Moms seducing

Why is suicide not a option for me?

2024.05.17 00:21 Kind2tie_7185 Why is suicide not a option for me?

Don't get me wrong. I'm truly curious, and this question I've been carrying for over a year.
Im a 30 m
Objectively I have lived a terrible odds stacked against me from the start. I was born to a father that took my mother faraway to a farm and isolated us he was quite the abuser with my self going Tru all 5 different tipes my siblings 4 and the youngest only 2 I was the only one that was s## abused. From as Yong as I can remember I plead my mother to leve. Turned in to a super Cristian thus a wife's purpose is to be subject to her husband. Evan though she also went true all 5 she was even r## infront of me.
I mentioned we grew up on a farm in isolated he would work construction jobs all over Africa so most of the time we would be left alone. Work 4 months home 6 weeks the first day that he is back he cums with takeaways and cool drinks and it's a celebration it would normally only be calm for 2-3 days when he would get angry normally before we were to go buy groceries. Witch ment we will have to put that car together and fix it that's normally tha first day that I would blead if it's not from a tool it's because I woed gow far into the field to hide then it would be his lether belt my but would be blue And red brushe sometimes my skin woed split open and blend every time I moved.
The first time I saw a classroom or a teacher was at the age of 13 we got a tv for the first time at the age of 12 so obviously I had no sosial skills it was just a few days a group of bullies introduced me so that was not fun until a few months later when the hieschool librarian looked over our class.
My mom dit taught me to read and math and science (only biblical accurate) so I started reading at 4 at 5 I was at the level of gr3 had to develop my own horrible handwriting. I was good at math though my mom only knew +×÷- and fractions to the second point
The library was my heavin in 3 years personally I graduated done with every book in the library besides most of the story books The problem was I couldn't really speak English I only got exposed to it from the TV so I was on my way to fail Gr6 I didn't during the last term my dad left for work again but this time it was longer we ran out of food and my mom finally ran away with her 5 kids pregnant and starving all the food we had fit into a shoe box and ther was space for my brothers favorite little teddy 🧸 about the size of a tennis ball
We moved to the city we're I found out my mom has siblings thy help us with some basic it was crazy there I could not even cross the streets thy were 3 lanes mutch to wide for a teen cross with out getting run over starting high school I decided I would be the opposite of my history so on the first day I broke the head boy a rather big rugby player nose. That showd them I was never bullied and yet still not cool so I joined the skateboarders I was terrible but they had issues and I'm nothing but broken metal head started smoking never touched weed that's drugs glue as well it makes youcrazy. Though sometimes we would snort white power at the mall. Only after a few months in class I found out there are more tips of drugs. To late now I'm a cat addicted our group grew and we became the popular group we were 40 in the core group if we threw a party 200 people show up I mean some college students started hanging with them college girls hang with me at 17 so obviously the heiskool girls thru them at me nonstop sleeping with 2-3 a night never not wrapped always save. Until I slept with one I actually cared for but not as much as she for me so to get here to disappear I seduced her sister on her bed so she could walk in on that. 3 day later she was found dead in the bath with a letter to her parents on their bed and a long letter for me in her sister underwear full of her blood for me.
My next relationship was my fiance Finally quit drugs 3 years later Completely thought ow yeah remember that I was so smart well turns out I failed gr 9 almost twice shortly before the second time time my mother lost her job I was still partying her savings didn't last we got evicted ran out of food so I quit school and started buying thing from drug dealers and sell them it wasn't long before I afforded a bigger house some time later I moved out paying 2 rents going crazy the drugs were not fun any more my friends are dieing on after the other some go to prison I fought my best friend. I saw what was happening because of the drugs I walk 70 km that weekend faar into the field to escape only with my knife. Not the plan but I lived there for 3 weeks alone my phone is still there somware I came back sober no friends
I didn't fin school so it's only min wage for 3 years trying multiple business all fail until I lost my job again. One day I dit a car port for a lady little did I know that in justover 7 years 2 months before covid i will loos. A my greatest business in going to 8 figure this time 100% legal in one writing of a pen and waist all my saving on loyars to get it back lost my fiance and only child
Went into depression
tryed and failed 3 more business Good diagnose with add and adhd Over came depression Diagnosis with ptsd Found out my 5 year old son is not evan myn Depression again Gave up trying at all tried drugs again for 2 months give up on that two
Move back to the farm where it all started farm is falling It's sort off failng less
Depressioni quit low
And finally today im bulding my own shop with bricks i made my self everything wants to fail this sometimes its so close.
And yeah true all of that's I can honestly say I never had suicide Evan as a though to be a option
Seriously why would I not just end me but I just don't have that option ever
submitted by Kind2tie_7185 to self [link] [comments]


2024.05.16 23:45 SJ_Tango AITA for sending his wife everything while he harasses and stalks me?

There’s this guy, we’ll call Jay, I knew for a good year, through local military and political channels online. He was angry and a bit grouchy, but I agreed with his takes on most things.
I moved to a different state for work, but had a lot of connections at the old place, so checked in on the pages and groups I was part of, here and there. April saw a friend request from Jay and I accepted.
In July, after a blow up online that I questioned, Jay confided that his wife had been cheating on him and he found out the night before his retirement ceremony that January. He’d been trying to get past it for the sake of the kids, and of course the finances and societal and family views. He’s from a pretty strict family that doesn’t condone divorce. A cousin of his divorced her husband and the family shuns her to this day. Jay was going on 30 years married and it pretty much upended everything.
When he started talking about little things that meant a lot to her that he would refuse, like taking couples pictures, posting together online, etc, I flat out told him that if he was committed to getting past it, he was going to have to try. I referred him to counseling services, for himself and as a couple.
In Aug, I went back to see my kids, and we saw eachother in person for the first time. Talked for a bit and went on our way. The next morning was the first red flag my blind eyes saw… a post from him on his page about the most exquisite sunset he’s ever seen. I have red hair. I blocked him on everything. May have been harsh, but I had enough drama in my own life already at that point, going through a divorce myself.
He used linked in and his son’s Xbox account to message me in what used to be Google hangout. He was supposedly devastated I’d do that after meeting him. If I was disappointed in what I met, I could’ve just said so. Etc. I explained my issue. He seemed genuinely embarrassed, apologized. He had me thinking I overreacted and it didn’t mean that much. He pleaded to just be friends.
A couple of weeks later, they took a family trip and he posted a picture of the two of them and of the entire family. He did his thing, I did mine. It was just as before again. No harm really done.
Fast forward a couple months and he was getting angry and blowing up online again. I asked him if he’d been to counseling and he said yes, but his marriage was over. He couldn’t do it. He could barely look at her, let alone touch her, for her betrayal. He had questions and she would shut him down. He showed me some of the graphic messages between her and the guy. They talked about him in them. It was bad. He started going on how the only thing he needed was for her to be a mom and she was slipping there too. She stopped cooking and taking care of their kid.
About a week after this, he butt dialed through Facebook… I could tell it was in his pocket or something. He was getting out of the car, then headed inside. All I heard from that point on was her screaming at him. He very calmly told his kids to head to the bedroom. Shortly after, something smashed loudly. It all went down in just a couple of minutes. I hung up. I never brought it up.
Not long after, he told me he loved me and he couldn’t do this anymore. He couldn’t stand the thought of finding me and letting me slip through his fingers. To which I replied… I wasn’t the solution to his problems. He needed to fix his shit before dragging anyone else into it. It wasn’t fair to me. He agreed. He claimed to start looking for apartments and going to see a lawyer. He’d “married for the wrong reasons and she married the wrong guy. He never romantically loved her and she viewed him as security.” I really did care about him, but I couldn’t do that. I won’t lie, the temptation was there.
After he told her they needed to get the finances together to fill out the paperwork and discuss the one kid’s situation with it all, she first threatened to hurt herself, then she decided to offer an open marriage. She “wanted the security of the lifestyle he provided and didn’t want to be judged by their friends and family, esp the kids.” He sent me the message. I responded again with I couldn’t do that. I was surprise, but not surprised he was considering it. He didn’t want the blow out either. On the surface, I’m guessing it looked like a great way to move forward. So he continued with the separating. We talked a lot.
Then he realized the other reason she had… she had a new guy she was emotionally cheating with already, making plans to meet up. The drama was past too much a while ago. But now, it got worse. He decided to encourage it. Yep. He wanted her to go off with the guy, so he could justify the divorce without it falling on him. A couple of weeks later, he went on a business trip and she went to see the guy. He came back and saw all of the proof, she admitted it, and she emptied their savings account into one he wasn’t on.
Time for me to exit. I had fallen for him. It was only a few weeks, but hook, line, and sinker.
Again, he found me and begged for me to just talk. He just needed someone to talk to. He wouldn’t do or say anything else about us. That didn’t last. Covid basically halted anything court related that wasn’t a criminal offense endangering lives. I bent and gave in.
By November, she wasn’t with the guy anymore. And she’d decided to actually look me up… she was livid. She was now upset that if he moved on with me, it would make her look even worse (her phrasing). She sent me a message to that affect and told me to leave him alone. I sent it to him and they had a blow up.
I was pretty broken up, but I just couldn’t do it anymore. I told him to go on with his life or don’t, but I wasn’t going to sit by and watch the miserable insanity, let alone be part of it. She had threatened his relationship with the kids, that she would tell them he was the cause. That was a threat he wasn’t going to risk, I knew it.
I moved forward with my life. He tried to message here and there and it always ended up in a fight. He started getting mean, verbally abusive, then messages of love and he didn’t want to live without me. It was crazy making. I found out later, they’d gone on an island get away, supposedly to show everyone how great they were, working on their marriage… only he was messaging me how he cried when he was alone and how movies and music reminded him that he will be “empty” stuck with her until the youngest is out of the house in a few years.
I started seeing someone. And I was happy. Really happy. I was in the best shape of my life, going out with friends, having a great time. He would not stop messaging me. Every time he did, my life got sad again. He’d keep going until he got a reaction. And there was always a reaction. I hated myself for that. I felt absolutely crazy.
The end of July had him saying he couldn’t fake it, he missed me in his life, and he would do anything. I told him I was seeing someone. He lost it. He sent me a screenshot of her blowing up at him after seeing the phone statement with his texting and calling me…to prove he meant it and didn’t care of she was upset anymore.
A week later, I was hospitalized with Covid, initially in the ICU. It was bad. He started sending messages, texts, emails, and leaving voicemails, one after the other. Going from loving me more than anyone to me being a horrible narcissist who just needed him to make me feel good about myself. He was totally unhinged. I started blocking him everywhere, and he made up phone numbers and profiles to continue. He found out which hospital and sent presents to my room. I had to tell the nursing staff to stop any more.
The most abusive rant he sent accused me of faking being raped. This one he included her on… That was the last thread.
He almost immediately sent another barrage of messages about loving me and how empty he felt with her, that he had no feelings at all and couldn’t live like that. He needed me, loved me, and would do anything and everything to make it all up to me.
From my hospital bed, I started gathering everything. Now that I had her email and phone number, it was easy. I just sent her everything. Everything. Every message he tried to send thereafter, I forwarded to her. Every text, every message request, every picture, every song, every video… I sent them to her.
After I was finally released, I was still very ill. The recovery took months. I mailed back the “gifts” and continued to send her anything he sent me. And he just continued to do it. He would blow up at me for attacking and abusing her…lol. But continue to try to contact me.
The voicemail from him identifying himself, stating he was “addicted to me” and “can’t stop” was probably the scariest. Sent from a fake phone number to get around my block, begging me to block him on social media where he’d blocked, but keeps making up profiles to get around the blocks.
I started getting back outside after a few weeks. I have lung and heart damage, so it was slow going. One day, he literally just showed up where I was. I was actually scared to a point at that one. He’d been stalking me all over online, harassing me to no end, now this. He blocked me in. He said he just wanted to talk. I said I listen. He begged and pleaded to be with him. He was moving out officially. Then… his wife drove by. Yep, she was tracking him. Some ppl showed up and he moved. I left as she was pulling in.
I went to the police, who did nothing because he didn’t actually hurt me.
He then sent messages to the guy I was seeing after finding out somehow who it was… telling HIM how much he loved me and how he’d have married me already if it weren’t for his youngest still at home and what this would do to him.
Two more times he showed up in two other places… I ended up changing jobs, moving out of state, changing my contact info, getting rid of any app I couldn’t lock down completely, and using a P.O. Box. He STILL found ways to contact me. He started friending my friends online. Anyone he saw mention me in any conversation, he tried to friend.
I continued sending everything to his wife. Every communication. Every “like”. Every friend saying he was trying to connect with them. The messages he sent the guy I was seeing… all of it. If I’m being harassed, she’s going to get it all too. I was sick of it. And scared her was going to continue getting worse. I guess there was a part of me that thought he’d give up if she went off on him enough. Delusional.
The new state’s DA sent him an official cease and desist order. It is just shy of a protective order, which I didn’t qualify for because he didn’t hurt me or specifically threaten to. I now know why so many women die each year.
It’s been two years… He still tries to reach out. Now, he’s just started spreading rumors about me to anyone who’ll listen. They get back to me every time. It’s really crazy the way he thinks. He’s telling everyone his personal business, while trying to make it look like I seduced him to a point he had no control of himself. It’s wild. I have over 100 emails, texts, and messages that I never replied to. And those are just the ones I’ve seen. Mind you, these ppl have seen the stalking themselves.
Am I the a-hole or just wasting my time? It’s been nearly five years, over two of them with me in no contract with him. She does blow up at him every time I send more stuff, she hasn’t blocked me, but it isn’t stopping him… reporting with the police didn’t either though.
submitted by SJ_Tango to CharlotteDobreYouTube [link] [comments]


2024.05.16 11:56 miss_seductress_ My died father left all his wealth to me. Days after we got this information I found my step mom Kylie Jenner in my room ready to seduce and dominate me.

My died father left all his wealth to me. Days after we got this information I found my step mom Kylie Jenner in my room ready to seduce and dominate me. submitted by miss_seductress_ to Celebrity_Fantasies2 [link] [comments]


2024.05.16 11:37 veryspcguy2017 Movie similar to The Hand That Rocks The Cradle

Woman comes into household and seduces the husband, wife and teenage son. Gets the wife on pills. Ends with them thinking its all over and she's gone. However, teenage son is calling the mom to say he's off to college, but he's actually in bed at a hotel with the woman.
submitted by veryspcguy2017 to whatisthatmovie [link] [comments]


2024.05.15 21:50 oreo_lester Inappropriate relationship with my (F18) tutor (M37)

So I have a tutor who comes to my house to teach me, every day. He’s been teaching me for a little under a year I guess. He always struck me as very boring but since my exams started recently we have had to study very long hours and sometimes late into the night, the other day he stayed till 3am. He’s married. And he has 2 daughters. One is 13. I’m 18.
He got very personal with me. We have deep conversations. We talked about our personal lives, etc. we got extremely close these last few weeks. I’ll be honest I developed a crush on him, but I knew to never let him find out because he would never feel that way and he’s my teacher. When he left one day after class he texted me. Something along the lines of I’m sorry if I was out of line or too personal. Like he was very clearly aware that a student teacher relationship this close is ‘unethical’. But we started calling a lot. We called every time he drove from my house to his. And his wife went out of town the other day so we called for a few hours late into the night, and till 7am.
Our classes honestly haven’t been that productive anymore. We just chat and talk. When we are in person it’s very innocent, we don’t discuss anything inappropriate. just personal things. And it’s become a pattern that whenever he leaves we start texting and it gets a little inappropriate. He recently asked me if I would like him if he was unmarried, or younger. Mind you, he is 19 years older than me. (37) I tried to bring up his wife and stuff but that didn’t seem to affect him. He asked me if I want him to stop acting like this. I said I like him too in a way that goes beyond a student and teacher relationship but I don’t want anything to happen thst will jeopardize the relationship and he said he doesn’t intend on getting physical either. At first he said he knows it could come off as manipulation because he’s the authoritative figure and I am young and naive. But I assured him I know what I am doing and any decision made would be my own and I wouldn’t call it manipulation because I am fully aware of the situation and power dynamics. To be frank, I like the thrill of it. I know this makes me a terrible person, he is married for god’s sake. But I feel so good around him I can’t help but to entertain all his advances, even if they are just on text. He said he knows this isn’t respectable but he likes me and he wants to talk to me. He knows it’s not right, and we’ve talked about it and maintaining ‘boundaries’. He says he doesn’t want me to get hurt. because we both know it will never materialize or be anything in the end. Today after class when he went home he told me I looked beautiful. Said he wants to kiss me and make me sit on his lap. I joked and said he’s too shy so he’d never initiate that.
I’m so confused man. I never looked at him like that but recently I think I might be enjoying it too much and he says he’s scared he might feel too much as well. I still have to study with him for a whole year before my subject is finished. I don’t want to ruin this relationship. I liked the flirty thing we had going on but now it feels too real and there are others involved, ie his wife and kids. And although they will never find out because he is so secretive about this whole thing, I know it’s morally very fucked up and says a lot about his character to be cheating like this. Yet I still can’t resist him. I don’t need replies telling me I am a home wrecker or a sl*t. I know I’m in the wrong as well here. That’s why I’m coming here for advice. How do I navigate this? I know I’m too deep into this, I can’t ignore it like I ignored it before. Because we both know about ‘our little secret’.
Today I tried to talk to him about it in person too. We felt very sneaky, whenever my mom came we pretended to study. I told him he’s very different in person than on text. And that he’s more hesitant irl. I played with my cat in front of him and kind of cuddled and kissed it. He dropped some comments like he wished he was as lucky as the cat. He said we’ll call when he gets home. Oh and on call he is also very different. He’s much more relaxed, much more affectionate with me. He talks about how pretty my hands are and how he wishes he could hold them. I said we’re friends but he says friends don’t feel this way about each other. If you’re confused about a friend, it’s bordering on romantic feelings. I couldn’t deny that.
I don’t want to do anything I regret. I don’t want a physical relationship, he knows that. I just want to take our classes. And I want his company. I wanted to keep my crush lowkey but ever since he confessed his own liking towards me, he knows I felt the same.
I know a lot of you are gonna come here and tell me this IS a form of manipulation, even though I’m legal. Like he’s grooming me or something. But the truth is I liked him long before he was giving me this attention. I feel like I am the one who seduced him, in a way?? Idk. I was always too open with him. I got too vulnerable and I allowed him to be vulnerable as well. I allowed these feelings to occur between us. Even though I tried to hide my own, I didn’t do a good job. I acted in certain ways around him, and actively did things to look attractive, always trying to impress him. I tried to ‘manifest’ it and shit. I’m such a loser. And ultimately I got what I was asking for. I wished for this for so long, but never did I imagine it would actually happen. Now I am confused. Because I’m facing a moral dilemma. If he wasn’t married I would not even have a second thought about this. I don’t care about the age gap. But this doesn’t sit right with me. I don’t know why I didn’t think about this earlier
submitted by oreo_lester to offmychest [link] [comments]


2024.05.15 00:11 Worry-To-The-Max10 AITAH for warning my aunt's husband about his harassment toward my mother

My mom (widowed) is very close with her sister and she would take her sister's side over me anytime. One day she visisted her sick sister who could not walk, her husband approached my mother from behind, hugged, and kissed her on the cheek. The wife, of course, was not aware when it happened. My mom freaked out, yelled at him, and took off home. She got so scared and upset but asked me not to cause a big scene nor let her sister know because she was afraid that it would ruin her sister's marriage as well as retaliation against her. She would do anything for her sister basically. I got so upset and sent a text to confront him and warn him of legal action without my mom's knowledge. Apparently, he went to his wife and said something totally different from the story. My mom's sister is now mad at me and my mom for threatening to sue him. Now that the he said she said happened and the wife would not believe my mom. She even thought my mom was trying to seduce him. I feel so stupid. I should have gone straight to the wife and confront both of them instead of trying to hide it from the wife so that wouldn't hurt her. My mom is now so sad for losing her sister and mad at my for ruining their relationship. AITAH?
submitted by Worry-To-The-Max10 to AITAH [link] [comments]


2024.05.14 23:33 Due-Midnight-631 Days of our Rimworld Lives ~a small collection of random fun-ish events in the eternal Rimworld saga~

Just some situations that have made me facepalm, lol, and/or shake my head- from my last few days of playtime. Feel free to share your own favorite moments in the comments.
All I got for now, although I'm sure there will be more eventually. \o/
submitted by Due-Midnight-631 to RimWorld [link] [comments]


2024.05.14 22:35 yvrstrvly3 My MIL needs boundaries

I have been with my partner for almost 10 years. We don't live together yet. I sleep over during the weekends at his house and it irritates me how his mom stays cleaning his room like his a child. Mind you he is pushing 30. She does his laundry and the clothes I have from mine in the closet she pushes them in the back. I told my partner how she needs boundaries. I dont feel confortable of being intimate or even having my personal stuff in his room knowing she comes in and searches the whole room. He tells me that in their culture is disrespectful to tell parents to have boundaries. We go out during the night and its past 11 she starts calling him. Her husband is never home and leaves for literally the whole month for "work" and I feel she is jealous of my relationship with her son cause shes unhappy. When shes cleaning she literally bends down and does not wear a braw in front of my boyfriend. I know this is not normal for a mother to do I feel like she seduces him. She leaves her clothes and bras in the bathroom.The fact she got a BBL to look young. She always used to tell me that her son looks exactly like his dad when he was young. Im like okay? cool. I just think how its odd how she does eveything for my boyfriend knowing she has another son and she dont do half the stuff to him. His family is soon moving to another state and she told us that we are coming with them, my partner said No we are not. She was all like "your my son i cant leave having you far away from me." I tell my boyfriend his mother is enmesh and is not healthy. I honestly feel she thinks shes my partners wife.I honestly can't stand her and i wish she leaves me and my partner live our life's as we want.
submitted by yvrstrvly3 to JUSTNOMIL [link] [comments]


2024.05.14 11:41 Khorya anyway to fix "about to reach active refr handle count close to limit" without mod removal?

I'm getting this warning: Your active refr handle count is currently 802150 which is dangerously close to the limit. Please check the Engine Fixes log for more details.
My mod list:
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"0066","Creation Club: ccbgssse010-petdwarvenarmoredmudcrab"
"0067","Creation Club: ccbgssse008-wraithguard"
"0068","Creation Club: ccbgssse007-chrysamere"
"0069","Creation Club: ccbgssse006-stendarshammer"
"0070","Creation Club: ccbgssse005-goldbrand"
"0071","Creation Club: ccbgssse004-ruinsedge"
"0072","Creation Club: ccbgssse003-zombies"
"0073","Creation Club: ccbgssse002-exoticarrows"
"0074","Creation Club: ccBGSSSE001-Fish"
"0075","Creation Club: ccasvsse001-almsivi"
"0076","Creation Club: ccafdsse001-dwesanctuary"
"0077","Interesting NPCs SE (3DNPC)"
"0078","AI Overhaul SSE"
"0079","Address Library for SKSE Plugins"
"0080","UIExtensions"
"0081","SkyUI"
"0082","SSE Engine Fixes (skse64 plugin)"
"0083","The Ultimate Dodge Mod Attack Cancel"
"0084","The Ultimate Dodge Mod"
"0085","(DMC) The Ultimate Dodge Mod Reanimated - TUDMR"
"0086","Unofficial Skyrim Special Edition Patch"
"0087","Project New Reign - Nemesis Unlimited Behavior Engine"
"0088","Open Animation Replacer"
"0089","Open Animation Replacer - IED Conditions"
"0090","dTry"
"0091","Animation Motion Revolution"
"0092","Dynamic Dodge Animation"
"0093","The Ultimate Dodge Mod - Script Fixes"
"0094","Dynamic Activation Key"
"0095","Caliente's Beautiful Bodies Enhancer -CBBE-"
"0096","CBPC - Physics with Collisions"
"0097","CBBE 3BA"
"0098","The New Gentleman"
"0099","Snake Argonian Texture"
"0100","Backported Extended ESL Support"
"0101","Masculine Khajiit Textures (Grey Cat and Leopard) [Better Males]"
"0102","RaceMenu"
"0103","mouth fix khajiit"
"0104","Underwear.dll"
"0105","Bestial Beast Races SE - Muscular Body Morphs and Height Scaling for Argonians and Khajiit"
"0106","The Coffee House"
"0107","Feminine Khajiit Textures (Grey Cat and Leopard) [CBBE]"
"0108","XP32 Maximum Skeleton Special Extended"
"0109","Faster HDT-SMP"
"0110","SMP-NPC crash fix"
"0111","HDT SMP beast race tail"
"0112","PapyrusUtil SE - Modders Scripting Utility Functions"
"0113","powerofthree's Papyrus Extender"
"0114","Dylbills Papyrus Functions"
"0115","Papyrus Ini Manipulator"
"0116","Attack MCO-DXP"
"0117","Payload Interpreter"
"0118","MCO Universal Support"
"0119","Separate Power Attacks"
"0120","Simple Dual Sheath"
"0121","Immersive Equipment Displays"
"0122","Weapon Styles - DrawSheathe Animations for IED"
"0123","BodySlide and Outfit Studio"
"0124","Leviathan Animations II - Greatsword MCO Moveset"
"0125","Leviathan Animations II - Greatsword Low Stance"
"0126","Leviathan Animations II - Female Idle Walk And Run"
"0127","Goetia Animations - Magic Spell Casting"
"0128","Goetia Animations - Sneak Magic"
"0129","Goetia Animations - Enchanted Staves"
"0130","Goetia Animations - Conditional Shouts"
"0131","Conditional Armor Type Animations"
"0132","First Person Animation Teleport Bug Fix"
"0133","Paired Animation Improvements"
"0134","Animation Queue Fix"
"0135","No Spinning Death Animation SE"
"0136","Lively Children Animations (OAR)"
"0137","Expressive Facial Animation -Female Edition-"
"0138","Vanargand Animations II - Unarmed Non Combat Locomotion"
"0139","Vanargand Animations II - Unarmed MCO Moveset"
"0140","Vanargand Animations - Sword Dual Wield Moveset MCO - SkySA"
"0141","Vanargand Animations - Sneak idle walk and run"
"0142","Vanargand Animations II - Unarmed Normal And Power Attacks"
"0143","Vanargand Animations - Sneak Thrust Attacks"
"0144","Animation Event Logger"
"0145","Vanargand Animations - Sneak Strike Attacks"
"0146","Vanargand Animations - Sneak Archery"
"0147","Vanargand Animations - One Handed Power Attacks"
"0148","Leviathan Animations II - Greatsword Non Combat Locomotion"
"0149","Leviathan Animations II - Greatsword Normal Attacks"
"0150","Leviathan Animations II - Greatsword Sneak Locomotion And Attacks"
"0151","Leviathan Animations II - Male Idle Walk And Run"
"0152","Leviathan Animations II - Greatsword Power And Sprint Attacks"
"0153","Leviathan Animations II - Sprint"
"0154","Vanargand Animations - Crossbows"
"0155","Vanargand Animations - Archery"
"0156","Vanargand Animations - Dual Wield Normal and Power Attacks"
"0157","Vanargand Animations - Dual Wield Sneak Strikes"
"0158","Vanargand Animations - One Handed Normal Attacks"
"0159","Vanargand Animations - One Handed Mid Stance"
"0160","Vanargand Animations - Mace Moveset MCO - SkySA"
"0161","Vanargand Animations - Dual Wield Sneak Thrusts"
"0162","Strike Obstruction Systems - Combat Blocking Overhaul"
"0163","Shield Of Stamina - Blocking Redux"
"0164","dTry Plugin Updates"
"0165","True Directional Movement - Modernized Third Person Gameplay"
"0166","TrueHUD - HUD Additions"
"0167","True Directional Movement - Tail Animation Fix"
"0168","Jaxonz Positioner Converted"
"0169","Jaxonz MCM Kicker SE"
"0170","MCM Helper"
"0171","S.M.C. - SKYRIM MOTION CONTROL"
"0172","S.M.C. - SKYRIM MOTION CONTROL - MCM"
"0173","Better Jumping SE"
"0174","Skyrim's Paraglider"
"0175","Skyrim's Paraglider Anniversary Edition Update"
"0176","Precision"
"0177","Nemesis Creatures BEHAVIOUR compatibility"
"0178","Nemesis Creature Behaivour - WereWolf Addon"
"0179","Precision Creatures"
"0180","SSE Display Tweaks"
"0181","Better Third Person Selection - BTPS"
"0182","SCAR - Skyrim Combos AI Revolution"
"0183","SCAR AE Support"
"0184","IFrame Generator RE AE Support"
"0185","Behavior Data Injector"
"0186","Behavior Data Injector Universal Support"
"0187","powerofthree's Tweaks"
"0188","Spell Perk Item Distributor"
"0189","Improved Camera SE"
"0190","Immersive Interactions - Animated Actions"
"0191","Crash Logger SSE AE VR - PDB support"
"0192","ConsoleUtilSSE"
"0193","JContainers SE"
"0194","FSMPM - The FSMP MCM"
"0195","CBPC Equipment Physics"
"0196","Your mom (and dad)"
"0197","Achievements Mods Enabler"
"0198","Realistic Water Two SE"
"0199","Water in Wells - mesh-only animated wells"
"0200","Skyrim Caches"
"0201","Moonlight Tales Mini - Highly Compatible Werewolf and Werebear Addon"
"0202","Growl - Werebeasts of Skyrim"
"0203","Underwear for BHUNP and HIMBO for Underwear.dll"
"0204","Fuz Ro D-oh - Silent Voice"
"0205","Sound Record Distributor"
"0206","Storm Lightning for SSE and VR (Minty Lightning 2019)"
"0207","Thunder Sounds - WiZkiD Mix -"
"0208","Enhanced Blood Textures"
"0209","Audio Overhaul for Skyrim (4.1.2)"
"0210","A Tribute to the Kaua'i 'o'o- Immersive Easter Eggs (SE-AE version)"
"0211","NPC Dialogue Audio Enhancer"
"0212","Skyrim Extended Cut - Saints and Seducers"
"0213","Acoustic Space Improvement Fixes"
"0214","Reverb Interior Sounds Expansion"
"0215","Regional Sounds Expansion (SRD - Wilds Dungeons Towns Ambience Birds - Fixes)"
"0216","Precision Trail Replacer - Simple"
"0217","SkyHUD"
"0218","QuickLoot EE"
"0219","ConsolePlusPlus"
"0220","Wynter's Breezehome"
"0221","moreHUD Inventory Edition"
"0222","moreHUD SE"
"0223","More Informative Console"
"0224","SkyTEST - Realistic Animals and Predators SE"
"0225","More Immersive Activations (SkyRem Activations)"
"0226","EVG Animated Traversal"
"0227","Dungeons - Revisited"
"0228","SkyClimb"
"0229","Simpler Knock"
"0230","Take a Peek - New Stealth Mechanic"
"0231","Interactive Wash Basins"
"0232","The Final Cataclysm - 2020"
"0233","EVG Animated Traversal - Patch Collection"
"0234","Purchaseable Store-Display-Items"
"0235","Convenient Dialogue UI - SE"
"0236","Take a Peek - New Stealth Mechanic - Settings Loader"
"0237","A Matter of Time - A HUD clock widget"
"0238","A Matter of Time - A HUD clock widget - Settings Loader"
"0239","Static Mesh Improvement Mod"
"0240","Static Mesh improvement Mod - SMIM - Quality Addon"
"0241","Stones of Barenziah Quest Markers"
"0242","Take a Nap - Sleep on Chairs"
"0243","Horns Are Forever (Persistent Argonian Horns)"
"0244","Improved closefaced helmets"
"0245","Improved Closedfaced Helmets Patches"
"0246","Convenient Horses"
"0247","Take a Seat - New Sitting Animations for OAR or DAR"
"0248","Better Wedding Guests"
"0249","Falskaar"
"0250","Falskaar - Addons and Patches - Fast Travel fix"
"0251","Falskaar - Addons and Patches"
"0252","Moonpath to Elsweyr SSE"
"0253","Comprehensive Falskaar Fixes"
"0254","Beyond Skyrim - Assets"
"0255","Beyond Skyrim - Bruma"
"0256","Beyond Skyrim - Bruma inegration patch"
"0257","Fat Skyrim - A worldspace expansion - Standalone"
"0258","Darkend"
"0259","Beyond Reach"
"0260","Fluffworks (Fluffy Animals)"
"0263","Static Mesh Improvement Mod Improvement Mod"
"0265","Simple Wearable Lanterns"
"0266","The Scarlett - A Buildable Ship (SE)"
"0267","Wolf Follower - Dynamic pet including Hunger and Growth system - SE"
"0268","Security Overhaul SKSE - Lock Variations"
"0269","Security Overhaul SKSE - Add-ons"
"0270","Skyrim Immersive Creatures Special Edition"
"0271","Zoro's Katana's"
"0272","Berserk Judeau Armor"
"0273","Equip Enchantment Fix"
"0274","Scrambled Bugs"
"0275","Falling Gildergreen Petals - SE"
"0276","Gildergreen Regrown"
"0277","Keyword Item Distributor"
"0278","MergeMapper"
"0279","Dialogue Movement Enabler"
"0280","Dirt and Blood - Dynamic Visual Effects"
"0281","The Forgotten City"
"0282","Expanded Dragon Bridge"
"0283","Skyrim Borders Disabled - SSE-Edition"
"0284","Helgen Reborn"
"0285","Enhanced Solitude SSE"
"0286","Icy Mesh Remaster"
"0287","Settlements Expanded"
"0288","Stonecrest City Reborn SE"
"0289","Midwood Isle"
"0290","Siege at Icemoth"
"0291","Siege at Icemoth F&S patch"
"0292","Beyond Reach - Tweaks and Enhancements"
"0293","More Bandit Camps SSE"
"0294","Wyrmstooth"
"0295","All Thieves Guild Jobs Concurrently"
"0296","Bandit Economy"
"0297","Bandit Lines Expansion"
"0298","Clockwork (SSE)"
"0299","The Gray Cowl of Nocturnal SE"
"0300","Blackreach Railroad"
"0301","Brhuce Hammar Legacy - Special Edition"
"0302","Aethernautics- A Space Travel Mod"
"0303","The Lost Wonders of Mzark"
"0304","Fyr Manor Special Edition"
"0305","Dwemer Spectres Special Edition"
"0306","Ancient Dwemer Metal - My patches for SMIM Dawnguard Dragonborn by Xtudo"
"0307","The Wheels of Lull - Unwound Edition - Settings Loader"
"0308","The Wheels of Lull SE"
"0309","Moon and Star"
"0310","Catching Clockwork - Wheels of Lull Fishing Addon"
"0311","TrueHUD - Wheels of Lull Patch"
"0312","Khajiit have ears"
"0313","Toymania"
"0314","IA Merged - Vanilla version"
"0315","Garm the Husky Companion"
"0316","Fare Thee Well - Spouses and Children Give Blessings (TAGS - Family)"
"0317","Immersive World Encounters SE"
"0318","BERSERK"
"0319","Berserk - The Black Swordsman"
"0320","Berserker Armor - An Immersive Berserk-inspired Armor"
"0321","ADXP I MCO Berserker guts Animation"
"0322","Dragon Slayer - Berserk"
"0323","BDOR Berserker Conversions"
"0324","Berserker Armor - BDOR Berserk Model"
"0325","[immyneedscake] BDOR Berserk SSE (Cloth SMP)"
"0326","Berserker Armor - SkyTEST Patch"
"0327","Berserker Armor - Immersive World Encounters Patch"
"0328","Berserker Armor - Growl Patch"
"0329","Berserker Armor MAIN FILE"
"0330","Berserker Armor - Update"
"0331","Footprints"
"0332","Footprints - Alternative Design"
"0333","SPID for Footprints"
"0334","Ultimate fix - SPID for Footprints"
"0335","Boethiah for Good Guys"
"0336","Capital Windhelm Expansion"
"0337","Capital Windhelm Expansion ai"
"0338","Capital Windhelm Expansion ussep"
"0339","Capital Windhelm Expansion - Normal"
"0340","Warbird's Whiterun Metropolis"
"0341","WWM - USSEP Patch"
"0342","WWM - DVLaSS Underside Patch"
"0343","Whiterun Battle Brothers"
"0344","WWM - SIC Patch"
"0345","SIC SE - Add-Ons and Patches"
"0346","VIGILANT SEAE"
"0347","VIGILANT Voiced - English Addon"
"0348","TrueHUD - Vigilant Boss Bars ini"
"0349","Attack Dogs - A dog combat overhaul"
"0350","Attack Dogs - Bone Wolf CC Patch"
"0351","Attack Dogs - Skytest - SIC Patch"
"0352","Attack Dogs - Unofficial Skyrim Patch"
"0353","Attack Dogs - Vigilant Patch"
"0354","Attack Dogs - Wolf Follower Patch"
"0355","Attack Dogs - Winterhold Restored Patch"
"0356","Immersive College NPCs"
"0357","Immersive College of Winterhold"
"0358","Actor Limit Fix"
"0359","Better College Application"
"0360","Obscure's College of Winterhold"
"0361","Ultimate College of Winterhold"
"0362","Winterhold Restored"
"0363","Relationship Dialogue Overhaul - RDO SE"
"0364","Relationship Dialogue Overhaul - Update and MCM"
"0365","ES - EVGAT Patch"
"0366","Solitude Docks Updated"
"0367","Expanded Towns and Cities"
"0368","Cities of the North - Falkreath"
"0369","The Great City Of Falkreath SSE Edition"
"0370","Cities of the North - Falkreath Patch Collection"
"0371","Lanterns Of Skyrim II"
"0372","Myrwatch - Editable Home Cells (Cell Bug Workaround)"
"0373","SkyTest Integration"
"0374","Cities of the North - Morthal"
"0375","Interesting NPCs (3DNPC) - Patches"
"0376","Mfg Fix"
"0377","Civil War Aftermath SE"
"0378","The Shire SE"
"0379","Undeath Remastered"
"0380","Carved Brink"
"0381","Skyrim Cut Content Restoration"
"0382","Extended Vanilla Menus"
"0383","Point The Way"
"0384","Jewelry Limiter - Another Multiple Rings and Amulets Mod"
"0385","Equipable Beast Tails - HDT SMP (Physics)"
"0386","BIGGERER Smp Argonian Tails"
"0387","ES AI Overhaul patch"
"0388","Gemling Queen Jewelry SE"
"0389","Folkstead and the Border of Hammerfell"
"0390","Circlet USSEP Fixes"
"0391","Gemling Queen Jewelry SE USSEP Circlet Fix"
"0392","Undeath - Classical Lichdom"
"0393","Undeath - XPMSSE - Strange Runes - Skeleton Patch"
"0394","Pirates Wield Cutlasses"
"0395","AI Overhaul SSE - Official Patch Hub"
"0396","Xelzaz - Custom Fully Voiced Argonian Telvanni Follower"
"0397","Beyond Skyrim - Wares of Tamriel SE"
"0398","Project AHO"
"0399","Project AHO - Skytest Patch (Fix Invisible Mudcrabs) - ESPFE"
"0400","Unofficial Project AHO - Bugfix and Improvement Patch"
"0401","College of Winterhold - Quest Expansion"
"0402","Better Dynamic Snow SE"
"0403","LeanWolf's Better-Shaped Weapons - All in One Installer"
"0404","Civil War Deserters"
"0405","Castle Volkihar Rebuilt - SSE"
"0406","Cloaks of Skyrim SSE"
"0407","Artesian Cloaks of Skyrim"
"0408","FileAccess Interface for Skyrim SE Scripts - FISSES"
"0409","Depths of the Reach"
"0410","Skyrim Underground SSE"
"0411","SkyrimUnderground_Add-On"
"0412","Cities of the North - Dawnstar"
"0413","Save The Dark Brotherhood - Skyrim Special Edition"
"0414","Dark Brotherhood Reborn - Dawnstar Sanctuary SEE"
"0415","House of Horrors - Quest Expansion"
"0416","Nilheim - Misc Quest Expansion"
"0417","The Only Cure - Quest Expansion"
"0418","The Only Cure Quest Expansion - Patches"
"0419","The Whispering Door - Quest Expansion"
"0420","The Heart of Dibella - Quest Expansion"
"0421","The Shire Unofficial Patch"
"0422","Unofficial Carved Brink Patch"
"0423","Go to bed"
"0424","Sleeping Expanded - Animations and NPC reactions"
"0425","Skyrim Sleeping Bags SE - Sleep Under Blankets"
"0426","Skyrim Reputation"
"0427","Skyrim Reputation Improved"
"0428","Skyrim Reputation - Fixed and Patched"
"0429","The Innocence Lost - Quest Expansion"
"0430","Thieves Guild Alternative Endings"
"0431","Destroy the Thieves Guild - Special Edition"
"0432","Skyrim Reputation Patches for Quest Expansions and Alternate Routes"
"0433","Dynamic Activation Key - MCM"
"0434","Dynamic Activation Key - Addons Collection"
"0435","Drengin's Blue Palace Terrace"
"0436","ES Blue Palace Terrace"
"0437","ES LoS II Patch"
"0438","BluePalaceTerrace-AI Overhaul-patch-SE"
"0439","Bruma and Other Patches for Convenient Horses"
"0440","Paarthurnax - Quest Expansion"
"0441","Scion - A Vampire Overhaul"
"0442","Save the Icerunner - Lights Out Alternate Routes"
"0443","Penitus Oculatus"
"0444","About Roggvir"
"0445","Defy the Gardener"
"0446","Serious Civil War Finale Sieges"
"0447","Supreme Fog for Morthal Region"
"0448","Base Object Swapper"
"0449","CC Bow of Shadows Lingering Invisibility Fix"
"0450","Riften Extension - Southwoods District"
"0451","Vanilla hair remake"
"0452","Dark Brotherhood Reborn - Patches Tweaks and Enhancements"
"0453","EVGAT - Dynamic Climb-able Ladder Doors"
"0454","INIGO"
"0455","Inigo Whistle Key"
"0456","Inigo - Bloodchill Manor patch"
"0457","Inigo Riding Patch"
"0458","Midwood Isle - Beyond Skyrim Bruma patch fix"
"0459","Whose Quest is it Anyway NG"
"0460","Happy Little Trees"
"0461","Happy Little Shrubs"
"0462","Skyland Happy Little Trees Bark"
"0463","ES Happy Little Shrubs patch"
"0464","Skyland AIO"
"0465","Better Dynamic Ash SE"
"0466","Slightly More Revealing Vanilla Clothing - 3BA Bodyslide"
"0467","Moonpath to Elsweyr Navmesh Fix"
"0468","GKB Waves Reborn"
"0469","GKB Waves Reborn-Midwood Isle"
"0470","GKB Waves"
"0471","Use Those Blankets"
"0472","Become a Bard"
"0473","Bards Reborn Student of Song Become a Bard and Bards College Expansion"
"0474","Serana Dialogue Add-On"
"0475","SDA Patch Hub SE"
"0476","Skyrim Reputation - Scion A Vampire Overhaul Patch"
"0477","Trueblood Serana"
"0478","Dawnguard Don't Hunt Cured Vampires"
"0479","QAPP - Quests Award Perk Points"
"0480","AI Overhaul - Various Patches"
"0481","COTN Morthal Patch Collection"
"0482","COTN Dawnstar Patch Collection"
"0483","QAPP - Quests Award Perk Points Patches"
"0484","Quest Conflict Fixes - Get Aegisbane"
"0485","Quest Conflict Fixes SSE"
"0486","Berserker Armor - Quest Conflict Fixes Patch"
"0487","Shadow of Skyrim - Nemesis and Alternative Death System"
"0488","Improved Camera SE - INI Tweaks"
"0489","SmoothCam"
"0490","SmoothCam - Modern Camera Preset"
"0491","SmoothCam Vanilla Enhanced 2"
"0492","Combat Pathing Revolution - NG"
"0493","BeastHHBB - Khajiit and Argonian content - player character and NPC replacer"
"0494","Immersive Armors"
"0495","Immersive Armours - SSE CBBE 3BA BodySlide"
"0496","Skyrim Reputation - Sneak Tools Patch"
"0497","Sneak Tools SE Edition"
"0498","Lux"
"0499","Lux - Via"
"0500","Lux Orbis"
"0501","Lux (patch hub)"
"0502","Lux - Via (patch hub)"
"0503","Lux Orbis (patch hub)"
"0504","Unofficial Lux Patchhub"
"0505","Sweets and Such - Baking Expanded SE"
"0506","Bards Reborn Enchanced Solitude Patch"
"0507","Bards Reborn Student of Song Undeath Patch"
"0508","Bards Reborn Student of Song AI Overhaul and USSEP Patch"
"0509","Moon and Star - Undeath Remastered Patch"
"0510","Immersive Sounds - Compendium"
"0511","Audio Overhaul - Immersive Sounds Integration (AOS - ISC Compatibility Patch)"
"0512","Unofficial Moonpath to Elsweyr Patch"
"0513","Bards Reborn USSEP Patch"
"0514","Castle Volkihar Rebuilt - Relationship Dialogue Overhaul Patch"
"0515","Cathedral Weathers and Seasons"
"0516","ENB Helper SE"
"0517","Particle Patch for ENB"
"0518","Obsidian Mountain Fogs"
"0519","Embers XD"
"0520","ENB Light"
"0521","Enhanced Volumetric Lighting and Shadows (EVLaS)"
"0522","Rudy ENB Cathedral Weathers ADDONS and REQUiRED Files"
"0523","Moons And Stars - Sky Overhaul SKSE"
"0524","Splashes Of Storms"
"0525","Rudy fix for Splashes of Storms and ENB"
"0526","Bright Waterfall Fix for ENB"
"0527","Less Distracting Blowing Snow Effects for ENB Particle Patch"
"0528","Show Player In Menus"
"0529","CoMAP"
"0530","Infinity UI"
"0531","Compass Navigation Overhaul"
"0532","Dear Diary Dark Mode (warm text)"
"0533","Dear Diary Dark Mode - Compass Navigation Overhaul Patch"
"0534","Stress and Fear - A Dynamic Sanity System"
"0535","Flat World Map Framework"
"0536","Extended Cut - Saints and Seducers Paper Map for FWMF"
"0537","Apocrypha Paper Map for FWMF"
"0538","Beyond Reach Paper Map for FWMF"
"0539","Midwood Isle Paper Map for FWMF"
"0540","Strange Runes"
"0541","ElSopa - Potions Redone"
"0542","RUSTIC SOULGEMS - Special Edition"
"0543","Rudy HQ - More Lights for ENB SE - Soul Gems"
"0544","Rudy HQ - More Lights for ENB SE - Deathbells and Nirnroots"
"0545","Rudy HQ - More Lights for ENB SE - Torchbugs and Moths"
"0546","Rudy HQ - More Lights for ENB SE - Bthardamz"
"0547","Rudy HQ - More Lights for ENB SE - Chaurus Eggs and Sacs"
"0548","Rudy HQ - More Lights for ENB SE - Glowing Mushrooms"
"0549","Rudy - More dramatic Red Mountain Plume"
"0550","Patch for Rudy HQ Misc. and Expanded Towns and Cities ETaC"
"0551","Obscure's College of Winterhold - Rudy HQ Miscellaneous SE Patch"
"0552","Soul Cairn Paper Map for FWMF"
"0553","Skyrim Paper Map by Caro Tuts for FWMF"
"0554","Paper Coldharbour Map for VIGILANT (FWMF)"
"0555","Duncan's Paper Maps for FWMF"
"0556","Rudy HQ - Standing Stones SE"
"0557","Bright Waterfall Fix for ENB Fix - Purple wind"
"0558","Use Or Take SKSE"
"0559","Oblivion Interaction Icons"
"0560","The Wheels of Lull CBBE 3BA and HIMBO Patch"
"0561","TrueHUD - HUD Additions - Gray Cowl of Nocturnal Boss Ini Tweaks"
"0562","Immersive Armors Patch"
"0563","Prisoner cart fix SMIM"
"0564","Sunder and Wraithguard - Editable Vault Cell (Cell Bug Workaround)"
submitted by Khorya to skyrimmods [link] [comments]


2024.05.14 08:54 SecretShore My sister blamed me for being raped by her ex husband when it first happened and now I don’t know how I feel about it.

Content warning: sexual assault, child rape, grooming.
I;23F, have had a very difficult upbringing. I was sexually abused by my father(70M currently) and my mother (62F) did absolutely nothing about the abuse. When I was taken into foster care, she was on my father’s side, saying I was making allegations against them and lying about them. My father went to prison in 2014, my mother realized that the relationship she was in with my father was very harmful and that she was also abused too. We have a lot better of a relationship now; but it still isn’t quite the typical mother-daughter relationship. I wouldn’t ever let her be around her grandchildren unsupervised because of that. If I ever have any.
But here is the thing. I was taken into foster care at 13 years old due to the neglect and sexual abuse in my parents care. Enter my sister, Lynnie(53F) Lynnie and her ex husband; Derek(51M) took me in at 17 years old when my foster mom kicked me out by saying I would seduce men(I was 15, a virgin up until the rape occurred with Derek.) and saying I would ruin their marriage. That was in October of 2017. Several months later, in February of 2018, three days after I got with my ex partner, was the first time that Derek cornered me and raped me. Gave me oral sex against my will, and did… I’ll let you finish the rest. This would go on multiple times a week for almost a year and a half until I was finally so suicidal enough I couldn’t take it anymore and I told Lynnie. And I told Lynnie when she asked why I didn’t tell her sooner was because she didn’t believe me when my foster mom was abusing me physically. I was being starved and physically abused.
Lynnie has never once picked her own children, or any children in her care; over any man. When Derek got on to me and my niece(Bailey; 21F) she would be on his side. When he hated the fact I was bisexual and that Bailey was too, she hated it too. She still hates it to this day. Bailey told her that Derek made a pass at her at 14. But it took me being raped at 17 for her to finally realize it was all true.
She talked to my niece when they first separated. And my niece told me tonight that Lynnie blamed me for the rape when it first happened. Just like she did for the abuse my foster mom did to me. Just like the abuse our dad did to me. She blamed a 17 year old girl for “seducing” a grown man. A GROWN FUCKING MAN.
I have been ready to cut contact with her for a long time because of her letting our sister, Cyndi, age 50(passed this year due to stroke) keep all of her boyfriends who would grope me in the house and wouldn’t care that I was the only one paying rent. As if it wasn’t me who was working my ass off and then on top of it, blaming me when I took a day off of work because I thought my rapist was following me to my work. I WAS FUCKING SCARED. I was fucking 18 years old and scared I was gonna get cornered in my own work.
And now my niece telling me that when she first got into contact with her; she told her that it was my fault I “seduced” him. And that I “seduced” every man due to the sexual abuse I went through from our father. I was a little girl. I was not a woman. I never seduced a man. That should never be in a persons vocabulary, a minor “seducing” a grown man!?
It’s the grown man’s fault. You don’t ever go after a minor, let alone also one who has been sexually abused and one you can take advantage of. You should never go for a minor. At all. Ever.
Minors don’t seduce people. People who are grown seduce people.
And I can’t think that my own sister would think that about me. At 17 that I seduced her ex husband into molesting me.
I didn’t seduce your ex husband. I was a minor. He raped and groomed me and you want to be upset that I want my name changed because when you look me up online it links me to him!?
Please. Please give me some encouragement I’m doing the right thing. Because I’ve been staying up at night and tossing and turning thinking about how sick she has absolutely made me.
EDIT: my sisters and I were half sisters. We all shared the same dad, but they had a different mom. Their mom died in 2001 of pancreatic cancer.
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2024.05.14 08:30 Sunshine_Monkeys AITA for refusing to be around my fiance's extremely problematic stepdad?

My fiance (29M) and I (27F) are set to get married in September this year and we keep having a reoccurring, nasty fight about a particular family issue of his.
For context, his stepdad did things to my fiance's older sister between the ages of 11-15. Even though there was a whole court case over it and CPS got involved, he never got in trouble because she couldn’t prove anything. My fiance and his older brothers witnessed it happening, but their mother would not allow them to testify since they were minors. The stepdad also did admit to my fiance’s mother that he had done it, and she blamed the fact that he has autism (which is NOT an excuse and doesn’t cause anyone to do such vile things) and her own daughter for “seducing” him. He was also very physically abusive to my fiance and his other siblings as in he would hit them, throw them around, and straight up beat them. His mother chose to stay married to him because she has decided that she doesn’t believe in divorce (even though she divorced my fiance’s biological dad) and that her husband has “repented” and God “forgave him”. She tells all of their family that her daughter is bipolar, crazy, and tells lies and they all believe her.
I knew about all of this up front before we even started dating. He was very up front and told me everything when we first met, so I guess you could say that I voluntarily walked into this situation. I was initially told that I would never have to meet his stepdad, which is why I decided that I was okay with going forward with dating him. Well, time came to meet his family so he took me to his mom’s house and guess who was there? Stepdad. I confronted him about this and he said that he hadn’t realized how unrealistic it was to never be around him and told me to just ignore him and not talk to him.
So for the first 2 years of our relationship I fell into a routine of going to her house for holidays and such and just ignoring the stepdad. I never spoke to him and I have never looked that man directly in the face. I always pretended that he wasn’t even there. I hated every minute of it. This past year I finally had to put my foot down. His stepdad started trying to insert himself into conversations that I was having with other people and was very insistent to be the one to give me my birthday gift. This raised a lot of red flags to me and I finally told him that I couldn’t keep going over and pretending like everything was normal and fine. I have very strong morals and values around certain issues and I just could not continue to be around a man who had done these things and sit at the holiday dinner table with him pretending that everything was all fine and good. I told him that I would no longer be going to his mom’s house and that any family members who wanted to see me could do so outside of the house.
My fiance reacted to this by telling me that I was being unreasonable to just stop coming around altogether because of the stepdad. He acknowledges that what his stepdad did is sick and evil, but told me that he hadn’t done anything in 10+ years and that I was not in immediate danger because he sits right there and protects me the whole time. I tried to explain that that doesn’t matter to me and that I can’t morally sit and pretend like everything is fine anymore. We had a huge fight over it and he finally gave in.
We ended up having a meeting in person with his mom where we told her that I knew about the stepdad’s history and that I would no longer be coming around the house. She didn’t argue with me, but sort of brushed me off and told me that maybe I’d feel more comfortable around him once I got to know him. I tried to explain to her that I wasn’t going to get to know him, but I don’t think she took me seriously at all.
Anyways, I haven’t been to her house in months, not even for the holidays. My fiance and I stopped discussing it, so I thought it was resolved. Well now, 6 months later, apparently all of the sudden his family is complaining about how I never come around and are asking if I hate them. I told my fiance that I already explained to everyone why I wasn’t coming over, so I don’t see why questions are still being asked. He got mad again and brought up the same BS about how since I’m not in danger of having anything happen to me, that it’s ridiculous and unreasonable for me to not come around at all. I have continued to stand my ground and he continues to not understand. I am sick of having the same argument every 6 months.
Honestly, a big part of the problem is that his family sweeps issues under the rug. All of his siblings have been very complacent about the situation and just don’t talk about it. Everyone pretends it didn’t happen and I am the first one to say “hey, this is actually very messed up and not okay at all”. They don’t understand it or take it seriously.
I really worry about having kids with him in the future. I do not want any future children meeting his stepdad, period. I don’t want them in the same building as him ever. He agrees that stepdad shouldn’t interact with them or ever be around them without us there, but he says the same thing about how they wouldn’t be in immediate danger so it would be fine as long as we sat there with them. That is not good enough for me. I don’t want that man to ever even lay an eye on my hypothetical kids and I don’t care whose feelings get hurt.
So, am I actually being unreasonable? What are your thoughts?
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2024.05.14 05:15 yvrstrvly3 Mother in law cant cut the cord with her son

I have been with my partner for almost 10 years. We don't live together yet. I sleep over during the weekends at his house and it irritates me how his mom stays cleaning his room like his a child. Mind you he is pushing 30. She does his laundry and the clothes I have from mine in the closet she pushes them in the back. I told my boyfriend how she needs boundaries. He tells me that in their culture is disrespectful to tell parents to have boundaries. We go out during the night and its past 11 she starts calling him. Her husband is never home and leaves for literally the whole month for "work" and I feel she is jealous of my relationship with her son cause shes unhappy. When shes cleaning she literally bends down and does not wear a braw in front of my boyfriend. I know this is not normal for a mother to do I feel like she seduces him. She leaves her clothes and bras in the bathroom. She always used to tell me that her son looks exactly like his dad when he was young. Im like okay? cool. I just think how its odd how she does eveything for my boyfriend knowing she has another son and she dont do half the stuff to him. His family is soon moving to another state and she told us that we are coming with them, my partner said No we are not. She was all like "your my son i cant leave having you far away from me." I tell my boyfriend his moher is enmesh and is not healthy. I honestly feel she thinks shes my boyfriends wife.I honestly cant stand her and i wish she leaves me and my boyfriend live our lifes as we want.
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2024.05.13 05:52 Inner_Lake_4988 I’m (26M) trying to reignite my relationship with my ex (25F), but need to prove that I’m a better person.

So this might be kinda long but here goes. We dated in high school (we didn’t go to the same school but like we dated as teenagers). We went out for 2 years, sneaking around when we were 16 and 17 and ultimately breaking up when she was 18 and I was 19.
I had just gotten out of the foster care system (I was there pretty briefly, after my mom chased me with a butcher knife and wasn’t feeding me) and was living with my uncle when we started dating. In the months before I met her I’d been suspended from my school and had to see a psychiatrist. Said psychiatrist was a hot 26 year old who groomed me (I didn’t see it as that at the time but yeah). She blew up her entire life by telling her boss she was in love with me and everyone around me acted like I’d seduced and wronged her, so I believed that about myself (also I’d had a crush on her and came on to her). She was my first “consensual” sexual experience and I felt like a stud or some shit. Which was really important to my personal view of myself because I wanted to feel powerful and in control and masculine.
Anyway, I met my now ex and instantly fell in love but was also an asshole to her because of my own trauma. For instance, I got really frustrated with myself once because I couldn’t perform so I got really mad, freaked out and negatively compared her vagina to my groomer’s. I was also an asshole to her friends and would say unhinged things on a regular basis to guilt her into staying.
About a month ago we reconnected. She’s survived physical abuse now (from her man after me; they have been broken up for years). I can’t help but feel like my treatment of her primed her for his abusive ass. She has a son with him and has full custody. I’m really into her but she says that she’s not sure if she can trust me around her son (bc I was unbalanced when we dated). We have slept together though and I told her she was beautiful and perfect the whole time.
I want to prove that I’m different but don’t know how.
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2024.05.12 14:37 Ok_Moment6916 NEED HELP !

i wanna seduce my mom plz tell me how to seduce her
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2024.05.12 04:59 Marble-Boo-x3 Found this on Pinterest so Imma answer these questions about Luna :3

Found this on Pinterest so Imma answer these questions about Luna :3
1: Luna’s pretty short tempered when things don’t go her way within a few minutes. She kinda shows it with a whine and will sometimes start to cry if she gets REALLY frustrated.
2: Luna doesn’t understand the concept of “soulmates” quite yet.
3: Well, Luna doesn’t like it when people ask her to seduce them just so they can do better in bed with their other partner (not including Luna btw).
4: Luna’s “happy place” is literally just her room. But, she does like being in D.D.’s room too just a cuddle and stuff .
5: 13-14
6: 15-16 (when Luna was with Strawberry, her abusive ex).
7: Luna can’t legally drink yet, so she hasn’t been to a bar before.
8: Luna has broken her tail because when she was 9, she was hanging off a jungle gym, and decided to drop and landed on her tail. On hard concrete. It hurt like hell for her.
9: Yes. Being with Strawberry.
10: Luna’s favorite one that Peppermint (aka Luna’s mom) told her is when Luna was 3-4, she kept eating dead birds from the backyard. It got so bad that Luna couldn’t go outside without supervision for a good while.
11: Luna typically likes her partners to be a lot taller than her. She also likes them to be somewhat angsty too.
12: Yes. Her drawing tablet.
13: No, Luna does NOT have any tattoo’s currently. She also currently has NO plans to get one either anytime soon.
14: same as last question.
15: Luna hasn’t thought about that yet.
16: That she brutally murdered people in Hell in the past out of pure anger and wrath.
17: Luna is pretty decent at picking gifts for the most part but she does slip up sometimes.
18: Yes. Drawing. Even if it’s not as good as others.
19: probably as this weird, bunny, demon like girl.
20: probably as a energetic, slightly insane person, thats also pretty funny occasionally.
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2024.05.12 02:28 tojixyy Need to find this manhwa/manga

So basically a few years ago I read this manhwa or manga, not sure what it is.
It’s about a high school girl, who’s not very pretty/ popular, then she gets pretty and starts catching the attention of others. She starts dating someone who’s older.. he makes her sleep with other men, she only does it out of love for him… Then some boys from her class see her getting into some old man’s car and take a photo, they use it as beverage to sleep with her, she’s forced to have yk with these guys in school in some storage room. Then her father takes a liking to her aswell and starts 🍇ing her, then she wants to tell her mom but the father is first and tells the mom how the daughter seduced him and stuff the mother believes the father and throws the daughter out. She can’t go to school either because of what happened with the boys.. and her boyfriend takes her in… and makes her sleep with other men again… she starts changing… she used to look innocent, now she bleached her hair, got tatts and piercing, like everywhere… and has to sleep with other men… then her boyfriend throws her out and she’s on the street and forced to sleep with other men aswell. This continues until she finds out she’s pregnant, she saves a lot of money to make a better life hot herself and daughter. She has a locker where she stored the money.. and when she was on her last trimester (or how you say it) her classmates see her with the money. They throw her on the ground and start kicking her, on her stomache and yea down there.. she started moaning out of habit and they call her disgusting and stuff, she starts bleeding and lays there half dead… then they take her money and leave. She goes to some public bathroom, crying.
Then there’s this flashback of her 5 years later with shorter hair and healthier in her apartment with her child… the perfect happy ending
Except she died in that bathroom of an overdosis.
Honestly when I read this (I was like 14/15 or sth) I cried so much, and now i remembered it recently and forgot the name… I think the name was like out of numbers or stuff well anyway hope you guys can help me!
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2024.05.12 01:45 swallowedinthesea11 Nintendo SNES

Nintendo SNES
Just wanted to share. Wanted to model something other than houses so I chose the SNES. Found the dimensions of the shell online and the rest were drawn with estimates and some liberty.
Thank you for visiting!
https://preview.redd.it/dag728ntvvzc1.png?width=1920&format=png&auto=webp&s=5edecba3dc4ec042adba6a4216cac831e5d81528
Link to the model:
app.sketchup.com/app?3dwid=3d36ca2a-2cee-49fd-a7fc-e734b519ab75
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2024.05.11 08:42 Trick_Minimum3190 About Her Voice: A conversation on Mariah Carey with author and critic Andrew Chan

About Her Voice: A conversation on Mariah Carey with author and critic Andrew Chan
About Her Voice A conversation on Mariah Carey with author and critic Andrew Chan BY DANIELLE AMIR JACKSON DECEMBER 21, 2023
Photo by Raph_PH via Flickr. Artistic rendering by Oxford American. Courtesy Wikimedia Commons This exclusive feature is an online extension of the OA’s annual music issue. Order the Ballads Issue and companion CD here.
Singing is “the most enigmatic of performing arts,” the author, editor, critic, and self-professed “diva lover” Andrew Chan writes. It’s a simple matter of air and anatomy: breath moves through closed vocal folds which then vibrate and resound throughout the throat, chest, head, or sinuses. But when we listen intently, transcendence is available to us. Raised hairs on the upper arm, a tingle on the back of the neck. The irrepressible urge to tap one’s toes. Transcendence is something we can feel–a physical sensation that unleashes the emotions and connects us to the divine. That’s why a host of spiritual traditions embrace the human voice as a conduit for worship, and in secular music, many of the most popular traditions–r&b and its variants, country, even rap—foreground some sort of vocal virtuosity. A skilled vocalist can “seduce us, haunt us, heal us regardless of the text they’re delivering or even the culture that surrounds them,” Chan writes.
In his first book, published just this past fall, Chan highlights the thirty-plus year career of Mariah Carey, whose five-octave vocal range; agile, multisyllabic melisma; and well-honed aptitude for catchy hooks and witty wordplay turned her into one of the most successful pop singer-songwriters of all time. Carey has earned five Grammys and nineteen number ones on the Billboard pop chart—the highest of any act besides the Beatles, surpassing Elvis. Two of her fifteen full-length albums are certified diamond, with sales of ten million or more in the United States alone. Why Mariah Carey Matters, part of the University of Texas Press’s Music Matters series, is the first book-length critical assessment of the artist’s wide-ranging career.
Chan makes the case that from the beginning, Carey’s vocal dexterity and range set her apart—her mastery at blending piercing whistle tones, fluttery, feminine whispers, muscular belts, and “leathery low” notes, often within the same song. “There’s something irrational, bizarre, and hazardous-sounding about the way Mariah hopscotches over and across vocal registers without warning or transition,” Chan writes. She also blended and mixed styles of singing, infusing both big, sentimental ballads and buoyant, weightless bops alike with gospel fervor; in the ’90s, alongside artists like Mary J. Blige and Jodeci, she contributed to the creation and commercial dominance of “hip-hop soul.” In her house remixes, often painstakingly re-recorded versions of her mainstream pop hits, she frequently scatted and improvised in the tradition of Ella Fitzgerald or Sarah Vaughan. Equally impressive, and critical in understanding Carey, Chan says, is her “artistry outside the vocal booth.” She wrote or co-wrote all of her most enduring hits, including “Vision of Love,” “We Belong Together,” and “All I Want for Christmas Is You.” She’s produced herself and other artists, and is one of few women nominated for the Grammy Award for Producer of the Year (Non-Classical). It was an early honor, from 1992, for work on her second LP, Emotions.
Chan is one of my favorite writers and an important voice in contemporary music and film criticism. He’s vivid in his assessment of Carey’s musical gifts. He layers in details of his own upbringing to help us understand why certain songs and singers turned him into a student of the art. I love the way he brings the reader along with him—we’re watching and listening together as Carey delivers her gospel-drenched rendition of “America the Beautiful” on the NBA Finals in 1990, hearing her sing the climactic sea-ahhh as she “evokes rolling vistas and open water.” He acknowledges the blemishes on Carey’s career and the unpredictability of her voice, which he insists is not a recent phenomenon. He situates Carey in refreshing context: with Black singers of the ’80s who influenced her sound, and with other female songwriter-producers like Patrice Rushen, Teena Marie, and Angela Winbush, who don’t often receive credit for their prowess behind the boards.
“So much of the culture and money created during this era is the product of Black female creative energy,” writes Danyel Smith, another of my favorite music writers, in Shine Bright, her sweeping history of Black women in American pop. She’s talking about the middle of the twentieth century, when recordings like the Dixie Cups’ “Chapel of Love” achieved mammoth success that the performers—who came up with the arrangement we all know and love—were not credited for. Carey has received commercial rewards, and, as of late, critical adoration from outlets such as Pitchfork and Rolling Stone.
But Chan suggests we still haven’t absorbed the magnitude of Carey’s genius, that our cultural blinders have hindered our ability to understand the breadth of her labor and mastery. Carey’s upbringing as a biracial daughter of a white mom who raised her largely on her own; her sense of not fully belonging among Black or white people; her insistence on femininity in an industry that privileges masculine presentation when it doles out points for credibility. She used it all in her art—especially in her ballads. Over a long and wide-ranging conversation, Chan and I discussed Carey’s melancholy, artistic lineage, the feeling of singing, r&b, gospel, and transcendence.
Courtesy University of Texas Press Danielle Amir Jackson: Can we start with your background? I know you grew up in some American suburbs and in Malaysia. When did you begin to pay so much attention to Mariah Carey?
Andrew Chan: I moved around quite a bit as a kid. I was born in Minneapolis, in a great music city, but I didn’t live there long. My family moved to Tampa, Florida and then to Malaysia. After moving back to the States, I lived in Atlanta, Georgia and Charlotte, North Carolina—the metropolitan New South.
In the nineties.
In the nineties. I moved to Atlanta… I think in ’97. I remember Butterfly had just come out. And I remember Usher was number one on the charts with “You Make Me Wanna…” Living in Atlanta and Charlotte in the nineties, I was one of the few Chinese Americans in school. For much of middle school and early high school, half of my friends were Black. So, there was a lot of exposure to the music that they were listening to. Hip-hop and r&b were becoming mainstream and dominating the charts. Having friends who were Black exposed me to more than just what was crossing over.
I also felt connected emotionally to Malaysian culture. My parents exposed me to some of the great Asian divas of the eighties and nineties. Mandarin and Cantonese pop were important for me until, maybe, first grade. So, I was listening to people like Anita Mui, Priscilla Chan, and Teresa Teng and was completely obsessed with them before I had much knowledge of American pop music. Even then my ear was attuned to how different they sounded. Anita Mui had this beautiful contralto voice. Teresa Teng was more of a mezzo soprano. And they had different vocal approaches. Even if I didn’t have the language to analyze that or express that at that age, I was really drawn to the variety of women’s singing. That fascination carried over to the period when I started becoming obsessed with American pop music and American divas, mainly through Whitney and Mariah. When I heard “I Will Always Love You” and the whole Bodyguard era, I’d never heard something like that before. That drew me to the soul tradition of American singing.
I don’t often hear people discuss Carey in the lineage of great American interpreters of ballads like Ella Fitzgerald or Frank Sinatra, and I really appreciate that it’s the note you lead with in your book—which parallels the way that Carey started her career. The OA’s annual music issue is a dive into ballads and the elasticity of the form. What’s special about ballads? Why might an artist like Carey launch her career with ballads?
Even though she became frustrated with Tommy Mottola molding her into an adult contemporary ballad singer, the demo was full of ballads. She co-wrote all those songs. She found different ways of making the ballad fresh and interesting for herself.
The ballad has always meant different things across time. If you were to compare Sinatra, singing an old jazz standard ballad like “Angel Eyes” or “In the Wee Small Hours of the Morning,” what does that have in common with Mariah Carey’s “Can’t Let Go?” They’re slow. They’re about passionate love. This does a couple of things for a singer: It gives you space to really milk every note and moment; the listener is drawn into the space of the ballad and is invited to listen very closely in a way that you just aren’t if you’re competing with an up-tempo beat behind you or if you’re singing fast. The feat is more about rhythm than it is about holding out long notes. The ballad accentuates the tone of the singer’s voice. It creates an intimate connection with the listener. It also puts the singer at risk of being uncool because ballads are kind of forbidden. And that is why we love them. They can be uncool. They almost feel like something that we shouldn’t admit we listen to or respect because they, especially the sad ones allow us to wallow, which we’re not supposed to do if we’re grownups and we want to be serious and mature. We’re not supposed to sink into our feelings of longing and despair. But this is one of the places in our culture where we get access to that intensity of emotion, and the slowness of the music mimics the infatuated person’s inability to let go of love or inability to stop thinking about the beloved.
Mariah is an unabashedly sentimental singer, and that’s why it took so long for her to garner any kind of critical respect. She is in that tradition of musical wallowers. She loves her heartache. She loves to long and pine. She’s a bit of a masochist.
Many interesting people are.
Yeah. Ballads can be transportive to sing. The tempos are slower; you can really get your mouth around the words and feel each one of them. Because the song isn’t whizzing by at a crazy pace, you can build to a satisfying climax. You can go from low to high in this drawn-out, dramatic way. That shows the full capabilities of your voice.
When you say ballads are transportive, are you talking about a transcendent experience? The Holy Ghost?
A little bit. It’s to the point where you’re moving with your own performance, which is why singers sometimes get choked up when they’re singing their ballads, because it is such a vulnerable place to be. In karaoke, which most people don’t take seriously, if I’m singing a particular song and I’m really feeling it, I can get so lost in it.
“She loves her heartache. She loves to long and pine. She’s a bit of a masochist.”
ANDREW CHAN
I like what you said about ballads being almost contraband. I remember when people realized Beyoncé was starting the Renaissance tour with slow songs. It seemed almost like an anachronism.
Yeah, for her big house record. She’s a great ballad girl too. In terms of them being contraband, back in the Maoist era in China, love ballads were banned because they were seen as counterrevolutionary. If you were part of the revolution, you wouldn’t indulge in these individualistic displays of your own personal emotions. I do get into that a little bit in the book where I even had a moment in my teenage years where I was just like, These are pathetic. They’re a distraction from the real business of politics and liberation and revolution, you know?
We include a song by Fannie Lou Hamer on our compilation accompanying the issue. You made me think of Elaine Brown, who was chair of the Black Panther party and recorded songs and some of them are balladlike. They’re propagandist, one-note songs.
There is the political ballad too. I think there’s something about love ballads where it’s like surrendering and succumbing to feelings of longing, loss, yearning, desire. Of course, there’s misogyny involved in that too, because these are “feminized” emotions. Ideas about feminine hysteria are built into this hyperbolic style of singing as well. People forget that Whitney was booed and disrespected for much of her career. It’s funny that she and Mariah had a reappraisal where they’re legends now, but at the beginning of their careers, they were criticized for over-singing and being excessive.
I wonder why people didn’t say that about Luther Vandross. He’s super indulgent.
He’s so indulgent. “A House is Not a Home” or “Superstar”—those songs are seven minutes long or something. He had some pop crossover appeal, but he never hit it as big as Whitney and Mariah. But also, there’s a bit of misogyny in that, the difference between women doing it and men doing it. I mean, Al Green is a show-off. They’re all show-offs.
Let’s talk about the eighties. You say that “Can’t Let Go,” is a revision of “Make It Last Forever” by Keith Sweat and Jacci McGhee and compare Carey’s work as a songwriter-singer-producer to Teena Marie and Angela Winbush. And you go into quite a bit of depth into all her references and homages in Glitter: Indeep, Zapp, Cherrelle. I’m having a moment right now—perhaps I’m where Mariah was back in ’99 and 2000—but I’m so obsessed with the sounds and sights of the Black ’80s. Miki Howard, whom you also mention, has been heavy on my mind, alongside Anita Baker, Patrice Rushen, Regina Belle. In your opinion, what was special about that era in music, particularly in Black pop, and how was it connected to Carey’s debut?
I didn’t come into writing this book as an expert in eighties Black music. That is one of the areas where I felt a bit insecure because I felt I knew sixties and seventies r&b and nineties onward in terms of r&b, but for some reason the eighties were an area that I hadn’t explored sufficiently. I knew the major names and their works, but it is a decade that, when it comes to Black popular music, it’s so defined by one-hit wonders. Aside from the Whitneys and the Michael and Janet Jacksons and Lionel Richies, there weren’t a lot of a long-lasting careers that crossed over to non-Black audiences in a major way. Sometimes, DeBarge would have a pop hit, but for most of their significant catalog, mostly Black listeners were listening. I had to do a lot of catching up to get those sounds into my ears and really hear how they influenced Mariah. I think part of it is because eighties r&b is less canonized than the seventies and nineties. Even the nineties have experienced this resurgence of critical interest, but the eighties are almost like a blip. Part of it is where it came in the history of popular music—after the demise of disco, which really was a shaming of Black music by the white rock establishment. I’m sure it’s more complex than that, but that was certainly a dimension to that whole culture war. In the eighties, you have r&b coming out of the ashes of disco and utilizing the electronic elements that disco had been criticized or seen as superficial for. You get a lot of experimentation like Zapp—so kooky and goofy. The use of the talk box to manipulate vocals. You get club music, like Cherrelle, a sort of post-disco dance music, people having a lot of fun. Just like really deep grooves that went on for like six minutes. Gap Band, all that kind of stuff.
There’s the kind of fun side of eighties r&b, but then on the other side you have this luxuriousness, the plush textures of Quiet Storm, which began in the seventies, but really came into its own commercially in the eighties with people like Luther, Anita Baker—who sort of took the slow-roasted, slow-jam, boudoir sound of Isaac Hayes and Al Green and Smokey Robinson—and pushed it to a whole new level. Even when they were singing at the tops of their lungs, it was still smooth.
I hesitate to just generalize all eighties r&b, but I see those as the two parallel tracks. I think they both deeply informed Mariah’s aesthetic. I think Aretha is a huge influence on pretty much all r&b women singers. I think Mariah would cite her as the ultimate female influence, but I think when it comes to sonics, the luxuriousness, the Quiet Storm sound is so evident in songs like “Underneath the Stars” and “Fourth of July.” Those are what you would think of as Quiet-Storm Mariah, but you [also] hear it in the stuff that’s more hip-hop like “The Roof.” The way she’s stacking her vocals, the way she’s creating texture with her voice. It’s very Luther. The way she is manipulating her voice, the way she’s showing it off but not for its own sake, but to create an environment that you sort of wrap yourself in. When I think of Luther showcases like “Superstar” or “Forever, for Always, for Love,” it’s very much like some kind of texture that you can wrap yourself.
This is quite different from the approach of the belters of the sixties and seventies, like Aretha or even Gladys or Chaka, powerful singers who really prioritized the belt. Mariah is a phenomenal belter—one of the greatest. Where she really distinguishes herself from other divas of her time is the subtler parts of her voice. I think a lot of that is influenced by Quiet Storm. When it comes to the zanier side of eighties r&b, you hear it in her sense of humor, her effervescence, especially as she became more of a jokester lyrically in her later years. You can sort of hear the lyrical experimentation and the kind of devil-may-care attitude of eighties Black music.
One of my favorite live performances of Carey’s is where she sings “Somewhere Over the Rainbow” and “If Only You Knew,” her Patti Labelle homage. I love that era in her voice where there is that level of rasp.
That performance—it’s very eighties Patti. “If Only You Knew” is so eighties. I think Mariah’s samples, too, are so interesting and root her in the time of her youth. She’s such a radio-head, the way she talks about listening to the radio in her memoir and her devotion to soaking up all those sounds. That was before streaming, where you really had to be glued to the radio. I don’t know if she had MTV back in the day, but the radio was the thing. And she wasn’t just listening to r&b. She was listening to Pat Benatar. The range of her musical references is so fascinating.
I’d love to discuss Carey’s gospel moments. You spend a great deal of time on her rendition of Dottie Peoples’ “Jesus, Oh What a Wonderful Child” and note that while Carey didn’t grow up in the Black church, she joined one as an adult. What’s Mariah’s connection to the gospel of the ’90s? I’m thinking of artists like BeBe and CeCe Winans or Commissioned?
I love gospel music, but I would never claim to know it. I love gospel music because that’s where r&b comes from. R&b is my portal into gospel music. It remains the source of so much great singing, even today. Le’Andria Johnson is one of my favorite singers alive. In terms of Mariah and gospel, I think it is so interesting to me that she didn’t grow up in a Black church and yet was so committed to singing in a gospel style, even from the beginning. There may not be songs that feel explicitly gospel on the debut album, but you do have moments. “There’s Got to Be a Way” has a gospel choir that feels kind of in the style of BeBe and CeCe Winans. That pop, commercial gospel that was happening in the late eighties and nineties—the kind of gospel that you would hear in Sister Act 2. Then she employs background singers like Kelly Price and Melonie Daniels—virtuosos of that sound.
In the book, you note that Kelly Price had been trained by Mattie Moss Clark.
Yes, I found that in a video of Kelly Price. She talked about doing some kind of workshop with Mattie Moss Clark when she was younger. [Carey’s] commitment to surrounding herself with not just skilled r&b background vocalists, who could do a commercial sound, but vocalists like Kelly Price and Melonie Daniels, who could bring a church sound, specifically a COGIC sound to her music is completely fascinating to me. The Clark Sisters were playing on r&b radio back in the seventies. Gospel had been having these kinds of crossover moments, but Mariah’s knowledge of the music surpasses just knowing “Oh, Happy Day” or “You Brought the Sunshine.” She was listening to Vanessa Bell Armstrong. From the very first album in interviews, she is citing Vanessa Bell Armstrong and the Clark Sisters as influences.
I have to think that in her teens, she had been exposed to gospel music. I’m fascinated that she came to the music and absorbed its influence without having a longstanding background in the Black church. I bring this up, not so much as a point about appropriation, but more as another example of Mariah being someone obsessed with records and listening to music and soaking up any influence she could find, whether it was Journey—when she covers “Open Arms”—or gospel or hip-hop or what have you.
To go back to gospel and “Jesus, Oh What a Wonderful Child,” she has moments where she wears her gospel influence on her sleeve even before that. “Anytime You Need a Friend” was one of the most significant gospel moments; she’s singing with a choir behind her and doing a lot of riffing and running and belting in the way of the great COGIC singers. “Jesus, Oh What a Wonderful Child” is significant because it sounds live. I read somewhere that it was recorded live in a church. The vamp is unlike anything that had come in her discography before. It is a gesture toward a kind of gospel authenticity. It’s no longer just gospel-pop. It’s going there and trying to recreate the spirit and the atmosphere and the feeling of a live gospel setting.
I’m interested in her study of gospel as an example of her being a constant and abiding student of different forms of Black music. I love her later gospel songs like “Fly like a Bird,” “I Wish You Well,” and “Heavenly” where she combines a James Cleveland song with a Mary Mary song. There is a song called “I Understand” that’s one of those multi-megastar performances. There’s Rance Allen, Kim Burrell, and Mariah does just whistle at the very end.
Do you think Mariah is fundamentally an r&b artist?
We first have to acknowledge that genres are constructs. These terms have historical origins that are usually rooted in marketing and promotion. Most people track [r&b] to the 1940s. It replaced race music as the designation or the category for whatever African Americans listened to that was popular music. It’s a shifting signifier. The idea that there is a commonality between the music of Ray Charles and Lavern Baker and Fats Domino and Mariah and SZA—all these artists sound so different. I think there is something a little bit unhelpful about these genre markers.
That being said, constructs take on their own reality for people who engage with them. For Mariah, and her listeners who gravitate to the r&b side of her catalog, r&b represents something. It’s as different as the music has become over the decades. There are still certain stylistic and sonic continuities. It’s very improvisational. There is melisma, runs. In classical music, you perform it as its notated. Melisma defies notation. You can sing so many notes so fast that you can’t really even transcribe it. It’s rooted in gospel. It’s rooted in a certain passion for delivery, a centrality of the voice and individual expression. An idea about struggle and transcendence, because it’s rooted in the Black experience and an acknowledgement that life is sometimes totally unbearable, and music is a vehicle to help you get over, to get through. People who gravitate to r&b are connecting with that.
Of course, not every r&b song is about that. But even in a slow jam, you can hear that whining, that struggle, that tension. You hear all these elements in Mariah’s discography. For her, r&b became, at a certain point in her life, a way of expressing her Black identity, which had been dismissed or misrepresented or misunderstood. She was constantly asked about her race in interviews, constantly having to remind people of what she had said from the very beginning, that her father was Black and Venezuelan, and her mother was Irish American. Embracing r&b as her heritage was an important part of her owning her identity as a Black woman. R&b is so interesting as a cultural and political marker, because now we’re in an age where white artists like Justin Bieber or Justin Timberlake, or whoever, say that they’re r&b. I’m less interested in saying, “This person’s not r&b; this person is,” and more interested in what is it that makes people so desperate to align themselves with this genre. I think it’s the historical lineage—the gravity of the heritage. It’s the connection to the idea of soul, which is a spiritual idea.
I’m not sure if any artist can be definitively anything when it comes to genre. But I think certainly Mariah perceives herself as an r&b artist and has conducted her artistic life in a way that shows that she’s committed to a certain ideal of what r&b is—passionate, soulful singing; a connection to music as a form of spirituality.
“Even in a slow jam, you can hear that whining, that struggle, that tension.”
ANDREW CHAN
You have this part of the book where you’re talking about her covers of power rock anthems. You don’t say that she’s reappropriating, but you say she’s showing how permeable rock and r&b boundaries are. They have a shared origin, and they come together in her choices of what to cover and what to sing and how to sing them and her arrangements.
For sure. If you think about Foreigner’s “I Want to Know What Love Is” that she covers, that’s an instance of a white band bringing gospel influence into a rock song. These boundaries are always permeable. Rock at one point was called r&b when it was sung by Black artists. What she demonstrates with her music is the variety within r&b and that the music is not a monolith. She’s giving you quiet storm. She’s giving you girl-group songs. She’s giving you New Jack Swing. She’s giving you hip-hop soul. She’s giving you power ballads. She’s giving you deep soul, in the tradition of Aretha with “Mine Again.” She is committed to a vision of herself as an r&b artist, but for her it is many things.
All the things you were saying about the struggle and resilience r&b signifies—I think that’s also reflective of the queerness that many sense in a lot of Mariah’s songs.
Absolutely. One song I want to write about is “Ain’t No Way.” Carolyn Franklin wrote that. I don’t know if we know definitively if she was queer, but I think all the history kind of shows that she was. There’s definitely a [queer] reading of that song. You have Luther as a queer artist and Sylvester, so many of the pioneers of the r&b. Little Richard. It makes sense because gospel was pioneered by queer people. Otherness and survival, the longing for transcendence is something so baked into the music. That’s certainly what I was responding to as a young closeted gay child, who’s experiencing racial otherness in the American South as well. Obviously, my experience is very different from Mariah’s, but I think there’s a longing to transcend the arbitrariness of what oppresses us through sound.
And she does transcend and break through.
She achieves it. What is beautiful about a Mariah Carey ballad is that she takes you into the depths of despair, sorrow, but through the sheer beauty and power and mastery of her voice, she is carrying us over. No matter how sorrowful or despairing it gets—and some of them really are quite dark and fatalistic—there’s something about the voice. The voice can be the vehicle that carries you over.
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2024.05.10 07:33 Few-Half-7228 Need to vent

Hi. I need to vent and only y’all will understand me. I live in the US but am from South America. Last year, my mom and my best friend came to visit me at the same time for my son’s first birthday. The visit was a disaster. My friend had been a second daughter to my mom, helping my mom through a lot during a difficult time health wise. To make a long story short, my mom and I did not get along. I tried to talk to her about our issues in the past (I’ve been doing therapy) and that didn’t go well. She also accused me of being a bad mother and didn’t respect any of my boundaries with my son. My mom blames all of that on my best friend and claims she ruined everything. Mind you that my friend just wanted to help her and was actually trying to tell me to make up with my mom. My mom went as far as telling me that my best friend was wearing provocative clothes to seduce my husband and that she was trying to protect me. My friend is married with 2 kids and took great offense of these comments. I help my mom financially because I didn’t know better when I was younger and now she’s on the older side and I feel an obligation to help. However, this year, I told my mom that she wouldn’t come for my son’s birthday party because we have a lot of expenses, some of them unexpected due to health problems and taxes. She did not take that well and has been telling me all day that if it is because of money she understands but that if she finds out my friend is coming she will be pissed. That’s after I told her twice she is not coming and the reason is strictly financially. It’s like I have to prove I’m not lying. It’s exhausting. I’m actually relieved she’s not coming although I feel guilty for depriving my son of spending time with his grandma. I don’t know what I want from this post but I just feel so angry and defeated. I mourn the relationship I never had with my mom and I go back and forth between feeling guilty and proud for establishing boundaries. Thanks for reading this :)
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2024.05.09 11:15 Round_Swordfish2179 I want to open a mom son incest group on telegram where we can discuss how to seduce our moms. Dm me on tg @outlawkingg to get added to the group

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2024.05.09 03:31 addy-with-a-y Season 1 is kinda crazy and I have a lot to say about it

Im doing a rewatch of the show in prep for S3 and holy crap I forgot how much is show is insane.
Anthony is a bitch. Like why did he say yes to Nigel. I get he has nothing "Wrong" with him but... yes he does. He is so creepy the whole time. And clearly is not a good dude. Why did Another think it okay? And without asking Daph? What part of him said that was a good idea? I know his mom said that their dad would have matched her up already but... In one night he was like "Yes. The ugly dude who my sister clearly dislikes. That is the man she shall marry." Fuck this dude. I know he gets better later on but he is so caught up in hating being the viscount to give a shit about his sisters happiness. And even if he was her only suitor at teh moment they were like two weeks into the season. There was plenty of time.
But Anthony’s romance with sienna was honestly really sad. Like he did really care about her but because of the rules of their society, he couldn’t be open about it. But I think that’s how he liked it. I think because he knew he couldn’t marry her he was able to he truly loved her. Especially when we see season two that he’s having a really hard time seeing love as a good thing. But then he hast to end it because he knows that he has to get married, he has to have children, and that tears them apart. And then Sienna feeling as if she hast to find another man because that’s the only way she’ll be able to live properly is really upsetting. When Anthony comes to crying because he’s going to die or kill his best friend… that was truly his last moment of love before the second season. I know that in the books he just has an affair, and it wasn’t like how it is in the show. But I think having Anthony being in love with someone was a good way to humanize him. Not only because of how awful of a brother he is but because it shows he is capable of romantic love and setting him up for the second season to be the lead.
Eloise is so much worse than I remember. She is so fucking mean to Daph for no reason. Like she will start a conversation just to insult someone, and when she and Daph talk in Daph's room she acts so high and mighty. This girl makes it clear how insecure she is but then acts like everyone around her is a moron and stupid for wanting to get married. I get she wants more for herself but why does she have to be an ass about it? And her interactions with Pen.... Oh that is pissing me off. She constantly interrupts her, clearly refuses to understand that Pen is not as wealthy and has no brothers- so she has to marry- but also refuses to see that Pen wants a marriage and a family. Its really sad. Like how do you have a friend your whole life and not see that Pen is in love with Collin? Pen makes herself so clear and upfront but no on listens to her- least of all Eloise.
And Marina... I understand her. I really do. But trying to baby trap Collin is really sad. She seems to really like him. And I don't blame her for choosing him. But she was not thinking anything through. Collin was really young and smart. He wouldn't be looking for an heir so soon with him wanting to travel for months at a time. And lets say he doesn't care and is over the moon. But then she gives birth to two healthy babies... no one will think those are his, and if they do they will think he compromised her. And then it would def come out that those kids aren't his one way or another. Then Marina and Collin are ruined. And can you imagine how fucked up it would be to have your wife give birth to kids that aren't yours, and feel like she only married you for safety? When you went on and on about love? Collin might hate her after that. And yeah her and the kids will have a roof and food, but she made a big deal out of wanting Collin because he loved her. I bet she would be in that gambling room with Daph and like those other ladies speak nothing but of how they no longer speak. But Marina saying that she’s going to seduce Collin was really funny. And then to have him reject her because he’s a good man- the exact reason she wants to be with him was the perfect way to keep them apart.
But then Marina puts down Pen for wanting Collin to be happy and that she loves him... She says Collin sees her as a child- like Eloise and Hyacinth who are both not out in society- and that she is a fool. How Collin could never love her. And then she talks about how she is a woman and... Yeah she is a couple years older, but its not like she's in her 30's. She lived in teh country her whole life and is related to nobility. She went to the same church as Lords and Ladies, and never mentioned working. She clearly wasn't as sheltered as Pen but she was made to enter society like them. She's not a lady but she's not working class either. And all she did to make her "grown up" was that she had sex, Like that's it. I like her 99% of teh time but once that scene comes on... Oh I am a hater.
I also forgot just how funny the Featherington’s are. Like yeah all of the Bridgerton’s have their moments, but all the Featherington’s are funny all the time. Portia and Varly have great interactions all the time. And Prudence and Priscilla are just comedy gold. They’re so stupid but in a really non-malicious way; they’re just airheads and I think that’s a really good way to contrast just how smart Penelope is. And a good way to hint that she’s Lady Whistledown. And even the dad is really funny, The way he cries when Portia confronts him was the perfect way to break the tension.
I like Will and Alice together. I don’t really have anything to say about them. Other than that, they are cute and I’m glad that they’re getting more screen time in season three. Because I feel like they’re pretty close to being one dimensional because even with all their time, they’re just characters to support Simon basically. And I want more of them.
And I would like to start off this next part by saying that if someone doesn’t wanna have kids, that’s all well and good. I think that if you don’t want kids don’t have them. Please. But not wanting to have kids because you hate your dead dad! What the fuck? That is so dumb to me.
I don’t think that anybody should live in spite of other people. No one should center their lives around people they dislike. And I understand it’s more than that. I know Simon believes he is undeserving of love because he isn’t perfect. And how that’s the big climax of him and Daphne getting together. But even before that it’s made very clear that he doesn’t have kids because he hates his dad. And I think that’s really silly. Especially when he clearly wants to have children. To have a family. But he wont let himself because of a man who is not only dead, but he barley knew.
But I really liked Simon. I wish his stutter was more of a thing when he was an adult. To give him more vulnerability. Him getting drunk because he thinks Daph hates him, and that he would die for her... Loser, pathetic man. I love it. I hope someone loves me that much one day.
Now Daphne... they could never make me hate you.
No one tells this girl shit.
She doesn't know how babies are made, so when she has sex she has no idea what is going on. Hell, no one tells her what sex is until it is happening. And when Simon cums she thinks he is in pain! Pain! She is so ignorant and no one explains it to her. Violet should have told her. And when Simon realized that she knew nothing he should have told her. And no one can convince me other wise. Like this man clearly knows she knows nothing and keeps her in the dark so she wont get pregnant. (I'll get to the SA part I promise. I have something to say about it but it'll be later)
No one tells her how to be a duchess and when she fucks up no one tells her she has. So she tries to be kind and everyone is cold to her. Not even the staff tell her anything. She is in that big ass house alone not having a clue what is going on.
She can't even use a fucking stove. I know this is because she is rich but like damn. Not even a stove.
The only thing this girl can do is the piano and punch men.
Its also odd how much the show frames her as a child. Daph is supposed to be at the youngest 19 and 21 max and they give her direction to be so timid and naive and like... well a child. She is constantly hiding behind doors, bowing her head in submission, and seems to have no sinful thoughts until Simon. I know its partly because of how she was raised but she is so demure it takes from her womanhood. It can take me out of a scene pretty fast. And when you have her younger sister as a contrast, and scenes like her and Another on horseback talking about how she was meant for marriage and marriage only... It feels really wrong.
Simon and Daph's sex is so short. The man lasts fifteen seconds to fifty seconds max. Like holy crap. I get they are in love but for a dude known as a rake you'd think he'd last at least a couple minutes. And I know its a show and they can't show the whole shebang and all that but the only way to show the sex is by having it suck? I don't understand. And to nearly fuck in front of your staff? And more than once? Crazy.
But I have good things to say to.
She is such a crazy bitch. I love it. Crashing your brother and your borderline boyfriend’s duel to get the boyfriend to marry you is just insane behavior. And to be mad that they shot in her direction when she decided to get in the middle of it! Girl! I am glad you are married now but come on. You could have stopped and yelled.
I really love the ball Simon and Daphne kiss for the first time. It’s so weird but I really like that. And to have this occurrence of ruining happen at it I think it’s nice. And the chemistry those two have… Insane. The better than most shows. And they complement each other really well. I know that that is the point in a romance, but the show really excels.
I also feel really bad for the prince because he did really seem to like Daphne. It was just she was so caught up with Simon and I think that if Simon wasn’t in the picture, she would’ve married him. And I still think she would’ve been very happy. I think the girl had two really good options.
And she is a good big sister. She knows that all everyone wants from her is marriage and takes it seriously. She knows that what she does will effect of Eloise could get married. And she tries to be supportive. I just really love how she is written when she is allowed to have more agency then bowing behind a door.
And now the subject of the assault.
When it comes to the sex scene where Daph is on top... I really hate it. Like a lot... But a big problem with romance is the subject of assault. (I am not talking about books where women are clearly assaulted or dark romance at all. I think that is a fine genre and many people who write them are dealing with their own trauma and deserve a healthy outlet to do so.)
Many women are raised to have really unhealthy ideas about sex and marriage. And even as we evolve as a society, we still keep those idea. A common one is martial rape, another is victim blaming. And there are so many. To the point that there is a lot of misinformation about assault and consent. This is a fault of romance because it is the fault of society and how it fails to protect women. And if women are not told what proper consent, then anything they write will have themes of that as well.
And unfortunately, Bridgerton falls in that category. The moment in question does have dubious consent and I hate it. Daph goes in clearly to get him to finish inside of her knowing he doesn’t want to. The only verbal retraction is really weak. Its two barely audible “wait”s and I couldn’t really make them out without subtitles. And then Simon is more worried about the pregnancy than his own agency. And in the book- which is 24 years old now- Simon cares less about his lack on consent and more on how it brings out his stutter. Which is somehow worse. I don’t know. I just really dislike it.
It really sucks that many women don’t properly understand consent and how that understanding can be passed to others unknowingly.
What Daph did was not okay. But this is a fault that is not hers but of the writers. It should have been written out or written much differently. But the romance genre is making strides and becoming much better with the topic of consent.
(And I would like to say that as someone who has been assaulted, I wish that any discussion under this post please refrain from talking about it. I really don’t want to see people arguing about it.)
Some little things that don't matter:
Also in Ep 7 at about 14 minutes in they have this fucked up looking door.
And the baby in the last few minutes... That is a fresh ass baby. Like a couple days old. I will never understand how that is legal.
I love the bright regency of it all. Its so cute. I don't care if it is unrealistic but I love it.
I know some people dislike that Daph has a boy first and not a girl but I think it is really thematically relevant so I don't mind.
The gossip scene... I love women.
I'll do Season 2 and Queen Charlotte soon. I love this series so damn much.
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2024.05.08 23:25 grierhatesreddit My Eighth Grade Diary Entry. Wow. What do ya'll think? LIGHT TW

I was looking through my stuff from middle school, and found my old diary. There are many concerning entries but this one stuck out to me.
"Dear diary,
Right now I am 14 years old and we haven't talked in a while. I hate my body. Sometimes, when I'm changing or taking a shower I forget to close the door to my room. I swear, I genuinely forget because all I'm thinking about is quickly changing or showering. Today, I was changing in my room and mom and dad came up the stairs. When my mom passed my room, I scrambled to find some clothes to cover my body and she didn't comment. Then, dad came up and I did the same thing except I guess he assumed I wasn't covered up because he made a sound like he had seen something. Then mom said "She covered up but uncovered for you, that's really weird." Immediately, I felt sick. Her insinuating that I was trying to show my dad my b00bs makes me want to k!ll myself. This is my daddy. The same one that changed my diapers as a baby, and wiped me as a toddler. Sexualizing our relationship makes me want to die. How could she ever say that about me? As if i'm trying to seduce him. I am his baby, she shouldn't think there could ever be a universe where he would think of me as anything but that. And he doesn't. I hate my body already and I'm hating it more because of this. I feel like a slut. She's changing my relationship with dad. I'm so drained."
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http://rodzice.org/