Trigger warning: spousal addiction, depression, and anger
I’m struggling. I’m a (F)30’s married to a M(30’s). We’ve been married for four years and we have a 3 year old daughter and are thinking about having another one.
The only problem is that I’m completely checked out of our marriage because of my husband’s addiction, depression, and anger issues. All of these issues surfaced after we got married and he lost his mom. Let me tell you, it is WEARING on me. I’ve been in therapy every week for almost 2 years, we’ve been seeing a marital counselor once a month for over 2 years, he’s been actively in therapy for over 2 years, and he has been participating in OA for 6 months. The only thing I’ve seen an improvement in is his anger… and even that is questionable.
His main addiction is food, he has been diagnosed with a binge eating disorder on top of it. It became apparent that he was an addict about 6 months ago when I caught him lying about drinking 2 days in a row. He was obviously drunk after being home alone for a few hours and lied about it. Turns out he drank a fifth two days in a row within a few hours. I brought it up in therapy and we came to the realization that he was an addict and had a history with cocaine, alcohol, weed and food.
I question if he’s even going to OA meetings because he will not admit that he is an addict. The first step to working the program is admitting you are an addict and the addiction controls you. He only admits he has a problem with food and says he’s “kicked” other addictions. Side note: he lied about alcohol use 2 weekends ago and recently admitted that when we met he was binging on adderall and has been lying about that for 6 years. He told me he didn’t tell me because he knew I would break up with him. I feel duped, I would’ve never married an addict if I had known.
I don’t enjoy spending time with him because he is chronically negative and complains about everything. Last weekend we got into a huge argument because of his negativity. I straight up asked him if he was ever happy and he said “no, not most of the time.” Since he was diagnosed with depression a few years ago and still has that feeling I told him he needed to go on depression meds for his daughter and I. He told me no and “that’s just the way I am, you knew this when you married me.” Note- I did not.
As I mentioned before, he also has anger issues. He often flies off the handle over small things. Luckily, he no longer gets loud and scary, but he still cannot accept any sort of criticisms or requests to do anything. If I even so much as ask him to clean up his beard hair in the sink he says I’m “coming at him.” To help the situation, I’ve been working on my tone in therapy. My tone is a trigger for him. The other day I asked him to help me clean and he told me my tone for the request was good, but I was still coming at him. I can’t win.
We do not get along, we are probably only happy 5% of the time. We don’t have sex. Honestly, I dread spending any time with him because we are constantly fighting. I told my therapist I was fantasizing about divorcing him and she said I have every right to. She wants me to talk to him during our next therapy appointment about the toll everything has taken on me and my considerations for divorce, but I feel like this conversation has been a broken record with him. We constantly talk about this in marital therapy. Things are good for a few weeks after, then they go to shit again.
Despite all of these issues we are dealing with, he’s great dad and we are VERY financially stable. I’d like to give my daughter a sibling… he’s a vet so any kids I have with him will have free college and free healthcare until they’re 26. But again, the issues above have me COMPLETELY checked out of our marriage.
Even if we don’t have another kid, I’m concerned about the long term implications for my daughter. We both are clearly not in love and I’m afraid that’s going to negatively impact her. At the same time, I’m worried that if I divorce him I won’t be able to keep tabs on his addictive behaviors around her. He’s very good at lying and often throws the “I’m a disabled veteran” at people to gain sympathy. If any active addiction concerns ever came up in custody or care discussions I know he’d lie about it.
I’ve asked him to participate in a marriage intensive but he refuses. He says he needs to work on his own crap in therapy and that our monthly marriage therapy is enough. I’ve also communicated that if he does not get help and does not actively seek addiction treatment I’m out, but I never put a date on it. I’m so close to filing for divorce. What would you do in this situation?

I’m wondering about this idea I just had. I know of two main kinds of traders:
1.The day trader who’s looking for hot stocks that make big moves and wishes to profit by going long/short on these moves (usually basing it on technical analysis and breaking news).
2.The long term investor: looking to find stocks that performed really well or really bad (go short on these) over the past years (usually basing his investment on a companies fundamentals).
What if there’s a 3rd kind of trader who’s spotting hot trends in the market and who’s looking to gain about 10%-30% on well performing stocks, but in the shorter term of a week to a month? It seems to me that this 3rd method holds less risk and less stress when trading it, if you know which stocks to pick out.
What are you guys thinking and have any of you ever traded this way? I used the example of companies and stocks but this can also be translated to crypto, commodities, ETFs and indices.

I would absolutely appreciate the crap out of anyone who could give me their 2 cents on our situation. I’ve been with my partner 4 years, we’re both in our 30s, he has 2 daughters under 10, and I have no kids of my own. He has been an amazing, devoted partner and loves me very deeply. He hasn’t been diagnosed with autism but I believe he is though he only received a formal ADHD diagnosis from a short term therapist. A year or so into our relationship, I broke down in front of him regarding my doubts about our relationship, i.e. he having a vasectomy and being very upfront about it when we met, but me still having doubts about whether or not I want kids. Also our incompatibility with our lifestyles, my own struggles with introversion and mental health that wouldn’t permit me moving into his house with his 2 young kids, and his lack of desire to go therapy and my lifelong commitment to therapy.
We tried again to make it work, but once every 6 months or so I would have another breakdown due to my doubts but lack the strength to end the relationship because I too love him deeply and cannot let go. These doubts, inner conflict and me hating myself for hurting him or potentially hurting him created a couple year long episode of severe depression that I thought I wouldn’t make it alive out of. I have CPTSD so every little thing feels compounded for me. What added fuel to this fire was my constant feeling unseen and my pain going ignored due to his own way of dealing with things and acting like everything is okay and rarely bringing up any issues.
Unfortunately we are at a point now after having gone to couples therapy where I don’t see any solutions being presented for our relationship being viable to move forward with, but my partner is still acting like everything is ok and workable. The therapist has also said this is a codependent relationship with me showing symptoms of a trauma bond. I have thought about having a discussion with him on the phone (because I can’t get the strength to talk to him in person as the last time I tried to do so I just sobbed on his shoulder and disassociated and passed out from emotional pain for several hours after seeing him as hurt as he was, sobbing too) but I also feel like a coward doing that and I would love to stay friends with him afterwards and he may hate me more if I talk to him about this on the phone vs in person.
I guess I’m just looking for some advice and if you were perhaps in the shoes of my partner what you think the best way to approach this would be and how you would feel. I know that’s a BS question because everyone is so different in so many ways (like my CPTSD can present so differently to someone else’s) but I’m really feeling lost right now. Thanks so much to anyone who read this far and/or takes the time to reply.

Hi, I'm looking to buy a 3 year old used car from a dealership. The only issue I can see with it is that is has a deep scrape in the bonnet near the headlight which they have said will be repaired. I asked them if the damage would be invisible once fixed and they said yes.
https://i.postimg.cc/QtfFnQhj/foto-no-exif-1.jpg https://i.postimg.cc/5yjXcX2L/foto-no-exif.jpg
With it being down to the metalwork, my questions are:
Can this actually be made totally invisible?
What are the chances a repair like this fails after a few months/years? Worried that once rusting has started underneath, it could spread and end up costing me hundreds.
If it is repaired fully and is invisible, should it still be reflected in the price of the car?
I'm worried they'll do a quick and dirty short-term repair to get it off their forecourt. Thanks for reading!

So a bit of a short backstory, I was close friends with this guy I went to school with as a kid ( let's call him max ) and we lost contact after I switched schools, but he happened to find me on social media last year and we ended up reconnecting. He's a really sweet guy and i definitely consider him one of my best friends because we understand each other a lot in terms of the traumas we've dealt with in life. The thing is, I've always seen Max as a brother and still do.
Lately it's becoming more and more obvious that Max has a thing for me, because whenever we talk he's always saying things like "you're my favourite girl" or "I love hearing you talk because I'm in love with the way you think" or constantly telling me that I'm the prettiest girl he's ever seen, and it's starting to make me feel very weird. I just say "oh that's very sweet of you! thank you" but I'm afraid he's taking me being nice as me flirting? I have a bit of a ( bad habit ) of being overly nice to people, and I'm making a conscious effort to dial it down a notch because sometimes people take it as me flirting and I always have to justify that that's just my nature, I'm not flirting.
He also recently told me about his "type" and he described me to a T. At this point he's not even being subtle about it. I don't know how to talk to him now without making it obvious that I know. He hasn't told me he likes me but it's just very apparent. Also, we live in different countries right now so we mostly talk over social media or very rarely FaceTime (which has started to become awkward because he just keeps complimenting how I look and I have to keep changing the subject.) I don't want to lose a good friend, but lately I've kinda been dreading talking to him. Any advice would be appreciated.

I'm not overthinking this.. (28 year old male) just curious. Threw a new profile photo on Facebook...a nice... kind of handsome photo... a girl I went out with for a short time when I was 21 ended up liking the photo... and 10 minutes later un liked it...she is also one of the first few people to check on my snapchat stories...I just find it odd... ( I was very interested in her, and she knew this at the time... just things didn't work out as planned, and we ended on iffy terms) odd tho as I felt she was a soul mate... a puzzle piece to me and I am still not 100% over it... just trying to understand why she would like a photo of me and be one of the first persons to open the story on snapchat that is public. Tried to take her out for dinner when she turned 23 years ago. My last words where simply "I try to be good to you, talk to you, take you out and treat you like a women, I give up, best of luck"
Reason it didn't work was she got fresh out of a relationship at 21 or so. We would make plans and text me 10 minutes before the time we where suppose to meet and bail... and as a guy who detailed his car, got dressed up...I got pissed... I just find it odd as she never reaches out yet seems to kind of check on me... I have a girlfriend now and she knows that... not sure about her... I think she has a boyfriend but not 100%
Just find It odd. Thoughts

hey guys! it's a late night and i'm bored lol
i've posted on a subreddit like this before and it worked out ok but i'm just looking to make some new friends long term or short term i'm down for anything :)) my dms are open!

Hello all! I'm working my way through some samples and wanted to drop some reviews for you! I'm a bit verbose lmao and I don't want the post to be too long, so I will be making additional posts in the coming days. Hope these are helpful or interesting!
Evil Eye - Arcana Wildcraft

Protection against malevolent forces. An opening of bright Sicilian aniseed leads to a creamy, addictive, gourmand heart of Mexican vanilla, dark cocoa, sugar-encrusted blonde woods, warm amber, sandalwood milk, Cetalox, and soft golden tobacco. A woody gourmand with anise and chocolate.

Wet and in the bottle: Very strong, tangy wood, to me it reads like cedar. Reminds me of my parents cedar closet in the attic. I suspect it's the sandalwood. It's very very strong, you get a sense of a sweetness but it's very overpowering in this form.
Wet and just applied to skin: The intense woody tang remains, but a lactonic, no an oaty sweetness starts creeping up more and more the drier it gets. A noticable musk is peeking out here as well.
Dried down on skin: Now the frag has arrived where it should be, it's creamy and woody and sweet. The cedarey sensation remains but it's swirled into steamed, sweetened vanilla oatmilk. Like a wood latte. Feels like something they sell at dryad cafes. The musk grows with wear. I don't get a "cashmere" note that you usually find in scents that mention that. It feels more like a soft, plush musk, something there to keep it from being just gourmand, because strangely the cedar feels kind of herbal like those flower lattes. Comes a long way from the very non gourmand WOOD opening to where it reads like wood, but wood you can eat.
Final thoughts: I'm actually deeply obsessed with this fragrance. I really really love it, even the intense opening of it. This gave me a sort of paradigm shift, where I realized all my recent faves have been perfumey gourmands and not the realistic gourmands I once thought I preferred. Fantastically imaginitive frag, I certainly would've never thought of it. Does it Vampire Blood? (This is the part where I admit I layer everything with BBW's Vampire Blood bc I'm obsessed. This section of my reviews will denote if it can be layered with VB) I did layer it, and it was fine. They both kind of exist at the same time but don't really create something together. But they don't clash, which is great news because you know me and my VB.
Fleeced Skeleton Onesie - BPAL

freshly-washed fleece skeleton onesie and a little bit of smeared eyeliner

Wet and in the bottle: Sweet laundry smell. Reminds me of hugging a friend in high school and you can smell their "vanilla orchid" scented laundry soap their mom picked out. Idk why that specifically, but that's what it's giving.
Wet and just applied to skin: I saw someone say it smelled like banana to them and I get what they mean. There's a floral sweetness (like a banana) cut by something slightly vegetal, just the tiniest bit green. Finishes with a lipsticky quality, but creamy not powdery. From afar, it smells like it did in the bottle - sweet laundry, but with a proper sniff you get the separate elements making that up. The makeup sensation seems to get stronger as it warms.
Dried down on skin: Very much like Avon lipstick. My grandma was an Avon lady and had so much Avon cosmetics, and it really reminds me of her lipsticks. White floral with a creamy quality, but not lactonic. I've smelled this in other things, someone said it's giving crisco and that's almost exactly right. A smooth but sort of aggressively quality-less creaminess. There's something here that reads as very slightly lemon-ey to me, but it mostly just serves to keep it from being sugary sweet. The laundry smell is strong from afar, similar to bedsheet ghost but more floral and less "hot". This isn't just dried laundry it's a clean shirt you folded and put away the night before. But any closer inspection of the frag, a deep sniff, and it's a heady white floral with creamy elements.
Final thoughts: I usually don't like white florals, but I like this one! I wouldn't wear it all the time, it won't become a regular thing, but I do like it. It has a sense of nostalgia, and it really reminds me of scene kids for whatever reason, which I think is what she was going for. Does it Vampire Blood? (This is the part where I admit I layer everything with BBW's Vampire Blood bc I'm obsessed. This section of my reviews will denote if it can be layered with VB) Yes! I think the tangy fruity sweetness of VB calms some of the louder white florals, and it gives it maximum scene kid.
Asses Plus Long, Qu'un Siecle Platonique - BPAL

opal-gilded white rose petals, vanilla flower, and caramelized benzoin

Wet and in the bottle: Sharp, biting, headaching rose
Wet and just applied to skin: This is a true rose, leans more realistic than the kind of fantasy powder rose. It's a little peppery like fresh roses tend to be, a little astringent. Like floral in the most literal meaning of the word. Platonic ideal of a floral. Green, planty, smooth, peppery rose. Kind of arugula adjacent (this is how I feel about smelling most real roses).
Dried down on skin: I figured this would be pretty linear as a frag because of how almost solinote-ey it was for me for a good long while. It stays its perfect rose self, I can maybe get zome benzoin at the tail end, but it melds into the astringency of the rose to where it feels like it's mostly aiding in the solinote. But, after a good long while, like 3.5 hours, it becomes pure bitter zingy benzoin. Very very bitter. Like surprisingly bitter. I sniffed my wrist after a few hours to check on it and was like staggered a bit. Interesting touch, I feel like. Makes this kind of dark and spooky in a way.
Final thoughts: I like rose as an element often but I feel like this is too much rose. It's almost scary how much rose it is. I like it and I think it's well crafted and it's cool how realistic it is for me, but definitely not something I'll reach for often. I've been trying to give florals a fair shake recently, as for a long time I'd decided they were right out but for jasmine. And while this one didn't sell me on florals or rose as a whole, it made me think there's something more interesting there than I thought. Does it Vampire Blood? (This is the part where I admit I layer everything with BBW's Vampire Blood bc I'm obsessed. This section of my reviews will denote if it can be layered with VB) Yes! Makes it a bit more what I'm used to in terms of a rose. A kind of candied, fruity rose situation. More recognizable to me. I do think it gets weird with its endstage benzoin phase though.
We're Werewolves Not Swearwolves - S92

Ambroxan, trampled moss, soft tonka, boozy vanilla, smashed pumpkin, black coffee, acid-washed denim, wild grey musk

Wet and in the bottle: Dirty coffee, a bit of sweetness. Honestly not all that appealing in the bottle.
Wet and just applied to skin: Warm, delicious toasty coffee sweetened with damara sugar. Musk and something slightly salty make it read caramelled and also ground it. Amazing, almost smokey coffee gourmand here.
Dried down on skin: Becomes a spicy, salty coffee slush of sorts. So roasty toasty, but in a way that's super wearable. Doesn't smell like you just walked out of a coffee shop but rather than you ooze coffee, and it gets stuck in the threads of your lightly perfumed (choco musk perhaps) flannel. Smells like curling up to see the stars with a fancy starbucks coffee, the ones with the crunchy caramel bits on the top. So musky and addictive.
Final thoughts: Actually one of my new favorite frags, which is highly unfortunate because I have about half a slonk and don't feel comfortable ever ordering direct from S92. Will be looking for a fullsize in the swaps. I'm soso on coffee scents, I like them in theory but I think they're either very short lived or not gourmand enough for me, instead becoming a kind of interesting earthy note. But here it's all coffee ice cream type coffee but made round and full by some classical perfumey additions. Does it Vampire Blood? (This is the part where I admit I layer everything with BBW's Vampire Blood bc I'm obsessed. This section of my reviews will denote if it can be layered with VB) It's fine, not my favorite combination. They don't so much blend as sort of sit next to each other.
Boardwalk - S92

Coconut pulp, coconut milk, Coppertone, sand, sea breeze, driftwood, melted vanilla ice cream cone, sticky cotton candy

Wet and in the bottle: Very verbena-ey to me. That kind of smooth, almost creamy greenness. Touch of sunscreeney coconut, lots of sweetness. Reads like a fancy slushy summer drink.
Wet and just applied to skin: Much sweeter, coconut imparts a nice kind of nuttiness, very much like Coconut Lime Verbena from bath and body works, which I'm a fan of. Definitely has the sunscreen quality about it. I swear at the end of the sniff, it's exactly like fresh saltwater taffy. That kind of slight saltiness, nondairy creaminess. It reminds me of the blue ones in particular, which I think were blueberry but had a slight herbal quality about them. All of this comes together to really complete the "fancy, slurry summer drink" feeling.
Dried down on skin: This scent is pretty linear for its notes, it doesn't change much to me from the wet on skin phase. Maybe that taffy at the end becomes more the forefront. Not as coconuttey a drydown as I was hoping for.
Final thoughts: I like it, but I'm not a huge summer frag person these days. I think they tend to smell kind of samey to me unless they're doing something very specific. But it's very nice, very wearable, definitely sniffed myself a lot. I feel like it's missing something I'm wanting though, maybe just more coconut, or maybe it smelling like coconut lime verbena makes me want a limey note from it. Does it Vampire Blood? (This is the part where I admit I layer everything with BBW's Vampire Blood bc I'm obsessed. This section of my reviews will denote if it can be layered with VB) Yes! I love this combo bc VB reads very cotton candy to me, and I didn't really detect cotton candy in this frag, more just a general sweetness, and the VB helps to amp that.

Swiatek vs Potapova :

Swiatek had to have been happy with her third round matchup after waking up from the nightmare that Naomi Osaka presented. She made quick work of Bouzkova, who was outmatched in every department. Bouzkova did manage to battle back in the first and make the set close, and she served surprisingly well, but she just doesn’t hit hard enough to beat Swiatek. It was one of those matches where Swiatek looks a bit impatient because she’s supplying all the offense, and it seems like when it takes 3-4 shots to get an opportunity to hit a winner, she tries to just infuse extra pace or spin instead and unforced errors appear. Trying to make the ball explode doesn’t really work, and extra force applied tends to fall short when compared to smooth technique. I watched Rune and Zverev have similar trouble today against their opponents. Players wind up pushing because they hit bigger than their opponent, but don’t want to make errors. It’s accuracy that’s missing, and it’s something for Swiatek to work on in the off-season. I would say that accuracy is the main problem with her serve as well. It has plenty of pace and spin, but the ball lands towards the center of the box way too often. Less pace, and more location will go a long way.
If it feels like I’m levying criticism today, yes. Your turn, Potapova and Wang. Potapova was down 5-0 in the first set, and won 7 games in a row. Wang has a tendency to just go big on her forehand, and she doesn’t stop when she misses. Potapova was an uphill battle, but Wang doesn’t actually need to hit clean winners to score. Her forehand is one of the biggest in the game, and once she locks into a cross-court rally she usually can win provided the ball lands inside the court. Landing the ball inside the court proved difficult, and it felt a bit like watching Struff. All the ability in the world but a sense of urgency that doesn’t really match the moment. Yes you want to stay aggressive, but the weight of shot buys you time in the rally, you don’t need to escape a rally you’re in control of.
Potapova wound up losing the second, and down a break in the third. She dug in admirably, but there were some really poor decisions late in the match. After getting to triple break point by rallying with Wang and keeping the ball deep until Wang missed, she got a simple backhand return off a serve. She went for a clean winner down the line for some reason, and then suddenly the next point mattered. She lost it, and suddenly the “oh F I had it and now it’s gone” fears rose. The game ended up at duece, and she went to tactic B : screaming on every shot. You can’t scream your opponent off the court, so this didn’t really work. In the end, Wang coughed up errors and Potapova won, but it was a match that was managed poorly by both. Potapova was very reactive to misses and makes, which is fine but wastes a bunch of energy and tends to affect your decisionmaking in a readable way. You want to maintain some mystery, and at a minimum not give your opponent any inspiration or hope to work off of while you’re out there.
Swiatek Potapova should be another safe match for Swiatek, but Potapova has good power off both wings and she hits her backhand down the line decent. Swiatek will need more than she brought against Bouzkova, and chances are this won’t be a blowout. Potapova won their last meeting 6-0 in the third on clay, but it was in 2016 at the juniors. Swiatek in 2.

Danilovic vs Vondrousova :

Olga Danilovic has made the 4th round of a major. This changes her career in a major way. Tons of points, at least $250k, and a chance to win more. It’s even sweeter I would imagine because she probably shouldn’t be there. Her match against Donna Vekic was filled with many fumbles. Both players have enough power to hit past the other. Vekic was able to hit inside out forehands to great effect. Danilovic’s pendulum swing on her backhand was able to force errors from Vekic quite often. Her forehand down the line was almost a clean winner anytime she made it. In between all that though, they missed constantly.
The first set was a 6-0 beatdown from Vekic. She played excellent, and likely should have won the second. In the third, she went up a quick break. She gave that back, but broke to serve for the match. Immediately, she threw in a handful of forced dropshots and errors. Luckily, she broke again to serve for the match at 6-5. This gave her the opportunity to come up with a few more bailout dropshots and errors. If you watch highlights, this was an incredible match. If you watched the match, you saw two players whose games were affected by the situation. Vekic forced the issue and missed anytime she got control of the scoreboard, and Danilovic went through bouts of not missing at all followed by sending every ball wide. The tiebreaker was vaguely like watching a junior match. Every miss brought a huge reaction from the player. There were constant gestures and faces made to their boxes, and it was a little difficult to watch two great players struggle to focus and execute. Vekic managed to go up again 6-2 in the tiebreaker, but froze at that point and began hitting most of her shots long. She had trouble serving first serves in for the second half of the entire third set, but she really was unable to respond defensively once Danilovic got a full swing in.
After watching Danilovic down Collins and sort of defeat Vekic, it’s hard to count her out against Vondrousova. Marketa is a clear favorite against most players on clay, but the scorelines of her matches can be hard to predict. Against Paquet she was up a set and cruising up a double break in the second, and wound up back on serve. She closed out, but Vondrousova doesn’t hit that big and mostly thrives by defending and earning errors, so Danilovic will be able to compete. They played in the BJK cup and Vondrousova won in 3, and I’m guessing slower clay will give Vondrousova more of an edge. Vekic’s lack of speed really hurt her, and I think Vondrousova being able to put extra ball consistently in play will make Danilovic’s rough patches more of an issue. The emotional and physical output of Danilovic over the last few rounds has to take a toll, and I think she’ll fall a game or two short here. Vondrousova in 3.

Gauff vs Cocciaretto :

This is an excellent draw for Gauff so far. She’s playing great players, but stylistically they’re not a lot of trouble for her. This round is another good spot. Elisabetta Cocciaretto is a good server and has nice power, but she’s not the fastest around the court and she can make some unforced errors if she’s rushed. This means Gauff’s defense and power give her a great shot to win without trouble. Cocciaretto beating Samsonova was a surprise to me, but Samsonova doesn’t have the speed that Gauff does nor the consistency. This is a criminally short analysis but Gauff in 2.

Tauson vs Jabeur :

Great champions are able to elevate their games. This round, Ons will need to elevate hers. Clara Tauson is playing some great tennis, and coming into this match hers is the higher level. Jabeur was projected to have trouble against Fernandez and she did. It was another match where I felt like a good coach could have gotten their player across the finish line. Fernandez didn’t have a great chance in the first, but Jabeur was very willing to give the second away. Fernandez was able to dig in on defense and rally with Jabeur until she made errors or gave Leylah opportunities. Rather than keep rallying and really punish Jabeur, Fernandez went for winners … and missed them all. I’m not exaggerating here, in the second set she missed almost every offensive shot she went for, and it didn’t feel like she had to go for them. Jabeur hits bigger than Fernandez, so on the court it may have felt like she needed to do a lot, but most of her points come from consistency, so Leylah’s team will want to focus on having her focus on the mental battle going on in her opponent’s head rather than trying to be a big hitter. Physically, it’s just not in the cards for her to be slinging offense. Maybe she landed those same shots in an earlier round, so going for them was fine, but awareness on court is important, and Jabeur was trying to give the set away. After winning, Jabeur celebrated a bit which left me puzzled. It’s natural to be happy when you win, but I feel a little odd about these matches sometimes. Fernandez didn’t land a first serve for the last 20 minutes, threw in a ton of errors, and tried to hit an overhand winner for some reason off a return at 5-5 in the tiebreaker. It was a nice win, but Jabeur made this match hard on herself. I might be in hater mode today and I apologize, but it feels like sometimes players tap their head or pump their fist after overcoming challenges that they themselves created.
Positives for Jabeur were the times she put one extra ball back. She has had a middling season, and seeing her dig in is great. Her racquet skill is some of the best on tour as well, so the gets aren’t just a boost, they’re downright effective. She has the ability to stretch to her forehand and put squash gets back extremely low, and to flick cross-court forehands that seem impossible from how extended her arm is. Jabeur’s depth of talent is why she is still slightly favored in this match, because again, Clara Tauson is coming in at a high level. Tauson beat Ostapenko, and followed it up by putting Kenin through the ringer. Kenin had no chance in the first, but in the second she was able to reel back a break of serve and apply some decent pressure. Frustratingly, she just wasn’t able to execute in the big moments. At 15-30 5-5, Tauson hit a lob that was going a few feet out (to the side). While running backwards, Kenin seemed unaware of where she was in the court. She tried to play it overhead and missed. It was a momentum killer, and she ended up missing the remainder of her offensive opportunities.
Throughout the match, the big difference in the two was Tauson’s ability to score quickly. When she lands first serves, or if you give her a moment to get a full swing anywhere inside the baseline, you are toast. She has the type of power that Anisimova/Collins generate on their backhand, and she has a heavy forehand. That is why I suspect Jabeur will have a tough time winning this quickly. Jabeur has the endurance and variety to frustrate Tauson, but this feels like a battle of two big offenses, and Jabeur’s is a bit less consistent at this point. I want to believe Jabeur wins in 3, but she will need to step up her game and avoid the type of letdown she had in the second against Fernandez. Tauson is several tiers above Leylah and Osorio in terms of offensive opportunities, and both those players were able to get in winning position in at least one set. I’m still going to go with Jabeur in 3. Tauson has beaten some offenses, and some defenses, but Ons is the most complete player she’s faced so it feels very much like “prove it” territory for me.

Arnaldi vs Tsitsipas :

The story in Arnaldi’s match seems to be Rublev’s temper, but don’t let that overshadow Arnaldi’s performance. For me, Rublev’s temper is partially his fault, and partially his team’s. I’m especially sensitive to this after watching the last round, but being reactive to the outcome of points is a bit of a leak. If you are easily moved by events, then you are always able to be moved. It compounds, because if you are really good at something, there is no reason to believe that minor failures will continue, or even matter. It gives your opponent motivation, it wastes your valuable reserves of adrenaline and dopamine (depending on good/bad outcomes), and it’s honestly fairly distracting for an opponent. Just generally speaking, if my opponent is smashing his head with a racquet, I don’t really want to beat him. I’m still going to, but I want to compete and win, I don’t really want to add suffering to someone else. It’s unprofessional, it’s a detriment to his game, and it puts his opponents and umpires in an uncomfortable spot. Of course, he knows this, but it should hit home in this moment that he lost this match because of his lack of composure, and lost it to a player who thrives because of his composure.
Matteo Arnaldi plays steady consistent tennis. He works hard, he constantly works on his game, and he isn’t reactive out there aside from hyping himself up. He beat Fils because of deviations in his level of play and because he made it clear he wouldn’t miss. Fils forced shots and missed because he was unwilling to do the work. He beat Rublev because despite Rublev opening the match hitting clean and crushing winners, he just stayed the course and kept competing. When Christmas disappeared, Rublev noticed, and he did not like it. The crux of the issue is, he did not accept it. If I am upset about the way things are, that is natural. If I grit against the way they are, I suffer. If I accept the way things are, I am (counterintuitively) instantly free to begin working on changing them. It doesn’t mean we celebrate errors or loss, but resetting to the present moment is a major key to winning in professional sports and tennis players in particular have a difficulty with this.
I’m not trying to dump on all these players or attack them here either. All of them are tremendous athletes and are mostly excellent ambassadors and competitors. All of these struggles are natural and we all experiences the highs and lows of competition, but Rublev wants to win and this is something he needs to work on to do that consistently. If his coaches aren’t working on this with him, they’re doing him a disservice. If they are and he isn’t buying into it, he’s doing them a disservice. Everything is fine with Rublev’s game but the holes are clear. He needs more reps at net, he needs to develop dropshots, and he needs to not smash racquets.
For now, it’s Arnaldi vs Tsitsipas. Stefanos has been excellent this event, and he opens as the favorite for a reason. Zhang played solid in round 3, but he was helpless against Tsitsipas. Stef is holding serving quickly, and the speed with which he’s finding a forehand to the open court off of players’ returns is the catalyst of this. His stamina is a major weapon in these conditions and in this format, and his serve/forehand is one of the best left in the event. If Arnaldi wants to win, the plot is simple. Isolate Tsitsipas’ backhand, and get deep in sets. In the late stages of a close set, Tsitsipas is still prone to some shanks. I really do think Arnaldi needs to win the first set to have a shot here, but had Rublev been playing Tsitsipas I think we’d be expecting a somewhat close match so there’s no real argument for Arnaldi to get blown out here. He has a complete game, and he has good discipline. He’s lanky so he might be able to return well, and he can send his backhand down the line so Tsitsipas can’t just camp in his backhand corner. Forehand to forehand though, I think Tsitsipas wins. Losses to Ruud, Jarry, Medvedev make me think that Arnaldi has a bit of a ceiling, but all those were close affairs so Tsitsipas should have his hands full here. Tsitsipas in 4-5.

Alcaraz vs Auger-Aliassume :

Shelton and FAA was fairly hyped, but only Felix delivered. Shelton wasn’t really that bad, but FAA just showed he’s more comfortable on the surface. He faced no break points, and won comfortably in straight sets. His next match will be a lot more difficult, as he plays a version of Carlos Alcaraz that is cruising through the draw without really playing his best tennis. Alcaraz vs Korda was a strange contest. It reminded me a bit of Zverev or Rune playing matches they know they’re going to win. They don’t want to play extra sets, so they play a bit more carefully and just make sure to outlast their opponent. What ends up happening is the score stays close, and the stronger players needs to win a tense tiebreaker or break late in the set. Sure, they still win, but I think that an all-out assault from an earlier moment would allow them to fatigue their opponent.
These guys are all in tremendous shape (even Kotov), but there are levels/paces that they can’t hang at for long. Someone like Alcaraz can push the pace and wear Korda down, and once he breaks from that level, the odds of him winning the next sets easily are more likely. We watched Nadal and Djokovic do this to opponents for a long time, and the late sets were almost always blowouts after frantic openers. We watched Federer do the same thing mentally to opponents with a constant onslaught of offensive shots and tricky slices. If you don’t push the pace to a level your lower-tier opponent can’t hang at, they end up playing at a pace they’re comfortable with and then you play the same level of Korda in set 1 as you do in set 3.
Hater mode continues, but in this case I think it’s all assuming that Alcaraz is totally healthy. If he’s saving his arm for later, he played Korda perfectly. Sebastian continues to battle even with the best players on tour, and in the big moments he doesn’t change his game. 4-4 in a tiebreaker isn’t the time to force anything, but if you’re the underdog and have nothing to lose, it might be a good choice to ratchet up the pace a little, or take some chances. Instead, he seems to throw in rally ball errors. The two forehand misses he had in the tiebreaker were rough, but worse was that they weren’t even shots that were going to score. He was just guiding the ball in straight over the net. I guess in the end, beating Alcaraz, or even playing him even for a time, is a huge ask. It was a great match.
FAA will have his best chance to beat Alcaraz here. Alcaraz’s arm is potentially not 100%, and Korda probably should have won a set. I think the pace alone that Felix brings will wake Carlitos up a bit, and he has beaten FAA the last few times they’ve played so he’ll know which shots to employ and when. Even with his arm a question mark, Alcaraz’s speed around the court and ability to extend rallies are the right assets to score on FAA. Auger-Aliassime’s main issue on tour is that he can overhit forehands and cough up unforced errors. It should be noted also that FAA Shelton was played under a closed roof, which helps Felix’s serve a bit. The weather in Paris looks pretty nice for the rest of the tournament, so it’ll be warm and ideal for Alcaraz to wear him down and isolate his backhand when he can. FAA is good enough to compete at this level, but hasn’t been doing it regularly enough for me to think he can do so here for 3 whole sets. Alcaraz in 4.

Hurkacz vs Dimitrov :

Dimitrov leads this h2h 5-0. All the matches have been close, but you don’t get to 5-0 against Hurkacz unless you can reliably return serve. If you can reliably return serve, you can beat Hurkacz, and on clay it should be even more beneficial. Hurkacz has played excellent in this clay swing considering his status as a servebot, and leading into Wimbledon and the North American swing I think his baseline improves have him primed for some titles. He had a hard test with Shapovalov in round 3, and the new and sort of decent Shapovalov put up a good fight. Dimitrov had an easier time with Zizou Bergs, despite dropping a set. Bergs broke Dimitrov a bunch in this match, but Dimitrov’s slice gave him a lot of trouble. Grigor was content to just keep hitting the court, and it was enough in the end. Bergs had trouble lifting his forehand inside in off of the slice, and it meant going mostly inside out which Dimitrov was only too comfortable with. The quick turnaround is a concern here, but I don’t think the Bergs match was as labor intensive as it could have been. There were numerous rain delays, and the scores were close but only because Dimitrov didn’t redline. He served with control, he hit to big targets, and he secured the bag.
I don’t think Hurkacz gets beaten quickly here, and I don’t think Dimitrov is automatic just because of the h2h. He should win, but Dimitrov lost to Rune/Mensik/Fritz recently and those are all players right around Hurkacz level. If this goes to a 5th, I’d be pretty worried for Dimitrov’s chances. Picking Dimitrov in 4 feels tough, because Bergs got to a 4th and he wasn’t really playing his best today. The h2h is hard to ignore, so I’ll go with Dimitrov in 5. The quick turnaround might leave him tired but he should be able to outduel Hurkacz in most volleys and the low slices will be tough for the big dude to get down on.

Sinner vs Moutet :

Nothing like a seemingly simple one to end a full day of criticizing professional athletes for not being perfect <3. Moutet has been the most entertaining player in this event. He has won and lost lopsided sets, he has gone for every shot possible, he is chatting with the crowd, and he is giving the home country something to believe in. Considering he couldn’t even hit a two-handed backhand for a good chunk of the past year due to wrist surgery, it’s pretty impressive for him to get his game back to a really high level. Ofner was beating him early in the third round, but he was also sweating profusely. The workload of defending against Moutet’s big forehand strokes and his clever dropshots is exhausting, and Ofner’s game dipped as the match went on. It’ll be fun to see Sinner trading with Moutet, and it’ll be another look at his physical ability to see how quickly he moves to the frontcourt and how he defends Moutet’s forehand inside out. Generally with a hip injury, it’s sprinting forward and leaning wide to that side that becomes an issue.
Sinner has sort of entered a big however many group in terms of his results. He is able to beat the lower tier players for the entire match, and is consistently able to do so. There are no holes in his game, and aside from his hip issue there is no reason to think he loses here. Moutet has the game to make this the match of the day, but it feels like he’s spent a lot more time and energy on court and that’ll cost him. Sinner in 3.

Warning: this is very long
It’s always been like that for me. For some reason it takes me a LOT longer than my peers to find employment. I often find myself chronically unemployed (even though I have years of experience) for a year or more. To top it off I’m autistic and suffer from severe ADHD with anxiety and depression on top of it.
After I graduated university it took me a year to find a job. Had consistent employment for almost 4 years straight until 2018. During this period I actually had a job lined up before I quit.
Fast forward to 2018. Had a job as a software developer for a well known company (no it’s not FAANG) and they paid pretty well. It was the most money I ever made in my life. Unfortunately things didn’t work out there and the work environment and culture wasn’t for me. I was placed on a team as a new dev and they barely gave me any work. After awhile I hated going to work everyday cause everyone basically just ignored me and I spent most of my time self studying on my own. I found this job through their autism to work program. Before accepting the job I was told that I’d get support and accommodations with a mentor.
My “mentor” was basically useless. She didn’t do a damn thing and would cancel our one on one meetings half the time. Sometimes she wouldn’t even tell me at the last minute. She just never showed up. All she did was report negative feedback from my manager and provided no solutions or recommendations to improve. I was let go cause they felt like I “needed a lot of hand holding” lol. They barely gave me work to do. I would finish my assignments in a day or two max. They made some other bullshit complaints too. I showed up on time and did what I had to do every time. It was awful. I was far far away from home and lived out of state at the time also.
Lost my apartment and had to move back home with my family. Long term unemployment stint #1 begins here (if you don’t count how long it took me to find my first job you can say 2)
Fast forward to September 2019 and a friend recommended me a job as a software developer and I finally moved out again. I taught myself HTML, CSS, JavaScript and PHP to the best of my ability. I was not only learning on the job but maintained their website, ran chron jobs, and troubleshooted issues with site functionality and even the web server. I was literally a one man show. To top it off I was working for $15/hour. To top it off my boss was a prick and would sometimes short my coworker and I money on our checks. My coworker handled all the marketing and promotion. I handled everything related to the website.
Fast forward to June 2020. Of the two of us unfortunately I was the one laid off for whatever reason. My boss just called me and said that they’re laying me off right in the middle of COVID. Since I wasn’t working I could no longer afford rent so I had to move back home. I became super depressed and it took me a little over a year to find a job.
Fast forward to August 2021 and I found a job at a call center. Ended up getting fired and it was my fault sadly. I got fired for yelling and hanging up on a customer. That day I was in a really bad mood and the person on the other line started cursing me out and getting real disrespectful with me. I was happy to be fired. Worked there for only two weeks.
Four months later in December 2021 I landed a job that was closer to home but another shitty call center. Surprisingly I lasted there a year and a half. My mental health was already in the toilet and I was doing everything I could to hold onto this job for dear life. So I sucked it up until I found another job. I wanted to get out that call center so badly since it was nothing but micromanagement and back to back calls.
June 2023 rolls around and I finally started my job in desktop support as a contractor. Offer letter said 6 month contract then when I read it found out it was a 3 month contract to hire and also found out that they shorted me a dollar on the agreed pay rate. I asked for $30/hour and they agreed to it only to find out they changed things last minute. Spoke to the recruiter about the discrepancies and was told that’s the best they can do so I said screw it and took it.
My recruiter told me that they would “definitely” be converting me at the end of the three months but sadly that never happened. I showed up on time everyday and did a good job according to my manager and everyone else (so they said). I even got good reviews from a number of clients I worked with. About two months in I noticed things began to go south. Had a small disagreement and misunderstanding with my manager on a ticket she said I messed up on for whatever reason. Long story short she said the ticket was urgent when nowhere on the ticket said there was a deadline and she made a huge stink about it. Not only did I receive few tickets to begin with but I had to share the one or two tickets I had with a bunch of interns so I barely had anything to do. My other coworkers had more tickets than me yet would rarely put the interns with them. It was always with me which in my head made no sense. I get a call from the recruiter saying that they’re ending my contract early. I asked why and they said it was due to “performance reasons”. At that point I had two weeks left. I worked one of those weeks then one morning left the building during a meltdown. Left my badge, laptop and all their property on the desk and didn’t say a word to anyone. Been looking for work ever since. Sent out hundreds of resumes and so far only had 2 interviews which led to nothing despite both of them saying I did well and they liked me.
Hundreds of applications later and here I am with no job. I’m still looking for work and decided to also start a small business in the meantime. I started a month ago and only had 2 clients so far. Still no luck with applications. I’m 35 now and had to move back home during the pandemic and been here ever since after living on my own for years.
I’m very thankful and grateful for my mother. She’s the only reason why I’m not homeless. Everyday I think about suicide and I’m reaching a point where I might actually go through with it.
I’ve always been behind in life and feel like I progress slower than my peers. Deleted my social media cause I found myself comparing myself to my former classmates and friends achieving the things I tried so hard for and failed miserably.
I also suck at everything I do. After 1300 hours in valorant I only peaked at Gold 2. I’m the worst in my friend group like with every video game and sport. At one point I even paid for a few Valorant coaching lessons which IMO didn’t think were that great. I was always picked last in gym class. At my first job I was the last one to receive an offer to convert full time and the people that joined way after surpassed me despite having good metrics and being top of the leaderboard several times for several weeks.
Honestly at this point I’m ready to give up on life. Feels like I was destined to be a failure. I always felt like my efforts don’t pay off for anything. I failed my career. I failed in dating. I failed in my hobbies. Now I know you shouldn’t compare yourself to others but when I’m the only one I know of in my situation it’s damn near impossible not to. I’m not gonna act like I have the worst life ever but I don’t know of ANYONE my age struggling like this.
Every time I think I’m building momentum some bullshit always happens and every time it feels like I’m knocked back to square one. Feels like building a house that’s in a tornado zone only for my foundation to be knocked to pieces every time and cant afford to move.
I’m just frustrated with life and everything at this point. I hate everything about myself and seriously can’t wait to die. I’d pay someone to kill me. I’m crying while writing this thesis paper of a post. Maybe there’s something very wrong with me. I think I’m slow and stupid. Maybe even borderline retarded. I’m the failure of all failures. Nothing but a talentless garbage can loser bum.
Don’t know what to do. I don’t wanna go back to the hospital but I may have to. Thanks for reading my rant. I needed to get this out since I have no one to talk to.

I will be four years sober this July. I've never been lonelier, and never been reminded more often about how much I am missing out on in life.
I won't go into a full life story here but I'm sure you've all seen those stories about people getting sober, going back to get their degree, getting a good job and getting married, having kids, buying a house, all in the span of an incredibly short time? Yeah, I have done very little of that.
I did find a better job, I'm certainly healthier than I was, and I'm making steps to drastically change my environment in order to shake myself out of what I can only describe as a nearly lifelong depression. It's VERY difficult talking to, or being around people, who are drinking. It's still difficult to talk to even talk to them about drinking. The way I managed to be this sober was by utterly isolating myself from everyone and everything that would trigger me to drink.
I've not taken advantage of being sober nearly as much as I thought it would and I'd be lying if I said that more days than not lately I am thinking to myself how great it would be to go back to it.
I'm not in AA, have no system of support or anything like that. I did it completely alone with just the will to survive (my drinking was that bad).
Getting back into it would very likely lead me down the same road VERY quickly. I'm scrambling to find better alternatives (phenibut, kava, kratom, legit prescriptions like SSRIs and SNRIS) but of course none of it compares to going out and enjoying a night where I can be free of all my internal demons and able to speak properly, where the neurons are firing correctly and appropriately.
Does anyone else with a medium term of sobriety feel this way? Do you feel like you truly have improved? How do I stay sober when I am so tempted to get back to something that honestly was my only friend for so long.

Would it be M.G.L. c. 176D, §3:1 (a)? The (a) looks strange to me so what’s the proper format?

I’ve always been attracted to the mechanics of chess and its minimalistic design that also somehow allows for unbelievable complexity and am also really enjoying the game in my current attempt to learn it. But I’ve been trying to start playing it on and off for many years and have always been stopped by the fact that outside of primitive tactical decisions I just don’t know what to do!
Whenever I sit in front of a chess board I get the same kind of thoughts. How can I get into the most beneficial position in the long-term if I don’t see any clear potential ways to get a tactical advantage? How do I know if that position will compromise me in the future? Should I make a move I think will benefit me in the future in an abstract strategic way or a move that will allow me to capture a piece?
I just don’t see strategy and have no conception of how I could balance out long-term advantage and tactics. I have no idea of what a “best move” is and how people can determine it so clearly.
Where can I get access to structured knowledge that will show me how I can properly engage with this game? I can’t just analyse games I don’t understand and can’t watch other people’s analyses where they see and point out things that I don’t see and that just don’t seem substantial to me.

Hey guys. I apologize for making a long post, but bear with me.
To put a long story short, I tried graduated with a bachelors in Information Systems, persisted and realized I hate coding (as in I never want to type another line of code ever again). Working in an unrelated job (teaching assistant). I like the tasks of the job, but it doesn't pay very well (I enjoy the time off it is so good). Plus teaching in the States isn't something I want to do long term. I also considered trying for travel nursing, a job adjacent in the education sector or aviation industry or merchant maritime but I am unsure of those pathways. I am really unsure what I am able to tolerate for a job that would pay enough/have enough time off. I do have some experiences (internship, office job, etc) but they are all unrelated. I am 23, and I feel that I don't have very much life experiences.
I guess really what I am asking is:

• Is it okay to not do a career that you majored in? I am not really sure what I
• Am I foolish for wanting to try living abroad/accomplishing some of my goals before settling on a career path? I am thinking of doing a 1-3 year gap where I do the following things:
• I would like to improve my Vietnamese to a good level (near fluent). I would like to live in Vietnam for 3-6 months perhaps, doing a language school homestay program. (I am a heritage speaker of the language and wish to connect more with the culture. I also wished I did a study abroad during university). I almost did the TEFL job in VN but it wouldn't pay enough for me to live in the country.
• I would like to try a working holiday visa. Get some experience living in Australia and earn some funds for traveling.
• I would also like to try Peace Corps. I do want to get the experience of working in another country. I could also use the benefits to fund a masters/get a government job.
• There are quite some places I really want to see. I figured that I might as well see them while I don't have much responsibilities and then make peace with the fact that I will only have a few weeks off per year at most. I could do a gap year with this.
• I would like to try a couple of seasonal jobs in the National parks.

I have traveled on my own before. Really what I am asking is, has anyone done these things before and do you regret it? I am trying to find a balance between YOLO and making sure I have some stability. I do feel lost in life and have unanswered questions. Fortunately I don't really desire marriage/never ever want kids, but I would like pets eventually as they do help with appreciating the small things in life.

I am NOT The OOP is u/RAkindoflosthere
Planning to ghost him after finding out he’s cheating on me
Originally posted to Infidelity confessions rant self
TRIGGER WARNING: infidelity, property damage, emotional manipulation, mentions of sexual assault
Planning to ghost him after finding out he’s cheating on me March 4, 2022
Found out my boyfriend was cheating a few weeks ago. Been spiraling since. Literally only running off of vengeance and pure disgust.
I got this weird gut feeling and checked his phone while he was asleep. Those 20 minutes locked in the bathroom felt like years, and the shame keeps me from talking to anyone about it. I moved across the country to be with him, so I’m all alone. No friends or family here.
He woke me up the next morning with kisses and breakfast and has been doing so a lot, lately. Probably the guilt.
He even bought me flowers for the first time ever. After me hinting at wanting them for years.
He thought my quiet crying was out of happiness. He even brought up buying a house for us, something with enough space for potential future children.
I’m still going through the motions. Making his breakfast and protein shake everyday, packing his lunch, making sure dinner is almost ready when he comes home from the gym.
What makes me the angriest is that I really, genuinely thought he wouldn’t do something like this. He watched his father cheat on his mother and father children out of their marriage, all while she struggled with infertility her entire life (my partner isn’t her biological son) and never had her own. She dedicated her life to the two of them and passed away of ovarian cancer shortly before we met.
Sometimes I think about whether she regretted staying with her husband or not. We have a small shrine in her honor and something makes me look at and expect guidance. I love the man she raised and hate the one her husband did. But they’re both him, and he’s a grown ass man more than capable of self control, so I decided to walk away.
Next week my car will be picked up and shipped back home, and I got first class tickets for me and my dog on his dime. He’ll come back home from work and everything I brought will be gone, along with me.
The only thing I think I might regret is not somehow being able to see his reaction when he walks through the door and realizes what’s going, lol.
RELEVANT COMMENTS
Future_Ad8467

I'm sorry you're going through this. It's the hardest thing to let go. As hopeless as it can feel sometimes, it does get better. Take your time in the beginning, but I think it's therapeutic to confront him, eventually. Ghosting doesn't provide closure for you. In my experience, confronting the problem, head on, gave me a sense of closure. I try to take everything that happens as a life lesson. Good luck with everything

OOP

I personally don’t believe in closure. I got all that I needed when I realized he was untrustworthy

~
Odd_One_9972

Do you have access to his phone/computer? Install a keylogger, then you can not only see what he's saying to you, but to the other APs as well. I put a keylogger on my ex's phone/computer when I caught him cheating. He was such a dumbass, and seeing the shit he was saying, the lies he was spewing, made me grateful I dropped his ass.

OOP

I do, but I don’t think it would make a difference for me. His entire “relationships” with the APs was lies.

Everything from his name, age, college degree, occupation, city, height, and dick size. He even told one he was married and his wife was pregnant with twins. I almost had a heart attack thinking I was an AP too and he had a family out there somewhere.

~
Suspicious_Bear_6634

If he can go after you, you should probably leave a note or a sign that you're leaving him because of his cheating. Seeing that you up and left without a known reason (from his pov) might push him to follow you home. If he knows the reason and knows that he has no chance in hell in getting you back, it might delay a possible confrontation.

OOP

you’re right. I’ve been considering just leaving a sticky note with a list of all the different girls names and the apartment key beside it. Simple and effective

Suspicious_Bear_6634

Fuck, multiple girls?? Draw a little middle finger beside them while you're at it. And make sure there are little to no supplies (food, toiletries, cleaning stuff) left and leave the house dirty so that he can appreciate how much you did for the asshole.

OOP

7 of them to be precise. I’ll have to rush and get out within a certain time frame but I might just settle for shrimp in the curtain rods. He’s really sensitive to smells lol

I lied to my boyfriend everyday and saved the money he gave me March 4, 2022
Almost every day my boyfriend sends me money for lunch, gas, something. I thought he was just really kind. Turns out he was cheating and giving me $$ made him feel less guilty, as though he didn’t beg me to move across the country with him where I know no one.
Once I found out I wanted to immediately confront him but was scared of the outcome since the apartment was only in his name and again, I know no one here.
Now I just save every dime of what he sends to be able to pay for the $3000 moving fees to go back home without hurting my own pocket too much.
Breaking my heart, destroying my ability to trust & scaring me off from men I can handle, but messing with my finances? Nah. never.
The transport company is coming next wednesday to take my car, and my plane tickets for me and my dog have been bought. Gonna keep up my happy act and do the usual cooking of dinner and scrubbing his back and poof on Wednesday like I never knew him. Its the only form of revenge I could do that wouldnt haunt me. Good riddance!

Edit: A few asked for details. There’s 7+ other women, everything he told them was a lie. Name, age, height, city, occupation. All of it.
The only common denominator was that he bought us all the exact same lingerie set for his birthday in January. 🙃 And specifically requested I hang it up in our closet where it’s viewable. Forgiveness is not on the table. He’ll be surprised, but I doubt he’ll be hurt.
RELEVANT COMMENTS
purejones

I look forward to it, how did you find out if it’s not too personal?

OOP

Woke up randomly in the middle of the night and “he’s up to no good” was all I could think about. I sleep like a literal baby and never, ever wake up like that. Took his phone and locked myself in the bathroom while he was asleep and found it all.

Friendship break ups are so much worse than relationship breakups March 5, 2022
I’ll be single again pretty soon and I’m looking forward to it but also not. Like yay! I finally can cook when/how I want to and don’t have to split chores and can do everything on my own my way.
But thats the only good part.
I’ve been on my own since I was 16 and I’ve turned out (mostly) fine, I have a paid off house and car, cute dog, debt free, and I’m finishing up my masters degree at 25. It could be worse.
But I’m lonely. I’m not on speaking terms with my family and had a huge fall out with my lifelong friends a couple years ago. I haven’t tried making friends since bc part of me hopes one day I can find a way to fix that friendship.
Plus I’m moving around so much that making friends is pointless. I’m not good at long distance anything.
I never prided myself on romantic relationships- sure, they’re cool, but a loving group of women was always where I found the most peace and understanding and that’s what I want the most.
I guess I’m just going through things right now and I really wish I had people I trust to talk to. Friend breakups hurt the most.
RELEVANT COMMENTS
OOP when asked how she had a house at a young age
OOP

Neither. I lived with my friends and their parents until college started. Already had a scholarship. Just worked 3 jobs until I was 22 and lived frugally.

~
Dufusbroth

The maths for time and money aren’t working out on this end but there is also a lot of variable/info that is missing.
It took my 7 years to payoff my house and I was contributing to it like it was an emergency. Qualifying for a home and paying it off in that amount of time without help seems nearly impossible. I’m so curious about the formula here! I need a lesson in finance from OP. When I broke it down on it just doesn’t seem possible except from a financial windfall counting even a frugal cost of living along with an accounting for taxes paid, etc… and that did not include the cost for transportation, medical, groceries, blah blah blah

OOP

The house was a 70k foreclosure and is 4bed/4bath. I was a golf caddy, gentlemen’s club bartender and occasional hostess, and notary signing agent. Along with selling stationary items on etsy. Also my scholarships paid for quite a bit of my home in general- they never specified what kind of housing for them, just housing. I lived in 1 room and rented out the other 3.

Dufusbroth

That’s the info I was looking for- thanks you! That is very smart. Good going! Good luck with your situation- so interested how he reacts to your departure

My current relationship has made me realize the thin line between love and hate. March 9, 2022
I found out my boyfriend of almost 4 years was cheating. We’ve lived together for 2 years and I’m leaving him tomorrow. He just doesn’t know yet. And won’t until after I’m gone.
As mad as I am, as betrayed as I feel, I still love him. All I really want is to wake up tomorrow and this all be a nightmare. I don’t enjoy this slice of reality.. that the person I loved the most has looked me in my eye and lied to me for who knows how long.
and every time I do it I’m left wondering how many times he did it. How many times did he wine, dine, and fuck other women and come home to me? How many times have I been the stupid girlfriend who trusted her boyfriend blindly? How many times have I been some woman’s laughing stock? Did he fuck us back to back? Did his friends know? Did they look me in my fucking eye and really not say anything? Did he love them? How many times did he tell me he loved me and meant it? When did he stop meaning it? Did he ever even mean it the first time?
I’m not a master manipulator. Unlike him. I’m just composed because I’ve never had any other choice. Emotions got you beat or worse when it came to my parents and I’m more than aware I have a shitload of trauma to unpack but I can’t.
Not in the self pity, woe is me, its too hard, but no. I probably just can’t. Therapists here are wildly westernized and once I start with the short list they’ll probably just charge me double. Maybe triple. And the last time I tried he kept trying to convince me I enjoyed my own assault.
Maybe I got cheated on because I’m emotionally inept. My intimacy levels are quite limited. The few times he asked about my childhood I either a) brushed him off or b) told him one thing I thought wasn’t that bad and he was so shocked I held out on the actually bad parts.
And that’s where the hate comes in. He knows what it’s like to grow up feeling unwanted. He knows what it’s like to lose your parents young. He knows what it’s like to feel like your entire life has been horrible event after horrible event.
But he still did this to me and I don’t get how he could. I could never cheat on anyone, let alone someone who’s shared such personal things with me.
I haven’t so much as made eye contact with another man since we met… other people were just other people and we were us.
I don’t know. I just don’t see being able to date again. I had deep seeded trust issues long before this and growing old by myself with 30 cats genuinely sounds nice. Hell, great even. At least I won’t always be wondering when the betrayal will come.

(Update) Leaving partner of 4 yrs after finding out he was cheating March 10, 2022
Transport company came and picked up my car. Sold whatever big furniture I brought for low prices. Took his dog to the park and played with him a bit, got him a dog cupcake and took him back to the apartment.
Movers started coming for the rest of my stuff and I hadn’t prepared for our property manager thinking we were both moving out and we hadn’t given them the required vacancy notice. She came to talk to me right as my uber was coming and I told her what was going.
Unfortunately they had already called him bc only his name on the lease. He’s called and texted me a few times but I haven’t replied. His work day won’t be over for a couple of more hours.
I left my apartment keys, and anything he’s ever bought for me that I hadn’t sold already. Didn’t feel like taking that stuff with me. While packing I remembered we bought a pet camera that shoots treats on the entertainment center and turned it back on. I promised myself I’ll disconnect from it by midnight tomorrow but I have my own predictions about how he’ll react and I just gotta know for sure. Yeah, it’s fucked up. Sue me lol
I actually forgot to leave a note and was running out of time before my uber came and just left the lingerie set he was so obsessed with on the bed. He’ll figure it out eventually. Or not.
I’m at the airport now with my dog and just waiting on my flight. I wish I could say that I feel free but I don’t. Just tired.
Thank you all for the well wishes and thank you more to all of the other women who reached out with similar stories. I think I might’ve caved and stayed if you all hadn’t.
RELEVANT COMMENTS
Suspicious_Bear_6634

What did he say on the text when they informed him that things were being moved out?

*OOP

Just that he got a call from property management and asked if I ordered something big and if anything was going on.

Pet Cam Update March 14, 2022
Update: I turned it on for about ten minutes after I got back to my home and unpacked. He wasn’t there, but everything was a mess. There was a hole in the wall, furniture flipped over, papers everywhere, the kitchen looked like a tornado went through it.
I deleted all of my other social media accounts but didn’t block his number. The first two days he called me over 200 times. Lots of novel ass text messages and him admitting to some shit I didn’t even know about yet. Quite a few calls from his dad and friends too.
I didn’t reply to any of them
THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP
DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/cherry_muffin_no7
Originally posted to AITA_WIBTA_PUBLIC
WIBTA if I refuse to have intimacy with my husband?
Thanks to u/queenlegolas and u/Direct-Caterpillar77 for suggesting this BoRU
Editor’s Note: added paragraph breaks for readability
Trigger Warnings: infidelity, car accident, body injuries, mentions of death of loved one, manipulation
Original Post: May 25, 2024
I won't sugarcoat any words here or make the situation in my favour. I need a very non biased opinion.
Around Mid August of 2019, Me (28F) and My husband (35M) tied a knot between us. He have two kids from his previous marriage. He and his ex wife are co-parenting their kids. I really love the kids.
One of the major factors why I got married with him was kids. I have reasons for that. My father died when I was 15. My mom wasn't so highly educated, so with that less education qualification, she couldn't provide for me and my other 3 younger brothers all alone. So I started to do part time jobs. I babysat, cleaned people's yard, took out pet's for walk, did assignments of my classmates etc. I earned really little amount of money with that but it helped my family slightest. When I was 17, I took a food delivery job.
One night, around 10-11 I was dropping food at the other side of city. A drunk driver hit my cycle and I went into a terrible accident. The driver needed to pay a large fine for that since my condition was very critical. I had alot internal bleeding and damage. So because of that accident, my doctor confirmed that in future the chances of me getting pregnant is very less, it will be a miracle for me to have my own kid. I was at the lowest part of my life because of that accident. I couldn't go out or do my work on my own. My family took care of me. It took me around 8 months to get well.
At first I didn't mind having a childless life but when I started to notice my friends are having family, I realised the beauty of motherhood. So I started dating guys with kids. My husband was my second bf. We tied knot after we dated for 10 months. When I got married his son was 11 and his daughter was 7. I got along with them well. It took them few months before they started to call me mama by their own. I left my job to be the stay at home mom for them, honestly I really adore them. I have a good relationship with their bio mom too.
After COVID, we went to Belgium for our 2nd anniversary on 2021. The trip was all good and I remember feeling so loved. The day before we were supposed to come back in our home, he proposed the idea of opening our marriage. If I say I was hurt it'll be a understatement. I couldn't look in his eyes without feeling hollow and sorrow. I said no multiple times after coming back from the trip but he kept persisting.
After couple of weeks I gave up and agreed. He set the terms. I don't remember most of it but few of his terms was never share this information with others, we can't date our exes or friends, no emotional attachment with our partners and always use protection.
In his words, he still loves me. He only opened the marriage because he wanted to gain experience and use it on our marriage. I remember going to sleep all crying and hurt. I gave up on my job to take care of him and the kids yet he yearned for another woman. We became distant. He noticed that and tried to initiate intimacy with me but I don't feel anything at all. I just lay there until he is done. I also distanced myself from him.
The idea of him having intimacy with other woman while being in a marriage with me disgusted me. I couldn't look at him at the same way I used to. We always have our location on so I could see where he is going. Those used to hurt me alot untill I became completely numb at this point. Now I don't see him as my husband but someone I tied knots with to be a mother.
Last year, I told him I wanna start work again. He got defensive kinda? He tried to use alot reasons to show why can't I work. When he saw all of his tricks going downhill he pulled the kids in the mess. He knew I have soft spots for his kids. I didn't back down that time. He gave me cold shoulder and went on trip with one of his gf. I applied to be a teacher at my brother's high school. He is the youngest of my all siblings and a sophomore. I am teaching chemistry in his school. My husband was mad at me for having a job for few months but he gave up. I started to give myself alot times.
Since the kids have extra curriculum activities they always don't stay at home. I have a friend circle from high school. I hung out with them every two weeks. I met a guy in my workplace. He is 29 and have three kids with his late wife. One day I ranted about my whole situation. He showed interest in me after that. He is a nice guy. I went on few dates with him. Nothing physical happened between us. I think I am relying on him for mental support since he is very supportive of me. I haven't felt something like that for a long time in my life.
Now few days ago, I went to salon and cut my hair short into shoulder length. My husband complimented me multiple times that day. The kids went to their grandparent's house for summer vacation. During night, he tried to initiate intimacy. Well I straight up said no for the first time. I think he got taken aback? He had mix of few expressions that I can't put a finger on. He started to use the husband card on me and I put my foot down to say no.
We had a huge argument and he left. I saw his location, he went to one of his girlfriend's place. He didn't contacted me for 2 days now. Now I am stuck between two thoughts. Even if I don't feel anything towards him he is still my husband. I can't share this with anyone so I need advice on this.
Relevant Comments
RndmIntrntStranger: INFO: Is having children really worth a husband who demanded an open marriage and did not want you to have financial independence?

OOP: He wasn't like that from the early days. After COVID I noticed some changes but didn't pay any attention on that. That time all I wanted was to have a child to raise like my own. Before him I dated another guy with a kid, he was nice but he had alot issues. Plus I resigned from my previous workplace with my own thoughts. I really wanted to devote myself in the kid's life. It was a mistake but now I have a job which pays me double amount than before. I still love the kids, they are all I could ask in a kid.

Significant-Dot-2260: Girl, the marriage was over when he proposed an open marriage. Just divorce, love yourself more. A man who truly loves his life doesn't go outside the marriage for anything. Your husband just wants a stable life at home and someone to watch his kids when they're there, and all his fun with another woman. He's selfish, get some therapy, divorce, and live your life, and once you heal yourself, you'll be blessed with a man who truly loves only you. Don't waste anymore time and tears on that man
 
Update: May 26, 2024 (next day)
Last night I made a post about my current situation of my marriage and asked for a non-biased view. There almost 300 people who responded and gave me advice. I couldn't respond all of that since I was overwhelmed with alot emotions. There is few things I want to clarify.
Firstly, I met my husband after my graduation when I was looking for a job. I made things official with him after I had the job. We dated for 10 months before getting married.
Secondly, His ex wife and he were childhood sweetheart who married each other when they were in college. After the birth of their second child, they realised they don't have the same bond so they got divorced and have 50/50 custody.
Thirdly, few people in my previous post asked me to make things official with my coworker. I would do that when I am ready. Currently my mental health isn't in the best position. I am working on it. Plus I can't have intimacy with anyone whom I barely know. We've been coworkers about almost a year but still I am not ready to make things all good.
Lastly, those who are saying I am using sex as a punishment, it's quite opposite. He barely comes home. He is always out with the kids or his girlfriends. I would love to add he doesn't have one but three girlfriend and yes all of them are aware of my existence.
Now to the update.
Last night I made a post about the current situation of my marriage with my husband. Asking if i would be the AH if I refuse to have intimacy. He haven't came back in last three days or contacted me. The kids talks with me daily. I had few conversation with their bio mom too (they are over her parent's place).
Honestly I thought he will get over it or won't bother me for a long time, but I was wrong as hell. During lunch, my mom came over to visit me. she asked if everything was okay between me and my husband. I didn't lie this time and straight up said no. We had a long conversation about my marriage and I was relieved after that. It felt so good after sharing everything with her. I am not ashamed to admit I cried like a kid in her arms while explaining everything. She stayed with me entire day. She called one of my younger brother (26) and told him everything. If I say he was mad it'll be an understatement. He asked why the hell I suffered that much and scolded me for couple of minutes. With the help of my mom and brother I packed my stuffs. I didn't leave with any of the stuffs he got me.
Most likely we will get a divorce soon. I texted a short message in his number, thanking him for being my husband and I won't be continuing the marriage anymore along with some personal stuffs between us. With the help of my friend and family currently I am finding a lawyer. I don't know how long it'll take me to finally get out of the marriage. I left the house around evening and sent the sms around 7. After that I muted his number.
I also told his ex wife about this and needless to say she was as much shocked as everyone. Because he wasn't like that. She assured me that even after divorce she will let me see the kids. I am really grateful for that part. Divorcing him will be easy since we always had separate accounts. I have little savings.
Before I get on my own feet properly I will be staying with my mom in our old house. I turned off my location before leaving his house but it won't be long untill he figures out where am I. He is currently messaging me but I am not strong enough to open them and read them so I haven't responded or read his sms
Relevant Comments
chimera4n: Well done! If he gets upset, just remind him that he was the one who ruined the marriage by cheating.
I say cheating, because an open marriage only works if both partners are willing, a one sided open marriage is just cheating.
Bitter-Picture5394: Good for you. You deserve a life where you are respected and your feelings validated. You will find true happiness as long as you keep advocating for yourself.
 

DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

Hello! So, currently I own an ebike(well, almost a moped to be honest) which has a 2880wh battery but I've decided I want to sell it since I don't even use 20% of it's range in a single ride plus the 110lbs weight is a huge downside, crazy hard to pedal and pain to get in/out of my apartment
Since I'll be selling it, I've decided to purchase this one (I really don't care that much about range as long as it can get me to and from work without sweating) plus it's lightweight enough, I've paid C$840 with taxes
Why did I go for the Heybike brand? They have some UL certified batteries (unlike my current "moped" bike, charging such a huge battery in my tiny apartment is damn sketchy) but upon reading customer reviews a lot seem dissatisfied with Heybike(especially the Race Max) saying it's a fire hazard etc, plus it does not appear in the UL list, is this a cause for concern?
have I made a mistake? :( I haven't received it yet so it's not too late to get a full refund, I'd like some advice/suggestions under C$1000 if possible, no I am not buying a $2k bike for short daily trips in case it gets stolen
I'm down to convert an old cheap one to electric if it's not too expensive, but I don't know where to start/who the reputable brands are
Edit: The brand of my current "moped" bike is Aniioki, the only UL "certificate" they have provided me does not look real at all, which is one of the reasons I want to get rid of it quick other than the weight