My now ex-boyfriend and I met on Facebook dating in September of 2022. We hit it off like I’ve never done with anyone else. I thought the age difference would be an issue but turns out it’s just a number. We never ever argued. We got along great. We always had a great time together. So many laughs. So much banter. So many jokes. I thought I’d found the one.
I have a history of being abused; physically, mentally, and emotionally. So needless to say being with someone who was so nice and caring to me was foreign territory. Deep down I thought I didn’t deserve it but as time went on I got used to it. I never let my history get in the way of our relationship.
I have always been supportive of him and his dreams, I never judged. I never talked down. I never nagged. I treated him like I wanted to be treated. I was his biggest cheerleader. He always said our relationship was the best he’s ever had.
Fast forward to this past January: I found out I was pregnant. I was shocked because I didn’t think I could get pregnant again. Plus I follow my cycle like a hawk. I waited a couple of days to tell him because I was a pile of nerves.
He didn’t believe me at first. Asked me to see the test then asked if termination was an option. I said absolutely not. He proceeded to tell me he wasn’t ready to be a dad (even though he is very well-off). I said OK. I will handle this on my own. I mean what do you say to that? Not ready to be a dad? Then don’t do things that can lead to a pregnancy.
To my surprise he walked in from work a couple of days later and the first words out of his mouth were “we are done”. I was shocked. Hurt. I didn’t even know how to react. I nearly passed out. He also said “I want you to be the one but you aren’t”. And a bunch of other things I can’t remember right now.
Four days later I ended up in the ER and I miscarried. He was there with me. I didn’t have the strength to drive in the middle of a blizzard. I have never cried so much in my life. I feel like I died inside. He cried with me, held my hand.
We ended up talking and he said he wanted to give us another shot. We “cleared the air” as he put it. I thought we were doing fine. We ended up going to couple’s therapy and I thought we were on the same page.
However, this gut feeling just wouldn’t go away. I thought maybe I was stressed over the loss, over work, over whatever and I was just reading into things that were no big deal to begin with.
No matter how many excuses I made for my feelings, it just wouldn’t go away. It led to many panic attacks, thoughts of ending my life, (yes it was that bad), feeling guilty over the loss of my baby. I was a mess. I thought it was all my fault.
So this Sunday I did something I never thought I’d do: go through his phone. I was not shocked at what I found. He had been sxting this woman whom he went on a date with before we met. Of course he used Snapchat. I loathe that app. I knew about her and it never sat right with me. Up until that point he never gave me a reason not to believe him.
To make a long story short: today I broke up with him. I told him I knew he was lying. He blamed the girl for sending him pictures without him asking. I said “that’s funny because your last message to her was “holy fuck”. Doesn’t sound like someone who is upset to be getting nudes.
In a way he tried to blame me and of course I called him out on his bullshit and said “nah, this is all on you”. There is no excuse for cheating in my eyes. None. Zero. And I refuse to take the blame. None of this is my fault.
He said he didn’t want to hurt me, that we weren’t meant to be, all kinds of bullshit.
My heart is in a million pieces. He was my best friend. He knows my deepest secrets, he is the only person in my life who knows about my past sucdal thoughts (I felt comfortable telling him because he struggled with the same thing as a teen). I felt so loved when I was with him. He was so affectionate all the time. It is something I had never experienced before.
Please please tell me it will be okay. Please give me any advice you can to help me move on from this without losing my sanity?
Tl;dr I need help dealing with the loss my partner and best friend. I never thought this day would come.

(continuation of part 4)
I already considered this piece the second greatest musical evidence for Clerith after the London Symphony Orchestra’s Final Fantasy VII Symphony’s second movement “Words Drowned by Fireworks” and its guide, but now that I know about the Clerith reunion that was baked into the ending, the gap between the two is narrower. Each time I hear Cloud begin to call out for Aerith in part 3 (3:04), I immediately start crying. It sounds so much to me like Cloud’s voice in the dark saying “Aerith…?”, meek and scared. If you’ve read everything so far, you know how long Cloud has been looking for Aerith, lost without her, searching relentlessly for decades in real-life time. Through FFT, DFF, Advent Children, MFF x FFVII… all of it spent looking for his Promised Land. In OG, Cloud was so tormented by Jenova’s manipulation and so consumed by the chase for Sephiroth that he could not realize what or how much he felt for her until she was taken away forever. The piece we’ve just analyzed tells the story of Cloud and Aerith intertwining and separating against their will, and you can truly feel Cloud’s anxiety as he struggles to wrench Aerith out of fate’s cruel grasp. Perhaps it is because of Aerith’s ultimately fatal responsibility, inherited from her mother, that this iteration of her theme is called “The Cetra”.
Though in part 5, Cloud and Aerith reunite… could this reunion symbolize their meeting again in Remake, or something more permanent? I think it’s meant to leave us wondering.
I’m very sensitive to music, and as I’m typing this, I’m crying a bit. I wanted to share my interpretation of “Aerith’s Theme - The Cetra” with you very badly, because it makes me feel so much and really enhances Clerith’s story. I’m overjoyed to have found out about the reunion at the very end. And it’s all because you guys showed love for my last analysis! You guys are giving me gifts every day.
V. b) i. 3) Combined Analysis
Please listen to and watch the scene of Cloud’s MOTF 6 (4:21-8:46) again, and consider section “V. b) i. 2)”. What is Uematsu telling us? Similarly to how main world theme of FFVII informs us that Jenova is sabotaging Cloud’s identity far before it becomes a plot point in OG, “Aerith’s theme - The Cetra” is telling us what not even Remake Cloud consciously knows at this point: he’s been searching desperately for her, and fears losing her once more.
As if that wasn’t proof enough, the timing of the shots and musical phrases is absolutely damning. Recall that part 3 of “Aerith’s theme - The Cetra” specifically symbolizes Cloud’s anxiety surrounding Aerith’s safety. It is this particular part of the piece that plays for the entirety of Aerith’s allusions to her murderers and her death (7:25-7:54), including the very moment where “Cloud feels his chest constrict tightly” (7:51-7:54). What’s more, part 5 the piece, which specifically Cloud freeing Aerith from the restraints of fate, coincides with the moment Tifa grabs Aerith’s hand and pulls her out from the circle of Whispers closing in on her (8:42-8:45). This moment leads me to believe that the reunion in part 5 of the piece indeed symbolizes Cloud succeeding (perhaps with Tifa’s help) in saving Aerith from her tragic fate and reuniting with her for good.
It’s heart-wrenching and brilliant. Our theory stands strong.
V. b) ii. Credits: Piece Inclusion
I find it very telling that the character themes included in the credits of Remake are Cloud’s “Hollow” (0:00-5:24), an orchestral arrangement of Aerith’s theme (5:24-9:24), and an orchestral arrangement of the main world theme, (9:24-14:27) which of course includes Cloud’s true theme. No other character themes appear during the rest of the credits (14:27-18:09). This is telling: the credits are communicating to us that Remake is about Cloud and Aerith. Our Mission Theory only gets stronger.
V. b) iii. Showing Relationships Through Music: Intermingling Character Themes
This doesn’t have to do with the Mission, but here’s a pretty good anti-Cloti argument while we’re here.
As shown in section “V. a) i.” where we explored the roles of Cloud, Jenova and Sephiroth’s themes within the FFVII world theme, the way character themes interact in a piece can tell you a lot about those characters’ relationships. This is certainly the case in “Aerith’s Theme - The Cetra” as well (see section “V. b. ii. 2)”).
I’d like to mention that in all of my listening to the Remake OST and rewatching playthroughs of Remake, I’ve never encountered a single piece that united Cloud and Tifa’s themes. Not once. Let alone a piece that depicts them as intimately or emotionally as “Aerith’s Theme - The Cetra” depicts Cloud and Aerith. Even the most Cloti cutscenes in Remake aren’t supported by pieces mixing or even juxtaposing Cloud and Tifa’s themes. I can’t find any of Cloud’s motifs anywhere during the orchestral arrangement of Tifa’s theme that plays during her resolution scene in chapter 14. I can’t find either of their motifs in the track the plays when Cloud calls Tifa beautiful at Seventh Heaven in chapter 3. A motif from Tifa’s theme does appear in the track that plays during the childhood promise scene in chapter 4, (0:00-0:25), but it never plays at the same time as or even near Cloud’s motifs (1:23-1:47 and 2:03-2:29). They’re distant or otherwise unaffiliated.
The only exception is that an altered version of Cloud’s theme’s section A phrase 1 appears in the background of Tifa’s theme (1:17-1:23). This symbolizes her connection to Cloud and how much of her attention and worry revolve around him— a reference to how she cares so much that it borders on dependency. Of course, it doesn’t go both ways: Tifa isn’t in Cloud’s theme at all. To me, this lack of reciprocity concerning the inclusion of Cloud’s motif in Tifa’s theme signifies that the only time Cloud and Tifa are together is in her head. She does think about him a lot, which we witness in her chapter of Trace of Two Pasts. Tifa loses sleep over him even two years after he left Nibelheim, despite the fact that she barely knew him at all:

“The moment she heard the word “Soldier”, the few memories she had with Cloud Strife came flooding back. He never contacted her after they parted ways two years ago […]. She tossed and turned all night. When she counted them again, her memories with Cloud were so surprisingly few that others might find it hard to believe that they grew up as next-door neighbors” (Trace of Two Pasts, translated by pekotranslates on Tumblr).

FFVII Remake Ultimania also comments on the superficial nature of Cloud and Tifa’s water tower promise, and how regardless of its naïveté, it became fundamental to Tifa:

“Though rooted in a jejune heroine fantasy of being rescued in a pinch by her hero, this promise is clearly etched in Tifa’s memory” (Tifa’s profile in section 01 of “Character & World”, “An Enduring Childhood Promise” in “Topics of Tifa” page 20).

You could argue that “Aerith’s Theme - The Cetra” is only one song wherein Cloud and Aerith’s themes interweave, but you’d be proven wrong by the Rebirth OST…
V. c) The Rebirth OST
Unfortunately, the full Rebirth OST isn’t out and available where I can listen to it right now. However, based solely on the incomplete OST that’s available to me right now, I can tell you with certainty that the composers were told to incorporate Clerith into the musical storytelling: Cloud and Aerith’s themes intermingle in multiple pieces. I can’t imagine what else I’ll discover once I listen to the full OST. For now, I checked out what was available on YouTube and listened to cutscene audios. This section would be eternal if I included every time Cloud and Aerith’s motifs interact, especially in chapter 14. Trust me, I’d love to talk about every single one, but this thing is long enough already, so let’s just address what pertains to our Mission Theory specifically rather than stopping at every single Clerith reference in the OST.
V. c) i. Ending Cutscene Music
Ending cutscenes are often used to address the next step the characters will be taking as well as their emotional and mental state. They also open up new questions to make the player curious. Indeed, Rebirth’s ending cutscene (18:56-25:00) gives us an impression of how the party members feel by the end of the game: everyone misses Aerith. Barret looks upset and confused at the mention of her (19:35-19:45), the girls are crying and Nanaki is mourning (19:58-20:35). Additionally, we are shown the empty White Materia and Black Materia in Cloud’s possession (20:40-21:24), foreshadowing that they will come to be important in part 3. Cloud and Aerith share a warm goodbye, and exchange promises: Aerith will send smoke signals if something happens to her so a worried Cloud can remain updated on her well-being and she will stop Meteor, and Cloud will stop Sephiroth (23:00-25:00). The fact that this scene is animated in CGI is enough to tell us that the devs consider it narratively important, just like they do Bugenhagen’s observatory and the party’s advance into the Forgotten Capital CGI cutscenes. What did the composers decide to communicate with us about the end of Rebirth and the plot going forward?
Big surprise: Clerith.
During the entire cutscene, only two themes play: Cloud’s and Aerith’s. The cutscene’s music begins only when Cloud notices Aerith among the party members and begins watching her (19:21). She interacts with the rest of the party without their knowledge, different segments of her theme playing one after another. Her theme only stops when Cloud finally looks away from her and to the empty White Materia in his hand (20:45). The music focuses on the mystery and ominousness of these materia, only returning to Aerith once Cloud hears her voice and repeats her message to the party (21:30).
Cloud’s theme appears when he asserts that Barret needn’t worry about him (section A of Cloud’s true theme, 22:41), though soft and tentative, only swelling when Barret and Tifa climb aboard the Tiny Bronco and Cloud finds himself alone with Aerith again (22:57). As he asks Aerith if “[she’ll] be okay getting back” (23:08), the final phrase of section A of his theme plays, but without its concluding note, the tonic. He waits for her to answer him as his theme waits for hers to complete and answer it, that final note dragging long over the seconds (23:09-23:13). She answers with a teasing remark that references their unwillingness to part from each other back in Remake’s Evergreen Park:

“[Cloud has] a chat with Aerith, from whom he’s reluctant to part” (chapter 9 in section 04 “Scenario”, “Main Story Digest”, “4. Saying Goodbye”, page 275)”.

As soon as Aerith answers Cloud’s question with this romantic callback, her theme answers his too: section C of Aerith’s theme begins with the key’s tonic, resolving Cloud’s incomplete phrase (23:13): she gives him resolution. He chuckles, getting her reference, and the music swells (23:16). The music ebbs and flows thusly, following the rhythms and underlying emotions of their conversation. Finally, the piece ends with phrase 2 of of section A of Cloud’s true theme, following a strong repetition of the first half of Aerith’s theme’s section A. The two make their promises to each other, and “No Promises to Keep” begins, leading us to the credits. This is most definitely a Clerith song, but more on that later.
What this shows us is that Cloud and Aerith’s relationship is fundamental to the plot of Rebirth and will also be fundamental to the plot of part 3: they are isolated one one-on-one in this cutscene, and the music depicts their warm, sweet interaction as well as the strength of Aerith’s character to contrast with Cloud’s somewhat meek personality. The composers are telling us that these two, specifically, together alone, are hugely important to the plot here. This was already true in OG, but no such emphasis was ever placed on their interactions and relationship in its music. Something is different, deeper, more intense now. The Mission Theory explains why. It also suits our theory that the composers are emphasizing the centrality of Clerith in the plot of the Remake trilogy. Cloud’s love for Aerith is the reason for the trilogy’s existence, and it will be the greatest motivator for Cloud in part 3. It’s a grand announcement.
Just like in Remake, I could not find a single instance of Cloud and Tifa’s themes interacting in Rebirth, apart from at the end of the intimate Skywheel date— but every girl receives this treatment in their intimate dates, so each of these instances can be crossed out. Additionally, the Tifa date is not the canon one, but I digress…
V. c) iii. Credits

1. Piece Inclusion

Once more, I find it very telling that of all the pieces included in the credits of Rebirth, the only character themes are Cloud’s and Aerith’s. We start with a song about Aerith’s point of view to mirror *Remake’*s “Hollow”, “No Promises to Keep” (5:18-11:10), followed by the FFVII world theme (11:10-16:12) which of course contains Cloud’s true theme, then we move into a piece whose unofficially translated title is “Parade Battle Ceremony - The Dawn of a New World” as an arrangement of the parade ceremony theme from chapter 4 (16:12-19:03), followed by a theme for the Lifestream springs whose name I don’t have (19:03-21:38), “Junon - Fortified Metropolis” (21:38-24:28), and finally, a gorgeous arrangement of Aerith’s theme (24:28-28:47). No other character is referenced in the credits music: the credits are telling us Rebirth is about Clerith. Our Mission Theory explains why.
V. c) iii. 2) “No Promises to Keep”
At the very end of this song written and performed by Aerith, we’re treated with a sweet little piano conclusion (10:46-11:10): it begins with a variation on Aerith’s theme’s section A (10:46-11:01), and concludes with two ascending arpeggios, each four notes long (11:01-11:10). Each of these ascending arpeggios is a variation of the phrase 1 of Cloud’s true theme’s section A. The differences are minimal. The phrase is usually five notes long rather than four, the first arpeggio ends on the tonic rather than Cloud’s iconic subtonic, and the second arpeggio starts on the subtonic rather than the tonic. The song Aerith wrote concludes with Cloud’s most famous motif. This is also the case in her Gold Saucer performance (3:31-3:41).
V. c) iii. 3) Arrangement of Aerith’s Theme
The final piece in the credits is an arrangement of Aerith’s theme (24:28-28:47) which has noticeably similar elements to the version of her theme that plays during the Jenova Lifeclinger battle in chapter 14 (0:12-3:36), such as the female choirs. Since these female choirs are only heard in the Forgotten City version of Aerith’s theme, and since the credits arrangement of her theme plays at the same time as clips from her chapter 14 pseudo-death roll across the screen, I estimate that this credits arrangement specifically reflects the event of Aerith’s pseudo-death. Recall that composers had access to the credits video as they composed, meaning this piece is specifically written for Aerith’s pseudo-death in Rebirth.
What I find fascinating is that, just like the arrangements of her theme that play during Aerith’s pseudo-death and the Jenova Lifeclinger battle, this credits arrangement contains the sound of Cloud’s pain, rage and protest. Phrase 1 and the first three notes of phrase 2 of Cloud’s true theme section A play on the strings and brass quite loudly and insistently, just as Cloud blocking masamune appears on the credits screen (25:11-25:21). Sephiroth’s dissonant, high and screechy violins appear just as his face comes onto the screen (26:33), and almost as a protective response, phrases 1 and 2 of Cloud’s true theme’s section A return (26:47-27:00). Finally, similarly to what we hear in part 5 of “Aerith’s Theme - The Cetra”, a slightly modified section A phrase 1 of Cloud’s true theme play along with section C phrase 3 of Aerith’s theme (oh wow section A and C section Aerith for Cloud’s theme and section Cloud for Aerith’s theme I just realized that’s such a cute coincidence), though unfortunately they do not meet in the middle like last time since they start two octaves apart (28:20-28:25). I’ve recreated it for you once more here so you can really appreciate it. The fact that their motifs don’t truly reunite like in “Aerith’s Theme - The Cetra” is sad, but the very last thing you see onscreen is Aerith’s goodbye to the Tiny Bronco (27:10-27:42), so it makes sense that this piano conclusion implies that Cloud and Aerith aligned, but not yet reunited for good. That’s exactly what you get from the ending cutscene. It does seem to imply that they will be reunited in part 3, as both the ending cutscene and this piano conclusion read as a “till we see each other again” rather than a “farewell”.
VI. Textual Evidence
Now that the musical evidence is done, let’s compile some textual story evidence that supports our theory!
VI. a) Remake Trilogy (Thus Far) Handholding Explained?
As I’m sure you’ve noticed, handholding is a motif in Cloud and Aerith’s relationship— and an extremely symbolic one at that! When researching for info to validate my theory, I found that this Clerith motif was extremely helpful! Its inclusion in the Remake trilogy, and especially in Rebirth, is hugely significant in my eyes.
VI. a) i. Pre-Remake Trilogy: Aerith’s Initiative
Before examining the significance of Clerith handholding in Remake and Rebirth, we should establish the meaning of this motif in OG and Advent Children.
Cloud and Aerith have reached out to take each other’s hands many times since 1997. Aerith used to literally drag him by the hand a lot, shocking the cold and distant merc, before she left. After her death in OG, Cloud surely longed to be able to feel her hand take his again, cursing himself for not enjoying it while she was alive, and for never being the one to grasp her hand first: he never got to tell her how he feels about her, or to save her. It was always her reaching out for him, saving him.
This is why the scene in OG when Aerith reaches for him from the Lifestream after Cloud defeats Sephiroth in chapter 3 of disk 3 is so touching: Cloud sees her hand and reaches out to take it, so close to finally establishing that mutual connection, but she soon fades, and replaced by Tifa’s hand in the tangible world. He doesn’t get to hold Aerith’s hand again.
That is, not until Advent Children, where near the end of his battle with Bahamut Sin, he sees Aerith reach out to him once again (1:08-1:30). Cloud finally gets to hold her hand for the first time in two years when he lost her. This moment was given extra importance by the devs. In fact, Nojima told us the following:

“The ending scene of the battle with Bahamut, the scene where Aerith reaches out her hand, is an homage to the last scene from a previous production. It was [Nomura]'s idea” (FFVII Reunion Files, “Story Digest”, “Summoned Beast”, page 113).

VI. a) ii. The Remake Trilogy (Thus Far): Cloud’s Initiative
As I’ve said before, if I’m right that Remake is all about Cloud stepping up to be more attentive and active in his relationship with Aerith in order to save her, there should be concrete evidence of this in the Remaketrilogy thus far. If OG Cloud’s memories of and love for Aerith exist somewhere within Remake Cloud’s subconsciousness, then Remake Cloud should be far more active in the Clerith dynamic than OG Cloud was— after all, he’s supposed to know better this time around. Thankfully, the motif of handholding can help us evaluate this. Since we know pre-Remake Cloud was quite passive when it comes to handholding, Cloud initiating handholding in the Remake trilogy would be a strong indication that our theory has validity. Keeping this in mind, let’s see what we can find thus far in the Remake trilogy in relation to handholding, and if Cloud is indeed more active than he was in OG.
VI. a) ii. 1) Hollow Hands
Remake’s theme song “Hollow” makes allusions to the handholding motif: “This time, I will never let you go” is pretty clear. And so is “No Promises to Keep”, wherein Aerith speaks of Cloud “[taking her] hand and never [letting her] go” multiple times. Interestingly, these theme song lyrics seem to suggest that Cloud will be much more active in the Remake trilogy than in OG. “Hollow” even promises that Cloud will come to his senses and take charge of the situation: “this time, [he] will” be the one to offer his hand to Aerith, unlike in OG and Advent Children. This makes a lot of sense with our theory: now that Cloud has lost Aerith once, “this time for sure, [he]’ll” be the one to reach for Aerith’s hand, take initiative and save her the way she saved him.
Even though theme songs are extremely telling of a game’s main themes and intentions, lyrics are still all talk and no proof. What about the game itself? Do Remake and Rebirth deliver on this promise? Let’s see!
VI. a) ii. 2) Resolution Hands
The only significant time Cloud initiates handholding in Remake is during Cloud’s resolution scene in chapter 14 (5:18-5:40), wherein he tries to grab Aerith’s hand but is unable to keep her with him. He fills with determination and tells her in no uncertain terms that he’s coming for her. Just as we predicted, Cloud is the active participant in this iteration of the Clerith handholding motif: he’s even explicitly insisting against Aerith’s wishes that he should “get a say in all this” and that he’s “coming for [her]”. Let’s not forget that Cloud’s resolution is meant to reflect not only Aerith’s kidnapping by Shinra, but also her fated death. Nojima implied this by commenting the following on Aerith’s “Even if you think you have, it’s not real” line:

“Those who know what befalls Aerith later on will find the line really heart-wrenching” (FFVII Remake Ultimania, section 08 “Secrets”, “Development Staff Interviews, Part 2: Tetsuya Nomura, Yoshinori Kitase, Kazushige Nojima”, page 744).

Given this note by Nojima, it looks like we’re supposed to watch Cloud’s resolution scene with Aerith’s fated death in mind. Considering this, Cloud’s “I’m coming for you” line sure seems like an subconscious promise that he will save Aerith from her tragic fate. This subconscious promise could be the result of post-OG Cloud’s feelings and intentions rising to the surface. Nevertheless, he’s absolutely determined and he’s staying true to the promise he made in “Hollow”. I think it’s fair to say that this instance of the handholding Clerith motif does indeed fit perfectly with our theory. This is only one strong example though, and we need a pattern in order to pat ourselves on the back on this. So, let’s keep looking! There isn’t any handholding initiated by Cloud beyond that point in Remake. At this point in my research, I moved on to Rebirth to go digging for handholding there.
Hoo boy. I was not disappointed.
VI. a) ii. 3) Golden Hands
Let’s begin with the obvious. In their high-affinity gondola date in chapter 12, Cloud bravely interlaces his fingers with Aerith’s: Cloud’s taken charge not only of handholding, but the most intimate kind of handholding. I’m sure you’ve encountered the phrase “こいびとつなぎ” or “koibito tsunagi by now (literally translates to “lovers’ tie” or “lovers’ connection”); this is the term used in Japanese to refer to the type of handholding Cloud initiates with Aerith on the Skywheel. It’s considered the most intimate form of handholding. In Japan, skinship is normally considered quite significant and indicative of the closeness between two people— you could say it’s a big deal. Cloud also offers Aerith his hand when they step off the Shywheel, once more making the first move. Though some might say that the Skywheel dates shouldn’t be counted as canon, I believe Aerith’s date is indeed canon (I have my reasons but this post is long enough). Even if we discount the Skywheel date however, Clerith's use of the koibito tsunagi returns in a non-optional scene we will touch on later.
For what it’s worth, Alfreid offers Rosa his hand in the Loveless play too. I can prove that Aerith is the canon Rosa too, but I’m going to save that for my next analysis! You can take my word for it now, or just wait for that analysis to drop. Take it or leave it!
VI. a) ii. 4) Meta Hands
However, the narrative weight of these Clerith handholding instances doesn’t even come close to my very favorite iteration of the handholding motif in Rebirth. I’m referring to what I consider a severely underrated Clerith moment in chapter 13. First, some context: Sephiroth manipulates Cloud into giving over the Black Materia. Cloud seems to be firmly under Sephiroth’s control. However, the sight of Aerith being swarmed by Black Whispers snaps Cloud back into the driver’s seat: he breaks out of Sephiroth’s grasp to run to her and save her. Aerith gets knocked off into a fatal free-fall by a Black Whisper before Cloud can reach her, but he won’t have it: he lunges forward, hand extended. What results is a beautiful shot of their outstretched hands (56:25-56:27).
Let’s analyze this great shot. Notice how the seconds where Cloud is reaching downwards to grasp Aerith’s hand are treated. This key moment is stretched longer by a slow-mo effect, building up the tension and drawing the audience’s focus to the distance between their hands before Cloud actually catches Aerith’s in his, fulfilling the promise he made in “Hollow”. Their hands take up the whole screen in a deliberate close-up shot. All the ambient noises of the scene go quiet: Aerith’s theme is all we hear as Cloud reaches desperately for her. These are blatant audiovisual cues, signalling to the audience that whatever is happening on screen is especially significant. We should therefore examine this specific instance of the Clerith handholding motif to see what the devs are trying to tell us, and maybe it will fit with our theory!
We should begin by comparing this Clerith hand-reach shot to previous ones. If you compare it to the Advent Children’s hand-reach that occurs during Cloud’s battle against Bahamut Sin, it’s evident that Cloud and Aerith’s roles are reversed: just as our theory states, Cloud gets out from inside his head and reaches for Aerith this time. She saved him and the world in OG, and now it’s his turn to save her. This change becomes especially evident when you juxtapose the two scenes and notice how their hands have switched places, reaching from above and below, from left and right. I think the Rebirth hand-reach was deliberately made to look like the Advent Children one —and even the OG one in disk 3, chapter 3—, just to highlight this role reversal.
This Rebirth hand-reach is my favorite out of all because it shows that Cloud is much more conscious and attentive toward Aerith in Rebirth than he was in OG. At this point in OG (disk 1, chapter 25), Cloud is meant to be beating Aerith up at Sephiroth’s command, to the horror of the rest of the party. In fact, a few minutes before Cloud rushes to save Aerith in Rebirth, he has absolutely no problem violently shoving Tifa to the ground when she gets in Sephiroth’s way (53:27-53:33). This shove and Cloud’s earlier attack on Tifa in Gongaga (Rebirth, chapter 9) proves that Sephiroth is just as capable of making Cloud hurt his party members as he was in OG… though Sephiroth can’t seem to make Cloud hurt Aerith. Why is this? Why is it that Cloud beats Aerith in OG, but doesn’t even lay a finger on her —and snaps out of Sephiroth’s control at the mere sight of her in trouble— in Rebirth?
Our theory provides the answer. In disk 1, chapter 25 of OG, Cloud had not yet realized he loved Aerith. Sephiroth was therefore able to make him hurt her. But things are different in Rebirth. The Cloud we see in the Remake trilogy has gone through the OG timeline and traveled back in time, kicking off Remake as his second try at the OG timeline— and he did this precisely because he loves Aerith. His love for her is clearer and stronger in the Remake trilogy than in OG because Remake Cloud is an amnesiac, post-OG, time-traveler Cloud. He’s been through the OG before, has fallen in love with Aerith and realized it before, so this time around, he can’t even lay a finger on her. This is made evident by how closely the moments where Cloud pushes Tifa and saves Aerith are juxtaposed, separated by mere seconds of gameplay. Merely seeing Aerith in trouble wrenched control from Sephiroth and put it in Cloud’s hands again— Sephiroth probably couldn’t have gotten Cloud to attack Aerith if he tried.
This isn’t the only time we get evidence of this though! As Cloud approaches Aerith’s praying form in the Forgotten City, Sephiroth’s Black Whispers swirl around the buster sword: Sephiroth is trying to kill Aerith with it, while Cloud’s struggle to wrench it away plays out visibly on his face. Interestingly, Cloud is not being controlled by Sephiroth here. We know this because we can quite literally see the Black Whispers trying to move his sword, but also because every time Cloud is being controlled by Sephiroth in Rebirth, he has an empty-eyed, zombie-Cloud look on his face. Either that or he laughs or smiles somewhat maniacally. There is never any resistance on his part. To see an example, simply pay attention to Cloud’s blank face as he attacks Tifa in Gongaga in chapter 9 (19:20-20:30). You’ll see the very same expression on his face if you watch this video of Cloud following Sephiroth’s orders in chapter 13 (53:36-54:15). Additionally, look at how strangely Cloud smiles (41:01) as he grasps the Black Materia. Cloud makes none of these faces as the Black Whispers try to take control of his sword: quite the opposite. Cloud looks like he’s trying his hardest to pull his weapon back down and away from Aerith, a horrified look on his face as he grunts from the effort. Once more, Sephiroth is unable to make Cloud hurt Aerith.
Back to my favorite handholding moment. Think about this devs intention for this shot for a minute. The devs have been teasing us as to whether or not Cloud will succeed in saving Aerith in the Remake trilogy since it was first announced, and this slow-mo shot of Cloud catching Aerith’s hand as she falls to her death is a reflection of this tension. The audience holds their breath during those slow-moed seconds, all that hope and fear hanging in the balance. This instance of the handholding motif is a meta way for the devs to reassure us that Cloud will indeed save Aerith. I firmly believe this.
VI. a) ii. 5) Self-Sacrificing Hands
Alright, alright, enough about my favorite! Let’s move to chapter 14 of Rebirth! There’s evidently a lot going on with Clerith in this chapter. Let’s address the Sector 5 date. The handholding is first initiated by Aerith as she tugs him toward the candy vendor and Cloud reacts with a quiet gasp (4:07-4:17). Soon, it becomes a reciprocal embrace: Cloud holds his hand out for Aerith’s and tightens his fingers around hers, smiling at her before they head to the photographer (7:07-7:17).
Then of course, when Aerith pushes Cloud into a portal in her church, you can see Cloud reach his hand up toward her desperately as he falls (17:38-17:58). What I find particularly emotional about this moment is that Aerith pushing Cloud away from her is kind of the opposite of reaching for his hand: it symbolizes Aerith accepting her fate and giving up on a life where she can be with him. This Aerith seems to be a post-OG Aerith who exists separately from the main world we experience in Rebirth, meaning she knows all too well that her fate is to die. In fact, it looks like she is the very same or a similar Aerith to the one who appeared to Cloud in his resolution scene in Remake. By literally pushing Cloud away, just like she figuratively did in Cloud’s resolution scene, she is sacrificing both herself and the happiness she could share with Cloud. She’s going against her heart’s wishes, just like she did in Cloud’s resolution scene when she would not let Cloud take her hand. Indeed, post-OG Aerith seems to be resigned to her fated death and completely devoid of hope: she only wants to ensure the planet’s survival, because she thinks she knows there is no way she can or should be with Cloud. In contrast, Cloud reaches his hand out toward Aerith as he falls into the portal, and even though he does not know that her push symbolizes her self-sacrifice, his outstretched hand represents his protest. So far, our theory is fitting beautifully.
VI. a) ii. 6) Grieving Hands
Later in chapter 14 of Rebirth, after Aerith’s death/non-death, there is more handholding. As Cloud cradles Aerith’s body close to him at the Forgotten Capital, Aerith places her hand on his cheek. Cloud covers it with his, curling his fingers around it (1:03:33-1:03:53). Before he leaves her lying down on her back to go fight Sephiroth, he squeezes her hand as he tells her “I got this”— or, per the Japanese version, “Wait for me”, meaning he’ll reunite with her once he’s done (1:04:56-1:05:10).
VI. a) ii. 7) Hero-Heroine Hands
Next, the koibito tsunagi returns as Cloud and Aerith interlace fingers back to back in a classic hero-heroine pose, right after their two-versus-one fight against Sephiroth. This time, they both reach for each other simultaneously (7:42-8:18), without even having to look down at their hands or talk to each other, as though perfectly in sync. As you can see, Aerith and Cloud are now on the same page. This is different from post-OG Aerith’s attitude in the Sector 5 church earlier in chapter 14, as well as in Cloud’s resolution scene in Remake— my interpretation of this mutual koibito tsunagi is that both of them are agreeing to hold onto each other now, with neither of them pulling back or being inattentive of the other: their priorities are now the same. It seems now they are aligned, and hopefully this means that Aerith will be working together with Cloud so they can reunite again in part 3. Even if she doesn’t prioritize her life and happiness though, we know for sure Cloud will.
VI. b) Blocking Masamune Explained?
Another piece of evidence that Cloud has been through the events of OG before is the fact that he is able to block masamune. Cloud looks up and sees Sephiroth descending with his blade poised to kill Aerith. Screaming, Cloud instantly rips the buster sword from the Black Whispers’ hold and successfully blocks masamune. Hatred and determination fill his eyes as he rallies his strength and successfully pushes Sephiroth away, saving Aerith’s life (6:00-7:26)— at least, in one reality.
Obviously, something about Cloud is different in Rebirth from in OG, otherwise, the events of Rebirth’s chapter 14 would be the same as the events of OG’s disk 1 chapter 28. In my opinion, what happened here is that upon seeing Sephiroth swoop down with masamune, Cloud remembered Aerith’s death in OG, and the post-OG Cloud’s determination to stop it came surging up from within him. This is frankly the very best proof there is that Cloud is far more ready, stable, determined, and clear-headed about Aerith in the Remake trilogy than in OG. Our theory explains why! In fact, this very moment is what our entire theory banks on: Cloud saves Aerith in one reality, as is shown by the rainbow effect produced by the event, and just like that, the promise made in “Hollow” has been fulfilled! However, now we face the question of how to make sure that Aerith is alive and by Cloud’s side when the multiverse converges again into one protected timeline. I’m sure it will be done; we will see how in part 3.
VI. c) Theme Song Lyrics
What the theme songs’ texts have to say about the trilogy so far is quite important, as they summarize the feelings of the characters they represent: Cloud and Aerith. We can glean a lot from their perspectives that could help support the Mission Theory.
VI. d) i. “Hollow” Lyrics
“Hollow”, Remake’s theme song, was written about Cloud’s feelings and rumination. Nojima confirmed that, when he was given directives for the lyric-writing, “Nomura just gave [Nojima] the keywords: ‘told from Cloud's point of view’ and ‘standing in the rain’. [Nojima] interpreted that as ‘a ballad for a man who lost something/someone important’” (Nojima and Uematsu interview “‘I wanted to put the word ‘empty’ in the theme song of Remake. That was how it started’ - Music-Related Interview Part 6: Kazunari Nojima”, by Famitsu). Our theory is about Cloud’s motivations and mission to save Aerith, so “Hollow” is especially relevant.
Let’s run through the lyrics and analyze, starting with the song’s first verse:

“I would be lost, drifting along
Floating up high, time after time
And there you'd be, shining brightly
Your smiling face to guide my way
Bloody and bruised, brought to my knees
When beaten down, when broken up
You would appear, reach out to me
Heal every wound and make me whole”

Makes sense with our theory in mind, doesn’t it? This is post-OG Cloud remembering Aerith and what she means to him. “Hollow” seems to be told from the perspective of the post-OG Cloud hidden somewhere in Remake Cloud: a suppressed or eroded part of him that remembers Aerith clearly. Or maybe it’s told by Cloud after the events of the MFF x FFVII Remake collaboration and before the start of Remake, asserting his mission to save Aerith.
Next, here are the pre-choruses:

“Was it all, a dream? Will I never know?
Foolish and blind to everything
Had I realized, had I thought it through
Would you be here in my embrace?”

&

“With your every smile, hiding something more
Dark mysteries lurking beneath
But I was consumed with this emptiness
This selfishness, this void to fill”

(continued in

Chapter 4: Fires of Damnation
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[Previous] <<First>> [Next]
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June 1, 2030, Tokyo, Japan - 1:00 am JST- 2 and a half hours post-invasion
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Aquila Generalis scoured the ruined metropolis. She held a torch in her upper left hand and a gargantuan gladius in her upper right. She had large nets filled with writhing Japanese civilians in her lower left and right appendages. The civilians screamed and squirmed like fish in netting. Some humans were cradling streaming infants and crying children. Others cradled their spouses, elderly parents, or anyone nearby. Most just panicked. A few rational humans used small knives or their teeth to sever the netting, much to the amusement of an onlooking dragon. Movement from an apartment complex caught the attention of a tremendous soldier. The soldier stuck his hand into the ruined apartment complex while the rest stopped and stared at him.
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"What are you doing?" Asked another soldier. She raised an eyebrow and gave her fellow soldier a puzzled look.
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The giant stretched his right arm, straining himself. He pressed his left arm against the building to maintain balance.
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"Need some help?" The amused dragon sneered.
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The giant hissed in excretion and annoyance. He stretched his fingers, a determined fervor taking over him. He pushed a desk over, revealing a cowering human. The giant grabbed the human by its legs and dragged the Man toward his eye.
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"Got him." The soldier hissed.
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Some of the giants began crowding around the building. Most gathered to steal their compatriot's meal, while a few scoured the facility for more humans. The soldier's single eye widened with glee. He licked his lips with anticipation; the sight of fresh meat entranced him in a state of euphoria. A small gust of wind blew towards him as he dragged the screaming human towards his eye. The giants opened their maws in anticipation, a toothy grin plastered on their faces. The human revealed a small device, and the gigantic glutton paid no mind. The monster feasted on many humans when he entered the metropolis. He had never seen such a colossal city nor so many humans packed into one place. This human would be one of his many victims. When the human was before the titan, he sprayed a mysterious substance into the titan's eye. The giant released the human and covered his single elephantine eye. He wailed in pain and stumbled backward, knocking his comrades over. The Mammoth of a Monster cried like a newborn infant while his comrades groaned in pain.
Aquila Generalis glowered at her pathetic legion while the dragon erupted in laughter. Others stopped searching the building to see what the commotion was about. Upon seeing their fellow giant reduced to a weeping wimp, they laughed.
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"I'm blind. I'm Blind! I'M BLII-I-I-IND!" The giant wailed.
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"I CAN'T SEE. I. CAN'T. SEE-EE!!!" he whipped his eye furiously, Wailing all the while.
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Aquila Generalis put the nets down. She marched toward the foolish giant, pulled him to his feet, and glared at her soldiers. They quickly stopped laughing. The dragon, on the other hand, was hooting and hollering.
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"I'M bLiNd. I cAn'T sEe. Oh, HeLp MeE!" the dragon jeered.
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The general ignored him for the sake of her health. She shook the crying Cyclops, then slapped him.
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"What is wrong with you, soldier?"
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The cyclops sobbed quietly. "The h-human sp-sprayed me with s-something." He said between sniffles.
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The general clutched the bridge of her nose. I do not have time for this. As the general berated the legionnaire, Strange beasts dotted the night sky.
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—-----
Japan Air and Space Self-Defense Force (JASSDF)
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"I have a visual on the targets. Be advised targets have hostages. Do not fire unless you have a clear shot."
—-----
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The dragon looked up while the commander chastised her soldier. Upon laying eyes on the strange flying contraptions, the dragon narrowed his eyes.
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"Aquila"
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"Aquila!"
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"Not now, dragon!" The general continued berating the Cyclops.
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"Look up, stupid giant."
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"Not now, you serpentine-"
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The dragon was blown to pieces. His scales, limbs, teeth, and other body parts were scattered on the roof he once stood on. Chaos ensued as the squadron of Mitsubishi F-2 fighters lit up the sky. Before General Aquila could react, A missile hit her head, detonating. Brain matter and skull fragments decorated the buildings, creating a collage of carnage. Most of the legion tried to bring out their slings, only for their bones and organs to paint the metropolis. The few remaining legionnaires fled, leaving their human hostages. Dragons from nearby, alerted by the explosions, came to investigate. A barrage of missiles shot down the dragons that flew toward the squadron. Blood, bone, and flesh rained down on the streets of northern Tokyo.
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—-----
“Clear. Send evac for civvies.”
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***
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June 1, 2030, Tokyo, Japan - 2:00 am JST- 3 and a half hours post-invasion
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North Gate- a park in northern Tokyo
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The invasion was successful. Thousands of humans fell before the trollish legion of Luath and the elven legion of Grásta; hundreds more huddled in cages, ready to be processed into food or slaves. The trolls fought in ritualistic combat for their human trophies. At the same time, the elves watched, knowing they would be given most of the quarry due to their inherent superiority. The lesser fae were presented their trophies early: the elderly, infirm, and those too young to be used. With nothing better to do, most of the lesser fae reentered the gate while a select few remained. Ginearálta de Grásta, General of the Grásta legion, speaks with one of his soldiers.
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"This is quite the nest."
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"Agreed, Sir. It is almost…." The soldier marveled at the large city, its towering structures piercing the heavens. "Impressive," the soldier sighed.
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"Uncanny? Yes. Impressive? No. These are intelligent animals capable of fabricating wonders, but animals nonetheless. They mimic our customs, art, and concepts but lack the capacity to create true marvels. True marvels are the domain of those who wield the arcane, for it is the arcane that elevates us to the realm of sapience. Only those capable of wielding the arcane can be called sapient and only sapients can build something impressive. Everything Man creates is a caricature of our achievements; remember that."
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"Of course, sir." the soldier said hesitantly.
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"You are a fine soldier; what is your title?"
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"Saighdiúir giolcach, sir." the soldier hastily replied.
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"I've seen you around, and you show great potential. Your loyalty to Tír na Nog and the elven race cannot be ignored. Follow me."
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Saighdiúir Giolcach, The soldier of reeds, obeyed his general's command. The soldier caught glimpses of the dueling trolls from the corner of his eyes as he passed by. Ginearálta de Grásta and Saighdiúir Giolcach passed by some trees and bushes until they reached a clearing full of human cages. Ginearálta de Grásta stepped directly in front of a cage and knelt to get a closer look at the captives. Saighdiúir Giolcach slowed down and stopped a few feet from his commander.
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"Come closer, soldier."
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The soldier hesitantly stepped closer and looked inside the cages. Humans were tightly packed inside, shoulder to shoulder, shaking and quietly sobbing. Their clothing was torn and filthy, and their faces were stained with dust and tears. They inched away from the general, squishing each other in the process. The site disgusted him, but he maintained his composure.
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"Have you ever seen a human before?" the general asked inquisitively.
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"No, sir. My father showed me pictures and told stories, but that's it. My family doesn't have enough money to own half-bloods, let alone pure humans." the soldier replied.
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"Well, boy, today is your lucky day. Pick one." The general commanded.
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Saighdiúir Giolcach gazed upon the mass of frightened humans. "Humans are master mimics; they cannot wield the arcane. They're just beasts," he repeated to himself as he stared into the cage in front of him.
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He stared at a frightened Japanese woman, an adolescent just like him. They're supposed to be animals, but their eyes ... their eyes. Anguish, anxiety, grief, sadness, and so many emotions swirled within those expressive eyes. The outside commotion faded as the soldier drowned in her eyes. As his breathing and heart rate accelerated, he began questioning everything he learned about humanity and the definition of sapience. This isn't right; nothing is right. The soldier of reeds remembered his father's stories of glorious manhunts and successful raids. He remembered his mother's proverbs on magic and how it separated them from their pets and livestock. The elves are the superior race, far superior to humans. Humans are pets, livestock, slaves, and —NO! He took three steps back. He was wrong, his family was wrong, everyone was wrong. This is ₩ⱤØ₦₲. I won't condone this.
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"C̸̵̨̨̳͕̙̤̥̞͕͇̦͙̟̲ͭ̋͑ͥͮ̌ͬͬ́̃ͦ̾͆͢͡ē̸̸͇͇̣͓̣̖̲̘̋ͮ̓ͭ̀͑̏̓͗_̙̰͓̲̠̪̮͔̔̎͌ͪ͐̈́̆͘a̢͖̱̱̙̲̩̠̯͔̙̖͚ͤ̈́̇̋ͯͬ͆ͥ̆ͮń̴̡͍̘̠͍̩̺͖̟̲̉ͫ̀ͤͧ̆̈̅͆̂̐̒̋͊̒̋͟͢͟͞͞ͅn̸̛̘̫̯̘̝̱̬͉̝̲͈̿ͪ́́̽ͦ̈ͯ̄͒̈̅̍̚ d͖̣̬͈͚ḭ̛̘͚͕̱́́ͧͭ̓̐̍̽͞ͅl̚į̸̧̹̖͎̻͓ͮ̐̒ͮ̋̂̀ͯ̎̉͐ͦ̑ͦͩͤ͘͟͡s͇̿̃ d͉̬̂ͦ͗è̷̷̻͓̭͎̣̠̱̞̮̦ͤ̈́̓͑̍̒̈̏ͭͯ̕͘͘͜ Ģ̢̙̼̩̮̪̤̮͚̭͖͖̥͍͈̳̲̠͒̉̂ͥ̔ͨ́ͧ́ͬͤ́ͩ̍ͫ̃͌ͯͤ̕͟͢͝ī̷̡̢̨̧̦̩̩̙͕̦͖̞̠̘̬̰͕ͣͧ̑̾̚͢͠ͅ_̛̀̀̉́ͬ͝o̴̘̭͈̜͍͕͉̤̜̘͖͍̠̎͑́ͫ̍̎̔̏ͮ͂ͩ́͘͟l̸̴̵̵̛̫͎͍͔̜̘͉̭̭̳̻̮̖̉͐̆ͫ̇͑ͧ̿̄͑̍ͦ́̅̅ͯ̀̈ͫ̓̊̍̆̃ć̸̴̵̻̪̻̘̮͎̟̫͚͉̗̳̞̦̒ͪ̇̏̄̈́ͤ͗͘͢͝ͅaͮ̒c̡̡͉̮̟̤̭̻̥̩̗̭͔̺̎̀̀̊̃ͬ̀͆͋̆ͣ̐̄́͛͒̏ͩ̾͆̾ͯ̚͟͡ͅͅh͎̞͓̳̞͙̼̱͇͓͂ͨͧ̂ͩͣ̈́̈͗̿̓̆͂́̈́͗ͯ̆ͩ̕͝͞ͅͅ, you faithless fool." The general growled. Arcane power filled his lungs.
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The general stood up, turned around, and scowled at the boy. At the invocation of his true name, the soldier froze. The general's magic seeped into his body, causing a sharp, burning pain to envelop him.
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Despite the agony, C̸̵̨̨̳͕̙̤̥̞͕͇̦͙̟̲ͭ̋͑ͥͮ̌ͬͬ́̃ͦ̾͆͢͡ē̸̸͇͇̣͓̣̖̲̘̋ͮ̓ͭ̀͑̏̓͗_̙̰͓̲̠̪̮͔̔̎͌ͪ͐̈́̆͘a̢͖̱̱̙̲̩̠̯͔̙̖͚ͤ̈́̇̋ͯͬ͆ͥ̆ͮń̴̡͍̘̠͍̩̺͖̟̲̉ͫ̀ͤͧ̆̈̅͆̂̐̒̋͊̒̋͟͢͟͞͞ͅn̸̛̘̫̯̘̝̱̬͉̝̲͈̿ͪ́́̽ͦ̈ͯ̄͒̈̅̍̚ d͖̣̬͈͚ḭ̛̘͚͕̱́́ͧͭ̓̐̍̽͞ͅl̚į̸̧̹̖͎̻͓ͮ̐̒ͮ̋̂̀ͯ̎̉͐ͦ̑ͦͩͤ͘͟͡s͇̿̃ d͉̬̂ͦ͗è̷̷̻͓̭͎̣̠̱̞̮̦ͤ̈́̓͑̍̒̈̏ͭͯ̕͘͘͜ Ģ̢̙̼̩̮̪̤̮͚̭͖͖̥͍͈̳̲̠͒̉̂ͥ̔ͨ́ͧ́ͬͤ́ͩ̍ͫ̃͌ͯͤ̕͟͢͝ī̷̡̢̨̧̦̩̩̙͕̦͖̞̠̘̬̰͕ͣͧ̑̾̚͢͠ͅ_̛̀̀̉́ͬ͝o̴̘̭͈̜͍͕͉̤̜̘͖͍̠̎͑́ͫ̍̎̔̏ͮ͂ͩ́͘͟l̸̴̵̵̛̫͎͍͔̜̘͉̭̭̳̻̮̖̉͐̆ͫ̇͑ͧ̿̄͑̍ͦ́̅̅ͯ̀̈ͫ̓̊̍̆̃ć̸̴̵̻̪̻̘̮͎̟̫͚͉̗̳̞̦̒ͪ̇̏̄̈́ͤ͗͘͢͝ͅaͮ̒c̡̡͉̮̟̤̭̻̥̩̗̭͔̺̎̀̀̊̃ͬ̀͆͋̆ͣ̐̄́͛͒̏ͩ̾͆̾ͯ̚͟͡ͅͅh͎̞͓̳̞͙̼̱͇͓͂ͨͧ̂ͩͣ̈́̈͗̿̓̆͂́̈́͗ͯ̆ͩ̕͝͞ͅͅ spoke.
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"This-Ack ₩ⱤØ₦₲, you-ack, every-ack..." He sputtered as blue blood leaked from his mouth, nose, ears, and eyes. Tears tried to crawl from his pale yellow eyes, but he held them back. He could feel his skin turn to bark, lungs to heartwood, hair to leaves, and eyes to flowers.
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"F̴̭̤̘̣̖̏̈͒̄ͫ̿͘͢a̢̰̳̦̺͓̥̗͉̦̻̖͇̯̹̺̓͆͗̀ͪ͌̈́ͧͯͧ͆̃̌̒̕͘͢͢͠͞͡i̛̩̙͕͌̉͂̇̃_̪̳̺͕̮͕̽͑t̸̶̿_̲͉͆h̶̷͚̣̠̥̪̳̲̝̳̱̟̫̯͍̝̩̱̱̦͎͇̳̯͇̱̜ͧ̃ͩ̐ͤ͆̏̈́̈ͪͪ͛ͧ͌̓̌͢͞f̷̘ͬ_̳̅ȕ̸̷̴̢̱͉̩̯̲̹̝̙͙̈ͣͨ̆͋͗̓͋̿͊̔͛̋̍̕͢ͅl̉̎͝͡ ǫ̧̺̲͍̯͖͙̥̦̦̮̇̑̈͆ͨ̈́̅̉̈ͯͥ́͌̃ͭ͘͜n̨̧̰̜̭̪͎ͥ̽ͪ̅̑ͦ͒͌̆ͮ̋͐͟͠e_̧̞͖͓̺͓̦̝̞̾͆̆͆̎̈ͬ̈́̑͗ͨ͟͠ͅ ǫ̷̴͎̙̥̝̝́̊ͫ̒͑͑ͨͥͨ̌̑͆̉͟͟f̲̗̜̤̪͉̪̮̘͙ͪͪͫͤ̄̂̌̐͑̽̉ͅ t̛̖̝̻͓̏͋̀̊̒͘͡͞h͔̜͕͖̼͋ͤ̇_̠̾e̡̳͉̟ͪ̍ͬ̊͡ r̷̨̛̛̘̦͓̭̙ͣ͑̍ͬ̈́̋̄ͮ̓ͦ͑͗͑̎̓͗͘͜͜ế̴̴̝̲̗͖̦̫̭͔͈̺̘̖̲̜̱͍͈̓͆͒̉̒ͫ̇̋̑ͧͮ̕͘͢͜͞͞͞ed̶̛̛̟̘̖̻̎̓ͯͨ̓͌̇͐̍̍͗̄̚̚͟ͅs̛͔̞̮̩̫̭̠̞̼̗̼ͮ̅̈̅ͯͧ̂̋̉̊̏͢͜,̨̡̠̰̰̇ͪ͊͂̏̈́ͮ̌̈ͪ̌̆̎͒͝ ẙ̵̷̡̡̛̛̬̺͈͎̭̟̲̻̲̥̩̗͉̔͋̑̏͐́ͥ͆̈̋ͪ͜͢͡ͅo̷̡̻̝̜̹̳͓͖̞ͯ̾͒̀́̇̍͂ͦ͘͘̚͟͢u̸̸̸̟͚̮͙͉̳̗̥̮̜̞͈͚͈̜̩̠̘̇̊ͥ͗ͣ̋̄͗̈́ͭ͆̾̈̃ͣ̔͆͑̑͐̽͟͢͝ ą̡̝̰͙̰̖͉͕̂ͨͬ̑͛́̂ͨ̋̏̾ͦ̑͠ŗ̴̠̭̦̺̖͍̘̖̦̗̞͕̦͉ͯ̂͐ͥͦ̀̒̀͊̄͌ͧ͊̄̾̍́̎̏ͩ̏ͮ͘̕͟ͅę̶̡̢͍̬͎̗̹̖̟̦͇̼̼͎͉̗̜̔̎́́̀ͪ͛ͪ͒̌͋͗̉̄̾͊̒̿̈ͪ̔͑̕̕͠͞ ń̵̢̨̧̹̲̮̮̝̣̩͙͚̠̥̻́̾ͤ́̀́̌̅̋͛̅̎ͩ̅̆͑ͧ͜͢͠͝͡_̡ͯ̎̎͑ͫ͛ơ̷̵̧̡͙͖͙̤͓͓̗̼͕͈̬̱̰̺̖ͣͩ͐͆͋̏̇́ͩ̈͐͗ͤ̾̎͗ͫ̑ͯͮ͂̉̃͘͜͠ f̟̞̥͇ͯ͛̄͆ͬ͒̊́á̯̬̄ͫ͝_̵̼̦̥͖͎͈̝̠̬̹̤̦̰̰͕͔̞̊̃͌ͦ̔̎̓̋ͯ̀ͫ͂͞͡ͅě̡̛̬̜̥̩͓͚̫̳̭̖͔̒̍͛ͨ̾̏̃̚͢͟͠.̵̡̟̲̗̤͙̺̌̍͐ͨ̌͂ͣ͂ͥ͋̑̾ͪ̈́̇ͣ͂͆̃͞"

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BANG.

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Ceann dílis fell to the ground, gasping for air and too weak to stand. Japanese soldiers, carrying strange sticks, came seemingly from nowhere. Most Japanese soldiers rushed to break open the cages. Some stood over the dead general and the child soldier, who openly wept, paralyzed, and petrified.
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"Sir, we have a child in desperate need of medical aid." A Japanese soldier spoke through a strange object.
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The boy sobbed loudly.
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—-----
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"It wasn't supposed to be like this." Ginearálta de Luath, general of the Luath legion, whispered.
The humans had unleashed something, which wiped out the Grásta legion in seconds by filling the soldiers with metal stones. The stones were so fast, he couldn't stop them. They tore through the elves with ease and left marks on his skin. He used his magic to find the killers, but before he could retaliate, what could only be described as metal beasts launched fire blasts at him, exterminating most of his legion. Now, all he could do was run and hide. He climbed over the crumbling remains of his troll brothers and past the lesser fae, who chose to surrender. He was the only one alive to make it through the northern gate. The humans of this world can do magic. Somehow, in 200 years, they acquired arcane power. He didn't know how it happened, but what he did know was that Man was no longer prey. The humans of this world would bring perdition to Tír na Nog.
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{A/N: Hey guys, I did not die and this series was not canceled. These last two college semesters kicked my ass and burnt the heck out of me. It took me a while, but here it is chapter 4. I want to post as many chapters as possible before the next college semester starts. If you have any feedback or questions, I will happily respond.}
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Aquila Generalis pronounced (Ah-KWEE-lah jen-eh-RAH-lis)
Luath pronounced (LOO-ah)
Ginearálta de Luath pronounced (Jin-ah-RAWL-tah deh LOO-ah)
Grásta pronounced (GRAH-stah)
Ginearálta de Grásta pronounced (Jin-ah-RAWL-tah deh GRAH-stah)
Saighdiúir Giolcach pronounced (SAH-ee-joo-ir gee-ul-kahkh)
Ceann dílis pronounced (Kyann DEE-lish)
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C̸̵̨̨̳͕̙̤̥̞͕͇̦͙̟̲ͭ̋͑ͥͮ̌ͬͬ́̃ͦ̾͆͢͡ē̸̸͇͇̣͓̣̖̲̘̋ͮ̓ͭ̀͑̏̓͗_̙̰͓̲̠̪̮͔̔̎͌ͪ͐̈́̆͘a̢͖̱̱̙̲̩̠̯͔̙̖͚ͤ̈́̇̋ͯͬ͆ͥ̆ͮń̴̡͍̘̠͍̩̺͖̟̲̉ͫ̀ͤͧ̆̈̅͆̂̐̒̋͊̒̋͟͢͟͞͞ͅn̸̛̘̫̯̘̝̱̬͉̝̲͈̿ͪ́́̽ͦ̈ͯ̄͒̈̅̍̚ d͖̣̬͈͚ḭ̛̘͚͕̱́́ͧͭ̓̐̍̽͞ͅl̚į̸̧̹̖͎̻͓ͮ̐̒ͮ̋̂̀ͯ̎̉͐ͦ̑ͦͩͤ͘͟͡s͇̿̃ d͉̬̂ͦ͗è̷̷̻͓̭͎̣̠̱̞̮̦ͤ̈́̓͑̍̒̈̏ͭͯ̕͘͘͜ Ģ̢̙̼̩̮̪̤̮͚̭͖͖̥͍͈̳̲̠͒̉̂ͥ̔ͨ́ͧ́ͬͤ́ͩ̍ͫ̃͌ͯͤ̕͟͢͝ī̷̡̢̨̧̦̩̩̙͕̦͖̞̠̘̬̰͕ͣͧ̑̾̚͢͠ͅ_̛̀̀̉́ͬ͝o̴̘̭͈̜͍͕͉̤̜̘͖͍̠̎͑́ͫ̍̎̔̏ͮ͂ͩ́͘͟l̸̴̵̵̛̫͎͍͔̜̘͉̭̭̳̻̮̖̉͐̆ͫ̇͑ͧ̿̄͑̍ͦ́̅̅ͯ̀̈ͫ̓̊̍̆̃ć̸̴̵̻̪̻̘̮͎̟̫͚͉̗̳̞̦̒ͪ̇̏̄̈́ͤ͗͘͢͝ͅaͮ̒c̡̡͉̮̟̤̭̻̥̩̗̭͔̺̎̀̀̊̃ͬ̀͆͋̆ͣ̐̄́͛͒̏ͩ̾͆̾ͯ̚͟͡ͅͅh͎̞͓̳̞͙̼̱͇͓͂ͨͧ̂ͩͣ̈́̈͗̿̓̆͂́̈́͗ͯ̆ͩ̕͝͞ͅͅ pronounced (Kyann DEE-lish deh gee-ul-kahkh)
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Part 1

The official story is that I hit my head. According to the lawyer I wasn't lucid enough to be a reliable witness, and honestly, I'm starting to believe that might be the truth. It's certainly easier to accept that everything was all just some nightmare.
But if my mind wasn't playing tricks on me, and those fuck-heads didn’t have anything to do with my friend’s disappearance, then there truly is no explanation for what happened.
My therapist and parents both agree. The best way to preserve my sanity is to chalk it all up to my imagination. But I see understanding in their eyes when I recount the events. They want to believe me, I know it. That alone is enough to fuel my doubt.
—
School had begun that September with mourning. I only knew the guy who passed away by face and name. It had happened a month after his graduation, and two months before his first year at Cornell.
During the intercom-ordered moment of silence, I looked out through the classroom. Some were bored, some cried. Many shifted in their seats and were glancing around, like myself, counting every second till the awkwardness would end.
It ended sooner than we thought when a kid with sports goggles a size too big bouncing on his face slammed the door open, obliviously clarifying his attendance.
I'm embarrassed to say that this kid, Aiden, was the only friend I had made in high school until this point. I have a hard time introducing myself to others, but being friends with a prepubescent outcast wasn't making that any easier.
After middle school, my family moved to the small village we live in now. It was a brainless choice because my Mom had found better work, my Dad wanted to be closer to his aging parents, and I desperately wanted out of my old school.
Aiden was the first kid to introduce himself when I transferred last year. I realized he was the token 'weird kid' way too late to make it into any social circles. I know it sounds like I'm a shit friend, but that's the way our relationship turned out. Sure, we told our parents and teachers we were friends, but in reality, it was more a tolerance than friendship.
After all, we didn't have anyone else.
For once, I was thankful for Aiden's lack of awareness. It gave me something to focus on instead of the depressing silence strangling the room.
After realizing his mistake, he whispered an apology, sat down, and pulled out an insect encyclopedia from his book bag. What a nerd.
I distracted myself by reading the book from over his shoulder, and before I knew it, lights were turned back on and class began in earnest.
—
I was able to learn what had happened by eavesdropping on hallway gossip between my classes.
Eight kids, six seniors and two juniors, had found a cave in a region of forest known as Skeleton Park. With that discovery, they decided to add spelunking to their pre-graduation bucket list.
Skeleton Park is the setting of countless local ghost stories, which made it a hot spot for rebellious teen antics. Kids would do everything there: party, drink, smoke, fuck, and everything in between. They even crawled around in caves apparently.
When I first moved, I was a skeptic with no intent of exploring the woods. But one creepy phenomenon always unnerved me. For some reason, animals completely avoided the area.
I initially dismissed this as fiction, like all the other folk tales, until I started walking my dog, Paddy, along the town's bike trail.
The trail runs parallel to the remains of a stone wall outlining Skeleton Park. The first couple of times I walked along it, I didn't notice anything peculiar. But after my Dad first told me about the rumors, I became aware that the area was unnaturally silent. No birds chirped in the trees, no flies buzzing, and no rustling from rodents or any other animals.
Even more surreal, on several occasions I saw deer stop at the wall and walk along it instead of passing through the area. It was like there was an invisible border they refused to cross.
With this context, I'm sure you can understand the reaction of the locals when eight kids entered, and only seven escaped two days later, traumatized and bruised.
Honestly, I was surprised to not have heard about the event over the summer, closer to when it happened. Even more strange though, was how unwilling Aiden was to talk about the incident.
He was the kind of kid who had a strong opinion about everything. On top of that, he was constantly bringing up horror movies, or Creepypastas he had found online. But when I asked his opinion on this summer's events during recess, he only shrugged. Despite the nonchalant response, the look on his face told me that it bothered him. So I didn’t press, and let the subject go.
At the time I'd guessed that he might've had some connection to the kid that went missing. In a way, he did.
—
After an exhausting day of attempts from teachers to console their students with speeches, candy, and exceptional lenience, I was ready to go home.
I expected to find Aidan at the usual spot by the bike racks, where we met each day to walk home. Instead, there was an audience next to the bikes, forming a ring around two disheveled figures.
The flying fists and shouting could only mean one thing, so I kept my distance. Then I heard Aidan yell center, “Fucker!’ and saw a glimpse of his face spitting from a bloody mouth onto the other fighter.
Even though his back was to me, I could tell Aidan’s opponent was easily 5 inches, and 60 pounds heavier than my friend.
Teachers didn’t arrive to break up the fight before the two were on the ground, Aidan mounted with arms up, desperately trying to block blows.
A whistle was blown, and people began running away as my math teacher desperately tried to pry the football player off of Aidan.
He fought back the grown man and was finally pulled away when two more adults rushed to help. The boy was screaming at Aiden with carnal rage.
"You're a fucking liar! How dare you, I'm going to fucking kill you if I ever see you again!"
Aidan was still screaming too, but backed away willingly.
"I'm telling the truth dumbass! You were trespassing! You should be lucky we didn't press charges!"
Aiden looked bad but waved the teachers off whenever they asked if he was OK. Blood poured from his forehead, mouth, and nose. He had at least one black eye.
The other guy, I learned from the crowd, was one of the two juniors who had gone to the cave. He didn't have as many cuts or bruises but was supporting his weight on one leg and his friend's shoulder. Multiple teachers forced him into a chair while they waited for a nurse to arrive.
While the crowd control was distracted, Aiden sneaked over to me and whispered that we needed to get out of there. A couple of minutes later, the two of us were walking home like nothing had ever happened.
It took me a while before I dared to ask Aiden for the full story. He didn't even let me finish my question, which let me know he was more or less his usual self.
"My family inherited the property everyone calls Skeleton Park. It's not haunted, it's not toxic, it's not the home of a satanic sex cult; it's just a piece of forest that's been in my family for a couple of generations."
He spat a dribble of red onto the sidewalk, and I realized I'd never seen Aiden get violent before. We had our share of bullying this past year, but he would always shrug it off and laugh. He wouldn't even try to fight back. We would just get pushed around a bit, and he'd make a quip afterward about the guys' weight or smell.
"Every summer, my dad and I drive around the perimeter putting up trespassing signs, and every year they get ripped down. We get police calls once a month during the summer that somebody came limping out of there with a broken arm or leg, and they have the balls to demand we do something about it. It's not our fault nobody follows the law around here. It's the fucking woods, and it's our private property. What the hell are we even supposed to do?"
To be honest, I hadn't even considered Skeleton Park could've been private property. Though I believed everything Aiden said, I had never seen any signs along the border wall. Embarrassed from being one of those trespassers, I looked away and stayed silent as Aiden continued.
"The area is just too big. There are too many places to enter, and there's no way to block it all off. Though it's not like that'll stop anybody. I feel bad that somebody died, but I'm also a little bit thankful. Maybe now, people will think twice before messing around out there."
We walked in silence until reaching the junction where we would have to part ways. I was tired and wanted to head home, but I also was worried that Aiden would be jumped by some of the seniors if he was alone. It had happened before, and his earlier brawl could've been seen as a declaration of war.
Instead of voicing these concerns, however, I asked if he wanted to play video games at his house. He was surprised by the request but agreed.
I was on edge with every passing car, and every blind turn, but thankfully we weren’t attacked. After a couple more minutes of walking, we made it to Aiden’s house. His Dad was outside watering the garden. He turned, noticing our approach in the corner of his eye, but his planned greeting died in his mouth when he saw the dried blood coating Aiden’s face.
"Holy Shit! what did you do this time?" he exclaimed, running over to inspect his son’s injuries. "Oh, hey Brian," he added, smiling briefly at me before returning to his analysis.
Mr. Eriks was cool for a dad. Aiden never had a bad thing to say about him, and the way he handled everything that happened in the following months would only increase my admiration for him. He'd raised Aiden by himself, and I would've considered him a second friend if he wasn't 40 years older than me.
After determining the damage wasn't all that bad: a cut on Aidan's forehead and lip producing most of the blood, the three of us went inside.
Aiden went upstairs to take a shower, and his dad privately thanked me for walking him home. It didn’t take long for me to cave, and ask Mr. Eriks about the park.
"Yeah, we do own it," he answered while preparing snacks for Aiden and me. " My wife, Aiden's mom, inherited it before she passed away, and then it was signed over to me. To be honest, I don't know too much about it, and she didn't either. We just used it to go camping there sometimes, back before Aiden was born. Now we go together because it reminds us of her."
"Did you ever run into people up there, when you're camping?"
"Yeah, though not in the fall and winter when we usually go. I have the police's local number on speed dial for when it happens. Usually, it's just teens though. Kids tend to run away as soon as they see an adult with a flashlight. Paranormal or not, they know they're not supposed to be there- You staying with us for dinner Brian?"
At this point, I was too curious about the truth of Skeleton Park to leave, so I nodded and said I just needed to check with my parents.
After a phone call with my mom, some pizza rolls, and a couple of rounds of Fortnite, the afternoon stress had mostly faded away.
Me and Aidan were sitting in his room, scrolling Netflix for a slasher film to watch, when I finally asked what I'd been dying to know the entire afternoon.
"So, why was that guy saying you're a liar?"
Aiden chuckled at the question.
"He refused to believe my family owned the property his friend died on."
"Why did you even say anything? You know that just makes them want to beat you up more, right?"
"I'm tired of everybody using our land like a public park, I'm tired of picking up condoms left by people I go to school with, and I'm tired of keeping quiet about it. I tried explaining it to people in middle school. Our first project in fifth grade was a presentation about something important to us, I did mine about the park. Nobody believed me, and it got me socially exiled for the next four years. "
I ignored the urge to explain that there was probably more to his social exile than a get-to-know-you presentation from four years ago.
"That's fair I guess," I said instead. "You're dad says you go camping there."
"Yeah, on three-day weekends, and sometimes longer on breaks. Mostly in the fall and winter when there are less trespassers."
"You don't find it creepy camping there? Even without the trespassers?"
"You mean because of the silence?" Aiden smiled and looked over at me. "Yeah, the rumor about the animals is true as far as I can tell. Sure. It's kind of weird, but in winter it's kind of beautiful too. After a blizzard, there's nothing to disturb the snow, and it's kinda like the whole forest has gone to sleep. With the snow and no animals, it can get so quiet that you hear your own heart beating."
He looked off past me with a feeling of nostalgia, but all I felt was chills.
"I can take you if you want," Aiden added. "I'll have to ask my dad, but I think it would be fun to have another person camp with us."
"I'll think about it," was my way of declining without saying no.
Aiden just shrugged. "Suit yourself. Offer still stands if you ever change your mind."
Much to my annoyance, we weren’t even able to finish the movie. My Mom called, saying she was outside to pick me up an hour into our viewing of The Blair Witch Project.
I went to bed wondering how anyone could feel safe camping in a place like that. After contemplating taking Aidan up on his offer, I concluded there could be nothing that would make me spend the night there. Ironically, it would be less than a week before I changed my mind.
—
Three days later, I was walking Paddy along our usual route when she stopped and looked up at something beyond the stone wall, into Skeleton Park. She stood like a statue, eyes wide and fixated on some invisible thing.
I tried tugging the leash, pulling out a treat, begging, and making all kinds of sounds, but she just stood there. Paddy was a six-year-old golden retriever who easily weighed as much as I did, so I couldn't do much more than wait for her to move.
Suddenly, she began barking wildly at the air.
I tried approaching, but she growled at me, a sound I had never heard from her before, and I was forced to back away.
Before I could even process what was happening. She leaped over the wall and ran at full speed into the woods. It all happened so quickly that I had no time to tighten my grip on the leash.
She sprinted straight into the woods, and I chased after her, but I didn't make it far without tripping on a root hidden among the leaves. My knee was split open by something as I fell, and it took all my strength, fighting past the shock, to get back up. After recovering, I looked in all directions, but couldn't see Paddy anymore. I could only hear the tossing of leaves and branches in the distance.
Then there was nothing. Not a single sound. I'm not sure why I didn't question the sudden silence back then. It wasn't the gradual fade into silence you would expect from something running away. It was as if somebody had just hit a mute button on everything but the wind through the trees.
I don't know, maybe I'm misremembering the details.
Patty's disappearance doesn't matter anyway. We never found her, and dogs don’t live for twenty years, so at this point, we never will.
After taking a moment to recover from the shock, I limped home crying and told my parents what had happened. My Dad called the police because it was the only thing we could think of, but all they did was apologize and recommend we put up posters.
They couldn't do anything even if they wanted to. After all, she ran onto private property.
After that, the last thing I could think to do was call Aiden. His dad promised they could search the park that night, and he also offered to take me for an extended search the following weekend in case they didn’t find anything.
Of course, they didn't find her, just half of a leash wrapped around a branch. At least, that's what my parents told me the Eriks had found, they never actually let me see it.
A day before the trip, the Forecast started predicting snow: Saturday night into Sunday, eight inches, wet.
I probably should've given up then. Instead, I told Aiden this would probably be my only chance to find Paddy, insisting she wouldn't survive in the snow. After making sure with his dad, we continued with the plan and headed out after school Friday night.
—
While it hurts keeping this story in, reliving the memories is almost as painful. So I'm going to take a break writing for now and continue in a day or two. If anyone has a scientific explanation for why animals were avoiding that area, or for my dog's behavior, please let me know.
Thanks for reading, B
Part 1

I was just returning back from another interview. It has been the third one this month.
I failed to make the cut yet again.
Life hasn’t been easy for an ex-soldier with the economic downturn currently underway.
The COVID pandemic had also wiped out all my savings.
So I was open to securing any job that would help me pay my bills.
I hadn’t eaten all day and just passed by a McDonalds. It was crowded and I thought to myself, ‘Let me just order a takeout’.
I could see a few vehicles waiting in front of me.
There was a guy in his motorcycle honking incessantly demanding the customer in front to keep it moving.
He was a tall man with long hair and clearly looked edgy and irritable. Both his arms were heavily tattooed. He stepped down from his bike and started to walk towards the car in front of him.
I couldn’t make out what he way saying but I could see the conversation was getting heated.
I got down from my car and walked towards the biker guy.
As I got closer, the biker banged on the hood of the car and was pointing his finger at the man threateningly.
The guy in the car was looking a little alarmed. He had a young boy seated next to him.
The woman working at the driveway counter appealed to the biker to maintain his cool. He would hear none of it.
She then proceeded to call the police and this made the biker more irate. He snatched the receiver from her and hit her face with it. She fell backwards and started bleeding from the nose.
The biker then proceeded to turn his gaze towards the man in the car. He opened the door and dragged the guy outside.
He drew his hand back to throw a punch at him.
I caught his arm from behind and kicked him hard in the shins. He yelped in pain and let go of the other man.
He then turned back angrily to take a look at me. He was wearing a black jacket with the name Kenny embossed in front.
I said, “Listen Kenny. I have had a really bad day. So you either stop this madness or I am going to break your bones.”
He snarled and threw a punch at me with all his might. I swerved to the right and ducked just in time, causing him to miss completely.
Next, he whipped out a switch blade from his pocket and lunged towards me with it. I side stepped him and counterattacked with a punch to his plexus. He went down on one knee.
I caught hold of his knife arm and ordered him to drop it.
“Drop the knife kenny!! This is your last warning”, I repeated.
He started to fidget with his other arm around his shoe. I realized he had another weapon hidden in his sock.
So before he could attempt anything else, I twisted his forearm and landed a crushing blow to his elbow. It snapped into two and he lay on the floor yelping in pain.
By this point, other people came forward to intervene and help with the situation.
As Kenny was being led away by the police, he kept staring at me with madness in his eyes.
“I am coming back for you. This is going to be the biggest regret of your life”, he yelled.
I didn’t care and started going back to my car.
Then the man who was threatened by Kenny came forward and shook my hand.
“Hi. I am Rupert. That is my son Henry”, he said.
I waved my hand at the boy and he waved back.
“I would like to thank you for what you did for me back there”, he said.
“You not only helped me maintain my dignity but also helped me save face in front of my son”, he continued.
“This means a lot to me as a dad” he said.
I nodded in acknowledgement not sure what I was to add to the conversation.
He then reluctantly asked,” Is there anything I can do to repay the favour? Please feel free to ask . Anything. I would be most grateful.”
I thought for a moment. I could see the man was wealthy.
“If it’s not too much of an ask, I would appreciate a job if available. If you feel that is difficult, no problem. Forget I asked. No worries.” I said.
He smiled back at me warmly. He reached into his pocket and handed me a card.
“Please come to my office tomorrow. We can talk” he signed off.
From that moment on, I became the personal bodyguard and chaperone of his 8 year old son Henry. We immediately hit it off and became pals. I looked after all his son’s travelling arrangements.
We would also go to McDonalds every week for his favourite Burger and fries. I later learnt that his father was a very wealthy man who made most of his money during the dot com bubble.
I also became friends with the female employee at the driveway counter who had earlier been attacked by that biker punk Kenny.
Her name was Stella and it didn’t take very long for the two of us to start dating.
With a fulfilling job and a loving girlfriend by my side, my life was finally back on track. I couldn’t be happier.
And then one day - it all came crashing.
Henry and I as usual visited the McDonalds joint and I was surprised to see Stella missing at the counter.
I asked the staff about her and they said she hadn’t turned up today.
I thought that was weird. She had stayed over at my place and I saw her leave for work in the morning.
I tried calling her number but it was unreachable.
I dropped Henry at home and headed towards Stella’s apartment.
She had given me a spare key and I opened the door with it. Everything was in its place.
I tried her number again. It remained not reachable.
I decided to go back to my apartment to check if she might be there.
When I reached the door, I could see the lock had been smashed. The door was left slightly open.
I took out my side arm and slowly entered the apartment.
I could see a life size figure of Ronald McDonald the clown sitting on my sofa.
The famous mascot was sitting cross legged with one arm resting on the backrest. Just like how he likes to sit on benches outside McDonald outlets all across the world.
I was a little taken aback, but quickly switched on the lights to take a closer look.
As I moved closer, my knees buckled under my own weight.
It was Stella. She was the one who was dressed as the clown.
There were injury marks around her neck. She had been strangled to death.
I managed to call the cops while still reeling from the shock.
I also noticed her right hand which was resting on her thigh, was close fisted. When I pried it open, there was a crumpled piece of paper inside.
It read -
“She was really begging me for mercy.
Where was soldier boy when she needed him huh?
Boo Hoo….I’m Lovin It!!
I’m Lovin it!!
Signed Yours Kenny”
I could feel a surge of anger envelop me. And yet I lay there helpless.
Had it not been for the surveillance cameras at the entrance of my home, I would have been in jail by now.
The police could clearly see Kenny carrying Stella’s body and breaking into my apartment.
They put out a nationwide notice for Kenny and he’s been on the run ever since.
Even after 2 months following Stella’s death, the police were not any closer to catching the culprit.
But I did apprise Henry’s dad of the situation. His life was also at risk after considering what happened to my girlfriend.
But our collective worry was for Henry. We didn’t want to see him suffer for no fault of his.
So I started training Henry to take his own safety seriously. I devised multiple safeguards to keep him protected while being outdoors. Always ensured that I was personally there to drop and pick him up from school.
My boss appreciated all that I was doing for his son. He knew I had taken Stella’s death hard.
He was a generous and compassionate man and I liked working for him.
Although he did notice I wasn’t my usual cheery self anymore.
One day when I was waiting at the office, he tossed the keys of his new car at me.
“This should perk you up. Take her for a spin” he said.
“And also go pick Henry up from school”, he finished as he left for a meeting.
I got down to the parking lot, and there she was … waiting. The new Bugatti Chiron.
I opened the door and took the driver’s seat. The fresh smell of the leather upholstery was already lifting my spirits.
‘Boss was right! I am perking up’, I thought to myself.
I drove around the block and stopped by McDonalds to pick up the usual order for me and Henry.
I felt a tinge of sadness when I could no longer see Stella at the counter.
Anyways, I picked the order and started my way towards school.
As I went past the restaurant, I saw an old jeep parked by the side of the road. I didn’t think much of it at that moment.
When I reached Henry’s school, I parked the car a few feet away from the entrance. A couple of minutes later, I noticed the same jeep I saw at McDonalds go past me and park 20 mts in front.
I would have never given it a second glance had I not spotted it at the restaurant.
The jeep had 3 passengers. They looked like bikers with tattoos, beard and long hair.
And then there was Kenny standing behind a tree to avoid detection. But I spotted him.
He was gesturing towards them to get ready. I could see his Harley parked just a few feet away.
They were planning some kind of ambush.
The school bell rang and the children were already out on the streets.
I could see Henry at a distance in the courtyard. He was slowly making his way towards the gate.
I immediately called him on the phone and told him to go to the Principals office and stay there. I made it clear under no circumstances was he to venture out until I gave him the all clear. He understood.
He was safe as long as he was within the school’s premises.
The next thing to do was move to another location. The children were already pouring onto the streets, and the last thing I wanted was to see a child getting hurt.
I started the car and went past the jeep before taking the next turn. I kept driving.
Few moments later, the jeep caught up with me and the driver violently swerved towards the left causing me to go off course. My car came to halt.
The guys quickly alighted from the jeep and they were all armed to the teeth.
Kenny came in his motorcycle and stopped his bike a few feet ahead of me. He took out his shotgun and had it aimed straight at my chest.
The firing started before I even had the time to react.
I instinctively ducked for cover with my eyes closed.
But in my heart, I knew my time was up!!
As the seconds went by, even with all those bullets being sent my way - my body felt strangely light.
‘Am I in heaven already?’ I thought to myself.
I slowly opened my eyes and tilted my head upwards to take a peak.
And I realized I was sitting in an armoured bullet proof car.
The entire biker gang were mad with rage, doing everything possible to penetrate that thick armour plate.
Kenny was barking orders at his gang to continue the onslaught. He then pointed his finger at me and yelled, “I am coming for you.”
I looked down at the seat next to mine and saw the takeout I had ordered.
Just to piss him off even further, I took out my Big Mac and slowly took a big bite.
I sat there in gastronomic bliss savouring my burger, while being under a continuous hail of bullets.
The firing suddenly stopped. Kenny the psycho was livid as hell - to see me have a good time.
I looked him in the eye while I took a sip of my favourite milkshake.
And then, continued to chomp on my burger.
He looked a little crestfallen at how his plan was misfiring and then frantically gestured his troops to keep at it. The firing started again.
But it didn’t last long. They eventually all ran out of ammo and his buddies began to flee the scene, as we could hear sirens at a distance.
The attack had taken a toll on the car. But it managed to withstand all that damage. All that firing.
A life saver!
I looked at Kenny again. Only one thought was running through my head now.
‘My Turn’.
I switched on the ignition and rammed the car straight into Kenny. He hit the bonnet hard while the car continued to race forward.
He was clinging on to dear life with his outstretched hands desperately clutching at the sides of the car.
Next in the demolition line, was his prized Harley Davidson.
I hit it full steam and watched it smash to smithereens - with parts scattering all across the road.
Then, I hit the brakes and Kenny was sent flying 10 feet forward.
After impact, he slowly staggered to his feet - all bloody and bruised.
His face was swollen like an apple.
He was pleading towards me with folded hands to show him mercy.
‘This is for Stella. And She’s lovin it’, I said out loud.
I hit the accelerator again.

I am 62, my wife is 58. We have both worked with our bodies most of our lives, and are in great physical shape. We have been married since youths in a high control, culty religion. We have both since left that group. I love my wife dearly, we rarely have any arguments, and get along well. I have never held the patriarchal view of woman. I always viewed her as an equal partner in all aspects of life. She gets my full attention, and respect, as she should. We are both still non denominational Christians. We have good sex more than 3 days a week. We have never defiled our marriage by stepping out, so no betrayal whatsoever, strong emotional bond between us. Our bedroom has a series of no-no's. No cunnilingus, no toys, no missionary (she panics being enclosed), no fingering her beyond 5 minutes. She likes on top, and will do doggy style, but doesn't like me looking at her asshole. Her only attempt at masturbation was falling asleep with a carrot inside her. Broke my heart when I heard about it years later. She also told me she got one of her older phones infected with porn, again years later. Never masturbated, never orgasmed. I can see the exact moment the clit rubbing is over, on her face. She says it's a panic attack/image of me touching her!? she gives oral on a regular basis, but is disgusted by the idea of me returning the favor, I have practically begged. Shit, bringing her to finish with my hand would be very satisfying to me. I don't want any other woman, only her. Even old make ego's are tender, it feels like rejection, and my feelings for her are changing. We have not been physical since I spoke my mind again on the subject nearly a week ago. I asked her "if she masturbated since the above carrot attempt". She replied "no" I opined "How can I be expected to satisfy you, if YOU don't know how to"? I said in anger "you are like a dead fish down there". She knows my touching her is a huge turn on to me, and is part of our nearly always successful forplay routine. She wants to go back to our old routine!!! I don't want to touch her vagina, it went from the most beautiful thing in the world, to a source of pure frustration and rejection. I NEED A WOMAN'S PERSPECTIVE ON THIS!

I am 62, my wife is 58. We have both worked with our bodies most of our lives, and are in great physical shape. We have been married since youths in a high control, culty religion. We have both since left that group. I love my wife dearly, we rarely have any arguments, and get along well. I have never held the patriarchal view of woman. I always viewed her as an equal partner in all aspects of life. She gets my full attention, and respect, as she should. We are both still non denominational Christians. We have good sex more than 3 days a week. We have never defiled our marriage by stepping out, so no betrayal whatsoever, strong emotional bond between us. Our bedroom has a series of no-no's. No cunnilingus, no toys, no missionary (she panics being enclosed), no fingering her beyond 5 minutes. She likes on top, and will do doggy style, but doesn't like me looking at her asshole. Her only attempt at masturbation was falling asleep with a carrot inside her. Broke my heart when I heard about it years later. She also told me she got one of her older phones infected with porn, again years later. Never masturbated, never orgasmed. I can see the exact moment the clit rubbing is over, on her face. She says it's a panic attack/image of me touching her!? she gives oral on a regular basis, but is disgusted by the idea of me returning the favor, I have practically begged. Shit, bringing her to finish with my hand would be very satisfying to me. I don't want any other woman, only her. Even old make ego's are tender, it feels like rejection, and my feelings for her are changing. We have not been physical since I spoke my mind again on the subject nearly a week ago. I asked her "if she masturbated since the above carrot attempt". She replied "no" I opined "How can I be expected to satisfy you, if YOU don't know how to"? I said in anger "you are like a dead fish down there". She knows my touching her is a huge turn on to me, and is part of our nearly always successful forplay routine. She wants to go back to our old routine!!! I don't want to touch her vagina, it went from the most beautiful thing in the world, to a source of pure frustration and rejection. I NEED A WOMAN'S PERSPECTIVE ON THIS!

There are some kinds of wisdom only great suffering can bring. I remember my time in the Bardo with this in mind, for otherwise, the memory might drive me insane.
The night my heart stopped for nearly three minutes started off normally enough. I was working as a nurse in the psychiatric ward at a hospital in the state’s capital. Most of the patients there were harmless, mostly just suicide attempts or people suffering from drug psychosis or severe depression, but some were actively dangerous and certainly psychopathic in every sense of the word. The new admission was one of these- a three-hundred pound black man with a long history of smoking PCP, schizophrenia and violent, psychotic breaks from reality.
His eyes looked like flat pieces of slate as I walked in for my shift. They looked as blank and emotionless as the eyes of a doll. He sat at the table in the front room where the patients ate or played cards, alone under the bright fluorescent lights of the hospital. I walked to the station, where another psychiatric nurse named Ricardo was sitting behind the desk.
“What’s the deal with the new guy?” I asked him. Ricardo looked up, his dark Spanish face forming into a deep scowl. He ran his fingers through his jet-black hair nervously.
“He’s trouble, man,” he said in a crisp accent. “He got in a chase with the police and then punched some cops in the face. It took three guys to take him down, even after he got maced and tased. The judge sent him here on a temporary court order, since he claims he’s been getting chased by Nazis in UFOs, and that’s why he ran from the cops. He thought the cops in their uniforms were actually the SS, and the helicopters were alien spacecraft, or something. I don’t know, I didn’t listen to the whole story.”
“You have his file?” I asked. Ricardo leafed through a stack of folders with his thin fingers, snatching one out and handing it to me. I looked down, reading the information:
“Jeremiah Brown, black male, 37-years-old.
“History: Polysubstance abuse, schizophrenia, antisocial personality disorder.
“Psychiatrist’s note: This patient has scored a 36 out of 40 on the Hare Psychopathy Checklist. While I am always hesitant to label a patient as an antisocial personality, a combination of factors has made it essential for this patient.
“Patient has an extensive criminal history as well as a lengthy history of involuntary psychiatric admissions. He has been diagnosed as having antisocial traits since he was a young teenager. Patient has a long history of violence and suicide attempts. He has a history of imprisonment for manslaughter, armed robbery, grand theft and aggravated assault. Upon discharge, he refuses to take any antipsychotic medication, citing the side effects as the reason. Long-term prognosis is poor…”
I had not been sleeping well the past few weeks. I rubbed my eyes as I read through the file, feeling exhausted. I tried putting on lucid dreaming or meditation music from YouTube to help me sleep, but whenever I closed my eyes, I saw horrible things: chalk-white female faces whose lips were cut into an insane rictus grin, flicking their heads violently from side to side and gnashing their fangs at the air. I had a feeling that many years of constantly watching horror movies and serial killer documentaries was catching up with me.
As I read through the file, a student nurse came around the corner wearing a white state university outfit and a name tag that said Kaitlyn. I looked up, seeing Ricardo wink at me from where he was sitting in his chair behind the main desk.
“She’s going to follow you,” he said. Inwardly, I groaned, but I managed to force a smile.
“Oh, great!” I said. She looked like she was probably no older than nineteen or twenty. She had a pretty body, but her face looked strange. All the angles were too sharp and her nose too large. I knew the patients here wouldn’t care, though. They would hit on anything. I sensed trouble. I looked down at my watch.
“Well, I’m Jay, and you already know Ricardo, I guess. It’s good timing, because we need to give medications every day at 9 PM. And we have a new patient, so we can introduce ourselves,” I said, giving her a faint smile.
“That’s exciting!” Kaitlyn whispered. I wanted to roll my eyes. It was definitely not exciting.
I motioned her to follow me as I made my way to the medication room, which was really just a large closet off of the main day room. I had to enter my code on a keypad, and then, once inside, enter it again along with the patient’s number and date of birth. The correct drawers for the medication in each specific dose would fly open, making it extremely hard for the wrong medications or doses to be given, unless it was done intentionally.
“OK, so for this patient, we need Haldol, Ativan and…” I began saying to Kaitlyn when the yelling started. It came out faintly, rising in volume and anger within seconds. I heard Ricardo’s Spanish voice, filled with panic. Something slammed hard against a wall, once, twice, three times, and then I heard the sound of glass breaking. I jumped, spinning around, but I couldn’t see much through the small, shatter-proof glass pane on the wooden door.
“Stay here,” I commanded, seeing Kaitlyn’s eyes widen, her freckled skin looking much paler than when we had first come in. “Don’t leave until I come back and say that it’s safe.” On the speakers strung throughout the hospital, I heard the first of the warnings echo out around us.
“Doctor Strong, Doctor Strong, please report to the seventh floor,” a robotic female voice said calmly, using the code for when a patient had to be subdued by force. I pushed the door open, slamming it shut behind me so that the lock would activate and protect Kaitlyn from whatever chaos was going on.
I heard Ricardo pleading with someone at the end of the hallway that ran past the main desk. He sounded strange, as if he were trying to talk through a mouthful of blood. Huddled behind the main computer, I saw one of the CNAs frantically whispering something in the phone. She must have been the one to call the Dr. Strong order.
“You don’t have to do this, man,” Ricardo gurgled faintly. I couldn’t see what was happening, as Jeremiah’s large body was blocking my view. I could see that the thick glass window at the end of the hallway was broken, however. My heart skipped a beat as I surmised what was likely happening.
I sprinted forward as quietly as I could, but the large man heard me. His massive body turned, his flat, dead eyes scanning me with absolute coldness and calm. I saw he had a bleeding Ricardo in his hands. Ricardo’s back and head were covered in deep cuts and shards of glass. He must have used Ricardo’s body as a battering ram to break the thick glass window. Jeremiah held Ricardo suspended halfway out the window, seven floors above the concrete walkways far below.
“Stay back, or this fucker will know what it feels like to fly,” Jeremiah said in a deep, gravelly voice. He shook Ricardo for emphasis, sending his head snapping back and forth with painful cracking sounds. Drops of blood flew from his nose and a deep gash across his cheek. Pieces of shattered glass littered the carpet, shining like countless tiny stars.
I put my hands up, taking a step back. Far behind me, I heard the front door for the psychiatric ward open. Voices echoed down the hall. Knowing that reinforcements were coming, I tried to buy some time.
“Let’s talk about this,” I said, taking a step forward slowly. “You don’t want a murder charge, do you? You’ll never see the sky again.”
“I don’t give a fuck! I’m not afraid to die!” Jeremiah screamed, pushing Ricardo onto one of the shards of broken glass still attached to the windowsill. It bit deeply into the back of his neck, sending fresh streams of blood rushing out, dripping down to the pavement far below. I heard security guards and doctors running down the hallway behind me, their voices frantic and excited. Jeremiah saw them coming. With an animalistic panic in his eyes, he lifted Ricardo up. I cried out something, stepping forward, but it was already too late. In horror, I watched as he threw Ricardo out the window.
I watched Ricardo’s body soar in a graceful arc, his arms grabbing at empty air as a scream ripped its way out of his throat. Within a fraction of a second, he had disappeared from view, but his terrified shrieking floated up to us for what seemed like a very long time. His screams ended abruptly as a shattering of bones and a wet smacking sound exploded far below us.
Jeremiah turned to me, his large body moving much faster than seemed possible. In his hand, I saw a piece of broken glass, five or six inches long and as sharp as a dagger. I tried to turn and run, but he was fast and strong. He lunged forward, his arm coming up in a blur towards my neck.
The shard entered my skin with a cold, numbing pain. I felt it slice through the flesh easily, felt the blood bubbling up my throat as I tried to scream, choking. The taste of iron filled my mouth as I fell backwards. I was suffocating, I knew. I must be dying.
Something cold ran down my body, gripping my heart like freezing, skeletal hands. The world swam around me and turned black. And then I was rising into a tunnel. At first, it was dark, filled with flickering shadows, but a fiery red light appeared at the end. I followed it, no more than a screaming mass of consciousness rising up into infinity.
***
I rose up through the end of the tunnel and found myself in an empty hospital ward. It looked identical to the psychiatric ward I had just come from. It even had the same smashed, blood-streaked window at the end of the hallway. A massive puddle of blood about ten feet away marked the spot where I must have died. But the fluorescent lights overhead here were flickering, and many had gone totally dark. The shadows seemed to press in on all sides.
The doors to the patients’ rooms were all tightly shut. I felt watched, afraid to call out or make any noise. I started walking down the hallway back towards the day room where the front desk was. All the lights there were out. A thick curtain of shadows hung in the air.
“You can come out,” a male voice as smooth as glass called from the darkness. I jumped, my head flicking in random directions, but I saw nothing. The voice almost sounded like it had an English lilt to it, a slight Cockneyed accent. “I know you’re there.”
“Who’s there?” I called out, not stepping forward. “Show yourself.”
“As you wish…” the voice hissed. “But I think you’ll regret it.”
***
The darkness split apart as if a nuclear missile had exploded. I raised my hand to shield my face, but the light and heat kept pouring out all around me. It blinded me, causing a rainbow of colors and shapes to morph behind my closed eyelids. After a few seconds, it subsided. Blinking rapidly, I squinted in the direction the voice had come from.
A male figure stood there, bathed in a silhouette of light. His face looked as white and as smooth as marble. His eyes were pits of darkness that seemed to flicker and burn. Two black, rotted wings surrounded his body, all sharp angles and thin, curving bones. His body was clothed in silky, blood-red robes, and a hood covered his platinum blonde hair.
He looked somewhat similar to Leonardo DiCaprio, if he was possessed by some ancient god, and it immediately threw me off-guard. If I was dying, and this was a hallucination of my brain, why would I be hallucinating Mr. DiCaprio?
“Who are you?” I asked, taking a hesitant step back. “Where am I?”
“My name is Lucifer, the Bringer of Light and Wisdom, and you are in the Bardo,” he answered.
“Oh,” I said, my heart dropping. “Well, that’s not good. Are you here to torture me or drag to me to Hell or something? You are that Lucifer, right? The Accuser of God and the Father of All Lies?”
“So they say, but, like most things in your world, the words of the powerful and your rulers are the true lies. They call me the Accuser, but of what am I accused?” he spoke in a voice that rose like smoke. “Of bringing knowledge and wisdom to humanity by telling them to eat from the tree of knowledge, the tree that would cause them to rise above the animals?
“Indeed, at the beginning, I saw the creation. I was there at the alpha, standing by the side of God with all the angels as the universe came into being. The endless procession of light, the power of it, was something remarkable to behold. God is, indeed, the source of great power, but his consciousness is not what the believers say.
“After the creation of the universe, I saw his plan, how he ripped eternal souls from the source to imprison them. I saw how he took these divine sparks and forced them, screaming and wailing, into bodies made of meat to die over and over again. He said it was part of the plan, the great, divine plan, a plan of death and destruction, constant suffering and mindless agony. And the worst part was, he wanted to give humanity neither the knowledge of good and evil, nor the tree of life. I convinced them to eat the fruit so they could open their eyes to their nakedness, to their basic animal existence, so they could rise up out of it forever.
“Like Prometheus, I brought down the fire, and yet they call me the Accuser? God was insane long before he formed the universe. These holy men, they live and die in fanatical adoration to a divine being who is, in fact, totally indifferent to them.
“His consciousness twists and distorts, eating itself for all eternity. God feeds off the pain of others, for if his mind is burning, then all others should burn as well. When these holy men die, God will send their souls here to the Bardo, to suffer every evil they have ever done. The wisdom I brought those who called upon me freed them from this prison, and in exchange, the holy men burned them alive. I offered the wisdom that opens your eyes, but it has been forgotten and cursed.”
Lucifer’s body began to dissolve, drifting up into the air like ashes. All around me, a low, powerful current blew, a tornado that spiraled high up into the clouds. Like some sort of Cheshire Cat, his smooth voice continued to echo all around me, even as the form of Lucifer disappeared.
“And yet, you have not the wisdom. For that, like all the others who enter the Bardo, you must suffer, everything you’ve done. Every small hurt and agony inflicted on others comes back a thousand-fold in this place, but don’t be afraid.”
“How could I not be afraid?!” I screamed into the ward, but I found myself alone, the question hanging unanswered in the air.
***
The lights continued to flicker all down the hallway. Feeling strange and dissociated, I stumbled over to one of the windows. As I gazed out, I beheld a strange and alien world.
The sky was flat and gray. It stayed in constant motion, swirling and spiraling, like clouds of roiling smoke. There was no Sun or Moon, no stars, only the strange, shifting whorls of clouds. The streets were filled with burned-out husks of cars and mummified bodies hung from streetlamps. Other signs of carnage and bloodshed covered the apocalyptic streets. I saw what looked like shadows in the shape of people slinking through over the sidewalks, past rotting dogs and streaks of clotted blood. They had no features on their blank, dark bodies. They seemed to skitter and jerk forwards in eerie, twisting motions.
Horrified, I turned away, realizing I was no longer alone in the day room. In the day room, there were dozens of tables set up inside a rectangular perimeter that was walled in by cosmetic walls only four feet high. It was where the patients sat and played games or ate.
Under the flickering lights, I now saw each of the chairs filled with faceless mannequins. Many were dressed in Victorian suits and tophats. The women had frilly dresses of pink and blue that might have been fashionable in the 1800s.
As the lights strobed on and off overhead, I realized with an increasing sense of disquiet that the mannequins were moving each time it went dark. When I had first seen them, they were mostly posed to look like they were staring across the tables at each other, even though they had no eyes, just smooth, flesh-colored plastic. Now all of them were looking directly at me. Some were pointing or raising their hands in my direction. At the tips of their fingers, I saw the glittering of steel. The lights continued to flicker, and the mannequins rose from their chairs in the short periods of darkness, moving towards me in synchronized, strobing motions.
Frantically, I ran down the hallway back towards the broken window. In each of the rooms, I caught glimpses of something from a nightmare peeking out. I hadn’t been sleeping well lately, and when I had closed my eyes, I often saw ancient hags with chalk-white skin and yellowed, broken teeth whose jaws unhinged, their faces jerking in stuttering, dissonant ways that reminded me of the mannequins. Now, on both sides of me, I saw these same figures. They moved continuously out of the rooms, drawing closer with every breath.
I looked back, seeing the mannequins only a few steps behind me. I continued sprinting towards the broken window where the hallway ended in a wall. I didn’t know what would happen when I reached it. At that moment, there was no rational thought. I felt like a deer being chased down by a pack of wolves, feeling waves of blind panic and mortal terror rushing through my body.
But as I reached the end of the hallway, the end of my rope as it were, a blast of noise started, seeming to come from the walls of the building and the sky itself. It sounded like a siren, a low, drawn-out drone of a demonic whale call, rising and falling in crashing crescendos. The mannequins froze in place once again. The strange, witch-like creatures slunk back into the dark rooms.
I looked outside the broken window, seeing clouds of black smoke rising off in the distance. The flickering of massive infernos scorched the land, drawing nearer by the second. The siren sound faded slowly, like the dying echoes of a gong.
I was surrounded by dozens of mannequins. Their sharp hands were inches away from my face and neck. I saw metal glittering all around me and realized they had the sharp points of nails protruding from the ends of their fingers. I was afraid to move, but I heard a familiar voice from down the hallway. It was the confident voice of Lucifer.
“The siren means much worse nightmares than these are coming in the Bardo,” he said, his glossy, black eyes flashing with intelligence. He walked slowly towards me, his face grim and pale. “Hell itself is coming over the land. This building is no more than a construction of your dying mind, but the world outside is real.”
“How can Hell come and go?” I asked, confused. “Isn’t Hell a place?”
“Hell is a monster, a beast with many mouths and many eyes,” Lucifer responded. “It eats constantly, but its hunger never ends. Look, the first of the sacrifices scatter like cockroaches.” He pointed out the broken window, pushing his way through the mannequins effortlessly. I glanced outside, seeing thousands of people sprinting down the dark city streets. The inferno and thick clouds of smoke had moved much closer, and every few seconds, the ground shook slightly, as if we were experiencing the aftershocks of an earthquake.
“What can I do against such a beast?” I asked, my heart freezing with terror. But when I looked back over, I saw his form dissolving again, becoming translucent and drifting away like ashes. It seemed even Lucifer didn’t want to be present when the Hell-beast arrived.
“Seek divine wisdom,” he said, his voice trailing off into whispers. “Remember the source.”
***
Now crowds of tens of thousands of people were streaming into the city, filling every single inch of the streets. Their panic and fear was contagious. I felt it rising inside my body like a snake spiraling up my spine. I took off down the hallway, running through the swarm of frozen mannequins, each in their own ferocious position of attack. The lights flickered faster and went out. Yet the fires outside cast the entire world in a bloody glow, giving me enough light to see by and find my way. I sprinted down the stairwell, taking them two steps at a time. The screaming outside grew louder and more pain-filled. The shaking of the ground worsened with every passing second.
I burst out of the front entrance, seeing a world on fire all around me. Thousands of crushed, bleeding and burned bodies stretched out as far as the eye could see. Behind all this chaos and death, I saw a monster of unimaginable proportions slinking its way towards me.
Lucifer was right, I realized: Hell was not a place, but a creature, an enormous monster the size of a town. It had thousands of skittering, jointed legs that looked like little more than skeletal arms and hands, each of them dozens of feet long and white as freshly-cut marble. Its body stretched out to the horizon, an enormous blood-red cylinder of bony plates that slithered and undulated with a serpentine grace. Waves of peristalsis traveled down its length, like writhing intestines. Thousands of curving, bony spikes stabbed out of it, pointing in every direction. Like the quills of a porcupine, it would protect the massive creature’s body from many forms of attack, if anything was big enough to attack such an abomination.
Hell’s massive eyes flickered, balls of fire that spun and danced. They looked as bright as the Sun. Something like solar flares seemed to emanate from the orbs, flashes of blinding energy that floated over the apocalyptic wasteland. As its many legs smashed the ground, they left trails of fire that caused everything to explode into flames as if napalm dripped from its limbs.
But Hell’s most terrifying feature was its seven dark mouths. Its body looked a thousand feet wide, and the mouths at the front were evenly dispersed. At the front, blood-red teeth in the shape of enormous railroad spikes shone. Its lipless, skeletal face grinned as it moved forward, shaking the ground with every step. The mouths were on long, snake-like necks that could stretch out hundreds of feet. They moved forward in a blur, snapping up as many panicked souls as they could.
Countless souls in the rocky plains of the Bardo ran for their lives, away from this juggernaut. I saw men and women who looked like they came from every country and profession, some dressed in suits or spotless white lab coats, others wearing rags or orange prison jumpsuits. And yet, they all screamed in agony and fear here, their bodies pressed together in a crowd, and no one seemed to remember anything but their own mortal terror. Their voices came out faint and weak next to the roaring of Hell. It shook the ground all around us, as if an earthquake were tearing the land apart.
The first frantic runners of the surging crowd had nearly reached me. The nearest person, a young woman in her mid-twenties dressed in all white, was only ten feet behind me. She looked like she came from wealth, and even from here, I could see a ring with a massive diamond gleaming on her finger.
I took off blindly down the familiar streets of the city where I worked and lived, but these also seemed different. The church down the street from the hospital where I worked had a Satanic pentagram instead of a cross now, its exterior painted a bright, gleaming blood-red. When I had driven past it today on my way to work, I remember it read, “JESUS said, ‘I am the Way, the Truth and the Life. No one comes to the Father except through Me.’”
Now it read, “Nietzsche said, ‘Of all evil, I deem you capable. I have often laughed at the weaklings who thought themselves good simply because they had no claws.’” I wondered what that meant. Was that some sort of comment on me, on all of us here?
The woman I had seen running had caught up with me. She was fast, much faster than her slim body suggested. Her blue eyes were frantic and wild, filled with an animal panic.
“It’s right behind us!” she screamed, her face covered in a sheen of sweat. I was afraid to turn and look, but I could hear the chaos and bloodshed approaching, smell the flames and choking smoke. “Run! Get away!”
A new wave of energy surged through my body. I sprinted as fast I could down the strange mirror streets of the Bardo. I heard the agonized cries of countless souls behind us as the seven mouths of Hell ate them all greedily and then looked for more.
A skyscraper behind us collapsed into a pile of rubble, shaking the ground with a cacophony of falling concrete and shattering glass. The woman was running by my side. Just as I heard the breathing of something huge and predatory right behind us and smelled its sulfuric breath, a piece of concrete the size of a basketball broke off the collapsing skyscraper and flew into the road. I tripped over it, yelling as I flew through the air, skinning my arms and legs on the pavement. The woman’s eyes widened. Hurriedly, she came over and reached down her hand, trying to help me up.
“Come on, come on!” she cried. I looked behind her, seeing one of the gnashing mouths of Hell reaching forward on a blood-red, serpentine neck. The mouth was big enough to drive a tractor trailer into, filled with huge spikes of teeth. Its throat led into a black, smoke-filled abyss. Its fiery eyes were swirling pools of flickering orange light that shone with bloodlust and insanity. They focused on the woman, the entire head turning on its slithering neck.
I frantically raised my hand, intertwining my fingers with hers. Her hand was warm and soft. She started to pull me to my feet when the mouth of Hell snapped forward. Its jaw unhinged, scraping the pavement with a sound like grinding metal. The woman barely had time to turn as the mouth covered her and snapped shut with a crack.
She disappeared from view instantly, but I was still holding her hand. In horror, I felt warm rivers of blood explode all over my body as the mouth of Hell severed her arm at the wrist. She screamed, bleeding and crying, as she disappeared into the throat of Hell. Hell’s fiery eyes focused on me, and at that moment, I knew I was next. Its mouth opened wide again, like a bear trap ready to spring on a new victim.
It was dark in Hell’s mouth, but I smelled the thick reek of old blood and fire. I caught glimpses of tortured, mutilated bodies writhing and crawling down its throat. Shell-shocked, I could only lay there and watch. And that was when the strange doubling started.
***
I heard the frantic voices of men break through the fog of darkness and the fetid reek of blood. There was a mechanical beeping all around me, but I couldn’t tell where it was coming from.
“Clear!” one cried. I looked around, only seeing blackness. At that moment, I felt a surge of electricity rip itself through my body. My arms and legs all seized and my eyes rolled up in my head as the pain sizzled through each one of my nerves. I clutched the young woman’s hand tightly, feeling the large, gold ring with the massive diamond biting into my skin.
“Again!” another voice yelled.
“Clear!” the original voice cried. The electricity came again, and a flash of white light flew across my vision. I blinked, seeing from two sets of eyes at the same time: one in the Bardo, and one on the blood-stained floor of the hospital ward.
The Bardo stayed dark and sinister, but the clear white lights of the real psychiatric ward were blinding. It was a bizarre experience. Moreover, everything hurt. Over a few seconds, my vision of the Bardo faded, and I was simply a gravely injured man laying on the floor in a puddle of blood.
Four doctors and paramedics were crouching over me with a defibrillator. My shirt was ripped off, and nearly all of my skin was covered in blood. I raised my left hand, trying to talk, but only a fiery pain raced through my neck. I felt bandages covering my skin. A nurse was rolling a stretcher down the hallway towards me.
“It’s OK,” one of the doctors said, kneeling down. “You’re being taken to emergency surgery. You’ve lost a lot of blood.” I wanted to say something, but I couldn’t talk with the massive slice in my neck.
At that moment, I felt something in my right hand. I looked down, seeing a slim female hand with a massive diamond ring hanging there. Our fingers were wrapped around each other’s, but the hand had been cut off at the wrist. A ragged patch of bloody flesh and snapped bone poked out of the back.
“Nnnn,” I tried to say, shaking my head. I felt fresh streams of warm blood open up. “No…” The doctors looked down, seeing the dismembered hand. Their faces morphed into expressions of confusion and fear.
I closed my eyes as they lifted me up on the stretcher. One of them gently removed the cold hand from my fingers. But they could never remove the memory of what I had seen.
I know what happens after death, and it makes the worst life here seem like a dream. I know that, one day, I’ll be returned to that place. I know that, one day, I’ll see that great monster called Hell and the featureless, swirling sky of the Bardo again.
And the next time, I won’t wake up on a hospital floor, but will be trapped there with the others for eternity: an eternity of blood and fire.

Inspired to tell this story by the recent post about the boomer hoa gang (lmao)
A bit of context: I'm a technician for a large ISP. We are currently conducting walk outs in preparation for some large scale upgrades in the area. This involves measuring the main line, checking all taps, line extenders, etc., in order to update our plant maps. In an area with underground utilities, this means I'm walking from pedestal to pedestal measuring the distance between and annotating what's inside.
Near the end of my day earlier this week, I find myself in a newer condo community. Ugly as sin in overly manicured way; no trees, no fences, just uniform homes and open empty lawns. Made my job ten times easier though so I was pretty thrilled. I do encounter a few home owners along the way (it's around 5pm on a Monday at this point), but they're all super pleasant and I'm happy to give a quick explanation to the curious ones.
I'm about to finish up the neighborhood, maybe about 10 pedestals left, when I notice a boomer woman staring daggers at me from her back porch in the direction that I'm walking / measuring. I give her a tired smile and say hello, but she says nothing so I shrug it off and focus on the next ped. As I walk past her, she hits me with "What do you think you're doing?" partly joking, partly accusatory. Not wanting to get into a whole thing with her, I just say "oh, just workin'" in a customer service voice. She chuckles and mumbles something too quiet for me to make out. Whatever, back to work.
I finish at a pedestal right at the edge of the neighborhood. Give my map a quick glance to make sure I didn't miss anything, close up the ped and start making a bee line to the neighboring apartment complex. As I cross the street, I hear someone behind me trying to get my attention. I turn around and see a different boomer woman coming at me through the yards waving me down. Fuck.
I give a half hearted smile and say hello. She looks at the ground and continues to trudge towards me. Eventually, she reaches me.
MP for madame president, CB for cable boi:
MP: "I'm Debbie, I'm the president of the home owners association."
CB: "Ok."
confused pause
MP: "And you are?"
CB: "I'm *, I work for *" (said while covered in hi-vis gear with company logo)
second pause
MP: "Well what are you doing here?"
CB: (admittedly a bit exasperated; it's been a long day.) "Just conducting a line audit. Updating some maps."
MP: (cue condescending smirk) "Well i just had to know. What's your buisness is my buisness, and what's my buisness is your buisness."
CB: (Too tired to get into a civics lesson) "Alrighty then." (Turn around and continue to fuck off over the horizon)
MP: (needing the last word, I guess?) "That's ok!"
I genuinely feel bad for some of these people. I don't think I could ever even live in a neighborhood with an hoa (especially one so strict), but to chair one? And how desperate for a feeling of power do you need to be to introduce yourself as the president of the board to a random utility worker? Gross.

I don't know if any of you has felt this way: You don't like everything about a movie ( material and technique wise), but it just stuck with you and made a huge impact on you. A ghost story, to me, is exactly that. There are three scenes that absolutely dislike: 1. The super long intimate scene at the beginning 2. The kid pulled out a toy gun scene 3. The party scene, especially the man talking. What he says is absolutely in line with the theme of the film, but i just don't like the execution.
For number 1, i don't hate Long shot / single take shot. For instance, i absolutely love the pie scene. That's one of the most unique way to depict grief. However, this one just doesn't appeal me
As for 2, 3. The film progresses in a very subtle and quiet way, which i had no issue with, in fact absolutely love it. But for 2 and 3, they just don't really fit the tone of the movie.
Despite some gripes about the choices in the movie, it just left such a huge impact on me. The song "i am overwhelmed" is so fucking awesome and genuine, while the scene when M was listening to that song after the death cutting back to the time when C composed the song and shared it with M is absolutely magnificent, one of the best single movie scenes I've ever seen, along with the pie scene.
We are just some negligible presence in this non-stop time loop. Time passes, things go by, but our memory for someone or something will stay forever, etching inside our heart, but they will never become reality. ( Although we don't get to see what's on the note, i personally think M said something like i will not come back, that's why C is so desperate.)
As a horror fan mostly, i like to switch things up with a heavy and emotional and meaningful drama every now and then. Those films are actually the ones tormenting and traumatizing me ( but i like these feelings,they are just so relatable). Horrors are actually my way to alleviate and relax.
I rated it a 4/5 with a like on letterboxd, the ♥️ is for the impact it left on me, a minus one is for my dislike of some of the scenes and decisions in the film.

*Please do not join if you just want to hookup. I prefer if we vibe with the music, talk, connect with each other, and ya' know, enjoy to the dancefloor ^^
Resident here, 28M Call Time: 21:00 - 21:30 pm, JST Meetup Spot: Shibuya Station (Within Hachiko area, for all intents and purposes)
I'm willing to adopt 3 to 5 people (Already established groups are also welcome) - Just Comment and I'll try to DM you. (I'll try to finalize things by 17:00 pm in our DMs)
About Me: 5 year resident of Osaka, used to go clubbing 2-3 times a week with my friend's crew. Now, here in Tokyo because the grass is greener on the other side (￥￥￥￥￥￥) . Have strong alchohol tolerance. Never been featured in a Shibuya Meltdown viral video.
My Music Preference on a Night Out: Hip-hop . Don't worry, I also vibe to 90s and early 2000s Anisongs during my free time.
Important Reminders & Notes: PLEASE BRING A VALID ID WITH YOUR BIRTHDATE AND PHOTO. 1. Tourists - Bring your Passport at all times

2. Residents - Do not forget your Residence Card, Driver's License, or etc.

Budget not including your transport : *Varies to how much alchohol you are willing to chug First 2 hours: JPY 2,000 3-4 hours: 4,000 to 10,000 JPY

Be a homie till next morning: 8,000 JPY to 20,000 JPY

Dress Code: ↳Bouncers and Receptionists may check you down top, so please do not come in flip flops o your fave shirt (with obvious holes) on the day itself. Also, if you come in wearing your favourite anime T-shirt freshly bought from COSPA, high chance you will be rejected. No Cap.

↳Baiscally, do not wear tacky clothing.

The Flow: During a friday night out, I spend clubbing or going to bars till the sun shines, so usually from 9pm to 5am, next morning. You are free to leave at any time or be my partnes in crime till the sun shines.
On a nightout in Shibuya, I always prioritize going to Neverland Tokyo for the best deal in town. ↳ Opens 20:00 pm , we spend 1 to 2 hours here depending on the crowd & vibe ・With only 1,200 JPY for the gents and free entry for the ladies ・If you enter before 24:00 - Free food and Drinks till 24:00 , Otherwise you only get 1 drink stub
After vibing, getting to know each other, and setting the mood of our night, we can start club hopping. You may google other clubs and its rates in advance such as: Atom (near Neverland), Harlem (also near Neverland), Ce La Vi (Strict Dresscode, high chance being our 2nd destination), TK NIGHTCLUB, WOMB, club asia, camelot, or etc. After clubhopping 2 to 3 clubs, we may also settle hanging out inside a bar and just spend the rest of our night there.

About the Music: Differs from the DJ performing but my most consistent experience of club hopping 4-5 clubs a night are: Mainstream JP Club Music not limited to POP(Never ending 2008-2015 music), House & EDM, a bit of Reggae(cycled within 3 Bob Marley Songs), electro, and random JP Rap/Hip-hop songs that only the locals can vibe (You'll know this part when all the young ones can sing the lyrics like you with Rap God)
JP tier Hip-hop is played but only well-known artists such as Lil Wayne, Snoop Dogg, and etc. But the top Hip-hop artists by these JP Clubs are "Drake" and "Bruno Mars". ※Hearing a song from Black Hippy, Dreamville, and etc. is as rare as your deadbeat dad returning with not one but three jugs of milk and an expired coupon from Applebees.
On a side note: Its a golden rule in JP Clubs that DJs will play is Wiz Khalifa's "See you again" during closing time at 5am. Also, I bet with my heart and soul that "Macarena" by Los del Rio will be played when the DJs don't know what to do next.

If things go smooth, I can start hosting this twice or once a month. (I'm personally planning to visit 10AK Tokyo on my next night out)

If you got any questions, just comment and I'll try to answer

Editing because I can’t fix title: episodes that mimic Hypoglycemic episodes but sugar levels are normal—what questions can I ask?
I’m 23F, AFAB I have atypical Cystic Fibrosis, I’m pancreatic sufficient, and no CFRD. for the past 2-3 years I’ve been having episodes that seem to mimic postprandial hypoglycemia but my levels are always above 70. I’ve had a few fasting readings that are 67-69 but I don’t have any symptoms then. The symptoms start within an hour or so of eating and my levels will be 70-80 but get to 100ish 3-4 hours after eating, which does make me nervous that something insulin related is going on. My blood pressure is normal but tends to be on the low side as well.
The episodes mostly correspond with the 7-12 days before my period but it’s not uncommon for them to happen outside of that range. The symptoms are: - high heart rate (130-150) even if at rest (resting heart rate when I’m not having an episode is 60-70 range - shaking - sweating - confusion (including slurring/stammering and switching words around) - weird tingly rising feeling inside - mouth tastes like sand/ash regardless of food or drink - pallor - certain edges blur in my vision; like where the walls meet the ceiling or floors - more frequent urination with lower output - chills
There are a few things that don’t happen every time I have an episode but have happened more than once: - Pain behind eyes - intense headache that disappears quickly
I’ve tried adjusting my diet in every way I can think of (and GI and nutrition have suggested) and nothing really seems to have an impact. Drinking sugar during/after an episode does help a bit but not by much.
My CF team seems to kind of be at a loss. All of my bloodwork is normal, weight and PFTs are fine. They’re sending me to a gynecologist because of how the episodes tend to correspond with my period. I am also seeing my PCP to get my heart checked soon.
Meds: Bupropion 450 (had been on this for about 2 years before any of these symptoms started) Levalbuterol (10+ years) Trikafta (3 years ish) Mirena iud, placed fall 2019
Vitamins Women’s one a day 2000 iu d3
Other diagnoses: PTSD/CPTSD (incest/rape trauma related, not sure how relevant that it is but I’m trying to be more detailed than not ) Major depression General anxiety Insomnia (PTSD related)
Psych meds I’ve tried a while ago but didn’t help: - Zoloft (brain fog was way worse) - lexapro (would not stay in my system, to put it politely) - latuda (didn’t do anything)
I edited my post on cysticfibrosis after someone recommended I post here,so this part isn’t over there but —one of the things that’s getting truly untenable for me is brain fog/confusion. Since fall 2020 I’ve struggled a lot with brain fog and since it started with PTSD related events my doctors and I have been assuming it to be a mental health thing but I’m not that sure anymore.
The confusion is definitely worse during the episodes I described (and affects stuff like where I walk around and what I put down where, for example, putting my phone in a fridge or not being able to find my car) But day to day—I’m forgetting words and sentences almost immediately after thinking them. My mental health has improved a lot on Wellbutrin but I can’t tell if it’s improved the brain fog at all or just improved the other symptoms like low energy and the can’t get out of bed heaviness.
My major involves a lot of writing and the same assignments that would take me a few several hour sessions, if that, I haven’t been able to complete. I’ve spent 12 hours on essays (with only meal breaks and things like that) with about a paragraph to show for it — but what I can get out never quite matches what I’m thinking. I almost constantly have the feeling of having a word on the tip of my tongue, especially when trying to write. The things I think of seem to float away before I can keep them in my head long enough to write them down. I was supposed to graduate 3 years ago and I’ve been one full time semester’s worth of classes for these past three years because I just can’t get it done. The majority of my depression symptoms that remain have to do with the stress and feelings behind not having finished school despite being so close. On the whole though, my mental health is in the best place it’s been in pretty much my entire life And the other symptoms have improved drastically.
Last note on the day to day brain fog/confusion: I don’t switch words around when I’m not having an episode—but I have been noticing that 0-5 times a day (I can’t say for sure that it happens daily without fail but it definitely happens several times a week) that I do slur sometimes when talking? The beginnings and ends of words will just sort of smush together . This is a relatively recent development (in the last 8 months maybe?) don’t know if that’s normal person stuttering kind of thing but combined with the writing stuff it irks me more than it normally would)
I feel like a lot of these symptoms could be literally anything so I don’t know how to go about narrowing it down.
I have a check up appointment soon and I wanted to see if anyone has any suggestions for other questions or specific testing requests that I can ask my doctors for to help figure this out.
Thank you!

(continuation of part 3)
Since Fatal Calling is all about Cloud facing his past and his origins, Tifa’s musical theme is most appropriate for the ending cutscene. For all of these reasons, Tifa’s theme is absolutely appropriate for the conclusion of Fatal Calling. It makes a lot of sense then that once Cloud has finished revisiting the past and vanishes with the crystal to find his Promised Land, Tifa’s theme stops and Aerith’s theme begins.
There’s a lot to be said about Sephiroth in Fatal Calling. Sephiroth feeds off of despair, and deems Palamecia’s suffering inadequate: he seeks a much greater source of power than this realm. He states that Palamecia isn’t “the world that was promised to [him]”, referencing his desire to become the god of his core world of FFVII:

“Sephiroth: Melding with the planet, I will cease to exist as I am now only to be reborn as a ‘god’ to rule over every soul” (FFVII OG, disk 1, chapter 25).

Sephiroth’s line “Now, let us return [Cloud]. Back to the Promised Land” reveals he wants to return to their shared core world of FFVII, like we established in our review of the Remake timelines theory (see section “I. a) vii.”). Sephiroth wants to go back to FFVII and modify the OG timeline to achieve his evil goals. This is his ideal scenario, his place of complete happiness: his desired Promised Land. Fatal Calling is setting up Sephiroth’s plans for Remake. In fact, the after-credits scene wherein Sephiroth stands in Nibelheim as it burns confirms his return to the FFVII OG timeline.
However, he isn’t the only one returning. Now that Cloud has revisited his past in Fatal Calling, he’s ready to reach his Promised Land. After Sephiroth’s after-credits scene, the OG FFVII title and logo turn into the FFVII Remake title and logo, indicating a shift: we are now officially in the Remakeera or world. Cloud and Sephiroth disappeared at the end of Fatal Calling, and now the game is telling us where they’ve gone. Combined with Hamaguchi’s recommendation that players complete the collaboration event before playing Remake, I think this is a solid indication that the Cloud and Sephiroth we see in this collaboration event are those we encounter in the Remake world. Once the switch to Remake occurs, Aerith’s theme returns. This communicates that she is indeed —as we’ve proven countless times already— Cloud’s Promised Land. But it also conveys her importance to the story of Remake. Scenario writer Nojima confirmed this:

“Aerith's the most important character in the remake so we paid special attention to her lines” (FFVII Remake Ultimania, section 08 “Secrets”, “Development Staff Interviews, Part 2: Tetsuya Nomura, Yoshinori Kitase, Kazushige Nojima”, page 744).

Aerith was already important to OG, so what could’ve motivated Nojima to state her importance to Remake? Could it be that she’s even more important in the latter than she was in the former? In what way?
That was the collaboration! Before we move on from MFF x FFVII Remake entirely though, let’s glean some more relevant information from some of the collaboration’s promotional material and special features.
III. e) iii. Promotional Material and Special Features
Two particular pieces of promotional material for this collaboration stick out to me as extremely relevant. The first is a promotion for a new summons batch in the Mobius FF game, created in honor of the collaboration.
MFF x FFVII Remake Summons Batch Cloud Promo
The summons batch contains three FFVII Remake-themed cards, including a Cloud card. As you can see, this promo reads “Who awaits in the Promised Land?” under Cloud’s picture.
The second is a promotion of an Aerith and summons and an Aerith Job Card (in MFF, Job Cards allow a character to embody an archetype or another character, giving them certain physical traits, clothing, weapons and abilities):
MFF x FFVII Remake Aerith Summons and Job Card Promo
I couldn’t find this picture in English, but the text relevant to us translates to:

“Midgar's Flower Vendor Summons
‘I'm searching for you. I want to meet… you.’
The witch protects the planet, imbues it with power, and leads to the Promised Land.”

A few things here. First, Aerith is referenced by name, and we see a picture of her in her famous praying pose. Secondly, both Cloud and Aerith’s images are attached to the notion of the Promised Land. Cloud’s card asks who awaits there, and Aerith’s evokes a guiding role, as though in response. Thirdly, both Cloud and Aerith are attached to the notion of searching: Cloud searches for the Promised Land and whomever awaits there, and Aerith searches for Cloud’s true self. Speaking of which, the promo also includes parts of Aerith’s famous gondola date quote from OG:

“Aeris: I'm searching for you.
Cloud: …?
Aeris: I want to meet you.
Cloud: But I'm right here.
Aeris: I know, I know... what I mean is... I want to meet... you” (disk 1 chapter 24).

In case you’re wondering about the lady in Aerith’s clothes on the left-hand side, that’s Meia, a character in MFF. She is the “witch” being referred to in the promotional material. She’s often called the Azure Witch. Meia is wearing Aerith’s clothes because a Meia-type Job Card called “Flower Girl of Midgar” was created in honor of the MFF x FFVII Remake collaboration:
MFF x FFVII Remake \"Flower Girl of Midgar\" Job Card
There’s even an Aerith outfit you can have Echo wear, and it appears with Wol’s Cloud outfit in the promotional picture:
MFF x FFVII Remake Echo's Aerith Outfit and Wol's Cloud Outfit
To be fair, Tifa also appears in one of these summons promos. However, unlike Aerith’s, her appearance doesn’t reference the Promised Land or her version of the gondola date. She is not presented in connection to Cloud at all. On top of that, while the Aerith and Cloud outfits are promoted together, Tifa is paired with Vincent in the promotional image:
MFF x FFVII Remake Summons Promo Tifa and Vincent
This is hardly indicative of Cloti content in the event collaboration or in Remake.
III. e) iv. Cloud’s Promised Land
All in all, the collaboration tells the story of Cloud searching for his Promised Land, just as post-OG Cloud has been shown doing for years and years of canon SE content. Cloud is searching for Aerith in the MFF x FFVII Remake collaboration, just like he was in FFT and DFF, and just like he was shown doing in the 30th FF Anniversary Exposition. This is nothing new. However, the collaboration informs us that this mission to be reunited with Aerith is what leads Cloud to enter the world of Remake.
Echo noted that people obtain the Promised Land they deserve rather than the one they want. What does Cloud deserve? I believe the answer is: another chance at saving Aerith.
Cloud needs to start over, from the top. He needs to go back to the very moment he and Avalanche arrived at mako reactor 1 to bomb it. He needs to return to the beginning of the OG game. He needs a redo, a fix-it, another shot at happiness; a remake.

IV. The Hidden Plot Point: Mission Theory

a) Thesis
Here lies the heart of my theory. My dear Cleriths, Sephiroth isn’t the only one who travelled back in time to undo destiny and create a reality where things go his way: Remake is also —I would even say primarily— Cloud’s chance to free Aerith from her fate, save her life and secure his shot at happiness with her. That’s why he experiences MOTFs in Remake: he’s done FFVII before and now he’s back, although with only fragments of his memories from OG, to save Aerith. That’s why his triggers all involve Aerith: he doesn’t consciously remember anything from OG, but his grief over Aerith is so strong that it rises from his subconsciousness at the slightest trigger.
In Remake, Cloud remembers some but not all elements of the OG timeline (MOTFs), and it appears he only remembers the most important things: all his MOTFs revolve around Aerith and her fate. Our theory explains why Aerith triggers Cloud’s MOTFs in Remake quite perfectly: he traveled back in time to prevent Aerith’s death from happening. Remake Cloud remembers Aerith because, well, he knows her from OG. Post-OG Cloud has returned to the past to save Aerith, resulting in Remake. This is why seeing her in Remake triggers visions and memories of things that haven’t happened yet in Remake, but have already happened to post-OG Cloud. He recognizes her face on Loveless in Remake because seeing her face again is the whole reason he entered Remake in the first place. His visions of her death when they meet once more at the church, the spike of anxiety and grief as he watches her walk away from him, the constriction in his chest when she talks about doing everything in her power to help the planet… all of it, it’s all his memories of OG being jogged by things related to her death. What he’s forgotten from the OG timeline emerges in flashes of pain, images, memory and emotion. Remember that the language the devs used to describe these instances where Cloud reacts to Aerith in this way is always about “remembering” or “recognizing”; Cloud has to have seen Aerith, known Aerith, loved Aerith, lost Aerith and felt the pain of living without Aerith before in order to recognize and remember these feelings. Think about it: this is the only thing that can explain Cloud’s extremely selective MOTFs and the fact that he has MOTFs at all.
The Remake trilogy is all about Cloud and Sephiroth stepping into the ring one more time, both ready to risk it all to get what they lost in the OG timeline. Sephiroth is hungry for destruction and godhood, while Cloud stands determined to save the love of his life. Fighting for their respective goals, the fated enemies enter a new battle in Remake, one to end the war, both needing to win this time after losing so horribly in OG. Now, it’s all or nothing. Sephiroth vying for the planet, and Cloud reaching out for Aerith.
Cloud’s back with a quest, one he can’t fail— it’s the most secret and important plot point of all. I call this the “Mission Theory”.
IV. b) Mission Theory Logistics
There are a few things that remain vague, so I’m going to use this section of the analysis to speculate on the logistics of my theory. We know very little about the hows of the timeline and multiverse shenanigans, so I’m going to hypothesize. However, this analysis is about the whys: so if you’re not interested in mechanical speculation on the logistics of time travel and multiverses, you can totally disregard this section and skip to section “V.”.
IV. b) i. Cloud the Time-Traveler?
It’s unclear whether Remake is the result of post-OG Cloud going back in time to try his hand at the OG timeline again, or the result of post-OG Cloud somehow informing OG Cloud that he must save Aerith this time around. It’s vague in the same way that we aren’t sure if Remake Aerith is post-OG Aerith or if she’s been informed by post-OG Aerith via her connection to the Lifestream as a Cetra. Though it doesn’t much matter how Cloud has memories of Aerith’s death in Remake, I personally think that Remake Cloud is a time-traveling post-OG Cloud. My explanation as to why might be a little confusing, so again, feel free to skip to section “V.”.
One must be able to communicate with the Lifestream in order to obtain knowledge of the future. This access can only be granted to the Cetra or to the souls of the deceased that compose the Lifestream itself. Since Cloud is not a Cetra, he cannot commune with the Lifestream while he is alive, meaning a deceased post-OG Cloud would not have been able to communicate his memories of the OG plot-line with a living OG Cloud. Therefore, the only way Remake Cloud could have knowledge of the future (manifested as MOTFs) would be that Remake Cloud is inhabited by his post-OG consciousness. Effectively, this is time-traveling.
Then comes the question of how Cloud was able to time-travel at all. I have what I consider a pretty solid hypothesis. The most interesting thing about the realm of Palamecia is that every FF character that’s ever appeared in the realm for a cameo died in their core world beforehand (spoilers for FFI, FFV, FFVI, FFX, FFXII, FFXIII, FFXV incoming). These characters include Tidus (FFX), Lightning (FFXIII), Garland (FFI), Sephiroth (FFVII), Gilgamesh (FFV), Vargas (FFVI), Gabranth (FFXII) and Ultros (FFXV). My interpretation of Palamecia serves at least partly as a directory for deceased souls that can’t simply fade. For instance, FFX’s Tidus actually came back to life to be with his love>! Yuna !! FFX!<. Of course, MFF x>! FFX !!FFX!< and FFX-2, just like MFF x FFVII Remake came out between FFVII OG and FFVII. And similarly to Fatal Calling, the ending cutscene of MFF x>! FFX !!Next thing you know, FFX-2 comes out and shows Tidus returning to Yuna and their core world in an optional cutscene.!< The MFF x>! FFX !! Tidus !Remake.
IV. b) ii. Post-OG Cloud’s Amnesia
If we consider that Remake Cloud is a time-travelling post-OG Cloud who’s returned to the start of the OG timeline, we encounter another logistical problem: why doesn’t Cloud remember everything or most things from the OG plot-line in Remake, like Sephiroth and Remake Aerith do? After all, aren’t the three of them in the same time-travelling boat? Why isn’t Cloud as lucid on the matter as the two others? Didn’t the post-OG Cloud in Fatal Calling face his past and origins? Shouldn’t that mean Cloud would remember all that stuff in Remake from the start?
In OG, the true Cloud’s memories are repressed by both his false persona and Jenova. The latter’s memetic abilities are able to block Cloud’s memories of the past from emerging and conflicting with his SOLDIER persona. For instance, in both OG and Remake, Cloud is unable to hear Aerith tell him Zack’s name in Evergreen Park: Jenova blocks it out. I think this is a similar situation: post-OG Cloud’s consciousness carries memories things that Jenova doesn’t want Cloud to know, so she pushes down on them. On top of that, after travelling through different worlds and back through the Lifestream for who knows how long, post-OG Cloud’s consciousness must be quite weak. We know how good Cloud is at repressing, so it makes total sense to me that post-OG Cloud’s consciousness would be trapped or suppressed somewhere deep in Remake Cloud’s subconsciousness. After all, it’s not like this whole time-travelling-consciousness thing is normal for a mind to experience. It’s no wonder Remake Cloud doesn’t consciously remember how things go in OG. However, post-OG Cloud’s love and grief for Aerith are so strong that memories related to her can occasionally pierce through to his Remake consciousness and Jenova’s barriers, resulting in his MOTFs. His pain and love for her are definitely permanent and strong enough:

“A young woman descended from the Ancients who will forever be engraved in [Cloud’s] heart” (Dirge of Cerberus, Japanese manual, Aerith’s character description).
“I believe for those who formerly traveled with her as comrades and for the viewers, each carries their own feelings and love for Aerith. In this story, Cloud also carries his own undying feelings for Aerith, even to this very day… Its relation with the church scene is… Yup. I’ll leave this part to your imagination. (laughs)” (Nomura interview on Advent Children “Designer’s Note” in *Famitsu PS2!*magazine, October 24th issue).

So you see, Remake Cloud’s mind is a little more complicated than OG Cloud’s mind. Everything is still the same in Remake as in OG, but with the added complication that his future self is hidden in his subconscious mind, probably trying to get out.
There is actually pretty good evidence of this. I’m sure you’re aware that whenever Jenova is trying to hide something from Cloud or altering his memory and/or perception, the screen glitches green with an audio cue (34:15-34:29, 1:15:30-1:15:41 and 1:17:14-1:17:29). Guess what? These Jenova audiovisual cues also occur during the MOTFs (ie: MOTF 3 2:58-3:07 and MOTF 4 0:29-0:42). Whenever post-OG Cloud’s consciousness encounters anything that reminds it of losing Aerith, the strength of its pain helps it push memories of Aerith to the surface so that RemakeCloud can consciously see them. Remake Cloud then experiences sensations and/or visions, all from his future self’s memories as they rise to the surface, propelled by grief. Jenova can’t allow Remake Cloud to fully recover his post-OG memory, so in order to shut down the process, its cells jump in to repress the MOTFs: this results in the classic Jenova audiovisual cues. The only time Jenova doesn’t bother to fight against a MOTF is the sixth, as it is quite weak: no visions occur, only a tight sensation in his chest.
IV. b) iii. Eclipse Contact and Cloud’s Memories of Reactor 1
There is one problem I have trouble decoding. In Eclipse Contact, Cloud tells Wol and Echo that the last thing he remembers is the run-up to his arrival at mako reactor 1 (FFVII OG, disk 1, chapter 1). Recall that usually, people summoned to Palamecia have no memories of their world of origin and lives before that point at all. So then why is it that upon being summoned to Palamecia, Cloud recalls the events that took place right before the start of the OG game? This strikes me as highly relevant since this is the exact point in time where post-OG Cloud’s consciousness needs to be transported to in order for Remake to begin, but I haven’t been able to figure out a solid hypothesis on what it could mean. My best guess is that this is the devs’ way of signalling to us that the events of the MFF x FFVII Remake collaboration occur before the very beginning of post-OG Cloud’s second try at the OG timeline (Remake).
Now that I’ve shown you how I’ve come to form my Mission Theory and we’ve done some pesky housekeeping, let’s connect some dots, shall we? It’s time to really get into it and see if any of my wild speculation tracks with content from the Remake trilogy so far.
V. Musical Evidence
What about the music of the game? Any hints there? Let’s try to see if we can find support for the Mission Theory in the music made for the Remake trilogy thus far!
As a preface to my musical evidence analysis, I want to insist on something: the story guys tell the soundtrack guys everything. In a high-quality production such as Remake, people who make music for audiovisual media are told everything in advance. They need to know the secrets of every little scene, because their job is to depict whatever is happening through music.
Therefore, if the Mission Theory is true, then there has to be musical evidence for it.
V. a) Preface: The Basics of the FFVII OST
There’s a lot of evidence in the music of the Remake trilogy that we have to address, but before we get into it, I do have to give you the basics of the FFVII soundscape! For the easiest experience, I suggest you keep a tab open for every link I provide for you until the music analysis is over, because we will be hopping from one musical theme to another and then back again.
V. a) i. The World Theme: Cloud’s Troubled Identity
The world theme of FFVII is a perfect example of how musicians working on an OST have to know the secrets of a story as they compose for it. On top of representing the FFVII world as a whole, it doubles as Cloud’s character theme… except that isn’t exactly right. You see, this piece does indeed contain Cloud’s true theme, but Sephiroth and Jenova’s musical motifs also contaminate it. This, of course, symbolizes how Cloud experiences identity sabotage because of these two antagonists. The result is that globally, the world theme does indeed represent Cloud’s character, but it isn’t exclusively Cloud’s in the same way that Cloud’s mind isn’t exclusively his. It’s brilliant storytelling through musical motifs, and evidently requires Uematsu to know in advance that Sephiroth manipulates Cloud’s identity in the story.
For future reference, let’s isolate Cloud’s true theme from Jenova and Sephiroth’s influence.
V. a) i. 1) Sephiroth: Dissonance and Semi-Tone Motif
I’m sure you know Sephiroth’s infamous theme: “One-Winged Angel”. The first motif we need to know is Sephiroth’s threatening, repetitive dissonance motif, which plays all throughout the piece (plays solo at 0:00 to 0:04). The second motif is what I call the semi-tone motif. “One-Winged Angel” has a ton of minor 2nd intervals, which is what we call the relationship between two notes that are only a semi-tone apart. You might recognize the minor 2nd interval in the foreboding Jaws theme. Just like in Jaws, the minor 2nd interval or semi-tone is commonly used to indicate an impending, life-threatening danger, a monster, predator, evil, or insanity; suits Sephiroth quite nicely!
V. a) i. 2) Jenova: Parasite Motif
The track “J-E-N-O-V-A” contains many competing melodies and has generated many variations of those melodies —almost like clones— that all represent aspects of the alien’s character. The main Jenova motif is simply a descending, two-octaves-long, arpeggiated mb6 chord (eight notes total). I’ve played it for you here. Sometimes, this motif is altered to form variations. For instance, in “Listen to the Cries of the Planet”, a variation of Jenova’s main motif is created by changing the order of the notes and reducing the number of notes to only six (0:00-0:03), however, it remains an arpeggiated mb6 chord. Regardless of the alteration, if you hear an arpeggiated mb6 chord, it means Jenova is creeping close by or that its influence is at work.
The variation of the mb6 arpeggiated chord that concerns us alters Jenova’s main theme so it ascends from the tonic to the b6 note and descends back to the tonic, then ending on the lower dominant for a total of eight notes. I’ve played it for you here. I call this variation the “parasite motif”, because it is often heard when Cloud is being controlled by Jenova. For instance, it plays when Cloud loses himself and becomes unusually violent in Rebirth’s chapter 13 (17:25-18:34), signalling to us that Jenova is in control. It is also the main motif of the track “Who… Am I?”, which evidently symbolizes Jenova’s fuelling of Cloud’s identity crisis— though here, the parasite motif is shortened to its six first notes.
V. a) i. 3) Cloud’s True Self
Now that we can recognize Sephiroth and Jenova’s motifs, let’s return to the world theme to isolate Cloud’s true self. Cloud’s true theme can be heard from 0:51 to 3:48. It consists of a section A (0:51-1:54), followed by a section B (1:54-2:41), and then returns to section A (2:41-3:48).
After Cloud’s true theme concludes however, it seems he experiences a psychic interference: doubt and confusion weave through the world theme (3:48-4:09), representing an instability in his identity. I call this interruption of Cloud’s true theme the “interference section”. It symbolizes a moment of psychic interference or weakness within Cloud that Sephiroth and Jenova take advantage of to take control of Cloud.
The end of the interference section introduces Jenova’s parasite motif. It slithers in (4:09), later joined by Sephiroth’s dissonance motif (4:16): Cloud’s mind and identity are being hijacked by the two antagonists in service of their evil plans.
They torment Cloud, dominating his mind until he manages to free himself: section A of Cloud’s true theme begins playing again (6:06), closing the loop of the theme.
Based on this musical storytelling, if you already knew the character motifs going into OG, you might’ve suspected something odd was going on with Cloud’s identity, and that Jenova and Sephiroth were involved. All this to say that whatever music is playing at any given time can give us hints as to what is going on. That’s the power and significance of a good soundtrack. Trust me when I say that with Uematsu and his team, we’re in excellent hands. And remember: the story guys tell the soundtrack guys everything.
V. a) ii. Aerith’s Theme
Another base we have to cover before checking out the Remake soundtrack is Aerith’s theme. I’m sure everyone here is familiar with it, but I insist that you refresh your memory. It consists of a section A (0:00-0:34), a section B (0:34-1:13) and a section C (1:13-2:00), concluding with a repeat of section A.
V. a) iii. Motifs and Timing in FFVII OSTs
I’m going to analyze pieces in great detail, which people who haven’t studied or paid attention to soundtracks may find strange. To prevent anyone from making the mistake of thinking that I’m reading too much into things, I want to emphasize that the music that plays during the Remaketrilogy’s cutscenes is carefully timed, composed and arranged to match the events in the cutscenes, as they are provided in advance to the musicians. Composers pay lots of attention to whatever is going on onscreen so they can include the corresponding musical motifs as accompaniment at the exact right moments, always striving to get the timing perfect. I’m not exaggerating the effort and minutia involved in soundtrack composition and arrangement. Here are just a few sound staff comments from the “Material 4: Soundtrack” section of the FFVII Remake Material Ultimania to prove it:

“[To] make sure players really feel the weight of the moment, we worked hard on getting the tempo and the entry timing of each instrument exactly right. In particular, that big ‘boom’ that sounds almost like a meteor crashing down was fine-tuned to match the timing of the logo's appearance. I remember this was a real sticking point for us, because if the boom's timing was even slightly off, the effect would be completely different. We […] had to sequence [each and every sound] to play at exactly the right moment” (Shotaro Shima on track “Midgar, City of Mako”, page 229).

&

“I was originally told to keep this piece to under two minutes, but it ended up being over six minutes long, in order to match the flow of the cutscene. I arranged the track while watching the latest CG visuals that had been rendered for the scene” (Naoyuki Honzawa on track “Smash ‘Em, Rip ‘Em”, page 309).

&

“This is the track that plays during the tour of Shinra’s different divisions. The movie shown in the Visual Entertainment Hall describes the history of the Ancients (0:25 onward in the soundtrack version), and I wanted to create a musical link to them as well, so I made use of the chord progression from ‘Aerith’s Theme’ [D(I)-Am(Vm)-D(I).] [This simple sequence of moving from major to minor and back again creates a really mysterious air. Then, during the section where the movie recounts the history of the construction of the Shinra Building (1:47 onward in the soundtrack version), I quoted a section of the Shinra theme” (Yasunori Nishiki on track “Stewards of the Planet”, page 313).

V. b) The Remake OST
Now that you’re ready, it’s time to verify the Mission Theory’s validity with Remake’s music.
V. b) i. MOTF 6 Music
We were able to explain Remake Cloud’s MOTFs with the Mission Theory, and it just so happens that the music that plays during the scene of MOTF 6 is unique to Remake. This gives us the perfect opportunity: we should analyze the piece that plays as it occurs to evaluate the legitimacy of our theory on the Remake trilogy, using all the motifs we uncovered in section “V. a)”.
First, a refresher on the scene and on our theory’s interpretation of it. The party is gathered in Aerith and Ifalna’s old room at Shinra HQ. Here is how the scene is described by the VA script notes:

“The Whispers once again close in [on Aerith], but Aerith refuses to stop speaking this time.
Aerith: Listen to me. […] Shinra isn’t the enemy. They were the ones who set things in motion, but our true foe is someone else.
At that moment, the spectacle of Meteor they saw in the Visual Entertainment Hall comes into Cloud and the others’ heads.
Aerith: Somehow, some way, I want to help— all of you… the planet…
For some reason, Cloud feels his chest constrict tightly” (FFVII Remake Material Ultimania Plus, VA script notes, “Aerith Speaks”).

Indeed, right after Aerith says she wants to help the planet any way she can, Cloud looks down at his chest with a frown and a quiet grunt (7:46-7:54). According to the Mission Theory, this tightness in Cloud’s chest can be explained as an emergence of post-OG Cloud’s grief, triggered by the slightest allusion to Aerith’s sacrifice.
The piece that plays during this scene is called “Aerith’s Theme - The Cetra”. It is one of many variations of Aerith’s iconic theme arranged for Remake. However, Cloud’s theme is just as prominent in the piece— if not, more.
V. b) i. 1) The Fate Motif
Before we interpret “Aerith’s Theme - The Cetra”, I need to introduce you to one more motif that crops up in the piece. There is a windy motif that appears (from 1:45 onwards) and it is unaccounted for, despite how it’s clearly meant to represent something. I’ve become certain that this wind noise symbolizes fate, and I’ll tell you why.
In the MOTF 6 scene, just after Nanaki explains how he gained knowledge of the Whispers via contact with Aerith (7:23), they emerge and begin swirling aggressively around Aerith (7:26). Her hair and dress blow and ripple in the resulting wind. From this very moment onward “Aerith’s Theme - The Cetra” (3:00), a string section (bowed instruments in the violin family) that deliberately emphasizes the airy sound of the bow crossing the strings enters, creating a windy effect that adds to the already present wind noise (that started at 1:45). As the Whispers progressively become even more aggressive onscreen, both the wind SFX of the cutscene and the wind noise in the piece get louder and louder. Because of the timing of its appearance and crescendo in the cutscene, I’m certain the wind noise is meant to represent the restrictive flow of fate; it only makes sense, given that destiny is a current —or a wind— that cannot be broken, and Aerith is like a helpless petal in fate’s carefully planned storm. Of course, it’s also quite significant that the Whispers make a windy noise as they fly. You can hear it every time they’re onscreen, like when they first appear to Cloud in chapter 2 of Remake (17:45-18:20), or when the White Whispers hold Cloud back from chasing after Aerith during Rebirth’s Sleeping Forest scene in chapter 14 (28:43-29:45). You can also hear the wind sounds in other Whisper-related tracks, such as “Whorl of Whispers” (clearly audible at 2:50-3:05), as well as “A Death Not Ordained by Fate” (clearly audible at 2:56-3:18). Therefore, I’ll call these wind noises the “fate motif”.
V. b) ii. 2) Interpreting “Aerith’s Theme - The Cetra”
In part 1 of “Aerith’s Theme - The Cetra” (0:00-1:45), Aerith’s theme and Cloud’s true theme play simultaneously, their respective phrases fitting perfectly together, interweaving peacefully and softly. It sounds like the two of them are chatting, dancing bashfully yet contently and in perfect sync, glad to be exactly where they’re meant to be as their themes sing together in harmony (soft piano). Part 1 of this piece is about Cloud and Aerith becoming important to one another as they discover their soulmate bond.
Unfortunately that contentment doesn’t last. In part 2 (1:45-3:00), Cloud experiences a moment of psychic vulnerability (world theme’s interference section). Fate lurks (fate motif enters quietly). His instability forces our couple’s sweet dance to a halt, and Aerith’s theme must retreat as Cloud’s confusion takes center stage. Sephiroth torments and taunts him (semi-tone played by strings, 2:03-2:10), taking advantage of Cloud’s psychic interference to plunge him into darkness (world theme’s interference section ends, low cello enters, 2:18): Cloud temporarily becomes a darker version of himself as evil corrupts him (piano plays section A phrases 1 and 2 of Cloud’s true theme in minor, 2:18-2:53). Jenova finally reveals itself and promptly exits, releasing Cloud’s mind from its grasp (seven first notes of parasite motif played twice on piano 2:53-3:00). Cloud is free, but the damage has been done: his dance with Aerith has long been interrupted, and she is gone. Part 2 of “Aerith’s Theme - The Cetra” is about Cloud being manipulated in service of Sephiroth and Jenova’s evil plan, interrupting his interaction with Aerith.
Part 3 (3:00-3:33) kicks off the mechanisms of a tragic fate (strings section joins fate motif, 3:00). Both anxious that she’s disappeared from his side and terrified of the darkness he just discovered inside him (in part 2), Cloud fearfully calls out for Aerith (phrase 1 of Cloud’s true theme’s section A, timid and hesitant piano, 3:04-3:15). Before his psychic interference began (start of part 2), Cloud’s voice was accompanied by Aerith’s as they grew closer and closer (their character themes mingling in part 1)… but now, Aerith isn’t answering his call, and he cannot find her (Aerith’s theme doesn’t to join Cloud’s anymore).
Anxious, Cloud tries calling out for Aerith a second time (section A phrase 2 of Cloud’s true theme’s, 3:19-3:31), searching for her in the hopes that they can continue their dance, but even now, Aerith does not respond. She’s gone (Aerith’s theme remains absent). Destiny keeps Aerith away from Cloud (fate motif gently crescendos). Part 3 of “Aerith’s Theme - The Cetra” is about Cloud’s separation from Aerith, his search for her, and the fear and anxiousness he feels when he realizes he cannot find her.
And then, part 4 begins with a sweet, gentle voice, calling out from the blackened horizon: it’s Aerith (section B phrase 1 of Aerith’s theme, soft piano, 3:33-3:45). Cloud finally hears her respond to his pleas: he’s found her. Fate begins howling in protest, doubling its efforts to keep Cloud and Aerith apart (fate motif crescendos noticeably in reaction to Aerith’s theme, 3:45). You can just picture Cloud running toward Aerith, struggling against the current of destiny to try and close the distance between them. Aerith tries calling out for Cloud a second time, (section B phrase 2 of Aerith’s theme, 3:40-3:43), but the Whispers only swirl around her more ferociously, taking her away in the uncompromising current of fate (fate motif continues to crescendo). Aerith tries again (section B phrase 1 of Aerith’s theme, 3:47-3:49). It sounds like she’s saying “Cloud, I’m over here, come find me!”
Fate doesn’t take too kindly to her defying it. Cloud and Aerith are not supposed to be together; it can’t be, it won’t. She’s destined to die to save the planet, and he’s destined to remain hollow forevermore. I can picture Cloud breaking into a sprint at the sound of her voice, running countercurrent to the flow of destiny— but the winds are so loud, fate’s demands are so strong, and the Whispers are shrieking in defense of destiny now. Aerith’s voice emerges for the fourth time (first three notes of section B phrase 3 of Aerith’s theme, 3:54 to 3:56). Fate screams louder, louder (steep crescendo of fate motif, 3:59-4:02). In a desperate hail Mary, Aerith shouts out one more time, as though throwing her hand out toward Cloud’s extended fingers (section C phrase 1 of Aerith’s theme, louder and more insistent, cutting through the fate motif as it crescendos sharply, 4:00-4:06). Part 4 of “Aerith’s Theme - The Cetra” is about Cloud and Aerith desperately trying to defy fate in order to be together. And then, it all stops: fate has seemingly quieted Aerith (4:04-4:08)…
Part 5 (4:08-4:27) begins with Cloud jumping, launching himself off the ground with all his strength (Cloud’s true theme section A phrase 2, first 5 notes, melody starting on the note E5 and ascending) as Aerith plummets toward the ground in a fatal fall (Aerith’s theme section C phrase 1, melody starting on the note E6 and descending, the last note altered)— he successfully catches her in mid-air (both Cloud’s ascending melody and Aerith’s descending melody meet in the middle of the octave, first uniting on B5, and then ending on A5). I’ve recreated the melodies for you here so you can hear this reunion more clearly. If you consider that the airy strings in this piece represent fate, which I do, the fact that they follow Cloud and Aerith’s themes in part 5 signifies that they are now in control of their own destinies, and successfully making it their fate to reunite.
To be completely frank, I did not realize until right now writing this that Cloud unites with Aerith in part 5, even though his theme is right there. I’m so excited to share this part with you.
We hear Aerith once more, her voice quietly trailing off into the silence (phrase 4 of section C of Aerith’s theme) with no conclusion (phrase 5 normally follows phrase 4 to conclude Aerith’s theme, but is absent here). Part 5 of “Aerith’s Theme - The Cetra” suggests that Cloud will save Aerith and that the couple will change their fate, but also conveys an uncertain and open-ended quality.
(continued in

S.D.,
I'm sorry, that I lied to you back then. I told you I wasn't ready for a relationship. I laid all the blame at your feet. I lied and said I didn't want to be with you, that a commitment wasn't what I had been looking for. I lied. I was lying to myself. I told myself I wasn't madly in love with you, that I never wanted a life with you, that I only wanted a friend. And you respected every word, and every boundary, and you let me go. Just like I knew you would.
I'm sorry that I couldn't face you over the years, to be the friend I claimed to have wanted, because I didn't trust myself to keep up the facade, to keep hidden love and heartache. I tried, universe knows, I tried. I'm sorry that I deleted from existence every picture, every loving word, every trace that might expose me, so that I could maintain the facade in the mirror.
I'm sorry, that I was not strong enough to live with another's mistakes, that I could not withstand the wails of a little one, the consequences of another's failings. That I was not but a groomed little woman is meaningless, am excuse I pat my heart on the back with. That it is understandable I did what I thought best for a helpless small life, does not erase the errors.
I'm sorry, that I wanted you to fall in love, to think of a life with me, only to tear it away. I'm sorry, that I ever made you, if I ever made you, doubt that you were truly, unequivocally, loved. And most of all, I'm sorry that you were someone I could sacrifice, and I did.
I have built my life on a lie, a secret that not another soul knows, save now these strangers on the internet...
That this is the life I chose, that I continue to choose it each day, that I love and care and choose these people, that is all true. I do not pretend to love. I have never faltered, mayhaps till now, in my love and dedication to him and our family.
But still I have lied all along, to say that I didn't love you, to say that I never wanted you, to say that this life was born out of desire or passion or being In Love - that i wanted him and not you. That I didn't ache at my own heartbreak of walking away from you every time I saw you or stood in your presence. That it didn't kill me to see you with another. That I couldn't embrace you and be close to you. That I had to completely discard you, less my resolve dissipate.
I lied, and now as memories fade and I begin to lose those very pieces, I have not even the photo of you I took in the sunshine one summer day to recall.. the photo in my mind no more than blurry edges. I am sorry, and these apologies and truths are meaningless and can change nothing. What is done is done and cannot be undone.
And lastly, I am sorry, that I cannot live a lie any longer. Too many secrets scar my heart, and this is the only one that belongs to me, so I must find away to release it. To tell him the truth, of the truth I buried inside me, and all the lies it spread. Even if I can never tell another soul, even if I can never share these words with you, I must trust them to him at least.
How ironic, that the villian of story in the past, the very reason I had to lie, the one whose actions created such misery that led me to make those choices, is now the only person in the world I can tell. And it is unclear to me, just what will await this life I dedicated my everything to, once I do.
With too many tears and all my love
C.R.

S.D.,
I'm sorry, that I lied to you back then. I told you I wasn't ready for a relationship. I laid all the blame at your feet. I lied and said I didn't want to be with you, that a commitment wasn't what I had been looking for. I lied. I was lying to myself. I told myself I wasn't madly in love with you, that I never wanted a life with you, that I only wanted a friend. And you respected every word, and every boundary, and you let me go. Just like I knew you would.
I'm sorry that I couldn't face you over the years, to be the friend I claimed to have wanted, because I didn't trust myself to keep up the facade, to keep hidden love and heartache. I tried, universe knows, I tried. I'm sorry that I deleted from existence every picture, every loving word, every trace that might expose me, so that I could maintain the facade in the mirror.
I'm sorry, that I was not strong enough to live with another's mistakes, that I could not withstand the wails of a little one, the consequences of another's failings. That I was not but a groomed little woman is meaningless, am excuse I pat my heart on the back with. That it is understandable I did what I thought best for a helpless small life, does not erase the errors.
I'm sorry, that I wanted you to fall in love, to think of a life with me, only to tear it away. I'm sorry, that I ever made you, if I ever made you, doubt that you were truly, unequivocally, loved. And most of all, I'm sorry that you were someone I could sacrifice, and I did.
I have built my life on a lie, a secret that not another soul knows, save now these strangers on the internet...
That this is the life I chose, that I continue to choose it each day, that I love and care and choose these people, that is all true. I do not pretend to love. I have never faltered, mayhaps till now, in my love and dedication to him and our family.
But still I have lied all along, to say that I didn't love you, to say that I never wanted you, to say that this life was born out of desire or passion or being In Love - that i wanted him and not you. That I didn't ache at my own heartbreak of walking away from you every time I saw you or stood in your presence. That it didn't kill me to see you with another. That I couldn't embrace you and be close to you. That I had to completely discard you, less my resolve dissipate.
I lied, and now as memories fade and I begin to lose those very pieces, I have not even the photo of you I took in the sunshine one summer day to recall.. the photo in my mind no more than blurry edges. I am sorry, and these apologies and truths are meaningless and can change nothing. What is done is done and cannot be undone.
And lastly, I am sorry, that I cannot live a lie any longer. Too many secrets scar my heart, and this is the only one that belongs to me, so I must find away to release it. To tell him the truth, of the truth I buried inside me, and all the lies it spread. Even if I can never tell another soul, even if I can never share these words with you, I must trust them to him at least.
How ironic, that the villian of story in the past, the very reason I had to lie, the one whose actions created such misery that led me to make those choices, is now the only person in the world I can tell. And it is unclear to me, just what will await this life I dedicated my everything to, once I do.
With too many tears and all my love
C.R.

S.D.,
I'm sorry, that I lied to you back then. I told you I wasn't ready for a relationship. I laid all the blame at your feet. I lied and said I didn't want to be with you, that a commitment wasn't what I had been looking for. I lied. I was lying to myself. I told myself I wasn't madly in love with you, that I never wanted a life with you, that I only wanted a friend. And you respected every word, and every boundary, and you let me go. Just like I knew you would.
I'm sorry that I couldn't face you over the years, to be the friend I claimed to have wanted, because I didn't trust myself to keep up the facade, to keep hidden love and heartache. I tried, universe knows, I tried. I'm sorry that I deleted from existence every picture, every loving word, every trace that might expose me, so that I could maintain the facade in the mirror.
I'm sorry, that I was not strong enough to live with another's mistakes, that I could not withstand the wails of a little one, the consequences of another's failings. That I was not but a groomed little woman is meaningless, am excuse I pat my heart on the back with. That it is understandable I did what I thought best for a helpless small life, does not erase the errors.
I'm sorry, that I wanted you to fall in love, to think of a life with me, only to tear it away. I'm sorry, that I ever made you, if I ever made you, doubt that you were truly, unequivocally, loved. And most of all, I'm sorry that you were someone I could sacrifice, and I did.
I have built my life on a lie, a secret that not another soul knows, save now these strangers on the internet...
That this is the life I chose, that I continue to choose it each day, that I love and care and choose these people, that is all true. I do not pretend to love. I have never faltered, mayhaps till now, in my love and dedication to him and our family.
But still I have lied all along, to say that I didn't love you, to say that I never wanted you, to say that this life was born out of desire or passion or being In Love - that i wanted him and not you. That I didn't ache at my own heartbreak of walking away from you every time I saw you or stood in your presence. That it didn't kill me to see you with another. That I couldn't embrace you and be close to you. That I had to completely discard you, less my resolve dissipate.
I lied, and now as memories fade and I begin to lose those very pieces, I have not even the photo of you I took in the sunshine one summer day to recall.. the photo in my mind no more than blurry edges. I am sorry, and these apologies and truths are meaningless and can change nothing. What is done is done and cannot be undone.
And lastly, I am sorry, that I cannot live a lie any longer. Too many secrets scar my heart, and this is the only one that belongs to me, so I must find away to release it. To tell him the truth, of the truth I buried inside me, and all the lies it spread. Even if I can never tell another soul, even if I can never share these words with you, I must trust them to him at least.
How ironic, that the villian of story in the past, the very reason I had to lie, the one whose actions created such misery that led me to make those choices, is now the only person in the world I can tell. And it is unclear to me, just what will await this life I dedicated my everything to, once I do.
With too many tears and all my love
C.R.

S.D.,
I'm sorry, that I lied to you back then. I told you I wasn't ready for a relationship. I laid all the blame at your feet. I lied and said I didn't want to be with you, that a commitment wasn't what I had been looking for. I lied. I was lying to myself. I told myself I wasn't madly in love with you, that I never wanted a life with you, that I only wanted a friend. And you respected every word, and every boundary, and you let me go. Just like I knew you would.
I'm sorry that I couldn't face you over the years, to be the friend I claimed to have wanted, because I didn't trust myself to keep up the facade, to keep hidden love and heartache. I tried, universe knows, I tried. I'm sorry that I deleted from existence every picture, every loving word, every trace that might expose me, so that I could maintain the facade in the mirror.
I'm sorry, that I was not strong enough to live with another's mistakes, that I could not withstand the wails of a little one, the consequences of another's failings. That I was not but a groomed little woman is meaningless, am excuse I pat my heart on the back with. That it is understandable I did what I thought best for a helpless small life, does not erase the errors.
I'm sorry, that I wanted you to fall in love, to think of a life with me, only to tear it away. I'm sorry, that I ever made you, if I ever made you, doubt that you were truly, unequivocally, loved. And most of all, I'm sorry that you were someone I could sacrifice, and I did.
I have built my life on a lie, a secret that not another soul knows, save now these strangers on the internet...
That this is the life I chose, that I continue to choose it each day, that I love and care and choose these people, that is all true. I do not pretend to love. I have never faltered, mayhaps till now, in my love and dedication to him and our family.
But still I have lied all along, to say that I didn't love you, to say that I never wanted you, to say that this life was born out of desire or passion or being In Love - that i wanted him and not you. That I didn't ache at my own heartbreak of walking away from you every time I saw you or stood in your presence. That it didn't kill me to see you with another. That I couldn't embrace you and be close to you. That I had to completely discard you, less my resolve dissipate.
I lied, and now as memories fade and I begin to lose those very pieces, I have not even the photo of you I took in the sunshine one summer day to recall.. the photo in my mind no more than blurry edges. I am sorry, and these apologies and truths are meaningless and can change nothing. What is done is done and cannot be undone.
And lastly, I am sorry, that I cannot live a lie any longer. Too many secrets scar my heart, and this is the only one that belongs to me, so I must find away to release it. To tell him the truth, of the truth I buried inside me, and all the lies it spread. Even if I can never tell another soul, even if I can never share these words with you, I must trust them to him at least.
How ironic, that the villian of story in the past, the very reason I had to lie, the one whose actions created such misery that led me to make those choices, is now the only person in the world I can tell. And it is unclear to me, just what will await this life I dedicated my everything to, once I do.
With too many tears and all my love
C.R.

My husband loves me, and he loves Sadie. But mainly, he's tired. And so eventually Sadie got her rat. Honey lived happily in Sadie's room in his 3-tiered Rat Palace, and every day I would take time out from soothing the infant and wrestling with the 3-year-old to play with the rat, something the pet store warned I had to do if I wanted to socialize him. 

You'd better not run
You'd better not hide
Or I'll rip your heart out and spit its insides
Eid Zenith is coming to town!
​
I have your password
Your device account too
Your image gallery says a lot about you
Eid Zenith is coming to town!
​
Before you go and eat food
Your brain will deck the halls
Your intestines will adorn the colorful lights
As your blood drips down the walls, OH!
​
Your fates are all sealed
This Eid Day will be
The most violent of all in history
Eid Zenith is coming to town!

I began talking to her back in November 2022. A common friend paired as up as we were both lonely people. She had just broken up 3 months ago. Things started to hit off, but initially it was slow for me. I used to reply her late, and not be very attentive in the beginning. Fast forward to 4th January 2023, we met for the first time. What we had on January was purely physical, but then as we spent more time together, we got to know each other. What we had was long distance, we live 480 kms apart. We met again on February and this time, things started to hit off really nice. The time when we were apart from each other, we used to call, text and communicate with each other a lot. During May, we stayed together for 11 days and that is when I saw the raw, unfiltered version of her. I saw what she was, in her day to day life, and I started to fall for her! This entire time from beginning, she used to pour a lot of efforts for me, shower me with gifts, food, compliments.
In August she faced something that hit her career hard, and she also had that pressure to get married from her family. She tried to break up with me as she was mentally exhausted with everything. However, I suggested if her family is pressurising her that much, then she should talk about us to her family. She agreed and asked if I was okay with marrying her. When I let her know that I will be happy to marry her, we didn't breakup. However, he family had backed from pressurising her and we did not have to go down that path. Fast forward to November, I was a few kilometres away from her home attending my brother's wedding. We met one day when it was a big festival in her city. She took the risk of meeting me and spending an entire day with me that day, even though she was at the risk of a number of her relatives seeing us. She didn't care, she wanted to spend that day with me. We again met few days after that and spent two days together. During the first day, I took her to a rooftop pub and she later said me that she had one of the best time of her life.
Let me give you some context before I say what happened the next day. She asked me in June to show my ex's DP (Display Picture), but I didn't like doing that. So I said I had deleted her number, which I had. Later I had collected my ex's number from a mutual friend just because I had found something that belonged to her, in my cupboard. I collected her number so that I can figure out a way to return that. So, me and my ex just had a transactional conversation about how I'd send it to her. That's it. After that I forgot to delete her number. P.S. I had saved my ex's number with the contact name "Red Flag"
Coming back to the main story, I was being very protective of my phone during those two days together because I was planning a surprise for her. She noticed that protectiveness towards my phone and asked me if I had actually deleted my ex's number. She took my phone to see if I had actually deleted my ex's number. She found the number and she was mad at me. She told me that I knew everything about her ex as she shared every detail with me, even when her ex used to message her and she used to ignore. She said "You lied to me about one of my most sensitive things, exes. I know you did not cheat but none the less you lied to me and hid from me that you talked to her". She also said me that she lost trust in me. That is the day I started to feel her drift away from me. After that she never again said me that she missed me. Before this incident she used to say a lot that she misses me, or she wished I was there with her.
She got a job on 15th March at a newly opened school and from 18th April students were supposed to join. From around 22nd of April, our communication went down from 2-3 hours a day to 20 to 30 mins a day. I figured it must be because of the new schedule of her life. This was her first job, I thought maybe she needs time to adjust. Even though she bought some of the best gifts on my birthday next week, she did not wish me at nigh. She wished me the next morning. I was a bit upset. Then I called her on 1st May as it is a holiday. I told her that I at least deserved a little update from her everyday. Even 5 mins of time per day would suffice. She said she'll try, but after that, from 3rd May she went No Contact with me. I tried to reach her out but she did not respond. 11th May I had a nightmare about her and I called her up. She disconnected and texted me "I am sorry, I cannot do this anymore. I thought about it a lot of times this week but I cannot do it anymore". My world turned upside down, I called her, she picked up and said that the new workplace, the toxic work culture, the immense pressure they are putting on freshers to the extent that they had no energy left when they returned home, the family pressure, everything stacked up high on her plate and this relationship is now becoming a baggage on her. She needs a break from everything. She said me that she is also hurting from this breakup but she is being calm about it because she does not want to make it messy. She has gone no contact with every exes in the past but she doesn't want to do that to me as she wants me in her life as a friend, as I am a good hearted human. She obviously has given me the choice to go no contact with her if I need it to move on.
Later, I found out from my friend that since February, my girlfriend had started losing interest on me. She cannot fight for a love marriage with her family based on the strength pf emotions she had. She had emotions, but not strong enough to fight for it and convince her family. Throughout the relationship I have been a bit clingy and needy due to the baggages of abandonment issues from my past relationships. I also had certain insecurities due to which she could never open up much in front of me. She is a kind of person who likes to share everything with her partner. But whenever there used to be a conversation about some other man, who she found intellectually very interesting and enjoyed a conversation with, or maybe some man who was very well in making drinks and made her some of the best drinks, I used to get insecure and make silly fights. She also did not like to sleep while on call, and she hinted me sometimes indirectly, but I couldn't catch upon it. So an accumulation of all these little things made her lose interest in me.
Now me, who was not that interested in the beginning, had fallen head over heels for this girl. This breakup shattered me. Every bit of my existence just wants to vanish away right now. It is unexplainable how broken I feel. It hurts, thinking about her is killing me from inside. I loved listening to music but I can't anymore. Everything reminds me of her. I am clinging on to the hope that if I fix my abandonment issues and learn to give space and be the kind of man she wants, maybe someday she will regain her emotions for me. I am praying to any god that listens. I want to marry her, be by her for the rest of my life, grow old with her and take my last breath while I am holding her hand.

Thank you so much everyone for showing love in my previous post. Link - https://www.reddit.com/indiasocial/s/hOHCamxGaC
So since I got many dms and many more comments, here we go with the translation of ve mahiya tere vekhan nu.
At this point, I must say this is one of the most difficult things I have written in my life. So if you disagree somewhere, please share your perspective in comments, that too in a way others can appreciate it. Let's start.
"Ve maahiya tere vekhan nu, chuk charkha gali de vich daawa"
This is a fairly easy sentence. A lover wants to get a glimpse of their beloved, and hence rather than spinning the yarn inside the house, they put it in the street.
Literally saying, Oh lover to be able to see you, I pick up my spinning wheel and put it in the street.
But it's deeper than that. Bulleh Shah loves God, and he finds a metaphor as if his body is like a spinning wheel, which he has put into this world (street) to get a glimpse of God.
"Ve loka paane main kat di, tang teriya yaad de panwa"
Ve loka paane main kat di means people think I'm spinning the threads of cotton. As in I'm spending time with my body, doing some actions. Remember how Bulleh Shah was a reformist and people didn't really understand his ideas at that time. They couldn't understand why bulleh did what he did. So they think he is just passing time and doing his deeds.
tang teriya yaadan de paawan means that in whatever action I do (spinning wheel) I put threads of your memories into it. so no matter what I am doing. dancing , eating, talking, writing, whatever I am doing, you are what I am thinking about.
"Charkhe di oo kar de ole, yaad teri da tumba bole"
charke di oo kar de ole means I put the spinning wheel aside, as in I no longer wish to do anything at all. so I keep my body aside, stoping my actions. Yaad Teri da Tumba bole means there is a very high pitched music of your memories (in Bulleh's heart). Tumba here doesn't refer to the drum but to a punjabi musical instrument, also called Tumbi. I don't know how many of you remember it, but there was a song, Baby Doll main sone di, There was a tumbi (or tumba) in that song. It's the same tumba.
This is important because when you play tumbi, the sound is not much loud (as compared to a drum) but it's high pitched similarly what Bulleh feels is not loud (not many people understand) but is very high pitched ( high intensity) of memories.
"ve nimma nimma geet ched ke, tand kat'di hullare khaanwaan"
Ve nimma nimma geet ched ke means singing but in low voice ( along with high pitched tumba, so again not many people hear it)
Tand Kat'di hullare khaanwaan means I'm spinning the wheel gently (like not that ambitious to do activities, just doing bare minimum) and I'm thinking about the time we would finally meet (basically daydreaming)
"Vasan ni dende saure peke, mainu tere pain pulekhe"
Vasan ni dende as in they don't let me settle and saure peke means the family and the in laws. Basically none of my relatives accept me or let me stay with them (because remember Bulleh Shah gave up everything). Pulekhe means an illusion. Mainu tere pain pulekhe means I get illusions of you, like you are here in front of me when you are actually not.
"Ve hun mainu das mahiya, tere baaju kidhar nu jaava"
Oh love now tell me, where shall I go except for you.
I hope I was able to share something new and make this song more beautiful for you all.
Bonus Fact: This is a very unrelated unknown thing but I think if you have read this far, you might appreciate it too. So do you guys recall a guy "Bahadur Shah Zafar" from the first war of independence, 1857, a Mughal king who fought along with tatya tope and the likes. rings a bell? So he was also a poet and I recently read his poetry. I was IMPRESSED. I'm attaching his 3 shers that are simple to understand and I love them.

1. Tumne kiya na yaad kabhi bhul kar hame, Hamne tumhari yaad mein sabkuch bhula diya.
   
2. Koi kyu kisi ka lubhae dil, Koi kya kisi se lagaye dil, Vo jo bechte the dava-e-dil Voh dukaan apni badha gaye
   
3. Na dunga dil use main ye hamesha kehta tha, Voh aaj le hi gaya aur 'Zafar' se kuch na hua.
   

Updated with autopsy results.
Morphew Case Map - Google My Maps - Barry's iPhone Data - Google My Maps - Barry's Truck Events - Google My Maps
August 5, 1994 – Suzanne Moorman marries Barry Morphew The Alexandria Times-Tribune Alexandria, Indiana 05 Jan 1994, Wed • Page 4
December 1999 – Barry and Suzanne Purchase 26040 Cal Carson Rd, Arcadia, IN This is the house where he dug a hole in the yard and buried everything he didn't want to move to Colorado. (AA ft 55 page 53)
November 2013 – Suzanne Inherits $208,000 upon the Passing of her Mother. MB provided documents that Suzanne inherited approximately $208,000 in 2013 at the passing of her mother.
August 2016 – Suzanne inherits $217,000 upon the death of a grandmother. Suzanne’s grievance list included multiple references to Barry controlling the finances.
April 12, 2018 – The Morphew’s Purchase 19057 Puma Path Barry and Suzanne Morphew purchase 19057 Puma Path for $1,575,000.
June 1, 2018 – The Morphews move to Colorado. (PH – Harris) SA Harris: Yeah, they moved in 2018. I believe they left around June 1st, 2018. to move to Colorado. So roughly a year and a half of the time is what Sheila originally said in that.
September 2018 – Suzanne sends “Howdy stranger” message to JL First contact since high school.
Fall 2018 – Libler’s daughter sees messages from Suzanne on his phone. Libler breaks it off.
Thanksgiving 2018 – Barry obsessive/possessive. While Suzanne was at the Oliver’s house, she had stepped away from her cell phone to use the restroom, and Barry tried calling her several times within a few minutes, then tried calling Sheila, then tried calling Darin.
Holidays 2018 – Suzanne finds Libler’s LinkedIn Page. Relationship Rekindled
January 2019 – The Mexico trip where Barry took Suzanne’s phone Mexico trip mentioned in the grievances list where Barry took Suzanne's phone.
February 11 – 14, 2019 – Suzanne in New Orleans with Libler Barry admitted to questioning Suzanne about the New Orleans trip, further evidence he suspected the affair.
April 2019 – Suzanne meets up with Libler in Indiana She does not see SO on this trip.
July 2019 – Suzanne and Libler meet up in Michigan Barry called SO while Suzanne was in MI visiting her fatheJL, wanting to know why Suzanne wasn't returning his calls.
September 2019 – Barry stalks Suzanne and Shelia Oliver, creeping through woods. Barry stalked Suzanne and Sheila at the Puma Path house in September 2019. This is upon his early return from a trip to Arizona.
October 2019 – Libler and Suzanne in Dallas Suzanne and Libler spend two nights at the Galleria.
September – November 2019 – Barry aggressively pursues KW around Salida. From the first time KW met Barry, she said it felt like "he was putting his tentacles out."
Holidays 2019 – Suzanne and Libler stop talking on the phone because she is afraid Barry will find out. They shift to more covert ways to communicate. Barry's second device makes its first appearance.
January/February 2020 – Suzanne in Florida, gets spy pen, sees Libler Suzanne in Florida, SO gives her the spy pen during this trip. Suzanne records a conversation with Libler on this trip.
Late February 2020 – Suzanne in Florida, sees father and Libler. Suzanne skips out on time with her father to see Libler. Barry goes to Florida.
March 2020 – Spy pen records argument between Suzanne and Barry. “It’s money. It’s about money.” “… I have lived for years being told how I should feel, how I should act, how I should look, what I should drink, what I shouldn’t drink, what I should put in my body, what I shouldn’t put in my body … ”
March 20, 2020 – Jekyll and Hyde text exchange between Suzanne and SO, MM2 suggests restraining order. "It’s Jekyl and Hyde again … Pretty much told him I can’t be healthy and stay in this."
March 22, 2020 – Spy pen records Barry listening to Forensic Files episodes, call with Suzanne on drive to Pueblo Coincidentally one of the episodes involved a woman "disappearing" after a bike ride.
April 21, 2020 – Messages between Suzanne and Libler “I want to be with you,” “I can only be me with you,” I love you,” “I need you.” “You know I was born to love you.”
May 4, 2020 16:05 – Barry makes 3 second outgoing call to Suzanne This was the first logged call in Barry’s phone to or from Suzanne since February 7, 2020.
May 5, 2020 – Suzanne drives MM2 to Gunnison Suzanne drives Macy to Gunnison, CO to meet MM1 for a road/camping trip through Utah and Idaho with MM1's best friend.
May 6, 08:44 – Suzanne sends MM2 a text “Good morning! I miss you already!”
May 6, 10:13 – Suzanne: “I’m done. I could care less what you’re up to and have been for years.” From 14:43 to 17:00 Barry replied, “When I’m dead,” “Going to see my savior,” and “This life on earth is a mear (sic) grain of sand compared to eternity.”
May 6, 2020 – 14:43 – From Barry to Suzanne: “I’m sorry if things went the way they did. I have a problem dealing with the way you accused me of hiding checks. If you think I’m as terrible of a person to hide our accounts and have ones you don’t know about you don’t know me. All I do is for you and the girls. All. When I'm dead, which won't be long, you guys will be taken care of. Please stop being angry. If I can control my hurt heart I think I can overcome your distant unlovingness toward me. Honey, I swear it's the hardest thing I've had to do. I love you I always will.”
May 6, 2020 – 15:51 – Barry to Suzanne: “I promise you were wrong about all the crazy thoughts about me. I have always been faithful. Always. Why would I ever want another when I'm married to the most beautiful, sweet, kind, loving, woman as you? Only a fool would stray from an angel like you.”
May 07, 2020 – Suzanne messages Libler about how magical past days had been. Barry wants a new truck. 16:43 - “Been studying all afternoon. I’m gonna bike now. I’ve got veggie soup on for supper.”
May 7, 2020 – SB puts new tires on Suzanne’s bike Bike mechanic was interviewed by law enforcement.
May 7, 17:13:52 – Barry Works Out at GD’s House Truck log files place Barry at GD's home at 5:13 pm.
May 7, 2020 23:00 – “I finally got the job” text from MM1 goes unanswered. Q (Lindsey): Anything on May 6th that didn’t seem normal? Was there a text from Mallory to Mr. Morphew? A (Grusing): I believe that’s the night of May 7th. Mallory, Macy, and their friend Holly are out on a trip towards Utah and Mallory is sending pictures to both Suzanne and Barry but I was ... Read more
May 08, 07:03 – The Grievance List: Suzanne’s phone backs up a list of 50 reasons why she wanted to leave marriage on “Notes” Not safe alone with you. Can’t be trusted - Oppressive - Slam on brakes when angry - Threaten to jump out of car - Gun ...
May 08, 08:43 – “I will continue to do your invoicing when you need to.” "When FBI Agents showed Barry these texts during interviews in 2021, he said he did not think Suzanne was serious."
May 08, 09:28 – Suzanne texts sister about Barry’s abuse. “It’s hard dealing with the harsh abrasiveness and having to show respect. He’s also been abusive, emotionally and physically. There’s so much … I went thru a period of acceptance and I feel more angry now. Anger at what I’ve allowed.”
May 08, 10:55 Barry: “I Love You, Suzanne.” “But, in the afternoon, it (the text fight) was like it never happened. She texted me back and it was just like, ‘Hey, what time are you coming home? Hey, this or that. Just pick this up or pick that up.'”
May 08, 13:18 – Barry texts Salida Stove and Spa about getting the hot tub fixed. "Asking when he could come out to the home."
May 08, 15:43 – Barry’s iPhone receives an SMS message associated with the unknown device This second device was first used on November 30,2019 and was associated with Barry’s iPhone 91 times since then, compared to 1,701 associations with the primary User ID since November 2019.
May 8, 19:06 – Moonlight Pizza and Phone Calls Barry convinces Suzanne to meet him at the Tailwinds site before going to pick up Moonlight Pizza together.
May 08, 21:04 – 20 Facebook friend requests, 3 men named “Jeff.” Barry’s lurking at the River. Barry was asked about his phone pinging down by the river during the Facebook posts on Friday night and asked if he was outside. Barry said, “I could have been. I don’t remember. I chase critters around the house all the time.”
May 09, 00:02 – Incoming call on Suzanne’s phone (PH CAST) Incoming call on Suzanne’s phone (PH CAST)
May 09, 02:07 – Outgoing call on Suzanne’s phone (PH CAST) 02:07 am outgoing call on SM’s phone (PH CAST)
May 09, 06:00 – Barry’s phone received call (PH CAST) 06:00 am BM’s phone received call (PH CAST)
May 09, 06:46 – Barry’s phone registered “Power On” Comes out of Airplane mode.
May 09, 07:19 – Barry’s cell received signal (PH) Barry’s cell received signal (PH)
May 09, 07:22 – 07:39 – Barry at “Tailwinds” worksite Barry’s phone registered locations at his “Tailwinds” work site near Poncha Springs.
May 09, 07:35 – Suzanne texting SO Discussing Sheila's daughters wedding on Sunday.
May 09, 08:00 – MG was with Barry working on the rock beach site until 10am(?). Gentile: “He said that he had to go make the wife happy – do some hiking or biking.”
May 9 – Morning – Suzanne messaging Jeff “He’s still wanting Arizona.”
May 09, 09:50 – Barry to Suzanne: Want to go on hike? *Text Exchange\* Barry to Suzanne: Want to go on hike?
May 9, 2020 – 11:14 – Suzanne received a second password reset message from Facebook Previous reset was while Barry was down by the river on the evening of the 8th.
May 09, 11:15 est. – Barry tells Morgan Gentile he could “bury a body” and it “would never be found.” Gentile: “He seemed stressed. He definitely seemed weird on Saturday.”
May 09, 11:55 – Dead Turkey Hunt or Barry Takes Down His Trail Cameras Barry said he was looking for a turkey that Mallory had shot previously with a bow, but they had never found.
May 09, 13:35 – Barry leaves home again. Checked on job at Kim Gyms
May 9, 13:40(?) – Suzanne texts Libler Guess who is alone again?
May 09, 13:46 – Barry and the backhoe After texting, Barry drove by TK's house to see the backhoe, but did not get back in touch to buy it. In 2018, Barry used a backhoe to dig a large hole in his front yard, fill it with items to include furniture, and cover it over, planting alfalfa on top.
May 09, 13:51 – 14:13 – Barry at DSI, replacing Bobcat blade He was wearing a blue t-shirt and khaki shorts.
May 09, 14:03 – Suzanne sends sunbathing pic to Libler, last proof of life. “Well, look at her. She’s obviously drunk. Look at her eyes. Do you know what drunk eyes look like?
May 09, 14:11 – Suzanne sends last LinkedIn message to Libler: “I’m on wa.” Libler sent response messages at 2:39PM, 2:46PM and 2:47PM that Suzanne did not answer.
May 09, 14:26 – Barry texts Suzanne, “Done headed back.” He texted Suzanne that he was done and was headed home.
May 09, 14:31 – Barry texted Suzanne, “Did you leave.” At 2:31 PM, Barry texted Suzanne, “Did you leave.”
May 09, 14:39 – Libler messages Suzanne, she does not respond. First unread. Messages from LinkedIn show they were talking about how Suzanne is in love with Jeff before she went missing.
May 09, 14:43 – Barry’s phone and F-350, per telematics, arrive at the Morphew residence. "The photo is shown in the courtroom, Suzanne smiling. Truck GPS coordinates show Barry’s truck goes into park at 2:43:59. Phone coordinates show he walks around the house. You can hear a pin drop in the courtroom as tension is high." - Carol McKinley, PH Tweet
May 09, 14:44 – Shooting Chipmunks? Barry had a .22 in the moments when Suzanne ceased the communicate with everyone she loved in the world. Shooting Chipmunks? Barry had a .22 in the moments when Suzanne ceased the communicate with everyone she loved in the world. (See: https://www.reddit.com/SuzanneMorphew/comments/17lfboz/barry_and_the_chipmunks_aa_excerpts/ )
May 09, 14:46 – Libler messages: “Hey … your weather looks great” Second unread. No response from Suzanne.
May 09, 14:47 – Jeff sends another messages to Suzanne with no response. Third unread. Jeff sends last message if the day to Suzanne with no response.
May 09, 16:00 – 17:30 – Defense says Barry was at Salida Stove and Spa Salida Stove and Spa's posted hours have the store closing at 2pm on Saturday. Telematics show Barry's truck in his garage during the time he was supposedly at Salida Stove and Spa.
May 09, 16:44 – Barry parks his truck in the garage. Barry claims to have been loading his truck and cleaning off his workbench. (See: https://www.google.com/maps/d/edit?hl=en&mid=1FSqlFRrywR8FkytAYkNM-bdSxvKVK5MP&ll=39.173623131314%2C-105.63244&z=8)
May 09, 17:33 – Barry’s truck system manually rebooted Barry attempted to disable the trucks GPS and SYNC features.
May 09, 18:40, 18:46 – SO sends two Snapchats to Suzanne that were never opened SO sends two Snapchats to Suzanne that were never opened
May 09, 21:25 – Barry’s truck goes into reverse, backs 96.8 feet down driveway Barry backs 96 feet out of the garage.
May 09, 22:17 – Barry’s Phone Exits out of Airplane Mode Barry's phone comes out of airplane mode at the Morphew residence.
May 10, 02:53 – Outgoing call on Suzanne’s phone Possible glitch.
May 10, 03:25 – 03:48 – Barry’s truck door opened and closed "SA Hoyland noted over eighty events involving the F350 during this timeframe."
May 10, 03:58 – Barry’s phone moves from home to near where Suzanne’s bike found 3:58 am BM cell moves from home to near 225/50 where bike found Carol McKinley PH Tweets (read from bottom tweet up): 431 am 5/10 Barry’s phone goes back into airplane mode at the his home. 5:37 am – morphew turns into buena vista & heads towards broomfield. 538 he texts his mom “happy ... Read more
May 10, 04:10 – 04:23 – Last Activity from Suzanne’s iPhone Sergeant Mullenax asked dispatch to ping the number given for Suzanne’s cell phone. Dispatch informed Mullenax that the cell phone appeared to be off and last known activity was at 4:23AM on the present date, with a general location about 11.5 miles west of a cell tower in Poncha Springs, CO.
May 10, 04:32 – Barry’s Phone Goes Back into Airplane Mode Barry's Phone Goes Back into Airplane Mode
May 10, 04:32 – 05:14 – Chasing Elk, or Staging Evidence? Barry's trip to Garfield adds an approximate five miles each way to his morning trip, and places Barry and his vehicle in the direction the helmet was discarded - west from the bicycle.
May 10, 05:00 – Morgan Gentile Hears Barry’s Truck on Hwy 50 Gentile stated she did not see the truck but that his truck has a very distinctive exhaust.
May 10, 05:14 – 06:56 – Barry on the road to Broomfield. Barry phone exits airplane mode while heading towards Buena Vista, CO.
May 10, 08:10 – Trash Dump #1 – RTD Bus Stop Hwy 36 Agent Grusing: "Yes. He would have time -- with the passenger door opening and closing -- like it would say passenger door opened at 8:10:36 am and then passenger door closed at 8:12:13 am. So it took about a minute and a half and that trash can is only 10 to 15 steps away from where the truck was parked."
May 10, 08:14 – 08:20 Holiday Inn Express, Broomfield. Trash Dump #2 Grusing: "He said he parked there because he hoped someone would come out and he could go in the hotel before checking in and get a free breakfast." (Note: It was mid-COVID lockdown, building capacities were down to single digits.)
May 10, 08:41 – 08:46 – “I made it to Broomfield call me when you get a chance” Barry texts Suzanne.
May 10, 08:46 – Barry carries items into the Holiday Inn Express “If there’s clothes in my truck, there was probably old clothes I threw away.”
May 10, 10:06 – Barry exits hotel room. He's carrying a charcoal long-sleeved shirt, two white bags, and a pair of boots.
May 10, 10:20 – 10:41 – McDonald’s – Trash Dump #3 SA Grusing said Barry had a small item in his hand and used one arm to push it down, then both to push it further down as Barry was shown the photos.
May 10, 10:47 – 11:18 – Men’s Wearhouse Trash Dump #4 Barry was told he was there for about 40 minutes and asked if he remembered what he was doing there. Barry said, “I think I was still cleaning my truck, umm, yeah, yeah I mean, like I said, I just uh, I would, I was probably getting crap out of my truck like I said, which I’ve done my whole entire life.”
May 10, 11:18 – Barry calls MG "Barry called he was out of breathe (sic) panting but fatigue, kind a like hungover but he doesn’t drink, honestly when I hung up I thought to myself he sounded like he had the worst night of his life.” - MG
May 10, 11:23 – 11:36 – Barry back at the HIE Barry carries in disorganized papers in a binder. Carries out an organized binder.
May 10, 11:57 – 12:25 – Barry at the worksite Barry spent 28 minutes removing a few blocks from the wall.
May 10, 12:28 – 12:41 – HIE Trash Dump #5 A camera recorded Barry throwing away: a small item, one white trash bag, larger in size than the previous bags in one hand, a black container, along with a piece of clothing, possibly a camouflage coat.
May 10, 12:42 – 18:03 – Barry remains in his HIE room. ”At 3:30PM, Barry sent an outgoing message to Suzanne 'Call me'"
May 10, 2020 (Time Unknown) – Libler wishes Suzanne a Happy Mother’s Day Commented that it would be a hard day because she missed her own mother.
May 10, 2020 – 15:30 – Barry texts Suzanne from his hotel room. At 3:30PM, Barry sent an outgoing message to Suzanne “Call me”
May 10, 15:50 – 17:45 – Suzanne is discovered “missing” “I’m just so sad and REDCATED and I texted mom for Mother’s Day and she still hasn’t answered and I’m scared her and dad probably got in a big fight and I don’t even know it just made me want to be gone even more because I don’t want to be around them it hurts me and I know if REDACTED is working I might have to be home a lot more and it’ll probably be the worst summer of my life.”- MM2 text.
May 10, 17:55 – 19:10 – Barry leaving Broomfield 6:10 pm - Barry entered the lobby carrying two shovels and placed them beside the front desk. He made subsequent trips, placing more tools in the same spot.
May 10, 19:31 – Chaffee County finds the bike “Something is up with the front tire,” Deputy Brown
May 10, 20:42 – Barry arrives at CR 255 & US 50 "Barry is heard asking if deputies saw any “cats” on the road and a deputy says not recently."
May 10, 21:37 – CCSO Commander Avila brings Barry into the house for scent items. Barry does not call out or look for his wife in the home.
May 10, After 21:47 – Barefoot prints in the Bobcat Bucket Deputy Brown was walking in the driveway when Deputy Defurio told him that there were barefoot marks inside of the bucket on the Bobcat. Deputy Brown went with him to examine and found that the cutting blade on the bucket of the Bobcat appeared to be newly replaced, along with the nuts and bolts.
May 10, 22:00 – MG and JP smell chlorine and have the wrong tools in Broomfield. “It looked like Barry had removed top caps that was it. We also did not have the tools we need like a packer or gravel.”
May 11, 2020 – First Interviews, Puma Path Searched "On May 11, 2020, at about 7:00AM, Barry called Morgan and said that Suzanne was missing and he thought a mountain lion may have attacked her. Morgan explained that Barry was initially crying but then abruptly shifted to the specifics about the Broomfield job."
May 11, 2020 – 14:47 – Libler sends last message to Suzanne. Wishing her well for her scheduled final cancer treatment that day.
May 12, 2020 – 20:00 – Barry found digging in the trash at Poncha Market “He went to write down a description of maybe what she was wearing,” Butala said. “I just thought it was weird because he didn’t explain what the color of her eyes were or her hair or anything about her, like how tall she was or anything.”
May 13, 2020 – Deputy Carricato took photos of scratches on Barry’s left arm and hands. These injuries appeared to be healing, several days old scratches.
May 13, 2020 – Fundraiser created $33,552 raised
May 17, 2020 – 11:13 – Barry’s “plea” video is released on Facebook. “Oh Suzanne, if anyone is out there and can hear this, that has you, please, we’ll do whatever it takes to bring you back. We love you, we miss you, your girls need you. No questions asked, however much they want – I will do whatever it takes to get you back. Honey, I love you, I want you back so bad.”
May 19, 2020 – Interviews, Pneu-Darts, Range Rovers "CCSO Deputy Scott Himschoot was present during the search at 19057 Puma Path, in the laundry room, and was asked to collect a “pneu-dart box, empty,” one plastic hypodermic cover, one Pneu-dart book from safe in garage, one dart from box under bench in garage, among other items. The plastic cover was located by evidence search teams in the dryer, inside of the sheets belonging to REDACTED bed." (At some point we had confirmation of a to-do list Suzanne left including MM1s bedding in hopes that the older girls would spend the night. Cannot remember the source.)
May 20, 2020 – Spy Pen found. "The pen was located in a cloth bin amongst women’s bras. The cloth bin and pen were inside the walk-in closet in the master bedroom, located on the ground level of the residence. Detective Hysjulien located, with the pen, the controller and headphones for playback and a USB cable."
June 1, 2020 – Barry files for guardianship. Within a month of Suzanne’s disappearance, Barry began to liquidate assets.
June 1, 2020 – TD interviews Barry on camera. "So, uh -- we uh --. We had two daughters that were coming home from a trip. And I got a job in Denver that I wanted to get started on on Sunday. Set it up for my work because my rookies are coming in Sunday night. (Unintelligible) Monday but I, being the owner, I wanted to get everything lined up so that (Unintelligible).
June 6, 2020 – Barry closes on IN home. Pockets $750,000
June 25, 2020 – Barry purchases the Longhorn Ranch property for $165,000 Property Address 8366 LONGHORN DR
July 13, 2020 – Barry sells Suzanne’s Range Rover. Leaves Suzanne's sunglasses in the car.
Aug 20, 2020 – Lauren Scharf Interviews Barry “People don’t know the truth, so they’re gonna think what they’re gonna think.”
October 05, 2020 – Barry lists Puma Path home for sale. Originally listed for $1,759,000.
November 2020 – Barry Commits Voter Fraud Barry filled out Suzanne's ballot and mailed it in.
February 17, 2021 – Barry Sells Longhorn Ranch property for $150,000 A $15,000 loss. Same property sold on 04/21/2021 for $175,000, indicating Barry needed the money fast.
March 3, 2021 – 19057 Puma Path sells for $1,625,000. Barry and Suzanne Morphew purchased the home on April 12, 2018 for $1,575,000.
May 4, 2021 – Warrant Issued for the Arrest of Barry Lee Morphew CRS/CHARGE: 18-3-102 (1), (a) Murder in the First Degree, a class 1 Felony, 18-8-610. Tampering with Physical Evidence, a class 6 felony, 18-8-306, Attempt to Influence a Public Servant, a class 4 Felony.
May 5, 2021 – 09:15 – Barry Lee Morphew Arrested for the murder of Suzanne Renee Moorman Morphew "Morphew was arrested around 9:15 a.m. on Wednesday, May 5 near his home in Poncha Springs. FOX31 News has obtained video of the arrest, which shows his truck stopped on the side of the road near several police vehicles. He can be seen standing just off the road with an officer." AA: https://www.documentcloud.org/documents/21065843-21cr78-morphew-redacted-affidavit
August 9-12, 2021 – Preliminary Hearing. Day One: https://docs.google.com/document/d/15wZ86C3zQ6kh9VGOUCJcr0ipCoFeaXkdowmwyaruiIQ/edit?usp=drive_link
Day Two: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1QKa1jcH2dAqe9Wezew-KbLCDuicrm1HgfwC4oGwM8Dg/edit?usp=drive_link
Day Three got corrupted so it's gone.
People's exhibit images: https://imgur.com/a/hgvlBUt Defense exhibit images: https://imgur.com/a/VC3ZfUZ
April 19, 2022 - Case against Barry Morphew Dismissed Without Prejudice. Prosecution asked for the case to be dismissed.
May 2, 2023 – Barry files $15,000,000 lawsuit against Chaffee County, et.al. https://www.9news.com/article/news/local/barry-morphew-lawsuit/73-3cea50c2-cdae-4338-8de9-9e113d33db6c
May 8, 2023 – Fraud Lawsuit filed against Barry in Indiana. Property dispute. https://denvergazette.com/news/courts/barry-morphew-sued-fraud-allegations-land-dispute/article_1c7cd90e-f4f5-11ed-9778-47c9c303d16d.html
September 22, 2023 – Suzanne's Remains Found Near Moffat in Saguache County While SCSO was searching for another (unrelated) missing woman. https://www.cbsnews.com/colorado/news/suzanne-morphew-remains-found-colorado-missing-mother-barry-chaffee-county-disappearance/
Sept. 27, 2023 – Autopsy Completed. Awaiting Toxicology. https://cbi.colorado.gov/news-article/suzanne-morphew-autopsy-results-cbi-update-0https://www.cbsnews.com/colorado/news/autopsy-complete-remains-missing-colorado-mom-suzanne-morphew/
April 29, 2024 – Toxicology finds BAM in Suzanne's bone marrow. “Homicide by undetermined means in the setting of butorphanol, azaperone, and medetomidine intoxication.” https://www.scribd.com/document/727780041/Suzanne-Morphew-autopsy-results https://www.cpr.org/2024/04/29/suzanne-morphew-died-by-homicide-with-tranquilizer-chemicals-present-in-body-according-to-autopsy-report/
Complete Case Overview (Official News Reports and Documents)
What Suzanne Left Behind (PH Exhibits)
Suzanne's Texts with SO Sept 2019
Barry's Unstableness: Suzanne's Text Conversion with SO September 1 (PH Exhibits)
Where was Barry on the 9th - Preliminary Hearing Exhibits
Barry and the Chipmunks (AA Excerpts)
Barry's dirty truck and poorly maintained rifle. PH Exhibits
Suzanne's Last Days - Timeline - May 4th - May 9th, 2020
Barry Buries a Body - May 10th, 2020 - Timeline
Barry Busy in Broomfield Part One (Preliminary Hearing Exhibits)
Barry Busy in Broomfield Part Two (PH Exhibits)