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2024.05.15 02:36 Trapped_Mechanic TIFU by offering my dying friend my spare bedroom.
So, I've kind of posted about this in other threads, specifically on askreddit, but by some users request, I will do my best to fully relay this entire tale up to the current point, as well as provide as much context I am able (and will provide missing context if asked in comments).
Part 1: CONTEXT
Me and my wife have been together since early 2014, and married in late 2017. We have been through much together, including two extended deployments, one of which was 10 and a half months long. We have traveled the world together, lived on both coasts of the US, and despite much of our struggles and how things eventually went down, I was always convinced we would work as a team to overcome any issues.
The friend in question was, largely, an online friend. We met playing an MMO during covid and we quickly formed a very tight knit, but small, community that were very close that included me, my wife, my friend, his wife, and 4 other friends. Covid was a wild time and I was surprised how easy it was to form friends in this group and we kept in touch, as a whole, even once quarantine had ended and most of us had moved on from that particular game. This was a group that, while it started online, we have met most of these people several times IRL and had vacations to spend time together and just hang out.
Part 2: His Problems
Fast forward to about January of 2024. My buddy, from here on out I will refer to as Z (and for a quick add, I will refer to my wife as D), contacts us to tell us his condition is dire and he has been diagnosed with stage 4 cirrhosis of the liver as a consequence of his extensive drinking. Shaken, we quickly charter a flight out to visit. Within a week, we're staying with him and his wife and his roommate and a couple members of his family who are taking care of him. This man is bloated, yellow, and probably about 350lbs now. We are worried, but stay supportive and positive that help can be found, especially since he seems keen on changing his lifestyle for the better. Some of his family start a gofundme that we donate to, and many of the people in our gaming circle who have grown close also donate several thousand dollars (One member of our raid team donated 10k. You never know who is stealth rich on the internet I guess). Me and several other friends discuss the possibilities of helping him get on disability and even getting ourselves tested as compatible living donors. Sad, but hopeful, we depart about a week later, and stay in constant touch.
About a month later, I'm getting a call from one of our mutuals letting me know that "Hey, so I may have goofed up." and tells me how Z's wife had visited him and had a 3 way with him and his wife. I am obviously irate at this and turn to back Z up with comments like "So much for in sickness and in health, huh?" I do what I can to stay supportive, and my wife, D, also makes it a point to stay in touch with him as he has found himself banished to the couch of his apartment. Not even allowed to sleep in his own bed and frequently uncomfortable even being in his bedroom to use the PC.
I'm not particularly rich, but I am not poor either. I served in the military and have a high VA rating which means a constant income and have a steady job and a couple side gigs that pay well enough. My love language, in many ways, is gift giving. I pride myself on being able to pick a good gift, even if it's a little early for an occasion such as a bday or christmas, and will often pull the trigger on something if it means a lot or I think it will help. In this case, my brother was selling an old steam deck because he wanted a new OLED model, so I figured "two birds, one stone", and buy the steam deck off him and send it to Z so we can still game together.
In the intervening months, Z and D start playing games that I have no interest in (Disney Dreamlight Valley), but I am happy to play other games and hang out and chat. Really, nothing seems amiss, but since his banishment, me and my wife are both pushing for him to come and take up the spare bedroom we have in our home. Soon enough, I buy him a plane ticket and he arrives with little more than the clothes on his back and we take him in, no cost other than the expectation that he might help around the house a bit (he was a chef, so having a cook and someone to help clean was ideal for me who often did not have the time or energy to handle these tasks as thoroughly as I would like).
Part 3: The Incident
Now, I am skipping ahead a little bit here, but there's not much to be said about the time between. My wife worked part time hours, and when she did go to work, she'd have him tag along just so he wouldn't "Sit and stew with bad thoughts" at the house alone. I will admit that throughout this entire ordeal, I have had several, several times where my brain tried to warn me, but I ignored ALL of those signs because I trusted him, but more importantly, I trusted her with my life.
One new, frequent argument I found myself having with her was she would fall asleep on the couch, and when I finally tried to go to bed, I'd do my best to wake her and drag her upstairs. These became extremely frequent occurrences and I expressed to her how frustrated I was that I had to fight with her just to come to bed so we could sleep (mind you, this is not even about sex. Often I'm taking her to bed at like, 1am and I work at 7, so I really just wanted her to be sleeping in the bed). Hell, one time, I started catching the vibes that the longer I sat and waited for her to be ready to go upstairs, she just never would be, because they were waiting for me to leave so they could talk in hushed tones. On THAT particular night, I went upstairs alone with her finally awake, and she did not join me for another half hour.
Finally, the day arrives. Its Sunday. We are all downstairs hanging out. One of their newest habits I can't really stand but just dealt with is that she'd sit and crochet while he doomscrolled or strummed on a guitar I bought him and listen to music videos on youtube endlessly. Eventually, I grow weary and give my wife a kiss and tell her I'm gonna go upstairs and play some GW2 for a bit.
About an hour passes, and she enters the game room and tells me "I am uncomfortable. I really need to talk to you. Oh, you're dying!" (As she entered the room, I immediately turn face to talk to her and disregard the game, but she decided that my Charr was more important that what was about to happen, so she of course warns me.) We step into the bedroom and close the door.
"You're going to hate me," she says through tears, "me and Z kissed!" At this point, my brain short circuits and I recall one of my first thoughts being "Oh lord, here we go." and just a general desire to not be a part of this conversation. Shock sets in almost immediately. Still with a healthy dose of denial, I talk to her about what had happened and told her that it needed to end. Even at this point, I did not want to send this man home. Was it shock? Denial? Probably a mixture of the two, or some other additional emotional responses. She gets up after some discussion and goes downstairs, promising to shut him down, but comes back about 15 minutes later sobbing "I couldn't do it! I couldn't end it..." (Side note: In my confused haze of a mind, I feel personally threatened, and after she leaves the bedroom, I lock the door and grab a metal water cub I keep at my side and prepare to actually fight if it comes to it, but once she returns, I back off that idea again.)
Talking with her more, I present her with two options; Couple's therapy, or divorce. BOTH of these options are world ending to her, and she even goes so far as to suggest that just because I said the "D word" that it was what I wanted, which was objectively untrue. We talk back and forth about things I don't quite recall at this point, aside from one point where she comes back and locks herself in the master bath and tells me to call 911, she doesn't care, because she's going to take a bunch of pills, but after a couple of hours, Z shows up to the door and knocks and asks if he can come in. I tell him he may enter, and we talk for a bit. After about 5ish minutes, we decide to go downstairs to the living room and continue the discussion.
Once I sit down on the sofa, I immediately feel like I'm being positioned as the bad guy. I'm in the corner of our sectional, and she's on my left, he's on my right. She tells him "He said it's either a divorce or couple's therapy." "Oh, so he gave you an ultimatum?" I continue to argue that yes, those are the two only options. Z tells me "You're not being fair to her emotions. She is telling you there is another option." I am thoroughly baffled at this statement.
D: I didn't think it was possible and I didn't mean for it to happen, but I have fallen in love with another man. My heart has room for two. I truly have two soulmates. I have never been happier than sleeping on the couch next to my two boys.
Z: There is no reason you guys can't stay married, and we can explore what we've found. I mean, look at how happy she has been since I have been here!
Sick to my stomach, I get up to go vomit in the toilet. Now, I wore a silicone wedding ring, and often find even with a hand wash, a little water tends to get trapped under it. After I finish and wash myself up, I come back and am playing with my ring to dry it. She sees this as a sign that I am uncomfortable again wearing my ring, and takes off her ring as I sit back down and hands me her wedding ring.
Me: Uh, excuse me?
D: This is what you want, I can tell.
Me: No? I was washing my hands and water gets stuck under my ring...
D: Oh... I thought... okay. (And she takes back her ring from me)
I tell her, very clearly, the options are to either end things with him, or end things with me. At this point, I'm still in shock, but sober in mind enough to decide that this is not worth fighting over. I will not argue with my own wife my merits or why she shouldn't just pack up and leave with a jobless, now essentially homeless man, and if she cannot figure that out herself then I will eventually move on.
Crying, sobbing, she sits down in front of him and says, "I'm so sorry, I fought for you. I really did. I told you I'd fight for you and I failed. I loved being your girlfriend, but I need to be a good wife and stay."
Z says "Alright." and starts to go gather his things to leave. As he does, she grabs him and says "No, wait! Please don't go. I don't know what I want."
Z: Ok, well if we're getting all this out in the open, I want to say this. I love this girl. I love her with my whole heart, and without her, life is not worth living. I will not leave this house if you (me) tell me to. Only her. You are taking this very well right now, I can tell you want to hit me (Still in shock, no, I can genuinely say that emotion or thought had not actually registered outside of the event upstairs earlier), but this is my stand.
D: OP, we had a good run. I'm sorry.
And with that, I get up and go to get my sandals and leave the house to get some air. As I try to go, she runs to the door and he follows her. She pushes the door closed and says "No wait, please!"
Me: No, this is the deal. I'm going out to get some fresh air. I am not threatening self harm to "win you back".
D: Will you be back?
Me: I don't know.
Z: Man, I'm telling you, you don't understand, you think I am your enemy, but I am not.
And with that, I leave and shut the door.
In the about, hour, I am gone, I drive around near the house and I call my supervisor who I have a very good relationship with (and I did not want to involve direct friends or family yet because I'm afraid it's too early to start spreading this news). I go over to her house nearby and we chat shortly. After our talk, I have at least something of a clear head and go home, with words for both of them.
As I arrive home, there is no one downstairs. I go upstairs. His door is closed. I knock on the door.
Z: Uh, one second.
I wait for about 5 agonizing seconds, but I refuse to be shut out of rooms in my own home and open the door. He is shirtless, and she is hiding in the corner just out of sight of me. I look him in the eye.
Me: Really?
Z: Yep.
Me: Get out of my house.
And with that, they both silently pack their things and leave.
The second I hear the front door close, I start calling people. I am not above pettiness, and the first person I call is her mom, whom I have a good relationship with. She is SHAKEN and immediately calls her. (I find out later that it was a particularly harsh verbal beating by her, but it really doesn't change anything.)
When I come downstairs to check the state of the house, I see her wedding ring on the counter. I call out of work the next day and lay down and hope I die.
Part 4: Her Problems
So, there is some additional context that I did not add in part 1 because a lot of it is red flags I ignored over the course of our relationship that, in the days following, started to become more and more obvious. There are many that I spent much effort playing off or covering her for, but I will try to briefly list much of what I see as glaring issues in the relationship that were never remedied.
This woman is 30 years old and cannot drive. She can drive and HAS driven my vehicle at the start of the relationship (albeit illegally), but after one tiny little accident where she hit a pole and knocked my side mirror off (which she paid for and fixed before telling me, it really wasn't a big deal. I was on deployment), she never drove again. Attempts to get her behind the wheel would end very quickly after they started, and the conditions to get her in the seat were often extremely time limited, scheduled, or something would come up, and every time I told her "okay, this month we're getting your license for sure" it just wouldn't happen and I'd end up feeling like the one who was at fault.
She does not have her Bachelor's degree because she did not turn in her final project for one single class. Not only that, but she has never truly pursued a career with the things she learned from the coursework, or even used her AA.
For half of the relationship, she did not work at all. When she did, it was often part time work, and if she was saddled with full time hours or, god forbid, overtime, it was a world-ending affair. She would come home and constantly be tired from her few hours at work and would do little more than sit around and crochet.
Our agreement when we bought our house was that she was going to work full time and we were going to split household duties, but I would definitely scoop the cat box because she was allergic (but she wanted cats) and wash dishes (because she hated them), and she would do laundry (because I hated it). In practice, all her version of laundry turned out to be was to throw loads in when one of us was out of clothes and just hit wash and then rotate, and then leave all the clothes in a pile on the bed. EVERYONE KNOWS folding the laundry is the worst part! Come on! Men's clothes are easy! I don't wear that much! (When we would fold, I often finished in a third of her time and would just hang out and chat until she was done)
Ultimately, this meant that for many years now, she was working barely more than part time if she was working at all, and would sort-of do laundry. Meanwhile, I am scooping litter, folding laundry, doing dishes, doing all related yard work, doing all the household cleaning, handling all the finances, I did MOST of the cooking, and all of the grocery shopping (often going alone), driving her from work if I could (she'd uber it if not) and picking her up and driving her home, as well as just generally being a chauffeur for her for 10 years, while working a full time job and a side gig online. Many nights I'd have to stop what I was doing to pick her up at closing hours, and then would sit in the parking lot for 30 minutes while she did tasks like vacuum her little crystal shop that she definitely could have done before close so I didn't end up waiting so damn long. Then we'd come home hang out and eat while we watched TV, and then if I wanted to try and go upstairs to do another hobby, I'd be silently guilted about it because she wanted to sit on the couch and crochet.
Part 5: My Problems
I am not perfect, and admit I have flaws. One of her favorite things to claim to our friends now is that I was "emotionally neglectful", and if there is truth to it, I think I can pin down the day. Before I started working full time again, I was going to school on the 9/11 GI bill. I was not a good student in my younger years, but in time, I have become rather good at school. My first two semesters back I easily maintained a 4.0 GPA. Over the summer in 2022, I, woefully, decided to take a Calc 2 class online because I could not find one in person and wanted to be ready for Calc 3 in the Fall to fill a prereq for my bachelor's, and I really liked the instructor for that Calc 3 class. This calc 2 class was painful. The instructor had clearly recorded all his lectures during Covid and we were simply given the full course of videos and given work assignments and said "Email me if you have questions." This is not how I learn, but I figured, hey, it's one class. I'm working again, but one class isn't a huge deal. I can knock this out.
I was wrong.
After the second exam, I had a low C in the class and I knew I couldn't keep up. I withdrew from the class feeling no other option. I tend to be pretty good at math, and ultimately my dream was to work with 3d printing on an industrial scale with a Mechanical Engineering degree- and if that failed I had my military history (which is engineering relevant) and a degree to fall back on and work should come easily. After clicking that withdraw button, I saw those dreams vaporize. After that, I threw myself into my government civilian job full time and slowly fell into depression. By the end of our relationship, with the toll of doing 99% of the work around the house and for her and with my dreams dead and buried, at age 33, I would wake up and pray I died. I would never kill myself, but I wanted to just die. I felt backed into a corner. I still did everything I could to support her and hoped that one day, she would pick up some of the load and maybe, just maybe, I could go back, but that day did not come (At least not in the way I expected).
Part 6: The Aftermath
This post is already too long, and if I include every single detail that has come to light since, I might actually hit the post cap, but I will go over at least some of it here.
I have had my friends come out in droves. Both of them have been effectively exiled, at least from what I can see, from every friend circle we have. After a couple of days, they flew back to live with, I guess, his parents in Vegas while they sorted shit out, because after I spoke with Z's previous roommate, he adamantly explained he was tired of all the "fucking drama" that Z had been bringing into the house and was just done with it.
I have spoken with many, many people and gotten even more context and even receipts of some of each of their conversations to our mutual friends, and some of the shit I read is just hilarious. He is "not ashamed of pursuing happiness, he is just sad that people got hurt". She is "coming to terms with emotional neglect and felt trapped, but now, yes now, she is free."
I got my neighbors to watch the cats, and took my dog up to visit my closest friend of 20 years and spent about a week and a half drinking, smoking, and talking about all this while surrounded by some of the most beautiful nature the US has to offer. Truly, without this man, I don't think I'd have gotten this far as quickly as I have. He really has been a lifesaver and I truly, to my dying day, will always appreciate him.
Paperwork has been filed, we wish to remain on good terms, and one day I still do hope I can be a friend to her, but she is woefully immature and incapable of adequately performing in an adult society. I have quit my job and am returning to school with a much lighter budget and will be getting that degree I desperately need.
It's been hard, real hard. I have put every ounce of my being into this relationship, and I truly felt like she was part of me, and nothing like this could ever happen. But it's that trust that allowed this to happen. I do not hate her, I'm just disappointed. I will pick up my pieces and, hopefully, find myself whole again soon.
Part 7: Rambling anecdotes
These are some stories I wanted to include in the previous body of text but didn't feel like it kept the same flow (if there even is any at all, I'm not proofreading this). If I remember any others after I post, Ill just toss them in the comments.
Early after Z came to live with us, my mother came to the house to drop off a package. I am pretty sure I was at work, but when my mother came to the door, both of them answered the door and the way my mom describes it "First of all, do you answer the door at your friends house? Also, the way he hovered over her made me uncomfortable. They were in the doorway and he was right up behind her poking his head out." She said my wife had told her that I was feeling unwell and was upstairs sleeping. I can't even be sure at this point.
Shortly before all the things happened, my parents were going out of town to celebrate their own anniversary, and I had agreed to dog-sit their 5 month old puppy (who, while cute, has WAY too much energy and was EXTREMELY difficult to handle, and I have raised several dogs at this point). We met up and took the dog, and then ALL of us (including Z) went to dinner. At dinner, my mother looked at my wife and asked, directly "And so how long have you been married? 6, almost 7 years? Well at least you missed that 7 year itch, huh" and my wife shortly followed with a comment about how she was not hungry and did not eat dinner that night.
All of this happened WHILE THIS CRAZY PUPPY was running around the house, and part of me thinks he pushed this to happen when it did because he could not stand having to help take care of this dog any longer (2 days).
About a week after all this happened, my wife did not text or call me, or respond to any messages or emails I sent her (I didn't send many, but they exist). Frustrated, I text her and tell her I need to talk to her about logistics moving forward, specifically about her belongings. She told me "I will talk to you when I am ready." We did not talk for another week. Also, she told me to stop talking to her mom. (I have a good relationship with both of my in-laws and while her step-father tried to remain impartial to the best of his abilities, he gave me some of the best advice I could possibly have gotten at that time, mostly about how to move forward and cope, as he has personally dealt with this with smaller relationships 3 separate times in his life which he gave me details on, and we are still on good terms.)
Their favorite TV show to watch together was Outlander, which, if you aren't aware, is basically a story about a woman who time travels and has two men in her life.
One of our biggest constant points of contention was my friendship with an old high school buddy (who I spent much of the time in the aftermath hanging out with while healing). We believe, with good reason, that she hated this man because after I had almost been hospitalized for psych reasons due to stress, he had told me I needed to talk to her about working again and doing more to help around the house. She figured out, obviously, who was telling me to say these things, and sent a very, very angry text to his wife. They all apparently made up, but I know she never let that grudge go.
One of the fairly recent hobbies I got into was D&D. It seemed like a good fit for all of us. She loved fantasy and gaming, I enjoyed 3d printing and story telling. She needed friends, and a party of people hangin out would give her at least a few connections to start. Every night she "participated" in D&D, she mostly sat quiet and did not do anything. Hell, I tried to get her to participate in 2 different games, and after she left the first one, she asked to just sit quietly in the discord call (This first one was online only, second was in person) and listen, which was super awkward. In the in person game, after 3 months of playing, she did not know how to play her character at all, and mostly spent her time at the table crocheting. (My buddy even made a comment about how at one point, he was proud of how good I was getting at DMing and I was giving particularly good exposition, and she interrupted me to hand another player at the table a dice bag she made. I don't remember it, but I absolutely believe this happened.)
The day of "the incident", she had a meltdown about how a friend of hers had ghosted her. I told her it was okay, she was much younger anyway and people grow apart. She's probably going through stuff and we should respect that path she's on. She cried about how she has no friends.
Also the day of "the incident", we were in the shower together and she told me she had met her sister's new BF on facetime. I asked "why did she break up with her old one?" "Well... she cheated on him." "Oh, that's a shame. Cheating is probably the most cowardly act a person can do to another. If you're going to start a new relationship, you need to grow a pair and end it before starting a new one." She clearly took my words to heart.
One of my biggest pet peeves about cleaning the house is our dog sheds, a lot. If I see a hairball roll through the house it immediately drains me a bit. We had a roomba. She would send that thing home when it started and never start it again. It barely ran. She would not vacuum.
One of the most common descriptors of her I've heard used by many people now that they're "allowed to" is "She was there, doing the thing with us, but it was like she wasn't there."
Something she thought that I apparently hadn't figured out by the time we talked after everything happened was that they had been talking since February. I told her I wasn't stupid and had figured it out already that this wasn't out of the blue.
Z's wife is currently pregnant with the baby of the man she cheated on him with. (And he is also married)
Anything else I remember Ill leave for comments, I know there is much, much more.
TL;DR
A friend of mine of 4 years drank himself into liver failure and his wife cheated on him, so I offered him a free room to try and put his life back together, and I was repaid for the thought with a divorce of my own, but honestly, it's probably not that bad.
submitted by Trapped_Mechanic to tifu [link] [comments]
Part 1: CONTEXT
Me and my wife have been together since early 2014, and married in late 2017. We have been through much together, including two extended deployments, one of which was 10 and a half months long. We have traveled the world together, lived on both coasts of the US, and despite much of our struggles and how things eventually went down, I was always convinced we would work as a team to overcome any issues.
The friend in question was, largely, an online friend. We met playing an MMO during covid and we quickly formed a very tight knit, but small, community that were very close that included me, my wife, my friend, his wife, and 4 other friends. Covid was a wild time and I was surprised how easy it was to form friends in this group and we kept in touch, as a whole, even once quarantine had ended and most of us had moved on from that particular game. This was a group that, while it started online, we have met most of these people several times IRL and had vacations to spend time together and just hang out.
Part 2: His Problems
Fast forward to about January of 2024. My buddy, from here on out I will refer to as Z (and for a quick add, I will refer to my wife as D), contacts us to tell us his condition is dire and he has been diagnosed with stage 4 cirrhosis of the liver as a consequence of his extensive drinking. Shaken, we quickly charter a flight out to visit. Within a week, we're staying with him and his wife and his roommate and a couple members of his family who are taking care of him. This man is bloated, yellow, and probably about 350lbs now. We are worried, but stay supportive and positive that help can be found, especially since he seems keen on changing his lifestyle for the better. Some of his family start a gofundme that we donate to, and many of the people in our gaming circle who have grown close also donate several thousand dollars (One member of our raid team donated 10k. You never know who is stealth rich on the internet I guess). Me and several other friends discuss the possibilities of helping him get on disability and even getting ourselves tested as compatible living donors. Sad, but hopeful, we depart about a week later, and stay in constant touch.
About a month later, I'm getting a call from one of our mutuals letting me know that "Hey, so I may have goofed up." and tells me how Z's wife had visited him and had a 3 way with him and his wife. I am obviously irate at this and turn to back Z up with comments like "So much for in sickness and in health, huh?" I do what I can to stay supportive, and my wife, D, also makes it a point to stay in touch with him as he has found himself banished to the couch of his apartment. Not even allowed to sleep in his own bed and frequently uncomfortable even being in his bedroom to use the PC.
I'm not particularly rich, but I am not poor either. I served in the military and have a high VA rating which means a constant income and have a steady job and a couple side gigs that pay well enough. My love language, in many ways, is gift giving. I pride myself on being able to pick a good gift, even if it's a little early for an occasion such as a bday or christmas, and will often pull the trigger on something if it means a lot or I think it will help. In this case, my brother was selling an old steam deck because he wanted a new OLED model, so I figured "two birds, one stone", and buy the steam deck off him and send it to Z so we can still game together.
In the intervening months, Z and D start playing games that I have no interest in (Disney Dreamlight Valley), but I am happy to play other games and hang out and chat. Really, nothing seems amiss, but since his banishment, me and my wife are both pushing for him to come and take up the spare bedroom we have in our home. Soon enough, I buy him a plane ticket and he arrives with little more than the clothes on his back and we take him in, no cost other than the expectation that he might help around the house a bit (he was a chef, so having a cook and someone to help clean was ideal for me who often did not have the time or energy to handle these tasks as thoroughly as I would like).
Part 3: The Incident
Now, I am skipping ahead a little bit here, but there's not much to be said about the time between. My wife worked part time hours, and when she did go to work, she'd have him tag along just so he wouldn't "Sit and stew with bad thoughts" at the house alone. I will admit that throughout this entire ordeal, I have had several, several times where my brain tried to warn me, but I ignored ALL of those signs because I trusted him, but more importantly, I trusted her with my life.
One new, frequent argument I found myself having with her was she would fall asleep on the couch, and when I finally tried to go to bed, I'd do my best to wake her and drag her upstairs. These became extremely frequent occurrences and I expressed to her how frustrated I was that I had to fight with her just to come to bed so we could sleep (mind you, this is not even about sex. Often I'm taking her to bed at like, 1am and I work at 7, so I really just wanted her to be sleeping in the bed). Hell, one time, I started catching the vibes that the longer I sat and waited for her to be ready to go upstairs, she just never would be, because they were waiting for me to leave so they could talk in hushed tones. On THAT particular night, I went upstairs alone with her finally awake, and she did not join me for another half hour.
Finally, the day arrives. Its Sunday. We are all downstairs hanging out. One of their newest habits I can't really stand but just dealt with is that she'd sit and crochet while he doomscrolled or strummed on a guitar I bought him and listen to music videos on youtube endlessly. Eventually, I grow weary and give my wife a kiss and tell her I'm gonna go upstairs and play some GW2 for a bit.
About an hour passes, and she enters the game room and tells me "I am uncomfortable. I really need to talk to you. Oh, you're dying!" (As she entered the room, I immediately turn face to talk to her and disregard the game, but she decided that my Charr was more important that what was about to happen, so she of course warns me.) We step into the bedroom and close the door.
"You're going to hate me," she says through tears, "me and Z kissed!" At this point, my brain short circuits and I recall one of my first thoughts being "Oh lord, here we go." and just a general desire to not be a part of this conversation. Shock sets in almost immediately. Still with a healthy dose of denial, I talk to her about what had happened and told her that it needed to end. Even at this point, I did not want to send this man home. Was it shock? Denial? Probably a mixture of the two, or some other additional emotional responses. She gets up after some discussion and goes downstairs, promising to shut him down, but comes back about 15 minutes later sobbing "I couldn't do it! I couldn't end it..." (Side note: In my confused haze of a mind, I feel personally threatened, and after she leaves the bedroom, I lock the door and grab a metal water cub I keep at my side and prepare to actually fight if it comes to it, but once she returns, I back off that idea again.)
Talking with her more, I present her with two options; Couple's therapy, or divorce. BOTH of these options are world ending to her, and she even goes so far as to suggest that just because I said the "D word" that it was what I wanted, which was objectively untrue. We talk back and forth about things I don't quite recall at this point, aside from one point where she comes back and locks herself in the master bath and tells me to call 911, she doesn't care, because she's going to take a bunch of pills, but after a couple of hours, Z shows up to the door and knocks and asks if he can come in. I tell him he may enter, and we talk for a bit. After about 5ish minutes, we decide to go downstairs to the living room and continue the discussion.
Once I sit down on the sofa, I immediately feel like I'm being positioned as the bad guy. I'm in the corner of our sectional, and she's on my left, he's on my right. She tells him "He said it's either a divorce or couple's therapy." "Oh, so he gave you an ultimatum?" I continue to argue that yes, those are the two only options. Z tells me "You're not being fair to her emotions. She is telling you there is another option." I am thoroughly baffled at this statement.
D: I didn't think it was possible and I didn't mean for it to happen, but I have fallen in love with another man. My heart has room for two. I truly have two soulmates. I have never been happier than sleeping on the couch next to my two boys.
Z: There is no reason you guys can't stay married, and we can explore what we've found. I mean, look at how happy she has been since I have been here!
Sick to my stomach, I get up to go vomit in the toilet. Now, I wore a silicone wedding ring, and often find even with a hand wash, a little water tends to get trapped under it. After I finish and wash myself up, I come back and am playing with my ring to dry it. She sees this as a sign that I am uncomfortable again wearing my ring, and takes off her ring as I sit back down and hands me her wedding ring.
Me: Uh, excuse me?
D: This is what you want, I can tell.
Me: No? I was washing my hands and water gets stuck under my ring...
D: Oh... I thought... okay. (And she takes back her ring from me)
I tell her, very clearly, the options are to either end things with him, or end things with me. At this point, I'm still in shock, but sober in mind enough to decide that this is not worth fighting over. I will not argue with my own wife my merits or why she shouldn't just pack up and leave with a jobless, now essentially homeless man, and if she cannot figure that out herself then I will eventually move on.
Crying, sobbing, she sits down in front of him and says, "I'm so sorry, I fought for you. I really did. I told you I'd fight for you and I failed. I loved being your girlfriend, but I need to be a good wife and stay."
Z says "Alright." and starts to go gather his things to leave. As he does, she grabs him and says "No, wait! Please don't go. I don't know what I want."
Z: Ok, well if we're getting all this out in the open, I want to say this. I love this girl. I love her with my whole heart, and without her, life is not worth living. I will not leave this house if you (me) tell me to. Only her. You are taking this very well right now, I can tell you want to hit me (Still in shock, no, I can genuinely say that emotion or thought had not actually registered outside of the event upstairs earlier), but this is my stand.
D: OP, we had a good run. I'm sorry.
And with that, I get up and go to get my sandals and leave the house to get some air. As I try to go, she runs to the door and he follows her. She pushes the door closed and says "No wait, please!"
Me: No, this is the deal. I'm going out to get some fresh air. I am not threatening self harm to "win you back".
D: Will you be back?
Me: I don't know.
Z: Man, I'm telling you, you don't understand, you think I am your enemy, but I am not.
And with that, I leave and shut the door.
In the about, hour, I am gone, I drive around near the house and I call my supervisor who I have a very good relationship with (and I did not want to involve direct friends or family yet because I'm afraid it's too early to start spreading this news). I go over to her house nearby and we chat shortly. After our talk, I have at least something of a clear head and go home, with words for both of them.
As I arrive home, there is no one downstairs. I go upstairs. His door is closed. I knock on the door.
Z: Uh, one second.
I wait for about 5 agonizing seconds, but I refuse to be shut out of rooms in my own home and open the door. He is shirtless, and she is hiding in the corner just out of sight of me. I look him in the eye.
Me: Really?
Z: Yep.
Me: Get out of my house.
And with that, they both silently pack their things and leave.
The second I hear the front door close, I start calling people. I am not above pettiness, and the first person I call is her mom, whom I have a good relationship with. She is SHAKEN and immediately calls her. (I find out later that it was a particularly harsh verbal beating by her, but it really doesn't change anything.)
When I come downstairs to check the state of the house, I see her wedding ring on the counter. I call out of work the next day and lay down and hope I die.
Part 4: Her Problems
So, there is some additional context that I did not add in part 1 because a lot of it is red flags I ignored over the course of our relationship that, in the days following, started to become more and more obvious. There are many that I spent much effort playing off or covering her for, but I will try to briefly list much of what I see as glaring issues in the relationship that were never remedied.
This woman is 30 years old and cannot drive. She can drive and HAS driven my vehicle at the start of the relationship (albeit illegally), but after one tiny little accident where she hit a pole and knocked my side mirror off (which she paid for and fixed before telling me, it really wasn't a big deal. I was on deployment), she never drove again. Attempts to get her behind the wheel would end very quickly after they started, and the conditions to get her in the seat were often extremely time limited, scheduled, or something would come up, and every time I told her "okay, this month we're getting your license for sure" it just wouldn't happen and I'd end up feeling like the one who was at fault.
She does not have her Bachelor's degree because she did not turn in her final project for one single class. Not only that, but she has never truly pursued a career with the things she learned from the coursework, or even used her AA.
For half of the relationship, she did not work at all. When she did, it was often part time work, and if she was saddled with full time hours or, god forbid, overtime, it was a world-ending affair. She would come home and constantly be tired from her few hours at work and would do little more than sit around and crochet.
Our agreement when we bought our house was that she was going to work full time and we were going to split household duties, but I would definitely scoop the cat box because she was allergic (but she wanted cats) and wash dishes (because she hated them), and she would do laundry (because I hated it). In practice, all her version of laundry turned out to be was to throw loads in when one of us was out of clothes and just hit wash and then rotate, and then leave all the clothes in a pile on the bed. EVERYONE KNOWS folding the laundry is the worst part! Come on! Men's clothes are easy! I don't wear that much! (When we would fold, I often finished in a third of her time and would just hang out and chat until she was done)
Ultimately, this meant that for many years now, she was working barely more than part time if she was working at all, and would sort-of do laundry. Meanwhile, I am scooping litter, folding laundry, doing dishes, doing all related yard work, doing all the household cleaning, handling all the finances, I did MOST of the cooking, and all of the grocery shopping (often going alone), driving her from work if I could (she'd uber it if not) and picking her up and driving her home, as well as just generally being a chauffeur for her for 10 years, while working a full time job and a side gig online. Many nights I'd have to stop what I was doing to pick her up at closing hours, and then would sit in the parking lot for 30 minutes while she did tasks like vacuum her little crystal shop that she definitely could have done before close so I didn't end up waiting so damn long. Then we'd come home hang out and eat while we watched TV, and then if I wanted to try and go upstairs to do another hobby, I'd be silently guilted about it because she wanted to sit on the couch and crochet.
Part 5: My Problems
I am not perfect, and admit I have flaws. One of her favorite things to claim to our friends now is that I was "emotionally neglectful", and if there is truth to it, I think I can pin down the day. Before I started working full time again, I was going to school on the 9/11 GI bill. I was not a good student in my younger years, but in time, I have become rather good at school. My first two semesters back I easily maintained a 4.0 GPA. Over the summer in 2022, I, woefully, decided to take a Calc 2 class online because I could not find one in person and wanted to be ready for Calc 3 in the Fall to fill a prereq for my bachelor's, and I really liked the instructor for that Calc 3 class. This calc 2 class was painful. The instructor had clearly recorded all his lectures during Covid and we were simply given the full course of videos and given work assignments and said "Email me if you have questions." This is not how I learn, but I figured, hey, it's one class. I'm working again, but one class isn't a huge deal. I can knock this out.
I was wrong.
After the second exam, I had a low C in the class and I knew I couldn't keep up. I withdrew from the class feeling no other option. I tend to be pretty good at math, and ultimately my dream was to work with 3d printing on an industrial scale with a Mechanical Engineering degree- and if that failed I had my military history (which is engineering relevant) and a degree to fall back on and work should come easily. After clicking that withdraw button, I saw those dreams vaporize. After that, I threw myself into my government civilian job full time and slowly fell into depression. By the end of our relationship, with the toll of doing 99% of the work around the house and for her and with my dreams dead and buried, at age 33, I would wake up and pray I died. I would never kill myself, but I wanted to just die. I felt backed into a corner. I still did everything I could to support her and hoped that one day, she would pick up some of the load and maybe, just maybe, I could go back, but that day did not come (At least not in the way I expected).
Part 6: The Aftermath
This post is already too long, and if I include every single detail that has come to light since, I might actually hit the post cap, but I will go over at least some of it here.
I have had my friends come out in droves. Both of them have been effectively exiled, at least from what I can see, from every friend circle we have. After a couple of days, they flew back to live with, I guess, his parents in Vegas while they sorted shit out, because after I spoke with Z's previous roommate, he adamantly explained he was tired of all the "fucking drama" that Z had been bringing into the house and was just done with it.
I have spoken with many, many people and gotten even more context and even receipts of some of each of their conversations to our mutual friends, and some of the shit I read is just hilarious. He is "not ashamed of pursuing happiness, he is just sad that people got hurt". She is "coming to terms with emotional neglect and felt trapped, but now, yes now, she is free."
I got my neighbors to watch the cats, and took my dog up to visit my closest friend of 20 years and spent about a week and a half drinking, smoking, and talking about all this while surrounded by some of the most beautiful nature the US has to offer. Truly, without this man, I don't think I'd have gotten this far as quickly as I have. He really has been a lifesaver and I truly, to my dying day, will always appreciate him.
Paperwork has been filed, we wish to remain on good terms, and one day I still do hope I can be a friend to her, but she is woefully immature and incapable of adequately performing in an adult society. I have quit my job and am returning to school with a much lighter budget and will be getting that degree I desperately need.
It's been hard, real hard. I have put every ounce of my being into this relationship, and I truly felt like she was part of me, and nothing like this could ever happen. But it's that trust that allowed this to happen. I do not hate her, I'm just disappointed. I will pick up my pieces and, hopefully, find myself whole again soon.
Part 7: Rambling anecdotes
These are some stories I wanted to include in the previous body of text but didn't feel like it kept the same flow (if there even is any at all, I'm not proofreading this). If I remember any others after I post, Ill just toss them in the comments.
Early after Z came to live with us, my mother came to the house to drop off a package. I am pretty sure I was at work, but when my mother came to the door, both of them answered the door and the way my mom describes it "First of all, do you answer the door at your friends house? Also, the way he hovered over her made me uncomfortable. They were in the doorway and he was right up behind her poking his head out." She said my wife had told her that I was feeling unwell and was upstairs sleeping. I can't even be sure at this point.
Shortly before all the things happened, my parents were going out of town to celebrate their own anniversary, and I had agreed to dog-sit their 5 month old puppy (who, while cute, has WAY too much energy and was EXTREMELY difficult to handle, and I have raised several dogs at this point). We met up and took the dog, and then ALL of us (including Z) went to dinner. At dinner, my mother looked at my wife and asked, directly "And so how long have you been married? 6, almost 7 years? Well at least you missed that 7 year itch, huh" and my wife shortly followed with a comment about how she was not hungry and did not eat dinner that night.
All of this happened WHILE THIS CRAZY PUPPY was running around the house, and part of me thinks he pushed this to happen when it did because he could not stand having to help take care of this dog any longer (2 days).
About a week after all this happened, my wife did not text or call me, or respond to any messages or emails I sent her (I didn't send many, but they exist). Frustrated, I text her and tell her I need to talk to her about logistics moving forward, specifically about her belongings. She told me "I will talk to you when I am ready." We did not talk for another week. Also, she told me to stop talking to her mom. (I have a good relationship with both of my in-laws and while her step-father tried to remain impartial to the best of his abilities, he gave me some of the best advice I could possibly have gotten at that time, mostly about how to move forward and cope, as he has personally dealt with this with smaller relationships 3 separate times in his life which he gave me details on, and we are still on good terms.)
Their favorite TV show to watch together was Outlander, which, if you aren't aware, is basically a story about a woman who time travels and has two men in her life.
One of our biggest constant points of contention was my friendship with an old high school buddy (who I spent much of the time in the aftermath hanging out with while healing). We believe, with good reason, that she hated this man because after I had almost been hospitalized for psych reasons due to stress, he had told me I needed to talk to her about working again and doing more to help around the house. She figured out, obviously, who was telling me to say these things, and sent a very, very angry text to his wife. They all apparently made up, but I know she never let that grudge go.
One of the fairly recent hobbies I got into was D&D. It seemed like a good fit for all of us. She loved fantasy and gaming, I enjoyed 3d printing and story telling. She needed friends, and a party of people hangin out would give her at least a few connections to start. Every night she "participated" in D&D, she mostly sat quiet and did not do anything. Hell, I tried to get her to participate in 2 different games, and after she left the first one, she asked to just sit quietly in the discord call (This first one was online only, second was in person) and listen, which was super awkward. In the in person game, after 3 months of playing, she did not know how to play her character at all, and mostly spent her time at the table crocheting. (My buddy even made a comment about how at one point, he was proud of how good I was getting at DMing and I was giving particularly good exposition, and she interrupted me to hand another player at the table a dice bag she made. I don't remember it, but I absolutely believe this happened.)
The day of "the incident", she had a meltdown about how a friend of hers had ghosted her. I told her it was okay, she was much younger anyway and people grow apart. She's probably going through stuff and we should respect that path she's on. She cried about how she has no friends.
Also the day of "the incident", we were in the shower together and she told me she had met her sister's new BF on facetime. I asked "why did she break up with her old one?" "Well... she cheated on him." "Oh, that's a shame. Cheating is probably the most cowardly act a person can do to another. If you're going to start a new relationship, you need to grow a pair and end it before starting a new one." She clearly took my words to heart.
One of my biggest pet peeves about cleaning the house is our dog sheds, a lot. If I see a hairball roll through the house it immediately drains me a bit. We had a roomba. She would send that thing home when it started and never start it again. It barely ran. She would not vacuum.
One of the most common descriptors of her I've heard used by many people now that they're "allowed to" is "She was there, doing the thing with us, but it was like she wasn't there."
Something she thought that I apparently hadn't figured out by the time we talked after everything happened was that they had been talking since February. I told her I wasn't stupid and had figured it out already that this wasn't out of the blue.
Z's wife is currently pregnant with the baby of the man she cheated on him with. (And he is also married)
Anything else I remember Ill leave for comments, I know there is much, much more.
TL;DR
A friend of mine of 4 years drank himself into liver failure and his wife cheated on him, so I offered him a free room to try and put his life back together, and I was repaid for the thought with a divorce of my own, but honestly, it's probably not that bad.
2024.05.15 02:36 majoroofboys A Guide on What to Do At College if You Want To Succeed
There was a post that was recently posted and it's been asked a ton: "How do I get a computer science related job after I graduate from KSU?". I thought I'd share this with everyone because I've been down this path and managed to make it on the other side. This will be a long explanation and hopefully, can serve as some sort of guide for students. That being said, things are subjective and this is not the holy grail of how to make it. You might find all, some or none of it useful. I encourage testimonials and whatnot in the comments. YMMV
Some information about me: I've been around here for a while. I was a student not too long ago, studied computer science for my bachelors. After graduating, I work in FAANG and have worked in big tech for a while. No, I don't work at Amazon. I am a senior software engineer. I touch frontend & backend technologies. I participate in hiring frequently.
Over the years and while attending here, there's been a weird disconnect between students, goals and how to achieve them in tech. Goals can be anywhere from learning new technologies, getting internships to securing a full time job before or after you graduate. As much as I would love for there to be a path where you can do minimum effort and still succeed, there isn't. A lot of you seem to not realize that. Getting a degree in this field is not enough. Doing projects that show no passion / interests is not enough. Being stuck on tutorials for years is not enough.
This field is much like a sport. There are very few people that can just be great without any effort. You have to be consistent. Four years is not a lot of time. It goes by super fast. If you constantly push things back and you do not take the time to learn the fundamentals outside the classroom, you will not succeed in this field. This field is at a point where there's so many of you. Every post on LinkedIn and news articles said "hey, this field is a gold mine and you'll make six figures out the gate". For a time, maybe that was somewhat true. As of writing this, it's not. You're going against people who have: better schools, better experience, etc. You have to find a way to diversify yourself early. If you can't diversify, you're going to be in a tough place later down the road. Knowledge not something you can just consume in less than an hour and pass an interview. You have to know it well. If you don't, there's someone else who will.
There's an interesting connotation in life that you're either born super smart or an absolute idiot and that you have to be smart to do computer science / programming. There are people with raw IQ that can consume things like no one you've ever met but, that's such a rarity that there's no realistic use in using that as a data point. If you ever took the time to ask someone who you thought was really good at something, they would tell you something along the lines of: I love what I do and I spent a lot of time doing this. There are hours and hours of time people put into passions that you don't / will never see. Meaning that they can no-life this shit for days on end and still come back and do it some more. It doesn't mean that you can't succeed if don't do that but, computing / programming is a very boring field if you do not enjoy it. I would seriously contemplate why you're doing through this. If you're doing it for money and only money, you're going to end up miserable. No amount of money can make you do something you hate. It'll wear you down both mentally and physically. If you're doing this because it's a mix of passion and money, you're like everyone else and you gave yourself a better shot. It's a mental thing. Don't climb uphill if you rather sit at the bottom. There's nothing wrong with that. But, don't do it.
Additionally, college is what you make of it. Blaming professors or the program (while I do agree sometimes) is not great. Blaming professors that don't speak English is a cop out. If you work in tech, you'll be interacting with a lot of people from other countries. Professors and TAs can only teach you so much. Classes are meant to give you a taste of what it's like in that domain / space. It's not meant to fix all your issues and show you the way. That's for you to do on your own time. Take accountability of your own success, explore the internet (it's free) and lock in. Stop looking for opportunities to find you. Actively seek them out yourself.
Make connections with people. I cannot stress how important this is. Especially on the Marietta campus, there's a lot of you that go to class, stingers / food, run to class and immediately start gaming and think that when your classes are over, you're done for the day. That's such a bad mindset. Make connections with people. A lot of people say "there's nothing to do at KSU and there's no life on campus". That's not true. Join a club that interests you. Get close to the people in that club who actively attend and build a personal relationship. If there's no club with your interest, make a club. You can make one officially through KSU or add a discord server to the student hub and go from there. You'll meet some really cool people. Lots of my connections have come from randomly showing up to a club, getting out of my comfort zone and weirdly enjoying it.
Brush up on your interview skills. Technical and behavioral abilities matter. Culture fit matters. A lot of you seem to walk around with almost zero personal hygiene. Clean yourself up, practice talking to people and get places. There's been this stigma that culture fit doesn't matter as much as technical and if I have great technical abilities, they'll just accept me. I can tell you for an absolutely fact that I have thrown out / tossed out resumes from highly technical individuals that had zero people skills. If you can't communicate and clean up, you're more of a risk than someone who does all those things and has a bit less technical ability. Know more than just leetcode. Learn system design. Take a course / watch a video on Linux and bash. Do not be afraid of the command line interface. Take feedback seriously. Do not argue with people. If you future manager / colleague tells you that you need to work on things, work on those things. There's nothing worth than a co-worker in denial.
As for internships and full time opportunities, there's a few classes at KSU that you really want to master: Data structures, Algorithm Analysis, Operating Systems and Discrete math. If you're in a major that doesn't have those classes, spend the extra money and take those classes. Do not take them online if you can afford to come in person. Take the hardest / best professors for those courses. Super important. Leetcode is quite literally, those two classes merged together in a prompt-style format. If you do not understand those concepts, you will not make it in this field.
Data Structures - Varies. Rate my professor.
Algorithm Analysis - Varies. Rate my professor.
Operating Systems - Do not take Carla McManus if you want to learn the concepts fluently.
Discrete Math - Andy Wilson.
Having solid resume is super important. Many people who don't secure things and get automatically rejected, etc have horrible resumes. Spend the money to get your resume professionally written. Templates are cool but, they don't convey information well. Don't put every achievement ever on there. The rule of "only one page" is complete and total bullshit. If you have projects and prior work experience related to the role, list it down. Don't conserve space for the sake of keeping it one page. I know the career center actively tells people on handshake to keep it to one page. They're wrong. I landed internships consistently at big tech / FAANG for years with a 1.5 / 2 page resume. Do not lie on your resume. If you can't solve a leetcode hard consistently with the technology / language of choice, you don't know it well enough. I have interviewed a ton of students that list they know C or Python and can't write recursion or gives me a solution in O(N^2) or worse. Aim for O(N), use a hashmap / hash table when you can and do it in a language that doesn't make you fight the runtime / compiler. Trust me, we know when you're making shit up. If you don't know something say it and then, tell them to explain more. This way, you show that you have the capability to learn. Ask smart questions. Do not ask questions that have already been answered. Take notes.
On your resume, experience is only real experience if you get a W2. If you don't get a W2, you can't claim it as professional experience. A lot of background checks these days are drilling down on incorrect information. I have seen instances where people lie, get an offer, company finds out through a comprehensive background check and their offer is gone. Do not put the fate of your future income on a lie. I cannot stress this enough. A lot of students actively lie.
Secondly, the trick to getting a good internship is timing. A lot of you want until Nov - Dec to find an internship and then, throw your hands up when no one responds. That's not a good mindset. Solid internships are recruiting in end of July to August. By September, the amount of open spots are extremely thin. Local companies tend to look for internships during this time. Internships are about luck after that. Reach out to people in your circle to increase your odds. A referral goes a long way. Prior experience through projects that are complex and unique go a long way. It's a numbers game. Don't aim for the highest thing ever without some sort of referral. You can still apply but, do not expect much from it. Start small and work your way up. It's extremely rare to go from KSU undergrad sophomore to Google. It takes a lot of outside work. If you happen to land the internship, make sure that you get recommendations at the end. Having real people who you worked with in a professional capacity that can vouch for you is huge. If you're in your junior year and you get an internship, make sure you try to secure a full time offer. Loop in your boss, mentor, etc. Make your expectations clear. Reach their expectations and beyond.
Thirdly, full time opportunities are rare and most new grads that get hire come from the previous year's intern pool. If you don't get converted, you have to make up that time searching for a job during your senior year. If you do get converted, keep looking because companies are flaky these days. Always have a Plan B & C. Never fully count on Plan A. If you don't have internships across four years, it's over for you. From a hiring manager perspective, it's an absolute red flag when we come across someone with a degree and no internships. That's effectively going against the point of college. You'll have to settle for crumbs and crawl your way up. Very few make it out of that hole. Especially, now.
Do not wait until after you graduate to find a job. Jan - Early May are when most companies finalize budgets and hire. If you wait until after May, you'll have to wait until after the Summer and possibly, October for hiring to pick up again. Proactivity is nothing but good for you. If you can't be proactive then, you won't succeed in this field. Referrals matter but, personal connections with the hiring manager / recruiter are much, much better. Work your way up. Don't discount an opportunity because it doesn't pay well. Get as much experience as you can and bounce around. Do not go into the gate thinking you're going to make $120K - $140K / yr out the gate. You're most-likely going to make $68K - $75K / yr depending on the location. Do not listen to LinkedIn posts that claim all this cool shit and how to do it. Trust me, it's bullshit. Don't pay attention to it. It's a brag-fest. It's a long road. Start walking on it early and you'll reach the other side when it matters most.
The reality of this economy is that highly experience people have been laid off. Those people are applying to entry level roles and those roles are being filled for cheap. In addition, watch out for fake postings and scam jobs. If you take a contract job, always keep looking. Avoid jobs that will providing "training" before you even start. Avoid jobs that are less than week old. You want things that are fresh. It's a numbers game. Apply for 300+ jobs every week until you get a response back. Don't be discouraged by employers who don't respond or ghost you. Keep at it. It's a mental game.
I think if you do these things, you'll end up at a great spot after four years. If you're just now coming across this and you've been slacking, use this an opportunity to wake the fuck up, light a fire under your ass and lock in. If you're still in denial after reading this post and you have yet to get anything, light a fire under your ass, come to terms with it and lock in.
If you're in it to do zero work, cheat on your classes, mess around for four years and somehow wing a high salary, good luck. You're fucked. You're so fucked, in-fact, that you'll be wondering "why me and why is it so hard" for a long ass time.
Some cool guides I've found over there years:
Git - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CvUiKWv2-C0
Github (use this as you portfolio; web devs should make an actual clean website) - https://github.com
Github Student Pack (tons of free resources) - https://education.github.com/pack
Linux Handbook - https://linuxhandbook.com/ Linux Quickguide - https://github.com/mikeroyal/Linux-Guide
Cool Linux-based Subreddit - linuxupskillchallenge
Understand: Kernel Space vs. User Space, Memory Allocation / Deallocation, Bitwise Operations, Memory blocks, processes and threads, context switching
System Design Primer - https://github.com/donnemartin/system-design-primer
Understand: Monolith vs. Micro-services, Tradeoffs between different approaches, Vertical vs. Horizontal Scaling, Load Balancers, Buckets, Data lakes, CI / CD Pipelines, Data Clusters, Client-Server Architecture, Synchronous vs. Asynchronous Context: System design is like a giant puzzle that has many forms. Create a basic design. It won't be perfect. Mix-and-match different services and know why, how and tradeoffs between each approach.
Programming language is dependent on the role and what the company favors. Common ones are Java, C++, Python, C#, JavaScript / TypeScript and C. You can look at jobs that you would like to work someday, look at the requirements and use that as a basis on where to start learning. Things constantly change. Fundamentals build up on each other. Start small. Work your way up. Do not dream big. Dream realistic. Everyone is different.
submitted by majoroofboys to KSU [link] [comments]
Some information about me: I've been around here for a while. I was a student not too long ago, studied computer science for my bachelors. After graduating, I work in FAANG and have worked in big tech for a while. No, I don't work at Amazon. I am a senior software engineer. I touch frontend & backend technologies. I participate in hiring frequently.
Over the years and while attending here, there's been a weird disconnect between students, goals and how to achieve them in tech. Goals can be anywhere from learning new technologies, getting internships to securing a full time job before or after you graduate. As much as I would love for there to be a path where you can do minimum effort and still succeed, there isn't. A lot of you seem to not realize that. Getting a degree in this field is not enough. Doing projects that show no passion / interests is not enough. Being stuck on tutorials for years is not enough.
This field is much like a sport. There are very few people that can just be great without any effort. You have to be consistent. Four years is not a lot of time. It goes by super fast. If you constantly push things back and you do not take the time to learn the fundamentals outside the classroom, you will not succeed in this field. This field is at a point where there's so many of you. Every post on LinkedIn and news articles said "hey, this field is a gold mine and you'll make six figures out the gate". For a time, maybe that was somewhat true. As of writing this, it's not. You're going against people who have: better schools, better experience, etc. You have to find a way to diversify yourself early. If you can't diversify, you're going to be in a tough place later down the road. Knowledge not something you can just consume in less than an hour and pass an interview. You have to know it well. If you don't, there's someone else who will.
There's an interesting connotation in life that you're either born super smart or an absolute idiot and that you have to be smart to do computer science / programming. There are people with raw IQ that can consume things like no one you've ever met but, that's such a rarity that there's no realistic use in using that as a data point. If you ever took the time to ask someone who you thought was really good at something, they would tell you something along the lines of: I love what I do and I spent a lot of time doing this. There are hours and hours of time people put into passions that you don't / will never see. Meaning that they can no-life this shit for days on end and still come back and do it some more. It doesn't mean that you can't succeed if don't do that but, computing / programming is a very boring field if you do not enjoy it. I would seriously contemplate why you're doing through this. If you're doing it for money and only money, you're going to end up miserable. No amount of money can make you do something you hate. It'll wear you down both mentally and physically. If you're doing this because it's a mix of passion and money, you're like everyone else and you gave yourself a better shot. It's a mental thing. Don't climb uphill if you rather sit at the bottom. There's nothing wrong with that. But, don't do it.
Additionally, college is what you make of it. Blaming professors or the program (while I do agree sometimes) is not great. Blaming professors that don't speak English is a cop out. If you work in tech, you'll be interacting with a lot of people from other countries. Professors and TAs can only teach you so much. Classes are meant to give you a taste of what it's like in that domain / space. It's not meant to fix all your issues and show you the way. That's for you to do on your own time. Take accountability of your own success, explore the internet (it's free) and lock in. Stop looking for opportunities to find you. Actively seek them out yourself.
Make connections with people. I cannot stress how important this is. Especially on the Marietta campus, there's a lot of you that go to class, stingers / food, run to class and immediately start gaming and think that when your classes are over, you're done for the day. That's such a bad mindset. Make connections with people. A lot of people say "there's nothing to do at KSU and there's no life on campus". That's not true. Join a club that interests you. Get close to the people in that club who actively attend and build a personal relationship. If there's no club with your interest, make a club. You can make one officially through KSU or add a discord server to the student hub and go from there. You'll meet some really cool people. Lots of my connections have come from randomly showing up to a club, getting out of my comfort zone and weirdly enjoying it.
Brush up on your interview skills. Technical and behavioral abilities matter. Culture fit matters. A lot of you seem to walk around with almost zero personal hygiene. Clean yourself up, practice talking to people and get places. There's been this stigma that culture fit doesn't matter as much as technical and if I have great technical abilities, they'll just accept me. I can tell you for an absolutely fact that I have thrown out / tossed out resumes from highly technical individuals that had zero people skills. If you can't communicate and clean up, you're more of a risk than someone who does all those things and has a bit less technical ability. Know more than just leetcode. Learn system design. Take a course / watch a video on Linux and bash. Do not be afraid of the command line interface. Take feedback seriously. Do not argue with people. If you future manager / colleague tells you that you need to work on things, work on those things. There's nothing worth than a co-worker in denial.
As for internships and full time opportunities, there's a few classes at KSU that you really want to master: Data structures, Algorithm Analysis, Operating Systems and Discrete math. If you're in a major that doesn't have those classes, spend the extra money and take those classes. Do not take them online if you can afford to come in person. Take the hardest / best professors for those courses. Super important. Leetcode is quite literally, those two classes merged together in a prompt-style format. If you do not understand those concepts, you will not make it in this field.
Data Structures - Varies. Rate my professor.
Algorithm Analysis - Varies. Rate my professor.
Operating Systems - Do not take Carla McManus if you want to learn the concepts fluently.
Discrete Math - Andy Wilson.
Having solid resume is super important. Many people who don't secure things and get automatically rejected, etc have horrible resumes. Spend the money to get your resume professionally written. Templates are cool but, they don't convey information well. Don't put every achievement ever on there. The rule of "only one page" is complete and total bullshit. If you have projects and prior work experience related to the role, list it down. Don't conserve space for the sake of keeping it one page. I know the career center actively tells people on handshake to keep it to one page. They're wrong. I landed internships consistently at big tech / FAANG for years with a 1.5 / 2 page resume. Do not lie on your resume. If you can't solve a leetcode hard consistently with the technology / language of choice, you don't know it well enough. I have interviewed a ton of students that list they know C or Python and can't write recursion or gives me a solution in O(N^2) or worse. Aim for O(N), use a hashmap / hash table when you can and do it in a language that doesn't make you fight the runtime / compiler. Trust me, we know when you're making shit up. If you don't know something say it and then, tell them to explain more. This way, you show that you have the capability to learn. Ask smart questions. Do not ask questions that have already been answered. Take notes.
On your resume, experience is only real experience if you get a W2. If you don't get a W2, you can't claim it as professional experience. A lot of background checks these days are drilling down on incorrect information. I have seen instances where people lie, get an offer, company finds out through a comprehensive background check and their offer is gone. Do not put the fate of your future income on a lie. I cannot stress this enough. A lot of students actively lie.
Secondly, the trick to getting a good internship is timing. A lot of you want until Nov - Dec to find an internship and then, throw your hands up when no one responds. That's not a good mindset. Solid internships are recruiting in end of July to August. By September, the amount of open spots are extremely thin. Local companies tend to look for internships during this time. Internships are about luck after that. Reach out to people in your circle to increase your odds. A referral goes a long way. Prior experience through projects that are complex and unique go a long way. It's a numbers game. Don't aim for the highest thing ever without some sort of referral. You can still apply but, do not expect much from it. Start small and work your way up. It's extremely rare to go from KSU undergrad sophomore to Google. It takes a lot of outside work. If you happen to land the internship, make sure that you get recommendations at the end. Having real people who you worked with in a professional capacity that can vouch for you is huge. If you're in your junior year and you get an internship, make sure you try to secure a full time offer. Loop in your boss, mentor, etc. Make your expectations clear. Reach their expectations and beyond.
Thirdly, full time opportunities are rare and most new grads that get hire come from the previous year's intern pool. If you don't get converted, you have to make up that time searching for a job during your senior year. If you do get converted, keep looking because companies are flaky these days. Always have a Plan B & C. Never fully count on Plan A. If you don't have internships across four years, it's over for you. From a hiring manager perspective, it's an absolute red flag when we come across someone with a degree and no internships. That's effectively going against the point of college. You'll have to settle for crumbs and crawl your way up. Very few make it out of that hole. Especially, now.
Do not wait until after you graduate to find a job. Jan - Early May are when most companies finalize budgets and hire. If you wait until after May, you'll have to wait until after the Summer and possibly, October for hiring to pick up again. Proactivity is nothing but good for you. If you can't be proactive then, you won't succeed in this field. Referrals matter but, personal connections with the hiring manager / recruiter are much, much better. Work your way up. Don't discount an opportunity because it doesn't pay well. Get as much experience as you can and bounce around. Do not go into the gate thinking you're going to make $120K - $140K / yr out the gate. You're most-likely going to make $68K - $75K / yr depending on the location. Do not listen to LinkedIn posts that claim all this cool shit and how to do it. Trust me, it's bullshit. Don't pay attention to it. It's a brag-fest. It's a long road. Start walking on it early and you'll reach the other side when it matters most.
The reality of this economy is that highly experience people have been laid off. Those people are applying to entry level roles and those roles are being filled for cheap. In addition, watch out for fake postings and scam jobs. If you take a contract job, always keep looking. Avoid jobs that will providing "training" before you even start. Avoid jobs that are less than week old. You want things that are fresh. It's a numbers game. Apply for 300+ jobs every week until you get a response back. Don't be discouraged by employers who don't respond or ghost you. Keep at it. It's a mental game.
I think if you do these things, you'll end up at a great spot after four years. If you're just now coming across this and you've been slacking, use this an opportunity to wake the fuck up, light a fire under your ass and lock in. If you're still in denial after reading this post and you have yet to get anything, light a fire under your ass, come to terms with it and lock in.
If you're in it to do zero work, cheat on your classes, mess around for four years and somehow wing a high salary, good luck. You're fucked. You're so fucked, in-fact, that you'll be wondering "why me and why is it so hard" for a long ass time.
Some cool guides I've found over there years:
Git - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CvUiKWv2-C0
Github (use this as you portfolio; web devs should make an actual clean website) - https://github.com
Github Student Pack (tons of free resources) - https://education.github.com/pack
Linux Handbook - https://linuxhandbook.com/ Linux Quickguide - https://github.com/mikeroyal/Linux-Guide
Cool Linux-based Subreddit - linuxupskillchallenge
Understand: Kernel Space vs. User Space, Memory Allocation / Deallocation, Bitwise Operations, Memory blocks, processes and threads, context switching
System Design Primer - https://github.com/donnemartin/system-design-primer
Understand: Monolith vs. Micro-services, Tradeoffs between different approaches, Vertical vs. Horizontal Scaling, Load Balancers, Buckets, Data lakes, CI / CD Pipelines, Data Clusters, Client-Server Architecture, Synchronous vs. Asynchronous Context: System design is like a giant puzzle that has many forms. Create a basic design. It won't be perfect. Mix-and-match different services and know why, how and tradeoffs between each approach.
Programming language is dependent on the role and what the company favors. Common ones are Java, C++, Python, C#, JavaScript / TypeScript and C. You can look at jobs that you would like to work someday, look at the requirements and use that as a basis on where to start learning. Things constantly change. Fundamentals build up on each other. Start small. Work your way up. Do not dream big. Dream realistic. Everyone is different.
2024.05.15 02:36 hehefilipino [Academic] Calling Everyone Who Struggled With Their Mental Health
We are a group of Business Administration students from the University of the Philippines-Diliman, inviting you to our study in developing an 'Online Mental Health Services Application' to address the challenges individuals face in accessing mental health services. š©·
To help us understand your needs and preferences as potential users, your participation would be invaluable in helping us propose a more effective and accessible mental health resource. š„ŗ
š https://forms.gle/cGXr6wiNnwNZmDvF6
Rest assured that all your answers are kept confidential. Thank you for your support!
If you have any questions, please feel free to send me a message anytime ā¤ļøš¤š½
submitted by hehefilipino to SurveyExchange [link] [comments]
To help us understand your needs and preferences as potential users, your participation would be invaluable in helping us propose a more effective and accessible mental health resource. š„ŗ
š https://forms.gle/cGXr6wiNnwNZmDvF6
Rest assured that all your answers are kept confidential. Thank you for your support!
If you have any questions, please feel free to send me a message anytime ā¤ļøš¤š½
2024.05.15 02:36 Nursinghomewhore āCorrupt data foundā when downloading exclusive items for online members.
Someone please helpš© I recently tried to download the exclusive items you get for being an online member for Nintendo switch. It wouldnāt let me download it because there was ācorrupt data foundā? Anyway I ignored it because I didnāt care about the items anyway, but today I got happy home paradise and tried to download it. Guess what kept downloading with it, the corrupt dlc! So like an idiot I deleted the acnh software because I listened to some website and now I canāt even redownload acnh. After factory resetting my switch (without losing my data of course) itās still not working- although the software nearly fully downloaded until the free dlc decided to mess up the entire download by bringing its corrupt data and caused the entire download to collapse AGAIN. Does anyone know how to sort this because Iām going crazy trying to access Ā£70/$90 worth of content.
submitted by Nursinghomewhore to AnimalCrossing [link] [comments]
2024.05.15 02:34 Professional-Trust75 More questions
I just asked about lightsaber crystals. Thanks for the info. I realized there was a couple more things I wanted to ask before jumping back on.
submitted by Professional-Trust75 to swtor [link] [comments]
- Can a jedi consular wield a lightsaber light darth maul?
- What are the big differences between the smugglebounty hunter specs with flamethrowe missles? I get the weapons, I'm asking what gameplay wise is changed? I'm thinking flamethrower spec for smuggler and the missle spec for bounty hunter. Sounded fun.
- I only have the basic 25 k credit mount. Glad to have to but what are some good mounts to go for as free to play? Also can they be used/ shared across account?
2024.05.15 02:34 KickingLifesAss AITAH for ignoring my sister and not wanting her in my new apartment?
TW: Mentions of domestic abuse, brief mention of eating disorders
(TL;D My sister has been selfish and narcissistic for as long as I can remember. Now that I'm moving back to our home town as an adult, I want to create a stress free, peaceful environment for myself in my new apartment. To me, that means that I don't want her coming over and I don't want to be around her more than I have to be. I've also been actively dodging her calls for the last month and will probably continue doing so when I get home. My mom thinks I'm being an AH and that I need to give my sis another chance. I think my sister has used more than enough chances in the time that I've been alive. AITAH?)
I (22F) do not really like my sister, Maggie (37F; fake name). Listen, I do love her, and I would never wish anything bad on her - but man, about 98% of the time, I can't fucking stand her.
Maggie's been through a lot: she's bipolar, done prison time, been through multiple physically and emotionally abusive relationships that have put her in the hospital, lives off disability, and is raising two children (10F & 2M). A good chunk of her problems are things that she will never be able to control, and I don't blame her for those. What I do blame her for is the fact that she continues making fucking awful decisions at the expense of her family (especially my niece and nephew), and then she blames everyone and every circumstance except for herself. She can also be mean and vindictive, and if you try to make her face consequences for her actions, she will gaslight the hell out of you, pull the pity card, and/or threaten you until you leave it alone.
I could go on and on about the shit she's done to my loved ones, but I'm going to try to keep this down to just what she's done to me. Here are some more recent examples of why I don't want to be around her:
Really need some advice that isn't from family. I'm open to being wrong, but please be nice to me. Thank you in advance!
submitted by KickingLifesAss to AITAH [link] [comments]
(TL;D My sister has been selfish and narcissistic for as long as I can remember. Now that I'm moving back to our home town as an adult, I want to create a stress free, peaceful environment for myself in my new apartment. To me, that means that I don't want her coming over and I don't want to be around her more than I have to be. I've also been actively dodging her calls for the last month and will probably continue doing so when I get home. My mom thinks I'm being an AH and that I need to give my sis another chance. I think my sister has used more than enough chances in the time that I've been alive. AITAH?)
I (22F) do not really like my sister, Maggie (37F; fake name). Listen, I do love her, and I would never wish anything bad on her - but man, about 98% of the time, I can't fucking stand her.
Maggie's been through a lot: she's bipolar, done prison time, been through multiple physically and emotionally abusive relationships that have put her in the hospital, lives off disability, and is raising two children (10F & 2M). A good chunk of her problems are things that she will never be able to control, and I don't blame her for those. What I do blame her for is the fact that she continues making fucking awful decisions at the expense of her family (especially my niece and nephew), and then she blames everyone and every circumstance except for herself. She can also be mean and vindictive, and if you try to make her face consequences for her actions, she will gaslight the hell out of you, pull the pity card, and/or threaten you until you leave it alone.
I could go on and on about the shit she's done to my loved ones, but I'm going to try to keep this down to just what she's done to me. Here are some more recent examples of why I don't want to be around her:
- When I was in college her untrained, constantly off-leash, agressive dog scratched up the side of my car, and when I brought up that I thought it was fair that she help me fix it, she started calling me a spoiled golden child (for reference, I have worked since I was 14 and have been fortunate enough to pay for my first car, for my time in college, and for my housing since I moved out) and saying that I can deal with a little cosmetic damage. When I kept pressing that it wasn't okay for her get away with this, she threatened to throw my cat out on the street (he was staying with her until I could move him into my dorm room, but I paid for all of his expenses). I told her I would come get him then since I clearly couldn't trust her with him. She screamed at me then threatened to tell our mom that I had started smoking (like I'm not a full grown adult).
- She blatantly disrespected my wishes concerning my cat when he was staying with her (letting him outside AND leaving him out there for days, tipping his ear, feeding the special food I bought for him to her cats and having him eat the generic food she buys when her cats ate all of his food, etc.)
- She used to use me as way to get her ex-bf to stop being hostile, instead of calling the cops (because "he doesn't mean to hurt anyone"), because seeing me cry made him stop yelling at her one time. She would trick me into coming over by saying that she needed some help with my niece or that my cat needed me, when in reality SHE WAS INVITING ME INTO AN ACTIVELY TRAUMITIZING DV SITUATION INSTEAD OF GETTING HELP. This happened three times successfully for her, before the fourth (and last time that I fell for it), her ex ignored me pleading with him to stop and ended up shoving me down and out of the way to get to her.
- For the last year while I've been living out of town, she has only ever called or texted to indirectly ask for money, to ask for me to do something for her, or to complain about her life. I wouldn't mind her venting if she even remotely pretended that she wanted to know how I was doing too lol. For instance, when I was in a facility for a few week because of my ED, she CALLED PURELY TO COMPLAIN ABOUT WHAT A BURDEN HER CHILDREN ARE. No, "hey sis, how are you? Are you okay? I love you!"; just yelling and crying about how our mom won't let her leave the kids at her house for the 5 night in a row.
Really need some advice that isn't from family. I'm open to being wrong, but please be nice to me. Thank you in advance!
2024.05.15 02:32 shaneka69 Get A Tarot Reading Today! ALL READINGS SENT SAME DAY THEY ARE BOOKED
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submitted by shaneka69 to mytarotreadings [link] [comments]
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2024.05.15 02:30 Koji_Shin86 [US][SELLING] huge clearance, $5 manga, novels, figures, tapestries and desk mats
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IMPORTANT All the figures are opened but they have NEVER been displayed, they were only opened to make sure there was no shipping damage. Feel free to ask for more pics
Shipping is NOT included in any price
Figures: https://imgur.com/a/0fyWcBB
submitted by Koji_Shin86 to mangaswap [link] [comments]
IMPORTANT All the figures are opened but they have NEVER been displayed, they were only opened to make sure there was no shipping damage. Feel free to ask for more pics
Shipping is NOT included in any price
Figures: https://imgur.com/a/0fyWcBB
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2024.05.15 02:30 zhoq Don Quixote - Volume 2, Chapter 5
Of the wise and pleasant dialogue which passed between Sancho Panza and his wife Teresa Panza, together with other incidents worthy of communication.
Prompts:
1) What is this business with the translator reckoning this chapter to be apocryphal? Do you think Sancho now talks like this, or indeed something is wrong with the telling?
2) In Part I we had moments where Sancho was profoundly sad and moments where he wanted to leave Don Quixote and return home. What do you think has changed in him that he is now eager to go on another sally?
3) What did you think of the discourse between Sancho and his wife? What are your impressions of her and his family?
4) Teresa wants to stay in her lane, Sancho aspires for greatness. What do you make of this debate? What do you think of Sanchoās argument that people judge you based on who you are now, not your past?
5) Favourite line / anything else to add?
Free Reading Resources:
Illustrations:
Past years discussions:
Final line:
Fri, 17 May; in two days, i.e. one-day gap.
submitted by zhoq to yearofdonquixote [link] [comments]
Prompts:
1) What is this business with the translator reckoning this chapter to be apocryphal? Do you think Sancho now talks like this, or indeed something is wrong with the telling?
2) In Part I we had moments where Sancho was profoundly sad and moments where he wanted to leave Don Quixote and return home. What do you think has changed in him that he is now eager to go on another sally?
3) What did you think of the discourse between Sancho and his wife? What are your impressions of her and his family?
4) Teresa wants to stay in her lane, Sancho aspires for greatness. What do you make of this debate? What do you think of Sanchoās argument that people judge you based on who you are now, not your past?
5) Favourite line / anything else to add?
Free Reading Resources:
Illustrations:
- Sancho came home so gay, so merry
- Get the pack-saddle in order
- Sanchoās children
- See myself a governor of an island
- Measure yourself by your condition, Sancho
- You will then see how people will call you Donna Teresa Panza, and you will sit in the church with velvet cushions
- No, I would not have people, when they see me decked out like a countess or governess, immediately say: āLook how stately madam hog-feeder moves!ā
- Sancho and Teresa arguing
- Thereupon she began to weep -
- - as bitterly as if she already saw Sanchica dead and buried
- Sancho comforting Teresa
Past years discussions:
Final line:
Thus ended their dialogue, and Sancho went back to visit Don Quixote and put things in order for their departure.Next post:
Fri, 17 May; in two days, i.e. one-day gap.
2024.05.15 02:28 AJaxe1313 š Unlock Your Dating Potential with Our Expert Dating Coach! š
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submitted by AJaxe1313 to MenDatingStrategy [link] [comments]
With years of expertise in dating and relationships, our coach offers personalized advice sessions tailored to your needs. Whether you're struggling with crafting the perfect online dating profile, decoding those cryptic text messages, or planning the ultimate date night, we've got you covered.
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2024.05.15 02:21 Maximum-Trade-580 Learn How Everyday People Make $ Online
What's up everybody! Earlier this year I launched Unlimited Hustles ā your free source for engaging stories about people just like making money online.
If you get a chance, check it out. And if you'd like to share your story, letās connect!
submitted by Maximum-Trade-580 to Entrepreneur [link] [comments]
If you get a chance, check it out. And if you'd like to share your story, letās connect!
2024.05.15 02:20 TheNewJay Please help me figure out how to actually play 4K video files!
Okay, so, I fear that this is a stupid question, but, why does it seem so difficult to just, you know, play 4K video files?
A bit about my set up. I have a nice TV (LG CX OLED), and I also use this TV as a computer monitor, hooked up to a not-as-nice Windows PC. IF it matters, I have a GeForce GTX 1060 6GB. To play media files, I generally use VLC, and feel it is great. I also have a PS5 if that helps.
The problem I often encounter, though, is that VLC, as amazing as it is for most applications, does not take kindly to playing 4K media. I have went tough a bunch of those troubleshooting guides online, where you fiddle with arcane settings under VLC's hood. Nothing works--4K video will play for maybe a few seconds and then it will freeze on a certain frame while the sound continues to play. And that's the best case scenario--sometimes it'll just crash. Another issue is that turning on hardware acceleration on VLC also makes it function much worse for other media--I get a strange glitch even on 1080p files where often when pausing a video and then resuming it, the video will freeze on a particular frame as the sound continues. It is very annoying and it means closing the program and then re-opening the video file pretty much every second time I need to pause a video.
I want to be able to utilize my beautiful TV to the fullest extent that it is capable of, but I keep getting stuck with trying new settings for VLC and getting frustrated, or trying new programs that also don't play the files properly. Ideally, I could configure VLC such that it will play media of all resolutions without annoying glitches, but, at this point I would settle for either a different program or a different kind of solution altogether.
Using the tools at my disposal, how can I get 4K media files to play? It doesn't have to be off of my computer, I could get used to playing things off of my PS5 or even my TV, if that would work (I've never used the USB drive and I don't know what it's capable of in that respect). If there's some obvious solution I'm overlooking, feel free to point it out.
submitted by TheNewJay to hometheater [link] [comments]
A bit about my set up. I have a nice TV (LG CX OLED), and I also use this TV as a computer monitor, hooked up to a not-as-nice Windows PC. IF it matters, I have a GeForce GTX 1060 6GB. To play media files, I generally use VLC, and feel it is great. I also have a PS5 if that helps.
The problem I often encounter, though, is that VLC, as amazing as it is for most applications, does not take kindly to playing 4K media. I have went tough a bunch of those troubleshooting guides online, where you fiddle with arcane settings under VLC's hood. Nothing works--4K video will play for maybe a few seconds and then it will freeze on a certain frame while the sound continues to play. And that's the best case scenario--sometimes it'll just crash. Another issue is that turning on hardware acceleration on VLC also makes it function much worse for other media--I get a strange glitch even on 1080p files where often when pausing a video and then resuming it, the video will freeze on a particular frame as the sound continues. It is very annoying and it means closing the program and then re-opening the video file pretty much every second time I need to pause a video.
I want to be able to utilize my beautiful TV to the fullest extent that it is capable of, but I keep getting stuck with trying new settings for VLC and getting frustrated, or trying new programs that also don't play the files properly. Ideally, I could configure VLC such that it will play media of all resolutions without annoying glitches, but, at this point I would settle for either a different program or a different kind of solution altogether.
Using the tools at my disposal, how can I get 4K media files to play? It doesn't have to be off of my computer, I could get used to playing things off of my PS5 or even my TV, if that would work (I've never used the USB drive and I don't know what it's capable of in that respect). If there's some obvious solution I'm overlooking, feel free to point it out.
2024.05.15 02:19 Maximum-Trade-580 Learn How People Just Like You Make $ Online
What's up everybody! Earlier this year I launched Unlimited Hustles ā your free source for engaging stories about people just like making money online.
If you get a chance, check it out. And if you'd like to share your story, letās connect!
submitted by Maximum-Trade-580 to EntrepreneurRideAlong [link] [comments]
If you get a chance, check it out. And if you'd like to share your story, letās connect!
2024.05.15 02:18 craigwings Is it possible to have a check be deposited into 2 separate accounts
Long story short, I co-signed a mortgage with my sister 2 years ago on a house and are in the process of selling it. Closing date is in a little less than a month. Things have gotten bad ever since her boyfriend moved in about a year ago to the point where I felt the need to get out for my own sake, it has been a toxic environment and he has gotten fired from 4 jobs in less than a year span and has been living practically rent free and not holding his weight. Once the sale is all said in done with, the check should be in mine and hers name, I was curious if itās possible once that check comes through I can deposit x amount in my account and y would go in hers. I do not trust that if she deposits it in hers that I will see the money that I was promised they have been very shady and have screwed me over already by letting the mortgage be 2 months late and my credit took a beating because of it because she would ātake care of the billsā.
submitted by craigwings to personalfinance [link] [comments]
2024.05.15 02:15 cheinyeanlim OpenAI Releases GPT-4o: Text, Vision, Audio In a Single Record-Breaking Model and Desktop App
 | OpenAI just demonstrated the capabilities of their newest flagship model GPT-4o, available through a new updated UI, and also through the API. submitted by cheinyeanlim to martechnewser [link] [comments] GPT-4o - the o stands for "Omnimodel" - is a conversational model that improves on its capabilities over text, audio and vision. Unlike previous approaches combining Intelligence, Text-to-Speech and Audio model, this new model reasons across voice, text and vision. Stay ahead of the curve with the latest trends in tech and marketing ā join our subreddit community martechnewser today for instant notifications! OpenAI Releases GPT-4o: Text, Vision, Audio In a Single Record-Breaking Model and Desktop App This makes GPT-4o way faster, but also more conversational and natural. It can understand the context and the tone of the conversation, and can answer using a variety of tones as well. It can also be interrupted, which improves the experience and makes it all the more natural. GPT-4o can be combined with: real-time vision (images and videos), memory, GPTs, browse, and advanced data analysis. More importantly, GPT-4o is:
For example, during the live demonstration, GPT-4o assisted someone in solving a linear equation step-by-step while they filmed themselves working on the paper. OpenAI also rolled out the desktop version of ChatGPT, and an improved Web UI to make the user experience even more seamless. Lastly, OpenAI also shared their continuous work regarding the Safety of their models, and highlighted the new challenges that real-time audio and vision bring. https://preview.redd.it/t5dn4shfgh0d1.png?width=1300&format=png&auto=webp&s=1327500a1cb1ce1b7aa4c737331bb02ac3b3be51 The evaluation of GPT-4o, the latest model from OpenAI, shows significant advancements across multiple metrics: MMLU Benchmark:
GPT4-o will roll out today for all ChatGPT users through the Web UI, even for free tier users. It is also be available through the API, and the playground. Why it Matters The intelligence of AI models depends not only on their reasoning capabilities but also on their ability to understand context and tone emotionally. New user experiences that enable more natural conversationsāin terms of speed, emotional and contextual intelligence, and support for real-time informationāare a significant step toward achieving Artificial General Intelligence. This development is especially noteworthy as rumors circulate about a potential deal between Apple and OpenAI. The next version of Siri might be powered by OpenAI. The intelligence of AI models depends not only on their reasoning capabilities but also on their ability to understand context and tone emotionally. New user experiences that enable more natural conversationsāin terms of speed, emotional and contextual intelligence, and support for real-time informationāare a significant step toward achieving Artificial General Intelligence. This development is especially noteworthy as rumors circulate about a potential deal between Apple and OpenAI. The next version of Siri might be powered by OpenAI. |
2024.05.15 02:11 letitdry86 37 [M4F] Massachusetts/ANYWHERE -My player 2? My Co-op
I'm 37 from Massachusetts, I'm looking for someone who shares the same interests as me start things slowly and see where this road will take us. I don't like to force things nor do I have expectations I would like to find my player 2 but, I am more than comfortable with just having new friend's. Distances doesn't matter as long as the end game is to see each other.
I am looking for someone who has some of the same Interest as me. I am an avid gamer. I play all kinds of game's sandbox, rpg, platformer, mmorpg's WoW, FFXIV, New world, Diablo. Shooter's, battle royals, etc. Titles like 7 days to die, Valheim, the forest, Resident evil, Battlefield, dying light, the Witcher 3, kingdom hearts, uncharted, the last of us, Final Fantasy etc. I am currently hooked on survival games would be cool to have someone to play them with or any Co-Op games in general.
I listen to music a lot. I listen to almost every thing minus country and pop. There are a few songs from those genres that I think are pretty good, but overall I don't really listen to them. I mainly listen to rock, metal, indie, emo, punk and subgenres of rock. I am also very big with EDM, not dubstep, not a fan of it. More into house, Trance and Vocal trance mainly artist like Tiesto, Dash Berlin, Axwell, Alesso, to name a few. If you like trance then I promise I will love you forever!!
I am also a big movie junkie. I am up to watching almost anything. I enjoy a lot of action movies and comedies. I am a big fan of old school action movies. Die hard, Terminator, Predator, Lethal weapon, Rocky, Rambo and etc. I am also into Star Wars and Lord of the ring's I also enjoy all DC and MARVEL.
I enjoy reading manga and watching anime but I am really behind on that. I've been very busy with work and when I'm not occupied with work I would usually chill and watch a show or game. I am a huge bleach fan and currently really enjoying demon slayer and my hero academia.
My DM's are open feel free to reach out to me. I prefer voice chatting, texting is just as fine. I have discord if you prefer to use that.
submitted by letitdry86 to ForeverAloneDating [link] [comments]
I am looking for someone who has some of the same Interest as me. I am an avid gamer. I play all kinds of game's sandbox, rpg, platformer, mmorpg's WoW, FFXIV, New world, Diablo. Shooter's, battle royals, etc. Titles like 7 days to die, Valheim, the forest, Resident evil, Battlefield, dying light, the Witcher 3, kingdom hearts, uncharted, the last of us, Final Fantasy etc. I am currently hooked on survival games would be cool to have someone to play them with or any Co-Op games in general.
I listen to music a lot. I listen to almost every thing minus country and pop. There are a few songs from those genres that I think are pretty good, but overall I don't really listen to them. I mainly listen to rock, metal, indie, emo, punk and subgenres of rock. I am also very big with EDM, not dubstep, not a fan of it. More into house, Trance and Vocal trance mainly artist like Tiesto, Dash Berlin, Axwell, Alesso, to name a few. If you like trance then I promise I will love you forever!!
I am also a big movie junkie. I am up to watching almost anything. I enjoy a lot of action movies and comedies. I am a big fan of old school action movies. Die hard, Terminator, Predator, Lethal weapon, Rocky, Rambo and etc. I am also into Star Wars and Lord of the ring's I also enjoy all DC and MARVEL.
I enjoy reading manga and watching anime but I am really behind on that. I've been very busy with work and when I'm not occupied with work I would usually chill and watch a show or game. I am a huge bleach fan and currently really enjoying demon slayer and my hero academia.
My DM's are open feel free to reach out to me. I prefer voice chatting, texting is just as fine. I have discord if you prefer to use that.
2024.05.15 02:09 fellasiffyuh took 0 ap classes as fresh man and sophomore... will I have any chance... to make it
I took 0 fresman and sophomore year because I didn't want to mess up unweighted 4.0... I used to be rank 5 I'm class in freshman year now I'm 11 (out of 150). I still have the 4.0 unweighted 4.7 weighed... i have taken extra classes online (2... 1 other in summer) one dual enrollment last semeter and 1 in summer (now) but NO AP . everyone else doing it. Others take multiple ap and dual enrollment and honor classes and I'm just a bum. Next year I signed up for no ap too... I will have 'hard' classes like calculus and physics (teachers don't even teach) but I will be a bum who took no ap class, will graduate late (others get to go early) and on top of thwt I have no friends. I feel so useless and like a bum I just want to vanish ... my teachers tell me to take the clasees/exam (history teacher) but I know I would fail and I am lazy I don't want to do the work and I'm scared... I make the excuse that I use the free time to work on 'hobbies' like self studying, (I had to read 700 page chemistry textbook alone because TEACHER SUCKS!!!), sat/math studying (trying to learn about calculus) or music or video editing or 3d model or trying to learn coding vut I barely do any of it and I suck at it all
What should I do. .. I have extracurricular like a sport and volunteer but I don't think I will get into anywhere... all my peers hate me and I'm an academic failure. Please help me
submitted by fellasiffyuh to college [link] [comments]
What should I do. .. I have extracurricular like a sport and volunteer but I don't think I will get into anywhere... all my peers hate me and I'm an academic failure. Please help me
2024.05.15 02:05 Dependent_Big4372 Help me shapennning my studies
So guys, I started learning italian a few weeks ago, and I made a plan to study it. I want you to tell me what you think about it please.
I am a total beginner so I will start like that:
fist, I'll pick up some simple audios that use a lot of simple grammar concepts, I found this website that has some explanations about the grammar and it has some audios to practice it too:
https://onlineitalianclub.com/index-of-free-italian-exercises-and-grammar-lessons/
I'm starting with the lessons about articles: https://onlineitalianclub.com/learn-italian-with-free-online-italian-lessons-01-articles/
I'll be watching some cartoons or youtube vĆdeos like Spongebob and Dora the explorer, or thefablecottage.com to get used to the common use of the language
All the new phrases that I'm learning are going to my anki cards so I can review them effectively
That's all that I have to learn now, and I want to learn with free content only, because I can't invest much money on it right now.
So please, give me a feedback about my ideas on it
submitted by Dependent_Big4372 to LearningItalian [link] [comments]
I am a total beginner so I will start like that:
fist, I'll pick up some simple audios that use a lot of simple grammar concepts, I found this website that has some explanations about the grammar and it has some audios to practice it too:
https://onlineitalianclub.com/index-of-free-italian-exercises-and-grammar-lessons/
I'm starting with the lessons about articles: https://onlineitalianclub.com/learn-italian-with-free-online-italian-lessons-01-articles/
I'll be watching some cartoons or youtube vĆdeos like Spongebob and Dora the explorer, or thefablecottage.com to get used to the common use of the language
All the new phrases that I'm learning are going to my anki cards so I can review them effectively
That's all that I have to learn now, and I want to learn with free content only, because I can't invest much money on it right now.
So please, give me a feedback about my ideas on it
2024.05.15 02:05 Brief_Mycologist1225 Unveiling the Powerhouse: HP LaserJet Printers for Peak Performance in Egypt
Hardware Egypt proudly presents the pinnacle of printing technology - the HP LaserJet Printer series. Renowned for their exceptional speed, crisp quality, and unmatched reliability, HP LaserJet printers are the perfect companions for businesses and individuals in Egypt seeking to elevate their printing game.
This comprehensive guide delves into the world of HP LaserJet printers, exploring their benefits, functionalities, and how they can empower your productivity in the bustling Egyptian market.
Why Choose HP LaserJet Printers?
Uncompromising Speed: Time is money, and HP LaserJet printers understand that. They boast lightning-fast printing speeds, churning out documents in mere seconds. This allows you to focus on what matters most ā your core business or creative pursuits.
Professional-Grade Quality: Every impression counts. HP LaserJet printers utilize laser technology to deliver razor-sharp text and vivid graphics. Your presentations, reports, and marketing materials will leave a lasting impact with their polished and professional look.
Durability You Can Trust: Invest in a printer that lasts. HP LaserJet printers are built with robust materials and engineered to withstand the demands of high-volume printing. They are a reliable partner for businesses with heavy printing needs.
Cost-Effective Efficiency: HP LaserJet printers offer exceptional toner cartridge yield, minimizing your printing expenses. The high first-page-out time ensures less waiting and more printing, maximizing your efficiency.
Security Features: In today's digital world, data security is paramount. HP LaserJet printers come equipped with advanced security features to safeguard your confidential information, giving you peace of mind.
Finding the Perfect HP LaserJet Printer for You
HP offers a diverse range of LaserJet printers catering to various needs and budgets. Here's a glimpse into some of the popular options available at Hardware Egypt:
HP LaserJet Pro Series: Ideal for small and medium-sized businesses, these printers offer exceptional speed, quality, and security features. They come in both monochrome and color variations, allowing you to choose based on your specific printing requirements.
HP LaserJet Enterprise Series: Designed for high-volume printing environments, these powerful workhorses deliver unmatched performance and reliability. They boast advanced features like automatic duplex printing, mobile printing capabilities, and robust security protocols, making them perfect for large organizations.
HP LaserJet MFP Series: These multifunction printers combine the power of printing, scanning, copying, and faxing into a single, space-saving device. Perfect for home offices and small businesses, they offer a convenient and cost-effective solution for all your document needs.
Investing in Your Success with Hardware Egypt
At Hardware Egypt, we understand the importance of having the right tools for the job. Our expert staff is dedicated to helping you find the perfect HP LaserJet printer that seamlessly integrates into your workflow. We offer competitive prices, exceptional customer service, and comprehensive after-sales support to ensure your printing experience is smooth and hassle-free.
Elevate Your Printing Experience Today
Don't settle for mediocre printing. Embrace the power and efficiency of HP LaserJet printers. Visit Hardware Egypt today and explore our extensive selection. Our team is here to guide you towards the perfect printer that propels your productivity and success in the dynamic Egyptian market.
Additionally, Hardware Egypt offers:
Genuine HP Toner Cartridges: Ensure optimal performance and protect your printer with genuine HP toner cartridges. We offer a wide range of cartridges compatible with all HP LaserJet models.
Extended Warranties: Invest in peace of mind with extended warranties for your HP LaserJet printer. We offer various warranty options to fit your needs and budget.
Expert Technical Support: Our team of qualified technicians is available to assist you with any technical issues you may encounter with your HP LaserJet printer.
Step into Hardware Egypt today and unlock the potential of HP LaserJet printers. Let's revolutionize your printing experience!
submitted by Brief_Mycologist1225 to u/Brief_Mycologist1225 [link] [comments]
This comprehensive guide delves into the world of HP LaserJet printers, exploring their benefits, functionalities, and how they can empower your productivity in the bustling Egyptian market.
Why Choose HP LaserJet Printers?
Uncompromising Speed: Time is money, and HP LaserJet printers understand that. They boast lightning-fast printing speeds, churning out documents in mere seconds. This allows you to focus on what matters most ā your core business or creative pursuits.
Professional-Grade Quality: Every impression counts. HP LaserJet printers utilize laser technology to deliver razor-sharp text and vivid graphics. Your presentations, reports, and marketing materials will leave a lasting impact with their polished and professional look.
Durability You Can Trust: Invest in a printer that lasts. HP LaserJet printers are built with robust materials and engineered to withstand the demands of high-volume printing. They are a reliable partner for businesses with heavy printing needs.
Cost-Effective Efficiency: HP LaserJet printers offer exceptional toner cartridge yield, minimizing your printing expenses. The high first-page-out time ensures less waiting and more printing, maximizing your efficiency.
Security Features: In today's digital world, data security is paramount. HP LaserJet printers come equipped with advanced security features to safeguard your confidential information, giving you peace of mind.
Finding the Perfect HP LaserJet Printer for You
HP offers a diverse range of LaserJet printers catering to various needs and budgets. Here's a glimpse into some of the popular options available at Hardware Egypt:
HP LaserJet Pro Series: Ideal for small and medium-sized businesses, these printers offer exceptional speed, quality, and security features. They come in both monochrome and color variations, allowing you to choose based on your specific printing requirements.
HP LaserJet Enterprise Series: Designed for high-volume printing environments, these powerful workhorses deliver unmatched performance and reliability. They boast advanced features like automatic duplex printing, mobile printing capabilities, and robust security protocols, making them perfect for large organizations.
HP LaserJet MFP Series: These multifunction printers combine the power of printing, scanning, copying, and faxing into a single, space-saving device. Perfect for home offices and small businesses, they offer a convenient and cost-effective solution for all your document needs.
Investing in Your Success with Hardware Egypt
At Hardware Egypt, we understand the importance of having the right tools for the job. Our expert staff is dedicated to helping you find the perfect HP LaserJet printer that seamlessly integrates into your workflow. We offer competitive prices, exceptional customer service, and comprehensive after-sales support to ensure your printing experience is smooth and hassle-free.
Elevate Your Printing Experience Today
Don't settle for mediocre printing. Embrace the power and efficiency of HP LaserJet printers. Visit Hardware Egypt today and explore our extensive selection. Our team is here to guide you towards the perfect printer that propels your productivity and success in the dynamic Egyptian market.
Additionally, Hardware Egypt offers:
Genuine HP Toner Cartridges: Ensure optimal performance and protect your printer with genuine HP toner cartridges. We offer a wide range of cartridges compatible with all HP LaserJet models.
Extended Warranties: Invest in peace of mind with extended warranties for your HP LaserJet printer. We offer various warranty options to fit your needs and budget.
Expert Technical Support: Our team of qualified technicians is available to assist you with any technical issues you may encounter with your HP LaserJet printer.
Step into Hardware Egypt today and unlock the potential of HP LaserJet printers. Let's revolutionize your printing experience!
2024.05.15 02:05 RadioEditVersion Update on my first visit to the dentist after 15 years of no cleaning
I went to my second cleaning yesterday and got the other half of my mouth done. I am so glad I did, because the hygienist found a cavity my dentist missed. Immediately after my cleaning I got two cavities filled that in the past I would of ignored. After getting 4 root canals in the past, and two crowns recently... Let me tell you, filling cavities is way easier than the former.
After getting home, my teeth are stunningly different. Stains have been lifted, and It's even easier to floss now that all the build up is gone. My hygienist gave me two tools for helping with gum disease, inflammation, recession, as well as proper toothpaste for my teeth issues. She even suggested getting a water pik for when I don't feel like flossing, so I got one. It takes me only one minute to blast water between all my teeth (omg so much blood the first time I used it). I actually love the sensation of the water pik
Now I keep floss next to my couch and I floss my teeth with watching TV at night. After flossing, I am finding I feel like brushing my teeth afterwards. Once I'm brushing my teeth, I figure "I am already here, might as well spend an extra minute using my gum tools"
I think it was spending all my savings on crowns, cleaning, and cavities has triggered something in me to be motivated with mouth hygiene. The feeling of a fully cleaned mouth... Is intoxicating. Kind of like once you've dried off from showering.
I'm posting this in the hopes of inspires someone to take that terrifying step of booking a dental visit. I was in agonizing pain when I made the appointment, and I hope to help someone avoid that. Some tips that helped make the first steps easier. If you have benzos, take them. If you don't, maybe call your doctor or psych and explain the situation. Maybe you can get benzos for the visit. Look up the closest dentists to you, make the trip to the dentist as easy as possible. Read reviewson Google. You can look for key terms like anxiety and nice/friendly/caring help. Book online to avoid the fear of talking on the phone. I had to fill out an intake form so it gave me the chance to explain my health beforehand, and to let them know I have an anxiety condition. I took all these steps and it helped me reduce the fear. Once I got there, everyone was extremely friendly, and not once did I feel shame when the dentist spoke to me. He just plainly explained what he saw, and what needs to be done, but made sure I was free to decide how I wanted to proceed. If you don't like your initial visit, just go see another dentist. The office can forward along your information to another friendlier dentist.
I hope this helps, Stay well
submitted by RadioEditVersion to bipolar2 [link] [comments]
After getting home, my teeth are stunningly different. Stains have been lifted, and It's even easier to floss now that all the build up is gone. My hygienist gave me two tools for helping with gum disease, inflammation, recession, as well as proper toothpaste for my teeth issues. She even suggested getting a water pik for when I don't feel like flossing, so I got one. It takes me only one minute to blast water between all my teeth (omg so much blood the first time I used it). I actually love the sensation of the water pik
Now I keep floss next to my couch and I floss my teeth with watching TV at night. After flossing, I am finding I feel like brushing my teeth afterwards. Once I'm brushing my teeth, I figure "I am already here, might as well spend an extra minute using my gum tools"
I think it was spending all my savings on crowns, cleaning, and cavities has triggered something in me to be motivated with mouth hygiene. The feeling of a fully cleaned mouth... Is intoxicating. Kind of like once you've dried off from showering.
I'm posting this in the hopes of inspires someone to take that terrifying step of booking a dental visit. I was in agonizing pain when I made the appointment, and I hope to help someone avoid that. Some tips that helped make the first steps easier. If you have benzos, take them. If you don't, maybe call your doctor or psych and explain the situation. Maybe you can get benzos for the visit. Look up the closest dentists to you, make the trip to the dentist as easy as possible. Read reviewson Google. You can look for key terms like anxiety and nice/friendly/caring help. Book online to avoid the fear of talking on the phone. I had to fill out an intake form so it gave me the chance to explain my health beforehand, and to let them know I have an anxiety condition. I took all these steps and it helped me reduce the fear. Once I got there, everyone was extremely friendly, and not once did I feel shame when the dentist spoke to me. He just plainly explained what he saw, and what needs to be done, but made sure I was free to decide how I wanted to proceed. If you don't like your initial visit, just go see another dentist. The office can forward along your information to another friendlier dentist.
I hope this helps, Stay well
2024.05.15 02:02 DoobyDoobyDoooooooo Global warming + Senator Mike Braun = ???
 | Hoosiers, if you care about global warming I have a story you might appreciate. submitted by DoobyDoobyDoooooooo to Indiana [link] [comments] I've been a web developer since 1999 (Python, JavaScript, etc.). Around 2019 I took a break to focus on climate change. I spent the first year interviewing 300+ Hoosiers working on environmental issues. Then, out of that research, I founded a nonprofit called Carbon Neutral Indiana ( https://carbonneutralindiana.org/ ). It took a few years, but I was able to grow the largest email list of climate concerned Hoosiers (8,000+ people). I also built a base of 500 recurring donors, many across the political spectrum. We also support climate solutions journalism at Purdue: https://carbonneutralindiana.org/experiments/student-climate-journalism/ We have a lot of summer interns: https://carbonneutralindiana.org/experiments/leadership-development/ And hosted the largest party of its kind in Indiana history: https://carbonneutralindiana.org/hoosier-climate-party/ One experience was most interesting though. I wrote a book profiling 60 success stories of Hoosiers reducing carbon emissions: https://carbonneutralindiana.org/book/ It includes a directory of organizations that can help you get started working on climate in Indiana as well as a list of important bills citizens should know about. https://preview.redd.it/qral6y9ddh0d1.jpg?width=1024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=21e338ec1bc9b2eaf5614b6f61f8b06d46a41b96 Then I raised about $30,000 to mail free copies to 2,500 Hoosier leaders -- like University Presidents, IBJ 40 under 40 winners, CEOs, journalists, etc. Of those, 500 were elected officials -- people like county commissioners, Mayors, state and federal representatives and senators, etc. Guess how many of those 500 responded? Two! Guess who they were? One was a Democratic Mayor from Bloomington. The other was Senator Mike Braun, who is proud of Trump's endorsement. He called my phone to say he read the book and invited me to his home for a 90 minute conversation about it. We've had perhaps 6-7 conversations in total about global warming and cost effective ways to reduce carbon emissions. Think about that. Out of 500 elected officials... and some of whom talk a lot about climate... only two responded(!!!). While the nonprofit I started is nonpartisan, I wanted to share this story. A lot of Hoosiers (I've talked with thousands on the phone) don't realize Braun co-founded the bipartisan climate caucus in the Senate: https://www.coons.senate.gov/climate-solutions-caucus/members Or that he cares so much about this issue. (He conserves tons of forests and, when we walked through one of them once, he pointed them out by their latin names.) Like I said, I used to be a web developer. I got really into climate change, wondered what I could do as an individual, and dove in head first -- using my family's savings to build a successful grassroots nonprofit. I've learned so much, and changed my opinion on things I thought I used to know, but that's a tale for another day. Have you ever gone all in on something that many other people just talk about? Did you change your mind (and possibly entire paradigm) as a result? What was it? What did you learn? |