Basement plumbing rough in diagram

Chapter 2
Before doing a deep dive into my memory flashes to discover and how and why my life unfolded the way it did I think I’ll do a timeline. This will help me and the reader (if anyone follows along at all) put the pieces in chronological order.
I was born to a teenage mom, a month after she turned 16 and a barely drinking age dad. No memory, so these early years (before the court) will be what I’ve been told.
“Had the perfect family and the mom who adored me”
At two they decided to break up and it was very ugly. My paternal grandparents paid for the best lawyer in all of the state to get my dad custody. He was accused of molesting me (my mom’s argument in court) I don’t know why it was so ugly but during the trial I was placed in a facility and only allowed short visits. Here is an excerpt from their website.
“We are a behavioral health agency specializing in the treatment of families, children and their caregivers who are struggling due to issues of divorce, homelessness, child abuse/neglect, family violence or other crises. Our highly trained staff specializes in trauma-informed treatment methods that create a safe and comfortable environment in which our clients can heal. We serve children, youth and their families struggling with mental and behavioral health issues that impact their success at home, school and in their community.”
I was then allowed to be with my maternal grandparents while the case continued. She had an in home daycare. My grandpa was not by blood. She had divorced my mom’s dad when my mom was just a baby. He was dark and satanic, into satanic rituals and things like that. A biker. And a pedophile. I never knew him.
My dad won the case and my mom lost all custody and was not granted any visitation at all. (And I didn’t see her or speak with her again until I was around 5. Then again at 14. Then again at 16.)I lived with my dad and his parents and siblings and saw maternal grandparents every other weekend.
At three, I went to a private preschool.
At four I attended a public school where my paternal grandma was a principal and my maternal grandma was a teachers aid as well. Here I stayed for preschool through half of second grade.
My grandparents decided they were no longer happy where we were. My grandpa moved to the mountains and my grandma moved to Georgetown in DC to attend the Jesuit college.
My dad met Jennifer (name changed) at this time and we moved into her downtown apartment. I changed schools. Finished my 2nd grade year and half of third grade.
We moved from the apartment back into my childhood home and I changed schools again. Finished my 3rd grade and half of fourth grade at a new school.
Half way through my fourth grade year I was sent to Georgetown with paternal grandma and aunt. My dad and Jennifer stayed at home. We lived in the basement of a multimillion dollar home in the heart of where the wealthy live. Cobblestone streets. Beautiful houses and lots of money. Like from a movie. I went to a very elite small elementary school with only one class per grade. I finished fourth grade and fifth grade here.
The summer of sixth grade my dad had broken up with Jennifer and moved to the mountains with my grandpa. I moved back with them. I went from super ritzy upscale city life with two women, to a small house in the mountains with barely even indoor plumbing with 2 men. The town was small and secluded. Everyone knew everyone type of place. only one elementary school and the middle school was on the same premises of the high school. I was here 6th grade through half of 9th grade. My dad then met Candace (name changed) and moved thirty minutes away to slightly bigger town with her. These years I went every summer to stay with my grandma who had moved from DC to Arlington, VA and lived in crystal city.
Over the summer I was sent to live in New York City with my aunt. When summer was over, we got an apartment in staten island so I could attend school and she commuted to the city everyday by ferry. This school had thousands of kids and seemed like hundreds of classes. This was when 9/11 happened. I was in my language class (Italian) when the news came over the intercom. My auntie worked near the world trade center by only blocks. She made the last ferry out and came to the school, which was on lockdown, for me. I didn’t go back to the city for the remainder of 2001.
In March of 02 my dad came to NY packed us both up and we drove across the country to cali to drop her off then back to southwest. I moved back to the small town with my dad and Candace. And finished the last months of my sophomore year commuting the thirty minutes to my old school. They were a violent and toxic couple so I begged to move back to grandpas in the mountain town.
I changed schools again for my junior year. I went to one of two high schools in the slightly bigger town where my dad and Candace lived. Close to my senior year my dad came to my work one night and said he and Candace had broken up. He had a small apartment. A one bedroom. I was welcome to stay and he would take the couch. He knew 18 was close and he wanted me to live with him before I was out on my own. I did. I met my husband this year as well. He lived close to where I was born. We stayed long distance until I turned 18. When I turned 18, I found a charter school in my original hometown and we got an apartment.
The rest is history. My adult life is another novel of its own and I’m exhausted.
I fear posting this. If anyone were to come across it by chance they would know immediately it was me. And the memories I hope to uncover are to humiliating and intense and known by no one. I have never spoke about them to anyone. The other obvious issue is if in fact I was a victim in mkultra/child trafficking, it automatically implies my family must have had some kind of knowledge. Which would imply they did this to me. And if it’s not true everything I write and all the memory flashes are just me being a slut and having zero self worth. It would be that I’m was the problem the entire time.
And why did I never finish a school year any where? Lol
No, maybe this is a mistake. Maybe everything is better left unsaid and uncovered. I’m exhausted now.

Chapter 2
Before doing a deep dive into my memory flashes to discover and how and why my life unfolded the way it did I think I’ll do a timeline. This will help me and the reader (if anyone follows along at all) put the pieces in chronological order.
I was born to a teenage mom, a month after she turned 16 and a barely drinking age dad. No memory, so these early years (before the court) will be what I’ve been told.
“Had the perfect family and the mom who adored me”
At two they decided to break up and it was very ugly. My paternal grandparents paid for the best lawyer in all of the state to get my dad custody. He was accused of molesting me (my mom’s argument in court) I don’t know why it was so ugly but during the trial I was placed in a facility and only allowed short visits. Here is an excerpt from their website.
“We are a behavioral health agency specializing in the treatment of families, children and their caregivers who are struggling due to issues of divorce, homelessness, child abuse/neglect, family violence or other crises. Our highly trained staff specializes in trauma-informed treatment methods that create a safe and comfortable environment in which our clients can heal. We serve children, youth and their families struggling with mental and behavioral health issues that impact their success at home, school and in their community.”
I was then allowed to be with my maternal grandparents while the case continued. She had an in home daycare. My grandpa was not by blood. She had divorced my mom’s dad when my mom was just a baby. He was dark and satanic, into satanic rituals and things like that. A biker. And a pedophile. I never knew him.
My dad won the case and my mom lost all custody and was not granted any visitation at all. (And I didn’t see her or speak with her again until I was around 5. Then again at 14. Then again at 16.)I lived with my dad and his parents and siblings and saw maternal grandparents every other weekend.
At three, I went to a private preschool.
At four I attended a public school where my paternal grandma was a principal and my maternal grandma was a teachers aid as well. Here I stayed for preschool through half of second grade.
My grandparents decided they were no longer happy where we were. My grandpa moved to the mountains and my grandma moved to Georgetown in DC to attend the Jesuit college.
My dad met Jennifer (name changed) at this time and we moved into her downtown apartment. I changed schools. Finished my 2nd grade year and half of third grade.
We moved from the apartment back into my childhood home and I changed schools again. Finished my 3rd grade and half of fourth grade at a new school.
Half way through my fourth grade year I was sent to Georgetown with paternal grandma and aunt. My dad and Jennifer stayed at home. We lived in the basement of a multimillion dollar home in the heart of where the wealthy live. Cobblestone streets. Beautiful houses and lots of money. Like from a movie. I went to a very elite small elementary school with only one class per grade. I finished fourth grade and fifth grade here.
The summer of sixth grade my dad had broken up with Jennifer and moved to the mountains with my grandpa. I moved back with them. I went from super ritzy upscale city life with two women, to a small house in the mountains with barely even indoor plumbing with 2 men. The town was small and secluded. Everyone knew everyone type of place. only one elementary school and the middle school was on the same premises of the high school. I was here 6th grade through half of 9th grade. My dad then met Candace (name changed) and moved thirty minutes away to slightly bigger town with her. These years I went every summer to stay with my grandma who had moved from DC to Arlington, VA and lived in crystal city.
Over the summer I was sent to live in New York City with my aunt. When summer was over, we got an apartment in staten island so I could attend school and she commuted to the city everyday by ferry. This school had thousands of kids and seemed like hundreds of classes. This was when 9/11 happened. I was in my language class (Italian) when the news came over the intercom. My auntie worked near the world trade center by only blocks. She made the last ferry out and came to the school, which was on lockdown, for me. I didn’t go back to the city for the remainder of 2001.
In March of 02 my dad came to NY packed us both up and we drove across the country to cali to drop her off then back to southwest. I moved back to the small town with my dad and Candace. And finished the last months of my sophomore year commuting the thirty minutes to my old school. They were a violent and toxic couple so I begged to move back to grandpas in the mountain town.
I changed schools again for my junior year. I went to one of two high schools in the slightly bigger town where my dad and Candace lived. Close to my senior year my dad came to my work one night and said he and Candace had broken up. He had a small apartment. A one bedroom. I was welcome to stay and he would take the couch. He knew 18 was close and he wanted me to live with him before I was out on my own. I did. I met my husband this year as well. He lived close to where I was born. We stayed long distance until I turned 18. When I turned 18, I found a charter school in my original hometown and we got an apartment.
The rest is history. My adult life is another novel of its own and I’m exhausted.
I fear posting this. If anyone were to come across it by chance they would know immediately it was me. And the memories I hope to uncover are to humiliating and intense and known by no one. I have never spoke about them to anyone. The other obvious issue is if in fact I was a victim in mkultra/child trafficking, it automatically implies my family must have had some kind of knowledge. Which would imply they did this to me. And if it’s not true everything I write and all the memory flashes are just me being a slut and having zero self worth. It would be that I’m was the problem the entire time.
And why did I never finish a school year any where? Lol
No, maybe this is a mistake. Maybe everything is better left unsaid and uncovered. I’m exhausted now.

This is the start of my 10th day out, after 5 years in ODRC. My situation right now is better than a lot of guys who just got out. My dad's still here and he lent me money to get a PC and phone. When I got locked up I was selling things online, and he also managed to get into the place I had and saved my clothing and the things I sell. The basement in this place was full of totes of merchandise, all I need to do is sort it all out and start selling. But I haven't been able to.
It's great that he saved that stuff. It's a job without needing to deal with all the stigma of applying to work for a company right after release. I have like 30 shirts now and maybe a 15 pair of pants and shorts and boxers and all of that. I'm lucky as hell for it and I know that. But it's like I can't deal with it. The stuff is all tossed together and will take days to sort. It's rocks. Some natural rough, some tumbled, some facetable rough. The labels I had on them are gone, so there are several I noticed that I don't even remember what they are. He also saved 6 of the Husky steel rack shelving units I had them on, which is enough to hold about half of them.
I got the racks all put together with no problem. They've been in basements and dirty garages for years and were covered in mouse poop and caked on shit, but cleaning them and getting them put together was easy. I felt motivated to do it. But then I started to mess with the actual rocks and just ended up tossing containers onto shelves mostly blindly to get them off the floor. I've tried to go down and sort them 3 times now, but within 5 minutes I have to walk away and that's it for the day.
I was just starting my own business right before I got locked up. I was 9 months in and working pretty much constantly, working with those rocks pretty much was my entire life right before my arrest. It's like I have some very strong aversion to it now. When I try to work with them or even think about sorting them it's like a huge surge of stress and maybe terror but it also feels kind of like emptiness... like being locked up might have been constant terror on some level but I kept it pushed down so now that's just sort of what feels like emptiness now.
Does that make sense to anyone? I don't want people here to think I'm being lazy and avoiding working and I want to bring money in to help out so much, but it's like something's broken or disconnected inside about it and I just can't handle jumping right back into what I was doing right before getting locked up yet. Has anyone else gone through that? How long did it take to deal with?
In the 9 days I've been out I have met with my PO (finally, two days ago) and got approved for food assistance and bought groceries (yesterday). The week before that my mom was in the hospital and the day after she went in my dad woke me up yelling for help because he threw his back out and had to go to the bathroom. When I went into his bedroom there were a dozen piles of bloody puppy shit from his dog. My dad's back was so bad it took me 30 minutes to get him from the bed into a kitchen chair I brought up and put right beside it. He couldn't make it to the bathroom so I brought him an empty coffee container to piss in. He hurt bad enough to do it and was probably embarrassed by it, but to me that was pretty normal. Everyone has a piss jug, right?
Then I cleaned up all the puppy shit and scrubbed the rug and hand washed his sheets since it was on them. Didn't have a license to go to the laundromat so I had to wait 2 days until he felt better enough to drive me so I could get all the laundry washed. During all that my mom was in a hospital only like 6 blocks from my dad's place. They're separated but I walked up to visit with my mom and make sure she was alright twice a day, and cooked and did dishes for my dad since he couldn't those days. And I've only managed to sleep 5 hours maybe 3 times, the rest of it it's waking up after an hour or two and unable to get back to bed. And there's no shower here, just a tub. I've only managed to get in once. Idk what's with it. Maybe just the difference in how exposed and vulnerable you'd be in a tub vs a nice safe little shower where someone can only come from one place. I know no one's going to come in, but... fuck. I don't know.
Yesterday was supposed to be my first big day sorting the rocks and getting ready to take pictures and post online, but I went down to do it and it immediately felt wrong and within a few minutes I just sort of broke. Like it's hard to look at them and think about them. For 5 years I was broke in prison and thinking about them stressed me out because I couldn't do anything about them and no one on the outside knew anything about them to sell some and get me some money. Thinking about them was just a ton of stress, so I made myself not think about them at all. I avoided the thought to avoid the stress. Now I'm out and I can actually finally do something about them and turn them into money... but even though I want to do that I still can't think about them. That seems crazy.
Now it's 5am and I've been up since 3. I actually slept from 8pm-3am. It's the most sleep I've gotten. I know I really need to go down to the basement and get some work done today so I can start bringing in money, but I'm afraid I'll go down there and just sort of stun up inside again.
Just needed to get that out.

TLDR: Trying to figure out which scan tool from Autel or others can show cam desired versus actual on 3.6 Pentastar.
Following up on some major seevice work at 171k miles on 2014 Wrangler 3.6 / auto and need some advice please:
Changed plugs, coils, injectors, oil cooler (dorman aluminum version) timing set (Melling) and cam phasers with new control valves (Standard Motor Products).
I don’t do this for a living but am definitely on the serious side of amateur / hobbiest. I’ve probably rebuilt to spec several dozen engines ranging from 1970’s Jaguars through FJ40’s lots of GM products in 4,6,8 cylinders, light truck and commercial diesels and powerstroke Diesels. I’ve never had a failure to start, run, or last. I have and followed factory service manual for the JK Jeep. I should have been able to do this!
Startup was rough but after a few attempts at cranking she bled the injectors and fired right up. Idles smoothly. Oil pressure 91-95 PSI cold and 25-30 hot at idle. Battery and alternator voltage good (don’t recall exact value). Within a 1/4 mile I was in limp mode with traction control and check wngine lights on. All of the codes are P000a-d. “Camshaft Slow Response”. Engine runs smooth through 5000+ rpm, but shifts are limited to 4th gear. So I drive to work 18 miles each way. Next day the lights go off and everything is golden. After 3-4 restarts, limp mode is back and wont go away!
Factory service manual says oil change, then replace pcm. Nope, not at those $$. I want to know what is wrong! So I do a bit of parts cannon…. New cam position sensors, although the fault seems to be on all 4 randomly. JSCAN only says “at least one fault has been counted in this position recently”. New crank position sensor. New cam VVT Solenoids. No Changes.
Then I start tracing grounds from the solenoids and get some intermittent high resistance. Ive had weird groundingg problems before, and I realized that my battery cable terminal negative side isnt clamping well. I can lift it off the post. The harness is generally crunchy and shitty from 10 years in desert heat, so I decided to re-do them.
Pulled the entire wiring harness off the engine and yanked the battery cables out. Replaced them with 2awg and bolt-down terminals. Continuity checked every ground terminal pin to pin. No fails. Same on the power side.
Fun side note, the 2014 Factory Wiring diagram has a major typo in showing incorrect ground terminal locations!
So, put that all back, pulled valve covers again, checked timing marks against youtube. It all seems right. I did not pull the timing cover again. I did clean the bits of metal powder off the camshaft tone rings with paper towel and brake clean. Restart engine. Starts instantly. Cam rattle for about 1 second, perfectly smooth idle. Same codes within 45 seconds.
So, i need a scan tool. Factory service manual says to check desired versus actual cam and crank positions. My old scan tool was PC based AutoEnginuity, but I hate the PC aspect and the subscription lapsed about 8 years ago. So im looking at Autel, but overwhelmed by all the options with very little info.
Can anyone tell me what level of Autel can show that live position versus desired position? Should I look elsewhere?
Mechanically, can you tell me if it is possible to overtorque an oil control valve? I keep wondering if the cam phasers could be dragging because they might be too tight? But if you grab the cam with a wrench, it moves easily and moves the phaser, so the lock pins are seated.
Cost isn’t a huge concern, especially if I can find a tool with longevity, but I cant use it for work, so it wont pay back / trying to avoid the Snap-off-in-you van. I can go a long way into trying to squeeze another 150k miles out of this rig before I lay down for a new Jeep at $75k plus!
Thank you for any and all advice and ideas. Brainstorming will help and I’m grateful for it.

When I was around 9-10 years old (so roughly 2012-2013) I played a flash game online which I’ve remembered all my life and tried to find.
Surprisingly, I have found nothing, almost as if the game never even existed.
This is what I know I can remember:

1. the game was an online singeplayer flash game 2. The genre was horror but didn't have jumpscares
2. Black and white
3. The gameplay was very simple; involving the player clicking between photos of black and white landscapes/rooms
4. There was a creepy baby or doll in a basement
5. The game ended with you taking a photo of an elderly person, who doesnt show up in the resulting photo

Bonus: I believe the game had sequels
Thank you reddit! I would love to find this it’s been driving me crazy

This dream woke me up last night and the came back when I fell back asleep so I feel like there must be something I'm supposed to get out of it.
I was in a rustic looking house (maybe cabin?) that had a rough wood floor. In one version, an ex boyfriend was there. In the other I don't remember him being in the house. The floor explodes and it revealed what seemed to be a vault. It wasn't a basement. It was reinforced and there was a metal briefcase embedded in the wall that I couldn't remove.
It's all I can remember. Any thoughts?

Hi everyone!
Trying to determine if I’m getting ripped off or not.
I have an 1100 sq ft basement that had very uneven concrete floors and was unfinished. 695sq ft is being finished, the rest is storage/mech room.
I’m paying $68k ($97/sq ft) to have the floors cut out and leveled, plumbing moved, and then a family room, full bathroom, and bedroom with closet/egress window built; plus a redone stair case to the basement. Using 20mm LVT vinyl flooring and then opting out of a drywall ceiling and instead painting the current unfinished ceiling black. Does this seem like a fair price, or am I getting screwed?
I wasn’t concerned until googling and seeing $45k as the national average, so just wanting to check. For context- this is in Indianapolis

A few weeks ago, my wife and I started to smell what seemed like gas emanating from our basement.
Naturally, we called Eversource up at their gas emergency number ([800-592-2000](tel: 800-592-2000)) to have someone come over and inspect the problem.
An hour later, a guy comes over, goes into our basement, sniffs around for a few seconds and says "that's not gas". Bewildered, I ask him if he smells anything at all and he says "yea, I smell something musty but it's not gas." He (confidently and incorrectly) asserts that the sump pump I have under my crawl space is actually a sewage ejector and that maybe that could potentially be a source for what I'm smelling. He also tries to convince me that something possibly died somewhere in my basement.
Afterwards, he goes upstairs, turns on the gas on my stove and (condescendingly) asks whether I think that the basement smelled like that. Unfortunately, at this point, I'd been gaslighted (no pun intended) into believing that the answer is no.
A few days later, I call up a local plumber to take a look at the plumbing in my basement to see whether the source of the smell could be coming from something else (i.e. sewage gas). However, as soon as he enters the basement, he immediately says "Oh yea, that's natural gas". I ask him whether he thinks the smell could be sewage gas instead, but he asserts that sewage gas would have a more vomity smell. He recommends that I call Eversource up to check up on it and that this time they should come in with a gas sniffer to ACTUALLY PROPERLY PROBE AROUND.
The next day, the smell becomes pretty unbearable and I call Eversource up again. This time, I stressed that someone come in with a gas sniffer instead of just using their nose. A different guy comes in and seemingly probes everywhere but unfortunately doesn't find anything. Like the first guy, he also claims that he doesn't smell anything at all (which is astounding given how strong the smell is).
A few days later, I have a guy come in to do my annual air conditioner and furnace checkup and fortunately he has a gas sniffer with him. WITHIN SECONDS he recognizes the smell. WITHIN MINUTES with his gas sniffer, he's able to figure out WHERE the gas leak is coming from. I FEEL SO RELIEVED from having my suspicions validated that I was tempted to give him a gigantic hug (but end up just vigorously shaking his hand instead).
So my overall takeaway is that Cambridge Eversource has some REALLY bottom of the barrel technicians. This is super dangerous for anyone who might actually have a real gas leak emergency around the area and I want people to be aware of it.

Just like I mentioned in title, I’m adding new bathroom in my basement. The contractor is saying that rather than adding new plumbing vent, he will connect the new vent to existing vent in attic right before it goes outside over the roof. Will this be okay or should I force to have separate plumbing vent?

For background my wife Lola (38F) and I (37M) are swingers, we have rules and because of those rules it works in OUR marriage. Occasionally Lola will tell her childhood best friend Jessica (40F) about our crazy fun nights, which kinda lead to this ordeal.
So 3 years ago Jessica and her husband started going on a health kick and began drastically loosing weight, my wife and I fully supported this. Jessica would explain that she happily lost 85 lbs while her husband Rodger would complain that the diet makes him miserable he too lost about 45 lbs.
This went on for over 2 years and all things considered they both look amazing. But I noticed that they were getting distant towards each other.
One Friday night in January, Jessica called begging us to pick her up and get her out of her house (some type of trouble at home). So we drive over and instead of us coming in and saying hi to everyone she basically rushes out, saying Rodger was downstairs pissed and refused to come out.
We went to a local pool bar and when we’re asking what the deal was Jessica asks Lola to talk privately. I go to buy the next few rounds and when I come comeback Lola is noticeably shook, face is pale white. I try to press for information but get the “don’t worry about it” although Jessica does let a few thing slip throughout the night. Apparently she and Rodger haven’t had sex in a while and Rodger had started eating out again, constantly. We play our games, enjoy our drinks, then drop Jessica off her house.
Jessica asks me to talk to Rodger and try to cheer him up. Keep in mind I don’t know anything, so I get him a beer from the fridge and join him in the basement. I ask him what gives and instead of talking to me about the subject he brings up baseball stats and starts texting me.
“What would you do if your wife cheated on you? Jess has been having an affair, for over 2 years”
Realizing what he’s doing I start talking about the team’s short stop and wait for the next message.
“The bitch made me starve myself for years, just to make me a cuck. The only reason we’re on that stupid diet and going to the gym is because Jessicas fling wanted her skinny enough to pick up and pin to a wall” Swinger or not, I feel bad for any person who’s being cheated on.
Fast forward through the bulk of his texts, apparently he suspected Jessica of cheating, so Rodger installed security cameras without telling her. Then later that week he had proof, her co-worker Petter “came by to drop off some things” immediately after Rodger left for work, stayed for about 40 mins then left clothes all messed up. When Rodger got home he found used condoms in the trash and dirty lingerie in the hamper. That was roughly last September, in November he confronted her about “thinking” she was cheating, he explained that he wouldn’t ask if she was, but if she was and broke it off, they could do therapy to fix their relationship, basically giving her an out. However he got very depressed and the relationship just kinda fizzled out, keep in mind he was actively telling me this in January.
Apparently that morning Rodger had taken their kids out of school to go to the hospital for a paternity test. (Yes both kids are his, but that act of pulling them out of school caused additional drama) I did what I could to comfort him, asked what I could do to help. He typed he had everything under control but if he did eventually file for a divorce he asked I talk to his lawyer about him getting custody. I said yes and he told me he’d give me more info on Monday.
After that I had to go, my wife and I said our goodbyes then went back up our car. Lola immediately told me Jessica’s side of the story, because yeah we don’t keep secrets at all. Apparently Jessica wanted to be swingers like us. Lola’s stories inspired Jessica to ask Rodger he said no.
Rodger is apparently very Vanilla “missionary only and only for reproduction” kinda guy. And that was ultimately what caused Jessica to cheat with Petter, who did not love her back just liked having a regular FWB.
We both talk about them while driving home and I showed Lola all the texts from Rodger. Which ultimately caused us to fight. Lola got mad at me for saying Rodger was a Victim because Jessica cheated, she forced him to go on a crazy diet and join a costly gym just to further her affair, and that he is justified in demanding a paternity test for their two kids. Additionally if he want to file for divorce that’s understandable but Lola felt Jessica was the Victim (or about to be one) because Rodger went behind her back to conduct the paternity test and his due to depression eventually making it their sex life non-existent, if he wants to try and rebuild their relationship he needs to follow through with the “adult time”. And she says that regardless of the reason behind it the diet did get them in better shape, a the ends justifies the means kinda thing.
Eventually Lola told Jessica that Rodger was thinking about it and that caused a big fight at their house, Rodger left and stayed at his parents house for the weekend. Monday came and went and he didn’t tell me anything so I assumed they tried to repair things.
That following Thursday, Rodger served her divorce papers while she was at work. And he had told Jessica boss about affairs mentioning he had videos proving it (multiple, all 3 months worth of Petter visiting prior to him confronting her, and one dated afterward when she “stopped” seeing him ) Peter and Jessica were both fired shortly after as part of a breach in contract due to inner office relations.
Lola keeps saying I need to help Jessica, since she’s a single mom of two and is about to be homeless and unemployed, apparently since the divorce Jessica’s entire family found out the full details (to include that we’re swingers and have distance themselves from all of us, it’s a small community so the gossip spread around) and no one is helping Jessica except my wife.
It is now May and they have fully divorced. Rodger is finally talking to me again, for a while he assumed we’d played with his wife which I explained no we haven’t. We brought it up once long before they were dating but decided she’s too much of a friend that she’s almost family and it’d be weird. He now has partial custody and although he lost most his things in the divorce, they agreed to sell their house although she’ll get the higher percentage. I took Rodger to find an affordable 3 bedroom for when he has the kids.
My wife says I’m being sexist only helping the guy because I’m a guy. However I feel he is a complete victim here. Regardless what a judge says, his wife cheated and ruined their family. I’m unsure if he went too far by serving her papers at work, he definitely should’ve told her boss about who the other man was but yeah overall I think he’s the victim.
AITA for siding with Rodger?

House is 102 years old with cedar shake siding and a brick foundation basement with the brick extending ~2-3 feet up from the ground to the siding/wood floor joists. From old Google Maps images, I see the house's brick had been painted a fire-engine red since at least 2007 or 2008--whenever it was first photographed--and that that red was painted over in gray shortly before being placed on the market in 2018. Well, the brick isn't in great shape in many spots, and I'm wondering what my options are. Do I pay a mason a buttload of money to remove the paint and then do the necessary tuckpointing? Is there anything that can be done to 1) protect what I already have (i.e., stop the decay/moisture intrusion) and 2) provide an anesthetically pleasing look (assuming the foundation in its current state is still solid and safe)? Do I do nothing and pray every night my house still stands the next day? Is there yet another option?
We applied paint stripper to a manageable area, and it certainly works, removing both the gray and red paints, but the labor to remove the paint afterward is brutal. I don't want to sandblast or pressure-wash it off with how rough a shape the mortar is in some spots (not to mention some pros who recommend not to use these methods anyway), and I really wonder if we're doing more damage than good with trying to scrape off the paint, particularly at the mortar.
The less we can financially pour into this, the better, but I also can't imagine spending this whole year stripping and scraping off paint little by little every day and teaching ourselves how to do our own tuckpointing...

LONG POST WARNING
Hello everyone,
My partner (24F) and I (25M) returned home from our 3-week Japan trip last week and due to us using this sub a lot during our planning I thought it would be helpful for other current planners to upload a trip report.
Our main interests are Japanese traditions and history, street style/culture, and food so keep reading if these interests are mutual. Read to the bottom to see how much we spent plus some tips and disappointments.
Prelude
We were caught up in the madness at Dubai airport during our layover. Long story short; Airport (and the rest of Dubai) flooded and caused all the flights to be cancelled. What was meant to be a 5-hour layover turned into a torturous 36 hour wait. No staff to be seen, crowds of people arguing, fighting, and crying. We queued for 12 hours to get a new boarding pass for the next flight to Japan. We were meant to fly to Haneda but settled for Narita as we needed to get out of that place as soon as possible but still ended up missing our first day in Tokyo (should have had 5 days). We can’t complain too much as some of the people I spoke to on emirates were in the airport for up to 5 days before getting a flight back to their departure destination. Oh, and our baggage was missing with us only receiving our checked in bags on day 19. Cheers Emirates.
Day 1
Arrived in Shinjuku around midnight. We went straight to Don Quiojte to buy some replacement cosmetics and clothes. The combination of no good-quality sleep for 48 hours and the stimulating nature of the store was very intense! We then started to walk back towards the hostel and passed a Ichiran, so dropped in for some 2am ramen. Not the best ramen I’ve ever had but was still very good for the price.
Steps: 21,643 (includes some airport steps)
Day 2
Woke up and ate the free breakfast at the hostel (this turned out to be a really good money saver for the whole trip as we are not huge eaters in the morning anyway, but it was good to get something light in us before a long day walking). We then walked through the Shinjuku Gyoen Garden – saw some late blooming cheery blossoms and overall, it was a really beautiful botanical garden.
The next stop was Meji Shrine and a walk through Yoyogi park. The shrine was cool to see, especially as it was our first one in Japan. Saw a middle-aged man wearing denim hotpants so short that his balls were hanging out?!?!
Walked to Shibuya to see the scramble. This was cool but also felt it was a bit underwhelming at ground level but the view from Shibuya station walkway was wicked. Lunch was at a conveyor belt sushi place on the top floor of this department store right next to the scramble. This would be higher than average quality sushi in Europe, so it blew our minds that it was available on the top floor of a department store and for so cheap.
Shimokitazawa – We picked up some bargains at 2^nd street and I treated myself some Japanese jeans from a small Demin shop called Bears. The guy in the shop was super helpful and friendly and even tailored the trousers to exactly my size.
In the evening, we first had a poke around Golden Gai and then headed towards Shibuya and stopped in a cool bar where the owner was mixing vinyl while he mixed your drinks (think it was called Q Bar).
We had previously bought tickets to a gig at Circus for one of my fav rappers who I’d been wanting to see for a while. Also really enjoyed seeing the local Japanese warm up acts. Stayed until 5am and then go the train straight to the Tsukiji outer fish market. Was there way too early and had to wait roughly an hour for thing to open. Went to chill by a bench for a bit and by the time we went back to the market it was rammed! Went to bed around 8:30am.
Steps: 32,159
Day 3
We woke up at 2:30pm, got ready, and headed to the Bunkyo civic centre for the free observation deck. We heard it wasn’t meant to be the best Tokyo skyline view but for a free attraction we thought it was very good! Jimbocho book town was also very cool to see. We had a peak into a couple adult movie/magazine stores where I don’t think the owner appreciated our presence as western tourists.
In the evening, we first went for Ramen at Motenashi Kuraki in Asakusa Bashi. Honestly probably the best Ramen I’ve had to date. I ordered the Black Pepper Shio special, and it blew my mind. Even though the staff didn’t speak English they were very accommodating for my partner who doesn’t eat meat (pescetarian but will brave a meaty broth).
We then had a stroll around Akihabara and played some dance mat games in the arcades before heading back for an earlyish night.
Steps: 28,680
Day 4
I couldn’t sleep so got up around 3am and did some admin stuff to try and get our bags back to us ASAP. Chatted to people in the hostel for a few hours.
We arrived at Senso-ji for around 8am. Wasn’t too busy at this time and the temple was impressive. Went for a coffee down the road and had a chill for about an hour before heading into Asakusa. Got admission to the Drum museum which was wicked. Only 400 yen each and had the whole place to ourselves to smack some big fucking drums and make as much noise as we wanted.
We then started to head towards Ueno but made a slight detour to Kappabashi Dougu street to peruse the Japanese chef knives and other cookware. Grabbed lunch from a 7/11 and went and sat in Ueno park which was super busy. There was some food market event on which loads of food stalls had set up. There was also a stage with some J-pop performers and people dressed as ninjas dancing in the crowd. Weird to say the least. By mid-afternoon we were pretty tired so headed back to the hostel for a nap.
In the evening, we headed down to Harajuku and stopped by Big Love records. My partner is really into vinyl, so this was definitely a highlight for her. She picked up Wu Tang 36 chambers in case you were wondering. We then went for food at Afuri as my partner wanted to try the Vegan ramen to which she said it was ok but nothing special. My cold dipping noodle dish was very tasty, however. We then stumbled across this vinyl listening bar called Bar Music on the 5^th floor of this pokey building on the outskirts of Shibuya for a few drinks before bed. There was such a good vibe in there and the cocktails were super good for the price. If you’re looking for a romantic spot, then this is the place to go.
Steps: 31,818
Day 5
Today we headed to Kyoto on the shinkansen around midday after a slow morning chilling in and around the hostel and catching up on some sleep. Checked in to the hostel and had a walk around downtown Kyoto, stopping at 2^nd Street to buy some more clothes.
In the evening, we headed to Kodai-Ji to see the shrine lit up at night. We couldn’t believe how few people were there as it was stunning and truly magical place to be at night. It also has a bamboo grove (much better than Arashiyama, see below). The bar for Kyoto shrines/temples had been set very high.
Walked down Pontocho alley and stopped at a yakitori restaurant which was just ok. We knew it was going to be average when we looked around the restaurant and it was just western tourists dining.
Steps: 25,255
Day 6
First thing in the morning we rented bikes and cycled across the city to Arashiyama. Parked the bikes at the train station and walked up through Arashiyama. We were expecting it to be busy but there were so many people it was almost impossible to move. Had a look around the bamboo grove and was slightly underwhelmed after our visit to Kodai-Ji so we took the tram and then bus up to Kosan-Ji. This was very much worth the 45-minute journey as there was only one other group there and the temple nestled between the trees overlooking the river was breath-taking. On the whole, Arashiyama was way too packed during peak times to enjoy and with everything else Kyoto has to offer we wouldn’t say it was a must see.
We then picked up the bikes from the train station and cycled back across Kyoto taking the long route to explore and get lost. Once we dropped off the bikes, we went for another explore and this time went into WeGo for more clothes shopping. At this point we’d pretty much matched the amount of clothing that we had packed in our checked-in luggage that was still stuck in Dubai.
After a nap we walked towards the metro and stopped at a Katsu restaurant as we wanted to try something different, and it was pretty good. For the price of 1300 yen each we got so much food/sake and left stuffed.
Fushimi Inari in the evening. Like Kodai-Ji, we would recommend visiting Fushimi Inari at night. Firstly, to help avoid the crowds (we got there around 9pm and there was hardly anybody there) and secondly as seeing it lit up at night is a nice change. It was however slightly creepy at night, especially as it was lightly raining. My partner started to get a bit scared once we saw the signs to be careful of the wild boar and monkeys haha. We didn’t make it to the top of Mt Inari as the rain started to get heavy but still very much enjoyed walking through the hundreds of tori gates, stopping off at the shrines and soaking up the history.
Steps: 23,686
Day 7
Today was a late start as even after 8 hours sleep the 25k plus steps a day was starting to catch up with us.
We took the metro to Shimogamo Shrine in north Kyoto. It was very peaceful and quiet however temple fatigue had definitely set in at this point. We then walked through Kyoto to the beginning of Philosophers path. We had seen on this sub that people recommend skipping it unless its Sakura season however we disagree. The path along the river is so pretty and atmospheric, along with the fish gently swimming along in the river.
Kyoto Hand Crafts Centre – if you have the money then this is a great place to pick up souvenirs.
Pre-booked Sushi Iwa for a 15 course Omakase. The food was amazing, but it came to an eye watering 28k yen each. The difference for our western palettes between mid-range sushi and exceptional sushi is negligible. Nonetheless it was a good experience and I’m glad that we did it.
Steps: 23,751
Day 8
Today was an empty day in terms of things we wanted to do, so used it to walk the city and explore.
We checked out the Nishiki market and ate various fried foods on sticks which were all pretty tasty. We then walked northwards, stopping for coffee before reaching the imperial palace. By this point we were very much bored of temples and structures of similar architecture, but we actually ended up enjoying walking the palace grounds and seeing the buildings more than we thought and would recommend it to those who find themselves in north Kyoto.
A leisurely walk back down towards downtown Kyoto, stopping off at a wicked standing soba joint. Forgotten the name but their curry soba was delicious.
Chao Chao gyozas (only veggie gyoza place we could find) for our evening meal before a night cap at the bar across the road before bed.
Steps: 23,304
Day 9
Shinkansen to Hiroshima arriving around 11am.
Checked into hostel and then went straight to the A-dome, peace memorial and museum. We thought the museum was very moving and captured the horror of the events that unfolded very well. A must see for sure.
Okonomiyaki at Okonomimura and then some vintage clothes shopping in Hondori.
Went back out for food in the evening and ended up getting Okonomiyaki again. This time it we enjoyed it a lot more than we did at lunch (probably because we got it covered in cheese). There are a few streets by Hiroshima station with lots of bars and restaurants on top of each other, much like Golden Gai in Shinjuku, however they are not super touristy and has a more laid-back feel to them.
We then went to some bars in the city centre. The best one we stumbled across was called Tropical Bar Revolucion. It was on the 8^th floor and the smoking balcony overlooked the city. Plus, the beers in there tasted so good and I’m not sure why.
Steps: 23,299
Day 10
A hungover morning. Headed to the Hiroshima National Gardens. Going to some gardens is my go-to hangover activity as its low effort, relaxing, and feels productive. These gardens in particular were great and we really appreciated the signs explaining the history behind the space. Overall, we enjoyed this more than the national gardens in Shinjuku.
Public baths near Dobashi in the afternoon. If you’re feeling brave enough to get your kit off in front of 10s of strangers, then this is a good experience. Male and female baths are separate. Can’t go wrong for 400 yen.
Went for a drink at Bar Pretty and then realised the effect of golden week on trying to get a table walking into a restaurant. Walked around for about an hour with no success so settled for food from a department store food court. Sounds miserable but the food was pretty good for the price, and it was busy in there, so it still had an atmosphere.
Steps: 29,487
Day 11
Miyajima Day. Took the ferry to the island arriving at 10:30am. The Ryokan staff met us at the port and collected our bags to take back to the hotel.
Had a mooch around the port area before doing the hike up Mt Misen. The climb to the top on a hot day is not to be underestimated. Sweating buckets, but the route and the view from the top was amazing and one of the standout highlights of the whole trip.
After descending Mt Misen, we bought some beers, oysters and, ice cream and sat along the beach wall and chilled in the sun for a couple hours. The hotel staff then picked us up from the ferry terminal, we checked in and went straight to the Onsen for a couple hours before dinner. Dinner was a traditional kaiseki meal (with more courses than I can remember) served in the banquet hall with the other guests.
While the staff converted our retro ryokan room and set up the futons we had a few more beers before bed.
Steps: 20,803
Day 12
Today we had a chilled morning on the island, having a stroll and stopping for some coffees. We then took the ferry back to Hiroshima, stopping for Okonomiyaki one more time, before taking the shinkansen to Osaka.
Checked into our hostel near Namba and went out for a walk around 8pm. When looking for somewhere to eat we walked past a sign for a vegetarian Indian restaurant called Shama. After nearly two weeks of pure Japanese food we were craving some variety so decided to head in. Located on the basement floor of a particularly run down looking building the restaurant was not the most glamorous. Barely enough space for 10 people, it was hot in there. A constant stream of people was coming in and out of the restaurant and we were lucky enough to walk in when there were two spaces available. From sitting down at the table to receiving our food we waited just under an hour. This would be enough to put most people off but fuck me the food was good when it did finally arrive. We got a selection of 4 different curries, naan breads and samosa. We left stuffed. If you’re in the area this is definitely a place worth checking out.
Steps: 25,502
Day 13
Our first stop of the day was the Umeda Sky Building. Not suitable if you are scared of heights as the glass elevator made our stomachs drop slightly. The views were impressive but we thought the price was a bit steep at 1500 yen each.
We then spent the afternoon wondering about near Namba and Shinsujibashi dropping into shops and picking up some food.
For dinner we made a reservation for a Mexican restaurant near Dotonbori. Massive margheritas, nachos and enchiladas. The food was great, and it shows by how busy the place was still at 10pm. It had been open since the late 70’s with the décor to match and it had a great atmosphere.
Steps: 27,290
Day 14
Checked out Tsuruhashi and Korea Town. Loved the market – dimly lit maze of numerous food and clothing vendors. Stopped to have some Korean stew and pancakes and it was delicious. One of the best meals of the trip.
Shinsekai in the evening. What I can describe as the armpit of Osaka. We loved it. Dirty? Yes. Rowdy? Yes. Rough around the edges with a red light district to top it all off. We had Kushikatsu to finish the evening off. Fried stuff on a stick – of course it going to be tasty but it wasn’t exactly flavour town.
Steps: 23,777
Day 15
Took the train to Minoh and hiked up the trail to see the waterfall. Hike was easy in comparison to Mt Misen and the waterfall was very cool to see. Had a wonder around Minoh stopping for some lunch at a Ramen bar.
We went to the Team lab botanical gardens in the evening. It was very awe inspiring seeing all the installations lit up.
After sampling Japanese McDonalds (I had a burger where the buns were made out of rice) we went for some drinks at Zerro. We liked this bar a lot, the guys working there were very friendly and it had a good vibe.
We then sat and watched the skaters at triangle park with some beers from the konbini before going to see Dj Masda at Circus until around 4am. This area of Osaka was such a vibe and came back here a few times over our 6 days here. Overall, a very fun evening.
Steps: 26,130
Day 16
Woke up chronically hungover but powered on and went to see a baseball game. You’re allowed to bring food and drink into the stadium (as long as alcohol is in plastic/paper cups) so we grabbed some beers and snacks from family mart. We had no idea what was happening but the atmosphere was electric and we enjoyed getting pissed and cheering.
Had a nap and then went to Hafez for middle eastern food. The food was good but not amazing, nothing in comparison to my local middle eastern restaurant back home. Chilled around the Namba park/Big step area. Loved this area so much, we are big into street fashion and culture so this place really ticked some boxes. Lots of skaters and street wear stores concentrated around here. Got an early night watching Battle Royale back at the hostel.
Steps: 22,065
Day 17
Today we went to the Umeda area. Popped into some shopping centres and had Omurice for lunch. It was tasty but not something I will crave when back home. Good experience trying it though. We then walked through Yodoyobashi along the rivers and got gelato and sat in the rose garden. The sun was beating down and we enjoyed just chilling in the sun eating our ice cream.
Compufunk Records were holding a party in their store. Decent gaff with some very welcoming and kind people to party with until the early hours.
Steps: 21,267
Day 18
We reluctantly left Osaka for Hakone today. Very sad to go but onwards to the next adventure. Took the shinkansen to Odawara and then the Hakone Tozan Train to Gora. Checked into our Ryokan and relaxed in the Onsen for a few hours.
Went for a walk around Gora and had dinner at the Ryokan before watching Predator in bed.
Steps: 16,926
Day 19
Today we did the Hakone Loop, starting early in Gora.
Started with the Open-air museum and it was great. We loved the installation and ended up spending 3 hours slowly making our way round. Got some cool photos as well for the gram.
Ropeway to Lake Ashi. This was absolutely terrifying. You have to swap cable cars 3 times on the way over and the warnings of the service being suspended due to the wind was announced at each stop. I’m not going to ruin the surprise, but one section made me literally freeze in terror due to the winds outside so try to do it on a calm weather day.
We then took the pirate boat (bit underwhelming) across the Lake and stopped for some soba noodles and a wander around. Unfortunately it was way too cloudy to even get a chance at seeing Mt Fuji.
Train to Kamakura and checked into our super cute traditional hostel near the beach.
Dinner at an Izakaya from the hostel owners recommendation. Food great and beers slipped down a treat. First time I tried Yuzu Kosho as well – I’m now addicted to the stuff and literally cover all my food with it.
Steps: 19,512
Day 20
A slow start to the morning. Weather was pretty bad but we still managed to hit all the main sights in Kamakura. Big Buddha was a refreshing sight from the temples. Did some shopping up Komachi Dori. Highlight of the day was Hukokaji temple. It was so peaceful and zen in the rain with its very own matcha tea ceremony backdropped by bamboo forest. This turned out to be our second favourite temple/shrine we visited, just being beaten by Kodaji.
In the evening we went for Sushi at a conveyor belt place. Figured this would probably be my last Japanese sushi of the trip so devoured 7000 yen worth of sushi and beer. Went back to the hostel and invited some of the other guests to drink with us. The owner of the hostel had some bayberry homebrew, so we got stuck into that.
Steps: 20,494
Day 21
Enoshima Island is just a 25 min train from Kamakura. Started off the day by walking to the top of the island to get French toast and a beer with a lovely view across the bay. We then headed up the Sea candle to check out the observation deck, still the illusive Mt Fuji hides behind the clouds.
We then bought admission to the caves beneath the island which was pretty cool. I won’t ruin the surprise but there’s something waiting for you at the end of one of the caves.
Had an explore around the rockpools near the caves and took some cool photos. We then had a pizza with fish on which was pretty crazy. Walked around the island a little bit more and I picked up some more Japanese denim which wasn’t the cheapest but the quality of the trousers are great and will last me a lifetime.
Back to Tokyo in the evening.
Went for Izakaya around Asakusa and popped into a couple bars. One was called Not Suspicious and the whole bar was covered in handwritten notes by patrons. Very touristy but quite cool at the same time. Our favourite was a drawing of Mario saying It’s a Me Muthafucka.
Steps: 25,903
Day 22
First stop was Don Quiojte to pick up some Yuzu Kosho (if you know you know) and weird flavoured KitKats.
Kappabashi Dougu street to purchase a fine Japanese carbon stell Santoku. Honestly in love with this knife so much. The people at the store were very happy to hear exactly what I was looking for and even let me try before you buy on some daikon radish.
While in Asakusa I had to return to the place where I put the best thing in my mouth in Japan. Motenashi Kuroki. Switched it up this time and had their classic Shio ramen plus the duck rice as a side. Honestly this place is amazing, and you have to go there if you have time. They aren’t veggie/pescy friendly so my partner went for one last round of sushi round the corner. We met up at a massage chair parlour and spent 30 mins relaxing in the chairs.
We had a bright idea to watch the sunset one last time so headed over to the rooftop park on a department store in Shibuya. Sipping on an ice cold Kirin, the sun slowly dropped behind the distant mountains and we knew our trip had come to an end. How symbolic.
Flight at 11pm from Haneda.
Steps: 23,187
On reflection:
I honestly think this trip was almost perfect in terms of hitting our interests and travel style. There was a good balance of doing the typical first time visit to Japan sights and activities while still exploring and seeing what we came across in the moment.
It hard to pinpoint exact highlights of the trip as everywhere we visited had so much going for it in different ways. We loved the rugged and trendy vibe to Osaka, and I think this would be the city I would most want to live in for a considerable amount of time (If I had to choose). Miyajima was also stunning and a great overnight trip with the Ryokan experience. We also underestimated how much we would enjoy Kamakura with its laid-back surfer vibe and access to Enoshima Island.
One random memorable moment that has stuck with me was when we landed at Narita airport, we took the limo bus to Shinjuku. As the driver pulled away, all the staff at the station turned and bowed in unison. It felt so special to first observe a culture totally opposite to the one I grew up with and was at this point I knew I had embarked on the trip of a lifetime.
If I could go back and change something I would probably miss out Hakone and do an extra day in one of the major cities. This isn’t because we didn’t enjoy Hakone, but we feel like it’s a place that needs more time to soak in what’s going on around you (plus the weather was bad when we were there). This being said the Open-Air Museum was amazing and we enjoyed it more than the Teamlab botanical gardens so the trip up the mountains was worth it just for that.
So, how much did we spend per person (not inc flights)?
Accommodation - £765pp
Given that we spent a couple nights in Ryokans raising the average price slightly, we were pretty happy with the accommodation costs. We stayed in a mix of private room and shared dorm hostels and pretty much all of them were spot on. Travelling as a couple meant that anywhere with a private room split the price between 2. The only hostel we didn’t like was the one in Hiroshima, there wasn’t anything in particularly wrong with it, there was just a really bad vibe from the owner and other guests.
Transport - £344pp
This includes shinkansen to and from all the major cities as well as our suica top ups for metros and buses. Unless your itinerary is something like 3 days Tokyo, 2 days Osaka 2 days Kyoto then there really isn’t any point getting the JR pass now that the price has increased.
Activities – £280pp
It is hard to give an exact amount for activities and food as 1) I didn’t track what we spent our cash on and 2) my partner and I would take in turns paying for things like temple admission. That being said I’ve allocated 25% of the cash we spent to activities such as temple admission. Activities includes our baseball tickets plus club entries as well as temple and museum admissions etc.
Food – £962pp
As above, its hard to give an exact amount for food. On the whole we tried to eat cheap with possible, especially at the start of our trip. There were a few expensive meals peppered in plus we ate out twice a day towards the end of our trip as we realised we were under budget.
The total is a bit skewed as this includes all the alcohol we bought in bars as well as the konbini trips for beers and cigarettes. I estimate that booze accounts for around a third of the total per person. If you would like to do Japan on a budget, reducing the booze will make a big difference.
Shopping/Souvenirs/Gifts – £607 (just me)
We went hard with the shopping. We didn’t actually receive our checked in luggage until day 19 so we had to buy all new clothes and cosmetics. If this wasn’t the case, then I don’t think I would have spent so much (airline is comping us for the additional clothing bought anyway). I also bought a fairly expensive chef knife and Japanese denim pieces, plus lots of gifts for friends and family. Obviously, this number could theoretically 0 if you are on a serious budget and did no shopping but I really underestimated Japanese shopping, especially thrifting. Also, given our cheap choices when it came to accommodation we could afford to splurge. However just to note my partner spent less than half than I did on shopping.
Total: £2958 (582,628 yen at time of writing)
I kept within my budget of £3000. I definitely got a bit frivolous with the cash in the last few days or so, if being as careful as I was towards the start of the trip, I think the total would be closer to £2500.
Disappointments
Takoyaki. We thought it was going to be all about the octopus but were disappointed with our balls of sloppy goo surrounding tiny chewy pieces of octopus. We tried it twice and couldn’t get behind it. Sorry Takoyaki fans.
Arashiyama. Way too busy, especially around the main station and bamboo grove. If it’s the bamboo you are going to see, then Kodaji is a much better spot.
Dotonburi. Albeit we were there in golden week, and it was pretty busy. However, I get the feeling this area has fallen to the past its golden days title and has become a bit of a cash cow for places selling spiralised potatoes on a stick. The area around Namba park was a better option for us.
Tips
Konbini. Absolute life saver for snacks and drinks on the go. The food quality for a convenience store is higher than most other countries so we had no problem with grabbing a meal from one to help keep within our budget.
Don’t over pack – even though we didn’t get our checked in bags, I still packed light so had plenty of space to bring stuff back. Emirates give you your allowance by weight rather than number of baggage so we could check in additional bags on the way back.
Don’t be scared of hostels. If you don’t want to brave the shared dorms, then most hostels offer private rooms with just the shower and toilet shared. Obviously, it’s cheaper if there are two people sharing a room.
Don’t stress about cash. Most places take debit/credit card and if they don’t, you’re never more than 5 minutes from a konbini ATM.
For us, golden week didn’t seem that big of an issue. No problems booking shinkansen around GW. We spent most of GW in Osaka, as such it was going to be busy anyway so maybe we didn’t see much of a difference from normal numbers in the spring.

My daughter is now 26. She's had a history of anxiety, meltdowns, social challenges, short-term part-time jobs, isolation, conflict with absent dad, heartbreak stretching months after each boyfriend. We got along ok living together until she was 20, when I asked her to start helping more with paying household expenses. After complaining to her new boyfriend, he invited her to move in with him in a big rooming house where everybody pays a share of the rent.
She stepped up for it, starting a couple of moneymaking enterprises and paid her share. Seemed great for a year, but then as autumn 2019 progressed, multiple roommates moved out and the share the remaining roomies paid went up quite a bit.
They decided to move out too, setting their sights on a remote island community where he thought he could get carpentry work. In discussing this move just before winter, I suggested that she, with him, move back into her old room at my place, just for the winter, so they could work hard and save up money to be better prepared for moving in the spring. I offered to spend more time at my boyfriend's house, so they'd have more space and privacy at our apartment.
Well, they liked that idea and started moving in. I would be gone for several days and come home to a mess in the kitchen and living room with stacks of tools and possessions and building supplies. The boyfriend kept bringing more stuff, even after I asked them to stop. They repeatedly agreed to keep things cleaner, occasionally there was a cleaner moment, but then back to disaster zone that kept getting deeper.
Pandemic meant the regular twice yearly housing inspections didn't happen, so I was the only one advocating for cleanliness. They kept taking my things out of the kitchen cabinets and communal areas and stacking them in my bedroom. They let a friend of theirs sleep in my bed. Brought rabbits and pigeons inside, creating a farm-partment atmosphere. I was less and less welcome in my own home, and not comfortable there either.
That situation came to a head when Housing inspected the mess, when after all the mailed notices were hidden from me, I finally got notice of impending eviction. They vacated without cleaning, spewing blame and much conflict, the boyfriend being large and loud. After two weeks of constant effort I was able to clear out and clean up enough to pass the second inspection.
They moved into the basement of his parent's rental duplex nearby, were given permission to stay for six months. A similar mess occured there, with similar conflict with his parents, chaos dragging on and piles of garbage, ending with hatred and anger. Same thing after that with a family friend. At least I knew it wasn't all me...
OK, a few years have passed now. They have stayed in the area, spent two rough winters living homeless. She's still with the boyfriend, and I see them from time to time in my neighborhood. Coupla months ago I flagged her down, saying she had mail at my place and I'd found some of her possessions, asked her to come by. That went ok, she was subdued, accepted the items.
A few weeks later we spoke again, this time she got triggered and I asked what she was still so upset about, so she recounted a long list of mistakes I made as a mother, plus my many failings as a person, before storming off. She said I might have a selective memory but she doesn't. Few weeks later she passed me on her bike as I was walking, she recognized me and looked back to flip me off.
It was admittedly a stressful period for many people and for many reasons. Transition to adulthood can also be rough, especially for two late launchers like this couple. I've accepted that I'm not likely to understand why they've made these choices, and I'm willing and hoping to establish a more peaceful relationship based on us both being adults with a common background.
In some ways it could be mutually helpful to work together, such as her mail coming here until she gets a longer-term address. But I don't see it working out unless she can get over this stuck on angst gig.
Rather than having a selective memory, it's selective focus that I'm aiming for.
Seeking suggestions on how to de-escalate and find our way to a better system, or how to let her know her mail will no longer be accepted here if we can't even have a civil passing relationship.

Since I moved in a year ago there was these two openings in the sewer pipe in our basement. Today I capped them. Was that the right move? I know nothing about plumbing. Thank you in advance.

Hello and Happy Tuesday 😃!
So I have a large concrete double sink in my basement that i love having. The drain is no longer perfectly round and leaks when the appropriate size stop is plugged in within an hour. I like to soak large items in it. I actually was thinking of a pool liner type thing but i have no clue how i would do it. My husband is somewhat handy and can do a little plumbing. I’m hoping for some ideas that aren’t too expensive and hopefully practical. Thanks in advance.

First time DIYer here finishing my basement in VA. We passed inspection for framing, electrical, and plumbing. 8' 10" ceilings in the basement. I bought 34 sheets of drywall at the reduced price at Lowes, got my ceilings up with a rental panel lift. Still have about 15 4x8 sheets of drywall. Am I okay doing 2 horizontal seams throughout?

To be honest, I wasn't sure that the Advice sub would let me post this there so I'm posting it here because it's so fucked up. And it didn't seem right for Let's Not Meet, either. But I do need advice, because I feel I'm losing my fucking mind.
So I (30F) have always been very close to my cousin (30F), let's call her Angela. Because we're the same age, our parents (my mom and her father are siblings) went through all the same stages with us and as such, we were more or less raised like siblings due to how much time our families spent together.
We even had homes in the country in the same township, which is where I think this happened. And I can't really tell my family this because it will make me sound legitimately crazy. And some part of me even doubts this memory, but at the same time I know in my heart that it's true. It's a complicated feeling, and this memory was brought to light last week when my suspicion I've had for years was more or less confirmed.
One winter, sixteen years ago, when Angela and I were both fourteen, both of our families were at our cottages, a twenty minute drive from each other. Angela and her little brother (my cousin, let's call him James) parents (my aunt and uncle) were going skiing one morning, and I wanted to go too. So I spent the night at their cottage, like I often did when we all went up north.
Angela's bedroom had two single beds in it, and James' room was down the hall. The whole house was open concept, so the hall from Angela's room to James' room did not have walls, but rather was bordered by two railings over which you could see down into the main floor, the open concept living and dining rooms.
James is four years younger than us, and when he was 10, he was such a typical little boy/little brother, it's almost cartoonish to look back on. Like, I'm talking *constantly* bothering us, putting a stink bomb on a remote control car that he would sneak into our rooms, trying to read Angela's diary when we weren't in her bedroom, just all the stuff. But never anything cruel or out of the ordinary or sinister, just a massive handful.
The basement of James and Angela's cottage was filled with storage and old toys, and sometimes (on the rare occasion) that we'd willingly play with James, we'd all go down to the basement and try to freak each other out. Anyway, one of the toys in the basement was your typical Raggedy-Ann doll from the 60s or something. I think it belonged to my uncle when he was a kid and then Angela when she was a baby. Her name was Trilly. I forget who named it. Anyway, I have vague memories of playing with it when we were much younger and pretending it was our third cousin or our little daughter. But since then she'd sat in storage in the basement.
But, what great nightmare material! Right?! A creepy, limp, smiling doll. So the night I stayed over, before we went skiing in the morning, James, Angela and I were up to our playing in the basement, and I remember we tried to freak James out by pretending Trilly was alive or something like that. Whatever. Game over, we all had dinner with the parents, then watched a movie as a family and went to bed. James to his room and Angela and me to Angela's room.
Now this is the thing. Angela and I still joke about this night, and she remembers it just like I do, which is why I sort of wrote off my hypothesis until last week. That night, in the middle of the night, I started tossing and turning. I woke up and could tell that Angela was stirring as well. One of us said to the other, "are you awake?" and the other said "yes," and we realized that we both couldn't sleep or were woken up by the same thing or were both just feeling restless. But then, at the other end of her room, Trilly was sitting in the fucking desk chair.
I think it was Angela who pointed it out. We saw a shadow, thinking it was a person, freaked out, and then relaxed briefly when we saw it was just the doll. But then we got freaked out all over again and were like, "why the FUCK is this FUCKING doll in your room!?!?", murderously standing up and going over to it to pick it up and throw it in James' room and pound the living Christ out of him.
We turn on all the lights, turn on the hall light, stomp down the hall into his room and turn on his lights, and see he's not in his bed. We then go downstairs (my aunt and uncle's room was on the main floor), Trilly still in Angela's hands, and hear my aunt and James in the washroom. Turns out James had been sick for the last few hours and my aunt had been up all night with him as he was throwing up in the washroom. And when we saw the scene we immediately could tell that James had nothing to do with Trilly. Like, it was just one of those really believable situations where we could tell James truly had no idea what was going on. We even felt bad for him. And, to top it off, when we told him the story in the morning it scared him so much that he didn't go into the basement for like a year. Anyway, it just seemed really sincere.
So Angela and I went back up to her room and we were like, "are we *sure* we didn't bring this up here last night? Are we sure? We must have." Anyway, while we were really freaked, we figured that it was explainable. We knew the doll obviously didn't walk itself upstairs like it was some horror movie. But, because we were fourteen and all for the drama (and I remember us having the "better safe than sorry" mindset) we called her dog upstairs (Bella, a poorly behaved black poodle). We started playing tug-of-war with Bella, using Trilly as the toy, and eventually Bella ripped her to shreds.
Anyway, funny memory, making the dog rip up the doll, we laughed and thought we were tough and cool, then we went back to bed.
The next morning, instead of all of us going skiing, it was just Me, Angela, and my Uncle, because James stayed home with my aunt on account of his stomach flu. But when we woke up, Angela was acting weird. Nothing too noteable, just really bizarrely quiet as she moved around her room to get her clothes out of her drawers and get changed. She didn't, like, acknowledge me in her room. I said something like "morning" when she didn't acknowledge me, and she looked at me and then turned back to her drawers and kept getting changed.
And she was looking around weirdly, I remember that too. Almost like she'd misplaced something, but a little more dazed than that. Just moving strangely. Then she went downstairs without saying anything to me at all. I thought maybe she was just super groggy... but it still felt really weird.
When I went downstairs, she was standing at the island in the kitchen buttering toast that my uncle had put in for us. I distinctly remember walking up beside her and the toaster, pulling a piece of toast out of it, putting it on the plate that had been set out for me, and when I dipped the knife into the container of butter, Angela smacked my hand away, hard, and looked at me and snapped, "what are you doing? Don't take things that aren't yours". I was shocked. It honestly felt like being struck in the face. She'd never spoken to me like that before, and even though we were like siblings, I still felt that kind of mortifying embarrassment you feel when someone calls you out on misbehaving, even though I wasn't doing anything wrong; but it *was* her family's butter and bread? I don't know. That's what I remember thinking. But it was awkward and weird and I just said, "um, what?" and then she didn't say anything, just kept buttering her toast, and I mumbled some apology.
The three of us then drove to the ski hill and, I kid you not, Angela and I didn't speak the whole way there. I had no idea what was up, but I didn't want to ask with her dad in the car.
Then when we got to the ski hill, we went skiing just the two of us and on the chairlift during the first run I mustered up the courage to say "Hey, did I do something wrong? I feel like you're really mad at me or something". And she turned to look at me and was confused. Not friendly, not warm, not reassuring, but confused. It was almost as if I was a stranger and she looked at me as if to say, "sorry, who are you? why are you talking to me?"
And she responded in a formal way: "Sorry, I have no idea what you're talking about". The distance in her voice was really eerie, and I started to think maybe this had to do with the doll incident the night before and either she was trying to extend the prank, and she was the one who had put the doll on the chair, OR she felt guilty that we ruined this family doll and she resented me for being a part of it. Anyway, when we got to the top of the hill, she skied down quickly and didn't wait for me to go back up again, and we ended up skiing separately.
I felt awkward and embarrassed like I'd done something wrong. I ended up skiing with my uncle who asked me what was up with us, and I just said I didn't know. Then after our day of skiing, he dropped me off at my family's cottage and continued on home with Angela.
For the rest of that whole school year (we were in ninth grade), Angela and I didn't really speak. It was really sad. We were like sisters before, but better because we weren't actually sisters, but cousins, and so we were like best friends that were related. Seriously, we were really close. And it really messed me up, I felt like she just ghosted me. I would text her and call her house but she was always "fine" or "with Jessica" (her best friend). I chalked it up to her just outgrowing me, and it really fucking sucked. But, to be honest, it was so jarring and such a stark shift that I was more confused than hurt. I talked to my mom about it and she explained to me how rough it can be to be a teenage girl.
But that following summer, we were up at our cottages again, and our family had a barbecue and invited over my aunt and uncle and Angela and James. I had seen Angela at family things a couple of times since and she would just kind of ignore me and spend the whole time texting, which is what I expected this time.
Sure enough, that's what happened for the first bit of the barbecue. But then when the food was ready, she came up beside me as we were dressing our hamburgers at the condiment table and said, "oh my god, remember that night we got Bella to ruin Trilly?" and I was so shocked by her friendly tone, by her acting as though she were picking up a conversation we just were having, that I just stared at her and said, "yeah, that was crazy". And she said, "yeah, so funny. Anyway, how've you been?" again, really different and formal. I almost couldn't get past how altered her tone was, like we'd never even met. In fact she seemed so sprightly and kind that I thought she was mocking me.
And our relationship since that barbecue carried on just like that. She started talking to me more, but I'd reference inside jokes or ways we used to be or things we used to do and she never really latched on to any of them. I was caught between thinking she'd outgrown me and thinking she was like embarrassed of our closeness before or something and was trying to move on. I talked to my mom about this, and again got the speech about how teenage girls can be really cruel/strange sometimes.
So until we were about 22, we were like that. Nice to each other, talking sometimes, not that close, and I learned to not try and act like we were all close or that we had been close. I talked to my friends about it too and they said it was normal for friendships to change like that. But something felt off about this. I started to honestly feel crazy for hanging on to this "before" memory of Angela so much.
Then when we were 22, we grew apart. This time, it was mutual and natural. I moved cities, and she got engaged and became a real estate agent and we just had nothing to talk about. It was gradual and I didn't notice it much. Which brings us to eight years later, just last week.
I was travelling in Iceland. I had to be there (very randomly) for a conference/workshop I was leading for work, and turned it into a vacation. Rented a car, decided I was going to drive across the island after the conference was over and stay on the east part and explore a bit.
Day four of my seven-day long road trip. It's mid-afternoon, I'm hungry. I've been driving for three hours and have come across no sign of civilization at all, and it was fifty miles to the next town. But then, voila! A little gas station/general store/cafe! Perfect!
Ah, fuck. I literally can't believe I'm writing this. It makes me sound fucking crazy. But here I go.
I park in the little three-car parking lot. I get out of my car, step onto the gravel, the sky is white, expansive, there are mountains everywhere around me, fields, sheep. The air is fresh. Seriously middle of nowhere. I walk up the wooden rickety steps and push open the door and hear the door chimes go. A man walks out from the back room and greets me, and the place is cute. There's a little handwritten menu above the cash register and I asked him in my pathetic Icelandic/English mix if I could have the gravlax toast. He's very friendly and kind and says yes, asks if I want a coffee, I say yes please, blah blah, he rings me up at the cash register, and I go and sit at the one table they have and wait for my food.
I look around - it's mostly a fishing supplies store with some general groceries. The man opens the door to the room from which he came, the kitchen I suppose, and says the order to the lady in the back who looks like she's doing some prep cooking. Immediately I stop. It's freaking Angela!!!! Or I thought it was.
Now, remember, I hadn't seen Angela in about eight years. Since her dad passed away when we were twenty-three, and because I'd moved cities, we just had no reason to really see each other especially after growing so far apart.
So, like, OH MY GOD, it's Angela! She's working at a random little general store in middle-of-nowhere Iceland! But wait, I thought. No. This is obviously not-fucking-Angela. Angela is a real estate agent in my hometown. I'd obviously know if she lived in Iceland lol. Right? I don't really use social media but the odd time I do, she'll pop up here and there. But I guess not enough for me to *confirm* she still lived in my hometown.
But anyway, she looked enough like Angela that I went right up to the cash register and rang the little bell and the guy came back out and when he opened the door I was able to get another look at her, and my heart skidded. A chill spread across my crown. It was one hundred percent Angela. Like, my full-on cousin. So, looking over the guys' shoulder, RIGHT AT ANGELA, I smile and say, "Angela!! Oh my god!!" and before she could respond, the door shut again.
And the guy at the cash smiled really big, a nice, friendly, smile and he looked surprised as well, and pointed back over his shoulder and then at me, as if to say, "you two know each other?!" which confirmed for me that her name was Angela, because he seemed really delighted at the coincidence. Expecting her to emerge from the kitchen, I walked around to behind the cash register (the invitation was implied by the guy) and he put his arm back to open the door for me, or for Angela, whom we both expected to be making her way over to me, too.
When he opened the door, she was head-down again, chopping vegetables. I walked through the door and said, "Angela? Angela!" smiling, thinking she hadn't seen me yet or realized who I was, all context considered. She looked up at me, and then quickly, as though avoiding my eyes, looked down. "Hey", she said, quietly, at the cutting board.
WHAT THE FUCK WAS GOING ON? Before I could ask anything, she said, "I'm really sorry, okay?"
What?
She repeated herself and then continued: "I'm really sorry okay? But we can't talk".
I actually, like, had no clue what was happening. I was looking into the eyes of my cousin whom I hadn't seen in forever in some random fucking shack in Iceland and she was acting skittish and afraid. I opened my mouth to protest and she said, "I need you to leave," then she called the guy's name and said something to him in Icelandic. She can speak Icelandic??!
The guy came in, his demeanour totally different. Almost like he was a bouncer. He gestured to my coffee and toast that were ready to go, took them in his hands and ushered me out of the kitchen and I could tell I no longer was welcome. Either I wasn't welcome or I was in danger, or both. It felt more like the former. And I don't think the guy had any idea what was going on, either. I think she must have said something to him like "I don't know this person, this person is crazy" or something. That's how he was acting toward me.
I got in my car, I drove five minutes down the road, and pulled over. I miraculously had service and I called my mom and told her everything. She kind of just laughed at me and was like "Many-Patient2894, that obviously wasn't Angela". And joked about me making some poor Icelandic woman feel extremely weird. But based off the guy's reaction when I said her name, her name was Angela, and the way she spoke to me and said sorry and said we couldn't talk, like, she knew me too. I told my mom all of this and I sounded fucking crazy and she just was basically like, "Haha, yeah, weird". I think she thinks I was making up the part about the apology.
I told all of my friends this, when I was still in Iceland, and they all reacted like my mom did. At this point, I had four days left in the country, and I kept wanting to return to the cafe/general store. But I didn't. I started to think maybe the woman thought I was someone else. But then I kept coming back to, but wait, this person was Angela. Her name, her body, her face, like I just didn't know what to do.
This brings me to two days ago, the day before yesterday, when I returned to Canada, where I live. It's eight o'clock in the morning and I'm on my way to work. In my car. Just picked up a coffee. Exhausted. Not thinking about Angela at all. Thinking about my laundry, my bills, what I'm going to make for dinner. The traffic is bad and it's a miserable day outside.
My phone dings. It's a random number. The text reads: "Hey! It's Angela! How was your trip?"
Haven't heard from her in eight years (except for our run-in in Iceland, if indeed it was one). No "how have you been??", no "I miss you!!" no "long time no talk/see!". I also hadn't posted anything about my trip on social media. Unless you were a friend of mine, you didn't know I was there.
I immediately call my mom, who follows Angela on Instagram, and ask her to look at her profile. Sure enough, Angela (not at all to my mother's surprise), is posting stories of the bachelorette party she's at in Miami. She's, like, not at all in Iceland.
I have no idea what's going on. And the way Angela/the woman spoke to me in the cafe had the cadence and softness that Angela had, and in my memory, lost, starting the morning of the skiing after the incident with Trilly and the dog. For some reason I'm fully back there in my memory now, realizing that that was the first morning of "the new Angela", the one that seemed to have no emotional memory of me at all. Like, the Iceland Angela seemed more like the "before" Angela.
I haven't replied to the text. I have no idea if it was bachelorette party Miami Angela or Iceland Angela that sent me the message, the area code is from neither Angela's hometown or Iceland.
I need advice, I have no idea what to do or who to talk to. Do I reply to the text? What do I say? I feel like the real Angela is fucking trapped in Iceland or something and has been for a long time. Or I don't even know. I have no idea what to do.