Hi everyone. Not sure how helpful this will be, but I wanted to post about a scammer going around. The Reddit username was u/No_Obligation4449, they messaged me early this morning saying they had a Dragonsteel Nexus VIP ticket for sale. They friended me on Tabletop under the username Joybbb. They requested to be paid through ApplePay under the number +1 (814) 403-8806.
I agreed to send half now, and then half after the ticket was in my account. They then said that they had 2 badges and could not separate them so they would send me both if I sent the other half now. I stupidly made the decision to trust them, and they never sent any badges. Thankfully, Apple flagged the second payment as fraud so I was able to cancel it, but the first payment is lost.
If someone contacts you under any of these accounts saying they have 2 VIP tickets for sale, don’t listen to them! I have alerted them to Apple and Tabletop as well, but I wanted to make sure no one else made my mistake. Be smarter than me!

Hey, i am a minor whose been struggling their whole life with a bunch of stuff, and its only worse now, all my mental ilnesses have catched up to me and my mom has gotten way way worse, i dont know if im even doing this right i just need someone to talk to other then all my online friends, I've been homeschooled for about five years now with no way of having any social life and barely ever getting to go out, no vacations or anything, the most that happens is my cousin coming over once every few years, i have no way of getting to go out and i cant make friends in online school because i don't relate to any of them and they're all really rude for some reason, with the topic of school, i have been serverely struggling, and my mom wont leave me alone about it, she constantly comes into my room and screams at me for it, its gone to the point where if i hear someone by my room i just think its her and when i hear her voice i already know shes gonna yell at me, i even sometimes have hallucinations or bad nightmares about it, and some other past experiences too, i can barely do school and all my school does is give me more work when im already struggling, and they constantly email her which makes her more upset at me, ive told her ive been having trouble and they wont stop giving me more work but she doesn't listen to me, ive tried to attempt multiple times and shes even saw my self harm cuts because ive talked to a counselor about it when i was in person school and all she did was yell at me for it, even when my friend was over, now im scared to ever talk to any adult about this, i have none to talk to this about to even, ive even told her about the SA my cousin did to me and she didnt care, but she constantly makes innapropiate remarks to me like "youre gonna get trafficked if you wear that" and i barely even wear revealing stuff, i wear oversized sweaters usually, i hate showing my skin, i just hate my body, theres no point in even wearing anything "good" if i cant even go out right? i dont want to be by her. i really dont. she makes me feel scared and uncomfortable and she constantly treats me like i dont have emotions, i cant even talk to a therapist because she has to be there and always talks for me, and i dont want to. the only people i talk to this about is my online friends, and well, lets just say having your life always online isnt the best. and im not even talking about posting or anything, im talking about it being your ONLY life, i constantly get messages from pedos and i dont even know how they found me, and my friends are mentally ill like me and constantly tell me theyre gonna kill themselves, and that scares me so bad, i dont want to loose the only thing i have. my mom threatens to take away my internet and in fact she did once for two years, so i had no communication at all for two whole years, and one of the reasons i have such a trouble with school is because i helped my little brother who cant read with school for a year so i couldnt focus on my work so i was basically learning nothing, and i was already struggling since school is confusing for me, its hard to focus and get stuff, i feel like i need it to be explained in a way that i can understand, i dont even feel normal, i hate living a life that i cant control. the only actual comfort i have is my cats and theyre always in cages or outside, because we have a ton of cats and my mom wont give them to homes that will actually take care of them. she doesnt even have money to get them fixed. and on this topic of my home life, my mom has never been good to me, in fact shes been really neglectful all my life i even have memories of physical abuse and it still sometimes happens, sometimes she refuses to take me to the hospital, and i remember my dad hitting us with belts while we were naked, but my brain always tries to block this stuff out, and it was always for little stuff like crying too loud. and we always got shamed for crying too loud, i even remember my aunties telling me it wasnt normal for my mom to treat me like that but they never actually DID anything. i also remember my older sister being kind of sexual twoards me, and shes been doing weed for as long as i can remember, she also drinks achohol and my mom buys it for her since she has no job, i remember a lot of traumatic experiences with her drug use, i remember having to hide achohol from her with my mom and constant yelling in my house when i was younger, now its calmer since my moms almost always at work but when shes home shes either sleeping or yelling. i also have traumatic experiences with my online friends, ive gotten groomed multiple times, and i remember multiple of my friends killing themselves, even my REAL life friends have left me, the only one i had that still stayed left about a year ago. i still self harm because i feel like i have to be punished for everything i do, i talk to older people online because they make me feel safe and cared about even if they just want to see my body or talk about sexual stuff with me, i just want to feel. ive had so much physical, mental, verbal, and sexual abuse all my life, i am so close to just ending it all, i really dont want to do this anymore, but my friends make me feel guilty because i dont want to leave them, the only purpose i actually have is to make them feel happy. i want to do good in school but its basically impossible, if i even ever reach the age of an adult i want to be a phsycologist or a surgeon because i want to help people because ive never really gotten help in my life. i feel like im not even here, i dont know, i just feel lost in my thoughts all the time, i dont even feel real, it feels like every conversation i have with my friends are in my head, i have really bad hallucinations sometimes, and it feels like that almost all the time, i dont even feel like im me half of the time, i dont even KNOW who i AM. my mom constantly makes me feel like im being dramatic for all of this. maybe i am. i just need some advice, i dont want to go on another month, another week, another day. im really tired. just tired of it all. i cant even sleep usually, i only get a hour of sleep usually, then take a nap throughout the day, i always wake up constantly and try to sleep but i cant. i try my best to be a good person and a nice person to everyone even my mom, i even feel bad for existing becsuse i know if i didnt she would probably be happier, but its not like i can tell her any of this because one, she always disregards my feelings, and she doesnt even care. my sister sometimes tells her stuff but never does anything. i just want to break out of this constant torment, and my older brother is just living his life, he has a job and lives with his friend, but he was basically the only GOOD person i grew up, im attached to him and all my online friends, im jealous but happy at the same time because hes happy. i know i probably wont ever have that. i dont want to live to be 18. i really cant deal with this for that long. even if i do escape my mom my thoughts are enough to drive me crazy. i just dont feel like i should go on anymore, i have thoughts of hurting myself and people around me, ive had them for years, ever since i was as young as 5, i feel too mature for my age, i never relate to anyone my age, i feel like my mind is too old for my body, but sometime im just some scared kid who wants to feel loved and know what its like to have a parent who cares. i dont know if thats too much to ask for. i used to have a cat outside that i always talked to like it was a human it was my only friend and id go outside all the time and stay out there for hours everyday, i miss her so much because it felt like she actually understood me, it felt like someone did care, i remember when my mom told me she died due to a accident i was so sad for years and i couldnt do anything but cry everyday because of it. i dont feel like i belong anywhere. ive had eating disorders and i still do. the best thing thats happened to me in a while is finanlly getting a room, my sister cleaned out a room that my grandma used to be in so i could be in it since i just used to sleep in the living room with no privacy at all. so i have a place to finally have privacy, even though my mom just bursts in here a lot witout knocking. im just happy i have privacy. i know i have more to say but i cant even think of it right now, my brain feels so foggy, but i dont know if anyone will actually read this, its just a bunch of my stupid thoughts, i dont know. i just want to be gone

I've seen a lot of posts about internal applicants struggling to make moves at the company. I'm in the same boat. Over the course of a year, I've applied to over 40+ internal roles and have made it to an interview stage for about 30% of those (making it to the final rounds for a good amount of them). Still haven't broken through and received an offer. Usually receive some sort of b/s feedback as well (that's not me being sour). I've felt as though most of the interviews went very well, and I would consider myself to have a strong background and fit for the roles I apply for (they are all at my M/P level or one level higher). I've also reached out to the hiring manager(s) ahead of time a lot of the time and try to gage for what they're looking for and build a rapport.
How could one not want to leave the company after this kind of endless cycle? There's also that pretty awkward element of my manager receiving the interview notifications each and every time & round - which I keep him informed about, but still. Also, I've seen on a few posts that recruiters across all of the businesses can see how often you've applied and that probably starts to look sus.
What gives? Curious to hear from others' experiences and especially hiring managers. I'm on the Accounting/Finance side of the org.

10 practical tips for designing a motivating Hero Image that always works

The Hero Image is the first thing people see when they open your page. It’s your unique chance to win them over — or lose them forever.
It takes mere seconds for the user to process the first screen. But behind the scenes, there’s a lot of painstaking work by marketers, designers, and developers. How can you quickly find the right solution and pick the perfect image?
I have compiled the best practices for creating an effective Hero Image to share with you. Let us learn from the best.

1. Don’t lose sight of Hero Section goals

The goal of a Hero Section is to make the user want to learn more and perform the next action. It serves as an introduction and invites further communicat

2. Don’t lose sight of user goals

In an attempt to surprise and keep the viewer on the first screen, some designers unwittingly replace the user’s goal with their own: to make an awesome design. But the user’s goal is not design.
The user’s goal is to get something he or she needs: a thing, a service, or particular information. The design should facilitate this task rather than hamper it.
Smart design doesn’t draw attention to itself, or distract users from their goals, or make them gape in amazement, forgetting why they came. This is especially true for the hero section.
Here’s a typical case. The key points presented to the user are:

• what the company is offering;
• advantages of this offer;
• reasons to trust the company;
• actions to be performed by the user.

The message is obvious: our company is great and the user should hurry up and press that button. Alas, that’s not how it works.
User goals have nothing to do with the goals of website owners, marketers, or designers.
Any info that has no immediate value for the user must be held back. Messages like “We Are the Best,” “Celebrating Ten Years of Success,” “Why People Trust Us,” etc. belong at the bottom of the visual hierarchy.

Hero Section visuals must prioritize user goals.

Show the users what they want to see, and make it look really good. That’s your number one priority. All the rest — reliability, trust, guarantees — only serves to cement the user’s conviction that they’ve come to the right place.ion.
At first glance, what users want to see are benefits and problem solutions, not how great the company is or how cool the design looks. :) That stuff stays in the background!
A Hero Image is a visual stimulus. It promises benefits, improvements, and positive changes.
The user will be willing to take a step forward if:

• they intuitively and immediately like the visuals;
• they see a solution to their problem;
• they’re motivated by the image;
• they’re motivated by the heading;
• they understand what to do next.

3. Remember: no clutter

The home screen must be crystal clear and easily navigable for the user. This is where you showcase the very essence of your offer. Do your utmost to maximize readability. This includes:

• clean, uncluttered design;
• clear page structure;
• plenty of “air”;
• no distractions;
• hierarchy of highlights;
• motivating, concise heading and subheading;
• hero image that matches the message and copy;
• understandable and predictable navigation panel.

Keep it simple and concise!

4. Turn the user’s goal into a visual magnet

The designer’s task is to visualize the user’s goal, making it look attractive, lively, and catchy. Do a comprehensive study and analysis of your users, product, and competitor sites. This will help you find inspiring images and motivating messages for your audience.
Customers often arrive at the page with a specific image of their goal in mind. It’s important to take this into account and meet their expectations. Predictability is what people expect from you. This applies to both visuals and user experience.
Follow the “one idea, one image” rule. Let your heading resonate with, reinforce, and enhance the image. The image and text must stimulate the user’s desire and willingness to take a step toward gratification.

5. Look for specific triggers

As you work on a Hero Image from concept to final design, remember: you are creating a motivational trigger. Feel free to use any and all marketing, design, and psychology tricks to influence user perception.
Every audience has its own motivation. Get to know your users and find the best way to engage them, both emotionally and rationally. (An emotional reaction is followed by a rational assessment of the information.)

User emotions need to be designed and incorporated into the project at the concept stage.

Specific triggers, such as images and/or text, are especially good for engaging emotions.
To find the best trigger, ask yourself:

• What should the user feel when he/she sees your offer?
• What memories should it evoke?
• What associations should it create?

Finding an emotional trigger often requires a good brainstorming session. Make a list of emotions and their possible visualizations, such as engaging images, illustrations, or videos. Test the best ideas.
This is the key to your future conversions and audience love.
The emotions don’t necessarily have to be positive. Apple once successfully exploited fear by designing a blood-red AIDS awareness website with an invitation to become a blood donor. It looked impressive. I don’t know about donations, but a lot of people bought red iPhones. :)

6. Show explicit or implicit benefits

An effective trigger is always associated with user benefits. The trigger pushes users to perform actions that will let them reap these benefits.
Popular Hero Images are focused on:

• the product;
• action;
• advantages;
• the context;
• the process (behind the scenes);
• the company’s owner.

Any type of the Hero Image must convey benefits.

Explicit benefits: highlighting the apparent advantages of using the product or service.
Implicit benefits: visually and psychologically highlighting the user’s improved status, importance, success, skills, and opportunities.
User analysis will help you decide what should be made explicit or kept implicit on a case-by-case basis. Showcasing an implicit benefit is always a win-win. A website that sells nails, for example, will fare much better if its hero section features an image of a thrifty, smart, and neat worker than if it simply has a photo of a house or a bunch of nails. Customers will enjoy feeling like handy homeowners.

7. Manage the user’s attention

Be clear about where you want the viewer’s eyes to go. What will they see first? What next? Where should their gaze linger? Everything depends on the goals of your website and product. The hierarchy of highlights needs to be planned in advance and then tested to make sure it looks like you need it to.
The user’s gaze is controlled by dominance and focal points. Dominant elements are the largest and most attractive ones. Focal points are icons, buttons, and other elements that the user sees after the dominant element. They are responsible for the user’s interest zones and hold his or her attention. They’re typically located at the edges of the screen.
Lifehack #1: Blur your design layout and show it to an average person (not a designer). What’s the first thing they see? What merits more or less attention? It’s a good way to rectify failed ideas before it’s too late.
Lifehack #2: Use eye-tracking software. Even a simple freeware app will help you check if the highlights are in the right places.
If you find that the user’s gaze doesn’t linger long enough on any given element, get to work. Perhaps it’s worth highlighting this element further by making it larger or brighter, adding animation, increasing the font size, and so on. (Test everything!)
Note: Place the main highlight on the emotional trigger, not the CTA button.
All visual composition tricks and instruments must be hierarchically ordered. Shape, color, shade, contrast, size, balance, movement, typography — everything must follow the principle of priority.
Note: Remove distractions. Everything that’s not a first impression priority must have reduced visibility, hidden, or moved elsewhere.

8. Use relevant images

Images are relevant when they match the website’s purpose, idea, and content. Any mismatch between the idea and its visual representation leads to misunderstanding and mistrust. It’s not just out-of-context imagery. A website dedicated to innovation using outdated designs is also an example of irrelevance. Unnecessary wow effects that distract from the message are likewise irrelevant.

The Hero Image must visually convey the essence of the content.

9. Use a short, powerful tagline

Use a short, powerful tagline to engage the user. Coming up with it isn’t as easy as it seems. It’s a creative process. Again, I recommend brainstorming. You have limited character space, yet you need to succinctly convey your values, explain some benefit or problem solution, or ask a related question that will pique the user’s interest. Brainstorming is a great way to find an original idea.

10. Be subtle with your СТА

You may have a great hero image with a good conversion potential, but it will be worthless without a CTA. However, CTA should be approached with caution.

Never use CTA to exert pressure.

Design your CTA to be friendly and non-aggressive rather than demanding. Do not pressure the user into learning everything at once, making purchases, or subscribing. CTA is a logical step on the user’s path toward their goal. If you failed to pique their interest with your tagline and visualization, no CTA button or text will work.
CTA is an organic continuation of your design and business idea. Your visitors are welcome. That’s the point of a CTA button or message: it invites the user to join the action.

Focus your UI and UX on making the user’s goal attractive.

Only then will your CTA be effective. A button motivates no one. People are motivated by ideas and images of the future.
Thanks for reading. Don't forget to follow analyzeoptimize for more such insightful content to grow your online busines.

(Inspired by post where the op said he has some downtime in his job and others suggested building skills with the time. I could relate to the op’s worry of complacency.)
Background: 40s. Gov/social services-ish job. Clerical. I don’t make a ton of $ but can be rewarding (helping people). Most of my coworkers are over-worked and I happen to be in an e-l position that occasionally has some downtime. A “safe and easy” job. Moving up would mean a lot more dealing with difficult people. My thinking is that now is a good time to build skills while in this type of job.

• note: I’m always thinking about hedonic adaptation and wondering if it might be best to appreciate what I have?
  
• note: I’m slowly losing my hearing -> dealing with ppl probs.
  
• note: I can prob get my tuition paid for if I opt for school.
  

Skills: people skills my greatest strength though it’s slowly becoming a weakness. Decent computer skills. Did standup comedy for a while to overcome public speaking fear. Some background in graphic design and was voted as illustrator of the year in my city (I don’t feel it was deserved). Have written a novella (that needs to be edited). Didn’t grow up with tools in the house but like to paint (can cut in) and minor aesthetic improvements to homes. Not really a math/mechanical type. Empathetic but struggle with conflict and tolerating difficult ppl.
Question: What are some certifications/skills that one could be working on in the meantime? This could be side gig, skills to make me betteup-to-date at my current job, or skills for pivoting opportunities?

This is probably going to be long, but I feel like I'm going crazy. I don't feel like I am asking too much of my boyfriend, but then I second guess myself. I do tend to catastrophize things and can react extremely when I am hurt. I don't trust myself enough to know if I am being crazy or not.
So my Bf(M29) and I(F26) have been dating for 1.5 years and living together for 6 months. His communication has not been the best throughout our relationship. In the beginning, I didn't really tell him it bothered me until we are months into the relationship. I guess I didn't want to come off as needy, which I know I shouldn't have done. But he does know now that it bothers me,. When we are in person or on the phone, we have no issues. It's texting that is the issue. He has this 12 day trip that he goes on annually. He is with mostly family and his family friends (ages 30-60 and all men). Pretty much all they do is drink and play golf. When he went last year, he wasn't the best about texting me but I was still trying to not come off as needy so I didn't say anything. This year, I told him for MONTHS to not forget to text me when he was on his trip. When he left, I wasn't really worried. I made it clear what I wanted and I thought that he understood. First 2-3 days of the trip, he is texting me, being very engaged and asking me about my day and how I am. It was some of the best conversations we've had over text. Then 3 days ago, he goes to a concert after his golf round. We had talked about for weeks before he left that I wanted him to Uber there and back because everyone on the trip would be too drunk to drive. He agreed, but was annoyed that It would be almost $200 (he makes good money, just being cheap.. this trip is also completely free for him. He just has to buy booze and food). So the day of the concert comes around and he tells me that him and this other guy are going, but they aren't going to be drinking that much so they will just drive there. I don't believe that. My boyfriend can DRINK. I think he lied about that because just didn't want to Uber even though that is what we agreed about for weeks. But he is adamant that they will be fine and won't drink that much. Again, I do not believe that for a second. But I drop it. *Context* 1If you can't already tell from this post, I do have some mental heath issues. I have a lot of anxiety especially about car accidents. I am super against drunk driving and I think that it is one of the dumbest things you can do. I tell him to text me and let me know that he got home safe.
This is where the issue started... He didn't text me that he got home safe. He texted me that they were almost home at 11PM. I do not hear from him until the next day at 5PM.. I am obviously pissed, more than pissed I was at work all day anxious he was dead on the side of the road or in a hospital. I do not have his location, only on snapchat and it only updates when you are on it. His last location was at a gas station. I am so upset not knowing what is going on. I can't be on my phone at work so I text him right when I get off at 3pm saying "you alive??" and then he replies at 5pm and says "yeah he just finished 27 rounds of golf. How are you?" So at this point, I am so anxious and upset I kinda go off. I said "You didn't think to take 30 seconds to send me a text today? I know you're busy, but it's 5pm..It takes less than a minute to send a quick text. I am not asking for you to text me every 5 seconds, I literally ask for the bare minimum. A few texts a day that's it. At a certain point I am going to get anxious not hearing from you. You know that." He says "That's totally understandable and I do apologize for that. I'll make sure that doesn't happen again." I don't text him back because I just don't want to talk to him and then later that night he says "Goodnight honey, sorry for being an ass and not talking to you today. I will do better because you deserve better. I love you." I text him back in the morning and say "Thanks for apologizing. It really just hurts my feelings, I have told you to text me SO many times. It's not that hard. It's literally so simple. At what point is it that you just don't care enough to do it? I'm not trying to argue with you, I'm just letting you know how I feel. This has gone on for so long and yesterday was just he point that pushed me too far. I told you multiple times to not forget to text me. It doesn't take up much of your time. You knew how much it meant to me, I'm just still really hurt." Him: "feeling that way is totally understandable. I fucked up and I can clearly see that. The only thing I can do now is just be better because you deserve that. I really am extremely sorry :(" I'm still annoyed, but he said that he was going to do better so I just have to trust that he will and I can't be mad at him forever about it. We had some normal conversation and then I text him at 9:30pm... This mf doesn't text me back until 12hrs later... not even 24hrs after we had that conversation. Doesn't even tell me goodnight at the least. So I am upset all night. Didn't fall asleep until 5am and woke up at 7:30am. I wait to say anything to him until he texts me & he just says "good morning honey" I ask if that is really all he has to say and he says "what? I'm just saying good morning?" Me: "You didn't think to text me last night after what we just talked about earlier that morning" him: "sorry I was talking to everyone and plus I was in the pool so I didn't have my phone." Then I just go off, I am anxious, my feelings are hurt and I am sleep deprived. Me: "You could have at least told me goodnight. I told you how much it hurts my feelings and you said you were "extremely sorry" and that "I deserve better" and then not even 24 hrs later you do the same thing.. I am not asking a lot, but obviously it's too much for you to take 30 seconds to send me a text and let me know you care and are thinking about me. I'm not crazy for wanting you to talk to me. You haven't even asked anything about me or how I am for the past 3 days. You were great the first 2-3 days and then something changed. You knew before you left how I just wanted you to talk to me a little bit. Then I told you again yesterday. I am so over it. Just don't bother texting me the rest of the trip. Hope you have fun."
And he hasn't responded and honestly I don't think that he will. Which honestly is fine. When I told him not to text me, I wasn't just baiting him. I would rather him not text me at all than be glued to my phone wondering when he will text me. He has 5 more days left on the trip. And I would be surprised if we talk before he gets home. Again, I know he is busy, I am not expecting him to text me 24/7. We aren't like that anyway. But even the first couple of days, he would text me when he had time (mostly at night) and we would have actual engaging conversations. Something just feels off. If you made it this far, thank you. I just don't know what to do. This isn't the first time I have felt like he doesn't care about me. I know that he does, he is just bad at showing it. I do constantly make excuses for him (i.e. he has ADHD, he doesn't really know how to handle certain social situations, he was single for 5 years before we met so he's just not used to being in a relationship., he's more avoidant about things, ect.) I don't want to make excuses for him, but he is a really good guy otherwise. I love him a lot. What I'm asking for is simple, does he just not care to do it? Or am I just blowing this out of proportion and being crazy? I feel a little crazy for being this upset over him not texting me, is it really that deep? We have talked about getting married and I know that when you get married you have to forgive a lot. Is this just something I need to accept and get over? I am so confused. I've been crying all morning, I don't know what's going to happen when he gets back. I can't tell if I'm being irrational or not.

Welcome to the basic questions and discussions thread! This is a place to ask any questions that you may have -- moronic or otherwise and talk about how your going. Please keep these questions and discussions reasonably on-topic: things noted in the 'what not to post' section of the sidebar will be removed, and the moderation team may issue temporary user bans.Anyone may post a question, and the community as a whole is invited and encouraged to provide an answer. If your question is more specific to you, we recommend providing details. The more we know about your situation, the better answer we will be able to provide. Sometimes questions get submitted late enough in the day that they don't get much traction, so if your question didn't get answered in a previous thread, feel free to post it again.As always, please check the FAQ before posting. The FAQ is considered a comprehensive guide on how to gain lean mass and has more than enough information to get any beginner started today. Ask away!

Link for all the chapters available for free here: Engines of Arachnea on Royal Road
Deep in the groaning halls of sinew and bone he awaited his audience with the god. At a wave of his hand the ribs which held up the ceiling contracted, tendons shifting within the pink walls of the chamber as the jagged, calcareous spurs that composed the doorway sank back into the spongy masses of tissue, revealing a passage curving down and out of sight.
Menash stood before the yawning portal and considered eternity. This was no an idle thought: here in the Dawning Chamber, the concept was very real. His father, Yulan, had stood in this exact spot times beyond count. When he was struck down in his prime by the Night Weaver and her Leaper offspring, torn limb from limb as he fought to defend Chthonis from a raiding party, Menash’s uncle, Aqavarr, had carried his broken remains over that grinning threshold to join the hosts of the dead, never to return.
A hot and heavy exhalation rattled up out of the depths, wafting in the acrid scent of the bonding pools and the wet slithering sound of the rebirthing canals. Menash felt a crackle of static in the corners of his mind before the signal sharpened and he heard It whisper distinctly:
“Enter…”
The familiar dread crept its way up the small of his back, and he gave a little shiver. No matter how many times he had communed with the Vitalus, he’d never been able to shake the feeling of his utter insignificance. But he persevered, walking bravely down the slurping passage, past the rows of broad antechambers lining either side of the hallway. Each one held a slumbering shape immersed in a cryogenic bath, towering hulks of muscle encased in ribbed and riveted plates of chitin. No two were alike in size or physiology, but all seemed to emanate the same primeval aura of dread that tickled Menash’s fight-or-flight-instinct, skewing it very much towards the latter response. These were the Hollowores, soulless avatars of the Vitalus, each one a tool capable of eradicating an entire species. As Menash approached, one of the living weapons stirred to life. A pronged, anvil-shaped head emerged from the bath, umbilical feeder tubes detaching from its armored flanks as the rest of its bulk followed, its mauve exoskeleton as sleek and shiny as amethyst. The Hollowore extended legs as thick as grown pine trees and lifted itself above him, its pairs of crushing pincers dripping amniotic fluids as it herded him towards the central room.
Bundles of white gossamer filaments spread all across the floor, encircling steaming pools of pus and acid. He saw arms and legs, sensory organs and entire exoskeletons being knitted before his very eyes, the amino acid chains being stitched on a layer at a time, the weeping pus evidence of microphages fighting off possible infections as the Vitalus did Its work.
These were the next generation of exomorphs, yet to be assigned to their hosts. It was here that Vitalus constantly improved the only thing that could ensure the continued survival of Menash’s subspecies. Exomorphs were bonded to Gallivants at birth, the organisms supplying their hosts with the means to breathe an atmosphere they was never meant to endure, and the strength to fight in a world that was red in tooth and claw. They were as swift as the summer wind and could multiply their host’s muscular power by up to twelve times their natural output.
But for all their God-given might, Gallivants were still mortal. They could and often did perish in the endless struggle for existence that the Vitalus called the Great Game. But even in death they could still commit their essence to posterity, passing down their defining traits through the malleable genetic code of the gilt helix. It was the Vitalus’ greatest boon; through the gilt helix a single individual could become a progenitor of an entire generation, becoming at one stroke the father of whole nations and peoples.
One day he too would prove worthy of the honor that Yulan had earned with his life. But he was not alone in that ambition. Menash was annoyed to find the crimson-clad Vezda and the cowardly Racek waiting for him inside, standing next to a large ball of filaments that hung from a tonsil-like growth hanging from the walls.
This node pulsed, emitting a small storm of bioelectric activity, networks of fungi conveying commands in the form of oscillating voltages to their communities of symbiotic bacteria, the latter containing greigite mineral crystals aligned in the shape of electromagnetic coils. Other networks hidden in the walls modulated and amplified the signals, and the three Gallivants steeled themselves for the onrushing flood of information as the Vitalus tapped into their minds.
He was a candle before the raging heart of the thunderstorm. For an instant Menash touched a fraction of Its intelligence, the divisions of time and space rolling back as they joined the ocean of shared consciousness, becoming one with the living systems of Arachnea. From the tiniest aeroplankton floating above the waves of the golden coastlines, to the herds of ultrapods munching their way through swathes of trees in the savannahs. Menash felt himself pushing up out of the soil, longing and lusting and reaching for the sunlight with a trillion green fingers uncurling, alive with the furious movement of life.
But what was that flicker of orange to the east? That searing heat, that prickling pain spreading like a cancer down his side?
The Vitalus scooped them up and hurled them headlong into hell itself. A roaring wildfire was sweeping into the heart of the eastern rainforests. Menash tasted ash and ruin, felt pieces of himself wither and burn, his branches tongues of fire, wood cracking from the intense blaze, sap boiling instantaneously upon contact and rupturing, splitting him right down the grain. He fled in terror, running, slithering, digging, swimming, flying away in crazed panic from the walls of red death closing in on him. As his skin flaked off in clumps of charcoal he looked back and saw it towering over the treetops, the epicenter of this howling vortex of destruction: the grey behemoth. Its burnished metal hide gleamed like copper, reflecting the fury of the conflagration burning well into the night.
Menash pulled his mind away before it was lost forever in the storm of electric potentials. He saw Racek and Vezda swaying on their feet, breathing hard and fast.
“Heart of the World,” he managed to gasp, “What is your bidding?”
The Hollowore maneuvered itself until it was facing him directly. Tiny beady eyes fixed him in their blank gaze. The node emitted a blue pulse and the creature shuddered as it received the signal. It opened a maw powerful enough to chew boulders into gravel and rumbled:
“This one is the alpha which survived first contact with anomalous variable. It will tell Us what occurred, and from whence this threat emerged.”
“It came from the karst mountain range, where the yellowjacket Amit live,” Menash replied, “It was destroying the largest mound in that area, massacring its inhabitants. It brought the mountain down on them—we’ve never seen anything like it. Zildiz was the first on the scene. She warned us not to approach, and that it was dangerous, but some of us,” here he cast an angry look at Vezda, “Some of us went ahead and tried to scavenge from the bodies of the dying. Then the behemoth ignited the air and burned scores of us to cinders.”
“Irrational. Why did you do this?”
“W-we thought that you had spawned the grey behemoth,” Menash stammered, embarrassed to say the least, “That it was the newest addition to the Great Game, another species of ultrafauna that would help perfect Arachnea.”
“Not so. It was made by an evil far older than the All-In-One,” replied the Vitalus, “It is called a Divine Engine. In cycles past, this evil sought to undo this world and all that inhabit it. In that, it almost succeeded.”
Menash felt his blood run cold at those words.
“Is it the only one of its kind?” Racek piped up. Menash and Vezda both bristled at his interruption; subordinates were only supposed to speak when spoken to.
“There were several deployed here in Our infancy. We had thought them all destroyed in the War of Creation.”
“Your Munificence,” Racek went on, heedless of the venomous looks he was getting from the other two, “Most of us survived because Zildiz persuaded us to dive into the river. She saved all our lives! But as I washed up on the riverbank, I saw the behemoth casting a seedpod into the skies. I did not see where it landed, but it was travelling in a high arc due east. Is this the behemoth’s method of reproducing? If so, then how many offspring can it generate from this one seed?”
The Vitalus met his questions with a minute of silence. Menash had never known It to take so long to respond to a query, and felt another stab of unease in his gut. Unless he was imagining things, the Vitalus seemed genuinely disturbed by the scenario that Racek has raised, enough to convince Menash that the danger was far from hypothetical.
“That is a distant possibility,” It said somewhat cryptically, “Regardless, We cannot allow the Engine’s continued existence.”
“Then it must be destroyed,” Vezda said, her barbed tail eagerly perking up.
“We are not certain that it can be,” the Vitalus said, and Menash heard Racek audibly gulp at the admission.
“But Your Omniscience, you alone are the arbiter of growth and decay,” Vezda said in disbelief, “Surely you can unmake this monster as well?”
“Perhaps. The Divine Engines were built to withstand the extremes of temperature, gravity, atmospheric pressure, acidity and irradiation found on semi-inhabitable exoplanets. Worlds of bareness and desolation, glassed by thermonuclear bombardment or infested with alien microorganisms. In the wars of Our youth, the Betrayers used tungsten-alloy warheads fired from space platforms to crack their bulkheads. Not even Our vessels, the Hollowores, could damage them in any significant way. We will need time to gather the raw materials and fabricate the weapons needed to end this threat.”
“What must we do?” Menash asked.
“If this variable is not dealt with, it could upset the delicate balance We have sacrificed so much to achieve. Already the wildfire it has caused will release close to 400 million metric tons of carbon dioxide into the atmosphere and destroy 2.3 million acres of forest before Our countermeasures can stop it. Time is our limiting factor. If the Engine cannot be destroyed now, it must be restrained.”
“It hasn’t moved an inch since we last saw it,” Vezda said brightly, “Maybe it has already died?”
“Yes, and maybe your mother was a horka toad,” Racek said snidely. Vezda scowled and took a step towards him, then stopped as she remembered that she trod on hallowed ground.
“Not so. It has merely gone dormant. Having expended its fuel, it is now running on the bare minimum of its reserves. My children, you must ensure that it does not wake again. Establish a quarantine zone around the Engine and let none approach, on pain of death. The Leaper kindreds will secure the ground while the Gallivants patrol the skies.”
Vezda and Menash exchanged troubled looks. Nobody wanted Leapers establishing a foothold in what was essentially a buffer zone between their subspecies. Once allowed to settle in a habitat, it would not take long for them to adapt and become masters of their new territory. Ousting them would become a battle of attrition, and given the lower birthrates of Gallivants, it was not one they could long afford.
“Respectfully, we do not require assistance from our brother kindred,” Menash ventured, “We are more than capable of safeguarding the area ourselves.”
The node throbbed again, the bioelectric flashes taking on an angry purple hue. With a sound like the grinding of a millstone the Hollowore clashed its claws together impatiently. All three of the mortals took a hasty step back.
“The alpha will obey, or another will be found that can,” the Vitalus growled at them, “All subspecies will observe a general truce during this period. This is a temporary addition to the Great Game. Those that serve Us well shall be rewarded. We shall also enlist the aid of your terrestrial cousins, as well as the Cataphract clans to replenish the soil, and lone Saints who shall rove beyond the quarantine zone.”
Menash’s unease deepened. The Vitalus was bringing together four different kindreds, some of which killed each other on sight, in a move that reeked of desperation. The kindreds had worked together before, of course, on complex projects such as altering rainfall patterns and husbanding struggling species, but never so many at once. This was bound to end in bloodshed.
“Those that break the truce shall be chemically neutered, and their gilt helix purged from the existing gene pool,” the Vitalus continued, “You will maintain this quarantine until We have dealt with the Engine.”
“It is understood!” Menash and Vezda said at once.
“But what about Zildiz?” Racek blurted out, again risking his entire lineage by speaking out of turn, “She might still be alive out there!”
“He’s right,” Menash found himself agreeing despite his dislike for Racek, “She’s our alpha, after all. It would be a shame to lose her helix. Do we have your leave to send out a party to recover her?”
The Vitalus pondered the request for a moment, then crushed his hopes when it said:
“Regrettable, the loss of the female. Valuable stock for the breeding program. But it has not responded to Our signals—it is unlikely to have survived. The female Vezda shall take up its duties as alpha.”
“But Your Benevolence—” both men cried out in unison.
“It is decided. She has risked the Great Game, and must abide by its outcome. To speak more on this would risk Our displeasure,” the god warned.
“We can’t spare the manpower anyway,” Vezda pointed out, trying not to look too pleased at Its decision. She darted a quick look at Menash, long enough for him to see the selfish desire festering in her heart. He turned away from her in disgust, baring his blades by the slightest of margins to let her know what he thought of her, then asked the Vitalus:
“But what of the Engine’s seedpod? Should we search for it?”
“Negative!” the Vitalus boomed, its node reinforcing the word with a spike of activity that sent needles of pain spearing into their heads, “We shall complete this task. It is dangerous and can be entrusted to no other.”
The Hollowore angled its massive head towards the cavernous ceiling, armored flaps on its back sliding aside as it unfurled sets of rigid sixty-meter wings. A wide sphincter on the roof gaped open and Menash saw the evening sky awash with the stars in their milky multitudes. The Hollowore took a deep breath through the spiracles lining its thorax and abdomen, pumping air through a pair of hollow tube-like protuberances under either of its wings. Menash and the others quickly scampered to a safe distance. Seconds later there was a scream of chemical combustion and the Hollowore rose into the evening skies, leaving behind a long trail of superheated gases, the backwash almost knocking Menash off his feet. They watched as the Hollowore gained altitude, making straight for the columns of billowing smoke on the horizon, a sweeping shadow blotting out the light of the heavens.
The Vitalus’ mental presence receded with it. When it did not return, they took it to mean that they were dismissed and likewise took flight and headed for Chthonis. They were hardly out of the Dawning Chamber when Vezda seized the scrawny Racek by his wings and anchored her feet right up against his back.
“Funny little man, are you? Crack jokes at my expense again, and I’ll see to it that you’ll never fly again!” she snarled, yanking hard. Racek yelled as his wings threatened to pop out of their sockets.
“Stop!” Menash said, ramming his shoulder into her and knocking the smaller male out of her grip. Vezda rounded on him, blades out and her tail aquiver with rage.
“As for you! No one should speak to the Vitalus like that!” she shrieked, “Much less gainsay It! Are you trying to get us all killed? It is the source and continuance of life itself—”
“But the Vitalus doesn’t always consider the individual scale of things,” Menash reasoned, controlling his rising anger as he tried to defuse the situation, “Its scope of thought is beyond ours. Therefore it is up to us to look after each other. None of us can win the Great Game alone. We need people like Zildiz for the species to prosper.”
“Your logic is flawed,” Vezda spat, “Empathy is a sham devised by the selfish action of the gene, which seeks only to preserve itself. At least I am honest enough to look after my own interests. Your obsession with that whore is misplaced. Heed my words, Menash. What happened today marks a change in the Great Game. Only the ruthless will reap the rewards of this era. Think on that, and act accordingly.”
The female darted off in another direction, leaving the two behind.
“Thanks,” Racek said, rubbing at his sore shoulders, “My, my. She’s really taking her promotion very seriously, isn’t she?”
“This doesn’t make us friends,” Menash said shortly, “We share a common interest, that’s all.”
The two flew together in silence for a time, the dark canopy unrolling below their feet. Racek had always been a bitter rival for Zildiz’s affections. In the mating seasons he and Menash had flown the damsel-dance against each other countless times, racing and dogfighting at top speed through the dense bamboo thickets in an effort to impress her.
But each time she had always chosen Menash. Naturally. He was the stronger, the braver, the son of the Scourge who had slain hundreds on his lightning raids into Leaper territory. Their pairings had been brief and passionate, yet she had always laughed at the end and gone on her merry way, a rose petal borne on a scented breeze, the dalliance as meaningless to her as other concerns like eating or breathing.
But not to him. Right now, all that mattered was her. And Racek was the only one in the whole wide world who knew exactly how he felt. Did that mean he could be trusted? Menash considered the enormity of what he was about to do, and wavered. Then he saw her face in the darkness of his home, the face she wore when they were all alone together, and he took a deep breath before breaking the silence, saying:
“I’ll be in charge of the quarantine. I can arrange for you to disappear for a few days. I can have one of the younglings mimic your magnetosynaptic signal, make it seem like you’re with the rest of us.”
“You’d do that? For me?” Racek said in astonishment.
“Hah. Not for you,” Menash laughed softly. He looked Racek straight in the eyes and continued: “What’ll it be, then?”
If he so much as hesitates, I’ll have to kill him here and now, Menash told himself.
“Why, yes. Yes, of course!” the little brown male said vigorously.
“Good,” Menash sighed with relief, “She’ll be very grateful to whoever brings her home. I’d do it myself, but as an alpha I can’t risk being seen as disobedient.”
“Then why give me this chance? After all that’s passed between us?”
“I should have thought that was obvious,” Menash replied. Racek digested that for a bit, then out of nowhere said:
“If I find her—when I find her—I’ll tell her exactly who it was that sent me.”
“That won’t be necessary.”
“Bah! Just so we’re even, that’s all,” Racek grinned, his mouthparts slanting askew.
“Thanks, I guess. I’d…I’d appreciate that. You do understand what we’re risking here, right?”
“Sure. We’ll be total genetic write-offs if we’re caught. But it’s not like I wanted to see tiny ugly Raceks running around the house anyway. What about you, though? Why are you putting your neck on the chopping block?”
“You know why,” Menash said quietly, his thoughts still lingering on her face.
“Yes,” Racek agreed with a wistful air, “Yes, I suppose I do.”
And the pair spoke no more until they reached Chthonis.
Link for all the chapters available for free here: Engines of Arachnea on Royal Road

hi guys, im about to apply for psychology jan 25 intake, just have some simple questions regarding the whole part time aspect as i do not know anyone else who went or is going for part time university:

1. i work at Bishan area and only end at 6.30. i heard that classes are from 7-10pm and theres no way i can travel there in time by public transport if i have classes at 7pm. should i consider online classes instead? are online classes better than physical? is there a way to pick the timeslots of your classes?
   
2. how does the semesters work here? ive heard people saying theres 3 semesters which does not really make sense to me since im from poly and im used to 2 semesters/year
   
3. would working in a psych clinic help boost my chance in entering even if it is just a clinic assistant? or would that experience not help my chances in admission?
   
4. i only turn 21 in end 2025 - i know theres something about the age requirement of 21 if you do not work in a job relating to the field. if i were to apply for uni would they reject me? will i have to wait till im legally 21?
   
5. what are the chances of me entering based on a 2.28 gpa?
   
6. is there a compulsory interview phase? what is the interview like?
   

some background info about me; i do not work in the psychology field currently, i do admin work in an office and i just graduated poly this month in the technology field.
so sorry this post is so long winded, and thanks in advance for everyone who helped with my questions.

I recently had a baby and my mil surprised with me with her behaviour since I’ve given birth. I don’t know if it’s the hormones or what. I wasn’t close to in laws before baby and I’m only forced to interact because of baby

• She keeps calling baby her baby non stop
• She snatched my baby from me when she was visiting 4 days pp and refused to give him to me for 4 hours while she visited.
• She tries to play mum so bad. She bottle fed my baby while I was in the toilet 4 days pp (my baby is EBF but I bought formula just in case because i was worried my baby isn’t being fed properly. It was only at home for precaution and should not have been given to baby tbh).
• She keeps asking how long I plan on BF, when I’m going to give baby solids because she wants to eagerly feed baby
• She’s asked baby to call her ‎‎Ma because she doesn’t like being called grandma.
• She wants to see the baby every week only because I go to see my mum every week and obviously baby comes with me.
• She kissed my baby the day he was born before I even did and said she doesn’t care if I didn’t want anyone kissing baby
• She posts pics of my baby on her WhatsApp story almost everyday even tho we said we don’t want baby’s pics to be posted
• Also, in laws in general keep making jokes about not listening to my boundaries, for eg, no swearing in front of baby - saying oh we’ll do it when we’re alone with baby then

I get serious anxiety every week because we have to go over to the in laws and know I’m gonna need therapy if I ever wanna have another baby. Am I overreacting and this will get better once hormones calm down?

I know many of you feel the same so I am asking spoons from people who don't have the spoons.
Lately I am waking up with a groundhog feeling and have started negotiating in my mind if it's worth going on. Not because I do not want to live. I desperately do. But because I don't want to live in isolation unable to care for myself and being shamed for it.
I've lost my health, job, career, friends and family, house, ability to have children, 'looks', hard fought for selfesteem, bodily autonomy and some feeling of dignity, and most sense of agency to this disease.
People hardly ever check in with me anymore. It feels...like society is telling me to fuck off and die already. I want to resist. I live in a country where there's no help, no meds for us. So even if I'm severe (I rollercoaster between moderate and severe) no one is coming to do groceries, feed me, even when I need nursing due to my worst symptoms.
Lately all the trolls, the push back, mocking and even physical and mental abuse I have received for being sick, filtering the air and masking, are starting to internalise, trickle inward.
I am looking back on life and sometimes find myself wondering if I have called this upon myself, if I'm just a shite person and thus I'm alone, and will die alone.
If I am able to go outside, or even look outside little things such as birds, other animals, a flower bring me so much joy. That means I'm not clinically depressed. More fighting internalised gaslighting there as you can read.
One thing that keeps me going is the hope to do something good for those worse off than me, to somehow advocate for them. But I don't have the energy or ability now. I don't even have an income now.
How to go on?
It feels like the denialist minimalist ableist vacuum is slowly sucking me in.
The feeling to not be significant even for (now estranged) family and once best friends. It crushes my spirit and breaks my heart.
I know many of you feel this way and have posted about it.
What would help you when you feel like this? Or what has helped you?
Ps I can't even imagine how other people with PAIS, for example ME, have felt and must feel who've been sick and gaslit for so much longer. I'm a newbie compared to their suffering.

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I’m trying to think out what our future long-term deals look like, and I admit I’m not an expert on how the league handles cap space. I know we had one of the best cap situations going into 2024, and still could going into 2025, but with the deals we’re putting through now (and likely will in the next few years) I have a hard time thinking about who we keep and who we cut loose.
For context, I think the “must resign” candidates going through the Sewell/ARSB/Goff contracts are Hutch, LaPorta, Branch, and Gibbs (assuming he holds up, I know the thoughts behind RBs).
Obviously it depends how this coming season goes, but CD3 is starting to look like a rental. We have Amik for a couple years, while CD3 is set to be a free agent, plus we drafted two of the top corners in the draft. It’s hard to imagine we put that much in draft capital into the secondary and sign CD3 to a CB1 contract. I feel like he’s there to provide a veteran presence for a year and move on. I post this and ask because I’m not sure and I’m curious to hear other thoughts.
Then before the new deals this offseason, Decker was our 2nd highest paid player, he’s getting older (but probably has a few years left in the tank) and we just paid Sewell Left Tackle money and traded a 3rd to draft Gio Manu now. I’d love for him to retire a Lion, but it’s hard to imagine us giving him his likely pay bump while still resigning all of our young talent with these other big contracts coming due.
Who do you think we keep or cut?
(Note: I’m a “let Brad cook” guy but I’m not gonna let that stop me from speculating lol)

As you all know, we’ve all been receiving “Reddit Care Resources” messages after making posts on this forum. While I’m touched that someone is out there looking out for my mental health, it was strange to receive such a message because I, like the rest of you, am an incredibly mentally healthy individual.
That said, I think I’ve figured out why we’ve been receiving these messages. I think this could be Drake’s doing. I know it sounds crazy but hear me out. I have evidence:
Evidence 1: Think about the title of this program: “Reddit Care Resources”. 🤔 Hmm… who else cares? Take does. Take Care. The most astute among you will recognize this as the title of Drake’s second studio album. I know this may seem like a little bit of a stretch, but bear with me. I have more evidence.
Evidence 2: Who else would it be??? Honestly, I debated even including the other pieces of evidence because of how compelling this one is. It just makes sense. But I have one more piece of evidence that ties it all together.
Evidence 3: I’m sure you’re all aware of the EbonyPrince2K24 Twitter account by now. I’ve been studying Ebony’s post history extensively. While I was doing my hourly due diligence deep dive into his tweets it hit me… slumber! You see, I was relistening to Drake’s discography at the time and his most recent albums lulled me into a deep slumber. During my nap, EbonyPrince2K24 appeared to me in a dream and revealed to me the truth (after first shouting a string of expletives at me on the steps of the Lincoln memorial which, while uncalled for, says nothing about his credibility). He showed me the security footage which revealed Drake whispering “reddit cares” under his breath and then throwing it back like a Ford F-450 with a loose cargo bed. (I’d tell you the rest of the dream but it won’t make sense to y’all until the rapture happens)
This was all a set-up! Yet another attempt by BBL Drizzy to distract from the fact that he has kids stored deep underground who write his raps. And here we were praising Kendrick for outsmarting Drake, just to find out Drake was playing 4D patty-cake the whole damn time! 😞 I think I speak for everyone here when I say he got our asses good. And unlike last time, we didn’t give up our asses willingly.
But Drake may have actually played himself. Now we know for certain that Drake lurks this subreddit. COME OUT AND SHOW YOURSELF DRAKE!!! I’M NOT AFRAID!!! 🗣️

I am trying to recover from an extremely traumatic break-up that took place 8 months ago and led me straight into therapy and psychiatry with bed-bound TSO for 5 days (5 months ago). I emphasise this to make it clear that this break-up was indeed enormously cruel and destabilising. My therapists both told me that my ex has several narcissist traits even if they can't of course diagnose him, for this reason I am posting here.
These are the things that I've been doing to try to recover (I started doing most of these things three months ago)
-100mg zoloft every day -psychotherapist every week -EMDR therapy every 2 weeks (actually just started this month this one) -psychiatrist once a month (I have a CPTSD diagnosy) -yoga once a week (starting from next week) -gym (weightlifting) 4-5 times a week -drink at least 2l of water a day -have stopped drinking alcohol and smoking -read at least one hour a day, lately only self-help books -I have two to three friends with whom I occasionally meet for a walk in the neighbourhood.
I haven't resumed a real social life and I don't go outside my small town. Before this happened I lived abroad alone in several countries. Now I can not even go outside my small town. Plus I work from home.
Today I am 30 years old.
What else can I do? Please, I would love to hear your suggestions and advices and what did you do to recover from this nightmare! I am trying to do my best but I still feel dead. After narcissist abuse what strategies did you adopt to come out of it? After how long did you recover?
Thank you!

Recently divorced my husband of 20 years. My now ex husband decided during an explosive episode that he “wanted a fucking divorce” (NOT the first time this came up), told me to go see a lawyer after we sat down days later and agreed our marriage was over. With that, he left….
He then changed his mind and came back a few days later, but during his explosive cycle, he said something that completely turned my heart off to him. What was done could not be undone. The love bombing commenced. He became everything I could have wanted and was finally open for therapy. But when I said no and pointed out his love bombing and his cycle of abuse (I caution anyone who decides to tell their abuser that they are abusive. Sometimes less is more). He proceeded to send me emails ranging from mean run on sentences to, “we should talk”, to friendly banter, and then picking at things around the house after he was supposed to have been gone (ie “xyz wasn’t cleaned. Please clean daily”). Yet somehow, likely due to my silence, he has convinced his adult kids that have known me since they were 5 and 7 and his entire family that this is my doing. I have lost most of the people I spent the last 20 years with aside from my family and closest friends because everything revolved around him and his comfort level. Some days it’s hard justifying to myself that I’m not a terrible because of all of the loss, but that was likely his goal. He knew he had conditioned me to blame myself. If he couldn’t have me, he would alienate me from everyone I loved that he could. He manipulated me into giving him back one of our dogs (the love of my life, once in a lifetime kind of dog) that he previously decided he didn’t want by telling me everything was his doing and he isn’t a good person and afterward asking if he could please have her. He was her “person” and I knew she would be happier over all with him but I felt we were on good terms after that and I would be able to see her as he promised. A few weeks later, I was terrible again. He moved her out in December despite him coming back every other week for a day or 2 (to inspect the property and report his findings via email every Monday) and I didn’t get to say goodbye and have not seen her since He went so far as leaving lists laying out about titled “how to deal with a narcissist”.
I deeply miss the non-abusive side of him, but that side became less and less frequent as the years went by. The last year was week after week of explosions. I’m sure it’s because I was “a terrible wife” as he labeled his first wife (who ironically had things to say about me not taking him back). And I’m sure everyone I knew and loved during my marriage now feels the same way based on whatever narrative he has spun. At the end of it all he walked away with a large sum of money despite that I agreed to up charge the house buyout so that I didn’t have to pay him maintenance (I make a good living and he cut his hours to 2-3 days during the divorce which for some reason was OK and put me at risk for having to pay him despite his earning potential being higher than mine )
Despite all of the pain I carry right now. It needed to happen. I am and will continue to be better off.