I work in the mental health field and am doing a lot of telehealth sessions during the week. Usually I did my own laptop research, but right now I am nearing burnout, so I don't have the energy to sort through (and I hope you do!)
As a sample, my last two laptops were:

• Razer Blade Stealth (2017)
• Gigabyte U2442N-CF2 (2013)

The features that are most important to me are (1) an above average video camera (I was depending on an external cam & it broke down, so I need the laptop's built-in to be an acceptable Plan B)and (2) backlit keyboard (it matters a lot if the Function keys also light up, but not a deal breaker).
The way I typically use my laptop:

• I am consistently multi-tasking on different projects, and a normal day would have at least the following open: PowerPoint, Adobe, Browser, and Zoom
  • as well as being curious by nature and leaving dozens of tabs open, though sorted 😊thanks to Chrome's grouping feature)
• Due to this, I also put my laptop to sleep/hibernate at EOD (and only shutting it down about 1-3/month). (don't hate!! i know this isn't the kindest thing to do to a hardworking device)

Weight doesn't matter as much because I am no longer a student / traveling with it. However, I would prefer something on the medium-small scale. (I will leave the Large for the desktop build I plan on doing in a year or so, when I am ready for a full videogame setup. Space doesn't matter as much because I am splitting the load between G Drive/ external hard drives (e.g. USB stick).
By the way, I don't mind splitting these tasks between two devices, if need be. For example: a tablet for videoconferencing and an ultrabook for typing out notes, researching & reading journal articles, and streaming YouTube/ Spotify.
I appreciate any & all help you can offer! ^_^ thank you in advance!

So, i bought one of those half keyboards and some cool symbol key caps and shit, essentially to have like a little side keyboard with a bunch of buttons that did various things based on the game or even like, paste a sentence I commonly use for something. I was wondering if anyone could help me do this, cause god fucking damn I can’t for the life of me figure it out. Same with my mouse. They are RedDragon branded, idk if that helps, I’m not super versed in this and didn’t expect it to be so complicated lmao. Thank you!

Okay, for context I'm 18, so obviously I'm not fully grown, but I'm in college with a part time job, and a license, so I'm also not an unreliable helpless kid anymore. My Aunt and Uncle have acted as parents since I was 4 years old, because my biological parents were deadbeats who had me as young teenagers. I mention this because this is probably why my Aunt treats me the way that she does.
For as long as I can remember, my Aunt has been incredibly strict, and hard on me. She's set high expectations, at least higher than my peers, and expects no protesting to her decisions. Her word is law, and final. Because of this, I've always had to earn my privileges, and would easily get them taken away (believe me, they were always taken away), and this doesn't change as I've inched closer to my adulthood. My first job(15), my paychecks did not go to my own checking account, but HER account, so I actually lost a couple hundred dollars because she never gave me those checks. Every phone I've had, it's been monitored, she checks my photos, my messages, what apps I have. At one point she put parent restrictions on my phone, so I have to ask to download apps and whatnot. (This is still on my phone, but I don't fight her on it because she pays for my phone.) My second job(17), I had to fight with her to let me have my own debit card and checking account. She agreed on one condition, she was allowed to check on my account weekly and oversee all of my transactions. To this day, not a single week goes by where she doesn't judge me and lecture me for what I spend my money on.
Which brings me to my final note. I recently started online college classes, so I had to purchase a new PC. The PC I purchased entirely on my own. Monitor, pc, keyboard, mouse, I spent close to 1,000 dollars on it. I love it, it's my first time owning something so significant and expensive that I paid for with my hard earned money. Though, as soon as I get it, she says to me. "Let's make an agreement, only use the PC for school, don't play games on it or use to message your friends." At the time, I agreed, because I was genuinely under the impression that she was just saying that as advice.
Then as I'm setting my PC up, she demands that I only use my PC for school, and nothing else.And she demanded I verbally agree..so I did. Because protesting on it with only meet more aggression, knowing my Aunt, agreeance was the only way she'd leave me alone. Well, surprise surprise, I downloaded a game. Just one game, I thought "it couldn't hurt, it's a steam game, my friend bought me an account, might as well use it, right?" I didn't tell her, I knew she wouldn't agree to it, so last night I downloaded a game. I know I'm capable of focusing on my classes when I need do, and can push aside games for free time, like night time and weekends, but she's not convinced of that. She screamed at me for an hour, asking me "How dare you go behind my back and download games when we had an agreement." While the entire time in my head I'm thinking "It's my PC, though, I'm an adult, why do you have a say over what goes on my PC?" I'd understand if SHE bought it, I'd understand if I was 17! But I'm 18, I bought this PC without her financial help..why can't I do what I like on it and enjoy it? Maybe I'm just immature, I tried explaining my point of view, how I genuinely thought ONE game wouldn't hurt, that it wouldn't distract me from my classes, that I'd promise I'd do well. I know she's just trying to look out for me, give me the guidance my parents were never given, I know she wants me to be responsible and focus on my classes. Is having a game or few irresponsible on my PC in this context?

Hello, my friend is currently on the look for a new PC, and since he knows ABSOLUTELY nothing and i've already built one, i decided to help out with picking the parts.
This is the Pcpartpicker list that i've thought of so far: https://pcpartpicker.com/list/FB4Kt7
He told me for the budget something like 1750€. The PC is around 1600€, and he still needs peripherals: mouse, keyboard, monitor, headset and mousepad. He can stretch the budget by maybe 50€? Could you guys recommend a good peripherals set for 150-200€? For the monitor i just thought of 1080p and 120 or 144 hz. I don't like Aliexpress, i don't want anything from them. I want trustable companies like Logitech, Corsair, Steelseries etc. And he would rather take a 150€ set, he's just a casual gamer.
Now i'll explain the choices that i've made so far:
He told me that he wants a pretty aesthetic build. I asked which color and he said white is extremely good looking. So i might choose white cables on top for the GPU?
CPU: I decided to go AMD. I've never had problems in my build and they're getting better by the year. The 7 7800X3D is too expensive i think and according to userbenchmark.com it only offers a 4% better performance for over 30€ more. AM5 is also an amazing socket with a long lasting upgrade path. I decided to choose the 7 7700X.
CPU cooler: I don't know if i'm an NZXT fanboy, but if it works, don't change it. I have an NZXT case, RGB fans and LED strips all in my case. No problems whatsoever. Software has also never caused any problems. We both also think that NZXT products are good looking. He wanted AIO cooling, so i decided to look into Kraken. The 360mm are too expensive and the 120mm are too small. 280mm costs more, so 240 it is. The Kraken Elite also costs more, so no Elite. Since he wants white, we're down to the Kraken 240 RGB White.
RAM: For this one i didn't do too much research. I just looked up what the standard nowaday is and i found DDR5-6000. I also have a Corsair mouse and keyboard and i never had problems with the software. They also just made a big update to the software, it looks great. Vengeance has been a thing forever, so i just looked up and i chose Corsair Vengeance RGB 32 GB (2x16) DDR5-6000.
Storage: This one i'm not too sure about. I have had a Samsung 970 Evo Plus 1 TB for 5 years i think now. Never a single problem either. So i just picked it. But should i maybe pick the 990? I don't know.
GPU: This one is difficult. I lately switched from Nvidia to AMD and i don't want to go back. The software is so much better. The Nvidia Control Panel is absolute garbage. Drivers have been better and easier to install in my experience. All the people saying the AMD drivers are bad are just Nvidia fanboys. Finding a white GPU is the most difficult part. I wanted at least 12 GB of Vram, since Vram is playing a bigger role with every generation of GPUs. After filtering with Pcpartpicker i found the Sapphire Pure Radeon RX 7700 XT. It looked good until i saw the red part. So i continued looking and stumbled across the ASRock Steel Legend OC RX 7700 XT. I think it fits perfectly. RX 7700 XT (a really good GPU), white, 12 GB of Vram and the cheapest one that fits these requirements.
Case: Again, NZXT. I have a NZXT case and it's perfect. The H5 was too compact, my friend said. My friend didn't like the corner in the H6 cases. The H7 looked good, said my friend. The H9 are too open, said my friend and they're too expensive. From the H7 cases i decided with the H7 Flow RGB 2023. My friend preferred the 2023 version over the 2024 one. The H7 Elite was too open in the front said my friend too. So the case is the NZXT H7 Flow RGB (2023).
PSU: I have a be quiet! PSU and it hasn't failed once. So i think be quiet! is a really trusworthy company, since choosing a weak PSU is a big mistake. Pcpartpicker said the estimated wattage is 474W, so adding a bit to it i decided to go with 650W. Then i just picked the be quiet! Pure power 12 M 650 W.
Motherboard: I saved this one for last since it ties everything together. I of course wanted a white motherboard, which wasn't easy. After filtering with Pcpartpicker i came across the ASRock B650 Steel Legend. It fit all the requirements, it fits into the case and it's the cheapest one that does the two.
If i said any misinformations, i'm sorry. I know a bit about PCs, but i'm not an expert.
I'm extremely open to recommendations and i would prefer that i would rather get an opinion than nothing at all. Any help is appreciated, thank you!

2nd: Ian Rosenberger (Palau - 3rd)

friends forever <3
u/DryBonesKing:
Claims to be a dolphin trainer. Yet, he shows us no dolphin tricks. Even worse, there aren’t even any dolphins showed with him. Literally unwatchable, zero out of ten. I’m sure a New Era Dolphin Trainer would have the decency to have a flashback scene with pictures of a dolphin…
I opt to meme about Ian instead of trying to do a writeup because what is there to fucking say? It’s Ian fucking Rosenberger! I think I know more people who have Ian as their number one favorite Survivor of all than any other Survivor. That’s the pull that this guy has! I currently have placed all my chips on Twila being the one who will end up winning this Rankdown, but I think Ian is just as likely and is just as equally deserving. And just like Twila, he also has the distinct pleasure of being one of the most tragic figures in Survivor history after a very complicated story of having his morals completely and utterly tested in the worst ways possible.
The entire relationship between Ian, Tom, and Katie feels scripted. That’s how good of a story it is, because I almost refuse to believe that somehow reality can actually work the way that it did. Watching this goofy, smiley, joyful guy at the beginning and seeing him completely broken holding onto a buoy in the final immunity challenge – not even out of a desire to win but almost out of instinct and a desire to figure out who he is as a person – is some of the rawest shit I’ve ever seen. And somehow, despite all of the tragedy involved in his tale, seeing him finally make peace with himself at the very end of a brutal, neverending challenge and going out seemingly on his own terms just feels so much more personally satisfying than any other possible ending I could have imagined. Palau is a brutal, emotional watch and Ian is an incredible rollercoaster experience to observe as well, but goddamn, when it’s all said and over, it truly feels worth it by the end of it all.
Overall Rank – 6/821
~
u/Zanthosus:
Ian is my favorite character in the history of the show. I adore everything about his story. I’m naturally drawn to people who let their emotions influence their decisions in the game over strategy and there’s really nobody else to exemplify why I adore that than Ian.
~
u/Tommyroxs45:
Ian has one of the best stories in Survivor history, and I think to most, including me, that’s an object fact. His story is a testament to what Survivor does to you mentally and how important vital relationships are in Survivor, not because of the game, but for you. It’s told absolutely brilliantly and he makes the endgame of Palau probably the best endgame in the history of Survivor. He deserves his spot here, among the greats!
~
u/Regnisyak1:
Ian has one of the strongest, most emotional, incredible, captivating, enticing, exciting, craziest, and engaging stories ever on Survivor. That’s a lot of adjectives, but I think he is such a complex character and helps make Palau, Palau. Watching his breakdown at the end of the season is so rough, but such an important story and it encapsulates the power of friendship, how the island wears you down over time, the conflicting storylines involving leadership, and a subversion of gender roles of those traditionally expected in society. I love Ian, I love his relationships with other characters like Tom, Caryn, and Katie, and his place in Endgame, and eighth time overall, is completely deserved.
Personal Rank: 2/821. 10/10.
~
u/ninjedi1:
Ian is an interesting guy on Palau. He's the one that ends up beginning the formation of the dominant Koror tribe, and is pretty much in the driver's seat with Tom the entire time in premerge. However, his relationships start to fall apart as the game progresses, to the point where he's a huge emotional, mess, and makes the big decision to throw himself on the sword to let his friends make it to the end of the game.
~~~~~
u/SMC0629:
Ian Rosenberger
I think I’m done with Survivor after this writeup. I’ve come to realize that the show just isn’t for me anymore. There’s many different things I’m interested in, and have become more interested in than Survivor. It’s been nine years, nine long, but amazing years of being a loving fan of the show. From elementary school, where I’d come home awaiting the newest episode, making tribes out of people in my classes. To middle school, where I discovered Survivor content on Youtube, interacting with the people in the comment sections (if you know who A.J Deets is you’re a real one), and discovering what the “edit” was. To high school, where I discovered rankdowns. That first rankdown from 2022, and this one, have made me consider who really is my favorite character in the show. For the longest time, my favorite character has been Jonny Fairplay 1.0, and I still hold to that. However, he was sadly cut before endgame, so I had to find a second option. I had to think, who is my favorite? More importantly, what character encapsulates why I keep coming back to this show, and what makes me love it so much? There were many options, a lot of them in this very endgame roster, but one stuck out to me. One character that I’ve adored since my first watch of their season back in 2017, one that stayed in my mind when scrolling through survivor in middle school, and one that has been ranked high for me in these rankdowns. Maybe one day, he’ll even find himself at the coveted top spot, and that character is Ian Rosenberger.
Going back to that original state of mind I had, a casual Survivor fan in 2017, just now experiencing old-school Survivor (with the exception of All-Stars). Why did I like Ian right off the bat? Well, my dad’s name is Ian, I’m sure that had some part in it, along with his funny looking hair. His occupation was being a “dolphin trainer,” which I thought was really cool. On top of that though, he seemed like a chill guy, and back then I always rooted for the more physical competitors. After all, he just won the first “challenge” of the season, by racing back to shore and winning the immunity necklace. This would only continue throughout the first few episodes of the season, as Ian would be a dominant figure in the Koror tribe, being more nice than someone like Tom, but not as big in the picture. He even retrieved the reward Koror had lost at sea after their first immunity challenge.
Skipping ahead to the later half of the premerge, and I suppose the early merge as well, Ian’s charisma really shines. This is something that’s really important, not just for his character, but why I enjoyed him so much too. Back in middle school, I referred to most of my favorite old school characters as just being ones that were likable. Obviously, this doesn’t hold up now, like most of my survivor era takes (along with great ones such as “Ghost Island is my 16th favorite season”), as I had a big preference towards the newer seasons with some exceptions. However, due to the nostalgia I had for Palau, that season was always one of my favorites, and Ian was always one of my favorite contestants. While he may never have been the center of attention until the very end, he was always there in the background, making a smart comment or something. His voting confessionals are a great example, like the one for Gregg: “Gregg, you’re the dark horse, so now it’s time for the dark horse to ride out into the sunset.”
However, that background status plays into two different relationships perfectly, the two most important of the season, mind you: Katie and Tom. Katie represents his social game, the person who Ian has created the biggest bond with throughout the season, as seen through numerous moments. As for Tom, Ian’s other best friend, it plays into the factor of the game. See the thing is, Tom has always had his mind on the game, whether it’s questioning his threat level, using Steph’s target to his advantage, or thinking about his different alliances. Ian on the other hand, has floated in the background, letting Tom take the heat, intentionally or unintentionally. Either way, Tom is seen as the bigger player, and his first two immunity wins are nothing to scoff at either. It’s at the final six where both of these relationships begin to clash, and the downfall of Ian begins. At first, Gregg becomes too comfortable, making his ideal final three plan too clear, alarming Tom “it’s the cake, we didn’t come here for the icing.” With this, Tom brings in Ian to conspire against Gregg, working together with Caryn to blindside him. Once again, Tom is taking the reins, proving to be a smarter player overall than Ian, but something different happens this time. Instead, it’s Ian who takes the heat when he is forced to pull in Katie at the last minute. Katie agrees, breaking her word with Gregg and Jenn, basically sinking any chance she might have had at beating someone. Things go from dicey to outright bad for Ian quickly, as he wins the final five reward challenge, but brings Tom with him after agreeing to bring Katie beforehand. Katie is furious at Ian, and when he gets back from the reward, she lays into him, both of them shedding tears. It’s such an impactful and real moment, but the two’s friendship overcomes it, and they come together to vote out Caryn that night.
By this point, Ian knows he needs to get Tom out. That’s all he needs actually. Him and Katie in the final two is an easy 1 mil for him, he just needs to eliminate his best friend. Unfortunately, Tom pulls out another immunity win. Despite that, Tom values his friendship with Ian, and is fine keeping him around to vote off Jenn. Ian however, is foaming at the mouth to get Tom out, so bad that he actually slips up in front of him, saying that it would have been a tough decision had Tom not won immunity. Immediately, Tom’s alarm bells ring, and he knows Ian is gunning for him. The mood at tribal council is dramatically different than at camp. What could have been a remorseful goodbye to Jenn has turned into a showdown between two friends. Tom scolds Ian for betraying their friendship, and no matter how much Ian denies it, the pieces have already fallen in place. Despite Ian saving himself in fire, he may as well be a ghost to his two best friends. Katie and Tom haven’t said a word to him since tribal, and Ian breaks down in a confessional. He didn’t want to be the bad guy, it shouldn’t have gone this way. This scene really struck a chord for me on my first watch, and has always stuck with me. Despite it all, Ian still has one last chance to score the big prize, the final immunity challenge. Pretty quickly, Katie drops out, leaving it down to the final showdown against Tom. Tom still doesn’t say much to Ian, with Ian trying to stay confident. During the whole challenge though, you can tell Ian’s masking his true feelings, he wants to say so many things to Tom and Katie but can’t. The two stay up on those poles for almost 12 hours, until finally, Ian’s mask comes off. Ian says he’ll step down, and Tom can take Katie to the final two, to show that he still cares about their friendship. And for the first time in this challenge, Tom gives him a genuine response, agreeing to his wishes. Ian immediately dives off, losing his chance at the million, but winning back his two best friends. Tom votes Ian off, not his competitor Ian, not his tribemate Ian, but “my buddy Ian.” That’s all you need to hear to show that everything’s gone back to normal. Ian is the final person voted out of the game, thus ending the story of one of my favorite characters the show has ever seen.
Ian’s in a pretty close race for my favorite character of all time, there’s a lot of contenders. Fairplay, Twila, Fabio, Chris D, Sandra, all very close together alongside Ian. However, if there was one character I could choose to take their story away from the show, it would be Ian’s. I would want to be like Ian, and I think his story is inspirational to people who might not have confidence, might not be sure of themselves or what they want. Ian’s values are what I aspire to have, and I couldn’t be more thankful that I connected so much with his story. If this is the final writeup I have on this show, I’m more than happy with that. Thank you all for supporting me throughout the rankdown, thank you to the rankers for being a great group of people, thank you Survivor, and most importantly, thank you Ian.
SMC0629: 1
DryBonesKing: 6
Zanthosus: 1
Tommyroxs45: 3
Regnisyak1: 2
DavidW1208: 15
ninjedi1: 19
Average Placement: 6.714
Total Points: 47
Standard Deviation: 7.319 (7th Highest)

Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
We pulled off I-51 a little after midnight, stopping at a truck stop which was couched between the highway and a large forest.
We waited in the van for ten minutes or so. Trent had increased the sonar radius to its maximum of 30 miles a little over an hour ago. Somehow the red pings had kept up with us, holding a steady distance of around 20 miles. Considering we were averaging around 80 mph, and a coyote's top speed is only around 40 mph, we figured they had been enhanced in some way. Either that, or they shape-shifted into something faster. Regardless, now that we had stopped, we waited to see if the demon spawn would try and close the distance. Luckily, or unluckily, they didn't. They kept their 20 mile buffer, but we noticed they were beginning to spread out along the circumference of that boundary.
"We're close. They know that, so they're trying to trap us in." Trent said.
"Trying to?—more like they have."
We considered whether we should stay in the van and keep watch, but we figured that would do us little good. At their speed, they could be on us in ten minutes, which means we would need to stay up all night and keep tabs on their positions. Trent offered to stay up, of course, but I shut him down.
"The demon doesn't want to kill us now. You said it yourself. Plus, we need our rest. If they come, they come."
Trent didn't like it, but he acquiesced.
The truck stop had all the essentials: a gas station and mini mart with showers and an attached McDonald's, a large parking lot for truckers to idle and sleep, and even a section with lodging for those who wanted a more comfortable night's rest. I told Trent that he should take advantage of the showers, and after a little convincing, he agreed. While he was cleaning himself up, I patrolled the dingy, half-stocked aisles of "Daisy's Quick Mart". I probably would have been appalled at the quality of the store had I actually been paying any attention to it whatsoever. But I wasn't. I was thinking hard about what awaited me tomorrow.
During the drive, I had asked Trent why the demon would want us to return to the crash site. What did he mean that I would be 'confronting a dark entity in a place he couldn't help me'? He seemed hesitant to answer, but my little stunt outside the storage facility seemed to have sufficiently motivated him.
"When I said I've never done this before, I meant it." Trent started. "I've never done this exact thing before—meaning I've never projected someone into the past."
"So, I'm time traveling?" I asked.
"No—don't think of it like that." Trent paused, trying to come up with a good explanation. "It's more like I'm opening a window for you to look through: not a door. You're going to see the past, but you can't interact with the physicalities there. But that doesn't mean you can't interact with anything."
There was a space of silence as Trent tried to let me work out his meaning for myself. "I don't get it. Are you saying there's something I can interact with? Like what?" And then it hit me. "The demon. The demon can interact with me? Meaning what? It can kill me?"
"Meaning… I'm not exactly sure. You're going to be in a kind of psychic space. If it does damage, it won't be to your body. It'll be to your mind—or spirit. But I don't know what the limits of that damage could be. I just don't have those answers."
"If you've never done this, how do you know any of it will work?"
"That's an easy one." Trent answered. "Because it's been done to me."
There was silence.
"Look, if I know anything, I know my tech. Don't doubt that this will work. It's my job to make sure it does. I just need you to be in the right mental for this. Just because it knows your coming doesn't mean it automatically has the upper hand. It won't be able to see you unless you make contact with it first. In other words, you have to initiate contact. As long as you remain a spectator, you should be okay. Trust me. Just don't make contact."
I started pacing faster—fast enough to catch the attention of the overnight shift worker, a young man whose name I can't quite remember. I know it started with a "J". Jake, maybe? Anyway, he asked if I was alright, to which I responded in the affirmative. He left me alone for another couple passes, but when I almost ran into one of the shelves, he stood up and said, "Uh—I'm going to have to ask you to stop running around. I don't want you to hurt yourself."
I must have stared daggers at him, because he recoiled from my gaze. What's gotten into me? I thought. Then, steadying myself, I apologized. I looked around and grabbed the nearest edible looking piece of merchandise: a bag of Swedish Fish, and placed it down on the counter. "Just this, please."
The cashier rang me up. It was surprisingly cheap.
"Are you sure you're alright?" the young man asked. He was tall with brown hair. He seemed tired—maybe even more tired than me. But he also seemed kind.
I smiled as best I could and said, "No, I'm not. But there's not really anything you can do. Hell, there might not be anything I can do." I furrowed my eyebrows at my own response, realizing that imminent death may have broken my verbal filter.
On the other hand, the cashier did not seem surprised at all. "Ah, I see. It's one of those problems." He responded. "Well, hey, for what it's worth, you seem like one of the resilient ones. I think you'll be alright."
I only smiled and nodded at his mildly cryptic comment. Looking back, the whole interaction was a bit strange, but I had way too much mental clutter to recognize that in the moment. I took my Swedish Fish and walked through the anteroom which led to McDonald's. I found an open yellow booth that wasn't littered with crumpled straw sleeves and sat down, chomping mindlessly on my little red fish until Trent returned. When he arrived, he took my place, and I went to shower. After we were both clean and fed, we returned to the van. The pings were still pushed safely out of harm's way. But that didn't mean we were out of harm's way. Trent asked me if I wanted to sleep in the van, saying that "it'd be the safest place."
I thought it over. He was right, obviously. The van was not only outfitted with weapons I couldn't even begin to understand, but it was also our escape, and it would be just as difficult, if not more difficult to break into than the studio-style motel rooms with their wood doors and big windows. Still, if this was going to be my last night on earth, I wanted to sleep in a bed. A real bed. Trent understood and said he'd stay parked right outside my room for the night.
After purchasing a key from the night attendant, I moseyed over to the cement walkways which connected the twenty or so rooms. Mine was room #56, which I thought was odd since, like I said, there were only 20 rooms. I lugged in my tomato plushie and dad's old book and placed them on the queen mattress.
"I'll be right outside." Trent said after I collapsed onto the bed.
"Trent," I called out, stopping him half-way through the door.
"Yeah?"
All the blood in my body rushed up to my face as I realized my unfiltered mouth almost reflexively said the word "stay". I stared at Trent, my heart beating, my face hot. I considered asking him to sleep on the floor like my dad, but that would be childish and impolite. The alternative was to share my bed… Or I could take the floor.
"I'll just be right outside." Trent said before my mind processed a solution. "Come by if you need anything. I'll be up most of the night anyway."
"Okay," I replied in a faint voice.
Trent shut the door.
I sat atop the bedsheets and acquainted myself with my new living space. A feeling of regret closed over me as I considered that even sleeping on a carseat would have been better if it meant I didn't have to be alone. With a sigh, I turned on the bedside lamp and grabbed the book and stuffed tomato, using the tomato as a backrest as I slipped my legs under the covers and situated the book upright on my thighs. I cracked it open and was immediately blasted with a puff of dusty, old book scent. It was ripe at first, and I turned my head away to sneeze, but as I perused through the pages, the scent grew on me. It reminded me of the days growing up when I'd step into dad's study and read through one of the many volumes on cryptic topics which were at least two college degrees above my Lexile range.
I was only a couple minutes into browsing the collection of different scientific and philosophical works when I came across a page which contained highlighted text. This was unusual, as my dad would never mark up his books. He was a purist on that point. I rubbed my thumb over the yellow lines, and sure enough, it was highlighter.
The highlighted text was part of a small book by Carl Jung called "Synchronicity". There were a total of three pages that were marked, and they advanced like this:
Page 5:
The philosophical principle that underlies our conception of natural law is causality*. But if the connection between cause and effect turns out to be only statistically valid and relatively true, then the causal principle is only of relative use for explaining natural processes… That is as much to say that the connection of events may in certain circumstances be other than causal, and require another principle of explanation.*
Page 19:
…there are events which are related to one another experimentally, and in this case meaningfully*, without there being any possibility of proving that this relation is a causal one, since the "transmission" exhibits none of the known properties of energy…a situation which does not yet exist and will only occur in the future could transmit itself as a phenomenon of energy to a receiver in the present…Therefore, it cannot be a question of cause and effect, but of a falling together in time, a kind of simultaneity... "synchronicity"*
Page 22:
A young woman I was treating had, at a critical moment, a dream in which she was given a golden scarab. While she was telling me this dream I sat with my back to the closed window. Suddenly I heard a noise behind me, like a gentle tapping. I turned round and saw a flying insect knocking against the window pane from outside. I opened the window and caught the creature in the air as it flew in. It was the nearest analogy to a golden scarab that one finds in our latitudes, a scarabaeid beetle, the common rose-chafer… which contrary to its usual habits had evidently felt an urge to get into a dark room at this particular moment.
I flipped through the rest of the pages of the book. There was no more highlighted text, but there was a message on the last page which read:
Matthew 7:7-8
I'll meet you in the darkest place.
He also included his typical smiley face which had an ovular shape and three sprouts of hair which I now realized kind of resembled my tomato plushie. It was my dad's writing, of course. But why? And how? What did this mean?
The motel had a Bible stashed away in the nighstand drawer. I got it out and looked up the verses which read the following:
Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you: for every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened.
I spent maybe an hour ruminating on all of this. The whole discourse on energy and causality and a "falling together in time" just seemed so right. It was clear that my dad definitely did know what I was going through, but for whatever reason, he made it seem like he was oblivious. Why had he hidden that from me? I felt like I was being pulled in two directions. On the one hand, my dad loved me enough to leave this note, maybe even knowing the exact moment I'd need it. But on the other hand, he had neglected my struggles throughout my entire childhood. He even lied at times. Was this really enough to make up for all of that?
And then there was the section about the future transmitting energy to the past. I read back through the whole paragraph and the original writer had meant it to say this as something that wasn't possible, but my dad's highlighting made it seem like he wanted to flip the meaning. The future does affect the past. I thought about where I was headed and wondered if I would soon discover that for myself.
Lastly, dad's message. The Bible verse reminded me of the first time I prayed; how I reached out to God and received peace as an answer to my prayer. Now I feel like I'm actively seeking… something, but I don't know yet what I'll find. And then there's knocking. At first that reminded me of the story with the beetle tapping on the window, but then I went back even deeper in my memory and dug out the monster tapping at my window, and the words my dad spoke to me in order to set my mind at ease: "you're a superhero. And you know what your greatest superpower is? Your greatest power is you get to tell the monsters what to do. Because the monsters are only as strong as the stories you tell about them…so if you're ever scared, honey, just dream up a better story."
I was crying into my stuffed tomato now. I felt like all the blinking pieces of my life had finally been pulled together into a completed puzzle. This was all by design. My entire life, filled with so much chaos and confusion, was actually preparing me for this moment. And my dad thought I had the tools and strength enough to get through it. I flipped through the book one more time, thinking maybe he had left some other hidden comment—some formula to defeat this demon and return home. But there was nothing. Only that one comment: "I'll meet you in the darkest place."
What's the darkest place, dad? Is that where I'm going? Are you saying you'll be there, too?
With those thoughts in mind, my eyes became heavy shutters which, with a slight pressure on the pulley, winded shut. My swimming thoughts and firework-like fears dissipated, and I returned to a precious childhood memory. It was after an evening soccer practice. Summer. Dad was driving me to Dairy Queen. I got a cherry-dipped twist cone. I was happy.
So, so happy.
***
I woke up to sunlight blaring through my windows. Shit, I overslept, was my immediate thought. I threw off my covers and opened the front door. A glance at the clock showed 1:13 PM. I shouldn't have even been allowed to stay checked in this long. Damn, am I gonna get double-billed for this?
I heard a rummaging sound around the corner of my motel room. It sounded like a squirrel was trying to find an afternoon snack in one of the garbage bins. I stepped outside. The sun was extremely bright, to the point where I had to squint and put my hand over my eyes to even see the ground in front of me. I was trying to walk toward the van, but somehow I ended up in front of the trash bins where the animal's tail was sticking out from a turned-over, silver garbage can. Its tail was wagging excitedly, and I remember thinking that it was much too large to be a squirrel.
The animal bent down as if biting onto something, and I heard the sound of its growl as it struggled to tug whatever it was free from the barrel. Inch by inch, the creature backed out of the canister, and more of its sharp, sticky hair was revealed. I heard something snap, then the creature leapt back and I saw what it was chomping on. My eyes widened in horror as the pink tube of a human intestine was pulled taut like the end of a tangled hose. Blood and entrails were spilling out of the human's opened gut. And then, behind the canine, I saw the person's face. His face was pale white, his eyes closed, and his hair was slicked back… It was Trent.
Before I could react, I heard footsteps approaching from behind. I whirled around and saw my dad. But—no, it wasn't him. It was someone wearing a paper-mache face mask that was painted to look like my dad. The forehead of the mask was already beginning to crack, white specks breaking off like sawdust. Through the cracks, I could see the figure's true form. I didn't know darkness had its own type of light, but that's the only way to describe it. It was as if malevolence itself was reified into a skin which was actually an amalgamation of millions of little, oozing parasites that leached into the nearby light. When it finally spoke, the demon's voice was a full octave lower than the old man's at the deli. And it had an earth-stilling gravitas.
"Today's the day!" He sang and reached into his pocket. His lips curled upward into a foxy smirk. "You have no idea how long I've waited for this day." He said and held up a razor blade. Half his facade had already fallen apart, and now I could see the bugs up close, writhing in what was either horror or ecstasy. And his scent… it was somehow more rank than the rabid coyote rummaging through the trash can with Trent's cut open body inside. The demon closed in on my position, and in one, decisive motion, he brought the blade close to his chin, then sliced it across my throat. "Wake up!" He screamed.
I jumped out of my bed and grabbed my throat, feeling the cold sting of its quick slice. Hyperventilating, I patted the area down, trying to hold the blood in, but when I removed my hands, I saw they were dry. It was only a dream, I thought. Gray light was only beginning to filter in through the drapes. I'm in my hotel room. I'm safe. I tried consoling, but the pragmatic mental massages weren't enough to hold the force of my knees buckling. I dropped onto the carpet and cried for a long while.
Outside, rain was beginning to fall.
***
By the time I met up with Trent, I had already composed myself and decided to keep my dad's message and the nightmare to myself. None of it seemed particularly productive from a logistical standpoint, anyway. And I wanted to focus on the mission.
We stopped by McDonald's and bought a couple cups of coffee. Trent asked if I wanted any food, and I declined. Black coffee seemed like the only thing my stomach could take at the present moment. I could tell Trent was hungry, but he tried playing it off (I guess to be respectful of me?) I told him to knock it off and get something to eat. I didn't need my Charon getting lightheaded and dropping the paddle before he finished rowing me to Hell. He didn't care much for my joke, but he ordered a couple Chicken McGriddles at the kiosk anyway.
There were maybe ten patrons spread throughout the restaurant. We sat down at the same booth from the prior night, this time across from one another. Trent spent the first ten minutes or so babbling about our fuel supply and the logistics of the trip from here on in. Practical stuff. I've come to realize that's how he deals with his stress. He talks it out in short, durable sentences. I mostly nodded and watched as what looked like a storm front closed in on the truck stop. The sky was overcast, and there were darker clouds in the distance. The rain was still only a patter, but a middle-aged man wearing a yellow bow tie on the wall-mounted TV confirmed that there would be heavier rain and thunderstorms very soon.
After the worker delivered Trent's food and he ate it in record time, I posed the one question that was still on my mind.
"How do I fight him?" I asked.
Trent finished a large gulp of his coffee, then looked at me. It was the first substantial thing I'd said all morning; Trent could tell something was off with me, but he figured there was no point in asking what it was. "By 'him', I assume you mean the demon?"
I nodded.
Trent licked his teeth clean. "You could try praying again."
"I'm serious," I responded.
"I'm serious, too. It worked before, didn't it?"
"You mean at my house?"
Trent nodded.
"I thought you weren't a religious man?"
"I'm not. Just a practical one. If praying worked before, maybe it'll work again."
"That's the best you've got? A maybe?"
"No, I've got a lot of shit better than a maybe." He answered. "It's just not accessible where you're going. Which is why I recommend not making contact on the first run."
"First run? So we're going to do this more than once?"
"At least," Trent answered. Then, seeing my expression, he continued. "What? You thought this was going to be a one-and-done? We have to conduct some research first. I did tell you this was new for me, right?"
Somehow Trent's response had set my mind at ease a little. I was going to have more than one chance. Of course, why wouldn't I be able to go back more than once?
"Why didn't you tell me this earlier? It would have gone a long way in easing my mind."
Trent lifted his hands in defense. "Sorry, I just thought that was a given. I mean, what we're doing is dangerous, just like I said, but it doesn't mean we aren't going to approach this as safely and scientifically as possible. However, there is a different problem with running multiple trials."
"The Organization?"
"That's right," Trent said like a proud parent. "Our little experiment will be like a giant spotlight, and the longer we wait around after it's on us, the greater the chance we'll have unwelcome company."
"So, safe but speedy."
"Safe but speedy. Exactly."
***
We fueled up and were back on the road a little after 8:00. From that point on, Trent and I were absolutely silent. I had the distinct feeling of being in the eye of a storm. The pings moved closer commensurate with our progress toward the crash site. The cloudfront continued its advance. And I noticed a haze beginning to descend onto the road ahead of us. It was fog.
We meandered further inland, the forest thickening around us until the rain almost stopped entirely—the leaves drinking it up before it fell onto our windshield. I kept my eyes on the radar. We were approaching the large yellow circle which indicated we had arrived. As we pulled closer, I began to feel things. Fear. Eeriness. Doubt. Then happiness. Hope. Love. Normally feelings like these had a clear source to picture, but these sensations came on in waves without any discernible reason. It was almost as if they were blinking into existence inside me.
"Here we go," Trent said like an airline pilot readying his crew for turbulence.
I still recall the exact moment we crossed the boundary into the area of higher energy. It was like something just "clicked" in my brain, and all of a sudden everything felt so much closer. The sound of the rain against the trees was almost right next to my ear. The trees in the distance would oscillate between their position a half-mile out, then suddenly seem five meters away. If I focused on something long enough, it began to radiate those same ethereal particles as when Trent released Ava's "phase lock". I checked to make sure the shifter wasn't set to "TD". Sure enough, it was still in drive.
"Can you see them?" Trent asked. "The shifts?"
"Yeah," I said in a dreamy voice. I felt like I was driving through a wonderland.
"It's the energy. I barely notice a difference. A bit of movement in the trees, but not much else. But I'm sure for you, it's a whole experience."
"What is this?" I raised my hand and caught some of the pixel dust dripping off the sun visor. It disappeared when it made contact with my hand.
"It's a kind of radiation. Everything emits it, just in different quantities. I'm still not exactly sure how it relates to the other realms, but I'm guessing it's a kind of primordial matter that helps connect our worlds."
"It's beautiful," I exclaimed. "I wish I could see the world like this all the time."
"Maybe you will," Trent whispered.
As we arrived at the crash site, I began to get glimpses of the past. My childhood dreams and memories were pushing their way out from my subconscious. I noticed an increased number of blinks, which were validated by Ava who reported the following: "Currently detecting 14,350 novel emergences and 2,777 controlled agents. Net anomalies: 2,777."
"That's a lot of blinks." I remarked. "Why doesn't Ava include them in the net anomalies?"
Trent turned his head so I could see his smirk. "Because blinks aren't anomalies."
I thought about it for a second. Blinks aren't anomalies. "I never thought about it that way."
"It's hard to think about it that way when 'normal' for most people means not picking up on a fundamental aspect of reality. But that doesn't make it any less real."
We continued past the epicenter of the yellow circle. "Are we not stopping?" I asked. "I think we already passed the crash site."
"It doesn't have to be exactly at the site," Trent said. "Plus, we don't want to stop on the side of the road and risk getting some civilian involved. There's a field about half a mile up ahead. I'm going to pull off the road and set up camp there.
The "field" that Trent was referring to was actually a large clearing that dipped down into several trench-like troughs which were filled to the brim with fog like witches cauldrons. Further on in the distance, I saw open fields, probably used for farming, and then a large hill where the trees once again reasserted themselves. We had pulled off the road and up a small incline where the trees had already been broken down, leaving a trail for us to drive through. When we surfaced at the edge of the clearing, Trent pulled us onto a flat bed of dried mud which was maybe thirty yards long.
"Here," he said with a sigh.
We both sat for a minute, looking around at the field. We had finally arrived. The rain was beginning to pick up, and the dark sky made it almost impossible to discern the time of day.
"You ready?" Trent asked.
I looked at him. Really looked at him. In his blue eyes. Was I ready? Did it even matter?
"Let's do this," I said.
***
This was the first time I was really able to inspect the back of Trent's van. He had talked up his gear a lot, and honestly, I was impressed. Not in the way that a scientist is impressed by another scientist's lab—I wasn't any kind of expert—but it still seemed remarkably well managed. Now that I was in a state where my vision had been enhanced, I could actually see the enigmatic particles circulating through the pneumatic tubes which were coiled like the pipes and valves of an elaborate wind instrument. The walls of the van, itself, were glistening white, making it easier to make out everything else inside. Along the floor were five overturned columns. Each column was dark and had a vibrating quality, as if they were charged with energy. Then atop the center three columns was a small altar which supported an apparatus with two skinny, metal arms holding a silver halo. At present, the arms were folded and the halo was suspended a few inches above the altar, faced-down. I thought maybe I'd see particles exuding from it, but instead it was emitting visible waves which bent and warped everything they touched.
"That thing is emitting a lot of energy." I remarked, gesturing toward the halo.
Trent stepped in between the columns and started pulling out the packages he had stuffed in there yesterday. "Just wait till' it's on."
Most of the packages contained only a single piece of equipment, and were otherwise packed with foam peanuts. We carefully removed each box and set them on the ground outside. I asked if the rain would damage any of the stuff inside, to which Trent only laughed and continued lugging out the boxes. When they were all out, Trent removed a box cutter from his pocket and went one-by-one opening them. There were eight pieces in total.
"What is it?" I asked as we fished the first item out.
"It's another apparatus, like the one inside. Except it'll mount on the ground out here."
I pulled out what looked like a metal tripod.
"Good, that'll go on the bottom."
"Where are we setting it up?"
"Over here," Trent said and stepped five paces away from the van. He coordinated himself up so he was centrally aligned with the inner ring, then stomped a few times. "This is the spot."
As we continued to work, I asked Trent about how the whole contraption works.
"Do you remember the first time we were in the van? When we had to escape from the semi-truck?" Trent asked and connected a secondary mounting apparatus on top of the tripod. It had four spider-like legs that made right angles and stuck into the ground.
"Of course," I said. "The 'phase lock'."
"Yeah," Trent said and gestured toward the metal stick that was in my hand. I handed it to him. "The phase lock is a seal on the level of energy that the van is allowed to release. It also controls its dispersion pattern so that it releases its energy in a steady wave. This allows Ava to scan for anomalies without causing us to become an anomaly." Trent stuck the plank into the neck of the tripod.
"So when you released the phase lock, we started emitting more energy."
"That's right." Trent confirmed. "Enough to create an alternate route through a different realm."
"So we blinked into a different realm, then back, just to avoid that truck?"
"That's right."
"But why couldn't we just move out of the way?"
"Because it had locked onto us. It was tracking our motion and adjusting its course based on the amount of energy we were emitting. So in order to escape, we had to radically skew our potential energy and then use it to shift."
"Couldn't he have just followed us?"
Trent connected four more pieces to the device which now looked like an elaborate teepee. He was fishing in the last box when he spoke again. "Yeah, he could have. But it was highly improbable that he would have found us." Trent returned from the bottom of the box with another silver ring in hand. "Think of it like this. Let's say you're trying to escape from some bad guy who's coming after you, and you enter a new room you've never seen before. Would you prefer this room to have three doors to go through, or ten?"
I thought about his riddle for a second, then responded, "It depends where they go."
Trent fastened the ring atop the teepee. "Let's say they all lead to random places, or let's say they're all closets that lead nowhere. The key is that more is better, because the more doors he has to check, the less likely he is to pick the correct one. Make sense?"
"So we opened up a bunch of doors and escaped through one at random?"
"Hence the gear 'TD', for 'Trap Door'."
I marveled at the insights, but not for long. Trent hopped back in the van and pulled a lever that I hadn't seen until now. The two metal arms raised the inner ring until it was perpendicular with the altar. Then Trent clicked one of three red buttons along the back wall, and I saw what looked like a large, glass eye suspended in a magnifying glass protruding from the wall, aligned with the center of both rings. A couple seconds later, the glass eye began to focus the energy which was being fed to it from the pneumatic tubes, and a blue pyramid of light projected from it into the first ring, then from the first ring into the second ring. All three pieces were aligned at slightly diminishing heights, so the cylinder of light beamed through the second ring, into the ground.
"Alright, time for the first trial."
I felt the nerves starting up in my stomach. Trent sensed this and hopped out of the truck. It was raining quite hard now, though it was still warm. Both Trent and I were soaked, but that hardly concerned us. He reached out and put his hand on my shoulder. "I know you're feeling scared." He said. "But trust me on this. You're going to do fine. Just keep in mind what we talked about. Stay a spectator. Okay?"
I looked into his blue eyes, which seemed especially gray in the dark. Still, Trent's voice was reassuring. All I had to do was trust him. Trust myself. Trust my dad. And it was all going to turn out right.
"I'm ready," I said.
Trent was still for a second, holding my eyes in his. Then he guided me behind the outer ring and into the cylinder of light.
"I should step into it now?" I asked, afraid I'd be called away immediately.
"It's not on yet, so don't worry. I still have to press another button."
I followed Trent's instructions and stood in the blue light which was centered on my chest. Then I watched as Trent ran into the back of the van and posted up next to the glass eye. "Ready?" He yelled out. It was hard to hear him over the rain, but I yelled back. "Ready!"
The next thing I saw was a blinding blue light beam from the van. I heard what sounded like a laser, then saw the cylinder oscillate, expanding and compressing. When the energy reached the second ring, I saw everything around me light up—it looked brighter than noon on a cloudless day. Then the oscillations made their way to me, and I was swallowed up whole.
***
When I came to, I was in the backseat of a car. I felt my butt rumbling. Everything was dim and quiet. And then I heard a woman's voice from in front of me.
"Mark, please, not with Lauren in the back."
The man, who I now identified as my father, pulled the cigarette away from his lips and blew the smoke at my mom. He eyed the back seat where I was sitting, using one of five markers that hadn't rolled off my lap to color a rabbit in my animal color book.
"The kid's fine." he said and took another drag.
"Mark," my mom repeated.
I saw my dad raise his hand in a rapid motion. "I said she's fine, Cheryl. Now check the map and make sure we're going the right away. I can't see shit with all this fog."
I took a moment to make sure I was really in the back seat. I patted myself. I clearly had weight. Then I tried touching the car. At first, my fingertips met a solid surface, but when I tried to press through, my hand slipped into the car. I quickly pulled my hand away as if I had reached into a fire.
That's when I heard the little three year old next to me start crying. I turned and saw that little-me had dropped another couple markers onto the ground and was struggling to reach them.
"Hey!" my dad shouted. "What did I say about crying?"
"Quit it, Mark. She just dropped her markers." said my mom; she turned to help me pick them up.
"What did you say to me?" Mark spat with a voice full of guile. He reached out and pushed her back into her seat. "Don't," he commanded. "She has to learn how to deal with life."
"Deal…" My mom started in disbelief. "Deal with life? Do you hear yourself? What's gotten into you?"
"Sometimes shit happens. It doesn't give her the right to cry. You helping her is just going to reinforce her behavior."
"Her behavior? What about your behavior? You're acting like a total dick."
I didn't even have a moment to react before my dad's hand was across my mom's face. I felt the slap more than I heard it, my own face seeming to swell with the force of the blow. I saw my mom cover her mouth and lean away. Then little-me began to cry even louder, which only challenged my dad to step up his own volume.
"Everyone needs to get a fucking grip before I crash this car." My dad shouted and took another drag. The scariest part was I couldn't tell if he was warning us or threatening us. I felt the sudden urge to do something. There was no way this was real. I was definitely in some fantasy concocted by the demon. He wanted to turn me against my dad. That was the only explanation for something like this. My dad was a good man, not… this.
As I contemplated what to do, I saw a small, golden light appear behind little-me's window. Apparently she saw it, too, because her cries hushed as she traced the wisp with her eyes. After a second, the wisp transformed into a bunny rabbit, reminiscent of the one she was coloring. The rabbit hopped alongside the window, then did a couple circles in place. I watched little me let out a playful laugh and reach toward the window.
"What's going on back there?" my dad asked with a scowl. Apparently the only sound more disturbing than cries were laughs.
I looked back to the front and saw my mom wiping blood from her lip. Her expression was miserable. "Leave her alone, Mark."
"I'll do whatever I damn well want to do, Cheryl. It's my kid back there."
My mom was quiet.
When I looked back toward the rabbit, it was no longer a rabbit but a person. Or at least it looked like a person. The figure radiated pure gold, and atop his head was what appeared to be a King's crown. I recalled Allison's experience of seeing the sun-like figure in her moment of distress. Was that what was happening here? Was this really all true?
"Hey!" My dad shouted, eyeing little-me from the rear-view mirror. "What are you reaching at?"
I looked and saw the golden figure extending his hand toward the window, and little me's hand was reaching back. "Mom, dad, it bright." little-me said.
"What's bright, honey?" my mom asked.
"Don't encourage her, Cheryl."
"Someone there!" little me shouted happily and dropped the rest of the markers and the coloring book onto the ground.
"Who's there?" asked my mom.
"Cheryl, I swear to God. Sit the fuck down."
Everything from that moment on happened so quickly I barely had any time to process it. My mom lifted out of her seat to either get little me's attention or help me pick up my coloring book. My dad responded by grabbing onto her throat, letting go of the steering wheel entirely. He threw her back against the car door, and her head hit the window so hard, the glass cracked. My dad had dropped his cigarette, and I could smell smoke coming from under his seat, but that didn't seem to bother him at all. He turned toward little-me at the same moment my three-year-old hand reached out and grabbed onto the golden figure, whose hand diffused through the window. When my dad turned, I got a whiff of the most awful smell that I wouldn't have been able to place had I not had that nightmare last night. He grabbed onto little-me's shoulder and tugged her away from the golden figure that was trying to pull her the other way. My dad's facade began to crack, and I could see those dark bugs crawling out from the pores in his arms, marching down toward little-me.
I reacted.
I grabbed onto my dad's arm and pulled him off little-me. I heard the sound of my shirt ripping as she was torn from his grip and pulled out of the car, diffusing through it like a ghost. My brief victory was immediately overturned as I saw what was now clearly the demon smiling at me, his wretched fingers curled around my forearm.
"Caught you," He sneered.
Then the whole world once again diffused into countless numbers of particles, only this time, instead of riding through it, I felt like I was falling through an elevator shaft with each floor darker than the last. The further I fell, the less I became aware of my surroundings, and the more I felt a deep sense of loneliness. It was as if I was the only person in the whole world: and the whole world was a prison designed entirely for me. This went on for so long, I began to forget who I was. Where I was. What was.
And then I landed.
***
Source Used:
Jung, Carl. Synchronicity. Translated by Sonu Shamdasani, Princeton University Press, 2010.

Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Content Warning: Domestic Abuse
***
We pulled off I-51 a little after midnight, stopping at a truck stop which was couched between the highway and a large forest.
We waited in the van for ten minutes or so. Trent had increased the sonar radius to its maximum of 30 miles a little over an hour ago. Somehow the red pings had kept up with us, holding a steady distance of around 20 miles. Considering we were averaging around 80 mph, and a coyote's top speed is only around 40 mph, we figured they had been enhanced in some way. Either that, or they shape-shifted into something faster. Regardless, now that we had stopped, we waited to see if the demon spawn would try and close the distance. Luckily, or unluckily, they didn't. They kept their 20 mile buffer, but we noticed they were beginning to spread out along the circumference of that boundary.
"We're close. They know that, so they're trying to trap us in." Trent said.
"Trying to?—more like they have."
We considered whether we should stay in the van and keep watch, but we figured that would do us little good. At their speed, they could be on us in ten minutes, which means we would need to stay up all night and keep tabs on their positions. Trent offered to stay up, of course, but I shut him down.
"The demon doesn't want to kill us now. You said it yourself. Plus, we need our rest. If they come, they come."
Trent didn't like it, but he acquiesced.
The truck stop had all the essentials: a gas station and mini mart with showers and an attached McDonald's, a large parking lot for truckers to idle and sleep, and even a section with lodging for those who wanted a more comfortable night's rest. I told Trent that he should take advantage of the showers, and after a little convincing, he agreed. While he was cleaning himself up, I patrolled the dingy, half-stocked aisles of "Daisy's Quick Mart". I probably would have been appalled at the quality of the store had I actually been paying any attention to it whatsoever. But I wasn't. I was thinking hard about what awaited me tomorrow.
During the drive, I had asked Trent why the demon would want us to return to the crash site. What did he mean that I would be 'confronting a dark entity in a place he couldn't help me'? He seemed hesitant to answer, but my little stunt outside the storage facility seemed to have sufficiently motivated him.
"When I said I've never done this before, I meant it." Trent started. "I've never done this exact thing before—meaning I've never projected someone into the past."
"So, I'm time traveling?" I asked.
"No—don't think of it like that." Trent paused, trying to come up with a good explanation. "It's more like I'm opening a window for you to look through: not a door. You're going to see the past, but you can't interact with the physicalities there. But that doesn't mean you can't interact with anything."
There was a space of silence as Trent tried to let me work out his meaning for myself. "I don't get it. Are you saying there's something I can interact with? Like what?" And then it hit me. "The demon. The demon can interact with me? Meaning what? It can kill me?"
"Meaning… I'm not exactly sure. You're going to be in a kind of psychic space. If it does damage, it won't be to your body. It'll be to your mind—or spirit. But I don't know what the limits of that damage could be. I just don't have those answers."
"If you've never done this, how do you know any of it will work?"
"That's an easy one." Trent answered. "Because it's been done to me."
There was silence.
"Look, if I know anything, I know my tech. Don't doubt that this will work. It's my job to make sure it does. I just need you to be in the right mental for this. Just because it knows your coming doesn't mean it automatically has the upper hand. It won't be able to see you unless you make contact with it first. In other words, you have to initiate contact. As long as you remain a spectator, you should be okay. Trust me. Just don't make contact."
I started pacing faster—fast enough to catch the attention of the overnight shift worker, a young man whose name I can't quite remember. I know it started with a "J". Jake, maybe? Anyway, he asked if I was alright, to which I responded in the affirmative. He left me alone for another couple passes, but when I almost ran into one of the shelves, he stood up and said, "Uh—I'm going to have to ask you to stop running around. I don't want you to hurt yourself."
I must have stared daggers at him, because he recoiled from my gaze. What's gotten into me? I thought. Then, steadying myself, I apologized. I looked around and grabbed the nearest edible looking piece of merchandise: a bag of Swedish Fish, and placed it down on the counter. "Just this, please."
The cashier rang me up. It was surprisingly cheap.
"Are you sure you're alright?" the young man asked. He was tall with brown hair. He seemed tired—maybe even more tired than me. But he also seemed kind.
I smiled as best I could and said, "No, I'm not. But there's not really anything you can do. Hell, there might not be anything I can do." I furrowed my eyebrows at my own response, realizing that imminent death may have broken my verbal filter.
On the other hand, the cashier did not seem surprised at all. "Ah, I see. It's one of those problems." He responded. "Well, hey, for what it's worth, you seem like one of the resilient ones. I think you'll be alright."
I only smiled and nodded at his mildly cryptic comment. Looking back, the whole interaction was a bit strange, but I had way too much mental clutter to recognize that in the moment. I took my Swedish Fish and walked through the anteroom which led to McDonald's. I found an open yellow booth that wasn't littered with crumpled straw sleeves and sat down, chomping mindlessly on my little red fish until Trent returned. When he arrived, he took my place, and I went to shower. After we were both clean and fed, we returned to the van. The pings were still pushed safely out of harm's way. But that didn't mean we were out of harm's way. Trent asked me if I wanted to sleep in the van, saying that "it'd be the safest place."
I thought it over. He was right, obviously. The van was not only outfitted with weapons I couldn't even begin to understand, but it was also our escape, and it would be just as difficult, if not more difficult to break into than the studio-style motel rooms with their wood doors and big windows. Still, if this was going to be my last night on earth, I wanted to sleep in a bed. A real bed. Trent understood and said he'd stay parked right outside my room for the night.
After purchasing a key from the night attendant, I moseyed over to the cement walkways which connected the twenty or so rooms. Mine was room #56, which I thought was odd since, like I said, there were only 20 rooms. I lugged in my tomato plushie and dad's old book and placed them on the queen mattress.
"I'll be right outside." Trent said after I collapsed onto the bed.
"Trent," I called out, stopping him half-way through the door.
"Yeah?"
All the blood in my body rushed up to my face as I realized my unfiltered mouth almost reflexively said the word "stay". I stared at Trent, my heart beating, my face hot. I considered asking him to sleep on the floor like my dad, but that would be childish and impolite. The alternative was to share my bed… Or I could take the floor.
"I'll just be right outside." Trent said before my mind processed a solution. "Come by if you need anything. I'll be up most of the night anyway."
"Okay," I replied in a faint voice.
Trent shut the door.
I sat atop the bedsheets and acquainted myself with my new living space. A feeling of regret closed over me as I considered that even sleeping on a carseat would have been better if it meant I didn't have to be alone. With a sigh, I turned on the bedside lamp and grabbed the book and stuffed tomato, using the tomato as a backrest as I slipped my legs under the covers and situated the book upright on my thighs. I cracked it open and was immediately blasted with a puff of dusty, old book scent. It was ripe at first, and I turned my head away to sneeze, but as I perused through the pages, the scent grew on me. It reminded me of the days growing up when I'd step into dad's study and read through one of the many volumes on cryptic topics which were at least two college degrees above my Lexile range.
I was only a couple minutes into browsing the collection of different scientific and philosophical works when I came across a page which contained highlighted text. This was unusual, as my dad would never mark up his books. He was a purist on that point. I rubbed my thumb over the yellow lines, and sure enough, it was highlighter.
The highlighted text was part of a small book by Carl Jung called "Synchronicity". There were a total of three pages that were marked, and they advanced like this:
Page 5:
The philosophical principle that underlies our conception of natural law is causality*. But if the connection between cause and effect turns out to be only statistically valid and relatively true, then the causal principle is only of relative use for explaining natural processes… That is as much to say that the connection of events may in certain circumstances be other than causal, and require another principle of explanation.*
Page 19:
…there are events which are related to one another experimentally, and in this case meaningfully*, without there being any possibility of proving that this relation is a causal one, since the "transmission" exhibits none of the known properties of energy…a situation which does not yet exist and will only occur in the future could transmit itself as a phenomenon of energy to a receiver in the present…Therefore, it cannot be a question of cause and effect, but of a falling together in time, a kind of simultaneity... "synchronicity"*
Page 22:
A young woman I was treating had, at a critical moment, a dream in which she was given a golden scarab. While she was telling me this dream I sat with my back to the closed window. Suddenly I heard a noise behind me, like a gentle tapping. I turned round and saw a flying insect knocking against the window pane from outside. I opened the window and caught the creature in the air as it flew in. It was the nearest analogy to a golden scarab that one finds in our latitudes, a scarabaeid beetle, the common rose-chafer… which contrary to its usual habits had evidently felt an urge to get into a dark room at this particular moment.
I flipped through the rest of the pages of the book. There was no more highlighted text, but there was a message on the last page which read:
Matthew 7:7-8
I'll meet you in the darkest place.
He also included his typical smiley face which had an ovular shape and three sprouts of hair which I now realized kind of resembled my tomato plushie. It was my dad's writing, of course. But why? And how? What did this mean?
The motel had a Bible stashed away in the nighstand drawer. I got it out and looked up the verses which read the following:
Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you: for every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened.
I spent maybe an hour ruminating on all of this. The whole discourse on energy and causality and a "falling together in time" just seemed so right. It was clear that my dad definitely did know what I was going through, but for whatever reason, he made it seem like he was oblivious. Why had he hidden that from me? I felt like I was being pulled in two directions. On the one hand, my dad loved me enough to leave this note, maybe even knowing the exact moment I'd need it. But on the other hand, he had neglected my struggles throughout my entire childhood. He even lied at times. Was this really enough to make up for all of that?
And then there was the section about the future transmitting energy to the past. I read back through the whole paragraph and the original writer had meant it to say this as something that wasn't possible, but my dad's highlighting made it seem like he wanted to flip the meaning. The future does affect the past. I thought about where I was headed and wondered if I would soon discover that for myself.
Lastly, dad's message. The Bible verse reminded me of the first time I prayed; how I reached out to God and received peace as an answer to my prayer. Now I feel like I'm actively seeking… something, but I don't know yet what I'll find. And then there's knocking. At first that reminded me of the story with the beetle tapping on the window, but then I went back even deeper in my memory and dug out the monster tapping at my window, and the words my dad spoke to me in order to set my mind at ease: "you're a superhero. And you know what your greatest superpower is? Your greatest power is you get to tell the monsters what to do. Because the monsters are only as strong as the stories you tell about them…so if you're ever scared, honey, just dream up a better story."
I was crying into my stuffed tomato now. I felt like all the blinking pieces of my life had finally been pulled together into a completed puzzle. This was all by design. My entire life, filled with so much chaos and confusion, was actually preparing me for this moment. And my dad thought I had the tools and strength enough to get through it. I flipped through the book one more time, thinking maybe he had left some other hidden comment—some formula to defeat this demon and return home. But there was nothing. Only that one comment: "I'll meet you in the darkest place."
What's the darkest place, dad? Is that where I'm going? Are you saying you'll be there, too?
With those thoughts in mind, my eyes became heavy shutters which, with a slight pressure on the pulley, winded shut. My swimming thoughts and firework-like fears dissipated, and I returned to a precious childhood memory. It was after an evening soccer practice. Summer. Dad was driving me to Dairy Queen. I got a cherry-dipped twist cone. I was happy.
So, so happy.
***
I woke up to sunlight blaring through my windows. Shit, I overslept, was my immediate thought. I threw off my covers and opened the front door. A glance at the clock showed 1:13 PM. I shouldn't have even been allowed to stay checked in this long. Damn, am I gonna get double-billed for this?
I heard a rummaging sound around the corner of my motel room. It sounded like a squirrel was trying to find an afternoon snack in one of the garbage bins. I stepped outside. The sun was extremely bright, to the point where I had to squint and put my hand over my eyes to even see the ground in front of me. I was trying to walk toward the van, but somehow I ended up in front of the trash bins where the animal's tail was sticking out from a turned-over, silver garbage can. Its tail was wagging excitedly, and I remember thinking that it was much too large to be a squirrel.
The animal bent down as if biting onto something, and I heard the sound of its growl as it struggled to tug whatever it was free from the barrel. Inch by inch, the creature backed out of the canister, and more of its sharp, sticky hair was revealed. I heard something snap, then the creature leapt back and I saw what it was chomping on. My eyes widened in horror as the pink tube of a human intestine was pulled taut like the end of a tangled hose. Blood and entrails were spilling out of the human's opened gut. And then, behind the canine, I saw the person's face. His face was pale white, his eyes closed, and his hair was slicked back… It was Trent.
Before I could react, I heard footsteps approaching from behind. I whirled around and saw my dad. But—no, it wasn't him. It was someone wearing a paper-mache face mask that was painted to look like my dad. The forehead of the mask was already beginning to crack, white specks breaking off like sawdust. Through the cracks, I could see the figure's true form. I didn't know darkness had its own type of light, but that's the only way to describe it. It was as if malevolence itself was reified into a skin which was actually an amalgamation of millions of little, oozing parasites that leached into the nearby light. When it finally spoke, the demon's voice was a full octave lower than the old man's at the deli. And it had an earth-stilling gravitas.
"Today's the day!" He sang and reached into his pocket. His lips curled upward into a foxy smirk. "You have no idea how long I've waited for this day." He said and held up a razor blade. Half his facade had already fallen apart, and now I could see the bugs up close, writhing in what was either horror or ecstasy. And his scent… it was somehow more rank than the rabid coyote rummaging through the trash can with Trent's cut open body inside. The demon closed in on my position, and in one, decisive motion, he brought the blade close to his chin, then sliced it across my throat. "Wake up!" He screamed.
I jumped out of my bed and grabbed my throat, feeling the cold sting of its quick slice. Hyperventilating, I patted the area down, trying to hold the blood in, but when I removed my hands, I saw they were dry. It was only a dream, I thought. Gray light was only beginning to filter in through the drapes. I'm in my hotel room. I'm safe. I tried consoling, but the pragmatic mental massages weren't enough to hold the force of my knees buckling. I dropped onto the carpet and cried for a long while.
Outside, rain was beginning to fall.
***
By the time I met up with Trent, I had already composed myself and decided to keep my dad's message and the nightmare to myself. None of it seemed particularly productive from a logistical standpoint, anyway. And I wanted to focus on the mission.
We stopped by McDonald's and bought a couple cups of coffee. Trent asked if I wanted any food, and I declined. Black coffee seemed like the only thing my stomach could take at the present moment. I could tell Trent was hungry, but he tried playing it off (I guess to be respectful of me?) I told him to knock it off and get something to eat. I didn't need my Charon getting lightheaded and dropping the paddle before he finished rowing me to Hell. He didn't care much for my joke, but he ordered a couple Chicken McGriddles at the kiosk anyway.
There were maybe ten patrons spread throughout the restaurant. We sat down at the same booth from the prior night, this time across from one another. Trent spent the first ten minutes or so babbling about our fuel supply and the logistics of the trip from here on in. Practical stuff. I've come to realize that's how he deals with his stress. He talks it out in short, durable sentences. I mostly nodded and watched as what looked like a storm front closed in on the truck stop. The sky was overcast, and there were darker clouds in the distance. The rain was still only a patter, but a middle-aged man wearing a yellow bow tie on the wall-mounted TV confirmed that there would be heavier rain and thunderstorms very soon.
After the worker delivered Trent's food and he ate it in record time, I posed the one question that was still on my mind.
"How do I fight him?" I asked.
Trent finished a large gulp of his coffee, then looked at me. It was the first substantial thing I'd said all morning; Trent could tell something was off with me, but he figured there was no point in asking what it was. "By 'him', I assume you mean the demon?"
I nodded.
Trent licked his teeth clean. "You could try praying again."
"I'm serious," I responded.
"I'm serious, too. It worked before, didn't it?"
"You mean at my house?"
Trent nodded.
"I thought you weren't a religious man?"
"I'm not. Just a practical one. If praying worked before, maybe it'll work again."
"That's the best you've got? A maybe?"
"No, I've got a lot of shit better than a maybe." He answered. "It's just not accessible where you're going. Which is why I recommend not making contact on the first run."
"First run? So we're going to do this more than once?"
"At least," Trent answered. Then, seeing my expression, he continued. "What? You thought this was going to be a one-and-done? We have to conduct some research first. I did tell you this was new for me, right?"
Somehow Trent's response had set my mind at ease a little. I was going to have more than one chance. Of course, why wouldn't I be able to go back more than once?
"Why didn't you tell me this earlier? It would have gone a long way in easing my mind."
Trent lifted his hands in defense. "Sorry, I just thought that was a given. I mean, what we're doing is dangerous, just like I said, but it doesn't mean we aren't going to approach this as safely and scientifically as possible. However, there is a different problem with running multiple trials."
"The Organization?"
"That's right," Trent said like a proud parent. "Our little experiment will be like a giant spotlight, and the longer we wait around after it's on us, the greater the chance we'll have unwelcome company."
"So, safe but speedy."
"Safe but speedy. Exactly."
***
We fueled up and were back on the road a little after 8:00. From that point on, Trent and I were absolutely silent. I had the distinct feeling of being in the eye of a storm. The pings moved closer commensurate with our progress toward the crash site. The cloudfront continued its advance. And I noticed a haze beginning to descend onto the road ahead of us. It was fog.
We meandered further inland, the forest thickening around us until the rain almost stopped entirely—the leaves drinking it up before it fell onto our windshield. I kept my eyes on the radar. We were approaching the large yellow circle which indicated we had arrived. As we pulled closer, I began to feel things. Fear. Eeriness. Doubt. Then happiness. Hope. Love. Normally feelings like these had a clear source to picture, but these sensations came on in waves without any discernible reason. It was almost as if they were blinking into existence inside me.
"Here we go," Trent said like an airline pilot readying his crew for turbulence.
I still recall the exact moment we crossed the boundary into the area of higher energy. It was like something just "clicked" in my brain, and all of a sudden everything felt so much closer. The sound of the rain against the trees was almost right next to my ear. The trees in the distance would oscillate between their position a half-mile out, then suddenly seem five meters away. If I focused on something long enough, it began to radiate those same ethereal particles as when Trent released Ava's "phase lock". I checked to make sure the shifter wasn't set to "TD". Sure enough, it was still in drive.
"Can you see them?" Trent asked. "The shifts?"
"Yeah," I said in a dreamy voice. I felt like I was driving through a wonderland.
"It's the energy. I barely notice a difference. A bit of movement in the trees, but not much else. But I'm sure for you, it's a whole experience."
"What is this?" I raised my hand and caught some of the pixel dust dripping off the sun visor. It disappeared when it made contact with my hand.
"It's a kind of radiation. Everything emits it, just in different quantities. I'm still not exactly sure how it relates to the other realms, but I'm guessing it's a kind of primordial matter that helps connect our worlds."
"It's beautiful," I exclaimed. "I wish I could see the world like this all the time."
"Maybe you will," Trent whispered.
As we arrived at the crash site, I began to get glimpses of the past. My childhood dreams and memories were pushing their way out from my subconscious. I noticed an increased number of blinks, which were validated by Ava who reported the following: "Currently detecting 14,350 novel emergences and 2,777 controlled agents. Net anomalies: 2,777."
"That's a lot of blinks." I remarked. "Why doesn't Ava include them in the net anomalies?"
Trent turned his head so I could see his smirk. "Because blinks aren't anomalies."
I thought about it for a second. Blinks aren't anomalies. "I never thought about it that way."
"It's hard to think about it that way when 'normal' for most people means not picking up on a fundamental aspect of reality. But that doesn't make it any less real."
We continued past the epicenter of the yellow circle. "Are we not stopping?" I asked. "I think we already passed the crash site."
"It doesn't have to be exactly at the site," Trent said. "Plus, we don't want to stop on the side of the road and risk getting some civilian involved. There's a field about half a mile up ahead. I'm going to pull off the road and set up camp there.
The "field" that Trent was referring to was actually a large clearing that dipped down into several trench-like troughs which were filled to the brim with fog like witches cauldrons. Further on in the distance, I saw open fields, probably used for farming, and then a large hill where the trees once again reasserted themselves. We had pulled off the road and up a small incline where the trees had already been broken down, leaving a trail for us to drive through. When we surfaced at the edge of the clearing, Trent pulled us onto a flat bed of dried mud which was maybe thirty yards long.
"Here," he said with a sigh.
We both sat for a minute, looking around at the field. We had finally arrived. The rain was beginning to pick up, and the dark sky made it almost impossible to discern the time of day.
"You ready?" Trent asked.
I looked at him. Really looked at him. In his blue eyes. Was I ready? Did it even matter?
"Let's do this," I said.
***
This was the first time I was really able to inspect the back of Trent's van. He had talked up his gear a lot, and honestly, I was impressed. Not in the way that a scientist is impressed by another scientist's lab—I wasn't any kind of expert—but it still seemed remarkably well managed. Now that I was in a state where my vision had been enhanced, I could actually see the enigmatic particles circulating through the pneumatic tubes which were coiled like the pipes and valves of an elaborate wind instrument. The walls of the van, itself, were glistening white, making it easier to make out everything else inside. Along the floor were five overturned columns. Each column was dark and had a vibrating quality, as if they were charged with energy. Then atop the center three columns was a small altar which supported an apparatus with two skinny, metal arms holding a silver halo. At present, the arms were folded and the halo was suspended a few inches above the altar, faced-down. I thought maybe I'd see particles exuding from it, but instead it was emitting visible waves which bent and warped everything they touched.
"That thing is emitting a lot of energy." I remarked, gesturing toward the halo.
Trent stepped in between the columns and started pulling out the packages he had stuffed in there yesterday. "Just wait till' it's on."
Most of the packages contained only a single piece of equipment, and were otherwise packed with foam peanuts. We carefully removed each box and set them on the ground outside. I asked if the rain would damage any of the stuff inside, to which Trent only laughed and continued lugging out the boxes. When they were all out, Trent removed a box cutter from his pocket and went one-by-one opening them. There were eight pieces in total.
"What is it?" I asked as we fished the first item out.
"It's another apparatus, like the one inside. Except it'll mount on the ground out here."
I pulled out what looked like a metal tripod.
"Good, that'll go on the bottom."
"Where are we setting it up?"
"Over here," Trent said and stepped five paces away from the van. He coordinated himself up so he was centrally aligned with the inner ring, then stomped a few times. "This is the spot."
As we continued to work, I asked Trent about how the whole contraption works.
"Do you remember the first time we were in the van? When we had to escape from the semi-truck?" Trent asked and connected a secondary mounting apparatus on top of the tripod. It had four spider-like legs that made right angles and stuck into the ground.
"Of course," I said. "The 'phase lock'."
"Yeah," Trent said and gestured toward the metal stick that was in my hand. I handed it to him. "The phase lock is a seal on the level of energy that the van is allowed to release. It also controls its dispersion pattern so that it releases its energy in a steady wave. This allows Ava to scan for anomalies without causing us to become an anomaly." Trent stuck the plank into the neck of the tripod.
"So when you released the phase lock, we started emitting more energy."
"That's right." Trent confirmed. "Enough to create an alternate route through a different realm."
"So we blinked into a different realm, then back, just to avoid that truck?"
"That's right."
"But why couldn't we just move out of the way?"
"Because it had locked onto us. It was tracking our motion and adjusting its course based on the amount of energy we were emitting. So in order to escape, we had to radically skew our potential energy and then use it to shift."
"Couldn't he have just followed us?"
Trent connected four more pieces to the device which now looked like an elaborate teepee. He was fishing in the last box when he spoke again. "Yeah, he could have. But it was highly improbable that he would have found us." Trent returned from the bottom of the box with another silver ring in hand. "Think of it like this. Let's say you're trying to escape from some bad guy who's coming after you, and you enter a new room you've never seen before. Would you prefer this room to have three doors to go through, or ten?"
I thought about his riddle for a second, then responded, "It depends where they go."
Trent fastened the ring atop the teepee. "Let's say they all lead to random places, or let's say they're all closets that lead nowhere. The key is that more is better, because the more doors he has to check, the less likely he is to pick the correct one. Make sense?"
"So we opened up a bunch of doors and escaped through one at random?"
"Hence the gear 'TD', for 'Trap Door'."
I marveled at the insights, but not for long. Trent hopped back in the van and pulled a lever that I hadn't seen until now. The two metal arms raised the inner ring until it was perpendicular with the altar. Then Trent clicked one of three red buttons along the back wall, and I saw what looked like a large, glass eye suspended in a magnifying glass protruding from the wall, aligned with the center of both rings. A couple seconds later, the glass eye began to focus the energy which was being fed to it from the pneumatic tubes, and a blue pyramid of light projected from it into the first ring, then from the first ring into the second ring. All three pieces were aligned at slightly diminishing heights, so the cylinder of light beamed through the second ring, into the ground.
"Alright, time for the first trial."
I felt the nerves starting up in my stomach. Trent sensed this and hopped out of the truck. It was raining quite hard now, though it was still warm. Both Trent and I were soaked, but that hardly concerned us. He reached out and put his hand on my shoulder. "I know you're feeling scared." He said. "But trust me on this. You're going to do fine. Just keep in mind what we talked about. Stay a spectator. Okay?"
I looked into his blue eyes, which seemed especially gray in the dark. Still, Trent's voice was reassuring. All I had to do was trust him. Trust myself. Trust my dad. And it was all going to turn out right.
"I'm ready," I said.
Trent was still for a second, holding my eyes in his. Then he guided me behind the outer ring and into the cylinder of light.
"I should step into it now?" I asked, afraid I'd be called away immediately.
"It's not on yet, so don't worry. I still have to press another button."
I followed Trent's instructions and stood in the blue light which was centered on my chest. Then I watched as Trent ran into the back of the van and posted up next to the glass eye. "Ready?" He yelled out. It was hard to hear him over the rain, but I yelled back. "Ready!"
The next thing I saw was a blinding blue light beam from the van. I heard what sounded like a laser, then saw the cylinder oscillate, expanding and compressing. When the energy reached the second ring, I saw everything around me light up—it looked brighter than noon on a cloudless day. Then the oscillations made their way to me, and I was swallowed up whole.
***
When I came to, I was in the backseat of a car. I felt my butt rumbling. Everything was dim and quiet. And then I heard a woman's voice from in front of me.
"Mark, please, not with Lauren in the back."
The man, who I now identified as my father, pulled the cigarette away from his lips and blew the smoke at my mom. He eyed the back seat where I was sitting, using one of five markers that hadn't rolled off my lap to color a rabbit in my animal color book.
"The kid's fine." he said and took another drag.
"Mark," my mom repeated.
I saw my dad raise his hand in a rapid motion. "I said she's fine, Cheryl. Now check the map and make sure we're going the right away. I can't see shit with all this fog."
I took a moment to make sure I was really in the back seat. I patted myself. I clearly had weight. Then I tried touching the car. At first, my fingertips met a solid surface, but when I tried to press through, my hand slipped into the car. I quickly pulled my hand away as if I had reached into a fire.
That's when I heard the little three year old next to me start crying. I turned and saw that little-me had dropped another couple markers onto the ground and was struggling to reach them.
"Hey!" my dad shouted. "What did I say about crying?"
"Quit it, Mark. She just dropped her markers." said my mom; she turned to help me pick them up.
"What did you say to me?" Mark spat with a voice full of guile. He reached out and pushed her back into her seat. "Don't," he commanded. "She has to learn how to deal with life."
"Deal…" My mom started in disbelief. "Deal with life? Do you hear yourself? What's gotten into you?"
"Sometimes shit happens. It doesn't give her the right to cry. You helping her is just going to reinforce her behavior."
"Her behavior? What about your behavior? You're acting like a total dick."
I didn't even have a moment to react before my dad's hand was across my mom's face. I felt the slap more than I heard it, my own face seeming to swell with the force of the blow. I saw my mom cover her mouth and lean away. Then little-me began to cry even louder, which only challenged my dad to step up his own volume.
"Everyone needs to get a fucking grip before I crash this car." My dad shouted and took another drag. The scariest part was I couldn't tell if he was warning us or threatening us. I felt the sudden urge to do something. There was no way this was real. I was definitely in some fantasy concocted by the demon. He wanted to turn me against my dad. That was the only explanation for something like this. My dad was a good man, not… this.
As I contemplated what to do, I saw a small, golden light appear behind little-me's window. Apparently she saw it, too, because her cries hushed as she traced the wisp with her eyes. After a second, the wisp transformed into a bunny rabbit, reminiscent of the one she was coloring. The rabbit hopped alongside the window, then did a couple circles in place. I watched little me let out a playful laugh and reach toward the window.
"What's going on back there?" my dad asked with a scowl. Apparently the only sound more disturbing than cries were laughs.
I looked back to the front and saw my mom wiping blood from her lip. Her expression was miserable. "Leave her alone, Mark."
"I'll do whatever I damn well want to do, Cheryl. It's my kid back there."
My mom was quiet.
When I looked back toward the rabbit, it was no longer a rabbit but a person. Or at least it looked like a person. The figure radiated pure gold, and atop his head was what appeared to be a King's crown. I recalled Allison's experience of seeing the sun-like figure in her moment of distress. Was that what was happening here? Was this really all true?
"Hey!" My dad shouted, eyeing little-me from the rear-view mirror. "What are you reaching at?"
I looked and saw the golden figure extending his hand toward the window, and little me's hand was reaching back. "Mom, dad, it bright." little-me said.
"What's bright, honey?" my mom asked.
"Don't encourage her, Cheryl."
"Someone there!" little me shouted happily and dropped the rest of the markers and the coloring book onto the ground.
"Who's there?" asked my mom.
"Cheryl, I swear to God. Sit the fuck down."
Everything from that moment on happened so quickly I barely had any time to process it. My mom lifted out of her seat to either get little me's attention or help me pick up my coloring book. My dad responded by grabbing onto her throat, letting go of the steering wheel entirely. He threw her back against the car door, and her head hit the window so hard, the glass cracked. My dad had dropped his cigarette, and I could smell smoke coming from under his seat, but that didn't seem to bother him at all. He turned toward little-me at the same moment my three-year-old hand reached out and grabbed onto the golden figure, whose hand diffused through the window. When my dad turned, I got a whiff of the most awful smell that I wouldn't have been able to place had I not had that nightmare last night. He grabbed onto little-me's shoulder and tugged her away from the golden figure that was trying to pull her the other way. My dad's facade began to crack, and I could see those dark bugs crawling out from the pores in his arms, marching down toward little-me.
I reacted.
I grabbed onto my dad's arm and pulled him off little-me. I heard the sound of my shirt ripping as she was torn from his grip and pulled out of the car, diffusing through it like a ghost. My brief victory was immediately overturned as I saw what was now clearly the demon smiling at me, his wretched fingers curled around my forearm.
"Caught you," He sneered.
Then the whole world once again diffused into countless numbers of particles, only this time, instead of riding through it, I felt like I was falling through an elevator shaft with each floor darker than the last. The further I fell, the less I became aware of my surroundings, and the more I felt a deep sense of loneliness. It was as if I was the only person in the whole world: and the whole world was a prison designed entirely for me. This went on for so long, I began to forget who I was. Where I was. What was.
And then I landed.
***
Source Used:
Jung, Carl. Synchronicity. Translated by Sonu Shamdasani, Princeton University Press, 2010.

So, I used to be that person completely lost in a new app's settings, desperately trying to change a username (those early ones were brutal!). Finally, I caved and messaged customer support, dreading the phone call. But then, a friendly chat agent appeared, my digital hero, guiding me through the process with a few keystrokes and a smiley face.
That experience got me thinking - there's a whole world of chat support jobs out there! It seemed perfect for me, combining my love of writing, problem-solving skills, and desire for a work-from-home schedule. So, I dove headfirst into researching this exciting career path.
Turns out, chat agents don't do phones!
Best part? No more phone anxiety! You use text-based chat windows to help customers in real-time, guiding them through their questions. Imagine the freedom of working in your PJs, coffee in hand, wielding the power of words to help people navigate the digital world.
The dream of working from home is real, and many chat support jobs offer this flexibility. Whether you're a student juggling classes, a parent needing a childcare-friendly schedule, or someone who thrives in a quiet home office, these roles can be a perfect fit. The best part? Often, no prior experience is required. Companies value strong communication, a willingness to learn, and a positive attitude.
While many chat support roles focus on real-time interactions, some offer a blend of chat and email communication. You'll still have live chats, but you'll also craft thoughtful responses to customer inquiries via email. This helps you develop well-rounded communication skills, mastering both concise chat interactions and detailed email explanations.
Here's where you can find companies hiring remote chat agents now.
Think of live chat assistant jobs as your entry point into the world of customer service. These positions provide excellent training, equipping you with valuable skills to excel in the field. You'll learn to handle customer inquiries, navigate company knowledge bases, and most importantly, foster positive experiences through clear and helpful communication. This experience becomes your launchpad to explore more specialized chat support roles in different industries, building a fulfilling career path.
Sure, working from home and flexible hours are fantastic perks, but the true magic lies in the human connection. Every interaction is a chance to make a real difference. By patiently guiding a confused customer or offering a friendly word of encouragement, you contribute to a positive brand experience and leave a lasting impression. In our increasingly digital world, these roles offer a chance to connect with people and make their day a little brighter, all from the comfort of your own home.
Thinking about becoming a chat agent? Here's how to get started:

• Sharpen your communication skills: Grammar, spelling, and crafting clear messages are key.
• Practice active listening: Pay close attention to customer concerns and identify the root of their problems.
• Embrace problem-solving: Be a creative thinker who can research solutions and troubleshoot effectively.
• Develop a thick skin: Not every interaction will be perfect, but remaining calm and professional is important.
• Show off your tech skills: Familiarity with common computer programs and a willingness to learn new ones is a plus.

Anyone else out there thinking about a career in chat support?
AFFILIATE DISCLOSURE: This article contains product affiliate links. I may receive a commission if you make a purchase after clicking on one of these links.

Hey reddit! I'm a 38 year old latin guy from Washington DC. Honesty is the best policy so I'll make it known now that I'm not looking for platonic friends, I'm looking for a romantic partner. Buckle up, because I'm about to unveil why I may or may not be the right partner for you in a classic listicle style that all you youngin's love.
About Me:
^{You'll never believe number 6!}

1. I'm a bit of a stoner. It's true, your boy loves himself some marijuana. (In fact, I did a 25mg edible earlier) I endeavor to never let it take over my life, but it aids a lot in #2 on this list. I'm also not a stranger to the very occasional mushroom trip.
2. I'm a true creative. Left to my own devices in an empty room, I would constantly create new things. Whether that be drawing, writings, photography, music or stoner ideas. It's my true nature to be a creative and to stifle that part of myself makes me pretty sad. Fortunately, I get to create on a daily basis. which brings me to..
3. I have the kindest heart. I see life through rose colored glasses, some may say. I just believe in the good in people. I think most people are good and those that are bad are redeemable. Whether someone is ultra religious, a different political affiliation, good, bad, ugly, whatever...I believe in getting to know them for myself and making my own decision of them. As a friend I always stick by my friends, no matter what. Friends in my life are friends for life, even if we lose touch. There is a downside to all this...it's that sometimes people take advantage of me. I don't care. When confronted with the choice to be loving or to be cruel or apathetic, I will always choose loving.
4. I make people laugh. Comedy and jokes have always been a part of me. Maybe it's the fact that I'm a middle child and craved attention or the fact that I grew up in a city where I had to be quick on my feet, but I love to make people laugh. This is best done in person but there can be humor over the internet too. :)
5. I don't take myself too seriously. I'm a talented person in my field and it's important for me to let go of my ego. There isn't a single person that I can't learn from and at my best I'm always open to listen to people's opinions of me or my creative work.
6. I see beauty in everyone, including you. If you hadn't guessed by now, I'm a photographer. I'm into portraits and I value my connection with people one-on-one and I think that's what makes me a talented portrait photographer. I often hear people talk about the things they hate about themselves but try to reflect to them their true beauty. The beauty that was always there and that they need to be reconnected to.
7. I'm culturally Latino. My parents are from El Salvador, but I was born and raised in DC. I have the experience of being born into a family of immigrants and understand the duality of living in two different worlds. While Spanish was my first language, it is not what I consider to be my native tongue. While I understand all Spanish, all my Spanish is food related.
8. I've done the self work. It's true. I'm not a man that punches walls, gets drunk and cries, will cheat on you, lie to you or a myriad of other things that toxic people do. I am not without faults, of course, but I have worked my demons out for the most part. I'm very self-aware and open to criticism and change.
9. I'm honest 99.5% of the time. Anyone professing to be honest 100% of the time is a liar. Ask me directly and I'll tell you my last big lie.
10. I know where I want to be in life. I'm close to getting there too. I've been at it for 13 years now and I feel that success is imminent. Will you be a part of it?

So what are you waiting for? Dust off that old keyboard, pound away at a few keys, and get ready to embark on an unforgettable adventure brought to you by (as they said in my day) the world wide web.
P.S - I'm 6'2. I should've started with that.

Hello everyone, hope you're well. I was hoping to switch over to linux, especially given Microsoft's recent idiosyncrasies that I can no longer tolerate. That being said, I do not wish to necessarily rush into something that I don't fully understand. Especially something as drastic (or not) as an OS change.
I like to make music in my own time. I have two Hardware synthesizers. The hydrasynth ASM Deluxe, and the sequential prophet rev2. Both are amazing pieces of Hardware, and both are extremely important for my use case. I also use Ableton. I used to use FL Studio, but when I realized that FL Studio did not support MPE and thus was not able to record polyphonic aftertouch properly, I had no choice but to move to another daw. I also Like to make my own little short films, and thus I use video editing software for that, among other things.
Finally, I like to do some gaming. At the moment, I have an ultra wide monitor, a 55-in TV that I have hooked up to my graphics card, which is an RTX 4080 ( I will come back to this later), as well as various different peripherals and hardware that I like to use with my computer. I have an audio interface, a Logitech wireless lightspeed keyboard, and I also like to use a wireless Xbox controller with the USB dongle that is included with it.
I was wondering how nicely all of this Hardware, as well as different software that I use, play nicely at least in regard to Linux. I was also particularly interested in my graphics card, which is an RTX 4080. After briefly perusing this subreddit, as well as various different YouTube channels, I've come away with different impressions, at least in regard to Nvidia. Some say that the drivers are nightmare. Others still say that Nvidia is okay, but not ideal, and others somewhat suggesting that if possible to simply sell off the Nvidia card, and to switch to AMD.
Nvidia graphics cards are actually really useful for my specific use case. On top of that, I've had...Bad experiences with AMD graphics cards in the past. Specifically with their drivers, I have never had much good luck. This is as recent with the rx6600. After one update for the graphics card, Vulkan was borked, and I couldn't play certain games or utilize it properly I'm certain applications, like dolphin. Not to mention my monitor constantly having issues and blacking out.
Needless to say it was frustrating. I understand my use case with AMD is perhaps atypical, and I do not wish to write off AMD as a whole. That being said, it will take some serious convincing and proof of working for me to consider coming back.
Thank you all for your help.

So i'm trying to automate this rhythm game (if you don't know what a rhythm game is it's one of those games where you need to press a certain button at the right time like "Friday Night Funkin" or "Guitar Hero"). This game has 2 rows: in the top row there can be a left mouse button and a right mouse button and the bottom row there can be "Q" and "E". For the top row the left mouse button has a red icon and the right one has a purple icon so what i did was capture the region of my screen in witch i needed to press one of these two buttons and when the red color appears in the region it left clicks and when the purple color appears it right clicks: *this all works fine

import time import mss import numpy as np import pyautogui # Define the region to capture the specific area based on the given coordinates region = {"top": 766, "left": 1503, "width": 59, "height": 65} # Define the color to action mapping color_to_action = { (4, 0, 255): 'left_click', # Color to left mouse click (255, 0, 157): 'right_click' # Color to right mouse click } # Initialize screen capture sct = mss.mss() def get_pixel_color(region): # Capture the screen region sct_img = sct.grab(region) # Convert to a numpy array img = np.array(sct_img) # Get the color of the center pixel center_pixel = img[region['height']//2, region['width']//2, :3] return tuple(center_pixel) while True: try: # Get the color of the pixel color = get_pixel_color(region) # Check if the color is in our mapping if color in color_to_action: # Perform the corresponding action action = color_to_action[color] if action == 'left_click': pyautogui.click(button='left') print(f"Detected color: {color}, Performed action: {action}") elif action == 'right_click': pyautogui.click(button='right') print(f"Detected color: {color}, Performed action: {action}") # Small delay to avoid overloading the CPU time.sleep(0.01) except KeyboardInterrupt: break import time import mss import numpy as np import pyautogui # Define the region to capture the specific area based on the given coordinates region = {"top": 766, "left": 1503, "width": 59, "height": 65} # Define the color to action mapping color_to_action = { (4, 0, 255): 'left_click', # Color to left mouse click (255, 0, 157): 'right_click' # Color to right mouse click } # Initialize screen capture sct = mss.mss() def get_pixel_color(region): # Capture the screen region sct_img = sct.grab(region) # Convert to a numpy array img = np.array(sct_img) # Get the color of the center pixel center_pixel = img[region['height']//2, region['width']//2, :3] return tuple(center_pixel) while True: try: # Get the color of the pixel color = get_pixel_color(region) # Check if the color is in our mapping if color in color_to_action: # Perform the corresponding action action = color_to_action[color] if action == 'left_click': pyautogui.click(button='left') print(f"Detected color: {color}, Performed action: {action}") elif action == 'right_click': pyautogui.click(button='right') print(f"Detected color: {color}, Performed action: {action}") # Small delay to avoid overloading the CPU time.sleep(0.01) except KeyboardInterrupt: break 

In the second row tho there are just two white icons, one with the letter "Q" and one with the letter "E", there is no color difference to distinguish them so i don't know what to do... anyone have any ideas?
if you are interested in helping me and maybe want some screen shots of the game to understand better the situation here is my discord: mr.cat3788

Hi guys, I'm super new to all of this and I'm fairly sure the answer to this question is no, but:
I have a old yamaha keybaord (PSR-240) that I'm running through an audio interface. I've managed to get both MIDI info off the keyboard so I can play virtual instruments, and audio information of the keyboard so I can hear the actual sounds the keyboard makes. I'm wondering if there's a way to connect the two? Basically, I really like some of the preloaded instruments the Yamaha has, and I can't seem to find them anywhere online to use as virtual instruments. However, I'm not a perfect piano player and I'd love the flexibility MIDI gives you to move notes around and so on. Can I link the two so the midi notes play the appropriate key/audio from the keyboard, or something to that effect? I'm using Ableton Live Lite right now.
Alternatively, if somebody knows where I could find the Yamaha preloaded sounds online to use as a virtual instrument, that'd be awesome. I suspect what I'd have to end up doing is recording each key individually and create my own virtual instrument using Sampler or something, but that sounds like a lot of work.
Thanks!

Strap in and fasten your seatbelts, folks. This one's going to be a rollercoaster.
I had just settled in with a cup of coffee, my laptop perched on my knees, and I was ready to delve into the world of coding. Writing scripts for a small indie game was what I’d been working on for the past few months.
One day, however, my mind began to wander, mulling over a concept I'd recently been introduced to - the idea of mental models. As my fingers typed away, turning lines of code into actions and reactions within the game, I found myself viewing my task from a completely new angle.
The comparison struck me. In coding, we write scripts - a set of instructions that a computer follows. The computer doesn’t learn from these scripts or make its own decisions. The behavior of the software is solely determined by how the scripts are written.
Contrast this to our complex human brain, our own mental model, if you will. Our mental model, unlike scripts, isn't a rigid set of instructions. It's more of a framework, a dynamic model that adapts and learns from experiences, processes information, and makes decisions accordingly.
Just then, my cat, Mr. Whiskers, jumped onto my keyboard, forcing me to take a break. As I watched him curiously sniff around my workspace, I couldn’t help but smile. Mr. Whiskers' behavior wasn’t governed by a script. His actions were based on his mental model, which had been shaped by his past interactions with my workspace.
So, think about it this way. If our mind worked like a script, we’d be like computers, acting out pre-set instructions and not learning, growing, or adapting to new situations. But thanks to our mental models, we are dynamic, complex, and capable of growth and adaptation.
In conclusion, the world of scripts and mental models is fascinating, and I’m excited to continue exploring it. As for my cat? He’s doing just fine, continuing to adjust his mental model of my workspace, one sniff at a time.
P.S. Quick disclaimer: Mr. Whiskers is not my real cat. But hey, I made this up just to help you visualize the difference between scripts and mental models. It's amazing how life can teach you about such complex things, right? And trust me, if cats could code, they'd probably use mental models too!

Hello!
Would like to ask po kung paano nyo pinagkakasya yung mga tech nyo sa iisang bag?
For context, Due to some ganaps at work, I need to travel more na. I bought a 13inch macbook air m1 to do my work on the go. Now here's the thing, I have a sweaty hands. Kaya I purchased a 10inch keyboard and a mouse para di ko na need gamitin yung keyboard nung mismong macbook. Plus I have tons of stuff bukod dun and here are the list of tech stuff na I usually bring with me.

1. Laptop
2. 10 inch keyboard
3. Mouse
4. Headphones (Edifier 700nb)
5. Ssd
6. Hard drive
7. Mirrorless camera (Sony a6400 and 30mm lens)
8. DSLR (Canon 700d)
9. Osmo pocket 2
10. Powerbank
11. Earbuds (small)
12. Camera batteries (3 for sony and 2 for canon)
13. SD card holder
14. ND filter
15. Chargers and other cables (for macbook, my phone, my sony camera and my canon camera)
16. Dogle
17. Huion pad (slim) and pen

Note: I seldom bring my 700d since it's too heavy and I rarely bring my huion din pero most of the things that I listed above, I always bring them.
Bukod sa mga nakalista, I also bring other stuff pa like notebooks, pen, book, makeup etc. Para akong araw araw magbbackpacking. Lol.
Now here are my questions: 1. Masisira ba yung macbook pag nilagay ko sa iisang lagayan yung macbook and keyboard? Hindi ba magagasgasan yung macbook pag pinagsama ko sila nung keyboard? 2. For my sweaty hands issue, is it safe to put skin on my laptop (like sa labas lang not inside sa trackpad) 3. For my macbook, I bought a dust cloth that covers the whole laptop. Is it safe to leave it there kasi macbook is prone to have keyboard markings daw in a long run. Do u have any thoughts and reco on this? 4. Can you reco me a good bags to store all of my stuff? I can't do 2 bags cuz I'm forgetful. 5. Any advice on how can I carry all of them with care? Lol.
Tbh natatakot din ako na madaganan ng sobra yung macbook kahit patayo naman sila sa bag ko. I really don't know.
Please help po 🥺🥺🥺
Thank you!

https://youtu.be/kbwSFOqzKMY?si=wPvkKCr_guICbJaJ
https://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/benfolds/losinglisa.html
Hello everyone, I hope all is well. Today we are going to be taking a closer look/listen at the song “Losing Lisa” which is the seventh track from Ben’s first solo album Rockin’ the Suburbs.
There’s a couple of songs on this album, including this one, where I feel like they have hints of sounds from the 50’s/60’s despite them being written and released in the early 2000’s. The song starts with this harpsichord sounding keyboard playing a bright G major chord. This intro is cut off with a drum hit and then Ben switching to a normal piano and vocals.
Lyrically, this is song is about the unraveling of a relationship between the character Ben is singing from and his partner named Lisa. Ben sings “she's so sensitive, this shit just happens sometimes.” It seems like Ben is singing this song through the perspective of a typical male who’s blaming the ending of a relationship on the other person. He’s saying how she’s overly sensitive but then in the next line is saying how she’s his “everything” and how she’s his best friend. It’s maybe a little ironic how this song was the only song on that album cowritten by Ben’s at the time wife Frally Hynes.
During this first verse we get some other instruments gradually being added to the mix. First there’s some light percussion, some subtle acoustic guitars and some great bass fills which gives me Beach Boy vibes. And then lyrically, Ben does this smart move where he ends the verse with the lyric “we don't do anything we didn't do the day….” and then starts the pre chorus with the lyric “before you go, you ought to know.” This is great because the word “before” is used as a transitional word between the verse and pre chorus and it’s clever in a way you might not notice on a first listen.
The pre chorus is a nice way to slow things down before we get to the chorus. The move from the E minor chord to E flat chord is smooth and lyrically we have Ben’s character pleading to Lisa that he didn’t mean to hurt her which is a human cliche as old as time. As we move into the chorus we get the drums and piano ramping up in energy on the D major chord to give us the push we need for the chorus.
For me, the chorus is the hook of this song. It’s all fairly simple but it’s so goddamn catchy no matter how many times I hear it. The chorus has such a breezy flow to it as Ben’s singing about heartache with the lyric “black tears are falling down her face and I am wrong.” I’ve always interpreted the black tears being mascara running down Lisa’s face as she is crying. And even though this character understands he’s in the wrong, he’s still complaining that Lisa won’t tell him what he did that was wrong. Maybe the most devastating line is when Ben sings “she’s sitting here beside me then she is gone.” Even though she physically there with him, mentally she’s already checked out. The chorus ends with Ben’s catchy harmonies as he sings “black tears are falling, falling.”
The second verse begins with full instrumentation which adds nice dynamics to the song. This time around, Ben’s character is reminiscing of a time where things were simpler with Lisa and himself. He speaks of loving times when they were laughing and things were simpler. But now she’s no longer happy and he no longer feels anything. And in the pre chorus, instead of the male character listening to what his partner is saying, he’s fixated on her face instead. “I am mesmerized, by tiny lines. I'm watching as the shapes are drawing slowly from her eyes.”
We get another chorus which sounds just as great as the first one. Another reason I love the pre chorus is the movement of the chords after each lyric. Ben plays a B flat, C and a D minor chord which he walks up and then back down again. It’s one element of the chorus that makes the whole song so catchy. That and some of Ben’s vocal melodies really remind me of the Beach Boys, especially the runs that move down in pitch.
After the second chorus the song brings it down in volume as we enter into the bridge. The piano and drums are more delicate as Ben sings the title of the song three times. It’s almost as if he’s finally realizing that he’s lost Lisa and he admits that “there’s nothing I can do.” And it’s right during this realization where the instruments start building up in energy to bring us to the instrumental section. I wouldn’t call it a solo necessarily as none of the instruments really play a full on solo (although Ben does play some tasty licks). Instead we actually get a lot of space where the instruments can breathe. My favorite parts is when you can hear the electric guitars play a couple of old timey strums.
Then the song ends on an outro which a different variation of chords than the chorus. Ben sings “black tears are falling, falling” as he also provides his own backing vocals singing “ahh.” It’s a great little jam section that eventually ends on a B flat/F chord and some tambourine action.
When it comes to this album, this is one of my favorite underrated songs from it. It’s not as flashy as the title track, nor does it have the beauty of a song like “Carrying Cathy.” But it’s just one of those songs that flows effortless and can stuck in your head in a non annoying way. It’s fun to single along to and easy to follow; it’s basically a song where a relationship falls apart because one person is not only ignorant to the signs, but also does nothing to solve any of the problems. It’s a song that was played live on most nights on Ben’s What Matters Most tour. I was ecstatic to hear it and I think Ben’s backing band plus Talk Heights made this song better than it would have been with just Ben and his piano.
But what do you think about this song? Is it an underrated song from Rockin’ the Suburbs? What do you think the song is about? Favorite lyrical or musical moments? And did you ever catch it live?

Total budget (in local currency) and country of purchase. Please do not use USD unless purchasing in the US: under $500 CAD, purchasing in Canada
Are you open to refurbs/used?- yes, but ideally want something new.
How would you prioritize form factor (ultrabook, 2-in-1, etc.), build quality, performance, and battery life? dosent need to be 2-in-1, have good build quality, or great performance. ideally a decent battery life of 5-6 hours on casual use
How important is weight and thinness to you? dosent need to be super light or thin, as long as he can carry it comfortably
Do you have a preferred screen size? If indifferent, put N/A. currently hes on a 13 inch screen, so anything 13+ inc is good
Are you doing any CAD/video editing/photo editing/gaming? List which programs/games you desire to run. no gaming/advance software. as long as it can run excel, its fine
If you're gaming, do you have certain games you want to play? At what settings and FPS do you want? no gaming
Any specific requirements such as good keyboard, reliable build quality, touch-screen, finger-print reader, optical drive or good input devices (keyboard/touchpad)? anything with decent battery life thatll last 5-6 years or more.
Leave any finishing thoughts here that you may feel are necessary and beneficial to the discussion. as long as it can reliably do online baking, emails, amazon shopping, and run MS 365, its good.

Hello!
Would like to ask po kung paano nyo pinagkakasya yung mga tech nyo sa iisang bag?
For context, Due to some ganaps at work, I need to travel more na. I bought a 13inch macbook air m1 to do my work on the go. Now here's the thing, I have a sweaty hands. Kaya I purchased a 10inch keyboard and a mouse para di ko na need gamitin yung keyboard nung mismong macbook. Plus I have tons of stuff bukod dun and here are the list of tech stuff na I usually bring with me.

1. Laptop
2. 10 inch keyboard
3. Mouse
4. Headphones (Edifier 700nb)
5. Ssd
6. Hard drive
7. Mirrorless camera (Sony a6400 and 30mm lens)
8. DSLR (Canon 700d)
9. Osmo pocket 2
10. Powerbank
11. Earbuds (small)
12. Camera batteries (3 for sony and 2 for canon)
13. SD card holder
14. ND filter
15. Chargers and other cables (for macbook, my phone, my sony camera and my canon camera)
16. Dogle
17. Huion pad (slim) and pen

Note: I seldom bring my 700d since it's too heavy and I rarely bring my huion din pero most of the things that I listed above, I always bring them.
Bukod sa mga nakalista, I also bring other stuff pa like notebooks, pen, book, makeup etc. Para akong araw araw magbbackpacking. Lol.
Now here are my questions: 1. Masisira ba yung macbook pag nilagay ko sa iisang lagayan yung macbook and keyboard? Hindi ba magagasgasan yung macbook pag pinagsama ko sila nung keyboard? 2. For my sweaty hands issue, is it safe to put skin on my laptop (like sa labas lang not inside sa trackpad) 3. For my macbook, I bought a dust cloth that covers the whole laptop. Is it safe to leave it there kasi macbook is prone to have keyboard markings daw in a long run. Do u have any thoughts and reco on this? 4. Can you reco me a good bags to store all of my stuff? I can't do 2 bags cuz I'm forgetful. 5. Any advice on how can I carry all of them with care? Lol.
Tbh natatakot din ako na madaganan ng sobra yung macbook kahit patayo naman sila sa bag ko. I really don't know.
Please help po 🥺🥺🥺
Thank you!

Hey everybody, I hope you are all having a great weekend. I wanted to let everyone know that I am leaving the community and will not be posting anymore. I am still sober, but I need to move on from doing this. Throughout the short 80 days I have been sober, I have trusted my gut about what I need to do to remain alcohol free, and it has worked for me... this just happens to be one of those feelings. Talking about sobriety every day honestly wears me out, and I think I might be better off just living life as it comes, one day at a time...
Since I started this sub it has grown to over 2,000 members in a little over 2 months, I have gotten 2 new jobs, attended AA meetings, broke up with my long-term girlfriend, exercised, lost weight, gained weight, read books, listened to podcasts, tested boundaries, made myself uncomfortable and experienced SO many highs and lows. I have learned a lot about who I really am as a person, and have come to the conclusion that I am just worn out. Sobriety is truly wild. You never know what will happen in your life until you try it. No matter what has happened to me (good or bad), I know that being sober is still better than my life as a heavy drinker.
I feel like a bit of a let down to myself for not following through on what I wanted to accomplish when I began this sub, but I think this is what is best for me in my sobriety moving forward. Feel free to "internet roast" me or whatever... I am cool with it and probably even deserve some of it.
To everyone who took time out of their day to give me advice, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR EVERYTHING. I owe so much to all of you. I would not have made it this far without your wisdom and encouragement. There is no way I would have made it a week without you, and for that I will forever be grateful. I wish I could hug you and express the level of gratitude I feel when I say this... but all I have is a keyboard, and this is the best I can do. Thinking about it as I type this, chokes me up. You are all amazing people.
Anyone who needs help/advice, would like to stay in touch, or would simply like to tell me to fuck off, please PM me and I will respond. I'm sure there are many people who are relieved they don't have to listen to me complain anymore, but to those I may have helped, or to those who feel a different way... I am still here for you if you need me.
Much love to everyone. I mean it, I love you guys. I think about some of you every day and don't even really know you. You will forever be a part of the beginning of my new life, and I will not forget everyone who helped me. This sub will forever be a part of my life, and my journey in sobriety.
One last time... I will NOT have a single drop of alcohol today, or any day. I hope everyone finds what they are looking for, executes on it and lives their best life :)
Much Love,
Reggie

Hi all.
At least 50% of the times, every time I restart or power off Tumbleweed, the PC freezes. I can try via terminal or GUI, it's the same.
It either freezes right when I click/give the command or a couple of seconds after, and a white led on my laptop's keyboard starts to blink. I can only hard reset to proceed.
This is only happening on Tumbleweed, not with other distros or Windows.
It's basically a simple Tumbleweed KDE installation without the extra KDE apps. And I have four flatpaks installed: Haruna, Firefox, ffmpeg-full, Elisa. I don't even have opi or packman enabled.
I have the current Nvidia drivers installed (Nvidia G06).
General specs: 16GB RAM, Intel i9 13th gen with iGPU, Nvidia dGPU 4080.
Do you have any suggestion to troubleshoot this or at least investigate further?
edit: adding that I use an external monitor with USB-C to DisplayPort.

As most of you know, Musical Mischief is considered the hardest and the most disliked AdAges event by most. There are many issues with this music history themed event that have been addressed over the past two years, but not much has changed. This rant is about the poor status of this current event and what can be done to make it fairer and more enjoyable for most players.
Good Things:
Before we get into all of my proposed changes for our current event I want to begin this post by saying something. Musical Mischief isn’t the worst event out there. There is actually quite a bit I like about it. This post is just mainly focused on its many problems.
Its music, for one thing, is, by far the best out of any soundtrack in any video game that I’ve heard, and considering that I’ve played every single Hyper Hippo Productions event and each event comes with a soundtrack, that’s saying something for sure. And the art isn’t bad either. I especially like the researcher art and appreciate the effort put into it. I just wish the gameplay had nearly as much work put into it.
Suggested Changes to Costs:
There are a lot of redundant costs of many of the relics. Here are my suggestions to fix long walls, and they really go well with my proposed missions:
Flutes stay the same
Increase Bassoons cost from 10,000 Batons to 100 M Batons
Increase Violins cost from 1 T Batons to 1 AA Batons and unlock requirement from 25,000 Bassoons to 50,000 Bassoons
Harps stay the same
Trumpets stay the same
Lower Pianos cost from 1 RR Batons to 10 QQ Batons
Music Stands Cost Stays the same
Drum Kits stay the same
Increase Saxophones cost from 1 B Music Stands to 10 B Music Stands and unlock requirement from 50,000 Drum Kits to 200,000 Drum Kits
Lower Keyboards unlock requirement from 5 M Trumpets to 2.5 M Trumpets
Lower Electric Guitars cost from 10 II Music Stands to 100 HH Music Stands and increase unlock requirement from 25 M Keyboards to 35 M Keyboards
Lower Microphones cost from 10 OO Music Stands to 10 NN Music Stands and unlock requirement from 400 M Electric Guitars to 200 M Electric Guitars
Increase Sheet Music cost from 1 T Music Stands to 10 AA Music Stands
Erhu stay the same
Lower Kotos cost from 10 T Sheet Music to 1 T Sheet Music
Lower Pekings cost from 10 EE Sheet Music to 100 DD Sheet Music, 1 M Kotos to 100,000 Kotos, and unlock requirement from 22 M Kotos to 10 M Kotos
Lower Sitars cost from 10 LL Sheet Music to 10 KK Sheet Music, 100 M Pekings to 1 M Pekings, and unlock requirement from 500 M Pekings to 300 M Pekings
Decrease Vinyl Records cost from 100 FF Sheet Music to 10 FF Sheet Music
Lower Gramophones cost from 10,000 Vinyl Records to 100 Vinyl Records
Lower Jukeboxes cost from 10 M Gramophones to 1 M Gramophones, 10 AA Vinyl Records to 1 AA Vinyl Records, and unlock requirement from 600 M Gramophones to 120 M Gramophones
Lower Boomboxes cost from 100 M Jukeboxes to 10 M Jukeboxes and unlock requirement from 1 B Jukeboxes to 600 M Jukeboxes
These changes might really help balance the gameplay and make it more enjoyable for players. I cannot speak for anyone else here, but these seem more right to me
Suggested Missions:
As we all know, a LOT of Music’s missions are redundant, too easy, or too hard in some way or another. I have tried to roughly find a good balance with the mission tracker to figure out the best missions. If a capsule is scripted, rewards will be shown. (Note: Missions will be displayed like the mission tracker.)
First free capsule (50 EXP, 3x Jackie Zazzerino, 1x Westfalia van Beerovin’)
Rank 1:
Upgrade 5 Batons (48 EXP, 4x Jackie Zazzerino)
Level Up 2 Cards (45 EXP, 5x Jackie Zazzerino, 1x Guido D’Allegro)
Own 150 Flutes (48 EXP, 4x Jackie Zazzerino)
Own 30 Bassoons (47 EXP, 4x Johann Saturn Bacchus)
Collect 2 B Batons (55 EXP, 3x Johann Saturn Bacchus, 1x Westfalia van Beerovin’)
Rank 2:
Collect 25 Cards (Armored Capsule)
Unlock Music Stands (48 EXP, 5x Johann Saturn Bacchus, 1x Guido D’Allegro)
Upgrade 2 Music Stands (72 EXP, 7x Chip Berry, 1x Hendrick Barley)
Own 24,842 Bassoons
Rank 3:
Spend 300 EXP (Armored Capsule)
Own 5,000 Drum Kits
Collect 940 T Batons
Collect 250 EXP (Armored Capsule)
Own 50 Violins (80 EXP, 3x Jo Haytin’, 6x Chip Berry, 1x Queenie Singer)
Rank 4:
Collect 4.44 B Music Stands (Armored Capsule)
Own 5,000 Violins
Own 191,191 Drum Kits
Collect 555 BB Batons
Own 98,765 Violins
Level Up 3 Cards (Armored Capsule)
Own 19 Saxophones (100 EXP, 3x Lady Ella Geraldine, 8x Jo Haytin’, 1x Hendrick Barley)
Rank 5:
Collect 82.2 CC Batons
Own 987,654 Violins
Collect 50 Cards (Armored Capsule)
Collect 7.37 AA Music Stands (Armored Capsule)
Own 363 Harps (113 EXP, 4x Wolfgang AmaDeus-Ex, 9x Lady Ella Geraldine, 1x Queenie Singer)
Rank 6:
Own 500,000 Saxophones
Unlock Sheet Music
Upgrade 4 Sheet Music
Spend 600 EXP (Armored Capsule)
Own 1,234 Erhu
Collect 11 EE Batons
Rank 7:
Collect 2.32 M Sheet Music (143 EXP, 7x Liu Erhu, 10x Wolfgang AmaDeus-Ex, 2x Queenie Singer)
Own 2.5 M Saxophones
Collect 400 EXP
Own 555,555 Harps
Own 5 Keyboards (148 EXP, 5x Buddy Bop St. Clair, 15x Liu Erhu, 2x Guido D’Allegro)
Rank 8:
Collect 55.5 FF Batons
Own 989,989 Erhu
Level Up 3 Cards (Armored Capsule)
Spend 900 EXP
Own 7.5 M Harps (Armored Capsule)
Own 666 Keyboards
Collect 4.44 T Sheet Music (157 EXP, 6x Neon Tadao, 16x Buddy Bop St. Clair, 2x Westfalia van Beerovin’)
Rank 9:
Collect 10 DD Music Stands
Collect 100 Cards (Armored Capsule)
Collect 3.23 II Batons
Own 100,000 Kotos
Own 15 M Harps
Rank 10:
Own 33 Trumpets (200 EXP, 4x Georgie ‘Bugle’ Fingerhook, 8x Neon Tadao, 13x Buddy Bop St. Clair, 2x Tanpura Charleston)
Collect 4.8 GG Music Stands
Level Up 3 Cards (Armored Capsule)
Own 5 M Kotos
Collect 130 JJ Batons
Own 17.5 M Keyboards
Collect 987 BB Sheet Music (Armored Capsule)
Collect 800 EXP
Rank 11:
Own 2.8 M Trumpets
Collect 53.3 HH Music Stands
Own 35 M Keyboards
Collect 1.5 MM Batons (Armored Capsule)
Rank 12:
Spend 1200 EXP (Armored Capsule)
Own 3 Electric Guitars (250 EXP, 5x Drix Headstock, 11x Georgie ‘Bugle’ Fingerhook, 14x Neon Tadao, 2x Groovy Kengyo)
Collect 50 DD Sheet Music
Own 15 M Trumpets
Collect 22.2 II Music Stands
Collect 200 Cards (Armored Capsule)
Rank 13:
Own 88 Pekings (275 EXP, 6x Noto Java, 11x Drix Headstock, 15x Georgie ‘Bugle’ Fingerhook, 2x Tampura Charleston)
Collect 18.9 OO Batons
Own 68,000 Electric Guitars
Collect 500 EE Sheet Music
Level Up 4 Cards (Armored Capsule)
Own 250 M Trumpets
Collect 280 JJ Music Stands
Unlock Vinyl Records
Rank 14:
Upgrade 1 Vinyl Records
Collect 6.89 PP Batons
Own 690,000 Pekings
Collect 1200 EXP
Own 111 Gramophones (300 EXP, 8x Emile Turntablesen, 12x Noto Java, 17x Drix Headstock, 3x Groovy Kengyo)
Rank 15:
Own 26.4 M Electric Guitars
Collect 88.88 M Vinyl Records
Collect 9 GG Sheet Music
Spend 1500 EXP (Armored Capsule)
Collect 1 QQ Batons
Collect 4.34 MM Music Stands (Armored Capsule)
Own 2 Pianos (325 EXP, 8x Fredrick Chopmont, 12x Emile Turntablesen, 19x Noto Java, 3x Tampura Charleston)
Rank 16:
Collect 17.1 B Vinyl Records
Own 10 M Pekings
Collect 300 Cards (Armored Capsule)
Collect 363 QQ Batons
Own 200 M Electric Guitars
Collect 8.48 II Sheet Music
Own 1.5 M Gramophones
Level Up 4 Cards (Armored Capsule)
Collect 1.22 NN Music Stands
Rank 17:
Own 2 Microphones (350 EXP, 9x Frank Sparta, 14x Fredrick Chopmont, 18x Emile Turntablesen, 3x Queenie Singer)
Own 8,700 Pianos
Own 120 M Gramophones
Collect 1200 EXP (Armored Capsule)
Collect 2 JJ Sheet Music
Own 88 M Pekings
Own 2 Jukeboxes (375 EXP, 9x Pete Kor Spinnerbottom, 14x Frank Sparta, 20x Fredrick Chopmont, 3x Bill PutMneme)
Rank 18:
Own 4.32 M Pianos
Spend 2000 EXP (Armored Capsule)
Collect 3.53 PP Music Stands
Own 250 Jukeboxes
Collect 60 UU Batons
Own 200 M Pekings
Collect 400 Cards (Armored Capsule)
Own 333,333 Microphones
Collect 8.88 BB Vinyl Records
Rank 19:
Collect 1.23 KK Sheet Music
Own 200,000 Jukeboxes
Level Up 4 Cards (Armored Capsule)
Collect 777 QQ Music Stands (Armored Capsule)
Own 33.3 M Microphones
Own 40.4 M Pianos
Collect 1.2 CC Vinyl Records
Own 2 Sitars
Collect 54.3 KK Sheet Music (400 EXP, 10x Raven Valentino, 15x Pete Kor Spinnerbottom, 21x Frank Sparta, 3x Robot M-00G)
Collect 1200 EXP (Armored Capsule)
Rank 20:
Collect 1.31 VV Batons
Own 88.8 M Microphones
Collect 2.34 LL Sheet Music
Own 300 M Jukeboxes (Armored Capsule)
Spend 2500 EXP (Armored Capsule)
Collect 521 RR Music Stands
Rank 21:
Own 121 M Pianos
Collect 13 FF Vinyl Records
Own 25,000 Sitars
Collect 11.1 SS Music Stands
Collect 400 Cards (Armored Capsule)
Collect 232 VV Batons
Rank 22:
Own 4 Boomboxes (450 EXP, 11x Fritz Fumer, 15x Raven Valentino, 22x Pete Kor Spinnerbottom, 3x Robot M-00G)
Own 150 M Microphones
Collect 345 MM Sheet Music
Level Up 4 Cards (Armored Capsule)
Own 111 Boomboxes
Collect 222 SS Music Stands
Collect 44 GG Vinyl Records
Own 23 M Sitars
Collect 1600 EXP (Armored Capsule)
Collect 369 WW Batons
Own 424 M Pianos
Collect 75.7 NN Sheet Music
Rank 23:
Own 4,000 Boomboxes
Spend 3000 EXP (Armored Capsule)
Level Up 4 Cards (Armored Capsule)
Collect 4.1 HH Vinyl Records
Own 60.6 M Sitars
Collect 500 Cards (Armored Capsule)
Collect 6.66 XX Batons
Collect 33 OO Sheet Music
Rank 24:
Own 70.7 M Boomboxes (Armored Capsule)
Spend 4000 EXP (Armored Capsule)
Collect 29.2 TT Music Stands
Collect 180 II Vinyl Records
Level Up 4 Cards (Armored Capsule)
Own 3 B Pianos
Own 340 M Boomboxes
Own 554.4 M Sitars
Collect 2000 EXP (Armored Capsule)
Own 910 M Microphones
Own 4.24 B Pianos
Own 1.2 B Microphones
Collect 6.3 PP Sheet Music
Collect 4.4 KK Vinyl Records
Max Rank:
Own 3.5 B Microphones
Collect 2 ZZ Batons
Collect 1.1 VV Music Stands
Own 1.01 B Sitars
Spend 4000 EXP (Armored Capsule)
Collect 333 QQ Sheet Music
Collect 22 MM Vinyl Records
Own 26.4 B Pianos
Own 3 B Boomboxes
Collect 500 Cards (Armored Capsule)
Repeat this cycle and multiply all production missions by 10 and people missions by 3 each ten missions, and finish at two hundred total missions.
These mission changes may not be great, but they’ll probably be better than they are currently, and there are no big redundant missions like the current balance. Some changes are a bit debatable, especially considering that Rank 24 requires way more people than Rank 23, but it should be more completable than the current balance. I want your opinions on these missions.
Also, Bill PutMneme should be initially x11 instead of x10 just to keep the increase by 2 per age. This is more of an OCD than a helpful thing, but please, Hyper Hippo, just do it.
HH, if you see this, please DO something about this event. I’m pretty sure half of experienced players don’t play this event because its balance is terrible, and you’ve been told that multiple times. I would like a reasonable event, and even if you don’t change the missions, at least change the costs and scripted capsules. This event needs scripted capsules and we all know it. I want feedback on these changes, but I really hope I gave you a good balance for this current event. I would like to see change for this event, and I really hope you viewers agree that this event isn’t great, and it would be an honour if this balance got implemented.
Thanks,
Bestie Boo