Good marrow, bonelickers!
Early last month I announced the 19th Speedlang Challenge. I broke the mould with it a little bit by confining how the ambitious among you would actually put together your speedlangs rather than defining a number of requisite features. The bulk of this process had speedlangers root all their creative linguistic decisions in a small set of natlangs, and these natlangs specifically had to be native to areas representative of a chosen clade of organisms. To ensure the clade of organisms was well represented, I also asked for a number of lexical items and conceptual metaphors that had to be specifically inspired by the clade in some way, as well as some aspect of the phonology.
Like last time, I'll provide my thoughts about what I think makes each submission special and the features I particularly like. Afterwards, I'll quickly review what was inspired by the chosen clade, in case that has any bearing on what you kind readers might like to check out, and give out brownie points for any easter eggs I spot, whether intended or not.
Overall this has been a deeply creative round of submissions and I learned a lot, both things I set out to achieve when I thought up this particular challenge. I hope it was just as rewarding a challenge for everyone who submitted as it was for me getting to read up on each entry, and I hope it will be the same for anyone who reads up on them, too.
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Seba Bàsa by Miacomet

Gyps (griffon vultures); Chamic, Bengali, Santali & Mundari
With a name including the element Bàsa, I knew this had to have Indic flavours of one sort of another, and indeed it does! This conlang is largely Austronesian in origin with sound changes from Old Cham, but it has a lot of Bengali influence and is well situated in the Indian subcontinent, and I greatly appreciate the nod to Parsi funerary traditions as an inspiring reason for choosing Gyps. Amusingly, this conlang has many features that fit right into the inspiration for the last speedlang challenge, which I find just delightful, with some split-S marking, dative enclitics, and grammaticalised constructions for simultaneous and sequential events, and light pronouns. Therebeside, the historical clipping, CVK syllable structure, postpositional pronouns, and aspectual auxiliaries speak to sensibilities in my own conlanging, and the dissimilation processes in some of the affixes are a nice touch, too. I'm also a big of fan just how the split-S system is implicated in some verbal polysemy, and I really like how the few voices seem kinda muddy but have clear use cases. What really sets this conlang apart, though, is the consideration paid to the effect of prestige languages. Some phonemes are restricted to loanwords from the local prestige language, and one is even only confined to prestige language-educated speakers, which causes some allophony other speakers don't have. Loaning processes are detailed, too, and the number and classifier system also draws nice lines along the prestige axis with a total of 3 parallel number systems, spread out across both divisions of native vs. loaned classifiers, which themselves have specific semantic domains they each classify, and across divisions of prestige language education. The story at the end, too, is a real treat: it's a translation of Hindu vulture myth, perfect for this project.
Seba Bàsa's Gyps-inspired phonology includes the development of creaky voice from the loss of glottals, glottalised consonants, and final /s/ in Old Cham to recall vulture cries. It's inspired lexicon includes some fun polysemy of vulture behaviours like circling = waiting or sheepling = looking for something desirable. I'm also a big fan of kite (the bird) = messy eater. It's inspired conceptual metaphors include dividing the beginning, middle, and end of a process into eating skin, meat, and bones, respectively, and equating head height/position with one's health or comfortableness as inspired by how vultures droop their heads when ill.
We're starting off string with double brownie points for meeting both the space epic easter egg by calquing the Ewokese word for 'outsider' and the empress easter egg by referring to Buddha's Birthday!
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Kogëdek by u/Porpoise_God

Setonix & Macropodidae more generally (quokkas + kangaroos & wallabies); Noongar, Pitjantjatjara, Wajarri, Guugu Yimithirr, Miriwoong, Guniyandi, Dyirbal, Mbabaram
Aside from the one splant you'll soon see, I think this entry gets the prize for the most unique chosen clade by being A) not a bird, and B) not an ungulate. As great as birds are, quokkas are pretty amazing, too. I'm not too familiar with Pama-Nyungan languages but this did a good job of affecting some of the features I've come to know them for, including but not limited to the phonological natural classes of peripheral vs. coronal, coverb constructions, and the word for 'dog' bearing a striking similarity to English. Split-ergativity features across the noun-pronoun axis, and there's a unique set of duals that specifically refer to sibling, parent-child, or spousal pairs of individuals that I might have to steal for myself. The case marking includes a lative case I haven't seen before, and implicates the comitative in a neat way in comparative constructions. I also appreciate the what-looks-to-be resumptive subject pronominal proclitics; very speedlang 18, and a great example of a fossilised mistake, which I always love to see! The verbs also feature multiple conjugations, and the imperative is implicated for its tenselessness in certain subclause constructions, which has a certain type of quirkiness I'd expect out of some past speedlang challenges.
Kogëdek's Setonix-inspired phonology included a /ç/ in the proto-lang, which bears some resemblance to quokka calls, although it was lost to /s/ and /x/ in the modern language. The inspired lexical entries include roots for different kinds of macropods and styles of jumping, and conflates jumping with breathing. Some of the idioms include "pouch-baby" for pejorative "mama's-boy" and using kangaroo badassery as a metaphor for all sorts of less than ideal situations.
Brownie points for a particularly insidious word-form for 'father'.
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Yatakang by Lichen

Bubalus (water buffaloes); Hindi-Urdu, Thai, Vietnamese, Khmer, Burmese, Malay
This one's a little rough around the edges, but it's a good foundation for a nice mix of both SEA features, like the isolating morphosyntax, and unique features, like the class agreement system. It's also got clicks limited to avoidance speech! Diachronics from a proto-lang where considered, and I really like how the typologies of the inspo langs were used as targets for the sound changes. I'll have to keep this workflow in mind! Some of the sound changes include expanding the number of stop contrasts to match the average number of contrasts, or eroding the number of vowels to match that of Malay. Phonotactics were carefully considered with full structures for both mono- and disyllables as well as bare roots vs. compound stems. Grammatically, morphology is mostly limited to a host of different reduplication patterns, which in itself is something I'd really like to see more of! Where this really shines, though, is with its agreement system: nouns are sorted into a 3x2 matrix of 6 classes, portmanteau agreement particles mark for the class of both the subject and the object, the system implicates the social hierarchies common to many SEA languages, and the position of the particle marks modality. Incredibly inspired to pack all that into a set of maybe 36 particles, if you ask me, never mind how it helps to disambiguate fluid word class and how it might be implicated in future plans for Indonesian object-oriented verbs. I'm also a fan of how the temporal question verb patterns like an agreement particle to mark for tense by co-opting the modality marking. We also get some prosody-syntax interfacing with different pitch contours at clause boundaries operating as different sorts of conjunctions.
Yatakang's Bubalus-inspired phonology includes a combination of creaky voice and syllabic nasals to affect a mooing phonaesthetic. The lexical entries exhibit some nice semantic drift from water buffalo activities and behaviours towards more human behaviours, and the planned phrase of hat-hand stroke fur for "suddenly realise a problem, and then pretend there isn't one" just feels exactly like an observation a water buffalo would make observing its human, which I really like. The inspired metaphors are also simple and straightforward, likening roundedness to goodness or knowledge to food, which makes for some brilliantly idiomatic language like "I ate the book" to mean "I read and understood the contents of the book."
Extra brownie points for including both halves of the space epic easter egg to placate both sides of nerddom; the term 'tax-man' is everything it ought to be.
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Kurikiri by Jjommoma

Casuariiformes (cassowaries and emus); Dhuwal, Motu, Tok Pisin
Compared to most other entries, this one's very short and sweet with some Australian sounds and some head-final Papuan grammar (however loose a description that is). That being said, Kurikiri is very inventive in being partially signed with much of its grammatical marking encoded by actions done with the foot, including number, case, definiteness, and some basic TAM.
Aside from the cassowary foot action grammar markers, as well as some lexical entries there-related, Kurikiri also equates flightedness to being ostentatious, disdaining flighted birds out of envy, which I think is a fun thought process for these terrestrially confined birds. There's also some neat phonosemantics in the taboo word for predator being especially difficult to pronounce.
This wasn't the intent, but I'm giving some space epic brownie points for the foot grammar if for nothing else than that it reminds me of Paul Frommer's Thark from John Carter and its telepathic grammatical and verbal lexical expression.
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Whaynisiday by u/Fimii

Spheniscidae (penguins); Māori, Xhosa, Quechua
What do you do when the entire population of penguins achieves human-like levels of intelligence after some gene splicing and they start calling for a language to call their own? Why, you do exactly what the prompt of this challenge asks for and combine the languages native to the homeland of the blue, african, and humboldt penguins! The write up for this conlang does a great job of pointing out what features are from which language exactly, and plays a fun balancing game between some of the phonological and grammatical extremes in its sourcelangs. In so doing it has a few quirks that really tickle the intersection of my linguist and conlanger venn diagram, specifically the presence of what I'd have to interpret as onset morae, as well as semantic noun class marked solely through agreement (which is very Varamm, so I'm not at all biased towards it). There's a handful of fun, rare cases, and the simulative mood fits right into the inspirations for the last challenge to create some vaguely Tupian simultaneous actions. There's a bunch more little grammatical bits that are fun, but impressionistically I appreciate how the more isolating grammar of Māori was incorporated into the synthetic common ground of the other 2 sourcelangs.
Whaynisiday's Spheniscidae-inspired phonology includes a couple syringeal sounds to complement the otherwise human capable inventory. The highlighted lexical entries pay special attention to how penguins locomote with basic stems for different kinds of movement options both on land and in the water, as well as a split in breathing for whether its on land at rest or in the water being active. The conceptual metaphors include a great model of time with the past on land and the future in the inky depths, and the very adorable notion that safety = community, and so naturally a farewell would be a wish of friendship.
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Poro by The Inky Baroness

Rangifer tarandus subsp. (domestic reindeers); Proto-Samic, Komi-Zyrian, Tundra Nenets, Chukchi
Where do I even begin with this one? I was excited to read this one when I first received it, but it was even better than I could have hoped when I got round to reading it! Although, not for any linguistic reasons: the first half of the doc reminds me of Gillian Teft's Anthro-Vision as an anthropological account of reindeers written by a fictitious Finnish researcher rather than any sort of sketched reference grammar, which I love dearly. The latter half, meanwhile, goes into great detail about what went into the first half, including all sorts of motivations or reasons for the decisions made. Some diachrony is detailed, as well as the effects of language contact rooted in actual historical events relevant to the chosen sourcelangs, which is just great to see. I loved the ways in which each of the different sourcelangs were all represented in the final product with it being Samic in origin but including some phonological and grammatical borrowings from Komi and Nenets like the lack of consonant gradation, the verb-final syntax, some vowel changes, and a fantastic predestinative affix that interacts with the conceptualisation of time in some neat ways. All the while, care was taken to do a wealth of research at every step in the process with a fairly extensive bibliography. Hoof clicks all around for this one!
Poro's Rangifer-inspired phonology includes a deer bellow as some sort of epiglottal obstruent that actually patterns with the Nenets glottal stop, as well as some other approximated reindeer vocalisations including what I presume to be grunts or chuffs, both oral and nasal. Care was also taken to think about what a fully reindeerised descendant of Proto-Samic would look like as accords with the included etiological myth for reindeers and reindeer husbandry, but this was well beyond the scope of a speedlang. The lexical entries include all sorts of terms for reindeer physiology, including but not limited to antler velvet, different types of vocalisations, and hoof clicks. These lexical entries feature in some wonderful idioms using antlers to describe social hierarchy, useful- or uselessness, and glibness or malicious intent, as well as an equivalent to "when pigs fly": "to catch a bird between one's hooves."
Extra brownie points both for the nominal hierarchical exaltation of mothers baked into reindeer culture and inclusion of an anti-imperialist message in promoting the research of the under-represented and often stigmatised language and culture of traditionally reindeer herding peoples. Also do keep an eye out for Dr. Dolittle easter eggs: Inky will reward you handsomely if you can spot one!
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Kiwi by NerpNerp

Apteryx & Novaeratitae more broadly (kiwis + cassowaries & emus); English, Māori, Traditional Tiwi, Miriwoong, Bardi
Given the number of bird entries with Indo-Pacific flavours, I'm almost half surprised this was the only kiwi entry: they're such good birbs! As might be expected, this conlang endeared itself to me just as its namesake does. The phonology has all sorts of trills and rhotics, and limits itself to high vowels; it's also got some neat phrase level prosody to mark different sorts of modal information and focus, even including an intrusive glottal stop at the sentence level. Noun incorporation is varied and detailed, and can create some polysynthetic constructions as a consequence of just how exactly the rest of the otherwise fairly analytic morphosyntax works. I'm a particular fan of the deictic categories including 7 different degrees of deixis characterising both distance and motion, and I'm also a fan of of the grammaticalised time of day. Heximal numbers and coverb constructions also feature. There's even a kiwi-capable featural alphabet that each of the examples show off!
Kiwi's Apteryx-inspired phonology includes the trills and high vowels being inspired by kiwi calls and I imagine a little of their anatomy with those long, thin bills. The inspired lexemes include specific types of smells humans can't detect at the expense of any colour terms, reflecting kiwis nocturnal, smell-based lifestyles. The idioms for "a long time ago" or "once upon a time" is absolutely delightful--"when kiwis flew"--and the grammaticalised time of day subdivides the night but not the day, as might be expected from a nocturnal beastie.
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Asamiin by Christian Evans

Asamina (pawpaws); Ottawa, Unami, Tuscarora, Mikasuki, Chitimacha, Timucua
The speech that nourishes! And a splant, too, no less; I was hoping for at least one of these! This one's made all the better by delving into some Eastern North American languages and I really like the flavours this lends itself to. Syncope is abound with all sorts of morphological obfuscation through detailed phonological processes, and animacy plays a key role in the verb complex. Care was also taken to find a phonological common ground between all the sourcelangs, which made for a really interesting set of vowels with a basic 6 vowel inventory, but with 2 nasal vowels that can surface as vocalic allophones to the nasal consonants. The grammar is fairly straightforward but has a few quirks that I really appreciate, including but not limited to the fluid O placement to make for some syntactic focusing strategies I so adore and the optional, enclitic case marking narrowed by various postpositions used as another, separate means of focus. Overall just really well laid out and the formatting is really cute, something I've now come to expect after Yumpịku last time.
Asamiin's Asamina-inspired phonology includes a pharyngeal approximant to recall the really long taproot pawpaws grow, as well as regressive sibilant harmony to recall the mimicry the flowers employ to attract pollinators, both of which are some really inspired departures from the sourcelangs.
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Ekaangäq by Atyx

Haliaeetus pelagicus (Steller's sea eagle); Chukchi, Alyutor, Koryak, Itelmen, Ainu, Nivkh, Evenki, Uilta
A bird that escapes any Indo-Pacific flavours? Well I'll be! Instead of South Pacific this one gives all sorts of North Pacific energy being spoken by a population of eaglefolk native to the Sea of Okhotsk and representative of the languages spoken along its coasts. The Ainu flavours are especially strong with both an Ainu-based consonant inventory and a kana orthography, among others. The vowels also show some interesting lopsidedness with 2 creaky vowels complementing an otherwise fairly straightforward 6 vowel system that feature in a front-back vowel harmony system, though I'm a real fan of the sandhi rules at word boundaries that cause all sorts of fun consonant alternations. Word stress is also detailed and has funky placement rules at odds with my understanding of theoretical prosodic processes! Grammatically there's a few quirks that really stand out to me and tickle my curiosity: a dual distinction on the nouns but not in the pronouns, and polypersonal agreement in a transitive alignment system, the only departure from direct, accusative, and/or ergative alignment in this round of submissions. I also appreciate some of the syncretism in the pronouns!
Ekkangäq's Haliaeetus-inspired phonology includes entirely unrounded vowels and a lack of any labial consonants to reflect the speakers have beaks, as well as the 2 creaky vowels as rooted in their physiology, a common theme for this challenge. The lexicon includes some distinctions between diving and eating as it applies to different kinds of prey. The conceptual metaphor, though, I think is really great equating the passage of time with ice: an iceberg calving off a glacier is birth, melting is ageing, and melting all away is dying. Great stuff!
I think I actually have to give negative brownie points for this one: as much as I appreciate 3 separate orthographies (Kana, Cyrillic, Latin) for some historicity, they are all at odds with the anti-imperialism the brownie criterion requires, and there's no girl power to balance it out.
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Taqồpaq by accruenewblue

Gallus (jungefowl); Hindi-Urdu, Burmese, Thai, Punjabi, Tamil, Indonesian
I'm a little surprised this is, I think, the only truly tonal submission despite all the SEA birds, and it's less synthetic than most in this round of submissions. In either case, this one does a great job of illustrating some tonogenesis and some recent and still very transparent synthetic developments from a formerly isolating language. The tones are simple registers, but they interact with morae in some neat rightwards reassigning sandhi patterns, and they complement a system of 12 vowels in a 3x2x2 matrix of height, frontedness, and roundedness. There's even some vocalic nasal allophones (which is twice now in this round of submissions), and labial consonant-vowel harmony to boot! Grammatically I greatly appreciate all the call-outs for similarities to natural languages, and I wanna shout-out the use of a positive tag question instead of negative. The numbers have this funky sexagesimal base with an octal sub-base and remnants of an old decimal sub-base, which recalls some of the duodecimal remnants in the otherwise decimal system of many European languages.
Taqồpaq's Gallus-inspired phonology includes the tonal system being described as recalling a rooster's crow. The lexicon includes roots for all things chicken, including using the word for 'wattle' as a classifier for hanging things, which is so delightfully what I wanted out of this challenge. The more idiomatic language makes use of chicken behaviours as descriptors: dust baths are metaphors for something useful but not everyone's cup of tea, and continuing to brood after the chicks have hatched is a metaphor for doing a good thing so long it has negative consequences.
Extra brownie points for exalting queen Trưng, first queen of Vietnam, and a nationalist hero who fought against Chinese imperialism. Double whammy right there!
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Ngālin by u/borago_officinalis

Aptenodytes forsteri (emperor penguins); Awabakal, Māori, Norwegian
We already had a penguin splang but this one's a nice twist by focusing on the territorial claims of Antarctica rather than the ranges of more temperate inclined penguins where there are actually native languages. This does a great job of shirking the indigenous implication in the language selection step of the challenge (although I'm very glad to see no English or Spanish), so there's a really neat mix of isolating Māori particles with a fusional Germanic verbal system, and I was able to easily pick up on both reading through the doc. The verb system actually pleases me greatly with a strong/weak contrast and a V2 word order wherein the strong verbs mark tense through stem change and the weak verbs with a tense auxiliary, all whilst maintaining a very Polynesian aesthetic despite the very Germanic number of vowels. The Māori possessive system is also really fun, I think. I can't speak to the Awabakal influences, but I was able to pick up on the one, tiny Mapudungan influence of tone tag particles before it was even explicitly mentioned! Not sure where the negation system came from, but it implicates the weak verbs in a way I so adore. Really sweet, despite the fun grim facts about emperor penguin hatchlings, and I found this one just darling. The myth at the end about how penguins lost their ability to fly is also real treat and is a perfect fit for the project.
Ngālin doesn't have any A. forsteri-inspired phonology, but it makes up for it with the inspired lexicon and idiomatic language. The emperor penguin breeding cycle is detailed with translations for all the important terms along the way, including but not limited to the ritual of transferring egg from mother to father and "motherless" to refer to a newborn, whose mother hasn't yet returned from the sea. There's some great, everyday idioms elided down from full phrases for greeting and consoling another penguin being "which way?" and "next year", and conceptualising a long distance as specifically the distance from colony to see is a nice touch. I also appreciate how the relationship between creche-mates is more important than that between (half-)siblings.
I have to give queen exaltation brownie points purely for the one illustrative example of āmā o pipa "hatchling's mum" grammatically indicating the senior authority of an empress penguin.
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Honourable Mention

I've been kept somewhat apprised of a Urile (North Pacific cormorants) splang by u/PastTheStarryVoids. It's still very much in the works, but it sounds funky with both some polysynthetic flavours, no doubt inspired by some PNW languages, I imagine, and some formorant (cormorant formant) analysis! Keep an eye out for it, I'm sure it'll grace the sub in due time!
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And that's everything I've seen in the time I put together this showcase. I know there were a few among you all who felt inspired but couldn't put anything together during the course of this challenge. I remember mention of a banana and a tree kangaroo splang on the announcement post. If anyone ever uses the challenge to inspire a future project of theirs, please keep me apprised! I'd be interested in seeing them if for nothing else than to see some more projects outside of South Asian and Oceanian birds, as great as those birbs are. I can't believe I didn't see a single monotreme or non-ungulate eutherian, and that there weren't any non-avian reptiles or anything fully aquatic! And no fossil clades, too, for that matter! I'm positive there are the makings of some really funky splangs if the relevant modern continental and climactic boundaries didn't yet exist.
In any case, I hope all parties involved had a great deal of fun through the course of this challenge! I know I did! Until next marrow, bonelickers!

hi everyone! im a uplb student and i took this course which is a group dependent one. at first i was ok with my groupmates (we are 6 sa group pinakamadami sa section namin) until further into the semester when they stop being cooperative and everything. note lang po na halos 6 papers lang ang needed in order to pass the lab portion. halos ako na gumawa ng papers (except for the 5th bcs we assigned other ppl to do it) but i still included the names of those who did not contribute: 1) not the type of person to remove names just bcs ayaw ko mahirapan sila 2) ayaw ko ng issue sa college dept namin 3) i know na all of us has issue so im not that harsh on missing out sa contribution (basta makabawi and makapasa sa course)
so long story short. since honor comes first before excellency. i still waited for their input sa remaining papers even though lagpas na sa deadline. just for it to be declined by our professor (isa pa tong problematic prof but thats another story) TAPOS na INC pa ako. gumastos ako nang malaki on this course kasi we needed an output. hindi ko na sila siningil. all i ask for is cooperation and i only got it when huli na ang lahat. nakaka sad lang… if u were thinking na bakit di na lang ako mag solo, its hard to do a paper when its a group paper workload. kinda hard to do considering i have a lot of papers sa ibang courses.
idk why being this considerate led me to more hardships. mali ba ako na nag intay sa groupmates ko??

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The reason for my preference towards Indians is because at my previous university in Northern Virginia I was able to join it's Indian Student Association when they had a booth at a club rush event I stumbled upon one night before my statistics class. They said they took anyone so I joined wanting to see and enjoy a new culture. I really enjoyed doing stuff there and made great friends and almost got an internship thanks to one of my friends I made there...... then I got news that I would be moving again with my parents which made me sad, that is a story for anyone who wants to hear it another time.
For hobbies I enjoy playing PC games, (such as Helldivers 2, Paladins, Cyberpunk 2077, RTS games, etc.. and always willing to try new games) board games, cooking, and trying new foods (especially Indian food since I love spicy foods). One thing to note with my eating, I am not vegetarian, though I do not mind vegetarians and am willing to do that sort of thing around family if need be, though I have mushroom and peanut allergies. I have been learning Hindi on Duolingo. In my free time I like to take pictures and am highly interested in photography. I do not smoke/or vape and I drink socially and mix cocktails. I like walking, hiking, window shopping, traveling and snuggling. While I have no issues with someone who is Hindu and such, however unless your family is okay with someone who is Catholic like me I would prefer if someone is either Christian or Catholic. Just to avoid potential family disagreements and drama.
As for what I know about Indian culture, I only saw a couple of Bollywood films Bhool Bhulaiyaa and Jab We Met. I am really interested in watching more Bollywood films and learning trivia about the actresses and actors. I am aware of Salman Khan’s crazy antics for example. Another Bollywood film I would want to watch is RRR and Yeh Jawani Hai Deewani. I would love to watch it with someone and learn more about it. I do get to see some stuff about it on twitter from some accounts I follow but I don’t really understand it much. Many of the actors and actresses I hear come up are Rajinikanth, Sri Devi, Deepika Padukone, Ranveer Singh, and Keerthi Suresh. Again I am willing to learn more about all the interesting details about Bollywood and such. I am familiar with some parts of Indian history like the Kargil War, the recent farmers protest and the horrific Goan Inquisition. I would like to start out slow as a casual acquaintance and test the waters with someone. I’m not comfortable rushing headfirst into a relationship and I understand that neither would you, so being friends first is a must. I really want to get to know someone so that we can both be compatible. I am somewhat open to long distance relationships so whether you are from India, UK, etc don't be discouraged to hmu. But I would prefer someone already in the U.S. Lastly I don't want someone who'll waste my time. I don't like being led on and dumped out out the blue. Please be serious and committed.
I can talk on reddit though I like talking off reddit. Contact me anytime if you are feeling the same way about finding a life long partner and feel free to ask me any questions. :)

this is a long read because i’ve been holding all of this inside since the beginning of the year and will probably delete this. i’m a young soon-to-be mom, fresh in my 20’s, just the typical story of getting pregnant at an age that is way too early.
i was on contraceptives as soon as i started becoming active with my then partner because my ex would always change the topic whenever i would bring up using protection so as much as i didn’t want to be on hormonal pills i took it upon myself to be responsible for both of our safety, yet somehow i ended up pregnant.
i’ve had my fair share of guys i used to talk to but none of them were ever serious, he was my first everything, and i mean everything talaga. first boyfriend, first guy na i introduced to my family, first kiss, guy who took my virginity, and first person that i genuinely loved not out of loneliness or a need for connection.
we were together for 11 months, oo hindi umabot ng isang taon because he cheated. we got into an argument that day and it was really heated pero we resolved it naman, i don’t know what the fuck went into his head para mag sinungaling sakin and sabihin na aalis sila ng kaibigan niya and iinom sila pero yun pala bar na pinuntahan nila and he approached a girl na he was attracted to while i was messaging him in the middle of the night waiting until dawn for an update from him. he did all of that while i had no idea, a day passed and it was new years, he made all of these promises na sana makasama pa niya ko ng matagal and for more years together pero nagloko pala siya the night before so it was all a lie. a few days passed again and after not seeing each other for a week and finally getting to spend time together he suddenly wanted to break up with me.
ayaw na niya daw ng responsibilidad pero he wants us to be ‘bff’ premium, no label with the perks of being in a relationship, fuck buddies. of course i didn’t know any better, mahal ko yung tao eh edi pumayag ako pero we both had an agreement na we will still try to fix things. it was tormenting, constant mixed signals from him and tsaka ko nalang nalaman na kinakausap niya yung babae he met sa bar pero he never admitted na he cheated on me with the same girl. i got blindsided while i gave up my self-respect and let him use me just because i was still in love with him kasi he wanted us to still be friends, he said i was a big impact in his life and that he still wanted me beside him. i was still hoping na our relationship was going to be fixed.
i wasn’t sober the first month of this year, tangina ikaw ba naman hiwalayan wala pa man isang linggo lumilipas yung bagong taon tapos ang lapit na sana ng anniversary niyo. and because of my alcohol consumption i eventually blacked out sa bar at my friend’s birthday celebration at the end of january after drinking way too many shots and got rushed sa hospital, and as if the breakup i was dealing with wasn’t enough i found out na i was almost 2 months pregnant with my ex’s baby.
i didn’t have a choice whether i can keep the baby or not, so much for being pro-choice bc that decision was snatched away from me by my mom. of course hindi ako ready, hindi kami ready ng pamilya ko, pero ano bang magagawa namin kung hindi tanggapin nalang kung ano yung nangyare? nagkamali ako so i should own up for what i did, pero hindi lang naman ako yung magisang nagkamali dito. so after being discharged from the hospital, my mother contacted my ex to talk to him and we eventually told him na i was pregnant since the beginning of december and we just found out lang when i got hospitalized. sabi naman niya sasabihin niya kaagad sa mommy niya, since he’s from a broken family the only person he could really tell was his mom.
a few days passed and i messaged and asked him for an update, he then got mad at me and started blaming me for everything and sinusumbat niya na hindi siya ready and paano daw siya kukuha ng pang sustento para sa bata, he eventually told his mom tapos nagusap mga magulang namin. my dad asked him to not communicate or chat me muna since they knew na he is the number one reason for all of the stress i was feeling. his family’s side didn’t know whether to tell his dad or not because natatakot silang tigilan siyang pagaralin, pero my family reassured naman na it’s up to them if they’ll tell his dad and that if may support man silang mabibigay tatanggapin namin kung anong kaya nilang ibigay samin, because at the end of the day ayaw namin umabot na tumigil siyang magaral.
after my hospitalization and our family’s conversation i eventually told my friends nung naka-pasok na ulit ako sa school, they were shocked of course pero they showed their full support, my ex got word na i told my friends then he contacted me saying na wala na daw siya sa picture kapag kumalat na buntis ako, of course i took offense sa sinabe niya bc he was specifically asked not to contact me for the time being pero he still went against my parents’ wishes just to show his ‘concern’, things got heated yet again and we had another argument which resulted in him saying na hinding hindi na daw siya babalik sakin and gaslighted me na he didn’t cheat on me (he still didn’t admit it) and i was not able to go to school again because of the stress.
pinalipas ko yung araw and kinapalan ko na mukha ko na mag beg sakanya na bumalik na siya pero siya yung namimilit na ayaw na daw ng parents ko na magbalikan kami, then i started bleeding heavily and almost lost our baby. what happened wasn’t enough na mabukas utak pati mati niya, my mom had a one-on-one conversation with him where nagmamakaawa na siyang buksan niya isip niya para samin ni baby and that she had to clear the air na inaantay niya lang na balikan niya ko pero that was also not enough kaya we just stopped trying.
kada linggo may nababalitaan nalang ako na nasa bar siya, di talaga enough na i was still processing our breakup and coming to terms with my pregnancy, literal na every fucking week may nalalaman akong ayokong malaman. from different girls, to different bars, from stories galing mismo sa mga kaibigan niya, umabot pa sa point na hindi ko na nakayanan and decided to dropout from college and because of that my friend told his friends about what was happening and madami pa kong nalaman literal na di na naubos mga nalaman ko. i got tired and took matters into my own hands and informed the people he would go to bars with about my situation bc i’ve had enough of hearing abt him na nagpapakasaya habang nagdudusa ako magisa.
there was drama where my name got involved and he got mad at me because of it. then i confronted the girl he was talking to while we were trying to fix things, the girl he cheated on me with. after months of being gaslit and questioning myself if i was delusional i finally got the confirmation na i needed, na he truly did cheat on me. he lied to his friends about when we actually broke up, he lied to me about the reason he wanted to break up was because he wanted to focus on himself, he lied about everything.
i confronted him as soon as i found out he cheated, of course another useless argument between us, him saying na “masaya ka na ba dahil may nalaman ka” and like as if that wasn’t enough sinabe pa niya na nagdedecide pa daw sana siya na balikan ako kaso hindi na daw, it really pisses me off how he has the audacity na ipamukha niya sakin na sinira ko chances namin na magkaayos ulit kami when he ignored my messages during the times i still knew nothing and i was asking if we can try again, and how he literally ignored how my mom was practically begging him to fix things between us. like as if that wasn’t enough, his mom has to shoulder HIS responsibilities, from expenses ko sa pagbubuntis ko whenever i have my monthly checkups, to setting appointments for ultrasounds na hindi naman niya trabaho pero siya gumagawa all while having not a single clue about sa mga pinanggagawa niya.
nag lay low ako after that, i was beginning to be filled with rage. syempre nag greet pa si gago nung birthday ko despite ignoring all of my messages calling him out on his bullshit because he started another argument with me, na parang wala lang akong chats sakanya kaya ayos lang na i-greet niya pero di ko nalang pinansin.
i have been seeing a psychiatrist and a psychologist since my hospitalization and was diagnosed with BPD, MDD, and bipolar-ii shortly after, although i cannot go through therapy as of the moment bc i know na we can’t afford it and ayoko nang dumagdag ng dumagdag given the situation my family is in. my doctor’s appointments were rescheduled to an earlier date because of the instances na sumasakit puson ko and he eventually reached out because napansin niya na hindi namin sila binalitaan about sa check-up ko. i told him to just tell his mom to contact my mom because i was already getting tired of communicating with him.
his mom eventually messaged me and asked what was causing me so much stress, i told her na i’ll tell her the next time we see each other and we both agreed. kaso wala eh, nung susunod na check-up ko yung ex ko lang sumulpot which is the first time na sumulpot siya sa lahat ng check ups ko so far, at first i didn’t think much of it kasi gusto daw ni tita na gawin ng anak niya responsibilidad niya kaya pinapunta niya magisa, even though we both agreed to see each other that day and talk. di ko nalang dinibdib, di ko nalang pinansin, pero my ex was starting to post regularly on his socmed accounts again. and i got really triggered seeing him live his life like everything was normal. i asked my mom if i can just chat his mom nalang about everything, she agreed na its the right thing to do since di sinunod ng mommy niya pinagusapan namin and so i told her every single thing that happened and everything i found out na she had no idea about.
the next morning my good for nothing ex messaged me and blocked me on almost everything, of course dahil ang kapal ng pag mumukha niya, he thought the reason why i told his mom was because i assumed na he had a girlfriend because of his stories on insta. he then suddenly started explaining himself na ate lang daw yun ng tropa niya and what not, pati mom niya nagchat sakin na inexplain daw ng anak niya na kapatid lang daw yun ng tropa niya, which made me very confused kasi i didn’t mention anything about him having a new girl. he then suddenly started saying na we wouldn’t work out anymore because the situation we’re in was toxic, and that he wouldn’t apologize after everything because he knows na i will always bring up what happened daw …
the cycle always repeats itself, i had to go back to the hospital again for an emergency checkup because sumakit nanaman puson ko after what happened. his mom accompanied my mom and i and we had a long discussion about everything. she kept insisting na her son will eventually change, all while telling us how hard its been on her part because she doesn’t know how to tell her ex-husband because they are not on good terms nor do they speak to each other, di naman daw siya nagkukulang na pagsabihan ex ko na gawin na niya yung tama, he grew up in a broken family and she does not want him to put our baby in the same position, she keeps urging him not to do the same thing his father did to her and their family.
after all of that i contacted him, kasi at this point i have nothing to lose anymore, literal na walang wala na ko. and i decided to give him the benefit of the doubt kasi naaawa ako sa dinadala ng mommy niya. i suggested na mas maganda if we talk in person kung anong balak niya para sa future ng anak namin and he agreed naman, he said through chat na at the moment he is committed in giving our baby a good life while supporting me so i had a bit of hope and expected something out of the conversation. we met up during my CAS appointment and finally had a conversation na we should’ve had months ago pero it lead to disappointment lang. wala nanaman, walang wala nanaman, he doesn’t want to try again, he doesn’t have any desire to try again, he doesn’t want to apologize, nor does he want to hold himself accountable for the all of the trauma and pain he put me through simply because i will have trust issues if we got back together, na lagi nalang daw akong magdududa, na mahirap na daw ayusin, na maapektuhan lang anak namin if we ever argue, that he had no feelings left for me. i asked him kung ano na ba nagawa niya to change the situation i’m in and syempre wala siyang masagot, i mentioned how he said na he was ‘committed’ to giving our baby a good life and what he means or plans to do and wala siyang masagot, i asked how he plans to ‘support’ me and he said na if busy ako i could just drop off our baby sakanila so he can look after her and napa-wtf nalang ako kasi ganun ba kababaw idea niya sa ‘support’. i asked kung ano ng na-contribute niya other than pain and stress and straight up sabi niya wala pa, ang dami niyang ginagastos which i see online and tinanong ko magkano na naambag sa pag bubuntis ko or para sa mga gamit ni baby and syempre nganga lang siya. and siya pa nagtanong bakit daw ako nag-expect, which is so off-putting kasi i am entitled to have expectations concerning our child and what he plans for our future?
it didn’t matter na i told him i was willing to forgive him for everything he has done so our baby can grow knowing that both of her parents are there together. it literally did not matter na i was willing to set aside our differences and make things work out between us and change what needs to be changed. none of it matters to him, and i have never felt so much rage and anger before in my 20 years of living because of his half-assed answer and sincerity. i have lost everything, from the reputation i built up in school, to the dreams i have to let go of, the opportunity to seek out the world, the chance to meet new people. maybe it is selfish for me to want to have a family after basically losing everything i built from the ground up, maybe it is selfish of me to want him to change and break the cycle. maybe it is selfish for me to want to raise my baby with someone beside me.
walang araw na hindi ko naaalala lahat ng nangyare, walang araw na hindi ko narerelive yung moment na nalaman kong niloko ako, walang araw na hindi ako diring-diri sa sarili ko pati sa katawan ko because for some reason i feel ‘used’ and ‘dirty’. i am in so much pain that i haven’t fully processed all while carrying a baby. i’ve tried just about everything to distract myself and keep my mind off from thinking about what happened to me. hindi ko na alam kung anong gagawin ko sa sarili ko. i don’t know where to put all of this pain and anger inside of me, i don’t know kung paano ako babangon at paano ko tutulungan sarili ko dahil ginawa ko na lahat pero bakit bumibigat lang habang tumatagal?
i love my baby, i love the fact that i am about to meet someone new, someone i could pour out my love to and yet i am so afraid. i’m afraid na i’ll be a bad mom, i’m afraid of raising this child alone, the amount of guilt that i have bottled inside me is eating me up. because why? why do i have to go through all of this? why do i have to feel this immense amount of pain in the most vulnerable stage of my life as a woman? why do i have to go through hell while carrying my baby? my baby doesn’t deserve to feel the pain that i feel, my baby doesn’t deserve any of this and neither do i. i want to feel genuinely happy about this whole situation, but whenever i see posts online about pregnancy announcements, gender reveals, couples celebrating together for the life they created i can’t help but compare them to myself.
ayoko na ganto nalang nararamdaman ko, ayoko na hindi pa man nakakalabas anak ko nakakaramdam na siya ng sakit pati lungkot sa loob ng tiyan ko. this journey has been so fucking painful, how destroyed my self-confidence and self-esteem is, to feeling digusted by my own body and anything sexual, trying to deal with my mental disorders, to constantly having anxiety and ptsd, to being a lethargic mess because of pre-natal depression all while having to worry about the wellbeing of my baby and what the future holds for the both of us. it hurts seeing someone live their life like they didn’t cause irreparable trauma against someone, it pains to see how my baby’s father doesn’t seem to be excited or seem to care as much as i do. i can’t get over how unfair this situation has been, i know nothing in life is fair but what in the actual fuck kasi literal na ako lang talo dito, he can keep running, he can keep avoiding everything, seeing him live his life like he didn’t get his only ex pregnant, i keep seeing his posts about buying and selling expensive perfume online and him just pumping protein into his muscles in the gym using his mom’s money, hit up other girls, he can even switch universities and start over again which is a new issue i have to worry about because to me it seems like he doesn’t want to be associated with anything that ties us together and there’s the possibility of having to wait another 4 fucking years for him to be ‘applicable’ to pay child support since he’s still a student. he keeps getting away with everything and it has been frustrating to see him get his way and get what he wants all the fucking time habang di man niya cinoconsider wellbeing namin mag-ina.
i wish moving on and letting go was easy as it sounds, i wish i could forget about everything so i can carry this child in peace, i wish i wasn’t filled with anger and resentment because i hate it, i hate wanting to see him suffer as much as i am, i hate how i’m wishing the worse for him because this is not who i am. i’ve turned into someone so evil and spiteful and the fact that i can’t fully cut him off from my life because of different factors such as our families and our child’s right to meet her father. i wish in some other universe i am able to nurture my child inside my womb without having to cry my soul out almost everyday, that i could have been put in a better situation so my baby does not have to feel sadness and pain. i am not the perfect person, nor have i made the right decisions in life, my actions have led me to where i am right now yet do i really deserve all of this? will it ever get easier, i really need to know if it’ll eventually get easier kasi pigang-piga na ko. all i could ever wish for as a woman and as a mother is to be able to provide my child with a family and an environment that she deserves to be born and grow up in, lahat nalang pinagdaanan ko pero bakit pati yun pinagkakitaan samin, i will forever be stuck asking myself why my baby and i weren’t enough.

Hello lovely people,
Hope you are all doing well. Thanks to u/ExploringLearning for the template.
This is my first post on cf4cf on this sub. I am looking for a child free partner and this is how I would describe myself.
About myself:

1. Age and Height: 26 and 5'11"
2. Gender: Male
3. State/City: I come from the state of Tripura. I am a Bengali and my work location is in Kolkata, and in future I wish to stay in any metro cities.
4. Language: I speak Bengali, Hindi and English.
5. Diet: My diet is mostly fish and vegetarian. However I would like to reduce my dependency on food that actually harm the environment.
6. Alcohol: I don't smoke and don't drink.
7. Religion: I believe when the basic core idea of religion first emerged, it was beautiful. But people distorted its true meaning. I prefer not to believe in God at the moment. I only found two spiritual teachers appealing, and they are Osho and Krishnamurti. And I am still figuring out what I want to believe in. But there is a common overlap between spirituality and psychology and that is self-knowledge. Now that I would like to keep chasing my whole life.
8. Political Views: I used to be apolitical. But now I realize politics and government does play a role into what kind of life I live. So at the moment I am doing my research regarding it.
9. Personality Type: I lean towards introversion. But I don't have problem with socializing. I can be an extrovert if I want to although it can be tiring. I feel refreshed by reading a book or deeply working on a problem.
10. CareeFuture Plans: I am most curious about Artificial Intelligence, love my current job and I would like to continue my future in this field. I burnt lots of bridges to get into this field.
11. Hobbies and Interests: My number one hobby is AI. My curiosity never ends about it. Other than that I love reading Jugian Psychology, Environmental Sciences, playing chess, reading related to various things. I am also learning swimming at the moment.
12. Lifestyle and Health: I truly believe in "Health is Wealth" and try to maintain an active and healthy lifestyle. I go to the gym, but I am mostly into body exercises. I was a competitive sprinter in college and even managed to place in the top 10, which was a proud achievement for me.
13. Pets: I like animals and I have empathy for them, but from a distance. Ideally I would want to be pet free. Pets are not a deal breaker for me though if the person is right for me. But I prefer cats more than dogs as I find them cool and laid back.
14. Traveling: Honestly I don't consider myself a travel enthusiast. It makes me feel homesick. But traveling once or twice a year is okay for me.
15. Why am I childfree? You would not believe me if I said the TV serial "Pavitra Rishta" planted the seed of going childfree when I was in school *😂😂. *Well there is an interesting story behind that. But apart from that my main reasons are:
    1. Till today I never felt the need to be a parent.
    2. I have a younger sister with whom I have an age gap of 12 years. I feel like I have been a third parent to her and maybe that fulfilled my need to be a parent.
    3. I am not fond of the education system, the state of our polititcal leaders, various threats are looming on earth like climate change, zoonotic diseases, scarcity, etc.
16. My views on sharing responsibilities: I had stayed in hostel for about 8 years away from my hometown. After getting my job, I am staying alone away from home for about 2 years now. That taught me a lot about life. And I feel that 50 50 sharing may not always be possible and it's more about team work, cooperation, empathy towards each other and supporting each other during ups and downs of life.

What kind of partner do I expect?
I admire and am attracted to women who are ambitious and passionate about something. You don't have to be perfect. We are all flawed and confused about life in someway.
I am looking for a woman between the age of 24 to 30. I would prefer a Bengali woman, but culture, religion and language are not deal breakers for me.
Empathy would be the most important quality that I look for in my partner. I don't like to keep a checklist of desired traits, but rather in getting to know someone over time and discovering their unique qualities and values.
What kind of relationship am I looking for?
I am looking for a monogamous marriage where we can be proud of each other. I am looking for a life where me and my partner can say to each other that we got one life and choosing each other was one of our best decisions.
Whenever I read about or see couples happily married, I secretly smile in my mind knowing that I too want to experience the same.
But before reading that stage it's super important that check compatibility, how our life goals align, etc, etc. I am not in a rush to marry and would like to take 1-2 years atleast to know each before getting married.
Additional:
I prefer to take things slow and get to know someone on a deeper level before deciding if we're a good match.
I am not open to adopting a child, but maybe sponsor education for someone if I can in the future.
Also honestly I find it artificial to talk to someone I never met in real life. I prefer face to face interaction more. But I am not in a rush and let's take it slow.
If you find my post interesting, feel free to dm me directly or comment under my post. I would love to know you. 🤗🤗
Thanks for reading my long post. 😊😊

This interview has so much tea even on Hrithik and Kangana.
Tell me about how it all started
In 2008 while shooting for the O Jaana song for Raaz 2, we started getting close. We used to go for drives and dinners.
One day I took her for dinner at The Taj. I was immature as any 20-year-old and we got into an argument about our exes (hers was Aditya Pancholi) when she got angry and created a scene.
She said she was going to the restroom. I waited for an hour then I called her. She told me she was at home. I didn’t understand at that time that there was something eccentric about her behaviour. I was like chalo theek hai…
The next morning when I went to her Lokhandwala home to say “sorry’ with flowers, she didn’t let me in.
She told me, “F*** off! It’s over.” Dad called her and she said, “I won’t let him in, Sir. Please tell him to go.” She made me beg for a very long time. I waited for five hours on her steps. I was doing things I never thought I would do.
She got me to shave my hair off while attending the Filmfare awards. I didn’t question it. My hair never looked uglier but she felt I needed a new style. And then on the stage she thanked everyone for the award. The camera was on me for a very long time but she didn’t mention me. She was walking ahead and I was walking behind her like her bodyguard. It was humiliating.
Did anybody caution you about dating her?
Haal-E-Dil was releasing and she had come for the premiere. I remember Aditya Pancholi was standing at the exit and Kangana was just walking out.
He stopped me, looked into my eyes and said, “Welcome to the circus my friend and all the best!” I didn’t understand at that time. Kangana clarified saying that Aditya did that to intimidate people with her.
I told her I am not scared because we are not doing anything wrong. At the time we were getting to know each other, but we hadn’t made it public.
When did it become public?
A month into our relationship. We were shooting a song in South Africa, when I got a call from a journalist asking me if I was dating Kangana. I denied it saying she was just a friend, however clichéd it sounded.
The journalist told me he had found out that I went to her room at night. I told him that it was wrong to talk about a woman like that. I hung up and she began screaming that, You are trying to hide the fact that you are seeing me! “You think I am just your f* buddy?”**
What followed?
She made me call back the journalist and tell him how much I loved her etc. I hung up and told her that I’d given him a quote from my side, what about a quote from her? I said tell him that you love me also because otherwise it will sound one-sided.
She didn’t do that and I wasn’t able to figure out why. I came back to Mumbai and saw the story splashed across all the papers about how I was besotted by her. I said to her this isn’t how it is. It was mutual. My father was furious. He felt the story should not have been one-sided.
There were many stories about how devoted you were to her…
Yes. I was with her in Bangkok when my father saw the first cut of Jashn on December 31, 2008 and he called me at night and got emotional. He said that he was very proud of my performance. He said when I came back I would have a surprise waiting for me on my birthday — January 13.
On my birthday eve, at my home, dad called me down and gave me the keys to my dream car — a BMW 7Series. I was thrilled and touched when my dad gifted it to me! It wasn’t about a father spoiling his son, but a father who had seen the work of his son and was proud of him. I cried and hugged him.
Kangana had left earlier as she didn’t want to face the media. I wanted to share my happiness with her and called her to tell her about my dad’s gift.
She said coldly, “Achcha? Really? They gifted you a one crore car? Aisa kya ukhada tumne life mein?” This was when she had won a National Award for Best Supporting Actress for Fashion and had no work.
I remember her frustration of not getting any work for four-five months. In less than a week’s time, she went to Hyderabad and called me to say, she’d signed the Telugu film Ek Niranjan with Prabhas.
She came back and booked the same car dad had gifted me! She had no money so she went all the way to Hyderabad to sign the film and buy the car.
Kangana couldn’t take it that I had a car, she couldn’t afford. There were stories in newspapers about how she had bought the same car as me, etc. This was two months before our break-up. Later, I sold off my car because of the pressure of failure.
Were you guys fighting a lot before the break-up? Yes. I’d always see her eccentric behaviour as a woman’s emotions.But it started getting worse. One day when I was at her house, time, Bhattsaab called me after seeing the rushes of Raaz 2 and told me he loved my work and he would direct me.
He quit directing by then, so I was like ‘Wow, that’s amazing!’ I was talking on speakerphone and she was hearing everything. She told me, “Behen** mujhe koi kyun nahi phone kar rahe yaar?”**
That was the first time I heard her abuse. I was made to feel guilty and like shit for no reason. I realised that she wasn’t happy that the Bhatts had started giving me so much attention. +I made sure that Mukeshji and Bhattsaab called her told her how good she was too*
What was the first shock that you got?
It was during the shooting of Kites. She got friendly with Hrithik and his wife. There were occasional dinners with them and I went for a few.
Hrithik had invited Kangana for his birthday and he called me also. I brought flowers and an expensive champagne
We were sitting and talking when Hrithik walked in. She cut me abruptly, picked up my flowers and champagne and handed it to him saying, “Happy birthday! This is from me for you.”
She didn’t even introduce me. She started networking and I was left alone with a drink in my hand.
I was feeling really upset and left and I got a little high. One moment she made me feel loved and then in the next, it was like I was a nobody in her life! I was standing at the bar alone when Kangana walked up to me said some actor at the party was trying to grab her a**.
I felt protective towards her but I was at someone’s house and creating a scene would be rude so I told her, ‘Let’s go.’ She went back to doing her thing. Later she came and told me let’s go right now.
I was walking down the stairs with her, when she turned around and slapped me! She said, “Mother Fu, behen! Bhsd*ke! You are f*** jealous of my success!” The intensity of the slap was so hard I was almost crying. That was the first time she got violent**
What did you do?
My only thought was: The entire media was outside. How am I going to get out and go? I was tearing up like a child and shivering at the violently abusive language.
She told me to drop her home, and then in the car, she started hitting me. Eventually, I asked my driver to stop the car. I decided to take a rickshaw home. I was in the middle of the road crying and shouting at her, “You are crazy! F***** up!” And she was abusing me MC/BC gaalis.
My family driver of 20 years came crying to me and said, mere liye thoda sa bhi pyar hai toh ghar chalo. I will never forget that night. I dropped her home and she picked up her stiletto and threw it at me!
I picked up my phone and smashed it against the wall. I didn’t know how to vent my anger. That was the start of her physical violence with me.
What happened next?
The next day we had a press meet for Raaz 2 at my building. Kangana said she wouldn’t come. Our PR started panicking but then she turned up. I took held her hand and said, “Baby I am so sorry. I love you.” She slapped me hard, again. I was just zapped! I was crying like a kid… and then the entire rant and MC/BC gaalis began. I realised then that she’d made up the whole thing about the actor trying to grab her a. She said that just to f*** my mind with these mind games**
To the waiting media, even though I felt like a complete a**hole I gave an interview saying, ‘She was one of the most beautiful actresses that we have in the country today and a huge star.’
In her interview she mocked me and said I was the most spoiled brat that she knew who didn’t come to sets on time etc. I just laughed it off like a joke, I had no other option.
I had just come out after being physically abused and emotionally tortured I had to praise her and hear things about how I didn’t want to work etc. It was traumatising.
On her birthday in March 2008 at The Leela, she had invited everybody that she had worked with. She said “Let’s do cocaine in the night.” I had smoked hash with her a couple of times before and didn’t like it so I said no. I remember getting into the biggest argument that night because I said no to cocaine.
Why did you take all this abuse?
Kangana had this amazing knack of manipulating my emotions and drawing me back. She took me to this tarot reader Sunita Menon who said we were meant to be together and that gave me confidence and strength to work at the relationship, even though I was going through shit.
I hadn’t told my parents about this. If my father ever knew that she hit me, I can’t imagine his reaction. I stopped going home, and started living with her.
I started drinking and smoking a lot. My relationship with my parents changed. I became defiant. The visit to Sunita happened right after we broke up. Kangana called me to her house and started crying. She said, “I cook for you and wash your clothes and how will I live without you?” That made me very emotional and we got back together.
Then it got worse?
Yes. On January 13, 2009, at my birthday party at home, after most people left, Mohit Suri, Kangana, Kunal Deshmukh, my parents and dad’s few close friends were talking about how actors sometimes tend to sell our souls for commercial films.
Kangana started to get offended and said, ‘We don’t sell our souls’. Dad said he was giving a generic example but she took it personally and she called my father a b****** in front of everyone.
My father was furious. She left screaming started screaming abuses at him in Hindi. One thing I can’t still forgive myself for — I was a bad son to my parents during that time.
This one moment changed my life forever— the way she spoke to my father. But at the time, she had manipulated my mind so beautifully that rather than breaking up with her that night, I screamed at my father. I smashed things because I was losing my mind.
You defended her when she abused your father?
The way I spoke to my father that night is something I can never forget and forgive myself for. It makes me cry even today. I was starting to become someone else.
I went to Kangana’s house that night and apologised for my dad’s behaviour and ended up spending the night with her. I didn’t go home for two days. Then dad started getting calls from the film fraternity Aditya Pancholi called my dad and said, “Shekharji kya ho raha hai? She’s crazy, a psycho and this has been her behaviour pattern.
He was right as that was exactly her behaviour pattern with me. Aditya told my father that if he wanted he would speak to me but he should get me out of Kangana’s clutches as she would ruin me and by the time I realised it it would be too late for me..
She also tried to jeopardise your career?
People magazine wanted us on the cover. I learnt that she called the magazine editor and said she didn’t want to shoot with me, but with Imran Khan whose film Jaane Tu Ya Jaane Na was a hit. I lost out on a couple of covers because of her. Rather than people talking about my successful film, media would write stories about me being besotted with her. My career suffered because of that.
What followed next?
Kangana took me to another astrologer called Pallavi who always gave positive news to Kangana and negative ones to me.
She said my time wasn’t right and if I did certain pujas I would be fine. I didn’t believe in all this but Kangana insisted I listen to her.
One day, Kangana called me at home in the night to do some puja. I reached at 11.30 pm as the puja was to start at 12.
She had a small guest room in her apartment and she had covered it in black, including black curtains. There were some random statues of God, fire all around, some scary things (kept) puja. She asked me to chant some mantras, and locked me in. I was terrified. I didn’t do it and I came out and told her that I had
Then she started taking me to Pallavi frequently. One day, Pallavi said go to the graveyard at 12 am and throw these certain things. I was chilled to the bone! I didn’t go.
Are you talking about black magic?
Yes. Being a metropolitan kid studying in London and New York, I was always away from things like astrology and black magic. I remember going to my Tarot reader after she started making me doing pujas. She told me she sensed a woman from pahadi region doing black magic on me.
I knew only one person back then, my girlfriend Kangana, who used to go to Himachal for certain pujas there.
My Tarot reader said she saw something really bad happening and warned me to get out of the relationship. She told me, “You feel you want to come out of it and every time you make a decision of wanting to come out, you fail and are back at it again.”
My career stopped completely. I had a successful film Raaz 2 behind me but nobody wanted to talk about me. I started seeing this decline. My films were shutting down while she was achieving more success. Even talking about it scares me now....
What happened after this?
My mother was very worried and she called the family’s Panditji to come home and meet me. The first thing he asked me was: “Khana banati hai tumhare liye?”
When I said yes, he said, “Apna impure blood milati hai khaane mein black magic ke liye.” I didn’t want to accept anything against her. I would tell people who said anything negative about her to f*** off.
The physical violence had become so frequent in my relationship with her that any other guy would have hit her back. But I couldn’t. Every time I was hit, I wanted to retaliate but my hands would just stop. I was scared as hell. I would cry to my PR every single night. I would drive down Marine Drive with a bottle of scotch on my lap, drunk.
I got into a phase where I could not accept reality and thought it was better to be perpetually drunk all the time. I had reached a stage where I would have either died because of an overdose of alcohol or gone mental.
My mom prayed a lot for me. The same Pandit later on came on Salman’s Dus Ka Dum also and he looked at Kangana in the middle of the show and said “Aap Pisachini (demoness) hai.” She treated it as if it was a joke. It’s there on national TV.
Please go on
In one of his interviews, my father was asked a question on Kangana and he said “She was a senior actress” but not in a derogatory way.
We were headed to an event when she started abusing my father in filthy language. That day something snapped in me.
Hearing her abuse my father and still being by her side every night was something that shamed me. After we split, it took me five years to get over that guilt.
I was a bad kid to my parents and that’s something I can’t forgive myself for. Everything else was a learning experience.
I remember Kangana physically abusing me in the car again. When we reached the hotel, in front of the media she was so normal. It was like interacting with a split personality. On one hand it was MC/BC and on the other it was ‘Baby I love you so much.’
It was around this time you learned about her texts to Hrithik?
She gave me her phone’s old chip to transfer to her new phone. While doing that I saw her inbox was all empty — which was okay as it was a new phone — but there were 50-70 messages to Hrithik Roshan.
I knew she was eyeing him from back then, from the time she went to Las Vegas for Kites. Hrithik had hurt his arm and she had gone to see him. I knew her desperation to get to know him well.
I asked her about these messages. She said that he was her co-star and she had to talk to him like that. She made me believe that all those texts to him were casual. And I could believe that because whenever I met Hrithik and her together, he always maintained his distance.
As a guy you can see it when there’s something brewing between two people especially when they are drinking and the masks come off.
I never saw any feelings from his side. So, these stories about Kangana’s obsession with him had begun back then of her wanting to get him.
Those messages made me realise that I had to get out of this relationship and fast. Every time she had to put her point across she would get physically abusive.
She dominated me to a level where I couldn’t make a decision for myself. My parents would feel very embarrassed and yet my mom, seeing my mental state, would go and beg Kangana asking her to patch up with me after every fight. I have realised our parents are the most important people in our lives. They would do anything for you. Their selfless love has made me come back to what I was.
So when did you finally break up?
My father was getting into politics. She started imagining that dad wanted her to campaign for him. I said to her, ‘Are you out of your mind?’
Then she started abusing my dad. She said “Tumhara pura khandaan mere stardom ko use karna chahta hai?”
She was talking about a man whose been in this industry for 25 years, seen so much stardom of his own and has so much love, support and goodwill in the industry.
Why would he need her? I came back to my house and she messaged me something again about my father. That was it. I messaged her back “Now you can f*** off. It’s over between us.”
She felt it was one of those break-ups where we’d get back together. Exactly one year after we started dating, we finally broke up.
I told her never to call or message me again. I made sure I never crossed paths with her again. I haven’t seen her for seven years, not been in same room, at an event or anywhere.
The last conversation we had was when she called to tell me I had left some clothes behind. I told her to give it to charity. It took me five years to get over the whole thing.
I lost five years of my precious time, I lost out on relationships as people hated me because I was with her. They felt I wasn’t the same person anymore.
Only my friend Sonu understood the space I was in and supported me all through this hell. I took off to NYC after that. I would pass my time staring at the ceiling, eating food, because of which I put on 25 kgs, and crying.
Why didn’t you talk about your break-up then?
I couldn’t. I was depressed. She was telling people how I suddenly broke up one day and was getting the sympathy.
I didn’t have the energy. I was too weak to defend myself and thought no one will want to believe me.
The entire feeling of being called a loser, and people calling me “Kangana’s boyfriend”, had taken its toll and robbed me of my confidence.
Then it became all about how I had used her. But people called me and said, “Dude it was a very simple plan. She wanted respectability as she came out of an extra-marital affair and she wanted to get hooked to someone from a respectable Bollywood family. And the moment she got success she would be out from your life in a jiffy.”
That’s exactly what happened. She wasn’t even a star when I met and we started dating. It was me who came from a star background so who used who?
At the time when this was published, no one believed Adhyayan. He seems to have gone through a lot. He was brilliant in Heeramandi and hope he gets good work in his second innings.

Let’s call the them girl 1 and girl 2.
So kahapon my daughter went home frustrated and sabi nya “ayoko na mag laro pag tinawag ako tell them wala ako.” I ask her why she said pagod na ko eh gusto ko na mag pahinga. Una di ko lang pinansin but after 10 min she’s still moping so I immediately sensed that something was off na kasi she’s usually a sweet girl so I ask inaaway ka ba nila? Then she burst out crying and told me yung bubbles inagaw daw sakanya ni girl 1 and 2 tapos nakuha daw ni girl 1 and tumakbo daw pauwi. She didn’t want to tell me daw dahil baka daw angry ako kasi bago lang daw yun and mahal daw. I reassured her and had a talk about this and after that I went to the girl 1’s house. She denied it and nag turo ng boy sa kapit bahay baka daw yun yung kumuha. Her mother was kind enough naman to accompany me since di ko alam kung saan yung house ni boy we even had a small talk and everything (they’re newly moved in, last yr lang). So nung pag punta namin sa house ni boy it ended up na di rin alam ni boy. I’m still giving the girl 1 the benefit of the doubt. So I went home and asked my daughter again and again. Consistent story nya and even said na yung mga boys they don’t care sa bubbles nya and minding their own business. So I went to the girl 2’s house w/ my daughter to confirm things and girl 2 said “hindi ko po alam itanong nyo po kay girl 1” and sabi ko tinanong ko na eh sabi nya hindi nya daw alam tapos sabi ni girl 2 sa anak ko “hala sya yun (girl1) diba?” so this only confirmed my daughter’s story is true.
I need advice what to do in this situation. I told my daughter naman na wag na makipag laro sakanila explaining na they’re older kasi baka minsan hindi nila naiintindihan yung kulit nya. It was only a 37 peso bubbles but I can’t get over the way they treated my daughter and lying straight to my face, the worse part was she was really heartbroken because she value that toy. I wasn’t expecting things like this to happen since we’re living in a mid to upper mid class neighborhood naman. But gosh, may mga ganun pala talagang bata kahit na may mga kaya naman sa buhay.
My gut tells me to inform the mother about it because if I were in that situation I would gladly like to be informed if there’s something concerning with daughter’s behavior so I can rectify it immediately, but at the same time I don’t want to cause issues with the neighbors din. Sabi din ng partner ko na not everyone has the same mindset as ours. Should I let it go nalang ba?

Stockholm 1 July 2026
Michael is standing in his living room nervously fingering the cover of the Blu-Ray film in his hand. Michael knows that his staff at the group home have not approved of him watching this film but his curiosity has been piqued since a work friend talked about the movie some days ago and Michael has managed to buy this film and one of its sequels without the staff knowing.
Michael is 45 years old, but he does not live in an ordinary apartment, but rather a special accommodation for residents with various mental problems. Michael has a mild mental disorder and his parents know that he is a psychopath but they havent about it with Michael yet. With the help of his staff at the accommodation, Michael is able to live a normal life. The accommodation is located in Zinkensdamm and it is a quiet area and Michael is comfortable here.
However, Michael has a special feature that requires the staff to watch every movie that Michael wants to see and also approve it. Michael has a knack for making things that happen in movies real. So if a volcano erupts in a movie, Michael can wish for it to happen in real life and it does. This trait can make Michael very dangerous to the public.
Michael has become increasingly interested in violence and this has worried the staff for a long time. Right now, Michael is only allowed to watch light comedies because they are afraid that Michael will wish for violent things to happen. Things that can harm the staff and other people.
The film that Michael holds in his hand is far from a light comedy. It's a sci-fi/horror movie and it's called Alien. Michael is 45 years old and was young when this movie came out but his parents didn't let him watch it because he could already make things that happened in movies become real and the parents were terrified that an Alien monster would suddenly appear in their villa . Michael was bullied at school and certainly would not have hesitated to let an Alien monster attack the bullies. But if he created a real Alien monster, it would have had an impact on the environment and completely innocent people could have been killed by the Alien monster.
Michael takes the Blu-Ray disc out of the case and puts it in his Blu-Ray player and is just about to press play when he realizes that maybe he should tell the staff that he's going to watch a TV show and definitely doesn't want to be disturbed during the course of the film. The film is about two hours long so he thinks two hours of free time without the staff is appropriate. Michael looks at the TV magazine and sees that the Simpsons and another show he usually watches are on during the time he intended to watch the movie. The staff will not suspect anything.
Michael walks out of his apartment and into the hallway of the residence and goes straight to the staff office. He knocks lightly on their door and they turn and open the door to greet Michael. Michael doesn't waste time telling them what he wants, but says straight away what it's all about.

• I intend to watch TV for about two hours and do not want to be disturbed. I'm going to watch the Simpsons and the latest episode of Reneé's bridge. I can eat after watching TV.
  
• It will be absolutely excellent.
  

Michael nods and goes into his apartment and just to be safe, he locks his front door. Michael turns on his TV and presses Play on his Blu-Ray player and the movie starts. Michael lowers the volume on his TV so that the staff will not hear what he is watching. Michael thinks that the beginning of the film is boring and that too few things happen. Once the spaceship lands on the planet, more things happen and Michael finds it more interesting.
Michael jumps high as the facehugger jumps out of the egg one of the characters has found. Michael thinks the facehugger looks really cool and then when it turns out to be bleeding acid and threatens to destroy the ship, the tension increases. Michael memorizes what the facehugger looks like and he becomes fascinated by the creature. A creature like this could have been dangerous on Earth if it had existed.
Michael thinks it's incredibly cool when the chestbuster explodes from the chest of the character the facehugger landed on. Michael thinks the birth of the creature is really brutal but also very cool. It's clear that the facehugger planted something in the character's stomach and it was then born in an explosive fashion. Michael knows that only women give birth but in this movie a creature is born from a man. Michael also memorizes what the chestbuster looks like.
Michael thinks that the adult Alien creature that is seen later in the film is incredibly cool and he thinks that he would like a creature like this to exist for real and it is close that he several times wishes that the creature exists for real during the movie but he also knows that he will be very tired after making the wish so he decides to wait until the evening. Michael will also meet his contact person in the afternoon and they will have coffee together. Michael absolutely does not want to miss that meeting.
When Michael has finished watching the film, he hides it behind some other films on the bookshelf so that the staff will not find it. Michael thinks he can watch the other movie once the staff has helped him cook. In order for the food to be ready as quickly as possible, Michael chooses to fetch a member of staff from the staff room. Michael would like Krister to help him with the food and asks him to come with him to the apartment.
Krister comes along to Michael's apartment and looks at the grocery list that Michael has written together with his staff. Today it says meatballs and macaroni and Krister takes the meatballs out of the fridge and starts frying them. Michael starts a pot of water and waits for the water to start boiling. When the water boils, he will pour in the macaroni. As Michael stands waiting for the water to boil, he stands thinking about this fantastical creature he has seen today.
When Michael thinks of the adult Alien monster and its banana-shaped head, the cock stands up and becomes rock hard. It had been a long time since Michael felt this way. If he could, he would very much like to be this monster and terrify every single person who has been stupid and mean to him. Revenge had been sweet when he had bared his inner teeth and torn apart every human who had been mean to him.
Michael stands and thinks about whether the Alien monster would be able to live on Earth but then he remembers that it has never been a problem when he has wished for something and it shouldn't be a problem if he wants the Alien monster to come here to the earth. Michael also wonders who laid the eggs that the character in the film finds. There were a lot of eggs. Michael is so deep in his thoughts that he doesn't hear Krister talking to him. Michael focuses on Krister.

• Sorry, I didn't hear what you said. Can you say it again?
  
• I was wondering if it is not today that you are going to meet your contact person, Sven?
  
• Yes, I will do that. We will meet at 5 pm and have coffee at Lars café.
  
• Do you want to eat some cooked food before you meet?
  
• I heat a Billy's pizza in the microwave before we meet. I'm going to watch TV after I eat.
  
• Okay, good. Then I know your plans. By the way, the water is boiling now.
  

Michael turns to the stove and holds the macaroni in the pan. They should cook for about five minutes. The meatballs are ready-cooked and Krister lowers the heat so that they just stay warm while the macaroni finishes cooking. Michael wants to think about the Alien monster again but forces himself to think about other things. Michael knows that Krister has recently met a new girl and to seem curious about Krister's life, Michael starts asking questions about the girl.

• This new girl you've met, is she pretty?

Krister is immediately embarrassed by the question and begins to blush.

• You could say that. She is...perfect in every way.
  
• Mmm. Apparently enough to make you embarrassed.
  

Krister blushes even more. His face is almost entirely red.

• That thing about love can be..complicated.
  
• I believe you. I have never liked someone so much that I would have wanted to live together, but on the other hand, I have my disability and was never allowed to go out much when I was a child. My parents overprotected me from everything, except the bullies at school.
  

Krister nods silently. He knows Michael's history and sometimes he can feel sorry for Michael. Michael's parents probably just wanted Michael to grow up and be like everyone else, but it hasn't happened that way. It is only in recent years that Michael's parents have started to let him go, but on the other hand, they have been retired for many years and may not be able to deal with all the funny things that happen around Michael. Very strange things have happened both at the parents' house but also at the accommodation.
Krister understands how Michael's parents think but also how Michael himself thinks and it is far from always the same. Michael is no longer a child but an adult and should be allowed to show that he can take some responsibility for what he does but the parents have not trusted him enough until that dramatic fire happened. Michael saved his parents from being burned inside and since then they have changed their attitude towards him and given him more freedom. Michael has promised and sworn that he had nothing to do with the fire and Krister believes him. The fire was caused by a simple electrical fault and possibly carelessness on the father's part.
When the macaroni has finished cooking, Michael drains the water and puts them and the meatballs on his plate. Krister washes the frying pan he used to fry the meatballs and then leaves Michael alone.
Michael is so curious about the second movie that he takes the dinner plate into the living room and turns his TV and Blu-Ray player back on and puts the second movie into the player. It's Aliens and Michael sees that there are two versions of the movie and he chooses to see the theatrical version because it's shorter. Michael sits down on the couch and starts watching the movie while eating his food. It is very unusual for Michael to sit on the sofa and eat his food, but today he changes his regular routine. It is very unusual for Michael to change any of his routines.
Michael finds the film somewhat boring at the beginning and skips a few scenes where the characters talk to each other. Michael wants to see more of the monsters because he thinks they are so cool.
When the marines land on the planet with the monsters, the film becomes interesting and Michael tensely follows what is happening on the flat screen. Michael had a brother who liked Rambo in the 1980s and even though Michael has not seen Rambo, he still thinks that the marines are reminiscent of Rambo and he thinks that his brother would have liked this movie if he was still alive.
But Michael's brother is no longer alive. He died in a terrible car accident in 1988 and Michael still misses him. If the brother had been allowed to live, he might have beaten the bullies who beat Michael. Michael still remembers his bullies and he knows that the worst of them lives in the area and Michael has chosen not to be near the villa where the bully lives.
Tensions rise as the Marines move through the dank corridors of the film, using a motion detector. Michael jumps high on the couch as a little girl runs past in front of the marines. It is so unexpected that it should be a little girl. Michael thinks this movie is better than the first one. There is so much more going on in this movie than the first.
A little later in the film, the marines find lots of people sitting in some kind of cocoons and a chestbuster explodes from a woman's stomach. It looks more brutal than in the first movie and Michael thinks the creature exploding from the chest/belly looks a little different than the one in the first movie. The marines set fire to the creature and soon adult creatures start moving everywhere killing the marines. Even the adult creatures look a bit different compared to the one in the first movie and Michael likes their appearance and memorizes their appearance quite accurately. It makes it easier for him to wish they exist if he can describe them well.
Aliens are everywhere and Michael thinks they are the absolute coolest thing in the whole movie. Michael also thinks that some of the characters are cool and it is especially Hicks and Vasquesh who are the coolest of all but in different ways. Hicks complains and jokes about everything while Vasquesh is like a female Rambo and has a lot of tough lines. Michael would have been happy to spend an afternoon with these two characters if they had existed in real life. Michael finds the girl Ripley finds extremely annoying because she screams so much and is generally annoying. But the scene where they are locked in a lab with a facehugger is very tense.
The little girl is picked up by an alien and when Ripley comes to pick her up, Michael finds it exciting even though he still finds the girl annoying. But then Ripley sees the great Alien Queen and Michael soon falls in love with the Alien Queen when she appears on the flat screen. She is absolute perfection. He is egged on by her huge ovipositor but also her huge crowned head. Michael carefully memorizes what the Alien queen looks like and he drools involuntarily.
Michael decides that he will wish that the Alien Queen exists in reality later in the evening, but she is so incredibly large and Michael begins to think about where she had would be placed. The sports field in Zinkensdamm is large, but the question is whether the Alien queen would fit in there. Also, the people nearby would see her and possibly kill the queen.
It is better if she is in a place that is not easily accessible but that Michael can still visit. Michael feels that he wants to meet the Alien Queen in person but not be harmed by her. Michael decides to wish that he can control the Alien Queen or that she will trust him.
Michael also realizes when he watches the movie that the Alien queen has lots of guards or warriors in her hive, just like the bees have. Wherever they are supposed to be, it still has to be such a large space that both the Alien queen and several warriors can fit.
Michael will think that his contact person Sven, deals with urban exploration and may know of some big place where an Alien queen can fit. Michael decides to ask Sven when they meet later today but thinks about how to ask the question. Sven must not suspect anything because then there is the risk of him talking to Michael's staff and he does not want that to happen. Michael also decides not to mention that he has seen these two films. Sven doesn't need to know about that.
Michael gets upset when Ripley starts burning up the Alien Queen's eggs. The very area where the Alien Queen is is going to explode soon anyway and Michael thinks it's unnecessary to sabotage the Alien Queen's egg. Ripley and the girl are picked up by the andriod and everything is calm again, but the Alien queen has apparently come with the ship and there will be another fight between the Alien queen and Ripley. But good triumphs over evil and the Alien Queen floats around in space and dies and all is peace and joy. Michael doesn't bother to watch the credits, but turns the movie off when it's finished. Michael hides the film behind some other films on the bookshelf.
Michael goes out into the corridor and asks a member of staff to collect the money that Michael will have with him when he meets Sven. The staff unlocks the cash register and takes out 100 kroner and gives it to Michael. Everyone who lives at the accommodation receives help from the staff when they need their money. Michael goes into the kitchen and chooses to eat three sandwiches instead of heating up a Billy's Pizza.
When Michael has finished eating, he puts on other clothes and leaves his apartment and says goodbye to the staff and goes down to the bottom floor and stands outside the apartment building and waits for Sven to arrive.
Sven is on time as usual and Michael gets into Sven's car and Sven drives towards the cafe they are going to visit. Sven asks how Michael's day has been and he replies that he mostly watched TV and that it was nice. Sven has also had a good day. He has wallpapered several new apartments and even managed to run on his treadmill for about an hour. Michael has run on Sven's treadmill once, but he found it boring after a while.
Sven parks right outside Lars' cafe and the two go into the cafe and decide what to eat and drink. Michael takes a cinnamon roll as usual, but Sven chooses a vanilla pastry today. As usual, Michael takes a cup of tea with apple flavor while Sven takes a cup of coffee. Michael and Sven sit down at the same table they usually sit at. There is a large window right next to the table and Michael likes to watch all the people moving around outside the cafe. He sometimes wonders where they are going and what they have done during the day.
Michael and Sven usually talk about different things when they have coffee, but today Michael decides the conversation and he immediately starts asking Sven about a lot of things.

• Sven, do you know if there is any really super big place in Stockholm that is not well known?
  
• It depends on how big you mean. The biggest place is probably the newly built arena, but it is already well known.
  
• I'm probably thinking of something even bigger and which is not well known.
  
• There probably isn't, except...
  

Sven falls silent and looks thoughtfully at Michael. Why does he want to know this? Michael has never been interested in places in general and Sven doesn't understand why it has to be a big place. Michael is stubborn and wants to know what Sven means.

• Except, what? Please tell me. I'm curious.

Sven knows that there is a place that is enormous and that few people know about, but he wonders why Michael is so curious about this. But Sven decides to answer the question.

• This place is not accessible to the public but there is a giant underground tunnel under a very large part of the city. It starts roughly at Mariatorget and stretches all the way to Danderyd if I remember correctly.
  
• It is therefore several kilometers long. How high do you think the ceiling is there?
  
• Rather, it is several miles long. I don't know how high the ceiling is. I have never visited the tunnel but I know that it is possible to enter it from the T-Centralen and also the Brunkebergstunnel, but in that case a key is of course needed because it is locked at the entrances to the tunnel. The entrance which is at the T-Centralen is near a track, so you are not allowed to go there.
  
• But how do you know it exists if you haven't visited it?
  
• Most people who live in Stockholm and deal with urban exploration know that it exists, but very few have been there. The opening at Mariatorget has been open before but is now locked with large barriers. You have probably seen the barriers and the large fence when you have walked past Mariatorget.
  

When Michael thinks about it, he understands what Sven means. He has walked past that place many times and have never thought about why there are such large bars by the large fence.

• It is a high fence and the bars are very high up. It must be at least 5-6 meters at the highest at the fence. Could this mean that it is as high in ceiling height at the beginning of the tunnel?
  
• I have no idea. As I said, I have never been in the tunnel. Why do you want to know how high the ceiling is when you can't get in there? I do not really understand.
  
• Ah you know, we who have certain disorders sometimes want to know things that are not really that important but are still interesting. Why were the entrances locked?
  
• You've never been interested in this kind of thing before, but okay, I see what you mean. The entrance was locked because there were so many loiterers occupying the tunnel and selling drugs and other things. I think there was also some safety risk regarding the ventilation. Maybe it wasn't well ventilated enough for people to run around down there. The police probably had no complete control of who was moving down there because the tunnel is so extremely long.
  
• Hmm. It sounds logical when you explain it. If the Tunnel were to open one day, would you like to go down and investigate it?
  
• Of course it would have been fun, but I don't think it will ever be opened again. There are stricter rules on security now than there were when it was open.
  

Michael sits quietly and thinks. He has decided that the Alien queen will definitely live in the tunnel that Sven has told about and he will consider that the size may not be a problem. Michael can add to his wish that the ceiling in the tunnel where the Alien queen will sit and lay all her eggs should be high enough. The other adult creatures protecting the queen will fit without any problems even if the ceiling of the tunnel is 2 meters high but probably at least 3 meters high. That's how high the ceiling is on the subway anyway.
Sven notices that MIchael is sitting thinking about something and he becomes curious as to what it is. Michael wasn't usually this thoughtful and he hasn't said a single word in a while and it's not usual either. Michael usually talks almost all the time while they meet, but not right now.

• Michael. Is there anything in particular that you are considering regarding this tunnel?
  
• Well, it was more of a general question. We were talking about hidden places at work the other day and also how big they are.
  
• Then I understand. Yes, then you can excel and tell them about this tunnel.
  

Michael starts to giggle when he realizes that Sven is right. He didn't have a thought about that. Michael likes to be able to brag and tell others about what he knows and this is typically the kind of thing he wouldn't have hesitated to tell about. Unless he wants to keep it a secret as long as the Alien Queen isn't there. Michael can't help but think how his workmates would have reacted if they had entered the tunnel and met the Alien Queen from Aliens. Maybe he'll show her off to his best friends once she's there.
The tea in Michael's cup has started to cool and he has only drunk less than half the cup. It's not normal either. Michael's teacup is usually empty first but not today. Sven wonders if something has happened because Michael is quieter than usual and also seems to be sitting thinking about something.

• How is it at your accommodation? Are you still happy with the staff?
  
• Yes, this accommodation is the very best since I moved away from home. You know that I have lived in a few different accommodations.
  
• I know about it. After all, we have met for a total of 20 years, so I know what it has been like. The accommodation you were staying at when we first started meeting was disastrous.
  
• Yes, my God. The staff were even weirder than I was. It was also haunted there, but no one believed it.
  

Michael can't help but laugh when he remembers how crazy and crazy everything was at that residence. Michael is absolutely sure that the apartment was actually haunted because so many strange things happened and Sven felt uncomfortably at ease a few times when he visited Michael in the apartment he lived in.

• I also think it was haunted there. For once, I also believed in the paranormal when I was inside your apartment. There was seriously something really crazy there.
  
• The only thing I don't like is that the staff have to approve everything I look at. It should be time to let me watch what I want. I can take the consequences of what I do because I'm an adult. They cannot protect me from seeing bad things in all my life. The violence in the news stories is more frightening than what happens in movies because it happens in real life.
  
• It's probably your parents who wanted you to only see things that the staff have approved and that it's about your.. unique ability.
  
• But my parents are no longer as active and keep an eye on me, so they should be able to relax the rules.
  
• Maybe they will do that eventually. The fact that your parents have let go of you a little is perhaps the start of something new, but they may want you to get used to times with more freedom. If they let go of the barriers all at once, it might be a problem for you to make sensible choices.
  
• Sven, a question. If there was someone or something from a movie that you wished existed in real life, what would it be?
  
• Wow, that was really a difficult question. I'll probably have to think about that before I can give you a good answer.
  
• It's perfectly fine. I'm just curious what you had chosen.
  
• I can understand that considering your ability.
  
• But it was a long time ago that I wished that something from a film would become reality. Life doesn't get more exciting than you make it out to be.
  
• Mmm. Am I the only one who thinks the conversation has gotten a little deeper and more serious? Is it an adult Michael that I suddenly see in front of me?
  
• I think maybe more than I did before. I'm 45 years old, so I'm definitely an adult, for my age anyway.
  
• Huh. It's so true.
  

Michael finishes his tea and looks out the window, pointing at the people moving around all the time.

• Did you knew? I always choose this table because I think it's fun to look out at all the people moving everywhere. Where have they been and where are they going? Have they had a good or bad day? Who are they?
  
• Wow. I had no idea you cared about such things. Don't misunderstand what I mean but I got the impression that you mostly care about what concerns you but I may be wrong.
  
• Of course, I care most about myself, I guess everyone does. But I think it's fun to think about who the people are even if I'll never meet them.
  
• Mmm. There are always people on the move here in Stockholm. In a smaller town, there would not have been as many people in motion during the day.
  
• Many are also terribly stressed. It is so important to catch the first subway train even if a new one arrives after a few minutes.
  
• Do you usually never stress when you take the subway to work?
  
• No, never ever. If the train leaves, I wait for the next one.
  

Sven shakes his head. He is aware that he usually rushes to catch the first train home on the few days he does not use the car.

• Michael, you are a fascinating person. We have met for 20 years and just when i think i know you, you show a new side of yourself. I think it's incredibly interesting.
  
• You have also shown new sides over the years. You can almost say that we have helped each other develop. The biggest difference between us is that I have more routines than you do, but that's because I feel safer with them, because of my disability.
  

Sven nods and smiles. Michael is absolutely right in what he says. Sven looks at his watch and discovers that they have been sitting in the cafe for over an hour. The cafe won't close until 9 p.m. and Sven is not in a hurry to get home, so it doesn't matter that they've been sitting longer than usual. Sven is just so surprised that Michael hasn't gotten restless even though they've been here for an hour. Sven drinks the very last coffee and it's cold but it doesn't matter.
Sven and Michael look at each other and say exactly the same thing at the same time.

• Shall we move on?

Both Michael and Sven start to laugh when they realize that they asked the question at the same time. Sven nods towards Michael

• I'm ready if you're ready too
  
• I am. The cinnamon roll was magically good.
  
• My vanilla pastry was also good. Simply a nice coffee.
  

Michael and Sven leave the cafe and Sven drives Michael home to the accommodation. The two sit quietly in the car for a while, but then Sven starts talking to Michael.

• Next week will be tough for me so we have to meet in exactly one week. I know I promised we should meet on Tuesdays but it has to be a Thursday next week too.
  
• It does not matter. I'm free next Thursday anyway so it works out fine.
  
• What did you think we would do?
  
• Hmm. Go to Skansen and Gröna Lund or just Gröna Lund.
  
• Gröna Lund sounds nice. We decide to visit it.
  
• Perfect. See you next week
  
• We'll do that.
  

Michael gets out of Sven's car and goes up to the fourth floor of the apartment building where the accommodation is. Michael feels very happy with the day and he happily greets the staff as he passes by their office. Michael thinks he can account for the money immediately. The staff won't be entering his apartment again during the evening and Michael feels that's nice because he's been thinking of watching the Alien Queen again when he's alone
Krister goes with him to Michael's apartment again and writes down the receipt from the cafe and calculates so that it matches the cash register. Every penny counts and Krister puts the safe into the large wooden cupboard and locks it carefully. Krister looks at Michael.

• What are you doing tonight? Max will offer buns later because he will quit as staff.
  
• When are buns served?
  
• Hmm. Approximately 7:00 p.m. So in an hour.
  
• I'd like to eat another bun today, so I'll come at that time. I was going to watch TV later. It is a repeat of "Masked Singer Sweden" among other things.
  
• Have you guessed who is behind the masks yet?
  
• Nah. Don't have a clue. But it's fun to watch.
  
• Mmm okay. But then I'll see you in an hour.
  

Krister walks out of Michael's apartment and Michael takes the opportunity to make his bed. Michael didn't bother to make the bed this morning because he was off and didn't care much about it. In addition, he would watch the newly purchased films.
Michael goes out into the living room and checks to make sure the films are still there and they are. The staff doesn't tend to rummage through Michael's things, but he still wants to check just in case. Someone at the store may have gossiped about what MIchael bought although it is not very likely but Michael knows that a classmate works at the store where he bought the movies and the classmate knows that MIchael's parents had never approved of Michael watching them.
Michael fetches the dinner plate and washes it and the pan he cooked the macaroni in. Michael then goes to the bedroom and puts away clothes that need to be washed and hangs up clothes that he intends to use again before he washes them. The hour goes by quickly and when it's 7pm Michael leaves his apartment and goes out to the common kitchen at the accommodation and most of the other people who live at the accommodation are already there and they are eating buns and talking to each other.
When it's almost 8 p.m., Michael goes back to his apartment and locks his front door. Michael goes to bed for a little while. He will start the film at 10 pm because the night staff go to bed then. Then Michael is completely sure that he will not be disturbed by the staff. Michael is tired and it doesn't take long before he falls asleep and when he wakes up again and looks at the clock, it's 23.10.
Michael immediately gets out of bed and into the living room and switches on his TV and Blu-Ray player. Michael grab the Aliens movie and puts it in the Blu-Ray player and skips through the chapters of the movie until he gets to when the Alien queen is in her hive.
Michael presses freeze when the entire Alien queen appears in the picture and he walks up and pats the picture of the queen as if she were in front of him. Michael fantasizes about what the Alien Queen's skin and bones feel like. Is it hot or cold? Is it soft or hard? It looks hard but it's not sure if it feels hard.
The alien queen's drool then. How does it feel? Is it hot or cold? Is it tough or liquid? What does the Alien Queen's drool smell like? Michael can see that it is transparent and it appears to be tough but he is not sure that it is. Details like this are important to Michael. An ordinary person had never thought about the properties of the drool or how the Alien Queen's skin and bones feel. Most people would have avoided the Alien Queen but not Michael. He has already decided that she will be in our real world and he already knows where she will live. Michael looks at the still image of the Alien queen and feels that now is the time to make the wish.
Michael concentrates and puts himself into a deep trance. The whites of his eyes are turned upwards and he really sees nothing but a giant image of the Alien Queen. He can twist and turn the picture and see her from as many different angles as he wants. Michael pushes himself against the giant image of the Alien Queen and begins to speak in a strange language.

• Alien Queen ousa bajo deffi natti poldatos dosta aveviii kuavava rattje ovakos despinere. Alien Queen uta pada maka hosa feta kofa heiiia. Alien Queen hoka ommi noni kvak jasi plersasi

Michael has now wished that the Alien queen should be in our reality and he has also decided where she should be and that he himself should be able to meet her up close without being killed. He also intends to pet her, but he says nothing about that in his wish because it is not necessary.
Michael falls silent and his eyes return to normal. Michael is drenched in sweat but he also has to wish that the Alien Queen's soldiers are already there protecting her. Michael also has to decide how big the space should be where the Alien Queen will be. Michael wishes that the chestbusters that explode from the people's stomachs will grow up and become adult Aliens very quickly. They have to eat two people before they start to grow and become adults. Michael wishes the entrance to the underworld is open and the bars are gone.
Michael looks for a scene where the soldiers in the Alien queen's hive are clearly visible and so he makes it a still image. Michael stands as close to the picture as he can. He wants the monsters to look exactly like in the movie.
Michael goes into a deep trance again and starts talking in the strange language again. This time he doesn't talk as much and when he's done Michael feels very tired and wants to go to bed but he takes the movie out of the Blu-Ray player and puts the movie behind some other movies in the bookcase and turns off his TV.
Michael feels that his throat is parched and he drinks two glasses of cold water before going to his bedroom and goes straight to bed and falls asleep in just a few seconds.
The Alien Queen has not yet begun to be created in our world. It will take almost a week for her to become real and start laying her eggs. It will take enormous amounts of energy to make it all real and most of that energy will be taken from Michael. Michael won't feel well for almost a whole week but he doesn't know that. This wish is the most advanced that he has made so far.
Disclaimer: Facehugger, Chestbuster, Alien, Alien Warriors, Alien Queen Belongs to Twentieth Century Fox Film Corporation

Hi, I just want to share what's been bothering me ever since I found out that my ex boyfriend's new girlfriend is trying to copy me.
For context, my ex (M, 26) and I (F, 25) started dating since 4th year HS then broke up 7 years later, after I found out he was cheating on me again, for the fourth time. His new girlfriend, let's call here CJ na lang, who was the one he cheated on me with, was his colleague at the time. Shout out A*E Hardware! 😅
My ex has 2 sisters and 2 brothers whom each has a girlfriend and I'm good friends with them. As in really close. Close to the point that when they met this girl, of course dahil alam nilang galing sa cheating, hindi nila kaagad nagustuhan but as time went by, napakisamahan naman nila. Attitude kasi ni girl is palaging nakikipagcompete daw sa kanila and then sa akin na rin.
So they started sending me this CJ's stories and post that are mostly "inspired" by my posts. Like if I post myself eating sushi, the next day she orders one as well. Here are the following lists of posts/stories na similar kami:

• ordered donuts and coffee sa DD, the next day she ordered the same donut and iced coffee
• I shared a gratitude post online to my friends with a caption, she did the same the next day with the same caption as well. same din ng music background :)
• I love books and consider myself a bookworm. I share photos of my reading journey online, then suddenly she started posting stuff like that too even though she doesn't read. She's not the bookish type before, she's an outdoorsy person. it's not like I'm against her finding a new hobby because I truly believe that reading should be encouraged, but my ex's brother's girlfriend, CM, told me that CJ must be doing it only for clout because she never reads the book she posts. (they live together po sa iisang house kasama fam ni ex)
• I posted about running, the next day she did the same thing
• I posted my dinner which is a certain type of sandwich (homemade), she posted the EXACT SAME one too the next day
• I posted a photo to my stories saying Im guilty of craving for tapsi nang 1am, then posted another story eating out which says "eme lang ang diet", the next day she posts: "eme lang ang diet, still craving for tapsi at midnight"

There's a lot of stuff pa. I noticed din that I have a consistent viewer sa stories ko sa IG. Username is qwerty1098720. Nagkaroon kaagad ako ng kutob na baka sya yon so I told CM about that and she thought the same too kasi tinry nyang iforgot password yung account na yon, then it showed "We sent you a code on +639*****30" which is her phone number.
Tinry kong iconfront yon, I asked her, "Hi, is this CJ?" but then I was blocked.
The following week I saw another viewer with the same username and I told CM about it again. +639*******80 yung pinagsendan ng code which is number nya ulit. I even thought CM was conning me that time but when I looked at CJ's bilao package page, I found out she had 2 phone numbers. One ending in 30 and one in 80. I was just terrified I started setting all my social medias to private.
My friends tell me I should be glad pa nga na she's trying to copy me, tawanan na lang daw namin because she's a copycat who will never get anything in life without the help of my personality. but I just can't. especially nagcheat nga yung ex ko sakin and sya yung dahilan. Also, binabadmouth nya ako sa family non and nakakarating sakin through his brothers' girlfriends.
Whoo. Just wanna get thus off my chest kasi everytime may nagfofollow sakin sa IG na new user, I always suspect na sya yon. I never thought this would affect me in any way.

I was a damaged person. But I was on the mend.
I had a pretty traumatic break up with my childhood best friend, turned girlfriend. I had known her since we were 8 years old. We had been boyfriend and girlfriend since we were 13 and had been so for 9 years until my junior year of college when she cheated on me in a very cruel way. It came to light that she had cheated on me many times before as well.
I loved her so god damn much! I thought we were one of those stories where two souls were knitted together from eternity to eternity, or some hallmark card bullshit like that.
I was emotionally shattered and it took me a while until one day about 2 years later, I woke up and thought about her, but then realized that I hadn't thought about her at all the previous day. It was glorious and I knew then that I was on the mend. After that, my healing process sort of exponentially snowballed and I was back in the saddle as far as relationships went. I started going on dates and meeting up with women.
I was a software engineer working for a large corporation. Because I was good at my job, and because I didn't have a family, I was given the opportunity to move to Singapore and lead a project there for what would be a couple of years but turned out to be 7 years.
The great thing about Singapore is that they speak the "King's English" when they're not speaking "Singlish" (a patois of mostly English with funky grammar, but with Malay, Chinese, and Hindi thrown in). So I didn't have to learn a whole new language to fit in. I just had to learn how to translate Singlish to English, which wasn't too hard after a couple of months of trying. I even learned the lingo and it would amuse my coworkers a whole lot when I spoke Singlish. They thought it was hilarious.
I was a good looking guy (still am!!) but I really let myself go in my depression. I was a tall, muscular 210 pounds when I broke up with my ex, but I had ballooned up to over 300 pounds. I started a workout regimen and lost it all but the workout regimen became sort of an obsession. It was the one thing that grounded me. After I went to Singapore, one of my business perks was a gym membership at "Fitness First", a local gym franchise. I was down to my previous weight, but I had to practically camp out at the gym because the best thing about Singapore is the FOOD. The food is incredible! However, you WILL pack on the weight if you don't get your ass to the gym.
The meet cute
I was working out one day much later than normal due to some overtime on my project and I saw a girl on a treadmill. The treadmill was the one I usually use because it was in the back and kind of out of the way. The girl was stunning! The thing that stuck out to me was that she was had her hair in a pony tail through a ball cap, which is a look I find very attractive. I was a little nervous because, even though I was fairly confident about the way I look, I was definitely batting out of my league with this girl.
I went to her and chatted her up after she got off of the treadmill. She didn't look me in the eye and didn't really engage. I figured that I had acted like what is now known as a "gym creep" and I figured it was a "swing and a miss!" I apologized and said I wouldn't bother her anymore. I stuck out my hand and said "I'm OP, by the way. What's your name?"
She hesitated and looked at me for a bit and said "Lilly" (not her real name).
I remember this exactly because she later said that it was what intrigued her about me. At the time, she was an actress/model who had done some print/public billboard type ads, product demo booths at expos, and even a bit part in a local tv (Mediacorp) series. She had started to attract public attention because of these (mainly the TV show and the ads that were hanging all around town at that time) not just from men but from women too and it was super uncomfortable for her.
The fact that I had no idea who she was relaxed her and made her think that I was attracted to her for her and not because her face was everywhere at the time. After she told me about it, I did notice her face everywhere. But photoshop was a thing even back then, so I didn't recognize her from her ads and I really don't look at ads, tuning them out. I also didn't watch her TV show because it was in Mandarin Chinese and I don't speak or understand any Chinese, and I wasn't in a position where I was required to attend or arrange trade shows.
In the years prior to meeting me, Lilly had undergone a lot of plastic surgery (breast, eyelid, facial contouring, nose job, lipo, etc). She said it got to where she didn't recognize herself in the mirror and it disturbed and depressed her. She hadn't particularly wanted the surgery but she got the procedures done at the behest of her family who wanted her to bring in more money and the people in charge of her career development (don't know the term). It was all very expensive and she felt like she owed her family and the talent people who managed her.
Later, I found out that she hated the public recognition. Not just from men, but mostly from women who were really catty about her plastic surgery. The people in charge of her were pushing her to start singing but she didn't have a good voice and would need a bunch of training for that. She was depressed due to not recognizing herself in the mirror any more and didn't want to follow the career track that she had been on. They were pushing her to do more figure/body modeling which was why she was in the gym. She was SUPER uncomfortable with that and constantly hungry and pissed off.
She was afraid that she would do some more modeling and then get married off by her parents to some rich mainland Chinese man that she would be ambivalent about (she preferred Caucasian men) and she'd be forced to be a traditional pampered Chinese wife living in Beijing.(Doesn't sound that bad to me. Some of those Chinese businessmen live crazy luxurious lifestyles.
Since I was working a lot of overtime, I kept going to the gym later at night and we saw each other and I would wave and smile and she would smile and wave back. OK I was kinda hoping to meet her regularly. I spotted her on a couple of exercises and we began to chat with each other a bit. A couple of times I had to steady her because she was fainting from being hungry and working out at the same time. I used that as an excuse to take her out to a hawker center, which like a mall food court but with delicious local food (not chain restaurants). We chatted and got along really well. It became a regular thing until I confessed I had a crush on her. We started dating after that until it got to a point where she practically moved into my place.
She, of course, had her share of guys interested in her. She was on livejournal at the time (remember livejournal??) and she was doing that and posting pictures of herself for her career mostly, but I'm sure she did enjoy the attention. She had one guy from Belgium who was really after her. He actually bought her 800 thread count sheets, which is an oddly practical but vaguely inappropriate gift. He actually visited Singapore on business (he was a tech sales guy) and wanted to meet up with her in a public place, a hawker center. I still had trust issues from my previous "love of my life" betraying me. To this day, I cringe at my behavior at the time, but I laid down a clear boundary. She could absolutely go see and hang out with this guy if she wanted to, but if she did, she'd be doing it as a single available girl and we would be through. She said she saw my face "turn to stone" and it was clear that she would lose me if she went to meet up with that guy. That honestly gave her pause about our relationship and she really considered ending it at the time. I didn't know that until much later, though. Certainly, I'm glad that she didn't. She didn't go meet up with the guy. To this day, we call the incident "The Belgian Waffle". OK so I call it that, she thinks it's stupid.
Meeting her family
Eventually, Lilly asked if I could have dinner with her parents, saying that they wanted to meet me. I bought some gifts, basically Japanese cookies in really nice packaging, and then we met. I did the traditional thing and formally introduced myself and asked them about their family and history.
At the time, Lilly got some criticism from her extended family because I am a white guy. There was a certain stigma attached to local girls who liked white guys. They called those girls "SPGs" which stands for "Sarong Party Girls", a derogatory name for the prostitutes who would entertain British expats at after hours parties "back in the day".
Over the next few months, I won over her family mainly by eating their food and being accepting of their culture. I grew up in Texas, so pickled jalapenos were common in my house...like salt and pepper, we put them on everything. Later on, I was the kind of guy who put tabasco or sriracha on everything. So eating their spicy food was no problem for me. I remember us both going shopping at an open air market and seeing an older woman cutting up cili padi. I asked if I could try some. She looked at my pale face and then at Lilly and she said I could. I bit into one and chewed it up as the woman looked at me with an amused look on her face. She was waiting for me to jump up and down with fire shooting out of my mouth, I guess. I disappointed her, but she and Lilly were impressed. She later told her mother and she was impressed too. She wanted me to eat one for her as well. Oh well, trained monkey time I guess.
The real test came when I tried Durian for the first time. This is the same food that "defeated" Andrew Zimmern, the "Bizarre Foods" guy. I actually liked it. I had a D24 durian, which admittedly is like the "beginner version" of durians. There are like 16 different types. When you get past the smell and actually taste it, it doesn't smell that bad any more. It's very sweet and creamy. It's like the taste overwrites your disgust of the smell. I think that's what really impressed them to an extreme degree. They started calling me an "egg", because I was "white on the outside but yellow on the inside."
I would visit her grandmother with her. In true Chinese fashion, Lilly and her brother Johnny were raised by their paternal grandparents while their parents worked full time jobs, so her grandmother was like her mom. She was in an elder care facility at this point, though. She didn't like living there, but it was all they could afford. We would visit her every week and she'd be very happy. She didn't speak any English at all so she and Lilly would just chat speaking Hokkien Chinese while her grandmother would pet my hairy forearms like I was a dog. She was absolutely smitten with my hairy forearms.
Meeting my family
After a little over a year, I took her back to Texas to meet my family. It was quite the culture shock. Lilly was amazed by red barns and hay bales, black and white Holstein cows, things she saw in movies about the USA. She particularly was impressed by the cluster mailboxes lined up on country roads ("So cute, leh!") We actually had to stop the car and take pictures of her standing next to them, smiling goofily for the photo. I made sure to take her to the Texas hill country during spring, when the hills are covered with soft green grass and festooned with bluebonnets, sunflowers, indian paintbrushes, black eyed susans, daisies, etc. I had to practically hold her down to keep her from picking them. It's not illegal or anything, it's just frowned upon and tradition to leave them alone. OK, I let her pick some. Give me a break, I was in love with the girl.
Driving was also something that kind of boggled her mind. Texas is huge, and traveling from my parents' place to visit my brothers and their families was a seemingly endless trek. Driving from Houston to Austin, to Corpus Christi was crazy long, even with the stops to visit my relatives.
Lilly was practically agoraphobic at the big sky in Texas. She was used to being in a forest of tall concrete and steel buildings, with only strips of blue sky available at the top. In Texas that sky went from horizon to horizon. She was also amazed at the uncountable numbers of stars at night away from the city lights. She later told me it was like visiting Narnia or something.
In Texas, she got her share of looks from guys, especially in the bigger cities. I wasn't jealous. I've never been a jealous guy, although my experience with my ex "love of my life" really put my radar up, I still was proud that other guys were attracted to her. My attitude was "go ahead and eat your hearts out, she's with me!"
When she met my oldest brother, it was like a cultural thing with her, so she was very deferential and respectful. I knew that my oldest brother was attracted to her because he was stumbling and stuttering when he was speaking to her, looking at her but kind of avoiding looking at her. I wasn't too concerned because he was a married guy with 2 sons and not a scumbag, but it was still pretty amusing to see "Mr. Smooth-don't-let-em-know-you-want-em-kid" at a loss for words.
My parents met Lilly finally (she was super nervous but she did really well) and later my mom brought me aside and asked me if she should re-set her mother's diamond engagement ring. I thought about it a bit, and then told her "yes". My mom's eyes started sparkling with images of unborn grandchildren and she smiled bigger than I had ever seen her smile (kind of unsettling actually). My dad later brought me aside and basically told me I couldn't do any better and I would be a "god damn fool" if I let her get away from me. I agreed. My dad then told me something that remains with me to this day: "She will make your life sparkle, son." (she has).
Before our time in the US was up my mom gave me the ring and I asked Lilly to be my wife in a field of wildflowers, which had become her favorite place to be in Texas. She said yes. Looking back, that was one of the happiest days of my life. It was up there with losing my virginity to "the love of my life" (who turned out to be a duplicitous crazy person but at the time it was really special), my wedding day to Lilly, and the births of our children.
The Engagement
When we got back to Singapore we had to pretend we weren't engaged because I had to ask her parents for their daughter's hand in marriage. I spoke with them and explained how my prospects in my career were good. I told them that I loved their daughter and that my family also loved their daughter. We had to schedule a phone call between my parents and her parents.
I had clued my parents in as far as the traditions go. In Chinese culture, the groom pays for the wedding rather than the bride. The groom also has to give the bride's parents certain auspicious gifts. My parents luckily had done a tour of China a few years before and knew all of this beforehand, having befriended their local tour guide who was saving up money for his own wedding at the time. On the call, they agreed upon a pinjin, which is basically "betrothal money". We started to plan the Guo Da Li ceremony which would take place in 3 months time, and 3 months before the wedding.
Unfortunately life threw us a curve ball and Lilly's grandmother died. It was bittersweet because, while Lilly missed her, her grandmother had become very old and infirm to the point where her quality of life was pretty low. All wedding stuff was put on hiatus until the funeral was over plus 100 days for mourning.
After that, we were able to do the Guo Da Li ceremony. I gave my future in laws a red packet of money plus special cakes and 12 mandarin oranges and gold jewelry. It all went very well.
Wedding planning started in earnest. I got some money from my dad (who insisted) but the lion's share was out of my pocket. During this process I was able to meet some incredible people. The stand outs were Richard and Jimmy. Rich and Jimmy were tailors and dressmakers. They were a couple and they gave my fiancée a really good deal on a wedding dress and cocktail dress if she agreed to do some print modeling for their business. They also made me a tuxedo and a suit. I offered to model for them as well and we all had a good laugh at that prospect (OK they were doing most of the laughing - ego still hurts from that one, guys).
The venue we were using was Chijmes. It's the same one used in the move "Crazy Rich Asians". It was back when they had first started offering it up as a venue so it wasn't crazy expensive at the time. Plus, it was a smaller venue for weddings. Usually weddings are held in large hotel ballrooms and are huge affairs (this is what I was told). The families both invite everyone they've ever met to come: Neighbors, business contacts, everyone. They all bring red packets filled with cash. We opted for the "small" wedding.
The Bachelor Party
We had planned bachelobachelorette parties on the same night (separate venues). Lilly's MOH threw hers while Rich and Jimmy threw mine. My best man was my dad (because he's the best man that I know) and so cigars and brandy would have been disappointing to my work friends and my future brother in law and cousins. I don't think anyone was prepared for what happened.
We had the party at the sushi restaurant of a friend of Rich and Jimmy's. It was after hours. We had some incredible sashimi and rolls. I even tried fish sperm. Didn't like it. I asked Jimmy are you sure it's FISH, sperm?? He said of course he'd never do that to me. To be fair, it did taste and smell very fishy. I don't know how human sperm tastes like (or maybe I do now, I don't know).
After the sushi was done, it was time for the entertainment, and oh boy. Rich and Jimmy hired a trans entertainer who sang show tunes. The thing is, she had an incredible voice. She was obviously biologically male, but she really carried herself with a lot more femininity than I've seen from biological women. She sang and told jokes and roasted me pretty thoroughly. My dad was there and he thought it was funny as hell. My friends from work, especially the Aussies and Brits, thought it was great, my future BIL and most of my future cousins did too. Other cousins politely excused themselves and left. I think the free flowing booze and beer kept most people there, though.
After her thoroughly entertaining performance, it was time for the dancers. This is kind of where it went off the rails. Rich and Jimmy hired exotic dancers...but they were all male or trans. Now, to be fair, it wasn't like they didn't tell me about it beforehand. They did. Personally, I thought it would be hilarious to announce that the strippers were here and then have male dancers come out. I have a twisted sense of humor, I suppose. I certainly wasn't going to cheat on the most beautiful woman in the world mere weeks before our wedding, so prostitutes and female dancers were completely out of the question for me. They jokingly suggested male dancers it and we laughed. I thought about it a bit and I guess I'm "take-the-joke-too-far" guy so I encouraged it. Lilly knew about it and thought it was funny as well and wanted me to video tape it while it happened. ("Yeah right you just want to ogle the dancers" "Of course, lah!")
What I wasn't prepared for was the PLATOON of banana hammocks that marched out into the restaurant. Smooth greased up Asian chests everywhere! My dad was of course shocked at first and then looked at me and we started laughing and the ridiculousness of it. My dad stood up and clapped his hand on my shoulder and put a mock serious look on his face. The people immediately around me witnessed my dad telling me that he loved me and accepted my life style choice and that nothing I could say or do would ever change the fact that he and mom loved me and accepted me. Thanks, dad. I was laughing during the whole thing and my future BIL and work buddies who were around me were laughing as well. My dad excused himself and said he had to go find my mom and tell her the "bad news about her future grandchildren" and left ("Can adopt, lah! Can surrogate, meh!" Thanks for the support, guys). My future BIL laughed and said that since all of the available male dancers were at my party, there were none available to attend his sister's party, so she was "safe".
Among the highlights of the evening is that I discovered that a few of my co-workers and future cousins were in fact gay. I was told to stay out of the ladies' room no matter what. I wasn't planning on going in but thanks for the warning. I was proud that we all only vomited in the trash cans and not on the floor (what a waste of some damn good sushi....and fish sperm). Rich and Jimmy stayed next to each other all night. I even saw them holding hands and looking at each other lovingly. To my shame, I was under the common misconception that all gay men were very promiscuous and I kind of expected them to pair off with the dancers. What I saw that night was a very loving monogamous relationship.
The Wedding Day
The day of the wedding came a few days later and I had the good fortune of being the first one in my family to experience the fun and interesting experience of a groom going through a Chinese-style wedding. I say "Chinese-style" because while we did do a lot of the traditions from a Chinese wedding, we did say vows to God before a Christian minister. This was something she insisted on as her family had converted from Taoism to Christianity (but still kept the Taoist traditions and festivals).
First up was the gatecrash. I went over to the her family's apartment and the MOH and bridesmaids stood at the door refusing to let me in unless I gave them $9999.00. Nine is a significant symbol to them. It means "longevity" I think. So the whole idea is for me to haggle the price down by doing challenges and games. I had to do a handstand and walk with my hands. I had to answer trivia questions ("What is her nickname for you?" "Cranky old man" "What is your nickname for her?" "Baby"). BIL and I had to do "the worm". I haggled them down to $99 which I paid to them in a red packet. My BIL and wife chided me for not going lower but my dad was there and was in his 70s and couldn't do any feats of strength.
After I "secured" my bride, we did the traditional tea ceremony with her parents and my parents. Lilly was dressed in a traditional red silk qipao, tailor made by Rich and Jimmy. I gotta tell you people, the qipao really does it for me! Not gonna lie, it was like cupid gut punched me when I saw her dressed in it . My parents were pretty stoic throughout but my mom sympathy cried with Lilly's parents when she tearfully did the tea ceremony with her mother and father. We received red packets from each set of parents. I was told the red packet her parents gave us had most of the bride price we paid in it. Her mom gave her her grandmother's jeweled antique watch and my mom gave her a sapphire ring (sapphire is my birth stone). As we left her home to go to Chijmes, I told her "we're keeping that dress, understand me??" She laughed.
We got to Chijmes, did the photos and she walked down the aisle in a beautiful white dress with a small train behind it with sequins on it. My dad gave me the ring. He was my best man. He was my best man because he's the best man I know. After the wedding, she changed into a champagne colored strapless cocktail dress another Rich and Jimmy original. THREE wardrobe changes, people! THREE! All with different hair and make up and she did it super quick. I don't know what wizardry was invoked but we may be indebted to the hoary netherworld.
We honeymooned at the Fullerton Hotel. The old British colonial Post Office was converted to a luxury hotel in 2001. We stayed there for 3 days ordering overpriced room service ("Go to hawker center, lah! Much cheaper better food, meh!).
Emigration and Immigration
So a little bit before this time, a little event happened in New York. You might have heard about it. Anyway because some sexually repressed incels decided to murder thousands of people, USA's immigration was all jacked up. The INS went bye-bye. Then we had the BCIS for a brief moment, followed by the USCIS. I saw that my project was ending and my company helped me with her immigration. It was a pain, though. It seems like we had new forms to fill out every week while the old ones became obsolete. That's how I remember it, anyway. It was a pretty frustrating time and I almost had to leave her behind (it wouldn't have been permanent but it would be a long time). Luckily we were able to make it time.
For explanation purposes, we didn't get LEGALLY married in Singapore. We had the religious ceremony but no "government contracts" were involved. This is because, at that time at least, it was easier to bring over a fiancée than a wife, for some reason. So Lilly was a "90 Day Fiancée"!! We got married at the county courthouse when we finally were able to go to my new project. We didn't wait 90 days. We did in three (jet lag).
Unfortunately for her, we moved from Singapore, a 24 hour international class city, to a sleepy seaside town in the USA near a military base. Lots of fun was had with that. A total fish out of water story for another time (What is this "coin laundry"? Do you Americans have a place to wash your coins?).
My BIL got married to a beautiful girl and moved to Australia and opened a Bait and Tackle store in Surfer's Paradise on the east coast of Australia. He has 2 daughters. In 2012 he was caught cheating on his wife and lost everything. She moved back to Singapore with his kids, and he kind of struggled for a while. He got another bait and tackle store eventually and tries to see his daughters whenever he can. They don't have a good relationship.
Rich and Jimmy celebrated the decriminalization of homosexuality in Singapore in 2022, but they still can't get married. We still talk from time to time. Writing this, I find myself missing them. I had some really fun times because of them. I've never had better conversations in Singapore than with them while at Lilly's dress fittings (and my suit fittings).
We have been married for 21 years. She has never given up being a Singaporean citizen. She keeps her passport current. She's a "permanent resident" here in the USA. We have three kids, two boys and a girl. We are still married. She still wears her hair in a pony tail with a ball cap when she works out. She still wears that qipao on special occasions, which I try to achieve as often as possible. She's still my Baby and I'm still her Cranky Old Man.
Thanks for reading.

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I joined this subreddit a week now, and I kept on reading your "articles" or stories everyday and everytime I get a chance. Sorry if my entry/story is magulo, I just wanted to out my thoughts here.
I had been a member since birth, and handog. A PNK choir, an adult choir member, a secretarial and finance. Was really an inc member cliché. Napaka-aktibo, as they say.. then,
I was expelled 8yrs ago because they said I had a relationship with a ministry student, and they didnt have proof of it, only the letter that was submitted to them. And I know the person who wrote that letter for me to get expelled, and I felt betrayed by that person knowing we were close. Anyways, I wrote a letter to central a couple of times because my parents and my family expected me to do so. That time I was already feeling that I didn't want to go back but since I feared to be disowned, I just tried.
And so 6years ago, i was accepted again. I eagerly went back to my obligations, choir, secretarial and finance. And I successfully had them back..However after a few months I felt that fulfilling those obligations weren't really important to me. I didn't pay attention anymore to any of those, till such time I let them all go. So my parents were disappointed because after everything I had been through, I had got the chance to have my old duties but I just let them go. However, my parents understood that I had to let them go, because my dad said maybe I was overwhelmed for now because I just got back and they said maybe in the future I can fulfill my duties again. And upto to this time, they always gulit trip me because I still didn't go back to my duties..
I was in a different lokal congregation than my parents, because the destinado in the lokal I had my "balikloob" journey was a close friend of the family, and so it was (maybe) easy for my parents to ask for favors from him. And that lokal was very far from our home, so the katiwala didnt mind visiting me at our house since malayo nga daw bahay namin, and since my parents were active members, they didnt doubt that I was going to skip services..
But then, I started to skip church. I attended Thursday service, but every sunday I just wore my finance uniform and skip the service... and my parents were thinking I was going to attend church, but no I went anywhere and had breakfast and ate inside my car (because I didn't want those kapatids to see me loittering). It was a nice feeling that I wasn't forced to go to church, and I felt spiritually free.
Then things changed, I met someone who is not inc. And I told him that i was, but he said it was okay and that person was willing to convert. Don't bash me, but I really wanted to get married inside the church (structure) because the interiors are beautiful. So thats the only reason I wanted to be wed in inc. So he got converted and we got married, after the marriage we had been skipping few of the services in a month, and partner didnt mind. Till one day he told me that we had to be religious with our church services because one time he had this "blessing" that he prayed for and he received. So from that moment, we never skipped any services, and my partner became active with the cfo activities, which made me rolll my eyes at him but I accepted.
Last time I asked if what will my partner do if I wanted to stop being an inc, and he said he will follow me. Because I was the reason he became one and there was no reason anymore that he will stay. So gumaan ang pakiramdam ko, na atleast sya sasama sya sa akin. But I still couldnt do it because of my parents, hindi pa naman ako natotoxican sa parents ko kasi akala nila active kami or devoted pa ako. We just attended church but I was only hearing and not listening. Siguro I attended church solely for attendance nalang and to just show my parents (because lumipat kami sa lokal na malapit sa amin, na dun nakatala parents ko).
I started cutting down the amount of our offerings last week, because of the thoughts from your stories. Thank you sa stories niyo (trapped members), dahil nalaman ko na hindi pala ako nag iisa na ganito ang feeling.
I dont hate inc, I just wanted to get out of it. What I stand for now, is not what they are teaching. Sabi ko nga sa asawa ko, when my parents leave this world, maybe thats the time na aalis tayo sa inc. I just have to deal with it.. So far, I'm okay with attending the service, wala pa naman kami experience na dinadalaw kami at tinotoxic ng mga MT. But hopeful na someday makaalis kami.

Nameet ko sya during review for board exam and that was before I met my partner (now husband). We helped each other during that time at kahit madalas syang di pumapasok, naging close pa rin kami. Our friendship continued even after the exam though sadly, she didn’t pass. We cried about it but we were still grateful we gained a friend in each other. She was there for me when my 10-year relationship ended, and also when I started dating my partner now.
At first she was happy about it because she knows what I went through. It also made me happy that her partner and my partner are in the same religion. She gave me advice na hindi nga daw madali yung relationship nila since yung religion ng partners namin, madalas kailangang magpa-convert to marry them. She also came from a family with strong religious beliefs that’s why she did not convert for her partner, and her partner did not convert for her so they got married in a civil wedding. Aside from her family, I was her only friend who went.
I, on the other hand, was born and raised in a Christian family and my partner knows that very well even before nanligaw sya. To cut the story short, he was the one who converted for me ng kusang loob and I’m so grateful to him for that. Turns out though strict yung religion nila when it comes to these things, he was not used to practicing it. Upon sharing to her na nagpaconvert and partner ko, that’s when I noticed things turned sour because she was all negative about it. Sinasabi nya sa simula lang yan, babalik din yan sa nakasanayan nyang religion, and that’s when I wondered why she was too judgmental about him when she barely knows him. Although I have already introduced them to each other, they have yet to meet in a sit-down kind of setting.
Eventually, her unsolicited comments about my life are getting out of hand and that’s when I started to feel like I had to cut off ties with her.
About a year before I started ghosting her, she told me she took a Master’s Degree for Civil Engineering. I might not have understood her choices at that time because she did not pass the CE licensure exam yet, still, I was happy she’s taking steps for learning but all of a sudden, she told me I should enroll too dahil “napag-iiwanan” na daw ako. At first, I took it lightly because I knew I wanted to tackle things on my own pace. I just said was fine and I wanted to take a break from studying (since I just got my 2nd PRC license that year because I needed it for work), but she did not stop there and told me that the licenses I hold are all oversaturated and that a master’s degree is better. In the first place, I did not even compare because I know we wanted to do different things. That’s when I really started seeing the red flags and thought to myself “why tell me that when she can’t even get the CE license herself”, but no, I never told her that.
It was also when she got married that the conversation turned to something like “Di na ako makarelate sa conversations natin, shift na tayo to mature topics. Level up ka din, mag-asawa ka na.” as if staying single is immature, and that’s all while complaining na ang mahal na daw ng bayarin nila. Of course, my partner and I were already talking about settling down but privately lang, lowkey lang kasi kami. “Ang bagal ng partner mo, hiwalayan mo na yan”, dahil hindi pa nagpopropose eh 2 years pa lang naman kami non. Joke or not, my partner does not deserve to be badmouthed like that by someone I call a friend! He’s a great guy, sobrang mabait, responsable at mabuting tao. I can’t even complain one thing because he genuinely treats me so well and I really respect him kaya nasaktan ako.
That’s when I decided to completely cut her off because our friendship is longer giving a sense of purpose in my life. I want to value friendships that embody support and positivity, hindi yung hindi ka na nirerespeto pati ang mga taong mahalaga sayo.
ABYG dahil ghinost ko na sya agad without explanation? Non-confrontational kasi akong tao. Also ABYG kasi I did not invite her to my wedding earlier this year? Sometimes I feel bad about it, but whenever I come back and read our old conversations, it genuinely feels like I did the right thing.

Khilona 1970 I don't know the whole story and don't want this spoiled I just know that the man with the mental illness from fireworks at a wedding ends up rapping the female protagonist.
Lal Patthar 1971 the main character is revealed to have killed his lovers friend mistaking him to want her when he doesn't.
Dil se 1998 getting blown up together or dying just like Romeo and Juliet
Talaash 2012 Kareena Kapoor character was dead all long and I think so was amir khan character it just did a six sense instead
Disclaimer: although I've never watched khilona apart from the beautiful Mohammad Rafi song in full or talaash at all, I think these are still very dark films with Lal patthar having one of the darkest plot twists and ending
Other spoilers just give warning first but otherwise no problem 👍❤️
Please can you comment in English as I only understand Bollywood songs in Hindi though audio and transliteration of lyrics but I don't understand how to speak,read or write in Hindi, Punjabi or Urdu Thanks Salaam, namaste and Sat Sri Akaal to everyone
https://images.app.goo.gl/7jQqSrpQU79iuKhs7 https://images.app.goo.gl/jM5Q1ri9RgJYSJpu7 https://images.app.goo.gl/39XGjyGUbujmFunp8

I am 20 years old (currently), male, gay, general category, Delhi resident, middle class family background. Had been an average student till 7th grade, when I decided to study hard. Became a topper. Had been good with painting, so wanted to become an artist (mom fully supported me in this). Someone suggested I join FIITJEE since I was so passionate for science. Gave the admission test, got 100% scholarship for their 4 year classroom program (9th - 12th standard). Gave JSTSE in 9th, became one of the Delhi state toppers. Had initially aimed at being a researcher but realising how shit the scope is in India, shifted my goal to JEE by 10th.
Scored 98.6% in 10th boards. My performance in FIITJEE had started to decline, as I was put in their topper batch. Gave NTSE, couldn't even clear Stage 1.
COVID hit right after 10th boards (I'm from 2022 batch). Got into 11th, chose PCMB + Painting (I've been very gifted in painting and sketching, so took it too). Big mistake. It became too much to handle. Classes were online, I became complacent and lazy. Didn't study much for JEE. Wasted my time on debating tournaments and other co-curricular activities instead. Had been gymming since 10th, but because COVID vaccine wasn't available for below 18 people back then, wasn't vaccinated and stopped gymming too. Became a bit chubby. Before this I was fit enough to turn the girls’ heads in my school and be the subject of their gossips (of course I wasn't interested in any girl, wanted a boyfriend imstead). I have a decent height by Indian standards, 5’10”.
Gave KVPY in 11th. Couldn't accomplish shit in it, since I hadn't studied AT ALL. Got a 92% in 11th.
Got into 12th.
Integration and calculus messed me up big time. I realised that this isn't what I'm made for, I can't do math with actual passion and rigour. Realised I can't do JEE. Missed out on FIITJEE AITS, lied about it at home. Didn't even solve basic modules. COVID had really altered my perspectives on life. I realised becoming a doctor by giving NEET would be much better. I took this decision right before my 12th boards. Mom had always been a huge support and had always sacrificed a lot. But this sudden change shocked her and she fell ill. Still, she supported me in this decision.
Gave NEET 2022. Messed it up big time. Got a rank in the 80k-ish. Was sort of expecting it. Had already made up my mind that taking a drop would be better.
Joined Aakash. Messed up their admission test, so got 0% scholarship. Mom was angry, but went along with my decisions.
Initially I enjoyed Aakash. But then realised that all the stuff they're teaching is too complex for it to ever come in NEET. So I stopped being regular in the classes. Within 3 months I stopped going to Aakash at all.
Big mistake. Should have been consistent. NEET 2023 was approaching. I hadn't studied ANYTHING properly, had wasted most of my time (which I'll tell you how). Within the last 15 days, I prepared as hard as I could. Was on the verge of breakdown, because I wasn't crossing even 600 in Aakash full-syllabus AIATS towards the end. Still, worked very hard in those last days.
Gave NEET 2023. It didn't go well. I was aiming for a Delhi Medical Government College. Even though I had prepared for only 15 days, I got decent marks, but I was sure they weren't enough to get me a Delhi Government Medical College. Why did I want a Delhi Government Medical College so bad?
Because the guy I loved stays in Delhi, and I didn't want to leave him. I was ready to put everything on the line for him, and decided that if I didn't get a Delhi Government Medical College in NEET 2023, I'll give NEET 2024. I could do anything for him. Had wasted a lot of my time in 11th and 12th and my drop year, in visiting and spending time with him. If at this point if you're thinking I'm a girl, I'm not. I'm a gay man.
Long story short, NEET 2023 results were announced. I was devasted, I was expecting a rank between 3700-4500, (by Aakash’s Rank Predictor Tool). I got a rank somewhere in 7-8k (can't tell you the exact rank ofc or you'll find me) because of rank inflation. I was sure this wasn't enough to get a Delhi Government Medical College. (Of course the rank inflation in 2024 isn't even comparable to what it was in 2023, mad respect to all those who gave NEET this year)
Decided to take another drop, for NEET 2024, against my mom's wishes. She had had enough of me making my own decisions. She suffered the most because of my past decisions. Told me she had lost all faith in me. Nonetheless, I was sure of what I wanted. I joined an Aakash Rest Series for NEET 2024, decided to study by myself.
Regardless of all this, I did sit for counselling to see if getting a Delhi Government Medical College is even possible.
1st Round. Got a govt college in Kolkata. Didn't want that.
Round 2. Filled only Delhi govt college as my choices, so didn't get any.
Round 3. By this time I was sure I won't be getting anything in Delhi, and a drop for NEET 24 was written in my fate.
No college allotted in Round 3. Mom was collapsing, she had fallen ill. My boyfriend during this time had been both a huge support, as well as a huge trouble, because he was looking to date other guys. On the whole, this was a very hard time, and it won't be false to say that I was mildly at the point of kms too. But carried on.
Sat for stray round, with the same choices filled, like a fool. I could have easily gotten a Mumbai govt med college or any other GMC etc in Bengaluru, Chennai, any metropolitan city. But like a madman I wanted Delhi ONLY to be with my boyfriend.
And Voila. I got a Delhi Government Medical College. In the last round of counselling.
My message is: Don't lose hope. Just be sure of what you want. I know that seems funny coming from a guy who pivoted from JEE to NEET at the last moment. But even when you change your decision, commit to it fully. Yes I could have performed better in NEET 2023, and avoided lot of mental stress, but since the ‘end’s well, all's well’ (which is what my mom tells me now). Life will take you to the lowest of your lows, and to horribly dark places, but if luck be by your side, and you work sincerely enough, with good intentions, life will give you a ray of hope. I believe my story is also very relevant for queer JEENEETards. We exist, and we are everywhere, and we struggle just as much with exam preparation, as with the world’s prejudice against us.
(If you're still reading:) OtheFurther developments:
Physical: Had joined a gym in my drop year, so that had taken most of time too. At least was able to learn advanced techniques of gymming better. Built back a decent body. Now it's getting better. I have a body fat percentage of 12%, at almost 70kg weight. Can deadlift 50kg, leg press 180kg, chest press 45kg, and dumbbell curl 10kg (each). Now I do make heads turn in college too, but again, I'm not interested in girls.
Med school life: I now travel daily by metro to my college. That feeling of hearing the metallic clanging as the metro halts, while I have an Anatomy textbook in my hand, is a privilege not many will get to know, I know. Both luck, and whatever little hardwork I had put in, have played a huge role in what I am today, of course secondary to the sacrifices made by my mother. We're a middle class family and Delhi govt medical colleges have very low fees, and no bond policies, so it's perfect. The academics here are super tough and it gets very hectic, but I love every moment of it. I have somehow never failed in any test yet in college (except for a single Anatomy one, which I did pass cumulatively with practical marks). I'm now preparing for my profs (finals).
I used to feel I could have gotten a better Delhi govt med college but seeing the 2024 NEET result, my college and the daily grind feels like heaven. Eager to meet the incoming juniors since there IQs are gonna be through the roof, with the cutoffs for my college maybe going upto 700 marks this time.
Hobbies and love life: I paint still whenever I can. Have represented my college in various intercollege fests and won awards. You'll be surprised how many cash awards you can earn by winning at these fests, since they get rich sponsors. Mom still tells me to become an artist and pursue BFA (she may be the only mother in India who would prefer her son being an artist rather than a doctor, and I love her for it). College is making me explore drama, fashion, and reviving a lost love for debating and writing. I love reading and writing poetry too, in both English and Hindi/Urdu.
I go for clubbing almost every Saturday night. Yes, I hookup too, with guys only. Don't worry, I get tested for STDs regularly. Wish to explore things with a girl too. My boyfriend has left me, which is ok. I'd love to have a girlfriend or a boyfriend now. I'm meeting a lot many new LGBTQ+ folks in Delhi, which is very exciting for me. You'll be surprised to know how many LGBTQ+ doctors and med students are here in Delhi. But of course, they have to stay closeted because of the rampant homophobia in the profession.
TL;DR: I fucked up my life but somehow got it back on track.

This happened way back when we were still in senior high school. Isang grupo kami ng mga lalaki at babae.
I wouldn’t really say na we’re the “cool kids”, pero siguro one may consider it since lahat ng boys namin ay mga varsity, tas yung ibang girls na kasama sa tropa are rich kids.
Anyway, okay naman kami lahat sa una. Lagi kami magkakasama, kumakain sa labas pag may time, pumupunta sa bahay ng isang tropa after school para mag chill lang.
Pero nung tumagal tagal, simula nung masyado na ata sila naging comfortable enough to show their other sides, hindi na ako masyado nakiki join kasi hindi ako supportado or “in” sa mga pinag gagawa nila.
One example, may last subject kami noon na reporting lang naman gagawin ng isang group for an activity. Since reporting na naman yon, nag ayaan sila na mag cutting at pumunta sa isang tourist spot na at least an hour way sa school. As a grade-conscious student, hindi ako sumama kasi may grade yung attendance (hahaha), saka minsan kase nagpapasurprise quiz yung prof namin na yon so ayoko rin ma-miss if ever.
Hanggang sa nasunod na yun ng iba pang situation like naging sobrang tamad na sila sa pag-aaral, pag may quizzes kami, hindi sila nag-aaral, naasa lang sila sa mga honor student naming tropa (aka me and another girl). Nung una nagpapakopya pa ako kasi naawa ako, I understand na varsity sila ganon, late na umuwi at pagod from training (kasi varsity din naman ako noon), pero nung mas napagod na ako sa acads, parang narealize ko na ang unfair din pala for me, lalo na minsan nalalaman ko na mas mataas pa nakukuha nilang score minsan kesa sakin.
Hindi na rin ako nakakasama sa mga gala kase madalas nag aaya sila kapag galing sa sobrang nakakapagod na araw, eh syempre mas gugustuhin kong makauwi pag ganon kase mas gusto ko na lang matulog.
Moving forward, they had their own favorites sa circle. Meron din namang may favorite sa akin, or so I thought.
Pinaka nag tampo akong moment is nung may nangyari palang surprise birthday sa isa naming tropa sa isang restaurant. Lahat sila nandoon maliban sa akin. So imagine na dalawa kami ng birthday celebrant na-surprise. Ang nakakatampo kasi ay magkakasama naman kaming lahat buong araw, kase yun yung mga panahon din na tinatry ko nang bumawi sa mga di ko pag sama noon. And wala manlang nag sabi sakin kahit pabulong na may ganon palang plano.
Baka dahil bata lang ako, pero umiyak ako that time sa kwarto, kaya ko lang din nalaman actually ay dahil nakita ko story ng isa naming tropa.
Pinaka breaking point ko siguro is nung meron kaming isang tropa na nag breakdown na sa harap namin kasi daw she felt “left out” na, in short nae-experience niya rin lahat ng naeexperience ko (kaya rin siya lagi nakadikit sakin, yes napansin ko yon pero shut up lang ako kasi alam ko feeling ng mag-isa at baka di lang siya sanay). Sobra akong na-offend sa sinagot sakanya ng isa naming “friend” na sabi “bakit ka naman mafefeel na left out? Eh eto ngang si my name lagi ‘di nakakasama sa mga galaan at kwentuhan pero wala naman kaming narinig sakanya?”
Naiyak ulit ako that time pag-uwi kasi narealize ko na nakikita naman pala nila ako, at alam din nilang left out friend na ako, pero hindi manlang din sila nag initiate na lapitan or kausapin ako to improve our friendship. Ako lang lagi nag eeffort.
At that time, sabi ko na lang na parang ang unhealthy na ng “friendship” namin kasi kumbaga sa isang relationship, ako na lang pala lagi nage-effort para mag work.
So I just cut them off silently. After grad, yung iba sakanila naging IG mutuals na lang kami. Yung iba na ‘di ko talaga close, in-unfollow ko na rin.
Pasensya na lang kung masyadong mahaba yung kwento ko pero I just wanna share na now, my new circle is smaller pero true and loyal naman kami sa isa’t isa.
Sila rin yung first and only circle ko na nakakaintindi ng introvert behavior ko na may moments na bigla lang akong mananahimik kase ubos na social battery ko (with no explanations needed ‘cause they get it agad).
I hope if you’re also the type of person na na-experience din itong na-exp ko, just hold on tight kasi you will also meet your own people who will accept and understand you as you.

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Part 1: https://www.reddit.com/adviceph/s/O1DxQwmvSJ
I feel like I owe everyone a more detailed explanation, and update. Please spare more time to read para naman mas maliwanagan ang lahat.
As per what the majority advised to me, I posted the side of my story to our campus secret files I even put also his name and department so that everybody will know the truth, unfortunately my letter were declined (siguro) because it’s already been 4 days sineen lang ang letter ko, ang hula it’s because of his connections since he is a known student in our campus and has a lot of friends and connections. I knew from a friend of mine that one of the admin of the page is his friend, kaya malamang nasabihan na kaagad siya. As I checked din, ‘yung post and sharedposts niya na parinig sa’kin ay deleted na. Natakot ‘ata since sinabi ko sa letter ko na nagbabalak akong mag file ng case against him for public degradation if his shareposts and his friend’s humiliation occur.
I feel like I owe everyone a more detailed explanation, honestly for the whole 3 months na nangligaw siya, I can say galante po si guy. Palagi siyang bumibili ng pagkain kapag pumupunta siya sa bahay namin, buwan-buwan din naman akong may gift sakanya like flowers, chocolates, mga damit, make up at lahat po ng iyon ay hindi ko hiningi kusa niyang ibinibigay sa’kin, kaya sa tingin ko dahil ginagawa niya sa’kin e ineexpect niyang gagawin ko rin sakanya. He came from a well family kaya hindi ko inexpect na ako ang magbabayad sa restu na pinili niya, tsaka usually ng dates namin ay siya naman ang nagbabayad Kaya pakiramdam ko rin may utang akong explanation sakaniya, kaya hindi ko narin napigilang isipin pa kung GG ba ako’t hindi ko rin sinabi sakanya kaagad kung anong reason nang hindi ko pagpaparamdam. At some point, naiintindihan kong ganuon ang naging reaction niya sa hindi ko pagpaparamdam, pero lalo lang akong nadisappoint sa kaya niyang gawin. At sa totoo lang hindi pa ako nakakatanggap ng mga ganuong salita sa buong buhay ko “Sana mabuntis, huwag maka-graduate, paasa, manggagamit..” he lets his friend throw those degrading words on me, I only see clearer NO.
I blocked him in all of my social media accounts. Parang na-drain din ako sa haba ng text na ginawa ko para mag confess sa secret files namin at na-decline lang. Honestly, itong pagc-confess ay hindi ko ugali. Hindi rin ako pala-post o pala kwentong tao. Payapa naman na ang buhay ko nitong nag daang mga araw, simula nung mag decide akong mag send ng letter sa secret file ng school namin. Base sa mga connections ko, wala na siyang mga patama sa sharedposts niya, hindi ko na rin naman dinadamdam yung perang nawala sa’kin nung mga nakaraan, ilang beses ko siyang naii-spotan sa labas ng building ng department ko pero ako nalang din ang umiiwas sa usual spot na nakikita ko siya at nadaan nalang sa iba, basta ayoko na talaga, hindi na ako comfortable sa pinaparamdam niya sa’kin. Ang gusto ko nalang mangyari ay ang tumigil siya at kung maaari maging strangers nalang ulit kami sa isa’t-isa
Pero kahapon kakagising ko lang mga bandang alas-kwarto ng hapon, nakita ko siya sa sala namin pinapasok pala siya ng Tita ko. Alam ng kapatid at mommy ko ang nangyare sa’min maliban kay Tita dahil kahapon lang din ang uwi niya galing Tarlac, malakas talaga itong ex-suitor ko sakanila originally dahil nung pinapayagan ko pa siyang manligaw, talagang sinusubukan niyang maging malapit sa mga relatives ko. Kahapon, may dala siyang bulaklak at sobre, wala akong choice kun’di ang kausapin nalang din siya dahil sa tingin ko hindi rin siya aalis n’on kung hindi ko siya haharapin. Tsaka gusto ko rin kasing mabawi talaga ang nagastos ko hehehe
Base sa kanya, gusto raw niyang bayaran yung nagastos ko sa restaurant nung school fest. Hinahayaan ko lang siyang mag salita nang mag salita, at talagang pinapakita kong gusto ko nang matapos ‘yong usap na ‘yon. Humingi siya ng sorry at pasensya sa lahat ng ginawa niya, nasaktan lang daw talaga siya na parang ganun ganun lang siya sa’kin. Akala raw niya na okey lang sa’king ako muna ang magbabayad, late na raw niya napansin na hindi niya pala talaga dala ang wallet at cards niya. Nagsisisi daw siya na nag post siya sa scret files ng school namin at sa mga nasabi ng mga kaibigan niya.
Hindi na talaga ako comfortable kaya tinanggap ko nalang yung sobre at bulaklak saka nagpaalam akong magp-prepare na para sa trabaho. Halatang may gusto pa siyang sabihin n’on pero hindi ko na talaga hinintay na sumagot siya at umakyat na ako. Okey na ako na nabawi ko na pera ko, hindi narin naman siya nags-sharedpost o nagpaparinig, okey na ako ruon. Ayoko na ring maubos pa ang energy at patience ko para ipaabot pa ito sa pagsasampa ng kaso gusto ko lang maging mapayapa talaga. Pakiramdam ko rin talaga na hindi ako naging responsableng tao at some point, kaya it-take ko nalang ‘to as a lesson.
Marami akong nababasang comment na talagang galit na galit kay guy, pakiramdam ko hindi ko nabigyan ng mas malinaw na detalye ang mga nangyare. Ayoko nalang din na mag tanim pa ng sama ng loob sa kahit na sino at mabuhay nalang ng walang isipin pa. Maraming salamat po sa comments ninyong lahat pero ito…
GGBA?? Na deserve naman niyang bigyan ng malinaw na explanation pero bigla akong hindi nagparamdam?? After all marami siyang mabubuting nagawa sa’kin at sa family ko, GG ba ako dahil nung pinabayad niya ako sa restau, e ghinost ko na siya. GG ba ako’t hindi ako nakipag communicate nang maayos sa naramdaman ko at nag proceed ako sa ghosting??

I've been thinking about this for a long time now. And I'm finally posting this.
What I want is a serious relationship. I am also date to marry, I am not getting any younger so I want someone who's going to be my person. I have a lot of stories to tell especially mga ganap sa work, iba pa rin yung may makakausap ka na someone permanent at the end of the day. Hopefully may mahanap, if wala, baka 'di ito for me haha. If you're bored or need mo ng makakausap for a few days lang, please ignore this na lang. I want someone genuine.
About me:

• I like books, I like reading. Currently reading once upon a broken heart and I'm in love with the quote "I believe there are far more possibilities than happily ever after or tragedy. Every story has the potential for infinite endings"
  I also love Jess Rothenberg's Catastrophic History of You and Me "War is sweet to those who have never fought"
  
• I have pets. So sana you also like them.
  
• I watch anime, kdrama and series. I also need reco huhu but I'm going to watch Better Call Saul, baka next week, tinatamad pa ko ngayon
  
• I play games, CODm and wildrift, so if you also play, let's play together
  
• Working
  
• I'm 5'4, slim, morena and pleasing to the eyes, but you be the judge
  

About you:

• 25-29
• Catholic
• 5'7 and up only, and hindi chubby, pref lang naman ito
• Emotionally and Financially stable
• Pogi sana huhu or cute
• Not chubby please
• I hope you don't curse, because I can't tolerate another verbal abuse
• Willing to enter in ldr relationship, so I hope sana malapit ka sakin because I'm from the province. We can meet naman, we can go on vacation basta willing to make it work.
• Faithful, ganun ako so I hope ganun ka rin.

We can exchange photos, because looks matter pa rin not just for girls, boys rin so we won't waste our time. Please introduce yourself rin. Thank you:)

4th HS kami noong maging kaklase ko siya, 26M, and maintained the friendship until 2022 (alam na. Hahaha!). It was when ako, 25F, na naman ang napagtripan nila sa GC namin. LOL. One of the boys ako. Name pa nga ng GC namin 5B1G.
This is almost 8 years na after namin naggraduate from HS. And lahat na sila halos ay taken or engaged na nga that time, iyong iba kagagaling lang sa break up. Obviously, ako single for few years na rin, and you might have guessed it right, na akala ko single din siya. Then that time, ako na naman nakita nila. They started naming names. Reto kay ganito. Reto kay ganyan. Then si Bestie, (Bestie na lang itawag natin, namiss kong tawagin siya ng ganyan ehㅡcharot), biglang nag-PM convincing me na itry ko lang daw kasi iyong sineset up nila. Not as if iyong nirereto daw nila is like ikasasama ko. Wala namang mawawala daw, ganon. Pero I was firm with my decision kasi hindi naman big deal sa akin na walang jowa eh, haha! I mean busy ako sa pagbabasa ng books and pagfafangirl so hindi ako lugi. I even felt like nalubos ko na iyang ganyan noong HS at college pa ako.
Couple of weeks went on and ganon parin usapan sa GC. Until ako iyong nag-PM kay Bestie. Kako, stop ka na diyan. Manahimik na. Final answer ko na is no. (Siya kasi may kaibigan doon sa nirereto nila, though kilala nilang lahat). Then out of nowhereㅡand I'd be lying if I say it wasn't a sub-concious choiceㅡI said something between 'Mas bet pa kita' and 'Kung ikaw, sige'.
I know, I know. Dick move, no? Hahaha. 'De, pero kasi, sanay na kaming ganyan mag-usap. Hindi lang sa kanya, kundi lahat din naman sila, pero siya lang pinakaganyan kasiㅡehem, naging crush ko siyang una. WAIT HAHAHA BALE GANITO. 4B1G kami originally. Tapos since ako ang Mayor ng class namin that time, tapos siya iyong pala-absent/laging late/mababa mga quizzes and exams. Kaya ang ginawa noong pinatawag mama niya, pinabantay siya sa akin. After that kami na lagi seatmates. Then one time kasi, sabi niya, "Gusto mo magdrawing ako ng dragon sa kamay mo?". (He was a Drafting Tech student. Sinaunang strands kumbaga noong kami ang HS). And sabi ko okay. Mahilig din naman kasi akong sulat-sulatan kamay ko noon, LOL. Tapos, "Sige. Akin na kamay mo. Makinig ka lang diyan kay Ma'am. 'Wag ka titingin muna ha!". So I did. He's just beside me, nasa chair niya arm ko, while ako naman nakinig din talaga sa tinuturo sa amin. Nang natapos na, tapos sakto namang tapos na klase namin, I swear, halos hampasin ko siya! Noong tinignan ko iyong 'finished product', itlog ba naman na may cracks ang iginuhit! Tapos may sulat pa na: Hintayin mo maghatch itong dragon egg. Tawa lang siya ng tawa! Pero that was the reason I had a crush on him. Iyong humor niya and his face kapag tumatawa.
Nasali na lang siya sa COF ko nang malaman nung apat na may crush ako sa kanya. Supportive friends daw kasi sila so para sa love life, sila na bahal, ganon. Hahaha! Pero long story short, eventually naging super close na kami, nalaman niyang may crush ako sa kanya pero he was just cool with it, like no rejections or ano pa man. Maybe he just understood na crush lang naman kasi iyon. 'Di ba nga, besties pa nga kami. And I was cool with it too, kahit na madalas niyang 'ipangalandakan' sa mama niya na crush ko siya. Yes, naging super close na talaga kami to a point na kilala na ako at ang barkada ng mama niya at mga kapatid.
And as I have mentioned awhile ago, this only lasted till 2022. 10 years of friendship na sana ngayon oh, haha! (Balik na tayo doon sa time na nag-PM ako.) I just wanna clear it out, ganyan na talaga kaming anim na mag-asaran. Iyong pamimilit nila, they're just being silly and hindi iyon nakakapikon. About naman doon sa sinabi ko, again, it might be sub-concious pero I meant no harm kumbaga. Pero to be fair on my part, I never expected what would happen next. Nothing could've ever prepared me for it.
We just kept on teasing each other hanggang sa ang usapan na was body counts, hanggang he asked me if gusto ko ba maging FWB kami. Fine by me kako. Total single ako, single ka. (Silly me. Haha). Then one time, papunta na akong work in an hour. Nag-aya siya. Kako wrong timing. Hindi ako pwedeng umabsent or ma-late. Kako next time na. So mga few days lang after, nasa work ako, sakto break namin. Nag-aya ulit siya. Sabi ko, 1 hour lang meron ako. Sagot niya, mabilis lang naman daw. "BJ lang." (I KNOW, PLEASE. PASENSIYA NA HAHAHA!) So ayon, sinundo ako. Sakto rin kasing few minutes lang layo ng bahay nila sa workplace ko. Pwedeng lakarin. Pero that night sinundo niya ako by car. Jokes on me. It was never 'BJ lang'! Punyeta na-late akong bumalik sa work! Panay call at chat manager ko that time! Funny thing was we fist bump pagkalabas ko noon car niya tapos nagthank you pa ang Bestie. Hahahaha!
At alam niyo na mga sumunod na nangyare. Either during break time ko, or after ng work. It went on for 2 or 3 months yata. Until I confessed sa isa naming kaibigan. Siyempre, kulang na lang sabunutan niya ako sa kagagahan ko, hindi lang dahil sa pagiging FWB namin kundi...dahil may jowa pala si Bestie. All. This. Time. Ang ganda ng usapan namin eh... Sa kanya ko nalaman. That time ko lang nalaman.
'Isa sa mga best friends mo, imposi leng hindi mo alam?' Trust me. I never did. Simula that day, nag-iba mga kilos ko, lalo na sa work. Napansin siyempre ng mga katrabaho ko. They were even joking na baka nahulog na ako kay Bestie. But no. Hindi siya iyong parang sa libro or movies. I just felt betrayedㅡI was betrayed by one of my best friends... and that's not even the worst part.
Hindi naman sa paggegeneralize pero ang dami ng mga jowa na pinagseselosan talaga mga bestfriends ng jowa nila ba? At hindi na bago sakin yan. Almost buong HS years ko, lagi na lang ganyan. (Malas. Haha!) Iyong iba, naklaro ko na kaibigan ko lang naman talaga iyong jowa nila sadyang ganon lang kami kaclose, then eventually naging friends ko din sila. Pero iyong iba naman, naging rason pa na layuan ako ng mga kaibigan ko hanggang sa wala na, hindi na kami gaya ng dati, kahit nagbreak na sila. Pero sa kanilang lima, sila lang iyong mga hindi piniling lumayo sa akin. Kahit na lumala pa iyong away nila ng mga jowa nila, talagang ipagtatanggol nila ako... and that meant so much to me...
Kaya kapag nakakakita ako ng mga posts sa mga SocMed apps tungkol sa mga 'di naniniwala sa platonic friendships, proud akong kinukwento/kinocomment about our friendship. Na huwag lahatin... but little did I know...
And never ko'ng sinang-ayunan ang cheating. No words can describe how much cheating would break a person. Hindi lang puso nila but ultimo pagkatao nila... Though wala kaming romantic relationship, for me, whatever "we" did was still cheating. So imagine, ako, na everytime may pagkakataon, ino-oppose ko iyong idea na best friends can never be just best friends, biglang naging dahilan kung bakit may isa na namang babae ang maidaragdag sa listahang 'My boyfriend cheated on me, with his best friend', or 'The girl slash "just a friend" he told me not to worry about'.
Our last conversation was when I confronted him about it. (Never na kaming nagusap ever since. Strangers na talaga.) Kaya nga my workmates thought "nahulog na'ko sa kanya" kasi after nung mga araw na matamlay ako, there were times na iniiyakan ko talaga (after na ng confrontation namin, na hindi ko na lang sinabi sa mga katrabaho ko, hindi rin nila alam na may jowa pala siya). I mean, I just can't grasp the whole situation that time, which I know naman na I brought it upon me, pero hindi sa ganoong paraan. When I told about it sa same best friend na nagsabi sa aking may jowa siya, I just felt na he's disappointed. Who wouldn't naman. But he also knew na I didn't know anything about it. (Well, college life then eventually work life happened. Siya lang iyong iba ang school sa amin noon, though nagkakamustahan parin naman regularly sa GC, but, how the hell I wasn't aware na may jowa siya pero alam ng iba naming kaibigan, I swear to gods I didn't know. Maybe, same situation as how only the three of us knew about this and the other three didn't?) Pero kahit gano'n pa man, he never blamed me for it. I'm forever glad na he stayed by my side.
It sure was heart breaking. It really did suck like hell. And it still does. Like, I know sumang-ayon din naman kasi ako just for the benefits talaga, pero gano'n na lang ba tingin niya sa akin, ng mismong Bestie ko? Pero, sabi ko nga, that wasn't the worst part. This was one of his last messages sa akin:
"Akala ko alam mo?"

I met my neice and nephew a few weeks ago and they're addicted to screens. I want to replace screens with books. So I plan to give them 2 to 3 books as presents, whenever I have to give them presents. I have a 4YO and 14YO neices, 8YO, 10YO, 12YO and 14YO nephews. 12YO is the only one that reads novels. I could potentially go with non fiction for him but I think it can get too heavy. He's still a kid afterall. But for the rest I need books that can get them hooked to reading and they should atleast complete the books once. I'm thinking popup 3D books for 4YO and comics for 10YO. But I have no clue where to start. And for others, I have no clue either. Any help is appreciated.
Also worth mentioning, I'm from India and would prefer the books in English. Although short stories in Hindi would also be ok.