Florida herbal loss life weight

tl;dr: I want get myself in shape both physically and mentally to follow the 18x pipeline to becoming a Green Beret by ideally next year. Currently, I recognize that I need a better sense of direction and am looking for advice/tips/feedback on things that I could be doing.
I've recently acquired an interest in pursuing the 18x contract pipeline and going on to become a Green Beret. I've been absorbing a lot of information and resources on the matter. What I'm trying to do in this thread is get a better sense of direction on what to improve on and areas to work to improve my chances of getting approved at as SFRE, getting enlisted for an 18x contract and eventually going off to selection and the myriad of other things that are required.
As of writing this I'm currently 31 years, 5'11" and 150lbs. . Needless to say I'm kind of a string bean. I've never been especially active or pursued much in the weigh of sports, lifting, running etc. Today I did some cardio in walk/run intervals and it was difficult, but I got through it. I wouldn't say I'm in the worst shape ever, but obviously I have a lot of progress to make.
My main focus is increasing my physical fitness. Being able to run to the standards that SF requires and also meet the strength requirements. My plan is continue to train my cardio until I get to the point I comfortably jog for 30 minutes without stopping then I'll start adding in rucking and hiking longer distances in different terrain, dirt, sand, etc. and toughen up my shoulders/increase my endurance.
For strength training I'm starting off with some similar calisthenics routines to build some initial muscle and strength then move on to lifting free weights at the gym. Increasing my functional strength and overall health/posture in the process.
I'm also taking up a sport. Tennis seems like a great combination of cardio and hand eye coordination. I also just think it would generally be a fun sport to train that would supplement the rest of what I'm doing.
Obviously, there's a lot of progress to be made and I know I'm asking the obligatory "how do I get in shape" when I have access to the internet and there's countless other threads undoubtedly on this board that cover the topic. I suppose what I'm asking is that does this physical plan seem feasible?
On the other end of the spectrum, I know that selection comes down to more than just the physical standards. Those are essentially a prerequisite. I'm looking to learn and be as prepared as I can for the selection process. I'm going to enroll in a firearms course. Get a good sense of land navigation since that plays a huge role in the process. Some boxing classes and further my understanding of medical knowledge. I'm even considering playing airsoft/paintball as a way to get familiar with at the very least and elementary knowledge of some small unit tactics.
As far as applying what I am able to do in the immediate, I'm trying to do my best to excel in my life and at work. Trying to be a better team player. Trying to set a much higher standard for myself and make sure my department is functioning as high as it can.
My understanding is that the age cut off is 35. I would like to believe that I can get myself as ready as humanly possible come summer of next year with consistent training and studying.
I apologize if this post comes off as one long ramble, because it somewhat is. I'm feeling very motivated to pursue this and become the best version of myself I can. It's spilling over into so many different areas and has me moving around with an extra pep on in my step. I don't want this to be just a wild ambition that fades away so I'm making this thread in an effort to gather whatever advice, feedback or criticism it attracts.

Hello, I've just completed 10th grade in high school in the U.S. and I've been researching the topic of moving Japan since I was in 8th grade, and now I actually want to act on this. Please tell me if this plan is terrible. Also, I've lost 50 pounds so far in a 100 pound weight loss journey, not trying to go to Japan and not be able to walk without losing my breath lol.
June 2024: Get a part time job to start saving up money for an online Japanese learning program that you can complete in 2-3 years. (please recommend some programs)
August 2024: Begin 11th grade in online school, begin learning Japanese for 3 hours a day.
Sometime in 2026: Start applying for universities in Japan. (please recommend schools, also, will I have to do a host family thing or could I live in a dorm? Since you aren't an adult until 20 in Japan.)
May 2026: Graduate high school and by now hopefully be pretty good at speaking, reading, and writing in Japanese.
Sometime in 2027 i think: Get a student visa (i have no idea how this would work) and go live in Japan. (I'll have saved up a bit of money from working part time and my parents will help me with whatever I need)
Please let me know all the flaws in my plan.

I just want to make this post because I have no one else to share this with. I was looking up some receipts for 2022. I came across my fast food receipts. I was absolutely mortified. Just unbelievable. No wonder I was obese. Then, I found receipts for my weekly cartons of cigarettes. Again, blown away. No wonder I didn’t feel good. We won’t even talk about the stash of liquor receipts. I am so grateful that in September 2022, I took back control of my life. I was determined to lose weight before my 50th birthday in 2023. I met my goal and lost 61 pounds in 9 months. I quit all alcohol and cigarettes in 2023. Very grateful today and I feel amazing. Glad I came across those horrifying receipts. Truly makes me grateful I set my mind to change my life. That’s all. Thank you for reading.

I’m tired of you. I’m tired of thinking about you. I’m tired of the remnants of you that I cannot get rid off, the itch on my skin screaming your name. I’m tired of purging the things that I’ve loved and loved forever, now lost in the Black Sea of you-esque, unrecognizable.
I know someone new will come into my life, someday, somehow.
Maybe then, I will no longer feel this rage against you every time I am reminded of the fact you once existed- more like operated, my life.
Maybe then, I will not run away from my big life events. I just graduated and all I can feel is this putrid mix of anger and sadness.
Maybe then, I will not be crushed by the weight of the facts thereby presented before me in one moment. the milestones becoming sweet instead of sour.
But probably, once again, I will right back here, for one reason or another. At square one, grieving a heartbreak like a child, because who am I except this form which I am.
I keep waiting on destiny like a small child waiting for their turn at the water fountain. Isn’t it sickening? One day I hope to be someone who makes their own like you.

I have a 2019 Black Edition with 97k on it. I have a brake controller and weight distribution hitch. I just changed engine, transfer case, and diff oils, as well as transmission fluid as a preventative. New tires are SL rated. My camper trailer has a 3800lbs dry weight and 4800lbs gvwr. I figure I'm hauling 4500lbs, but I plan to run it across a local truck scale soon to sure.
I've done a shakedown run to a local campsite and it seemed to do fine, but I'm new to towing with the Ridgeline. I'll be going a couple hours away in a few weeks for a weekend fishing trip. That will give it a bit of a test in some hills. But the big test will be driving to Florida this summer.
I just don't know what I don't know. I don't want to be surprised. Talk to me.

Pics here.
Yeah, afraid you'll have to hold your religious gateways to enlightenment (if you are religious though, its not a dealbreaker, I'm just having fun), for me it's gotta be the weight lifting equipment I've bought. Working and focusing on me and my health is the happiest I've been in a long time, maybe ever. I'm in the midst of rebuilding myself into who I'm meant to be. If you want someone who has it all right now, I'm not for you. If you can wait and wanna build with me then hit me up.
I usually deal with tense situations by saying the silliest dumbest shit to fill uncomfortable silences. Seems like an apt time for that warning. Sometimes I can be blunt or prod people, this is either to prove a point or in jest. Depends on the situation.
I'm never sure what to say in these things. I spend a lot of time working out. I have a career as a behavioralist but I'm having to take leave from it currently to deal with other things in life and save for a vehicle after a crack head I had never met (thankfully so for him/her) decided to destroy my last vehicle.
So I'm back at the rural countryside and about to take a transitional job (I guess in security) until I can get things worked out and rolling in my life again.
I suppose if I had a word for me, it would be resilient. I have almost died several times in the past few years, and I'm reversing my spiral and taking a different path in life recently.
While I'm really starting to come to terms with loving myself and enhancing myself for me. I tend to make connections with people but after a long time remaining single while dealing with my demons, I'm finally on the up. I want to share something wholesome and untouchable with someone.
Ideally I would love to finally find home. I've put in a lot of work these past few years to find that. I've found solace in helping people, and making friends. But where are the stupid jokes during movie nights? Where's the shitty makeshift tent outside because we got frustrated with the chinese instructions to set it up? Where's the laughter around the bonfire. Where's the person I can look at and both say and read a thousand words without opening my mouth.
I don't wanna be with someone just to be with someone. I went through that hell already. Where is home?

Ok I like kanna, I just really don’t like the onset, is their any way to lessen the Initial anxiety after dosing. I feel like I’m coming up on a psychedelic or something at first, and kinda over think my current problems in life. Which I’m trying to do the opposite of that when I take it… I do enjoy the after effects, it’s just the initial come up I really don’t like. It almost makes me weary of taking it. I mainly insufflate when I dose with the little yellow spoon. I have tried to put it in between my lips, but only one time. What’s the best method or a way you’d recommend. I currently have some healing herbals extract

Earlier today, a fun post I wrote four years ago re-surfaced under a different author and reached the HOT list before being removed by mods for plagiarism.
The original post is here: https://www.reddit.com/Entrepreneucomments/jz0236/80m_founder_telling_it_like_it_is/?share_id=yqNypYHrUxunREo9Pk9bW&utm_content=1&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_source=share&utm_term=1
Four years have past since I wrote it and it got me thinking...have any of my views changed!
What happened to me?
As for those who are wondering about my company, its worth about $100m today. Revenues grew a lot, then flatlined. The rocket ship ran out of juice!
Although the business was loss-making when the post was written, it has since turned profitable. That was really nice to see.
I sold secondary through the journey and own just under 10% now.
I also stepped down from my day to day role at company 1 and started my second company. My new company is worth about $15m and I own the majority of it. It's also profitable already - not sure I want a second venture journey!
Am I still lurking on this thread?
Nope. I actually left the subreddit. I got tired of reading the same old get rich quick schemes and the constant posts from people who were worried that their incredible ideas would be stolen.
So, four years on - have my views changed?
Entrepreneurship is NOT about big ideas - I am firm in my belief that entrepreneurship is not about big ideas. The longer I've been in this game the more founders I've met who have relatively normal ideas, executed very well. With generative AI, the floodgates to big ideas have opened. Now is the best time to build!
Successful entrepreneurs spend more time empowering others to build their business - Still believe this and perhaps even more so today. This time around I have delegated my core responsibilities to others much faster and have been rewarded with faster growth and a better work life balance (I've got a bigger family now).
Businesses aren't built for you - This time I've given away a lot more equity in the business to my team. This was only possible because I own a much larger stake this time around.
Essentially, my views haven't changed at all.
Any new learnings in the last four years? A tonne! A few that spring to mind that are not total cliche:

1. Investors create politics. You may not want to play but its in the company's best interests to do so.
2. Losing the majority stake is harmful to your strategy
3. The superstars in your org are often difficult to manage because they need your attention. But it is so worth giving it.
4. Hiring the right people is so much more important than I thought it was
5. Use every single unfair advantage you have
6. MVPs are over!
7. It is an advantage when you own the majority and your competitors have to strategize with a board.

Anyways, best of luck!

I think this would count as social life since it affects every corner of my life.
Don't set yourself on fire for your degree.
I got my bachelors last year and decided after a summer of chill I'd do my masters in a degree I didn't really love.
MISTAKE. I'm now in the process of leaving after having several mental breakdowns and not even wanting to look at my laptop out of feastress. It was traumatic last few days to say the least. I've never been so burnt out, so depressed and wishing for the world to swallow me whole as I did yesterday.
Don't be me and go for something you don't love, work yourself into the ground and don't reach out to your family members and friends for fear of being a disappointment. You're never a disappointment, and you know in your heart at least one person is going to be heartbroken if you leave this earth prematurely.
I took the fattest nap of my life and I feel so much lighter now, like a giant weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I can finally enjoy the things that make me happy instead of feeling guilt.
Also take a break in between your studies, don't be me and jump into a masters right away.

LAPTOP QUESTIONNAIRE

• Total budget
  900€-850€ Italy
  
• Are you open to refurbs/used?
  No
  
• How would you prioritize form factor (ultrabook, 2-in-1, etc.), build quality, performance, and battery life?
  

Performance, build quality, battery life

• How important is weight and thinness to you?
  Not important
  
• Do you have a preferred screen size? If indifferent, put N/A.
  15,6"
  
• Are you doing any CAD/video editing/photo editing/gaming? List which programs/games you desire to run.
  

Fortnite, Minecraft, The Forest, Roblox (Max Graphics), Warzone.

• If you're gaming, do you have certain games you want to play? At what settings and FPS do you want?
  Medium-High Settings and atleast 60+ FPs
  
• Any specific requirements such as good keyboard, reliable build quality, touch-screen, finger-print reader, optical drive or good input devices (keyboard/touchpad)?
  Just reliable build quality
  
• Leave any finishing thoughts here that you may feel are necessary and beneficial to the discussion.
  

I need it to be from Amazon.

This is mainly a request for encouragement, to know there are people where I am today for whom the effort paid off.
I've heard it said that because of how our body works, while anyone can lose weight, its impossible to maintain long term weight for most human beings, but that 15% of humans (per studies) seem to be capable of doing what the average human cannot and can both lose weight and keep it off. Going back through my life and everyone I know whose lost significant weight and kept it off for a year or two, however, every single one of them is now back at or above their original pre-weight loss weight. I can probably think of about 10ish examples, so I'd expect 2ish examples of people who did keep it off, but I can't think of even 1, making me question if that 15% actually exists.
Speaking as some one who once lost 40 pounds over the course of about 6 months via aggressive exercise and dieting, and kept if off for about 2 years, only for it to not only all come back, but then gain another 50 pounds on top despite both largely maintaining my maintenance exercise routine and just generally having much better eating habits then prior to the original weight loss, it really feels like I was actually better off never actually losing the weight in the first place, like losing that weight has some how permanently harmed my metabolism such that its much MUCH harder to even maintain my pre-weight loss weight.
I guess what I'm getting at is, as some one whose now back heavy on the weight loss train (been at it since December), doing both weight and cardio exercises 5 days a week, eating 90% vegetables/fruits 10% protein 5 days a week, and hungry and tired all day every day, while showing almost no difference on the scales week to week, I'd just like to hear some stories of hope that some people lost significant weight, and kept it off for more then 3 years, to help me power through this feeling that this second attempt at self torture for long term personal health will be ultimately be pointless again, or worse, detrimental, in 3 years making it near impossible for me to even get back to and stay at my current weight. Can I actually be the 15%, or are they a myth?

Weight Loss Exercises For Beginners Most of us live our lives like caged animals. We are built to move around, but a lot of time we put ourselves in a cage. Our bodies are designed for racing across the savannas, but we live a lifestyle meant for moving from the bedroom to the breakfast table, to the car seat, to the office chair, to the restaurant booth, to the living room couch, and back to the bedroom.
Our daily responsibilities of work and home keep us attached to our chairs, and if we want to exercise, we have to plan for it.
Health experts insist that the obesity problem is likely caused as much by lack of physical activity as by eating too much, therefore, exercise is essential to our lives.
But, it does not mean that a lap around the block will remove a daily consumption of donuts. Just exercising alone is not efficient, experts say. They argue that if one only exercises and does not change his or her diet, one may be able to stop weight gain or may even lose a few pounds, but it is not something that one is likely to keep up unless exercise is part of an overall program. The more exercise becomes your regular habit, the easier it is to maintain one's weight.
Here is what to do daily to make sure you get the exercise you need.

1. Get Quality Sleep.
   
2. Walking.
   
3. Jogging or Running.
   
4. Cycling.
   
5. Swimming.
   

There are lots of exercises that can help you lose weight, it's most important to choose the one you enjoy doing, which will make it most likely for you to stick to it for the long term and see the results you are hoping for.
Read The Full Article: https://www.digitalselfcare.online/2022/03/weight-loss-exercise-for-beginners.html?m=1

I just finished reading Colorless Tsukuru Tazaki and it was an amazing book that matched a theme of what I’m looking for in the books I want to read. He struggles with being abandoned throughout his life, by friends that he was extremely close to and in a sense, the book follows him healing from these senses of loss.
I want to watch a character experience depression and loneliness, and be heavily effected by not feeling normal, or have trouble relating to others, not feeling as if they have a place in the world and are weird, misshapen.
I also have the book “no longer human” in my possession, and want to read as many books with lonely, depressed protagonists as I can.

I think I’ve developed BV after a round of antibiotics. I have thin watery discharge (no smell) awful pelvic pain, lower back ache, stabbing pains in ovaries and shooting pains in legs (even though pain is apparently not associated with BV?) Also occasional vaginal itch.
Has anyone else has this experience? I’m at a total loss and it’s affecting my quality of life not to mention the anxiety of worrying over irreversible damage to my reproductive system.
I’m taking probiotics daily, drinking kefir and using BV gel I bought OTC.
Please someone offer some advice. Thank you

I have to make a quick plug for Shay Click’s tik tok account. I’m sure a lot of folks know about her, but I can’t risk people missing out! She posts these incredible grocery lists that have been sooo helpful for me. The best part is that she has ones under $60 with a lot of heat & eat meals. There’s zero guess work, she gives a full list, combines the options into meals, and posts the calories/protein for each. The meals are very good - definitely don’t feel like weight loss food.
She also posts videos making macro friendly copy cat recipes of fast food and macro friendly options at fast food restaurants. I don’t mind cooking or meal prep, but these have really really helped me continue losing 10lbs a month, even when work gets super busy or when depression hits.

You want your Lover to eat you, or you want to eat them. That way you two are living inside each other. There is this empty place inside me that is his shape and ironically there is a place inside him just for me that I want to crawl into. Actually, what I really want is merging. A complete mixing where there is 25% me 25% him and 50% us. A blending so intense that it creates a new being. That is why I literally asked to mix blood. This merging or consuming is simply not possible. Mixing blood is problematic at best and lasts only 120 days. The half-life of transfused blood is 30 days. See, I researched this craziness, and yes, it helps that he is in medicine. Eating or drinking is a momentary high and it is digested which I don't feel is all that romantic. So, I came up with alternatives.
The alternatives maintain that "high" and it is socially accepted, even encouraged. It all began with my grandmother who taught me the finer points of cooking. So, I will use cooking to ingest each other...maybe metaphysically...but it will be continuous. Like how I use music. I will make it so that he craves what I'm doing. I learned from my grandmother that every good cook needs to sign her food with a specific spice or herb that makes the dish her own. I also learned that some cooks will also assign their Lover a spice or herb to represent their essence thereby incorporating them into food and beverages. This custom and other folklore was brought to mind and I set out "eating him" and herbally binding us together and he "eating me". After receiving the care package this process began slowly and simply and since then it has become quite elaborate. First I changed my wedding colors to Periwinkle, Rosemary and Ivory. Then I bought a periwinkle plant and some apples then I started buying/making/adapting teas.
"I need apples now! I need the Jeep Finnian!" "Ok, ok, ok...the keys are where I put them. What's wrong?" This trip to the store was as urgent as if I suddenly needed a hygiene product. Afterwards, Finnian scanned through a couple of the marriage books my mom had sent along with the herbs while I was chopping apples. I cooked them in a simple little stewed apple dish overloaded with cinnamon. I remembered reading that apples were a "marriage" fruit. While he was trying to read I was trying to feed him these apples. "There's too much cinnamon, stop." "No, you need to finish the dish. Por favor, you really need to eat this!" - excerpt from another IRL story
My actions in hindsight are sweet and comical and a little twisted. I began shoving apples in Finnian's face, bringing him unusual teas and the apartment began to smell like cinnamon. This all has meaning. I'm afraid I've gotten quite elaborate in my rituals, potions, teas, cooking, decor, music choices, clothing and jewelry even calendar just everything has something that connects he and I. Yes, we did eventually come up with a blood ritual that I may write about later.
More to follow... with examples

Im 40, with a BMI over 40, and high cholesterol. It looks like my PA requires 6 months of comprehensive weight loss program before approval (which is ridiculous based on my age, weight and previous ongoing attempts to lose weight). I do have proof of subscribing to Noom back in October but never really got into it (honestly it seemed very basic and obvious - drink more water - wow, eat vegetables). I wouldn’t have kept it except it was free with my insurance. I also have proof of subscribing to a calorie/ Meal tracker but I’m hit or miss with tracking with that too. Frankly i just want to be normal and not spend my entire life thinking about and planning food. I can eat exactly the same or less than others and still gain wait. Anyway, How exactly is my insurance going to want to verify this comprensive program and what does that even mean? Any success stories or tips appreciated. I have CareFirst with prescriptions through CVS Caremark if that matters.

Link for all the chapters available here: Engines of Arachnea on Royal Road
Deep in the groaning halls of sinew and bone he awaited his audience with the god. At a wave of his hand the ribs which held up the ceiling contracted, tendons shifting within the pink walls of the chamber as the jagged, calcareous spurs that composed the doorway sank back into the spongy masses of tissue, revealing a passage curving down and out of sight.
Menash stood before the yawning portal and considered eternity. This was no an idle thought: here in the Dawning Chamber, the concept was very real. His father, Yulan, had stood in this exact spot times beyond count. When he was struck down in his prime by the Night Weaver and her Leaper offspring, torn limb from limb as he fought to defend Chthonis from a raiding party, Menash’s uncle, Aqavarr, had carried his broken remains over that grinning threshold to join the hosts of the dead, never to return.
A hot and heavy exhalation rattled up out of the depths, wafting in the acrid scent of the bonding pools and the wet slithering sound of the rebirthing canals. Menash felt a crackle of static in the corners of his mind before the signal sharpened and he heard It whisper distinctly:
“Enter…”
The familiar dread crept its way up the small of his back, and he gave a little shiver. No matter how many times he had communed with the Vitalus, he’d never been able to shake the feeling of his utter insignificance. But he persevered, walking bravely down the slurping passage, past the rows of broad antechambers lining either side of the hallway. Each one held a slumbering shape immersed in a cryogenic bath, towering hulks of muscle encased in ribbed and riveted plates of chitin. No two were alike in size or physiology, but all seemed to emanate the same primeval aura of dread that tickled Menash’s fight-or-flight-instinct, skewing it very much towards the latter response. These were the Hollowores, soulless avatars of the Vitalus, each one a tool capable of eradicating an entire species. As Menash approached, one of the living weapons stirred to life. A pronged, anvil-shaped head emerged from the bath, umbilical feeder tubes detaching from its armored flanks as the rest of its bulk followed, its mauve exoskeleton as sleek and shiny as amethyst. The Hollowore extended legs as thick as grown pine trees and lifted itself above him, its pairs of crushing pincers dripping amniotic fluids as it herded him towards the central room.
Bundles of white gossamer filaments spread all across the floor, encircling steaming pools of pus and acid. He saw arms and legs, sensory organs and entire exoskeletons being knitted before his very eyes, the amino acid chains being stitched on a layer at a time, the weeping pus evidence of microphages fighting off possible infections as the Vitalus did Its work.
These were the next generation of exomorphs, yet to be assigned to their hosts. It was here that Vitalus constantly improved the only thing that could ensure the continued survival of Menash’s subspecies. Exomorphs were bonded to Gallivants at birth, the organisms supplying their hosts with the means to breathe an atmosphere they was never meant to endure, and the strength to fight in a world that was red in tooth and claw. They were as swift as the summer wind and could multiply their host’s muscular power by up to twelve times their natural output.
But for all their God-given might, Gallivants were still mortal. They could and often did perish in the endless struggle for existence that the Vitalus called the Great Game. But even in death they could still commit their essence to posterity, passing down their defining traits through the malleable genetic code of the gilt helix. It was the Vitalus’ greatest boon; through the gilt helix a single individual could become a progenitor of an entire generation, becoming at one stroke the father of whole nations and peoples.
One day he too would prove worthy of the honor that Yulan had earned with his life. But he was not alone in that ambition. Menash was annoyed to find the crimson-clad Vezda and the cowardly Racek waiting for him inside, standing next to a large ball of filaments that hung from a tonsil-like growth hanging from the walls.
This node pulsed, emitting a small storm of bioelectric activity, networks of fungi conveying commands in the form of oscillating voltages to their communities of symbiotic bacteria, the latter containing greigite mineral crystals aligned in the shape of electromagnetic coils. Other networks hidden in the walls modulated and amplified the signals, and the three Gallivants steeled themselves for the onrushing flood of information as the Vitalus tapped into their minds.
He was a candle before the raging heart of the thunderstorm. For an instant Menash touched a fraction of Its intelligence, the divisions of time and space rolling back as they joined the ocean of shared consciousness, becoming one with the living systems of Arachnea. From the tiniest aeroplankton floating above the waves of the golden coastlines, to the herds of ultrapods munching their way through swathes of trees in the savannahs. Menash felt himself pushing up out of the soil, longing and lusting and reaching for the sunlight with a trillion green fingers uncurling, alive with the furious movement of life.
But what was that flicker of orange to the east? That searing heat, that prickling pain spreading like a cancer down his side?
The Vitalus scooped them up and hurled them headlong into hell itself. A roaring wildfire was sweeping into the heart of the eastern rainforests. Menash tasted ash and ruin, felt pieces of himself wither and burn, his branches tongues of fire, wood cracking from the intense blaze, sap boiling instantaneously upon contact and rupturing, splitting him right down the grain. He fled in terror, running, slithering, digging, swimming, flying away in crazed panic from the walls of red death closing in on him. As his skin flaked off in clumps of charcoal he looked back and saw it towering over the treetops, the epicenter of this howling vortex of destruction: the grey behemoth. Its burnished metal hide gleamed like copper, reflecting the fury of the conflagration burning well into the night.
Menash pulled his mind away before it was lost forever in the storm of electric potentials. He saw Racek and Vezda swaying on their feet, breathing hard and fast.
“Heart of the World,” he managed to gasp, “What is your bidding?”
The Hollowore maneuvered itself until it was facing him directly. Tiny beady eyes fixed him in their blank gaze. The node emitted a blue pulse and the creature shuddered as it received the signal. It opened a maw powerful enough to chew boulders into gravel and rumbled:
“This one is the alpha which survived first contact with anomalous variable. It will tell Us what occurred, and from whence this threat emerged.”
“It came from the karst mountain range, where the yellowjacket Amit live,” Menash replied, “It was destroying the largest mound in that area, massacring its inhabitants. It brought the mountain down on them—we’ve never seen anything like it. Zildiz was the first on the scene. She warned us not to approach, and that it was dangerous, but some of us,” here he cast an angry look at Vezda, “Some of us went ahead and tried to scavenge from the bodies of the dying. Then the behemoth ignited the air and burned scores of us to cinders.”
“Irrational. Why did you do this?”
“W-we thought that you had spawned the grey behemoth,” Menash stammered, embarrassed to say the least, “That it was the newest addition to the Great Game, another species of ultrafauna that would help perfect Arachnea.”
“Not so. It was made by an evil far older than the All-In-One,” replied the Vitalus, “It is called a Divine Engine. In cycles past, this evil sought to undo this world and all that inhabit it. In that, it almost succeeded.”
Menash felt his blood run cold at those words.
“Is it the only one of its kind?” Racek piped up. Menash and Vezda both bristled at his interruption; subordinates were only supposed to speak when spoken to.
“There were several deployed here in Our infancy. We had thought them all destroyed in the War of Creation.”
“Your Munificence,” Racek went on, heedless of the venomous looks he was getting from the other two, “Most of us survived because Zildiz persuaded us to dive into the river. She saved all our lives! But as I washed up on the riverbank, I saw the behemoth casting a seedpod into the skies. I did not see where it landed, but it was travelling in a high arc due east. Is this the behemoth’s method of reproducing? If so, then how many offspring can it generate from this one seed?”
The Vitalus met his questions with a minute of silence. Menash had never known It to take so long to respond to a query, and felt another stab of unease in his gut. Unless he was imagining things, the Vitalus seemed genuinely disturbed by the scenario that Racek has raised, enough to convince Menash that the danger was far from hypothetical.
“That is a distant possibility,” It said somewhat cryptically, “Regardless, We cannot allow the Engine’s continued existence.”
“Then it must be destroyed,” Vezda said, her barbed tail eagerly perking up.
“We are not certain that it can be,” the Vitalus said, and Menash heard Racek audibly gulp at the admission.
“But Your Omniscience, you alone are the arbiter of growth and decay,” Vezda said in disbelief, “Surely you can unmake this monster as well?”
“Perhaps. The Divine Engines were built to withstand the extremes of temperature, gravity, atmospheric pressure, acidity and irradiation found on semi-inhabitable exoplanets. Worlds of bareness and desolation, glassed by thermonuclear bombardment or infested with alien microorganisms. In the wars of Our youth, the Betrayers used tungsten-alloy warheads fired from space platforms to crack their bulkheads. Not even Our vessels, the Hollowores, could damage them in any significant way. We will need time to gather the raw materials and fabricate the weapons needed to end this threat.”
“What must we do?” Menash asked.
“If this variable is not dealt with, it could upset the delicate balance We have sacrificed so much to achieve. Already the wildfire it has caused will release close to 400 million metric tons of carbon dioxide into the atmosphere and destroy 2.3 million acres of forest before Our countermeasures can stop it. Time is our limiting factor. If the Engine cannot be destroyed now, it must be restrained.”
“It hasn’t moved an inch since we last saw it,” Vezda said brightly, “Maybe it has already died?”
“Yes, and maybe your mother was a horka toad,” Racek said snidely. Vezda scowled and took a step towards him, then stopped as she remembered that she trod on hallowed ground.
“Not so. It has merely gone dormant. Having expended its fuel, it is now running on the bare minimum of its reserves. My children, you must ensure that it does not wake again. Establish a quarantine zone around the Engine and let none approach, on pain of death. The Leaper kindreds will secure the ground while the Gallivants patrol the skies.”
Vezda and Menash exchanged troubled looks. Nobody wanted Leapers establishing a foothold in what was essentially a buffer zone between their subspecies. Once allowed to settle in a habitat, it would not take long for them to adapt and become masters of their new territory. Ousting them would become a battle of attrition, and given the lower birthrates of Gallivants, it was not one they could long afford.
“Respectfully, we do not require assistance from our brother kindred,” Menash ventured, “We are more than capable of safeguarding the area ourselves.”
The node throbbed again, the bioelectric flashes taking on an angry purple hue. With a sound like the grinding of a millstone the Hollowore clashed its claws together impatiently. All three of the mortals took a hasty step back.
“The alpha will obey, or another will be found that can,” the Vitalus growled at them, “All subspecies will observe a general truce during this period. This is a temporary addition to the Great Game. Those that serve Us well shall be rewarded. We shall also enlist the aid of your terrestrial cousins, as well as the Cataphract clans to replenish the soil, and lone Saints who shall rove beyond the quarantine zone.”
Menash’s unease deepened. The Vitalus was bringing together four different kindreds, some of which killed each other on sight, in a move that reeked of desperation. The kindreds had worked together before, of course, on complex projects such as altering rainfall patterns and husbanding struggling species, but never so many at once. This was bound to end in bloodshed.
“Those that break the truce shall be chemically neutered, and their gilt helix purged from the existing gene pool,” the Vitalus continued, “You will maintain this quarantine until We have dealt with the Engine.”
“It is understood!” Menash and Vezda said at once.
“But what about Zildiz?” Racek blurted out, again risking his entire lineage by speaking out of turn, “She might still be alive out there!”
“He’s right,” Menash found himself agreeing despite his dislike for Racek, “She’s our alpha, after all. It would be a shame to lose her helix. Do we have your leave to send out a party to recover her?”
The Vitalus pondered the request for a moment, then crushed his hopes when it said:
“Regrettable, the loss of the female. Valuable stock for the breeding program. But it has not responded to Our signals—it is unlikely to have survived. The female Vezda shall take up its duties as alpha.”
“But Your Benevolence—” both men cried out in unison.
“It is decided. She has risked the Great Game, and must abide by its outcome. To speak more on this would risk Our displeasure,” the god warned.
“We can’t spare the manpower anyway,” Vezda pointed out, trying not to look too pleased at Its decision. She darted a quick look at Menash, long enough for him to see the selfish desire festering in her heart. He turned away from her in disgust, baring his blades by the slightest of margins to let her know what he thought of her, then asked the Vitalus:
“But what of the Engine’s seedpod? Should we search for it?”
“Negative!” the Vitalus boomed, its node reinforcing the word with a spike of activity that sent needles of pain spearing into their heads, “We shall complete this task. It is dangerous and can be entrusted to no other.”
The Hollowore angled its massive head towards the cavernous ceiling, armored flaps on its back sliding aside as it unfurled sets of rigid sixty-meter wings. A wide sphincter on the roof gaped open and Menash saw the evening sky awash with the stars in their milky multitudes. The Hollowore took a deep breath through the spiracles lining its thorax and abdomen, pumping air through a pair of hollow tube-like protuberances under either of its wings. Menash and the others quickly scampered to a safe distance. Seconds later there was a scream of chemical combustion and the Hollowore rose into the evening skies, leaving behind a long trail of superheated gases, the backwash almost knocking Menash off his feet. They watched as the Hollowore gained altitude, making straight for the columns of billowing smoke on the horizon, a sweeping shadow blotting out the light of the heavens.
The Vitalus’ mental presence receded with it. When it did not return, they took it to mean that they were dismissed and likewise took flight and headed for Chthonis. They were hardly out of the Dawning Chamber when Vezda seized the scrawny Racek by his wings and anchored her feet right up against his back.
“Funny little man, are you? Crack jokes at my expense again, and I’ll see to it that you’ll never fly again!” she snarled, yanking hard. Racek yelled as his wings threatened to pop out of their sockets.
“Stop!” Menash said, ramming his shoulder into her and knocking the smaller male out of her grip. Vezda rounded on him, blades out and her tail aquiver with rage.
“As for you! No one should speak to the Vitalus like that!” she shrieked, “Much less gainsay It! Are you trying to get us all killed? It is the source and continuance of life itself—”
“But the Vitalus doesn’t always consider the individual scale of things,” Menash reasoned, controlling his rising anger as he tried to defuse the situation, “Its scope of thought is beyond ours. Therefore it is up to us to look after each other. None of us can win the Great Game alone. We need people like Zildiz for the species to prosper.”
“Your logic is flawed,” Vezda spat, “Empathy is a sham devised by the selfish action of the gene, which seeks only to preserve itself. At least I am honest enough to look after my own interests. Your obsession with that whore is misplaced. Heed my words, Menash. What happened today marks a change in the Great Game. Only the ruthless will reap the rewards of this era. Think on that, and act accordingly.”
The female darted off in another direction, leaving the two behind.
“Thanks,” Racek said, rubbing at his sore shoulders, “My, my. She’s really taking her promotion very seriously, isn’t she?”
“This doesn’t make us friends,” Menash said shortly, “We share a common interest, that’s all.”
The two flew together in silence for a time, the dark canopy unrolling below their feet. Racek had always been a bitter rival for Zildiz’s affections. In the mating seasons he and Menash had flown the damsel-dance against each other countless times, racing and dogfighting at top speed through the dense bamboo thickets in an effort to impress her.
But each time she had always chosen Menash. Naturally. He was the stronger, the braver, the son of the Scourge who had slain hundreds on his lightning raids into Leaper territory. Their pairings had been brief and passionate, yet she had always laughed at the end and gone on her merry way, a rose petal borne on a scented breeze, the dalliance as meaningless to her as other concerns like eating or breathing.
But not to him. Right now, all that mattered was her. And Racek was the only one in the whole wide world who knew exactly how he felt. Did that mean he could be trusted? Menash considered the enormity of what he was about to do, and wavered. Then he saw her face in the darkness of his home, the face she wore when they were all alone together, and he took a deep breath before breaking the silence, saying:
“I’ll be in charge of the quarantine. I can arrange for you to disappear for a few days. I can have one of the younglings mimic your magnetosynaptic signal, make it seem like you’re with the rest of us.”
“You’d do that? For me?” Racek said in astonishment.
“Hah. Not for you,” Menash laughed softly. He looked Racek straight in the eyes and continued: “What’ll it be, then?”
If he so much as hesitates, I’ll have to kill him here and now, Menash told himself.
“Why, yes. Yes, of course!” the little brown male said vigorously.
“Good,” Menash sighed with relief, “She’ll be very grateful to whoever brings her home. I’d do it myself, but as an alpha I can’t risk being seen as disobedient.”
“Then why give me this chance? After all that’s passed between us?”
“I should have thought that was obvious,” Menash replied. Racek digested that for a bit, then out of nowhere said:
“If I find her—when I find her—I’ll tell her exactly who it was that sent me.”
“That won’t be necessary.”
“Bah! Just so we’re even, that’s all,” Racek grinned, his mouthparts slanting askew.
“Thanks, I guess. I’d…I’d appreciate that. You do understand what we’re risking here, right?”
“Sure. We’ll be total genetic write-offs if we’re caught. But it’s not like I wanted to see tiny ugly Raceks running around the house anyway. What about you, though? Why are you putting your neck on the chopping block?”
“You know why,” Menash said quietly, his thoughts still lingering on her face.
“Yes,” Racek agreed with a wistful air, “Yes, I suppose I do.”
And the pair spoke no more until they reached Chthonis.
Link for all the chapters available here: Engines of Arachnea on Royal Road

We rescued a kitten a few weeks ago and he’s been staying in our guest room while we get him healthy. He goes out and socializes with our cats and they all get along just fine, but he spends a lot of his time in the guest room so that our cats don’t go in his litter or eat his special food.
I was working at my desk just now when I heard terrible screaming meows coming from the guest room. I ran in and the kitten was running around, tail puffed up, still screaming over and over. He was running into walls. I picked him up and he tried attacking me and so I gave him a little squeeze and he finally froze. He was drooling a lot and his pupils were very dilated. Now he is okay, a little shaken up but purring and sleepy.
Has anyone seen anything like this before? I’m at a loss. He was in the room completely alone, I checked for snakes or bugs that may have hurt him (we live in Florida so you never know), but the room was empty. Any help would be much appreciated because this was very scary and I want to know if this is an illness for normal.
TIA guys.

T/W: Mentions of Suicide and Schizophrenia.
It was the year of 2022, my personal life and family issues have gotten worse, for my mother who suffers from schizophrenia and depression went back to my grandmother's place because she couldn't handle the stress that comes with taking care of a household just a month before my 12th boards were going to start.
My heart ached for her but I knew with my exans a month away and other responsibilities of the household falling back on my shoulders, I was incapable of takinh care of her mentally.
I still casually chuckle at the thought of how I skipped my history pre-boards because she was feeling sick and suicidal and had done things before when I was younger so my heart did not dare leave her alone. My little sister who was only 10 at that time was genuinely scared and worried, would cry non stop. She said "Didi, is it because of me that mumma is going to die? Am I really that bad?" My heart broke that day.
Skip to 2 months later, the results came and the best of four marks was decent but not good enough to get me a college solely on merit. But I was fine, my aim was to prepare for CLAT anyway and so I did. Took a risk, conviced my father for a drop year and prepared diligently for 3 months straight but luck was not by my side, and my health started deteriorating- stomach issues, weak immue system, anaemia, fatal cramps from periods. Every month I felt like I was on a war against myself and hence, my motivation to study collapsed.
After my results my mother was back at our place because she couldn't live with her parents anymore, she missed us and was stubborn at how she was better and would like to be back and be a mother to both of her children. And she arrived, with full enthusiasm but alas, that didn't last long and she left again . I can't blame her honestly, we live in a place where the mental institutions are pathetic and not one relative nearby who could help us. And where was my father in the whole scene? He has been posted to a different state, kilometres away from us. Visiting only once a month, it was tough handing all the responsibilities of home along with my sister.
I am grateful for my father earns well, we had a cook and a helper to do all the chores but it was still tough. I would study hours and hours, help my sister with her academics, making her lunch, dropping her to the busy, grocery shopping, going to the coaching on weekends. It took a mental toll on me.
So the dreaded moment finally came in last December, tons of mocks, revisions and practice I went to the exam centre and sat for it. Mentally convicing myself that it will be okay, no need to nervous and it would just be fine. But I don't think my thoughts really went into my head because my mind went blank the moment I read the question paper and the exam anxiety kicked in. And god, it kicked in so hard I regret to this date.
After the exam, I cried and cried and cried. I was devastated, I did my best sure but the fact I could have done better only if I was capable enough to handle my anxiety ate me alive. I still remember the look on my father's face when the results came in a week later, it was as if he didn't even expect me to do well but was still disappointed that I didn't prove him wrong.
It took me two months almost to get out from that zone of self doubt, embarassment and low motivation. I decided everything is fine, life can give me another chance right? A person as passionate as me about law obviously deserves a chance to get into my dream college and be a successful person. But man, I was wrong.
Yesterday, I gave CUET conducted by the most esteemed agency which considers how important the future of it's aspirants are /s. And to say less, it went pathetic too lmao. My english is genuinely a strength of mine so I did well in that but an hour later, when I sat for General Test with time duration of one hour, I failed to attempt even half the number of questions I was required to. It wasn't as if I didn't study enough, did not do enough mocks or got extremely nervous. Infact, it was the complete opposite this time.
Yet, luck wasn't with me this particular juncture as well. NTA, infamous for it's paper leaks, disastrous management and cancelling exams did what it is good at. I was unfortunate that my invigilators had the least amount of respect for the students. Giving the paper 5 minutes late, not knowing the instructions properly, tons of signatures in between (which I actually do not mind) and shouting in the middle of examination at a boy who sat on another desk which wasn't his designated one. In hand we had 45 minutes, which I made full use of still, it wasn't sufficient.
Came home dejected, tired with centres being 30-40 kms away, I made the mistake of counting my marks and oh lord, I haven't stopped having anxiety attacks since then. I always knew there was no use of having so much of expectations from this exam but god it hurts, it aches and it is killing me. I worked day and night for the 2 and half a months setting everything aside. Every fear, each regret and now I am at loss because of something which isn't even my fault.
They say cut off will go low, but honestly how low can it go? I am at such position where even if I ace two subjects out of three, the one I failed was the deciding factor and without it, my name will be on no college list.
Maybe it's my fault, maybe I don't work hard enough, maybe my mind is messed up or maybe, I am just a lazy person who deserves no college seat because let's be real, if I was really worthy of it, I'd have it already. This is not a blame myself or my circumstances post, I just wanted to share the emotions I have been trying to suppress for the past year. Parent's don't really get it and think I am just another average Joe. Also, nobody around me is empathetic enough to hold my hand and console me. ( Expecting it seems wrong now too )
I said my life is over because I am genuinely scarred now, and yes it has only been two exams, I deserve to move on and I'll understand the later. But two consecutive failures where I genuinely worked hard, though wasn't enough, makes me think maybe I am not meant for this. As an elder daughter someday the responsibility of the household will fall on my shoulders, but if I can't even get a college to complete my education how will I do a job and earn money?
We don't have enough money to join a private college and all the entrance exams seems too tough for my dumb mind now. Thankyou if you read till the end.

I’ve technically spent years “trying” to lose weight. I’ve broken down crying more times than I can count feeling sorry for myself and being frustrated that I kept gaining weight despite trying to lose (spoiler alert: I wasn’t being honest to myself about my calories).
I got so desperate that I hired a personal trainer / nutritionist that cost around $1k/mo. It was a huge stretch for me financially but I really wanted to prioritize my weight loss.
She told me I’d been dieting too long and was in starvation mode, and to “fix” my metabolism she prescribed me 2300 calories/day. I’m 5’4 and at the time was 150 pounds with a TDEE around 1800. The calorie goal was prescribed alongside 2 30-minute strength training sessions with her per week that burned around 200 cals. You can guess how this went.
After I gained 10 more lbs with her, I hired a new person who was even more expensive. She told me, “you don’t actually want to lose weight. You want to be strong and look muscular, trust me!” I actually really DID want to lose weight and really didn’t care that much about “looking muscular,” but I let her convince me.
She did lower my calorie goal - to my TDEE (1800). She upped my strength training to 4 days per week, which put me in a MINOR weekly deficit.
Over the course of 5 months with her, I lost 5 pounds and still felt extremely unhappy with myself. I don’t even enjoy strength training. I love swimming, biking and running, but neither of these “trainers” ever even asked what I liked, they just prescribed what weight lifting.
I finally got serious and took this into my own hands. I got honest and I’m doing the work and exercising in ways I enjoy. I’ve now lost that same 5 lbs in THREE WEEKS and I’ve actually saved money not buying junk.
It just annoys me to think about - I had to vent. Anyone else try wild and/or exorbitantly expensive weight loss fixes before just buckling down and doing the thing?