I had surgery and now my throat hurts and my body aches

Went to the ER a week ago and the doc very casually told me he passed 3 before and Ill pass this one. It made me confident. I knew nothing about kidney stones and was shocked Id have one. They Gave me oxys and flowmax and sent me on my way. The pain was so different than i ever experienced. I knew it was my kidney.
Ive done so much research and im so confused. I felt like i was passing it a few days ago. Had a burning sensation, but couldnt pee. But that stopped and life went back to normal sort of.
Yesterday i had awful lower back pain. Started up again today. It was a dull aching and annoying pain. And some sharp pains in my vagina. Went back to the ER today and they say its 6mm. My symptoms are now just back pain on my left side. I drink a TON of water. It never hurts to pee. I pee just fine. Thankfully no other symptoms other than that. What the heck is going on. Anyone experience this? Doc said its right on my bladder. I feel so defeated its not out with the amount of watwr I drink. It hasnt even been 2 weeks. I suppose im just worried its too big.
I guess im looking for similar situations. Trying to ease my mind while doing everything I can and take the meds prescribed.

Hello mold subreddit. First time reddit poster here. Thank you in advance for any insight you can offer to my case. In what follows, I'm going to first describe the health journey that led to my mold discoveries and questions, so please bear with me through the health stuff. I have included excessive detail in the hopes that my case might help others navigate possible mold problems.
If you don't feel like reading all the below, the tl:dr version: After struggling with unknown health issues for 15 months, I eventually linked my symptoms to my new home and subsequently discovered very high volatile organic chemical levels. I linked the VOCs to mold. I also had a mold inspection done, and the results are at the bottom of this post. The levels of mold were high in my kitchen and bathroom. However, oddly, the mold levels in the outside control group were much higher than inside. Can anyone help me understand how high my indoor mold levels are? Does anyone know whether the outdoor levels are reasonably normal? Is my specific blend of mold types implicated in neurological symptoms for others? And if anyone has dealt with mold before, do my possible mold symptoms described below seem similar to ones that you've had?
I bought my townhome in late 2022. Within four months, I started having new neurological symptoms. These symptoms started with a postural tremor in my left index finger and thumb. The same hand eventually began to appear smaller and shriveled, especially around my thumb. I also started having extremely frequent muscle twitches and jerks. These twitches take three general forms:

1. The most common is an odd sensation of something wiggling under my skin. These primarily happen in my face, around my mouth, my butt/legs, and ribs.
2. A pulsing regular beat in a muscle that lasts for several seconds and in some cases longer. These usually happen near joints, especially just above my elbows and knees. These are almost always visible to the naked eye.
3. A sensation of rapid vibrating underneath the skin that lasts briefly. These vibrations are usually not visible but you can feel them if you press a hand over the area.

The twitches and apparent change to my hand have lasted for 16 months. At this point, the tissue loss in my thumb is also apparent in my forearm and upper left arm. My leg on the same side arm appears different and feels as if it has lost some muscle. I also have frequent trembling with specific muscles when I flex them. For example, sometimes when I try to hold a smile my face muscles will shake or give out. My neck tissues are especially liable to shake and vibrate when flexed, such as when doing tasks like flossing where I need to hold my lips back. On a few separate occasions, I have felt slight paralysis on one side of my face for an evening or so that then mysteriously goes away.
Aside from these neurological symptoms, I also have had frequent hoarseness, sneezing, jaw pain, and headaches. My joints often feel like they are more bony and poppy, especially in my left knee and knuckles. In addition, I've had a lot of issues with one ear on the same side as the shriveled hand. The ear had an apparent infection or cloudiness 12 months ago that went away, it then had recurrent pulsatile tinnitus, and now it just occasionally hurts at random times. There have been many other symptoms.
I have seen two neurologists, an endocrinologist, an ear-nose-throat doctor, and an orthopedic doctor. I've had countless tests done including two electromyographies (EMGs) over my whole body several months apart, an MRI, and a lyme disease blood panel. Every test has been normal, although the orthopedic doctor suggested possible thoracic outlet syndrome. The neurologist said my nerves are quite robust. My borrelia blood panel came back negative, although as a side note I did have a tick bite in early 2022 that caused a rash. I was treated for Lyme with 10 days of doxycycline. The tick bite itself still occasionally flares up red and its timing might be correlated with my symptoms.
Back to the house-- I was on a two week vacation out of state and noticed my twitches go away. Then I saw my arm become more normal sized again and the veins start to come back. I didn't feel the same joint issues, had no hoarseness, lost the headaches. All the symptoms came back as soon as I returned home, but nevertheless after that vacation and subsequent extended trips, I was able to conclude with a reasonable level of confidence that these symptoms are linked to the house. I bought an air filter and an air quality monitor that shows volatile organic chemicals, PM, formaldehyde, and C02.
Using the air quality monitor, I discovered that volatile organic chemicals (VOCs) and formaldehyde were usually abnormally high and sometimes extremely high. VOCs are usually above safety thresholds at >0.5 mg/m3 and formaldehyde >0.1 mg/m3. Sometimes, the VOC levels will stay consistently above 1.8mg/m3. I witnessed them reach a peak level of 5mg/3 in one bedroom late at night when I was woken up by a feeling of shortness of breath. I tried but failed to correlate these high VOCs to electronics, chemical sources in the home, cooking sources, heaters, and cleaning supplies. The way the VOCs would spike all over the house for no apparent reason in the evening helped me rule out some of these other possibilities. I also actively removed other sources.
Eventually, I realized that the VOCs were likely caused by mold, so-called microbial VOCs. The formaldehyde could also be explained by mold. The levels of VOCs would spike on rainy days, when the humidity was high inside, and in the evening. I don't think any other chemical source near the house would display this pattern. It took me a while to reach this conclusion because the mold issue in my house isn't too obvious. The house has always had a slight musty smell, especially if the air is stagnant for a while. The bathroom also has recurring mold growth on a tiles, in the shower, and on the various shower liners. A couple cabinets in the kitchen have always smelled musty. I didn't think these obvious signs of mold growth were that big of a deal, but given the extremely high levels of VOCs I now believe the mold has always been the issue.
Once I realized it was likely mold, I started noticing all the signs. The house is about 100 years old. The prior two owners of this house each moved out within five months. The house is not ventilated except from windows. It sits in a damp area near where water puddles up in the yard. It's mostly solid brick, so the house frame has a way of trapping hot air and releasing a lot of moisture onto the floors each evening. There's also a cheap layer of vinyl flooring throughout that could easily cover up a massive mold problem underneath. Finally, the townhome sits on top of an old shared crawl space that was used as a furnace. It has had known water puddling issues for which reason a vapor guard was installed underneath my first floor.
So, I had a mold inspection done. The results are at the bottom of this post. The bathroom results might be diluted because I left the window open the night before. Nevertheless, both my kitchen and bathroom had mold detected at levels between 6480 - 12,300 spores/m3. Oddly, the outdoor levels of all of the molds were often much higher, 3-6 fold higher than the levels indoors. It was a humid day, but it still seems odd for me that an outdoor space could have higher levels than indoors.
On later reading about my specific mold spores and neurological symptoms, I noticed that the two most elevated groups of spores in my house, ascospores and basidiospores, are the same class as all of the funguses known to have colonized the nervous system of ALS patients according to this published article. Those specific types of fungus found in the nerves of ALS patients are Candida, Malassezia, Fusarium, Botrytis, Trichoderma, and Cryptococcus. It naturally led me to wonder if my chronic als-type neurological symptoms could be caused by some latent fungal infection in my body that gradually improves when I'm away from the home.
Wrapping up this thread, I have a bunch of questions.

• Does anyone have the same kinds of molds (see below) in their home and have the ability to speak to how problematic my levels are from their own experience?
• Why would the outdoor control be so high? I do compost and garden, but all of the compost is buried underground.
• Is my specific blend of mold types implicated in neurological symptoms?
• Do my symptoms seem similar to mold-related symptoms that you might have had? I'm trying to figure out if mold is a likely culprit or if I should keep seeking help for possible tickborne illness or other issues.
• Should my mold levels be a cause to stay away from this house as much as possible? Should I ever return?
• Do I need to throw away all my belongings like books clothes and sheets?
• Would a very high quality HEPA air purifier make any difference?
• Is there some kind of public health representative that could help me navigate this or a type of mold doctor who could help me investigate the causes of my symptoms and seek the right kinds of medication?
• Do you have any other advice for someone in my situation?

My mold inspection results

Mr. Winslow accused my mother of stealing his dead wife’s jewelry.

I explained it was impossible. He was welcome to search the tiny apartment I shared with my mother and aunt, he could look wherever he wanted.

“We share a tiny space,” I said. “We barely have enough room for our clothes. I don’t even know where she would hide jewelry.”

I was worried we would lose him as a client. Which would suck because cleaning his house was basically the majority of our rent cheque. But a week later he found the pearl necklace, it had somehow travelled down to his basement.

“I’m still missing the gold bangle though,” he said. “And some earrings.”

I told him I was sorry, but I had no idea. If my mom or aunt found it on their next clean, I promised they would let him know right away.
He hummed and hawed. There might’ve been a week where he hired a different maid service, but eventually he called back, asking if he could hire all three of us on-site again.

I thanked him profusely. I told him we’d keep an eye out for the missing valuables.

***
On our drive over, I had my mom and aunt practice the apology we would give him in English. Even though we didn’t steal anything, I explained we should still say sorry.

“Why?” My aunt asked. “That’s so stupid.”

“Everyone apologizes for everything in Canada. Just trust me. He will want it.”
“We need the work,” my mom said.

For a second my aunt revved up to say something else, but then let it go. We did need the work.

When we arrived, Mr. Winslow was on a phone call, watching his two large goldendoodles play in the front yard. He waved, then gestured to the front door. My mom and aunt gave small bows and carried their cleaning supplies inside.

Before I could enter, he put the phone behind his ear and approached me.

“Ida, hi. Good to see you again. Listen, don't worry about the jewelry. Water under the bridge. Hey. I’m leaving in an hour or so, and I won’t be back until late tonight. I’m wondering if you’d be interested in dog-sitting? You’ve been around Toto and Kipper. What do you think? I’d really appreciate the help.”

I never liked the way he looked at me. It was always too close, and it lingered for too long. My aunt may have been right in that he hired us back just to see me again, but I ignored the thought.

“And don’t worry, I can cover your cab back. My usual walker is just out on holiday. You can help yourself to whatever’s in the fridge. How does six hundred sound?”

I looked at his house and imagined if I would be comfortable there. Alone at night.

“I’ll make it seven-hundred. I know it's last minute. I just hate leaving them alone. Plus Toto has his medicine. You would do me a real solid.”

My apron needed adjusting so I put down my bucket. I focused on the polyester knot, keeping my gaze away from his. I really didn’t want to be doing this, but my aunt would call me stupid for refusing easy money. And frankly, so would I.

“I had plans, but I’m willing to give them up.” I said with a straight face. “Eight hundred and it’s a done deal.”

He paused for a second, observing me scrupulously. Then he found his usual, smarmy half-smile. “You’re a life saver, you know that? An Angel.”

His hand gripped my shoulder. Then patted it twice.

***
Both my mom and aunt were pleased about the extra cash, they said I deserved to make extra for all the bookkeeping I do. But they also both voiced their concerns for safety. They said they could stay with me if I wanted.
“Safety? Mamãe I’m just watching two dogs.”

My mom wiped a caked red stain off his counter. An old wine spill. “Yes, but so late in his house? You’re not worried he might … I don’t know …”

Might what? Exploit me?
I met his groundskeeper once, another immigrant contractor. Except the groundskeeper was being paid far less, because he never properly negotiated. Mr. Winslow was certainly capable of exploiting people when he wanted to, and I’m sure he would try the same on my family.
But I was different. I’d gone to school in Banniver, and I knew the little maneuvers played by the so-called “progressive people in North America.”

And Winslow knew it too.

He didn’t realize a Canadian-raised daughter organized her mom’s cleaning service. Or that she would show up on the first day as a statement. That statement being: You can’t get away with mistreating these old Brazilian women. And you certainly can’t swindle them out of the going rates in his neighborhood. I’m onto you.
I had asserted myself with this Mr. Winslow, and felt confident that I could stand my ground if he tried any bullshit.

“Mamãe I’m not worried about him. Really, I’m not. He’s a pushover.”
***
6:00PM rolled around, it was just me and the goldendoodles.

My mom and aunt were back at home, watching low-res soaps on a Macbook, but they said if I encountered anything strange—a sound, a smell, an unexpected car in the driveway—to give them a call right away.
“Mamãe, its two dogs. I’ll be fine.”
“Just keep your phone close Ida. Your auntie has sensed things in that house. Unpleasant things.”
I forgot to mention my aunt thinks of herself as an amateur medium. In the village she grew up in, she claimed she could sometimes see people who were recently deceased.
But I never really believed her. Mostly because it was also my auntie’s idea to charge families who wanted to forward messages to the very same people who were recently deceased.

“Okay mamãe, whatever you say. I’ll phone you if I get scared.”

“That house has a history Ida, you could feel it in the walls. The outside too.”
It sure does. A history of being owned by a wealthy prick.

***
The sun slinked below the overcast horizon like a dying lantern. It got dark much faster than I expected.

I kept all the lights on, and played with the dogs a bit, trying to encourage them to try piss on the shag rug. Neither did. They mostly wanted naps.

I tried napping for a bit too, but the leather couch felt like it was made of rock. I just couldn’t get comfortable.

Eventually I made myself dinner—some pasta that had been bought from Whole Foods—and ate it while scrolling on my phone.

I was just about done, ready to take my dirty plate in the sink when I first heard it.

The first explosion.

It came from the basement. A vibrating KAPOW that rattled the windows and chandelier on my floor. It sounded like someone had set off a cherry bomb.

What the hell?

I turned to the dogs who were just as scared as I was. They came whimpering with tails between their legs.

Could a pipe have burst or something?

I looked at the basement door, an area we were not instructed to clean, and then heard another explosion.

Vases shook. A painting went tilted. It sounded louder. Like full grade firework. I had lived in Rio de Janeiro, by Prianha beach, where they often launched celebratory fireworks. This was just as deafening.

I didn’t want to go down to the basement. In fact, I sat by the front door.

Both dogs huddled around me.

***

Twenty minutes passed. It had been quiet.

Out of pride I refused to call my mom—I didn’t want to admit I was scared. Instead, I spent the time going through all the rational answers in my head that could explain away the noise. Plumbing, terrorism, teen pranks … hot springs?

There were hot springs all over West Bann.

Obviously, some kind of pent-up geyser had lay dormant for a while, and it was now suddenly unleashing a ton of energy below Mr. Winslow’s house. To distract myself, I Wikipedia’d the history of West Banniver, and satisfied this theory.

During the 1850’s gold rush, West Banniver saw rapid settlement as a mining town. The proliferation of mine shafts soon led to a discovery of underground hot springs. Mayfield Briggs Ltd which was the first company to seize the opportunity as a tourist attraction…

That’s all it was. A hot spring releasing a buildup of pressure.

Then a third explosion came.

It was so loud and violent that the door to the basement flew open. I fell to the ground and covered my head as several books went flying off nearby shelves.

The dogs yipped and barked like crazy. They stood in front of me, guarding against an unseen force. A voice shrieked from the basement.

“HELP!!! HELLLLP!”

Rivets shot through my hands and knees. I was frozen to the floor.

“PLEEEEEEASE!”

It had the high-pitched desperation of someone whose life was about to end. I raised my head and listened closely to hear haggard, dusty coughing. It sounded like an old man’s cough. It echoed through the basement and into the living room. Between coughs the man continued to plead for his life.

HELLLLP!”

I had no idea who it could be or how he got down there.

Before I could think, one of the dogs shot past me, bolting down the basement steps, barking ferociously.

“Kipper!”

I tried to grab the loose leash, but I could only hold the collar of his sibling. “Kipper come back here!”

“HELLO?” The voice from below seemed to recognize my presence. “PLEASE, YOU’VE GOT TO HELP!”
I was now upright, breathing as fast as Toto was panting. I tied Toto to the thick rails on the stairs. I had to save the other dog.

Instinctually I grabbed my phone, slipped an AirPod in one ear, and dialed my mother without even looking at the screen.

“Mãe. There’s … something terrible is happening.”

My mother was suitably confused. Even more so when she heard the screaming of the man downstairs as his voice echoed in the living room. It was a cry of immense, awful pain.

After two slower, more detailed explanations of what I just heard, my mother told me to call the fire department. “Poke your head through the basement, see what’s happening. Then call the fire department.”

That made sense to me. I inched my way to the basement entrance and tried to see past the doorway. It was complete darkness. There was no light switch.

I turned the torch on my phone, and my aunt’s voice came blaring. “Get out of there Ida! I am telling you, there is darkness in that house!”

As I illuminated the dusty wooden stairs, I saw that they only lead only to more pitch black. Yup, plenty of darkness here.

There was some phone-wrestling. My mother came back on. “What is it? What did you see?”

“Don’t encourage her! Get her to leave!” my auntie yelled in the background.

I told them to pipe down because I could suddenly hear the gentle whimpering at the base of the stairs. The dog sounded close.

“Kipper come! This way! Follow my voice!”

I went down a few steps further, expecting the basement floor to appear any second, but there were only more wooden steps. How long was this staircase?

“Kipper?”

There was a flat, cold wall on my left, and no guard rail to speak of. I stepped down each step very carefully to maintain my balance, sliding my hand along the wall.

Then the wall disappeared. I flew forward.
***

I woke up lying face-first on rocky floor. My phone was cracked next to me. My mother was crying in my ear. “Ida! Ida! Oh my god! Ida!”

I looked up to see I was not at the bottom of someone’s basement. There were lights all above me. Lanterns. They were illuminating a cavernous, rocky chamber that led to many tunnels with train tracks and wooden carts. I was in the opening of a massive underground mine.

I coughed, and gave out a weak “… what?”

“Ida is that you? Are you… brrzzzzz” My mom’s voice faded.

Before I could reply, I saw the crooked form of a man in tan coveralls, shaking the immobile body of another person in coveralls next to him. In fact, there was a small row of half a dozen miners all slumped against a blasted rock wall. There were bits of granite, wood, rope, and what looked like entrails splattered all throughout.

“Oh the cruelty …” the one, standing miner said. He went from body to body and jostled each of his coworkers. “Must I find you all like this … every time?”

I crawled up to a half-standing pose and tried to see the face of the hunched over survivor.

My heart dropped.

He had no face.

The explosion which must have killed some of friends had also blasted away this man’s entire sternum, neck and skull. The miner wasn’t hunched over or leaning away with his head, he just simply … had no head.

And up there, floating right in the middle of where his face should be, were a set of eyeballs, glistening under the yellow lights.

The eyes turned to me. “Oh. Why hello. Hello there.”

Terrified, I rose to complete standing and opened both my palms in a show of total deference. “I don’t know. I don’t know who you are or what this is.”

The headless miner walked toward me. I noticed he carried a pickaxe in his right arm. He gestured with his left to where his ear would be.

“I’m sorry I can’t hear you. Had an accident.”

Despite him having no head, his voice still came from where his mouth would be. There was an earnestness in his speech, it might have had something to do with his very old-timey accent, but I still felt like he was trying to be friendly.

“Another batch of faulty dynamite. Everyone’s dead. But what else is new.”

He brought his left palm to his face, perhaps to wipe away tears, but instead his hand travelled through his nonexistent head to scratch a small portion of his back.

“Been dead for many years I’m afraid. But I’ve kept busy. Been a good man. Worked very hard for the boss upstairs.”

He gestured upwards with the pickaxe. I looked up, and out in the distance, I saw a large, ancient, set of wooden stairs that I must have fallen from. They extended far up into the mine’s ceiling and kept going.

“He’s gotten good ore from me. Good, shining, golden ore. I have a knack for it you see. The same knack that killed me so many years ago. It's probably what’s still keeping me around though.”

He came closer. I could see he had brown irises, with one of the cataracts deteriorating into milky white haze. The eyes stared at me, unblinking.

“Because I’m not done, see. This mine isn’t empty. I know there’s more gold. Much more. And it’s not all for the boss. No, I’m keeping some to myself. Don’t tell him, but I’ve been stashing a large deposit for myself. It can’t all be his of course. It’s my mine after all. Half these tunnels were dug entirely by me. So of course I deserve some. It’s only natural.”

I lifted my hand and pointed at the staircase behind him. I mouthed very big, obvious words. “I have to go back. I’m going back up those stairs.”

He shifted his body. His two eyes turned in the air as if they were still inside an invisible skull. I saw nerve endings at the back undulate and twist.

“Yes, that is the only way up.”

My heart was in my throat. At least I found some form of communication. I gestured to knee height and nervously asked if he had seen a “large, shaggy dog.”

“Ah yes. I’ve seen the pooches. They come down here sometimes. When the booms don’t scare em that is. Hahah.”

I gave a thumbs up. It felt like a ridiculous interaction with a ghost, or zombie or whatever this was, but at least it was working.

“I think I saw his little tail run over that way. They like the smell of the mineral spring.”

I turned behind to see the long tunnel he was pointing at. It was dimly lit by a chain of smaller lanterns.

I thought I saw a flutter of movement, and I would have kept looking further if it wasn’t for my aunt’s voice that suddenly exploded in my ear. “Brrrzt … Ida! If you can hear us, we are calling the police to your location. Help is coming soon! … ”

I winced and stepped back—which saved my life. I just so happened to step right out of the way of a pickaxe. It sparked the ground.

I gasped and stared at the headless miner. His eyes were shimmering with a dark focus, staring directly at mine.

“Oh I’ll help you find the dog. I’ll help you find whatever you want. But I’ll need those clean new eyes of yours first.”

He swung at my head. I ducked. He went for the backswing. I ran.

Stupidly, I ran in the opposite direction of the stairs. I ran straight into the long tunnel lined with dim lanterns.

But I couldn’t turn around. I had no idea how quick he could move. And the speed of his pickaxe felt supernatural.

The tunnel was narrow, and lined with wooden tracks, I had to skip-run-jump over the panels with immense precision to make sure I didn’t trip. Behind me, his voice chased.

“Go ahead. Run. I know where these all lead.”

I ignored the words and kept going. The tunnel bent left, then right, then left again. I ignored several exits before the tunnel spat me out into an open, cavernous room filled with dozens and dozens of minecarts.

I investigated the room for anything useful. A far opposite wall appeared to be the site of the latest digging, loose rock lay everywhere.

There was a small mineshaft holding a chained up cart. And something in the cart shimmered…

It was gold.

And not just ore either. There were bars, coins, medallions, and jewelry. Mrs. Winslow’s bangles were right on top.

I ran to the cart furthest from the entrance and ducked behind it, breathing heavily, coughing from all the dust.

The headless man emerged from the tunnel, pickaxe raised and scanning where I could have hid. “I may not be able to hear you. But I can follow footprints pretty easily hah. I know you’re in here.”

He grabbed the closest minecart available and pushed it into the tunnel entrance. With an immense show of strength, he lifted and dislodged the cart off the track, cramming it sideways, creating a massive obstacle.

I was sealed inside.

Trying to stay absolutely still, I coughed through my teeth. Lungs burning. My mom’s voice came through.

“Brrzzztt… The police should be there! I told them you were in danger! They said they sent a unit over. Maybe they broke down the front door?”

I looked up at the mine shaft next to me. If it did connect to the surface upstairs, this was my only chance.

I gave a couple good yells. “HEEEEELP!!! DOWN HERE!! HELP!”

I don’t know if it did any good, but it was better than nothing. I turned to see if the miner had heard anything.

He hadn't.

The pickaxe tapped and clanged awkwardly around minecart after minecart.

I had a bigger advantage than I thought.

Although the miner had two floating eyeballs, only the left one was really capable of seeing anything.

So I kept my distance and watched where he was going, always staying behind.

As he limped and peered around minecarts, I was able to evade him, move from behind rock piles and other carts, careful not to leave a trail in the rock dust.

It was all going well until I heard a familiar panting.

“Oh look. If it isn’t precious.”

The dog had managed to jump over the miner’s blockade. It must have heard my yells. Surprisingly, Kipper was unafraid of the headless villain, and even approached him to receive pets.

“Now why don’t you go say hello to our other friend here huh? I know she's here somewhere.”

No. Kipper. Please. Don’t.

The dog started sniffing. Within seconds he found my scent. Kipper skipped towards me like Lassie and excitedly licked my face.

“Aww there we are. Now isn’t that a good boy?”

I stood up and stared at the filthy, ash-stained coveralls. Despite the lack of teeth, I could sense a menacing grin where the mouth should be.

He wasn't going to lose sight of me now. I had nowhere to go.

So I did the thing my auntie said worked on all spirits. I fell to my knees and prayed.

“Please. I only came here for work. I’m too young to die. Let me go and I won't tell anyone that you're here.”

He stood over me. Both of his pupils started to quiver. In just a few seconds, his eyes were swimming excitedly within the space of his head.

I took off the only valuable I had. A gold necklace with a miniature version of Christ the Redeemer. A gift I had received as a teen in Rio. I held it out in my shaking hands.

“Please. Take it. Take everything.”

Suddenly both the eyeballs stared forward again, entranced by the gold.

“Well look at that. How generous. How generous of her. We should reward generosity shouldn’t we?”

***

It was hard for me to describe to the police officer how exactly I got out, because I have no idea.

The fiery pain where my eyes used to be overwhelmed my entire reality for hours. All I wanted was for it to stop.

They found me half inside a dumbwaiter bleeding to death from the gouges in my face.

I was taken to the hospital, where I would spend the next four weeks recovering.

The police did not in fact storm the house like my mom said. They waited outside for the homeowner to return. But when they heard my screams coming from the top floor, they broke the back door and eventually came to my rescue.

I’m told they did a thorough investigation but could not find any of the things I described.

The basement door led into a regular basement. It was filled with old furniture, unused decor, and paint cans. No Mine.

The dumbwaiter was also just a dumbwaiter. It wasn’t some mine shaft, and it didn’t lead any deeper than the basement. Nothing special.

There were definitely hot springs close by, but nothing close enough to damage Mr. Winslow's property. And there was an old, depleted gold mine not far away either, but it was completely abandoned, closed off, and nowhere near as big as the one I had described.

***
The police, paramedics and doctors all thought my story was some hallucination. That I had been on drugs or had some mental breakdown (even though they couldn’t find anything in me other than small traces of weed.)
Thankfully, my mother and aunt believed me. They believed every word. My aunt is the one who encouraged me to make this post, so others could hear my story.

I know it was real.

I know it was.

And Mr. Winslow is fully aware of the mine’s existence.

Putting the dots together, I realized it was likely the source of his wealth. Winslow had some control over that one headless miner down there.

Did Winslow intentionally entrap me? Was he trying to get the miner a new set of eyes? Or was it all an unfortunate accident?

I might never know.

But what I do know is that Mr. Winslow has been paying for our rent ever since the accident.

He feels “terrible about the situation” and “can’t possibly imagine” what I’ve been through.

But he knows what happened.

He knows if I really pushed, If I really forced the police, or some private investigator to look into it—they would uncover something awful. Something really really bad.

“Anything you need. Anything at all. I will cover it, Ida.” He said. “You helped me out, protected my dogs, and I will never forget it.”

He’s offered to pay for the rest of my University schooling. And once my face heals up, he’s even offered to cover for some very expensive, experimental eye-transplant. We’ll see how that goes.

“You and your family will live comfortably from now on. You’ll want for nothing. Tell me exactly what you need, And you’ll get it.”

So I told him I'd like my necklace back. It was an heirloom. I said I lost it somewhere in his house.

A few days later, he returned with the usual smug, half-crooked smirk in his voice. He brought the necklace back in a box, pretending he had bought me a new one. Except it felt exactly like my old one.

It was all shined up, completely buffed of scratches, but it weighed the same. It was my old one for sure.

When my mom saw it she asked, “did it always have it? This dedication?”

As far as I remembered, the backside of the tiny Christ the Redeemer was always plain. I fingered its shape in my hands.

“What dedication?”

The new little divots caught my nails. There was writing that was definitely not there before.

My mom described it as a curly, serif font. Like a gift for a lover.

You’re an angel.

i’ve had chronic pain my whole life but coming to the conclusion that I’ll be in a chair soon for longer outings as my legs and spine issues are becoming worse. Its a concern ive had for a while since getting surgery at 10, roughly a decade ago now. everything i read/have been told by professionals about my condition have said spinal deterioration is common and will happen faster bc of said condition. Not ready to give up that independence, but am thankful i can still drive and take myself out. Posting this more to rant than anything as most of the people around me are able bodied and do not understand how to approach this topic. Nor has anyone really seen why this is so upsetting, that it’s going to help me but im not happy admitting my body is starting to need so much help at an age (~20s) that are supposed to be in a physical prime. Without considering the social aspect that is so tiring to maintain, as an introvert and someone with low spoon count :/ *my family and friends are all supportive!

For the last month, my (almost) 6 year old has been having terrible angry outbursts (at me and his dad) and hitting (me). This is really, really out of character for him - he’s always been a pretty chill, well-behaved kid. Yesterday and today he whacked me with a toy because I told him to pick up his backpack; last week he had a total meltdown and rammed his head into my stomach because the Mother’s Day bookmark he made slid out of the tissue paper. Really disproportionate reactions. On the rare occasion he hit when he was younger, we held his arms and did the whole “I won’t let you hurt my body”, encouraged alternatives (deep breath, counting, asking for hugs or alone time), and that was that. None of that is working now. We moved to consequences - losing privileges, toys - and his response is that he doesn’t care. Escalated to losing his birthday party out of desperation, it hasn’t made a difference. This behavior is so unlike him and it’s very scary. We never spank, we hardly raise our voices and definitely don’t do violence. There’s no big changes or trauma in our lives. I’m at a loss. His teacher hasn’t noticed any temper issues at school, but after school seems to be the time when he’s at his worst. Any thoughts/advice would be greatly appreciated. He’s such a sweet, good kid and this is so confusing.

27 year old male living in the uk. My mental health has not been great the last 10 years, and it has got significantly worse in the last two years. I have always had severe anxiety and depression. Although never diagnosed. All my life, I have been very insecure about who I was. I believe I am dumb, ugly, unlovable and unworthy. As a result I never really made an effort with anything. I never had any dreams or aspirations. I never dated or formed quality friendships. I don’t even have a career. I am a working a dead end warehouse job and I don’t see a positive future for myself.
Growing up I did poorly at school and never really excelled at anything. I could never find something I was good at and always felt incompetent. I have issues managing stress and every task overwhelms me.
I have self image issues and hate the way I look. I hate going out in public especially in the summer due to body issues. I am slim and struggle to gain weight. I also started balding very young and had severe acne growing up. I have blown thousands on fixing my appearance. Skin treatments, personal trainers, new clothes and eyebrow grooming. I have nothing to offer I might as well be pretty lol. 0 savingsa and now money issues. Tbh I still feel crap about my looks. Money wasted I guess…
To make matters worse, I have a speech impediment (stammer) that makes speaking incredibly difficult. I am so ashamed of my stammer that I hardly talk, and as a result have no friends or close connections. I feel so lonely. I never dated or had any romance. I am a closeted gay from religious Muslim family. I didn’t come to terms with my sexuality till age 22. I want to experience love. I honestly feel like I missed out. I am nearly 30 and it feels as if I will never meet anyone. Every guy I talk to I push them away, because I don’t feel good enough. I have hurt so many guys by ghosting them or blocking. I feel too ugly, dumb and unaccomplished in life. Who wants to date some loser 27 year old? With a stutter, no proper career and 0 friends.
Sad reality is I put myself here. My actions and decisions in life lead me here. I was weak and I allowed life to fuck me up. I have missed out on so much living. From age 16 to now it’s like I have been dead. Just a walking flesh. I pity my parents for having a son like me. But I resent them for just watching me become a car wreck. I don’t know if I have autism or adhd. Something is wrong with me. I have always felt different. I struggle with focusing on everything. Today I broke down in tears in my room. I feel anger, bitter and broken. I hate myself tbh. I have no purpose. I have reached my breaking point. Rock bottom. 27 years of rubbish. I don’t think I will ever be happy. I am not 18 or 21 it’s too late for me to get my life together. I can’t sleep at night and wake up with panic attacks because of how life has turned out. Writing this with tears as a grown man because I so desperately want out of my situation but I don’t know how….

I've been to 3 Chiropractors since 2022 (never doing that shit again lmao) but anyways, my neck and back has always kind of hurt a bit but in 2021 when I was getting out of the military (2021, i'm 22 now, medical reasoning is why I only did a year) and they would let me see a chiropractor, go figure. but one day in 2022 I was lifting tempored glass windows by myself at a job, didn't have a choice unless I didn't want a job, and when I went to lift another one like normal I got an insane amount of pain in my neck and back. my back has stage 2 disc degeneration and at the time I had 9 subluxations in my neck but now who knows lol. just out of curiosity and this is probably a stupid question, but would I need surgery to fix this shit or could it POSSIBLY be worked out with nonsurgical methods? I'm not asking for real or professional recommendations but just on what people know and have experienced, do you think I would need surgery? for further context, my C6-C7 is like pushed out of place and I can feel them both by touching my neck and it's always in excruciating pain, numb as shit or both.

Ok, so im really big on not letting the pain do the talking. Firm belief that the people around me deserve as much respect as I do. I try to choose kindness in every aspect of my life. Today I failed.
Also would like to include that year 2018 I was confined to a wheelchair.
I had to get an MRI today on my right ankle. I have already have had 4 surgeries and my ankle is full of cement and screws. So therefore standing is really painful.
So I get there and as Im checking in I start to scope out where Im gonna sit. I notice two ladies in wheelchairs blocking the available empty seats. So now Im done checking in and start walking towards the chairs. I notice one seat that is only half blocked by one of the ladies in a wheelchair. There is a lady on the other side of this only half blocked seat looking at me with the look. You know that look when someone doesn't want you to sit next to them. I continue on and say "Im sorry I need to sit." The lady not in the wheelchair is staring me down like Im an idiot. Who knows maybe I am...meantime wheelchair made me maneuver myself behind her wheelchair.
Now I have been in a wheelchair and know it's not hard to move out of the way. Seriously 6 inches so I could sit with my feet in front of me. I will also say I never blocked seating in a medical office. There was plenty of space in the room as for them to not block the seats. This woman's stared at me like I just slapped her puppy. So I looked her dead in the eyes and said "Sorry I didn't have the option to bring my own seat."
As soon as I said it I felt awful. I just wanted to sit down. Ya know? Maybe I should have brought my cane with me?Maybe that would have spoke for me.Im tired of people not having consideration. I get it..I didn't look like someone with disabilities and chronic pain. But y'all, isn't it just common courtesy not to block seats? Am I am awful person for saying that to someone in a wheelchair?
I have so much pain in this body..this body that looks normal on the outside. It took me years before a doctor said the majic words. My doctor said he believes me, my doctor said he will help and he is. Life still suck though but I no longer spend my days thinking of ending it.
Well If you read this I just needed to vent.

31(f) sorry if this is long winded, I’m just like wtf. I was feeling off last week and had a weird pain in my urethra but I just brushed it off cause I have a history of kidney stones and it felt like maybe I had just passed one. A day later I notice a very sensitive sore on my labia minors so I went to the urgent care (couldn’t get into my normal dr for TWO MONTHS 💀) and the dr took a look at it and told me he had no idea what it was but took a swab of it to test for a multitude of things. I was feeling absolutely awful yesterday. fever of 102.4, chills, body aches, etc so I just knew that I had herpes, I had a hunch from the beginning but all the symptoms were there. Got a call yesterday afternoon to confirm that I do indeed had HSV2 and on top of it BV 🫠 They gave me an antibiotic for the BV but said nothing about the herpes. This is by far one of the most painful and uncomfortable things I have ever gone through. I’m only on day 6 (I believe) and it just keeps getting worse. The internet says it can be brought on by stress, among other things. I just had my second child almost 5 months ago and having a baby is obviously stressful and I also have an almost 11 year old boy (wow, did I mention having kids is stressful?) I have been with my husband for 2 years now and my partner before that for over 5 years. Could I have had it for literal years and not known about it? I am probably one of the most stressed out humans (thank you anxiety) and have had shingles twice… the last time just back in September while I was pregnant. So is this outbreak because I’m stressed? Hormonal drop after having a baby? My husband has never experienced any symptoms of hsv and before we got together he got sti screened for everything besides herpes cause I guess it’s not one they test for unless there is symptoms? He has not cheated nor have I. So why now all of the sudden am I having my first outbreak. And wow wtf is it THIS TERRIBLE. I literally want to cry every single time I pee. And I can only take so many baths a day to ease the pain.
Okay now the reason for this post 1. Have any other women experienced this? 2. Should I be worried about breastfeeding? 3. How long will it hurt and when will the blisters stop forming? 4. Should I call my OB and make a follow up appointment? The urgent care literally didn’t do anything for me except tell me I have it 5. Should I expect to feel this shitty anytime I have an outbreak 6. Please give me any and all tips and tricks to managing this PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE
I’m obviously pretty upset that that is happening, but with my husband being so sweet and supporting I know I’ll come out of this okay. I just wish it didn’t feel like my entire world is messed up right now.

i have recently been experiencing health issues that no doctor can figure out/help with. i have been trying everything. for 7 months. does anyone have experience with this? it’s extremely painful (nerve pain) and manifests in my throat, ears, neck, chest and head. I feel like now that no docs have been able to help, it may be a place for magic. there is a girl who threatened to hex me years ago and actually assaulted me on the street last year. i’m wondering if she could have anything to do with it. it all began after i had a wisdom tooth surgery, it seems like i was in a weak vulnerable place and this all began. It’s been rough. i’ve smoked weed since i was young for ptsd and i can’t use cannabis at all (even edibles) anymore because it flares me so bad. i believe in manifestation and that i can heal this mystery illness. any advice, ideas as to what could be happening, or spells/success stories of healing are appreciated. Blessings🤍🤍🤍

Hi all,
I have about 25 days of sick leave + vacation + holidays (until now, as they accumulate with work hours) 18 of which I want to use to take care of some medical ailments. I basically have an infection on a prior surgery area, so the tissues have to be removed now, and then I’ll be monitored outpatient for 3-4 days. The surgery itself isn’t too time consuming, and I should be released to go home the same day.
I have however lined up several appointments, PMD, Neurologist, ENT, Orthopedist, Gynecologist, and Ophthalmologist appointments in the remaining 10 days because I have been having a lot of random health issues over the past few months that may be connected: severe migraines, body aches, severe nausea and other gastrointestinal issues, some vision impairment, and severely trembling hands. I did not tell my employer the details of my health conditions but only mentioned that it was in order to manage my health conditions.
Can they force me to apply for disability leave? HR seemed to strongly (a little too strongly really) want me to make use of disability benefits but a) I don’t think I can handle the paperwork alongside my appointments and b) I have enough PTO already, so I want to use it and keep it simple and c) I don’t want to have a disability incident registered with my firm. My PTO grows to at least 35 days usually because of the hours I work and last year I didn’t use a lot of them, anyway (they don’t roll over), so I couldn’t understand why they didn’t just want to me to use those.
Would love to understand this better - thank you for your help!

I wasn't planning on watching Thrice Upon A Time. I had not liked the previous films and they seemed like a very inferior product compared to the original anime. However, the good reviews and opinions I saw about it encouraged me to do so. I did it with as open and tolerant a mind as possible, knowing that there was a good chance I wouldn't like the film. "What's the worst that could happen? That I don't like it and continue to prefer the original series? At least I'll be entertained for two and a half hours," I thought. What I did not expect at all is the deep feeling of disgust and repulsion that this film provoked in me, in a way that no other film has provoked in years.
I hated the movie from start to finish. I could spend hours talking about the boring action sequences, about its ugly, excessive CGI that ruins the already ugly mecha, about its disgusting hypersexualization of fucking 14-year-old girls, about how Misato's plans don't make sense, about how Last Kiss almost made me tear my ears off, or its plot full of Deus Ex Machinas with concepts conveniently taken by Hideaki Anno from the place that his last name suggests; but the real reason I'm writing this is because I feel like these movies spit on everything the excellent original work represents.
Not only because as adaptations they fail miserably, but also because they retroactively damage the original work (we'll talk about that later).
Before I begin to explain why the rebuilds are bad adaptations, I want to warn that I am going to do a relatively exhaustive review of the 4 films, so this rant is going to be very long, like staying up late on a winter night with chronic insomnia. That said, let's start to see the reasons:
WHAT IS NEON GENESIS EVANGELION?:
To understand why rebuilds fail as remakes, I must first ask you, dear reader: What does Neon Genesis Evangelion mean to you? (it should at least be familiar to you, unless you've spent your life under a bridge) What do you think about when you read that title, apart from Shinji fucking in front of a comatose Asuka? What comes to mind when you hear the most famous opening in anime history, apart from Shinji strangling the otter against Happy Thursday's throat? (in more ways than one). If your answer is: "It's a mecha anime for emos with a coomer protagonist", that's fine, I respect that; but please press the red "X" in the top right corner of your screen, you can now leave.
Now, I'm going to get serious and explain my definition: Evangelion is a work about the hedgehog's dilemma and the difficulties of forming emotional bonds that human beings have, as well as the consequences of trying to separate from them for fear of rejection. It is not a story about heroes. It's not a story about saving the world. In Evangelion there are neither heroes nor villains, but rather a group of emotionally broken characters trying to be happy in a world just as broken as them. The real enemy of Evangelion is not the angels. It is the lack of communication and empathy.
https://es.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dilema_del_erizo
It is that same lack of communication and empathy that progressively causes everything to go to hell to conclude with a cathartic and bleak ending, but consistent with the themes of the work. It is therefore an existentialist work about human relationships disguised as a mecha anime. This, added to a unique visual style, daring direction, and mechas like never before seen on television, made Evangelion one of the most influential anime in all of history, as well as a true commercial success for Gainax Studio. Success that encouraged other studios to carry out projects such as Cowboy Bebop or Serial Experiment Lain, taking anime towards a new golden age.
Even today you can hear the echoes of that Third Impact of End of Evangelion in 1997. The list of works influenced by Evangelion both inside and outside of Japan is endless. Of course, it is not a perfect work, nor extensive in errors: its target audience is ambiguous, many of the biblical references are more for decoration than anything else, and several aspects of the ending(s) could have been explained better. However, many of these errors can be attributed to a lack of time and budget during the production of the original anime (which was quite chaotic and improvised); therefore, they are understandable and forgivable.
In summary, we can conclude that Evangelion is a dark, introspective, provocative and unique work (at least at its time). This is also combined with a unique visual identity and complex characters whose relationships intertwine and interconnect throughout the work. The sum of all these factors is what led Evangelion to be such a critically acclaimed work that it transcended its own genre and became an icon of popular culture. And this in turn constitutes the biggest mistake of rebuilds; because they commit the biggest sin that an adaptation can commit: denying everything that made the original work great.
ADAPTING WITHOUT A CLEAR PURPOSE:
One of the biggest problems with these remakes (as well as a clear example of what I'm saying) is their total narrative inconsistency. Let me explain: the first rebuilds movie (1.11) is a literal copy-paste of the first 6 chapters of the original anime, with practically the same scenes, dialogues and even music. This makes the film completely redundant and unnecessary (and makes one wonder why it exists); But in any case, the message is being conveyed that the purpose of these remakes is to adapt the original series as faithfully as possible to the cinema with a current animation style.
However, the second movie (2.22) is a... something. A pastiche of new and old things where the plot broadly follows that of the original anime, but with many things changed (of course, for the worse) and a different ending. All this compressing no less than 14 chapters of the original anime into two and a half hours. Here the message that one can infer is that it seeks to adapt the original story (very briefly) by changing and rearranging certain elements, now more in line with what an adaptation is.
However, then we get to 3.33 and... well, after a 14-year because reasons timeskip, we're now in a post-post-apocalyptic world (repetition intended) where ex-Nerv members fight against Nerv itself. Nerv in giant spaceships, there are mechas everywhere, Misato is a sociopath, and Shinji and Asuka still look exactly the same because "DAMN JEBA." Here we can infer that what is sought is to create a totally new story and take it in different directions than the original. The following movie (3.0+1.01) is the only one that is consistent with this purpose.
Whether all these narrative pirouettes were planned in advance or not (clearly not), we can see that there is a clear incongruity between what is intended to be done and what is finally done. All of this generates a strong narrative chaos where the elements and themes of the original anime are mixed with the new ones, creating a total inconsistency. Since also in 3.0+1.01 it is revealed (unfortunately to me) that everything is part of the same universe and this is not really a remake, the excuse of "they are different universes, they don't have to be the same" doesn't work either.
In fact, one thing that you will see me comment a lot throughout this article is the lack of narrative consistency of these remakes, especially in comparison to the original work.
A HEDGEHOG WITHOUT TICKS:
No character in Evangelion better embodies the central theme of the work than Shinji Ikari, its own protagonist. Shinji is not a hero: he is not brave. He is not a genius. He is not charismatic. He is not selfless. He doesn't want to save the world. His reason for piloting the Eva is to gain recognition and appreciation from others; especially from his father, whom he hates, but at the same time admires; He feels that she despises him, but he also wants (and needs) that she loves him. Shinji spends the entire series in the dilemma between escaping from what hurts him (classic avoidance behavior) or accepting it and moving on, even at the risk of being hurt again.
This theme is rock solid throughout the entire original series: from the first to the last chapter of the anime, and from minute one to the very end of End of Evangelion. Even the opening itself makes several visual references to Shinji's hedgehog dilemma. This can make Shinji an infuriating character for audiences accustomed to typical anime protagonists; but it's those same things that make Shinji such a unique and special character. He deconstructs and subverts the hero's journey. And it's not as if this hinders the plot: Shinji is not proactive, but he also does not spend the series crying, as many often claim.
https://files.catbox.moe/eolho0.mp4
https://es.wikipedia.org/wiki/Monomito
And as you may already be imagining, the Shinji of the rebuilds does not have a hedgehog's dilemma. Or rather, he has it, but only during the first movie (copy-paste of the original anime) and part of the second. This is a problem, because it creates a strong narrative inconsistency (again) where it seems that two Shinjis exist at the same time or that this one is bipolar. As of 3.33, Shinji's entire character arc is based on trying to redeem himself for his past mistakes first by unleashing "Almost Third Impact" (what a stupid name) and subsequently preventing Kaworu's death while trying to right said mistake.
Is this a bad thing? Not necessarily. The problem is that I have already seen the arc of the hero who fails to eventually rise up and succeed in 100 trillion works, while the hedgehog's dilemma in none more than in Evangelion (at least in my case). Which makes Shinji a much less interesting character. Some might argue that in 3.0 + 1.01 Shinji does have such a dilemma because he spends half the movie crawling on the ground; but there is not a hedgehog's dilemma, but rather depression for having seen Kaworu's head go KAWOOM (I know, the joke was very bad, but if he didn't do it, I would explode too).
End of Evangelion's Shinji did have such a dilemma because the reason for his depression was having been manipulated and used by someone he had previously opened up to and then forced to kill him, not for failing in his mission (in fact, he was very efficient in her mission to separate Kaworu's head from her body), which in turn brings sexual (and later, deadly) results for Asuka. I insist: narrative consistency. But this is not the worst: the worst thing is that at certain moments in these films, Shinji becomes the typical shonen savior hero, betraying the central point of his character in the original series.
https://youtu.be/E-x-f2OrWeA
A perfect example of this is the ending of 2.22, where the fight in chapter 19 (COINCENTLY from where the original anime starts to get more introspective) is transformed into a ridiculous shipping attempt, with Rei turned into a damsel in distress and Shinji into a savior hero while spouting all the typical cliché lines, topped off with a disgustingly cheesy ending. But of course, how could it end otherwise? With Shinji's Eva practicing cannibalism on Zeruel's corpse (the original scene)? Too disturbing for current times. Shinji and Rei fighting as a team to defeat him? Yes of course. Rei has enough not being in the kitchen. Besides, Asuka already takes care of that, hoping to receive her alpha male's cock as a reward.
https://youtu.be/TPS0Uk0TkP0
Because, like any good modern anime protagonist, Shinji now has a harem.
FETISHING WITHOUT CONTROL:
Of all the characters who are now part of Shinji's harem, the one who is most harmed by this is Rei (Asuka's case is different, and the other character is an infernal creation from Anno's sick mind). Not only because acting like a bitch in heat goes totally against her personality and because of the murky situation, considering that she is a clone of Shinji's mother, but also because her character is reduced to a mere fetish object that does things cute to produce tenderness in the viewer and make coomers buy their figurines.
Rei is an interesting character because he raises numerous existential questions based on the ship of Theseus paradox: the concept of identity, to what extent we can consider ourselves still ourselves, the construction and definition of a "self", etc. But here, her screen time piloting her Unit 00 is minimal (COINCENTLY most of it in 1.11) and her exploits are practically irrelevant or non-existent, also being reduced to a mere damsel in distress at the end of 2.22, as I said before.
https://es.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paradoja_de_Teseo
In 3.0+1.01 he doesn't even get to pilot an Eva. Her role in the film is to cause pity and produce tenderness with her total ignorance (I see that the idiot Anno forgot that all the Reis are born with basic knowledge) while she is seen with different hairstyles, different outfits, working as a farmer, taking care of a baby, etc. In short, a fetish object where she wants the public to value her for how "moe" she is instead of for her abilities or as a character. In Anno's mind, feminism advances in reverse. Ironic, considering that it was precisely Rei who unintentionally started the moe culture.
Of course, it goes without saying that Rei is not the only one who suffers from this extreme fetishization of her character in these films. Under the excuse of paying homage to End of Evangelion, Asuka now always wears an eye patch (needless to say it has nothing to do with having been injured there), a cap with cat ears, in addition to having a very convenient trend for the coomer public of walking naked and semi-naked through other people's houses. She sometimes puts on the plugsuit, but near the end of the movie, it is conveniently torn off, lest we forget that this is made by the Japanese.
One of the best examples of how this hareminication has destroyed the main female characters is in the elevator scene. In the original anime, Rei tries to advise Asuka in a time of particular vulnerability and depression. Rei's limited social skills, coupled with Asuka being Asuka, cause her to misinterpret the attempt to help as mockery and an act of condescension, triggering a slap from her towards Rei and a worsening of her already strained relationship and Asuka's mental state. Rei doesn't fight back because she knows that doing so would only make things even worse.
It is an excellent dramatic scene because it once again brings to the foreground the hedgehog's dilemma and the difficulties between human relationships, very much in line with what Evangelion is. In 2.22, this scene is gratuitously introduced and turned into two horny bitches fighting over which of the two will let their alpha male penetrate first, with a highly OC Rei stopping the assault attempt in a 100% gangsta way to make her see more "cool." The scene doesn't even make plot sense, because Asuka at that moment is not even depressed, and in the original anime this occurs at a much later time under a very different context.
and speaking of asuka...
SOMEONE CALLED ASUKA:
When I started watching these movies, I was afraid that Asuka's character had undergone modifications to make her more "palatable" to new audiences. What took me completely by surprise was how radically different this Asuka is from the original. So different that they can't even be considered the same character. To show it very clearly, we are going to review the personality of both:
Asuka from the original anime: An energetic and outgoing half-German, half-Japanese girl (actually it's 1/4, but who cares) who loves to be the center of attention and have everyone praise her due to the lack of parental love received during her childhood having been abandoned by her father and supplanted by her mother, who suffered from severe mental disorders. She is extremely proud and competitive because she feels that being Eva's pilot is the only thing that gives her an identity and purpose, which makes her tend to become quickly frustrated when things don't go her way and become defensive when she feels like she is being outmaneuvered. . He loves to make fun of others (especially Shinji), to the point of being cruel at times, but he does not do it out of malice, but rather to compensate for his enormous inferiority complex due to the rejection suffered by his mother and having witnessed her. committed suicide (and possibly even tried to kill her) the day she was chosen as Eva's pilot and came running to wish her a Happy Thursday. She admires Kaji and wants to fuck him because she hates her own adolescence, she needs to feel adult and independent due to suffering from a certain Electra complex for having lacked a true father figure during her childhood. She has a sweet and vulnerable nature, but she rarely expresses it to anyone except her best friend Hikari and I better stop this now because too much text.
Rebuild Asuka (hereinafter "Asuka"): A girl soldier created by Nerv as part of a series of clones who has always been alone and thinks she doesn't need anyone, although she secretly wishes to have a family. She hits and insults others for no reason, she yells a lot, never smiles or makes jokes, and hates socializing with others, which doesn't stop her from looking for Shinji's dick within 2 days of meeting him. She always plays video games while someone is talking to her and at night she talks to herself with a doll like an autistic person.
As we can see, these two characters not only look nothing alike: several of their traits directly contradict each other. Because they look alike, they are not even alike in aesthetics: the original Asuka had red hair and dressed in the traditional feminine way, while "Asuka" is light brown and dresses in a tomboy style (which I'm not saying is wrong, I'm just commenting to show the radical difference). It's not that they have changed Asuka: it's that they have directly murdered her to supplant her by someone with whom she only shares her first name (not even her last name). And needless to say, the change has been VERY for the worse.
To describe the first character, I had to spend 15 damn lines, and even then I had to leave out many important facets of his personality, his development in the original series and his entire character arc in EoE, because if I didn't have one endless bible For the second, 6 lines were enough for me, and I could have had more left over if I had been more concise. The first character is a complex and three-dimensional character, with multiple facets, edges and layers. She feels like a real person. The second character is a generic tsundere that you can find in any mecha anime of the week. She is not even comparable to the first; She's not even a good character.
We cannot speak of Flanderization because not even the most basic traits of the character have been respected. Nor can we speak of a deconstruction because that same absence of basic traits means that there is no character construction on which to stand in the first place. Obviously, this change greatly resents the interactions between characters: the original Asuka was a charismatic and fun character with the ability to drive the plot on her own (as soon as she appears in chapter 8 of the original anime she is already changing the entire dynamic between characters) , while "Asuka" is mostly only in the background or to fight; He doesn't even have a character arc as such. In fact, in 2.22 he has even less screen time than several supporting characters.
His chemistry with Shinji is also non-existent (and I'm not just referring to the romantic level) and they barely have any development together. They like each other here because... ehhhh... she likes how he cooks and he thinks she's hot? It's not that the AsuShinji (or ShinSuka, or whatever the hell it's called) here is forced: it's just that it doesn't even make sense. The only reason people still ship them together is because they did it in the 90s. Yūko Miyamura's performance also feels very lackadaisical and lacks passion, which is quite unlike her. Although perhaps this is intentional, since her character always talks as if she has the spear of Longinus permanently stuck up her rectum. In fact, the few times she says her iconic "Anta baka?" This one feels very forced, in addition to not having her characteristic high-pitched tone.
In short, the character has suffered the same fetishization as Rei (gamer girl, tomboy, one-eyed, etc.), but also with the aggravating factor that not even her basic characteristics have been respected here. This is especially disconcerting when we take into account that the rest of the characters have their original personalities more or less intact (albeit simplified). Even more disconcerting if we take into account that Asuka is possibly the most popular character in all of Evangelion, and even more so if we consider that she is Anno's favorite character (in fact, the initial idea was for Asuka to be the protagonist).
https://evaresources.wordpress.com/der-mond/
Given this, the inevitable question arises: "Why?" What was the point of turning Asuka into an inferior and tsundere copy of Rei, even more so when there are already three clones? It has always been rumored that Asuka is not popular in Japan, but that is completely false. The only semi-rational explanation I can think of is that they did it to please the haters. It's no secret that a portion within the Evangelion fandom (and outside of it) hates Asuka with a passion. They see her as someone toxic and cruel who dedicates herself to screwing others for no reason, without understanding that you don't have to like a well-written character.
https://imgur.com/a/KznXE1x
What these people fail to understand is that Asuka's verbal abuse is a defense mechanism to avoid opening up to others, since Asuka constantly says things that do not fit with what she really feels or thinks (clear proof is chapter 16 from the original series). It's not like it matters much, considering they were never more than an extremely vocal minority. That the character is so popular is proof of this. The great irony of all this is that the new "Asuka" is a much more unpleasant and detestable character than the original, since she lacks the redeemable qualities of the original and her moments of comic relief.
And if until now I have been more or less benevolent with this remake, this is something I cannot forgive: because changing a character just because a group of people doesn't like it is one of the most cowardly and pathetic acts in the world. that a writer can fall. The fact that this was also at the expense of one of the best female characters in the history of anime and with a wonderful story arc makes it even more bloody. Any other halfway competent writer would have responded with this.
https://youtu.be/5Js0ea6yPKM
...although if we go by Ockham's razor, the most likely explanation is simply that Hideaki Anno is mentally retarded.
A CHARACTER TO DESTROY A FRANCHISE AND BIND IT TO DARKNESS:
Mari Makinami Illustrious A.K.A María Iskariote (what an appropriate last name) is one of the worst creations ever made by humans. Not since the atomic bombs has humanity created something so horrible. Worse than the holocaust. Worse than fascism. Worse than Facebook memes. Worse than stepping on a lego. I would even dare to say that it is worse than pizza with pineapple. No character better reflects Anno's mental decline or better embodies all the problems of the current anime industry than this trash.
This character contributes absolutely nothing to the plot, he does not contribute at any time to its advancement, he lacks his own development or story, he does absolutely nothing relevant in the 3 films in which he appears, and he does not even have a defined personality. So much so, that all of her scenes could be eliminated or replaced by any other character and she would barely affect the plot, or not affect it at all.
The character is so frighteningly one-dimensional that she doesn't even show different emotions or moods during the three films in which she appears, always being perpetually happy and carefree even in tense situations for literally no reason. This leads to moments as surreal as her starting to sing and hum in scenes that are intended to be serious or dramatic (or so I think; perhaps what they wanted was to turn this into an unintentional comedy), again generating a gigantic narrative dissonance. The last third of 3.33 is the best example of this.
But that's not the worst: this character is clearly made for otaku coomers to masturbate to. She has almost every fetish possible: glasses/lenses (whatever they call it in your country), pigtails, miniskirt, schoolgirl, saying "nya", big tits, obsession with smell and tight outfits, etc. To make matters worse in 3.0 + 1.01 we discover that she is 48 years old, so we can also add the milf fetish. Evidently, her tits always bounce in her plugsuit (she would swear that never happened in the original series) and there are many close-ups of her ass. In addition to constantly making sexual advances towards Shinji, which also turns this piece of shit into a potential pedophile.
If the thing simply ended there, we could say that this character remains a mere annoying and unnecessary secondary character. Unfortunately, the character is also disruptive to the plot, occupying long filler scenes that do nothing more than waste time that is already scarce in a film, and that could have been used on something else more interesting; like Pen Pen watching TV, Pen Pen eating a sardine, etc. Without going any further, both 2.22, 3.33 and 3.0+1.01 begin with a long filler scene of her hitting on her. Well, to be honest, the 3.33 one is more Asuka, but this abortion is still out there fucking and singing.
It would not be an exaggeration to say that discussing why this character exists is much more interesting than any other debate that can be created about these films. I still think about it. However, the ending of 3.0+1.01 gives a good clue: the character was created solely and exclusively to stay with Shinji. I can only imagine that Anno made this tired of the fandom shipping and the arguments over who Shinji should stay with, so he decided to end the matter by creating his own ideal waifu with all the fetishes he likes in a woman to end it. with this. It's disgusting, but considering we're talking about a Japanese, totally possible.
It's surreal coming from the man who harshly criticized the use of anime as escapism and the excessive female objectification and sexualization in it, but it's the only semi-decent explanation I can think of. Basically, he is what is called a mascot character in literature. That would explain why this character never shows doubts, nor any kind of internal conflict, or why he is a better Eva pilot than Asuka and Rei themselves. It is also very revealing about the quality of the Rebuilds: creating a self-insert OC just to be the partner of the protagonist or another main character is the quintessential trait of all bad fanfiction.
However, among all this tsunami of disqualifications, I also have to say something positive: spending three movies giving hope to the shippers only to have Shinji be cuckolded simultaneously by Rei and Asuka in the last one and end up with a character with which had zero development (before 3.0+1.01 I didn't even know its name) is a true trolling masterclass, worthy of the best of ball pumpers. Only a true emperor of evil would have come up with such a twisted and at the same time perfect way to screw over a large part of the fandom. I give you my tens, Anno.
THE ANTI-UNIVERSE OF ANTI-NARRATIVE:
Of all the new concepts that Anno brings up at the last minute from the place named after his last name, none stands out more than the "anti-universe." Or, as I like to call it, the "anti-good writing." Basically because it perfectly represents all the problems of the rebuilds and their script. In the final stretch of 3.0+1.01 we have the last-minute revelation of a quantum plane of existence capable of turning imagined worlds into reality and changing this through Lilith, which cannot be understood by the human mind (wow, WHAT CONVENIENT!) and whose existence has never been mentioned or even hinted at in the entire franchise until CONCIDENTLY the aforementioned last third of the film.
In other words, a gigantic Deus Ex Machina created in an improvised way to avoid repeating End of Evangelion and forcing a happy ending where Shinji creates an ideal universe for each character (although that is questionable, as we will see later). And it is far from being the only one: the spear of Cassius, the Eva of Infinity, the key of Nebuchadnezzar, the Book of Life, and so on. None of these concepts are integrated into the plot in an organic and natural way, but rather they arise spontaneously at its convenience when it needs it. Except for the new "Super Berserker Mode" of the Evas, which is simply a power-up to sell figurines.
As I said before, if at least this were an alternate universe separate from the original anime, all this bombardment of concepts pulled out of the ass would be a little better justified. But the revelation that everything is a cycle and we are in the same universe as the original work only makes it even worse, generating countless inconsistencies about why they never mentioned this or never used that (what's the point of the seeds of life If you can create universes simply by imagining them?). Although without a doubt, the worst of all these new concepts is "the curse of Eve."
Here we have a new concept with very strong repercussions completely launched, which is not even an explanation in itself, it does not answer anything and to make matters worse, the same films contradict each other several times. Needless to say, this is a cheap excuse for the three main characters not to grow up and continue sexualizing 14-year-old girls after the most gratuitous timeskip ever seen. And speaking of timeskip, putting such a long one in the middle of the story is a first-time writing error. If you are writers, never do that: the bigger the time jump, the more things you will be forced to explain, since the less you do it, the more plot holes will form as a result.
And of course, here it explains little to nothing of what happened these 14 years. Like where Nerv got such a tremendous base from, if in 3.33 it seemed that together with Rei and Kaworu it was made up of four people. Or how they have gotten such an army of pseudo-Evas, especially when these are supposed to be extremely expensive (wow, and SEELE with all her unlimited resources was barely 9 in EoE). Or worse yet, how Kaji managed to stop Almost Third Impact (seriously, the name couldn't be stupider). None of these questions are answered at any time. Obviously because they can't do it.
Evangelion has always been characterized by leaving things up to the public's interpretation, but here I feel that they are vilely taking advantage of it so as not to have to give any kind of explanations. And in the case at hand, do not even pay attention to contradictions. Like Touji and Kensuke got on Unit 01 and that doesn't stop them from being 28 after the timeskip. Or that Mari appears to be 14 despite looking like an adult in Gendo's photos and flashbacks, plus the fact that Evas, by simple logic, could not exist back then.
The height of absurdity is when near the end of 3.0+1.01 the "unexpected" revelation occurs (actually we all saw it coming) that everything is a cycle and we are facing a reboot of the original timeline, of which only Kaworu seems to be conscious. He let them guess without giving them any clues how many times Kaworu mentioned or even hinted at such a thing in the original series. Needless to say, nothing is ever explained about it: Who created that cycle? (Adam? Lilith? The First Ancestral Race? Hideaki Anno's last name?) For what purpose? How does it work? How long does it last? Why is Kaworu the only one who remembers him? Do these remakes make sense?
THE DEATH OF A STYLE:
Fortress-cities folding in on themselves. Designs and constructions oscillating between the nineties, the utopian and the cyberpunk. Meshes of flesh and blood animated with the souls of the dead fighting with classical music in the background. A mysterious and ambiguous lore where aliens, technology and conspiracies mix with gnostic, cabalistic elements and the most esoteric aspects of Christianity (did the History Channel predict Evangelion?). Minimalist posters moving quickly between frames. Monochrome backgrounds flashing aggressively (bad luck if you were epileptic). So consistent with its themes that the A.T. fields themselves. They were an allegory of the hedgehog's dilemma (I'm not making this up, Kaworu himself says it in chapter 23).
https://imgur.com/a/2M0eDVK
The sum of all these factors is what allowed Evangelion to build an absolutely unique identity, the one that allowed people to say "hey, that's an Eva!". Starting in 3.33, all that is lost to disappear in 3.0+1.01 in favor of giant spaceships, mechanical mechas made of pure CGI, battles full of colored lights, multiverses and time loops. I'm not saying these elements are bad in and of themselves, but I've already seen a thousand mecha stories with these. For that, I start watching any of the versions of Gundam or Macross. I could also complain about the boring shots without audiovisual language and always using the same color palette, but to be fair, that is an endemic evil of current anime.
And like any bad remake, 3.0+1.01 can't help but pay homage to several scenes from the original work, completely failing to understand the point of said scenes. As an example, we have Ritsuko shooting Gendo for no reason other than to pay homage to End of Evangelion, ignoring that the context between both scenes is very different. Furthermore, here they never explain the relationship that exists between the two, so the scene makes no sense; especially for those who never saw the original series, who will also find mentions of facts that these films have never shown or bothered to explain.
Even worse is when they try to pay homage to the iconic battle between Asuka and the Eva Series. Not only because of the total absence of the graphic violence and choreography of the original, but because what makes that fight so remembered is its emotional component, since it is preceded by a narrative catharsis in which Asuka discovers that the Her mother's soul was always in Unit 02, in addition to being marked by the constant tension of knowing if she will be able to finish the fight before the Eva's energy supply runs out. Here the Evas never run out of energy (why do they need the power supply, then?), so there is no such tension.
In the original fight Asuka may not be shooting 1387945 Evas with a super cannon larger than her as she falls through an... interdimensional hole?; But there you feel every blow, you can appreciate every movement in detail, and the dramatic tension in crescendo only improves the result. If this were a shonen, the logical thing is that Asuka would win. After all, her character arc has been wrapped up in a climactic way. Unfortunately, this is Evangelion. When the Evas Series manage to cause a mortal wound with the pseudo-spear of Longinus and the energy counter reads zero, the outcome is already decided. What happens next is horrific (Asuka's enemies are cruel to her even after she is dead), and just as horrifying are Yūko Miyamura's screams and Miki Nagasawa's performance as Maya announcing that Asuka is dead. In the Rebuilds there are no performances anywhere near that level.
End of Evangelion will be as dark and uncomfortable to watch as you want, but it is a film where all those responsible put their souls into achieving the best possible result, both on a technical and artistic level.
and well, I think that for today I have already downloaded too much, an apology for the large amount of text, I will make a second part at another time because I have so many things to comment on... anyway, I hope you have a good day/afternoon/night or when you read this .

Hello! I (31f) really want a tummy tuck. I am 5’8. My highest weight was 350 and I am down to and stuck at 270. I have a lot of excess stomach skin, under arm, and body skin for years. My stomach skin gets in the way of some work outs and greatly effects my life . I don’t know if I’ve just been super unlucky but I’m having a very hard time finding a doctor who will perform surgery on me due to my high BMI. I have contacted probably 8-10 plastic surgery providers across a few states and I always get the standard BMI response. Keep up the good work but let me know when your BMI is under blah blah. Or suggesting ozempic (not an option for me right now). I understand the risks of surgery at my size. I really do. I just do not think I will be able to lose anymore weight until I lose the skin etc that’s holiding me back. I had one doctor previously estimate the weight of my excess skin at around 30lbs just to give an idea. Since I don’t feel comfortable posting photos.
Can anyone recommend a plus-size friendly/high BMI reputable tummy tuck surgeon? I am located in Pacific Northwest but I will travel if I need to. I really appreciate any and all help 💗

I was in a relationship for 2 years. First year was long distance, second year she transferred schools because of me. I thought we were locked in due to that but by end of first quarter we were over. I’m now in the third quarter and every quarter we have broken up and this quarter we have fr removed each other off everything and actually finished the relationship. First quarter we got back and then second quarter we broke up and got back. Then beginning of third quarter ended fr never got back and that’s where I am today.
It was my fault we ended this last time this quarter, I had snapped due to her trying to friend zone me, even though she didn’t mean it. After that she instantly started hanging with other guys so I had to block her and I see her everywhere at school, but I have to ignore her. After 7 weeks being broken up 4 weeks no contact at all she is blocked on everything, she came up to me at school. She asked me to talk later in private.
After we broke up we met twice and both times I wrote her letters, expressed I was so sorry and I still loved her. Then we went one month no contact, I met up with her again 2 days ago and she completely shat on my body. Saying I’m a stick and small, however, instead of the old me, I reacted by telling her she’s beautiful. She started crying, I could tell she put on a decent amount of weight and I genuinely felt bad for her.
I am 180lbs 6’2 gym twice a day, I know I’m in insane shape. I had called her fat when we broke up and I apologized so much but it just hurt to see that after numerous amounts of attempts to apologize, she still had anger for me. Before meeting up this last time I asked if she was mad at me, she said no. Once we met up she acted all chill, then snapped. She was mad I don’t say hi to her at school, that she hears rumors I call her fat (which I fr don’t go around saying), and that she claims she moved on super fast because I was so mean.
I know calling a woman fat is never ok but I was on my hands and knees sincerely apologizing for months. It was my reactions to her actions, not justifying but it’s the truth. I still love her and I wish I could have her back but I understand it’s the consequences of my own actions. It was just a weird feeling to be so down bad for someone who has changed so much. She was genuinely my best friend and the most beautiful girl ever, but so much changed in such a little time.
I gym twice a day, study 1 hour a day minimum, hike with my dog almost daily, pray 5 times a day, bought a second car (my dream car), and became so social and well known in just 7 weeeks. I used my time of pain to work on myself and I feel she used it just hating on me.
I wish things could be different but here we are today. Idk what guys she’s been with and what she does with her life, and that’s ok because she doesn’t owe me that, but I miss how it used to be.
Thanks for listening to my rant, I’m not perfect myself I know I did a lot of wrong, but I never put anyone through this pain. I wish my best friend still existed. Best 2 years of my life.

My dudes, my body has been doing the strangest stuff in the past two weeks. At the end of April early may I did give plasma three times, not sure if this had anything to do with it. But around Sunday of last week, I caught a headcold, that only showed symptoms of extreme hay fever that I get every year. I thought my Allegra D had worn off. Now this week, starting Saturday morning I woke up with a migraine. I have GERD so I cant take ibuprofen or it will hurt. So I took some Tylenol and alieve, and (I think) it caused my stomach to feel very sore. Then two days later my back muscles are sore with my migraine that hurts so much when I bend over or change from standing to laying down. I have been taking magnesium, copious amounts of cbd and thc, I've tried caffine(green tea), I haven't tried turmeric because it usually upsets my GERD, and circumin isolated is expensive so I havent tried that either. Maybe I need to just buy some butterbur and circumin and hope I can make rent, because I have to go to work tomorrow :( Any thoughts?

I weighed myself a little while ago and I admit I was not happy with it. It kind of shocked me into making a change. I've been just kind of low-level sick for months and months, which is really not usual for me, I usually bounce back in a week's time.
I honestly think it's because I've been eating a lot of non-nutritious foods. I got out of the hospital and just comfort ate all of my feelings. I have been living off deep fried foods, crisps, sweets, fizzy drinks, and takeout and stuff for months, of course my body isn't feeling its best.
Today for dinner I cut up loads of veggies and ate a delicious salad. I ate garlic bread, breaded chicken, and a salad with a big variety of veggies in it, with a bit of dressing and chilli oil. I didn't neglect my food groups and try to cut out all things.
I really want to feel happy for fuelling my body with nutritious foods. But I just don't. I feel kind of queasy because I plugged it into a calorie tracker and I feel very guilty. Honestly, it wouldn't have been so much over if I hadn't gotten drunk last night and had an extra meal on top of a normal intake.
And I had that extra meal because I ate a tiny salad for dinner the night before, and woke up at 5am so hungry I couldn't stand it. I don't want to starve myself but I also don't want to be the weight I am. I don't know if I'm actually hungry again now, or just fixating on food because I feel guilty, honestly.
I guess I'll keep eating nutritious foods and trying to have a better balanced diet, and I've gotten back to swimming, which does make me feel better. But it's also weird because my motivation to do exercise is inextricably tangled with my relationship to my weight and body.
My parents make little passing comments about my body. Chubby. Fatty bum bum. They laugh at me a bit. Or point out what I'm eating: "You just had a massive portion of rice and beef stroganoff, and you're still hungry for fried wontons? Wow! Are you in your growing stage?" Whatever.
I know objectively I'm not big (not that there's anything wrong with being big, but I'm just... average-sized, I guess), and they know I'm not big, but my feelings are kind of hurt. I'm kind of jabbed by those sentiments.
I don't want to be the way that I am, but I am.
I am kind of wondering if I should just say fuck it and binge on cream cheese and Doritos. Instead I'll sit here and sip my green tea and go to bed, I guess.

After the great scattering and the unification of Terra and the Sol system. The Emperor ventured out to conquer the galaxy and search for his Primarchs. During this great crusade many Primarchs were found, and despite some setbacks, reunited with their legions. His Primarchs were tasked with the further unification and subjugation of the fragmented remnants of humanity throughout the stars. In this they were told to keep a lookout for their fellow creations. Some Primarchs like Vulkania, Hathor and Sanguinia were devoting great efforts to find and rescue their lost Sisters while the more coldly pragmatic ones like Ferra, Perturaba and Ellanor treated this task as more of a chore with the expectation of unearthing a new weapon for the war effort. So in Year 888 of M 30 of the imperial standard calendar the blood angels legion and their primarch Sanguinia were carrying out the expansion efforts in the borderzone of the growing ultramar exclave. As it happened they came across a civilized human world, that its residence called Nuceria. Sanguinia, ever the charming diplomat, had first contact messages sent out on all possible vox channels and frequencies and even utilizing communication methods from the dark age of technologie in hopes of reaching the planetary authorities. After managing to establish a reliable method of communication she scheduled plans to send an envoy for a planetary landing and subsequent negotiations about the integration into the imperium. As they were loading up the landing crafts with gifts and weapons and diplomats and space marines, Sanguinia was walking across the main hangar bay of the Red Tear. Looking left and right over all the busy people, her wings swaying in the breeze of the air conditioning. At the end of the hangar hall she saw admiral Ares DuCade hurrying towards her with his entourage. She took a moment to stand still and look at him coming, her moment of peace would soon be over.
“There you are my lord, I have been looking for you all morning! You weren’t on the flight deck, you weren’t on the command deck nor on the Bridge nor in your personal quarters and not even on the observation deck could I find you. Landing group alpha primus were worried to terra and back, that their main asset wouldn’t show up in time for take off. First officer Morel almost cried at the thought of having lost a Primarch! Just what in the Imperiums name has possessed you to roam the lower bowes of the ship!” Sanguinia smiled and laughed: “Oh I just wanted to ensure that the ensins and marines of objective group two and three were well rested. I know they don’t mind doing the less glamorous security work but I don’t want them to feel left out just because they couldn’t take part in the parade today.” DuCarde sighed: “Please at least tell your personal security detail before going on such an unscheduled escapade”. He looked at his Primarch, then blushed and looked away. “But thank you for caring about the men”, he couldn’t stay mad at her, not with that smile. “Well then, let us proceed, before we cause a delay, If we go now we should just about make it in time”, Sanguinia winked at him and led the way.
As predicted the transport shuttles departed just in time and the descent to Nuceria was smooth and without issue. Group primus would head down towards the capitol and land just outside in a spectacular flight show before parading into the city where they would engage in the negotiations. Sanguinia knew the importance of making powerful and benevolent first impressions. Group secundus and tertius would make a less impressive descent and position themselves near the military, logistics and communications centers, just in case the talks went sour or the planetary authority would try to pull a fast one on the Legion. But so far everything went to plan, they were almost at the main square, their diplomats had engaged the planetary politicians and even though her personal honor guard was tense, looking for danger around every corner, Sanguinia made a calm and relaxed impression. She had to make a conscious effort for this impression but she knew as soon as this was done she could return to her beloved little dove and spend with them the time that was otherwise allocated for the conquest of this planet. The Desh’ean nobility welcomed Sanguinia and one man stepped forward and introduced himself as lord Thal’kr, leader of the ruling clan. His pompous attitude suggested he saw himself as an equal to Sanguinia, from one lord to another, this was a nuisance that she would just have to deal with. Usually putting pretentious mortals in their place wasn’t an issue for any primarch and she could do it tactfully too, but something about this seemed to give the red angel a headache. Regardless they followed the planetary customs to the necessary degree and were soon invited to a spectacle in the colosseum. Sanguinia, her honor guard, her remembrancer and various other guests were placed in the royal lounge with servants, wine and a grandiose view over the arena. While she was half heartedly listening to the japping of lord Thal’kr her gaze glanced over the rest of the stadium. It was packed. Bread and games seemed to keep the populous obedient. Her headache was still not going away. It was a weird feeling, not even her prescience would allow her to divine what it was. She tried to direct her focus back to what the noble was saying. “...So anyway we have this great gladiator, basically a giant, and the best part is, She’s basically indestructible. Any wound and any torment we inflict on her she recovers from. The populus loves her, especially when we have her fight great beasts like mammoths and nucerian mountain lions. But personally I think her best performance was when we had her fight alongside her adoptive father in an impossible fight, and then when they survived, we told them to kill each other! HAHAHAHA.” The laughter of the fat, opulent tyrant made Sanguinia want to cringe and turn away, but something told her to pay attention. Sanguinia became envious of her bodyguards, for they had helmets behind which they could hide their disgust. This man's ruling ethics could not have been further apart from her own. She tries to distract herself by looking at the faces of the other attendance. To her dismay the only other local that seemed to find anything wrong with this story was a young mortal standing by the balcony and holding a bouquet of flowers. Lord Thal’kr seemed to notice. "Oh? Do you fancy the little one? They are one of my Children. I’ll introduce you.” He turned and called out: “Hei Yarrow come here and give the nice lady the courtesy will you?” The young mortal hurried over, almost tripping over their light robes. They stood in front of the red angel and bowed deeply; clearly they had been raised to be polite and respectful in anticipation for a marriage alliance. “H-hello your highness my name is Yarrow, I’m blessed to meet you,” they blushed but stayed composed even in the presence of someone as intimidating as a primarch. “Come on little one be nice and subservient and maybe the lady will take you away and show you the stars beyond our world,” the tyrant laughed, “what were you doing over there by the balcony anyway? You weren’t thinking any bad thoughts about the gladiators again were you?” “Ah n-no father. Of course not.” “That’s still ‘my lord’ to you.” He shooed young Yarrow away. “Anyway, where was I? Ah yes, And then they thought they could be slick by refusing to fight each other, but we won’t be defied that easily, so we pumped her full of stimulants and had neural-anti cognitors placed in her head. Oh you should’ve seen her then, ripped her father apart like a squealing rabbit. And how she cried afterwards, like a little bitch. Oh what wouldn’t I give to hear that again.” Another noble chimed in:”But what about the time we made her fight her lover?” “Who do you mean?” The tyrant asked. “Gladiolus the beautiful but fearsome young Gladiator,” the noble replied. “Ah yeah HAHA. Well not so fearsome in the end were they?” Lord Thal’kr laughed again. “You have to know, when we learned about their relationship, they had apparently gotten close after the death of her father, we brought the two into the arena. They thought they would be fighting beasts but in reality they would have to fight each other. We gave her just enough time to realize her predicament before we pumped up the pressure on those anti-cognitors and turned her back into a wild savage animal. You should have seen them. Gladiolus pleaded with her to ‘snap out of it’ but she fell upon them and crushed their skull between her thighs like a watermelon. It was a delicious spectacle.” This man seemed to relish in the memory and just as Sanguinia contemplated if it was worth keeping him around he went: “Look! There She is. Child of the mountain, Mistress of the red sands along with our finest gladiators. Hail to those about to die!”
Sanguinia looked down into the arena and got hit with a wave of realization like an orbital bombardment. As she stared down she knew what the feeling was that had plagued her all day. It was this presence that she sensed and her prescience that had been screaming at her what her mind didn’t want to comprehend. But now it stood there below her, clear as day and no longer deniable. She thought no primarch could be more haggard than Morrigan and no such demigod could be more disheveled than Corvess. But she was wrong. Before her eyes stood, wrapped in chains, beaten and broken, her own flesh and blood. And as Angron looked up at the red angel standing at the parapet, all that Sanguinia could do was to close her mind to the visions of what was to come.
“You did WHAT to my Sister?!” The red angel spoke, dry and sharp, hair fell across her face and droplets of black blood fell on the parapet. “Well… we…”, before the tyrant could even speak she fell upon him. A massive hand clamped around his jaw and ripped it off. The guards reacted fast but the astarties reacted faster, thow they could not do much more than dispatch of the armed men before Azkellon ordered them to stand down. They looked over at their primarch who, in this brief moment, had already torn her way through seven other nobles with bare hands and was now about to reach her sword. Azkellon saw that the situation had turned most dire and knew he had to take charge. He turned on the vox:”all channels, situation’s fubar. Proceed with operational backup plan. Don’t go near mother, she is violent and unresponsive.” He then turned towards the brothers standing next to him and shouted: “Sanguinary guard evacuate the premises, ensure the retreat of all imperial non-combatants and most important of all: rescue that Primarch!” He pointed down into the arena, the lower levels of the stadium hadn’t yet realized what was happening, but sure enough there would be mass panic and a stampede. The Astarties split up and Azkellon along with his squad hopped down into the upper levels of the stadium. They did so just in time because the roof of the lodge began to buckle as the red angel cut through men and stone pillars as if they were straw. Azkellon cursed under his breath. He should have insisted on jump packs for this operation. It was no use now, they had to make their way down into the arena by foot, cut a way if necessary. When they were finally in the bottom rows the roof of the lodge above them collapsed and they heard an ear ringing scream: “HOW DARE YOU!” and “MY BABY SISTER!”. Clearly the primarch had finished massacring the major nobles in attendance and was now carving a bloody canyon through the minor ones. The stadium was now in full panik and mortals were scrambling over each other to get out of their own slaughterhouse. The Astarties hopped another fence down into the arena. A few bolter rounds dispatched of the remaining guards and Azkellon made his way over to the still restrained Angron. The next few words he spoke would be crucial to ensure the primarchs' cooperation; he had to choose them carefully and he had to choose them fast. “Mistress of the red sands, we are the angels of the Godemperor of mankind sent to aid you in your escape from this wretched place!” He prayed to Terra that she didn’t actually want to stay here. But to his relief Angron nodded and spoke:”My thanks. Get me out of these shackles, I can fight for myself.” Azkellon hurried to get out his multi-tool and got to work on the primarchs bindings. As he did so he looked her in the eyes and said: “it’s okay, you no longer need to fight for or by yourself.” Angron tried to stay stoic but he could see that the primarch was fighting to hold back tears. She looked as thow decades and decades of prayers prayed cold and lonely cells had finally been answered. When the shackles cracked and broke she turned away: ”They come with me”, she pointed to the other gladiators in the arena. “Very well”, Azkellon knew he couldn’t refuse her or the tenuous trust they had just built would be null and void. His squad freed the gladiators and they hurried out of the arena as Askellon ordered another thunderhawk for evacuation. As the last to leave the arena he looked back and saw the seating area had been filled with so much gore and viscera that blood began to spill over and run down the walls into the sand of the fighting pit. He made another vox call to the red tear and ordered them to get Dove on that thunderhawk along with as many tranquilizers as they could muster. They would need any help they could get if they wanted Sanguinia to calm down.
Angron led the astarties through the underbowels of the arena; clearly she knew her way around. However, that also meant that she chose a way that went past all the prison cells to free as many of the caged slaves, gladiators and animals as she could. Azkellon did not complain, he just wanted to get out of here. When they finally managed to leave the colosseum for good they stopped to take a brief respite. Angron turned to Azkellon and said: “I am grateful for your efforts but please, may I ask, you remove your helmet if you are able to, I’d like to see your face if you have one.” He did so and confirmed what he had felt for a while. Tears of black blood streamed down his cheeks and seeped out of his helmet. She looked shocked. “I’m sorry miss, this doesn’t usually happen, but our mother … your sister… it must be the deep connection we have with her that causes this.” Before he could apologize further for the undignified display, they saw a figure rise above the colosseum. The red angel had spread her bloodstained wings and was flying towards the ruling palace at the other end of the city. Over the vox the voice of the enraged primarch could be heard: “LET NONE LEAVE ALIVE! SHOOT ANY THAT ESCAPE THE CITY!” Azkellon had to quickly amend those orders to ensure that the slaves they rescued would survive. Then he voxed in with the other squad of sanguinary guard to get a status report on the evacuation of the imperial diplomats. Luckily they were almost out of the city and operational groups secundus and tertius hadn’t said anything so it was to be assumed that their part went to plan and there wouldn’t be any planetary reinforcements arriving in the city anytime soon. The squad tended to the malnourished slaves and wounded gladiators as best they could and then embarked on the safest possible route out of Desh’ea. The mortals would slow them down but leaving them behind wasn’t much of an option. Besides, mother had always reminded them that they were once mortal as well.
When they were about half way towards the extraction zone, they passed a squad of blood angel terminators carrying heavy equipment and escorting a young mortal. “Barbiel, is that you?” Azkellon shouted over to them. “Yes, great herald, we have the assets you requested.” “Good, the primarch went that way towards the palace. See if you can stop her madness. … Barbiel?" The crimson paladin seemed to stare off into the space behind him. But when Azkellon saw that it wasn’t just him but the other terminators and the young Dove as well he realized what it was. “This is primarch Angron Thal'kyr. we are escorting her to the thunderhawk for evacuation.” The terminators composed themselves, nodded and then hurried along.
And so passed another tense hour of walking through empty and abandoned streets while avoiding the panicking crowds. The hysteria had spread throughout the entire city and rightfully so. There wasn’t a gutter that didn’t have a trickle of blood running through it. Azkellon knew the power of the primarchs but he was still taken aback at how much carnage a single entity could cause. If there was a god of slaughter, he would surely smile this day.
When they reached the edges of the city Azkellon was relieved to hear the turbines of the thunderhawk. Angron stood still behind him, apparently needing a moment. Surely this was the first time she saw a spacecraft. “Where will this take us?” she asked. “Far away from this sight of misery,” he answered. It wasn’t untrue. “I’ll gladly go but first I need one more person to come with me,” she turned around and walked back towards the city, “I need my Yarrow, I need my desert flower, I cannot leave without them.” Azkellon was glad he had put his helmet back on, as he was certain all the color just drained from his face. He quickly voxed in with the terminator team asking if they had managed to calm down Sanguinia. Indeed they had somehow managed to stabilize her with a combination of Doves' kind words and enough tranquilizers to kill a horde of grox. Then He asked about the Tyrant's Child and after a moment of silence got the answer he did not want to expect. The red angel had slain the young mortal in her episode of unending rage. Azkellon thanked the emperor that he was the only one who could hear that answer. He told them to bring back the body of the slain Yarrow and tell Angron that they were killed by their father. He also stressed that they should ensure that no one ever finds out the truth, especially not Angron or any member of the war hounds legion.
When Angron heard news of the perishing of her second lover, she was inconsolable. She wept until they brought her the lifeless body and she wept over them the entire flight back, and she wept at the funeral when they let their corpse drift into the sun over Nuceria and she wept for several days after. These were a rough couple days despite the planetary conquest going off with very few issues. As Sanguinia read the report her legions apothecaries made about Angron and the butcher's nails in her head, she too fluctuated between rage and sorrow. She cradled and comforted her sister trying anything to lessen her pain. Finally she decided on the surgical removal of the butcher’s nails. When her apothecaries warned her of the dangers and the possibility of killing or stunting her sister, she almost tore one of their heads off shouting: “I’d rather have a brain dead sister than a suffering one.” Alas Sanguinia decided to perform the procedure herself. Her apothecaries suggested returning to nearby Ultramar to take advantage of their medical facilities, but Sanguinia denied them for she could not bear to see her Sister in agony for a single second longer.
Preparations were made and when the day of the surgery came all the medical staff of the red tear that could attend, did so. Even the ones who weren’t required sat in the amphitheater and watched the tense procedure. Sanguinia walked onto the operating floor covered in sterile white robes and a surgical mask over her face. Even her wings were covered in sterile white bindings. They would not remain white for long. Angron was rolled in and placed upon the operating table. Sanguinia looked at the sedated and still body of her sister; she was only covered in a ghostly thin sheet. “Father give me strength”, she muttered under her breath. A dozen astarties and two dozen mortal doctors huddled around the two. One of them handed Sanguinia a custom made pair of operating gloves. She dawned them, flicked them to ensure they sat tight and spoke: “let us begin”. A mortal brought her the scalpel. ‘This shall be the blade I wield today’, She thought to herself.
The surgery was long and arduous; it took three whole days before it was over. By the end Sanquinia was exhausted, she had to focus on making perfect nanometer cuts while simultaneously concentrating on using her prescience to ensure the best possible outcome. She slumped into a chair; her otherwise perfect hair was sweaty and messy. When a doctor came in to tell her that Angron's vital signs read normal, her exhausted face managed to curl into a mellow smile. Dove wanted to comfort her after all the work she did, but she only allowed it for a moment. For Sanguinia knew that her sister would soon awake and she needed to be there. When Angron awoke and looked into her sister's eyes she smiled, feeling as if she had awoken from the nightmare that was her life on Nuceria. But when she saw Dove standing by her sister's side she broke into tears, for she remembered. She remembered not only how she lost Yarrow but she remembered how she lost Gladiolus too. The butcher's nails prevent memories from being formed while in a state of rage but that is only effective in normal men. Angron's nails had prevented her from remembering how she murdered her father and crushed her lover in the arena but now she saw it again, clear as day. She wept and wailed in the arms of her sister, soaking her hair and wings in tears.
The pain of the nails was gone but the pain of the past was one that could not be lifted. Angron engaged with her sister, for Sanguinia managed to take her mind off of the grief she still felt. But this would not last long, for soon the Conqueror arrived carrying the war hounds legion, forcing the two sisters to separate. After this Angron fell into a deep deep depression. Ordered to lead men she barely even knew and on board of a ship she found to be unfamiliar, Angron felt even more alone than in the slave pits of Nuceria. Not even the slaves she rescued were there to accompany her for she had sent them away to a paradise world, far away so they may never again be forced to fight. Angron was alone again, she was frightened again and most of all: she was in a cage again. She locked herself in her chambers, where she sank deeper and deeper into grief and sorrow. When her marines came and tried to talk to her she lashed out in desperation, killing more than a few. Even though the nails were removed, she still felt like she was only here to endure a life of suffering and torment.

Background: Hank a three year old lab, who is otherwise healthy has already had two surgeries to remove fragments of migrating foxtail that had migrated through his lungs and become lodged in his iliopsoas muscle. His second surgery was 3 months ago. His first surgery was 9 months ago. He's currently on Clavamox
Last night, after a rather long day of running and swimming at the beach, I discovered an all too familiar lump on the side of my dog. The lump is in a similiar location to where Hank had an abscess 9 months ago, related to the foxtail. The lump also follows a now healed surgical incision.
When I pushed on the lump he reacted with some displeasure.
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I’m no vet but based on my experience so far it seems Hank’s last surgery didn’t do the trick.
Hank is a family dog and we all really love the guy but after spending about 16k to treat this so far, we are now asking ourselves with what the end game is here. We can’t keep paying for surgeries and we also don’t think it’s really great for him to endure the anxiety of hospitalization, continued antibiotics and pain and discomfort.
I guess, first question I have is - could his lump be swelling from too much play. Again, it’s been three months since his last surgery so I guess I’m just hoping this is it though I know it's not likely.
How treatable are these foreign migrating bodies in dogs? Are multiple surgeries common?
And lastly, if we forego another surgery, what’s the prognosis?
We’re going to schedule another appointment to get him looked at but we’re just swirling with a lot of questions. It’s really tough when money gets mixed in with emotion but we’re trying to arm ourselves to make a decision that’s overall right for our family.

I'm on Prostap and Norethisterone in the hope my womb lining and bleeding is reduced in time for hysterscopic resection in late June/early July (2nd attempt). I've been getting a lot of swelling and every day get nasty shooting pains in area of left intramural fibroid in particular (2 submucosal fibs and a polyp on right side for ref). Also general dull ache in pelvis and lower back as with a period. At night when I'm in bed my bladder is agitated and I feel full. I can also feel firm intramural fib with hand. I don't think I'm going bonkers, but it feels to me that it has grown/is growing since failed surgery nearly 3 weeks ago and use of progestin drugs. Before that appointment the swelling and pain had reduced a lot, but feels like it's all a lot worse now.
My question is could this be the progestin? Has anyone had this experience? I'm aware estrogen feeds fibs, but can progesterone make them grow, too? Thoughts much appreciated.

Just posting to say I'm very happy that I listened to a lot of posts that I've read here on very the last while. I once ordered Charcoal Ts a long time ago in the wrong size and had a bad experience (my fault)
I finally had some walking around money and got some 8085's and was properly fitted. They felt great in the store in 8EE and I bought them. I had knee surgery a few years ago and have pain in both knees which was amplified by my new boots. My feet were also getting chewed up In the heel area.
I followed what people said about the breaking in and was starting to get skeptical but today it happened out of nowhere - my boots don't hurt, my knees don't hurt and it doesn't matter how I tie them of what socks I wear.
Glad to have stuck it out and listened and now I can really start a collection.