MAIORES. IV, CAL. IUNI. FORTUNA PRIMIGENIA.

This subject follows along from the general conclusion of infantilism, i.e. if we agree that infantilism exists in a culture that therefore all aspects of (such a culture) must be examined as to how they are impacted ‘by’ that infantilism, as: infantilism constitutes an undeveloped form of a thing; here (without covering absolutely every single aspect of it, as this could be a book in and of itself) we explore ‘sexual immaturity’ and its promulgation and consequences (of which we could easily make the case of the consequences as to be the cause of ‘all social ill’).
In an anthropological view; as if like we are looking at a chimpanzee colony, both procreation and familial-tribal child-raising takes place in our contemporary Western societies in a very clumsy sort of way; with the latter (i.e. the actual raising of children) not occurring at all, with the consequence of ‘arrested development’ – and usually we would recognize and name this, if we ever thought very deeply about it:
However, the notion that all of this could be reduced to and fathomed as ‘sexual immaturity’ is an interesting (and unexplored) avenue to approach these matters from; certainly the act of actual procreation is deliberately accidental (I mean here in the contemporary West) in that a Woman does “not seek a mate” and then become pregnant, i.e. she does not even the sexual act to be procreative, rather: she accidentally becomes pregnant (“it was a miracle”), having beforehand and all throughout the duration and beyond it a culture which is far detached from the physical reality of things and thus a new human is created with no forethought for its care or provision and no security net in place to provide for it and ensure its prosperity and intelligent up-bringing, and increasingly there are fewer and fewer intelligent older persons around who are capable of providing the education and care for that child as would naturally exist in the large familial-tribal unit of an extended family where, historically, we all came from and of which is still the norm across much of the world, (i.e. village elders who would otherwise raise the children up to be intelligent even if the Mother herself is too young to be a real parent - if we imagine as the species norm would be that most Women historically had their first child at around the age of fourteen or fifteen). Without, then, that familial-tribal unit to instruct and care for the child’s intellectual development and without either land to make a living from to provide tis economic development then we find a cursed life, that is: a life far more difficult than it otherwise ought be had it been born in a more wisely chosen environment.
My point here is that ‘procreation’ is considered almost never at all by our society as being the most basic step in the creation and promulgation ‘of’ a tribal unit; with procreation itself being left down to blind chance and more often either legitimately accidentally or feigned accidently so as to attempt to cement a relationship (see: divorce and break-up rates in the West), either way this is the material circumstance into which children are born.
To say, then, that not grasping this reality ‘is’ itself a product of sexual immaturity; i.e. a Woman who does not understand what a new human is, seems to me to be far more of an accurate view of the thing than to declare it as ‘sexual immorality’ as it is usually insisted by the Abramic types, as: rather obviously it is ‘Sexual Immaturity’ rather than ‘Sexual Immorality’ that is the really cause of (the above scenario), that is: it is not Men and Women knowing too much about sex but of Men and Women knowing virtually nothing at all and therefore absent of a practice and familiarity necessary for Sexual Maturity, with Sexual Maturity itself being the very thing declared to be Immorality - an irreconcilable paradox.
It seems to me, then, that the habits we observe of ‘accidental pregnancy’ are the natural occurrence in such an unnatural society; that is: a consequence of misplaced moralism over the vital mechanical sexual functions of the human body (a thing which may well dominate and drive our unconsciousness entirely) have been rendered so alien to our expression and consideration but of which are so incessant and irrepressible; that sexual release is habitually denied, I mean here societally (i.e. “it is not polite”), and only finds ‘permission’ to appear in extreme drunkenness in fits of frenzy, and so on, so that when procreation actually occurs it is sporadic and neither at that moment nor before it was the adult rational mind involved – again, this is plainly a consequence of ‘sexual immaturity’ ‘before’ it could ever be said to be a consequence of ‘sexual immorality’.
It’s worth considering, of our own society in contemporary times, how far removed we are from most of the world which practices arrange marriages in one form or another (i.e. whether we are speaking of large tribal units or smaller family units) and what the consequence of this is on our own communities being absent of that; that is: the most fertile years of our lives are not spent having gotten procreation out of the way by having five or six children by the age of twenty or nineteen (so that when the child is fifteen you might be thirty, which seems to be the age where the sexual drive begins to dissipate or has anyway lost its novelty), and instead (i.e. without of being match-made far earlier in life) procreation instead occurs – if it does at all – accidentally and well-past the most fertile and healthy years, with such children being often quite sickly and the strain on the body being significantly more risky to the Mother (haphazardly enabled only then by massive external resources which would not have been required at all beforehand). I do not mean to seem as if I am advocating “having five or six children by the age of twenty or nineteen” only that in our natural environment this has always been the way of the thing due to natural sexual exploration when we are at that age.
At the same time, at the beginning and at the end of this “waste of time” (as I would say) of those most fertile years in which our sexuality is forbidden to us; that culture which we examine here as being simply Sexual Immaturity, it has been the case that that “Immaturity” persists well into later life by those afflicted adults who were forbidden to practise their natural sexuality when they were at the age where they wanted to, that is that the culture and mentality of such persons subjected to such restrictions quite demonstrably can be shown to have regressed them to the point that, as then as adults, they dress as children, speak and think as children, shun adult responsibility and seem altogether to have matured intellectually no further than the age of twelve or thirteen years, despite physiologically and neurologically having surpassed far beyond that early almost larval-like stage of our development where the body and mind are both only partially formed.
Instead it has been the “dragging-out” of that childlike insensibility, again: to no useful outcome, which has by that point in time essentially mitigated most of their procreative potentiality in that 1) physically having children is then far more difficult for them, and 2) they are now twenty-five years behind where their familial-tribal unit might otherwise have been, i.e. they do not have five or six twenty year old children bringing in incomes to the Household (to purchase a Household in the first place if they did not possess one before) or working the land (or likewise to purchase land) so that their prosperity will not have developed beyond mere subsistence off of the external labour market so as to escape the poverty and dependency traps inherent in the cities – which nominally constitutes their entire existence ‘to’ escape such miseries. All in all it is a lot of hard work by that point and I could not help but notice, of my own generation and those slightly older, how this outcome would have been entirely altered and set on a more prosperous trajectory if, say, at the age of sixteen a couple had been put together and had a few children, as: by the age of twenty the best seeds would have been sewn and they would not have to even think about “having children” ever again which is itself a thing, I observe anyway, that is so daunting and bothersome later in life that it really is something better gotten out of the way as early as possible in the manner that we would have done quite naturally otherwise.
If the idea here is to build up that familial-tribal unit then this methodology serves the purpose in the most optimal manner; the adults are freed up and enjoy their liberties, the younger adults (i.e. the teenagers) are preoccupied quite happily fulfilling their single greatest biological urges to have sex as much as they like, and the population figures begin to climb up at a rate of replacement which is far superior, e.g. a thirty year old parent of a fifteen year old only has five years before that fifteen year becomes a physically matured adult ready to contribute to the unit, whereas by contrast a thirty year old parent of a five year old has a great longer time to wait for physical maturity so that the distance between the two age groups becomes fragile and thin the further it is stretched with a concurrent loss of replacement manpower by a space of ten additional years.
There is something to be said for the older more experienced Father, of course, I remember quite well that the children I grew up with whose Fathers were in their forties and fifties and whose Mothers were in their twenties or very early thirties were quite better-off in their disposition and intelligence (whilst those with older Mothers tended to be sickly in one way or another); simply put though I think it is more to do with the experience of age as the influencing factor than anything else and a functional familial-tribal unit would have this influence in far greater capacity.
If we add to this factor the notion of polygamy (something shunned as ‘pagan’ by the Abramic religions yet advocated for in their own holy books, indeed: it was the universal norm) then we find the whole circle being completed in that young teenagers do as they please with each other, becoming familiar with relationship and their sexuality, and then when they reach a more mature age they might marry each other or other people properly so as to begin families of their own; but that by that age they may well have produced several children already via multiple partners so that the actual ‘legitimate children’ (in the sense of inheriting land and titles) of a more formal marriage is superfluous to population replacement insofar as the tribe is concerned, as: they have already increased the headcount quite massively by comparison. It is worth mentioning here the legal problems of land inheritance and the seeming inability for people to ever work this all out amongst themselves as being one of the most desirable points of the introduction of some of the Abramic religions, when they first appeared, as rules were laid out of who could inherit (some rules more effective than others, some quite ruinous in fact) which provided a framework in perpetuity (but on the other hand, with all children being considered legitimate in some instances, i.e. the children of concubines, this produced the problem of “all children” being in competition for the single title or, in turn, a vast spread of land, i.e. a Kingdom, being broken apart “to make it all fair”: this did not differ in form from, say, Imperial China to the late Ottoman court whilst the European Monarchies to their credit, somewhat, temporarily solved the matter by the allocation of specific titles to be given to the first born, second born, third born, etc., and then bouncing back to the Monarch upon the death of that Duke to be allocated again – although some would say this is a feeble manner by which to govern large polities it differs not very much from the essential ‘oversight’ duties over local governments as practiced in the Roman Principate rather than direct-governorship over those provinces themselves).
The tribal influence in real terms upon children cannot be understated in its superior effects upon the character and long-term capacity of the children themselves (when compared to others); I have some experience in my own up-bringing with this and really the outcome (again: compared to the infantilism, i.e. arrested development, you will almost always find in the nuclear family type, which we might easily compare to factory farmed within four walls and a hen-pecking parental authority vs. free range) is a quite more matured and capable disposition (call it “street smarts” if you like; they follow what actually works rather than what is ‘pretended to them’ to work, which is typically nothing more than the parents own whimsical desires of the moment) amongst all the children when they are simply freed up from the poor influence of an unfit parent even without the good influence of a more fit parent of which, then, the fit parent itself could be determined to be largely superfluous, as: of their own accord they learn amongst themselves and become naturally fortified against being instructed into error by a witless or ill-inclined adult, whereas a child stuck under the thumb of a witless ‘parent’ has no means to disobey that witless parent without facing severe punishments and so there the child is sculpted into a helpless fool, later embittered in life and at the tender mercy of their peers, as: even as they might innately know-better (than to do the foolish thing their parent demands they do) they are forced nevertheless, either physically punished or emotionally coerced, into adopting the ‘silly walk’ and ‘dress’ of the witless parent, which is to say: they are forced into conforming toward the cultural idealism determined by the parent with no thought whatsoever for the practicalities of life, e.g. the matter of “how will my child earn a living” is addressed neither by parenting nor by schools thus begrudgingly selling themselves auction block of the labour market turns out to be the only method, whether they were deluded into thinking that their aspirations to be a professional athlete or an astronaut were entertained and encouraged for them at the expense of informing them about any other means of paying the rent or not.
I should say here that when I say “familial-tribal unit” I am broadly referring to any number of groupings, in whatsoever local forms they may take shape, but that the decisive factor, most chiefly, will be a large extended family network of which, if it ever needed to pool its resource together, would constitute a decent size force in land, resource production and manpower – but chiefly it is the possession of land which enables everything else:
More ideally, to my mind, it would resemble (or be very close in composition to) that Roman ‘Familia’ (the origin of the word ‘Family’ in our English) where a fairly large blood family of at least five generations inhabited in and around the same House or group of Houses (see: Palace, Villa and Manor Economy), with servants and adoptees and associates (business partners) likewise being considered as extended kin; altogether forming, as it were, a little nationality. In the sense of ‘Nationality’ it is, it ought be said, more a return to how we actually were prior to the ‘naming conventions’ of the 1700’s or so where the stupid surnames made up on the spot of many Europeans were forced into Law over what would have originally been clan and tribal identities and from which there came that fake sense of disparate ‘Nationality’ (i.e. cut off from tribe and forced into atomization; identity through a very small family unit alone) from which the misnomer of ‘Race’ would be made-up to lend credibility to. In many ways a great deal of the urbane ‘neurosis’, let’s call it, stems really from this absence of ‘true tribe’ with it having been eradicated either by the fecklessness of urban societies; societies of strangers and thieves, and also more directly via those religions which pretend to fill the void of ‘true tribe’ with their witless rituals and effete pretences – things which are a wet-blanket over true fellowship wrought in such a manner as comes in all reality perfectly naturally the moment the screws holding foolishness in place are undone and cast away – and really here, when we stack these observations together one upon the other, we are really speaking of a sound and strong society certainly immune to the shallow perversity created by denialism toward the basic mechanics of the human body – in addition to any other considerations which follow from that.

THE OVERALL INFLUENCE (OR LACK THEREOF) OF A TRIBAL-FAMILIAL UNIT

It must be considered quite seriously by the reader as to the overall influence, or lack thereof, of a tribal-familial unit as to what fills its place in the education of people otherwise and, as I began this text by considering for myself, how much of the ‘dysfunctionality’ can be attributed to the “lack thereof”.
Along with the cultural instance on sexual immaturity as to produce the consequence of delaying and drawing out for decades a fetish of normal sexuality which ought naturally be done with by a person after reaching the age, say, of maybe seventeen, there is the greater point which I am trying to relay here in this text of how many other aspects of ‘bad culture’ are singularly anchored to and thusly totally dependent upon that sexual immaturity – that is: we would be hard-pressed to imagine how really many of the pernicious scenarios in our contemporary society would even arise if that foundation stone of ‘sexual immaturity’ were removed from the equation:
For instance, how much of a ‘relationship’ is spent and sculpted (either by the Man or the Woman or both) on jealously and worry of the other ending the relationship for having found another person or another means to fulfil their sexual gratification? If a ‘relationship’ is based upon, let’s call this, “mutual masturbation” then at the heart of that is sexual immaturity of the mental age of maybe fourteen years whereupon a person has been sort of coaxed into dependency for orgasm on a third party; they are fraught and fearful that this should be taken away from them – it being so vital as like a mechanical necessity for either sex – that the entire content of their ‘relationship’ revolves around it; seeking it, coaxing it, demanding it, guarding it from be lost, and so on, of which I think it is not exaggeration to say that such concerns constitute 100% of the verbal interaction in such a ‘couple’; either outright or in the back of the mind so as to reinterpret all scenarios and verbal expressions as being related to that end-goal of maintaining the “mutual masturbation”.
Simply put this ‘relationship’, then, revolves around twenty minutes of sexual activity in a day – if that much (or even if every day), yet dominates the entirety of the mind; that is: the entirety of the ‘relationship’, when this action itself is something that a servant or a slave or a prostitute would be used for in many societies, with the ‘content’ of the marriage, say, being concerned more with running the business of a Household or concerned with procreation to produce legitimate children to inherit the business, the title, the land, whatever. My point here is that neither Man nor Woman are elevated or their dignity improved, somehow, by this absence of sexual maturity but rather that both are reduced; i.e. greatly lowered, to the cognitive and social standing of the “servant, slave, prostitute,” in that as far as they think of and conceptualize themselves as part of a Household at all it is singularly the concern with simple sexual acts which dominate their interpersonal interactions and their ideas about their own self; it is their ‘social currency’.
If this seems alien – I mean my observation on this – consider how much neurosis goes on in the daily grooming rituals of Women or those sad excuses for Men who “lift weights but cannot fight” (not to mention the ease at which a thin muscular physique bleeds out at the slightest of puncture wounds, see: Roman Gladiator training), i.e. whose only concern is that of admiring their own bodies in a mirror, this being intellectually identical to young Women. Is this not the mentally of a slave? If so, even if we shy away from saying it plainly, then we must ask “what forms the mentality of a slave (i.e. where does it come from)” – in the above equation a slave in a Household is more like an object fulfilling a function than He or She is a person with any autonomy (well, obviously there is no autonomy for a slave) so it is almost to be expected that in such an environment that the intellectual trajectory of an object-person goes away from externalities and becomes entirely absorbed with self-presentation and equates their social status from that, and if groups of such persons will set this to be the common culture; deriving status in that manner among themselves – although still these are slaves possessing no ‘status’ to speak of, as being object-people. This is evidenced also in victims of sexual abuse or those, in general, suffering at the hands of third parties whose autonomy is in some way or another restricted; that their singular focus becomes that of sexuality as like depression is “rage turned inward”, thus too it seems for sexual infantilism.
I cannot pass up this subject without mentioning a series of interviews describing, a thing quite novel to me, the notion of American Christian ‘Purity Culture’ from the point of view of those heavily indoctrinated into that; instilled with Catholic levels of guilt over the normal function of the body, who have then left their small churches or megachurches, or whatever, and spoken plainly about the mentality of those inside of it as relating to sexuality. It is a thing I think long suspected but seldom expressed that, as it was described, the mentality of such persons is that they are “horny all the time” due to the relentless guilt inculcated into them; that due to denialism of sexuality their ordinary sexual impulses are magnified to an incredible degree and that, consequentially, their entire being is animated by repressed sexuality so that their thoughts are ‘impure’ all the time whilst verbally they express strong denialism and shame over the thing. I think this is no real difference to any such religious malinstruction; be it Muslim, Jewish or Christian, in that the perpetual infantilism of their surrounding society stems first of all from their own bedrock religious culture (i.e. whatever religion which is at odds with the human body, etc.) were due to such ‘culture’ they never really get over, say, an early adolescent view of sexuality where they are driven entirely by it and never learn to overcome it, no pun intended, but utterly unrealized – which would take them leaving their religion – is that this process demonstrably brings out the absolute worst in their character and disposition with the process itself being the promulgation ‘of’ those very “Viceful thoughts ” that they claim to be “at War with in the world”, in other words: it is just they themselves who, for example, look at a young teenage girl (or god help us, a small boy) and thinks all manner of sexual rapacity – and that this animates them politically to campaign for restrictive legislation to be put into Law to police “all society” as if “all society” existed at their low level is an incredible thing to consider. But I do not think their broader societies are any exception to this, rather point here is that their broader societies are comprised of persons exactly like them; that the Christian or the Jew driven by a lifetimes shaming over their normal sexuality adopt, in turn, the most depraved expressions ‘of’ sexuality as a self-affirmation; that is: the extreme self-identification with a simple sexual action, for example, came to literally define a persons personality in such places to the point that (Americans anyway) seriously put out the notion during the late 1990’s and 2000’s that a fleeting sexual act 1) defines a persons entire character, and 2) it is also inborn, e.g. as like to say that whether you prefer this or that on the menu at a restaurant is something determined genetically; this is utterly stupid and utterly, in my opinion, a consequence of society which has not wanted to evolve beyond the ‘sexual immaturity’ of which physiologically seems to occupy a very small window of the middle to late teens and of which repression during those ages quite demonstrably creates madness and retardation – I mean that if their culture did not peripherally do this to them then the manner by which swathes of their cultural-historical institutions do this to them ‘outright’ by inculcation into this process in particular certainly does it to them, and merely it is the unwillingness to fully condemn these Religions and relegate these influences to the dustbin which keeps the entire thing ticking along with “just enough” of the population bent out of shape by it to present those same persons, seemingly confused as to where they came from, lumbering through the broader society and serving as examples of lunacy and degeneracy.
In short - and I may as well add this here also, the aim to abstain for a while from sexuality was a custom introduced by the Ancient Romans and was designed to heighten sexual pleasure; in effect, then, foreign barbarians coming to this culture much later on with nobody to really explain it to them ended up unwittingly engaging in what they would probably have recognized as ‘sex magic’ whereupon the denial of their own mechanical sexual function was ‘abstained’ by them; i.e. they saw the value in holding off on doing drugs or having sex for a while, – but they did not understand what the effect or the outcome of that was ‘intended’ to be in that one would abstain specifically ‘to’ heighten the senses toward that pleasure; and this is evidenced chiefly in the Lunar Orgies and the Fast/s of Ceres. Interestingly, Jesus himself in (i think the Gospel of Thomas?) mentions to his followers that “they will hate him for what he says now,” and that he says that “fasting brings out all the worst in them” – in other words, engaging in periodic abstinence will turn them all horny. Knowing this from a relatively early age it was no surprise to me at all why celibate priests ended up diddling children or member of their own congregation or why the most outwardly pious zealots proved to be the most morally weak people to be found as even with the most ‘clean’ example, let’s say, of a person who has never drank wine, for example, they have not ‘overcome’ that thing but have rather avoided ever experiencing that thing so that it will always be a novel temptation to them of which they will have no understanding of and which they can be leveraged by in various ways primarily due to their ignorance of which ‘experience itself’ would otherwise render them far more fortified against:
A good example here is the ‘pot scare’ of the early 1930’s in America when it was seriously believed by a wholly ignorant chunk of the urbane voting public that smoking cannabis (and drinking alcohol, for that matter) would turn a person into a serial killer, this is totally bizarre to us now, but notice that this was the same society whose moral standard was that “a table leg” should not be uncovered because it reminded them of a Womans bare leg – although here we might better understand why they were so preoccupied by thoughts like that (I think very seriously in their heightened state of perpetual arousal any little thing would send them to buggery of a farmyard creature)! Hilarious. But – notice also that this was the same society which was engaging in some of the most casually egregious inhumane criminality that history had ever seen, as if they ‘were’ high on narcotics and their rational senses dulled; I do not mean here to bring American notions of ‘Race’ into this as to be seen to ‘condemn Black Slavery’ in the fashion of my own day (although we mentioned family-tribe as a better form of so-called nationality earlier) but the ghastly images of actual Country Fairs where smiling families with children by their knees would pose for crude photographs with the charcoaled or bloated rotting carcass of a burned or lynched Man is beyond my ability to play-down or normalize. I mean here to say, that: far from the pretense of ‘clean mindedness’ of such persons about themselves that we find these same persons are the filthiest and most depraved characters around, being those few persons who walk amongst us who are actually capable of doing those inhumane things (again, see: Banality of Evil) as would be unthinkable to a person of normal rational healthy conscience. We might connect this, also, to the historical BDSM extravaganzas which took place in the Christian monasteries and public squares for many centuries where young Women were sexually tortured by celibate clergymen as to recognize how deep and quick a plunge it is from a person or their culture going from the denial of normal healthy sexuality into the kettled and sadistic gore fetish of outright murder.
It is always worth reminding the reader who wishes to minimize these more egregious aspects of the subject (as rape is still rampant among the clergy); which are consequential of sexual immaturity, that it was not ‘reason and rationality’ per se that stamped this out from European society but soldiers kicking in the doors of such Churches, Town Halls and Houses with muskets, rifles, long knives and grape-shot and physically eradicating the perpetrators and their willing congregations from America and France for the practice itself of sexually torturing a Woman and then burning the evidence on the fake pretexts of obviously made-up accusations of “she turned me into a frog” to actually be ended. That is to say that the ‘mentality’ and ‘culture’ which provided the framework for such inhumane activities was never formally realized or educated-out of a people, so to find it lingers along into contemporary times; animating the otherwise dormant farmyard animal-like character of such persons “like powers of evil”, is not surprising to me in the least. What was more surprising to me is that as so much of these religions are so obviously outright ‘evil’ that more persons do not speak of the intricacies of the things in such necessary detail these more ‘egregious’ cases would qualify, and then to spool back to discover the cause of every evil action in the mentality of every perpetrator – generally speaking, for instance, it will be a character with a disposition of infantilism and perhaps this is more easy to understand without needing to connect it to sexual immaturity though, to my mind, these are not distinct enough to warrant any separation; as: infantilism is always going to be immaturity and immaturity is always going to run concurrent with a lack of adult intellectual development where a mature and experienced view of a thing, sexuality in this case, has likely been within the powers of a person to have gleaned naturally through experiences – in which case there would be no argument with anything I say here, or of which such experiences have been prevented by external powers from being gleaned by the person in question; in which case they remain ‘as if’ they were fourteen years old with the allure of mysterious unknown sex acts utterly dominating their consciousness at all times and yet physically being thirty, forty, fifty years old – well past the age (certainly physiologically) where they should have gotten it all out of their system but of which they have not, chiefly because their experiences have been rather dull and monotone and so much social currency has been valued by it ‘being’ dull and monotone, e.g. monogamy, legal repercussions binding two people in place, the atomized kettling nature of the disconnected nuclear family unit, living amongst strangers in large cities where it not so simple as just going topless to change the local culture, control through the selective denial of the sex act itself (as William Reich and Esther Vilar both write on), the sexualisation of young people by adults, the accidental ‘perversity’ (in the real meaning of the word) of unfulfilled (or poorly fulfilled, or repressed altogether) sexuality and its effects on the brain and society, and so on and so on.
I am always inclined to think when considering this subject, and I may as well end this text in conclusion with this recurrent thought of mine, that ‘sexual perversion’ really begins in the mind of ourselves as young teenagers when the normal human body is leeringly presented to us as being something ‘illicit’, e.g. the breasts of Women are concealed in our society and so due to ‘hiding them away’ they become objects of mystery and fetish which they otherwise are not. I do not think this is deliberate reverse psychology (as god help us few enough people even understand the concept to understand what they do inadvertently) but it produces the same consequence of reverse psychology, whereupon quite arbitrarily a certain piece of the body, say, an ankle, is all of a sudden declared by a mad Adult to be “evil, sinful, lustful, of the devil,” when no such notion existed in the minds of people otherwise, as then: their natural curiosity is piqued by this imposition and so they develop a perversion dervied in chief part – as a sense of lewd pleasure – from bucking the arbitrary nonsensical imposition forced upon them by that dictate of which such a scenario never would have had cause to occur if not for that imposition having created it. I feel that this ‘perversion’ (again, in the real meaning of that word) stands in the way of a fully realized and fully pursued sense of actual sexuality and, from it, of a more resonant concordance between Men and Women whose interactions are otherwise thrown off balance by such impositions as they are dragged back down to sexual immaturity all the time; or into fear and jealously etc., as like a dozen avenues are presented in any conversation and virtually of them are strewn with piss, vomit and polyfoam which had no reason to be put there in the first place, or more accurately: it was put there through the carelessness of an atomized and witless peoples who knew no better than to do this to themselves but of which a familial-tribal unit would have drummed out of them quick sharp if for the actuality of nothing else than “we are all in this together” being something that is tangibly true and not merely shallow political rhetoric when it is said of a tribe vs. when it is said of a state polity comprised of countless strangers.

MAIORES. IV, CAL. IUNI. FORTUNA PRIMIGENIA.

Aitah for telling my boyfriend he won't pass his exams?
I F18 is dating my boyfriend, Marcus M20. I'm a very studious person as my parents used to put a lot of pressure and effort into me in school. I wasn't allowed out past 5pm and I wasn't allowed out on Saturdays as I attended a weekend school. As a kid I would protest, rebel and sneak out of the house, only to be dragged back and given a pen and paper to write down what I did wrong.
Nothing worked for some years, till my dad told me how ill go no where in life without a good education. His words stuck with me so I began to work harder. The more effort I put into my studies the less rules I had. I was allowed out on Saturdays and my home time on weekdays was no longer 5pm, it was 10pm. Even with little rules, I still stayed with my books.
I met my boyfriend through a tutor group I was a part of. He needed his grades to go up in order to get a scholarship for socar. We agreed on a price that his father paid for. 20 dollars per session. I know of others who asked for more as the upcoming exams were very important, yet I didn't do it for the money, I did it as I needed to join a club to graduate.
His name was Marcus and he was a nice guy. He was hard to teach at first as all he'd talk about was his plans after with his friends. I would make sure he was given breaks in between studying so he could talk and get something to eat, but he'd never stop talking. I found it annoying at first, I was even contemplating on switching partners. I guess he found out about that and started working with me better.
He acted like the typical star socar player, has a hot girlfriend, everyone either wants to be with him or be him sorta guy. As time went on he started to be himself, he wore less of the branded clothes that probably cost more than my house and more sweaters and chill clothes.
Our relationship began when he asked me out for coffee, on a day we were studying. I agreed, thinking it would be a good time to bond our relationship for studying so it wasn't as boring for him. I actually had a really good time. A week or so later his girlfriend broke up with him as there was a new boy in the school. He was pretty upset about it but assured me it was more of a good look on the two of them and less of a relationship.
Over time we grew closer, the next thing I knew he asked me to be my girlfriend. We dropped our tutoring as he said he wanted me to tutor his friend. I agreeded and started my lessons. Marcus would come over every Saturday, some days we'd go out other days we'd stay at mine or his.
As the exams were coming up closer and closer I realised Marcus wasn't doing any studying at all. He hid it well in class when he was asked questions. He'd say he needs to go to the bathroom or he'd reply with a joke. I didn't find it funny but the rest of the class seemed to.
As the exams were two weeks away. I sat my boyfriend down. For the last while all he's been doing is playing games and drinking. I told him I can start tutoring him again as I feel like he needs it. He flipped out saying I sound like his mom, telling him what to do. I assured him I just want what's best for him but he raged pretty quickly. He started throwing his hands about, then turned away, turning his xbox on and started to mute me out. I sat on his bed, motionless for some time, watching him shoot down other players, groaning when they got him back. I think I sat there for an hour, just staring, blankly till I stood up.
I packed up my things and left, without a goodbye, he didnt even watch me leave.
Aitah?

(Alternate account) international student from India.
Intended majors: Physics, Astrophysics, Maths.
Financial aid will be needed.
School doesn't do GPA, 9th Grade: 75% 10th Grade: 91% 11th Grade: 94%
SAT: 1500
Extracurriculars:
• Interned at a well known NGO. • Might get an internship at a startup for Web Development. • Founder and President of Innovation club of my school with 60+ members. • Published a book about physics. • Freelanced in Fiverr for 3D design. • Competed in district level skating and won several medals.
Awards:
• Duke of Edinburgh silver • Numerous Maths and English Olympiad awards at district level • District level skating awards
I'm really scared, I don't think I'll get into any college

I already made the first post regarding episode 1 and 2, here are the links, if you are interested:
https://www.reddit.com/PolinBridgerton/comments/1d8p07y/analysing_thematic_imagery_of_season_3_episode_1/
https://www.reddit.com/PolinBridgerton/comments/1daa5se/analysing_thematic_imagery_of_season_3_episode_2/
Same note as before: I do not claim all of these thoughts as originals of mine, I am not taking credit for noticing what others already noticed, and feel free to credit those who were first in comments. Also feel free to comment what you see and I do not! Or challenge me or mine.
I shall do my best to deliver analysis of the fourth episode before part 2 drops.
General imagery of the season so far (feel free to skip if you read the last post or posts):
The main thematic imagery of this season is reflection; how characters are perceived by others and how they deal with those perceptions. It ties to both leads, who were given roles by society which they must fight from time to time, and how society’s perception of them changes and controls them. Mirror imagery was important throughout the previous season not only for Pen and Colin, however in this season in particular, mirror imagery appears very often, and I expected it to continue (ehem ehem).
Tied closely to reflection imagery, we see the dichotomy of light and shadows. This dichotomy is alluded to by titles of 3 episodes of the whole season; and through this dichotomy, social roles and expectations are established. Colin is in the light, showered by compliments from members of the Ton, while Pen is forced to be in the shadows. She uses the shadows as LW to her advantage, while Colin uses his power within the light to his advantage.
The general idea is that Pen needs to decide whether she wants to stay in the shadows, which might be easier, or whether she is willing to take a risk by stepping into the light. Other characters are also haunted by their reflections. I shall dive into it in each episode.
Episode 3: Forces of Nature
While the second episode heavilly relied on the dichotomy of the day and the night to showcase masculine and feminine power, the third episode features dichotomy of nature and humanity. I have very briefly touched upon it in previous analysis regarding the promenade, when Pen asks whether she can learn to flirt through books and the moment was juxtaposed with the nature behind our leads.
It is not a new dichotomy for the show. We can for example remember the ending of episode 6 from previous season ("Animals require no contracts or dowries. The hen and a rooster make no vows. Leave it to people to complicate matters with their ceremonies and their cakes.").
The nature represents the attraction and longing, while the humanity represents either obstacles in following our desires, or simply a rationale to be "sensible" instead. Lady Whistledown acknowledges that people can somewhat triumph ("Humankind has accomplished extraordinary feats in its attempt to compete against nature."), but the episodes concludes that not only will the nature win in the end, the battle does not even include the nature, but the people who fight themselves. Basically concluding that there are no winners.
"All of man's greatest inventions are nothing more than a distraction from which is most natural to us. Our instincts. The innate animal impulse that is inside even the most sophisticated of us. For all is said and done, our nature will always win out."
Both Penelope and Colin fail to fight their own feelings in this episode.
While the natural forces refer to inner desires, we might focus on the literal natural forces which symbolize them: the Featherington garden (aka the place of crime), and the fire; the most featured in this episode, though, is the wind. The natural force which ensured the first meeting of our leads and (at least according to the books and trailer for part 2), caused Penelope to fall for Colin, as he (literally) fell from his horse.
I shall get to it more later. Let's go again scene by scene.
Third episode begins with Colin's dream. Dreams are of course heavilly linked with both Colin, Pen and their desires. Ironically, Colin's dream represents his waking up Marina alluded to in the last season ("You are a boy, caught up in his own fantasies... You need to wake up, Colin!").
While Penelope stopped dreaming and gave up on her "fantasy" after Colin's comment in the end of season 2 ("I would never dream of courting Penelope Featherington, not in your wildest fantasies."), Colin is awaken at the same place, in a cheeky way, by his dream.
The Featherington garden represents crucial moments of their relationship so far. Firstly, it was the place where he broke her heart by his statement, and sparked her intention to marry. Secondly, of course, it was the place where they came to their agreement, with her agreeing to move from him by accepting his help, while he put himself in a vulnerable position to face feelings he did not acknowledge before. Thirdly, it is the place where he was forced to face his feelings VERY directly by agreeing to kiss her.
Colin's subcontious wants to "repair" the moment. It is cheeky for Colin to apologize for the late hour, which might have been appropriate for their last meeting, as well.
Fans have had a lot of fun dissecting Colin's psyche, as Colin's dream features basically every cliché of a raunchy romance novel, which is, of course, very intentional. The first shot features the fire burning, symbolizing Colin's realized feelings. The fog might either allude to the mystery whether Colin's love is requited, or to form a "protection from the gazes of others".
This episode offers a lot storytelling through clothing with Colin especially, and I shall dive to each of his looks. Generally speaking, Colin trades vulnerability for his armor repeatedly in the first half of the episode, culminating in his Innovations Ball look, which I find the most vulnerable.
Colin in his dream is dressed similarly as he was in the end of episode 2, however, his neck is now bare, alluding to his vulnerability. Pen's neckline is lower, her loose hair as well as the fit of the gown make it seem like she is in her nightgown. Still, it is very respectable look for a wet dream, likely to showcase and hammer that Colin did not found vulnerability anew, not sexual desire.
I find it interesting that the shot does not start with Colin walking into the frame, who is the one dreaming, but with Penelope. Perhaps the intention was to try to mess with fans and give them the impression it is Pen who dreams. Colin does not get confirmation of her feelings until he admits his. Again, Colin is the vulnerable this time, not Penelope. The scene focuses much more on her pleasure than his, either to again fool the audience, or again, to sell the difference.
As Colin wakes up, we get more visual clues in the globe and the map, likely alluding to his travelling experience, which are connected to his sexuality. The other is, of course, that his blanket is yellow, a color tied to Pen (resembling the shal Violet has in the portrait, again to sell the paraller of the couples, even before Violet states it to the audience at the end of this episode). He looks to the window, which might allude to him trying to find her, as she lives accross the street, which he likely did for the first time in last episode, or trying to find the light, representing a) his social role as a popular charming rake, and b) his masculine power.
Gregory's injury might thematically tie to multiple things. Gregory was established as a cupid, who pierces Colin's heart, and who now can't do so, meaning that Colin is trapped. Gregory can also represent Colin himself as he can't even properly eat with his injury, which was something Colin also mentioned of not being able to do so. We know that Gregory falls injures the hand before he has a chance to see the balloon, which might foreshadow the ending of the episode, when Colin tries to find the answer, only to not get it and be hurt.
Colin comes to the drawing room in a brown vest. The color of the vest reminds me of his pirate coat, and I wonder whether it is basically his "casual armor", the one he wears around his family now, not wanting them to know of his feelings. It is also worth pointing out that when Colin walks in, he goes to his brothers who sit seperately from the sisters and the mother, almost to shocase Colin's tendency to trying to follow male squad, even the toxic one.
Our dearest prophetess Hyacinth strikes again by mentioning Penelope. It is worth noting that while Colin is distressed, he still realizes that he likely hurt Eloise by commenting on Lady Whistledown finding about their ordeal, and seems to attempt to follow her to make sure she is fine. Colin can't refer to Penelope as his or as a friend, so he opts to refers to her as the acquaintance of the whole family and sips the tea this time. Colin's drinking is a recurring gag this season, showcasing his growing attraction towards Pen.
From the Queen's and Agatha's meeting, we get an interesting gag of the male suitors being thrown. Penelope fell for Colin when he fell from the horse, which is rather cheeky to remember when the one falling this time is Debling.
Penelope leaves her room just in time for her to a) be reminded of the importance of producing an heir, b) be reminded of her reasons she intended to find a husband, hearing her sisters. I believe that it is Eloise's comment that sparks Pen's hope to find a husband once again, as she gets her blessing. Penelope knew she couldn't stay away for long, but to keep her column, not because she gained hope.
It is quite reasonable that Penelope chose to promenade after week in her room. We are left to wonder why Colin choose to do so and if he was perhaps trying to see her. However, from his expression, I do believe that he was surprised to see her. Colin is the one who follows Pen this episode, showcasing the change in the dynamic. Penelope often followed him instead in the previous episode.
Penelope's styling seems very childish, with her ribbons, hair to the side and pinkish and lilac tone of her dress, perhaps a visual way for her to distance herself from the ordeal and that kiss. Colin is wearing the style akin to previous seasons, with his armor being left home. They are children once again. The willow the meet under might symbolize innocence, protection, childhood, as it somewhat shields them from the Ton. The long distance show might allude to them suddenly feeling a gap between themselves, or perhaps a need to keep their distance after the whole ordeal.
It is cheeky that Penelope relies on her double identity when asked for a reasoning. She might have just as easily pointed out the Ton itself, instead, she uses Lady Whistledown she disparaged in the last episode. Just as Colin refered to the Pen in regards to all Bridgertons, Penelope refers to her and his family regarding the embarassment. Pen thanking Colin for his kindness is of course very funny paraller to her comment about his cruelty in episode 1; a comment which might have hurt him the same.
Debling starts the episode as the hunted "prey", not only as Cressida (and later Pen) is after him, but by himself, as he wants to find a hiding place. However, Debling of course changes into the "predator" later.
Stowell House in general does not seem particularly inviting. It either displays mirrors or the "prey" on the walls, signalling Pen's entrapment. Penelope does not hide even in her corner, where she is found by the toxic buddies.
Penelope assures her mother that Ton will likely be distracted by the new scandal. Portia of course does not know that it is Penelope herself who is Lady Whistledown, and who might have a chance to publish such a scandal, but only if Pen leaves her hideout. Pen later offers social contagion as a joke, which might be a fun way of alluding to her double identity, as she holds a bit of power regarding social assesment.
Mirror imagery is quite cheeky regarding our leads and Debling. Pen's back is seen in mirror behind her, which might signal that she is currently social outcast, still uncomfortable after the incident, or visual signal of Pen hiding her identity.
With Colin's arrival, it is Pen who looks at him first, just when he looks at Eloise. Colin notices and continues to look, while Pen looks away and hides as a "prey". Colin turns away and we see a glimpse of him in the mirror. Pen fell first, but he fell harder. Colin flees the mirror, as he will continue to do so in this episode, following her.
Debling does not mind the mirror at all (something he seems to share with Agatha and Benedict) and as Pen becomes more comfortable, the mirror seems to dissapear from the shot. It is worth pointing out that both Colin and Debling have waistcoats with yellow ornaments, alluding to both of them being interested in Pen.
Colin is accompanied by the candles both when Eloise mentions Penelope, as well as when he is "assessing his pupil", alluding to his growing love. I do not think it was unintentional to have Alice mention his "kindheartedness", after Penelope thanks him for his "kindness". Not only do both mention the possibility of a different suitor, they also use similar language when speaking of Colin's role in it, rubbing the idea deeper.
Even more cheeky is that Alice does not refer to Penelope by name, only as a pupil, while Colin comments on it as "gossip" finding their home. Colin refers to Whistledown when asked about Penelope; while Pen is, of course, both subject of the gossip as well as its source as lady Whistledown.
Eloise'a and Cressida's scene alludes to Eloise walking to the crossroads and choosing a path she might regret. Eloise does not help Cressida much, but it is enough for her to easily win over Pen at first.
Finally, we get likely the most in face reference of the episode: Hawkins Balloon, with its blue and yellow stripes. It likely symbolizes our leads, with Colin seeing the balloon (aka embracing the opportunity of them becoming a couple), while Pen ignores it in favour of Debling.
Colin arrives in his armor, aka with his pirate coat firmly on. But his defence crumble rather quickly. He follows Penelope immedietely. At first, he follows her instruction to focus on sweets, but more and more into the scene, he just begins to look at Pen, the only exception is when Pen compliments Debling, as he feels a need to hide his feelings.
Colin loses his battle while seeing Pen eating the cake. The cake symbolized sex even back in 102, when Pen asks Marina how did she become pregnant. What is striking, though, that the next time Colin is shown on screen, he took off his coat and seems to finish Penelope's cake. Colin lets his armor down, just before his heroic moment.
The balloon is representation of a human attempt to "triumph" over the nature, to "conquer the wind". Funnily, as Colin with the help of his squad protects the balloon and wins over the wind, he loses his own battle against it internally, as the wind represents his desire for Penelope. Colin finds courage and allows himself to be vulnerable (by leaving the pirate coat, his armor, behind in the arms of one of his toxic buddies), only for him to find Penelope in Debling's embrace. Eloise and Cressida's remarks might be quite cruel foreshadowing for the later events. "It is good thing no one was injured." "Who says I wasn't?"
The distress of Colin at Innovations Ball is implied with his darker waistcoat, bare neck and him adjusting his jacket. Colin attempts his best to smile for Eloise, but it is a rather unsuccesful attempt. If I dare say, Colin seems like he is attending funeral. His question whether a man can be pensive is rather interesting, not only as it is pun on Penelope's name, but as Colin asks basically if he can be himself.
Penelope and Portia ignore the lamp, the sorce of fire and light, which I would argue, represents the love between Pen and Colin.
Benedict refers to Francesca as "his shield" from the debutantes, and we see Benedict succeeding in fleeing the debutantes with the sister by his side. Eloise, on the other hand, leaves Colin to them, leaving him "unprotected". This is hammered with Violet, who without the children by her side, becomes the target of Marcus. It is no wonder Francesca finds her man when she is allowed to return to her familiar shadows, with fireplace representing love, passion and desire once again. Benedict, too, fails to "battle the nature", as he finds himself in the embrace of his newest partner, after he meets her at the staircase, with her looking down on him.
As the debutantes ask Colin if he is as heroic on the dancefloor, Colin moves his head instead of answering, while we get the shot of Pen holding her own dancecard. It is quite clear. Colin is losing his chance.
While Penelope's and Cressida's race is for comedic effect, it showcases that a lot of times, women fight over guys they might even want, just because they fear someone else will snatch them. While Cressida is pressured to be married, no one points out that she almost married Jack last season, someone who turned out to be a schemer. Daphne won her own "race", only to end up with Simon. Cressida fails to gain Colin's attention in season 1 and 2 mostly due to her treatment of Penelope and Daphne.
Penelope finds herself on the crossroads between Colin and Debling. She chooses to look at Colin, showcasing to the audience that Pen is romantic at heart. While Colin answers the question of debutantes, he is in fact encouraging himself, but as he can't help but look at her, she takes it as his confirmation of wishing her good luck as a mentor. Just as Pen unknowingly let Colin down in willow scene with her words, Colin just done the same. Cheekily, Debling asks whether Pen has trouble with the balloon, while she answers "not at present". As she gave up on Colin in that instance.
Penelope herself pretends to love nature to secure herself a naturalist, ignoring her own desire to be with Colin. Ironically, she secures the naturalist by openly stating she does not really care about nature, when she cares about what nature represents in this episode. Debling giving Pen lemonade ties narratively to Pen leaving the lemonade at the table during the Full-Moon ball, as well as her leaving it at drawing scene with Colin.
I believe that Debling caught on Colin's feelings at this instant. The reason I believe so is that Pen's dance card was still blank and Pen gave Colin time to react. Debling did not ask Penelope for dance beforehand, and she hoped that Colin would speak... which is something Colin might have realized once Penelope gives Debling his hand and dance card is visible to him.

Hi all - long-time lurker here finally taking the plunge. I want to stop watching online videos for a period of time. I've had a lot of success with stopgaming (4+ years without video games) and stopdrinking (coming up to half a year without a drink), so wanted to stack on those successes with this. I'm aiming to stop watching videos for a set amount of milestones leading up to 66 days.
To help habits stick, I find it helpful to answer some important 'what and why' questions first. With that in mind:
Why do I watch videos currently?

• I watch YouTube out of boredom, because I find the content funny, interesting or entertaining. This can occasionally lead to going there by default and watching 'mind-numbing' content - not entertaining or interesting, but just something to do.
• If it's a TV series, then I'm a sucker for a cliffhanger. Rather than watch one episode and leave the next as a treat for the day after, I occasionally chain-watch episodes of any series I'm watching. This can lead to losing entire days at its worst.

Why do I want to stop watching videos?

• I recently considered how much time I spend watching videos per day. It averages out at three hours per day, and can occasionally be as high as five. Videos don't give me anything valuable in return beyond just the hit of feeling satisfying in the moment; beyond rare educational content (i.e. MIT OpenCourseware/lectures) there's very limited educational value. As I watch most videos during either the morning or afternoon/evening, I also associate it with bed rot.
• I want to reprioritise the time into matters that help me grow; either through learning or by spending time with others while we have time to spend.
• I'm currently writing my thesis, and want to achieve the best grade I can. I can't afford to waste time on videos. I know that repurposing some video time into thesis time would not only greatly benefit my thesis, but would set me up with a good habit for life thereafter.
• For better sleep. Although I'm usually very good with videos, I've been awful lately, and on some nights haven't gone to sleep until later than 1am. At my most productive I've been asleep by 10pm and up by 5:30am - I'd like that back, at least for the time being.
• A core part of me hates that I spend my working day looking at a screen and then - when the work day's over - I then relax and unwind by coming home and looking at another screen. That isn't right. That isn't what life should be.

What will I do instead of watching videos?

• I enjoy running/light calisthenics, and don't do it anywhere near as much as I should. Morning exercise can make me feel good for an entire day. I'd like some of the time saved to go towards that.
• I'd put some of the time towards doing social things with my friends. I hate the idea of replacing in-person socialising with just staring at a screen, and hope this can help with that.
• At least for the next month, I'd replace the lion's share of time saved with writing my thesis. Certainly not all of it, but around half to 75%.
• I want to learn Python and to eventually (finally) pass CS50. I'd be open to downloading educational-only content that I need in order to learn as the one exception to this.
• What I won't do is allow my usage of the internet to run rampant with other distraction (here's looking at you, Reddit). To help with that, I'm going to make my usage of 'distraction sites' (any form of social media) deliberate - I'm going to write down exactly what website I'm using and what I want to do on that website whenever I use it. I do count Reddit in that list.

How will I manage social connections?

• Talking to my friends on WhatsApp and joining the nosurf discord seem like a great start.

How will I handle cravings and setbacks?

• I will set ColdTurkey up to block YouTube and similar problem websites for all but five minutes per day. The five minutes is as I might occasionally need to use YouTube for the sake of my thesis - this would allow me to grab a video link for citation without binging the day away watching it.
• By going for walks. I've found that cravings for things I want to do, while intense, don't last for as long as it feels like they might. By going for a walk when I want to watch a video, I give myself the chance to recalibrate and think.
• I currently plan out my days and track what I do every day in a square-paper book. To add to what I already do with this, I'm going to start assigning specific tasks/things that need doing for each day. That way, if I want to spend time watching videos, I can at least quickly direct myself at another task that needs doing instead.

How will I wind down in the evenings if not with videos?

• I have a solid night-time routine, which involves preparing everything for the next morning. That already helps a lot.
• If I'm feeling completely restless, I'll go to another room and read for a bit. I picked this up from Why We Sleep - I don't want to associate my bed with sleeplessness.
• If I'm feeling tired, I'll read in bed with a soft lamp.

How will I manage emotional regulation if not using videos as a distraction?

• By funnelling emotions into both exercise (tracked with Strava) and by writing my thoughts (either in my pen-and-paper notepad or on Obsidian).

How will I measure progress?

• With this subreddit! I can see that u/badgebot is a mod here, so I've sent off a DM asking for a badge. I assume they're applicable to this subreddit?
• By setting milestones along the way. These milestones will be 1 day, 2 days, 4 days, 1 week, 2 weeks, 1 month, 2 months and - finally - 66 days respectively. This last one has been chosen as it's believed to be the amount of time it takes to form a new habit. I'll denote each of the milestones in my calendar, and will make a post on this subreddit for how things are going on those days.

With that in mind, let's begin. I'm hoping this helps in my pursuit of growth as a person.

Past couple weeks, I’ve sobered up and realized I don’t even like my Ltr very much and I don’t like how I am around her.
Got a “not feeling well rejection” on Tuesday b/c she wanted to rest up for Wednesday. I said I wasn’t coming home Wednesday, she said Thursday. I pushed it to a hard no and ended up talking about how cuddles aren’t free.
On Wednesday, I had a long dinner with a buddy who went through a rough divorce. After, I grabbed a hotel room solo to clear my head and grenade in some dread.
I’ve done this before to fight insomnia and it has gone unnoticed. This time, I was getting really early worried texts. I was at the gym, got ambushed when I got home at 6:15am Thursday am. Didn’t answer first round, stfu. Got ready for work, said I had a project I was excited about, we’d meet at dinner for the planned couple date Thursday night. Ltr didn’t want to go, I said I’ll be at the restaurant at 6 either way and left for work.
Got understandably stood up for dinner, came home late Thursday, left early Friday am for work.
Ltr bro/sis/fam/cousins in town Friday night. I decide to go out instead of come home for family night at our house. We had no contact for 48 hrs and I felt like I needed to stay in my frame. While out, I get 2 soft positive interactions, 2 blow out rejections, and one angry MMA fighter threatening me as his wife is profusely apologizing to me for his behavior (she was touching my leg). Different story.
Come home late again, go in to work Saturday to nail project stuff down. Mountain biking Saturday afternoon with friends then home to shower. We have dinner plans that night with Ltr siblings, just 6 adults. Sister in law asks if I’m coming to dinner, I say yes. Go to shower, Ltr locked bathroom wouldn’t let me in. Leaves without talking. She looks hot.
Basically 96 hours of no contact either way. I suspect everyone knows what’s up best Ltr took find iPhone notifications off. I’m sure one of the sisters taught that trick.
I’m impressed with her frame and it tells me a little more about how far lost I am. Expected some outreach in a day or two but she’s hunkered down.
This was probably weak, but I realized I miscalculated. All the kids were gone, her sister and sister in law are in town, she turns location off, she can revenge sex pretty easy here.
I’m fine if it happens, I caused it, and it’s a boundary. So that’s it- two decades of marriage over. But I didn’t want to leave it totally to chance and just texted “Going to cabin, I didn’t do anything wrong.”
I know I caved. My hope was that I’d give enough time for Ltr to think and talk over with her sisters that they’d be good for the night and not force the boundary.
So now I’m holed up for at least a day or two. Travel later this week anyways. Stfu, lift, boat, read (stoic), and divorce prep from the sidebar.
In my mind, I want to initiate the discussion for how it’s over and start cancelling summer plans, but I know this is validation seeking to get a reaction and attention.
Seems like the best course of action is radio silence. When I need to come back to the house, go back and do what I need to. It’s my house. Have whatever conversation comes up after she reaches out.
When that happens, the speech I have is: “We just lost all trust. I’ve financed you going out twice a week for a decade and never questioned it. I gave you implicit trust. I go out two times, and you question me. It seems unbalanced.
The one time I did question you, you were out until 2am and stumbling in the closet. That’s not the way I want the mother of my children to behave. I told you the boundary, I told you the consequences, I told you it would mean other people. You apologized, then went and did it again. You threw it in my face. At the same time, you started talking about nip ticks out of nowhere. You went off birth control without talking to me. You told me I was unattractive.
I bought books for us to go through that you don’t want to read. I bought card games that you don’t want to play. I plan yoga and tennis and you can’t find time in the schedule. I plan getaways to Savannah and Charleston and you don’t have time in the schedule.
You roll away from me in bed, I’ve been sleeping on the couch for a year, you just hard no’d me and turned off iPhone after I went out two times.
What did you expect was going to happen?”
I guess my ask mrp is does that sound like the best course of action?

In the wilderness of corporate America, I found myself steering a ship of designers, developers and project managers towards the eye of a hurricane, known as Project X. To make it more dramatic, we had one month to get there and all we had was an idea, a team, and a deeply ingrained fear of failure.
The team was a mixed bag of personalities, skills and preferences. Mike, the developer, had a deep-seated disdain for anything that wasn't coded in Python. Sarah, the graphic designer, was an alien from an abstract universe where colors and patterns spoke louder than words. And then there was me, the self-proclaimed captain of this ship, armed with nothing but a beat-up copy of ‘Change by Design’ by Tim Brown.
I knew I had to get the team to work together, to align our thought processes and work towards a common goal. But how? After many sleepless nights, gallons of black coffee and an existential crisis later, I stumbled upon a forgotten concept from my days at design school.
Design thinking, of course!
Design thinking is a creative problem-solving approach that encourages empathy, experimentation, and iteration. It's not just about making things look good, it's about understanding people, their needs and their motivations.
So, I set off on my quest to inject some design thinking into our workflow. I conducted a brainstorming session where Mike tried to explain coding to Sarah using colors and shapes, and Sarah explained abstract design to Mike using logic and algorithms. We used empathy maps to understand our potential users, sketched out journey maps to predict their interactions with the product, and built a myriad of prototypes.
It was confusing, chaotic, and absolutely amazing. We were no longer just a coder, a designer, and a manager. We were a team, united by our common understanding, empathy for our users, and our shared goal. We sailed through Project X, not just surviving the storm, but harnessing its power to propel us forward.
Design thinking didn't just improve our teamwork, it transformed how we approached problems and came up with solutions. It shifted our focus from the product to the people using it. It made us better professionals, and dare I say, better human beings.
P.S. Before you start fearing for my sanity – this post is purely hypothetical. Mike's real love is JavaScript and Sarah doesn't really live in an abstract universe (though she would definitely love to). And as for me, well the coffee addiction is real, but the book, ‘Change by Design’ is still in mint condition. But hey, it gave us all a good illustration of how mental models like design thinking can be applied to everyday scenarios, didn't it?

Hey everyone,
I wanted to share an insight from my journey that might help others here who are trying to get their side projects off the ground. In my most recent project My AI Story, I’ve learned firsthand how crucial it is to find the right demo for your project to see real growth.
My Project: I’ve developed an app where children can create their own personalized eBooks using AI. It really is great for a bedtime / quick read. The idea is to make reading more engaging by allowing kids to be the stars of their own stories.
My Initial Approach: At first, I was reaching out to a broad audience. I posted on Reddit, HackerNews, ProductHunt, and shared it with friends and family. While I did get some feedback and interest, the progress was slow, and it felt like my project wasn’t gaining the traction it needed.
The Shift: I realized that I wasn’t targeting the right demographic. My app is designed for children, but I wasn’t connecting with the people who would actually introduce it to them—parents and educators. So, I shifted my approach. I started reaching out directly to schools, teachers, and parent groups.
The Results: The difference was night and day. By focusing on parents and educators who saw the value in making reading fun and personalized for kids, I started to see significant growth. The feedback became more relevant, the engagement increased, and the overall response was much more positive.
The Lesson: Finding the right demo for your project can make all the difference. It’s not just about getting your project in front of as many eyes as possible, but about getting it in front of the right eyes. For me, it was about connecting with the people who would truly benefit from and appreciate what my app offers.
I hope this helps others who might be struggling with similar issues. Sometimes, it’s just a matter of finding and reaching out to the right audience.
Feel free to ask any questions or share your experiences. Let’s help each other grow!

I read the 7 deaths of evelyn hardcastle by Stuart turton and i liked it so much i also picked up the last murder at the end of the world and i really like the mystery element but the fact that there is Sci fi / supernatural type stuff mixed in there.
Is there anything else like this? Because there's 1000s of murder mystery books but i dunno how to search for something like this.

In the vibrant and competitive educational landscape of Malad, H.M. Classes has emerged as the premier institution for the best school section classes in Malad. Renowned for its commitment to academic excellence, experienced faculty, and personalized approach, H.M. Classes is the preferred choice for students and parents seeking top-quality education from grades 8 to 12.

A Legacy of Academic Excellence

H.M. Classes has built a strong reputation for delivering outstanding results across various school levels. The institute’s unwavering commitment to quality education and its holistic approach to student development have made it a trusted name in Malad. By providing a nurturing and intellectually stimulating environment, H.M. Classes ensures that students excel not only in their academics but also in their overall development.

Expert Faculty

The cornerstone of H.M. Classes' success is its team of highly qualified and experienced faculty members. Each teacher is a specialist in their subject area, bringing both in-depth knowledge and practical insights to the classroom. The faculty’s dedication to student success goes beyond mere instruction; they act as mentors, offering guidance, encouragement, and personalized support to help students achieve their full potential.

Comprehensive Curriculum

H.M. Classes offers a meticulously crafted curriculum that covers all major subjects for students from grades 8 to 12, including:

• Mathematics
• Science (Physics, Chemistry, Biology)
• English
• Social Studies (History, Geography, Civics)
• Languages (Hindi, Marathi, and more)

The curriculum is designed to ensure a thorough understanding of each subject, preparing students for both school exams and competitive entrance tests. Regular updates to the syllabus keep the content aligned with the latest educational standards and examination patterns.

Personalized Attention and Support

One of the key strengths of H.M. Classes is its student-centric approach, offering personalized attention and support to each student. With small class sizes, the institute ensures that every student receives individualized guidance, enabling them to grasp complex concepts with ease. Regular assessments, mock tests, and feedback sessions help students identify their strengths and areas for improvement, fostering a supportive and collaborative learning environment.

State-of-the-Art Facilities

H.M. Classes understands the importance of a conducive learning environment. The institute provides state-of-the-art facilities, including modern classrooms equipped with advanced teaching aids, a comprehensive library with a vast collection of reference books, and access to online resources. These facilities create an ideal setting for students to focus on their studies and excel academically.

Holistic Development

At H.M. Classes, the focus extends beyond academics. The institute believes in the holistic development of its students and encourages participation in various extracurricular activities. Workshops, seminars, and guest lectures by industry experts are regularly organized to broaden students' perspectives and enhance their skills. These activities help students develop essential soft skills such as communication, leadership, and time management, which are crucial for their overall success.

Proven Track Record

The success of H.M. Classes is best reflected in the impressive achievements of its students. Year after year, the institute boasts outstanding results in school exams, with many students securing top ranks and high scores. This consistent performance has solidified H.M. Classes' position as the best school section coaching institute in Malad.

Student Testimonials

The positive experiences and success stories of students and parents highlight the quality of education at H.M. Classes:

• Ananya Singh, a 10th-grade student, shares, "H.M. Classes transformed my academic experience. The personalized attention and expert guidance helped me excel in my board exams."
• Rajesh Kumar, a parent, says, "Enrolling my daughter in H.M. Classes was the best decision. The rigorous curriculum and dedicated faculty have made a significant difference in her academic performance."

Conclusion

H.M. Classes stands out as the best coaching institute for the school section in Malad, thanks to its expert faculty, comprehensive curriculum, state-of-the-art facilities, and proven track record of success. For students aiming to excel in their school exams and build a strong foundation for their future studies, H.M. Classes offers the perfect blend of academic rigor and personalized support. If you're seeking excellence in school education, H.M. Classes is the ultimate choice in Malad.
Name- H.M Classes in Malad West Mumbai
Address-Chimanlal Apartment, Swami Vivekananda Rd, Malad, Navy Colony, Mamledarwadi, W, Mumbai, Maharashtra 400064
Phone No-9969142593
Link-https://hmclasses.in/

Humanity and Psychic Abilities
If the Warp is like an ocean, calling humanity psychic is like calling them aquatic. Ninety-nine percent of humans can't even use any psychic powers. The 1% who can’t even use them consciously and are at most just a bit luckier. Out of those, only one in a billion can do anything%20%2D%20Psykers%20of,Human%20births%20in%20the%20Imperium.) worthwhile.
Dim-souled races like the Tau or the Votann can ignore Chaos and play Stellaris instead of seven-dimensional chess with tarot cards for tiles. Psychic races like the Eldar have more powers can sense and are more resistant to Chaos. It’s only humans who have souls just strong enough to be food for demons but can’t do anything with them.
Only humanity has such a widespread problem with "cults and corruption"—Chaos or Genestealer. The Orks can sense unorkiness, Eldar can too with their psychic power, and the Kroot can just smell it. You can’t blame the Imperium for being stupidly paranoid when you could have three humans side by side: a normal one, one a Chaos spawn in waiting, and a Genestealer, and they all look the same.
There is a quote in End and the Death v1
There are no gods!’ scoffs Raja.
‘You’re a fool,’ Actae tells him. ‘Before the fall of the aeldari, there was no fourth power of Chaos. The gods of Chaos breed and multiply, propagating like storms through the empyrean. They are born in turn, though they have all existed forever. Time has no meaning for them. The fall of the aeldari did not cause the birth of She Who Thirsts, merely her occurrence. So too with all other gods, be they foul entities of Chaos, or divine forces of sentient power.’
‘She Who Thirsts was born out of the death of an entire sentient culture,’ says John.
‘Such is the inevitable fate of all advanced, psychic species,’ says Actae. ‘And the Dark King is our fate.
I haven’t read the books, but not counting that there are uncountable psychic races and only four Chaos gods, humanity is the one destined to birth the Dark King. But compared to the birth of Slaanesh, it becomes ridiculous.
The Eldar had an entire galaxy-spanning empire bigger and more numerous than the Imperium.
Ten Million Suns vs 1 Milion worlds
they easily outclassed the strongest psykers humanity can produce.
Being in a utopia where they could engage in murder orgies 24/7 with hyper drugs, and even more than their dark descendants, they could throw psychic powers into the mix. All that for thousands of years—yeah, it makes sense Slaanesh was born. But humanity has to meet its "end" before it was even born.
This was before 10.000 years of the " the cruelest and most bloody regime imaginable".

I just finished my 2nd year from a tier 2 university with a cgpa of 7. I have not done any research papers but have 1-2 good projects( what exactly classifies as a good project?). It hit me like a truck today that my cgpa barely clears the cutoff for many universities and Iam freaking out right now. My domain of interest is cybersecurity and networks and prefer to do MS in this. I know I have about a year and a half left but it would be really helpful if you guys can give me a roadmap/guide for these next 2 years to maximise my chances of getting into a good university. The location doesn’t matter as long as it is a decent university with a decent ROI. My_qualifications: 7cgpa till 4th sem 96% in 10th grade 86% in 12th grade

Dear Colleagues and Friends,
We are putting together a book for game makers that aims to show how we can sustainably make games for sustainability. All perspectives and authors are welcome and we can offer support with writing as well as potentially expand the deadline somewhat. There is less than one week left until the deadline for the cfp below right now.
Patrick

Call for Abstracts – Towards Sustainable Game Design: The Game Needs to Change
Book chapter for an edited collection
Publisher: CRC Press (Taylor & Francis Group)
500 word abstract deadline 15th of June 2024.
There are NO submission or processing fees for accepted manuscripts.
Mission:
Join us in contributing to a groundbreaking collection of research and white papers aimed at exploring the intersection of games and sustainability. We invite abstract submissions from both industry professionals and academics passionate about effecting positive change in the gaming sphere. Together, we’re making a book about moving beyond mere greenwashing to collectively work towards systemic solutions. Let’s make games toward a sustainable world, sustainably!
In this upcoming publication, we seek to distinguish genuine sustainability efforts from mere green-washing tactics prevalent in the industry. Our editorial team will meticulously review abstract submissions, selecting those with potential to offer substantive insights and practical solutions to the pressing challenges of sustainability in gaming and a compelling vision for how we can achieve a sustainable future.
Our goal is to empower individuals and organizations across the games industry who are eager to make meaningful contributions towards sustainability. Through a blend of industry expertise and scholarly research, our book aims to provide actionable strategies and real-world examples to guide readers in integrating evidence-based sustainability principles into their professional endeavors and work for real, systemic change.
Possible Topics Include but are not Limited to:
• Systemic approaches to sustainability
• Production, processes and material conditions
• Telling Stories for a Sustainable Future
• Integrating Environmental Messaging and Learning into Game Mechanics
• The unique challenges of games
• Stories and visions of a sustainable game industry and future
• Discipline-specific methods and practices
• Impact-focused research on games and sustainability
• Analyzed experiences or stories of designing for sustainability
• Retrospectives on industry practice for sustainability game design
• Collaborations between research and industry teams
• Design theory or design practice theory
To have your essay or research considered, please submit a 500 word abstract by 15th of June 2024. Email abstracts with the title “book submission” to Clayton_Whittle [at] outlook.com
The Book:
For industry professionals, this book is a way to highlight both the challenges you are facing and your approach to them, to connect it to evidence-based research. For researchers, organizers, and activists, this offers the possibility for real-world impact and a chance to apply your findings in a concrete and impactful way. For all of us, it presents a chance to work with like-minded individuals on suggesting pragmatic solutions and to build a community for sustainability in the games industry.
As a book aimed at advising practice, essays and research will be organized into topic-focused sections. The editors will work with authors to organize essays appropriately. Editors will also provide a structure for each topic-focused section that frames the work of authors in the context of real-world stories, practical examples, and actionable advice. To facilitate this connected organization, and to also make sure that each contributor knows what is being said in the chapters before and after their own, we are planning a digital meeting between the editors and the contributors for each topic. In this meeting, we will give feedback to each other’s draft texts, find connecting points, and strengthen the argument of the book, while meeting the people who are working in our exact field.
In order to respect your time and work, and to make such a meeting possible within the time-frame of the editing process, the editors are aiming for a fast turn-around for submissions within 2-3 weeks.
Contributions:
Chapters will be max. 8000 words written in accessible language. Shorter contributions, especially practice-based and design work, are also explicitly welcome. Specialist terms and concepts will be explained and there will be no assumption that the reader is a researcher or specialist in a given development field. That said, it will be possible to use scientific and other references. About 50 illustrations in black and white are available for the entire book. We accept submissions with multiple authors as well as more than one submission per author.
Given that we are expecting contributions from a variety of fields, chapters can look quite different from each other. Some might be academic text while others can be an explanation of a successful organization process or advice for impactful design. We strive to accommodate these differences in the structure of the book and encourage submissions with practice-based topics. The editors offer support to contributors who are not necessarily used to writing in order to support such submissions and help you tell your story. What exact form this support will take will be based on the need of contributors in collaboration with the editor team.
We’re very interested in contributions and perspectives from those actively working on game development projects, and we also recognize that game industry professionals may not have as much experience with the writing and editing processes involved with this project compared to contributors with a more academic background. As a 15-year game industry veteran who has more recently learned to research, write, and publish work in this space, editor Trevin York is on hand to support contributors who are similarly interested in sharing their processes through these types of written projects.
Editors and Publisher:
The book is to be published by CRC Press, in the Tyler and Francis Group, in 2026 with a release during GDC. The printed book will have the following ISBN: 9781032836195. It is edited by Dr. Patrick Prax, Dr. Clayton Whittle, and Trevin York. Patrick is Associate professor of Game Design at Uppsala University and has been working with sustainability in game design education and the game industry. Clayton is the co-chair of the IGDA Climate SIG and Ph.D. research consultant for transformational games. Trevin is the founder & director of Dire Lark, a game design for change studio. Clayton and Trevin are also the first authors of the Environmental Game Design Playbook by the IGDA Climate SIG.
Timeline:
• Submission deadline for abstracts: 15th of June 2024
• Submission format: 500 words excluding literature
• Editor feedback: acceptance within three weeks, 7th of July
• Peer feedback on in-progress chapters: 15th of October, submission 10th of October
• Full chapter submission deadline: 2nd of December 2024
• Feedback within six weeks, 15th of January
• Final submission deadline to editors: 15th of March 2025
• Final Print Deadline: 01 May 2025
• Publication: GDC 2026
Abstracts with the title “book submission” to be emailed to: clayton_whittle [at] outlook.com
Please do not hesitate to contact us if there are any questions at all!
Thanks,
Patrick, Clayton, and Trevin
Editors
Patrick Prax
Associate Professor at the Department of Game Design
Uppsala University, Sweden
patrick.prax [at] speldesign.uu.se
Latest Publication:
From Talking about Loot Boxes to Discussing Political Economy: Conceptualizing Critical Game Literacy
gamevironments No. 17 (2022): Special Issue "Social Justice"
https://journals.suub.uni-bremen.de/index.php/gamevironments/article/view/180

Hi 🌎🔮 💜💚🩷,
I am #Sinner 🥰😇😈, and I'd like to connect with #Individuals, #Families and #Communities that are into #Incest and thinks it gives #positivebenefits to them, to their families and to #OurEnvironment.
I'd like to hear and listen to your own #PointOfView regarding with this as I am creating a book and a story to vlog and publish.🫶💖❤️‍🔥
I am from the Philippines ♊️🇵🇭 and it will be my pleasure to meet such minded people. Thank you. 🥰🤩🤗
Interested participants may reach me through my Official Accounts and I thank you from the bottom of my heart for following me as I continue to work with my project.
Telegram: @XD_Sinner Instagram: @xd_sinner Facebook: @sinner.XD69
As I continue to work with my project, I am looking for people who can lend me a hand #Voluntarily. And the people that I'd to work with are what normal people called #AWAKENED Humans. So yeah,

IamCallingtoALL

AwakenedHumans

WAN4ALL

WeActNow4ALL

I #Sinner is founding a #Community that consists of #AwakenedHumans that thinks it is now the time to #Unite and create the #BestFuture, #MostPeacefulFuture and #MostAdvancedFuture Possible. 🌐🌊🚀☮️🕊❤️

ActingTogether not just for #Humans but for #ALL living beings such as #Plants, #Animals, #Fishes and #ALLCreatures specially to #ProtectandLoveOurMotherEarth.

So those who are interested and wanted to be part of my founding team, it is always my pleasure to receive a helping hand with passion and love. 🤗🥰🤟🤜🤛🫰👌🤌 Whether you are interested in helping me to #Manage my social. To be an #Investor or #Partnership.

Sponsorships or #Promotions or whatever you #FEEL. 🤜🤛🩷🫰

As long as #YoureallyLove to be in #MyFounding Team / #FoundingFamily as I am creating #MyOwn Team #OwnFamily that consists of #Awakened Humans from different part of our #World.
And Its name will be "Pirate XD"
As the Founder ofcourse I will be called the Captain. XD
And Pirate XD will be the name the #First #RealWorldGuild that consists of different #Awakened Humans from All over the Globe.
A Non-Government Organization ( NGO ) ( First NGO ) to be called a Real World Guild. And the First Guild that will #Lead and #Start an #Association of different Guilds around the #World that aims to #Create the #BoldestBrightestFuture Ever!
XD 😁 XP 😋
If interested just please reach me out anytime through my soc meds. I prefer it personally but of course im connecting to all around the world, so whatever the opportuny is then I'll be super grateful to connect with you ALL

ThankYou 🫰🩷❤️🤜🤛🕊☮️🌊🌐🚀🔮❤️‍🔥👌

Hi, Sarawakians! I am (25M) recent graduate in Multimedia Technology university graduate (2023). I interned at a company (name withheld for privacy reasons) in Kuching as a Graphic Designer and some document work for six months in 2023. Currently, I am a trainee (same job scope as well) under a government program called Protege, which is a one-year contract ending around October this year, at the same company.
The company wont hire any new staff in this department at the moment. So, I did more research on the company and found out they are also looking for contract work (Document Controller) [which suggested by my supervisor] (maybe high pay but without any EPF) and I also look for many jobs and received job recommendations from my university friends.
My university friends recommended that I try out jobs such as Web Developer (I have been rusty with this since my final year project in university). Most of the salaries are around RM3-4K. I am aiming for a job roughly around RM4k salary in Kuching. (Is that even possible?) But honestly speaking, I am pretty aimless in terms of what job I should be aiming for. At the end of 2022 (my uni time), I was thinking about trying something new other than coding (FYP). But now, after interning in graphic design and doing document work, I feel like I am falling behind my university friends, who are excelling at what they like and are doing. It's not that I don't like what I am doing now, but it's more like 'the grass is always greener on the other side.'
Part of me wants to go out and work independently instead of relying on my parents. Another part of me wants to retire my dad as soon as possible (since he's the sole breadwinner as a woodwork freelancer with 1.5K per month just to support three of us) and take care of my parents as they are getting older. I don't want them to rely on my elder siblings, as they are thriving as well (I'm the youngest, by the way). Also, I don't spend money on things such as leisure other than buying 2nd hand books (occasionally) to keep me learning new things.
FYI, here is what I learned about work from my internship and training, as well as from my colleagues and friends:

• Make sure to gain as much experience as possible.
• Work at a good company so the next employer will be more likely to hire you, and it will also make your resume look rather attractive.
• Moderate job hopping can increase your salary.
• Learn as many skills as possible (which I'm still applying nowadays).

So, my concerns are:

• I am pretty aimless in terms of what job I should be aiming for. Any suggestion for narrowing down my choices of job?
• Company job listing offers for contract job. (should I try?)
• Should I be working at semenanjung or stay and work in Kuching? (especially at KL bandar area despite of high living cost + pay and the fact that I have friends there)
• Should I get a full-time job as soon as possible, or should I get experience as much as possible "while I am still young"?
• Should I be working at SG? (Haven't look into what jobs are available yet)

My mind has been clouded with thoughts and it's getting exhausting to keep thinking about this for months.
Dear sifus, please advise and suggest me if I am wrong or anything. Thank you for taking out your time to read this such long and rambling post. Cheers.

The Subreddit Favorites List Project

We’re creating Goodreads shelves with the subreddit’s top recommendations in tons of different genres and categories, and you can help! Every Sunday, a member of the subreddit resources team will make a post asking for top recommendations in a specific category. At the end of the week, the team will create a Goodreads shelf of the books everyone has recommended. These shelves will then be linked on the subreddit resources page, so people looking for books in that category will have an easy way to add popular books directly to their Goodreads TBR. You can find all of the Goodreads shelves created for this project so far at this link. You can find all past posts for this project at this link.

Suggest Your Favorite Books in This Week’s Category

This week’s category is: [Mafia-MC(Motorcycle Club)] In the comments, please suggest your all-time favorites and top recommendations in this category. We’ll add these to a Goodreads shelf that will be linked on the subreddit resources page. Link to Goodreads shelf for this category: mafia-mc Rules for suggestions: * Make your suggestions by Saturday of this week. Suggestions added later might not be added to the Goodreads shelf, because we can’t monitor the post comments forever. * Please don’t suggest more than five books * Feel free to say something about why you're recommending a book. We'll be saving these posts as a resource, too, in case people want more info about how books were chosen. * Use individual book names, not series names. Only individual books can be added to Goodreads shelves; series cannot. * If you’re suggesting a series of books about the same couple, please list only the first book in the series, since that is where readers will need to start. * If you’re suggesting a book in a series about different couples, you can list whichever book(s) in that series you recommend. For example, you could suggest only Heated Rivalry and none of the other books in the Game Changers series, if you wished. Special rules for this week’s category: If there are TW you are aware of with the book you are recommending, please include that!

Read this book around 2014-2015 in England, likely written and published in England. It was a very old book by the time I read it, pages were yellow and creased and smelt weird. Probably published 90s or early 00s. It was a paperback book with a dark green cover I think.
I remember being extremely confused on one of the mysteries because the question was "who broke the radio" and there was a cartoon outline picture of a bunch of kids playing and a radio in the middle, and there was a description of what the kids were doing, and there was a girl playing with a jump rope (called a skipping rope in England) and it said she had skipped over the rope like 3 times. and the answer was that that girl had broken the radio "because 2 skips break a radio". i've tried googling what this means but i can't find any answers and i cannot find the book either. my original thought was that she had hit the radio while skipping but she was far from it in the picture and the pictures were imperative in solving the mystery. my second thought was that skipping rope near a radio disrupts the signal or something (a teacher told me this was what it meant). now i think it's likely a pun to stop kids from skipping songs on the radio because "pressing the skip button too much will break the radio"
anyway, there were other mysteries such as a man with a mustache, he claimed he was on holiday during the crime and showed photographs from the holiday and the dates on the corners of the photographs matched up with his story. but he was clean-shaven in the photos and had a mustache at the time of questioning which was only a few days after the crime. turns out he faked the dates on the photographs.
every day i think about this book and i can't get it out of my head. especially the "two skips break a radio" thing. i used to have nightmares about it. the book just kinda gave off a bad and dodgy vibe to me and scared me for some reason. i would really love to find the title of this book or the author.

Gary Thank you for the opportunity, Q’uo. We do have a couple of questions from our friend, Fox, who asks: In the book Carla channeled, called A Book of Days, it states that “the dealings of the two polarities are separate, negative polarity being the choice to separate from positive unity.” Her question asks: “Before the veil there was only service to others, or positive unity. Is it an actual choice in third density to remain in positive unity, or is the only real choice that of separating from positive polarity and moving to negative polarity?”
I am Q’uo, and am aware of your query, my brother. Within this illusion that you now experience that has been created as it is because of the existence of what you call “the veil of forgetting”, there is, indeed a choice that can be made, and must needs be made, if entities are to be, shall we say, graduated into the fourth density of love and understanding. This choice, as you are aware, is that which is to be either of service to others or service to self. Now, upon the surface of it, it would seem that there are, indeed, two distinct choices in this condition that has resulted because of the presence and the implementation of the veil of forgetting by those Logoi who have been, shall we say, able to prosper or benefit from the earlier Logoi who had no such veil and had some difficulty within the third-density illusion of shepherding the flock through the third density because of a seeming lack of choice.

In reality, in the larger sense, shall we say, when one looks at the outcome of each choice—that of service to others and service to self—as each grouping of entities continues to proceed along the evolutionary path, there is a distinct difference between each choice. Separation is the polar opposite of communion and coming into unity, and yet each [polarity] deals with the desire to become, once again, the One Infinite Creator. The means by which this desire is fulfilled seems to be quite opposite and different for the negative polarity in that it intends, and does indeed, separate itself from all other selves, and compacts itself to the degree that it seems totally removed from all around it. And yet, one must remember that there is nothing in motion that has not been made, and which does not contain, the One Creator. The Creator has made all that is, and has provided free will in the ultimate sense for each portion of its own being—both those portions which seek to radiate the love and light of the One Creator, and those which seek to absorb the love and light of the One Creator—and yet both deal with the love and the light of the One Creator for the purpose of moving back into unity with the One Creator.

In this regard, it would seem that the basic elements of each path are the same. It is the means by which the desire of each polarity is manifested that makes the paths appear different. But, we must remember, my friends that much of what is an appearance in any aspect or polarity, is an illusion that exists for the purpose of aiding each path to progress to its final destination. All the creation is an illusion, or a distortion, of the One Creator to assist portions of the One Creator to travel through the One Creator in order to return to the One Creator. All of the action, the thought, and the being within the one infinite creation is a means by which the Creator learns more of itself from itself.
[In] the situation that existed before the veil of forgetting it seemed that there was not so much free will available to third-density entities, yet these entities in themselves were each capable and free to make choices regarding each aspect of their spiritual journey. However, it could be said that because there was no veil, there was no opportunity to proceed as quickly as was later possible after the implementation of the veil of forgetting, for when it is not easily apparent to a third-density entity that it is the One Creator, that all of the facets of unity of love and of light that belong to the One Creator and each of its portions are not obvious, then it is that the entity in third density must work in the conscious sense to exercise its own will and faith that such possibilities are true and can be realized by each entity. This is an arduous process, my friends, taking many, as you know, incarnations in order to accomplish this polarization in consciousness, which is actually the action of each third-density entity after the veil of forgetting was implemented.
All of the trial and error, the spiritual sweat, shall we say, that has been spent attempting to make a coherent sense out of the life pattern, is the basics of the polarization process. This is where progress, ironically enough, and paradoxically enough, is most rapid, when the truth is hidden from the third-density being, then the attempt must be made to attempt to find the truth, and whether this takes a moment or a lifetime or a series of lifetimes, still the progress is far quicker with the veil in place than without it, for without the veil what is the motivation to change the conditions that are observed to be of unity where each is the Creator? There is no fear or love so great as to motivate a change in attitude or position.
Therefore, we would say that it is a matter of perspective that one may see from a distance, shall we say, that reveals that in truth the only choice for all entities, before or after the veil, is to return to the One Creator, to have many, many experiences on this journey home. The question then becomes, shall some means be implemented that accelerates this journey? For all eventually learn, some more quickly than others.
complete session : https://assets.llresearch.org/transcripts/files/en/2018_0512.pdf

Man, I’m on a required international project trip in Europe for my grad school program right now and I have messed up TWICE with booking flights. The first flight I booked a week after the date I was supposed to be leaving and had to pay to move it. The second one, days after the first, I actually went to the WRONG AIRPORT because there’s like three in this area of the continent and the difference between Basel and Baden-Baden went unnoticed in my brain. I had to buy a new flight out of Basel to get to where I was going, which was a bummer to have to pay for on top of the useless other ticket.
This is not the first time I’ve messed up like this, and it’s one of those things that makes me feel SO silly and inadequate, like I’m unable to plan and execute a trip for myself that doesn’t wind up having some sort of shocking twist that winds up being expensive or disappointing.
I’m newly diagnosed as ADD but I have a PRETTY good idea that’s why this keeps happening. It feels closely related to my challenges with taxes and other paperwork or detail-heavy things.
How do y’all deal with this kind of thing and stop yourself from making similar mistakes??