What I learned Day 12 of the Karen Read trial:
1) Auntie Bev calls sidebar to remind Lally he’s prosecuting Karen Read and not a defense attorney for the Alberts
2) Marie Hartnett doesn’t understand how she failed her proficiency exam because she studied David Caruso and CSI Miami for hours
3) Norfolk county breathes a sigh of relief that someone knows how to use evidence tape
4) The swabs sent in from Norfolk county tested positive for pig DNA. Julie Nagel is nervous the Feds will find out she tossed the ham hock she was gnawing on out the window and that was in fact the blob on the lawn and transferred DNA to John’s clothes
5) Today’s no shit Sherlock moment - random plastic containers like red solo cups are not sterile for collecting blood evidence. There goes Helena’s kitchen budget
6) There is a correlation between Liabetes and the Amnesia pandemic overtaking Canton. Those who have taken truth serum have no problem recalling events
7) No one knows why Lally called Ryan Nagel and friends to testify. They hurt the CW’s case
8) Lally caught on hot mic “He’s bound to mess this up”. He was referring to himself in the third person.
9) Ryan Nagel subtlely mentioned the Federal Investigation - not all heroes wear capes
10) Allie McCabe displays all the signs of liabetes. Anxiety, red face, beads of sweat, labored breathing
11) Allie McCabe should be believed because she rescues dogs on random Friday nights. But she couldn’t save Chloe
12) Allie McCabe doesn’t realize that the day changes at midnight. You have to research better before you alter your text messages.
13) Steve Jobs is rolling in his grave to hear Allie deny her knowledge of iPhones
14) Teenagers everywhere are asking their parents to move to Canton where the drinking age is apparently 17
15) Tristan Morris should give Allie McCabe his watch. She can at least tell time
16) Allie McCabe learned today that lying when the defense has your electronic footprint from the Feds isn’t really a great idea
17) Allie listened to her mom when she was advised to start crying if she messes up. She’s up for an Academy Award
18) Allie said “Colin wasn’t in the house when John was there” ummm…….John was there???
19) Colin Albert took his choir boy Halloween costume out of the closet and wore it to court to try to fool the jury
20) Colin can be Tristan’s trivia partner because no one is picking him either

freekarenread #JusticeForJohnOkeefe

Hi parents. I come here with a very heavy heart. I have a 15-month-old boy. He has been a terrible sleeper since day 1.
Dad and I were against sleep training from the start. We (LO and I) co-sleep at night and still breastfeed. But we are at the stage now where LO wakes up to 10 times per night and only goes back down when latching onto my boob. It's clearly a strong sleep association now - he eats solids amazingly and is well-above the average weight for his age. He also won't stay asleep at night unless he is tucked under my arm.
He is as healthy as can be (as per recent paed checkup). But I'm really struggling, because:

1. I work full-time for a high pressure job. The sleep deprivation is getting to me.
2. Dad and I have not spent more than 30 minutes together, alone, in 15 months.
3. I feel like I am not as present as a mother during the time I spent with my son in the day, due to my sleep deprivation.
4. I don't have my period back and we want another baby sooner rather than later (perhaps crazy considering #1, but baby fever is real).
5. I have not spent a single night away from my son since the day he was born. My quality of life is really impacted by this.

As such, we have become pretty set on night-weaning LO. I know this is not the most natural decision possible for my baby. But with me also working full-time, and not having the support of a broader community (e.g. many aunties who live with us and could take turns at night), unfortunately this "unnatural" setup is our reality.
Everything I read online about night-weaning really scares me. Our plan is to do the following:

1. Set aside two weeks (hopefully it won't take this long). During this time, have very few obligations due to some rough nights, and have no other change in LO's current routine
2. Dad will "do" the night weaning and I will sleep in a separate room (if I were involved in the weaning, I just feel like LO won't be able to see past the fact that my boob is "there").
3. Dad will put LO down, respond to him each time he wakes up, and get him back down without me
   1. This said, when Dad puts LO down, he rocks him to sleep. Should this continue? Or just rubbing back/singing etc.?
4. LO will now sleep in a floor mattress next to our bed (rather than in our bed and under my arm)
5. I'll return to our bedroom once LO has been "successfully" night-weaned. LO will continue to start bedtime on the floor mattress next to our bed, and sleep much longer stretches (I won't even dare to think "through the night").

What I am scared about:

1. That this will traumatize my son with irrevocable damage
2. That my son will feel abandoned by me, that this will damage our bond
3. That my son will develop health/psychological issues now or in the future (he has never ever been unwell!)
4. That now, going forward, if LO does wake up at any stage (teething, sleep regressions), we will no longer have the feeding-to-sleep tool in our toolkit.

But all this considered - me and my family need this. PLEASE let me know your experiences/any helpful resources/and so on. I have read Jay Gordon and have mixed feelings. I want to be as gentle as possible, while also now taking into account my and Dad's needs, which at this stage have now surpassed LO's needs (IMO). <3

Link to schedule

Welcome!

Almost caught up this week! Check back in a little bit for the rest (including questions), I'll try to prioritize it. And apologies, in advance, for the stench of meat and burnt hair.

Chapter Summaries

Chapter 9 - Finding Words

Tenar goes to the lord manor during the haying, she talks with the workers there and they view the leather capped man, Handy, as shifty but with nothing wrong particularly. They are reticent to talk to her or anyone else however. She runs across the wizard from before, Aspen, and it turns sour quickly after a real poor showing from him. As she leaves he starts to attack her magically, but is interrupted just in time from the king's men from Havnor. They stop him but are still cordial to him, politics as usual. Tenar gives the men some information about Ged and thankfully they aren't reproachful, when Ged doesn't get back to them they accept this and sail off. Tenar finds little reason to stay around but it would hurt to leave so she just keeps Therru closer than ever, and the days pass. Aunty Moss looks into it and there's a rumor that the wizard from Roke, Aspen, was contacted after the death of the grandson's mother, and the wizard supposely was helping keep the grandfather alive by siphoning the youth's life force. Therru is actually doing pretty good, she gets some interesting toys and even started to learn a trade. Tenar worries about what Ogion said about "teaching" however and one afternoon tries to teach Therru about the true word for "stone", but something slightly odd yet poignant happens. That night, Tenar is wracked with anxieties and evil thoughts, she even bolts from bed and throws down countersigns for a curse. There's a weird smell in the house. The next day she picks up some fabric in town with Therru and is attacked with a shower of stones ("stones" again). Arriving back at the house it is apparent somebody was there. Furthermore, her thinking gets really muddled, she relies on Kargish to get through what's likely a curse. They abandon the desecrated place but not before watering Therru's peach tree and taking Ogion's great books (dumping the fabric in the process). They stay off the main road and the words (Hardic and true) slowly come back to her, she even picks up a stone, says its true name, and carries it. They arrive in Gont Port and the plan is to camp in a forest but instead they run into the leather capped man. They flee to a Havnor ship and are stopped by a sailor. The leather capped man, Handy, first says he wanted to help them (like he helped alert the women to Therru when she was burned) and grabs Therru, breaking Tenar's promise that he would never touch her. A younger sailor arrives, and Handy switches his strategy, suddenly Tenar is a witch that has stolen his niece. The young sailor lets her on the deck while he looks into things and Tenar collapses, begging them not to let him take her, not to let "them" have her, not again, not again.
In-depth Summary

Chapter 10 - Dolphin

Tenar comes around from exhaustion, and promptly realizes the young sailor is actually King Lebannen (aka Arren from the last book). They were actually seeking her out and thought maybe she came there because she had heard this. Lebannen agrees to take her to her old farm in Middle Valley on Gont. Therru is put to bed by the king and Tenar relays the terrible things that have befallen them, particularly with Therru which is worse than what's been outright stated. Tenar feels they will be safe where they are going, and she talks to Labannen about Ged instead. Of particular note is that Tenar claims people of ill will are after him, there's also a comparison drawn between the land of the dead's mountain, Pain, its stone, Tenar's stone, and Ged's damaged hands. Ged needs healing and has lost his patience, to be replaced with self-reproachment. The next morning, Therru is hard to rouse, she might be in fever and the place where Handy has grabbed her is noticeably marked. On the high prow Tenar meets in particular the Master Windkey of Roke Island, who actually trained Ged as a child. Unfortunately, Tenar finds him close-minded to her throughout this chapter in various ways. A very weathered sailor presents Therru a carved ivory or bone dolphin, which Therru puts with her other dolls, but even now she doesn't thank the man (she leaves that to Tenar) and she retires soon after. Tenar goes back to the king and the weatherworker and they talk about their search for a new archmage. It's mentioned Thorion from the last book has perished which is one of the reasons the king was there on Roke. The wizards congregate in the Grove and eventually the Master Patterner says in Kargish, "A woman on Gont." Nothing else is known, but they did remember Tenar's adventures, so here they are. The mage asks her if she would lead them to anyone (nope), or if she knew of any woman it might be (also nope). Tenar tries to mention the evils as of late (the gangs, what happened with Therru, the wizards' and witches' power lessening or changing, even the wizard's influence changing with the new kingship) but is ignored, the Master Windkey says the wizard's power structure and art will be healed (over a long time) now that Cob from the last book is defeated. After the Master Windkey leaves Tenar and Lebannen have a bit of shorthand, she implies that the woman might be Therru, at leaast one day. Tenar relays her immediate plans and Labannen says he'll visit if he can. Also, he will forbid the wizards from bothering Ged.
In-depth Summary

Chapter 9 - Finding Words
Tenar arrives at the haying and asks the women about the leather capped man. Nobody is sure why he, Handy, isn't there, but they view his kind as shiftless so that's no surprise. After she mentions the child the workers, being weary of the villagers let alone Ogion's apprentice, move on.
Tenar heads to the road and comes across Aspen, the wizard from before. He asks if she's there for work, and Goha is sure he says this not because he doesn't recognize her from before but more as an insult or warning. Tenar instead says she was going to warn the overseer that they had hired a thief known to her village. It takes him awhile to answer that he doesn't know about the hirelings, and Tenar suddenly realizes he seems older and more wizened than appearances. Suddenly he calls her a witch, a gossip, and a liar, and that he should have punished her over the incident with Ogion's body, and also, about Therru, that, "[t]he man did well who tried to destroy that creature, but the job should be completed." He says, "'Have you understood me?' 'No,' Tenar said. 'I have never understood men like you.'" She leaves down the road, but gets a static sensation and turns to see the wizard gathering dark lightning with his staff and started to speak a curse (she has a realization that because Ged has lost his power she kind of superimposed this on all others).
Two of the men from Havnor interrupt this, ostensibly (and, unfortunately, as a bit of a faux pas) to stop Aspen. They address her very cordially, at least one of them with honor, referencing her past deeds with the Ring. "'Ah,' said Tenar, flustered and warmed right through--'there’s all kinds of power in the world!--Thank you.'" She wasn't sure if the wizard knew of this or not, but it doesn't matter, as he hates her, as he hates Therru, because she is a woman. She thanks the envoys, in particular by giving them the information that Ged will need time but will get back to them, and draws positive comparison to them and the new order by the new King: "There was indeed a king upon that throne, and in his crown the chiefest jewel would be the Rune of Peace." She in particular was quite fond of the younger one which showed her particular reverence... though on turning back she is a bit sad to find (unfortunately, understandably) that they are chatting with the wizard as if nothing happened.
The men stay a few days and leave without contacting Ged, and Tenar finds some difficulty in a reason to stay around, particularly with Aspen the wizard and Handy the leather capped man now quite openly a threat. She feels like in leaving though she will lose the last bit of Ogion less, and on top of that "...she thought, 'I will never dream of the sky, down there.' Here, where Kalessin had come, she was Tenar, she thought. Down in Middle Valley she would only be Goha again." She doesn't let Therru out of her sight, and the days pass.
After being told everything, Aunty Moss had put out feelers in the acquaintances at the manor (after all, she was a healer and whatnot and so had some heft). A tale emerges that the younger lord, the grandson, had become sick and withered following the death of his mother, and oddly instead of seeking out Ogion or healers they sent for a wizard from Roke. Something a bit more than a rumor emerges, that they had been keeping women away from the manor and that the wizard was working on keeping the old lord, probably more than a century old, immortal off of the grandson's life. There's such a "let it be" attitude in the village that even Aunty Moss doesn't outright call it an evil (though she does think it'll all go wrong). Tenar had started asking villagers about Handy, the leather capped man, including if he left the area or not, but only received vague, uncommitted replies in return. Tenar was generally viewed as an outsider and uncordially by all but Fan, the old weaver.
Therru was kept close by, though she seemed to like this "...as a much younger child [might], working with her or playing. Her play was with cat's cradle, basket making, and with a couple of bone figures that Tenar had found in a little grass bag on one of Ogion's shelves.... To Tenar they had no sense of power or danger about them, and Moss said, 'Just toys.' To Therru they were a great magic. She moved them about in the patterns of some silent story for hours at a time...." She also learned to spin wool into yarn. Tenar felt like she wasn't "teaching all" like Ogion had said, though the Goha part of her said that the more homely arts, and the wisdom behind general good living, were true arts in themselves. One afternoon Tenar tries to to Therru the true name of a stone, but then (for a specific reason, after Therru mouths the name) she thinks it's just not time yet for it. Instead, she teaches her a fable that Lark had thought their children together, of Andaur, a woodcutter who cut down an oak tree that had a human voice, and Avad. Once again, "As long ago as forever, as far away as Selidor..."
That night, however, Tenar is wracked with anxieties while trying to sleep. These start general but get more and more specific and dark (supernatural, even) that Tenar wakes, makes a countersign, then springs from bed and yells, "'You come too late, Aspen. I was eaten long ago. Go clean your own house!' There was no answer, no sound, but a faint, sour, vile smell of burning-singed cloth or hair." She sets Ogion's staff on the door, checks on Therru, and does not sleep that night. The next day they visit the village to sell their yarn to Fan, and a curious incident happens where Tenar is pelted by stones as if by rain (there are some boys hiding about). Tenar starts to get shaky, and when they arrive at the house it's apparent someone was there: "It smelled of burned meat and hair. The coverlet of their bed had been disarranged." She realizes a spell had been put on her, it was no coincidence that the same word she had tried teaching Tenar was thrown back at her. Even her thoughts seem to turn against her, and to combat this she tries to think in Kargish. It's like she's contacting her old self, Arha the dark priestess, who reacted last night and knew curses and knew how to live in (or with) darkness. Tenar realizes she must leave, and a somewhat funny (in a way) incident happens with Heather (she tries to give her the goats and to keep up the household in other ways) where the words she wants to say only come out as insults. She gestures to Therru to come in the house to prepare to leave, and Therru poignantly reacts to the stench in the house. Amongst the activity a couple things are interesting, Tenar makes Therru water the peach, and Tenar empties her fabric to make room for (Ogion's, Ged's, "Hers") three great books instead of leaving them in the desecrated place. They take the staves Tenar had carved, leave Ogion's in the dark corner, and leave with "...the door of the house wide open to the wind from the sea."
They leave, instinctually she bypasses the main road, as if she met Aspen on the way she'd be lost. A mile away she knows she choose well, the words (Hardic and true) come back to her, first the true word for "stone", then "Kalessin", then she feels better. On the way to Gont Port, Tenar is thrilled to see a ship driven by magewind. A small segment here about the few towns Tenar has visited. Fifteen miles they had traveled (Therru steadfast, but certainly tired) when they come across a gate with two stone dragons surrounding it. Surprised by a guard (they guard city gates? What do they keep out?) she unwittingly does a perfect imitation of Heather and the guard, bored, lets them through. Gont Port is a living cacophony and Therru is transfixed. They travel along southward, the plan possibly to camp in a forest, when Therru alerts Tenar that the man in the leather cap is there. He spots them, pauses, and they run. They arrive at the docks and they are past their limit. Tenar asks a sailor if this is a ship from Havnor. It is, but he can't let her on it.
Suddenly, the man in the leather cap, Handy, appears behind her. He entreats her that she didn't have to flee, he was the one that got aid for Therru, and he wants to help them. "He put out his hand as if drawn irresistibly to touch Therru. Tenar could not move. She had promised Therru that he would never touch her again. She saw the hand touch the child’s bare, flinching arm." Suddenly a younger sailor (it seems to be Tenar's son for a moment) appears and asks what Handy wants with them. Handy says Tenar took his niece, "witched it", and ran off with her. She pleads the sailor to let her board and the sailor takes her to the deck and tells Handy to wait there. Tenar collapses, "...dropping the heavy sack but clinging to the child. 'Don't let him take her, oh, don't let them have her, not again, not again, not again!'"

Its the age of internet or I should say, IT, the world has changed at a rapid rate in past 15 years, especially post 2010 and then after Jio's free internet gamble, the internet connectivity and dependence has increased. I being, 27, I spent atleast first 10-12 years of my life, without phone, without internet and it seems like a totally different era now.
Now, hardly anyone comes in sreet and play, most kids can use phone at 3-4 years, they can open Youtube, they can play games (though its fault of parents), most kids are socially awkward and are exposed to so muvh irrelevant information from a young age, including porn, nudity , social media - likes and follow concept and social image.
Parents too, are addicted to phone, mothers or fathers, everyone has a social media account, they post pictures, they put status, they change dps ever other day, and kids learn from that. The stability and patience has vained. The longevity in relationships is fast vanishing. Adultery is becoming common, if not physical atleast virtual.
One thing I have observed is that, attitude of parents towards children has changed alot. Like especially in people married after 2017-2018, they are very casual about children and children are being seen as burden. And they are not being raised well. Most often, in India, if mothers are not workinh they primarily look after children but now a days they busy making reels and seeking validation on internet and men are not far behind, they also have their own internet presence (I mean Indian men are infamous for sliding into dms) and children are being seen as irrelevant suddenly or mostly a content (like a puppy) to be put on reels or facebook.
Other thing is, children are learning this behaviour of seeking social validation, this addiction to likes and followers from their parents and they are also being impacted by clothing trends online. Children are being exposed to so much without filter and this is also leading to premature sexualization of them.
For example, an example, my great aunt got a Indian salwar kamiz for one of my nieces as a gift on Diwali and her first reaction (she is 7) was "cheeee, i want skirt, ye nahi dalungi, ye aunties dalti hai"
Like for a kid to have such an opinion and she associating clothes to age, is making them more judgemental and more desperate in the society. Many times kids are walking and dancing and acting like adults. Its like they are so eager to get old. Kids are watching problometic content at 9-11 now a days.
Third is, parents and children are not talking and Indian parents already talk less but in Indian society setup where children are overly dependent on parents its leading to communication gap and fracturing relationships in long run. And though society is same and setup is same but viewpoint has changed leading to more frustration.
Fourth is, Indians are feeding on western content alot which also some how makes them feel like a misfit in Indian subtext and the way they think is American but their reality is Indian, like on reddit, most edgy teens hate on parents and want full freedom, but like their American counterparts they dont do part time jobs and neither will support themselves after 18, so they are learning these things blindly without understanding their own state.
Fifth is, identity politics, children especially teens are getting brainwashed ideologically, they are becoming more intolerant, they all have identity now - caste, religion, gender, nationality, ideology, when I was 13-14, I never cared for these things. .Only got to know about reservation in Class 11 lol. So, these things are making people intolerant.
Sixth is mental health crisis, double lives - one on internet and one in real and no real friends.

I feel headachey and tired today but my mood feels better than yesterday so that’s good!
We were in the middle of a conversation last night, he had me utterly soaked and losing my mind and then it went silent and I couldn’t hear him and when I tell you the timing could not have been worse I am not kidding. Except it turns out he could still hear me, which I felt embarrassed about later because I was basically being a little whimpering mess because I assumed he couldn’t hear anything either like he normally can’t. So anyway now he must know he’s baby because I was saying things like baby come back and where are you like an absolute idiot. I think my brain cells lessen even more so when I’m in that frame of mind. Wait and so that means he’d already cum and was over the whole thing and I didn’t know and I kept going, and he kept like… encouraging it with the dirty stuff he was saying. That’s kind of embarrassing that he was just sat there twiddling his thumbs and there I was sounding so stupid. He’s so sweet.
I’ve decided the middle-ish bit of the miss murder song sounds like Jeff Buckley for a little bit, not the voice but the music bit. Only briefly. Anyway my poppunky phase has still returned, I feel 14 again listening to the used and stuff, what a time. I’ve only saved the main big ones to this new playlist though, I know I’m forgetting a bunch of not top 40 kinda ones but whatever these are scratch my lil itch. I’m also just having a lil nostalgic phase with that playlist - it’s wild how much my music taste has changed… but also stayed the same? I loved the klaxons back then, I’m listening to them again and I still like them, and I’m remembering lyrics when I forgot said song even existed. Maybe that’s why I remember nothing from school, because my head is filled with useless lyrics. Good one, brain. Or Simian Mobile Disco? Entirely forgot they existed. I never forgot about the yeah yeah yeahs though, I have succcchhhhhhhh a vivid memory of listening to them while walking around some suburb in Brisbane while we were visiting my aunty and uncle, I think I was 14 or 15, and I was wearing a white tshirt because I remember it started pouring down and it went see through and I felt super embarrassed. But it was night time, or like after dinner time, and I was just going on a stroll cause idk I was a teenager and probably wanted some space to be my angsty self. I remember my uncle had a movie room, not really but he called it that, and it had bean bags and stuff and he had all the HP movies, or at least whatever was out by then. And now I’m day dreaming about how I was a couple cities away from my honey, except what’s the bet he would take one look at 14/15 year old me when he was like 18/19 and be like ew get away from me you little creep. Anyway. Le Tigre were big for me. Xray spex too, the intro to oh bondage up yours still to this day haunts my mind. I listened to that germ free adolescent album a lot at one stage. I’ve just listened to a bunch of it now and I still like it a lot. I have to say the more my mood has dropped and my anxiety increased over the years the more subdued music I listen to, I wonder if it’s connected? Because I used to listen to a lot of… busy music, let’s say. Whereas now it stresses me out sometimes, and I wonder if it’s because there’s too much at once and that doesn’t mesh well with an already hectic head. Omg and MGMT, I had a biggggggg phase of them. I genuinely wanted to marry the curly haired one, I thought everything about him was so dreamy. I want to say his name is Andrew from memory, lucky me getting an even better Andrew! It’s weird to think of Andy as an Andrew, I mean ultimately he’s honeybunny or baby but he’s also Andy. And his friends don’t even call him that? I’m obviously not writing what that name is here. I think it’s so so cute that his friends kid calls him that too, or tries to. Anyway he’s just baby. I think I say the same stuff in these journals all the time.
I feel a lot of relief knowing I have no more things on til July. I’m proud of myself though, it was technically homework for therapy - to do things that make me happy. Outside of the house, around people I mean. And so she asked what I would do if I was “normal” and one of them was go to things like the ballet and plays, things I miss out on because I’m too scared. So we agreed I would go to a couple and I did!! Homework: achieved. She was really proud of me when I said the events I had coming up, I know that sounds so pathetic and stupid but I’m definitely someone that needs to hear that praise and stuff. I can get by without it, but it’s encouraging to hear it, y’know? Idk.
Work is annoying me.
I don’t get why the idea of his friend doesn’t make him jealous. I don’t want it to make him jealous, I don’t want any form of negativity around it, but why doesn’t it? Am I built that differently to him? If he even floated the idea of that to me vice versa I don’t think I would ever recover. I mean that’s dramatic and I would but I would be paranoid about it for a looooooong time. But so why doesn’t he care? It feels like I care more about it than he does, it feels like I’m more concerned about it than he is? I don’t get it. I absolutely don’t want him to be super jealous or anything like that, I know I find the whole territorial thing crazzzzy hot in fiction but in reality I would find it stifling and frustrating. But him having zero ounce of jealousy just idk, it makes me feel like he doesn’t care? If he was to feel jealous, doesn’t that mean he’d want me all to himself? So if he isn’t jealous, then he doesn’t? I know I’m overthinking this so I’ll stop. And also in the past he’s said in reality he doesn’t know if he would actually want me with anyone else, but the idea and fantasy of it all is hot, which I agree with. I mean never say never because idk I guess I kind of do want to experience him and someone else at the same time, like I wouldn’t care in the slightest if it never happened but it is something I think I do properly want. But everything else? Even if we got to the point of finding someone and it eventuating and all of that… I can’t envision me actually going through with it. Even if Andy wanted it. Except maybe I would, but not out of want but out of feeling like I should because I don’t want to let anyone down. I know that isn’t a good reason to say yes but idk. Anyway. None of this matters. I don’t think the fact he doesn’t get jealous as such means he doesn’t care. If he didn’t care then he would end things.
Not to be rude and horrid and hateful but some people have the most god awful voices. There’s a podcast of three women who talk about books and stuff and anyway they’re all American and two of them are fine, if a little grating at times, but one of them has the most disgusting voices I’ve ever heard. It’s HORRIBLE. And she keeps shouting over the others and screeching and it’s just such a gross voice. I feel so mean :(
I worked kinda late, just til 7 or so. And then I had dinner, had chats with M, had a shower, made my bed and showered annnnnd now it’s time with my baby! The sky was very pretty tonight, it was like a glowing rose gold. It kind of made me think of a copper pot on a fire. I feel like suchhhh a lil grub, I only changed my sheets today and it’s Wednesday. That means a week and half of the same sheets! Which I guess isn’t actually so bad compared to others but still. And I also shower right before bed, so in theory I know they’re fine but I like to have fresh sheets every Sunday, it’s just how I am. I can’t wait to make our bed, I wonder if he’d think it was silly to sometimes leave lil lovey notes under his pillow? Just now and then, like a lil post it size note saying something cute. Hm. I do things like that though, and I know it can be seen as super lame and things so idk. I’ll just have to learn what’s okay and what’s not. Hmmm. Anyway.
Night night

I’ve had misophonia since being around 10/11. I remember the day I realised sounds triggered me to this extreme. On holiday with my auntie. Prior to this I have always been overstimulated with sound.. I watch shows with subtitles because as a child I could not differentiate between importance of multiple sounds - if the tv was on and there was a background conversation in the house I couldn’t focus on one of the other because my ears hurt. Always overstimulated by a lot of noise.
I used to eat alone in my bedroom due to the noises my step dad made eating.
I’ve been honest with my boyfriend about eating being by biggest misophonia trigger. But we recently moved back to his home country, America, and he was already the loudest eater I’ve met, but has since become at least 50% worse.
When I mention it to him, it causes an argument because his dad was really mean to him as a child about how loud he would eat, so he is now convinced he’s quiet. Let me tell you he is not. Now due to the arguments I say something at the most, 5% off the time, to save getting heated. But that means I suffer a hell of a lot, he’s a big eater and trains a lot for triathlons. But I end up eating more because if I eat it drowns his noise out even just a tiny bit. I’ve asked him to read about misophonia at least 6-7 times in the last 8 months ( we’ve been together longer but this is when it has gotten much worse) since it’s gotten worse. He still hasn’t.
I’m not expecting him to understand just try and understand how it can make me feel.
He is incredible in every other way and I can’t imagine my life without him, but I am seriously at a loss with this now because I’m keeping my mouth shut about his loudness to avoid arguments but he’s just not doing his part in trying to understand to do the same.
What do I do
Edit: to add to this, I’m at the point where I won’t even eat walking down the street because I’m Embarrassed I might make a sound someone else who suffers from misophonia might hear, and I don’t want anyone to feel the way I do. I struggled with restaurants for a while but now go to places that are loud. I have refused to go to family Christmas gatherings over fear of hearing noises or me making people hear my eating noises ( even if subconsciously I know I’m not a loud eater)

I (24M] have been sexually used as a child. No penetration, but more like messing around.
One of my aunts (when I was between the ages of 3-6 - can't remember exactly), probably in her 30s at that time, would snuggle into bed with me, and play with my dick. She seemed fascinated by how she would inch closer to my inner thigh and then I'd get a boner (which she'd later play with). I seemed to really enjoy it, and every night I would goto her room, and let her play with me. It felt great.
I remember as a child between the ages of (3-6) as well, I would flash my younger sister (a year younger) my genitals, and ask her to flash hers to me. One day we were doing it in our new toy 'tent house', and I was touching her - and my mom caught us, and she was extremely mad - and after that, it stopped. But I somehow developed resentment towards my sister after that.
Then one of my cousins, who was 16-17 [M] at that time, and I might be 5-6? I used to go over to his house on weekends, and we'd blow each other. It was a routine thing I really looked forward to. A similar thing would happen (although happened like 3-4 times at most with them) with two other male cousins, of 1 year younger and the other about 5 years older.
I remember I have touched one other female cousin of mine inappropriately, and gotten touched by her - when we were both, I think between the ages of 8-10.
I also have a memory of going over to another cousin's house of mine - he may be about 7, and I was probably 11. We both flashed each other our dicks, and after that I got him to suck me, and then I licked his dick. We later invited his younger sister into the room, locked the door, and we all ate/blew each other out.
Back then, I didn't know I was being sexually abused, and I did the same to my younger cousins later. I think everything back then was based on 'how good it felt'. Now I just look back and think about how awful it was. I cannot tell this to anyone, not even my girlfriend or my therapist. I just want to get it out there, and relate to people who might have had similar experiences, and feel better?
I definitely cannot go back to my cousins, particularly the younger ones (me 11 and them 7/6, and apologize). I mean, I'm just definitely uncomfy around them since I remember everything so vividly, and I'm sure they remember it too. No one really mentions or talks about any of that, but I do get to see all of them - and pretend nothing ever happened.
I opened up a little to my gf about sexual abuse from my auntie, and my older cousin[17M], and she wanted to know their names - and that she doesn't want me ever seeing them again. I denied, and I said, I'm not telling you the names and I can't just cut people off like that. Perhaps, this is coming from fear that I've done similar things with other cousins of mine later?

Recently I've been having fuel10k oat muffins a lot, they're basically mixes that you add water to, microwave and it makes a muffin, and they're only calories whereas an average muffin is around .
Is there anything out there that's similar but for cookies/cookie dough? Like a low cal mix that you can microwave and it either makes a mug cookie type of thing or just warm edible cookie dough, preferably a single portion size and under calories.
Also, I used to love Aunty's sponge puddings which are between and calories, but recently they stopped being a safe food. Are there sponge puddings (like sticky toffee pudding, chocolate pudding, golden syrup pudding etc) that are calories or less but still a similar size?
Or just any microwave desserts in general... I miss my warm desserts.
For recommendations - I live in Scotland but would happily order stuff online that's not available in shops here, and I won't make my own food because I have no scales or measuring things and I only eat single portioned foods, really hoping I can get some recommendations

My stepmother hates the fact that I exist.
I want to start by saying that I was born before my father and stepmother got together, however they did start their relationship whilst my father and mother were still together who later broke up after around 12 months of me being born. I have never known my parents together, it’s just how it’s always been.
I used to visit my dad once a week, and my stepmother would never really address me or talk to me, and that’s just how it was until she nearly died in childbirth with my youngest sister when I was age 14 (she had two children with my dad). We became closer and I was extremely grateful because I had always wondered why we never gained a relationship over the years. At age 17, 10 years ago, there was a disagreement between me and my dad, stepmum, aunty and nan which resulted in me basically being shunned from the family, and it was over something extremely small and didn’t need to be blown up in the way that it was. Over the first 2 years of limited contact, I was bullied via social media by stepmum, nan and aunty; this included making jokes about my mental health, contacting my friends to try and turn them against me, contacting my mothers side of the family to tell them how much they hated me and them, the list goes on. It went as far as to keep a family illness from me, which unfortunately resulted in what I thought was a sudden death and I was threatened out of going to the funeral - I was called an extreme expletive for asking, beginning with the letter C and something was said in regards to hurting me in some way or another. This was all done without the knowledge of my father, he remained in no contact through sheer stubbornness. Fast forward perhaps 3 years, my dad is back in contact but is caught texting me by said stepmother - she insists he chooses between me and her and there is an attempt at serious assault (her against my dad) with a glass, you do the math. He moves out for a week or so and goes back to her. We text on and off for years, discussing meeting up one day and eventually, 9.5 years after the initial shunning, we meet up. This is met with more anger, I believe she even demolished her own kitchen in rage over the thought of her husband meeting his first child.
Something that should perhaps be mentioned about now, is that my youngest sister has no recollection of who I am as she was only two years old at the time of the original falling out, she is now 13. My dad has informed my sister of my existence at this point, wanting us to eventually meet. The oldest of my sisters is now 20 and we have plans to meet, she’s an adult and can do as she pleases although I sense an element of fear of her mother and that’s why there has been a delay.
This fiasco has ended in the break up of their marriage, all because I exist. Things she has said that my dad has informed me of: - “you only want to see her because she is a piece of your ex”, - “don’t let her see her sister, she will do something evil like poison her to get back at me”, - (I am at university) “I guess I’ll have to go to university so that I am interesting like her (me)”
I want to end this with saying that I am extremely distressed to hear that my existence is causing such upset and aggravation in a household where my sisters reside. I have missed them for years and have always dreamed of the day where I could see them again. At what point do you stop feeling guilty for just existing, living and breathing?
edit there is a lot that is missed out here, small things that would maybe make things sound even worse but 10 years of shit is a lot to rake up and I’m sure there are also things that I have forgotten, this is just a short heads and tails.

I just finish work, boot up the app and what do I see? Bison's haul of Pagie's birthday gifts. So naturally I made a list with prices for anyone that was curious;
Morphe Dripglass - £12
Morphe Soulmate lip liner -£8
Morphe brush set - £30
Coconut Lane phone case - £18
Nomination Italy gold link bracelet - £69
Tangle Teaser brush - £13
Too Faced Super Fine eyebrow pencil - £23
Sol de Janiero - £10
Watermelon lip balm - £4.99
Fleur De Ceris - £2.99
Plouise Bad Bitch - £22
Plouise Reign On Me peach, orange and lime water spray - £18 each
Plouise Ready Set Glow - £20
Pretty Little Things pjs - £18
Chocolates - £5 (conservatively)
So all together Paigey got £289.98 of gifts just from favourite auntie Beck Beck, not including meals, food or balloons which no doubt will make more of an appearance throughout the week.
And the nephew got £50 in a balloon...

These are always fun.
Last name - An occupation
Great grandad - An old Welsh first name and middle name which has the meaning “hard working”.
Great grandmother - A vintage first name popular in the 1920s and an Italian middle name.
Grandad - The first name, the name of a King and the middle name a two syllable Irish name.
Grandma - A first name after a 1940s film star. A middle name beginning with a V.
Dad - A long first name with more than one nickname. A middle name which is a city or a state.
Mum - A floral inspired first name and a long Spanish middle name.
Auntie - A two syllable nature inspired first name and a short French middle name.
Uncle - An Indian first name and a middle name related to a rive body of water.
Cousin (Girl) - A first name meaning beauty/ beautiful and an Indian middle name.
Brother - A one syllable first name where he will be the only one in the class. A middle name after a boyband member from the 2000s.
Sister - A colour related first name. A middle name after a girlband member from the 2000s.
Cat - A Tv show double act -
Dog - A TV show double act -

Hello, so one of my sister-in-laws is pregnant, so it seems I'm going to be an aunty - I do not and have no intention of having kids of my own, so I'm a bit out of my depth. It's early days, so there's no knowing if it'll be rough or not. What can I do to support her, and my brother, but mostly her (as he's not the one growing a human)?
They're currently in the process of moving in nearby and redecorating, which makes me think that (other than helping with this process), maybe I could offer something financial/material to make everything easier for them. I want to be thoughtful, but not intrusive.
Is there anything that you wish you had whilst pregnant? Or later thought might have been useful then?

Below you'll find information and links to help advocate for Reproductive Freedoms and Abortion care in Canada and emerging policy issues with the Reddit platform. This is a recurring post and will be periodically updated as needed. Feel free to post additional information and discussions in the comments.
Advocating for Abortion Care in Canada:

• There is a serious lack of Abortion Care options in Canada, particularly in the rural areas, and for those living on reserves, they have almost no access to Abortion care. People may have to travel more than 100km and across provincial lines to access abortion. Some have to travel by plane from their rural community to one with an abortion clinic or hospital. This puts an unfair financial and logistical burden on those that need to access abortion care. Provincial Health Insurance Plans do not cover travel costs related to receiving medical care.
• Because many provinces have few facilities that provide Abortion care, this places an unreasonable load on the clinics that do exist, forcing clients to look elsewhere for facilities with capacity to help them. In Alberta, there is one clinic for every 209,077 people who can become pregnant (number of assigned-at-birth females between the ages of 15-29). PEI, the Northwest Territories and the Yukon Territory each only have 1 Abortion care provider. Nunavut only has 2 abortion providers, and of those, only one offers medical abortion covered by the provincial health insurance plan. In fact, 9 (out of a total of 13) Canadian provinces and territories have five or fewer facililities offering abortion care in their entire province. And 10 Canadian provinces and territories have one or fewer (0) rural facililities offering abortion care.
• Some provinces, like PEI, have more restrictive guidelines regarding abortion, limiting access to abortion care to those with a gestational period of less than 12 weeks (meaning, 12 weeks since the first day of your last period, not 12 weeks since you discovered you were pregnant). Many people who menstruate have irregular periods. Some people might only menstruate every 2 or 3 months, and might only discover that they are pregnant near the gestation limit of 12 weeks.
• Insurance coverage also limits access to abortions. Provinces such as Nunavut do not offer coverage for medical abortions unless they are prescribed and performed in a hospital. And being a rural province, there also happens to be only 1 hospital in Nunavut - Qikiqtani General Hospital in Iqualuit. New Brunswick will only cover abortion services in a hospital setting, which means that abortion medical care provided in clinics are not covered by their Provincial Health Insurance Plan.
• Sexual and reproductive health services are among the services that physicians, pharmacists and nurse practitioners are most frequently unwilling to provide on moral or religious grounds. People may be harassed and attacked while visiting an Abortion clinic may experience stigma and/or discrimination from their peers, especially in smaller, rural communities where everyone knows one another. People refused care by health care professionals because of personal beliefs may experience stigma and/or discrimination, forcing them to travel outside of their community to receive the care they need. This can all be particularly daunting for young people or those with limited resources.
• Everyone in Canada is supposed to have equal rights to access health care, regardless of race, age, class, immigration status, gender expression, sexuality and ability. Nevertheless, anyone's right to seek abortion care can be be impacted by discrimination and bigotry, both systemic and as a result of individual prejudice on the part of service providers. Racism, xenophobia, classism, homophobia, transphobia, ableism, and ageism in Canada are all direct and intersecting barriers to accessing abortion. It is much more difficult for a person who doesn’t speak English to access abortion services, despite the presence of a translator. Transpeople also experience discrimination at higher rates in reproductive health care settings. Providers may also lack the knowledge or training to provide trans-affirming abortion care and abortion services are typically housed within *women’s* health care departments.
• Further compounding the issue of inequitable abortion access are unregulated crisis pregnancy centres (CPCs), which are anti-choice pregnancy centres that advertise in hospitals, doctor's offices, churches, schools and community centre. They deceive people coming to them for options and advice by giving misinformation about abortion or by insisting on options that may delay or interfere with the clients ability to access the care they need. CPCs far outnumber abortion care providers in Canada. In Ontario alone, there are 77 active CPCs but only 38 abortion care providers. Overall, in Canada, there are 165 known CPCs compared to 147 abortion care providers (as of August 2022).

Reference: Policy Options, via the Institute for Research on Public Policy and Action Canada for Sexual Health & Rights
What can you do to improve access to abortion care in Canada?

1. Listen, research and learn. This is always the first step to understand any problem.
2. Send a letter to your MP and MPP. Tell them that access to abortion care is important and how difficult it can be to access it in your province. Urge them to prevent anti-choice groups and CPCs from receiving charitable status, and to revoke the charitable status from CPCs that already have it. Encourage them to include reasonable reimbursement for travel costs related to receiving medical care when it is not available in your community. And push them to pass Safe Access Zone Legislation to protect patients, practitioners and their staff from anti-choice harassment and intimidation.
3. Give a donation to a pro-choice charitable organization of your choice. Remember, if you give a total of $201 CDN or more to Canadian charitable organizations, you'll get a credit of 29% of your total annual donations on your income taxes (for those that file Canadian Income Taxes, only).
4. Sign up for the Abortion Rights Coalition of Canada Newsletter. https://www.arcc-cdac.ca/
5. Participate in local marches and rallys in support of access to abortion care.
6. Spread the Word. Tell your friends and family. Encourage them to research, listen and learn. Encourage them to contact their MPP and MPs.
7. If you work in a Doctor's office or as a family physician, consider incorporating Mifegymiso into your practice to ensure patients have timely access to this essential service. If you are a Doctor, or studying to be one, consider opening an Abortion Care practice when you are licensed and qualified to do so, especially in rural areas where there are a lack of options.
8. If you work in politics, consider proposing legislation that will ensure safe access zones for abortion care providers and their clients and covering reasonable travel costs for constituents when medical care is not available in their community.
9. If you are a journalist or work in media, consider preparing pieces sharing the difficulty Canadians can have accessing medical care such as abortions.
10. If you work in the area of Not For Profit/Advocacy, consider partnering with a Pro-choice organization and helping them spread information and lobby for improving access to abortion care for Canadians.
11. If you know someone who needs abortion care, consider giving them a ride to a clinic, helping them access the advice and care they need, and provide non-judgemental support.
12. Ensure persons of First Nations, Metis and Inuit heritage know about Jordan's Principle, which ensures that First Nations children (which includes people who can become pregnant under the age of 18) can access the products, services and supports they need, when they need them. https://www.sac-isc.gc.ca/eng/1568396042341/1568396159824

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Emerging Policy Issues with Reddit
On July 1, 2023, Reddit raised the price to make calls to their API from being free to a level that killed every third party app on Reddit, from Apollo to Reddit is Fun to Narwhal to BaconReader. This policy change meant that mobile users would have a lesser experience browsing Reddit, users with visual difficulties could not browse reddit as screenreaders are not compatible with the official Reddit app, and mods lost tools that they depend on to keep communities on-topic and spam-free. Many subreddits protested this change in June 2023, and the Reddit admins enforced draconian measures such as removing and replacing mods who privatized their subreddits in protest of this policy change.
On September 12, 2023, Reddit will eliminate reddit coins, including removing all accumulated coins, a perk that Reddit Premium users pay for every month. Coins are used to reward comments and posts by showing your appreciation for the effort. Some reddit coins offer the ability to use reddit without ads.
What can you do to protest the policy changes at Reddit?

1. Listen, research and learn. Check /modcoord for updates
2. Cancel your Reddit Premium membership
3. Participate in subreddit led protests
4. Look for other forums to patronize. We have a forum on Discord called Auntie Network Canada. Message the mods here for an invite link to the Discord group.
5. Complain. Message the mods of reddit.com, who are the admins of the site: message reddit: submit a support request: comment in relevant threads on reddit. Leave a negative review on their official iOS or Android app.

Auntie Bec Bec doing little to dispel the Nonce allegations with this one - a whole video dedicated to My Paigey set to a song with lyrics along the lines of ‘don’t ever grow up’ 🤢
Where was this for her nephew’s 18th a few weeks ago? Also calling a child ‘my inspiration’ is wierd as fuck - Becki should be the one sorting her life out to inspire Paige, not the other way around.
What do we reckon for tea tonight then? A Paige-themed grazing station, or a double kebab grease-fest with the whole clan?