Angry on boyfriend quotes

I asked him to.
The day started badly. I normally wake at 5am for BJJ. I haven’t the last week or so, I’ve been ill and didn’t want to spread it. I forgot to turn the alarm off this morning. It woke him early and disrupted his sleep.
I got up at half 6 to make him pancakes and tea - my day wasn’t busy and I like giving him a good morning before work.
His work day was long - they didn’t let him leave on time so he missed the last bus. I came to pick him up and dropped him off at hockey. We argued as I couldn’t find the club and he was being unhelpful (“it’s here”). I was angry he was rude. There was no need.
He walked back, but forgot his work clothes at the pitch. I drove us there to get them. They’re expensive. We argued about whether he was rude. We got back. I downloaded the dashcam footage. He was rude and the entrance was damn hard to see.
We argued about me always having to be right. I went for a shower. He left the bedroom door open - we’ve had a massive argument before about this. We have male roommates. The bathroom door could not be closed. He knew how much I cared about this. That it would upset me.
He left it open and my roommate saw me naked. I cried. I felt so violated and embarrassed. He apologised. Then asked me why I was crying. Said he probably didn’t see much through the steam. That the door was closed - roommate closed it. That it was a mistake. I always blame him for his mistakes, twist his words. We never argued about this. I can never admit I’m wrong, I think I’m god’s gift. All of a sudden, it’s my fault.
“I don’t want to be with you.” It’s like a bomb hit him. He’s finally sitting in silence. Then apologies profusely. This goes on. I finally ask him why it took that to get basic empathy. He says it shook him, he realised how wrong he was.
But I don’t know if I do want to be with him now. Something snapped when he asked me why I was crying. I can’t stop crying now. Do I want to break up? Or is it heat of the moment?
We’re talking tomorrow morning. I don’t know what to say. Am I overreacting?
TLDR: Boyfriend left bathroom door open, roommate saw me naked. The argument after has made me doubt our relationship.

the girl isn't in our grade, she's two above us. so my enemy, who I'll call j, had a crush on this girl in choir, a. a liked him back. now, a doesn't get what goes on during the regular school day when not in choir.
everybody hates j because of how toxic he is. he's made people punch-a-wall angry, and i've gone to the dean about him numerous times. he makes up the most random shit, like today, he came up to me and said my friend called me a whore, when j gave a scenario and was like, "who's the whore? [deadname], [deadname] or [deadname?]
so yesterday i was asking a why she liked the guy and she said he had a good personality. so she obviously doesn't even know him, a fucking hallway crush at this point. and today j's best friend who's kind of my boyfriend told me that they were officially dating?
i'm so scared for a because i know that j will do something to her, and right now, the guy who told me is teaching him how to fight or something. j already harasses me and other women on a daily basis, along with saying slurs and making sexist comments (he's said to me numerous times, "shut up dishwasher, get back to the kitchen and make us a couple sandwiches.")
what do i do? i'm scared for a because she's my friend, and i'm pissed that she didn't listen to me and proceeded to date this bastard.

Hi Reddit, throwaway because my fiancé uses Reddit loads. I am hopelessly in love with my boyfriend. We have been together for coming up to two years this summer. I love this man more than anything and I know he loves me the same. But I have lots of little “problems” and I’m terrified they’re going to eventually add up to too many for him, and he’ll decide I’m not worth the effort, or heartache.
My problems my boyfriend wants me to work on: 1. Procrastinate. Often say I’ll do something then procrastinate it. Because of this I’ve missed out on a couple of job opportunities as I missed the deadlines. I don’t know why I do this as I was so excited for the jobs for example but I did. It’s like even though my brain is telling me to do it my body doesn’t follow. I have improved on this, I joined a class and have kept up with it regularly and I am better at completing chores before bed or in manageable chunks but I still procrastinate in other areas. My boyfriend tells me I’m going to miss out on life goals and get left behind compared to him and my peers. He’s very successful and recently got a promotion at work and he also puts things off but it’s different things that usually cost money like visiting the doctor for something he’s had for a while. 2. Late. My boyfriend is very timely as is his whole family. I tend to be late a lot as do my family. My boyfriend and I will agree to leave the house at 5pm for a dinner for example, but I’m not ready by 5.10pm and it causes an argument or he’ll not want to go at all. He is very strict about this but even over two years I still struggle with being on time. I do feel a little defeated as I think 10 minutes isn’t so bad but it’s something hugely important to him and minor to me so I figure I should be the one who compromises here and I do try, I just struggle to. I do feel like I am on time for him more often than he thinks as he says I’m always late and rarely on time. 3. Uncontrolled emotions. Whenever I get upset I don’t just step away or get a small amount of upset. I get massively upset, crying, panicky breathing, I put my foot in my mouth and go overboard and say things I wish I hadn’t. My boyfriend tells me I’m being emotional and he’ll return to the convo when I’m calmer but this makes it worse as I’m convinced he’s gonna break up with me. Then I make him angrier by not listening and keeping going on and then he gets madder because he says I’m not listening to him and if I actually cared I would try in the first place instead of arguing after suffering the consequences (like above when he cancelled our dinner and I got mad and upset and he said it was because I was late one time too many and this was the result and that I obviously don’t care about trying for his sake). Then I got mad and said he’s trying to change me and he said if I don’t want to change one minor thing that is big for him I clearly don’t love him very much.
I do love him very much. We have different cultural backgrounds so that’s been tough to navigate but we have managed it together. We live together and mostly we get along well but when these above things go wrong it’s always a huge deal. I feel like I make it a huge deal by how I react instead of taking responsibility for it.
He has his own problems too. He tells me off a lot in an angry tone for lots of little things. Like if I’m being too slow to tidy a room or if I take a corner too fast. He says I’m being careless. If I argue back he says I’m acting like a kid.
Writing it all out like this makes it seem like he’s a jerk and sometimes I think that too, and wonder why he won’t be softer or less strict about these things. Then I wonder if it’s just because I lack good boundaries but he has strong ones. I go with the flow but on the inside there are things I expect too, I just don’t voice them or stick to them very well. So then all our arguments seem one-sided as I don’t bring up my own issues until we’re in a fight.
I know it’s not healthy and I am in therapy to work on my problems but recently we got in a huge fight and now he’s asked for space and I think he might break up with me. I feel like there is only so many times I will say I will do better before he stops believing me. Even though I am genuinely trying and since we first met I have gotten much better.
In exchange I feel like his short temper is exactly the same as always and he hasn’t gone to therapy for it he says he’s dealing with it. He also has a habit of when we argue and I spiral to say “I would have taken you out today, I would have said sorry first but you said X thing and ruined” which makes me feel guilty and self-hate for ruining his attempt to reach out. He also is the type who asks for space vs me who wants to hash it out then and there. Everytime he says “I need to think” I am certain he will decide that he doesn’t love me enough and will break up.
I also feel like because he is a really good speaker (he has to be for his job) he wins every argument and even if I come into it feeling like I justified for feeling sad I leave it feeling like an idiot or that I just said sorry for everything and he said sorry for nothing even if he was harsh about me.
This is a rambling post, but my head and thoughts are messy. Please ask any questions so I can make things clearer.
And because this post is about our problems is sounds like our relationship is bad, but it’s more like, our relationship is great until a problem happens and it’s usually my fault and it usually ends up huge. But when we don’t have these problems we are super close and affectionate and loving.
I guess I’m just tired of feeling like a failure. I’m tired of doing things and regretting them. I’m tired of trying my best and still when push comes to shove, repeating old bad habits.
If anyone has advice on how to improve these but mainly how to demonstrate to my boyfriend that I am a work in progress but that doesn’t mean I don’t love him or care about him, please help!

Sorry if my English is bad, it's not my main language.
So I (26f) am not a person who likes conflicts, if my snack comes wrong I will probably tell you that it came wrong but I will eat it anyway and still be grateful, I have improved about this over the years, but I still hate creating conflicts.
Yet for a few years now I've been feeling fed up with nosy people or people who like to make nasty comments about people, so in a passive aggressive way I often rebut a comment in a way that can make them feel embarrassed. I will give some examples:
One time a friend of a friend saw my leg tattoo and made a joke about how ridiculous it was and what a tattoo it must have meant (I have a cat with glasses on my leg), I turned to him pretending to cry and said I got this tattoo with a friend of mine who unfortunately passed away, that was her cat (a lie, I got that tattoo in a flash), he apologized and walked away. Or another time a co-worker made a comment about my blouse being tacky and I said it was the only thing my grandmother left me after she left (she's still alive).
You must have already understood, so last Saturday I went out with friends of mine and a friend's boyfriend was with us, in my opinion he is Your Majesty the king of assholes, he loves to make derogatory comments, no one in the group likes him and we always avoid him, We didn't know he was coming, it didn't take long and he started talking about everyone's appearance, how much my friend had gained weight, he made fun of our friend who was cheated on by his girlfriend saying that his little friend should be small, he humiliated his girlfriend by saying how ugly she was and today she got better, and it was like that all night. But then he got to me, I normally accept the comments and stay quiet while he laughs to himself, but that day I was tired, so he talked about my short haircut saying that I looked like a man, so I sighed deeply, I looked to him and said it was due to the chemotherapy. We were in a public place and he was silent and stopped laughing, people were giving him dirty looks and for the first time that night he shut up, I said everything was fine and changed the subject, two minutes later he left alone.
As soon as he went, some of my friends started laughing, since many of them already know this side of me, to the others it was explained that as soon as they understood they laughed a lot, but his girlfriend got angry and called me an idiot, saying it's cruel Embarrassing people, it made me think, am I wrong by having these attitudes?

It is my biggest trigger. My (32F) partner (31M) have been together for almost 9 years with some rough patches, break ups. Im diagnosed with ADHD, form of autism and more recently body dysmorphia, which Im getting treatment for.
My previous relationship was highly toxic and this one has some bad aspects too, Im not the most easy lover. Partly due to me being how I am and my past experience. Porn has always made me extreme insecure, but its like its increasing now Im getting older and the porn actress seem to have everything I want bodily wise. Even m
My boyfriend only watches it like once a week or less, when Im not around to have sex with.He assured me like a 100 times its only to get off, he doesnt compare me and he thinks Im super hot and his number 1, he even said one time getting jealous about a porn actress is like getting jealous at a superman movie bc you can't fly-he knows its fake. I get so anxious, anger and full panic when he has watched it. Every time I go crazy to him like WHY DO YOU CHOOSE PORN OVER ME? WHAT DID YOU WATCH, SHE IS SO PERFECT! I WANT TO GET PLASTIC SURGERY etc and I cry and want him to. ' prove' that he still gets horny from me. But screaming or sending crazy texts is not making him horny and I go like 'SEE YOU LIKE PORN GIRLS WAY MORE, I understand you since my body looks so weird.'
the think is also, why he gets so angry at my freak out, Ive cheated on him 1 time, we worked lot on it, i did everything to make it up, couples counseling and he also admitted he made mistakes to me. But me getting a freak out about porn, he is NOT having that , he wants to break up with me in a moment like that. How dare I get angry at a movie.and I completely understand and I feel so ashamed of my reactiob. Both my therapist and boyfriend have said If I just say what my fear is in a calm proper way after I learn he watched porn, I can get the re-assurement that I need so badly. But I get triggered so badly, its like I go to another world for a moment.
How do other people with body dysmorphia go about porn their partner consumed??? How do deal with the feelings? How to react calm??? Any advice or similar stories are welcome

Last summer, my daughter’s boyfriend of 3 years asked permission to marry my daughter. She is 24 years old and just completed graduate school. Boyfriend just finished graduate school and has a steady job.
My husband said no. While we aren’t the biggest fans of the boyfriend, the sole reason for saying no is because we do not feel like our daughter is ready to be married. She doesn’t take care of herself, she refused to find a job for a long time, relying on us or the boyfriend to fully support her during graduate school. She did eventually find a job but worked the bare minimum hours. She is immature and in our opinion not ready to be married. We realize that’s our opinion, she is an adult and can do what she wants, but they asked for permission and we gave an honest answer.
They left our house angry and did not speak to us for several weeks. Finally my daughter expressed her disappointment that we said no, and we explained our reasons. We were fully aware they would probably get engaged anyway and that’s fine. We did suggest they wait a year and give my daughter time to get established after graduating.
They got engaged. And to their credit they did make changes. They took over paying their rent fully. My daughter took out a loan for the remainder of her tuition. My daughter still did not pick up more hours, but the boyfriend put them on a budget and made it work. We recognize their effort.
Shortly after we were notified that they had gotten engaged. We were a little hurt that they went against our advice, but again they are adults and can make their own choices.
At that point the funding we were helping her with was medical bills.
As she has approached graduation, she has done the bare minimum to find a job, settling for a temp position. She expected to stay on our benefits even though her job offered her own. She has told people that we “cut her off financially”.
Last week I received an engagement party invite from my daughter’s friend. My daughter has not mentioned this party at all, including last weekend when we were all together for 3 days. This has done nothing but confirm my decision that she is immature and not ready for marriage.
AITAH for not wanting to attend? The party is 4 hours away in the middle of a Saturday. It would last 2-3 hours at most and then I would have to drive 4 hours home. I already had plans for the weekend it’s scheduled (baseball game tickets) and I feel like if my daughter isn’t mature enough to tell me directly about the party, I shouldn’t attend and give the impression I support her getting married at this time.
I would RSVP no to the hostess and leave it at that.
I am willing and would like to have a discussion with my daughter about this especially considering the next event would be a wedding, but previous attempts have shown she is not receptive to having that discussion at this time. She basically told me we should have said yes regardless of our opinion.
So, AITAH?

But of context i guess I (14f) and my brother (17m) had a pretty shitty upbringing we had an abusive dad my parents divorced when I we were both too young to really remember my dad was never very violent but he was very emotional abusive I stopped seeing and talking to my dad when I was 7 due to a lot of reasons but that’s a different rant anyway after that my mum dated another abusive man he never really hit me but he did hit/ attack my brother a few times he more emotionally abused me my mum left him in November 2019 and ever since it’s just been us three my brother is very strong he’s only 5’9 but still a good bit taller than me and he’s a boxer me but I can hit a good punch as well we always argued and fought as kids but it was never really that violent kinda more pushing and wrestling anyway I’m not exactly sure when it started but I remember a few times he said some pretty shitty things to me and did some pretty shit things starting from 2020 when I was 10 my mum bought me this little short set it had a cropped hoodie that was black and shorts that were black I wore a black vest underneath and when my brother saw me in it called me a whore when he was 13 (I turned 14 recently and would never imagine saying that to a 10 year old or even thinking that about a 10 year old) and said that all I’m ever gonna be in life is a one time use for some one like Jeffery epstine this hurt me but like whatever he made me full on sob free he repeated called me autistic and “special” for over an hour and saying I was a mistake I’m not exactly sure when the violence started but I remember one time I think I was 11 he wanted the remote and I didn’t give it to him so he punched me in the face took the remote it hurt like fuck so I was crying and he told my mum I was crying because he took the remote and didn’t tell her he punched me I got called dramatic and emotional then whenever we would have a disagreement he started turning violent like basically squaring up to me if we were arguing in the car he would jump over from the front seat while my mum was driving and hit me like full on multiple shots to the face and trust me I’ve had enough punches to know they hurttttt! Like ur face and body is sore for days like multiple days when I came out as bisexual and asked to use she/they he called me a mistake and told me I’d be better off dead he called me a bunch of slurs and different shit and that went on for quite a while he doesn’t care anymore tho whenever we argue or if I do things like make a small mistake he will call me really shitty things say I’d be better dead tell me to kill myself say that he’s gonna kill me his favourite move is to chase me about the house and when I go to my room and push it shut basically push it in and hit me over small disagreements he’s basically reason why I’m insecure about a lot of things because he just basically calls every part of me ugly I think the thing recently is that he’s 17 he’s 18 in December he’s learning how to drive and like he’s too old for this bs like yk and I’m done with it in December we went to Cuba I’m Scottish and Scottish parents tend to be quite loose especially on holiday one night I get a bit too drunk and my mum tells me brother to take me home when I say too drunk I mean I am black out and the whole time we’re walking he’s saying shit to me and all this bs at the time I’m 13 and he’s 17 anyway when we get in I get very angry cause he went out for a smoke and I thought ogiht he had left me completely so very drunk me finds his favourite football shirt gets shampoo and put’s shampoo or body wash all over it I can’t really remember when he comes in he sees this and he goes mental he chases me to my room and hits me and then I’m on the bed and he starts choking me while punching the shit out of me eventually I get him out and I lock the door but he spends the full night outside the door calling me ever single name under the sun yeah I get I shouldn’t of done that but it was only body wash it comes out the next morning I wake up with some pretty nasty bruises and some marks on my neck the worse one was on my leg were he kicked me a couple times and it bruised purple for like 2 weeks the next day he acts like nothing happened like he always does somtimes I wonder if he genuinely doesn’t see a problem with his behaviour a few months later we’re arguing outside about somthing stupid and he shuved me hard I rarely hit him back when he does this shit but I told him “I’m gonna fucking hit you” he gets in my face and says “who the fuck do you think ur speaking to” he turns around I hit him in the r head so hard that his head went forward and his airpod fell out the other side he turns around and hits me 4/5 times in the face and a couple body hits we argue I go back inside he shouts for a bit but we move on today he squared up to me over something small and I told him to fuck off he chases me to my room my mum comes over he sorts it out and I tell her “I’m fucking done with this I’m not gonna live on eggshells because I’m scared of my own brother” and she’s like “I’ll talk to him” this pisses me off I’m like “no you’ve said that for the last three years if you don’t sort him out the next time he hits me or tires to I’m gonna fucking kill him I mean it” she talks to him he starts shouting at her and I’m like this can’t be normal surley but the thing is that when he’s not like this he’s a really good brother so it’s hard to not forgive him I’m so angry right now but in an hour he’ll charm his way into me forgiving him and no matter how hard I try I can’t I actually feel somtimes like he’s an abusive boyfriend that I can’t leave I mean I love my mum and my brother but it’s not like this is enough reason to leave them plus even if it was I have no where to go I have no family that would think what he does is wrong another thing is when my mums talking to me after he pisses me off tryna calm me down he stands behind her smirking trying to piss me off more

My boyfriend and I are currently doing long distance and usually we rant to each other occasionally while telling each other about our day. Earlier in the day I ranted to him about how work has been, where I was put on the schedule for assisting in procedures, even though it wasn’t my turn for this week, since I’ve already done it almost everyday and it should be a new person every day. I’m usually picked for the more intricate tasks over others there because I just happened to be better at what I do and have been doing it for longer, and they don’t want to train the new people to get to that level since it’s just easier to make me do it. I always rant to him about how I try to bring it up to my leadership but get told that it’s my job to do what I’m told and to follow the schedule. And I really can’t say much back because I know that if I do, it’ll only make things harder for me in the long run because they technically aren’t doing anything wrong, just being lazy. I go to my boyfriend just to complain and rant and let it out. However, as I was done ranting he told me I need to go higher in my chain of command and be better at explaining instead of sounding like I’m arguing, and it’ll all go away. He started saying that the reason I’m in this predicament is because I complain instead of making a change, and just need to be better at using my words. What he doesn’t understand is that the last time I’ve done that, all it did was get me transferred somewhere else and just make me start all over again. He then proceeded to say that if it was him, this would never happen and they all would’ve been out of their position in no time. All of this talk just made me more angry because he doesn’t understand that our work place are not the same at all, and that he needs to be more realistic. In addition, I leave in a month so I dont see why I would start something that I won’t even have time to finish. How can I get him to understand that it’s just not that easy without making it feel like I’m mad at him for helping or offering advice?
EDIT: I’m also in the military if that changes anything about why it’s harder to bring up stuff to my chain of command, since it is a bit taboo to skip ranks and go all the way up.
TLDR: Boyfriend thinks I need to stop complaining about having to do more work than others and should just talk to the higher ups about it instead, but I leave in a month and know it’s not going to go anywhere.

This might be long but..
Two weeks ago my boyfriend was in a pretty bag accident, totaled his car, pretty bad whiplash and was out of work for 7 days.
He was at a 4 way stop except east-west did not have a stop sign. He was going straight and stopped, he saw no one coming either way and drove ahead. When looking to the right there is a ton of trees as well as the road is curved and supposed to be 30 mph. When he went straight, a huge Escalade came crashing into him. Car spun out and airbags deployed, anti freeze leaking everywhere. The witness behind him told him he saw him stop and he was good it was the other person.
He's in the ambulance and now the cop is writing him a citation on site, for violation of a stop sign, without speaking to him and only talking to the other people who hit him and the witness, apparently the witness told him something separate.
Couple days go by, insurance quoted his car, he's tried to get an attorney but they won't let him because the officer says it's his fault. He's very direct on the part that he yielded and stopped, and there was not anyone there.The other family now has gotten an attorney and coming for him and his insurance. At this point, he's fed up, he feels like he shouldn't be getting a citation since he did stop, the witness there is NO info on this said person. The cop even gave him the wrong case number when giving him the info because the same situation happened about an hour prior. The cop stated this is a really bad intersection and this situation wreck happens all the time, the department has complained as well as the people who live near it.
We are looking for anyway he can fight this. I'm aware and he is too that he could be partially at fault but he still wants to fight this as he knows there was no one there and the way the road is he had NO way of knowing.
All attorneys are saying they can't help because he's "at fault". what can we do? who do we call? I need actual advice please.

I am 24 male with a 23 female. I am turning 25 in a few weeks I have been in a relationship since 18 since the end of 2020 with my partner who helped with some bad times… when I say bad times I mean living with my mum who had an abusive boyfriend since I was 13 years old thankfully since I turned 18 I decided to move in with dad since due to the angry emotions I would feel towards my mums bf thankfully they would seperate not to long after ( my mum suffered black eyes and broken fingers - I moved in with my dads shared accommodation - anyways the real reason I am posting this I have had sex with my partner probs under 10 times since moving to our home (since end of 2020) She has been on medication for the anxiety/depression for more than the last few years she has been taken medication - I feel no affection and do not feel loved from My partner- I.e no hugs or kisses I feel more than a close friend than a lover we use to make love or show affection almost every day or Once a week and I feel I need a partner who Loves me and shows affection as I feel like I am not a boyfriend. in the last few years I have barely been kissed/hugged or shown the way i feel should feel from a partner - previously in the first 2 years of the relationship I felt loved - i do love my girlfriend very much but I also feel I cannot live like this the rest of my life we have a dog of 3 years of age (golden retirever and house) (3 years mortgage in England) - which I am very blessed to have as I grew up poor with council housing if you can call it that) I am conflict between my loyalty to my partner and I do still I have love for her even tho I feel i deserve someone who can give me affection i am scared to end things as I feel so blessed with The life I have… a couple years ago after a year in our house I almost ended things due to the way she treated me ( I stayed at my nans for a more than month for space) the way she treated me like the way she spoke to me and how she was so controlling just before she was on anxiety medication when I started seeing my friends more it was worst Time… I had seen her headbutting our front door very badly and went missing for a whole day which I had to call her parents for which I could i could not deal with myself. The worst example I can say was when I went to play tennis with my grandad who was 70+ (before we had a house/mortgage at the time she would throw a strop and get in a mood with me the worst times before we had a house - when we had our own house and I realised I was deprived from my friends that I would have to deal with someone who would not talk to me for almost more than a few than days until I engage the conversation what was wrong then I would get her shouting at me then would have to deal with her being upset and saying please dont leave me…. Since all the drama and since all the anxiety medication things have been better more than a year and also since wanting to see my friends - however I feel like more than a room mate than a boyfriend - I feel I deserve someone who loves me and care for me and shows me affection and love on a daily basis- I am really stuck and confused if I should leave - I am Very conflicted on what to do and what is best for me and her I love her loads and she had helped through dark times but I am not sure what is the best for my future or my kids… please do help I have these feelings of leaving my partner for more than a couple years and have of struggled on what the best action to take… love & peace whoever who is reading this!

"For some women, the sorrow that often comes with having an abortion can last a lifetime. Many have a lingering sense of loss and a desire to turn back the clock. Others suffer silently for years before finally sharing their stories as compassionate cautionary tales for others. Here are just a few of their stories
Leslie’s Story Leslie got pregnant during her senior year of college, and again a year and a half later. Both times, she chose to have an abortion. “I gave up my two babies early on for a career, and then I was so depressed and the impact it had on my life, I couldn’t do my career.” “[I] got my dream job hosting a morning talk show. But a little bit before then, I’d learned I was pregnant and I just knew there was no way that I could do a TV show. My job would be gone if they found out I was pregnant.” “I went and got rid of that ‘inconvenience’ and went on and did this show.” After the abortions, Leslie became depressed and turned to drinking and drugs. She quit her job and returned to living with her parents. “After that, I was pretty much done. I was hollowed out, but I didn’t understand why.” “That’s why I speak out, in hopes that other people that are suffering in silence break that silence.
Michelle’s Story Michelle got pregnant at age 35. Her long-term partner, who had children from a previous relationship, had made it clear he didn’t want more children. Although Michelle initially saw the pregnancy as a kind of blessing, her partner still wouldn’t accept having another child, so she gave in. “I was torn because I felt like this was a weird twist of fate that I had wanted, but I couldn’t rationalize having a baby that wasn’t wanted by their father, plus I was suffering from intense fatigue and morning sickness, along with fear, isolation, and shame. Because I didn’t have much time before it was too late for a medical abortion, I made the decision to terminate less than a couple weeks after finding out I was pregnant. I immediately regretted it. I cried for days. It’s been 2 weeks since; I will have moments of a regular day, and out of nowhere I will feel like a ghost of a person… intense sadness followed by emptiness. I don’t know what to do moving forward. I hear it gets easier, but I feel so lost right now.”
Monica’s Story Monica was a teen in high school when she got pregnant. Although she had a supportive partner, they decided together to get an abortion, largely out of fear of what others would think. “I was so afraid of my dad being disappointed and angry with me. I was afraid of people judging me and thinking I was a failure. I was afraid my dad would blame my boyfriend for it.” “We secretly went to a clinic to get an abortion.” “After the procedure, I felt relief. I thought life would resume as normal, and it did for a while. I didn’t count on years later, looking at the three children I have since carried and thinking of our baby that we selfishly aborted out of fear of facing our family. Who would they be now? Words can’t express my regrets. Very few people know, and I carry shame for the mistake I made to mask what I thought was a mistake. I only hope that God has our child and I hope one day I will know who they were.”
Elizabeth’s Story Elizabeth got pregnant at 17, and while that was 34 years ago, she remembers every detail, including the grief she felt then and still works to overcome today. “When I realized I was pregnant, I had some very complex emotions. I was simultaneously so happy and terribly sad at the same time.” “When (my parents) found out I was pregnant, I don’t remember any discussion about options. I do remember a lot of talk about how irresponsible I was and how this could wreck my life, and the ‘obvious solution.’ I was dead and numb. My mom took me to the clinic. I paid for (the abortion) myself. It was awful.” “I was going against something my heart knew was wrong.” In the years that followed, Elizabeth drank alcohol regularly, found herself in abusive relationships, and had several more pregnancies. “I’ve had seven pregnancies. One was the abortion, four miscarriages, and two beautiful daughters. I have had a lot of female issues which eventually lead to a hysterectomy. I often wondered if any of it was related to the abortion.” “Through the years, I have struggled with alcoholism (I don’t drink anymore), depression, anxiety, workaholism… and many behaviors I used to keep myself busy.” “On the other side of my story is joy and love. I’m finally getting there, crawling out from under the debris of guilt, sadness, shame, depression, insecurity, and grief.
Chandra’s Story Chandra chose the abortion pill as the means to abort her child. Like many women, she presumably believed this approach might be easier to deal with than undergoing an actual in-office medical procedure. Chandra found out, however, that the emotional pain can be just the same. “It took me a week to decide to have an abortion, one hour to convince myself to swallow the pill and another week to realize I shouldn’t have done it. It may not have been the right time. I might not have had a house or a job, or been at the right stage in my relationship, but I had the support of friends and family. We could have done it. I had so much love I could have offered, but I chose convenience, and now I wish I’d chosen hard work and motherhood.”"
https://siragainesville.com/abortion-regrets-stories-from-real-women/

I (27F) last last winter (2022) wrote a long letter to my mom. I poured my heart into it, I cried the whole time writing it. I showed it to my husband to make sure I wasn’t being too mean in my writing towards my mom. I showed it to my stepsister to again make sure it was okay and made sense and to get emotional support (I’m Mexican and I didn’t want to push too far because i understand how deep generational trauma is and the parent child dynamic) I even showed it to my stepdad who immediately called me apologizing for the things I wrote in the letter (which I will get into in a moment) and was telling me about how he will divorce her (I didn’t want that and made me feel shitty) and explained why some scenarios ended up the way they did. Everyone encouraged me to send it. I was so confident that my mom was going to read it and drive over ? Write back? Call me. Something ! So I mailed it. (I mailed it because I instantly cry every time I try talking to her in person about not surface level things, it would of been easier getting words out especially when having to translate to Spanish)
In the letter I wrote about:
-Feeling emotionally neglected -the name calling my mom would do (calling me “retarded” and mimicking noises and movements of people with disability towards me among other things -My uncle being a pedo and scaring me into not saying anything to them, i later said something to a friend in HS who went to the counselor who called the police and I made up a person to protect my uncle, I was then grounded for over a year. -the carpet in my bedroom always being wet when it rained which is a lot where I live ruining my feet with a fungal infection that was just ignored (i understand it was a money issue but the hurt remains) -being yelled at for not cleaning everyday (I was the only child who would clean the kitchen and pick up leaves in the fall and stuff), sometimes she would clean again after I would do it. when asking to teach me how to do it better I would be ignored -asking her a question and being ignored -being blamed for high utility bills n being expensive for needing braces -my boyfriend in high school being suicidal when I would try to break up with him and hurting that I couldn’t go to them for help -saying that I tried to hit her to my step dad when I moved out of the way of her too quickly and making a scene about it leaving me confused -about the time she grabbed me by the hair and dragged me to the shower because I forgot to pick up the hairs I left in there after my shower -understanding that i understand she probably had a rough childhood and that all I wanted was a normal mother daughter relationship
That’s pretty much the gist among a bunch of other little things that really hurt me and I explained that it was hard to form a relationship with her in my adulthood and trust her with my kids until we addressed these things. I wanted to be acknowledged. Not even an apology really. But a conversation. I wanted to understand her more because I literally don’t know anything about her. We would never talk unless it was to eat dinner or clean something. I was always in my room during that time.
I waited a few weeks, my stepsister would visit them here and there and tell me how my mom appears sad? And maybe she needed more time.
A few months pass by I see my mom smiling in Hawaii having a good time.
At this point I’m in therapy because I’m losing hair from the stress of this and severely depressed.
Fall comes around and I finally go to visit with the encouragement of my husband, stepsister and stepdad. She acts like I’m not even there. This makes me angry. At one point my mom goes outside to smoke a cigarette im at the table with everyone and I start just talking about the hurts again, I say my mom is a narcissistic. My mom comes back inside. And for an hour. I’m complaining and she’s in the living room a few feet away saying absolutely nothing.
I leave feeling so weird. So lonely? We are now I’m 2024. I don’t have a relationship with her or my step dad really. I had to block her because she would go to Hawaii again and just living her life having a great time I was trying not to be bitter. Or angry. My step sister and step dad eventually started to question how legitimate my statements were (a lot of the meanness was when it was just my mom and I) it was so painful being misunderstood. Being told that that’s just the mom that I have. Being told that things were maybe my fault for having a problem with everything (I would always speak up when my parents would be racist and things)
I few months ago I did send her a text as a final effort. I asked why she never responded. If she wants to just leave this alone that’s okay and I will move on. And she told me that all that was on the letter were complaints. And told me about how when I was 20 I made a comment on a Facebook post about bad parenting and how everyone saw. About how embarrassed she was when people reached out to her. About how I wrote that I felt like I was in a dark environment. I didn’t know everyone saw it. I apologized for that. She told me to come over to talk because she personally has some complains about me. But she never acknowledged me. I didn’t want to go, to feel yelled at and again taken back to being a child getting yelled at.
I’m currently feeling grief. Mistrust to my family. Lonely. Jealous? About how my other siblings seem to be having a better time. How do I move on from feeling misunderstood. I feel like everyone is okay and I’m abandoned. I feel guilt for pulling my small family away from them from how hurt I am. Most times I’m okay until I see my stepsister at a family gathering that I’m never invited to. And then I’m back again to being a lonely child.

Throwaway because this is was a pretty mortifying experience for me.
I (25f) have been seeing my now (32m) boyfriend for over two months, and just kind of made an official thing. He is great and things have been going incredibly smooth. Since it is still new we obviously haven’t met each other’s families etc.
Last night after he got out of work, I came over and we had a nice night in. He works in the ER so obviously he likes to keep it low key after a shift, which I am totally fine with. This morning after we woke up and enjoyed a little morning in bed I offered to make coffee for us. I tossed on a tank top and was in the kitchen making it when I hear his front door opening. I freak out, freeze for a moment in panic and see the face of some women. That’s when I go into flight mode and ran as fast as possible into the bedroom! Like I swear I moved like Usain Bolt from that kitchen!! I threw door shut behind me and shouted to my bf that a woman just entered his apartment!! He looked so confused but went out to see what as up! A minute later I heard raised voices for maybe 3-4 minutes (no idea how long because I was still so shocked) then a door slamming.
So my boyfriend hurried in and was apologizing like crazy. He started explaining that his MOM had decided to let herself in with the key she had for emergencies only or to feed the cat if he was away etc. She claims she had texted him letting know she was swinging by because she was in the area and wanted to drop something off. His phone was on “do not disturb” because we were sleeping and such. I was mortified because I had never met his mom as things are still new and this was her first impression of me! I’m not exactly sure how much she saw as it is all such a blur but either way it’s not good.
He said he demanded his emergency key back from her and told her to get out. His phone then begins to blow up with angry texts. She was demanding an apology from me and apparently had some less than nice things to say. She also let him know she doesn’t ever want to meet me unless I give her a sincere apology for my behavior. He let her know that wouldn’t be happening and that it was her that owed us both an apology as she overstepped invading his privacy. I just want to pretend this never happened. He reassured me we are fine and that he was putting her in a time out of sorts.
I don’t want his mom to hate me, but he is adamant that she isn’t owed an apology because she is at fault. Would I be the AH for not apologizing?

Hello I am going to keep this as anonymous as possible and really only looking for way I can help. The father is a great dad kind, let him be free, and is a great communicator, but still his son has been not liking him recently. So for context I 22F (will call me Ashley) am dating a 32M (will call him John). He has a 3y old (will call him Bo) with his ex 32F (will call her Jessica). Jessica and John have only been apart a year, and currently he has 5d w Bo and she 2d. So recently Bo has been saying that he doesn't want dad, he wants mom, doesn't like dad and one time I have heard him say he hates dad. To add other thing they used to split time up evenly 3/4 day and would swap, so someone had him 4d one week and 3d another. Within the last two-three months Jessica has been requesting to have sat and sun off to "drink and organize her week" and then three days a week she works as a nurse so she cannot take him. So now it is at 5d with dad and 2d with mom. From then Bo had begun to talk about mom more and I figured typical since it is his mom and he sees her less and we do what we can to let him know she is just working and will come back to get him and we don't discourage him from talking about her. Within the last month I noticed Bo call things moms (ex: that's moms candy, that's moms cereal, that's moms tree, that's moms toy) most of the things of course are not hers as were either at a grocery store or at his dads were he's gotten new toys, and I personally don't do much to correct it. I mean he is a kid, and maybe sometimes I will be like no that's coco pebbles to help teach him the name of things but often time I am not sure what to say and just ignore it. Then too within the last month Bo hasn't been wanting to come to dads it really started one day we had to pick him at 4PM and she had just put him down for a nap and she decide instead of us coming back she was just going to wake him and that made him a bit cranky and he didn't want to leave her house and kept talking about going back to lay down. When he does come back from hers I notice often time he has heavy bags under his eyes and often make John put him to bed an hour or two early just to try to get some sleep. I wish I was kidding but sometimes I am like he should go to bed now cause he'll have double bags and just glossy eyes and noticeable irritable from being tired. Other things I notice too that whenever he comes back from hers A. he has begun to hit the table or will clap at you and point and grunt to get you to do something B. he will also be more upset when we ask him to say please or thank you and says "I don't want to I want to point" C. I understand that she had bought him nerf guns for Christmas he turned one (?? idk what john says) so she plays fight and hits with him so he will hit a lot more the day after hers as well and he doesn't understand when to play hit and sometimes he'll get really ruff and rude with his grandpa especially (his grandpa can barely hear especially high pitched voices so Bo will often hit him after grandpa doesn't hear him and respond). Very boy thing to be rough we get it so we just do our best to say we don't hit and to be kind and move on and D recently (I have picked up on it but from phone calls I have over heard she will say things like "Bo you are such a selfish boy" in like a giggly silly way and he's a huge copy cat so he'll say it back (as he'll say most everything back). Another thing I noticed every time the last 6 times we've picked him up he's got moms favorite, moms epic dude, momma boy, momma something on his shirt. WHICH again is great and cool, but I believe its more of a manipulation thing. A lot of this behavior from her is recent and not typically within the last 4-5M it has started. Ever since I got introduced to Bo he has wanted me and wants to talk to me and accidently called me mom for a month and talks about loving me a lot and about 4-5M ago she did send a huge text to John explaining she wants me nothing near her son and I am trying to take him and how she hates me, then after all that its been all super sweet talk, all mommas boy, they have also been going out more to museums and she's been bragging about taking him everywhere. So after all that context my big question is what can I do to help my boyfriends son from not talking like that and seeing that his dad is good or is there just anything I can do to help or is it just a phase? P.S yes he does punish him and he gets very angry about that, but its only for serious thing like hitting to hard sneaking out of the house or throwing grandmas decorations and smashing them knowing not that's not good, but I cant and probably actually can believe that she doesn't punish him cause she only has him two days shes off both days and can do whatever he wants plus she begged and pleaded for the house John bought so she doesn't have to live at her parents were they have they have more rules cause they don't want their stuff broken our "floor ruined" (I think it sucks but its were he lives and its who his parents are and I get it so, we also have other things to work around)

I (18 F) and my boyfriend (19 M) have been dating for almost a year now, when we first started dating he was living with his toxic/abusive Mother, so do to some circumstances he's now living with me and my family
Recently he's been going out more to go smoke weed with his friends (let's call the two important friends Homer and hunter) normally I wouldn't mind this but I have an allergy to the smoke/smell of weed so when he comes home I tend to break out, nothing too bad but bad enough for it to be incredibly uncomfortable and irritating, he always tells me he uses it for pain or to help sleep, I try to be understanding but he does it so much I can't really handle it, I've tried asking him to try edibles instead as I don't have a reaction to them but he always says they don't do what he wants
It's so bad to the point that he'll run off to go smoke with Homer and hunter right after I have a mental breakdown or when I get really bad pain (this pain has made me end up in the hospital several times before) not only that but Hunter keeps randomly showing up on days that are supposed to be just me and my BF days (Since I'm in my last year of high-school and my bf works, we agreed Sunday's were just us days whenever my bf doesn't work) and My BF doesn't tell him to leave so Hunter and my BF will just sit there and chat (with the excuse Hunter is supposed to be looking for a job and needs our internet because his parents won't give him the password because he isn't looking for jobs) and normally take a bong hit leaving my BF high for me to deal with, when those are just because not because he 'needs' them
Boyfriend knows my past issues with weed because of my ex-boyfriend and I've tried talking to my boyfriend but it feels like weed is more important than our relationship at this point
So AIO for getting upset with him??
Edit: For people asking about the pain, when he was a kid his abusive step-father at the time was angry and was swinging around a metal sheet that ended un hitting my boyfriend in the knees, cutting them open and fucking them up causing pain, he's gone to the doctor about his knees but there isn't anything they can do and my boyfriend refuses to take prescription pain killers because he doesn't walk to become a sever drug addict because there's history in his family of addiction
Also it seems I didn't make it clear enough, My boyfriend does have a job it's his friend that comes over and uses job hunting as an excuse to hangout with my bf (cause my boyfriend doesn't like his job and is looking for a new one)
He's also good about everything else, he makes me food, takes care of me when I'm sick, takes me on dates before he buys weed ect, it's just these past two-three weeks he's been ditching me, we went from hanging out every day to only after he comes home to go to bed, but he'll still do shit if I ask him it's just actually hanging out with me and the weed that's the actual issue

My father and my mother have been married for 20+ years. I have an older sister (30) who lives in the house, though she isn’t actually blood-related at all, she worked at a place my dad owned and soon she needed a place to stay so she just moved in with us and I see her as my sister. One day her and I were just browsing on her phone through her pictures and looking at memories, though I caught before she could pull the phone away a nude photo, she believes I didn’t see anything and goes throughout her day, before that day I always noted that she was very protective of her phone whenever I would ask to use it, but I brushed it off as nothing. A few weeks later her phone is bugged and we take it to apple and she gets a new phone, so her old one is at the house, a few weeks later I am dying to know, who the hell is she sending nudes to? She doesn’t have a boyfriend so who are these pictures for? I charge her phone and look at her photos and there are so many nudes. Though I find a screenshot of a text from her phone and I look up the name in her contacts and it seems she has a boyfriend, I get a little angry that she didn’t introduce him and it was so erotic but, I brush it off, she is old enough she can make decisions by herself. Though when I am looking through to find the text using the keyword searcher my dad’s number pops up and I look and she is sending him nudes and they are talking about hooking up. Even when my mom caught my dad deleting a text saying “I love you honey” to my sister and they got into a big fight over it, my sister explained to me how crazy it sounds. I feel so pissed off and lied to and disgusted, I want to do something but I’m just so lost on what to do, we aren’t financially stable to be able to have a divorce going and it would screw up our lives, but my mom, bless her heart, deserves to know. What should I do?

My father and my mother have been married for 20+ years. I have an older sister (30) who lives in the house, though she isn’t actually blood-related at all, she worked at a place my dad owned and soon she needed a place to stay so she just moved in with us and I see her as my sister. One day her and I were just browsing on her phone through her pictures and looking at memories, though I caught before she could pull the phone away a nude photo, she believes I didn’t see anything and goes throughout her day, before that day I always noted that she was very protective of her phone whenever I would ask to use it, but I brushed it off as nothing. A few weeks later her phone is bugged and we take it to apple and she gets a new phone, so her old one is at the house, a few weeks later I am dying to know, who the hell is she sending nudes to? She doesn’t have a boyfriend so who are these pictures for? I charge her phone and look at her photos and there are so many nudes. Though I find a screenshot of a text from her phone and I look up the name in her contacts and it seems she has a boyfriend, I get a little angry that she didn’t introduce him and it was so erotic but, I brush it off, she is old enough she can make decisions by herself. Though when I am looking through to find the text using the keyword searcher my dad’s number pops up and I look and she is sending him nudes and they are talking about hooking up. Even when my mom caught my dad deleting a text saying “I love you honey” to my sister and they got into a big fight over it, my sister explained to me how crazy it sounds. I feel so pissed off and lied to and disgusted, I want to do something but I’m just so lost on what to do, we aren’t financially stable to be able to have a divorce going and it would screw up our lives, but my mom, bless her heart, deserves to know. What should I do?

I'm pretty certain we're in the right here but it would be useful if I could get neutral opinions on it as well just in case. We received an angry message from a guy loosely affiliated with the last guy I asked about, who told us our work was so offensive to Native Americans that he brought up scalping as a comparison to what we supposedly implied, because we gave Native American heritage to a character who was, quote-unquote, "red" in canon, and he accused us of using this as a, quote-unquote, "stealth slur". I would agree it was iffy, except...
-The character was Prince Gumball. Gumball is purple. (Hue #201, in the magenta range.)
-Even if his skin tone could be argued to be pink since it's a very pale purple, pink in cartoon characters is usually used to denote Caucasian heritage.
-Even if he was red, I know I'm white and thus not qualified to comment, but I am pretty sure a cartoon character's colour scheme being stereotypical is not comparable to casually bringing up scalping in terms of offensiveness. To make a loose comparison, I (autistic) am less offended by portrayals of autistic people as being nerds obsessed with numbers and patterns than by the play "All in a Row" which depicts the autistic character with a literal puppet while all the neurotypicals are played by humans.
-The member of our writing group who wrote this part IS NATIVE AMERICAN HERSELF, the complaining guy knew that, and even if she had picked a character who actually was red, Red Power has been a reclaimed term since at least the 1960s, so I kinda think she'd have been entitled to.
This definitely did bring up that we needed to be clearer who wrote which part in some cases (mostly it doesn't matter but if we wanna go #ownvoices we need to tell people) but I don't think it's a fair objection to the content. Thoughts?

Hey everyone,
I joined this subreddit because I haven't been successful finding many resources online that could help me. A little background on me:
I'm 34, turning 35 very soon, and I was diagnosed with ADHD this year. I've been on medication for nearly 2 months which has improved a lot of my symptoms, especially at work. I only was assessed for ADHD because I didn't bring up that I also suspect comorbid Autism. I am still unsure because many of the "common" symptoms are very mild with me. I thought posting here could help me figure out if other diagnosed people have experienced it, or if it has no relation to autism at all. But it's been on my mind for months, there's just a lot that I can't explain with ADHD. I need to mention that I was diagnosed with BPD in the past due to extremely poor emotional regulation, but always felt like it was a misdiagnosis (even my therapist at the time said I barely scored over the required points).
Here's the things I have experienced my whole life (I know some of them are related to ADHD, but this is where the symptoms overlap):
Stimming: I've done it since I can think. As a kid I constantly ran my hands against certain textures I found interesting. I still do it, like when I work on my PC I have to run my fingers across the keys, especially where the keys have bumps, or scroll the wheel on my mouse or run my fingers across the plastic. I also pick the skin of my heel all the time, the rough bits, and sometimes so much that it hurts to walk on it. When I'm out I always have to touch rough surfaces. There's more I'm embarrassed to talk about, but in the past it caused my classmates to make fun out of me because I didn't notice it was out of the norm to do.
Eye contact: Talking to someone and looking them in the eye makes me incredibly uncomfortable and I really have to force myself to do it. When I'm in conversation I usually never directly look at someone's face, it makes me so anxious to do.
Special interests: I had these since I was extremely young and while I know this can also be attributed by ADHD, it is both a hyperfocus for me as well as an extreme hyperfixation. When I'm interested in something it completely absorbs me. I can't stop thinking about it, I have to learn everything I can about it (usually that's where my ADHD kicks in tho, because I get bored very fast and then I move onto the next interest) and, especially in the past, it used to be all I talk about, even to people who are not in the matter. For me it's gone from Disney movies as a child (Disney's Hercules especially, I was nonstop about it), to books, to video games, to anime, you name it. When I'm into it, I am so fixated that everything else is uninteresting. That has gotten better as I got older - I guess I learned to hide it better, or maybe it helps that my partner shares my interests so I don't have to hold back. But also because I have become so non stop exhausted that talking in general is hard these days lol
Things that make me uncomfortable: when I was in my teens, I hated being touched by people and it made me angry when my friends tried to hug me. This has been remarked upon by my friends at the time, after which I tried to mask it better. I am still uncomfortable with hugs at times. I love cuddling my partner and I give my friends or family brief hugs if I know them very very well. If I don't, I still fucking hate hugs. I am, for some reason, especially awkward around my mother. Showing any affection with her is so hard for me and makes me feel extremely bad. I suppose it is because we did have a very difficult past and I had lost trust in her for a long time, so somehow I still cannot associate her as a safe space. But it's so damn hard. Also other people being upset makes me super uncomfortable. I used to not really know how to react, I've taught myself to be better about in the last years, but it is still a very awkward position for me to be in. That said, I definitely feel empathy and sympathy to an extreme degree sometimes. I know when people are mad or upset, sometimes long before they say anything. But that, in my opinion, is a survival mechanism. I had to teach myself to be vigilant to people's emotions due to past trauma.
I also really hate certain textures. Cream or anything oily makes me feel really uncomfortable and I used to not be able to moisturize myself during my younger years because I hated the feeling sooo much. It's better now but I still have to wash my hands immediately if I touch something oily lol
Food wise I'm okay. Textures don't bother me and I can eat almost everything (apart from peppers and spicy food). But I did cause some big scenes in the past when my mum and brother tried to get me to eat something spicy lol
Speaking of outbursts, here we come to why I was diagnosed with BPD before.
It is a LOT better now (unless something really triggers me) but I had the worst emotional regulation for the longest time. Stuff that threw me off was often:
Being made to do something I didn't want to do. Having a plan in my head that I wanted to do and then being told no or something getting in the way/plans falling apart, even if the plan was only in my head. Being slighted. People acting different towards me than they did before. Injustice, personal or at work. Drastic changes with my work routine and not being told early enough. Very loud noises or music. Rejection
I had an incredibly difficult relationship with my mother for the longest time due to my outbursts. My impulsivity definitely has played a major factor here, but also it always was so hard to feel understood. I was told all my life to act and behave a certain way, if I didn't I was in trouble. I was always the odd one out, especially at school, but also within my family, which is why I cut off contact with everyone but my mum and my brother.
It is hard to make friendships because masking is hard and I usually spend so much energy doing it at work that my social life is barely existent. My boyfriend always jokes about me taking things very literally because I can't figure out he's being sarcastic and this has become an inside joke between us.
But there are things that I do that argue against autism. Here is where I'd like some insight from others. I can be pretty spontaneous - however, if I think about it, even my "spontaneous" trips have at least a little mental preparation behind it. I don't have difficulties figuring out how a person feels by their body language, tone or expression. I am quite quick to spot how a person is feeling. I can do small talk (although it literally has no meaning to me, I just do it to have some social contact from time to time). I like routine but due to ADHD I am used to not having one. But I like to do things a certain way I guess and I have a hard, hard time breaking out of that way, or thinking out of the box. I just am unsure if that ticks the list or not because I don't get too upset if I have to do something differently.
Sorry, this got longer than expected. But any insight or your personal stories are extremely appreciated!

So I (23M) recently ended my first long-term relationship because I caught my boyfriend (23M) on Grindr.
Long story short: I found that my boyfriend had lied to me about being on Grindr after bringing up a profile that I suspected was linked to him in the early months of our relationship. I told him it was okay if he was on there because we weren’t exclusive at the time. He denied it, and I let it go. However, my suspicions still lingered, and three months later, after we became exclusive, I found evidence that the profile was indeed linked to him and that he also had a Jack’d account, where he had posted a shirtless photo of himself in his underwear.
When I brought it up to him the second time, he confessed that he was on there looking for friends. His reasoning was that he was new to the country, he had little outlets for making friends (we lived in two different states, btw), and that he had used these apps to meet up and keep in contact with two individuals. I don’t know what exactly did he do with these people because I was too foolish and too devastated to not inquire any details. I just felt so heartbroken because up to that point, I thought he was honest and transparent about everything in his life. He would even tell me about the uncomfortable romantic/sexual advances he would receive from other men in public. So, it just hurts that he decided to lie and hide something this big from me, notwithstanding the fact that nothing about those profiles gave the impression that he was looking for friends. He had it explicitly listed that he was looking for hookups, and I just feel that if he was on there *genuinely* looking for friends, it should've gave the impression of such. Literally, this is what he had written in his Grindr profile:
“If our conversations don't bang, neither will our bodies. Warning: I may cause inappropriate thoughts and feelings of attraction. Proceed with caution.”
I didn’t know what to believe. What he told me didn’t match up with what I saw, so I decided that it was best to end things with him.
After the breakup, we’ve connected a few times to talk about what happened. During our first post-breakup call, he told me that he was very angry about the breakup because he’s forgiven me for things in the past, but I couldn’t forgive him for this one; that he loved me so much, but I didn’t love him enough to give him grace? He even told me that I’d never find someone like him again. He genuinely believes that he deserved the benefit of the doubt, even though what he did tore the foundation of our relationship apart.
Since then, he’s been trying to flip things and make me feel like I was in the wrong, and for a moment, I actually did believe it. I had to go to therapy because I was ridden with so much guilt, and he made me believe that all along, I was just trying to catch him in a mistake. He even blamed me for the way I handled things, and how I reacted.
And for the record, I was always honest and upfront with him. Before we became exclusive, he asked if I was on Grindr, and I told him yes. I had little use for it, but I showed him my profile and everything, and deleted it because he expressed that he was uncomfortable with it (all while he was still on there, btw).
We even had several conversations about Grindr prior, and he expressed to me that he didn't use it because he was uncomfortable with the exchanges that he received there, and that he wouldn't use it in a relationship. So you can understand how this all feels bewildering to me.
How would guys feel in this situation, and what do you think of it?

My boyfriend (37) and I (27) have been together for almost 6 months. We met on a dating app; I am gay, and he is bisexual.
When we started talking, he shared with me that he only realized he also likes guys at the age of 35. While he has had relationships (serious and casual) with women before, they don’t really bother me at all; what triggers my RJ more is his encounters with men, specifically with this one guy.
For context, my boyfriend lives a 3-hour drive from me. Of course I felt so special when he chose to drive to my place just to meet me in person. Plus, he told me too that he has never driven this far just to see someone, that the guys that he met were just from his city.
One day, I found out that he talked to this guy (let’s name him Charles) who lives an hour from him before we met. When I asked him if he met this guy, he said no. My instincts were telling me that he was lying, so, I did the most self-sabotaging act ever—I messaged Charles on social media. And boom, he confirmed that they met, booked a hotel room, and of course, things happened. What destroyed me even more was they did it in my city (because my boyfriend needed to do something work-related in my city at the time, and it just so happens that Charles lives on the way to my city so my boyfriend picked him up).
I guess that just shattered all of my impressions that I was special to him. He made an effort to see someone else too, not just for me.
Because the truth came out, he kept assuring me that it was never love between them. They were talking nicely, yes, but there were no serious feelings involved.
He is my first boyfriend, and all of my firsts happened with him. Before meeting him, I have never felt the need to engage in hookups. I just can’t be intimate with someone I don’t have an emotional connection with. How could he do it? How could he have sex with someone he didn’t love?
I know it was my own undoing, but Charles did not hold back in giving graphic information to me. What they did, where they did it… It just ruined me. In addition, they met two weeks before we met each other on the app. That timeframe felt so recent to me. (Although we met in person one month after we started talking and we did have sex one month after meeting in person. So if you think about it, approximately two months have passed since our sex and his sex with Charles.)
To make things worse, Charles is my same age and we have the same ethnicity. He also admitted that we are similar they way we talk (the voice and tone). These similarities make me feel insecure now.
I know that my boyfriend loves me. A lot. He probably even loves me more than I do, since I can only “love” him during those times when RJ doesn’t hit me. He keeps asking me why it is so hard for me to accept him and his past. He keeps telling me that I should be happy that someone like him loves me so much. That I am different, my hugs and kisses feel different, and that he never thought he would love someone this much. That when he talked to me, he fell in love already because I was "pure." That I never talked about sex during our conversations, that he never felt lust in me.
It just sucks because I feel so drained every day since. I’m sleepless and most of the time, I feel angry. Angry because even though my boyfriend is sad that he cannot change his past anymore, I don’t feel like he regrets it. I want him to regret that it happened. I want him to feel guilty about it. I am also mad at my boyfriend because why did he have to lie when I asked him the first time if they met? He could have been honest about it. The truth might have affected me, but that could have made things different. I could have chosen to stop talking to him had I known about it. I could have set this impression in my mind that he is a playboy, enjoys casual sex and is maybe now looking for a real relationship. His dishonesty just made me feel betrayed.
I want to save this relationship, I really do, and I’m planning to seek therapy. But God, I am so exhausted...

I have been with my boyfriend for 11 years and we have recently decided we are ready to try for a baby. I've been ready for a while but this year he finally told me to go off the pill and we can start trying. Suddenly though, he has restarted his fascination with psychedelics (DMT specifically). He dabbled when we were first together but that stopped after a while. I partook with him back then and we had some fun times. I just look back at it as a bit of fun in my early 20s, he seems to think it is a way of life now. He has smoked weed our entire relationship and while I don't particularly agree, I have explained right from that start that that will need to cease when we have kids. I have a hard and fast rule that I don't want the father of my children to be actively doing drugs while we have young children. I have been trying to get him to cut down now so he isn't scrambling when/if I do fall pregnant.
The DMT is the bigger issue currently. He smokes it every single weekend, often multiple times. While I was away on a weekend with my friend for a concert, he had friends over and smoked it in the house. This is a big deal for me, he knows I don't want drugs smoked in the house. Not to mention, we have two cats and I am concerned about the exposure to them. Plus I just don't want the place to stink. I was also uncomfortable with people in the house that I did not know.
He knows that I don't agree so he hides it from me. This is my biggest issue of all. The constant lies and hiding things from me. He says he hides it because he knows I'll get angry. I just feel like he is choosing drugs over me and us starting a family. I really thought this was the man I was going to marry and have kids with but now I'm not sure. I don't know if he is ever going to get his act together and be the partner I need in life. I think I already know what needs to happen but I really do love him. And if he could just stop doing drugs, we could be really happy. But I just don't think he is ever going to stop fully. He has "quit" weed before and then lied to me when he relapsed and let me continue to think that he was sober. I just don't know what to do. We really have a great life if it wasn't for the drugs and he does make me happy. Is it worth continuing to work with him to try to move forward or am I better off leaving now? I have devoted 11 years of my life to this man.