Great taste no pain free download

Oh hello again my friend. Good to see you arrived back safely. Sit on the floor here. I’ll play with your hair. Okay I’m done, so tie your hair back up. Don’t move yet, I’ll hug you first. Huh? Where are you walking off to now? Sit back down. Don’t move. Remember well that if you want a normal friend, you’re free to go find one. But if you choose to be my friend, just know that you’re my property.
Ah…your skin is so dry :/. Does it hurt? Okay sit over to that counter. I’m going to put skin care products on your face.. Wow! You’re glowing now! Looks great.
Today you should wear the dark blue shirt and the light washed blue jeans…I just think it looks better. It’s not that deep, mate, just do as I said. Go change.
Eh, you’re eating those chips again? I’ll just snatch that away from you. Mercy…you’ve been eating these every day for the past 4 days. And baam, okay, I threw it in the bin. Good grief, you know you have to maintain your figure…and more importantly your health. It’s almost like you’re just asking me to control you completely.
Wow, you look so good in this lighting, I’m just going to wrap my arm around your shoulder like this and borrow some good looks for myself by association. Oh wait, I can just wrap my arm around your waist like this so we can walk in unison like when we were kids. Weird feeling, right? But this sense of unity makes my heart feel warm.
Oh, so you prefer to hold hands? Mmm, that is nice at times, but I think I’ll just hold you by the wrist instead this time. I like the feeling of this better than holding hands. Sometimes my hands get sweaty the other way…plus if I hold your wrist, then you have to follow me, right? Then you’ll suddenly remember that you belong to me. You still want to be friends, right? Right, so then you’re still my property.
Let’s wake up early and go to the gym. Oh come on….. you’ll be glad that you did I’m sure! These bodies won’t maintain themselves, Y’know? You have to join the fitness journey. Don’t be shy. It’s my choice what I want to do with my property, right? RIGHTTT. To the gym we go!!!
Are you interested in Greek architecture? No?….eh that’s okay, I’ll teach you something about it anyways.
You listen to me well. I think you’ll get an upgrade in life soon. Awesome
Ooo, let’s go meet some new people! socialize, travel…just live out a dream. Ah…you’re not nervous, right? Ah…it’s okay, you can stay by me. But just remember once again… that any friend who can get this close to me….is my property.

Not much to say here since I wanted to see what happened with the Weaver. Enjoy!
Ch. 21

• Oh how creepy is this…door shutting, handle gone, and the Weaver softly saying “who's in my house?”
  
• Holy shit why does she look like that?! Don't tease me with the young body but then have The Ring girl’s face attached to it. She's definitely a double bagger, absolutely terrifying.
  
• Omg Feyre, you go scorched earth and set fire to the entire cottage with a candle instead of using your flamethrower ability with your hands and torch the Weaver. SMH
  
• Escape through the chimney though, that's smart. This girl has some bright moments
  
• Wait, is the Weaver cooking faeries?! And is she weaving their entrails or flesh or something??? I mean, on the one hand that's just plain gross, but on the other, why don't you just weave you a new face???
  
• Isn't Feyre like super strong now? Why doesn't she just punch through the chimney?
  
• Weaver is gaining, please feel free to use your mind bullets at any time now Feyre. Also, feel free to step in at any time Rhys and help out lol
  
• Oh wow, the Weaver made her house of out of the bodies of her victims, this is the stuff of nightmares
  
• “What the hell did you do?” LOL Rhys just chilling on a tree, winnow the fuck out plz and ty
  
• Dude Amren can just vanish vomit? I think my question about fae plumbing has now been answered!
  
• So the ring was just a memento from his mom? Makes sense
  
• Thank you Feyre for finally coming to your senses and wanting to learn how to fight and how to use your abilities. It only took almost dying again to realize it
  
• Oooh diving into Rhysand's pensive! Let's see what he shows Feyre
  
• Damn, Ianthe wants some High Lord D!
  
• Oh interesting, so Ianthe does have ulterior motives…this is like some bene gesserit scheming going on. At least Rhys knows not to stick his dick in crazy. Much respect, he's channeling that Lucien energy again!
  
• Very cool developments!
  

Ch. 22

• Oooh some Mor backstory, thank you mommy
  
• Damn so faeries are just as petty as humans when it comes to selling off their daughters…BRUTAL
  
• Good guy Cassian always coming to the rescue, this guy chads
  
• Oooh Feyre chose Azriel to carry her, Cassian and Rhysand are like wtf
  
• Oh nice they're in the mortal lands now.
  
• Quick side bar: what's Tammy been doing all this time? Is there any palace left? I'm assuming it's rubble from all of his tantrums of losing Feyre. Or maybe he's going through all the bureaucratic faerie red tape to demand an audience with the night court. I'm surprised Lucien hasn't tried to make contact, but I'm guessing he thinks this is for Feyre’s benefit.
  

Ch. 23

• Oh shit it's Elain and Nesta! This must feel surreal for Feyre
  
• Damn Nesta is cold-blooded. No sympathy for Feyre at all
  
• Why doesn't Feyre just explain that they'll glamour everyone and ward their house so no one knows that the faeries will be in their town?
  
• I'm wondering if Nesta is jealous at all with Feyre. I bet she's waiting for some high fae to sweep her off her feet the way she talks to Feyre about bouncing from court to court
  
• Nice! No time to waste, let's get the meeting started
  

Ch. 24

• Oh interesting Feyre's last name is Archeron? Hmmm….Cursebreaker sounds better
  
• Also, is this meeting turning into a triple date???
  
• Lol Azriel doesn't want to be here at all
  
• Dinner too??? They just need to pair off now
  
• I'm sure there's meaning behind where everyone sits at a feast, but I'm ignorant to all that decorum.
  
• Cassian sitting next to Elain though, the first move has been made!
  
• Interesting, so human food doesn't taste good at all to fae? How is it different?
  
• “I can eat, drink, fuck, and fight just as well as I did before. Better, even.” THE SHADE. Cassian choking on his water in response is hilarious
  
• Hahaha Cassian found his lover, he's sizing Nesta up and she's having none of it.
  
• Lol she's not even acknowledging him, this bro is in love.
  
• OH SHIT Elain mentioning Clare Beddor and both her murderers are in the house! And Rhys is just keeping his head down eating shit food lol. Peak awkwardness.
  
• Bro…Cassian is straight up imprinting on Nesta right now. He wants that mating bond BAD.
  
• Just two rooms? I bet Rhys and Feyre get the room with just one bed.
  
• LOL Rhys just side steps the awkwardness with his multi-dimensional closet, that's super handy
  
• “Nesta is a delight, by the way.” Bahaha I think deep down in his heart of hearts he knows Nesta has a hold on Cassian and he’ll be seeing a lot more of her
  
• Lol they're talking wages now? And they have banks??? Lines of credit? What's the APR on that Velaris Platinum card?
  
• Awww Rhys is butt hurt that he missed Feyre's birthday…I'm sure he'll make up for it somehow. Maybe his mother's ring???
  
• “My money's on Nesta…So’s mine.” LOL put me down for a dime on Nesta as well
  

Ch. 25

• FINALLY some element bending training.
  
• Feyre wants to train in private because Rhys is a distraction? Lol if that doesn't scream I'm into you I don't know what is
  
• “You could try rubbing it on certain body parts and I might come faster.” Hahahaha bro why don't Rhys and Lucien get along? These guys have the same snarkiness
  
• Oh cool, some inter-dimensional pen writing, NBD
  
• “I'm watching Cassian and Nesta get into it again over their tea.” lol can we get a chapter on this interaction? That sounds better than reading about Feyre staring at a candle for an hour and not asking for help
  
• “Life is better when you're around.” I mean, how long is this little Do-Si-Do between them gonna last? Just kith already
  
• OH SHIT it's the Attor!
  

These recent cliff hangers have been great so far! Let's hope Feyre taps into her abilities and freezes the Attor’s nuts off. Thanks for reading!

How do I 42/M let go of her 43/F?
The title basically says it all. A few years ago my life kind of got all twisted around. First my near 20 year marriage ended. My ex cheated on me and I ended things. It was a difficult period and I was helped through it by my best friend and Coworker.
My friend, Hanna, and I met at work. We became fast friends and almost inseparable. I was a guest at her wedding, and a friend of her family as well. Her and her husband had an open marriage and a few months after my divorce we started dating (this was a mistake).
We quickly became almost inseparable, she spent more time with me than she did her husband, coming to my place after work and we usually spent at least one day on the weekend together. Per the rules of her marriage there were no overnights.
I tried to be friends with her husband but we had nothing in common except for both falling for Hanna. The first year of our relationship was great. It was the second year that went wonky.
I didn't know it but after the first year of us being together her husband wanted to close the relationship. She told him okay but never mentioned it to me. Since I didn't really talk to her husband I had no idea. The only difference I noticed was that she started talking about leaving her husband.
Anyway, long story short. Her and her husband went to couples therapy and she decided to stay with him. She claim clean to him about our continued relationship. He obviously wanted it to end, made her find a new job and completely cut contact with me. I found all of this out when she ended things with me.
That was about three years ago. I haven't talked to her since her last day at work. I miss her terribly. Losing her hurt me more than my marriage ending did. I've done therapy, I've dated other people, I've done everything I can to get over her but nothing seems to work.
I know what I did was wrong. I know she cheated on her husband with me and that means she likely would have eventually cheated on me as well. I know our relationship was probably doomed from the start. I hate that she made me an affair partner. I hate the pain that I'm sure her husband went through because I know that pain first hand... but given the chance I think I'd probably still take her back.
So, how do you get over someone that meant everything to you? How do stop thinking about them? Stop getting a flutter whenever you see their name? Therapy stopped me from wanting to self destructive. I want to let go over her and move on, sometimes I feel like I have gotten better but then she pops back in my mind. How do I move on?

I mean it's not perfect, some response don't match so I have to delete and send again and the bot making a response for your OC.
But the long response with more than one dialogue makes it great, In my opinion the App made it even better. It's no longer repetitive like the one in the website but I have to it try out since I just downloaded the app 3 days ago.
So far I have more fun using Figgs at the moment compared to Character A.I, I think figgs has potential and could be even better.
Good Job Devs.

Hello, Idris here from indieniche.This week I interviewed a Product Engineer generating $10k/month building AI apps and this are the things I learnt
You can find the full case study here

Q: Hello! Who are you and what product are you working on currently?

I'm Daniel Nguyen. I'm an entrepreneur based in Ho Chi Minh City, Vietnam. I've been building multiple products: KTool, BoltAI, PDF Pals

Q: What is your backstory and how did you come up with your idea? Do you have any partners?

I've been a product engineer for more than 12 years. Then one day, I discovered Indie Hacking and found it fascinating. I quit my cushy job to start building in public.
I decided to learn more about generative AI & OpenAI API and hopefully find a good freelance gig. I did land a couple of interesting gigs, but what is more interesting is I found a new product idea: BoltAI - a better way to use OpenAI & other AI services on macOS. I started it purely to learn more about SwiftUI development & OpenAI app development (the so-called "AI wrapper"). It's now my top revenue-generating product.
While building BoltAI, one customer asked about the ability to chat with PDF natively on Mac (another "AI wrapper" idea). I found it interesting and so I decided to build it. PDF Pals recently reached 700 paid customers (about 23% of my total revenue in 2023) And finally, I built ShotSolve as a lead magnet for BoltAI (engineering as marketing, or side project marketing). It was welcomed by many Mac users and so far, has brought 1500 visitors to BoltAI.

Q: Take us through the process of building the first version of your product MVP.

When I started, I didn’t expect BoltAI to be commercially viable. It comes from my pet peeve of switching back and forth between ChatGPT web UI and native Mac apps like Xcode or Apple Notes. Unlike VSCode, there is no Copilot for XCode and I have the habit of writing blog posts in Apple Notes so I figured I need a tool to invoke ChatGPT right within these apps. So I decided to build the MVP in a weekend. The app was ugly but I managed to ship it anyway.

Q: How did you get your first customers for your product (Free or paid users)

I tweeted about it, and posted it to multiple communities asking for feedback: IndieHacker, Reddit, WIP… It went semi-viral and early adopters started to use the app. I got valuable feedback and improved the product accordingly. Some of them converted to paid customers.

Q: Since you launched your product, What has worked to attract customers

Doubling down on what works mostly. That's social media (X/Reddit), email newsletters, and paid ads.

Q: How is your product performing currently, and what are your plans for the future? Can you share your current metrics and revenue figures?

BoltAI is doing great. I plan to support business customers better, and will kind of "pivot" into B2B. Currently, most customers of BoltAI are prosumers: freelancers, developers, or content writers. I believe it would be much better if I could sell directly to businesses.
Read the full case study here
We put several hours into this research and it covers mostly all aspects:

• How he got his ideas to build his AI apps
• How he built his first MVP
• Tools that have helped him grow his products
• Books and podcasts that have been impactful to him
• Advice for other founders starting out to build their apps

This story inspired me a lot, I love growth and building profitable businesses, so I hope you will feel the same energy from it! If you find this a lot useful , Let’s connect togetherto read more when I interview founders like this

So I got this new SSD installed, a WD GREEN SATA SSD 960GB SATA 2.5", on my HP Pavilion 15 Gaming Laptop. I transferred a few small games and it was fine, but then I tried installing Fortnite which was fine at first, but when it got to 65GB, the download was 0 bytes with some spikes happening sometimes. When I try to transfer files, it always goes halfway beofre going down to 0 bytes. How do I fix this? The SSD is on AHCI and is Non RAID. I also tried downloading Fortnite on my External HDD with lesser free storage and it downloads fine with no problems.

I Accepted a Job to Film on the Dark Web
Man, I am pumped to tell you chronically online content addicts my story. Wait is that too mean of an intro? Will this get taken down for harassment since I painted too accurate a picture of the people on this site? Sorry, everyone, I’m sure you all smell like an expensive bakery and have touched grass this morning. Anyway, I promise I have something interesting. It even involves the dark web you uncreative writers cream yourselves over! I mean, totally real people speaking about their strangely similar experiences. Okay, fine I’ll stop bullying you through the screen before you click off.
This all started when I was seven years old and my parents were killed in front of me in an anti-indigenous hate crime, but let's be real you don’t care. I’m just some annoying Cherokee kid with dead parents so I’ll skip to the good parts. I spent years in an orphanage, gradually becoming more interested in death and violence. As bad as it is, I went out of my way to expose myself to that content in the hopes of desensitizing myself. Which ended up working too well, since now I’m obsessed with causing and viewing pain, though I don’t find any joy in hurting myself.
I got adopted at twelve and after a few months of staying at my new family’s home on the reservation, I went with them to a state sweatier than the average Reddit user, California. Long story short, both of my caretakers, whom I referred to as Uncle and Auntie because they could never be my parents, died. Leaving me in the care of their older son, who I call cousin. I’m not stupid enough to give up any real names, so I’ll call him Brick, cause he’s as dumb as one. He was in his early 20s when he was tasked with taking care of me and is the world’s worst excuse for a babysitter.
I’m almost always alone at the apartment, with him only coming by to drop off supplies and stay for a few hours so the neighbors don’t get too worried. Unless I get in trouble at school, then he’d suddenly give a shit. It's useful because he doesn't about the gory stuff I look at, but some display of interest would be nice. Oh well, ninety percent of the population sucks so he’s just part of the majority. Now, with that said, you’ll be able to understand the perfect storm that led me here. During my time on the deep web, I found a particular website that caught my eye. They had new footage relatively consistently and they were the easiest for me to access since I didn't go too far into the dark web, especially with all the honey pots lying around.
I even bought a couple of files for myself to study and admire. One thing irritated me though, the cameraman. He was always sobbing, breathing, shaking, or some combination of those. It seriously killed the vibe of the killings. Something I commented on under many videos, often saying I would do a better job filming. A choice that in hindsight was me asking to end up in one of those recordings. I didn't think anything of it at the time. I was mostly the only one who commented but I was sure they wouldn't care. I was embarrassingly wrong.
I was staying up like usual, but it was past one AM on a school night, and back then that was a lot so I tried to sleep. Closing my eyes, tossing and turning, the works. I had just started drifting off when I heard the front door open. I remained calm but immediately found it weird since Brick never showed up this late. The thuds of the individual's feet grew louder as they got closer to my bedroom. I tried to convince myself it wasn't a stranger, especially since they got in with ease, but I knew that was wishful thinking.
They hummed as they opened my door. My dumbass had left it unlocked. I remained on my side, trying to look like I was asleep. They turned on the flashlight of their phone, shining it in my face. It was hard but I stayed still while they traced it over my features. I could tell they were smiling as they clicked their tongue.
“Heh, I knew it was a brat,” they whispered to themselves, pulling tangles out of my hair. Something I struggled not to groan from. They pulled up the hair over my ear and got so close spit got on my ear lobe.
“I know you’re awake kid,” they murmured, putting a blade to my neck. I let them grab my shoulder and move me onto my back, I knew how to fight but I wasn't about to take that big a risk with the position they had me in.
“You think you’re so cool saying you can do better than our guy.” they snickered, kneeling, their flashlight still shining in my face.
“Do you seriously believe that?” they questioned, moving the light away.
“Yeah, I do.” I stood my ground, they might have been intimidating but I wasn't gonna let that stop me from being honest.
“I wouldn't sound like I’m gonna piss myself every time it gets gory. I’m confident I could get better footage too, getting up close is something I’ve fantasized about.”
They clicked their tongue again and ran their finger over the bridge of my nose.
”Well, I know you’re a big fan of what we do, and you’re confidence makes me think you got something to back those claims up, so how’d you like a deal?”
I was surprised by how civil they were being aside from the touching and weapon against my throat.
“What kind of deal?” I asked, for all I knew this guy wanted me to lick their feet or some weird shit like that. They placed a finger underneath my eye, tracing a half moon with their nail.
“You have till this Friday to film a video of you killing an animal and put it on a flash drive that I’ll pick up here. If it impresses me and the crew we’ll hire ya with a handsome salary.” They began, moving their hand down to my cheek.
“But if you don't show, or it doesn't meet our standards, then I’m fucking up one of the parts of your face.” They warned, pinching my skin harshly.
“And if I say no to this deal?”
They put their hand over my mouth, scratching my lips.
“That’s cute, if you say no I’ll just slit your throat.” they grinned.
“Or rip it open with my teeth if you got a preference,” they smirked, before running their tongue across their sharp teeth.
“Okay, since I have no choice I’ll go with it, but I’m telling you now I can give you something way better than what you likely expect of me.” I prefaced, looking into their sunken eyes. They scratched my scalp, including the side of my head that was shaved.
“Good choice, I’ll be back to pick it up and if you're not here I’ll assume you don’t have the video. I genuinely wish you luck, because you’ll need it.” they removed the blade from my neck and walked away. I sat still for a few minutes in the dark, processing what had happened and wondering how they got into my apartment with such ease. I was confident I could blow their sniveling excuse of a cameraman out of the water, but I was worried about the people I was getting caught up with.
Sure, I had been on a lot of gore sites over the years but I was always just watching and occasionally commenting. Compared to most in the scene I wasn't much of a threat. I could defend myself and have contemplated killing for years but I hadn't murdered anyone or worse. Plus, I am part of way too many targeted groups to not be constantly at risk. Teenage, fem-leaning, two-spirit, indigenous kid with trauma? Yeah, I might as well be walking sign screaming “Hate crime me”.
So yeah, there was a lot to worry about. Regardless, I couldn't let that fear hold me back. I had a job to do and a group of sickos to appease. The next morning was rough, I got no sleep cause I’d spent all night brainstorming. I barely mustered the energy to change and drank straight mouthwash instead of brushing my teeth. Slogging onto the bus with drool on my cheek, I went to the back like usual. No one sat there cause, the seats were extra worn down, and I scared off anyone who attempted to with my active, rabies-infected bitch face. That day was different though.
I blanked on his name and where I knew him from, but I recognized his wavy hair and prominent curved nose. He glanced at each seat on the bus, before somehow settling on my area. He tried to give me space but ultimately seated himself beside me after realizing it was the only spot that didn't look like it would give him cancer. I glared at him as I did with everyone, but it didn't phase him.
“You know you could pick anywhere else right?” I murmured. He stared at the floor, then at me.
“I’m aware, but a few months ago I started a mission to sit on every part of this bus, and this is the last place.” he smiled, his lips softly curving at the sides.
“What’s the point of that?”
His mouth moved into a more neutral position, but his eyes kept smiling.
“I just thought it would be neat to see the same place from a bunch of different perspectives.” he took out his phone and snapped a photo from the point of view where he was sitting. Maybe my sleepiness made my bitch face less effective, cause he hadn't shown a hint of fear, which kind of annoyed me.
“That’s cool I guess, but I wouldn't do that if I were you. I’ve done some back here alone that would make your skin crawl.” in hindsight my attempt at unnerving him just made me sound like a pervert, which is probably why he held back laughter. Trying to hide a chuckle by clearing his throat.
“Hey, it's not my business what you do, no matter how Haram it is. It’s your life so that’s between you and whatever you believe in. Just don’t shake hands with me.” he joked, playfully putting his hands up. Strangely, I remembered his name at that moment.
“Oh shit, you’re Abdul! We have art together.” I sat up, haphazardly slamming my hand down on my leg.
“Uh yeah, I’ve seen some of your paintings, they’re pretty cool. I like the way you texture them, I’m trying to work on that.” he complimented, seeming more weirded out by my sudden energy than my accidental insinuation. I felt a little stupid for yelling his name but decided not to dwell on it.
“Thanks, you’re stuff is nice, and you’re good at shading.”
He stretched his arms while thanking me. We talked for a few more minutes, taking jabs at each other throughout. Turns out he was better at being an asshole than his artsy charismatic appearance made me think. The thing setting our insults apart being that you could tell he was a loving person underneath. It was the nicest conversation I had with anyone in a while. Though he could tell I was tired so he quieted down, letting me sleep, waking me when we got to school. We went our separate ways until the last two periods we shared. All that time, I spent my remaining energy plotting how I was going to handle the video. What I’d kill, record with, and how to dispose of the evidence. It was a lot to consider, but through three classes I devised a plan.
I’d find a stray around my apartment complex and take it out in my room. Record it on a portable camera since I broke the ones on my phone, no, I will not be answering how that happened. Then once I had my footage I’d put the body in a trash bag, throw it in the complex’s garbage, and clean the blood off my floor. It didn't seem like Brick would come by so he wasn't a factor I thought I’d have to consider. The plan was almost too easy, but I decided to believe in Occam’s razor. I got so lost in thought that by the time I reached Art, which was my second-to-last period, I didn't process that we were moving seats.
“She called your name,” Abdul reminded me. Our teacher placed us next to each other at our four-person table. The two girls sitting with us were already friends, so I didn't bother to say anything, but I was interested in talking to him more.
“So, what do you think of this assignment?” He shrugged, taking out his sketchbook.
“I’m not that good at drawing people, but the idea of combining two people’s faces into a portrait seems interesting. Any ideas on who you’ll pick?”
“Probably the members of the music duo Brain Tumor, they’re my favorite artists and they both look weird as hell.”
“Wow way to talk about your favorites, if that’s what you say about them I can‘t imagine what you have to say about me.” he joked, pulling up reference pictures.
“First, it’s not an insult, second I don’t have anything to say about you. Brain and Tumor have features and styles that make them stand out. Sure they’re ugly, but it just adds to their visual charm. Hot people are boring, there’s nothing to pick at.” I explained, unzipping my bag.
“Oh, so you’re saying you think I’m hot.”
His comment wasn’t serious but it kind of got to me.
“Shit, that’s not what I meant, I was trying to say you’re boring. All hot people are boring, but not all boring people are hot, okay?” I explained, flipping to a clean page.
“Alright, but if I’m so bland then why talk to me?”
I hesitated, contemplating how much of a dick I was gonna be.
“Because it means you probably need some spice in your life, which I can provide.”
He began sketching a head on his paper.
“I like spices, but I feel like you’re the kind of person to dump a cabinet’s worth onto me.”
I flicked my pencil over to his side of the desk, putting on a mocking grin.
“Aww, you scared I’m gonna get you into trouble?”
He picked up the pencil and started using it, putting his on my side.
“No, ‘cause I’m good at setting boundaries. I’m more concerned that you’ll get annoyed with how unafraid of you I am.”
I stared at him for a moment, I hadn't expected to hear that.
“Jeez, man you didn't have to read me like that.”
He shrugged, observing the red paint from past projects that lay on my pencil.
“It's not hard to figure out, just this morning you were trying to push me away on the bus. Lucky, or unlucky, for you I want you to have a friend and you seem like a fun person.”
“Wait are you saying I have no friends?” I squinted at him.
“Well, do you?”
I didn't answer.
“If your response is silence I suggest you take up my offer.”
I was stunned, to be honest. No one had offered to be my friend since 6th grade, and that didn't last long. Of course, I accepted it, but for the rest of the period, there was an awkwardness in my mind. As pathetic as it sounds I wasn't used to others genuinely enjoying my company like he did. Which was partly by design cause I get joy out of scaring people away, but still. I forgot how it felt to have conversations about normal things like art. He had such a nice smile too, usually when I see a grin I want to slap it off, but I liked his. His voice was also nice, it’s hard to describe what in particular but it was easy on the ears.
Okay, I’m starting to get off-topic. I’ll skip to the important part. Toward the end of class, he started talking about how he was interested in filmmaking and got a portable video camera as a gift at last year’s Eid. He didn't have it on him, but he showed me a picture.
“Heh, that’s funny, I bought the same one a month ago.” I pointed out.
“Yeah, it's a popular model, I’m still getting the hang of it though cause I’m so used to using my phone.”
“Well, maybe I could bring you over to my place or vice versa after school and I can help you out.” I suggested.
He smiled, putting his phone back in his pocket.
“I thought you said you’ve only had it for a month? You know I can always look up tutorials from trained professionals.” he reminded me with a notable smugness that I'd used with him before.
“Well those guys are stuffy and I’m a fast learner.”
He redirected his attention back to his page, picking his pencil up.
“Alright, I suggest we go somewhere public instead. You’re not exactly the kind of person I want to bring home to my parents right away. Plus they always need to meet my friends and their guardians before I hang out at their home.”
I gave an exaggerated sigh, stretching my back.
“Aw man, looks like we can’t get high in my murder pit during our first hangout.”
He didn't respond for a solid few seconds.
“Wait, you do know I'm joking right?”
He shrugged, the smile in his eyes appearing again.
“I mean, one of those things is a little less believable than the other.” he snickered, and I laughed with him.
We set up a time and a date, which is where I screwed myself. He ended up being busy with projects from his other classes and family which just left us with Friday, the same day I had to submit the video. Now, did I tell him I wouldn't be able to make it? No, of course not, because I decided to be stupid and even more overconfident. I said that I’d one hundred percent be able to hang out with him after school like I didn't have a mutilator who was going to drop by my place at an unknown time.
The rest of the day went over fine but that bad timing led me to feel like a dick later. When I got home I was able to write out my plan, even sketching a few specifics of what I’d do. It was more exciting than when I’d been brainstorming, but this is when the gravity of the situation began to set in. When I said I’d fantasized about killings I meant it. I mean my teddy with twenty-five stab wounds should say enough. Regardless this would be the first time real blood was on my hands.
It made me feel powerful, but a little afraid. I’ve heard stories of people thinking that it would be an awesome experience and then feeling like shit. I doubted I’d be one of those people but still. Plus, I didn't exactly trust the guy who gave me this job. There was a good chance that this whole situation was rigged and they’d kill me no matter how good the video was. Or worse turn me into the feds and expose my collection. Honestly, if that happened I’d probably eat a shot to avoid going to jail. Wait, can I say that on this platform? Okay to the mods, that was a joke, I want to live a long life. Ugh, I’m doing a terrible job of staying on track. The point is there was a lot up in the air despite it being a matter of life or death.
I knew I’d go through with it but it was still a lot less straightforward than it initially seemed. I wracked my brain to remember where most of the cats stayed and tried to come up with a good way to lure one without raising suspicion. This also proved harder than first thought because I didn't think to account for the cat man, an old guy who lived alone and fed all the cats in our dingy complex while also housing a few. Knowing how obsessive he was he’d probably notice if one of them disappeared. Then again not all the cats return consistently or at all. It makes more sense that he’d think one of them was run over rather than slaughtered. It was getting late again so I rested my head for a moment, a bad move cause I ended up falling asleep at my desk. Not even changing out of the clothes I’d worn before, I woke up late and barely caught the bus the next morning.
I went to my usual spot but Abdul had already taken it. He patted the area next to it, which he’d covered in a towel, a smart move knowing how nasty it was. People gave me a few dirty looks as normal, which I smiled at. I stretched, my mind slightly less out of it than the previous morning.
“Uh, you do realize that-”
“Yeah, I know I’m wearing the same clothes.”
Abdul looked me up and down, his eyes remaining soft, but with a mix of concern and judgment. He set his backpack down and took off his sweater handing it to me.
“Dude what are you-”
“Look I don't know what led to you not being able to change but I think you should at least have a fresh top.”
I was surprised he was offering me something to wear but I took it.
“Uh, thanks, I’ll change into it later.”
He nodded as I put it in my backpack.
“You know you didn't have to do that.” I reminded him.
“Well there’s a lot of stuff I don’t have to do, but I do it because I want to, and I wanted to help you out.”
He smiled, his face still warmer than an Arizona summer. I got a strange feeling in my chest at that moment, I still can’t tell if it was good or bad.
“Well, thanks, I'll give it back to you tomorrow.”
We talked a little more and he mentioned something that caught my attention.
“Have you heard about all the animals that have been turning up dead?”
My eyes widened with surprise.
“No, I haven't, when did you hear about that?”
He pulled on his long-sleeve shirt.
“My sister said her friend who works at a shelter noticed a bunch of animals were getting adopted by people around the same time, and since then gore videos with them have been showing up. She found out through her co-worker who was emailed it by some random creep.”
I covered my mouth and looked away to hide the smile growing on my face. He had just given me the perfect cover-up without knowing. Now if I killed an animal people had an entire violent ring to connect it to instead of me! I stayed quiet for a minute because I could tell he’d likely see through any phony sad sounds I made.
“Oh wow, that’s awful, do you think they’ll ever find out the people behind it?”
He sighed, running his hand through his wavy hair.
“I hope so, for now, all we can do is pray that no more animals get hurt.”
I couldn't contain my grin as he said that so sincerely like animals and people didn't die constantly and that taking down one group would somehow stop the issue.
“Is there some joke I don’t get?” he furrowed his brow.
“Uh, no, sorry I smile when nervous.”
His gaze softened again, and he didn't press further.
His bringing up the animal killings ended up being the exact push I needed to get my hands dirty. I’d spent the entire day before planning so it was time to put that plan into action. I stole some cat treats that the cat man had laid out and spread them around my apartment which was on the bottom floor. Waiting for one of them to take the bate outside my window was pretty boring but one of them came after a few minutes. A scraggly brown and black cat with a tuft of fur missing on one side of his head. It's messed up but I felt like a little less of an asshole for taking him in since he looked like he was already struggling. I scooped him up and he didn't attempt to fight back.
“Hey there buddy” I waved, feeding him some more food. His eyes had a lot of crust on them, it was kinda gross but I don’t have the right to say with how often I wash my jeans. After a minute or two he let me pet him. I knew making any kind of attachment was bad but I thought it was the right thing to do so he’d fall into a sense of security. I was just about to take him into my room when the door opened.
“Hey, I’m back with groceries!” my shithead cousin announced with two plastic bags in his hands. He looked down to see me with the cat, his eyebrows raising.
“Aw come on, you know we can’t afford a pet.”
He groaned placing the bags on a table and unloading them.
“I know, but he doesn't look like he’s got a lot of life in him I at least want to help him feel better before he kicks the bucket!”
Brick rolled his eyes, putting the cereal box on top of the fridge
“Jeez, did you even think about what diseases he might have? His eyes look puffy what if he has something that can get you sick?”
He had valid concerns which was surprising since he’s usually stupid, but I was still annoyed with him.
“I’m sure he’s fine, I’ll even try to wash him, just please let me hold onto him for a little.”
He folded his arms looking down at us.
“Have you even named him?”
I froze for a second, before using the first thing that came to mind, which ended up being pretty awful knowing my plans.
“Cash cow.” I blurted, awkwardly patting his head.
“Honestly that’s better than what I was expecting. I was sure you’d pick ‘Hellspawn Mcgee’ or something else corny.”
He meant to make fun of me but honestly, I would have named him that if I had more time.
“Ugh, anyway I got those dumb chips you like.”
He then pulled out a bag of the wrong chips.
“Dude those are the wrong ones, this is the third time you’ve mixed up the flavors.”
He threw them at me, scaring the cat slightly.
“Well, I pay for it so you shouldn't be so picky. Anyway, while I was in line I picked up something you might be into.”
He then tossed me a trashy teen magazine. One of my least favorite sorry excuses for an influencer on the cover.
“This is a joke, right?”
I couldn't believe my own adopted brother gave such little shit in my interests.
“I don't know, you decided to start being a girl for real this time so I thought the makeup tips on page ten would help you out.”
I scrunched my face at his comment.
“Dude I’ve been this way for years, just because I started wearing more makeup and dresses doesn't mean I’m more of a girl than when I didn't. I know you won’t get the two-spirit thing but come on.”
He shrugged, seeing me done with me even though he’d just shown up.
“Yeah well hey I’m trying. Anyway, just so you know a friend of mine is coming here Friday.”
My heart stopped.
“Wait why here? You live elsewhere why can’t you assholes go there or their place!”
He slammed his fist on the table.
“Will you shut the fuck up!”
He screamed with a phrase I’d grown numb to.
“I don't know, to be honest, something about wanting to move into this complex and this being a way to scout it out. I’m just letting you know now so you don’t act like a complete freak.”
“Jokes on you I’ll piss in whatever shitty beer you bring just cause you said that!”
I yelled back raising my voice higher than his. He face-palmed before putting the plastic bags in the drawer under the sink.
“Whatever, you and your ketamine-addict-looking cat have fun,” he told me while seating himself on the couch. I picked up the cat and walked into the bathroom to clean it. I closed the door and placed him in the dry tub. Using a small disposable mouthwash cup I got a little bit of water. I hadn't had a pet before so I wasn't sure how to approach the task. I dipped my fingers in the water and carefully pet it while pouring s small bit down his back. Any other cat would fight back but he just made pissed-off noises without doing anything.
I scrapped my old shampoo bottle and kneaded it into his thin fur. His skin was bumpy and dry beneath the hair so scrubbing it was uncomfortable. I made sure to avoid getting soap in its eyes but I did pull away some of the crust on its lids. His pupils were so clouded I was surprised that he could see at all, making me feel even more sure that he would be on its way out with or without me.
After drying him I set him on a beat-up shirt I wore when modifying clothes. He sunk his claws into it a few times, playing with a loose string. I ignored him for the rest of the night, hopping into the shower and changing for bed. His meows woke me up a few times but I tuned it out after a while, reminding myself that he wouldn’t be my cat for long.
The next day was Thursday and there wasn't a second that passed by where the weight of the murder I’d have to commit didn't weigh on me. I seriously shot myself in the foot by taking care of that scruffy, pubic hair pile. I was supposed to be hyped about killing it, after all, I’d dreamed and seen way worse than what I was going to do. Yet once I got home and started setting up I felt grosser with each step. I decided to record it in my bathroom instead of my bedroom so it would be harder to connect to me. I set down a few fabric scraps and a worn-out beach towel, placing it all inside a tub for easier cleanup later.
“Okay, I guess it's time,” I mumbled to myself. I brought the cat in and placed it down, setting up my camera once it was comfortable. I also wore my most generic clothes in addition to a mask, putting my hair in a bun for sanitation. When I saw the flicker of red showing that the camera was on I felt I was dreaming. I smiled, excited that I’d get to live out my violent desires. Yet, when I looked down at its pathetic frame and confused expression those urges left me.
I rationalized what I was doing, reminding myself how many animals die all the time and that I’d been forced into this, but it didn't help much in the end. I won’t get into it but under the pressure of impressing the group Cash Cow didn't go out as fast as I would have liked for a first task. Getting rid of the evidence was especially rough, the textures were pretty nasty, to put it mildly. It was surreal watching the blood go down the tub drain and gradually drip off my hands as I rinsed them. I couldn't conjure a single thought the entire time I cleaned it up.
Whether I was wringing out the clothes or putting the remains in plastic bags, it didn't matter. All I could focus on was the task at hand, with hints of disgust along the way. I ended up finishing at three AM. My hands were wrinkled and shook once I settled. I won’t deny that during the murder I didn't hate it. Slashing into something was fun and it made me feel strong. Still, it wasn't nearly as fulfilling as I expected it to be. Part of it was guilt, but it was mostly disappointment. I’d built it up for years and it wasn't earth shatteringly good or bad.
Overall, I expected to feel more, but it just left me hollow with an uncomfortable itch. There was no way I’d ever be able to see the tub the same way, hell I don’t think I’ll ever use it again. Luckily I almost always shower anyway so it's not too big of a deal. I watched a few horror game videos, trashed everything, changed and went to bed.
My scalp hurt like a bitch the morning since I kept my hair in that stupid bun. Despite getting less sleep than the past two days I held myself together a bit better in the morning. I brushed my teeth, changed, and had some fried bread before getting on the bus. Regardless I looked like complete shit and struggled to slump into my seat.
“Rough night?” Abdul asked
“Uh, yeah.” I quietly responded looking to the floor.
He frowned, looking at me with concern.
“You can talk about it if you're comfortable,” he assured me. I contemplated giving him a thinly veiled metaphor or vague explanation so he'd comfort me but stopped myself before my mouth could run a muck. He wouldn't be able to do much of anything and I don’t like opening up.
“Uhm, thanks but it's something I have to deal with alone.”
He nodded, respecting my boundaries.
“You know, I understand if you can’t hang out today it seems like you have a lot going on.”
I avoided eye contact with him as he spoke. For once I was feeling hints of guilt toward a person. I wanted to spend time with him, but I knew that I wasn't in the state to do that.
“Yeah, I think it’ll have to wait, I’m-” I cut myself off before apologizing. A fact about me that should surprise no one is that I hate apologizing. Even when I do feel kinda bad the act fills me with embarrassment.
“You what?” he asked, his eyes telling me that he knew what I was going to say.
“I’m emotionally not great.” I spat out in an admittedly poor attempt to get out of saying sorry. As always he remained calm but I could tell he saw through me.
“Okay, like I said I understand, whatever it is I hope you feel better.”
I told him thank you and we didn't speak for the rest of the day. At home I changed into more comfortable clothes and brushed my teeth. Unfortunately, I wasn't bouncing back from killing nearly as much as I expected.
“It wasn't even that bad! That thing was on its last legs anyway.” I grumbled to myself, smacking my forehead. I was feeling worse than when I did it which is weird. I ended up spontaneously decorating a ratty tie from the bottom of an accessory drawer to distract myself. It helped me get my mind off things, for a little. I had zero plan, just wanting to make something needlessly complex. Hours that felt like minutes passed and soon it was covered in patches, frills, and beads. I just tried it on when I heard the front door open.
“Man, that shit was wild!” I heard Brick laugh groggily. I didn't have to see or smell him to know he’d gotten lit. I rolled my eyes, closing my bedroom door.
“Hey, who’s there?” his friend asked, seemingly referring to me.
“Oh, that’s my little sis, don’t mind her she’s just on her emo shit!” he joked, which pissed me off for the petty reason that I didn't even listen or dress emo.
“Hey, that’s alright with me, I went through one of those phases,” they responded, their words less slurred than my cousin’s.
I fucked up and forgot to lock it when I closed it so they were able to swing it open, almost smacking my desk.
“Hey emo girl!” they waved as Brick haphazardly pulled them back.
“Okay, man, seriously I think she wants to be left alone.”
The way his friend looked at me made me uncomfortable. Like they’d snap my neck if I pissed them off. They clicked their tongue while stepping through the door frame.
“Alright, but I gotta say calling her an emo is inaccurate, they look like they watch gore and most emos just say they do.” they flashed a sharp toothy grin. At that moment I began to connect the dots.
“Easy, she’ll get pissy with you dude, now come on.” Brick warned tugging their opened button pushed him away. They looked me dead in the eyes.
“I don’t think she minds, in truth, I feel like we’ll have a lot to discuss later.” they smiled again, finally walking back into the living room. A chill ran up my spine when I saw them. The sharp teeth, New York accent, unsettling gaze, that motherfucker was the person who recruited me! They were able to get into my place so easily cause my dumbass cousin probably gave them a spare key or the opportunity to make one, and now they were a room away from me!
I dug my hands into my pillow as I contemplated what to do, no matter what happened next, I knew it was gonna be a rough visit.

Looking around, I see that there is one thing that is common to prosperous and advanced societies worldwide: they avidly pursue a high degree of excellence in science, technology, and commerce that have their origins in the West. The scientific and rational worldview is a core part of their cultures. There are some exceptions to this, such as some middle-eastern nations that coast on oil wealth. But the trend largely holds.
As a rank amateur, I have often thought about what it is about the West that made them the epicenter of the modern scientific and industrial revolution. I don't have any definitive answers yet, but my current thesis is that it's the heritage of philosophical inquiry of ancient Greece that sets them apart. The Islamic world itself flourished intellectually for a while when it freely pursued the kind of philosophical inquiry that was typical of the ancient Greeks.
When you look at the "munitraya" of Greece - Socrates, Plato, and Aristotle - you find some interesting features.

• They all took reason very seriously; in fact, Aristotle laid the foundations of Western logic. There was a recognition that it was not enough to know the truth, but also, that it's important to justify why things are true. To do this, they didn't take recourse to religious doctrines, but argued from naturalistic first principles.
• They are marked by a profound sense of straightforwardness and intellectual humility. They dared to inquire while fully admitting their ignorance. Socrates was said to be the wisest man in the Hellenic world because he knew that he knew nothing; he didn't experience any "loss of face" in doing so. There was no compulsion to be "profound"; in fact, he scoffed at faux profundity, and was pretty much killed for being a nuisance. When you read their works, you never get a sense of being talked down to by a "wise", "all-knowing" seer; instead, it's more like having a conversation with an advanced peer.
• They took a deep interest in nature and the real problems that people faced. Socrates asked questions about how to live a good life in practical terms. Aristotle was probably the first great empirical scientist, avidly examining specimens for his studies in Biology. Nature and mundane human affairs were not something to be overcome, but to be studied and explored. I feel that it could almost be said that the pursuit of truth for the Greeks meant the study of nature. You see this sentiment in Newton - a prototypical natural philosopher - who spoke of himself as a child gazing at a vast ocean of truth.
• They had a keen interest in Mathematics and an appreciation for its beauty. We see this trend begin as early as Pythagoras who had a mystical faith in the ability of Mathematics to reveal Truth. Plato considered training in Mathematics as an integral component of the education of rulers. Mathematics was useful, true, but they pursued it also for the sake of its beauty. Here too, they were not merely interested in collecting Mathematics facts, but in proving them from first principles accepted by everyone. We see an insistence on justification come up again and again throughout Western culture.

Above all, there is a tendency to self-analyze. The modern West is the most self-critical of cultures in today's world. They are constantly critically examining their methods, their assumptions, their values, and their social systems. There is no seeming compulsion to slavishly uphold their tradition, even though they study their traditions avidly. Instead, there is a frantic search for new and better traditions whose value again has to be argued for rigorously. They think nothing of incorporating ideas from outside into their own if they see them worthwhile. There is a culture of free and open dialog in which all of this happens.
I am sure that I am over-simplifying matters. For instance, neo-Platonists and neo-Pythagoreans were religious and mystical cults. Aristotle was wrong about many fundamental notions that he took for granted. Newton was as much a "sorcerer" indulging in alchemy as he was a rigorous natural philosopher. The West had its dark ages where certain aspects were not allowed to be questioned.
But that notwithstanding, it's clear to me that if our people are to have a shot at true greatness and glory, we must out-West the West at their own game. I further believe that this must be a citizen-led, peer-to-peer affair. We must all be thinking about how deeply and authentically we can naturalize the Western intellectual and scientific traditions in our society.
The sooner we can do this, the better we will be able to face the challenges that we are up against today.

It all started with the divorce. I moved into an apartment so close to my old house that you couldn't hear an entire song between the two places. That's because I have three great kids (16, 13, 8) and, yes, in a minute I know you're going to say that they need me, etc. but what they really need is a real father, not one who constantly never has any money and is constantly out of sorts with stress. I'm a freelance writer with an undemanding, intermittent contract role with a prominent employer. This ends at the end of next month. Then there's nothing.
But I'm getting ahead of myself.
After I filed for divorce, I decided to file Chapter 13. This immediately rendered it impossible for me to get a car loan after I sold my vehicle due to cash problems. Drained my mom of her money keeping me in my apartment. Went to a treatment center for 5 days after I relapsed after years of sobriety. Lost my job at Chase in 2021. Couldn't afford my meds anymore so I got a DUI (dismissed), but not for drinking -- it was for driving under the influence of mental-health Rx withdrawal (not kidding - it was a thing). P.S. The meds went from $30/mo. to $210/mo. and I have four of them.
I then started dating a wonderful woman/friend. We got engaged. Happiness. Shortly thereafter, I fell out of a truck helping a friend move commercial-grade windows at a construction site because I'm uncoordinated. A freak, cartoonish accident. Shattered my ankle and leg. Lived on a couch for 3 months in excruciating pain.
I get up and try to work nonstop. Anything to get extra money. I barely sleep. I keep trying to move forward but life persists in pulling me back down. Whenever I have good news about something, 4 other problems rise up. I ask everyone what can **I** do to be better, what can **I** do to not be in this doom loop? No one has answers. "Hang in there" counts, I guess. I've cut friends out, as well as family members. I couldn't figure out the unemployment website. I am a black hole for everyone around me. I live by the grace of others and random, brief successes. I mean, **I** have compassion fatigue for me, so I can only imagine what others feel - even you, if you've been reading any of the above.
And guess what? That's not all. There's a lot more I won't detail. It's unreal.
Plus, last week, my fiancee of three years up and left with no explanation. Zero contact for 3 days. And once that shock wore off, I'm here a week later sitting in our empty house alone in the dark.
It's not that I'm sad. I'm done. I apply for thousands (and I mean thousands) of jobs per month. Nothing. Unless you count the time I accepted an elaborate fake job scam where they stole my identity when I gave them my banking info for W-9 info. **I** don't believe this tale of woe, but it's a domino game from hell.
But I'm empty now. I've got nothing left. I don't have the wherewithal, monetarily or for real, to handle this world anymore. I don't look at Columbus the same way, either. It seems darker somehow. It's not meant for me. The outside world seems shadowed more than I remember it being, as if everything out there feels like a greyed-out option on a website. "Unavailable" or "Out of Stock."
I can't afford (or need) to live in this house, even though I've paid rent in full 11 out of 12 months. I now have 12 days to find a new place to live and I don't have options beyond men's shelters or friends' couches for a day or two. This is surreal. She moved some of her stuff out today. How did I get here? I thought I had a place to stay but it fell through a few hours ago. I really don't know how I can ever get back to where I was before the last three years beat me down. And I have tried -- really fucking tried -- to stay on this side of things, but I don't think this world wants me anymore. I've gotten its message. If it's for some sort of life lesson via the universe, this 46-year-old man has learned that once you fall into the system, you're never getting out. I am always, like, $1500 away from being okay for good.
All I wanted was a real job -- not some part-time, bait-and-switch gig that wasn't what I was promised, but forced to accept. All I want is to sleep. All I want is to think of a future that has me in it. All I want is my fiancee to not leave abruptly and permanently, without warning or days of explanation (still waiting for that), and break my kids' hearts. Her leaving isn't even the reason for feeling the way I do -- it only confirms that I am the common denominator and that I am the problem.
What is the point of any of this anymore?
In a few days, it'll be my birthday. I can't see what that looks like.
I know many of you have problems and issues and conditions much worse than my life. But it's not about comparison for me. I've only detailed in writing 20% of what's happened/happening in my life so I could see it in writing. And I'm convinced more than ever there's no way out, no way back.

I don’t like anime that sound like they're written by 13-year-olds; they make me cringe.
This is the one I started with: - Death Note
Things I don't like in anime:

• Power fantasy (the anime has to have a story aside from making a harem and gaining 100 levels per kill).
• Very friendly, always-be-good, don't-do-anything-bad MCs. For example: (I respect everyone's taste, so don't be offended) One Piece, Reincarnated as a Slime (the story was good), Demon Slayer, SAO (it was terrible). A great example of an MC I liked (in this category) is FFF Class Trash Hero.
• Harem for no reason (the whole plot is to build the biggest harem possible while working towards the nonexistent demon lord).
• Femdom (“I gotta do whatever I can for my mistress”).
• High plot armor. I don’t want to know what would happen if a weeaboo suddenly gets a ripped body with black hair, red eyes, and infinite power which he uses to find lost cats and free slaves.

These are the ones I liked:

• KonoSuba
• Higurashi When They Cry
• Another
• Stein's Gate
• Code Geass
• Death Note

Things I like:

• Isekai
• MC aged 15+ (don't like 13-year-olds, black hair, red eyes MCs)
• Comedy
• Normal MC (like Kazuma)
• Realistic story (come on, if a person who was lazy, stupid, not hardworking got reincarnated or had some twist in life, I don't think they would suddenly change and become a giga-chad working 25 hours a day, planning one year ahead of life; it's unrealistic. Like Kazuma, they would look for joy and explore their desires while living a peaceful and wealthy life. People who gain power will likely seek more comfort if they didn't attain the power through hard work; they won't work hard to improve it).

I chug what little nasty warm energy drink I got left sitting in the consul of my truck and head to the ER. I get there and they have a room for me almost immediately. I sit there in agony as they get the info they need. Que the Dr. she walks in sees my face and looks at my BP 187/113 just says… “I’m really glad you came in” (I low key think this is funny cause the way I dress and talk I thought of all the farmers memes about them going in and Dr.s instantly freaking out over it)
I instantly get hit with morphine and finally pass out for a-little. An hour passes they get me into a holding room for admitted patients. Then hit me with more morphine once it’s safe. I’m in and out of consciousness, they keep hitting me with pain killers and my BP is finally around a stable level 130-150/ 60-90. The pain is still there but the stress response is gone. They finally get me to my room maybe 4-5 hours after admission. Whole time I’ve been getting hit with morphine and finally IV antibiotics as well as some type of steroid. ENT Doc comes immediately says “listen… the IV antibiotics are going to stop the spread right now but your eye is already becoming inflamed and you have a huge abscess. Suggests he drain it, and no fucking shit I’m all for it. An hour passes or so it’s around 2:45p they roll me into surgery. Hit me with fucking fentanyl and I’m fucking gone. Wake up and the pain is gone the pressure too I’m floating… and can’t fucking swallow for about 30 minutes. (Fuck it beats the agony.)
This was fucking Tuesday… Wednesday was spent all in the hospital but because of bed space they ask if they can discharge me. Tell me to stay with the antibiotics I got and I’m free. (On this front I’m finally clear.)
I get home. Instantly I’m met with demands from my wife. I try to fulfill them but I’m fucked. Entire fucking time she’s locating about how I need to rest but pushing me in all the directions. My puppy who is an absolute snuggle tyrant causes chaos whining at night so I wander downstairs where he stays over night and end up sleeping down there keeping her calm. Occasionally woken up to a cold nose but n the leg.
Next day. Also may I add my mom came up in a fury to help out even though she has nearly no PTO and it’s the busy time of year for a corn geneticist. (They plant and do shit at weird times). My wife disappears for the first time this whole experience. (Please note also on top of all this shit my infant son has been home sick from daycare) my mom hold my little tyrant all day keeping him happy. I finally get some rest slept about 6 hours that night and then 7 during the day. I wake up and try to be social as possible. My son appears to be doing better so my sickly mother in law comes over. To help out, I’m awake and able to do things alike be it very slowly.

I have MDD for a very long time. For years I have a very bad recurrent depression with strong suicidal tendencies. I'm still alive because I'm the biggest loser possible and failed every single attempt. I hate my life, I'm in constant pain and suffering and literally can't take it anymore and there is no help for me.
I started going to therapy in March 2022. It was a council at my college because I wasn't able to afford anything more. I had weekly sessions with my counselor until September 2023 and I was looking for a new therapist since the beginning of summer. I graduated and moved so I wasn't able to continue at all. It wasn't the exact treatment I needed, but the council was very great and understanding. I'm extremely lonely and for the first time in my life I had at least someone to talk to and who cared about my well-being.
It was extremely hard to find a new therapist and the once I managed to get were extremely bad. Like I got belittled, made fun of and disbeliefed. I also got forcedly hospitalized by a therapist because she didn't wanted to have me as her client and wanted to get rid of me.
The mental hospital was absolutely the worst. I cried for hours because of extreme stress and no one cared. I had a few huge mental breakdowns and when the stuff saw me crying on the floor made fun of me and bullied me for it. I never got any medicine, counseling or any treatment. I was literally just locked up.
The other patients hated me and avoided me. Like their refused to be in a room with me and kept distance from me. I struggle with social isolation and was always an outsider, so being avoided even by people in similar positions was dragging me even more down. I was the only person who got excluded like that. The other patients never minded to do stuff together or talk to each other.
I also felt extremely lonely because I never had friends and got abandon by my family very early. Seeing that other patients got regular visits and calls just reminded me that there is absolutely no one who would ever care for me.
The facility where I was in was also very mixed. There where both men and women of very various ages. I'm 24f and I get sexually assaulted by 45-50 y.o men on a regular basis so I'm scared of that demographic group. I also got raped a few times. There were men that would fit that group, they didn't care about me, but I was still scared. I was extremely uncomfortable staying a night there because literally anyone could come inside the room I was staying. So I was too scared to sleep.
Overall no one really cared about me and they also wanted to get rid of me as fast as possible, so I was let go extremely quickly.
Since then I found another therapist, who is a way better fit for me. I also have a psychiatrist and I started taking medication since begging if this year. The medicine doesn't do shit. I feel like the therapy doesn't help me at all. I feel like a lost case. Both my psychiatrist and therapist talk regularly about them wanting to put me back in an asylum. I know it's useless. The meds are useless. The therapy is useless. I feel like the more I open up the more my therapist hates me and wants to get rid of me. I know I should receive "specialized" therapy but the joke is that's impossible to me because the mental health system where I live sucks ass.
I don't see any reason to change my therapist and or psychiatrist or even go back to the asylum. I feel like my mental health is so bad there is no help for me anymore. The only thing that could possibly help me is death. I don't get why "suicide/death isn't an option" when there is literally no help for me and everybody hates me and wants me gone anyways.
I don't even know why I wrote this post. I had so many suicide attempts I don't believe I will ever succeed. I just hope that I will soon just fall asleep and never wake up.

So tired. Tired of struggling. Tired of trying so hard and falling shirt. Tired of applying for jobs. Ties of not hearing back from said jobs and recruiters. Tired of rewriting my resume. Tired of worrying about my finances. Ties of arguments. Tired of not feeling free. Tired of feeling like a slave to capitalism. Tired of being the unsuccessful child. Tired of being the disappointment. Tired of student loans. Tired of spending thousands on a degree that gets me into entry level at best. Tired of mistakes. Just tired. All the time, exhausted by life. Things will never be perfect, that fine. Struggles and problems will exist no matter what level your at. That's the human experience, but... Does everything have to be a struggle? I'm sure I make mistakes, I'm not perfect, but surely am I to blame for all of my suffering? If so, they surely I should take out my worst enemy, myself. But alas, that truly doesn't fix anything. Besides, who knows what really happens, I doubt that betting everything on the off chance that everything is great when dead is the right choice. ... But I'm just so tired. I'm am trying, trying so hard to improve, to seek out a better life. Howong before I can glimpse fruit from the tree?

(repost) Long post ahead
Hi everyone! I've been working as a VA for a US based ecom for almost 2 years now. At first, the work environment provided for us was really nice despite the fact that pay and benefits aren't really that great. But last year, the micromanaging has really been on a different level and have heard horror stories from co-employees that have been there longer than me that getting a proper pay raise was nearly impossible. Anyway here are some of my gripes and the reasons why I'm really considering on quitting:

• 10 days PTO "awarded" after 1 year, 2 days PTO increase every year after 1st year. Take note, those PTO days are the only ones you can use your whole tenure in the company, so if gagamit ka ng 5 days sa 1st year mo, 7 days PTO ka nalang sa 2nd year mo and the rest of your time sa company except for the 2 PTO increase. Basically, you'd need to work for another 5 years to get 10 days of extra PTO.
• No holidays except christmas and new year
• Time tracker that takes screenshots, wasn't a problem at first but now everytime may 2 consecutive scs or "gap", HR will flag you bakit ganito ganyan
• HR will also flag your unpaid time off or absences if it reaches to 20% per quarter which is a bit unfair naman as we have little to no wiggle room with our PTO policy
• 1 month resignation notice, if you fail to follow this, they will not compensate properly and will withhold pay
• Tracking KPIs using quantitative approach which again is fair, but with our EOD reports, weekly and monthly meetings, plus time tracker--ewan parang I feel like robots lang kami na dapat productive the whole 8 hour shift and required na may numbers kami to show for it, if wala edi hindi ka productive in their eyes
• Almost 2 years na ako with the company pero feeling a bit stuck cause they keep laying off people in my team. Still doing the tasks that I did since day 1 (CS and admin work) on top of higher level managerial tasks while I only got a total of 40% hourly increase in the last year and a half. 40% in hindsight sounds good pero $1.3 lang talaga yan
• Lastly, had a 1 on 1 with a higher up who said that I'm not meeting their expectations when the past 2 years I've increased revenue to basically 1300% the last 2 years and increased the number of brands from 3 initially when I was onboarded to 38 now. Adding also that when I was onboarded there was little to no training/support provided to me. This resulted in me being highly anxious and getting chest pains na because of that incident.

Tl;dr: Working for a company that I initially stayed as work environment was nice and the line of work really suited my skills but has now become really micromanaging and is now starting to affect my mental and physical health. Please give me tips on how I can quit this job immediately.

Hello all. God bless to everyone in this subreddit & more. Thank you for all of your previous help & comments.
My Dad age 60 was diagnosed back in October with “Advanced Prostate Cancer”. Gleason 4+4=8 , PSA 9.1. Localized, no spread thank God.
He got RALP in November, received a good pathology report; negative all invasions & margins.
His first PSA: undetectable, after 3 months. Second PSA: undetectable after 6 months. Now we are going into the 3rd one in a little over 2 months!
After his first PSA follow up, he was experiencing constant & persistent Right Pelvic pain (right above the right side of the pubic area). The pain was never too bad, or excruciating by any means. He said it was a 2/10 on the pain scale, ALWAYS. The pain never went away. Though, it wasn’t bad intolerable pain..it was always there at 2/10 which gets annoying & just uncomfortable, you know?
So he told his Doctor & he told him that’s unusual, he was set up for a CT Scan. His PSA came back undetectable, so it was a sigh of relief that it wasn’t Cancer, or anything suspiciously bad. However, DR still wanted to go through with a CT Scan. Told us “it could be fluid build up from prostatectomy, or some sort of fluid that’s unusual”.
He got the CT done on Wednesday, and his results were interesting, so I have a question. It said that there was NO FLUID, or any LIQUID build up, nothing suspicious, nothing bad, everything basically negative. HOWEVER, we noticed that in the CT results it mentioned his lymph nodes growing larger then last time (for EX: previously 4mm, now 10mm, previously 6mm, now 8mm, previously 8mm, now 10mm, etc etc). And it recommended a follow up in 3 months.
He will not be seeing the Doctor until June 2nd, so a couple weeks from now. But, I couldn’t find a reason as to why this happens & if it is concerning or not? Is this bad that his lymph nodes have grown?
During his recovery, after his first PSA he got Total Knee Replacement surgery, could it have to do with that? He has very low testosterone, could it do with that? Is this even bad?
Any replies, & comments are significantly & greatly appreciated. Thank you all & God bless you all for your support & help for this sucky battle us Men have to deal with. Thank you again, let me know!

In the spirit of indie games, would like to share a work-in-progress, no-budget prototype that is currently being solo developed, to get feedback on the core concept of the game. Please note that the production is mainly focused on establishing mechanics, and the art and assets are mainly there as a placeholder (those are made look cheap, to quicken iteration). The prototype is free of charge, and regularly sees production updates on the community page.
Video footage
Itch page
Genre: Action, Adventure, RPG
Premise: A dwarf was sentenced into the depths, to mine until they earned their freedom back. A cold, dark and dangerous place it is, riddled with monsters, beasts and a touch of magic.
About: The concept of this dwarfish game materialized whilst working on a larger project that unfortunately went nowhere. This project is supposed to symbolize the hardships of a solo developer. The design stems from the influence of the late 90s/early 2000s (where painted low poly were all the rage), alongside illustrations from role-playing books (stuff like those nasty creatures you often see in old bestiaries). Obviously, the game would've looked much different if not for it being a prototype (much like how WOW or Dota2 looks in style), but the purpose and the lack of tools prevented it as explained above.
The loop is simple: Mine, gather resources and earn coins. However, what happens in between these actions are what the focus is on (the adventure, the fun part is trying to survive). Although a lot is still missing, like more items/crafting/etc., the focus is on establishing a feel, rather than adding supplements. And as iteration is key, already started working on adding bits for players to explore in the next release.
Anything to add, question or just to voice is greatly appreciated, as the range of my influence to reach people is extremely limited to say the least.
Thank you for stopping by, and have a nice day!

Hey there everyone!
So im creating a orc character, who is getting exiled since hes not able to rage and is smaller in stature then the rest of his kin.
Eventually he discovers a ancestral weapon, a Halberd at some ruins.
I am really looking at the Rune knight/ Fightarian build here.
I am having 2 ways for this character:
This character can not rage at all, and we go pure rune knight.
or
He eventually due to role play reasons gets to rage, and we go some points into barbarian as well.
my problem is, that at my table, we start with 1 free feat anyways but with half orc i am kind of forced to take a half feat like slasher, orcish fury or something like that.
But i am really looking to build a very strong damage character who is also very hard to kill and perhaps also quite mobile.
for example, feats like mobile and alert look so cool together, but it really suffers a lot in the damage department.
Sentinel and polearm master is a kind of a way for you to completely shut down enemies approaching your team.
But then there is slasher, great weapon master, crusher and orcish fury which i would love to implement.
So how do i build a great, all around character?
If i choose custom lineage here, i get 2 feats from the start, and am not forced to get a half feat.
I am really looking at polearm master and sentinel here, as together it would be a pretty good combination.
But i am kind of worried about surviveabiltiy as my first priority would be to max out STR.
with medium armor and no shield, my AC would not exceed 18 im sure
In the Fightarian build Colby suggests zealot barbarian dip, for max damage, but im looking at maybe bear barb? How would a rune knight, bear barb function? less damage more surviveability? is it a worthwhile tradeoff?
How i am seeing this is that the more i can hit, the more damage i can do overal before going down. It would be a shame that we can only one shot but we can one shot ourselves as well.
Then again i saw some weird build with Dao Genie with 1 dip of warlock and somehow we could go crasher and slasher in the same build? disabiling opponents while damaging them is kind of a way to be more safe as well.
In the end, orchish fury, slasher, crusher, polearm master and great weapon master would put me at 20 str if i keep half orc, pretty sure thats insane in the damage department, but at what cost?
Any and all help is greatly appreciated!

TLDR: I had lifetime 50% for priority 6 Months. This was available since 18 nov 2022. On 15 May 2023 and 18 may 2023 i paid the same price (29.99$) . Today on 18 May 2024 (1 year and half after i received 50%) i saw that i was charged the normal price. Support says that i had it only one time, but i had it for 3rd times in a row. I used GFN for 1 week per month or even less. In the past 6 months 78 hours (mostly 31 in this month because of fallout) ... Anyway, in the end i didn`t received the "lifetime 50%" and in the same time I'm not eligible for a refund. Below you have all my invoices since first time buy and the chat with support.
https://preview.redd.it/d2we4ukx0c1d1.png?width=1328&format=png&auto=webp&s=ba8868c9b3c2aadba7f6d27b56884b51a3888ebc
Adfar Banday: Hi, my name is Adfar Banday. How may I help you? Adfar Banday: Hi Me: Hi. Yesterday i had my 6Months payment and i figured out that is the normal price Me: in the past (around 1 year ago) i receved a 50% price reduction for priority package for lifetime Me: i had it in 18 may 2023 for 50% (around 25$).. i had it on 18 nov 2023 the same price Me: as i know, the price right now should be the same as it was in the past Me: but this time i paid 54$ File attachment upload has started.
Adfar Banday: We apologize for the inconvenience. Please be assured, I will do my best to assist you further. Me: so as u can see in the photo, i have this price reduction since 16 nov 2022 Me: ok. i`ll wait. take your time Adfar Banday: which country you are from? Me: Romania Adfar Banday: Please provide me the email address associated with the Geforce now? Me: emailHere Adfar Banday: So are you using priority membership ? Me: Yes. Since 18 nov 2022 Me: I have the bills if you need them Adfar Banday: As I can check , The offer was one time and not for life time Me: No. It was lifetime as i remember from the email Adfar Banday: so that is why , you got charged for the normal price this time Me: if it was one time... why did i received it for 3rd time in a row Adfar Banday: As I have checked, there is no offer as such now Me: after i cancel my 1Month priority plan which was 11.89$ at that time, 2 days after i received a email with lifetime 50% on priority and i accepted it. The offer would expire if i will cancel my membership which i won`t do that because 50% its a good deal Adfar Banday: for this order , there is no discount Me: and i have this offer since 18 nov 2022 Me: if it was one time... why did i received it for 3rd time in a row? Adfar Banday: As I said , it was for a limited time Adfar Banday: But right now , there is no such offer Me: Then if this is the price from now on, i would like to cancel my subscription Me: i`m not willing to pay 60 euro per 6 months while i`m using GeForceNow only for few days per month :)) Me: i`ll buy a a new package in the future,maybe, when there is a game i sould like to play and i can`t do it on my lptop Adfar Banday: You can cancel the GeForce NOW subscription from your account by following these steps:- Please access "accounts.nvidia.com" (without quotes) on a browser page. - Login to the account that you want to cancel the subscription on. - Click on the "GeForce NOW" tab. - Select the "free membership " option under the membership status. Me: do you have statistics to tell me how many hours did i spent on GeForceNow service since i bought the first subscription? Adfar Banday: Unfortunately , we will not be able to check that Me: Ok Me: this chat can be closed Me: if you need a feedbacl. you did great Me: 10/10 Me: so Me: i have to wait 6 months to receive my money back? Me: "At the end of your billing period, you'll be downgraded to Free and won't be charged again." Adfar Banday: so you are looking for refunds, right ? Me: yea Me: because i`ll not use it in the next few months Adfar Banday: I regret to inform you that there is no refund option available for GFN-related services, as detailed in our GFN Terms and Conditions, which can be found here: https://www.nvidia.com/en-us/geforce-now/membership-terms/ . However, I will escalate this matter to the relevant team to explore potential solutions. While I cannot guarantee a refund at this time, our team will look for available options and keep you updated through email. Me: : wow Me: ok . escalete it

Hey there everyone!
So im creating a orc character, who is getting exiled since hes not able to rage and is smaller in stature then the rest of his kin.
Eventually he discovers a ancestral weapon, a Halberd at some ruins.
I am really looking at the Rune knight/ Fightarian build here.
I am having 2 ways for this character:
This character can not rage at all, and we go pure rune knight.
or
He eventually due to role play reasons gets to rage, and we go some points into barbarian as well.
my problem is, that at my table, we start with 1 free feat anyways but with half orc i am kind of forced to take a half feat like slasher, orcish fury or something like that.
But i am really looking to build a very strong damage character who is also very hard to kill and perhaps also quite mobile.
for example, feats like mobile and alert look so cool together, but it really suffers a lot in the damage department.
Sentinel and polearm master is a kind of a way for you to completely shut down enemies approaching your team.
But then there is slasher, great weapon master, crusher and orcish fury which i would love to implement.
So how do i build a great, all around character?
If i choose custom lineage here, i get 2 feats from the start, and am not forced to get a half feat.
I am really looking at polearm master and sentinel here, as together it would be a pretty good combination.
But i am kind of worried about surviveabiltiy as my first priority would be to max out STR.
with medium armor and no shield, my AC would not exceed 18 im sure
In the Fightarian build Colby suggests zealot barbarian dip, for max damage, but im looking at maybe bear barb? How would a rune knight, bear barb function? less damage more surviveability? is it a worthwhile tradeoff?
How i am seeing this is that the more i can hit, the more damage i can do overal before going down. It would be a shame that we can only one shot but we can one shot ourselves as well.
Then again i saw some weird build with Dao Genie with 1 dip of warlock and somehow we could go crasher and slasher in the same build? disabiling opponents while damaging them is kind of a way to be more safe as well.
In the end, orchish fury, slasher, crusher, polearm master and great weapon master would put me at 20 str if i keep half orc, pretty sure thats insane in the damage department, but at what cost?
Any and all help is greatly appreciated!