Tiffany lakosky in swimsuit bowfishing
Judging you based on the killer cosmetic you use
2024.04.24 09:43 baeatello Judging you based on the killer cosmetic you use
| Frosty eyes: youre a baby and also very toxic. Please stop. Baba yaga: you strike the fear of god in me Tiffany: ugh mommy- cough cough what uh anyway ONLY the yellow robbie: youre the man behind the slaughter Maurice: youre really chill and honestly i just love my horsey Alien queen: please stomp on me Hunk: GOD!!!! RAIL ME!!!!!!! Chatterer: you were probably begging for pinhead to be added since myers was added Angel of music: GOD ily Birch: you dont exist Literally and skull merchant one: why???? Are you ok?? Im worried for you The swimsuit huntress: UGH MOMMY!!!!! submitted by baeatello to deadbydaylight [link] [comments] |
2024.04.11 17:18 42069CakeDay CMV: Tyra Banks was 100% in the wrong for screaming at Tiffany.
We're referring to the only memorable moment that people who don't watch America's Next Top Model remember the show for.
"I was rooting for you, we were ALL ROOTING FOR YOU, HOW DARE YOU?"
That moment.
Anyway, I decided to watch that whole season and do some research.
Tiffany had auditioned for the season prior, but failed to make the final cut due to failed psych evaluations and getting into a bar fight.
Tyra put Tiffany through anger management. Tiffany came back and made the final cut. She was ELATED, and shared a story about how her grandmother deferred paying her electric bill, let her lights go out, so she could buy Tiffany a swimsuit for the competition.
Just watching the season in general, I could tell that towards (and during) that final episode, I could tell Tiffany sort of gave up. The teleprompter reading challenge, where Tiffany was saying "I can't read this" I could tell she was defeated, and Tyra and her panel did not help.
Eventually, Tiffany was eliminated. Tiffany didn't cry when she was told she was out. She was laughing and hugging and shit. She was being a good sport and taking it in stride. I would be proud of her too.
Apparently, Tyra was not proud of her. She called Tiffany and Rebecca (the other girl eliminated) praising Rebecca for showing emotion after losing, then launching her attack at Tiffany, how it was a joke to her, how her grandmom got her lights shut off, talking about anger management.
Tiffany tried defending herself, before Tyra eventually flips out on her.
Tyra was upset at Tiffany's attitude and not trying. If she really cared about it, she would have done this speech BEFORE she was eliminated instead of after when it didn't matter.
A lot of that stuff was just...wrong and uncalled for. It was uncalled for of her to scream at her and tell her to "be quiet."
"When my mother yelled like this it's because she loved me"
Funny. When my mom yelled at me the way you yelled at Tiffany, it was because she was pissed off at me. And also, you are not her mother.
You come off trying real hard to be Mother Theresa, but in reality you are just a cunt for doing that.
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2024.03.23 16:09 wabblewoo Packing for spring break video- NayVee
In the video, NayVee was clearly so over showing all the stuff she was packing. When she was showing her swimsuits, she was just kinda placing them down, and sounded annoyed. It was clear she did NOT want the camera to be on her. Poor NayVee, it made me annoyed for her when Tiffany was just sitting there and making NayVee do something she clearly wasn’t enjoying.Same with PaisLee, it was pretty clear that she would rather be playing Fortnite than showing some camera the clothes she packed for her vacation. I feel so bad for these kids, who probably just want a normal life where they’re able to pack for a trip in peace.
Not really related, but PresLee was acting kinda rude when she was showing the stuff LiLee got her from Old Navy. She was probably upset the clothes weren’t from a trendy or expensive brand.
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2024.02.17 18:26 Accomplished-Tip1649 Bop
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2024.02.04 13:42 The_Lone_Apple MSNBC Loves To Stir It Up Among The Left - I Guess To Be Both Sides(?)
I don't know if it's simply the quirks of different hosts or some news department edict to set factions on the left at each other, but I've noticed more of it recently. There's more progressive (as opposed liberal Democrat) criticism of Biden's foreign policy - that's been obvious on the air. Chris Hayes and Joy Reid are chief among that crowd. I just find it off-putting because there are never any solutions. Hayes might as well say can't we all just be pacifists and our adversaries will clearly honor that. That's not realistic and I'm a realist. Reid goes at Biden for similar reasons but she is more a part of the left that spends its time wearing swimsuits with Tiffany Cross and posing for pics from the resort. They promote a special and suggest that black men are not going to vote for Biden with the only evidence a bunch of guys in a barber shop. Poll numbers don't reflect that suggestion. On the other hand, Jen Psaki and Lawrence O'Donnell are straight-up Democrats and their programs are all about winning in November.
All I'm saying is that right now we have a network that is 100% Trump and a network that is 100% both sides are just as wrong. Is it bad to have one network that in 2024 - an important election year where Republicans desire to turn the U.S. into an autocracy - recognizes that reality and is a bit more practical in its presentation. The folks who vote for 8th party numbnuts because they have better chants don't need to be stirred up any more on the left. I just hope they don't add to the numbers of those pie-in-the-sky dreamers.
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2023.10.22 08:06 dksurvivor [S] (S2) DK's Survivor: Indonesia
Welcome to the second season of DK's Survivor.
16 people from all different walks of life have signed up for the journey of a lifetime. They will be left to fend for themselves on the island of Nusa Barong in Indonesia for up to 42 days, battling in fierce competitions and voting each other out, one by one. In the end only a single competitor will reign supreme, and they will claim the title of sole survivor.
Season link: https://brantsteele.com/survivo02/r.php?c=SQ2Iu13E Castaways:
Bali Tribe: - Carter Witworth - 23 - College Student - u/JTsidol
- Lance Vance - 75 - Retired Rockstar - Borneo, Indonesia - u/Guetguet1993
- Nikandr Kuznetsov - 25 - Middle School Teacher - New York City, NY, USA - u/BigTeddyBear20
- Odette Riley - 24 - House Painter - Fort Wayne, IN, USA - u/Nahuelfire39
- Shawn Voldoski - 23 - Drummer - New York City, NY, USA - u/swoldow
- Sita Wahner - 34 - Food Critic - Sacramento, CA, USA u/Sxvorii
- Tiffany Jenkins - 26 - Model - u/JTsidol
- Xia Lee - 24 - Coffee Shop Owner - Chicago, IL, USA - u/Guetguet1993
Java Tribe: - Antonio Rossi - 34 - Bouncer - Staten Island, NY, USA - u/Sl3dgeMan
- Bridgette Davis - 21 - Harvard Law Student - u/wiredphone
- Derek Anderson - 28 - Investment Banker - New York City, NY, USA - u/Nahuelfire39
- Ignacio Ortega - 22 - Ride Sharer - u/Twig7665
- Inez Sabrillo - 22 - Swimsuit Model - San Diego, CA, USA - u/swoldow
- Jeffrey Benson - 22 - Student Athlete - Pittsburgh, PA, USA u/Sxvorii
- Svetlana Sarkisian - 30 - Air Traffic Controller - Detroit, MI, USA - u/Twig7665
- Yvonne Shifer - 55 - AuthoRetired Actor - Atlanta, GA, USA - u/BigTeddyBear20
Winner: __________Bridgette Davis__________ Fan Favorite: __________Jeffrey Benson__________ Link to wiki page for the season: DK's Survivor: Indonesia DKSurvivor Wiki Fandom Overall thoughts: I really enjoyed this season! The cast was great, and I would absolutely love to see several of the players back in the future. In my opinion, Bridge in particular played an insane game socially. She had so many different alliances, even with people from the Bali tribe who had the numbers going into the merge. As well, she never received a single vote against her the whole game, and nearly won unanimously at 6-1. Feel free to leave your thoughts below. Stay tuned for the sign-ups for season 3.
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2023.07.23 01:24 YCHofficial Tyra VS Tiffany. Asked ChatGPT to make their dialogue ''professional''
Tyra: Rebecca, I want to acknowledge and appreciate the display of emotion you're expressing at the moment. It's evident that this matter holds significant importance to you.
Tiffany, I must express my deep disappointment in your recent behavior. It seems as though you are treating this competition lightly, and it comes across as if it's not something you take seriously. Your journey has included anger management, and your grandmother made sacrifices by forgoing basic necessities to support you, such as having her lights turned off to purchase a swimsuit for this very competition. Considering the gravity of this event for the other girls involved, I strongly believe it should hold equal significance for you as well. Joking and laughing in such a context are disheartening and do not reflect the seriousness this situation deserves.
Tiffany: I understand that my demeanor might suggest otherwise, but looks can be deceiving. I am deeply hurt, and I acknowledge that, but I also recognize that I can't change the past, Tyra. I've been...
Tyra: What do you feel you can't change?
Tiffany: I'm tired of dwelling on things beyond my control. The constant disappointments and frustrations have taken a toll on me. I'm not...
Tyra: Tiffany, I disagree. You're not truly fed up with disappointments.
Tiffany: Respectfully, I believe I am...
Tyra: No, you're not. If you were genuinely fed up, you would rise above these challenges and seize control of your destiny. Did you realize you had a real chance of winning? Are you aware that countless people across America are rooting for you? Do you comprehend the significance of these opportunities? Yet, you treated them with levity, dismissing important aspects such as reading the information provided. Your reading ability surpasses that of at least half of the other contestants.
Two male judges: You did. You did.
Tyra: It appears that you're approaching this situation with a defeatist attitude.
Tiffany: I must clarify that I don't intentionally harbor a negative attitude. However, I admit that there might be underlying feelings of anger within me due to certain past experiences I've endured.
Tyra: Please, Tiffany, remain calm and composed. What seems to be the matter? This is an emotional moment for me because I feel invested in your success. I have never raised my voice at any contestant in this manner before. When my mother exhibits such emotions, it's out of love and concern. We were all genuinely rooting for your triumph, and I must express my disappointment at your recent actions.
I implore you to glean something valuable from this experience. At the end of each day, you need to introspect and hold yourself accountable, as nobody else will do it for you. I understand that you may feel like you've heard similar advice before, but the context may be different. My background and the challenges I've faced might be unfamiliar to you, but I have never allowed myself to be a victim. Instead, I use these experiences to grow and learn.
It is crucial that you take responsibility for your actions and choices. Let this be a turning point for your personal and professional growth.
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2023.07.10 04:15 Iworkformycat27 90-Day Fiance: Before the 90-Days, Dangerous Liaisons, An Episode Review
In Sharp Entertainment’s latest prod-uction, the only show with less art and more low-brow humor than the porn parody of Lifetime’s “Babysitter Nightmare”, 90-Day Fiance: Before the 90-Days, we see our protagonists, making mistakes. What mistakes will they make, how many? Who, what, when, where, why, why? Seriously, why, when do they get a raise, raise?
Jasmine and Gino
Did you know that running errands is code for calling your ex/neighbor and complaining about your sex life? Yes, it is hypocritical you can’t say it’s not- but you can perpetuate the small white dog, Hispanic family stereotype, seriously, we are two for two, do Kenny and Armando have a small white dog?
Jasmine’s ex suggests therapy, and not telling him that he loves he, or hugs, or kisses. Maybe if she boops the tip of Gino’s penis with sunscreen this never happened. Jasmine takes Gino to work out in a park- fondling him in public and asking him about his sexual fantasies burns a lot of calories.
Gino says that he’ll have sex with Jasmine if they stop arguing, and never argue, ever again, like any- I know this is Gino and Jasmine but isn’t that a big ask for any human? I argued with my cat this morning, he wouldn’t get off my laundry and I love him deeply but sometimes- don’t worry, I gave him treats for offending his majesty but still, that shit hurt, like his claws.
Maybe Gino will be better at dancing- with Jasmine and her nympho friends, the Butt Plug Fairy Godmothers- who would love to know if he’s done anal before, 3 more cocktails and they’re doing a background investigation, nope, they’re- you can tell they’re not even trying to be classy, they’re not drinking wine.
Gino starts airing their dirty laundry, she was talking to Dane, but Juan enthusias- come on Juana, don’t suspiciously raise your hand like you’re in court, that, he’s doing more investigating now, you’re supposed to say “Yeah, she’s a slut but she’s a slut for you- and your penissss, slurred speech, spinning around, falling on the floor, Spring Break!
Riley and Violet
Violet has a surprise- manual sweatshop labor! She is going to take Riley traditional clothes shopping, he needs to look his best to meet her family, and be very confused and fat-shamed, he is a sensitive American. Now would be a horrible time to get a text from a shirtless man.
Riley and Violet re-enact “The Death of a Salesman” in the middle of the street, Violet says they don’t need to share everything with each other yet, which, honestly they JUST met in person and she can’t cancel dinner.
Bao and Tuyet are excited to meet the first black person they’ve ever met in their entire life, so is Bao’s brother, Bao’s mom, the dog, the dog doesn’t have a name that I remember- and didn’t get a present! Where are his shoes and Michael Kors bag, does anybody else get gifts? Seriously, Bao’s mom has beef with this, and also in the soup. Why is he a bastard man?
Violet’s daughters want to know too, did he include a wallet in this bag? It has a matching wallet? Violet and all of the women present defend the honor of Vietnamese women! Maybe he’s the problem, which, he, says he’ll try? Better? More? Can he have food now?
Statler and Demsey
Did you ever wonder what Eliza Thornberry would be like if she liked pussy and dyed her hair brown? Ta da! Meet Statler, she’s neurospicy, and attempting to work from home, much like- is that a cat? Her family sounds horrible. But hey, she’s a pimp now. Bangin in churches and elevators- with people in them.
Statler ran out of women in America so she moved her dating profile to England, and she met Demsey. Demsey is her forever- squirrel! Should I tell my girlfriend I’m coming to see her? Nah. This is a bomb-ass TV Dinner.
Statler and her friend who:
A Questions Her Relationship
B Questions Her Relationship
C Questions Her Relationship
D Questions Her Relationship and Has the Evidence to Back it Up
If you picked D, yay, she has a pattern and HAS ALREADY BEEN THROUGH THIS BEFORE? At least they aren’t complete- they are complete opposites? And she has an ex, IN ENGLAND? Well, I need more wine and Ritz Crackers.
Statler’s friend tells her to be careful, although the producers are telling her not to be. This is why Annie and Robert have so many children.
After the bar, Statler has to go home and pack, and since she has ADHD she gets the Wes Anderson music, and lighting, this, by the way she has jealousy and trust issues gotta shoe horn that in there, raccoon, something about lightning and butts. Is that how Pikachus are made?
Dempsey tells Statler that she might miss her flight, which cues the Lifetime Movie theme music, which cues the ball of emotions- which is how Ekans are made. Snakes coil up in coital balls and touch cloacas transmitting Sex Juice- I am Eliza Thornberry if she LOVED DICK and didn’t dye her hair brown, I have the monkey in my basement and Donnie is the local crackhead in my neighborhood, we never should have given up life on the road, snake bebes.
David and Shelia
Ah, yes the majestic trash river, here we see the entrance to Darcey’s v- oh, this is the Phillippines, kind of looked like Miami for a second, how horny was the sweaty deaf man? That, oh, we’re doing Sportscenter, they 69’ed! Here’s Dan down on the field with even more personal information that we do not need to know.
David trusts Shelia so much after that hot non-penetrating action that he gives her his phone, and that shit goes down south faster than Jasmine on Gino- if he wanted that to happen!
Shelia takes David to the dead animals market, a veritable bazaar of, dead animals, and flowers, sombreros, snacks- a Walmart en plaine aire, where a Mortal Kombat fight could start any minute, or at that church- Asia has a lot of scenic locations where you could fight people, Sonic and the Vibrator Store where Mallory works at just don’t have the same vibe- if you couldn’t use the dildos as weapons.
Shelia and David ask each other about their past relationships- in front of a church, so God is present, to witness the jealousy and/or lies, wither way Imelda Marcos is about to jump out of a bush and fight one of them. She uses shoes as a weapon, along with corruption and human rights offenses.
Christian and Cleo
Christian is getting drunk on a plane, he's been cut off and he’s only halfway there, he is ready for all that fish that Cleo is serving. He is going to put his lips on, another drink, nobody’s chickening out here, he’s not making sure he smells like an angel in the bathroom, and oh crap there is girlfriend, kissy time. Who’s bottoming who tonight?
Uncle Christian isn’t ready to be a daddy yet- to Cleo’s cats, or Cleo, he’s Uncle Christian, a family friend- who isn’t creepy. I had an uncle-cousin who was family, and creepy, one time I was swimming in the pool and one of my boobs fell out of my swimsuit top, and my dad told me that, so I fixed it, and he looked over at me, which was weird, also I was 17, and then he died- seriously, I’ve never gone swimming ever again, just one titty struck him down.
It didn’t even show up to his funeral, it was that awkward.
Anyway, I give this episode 4.8/5 stars, the highlight was Statler, being, she is a walking ball of memes, Sex SportsCenter gets an honorable mention because how can we unsee that? Coco can’t, someone give Coco an honorable mention, Coco was the least problematic part of this episode, she was just wearing a dog hoodie and being confused, I was a wolf once? Is this my house? Who are you people?!?!!
Next week, all of those people will be back, Statler lands in London and gets the Flu, Cleo and Christian go on a date in London- Christain totally doesn’t flirt with other women in front of her. Meisha and Nikola also go out somewhere, and do their best Jasmine and Gino impression- but you can’t beat the original, he asks her point blank about Dane.
Tiffany also has questions for Violet, aggressive questions, which Tyray should have for the PI, because he needed more- he must really need this money.
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2023.06.28 13:31 readingrachelx Housewife highlights/Daily shit talk - June 28th, 2023
ORANGE COUNTY ATLANTA NEW YORK BEVERLY HILLS POTOMAC NEW JERSEY DALLAS When it comes to mixing functionality and style, the Neverfull beats out the brand’s more fanciful best-sellers like the Speedy and Pochette. Tiffany Moon — a Dallas-based anesthesiologist, creator, and former cast member of The Real Housewives of Dallas — used it for years as her diaper bag. “It's so collapsible, I can fit it in the basket of the stroller,” she explains. BRAVO JOHANNESBURG Links to this week's episode discussion posts: submitted by
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2023.06.06 03:22 passports_parakeets From Lazy to AZ - The Dirtles Week in Review
Monday Mexican shredded cheese-topped blueberries. It’s what’s for breakfast when Minnie is on breakfast duty, in charge of monitoring your glucose, and you’re two years old.
Waterskiing for soggy sandwiches is the new skiing for donuts. Ski-vie Kate wanted to go first but had to wait for the larger of her two handlers to demonstrate how to use the ski trainer while her other handler ruptured her eardrums. After she waterskied to her parents’ satisfaction, it was time for a nap in her swimsuit, but the Contentot broke free from the blackout tent looking for juice and pajamas. Back out on the water again, Sea-Doo Kate was fed more sandwiches to perform for Instagram. During her break from filming, Stevie Chalk colored Belle’s fur pink and declared her love for the number one guy in the group, Tanner, with sidewalk art.
Tuesday The Tuesday after Memorial Day means it’s back to work for the Turtles… just kidding! When you’re a Houghton, every day is a vacation day and they’re all still at the lake.
Feral Kate woke up with hair bigger than Sam’s but at least she didn’t have to spend the whole night sleeping in a dirty swimsuit. As the hardest working Houghton, she was immediately tasked with executing today’s content plan: Stand Up Waterskiing for a Two Year Old. Failure was not an option. Her wages? Unlimited sandwiches on the boat 🥪 and Rice Krispies doled out to her like cat treats off the side of the ski trainer.
In fact
Stevie Sandwich consumed more sandwiches over Memorial Day weekend than Jen has eaten in her entire life - regular bread, Sola bread, or otherwise. Who can blame the little bread lover though. She was just trying to eat enough so that the giant life jacket they gave her would actually fit.
Snap Crackle Kate exceeded everyone’s expectations for waterskiing content and was rewarded with ice cream by coach Uncle Tanner. She seemed to love her moment in the spotlight on the water, smiling, hamming it up for the camera and singing along to her favorite Frozen songs.
Howler Monkey: Steven makes
THE BEST peach cobbler in the world better cobbler than Tiffany. All you do is put peaches in the bottom of a baking dish, sprinkle cake mix on them, and slice up a stick of butter and put it on top of that. Because I never eat food or cook, I think it’s absolutely BRILLIANT. Wowowowow.
Wednesday Dimwit took the day off IG but Jen storied what the Junior Turtles were up to today. Jen awoke to find Sleepy Kate blacked out in the kitchen and Dim and Dum asleep on the new sofa surrounded by a sea of plastic water bottles and cereal bowls. Apparently the A/C had gone out in their bedroom. Dimmy reported for Shilly babysitting duty while Tiffany and Adam went jet skiing. Tiffany had a case of mom brain which apparently made her forget riding a jet ski three weeks postpartum would be a bad idea. But somehow she bopped right through and Adam was the one left doubled over in pain. It was right back to work for Snap Crackle Kate as she waterskied again for Rice Krispies doled out by Tanner. Training Stevie Canine was such a success that Dummy didn’t even have to pull out his iPhone notes to reference his Fix Whining Plan.
Turtle time check. Jen shared stories from Saturday and tried to pass them off as today’s, of the Dirtles touring the new $5 million lake house she and Sr bought. In today’s depiction of Saturdays tour, SK seemed more impressed by the Castle o’ Timber, while Dimmy was ready for Jen to give it a Sarah Knuth-inspired makeover.
Back in real time, Jen shared her favorite family moments from the week at the lake house, and poor Dummy wasn’t featured in a single photo, while Dimmy was in one photo and Stevie Kate featured in five photos.
Thursday Stevie Kontent’s wake up call: bright lights, big shrieks, and a phone shoved in her face. You can only hide under a blanket for so long before your handlers make you greet the internet with your good morning script and declare your love for all the fat poors who fund your travel. Next up it was time to force Shein Kate into some commissionable, linkable fast fashion while pretending the Contentot put together the cheap look all on her own.
Dummy updated us she got her period and is not pregnant with SK 2.0 (whew we’re all relieved to have a brief reprieve from turtle pregnancies).
String Cheese Kate had blueberries, a bracelet, a piece of cheese and avocado toast for lunch while Kimmy had a Go Hydrate drink containing 5 calories for lunch. So 👏🏻 so 👏🏻 yummy and it totally fills her up. After less than just one day back at home, Kimmy announced it’s time to travel again - to Arizona to see friends Brooke & Justin and then to a friend’s wedding in Utah - so she’s packing all her powders and supplements and shit to shill for the next several days.
Stevie Shaving Cream played with the neighbor boy in the tub with shaving cream but they didn’t like it, probably because their stupid moms couldn’t figure out that the tub is also a great place to rinse off the mess when they’re done. So the dim moms dragged the dirty tots through the house and plopped them outside at the water table to hose them off.
Dimmy was excited when a giant box was delivered - more shit to shill! - only to realize the package contained dozens of rolls of toilet paper addressed to Stevie Charmin. Was the tot’s BFF Sam behind this? Maybe he sent the package to SK to encourage her to TP Turtle Creek Lane as his punishment to the Senior Turtles for the Mormon bucket trek! Unbothered that strangers could be sending her weird stuff through the mail, Return to Sender Kate unboxed the rest of the day’s packages while reciting The Gruffalo and dumping a plate of her food on the floor.
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2023.05.29 00:05 passports_parakeets Whining and Dining - Stevie Kate’s Week in Review
Monday Dimmy: Hello, we’ve all been sick since yesterday! But we also develop a severe allergic reaction if we stay home! So Superspreader Kate ran outside in her pajamas to have a tea party with the ducks at the park then we plopped her back in bed for a nap in her dirty pajamas, but she woke up soon after because she’s sick and pooped her pajamas. Why get a clean outfit out now, when I can just take her pajama pants off and continue about our day! Beady Kate was upset so I gave her a pack of 36 cheap bracelets from Amazon to distract her. I’ll link ‘em up for you even though they’re labeled as a choking hazard for kids under three! I dunno know what happened to the last pack of 36 I gave her. I guess she swallowed all of the beads from those! Sniffles Kate went back outside in her diaper and pajama top. I hate wearing pants too so I wore my hot dog jeans which is the next best thing to no pants! I showed Pantsless Kate how to paint with water since we banned sidewalk chalk after she colored our walls blue. Let’s paint our ABCs!
A a a airplane in the sky B b b bee spray that doesn’t work C c c code for the fat poors
What a full day of shilling (products),
Schylling (tea cups) and spilling (tea)!
Tuesday Dimmy: Guys my period is five days late but I’m not pregnant! Has this ever happened to you? Yes or not yet!
Dimmy: Hellloooo I’m back. Like, a lot of people are saying just wait a few more days and take another pregnancy test then.
NO SHIT KIMMY. Dimmy: So anyway even though I’m super sick I went to Mindy McKnight’s bath and body launch to spread my germs because it was at a hamam and you all know from my time in Morocco, I love a good hamam! Mindy and I took a photo with our mouths hanging open and faces pressed together so….. hope one of your new bath products is an immune booster, Mindy! Good luck not getting sick!
Meanwhile Scooter Kate had fun skiing for donuts in her clogs, riding her scooter and learning to catch a football.
Wednesday Kimmy took the day off stories without explanation and was nowhere to be found. Could she be feeling poorly? “Working?” Taking multiple pregnancy tests? Shopping for more ripped-knee jeans?
The disheveled moppet and her tax-challenged handler surfaced on stories at Turtle Creek Lane. Smartie Kate had gone over there to teach McKenna Kate how to spell, and correct the errors on her summer bucket list. As a reward for tutoring MK, the fridge troll gave Stevie Clog an ice cream cone, but the sugar police caught her red-handed. Not to be bullied for her sweet treat, Stevie Kate tightened her grip on the cone and licked away defiantly as Minnie scolded her. As punishment, Jen made her cut up a huge plate full of raw veggies and eat them. Then Stevie Swan visited Swannie Kate and taught Jen how to read, and finished her afternoon at TCL by taking a nap with one of her favorites, Uncle Sam.
Thursday Dimmy: CAN YOU SAY GOOD MORNING?
Chef Kate: Good morning mommy here’s your breakfast: two pieces of bacon and a pancake served with a side of my snot syrup. Zero calorie play food, since we all know you never eat any real breakfast! You intermittent fast for 1100 hours and then break your fast with HLTH code powder and whipped cream!
Dummy is crowdsourcing Twitter and Instagram for suggestions on how to get SK to stop whining as the Contentot was put in timeout twice today.
Dimmy told everyone that taking your toddler to Costco is a fun idea because they can destroy everything in the store instead of your house. She and Jen piled Shopping Cart Kate high with Memorial Day weekend groceries for their upcoming trip to the lake house. Costco Kate was not amused by the Tide on her toes and snot on her nose.
Dimmy shilled CVS ExtraBucks and then it was time for Cartwheel Kate to hit the gym and In-N-Out. Stevie Kate and Dummy enjoyed burgers with buns and Dimmy got to lick the wrappers. Unclear if she has anything else, as she placed a movie recommendation box strategically over the spot where her dinner should be.
Friday Dummy said he’s already listened to two parenting books at 4X speed and has detailed the perfect six step plan on how to get Stevie Kate to stop whining, which involves gossiping in front of her and some other weird shit. Now if only he could find the perfect six step plan on how to stop being an asshole.
Shoeless Kate managed not to lose any toes racing around in her little car, feet flying across the pavement. She pretended her baby doll was Shilly Lilly and followed Tiffany’s safety guidelines for how to treat a newborn, although everyone agreed she was gentler with her doll than Tiffany is with Chilly, as the doll was properly dressed and only flew out of the car and hit the pavement once.
Then it was time to hit the road for Memorial Day weekend at Possum Kingdom. The Dummies packed up their car by grabbing armfuls of all the junk in their house and shoving it into their car, filling up every square inch to the top. Despite not being able to see out the car windows, Dummy drove the overstuffed hail-dented junk mobile to the lake house without getting in an accident. On the way Dimmy gave us an update on Period Watch 2023 as if any of us care. She’s now eight days late and still churning out negative pregnancy tests.
The Dummies were the first of the Turtles to arrive at the lake house. The fridge troll collapsed on the new Love Sac sofa with his shoes on for a nap while Feral Kate was ready to go out on the boat but alas the Senior Turtles weren’t due to arrive until the next day.
Saturday Goooood moooorning… Hiiiiiii trilled the shrill one, in her screechiest greeting of the week as she located her troll of a husband and diaper-clad tot in The Ranch at Possum Kingdom’s neighborhood pool. She changed the Contentot into a swim diaper but didn’t bother dressing her in a swimsuit. After SK’s Elsa and Anna dolls lemming-jumped to their deaths off the waterfall feature with an assist from Dummy, it was time to tour the $5 million lake house the Senior Turtles just purchased to add to their growing portfolio of properties, which will soon fill up an entire Monopoly board. Entitled Kate, finally clothed in a swim cover-up, was bored with the new home tour (another day, another mansion, am I right?) so the troll played hide and seek with her throughout the cavernous rooms. Then Dimmy bribed Stevie Carb with white bread if she’d pretend to love her new cousin and gaze at her sweetly, which worked like a charm. The Contentot gleefully held slices of white bread in each grubby paw on the expensive brand new white Lovesac sofa and crouched next to Shilly. Then Stevie Kate went out on the boat and had a grand time since she got fed more bread there and didn’t even have to waterski for content and donuts. Channeling her inner Geico commercial piggy, she gleefully cried weeeeeeeeee the whole way home.
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2023.05.12 13:31 readingrachelx Housewife highlights/Daily shit talk - May 12th, 2023
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