B day poems for an ex

Hi ! By the title you may be confused but I promise I'll try to make it maks sense.
I (19)F was broken up with (19)M a week ago after 5 months of dating. For content behind the break up was that we've had some issues over the past month of us being together. We were living an hour n half away and saw each other every other weekend. I would get upset over him being obsess with his friends and how he would hangout with them all the time and spending money when was out with them every week. But when we were together he would complain if I wanted to go to a park or somewhere out rather being inside his house all weekend because it he wanted to save money, but if I suggested on inviting a friend he was more obligated to go out and acted more excited. This caused a bickering for a few weeks until he was at his last straw on mother's day. He came over and had a rundown with me about his feelings and time management that he wanted to have with his friends and me. This made me realize a lot more and I told him I was sorry and that I would be better. After that everything was ok until the week after. Now, I've been wanting to go to the beach for a while now. I would ask him all the time to take me and he would reject. Well, the week after he told me that he was going out to the beach with his friends, Derek, Andrew, and Elizabeth (Fake names) and Elizabeth was a girl he dated back in highschool and when my ex and I we're about to date she messaged him saying "you're hot, but I wouldn't date you". I was upset that he was going with his friends when I've been asking, not to mention I felt uncomfortable with him going with Elizabeth. He told me he was going to go with them to check out the place and see what its "kinks" were so we would go. I got over it until the next day when I was playing Andrew and he told me they we're going to the beach that was 20 minutes away from my house and thought I was invited. This killed me seeing he never told me.
A bit afterwards I was talking to my mom about the situation and then said it's whatever. She went out of her way without telling me that she was going to call him. Apparently she told him that if we were going to be together then its good to merge your friend group with the person you're with so it's easier to hang out. She also asked why he didn't invite me when I've asking and its only 20 minutes away. His answer was he didn't know it was close to me. Then she proceeded to say if I was upset then thats probably why and not to get mad since it's kind of fair. Next day rolls by and I was telling him how I was in pain from work and mention about wanting to go to the beach to relax (not realizing it sounded like an asshole and trying to mention it). He sighed and then brought up that my mom called and I told him I didn't know she did and that I wasn't really upset and it was his time with his friends. I asked him if he was ok and he said he was fine and pinky promised it. After we hung up and I messaged him telling him that I appreciated him and I knew he's been stress, that I was here for him cause I love him. He was acting sweet after and I was getting ready to go out. 10 or 15 minutes later he called to break it off and said he was hurting and that he just can't do it. I asked if he wanted a break and he said no which led me asking what are we then and he said "whatever you want, I don't know what the future looks like".
This leads to me to my question (sorry it took so long, I thought I should give information). So it's been a week and he has been avoiding about talking about me and if I'm brought up he goes dead silent. Some of his friends asked him for his side and he got aggressive and said he doesn't want to say so I've been the only person saying my side. He never unadded me but after 20 minutes of being broken up he removed some loving pictures on his socials but then put it back on recently. I asked him if we can discuss the future a bit more and how long I should leave him alone and he told me he wouldn't talk for a while and just to get him his space (which of course I will). But other than that I'm kind of stuck on what to do cause I don't have that much information to go by. He won't tell me why he was hurting and broke it off ( maybe I'm blindsided) or doesn't say his side to anyone and acting like I don't exist but keeps me around in a way. I don't know if I should be patient and see if something happens or if I should let go. Sorry if it got confusing around the end, it's almost 3am and I'm tired lol.
TLDR: My ex is not communicating with me about what's happening after breaking up with me out of nowhere.
Please reach out and help out if you can, I would really appreciate it!! Thank you for taking the time to reas all of this lol

Hi,
Two of my friends consider A and B have joined a group apartment 3BHK where the rent was ₹20000 with maintenance ₹500. There were total 7 people after they joined - out of 7, 5 are new flatmates including my friends.
Consider X and Y who already used to live there. X and Y when they joined they paid an advance of ₹5000 as they were only 4 including them. Few months passed by those other 2 had left the apartment leaving X and Y to clear their advance. So now they own the entire advance ₹20000. Room agreement is now on X's name. X and Y now invited 5 new comers including my friends.
They decided to start a new advance cycle now and new comers had to pay ₹20000/7= 2857 ie. X and Y received a total of 2857*5= ₹14285 as advance. which now makes their advance same as others. Stuff happened, minor misunderstandings got huge and 3 out 5 new comers decided to leave the apartment leaving A, B my friends that I mentioned above with X, Y. Those 3 stayed one more month without paying the rent saying as they have paid the advance when they joined so it will be tallied out.
Issue started - Now A, B and X, Y had to bear the burden that month paying up the entire rent. A and B were thinking like this burden will be converted into advance and when they leave they can split the ₹20000 by 4. While X and Y are like they will get only the advance which they paid that is ₹2857 not anything more than that and keep the rest amount for themselves.
Problem - Now all four of them decided to vacate the flat, they had clash for above reasons So they stayed next month without paying any rent as advance was there with the owner. X and Y want both A and B to pay ₹2143 to them saying that thier advance is only 2857. Reason X and Y mentioned for that is they cleared the advance of the 2 other who preciously used to live there(10k) saying that they are the one's who faced the most burden and they deserve the 14k for themselves. While A and B are not agreeing to their reasons and want to split the entire advance equally by 4 (which I think is correct as all of their advance was equal when they started new advance cycle) Now everyone has vacated the falt without paying the rent for last month. X and Y are threatening my friends A and B to pay the advance or pay the entire current bill which is 3600 (also they were using AC all day and geyser, who uses geyser in this burning hot summer? for bath twice a day? just to spike up the electricity bill) they planned it this way as A and B were refusing to pay the additional advance.
Looking for a resolution.
Who's right? A, B or X, Y? And if X and Y want to proceed legally can this be a potential case or a baseless one? Should A and B worried about them and their threats? Can someone give some guidance on how to proceed on this matter?
Thanks.

I was just wondering if there's a way to help heal someone from afar.
Background: My ex husband and I have been separated since 2009, married 2007. (Tied by our daughter regardless) I'm no contact with him though. Haven't spoken to him directly in 4yrs+
But story is. We met as horrible alcoholics. After the separation I hit my lowest low and rebuilt myself over the years. Being a single empowered homeowner top of my game. And he's always been an alcoholic. In and out of jail. Living in family's basement. Antagonizing our child's caregiver because he is so broken and bitter inside. No love for himself. And it affects how my daughter views his love fore her.
I Know you can't make someone change or accept help. (He's been through ALL the resources) But it's just So Sad to see him still deteriorating to this day. (A great example to my daughter about how your choices affect your path) Instead of being disgusted by the way he is and shaming him. Id like to learn how to send him "anonymous" energetic love and pushes to do better. Is there more than just saying a prayer for him? Would anything help like that?
Thank you for viewing my story and any incoming insights 🫶

i’ve been creeping this group for a few weeks now and decided to buy a guitar and start playing. i took lessons when i was 11 for about 6 months but stopped due to school. THEN when i was 18 my abusive ex stole my fender and i never got it back:(
so now at 23 i just bought a fender acoustic electric dreadnought fa125ce. its beautiful. i started practicing 2 days ago (probably an hour or two each day) and wow my hands are cramping and my arms are sore lol. my fingertips too. how long does it take for calluses to build up?? this shits painful lol
also attached a pic of my new baby! i also didn’t realize that dreadnoughts are bigger so this is going to take some getting used too lol

(Note: I posted this on Android but I wasn't sure if I did something incorrect because it was removed by the bot immediately, and I don't know how to get it approved. So... if you see it there too, then it must have gotten approved at some point and that's why. Just trying to find a home for this discussion and I promise I'm not trying to spam!)
After a decade with iPhone, curiosity finally got the better of me and I made the switch to Android. My trusty iPhone 13 Mini is still there just in case, but I really do hope to sell it soon. I wanted to document my journey over the last 72 hours with Android in case it helps someone else sitting on the margin just looking to dive in.
These 10 things are simply my opinions and reflections! I'm sure my feelings will continue to evolve, but here's where I'm at after 3 days. As I started typing, I did not expect this to be so long, but I had so many things floating through my head. Sorry for the long read and I'd love to hear others who have made similar changes.
1. Sloppy first impressions: I started with a Pixel 8. Got it for $390, in like new condition during eBay's memorial day sale, and just couldn't pass up that deal. The look of the phone never really attracted me before, but after a few hours it really grew on me. However, I really started to get annoyed at the experience and polish. For example, I had a lot of screens where the text was cut off or folders where the text was cut off. There were system pop-ups where I was expected to approve something that disappeared within a second before I could even read it - was it approved or was it declined?! But what really was upsetting was that there's no way to sort notifications by time. The phone would beep and then I'd have to spend a few seconds trying to figure out what the heck the notification was amidst the long list. Half the time, the time stamp doesn't even show and I'm left wondering if I missed something. This was exacerbated when I started not receiving notifications I would expect, because my iPhone (which was still on WiFi only mode) was getting notifications for new Gmail messages for example, and the Pixel just stayed quiet. That was unacceptable and I decided to return the phone.
However, my significant other has a Samsung, and she mentioned never having these issues so I stuck it out and tried again. This time, I figured - go big or go home - and I got the Samsung S24 Ultra.
2. Much better second try: I read a lot of bad experiences about the UI of Samsung coming into this, but frankly it's a lot more polished than the Pixel. It's like there's a nice coat of paint over all the underlying workings and as an iPhone user, I appreciate that. Everything looks great and while I've been toying with some of the themes in the Galaxy store, I have gone back to the normal One UI each time.
3. Smart Switch works great. It took about an hour to transfer all my settings and applications over to the Samsung. The only thing that took a little bit of figuring out was how to get 25K+ iCloud backed up photos onto this phone. Fortunately, there's an official Apple method for transferring iCloud files to Google Photos, and I initiated that. It's still not done but assuming this goes to plan, the transfer process wasn't that bad at all. I pretty much plopped my iPhone sim card into the Android, spent an hour waiting, and then all my old applications, wallpapers, and even placement of icons was there. Then, I just spent about half an hour signing into everything that I needed to (1Password is hugely helpful!) and I'm off to the races.
4. Settings galore: I am not used to this many settings! It seems I am approving or declining permissions all day long. I have multiple Gmail accounts setup, and I have to go in and adjust each account's notification setting when I just want all of my Gmail messages to have the same setting. I thought I would like this level of customization but it's been a little frustrating finding everything, or trying to figure out what I'm even approving. I find myself on YouTube looking for videos for how to change things such as the lock screen shortcuts. I am hoping that once I get through this initial difficulty, then I'll be cruising. And the biggest thing - Samsung lets me sort notifications in chronological order! That's huge (for me).
5. Navigation bars on top. Why?: I had a small iPhone Mini so one-handed navigation was never a real challenge but I still appreciated how all the menu bars (Facebook, Safari, etc.) were on the bottom of the phone. It made navigation really easy. With all the customization I mentioned in #3, I just assumed this would be an easy fix on Android and I'd be able to change this for any app. I was wrong! Other than Firefox, I have not figured out how to do this in Chrome or Facebook (as an example). I really do not understand why the iPhone version of Facebook would have this on the bottom but the Android version would have it on the top! For a phone as big as the S24U, that would've been a really nice option.
6. PhoneLink is pretty good: I had gotten rid of my Macbook a long time ago. I basically live on my Phone and also have an iPad for when I need a bigger screen and a Windows desktop for professional work. Integration b/w devices was never a big deal to me but I put I setup Phone Link and it's been pretty good. I don't have any real complaints so far - I can transfer files and get all my notifications and respond directly from my computer.
7. Dex is really cool but also buggy: The dream of having only to carry around my phone and never having to open up a laptop, tablet or desktop would be amazing. This phone is definitely powerful enough for the applications I use for work - Word, PowerPoint, Excel, etc. But Dex has some weird quirks that make it a little unreliable. For example, every time I open up an image in Gallery on Dex, the screen goes black for a few seconds before coming back on. Close the picture? Same thing! The cursor scroll just isn't as smooth as on my Desktop machine where I can customize the DPI settings exactly on the Logitech app. These are small things but build up into a less than perfect experience. But when it works, it works great and it's so close to a dream realized.
8. Face unlock is pretty bad, and the fingerprint reader can be hit or miss: FaceID on iPhone was a pleasure to use, except when it's not - i.e., I'm lying in bed. But for most situations, it works pretty good. For those moments I do wish I had a fingerprint reader so it's really nice to have that on the Samsung. But with that said, the Face unlock is horrendously bad. It works about 3/4 of the time in good light and then never in low light. I think the fingerprint reader is 80% successful on the first try for me but that's still lower than I think it should be. Perhaps I should re-register my finger. (Also, what's up with the super bright fingerprint reader on the Pixel 8? I feel like I was staring at the sun every time went to activate it! That said, it does feel like the Pixel's face unlock is better than Samsung). And on the topic of security, I think one of the biggest things I miss is Apple Pay. Some of my favorite go-to restaurants locally let me order online and pay directly using Apple Pay. Now I have to memorize my credit card number....
9. This thing is super powerful. I think people who choose Android chose it for two primary reasons: customization (which I mention in #2 and #3) and power to be productive. It has been very cool to be able to export files from one app directly into another app, edit it there, and save it as a file and then transfer it to my desktop. On iPhone, it was never a certainty which applications I'd be able to import files directly into but on Samsung it seems everything is available. There's always a workaround or solution or a method to doing something and that's been pretty cool. The Snapdragon processor is quick and the screen is beautiful. It's a great media consumption device and I hope it continues to be as snappy as it is now, because 7 years of updates is a very long time!
10. But the size of this phone is kinda insane. Especially coming from an iPhone mini, this thing is so big! It literally does even fit in my pockets when I am sitting and I've had it slide out a couple times onto the floor already because so much physically hangs out of my pants when seated. If Samsung made a smaller Ultra version of the phone in the same size as the S24, then that would be perfect (kinda like how Apple has the Pro and Pro Max). I think if there's a reason I end up going back to iPhone, it's because of the size of this thing. I want something as powerful as the Ultra but in a smaller package, and I haven't found another company that makes something like that. I don't have a case yet and maybe a more textured case will resolve this.
I'll keep this experiment going as I want to make a real effort to switch. Looking forward to continued learning!

Me and my girlfriend have been together for 1.5 years. Everything was going smoothly but one day she saw some pictures of my ex on my phone and in one of them I was kissing my ex. That is such a screw up I have done. She contacted my ex and asked her to call me. She called and asked how I am. I didn't knew what two of them had planned. So my ex talked to me n I told her that I love my girlfriend but also shared that my girlfriend is pissed because of those pictures and those pictures were there because I still miss everyone who were there in my life whether it's my childhood friend whom I don't talk to. She recorded everything and sent it to my girlfriend. My girlfriend broke up with me. Blocked me from everywhere. I tried to contact her but there was no response. I called her from another number 3 days later. She said she doesn't love me and has moved on and is going on dates. She asked me not to contact her again. I said okay and didn't contact her after that. 3 days later she messaged me asking how I am. I said okay and asked her how she is. She was furious and was saying there is no chance we are getting back together. I said okay. Later that night she sent me a screenshot showing she is wishing someone else goodnight. She said I destroyed her life and ruined everything. I said goodnight. A week later she asked my friend how I am and he told her to contact me directly. She called me and we talked for 20 minutes. Later that night I asked her if she wants to get back. If not then she shouldn't ask how I am. I realised in morning that maybe I was rude and apologised. 4 days later she again contacted my friend asking him to find a new girl for me. He told her to repair the relationship rather than replace it. She said ok. He told me to text her. I did with a brief that I hope you are okay and I believe you wanted to know if I am ok. She responded with ok. In morning she said I destroyed her life and she will remember this and god will punish me. I sent a short message with apology and said I am working on myself and said that we can talk when she is comfortable. She replied with shut up.
All the stuff that she is going on dates was a lie to test how will I respond and she wanted to see if I will reveal any secret relationship I am hiding.
She reached out yesterday with an emotional message where she was felt hurt and betrayed. She said she is all alone she couldn't take it so she texted me. I talked to her and told her that it's okay if you feel you don't wanna get back. I told her if you do we can fix things. In the end of conversation she said that I can text her whenever I feel like. In the morning I texted her that I am there for her, she is not alone. All she replied to the text was "no". She is very angry she said in her last text.
What should I do now to get her back ? Should I do no contact or should I try talking to her ?

Long story short - just til 2-3 months ago I didn't have that strong feelings to my ex,
and somehow just a month ago I started to feel strong feelings again,
and because of this I couldn't handle this and I told her we need space, and she agreed.
But just a few days after this, I called her and told her that I am having an hard time, And then I just blocked her till now.
20 days have been passed and I am having ups and downs, but now It's really down..
I feel like she "bewitched" me because I got these feelings out of the blue...
I think it's because when I saw her going out and having fun, and my subconscious is telling me like "she's having fun without you and she might know someone else" and it makes me bad.
What do you think? How can I continue with my life and just lose my feelings to her? I've been in NC for 20 days already and she's blocked, but damn it's hard.

For some context, i 24(F) and my bsf emma(24 F) have been friends since we were kids, we have always been super close and we call eachother platonic soulmates. Emma has a sister Dana(22F) who i have always had a bad feeling about, emma and dana has never been really close and they often argue a lot.
Emma got married to her now husband Don(25M) about a week ago, when don proposed, emma said yes and she asked me to be her maid of honor, i was thrilled and wasnt shocked but it seemed like dana was, after the engagement party dana came up to me and asked me if i could step down from MOH so she could be it instead, i refused and instantly told emma who talked to dana and they had an argument but they agreed that dana could be a bridesmaid, but not MOH, we thought that was the end of it and we started planning the wedding.
The first problem with the wedding planning was dana complaining all the time, saying things like "if I was maid of honor i would do a much better job at this" but i didnt care that much because i did what emma wanted and it made her happy so it made me happy, dana never stopped with the comments but i had learned to tune her out by then.
The second problem was when we were getting dresses, emma was going to be wearing a beautiful floorlenght wedding gown, with super pretty flower designs and other things that made the dress so beautiful, the bridesmaids were all going to be wearing light purple dresses, while i was going to be wearing a darker purple so people could see i was the MOH(brides descission) after we tried on dresses, dana went of on me again saying i was a b-word for making everything about me, and that i should have worn the same colour purple as the rest of them, i ignored her and told her that it was emmas idea and i had nothing to do with it.
About two weeks before the wedding, dana is complaining about every little detail, mainly critisising me for my decorating skills and other mean comments about me and the other bridesmaids, emma was dealing with a lot of stress because of the wedding chaos and i yelled at dana that if she thought everything about being a bridesmaid sucked so much, why didnt she just leave the bridal party, after that she stormed out and sent a short text to emma that she was not going as a bridesmaid, just as a guest, then she blocked emma, we all thought she did the right thing and we decided to just act like she had never been a bridesmaid snd we just kept going.
On the day of the wedding it turned out just like we all had expected, and it went smoothly, until i noticed dana in the crowd, wearing a white floorlength dress, i elbowed emma kind of and pointed at dana, emma whispered "fix it" and i stood up and walked towards dana, i smiled and waved innocently, i started to make polite conversation, when i got to her however, i "tripped" and spilled my red wine all over her dress, she screamed and she ran out, but problem solved.
After the wedding my phone got flooded with calls from emmas family, saying that i ruined the wedding and that dana didnt do anything wrong, the bridal party and a lot of people are on my side but others are saying i was in the wrong.
AITAH? Should i have done it differently?

My boyfriend and I have been dating for 6 months now. We were friends before and it was good - relaxed, fun, and felt we could share anything with each other.
I had just gotten out of a bad relationship when we started dating - it was unhealthy, and when I broke it off he took it badly and hurt me. Sometime after, my friend and I realized we had feelings for each other and decided to go for it.
He had a couple of hard and fast boundaries though, which I would learn over time. At first, I used to talk to my guy friends without letting him know each time I was, which upset him. If my guy friends flirted with me, I would brush it off instead of telling them to stop. And because we were long distance, he wanted to be updated on everything, all the time.
He wants to know when I was leaving the house, where I was going, what my plans were, who I was with, etc. before I even left. I kind of understand - I don’t live in a very safe place and at first it seemed like he was just concerned about my safety. But it grew to seem like he was suspicious I was hiding something.
Now he wants updates on everything I’m doing. When I have doctors appointments, when I talk to my apartment manager (a guy), basically when I do anything. He wants little updates, too, so he can be included in my life. My ex still controls my phone plan (long story) and though I don’t talk to him, I set up an automatic payment each month. My boyfriend became upset that I did this without telling him after we spoke about it and he said I should send it a few days before it’s due so I don’t have to worry about my ex contacting me when it is due.
Idk, it feels off to me but I also have PTSD from other stuff in my past and can’t tell if this is normal behavior. He said it’s been the same with his past relationships and that he never even had to ask them to do any of it, they just did. But he’s also been cheated on in all of his past relationships and a lot of his insecurity comes from that.
The updates started to stress me out. I’m not used to doing this sort of thing, or maybe I’m not used to someone caring so much (and maybe it’s a good thing he does). So when I do something and forget to update him, I start panicking. I don’t want to hurt or upset him and I don’t want it to lead to a fight. I know how important this is to him and I know he feels like I don’t care about it when I forget. I don’t know how I keep forgetting. When I forgot about the phone thing, he said “it’s okay, it’s only been six months” and I could tell what he meant by that.
But he has also adjusted his boundaries for me. He now doesn’t mind if I talk to my guy friends, as long as I let him know when I do (but I haven’t due to the anxiety with it). He knows the updates stress me out and tries to just let it go when I forget. He has given me so much leeway lately, which I’m grateful for, but also feel bad about.
I know he hasn’t been very open as much lately because of my reaction. I tend to get overly defensive and try to over explain myself, not coming up with excuses but trying to explain my reasoning instead of just admitting I was wrong and apologizing. I’m working on this as well as calming my emotions in the moment so I don’t overreact.
But do you guys think this is problematic behavior? I want a girl’s perspective. My mom and I are estranged and my boyfriend doesn’t like me talking about my relationship to my girl friends, who I’ve barely spoken to anyway and feel bad about just dumping this on them. I also may delete this later as it’s kind of breaking that rule too.
I’m going to go visit him tomorrow and want to talk about this stuff but want to make sure I’m not coming from a bad place when I do.
Thanks guys.
Edit: forgot to mention we got into a fight recently because the top button of my shirt kept popping open at work and was a bit revealing. I told him about it because he would want to know. He was upset I didn’t change my shirt (I realized it was a problem before I left for work but didn’t feel I had time to pick out a whole new outfit) and claimed I did it to get male attention, which is completely out of character. But he doesn’t want to talk about it because I was very hurt and didn’t handle it well.

i’m not sure how long it’s been since the breakup, but it’s still fresh out from a few days to a week. i’m 21F, been in countless relationships to situationships & everything in between. i will admit what i’m about to say is so corny, but they were all pretty forgettable. however i know i will remember this one for a long long time.
she (21F) knows my reddit, & she’s also on this sub (to my knowledge), but at this point does it really make a difference whether she sees this or not? i’m going to try to make this short & sweet; i’m dumpee, she’s the dumper. also want to preface this by saying that i am not the victim here, ive done certain things that were the cause of why our relationship ended. to be brief, ive struggled with addiction for a while & i recently relapsed and tried to hide it from her & lie about it. we were talking about going no contact. again, after being in relationship after relationship, no contact is the most painless option to move on from your ex. personally, it would hurt me more (& this is not my ex’s fault at all lol) to stay friends, have to talk to her as just my friend, & potentially (or should i say eventually) see her with someone else, going on dates, etc. i like to stay friends with my exes, so i normally navigate breakups by immediately going no contact for a few months-year & reconnecting from there.
i’ve always sort of struggled with knowing whether my ex really cared or valued the relationship as much as i did. best way i can describe it is, “does she love me because she loves me or does she love me because of the way i love her?” this post is in no way a direct reflection of how she felt about me; i just wanted to provide some context for why i feel so crushed by this.
i told her that id like to go no contact once i go to rehab. she asked if i want no contact forever or once i finish rehab. im trying to be cool about it (boygenius) so i say that whatever she wants is fine. keep in mind, she hasn’t expressed any preferences for no contact, limited contact, friends, etc. so i already felt like she didn’t really care about what happens to us. she says she will let me know when the time comes then follows up with “unless you contact me i’ll assume we’re going no contact moving forward.” as in she will assume that we won’t talk again except if i reach out first.
you can look through my post & comment history so you’ll understand what i mean when i say that i’ve been numbing myself since things ended. i’ve processed it. i’ve accepted that it is what it is. but i can’t say that it is what i wanted or that i wasn’t surprised that it ended when it did & how it did. i have no clue if she’s looked through my reddit. i guess the main takeaway is that im the one who doesn’t care about the breakup, because im talking about hook-ups, one night stands, meaningless sex, radical acceptance, hyper independence, etc. honestly i wrote on those (& this post) for me to somehow grasp the situation, and force myself to move on & keep moving forward. because why would i try to keep lighting a flame that she already blew out? & that’s completely okay. i guess i figured that because she dumped me, she’s waiting for me to move on & stop making her feel bad, so she can be relieved, so i tried to convince myself that “that’s it, what’s done is done, onto the next!” i only have the utmost love & respect for her and im so grateful i got the chance to be in her life for a short time, but ill speak for myself when i say that i have never felt so close to and so intimate with another human being. when things ended, i was angry. not at her, but at myself & at the circumstances. and now? the second i read that text about her not having a preference for whether we stay in contact or never speak again.. the tears finally came out. i haven’t cried once since the breakup. felt like i was invincible. as immature & silly as it is, i wanted to make it seem like i care less because out of my own insecurities, i felt like an inconvenience that prevented her from moving on with her life. but L, you really got me with that one. i surrender, you win. not gonna lie, reading that text stung. it really fucking hurt. just a few weeks ago, i could have never pictured my future without her in it. we were inseparable. we used to laugh about how absurd it would be if we actually broke up one day, and how we were so sure that we’d find our way back to each other someday, regardless of what was happening in our lives.
but guess what? that’s life. sometimes your actions have consequences. and what goes around does actually come right back around. i can attest to that now. i didn’t treat my disease, so of course it grew more & more until i actually picked up drugs again. i chose my addiction over the person i once thought was the love of my life. i cannot blame or hate her in any way at all for potentially never wanting to speak to me again. i cannot begin to imagine the pain ive caused her because i neglected caring for myself. there is no apology that will do it justice, what’s done is done, and now i must sit with the discomfort & pain from my own doing as a result. all i can do now is go to rehab, and more importantly, go to rehab for myself. because i don’t ever want to lose such meaningful relationships that i will never find again in my life, all due to my substance abuse & the person i become when im a slave to a drug.
L, i know this is corny as shit. and i know that you know how sorry i am for how things played out, & how i ruined everything. i am so grateful to have crossed paths with you, and you have no idea what you have done to me & my life. the world needs more people like you. i will spend the rest of my life missing you, and i highly doubt that there will ever come a day where the thought of you doesn’t cross my mind. if i could give you the moon, i would give you the moon (phoebe bridgers). and for the record, i do care. i care so so much. i remember everything. i want you to know that i will always care & if there ever comes a time you need me, you know where to find me. thank you for everything. & thank you for being you.

To preface, I am a 26 year old female, alot of the events that I'm going to talk about occurred when I was a child, some will be more recent, but as I keep low to no contact with my parents now, there wouldn't be much to tell.
As far back as I can remember, my mom would say and do things that made me feel like I wasn't as important as my brother(s). Before my younger brother (22M) was born, if my older brother (29M) broke or damaged something, he'd blame it on me. She always believed him. Sometimes he'd pinch himself, run to our mom crying and say that I pinched him for no reason and I'd end up getting punished. If he wanted to use the PS1 (for those who remember that) and I was using it, I'd be forced to get off so he could have a turn, regardless of how little time I had been using it. The same applied to the family computer. Anything he wanted, he got.
After my little brother came into the picture I assumed my older brother would be forced to share the game systems, computer, toys etc. But I was mistaken. Instead, my mom began to spoil them both, giving them whatever they asked for. Citing their recent autism diagnosis as the reason for the special treatment. "You're the only normal one, you have to compromise on these things for your brothers because they're special." "You have to be mature and responsible because they can't." Were essentially the messages I was fed for years.
I was often the one left in charge if my parents went out, not my older brother. If I wasn't in charge, they would have our oldest brother, (32M) who was adopted by our maternal grandparents, my mom's parents, watch us. Unfortunately, he was also spoiled rotten, but by my grandparents in an attempt to make up for the fact that my mom didn't raise him. Which only fueled my older brother's need for the latest and greatest toys/games at the time. So they got into arguments all the time and I'd end up being the mediatoone in charge regardless. I always had to keep a close eye on my little brother regardless of who was left in charge also, he's not as self sufficient as my older brother and lacked the understanding that most kids his age had, so he needed constant supervision or else he'd end up getting hurt. Which happened a few times, but surprisingly only while my parents were the ones watching him.
When I was 10, my dad lost his job after a seizure (he's an epileptic) caused him to slam his face into a coffee table. He wasn't able to immediately return to work due to the damage, and was fired as a result. We were then evicted from our apartment and were forced to move in with my maternal grandmother. My grandfather had passed a few years prior so it was just her, my uncle and my oldest brother living in the house at the time. My grandmother didn't want us there, to put it simply. My uncle is the one who kept bothering her about how my mom was going to lose custody of us if we didn't have somewhere to go, and she eventually caved. But she wasn't discreet about how little she enjoyed having us there.
At 13, we were still living with my grandmother, my dad had gotten a new job and I finally got a cell phone. Not my own, but my Dad shared his with me after he'd get off work. So from the hours of 4pm to 10pm, I was a regular teen with a phone, which felt nice. One day, I had to text a friend about something related to school, so I asked my mom if I could borrow her phone to text this friend. As I was getting the info on the assignment that I needed, a text came across the screen. It was from my mom's ex Jay. Jay was the father of my two older brothers, (29M & 32M) he was also physically abusive towards my mom when they were together. I admit I shouldn't have gone through her messages, but as far as our entire family was aware, Jay wanted nothing to do with my mom or my brothers, so I was curious as to why/how my mom had his number saved, let alone why they were speaking. To my horror, my mom was flirting with and sending very explicitly worded messages about how much she wanted him and how terrible my dad was. I'll admit, neither of my parents were perfect, my mom had her favoritism of my brothers, while my dad was verbally and physically abusive towards me and my older brother, but never my little brother. My dad also cheated on my mom with a coworker shortly after I was born. Which my mom made common knowledge to us kids by the time I was 7. So our relationship as a family, was tumultuous to say the least. Nevertheless, I brought the texts to my dad, who then confronted my mom. I mean, I was a kid, I had no idea how to navigate that. So I brought it to an adult, as I thought I was supposed to. But boy, I had no idea that things would turn they way they did. My mom essentially told my dad, who barely understands technology, that the texts he thought she sent, her ex sent and that I was just trying to break them up because I hate her. He believed her. This affected me for years because she'd always use it as leverage to accuse me of lying. "Well you lied about those texts, so obviously you'd lie about this too!" I was branded a liar and to this day, despite her admitting that she was lying back then, everyone in my family just sees me as a melodramatic liar and I've come to accept that will probably never change.
At 14, one of my best friends died in a train accident. I wasn't allowed to go to his funeral because my parents had booked a vacation to see my dad's family. My parents knew that telling me no before we left would result in me sneaking out and going to the funeral anyway, so they lied to me, saying that they'd think about it and let me know in the morning before we'd leave, saying it with that tone they use when you know they're going to say yes just to make me think I'd be able to go to the funeral and avoid having to look for me. They've admitted to all of this which is even more chilling to me. The next morning, they'd already packed my luggage in the car by the time I had woken up. My dad sat down and told me in no uncertain terms that I was not going to the funeral and that I was going with them, regardless of what I thought or did. I kicked, screamed, cried, bit, everything I could possibly do to get my dad to put me down. But in the end he turned on the child safety locks and he threw me in the car with my younger brother, we left and spent 3 days with my dad's family. All the while I was made fun of and mocked for crying constantly on what was "supposed to be" a happy vacation according to my parents. My older brother didn't want to go, so he didn't have to. But apparently that only applied to him. To this day I still haven't forgiven them for that.
At 15, I was kicked out of my grandmothers house, and only my dad was against it. But in the end, I had to go live with my boyfriend because I had nowhere else to go and nothing my dad said changed the minds of my mom or grandmother. Until I turned 18, my mom would get me $100 in groceries a month, to keep me alive. (I think she was just afraid I'd report her for abandonment if she didn't atleast feed me) Even then, she would say that she couldn't afford the $100 sometimes and I'd have to get a month of food out of $50 or less.
At 18, I became pregnant. My dad was very unhappy. I had my first born and I thought we were on the road to mending our relationship.
At 21, my parents invited me and my child to their house for dinner, they also invited my boyfriend but he was unable to join us because he was tired from work, but these dinners had become a regular occurrence at this point. Unfortunately, my older brother (29M) still lives at home with them and my younger brother, so I was forced to interact with him. He ended up saying something like "Mom and Dad only put up with you because they want to see your kid." It struck a nerve with me, because it had already felt that way to me for awhile, and my parents were right there, but didn't deny what he said and I started to cry. I excused myself outside but I wasn't calming down.
For some context, back when I lived at my grandmother's house, I had regular breakdowns. My parents were constantly yelling at me or hitting me for one thing or another. I didn't have a room or a bed back then, I slept on the couch in the living room from the ages of 10-15. So when my dad would go off, he'd repeatedly slam me down into whatever surface was in the room if I tried to get up or leave the room we were in. So the couch if it was the living room, my parents bed if we were arguing in their room, etc. My mom never stopped this. Sometimes it would go on for hours, and it'd get to the point where I'd either freak out and get physical with my dad or I would start to rip out my hair and beg him to leave me alone. I was regularly laughed at by my mom or older brother and called dramatic for reacting that way during these screaming sessions.
But in that moment l, as I was crying outside, I felt like that kid again. I was small and meaningless. I wanted to go home. So I collected myself as best I could and walked inside, grabbing my son as I walked up to my parents at the dining table. I told my mom that I was sorry, but we're going home. She got as far as saying, "But we're about to have di- ." before my dad began to scream at me like I had never heard him scream before. My mom took my son into another room as soon as she saw that I was caught off guard by my dad's outburst, and locked him in my uncles bedroom. For over an hour my dad berrated me, as I could hear my son wailing for me from the other room. He kept pushing me and getting in my face, not letting me leave the dining room, he almost slapped me but for whatever reason, didn't. My mom and older brother, just like when I was a kid, stood there and laughed at my reactions. Eventually, he stopped because I said something that made him really mad, so he charged outside and left. My uncle came out of his room with my son soon after and he drove us home. I sent them a long message afterwards stating that I'm going no contact. That lasted about three years, and we've since reconnected in the past 2 years, my dad hasn't pulled anything like that, seemingly because he knows I'm serious when I say I will never speak to them again. My mom on the other hand is back on the "she's out to get me" "she hates me" train again. Anytime I ask her something, even simple yes or no questions, she sends me a novel detailing her yes or no answer. If she's saying no, she always phrases things like I'm this unhinged person who goes crazy over being told no and that she's just an innocent victim to my rage? Which is funny because regardless of what her answer is my response is always "Okay." Or "Okay, thank you." And any question is prefaced heavily with "You really don't have to if you don't want to." "It's totally fine if you cant." "It's fine if you say no, I can figure out something else if need be." I don't want to be a burden and I don't like exerting more energy than absolutely necessary, so I have no reason to try to argue with her. It's gotten to the point where we have so little contact, she has to blow up small misunderstandings that happen when we do converse. My uncle sent me a screenshot from my mom to him, which was her saying I needed to do something, I honestly don't remember what. But whatever it was, apparently my dad and my uncle were the ones who wanted me to know that, not her. Which honestly doesn't matter either way to me. But I guess she took whatever I said in response as an attack despite only saying okay or alright as a response, and I had to deal with her and my dad spamming my phone in the middle of the night trying to make this literal non issue, an issue. So I ended up replying that I have no idea why or how this had devolved into what it did, but I have nothing to do with this, and to stop messaging me about it. Surprisingly they did. Finally the most recent thing was that I had talked to my parents, in front of everyone at their house, including my boyfriend and our kids. I told them I wanted to start looking for a job and was wondering if they'd be willing to watch my now two kids for a couple of hours on some of the days that I work, just until we save enough for the down payment at a daycare for them. My main driver for this was that my mom and dad had been pushing for my kids to stay ovespend time with them so i figured if we could do that while I also work that'd really help. Nowhere in my mind do I think I am entitled to my parents help, I just thought that if they were pushing to spend time with them, that this was a perfect opportunity to do so. My parents agreed initially, but when I called them to make plans about it because I had an interview lined up, my mom said she never agreed to anything like that and that she "wasn't going to raise my kids for me." In the end, it wasn't worth an argument and I just said that she could have just said no the first time I brought it up, and I would have just started looking at alternatives for childcare. Pulling this hurtful stunt was unnecessary and cruel. And we haven't spoken much since.
Honestly I doubt they'll ever actually change, which is why I keep them at an arms length. Sorry for the rant, I just needed somewhere to put all of this.

long post ahead! i’m not sure how long it’s been since the breakup, but it’s still fresh out from a few days to a week. i’m 21F, been in countless relationships to situationships & everything in between. i will admit what i’m about to say is so corny, but they were all pretty forgettable. however i know i will remember this one for a long long time.
she (21F) knows my reddit, & she’s also on this sub (to my knowledge), but at this point does it really make a difference whether she sees this or not? i’m going to try to make this short & sweet; i’m dumpee, she’s the dumper. also want to preface this by saying that i am not the victim here, ive done certain things that were the cause of why our relationship ended. to be brief, ive struggled with addiction for a while & i recently relapsed and tried to hide it from her & lie about it. we were talking about going no contact. again, after being in relationship after relationship, no contact is the most painless option to move on from your ex. personally, it would hurt me more (& this is not my ex’s fault at all lol) to stay friends, have to talk to her as just my friend, & potentially (or should i say eventually) see her with someone else, going on dates, etc. i like to stay friends with my exes, so i normally navigate breakups by immediately going no contact for a few months-year & reconnecting from there.
i’ve always sort of struggled with knowing whether my ex really cared or valued the relationship as much as i did. best way i can describe it is, “does she love me because she loves me or does she love me because of the way i love her?” this post is in no way a direct reflection of how she felt about me; i just wanted to provide some context for why i feel so crushed by this.
i told her that id like to go no contact once i go to rehab. she asked if i want no contact forever or once i finish rehab. im trying to be cool about it (boygenius) so i say that whatever she wants is fine. keep in mind, she hasn’t expressed any preferences for no contact, limited contact, friends, etc. so i already felt like she didn’t really care about what happens to us. she says she will let me know when the time comes then follows up with “unless you contact me i’ll assume we’re going no contact moving forward.” as in she will assume that we won’t talk again except if i reach out first.
you can look through my post & comment history so you’ll understand what i mean when i say that i’ve been numbing myself since things ended. i’ve processed it. i’ve accepted that it is what it is. but i can’t say that it is what i wanted or that i wasn’t surprised that it ended when it did & how it did. i have no clue if she’s looked through my reddit. i guess the main takeaway is that im the one who doesn’t care about the breakup, because im talking about hook-ups, one night stands, meaningless sex, radical acceptance, hyper independence, etc. honestly i wrote on those (& this post) for me to somehow grasp the situation, and force myself to move on & keep moving forward. because why would i try to keep lighting a flame that she already blew out? & that’s completely okay. i guess i figured that because she dumped me, she’s waiting for me to move on & stop making her feel bad, so she can be relieved, so i tried to convince myself that “that’s it, what’s done is done, onto the next!” i only have the utmost love & respect for her and im so grateful i got the chance to be in her life for a short time, but ill speak for myself when i say that i have never felt so close to and so intimate with another human being. when things ended, i was angry. not at her, but at myself & at the circumstances. and now? the second i read that text about her not having a preference for whether we stay in contact or never speak again.. the tears finally came out. i haven’t cried once since the breakup. felt like i was invincible. as immature & silly as it is, i wanted to make it seem like i care less because out of my own insecurities, i felt like an inconvenience that prevented her from moving on with her life. but L, you really got me with that one. i surrender, you win. not gonna lie, reading that text stung. it really fucking hurt. just a few weeks ago, i could have never pictured my future without her in it. we were inseparable. we used to laugh about how absurd it would be if we actually broke up one day, and how we were so sure that we’d find our way back to each other someday, regardless of what was happening in our lives.
but guess what? that’s life. sometimes your actions have consequences. and what goes around does actually come right back around. i can attest to that now. i didn’t treat my disease, so of course it grew more & more until i actually picked up drugs again. i chose my addiction over the person i once thought was the love of my life. i cannot blame or hate her in any way at all for potentially never wanting to speak to me again. i cannot begin to imagine the pain ive caused her because i neglected caring for myself. there is no apology that will do it justice, what’s done is done, and now i must sit with the discomfort & pain from my own doing as a result. all i can do now is go to rehab, and more importantly, go to rehab for myself. because i don’t ever want to lose such meaningful relationships that i will never find again in my life, all due to my substance abuse & the person i become when im a slave to a drug.
L, i know this is corny as shit. and i know that you know how sorry i am for how things played out, & how i ruined everything. i am so grateful to have crossed paths with you, and you have no idea what you have done to me & my life. the world needs more people like you. i will spend the rest of my life missing you, and i highly doubt that there will ever come a day where the thought of you doesn’t cross my mind. if i could give you the moon, i would give you the moon (phoebe bridgers). and for the record, i do care. i care so so much. i remember everything. i want you to know that i will always care & if there ever comes a time you need me, you know where to find me. thank you for everything. & thank you for being you.

Context: My husband and I have been married for almost 8 years. We have two young children and I am 37 weeks pregnant. I full time 40 hours a week and come home very late at night as it is a Twilight midnight shift. My husband has his own business that's up and down. 70 percent of our house is under construction for remodeling which my husband does mostly himself and I help where I physically can. It takes a lot of money and work. The kitchen isn't ready still which will be really important to have when the baby comes to safely make found and clean bottles etc.
We moved here in a rush because my husband's PTSD is triggered by the town we lived by. Into that my husband has PSTD because of a whole complicated situation that happened two years ago where I lied a I had been raped and blackmailed by an ex but was trying to handle it by myself and no I didn't trust my husband at the time and we had a terrible relationship so I was admittedly absolutely stupid and tried to handle the situation myself and then just came clean and it all exploded. My husband is an EXTREMELY trusting person so that's basically ruined our relationship and no matter what I do it's not improving trust by a ton so I basically live by clearing activities with him and constantly updating him on everything I'm doing and have a constant location on me... No the point but His trust in people is 100% related. He's been burned by other people before and he keeps trust in others ESPECIALLY his guy friends.
My mental health isn't great as I have anxiety depression and trauma disorder. I have huge trust issues with men and my house I'm in is the closest thing I have to are sanctuary where I can be myself.
Other related context: I've had a lot of death in my life in the past few years. Namingly about 2 years ago my brother committed suicide sadly and just last year a friend from work also committed suicide. Others in my family have passed away from health related reasons.
So story time. Today I'm having a major mental health struggle, feeling trapped (partially from my husband telling me to come home instead of going out with some friends from work which happens about every week ... I don't really see many people unless he gets to supervise.), and I just was struggling. Hormones probably. I tried to text him about it but I brushed it off saying maybe it'll pass and then he lets me know one of his friends tried to commit suicide last week and he's okay physically. I sympathized and he didn't say much after but talked about other stuff. Anyways he gets home from his guys get together and announced his friend has to stay with someone and move out of his sister's house. He says a friend with a stable home and no kids said he would but wants to discuss it with his wife first. I say oh that's great! Then he says that he volunteered our house if his friends can help him build a wall to make a bedroom for his friend. And tells me they said they would. I was kinda shocked that he just made this decision without me and wasn't asking me but seemed to be telling me. It'll cost $600 or more and we would have to buy a bed for him then I'll have to move all that stuff somewhere else but everything is already crowded in there from the kitchen. I don't know what I'll do with those things. He just says yeah and walks out of the room. I don't know when this is, how long, anything about his schedule, if he's eating our food, or what any of this entails. It's just adding to our list and I wasn't even thought of or consulted. We still need to finish cleaning and moving things around the house so it's ready when the baby comes. A chunk is his stuff and I'm not sure what to do with it and we need to purchase a few things for the baby still...he's been telling me we have no money.
I think about these concerns and questions for a bit (20 minutes) and come out and I ask: when you were talking about ___ staying with us, were you informing me or consulting me? He sarcastically says informing, laughs, then goes on to say it we didnt because of me I'm a horrible person or an evil person (yes those words). I asked if he thought his other friend who is consulting his wife is evil because she might decline and he said "she might be!" I was shocked. I kept trying to explain that as a partnership and with my background and current state (preggers) I think it's definitely appropriate to consult me and for us to talk about any concerns or obstacles. He starts calling me manipulative and a terrible person and say I help no one (I did help a friend who was homeless a couple years ago when we had a different house where she could stay and I help his sisters and mom once a month at least but oh well). He also doesn't count my job in that. Then he starts calling me a liar randomly and calls me horrible again. I said I am feeling really cornered in this that if I feel uncomfortable I am apparently evil but if I say yeah I'm good with it I'm a liar. I was crying pretty bad (hormones mixed with the situation) and he kept telling me to leave and go to work but I was trying to work it out. It wasn't a straight no from me, I just didn't see it working out and I wanted to work through the concerns and obstacles together to see if it really made sense. Its a big deal right now with everything going on. In my mind that means a discussion.
I don't know though. I ended up sleeping on his sister's couch after work tonight. I'll get up early and get back home before the kids wake up so they don't think I left for good or anything. He goes polar opposite on how he treats me and what he says about me.
So reddit? Let's have it ... Am I the a-hole?
EDIT: I also said as I was leaving if it's that big of deal and we can't discuss it, I'm leaving while his friend sleeps over. On top of it his friend has the same first name as my ex who raped me. I like his friend but that's a little far to hear the name even for a few days. Yes, Ive done therapy but it's expensive so I'll get back to it soon

I (15F) and my Older sister Eli (22F) have gotten along for most of my childhood, I remember her as my hero and Shield for helping me and my younger sister Luz (12F) to not get grounded. But over the past few years I can see how she changed as a person, for context, I was her first course of help and advise before my parents because I was well known for knowing more than a 30 year old person, I was the first one to know when she decided to get married at the age of 18 with her now ex Vincent (21M). I was her Bridesmaids and the one that helped her thought the whole thing, like choices of dresses and Make-up, as well as Hair, basically her right hand.
Not long after the marriage Vincent came to my parents house, asking if we've seen her wife, apparently, they got into a fight over some texts on Eli's phone during a party, Vincent was mad, as he had a right to be, his mother was on his side as my mom and dad called Eli with no response. This happened one day before my 13th birthday, I was upset as to why she had runned away and not told me anything as she did always. The next day Eli came to my parents house for some clothes, she looked miserable, she told my dad she was staying over her Grandparents (me and her are only related thanks to my father), my father got mad at her, and she cried in me and now Luz' room for at least an hour, I said nothing because my father told me to.
For months we lost contact with her, and we didn't knew were or with who she was. Until she actually reached out to us, se tried to fix her relationship with Us over gifts, visits and even calls, my mom and dad Helped Eli thought the whole divorce process, everything was okay until we lost contact with her once again. My mom was pissed but said nothing, as well as my dad. Some months later we come to contact again, she told us she had some problems with her partner (who I just had the chance to meet like five times), but everything was okay now. Until her partner died from Blood cancer, she was devastated and she slept with us for a few days, during those few days I stayed up all night to watch over her (me and my sisters slept in the same room and bed), as she talked and moved during her sleep, I bought a night lamp so she could fell secure as she was now scared of darkness, and my mother noticed, she thanked me for taking care of Eli and Luz during sleep.
Our relationship grew, until she found another partner, and left her old MIL's house. Her partner was really chill, overall a great guy, but I never got to meet him fully. They broke up at least 2 times and got back before actually breaking up because the guy cheated. Not a month latter Eli got another partner, During that time as she lived in my parents house, she got into a Fight/Chat with my mom, I was present to whole thing where she claimed she had Depression, anxiety and other problems I can't recall, she never actually went to therapy so she was self diagnosing herself (I hate when people do that). During the fight she claimed that no one cares about her and she had to endure everything alone basically forgetting how I stayed up at night watching over her, helping her to distract herself on other stuff, taking her side at most fights etcetera. I told her "You have a family who cares about you, if you can't see that, is your problem because you're so selfish and Mentally unstable" She looked at me with shocked eyes as I was always a person to keep silent during fights, she told me to not get into the fight as it wasn't none of my business, I told her to suck it up because it was the truth and I went to sleep.
She became distant of me and I didn't mind, I had my friends to distract myself from my family problems. She had at least 2 or 3 other relationships after the during fight guy. She got with a guy who I don't like in any way a few months ago, she now lives with him. She had at least fought with him over 5 times, everytime she "Broke up" with him she would go with me and my mom, Telling us how she will not come back with him because of how he and his mother treats her, at one point my mom got mad, and my dad had to give Eli a long talk as he always did when something wrong happened.
1 month ago my dad died from a heart attack and blood cancer related. I was the one to maintain my composure for more long, i basically helped the rest of my family during the whole funeral, watching over my sister and mother when they slept. Eli cried, saying how she didn't said she loved my dad enough, or that she had a lot to things to apologize for, she hugged the box for the longest as my mother cried uncontrollably, mainly my two sisters and mom cried in my shoulders and chest as I only let some tears go.
We became more closer with my sister, only two days later Eli told us that her MIL told her to suck up her pain as my dad was already dead and another stuff (she sent us an audio of her MIL saying this). I obviously got mad and I told her to tell her MIL to f off.
In the 9th day of my dad's passing (as my dad's family is very religious) they made a praying, I didn't felt good and Eli took me outside, I talked to her and I cried so hard on her shoulder, my eyes where swollen and I could barely Oppen them. She told me that I could rely on her anytime I wanted, going to the beach, for a walk, anytime I wished. Everything went well until her birthday a few weeks ago. We visited and cleaned my dads grave, she told us how her partner called her all sorts of hurtful names because the guy saw her with another dude on a bike (her best friends boyfriend), she told us how her MIL called her name's and made her the bay guy, Bethen other things. She told us she was not going to get back with him, two days latter she went out with her friend, she didn't came Back until 9am the next day, apparently she went back with her "ex" over some cute words he told her, and that was it. Shes now on a business trip, she's posting stuff with her boyfriend and cute stuff that I now find disgusting realising how toxic that couple is.
I realised that Eli can't be without a man, I don't know what to do or what to tell her so she could realize that he's not the one as she said in her WhatsApp status. I can't let her live like this, i really care about her, i suggested therapy but she brushed it off, my mother told me to let her go, but I don't want Eli to end in the streets, or something to happen to her. She's my sister and I care about her, but anytime I want to talk to her privately my mother tells me to not do it and that is not worth it.
So, AITAH for wanting to slap some common sense into my sister?

Hello,
I (M34) got dumped 2 months ago. In our relationship, I emotionally abused my ex a lot of the time. I made a separate post about it if you want the backstory.
We have been semi living together since the breakup. It's hard to find an apartment where we live, and she's still on the lease. She's been living with a friend a few blocks away until she can get an apartment. She kept most of her stuff, mostly clothes, in my apartment since she can't keep it at her friends place. She comes by a few days a week to get stuff, do laundry and things like that, so we talk a bit sometimes. Not an ideal situation, I know. She's moving out very soon.
As I said, during our relationship I was emotionally abusive. I got angry and manipulated her into thinking it was all her fault every time I made a mistake or we had a fight. When she broke up with me my initial reaction was anger and I felt betrayed. However, after about 3 weeks I realized I was the one at fault. I was the problem. I realized I couldn't be angry or feel betrayed. It hit me like a brick wall.
Then and there I decided to drop all my horrible behavior (as best I could) and defense mechanisms. I started analyzing my own behavior. Ive been trying to be as nice as I can towards her. I want to be a good person. When we sometimes talk about my abuse towards her I never defend my actions anymore. I would have done that in the past. Made it her fault. Instead, I take full responsibility.
Yesterday, she was doing the laundry. I mentioned to her that my clothes had sort of an old smell when I had washed them. I told her that a week back as well. I told her she might have to run the self-cleaning program. She went to the washing/drying machine and saw that I hadn't cleaned it properly. There was quite a lot of lint and I hadn't emptied the water container for the dryer. She started saying things like: "I told you to clean it. Why haven't you cleaned it the right way? You told me about this a week ago and I told you to clean it. I am so sick of this. I broke up with you two months ago and I still have to come here and do things like this for you. Now I can't do the laundry. I'm so sick of it." I said something like "I am sorry. I didn't know you had to clean it in that way (I've never had a combined washedryer before and she did most of the laundry). It's my fault, I am sorry, I will clean it" and went over to the washing machine ready to clean everything, but she said no and started to clean it in an irritated way.
She didn't say those things in an overly angry way. Just very irritated. I think she took some of her anger for other things I did out on me. She's not usually like that.
Usually, I would have started an argument and got really angry and defensive. It would have turned into a huge fight when it in reality could be solved in 2 minutes. Instead, this time I could feel tears building up inside. I felt so sad and useless. I felt I had made a huge mistake, even though it was just a minor thing and she was just irritated. I had to run into my office and lock the door. I bawled my eyes out. I have never reacted like that before. I have always gotten defensive and angry, changing the topic to something bad she did, whatever the situation. I would have manipulated her into apologizing in the end.
This time I didn't do that. Could that be because I actually started to drop my defense mechanisms, or is there another psychological explanation? I felt that I couldn't process my emotions. I just felt useless, but I didn't want to defend myself this time, especially not in an angry way.

When I was 21, I dated a woman who cheated on me with a guy she worked with. She worked at McDonald's and I was sooo naive lol SMH! Looking back I can see where I should've just left her alone but, my anger and pride wouldn't let me! I used to come home and she acted normal even though she had just had sex with the guy before I came. I ended up meeting a guy who started working with me at my job ( I worked 2nd shift at a retirement center and my girlfriend worked morning shift at McDonald's). His name was Mike and he was cool! Anywho, we started to get cool with each other and started talking about our personal life with each other. I started talking about my girl and where she worked and that's when I learned that that was his morning job. He said he stayed to himself most of the time because it was like eff fest 98' in there especially with this guy and a girl who worked there. Of course it was my girl SMH and he overheard the conversation between the guy and my girl in which the guy said that he felt uncomfortable messing with a girl who had a man. Especially when it seems serious. She supposedly said that it wasn't serious and that she didn't care what I did and with who. She said she knows I wasn't going anywhere and Mike said he was sitting right there ( they were in the back near the freezer next to the break room where Mike was sitting) Supposedly she also said if I came out and told her that I had sex with her sister ( a baddie and easy) she wouldn't care. Mike felt bad for telling me but I thanked him and went about my day at work. He'd check on me to see if I was cool and I was. I asked my boss if I could leave early and have the next day off. He told me I was pushing it but since he was cool with me and knew what happened, he let me have it. I reached out to her sister, she was feeling me and I set it up for the next day. Nandy ( my ex) called me and said that her sister was coming over to stay because she had somewhere to be on our side of town and she was letting me know what was going on. Nandy left for work the next morning like she normally does and about an hour later me and her sis was doing the deed. Two weeks past by, Nandy and I had got into an argument. I told her I knew about her and her AP. AITAH for telling her that I had sex with her sister and not caring that she cried after hearing about what we did? I did leave her after that BTW.

My ex(F21) broke up with me(M21) almost 1.5 months back. We had a beautiful relationship, known each other since 4 years, were together for almost a year and 7 months. There’s no denying that we had issues to fix, patterns to break and learn to be better for each-other and amidst all this, I was quite adamant to make things work and do everything in my will to be a better person for myself and for my partner (I later on realised that I had a secure attechment pattern before this relationship but now i’ve become anxious). But she, who happens to be a dismissive avoidant instead of making things work and stick together thought of breaking things off as the best possible option. I tried to make her understand that running away from things and not fixing them will only make things worse for her and we shouldn’t let something so special, something that we’ve nurtured so lovingly—go away like that. But she didn’t move an inch from her decision and kept saying this is what’s for the best and that i’ll be thankful to her for breaking up with me someday.
I was in my worst mental state for days after the break-up. I just couldn’t understand why someone would rather choose not working or not fixing themselves and things if they are so much in love (as she said at the time of the breakup, “I still love you, it’s the relationship that’s not working out). We were in no-contact and yet she would find a reason to keep texting me making it even more difficult for me to move on and leaving no point of no-contact. To end it all, I suggested that we meet one last time in person and just finish the business because i couldn’t keep doing this any longer.
We met yesterday, the first few minutes were awkward but then it felt like nothing has changed, she kept blushing on the tiniest of remarks i made. We had dinner together, roamed around places we used to go. She kept holding my hand. She kept looking at me and would look away the moment i’d catch her doing so. All of it just the way it used to be. And as much as I was enjoying it all…I had no clue what was happening. Cut to the part where we actually got to talking about the things we were supposed to, she admitted and apologised for being the weaker one, for not being able to gather up courage to fix things, for running away when things got difficult, for not giving me what i deserved, for not being able to communicate in a better way and discarding me in a hasty and inconsiderate manner, all of it. And it made me feel better cuz i felt like i deserved it but then she started crying and said the following, “I don’t think i’ll ever find someone like you again. You made me the happiest, brought the best out of me. You made me realise what loving someone means. You are the best person I’m ever gonna come across. And I don’t think i’ll ever be able to un-love you, hell I still am madly in love with you. But maybe now isn’t a good time for us or maybe i’m not worthy of you at the moment but who knows if in the future when I’ve become a better person and I’ve healed from everything—we can be together again? I love you. I always will. Thank you for being the best.” She then hugged me while crying recklessly, kissed me on the cheek and started walking towards her place and didn’t look back.
Man if she were willing to make things work even after all that has happened, I’d happily take her back because even i feel the same way about her. But now the question is how do I move on from this? How do I recover? I need help guys.

Hey everyone. It’s my first time talking shit abt my ex to anyone and I thought it’s abt damn time that i share my my stupid ass ex. I’m sorry it’s long and excuse my language. For context, I live in Japan and I go to uni in Japan and this happened 2 years ago when I was 19.
Two years ago, when I was a freshman in uni, I had a group of friends that I was pretty close with and one of them posted a picture of me and her on her instagram. She tagged me in tho photo and I liked it and didn’t think much of it. Until one day I got a dm from this guy in my school and he told me he was a friend of my friend(the ig girl) and he thought I was super pretty. I know what ur thinking, this girl is so stupid to fall for such an obvious trap and clearly this dude is trynna hit. But mind u, I went to an all-girls high school and I was not used to being around men, especially not used to being complimented by one. Anyways, I was kinda surprised and happy to get compliments from such a good looking guy. NO JOKE he looked like Heeseung from ENHYPEN (maybe his nose wasn’t sharp as his) but as a Heeseung Stan I was like is this my y/n moment?? Anyways Heeseung (we’ll call him that now) asked me out and I said yes. Fast forward, we went on couple of dates and he was so nice and sweet, I genuinely started to like him. After maybe three months of talking, he asked me out in front of my friends. Now that I think about it, that was kinda manipulative cus he’s basically not giving me a choice to say no. But at that time, why should I say no so he and I started to go out. But here’s when it gets weird. I knew for a fact that he like those kawaii girls that wears frilly clothes and acts very cute since he followed many underground idols of such. (If u don’t know, pls google underground idols of Japan and you’ll know what I’m talking abt). Me on the other hand, I dress like a middle school skater boy and wears very tomboyish clothing and I’m very blunt. So I asked him, I’m very far from his type, was he sure he wanted to date me? And ofc he said yes, and said that he liked me for being who I am and his types are his fantasies and fantasies aren’t real. However, whenever we go out, we’ll go to Harajuku where it’s very famous for selling clothes that are very hyperfeminine and cute and he’ll point at the clothes and be like “I wish u would dress like this”. This was already pretty irritating but what’s more annoying is that when I told him I’ll wear if he bought it for me, he’ll get mad and tell me I just want his money and leave in the middle of the date. This happened multiple times but as a dumbass that I am, I let it happen. Another thing is, he was a horrible drinker. He would drink whenever and wherever and he was a sloppy drunk. He’ll call me in the middle of the night telling me to pick him up and if I refuse he’ll yell at me and throw up while being connected on the phone. He will also snatch my phone away and look thru everything but when I try to touch his phone he will suddenly start throwing tantrums about how I don’t trust him and things like that. IN PUBLIC!!! But this wasn’t the worse of it. The worse part is, he had a childhood girl best friend who was EXACTLY his type. Like she was short (150cm or smth and I’m 165cm) and loved to dress in basically Lolita clothing. Now I didn’t really mind that cus I have bunch of male friends too but I only treat them as my friends and nothing more. However, whenever he was drunk or we got into a little fight, he will talk abt his best friend nonstop. One time, we got into a huge fight abt intimacy. As I said before, I went to an all-girls high school and I was not comfortable with physical touch with men because I have been SAed before, and when we first started dating I told him that and he said he was willing to wait. We’ve been improving but never gotten to the actual deed. Then he got pissed at me telling me that I need to get over the fear of men and it’s not a big deal. I told him that it doesn’t just go away overnight and it was also during final weeks and we should be focusing on our studies. But we kept arguing and finally I told him, we’ll talk about this once the finals are done in a week. I’ll focus on my studies and u do this same. Not even a week later, I hear from my friends that he went into a love hotel (it’s a hotel for mainly having intimacy) near our school. Not once but twice!!! HE WAS SEEN TWICE!! I mean how stupid can u be, going to a love hotel near our school and being seen twice????? And guess who the girl is. ITS HIS GIRL BEST FRIEND!!!! I am not pathetic bitch so the moment I found out, I told him we need to talk. The day we talked, we went to a coffee shop and I confronted him with all the evidence and told him I’m not gonna date a fboy who just happened to have a pretty face. I was so mad at myself for being so blind so I left right after that, leaving more than enough money to cover my bills but as I was abt to leave, he grabbed me and started WAILING. not sobbing, full on ugly crying in a very quiet coffee shop. I was so damn embarrassed I tried to run but he ran after me. And he was begging me not to go and we can talk. I was so ready to punch him but the waiter from the coffee shop came out running and told us we haven’t paid the bills. I told him I already left the money and he will be paying for the rest and left. Thank god for the waiter came cus if he didn’t I would’ve been arrested for assault. Anyways I cut all contact after that and haven’t dated since! Moral of the story: fuck men and girls, don’t date handsome guys just because. Thank u for reading and sorry for the foul language lmfao.

To preface this I 26 f have been broken up with my ex boyfriend 30m for almost 3 years… our relationship started to fail when I was unable to take out as many credit card loans or make an income due to health reasons. When we moved into a newer quote on quote more upscale apartment complex I found out I was pregnant and was ecstatic because I was told I was more than likely infertile. When I told him, his first response was to make an appointment at the abortion clinic or he would leave. (Do not get me wrong I am pro choice until the day I die but this was my choice, to keep the baby). It was around Christmas time so no clinics were open (in my small town) and by the time I would be able to get an appointment I would be farther than 10weeks along…well the 11th week hit and we still hadn’t told anyone but I hadn’t slept the night before I, I felt something was wrong. When I finally got out of bed I immediately knew I was miscarrying (I had been working on labor and delivery for 3 years at that point). I told him immediately but heard nothing from him all day. When I got home he immediately changed into some “going out “ clothes and told me he was going to go out and celebrate him not having to have a baby with me anymore. Long story short 3 years later I meet the love of my life and were happily engaged planning on a summer 2025 wedding. Last week I got an emergency alert text that said my ex needed assistance through his smart watch (I bought for him). I knew this was a kind of serious one because it gave me the exact latitude and longitude of his last know whereabouts. I ignored it. And tbh I hope he’s dead in the mountains somewhere because of what he put me through. So AITA?

Step 1. Know what you want or what your session is going to be about.
Step 2. Pick a position you are going to be in for your session.
Step 3. Immobile your body and close your eyes.
Step 4. Induce the state akin to sleep (SATs) by counting from 100 to 0 or any other means you know.
Step 5. Assume the state of your wish fulfilled either by...
A. Asking yourself questions such as:
• How would I feel if I already had/were it?
• How would I see the world if I already had/were it?
• How would the world see me if I already had/were it?
And so on...
If an SP is involved then ask these questions too:
• How would I see SP if I already had/were it?
• How would the SP see me if I already had/were it?
Do not try to answer these questions. Just ask and let the response/reaction be felt/experienced by you. Repeat the question over and over to sustain the state long enough that you will end up being sustained by the state. You don't have to ask all the questions all the time. Just one that gives you the response/reaction that satisfies you.
Or...
B. Use a phrase or an affirmation that implies/follow the fulfillment and repeat that phrase over and over like a lullaby. Repeat it over and over for the same reason mentioned above.
Phrases such as:
Thank you, father!
Thank you!
It is done!
I did it!
It is finished!
This is nice!
It is wonderful!
I can't believe it!
OMG!
I am so happy!
(Notice they are exclamatory)
Step 6. Break the spell. Once your session is finished. It could be based on the timer you had set or you reached the satisfaction. Whichever happens first, break the spell. Meaning open your eyes and go about your day. You must drop the seed and let it die and be born again. You have crucified the state now let it resurrect. You can always do another session if you feel like or have a desire for it but for the current session/meditation, the act is done. Be done with it and do something else that you do in your daily life.
That's it!

If you read this, I appreciate it.
My story is a mess, and I need to get it off my chest, but I have no one I want to talk to about it. So, here I am. This is over 10 years of depression.
I grew up with abusive Christian parents. My mum, manipulative and my dad physically. I was so afraid of him I climbed out of, and almost jumped from the upstairs bathroom window while he was taking the door off the hinges to get me once.
At 18 I tried to take my life as I couldn’t cope, but survived. I realised I would die living at home so I moved out immediately after physically recovering. I had no money and lived with two men from work at an Indian restaurant. My landlord would come in drunk and S/A me twice (not as far as r*pe, but it was coming). I ran away again and he stalked me at my new job and tried to find out where I lived. My new boss would hide me out back when he came to my work.
I moved house another time after this, worked three jobs (night shifts and day) and in six months I left the country and lived in Africa volunteering for a year.
I then returned and then worked for a surf charity and fell in love with a guy. He turned out to reflect my the love of my childhood and didn’t treat me well.
I broke up with him and then moved country again to go to university, so I wouldn’t have to worry about where to live for three years. My ex had been my only person I considered family and we remained friends- this was better and not abusive.
He however, became depressed after some time due to the breakup. At 2am one night he contacted me to say he was still in love with me and committed suicide.
Three months later, I was offered a drink after work at my bar job by a customer. Not giving a shit about life I decided it would be fine. I was taken to an air BnB and r*ped. The police investigation was terrible and closed after 6 months on lack of evidence.
I didn’t leave my house much for a year after this as I was so traumatised by both events.
After this I took up boxing and worked my way up to second in my country before quitting and deciding to go travelling. I never want to stay in one place and I just needed to get away again.
I was dating someone too but it wasn’t working so I broke up with him.
I’ve been travelling for two years now but find I desperately long to be loved by someone. I feel like I have no family or anyone I’d consider family. There are people who love me deeply, but not people I resonate with. I feel too different and too detached. I have a couple of people who care about me, but they are not enough for me to feel comfortable staying and settling in one place.
It’s been six years since leaving my parents. I’ve taken therapy for many many years and I’m self aware and try my best, but shits heavy.
It was the 3rd anniversary of my ex dying and I drank an insane amount and went skateboarding alone at night. I dropped in off a few ramps and simply didn’t give a shit what happened to me.
Long story short I ended up in hospital being checked for a skull fracture. I was cleared with a very bad concussion and went completely deaf for two weeks.
I’m still in bed recovering after a month, and laying here is making me incredibly depressed and I just want to take too many of the painkillers I’ve been given. I thought I’d been doing better, but I realised how much disregard I have for my life.
In hospital, I was completely alone in a foreign country when I was told by the doc that they thought fluid was leaking out of my broken skull. I didn’t tell a single person, and simply felt calm and relieved when they told me. I thought maybe I was dying.
I would never take my life knowing the pain it causes others. However my life is not working. I refuse to stay in one place, or have a caree long term job. I’m a freelance artist, I barely have any money and scrape by, and just keep moving because I don’t focus on work. Right now it’s not enough - the moving isn’t enough. I want to take a flight somewhere remote and completely disappear. Idk for how long or how I would survive on what I have, but I want to completely detach.
I don’t even drive yet, because I keep moving, and I have a job lined up working on a ski mountain for a season, which I know I’d enjoy, but the desire to disappear is so incredibly strong now. Idk if I want to stay in one place, even if just for a season. These were my next big plans but I don’t care all that much.
If i had a dream, it would to be paid to just document my stories and experiences and travel. I’ve lived in two slums, took buses across Africa and live life very wildly. I think it’s where I feel comfortable after the way I grew up. But everything is messy, and I don’t know how to do that.
All I want is simply to disappear and also desperately want to be loved by the right people, but cannot trust anyone enough or find the right person. I just wanted to get this off my chest. That’s my life. Thankyou for reading.