How to say happy birthday to your ex

So almost 3 months ago, I had an anonymous Instagram account. Feeling desperate for love, I started commenting under posts, that I need someone to talk. One account (girl) replied to me. Had a little chat followed by sexchat. I thought it was just a one time thing. Got her text next day and we started chatting normally and flirting over next 3-4 days. Got to know that we belong to same caste. We started dating, exchanged photos and videos and eventually found each other compatible to each other. Some of you may think it could be a guy but I made sure that wasn't the case. Exchanged phone numbers also and used to talk for 3-4 hours a day on call. Experienced my first love and we were already thinking about our marriage.
But, how could everything go so smoothly? On Holi, she was having severe headache and went to doctor. Listening to symptoms, doctor said she has 95% chance of brain tumor. She told me this after 2 days. We both were shocked and she was almost broken from inside. Reports confirmed she had last stage of brain tumor and only few months left. Thinking about my future, she told me to break up, but I resisted saying I will be with her till the very last moment. We had disagreements over this, she started ignoring me so I get convinced to break up but I stayed with her. On 8th April, she got hospitalised and stayed there for about 4-5 days. I wasn't sure if I will talk to her again or not. For context, she lost her parents about 5 years back in a car accident. She only have her elder sister and her fiance in her family, and she was the one who kept updating me about her situation, through her phone only. During her stay in hospital, this condition really got her bad. She started forgetting stuffs but she remembered me. She came back home on 13th April. I really wanted to go meet her in her city but couldn't go due to some circumstances.
This wasn't the only problem she was dealing with. Another huge problem was her ex boyfriend. They both broke up about 1.5 years ago and it was his wish. She begged for her to stay but he left. I got to know from her cousin firstly and then from her, that her ex used to abuse her physically even during their relationship and even after that. And the most shocking part was she didn't even told her sister about that. My blood was boiling on hearing that but I couldn't do anything and felt so helpless. Eventually, I told her sister about this but this kept happening even after this. She tried to protect her but her ex found a way to still hurt her. Finally, I convinced her to talk about this to her sister and she talked but still they took no action. Then, one day she went to her ex's sister's function even after I told her not to, but she still did cuz she was invited. And the worst thing happened. He raped her there. She was broken inside. I was hurt too. In that moment of anger, I broke up immediately, but soon realised I shouldn't have done that and I was the only one she trusted. Told her we are not done yet and I am here for you. I don't want to remember that event but this really boiled my blood. She told her sister and finally they went to his home and told their family. He was beaten finally but that mf deserved much worse. Their family were apologising so they didn't took any legal action. Even after going through all this, she still talks normally.
Two days back, her sister told me to break up with her and it would be better for both. I couldn't understand how it would be better for her. I know she won't be able to live without me and hence, I didn't want to do. She said she wanted her sister to live this phase alone which is her best phase. She told if we won't do if ourselves, she will interfere and everyone will get hurt. Hearing all these, I decided to break up but still stay as a friend whom she can confide. For context, we broke up twice before but cuz of having short term memory loss, she forgot and I knowing her condition so convinced myself to be in relationship. I never had any problem to be with her. So we broke up that night. She got too sad, even I got. but we handled ourselves. But the next day her sister with her fiance went to goa leaving her alone at home. I don't know what she thinks and she even care about her or not. She don't feel like sleeping at night so I used to talk regularly so she don't feel alone and even talked yesterday. I don't know if she remember about our break up or not.
I feel like this incident will stay always with me and I don't know what will happen. Kitni bhi ziddi ho yrr but hai to my first love. I badly want her to stay forever. I want to marry her and give her all the love she deserves. I want her to be happy always. I want to feed her food from my own hands. I want to care for her. I want to make her sleep when she have headaches. I want to hug her, kiss her forehead. I just want to be with her forever. I LOVE HERR. I would have fought with the whole world for her, but this cancer and distance really fucked us😭😭

So almost 3 months ago, I had an anonymous Instagram account. Feeling desperate for love, I started commenting under posts, that I need someone to talk. One account (girl) replied to me. Had a little chat followed by sexchat. I thought it was just a one time thing. Got her text next day and we started chatting normally and flirting over next 3-4 days. Got to know that we belong to same caste. We started dating, exchanged photos and videos and eventually found each other compatible to each other. Some of you may think it could be a guy but I made sure that wasn't the case. Exchanged phone numbers also and used to talk for 3-4 hours a day on call. Experienced my first love and we were already thinking about our marriage.
But, how could everything go so smoothly? On Holi, she was having severe headache and went to doctor. Listening to symptoms, doctor said she has 95% chance of brain tumor. She told me this after 2 days. We both were shocked and she was almost broken from inside. Reports confirmed she had last stage of brain tumor and only few months left. Thinking about my future, she told me to break up, but I resisted saying I will be with her till the very last moment. We had disagreements over this, she started ignoring me so I get convinced to break up but I stayed with her. On 8th April, she got hospitalised and stayed there for about 4-5 days. I wasn't sure if I will talk to her again or not. For context, she lost her parents about 5 years back in a car accident. She only have her elder sister and her fiance in her family, and she was the one who kept updating me about her situation, through her phone only. During her stay in hospital, this condition really got her bad. She started forgetting stuffs but she remembered me. She came back home on 13th April. I really wanted to go meet her in her city but couldn't go due to some circumstances.
This wasn't the only problem she was dealing with. Another huge problem was her ex boyfriend. They both broke up about 1.5 years ago and it was his wish. She begged for her to stay but he left. I got to know from her cousin firstly and then from her, that her ex used to abuse her physically even during their relationship and even after that. And the most shocking part was she didn't even told her sister about that. My blood was boiling on hearing that but I couldn't do anything and felt so helpless. Eventually, I told her sister about this but this kept happening even after this. She tried to protect her but her ex found a way to still hurt her. Finally, I convinced her to talk about this to her sister and she talked but still they took no action. Then, one day she went to her ex's sister's function even after I told her not to, but she still did cuz she was invited. And the worst thing happened. He raped her there. She was broken inside. I was hurt too. In that moment of anger, I broke up immediately, but soon realised I shouldn't have done that and I was the only one she trusted. Told her we are not done yet and I am here for you. I don't want to remember that event but this really boiled my blood. She told her sister and finally they went to his home and told their family. He was beaten finally but that mf deserved much worse. Their family were apologising so they didn't took any legal action. Even after going through all this, she still talks normally.
Two days back, her sister told me to break up with her and it would be better for both. I couldn't understand how it would be better for her. I know she won't be able to live without me and hence, I didn't want to do. She said she wanted her sister to live this phase alone which is her best phase. She told if we won't do if ourselves, she will interfere and everyone will get hurt. Hearing all these, I decided to break up but still stay as a friend whom she can confide. For context, we broke up twice before but cuz of having short term memory loss, she forgot and I knowing her condition so convinced myself to be in relationship. I never had any problem to be with her. So we broke up that night. She got too sad, even I got. but we handled ourselves. But the next day her sister with her fiance went to goa leaving her alone at home. I don't know what she thinks and she even care about her or not. She don't feel like sleeping at night so I used to talk regularly so she don't feel alone and even talked yesterday. I don't know if she remember about our break up or not.
I feel like this incident will stay always with me and I don't know what will happen. Kitni bhi ziddi ho yrr but hai to my first love. I badly want her to stay forever. I want to marry her and give her all the love she deserves. I want her to be happy always. I want to feed her food from my own hands. I want to care for her. I want to make her sleep when she have headaches. I want to hug her, kiss her forehead. I just want to be with her forever. I LOVE HERR. I would have fought with the whole world for her, but this cancer and distance really fucked us😭😭

So almost 3 months ago, I had an anonymous Instagram account. Feeling desperate for love, I started commenting under posts, that I need someone to talk. One account (girl) replied to me. Had a little chat followed by sexchat. I thought it was just a one time thing. Got her text next day and we started chatting normally and flirting over next 3-4 days. Got to know that we belong to same caste. We started dating, exchanged photos and videos and eventually found each other compatible to each other. Some of you may think it could be a guy but I made sure that wasn't the case. Exchanged phone numbers also and used to talk for 3-4 hours a day on call. Experienced my first love and we were already thinking about our marriage.
But, how could everything go so smoothly? On Holi, she was having severe headache and went to doctor. Listening to symptoms, doctor said she has 95% chance of brain tumor. She told me this after 2 days. We both were shocked and she was almost broken from inside. Reports confirmed she had last stage of brain tumor and only few months left. Thinking about my future, she told me to break up, but I resisted saying I will be with her till the very last moment. We had disagreements over this, she started ignoring me so I get convinced to break up but I stayed with her. On 8th April, she got hospitalised and stayed there for about 4-5 days. I wasn't sure if I will talk to her again or not. For context, she lost her parents about 5 years back in a car accident. She only have her elder sister and her fiance in her family, and she was the one who kept updating me about her situation, through her phone only. During her stay in hospital, this condition really got her bad. She started forgetting stuffs but she remembered me. She came back home on 13th April. I really wanted to go meet her in her city but couldn't go due to some circumstances.
This wasn't the only problem she was dealing with. Another huge problem was her ex boyfriend. They both broke up about 1.5 years ago and it was his wish. She begged for her to stay but he left. I got to know from her cousin firstly and then from her, that her ex used to abuse her physically even during their relationship and even after that. And the most shocking part was she didn't even told her sister about that. My blood was boiling on hearing that but I couldn't do anything and felt so helpless. Eventually, I told her sister about this but this kept happening even after this. She tried to protect her but her ex found a way to still hurt her. Finally, I convinced her to talk about this to her sister and she talked but still they took no action. Then, one day she went to her ex's sister's function even after I told her not to, but she still did cuz she was invited. And the worst thing happened. He raped her there. She was broken inside. I was hurt too. In that moment of anger, I broke up immediately, but soon realised I shouldn't have done that and I was the only one she trusted. Told her we are not done yet and I am here for you. I don't want to remember that event but this really boiled my blood. She told her sister and finally they went to his home and told their family. He was beaten finally but that mf deserved much worse. Their family were apologising so they didn't took any legal action. Even after going through all this, she still talks normally.
Two days back, her sister told me to break up with her and it would be better for both. I couldn't understand how it would be better for her. I know she won't be able to live without me and hence, I didn't want to do. She said she wanted her sister to live this phase alone which is her best phase. She told if we won't do if ourselves, she will interfere and everyone will get hurt. Hearing all these, I decided to break up but still stay as a friend whom she can confide. For context, we broke up twice before but cuz of having short term memory loss, she forgot and I knowing her condition so convinced myself to be in relationship. I never had any problem to be with her. So we broke up that night. She got too sad, even I got. but we handled ourselves. But the next day her sister with her fiance went to goa leaving her alone at home. I don't know what she thinks and she even care about her or not. She don't feel like sleeping at night so I used to talk regularly so she don't feel alone and even talked yesterday. I don't know if she remember about our break up or not.
I feel like this incident will stay always with me and I don't know what will happen. Kitni bhi ziddi ho yrr but hai to my first love. I badly want her to stay forever. I want to marry her and give her all the love she deserves. I want her to be happy always. I want to feed her food from my own hands. I want to care for her. I want to make her sleep when she have headaches. I want to hug her, kiss her forehead. I just want to be with her forever. I LOVE HERR. I would have fought with the whole world for her, but this cancer and distance really fucked us😭😭

So I’m a 22 year old autistic woman (diagnosed at 20). I’ve always known I’m not well-liked, I can be brash, I never know what’s appropriate to say, I can even just be straight-up annoying sometimes. I was bullied relentlessly in middle and high school, and because of that I just kinda don’t talk to anyone unless they come up and talk to me first, so I do blame that on having a smallish friend group, but that’s besides the point.
Social media is a big factor here. For example: I always notice that I get very few (and this year no) happy birthday wishes on my posts. You could say “well you have to wish them a happy birthday too,” but my birthday is at the Very Beginning of the year, so if someone doesn’t for me, I don’t for them.
I graduated from a conservatory in 2023 with a class of 16 students. Some of them were very sweet, others not so much. There was one girl who started being snarky and exclusionary towards me the Very First Day of freshman year, so I know I hadn’t done anything to her because we had Just Met. Anyway, I graduated, and a year later I noticed that four of them unfollowed me on socials, and no I again cannot recall anything ever done by me to them.
It’s really depressing not being well-liked and never knowing why. I’d really like some tips on how to fake it til you make it I guess?
(I’ll gladly answer any questions in the comments too I wrote this at 4am)

this isnt easy for either of us now, but the more i love you the more ive been destroyed. every twist and turn had caused me harm. i dont want to think that its over between us but i need to move on. you feed off of my creativity like vampire while neglecting my most basic needs, proximity, real world touch. there were years where my imagination could sustain being long distance, and ive induldged your every excuse, but i dont bode well as anyones mistress. i may end up worse off for doing this because i know being your e girl had its privledges, i just have gotten to a point where the reward was no longer worth the risks. my life is in shambles, youve exploited and extorted any joy i had. i cant even look at you now without feeling a huge sense of betrayal and dread. people say theres reasons and plans in place but i just dont think were a match. youve taken advantage of my endurance apparently to the point its caused me perminant physical damage. i will now sit back and watch the kingdoms you built slowly desintegrate, like my tolerance of you abuse. when you cheat, you plant a seed of eminent destruction between us. i have been wrong in so many ways, but my own emptiness it seems will win this, even though i wanted a different out come, these last 7 months of absolute hell that youve put me through because youre an uninspired coward lying narcissist, well, needless to say Ive been shopping other options. ive lost my respect for you and any admiration i had left will be burried in the recess of my brain, labeled forever "pointless" now im in debt beyond repair, my heart is damaged, my brain a slurry of confusion and bad feelings, im riddled in tumors and angst and for what? so you could make a mockery of me amongst your friends? so you could avoid admitting youre just a catfish? its over dear. im changing my fan base and wish you happiness and less suffering than this. i dont want to harm you but the abuse has been more than i deserved. you ruined a life i thought id earned because you are sick, and that sickness is contageous. it used to mean something to me to log in and stand beside you, i believed in you and remained loyal even if my truths were grotesque. you repaid me with isolation and more abuse. what you forgot my precious was that these harms youve done to me through powers and agency are now vicious desimations of oblivion that will only continue to destroy what we called love, which now in retrospect was only lust. im sorry but i need to make real world friends with people willing to appreciate me how i am and well, you know the rest.

i have a friend of the opposite sex (21M) that i have a crush on but i can't perceive what his certain actions mean
he's always very teasing with me, makes it his life goal to annoy me / is always poking fun at me (examples: us going swimming together with some friends - only us left in the lane and i was talking to him and he starts flicking water towards me //
in the library i chastise him for coming but napping the entire time so he looks at me for five seconds and blinks rapidly and says "read your books!!" /
celebrating our mutual friend's birthday together and while everyone else was gathered around the cake making sure the candle wouldn't be put out by the wind before she blew it, we were standing back together and he takes out his lighter and is like "do you want to blow it out?" so he lights the lighter and i blow it out and he's like "okay now we don't have to go through all this fanfare for your birthday ;)"
and sideways complimenting me like when discussing going clubbing he would say stuff like "because you're quite pretty you'd attract a lot of attention" or "you'd be a hot commodity at the club" etc trying to warn me against going to the club or stuff like "you're so pale" (a compliment where we're from) "you're not short at all" "you don't need to lose weight at all" "you're the fastest girl i've ever shopped with"
or i'd say something like "oh i met a group of people from my country today" and he's like "guys?" and i'd have to correct him (the gender really wasn't the point of my text...)
​
but sometimes he mentions other girls and it makes me confused on what he means by it
like when i joked he should turn on his location for me (because he wouldn't get to our planned location fast enough) he was like "if i turn on my location for you how am i supposed to get a girlfriend then?"
or "of course i don't like A (girl who's interested in him), she's been so upfront about it if i were interested it would have happened"
or when i asked him where he went since he was out at 4 AM he was like "i was just out eating mcdonalds and ramen w friends if i was out chasing a girl you guys would have know way earlier ;) "
so it just all makes me very confused - why does he keep on bringing up other girls? is he trying to keep me in the friendzone or sending a signal?

So, someone who is very close to me got into a relationship where clearly they are the only one putting all the efforts. It's not even a 30/70 or 20/80 type of thing, it's a 100/0 where he only contributes with his existence, he is tolerating her, and he's stated that she isn't his type, he actually said that she's the opposite of his type, and he's sometimes rude, picks up and criticizes what she does.
She vents all this to me, but she has no intentions or plans on leaving him, so what am I supposed to do or say? I told her, it seems that he doesn't like you, but she seems to be okay with that, and it makes me feel a bit sad because her standards are so low.
I'm not sure, and it's subjective, but I feel like many relationships fail because your partner simply doesn't like you, and we ignore red flags because we are so lonely and desperate for love and affection. Maybe it's also because sometimes our self-esteem get so low that we believe that we should be grateful and lucky to be getting the bare minimum.
I don't know how she got into this, but I truly pray she's finding some happiness or knowledge out of this somehow, and I also pray that I don't get in a relationship where I'm clearly being tolerated and being taken advantage of.

I have a decade+ relationship with depression that I am deciding to end. The title of this post might seem excessive or dramatic, but there is a big difference in saving a life and preventing a death. I recently contacted someone on this platform in an attempt to extend a helping hand. That message would end up being a catalyst for me once I began exchanging friendly banter and learning about the other person's life. The first time we spoke on the phone it was for hours. I got off that phone call, and felt a surge of emotions that felt foreign to me. They were happiness, anticipation, excitement. Unable to control myself, I even texted the other person that it was the first time in memory that I was going to be falling asleep with a smile on my face.
Not everyone falls into despair in similar fashions. I would read through reddit post or hear stories about people with suicidal ideologies, and decide that obviously I wasn't in a bad spot because I didn't share in that struggle. I have been empathetic to those in need, and I confidently think that all of my friends would swear by my loyalty and comforting presence. No, my decent was overshadowed with snarky humor, the bottom of a bottle, and eating away my feelings. Feelings that I wasn't acknowledging which inhibited my ability to attack them. I have been numb to pain and joy for so long that I am not sure when I stopped living a life and became an avatar masquerading as the original me. Momentum was gone, and seemed so far away that I wasn't even reaching for it. I was a shell going through the motions of adult life like a robot, and not like a human.
Upon waking up from that smiling trip into dreamland I had an epiphany that something had to change. I felt a youthful resurgence building in myself that I wanted to hold onto more than anything I have wanted in years. So, I filed for a vacation from work. I signed up for therapy sessions that are way past due, and I sat down with my wonderful mother and best friend to come clean about the status of my mental health. I pity people who don't have support from loved ones, because I can't put into words how relieved I was to find zero judgement and only offers of support.
Why can't I tell them that they saved my life? That is simple. I wouldn't want to burden this beautiful soul with feeling any responsibility for me. If they disappeared right now, and ghosted me to focus on themselves it would still leave me with nothing but gratitude. They didn't convince or coax me into a change. They were kind, and made me remember that life doesn't have to be empty by being genuine. I currently feel alive, and have taken steps to include other's in preserving my newly found momentum. I could never ask, demand, or guilt someone into giving me anything more than my life back.
If you are reading this and any part resonated. Please don't wait for the deus ex machina I experienced to seek help. I wasted so much time, and I hope you don't waste your own.
Sorry for any grammar mistakes. English is my first language, but I'm not perfect.

I’ve been dating my current girlfriend for 6 months, and things have gone great so far. We go on cute dates, do things for each other, and she challenges me to be a better version of myself.
For context, My previous relationship ended after almost 9 years due to being cheated on and it caused me to lose confidence in myself and my trust in others. I’ve been working on my mental health the past year and a half, and after a while I felt comfortable getting back out there and trying again. This is where I met my current girlfriend, after going on a few not so successful dates with some other people online.
From the start she’s been kind and someone I can easily talk to. However, she’s very stern about certain things and thinks very differently than I do. For instance she still messages one of her ex’s. They dated years ago and live in different states now. He has a fiancé and they seem happy from what’s she’s told me. I believe she shared that to reassure me, as this has been a point of contention for us. She says she brags about me to him and I shouldn’t worry.
For the most part I have accepted that they’re just friends, as she and I fought over this before. She said that she feels like she can’t share part of her life with me (her friends) because she doesn’t like the way I react. My face “changes” when she mentions her guy friends or this ex in particular. Or that’s what she tells me.
I really don’t mind that she has guy friends, but the ex thing seems weird at times. Like I was under the impression that he knew more about us since she brags about us, but she told me yesterday as she was laughing that he didn’t even know my name until that day..? When I brought this up she said it was because she didn’t want to share too much until it was more serious. But she said she’s already thinking about rings.
But I also haven’t ever seen her socials. Granted, I don’t really use them myself but she’s pretty active on hers. I’m afraid of the absolute worst at times. We don’t Snapchat (I actually have one of those), she doesn’t send me selfies.
Like for instance she got a Snapchat notification saying “so&so added you back!” But her telling me she doesn’t know who it was and she doesn’t remember adding them.
That last one is kinda close to how I kind out my ex was cheating on me last time… But I said maybe it’s from before we started dating. And she said that must be it.
My fear is that she wasn’t maybe fully committed to me for the first few months we dated or something? Maybe?
I know I’m still insecure and I still have things to work on but right now it’s very Late and I’m up thinking about everything.
I have recently started therapy so I know I still have work to do.
It’s only been six months and I really do love her. I feel differently for her than I ever did for my ex. I see a future with her and she has been so very patient with me so far these past 6 months but are these red flags? Posting here just for opinions and maybe some advice. I don’t want to talk to people I know IRL about this. I know I want to be with her, I’m certain there, I’m just maybe looking to see if my feelings are valid
TL;DR my gf texts her ex and other guys and sends them snapchats but not me. We’ve been dating for 6 months and her ex just now learned my name despite them talking often. Red flags?

Dear any and all people who sit in individual study areas and just yap,
I am specifically talking about individual quiet study; group work areas are free real estate.
I hate you. We all hate you. It's reading week. I spent an hour yesterday trying to find somewhere with functioning plugs and a desk that isn't in the silent study (I am too stupid to be sitting in silent plus I think I breathe too loudly) where you weren't. There was nowhere where you lot weren't. I'm not aiming this at the pepple who quietly talk amongst themselves and do not distract others, nor the person who was choking on their drink for like 10 minutes whilst we all just stared.
Specifically: the people who literally come here to yap and yap loudly, or scream every time they see their friends because oh my goodness I haven't seen you in all of a week! Also any and all people who are crying are also forgiven because I am feeling that rn (I watched a girl cry over the content I covered last year, I relate). I am on the other side of the library floor from you, I should not even be acknowledging your existence, but alas you are so unnecessarily loud. This is a reminder that at the end of the day: this is a library.
I just want to stare aimlessly at my laptop for the 6 or so hours I will spend in the library (including mandatory snack times) attempting to study my subject whilst also battling the near constant distractions called my brain and plotting the murder of a lecturer who did nothing but read off the slides in an accent I struggle to understand and who failed to answer every single question he was asked; I would really appreciate it if you could a) shut up, b) leave or c) shut up and leave. I am already struggling with caffeine induced heart palpitations, I do not want an aneurysm having to hear you squark about how you bought a new dress or whatever else you're saying so loudly I can hear you over my intrusive thoughts and my headphones. Also your laugh sounds like a dying seal: go be happy elsewhere, I want to suffer in my choice of self inflicted challenging academia. I have come here to suffer.
I am a prone yapper myself, if I am honest. However, I can provide you an appropriate yapping guide if needed:
Step 1: Go outside or up to the group work floors.
Step 2: Never come back
Step 3: Fuck off or drop out
Sincerely,
Me

MBBS Aspirants/MBBS students, read at your own risk. If you don't want a dose of negativity, then don't read.
This is another rant post. All my posts on this subreddit are rant posts lol.
Why is it that everyone is always in a rush to finish OT? People just want to get done and leave. Everyone is super selfish. Their entire argument when you ask for more cutting is on the lines of "How can we give you more if you don't know how to do it!"
Bloody hell, HOW IS ANYONE SUPPOSED TO BE GOOD/FAST/EFFICIENT AT OPERATING IF YOU GIVE THEM THE BARE MINIMUM EVERY SINGLE TIME!
"Dene ke liye aana chahiye", par "Aane ke liye dena bhi toh chahiye!"
First of all they don't teach you everything in MS/DNB. Then you have to struggle and find a good fellowship. When you get into a good fellowship they see how fast you pick up and then decide if they want to give you a case that day or no. God forbid if you have an average or poor speed at learning, then you've lost your chance. Imagine this happening day in and day out and getting out after 1-3 years of fellowship (post PG) with low confidence. No one can even think of starting private practice immediately in a surgical branch.
Why should we all struggle to get basic cutting at every stage of our life! I've even heard of people who have learnt at top institutes saying "PG is not enough, SS is not enough, fellowship is not enough. It's only good enough to get an idea about how to do things".
I actually enjoy operating and have a rush of happiness everytime I operate well. But I only get to experience that rush once in a blue moon. This is because at every stage of my life I've had selfish people who just want to do the bare minimum with respect to training their juniors and do the entire case if I even make a single mistake. All these consultants have got the best in their PG and fellowship, and continued to get exposure later also. That's why they are this good. Since you guys are good, why can't you take the effort to teach a PG or a fellow in a freaking teaching institute?! If you don't have the will to do it then just don't join a teaching institute. You're selfish and you've yourself stayed put in these institutes for experience. You're ruining multiple lives. Everything is always about "I have to leave at Xpm" or "Itna time OT kaun karta hai" or "Enough, jaldi khatam nahi kiya toh I'm finishing your case"
Surgeons are extremely selfish and the enemies of surgeons.
I guess I should have listened to my elder sister when she said "You want a surgical branch? You won't be able to independently practice until you're 35."
Maybe she was right. Only time will tell.

My dad died when I (16f) was 7 and my younger siblings were 4m, 3m and 2f. I was 8 when my mom met my stepdad. He came to live with us when I was 9 and we all got along. I really liked how happy he made mom and one thing that really won me over was nobody called him our dad or told us he was going to be our new parent. To me he was more of a friend and to my siblings he was more of a parent. But I was older, remembered dad really well and didn't ever express an interest in having another dad.
Two years ago things started to change. My siblings all call stepdad 'dad' and adoption was mentioned. I have never called my stepdad 'dad' before and I don't ever introduce him as my dad. He's always been John. But I don't look at him the way my siblings do. They know about our dad, he's talked about, photos around the house and stuff, but to them John is the dad they know so they have a very different bond with him. And I think he's really good to my siblings and me and our mom and I know he was so happy when my siblings started calling him dad. It happened slowly but it happened.
My mom asked me a few weeks after the whole adoption talk started how I felt about John becoming my dad. I told her it wasn't ever going to happen. To me he's John. He's not my dad and I don't think of him in that way. My mom suggested I could "try out" calling him dad and see how it would make me feel. I told her I didn't want to. That it wasn't the relationship I have with John. A few months later while we were ice skating he asked me why I didn't join the conversation about adoption and I told him because I didn't want to be adopted so I didn't think it was a conversation I should jump into. He told me he would in a heartbeat and I said I know, but I don't want it. He asked me if he could do anything for me to want that and I told him honestly that there wasn't and I'd rather he just keep being John.
This stuff has become more real now and my mom has mentioned it to me a lot. Like she brings it up every few weeks. John sometimes makes comments about loving me as his daughter and stuff too and how he'd love to be my dad. My siblings all asked John to adopt them officially for his birthday last month and I chose not to be part of that. It upset my siblings. But when my mom and John saw my name missing from the question, it also upset them. It became this great big talk. My siblings told me we should all be adopted together and if they get adopted but I don't our relationship will be different. I told them I wouldn't see them any different but they said they'd see me differently because I don't want our family to be really real. My mom and John talked to me separately after that and begged me to reconsider. John told me he loved me so much and just wanted to be my dad too. But I still say no and now all these relationships have changed.
AITA?

Chapter I: The Covid 727
The school let its aircraft (727-200 cargo) rust out on the tarmac for multiple years (starting with the covid lockdown) without activating anything or mothballing it properly so all the systems died. Originally half the coursework was going to be practical and on the plane, and the big showcase final exercise was to jack it up, turn on hydraulics via GPU, extend/retract the LG and take a photo of the class all smiling and ready to go to the internships. In the cafeteria wall here's still the photos of the classes from before 2020 in their work overalls smiling with their teacher. These photos were what the school used for recruiting. Look at all these students lifting a plane off the ground through the power of teamwork, this could be you! They only stopped using that to recruit recently for reasons that will become apparent.
Now we had no practical courses at all for the entire two years since going on inside is a danger from all the black mold that's covered the plane and the fumes from the clapped-out hydraulic and fuel system. Of course, having a rusted-out hulk and giving your students no practice might go against 147 rules so the EASA auditor told them to get that wreckage off the tarmac or else.
Chapter II: Else:
My country has no aircraft dismantling organizations and flying them in for a job is expensive, so the school figured out a great way to hit two birds with one stone in a traditional Belgian style: slavery. They opened up a brand new course on aircraft dismantling, to be headed by the one poor teacher who is actually licensed to take apart aircraft, helming a "crew" of high school graduates and job-seekers. It was a shitshow and every time the teacher looked away there was someone taking an angle grinder to a titanium part or sawing off a piece of fuselage directly above them. Naturally they did not manage to dismantle the plane but at least the teacher did manage to stop anyone from hurting themselves and he neatly removed all the useful/sensitive components like the instruments, radios and radar.
But in the end they did worse than not doing anything at all, really, since they turned an (at least plane-shaped) wreck into a giant pile of bullshit, and the school is right next to the local international airport's taxiway -that's how the 727 arrived- so every RyanAir is sent off with a nice view of an exploded 727-200 right before takeoff. Happy flying!
So EASA catches wind of Baby's First Slavery Aircraft Dismantling Company and comes down hard on the school and takes away their Part 147 license until they get their shit together (as a side note this is where I rejoined the school to upgrade my Part 66 from A to B1/B2). EASA said no more slavery, so the teacher has to work alone and do full-time weekends sawing this plane apart bit by bit. Dude is in his late 50s and comes every monday to give us 8 hours of M11 for a week straight looking like his skeleton is made of pain. I gotta point out the slavery wasn't his idea, he was just put in charge of it, and I admire him for putting up with so much crap to bail the school out.
Chapter III: It gets worse:
So without EASA's approval, our school is in fact not a school, and legally it's more of a homeless shelter where people gather together to listen to the wise ones give factoids about the 737 and A320. The problem with this is the school receives huge subsidies from the the government and the Air Force for personnel retraining and was already in hot water for their 70%+ failure rate which is somehow higher than a 5-year course in law, engineering or medicine from the universities. Now with their Part 147 approval gone the school was about to serve up a never-seen before 100% failure rate across four AMT classes (two Part-66 A, one Part-66 B and one EMAR-66) and vaporize over a million euros worth of subsidies with nothing to show for it.
Desperate times call for dumb measures, so our school administration rang up a French AMT school with their new genius plan. For a week, our school will officially cosplay as theirs, their teachers come over and make us pass exams, then they go back to France. Of course, the exams will be based on their syllabi, not ours, and we had no access to their syllabus at all until halfway done with our courses. But you know what's cheaper than hiring French teachers for two weeks to make us pass exams? That's right, hiring them for four days and compressing the entire exams session into 4 days, from 8AM to 4PM, with sometimes 4-5 exams per day. The director came to give us some encouraging words like "try to pass half of them lol".
Chapter IV: The Future:
There is a fourth class which I hadn't mentioned before, which is comprised entirely of people from the Air Force. As a requirement for going up in rank, they were sent here to get an EASA-66 license and some extra courses (about weaponry and radar magic, etc.) to get the EMAR-66 on top of it and become proper technicians. They presented their exams ahead of us and word is that they all failed so now the Air Force is also coming down with the hammer on the school that froze its entire ground crew training pipeline. And since these people were already support crew, we have no chance in hell.
The 727 wreckage is still on the tarmac. Supposedly it will be replaced by an ERJ-190, but that's what they've been saying since I signed up, the 190 is nowhere to be seen and I'm 50/50 on whether it exists at all. Even if it does, it's practically guaranteed to end up like the 727 in a few years since nothing has structurally changed.
Exams Begin next tuesday. Wish me luck! And take the train whenever possible.

Not literally, but I wrote something during my break at work and wanted to share with everyone here:
It’s weird writing (or should I say, “typing”) this essay. There are no due dates. No deadline, I’m not even graded for this. I have no idea why I just wanted to type this essay. Maybe it is a way to improve my typing speed. Or maybe it’s to distract myself from what I should be doing, which is studying for the network+ exam. I have no idea why, but an idea popped into my head and now, I’m here typing away my inner thoughts. Coming back from my deployment was a blessing in disguise. I felt like I learned more about myself in three and half years than what I learned in my entire life before it. More and more I find myself trying to learn something. Keeping my mind engaged, as if I’m scared of losing the brain cells that I have gained since going back to college. I really miss college. Despite me feeling old compared to the other students that go there, being in an environment where I can grow felt amazing. Setting goals is something I look forward to. Accomplishing them feels even more amazing. I really wanted to get my associate’s before going on my 2nd deployment but lately I have been occupied with this mission and preparing my unit for our next adventure. Well, that and a couple of stumbling blocks that appeared before me. But I don’t intend on giving up. I know that I can do it. I love that I’m taking care of myself in a very positive and constructive way. Gone are the days of seeing different women and going out drinking with my friends. I’m glad I can put all that behind me because coping with my deployment and mid-life crisis in that matter left me more depressed as the days go on. But it was necessary. Being abandoned by the people you wanted in your life is never easy for anyone. Since I came back, it has been too much for me. Just when I thought I couldn’t bear losing more of the people I care about, someone else decides to leave. And then one day, I snapped. I decided to show everyone that I was worth more than they thought of me. I wanted to prove to them that I am better than them and that I can become even better. Who would’ve thought that this quest for vengeance turned out to be a journey of self-enlightenment. Up until this essay, I completely forgot about revenge. I honestly didn’t think how much I would enjoy progressing in my life. From promotion to pursuing my degree, getting to where I am, has left me whole but also wanting more. It made me feel hopeful. There were moments where I think of the people I lost, whether through death, or misunderstanding, and I still mourn for them, but I found myself getting happier as the days go by and I find myself grateful for being apart of their lives. Even if it was just for a moment, I will always cherish the friendship we had and the lessons they taught me. I’m also grateful for the new friendships I have developed since I came back. And now another adventure waits for me. This time, I am viewing it in a more positive light. I’ve been having this feeling for a long time. This feeling of reawakening. It is something that I needed to get off my chest and I’m glad I found a way. This is what I needed to do so that now (maybe) I can focus on my tasks and continue to grow. I’m 35 years old and I just started learning to walk. I can finally say this with full confidence: I’m happy.

Hey,
A bit more than a year ago my ex broke up with me. I made the mistake of jumping to fast in an other relashionship, 4months after. He contacted me several times, wishing me merry christmas, happy new year, happy birthday, or even for no reason to hear from me. I never did except for his birthday and a month after the breakup to ask if he wanted to try again.
We met a few times at the library, because we are from the same university, talked, the feelings were still there.
He sent me some very nice messages and asked to meet.
I think there was a possibility of going back together. But I was and still am with someone. The problem is the relashionship with this new person has made me suffer a lot. He is very old school/traditional and I feel in a cage. We have very different views of life and a future with him scare me. But I’m also too afraid to breakup, and I am unsure about my feelings, because they come and go.
I might sound like a horrible person but it is how it is. I told my ex I couldn’t because I was seeing someone. But it’s just a matter of time before the new relashionship fail. (Or maybe I’ll be stuck in it if I don’t figure things out, for the better or for the worst); I wonder if I made the right decision.. I don’t know what I should do, if you have any advices..
Thanks

Long story short:
* Like everyone else, I had doubts before purchasing any of his courses, so I’ll mention the main points that were important to me before buying it (more on this when I talk about the four main problems I faced in my journey of self-development and attraction):
* Is the course worth it? Considering the impact it has had on my life, my answer is a resounding YES.
* Is there a cost-benefit balance? Absolutely yes.
* Will it help me in all areas of my life? Yes, especially with power dynamics. This course will offer you valuable insights that you can apply in any area of your life.
* Do the techniques and strategies really work? Yes, they do. However, like any course, the key is to you apply what you've learned and it also depends on the time and effort you're willing to invest to achieve lasting changes
Important note: I don't have any kind of relationship with Lucio or anyone on his team, and no one paid me to do this review, much less to share such intimate details. I am doing this of my own free will because I want to thank him for all the knowledge he has provided me, and I believe this could be useful for him and for anyone looking to determine whether what he teaches is useful or not. This review is not going to be directly about his courses; it is going to be about all the resources on TPM (The Power Moves), and specifically about the impact they have had on my life. Consider it more of a testimonial and also a personal opinion.
The following review is quite detailed, and really long. I really believe that writing less would strip away a lot of depth and context. I don’t expect everyone to read it entirely, but maybe it can offer some perspective to someone interested in buying the course. I’m not a special person (I mean like someone famous, or with a lot of academic titles, or any of that); I’m just a regular guy looking to improve the quality of my life and achieve enough economic prosperity to help the people I love most live the life they want, help those in need, people, animals…and if possible, gain valuable knowledge that helps me in my work as a psychologist. Nothing satisfies me more than seeing the faces of people when, with some time and effort, they realize they can do things they never thought possible and feel proud of themselves for achieving it. I also haven’t had it easy in my romantic life, and I’d like to find a healthy person who is also motivated to be a better human being and have a peaceful love. Learning about power will just be a means to contribute my little bit to this world. I’m not a writer, but I’ll try to outline what I consider to be the most important points to give you another perspective to consider, if you want to buy this course. My native language is Spanish, so due to the length of the text and my lack of skill in “speaking” another language, I decided to use ChatGPT as a translator (since I feel it does a better job than Google Translator), and I’ll make the necessary adjustments to make myself better understood.
For most of my life, I lived in deep loneliness and experienced a lot of abuse from people. I never understood why, no matter how many good things I did for others, I received mistreatment in return. My social programming whispered to me, “Do good things for others, and they will be good to you”, “Give to others what you would like to receive,” among many other things. But as time went by, I slowly fell into despair. Since I was 8 years old, I’ve had suicidal thoughts, strongly influenced by my social/romantic life. Eventually, I began to harbor unhealthy beliefs that took root in my way of thinking. For example, I thought I had to make enormous efforts to maintain the “affection” and “acceptance” people “had” for me. I also believed that if no one, not a single person, treated me with respect, it was because that was what I deserved. If no one was interested in who I was, it was because I was worth so little that I couldn’t ask for more from life and should be grateful for the crumbs of “love” I received. Regarding my love life, during my first 19 years, not a single person showed interest in me. I’m not extremely attractive, but based on social feedback, I’d say I’m slightly above average. Perhaps my short height would be the one physical trait that works against me, as I’m 1.63 meters or, as you might better understand, I’m 5’4”. As for internal traits related to girls, I treated them well, was respectful, showed interest in them, helped them, dedicated a lot of my time, and was unconditionally there for them through good and bad times. I was many things that, according to movies and the opinions of many girls (based solely on what they said they wanted), I thought would bring me plenty of women, and yet, not a single soul wanted to be with me. What I did achieve with the girls I liked was becoming their best friend. And so, I spent my days and nights listening to the girls I liked cry over aggressive men who mistreated them physically and emotionally and/or cheated on them with other girls. I didn’t understand it; I had a good set of values and not just with them but with everyone. I considered myself a good guy, competent in some areas, and was unconditionally there for them, and yet they preferred to be with clearly violent men. In one of the moments when I felt most miserable, the following happened: I liked a girl and expressed it to her, and although she initially reciprocated, a month later, she left me for someone else and started dating that person. In something very similar to therapy, I ended up helping her for almost three years to improve her relationship with her aggressive partner.
Here, I’d like to say something (nothing to do with the situation, but anyway, I wanted to share those thoughts with you): two of the worst things I was made to believe were: “You don’t have to change; someone will come and love you just as you are,” and “Romantic love is something that just happens naturally, stop looking for it. It will come to you.” Neither of these things ever happened, and both are awful, unempathetic and limiting mindsets.
Eight years ago, after spending some time in a psychiatric hospital due to suicidal ideation, I decided to completely change my life and committed to my personal growth. Every day without exception, I studied and applied the concepts I was learning in my spare time, while studying to one day become a psychologist. I bought books, courses (even from very prominent figures in the world of seduction and self-development that you would easily recognize). When I didn’t even have money to eat, I downloaded them from pirate sources, but I always found a way to keep progressing. I had many virtual teachers who helped me grow in different aspects, and I’m very grateful for the knowledge they provided me that helped me climb out of that black hole. Like many who embark on this journey, I reached a point where, no matter how much I read and took courses, there was nothing new to pull me out of my stagnation. Everything was the same. I had to constantly review new resources and listen to endless hours of videos to find a needle in a haystack. For me, it was no longer worth paying for a full course if what I was going to found was something I had likely already learned (a lot of times for free). Although I sought to develop on all levels, here I will emphasize the romantic part more. Generally, these learning resources had a couple of problems: the first is that I’ve never been the kind of person who wants to date multiple girls; I’m more the type of guy who seeks a stable partner. The second problem was that many people who teach dating skills ask you to have a very high energy level and I’m a very calm and rather introverted person (not shy, introverted). I don’t want to pretend to be excited or become friends with everyone around me to increase my social value (it’s very exhausting and not worth it as a long-term strategy). The third problem is that the advice of many people who want to promote healthy relationships (some of them psychologists), although well-intentioned, makes any spark that generated attraction nonexistent, generating very predictable behavior (in the bad way) among other things. – certainly, those tools are important for a healthy relationship, but they won’t necessarily make someone feel attracted to you (I find it unlikely). They are more of a positive complement that can help increase value when there is already attraction. After a while and thanks to Lucio’s reflections, I realized the problems and limitations that these gurus or psychologists, basically they are very “politically correct”. Finally, the last problem I found is that none of them addressed the true root of my problem. No matter how much I improved in all aspects, I still didn’t see results with girls. Yes, the number of girls approaching me increased slightly, but none wanted to be with me for a long-term relationship. That missing ingredient is called “power,” and although briefly mentioned in those courses, videos, books, etc., it was never sufficiently well explained to understand why I wasn’t achieving results. My problem was that my balance between warmth and power was enormously unbalanced. I was completely warm with people, but I didn’t have a clue about power dynamics (what Lucio would call “The King’s Servant). I ended up in the “good guy” category, a good guy who wanted to be bad and wanted to treat women poorly to see if he got results, but whose moral values never allowed him to do anything that would hurt or could hurt another person, even if it meant remaining alone (which, far from making me feel good or proud at the moment, it only increased my self-hate). I wanted to remain good, but being good got me nowhere. Adding to that, due to my upbringing, I developed an anxious attachment style (something I also hated for a long time because, objectively speaking, it’s certainly easier for an avoidant man to have more power in a relationship thanks to his natural tendency to fear emotional closeness and natural behavior to protect his independence; quick note: I think that behavior is far from perfect but from what I’ve seen at least they get more results with girls). I have been always considered too clingy and dependent.
Many girls who felt initial attraction to me after a while wanted me to stay in their lives, but never as their partner, only as a good friend. When I turned 20, I found my first partner. This girl was incredibly attracted to me at first, but as soon as I started prioritizing her and seeking closeness, when I set aside my power to be “truly myself,” she began to lose attraction and started to disrespect me. At some point along that path, I came across TPM, and I must say it was a pleasant surprise after years of stagnation.
Human beings are very complex, and because of this, it’s unlikely that a single teacher will “save” you from your social and/or romantic situation. But for me, the person who has influenced my life for the better the most is Lucio. Since I started this journey, I’ve been gathering bits of knowledge from each person that has contributed to who I am, but there have been two things that have totally changed my social life, and for me, both are equally important. The first would take a long time to explain and is more about inner work and pure reflection, but in terms of knowledge, if I had to erase those eight years and start over, I’d like it to be with the knowledge Lucio provides. Seduction University was the last course I bought a long time ago, and Power University will probably be the last course I’ll buy (for several years). I bought Seduction University quite some time ago (about two or three years) and am still learning; I’m just over 73% through the course. This amount of time might surprise many, but those who seek lasting changes in themselves and who are truly committed to deeply learning and integrating everything there until it becomes second nature, know it will likely take several months and probably years.
Having knowledge is not a magic cure; knowing something doesn't make you good at it. Changing deep aspects of one's identity is not as easy as many people seem to forget; it's slow, very slow, and also requires conscious and constant effort. The path of personal growth is not easy, but personally I don't expect it to be. It may take me several years of practice to consolidate all that knowledge, but I know with absolute certainty that it will be a great investment for my future. Going back to the main point, in my opinion, Seduction University and very likely Power University will give you much more value than what you'd get from a more well-known person's course, and at an incredibly affordable price. I know this, because I've been consuming content from many authors for 8 years (every day, each day of the past 8 years without fail). Honestly, I'm fortunate that it is priced so affordably. To be completely honest with you I don't earn much money, and, in my country, there is not much economic prosperity, there is significant inequality, and for me, paying for a course in dollars is comparatively much more expensive than for people who earn in dollars or other stronger currencies. And still, I believe it's totally worth investing in these courses.
One important thing I've learned over the years is that there are things your mind will not be ready to understand, and the good thing about that is as long as you commit to your learning, you will keep growing and progressing, and at some point when you revisit the material, you might understand those things you didn't “grasp” initially, or you might achieve more advanced things that your novice self couldn't properly do the first time you went through the material. You'll pay a price for one of these courses the day you decide to buy it (if you decide to do so), but the truth is that by the time you truly learn everything, so much time will have passed that, if you look at it from a very distant perspective (all the required time for you to really learn), you'll find that the benefits you will get will be arguably greater than those that Lucio and his team will have gotten. Another thing to keep in mind is that either Seduction University or Power University, if used well, will likely help you achieve more economic prosperity; on the other hand, Lucio makes sure to improve the course content, which guarantees even more growth over time. For me this justifies the annual payment to access the material again, which brings me to the next point: Lucio gives you a full year to access the learning material, and if you want to keep having access, he significantly reduces the price (probably in gratitude to those who trusted him and decided to buy the course). Also, keep in mind what I said about how it's very likely that the second or third time you take the course, you'll probably learn new things you were not prepared for before. Finally, it's a price that, in my opinion, supports all his work. He has spent a lot of time and effort reading books, articles, reviewing courses, making videos, writing in his blog, and much more, all for free. Even if you decided not to buy any of his courses, believe me, just by reading his articles, watching his videos, and reading the book reviews he recommends for specific issues, you'd already be avoiding wasting time on reading useless or unnecessarily complex things. For my part, I'm glad he was able to provide me with a way out of the stagnation I had; I really like that he also considers people who are looking for a stable relationship and not just those seeking to have more sexual partners (which is also very valid and respectable); I like that he teaches the "general rules and mindsets," allowing for personality flexibility since that way I don't feel compelled to be (or rather pretend to be) a very energetic and super sociable person to achieve good results with girls; I like that he is a person who does not seek or promote the use of the knowledge he has to harm people but focuses on teaching how to generate relationships that promote a win-win dynamic. Since I started to consume his content, my life has changed quite a bit. I definitely feel more respected, and all my relationships have improved on all levels, romantically, although I have not yet found a person with whom there has been enough compatibility to want to have that person as a stable partner, and I still have much to improve, I definitely feel that I have become more attractive to people. In my last job, considering there weren't many staff members (about 30-35 workers including supervisors and the manager), I ended up being (romantically/sexually) liked by 14 people (8 women, 6 men), and in that job, I dated my second partner. I still make many mistakes, and there are deeper issues that require professional help, but the truth is that my life has undoubtedly improved a lot. I am a person who really takes the time to learn and truly integrate into myself what I have learned, and it has taken me years to consolidate the knowledge in Seduction University. As I said before, I haven't finished it, and it will probably take me many more months (maybe years) to consolidate the information there and what I still have not read yet in the course (not to mention the hyperlinks he provides to dig really deep in some topics). I want to improve even more in my life, and that’s why I decided to buy Power University. From lesson one, I already started finding very valuable knowledge; I haven't gone far into the course, and it would be dishonest to give my opinion, but I feel that, like Seduction University, Power University will also be very worthwhile. The book "Ultimate Power" also has hidden gems (at the moment, I am reflecting a lot on what it explains about cultivating an antifragile ego). I decided not to buy more courses or books because it will probably take me more than a year to consume all the content and much longer to make it my second nature. Although I like to diversify my knowledge and will continue learning about synergistic topics about personal growth, I would like to prioritize finishing both courses (at least "the reading part" the "superficial effort part"), besides dedicating the rest of my efforts to deep-reflective inner work, developing a physique that I feel happy with, and creating my own business that will allow me to help more people and animals in the future.
I hope the knowledge you find in any of TPM’s resources changes your life as much as it changed mine. Of course, it’s important to learn from different people and not become obsessed with a single philosophy. There are things you won’t find in Lucio’s material that could be very useful in your life and your specific problems/challenges, and you shouldn’t overlook them. Additionally, learning from different people with different perspectives will help you be more flexible and have a better chance of achieving the things you want in life. Find someone who shares their knowledge with you and who makes you reflect, and when you notice that that person starts repeating ideas, it's time to move on and look for new people who can help you out of your stagnation. Remember, every piece is important along the way, and it's important to be grateful to every person you meet because everyone has a valuable lesson to teach you (especially when that person has a different perspective than yours).
I'll probably spend many more years learning from Lucio until I finish integrating the knowledge he offers (although as he will most likely keep adding more content and learning things on his own, I will surely visit his blog or YouTube channel from time to time like visiting an old and dear friend and teacher whom I admire and respect).
I would like to make a final mention to John from customer service. He is a charming person and attended to me very well every time I contacted customer service. It feels like talking to a good friend; the service is fast, he is respectful, he has manners, and from start to finish he was very attentive in keeping his word every time he told me he would respond within a certain time frame. You can't really get to know a person in customer service, but from all the times I talked to him, he seemed competent, warm, and generous. John deserves a raise; he’s a really great guy :)

My apologies in advance if this is long. I was in an abusive relationship/marriage for 23 years. This incident happened when we were still friends. If I had I only known the truth when this had originally happened, I would have been saved from decades of emotional, psychological, verbal, physical, sexual, and physical abuse. (And currently post-separation abuse).
The cast: me, my ex Bub (Beelzebub), my ex-crush B, Bub's gf M, Bub's bf V (It will make sense when you read it.)
TW: Suicide, self-harm, abuse
We met through a mutual friend. We became really close really quickly. He was 17 and I was 19. We would talk for hours about anything and everything. I was raised around domestic abuse, and my family was highly dysfunctional. I suffered severe trauma as a child being raised in this environment with an abusive father and brother. (His namesake). By the time I met Bub, I had been having mental health struggles for many years. To deal with the trauma I still suffered from I would self-harm by cutting frequently. I also had been in a psychiatric hospital twice for suicide attempts. I told Bub about all of this, and he knew that I still did it. He was very supportive and would get really sad when I harmed myself.
Since we were just friends we would talk about our crushes. He had a crush on a girl from high school and I had a crush on one of my ex's B, who was also my high school crush. We only dated for 3 weeks, and we decided we were better as friends then lovers. Though we did have a FWB thing going on when we were both single. He really talked up his crush and I really talked up mine.
Two months into our friendship he got a gf. He told me she was a girl he knew from his home city named M. He claimed her mother would babysit him and his brother. He really talked this girl up. She was into all the same things as him. He said she had beautiful red hair, D breasts, liked the same books, movies and music as him. (Yes, he bragged about these things, as disgusting and corny as it sounds now). I was starting to believe he talked her up to make me jealous, which it honestly did. However, I knew it was petty jealousy and I was very happy for him and expressed that to him.
I don't know whose idea it was for her to start communicating with me, but she started emailing me to get to know his best friend (me). I was totally cool with this and was excited to get to know her. Before I know it, she starts getting really nasty with me for no apparent reason. It really upset me. My natural impulse at the time when I was upset was to cut. It was a maladaptive coping mechanism I had for years, and I did it when I was really upset. I explained this to him, and he said he would talk to her. He showed real concern I was harming myself and he also wanted her to stop.
So, he told me he had talked to her, and she had told him she would stop harassing me for no good reason. I really assumed she was jealous and let her know there was nothing to worry about. We were friends and he had a much longer history with her. She didn't stop. She continued to say the vilest and f'd up things to me, including making crass and insensitive comments about my suicidal ideation and self-harm. Naturally I was really upset and cut myself pretty badly. I still have the scar.
This basically went on until they broke up a month later. He said she was doing heroin, and he was vehemently against drugs. He said that they had a good friend that died of an OD, and he couldn't be with her if she was going to do that. It was over. She never contacted me again.
Not long after that B (my ex-bf) had come back from bootcamp. I spent a good deal of time with him while he was on home for leave for two weeks before he shipped out overseas. We decided in that time that we would no longer be FWB because I was starting to have feelings for Bub. Me and Bub started dating right after that. He ended up telling me that him and M didn't really date, and he had only told me that to make me jealous. AHA! I was correct!
So, I asked to meet her. He was a bit hesitant at first, but he finally agreed. At this point his bf V from his home city was dating her. It was the perfect opportunity to meet her as like a double date. I will say, at that time in my life I could be possessive and jealous. Not proud of it, but I was young and immature. I ended up treating her pretty snidely because of this.
One night we were out with them, and Bub got into a car accident. We ended up having to call his dad for a ride home. When we got to his home, his dad was contemplating letting them sleep there. I whispered in Bub's ear that I was not okay with his ex-gf sleeping at his house. She overheard me tell him this. She pulled me aside and told me they never dated. WHAT? I was furious. Bub made eye contact with me, and by the look on his face, I could tell he knew what she told me. The ride back, to drop them at home in his dad's car, was uncomfortable to say the least.
After he dropped them off, I confronted him. His explanation was I was so pushy to meet her, but he knew how jealous I could be, so he didn't want to actually introduce me to the real M. Ends up V was dating a girl with the same name. I felt so stupid and betrayed. I wanted to end it, but he seemed so remorseful I ended up giving him another chance.
Well, the years go rolling by, and I hear no more about this girl who he was so close with, in the past. Bub was a very charismatic person with a lot of friends. He never stopped speaking to friends permanently and they would come in and out of his life. I found it a little odd that there was no mention of her but didn't think much else of it. I also never really formally met her.
Then Facebook became a thing. He ended up being friends with every person he had ever known. Except her. I would bring it up and he would always have some excuse. We ended up moving in with his brother in 2015. I wasn't really around his brother a lot, so I never got a chance to talk to him at length. I remember at one point I brought her up. I was just so curious at the mystery girl and wanted to see if he was still in touch with her. He told me he didn't know what I was talking about. He said his mother never left them with babysitters and only worked when they were in school.
"What does that mean," I'm thinking. WTF does that mean? I brought it up to Bub and he told me she only babysat a few times so his brother probably forgot. But this didn't sit right with me. He had told me that she would babysit them frequently. He denied ever saying the frequency. What could I do but believe him? It had been almost 15 years by that point. That's a long time to keep a secret like that. Surely, he was telling me the truth. I dropped it for good.
We get married that year. We had a child the next year. We had a stillborn a year after that. All this time until 2022, I started feeling really uneasy about our relationship. I started suspecting that his behavior towards me was abusive.
Sidenote: I didn't include all the abusive behaviors in this post, as it would be a novel if I did. I'm simply recalling the events around the catalyst to my descent into hell.
By the end of 2022 I was broken. I had gotten my first of what would end up being 3 TROs against him. I dismissed the first two. (The second was a dual, as he set up a situation that created the need for me to defend myself. He claimed I wasn't defending myself. That's a story for another day). After the first two, I was still so desperate to salvage my marriage with my eternal hope that he could change. I was just so broken by then I didn't think I deserved any better, and no one else could possibly want a worthless, pitiful broken mess like me.
The summer of 2023, while laying sleepless in bed, the memory of M flashed through my mind. I started remembering details I had long forgotten. Why did I never meet her? Why was she never his friend on Facebook? Why had neither of them reached out to each other? I had met every person he talked about, or he was at least friends with them on Facebook. Why not her? Why did his brother not remember? Why did he say M's mother babysat them all the time? I KNOW he originally said that damn it! Why was her email address, at only 17-years-old, her first and last name? 17-year-olds don't use their names like professionals. They call themselves sparklybutterflies86 for christ's sakes! This was all going through my head.
The next day I confronted Bub. I will paraphrase to the best of my memory:
Me: Was M real?
Bub: I thought this had been settled already.
Me: No. No, it hasn't. You told me your brother just did not remember her and that was the last I spoke of it.
Bub: Deadpanned looking me right in the eye "No. She wasn't real. I thought you knew this by now."
I can't really remember what I said at that point, but it was a lot of "how the fuck could you do that? and other expletives. His excuse was he was an insecure teenager, and he was jealous of B and how much I talked about him. A fucking insecure teenager. Talking up his high school crush didn't make me jealous, so he made up a gf.
He pretended to be a gf, who went on to harass the shit out me. Which caused me to be so distraught that I cut myself. He knew I was harming myself and he kept on doing it. I still bare the fucking scar from that time. He involved a poor innocent girl that I was fucking terrible to. Not to mention the fake story of a friend that Od'd. And his excuse for this deranged, diabolical, INSANE fucking shit was, "I was an insecure teenager." No fucking big deal, right?
23 years. Two kids. One alive and one deceased. 23 years of complete and utter psychological annihilation with this man.
If only I had known.
If you have come this far, thank you so much for reading. I left him for good October of last year, and I have never felt more free.

I turned 26 yesterday and spent my birthday alone in my apartment. I cried on the couch as my cat tried to eat crumbs from my turkey sandwich. This loneliness made me realize my lack of community and genuine connections. Growing up, I constantly moved, preventing me from maintaining long-term friendships. I attended elementary school in one state, middle school in another, and high school across the country. After high school, we moved back to the U.S., settling in a new state where I've lived ever since. I have no family nearby; my parents are four hours away, and my extended family lives overseas. Despite being here for years, forming a strong social circle has been tough. I did my prereqs at community college and then joined a dental hygienist program with only 24 students, who were mostly older and married. Being the youngest, I missed out on bonding opportunities and the "quintessential college experience," which I still regret. I find myself lamenting the loss of that chaotic time of life where you're supposed to have fun and do shit you regret. Post-grad, connections faded as everyone moved on. I work in a small practice now, limiting any real social opportunities. Seeing others with more grounded upbringings or traditional college experiences makes me envious, like my coworker in her 50s, who is still close with her sorority sisters and even goes on annual trips.
My only close friend from my program moved away post-grad. I maintain contact with a few long-distance friends, but I really only have two solid local friends. But they're married with kids, while I'm single and childless, so just very different life stages. We still have infrequent meetups, like lunch or a catch up at their house, around 1-2x times a month. I've tried planning varied hangouts, but they're usually busy with family commitments or just not interested in a different vibe, so I let that go. I don’t have friends for spontaneous plans like drinks after work, wine-and-paint nights, or to ask to attend a concert with. There’s no one I can just call to hang out or invite over during the weekends.
I've been single for a year, and even during my previous two-year relationship, I longed for my own friends and a sense of community outside the relationship. My ex's friends were welcoming, but they never truly felt like mine, and those friendships vanished post-breakup. I never heard from them again, which I expected, but it was still hard. Despite thinking those friendships were genuine, I always knew they'd end if we broke up. My ex didn't get why I wanted my own connections, saying his friends should be enough for me. Even while with him, I tried meeting new people. I connected with some at my boxing studio; we had a group chat, mainly for session times. Those connections faded when I left. I had a hopeful start with a neighbor from the dog park. She asked for my number and we texted about meeting for brunch. She canceled the first time, then didn’t show up for the reschedule. I waited at the restaurant for 15 minutes before leaving. Hours later, she apologized, explaining her boyfriend came home early and she wanted to spend extra time with him. I had ditched plans with my then-boyfriend and his friends, excited to meet her, and felt like a dumbass afterward.
Navigating my twenties alone just feels isolating, like I’m missing out on an exclusive party while watching from the sidelines. My life revolves around work, my pets, and the gym, but otherwise, my social life is non-existent. My phone is as dry as the Sahara—I don’t get any regular texts or calls. Everything is routine and mundane. I deleted IG to stop the comparisons. I occasionally use Snapchat to keep in touch with some old friends. Tried Hinge last month, thinking dating may fill the void, but quickly realized that's not what I’m looking for. I want fulfillment through platonic connections, not romantic pursuits. I just feel like a passerby in my own life, craving spontaneity and excitement, but everything feels routine and mundane. Admitting this is a bit embarrassing, but I just hope I’m not alone in feeling this way. Any personal anecdotes or advice on making new friends and finding a sense of community later in life?

Another post about my former friend. You know, the fact she treated me like shit is one thing. But another thing is that i got to see how she lives. You know what they say, right? Get some women friends. Yeah, this was a massive eye opener

• She had 6 ex boyfriends. And it's not like they were all awful. She just got bored with them. She also once bragged about having anal sex during a hookup. When we were hanging out, she talked about how she downloaded tinder after 4 months of being single. And it took her less than a day to get a date with this "fucking awesome man"
  
• She later said that she tried punching that guy in the face for no real reason other than her having a bad mood. Of course he got angry and left which she treated as a giant joke. "His loss, plenty fish in the sea". And yeah, she really treated guys as replacable cogs. And you know, she owes them nothing but they gotta put in the effort
  
• Yeah, zero respect for men. She got to complain about them all day. Nobody judged her for it. Men are this, men are that. Oh you know how men are. (Of course i was one of "the good guys"). Hell, she said that after every break up, she and her friend just tell each other how awesome they are and that the guy was an asshole and didn't deserve them. In the meantime she flipped out on me when i complained that women on tinder put nothing in their bios. This was the only negative thing i said about women, mind you. And it's not like i did it randomly. I said it after she told me to write my openers about women's bios and show them i am genuenly interested
  
• I once joined up and helped organise a birthday party she did for one of her gal pals. Just the fact that they organised it themselves. This was supposed to be a suprise. Everyone was buying some personalised gifts. Same when she was having a birthday of her own. Everyone was putting in so much effort. Meanwhile, on my birthdays i invite 20 people who give me an unenthisiastic "i'll see and let you know". Then they don't let me know and i have to ask them again. Then most people say they have something else to do and only 3 people show up at best. And i sure as hell don't get gifts.
  
• She didn't have a job. She spent all her time volounteering. Her parents paid for her. This absolutely didn't stop her from venting about how awful and hard the life of a woman is and that i have it fucking easy. Oh, and despite the life of a woman consisting of always looking for the signs of danger, she would get absolutely wasted at parties and go sleep over with dudes she just met
  

I'm of South Asian descent, and I spent nearly a year living with my girlfriend. Despite a few arguments, our time together was mostly harmonious, and I deeply loved being with her. We connected on every level, and I was genuinely proud of her and her achievements. However, one issue loomed over our relationship - my parents' preference for a slim partner. Although I had no issue with my girlfriend's weight, my parents were against a love marriage from the start.
Early on, I informed my girlfriend that marriage wasn't feasible. We decided to keep things casual, but over time, we both realized the seriousness of our bond. I could envision a future with her and conveyed my feelings to her.
Then, a medical emergency forced me to move back home. Constant arguments and emotional manipulation from my parents wore me down. Despite still loving her deeply, I ended things with my girlfriend. We agreed to remain friends, but the pain lingered.
6 months of searching for someone and I did not find any match I liked or connected with. There was a girl that I met on matrimony sites that I rejected but she kept following up and calling and texting and I was in a low phase and I also spoke to her. She was the type my parents wanted.
I could also talk to her but it was no where close to the connection I felt with my ex. My ex and I were talking at this time but my ex was trying to pull away from me. Finally after months of not finding someone I decided to give the other girl a chance and asked her to come meet my family. My family really liked her. Because she was more traditional I would say. She was also very docile and listens to whatever any body tells her to do .I told this to my ex that my marriage is fixed and we decided to cut contact. 2 weeks later, I had a bad fight with my fiance and I called my ex up because I felt she was the only who understood me. My fiance and I just couldnt connect, she was trying very hard but all my exes have been fiery, go getters and smart women. My fiance was just pretty and nothing else.
I took a flight and went to see my ex and stayed with her for 6 months while meeting my fiance once a week for lunch. The couple of times my fiance and I tried being physically intimate it was very sad. Since my ex and I very staying together our feelings for each other also grew. I was happy with my ex, she knew how to make everything all right. I tried talking to my parents multiple times that I dont want to get married but they refused to listen to my point. We had a small ceremony with close family and friends where they blessed my fiance and us. After the event , my fiance and I took a hotel room to celebrate and instead we had a horrible fight and I took a cab and went to my ex.
The entire 6 months that I was engaged, my mental health was horrible as I was constantly fighting and making up with my fiance. My ex was my support system, I saw that I was hurting her because she had feelings for me and I admit I was selfish and couldnt always be there for her as I was hiding her importance from my fiance.
Finally,as a last effort I fought with my dad to end this engagement but that did not happen.
My ex told me to come clean regarding the cheating with my fiance multiple times as all our friends and family were aware of our relationship and the cheating. I admit I lied and I told her I did.
My ex and I started arguing because she couldnt understand if I loved her so much , why couldnt I fight for her? We come from different family backgrounds. a month ago while I was staying with my parents ,she told me she was going to tell my fiance the truth as she felt guilty for her part in the cheating. She called up my fiance and told her everything. At that point as I had accepted that I was going to be marrying my fiance, I refuted everything and made my fiance look crazy and brought up her mental health struggled to discredit her.
I was angry that she tried to sabotage my marriage. My friends and family supported me in convincing my fiance that nothing happened and she is just a crazy ex. I know some parts I was wrong but my ex knew the whole truth, she knew my situation. Why did she have to go and disclose everything.? What could I have done differently.
TL;DR: I was forced into an arranged marriage and was involved with my ex at the same time.

TLDR; secretly bought an engagement ring a year ago because my girlfriend wanted it, now she wants something else
My girlfriend has been very wishy washy about proposals/engagements. She is always asking "when are we going to get married" "I cannot wait until I am your wife!" "When is the proposal" Etc, but every time I try and sit down to talk with her about her actual marriage goals and expectations, or what she wants out of an engagement she freezes up and either goes on about something that does not really matter for right now, or has no opinion at all. I have asked her time and time again about just simple things like her gold colour preference or if she wants a diamond just so I can vaguely get an idea of what I need to look for, only to get no straight answer.
Well, she finally settled on an idea and told me about it and showed me some photos. I talked to her at length about what drew her to that style, why she preferred it, what were hard yesses and nos, and if it truly felt right. She seemed very excited by it all and so I quietly got to work behind the scenes and not long after bought the actual ring from the inspo pics.
It was a true vintage secondhand ring from a seller on etsy. I had to take it to a local jewler to get sized. I bought the ring in December '23 and had it resized this January and it has been sitting in my closet since. I wanted to propose in April but we had some life stuff going on so I waited. I have been planning to propose at the end of next month as we are taking a vacation to a spot that is special to her. I have been keeping this ring a secret for 6 months now!
And today she mentioned how she is "not so sold on that ring style I mentioned before". Oh. My. God. The panic that ran through me during our conversation. I hoped I did not let it show but I have been internally freaking out all day. She says she is not so sure if it feels right to her anymore and that she might want something more classic (it was a coloured ring so ""untraditional""). But she "still needs to think about it". I suggested we go to a jeweler and let her try on all kinds of different rings in person so she can gauge her style in reality, not just pictures. She had been asking about that style for about 7-10 months before I felt like it was a solid enough idea of hers to feel comfortable purchasing.
But Y'ALL?!?!?! Whaaaaaat am I supposed to do with the other ring I bought??? I logged into etsy today to see if I could contact the seller and ask about returning it even though I had it sized and their store is no longer active. I know I could take it to a local jewler and sell it for scrap but I would hate to do that especially since I would be losing so much. I was thinking about saving it and giving it to her as a future birthday or christmas gift. But now I do not know what to do!! I spent my whole budget on it! Now I have to either find a way to sell it asap or find a way to explain why I suddenly need to save for her (new 😫) ring when it was not an issue before. I am also scared that I am going to get a new ring just for her to change her mind again. Why does this have to feel so impossible 😭
(And for those of you that will suggest putting her in charge- we have discussed this. I have always said that she can design the ring and we will have it made under her instruction. But she wants it to be a complete surprise so I am not left with a lot of wiggle room lol)

I (18F) lost my dad (57M) to pancreatic cancer on August 9th, 2015. He was diagnosed when I was five and held on far longer than the six months he was expected to, for my sake.
I wish I had more memories. I wish I asked him more questions. I wish I wasn’t forgetting his face. I wish we had more pictures and videos. I wish my parents hadn’t divorced because then I would’ve had more than just weekends with him. I wish I hadn’t been so focused in stuff like toys and the iPad he gave me when he entered hospice. I wish I had payed more attention to him. I wish I hadn’t been so fascinated by YouTube. I wish I had been less self-absorbed. I wish I hadn’t sometimes cancelled visiting him in hospice for selfish and/or unimportant reasons. I wish I had snuggled with him more. I kind of wish I was told about his death when it happened so I could have the chance to say goodbye, even just to his body—I wasn’t told for a week, because I had a sleep away camp trip planned the day after he died and my mom decided to let me enjoy that and tell me after picking me up when I got back. I don’t even remember much from it and what I do remember aren’t great memories. I wish I spent more time with him. I wish he wasn’t so stubborn and prideful that he refused to use a wheelchair, fell, hit his head and accelerated his death.
The regret I think about most often though, is one I actually could have gone my whole life without knowing… if my therapist at the therapeutic boarding school I went to a few years later didn’t randomly decide to do a stupid “and how does that make you feel?” with something my mom told her in confidence:
I blew off the scheduled visit that would have been the last one before his death.
I hate knowing this. My mom was furious when I told her a year or two later that my therapist had shared it. I cry when I think about this. I’m very aware that I had no way of knowing it would have been the last time, but I still hate my younger self for this. I was his only blood relative; excluding my mom, his ex-wife whom he shared a kid with, I was his only family.
I don’t remember what my last interaction with him was. I don’t remember the last goodbye. For all I know, I could left the room after a quick hug and wave and rushed out so I wouldn’t hear him and my mom talking. For all I know, I might had the iPad with me and had been more focused on it than him. I don’t know if it was a happy or sad goodbye. I don’t know anything about his death. Only as I’m typing this did it it occur to me to wonder how he must have felt when I cancelled on him, not just the last time but every time I did. It can’t have been too many times but still. I hate imagining it.
I have insomnia and once my mom has gone to sleep a couple times every month or so I spend a while quietly sobbing. When I think about this. When I think about how he’ll never get to walk me down the isle or meet a grandchild, whom I’m sure he would’ve loved so, so much; he had an awful childhood and had been determined to make sure I had the best one he could give, and I bet he would’ve done the same with a grandchild.
My advice for anyone, cancer or not, patient or family, would be to make as many memories as possible and document it when you can. But probably most importantly, treat every single goodbye as if it’s the last one you’ll ever have, because there’s always a chance it is. Hug your loved ones as long as they’ll let you. Remember how their body feels when you hug them, the scratchiness of beard stubble, the chemo port under their skin standing out because they got thinner. Cup their face in your hands and look at it, really taking it in, memorizing every feature. If it’s the last time you see them, you’ll remember how they looked, and if it’s the last time they see you, they’ll think back on how you held and studied their face before goodbyes and feel the love you had for them in how you tried to commit their face to memory.
That’s all from me. My eyes hurt from crying and my throat hurts from sobbing. I have class tomorrow (aka later today), to make art he’ll never get to see. I don’t know what comes after death. I try to believe there’s something, anything. If there is, and it’s miraculously something that lets me meet him again, I won’t turn it down this time. I want to apologize. I want him to know me and me to know him.
I love you, Myeh. Forever and for always.