Chapter 2. (Dracula)
Nine Hundred years later deep deep far in the the Shadow Forest a place called Castlevania in the black castles the kings chambers a beautiful black haired blue eyed woman named Isabell Bolton was travailing in pain as she was giving birth to her first born child, the queens maid that was there helping deliver the baby held the little child cleaned him up and wrapped him in the blanket.
“Is the Baby ok Sara?” Isabell asked very exhausted.
“Yes it’s a boy!” Sara said very excited as she gave the mother her baby.
“He’s So Handsome. Luther come quick see our boy!” Isabell said with glee.
King Luther Bolton came in and grabbed his son hugged him.
“My boy Oh my baby boy.” King Luther said very happily.
Suddenly a dark and evil witch named Festus appeared in the room with them she was pure evil.
“Oh! what do we have here aww how sweet the Dark One was finally born He will be called Dracula he will be a terror of this world he will be known all over the nation and he shall live till the end of time his power will come on his thirtieth birthday when he drinks from the cup of Shalom that’s full of blood of the wolfs tears no one will stop his destiny he is a warrior of Econdire!” The witch said with a wicked evil laugh.
King Luther drew his blade and pointed it to her as he gave the baby back to the mother.
“You will not take my child and he will not become what you said!!! You will die this night!” King Luther shouted as he charged at the witch. She disappeared as King Luther swung his blade.
“Hahahaha you can’t kill me mortal and you can’t change what is to come I’m just here to warn you if you don’t want that to happen then you must kill the baby you can change prophecy Luther Bolton! Or seek out the skull face man named Slaygar he will gladly take the child and the Prophecy will not come true! Or should I say. “Your Majesty” hahahaha! Oh Luther. Ten years from now on a day before your wife gives birth to Your fourth son you will die and Dracula will be crowned King then time will count down. Hahahahahaha!!!” Festus said laughing as she disappeared out from a window in black smoke. Luther ran to the the window she disappeared from then she went to his wife who was weeping and crying out of fear
“Honey shush it’s ok!” King Luther said as he looked with worry and concern out the window.
“We’er not calling him Dracula we’er not his name is Gabriel Luther Bolton!” Isabell said sternly. “He will be a beacon of Hope.” Isabell said smiling.
“Yes That’s Beautiful, Gabriel. I like that name. Gabriel.” King Luther said in his thoughts he was worried about the prophecy.
Years passed and Gabriel had three more brothers Drakeul, Nathen, and Samuel, Then his father got sick Gabriel was ten years old and he was trying everything he could to heal his father he was a mage a healer and he put all his herbs and couldn’t stop his father infection nor could he keep him from getting sicker. He was only able to take the pain away for a wile. But King Luther got worse and worse. The King grabbed Gabriel by the arm as he coughed and said.
“We got to get you better father I....” Gabriel said his voice shaken as he was interrupted.
“Gabriel listen it’s over there’s nothing more you can do. I feel my body shutting down before I go...” King Luther said as he winced in pain.
“No Father!” Gabriel said weeping.
“Shush! Gabriel be strong for your mother and your brothers she’s in labor now so you got to be Strong your a good man and you be a good king but I got to tell you something and you got to fight for what’s right no matter what! Your hear me son?” King Luther said as he was feeling weaker and weaker.
“Yes sir.” Gabriel said as he straightened his shoulders.
“Ten years ago when you was born a evil witch came and told us that you was the Dark One and you was to be the terror of the world til the end of time and you had a different name but I’m not at all going to speak that name and she said you was to be the warrior of Evondire.” King Luther said as he looked a his handsome boy and he smiled at him.
“Econdire? The evil prince?” Gabriel asked confused.
“Yes son and....” Luther told him all what had happened even to the point where they searched for the good witches mages sorcerers and wizards.
“They said Love is the first thing that change this fate and they said have more children as many as possible before My death and to surround you with Love and train you to be the best of yourself that love and good will overcome evil.” King Luther said as he tried hard to make sure His son knew to not loose his Live for others and those who loves him.
Gabriel looked at his father he didn’t know what to say but he swallowed and said.
Gabriel: I will live to the best of my ability to Love and be good to all.
“Good now go be with your mother and the child they need you...” King Luther didn’t finish his statement when he took his last breath and he left this world.
“Father! Father! No Father come back! Father!!!” Gabriel shouted and wept over his dead father.
King Luther died, Gabriel put his head on his fathers chest and wept the tears fell from his face on to his fathers chest. One of the Priests of Shalom walked up his name was Dagon Gibbs.
“My son he’s gone hey come here hush now.” The Priest Gibbs said with comfort.
“Bring him back Father Gibbs! Bring him Back!” Gabriel shouted still crying.
“Hush now I can’t do that I’m not God my son. I’m sorry for your loss I will prepare his ceremony but you mother gave birth to a son you need to go to her. Your coronation to be Crowned King after the ceremony of your father’s funeral. Life must go on Prince Gabriel you have a lot of priorities and obligations that Have to be done be strong Prince Gabriel.” Priest Gibbs said with a comforting voice.
Gabriel walked to the room his mother was and heard the cry of the baby he opened the doors to see his smiling mom holding her baby boy her blue eyes sparkled. She saw her firstborn and her smile faded. She then said to Gabriel.
“Gabriel come see your baby brother! I named him Logan!” Isabell said as she noticed the look on Gabriel’s face.
Gabriel held his baby brother.
“He’s so handsome and healthy, Luther would be so so happy.” Isabell said as she put her hand on Gabriel’s shoulder.
Gabriel looked at his mother and the tears fell from his eyes as well as his mothers.
“I know he be in here if he wasn’t gone but he is I know it. It was prophesied by that witch.” Isabell said as her voice shook with grief.
Gabriel put his head down.
“Oh I know baby you tried your best but his time was up sweetie. We talked long about this. I can’t grieve now you got to be ready for what’s come Gabriel.” Isabell said with sadness.
She began to weep, as she held Gabriel close to her. Gabriel gave the baby to Drakeul and hugged his mother as they wept for her for their loss. They had the beautiful ceremony for King Luther they buried him in a tomb under the castle.
Seventeen years passed the palace grew and the people where happy everything looked great Gabriel had a beautiful women they got married his it was so beautiful they had two sons identical twins Trevor and Alucard.
The year started off wonderful but then an man named John Bayn a wicked king from the deepest part north he was full of rage and sought nothing but power he attacked Transylvania and declared war against Gabriel, the king caused Gabriel to loose his source for food and he cut his supply of water king Bayn got some men inside Gabriel’s city who turned some of the people against Gabriel.
“Gabriel my brother what is your plan we have to do something we have to fight against these basters or we going to loose the city!” Drakeul said as he looked at his brother who was now king.
“Easy Drakeul getting angry at the King won’t fix this.” Samuel said as he grinned.
“He has a point Samuel we got to do something!” Nathen said to them both.
Gabriel turned around and looked at his brothers.
“Tonight we will gather the most faithful soldiers and we will attack and kill that king. I will not loose my city I will destroy my enemy!” Gabriel said with determination.
The Priest Gibbs walked up to the war table And looked at King Gabriel.
“Your Majesty. Think before you act I pray you. I dreamed of you last night, you was dark cold bitter your eyes were as red as the blood I seen you drink from the cup of Holy water from Shalom’s Temple but it was filled with blood blood that came from the Wolf’s tears you must not give in to this anger it take you far then you want to go.” Priest Gibbs Said with a Urgency and a warning.
Gabriel looked at the Priest as did everyone in the room.
“King Gabriel I beg you sir be patient don’t go wait the Lord will make away and give you Victory! Please Your Majesty stay they will come to you and the witches prophecy won’t come to pass! If you go out there, My King. The curse will happen three years early then what was told!” The Priest Gibbs said again with Urgency.
“Father Gibbs. I will not give into a witches curse I will not let a curse stop me from protecting my people I will do what has to be done and show them I am not to be played with they will know not to come against me! Like they knew not to come against my father.” King Gabriel said as he began to give out his plan.
“My King...” The Priest Gibbs said as he put his hand on King Gabriel’s shoulder.
“No Father Gibbs! They killed your son today! It stops now!” King Gabriel said as he gently put his hands on the Priest Cheek. “I will not give in to the Curse I will hold on to my Love for others and the Love y’all have for me” King Gabriel said as him and his knights went out the war room.
The Priest swallowed hard, tears fell from his eyes he didn’t know he lost his son last he spoke he sent him to the market to get bread.
“How...” He asked his voice shaky.
King Gabriel turned and looked at the Priest “They skinned him alive and put him on a spike right out the gate I’m sorry we took him down and took him to his chambers.”
Tears fell down his cheeks he walked towards Gabriel. One of the knights put their hand on the Priest shoulder to push him back, the king lift his hand stopping the knight, Gabriel walked to the Priest. The Priest put both his hands on Gabriel’s cheeks.
“Gabriel please I beg you my son is dead please heed my warning don’t make me loose another son. Listen to me don’t go out there bad things will take place that will hurt you in a way that you will curse the Lord in His temple! Please Gabriel hear me.”
Gabriel hugged the old priest as he wept over the lost of his son, not knowing that the old man was weeping over him that night was the last night of Gabriel would be a human king but Gabriel didn’t realize that the Lord himself was trying to talk through Gibbs and Gibbs was weeping because he knew Gabriel would not take heed to his warning.
Later that day just before the king and his twelve knights were going to fight for their land he kissed his wife Hope, and his two sons Trevor and Alucard.
“Here Sweet Husband.” Queen Hope Said with a sweetness in her voice.
She put a letter in his hand.
“I will be waiting their.” Hope said with love in her voice.
“Ok I’ll meet you and the kids there.” King Gabriel answered as he smiled at his beautiful wife.
Logan came running up.
“Brother!” The Prince Logan shouted.
“Logan what are you doing?” King Gabriel asked seeing Logan was decked in armor.
“Let me fight I can fight!” Logan asked determined to fight.
“No Logan you must stay here!” Gabriel demanded.
“But Brother I can fight I’m not a child I’m seventeen! I killed a Lion and stopped a thief and kept several prisoners from escaping! Please let me fight for our kingdom!” Logan asked with hope in his eyes.
“I know! What you been doing it has not been unnoticed. That’s why I need you here protect my wife and kids stay with them ok! Please Logan do this for me brother.” Gabriel said as he walked passed Logan. Logan didn’t like it but he nodded and went and stood by Hope.
They walked out the city Drakeul, Nathen, and Samuel walked side by side with their king brother Gabriel tonight was the night for Victory! The 12 Knights walked behind them as well as fifteen thousand of the faithful soldiers.
The war began the fight was harsh side by side the Bolton brother’s fault side by side and backed to back fighting the enemies as well as the twelve knights who was protecting them they fault and killed many, then faced the face King Gabriel and King Bayn began to fight each other it was a hideous battle Gabriel took a lot of wounds but before it was over King Bayn was on his knees.
“You Won but I have brothers and friends they come and avenge me! You will not stand! Your own people don’t even trust your leadership! Hahaha!” King Bayn taunted.
Gabriel swung his sword cutting Bayns head off, he picked up Bayns Crown and handed it to a red haired knight named Andrew Archer, who seemed to loose his helmet during the battle.
“Take this that will be one of my trophies.” King Gabriel said as he handed the crown to the red haired knight.
The Red head Knight Spoke.
“What about the rest any prisoners?” Andrew asked with concern.
Gabriel looked at the village that was still burning and relived walking through and seeing again what they did to those poor people. He looked at Andrew and said very coldly.
“We will show no mercy they all will die but slow I will hang them on a spike and point the towards the village they destroyed and the people they murdered so they see why they are dying so painfully!” Gabriel said with anger in his eyes. Andrew Swallowed hard and they all did as they were told and they left back to the city the screaming and pleads for mercy echoed in their ears.
Back at the castle of Transylvania a war broke out Gabriel’s soldiers was fighting for their lives against some other soldiers who was turned by the King Bayns men. Hope Trevor and Alucard was in the Temple of Shalom and the Logan was fighting to protect them Hope was a Mage she used her magic to destroy the last few guards that turned against her, she looked at Logan.
“Logan You Ben and Cole take my Sons and go!!! Go Now!!! Keep them safe!” Hope said scared for their lives.
“I can’t just Leave you!” Logan shouted.
“You must Logan protect my babies please!” Hope said with urgency.
Logan Ben and Cole took Trevor and Alucard and ran them out of the city they got on their horses and headed south. Gabriel came and saw what was going on they went and fought killing every betrayer and every last one of Bayns men. Then Gabriel remembered the note and ran to the temple and when he Got there he saw the Priest Gibbs knelt down by Hope her stomach was carved into with a knife her hands cut off her throat slit. Gabriel fell beside her.
“NO!!!! MY BABY!!!! HOPE!!!! NOOO!” King Gabriel shouted tears falling downs his cheeks as he wept. He stood up anger and raged filled him he cursed cursed the temple and the wolves he cursed everything that the temple represented and he pointed at the Priest and yelled!
“THIS IS YOUR FAULT!!!!” King Gabriel shouted in anger tears screaming down his cheeks falling to the floor.
He cursed the priest. All the 12 knights stood around him his brothers got between him and the Priest.
“Gabriel! What are you doing! It’s not his fault!” Drakeul said trying to get Gabriel under control.
“Gabriel calm down you.... Oh My God!” Samuel said as his mouth dropped open his eyes widen.
Gabriel turn to see what everyone was looking at and saw the statue of the Wolf of Shalom from its eyes were tears of blood that dropped into the Holy Water cup. Gabriel was then immediately A trance he walked to the cup.
“NO!!! STOP HIM DONT LET HIM DRINK FROM THE CUP!!!” The Priest Gibbs said with urgency.
His brothers ran to him and pulled on him he sent them flying back with a wave of his hand.
“That ain’t no magic I ever seen.” Nathen said his eyes widen and his voice shaken with fear.
Gabriel picked the cup which was full of blood and began to drink it the priest and Drakeul yelled!
Drakeul and Priest Gibbs Shouted as One. “GABRIEL!!! NOOO!!!
Gabriel drunk the cup all of the blood in the cup then the curse happened but three years early. Gabriel yelled as his body changed and his face went pale and fangs grew in his mouth and his eyes went from a beautiful blue to crimson red.
Then the Angel of the Lord appeared and said. “My name is Gabriel I am the Messenger of the Lord you have defiled this temple of the Lord and you cursed the God that created you and came against the church of the most high God you our forever cursed to walk this earth as a monster til the end of time you will bring fear and terror....”
The Angel stopped when Drakeul walked up to him, Drakeul look the Angel in the eye fear filled him he trembling knelt down grabbed the Angel by his feet he felt the Archangels Power he spoke his voice shaky.
“Please I inquire a audience with the Lord!” Drakeul asked shaking.
“You cannot see the Lord you will not survive.” The Angel Gabriel said.
“Then please tell him applaud him to have mercy no he didn’t show mercy and he did the most worse thing but please I beg you don’t let him be damned take me instead give him another chance! Please don’t let him be damned!” Drakeul pleaded with him and his brothers salvation.
Drakeul began to weep at the Angels feet, The Archangel looked at Drakeul was a little fascinated how he a soldier who Stern and cold would be weeping over his brother who did such terrible deed. Then the Lord Spoke to the Angel.
“Gabriel Bolton will still be cursed but there is away that he can redeem himself but he will have to find it but he is forever bound from the temple of the Lord until he redeems himself and only you Brothers can help him find the boy that can change him the boy must become Him and he must become the boy and the certain deeds must be done, only then shall the spirit of your Brother be redeemed however the curse of Your Brother will be on a innocent Christian who will battle to redeem the Spirit of Dracula. Your brother Gabriel’s name will change this day he will be known as Dracula the rest of this worlds time! You will share his curse soon and help him walk the right path.
The brothers looked at each other confused.
The Angel looked at the twelve knights.
“From this day till the end y’all are the wolves of Shalom there shall be many of warrior wolves through y’all and y’all will fight against Dracula and all that becomes as he is that choose evil over good and there will come a time where Vampires and Werewolves will join together to fight an even. Greater foe an evil that has been locked away. There will rise a dark mage who will set the dark lord free and become the dark lord this will be the road that may redeem Dracula. But as of now your fight is to get and keep Dracula out of the temple this day!” The Angel of the demanded.
The twelve Knights became Werewolves the first ever to walk on earth. The Angel looked at Gabriel.
“Take him Out!” The Angel commanded. Then he disappeared!
Gabriel attacked the Werewolves and the fight was extremely hideous the werewolves gave a beating but each place they clawed open healed instantly, Gabriel beat them till the turn back in human form his blood was ragging but the. The power hit them and they arose again as the werewolves and begin to drive him out of the temple.
As Gabriel taught them he saw himself in a mirror the monster he became the crimson red eyes sharp fangs pale face the sharp claw like finger nails and at that moment he saw what he done and he saw what he did to the knights and as he saw them in wolf form walking towards him wounded even but still coming he didn’t want to hurt them they were his men his people and he was hurting them and he defiled the Lords Temple. He ran out the temple his brothers followed him.
“Gabriel! Gabriel! Drakeul Shouted.
He turned around quickly he put his hand around his brothers shoulder and with that same hand lifted him off the ground like he was paper without the help of his other hand.
“My Name Is not Gabriel!!! I am Dracula!” Dracula shouted. Gabriel Bolton was no more.
He threw his brother into his other brothers Nathen and Samuel caught Drakeul and the impact knocked them three feet back they pulled themselves up off the ground and they saw his face pale as the dead his eyes which used to be beautiful blue was now bloody red, he spoke again.
“My name is Dracula every King every army will never dare to attack my country or my family I will crush them and they will know the meaning of fear!!!” Dracula shouted crazily.
Dracula said his blood boiling hot as things were transitioning in his body.
And so the prophecy was fulfilled but three years before the time. And so fear filled the land the terror of Dracula spread through each city of Transylvania and Castlevania where Dracula’s Castle was the place which was beautiful and full of light was now darkened and full of fear.
Three days later at the docks of Dragons Bridge Logan asked Ben and Cole to take his little nephews to a safe place he was going back to his brothers to help fight.
“Logan! Are you crazy man Hope asked you to get Alucard and Trevor to safety man come on with us.” Cole said with concern for Logan.
“Yea man we’re young we got to get to Safety” Ben said.
“I must go back make sure it’s safe and send for y’all. And no y’all can’t come with me y’all thirteen and fourteen” Logan said sharply.
“No I’m fifteen Logan and you need to come with us man” Ben shouted at Logan.
Cole: And I’m two days from Sixteen. And your not seventeen yet your three days from seventeen and Hope asked you to save her nephews!
“I know y’all keep them safe now please go! I will not hear anymore.” Logan said as he turned from them.
And with that Logan turns away from them in the boat and went off towards home with his friends calling for him to come back and to not be stupid, but Logan kept on walking. Ben spoke.
“Come on Cole he’s not gonna listen to us.” Ben shouted angrily.
They set out for the other side which lead to a country called Albion and to a city called Camelot where King Constantine Pendragon III ruled and Uther Pendragon was a young mighty Prince who had a Amethyst who used a spell to keep him young for a thousand years. The children would be safe there the Ben and Cole thought.
As for Logan three days passed it was his birthday he turned seventeen and he was not happy for the things he was seeing and home the enemy that attacked the city was outside the gate dead hanging from a spike he heard on of them groan he drew his sword and thrust it through the dying mans heart to end his suffering he heard more, and saw a whole line of them he went by killing them ending their suffering. Dracula stood in front of his brothers and spoke.
“No one will dare to attack me now unless they want to die which I’m more then happy to oblige, brothers with this power we’re unstoppable I can give you this gift and you can be stronger.”Dracula said to his brothers. Drakeul Samuel and Nathen couldn’t believe what they were hearing from there Brother. “Was Gabriel really gone.” They both thought. Drakeul walk up to his Brother.
“Brother! Listen to yourself this is insane! look at you! this ain’t no gift it’s a curse! The Father Shalom Cursed you made you this monster, I will not become this thing you are!” Drakeul shouted out. Dracula looked at his brother with a elite shock look the laughed mockingly
“O dear Brother you actually think I’m giving you a choice that’s rather cute.” Dracula Taunted.
In a flash he grabbed his brother he moved faster then lighting he but Drakeuls neck and began to suck his blood Drakeul went limp almost dead Dracula bit his wrist and let the blood poured down to Drakeuls lips then Drakeul died. Samuel turn to run as did Nathen out the door, Dracula flicked his hand and the door slammed shut in his face Dracula grabbed him and done the same thing to Samuel as he did Drakeul. And Nathen tried to fight Dracula but failed and suffered the same fate. Dracula took a red towel and wiped his mouth and turned around to see Logan looking straight at him fear hit him hard he watched his brother suck the blood from his other two brothers.
“Gabriel what....” Logan said scared and shaken over what he saw.
“Hush now Logan they be back and my name is no longer Gabriel it’s Dracula I am a Vampire”Dracula said with a soft a soothing voice. He was hoping to calm his baby brother.
“What Happened to you what did you do what did you become? This isn’t right Gabriel it’s not right!” Logan said still scared and shaken he never seen something like this before.
“It’s a gift Logan and I can give it to you and you never be weak again!” Dracula said trying to tempt him.
“No!!! Your a Monster this is a curse you are not my brother I don’t want your gift!” Logan shouted.
Logan turned and walked outside straight into Dracula’s arms. Fear jumped in Logan’s chest his heart started beating very fast. Dracula embraced him with a loving hug put his cheek to his brothers in a gentle hug.
“Easy baby brother I hear your heart beating way too fast trust me you be way stronger.” Dracula said as he pulled Logan back in the door and closed it then he tilted Logan’s head to the side and he bit his neck as Logan screamed.
“NOOO! BROTHER!!!! NOOO! PLEASE!!!! NOOO!” Logan screamed.
Logan died with the blood of Dracula running through his vainest and Dracula’s blood was very powerful. Dracula put his brothers in three tombs and closed them up and said. “In Three days they will be reborn more powerful then before.”
Three knights past and Dracula’s brothers came out of their tombs.
“I refuse to be evil!” Logan Shouted.
His eyes red as blood face pale white he looks like his brothers as they all looked like Dracula.
“We all refuse to be evil!” Drakeul said.
“Lets remove ourselves from this Kingdom of Dracula!” Nathen said.
“I Agree!” Samuel said.
Suddenly The Angel of the Lord appeared it was the Angel Gabriel again.
“No harm can be done to Dracula. Like you he is immortal and will forever be so as for you friends your decisions and Trevor and Alucards decisions will be the results of Dracula’s salvation or his soul forever damned. Now go you are the Guardians of Shalom save the world from your brothers wrath and hunger and save your brother.” The Angel Gabriel said. Then the Angel disappeared Logan up looked and said to his Brothers.
“Y’all go I’m going to Dracula!” Logan said as he walked to the Throne Room of Dracula.
“Little brother you can’t.” Samuel said with concern.
“Yes I have to!” Logan replied.
Logan went out to find his brother. He found his brother in the Castle sitting on his throne with a golden cup full of fresh blood.
“Logan! How’s my baby brother? You looking handsome.” Dracula asked.
“Dracula I will not follow you I will not be evil...” Logan snapped.
“Brother I’m not evil! I did what I had to do!...” Dracula interrupted and said as Logan interrupted him saying.
“Shut up Brother look at yourself look what you become look at the hideous mess you done at front gate half of them was still alive! No brother there’s nothing you can say or do to get me to follow you! You can burn in Harcarsh with the devil! But as long as I can breath you never see your children again.” Logan shouted at Dracula. Logan walked out the door and flew like lightning towards Albion and to the city Camelot he was going to do all he could to make sure those baby boys never be in reach of Dracula.
Ben and Cole made it into Albion and got off at the docks in at a small village of Noplend. No sooner then they showed up Dracula walked the land. Cole was looking at the beautiful land, Ben spoke.
“Cole this is so beautiful!” Ben said
“Yes it is!” Cole replied.
“So glad to see my little brothers friends are keeping my two boys safe.” Dracula said behind them.
They both turned around and saw their King they heard the rumors that spread about the good Great King Gabriel turned to an evil monster known as Dracula, when they saw him fear hit them their kings face was Pale white hair to his shoulders his eyes bloody red his fingernails were like claws and talons.
“My King Gabriel...” Cole said shaken as he tried to bow.
“Stop! My name is Dracula! You two kept my children alive for that I’m grateful but Logan will soon join you and I must show him something when he finds you you be dead and the message will be clear of what I can do, and when you come back as the same as he is he realize I could have kept you both dead!”
In a flash he rushed at Ben but His neck drained his blood and gave him his blood forcing him to swallow it then he broke his neck. Cole seen what happen drew his sword and attacked Dracula yelling at him for killing his best friend. Dracula drew his sword blocking Coles blade and he played with Cole speaking to him as each time the blades met.
“Cole don’t take it personal boy, it has to be this way.” Dracula said to him.
“You killed my Brother.” Cole shouted in anger trying to kill his King that looked like a monster with his red eyes and sharp fangs showing as Dracula started laughing.
“And your next it has to be this way and o yes y’all thank me later.” Dracula said as he grabbed Cole.
“Do you hear your self Dracula or who ever you are now your killing your own!” Cory shouted scared.
Dracula thrust his sword into Coles chest and pulled it out, Cole dropped his sword and feeling the life drain drone him as he felt Dracula bite his neck and drink his blood, Cole pulled away fast Dracula held his weak body closer to him Cole was getting weaker by the second, Dracula bit his wrist and forced Cole to open his mouth and the blood poured in Cole spit it out and Dracula did it again and Cole tried to resist but Dracula covered his mouth with his hand Cole kicked and and tried to get away he died with Dracula’s blood in his mouth the blood went down his throat and spreading through his veins. Dracula heard his sons crying he went and picked them up.
“Hush now it’s ok they both be back watch them and watch Logan. Logan needs to learn you can’t take my sons from me and not get away with it.” Dracula said as he kissed both his sons before he disappeared in blood red smoke.
Logan came and saw what Dracula did to his friends he fell to his knees and wept.
“NOOO!!! NOOO!!!” Logan shouted crying.
He heard Cole gasp air and he rose up quickly as did Ben they both were now vampires their eyes bloody red as Dracula’s and Logan’s was.
“What NO! I’m sorry I’m so sorry this happened to you!” Logan said as he could feel a sharp pain in his heart. The pain was intense more then usual and it stayed it didn’t ease like it used to after awhile.
Dracula laughed.
“Well now sense everyone is up and doing good let’s have a talk about my children!” Dracula said still laughing.
“Brother why did you do this?!?” Logan shouted his tears dropping to the ground like rain.
“Because I can and you learn to love it! Now as for my sons you should know better then to try to keep my children away from me. Y’all will protect my children and y’all find a good family for them and let them be raised by a mother and father and you protect them. Yes I’m not crazy look at me I know I can’t raise my children alone don’t ever try to keep them away from me?” Dracula said stern and angrily.
“Take my kids to King Arther and Queen Guinevere make sure their safe.” Dracula demanded not knowing that Arther and Guinevere didn’t exist yet.
“Um King Gabriel...” Cole said his voice shaken.
Dracula looked at him with a cold glare.
“Dracula Sorry. Um their is no King Arther Or a Queen Guinevere.” Cole corrected himself and then said plainly.
Dracula put his head down confused he started having visions that morning and he was have more he shook his head again.
“Right King Constantine III Arther Pendragon is not born yet. Take my sons to Constantine.
“Dracula are you ok? Brother” Logan said. Despite the situation Logan still Loved Dracula and he could feel the love.
“Shut up and Go!!! Get my kids there!” Dracula shouted he could feel Logan’s love and it was a warmth to his cold heart and it hurt him cause all he could think about was Hope.
When the red smoke he disappeared from them. Logan covered his face and shook his head and looked at the children sleeping and he looked at his friends and said.
“Ben, Cole, I’m sorry I’m sorry he did this to you.” Logan said tears falling from his eyes.
“It’s ok Logan I feel good and strong better then I ever had. But we need to figure out what to do to keep Trevor and Alucard safe.” Ben said hoping to make Logan feel better.
“Your right well let’s go to Camelot.” Logan replied.
“I’m so thirsty. I... I want blood!” Cole said as he held his stomach.
Logan’s thirst hit him to as well as Bens.
“Logan the babies.” Ben said with concern.
A mage appeared he was old his hair and beard was long and white his name was Amorous.
“Logan Bolton Son of Luther Bolton the Vampire that will save Emyrs and Merlin and set them on their paths to their destiny.” Amorous said very happily.
Logan, Ben, and Cole, looked at the mage their mouth was open the smelt his blood and he looked like food to them. Amorous pulled out three big water bags that were full of blood.
“Here drink and get your strength there’s much you have to learn. And let’s get the little ones to a good home.” Amorous said as he gave them the blood to drink. Their long journey began.

I have to serve my mandatory military duty for 18 months, and I was considering doing so after graduating from my research master’s program. However, I want to apply for a PhD, and I’m concerned about how this 18-month gap might affect asking my professors for letters of recommendation and other aspects of my application. Would this gap be disadvantageous for me?
I am also considering taking a leave of absence right after first semestequarter in the PhD (if I hopefully get in) and completing my military service. What would you do if you were in my shoes?
Thanks for your advice in advance.

The boy who took my heart
but gave it back after crumbling it
Daylan Meadows my first heartbreak, it was truly one of the biggest learning experiences I’ve had so far. I loved him, I really did, and I know he loved me. But, not a single relationship is perfect. We weren't even close to perfect, but it felt perfect. He felt perfect. What I didn't realize was how emotionally damaging that relationship was until I lost him.
It was the summer of 2020, mid June when we first met. I was thirteen and he was seventeen. That night I was with all of my friends, we picked him up from his mamaw's house. At the time we were in different relationships. He was with a girl named Ciara, and was living with her in Berea. I was with a boy named Sam. Which was Daylans cousin, but I had met him through Jayla way before Daylan. But that night I remember seeing him, there was something different and special about him. We all drove around for a while talking and laughing about the most random things. We haven't really talked that night or after, there were times we would catch each other looking at the other. After a week or two Sam and I broke up. Jayla and I wanted to go do something before we packed her stuff to her apartment, so we invited Daylan. While driving around he had asked me how my relationship was going. Before I could say anything, Jayla told him that Sam and I broke up. He told me he was sorry to hear that but when I looked at the rearview mirror he had a big beautiful smile on his face. He started flirting with me, and we instantly connected. He told me how he and Ciara were over but he was still trying to get the stuff his papaw gave him. He never lied to me about their relationship. So we were always hanging out with each other, but he didn’t want everyone knowing, because he didn't want to hurt Sam. We hid it for a little bit. Then one day we were riding around with everyone, me and him were in the back seat. I had laid my head down because I had gotten car sick. When he saw he laid his head down with me making sure I was okay. Afterwards, he laid his hand on my knee showing me he was there for me not caring who saw.
I was falling for him. Everything about him I was falling for, the way his eyes form a yellow sunflower in the brightest baby blue, how they glistened in the sun, the way his big smile could bring light to every dark corner, the freckles that are placed perfectly on his skin, the way his voice made me feel at home, or how his jokes was always funny, but the way he looked at me, the way his skin peacefully touched mine, and the way he spoke to me with love are some of the many reasons I was falling in love with him. There was a night I never wanted to let him go. We laid there, soaking in every moment. He thought I had already fallen asleep, he pulled me in closer rubbing his finger against my cheek. I could feel him looking at me, but not just looking at me he saw me for who I was. He saw me. That’s all I ever wanted, and he gave it to me. The next morning It was just me and him and things started to progress. But the one thing I didn’t want him seeing, he saw. I was waiting for him to judge me, he never did. Instead he asked me why, the one thing no one took the time to ask. I opened up to him and he saw me, he understood me. He helped me. We were never apart, we were figuring out life together. He ended up living with me for a couple months. He was the first person to meet my mom. After we had gone and seen her, we had to stay at my aunt's house after we got back. The day we were leaving she had gotten into an argument with me. A lot of it was because of our age. Then that night he had to go back and live at his mamaws, but he was always there when I needed him. It never made us any different. He never left, he always chose me.
A year goes by 2021, we did everything together, we were experiencing everything together. Even though we had a hard time with our relationship we promised we will get through it together. We facetimed everyday, and sleep on the phone together. We even had a good night saying that we would say every night. We had gotten a dog, her name was lady may. We called her lady. After we had her for a while we had gotten willow. He and I did everything together and we always supported each other. I always made sure everyone knew I was his biggest fan. One time he let me bleach his hair and it had turned out orange. It was the funniest thing ever. We laughed about it for days. It was the little things that truly meant the most. We went to birthday parties, dinners, get-togethers, we were always there for one another. We opened up to each other more about our past. There were times we held each other on my bedroom floor as we cried together. We were learning more about each other everyday. He helped me eat when I couldn't even move out of bed. He would set alarms for every hour, so I could at least take a bite of something. He helped me when everyone was against me. He always stuck up for me. We loved each other more everyday.
After two years 2022, he got his own place, Sam and his dad Matt were also living with him. The relationship was getting hard, he would want me to stay the night with him but wouldn't want me to stay alone with Sam. I had understood why, that wasn't the problem though. The problem was he didn't trust me, so I would have to get Alicia to come over when he worked. Then he would still tell me how he dont trust me. I told him I could go home when he was going to work. Then that would lead to another argument because I didn't want to spend time with him. But we promised we would get through it together, and we did. That September he went 3 hours away for trade school. It sucked at first we missed seeing each other everyday but we still stayed. We got through it together. He came home and signed up for the marines. I didn't know about it until after. At first I was mad he didn't talk to me about it, after i supported him in every way possible. I was so proud of him, I still am. He had come so far in life and was chasing his dreams. How could i not support the boy who was so excited, the boy i loved more than anything, more than myself, the boy i wanted to be happy. He was happy so I supported him and that December he left. We wrote letters back and forth for three months. I was the first person he called when he only had one phone call and hadn't talked to anyone. When he came home it was like we had never been apart. Every little moment meant so much to us. Trying to salvage every ounce of each other before he had to go. Most of the time we sat in bed watching our favorite shows, talking about everything that has happened in the past three months. Then he had to leave all over again.
Summer 2023 was the hardest. He had gone back but was moved to North Carolina. We were doing so good, until we weren't. We argued all the time, he wouldn't call me or he would stay out all night and ignore me. I tried so hard to work it out. We promised we will get through it together. I went to visit him 9 hours away from home with my brother, Savannah, and sissy. The whole time we were there I had a feeling, I didn't know what it was.Then that night I ended up going through his phone. I didn't find anything serious but it did cause an argument. He had blamed it on me because I went through his phone and the only reason he was mad was because I woke him up. But I forgave him and pushed it away. He always apologized and tried to make it up to me, we always got through it together. I had ended up getting home 3 days after, that night we were on FaceTime and he was already asleep. I kept getting the feeling that I wanted to login to his Snapchat. At first I didn’t but the thought of it was making me sick. I knew something wasn’t right, and when I did I found it. I'll never be able to describe the sinking feeling in my chest, the feeling of wanting to throw up because your world is crumbling down, that full minute of silence, betrayal, heartbreak, how every breath felt harder and harder to reach, the way my hands started shaking with nothing but the thoughts racing through my head, and how my knees felt like giving out each step i took when walking down stairs to savannah. I don’t even know how I formed enough words or power to tell her I needed her to come upstairs with me. She could just see the look on my face. Running up the stairs I handed her my phone. Before she could even say anything I was on my knees bawling cursing him. I had woken him up, and he seemed so worried about me. Asking me what was wrong, what happened, am I okay? But I told him I knew about kaylee, the girl he was in the marines with and he went silent. Every question he said nothing, I called him every name in the book. Nothing. After 3 hours he finally told me. And I got off the phone. He checked on me every hour begging me to call him. I had ended things, I was so wrapped up in our relationship that I didn't think I could live without him. But at that moment I could. That was the first time he broke my heart, because even though we got back together, that wasn’t the end of it for him.
Two weeks later we found out I was pregnant, we were fixing everything we were doing well. I was still hurt but I had a baby to worry about now. We were so excited, we were planning everything. Until I started bleeding I knew something was wrong the first time it happened, everyone told me it was normal to spot in your first trimester. After a couple of days of bleeding more I went to the hospital. They did all kinds of tests and told me to come back in forty eight hours to check my hcg levels. When I went back my levels were dropping, they told me to come back in forty eight again. The day I was supposed to go back was horrible. I got up that morning, and was going to make myself some oatmeal. I was washing a bowl out, and got every light headed. I sat down for a minute, once I wasn't light headed anymore I got back up and continued to make the oatmeal. Not even a minute after standing back up I felt like I was going to pass out and throw up at the same time. Savannah was in the kitchen with me and she helped me sit down. She was going to finish making my oatmeal but I had to get up and run to the bathroom. I was trying to throw up but I couldn't. I had put myself on the toilet and pushed. My whole body drained, I was in so much pain. I managed to wipe myself and pull my underwear up, then I was on the floor screaming and crying. Savannah was trying to give me medicine but I was throwing everything up. She had called my sister, once she got there they put me in the car. I was passing in and out from the pain, my sister was rushing me to the hospital. After they took what feels like every test in the world, they finally told me. I was having a miscarriage. At first I didn't know how to feel but that night Savannah laid in bed holding me as I was bawling, asking God why he is doing this to me. Daylan tried to be there but didn’t know how. The next two weeks were really hard. Daylan got to come home, we never talked about the miscarriage. We fought the whole time because I found more stuff on his phone. I promised him I would never touch his phone again that I put it on our baby, and the words I never thought I would hear from him hurt me more than anything I’ve experienced. He told me we didn’t have a baby together. He broke my heart again. Those three weeks we were together again, I would cry almost every day in fear of an argument because I didn't want him out all night drinking. I had to beg him numerous times to not drink, he would be a complete asshole. But at the end of the day I would try and do everything I could to show I was a good girlfriend and that I was worth keeping. Then he left again, we were off and on that whole time nothing really changed. We argued or wouldn’t talk at all, there would be times where we would laugh and joke about everything because we saw each other. We were the only people who knew each other inside and out. The special FaceTime movie nights and how he would beg me to sing him to sleep. That never changed. My love for him always stayed the same. We’ll get through this together. We had to, we promised we would. Maybe this time we can fix it, maybe when he comes back home.
I never thought that when he did come home it would be the last time I saw him. I was so excited to be with him to be able to spend time together. But this would be the time he proves to me that he is changing and becoming better for us. The first night was amazing. We laid on the couch laughing and crying because we didn’t want to let each other go. He asked me if we were going to be okay with tears in his eyes. While holding him I told him yes we are going to be okay we are going to get through this together. He left the next morning. I didn't see him for two days. He told me he was going to hang out with buddies, but I never heard of them until then. I knew something wasn’t right, so I told him that. He told me I have nothing to worry about because he wants to come see me when I get home. On my way to my sisters I was telling Jayla about him going to Leslie co and that’s when she told me a girl named alyssa from there is reacting to his Facebook post. I ended up texting him about it and the whole time he lied to me. So I texted her and she told me the truth, and that indescribable feeling in your chest, the silence, the breaths, it all came flowing back as I’m on the kitchen floor of my sister's house bawling, begging god for us to be okay, begging god to not let me lose him. That’s when he texted me saying we will never be okay and we know that. He broke my heart again. I was begging for him not to go. I was laying in bed that night with the worst ache in my chest begging him to choose me. But he didn’t, after three years and everything we’ve been through he didn’t choose me. As my world was crumbling he handed me my crumble up heart, and chose hers. I packed up everything over the past three years for him to come get. And he did, he held me for the last time as I buried my wet face into where his neck met his shoulder. I wanted to memorize his scent as he drove away. I watched him turn away to leave and I swear to you I wanted to scream. I wanted to run after him, I wanted to beg him one more time to choose me, to love me, I wanted him. Then he drove away perfectly fine, not looking back, leaving me and my crumbled heart behind.
It’s been six months. You didn't tell me happy birthday three months ago, I waited all day. It was so hard at first, I didn't know how to be without him. He’s all I’ve ever known. But now I've felt so relieved and happy. I made plans to actually hang out with my friends again, focus on school and I've passed all of my classes for the first time in years. I know he would be so proud of me, we would be celebrating. I’ve hardly cried. And I still miss him everyday and hope for a text or call. He meant the world to me, he was honestly my best friend. I wouldn't change anything about us, I would never choose anyone else to go through it with. I will always care for him, and I'll forever wish he would come back one day so we can make it right. Maybe one day when we have grown up our paths will lead us back to each other, and we won't give up. But right now I feel like myself again. And they seem happy together. I would never want to get in their way or ruin their relationship. All I want is for him to be happy and if she's what makes him happy that's good enough for me. Although I was scared to lose him, I now love myself. I love him and I always will, but with loving him, I figured out how to love myself because Corinthians 13:4-8 “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.” I hope love never fails you, I hope you never have to question your worth, I hope you find peace in your sad moments because hunny you deserve the world and its entirety. You're a reminder that there is love on the hardest days. A reminder that even though I was in a bad place, I don’t need anyone but myself to be happy and honest. You showed me everything I was capable of. You showed me the importance of loving myself before I lose myself. You showed me how important I am to others. I lost myself through it all but in the end I picked myself back up and continued walking forward. I finally see myself with love and beauty, as if all my insecurities had gone away. I see myself how you once saw me. I know how happy you would be for me and all of my accomplishments. You would be hyping me up for days, you would remind me every hour that I'm doing amazing, how proud you are, and how you knew I could do it. I just wish you realize before it’s too late, you need to love yourself before others. You could lose yourself on the way. Not all stories have a happy ending, but ours had a happy middle and beginning and that will always be enough because it means that we are a story worth remembering. That our love was real, because loving you is easy and letting go is hard. I so deeply love you Daylan Meadows. I hope one day we can come together, and love won’t fail us. So please don't forget the songs we listened to, or the things we talked about, the little inside jokes we had, or the laughs we shared. Please don't forget my smile, or the sound of my voice. Just please don't forget me.
Love, Neo<3

Disclaimer: I'm bringing it here before any shutdown of AMH because lately, there's random stuff being posted there and a lack of control.

*Deals from 2020 onward might still be possible in some ways.
1927:

• Fox Film and Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer were planning to merge before being called off.

1929:

• Warner Bros Pictures, Inc. called off a merger with Paramount Famous Lasky Corporation.

1956:

• Suitors including what would become Associated Artists Pictures had been bidding for Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer's back catalog. MGM would eventually enter the TV market themselves.

1957:

• Associated Artists Pictures almost closed a deal to buy Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer's shorts library (including the Tom and Jerry shorts) but shut it down due to the (unspecified) price tag.

1958:

• National Telefilm Associates announced plans to buy Associated Artists Pictures, which at this point was a subject of litigation. It would be United Artists who would buy them.

1971:

• 20th Century Fox and Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer considered merging.

1982:

• Orion Pictures looked at buying Embassy Pictures and Allied Artists before settling in on Filmways.
• Warner Communications tried in July to buy back the rights to Metro-Goldwyn-MayeUnited Artists' pre-1950 WB library for the first time. The negotiations fell apart because of dozens of unresolved points, probably relating to the oldest Warner Bros. films. The second time was successful 14 years later with the Turner merger.

1984:

• Reliance Insurance attempted to take over Disney.

1985:

• Turner attempted to take over the Columbia Broadcasting System for $5.4 billion.
• Viacom was looking to buy 50% of MGM/UA from Turner.

1987:

• Carolco Pictures attempted to buy Orion Pictures and Media Home Entertainment.
• NBC considered buying the Turner Broadcasting System.

1989:

• MCA offered to buy Disney.
• Bill Cosby tried to buy a stake in NBC.
• Jim Henson attempted to sell the Muppets to Disney for $150 million.
• Before Time Warner, Paramount Communications, which just rose up from Gulf+Western planned to merge with Time Magazine before the latter went with Warner Communications.
• Viacom itself even planned to merge with Gulf+Western, 5 years before making a full-on successful buyout.
• Viacom was even in talks with MCA Inc., the owner of Universal Studios, according to the same article.
• Ted Turner somehow tried to repurchase Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer, this time including the United Artists side.
  • Qintex (which would later become Seven Media) also planned to buy MGM/UA for A$1.5 billion.

1991:

• In March, Brøderbund ended merger talks with Sierra On-Line, and given that date, it most likely started plans in the previous year.
• Turner's New Line Cinema looked into buying Orion, which the interests of Republic Pictures, Savoy Pictures, the American Broadcasting Company, and Polygram would also follow.

1992:

• MCA and Hallmark were originally the buyers for Hanna-Barbera but got outbid by Turner, which merged with Time Warner.

1993:

• In September, QVC tried a hostile $9.6 billion bid for Paramount Communications before a lawsuit came in, and lost to a $9.85 billion bid from Viacom in February.

1994:

• Bell Atlantic planned to buy Tele-Communications Inc. for $33 billion. TCI would later head for AT&T 5 years later.
• Time Warner Communications tried to buy NBC from General Electric for $2 to 2.5 billion.

1995:

• News Corporation, MCA, Time Warner Communications and Cinergi placed bids for Carolco Pictures before Le Studio Canal+ took over.
• Brøderbund bid for the original The Learning Company, before SoftKey bought them and adopted their name. They would buy Brøderbund in 1998.

1996:

• Before fatefully settling its eyes upon Sierra On-Line and Davidson & Associates (Blizzard, Animation Magic, and Knowledge Adventure), Comp-U-Card International, or more unfortunately named, CUC's Walter Forbes had considered a larger company that consisted of not just Sierra and Davidson, but also Brøderbund and LucasArts.
• After having Broadway Video's family library for dinner, Golden Books planned to buy out Nelvana.
• Microsoft nearly acquired Davidson & Associates (Blizzard) on the first try, but they lost to Comp-U-Card. In December 1997, CUC merged with HFS, and the new company was renamed Cendant, which would suffer a big accounting scandal.
• British Telecom, who owned a partial stake since 1994, bid $22 billion for MCI.
• For a year, Polygram attempted to buy out Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer and Samuel Goldwyn.

1997:

• GTE, which eventually merged with Bell Atlantic to become Verizon 3 years later, bid $28 billion for MCI. Eventually, Worldcom kicked in.
• GoodTimes Interactive planned to buy MicroProse for $250 million before letting Hasbro Interactive take it in. Coincidentally, both GoodTimes AND Hasbro Interactive would be bought out by Infogrames (later Atari SA) in 1999 and 2001, respectively.
• Epic Pictures had offers to be bought by Artisan, Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer, and Disney before PolyGram succeeded to buy it. PolyGram would eventually sell it to Metro-Goldwyn-MayeOrion over a year later.

1998:

• Microsoft tried to acquire Davidson & Associates (Blizzard) for the second time from Cendant, but they were beaten by Havas, which was owned by Vivendi.
• Viacom's Paramount Pictures offered to buy French art house studio CiBy 2000 for 500 million francs, or roughly $80 million in USD. The founder's widow, however, refused, and the catalog was dispersed between TF1, MK2, and several companies. Thirty-two years later, Paramount would get an arthouse-type film studio: Miramax.

1999:

• MCI Worldcom tried to buy Sprint for $129 billion. After a 2001 scandal, Worldcom (name since 2000) was renamed to MCI Inc., which would get bought by Verizon in 2006. Sprint merged with T-Mobile US 14 years after MCI went to Verizon.
• Global Crossing offered to buy US West for $37 billion before Qwest outbid them. Coincidentally, the rest seems to have been a big wave of all coming together, as Global Crossing (after a bankruptcy in 2002) would get bought by Level 3 in 2011, which itself would be bought in 2016 by CenturyLink WHO MERGED with Qwest back in 2010.
• Artisan Entertainment and Canal+ were speculated to pick up PolyGram Filmed Entertainment.
• Two years before the release of the Xbox, Microsoft approached Nintendo about buying them. The deal was that they would make the hardware for Nintendo, but the latter's executives "laughed their asses off."
  • They also tried to buy Squaresoft, Electronic Arts, and Midway around this time.
• CanWest Global attempted to acquire NetStar (which consisted of TSN and Discovery Canada), but was vetoed by ESPN. CTV would eventually buy it.
• Francis Ford Coppola planned to buy United Artists from MGM.

2000:

• Activision and partial owner Nintendo bid for Rareware until Microsoft bought them out 2 years later.
• Netflix offers to be bought by Blockbuster for $50 million, but they decline.
• Warner Music Group tried to buy British music label EMI for $20 billion but canceled the merger after pressure. Info here. After EMI's bankruptcy in 2011, Warner would buy Parlophone from it for $765 million, about 40% of EMI's record label.

2001:

• Sesame Workshop was put up for sale, with speculated buyers being Viacom, AOL Time Warner, The Walt Disney Company, and Classic Media.
  • The Jim Henson Company was also up for sale to The Walt Disney Company, Viacom, HIT Entertainment, AOL Time Warner, Haim Saban, and Classic Media.
• Chris-Craft (involved in the United Paramount Network) offered to be bought by Viacom for $3.1 billion until News Corp came in.
• Before NBC came in, the bidders of Telemundo were Viacom, The Hispanic Broadcasting Corporation, The Walt Disney Company, and AOL Time Warner.

2002:

• Viacom and USA Network were originally speculated to buy Fox Family Worldwide before it was sold by News Corp to The Walt Disney Company.

2003:

• Emtv tried to sell The Muppets to Sesame Workshop and ClassicMedia.
• Before Lionsgate took the shot, Marvel and Miramax were placing a bid to pick up Artisan.
• Viacom, Liberty Media Corp, News Corporation, Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer, and Barry Diller were also bidding to buy Universal Studios and its theme parks.

2004:

• Comcast tried to buy Disney for $66 billion.
• Take-Two Interactive Software considered buying Vivendi Universal Games for $1 billion, which was below what Vivendi Universal wanted. Vivendi Games, after its parent company stripped itself of Universal Studios to make NBC Universal, would merge with Activision Publishing four years later to create Activision Blizzard, now part of Microsoft.
• In June, an unnamed financier offered $10 million for TheFacebook, the first of many attempts over the next three years.
  • Friendster also offered to buy them, according to documents seen by SAI Global.
  • A couple of Google execs visited Facebook's office to see if there was a way to work with Zuckerberg or perhaps even buy his company.
• 2 years after Kirk Kerkorian put Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer up for sale, Time Warner emerged as a bidder for the studio. The bid wasn't unexpected, as Ted Turner was the largest shareholder. After all, his Turner Entertainment Group had risen to success through its ownership of the pre-May 1986 library, which had been acquired by the bidder when they merged with Turner eight years prior.
• Casey-Werner was looking to sell itself to a large media company but would later decide against selling. The potential suitors were General Electric/Vivendi's NBC Universal and the first incarnation of Viacom, which owned CBS.
• Channel 4 considered merging with Channel 5 for nine months before calling it off. Five would later get bought by RTL Group.

2005:

• Viacom offered to buy out TheFacebook for $75 million; the deal would have Mark Zuckerburg earn $35 million "on the spot".
  • MySpace's CEO Chris DeWolfe also visited Mark and his team to buy them.
  • NBC Universal's NBC execs stopped by "for a peek" this year.
  • In the fall, Mark Zuckerberg flew to New York to meet with Viacom CEO Tom Freston. Tom would pitch all sorts of synergies to Mark between MTV and Facebook.
• Before creating an alliance consisting of Pandemic Studios and BioWare, Elevation Partners planned to buy out Eidos Interactive before SCi (no, not Sony Computer Interactive) stepped in and bought them in May. The Pandemic and BioWare alliance would get bought by Electronic Arts 2 years later, with the former studio shutting down two years later.
• Five months before Viacom purchased Dreamworks SKG, there were rumors that NBC Universal would buy the then-independent studio for $2.5 billion. Dreamworks Pictures already used Universal's film distribution and home entertainment divisions to distribute their products.

2006:

• In January, News Corporation's Ross Levinsohn wanted to buy Facebook but was worried the deal might not keep up its growth.
  • Viacom sent the company a $1.5 billion offer--$800 million in cash up front, the rest a payout later. In this case, it's said it "almost sold."
  • In June, Yahoo! offered $1 billion, only to... lower it to $850 million after announcing horrible Q2 earnings.
    • In the fall, they suggested they would pay $1 billion or more.
  • In the middle of the year, AOL's CEO Johnathan Miller wanted to buy the company, convincing Time Inc.'s CEO to come in on the deal they took to their parent company Time Warner. A detailed plan would have AOL sell MapQuest and Tegic, while Time Inc. would sell IPC. Together, they'd offer $1 billion-plus.
• At least according to the YouTuber Hook: before Google came in, the bidders for YouTube were News Corporation, Microsoft, Yahoo!, and even Viacom, the last of which, after the Google purchase, would coldly claim YouTube infringed copyright, losing in the long end, and, after a CEO change, bought VidCon.
• In November, National Transcommunications Limited (or NTL for short) approached ITV plc with a merger bid. However, it would get blocked when British Sky Broadcasting (now Sky UK) bought roughly 18% of ITV for £940 million ($117.3 million in US dollars).
  • RTL Group, who owned Channel 5 at the time, also bid at one point; the plan would have seen RTL acquiring Sky's stake in ITV plc (with the aim of further acquisitions of shares in the future) in exchange for BSkyB taking full control of Channel 5.

2007:

• Google offered to buy Facebook.
  • Microsoft also offered to buy a small stake in the platform at a $15 billion valuation, then have the option, every six months, to buy another 5 percent. The complete takeover would've been well within five to seven years. While it never happened, they did buy 1.6% of the company for about $250 million, a deal which set their value at $15 billion.

2008:

• A reverse merger deal between DHX Media and Entertainment One was considered.
• Microsoft offered to buy Yahoo! for $47.5 billion until the latter let Google display its ads on the site.
• There were later debunked rumors of Viacom buying Take-Two Interactive, around the time of the next one:
• Electronic Arts even tried to buy Take-Two Interactive until September.
• France Télécom (present-day Orange) planned to buy Swedish telco TeliaSonera for $40 billion, but both could not come to an agreement.
• Square Enix planned to buy Tecmo, but the latter insisted on a merger of equals with Koei.

2009:

• Lionsgate announced plans on February 1 to buy Summit Entertainment, but 2 days later, the plans fell through. Lionsgate would end up purchasing Summit in 2012.
• Before Comcast came in, Time Warner and News Corporation were originally interested in buying NBC Universal from General Electric and Vivendi.
• News Corporation, Time Warner, Amir Malin's Qualia Capital, and Lionsgate Entertainment were bidding for Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer Holdings during its bankruptcy. Time Warner already owned the pre-May 1986 MGM library, had enough cash reserves, and co-produced the Hobbit films with the studio. News Corporation's 20th Century Fox, meanwhile, was Metro Goldwyn Mayer's home entertainment distributor at the time.

2010:

• News Corporation made a plan for the takeover of British Sky Broadcasting (already owning 39.1% until then) in June for 700 pounds per share for the remaining 60.9% shares until two turning points came: the removal of regulatory approval from Vincent Cable in December, and the more infamous 2011 News of the World phone hacking incident, which caused the bid to fall to its face.
• In a part 2, two more bidders, Reliance Entertainment (about $1.8 billion) and Relativity Media (about $1.6 billion) went onboard for MGM Holdings. But by November 3rd, MGM Holdings filed bankruptcy and emerged almost a month later when the Federal Bankruptcy Court approved the reorganization plan.

2011:

• AT&T tried to buy T-Mobile US for $39 billion.
• Hulu found itself in an unsolicited offer that was said to involve Google and Yahoo!. Ultimately, none of the bidders offered an amount satisfactory to its owners.
• World Wrestling Entertainment and the UFC were in separate talks to buy G4 until UFC went into a deal with Fox and WWE built its network.
• Before Mattel chipped in, the other bidders planning to buy HiT Entertainment from Apax Partners were The Walt Disney Company, the second incarnation of Viacom, rival Hasbro, ClassicMedia (which would be bought by Dreamworks Animation, which is now a Comcast company), Chorion, and Saban Brands.

2012:

• CBS was also rumored to buy Sony Pictures from Sony.
• People make a half-truth of an NYT article about Valve into "EA tried to buy Valve."

2013:

• Facebook's Instagram attempted to buy Snapchat for $3 billion in cash due to the latter's introduction of Stories. 3 years later, Instagram made their own Stories.
• Yahoo! considered buying either Netflix or Hulu until they fatefully decided upon Tumblr for $1.1 billion.
  • DirecTV and Time Warner also bid for Hulu.
• Time Warner was stated to be one of the buyers of THQ until its bankruptcy in the same year, followed by Nordic Games buying its trademark in 2014.
  • ZeniMax Media also made a $26.3 million bid for THQ's Relic Entertainment before Sega came in.
• Dish Network considered buying Sprint for $25.5 billion.
• RTL Group's Fremantle attempted to buy out All3Media.
• Microsoft was negotiating to purchase HTC, a fact revealed by former Nokia chairman Risto Siilasmaa during an interview with the Helsingin Sanomat, or Hesari. Microsoft would later buy Nokia's mobile phone business that year.
  • On the topic of mobile phones, Lenovo planned to buy Blackberry Limited, but the Canadian government blocked the deal due to security concerns because prominent members of governments around the world have used Blackberries themselves. They would later buy Motorola Mobility from Google in January 2014 for $2.91 billion.

2014:

• 21st Century Fox offered an $80 billion bid for Time Warner, but a potential CNN spinoff was one of the reasons why it became unattractive and fell.
• Hasbro planned to buy DreamWorks Animation to form Hasbro-Dreamworks, two years before Comcast went in.
  • SoftBank was also planning to buy Dreamworks Animation for $3.4 billion.
• Comcast tried to buy Time Warner Cable for $45.2 billion but faced a ton of madness to the point of abandonment.
• BT, ITV plc, Channel 4, Comcast (through NBCUniversal), Endemol, Time Warner, Viacom, Scripps Network Interactive, Saban Capital Group, and a joint bid of BSkyB and Discovery Communications were all bidders reportedly interested in acquiring Channel 5. Viacom won.

2015:

• There were some fears of Yahoo! buying Dailymotion from Orange, which were soon quelled by Vivendi's purchase of the site.
• Apple had considered buying TimeWarner.

2016:

• Before Viacom bought Telefe from Telefonica, Time Warner and the Cisneros Group were bidding for the network.
• 21st Century Fox tried a $32.5 billion bid for Sky until they were bought by Disney. Comcast eventually kicked in and bought Sky.
• Vivendi attempted a bid to buy out Ubisoft for $6.4 billion before ending the hostile takeover bid 2 years later. Today, Ubisoft is partially owned by Tencent.
• Disney somehow planned to merge with Time Warner before AT&T went into negotiations.
• Activision Blizzard's CEO Bobby Kotick somehow considered buying TimeWarner before AT&T took it.
• National Amusements sends a letter to both CBS Corporation and Viacom asking them to merge back. It's declined... for now.
• ITV plc placed a £1 billion ($1.3 billion USD) offer to buy eOne, which they rejected. Hasbro bought them for $4 billion in 2019.
• The Walt Disney Company planned to buy Twitter but decided not because there were a substantial amount of bots.
  • Microsoft, Salesforce, and Google were also said to bid for Twitter.
• Viacom tried to sell a stake of Paramount Pictures to Dalian Wanda, but it fell through, thankfully.
• Spotify was rumored to be looking into buying SoundCloud. It would be complementary as Spotify targets signed artists, and SoundCloud targets indies.

2017:

• 22 companies comprising but not limited to Viacom, Miramax, Ronald Wayne Burkle's Yucaipa, Lionsgate, A&E, Sony, and MGM all placed bids for The Weinstein Company.
• Viacom was going to take in Scripps Networks Interactive before Discovery Communications came through with a $12 billion outbid.
• Comcast, Sony, and Verizon were the other bidders for 21st Century Fox's assets. Comcast's bid persisted until July 2018, leaving it to The Walt Disney Company in March 2019.
• Tribune Media announced its sale to Sinclair Broadcast Group, but 15 months later, they were sued for a breach of contract. They would merge with future CW majority owner Nexstar Media Group for $4.1 billion.
• Hasbro attempted to buy Lionsgate.

2018:

• Viacom, CBS (both would re-merge in 2019), Verizon, Comcast, Amazon (later would buy MGM in 2022), Sony, and Hasbro again were speculated to buy Lionsgate, and there were rumors that a combined CBS-Viacom would buy out the studio, with Vice Chairman Michael Burns implying in an interview with CNBC that Lionsgate, CBS, and Viacom all merge.
• Google was eyeing Epic Games before starting their own cloud service called "Project Stream", later named Stadia, which lasted until 2023.

2019:

• Univision was speculated to be bought by ViacomCBS in articles like this, before Televisa (sort of) came in 2 years later, to form TelevisaUnivision.
• Before Viacom re-merged with CBS, there were rumors of the latter entity buying Starz from Lionsgate.
• Before ViacomCBS kicked in, the bidders for a 50% stake in Miramax were the second incarnation of Viacom, Lionsgate (which had the home video rights to Miramax, at least in the United States), and Spyglass Media Group, who had been the owner of The Weinstein Company's library a year ago. Spyglass was the first to exit talks, followed by Lionsgate a month later. After two months, Viacom went out of the discussion until the re-merge with CBS Corporation meant they would resume buyout talks with Miramax.
• ViacomCBS was also speculated to buy Discovery pre-announcement of the Warner Bros Discovery deal two years later.
• Continuing on with the post-merger 'nundrum, ViacomCBS was also rumored to buy Sony Pictures and even Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer.
• Xerox planned until 2020 to buy out Hewlett-Packard for $33.5 (later $35.0 in the second bid) billion. Hewlett-Packard indicated it would make its counteroffer for Xerox.

2020:

• Microsoft not only (and this was very publicized) tried to buy Tiktok, but almost tried to buy out Capcom, Nintendo, and even Warner Bros. Games.
• Apple and Netflix were rumored to buy Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer.
• Take-Two Interactive was going to buy Codemasters for $994 million and assign it under 2K, before being trumped by Electronic Arts with a billion-dollar bid.
• ViacomCBS initially planned to sell Simon and Schuster to Penguin Random House but ended up in a blockage two years later.
  • Before that announcement, News Corp (HarperCollins) and Vivendi (Editis) were said to be the other bidders for S&S.

Around this time, Lionsgate made an unsolicited offer to merge Starz with ViacomCBS' Showtime.
2021:

• Comcast had some plans to buy Activision Blizzard, at least according to Puck.
• In a better-known attempt, they considered spinning off NBCUniversal and merging it with Electronic Arts, which sadly never materialized.
• Comcast was speculated to merge with ViacomCBS after the announcement of the Warner-Discovery deal, which would only get churned down to SkyShowtime for specific regions.
• Bagdasarian Productions has been reported to have put itself up for sale for about $300 million, with Paramount Global (who has home entertainment rights and Nickelodeon airs the current show) being the most likely bidder.
• Microsoft was interested in acquiring Zynga before it was sold to Take-Two Interactive Software.
• Microsoft was also seriously planning to buy out some of over a hundred developers and nine publishers, and also considered Sega, Square Enix, and IO Interactive in an April 2021 slideshow given out this year's ruling by the FTC on ActivBliz.
• Lionsgate was planning for as long as into the next year to buy STX.

2022:

• Fox Corporation and News Corp were going to merge, only to get called off.
• There were the marathonical rumors of Apple, Disney, and even Amazon buying out Electronic Arts.
• The Washington Post was looking to buy Wordle before The New York Times Company became the buyer.

2023:

• Playtika tried to buy Rovio for $813 million before Sega Sammy took the helm.
• Comcast was speculated to buy out World Wrestling Entertainment before Endeavor Group came in.
  • They were also rumored to buy the remaining 67% of Hulu from The Walt Disney Company, until it became the other way around.
• Legendary, Fremantle, and GoDigital Media Group were bidding to buy Entertainment One from Hasbro until Lionsgate won the bidding.
• In the finale of the Simon and Schuster sale, the other bidder besides Kohlberg Kravis and Roberts was News Corp's HarperCollins.
• Paramount Global planned to sell BET to people including Byron Allen, Shaquille O'Neal, and 50 Cent, until deciding that the networks were a core asset.

Okay so I’m 25 my sister called me a brat, mean, and a bully because I talked back to my dad. Keep in mind I have not insulted him, nor called him names, or tried to hurt his feelings or try to make him feel unappreciated. I would never do that. All I said to my dad was let the doctor to do her job and talk to me, (he shouldn’t of been in the room with me anyways I told him not to) and he’s wasting time acting like he’s the doctor speaking over her… to the doctor. I’m annoyed, tired, sick, just want the antibiotics for my ear infection. Prior to that he’s complaining about me being being “mindless” “not the sharpest tool in the shed” due to forgetting a lot of things meaning (a computer charger) to pack in my suit case for wedding destination spot. For my sisters wedding. Then he keeps on saying I keep on making dumb mistakes like forgetting my jacket (which I got back btw and only forget it at the club that holds it for you) I forget it due to staying out til 3 am for the bachelorette party I didn’t even want to go to at first.
Also prior to packing for this trip I was rushed due to my father hounding me to drive to his state right after my college graduation mind you they didn’t show up to due to my sisters wedding even though it’s 8 days after it. I graduated on the deans list, 3 letters of rec, with a 3 semester scholarship program award, I get a “good job, anyways” from my dad. That’s fine I know my sister’s wedding is more pressing and I don’t need the validation . But they couldn’t wait one day to travel to the destination. I didn’t make a big deal about it, it’s fine.
So yeah my dad forces me to drive right after not letting me celebrate or have a moment to breathe. He basically is losing his shit that I’m not leaving a day before even though I explained I’d be 5 hours early to the airport and I didn’t wan to drive at night. But I said fine and went. (I should’ve bought my own ticket, but he insisted. Yes I said thank you profusely though even though I told him it wouldn’t be a good day to travel.) So this leads to compressed packing from my apartment within two hours then an 8 hour drive to his state and we end up there at 4 am. It was so dangerous driving there we were so tired my gf and I. (She’s a an angel).
Now compared to our plan we were just going to drive in the morning at 5 am and make it to the Las Vegas at 1 pm, 5 hours early to my flight. The plan was we were going to have lunch after commencement, pack, do the last assignment, and go to bed early. But no we had to leave rushed leaving commencement early. The rush of packing also cost me 108 bucks due to hiring dudes to clear out some kitchen cupboard and the fridge, because the company messed up taking some of my roommate stuff she threatened me with the police so I ended up paying more while I was driving the 8 hour trip. A service supposed to be 108 ended up costing me 360 dollars.
So yeah, not having a good time arriving at our destination. I sleep super late because I’m exhausted, I had to drive most of the drive because my gf was sick. We woke up at 12:45 pm and I had to do my last assignment after waking up so late, then after 2 hours and of course I forget my toiletries/computer I was using. No time to think about little stuff. In which this all wouldn’t have been so rushed and messy if we stuck with my plan. Which would’ve allowed us to have good sleep, easily drop the boxes off, and not forget the two items for the trip. Anyways I forget the things so I’ve been called mindless, unfit to travel by myself, and criticized by my sister about talking back to my dad (which I usually never do because he’s an old Arab dude who’s a bit narcissistic/hot-head.) She also complained I don’t have enough clothes (I over packed and bought clothes for the bachelorette, but she thinks they’re not “me”) (it was a gown for a fancy show they planned. But I’m a lesbian and apparently needed something more in my style… whatever that means)
I just don’t understand why my sister would call me mean or a brat? I mean because I defend myself and am slightly irritated due to this whole situation. Keep in mind I’ve only been having having slight back and forths with my dad. I think she’s calling me a brat because my dad paid for my ticket as a grad present, but I insisted on paying myself due to the timing of graduation and so there wouldn’t be any issue of travel. I also wanted to pay for my own medicine because I don’t want the nagging accompanied by it, but my dad likes to pay for things tooth n nail just to be like “oh I did this for you”. I wish I found my own place so we weren’t butting heads, this isn’t how it was supposed to go.
Literally they said I “always” fail and prove everyone right, then they have to fix it. I’ve literally had to fix all of my own problems without their help so idk what the f they’re talking about. I was excited for my sister’s wedding but now I’m countering the minutes to just leave after. I’m tired of being seen as the loser.

Yes, it is that time of the year!
The College of Engineering (CoE) is hiring student assistants for the Engineering Help Desk, starting in the Summer and Fall of 2024! Here is the link to the application: https://ost.sdsu.edu/kb/faq.php?id=70
Here is some info about the position at a glance:
All FWS-Eligible SDSU students are welcome, including incoming freshman and graduate students!
(What is FWS? Federal Work-Study (FWS) is a federally funded program that allows students to gain valuable work experience while attending college. To find out if you're eligible, contact the Financial Aid Office)
You do not need to be a CS or STEM major to apply! But you do need to have an interest in IT.
You do need to be able to communicate clearly in English, both speaking and writing.
Do you need to have prior IT experience? Preferably yes, but not required. At the minimum, you should have some basic computer skills and/or general knowledge about computer system(s). (We will train you on everything else there is to know as you work here)
So, what will you do? On a daily basis, you will be answering support tickets (on-phone, online, and in-person), troubleshooting technical issues on a variety of computer systems (both hardware and software), and keeping the university technology running smoothly. (You will get hands-on experience by physically repairing school-issued computer systems and managing several software applications)
Work hours are 'extremely' flexible! You can schedule your work hours around your classes, with a maximum of 20 hours/week when classes are in session, and 40 hours/week during breaks.
Is this position in-person and on campus? Yes, you will be working in the designated student worker's office so no need to worry about extra transportation expenses because you're already here.
The pay is minimum wage through FWS! However, you may be eligible for an annual raise if you have shown to be a great asset to the College of Engineering.
When does the application close? We will close the application when all the spots have been filled.
https://preview.redd.it/6bu0uiea6p2d1.jpg?width=989&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=d8a15e3788a08de25ad2bdc5dd048763b64a2e77
If you have any other questions about this position, please don't hesitate to let us know by leaving a comment below and we will try our best to answer them!

1. Oh let me leave this massive trail for myself in the Boston Globe and just hang out by the windows.
   
2. BREAD BRO SAVE ME! I KNOW YOU TOLD ME TO CHILL IN THIS ABANDONED SAFEHOUSE THE GUARDIANS WILL NEVER CHECK BUT PLEASE TAKE ME TO YOUR HOUSE SURROUNDED BY OTHER PEOPLE AND POSSIBLY EYES
   
3. BREAD BRO DIED HOW COULD THIS HAVE HAPPENED?
   
4. Every single escape attempt she drags ass. THE WRITERS KNOW THIS. Emily was screaming “JUNE!” like 5 times on the bus. This roughly translates to “GET YOUR MOTHERFUCKING ASS MOVING RIGHT NOW”. Every time she escapes she moves in slow motion. The guardians are two feet away and she has like 4 flashbacks.
   
5. “These letters are a smoking gun for Gilead. I’m just gonna read them and then fall asleep next to them sprawled out when I don’t have a lock on my door and people barge in regularly”
   
6. “Nick, we need to talk treachery right here in the kitchen” (This is also Nick’s dumb ass fault)
   
7. Having a chance to blow away the Waterfords and not doing it even though the house would have swallowed the noise of the gunshot
   

(This one is debatable. She would have to survive the trek to Canada without Mayday while pregnant. She knew she was close. Using the Waterfords as an out was Smart)

1. Oh yeah. “GIVE ME THE KEYES NICK! I know we’re basically downtown with checkpoints everywhere and people looking for a pregananant handmaid BUT IDC GIVE ME THE KEYES”

And others I’ve probably forgotten about. But dear god. I know hindsight is 20/20 and we’re not actually feeling what’s she’s feeling but even real survivors of Fascist governments were much smarter and quick on their feet.
I guess that part was reserved for Moira. The show needed a hardcore, smart and brutal character who gets shit done to escape for audience satisfaction. And they need June so they could also have a show longer than one season. Still mad asf she didn’t get on the bus. Onto season 3.

An MLB never was who can’t let it go.
This is going to be kinda long. As a high school senior, I held the title of being a top 100 MLB prospect, and top 15 pitcher. From a young age, I knew that I possessed a talent that set me apart from my peers, and I knew had to posses a certain dedication to the sport only fueled my ambitio.
It was during my sophomore year of high school that everything changed. A growth spurt catapulted me from a 5'8, 175-pound freshman to a towering 6'3, 230-pound sophomore. My fastball gained momentum, progressing from 83 MPH to 87, then 92, and finally reaching an impressive 96-97 MPH by my senior year. My curveball possessed a remarkable 2-7 break,
The attention I garnered during my junior year was overwhelming. Colleges and recruiters flocked to my games, and my mailbox overflowed with letters from fans and scouts alike. Interviews, radio shows, and local television appearances became routine as my teenage ego soared to new heights. I basked in the glory of being recognized everywhere I went, signing autographs for eager kids and shaking hands with baseball enthusiasts who admired my talent. Even my school held a pep rally in celebration of my selection for the 18U World Cup team. I was invited to speak at schools, fundraisers, and churches, feeling like the center of the universe.
As the MLB draft approached, I anticipated an early selection. However, the reality fell short of my expectations. The rounds came and went, and it wasn't until the end of the 7th round that I received the call from skipper (an MLB manager) . The plan was to start in summer ball, then progress to low A ball before eventually moving up to High A. I was deemed a "project pick" with immense potential. Yet upset I was selected so late I made the decision to forgo signing and opted to attend college for a year, hoping to raise my draft stock.
Winter camp came and went, and as a freshman, I was honored to be placed third in the rotation. Physically, I felt better than ever, ready to conquer the world. However, fate had other plans. On my third pitch, a 2-seam fastball, disaster struck. Numbness and excruciating pain overtook my fingers and elbow, leading me to the hospital. The diagnosis was a fully torn ulnar collateral ligament, requiring immediate Tommy John surgery. My dreams of a baseball career were abruptly shattered before they even began.
My coach informed me that while the university would support me, they had to cut my scholarship. I was still welcome at practices and games but without financial aid. Months of grueling physical therapy followed, though I didn't approach it with the seriousness required of an aspiring professional athlete. My invincibility complex led me to believe that I could bounce back effortlessly.
After 11 grueling months, I finally received the green light to resume throwing. My pitching coach reached out to smaller colleges and Juco schools that had expressed interest in offering me a scholarship to aid my comeback. A private pitching session was arranged, but it quickly became apparent that I was not in "baseball shape." My once blazing 97 MPH fastball had diminished to a mere 84 MPH disaster. Dishearteningly, not a single scout showed any interest. The Juco schools rejected me, leaving me at a crossroads.
Determined to make one final attempt at a baseball career, I dedicated six months to rigorous training. However,afterwards my fastball only reached 87 MPH during a private workout in front of scouts. It was good, but not good enough to secure a D1 scholarship offer. And just as quickly as I had burst onto the scene, I faded into obscurity. The next few years were filled with occasional whispers of my name around my small town. I was asked to speak to my alma mater's varsity baseball team a couple of times, but the adoration and recognition I once reveled in had vanished. Today, I sell insurance (Cliche I know), Occasionally, a random client will remember me and ask about my past achievements, but those moments grow fewer with each passing year.
As I reflect on my journey, I am plagued by questions. Should I have signed when I was originally drafted? Did my ego lead to my downfall? Could I have reached the pinnacle of the sport with the superior training, diet, and medical resources offered by the MLB and its minor leagues? Regrettably, the answers remain elusive, lost in the realm of what-ifs and missed opportunities.
*Feel free to AMA about any questions you may have. (short of answering questions that will give away my complete identity I’ll be happy to answer)

Recently, this line in Varamyr’s prologue in ADWD was brought to my attention:

One by one they fell behind or forged ahead, making for their old villages, or the Milkwater, or Hardhome, or a lonely death in the woods. Varamyr did not know and could not care. I should have taken one of them when I had the chance. One of the twins, or the big man with the scarred face, or the youth with the red hair.

Who are these people Varamyr could have taken? Why would George give us descriptions of those people? Why have Varamyr remember these people specifically? Why have Varamyr remember anything about the people when he’s fucking starving and malnourished and delusional?
Because they’re going to be important later. While I have some ideas on who “The twins” and “The youth with the red hair” are, in this post I’m going to be focusing on “the big man with the scarred face”.
A big man with a scarred face, now, who could that be?
Sandor motherfucking Clegane of course!
I can already hear you saying “But he’s at the quiet Isle! He can’t be in the north!”, but as is shown in this revolutionary new timeline: https://www.reddit.com/pureasoiaf/comments/1cwuytvproposing_a_new_timeline_for_the_adwd_north/, Our timeline of a lot of the events is wrong, so it is possible Sandor took a ship to the north soon after Brienne left (or maybe during Brienne’s stay since the last time she sees him is when she has lunch in the septry). Cat’s skiff got from White Harbor to KL in a week or so, so it is completely possible Sandor went North and reached there a few months after the battle on the wall.
Ok, you say, He might be in the north, but what could that mean for the plot?
Why, because it means he sent the pink letter, of course.
The new timeline shows that Jon’s assassination took place a full month before Theon and Jeyne escape, so none of the suspects, other than maybe Stannis could have any reason to send the letter. So the pink letter:

Bastard, Your false king is dead, bastard. He and all his host were smashed in seven days of battle. I have his magic sword. Tell his red whore. Your false king's friends are dead. Their heads upon the walls of Winterfell. Come see them, bastard. Your false king lied, and so did you. You told the world you burned the King-Beyond-the-Wall. Instead you sent him to Winterfell to steal my bride from me. I will have my bride back. If you want Mance Rayder back, come and get him. I have him in a cage for all the north to see, proof of your lies. The cage is cold, but I have made him a warm cloak from the skins of the six whores who came with him to Winterfell. I want my bride back. I want the false king's queen. I want his daughter and his red witch. I want this wildling princess. I want his little prince, the wildling babe. And I want my Reek. Send them to me, bastard, and I will not trouble you or your black crows. Keep them from me, and I will cut out your bastard's heart and eat it. Ramsay Bolton, Trueborn Lord of Winterfell

Why send the letter? To bring Jon and hopefully draw Ramsay away, I believe that the original spearwife plan was originally to rescue Jeyne when the armies were outside battling, but they had to abandon that plan when no army came after a month and do the next best thing.
One of the first things you notice on your first read of the letter is the repetition of Bastard, and since it makes no sense for Ramsay to write it, it must be some other character who wrote it, and who do we know in the series who loves to curse? Sandor. He might have changed a lot on the quiet isle but cursing a hard habit to drop. Sandor probably really does think of Stannis as a false king with no claim, since it’s unlikely he knew about the twincest considering he spends most of his time in KL around Joffrey or being a regular Lannister guard who doesn’t know. He also probably became more religious at the quiet isle and genuinely despises Stannis for turning to R’hllor.
So how does he know about the spearwives? Because he’s in winterfell of course. My guess would be he went to Eastwatch and managed to smuggle himself on a ship and go to White Harbor, where he went into Wyman’s service, maybe he even went and specifically told Wyman about his mission to rescue Arya, and since most people in the North haven’t seen the hound before, it’s unlikely they would know who he was, or even think about it, considering the rumors that he’s around Saltpans. Only the Freys might know him, being from farther south, but they probably wouldn’t pay attention to a random Manderly guard.
Why would the spearwives let Sandor know who they are? Because Mance recognized him from his previous visit to Winterfell. This would also explain why grrm retconned Mance into winterfell in asos.
Why would Mance trust Sandor? He’d probably do what he did with Theon and have the spearwives bring him and interrogate Sandor, Mance is a pretty good judge of character As for ‘your false king’s friends are dead’, Sandor from what he knows of Stannis thinks that Stannis has no friends, so he’s just having a jape, something he does continuously through the letter.
Sandor has also become far more religious at the quiet isle, so he thinks of all other religions (except the old gods) as witches. His experience with the BwB also put his opinion of red priests down, making him call Mel a red witch.
How did Sandor send the letter? Probably with Wyman’s help, or maybe there’s a dead maester who’s gone missing in all the chaos at winterfell. As for the signature pink wax, the quiet isle does have some trade, so the most likely scenario some ship carrying sealing waxes for trade came and Sandor asked the elder brother to buy him the pink one because it reminded him of the girlish stuff Sansa likes, along with kinda resembling the color of weirwood (remember that the first time he saved Sansa was when she fell on the serpentine steps coming back from the godswood.)
But why? He obviously came to winterfell hearing of Arya’s marriage and to save her, but it must have been clear during the wedding and after that the girl was not Arya, but someone else, namely Jeyne Poole, Sansa’s close friend who was taken away from her.
Sandor clearly thinks of himself as Sansa’s ‘protector’, and his time at the quiet isle has probably made him take that role even more seriously, so when he sees that Sansa’s close friend has been married off to a raving lunatic who’ll ruin her, he’d immediately think of Sansa and decide to save Jeyne, since he doesn’t know the spearwives or Mance well, he’d definitely not tell them and jeopardize the rescue.
As for the line, ‘the skins of the six whores’, I think Sandor’s increasing religiosity has made him increasingly take a line against alcoholism, which is probably pretty common in wildling culture, so he made them give him their wineskins and turned that into a cloak.
But why hasn’t Theon seen him, you ask? Well, actually, he has:

Outside the snow was coming down so heavily that Theon could not see more than three feet ahead of him. He found himself alone in a white wilderness, walls of snow looming up to either side of him chest high. When he raised his head, the snowflakes brushed his cheeks like cold soft kisses. He could hear the sound of music from the hall behind him. A soft song now, and sad. For a moment he felt almost at peace. Farther on, he came upon a man striding in the opposite direction, a hooded cloak flapping behind him. When they found themselves face-to-face their eyes met briefly. The man put a hand on his dagger. "Theon Turncloak. Theon Kinslayer." "I'm not. I never … I was ironborn." "False is all you were. How is it you still breathe?" "The gods are not done with me," Theon answered, wondering if this could be the killer, the night walker who had stuffed Yellow Dick's cock into his mouth and pushed Roger Ryswell's groom off the battlements. Oddly, he was not afraid. He pulled the glove from his left hand. "Lord Ramsay is not done with me." The man looked, and laughed. "I leave you to him, then." -ADWD, The Ghost in Winterfell

‘False is all you ever were.’ We know Sandor’s dislike of lordlings and knights, thinking them false fakers who break vows easily, and he must’ve seen a lot of Theon while watching Joff in the yard and seen his shallowness. Sandor’s parallel for Theon’s situation with the Starks is being saved by the Elder Brother, who has become his brother in all but biology to him, and he saw how good Theon had it with the Starks, so he thinks of Theon as a kinslayer. There is also a moment of sympathy when he sees what has been done to Theon, seeing a bit of what he did to himself and turned himself into due to his hatred of Gregor. So what would this mean for the story? Well, all the Manderly guardsmen are outside the castle and probably planning to defect to Stannis, so the future depends a lot on the outcome of the battle of Ice, which is too much for this post, but I might address it in another. Tl;dr: Sandor Clegane went to Winterfell to save Arya, and is currently outside winterfell with the Manderly host.

The late Dr Loren Mosher resigned from the American Psychiatric Association (APA) in 1998 in protest over the collusion between the association and the pharmaceutical industry and the resultant misuse of psychotropic drugs.
Dr Mosher was the head of the Center for Studies of Schizophrenia at the US National Institute of Mental Health from 1969 to 1980.
"This is not a group for me. At this point in history, in my view, psychiatry has been almost completely bought out by the drug companies. The APA could not continue without the pharmaceutical company support of meetings, symposia, workshops, journal advertising, grand rounds luncheons, unrestricted educational grants etc. etc. Psychiatrists have become the minions of drug company promotions. APA, of course, maintains that its independence and autonomy are not compromised in this enmeshed situation. Anyone with the least bit of common sense attending the annual meeting would observe how the drug company exhibits and “industry sponsored symposia” draw crowds with their various enticements, while the serious scientific sessions are barely attended. Psychiatric training reflects their influence as well: the most important part of a resident’s curriculum is the art and quasi-science of dealing drugs, i.e., prescription writing...
"Is psychiatry a hoax — as practiced today? Unfortunately, the answer is mostly yes."
The resignation letter by Dr Mosher remains a most concise and accurate statement of the corruption of mental health by psychiatry and the pharmaceutical industry then and now.
The full text of the letter can be found here: https://perlanterna.com/mosher

The late Dr Loren Mosher resigned from the American Psychiatric Association (APA) in 1998 in protest over the collusion between the association and the pharmaceutical industry and the resultant misuse of psychotropic drugs.
Dr Mosher was the head of the Center for Studies of Schizophrenia at the US National Institute of Mental Health from 1969 to 1980.
"This is not a group for me. At this point in history, in my view, psychiatry has been almost completely bought out by the drug companies. The APA could not continue without the pharmaceutical company support of meetings, symposia, workshops, journal advertising, grand rounds luncheons, unrestricted educational grants etc. etc. Psychiatrists have become the minions of drug company promotions. APA, of course, maintains that its independence and autonomy are not compromised in this enmeshed situation. Anyone with the least bit of common sense attending the annual meeting would observe how the drug company exhibits and “industry sponsored symposia” draw crowds with their various enticements, while the serious scientific sessions are barely attended. Psychiatric training reflects their influence as well: the most important part of a resident’s curriculum is the art and quasi-science of dealing drugs, i.e., prescription writing...
"Is psychiatry a hoax — as practiced today? Unfortunately, the answer is mostly yes."
The resignation letter by Dr Mosher remains a most concise and accurate statement of the corruption of mental health by psychiatry and the pharmaceutical industry then and now.
The full text of the letter can be found here: https://perlanterna.com/mosher

The late Dr Loren Mosher resigned from the American Psychiatric Association (APA) in 1998 in protest over the collusion between the association and the pharmaceutical industry and the resultant misuse of psychotropic drugs.
Dr Mosher was the head of the Center for Studies of Schizophrenia at the US National Institute of Mental Health from 1969 to 1980.
"This is not a group for me. At this point in history, in my view, psychiatry has been almost completely bought out by the drug companies. The APA could not continue without the pharmaceutical company support of meetings, symposia, workshops, journal advertising, grand rounds luncheons, unrestricted educational grants etc. etc. Psychiatrists have become the minions of drug company promotions. APA, of course, maintains that its independence and autonomy are not compromised in this enmeshed situation. Anyone with the least bit of common sense attending the annual meeting would observe how the drug company exhibits and “industry sponsored symposia” draw crowds with their various enticements, while the serious scientific sessions are barely attended. Psychiatric training reflects their influence as well: the most important part of a resident’s curriculum is the art and quasi-science of dealing drugs, i.e., prescription writing...
"Is psychiatry a hoax — as practiced today? Unfortunately, the answer is mostly yes."
The resignation letter by Dr Mosher remains a most concise and accurate statement of the corruption of mental health by psychiatry and the pharmaceutical industry then and now.
The full text of the letter can be found here: https://perlanterna.com/mosher

The late Dr Loren Mosher resigned from the American Psychiatric Association (APA) in 1998 in protest over the collusion between the association and the pharmaceutical industry and the resultant misuse of psychotropic drugs.
Dr Mosher was the head of the Center for Studies of Schizophrenia at the US National Institute of Mental Health from 1969 to 1980.
"This is not a group for me. At this point in history, in my view, psychiatry has been almost completely bought out by the drug companies. The APA could not continue without the pharmaceutical company support of meetings, symposia, workshops, journal advertising, grand rounds luncheons, unrestricted educational grants etc. etc. Psychiatrists have become the minions of drug company promotions. APA, of course, maintains that its independence and autonomy are not compromised in this enmeshed situation. Anyone with the least bit of common sense attending the annual meeting would observe how the drug company exhibits and “industry sponsored symposia” draw crowds with their various enticements, while the serious scientific sessions are barely attended. Psychiatric training reflects their influence as well: the most important part of a resident’s curriculum is the art and quasi-science of dealing drugs, i.e., prescription writing...
"Is psychiatry a hoax — as practiced today? Unfortunately, the answer is mostly yes."
The resignation letter by Dr Mosher remains a most concise and accurate statement of the corruption of mental health by psychiatry and the pharmaceutical industry then and now.
The full text of the letter can be found here: https://perlanterna.com/mosher

The late Dr Loren Mosher resigned from the American Psychiatric Association (APA) in 1998 in protest over the collusion between the association and the pharmaceutical industry and the resultant misuse of psychotropic drugs.
Dr Mosher was the head of the Center for Studies of Schizophrenia at the US National Institute of Mental Health from 1969 to 1980.
"This is not a group for me. At this point in history, in my view, psychiatry has been almost completely bought out by the drug companies. The APA could not continue without the pharmaceutical company support of meetings, symposia, workshops, journal advertising, grand rounds luncheons, unrestricted educational grants etc. etc. Psychiatrists have become the minions of drug company promotions. APA, of course, maintains that its independence and autonomy are not compromised in this enmeshed situation. Anyone with the least bit of common sense attending the annual meeting would observe how the drug company exhibits and “industry sponsored symposia” draw crowds with their various enticements, while the serious scientific sessions are barely attended. Psychiatric training reflects their influence as well: the most important part of a resident’s curriculum is the art and quasi-science of dealing drugs, i.e., prescription writing...
"Is psychiatry a hoax — as practiced today? Unfortunately, the answer is mostly yes."
The resignation letter by Dr Mosher remains a most concise and accurate statement of the corruption of mental health by psychiatry and the pharmaceutical industry then and now.
The full text of the letter can be found here: https://perlanterna.com/mosher

The late Dr Loren Mosher resigned from the American Psychiatric Association (APA) in 1998 in protest over the collusion between the association and the pharmaceutical industry and the resultant misuse of psychotropic drugs.
Dr Mosher was the head of the Center for Studies of Schizophrenia at the US National Institute of Mental Health from 1969 to 1980.
"This is not a group for me. At this point in history, in my view, psychiatry has been almost completely bought out by the drug companies. The APA could not continue without the pharmaceutical company support of meetings, symposia, workshops, journal advertising, grand rounds luncheons, unrestricted educational grants etc. etc. Psychiatrists have become the minions of drug company promotions. APA, of course, maintains that its independence and autonomy are not compromised in this enmeshed situation. Anyone with the least bit of common sense attending the annual meeting would observe how the drug company exhibits and “industry sponsored symposia” draw crowds with their various enticements, while the serious scientific sessions are barely attended. Psychiatric training reflects their influence as well: the most important part of a resident’s curriculum is the art and quasi-science of dealing drugs, i.e., prescription writing...
"Is psychiatry a hoax — as practiced today? Unfortunately, the answer is mostly yes."
The resignation letter by Dr Mosher remains a most concise and accurate statement of the corruption of mental health by psychiatry and the pharmaceutical industry then and now.
The full text of the letter can be found here: https://perlanterna.com/mosher

Hi all, longtime lurker here! I'm a big fan of Alkemia and own an unreasonable amount of their perfumes, and I finally got around to writing some reviews to share. Hope you enjoy!
Samhain: (A smouldering fire, Tannic oakwood, Raw whiskey, Smoky cedar) Like pressing your nose right against a freshly cut oak stump and taking a big sniff. Maybe the stump is slightly burnt? There’s something almost…chocolatey? Smells like a sexy man lol. 5/5
Falling Stars on a Winter Solstice: (Aromatic balsam needles, a dab of dark musk, sweet myrrh, incense resins, melted snow, and a touch of cabin woodstove smoke) Sweet cozy incense and Christmas tree. Like a cathedral on Christmas Eve. 4/5
Kashish: (Gardenia, Tuberose, Night blooming jasmine, Vanilla orchid.) Creamy-powdery sweet tuberose. Gets sweeter on the drydown. Slightly bubblegummy. Like a white silk dress. 4.5/5
Ghost Fire: (A luminous attraction of ethereal white ambers. Hauntingly beautiful) Sweet, smooth, slightly buttery, vanilla-like. Delicious and ethereal. 5/5
Madame Pearl: (Fine white tea leaves, delicate bone china, a parchment letter from a mysterious stranger, a menage a trois of elegant vanillas, and a piquant pinch of aphrodisiac white pepper) Fresh and bright, citrusy, with a touch of sweetness at the end from the vanilla. It’s nice, but I’m not a huge fan. For some reason the pepper reminds me of pizza?? Lol. 3.5/5
Salome: (A ruthlessly sensual philter of magnolia blossoms, bitter orange, black grapes, cognac, Queen of the Night, violet leaf, Tunisian orange blossom, dark plum, bourbon vanilla, mysore sandalwood, tonka bean, haitian vetiver, cedar, and red oud) Sweet, rich, plummy, sexy. Like a purple velvet dress so dark it’s almost black. 5/5
Book of Twilight: (Cashmeran, Honey, Cedar, Incense, Saffron, Anise, Violet leaf, Vetivert, Applewood, Spiced bourbon, Coriander) Sweet, dry, honey-like. Smells like walking through the woods on a warm sunny fall day.
Dustceawung: (attic air, the inside of old trunks, abandoned haylofts, library stacks, and abandoned buildings) Attic. It smells like an empty, silent attic, where you can see dustbeams suspended in the sun. 0/5 wearability, 5/5 execution???
Aurora: (Cashmeran, Orris, Cardamom infused Coconut Milk, White Amber, White Violet, White Ginger, Lotus Flower and Honeyed Cream) Similar to Ghost Fire but less sweet and without the buttery quality, slightly “colder”. Smells like napping in a big, soft bed in a great big, airy bedroom. Smooth and creamy. 5/5
Trick or Treat:(A grownup confection of black licorice, mandarin orange peel, caramelized brown sugar, bourbon vanilla, candied ginger, tonka bean, blonde patchouli, cedar tips, oakmoss, and sandalwood) Sexy grown-up Halloween. I get the licorice, the brown sugar, and the orange. Like a hot lady in a witch costume at a Halloween party next to a graveyard. 4/5
An Autumn Wandering: (Black Currant, Damson Plum, Maplewood, Charred Rosemary, Verbena, Japanese Pumpkin, Madagascar Vanilla, Tonka) OMG I love…sweet, syrupy, fruity, delicious, smells like Fall in the best possible way. 5/5
Elegant Coquette: (Sheer white florals, sparkling elderflower wine, raspberry leaf, tea roses, tagettes, and with an elegant touch of summer stone fruits - white peach, green plums, golden apricots with a handful of fresh picked raspberries) Floral, fruity, soapy. Fancy shampoo smell. Really nice but not especially remarkable. 3/5
Dangerous Peach: (freshly ripe picked peaches, pear blossoms, peach wood, orris root, and musk mallow) PEACH. Like, almost too much peach. Lasts forever. Super juicy. 3.5/5
Queen Bee Alchemy; August 2023: (Golden honey infused with heirloom red roses and wild star jasmine) Got this as a freebie with an order I made last August. Not something I ever would have ordered for myself (I don’t love honey or rose notes) but ooooh. It’s nice. Very honey, very rose. Smells like summer down South, lazing in a lawn chair under a live oak with Spanish moss swaying in an insufficient breeze. Sitting perfectly still because it’s just too hot to move. A bumblebee buzzes languidly from one flower to the next. Not my favorite scent ever, but man, it vokes such a vivid mental image for me. 3.7/10

The late Dr Loren Mosher resigned from the American Psychiatric Association (APA) in 1998 in protest over the collusion between the association and the pharmaceutical industry and the resultant misuse of psychotropic drugs.
Dr Mosher was the head of the Center for Studies of Schizophrenia at the US National Institute of Mental Health from 1969 to 1980.
"This is not a group for me. At this point in history, in my view, psychiatry has been almost completely bought out by the drug companies. The APA could not continue without the pharmaceutical company support of meetings, symposia, workshops, journal advertising, grand rounds luncheons, unrestricted educational grants etc. etc. Psychiatrists have become the minions of drug company promotions. APA, of course, maintains that its independence and autonomy are not compromised in this enmeshed situation. Anyone with the least bit of common sense attending the annual meeting would observe how the drug company exhibits and “industry sponsored symposia” draw crowds with their various enticements, while the serious scientific sessions are barely attended. Psychiatric training reflects their influence as well: the most important part of a resident’s curriculum is the art and quasi-science of dealing drugs, i.e., prescription writing...
"Is psychiatry a hoax — as practiced today? Unfortunately, the answer is mostly yes."
The resignation letter by Dr Mosher remains a most concise and accurate statement of the corruption of mental health by psychiatry and the pharmaceutical industry then and now.
The full text of the letter can be found here: https://perlanterna.com/mosher

So, Friday I had my court hearing for SSI. The day before my lawyer calls me, tells me I have a very good judge and that he is very easy to talk to, he kinda kept going on and on about how nice this judge is. . He said, it's all just going to be a discussion about your symptoms and then some work history. I have bad memory problems so two days before the hearing I was writing out all my symptoms and trying to find the best examples of these that I've experienced. I don't lie. I didn't lie in front of the judge either.
So, I'm fucking scared shitless bc i am so sick mentally and physically and I have no options at this point. My psychiatrist wrote a very good letter to them. The hearing is on video call (microsft teams)
I join, i see my judge and he looks like a very cranky old guy. His eye brows are scrunched. He wasn't all that easy to talk to, and I was bamboozled bc my lawyer told me something completely different.We talk about symptoms and experiences I've had. The hearing was 40 minutes long. Near the end the vocational expert lists jobs I can do in his opinion, the judge seems to nod in agreement (?). I heard your lawyer is supposed to cross examine the vocation expert and cross examine me to show I can't do those jobs. My lawyer did not. ??? Is this normal?
My lawyer was quite brief with his statements. He told me beforehand that he was this theory that hearings at the end of the week are the much easier ones. Idk. After the hearings ends mg lawyer calls me. He said the hearing went the best as it could and that I did an excellent job answering questions. I ask him "so is the judge always like that", he said yes. He said he would be very surprised if I don't get accepted and put on SSI. Then he says "please if you can leave a Google review of me". He then texted me after the call on how great I was at answering the questions.
So is this dude just lying and hyping me up for a good Google review? I feel like he's lying to me. Especially about the judge thing. He saids he's done 15,000 disability hearings and that I'm one of the worst fatigues he's ever seen . I just hope everything turns out well. Are lawyers known to lie a lot and manipulate?
Thoughts?

I’ve been lurking here for some time….DDay was Good Friday, and l can tell you, I feel as though I have been bearing a cross ever since. A cross of my own making. A cross I wish I could solely blame on his indiscretion & total lack of morality- much less respect for me, the one he claims to love more than anyone ever…
But this is about ME, not him. It’s about growth. It’s about pain. It’s about hindsight, ... and ABOVE ALL, it is about LOVE.
I hope it resonates with someone.
At this stage reconciliation is not on the cards, and if I’m being blatantly honest and you find me in a moment of strength, it never will be. Look at the way I start that first sentence. I’m realising it’s hard for me to be honest with myself in the first instance. I always start the conversation that way….non-committal, with a tinge of hope. It’s habitual. Based in years of hoping something would drastically change. Based in years of offering a subtle lifeline, I’d hope he would grab onto and swing around in a magical swirl of light, reappearing as the person he sometimes was, and I knew he could be. Based in years of me never having the strength, courage and conviction and above everything else the self-love to fully walk away. I always kept the conversation open…for hope, for torture, for the promise of change, for all the wrong reasons.
THEY SAY LIFE GIVES US A MIRROR TO THE PARTS OF US WE DO NOT WANT TO SEE.
I screamed accusations of gaslighting to him, provided written evidence of his failures….then I had to look in the mirror. How often had I gaslit myself? Was it the first time I found a letter to an old lover and let it slide? Was it the countless lies I let him get away with because of his childhood traumas? Was it the endless amounts of self-help, relationship guru, be better, work harder bullshit I dumped on myself year after year after year? Was it the totally shutting down of my gut feelings, the inner voice screaming to be heard that something was wrong? Was it the endless times I berated myself for not trusting him and chastising that, that is why he stays distant.
I screamed I could never trust him again…..and I'm forced to ask, when did I ever trust myself in this situation? When the ding of a Snapchat notification made me recoil? Did I trust myself when I waited hours for the promised calls, communication, plans that never came to fruition? Did I ever trust myself when I said ‘no more, this isn't acceptable’…..I could make excuses, and yes valid reasons do definitely exist. Love. Friendship. Family. Fun. Companionship. Anxious attachment. Avoidant attachment. Fear. Hope. Pride. Strong work ethic. Empathy. Comfort. Trauma Bonds. Safety. Finances. Christmas. Graduations. Births. Deaths. Summer. Winter……….etc etc etc……BUT WAS I TRUSTING MYSELF. Was I listening to my knowing? Was I seeing things and then going blind? Was I saying words and doing actions that I LITERALLY refused to acknowledge were NOT being reciprocated?
I screamed accusations at him of being a coward for cheating....and the pesky self-reflection rages back at me.....How often was I a coward when I knew something was wrong and I didn’t speak up? The countless times I ignored boundaries and broken promises. The amount of times I couldn’t face family, friends, and life because my heart was breaking, or my foundations were crumbling. The party I was having with ‘the devil you know’, too fearful to break free and discover anew. I was a coward over and over again- masquerading as a devout lover, an achiever, a giver, a healer, loyal and steadfast and ALWAYS available….all these awesome traits can also tip you right over the edge into victimhood every single day of the week, if they are not backed by a STRONG resolve of self-love and total radical awareness & acceptance of your partners personality flaws and attributes.
We are not the curators of their growth. Only our own.
There is strength in both leaving and in staying, as long as what you start to realise, is the only person you need to trust is yourself. The only communication that needs to be backed is that voice in the back of your mind that is telling you something is off, you deserve better…and unless that is delivered to you, you will accept the actual REALITY of the situation and together quickly and effectively co navigate a permanent course redirection for the good of the relationship and selves…or you’ll dump the dead weight and captain your ship to healthier waters.
How often was I the coward? How often was I the gaslighter? How often was I lying to myself?
I CHEATED ME.
I WAS UNFAITHFUL TO MYSELF- my beliefs, my morality, my convictions, my worth and my SELF LOVE.
I am in no way blaming myself for his horrible CHOICES, his lack of respect or his extreme selfishness. He was wrong. I gave him every opportunity and platform to do the right thing, to have a great life. He chose poorly....a million different times, a million different ways, and with a deep personal insight to the pain of those choices, and he chose infidelity anyways.
But the flags were there, and I chose to colour them a rainbow instead of seeing them red.
I chose to devote myself to the promise of what he could be, and not for who he is.
I let blind love, devotion, empathy, hope, vanity, tenacity, fear and pride keep me settling for a promise of something better, instead of seeing the reality of who he was and what he is truly capable (or more appropriately not capable) of offering.
I forgive him. He did not do these things to me, he did them for me. Time and time again, until I realised, I need to LOVE me. I forgive him. It feels soooo good.
Now to work on forgiving myself.
It is time for that above all else.
It is time to get back in touch with that beautiful, intelligent, kind all-knowing VOICE that I ignored for a few years longer than a decade. I am going to sit down with her and have a cup of tea, I am going to let her grieve, and cry, and shake, and laugh, and dance, and twirl, and sleep, and eat, and hum, and rejoice. I am going to give her her sound back. I am going to build her back up, devote my acceptance and love to nurture her growth, her capabilities, her path. I am going to believe what she tells me. I am going to trust what she says. I am going to show her strength, even when what she says is scary or hard or does not feel good in the moment......
And I will never silence her again.

Resonations with myself…
I’ve been lurking here for some time….DDay was Good Friday, and l can tell you, I feel as though I have been bearing a cross ever since. A cross of my own making. A cross I wish I could solely blame on his indiscretion & total lack of morality- much less respect for me, the one he claims to love more than anyone ever…
But this is about ME, not him. It’s about growth. It’s about pain. It’s about hindsight, ... and ABOVE ALL, it is about LOVE.
I hope it resonates with someone.
At this stage, reconciliation is not on the cards, and if I’m being blatantly honest and you find me in a moment of strength, it never will be. Look at the way I start that first sentence. I’m realising it’s hard for me to be honest with myself in the first instance. I always start the conversation that way….non-committal, with a tinge of hope. It’s habitual. Based in years of hoping something would drastically change. Based in years of offering a subtle lifeline, I’d hope he would grab onto and swing around in a magical swirl of light, reappearing as the person he sometimes was, and I knew he could be. Based in years of me never having the strength, courage and conviction and above everything else the self-love to fully walk away. I always kept the conversation open…for hope, for torture, for the promise of change, for all the wrong reasons.
THEY SAY LIFE GIVES US A MIRROR TO THE PARTS OF US WE DO NOT WANT TO SEE.
I screamed accusations of gaslighting to him, provided written evidence of his failures….then I had to look in the mirror. How often had I gaslit myself? Was it the first time I found a letter to an old lover and let it slide? Was it the countless lies I let him get away with because of his childhood traumas? Was it the endless amounts of self-help, relationship guru, be better, work harder bullshit I dumped on myself year after year after year? Was it the totally shutting down of my gut feelings, the inner voice screaming to be heard that something was wrong? Was it the endless times I berated myself for not trusting him and chastising that, that is why he stays distant.
I screamed I could never trust him again…..and I'm forced to ask, when did I ever trust myself in this situation? When the ding of a Snapchat notification made me recoil? Did I trust myself when I waited hours for the promised calls, communication, plans that never came to fruition? Did I ever trust myself when I said ‘no more, this isn't acceptable’…..I could make excuses, and yes, valid reasons do definitely exist. Love. Friendship. Family. Fun. Companionship. Anxious attachment. Avoidant attachment. Fear. Hope. Pride. Strong work ethic. Empathy. Comfort. Trauma Bonds. Safety. Finances. Christmas. Graduations. Births. Deaths. Summer. Winter……….etc etc etc……BUT WAS I TRUSTING MYSELF. Was I listening to my knowing? Was I seeing things and then going blind? Was I saying words and doing actions that I LITERALLY refused to acknowledge were NOT being reciprocated?
I screamed accusations at him of being a coward for cheating....and the pesky self-reflection rages back at me.....How often was I a coward when I knew something was wrong and I didn’t speak up? The countless times I ignored boundaries and broken promises. The amount of times I couldn’t face family, friends, and life because my heart was breaking, or my foundations were crumbling. The party I was having with ‘the devil you know’, too fearful to break free and discover anew. I was a coward over and over again- masquerading as a devout lover, an achiever, a giver, a healer, loyal and steadfast and ALWAYS available….all these awesome traits can also tip you right over the edge into victimhood every single day of the week, if they are not backed by a STRONG resolve of self-love and total radical awareness & acceptance of your partners personality flaws and attributes.
We are not the curators of their growth. Only our own.
There is strength in both leaving and in staying, as long as what you start to realise, is the only person you need to trust is yourself. The only communication that needs to be backed is that voice in the back of your mind that is telling you something is off, you deserve better…and unless that is delivered to you, you will accept the actual REALITY of the situation and together quickly and effectively co navigate a permanent course redirection for the good of the relationship and selves…or you’ll dump the dead weight and captain your ship to healthier waters.
How often was I the coward? How often was I the gaslighter? How often was I lying to myself?
I CHEATED ME.
I WAS UNFAITHFUL TO MYSELF- my beliefs, my morality, my convictions, my worth and my SELF LOVE.
I am in no way blaming myself for his horrible CHOICES, his lack of respect or his extreme selfishness. He was wrong. I gave him every opportunity and platform to do the right thing, to have a great life. He chose poorly....a million different times, a million different ways, and with a deep personal insight to the pain of those choices, and he chose infidelity anyways.
But the flags were there, and I chose to colour them a rainbow instead of seeing them red.
I chose to devote myself to the promise of what he could be, and not for who he is.
I let blind love, devotion, empathy, hope, vanity, tenacity, fear and pride keep me settling for a promise of something better, instead of seeing the reality of who he was and what he is truly capable (or more appropriately not capable) of offering.
I forgive him. He did not do these things to me, he did them for me. Time and time again, until I realised, I need to LOVE me. I forgive him. It feels soooo good.
Now to work on forgiving myself.
It is time for that above all else.
It is time to get back in touch with that beautiful, intelligent, kind all-knowing VOICE that I ignored for a few years longer than a decade. I am going to sit down with her and have a cup of tea, I am going to let her grieve, and cry, and shake, and laugh, and dance, and twirl, and sleep, and eat, and hum, and rejoice. I am going to give her her sound back. I am going to build her back up, devote my acceptance and love to nurture her growth, her capabilities, her path. I am going to believe what she tells me. I am going to trust what she says. I am going to show her strength, even when what she says is scary or hard or does not feel good in the moment......
And I will never silence her again.