I've been with my boyfriend since 2015. It hasn’t been an easy relationship (definitely some low periods), but he’s always insisted that I’m the one he wants to spend the rest of his life with, to the extent that in 2021 he chose a job in a part of the country he doesn’t particularly like so that he could stay close to me while I finished school. Still, that job was ~3 hrs away, so we’ve been long-distance for over 2.5 years.
At the beginning of this year, I moved even further away for a postdoc position. I moved to a major city where his company had a location so I thought he could transfer, but it turns out he’d work remotely for his old location if he were to move here (we didn’t know this at the time I accepted the position because he didn’t investigate it). He was clear from the start though that he doesn’t like this city, but he also insisted I not factor him into my decision when accepting the job. At the time I was suspicious of that; things weren’t going smoothly relationship-wise in part because I was stressed finishing my degree, so I figured maybe he wanted to breakup and was hoping the longer distance would cause me to leave him. Accepting this job created an undercurrent of resentment when things were already rocky. I kept him from seeing me all Aug-Dec because we were suddenly arguing so much that I didn’t want him to interfere with me finishing my degree. Generally, it was going so poorly (and he was being so absent/unsupportive) that I decided I would break up with him once I finished school; I figured even if he did move to the new city with me, he’d be so miserable and resentful that things wouldn’t work out.
In December though, he came to me apologetic about not being supportive and insisted that he wanted to live together, would move soon, and not be resentful about it. He’s super good at his job so his employers were very open to him working remotely but we both know that doing so will negatively impact him (putting aside the mental health aspect of working from home, he wouldn’t be able to accept certain opportunities/responsibilities if working from afar). I tried to alleviate some of my bf’s worries by encouraging him to spend half of every month in his current city so that he wouldn’t have to work entirely from home (cost of travel is a non-issue for him).
My problem is that he originally promised he would move here by the end of March. A certain work deadline got pushed back (not uncommon for him), so I understood him needing until April, but in April he said he wants to wait until end of August to move. His current lease ends in Aug but he claims that date was chosen according to his work/case schedule. He doesn’t even like where he currently lives; I suspect that because his sense of self is wrapped into being a high achiever, he’s anxious about not progressing in his career as quickly as he would if he moved to be near me. For this reason, I’m not convinced he would even move in August. His deadline to move has already moved twice; I’m worried he’ll come up with another excuse (e.g. “well now you only have a year left in your contract—no point in me moving for just a year!”) and never move here (i.e. wait until I find my next location, and also limit where that next location is).
Meanwhile, I’m miserable here in the new city (like actually clinically depressed I think, despite my meds). The nature of my position is isolating and I’ve seen him for 6 days total (2 visits) since January. I feel like the rug was pulled out from under me when he asked for more time; I was really looking forward to finally building our life together after being long distance for so long. We only really lived together when we were in our early and mid-20s, and it didn’t go well back then. I want to live together asap not just because I wouldn’t have to be as lonely, but because we can’t move forward until we see how well we get along sharing a space now that we’re more mature. We’re already in our 30s and we’d both like kids (he’s desperate for kids even more than me); these delays aren’t helping us meet our mutual goals.
I’m so angry and hurt by this request, and I don’t trust him to stick to his word and even move in August. He says that 4 months is nothing considering the big picture and that I’m being unreasonable (he’s the one, after all, who must make the sacrifice to move; points out that I don’t have to do anything in this situation, I’m the one who took this job, etc), but I’m getting increasingly concerned he’s just wasting my time/fertile years. I know nobody knows the intricacies of us and our relationship, but am I being foolish for wanting to break up over this?
TLDR; moved even further away from already long-distance boyfriend. Bf keeps using work as an excuse to not move, but claims he’ll move in August. I’m not convinced that he will, and don’t know if I should leave him.

Sorry for the length of this, trying my best to clearly explain everything.
About two months ago, my boyfriend and I both started new jobs. We’ve lived together previously but currently do not, I live with my parents and three months ago he moved into his first apartment. This is the first time we’ve lived separately from each other while both being employed, so it was expected that we would come across some obstacles to start.
My initial concern began when I started to notice how withdrawn he seemed from our conversations. Gradually as we spoke on the phone, he showed less and less interest in our conversations. We had an agreement before to call each other twice a day that he had set up, I wasn’t opposed to the idea but despite it being what he wanted he seemed to have a lot of trouble keeping up with this. I wouldn’t mind talking once a day, every other day, or just sending a quick ‘I love you’ text, but he doesn’t like texting and insisted that this would work. Between our work schedules this wasn’t ideal for either of us, and despite asking him repeatedly if he wanted to change this, he again said it was fine. Now at this point, it’s a once a day call, and while I don’t mind this at all, it wasn’t communicated whatsoever. It felt like it just happened. When I realized it had gotten to this point I was more frustrated that we couldn’t have just simply said “hey let’s do a daily call” instead of repeatedly asking him if this was genuinely working for us.
Part of the reason this bothered me was because there would be an increasing number of conversations where he would say little to nothing, be generally unresponsive, just not present at all. Even now with a once a day chat, it feels like this. I don’t understand what the point is, I get being tired after work because good grief I’m exhausted after being on my feet all day after an eleven hour shift but hey, if you don’t want to talk, don’t call me. Or call me when you WANT to talk, not out of obligation to fulfill a schedule that you can’t keep up with. He knows I’ve never been keen on this and would be fine not talking every day, so I don’t understand why he’s pushing this when he doesn’t even seem interested in talking.
Another aspect that was upsetting was that he would call, talk about himself for a majority of the conversation, and not ask a singular question about me. Not a how are you, how was your day, how’s work. I started withdrawing after this and kept our conversations short because frankly it was just getting sad and awkward. I don’t want to and never expected to feel awkward with my partner of four years. The only way I knew how to interpret this was that he was giving me very clear signals that he wanted space so I gave it to him. I know sometimes conversations might lean heavier on one person more than the other, but I don’t want constantly to be a dumping ground for him, or to feel talked at, and especially as if whoever I’m talking to doesn’t care enough to ask me how I’m doing. I wouldn’t even call it a conversation at that point.
When I brought this up to him he said it was unfair to treat him like this and do what he did to me back to him, and said that he was tired after working so much and talking all day and that he didn’t really want to talk much but he would rather listen. I replied by saying that if this is what’s up then great, maybe ask about how I am and I’ll have something to say to you because I want to feel like I don’t know like you actually want to talk or that you care about what’s going on with me. He said “you know I care, I shouldn’t have to always ask how you are for you to talk. Just start saying something about yourself.” I tried to see his side and took this as an opportunity to do just that. Frankly maybe I’m not adjusting to this well but he still seems so distant. We have talked more and he’s put in effort to our conversations but they feel so flat, it’s like he’s never entirely there.
The other big issue we’re dealing with is hanging out. I’m borrowing my parents car because mine recently stopped working, he doesn’t have a car and walks to work. While I did have my car, it was getting to a point where I was the only one going to his place. I understand not wanting to be around your partners parents, but I’ve had plenty of opportunities where the house is empty and we have our own space. His reason though, when he told me he didn’t want to come over to my place is because there’s “bad energy”. He’s very spiritual/religious and is fully committed to his beliefs but I just. Is there just an expectation I always drive to you? When I don’t even have my own car? When this was discussed he said he’d be open to the idea of splitting an Uber for when I come over or to meet me somewhere but seemed reluctant. Like the last time we had plans, “I just don’t want to spend money on an Uber or for you to go to to trouble if finding a ride just so you can stay a night. I work tomorrow at ten and I have to do my morning routine and go to bed early so.” Self care is great, I’m fully there, I’m very particular and do not skip out on any of my own routines. But frankly if I want to see someone I’m willing to rearrange something or do it soonelater, whatever it is, to see them. If I want to I will and I can and I am set on making it happen. I know this is a big adjustment for him, we’ve both been out of work for around a year now, so it’s not like he’s in this change alone. Maybe I’m not adjusting well, but it’s so frustrating to feel like I’m putting in effort to something and getting nothing reciprocated. My job is very physically demanding, the hours are long, it’s dirty and it’s extremely tiring. My dad just moved in with my mom and I, he’s sick with cancer and I have gotten barely any sleep at night because I can hear him moaning as he rests. My money is tight, my nerves are fried, and I have a lot to keep up with, but I’ve still put in my effort and energy to see him, talk to him, listen to what he says and ask about him and show him the extent of how much I care. He called me last week in a rare talkative mood and filled me in on so many details of his life that I’ve apparently missed in the month I haven’t seen him and I just felt so uninvolved with him. He’s out with his friends, he’s going to bars and concerts and getting dinner and having what sounds like a really good time. Of course I’ve kept in mind that they all go to see him or pick him up, he doesn’t Uber to anyone or gets a ride from his roommate if he really needs something.
We’ve had a lot of ups and downs, and it feels so stupid to have to end a relationship over this honestly. There have been so many other issues we’ve overcome that were far bigger than this, and it hurts to think that this is why it had to end. Over something that could so easily be fixed. I can’t tell if I’m already on edge and not thinking clearly, maybe we need more time to adjust to this and I’m inpatient. I’ve tried to talk to him about this and he doesn’t seem to get it or take this seriously. I’m at a loss .
TLDR : my boyfriend isn’t showing up for our relationship anymore and I don’t want to regret leaving him if he just needs time to adjust to a new lifestyle.

This is the first time I have written something of this length, and is more of an exercise in self-therapy than anything else. Disclaimer: This story contains conversations about child abuse. Thanks for reading! I hope you enjoy it.
Nathan’s number appeared on my phone screen. I debated whether or not to answer it. We hadn’t been on speaking terms for a while, and while we did keep in touch sporadically, it was usually because of important family issues. I didn’t know of anything happening with mom or dad, nor with Talia or Rio, so I let it go to voicemail. I could always call him back later. I placed the phone back in my pocket, and returned to cleaning my camera. The phone buzzed again. A text message came through. I read the preview line from the home screen. “The city declared eminent domain on the house” I unlocked my phone, read the full text message, and dialed my brother.
I wasn't able to get any closer to the house than a few blocks. Most of the area was blocked off with chain link fencing and construction equipment in preparation for the demolition that was supposed to take place within the coming days. The barriers didn’t prevent people from walking in to the neighborhood, but it hindered scrappers from coming in and stripping the houses of copper wiring and plumbing.
I grabbed my camera bag out of the trunk of my car along with my tripod. I shouldered it and hooked the tripod to my bag. I pulled my water bottle out of the center console and shut the door. I stood next to my car surveying the neighborhood. 12 city blocks of old single family homes comprised the neighborhood where I grew up. Some of the houses had been empty for months, others for years. There was an eerie silence that permeated the still air. I could not hear the familiar sounds of people, pets, or cars. I locked the car and put my keys in my pocket. I patted my jacket down to ensure I had what I needed. After a quick check, I started my walk.
The sidewalk of the old neighborhood streets still bore the familiar cracks and grind marks from years of buckling and remedy. Leaves dropped by the trees still lay scattered all along the pathways and sidewalk. Korina’s house was the first house I encountered as I made my way through a gap in the fence. The yard was overgrown with tall grass and thistle. I could see the faded blue paint of the old house contrasting the green and browns of the lawn. The chain link fence that marked off the corner property was nearly invisible through the thick brush. As I continued walking west towards 110th, I started to feel something was off. The streets seemed wider than I remembered. It took me longer than I’d like to admit, but eventually I realized what was different. There were no cars.
The streets here typically had cars lined bumper to bumper in any spot available, and were visible from block to block. The absence of all these vehicles made me realize just how deserted the neighborhood really was. House after house, yard after yard, the telltale signs of desertion reinforced what I could see from the moment I passed the construction fence: This was no longer my neighborhood. There were no signs of life, and no one I could expect to find still here. Abandonment was the new normal here. I continued on, glancing at houses and recalling memories of summer bike rides, and daily walks with dogs I used to have. I remembered walks home from school, and chasing after ice cream trucks when they passed our houses. I smiled a bit as I remembered more and more of my years spent here. I don’t quite know just why I was smiling. There were plenty of bad memories here too. Fights, yelling, being beat up, being robbed. I could remember failed friendships, lost loves, and bitter feelings of failures too.
Still, I felt a certain amount of nostalgia despite the weight of these negative feelings. I almost wanted to experience everything again, although I wasn't sure why I was feeling this way. Concrete, asphalt, billboards and liquor stores were the normal vistas of everyday life. Occasionally, after a good rainstorm, the grey haze of smog would lift, and the mountains would be visible to the north. At least, they would be visible until mid-morning when the exhaust from a million cars covered them behind a veil of pollution.
It wasn’t until the first time I travelled out of the city that I realized there was more to see. Traveling up the coast north along the Pacific Coast Highway introduced me to scenes of deep blue ocean water spanning the width of my vision. Driving up Highway 3 introduced me to the permeating scent of Pine and Fir trees. The two-lane stretch of highway from Portland to Tillamook introduced me to lush green forests that I had only ever read about. When I came home to the same old dirty, dusty concrete and boiling summer asphalt, I had made up my mind. I would do everything it took to leave this place. I would not spend another day longer than was necessary living in cramped quarters and fighting for parking space.
I arrived to the house, and paused at the gate. The house sat in contrast of what the rest of the neighborhood looked like. Instead of overgrown grass and tall weeds all over the place, the landscaping showed signs of relatively recent work. The guava tree in the front lawn still had some fruit ready to be picked, and the avocado tree on the other side of the pathway was still weighed down by its own fruit. Flowers still bloomed in the raised bed in front of the house. My brother had clearly tried to keep up on things until the last possible moment. The house, too, looked better than what I expected after walking up 4 blocks and seeing nothing but dilapidated houses and unkempt yards. I opened the gate and walked up to the small porch. The metal gate that enclosed it was gone having been removed by my brother when he took over the property. It looked nice to see it open instead of the cage it once felt like.
I turned the knob on the door, but it didn't give. Ever a creature of habit, my brother had locked the door when he left. Of course, he did. I sighed and prepared to find another way in when I remembered my parents hiding a spare key. I wasn’t sure if it would still be there, but after running my hands along the back side of the gutter downspout, I was rewarded for my efforts. I unlocked the front door and stepped into the front living room, the sounds of my footsteps and the closing door echoing in the empty space. The room felt both larger and smaller than I remembered it. I suppose it was lack of furniture that made it feel larger, but it still felt smaller than I remember. The result of growing taller throughout the years I suppose. I slowly walked along the slate tile floor towards the central hallway that connected the front of the house to the back bedrooms. I wasn't entirely sure that just because the front door was locked, that there wasn't some squatter looking for a little temporary shelter within the back rooms. I carefully and silently crept step by step towards what used to be the bedroom shared by my sister and me. I stuck my head in and gave the room a cursory glance. It was empty, thankfully. I moved back into the hallway and peered into the bedroom across the hall. This is where both of my brothers had shared a room. It too, was empty save for a few boxes holding hardware and doorknobs from the closet doors of the bedroom. I walked back towards the back of the house where my parent's bedroom was. The walls in the hallway bore the dusty signs where picture once hung. The bedroom door was open. I stepped inside, and looked around. The old avocado paint that my mom had picked out years ago still adorned the walls. Walking further towards the addition that was the small room my grandma and grandpa lived in showed that there was no one here. I breathed a sigh of relief as I set my bag down and set up my tripod. I reached into my bag a pulled out an envelope of old photos. These were old snapshots that we had all taken at some point in time in the house. There were pictures of all of us sitting at the dining room table playing a game of Monopoly. There was a picture of my brother and sister sitting on a couch in the front living room. There was a picture of me hanging on the bars of the front porch. I looked through them all and held them in place in front of me as if I were holding a window to the past.
Each picture made the lump in my throat grow as I started to struggle to control my emotions. There was history here, and soon it would all be gone. This is the place where my parents had raised four kids. They had taken care of my grandparents in their twilight years here. My Aunt and my grandmother had both died in this house. Birthdays, graduation parties, and anniversaries had been celebrated here. The echoes of life had reverberated within the walls of this place. Now, the house sat silent. It would never again know happy screams of kids having a water-balloon war out in the front yard, nor would it hear the cries of anguish as the matriarch of the family passed away surrounded by her family. What once was a home full of life was now just an empty house made of drywall and paint. I sat there for a moment contemplating just how much family history was actually made here. As I thought hard about my siblings and my parents, I felt pained at the thought of our strained relationships. We had all scattered once we had the opportunity to be free of each other. My oldest brother had married and moved away as soon as possible. My sister now lived in northern California. My parents too had moved away. I was now living in Utah. Only my older brother had remained behind. The lump grew larger in my throat as tears welled up in my eyes. I held back sobs of anger and pain. Why was I hurting? Hadn’t I dealt with these issues already? I walked back to my old bedroom and sat down under the window. I pulled my head down into my knees and cried. I could hear yelling and screaming in my head. Shouting matches between siblings and parents, brothers and sister, rattled inside my brain, making the pain grow. I sat there and cried. I hadn’t cried like this in a long time. Eventually I ran out of tears and tired gasps of sorrow and regret washed over me as a blanket of drowsiness enveloped me. I leaned my head back and fell asleep.
I woke up to the sound of footsteps. It took me a moment to realize what I was hearing and hurriedly stood up. Had someone followed me? I knew the police were patrolling the area sporadically. Had they seen me enter the house? I knew there would be a possibility of getting a trespassing citation, but I figured I could either talk my way out of it seeing as to how I was a former resident, or I could probably fight the citation in court if the judge knew why I was there in the first place. Ultimately, passing through the gate had been a calculated risk that I was willing to take for the sake of my art. I got up from my corner of the room and moved towards the door. If there was someone in the house, I needed to know. I didn’t want my gear to stolen, and if there was a cop in the house, I wanted to ensure I didn’t get shot.
I was greeted by the sight of a startled chubby boy standing on the other side of the door. His round cherubic face was crowned by a head of short curly hair. His hazel green eyes stared widely back at me. He clearly didn’t expect someone to be here in the house. His body recoiled in fear as he cowered back towards the hallway. “Wait, what are you doing here?” I asked as non-threateningly as I could. The boy muttered something that I couldn’t quite make out. “What did you say? I couldn’t hear you” I replied. “Are you here to rob us?” he timidly responded. “Rob you? What are you talking about?” I asked as confusion set in. “What are you doing here?” It was his turn to be confused. “Uh…I….live here?” he replied. “What do you mean you live here? No one lives-“I stopped midsentence. I hadn’t noticed in my initial shock but the room wasn’t the same. A familiar blue couch caught the corner of my eye. In front of that was an old console TV with a partially broken antenna hanging on the wall behind it. I walked further in to the living room to notice wood paneling on the walls. A large mirror hung on the wall to my left. Familiar yellow lamps sat on round drop-leaf tables on either side of the couch. A large hutch sat in one corner, a collection of letters and bills, mail advertisements, and a phone book covered scattered over it. “What just happened?” I asked out loud to no one in particular. I was thoroughly mystified by what my eyes were seeing. I had walked into the house from the front door and had stepped into an empty white room with slate floor tiles, but somehow now found myself in a furnished room with brown carpet that was all so familiar to me, yet was nothing but a distant faded memory. I turned to look at the boy still startled by the intrusion of a strange man looking wildly around the room in total shock.
“You can take what you want, just please let me go. I don’t want problems.” He stated his voice still shrill with anxiety. I blinked a few times as I tried to process just what the heck was going on. I gathered my thoughts as best I could and tried to reassure him. “Kid, I’m not here to rob anyone. I was just-“I shook my head “Where the hell am I? Am I having a dream?” I asked myself. “I must be dreaming. I’m just tired and still sleeping. This is all a dream. Yeah, that’s it.” I needed to sit down. Being back in the old house must have overtaxed my senses, I told myself. I’d having a dream about an old memory. I walked over to the chair next to the couch and sat down. I sunk into it and rested my head back towards the wall.
The boy kept his distance, but sensed I wasn’t there to hurt him. He looked me over with anxious curiosity. He stood at the far end of the couch, examining me while he played out scenarios in his head in preparation for a quick exit. “Why are you in my house?” he asked me. “Dude, this is all just a dream I’m having. I’m not really here.” He reached over to the couch and picked up a pillow. He reared his arm and threw it at me. It landed in my lap. “I don’t know, man. You sure seem to be here.” He said to me. I opened my eyes, startled. I looked down at the pillow he tossed and examined it. I ran my hand over the fabric and felt its texture. I remember this pillow. This was the pillow I would roll under my head as I lay on the couch and watched TV as a kid. A sudden realization hit me as I looked around the room with fresh eyes. No longer was I blinded by the fog of confusion. I knew exactly where I was.
I was home.
I looked at the boy still standing at the edge of the couch. I looked him over and realized who he actually was. I stared in disbelief as I smiled and tried to put him at ease. “It’s ok Johnny. I’m not here to hurt you. No one is going to hurt you. Please, sit down” I told him. I motioned to his end of the couch. “Who are you, and why are you here?” he asked me.
“This will be hard to believe, but I’m you” I said with an incredulous tone, “I’m not sure how I ended up here, but I’m here.” He looked at me as I had grown a second head. “That doesn’t make any sense. How could you be me? Did we invent time travel? Oh! Are we secret government agents with the CIA?”
I chuckled. “Wait, wait, wait. Let’s start at the beginning. I’m you at 38 years old. You’re…what, 11… 12 years old? It makes sense. I fell asleep under the window in my- our old bedroom. I didn’t come here on purpose or in a machine. And no, I’m not a government agent.” His face contorted to display understanding, disappointment and finally suspicion. His eyes narrowed as he leaned in towards me. “How do I know you’re really me?” he asked. I thought about it for a moment. How could I prove to him that I was who I said I was? A few seconds of silence settled between us. I stroked my chin, thinking of a solution.
“I have a better idea. Ask me questions that only you know the answers to.” “Okay” he responded. He glanced around the room trying to come up with something. His eyes fixated on the Nintendo sitting under the TV cabinet. “What game do me and Nathan have a map of?” I looked over at the NES. I hadn’t thought about this for years, but I knew instantly what he was asking. “YOU don’t have anything. Nathan is the one that made the map for Section Z” His jaw dropped. He tried to trick me, but his plan failed. He knew well and good that Nathan never let him play. It was always ‘I’ll let you play when I die’ or, ‘you can play when I’m done’. The problem was that he never followed through. Usually by the time Nathan was done, the NES was overheated, and the game would no longer load until it cooled down. By that point, it was time for bed.
“How do you know that?” he asked in astonishment. “I know these things because I’m you. Just like I know that you wear t-shirts to the pool because you’re embarrassed by what others will think of your body. I know that you used to think that people that die off in movies were prisoners that were set to be executed from death row, so they used them for making movies. I know all about you because I’m you”
Johnny sat on the end of the couch in bewilderment, his mouth slightly agape. He had never told anyone any of this. He didn’t have any close friends to talk to about such things, and those friends he did have were more acquaintances than friends. There was only one way he could possibly know these things. He was talking to his future self.
I could see Johnny’s mind completely explode. There lay endless possibility and the answers to a million questions he could ask about his own future. He started to ask a question, only to stop, close his mouth, and try asking another. I knew if he kept this up he would have a stroke or something. “Dude, calm yourself. Let’s talk this out rationally, otherwise you’ll end up stroking out or something.” I told him. He took a deep breath and I could hear him muttering quietly. I knew he was trying to form a coherent sentence before he actually spoke it. I did it all the time. “Ok, first of all, are we rich?” he asked with tempered expectation. I chuckled and grinned back at him. “No, not at all. If I was rich, would I be dressed like this?” I replied as I motioned to my beat up brown Vans and worn out jeans and T-shirt. “We-, I – make enough to get by. I’m not poor, but I earn enough to pay the bills.” His face grew a smirk as he commented “Yeah, I figured. What do I do for work? I mean, what do you do for work?” I thought about it for a second. I wondered how much information I should divulge to a younger me. I still didn’t think this whole situation was really happening, but if it was, I probably should proceed with caution. “Well, it’s complicated. I do a little bit of everything. You know how you’re constantly taking things apart? Let’s just say that it’s good to put them back together in order to keep them working. Take good notes on paper if you need to, and make sure you have a clean work area so you can keep track of all the parts.” He gave me a sheepish look. He knew exactly what I was talking about. I had spent countless hours sneaking dad’s tools to my room so I could figure out how something was built and try to figure out how it worked. I had gotten myself into some pretty bad trouble with dad over a drill, his timing light, and other stuff I had taken from his room. His belt had become quite familiar with my butt cheeks.
I gave him a knowing smile. “What else do you want to know?” He thought about it for a second. “Do we have a girlfriend?” I laughed, probably a little more than I should have because his face contorted into a sour frown. “You don’t need to be a jerk about it” he scowled. I continued to chuckle. “Yeah we have a girlfriend. We have more than a girlfriend” I could tell he was irritated with my vague indirect answers. I knew what he was asking. I remember the crush I had on my neighbor across the street. We had been friends since kindergarten, and had been classmates for 1st, 2nd, and 4th grades. We got along really well, and I knew from around 12 or 13 that I wanted to be her boyfriend. Unfortunately, things never progressed beyond the ‘just friends’ stage of things. It wasn’t from lack of effort on my part. We had just grown up together most of our lives that she didn’t see me as anything more than a brother and friend. “Dude, look. You just started to go through changes and you are starting to notice girls, but that doesn’t mean that you need to love every girl that shows you a little kindness or subtle interest. You need to slow down and let things happen naturally. You can’t force a relationship with someone.” Johnny pondered these words for a moment. I sat back and put my feet up on the coffee table. I looked around the room some more while I waited for another question. There was so much I had forgotten, but being back here had unlocked more and more memories that continued to wash over me. I was trying to hold on to my cool as not all those churned up recollections were pleasant. I stood up and walked over to the front door to peer outside the small central window embedded into the center of it. I could see the old neighborhood as I remembered it all those years ago. The lot across the street that served as a parking area for those that worked at the wheel works at the end of the block was empty of cars. I furrowed my brow as I thought for a moment. An empty lot meant it was afterhours or the weekend.
The gears in my own head started turning. “Wait, where is everyone?” I asked Johnny. Johnny turned to look at me still processing my last response. “Uh..oh, Mom and dad are out of town. They took a trip east this time. I think Rio said they are in Arizona right now. Rio and Nathan went out to get some food and to rent some movies from Video Showcase. Knowing them they’ll eat out first. Talia is staying over at Tia Rosie’s place today with her friends.” I grunted at his response. My mind was wandering as he mentioned Talia and Tia Rosie.
A sudden sharp pain pieced my heart. The pain of a thousand memories now unsealed spilled out from the box I had locked them away in. Tears welled in the corners of my eyes as I turned back to look at Johnny. He felt it too. He stared at the floor with an intensity that made me think it would burst into flames at any moment. I walked back over to him and sat next to him. He didn’t move. I placed my hand on his shoulder, and he threw himself into me. I could feel the tears dripping onto me as he sobbed intensely. “Hey man, its ok. It’s going to be ok.” I said as my own tears started to flow uncontrollably. I pulled him close and draped my other arm around him.
I knew the pain he was feeling. It was such a heavy burden, and I knew there was no one he felt he could talk to. I remembered it all so vividly. We sat there for what seemed to be an eternity. When we finally stopped sobbing, and our noses ran dry, we tried to breathe our way through to calmness. I got up and knelt in front of him. “Johnny, listen to me and remember what it is that I’m about to say to you. You are stronger than you think. You are stronger than you believe. NO ONE should ever have to go through this. Just because it happened to Talia, doesn’t mean you have to put up with it any longer. I know you didn’t think it was wrong, but I’m telling you that what she is doing to you is wrong. Talking to mom and dad isn’t going to make them hate you. You are not doing this to her, she is doing it to you. I’m not making excuses for her, but she is also more damaged than anyone realizes, and she is also dealing with the same level of pain you are. Remember that we do unto others what has been done to us. That doesn’t mean we need to continue the cycle of abuse” The lump in my throat grew immense at my own statement. I swallowed it as best I could and continued “You are going to deal with this pain a little bit at a time, and you’ll slowly get over this. It’s like a broken bone. When it happens, you don’t realize how bad the pain is until the adrenaline wears off, but then the immense pain is there. Just remember that this will pass. Just like a broken bone, you will heal over time, and one day, you will realize that the pain is gone and the bone is no longer broken. You’ll remember the pain, but it won’t hurt anymore.”
Johnny sat there in stunned silence. I knew he didn’t have anyone to help him through this. He couldn’t talk to Rio or Nathan about what was going on. Mom and Dad were constantly working to keep the family fed and sheltered and while they provided materially for their kids, emotional help was less available. Perhaps it was due to their energies being divided into 4 kids, a mortgage and multiple jobs, or perhaps it was also the culture of not talking about problems. Either way, they needed to know what was happening. They wouldn’t be able to fix it otherwise. “They’re going to be mad at me” he finally said after a few moments of silence. “No they won’t be. They love us all. I know you’re not used to hearing it, but they do love you. Everything they do is because of their love for us. This isn’t your fault. You didn’t do anything wrong. Telling them isn’t going to cause them to be angry.” I thought for a moment to find a good analogy. “You love Odie and Lady, right?” He nodded in agreement. “Ok, how would you feel if you knew someone you trusted was coming to the house and beating up our dogs when we weren’t around?” He thought about it for a second before his face changed to anger. “I’d want to kill them!” “Yes, but would you also feel sad that you weren’t there to try to protect them?” I reasoned. His face changed again. He understood what I was saying. Mom and Dad would be angry, but not necessarily at him. They would also feel a great sadness knowing that someone was hurting their child.
I smiled at him. He understood. I nodded. “Dude…You’re going to come to understand that life is not what you think it will be. Life is messy and can change in an instant. The plans you make today may not make it to next week. A lifelong goal can be derailed because of something out of your control. Mom and dad have spent their life protecting us with the goal of keeping us safe, but circumstances out of their control have affected their kids, and now we- you all have to deal with the fallout. Just remember that you are not the culprit. Yes, mom and dad will be hurt and angry, but not at you. Trust them. They don’t do things to hurt us” Johnny hugged me. I- He didn’t have many people he could trust and open up to. He liked to talk a lot about everything going on in his life, no matter how trivial. Everything, except this. This was a shameful topic, and he didn’t feel like anyone would understand why he didn’t go to an adult sooner. The problem was simple. He simply didn’t understand that it was wrong. Now that he had an adult that he could talk to, himself no less, he wanted to lift this burden off his shoulders. He was happy to have found someone and he hugged me tightly. I hugged him back just at tightly. It wasn’t every day that I could meet my younger self and help to comfort them. “Thank you” he said to me.
The world darkened, and everything faded to black.
I lifted my head out of my knees and looked around. I was sitting under the window in my old bedroom again. Had I fallen asleep? I pulled my phone out of my pocket and checked the time. I was emotionally drained and incredibly tired. I hadn’t had sleep like that in years. I got to my feet and looked around the room briefly before walking out to mom and dad’s old room. I grabbed my camera and slowly walked the house, snapping picture after picture. The only sound to be heard was the sound of the camera shutter and my soft footsteps. I thought about my dream as I took pictures.
Upon entering my room, a random memory hit me.
The stash.
I was pretty sure I had taken the hidden box when I moved out all those years ago, but since I was here, I should double check. Heading into the closet, I pushed the panel that led to the attic space out of the way and peered in. I couldn’t see anything, so I reached up there to feel around. The box was indeed gone. I felt around for a few more seconds and was surprised to feel what felt like a thick envelope. I didn’t remember leaving anything up there, but after pulling it down and giving it a cursory glance, I figured it was an old envelope of lost love letters. It wasn’t until I blew off the thick layer of dust that I realized what I was holding. It was a letter. Not just any letter. It was addressed to me.
Under the now semi-cleared layer of dust were the words “To be opened by future me”. I looked at it for a few moments before opening it. I couldn’t remember making this at all, much less storing it up in my secret hiding spot. If ever I hid something, it was in the stash box. My hands shook a bit as I started to open the envelope and pulled out the yellowed pages inside. I started reading.
"Dear Future John. I have spent the last few years remembering a dream I had when I was younger. Life was…difficult at that time, and I spent a lot of time escaping my reality by reading a lot of books and watching a lot of TV. On the off-chance that what I think is a dream really happened. I wanted to write some things down in an effort to give you my thanks. I merely consider myself a conveyer of thanks, although I will pile on my own thanks to you for your words of encouragement. I remember finding a stranger in the house one day while I was home alone. I was afraid he was there to hurt me at first, but after a few moments, I came to realize I was meeting myself. Well, I was meeting me, but from the future. I think he said he was in his 40’s, but I couldn’t tell you with any certainty. Either way, we talked. We talked about life, and what the future held in store for us…
Mostly though, we talked about the abuse. Well, Talked is being generous. We cried, and then we talked. I don’t remember exactly what he told me, but I remember how he made me feel. He made me feel safe. I felt like I could trust him. Trust myself. In the end, he gave me the courage to stand up for myself both at home and at school. He also gave me the courage to talk to mom and dad about what was going on between me and Talia. I do remember being afraid that I would be punished, but he reassured me that they wouldn’t, and that they loved me.
It was a difficult and awkward conversation, but in the end, arrangements were made for me to share a room with Rio and Nathan. I didn’t have much of a relationship with Talia for a long while, but after some years, we managed to patch things up. She apologized to me, and I came to understand the abuse she herself was subjected to by so-called family friends. She didn’t tell me this in an effort to excuse it, but to merely help give me closure to a difficult time from my own childhood. Mom and dad promised to be more attentive to us and we sort of established what I guess you would call an open door policy. We talk more about stuff that’s happening in our lives. Mom is much easier to talk to now. Dad is a little more patient with us too. I apologized to them for not coming to them sooner, and dad gave me a “nugget of wisdom” that I think I’ll live by: We can’t fix what we don’t know is broken. I’ve tried to make sure I talk to them when something is wrong, and I’ve tried to implement that in my life so I don’t have problems with other people.
I’m trying to grow up to be a good guy. I want to have good relationships with people. Nathan says I’m turning into a people pleaser, but I don’t necessarily see that as a terrible thing. I know when to say no to someone. Well, either way, I wanted to make sure I thank you for the help you gave us. I probably won’t remember writing this, but I hope I do find it again someday. Here’s hoping I turn into the man I feel you are. -John Age 16."
I stared at the letter, the words blurring as tears welled up in my eyes. I quickly brushed them away as I quietly spoke to no one in particular. “Thanks guys. I hope I live up to your expectations” I folded the letter, placed it in my pocket, and walked out of the room. After picking up my backpack and tripod, I silently walked towards the front door, my footsteps echoing in the empty house. I turned to look back at the empty living room one last time, and after a moment, I walked out.

Student background: I have a student whose name I will change to Devon for privacy purposes. He is in third grade. Repeated 2nd. He has broken every rule in the book: Be Safe, Be Kind, Be Respectful, and Be Responsible. He is physically aggressive, verbally aggressive, elopes class multiple times daily, is often disrespectful, and is very disruptive. He has used every insult you can think of and it doesn’t matter if you’re a kindergartner or adult. He has said horrible things to almost everyone, steals from other students and then aggressively smashes their things for fun, has held freshly sharpened pencils to other students’ necks and asked them if they want to die, laughs mockingly at others, doesn’t listen to authority (in fact shows defiance and refusal if you tell him anything), doesn’t do any work, the list goes on and on and on. And issues happen ALL. DAY. EVERY. DAY. Not a day goes by without incident. Collectively as a school, the specialists teachers, admin, and I have documented as much as we could and it could very well be as thick as a Harry Potter book. Every teacher and staff member at my school sympathizes and agrees that he is super challenging, and they tell me even the most veteran teachers would struggle with him.
Now, for my background: I haven’t yet received an official diagnosis for PMDD but I have received one for bipolar (which I don’t think I have but it seems that there are many other women who have been misdiagnosed with bipolar in this community prior to their PMDD diagnosis) and was one criteria away from an official ADHD diagnosis.
I also tend to show extreme hormonal sensitivity every time I start a new pack of birth control every month and show a lot of irritability and anger and other mood swings and all of that happens again like clockwork before my period. I get…ragey. It almost cost my relationship with my boyfriend of seven years multiple times in the past. I’m better at managing my emotions with my partner and family but not at work… Teachers, you know how stressful this job is. We have to wear every hat and smile through all the disrespect and overwork and little pay. But we love kids and value education and that’s why we do this.
Anyway, I learned from Devon’s dad yesterday that his mom left the family when Devon was 3 years old. He is the youngest child in the family. His dad in our meeting yesterday also said that he believes his son is constantly seeking attention (in the most negative ways) to fill in this void and that’s why he acts out. The mom has had a strong presence in the older siblings lives and barely any in Devon’s life.
So, the story is… I have showed restraint and professionalism and bit my tongue since the third month of school and we have 6 actual school days left now. I almost got fired for lashing out at Devon once before. But I’ve ignored most of his behavior since the third month of school and let admin take care of it. Also note that I’m not coming back next year since my admin didn’t renew my teaching contract for not having good classroom management. End is near, not coming back anyway, my most well-behaved kids are acting unruly, had a medical emergency and a loss in the past month, and I’ve HAD IT with Devon’s nonsense. We just started eating breakfast this morning. School just began. And already, Devon and his bff Bruno are picking a fight with one of my most well-behaved students who I’ll call Sam. Devon’s laughing and egging my well-behaved student Sam to fight Bruno. Then my well-behaved student who is clearly done with Devon’s nonsense gets mad and gets in Devon’s face, ready to fight. Devon says to get out of his face and I’m OVER IT. I’m thinking, “WHY DOES THIS KID CAUSE PROBLEMS EVERY DAY?! SCHOOL JUST STARTED!” I walked past him and was someone else. I just started UNLEASHING upon him everything I’ve been holding back. He’s disrespectful, he’s mean, he causes problems every day, and I ended it with “and that’s why your mom left you when you were three.”
…………Not my finest moment.
I felt horrible after and thought, “Holy moly WHAT DID I DO…? How did I let myself say something like that?”
I apologized three times to him. He looked really sad. Whole third grade staff and third grade students and admin knows. Again they sympathize but tell me it still wasn’t cool. My boyfriend, same thing. Said he sympathizes and said I was probably better off just calling him dumb and ugly.
A colleague told me since my contract isn’t getting renewed that I should take a break from teaching for the sake of my mental health. But I don’t know what other careers to pursue that aren’t going to require tuition from a university again. I have a bachelor’s in psychology, an initial teaching license, and am struggling financially as it is. I need to make at least $50k a year pre-tax to keep up with my bills.
Yikes. Thoughts? Advice?
Edit: fixed typos and fixed fake names, whoops!

it’s been easy to only communicate to 1-2 people at once but even just being around more is just so overwhelming that i want to escape. for a little context i recently moved into my boyfriends parents place and i’ve been having such a hard time adjusting. when we are off work and being around him and his parents plus kids downstairs is so hard, i feel extremely uncomfortable like idk what to say or do, i feel like i stick out like a sore thumb so i’ve been isolating myself in the bedroom or leaving the house and going to my moms. i don’t do this every single time btw, there’s days that it feels a lot easier to deal with it and it makes me more sad and frustrated since i know i can be normal but i’m mostly not. it’s become an issue in my relationship because him and his parents think i have a problem with all of them even though i don’t. i try to make the example with how i feel, with a phone if there’s a lot of apps open it drains your battery quicker but if you close some out it won’t drain as quick but he says he understands that but at times during arguments about all this it seems like he doesn’t. he tells me i gotta put the work in which i don’t understand and i ask him to elaborate and he’ll tell me i’m just not willing to better myself even though i don’t want to be this way, i’ve always been this way since i was a kid. anyone else deal with this issue but found ways to manage or help with communicating? i have adhd too and i thought maybe the adderall they prescribed recently would help me especially with my chronic fatigue but it really hasn’t, along with antidepressants. i’m sick of feeling like being around is an issue to everyone even though i’m not actually and being so awkward and uncomfortable that i want to run away. i do talk to a counselor but she just tells me that i can’t be like that.

For context:
Me (F/24) and my boyfriend (M/23) have been together for 2.5 years and are getting engaged this year, so obviously we are very serious about each other. I think our relationship is great. It’s not perfect, we have had problems to work out but of course, I’m not under the impression that anyone’s is. One problem in particular was that I found out that he was not always truthful or forthcoming about things. He had kept things from me in the past, we almost broke up over it, but we decided to stay together and work through it since he didn’t cheat on me and it was more of an actual honesty problem.
In particular though, I found out he was texting another girl (F/23) and deleting the messages. So, obviously, I confronted him about it because why would he hide messages between him and another girl. He said that it was because they were just talking as friends but he knew I wouldn’t like it. Our feelings about having close friends of the opposite sex were pretty well established to me, as he had always agreed but apparently, he didn’t really agree deep down. He swears it wasn’t anything more than friendly. We both had very traumatizing infidelity between our parents where we were the ones who caught them, so I can’t believe he would ever cheat. We both had agreed we would literally rather die than put the other person through that. (His dad actually left their family after he was confronted with his infidelity to my boyfriend’s mom in high school and they do not speak to each other anymore- so really, it’s that serious).
So, knowing that I’m jaded and anxious about the topic already, he just hid it instead of being honest. It really hurt. We’ve talked about it a million times. He knows it hurt. He knows that the issue was that he hid something from me because he knew I wouldn’t like it, not that I thought he was cheating. Although, frankly, I guess I will really never know and it does keep me up some nights.
So, I told him I don’t want him keeping close company with this girl but I found out last weekend that she still texts him. I snooped through his phone and freaked out. I immediately admitted to him that I snooped and asked why he still talks to her (especially because her messages feel clear to me that she likes him, even if she doesn’t say anything that would cross the line. She calls him “loser” and just constantly texts him stuff that I think is flirtacious. It’s not very full conversations, he keeps his responses short and polite. It got to me anyways.
So I came on aggressive about it and told him I hate her and want him to block her. He did and reassured me. I immediately regretted it. I don’t want to be jealous and controlling and I want to trust him. I told him all of this and said he should unblock her because it will only create more unnecessary drama and that it was out of line anyways for me to ask him to do that. He said he didn’t care what she thought and would happily keep her blocked but I told him not to (selfishly, I also felt this would’ve been another excuse for her to talk to him and that it would’ve made me look bad and crazy and insecure ((which was true when I said it)))
So, he unblocked her and said that he would handle it. ”If she keeps texting, I’ll tell her to back off in a nice way”. I told him I will trust him to handle it and apologized profusely for snooping and freaking out and being out of line. He assured me that he doesn’t hold it against me because he is the one who broke trust first and that I am welcome to look through his phone if that’s what I need to feel better.
I told him that I appreciate it but I don’t want to snoop through his phone. That’s how I caught my dad cheating. It comes from an ugly part of me. I just want to trust him freely and snooping through his phone will never let me build real trust.
I’m writing all of this because I need guidance from outsiders. It’s still all upsetting to me. I feel bad about what I did and how I reacted. Those bad feelings are dredging up all the other bad feelings. I’ll never know what was in those deleted messages. I hate that I told him to block her and I hate that he didn’t already do it on his own and that he ever responds to her messages after we literally almost broke up over him texting her. I hate that I feel so jealous and that I looked insecure. I hate that there’s a possibility that he is really talking to this girl and hiding it from me.
I don’t want to be jealous and controlling but he did something that made it weird (and with this same girl no less). Is it weird for another girl to try to get to know my boyfriend? Is that normal? Should I stop or should I be worried? We picked out an engagement ring already and I know that he’s going to propose to me in July because we have something meaningful happening then. I just need to get this all out of me and reflected on before I put his ring on my finger. We have talked about it Many times but i just don’t have peace on this subject and now it’s come up again. Please tell me your thoughts and advice including how I should’ve handled this situation and what I should do moving forward. Appreciate it.

(These are notes I've sent to my friends during class) me (16f) ex (16m)
context: the way i would "tell him" that i like him is through a note that i wrote to him but havent gave him yet

1

recently, in class, he's been like super close to me, also the fact that I insult him like everyday and he doesn't care AND I was doing a BuzzFeed quiz and he was standing like right behind me and put his arm over me to answer questions (ABOUT ME) also my dad is obsessed w/ him (he has the pic of us from hoco on his nightstand AND his office at work) but his mom also LOVES me... AND from what i heard from his friends, I'm the ONLY girl he's treated right.
ex: the 1st girl he was with, he always bullied her, then me nothing bad happened, then he was dating this 21yo and he like emotionally and mentally abused her, and the girl after that, he was just an a hole to her.

2

so in class yesterday, I was talkin' 'bout how I think guys w' curly hair are attractive. But I only told this to 3 of my friends who don't even talk to my ex/anyone else in the class abt him. then later, ex#2 and my opp had asked what my opinion on guys with curly hair (mind you I was tired @ the time), I said that I liked curly hair, then they're like "Oh [ex's name], [old crush(oc)] you guys have curly hair"... anyways later I was talkin' 'bout how I was on my 3rd cup of grapes and ex#2 was like, "oh, [oc] don't you have a grape farm @ your house?" like wtff :( oh yea but then when I was talkin' bout how I like guys w/ curly hair earlier, my opp had asked my ex what he thinks his hair txter is, and OBVIOSLY he said curly... like istg i hate her.

3

okay, so @ auditions, when 2 ppl were singing, i was sitting down waiting my turn. anyways the WHOLE time, my ex (whom i like) was looking @ me!! and ltr, i had asked him to put my things in my bag, (ik he could've just been being nice but still). oh yea and then I was making fun of one of the ppl there and pulled my friends aside and my ex had asked what i was talkin' bout and so when i told him, i pulled him into a small secluded room w/o windows. then when i was omw to work, he kept asking me if i had my driver's license... like shut up bro (jkjk)
(this isnt a note, this just happened yesterday)
so basically, i was joking around w/ my friend abt since i dont have to do anything if i could shake some ass AS A JOKE and my ex (whom again, i wasnt talking to) was like "yea you can shake some ass" like huh!? oh yea and i forgot to mention, b4 auditions, i was talking to my friend and she had said (SUPER LOUDLY BTW) "yea and [ex] can fuck you too" (AS A JOKE (hopefully...)) and I freaked out and asked [ex] if he heard anything and when he said nah, i made him pinky promise, but he wrapped his whole ass finger around me and i didnt even bend mine. also we kept talkin and he noticed the choker i wear frm my friend and he had asked, "Is that what I think it is?" with like a kinda seductive tone... so yea :)
and 2day, i had asked him where our mutual friend was and he's like "idk. why?" like bruh we finna talk about YOU!! i just replied w/ "nothing, i just need to know where he's at" so... yea also earlier this year too, the friend i was talking to bout shaking ass said that she could see A LOT of chemistry between me n him.
i rlly hope this made sense... lol

Hi Reddit on wiki, I love you guys so much and really hope you read this story. You guys are great to listen to and love your banter. This is an Oops happy story.
I, 27 female and my boyfriend, 28, male. We have been dating for 7 years and on our 7 year anniversary he got down in one knee and proposed. Of course I said “yes!”. He later told me, “ yeah you picked up the ring at one point and I thought you figured it out”. He proceeded to say “in my defense I didn’t hide it well”. The shock on my face, I didn’t see the proposal coming, which I think is great because I like surprises. But I had no clue, there were hints all the way back to 2023. He told me he got the ring back in Nov of 2023, and he hid the ring in a box in his bedside table drawer. He had the ring delivered to a coworkers house and he bought a separate ring box from amazon (he had to buy it from his friends account since I’m always shopping on Amazon lol). So I asked him “when was this”, he states “some time back in December”. “Remember you would looking for the nail clippers and you just started rummaging through my bedside table, that’s when I thought you figured it out”. The absolute shock on my face because I member exactly what he was talking about. He then goes on to tell me “yeah, I saw videos online of girls who found the ring before the proposal and they started acting super nice and so I started testing you…. Yeah no”. Lol!!! Like wow thanks babe, I told him “ that explains why you kept asking for massages or some shit”. I like to believe normally I figure stuff out and I’m pretty smart considering I’m getting my MBA in business but that doesn’t mean shit, LOL. All my friends thought I was going to figured it out, nope completely oblivious. I think it’s a cute story and just a fun one to tell.
Thanks for reading if you did. Josh, Ricky and Gine keep doing what you do!

So, like many of us in this Reddit space are here to share stories from a time when we were naïve and probably convinced we were with our soulmate. at the timing of the end of this relationship, I was 23 (m) she was 22 (f). We really were only together for about a year and a half. However, there was some history between us that encouraged us to get together in the first place after our previous relationships. We knew each other for about five years at the time we got together. And we got together very fast after fairly lengthy relationships. The thing is, she had an apartment and her ex moved out. I kind of slowly started staying around a lot after he moved out and about 6-7 months into the relationship we moved in together into a new apartment and everything up to that point was so amazing.
I was very acclimated with her family. She wasn’t very much acclimated with mine actually. There was a dog in the middle that we had but it was technically her dog, but that dog does love me so much and I miss that dog so much now. Very skittish dog and the love was very apparent when I was around because I basically took a lot of responsibilities and taking care of the dog from the second I started being around. Now to the actual point of where this leads to…
So this year January, she broke up with me. It was very apparent, and there were writings on the wall that the spark was kind of gone and it was just hard to be around each other. Very ironic, but probably some type of psychological explanation because I swear I had so many opportunities to talk to new woman, but I valued loyalty more than anything to her and wanted to make things work no matter how hard. The next thing you know, she is noticeably, distant, asking for space and very hostile all the time. I kept telling her hey why do I just feel like your roommate and not your boyfriend anymore? you know I never had thought of anything suspicious from her side because I was convinced that she loves me. She’s basically had a crush on me you know since we were very young, as I said five years before we even got together she had a thing for me.
Now there were some crisis stages of living together where I am actively learning about God in my life and trying to place God as the pedestal for the way that I live my life, and those values differed. But at the end of the day, I accepted our differences and wanted to make it work, but it was very hard and I didn’t really see the sacrifices. She was willing to make for me. Now by no means was I perfect. I had a lot of flaws when it came to dealings with certain things and maybe not being reassuring in the ways that I was supposed to. However, my love for her was through the roof. She’s made me feel like nobody else ever has in my life and before her I was in a four-year relationship. So fast-forward, she breaks up with me on the same day that actually bought a new car (paid cash) which is something I thought she would be very excited for me about because my old car was a piece of junk and we usually took her car around. And I told her and she was absolutely expressionless.
As soon as that was the case, I was in a very dark state immediately. Prior to this there is a few days that I was really trying to get things rolling and some positive way between us and again it was just a matter where the spark was gone and she didn’t really want anything to do with me and it was making me so sad and frustrated. After I came home telling her that I bought a new car and she didn’t respond I start questioning her on a whole Lotta things and eventually she spills out that she no longer has feelings for me and says we’re broken up. Immediately, I’m in shambles. I think it was a Tuesday and the next day was a Wednesday where we normally spent all of our time together. I’m crying all night. I sleep in a separate room and see you was just quiet. The next Wednesday she goes out doesn’t really say anything and this is what was the hardest part. The person that I loved more than anyone in the world basically just stopped telling me anything and sharing anything with me.
She leaves the next morning. I tried to pull information out of her for her to tell me she was going apartment touring. That broke me as well. There was about 10 weeks left on the lease. I couldn’t even begin to think about that. However, I have to plead with her to keep her location on because I’m concerned about her and I still admittedly loved her, and all I wanted to do was reconcile and try to find a place of comfort. And her location she turned it off and turned it on and then it was like kind of weird on my phone, but eventually, I was basically stalking her because I was that insecure. She goes to one place and then another place and she’s gone all day and doesn’t tell me a thing. There is a place that she went to that confused me but I guess I excused it because she said she was apartment touring but it didn’t really make a lot of sense. This one place later on becomes an an answer to me. I talked to my family and friends and they basically accused her of cheating and I wasn’t having it because I couldn’t handle any more pain honestly.
Fast forward, though for the next two months basically we still live together and she was still being very secretive and I’m still hurting more and more. It was a very traumatic experience to just watch this girl I love change and be so different around me and I couldn’t feel any different way. It was really affecting me on a daily basis every single day and night. And that’s because I was admittedly, too emotionally dependent on her. it became very apparent that she was basically seeing someone else and wouldn’t fess up to it so quickly however this person wasn’t a boyfriend according to her because she wanted to be single. But she’s not coming back overnight, so I’m like where are you sleeping? She says don’t worry about it. I’m doing everything around the apartment. I’m taking care of the dog that it’s technically hers that I love a lot yes but you know. Sometimes she would come back and we would still often sleep in the same bed because I couldn’t sleep on the couch because that would just be very physically uncomfortable for me.
She was doing this and again I just had to live with it mind you she’s also told me some things like hey I believe in the right person wrong time idea and I still love you . It only gave me hope but it also put me through so much more pain as well. So just from a matter of how fast she was moving on to seeing another guy I feel like that should’ve been a key indicator, but I kept asking her if she cheated on me. She never said she did. I tried my absolute best to believe her every time. She also got approved for an apartment and had a roommate with some person who I didn’t really trust in the past, but I see now that that person is not significant in why the relationship broke. However, something that I have yet to mention is that she never really told a single person about our break up not family or friends. I wouldn’t have survived if I can tell no one because I was just going through it. You know I think this traumatic phase in my life and it’s making me realize that I think I have ADHD too.
Anyways, she was basically slowly moving out while I had my attempts to move out to a new place that kind of failed. I moved back in with my parents because of the roommate dependency of other people wasn’t working too well. Mind, you still pretty much through our time continuing to live together while I am deeply scarred and depressed. I am still actively trying to reconcile the relationship in someway. I was basically reflecting on everything that I did wrong and trying to better it while I was still living with her. That and I was just doing so many nice things like making all her meals and doing so many nice things for the dog buying things here and there. I was acting as a complete Simp believe me I hated it, but I missed her. At the same time I did not hate it though because I genuinely like doing things for other people and she was my outlet for that often.
Nonetheless, towards the end of the time before she moved out officially this is a part where I found out she cheated on me. There was about two weeks left on the lease or so. Quick note because I forgot to mention that we stopped having sex probably for a good amount of time and a red flag that I couldn’t overlook is the fact that she said she needed sex where I didn’t feel as I always desired it because it should be sacred. This could’ve very well been the nail in the coffin for her. Even though so many other things were good in my opinion she and I did not share the same values..
So we both wake up, she has an appointment to be at in the morning. I make food in the morning and I offered some. She takes a shower and gets changed in the bedroom. She left her phone in the bathroom unlocked and I looked through with major hesitation. Text showed nothing but then I showed that flo app (where women track their period and when they have sex)… my heart caught on fire. To see the amount of times she was having sex and also before we broke up, hurt me so bad but not as bad as I thought it would at the same time. I couldn’t look much further honestly, but I got my answer and I had to research to make sure I was looking at that correctly. I then questioned her, she would not admit and basically decided to move out that night, officially which put me in a pretty tough spot because she took the Internet.
I’m a big person on faith I’ve kept in touch with her somewhat and I’m doing my absolute best to forgive her. But I definitely cannot forget. What’s weird is that after we officially moved out the apartment and everything together she started sharing her location with me on Snapchat. Mind you I have a suspicion of who she was cheating on me with because I was investigating you know. I’m definitely more handsome and charismatic. I now notice her go to the same place she went to the day after we broke up pretty often. It’s not where she lives. It’s pretty close to her work. Do the math. I have tried to talk to her a few times about this topic and she certainly gets uncomfortable every time it is brought up. I just wanted it told from her for my closure, but I guess I don’t need it.
But yeah, that experience, especially living together after the break up was not fun and I don’t recommend it for anyone. I wouldn’t put my worst enemy through that. The lesson that i learned is that it can take two to build something great but only one to destroy it. Therefore, build something great on your own. Someone will be waiting there when you’re done.

You know when you’re researching a gourmand fragrance and you’re about to buy it but then you see a review saying something like ‘this smells like burnt paper or play dough or cat piss’…? Or you buy something thinking it’s pretty nice but then your boyfriend enters the room and asks “why’s it smell like bread in here?” It’s just totally not the effect I’m going for, how do I find a good gourmand perfume where people who are smelling it blind go oh smells like vanilla I love it! Something that strangers who don’t know what notes they’re smelling will just go oh that’s very nice!

Originally chronicled here.
I am not the OOP. OOP is u/Lost_Beginning_2824
This was originally posted in TrueOffMyChest
2 updates
(recovered via pushpull)
Original post - February 6th, 2024
1st Update - February 28th, 2024
2nd Update - March 8th, 2024
Trigger warning: mention of domestic violence situation
I’m married to a woman who acts like a teenage girl – February 6th, 2024
My wife behaves like a teenage girl and I don’t know whether to laugh or cry.
This is just a rant. Curious to know how many full grown adults behave the way my wife does. I’d say out of all of the adult women I know, like friends, relatives, wives of my friends, none of them behave this way unless they keep it a closely guarded secret.
Editing right here to add that my wife is in her 30s, for context.
My wife is always obsessed with somebody, a man or sometimes multiple men at one time. Usually there is one or two main focuses at a time. When I talk obsessed I mean obsessed like a teenage girl or maybe even preteen girl would be. I’ve seen pictures of her bedroom when she was that age and they were literally wallpapers in posters of her favorite guys. That’s totally normal for a 13 year old girl. She still behaves that way as a woman in her 30s. Granted, our bedroom walls aren’t wallpapered in posters but they probably would be if I allowed it.
Her obsessions have ranged from rock stars, actors, non-entertainment industry public figures. It’s like one day she hasn’t even heard of the guy in question and the next day she’s super fan #1 and knows just about everything there is to know about him. She will read and watch everything there is to watch about the man. She will bring him up in every conversation. She will adopt parts of him into her own personality. She will suggest things that make it clear to me that she wants me to adopt characteristics of these men as part of my appearance or personality. She will openly admit to me that she’s masturbated over the guy multiple times in one day.
When she finds a new man to obsess over, she puts the others in her little stable of men who she always has a place for in her heart and in her fantasies, so they never really go away. The new man just takes center stage and becomes the main focus of almost her entire life.
So the current obsession is so strange to me. Never saw this one coming, but leave it to her to always find somebody new to fall in love with. The intensity that she has during these periods - it’s honestly like she falls in love with these men.
I’m laughing so hard just typing this all. Her current obsession is Bret Hart, former pro wrestler. This woman had never watched wrestling before in her life. Always thought that stuff was below her. And now she’s obsessed with this former pro-wrestler. She watched one show about him, for reasons I’m not aware of, and I could tell almost instantly where it was headed. I thought “here we go…” So now the Bret Hart obsession is in full swing. Has she already dropped close to $1000 in vintage Bret Hart shirts on eBay? Of course. Bought all the stickers and magnets and all sorts of other stupid crap she can find? Yep. Does she send me Bret Hart YouTube clips all.day.long when she’s supposed to be working? Yes she does.
So, I better get to work brushing up on my Bret Hart knowledge and tag lines. This is the key to getting laid when it comes to her. I’m used to this by now. It’s just not something that I can easily explain to anyone I know.
I mean, there’s are things I’m a fan of, but she is next level. I can’t think of anyone I know who is her age and acts like this. She was voted most likely to grow up and become a groupie when she was in high school, so this is absolutely nothing new for her. Sigh.
Many are lighthearted in the comments
plastic_Schedule_891
I mean he's the best there is, was and ever will be so that one makes sense at least .
You don’t think I’m hearing that 10 times a day now?
I better start planning that trip to Calgary.
Limerence is mentioned
poopchutethemoon
Yeah my bouts of limerence have been with people I’ve dated but reading that made me realize that I was very much being obsessive and it was totally all consuming. Glad it’s over honestly. Those feelings are exhausting.
Very interesting to hear you say the feelings are exhausting. It’s like a full time job for my wife, so I could see that. She told me she’s at work with her door closed pretending to be working, but she’s really watching Bret Hart videos on YouTube. She can’t even focus on her job.
OOP reveals more of the life he’s signed up for in the comments
get-bread-not-head
You've pretended to act like other men for 20 years?!
Damn dude, I hope you're finding ways to accept it and cope. That sounds rough, having to be someone else to have sex... stay strong king
Nah, I just learn their catchphrases or gain some deep fan knowledge that’ll impress her or maybe perfect a vocal impersonation of them that I can drop at the opportune time. The vocal impersonations work the best as far as making her like me and being like “ok, wanna have sex now?”
another_canoe
But what do you guys actually share *together*? That's not related to the obsession of the season? (I'm not going to even bother asking if she's tried to learn about any of your hobbies/interests).
NGL, this is all pretty grim to me, my man....and I'm someone who loves having a partner who is passionate about things and nerds out.
I fear that you've spent so long with her infatuations steamrolling over your own interests and preferences that you have convinced yourself that getting attention-by-proxy as your main source of validation from your SPOUSE is a healthy way to live.
If I told you that I was big into anime and Japanese RPGs and the only way I get interested in doing it with my actual wife is if she adopts the catch phrases /personality characteristics of my latest "waifu", would you feel some concern for my wife's mental health?
I'm also wondering about this spending....
She’s pretty dismissive of my interests and hobbies. I’ve told her I’d like her to try to pretend to show a little more interest sometimes. I make an effort to show real interest in her stuff and she does not do the same. I’m very into music and I do geek out over guitars and gear and things like that and she couldn’t tell you anything about any of the guitars I own other than “he has a blue one, he has a red one. “ We do love some of the same bands. Of course she wants to fuck the band members and I just want to talk about the chord progression on my favorite guitar tracks, but it’s close enough. We like a lot of the same movies and that sort of thing. We have the same sense of humor and can keep each other laughing for ages. We have a lot of the same views on life and on the world in general.
I don’t know, we just get each other I guess.
I would be concerned about the waifu thing, but I guess in my case she always likes guys who I think are pretty cool anyway. She has good taste, at least. If she has to be obsessing over some other guy constantly at least she does it over guys I can respect on some level.
Regarding the spending, I spend way more than she does. Only difference is it’s not usually fan merch I’m buying. But she tolerate my spending when it comes to stuff like guitar gear. She rolls her eyes and reprimands me but she tolerates it and just knows I won’t stop. I’m the same when it comes to her fan stuff. I get it, she wants the vintage 1993 Bret Hart shirt that costs hundreds…not a modern shirt that just anyone could go online and buy for $25 right now. She wants the cool, rare stuff. I’m the same with my guitars so I guess it’s like we understand each other in some way. I think it’s weird to become a fan of somebody and 2 days later drop thousands on them though. At least my money pit is consistent.
I think we both feel like we’re the only person who will semi understand and tolerate all of this stuff from each other
Not included here, but in several comments, OOP definitely brings up his wife’s looks as a positive in the relationship and he finds her antics at times amusing or even attractive.
1st Update - February 28th, 2024
I recently wrote about my wife suddenly discovering former pro-wrestler Bret “The Hitman” Hart one day after never even knowing of his existence, experienced love at first site, and is now even deeper than love with him then she was a month ago.
Tonight, I experienced a good hour of her sobbing, literal sobs, after watching the Bret Hart A&E biography. “I just love him so much. I love him with all my heart. I don’t want any more bad things to happen to him. Also, I’m very jealous he’s not my husband.”
She also went from not wanting any kids to suddenly wanting a baby so she can name it Bret (a girl or a boy, doesn’t matter…they will be named Bret). And she almost had me convinced, but I blame that on the heat of the moment.
She’s bought all sorts of clothes just like his. My wife now dresses like Bret Hart in and outside of the ring.
The past few days she’s been acting really annoyed with me. Finally I’m like “Wtf am I doing wrong?” I bought you Bret Hart stuff for your birthday! I call you Mrs. Bret Hart now, even though you’re my wife. I even sent you flowers at work from Bret. I mean that was supposed to get me points because she knew they were from me and I was playing into her obsession which she’s now apparently shared with everyone she works with. They’ve bought her a giant Bret Hart wall decal for her office.
Ok, so I did forget our anniversary which was very recently. Totally forgot it. Then again, so did she. She was too busy masturbating over Bret Hart to remember our wedding anniversary. I mean bad husband points for me obviously but all the birthday gifts had to have made up for it. I mean, I even ordered a Bret Hart birthday banner and got her a Bret Hart themed birthday cake as if she were a 7 year old boy in the year 1994.
So why is she acting so annoyed lately? Why does she act like she hates me and can’t stand to even be in the same room as me? She finally admits…I’m not Bret Hart. None of her obsession have ever been this bad. She’s seriously threatening me with divorce now because I’m not Bret Hart! She “just wants a guy like that.” She had to go walk the dog today and cry over it, how much she hates me and wishes she was married to Bret Hart. Oh fuck me you want a guy like your dad because that’s what Bret Hart is like…exactly like her dad, the same look, the same hair, the same damn age.
I told her I think she should get checked out for autism or some other sort of disorder. Her obsessions have never been this bad. She should make an appointment now because the waitlist is long. She just laughed. There’s nothing wrong with her. She just has different taste in men now, according to her.
Some comments
psychick
Therapist here - she needs to see a psychiatrist. This is mental illness to the extreme. Either she goes, or you leave. This is ultimatum territory. And, stop giving into her obsession. It makes it worse.
nualt42
Man, when she threatens divorce, take it. Jump at the chance.
Hell, sit, be a good boy and offer your fucking paw if that’s what it takes to get treated to an exit strategy. Don’t worry about dignity, sounds like you gave that up a long time ago.
She’s even looked up the divorce process for where we live and says we can be amicable about everything. She assures me she’s not looking to take any thing that is rightfully mine. She just wants a clean break.
Sophie3546
I’m surprised he even lasted this long. Calling her “Ms. Bret Hart” …..I can’t even fathom.
Excuse me, it’s MRS Bret Hart, not Ms.
NEW UPDATE - March 8th, 2024
Hi, you might remember me as the guy whose wife was obsessed with JFK (35th President of the United States), then experienced a world wind romance with former WWF pro-wrestler Bret Hart (the best there is, the best there was, and the best there ever will be), but now she’s met a new man. I thought the Bret Hart obsession was the worst one yet. Never has she threatened divorce or told me she hated me because I wasn’t the object of her desire. Luckily, that was a relatively quick love affair for her. 3-4 months is a short run for her and one of her men. But I should be careful what I wish for.
This new one is the first time I’ve felt that I should maybe, just possibly, feel legitimately scared. Her newly developing obsession is Patrick Bateman. Yep, the character from American Psycho. Specifically, the movie version played by Christian Bale.
It’s not like she’s just met the guy. She’s seen the movie before but it doesn’t appear that they hit it off initially. Now, she’s suddenly started making constant reference to him. Bret is gone and now it’s just Patrick Bateman and maniacal laughter and purchasing all of the items in his skin care routine. I’d like to see her do 1000 crunches though. That’ll be the day.
She has always admitted to living the 80s preppy/yuppie look. She loves assholes. Assholes are a weakness for her. Psychopaths? Hmm…that’s a new one, unless you count the time she was in love with the Menendez Brothers years ago. God, the pastel Ralph Lauren sweaters she used to try to make me wear. Pastels are just not my shades.
Now, there was a time many years ago where I did have to hide all the knives in our home. I was legitimately scared that she was going to murder me. I forget what she was upset about now. I am, after all, her type - an asshole. I did something that bothered her and she ran for the knives. I had to hide them and then lock myself in a bedroom because she was literally chasing me. That was before she decided that she’d be the female Patrick Bateman. Granted, she says “only mean in the looks and snob department-nothing else.”
She’s trying to determine what the female equivalent to a Patrick Bateman hairstyle would be right now. I’m just worried about the bank account with this obsession. The amount she’ll spend on business cards alone.
Comments
lemonade_sparkle
Your wife is severely mentally ill, and needs help quickly.
Is there no chance of persuading her to get help?
If not, what preparations have you made to leave her?
I’m a strange way, I think these obsessions are what keep her sane.
Her getting help is funny though. It’s not going to happen. Sure I’ve tried to persuade her to see a therapist but she just won’t.
ctIaTErA
I probably shouldn’t be laughing as hard as I am right now. This is truly bizarre. Does she narrate her morning routine in the mirror each day now?
But in all seriousness, she’s chased you with a knife? Thats far more concerning than any of the obsessions with these men, and yes I did read the post about the wrestler. I thought it was just very quirky behavior before, but she seems truly unhinged now.
It was years ago. Like 10+ years ago. I’m much stronger than her so it’s not hard to hold her down if need be.
I AM NOT OOP
NO BRIGADING, NO HARASSMENT

tldr; Logically, I understand everything. Emotionally, I am still furious and hurt. How can I decrease emotional pain, understanding that I might not be able to fully eliminate it?
I've gone hermit-mode from dating since my (m) ex (f) broke up with me 18 months ago. The extent of my romance has been a couple Bumble dates and casual workplace flirting. My ex moved on immediately (literally the day after) like nothing happened and eventually found a new boyfriend a few months later. She appeared very happy on social media. Our relationship only lasted 9 months, but felt deep, sincere, and intimate. She was my first relationship, and I was her third. The love was mutual.
She broke up with me on Christmas about 10 minutes after opening my gift, which was a thoughtful picture scrapbook of our adventures together. We had been rocky a couple months prior, as I had been expressing concerns about her poor communication and distancing. I spent months balancing the impossible task of giving her enough space but not allowing my needs to go unmet (personal boundaries). I even broke up with her for a week before getting back together. Everything was perfect the first 7ish months btw. She always wanted to come over, stay late, and spend time with me. She would buy me thoughtful gifts out of the blue, etc. That slowly went away.
Since discovering attachment theory, post-breakup, I can clearly explain the intricacies of everything that happened and why, stemming from her childhood and mine. I've read multiple books and watched countless videos. She was a strong dismissive avoidant and I am a preoccupied anxious.
I've had no contact with her since our breakup. A few months ago, I blocked her phone number and deleted all my social media. It gave me a little power back.
However, there are many nights when I'm alone that I think back on the ways she hurt me. I ask myself questions like: "did she actually love me, or just the idea of me?;" "what did it mean when she did this... ;" "how can you move on to another man if I was such a perfect boyfriend?"; "why'd you never reach out to try again; "was it your ego?," etc.
I consider myself a very good judge of character, and objectively I continually gave her the benefit of the doubt when she said she wasn't hurting me intentionally. She never did anything outright malicious, either. No name calling, nothing. Slowly she became distance and flakey. Near the end of our relationship, we had gone two weeks without hanging out, and when I brought it up, she said she didn't notice. Less time together and more excuses.
I've had time to understand my own anxious tendencies, many of which I apologized for regularly during our relationship. I communicated my insecurities in a mature manner. I wasn't perfect, but I owned up to a majority's stake and will do better in my next relationship. I met her halfway, but she didn't (or couldn't) meet me. Although I'd consider myself preoccupied anxious, I lean more secure than her, and was never overbearing or clingy. I never over texted, etc. I internalized most of my frustrations and continually second guessed myself.
When I think of the ways "I was wronged," the feelings that come up are anger, vengefulness, and jealousy. She would often tell me "I don't deserve you" and "you are the best boyfriend I ever had." It sounded sincere and probably was. We never had a shouting match nor did either of us have outbursts. Despite my blood boiling on the inside, I would do my absolute best to come across calm and collected. Occasionally, I'll think back to certain memories and they'll keep me up late at night. I can feel my heartrate increase. I get furious. She doesn't have a solitary idea (not even 1%) how much she hurt me. She probably thinks I'm doing just fine and did me a favor by breaking up with me. It's totally twisted, like living in two different realities.
I find it so cliche and cringe when someone can't get past their first love. They'd rather take their spite to the grave than get up and try again. My ex doesn't deserve this much real-estate in my brain, and it's not fair to me. I'm okay with having a scar, but it shouldn't be a full on open wound. It was only a 9 month relationship for God's sake.
Outside of this relationship, I've had plenty of success with women and don't have issues dating or being romantic. It's not for a lack of options, but rather this emotional trauma has been holding me back. Any advice is welcome.
Thank you for listening. I appreciate it.

Does anyone else notice that Remi praises cal for how sweet he is constantly but it’s always the most bare minimum thing.
For example on the vlog he got her snacks she asked him to pickup at target - and then went on about how observant and sweet he was for getting her the cold foam she asked for but forgot to send a photo of … he followed a simple request? I would just assume that my boyfriend could manage to grab the groceries I asked him for lol, I didn’t know he needed praise for this or photos of everything I wanted when they share a home/refrigerator. Why wouldn’t he know what cold foam y’all buy?
She also praises him so much anytime it’s anything to do w the wedding, like yes babe he should be involved and asking your thoughts on the venue … that is literally the bare minimum for an event y’all are hosting together lol.
I don’t hate remi or cal, but endlessly praising men for literally doing the bare minimum is my pet peeve lol

So today I(17F), got picked up by mom after school today. We were talking like normal until at one point she asked me a question along the lines of “Life or death, would you pick me or your boyfriend?” Now, looking back I definetly should’ve said her because well.. she’s my mom. But I didn’t, I hesistated and didn’t pick, so this led her to go on and start saying things about how she was disappointed in me for picking a boy over her, how she was hurt and that I don’t need her and how I don’t care about her, etc. Anyways I’m just putting this here because there’s no one I can really talk about with stuff like this, but also because I’m very embarassed and I feel like the shittiest daughter in the world. I asked her how could I make her feel better and she said it’s not my job, an then we left the car after her saying that she didn’t care about the situation which obviously isn’t true. Is there a way that I can make things right with her?

I was invited by a couple of friends to go camping a few days ago. I'm honestly still exactly not sure if any of it was real, but I wish to share my story nonetheless. It began last Monday, when friend number Six invited friends One through Five to a girls get away. She claims to have found this beautiful spot in the mountain on one of her hikes and she says it’s perfect for seeing the stars at night. I was skeptical at first, to be honest I don't really like being outdoors, but it sounded like an experience worth having, so I thought "why not, this will be a wonderful memory to look back on!". I had just purchased a new camera as well, so I was honestly starting to warm up to the idea. I could take pictures of our excursion into the woods and make cute little picture frames for everyone for their birthdays, it would've been so cute! But things did not go at all as I had envisioned.
So the day of the trip arrives, a bit faster than I would've liked, but honestly I think I was just anxious about… I kept feeling this weight in my chest that made it uncomfortable to breathe, but I was going into the woods, strange things happen to women in movies; Jason Voorhees, Sasquatch, Shia LaBeouf! Who knows what could happen! Not to mention there is always the chance I could fall into a lake and get covered in leeches, or get surrounded by wolves, or chased up a tree by a bear… Hopefully a very soft bear so I'll at least know one pleasure before I die! There are all sorts of fears I had envisioned before the day of the trip, but anxiety just be like that.
I met up with my friends at the trail and learned that friend Six decided to bring her bf along, which I was upset about but I guess he was just going to get a hotel room nearby so he'd be close enough to her to feasibly show up if we needed any help. She later told us that he worries all the time because his father went missing in these woods years ago and he's worried the same might happen to her. This is where I learned that men tend to stay out of those woods because men have been going missing in those woods for years, but according to friend Six, she's been coming to this forest for a while now and hasn't had any bad experiences. Hearing that did oddly put me at ease, but now all I could wonder at the time was what happened to all those poor men.
Deep into the night we're all chit chatting, talking about where we are in our lives, things that are bugging us, what our hopes are, and dancing to the music of nature… but which of course I mean we got shit drunk, smoked some great wee, talked about sex, laughed over silly anime scenes, and twerked to slipknot girly bops!. It was such a fun night at that point that I honestly wish I could go back and never let that night end. It was intoxicating how beautiful the sky looked, and when gazed up it was almost like we could scoop the stars into our hands and sip from the sea of stars. I was worried we'd just be on our phones all night filming tiktoks or something but even with no signal, no one really seemed to be too stressed about it, we all just kind of felt safe… Almost welcomed into the forest, like being embraced by a loving mother. But unfortunately, heaven isn't forever, and men come not but to steal, kill, and destroy.
As we were drinking we decided to tell some scary stories… or well I decided to because I thought "it's so cliché but we have to do it. It feels like tradition almost." plus I would've regretted it if we didn't do it, so fuck it, right? Right. So we go around telling scary stories to one another, and I mention to friend Six that I keep thinking about those poor men that went missing. I then asked if any women had gone missing, and surprisingly she said yes… it was way back in the 1800's but after that there had never been a single missing woman in that forest. The forest was actually named after the first young woman who went missing all those years back, and now there are all these rumors about it but I don't believe in that stuff so I didn't really pay much attention… I kept thinking "I'll just wait for the manga… or the shitty Hollywood cash grab of it…" but I DO vaguely remember the history cause I find dark history lore to be super fascinating. So there was a time when the area had more indigenous citizens living here, before gentrification moved into town. She went on to tell us that indigenous people eventually began to keep to themselves because as more white people moved in, more of their daughters went missing. There are yearly parades to honor the missing daughters and to spread awareness to those living in the town. The police try to shut it down but they still do it every year.
Not long after hearing that we hear something howl in the distance. Friend Three howls back and friend Five falls on her out of her camping chair laughing. I tell them to knock it off because the last thing we need is for her to accidentally attract a wolf during mating season! I don't know if that’s a thing, but it sounds like something that’s a thing… So I'm just going to assume that it is. Don't judge me. She then says "But what if it's Taylor Lautner? Or Joe Manganiello? Personally… I'm more of a Meatloaf guy myself… But you know… RIP… But Joe is pretty fine and my mom did always hope I'd marry a black man to get melanin back in our family… But I don't think a splash of melanin is gonna override this asian/african skin so… Anyways! So these guys come walking past our camp site, and we're all drunk and high so we're already all on edge upon seeing random men this deep into the forest, but friend Four gets up and says "who the fuck are you and what're you doing here!?" One of the men quickly apologizes and tells us they're actually out here camping as well. They said a friend of theirs found this waterfall in the forest that glows because it captures the moon's light. Friend Two hears this and asks if we can go with them, to which we all begrudgingly agree.
At the "mooncuzi" I like to call it, we all sit around this beautiful natural pool lit up by the moon, and we were worried it would be cold but I was surprisingly warm, if I had to guess I'd assume there's a magma vein under there or something? Idk, I'm not a geologist or volcanologist, but something kept it warm and it wasn't my tiny bladder! Everyone was really relaxed and the guys honestly seemed super cool, and guy One honestly seemed really nice. I call him guy One because he's number 1 to me, we're still together now, and we even have another partner now, so yay! We all began talking and some of us were hitting it off, clearly… but we had all been drinking and smoking more which, honestly we had stopped… but we couldn't pass up the opportunity to get cross-faded in a mooncuzi. Nuh. Nope. Not on my watch. But someone clearly didn't get the vibe memo, because friend Two screams out "bro what the fuck I said no!"
The next thing we hear is "You don't have to yell about it like some kind of cunt!" Everyone runs over to try and figure out what's going on. Turns out guy Five didn't like being told no. He and friend Two were playing a drinking game with friends Three and Four and guy Three and Four. We learned that guy Five dared friend Two to take her top off, to which she said politely refused, and the guys didn't seem to like that. They tried to convince her it's part of the game. One of the guys said she was already in her underwear anyway, so she might as well… My guy, One, and guy Two scolded their friends for their behavior, which is why guy Two and friend Two are married now… Guess nice guys don't finish last, huh? Anyways, They scolded their friends for their behavior, I remember my guy yelling "you never speak to a woman like that!" and "If I ever catch you trying to peer pressure a woman again I'll take your testicals in my hand and squeeze on them slowly until I know what it's like to feel one pop in my hand." and it was honestly the hottest thing I've ever heard a man say… a bit violent… but fuck was I glad I was in the water!
Guys One and Two apologized for their friends' actions the whole way back. I asked them why they remained friends with them and guy One had gone off to college while guy Two went into the service, so the two of them had been away for a few years, but they swore their friends never used to be like that. This was actually supposed to be a reunion hike of sorts since they both happened to come back around the same time. After meeting up with guys Three, Four, and Five though, they realized their friends had been warped by these podcasts about alphas and betas and maximizing your sigma or something, and tried to convince him to listen to some pickup artist that claimed to know the secret to unlocking the female brain. Also known as, stupid useless slop grifters make to get rich off young boys with zero confidence and zero bitches. Lastly, he tells me guy Three was actually raised by a single mother alongside his two sisters, so he really wouldn't expect that kind of behavior from him. Guy Four was always sort of sketchy but they thought he was "just being funny", men right? The only thing they felt was weird about him was this one time when they were teens his sister moved away and he got really quiet afterwards, but then he dated a few people that looked almost identical to her, but for some reason he didn't see it, so they started calling him "little sister" (or did they? oooo) or "Lil" for short, joking he had an undiagnosed sister complex… Ew. That’s all I’ll say to that. The last guy, Five, they said always seemed fine to them, they didn't elaborate, so idk what their idea of "fine" is, sorry to disappoint.
Not long after we got back to the camp we heard engines in the distance, and as they got closer and closer we all stared in confusion. No one should be riding vehicles out this way, and friend 6 knows her bf wouldn't come out here without alerting us.
The vehicles stopped after surrounding us with their lights pointing right at us. We heard the familiar voices of guy Three, along with 4 new voices. He whined about how we hyurt his widdle feefees or something obnoxious. I tried to listen but it's just so hard to listen to some overgrown pissbaby go on about their fragile ego. Guys One and Two went to confront guy Three and his posse, asking why they didn’t wait at the car. Guy Three told them they wouldn’t understand because they’ve given themselves over to feminist ideas and allowed themselves to become beta cucks. He told them that simps deserve to die so other men won’t be warped by feminist witch pussy magic like they have… Like we just met these guys and he’s already acting like we had sex… This man's logic was like a runaway train, the cars are all there but they ain’t making it to their destination. Guys One and Two continue to argue with guys Three, Four, and Five, before guys Six and seven come up behind them and put knives to their necks. At this moment I noticed a gleam in guy Three’s eyes. He now thinks he’s invincible… I can see the depravity in his eyes as he looks upon friend Two, stripping her down in his mind, imagining all the sick things he’ll do. And as if to validate my suspicions, he walks up to her and says “You never did complete that dare… How about we start a new game… But this time we won’t have any need for truths.” I watch as fear washes over Two’s face, as she begins to imagine what he is implying, almost as if his depraved thoughts were being projected into her mind, instilling suffering on her before he had even begun to touch her. She catches herself, refusing to give him the satisfaction of fear and spits in his face. She then tells him “you couldn’t even please your hand with a prick that small.” The look of anger on his face was honestly delectable. If I could, I would put it on canvas and call it “Portrait of a Scorned Man” or “Man who just realized being a dick doesn’t make yours bigger”. ANYWAYS, he then began to yell something about "it's up to real men to show women their place in society!" OOO so angwy! They started circling around us like starving wolves. One of them placed themselves against friend Five’s back and said "I always wondered if trans women looked different down there." Which angered friend Five, but not as much as it did friend Four who tends to be a bit of a hot head.
Friend Four may look like a pretty cute petite princess, but she's manlier than most men I know. She's a competitive marksman, as well as being a gymrat who likes to build cars on the weekends. She's also the girlfriend of friend Five, not that that’s important but I feel like it should be important. So anyways, she starts blasting right? And one of these guys yells "what the fuck they’ve got funs!? Who the fuck gave these stupid bitches guns!?" I then hear one of them try to antagonize her by saying "pretty young thang like you shouldn't be carrying such a big piece until she's used to it! AYO!" So she shot a round off at the tree he took shelter behind as if to mock him by letting him know his life is in her hands… She looked like a real boss bitch, like for real! That girl is HIM! She has always been him, she will always be him! While this was taking place, friend Six reached out to her boyfriend now that we could finally use the radio without fear of them taking it. We explained what was happening and asked him to bring help. He told us to tie the button down and to hide it from sight so that he could listen in while he headed to the station to get help. I feel so bad for that man, having to listen to all those screams, feeling completely powerless to do anything in the moment, but we’re so thankful to him for being there in the way that he was.
Gun fire kept ringing out as Four kept firing rounds into the forests yelling “I shoot to maim!” and “You’re not safe here!” hoping to scare the men enough to make them retreat because none of them seemed to have rifles on them… But then we hear it… The first scream… Everyone freezes in their tracks, their heart stilled by this sudden shriek of terror that seemed to only further race towards the all consuming darkness. The moment it stopped nothing remained but the slow encroaching crawl of raindrops and the rapid beating drums of the fear in our hearts. It's then that the rain came down like a closing curtain on the chapter of our innocence, because that’s when we heard the second scream, a scream just as chilling as the first, ascending high into the tree tops before we see something that shocks everyone to their core; the haunting image of a man’s face still screaming, a face still unaware its going to meet, a face that still hopes to be saved but never will. Within unison, as if hell had a chorus, we all screamed in silence as we turned to run. With no other means of safety, my friends, guys One and Two, as well as myself ran for the tent. We don't really know what happened after we got into the tent, but not a second went by that we didn't think we wouldn't be next. We know better now, but in that moment I felt both relief and fear for my life. I just kept thinking how lucky I was that I was fortunate enough to die with my dignity still intact… I kept thinking "at least those man babies didn't get to do whatever depravity they had in mind"
Well by now everyone knows what happened, it's been on the news. Those 3 guys and all of their cronies turned up missing… But what the news won't tell you is that we were saved by Mama Makwa, we call her that due to the sounds we heard, as well as the site we saw afterwards. The bellowing sound of vengeance that came in the form of a bear’s roar was as loud as the mean screaming they saw a 9 ft tall bear with skin dripping off of its bone like fur. We later learned that men referred to it as “Slippy Skin” aka "Wejuk", as it seemed the bear would change appearance depending on who gazed upon its visage, but this was not "Wejuk". One by one, we heard those men scream for their lives, describing a creature with a mouth made of human hands that had palms covered by teeth shaped like hypodermic needles. It had claws that seemed like stone daggers that were etched by native americans. They warned each other "Don't look into its eyes!" before proclaiming how sorry they were for the things they'd done… They complained of the putrid stench suffocating them as they were pulled into its gaping maw. They screamed of the creatures rotting viscous flesh melting into their own, and making their skin a part of it, as if their skins were fuel for the fear this best could instill by its mere dominion over them. But we never saw that creature… Instead, after the screams stopped, we were greeted by this beautiful creature that looked like a bear, only it had this glow about it, and its fur seemed almost like the softest of opalescent feathers. Its eyes looked just like the aurora borealis, and she was mesmerizing. We felt safe, and welcomed, and most of all protected… After everything that happened, I think we will be coming back, because we know Mama Makwa will be there to protect us. We believe Mama Makwa is an avenging spirit born from the fear those women felt, here to make sure no other women ever have to suffer like they did within this forest. We also now understand why those men all went missing. My boyfriend and friend Two's husband weren't attacked by Mama Makwa… Only the men who felt any sort of ill intent toward us women that night saw Mama Makwa in that form, the form they confused for Slippy… But knowing there is a safe haven for women out there, I'm thinking we will have another girls night next year, anybody wanna come?

I’ve read this subreddit so much. I’ve never felt a need for an outside perspective that wasn’t my friends or partner. But I’m a bit stuck. Sorry for how long it is, I tried not to miss out anything too relevant.
TL:DR - boyfriend used to be FWB with his friend, now they’re best friends. Lots of reassurance from boyfriend nothing going on anymore, no feelings there. But his friend drunkenly ‘confessed’ to liking him still. Few days later, when it was addressed, said it was a drunken thing with no meaning. Not sure how to handle it.
So onto the situation. I’m 34m, he’s 30m. I’m going to call him Ollie to make it easier to follow. I’ve been exclusive with Ollie since end of January, so not a long time relatively speaking. But I’ve had a number of relationships and I’ve never felt this strongly about someone this quickly.
We have so much in common, he’s absolutely amazing, he’s handsome, kind, caring and funny. He’s mature where it counts and can look after himself (something I’d lacked in my previous serious partner). I know it can be something great. There’s just one singular issue…
A year before I met him he was seeing someone, a FWB situation. They fell in love (or at least my partner did, not sure if it was reciprocated). I do know Ollie wanted more and for it to be serious but was turned down. They then became best friends.
When I first started dating Ollie there would be little snippets that gave away how close they were, and it started making me feel a bit uncomfortable. For example the last time they slept together was Dec, while we started dating a January.
It’s not typical to be best friends with an unrequited love that used to be your FWB, and it made me feel a bit uneasy. It might be something we’ve done in the bedroom and he’d say things like “I didn’t realise I was into that until a year ago”. I brought up to him that it’s a strange dynamic and he made it very very clear he doesn’t feel like that anymore about him. He also set a boundary that he wouldn’t stop being friends with the other guy. It’s not something I asked, I guess he was just preempting just in case. He doesn’t have many other close friendships, lots of less close friends/acquaintances.
My past relationship ended through them cheating, and I’m conscious I might still have trauma from that. Where it’s more difficult to trust someone. I just don’t want to invest time in someone if they’re not over someone else, or if they’ll likely cheat with them. I’d rather there was honesty and we move on.
I’ve kept my worries to myself, and from advice from friends I’m choosing to trust him unless the trust is broken. So this brings me to last weekend. We were all out drinking, including Ollie and his friend and others. At some point in the night Ollie’s friend is alone with him in the club and confesses he likes Ollie. He was very very drunk at this point, and Ollie came and found me straight away and let me know.
I appreciate the honesty, and him coming to me straight away. It definitely helps with trust. But it just reinforces my worry that it’s an unhealthy relationship. Where his friend is seeing Ollie finally move on and happy, and maybe he’s worrying his fall back option might be slipping away?
I asked Ollie to address it with his friend when he’s sober - which he’s done. And it was put down to a drunken situation. However I’m left feeling a bit like it’s a ticking time-bomb. If things were truly reciprocated and communicated better would they be together? If it wasn’t a drunken confession would things be different? I’m just not sure how to navigate their friendship.
To me it crossed my boundary. I want to be with Ollie, I am just having a hard time coping with the baggage. If it was one of my friends that did that with me I’d create quite a lot of distance from them. Not necessarily saying not to be friends, but put more of a barrier up. Ollie would struggle with that as it’s his best friend.
Since that weekend he saw him Monday for an hour after work (thats usually when they see each other for a catch up). Then Tuesday for one drink and food with a couple others. Then today Ollie went for drinks with work and his friend happened to be there with some other people too. Now I think the last one might have been a case of “I’m around here if you want to join” but it was put to me that it was a coincidence. I don’t think it was, but I think Ollie is trying to ‘protect me’ through a white lie.
I know from previous requests for advice the above might be alarm bells for cheating. I really don’t think it is, there’s lots of communication with me during this, and pictures and videos. Lots of really strong words of affirmation, and how much he likes me. I think he realises it might be a bit of a trigger for me.
It just all feels unhealthy, and it makes me want to run away from it. I just haven’t felt like this about someone by this point and feel without that baggage things would be amazing.
I know if I ended it Ollie would be devastated (as would I). But I’m starting to worry about this too much, I just want to be care free and not have baggage in a situation like this. Equally no one would be perfect, or come without some kind of baggage or trauma I suppose.
Should I just accept their friendship and try not to worry about it? Should I push for more boundaries between him and his friend?

am i in the wrong for thinking about leaving my girlfriend?
i F19 and my girlfriend V F19 have been seeing each other for 9 months, for some context i’ve know her for around 8 years but lost contact then regained contact after seeing her at her job. V is an amazing girl and she truly always has good intentions with me and how she goes about our relationship, my mom loves her which isn’t something i saw often between past people i was seeing.

the issue is her family. Her parents (not sure of their age but they have a 10 year age gap). They are extremely religious and are against same sex relationships. I’ve met both her parents when i was introduced as her friend even though i wasn’t , i have a more masculine appearance with boy shirt hair that her mom would make comments about behind my back and even sometimes to my face ex: why is your hair short, it would look so nice if you grew it out. or ask me if i had a boyfriend. Her father was extremely nice to me and would invite me to dinners and church but i would politely decline due to knowing their beliefs. Her mom is extremely invasive to V’s room and goes through it when she isn’t home, it’s wrong but it’s not going to stop her anytime soon, there is honestly a lot of things she does that are insane . a couple months back V and i were going to hang out at her house after i got out of work, i had just got dropped off at her house and her mom said she wanted to talk to us which wasn’t alarming to me because she always talked to us about praying together and would always go over things she thought was best for us. She ended up finding a love letter i wrote to V when we were first seeing each other. i was stunned to say the least but she goes on about how it’s wrong and telling me how she wants her daughter to marry a man and have kids, she goes to talk about how mom raised me and saying she didn’t take us to church enough. i was so upset i started smiling from the bullshit coming from this ladies mouth. she asked me if i had something to say and i knew nothing i would say was nice so i was about to leave walking to the door, her mom proceeded to grab my arm saying i need god and i yelled to let go of me multiple times before V grabbed her arm off me and i opened the door to leave. her mother told me that i will be going to hell and to never step foot in her house again. i called my friend to tell her what went on and wondering if i could continue to see this girl. After that i only see her at night from sneaking in her house (her room is a hut in the backyard so it’s pretty easy). i rarely see her during the day and it’s something we have to plan at least two weeks ahead of time to make happen during the day. I truly feel a lot for V but i find it very unfortunate that i’ll never have a relationship with her family and continue to hide it until we potentially move in together or she moves out on her own. i’m looking for advice or even a way to talk to V about this, or is this something i should just walk away from. 

Hi guys. Just wanted to ask a question to get other people's views on this. So my boyfriend and I have been together for 6 months. He has recently been getting into basketball and so have I by extension. We watch games together when able and I've even planned a weekend where I invited my friend and her bf to come play with us as he doesn't have anyone to play with and also because I've got a basketball court next to my building.
We were talking earlier and he very excitedly mentioned that he was going to watch a game with his best friend which is fine but I was a bit hurt he didn't think to ask me if I wanted to come along. I tell him it would've been nice to be invited especially as this is something we were both getting into together. He says oh, he didn't know I wanted to come and that the tickets are sold out in his section.
I just feel even if I didn't want to go (it's 100% a game I would've said yes to if asked) he should've asked ? He said he was sorry and it was a spontaneous thing and he just said yes to the game but I'm still upset. I haven't said anything else about it because I don't want to make it into a huge thing.
I don't even know what I'm looking for here, maybe somewhere to express my feelings. Sometimes I just feel like he never thinks of me or considers my feelings. I know he never does it intentionally but when you care about someone these thoughts should naturally cross your mind, no ?

Some of subscribers to this reddit might remember my sad story. (Originally my boyfriend was posting it to this subreddit, but now he's been banned from posting here by this sub's admins) Almost a month has passed since I (a Tanzanian national, 24 years old, girl) was denied boarding in Nairobi Airport to fly to Ecuador. KLM airport staff told me that I won't be allowed to fly because I'm a single woman without being accompanied with father or husband. Once I took out the phone and started recording, they changed the reason to "can't connect in AMS without Schengen" (absurd). Three weeks later, after I had to buy a ticket and successfully flew to the same destination, we decided to check the status of the compensation claim (airport staff on that day promised me full compensation, LOL). I really want to rant how terrible the claim communication is with KLM, but I won't. Long story short, the claim was displayed as "closed" and after contacting their weird support in Facebook, they sent me in FB messenger a quote from the claim response (which I never saw on their website or in my email box and they won't ever send me): As per your communication I note that you and your co-passenger were not able to check-in on flight KL 566. Having checked our records, you were refused to board because you did not comply with Article 9 (Passenger referred back due to suspicion) of the General Conditions of Carriage. Therefore, you are not entitled to the compensation set by the EC Regulation 261/2004. Usama Butt. How I understand it, KLM profiled me by my gender and race and the fact that I don't have many stamps in my travel passport. They had a worry that - I dunno really - that I would run to Dutch police during my connection in Amsterdam to ask for refuge?? And having this suspicion they (quote) "referred the passenger back". They also mention a mysterious "co-passenger" which I didn't have. Never I or my boyfriend could expect that an airline can profile the passenger and just deny flying "due to suspicion" and cause the loss of ticket ($1350) and the collapse of travel plans (>$4000). Dear readers of this subreddit, before admin deletes my post, please share your opinions on how fair you think the actions of KLM and their decidion to not even compensate the ticket were. And, maybe, anyone has an idea for me on how to fight for my rights in this case? TBH I'm very furios about this airlines.

Background is: I am 27 F, living in USA , fiance is 33 F living in Philippines.
Recently, my fiance’s coworker was cheated on by her boyfriend who works in the same office. The coworker lives with her parents , and was ashamed to go home because she didn’t want them finding out. My fiance offered her coworker to spend the night at our apartment for this reason and because it seemed she was having a mental health crisis. My fiance really felt for her because my fiance has been cheated on in the past and had the experience of not knowing where to go.
My fiance texted me about this, but by the time I saw the message since I was in session, she already invited her.
The next day , my fiance comes home from work, and says she’s having a chat with some coworkers at the pool in our apartment. I said what happened to your coworker who stayed over? My fiance said she had stayed at our apartment the whole day after sleeping over while she was at work. At this point I felt like it had to say something because she hadn’t mentioned that at all.
Is it reasonable for me to want the heads up ? That she was gonna sleep over and stay while my fiance went to work ? Also, it reminded me of how a few weeks ago another coworker had an issue with her husband and my fiancé offered her to stay at our place as well but she didn’t take up the offer. And last year , right before I went to visit my fiance in ph, she told me she offered our apartment to a coworker who was between places. I ended up saying I wasn’t comfortable, she didn’t know how long she would need to stay. This instance was even worse because I had not yet met these coworkers/friends.
It seems like she makes an offer then tell me after. My request is we discuss first before the offer. Are my feelings fair ? My fiance feels she is only wanting to help her friends, and that I feel I can dictate who can come over because I am paying for the apartment.
She feels this especially because while I was visiting her in ph, I was working from home as a mental health counselor . It became a regular occurrence that she would come home from work with 1-2 of her coworkers but only tell me this when they were already on their way walking to our place- which is a 5 minute walk from their office . She thought this was unfair and inhospitable for me to ask if she can let me know sooner before they’re walking to our apartment that they’ll be coming. I felt that it’s hard for me to host right after finishing a session.
Hopefully this provides background on my fiancé’s perspective - that her heart is in the right place wanting to help friends in need, or spend time with them, but in the process I feel like she doesn’t loop me in or discounts my feelings
Now that I’ve spoken up on this issue she says she will never have anyone over again.
What should I do?

I've this classmate who I'm friends with. We're not extremely close, but we're in the same group of friends. Let's call her S. S is a really selfless person who can be kinda shy sometimes. She's extremely sensitive and when she's stressed or overwhelmed she can snap.
I met this girl last year, along with other girl I'll call M. M is a really carefree girl. She can be oblivious and honestly just a really chill person. M doesn't take things too personal, unlike S, who can think you're mad at her just by talking with someone else.
So I met this two girls and it was pretty clear that S was way too attached to M. They've known each other as much as I've known them, but still, S is always so affected by whatever M does.
As I said, M is a pretty chil person so she doesn't even notice this behavior from S. Some stuff S does are:
-Asking M to keep secrets, but then make painfully obvious to the rest of the group that there's a secret.
-Turn conversation of 4-5 people into a private coversation of her and M.
-Talk to me and the others when she thinks M is mad a her (Just because M is talking someone else)
-One of the last things she did was pass a paper between her and M with me literally in the middle.
I never really cared about this as I have other friends, but it was still a problem we all knew. The worst part? This attachment is totally one sided as M was completely oblivous and she even considers S just a classmate.
This new year rolls in and my best friend left our school. I was really thinking about this thing S has of excluding others, but I decided that I just needed to speak with new people. So there's this new guy "L" who happens to like the same author as me. We dont talk much, just exchange words, messages and just one proper conversation of around 20 minutes.
I first texted him, but a few days later we spoke during break time. Our conversation ended when I felt someone PULLING FROM MY HAIR for me to get up (I hate being pulled by my hair) and it's S, who then asked me what I was talking about with L. I explained and didn't think much of it.
But since then she started with this passive-aggressive comments like "Don't go with that guy or I'll get jealous", but always in a joking manner.
Then during a music class, we're all around the piano. Suddenly, S started to pull from my shirt with nervous laughter asking me to "take her out of there" M and I laughed and help her get out, but without understanding much. We got worried when S started crying.
After a long back and forth where she wouldn't tell us what's going on, she finally said that she and L exchanged glances, he politely smiled at her and she smiled back in a weird way.
Yeah, that's it. She got nervous and was embarrased because of her weird smile.
When asked why she smiled like that she said "Because I didn't want to be cute, I wanted to be like OP".
Since then I started thinking about everything and got weirded out. I texted a friend and told them everything, they told me that she probably liked L. I though the same, but wanted to let it go because she has a boyfriend.
The next day we're eating and S is looking down, I sat down beside her and she told me "Go with your friend, L. You're replacing me with him. That's why I'm mad" I laughed awkwardly and ignored her.
A few days later I met with my best friend and told her everything, we walked to M's place and told her everything too. From the attachment to her jealousy. Needless to say, we were all weirded out.
Here's where I found out from M that S texts her A LOT every day till M replies (Neither of us is really active on social media except for S who answers messages quickly). She also told me about a dream S had and where she basically told M, that she though I was mad and distant (I was).
Everyone agress that me and L barely talk, and even if we did talk a lot, it shouldn't matter to her.
Since then I've been talking less with her. A few days ago I ate lunch with someone else (no on purpose) and I think she got mad because today she didn't try to talk to me at all (good for me tbh) and when I went to eat, she avoided our table and only sat when I was away.
I don't think I'm the asshole, but this is so confusing.
A lot of people really like her and sometimes I can be impulsive. AITAH?