How long to clean percoset from my urine

This is just a trip report for anyone who wonders what spending a couple of days on Inis Mor is like. To be clear, I'm an able-bodied man who travels solo and would rather hike than ride bikes.
I book a 4PM flight with Aer Arann to the island from Galway, also booking a bus that picks you up from in front of Victoria Hotel, a 5 minute walk from Galway Coach Station. The day was rainy but mostly misty, so when the driver picked us up, he said it wasn't looking good for the flight. In case of cancellation, we would be taken from the Connemara Airport to the ferry port and put on a later ferry for no extra charge. Luckily, 20 minutes after arriving at the tiny airport, the flight was good to go. Me and 5 other passengers were shown a safety video, weighed to determine our spot on the tiny plane and we were off for a 7 minute flight to Inis Mor.
There, a van takes you directly to where you're staying for 7.50 euros. I stayed at Seacrest B&B, with a delightful hostess and an even better breakfast. Lots of travel that day, so I just trudged up to Joe Wally's Pub that was filled with good cheer, good food and good pints.
That night, I emailed Failte Bus Tours for a spot on Gerald's tour the next day. Started that day with a great fry-up breakfast then a trip to Spar to stock up on water and snacks. I have no problem drinking tap water, but I've read online to avoid drinking water from the bathroom, which was my only option in the B&B.
The tour started out badly. Since I was the only one there for the moment, Gerald wanted to wait until the mid-day ferries unloaded so he could recruit more passengers which is how most of these tours start. I waited over an hour so a few more could get in the van, but eventually we were on our way.
The tour ended up being great, Gerald gave his spiel, gave us 2 hours at Dun Aonghasa to hike up to the fort with excellent views of the cliffs and half the island. Nearby, there's a trail to a hidden ruined church with centuries-old carvings. There was even a card commemorating a recent death, so locals still consider this ruin as sacred. The tour also pointed other ruins and stopped at The Seven Churches. The last long stop was at the Wormhole for about 90 minutes, where Gerald pointed us to the trail that eventually led to it. It's pretty meandering but as long as you keep the water to your left, and watch out for the giant deep tidal pools, you'll get there, and it's worth it. Gerald was the perfect combo of informative but unobtrusive, letting us go in our own pace.
Upon return, it was an early dinner at The Bar with excellent seafood chowder and a pint of Guinness. After resting in the B&B, I hiked to the Black Fort, which started south along the main road in front of the B&B. Eventually you turn along paths lined with stone walls until you reach endless fields of flat stones. There are signs that point to the Fort, not to any path, eventually you'll start to hear the thunder of the crashing waves. The Black Fort is dramatically facing the ocean and since this was the evening, there wasn't soul around. If you're solo and that freaks you out, you might want to tell someone your plans.
The next day, after another fine breakfast, it was time to check out. This is my only gripe about this trip: I should've planned better which ferry to take to return to Galway or booked another flight. Instead, I had to spend a few hours before my 3:30 ferry, I ferry I chose because it did a detour along the Cliffs of Moher. I could leave my big bag at the B&B, which meant just leaving it in the common area. It's Inis Mor, nothing will happen to it.
I hiked up to St. Ciaran's Church which afforded excellent views along the way. The way back included walking by a little park by Joe Watty's, a stop at Aran Islands Cafe (excellent scone), walking past the Glamping site...a lot of waiting. The B&B let me hang out in the common area, but they were cleaning the place at the time and I felt intrusive so I only sat around between walks. Eventually, I got my bag and walked to the ferry port. Thirty minutes before departure, you'll see the ferry sitting there with a line already waiting to board. The ferry ride itself was great, some locals were putting the fear of seasickness in me, and while there were a few bumps, most of it was smooth as glass. The view of the Cliffs from the ferry were great and included a nice audio recording explaining what we were seeing.
So a nice couple of days on an amazing island. The weather was as advertised, at times misty, drizzly, some wind and some sun. But it was never miserable, thankfully. Hope this helps anyone thinking of visiting.

Reposting this here on the amazing advice of /relationships mods! Hopefully y'all can give some insight =)
Since my GF monitors my old reddit activity even though I'm banned from using it.
So I am beyond emotion right now so long story short - my girlfriend and I met awkwardly but nothing terrible but when we met, I said I had a crush on a friend.
2 weeks later, my now girlfriend and I meet up as friends, I say how I was wrong about having a crush on the 'friend' and was just messed up in my head.
My girlfriend and i get together and within 3 weeks, she's gone through my facebook, twitter, reddit, instagram, whatsapp on my phone and because I liked a couple of inappropriate sexual jokes and followed a fair amount of women on instagram she just went off.
What followed was 2 years of abuse - verbal, emotional, physical. I ended up putting my head in a urinal because in one arguement, she convinced me I was a pedophile for following a 19 year old actor from a show I loved. I slashed my arm open leaving a big scar which I had to lie to everyone about. I've burst vessels in my eyes from crying so hard and admittedly have gotten a small big physical in defence of myself now. I hit her in the leg when she was kicking me and broke a few things in our home.
She has spent the last 2 months in bed recovering from a very bad illness and in that time, we've gone the longest we ever have without arguing or anything. It's been nice - cut to every fear, insecurity, issue I've had in our relationship which I've never been able to address due to her 'issues' taking priority
I hacked her. A lot. I read and read and read and finally learned how and hacked her, I have found out she actively wanted to fuck her landlord at time of meeting me. Talked about loving her arse being played with after accusing me of being non-consensual with her because I accidentally touched her bumhole once. Told me her body count (25) which I never gave a shit about, was so high due to her having a validation issue due to abuse when a kid - messages all her friends like "Made 24 last night" "Got to 25 last night" "I just love going out and fucking randoms right now". For 3 years has made me to be the creepy guy who wants any girl yet did nothing but talk to her friends about porn, sex, 'lesbian scenes' in films after accusing me of having a lesbian fetish. Being hyper sexual, super-thirsty with people yet has NEVER even made an effort with me. She went into great depth about not being able to satisfy an ex despite how much he did for her.
She has been on top of me once, given me head once, yet these guys she wanted to ride them, make them cum...
I spent these 2 months working on myself and my issues with her while I had some peace and now I just feel physically sick. I love her but the person I'm with isn't her, or at least doesn't feel like it. She didn't change overnight from all of the above to the woke, 'men are pigs who look at any woman', just perfect icon of wholesome innocent woman she portrayed.
Am I with a fake her? The real her she always wanted to be despite her past? Who am I in love with? The person I want her to be and she wants to be? or a lie?
The worst part is - I'd be with either. Her before or her now. But the years of abuse make me sick. I don't know if I can be with either of them after what she put me through. I don't want revenge or anything, I'm not the "well I get to cheat" type guy. I don't know how she can make up for this. If she did everything she did for these other men in the past then it'd feel fake.
Sorry for the wall of text y'all. Overall I just need to hear opinions because I haven't been allowed friends for 2 years so...
*Also since originally posting this on /relationships - I've since discovered the boyfriend that first cheated on her which "caused her crazy insecurity and trust issues" - she fucking cheated on first lmao. With her friend whom she then proceeded to chat with with about her ex...
TL:DR, My girlfriend has abused me physically, verbally, emotionally for 3 years due to accusations of things that, upon hacking her social media, she actually did in our relationship.

Introduction

1)Will this be your first dog? If not, what experience do you have owning/training dogs? * I have had family dogs all my life, but this would be my first one living on my own. I have reasonable experience with training and owning dogs. I also have a pretty good grasp on puppies as my mother has bred dogs (ugh, i know) 2)Do you have a preference for rescuing a dog vs. going through a [reputable breeder]( http://ownresponsibly.blogspot.com/2011/07/identifying-reputable-breeder.html)? * Likely going to adopt from someone who needs to rehome their dog. Alternatively a breeder. There arent really rescues in my country. I would like avoid adopting a puppy, and instead would prefer a 1-2 year old. 3)Describe your ideal dog. * A small/medium dog that is social and cuddly but not overly clingy (basically they just need to listen to the command "go away" soemtimes haha). Not extremely high energy, but still eager to play and maybe come with during runs. A mild temperament and easily trainable would be ideal. Good health condition is very important (a mutt is fine). No vocal breeds as I would live in an apartment. 4)What breeds or types of dogs are you interested in and why? * No particular breed in mind (that is kind of what i need help with lol). I do love setters since one of my family dogs is a Irish settegolden retriever mix and she is pretty much my ideal dog (although she does not do recall well, which is a concern). 5)What sorts of things would you like to train your dog to do? * Basic commands like sit, lie down, go away, etc. Recall would be a huge plus. Would need to be trainable to ignore/be calm around other dogs and stimuli on walks, and be able to walk nicely on a leash. 6) Do you want to compete with your dog in a sport (e.g. agility, obedience, rally) or use your dog for a form of work (e.g. hunting, herding, livestock guarding)? If so, how much experience do you have with this work/sport? * No. **Care Commitments** 7) How long do you want to devote to training, playing with, or otherwise interacting with your dog each day? * I'm away from home a maximum of about 6 hours a day, mostly way less. I'm a student and I spend a lot of time at home studying and doing other things, which means I do have time to be around the dog. 8) How long can you exercise your dog each day, on average? What sorts of exercise are you planning to give your dog regularly and does that include using a dog park? * I plan on doing shorter (~15 min) walks in the morning and at lunch time, and a longer walk in the evening. I would be able to visit a dog park/open area for running (when the dog has learnt recall) about twice a week. I do also run occasionally, and in the fall/spring im happy to take the dog with me. 9)How much regular brushing are you willing to do? Are you open to trimming hair, cleaning ears, or doing other grooming at home? If not, would you be willing to pay a professional to do it regularly? * Im happy to keep up with brushing weekly or so. Im comfortable bathing and trimming nails on my own. Im only interested in dogs with a "normal" coat that does not require frequent grooming visits. Im not willing to pay for the normal grooming fees like brushing, bathing, or trimming. **Personal Preferences** 10)What size dog are you looking for? * medium 15-40 lbs. A small is also acceptable depending on the breed, but i do prefer medium as they seem like the most athletic size and are able to go along on hikes and stuff. 11) How much shedding, barking, and slobber can you handle? * Preferably no barking as id live in an apartment. Shedding is fine as long as its not excessive as i am slightly allergic. No slobber. 12) How important is being able to let your dog off-leash in an unfenced area? * Relatively important. I do want to be able to let it run free for playtime, and hiking in the woods off leash would be great. So a dog with good impulse control that doesnt just run off the second it gets off leash would be great. **Dog Personality and Behavior** 13) Do you want a snuggly dog or one that prefers some personal space? * Somewhere in the middle. I do really enjoy cuddling with a dog and having them sleep in my bed, but i also dont want it to be too in your face. Basically just a dog that says hi then settles down with me instead of constantly seeking attention. 14) Would you prefer a dog that wants to do its own thing or one that’s more eager-to-please? * eager to please 15) How would you prefer your dog to respond to someone knocking on the door or entering your yard? How would you prefer your dog to greet strangers or visitors? * friendly to visitors 16) Are you willing to manage a dog that is aggressive to other dogs? * preferably no aggressive dogs. I would like to be able to safely let the dog be off leash without any fights. I'd rather not take the risk of my dog hurting another dog/person. 17) Are there any other behaviors you can’t deal with or want to avoid? * Poor recall. Also howling/barking when im not home. I would like to trust my dog to be relatively quiet when im not there. Destructive behaviour like chewing up furniture even as an adult would also be a big no. **Lifestyle** 18) How often and how long will the dog be left alone? * up to 6 hours a day. In the future that could be bumped up to 8-9, but I will always be close to home, so a quick walk during lunch would be possible. 19) What are the dog-related preferences of other people in the house and what will be their involvement in caring for the dog? * I live alone 20) Do you have other pets or are you planning on having other pets? What breed or type of animal are they? * Possibly going to get a cat in the future 21) Will the dog be interacting with children regularly? * no 22) Do you rent or plan to rent in the future? If applicable, what breed or weight restrictions are on your current lease? * I will rent a student apartment. There are no limitations on pets and there is no extra fee or cost to having one. 23) What city or country do you live in and are you aware of any laws banning certain breeds? * Sweden, no current breed restrictions but there is talk of banning certain bully breeds unfortunately. 24) What is the average temperature of a typical summer and winter day where you live? * Summer would be ~20 C (70 F), whilst winter averages around -20C (-4F). The hottest it gets is 30C (85), and the coldest is -30C (-22F). **Additional Information and Questions** 25) Please provide any additional information you feel may be relevant. 26) Feel free to ask any questions below. 

Hello all. I (24 F) have never posted on Reddit before but reading these posts is comforting so I figured writing one might help me too. It might even help someone else. To understand this story I have to go back 6 years ago. I was medically discharged from college after attempting to take my own life. It’s not something I talk about very much but I did do several years of therapy. Without getting too in-depth, I had a traumatic childhood and the stress of being at college was too much for me. I gained a significant amount of weight at the end of high school and even more weight my freshman year of college. I had been put on every anti-depressant there was, but never found one that worked for me. My binge-eating was completely out of control, and my low self esteem from the weight gain only fueled my depression. My psychiatrist suggested I start taking adderall. He called it a “radical form of an antidepressant”, as well as a method to control my binge-eating. I was skeptical but willing to try anything. I had lived in a dark hole in my mind for many years now and would try anything to get out. I was started on 30 mg once a day of instant release adderall. It was a god send. I felt in control for the first time in my life. And I was in love with the feeling. I went from laying in my bed all day everyday to hiking for miles and miles. I started going to the gym and it became my sanctuary. And on top of it all, that voice in my head telling me to keep eating was permanently turned off. For 6 months, I was unbelievably happy. I lost 30 pounds. And I felt beautiful for the first time in my life. Everyone was telling me how good I looked and my confidence skyrocketed. I never wanted to lose that feeling. I started noticing that the duration of my adderall “high” was getting shorter and shorter. I began to only take it before I went to the gym, which helped me work out for 3 hours and not feel tired. When I’d get home I’d force myself not to eat even though I was hungry. I was starting to get a tolerance. The euphoric feeling I got when I took my daily dose slowly started to fade away completely. I began taking two 30 mg pills every day; one in the morning to work out and one in the late afternoon to control my hunger. It worked for a while, but man that tolerance catches up quick. Before I knew it was taking three, four pills each day. 120 mg of adderall, and still barely feeling it. Chasing that amazing high I felt years prior. It had taken me a long time to get to this point, but it was taking a toll on me. I started bingeing again despite the medication. And the come down of the adderall was starting to scare me. I would start the day miserable, take a bunch of pills, feeling slightly better for a few hours, and end the day wanting to unalive myself. My breaking point came one day when I felt particularly horrible, spiraling inside my own head down a dark tunnel I could not see out of. I came clean to my boyfriend who I live with that I was misusing my medication and it was going to kill me. I dumped out all of my meds down the toilet and quit cold turkey. I am 13 days clean. Every Reddit post says it takes time to go back to feeling normal, but I was never normal. And my bingeing is more out of control than it ever was. I just binged today again and it feels like I’ll never get over it. The worst part is that I’ve gained all the weight back and I feel disgusting. It’s just not fair. I just want to be normal and not need some pill to not binge. I felt beautiful for the first time in my life. I was healthy. It’s not like I even had abs or became underweight. I looked and felt great. I was eating like a normal person. But I can’t continue living like that and I can’t continue living like this either. I don’t know what to do.

I gave my drummer a kit I found in the trash. They never got very good and that was kind of a struggle boiling over. Well my drummer, I’ll call them L, has been living with their ex partner G for a very long time. They broke up two years ago and I just found out why
Basically L has been stealing money from G. $400 of cash and $1600 through not paying bills. L doesn’t clean, their house is a biohazard. I already knew L stinks to high hell. It’s really bad. Our band has been doing well locally and it feels like things were just getting started for us… but I don’t want to proceed with someone who would steal from us, make our lives a living hell or god forbid strand us on a tour. I’m sick of them asking me for money.
L is a very sweet person to your face and kinda shuts down if anything is brought up. Idk what I need, reassurance, advice, L came up with our band name, me and the singer wrote all the music though and helped them figure out how to play drums to it so musically they’ve added virtually nothing.

Came to rant slightly, but also to celebrate the closing of a chapter.
I made the mistake of signing on to a 1 year lease with someone I had only one, 10 minute FaceTime call with who is 3 years younger than me and had never lived on her own before.
In this FaceTime call she not only blatantly lied to me, she also failed to disclose several serious details.

1. She told me she had a car. Upon her moving in I not only discovered that she didn’t have a car, this girl didn’t even have a license, nor any sort of desire to obtain one.

We moved into a neighborhood that absolutely requires one to have a car to be able to navigate. It’s isolated and anything but walkable. We have a bus stop by our house but she had also never done a long list of basic things, like stepping foot on any form of public transport.

1. She failed to disclose until the lease was signed and we were moved in that she has (self diagnosed) agoraphobia. If you don’t know what that is, it’s basically a crippling fear of everything beyond the front door, where a person is terrified and intensely avoids public places and most people so much they avoid going out all together.
   
2. Neither of those things would’ve mattered to me but she also lied to me about being consistent in working and going to school. She premised us moving in together by telling me she had active hobbies, spent the majority of her time outside of the house working and going to classes. Leading me to believe I was moving in with someone who had a similar lifestyle to me. = alls to say she is a shut in. She’s been employed maybe 5 months of the time we’ve lived together and besides work leaves the house for nothing. Has stopped going to her classes even literally never leaves the house.
   

I quickly discovered that she does not function like a normal person and is a textbook hermit. She’s paranoid of everything, smokes weed every day and is unexposed to basic things in society. Things like calling our maintenance company or having a friendly conversation with our neighbors were out of the question. Her rude, paranoid and closed off conversations with our neighbors caused all of our neighbors to basically hate us.
She didn’t once take initiative in the apartment, I’ve had to explain VERY basic cleaning and maintenance things to her which she received as ludicrous and condescending.
She’s called me bossy and stubborn meanwhile begging me to direct her to basic household duties.
The first few months when I tried to befriend her she shot down every single one of my invitations, attempts to connect or hang out and then later accused ME of lying upon move in when I said I was also hoping to be friends with my roommate. She went months without asking me a single personal question as she used me as her own sounding board to spill her fears/ complaints and paranoia to since the only people she actively speaks to are me and her boyfriend. Then she accused me of being judgemental and critical when I offered her constructive advice on very basic complaints she’d come to me every single day with. She later explained that she wasn’t ever looking for advice but for someone to say boo hoo poor you.
She is a prisoner of her own mind and exploited me as 1/2 of her only inmate visitors.
I’ve sat down for hours, on several occasions trying to help her find / access a therapist some sort of help despite how she treats me and she’s come up with every single excuse in the book as to why she will not pursue therapy (she is studying to become a therapist, yet doesn’t believe it is going to help her situation). I’ve tried to offer her help, guidance and friendship but have been rejected at every turn.
She’s ignored me for weeks at a time despite the two of us sharing apartment together then pointed her finger at ME for not being friendly.
She has walked by me at school WHILE texting me and avoided speaking to me. Almost exclusively texts me from her room while we our both home and my door is wide open.
All I have to say now as I’m moving out and breaking my lease early is I’m so damn excited to leave this person behind. She will learn that others will not be nearly as easy to live with and hopefully she learns the hard way.
None of these things are inherently problematic but if you live with someone else should be disclosed upon move in. She lied so hard, both explicitly and by omission of these critical lifestyle details. I have never cared about how others choose to live their life but when it conflicts with mine in a shared environment, that is when it becomes a problem for me.
I’m so damn excited to live with someone who is friendly, communicative and occasionally leaves their room to engage with the outside world! Including me!

Umm hello, please don't judge me harshly, I'm seeking advice. I am aware I'm fucked up badly. I will not be using real names in this. My cousin (M22) and I (F20) have been through a lot together. From abusive parents to being SA'd by another relative of ours. If my parents were abusing me he'd step in and fight them off or take the punishment with me. Not long he started lashing out at everyone and he became a trouble maker so they shipped him off to a military boot camp, that was the moment I knew I loved him. It was when I thought I'd never see him again. When he left my family used me as their punching bag, mentally and sometimes physically. So without his uplifting words or his distractions I started to find different alternatives to cope with the adjustment of his departure and the cruel things that continued to happen to me. In the span he was gone I tried attempting to off myself 7 times before I just called it quits (because I gaslit myself into him getting out and thinking we would runaway together)and started cutting and burning myself instead. Needless to say when he got out he changed so much. He didn't smile, he didn't look at me, I ran up and hugged him and he didn't react at all. He picked up habits like smoking and drinking. His physical appearance changed. He was stronger, buffer, and he had a sharper jawline. The man was handsome. After a week of him being back home he didn't come to see me and he didn't allow me to see him. If he did he'd be around the cousin he knew hurt me sexually. If he saw me get hit or degraded he wouldn't do anything but stare at them while I stared at him. What hurt most is when my mother made us all go to church and the pastor called me out because I wrote suicide notes to each of them and I had a failed attempt to off myself through her diabetic medication but for some reason I lived again. I remember taking the whole bottle and still waking up the next morning by my mother yelling at me for being depressed and tired. Anyway she took us to church and the pastor read the letters out loud and I was forced to kneel in front of the entire church and beg for an apology. My cousin just stood there staring at me again. He didn't react until my rapist started laughing under his breath so he let out a laugh that didn't sound like his regular laugh. This day I never forgot, the embarrassment the humiliation I felt. So I decided to run away that same day but didn't make it far because I got caught by my cousin, he didn't tell anyone but he made sure to keep a close eye on me. Half my family decided to move to California including his immediate family but he decided to stay I still don't know why. Years later (today's time/2 weeks ago) he confesses to me he is in love with me and he has loved me since we were children. For some stupid reason I believed him because those were words I've wanted to hear all my life. Even from back then he changed, he no longer looked at me, he just laughs or join in with their criticisms or insults. But at least no one hits me now. I decided to give this relationship thing a try and it was great, he even started to stick up for me again a little but he doesn't want to get me in more trouble with us being related and in love with each other. Or so I thought. He has a high sex drive and I thought it was normal because he is a guy and according to my mother men in this family does. The first time we had sex together he was rough, he didn't listen to my request or if I yelled at how painful it was, and I didn't even want to finish due to how much pain he left me in. I'm pretty sure it's my fault because I believed his lies still hold on to who he was before he was forced to leave all those years ago. He also didn't use a condom when I asked him to bring them. We got in a argument after and he said something that I don't believe he would ever do. The argument was because my guy friend from college texted me hey (despite me finding over 5 women in his phone) and I never answered him back because I know this guy friend wanted more than to be friends. So after he threw my clothes at me, called me a whore despite him being my first, and stormed out of my room I followed him to clear up what was going on. The words stung but I brushed them off. He was sitting in the living room and I sat beside him trying to get my point across until he said "We are fucking related, its not like we are in a real relationship anyway." That shut me up completely. My heart hurt and I cried on the spot. So I yelled at him for the first time (I said: What do you call this then, this was your first and last time with me you will never have access to me or my heart again) and he got madder. I have never seen him move so fast it was scary. He got on top of me and pinned my hands above my head and slapped me. The look in his eyes terrified me he said I belonged to him and he didn't need my permission to have his way with me. After he said that he kissed me roughly when I didn't respond to his kiss he bit my lip hard and I screamed in pain while he inserted his tongue in my mouth. The only reason he left me alone was because my phone started ringing and it was my mother who was calling to see if I cleaned her house, after I hung up the phone he started crying and begging for me to forgive him. I did. He still reminds me of who he was until he went to that boot camp. I still see it in him. Now its been a week since this happened and he has went back to his old ways of a high sex drive. He still doesn't like wearing condoms so he doesn't. He doesn't pull out though I tell him to and sex is still painful for me. After sex today he told me that I wanted it. He wanted me to have a baby for him, he wanted to trap me with him. I don't understand. I feel disgusted, used, and heart broken. I watched him get dressed and walk out the door with a smile on his face. I'm afraid if I resist his advances he'll take it without my consent and I'd see him just like every other abuser in my family. I'd rather it this way then seeing him as an evil person. I don't want to see him differently he's the only one I have. Is there any advice you can help me with? I'm almost done with my degree and it's not even in a career I want this is my mothers dream job. But I'm going to use it because I worked for it. At the moment I have no job and I don't think going to the police would help anything. What should I do here?

Hello everyone. My name is Sam my last name isn’t really important..what IS important is my account of everything that has led me to my current situation which will be below in the threads. As I type this I can feel their eyes on me every move i make they follow….let’s begin..
May 1st
I work a pretty simple job I’m a high school janitor I pick up shit I sweep floors and clean the cafeteria after the always messy lunches. At this point I’m finishing up doing just that sweeping up crumbs and stepped on mashed potatoes absolutely destroyed crinkle cut fries the average bs that this job entails
Typically I wait until the students and other staff have left the cafeteria to clean in peace and so I don’t have to hide that I’m wearing earbuds and listening to music today was no different
As I swept up some crumbs from under the cafeteria tables…I saw it.. at the time I couldn’t really register what I had seen but now….now I know what it was before the rest of the events that followed after at least
What stood and the intersection of the hallway and the cafeteria clutching the edge of the connected walls was a small figure cloaked in shadows…no more like made of them…it..it almost seemed see through…that may be why it hadn’t registered in my mind that it was there…regardless of that I still felt as though I was being watched…needless to say I left that hallway to be last on my list to clean for the day.
Even when I did clean it I kept looking over my shoulder expecting something…anything to be there at times it felt like I had just missed my stalker at others it felt as though I’d been looking in the wrong place…nothing else but that sensation of being watched followed me home even on my long drive there nothing no sign of it.
May 4th
By this time I’d registered what I saw three days prior and now it felt as though it had gotten more carefree in letting me see it…I only say letting me because now i know I was never in control of when and how i saw it…this day taught me that lesson
I had finished cleaning early and in doing so I earned myself a break and by break I mean sitting on the toilet in the employee bathroom and smoking while watching tik tok … I’m aware how that sounds but hey when you got em smoke em right?
Anyway….as I sat there taking the occasional hit and making sure to fan the smoke detector so it wouldn’t go off or just entirely holding in each hit I gave a few chuckles at a few videos before I was struck again with the feeling of being watched…now prior to this I had seen it a couple more times
It’d pop up around corners I had yet to reach or just out of my periphery but it always remained either several feet away never much closer….
You can imagine my surprise when i looked up to see one of the ceiling tiles ajar and there it was peeking through it wasn’t until now I noticed it may not have had many features but it’s one indistinguishable one were the grey almost blue eyes it peered at me with….for a moment I was stuck suddenly conscious of my breathing it was a struggle to even it out before i realized it wasn’t EXACTLY fear I was experiencing at that moment…the cold realization that the only time i felt afraid is when my eyes left its gaze the fear spike when i did so….
I was stuck for a moment…my heart pounding like a dum in my ear almost deafening…in one quick burst of self preservation I ran to the door it seemed surprised by my sudden movement I guess I’m not as active as I’d like to think…
It followed me through the ceiling I could hear its apparent claws clack against the ceiling tiles like a dog’s claws on a wooden floor.. that sound followed me through the rest of my day while cleaning…
When it was time to leave and go home I saw no trace of it again…the sense of something watching me however stuck with me throughout the night I kept peering out the window because I felt as though if I didn’t…it might creep in…
To be continued…I have to go

Hello all,
The long (not so short) of it is I have a shared host. There was a wordpress site on it that got infected with malware last August. I then had to pay my host to move me to a VPS + cpanel business + Imunify360 to clean it up. After this was done and the wordpress site was deleted in its entirety and the domain disconnected and dead, it was fine for ~3 months. Moved everything back to the shared host because I run a handful of static pages and one password protected PHP page to search a MySQL database of product info, just cells of text and occasionally an image. A $60/month VPS is overkill and I will never utilize 99% of the features it offers.
Skip ahead to now, it got infected again somehow in February-ish. No web files had been touched since the cleanup in August, it remained as it was post-cleanup yet somehow it happened again and the host isn't sure what the vulnerability is and blamed the non-existent Wordpress site. Now I'm back to square one, back on a VPS paying out the ass for cpanel & imunify for a handful of static web pages and that one protected php page.
My question ultimately is: how can I move back to shared hosting, securely, so I'm not repeating this *again* as (correct me if wrong) paying for an entire VPS, cpanel licenses, and imunify for a couple tiny websites is overkill. My initial thought is remove all PHP from the site containing it so there's no server-side connectivity as that might be a point of entry? I'm not skilled in this area so I'm unsure on what step to take. I'd move to something like github pages but I utilize the shared host for family business email too (whole other headache inducing problem trying to move an existing email to Office 365) so I'm stuck needing some sort of shared host for now.
I sincerely appreciate if you've read all that wall of text and any help that can be offered. I can provide any and all technical details requested.
The current setup is a vps running WHM on AlmaLinux v8.9.0, cPanel 120.0.5

All names have been changed so as to not trace this story back to me.
I (20F) have been in a relationship with a married couple named James (29M) and Jane (22F) for about a year and a half. To be dreadfully honest I went into this relationship thinking I would only be in a relationship with Jane due to my personal preferences and what was happening at the time. James has a lot of red flags, he doesn't do chores even when asked (or he uses weaponized incompetence to get out of it), he's rather set in his ways, he's very reckless financially (leaving a lot to Jane, who is the breadwinner), and he treats their pet cats (William, Prancer, Hayden) poorly to the point I'd call it abuse sometimes.
When the relationship started, I was working as a counter girl, I was 19, and I was in very bad place in my life. I got clean, I figured my shit out, and I moved in with them, our relationship starting soon thereafter. Jane and I, we have amazing chemistry, but James and I basically just have sexual chemistry and some common interests. I've never really been attracted to him physically but I was mostly in it for Jane so I didn't mind his red flags.
Before I got with them, they had been married for a few years and had a child (5M) who is cared for by James' parents full time. They started their relationship when James was 21 and Jane was 16 and he got her pregnant when she was only 17, giving birth when she was 18. James and his friends were never supportive of Jane through the pregnancy and early infancy of the child and even taunted her and pulled pranks to laugh at her. I'm giving this information to share why I don't view James very positively AND I didn't know any of this until I was already in the relationship.
In the beginning of this year, I moved out of their apartment an got a place with an old friend of theirs to set more clear boundaries and give myself more space as I was living in the livingroom of a 1bd apartment. The apartment I now live in is a 2bd (I have my own room now) on the same floor and in the same building as them. My new roommate, Megan (20F), has been very supportive since we've met and has listened to my concerns and has validated my views on James because she actually knew him at the time he was beginning his relationship with Jane and has known them sporadically for much longer than I have.
Shortly after moving out, another girl, Jenny (32F) was also in a bad situation, "broken" as they put it, moved into the space I used to occupy (a couch). I get along with her well enough but I'm not attracted to her either and we have almost no common interests. The age gap bothers me a bit more with her as well. I'm still only in this relationship for Jane. I don't have the capacity to give them all the attention and care I feel is necessary in a relationship and, frankly, I don't feel the urge to give 2 of them any.
Living on my own now, I have 2 jobs (both retail) to support myself and it has been mentally, physically, and socially draining for me. My busy schedule leaves me no time to spend on Jane since she only has 1 (maybe 2) consistent days off a week and my schedule is more random. This makes me feel isolated from her. I also feel as though since I've moved out, James has been much more sexual and controlling towards me which honestly makes me uncomfortable. They also never talked to me about starting a relationship with Jenny, I was kinda just told after the fact and left to cope about it. I didn't want to lose them so I started to be more accepting of Jenny but I'm still unhappy that my opinion was never considered in this since I've been with them for so long.
With all that being said, I've been trying to distance myself from all of them more recently. I still love and adore Jane, their child, and their cats. Even though I think breaking up with all of them would be the easiest route, I still want to have at least some relationship with Jane. James has always said that he can't be friends with exes so I know he won't be receptive to me being friends with Jane at all after. I also know I'm going to run into then constantly since we basically live just a few doors down the hall.
So on to my questions: how does one breakup with 3 other people? Should Jenny even be a part of the conversation? How to I go on to be Jane's friend? How should I a start the conversation? Any advice would help greatly. Sorry for any grammar or format issues.

I won't disclose its actual location, so if that's why you're here, sorry to disappoint. It's not time for that yet. However, I do think it's time to start getting the word out. I've noticed an increase in what I'll call "Antennas" lately, or people who can detect cross-planar phase shifts. Without getting into all the math (some of which I don't even know), this is basically a phenomenon which refers to entropy seeping into our universe from other realms or universes or whatever you want to call it. Simply put, people think our universe is a closed system to entropy, meaning that the disorder of any variable in our universe can only increase or decrease in direct proportion to other variables in that same system (the universe). Under this precept, we can establish rules like the Laws of Thermodynamics, and for most people, they're effective. But not for Antennas.
Put another way, if you throw a bunch of bouncy balls into a box, there are a number of different configurations that the balls could take on, with different speeds and magnitudes. You can calculate all of those if you have the right numbers. Now let's say you throw in another set of balls that you don't consider in your calculations of the initial set. Well, then you're not going to get an accurate picture of what's happening. Most people only see the first set and calculate based on that, but some people can see two, three, four or more sets.
You'll understand the concept better when I tell you the story, but I wanted to give you a primer on an important concept that will help you understand why this place, which I'll call "Area X", exists, and what the goals of the people who work there are.
Also note that I'm going to be using the alias "Trent" moving forward. Please refer to me as such in any direct messages.
***
Eighteen years ago I started working as an independent Home Inspector. I dropped out of community college after my first semester (not because I didn't find some of the subjects interesting, but because deference to a man or woman has never been my style) and started working some odd jobs. I did construction work for a couple years, then plumbing. I even drove a garbage truck for six months. I've always found pleasure in using my hands, and getting dirty was never a problem for me. Still, having a boss really dragged ass, so I spent my free time working on creating my own business. It took a few years and lots of savings, but I finally managed to get basic set of Home Inspection equipment: Tyvek coveralls, a cheap half-face respirator, voltage & AFCI/GFCI testers, CO2 and radon monitors, an IR camera, and telescoping mirrors in addition to the boots, safety glasses, electric gloves, ladder, and toolkits I already had on hand.
My buddy at the time was in the business, but he was moving off to the coast, so he helped me get set up and even introduced me to some of his clients. Of course, by that time I had already gotten my State license, but I still was a bit apprehensive to work with insurance agencies. I thought I could make a living working independently, inspecting for mold or sizing up a house for a prospective buyer. Eventually, though, I realized I should probably take every job available to me.
Easing into the business went about as well as it could have. The clients my friend referred to me were very satisfied with my work, and I was able to retain them. Then, in order to increase my reach, I hired someone on Fiverr to build a website for my company which led to a marked increase in traffic and conversions. About six months through, I began to get on a first-name basis with the boys and girls down down at Allstate and Progressive, and they fed me some of the bigger cases. In fact, I got so booked by year's end that I had to hire someone to help manage my schedule and the Excel spreadsheet with all my finances. I capped off a successful year with a 5-star Google rating and a trip to Ireland to visit some family and friends and get piss drunk. When I got back, it was the grindstone all over again, until the summer when I discovered… well, you'll see.
First off, I want to say that I was never one to believe in the paranormal. I grew up watching the movies and hearing the ghost stories round the campfire like every other kid, but it never struck a chord with me. If I can't touch it or see it or hear it, does it really exist? Probably not. So don't go thinking this was a scared man seeing his own shadow. That being said, I had this sense that something was off about this house when I parked along the curb and looked through a large window, perhaps two times the size of my van, to a dingy, dark foyer.
The entire neighborhood was stacked with upper-middle class domiciles, though it seemed like only two thirds of them were occupied, mostly by professionals who commuted to the City every weekday, and the rest were empty. As a man who understands real estate, to say this was strange would be an understatement. Still, I had no problem appraising the mini-mansion for a couple of newlyweds looking to enter the community. I did some research on the property ahead of time, and it seems that it was owned by a couple of old timers who had gone off the grid some time ago. The water and electric bill were both unpaid dating back to 2004 (it was June of '06 now). The bank had repo'd the house (which only had about 100k left on it) and held it for a year and a half before putting it back on the market. I tried to find out more about the old couple who vanished, but there was nothing in the news.
I stepped out of the van in my coveralls and grabbed my suitcase which had my mask, gloves, and eye protection in it. I liked to do a preliminary survey first, running an eye test on the exterior then interior before bringing out the big guns (that way I could identify the areas where I think there could be problems instead of running a metal detector over the whole damn ocean seaboard). I was about to do just that when the window caught my eye again. It felt uncharacteristic of me to be so occupied with this window, but I detoured to the front porch and peeked inside anyway.
Most of the furniture had already been moved out, meaning all that was left was a single three-seater couch, a couple candlesticks on the fireplace mantle, a pristine chandelier overtop a dining room table, and the kitchenware: an oven, gas stovetop, marble countertops, and an island. I could see into the living room very clearly with the afternoon light, but the dining room was dim enough that there were a few structures I couldn't quite make out in the distance. One of them appeared to be some kind of china cabinet or bookshelf—I figured it was the former considering where it was located. The other shadow looked kind of like a grandfather clock. Or at least that's what I thought until it moved.
When I say it "moved", I don't mean to say that it picked up and walked away. If you're not familiar with the Necker Cube, I suggest you search it up, because that kind of illusion is the best way to describe what I saw. At first I was seeing the grandfather clock in a certain way—pushed into the corner of the room—and the next second my vision "corrected" and it was maybe five feet to the left of its former position. I shook my head and looked again and saw the grandfather clock in its second orientation, standing in the center of the room against the wall. I figured I was just seeing things, but even so I spent a little extra time dawdling around the Egress window, taking notes, and delaying the interior inspection.
When I finally grew a pair and went inside, I walked straight to the dining room. Sure enough, the grandfather clock was stowed away in the corner of the room. I spent a couple minutes watching it with my pencil and travel notebook out. I'm the kind of guy that likes to collect hard data when the chips are down. Unfortunately, the clock apparently already had enough fun and was content with sweating me. Oh, well.
I fitted my pencil behind my ear and pocketed my travel notebook, then flipped the rest of the first floor lights on and completed my prelim. I concluded that everything was pretty standard. If anything, the house was in better shape than I'd expect considering it presumably hasn't been lived in for a couple years. I say "presumably" because one can never count out squatters, even during those times. Mainly I was expecting more dust build up and cobwebs than there were. Perhaps someone from the department had come by recently. It's unlikely, but possible.
I did the same check upstairs and it came back mostly clean. There was a bit of staining near the attic I wanted to check for mold. Based on its color, it was probably just a minor case of Aspergillus, but better safe than sorry. Then I got to the basement, and, well, let's just count out the idea of anyone dropping by. I don't know what I was expecting, but it certainly wasn't what I found.
The first thing that caught my eye was the long, slender body of a birch tree lying pale and dead across a large portion of the even larger unfinished basement's cement flooring. I had to do a double take to make sure I wasn't dreaming, but, yep, there it was. Its crown was sealed up in the wall with only its trunk hanging out, which made me think of those medieval pillory devices which locked up people's heads and arms. Then confetti-scattered around the tree and all over the basement floor was a minefield of broken glass and ceramic tangled up with a set of random objects. And when I say random, I mean random. There was an unfurled Somali flag (the blue one with a single star in the center), some packaged drinks and condiments branded with all sorts of different languages (I could only make out Gaelic and Chinese or Japanese, I couldn't quite tell), a broken dome-shaped security camera, an otoscope (the thing the doc uses to check your ears), Hot Wheels cars (okay that one isn't so strange), and the list goes on.
At that moment, I wasn't freaked out or disgusted. I was more or less just confused. I started walking through the rubble, trying to avoid the sharp fragments but pretty confident that my steel toed boots would crush most the pieces anyway, when I heard a clink just up ahead. I was able to spot the coin in time, just before it jingled to a halt atop an old Life magazine. I picked it up and noted right away its oval shape and bronze color—clearly not American made. I tried reading it, but not only was the language not English, it appeared to be so old that most of the lettering had been filed down. I looked up at the ceiling to see if it dropped from a shelf, but there was nothing that could have been holding the coin. I considered for a moment, looking around at the other junk, and had the crazy idea that maybe all this stuff just appeared here. I popped the coin in my pocket and headed back to the van when I stopped by the tree and realized something. It wasn't a birch tree—it was a palm tree. I just didn't realize because of how ashy and decayed the bark was.
Now at this point you might think I've been acting a little nonchalant for such a strange occurrence, and I don't blame you, but if you're gonna stick around with me that's just something you're gonna have to get used to. I guess I was just born with a screw loose, but I really don't scare easily, and I tend to look at everything pragmatically. If you dig deep enough, you'll always find another plausible explanation. That being said, I do want to get to the part about Area X, so let me give you the rundown on what I learned about this basement.
I ended up trekking back to the van and picking up my gear. I was no longer running the routine inspection, obviously, but I figured I might as well throw 30 thousand dollars of scanning equipment at whatever the fuck anamoly existed in that basement. Most of it came back negative. There was a bit higher-than-usual EM interference as picked up on the voltmeters, but nothing that screamed danger close. Still, it was enough for me to set up my volt testers and IR camera while muddling through the rest of the junk. I won't bore you with another list of items, but I did find one thing of value: a diamond necklace. And not just any diamond necklace, it was one of those Queen-wearing, multi-row, big-jeweled necklaces like out of some Historical Fiction movie from the thirties. I almost didn't pocket it because I'm used to expensive items being owned by someone… someone who might want it back. But I figured if there was ever a place the finder's keeper's rule applied, it was probably in this Quantum graveyard.
7 O'clock rolled around and I hadn't eaten. I'm a pretty bulky guy, carrying my share of both muscle and fat, and most people think that means I need to eat a ton but that's really not the case. Mostly I just get dehydrated easily, especially in the summer. That said, I was bordering on famished territory and considered heading out for a bite when I heard another sound. The first thing I did was check my scanners, and sure enough the voltage needle was fully spun to the right side of the dial. EM interference. Then I went to see what had dropped. I was able to pick the object out pretty quickly since I had spent the last 6 hours staring at the mosaic of a basement floor. It was a silver briefcase, like one of those out of a crime novel, and it was cracked open.
I had this sense then that I was standing at a precipice, and if I opened the briefcase and looked inside, I wouldn't be able to stop whatever would come afterwards. Part of me deep down knew that I was just that type of guy that had to know, and maybe this was my Hamlet moment where it would be a trait gone a step too far. But then again I didn't really believe in any of that sentimental bullshit, so I opened the briefcase.
The gun surprised me a little, but not as much as the piece of paper laid atop a case file reading in large black font, "FIND ME". I expected the envelope to have some missing person file in it, but instead there were all these schematics and blueprints for some kind of device. Whatever it was, it was pretty massive. Some of the lengths were hundreds of meters long. And what's more strange is based on the blueprint's locale, it appeared to be underground. I looked back through the pages a couple times, then checked the note—nothing strange there. The gun appeared to be a simple glock. I was no gun expert, but I had been to the range pretty regularly with my construction buddies, so I got used to the feel of a pistol and rifle and some of the different names; however, I realized pretty quickly it wasn't your standard glock when I couldn't find mag-release. That's when I noticed how light the gun felt. I tried to chamber a round, but again, there was no hammer. What the hell kind of gun was this?
I ended up throwing everything back in the briefcase, including the necklace, coin, and a few Koozies I found that were branded with one of my favorite sports teams (never let an opportunity go to waste). I put up all my shit back in the van and spun over to a local burger joint, got my fill, and went home. I made sure to draft an email to the prospective buyers, telling them the house had several patches of black mold and a bit of a rat problem before drifting off to sleep. Although I really didn't do much of that.
When I woke up, I took a cold shower and downed a can of Reign, then commuted to my gym and got a lift and some sauna time in before making the trip back to the house. I brought some extra supplies with me for some experiments I cooked up while not sleeping the previous night.
First, I had two camcorders set up on a couple tripods in either corner of the basement. I wanted clear footage of these mystery objects spawning in. Then I set up a voltmeter in a similar fashion, but I had a wire extending out of it on a circuit which fed to an alarm that would blare when the reading was over 250 volts. Upstairs, I rearranged some of the furniture so that the small number of tables, chairs, clock, cabinets, and other little pillows or vases I could find were scattered across the living room, dining room, and kitchen. Then I pulled up a lawn chair to the front porch window and waited.
I didn't have to wait long though. In about a minute, I started to notice some of the objects moving. It was strange. When a few of them would shift simultaneously, it was like looking at a holographic card that would change shape depending on where your eyes were in relation to the image. Every time I saw a shift, I felt an awkward feeling in my eyes. They went blurry for a fraction of a second, then there was a twinge of pain, as if my brain couldn't handle the contradictory stimulus. It didn't get more crazy than that though—until the alarm went off.
I had cracked open the small rectangular window in the basement to the side of the house so I would hear it. It took four hours and several strange stares from passersby walking their dogs before it rang, so I was a bit lost in my thoughts, but when I heard the beep I perked up fast. It lasted for maybe 5 seconds total, but what I saw was truly miraculous. The best way I can describe it is a pool of silver or gray or translucent light emerging in the foreground between me and the objects in the different rooms. A series of twisting tentacles sprouted from the gray octopus-like head and spun in a way that reminded me of that little kids ride at the amusement parks. Then the objects started to "heat up" is the way I describe it. Their position became relative, meaning they were here one second, there another, then they popped out of existence entirely. Suddenly the rooms were all empty, then they were full of things I had never seen before. Then five seconds passed and the octopus vanished and it was back to the same old objects in their usual places.
It took a few minutes to process what I saw, and even then I wasn't sure I really saw it. I went inside and looked around at my distribution of the house's furnishings. They were all there, intact. Then I went downstairs to check the cams. I rewinded a couple minutes and played it back, but there was no flying object to be found. Instead, there was some gray static that lasted half a second and then the object, a kid's treasure chest toy, was there on the ground. But you want to know the really strange part? I rewinded the tape again, and when I watched the footage back, the treasure chest was always there.
I later came to understand that these poppings in-and-out of our reality are only conceivable to a conscious mind that can track the interference patterns—not rote computational instruments. In fact, even most people can't do it (although everyone has at least a slight awareness of it, even if only subconsciously). Plus, locations like the basement of this house are very rare and kept under tight lock. That became obvious to me two days later when, after my normal morning routine, I pulled up to a driveway and curbside filled with unmarked government vehicles. Either bravely or stupidly, I pulled up to a few officers (they were wearing suits in 85 degree weather, so I assumed…) who were idling by the large fence of crime scene tape and asked them what the score was.
"There was a crime," said the short man with a unibrow.
"Oh, is that right? Damn shame. Someone break in? I have a niece who lives nearby, so…"
The man looked at his two compatriots, both of whom were wearing sunglasses and a "get this civilian fuck out of here" expressions. "Oh, yeah," he started in a reassuring tone that was so condescending it would have annoyed anyone except me, "we found a body. We think it was a homicide. Best to keep your kids away from here for a while."
I thumbed the stubble on my chin, my other hand outstretched on the wheel, and considered moving on, but my mouth had other ideas. "That right? But uh, isn't this house vacant? I mean, I don't remember no one living in it."
The short man, now tall with temper, said, "Yeah, some squatters. We think there was a dispute over some drug money. Nothing for you to worry about though, we got it under control. Now if you wouldn't mind moving along, we have a lot of work to do."
Oh, I'm sure you do, I thought, but only said, "Of course, sir, sorry for keeping you from your job." Then I rolled up the window and cruised on, keeping my eyes on the house which slowly diminished in the side-view mirror.
Luckily I had been smart enough to break down my camp and lug home all my equipment each night, so I didn't leave anything incriminating. I didn't move the furniture back, so maybe that would come back to haunt me, but considering the kind of shit going down in that house, I didn't think they would notice.
For any of you wondering about the conclusion of the house story, I went back a couple weeks later after the suits had left and the tape was taken down and confirmed that not only was the basement entirely cleaned out, but it was no longer exhibiting any strange properties. I looked for a story related to the house, maybe a made up murder of some kind, but there was nothing. That bastard lied to me and didn't even bother to cover his story up.
Now, in the aftermath of an event such as this, I really only had one of two options. I could forget it, move on, continue living life. The necklace was surely worth a fortune. I could sell it and have enough to retire, or at least hire enough people and expand my business large enough to retire within ten or so years. Or I could take all that money and invest it in my own PI business with only a single objective: finding out what those people knew, and why they were hiding it.
I think you know me well enough by now to guess which line of reasoning appealed more to me.
***
For the sake of brevity, I'm going to omit most of my encounters along the journey to discovering Area X. There's a lot to tell, and if it appeals to you perhaps I'd be willing to share at a later date, but for now I want to get this part of the story, the more proximal part, out in the open.
Three years ago, I discovered the source of what I'll call "The Receiver". This is the device that was schematized in the documents that I found in the briefcase. What it does is a complex answer, and how it does it is pretty much all speculation, but here's what I've been able to find out: this universe we live in is a node in a network of many other spaces. These spaces exist in higher dimensions that we cannot directly perceive, but using a conceivable analogy, just think about a flower with petals. The petals are these other dimensions which bleed into our world, which is at the center. However, it's not that pretty. We see the physical world through the lens of spacetime: sizes, speeds, etc. These other dimensions don't necessarily have space or time. In fact, what actually exists there, I couldn't say. The only data I have on them is from two sources: correspondence information and server data from the secret agency (which I'll call "the Organization") that keeps this under wraps, and first-hand experience with realms from these other entities, either directly (I experience it) or through the eyes of someone else with the same or greater abilities than I possess.
I referred to these people with abilities earlier as "Antennas", and I will continue to use the term. Antennas really come in three flavors, marked by the strength of their ability: weak Antennas, like me, are able to observe spontaneous interactions between our universe and other dimensions (phase shifts) when there is a strong force of collision like existed in the basement; moderate Antennas may see phase shifts occur at any point, and they usually are able to retain memories from across the different transformations; strong Antennas, and I don't know if they exist yet, but they are able to consciously interact with these other realms and cause phase shifts to occur.
I mentioned that moderate Antennas are able to retain memories from before and after a phase shift. Technically, all Antennas have this ability, but it's about degree. I can recall only very specific instances and without much detail. Moderates are usually able to pick out much more nuanced minutiae. At the lower end of moderate scale, most of those details fade or get fuzzy over time, but for the very strong Antennas, they hold onto almost everything. One other property that scales with strength is interaction with other conscious entities. Only a small percentage of moderates are able to do this. What's interesting is that these entities can possess (yes, like ghosts) people who aren't even antennas, but no one is aware of such possession at this deep of a level. I have several companions now, and only two have had interactions with these otherworldly beings. Not all of them are malevolent, some of them are whimsical or kind, but there are a fair share of demons out there.
Getting back to the point, Area X started as a government funded project in the 70's. At that time, they were focused on a few subjects: Artificial Intelligence, DNA sequencing, and psychedelics. Yes, they were part of the infamous LSD experiments. But they looked at these subjects through a common lens—there was something that the burgeoning tech industry, fueled by the advent of a commercial computer market, was missing. As the tech giants rose in the early 2000's and began to collect mass amounts of data, this other agency was decades ahead in a different metric, although it was completely (and still is) hidden from the public. Their efforts to understand psychedelic experiences led to a formalized method of understanding interactions between multiple realities. They built certain scanning equipment to detect anomalies like the one I found in the basement; although their tools were much more sophisticated and didn't utilize voltage readings. Then they ran tests in these areas. One area in particular is a hot-bed of phase shift interactions. That's where Area X is located (and the Receiver).
The Receiver is a giant electromagnetic orb that has trapped the kind of multi-dimensional energy that causes the phase shifts; since the Organization seized control of the lab, it's effectively become a map of the Earth in relation to these other worlds. For the past twenty or so years, the Organization has been studying this map, using the data big Tech companies have collected to essentially develop a Rosetta Stone for interpreting the meaning of the fluctuations in their scanning equipment. Recently, the public, though going the long way round, was actually pretty close to a breakthrough in this same department until recently when ultra-powerful LLMs surfaced, and the whole world began going down what I'd argue is the wrong rabbit hole of language processing. But I digress.
Area X is essentially a private military base built for defending the most impactful piece of technology ever invented. With the Receiver, the Organization now has the power to essentially predict any and all future outcomes, the only thing holding them back is the limitations of their own scanning equipment which will get better with time. To put it into perspective, the Organization has access to a kind of data allocation tool which in one day can produce over ten thousand times that the Big Data companies combined would be able to filter through in the next decade. You might think, then, that the problem is merely asymmetric power, and that is certainly a concern, but it isn't the main concern. The main issue is that this organization is actively recruiting (and kidnapping) Antennas from around the world in an effort to find or make one of them into a strong Antenna. In other words, they want a subject who is able not only to see the future, but to manipulate it at will.
balance to the world. I've been working on amassing resources, capital, and building my own team, and now I'm ready. You might ask why I'm posting this here. Wouldn't it be better to keep all this secret? Well, yes, it would be. But that's the problem. Nothing is secret anymore. They know about me and the others, and if I don't make a move, they will. In a way, this is a letter directly to the organization that I know, and I'm coming.
In a different way, I wanted to release this information to the public. There are lots of people out there waking up and realizing that the world they experience is not the one others experience. If you think you might be an Antenna, don't be afraid—you have a special gift that can be controlled. If you want more details on how to control it, or if you're interested in my mission, don't be afraid to reach out. This hasn't always been my life's work, but it is now.
At least until I die.

I won't disclose its actual location, so if that's why you're here, sorry to disappoint. It's not time for that yet. However, I do think it's time to start getting the word out. I've noticed an increase in what I'll call "Antennas" lately, or people who can detect cross-planar phase shifts. Without getting into all the math (some of which I don't even know), this is basically a phenomenon which refers to entropy seeping into our universe from other realms or universes or whatever you want to call it. Simply put, people think our universe is a closed system to entropy, meaning that the disorder of any variable in our universe can only increase or decrease in direct proportion to other variables in that same system (the universe). Under this precept, we can establish rules like the Laws of Thermodynamics, and for most people, they're effective. But not for Antennas.
Put another way, if you throw a bunch of bouncy balls into a box, there are a number of different configurations that the balls could take on, with different speeds and magnitudes. You can calculate all of those if you have the right numbers. Now let's say you throw in another set of balls that you don't consider in your calculations of the initial set. Well, then you're not going to get an accurate picture of what's happening. Most people only see the first set and calculate based on that, but some people can see two, three, four or more sets.
You'll understand the concept better when I tell you the story, but I wanted to give you a primer on an important concept that will help you understand why this place, which I'll call "Area X", exists, and what the goals of the people who work there are.
Also note that I'm going to be using the alias "Trent" moving forward. Please refer to me as such in any direct messages.
***
Eighteen years ago I started working as an independent Home Inspector. I dropped out of community college after my first semester (not because I didn't find some of the subjects interesting, but because deference to a man or woman has never been my style) and started working some odd jobs. I did construction work for a couple years, then plumbing. I even drove a garbage truck for six months. I've always found pleasure in using my hands, and getting dirty was never a problem for me. Still, having a boss really dragged ass, so I spent my free time working on creating my own business. It took a few years and lots of savings, but I finally managed to get basic set of Home Inspection equipment: Tyvek coveralls, a cheap half-face respirator, voltage & AFCI/GFCI testers, CO2 and radon monitors, an IR camera, and telescoping mirrors in addition to the boots, safety glasses, electric gloves, ladder, and toolkits I already had on hand.
My buddy at the time was in the business, but he was moving off to the coast, so he helped me get set up and even introduced me to some of his clients. Of course, by that time I had already gotten my State license, but I still was a bit apprehensive to work with insurance agencies. I thought I could make a living working independently, inspecting for mold or sizing up a house for a prospective buyer. Eventually, though, I realized I should probably take every job available to me.
Easing into the business went about as well as it could have. The clients my friend referred to me were very satisfied with my work, and I was able to retain them. Then, in order to increase my reach, I hired someone on Fiverr to build a website for my company which led to a marked increase in traffic and conversions. About six months through, I began to get on a first-name basis with the boys and girls down down at Allstate and Progressive, and they fed me some of the bigger cases. In fact, I got so booked by year's end that I had to hire someone to help manage my schedule and the Excel spreadsheet with all my finances. I capped off a successful year with a 5-star Google rating and a trip to Ireland to visit some family and friends and get piss drunk. When I got back, it was the grindstone all over again, until the summer when I discovered… well, you'll see.
First off, I want to say that I was never one to believe in the paranormal. I grew up watching the movies and hearing the ghost stories round the campfire like every other kid, but it never struck a chord with me. If I can't touch it or see it or hear it, does it really exist? Probably not. So don't go thinking this was a scared man seeing his own shadow. That being said, I had this sense that something was off about this house when I parked along the curb and looked through a large window, perhaps two times the size of my van, to a dingy, dark foyer.
The entire neighborhood was stacked with upper-middle class domiciles, though it seemed like only two thirds of them were occupied, mostly by professionals who commuted to the City every weekday, and the rest were empty. As a man who understands real estate, to say this was strange would be an understatement. Still, I had no problem appraising the mini-mansion for a couple of newlyweds looking to enter the community. I did some research on the property ahead of time, and it seems that it was owned by a couple of old timers who had gone off the grid some time ago. The water and electric bill were both unpaid dating back to 2004 (it was June of '06 now). The bank had repo'd the house (which only had about 100k left on it) and held it for a year and a half before putting it back on the market. I tried to find out more about the old couple who vanished, but there was nothing in the news.
I stepped out of the van in my coveralls and grabbed my suitcase which had my mask, gloves, and eye protection in it. I liked to do a preliminary survey first, running an eye test on the exterior then interior before bringing out the big guns (that way I could identify the areas where I think there could be problems instead of running a metal detector over the whole damn ocean seaboard). I was about to do just that when the window caught my eye again. It felt uncharacteristic of me to be so occupied with this window, but I detoured to the front porch and peeked inside anyway.
Most of the furniture had already been moved out, meaning all that was left was a single three-seater couch, a couple candlesticks on the fireplace mantle, a pristine chandelier overtop a dining room table, and the kitchenware: an oven, gas stovetop, marble countertops, and an island. I could see into the living room very clearly with the afternoon light, but the dining room was dim enough that there were a few structures I couldn't quite make out in the distance. One of them appeared to be some kind of china cabinet or bookshelf—I figured it was the former considering where it was located. The other shadow looked kind of like a grandfather clock. Or at least that's what I thought until it moved.
When I say it "moved", I don't mean to say that it picked up and walked away. If you're not familiar with the Necker Cube, I suggest you search it up, because that kind of illusion is the best way to describe what I saw. At first I was seeing the grandfather clock in a certain way—pushed into the corner of the room—and the next second my vision "corrected" and it was maybe five feet to the left of its former position. I shook my head and looked again and saw the grandfather clock in its second orientation, standing in the center of the room against the wall. I figured I was just seeing things, but even so I spent a little extra time dawdling around the Egress window, taking notes, and delaying the interior inspection.
When I finally grew a pair and went inside, I walked straight to the dining room. Sure enough, the grandfather clock was stowed away in the corner of the room. I spent a couple minutes watching it with my pencil and travel notebook out. I'm the kind of guy that likes to collect hard data when the chips are down. Unfortunately, the clock apparently already had enough fun and was content with sweating me. Oh, well.
I fitted my pencil behind my ear and pocketed my travel notebook, then flipped the rest of the first floor lights on and completed my prelim. I concluded that everything was pretty standard. If anything, the house was in better shape than I'd expect considering it presumably hasn't been lived in for a couple years. I say "presumably" because one can never count out squatters, even during those times. Mainly I was expecting more dust build up and cobwebs than there were. Perhaps someone from the department had come by recently. It's unlikely, but possible.
I did the same check upstairs and it came back mostly clean. There was a bit of staining near the attic I wanted to check for mold. Based on its color, it was probably just a minor case of Aspergillus, but better safe than sorry. Then I got to the basement, and, well, let's just count out the idea of anyone dropping by. I don't know what I was expecting, but it certainly wasn't what I found.
The first thing that caught my eye was the long, slender body of a birch tree lying pale and dead across a large portion of the even larger unfinished basement's cement flooring. I had to do a double take to make sure I wasn't dreaming, but, yep, there it was. Its crown was sealed up in the wall with only its trunk hanging out, which made me think of those medieval pillory devices which locked up people's heads and arms. Then confetti-scattered around the tree and all over the basement floor was a minefield of broken glass and ceramic tangled up with a set of random objects. And when I say random, I mean random. There was an unfurled Somali flag (the blue one with a single star in the center), some packaged drinks and condiments branded with all sorts of different languages (I could only make out Gaelic and Chinese or Japanese, I couldn't quite tell), a broken dome-shaped security camera, an otoscope (the thing the doc uses to check your ears), Hot Wheels cars (okay that one isn't so strange), and the list goes on.
At that moment, I wasn't freaked out or disgusted. I was more or less just confused. I started walking through the rubble, trying to avoid the sharp fragments but pretty confident that my steel toed boots would crush most the pieces anyway, when I heard a clink just up ahead. I was able to spot the coin in time, just before it jingled to a halt atop an old Life magazine. I picked it up and noted right away its oval shape and bronze color—clearly not American made. I tried reading it, but not only was the language not English, it appeared to be so old that most of the lettering had been filed down. I looked up at the ceiling to see if it dropped from a shelf, but there was nothing that could have been holding the coin. I considered for a moment, looking around at the other junk, and had the crazy idea that maybe all this stuff just appeared here. I popped the coin in my pocket and headed back to the van when I stopped by the tree and realized something. It wasn't a birch tree—it was a palm tree. I just didn't realize because of how ashy and decayed the bark was.
Now at this point you might think I've been acting a little nonchalant for such a strange occurrence, and I don't blame you, but if you're gonna stick around with me that's just something you're gonna have to get used to. I guess I was just born with a screw loose, but I really don't scare easily, and I tend to look at everything pragmatically. If you dig deep enough, you'll always find another plausible explanation. That being said, I do want to get to the part about Area X, so let me give you the rundown on what I learned about this basement.
I ended up trekking back to the van and picking up my gear. I was no longer running the routine inspection, obviously, but I figured I might as well throw 30 thousand dollars of scanning equipment at whatever the fuck anamoly existed in that basement. Most of it came back negative. There was a bit higher-than-usual EM interference as picked up on the voltmeters, but nothing that screamed danger close. Still, it was enough for me to set up my volt testers and IR camera while muddling through the rest of the junk. I won't bore you with another list of items, but I did find one thing of value: a diamond necklace. And not just any diamond necklace, it was one of those Queen-wearing, multi-row, big-jeweled necklaces like out of some Historical Fiction movie from the thirties. I almost didn't pocket it because I'm used to expensive items being owned by someone… someone who might want it back. But I figured if there was ever a place the finder's keeper's rule applied, it was probably in this Quantum graveyard.
7 O'clock rolled around and I hadn't eaten. I'm a pretty bulky guy, carrying my share of both muscle and fat, and most people think that means I need to eat a ton but that's really not the case. Mostly I just get dehydrated easily, especially in the summer. That said, I was bordering on famished territory and considered heading out for a bite when I heard another sound. The first thing I did was check my scanners, and sure enough the voltage needle was fully spun to the right side of the dial. EM interference. Then I went to see what had dropped. I was able to pick the object out pretty quickly since I had spent the last 6 hours staring at the mosaic of a basement floor. It was a silver briefcase, like one of those out of a crime novel, and it was cracked open.
I had this sense then that I was standing at a precipice, and if I opened the briefcase and looked inside, I wouldn't be able to stop whatever would come afterwards. Part of me deep down knew that I was just that type of guy that had to know, and maybe this was my Hamlet moment where it would be a trait gone a step too far. But then again I didn't really believe in any of that sentimental bullshit, so I opened the briefcase.
The gun surprised me a little, but not as much as the piece of paper laid atop a case file reading in large black font, "FIND ME". I expected the envelope to have some missing person file in it, but instead there were all these schematics and blueprints for some kind of device. Whatever it was, it was pretty massive. Some of the lengths were hundreds of meters long. And what's more strange is based on the blueprint's locale, it appeared to be underground. I looked back through the pages a couple times, then checked the note—nothing strange there. The gun appeared to be a simple glock. I was no gun expert, but I had been to the range pretty regularly with my construction buddies, so I got used to the feel of a pistol and rifle and some of the different names; however, I realized pretty quickly it wasn't your standard glock when I couldn't find mag-release. That's when I noticed how light the gun felt. I tried to chamber a round, but again, there was no hammer. What the hell kind of gun was this?
I ended up throwing everything back in the briefcase, including the necklace, coin, and a few Koozies I found that were branded with one of my favorite sports teams (never let an opportunity go to waste). I put up all my shit back in the van and spun over to a local burger joint, got my fill, and went home. I made sure to draft an email to the prospective buyers, telling them the house had several patches of black mold and a bit of a rat problem before drifting off to sleep. Although I really didn't do much of that.
When I woke up, I took a cold shower and downed a can of Reign, then commuted to my gym and got a lift and some sauna time in before making the trip back to the house. I brought some extra supplies with me for some experiments I cooked up while not sleeping the previous night.
First, I had two camcorders set up on a couple tripods in either corner of the basement. I wanted clear footage of these mystery objects spawning in. Then I set up a voltmeter in a similar fashion, but I had a wire extending out of it on a circuit which fed to an alarm that would blare when the reading was over 250 volts. Upstairs, I rearranged some of the furniture so that the small number of tables, chairs, clock, cabinets, and other little pillows or vases I could find were scattered across the living room, dining room, and kitchen. Then I pulled up a lawn chair to the front porch window and waited.
I didn't have to wait long though. In about a minute, I started to notice some of the objects moving. It was strange. When a few of them would shift simultaneously, it was like looking at a holographic card that would change shape depending on where your eyes were in relation to the image. Every time I saw a shift, I felt an awkward feeling in my eyes. They went blurry for a fraction of a second, then there was a twinge of pain, as if my brain couldn't handle the contradictory stimulus. It didn't get more crazy than that though—until the alarm went off.
I had cracked open the small rectangular window in the basement to the side of the house so I would hear it. It took four hours and several strange stares from passersby walking their dogs before it rang, so I was a bit lost in my thoughts, but when I heard the beep I perked up fast. It lasted for maybe 5 seconds total, but what I saw was truly miraculous. The best way I can describe it is a pool of silver or gray or translucent light emerging in the foreground between me and the objects in the different rooms. A series of twisting tentacles sprouted from the gray octopus-like head and spun in a way that reminded me of that little kids ride at the amusement parks. Then the objects started to "heat up" is the way I describe it. Their position became relative, meaning they were here one second, there another, then they popped out of existence entirely. Suddenly the rooms were all empty, then they were full of things I had never seen before. Then five seconds passed and the octopus vanished and it was back to the same old objects in their usual places.
It took a few minutes to process what I saw, and even then I wasn't sure I really saw it. I went inside and looked around at my distribution of the house's furnishings. They were all there, intact. Then I went downstairs to check the cams. I rewinded a couple minutes and played it back, but there was no flying object to be found. Instead, there was some gray static that lasted half a second and then the object, a kid's treasure chest toy, was there on the ground. But you want to know the really strange part? I rewinded the tape again, and when I watched the footage back, the treasure chest was always there.
I later came to understand that these poppings in-and-out of our reality are only conceivable to a conscious mind that can track the interference patterns—not rote computational instruments. In fact, even most people can't do it (although everyone has at least a slight awareness of it, even if only subconsciously). Plus, locations like the basement of this house are very rare and kept under tight lock. That became obvious to me two days later when, after my normal morning routine, I pulled up to a driveway and curbside filled with unmarked government vehicles. Either bravely or stupidly, I pulled up to a few officers (they were wearing suits in 85 degree weather, so I assumed…) who were idling by the large fence of crime scene tape and asked them what the score was.
"There was a crime," said the short man with a unibrow.
"Oh, is that right? Damn shame. Someone break in? I have a niece who lives nearby, so…"
The man looked at his two compatriots, both of whom were wearing sunglasses and a "get this civilian fuck out of here" expressions. "Oh, yeah," he started in a reassuring tone that was so condescending it would have annoyed anyone except me, "we found a body. We think it was a homicide. Best to keep your kids away from here for a while."
I thumbed the stubble on my chin, my other hand outstretched on the wheel, and considered moving on, but my mouth had other ideas. "That right? But uh, isn't this house vacant? I mean, I don't remember no one living in it."
The short man, now tall with temper, said, "Yeah, some squatters. We think there was a dispute over some drug money. Nothing for you to worry about though, we got it under control. Now if you wouldn't mind moving along, we have a lot of work to do."
Oh, I'm sure you do, I thought, but only said, "Of course, sir, sorry for keeping you from your job." Then I rolled up the window and cruised on, keeping my eyes on the house which slowly diminished in the side-view mirror.
Luckily I had been smart enough to break down my camp and lug home all my equipment each night, so I didn't leave anything incriminating. I didn't move the furniture back, so maybe that would come back to haunt me, but considering the kind of shit going down in that house, I didn't think they would notice.
For any of you wondering about the conclusion of the house story, I went back a couple weeks later after the suits had left and the tape was taken down and confirmed that not only was the basement entirely cleaned out, but it was no longer exhibiting any strange properties. I looked for a story related to the house, maybe a made up murder of some kind, but there was nothing. That bastard lied to me and didn't even bother to cover his story up.
Now, in the aftermath of an event such as this, I really only had one of two options. I could forget it, move on, continue living life. The necklace was surely worth a fortune. I could sell it and have enough to retire, or at least hire enough people and expand my business large enough to retire within ten or so years. Or I could take all that money and invest it in my own PI business with only a single objective: finding out what those people knew, and why they were hiding it.
I think you know me well enough by now to guess which line of reasoning appealed more to me.
***
For the sake of brevity, I'm going to omit most of my encounters along the journey to discovering Area X. There's a lot to tell, and if it appeals to you perhaps I'd be willing to share at a later date, but for now I want to get this part of the story, the more proximal part, out in the open.
Three years ago, I discovered the source of what I'll call "The Receiver". This is the device that was schematized in the documents that I found in the briefcase. What it does is a complex answer, and how it does it is pretty much all speculation, but here's what I've been able to find out: this universe we live in is a node in a network of many other spaces. These spaces exist in higher dimensions that we cannot directly perceive, but using a conceivable analogy, just think about a flower with petals. The petals are these other dimensions which bleed into our world, which is at the center. However, it's not that pretty. We see the physical world through the lens of spacetime: sizes, speeds, etc. These other dimensions don't necessarily have space or time. In fact, what actually exists there, I couldn't say. The only data I have on them is from two sources: correspondence information and server data from the secret agency (which I'll call "the Organization") that keeps this under wraps, and first-hand experience with realms from these other entities, either directly (I experience it) or through the eyes of someone else with the same or greater abilities than I possess.
I referred to these people with abilities earlier as "Antennas", and I will continue to use the term. Antennas really come in three flavors, marked by the strength of their ability: weak Antennas, like me, are able to observe spontaneous interactions between our universe and other dimensions (phase shifts) when there is a strong force of collision like existed in the basement; moderate Antennas may see phase shifts occur at any point, and they usually are able to retain memories from across the different transformations; strong Antennas, and I don't know if they exist yet, but they are able to consciously interact with these other realms and cause phase shifts to occur.
I mentioned that moderate Antennas are able to retain memories from before and after a phase shift. Technically, all Antennas have this ability, but it's about degree. I can recall only very specific instances and without much detail. Moderates are usually able to pick out much more nuanced minutiae. At the lower end of moderate scale, most of those details fade or get fuzzy over time, but for the very strong Antennas, they hold onto almost everything. One other property that scales with strength is interaction with other conscious entities. Only a small percentage of moderates are able to do this. What's interesting is that these entities can possess (yes, like ghosts) people who aren't even antennas, but no one is aware of such possession at this deep of a level. I have several companions now, and only two have had interactions with these otherworldly beings. Not all of them are malevolent, some of them are whimsical or kind, but there are a fair share of demons out there.
Getting back to the point, Area X started as a government funded project in the 70's. At that time, they were focused on a few subjects: Artificial Intelligence, DNA sequencing, and psychedelics. Yes, they were part of the infamous LSD experiments. But they looked at these subjects through a common lens—there was something that the burgeoning tech industry, fueled by the advent of a commercial computer market, was missing. As the tech giants rose in the early 2000's and began to collect mass amounts of data, this other agency was decades ahead in a different metric, although it was completely (and still is) hidden from the public. Their efforts to understand psychedelic experiences led to a formalized method of understanding interactions between multiple realities. They built certain scanning equipment to detect anomalies like the one I found in the basement; although their tools were much more sophisticated and didn't utilize voltage readings. Then they ran tests in these areas. One area in particular is a hot-bed of phase shift interactions. That's where Area X is located (and the Receiver).
The Receiver is a giant electromagnetic orb that has trapped the kind of multi-dimensional energy that causes the phase shifts; since the Organization seized control of the lab, it's effectively become a map of the Earth in relation to these other worlds. For the past twenty or so years, the Organization has been studying this map, using the data big Tech companies have collected to essentially develop a Rosetta Stone for interpreting the meaning of the fluctuations in their scanning equipment. Recently, the public, though going the long way round, was actually pretty close to a breakthrough in this same department until recently when ultra-powerful LLMs surfaced, and the whole world began going down what I'd argue is the wrong rabbit hole of language processing. But I digress.
Area X is essentially a private military base built for defending the most impactful piece of technology ever invented. With the Receiver, the Organization now has the power to essentially predict any and all future outcomes, the only thing holding them back is the limitations of their own scanning equipment which will get better with time. To put it into perspective, the Organization has access to a kind of data allocation tool which in one day can produce over ten thousand times that the Big Data companies combined would be able to filter through in the next decade. You might think, then, that the problem is merely asymmetric power, and that is certainly a concern, but it isn't the main concern. The main issue is that this organization is actively recruiting (and kidnapping) Antennas from around the world in an effort to find or make one of them into a strong Antenna. In other words, they want a subject who is able not only to see the future, but to manipulate it at will.
balance to the world. I've been working on amassing resources, capital, and building my own team, and now I'm ready. You might ask why I'm posting this here. Wouldn't it be better to keep all this secret? Well, yes, it would be. But that's the problem. Nothing is secret anymore. They know about me and the others, and if I don't make a move, they will. In a way, this is a letter directly to the organization that I know, and I'm coming.
In a different way, I wanted to release this information to the public. There are lots of people out there waking up and realizing that the world they experience is not the one others experience. If you think you might be an Antenna, don't be afraid—you have a special gift that can be controlled. If you want more details on how to control it, or if you're interested in my mission, don't be afraid to reach out. This hasn't always been my life's work, but it is now.
At least until I die.

Sorry it's so late this week. I'm an ex Seoul Dynasty player as well and I was a bit too busy so I kind of just listened to all for it and then got way too busy for a few days with work. Here's the loose translations for episode 5 of Overwatch University. Rush had to leave very early on due to Internet issues and Moon who was watching at the time volunteered to help as a lot of the talk was in regards to the Seoul vs Shanghai Rivalry anyways so having both POVs was insightful
Topic 1 Intros and Seoul Dynasty Season 1
Aid: Have you seen Overwatch University given you have been invited by NineK
Tobi: Not really. I've skimmed around and seen pieces of the Crusty interview and Moon interview.
Aid: We're going to go over Tobis lengthy career as we were both pros
NineK: Isn't it kind of disrespectful to Tobi for you to group him up with you?
Aid: I had a lot of talent I just got cursed with a shit Coach like you NineK right Tobi?
Tobi: True
Aid: See two instances of your failures
NineK: What does that make the people who won under me? You two must've been the problem.
Aid: (pulled up Seoul Dynasty s1 roster and Tobi just explains who all of them were) Honestly you guys didn't do amazing right?
Tobi: No we were bad we went 7-3, 7-3, 5-5, and then 3-7. Just mid
NineK: Did you feel in preseason scrims you were in trouble?
Tobi: No I didn't we did very well even in the preseason games we won everything.
Rush: There any problems we didn't know about you can tell us?
Tobi: I can tell all the potential members we could've had though. Carpe, Fury, Gesture, Jjonak
NineK: Wow you started and ended with Seoul now that I think about it.
Aid: So we heard lots of rumors about Seoul but I heard you had unique member rotations where only allowing certain players for certain stages?
Tobi: If I'm clarifying a bit the split rosters was more of a season 2 decision with an A team and B team where eventually the roster mixed together. Biggest issue was the coaches couldn't agree. So sometimes they would just take turns like coach A gets to decide today then coach B gets to decide what to do and then coach c.
NineK: I heard you basically did that with a new coach per stage.
Rush: Who was your head coach?
Tobi: 4 coaches + extras
Aid: How did you decide who played what?
Tobi: Honestly the meta was so hard locked at the time the biggest issue was the coaches disagreed how we should play and it was very confusing how we should do it. We basically went back and forth with a coach of the day deciding what we did.
NineK: Too many games too. That's how Shanghai went 0-40 cause there was way too much. Not to mention no one wanted to scrim them cause it's not like you wanted to be their first victory either.
Tobi: We scrimmed them a bit
NineK: Wow you're nice people.
Tobi: They've invited us over at times and made food for us too.
Rush: Yeah there's pictures of it.
NineK: Cause of the Korean members?
Tobi: No this was way before that
NineK: Wow so kind. Isn't it cause your results weren't good either?
Tobi: Uhhh... Where were you in season 1?
NineK: I came in late. Stage 3. Season 1 was fun though
Aid: Honestly getting dragged back and forth by your coaches must be stressful. As a player there has got to be times when you do something one way and think to yourself why the heck does he want me to do it this way instead
NineK: Also they'd probably never had that many members to work with either since they just added players to Lunatic Hai
Tobi: True. We had 11 starting members and then acquired Gambler when I was having wrist issues. Then we lost another member and went back to 11. I truly believe having 12 members was so pointless
NineK: I agree like it's good if you can make it work but if you don't it just makes people feel awful. I don't know why people insisted so much on large rosters.
Tobi: Lots of people lots of possibilities I guess?
Rush: Also this is when OWL wanted to copy traditional sports so they got a bunch of players on their rosters
Tobi: They did invest more in OWL back then
NineK: They were really the team designed to win everything weren't they?
Rush: I remember an article saying they had an 80% chance of winning
NineK: People don't get how hard this time was cause of the random Mercy meta. Honestly probably wouldn't have been this bad for Seoul if patches came out like they do now
Tobi: Meta was unfavorable sure but we just played poorly to be honest
NineK: Wow so honest very cool
Topic 2: Ryujekong
Aid: Everyone was so confused by Ryujehong on Tank I want to hear what happened
Tobi: Honestly it's been so long I don't remember this time very well. I also wasn't even scrimming or playing at the time because of my wrist. I was basically just going to the doctor. We had kuki who for reasons was having troubles so he stopped playing and then Miro was having a lot of struggles at the time as well with how the meta was playing. It's mostly because of the comms cause obviously Miro had better mechanics Jehong sucks at primaling too but he would take space well and call out commands for the team to help
Aid: How did your scrims go?
Tobi: I don't remember
NineK: He can't help but not remember there were only scrims allowed at the practice facilities at the time and kids that were ill like him straight up just didn't even go. There were set times
Aid: So this isn't Jehongs main position and he was forced to tank must have been hard.
NineK & Rush: Must be
Tobi: It absolutely was. Imagine how sorry he felt to Miro. He was a support replacing Miro. If he fails not only does he get ridiculed for it but people slander Miro for being replaced by a tank of this caliber he felt very burdened feeling sorry that Miro might get insulted more than he did
NineK: I remember at the time a lot of people said Jehong had a bad Zenyatta as well but I thought it was good
Aid: Yeah I don't really see how he was particularly bad
NineK: Honestly the way things were he was probably just getting compared to Jjonak who was a beast at the time. The flame for Jehong was insane at the time
Aid: I remember his team would just hyper pocket Jjonak and have him just frag. NYXL were so defensive and good at pocketing.
NineK: In another way of seeing things that playstyle not being meta anymore might be why NYXL couldn't hack it in finals.
(Watching VOD of Seoul vs London)
NineK: Damn Munchkin fucking sucked at Tracer
Rush: Wait why is Fleta playing Widow?
Tobi: He was really good at Widow
NineK: He was
Rush: Then what is Munchkin good at
NineK: Just Cassidy Soldier. But Widow was so broken back then
Aid: Monkey could never catch her cause of her grapple cooldown
NineK: Nearly all the monkeys sucked at primal dribbling too. If a Mercy pocketed her she never died either. Who was good then again? Carpe...
Tobi: Linkzr Surefour Pine
Aid: Wow such names from my memories
NineK: Gesture Fury were way too good at Monkey D.va. Honestly there's so much shit about London I wanna expose
Aid: Bring Profit
NineK: I'll get Rascal easily. Wow Bdosin looks so young here what the he'll.
Topic 3: End of Season 2 VOD of Jehong Tobi Crying Post Elimination to Spark
Aid: I didn't know this happened at the time but NineK mentioned this happened can you explain?
Tobi: At the time role lock got forced and doomfist hanzo reaper were good. At the time we were kind of really good in scrims but lost to a team in tournament we never lost too in scrims. Jehong was already out there crying and I didn't want to come out and Danny kept forcing me to come out even though I said I didn't want too. But I was afraid the broadcast would get delayed or ruined cause of me so I was forced to.
Ninek: At the time we were preparing for our game up right after them but our GM was so fuxking angry at the time like how could you force them to do this right after they lost he complained a lot to Blizzard. Cause just imagine, thank God you brought out two veterans and media trained players. Imagine if you brought out complete noobies if it was this hard for these 2 veterans imagine what they might let slip on a broadcast when emotions are this high. This is also right after their season ended and they were officially eliminated.
Rush: From Blizzards POV these 2 were icons of the game and they probably felt like they could really show the importance and feelings toward this game to the audience watching
NineK: But like RIGHT after they lost is insane to me. Like let them process instead of fucking ambushing them as they're coming down from the stage.
Rush: But it's important cause this is when they're at the peak of the emotions being felt so I get it.
NineK: There's actually so many players who went down that stage to the hallways down crying
Aid: Of course they work hard and it didn't work.
Tobi: When we scrimmed we only lost to 1 team ever. Shock. We beat Vancouver NYXL Spark everyone else.
NineK: Wow so strong
Tobi: But in the end we just lost to Spark
NineK: I can say this now but we scrimmed Hangzhou a lot at this time. They didn't have a coach we were their coaches. Literally they would scrim us and copy us the next day in games. Since GOATs they basically decided they couldn't beat us so they copied our opening strats positioning skill usage everything. That's why they did decent
Aid: So Seoul lost cause of you
Tobi: We regretted a lot because of some of our microplays. There was a thing when double shield was first happening where Moria sprays her heals on the tanks right? The enemy Sigmas could shoot their shield out behind the Orisa to block the heals. And we thought this was possible but went and said it wasn't going to be a difference maker and ignored it
NineK: Wait we were doing that since day 1 lol
Tobi: We lost to Spark because of that. We felt awful cause this is something we thought could happen but ignored. At the time Marvel was our Sigma and Michelle who was a traditional offtank was forced on Orisa. We had Fissure who was good at Orisa who retired so we had no Orisas.
Aid: Timings always been off for Seoul I guess
NineK: No wonder you felt so many emotions. I was so sad seeing this. Seoul was honestly so good in season 2 but always somehow was just one step short. It hurt my heart to see them.
Aid: Players don't like to cry like that so they have to have been feeling so much to cry like this
Topic 4: Seoul vs Shanghai
Aid: We had Moon and he said some stuff on this we were all in the West and we would just see the results but this May Melee where you were up 3-0 and got reverse swept... your stories about this?
Tobi: We didn't get ahead of ourselves Shanghai was always good at Gibraltr and we thought we would lose this map but win the rest for a 4-1. I'm not sure how we lost Busan though
Tobi: We won a lot with our double shield
Rush: Fearless wasn't supposed to play
Aid: Fearless told me at the time he didn't get to scrim even once and then came in and won everything
NineK: Wow
Aid: Yeah no scrims at all
NineK: Wait Tobi why us Bdosin on Brig and you on Baptiste?
Tobi: I played the Baptiste for Seoul at the time cause Bdosin fucking sucked at Bap. This mother fucker could never use his abilities properly. He must've gotten sick in the head watching Viol2t play or something cause whenever he had cooldowns he would be on some high ground alone shooting and scream "Aghhh" and die off on his own
NineK: I remember now it wasn't super locked who played what because no one had Briggitte experience at the time
Tobi: Also if this happened there would be cases where in double shield mirror your Brig had to swap to Zenyatta but at the time Gesture had too many complaints about coordinating his pulls with Bdosin
NineK: I have no idea how Seoul lost this right now
Tobi: There's no absolutes in Overwatch. But the only thing I remember is our loss in Junkertown
Aid: For Kings Row I remember the Felta carry with Widow this was probably in all of those OWL top 5 highlights. I still can't believe how far Shnghai got in Junkertown though
NineK: Wow even Fearless is playing Orisa here
Tobi: That's why we thought we would win here. It's such a double tank focused map. Fits was randomly flanked high on the left and I td him to get down but he died on our A defense.
NineK: Wow you guys got out ult cycled like crazy
Rush: The Torbjorn choice here leaves a lot to be desired
NineK: I agree
Aid: So then there is that little celebration Shanghai did how did you feel
Tobi: Can I curse?
NineK: Seoul is just so ugh... like back in season 2 they beat New York during GOATs who was supposed to be top 2 but Seould couldn't take those next steps to greatness here as well. There are those super important games that once you win you just go on a roll and Seoul never got to do it
Tobi: I really hated losing to Shanghai cause I could've been on the team.
NineK: Really?
Tobi: Yeah I received offers from them on 3 separate occasions but ended up choosing Seoul. I wanted to believe I made the right choice so I wanted to win
Topic 5: Tobi Happy. Season 3
Aid: There's this gif of you happy after a win
NineK: It's so funny you took your glasses off before cheering
Tobi: At the time we lost to Shanghai so often but then finally beat them
NineK: The thing is Seoul was lucky cause they actually shouldn't have been in the season 3 finals originally.
Rush: Washington was the biggest offender
NineK: Off memory it felt like a "everyone suffered because of COVID so everyone gets a chance" thing
Tobi: But the thing to note is we did well in the West before we were forced to go to Korea and beat Glads and Valiant. We won like all of our scrims at the time.
NineK: Fine I'll give you that
Rush: Seoul was honestly really good during the online era
Aid: What did you think of the Hog meta?
Tobi: I was a huge doubter. Like at the time it was Zarya Hog or Sigma Hog. It just had none of the fundamentals of Overwatch I was used to seeing. I just couldn't believe it.
NineK: Tobis a purist "where do you come from thinking Hog could ever be a main tank"
Tobi: His ability to take space was unreal at the time. But Gesture was really into it and Wizardhyeong pushed for it
Aid: Gesture was a really good Hog though
NineK: All the guys there had good Hogs. Gesture Super Smurf Fearless were all good at it
Rush: But Shanghai didn't play it
NineK: I don't know Shanghais reasoning but I know Shock played how they did cause Viol2t fucking sucked at Ana lol. The thing is he did win with it but his scrim results as Ana was terrible
Rush: Viol2t Ana is known in the community as weaker though
NineK: But he doesn't think so
Tobi: I heard it got to the point where Crusty said he would do better if he played than Viol2t
NineK: That's why Architect played it for a bit. They had Twilight but I have no idea why they didn't use him more. I don't know how much I should say when there's no Shock rep from the time here but as far as I Know Super wasn't supposed to play. Smurf was but he didn't fit with his playstyle and the team well enough at the time
Tobi: If I have to point out regrets in the Shock game it was not using Zenyatta on Busan
NineK: But shouldn't you playing something other than the Ashe?
Tobi: No this was when Ashe was super broken and Profit was really good at her
Aid: The more I see it the more I really feel regrets about Seouls performances
NineK: That's what I've been saying Seoul was almost never bad and had huge upside a lot for different points in time. Honestly they're Asia's Philly Fusion
Tobi: You know how it is NineK if one thing changed with your Hotba strategy or Rascal not waking the monkey
NineK: I had a team with Tobi and Carpe and caught the 2nd place curse
Tobi: Woah why are you blaming me I've won plenty.
NineK: I did too before meeting you guys
Tobi: Then it's Carpes fault
NineK: I guess it is lol
Aid: At this point we need to have Carpe on to defend himself
NineK: We're going to go watch his games this Saturday
Tobi: The Hollwood bug pissed me off too
(Vod review where Tobi popped Valkyrie in spawn and the D.va bomb from Choi killed Tobi in the respawn room) this and Viol2t living at 1 health
Aid: Wow you guys are just destined to not win that day
Tobi: It was everything against us honestly
NineK: Honestly in the regular Hog comps Seoul and Dhock were about even but Seoul couldn't beat Shocks Hog and Ball Comp
Tobi: I actually wanted to go Numbani here instead of Hollywood
NineK: I remember at this time Choihyobin was getting gapped by Hanbin a bit and all of us joked his time was over and Hanbin would replace him as the new offtank goat
NineK: I remember at this time Shock felt Bdosin was scarier. They took more maps with him. Even though they defended better with Creative
Tobi: I think at the time he wasn't getting too much scrim time so he just said to let Creative play
Topic 6 Coach Tobi
Aid: You came back after being a player for Fusion to being Head Coach of Seoul Dynasty how was that for you?
Tobi: I kind of just stopped feeling the desire to compete like "I definitely can still compete mechanically but guess it might just not work out from here"
Tobi: Was worried that newer players he hadn't yet played with wouldn't follow his leadership well
Aid: So who was the player who least listened to you
Tobi: Everyone below me followed very well
Aid: So did you work well with the other coaches given it was mentioned there were previously conflicting visions?
Tobi: Oh these people were later coaches and we had very good talks together and worked well together
NineK: Since we wanna wait for our other guest when we talk about the next topic let's move on and talk about our time together in Fusion
Tobi: There were a lot of regrets weren't there?
NineK: The biggest problem for me was I didn't know we would be playing in Korea when I made the roster and heard it from someone from another team.
NineK: I felt sorry to Carpe for that. He's like Seoul where certain key moments not working out it feels like de-railed everything for him.
Aid: What did you think when you joined and first got to know NineK?
Tobi: When I joined I did so because I heard so much good stuff about him. Like he just knows a lot about Overwatch so I was curious about him and learned a lot. There's Crusty NineK Moon and Rush that are the coaches that are very well talked about that I was curious about. I got to meet NineK and Wow I'd never believed someone could get so angry over this game he would slam on the desk yelling while coaching. But the thing was while doing that he would always be right about what he's saying
Topic 7: Moon Joins
(Moon joins the podcast because Rush was lagging out)
NineK: So is it true you sent offers to Tobi
Moon: I guess I should say hi first. My name is Coach Moon who tried to get Tobi every year but failed.
NineK: I tried that with Fury
Aid: Is one of the reasons you wanted to beat Seoul no matter what because you didn't get to recruit Tobi?
Moon: No actually around that time I got in a lot of trouble with my wife. She said I talked to Tobi more than her. This was before we signed LeeJaeGon
Tobi: In 2020 season Shanghai actually had a lot of players I wanted to play with. Fleta Lip and such. As well as just giving a better offer out right.
NineK: Void too.
Tobi: Yeah always keeps contact with him too. But I really wanted to run it back with Ryujehong one last time because of the regrets of our last 2 seasons together to redeem ourselves. But he ended up choosing Vancouver and as I ended up wanting to go to Shanghai instead, they ended up already getting LeeJaeGon instead
Aid: Man the timing has just never worked out for Tobi
NineK: When he was on Fusion with me he used to always joke "damn if I was on Shanghai at least I could've been winning while benched"
Moon: So at the time LeeJaeGon and Tobi were my first choices but LJG told me he didn't want to join because he wanted to go to Mayhem with other Runaway members and then Tobi was looking at Seoul so I almost ended up with no one. But eventually LeeJaeGon chose us and tobi reached out the day after that.
NineK: So you regret not getting Tobi?
Moon: I mean you can't argue this given our results...
Tobi: They did so well
NineK: Tobi would've made the team fun for you though. That season was really bad for us but we had a lot of fun
Topic 8: Seoul vs Shanghai KickOff Clash
Aid: It looked like Seoul was happier beating Shanghai in winners finals than beating Philly in finals
Moon: The thing was the situation was so terrible for us at this time. We were quarantined with nothing.
Tobi: This team was the one we wanted to beat more than anyone else. It's why Profit was crying at the end of it all.
Moon: I will say their strats against us were very good they deserved the win regardless of what circumstances we had
Tobi: This gave me PTSD cause there was a moment when we were reverse swept in May Melee where Bdosin got pulsed with Rally. I told Vindsim no matter what to hold your shield up when he has it and in this one moment in the VOD he got stuck by fleta but thankfully Profit clutched
NineK: I will say when we got to the Hawaii LAN Shock picked you guys at Shanghai and I'll just say I didn't want to pick you.
Aid: Ahh it was the eternal rivals (implying Crusty chose Shanghai for revenge)
Moon: This time was really tough for us and we had a bunch of retirements after this. I think we thought more about what we would get to eat the next day or when we would be able to go to a Koreatown for the food we missed
NineK: It was so long
Moon: Honestly it was the hardest times for us.
NineK: It was really tough for us as well lockdown was so long.
Moon: I honestly don't want to hear lockdown complaints from anyone around me. If we were offline and I told you our horror stories everyone here would cry.
NineK: I mean everyone suffered but this sounds like military stories lol. Like everyone thinks they had it the hardest. Anyways Tobi tell us how you did things that led to that win.
Tobi: So you know there are things a lot of us say behind the scenes about coaches right? Like this guy is more of just a caretaker or this guy is more just strategies but I really wanted to be the coach who wouldn't have players feel bad I was their Coach. It's why I asked for a lot of help from previous coaches I worked under. I wanted all of my least favorite aspects of coaches I've seen in the past to not be things my players go through I let them all speak casually to me so they wouldn't be uncomfortable with me
NineK: Moon has the opposite take. He said his players can never act chummy with him and will always refer to him as coach
Tobi: My feelings were that I had previously worked with a lot of these players in the past so it feels okay
(VOD shows Seoul winning Kick off Clash 4-0 over Philly Fusion
NineK: Oh Carpes expression came out (literally half covered in shadows)
Aid: I didn't want to become a useless coach. Every explayer wants to be the opposite of the coaches they hated
Tobi: When I first won I was so happy to finally get a star under the Seoul Dynasty banner for Gen G.
NineK: I thought at the time though "all that for a stage win?"
Aid: We were like Wow they really are happy for a stage win
Moon: Well it was their first win of course they're happy and they beat us to do it
NineK: As coaches we can tell whether they just got lucky or actually were prepared. Poor Carpe though
Topic 9: Q & A
Aid: If you became a coach again and had to form a team which players would you want?
Moon: Wait but isn't the answer for those year very obvious?
Tobi: Yeah just erase Moons name and put me in
NineK: Then mix and match a bit
Tobi: Smurf Stalk3r Lip Chorong seems very good and then Shu
NineK: That's basically Crazy Raccoons. I'll just say this is cause he doesn't watch it
Tobi: I watched all the big games actuall
Moon: If he was really keeping up with the scene wouldn't he have picked Donghak?
Aid: If Gen G or T1 asked you to coach or team up with Ryujehong again for OWCS?
Tobi: I already got an offer to play with them and said no
Aid: Oh really why?
Tobi: Cause I knew what would happen lol. The kids nowadays level of play is so high
NineK: Just for fun I guess
Tobi: Well yeah if I streamed it and stuff sure but the team even with me or without wouldn't have done well
Moon: Honestly the player gap between the experienced old guard and the new is high right now but you'd hope it would get closer by next year
NineK: More than player gaps I'd rather be worried about the coaching level. It's really just Moon Crusty Rush again. Tobi isn't coaching anymore either... so tobi this is to say coach again please.
Tobi: I did get an offer but the timing didn't work out.
Aid: Always the timing
Tobi: Before Falcons formed I think it could've worked but Smurf was gone and all the teams were formed and then I got the call and was a decent offer. But the timing was bad.
Moon: Where the players weren't available anymore. But just swipe them from their teams
Tobi: But I didn't wanna steal players with offers of contracts
Moon: Why not?
NineK: The difference between a dirty person and clean person
Moon: But the thing is they don't have contracts
NineK: Yeah wait they definitely would want money
Moon: That's my point he could've offered stability to more players in the scene
NineK: Then you are at fault Tobi
Tobi: There was a condition though. The org really wanted to win and asked if I could form a team to win.
Moon: Oh that would be hard (smiling in Crazy Raccoons)
NineK & Aid: (dies of laughter at the humble brag)
Moon: I did work really hard to swipe the good players.
NineK: Was it a foreign org?
Tobi: Yeah it was
Moon: I wish more teams came into the space
NineK: If tobi even at least coached Genesis they would've been better
Tobi: I did get that offer but said no
NineK: Didn't want to work for bottom feeder teams?
Tobi: Well I wasn't close with any of the players either
NineK: You shouldve just gone to orga offering up super teams and swiped like Moon did.
Moon: I just had a skeleton crew formed and did mine
NineK: Whatever it was it's just kind of sad Tobi isn't coaching actively right now is all
NineK: I like this question. If Coach Tobi could speak to player Tobi of the past what would you say to them?
Tobi: Probably to be sure of yourself and confident in your play and your decision. I used to basically fly to whoever screamed for help no matter who was in a bad position trying to help. I definitely learned afterwards and worked really hard to improve my Mercy
NineK: I remember at that time Yobi worked really hard to improve his Mercy and it was really good I agree. It's sad to hear given how things went for Seoul but it is a cool answer
Aid: ProFits from friend POV to players POV
Tobi: Profit whether as a friend or player was a great and reliable friend. Fits was the hassle
Aid: How so?
Tobi: Never listening always whining just a big baby. Cute little brother while Profit was a reliable friend
(Just chatting while looking for interesting questions)
Moon: I'm saying this now but Shanghai starting at 0-40 we worked so hard to hit that 40-40 and it took so long. We won so much and still took a while
NineK: A fun thing to ask whenever we have an ex-player is have they ever felt like watching a scrim they would do better?
Tobi: I have scrimmed actually. Vindaim was ill and in the hospital so I played. We won.
Ninek: You say yes to this question if you win the scrims if you lost you would say it didn't happen
Tobi: True
Tobi: Here's one about Seoul I like. Why did you when you had LeeSooMin and Krillin make Krillin a main support? The answer is Krillin said during Washington he got to try a bunch of heroes and LeeSooMin was pretty decent at Kirik at the time. I had worked one year with Vindaim and it was good for us so I hoped for the same to happen. The initial meta was good for us too until we hit the Sombra meta
NineK: I think the only ones happy to hit the Sombra meta was Atlanta
Moon: (struggling to find a good question when smurf comments in chat) Yo Smurf don't you need to go practice right now?
Moon: Sorry that was a joke
NineK: Oh I like that one
Tobi: So there's a question about our 2023 roster and I wanted to talk about it. Right after 2022 going into 2023 was to keep Smurf Profit then get Lip who was receiving some offers at the time keep Vindaim and get Twilight. This would've been my personal choice if I had the money to form my team but everyone ran out of money. I even had back ups for everyone but like Bernar planned but everything fell through
Moon: Do you regret picking up Void?
Tobi: No I don't
NineK: What about losing to former players of yours and stuff?
Moon: Want me to call Void and ask him what it felt like losing to the Fleta Tank?
NineK: Oh my god that sounds so good
Tobi: I think he's working right now
Moon: Oh that's right he would be working right now
NineK: Man I'm so curious. I hate losing to my former players
NineK: Wanted to know if back in OW1 you had a team fully built around you who would it be and would you win?
Tobi: Honestly looking at my history I'm kind of bad at forming teams lol. Honestly I could've been on NYXL in season 1 as well.
NineK: Wow.
Moon: I can say one thing. I've literally walked to his house before. He thought a lot about it. Like I didn't think it should be this hard a decision when I was so convincing.
Tobi: I just really wanted to run it back with Jehong one last time and Fearless wasn't in the planned roster at the time either.
Moon: True it was very early on in the team formation
Tobi: Yeah it's regrettable isn't it?
NineK: Tobi does make bad choices that's why he joined Fusion under me
Tobi: Timing worked for that time period though
NineK: Alright back to the question make your super team only caveat is you can't change them and have to run them seasons 1 through 6
Tobi: To be happily teamed with them Carpe Profit Gesture Fury...
NineK: Wait a second Ryujehong isn't being brought up
Tobi: We are excluding him from this but honestly there's way too many good flex supports so I don't know. Shu was really good but Viol2t is also nah just Shu.
NineK: Shu is fun and good.
Tobi: He's good at like everything. Even since season 2 when I'd play Mercy he would shoot me so much more than everyone else as Ana
NineK: When you went game 5 against MightyAOD any players that stood out to you?
Tobi: Did we go game 5 against MightyAOD? I genuinely can't remember the Lunatic Hai games that well outside of just like finals games anymore. I'm sorry but it's been years.
Moon: Ooh how did you feel about Prophet being on your team and then once he was dropped and went to 02Blast losing to him?
Tobi: He was good but the thing is whatever we put him on just didn't fit with how the team played and the Sombra meta was at its peak as well. We were tired and he was tired cause it just wasn't the best fit for either of us. I wanted him to keep doing well so I could be confident it was just a mismatch and that my scouting ability was still good. But then the meta swapped to like Widow Hanzo.
Moon: Oh wait so once again it's a choice Tobi made he regrets...
Tobi: Well no technically in the last game versus them we did win to be fair. Honestly though when he did win damn I felt low key a little bit upset/betrayed
NineK: Did you see him do the X on the Dynasty symbol spray?
Tobi: I didn't mind that all the players do that
NineK: Hears something funny for Moon to answer. " I heard Lip purposefully made sure not to wear the Fusion skins for Asia Finals is it true"
Moon: I specifically checked his PC to make sure he wasn't wearing it "Are you wearing a Fusion skin or not? Yes or no."
NineK: Wow you check their PCs?
Moon: Yeah I made sure none of them wore Fusion skins for Asia Finals
Tobi: Carpe might need to come on here at this point
Moon: I don't believe in jinxes like this but my players do so I did it just so they don't have to think for a second there is some Fusion curse that will make them lose
Tobi: Like you don't want unnecessary factors creeping into their minds
Moon: Exactly
NineK: Did you have any of those jinxes or lucky charms as a player?
Tobi: During Lunatic Hai I would on game days only eat noodle dishes and then we would win. I'd wear the same pair of socks for all the big games as well. But then I went to the League and kept losing and none of that stuff applied anymore
Moon: Yeah I don't believe in it as a supernatural force but whatever makes people more confident the better
(Randomly scrolling for questions)
Moon: I really did wanna try coaching Dynasty once.
Tobi: Why?
Moon: You know as a Korean it was kind of sad seeing the Korean team under perform I wanted to go there after my contract with Shanghai ended and try to get them a big win
Tobi: I see
Moon: Now that I'm thinking about it I never got an offer from Seoul ever
NineK: Really? I think I got an offer from Seoul basically every year since 2019
Moon: Oh one thing I really wanted to ask was how you beat the Infernal (Dynasty vs Infernal early 2023 when Infernal scrimbux was way better than everyone else)
Tobi: Oh that? They just played poorly.
Moon: I was so curious cause they were supposed to be so good
Tobi: Yeah they must have been nervous or something we didn't win cause we were better they were just worse that day.
NineK: When Tobi first joined Fusion he actually beat Dynasty and was so happy about it. He was such a good player to have he was on the bench for quite a while initially but kept his mental up and was a very good teammate for us.
Final Words
Tobi: I'm not actually retired from coaching. I still keep up with the League and love the game. I hope Overwatch keeps growing and I want everyone to know I'm not gone just yet. If there's a chance I'm ready whenever
NineK: Honestly I will say a lot of Overwatch kids have this issue not just Tobi where they hope opportunity will fall on their laps.
Tobi: I'll agree. It was my first time doing this stuff and I had no idea what the scene was going to be like.
Moon: I was very proactive and quick about it for sure
NineK: Do you have any team you'd like to join? Quickly before we end the podcast appeal to Moon for a job
Tobi: Well if you just give me the call I'm ready
Moon: Well one thing I will note when Tobi was talking about coaches he asked for advice on being a coach he didn't contact me at all? Even though we talked for hours?
Tobi: I only contacted the people I actually worked under. I didn't want to bother everyone with my questions. It's not like I could expect other coaches that don't know me as well would divulge their secrets
Moon: I would've. I think it would have been very cool if you asked for my help
Tobi: Well to be fair before you joined I did say Crusty NineK Moon and Rush were the coaches I really wanted to try working with
NineK: It's not too late Tobi he's here now
Aid: Anyways final thoughts from you Tobi?
Tobi: It's been a while since I got to see fans of Overwatch and sit down with fellow coaches. I hope you all keep supporting Overwatch University and myself in the future.
NineK and Aid: Thank you to Moon as well for helping us last minute.
Moon: It's no problem I saw Tobis face and wanted to join right away.

I'm really sorry this is so long, but I'm at my wits end. I don't know if this really fits under Mental Health/Support, but I (33F) haven't spoken to my brother (25m) in three years and it's killing me inside.
Context - our mother is retired after having a stroke and our father passed away when we were kids so our family unit is just the three of us. We stay in touch with our mom's side of the family, but really haven't seen any of my dad's relatives since his funeral in 2006. Previously the three of us were all very close and would get together multiple times a year to see each other. Then three years ago, it came to our attention that my dad's youngest brother (mid 60s) was being neglected by his kids. My uncle suffered from louie body dementia, and after his wife passed in 2020 he'd been largely left to fend for himself. Even though he couldn't drive, clean, or cook for himself anymore, and could have violent outbursts.
Now as sad as that is, this side of the family basically treated us as strangers since my dad passed (and we weren't close with them before Dad died either). I felt it was the responsibility of his kids, and if not his kids, his siblings (1 brother, 2 sisters) to step in and do something. If not then the most we should get involved would be to call social services to report the elder abuse.
My brother wanted to play savior and insisted on helping the uncle -- by guilt-tripping our mother into helping before he flew back to med school. Before any of this happened, I'd made it clear to my brother and our mom I thought us getting involved was a bad idea, and would not be a part of it if they decided to move forward with helping Uncle. Fast forward a few months, Uncle's condition gets worse and without telling me, my brother convinces our mom to move Uncle from his house (about 12 hours away) into her house, and INSISTED that I drop everything to come help too (even though he knew I'd set my boundary before).
We get into a shouting argument over the phone about how he was endangering our mom (who is a stroke survivor with her own medical issues) by moving this strange man into her house, and my brother arguing that "he's family, what would dad have wanted?" Which was wholly unfair. I stood my ground (albeit, while crying) and refused to support his actions as our mom's health and safety was my top priority in the situation.
I've tried many times over the past years to reach out to my brother to reconcile but he won't so much as return my texts.
TLDR, my brother guilt-tripped our mom move a man with dementia into her house, leaving her (and me) to deal with it while he went back to med school scott-free. He gave up nothing, while our mom gave up a year and a half of her life to essentially care for a stranger, and I ended up giving up a ton of time to help our mom anyway because I wasn't going to let her suffer alone. My brother still won't speak to me. Any advice is welcome as I've tried everything I can think of and don't know where to go from here

I (27F) last last winter (2022) wrote a long letter to my mom. I poured my heart into it, I cried the whole time writing it. I showed it to my husband to make sure I wasn’t being too mean in my writing towards my mom. I showed it to my stepsister to again make sure it was okay and made sense and to get emotional support (I’m Mexican and I didn’t want to push too far because i understand how deep generational trauma is and the parent child dynamic) I even showed it to my stepdad who immediately called me apologizing for the things I wrote in the letter (which I will get into in a moment) and was telling me about how he will divorce her (I didn’t want that and made me feel shitty) and explained why some scenarios ended up the way they did. Everyone encouraged me to send it. I was so confident that my mom was going to read it and drive over ? Write back? Call me. Something ! So I mailed it. (I mailed it because I instantly cry every time I try talking to her in person about not surface level things, it would of been easier getting words out especially when having to translate to Spanish)
In the letter I wrote about:
-Feeling emotionally neglected -the name calling my mom would do (calling me “retarded” and mimicking noises and movements of people with disability towards me among other things -My uncle being a pedo and scaring me into not saying anything to them, i later said something to a friend in HS who went to the counselor who called the police and I made up a person to protect my uncle, I was then grounded for over a year. -the carpet in my bedroom always being wet when it rained which is a lot where I live ruining my feet with a fungal infection that was just ignored (i understand it was a money issue but the hurt remains) -being yelled at for not cleaning everyday (I was the only child who would clean the kitchen and pick up leaves in the fall and stuff), sometimes she would clean again after I would do it. when asking to teach me how to do it better I would be ignored -asking her a question and being ignored -being blamed for high utility bills n being expensive for needing braces -my boyfriend in high school being suicidal when I would try to break up with him and hurting that I couldn’t go to them for help -saying that I tried to hit her to my step dad when I moved out of the way of her too quickly and making a scene about it leaving me confused -about the time she grabbed me by the hair and dragged me to the shower because I forgot to pick up the hairs I left in there after my shower -understanding that i understand she probably had a rough childhood and that all I wanted was a normal mother daughter relationship
That’s pretty much the gist among a bunch of other little things that really hurt me and I explained that it was hard to form a relationship with her in my adulthood and trust her with my kids until we addressed these things. I wanted to be acknowledged. Not even an apology really. But a conversation. I wanted to understand her more because I literally don’t know anything about her. We would never talk unless it was to eat dinner or clean something. I was always in my room during that time.
I waited a few weeks, my stepsister would visit them here and there and tell me how my mom appears sad? And maybe she needed more time.
A few months pass by I see my mom smiling in Hawaii having a good time.
At this point I’m in therapy because I’m losing hair from the stress of this and severely depressed.
Fall comes around and I finally go to visit with the encouragement of my husband, stepsister and stepdad. She acts like I’m not even there. This makes me angry. At one point my mom goes outside to smoke a cigarette im at the table with everyone and I start just talking about the hurts again, I say my mom is a narcissistic. My mom comes back inside. And for an hour. I’m complaining and she’s in the living room a few feet away saying absolutely nothing.
I leave feeling so weird. So lonely? We are now I’m 2024. I don’t have a relationship with her or my step dad really. I had to block her because she would go to Hawaii again and just living her life having a great time I was trying not to be bitter. Or angry. My step sister and step dad eventually started to question how legitimate my statements were (a lot of the meanness was when it was just my mom and I) it was so painful being misunderstood. Being told that that’s just the mom that I have. Being told that things were maybe my fault for having a problem with everything (I would always speak up when my parents would be racist and things)
I few months ago I did send her a text as a final effort. I asked why she never responded. If she wants to just leave this alone that’s okay and I will move on. And she told me that all that was on the letter were complaints. And told me about how when I was 20 I made a comment on a Facebook post about bad parenting and how everyone saw. About how embarrassed she was when people reached out to her. About how I wrote that I felt like I was in a dark environment. I didn’t know everyone saw it. I apologized for that. She told me to come over to talk because she personally has some complains about me. But she never acknowledged me. I didn’t want to go, to feel yelled at and again taken back to being a child getting yelled at.
I’m currently feeling grief. Mistrust to my family. Lonely. Jealous? About how my other siblings seem to be having a better time. How do I move on from feeling misunderstood. I feel like everyone is okay and I’m abandoned. I feel guilt for pulling my small family away from them from how hurt I am. Most times I’m okay until I see my stepsister at a family gathering that I’m never invited to. And then I’m back again to being a lonely child.

I 24F have been living with a housemate 27F with a drug addiction for the past year and last night I spoke to her about things I don’t agree with as a result to her addiction. Part of this is I no longer want to resume living with her when our tenancy runs out in 3 months time. This was a sudden decision but I need to get away from the situation before I feel trapped or out friendship gets strained further and I don’t want to leave her with false hope that if she gets clean I’ll change my mind because if she doesn’t I have to have this conversation again with even less notice. I understand her anger at me for discussing what I did with her but she argued over not talking about it sooner. Which yes in hindsight would if been better to handle the situation but i don’t know how to handle addiction. I have luckily never had to be in this situation before. I wasn’t fully aware to get extent it had gotten and I also spent a long period of time not in the house due to issues with the property around 2-3 months at the start of the year but this conversation had to happen now before it was too late.
However after the conversation I am wracked with guilt that maybe I should have said something sooner but whenever I tried I either got told not to worry about her or she’d say she’s fine so I would leave her as I believed her and wanted to believe she was ok. I feel horrible for having to tell her but throughout the conversation she just said why didn’t I talk to her sooner but I tried in the past. she just got angry and doesn’t seem to understand it wasn’t said to hurt her. I tried my best to talk calmly and while reading the letter to her I cried but was met with anger understandably so. I don’t hate her despite what she must think and at this time I am respecting her space and whenever she wants to talk I’ll listen I don’t think I have done everything right in this situation but i also dont know if the result would of been any different if I had done earlier. I don’t want to fallout over this as I consider her my close friend but maybe I left it too late to have this conversation. This morning I woke up to her partner who also was present as a support for her if she needed it has called me disgusting childish and said that this was a facade and basically dragged the conversation into a group chat with those who were not involved and having ahi I haven’t responded besides saying please do not do this over text and that I’m happy to discuss their feelings in person but to not drag anyone who was not there into it and for everyone to just stop then I left the group. AITA

FYI: stuff that I don’t discuss are the same as normal R6
Heimdall: And with the conclusion of the fifth round with the gods once again gaining the advantage with three points to humanity’s two. After seven million years, Humanity has taken one more step towards its end. Now get ready for the next round of Ragnarok, round 6!
The lights dim
Mutterings are heard about the darkness
Heimdall:The next fighter for the gods… Could there be any greater irony?Giving humanity its requiem… Long Ago… (A lotus buds into full bloom) He helped those foolish humans… with worldly desires.(A path of Lotuses bloom in preparation for the entrance.) and showed them the path through the darkness. Abandoning royalty, Abandoning family, Abandoning worldly desires, and Abandoning the six emotions. Trodding an untrodden path, he walked alone like the horn of the rhinoceros. And so, in six short years he attained enlightenment. He was born alone, lived alone and fought alone.Through all of heaven and earth only he is the honored one. Through all heaven and earth I alone am mighty!Only I am strong! Entering this world as a prince and exiting it as the enlightened one, out of respect humans call him… THE BUDDDHAAA!
The gods begin yelling: “Look at their faces! That’s true despair! It is his free time… C’mon show those puny humans what it means to be a god!”
Buddha walks towards humanity giving heimdall his gum and taking his Gjallar horn speaking into it:So uhhh, Imma fight for humanity. Thx
Cue that one reaction panel
The gods erupt in outrage: Are you saying you're not a god? You damn traitorous rat!
In response Buddha breaks the horn and an ear splitting roar emerges from it silencing the gods.
Buddha(Pulling out his staff): Shaddup! If the gods won’t save them, then I will! And if any god gets in my way, I’ll kill them!
It was truly astounding, shocking even the chief gods and the omnipotent Zeus. The only one who understood was Brunhilde herself.
Goll glances at Brunhilde as she sees her sister’s calm and stoic face, she realizes that her older sister planned this.She asks: Is this a part of your plan sister Hilde?
Brunhilde smiles, a wane smile and speaks: Unfortunately that man, his will is dictated by no one.
[Pre round 6]
Buddha walks up to Brunhilde, a smile on his face, a bucket of popcorn in his hands. He starts: Hey Brun, Zeus wanted me to go in the sixth round but, I don’t care, I’m gonna side with humanity.You seem sad…
Brunhilde remains stoic: Ok sir. I’m in mourning of the lost fighters.
Buddha: Were you always gonna make me rebel? I remember you came to me and asked about Volundr, you had to have been planning this huh?
Brunhilde leans down: If you must know, Nobody in the heavens hates the gods like you buddha.
Buddha grins, remarking: If you want to achieve your goal it is almost like there is no right or wrong.
[Present day]
Brunhilde to goll: He’s a horrible man, but incredibly strong. He is Humanity’s strongest Adolescent.
Heimdall angry at buddha: No NO NO, The roster is already decided. You can’t do that!
Buddha: Shaddup, I wanna do it how I wanna do it. You ain't stopping me.
Enter Zeus
Heimdall: According to the rules of —
Zeus: It just says each side has to send out a fighter not that one has to be a god or human. It’s so interesting my old bones might forgive me for smiting you Buddha.
Buddha grins: Bring it on gramps!
Zeus: But I’ve already decided on the fighter for Round six.
Odin: Let me ask you this, rat. You’re about to make an enemy of every single god, are you sure you want to do that?
Buddha: Clean your ears more old man, I don’t care. “Good people” or “bad people” (A shot of Jack sitting down with Hlokk watching the match) “gods” or “men”. To me, I’m just the Buddha.
The gods in the audience begin scolding buddha for his actions again
Buddha: If you stand in my way, I will kill you!
All of the gods go silent
Buddha: That was boring.
Zeus:I have already decided who will fight in the sixth round
???: Divine Punishment
???: Divine Punishment
???: Everyone wake up !!!!
???: Minori the boat.
???: The sound is sooooo good.
The boat touches the ground and the seven lucky gods exit.
Zeus claps Bishamantoen on the back and States: You will win.
The only response is: Yes sir
Heimdall:Only Bishamantoen needs to be present for the fight.
Bishamantoen: We are one, Let us return.
The rest of the seven lucky gods dash and fuse, making Zero. A demonic entity, seemingly childlike in form with a body to match. His hair the color of dirt and blood mixed, an evil grin spreads across his face as he stretches.Zero reaches into his back and pulls out the Misery cleaver, An ax made of rough sinew and muscle, tinges the color of pure darkness.
To most the name Zerofuku is a name that is unknown. But, to some that name was a savior. A god of fortune who healed all he could, gave humans everything. But how did the kind-hearted zero turn into the demonic form fighting Buddha today?
Zero, a young man with baggy clothes is walking along a trail, seeing a bird that has an obviously broken wing and a tiger waiting in the bush to eat its prey. Most gods wouldn’t have intervened, but to Zero this was important to provide happiness and joy to all that he could. Zero walked in calmly, Healed the bird using his own luck as a bright light encompassed the bird and it was able to fly away, to live another day.
Zero had a few chance encounters with humans, who sought him for his ability to heal and grant good luck. Zero had never visited humans, they came to him. They insisted on giving him valuable commodities and he denied it. Zero wasn’t going to be bought but rather help came from him whether you hated him with all of your soul or loved him with all of your heart.
Zero had entered a village and he cried for days, oceans of tears flooding from his eyes at the pain that humans suffered. He saw people dying, suffering and had no clue how to help these humans out of their misery but to take it. So, he did, going to everyone that he could find and taking all their misery.
When Zero returned to the small town he had first started healing, he was shocked. Everyone had only fallen further into sin. People ate when there was no good reason, People fought to gain money, People slept around because they could, People grew envious of others, People hoarded wealth to a degree that dragons would be considered small fries.
To many this was heaven on earth, they had all they could ever want and yet still wanted more. They no longer recognized his dirty, small form. This drove Zero over the edge, his good karma being poisoned by hate.
Someone helped the crying,bedraggled Zero up, a man, a bun tied over his head, a pair of glasses roundly sitting on his nose. A simple cloth covering him, the Buddha.
Buddha: Hey you look pretty rough. Want some beans?
Zero sees the people, raggedy even more so than him yet smiling from ear to ear
Zero: Who are you? Why are they so happy?
Buddha: I’m Buddha, and there is no one reason. They know what they want and they take it.
Zero begins to cry
Buddha: Hey there, why so blue?
Zero: I tried to take their misery into me so they could improve…. But all they did was take my gift and sin more
Buddha: Yeah, nice thought, not as good as a plan. You’re on the right track and are so dang close man. There is no straight cure to death, ya see, it’s all a circle… no end or beginning just you. So love what you have instead of envying what you want. Misery makes people move, it motivates them to do what otherwise would be a horrid life. Zero: But I can’t do it… I’ve tried for years and years. I’m worse than when I started…
Buddha: If you need me I’ll be there alright man.
Zero: Are you a god?
Buddha: hahahahaha NO! Just a man who loves himself.
Zero:But, the gods should be able to help you and nurture you! Why are you better at this than me?
Buddha: I’ve lived it Zero, not just been near it. I know firsthand how hard it is to bear. You have no clue what it is to suffer and come out a new man
At this Buddha walks away, his troupe behind him. Zerofuku returns to his degraded home and falls asleep. The next day he wakes with devilish horns and fleeting good karma. Overnight, joy turned to rage. He began to change his hair to the color of the misery he absorbed.
Little did zero know someone else was watching him.. The priest of gluttony, the demonic god, Beelzebub had implanted a massive amount of condensed misery, and at the core, the essence of the demon Hajun, into the sleeping form of Zero.
Beel: I hope this grows enough to kill me… Forgive me friends… I have sinned for far too long… I yearn to experience what you do… Please grant me mercy…
[Present day]
Zero: I’m gonna disembowel you? No, it doesn’t have that Jenesaisquoi that I’m looking for… Kill you? Nah… I’m gonna eradicate you!

Tldr: long term partner (treats me more like a mother than a partner, from cleaning all the time to no intimacy. Don't know how much more I can handle
So sorry about the length of this in advance!!!
We've been together 6 years and recently bought a house. I was used to doing a large share of the housework but it seems since moving its quadrupled. Like literally any task you could think of is left to me (cleaning, cooking, tidying, pet care, taking out and bringing in the bins every single week cause he refuses to). I'm bloody exhausted. He does DIY around the house but that's once in a blue moon, and because its a hobby for him.
He literally will just walk past any mess, leave piles upon piles of washing/dishes around the house, then complains if he cant find any shirts, he leaves blood in the sink when he gets a nosebleed (he "cleans" it but I still have to end up going around to sort it/wipe it off everything). I work all week and my weekends are spent cleaning up what I was too tired to do the rest of the week, he works all week and his weekend is spent sleeping or playing on his PlayStation.
We don't have sex, like can go literally months/twice a year at a time as he'll say he's too tired, hasn't showered etc. And tbh I feel like I don't want to either now cause I know I'll have to put in all the effort anyways. I have to initiate, then get on top EVERY SINGLE TIME. I understand it can't be like the honeymoon phase forever, but I miss feeling wanted.
I feel more like his mother than his partner, and its starting to give me the ick. I've spoken to him about my feelings dozens of times, and things change a little but then it's back to the same as before. There's no romance/passion, any affection has to be on his terms, sometimes I don't want to cuddle or just sit in a separate room, but he acts really sad like I hate him.
He complains about having no money, despite earning twice as much as I do and splitting everything 50/50. We've never even had a night away anywhere together but he can spend £500+ on a PS5 randomly or £100s on whatever his latest short lived hobby is.
It's not even as if he's a bad person, he can be sweet, but even then that aggravates me cause he always puts on a voice like he's talking to a kid, I don't think he's addressed me by anything besides the nickname he has for me in years 🫠
Guess it's bothering me more now cause I've got a girls trip in a few weeks, and he's actually told me to not be shocked if he forgets to feed our pets while I'm gone.

Tldr: long term partner (treats me more like a mother than a partner, from cleaning all the time to no intimacy. Don't know how much more I can handle
So sorry about the length of this in advance!!!
We've been together 6 years and recently bought a house. I was used to doing a large share of the housework but it seems since moving its quadrupled. Like literally any task you could think of is left to me (cleaning, cooking, tidying, pet care, taking out and bringing in the bins every single week cause he refuses to). I'm bloody exhausted. He does DIY around the house but that's once in a blue moon, and because its a hobby for him.
He literally will just walk past any mess, leave piles upon piles of washing/dishes around the house, then complains if he cant find any shirts, he leaves blood in the sink when he gets a nosebleed (he "cleans" it but I still have to end up going around to sort it/wipe it off everything). I work all week and my weekends are spent cleaning up what I was too tired to do the rest of the week, he works all week and his weekend is spent sleeping or playing on his PlayStation.
We don't have sex, like can go literally months/twice a year at a time as he'll say he's too tired, hasn't showered etc. And tbh I feel like I don't want to either now cause I know I'll have to put in all the effort anyways. I have to initiate, then get on top EVERY SINGLE TIME. I understand it can't be like the honeymoon phase forever, but I miss feeling wanted.
I feel more like his mother than his partner, and its starting to give me the ick. I've spoken to him about my feelings dozens of times, and things change a little but then it's back to the same as before. There's no romance/passion, any affection has to be on his terms, sometimes I don't want to cuddle or just sit in a separate room, but he acts really sad like I hate him.
He complains about having no money, despite earning twice as much as I do and splitting everything 50/50. We've never even had a night away anywhere together but he can spend £500+ on a PS5 randomly or £100s on whatever his latest short lived hobby is.
It's not even as if he's a bad person, he can be sweet, but even then that aggravates me cause he always puts on a voice like he's talking to a kid, I don't think he's addressed me by anything besides the nickname he has for me in years 🫠
Guess it's bothering me more now cause I've got a girls trip in a few weeks, and he's actually told me to not be shocked if he forgets to feed our pets while I'm gone.

[currently on episode 8]
My two cents on events and the people -
— Courtney & Aiden I liked how Aiden treated Lebo a lot. Courtney was just a mystery. I feel like these two didn't get a lot of screen time but it could also be because there was no/little drama. Didn't get good vibes from Courtney after they moved back. The "dude" thing was very off putting. Aiden seems like a nice guy, but he's indecisive and unemployed. Why does Courtney want to marry him if she's looking for stability? They don't even look like they're crazy in love or something.
— Khanya A lot to say about her. This is a long one. She was abusive in many ways. However, (unpopular opinion coming), I don't think that the points that she was making were unreasonable. It was her way of doing it.
Example 1, when she met Isaac's friends and they started asking her about why Isaac hasn't been eating well when there's a woman in the house. I would not entertain that sexist BS either. That was out of line. This made Isaac get on her nerves about dishes. Yes, I personally like things clean BUT we're all different people. In an ideal scenario, yes the dishes would be done when you're living with someone BUT these people are all strangers and I wouldn't be doing my chores on someone else's time especially if they're being an ass to me. The whole "what do you bring to the table" thing was also crazy for me for because 1. It's not a job interview and 2. They barely knew each other. He could've asked her anything like "what are some aspects you're trying to work on? Or what do you think works in your relationships?" Anything. Endless possibilities. And he chose the stupidest question.
Example 2, the siza, nkateko, and her scene. Uhfff. There was too much rage in that scene and it was hard to watch. I'm sure everyone understands how badly khanya behaved there but I'll play the devil's advocate for a second. Siza, while seems like a really nice person, has some issues to deal with with her laughing situation, because when you laugh in front of (or worse, AT) an angry person, it tends to agitate them further. Because it's not funny. Be an adult for a second and recognise that this is a serious situation. I understand that laughing is a coping mechanism for some people but it's not always perceived well. Two, Khanya was in fact right for establishing boundaries. Like hello, you showed up unannounced in someone else's house. Nkateko did the same thing. Just barged in like he owned th house with no regard to the othe person living in the house. Where are your manners? Idk if this is a cultural thing because everyone kept going to everyone's house without notice, just randomly showing up. I don't get it. Nkateko is the real ass here who left Siza alone with Khanya because why would you ever do that when you know both of those people? There's something really wrong about Nkateko.
Lastly, I understand that a lot of people might not agree with me here but I'm trying to understand why Khanya behaved that way. She is a strong woman who's not afraid to speak her mind and society doesn't always take that well. Clearly, Isaac's mom hated her and I see that their culture treats men and woman differently. This is not to take away from the fact that she was abusive and escalated situations that could've been handled better.
— Ruth, Isaac, Nolla, Lebo Lebo's a gem and I hope she blocked Nolla from her life. Period. Nolla, doesn't deserve any attention. Ruth, love that she's unapologetic about her actions. She knows what she wants and she's not afraid to ask for it. Deserves muchhhhhh better than Isaac and def Nolla. Isaac, man, get off your high horse. There's some deeply ingrained gender superiority in that man. I have a bad feeling about him.
— Sizakele & Lindile This couple is a question mark for me. Like why come to a show like this when you've only been together for 6 months? Also, the whole gift thing, Siza again just randomly showed up at someone's house and ruined their evening. Like stop going to other people's houses. It's not wrong to speak your mind, but there is a time and place for it, ideally arranged in advance, agreed by both parties.
— Thabi, Genesis, Lindile Genesis looked a bit hurt but I liked how he was dealing with things. Showed maturity. Thabi and Lindile really got along well I think. The Love triangles are messy, def not as bad as the other couples tho. At least they're keeping it civil. I feel like these 3 people at least seem aware that they are on television while the others seem to have forgotten this liittle detail.
In conclusion - I didn't understand why they were trying to replace their partners permanently. The idea is to work on your issues and go back to your OG partner. While there's always room for feelings to develop, it's like no one really spoke about their old partners with the idea of working on their relationships with them. I think they completely missed the point of the show here, but in the drama department, the season was on point!! It was a bit too intense honestly. Could've held back a lil and I never thought I'd say that for the ultimatum/lib producers lol.
ALL THE MEN ON THIS SHOW WERE ABSOLUTE GARBAGE. The bar is in hell ladies.
Edit - grammar +

Pornography has caused countless people to be turned into victims of sexual violence. I know this fact isn’t news to anyone here but, I wanted to share my own story again to shed light on how much damage it can do to a porn addict’s mind, especially at a young age.
I was 13 when I met my first boyfriend, he was 14. I wanted to marry him. A boundary I set from the beginning was that I didn’t want to have sex until we married. He pressured me. Eventually, it escalated until he took my virginity by rape. I froze. I told myself it was a good experience despite the fact that I just laid there staring out my window at a full moon, while I suffered physical pain.
By the time we’d been seeing each other for 6 months, it escalated further. I was 14 now, he was 15. He made me watch porn with him. It made me feel really awkward and uncomfortable. He started asking me for more and more, and became really rough with me. He slapped me in the face until it bruised one night during sexual activity. I stopped and asked him why he was doing it, and he said “because you’re trash, you’re garbage”. He was so aggressive he made me vomit, then forced me to eat it. I don’t know why I allowed it. It got even worse over time. He kept hitting me. He started urinating on me, as this was a new thing to get him off. One day, after he did this, he told me to get in the shower. I was glad, I thought he’d clean me up and be nice to me since I did what he wanted. Instead, he turned the water on ICE COLD and made me stand in it. He was insanely sadistic. He eventually raped me again, taking my other virginity…
I had never been in a relationship before, and had no real family, so I thought these things were normal. Now, years later, I realize that he was just a child who was deeply damaged and disturbed due to porn. He may have even been a victim himself, but I was unfortunately his victim.
People seem to think porn is harmless, but I would have never experienced the horrors that I did without it. Porn created a monster, a predator, an abuser, and he was barely even a teenager.

Got a delivery from Wickes on a blue pallet. I learned it's owned by CHEP, okay. I'm considering to fill in the form on their website for pickup, but does anyone know how long it usually takes until they pick it up, and are they even coming to a small town for one single pallet? Or can I drop it off somewhere? I don't want it to linger around on my (small and clean) front yard for ages.
Alternatively, can I bring it to the local recycling centre, or will they refuse it because it's CHEP owned?