The moment a lot of you have been waiting for is here!
A couple of notes before you read (or after because I would just jump into the list right away too)

1. Direct quotes from Ali herself are in italics.
2. I tried my best to keep everything in timeline order. Some people like The Come Back Kid I placed in the order where they reconnected/talked about on the pod. But I did my best to note this.
3. All this information came from the FMH podcast, the Patreon, the original FMH blog, TikTok and other podcast that feature FMH/Ali. I also crossed reference information with this sub. I got most of this done with the help of the Patreon and listening to 1.75x speed but I lost accessed to the Patreon because my subscription ended.
4. I'm open to edits! Things around the matchmaker era confused me and if anything is incorrect or if I'm missing someone, please let me know! I will note where corrections are made.
5. Some people don't have anything simply because only a name was said or I couldn't find any details about the person/date
6. And of course, please be respectful of all the sub rules!

Names on the original FMH blog

• Mr. Adorable aka The Coach
• Trouble
• Waffles
• Future Husband Brian (FHB)
• Cookie
• Peter Pan
• Ambiguous Goodbye Guy
• Bad Bitch Man

AOL chatroom Boyfriend
Mentioned on Tiktok and on the pod once
Myspace Boyfriend
Mentioned on Tiktok
Third Boyfriend
Met on eCrush.com in 2002 and this was mentioned on the Cracked Up podcast, The Dave Glaser Podcast and Tiktok
The Kiwi
Met on a 2 week Model UN type youth trip in high school when Ali was 15, never a boyfriend but she had a huge crush on him, he tried to kiss Ali and she literally ran away, didn’t talk the rest of the trip but exchanged numbers and screen names (Ali’s was FineGal13 or BeachJewel760), she made him a mixtape cd called “Ali’s really cool mix for The Kiwi” but never sent it and she still has it. In 2021, he DM’d her when she posted photos of her and her mom in France and invites her to visit him in London, she says she can’t but says they should catch up if he comes to NYC
Fourth Boyfriend
Met on OkCupid when you had to use it on the computer, this was mentioned on Tiktok
The Homecoming Date or Light Switch
First boyfriend? (she goes back and forth calling him her first bf or a situationship), a family friend, a month younger than Ali, dated in high school but went to different high schools, football player, made him ask her to her Homecoming dance over email (her words), Ali hid in the bathroom the whole Homecoming dance, 3-4 revisits of this situations as adults, saw him on Bumble a few years ago and texted him that he had a typo in his bio, “he very much wanted to be with me” and now he’s married with a kid. His mom is still “obsessed” with Ali and she listens to FMH
Random college guy
Freshman year of college, Ali doesn’t have a nickname for him/doesn’t remember his real name, met this guy through a friend, was texting him to invite him over to hot tub but her phone autocorrected to “how about some hot rubbing tonight?” but Ali didn’t noticed/didn’t correct it and he never replied, Ali had a house party and got really drunk and was all over him, he left the party early, she messaged him on MySpace 3-4 times asking why he left
The Resident
Matched on Match.com, first guy she dated in NYC after college, older than Ali, a doctor, lasted 3 months ”maybe”, he didn’t like Ali’s friends, got a card from him on her birthday and it said “Love, The Resident” and it took Ali back a little, Ali drinks black coffee because of him, he coordinated having her mom visit NYC for her birthday then he broke up with her a week later
The Ghost
Met at a bar when she was 25, turns out they matched on OkCupid and they already had a date scheduled next week, they dated for 6-8 weeks, had sleepovers, “The worst ghosting experience I’ve ever had”, he borrowed The Great Gatsby from Ali’s roommate, planned to make dinner together after a beach trip in August with her friends and never showed up, Ali is blowing up his phone and gets no reply, two weeks later she finally texts “are you alive? check yes or no” and he responds “Yes”, Ali then ask if he could return the book and gets no reply again, 5 months go by and she receives the book in the mail with the note: “Here’s the book back. Sorry. P.S. sorry about last summer. I was in a bad place. You’re a great person and your salmon is amazing”, since then she has ran into him twice on the streets and matched with him on Bumble
The Coach/Mr. Adorable
First serious boyfriend at 26/27 in 2013, matched on Match.com or met through work depending if you’re listening to the pod or reading her OG blog, clean-cut look, played volleyball, Ali invited him to a friend’s birthday party and they made out in the streets at 4am, on their second date he asked Ali if she was seeing any one and when Ali said no he ask her to be his girlfriend 3 days after their first date, dated for almost 1.5 years or almost 2 years depending on if you’re listening to the pod or the Patreon, first time saying “I love you” to a guy, “lovely guy“, never would posted Ali on his instagram until Ali said something, he “lived” with her for two weeks while he was in between apartments, tried blind folding/hair pulling during sex and she didn’t like it, by the end of their relationship Ali didn’t like sex and thought she wasn’t a very sexual person, after they broke up Ali drunk texted him at 2am and he picked her up and she spent the night and she took her things in the morning in a rolly suitcase, from her blog in 2015: “I just want to be careful I don’t end up with another Mr. Adorable situation, where I find myself dating my platonic best friend”, had drinks with him in 2016 from the blog: “Not in a romantic way (at least on my end)”, Ali still talks to him sometimes through casual instagram DMs, he’s currently (as of 2021) dating someone for 4+ years and Ali thinks they’re going to get engaged
Trouble
OG 2015 FMH blog, never mentioned on the pod, “I was immediately enamored with him”, met at a Beer Olympic party but he worked with one of Ali’s best friends (Ali was still dating The Coach at the time), lived in BK, tattoos and stubble, Ali’s best friend said he was a “fuck boy”, “he very much made me see that it was the right thing for me and The Coach to not be together”, from her blog in 2015: “he has this look in his eye like he’s constantly laughing at me – in a super sexy way”, he texted her saying he didn’t see anything romantically with her and she sent a gif of someone shrugging
Personal side note: Ali has mentioned she has cheated on someone but never disclosed who she cheated on or with. I feel like she cheated on Mr.A/The Coach with Trouble because of the timeline. Just a guess.
Waffles
Matched on Bumble, OG 2015 FMH blog, he asked Ali fuck/marry/kill breakfast foods, dated 2 months around summer time, on Fourth of July while watching fireworks he said how they had a great day and Ali replied with something along the lines with “yeah, it would be better if I could call you my boyfriend”, he said he wanted a relationship but just not with Ali and shortly afterwards they stopped seeing each other
The Buffalo
Lived in Buffalo NY, 6’5, Scorpio, met in 2015 at Adults National volleyball (Ali’s team won that year) where he was heckling her while she was playing, asks Ali’s mom for her number and Ali’s mom said “I guess you’re tall enough” and told him to ask her himself, he flew her out and she met his parents, dated over summer, exclusive but never boyfriend/girlfriend (but called him her LD boyfriend on TikTok), texted and talked on the phone a lot, Ali’s best friend’s favorite ex “they had really good banter”, in October he invited her to his cousins wedding and she invited him to her friends wedding, after Ali bought her ticket to his cousins wedding (with the promise he would buy her ticket to her friend’s wedding) he ghosted and stonewalled her, she “poured her heart out to him on voicemail” and he never replied, she asked him to pay her back for her ticket and he got mad that she “made this about money”, 2 years later he told Ali that he freaked out because he really liked her and saw a future with her but knew she would never move to Buffalo and it would “never work”, Ali said at the time she would have considered moving for him, Ali used to have him blocked on Facebook and told all her friends not to update her on info about him (unless she asked). He’s now married and goes to Disney with his wife (which Ali kind of scoffs at?), Ali said on TikTok that she dodged a bullet
Baby Bic
Met him at Adults National years ago, had a flirtationship with him in 2016 when he was 19 years old, ran into him at the Adults Nationals 2021, last texts she got from him were about getting his fake ID taken away at the bar and him visiting her in NYC but Ali didn’t want to buy him beer and drink at her apartment
The Chef
Matched on Tinder around 2016, he loved karaoke, “total shit”, asked Ali to be his girlfriend and to meet his mom after a month, off and on dating, broke up the first time because he was talking to his ex, lied and flew to Mexico to see his ex while dating Ali, that ex sent Ali a Snapchat of them in bed together on that Mexico trip, Ali broke up with him via text and called him a shitty boyfriend, he’s the reason Ali deleted her Snapchat because of drunk Snaps he would send post break up, FB messaged Ali 6 years later (while Roark was visiting/staying with Ali) and said sorry for being a shit head. Ali’s best friends hated him
The Dentist
Met on Halloween in the wild, Canadian, dated NYE 2016- May 2017 “nice guy, not my guy”, one of Ali’s best friend’s favorite ex “he adored you, “he was too sweet for me” and “he had no edge to him”, he painted Ali’s cat for her 30th birthday but she was annoyed it was just Rory and not both cats, The Chef texted Ali while on a date/sleeping at his house
ASV - Aspiring Sober Vegan
Met through a friend (her best guy friend’s college roommate) the day before she had to fly out to her dad’s memorial, a doctor, into meditation, remembered him “being cuter” when they went on a first date, felt “the spark”, had “omg this is awesome sex”, Ali described this relationship as a “slow burn” and “the most attracted she ever been to a partner” even thought she didn’t think he was that cute in the beginning, dated 2-3 months before he tried to ghost Ali but they talked and broke up, four months later they start casually dating/FWB because he’s moving but this turns into a ‘middle distance relationship’ and he moves to Philly, had a lot of communication issues but didn't have a lot of fights, wants to live in Ohio and give a % of his income to charity, Ali was close to saying ‘I love you’ but didn’t, he uninvited her to meet his extended family and they got in a fight, broke up with her a couple weeks before their 6 month anniversary at the park while on a picnic and told her that she’s still his favorite person, Ali used to think he was “the one that got away” and would frequently have dreams about him. From what Ali knows, he's sober but not vegan
The Scientist
2017 or 2018ish, from San Diego, went on one date, Ali ended up ghosting him due to the decline in her dad’s health, saw him on Hinge while she was in San Diego for 3 months in 2020, texted him and apologized for ghosting him, ended up going on 2-3 more dates, took a selfie in front of his house and sent it to him but acted like she didn’t know that was his house and made a TikTok about it, things ended up not working but she doesn’t make it clear on who ended it. She can now see she shouldn’t have been going on dates during this time when her dad was sick.
Good on Paper Divorced Dude
Met a couple of years ago (she told this story on TikTok in 2020) on Bumble
The Groomsman
Met at her friend Ashley’s wedding in Chicago Oct 2019, had a “two night stand” with him, texted/talked/FT’d for 3-4 months, divorced, never dated seriously/FWB, saw each other a couple time when he came to NYC, Ali stopped talking with him due to FMH and her trying to find a serious relationship, he starts dating someone, follows FMH on insta, slid into her DM in 2022 and then sent her soup while she was sick, turns out he’s single again, 2 months later Ali is heading to Chicago and texts him “Hello! Reminder that my arrival to your neck of the woods is imminent” and turns out he is now seeing someone and Ali doesn’t see him while in Chicago (at least she doesn’t mention it)
Unnicknamed person
He was her plus one at her best friend from college’s NYE wedding 2019/2020, met and hung out with Ali’s mom, posted photos of them together on her personal Insta story, “fully dating but weren’t official hehe” doesn’t have a nickname/never gave him a nickname? This could be The Latvian/the person she texted her friend in DC about saying “I think I’m on a date with my husband”

Starts FMH on January 2020 on Instagram/TikTok

The Traveler
He was browsing Bumble while Ali was in the bathroom during their first date, he was banned from Bumble and was using his grandma phone number. Ali turned down a second date
The Duke
Early FMH, went for long periods of time in between texts, 7-8 Zoom dates while Ali was in San Diego and he was in NY, Ali said you could see three of his ex’s on his instagram page (without scrolling), they finally went on one date and it was “meh” but they did kiss on their date
The Oyster
Matched on Bumble (he had one photo and no bio) two weeks before Valentines Day, Gemini, a lawyer, part of the 13 First Dates in 30 Days series (he was #13), dated Feb 2020-Aug 2020, love bomber, felt “the spark” and became official after 3 dates, best first date ever??? at the time, said “I love you” to Ali after two weeks, “For most of my relationship with The Oyster, he didn’t live in the city he had moved to Connecticut without telling me”, would fight all the time, opposite political views, Ali felt like a “fucking summer camp director” because she planned all their dates and he would get upset if Ali didn't have a plan, sought out a therapist (Megan) because of her relationship struggles because of him, went to Mass/church, he wanted a traditional marriage/life/wife/kids (at one point had Ali thinking she wanted that), didn’t want to live in NYC, didn’t support BLM, Cindy hated him
The Pilot
Went on 3 dates, texted a lot, didn’t hear back from him in four days and when she said she was looking to date someone who showed more consistency, he replied saying he met someone the day after their last date who seems to have more free time than Ali and he wants to pursue that but would like to be friends, Ali said on TikTok that this other women “bent her schedule to his schedule” and she was unwilling to do that. Mostly talked about him on TikTok
The Analyst
Matched on Bumble two years ago and went on one date, re matched in 2021 and he stood Ali up, she send him a text “getting stood up” script and he never replied. Only mentioned him on TikTok (?)

Ali and Roark start FMH: The Podcast February 2021

The Boomerang
First date on the pod? I couldn't find anything else about him
The Scuba Diver
The Music Man
One date, “he didn’t do anything wrong, he’s just not for me”, amped up small talk, complimented Ali a lot which made her feel awkward cause she wasn’t feeling it, he texted her and asked for a second date and Ali sent the no ghosting script
The Bet
Uses the phrase “ok bet”, 28 years old shoe designer, only went on one dinner date to a spot he picked, turns out its cash only and he didn’t bring cash, was not into him , not looking for the same thing
The Dinosaur
Nickname was previously The Hawaiian, first date at Dinosaur BBQ, stood in a parking spot to save for Ali, he asked for a kiss after their date and Ali declined saying maybe next time
The Rose
He sent her a rose on hinge, first date was an hour long walk in the park while drinking beer
The Comic
Matched on Hinge, older than Ali (Ali’s friends express how happy they were to hear that), had brunch on their first date (was the first part of a double header but the second guy canceled), listed as “moderate” politically on Hinge, good and easy convo, went back and forth twice over text and then never heard back from him, “technically not ghosting...”
The Camper
Met in the wild at a volleyball tournament in July, lives in Chicago, 27 years old, hung out the whole time, over heard Ali asking someone to get her a make out partner, gave Ali his number, drunkly ask him for a FT date in the future and he didn’t reply, Ali texts him again about a volleyball thing and he replied back with not a lot of enthusiasm, Ali is going to Chicago in Sept for a volleyball tournament and she’s already planning on playing 4-on-4 with her best friend vs. his roommate and maybe The Camper, he texts her saying he has to work on the date of the tournament and won’t be able to do the 4-on-4 game, “I feel like I got broken up with someone I never want to date in the first place”

Ali’s Matchmaker contract starts in August 2021 - 6 matches

The Schmoozer
Went on a dinner date, was chatting up the waitress in a kind of creepy way, was bragging about a lot of things and it turned Ali off and Ali texted him her no ghosting script
The Accountant
1st matchmaker match, 31 years old, lives in BK, his dad has also passed away, easy to talk to, on the third date she wasn’t sure if she saw a future with him and in her gut doesn’t feel like this would be a slow burn, Ali breaks things off with him, months (?) later he sent Ali a 5 min long voice memo and they said they were both down to see each other as friends. He later on dated and ghosted Erica
The Aussie
Matched on Hinge, in politics, from Australia but lived all over the place, asked Ali what she’s looking for on the first date and he said he’s “casually looking for something serious”, Ali accidentally walks up to a different person on their second date, Ali texts him saying she would love to see him before he leaves on a trip and she wasn’t happy that it took him till the next day to reply and he can’t see her before he leaves
The Goalie
Was supposed to be Ali’s 2nd match, he’s a paying client, Ali didn’t hear back from him for a while when she told him where she lived, he wrote to the matchmaker saying that she lived too far away even though it states where she lives in her matchmaker profile
The Journalist
2nd matchmaker match, ended things because she was dating/pursuing things with The Discoball and paused her matchmakers matches

The Threepeat
Matched multiple times on dating apps but this recent time with Hinge, Amazon seller, first date was a pizza lunch date (with bubbles aka champagne) and he gave her a single yellow carnation, talked a lot about her “side hustles” aka her food blog, coaching, FMH and the pod (Ali didn’t mentioned the name on FMH), had an awkward half kiss during the date and then gave her a peck when they said goodbye, he had no night stands by his bed?, spent the night but told public pod they had a movie night, different kissing styles, 6 dates, broke things off with Ali two days before her first date with The Rower WHILE Ali was on a Halloween girls trip
The Rower
Dated from Halloween 2021 till early Feb 2022, Pisces who is 6 days older than Ali, has an ex-fiancé (they dated for 8 years, engaged for two of them, she broke off the engagement with him 1.5 years ago once he started dating Ali), has a shared dog with this ex, slept together around Xmas on the fourth date and Ali got a UTI, first time having “omg this is awesome sex” since ASV, first person Ali slept next to wearing an eye mask "that's a big step for me", had him watch 90 Day Fiancé, on New Years Day told her that he sees “long term relationship potential” with her but doesn’t want to be exclusive after 5 dates, “we didn’t talk all week”, he said he wasn’t as ready as he though to date someone seriously and “I don’t know why I don’t want to be in a relationship with you” they broke up over the phone, Ali said he’s a good human and wants to date someone like him, 3.5 weeks later Ali drunk texted him at 3:00 am saying “its really hard not to talk to you” which Ali said was a lie, he replied back (few days? A week later?) while Ali was on another date and it made her cry a bit, she replied back saying “the door is closed but not locked” in regards if he wants to get back together. “Fin… for now”

2022

The Discoball
Matched on Hinge but didn’t go on a first date for two week, Gemini, used to be a singer in a band, moved from DC to NYC, went on 7 dates in 2022, had a dog w/ ex and ex got full custody once he moved, met one of his friends on the second date, slept with him on the second date “morning and night”, he tried to find the podcast without knowing the name, podcasted from his house in DC, he would send Ali photos of them together “all the time”, gave a virtual presentation from his hotel room, did Molly together in DC, had him watch 90 Day Fiancé, moved to BK (didn’t see each other for 2 months pre-move), had a sex-less sleepover (a milestone for Ali), he showed up for her on her dad’s death date (something that a person she’s dating has never done), used to listen to the pod but stopped before they stopped seeing each other, ghosted her after they had a talk about moving things forward to exclusive and Ali texted him something along the lines of “your silence is the answer” when she didn’t hear back from him for a week and he ghosted her. Ali said he sucks in #77 AUA
Lisbon
The Brit
M&M
The Come Back Kid
They went on 2-3 dates in Nov 2018 and reconnected in May 2022, "felt immediately comfortable", sat next to a very drunk lady on their second 1st date and was supportive but "didn't step on Ali's toes" when the drunk lady said something offensive to Ali, couldn’t remember if they slept together or not, knows about FMH, ghosted Ali
The Trainer
The Cold Brew
The Nomad
3rd matchmaker match, reminded Ali of The Oyster, wanted kids and didn’t want to live in NYC forever, Ali was upset at first because her matchmaker was supposed to screen for that but the matchmaker DID check and it wasn’t mentioned when she was screening The Nomad, no second date because those are dealbreakers to him
The Catcher
Matched on Bumble, “good not great” after their first date, ~April 2022, talked about sports a lot on their first date
The Gentleman
4th matchmaker match, knew about Ali’s FMH socials before their date, Ali didn’t like his texting style, awkward intro on their first date “like hugging a 2 x 4”, he runs a dating event company and actually email Ali to be a guest on the pod when FMH first started, awkward goodbye, didn’t discuss the actual first date on the main pod because she doesn’t want to give him a reason to reach out again
The Tennis Pro
Ali had a good time on their date, “He is an adult, he’s mature” BUT “I don’t think he was into it”
The Padre
Matched on Bumble, 3 dates, from San Diego, “energy mismatch”, doesn’t want to know or listen to FMH, no psychical connection/kiss, only a kiss on the cheek on their last date, “I haven’t spoken to him since Friday night [a week]”, she didn’t want to do what The Threepeat did to her (break up while on vacation/traveling), she said it might be a MOO

Roark leaves and Erica joins the pod Oct 31st 2022

Captain Kirk
5th matchmaker match, found him on Bumble before their in-person date, ghosted Ali AND the matchmaker???
6th matchmaker match
Last match and Ali states she will not talk about this date or anything about it
JFK Kirk?
Matched on Bumble, didn’t realize he’s located in SD, exchanged personal instagram info, not sure where things went or how things ended

Kirk #1
Met in the wild, make out a lot the night they met, “stealing kisses throughout the night”, exchanged numbers, planned a date (no specifics, just the day) but when Ali texted him day of he asked to reschedule (no specifics again), he replied back that he’s picking up a rental car, told him she’s looking for someone to respect her time and he never replied back

2023

The Falcon
First date of 2023, matched on The League, first nickname was “League Kirk”, hard to talk to, felt like Ali was always reaching for the next topic, likes to travel, “there wasn’t a vibe”, MOO
The Roommate
Used to be her friend’s roommate and have met before (Ali doesn’t remember but it was the day after that exclusive convo with The Rower), “totally cute”, reunited at their mutual friend’s engagement party January 2023, made out at the bar, comes back to her place and sleeps over (no sex), Ali questions why her friends never set them up and its because he was taking a break from dating, first date they made out a lot at the bar (again), “I really felt like we were already a couple”, “It didn’t feel like a first date”, mentions her FMH content has popped up on his FYP, tried texting him after their date and he wasn’t giving effort, she’s glad she didn’t sleep with him because “one night stands aren’t my thing”, MOO
The Belgian
Matched on Bumble, accidentally had their first date during a trivia night at a bar, easy to talk to
The Viking
Ali forgot they had a first date on the day of said date
Tinder Man
Matched on Tinder (duh) on Valentine’s Day, first Tinder date in three years, good convo on first date but got a pushy vibe from him at the second bar they went to, put his hand up her sweater and was kissing her in the bar, made Ali uncomfortable and she told him that after her asked her on a second date
The Historian
Matched on Bumble, good conversation on the first date with a wide range of topics like “urban planning and its impact on feminism”, he’s in grad school
The Georgian
Matched on Hinge, he asked if she was free on Friday and she said yes but didn’t hear back from him in two days and in that time she made plans for Friday, rescheduled for a Saturday afternoon date at a dive bar, ate on her way to her date “it would be next level rude to eat on the subway”, good first date, talked about places he wants to take her to
The Publicist
Matched on Tinder, lives in BK, Jewish, one year younger then Ali, good first date, invited him to the Chaotic Singles Party that night, came over to Ali's apartment (which Ali said was messy) before and he made her favorite cocktail for her, a couple of listeners met him at the CSP, goofy and silly convo mixed with deep and serious convos, second date was at the Brooklyn Botanical Gardens and a tasting menu dinner, he made a Resy reservation and Ali got an email saying she was added to it ”fuck receiving gifts, THAT’S my love language”, he's into words like Ali, he sneezed and Ali said "God bless you" but then corrected herself and said "gesundheit" and he leaned over and kissed her and said he loves that she cares about her words, he met her friends on the third date ”It felt so easy. It felt so comfortable”, her friends took “sneaky” picture and videos of them together which Ali said she loves a sneaky pic, took all their date recap videos on his phone, cooked Ali steak on their fourth date, "it's very comfortable", had him watch 90 Day Fiancé, Ali met two of his friends and some of his teammates he plays a rec sport with, had sex the day they took a trip outside of the city, Erica met him before their trip to Greece and I said “he’s dorky in a good way”, WhatsApp video chatted while in Greece and told her “see you in two days!” at the end of their call, said she felt less anxious about him compared to other relationships while on vacation, sent him a birthday present while she was in Greece, felt an energy shift coming back from vacation and didn’t hear back from him 3 days after she came home, Ali requested a call to talk about this distances she was feeling, ”I did the 12 date rule and it didn’t work!”, she said the distance help her see that they’re not compatible, went on a total of 9 dates. Ali talks about the “break up” on episode 123
Mr. Chaotic
Matched on Tinder but he saw Ali at the Chaotic Singles Party and Cassidy the host is there mutual friend, went to a brewery and played games on their first date (Ali said this was her favorite first dates in episode 147 where they recapped 2023), works in entertainment industry, very high energy, knows about FMH and he said she's entertaining to watch, splits his time between NYC and some unknown city, texted while she was in Greece, ”The man gives good texts”
Random Matchmaker Match
Withdrew his match to Ali because he found her FMH socials. Talked about on #71 AUA
Gone with the Wind
Matchmaker match, said some gross things about women in volleyball outfits on their first date, Ali told her matchmaker about this, ”I would describe him as misogynistic overall”, Ali was glad he did say those weird things so early on so she didn’t waste her time, the matchmaker flagged his account. This was around June 2023
The Rock
Ali knows him from an activity that they used to be involved with in the city (she's very vague about what this is) from 8 years ago, he had a very serious/long term GF when they met, follows her personal Insta, has never talked about him because he’s never been a “prospect”, summer 2023 they met up to catch up and found out that he’s now recently single but he’s moving out of NYC for work, Ali texts Cindy saying she thinks this is a date, Cindy said to tell him that you really want to kiss him, he ends up telling Ali “I really want to kiss you”, made out at the bar, Ali invited him back to her apartment and they had sex the night before Ali ended things with The Publicist, “one night stand vibes” but she said she was down to do it again, Patreon only and talked about on #75 AUA
The Tourist
Matched on Hinge, just moved to Brooklynn, went to a brewery in BK for their first date, Ali showed up to the date dripping in sweat, allergic to cats, he sent Ali a ‘no ghosting’ text the next morning
The Stout
Matched on Bumble, ”we had really great banter right away”, laughed the whole time on their first date, talked about going on a second date during their first date
Speed Racer
Matched on Bumble, drinks first date, axe throwing second date, made out after their second date, MOO, randomly texted Ali ~6 months later because he said one of Ali’s date recap videos about him popped up on his FYP (Ali and Erica think this is a lie), he thought Ali wasn’t into him, he claims he was doing all the work with texting even though there was only a few messages since they exchanged numbers after their second date
Billy Joel
Recently sober, Ali said she felt like they had several inside jokes before they met in person, ate pizza on her way to their first date, second date was getting coffee and going to the museum, they cooked dinner together for their third date at Ali’s apartment and they watched 90 Day Fiancé (he didn’t like it), he Googled how to clean a red wine stain when it spilled on her countertop, he asked if she wanted to have sex and she turned it down, the next day/the day before a 7am flight Ali booty called him and they had sex, she was drunk and said the sex wasn’t good/they stopped mid way, helped Ali pack for her flight, Ali said he’s at a crossroad and he doesn’t seem like a long term fit, Erica found a condom on the ground while cat sitting, Ali said she didn’t regret hooking up with him but wishes she hadn’t done it, MOO
Sales Cycle
30 seconds in and Ali said he was very boring, only really talked about his job, stared at Ali’s boobs, “might be a MOO”, texted her ‘merry christmas’

2024

Pie Guy/Dr. Laundry
Matched on The League, 34 years old, requested a nickname change from Pie Guy to Dr. Laundry, he had to cancel their second date because he got hit by a car, went on two dates, Ali sent him a pic of his subway stop saying something along the lines of “the stop isn’t looking as cute today” and turns out someone he dated with in that photo, were supposed to go on a third date the night she got back from a bachelorette party but he didn't answer her text when she said she landed, the next day he asked her how her trip was not acknowledging her previous text at all, Ali expressed her disappointment and he replied that he was tired last night, she said she would've been understanding if he said something then ghosted her
Andddd I stopped listening to the podcast around the Dr. Pie Laundry Guy but have stayed up to date with everything via this sub.
I have a huge interest in dating culture, human behavior and data similar to Ali and this little project of mine was really interesting once I got the framework of this list. I started this list once I found this sub in December 2023 and started re listening to the Patreon while working out (and lost 10 lbs ayeee) and writing down information in my notes app. I did my best to keep this list unbiased and just give facts and information that was said.
My own thoughts after making this list is that I'm very sad for Ali. I didn't realize the extent of her dating history. I think about my own dating history or even my friends who are in their 30's and dating and Ali's dating lore runs so deep. Is Ali unlucky with love? Did she pass on someone that could have been great for her? How has she had so many dates with little success in a long term partner or even going beyond 6-8 dates? Or is Skyline the person she has been waiting for? What's the pattern with all this dates/men? So many questions.
I truly do hope Ali finds her guy because I believe theres someone for everyone. Until then, I'll be hopping into this sub (cause y'all are too funny and give the best advice) and waiting for Ali to find Mr. Height.
Enjoy and I look forward to everyone thoughts! I'll keep my eye out for any edits that need to be made.
Bonus quotes:
“Longest relationship was a little under a year and a half. Haven’t made it past 6 months with anyone else” - AUA #7 11/27/21
“I spent the first 10+ years of my dating life being sort of perennially single” -1. The Actual First One episode 2/21/21
"I think my parent's story is the reason why I think that I can romantically get back together with an ex and it'll work out" -The Dave Glaser Podcast 4/5/21
“Almost every relationship I’ve ever been in, with a couple of exceptions, started as a situationship.” -21. The Undefined One 7/11/21
“All of my boyfriends have been white” -Ali’s BFF Special on Patreon 4/23/22
“You definitely need an older guy” -Cindy on Ali’s BFF Special on Patreon 4/23/22
“I’ve been on the dating apps since high school. Dating websites at the time” -Ali’s BFF Special on Patreon 4/23/22
“Who would be the perfect man for Ali?”
“Clearly a combination of the The Dentist and [the early stages of] The Buffalo” -Cindy on Ali’s BFF Special on Patreon 4/23/22
“Do you consider The Rower or Disco ball to have been situationships?”
“No, I don't consider either The Rower or The Disco Ball to be situationships” -question asked on TikTok 11/9/22

Alright, my fellow content crusaders, let's veer off the beaten path of the tired old "create great content and THEY will come!" mantra, because let's face it - the internet is a wild, untamed beast! It's a virtual jungle out there, and you need more than just a pretty piece of content to survive in the digital wilderness.
Have you noticed how digital marketing, especially the often overlooked gem that is content marketing, doesn't get the respect it deserves? It's like the quirky cousin at the family reunion - everyone knows they are cool, but they don't always get a seat at the grown-up table. While other industries have textbooks thicker than a an old-school phonebook, digital marketing seems to get shoved aside like last year's iPhone model. But this might change, for I am on a noble quest to change that narrative.
My new book, Clickonomics, is here to hopefully shake up the status quo with fresh ideas, innovative frameworks, and tools that will not only revolutionize how we approach internet marketing but will also make the skeptics sit up and take notice. I will take some extracts from the book and post them here.
First new idea: Simba's Five Forces
Picture yourself as Simba the Lion King on the digital savannah. The sun beats down on the pixelated landscape, and beneath the buzzing of social media notifications, you hear it: the distant roar of competition. Other businesses, content creators, and aspiring influencers are circling like hungry hyenas, all vying for attention within the vast expanse of the World Wide Web. This, my friend, is the thrilling, chaotic, and sometimes cutthroat realm of marketing on the internet or as we clickonomists say, competing for attention.
But fear not! For you are no helpless little cub, destined to be left behind by the relentless stampede of online trends. You, the savvy content marketer, have stumbled upon a powerful tool – your survival guide to navigating the online jungle.
Ladies and Gentlemen I present to you Simba's Five Forces.
Now, before you start groaning and rolling your eyes at the mention of another marketing framework, let me assure you - this isn't just some dusty theory cooked up by academics who still think Myspace is the latest social media craze. No, no, my friend, Simba's Five Forces are inspired by something far more exciting than your average business school jargon. We are talking about the OG of business strategic thinking here - the one and only Porter's Five Forces. Simba's Five Forces (SFF for short) is not just standing on the shoulders of giants, it's practically riding on their backs like a boss! I mean, Porter's Five Forces has been the backbone of business strategy since Michael Porter decided to grace us mortals with his wisdom back in 1979 in that Harvard Business Review article “The Five Competitive Forces that Shape Strategy?” Pure gold!
This isn't your run-of-the-mill marketing fluff; this is the real deal. We are talking about competitive forces that can make or break a business, shaping strategies and defining success on the internet. And hey, if it's good enough for Michael Porter and legions of fortune 500 businesses, it's definitely worth a second look.
Think of it this way: the internet is its own kind of ecosystem. It has its predators (established brands with massive followings), its scavengers (those who recycle trendy content), and its adaptable survivors (the ones who roll with the punches and evolve with the ever-changing digital landscape). To thrive in this environment, you need a strategy that taps into both the primal instincts of a lion and the clever resourcefulness of a meerkat.
So, what exactly are these mystical forces?

Force #1: The Threat of New Content – Outsmarting the Deluge on the Internet Jungle
In the kingdom of Clickonomics, the battle for attention is as fierce as lions vying for a prime cut of an antelope. You might think you have crafted a masterpiece of content – a perfectly polished blog post, a hilarious meme, or a viral-worthy video. But wait! Before you unleash your creation into the wild, remember this: the digital savannah is teeming with hungry competitors, constantly churning out fresh content designed to steal your precious audience.
We live in the age of the content deluge. It's estimated that over 2.5 quintillion bytes of data are created every day, much of that in the form of online content. That's the digital equivalent of a hippo stampede, with each new post, video, or tweet threatening to trample your own carefully crafted work into obscurity.
Think of it like this: you are a skilled hunter on the savannah – you have honed your skills, stalked your prey (aka your ideal audience), and prepared the perfect snare. But just as you are about to make your move, an entire pack of newcomers bursts onto the scene, their noisy and haphazard methods scaring away your potential catch. Frustrating, isn't it?
This relentless flood of new content is both the greatest challenge and the greatest opportunity on the internet.
The first rule of surviving the content deluge? Never, ever be a mere copycat. In the oversaturated digital jungle, mimicking what everyone else is doing is a surefire way to be ignored. Remember, back in the glory days of the early internet, a simple text-based web page might have cut it. These days, that's the digital equivalent of showing up to a cocktail party in sweatpants – technically, you are dressed, but you are definitely not making an impression.
​
Instead, your mission is to offer something unique, a piece of content that stands tall like a majestic giraffe against the backdrop of the digital plains. Embrace the power of niche – focus on becoming an expert in a specific area, providing the kind of in-depth knowledge your audience craves. Carve out your specialized watering hole, and soon, your thirsty audience will flock to you.
It might be tempting to panic and think, "I need to churn out content faster!" But resist the urge to sacrifice quality for speed. Think of the infamous tortoise and the hare fable. Slow, steady, and strategic wins the race in the online world too. One thoughtfully written insightful article can leave a longer-lasting impact than ten hastily thrown-together social media posts.
Instead of aiming to be everywhere at once, select a few key content platforms at first, and focus on creating content that truly shines there. Remember, your audience would rather see one truly remarkable piece of content per week than mediocre filler content on a daily basis.
Understanding the rhythm of your audience is vital to content mastery. Imagine yourself as a zebra at a watering hole. Visit at the wrong time, and you might find it dried up, or worse, swarming with lurking crocodiles. Similarly, posting the most amazing article at 3 AM when your audience is fast asleep is a recipe for digital crickets.
Analyse when your target audience is most active online. Tools for social media analytics are your best friend here. Publish strategically, so your content has a fighting chance against the deluge, instead of getting swept away unnoticed.
The best news? Not all content is destined to be swept away by the tides of the internet. Invest in creating 'evergreen' content – content that remains valuable long past their publish date. Think in-depth guides packed with practical tips, curated resource lists, or thought leadership pieces that tackle timeless problems in your industry. These are your content workhorses, attracting new audience members long after they are first created.
Of course, even evergreens need some maintenance. Periodically revisit your best-performing older content. Update any statistics, add fresh examples, or improve the formatting. This demonstrates that you are invested in providing the most up-to-date value, earning you serious trust with your audience.
Let's address the big elephant in the digital room: AI content generation tools like OpenAI’s ChatGPT, Microsoft’s Co-Pilot and Google’s Gemini. These have the potential to revolutionize the content creation game, giving smaller businesses and solo content creators a fighting chance against big business. AI can help you generate ideas, whip up attention-grabbing headlines, create image variations, and even draft scripts for videos – it can do so much more!
However, as with any powerful tool, AI in the wrong hands can be dangerous. It's tempting to fall into the trap of churning out generic, AI-written content en-masse. But here is a word of caution: the inhabitants of the digital savannah are getting smarter. Audiences can sniff out soulless, AI-generated content a mile away. And worse, search engines like Google are cracking down on sites that overuse these tactics.
The key to harnessing AI lies in using it as your intelligent assistant, not your creative replacement. Let AI handle some of the grunt work, giving you the building blocks that you then enhance with your unique insights, expertise, and brand voice.
Standing out and creating timeless content is essential, but so is the ability to stay nimble in the fast-paced digital world. Trends emerge and disappear faster than a chameleon changing colours. Ignore them at your peril, but don't become a slave to them either.
Think strategically. Can you leverage a trending topic in a way that aligns with your brand and niche? Is there a way to put your unique spin on a viral challenge in a way that feels authentic? Don't be afraid to experiment, just make sure there is always a method behind your choices (or madness!).
Let's step back for a moment and ponder this: we are living in an age where everyone's vying to create and share the latest and greatest thing, yet our attention spans are notoriously short and getting shorter. It's a paradox: we crave constant novelty, yet, at the same time, we are overwhelmed by the sheer volume of it all.
Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to navigate this contradiction. Become a digital curator – the one who sorts through the chaos, providing a carefully selected set of high-quality content that truly resonates with your audience. By offering value instead of simply adding to the noise, you become an oasis in the vast desert of information overload.
The threat of new content is a constant force in the realm of Clickonomics, but it's one you can learn to wield to your advantage. Remember: there is always space for content that offers genuine value, that cuts through the clutter, and provides your audience with experiences they wouldn't find anywhere else on the internet.
So, channel your inner Simba. Understand the landscape of this digital savannah, be both fierce and strategic in your content creation, and never underestimate the power of high-quality contributions that stand the test of time. Do this, and you won't just survive the content deluge, you will reign supreme as a king or queen of your digital domain.

Force #2: Threat of Different Type of Content – The Content Chameleon, Adapting to the Buffet of Consumer Preferences.
In George Orwell's thought-provoking masterpiece, Animal Farm, the animals were all gung-ho about the whole 'equality for all' gig. They even had a snazzy placard with the catchy slogan "All Animals Are Equal." But lo and behold, as soon as the pigs got a taste of power (and probably some delicious apples), that placard magically transformed into a new and improved version: "All animals are equal BUT some animals are more equal than others." Talk about a classic case of equality taking a nosedive straight into the realm of irony!
Yes, yes, we all know that "content is king." But let's not forget that in the vast kingdom of the internet, some types of content are like the royals of the British royal family. With over a hundred different flavors of content to choose from – blog posts, videos of all shapes and sizes, podcasts, infographics, memes, quizzes, you name it – it is no wonder we are all swimming in a sea of choices. Sure, all content should be engaging and attention-grabbing, but let's face it, some types of content are just born to rule the internet like the content monarchs they are. So, whether you are into dissecting the stats of Cristiano Ronaldo vs. Lionel Messi in a 10,000-word essay or prefer a 15-minute video reel of Cristiano and Messi dancing their way to greatness on the football pitch, remember, not all content is created equal – some are just destined for internet stardom!
Imagine yourself at a digital buffet, tables overflowing with every conceivable type of content: long-form blog posts that go deep into complex topics, bite-sized infographics perfect for a quick information fix, hilarious memes that make you snort-laugh in public (not ideal, but hey, we have all been there). This is what its like on the modern internet – a land of abundance and overwhelming choice for your target audience.
Here is the challenge: in this content smorgasbord, simply creating good content isn't enough. You need to become a master content chameleon, adapting your approach to suit the ever-evolving preferences of your audience. Remember the mantra of Simba's First Force: Content is King. But here is the twist: in the realm of Clickonomics, all content is indeed royalty, but some content types reign more supreme than others.
Let's face it, the internet has spoiled us rotten. We crave constant stimulation, flitting from one engaging type of content to another like a hummingbird between flowers. Statistics don't lie: studies show that our attention spans have shrunk to the size of a goldfish (cue Dory's voice: "Just keep swimming, just keep swimming!"). This means that long-form content, once the undisputed king of the internet, now faces stiff competition from its more concise cousins: listicles, infographics, and – the undisputed champion of the short attention span – the mighty short-form video.
Think about it this way: would you rather spend an hour poring over a dense blog post analysing the philosophy of The Lion King, or watch a 5-minute video filled with hilarious clips and insightful commentary on the same topic? For most internet users, the answer is clear – short, engaging video wins every time (unless you are a die-hard text fiend, in which case, kudos to your dedication!).
But hold on a second, Simba! We wouldn't want to paint the internet with one broad brush. Not everyone craves the same content format. Understanding your target audience goes beyond demographics like age and location. Delving deeper, you need to understand their content consumption habits. Are they avid podcast listeners who crave in-depth conversations? Or perhaps they are visual learners who get lost in the world of infographics?
Here is where the Customer Ikigai and web analytics become your secret weapons. These tools tell you a fascinating story about how your audience interacts with your content. Did your latest blog post get crickets? Analyse which format performed best with past audiences and consider repurposing the content into another content format. Perhaps a captivating video summary could breathe new life into the topic.
Repurposing your content isn't about laziness; it's about strategic efficiency. Imagine crafting a captivating blog post – it took time, research, and a hefty dose of creative energy. Now, picture the untapped potential this content holds beyond the written word.
Embrace the content chameleon spirit! Here is where Simba's Content Matrix comes into play (you will learn more about this ingenious tool later, stay tuned!). This matrix helps you map your existing content across different formats, transforming your blog post into a captivating infographic, a bite-sized social media post, or even the script for a short, engaging video.
By repurposing your content, you cater to the diverse preferences of your audience, ensuring your message reaches the right people in the format they crave. It's like serving the same delicious meal on different plates – some might prefer a fancy five-course experience, while others just want a quick and satisfying snack.
This abundance of content formats presents both a challenge and an opportunity. It forces you to be more strategic, to understand your audience on a deeper level, and to constantly adapt your approach. However, it also empowers you to reach a wider audience than ever before.
Think of it this way: in the pre-internet era, a marketer's message was limited by traditional media formats. They had to choose between print ads, radio commercials, or expensive television slots. Now, the internet offers a buffet of possibilities, allowing you to tailor your message to resonate with specific audience segments.
But here is another secret sauce that binds all these formats together: the power of storytelling. Regardless of whether you are crafting a lengthy blog post or a short video, weaving a narrative into your content is the most potent way to capture and hold your audience's attention. After all, humans are wired for stories. They transport us, educate us, and evoke emotions in a way that dry facts and figures simply can't.
In the grand scheme of storytelling, a history textbook might as well be the plain oatmeal of narratives - bland, forgettable, and lacking that certain spice that makes you want to come back for more. It's like trying to sip on a lukewarm cup of tea when you could be sipping on a tropical cocktail with a little umbrella in it. And when it comes to the epic showdown between Simba and Scar, well, let's just say a bullet-point recounting is like ordering a cheeseburger with no cheese, no burger, and just a random slice of lettuce on a plate.
But, oh, watching that battle unfold on the screen? It's like biting into a juicy, perfectly cooked steak - it's savory, it's satisfying, and it leaves you wanting more. The drama, the suspense, the heart-pounding music swelling in the background - that's the stuff that makes your hair stand on end and your heart race with excitement. So, if you had to choose between reading about Simba's triumph in a textbook or watching it all play out in vivid animation, well, let's just say Hakuna Matata wouldn't be in your vocabulary if you missed out on that cinematic experience.
The ever-changing landscape of the internet demands a relentless spirit of experimentation. Don't be afraid to try new content formats, analyse how your audience responds, and pivot your strategy accordingly. Remember those meerkats from the Pride Lands? They are always vigilant, testing out new routes and keeping an eye out for both predators and tasty snacks. That same sense of adventurous curiosity should guide your content strategy.

Force 3: Threat of Competition – The Roaring Crowd, standing out in the Internet’s Coliseum
Welcome back to the Clickonomics arena, where the battle for attention plays out with the ferocity of a gladiator duel in the Colosseum. Here, the roar of the crowd isn't measured in decibels, but in clicks, shares, and that coveted social currency – engagement. And guess who you are competing against? Not just your direct competitors, but a cacophony of voices vying for the same precious commodity: attention.
In the brick-and-mortar business world, competition often follows a clear line: you versus the company across the street offering similar products. But the internet mercilessly shatters these boundaries. Here, the playing field is vast and the competition is fierce, often coming from unexpected corners of the internet.
Remember the wise words of Gary Vaynerchuk, the social media guru himself: "And I’m terribly sorry for the biggest advertisers in the world wasting all their money because they are taking the consumer’s attention for granted.” This statement rings especially true online. Take HSBC, one of the biggest banks founded by a thrifty Scot, for example. They might think their biggest competition is another bank like JP Morgan or Citigroup. But on the internet, a single personal finance blogger churning out content about financial freedom could pose a far greater threat. Why? Because that blogger is capturing the very thing HSBC desperately craves – the attention of potential customers.
This abundance of options online presents a fascinating paradox. What entrepreneurs and businesses traditionally perceive as "competition," internet users simply see as "choice." They have the luxury of filtering through a vast sea of voices, choosing the ones that resonate with them most.
Here is a counterintuitive truth: competition online isn't about eliminating your rivals; it's about carving out a distinct space within this crowded marketplace. It's about understanding what makes your brand unique, what value proposition you offer, and how to communicate that message in a way that cuts through the digital noise.
Think of a lion stalking its prey on the savannah. It blends into its surroundings, using its natural camouflage to remain undetected. But then, it pounces – a burst of power and agility that sets it apart from the rest of the herd. That's the essence of differentiation in the digital world.
Now, here is a surprising twist: those seemingly fierce internet competitors can actually be a valuable source of knowledge. Analyse their digital marketing strategies, see what content resonates with their audience, and identify any gaps you can exploit. Remember, the internet isn't a zero-sum game. Learning from your competitors, and constantly iterating on your own approach, is what leads to long-term success.
Let's not forget the power of disruption. The internet thrives on innovation. Think of companies like Airbnb and Uber – they challenged established industries by offering fresh perspectives and disrupting the status quo. Could your brand take a similar approach? Is there a way to shake things up in your niche and capture the attention of a weary audience tired of the same old strategies?
In the digital coliseum, the roar of the crowd isn't a threat, but an opportunity. It's the sound of potential customers, waiting to be captivated by a brand that stands out from the rest. Embrace the challenge of competition, leverage the insights it offers, and most importantly, never stop refining your roar. That is how you transform competition into a catalyst for growth, attracting your ideal audience and establishing your dominance in your digital corner of the internet.
Remember, Simba didn't win the battle for Pride Rock by simply copying his father. He learned from Mufasa's wisdom, embraced his own strengths, and ultimately, found his own roar.
And most importantly, remember that the battle for clicks isn't about crushing your competitors; it's about connecting with your audience in a meaningful and authentic way. Carve out your unique niche, understand your audience's roar, and make sure your message resonates across the digital savannah.
The internet, with its boundless opportunities and fierce competition, offers an exhilarating and ever-evolving marketing landscape. While the battle might feel overwhelming at times, equipped with Simba's Five Forces, you have a powerful arsenal of strategies and insights to navigate this vibrant yet often chaotic ecosystem.
So, channel your inner lion, stand tall among the digital crowd, and let your brand's unique roar resonate through the internet, attracting the right audience and securing your rightful place in the Clickonomics kingdom!

Force #4: Bargaining Power of Content Platforms and Content Creators.
Ah, the shimmering oasis of the internet – a place teeming with content creators, each vying for a coveted sip from the well of audience attention. But hold on a second, Simba! This digital watering hole isn't quite as democratic as it seems. In the realm of Clickonomics, a complex dance unfolds between content platforms and creators – a delicate tango where power dynamics shift like desert sands.
Cast your eyes upon the digital horizon. You see them, don't you? The towering figures – Google, YouTube, Facebook – the content platforms that dominate the internet landscape. These digital behemoths hold immense power, controlling the algorithms that determine who gets seen, who gets heard, and who fades into the background noise.
Imagine a bustling marketplace where shopkeepers (the content creators) vie for customers' attention. But here is the twist: the market square is owned by a single, all-powerful landlord (the content platform). This landlord decides which shops get prime locations, sets the rent (through algorithm manipulation), and ultimately controls the flow of foot traffic (audience attention).
Now, don't get us wrong. Content platforms offer incredible opportunities for creators. Imagine having access to a global audience with just a click (or a well-placed hashtag). The potential for building a loyal following and amplifying your message is truly astounding.
But here is the paradox (yet again!): content creators need platforms to reach their audience, but platforms rely on content creators to create captivating content to attract users in the first place. It's a symbiotic yin and yang kind of relationship, a delicate dance where both parties hold a modicum of power.
Think of it like Simba and Nala in their playful cubhood days. Nala, with her adventurous spirit, pushes Simba to explore beyond the boundaries of Pride Rock. Without Nala's encouragement, Simba might never have discovered the world beyond the familiar. Yet, Simba brings his own strength and potential to the table, ensuring their adventures are exciting and memorable.
Content creators fuel the engines of these platforms. But creators also hold the power to walk away, taking their talents elsewhere. A mass exodus of popular YouTubers, for instance, could be a major blow to the YouTube's viewership and advertising revenue.
The algorithm – the mysterious gatekeeper in the digital marketplace – deserves its own paragraph (or perhaps an entire book!). These complex sets of rules determine how content is ranked, displayed, and ultimately, discovered by audiences. Understanding how algorithms work is crucial for any content creator or business hoping to navigate the power dynamics of Clickonomics.
But there is a catch: algorithms are constantly evolving, shrouded in a veil of secrecy by the platforms themselves. It's a game of cat and mouse, where creators try to decipher the algorithm's preferences to optimize their content, while platforms refine their systems to stay ahead of the curve.
Now, let us not paint a picture of complete content creator disempowerment. In today's digital world, creators with large, engaged followings wield significant power. Think of Mr Beast or PewDiePie on YouTube – they are celebrities in their own right, attracting billions of views and commanding hefty advertising fees. These "superstars" have the leverage to negotiate better deals with platforms, ensuring a fairer share of the digital pie.
The bargaining power dynamic between platforms and creators and businesses that want a piece of the attention pie is constantly in flux. New content platforms emerge, established giants fall, and the dance continues.
However, there is a growing trend – the rise of decentralized content platforms (…ahem, blockchain enters stage right!). These decentralized content platforms promise greater autonomy for creators, challenging the stronghold of the established players. Could this shift the balance of power in the future, leading to a more creator-centric ecosystem? Only time will tell.
In the realm of Clickonomics, understanding the interplay between Content platforms and creators is essential for forging a successful path. It's a game of chess – not checkers. Play the long game, focus on quality content, build your community, and navigate the shifting sands of algorithms.
While the content platforms wield immense power, remember the vital role you – the content creator – play in the success of the digital landscape. Your creativity, passion, and connection with your audience are what ultimately drive the engines of these platforms forward.
So, channel your inner lion! Recognize the power dynamics at play and use your own unique voice and talent to carve a place for yourself in the digital savanna. In the ever-evolving world of Clickonomics, the interplay between platforms and creators is a dance of both dependence and defiance, a struggle for visibility and the potential to reap the rewards of your hard work.

Force 5: Bargaining Power of Internet Users – Understanding the Power of the People in Clickonomics.
Amidst the noise of content and the allure of clicks on the internet, one force often gets overlooked: the power of the people themselves – the internet users, the consumers, the silent (but very much clicking) majority we call the Clickocracy.
In the realm of Clickonomics, we spend a lot of time dissecting algorithms, crafting content strategies, and analysing click-through rates. But sometimes, we get lost in the numbers game, forgetting the most crucial element – the human beings behind the clicks!
Think of it this way: imagine Simba, all grown up and ruling Pride Rock. He can have the wisest advisors (digital marketing specialists), the most loyal lionesses by his side (brand ambassadors), and the juiciest antelope herds (high-quality content) at his disposal. But if the pride itself (your target audience) loses faith in his leadership (your brand), well, that reign might come crashing down faster than you can say "Hakuna Matata."
The internet has empowered its users like never before. They have an abundance of choices at their fingertips – a million websites to browse, countless social media platforms to scroll through, and an endless stream of content creators vying for their attention. This, my friend, is the paradox of choice.
On the one hand, it's fantastic for users. They have the power to be discerning, to choose brands that resonate with their values, and to actively shape the digital landscape with their clicks and online behaviours. But for entrepreneurs and marketers like you and me, it presents a significant challenge. How do you stand out from the digital din and capture the attention of a fickle, ever-connected audience?
In this age of algorithm manipulation and sponsored content, one marketing force remains timeless: word-of-mouth marketing. Remember the days of blockbuster movies (RIP Blockbuster!) fuelled by positive reviews and enthusiastic chatter amongst friends? The internet thrives on a similar principle.
Think about the last time you bought something online. Did you blindly add it to your shopping cart, or did you scour review sections, check social media mentions, and maybe even watch a few unboxing videos? Chances are, you relied heavily on the opinions and experiences of your fellow internet citizens.
This phenomenon is rooted in something fundamental – trust. We, as humans, are wired to value the opinions of others, especially those we perceive as similar to ourselves. A glowing Amazon review from someone with similar interests holds far more weight than a perfectly crafted sales copy.
The Clickocracy isn't a silent majority; it's a vocal, engaged audience with the power to make or break your digital presence. Embrace the challenge, prioritize building trust, and focus on creating value for your audience.
Remember, it's not about manipulating clicks but about forging genuine connections. When you empower the Clickocracy, you don't just gain customers; you gain a community of loyal advocates who will champion your brand message far and wide across the vast digital savanna.
So, dethrone the outdated marketing tactics of the past. Welcome the Clickocracy era, understand the power of the people, and watch your brand ascend the ranks in the ever-evolving realm of Clickonomics. Remember, Simba didn't win the hearts of the Pride Lands by brute force. He earned their respect, their loyalty, and ultimately, their clicks (well, roars in this case) through trust, authenticity, and a genuine connection with his fellow lions.
The balance of power in the digital sphere is constantly shifting, but one thing is certain: the Clickocracy's influence will only continue to grow. With the rise of social media platforms, review sites, and the democratization of information, internet users have more power than ever before.
This presents both opportunities and challenges for businesses and creators in the realm of Clickonomics. Those who understand the evolving needs and expectations of the Clickocracy, who prioritize building trust and delivering genuine value, will be best positioned to survive and thrive on the internet.
This digital age we live in is a customer-centric one. It's no longer about blasting out sales pitches into the ether, but about cultivating a two-way dialogue, where businesses listen and respond to the voices of their audience. It's an era where businesses can build meaningful, lasting relationships with customers through digital channels, forging a bond that extends beyond mere transactions.
Remember as you navigate the vast landscape of the internet, never underestimate the power of the people on the other side of the screen. Their clicks may seem small, but collectively, they have the power to shape industries, launch brands into the stratosphere, and ultimately, determine the winners in the ever-evolving game of Clickonomics.

TLDR at bottom
​
Copying over my steam review so this doesnt get lost forever, the people must know the truth
​
Please do not buy this game, especially not at its current price of 30 USD. What exists here is a hellscape of continual grinding mixed with maybe the worst UI/UX combo I've ever seen. You are Moses and the "gameplay" loop is your desert. It would have been fine, honestly, because desert's can be fun if you're allowed to do what you want in them.
​
This game lies to you. If you do not engage with the battle of the bands system early on, if you do not invest solely in stage presence and playing, if you do not do anything the game tells you to do, you will not get anywhere. The game starts in 2006, but god forbid the game has a myspace mechanic. the game acts like the internet doesn't even exist. Every single mechanic this game has exists only to inconvenience the player, masking artificial gameplay lengetheners under the guise of "realism"
​
Want to record a home demo? F*** you, going to a studio is your only option. You *could* make shitty home demos for free, especially considering band members HAVE A PRODUCER STAT THAT YOU CAN INCREASE, but that would be too convenient.
​
Want to go like a week without one of your caveman band members destroying some part of their equipment? F*** you, go buy more guitar strings.
​
Want to go a week without one of your caveman-turned-criminal band members getting into a run in with the law? F*** you, your only options are paying over a thousand bucks OR HAVING YOUR BAND MEMBER PERMANENTLY QUIT THE BAND. What did your band mate do that results in life in prison?
​
Want to have an easy way to check studio prices, manager prices, or how much a side job is offering? F*** you, go drive around the entire map and pray that you'll find something (which, in the case of low-level managers, might not have spawned in your city).
​
Ok fine, I'll drive around the city, can I at least have good driving controls? No! The car reverses insanely slowly so your only option is tokyo drifting at intersections so that it doesn't take three hours to get anywhere. Make sure not to crash, though, otherwise your already slow van will get even slower!! Once you get a manager you're given the "privilege" of fast travelling to gigs for 100 bucks, but you still can't use it because of how money starved this game attempts to keep you, for no reason other than "muh realism". Nepo baby playthroughs are impossible because of how little wiggle room is given, but whatever that's neither here nor there.
​
Everything, every single thing this game does, it does to waste your time. I cannot stress this enough. It takes what could be a 15-20 hour experience and stretches it to mind-numbing lengths. And this doesn't even take into account the song writing process, which oh my god might actually make me cry.
​
Imagine, for a moment if you will, that you have been given a box of lego. "Oh, this is exciting", you think to yourself. But you are quickly met with the reality of the situation.
​
It's not a baggie of lego, it's not even a box of lego. no, it is an entire mountain; and it is you and you alone that must go through it. "Well at least I can make what I want!" No! You fool! You buffoon! You will make the exact lego structures the game wants you to make, and once you make it the game takes it away so you have to make it again, and again, and again until the game ends, you die, or the heat universe of the death occurs. whichever happens first. "Well at least I can sort the lego so that I can easily find the lego I need when I make each song!" No! There will be hundreds of lego that you constantly have to recombine (which, the salvage mechanic is slapping a band-aid on a bullet wound), oh also all the lego you combine have to be the same size, and this would be fine if the lego sizes varied by a few feet, but they instead vary in size by nanometers. Tell grandpa he can't play this game because his eyes are too garbage. Oh, you also can't look at the other lego blocks you made for the song, you're just going to have to hope you remember the right sizes, otherwise it's waiting an in game day so that you can combine some more lego. And as a final f*** you, the lego pieces are randomly generated. You aren't making songs, you are solving increasingly tedious puzzles. Which, also, would be fine if it was the only tedious aspect of this game, but every aspect is tedious! There isn't a single moment where this game lets up.
​
There is a hierarchy to whats important in the song. lyrics are first, as in, whatever topic is popular in your state is what you have to make. make anything else and you will be punished severely. Again, this game doesn't believe in the internet. I don't understand why this game doesn't start in the early 80's, because at least then having no internet could be somewhat justified, but in any capacity it still only isn't in the game because otherwise it might become 5% less grind-ey. The song difficulty also does not matter in any noticeable way, so that's fun.
​
This game is the essence of the sunken cost fallacy. It's a one-man passion project that's built on a shoddy foundation, but for some reason it was pushed out the door with a full release despite this not even feeling like a finished product. I'm sure the dev didn't intentionally make a game that's sole purpose is to waste your time, but that's what happened. I can only assume that the very positive rating is due to a form of players gas lighting themselves into liking this because it's realistically the only modern music sim on the market.
​
I desperately want to like this game, but there isn't a single game mechanic that doesn't annoy me in one way or another. There is a difference between realism and tediousness. Nothing about this game feels rewarding. It's like being edged for fifty hours by a 95 year old. You don't even get the satisfaction of enjoying the experience because the person in control of said experience is butt-f**** ugly.
​
-----
​
TLDR; play literally anything else.

So I am going to start, this all started in 2007, Wee-A-Boo-Billy was 14, he told people he was 16. While this lie was big, it was what he said next that had me pause. He crashed my birthday party.
At the time, I was dating a guy in my Taekwondo class, and we were not openly discussing. We started to date four or five weeks before my birthday in August. Let's call him, Henry.
I picked up a post on MySpace from a follower who titled himself King of Anime, I kind of brushed it off, but what he posted was he met his future girlfriend. I didn't know who this was, and honestly I wasn't going to ask. I was thinking, "Good for him," but had no clue this was about me.
I got a message from Wee-A-Boo-Billy's older brother stating that his brother was talking about me. I was surprised and asked what he was talking about, apparently he was talking about the King of Anime's postings about a soul mate.
His brother, Ryan (not real name) said that Wee-A-Boo-Billy became fixated on me because I liked Inuyasha and a few shows he liked. I was kind of surprised and ran the message by Henry who just said, "Well that is scary."
A few weeks later I came out of Taekwondo to see Wee-A-Boo-Billy waiting for me. I was a little weirded out and so was Henry. My ex-boyfriend, Scott was also with me since he needed to borrow notes for a class we had together. We saw this kid making comments and acting like he and I were close, not really sure what to make of it.
Wee-A-Boo-Billy acted like my friends and boyfriend were invisible. He went so far as to follow me to the entrance of the ladies' locker room.
By now I was weirded out and was thankful I had unlimited text. I texted Scott to please get rid of Wee-A-Boo-Billy who was Haunting the door.
I literally was freaked out and wanted to go back to my dorm to breath, but I had class. Wee-A-Boo-Billy wouldn't let up and followed me to classes.
I was freaked out, I asked Scott and Henry to please tell this kid to leave me alone. When I was able to access my MySpace account at the computer lab at my dorm I messaged Wee-A-Boo-Billy's brother who told me his real age, he also said that I was his fixation because I told him my favorite Anime.
I had to private my information on MySpace and was utterly considering abandoning my account. I couldn't because my sister and I communicated that way when we had no access to the phone.
Wee-A-Boo-Billy on his King of Anime page contacted my sister asking why I blocked his account. I explained this was a minor with issues and I wanted no contact.
In 2009, I met my now husband at a meet up with friends in the fur fandom. I had fun, but oh geez, I had to keep my meetups private as I could, the furries all found out about Wee-A-Boo-Billy, but again we couldn't get any ideas of how to tell this kid to back off.
My husband actually had told Wee-A-Boo-Billy he was not welcome at one meet, you had to be 18 or older to attend. I was waiting for him to lie about his age.
In 2010, I moved in with my husband and his exgirlfriend who knew the situation. I was petrified because Wee-A-Boo-Billy's brother who joined the navy left and abandoned his brother and of course Wee-A-Boo-Billy posted now on Facebook that he was using the free computers at a community College he attended for his GED because he was being thrown out and his mommy wouldn't buy him a laptop.
After a failed job attempt in Texas, Wee-A-Boo-Billy found me working at a department store. He started to show up everyday and was trying to earn my trust again. I was uncomfortable and asked him.to leave me alone.
By now, he earned a nickname of Wee-A-Boo-Billy from a friend who put up a "BEWARE THIS FREAK! HE OWES ME MONEY!" My friend, Stanley thought to help, but later found out how hopeless Wee-A-Boo-Billy was.
So in 2011, I went to a now defunct Anime Con and my husband and I announced to our engagement. Wee-A-Boo-Billy ignored the announcement and said, "I am 18 now, will you go out with me!" I pointed out I was engaged and I didn't have a ring because my husband couldn't afford one.
"I don't see a ring!" Wee-A-Boo-Billy was angry and told me that I was supposed to be HIS GIRLFRIEND! He got mad and went out of his way to talk to me about how awful my husband was and that him being a furry was disgusting.
My husband came to get me when my friends, Inoli, Stanley, and more got him, by then I had to go talk to the director who was a friend. I saw Wee-A-Boo-Billy making passes to a girl dressed up as Winry and she looked massively uncomfortable because she was a child and he was now an adult.
Wee-A-Boo-Billy was banned from the con and his last action was to set off the fire alarm. He also spread lies about the con and director, he lied to his own mom and dad saying I led him on.
After 2011 his entire gross behavior started to be noticed because he admitted to being homeless and he didn't want to work, he expected free housing. He promised some people money which he never delivered on, he stole from a friend in 2013. He broke into their RV and was squating in it.
Steadily I was more aware that he was getting worse on his fixations, he got kicked out of a hotel for following a 12 year old girl, this was in 2014, he demanded my roommate let him stay with us in 2015, which he said no to the rental agreement.
In short I thought he improved but I was wrong because his mother asked me if we were getting married. By then I been married to my husband for close to four years and when I told her such she said, "no, my son said you'd marry him, just do it." I basically blocked her and told Wee-A-Boo-Billy and he said well it had to be true.
I again pointed out our 14 year age gap and that I wasn't interested in his disgusting ideas. By now he was stalking myself, a fifteen year old and a few others. I later found out he was trying to pass off he was bisexual by dating a Trans male, I will call Klien.
Klien contacted me and told me that Wee-A-Boo-Billy demanded he get rid of his two cats, which he said no to, and also Klien was still a minor, he was 14, he told his dad and mom who basically told him that was what he deserved for being Trans and liking Anime. We contacted the area police because Wee-A-Boo-Billy was already in his town looking for him.
Since Klien was a minor he was able to get a restraining order, but that angered his parents who demanded he pack up his cats and leave. They didn't want to deal with this, Klien was moved to Colorado Springs and left there, luckily my friends found him and he was able to get a place to stay until CPS got involved.
Wee-A-Boo-Billy didn't care what happened he said it was Klien's fault. He wanted a free place to live but didn't want some animals taking up the attention he deserved.
Later Wee-A-Boo-Billy was basically thrown out of a homeless shelter for making passes at under aged girls. He tried to demand his brother to make him take him in, he was living in San Francisco and told Wee-A-Boo-Billy if he came near his house he would answer with a gun.
Wee-A-Boo-Billy tried again to come to my place assuming we were not home he tried to break in via the sliding glass door. (HE BROKE IT NO LONGER SLIDES) DPD was called by my husband who works from home. The police told us while we could file a restraining order it wouldn't be honored since Wee-A-Boo-Billy was homeless.
I made a be ware post on Facebook where I was flooded by messages from other girls who were his victims. I also did the same on Twitter with the same DMs.
We found out for years Wee-A-Boo-Billy would use his SSI money to attend conventions. Buy or steal products to sell to maintain a shitty laptop where he made AMVs which won him no awards.
We informed conventions of his actions and harassment, the first con, Nan Desu Kan chose to blantly ignore us. One girl who decided to call the police while at the con was permanently banned and she moved out of state to get away from Wee-A-Boo-Billy stalking her, he was 22 to 23 when that happened. He got a restraining order leveled against him when he was 25 and he just claimed homeless so the girl was again forced to deal with him.
In 2019, he tried to contact me again this time he attempted to show he changed. He didn't, he got one change to prove he matured, he didn't.
I went out with some female friends, he blew up my phone that I should have invited him to my day with my friends. He made a whiney post on Facebook about how Lady's Day Out groups were sexist and should be outlawed of you have single female friends.
He also sent me a huge wall of text claiming it was UNFAIR to his mental health. He called me sexist, he called me out. I was told by his friends that since my female friends were single I was obligated to set Wee-A-Boo-Billy up with them.
I told them to fuck off.
By now I blocked all contact and realized Wee-A-Boo-Billy was never going to change, he was always going to be a pedophile and a creeper.
My husband also told him to leave me alone and he was contacting a lawyer and going to get Wee-A-Boo-Billy arrested.
In 2022 he started raging complaints to where worked, I was shocked. I became scared to ride the train to work because Wee-A-Boo-Billy would panhandle on them. I was scared and I couldn't tell my employer anything because it would just get worse.
I was let go and by then I was done being nice, I handed all my correspondences to an Anime Con security friend. He worked with Denver Police Department.
Wee-A-Boo-Billy was banned, he was given a restraining order from the convention and then was blacklisted from events left and right. He contacted some of his so called friends who used to sneak him into cons. They were told if they did they would be blacklisted as well.
Wee-A-Boo-Billy lost all credibility and was told I was the ring leader. While yes true, it was actually his brother, and several others who also gave evidence against him.
Wee-A-Boo-Billy's brother suffered worse because he was labeled a creep too. He refused to show to any conventions in Colorado because he didn't want to deal with being associated with his brother. He also apologized to the families his brother had contacted and harassed which he didn't have to do.
I felt bad for him and tried to clear his name, which I was told don't because he could do it on his own. I wish him luck.
So there you have it

Am I doing too much?
Throwaway account due to this being a fairly specific scenario.
There's no tldr, my apologies. (There's a lot of context, so please forgive me as i may jumble the sequence of how context should be built)
I come from what i perceive to be a dysfunctional family. My european father, born in the 50s, twin of 6 siblings, being the youngest, used to be a hippie, and has his own conventional ways of living his life. He's never taken anything too seriously, and is the type to live happily renting his whole life. He's a friendly person and has decent qualities about him. He never gives up. I like to think my positive traits come from him.
My asian mother, born in the 70s was well educated and came from a wealthy (for south east asia) family, youngest of 5. She's not stable person; ambitious, lazy and entitled. She follows some traditional asian goals such as owning a home, being a doctor etc. but never became or achieved these things for herself. I hate that many of my negatives traits were learned from her.
My parents have been in an up and down relationship/marriage/divorce/whatever for as long as i know. However i only just realised recently that i hadn't noticed the turmoil in our lives would be identified as rocky. My mum has a nasty temper and cannot control her anger. She uses physical violence and nasty gaslighting techniques to control and manipulate people and their emotions. Mostly myself and my siblings. I have a younger sister who's 30, and a brother who is 26. I myself am M30.
Despite both my parents came from decent backgrounds, neither of them had money. My dad always had cash in hand jobs and never got a career. He liked being off the grid as much as possible. My mum never got a job because she looked after us. Cashflow was bad. my sister and i grew up knowing we were poor.
My father would sometimes not be present during our childhoods due to him falling out with my mum over money, bickering, etc most if not all problems stemmed from my mother initiating a problem. Every time my father was kicked out of the home, she would tell us about how bad he was, and that he beat her (she would always attack him, sometimes with knives, kitchenware etc). The durations of these events ranged from days to months at a time, though there were 2 occasions where they wouldn't speak for years.
The abuse we endured as kids was physical and mixed with guilt, punishment, gaslighting. She once beat my brother over something i had done, and kept beating him to make me feel guilty and own up to something to receive punishment. He was 5 at the time, i was 10. Things like this still replay in my head every so often when im reminded of her. The things she done to us still haunt me, and would send her to jail for the rest of her life, had she been caught in any of the acts. Social services did once investigate because i came into school the next day brandishing my bruises from a punishment the previous day. As we got older these punishments became less wild but more painful. Wooden spoon, rolling pin etc. we eventually grew out of it to a certain extent.
Growing up i had poor self esteem. I had friends, i was friends with a lot of people and had my own little circle of closer people. I was no means popular though. I was smart, but this came with expectations. My mother wanted me to be a doctor, a dentist etc you name it, she wanted me to be it. I found my love for graphic design and art when i was 13. I chased this dream the moment i discovered it. Back then we had MySpace, i was able to code and design custom layouts by time i was 14 and by 17 I'd say i gotten very good at it. I became popular, i became somewhat Myspace famous. I felt i achieved something, i just needed guidance on how to make it a successful career. My mother's plans were being pushed off course. She made me study sciences in A Level, I picked IT aswell because i could build PCs from around 14 aswell, it all matched up with my coding knowledge too.
Im now having to pick what i do at university. Ofcourse i pick the graphic design coursed. I failed sciences to avoid becoming a doctor on purpose. I was then faced with having to become a pilot. I luckily have medical conditions that slowed down the process and i was forced to pick something else. Atleast Computer science was something else i was interested in.
I need to mention that neither of my siblings had academic expectations, and this is because quite frankly, theyre very average people, the type to go out on a Friday and Saturday night, clubbing/partying.
During my time at uni, i found myself not enjoying the course and falling into a deep depression after my mother had told me she wished i was never born during a heated argument about something trivial. It was the lowest i had ever been in my life so far. I ran from home to go back to uni. I lost purpose, i picked up smoking weed and had a nightmare trip that sent me into depersonalisation. It was hell. We reconciled 6 months after and i was welcomed back home, but nothing was really the same in my head. I even expressed how depressed i was when i returned home after uni, there was some emotion felt, but it didnt feel heard by the rest of the family.
Im now tasked with getting a masters degree. I decided i couldn't do another year of something i dont enjoy. My mother wanted to pay for it so she could brag to her friends that her son has a masters degree. We agreed that i could do a nasters in something i wanted to do. I managed to persuade the university to let me into an irrelevant course from my post grad degree of computing. I had still been chasing my graphic design passion during uni.
I get the masters, now there's an expectation to make money, get a job. Im applying to literally every job i can. 6 months go by and she's lost her temper with me. Thrown coffee on me after not believing i had been applying. She mustve thought a masters degree means instant job. During these 6 months i helped around the house, helped my dad at work, helped ny mum at work, not asking for a penny. I'd run errands to the shops etc.
After the coffee situation had lost my temper. I threw my phone at the wall because she wouldn't look at the applications for jobs i had applied for. She still expected me to come to work with her. I told her to fuck herself (i had really lost it. And this time i wasnt backing down) she continued to shout at me until i heard "i hate you". I responded to never ever see her again after today.
I packed all my stuff and drove off in my car. I had to buy a new phone with my last bit of money so i could respond to any applications. I had £70 to my name. Thr phone was £50 (at the time you could get entry level android phones for this price) i loaded it all up and waited in my car for a week. I couldn't see friends, i couldn't do anything, i need to save my last £20 on fuel for travel. I stayed in fields and carparks over the week and i got a response for 2 interviews!!
Long story short, i got one of the jobs and started rhe next day. I spent the next month not going home until everyone was asleep to avoid any interactions. I got paid weekly so i could put rent money on the table every week. But i was saving to escape. A month went by and I had saved enough to secretly move out.
Ive been out the house now for 9 years without a word to her, she thinks i owe her an apology. I've become successful in my design career in this time and have unlearned a lot of bad behaviours and personality traits. There's still a long way to go, im thinking about therapy but dont know how to approach it. However this has been great for me, it has put a lot of strain on my relationships with my brother, sister and father.
My fathers side of the family are fairly dysfunctional, all of them have a drug, drink or gambling problem. My mother's side have gambling and eating/self infuced health issues.
Im sure my mother is at play here, as they have both repeated her thoughts to me as if they're their own during arguments that stem from misunderstood intentions. I love my siblings to bits and it does really hurt me knowing that during my time away a new narrative was being formed. I didnt see them much over the 9 years, but i have reached out to them for support in times when they needed it (my sister broke up with a fiance of 8 years). She has note spoken to me in 2 years because i was concerned for her career path and wanted to help. She got offended that her career has a dead end - she has no passion for her career. This disagreement suddenly spiralled out of control and she blocked me.
I used to play xbox with my brother as a kid. I love no other person more than my brother in this world. I used to change his nappies and took some parental responsibility of him growing up as my mum was dysfunctional and didnt do everything all the time (it's not as bad as it reads, but shouldn't ever happen). I taught him how to play football, how to ride a bike etc. his music tastes and his style of clothing all similar or derived from me. Im proud of him for all his successes in life.
We talk more often than my sister, but recently i asked him if he wanted a PC to play a game we really enjoy. He said yes. My intention was to bring us closer and spend more time together as we missed 9 years apart. I spent time building his pc. We started playing this game and he verbally abused me every session we played. He's always been passionate when playing games, but this time it was different. It was venomous. He done this infront if his friends aswell. I decided to end it and take back the computer with the reasonings: "i didnt pay to get verbally abused on the internet playing a game i enjoy after time at work". We havent spoken for a month now.
My dad tried to be a peace keeper, i tried to explain my side of the story and to give him an insight but he just couldn't seem to understand my actions.
Over the 9 years. Like i said previously, i have tried to improve myself and identify when i make mistakes and own up to them like an adult. I just dont think my family have tried to do the same thing with the distance we've had in time and space.
It was my birthday recently and no one from my entire family said happy birthday to me. I've gotten used to having cut my mum off in my life. Im of the cloth that everyone is now old enough to know better, but whether or not they want to be on a path of self improvement is up to them and is a conscious choice.
It breaks my heart i may have to cut everyone off and really move on with my life. Is all this doing too much?
Edit: there's a lot of information missed out as there's just too much to include for additional context.
Apologies if this is too much context. My head is going wild as ive been pondering a lot of this for a long time.

Throwaway account due to this being a fairly specific scenario.
There's no tldr, my apologies. (There's a lot of context, so please forgive me as i may jumble the sequence of how context should be built)
I come from what i perceive to be a dysfunctional family. My european father, born in the 50s, twin of 6 siblings, being the youngest, used to be a hippie, and has his own conventional ways of living his life. He's never taken anything too seriously, and is the type to live happily renting his whole life. He's a friendly person and has decent qualities about him. He never gives up. I like to think my positive traits come from him.
My asian mother, born in the 70s was well educated and came from a wealthy (for south east asia) family, youngest of 5. She's not stable person; ambitious, lazy and entitled. She follows some traditional asian goals such as owning a home, being a doctor etc. but never became or achieved these things for herself. I hate that many of my negatives traits were learned from her.
My parents have been in an up and down relationship/marriage/divorce/whatever for as long as i know. However i only just realised recently that i hadn't noticed the turmoil in our lives would be identified as rocky. My mum has a nasty temper and cannot control her anger. She uses physical violence and nasty gaslighting techniques to control and manipulate people and their emotions. Mostly myself and my siblings. I have a younger sister who's 30, and a brother who is 26. I myself am M30.
Despite both my parents came from decent backgrounds, neither of them had money. My dad always had cash in hand jobs and never got a career. He liked being off the grid as much as possible. My mum never got a job because she looked after us. Cashflow was bad. my sister and i grew up knowing we were poor.
My father would sometimes not be present during our childhoods due to him falling out with my mum over money, bickering, etc most if not all problems stemmed from my mother initiating a problem. Every time my father was kicked out of the home, she would tell us about how bad he was, and that he beat her (she would always attack him, sometimes with knives, kitchenware etc). The durations of these events ranged from days to months at a time, though there were 2 occasions where they wouldn't speak for years.
The abuse we endured as kids was physical and mixed with guilt, punishment, gaslighting. She once beat my brother over something i had done, and kept beating him to make me feel guilty and own up to something to receive punishment. He was 5 at the time, i was 10. Things like this still replay in my head every so often when im reminded of her. The things she done to us still haunt me, and would send her to jail for the rest of her life, had she been caught in any of the acts. Social services did once investigate because i came into school the next day brandishing my bruises from a punishment the previous day. As we got older these punishments became less wild but more painful. Wooden spoon, rolling pin etc. we eventually grew out of it to a certain extent.
Growing up i had poor self esteem. I had friends, i was friends with a lot of people and had my own little circle of closer people. I was no means popular though. I was smart, but this came with expectations. My mother wanted me to be a doctor, a dentist etc you name it, she wanted me to be it. I found my love for graphic design and art when i was 13. I chased this dream the moment i discovered it. Back then we had MySpace, i was able to code and design custom layouts by time i was 14 and by 17 I'd say i gotten very good at it. I became popular, i became somewhat Myspace famous. I felt i achieved something, i just needed guidance on how to make it a successful career. My mother's plans were being pushed off course. She made me study sciences in A Level, I picked IT aswell because i could build PCs from around 14 aswell, it all matched up with my coding knowledge too.
Im now having to pick what i do at university. Ofcourse i pick the graphic design coursed. I failed sciences to avoid becoming a doctor on purpose. I was then faced with having to become a pilot. I luckily have medical conditions that slowed down the process and i was forced to pick something else. Atleast Computer science was something else i was interested in.
I need to mention that neither of my siblings had academic expectations, and this is because quite frankly, theyre very average people, the type to go out on a Friday and Saturday night, clubbing/partying.
During my time at uni, i found myself not enjoying the course and falling into a deep depression after my mother had told me she wished i was never born during a heated argument about something trivial. It was the lowest i had ever been in my life so far. I ran from home to go back to uni. I lost purpose, i picked up smoking weed and had a nightmare trip that sent me into depersonalisation. It was hell. We reconciled 6 months after and i was welcomed back home, but nothing was really the same in my head. I even expressed how depressed i was when i returned home after uni, there was some emotion felt, but it didnt feel heard by the rest of the family.
Im now tasked with getting a masters degree. I decided i couldn't do another year of something i dont enjoy. My mother wanted to pay for it so she could brag to her friends that her son has a masters degree. We agreed that i could do a nasters in something i wanted to do. I managed to persuade the university to let me into an irrelevant course from my post grad degree of computing. I had still been chasing my graphic design passion during uni.
I get the masters, now there's an expectation to make money, get a job. Im applying to literally every job i can. 6 months go by and she's lost her temper with me. Thrown coffee on me after not believing i had been applying. She mustve thought a masters degree means instant job. During these 6 months i helped around the house, helped my dad at work, helped ny mum at work, not asking for a penny. I'd run errands to the shops etc.
After the coffee situation had lost my temper. I threw my phone at the wall because she wouldn't look at the applications for jobs i had applied for. She still expected me to come to work with her. I told her to fuck herself (i had really lost it. And this time i wasnt backing down) she continued to shout at me until i heard "i hate you". I responded to never ever see her again after today.
I packed all my stuff and drove off in my car. I had to buy a new phone with my last bit of money so i could respond to any applications. I had £70 to my name. Thr phone was £50 (at the time you could get entry level android phones for this price) i loaded it all up and waited in my car for a week. I couldn't see friends, i couldn't do anything, i need to save my last £20 on fuel for travel. I stayed in fields and carparks over the week and i got a response for 2 interviews!!
Long story short, i got one of the jobs and started rhe next day. I spent the next month not going home until everyone was asleep to avoid any interactions. I got paid weekly so i could put rent money on the table every week. But i was saving to escape. A month went by and I had saved enough to secretly move out.
Ive been out the house now for 9 years without a word to her, she thinks i owe her an apology. I've become successful in my design career in this time and have unlearned a lot of bad behaviours and personality traits. There's still a long way to go, im thinking about therapy but dont know how to approach it. However this has been great for me, it has put a lot of strain on my relationships with my brother, sister and father.
My fathers side of the family are fairly dysfunctional, all of them have a drug, drink or gambling problem. My mother's side have gambling and eating/self infuced health issues.
Im sure my mother is at play here, as they have both repeated her thoughts to me as if they're their own during arguments that stem from misunderstood intentions. I love my siblings to bits and it does really hurt me knowing that during my time away a new narrative was being formed. I didnt see them much over the 9 years, but i have reached out to them for support in times when they needed it (my sister broke up with a fiance of 8 years). She has note spoken to me in 2 years because i was concerned for her career path and wanted to help. She got offended that her career has a dead end - she has no passion for her career. This disagreement suddenly spiralled out of control and she blocked me.
I used to play xbox with my brother as a kid. I love no other person more than my brother in this world. I used to change his nappies and took some parental responsibility of him growing up as my mum was dysfunctional and didnt do everything all the time (it's not as bad as it reads, but shouldn't ever happen). I taught him how to play football, how to ride a bike etc. his music tastes and his style of clothing all similar or derived from me. Im proud of him for all his successes in life.
We talk more often than my sister, but recently i asked him if he wanted a PC to play a game we really enjoy. He said yes. My intention was to bring us closer and spend more time together as we missed 9 years apart. I spent time building his pc. We started playing this game and he verbally abused me every session we played. He's always been passionate when playing games, but this time it was different. It was venomous. He done this infront if his friends aswell. I decided to end it and take back the computer with the reasonings: "i didnt pay to get verbally abused on the internet playing a game i enjoy after time at work". We havent spoken for a month now.
My dad tried to be a peace keeper, i tried to explain my side of the story and to give him an insight but he just couldn't seem to understand my actions.
Over the 9 years. Like i said previously, i have tried to improve myself and identify when i make mistakes and own up to them like an adult. I just dont think my family have tried to do the same thing with the distance we've had in time and space.
It was my birthday recently and no one from my entire family said happy birthday to me. I've gotten used to having cut my mum off in my life. Im of the cloth that everyone is now old enough to know better, but whether or not they want to be on a path of self improvement is up to them and is a conscious choice.
It breaks my heart i may have to cut everyone off and really move on with my life. Is all this doing too much?
Edit: there's a lot of information missed out as there's just too much to include for additional context.
Apologies if this is too much context. My head is going wild as ive been pondering a lot of this for a long time.

I (32 F) sent my bio dad a message on FB the other day and he hasn't replied.
Skip to the next paragraph in Bold if you don't care to read the background story.
Background: I was raised by my mom and her husband, who legally adopted me in elementary school. In my earliest years though, there was some confusion about my paternity. I spent weekends with a man I thought was my dad, or, more often, his parents. When I was 7, I found out that my mom was wrong about who my dad and grandparents were and met my ACTUAL dad.
Bio Dad, Joe*, came over to our house with his other daughter, Georgia (a younger half-sister). At this point, my mom was married, and they had a new baby, my sister Hannah. I don't remember much about that initial meeting. I think I mostly just played with Georgia.
We had one more meeting where he and Georgia picked me up and we went over to his house. We went ice skating together. After that, he sent me a card with his phone number saying I could call him Dad if I wanted. Idk what happened to the card. I'm mildly suspicious of its disappearance, but 7-year-olds lose stuff all the time, so maybe it did just get lost.
Fast forward to my late teens and I found him on Myspace. He seemed like he was really into partying by all of his posts. I wasn't and am not a partier. I didn't want to complicate my life by reaching out and I knew my parents wouldn't want to deal with him either.
Basically, I've been stalking him online on and off for 15 years. I'm at the point now where my life is relatively calm. He also looks like he's chilled out a bit, so I decided to reach out.
I tried to be as chill as possible. I stated my name. Said I was Eden's daughter and would like to reconnect. I suggested we grab a drink or a coffee and let me know what works for him. I added a smiley face too.
How long should I wait before I attempt contact again? Should I even try again? What if the message is just in a void of requests he never looks at because we're not FB friends?
*names have been changed
*UPDATE* He blocked me ☹️

With the Mid-Late 2010s transition, I'd probably start it on September 13, 2016 with the release of Black Beatles (which helped launch trap music to the forefront of mainstream music) and end it on June 18, 2018 with XXXTentacion's death. I know June 2018 seems pretty late but I think it's fitting.
This whole transition falls within the Core 2010s, so it's not remotely 2020s in any meaningful way.
This is just the main transition that I noticed. It was arguably bigger, but honestly, the latter half of 2018 and the beginning of 2019 felt safely late 2010s. The purest portion of late 2010s culture and pretty much the peak.
Let's begin.
​
​
https://preview.redd.it/mmef3z83xelc1.png?width=300&format=png&auto=webp&s=ac67c204a3dd0034ca0dbf0a4323d5db3388fc05

The release of Rae Sremmurd's song "Black Beatles" featuring Gucci Mane - September 13, 2016

As we approached the fall of 2016, Rae Sremmurd would drop their new hit single "Black Beatles", which was basically about the two band members being a modern black version of the iconic '60s band The Beatles. This song is usually considered to have been the turning point for trap music becoming the most popular genre in popular music.
Following viral exposure, due in large part to its role in the Mannequin Challenge trend, it became both Rae Sremmurd's and Gucci Mane's first number-one single on both the US Billboard Hot 100 and the New Zealand Official New Zealand Music Chart as well as their first top ten appearances in countries such as Australia, Canada, and the UK.
​
​
https://preview.redd.it/e0a0ux34xelc1.png?width=330&format=png&auto=webp&s=ba7e1b0d650c60171950aa8c81150e37cb0fbd83

The infamous "I Want to Give Up My Car-Stealing, Knife-Wielding, Twerking 13-Year-Old Daughter Who Tried to Frame Me for a Crime!" episode of Dr. Phil - September 14, 2016

Interesting that this event is where I start the mid-late 10's transition but here we are. While filming a show about being an uncontrollable teen, Danielle Bregoli steals a Dr. Phil crew member's car; Barbara Ann wants to turn 13-year-old Danielle over to authorities. During the episode, Bhabie claimed that she stole cars and credit cards, and when she was vexed by the live audience's laughter, she referred to them as "hoes," before challenging them to a fight as she said: "Cash me outside, how 'bout dah?".
This exact catchphrase would take over the internet by storm in late January 2017 with tons of memes circulating across social media, mostly Instagram and YouTube (maybe even Snapchat). This would make the 13 year old become an overnight internet sensation. This would be the very beginning of the Instagram clout chasing culture that would dominate social media very soon.
​
​
https://preview.redd.it/5pvrh715xelc1.png?width=3488&format=png&auto=webp&s=a16f0bb735f7eb49fc56c462772d4efcedcb05ea

The 2016 presidential debates - September 26, 2016

At this point, society was drastically changing into the world we now currently live in. Polarization was starting to take hold and politics would become a regular topic in daily conversation. And this presidential debate would heat things up tenfold.
​
​
https://preview.redd.it/u2amjqr5xelc1.png?width=300&format=png&auto=webp&s=17857669cba2a44148455903e997f1f4b0c4d4d5

Migos' song "Bad and Boujee" releases featuring Lil Uzi Vert - October 28, 2016

In the fall of 2016, Migos' hit single "Bad and Boujee" would be released and would quickly take the internet by storm. In late December 2016, "Bad and Boujee" became an Internet phenomenon, spawning many memes with the lyrics "rain drop, drop top". This viral trend, combined with Donald Glover's shoutout at the 2017 Golden Globes, would help its commercial performance and cause the song to spike into the top ten and later peak at number one on the US Billboard Hot 100 for the week of January 21, 2017, making it the first number one single for both Migos and Lil Uzi Vert. There were also many memes about member Takeoff's omission from the song. The single received a nomination for Best Rap Performance at the 60th Annual Grammy Awards.
This song, just like "Bad Beatles", would quickly launch trap as the most relevant genre in popular music.
​
​
https://preview.redd.it/xkxl84e6xelc1.png?width=2048&format=png&auto=webp&s=59707824a5db0195b7a90f2d95cc07fbf0fb7dc1

Donald Trump wins the 2016 presidential election - November 8, 2016

Just like the last event, but even moreso, this would forever change the landscape of our society and how people interact with each other. This would truly turn people against each other and cause division simply because of one's political allegiance/beliefs.
​
​
https://preview.redd.it/ep61ry27xelc1.png?width=700&format=png&auto=webp&s=f8503a124a6dba1ee3c091d72246540cfa6e013a

Vine shuts down for good - January 17, 2017

Even though it was on a noticeable decline throughout the second half of 2016, Vine would officially shut down going into the new year. This would be a massive blow to the culture of the classic 2010s and short form content on social media.
​
​
https://preview.redd.it/h1twz608xelc1.png?width=1200&format=png&auto=webp&s=90fa19640fb9f5bc8f4354ae7358394ca074f5a4

Donald Trump's inauguration into office - January 20, 2017

This would officially mark a new era in our country and society in general as Donald J. Trump was sworn in as the new president of the United States, pretty much completing the transition.
​
​
https://preview.redd.it/mojnfeno0flc1.png?width=1920&format=png&auto=webp&s=2b56fc6c6e437b5d022df538a83cd30958614766

President Trump signs the "Muslim travel ban" - January 27, 2017

In the Winter of 2017, President Trump would sign an executive order that banned travel to the United States for 90 days from seven predominantly Muslim countries–Iran, Iraq, Libya, Somalia, Sudan, Syria, and Yemen–and suspended the resettlement of all Syrian refugees.
The order sparked protests around the country at airports and immigrant rights, refugee resettlement, and civil liberties organizations undertook several legal challenges to the order on the grounds that it constituted religious discrimination. The suits against the travel bans resulted in court injunctions temporarily blocking the order and groups in opposition to the ban also blocked a second iteration of the executive order.
​
​
https://preview.redd.it/8aiblxm8xelc1.png?width=330&format=png&auto=webp&s=1f72e89e17260626b269891d24827153aab89ff1

XXXTentacion's song "Look at Me!" re-releases and gains massive attention - February 10, 2017

Originally released December 30, 2015 on Soundcloud and then January 29, 2016 on iTunes, XXXTentacion's hit single "Look at Me!" would become a sleeper hit in January 2017, in which the single was later re-released for digital download again with a remastered and clean version of the single in February 2017, by Empire Distribution. The song serves as the lead single from his debut commercial mixtape Revenge. The track cover would feature X's mugshot and it would take the internet by storm. He would gain popularity when he accused Drake of stealing his flow in the song.
XXXTentacion would go from an underground artist to a legit up-and-coming rapper instantly. The song peaked at number 34 on the US Billboard Hot 100. "Look at Me" was certified Platinum by the Recording Industry Association of America (RIAA) on August 14, with over one million single-equivalent units. The official music video for "Look at Me" was released on the XXXTentacion YouTube channel on September 12. The video features both "Look at Me" and "Riot" by XXXTentacion.
​
​
https://preview.redd.it/68p82199xelc1.png?width=708&format=png&auto=webp&s=9bf6f31bab00465ff995a28bed1e45cfc66e2726

The Nintendo Switch releases worldwide - March 3, 2017

After years of Nintendo struggling with the failed lifespan of the Wii U, they would start to bounce back with the launch of their next-generation console, the Switch. This would be the start of their redemption arc. Released in the middle of the eighth generation of home consoles, the Switch succeeded the Wii U and competes with Microsoft's Xbox One and Sony's PlayStation 4; it has also competed with the ninth-generation consoles, Microsoft's Xbox Series X/S and Sony's PlayStation 5. So it's a hybrid console of both gaming generations.
​
​
https://preview.redd.it/2c2psh637flc1.png?width=330&format=png&auto=webp&s=7cb4d54d5d70995b816b16c5efb2602c7705ddae

Lil Uzi Vert's song "XO Tour Lif3" releases - March 24, 2017

Originally released on February 26, Lil Uzi Vert's new hit single would make it to all streaming platforms a month later. It peaked at number seven on the US Billboard Hot 100, becoming Lil Uzi Vert's highest-charting single as a solo artist until the release of "Futsal Shuffle 2020", which peaked at number five. It was also their second top 10 entry overall after their feature on "Bad and Boujee" by Migos. It is Lil Uzi Vert's most popular song, and has amassed over two billion streams on Spotify. On December 7, 2022, the song was certified RIAA Diamond selling over 11 million copies, giving them their first Diamond certification and making it the best-selling emo rap song of all-time.
This song was responsible for popularizing emo rap as another trendy subgenre of hip-hop in the late 2010s. On September 4, the official music video for "XO Tour Llif3" was released; it features XO artists The Weeknd and Nav in cameo appearances.
​
​
https://preview.redd.it/lyftay8w1flc1.png?width=1000&format=png&auto=webp&s=f27e50e0fb942fbe116cb2161e919330bbfbd9b6

13 Reasons Why releases on Netflix - March 31, 2017

In the Spring of 2017, a new American teen drama television series released on the Netflix streaming platform, 13 Reasons Why, which was based on the 2007 novel Thirteen Reasons Why by author Jay Asher. The series revolves around high school student Clay Jensen (Dylan Minnette) and the aftermath of the suicide of fellow student Hannah Baker (Katherine Langford). Before her death, she leaves behind a box of cassette tapes in which she details the reasons why she chose to kill herself as well as the people she believes are responsible for her death.
This was a very popular show for teens to binge watch in the late 2010s and it actually played a negative role on society, regarding mental health, at least based on statistics. For example, a University of Michigan study finds that a significant proportion of suicidal teens treated in a psychiatric emergency department said that watching the Netflix series 13 Reasons Why had increased their suicide risk. Interesting.
​
​
https://preview.redd.it/47ls3e1r5flc1.png?width=300&format=png&auto=webp&s=15f26894378f5d1a53a290213eddfb0619a52d11

The remix of Luis Fonsi and Daddy Yankee's hit single "Despacito" that featured Justin Bieber releases - April 17, 2017

Originally released on January 13, "Despacito" was written by Luis Fonsi, Erika Ender and Daddy Yankee, and produced by Mauricio Rengifo and Andrés Torres. A remix version featuring Canadian singer Justin Bieber was released on April 17, which helped to improve the chart performance of the song in numerous countries, including various number-one positions. "Despacito" has been widely credited by music journalists as being instrumental in the renewed popularity of Spanish-language pop music in the mainstream market. "Despacito" has been also ranked among the best Latin songs of all time and the best songs of 2017 by various publications, which referred to it as one of the most successful Spanish-language tracks in pop music history.
The song topped the charts of 47 countries and reached the top 10 of six others. In the United States, it became the first song primarily in Spanish to top the Billboard Hot 100 since Los del Río's "Macarena" in 1996, subsequently tying the longest-reigning number one on the Billboard Hot 100 at the time with 16 weeks, as well as becoming the longest-running number-one on the Hot Latin Songs chart with 56 weeks. This song was a breakthrough hit for the new latin pop movement as another popular genre in mainstream music.
​
​
https://preview.redd.it/yvack1sq7flc1.png?width=2526&format=png&auto=webp&s=9e12ad02f74102b11503b65cd142237daccc0db9

Hurricane Harvey takes place - August 17 to September 2, 2017

Hurricane Harvey was a devastating Category 4 hurricane that made landfall on Texas and Louisiana in August 2017, causing catastrophic flooding and more than 100 deaths. It is tied with 2005's Hurricane Katrina as the costliest tropical cyclone on record, inflicting $125 billion (2017 USD) in damage, primarily from catastrophic rainfall-triggered flooding in the Houston metropolitan area and Southeast Texas; this made the storm the costliest natural disaster recorded in Texas at the time. It was the first major hurricane to make landfall in the United States since Wilma in 2005, ending a record 12-year span in which no hurricanes made landfall at the intensity of a major hurricane throughout the country.
​
​
https://preview.redd.it/xexe8kpoaflc1.png?width=896&format=png&auto=webp&s=9efd0e36e3c5dc4cbc39a7830c7b21cbd571972c

The YouTube layout goes through a noticeable change - August 29, 2017

Even though they technically changed the layout a few months prior to this (that update wasn't too significant), YouTube changed their layout once again in the summer of 2017 and this time it looked like a real change. The logo was different. The classic YouTube logo was officially gone and replaced with a new boring one. This also represented a shift for the website as a whole because it was simultaneously going through the adpocalypse crisis. This would be the demarcation line between Silver Age YouTube (2013-2017) and Bronze/Dark Age YouTube (2017-present).
As much as I still like going on the site to watch whatever video I want and use it as my primary form of "social media" (if you could even call it that), the YT community aspect really died out around this time. The layout change wasn't the catalyst but it was a symptom of the negative change that the platform was going through.
I noticed the change two days later on August 31, going on YouTube for the first time in a few days. This YouTube layout overhaul was the ultimate turning point for me for when it really felt like the late 2010s culture had finally overtook mid 2010s culture, just a week before I started my sophomore year of high school.
​
​
https://preview.redd.it/ioi0bvmubflc1.png?width=1920&format=png&auto=webp&s=875d60530397e84a84e3ea6a1c6ad94a097e5f4f

The release of Fortnite: Battle Royale - September 26, 2017

Fortnite Battle Royale is a free-to-play battle royale video game developed and published by Epic Games. It is a companion game to Fortnite: Save the World (which released two months earlier on July 25), a cooperative survival game with construction elements. It was initially released in early access in the fall of 2017, for macOS, PlayStation 4, Windows, and Xbox One, followed by ports for iOS, Nintendo Switch, and Android.
The idea for Battle Royale arose following the release of PlayerUnknown's Battlegrounds in 2017, a similar battle royale game that was highly successful but noted for its technical flaws. Originally released as part of the early access version of Save the World, Epic later transitioned the game to a free-to-play model funded by microtransactions. Following its rise in popularity, Epic split the development team, with one focusing on Battle Royale and the other on Save the World.
Fortnite became the most popular game of the late 2010s and is still one of the most relevant games right now that gets constant updates.
​
​
https://preview.redd.it/ngf0lni8dflc1.png?width=700&format=png&auto=webp&s=872187756062df9024c20700e19fd5d14e4c8a8f

#MeToo goes viral on social media - October 16, 2017

#MeToo is a social movement and awareness campaign against sexual abuse, sexual harassment, and rape culture, in which people publicize their experiences of sexual abuse or sexual harassment. The phrase "Me Too" was initially used in this context on social media in 2006, on Myspace, by sexual assault survivor and activist Tarana Burke. The hashtag #MeToo was used starting in 2017 as a way to draw attention to the magnitude of the problem.
Following the exposure of numerous sexual-abuse allegations against film producer Harvey Weinstein in October 2017, the movement began to spread virally as a hashtag on social media. On October 16, 2017, American actress Alyssa Milano posted on Twitter, "If all the women who have been sexually harassed or assaulted wrote 'Me too' as a status, we might give people a sense of the magnitude of the problem," saying that she got the idea from a friend. A number of high-profile posts and responses from American celebrities Gwyneth Paltrow, Ashley Judd, Jennifer Lawrence, and Uma Thurman, among others, soon followed.
Widespread media coverage and discussion of sexual harassment, particularly in Hollywood, led to high-profile terminations from positions held, as well as criticism and backlash. After millions of people started using the phrase and hashtag in this manner in English, the expression began to spread to dozens of other languages. The scope has become somewhat broader with this expansion, however, and Burke has more recently referred to it as an international movement for justice for marginalized people. After the hashtag #MeToo went viral in late 2017, Facebook reported that almost half of its American users were friends with someone who said they had been sexually assaulted or harassed. And the rest is history.
​
​
https://preview.redd.it/gqgkuujkeflc1.png?width=608&format=png&auto=webp&s=4cae5674f7af06f761e6171e2830fc48864895f0

The release of Logan Paul's infamous "Suicide Forest" video - December 31, 2017

Going into the new year, Paul uploaded a vlog to his YouTube channel depicting the recently deceased corpse of a man who had died by hanging himself in Aokigahara at the base of Mount Fuji in Japan, known as the "suicide forest" due to its infamy as a suicide site. Initially intended to be part three of his "Tokyo Adventures" series, Paul and his group had planned to camp in the woods, but in response to finding the corpse, decided to notify the authorities and cancel their plans. The video gained 6.3 million views within 24 hours of being uploaded. Paul's video depicting the corpse, which was censored, and his group's reactions to it, were criticized by celebrities and politicians. In addition, he was accused by other members of the YouTube community of being insensitive to suicide victims.
As a result of the backlash, Paul removed the video from his YouTube channel, following up with a written apology on Twitter on January 1, 2018. The following day, on January 2, a subsequent video apology was released to YouTube in which Paul admitted to making "a severe and continuous lapse in [his] judgement" and described his behavior as a "coping mechanism", asking his fans to stop defending his actions in the process. Nobody believed. People thought his speech was a crock of shit and that he wasn't truly sincere. It took a lot of pushback before YouTube finally decided to punish Logan for his crimes.
This became one of the most controversial videos to have ever been dropped on YouTube.
​
​
https://preview.redd.it/d09cqq5lfflc1.png?width=1024&format=png&auto=webp&s=e918ed363e0af67f0acd520bf2d0c597b07664b2

The Parkland school shooting - February 14, 2018

In the Winter of 2018, 19-year-old Nikolas Cruz opened fire on students and staff at Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School in the Miami suburban town of Parkland, Florida, United States, killing 17 people and injuring 17 others. Cruz, a former student at the school, fled the scene on foot by blending in with other students and was arrested without incident approximately one hour and twenty minutes later in nearby Coral Springs. Police and prosecutors investigated "a pattern of disciplinary issues and unnerving behavior".
The incident is the deadliest mass shooting at a high school in U.S. history. The shooting came at a period of heightened public support for gun control that followed mass shootings in Paradise, Nevada, and in Sutherland Springs, Texas, in October and November 2017.
Students at Parkland founded Never Again MSD, an advocacy group that lobbies for gun control. On March 9, Governor Rick Scott signed a bill that implemented new restrictions to Florida's gun laws and also allowed for the arming of teachers who were properly trained and the hiring of more school resource officers.
This event, along with the tide pod craze, caused the "Generation Z" term to explode in the mainstream as many people were determining if the teenagers involved in these incidents were of a new generation, separate from the Millennial Generation.
​
​
https://preview.redd.it/ab0zzy30gflc1.png?width=1100&format=png&auto=webp&s=7cb41bbf3494e2ed6fb7aa7430dde6701ff62850

The death of XXXTentacion - June 18, 2018

Once again, I know this seems very late for the mid-late 2010s transition, but this incident (among other things around this time period) pretty much drove it home for me that the late 2010s culture was in full swing. In June 2018, 20-year-old American rapper and singer-songwriter Jahseh Dwayne Ricardo Onfroy, known professionally as XXXTentacion, was murdered in Deerfield Beach, Florida.
Onfroy was fatally shot by 22-year-old Michael Boatwright after being robbed in his car by Boatwright and his accomplices Trayvon Newsome, Dedrick Williams, and Robert Allen outside RIVA Motorsports, an upscale seller of motorcycles and watercraft in Deerfield Beach. Authorities charged the four men with first-degree murder and robbery with a firearm.
A lot of celebrities close to him showed their heartbroken expression towards his passing and there would be a candlelight vigil and a funeral held for him immediately after. Interestingly enough, 21-year old rapper Jimmy Wopo also succumbed to gun violence the same day.
This would mark the beginning of the end for Soundcloud rap and the whole community around as one of its OGs had died. Emo rap would also hit a boom after his demise.
​
​
Other events that also had an impact that happened around this time period (give/take) that I could not fit on this list:

• The death of Harambe (May 28, 2016)
• The Cleveland Cavaliers win their first NBA championship against the Golden State Warriors, overcoming a 3-1 lead in the NBA Finals (June 19, 2016)
• Kevin Durant joins the Golden State Warriors (July 4, 2016)
• Pokémon GO launches on mobile devices everywhere (July 6, 2016)
• The WWE Draft takes place (July 19, 2016)
• The Universal Championship unveiling (July 25, 2016)
• The next phase of the PS4 era sort of begins in late 2016, as the first phase from late 2013-mid 2016 was noticeably different than the second phase, thanks to the release of the PS4 Slim and a new interface.
• TikTok launches in China (September 2016)
• Juju on That Beat (TZ Anthem) releases (September 30, 2016)
• The clown sightings (October 2016)
• The PS4 Pro releases (November 10, 2016)
• Camila Cabello leaves Fifth Harmony (December 21, 2016), which was the death blow to the teen pop movement of the early-mid 10s.
• Regular Show concludes as a series on Cartoon Network (January 16, 2017)
• Girl Meets World comes to an end on Disney Channel (January 20, 2017)
• The Nintendo Wii U is discontinued (January 31, 2017)
• Post Malone's "Congratulations" single featuring Quavo is released as a single (January 31, 2017), then gets a remix featuring Future (June 16, 2017), which took him from being a one-hit wonder to a legit rapper.
• Katy Perry's single "Chained to the Rhythm" releases (February 10, 2017) and it flopped, which would basically mark the end of the Katy Perry age in pop music.
• "Something Just Like This" by the Chainsmokers featuring Coldplay releases (February 22, 2017)
• The Nintendo Switch launch (March 3, 2017), marking a noticeable shift in gaming.
• The YouTube Adpocalypse is a site-wide term coined (early 2017) to describe the mass advertiser boycotts and withdrawals on YouTube, which had its first signs in September 2016 when YouTube dramatically shifted their focus towards "Family-Friendly" content, affecting many channels with adult audiences and undertones including Philip DeFranco, and later PewDiePie, h3h3productions, and many more.
• Kendrick Lamar's DAMN album releases (April 14, 2017), marking a shift in his overall sound.
• Jake Paul and Team 10's hit single "It's Everyday Bro" releases (May 30, 2017)
• Anthony Padilla announces that he had left Smosh on his YouTube channel (June 14, 2017)
• Sheck Wes' hit single "Mo Bamba" releases (June 16, 2017)
• Cardi B's debut single "Bodak Yellow" releases (June 16, 2017) and becomes a major summer hit.
• Tay-K's hit single "The Race" releases on Soundcloud (June 16, 2017) and later re-released for digital download and streaming by 88 Classic and RCA Records (July 29, 2017)
• The infamous 2017 NBA Draft takes place (June 22, 2017) at the Barclays Center in Brooklyn, NY.
• Spider-Man: Homecoming releases in theaters (July 7, 2017)
• Dua Lipa's hit single "New Rules" releases (July 7, 2017), which had massive success and made her popular in the mainstream.
• Victoria Waldrip (a.k.a. Woah Vicky) uploads a video (July 22, 2017) in which she claims that she's 25% Black based on DNA test results from the website Ancestry.com and claims she identifies as a "Black girl". Within six months, the video would receive more than 2.4 million views.
• "Shoot" by BlocBoy JB releases (July 25, 2017), which was the last hurrah of the "song & dance" trend of the mid 2010s.
• A solar eclipse, dubbed on the internet as "The Great American Eclipse", takes place (August 21, 2017)
• Kyrie Irving gets traded to the Boston Celtics (August 23, 2017)
• Lil Pump's hit single "Gucci Gang" releases (August 30, 2017)
• 6IX9INE's debut single "Gummo" releases (September 24, 2017)
• The iPhone X releases (November 3, 2017)
• The Xbox One X releases (November 7, 2017)
• Lil Peep passes away (November 15, 2017)
• An 8-year old girl named Claire Hope (a.k.a. Lil Tay) was internet rapper who often flexed her wealth on others. She became known for her crass, outspoken language as well as her feuds with other internet personalities including RiceGum and Danielle Bregoli. She began seeing internet fame in late 2017, especially after RiceGum pretty much advertised her to his fanbase, which featured her bragging about how rich she was while using African American Vernacular English (AAVE), using the n-word and cussing out "bitches."
• Drake's hit single "God's Plan" releases (January 19, 2018), which would go on and become the #1 hit song of the entire year on the Billboard Year-End list.
• Black Panther releases in theaters (February 16, 2018)
• Teen comedy-drama On My Block releases on Netflix (March 16, 2018)
• Avengers: Infinity War releases in theaters (April 27, 2018)
• The greatest reboot of all time, Cobra Kai, releases on YouTube Red (May 2, 2018)
• Juice WRLD's hit single "Lucid Dreams" releases (May 4, 2018)
• The Golden State Warriors win their third championship after sweeping the Cleveland Cavaliers in the NBA Finals (June 8, 2018)
• LeBron James' decision to agree to join the Los Angeles Lakers (July 2, 2018) on a four-year, $154 million contract was the quietest bombshell in NBA free-agent history.
• Drake's song "In My Feelings" releases (July 10, 2018), which led to the "Kiki, do you love me" trend that took over the summer.
• Musical.ly and Chinese app TikTok merge and is now titled 'TikTok' (August 1, 2018)
• Travis Scott's hit single "Sicko Mode" featuring Drake releases (August 21, 2018)
• The PewDiePie vs T-Series rivalry takes place on YouTube (August 29, 2018 - April 26, 2019)
• YouTube Rewind 2018: Everyone Controls Rewind is uploaded to YouTube (December 6, 2018)

Artist: Vylet Pony
Album: Carousel (An Examination of the Shadow, Creekflow, and it’s Life as an Afterthought)
Release Date: February 3rd, 2023
Tracklist/Lyrics: Genius
Listen: Spotify Apple Music Tidal YouTube

Carousel

Zelda Trixie Lulamoon, much better known by her stage name Vylet Pony, is an Oregon based producesingemulti-instrumentalist who has been releasing music for the My Little Pony Fandom since 2013. Originally rooted in the festival EDM/ dubstep scene, as time has gone on she has continued searching for new genres to explore while never leaving her roots behind. She has released 18 albums, and her first album of 2023, Carousel (An Examination of the Shadow, Creekflow, and its Life as an Afterthought), is an introspective journey across many genres.
Vylet Pony just may be the first fandom musician to breach containment into the wider sphere of musical discourse without the caveat of being “meme music,” a branding that has previously led to detachment or the association of being for children that other popular fandom music that has breached containment got stuck with in the past. And while her rise to prominence has been helped by the reclamation of the brony [Translation: Adult fan of My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic] fandom amongst young queers, her large volume of music and release strategy that play into streaming algorithms, her willingness to never settle and continue pushing herself with her music, and even a diehard fan on RYM DMing everyone and getting them to listen to Love Letters: Colorless, there is no denying that a large part of her breakout is due to her music just being good. Her music is getting attention because it speaks to people in thoughtful and unique ways, but even then it must be reconciled that her music still has a higher barrier to entry than the songs by many other artists. The obvious start is the pony aesthetic, both because it instantly repels people who cannot take music based on a toy commercial for five year olds as seriously as the music requires, but also because someone who has been indifferent to My Little Pony lacks the context of 9 seasons of a TV show, a movie, multiple spinoffs, and over a decade of fandom culture, in-jokes, and “well known” fan creative works. Quantity is another barrier. Not only does Vylet have a lot of albums, her sweet spot for album length is between 70-80 minutes, and much of her music is very personal, dealing with some of the heaviest moments of her life and toughest questions she’s ever had to face. Any one of these might not be an issue, but with all of these barriers it’s very likely that many people understandably do not put in the work of appreciating her music.
Carousel, despite being one of the best albums of 2023 (according to my own, personal, and totally objective opinion of course,) features the same barriers, on top of being Vylet’s most thematically dense and complicated to understand record. So while the only true way for you to appreciate the music contained within it is to listen to the album, I’m hoping that I can both provide some of the fandom context for the non-brony audience of this subreddit, but also attempt to pull out some of the complex thoughts I’ve had about the album as a starting point for you all to begin parsing the layers of questions asked by the album. But of course, first we need to talk about brony music.

Creekflow

Like most parts of the brony fandom, brony music originated on 4chan, meaning that its history has been relegated to screenshots and folklore. However, the credit for creating the scene as we know it is often given to Eurobeat Odyssey, or as the name she used for her pony music, Eurobeat Brony. Eurobeat Brony, who was already releasing Touhou fan music and had contributed tracks to the overlooked eurobeat/power metal album Most Extreme Ultimate Thunder, released a remix of the song “Evil Enchantress” from episode 9 of My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic. This inspired a craze of more remixes of the show’s songs, and people even started releasing original music. Like “Discord!” And some other people, notably The Living Tombstone, started releasing remixes of the original music, like his remix of “Discord!”
It follows that the emphasis on remixes found in the early brony music culture would lead the scene to being associated with EDM and Dubtrot [Translation: Brony Dubstep.] And with the help of accessible music making tools and the popularization of modern distribution websites like Youtube and Bandcamp and the abandonment of archaic websites like Myspace, brony Music boomed larger than anyone could have expected. All the eyes focused on the scene made it a fantastic place for fledgling musicians to get eyes on their work and learn the ropes. And even with the influx of people making generic electronic music, hoping that they too could become #HorseFamous [Translation: Ironic term for being popular in the brony Fandom,] the scene continued to gain fresh, creative, and interesting voices in every genre imaginable through 2015.
Obviously, one of those voices was Vylet Pony, and one thing you can always say about her is that she’s ambitious. In a Sonemic interview, Trixie stated that she always aimed above #HorseFame and wanted to be signed to Monstercat, and to have her music breach the containment of the brony fandom. Even in her earliest work, she was making concept albums with intricate stories told from the point of view of many different OC’s. As the Brony music scene faded and the big names left the fandom to make original work (or shamelessly jumped to the Five Nights at Freddy’s or Undertale fandoms), less new blood entered the system, and fan interest in both the show and the music tapered off, Vylet Pony remained one of the few names people talked about in a post 2015 pony music world. As early as 2016 or 2017, it felt like she was starting to feel synonymous with modern pony music.
Of course, the amount of Vylet fans who were paying attention to horse music is smaller than one would expect, and for most people 2021 is the first time they heard of Vylet Pony. Cutiemarks (And the Ties that Bind Us) was an explosion of ears on Vylet’s music, and loads of non-bronies were tuning in to see what all the hubbub was about. And for every person who listened and was converted to a Vylet fan or even sometimes the My Little Pony fandom as a whole, there was someone else who loudly didn’t get what the hype was or a handful who hated seeing “fake music” clogging up the rateyourmusic charts and general discussion spaces. The level of backlash one gets when their niche music leaves their target audience is rough on anypony, especially someone who is as engaged with their fandom as Vylet is. As such, her newfound popularity has colored the background of the music she’s released since. Her 2022 album Can Opener’s Notebook: Fish Whisperer was about the joy of music and served as a reminder to herself about why she makes music in the first place, picking her up from all the comments that called her music “fake.”. Carousel (An Examination of the Shadow, Creekflow, and its Life as an Afterthought), which was supposed to be her second 2022 album, dropped in early February of 2023, and while they are never clearly addressed, many of the same frustrations with the larger audiences’ reactions to her albums remain hanging in the air.

Life

“Carousel” is an album about a pegasus musician — Vylet — and her shadow. Aren’t you excited? To join us for an adventure like none other. A foray through dreams and chaos! What will happen when Vylet discovers a magical carousel at the Ponyville fair? Aren’t you excited to find out?

-【Full Album】Carousel (2023) [Epilepsy Warning] video description
While there is no official division between the front half of the album and the back half, I find it helpful to split my listens of this album in two. Not only because 78 minutes is a lot of music for one sitting, but also because there are very clear sonic and thematic differences between the front half and the back half. What I mean by that is that the front half of this album has all the bops! If you’re the type to want to throw your hooves [Translation: hands] in the air and dance, this is going to be the side for you. It’s got the Nu-jack Swing, it’s got the dubstep! You’re telling me this album has drum, AND bass!?
My personal favorite song on the album, “Constellation Cradle,” is also the thesis statement of the first half. The first quarter of the song sets the scene, filled with staccato stabs of synths and popping bass, it gives the feeling both of floating but also of traveling too fast to take in anything you’re seeing. It’s you traveling to the so-called Constellation Cradle, the land of stars, and where they are born. Once there you slow down and settle into a funky trip hop groove as the “moar bass” that you’re here for floods your ears, and finally Vylet explains how you too can become #HorseFamous. Her answer is, of course, to never innovate or challenge your audience, copy ideas from the show so much that they’re ground to mush, and play to nostalgia as much as you can. Not only is it a scathing critique of other musicians in the scene who were one trick ponies, playing their one song until it needed to go to a cemetery, and the musicians who failed to put themselves into their art and wondered why their new song wasn’t doing very well when they forgot to add something pony related to the title, it also feels like a deconstruction of the meme culture as it evolves in fandom. At a certain level, it almost felt like brony culture had become just the repetition of meaningless catchphrases on catchphrases on catchphrases, and to be honest, that’s not very 20% cooler of you! [Translation: It was funny when Rainbow Dash said 20% cooler in the show in 2010. It’s still funny in 2024 right?]
In other songs on the front half, there is a sense of irony created by Vylet seemingly following her own bad advice. “Crush Kill Destroy Swag,” is named after a catchphrase taken from the popular fan animation, Swag.MOV [Warning: The humor of this video can very politely be called “edgy” and as such I do not think it will gel very well with the tastes of the average person reading this.] “Bass Cannon'' is the dubtrot song of the album, harking back to the general dubstep meme of having a bass cannon, but this was popular in the pony community not only because dubstep was, but because Pinkie Pie [Translation: The pink horse who throws parties] had a party cannon in the show. Naturally, with the fandom’s obsession with background ponies, the white horse with a spiked mane, headphones, and dark purple tinted glasses quickly became a dubstep DJ and got the fannames “DJ Pon-3,” her stage name, and “Vinyl Scratch,” her real name, both of which were eventually canonified. Over time, Nowhacking became the default Vinyl Scratch voice actor in the fandom, and look who’s featured on this track! “Brohoof” [Translation: Brofist [Translation: Fist bump]] is an example that draws from the show itself, an upbeat and very danceable take on Nu-Jack Swing that features classic samples of Pinkie Pie’s lines in season 1 of My Little Pony, including sampling “Giggle at the Ghosties,” the song in the pilot episode that had been covered and remixed to death by the fandom by 2012. And while it’s an absolute joy to just blast this song and not think about it, if you pay attention to the lyrics, you’ll find that it’s this album’s “Just Dance” or “Chained to the Rhythm.” The lyrics of the self proclaimed “Every single classic and every single favorite. ALL. IN. ONE!” detail Pinkie Pie getting possessed by an evil spirit and losing herself to the bass.
Now, writing a song where people’s souls are stolen by the concept of dubstep is extremely dark, and can very easily be read as a sharp condemnation of the entire brony music scene, but Trixie never comes across as mean spirited, and even goes out of her way to show her love for the fandom. For one, “How to Talk to Your Shadow” features small samples of “Discord Remix”- The Living Tombstone, “Everypony’s Bangin” - Silva Hound*, “Love is In Bloom Remix” - Archie*, and “Parties with Pinkie'' - Alex S, which she includes ostensibly because she likes the songs, even though it would be easy to argue they’re all songs that are being critiqued by the more dagger tongued segments of the album. Not only is “Pony Rock” is a stealth remix of brony classic trance song, “Sunshine, Celery Stalks,” by Pinkiepieswear, “Antonymph'' off of Cutiemarks has allusions to the other popular Pinkiepieswear song, “Flutterwonder,” creating a pattern of references to this particular artist. For as trite as I made “Bass Cannon '' sound, the song breathes new life into the tired format by replacing the tedious EDM buildups with bossa nova verses. The fandom was never a monolith, and while it’s clear Vylet was venting her frustrations with many aspects of the fandom, she also goes out of her way to both honor it and resurrect the ideas from it that she liked.
*I’m actually a fake brony and was unable to place two of these samples myself. Huge shout-out to RoxyBurrows on rate your music. If you’re reading this, I hope your insane talent to recognize brony music from 1 second clips will make you famous in the future.

Shadow

Is it so fruitless
To chase a shadow?
When nightfall comes
And it seems to grow?

- Crush Kill Destroy Swag
As stated previously, this album doesn't officially have halves, but outside of my own personal preference, the official YouTube upload does have a short animation between “Crush Kill Destroy Swag” and “The Carrion Child,” before displaying a different image for most of the back half of the upload. As such, I feel no trepidation in calling those two songs the transition point between the first half of the album and the second, as they contain elements signature to both halves. Even though “Crush Kill Destroy Swag” is tied to the fandom and is technically a genre of dance music, ie Drum and Bass, the song is far less of a bop than you would expect. Instead of going for the Pendulum style hybrid DnB that most people would expect, or even the trans woman who makes Serial Experiments Lain her whole personality style atmospheric DnB, Vylet kicks the genre back to it’s 90s roots for a darker, Ed Rush inspired Neurofunk that brings the album down from bopville and into quiet contemplation city. Don’t worry that this mood doesn’t stick around for very long, it will be back. “The Carrion Child '' opens up with a dance break that sounds like it should be on the first half of the album, but quickly shifts to the tone and sound palette that we’ll expect from the rest of the album. Distorted guitars whip out and transform the song into an up-roaring 80s metal song that dissipates into a tense, industrial ambience as you can feel the thoughts racing around.
Both of these songs are also the turning point for the album from a lyrical perspective, with the criticism formerly reserved for the fandom at large beginning to turn inward. This album, like many Vylet albums, tells a complete story if you’re willing to dig for it, and while there are lyrical mentions to the story up until this point, most of it has been hidden in the video descriptions on YouTube, making them easy to miss for anyone who uses other streaming services. To summarize, Vylet Pony goes to the fair, gets freaked out by her reflection with glowing sapphire eyes, and chases it into the hall of mirrors. “Crush Kill Destroy Swag” sees Vylet chasing her reflection and finally giving up and destroying every mirror she can get her scythe-shaped guitar on, while “The Carrion Child” is Vylet meeting Creekflow, her shadow, face to face, and being taken into the mirror world where all the smashed mirrors are headless corpses.
“Hush” is the mirrored “Constellation Cradle:'' the true thesis of the album. The first half of the song is Creekflow unleashing a string of jabs about Vylet’s true character. A large insinuation is that Vylet is as about, if not more about, the fame and money than everyone she spent the first half of the album complaining about. She doesn’t buy Vylet’s act, proclaiming that “Saints will turn to sinners, and sinners to apologists once the cash has dried.” She’s no better than anyone else despite the so-called moral superiority she stakes. And this raises the question if Vylet has stagnated and if she’s really pushing herself and her audience. Obviously Vylet has found new genres to incorporate in her music and new stories to tell, but on the other hand, even when “The whore's found a new position, the old angler reels a new technique, a bravest strike to the easel covers red the walls of a finely furnished home, teaching a new dog new tricks,” everyone involved is still doing the same thing. Everyone is still a dog learning tricks. Even the new tricks are still meaningless, and Creekflow argues that it’s time for Vylet to hush: to stop making music.
It’s obvious that Vylet’s shadow is her own self-doubts, caused by the never ending and unanswerable questions every artist will face about their own work, but the allegory is pulling double duty. On top of being Vylet’s negativity, the nagging obstructionist thoughts, Creekflow is also the legacy of Vylet Pony. As Vylet gains more and more attention and has more and more people listen to her music, more and more people will recognize her, talk about her, and ultimately dictate who Creekflow is. Even though most of the rant is directed towards Trixie, I found myself getting cuts in as an audience member. “Would they miss you dearly, as I grow in your spotlight…Are you the sum of all which the light graces, or will you be valued by the outlines you leave?” is a direct call out of the inherent parasociality of listening to music and being a fan of it. Even as a fairly big fan, enough to have a Vylet Pony flair on this subreddit and be writing this piece, I have literally never interacted with her and I know literally nothing about her other than what she puts forth in her music and a handful of interviews. If, in the end, all we are is the impact we leave on others, and most people will only be impacted by Vylet Pony by her music, a deeply personal statement to be sure but one that by definition can never capture her essence, that means most of her impact will be done by her outlines. What she’ll be known as is “a picture of the picture, of the picture, of the picture, of the picture.”
A fun little tidbit is that during the prerelease cycle, Carousel was teased as a nine track album, with titles and runtimes revealed for tracks 1-7 and “Hush,” leaving “The Carrion Child” a complete mystery and having speculation run rampant* about it only for the album to release with 5 more songs than promised. While this was mostly just Vylet being a silly pony, it is fun to think about the world where this is the end of the album: cut off before the characters have time to think or grow, leaving the entire burden on the listener. Vylet still has a lot to say on the matter, but she still gives you the time to work things out on your own before continuing.
“Examining an Afterthought” is the follow up to the emotional gauntlet of the last few songs, and a super creative way to let everything sink in. The song itself is an ambient piece set to a recording of various listeners who have called into a radio station to talk about themselves. But none of that matters. The radio station is faint, and drifts into the background as the music takes it over—not in an overpowering way, but to show the dissociation that happens when you’re lost in thought—background noise so that you don’t have to think about your problems but you know that you’re not going to actually pay attention as your thoughts are just too powerful. And you start thinking, You know, now that we know that the shadows are our legacies, it paints the scene of Vylet destroying all the mirrors in the funhouse in a different light. As a real person, she’s multifaceted; you could even say that light hits her from all directions and leaves different shadows. But each person will only have one thought on her and her impact on their life. And people’s impressions of others are so easily changed. Every move she makes will change the way someone sees her, ruining tons of potential ways the Vylet Pony that exists in their mind could exist. The light of fame is scrutinizing. Everything Trixie has done and will continue to do in the future is herself breaking the mirrors—Creating the carrion that her final legacy will grow out of.
*My Personal guess was a cover of “A Turn for the Worse” by Tarby, another notable** fan song about Carousels.
**This song is only notable to me and other progressive metal heads in the fandom but I believe Tarby was fairly well known with fandom musicians so I maintain it was possible.

Carousel

Studying every reflection
Maybe I care too much.

- A Flair for the Dramatic
“A Flair for the Dramatic” serves as Vylet’s rebuttal to Creekflow, to herself, on top of being one of my personal favorites musically. The verses of the song grow out of “Examining An Afterthought,” featuring a nice bass hit with some piano that lay the basis for the song before the vocals, drums, and effects come in, only to lead to the chorus going full noise pop and becoming the loudest part of the album, 2nd only to the bridge. This all adds to the affirmation of Vylet’s character, that she’s melodramatic and likes making big and loud music and probably always will, and if it plays into herself why does the shadow of the work matter that much. Notably, “Flair” never answers any questions asked by Creekflow, explicitly stating that it has no answers and probably never will. In a similar moment of reflection, the song “Carousel” states that the best you can do is never sink down to the level of anger your self-doubts and self-hatred want you to do. You beat the questions of uncertainty by doubling down on yourself because it’s all you can do, and it works…for now.
This seems to be enough for Creekflow to sulk off, and Vylet continues to wander through the fairground, and around two minutes into “Carousel,” we get some of the most visceral sonic imagery imaginable. Precisely two minutes and twenty five seconds into the track, all the lights dramatically flare on, emphasizing the now active carousel, what was once the most extravagant and spectacular attraction in all of Ponyville. The entire passage of music is simultaneously majestic and goosebumps-inducing, despite only lasting about 10 seconds, but it is 10 seconds that will grab your attention every time you hear the song, and leave perhaps the sharpest impression of any moment on the entire album.
Vylet chooses to go on a few rides on the Carousel, and uses that time to think about how it’s an apt metaphor for everything this story has been about so far, and we can finally discuss the elephant (and the giraffe, and the zebra, and the many many horses) in the room. On the most obvious level, the carousel represents cycles. How you can move through life but always be in the same spot. Your self doubts and fears will never go away, you just push them out of the way the best you can, but they’ll still be blocking your path once you travel another 360 degrees. Of course, there’s also the cycle of Vylet’s music, and the idea that she’s never growing as an artist. That she’s glued to the horses on which she, her persona, and her music sit.
But also, people chose to ride carousels! People enjoy the spectacle brought about by them, including the music and the horses! Ponies enjoy some routines, and doing the same things over and over. How many times has that one guy we know re-watched the same TV show over and over? Life is like that too. We don’t always have to be pushing ourselves to do something new to make life worth living, we can get joy by slowly walking in circles and just enjoying the nature around us.
Of course, we don’t have to stay on the carousel.
There’s an entire world awaiting us once we leave the carousel filled with endless possibilities that are only ours to explore, when we’re ready. If we’re ever ready.
At the end of the album, Vylet gets off the Carousel and finds Creekflow to reconcile with her, now content with her own duality. Despite being opposites, Vylet and Creekflow are also the same. Just like the choice to stay on the carousel or to leave it. The future, the question of if Vylet and Creekflow will continue to get along or if they’ll continuously fight and break up, or even the question of if there’s a difference is left to our imagination.
In the end, the choice to leave the carousel won’t be ours. Perpetual motion doesn’t exist, and machines fail. The carousel will break down eventually and we’ll be forced to get off.But who knows.
Maybe one day a mechanic will come back and fix it.

Examining an Afterthought

1. Have you listened to Vylet Pony before, and if so what are some of your favorite songs and albums?
2. Carousel is an album that not only explores many different sound and styles, it tries to mash up and transition smoothly between many wildly juxtaposed types of music. What are some of your favorite styles or transitions between styles that appear on Carousel?
3. Carousel is a dense and symbolic record that is meant to be open to interpretation. By the nature of the album I missed quite a lot of the meaning, and there are many points where I’m sure other listeners will disagree with me on the meaning I did talk about. What are some such points that you think I should have mentioned or am wrong about?
4. Vylet Pony is very prolific as well, having not only released Carousel in January, but also I Was the Loner of Paradise Valley in December, and several loosies and singles throughout the year. Was Carousel your favorite of her 2023 albums, and are there any single’s she’s put out this year that have styles you’re excited for her to continue exploring and double down on in the future?
5. While we’re here, do you have fond memories of any classic brony songs that you think still bop after all these years?

I am NOT OOP. OOP is u/meepmeepbee
Originally posted to relationship_advice
My ex's (m31) new girlfriend (f23) is telling me I am causing problems in their relationship
Trigger Warnings: obsessive and controlling behaviors, possible harassment
Original Post - January 4, 2024
So first off, I feel like this is absolutely insane and I'm unsure what to do.
When I (f30) was 16, I met my first real boyfriend, Vince (m31), he was 17 at the time. We were together for a year and then broke up.
While me and Vince definitely aren't friends, we are still friendly. The extent of our interaction is yearly "happy birthday" and "happy new year" message, along with some small talk on that occasion. We follow each other on instagram and sometimes like each other's pics. This is it. Nothing more.
Anyway. When I was at a NYE party a few days ago I got a message from Vince saying: Heey, happy new year, I wish you all the best! To which I replied: Happy 2024, hope it treats you well!
Fast forward to this morning. I got a message on instagram from a girl I don't know and this it what it said: "Hey OP, I am not sure you know me, but I am Vince's girlfriend. We've been together for a while now and we are very serious about each other. I see that you message him and like his pics. I would appreciate if you stop that. We are going to get married and this sort of interactions are not appropriate anymore. I hope you understand that inserting yourself in our relationship causes turmoil and I cannot handle the stress and anxiety of it anymore, so I am kindly asking you to stop."
I was floored. I actually just started laughing. But I also got angry. She's misrepresenting things in her message. I checked out her profile. She's 23. I was a bit surprised by the age gap but whatever floats their boat I guess. She has plently of pics of them together, so it's legit, she's his girlfriend. Now, I'm not sure what to do here. I feel like this girl is imagining things. She's claiming me liking some of Vince's pics and wishing him happy birthday is causing turmoil in their relationship, she says I am inserting myself into their relationship. Me and Vince are not close at all. I didn't even know he is in a relationship.
I showed this to my fiancé and best friend. My fiancé advised I block them both and don't get involved in this drama. Which is definitely something I'm not opposed to. But my best friend told me I should maybe just send a screenshot of this to Vince. Because maybe he knows about it so it won't be a surprise to him. But if he doesn't maybe he'd want to know his girlfriend is reaching out to his ex with some strange demands.
So I don't know what to do here. I am absolutely not going to reply to her, but... should I let Vince know she messaged me or just let it be?
RELEVANT COMMENTS
Some-Life-6534 If you " aren't that close" then just respect her wishes and move on. She was polite and brought up concerns, however you seem to be having a weird clingy attitude for someone you're not close with. If you truly like your ex platonically and you wish the best for him, move on and don't stir the pot, it seems like you are prioritizing your feelings over theirs and trying to sabotage the relationship.

OOP We absolutely are not close, no quotes needed. I don't think I have a clingy attitude at all, sorry. Unless wishing someone happy new year and occasionally liking a of of their dog is clingy, so be it tho. How am I trying to sabotage their relationship? I literally didn't know Vince was in a relationship until this morning, as I stated in my post. And I haven't replied to her. How is this sabotage, really? XD

Frequent-Team556 wtf its been more than 10 years hahaha whats that girl doing??? why is she worried about an ex of ten years? does she have something else to occupy her mind with?
she´s clearly emotionally immature. she should talk to his bf not to you.

OOP 13. It's been 13 years. That's why I was so shocked, at first I thought it must be some kind of joke.

 
Editor’s Note: OOP has posted the update twice at the bottom of the original post and a separate post
Update - January 16, 2024
Original post
Since many have asked me for an update, here it is.
So I sat on this for a day or so, considering what I should do. There have been many comments pointing out how strange, insane and bad it is I stayed in contact with an ex, saying I must still have a thing for him. I honestly resent the implication, I see Vince much like a childhood friend, but some people were dead set on me being stuck on him. Which is not neccessairly bad - it just made me see lots of people see it this way, so his girlfriend might as well. So I decided to remove myself from the situation completely, I don't want to be a bad guy and a "homewrecker" in anyone's story.
I blocked her on Instagram and blocked Vince as well. And I also blocked Vince on Facebook. And I thought that was it.
A week passed and I get ANOTHER message from this girl, this time on Facebook. I didn't block her there because I didn't even know her full name. This message was more hostile, now accusing me of not removing Vince from my LinkedIn connections as well. And she felt that's how I'm still trying to "keep track" of him. I almost never use LinkedIn and I completely forgot I even had him on there. I have never spoken to anyone on LinkedIn, other than a recruiter.
I don't know. This made my anxiety go through the roof. I blocked her on Facebook and removed Vince from my LinkedIn connections. And this is it for now. I just want this to be over and I want her to leave me alone.
I hope she doesn't also check his MySpace account. /s
RELEVANT COMMENTS
Turbulent-Yam3617 Unblock him on everything. This is his problem not yours. Why are you jumping through hoops for this lunatic

OOP Look, I had people literally call me unhinged and saying keeping in contact with Vince is basically inviting drama in my life.
At this point, I just want to be left alone. Her last message actually kind of scared me and I don't want to be anywhere near that.

eleanorlikesvodka You need to tell Vince. This isn't your problem to fix. Show him all the messages and then tell him you want to cut contact because dealing with his girlfriend is not your responsibility. What if this girl shows up at your house next? Or your job? She sounds unhinged enough to pull that kind of shit.

OOP That is exactly what worries me. In her last message when she mentioned LinkedIn she also implied she now knows where I work and where I "can be reached".  

THIS IS A REPOST SUB – I AM NOT OOP.

Editor's Note: Please remember the NO BRIGADING RULE. DO NOT HARASS OOPs. Do NOT comment on the posts linked in BoRUs. This is a very serious problem on the BoRU sub. Doing so will result into a permanent ban from this sub and the other linked sub(s). Again, please do not harass OOPs.

January 10, 2015
Harvard law professor Alan Dershowitz always felt children were fair game for Israeli missiles. Now the question is whether he thinks they are fair game for the sexual exploits of his powerful associates and himself.
Dershowitz and the UK's Prince Andrew were accused in a recent court filing of raping a teenage girl who was forced into sexual slavery by Dershowitz's close friend and client, billionaire hedge fund financier and convicted [child sex trafficker] Jeffrey Epstein. The court filing is part of an ongoing civil lawsuit by four of Epstein's victims accusing the federal government of violating the Crime Victims' Rights Act (CVRA) when it made a secret 2008 plea deal with Epstein without informing them.
Dershowitz played a key role in negotiating a secret provision in Epstein's plea deal that immunized "any potential co-conspirators" from federal prosecution. In other words, Dershowitz negotiated an agreement that (if the allegations against him are true) shields him from prosecution for participating in a child sex-trafficking ring.
Since there has been no trial to determine whether Dershowitz and Prince Andrew are liable for the allegations against them, which they categorically deny, they should be presumed innocent until proven otherwise.
That said, while the mainstream press revives its interest in Epstein and reproduces strongly worded denials from Dershowitz and representatives of Prince Andrew, it has overlooked the role of Epstein's social network in building up his influence and shielding him from accountability. Media coverage of Epstein has been particularly derelict in failing to note the pivotal role of Alan Dershowitz, Israel's most aggressive defender, in securing near impunity for a sexual predator and his accomplices by bullying, harassing, intimidating and smearing child victims of rape.

Unprecedented Impunity

At first glance, Epstein's story reads like a typical case of two-tiered justice in America, where the wealthy and powerful are rarely held accountable for their crimes. In many ways it was.
A deeper examination of the case suggests a cadre of sleazy operatives led by Alan Dershowitz deployed gangster-style intimidation tactics that averted a deeper probe that might have implicated enormously powerful individuals, including Dershowitz.
The federal government had mountains of evidence to put Epstein behind bars for decades for child sex-trafficking and serial molestation.
Epstein procured and molested no fewer than forty underage girls, some from other continents and as young as twelve, in a trafficking ring that involved some of the most powerful people in America and around the world, including "numerous prominent American politicians, powerful business executives, foreign presidents, a well-known Prime Minister, and other world leaders," according to the court filing.
While none of the power players are named, Epstein's private plane pilot, Larry Visoski, identified former Israeli Prime Minister Ehud Barak, former Colombian President Andrés Pastrana Arango and former US President Bill Clinton as regular passengers who likely witnessed Epstein with underage girls on his private planes.
In the end Epstein landed an unprecedented sweetheart deal that saw him plead guilty to solicitation of prostitution from minors while receiving blanket immunity for him and his co-conspirators from other federal charges. When all was said and done, Epstein served just thirteen of his eighteen-month prison sentence in the private wing of a Palm Beach Jail, where he was given a pass that allowed him to leave the prison grounds for up to sixteen hours per day for work.

Bullying rape victims

With the police investigation heating up in 2006, Epstein's team went on the offensive, bullying and harassing witnesses, victims and their families into silence.
Going far beyond the typical role of a lawyer, Dershowitz mobilized a pre-emptive smear campaign against the victims, mining their pages on the social network MySpace for comments relating to marijuana and alcohol use, which he printed out and compiled into dossiers for the police and state attorney's office in a salacious attempt to tarnish the credibility of Epstein's accusers.
Dershowitz hired private investigators to track and dig up dirt on at least one of the underage girls who accused Epstein of raping her. The girl, a high school student, reported that one of the private investigators had impersonated a police officer while asking her questions. In a letter from Dershowitz to the Palm Beach police chief, obtained by The Guardian, Dershowitz attached a copy of the girl's MySpace page, noting "her apparent fascination with marijuana," and expressed fears "that she, an accomplished drama student, might try to mislead [the private investigators] as successfully as she had misled others."
While Dershowitz schemed against Epstein's victims, witnesses and the victims' families complained of being followed, photographed, harassed, threatened and offered money in exchange for their refusal to cooperate with the police investigation.
Former Palm Beach police chief Michael Reiter, who grew increasingly frustrated with the escalating campaign of intimidation by Epstein's lawyers, went on to testify that he was told by private investigators that Dershowitz ordered background checks on him and Detective Joe Recarey. Reiter added that he later discovered he and Recarey had been placed under surveillance but he was unable to determine who was behind it.

Dershowitz and Epstein censor an Israel critic

For those familiar with Dershowitz, his bullying tactics are not new. Indeed they bear a striking resemblance to the tactics he typically deploys against Palestinians and their supporters when defending Israeli criminality, most notably blaming and smearing the victim.
As a Harvard University emeritus professor of law and celebrity defense attorney, Dershowitz wields enormous power, which he frequently deploys against opponents of Israel's occupation. On at least one notable occasion, Dershowitz called on his friend, Epstein, to muzzle a prominent Israel critic.
In 2007, Martin Nowak, a mathematics and biology professor and director of Harvard's Program for Evolutionary Dynamics, rescinded a speaking invitation to award-winning evolutionary biologist Robert Trivers just hours before his event. Nowak said he was instructed to cancel the speech but would not say by whom—only that he had no choice but to comply. Trivers later learned that the order to cancel was delivered by Jeffrey Epstein, on whose donations the program relied for its continued existence. (Nowak had also relied on Epstein to secure his position at Harvard).
Epstein, it turned out, was acting on the request of his attorney Dershowitz.
Dershowitz was still furious at Trivers for writing a letter in which he condemned Israel's 2006 "butchery" of Lebanese civilians and called Dershowitz a "Nazi-like apologist" and "rancid defender of Israeli fascism" for rationalizing the killing. In the end, Dershowitz leveraged Epstein's financial influence to mete out revenge on Trivers.

Dershowitz knew about the girls

Long before the rape allegation against Dershowitz surfaced, there was overwhelming evidence to suggest he at least knew what Epstein was up to.
The two were very close friends. Speaking to Vanity Fair in 2003 (before the sex ring was exposed) Dershowitz boasted, "I'm on my 20th book…. The only person outside of my immediate family that I send drafts to is Jeffrey."
According to an Undisputed Statement of Fact filed by the victims' lawyers in April of 2011, "Epstein's housekeeper Alfredo Rodriguez testified that Dershowitz stayed at Epstein's house during the years when Epstein was assaulting minor females on a daily basis" and "Dershowitz was at Epstein's house at times when underage females where there being molested by Epstein."
(Rodriguez, who died recently from cancer, received a harsher punishment for trying to sell his former boss's journal than Epstein did for molesting children.)
When Epstein was asked during his deposition, "'Have you ever socialized with Alan Dershowitz in the presence of females under the age of 18?" he invoked his Fifth Amendment right not to answer in order to avoid self-incrimination.
Epstein also pled the Fifth when asked the same question regarding celebrity property developer Donald Trump, illusionist David Copperfield, former New Mexico Governor Bill Richardson and music industry magnate Tommy Mottola.

The pro-Israel billionaire that made Jeffrey Epstein

Although it remains a mystery just how Epstein acquired his wealth, his special relationship with billionaire Leslie "Les" Wexner, CEO and founder of the women's clothing chain Limited Brands Inc., played a pivotal role.
Epstein bragged about having several unnamed billionaire clients at the height of his success, however, Wexner was his only publicly known patron, leading to speculation that Wexner, who bought Epstein a lavish eight-story Manhattan mansion for $13 million, was bankrolling him.
Wexner, who became a client and mentor of Epstein's in the late 1980s, facilitated Epstein's entrance into elite American circles, as a 2003 Vanity Fair profile of Epstein reveals:

Since Leslie Wexner appeared in his life—Epstein has said this was in 1986; others say it was in 1989, at the earliest—he has gradually, in a way that has not generally made headlines, come to be accepted by the Establishment. He's a member of various commissions and councils: he is on the Trilateral Commission, the Council on Foreign Relations, the New York Academy of Sciences and the Institute of International Education.
His current fan club extends to [Bear Stearns CEO James] Cayne, Henry Rosovsky, the former dean of Harvard's Faculty of Arts and Sciences and Larry Summers, Harvard's current president.

Wexner and Epstein were so close that Epstein told Vanity Fair "it's like we have one brain between two of us: each has a side."
Wexner also shares Epstein's love for Israel with generous financial support through his philanthropic arm, The Wexner Foundation, which Epstein once managed.
According to Vanity Fair:

Wexner trusts Epstein so completely that he has assigned him the power of fiduciary over all of his private trusts and foundations, says a source close to Wexner. In 1992, Epstein even persuaded Wexner to put him on the board of the Wexner Foundation in place of Wexner's ailing mother. Bella Wexner recovered and demanded to be reinstated. Epstein has said they settled by splitting the foundation in two.

The Wexner Foundation is deeply involved in Israel advocacy mostly through its Israel Fellowship Program, which brings ten Israeli public officials to Harvard for a fully funded Master's degree program in public administration at the Kennedy School of Government.
With the participation of The Wexner Foundation, Republican pollster and rightwing propaganda consultant Frank Luntz produced the "Wexner Analysis: Israeli Communications Priorities 2003," a "road map" for linking the US' so-called war on terror in Iraq to Israel's war on Palestinians.
The foundation also funds a number of pro-Israel organizations, including Birthright Israel, a sectarian indoctrination program that sends young American Jews on a free ten-day trip to Israel to lure them into immigrating to bolster a Jewish majority and participate in the dispossession and ethnic cleansing of indigenous Palestinians.
Wexner himself is a key supporter and sits on the board of governors of Hillel International, the national network of campus organizations devoted to policing criticism of Israel and attacking the increasingly popular boycott, divestment and sanctions (BDS) movement under the guise of "enriching the lives of Jewish students." In 2008, Hillel awarded its annual Renaissance Award to Wexner for giving "critical support and counsel to Hillel."
Though Wexner has reportedly replaced Epstein with a new money manager, he will always be the mentor who made Epstein the man he is today.

Fleeing to Israel

As the police investigation into Epstein's underage sex trafficking ring intensified in 2006, Epstein reportedly told friends that the child molestation allegations were an antisemitic conspiracy, echoing a tactic commonly deployed by people like Dershowitz against critics of Israel.
It was no surprise, then, when celebrity publicist and Epstein confidante Peggy Siegal told Philip Weiss that Epstein's two largest philanthropic causes were science and Israel.
Prior to taking a plea deal in 2008, it was rumored that Epstein was considering emigrating to Israel to avoid facing trial in Florida.
Israel's openly discriminatory Law of Return—which affords citizenship rights to those Israel defines as Jews from anywhere in the world, while actively blocking indigenous Palestinians from returning to the lands from which they were expelled—has long served as an asset for criminals who qualify.
After the 1985 assassination of Palestinian American civil rights leader Alex Odeh allegedly by members of the Jewish Defense League (JDL), a group the FBI has defined as "terrorist," the suspects fled to the Israeli settlement of Kiryat Arba in the occupied West Bank, where they have remained in hiding.
Days after murdering, burning and dismembering a classmate in Maryland in 1997, Samuel Sheinbein, with help from his parents, emigrated to Israel to evade prosecution.
But in a supremely ironic twist, Epstein, the mega rich pro-Israel patron, decided he would rather face prosecution and possible jail time than live in a fortified Sparta-like state. In the end, it was a good bet: Epstein got off lightly.
Dershowitz himself has tried to rally support by claiming that he's been targeted by his accusers because he's Jewish and an advocate for Israel, a tactic that has generated strong pushback from at least one ardent supporter of Israel.
The Times of Israel plans to honor Dershowitz with its "Advocate for Israel Award" at a ritzy gala next month. Dershowitz will be recognized alongside Shimon Peres, professional American basketball player Omri Casspi, supermodel Bar Refaeli and billionaire owner of the New England Patriots Robert Kraft, to name just a few.

I am not the OOP. The OOP is u/meepmeepbee posting in relationship_advice
Ongoing as per OOP
1 update - Medium
Original - 4th January 2024
Update - 16th January 2024
​
My ex's (m31) new girlfriend (f23) is telling me I am causing problems in their relationship
​
So first off, I feel like this is absolutely insane and I'm unsure what to do.
When I (f30) was 16, I met my first real boyfriend, Vince (m31), he was 17 at the time. We were together for a year and then broke up.
While me and Vince definitely aren't friends, we are still friendly. The extent of our interaction is yearly "happy birthday" and "happy new year" message, along with some small talk on that occasion. We follow each other on Instagram and sometimes like each other's pics. This is it. Nothing more.
Anyway. When I was at a NYE party a few days ago I got a message from Vince saying: Heey, happy new year, I wish you all the best! To which I replied: Happy 2024, hope it treats you well!
Fast forward to this morning. I got a message on Instagram from a girl I don't know and this it what it said: "Hey OP, I am not sure you know me, but I am Vince's girlfriend. We've been together for a while now and we are very serious about each other. I see that you message him and like his pics.
I would appreciate if you stop that. We are going to get married and this sort of interactions are not appropriate anymore. I hope you understand that inserting yourself in our relationship causes turmoil and I cannot handle the stress and anxiety of it anymore, so I am kindly asking you to stop."
I was floored. I actually just started laughing. But I also got angry. She's misrepresenting things in her message. I checked out her profile. She's 23. I was a bit surprised by the age gap but whatever floats their boat I guess.
She has plenty of pics of them together, so it's legit, she's his girlfriend. Now, I'm not sure what to do here. I feel like this girl is imagining things. She's claiming me liking some of Vince's pics and wishing him happy birthday is causing turmoil in their relationship, she says I am inserting myself into their relationship. Me and Vince are not close at all. I didn't even know he is in a relationship.
I showed this to my fiancé and best friend. My fiancé advised I block them both and don't get involved in this drama. Which is definitely something I'm not opposed to. But my best friend told me I should maybe just send a screenshot of this to Vince. Because maybe he knows about it so it won't be a surprise to him. But if he doesn't maybe he'd want to know his girlfriend is reaching out to his ex with some strange demands.
So I don't know what to do here. I am absolutely not going to reply to her, but... should I let Vince know she messaged me or just let it be?
​
Comments
​
FloMoJoeBlow
Definitely do not engage with her. Take a screen shot and send it to Vince. Just keep it neutral, along the lines of, "Hey, just wanted to share with you what Xxxx sent me. I apologize if any interaction has been miscontrued as my inserting myself into your relationship. Best regards, OP." Then let him handle. If he blocks you, so be it. If he doesn't block you, so be it.
​
grampa_wheezy
I agree with this fully... I had an ex take my phone when I was asleep once and message every one of my guy friends with a similar "stay away" warning message. It was a huge red flag that I'm very glad I caught.
​
Frequent-Team556
wtf its been more than 10 years hahaha whats that girl doing??? why is she worried about an ex of ten years? does she have something else to occupy her mind with? she´s clearly emotionally immature. she should talk to his bf not to you.

OOP: 13. It's been 13 years. That's why I was so shocked, at first I thought it must be some kind of joke.
We absolutely are not close, no quotes needed. I don't think I have a clingy attitude at all, sorry. Unless wishing someone happy new year and occasionally liking a of of their dog is clingy, so be it tho. How am I trying to sabotage their relationship? I literally didn't know Vince was in a relationship until this morning, as I stated in my post. And I haven't replied to her. How is this sabotage, really? XD

​
Update - 12 days later
​
So I sat on this for a day or so, considering what I should do. There have been many comments pointing out how strange, insane and bad it is I stayed in contact with an ex, saying I must still have a thing for him.
I honestly resent the implication, I see Vince much like a childhood friend, but some people were dead set on me being stuck on him. Which is not necessarily bad - it just made me see lots of people see it this way, so his girlfriend might as well. So I decided to remove myself from the situation completely, I don't want to be a bad guy and a "homewrecker" in anyone's story.
I blocked her on Instagram and blocked Vince as well. And I also blocked Vince on Facebook. And I thought that was it.
A week passed and I get ANOTHER message from this girl, this time on Facebook. I didn't block her there because I didn't even know her full name. This message was more hostile, now accusing me of not removing Vince from my LinkedIn connections as well.
And she felt that's how I'm still trying to "keep track" of him. I almost never use LinkedIn and I completely forgot I even had him on there. I have never spoken to anyone on LinkedIn, other than a recruiter.
I don't know. This made my anxiety go through the roof. I blocked her on Facebook and removed Vince from my LinkedIn connections. And this is it for now. I just want this to be over and I want her to leave me alone.
I hope she doesn't also check his MySpace account. /s
​
Comments
​
cadaverousbones
At this point I’d tell Vince
Beckylately
Yeah, after the linked in message I’d absolutely tell him about all of it. This is unhinged.

OOP: Look, I had people literally call me unhinged and saying keeping in contact with Vince is basically inviting drama in my life. At this point, I just want to be left alone. Her last message actually kind of scared me and I don't want to be anywhere near that.

​
eleanorlikesvodka
You need to tell Vince. This isn't your problem to fix. Show him all the messages and then tell him you want to cut contact because dealing with his girlfriend is not your responsibility. What if this girl shows up at your house next? Or your job? She sounds unhinged enough to pull that kind of shit.

OOP: That is exactly what worries me. In her last message when she mentioned LinkedIn she also implied she now knows where I work and where I "can be reached".

​
I am not the OOP. Please do not harass the OOP.

I used to have a MySpace page, didn’t we all? Oh, those were truly the glory days of social media. I fucking LOVED my MySpace page. Not for the social interaction of course. Definitely not to see whether I’d moved up a spot in anyone’s ‘Top 8’. Fuck that noise, I would’ve loved it just the same if I’d had not a single friend on that site (expect for Tom, of course, he was an angel).
No, what I loved was the customisation. I’m no coding genius by any means, I’ve never truly studied it, I don’t know the lingo, and everything I would try to do would take a very, very long time. But my God did I love doing it. I was deep into the HTML of whatever theme I had downloaded online. I was customising colours, fonts, block widths, padding (look, I know the lingo!) anything I could.
One thing I absolutely refused to do, however, was embed a song that would auto-play when you opened my profile. That is some truly obnoxious behaviour right there.
I would spend so much time engrossed in that code, checking my page to see that the changes were JUST right. If they weren’t, I would go back and fix it. It was so soothing. I felt so calm, most of the time.
Sure, sometimes there were things that would fuck up your entire page and throw everything off because you moved one block 1px too far and now the whole thing is on fire. That would induce panic and frustration, but I would just go back and undo it and try again. Literally no big deal, nobody died.
Yet, I can’t help but think that if anyone were to observe me during those times, what would they have seen? A young girl learning a valuable skill in a rapidly changing digital world? A possible future career in IT, in which I could have developed software, or created online systems that change the face of our online presence and interaction?
Nah, probably not.
I’d put my money on “she’s obsessed”. Or “she’s very particular”. Or “it’s unhealthy, emotionally distressing”. Or “she doesn’t seem interested in normal activities for girls her age”.
I hate cooking. It is an objectively overwhelming experience. From the first moment where you have to start to consider what you might want to eat in the distant future, to writing a grocery list, going to the grocery store, finding all the items you need (I’ve already written about THAT once), taking it all home and putting it all away. Then, just a few hours later, pulling it all back out, remembering the recipe, doing all the prep work, actually doing the cooking, then cleaning it all up at the end?
Look, I’ll admit. I don’t clean up at the end. I clean as I go. My kitchen is immaculate at all times. By the time I’m actually ready to eat, there’s like one pan and 2-3 utensils to wash up. That’s it. If I HAVE TO cook, that’s the way I’m going to do it. It is the only way, for me.
I hate cleaning, except that I don’t. I hate when other people TELL ME to clean, and I hate when they DICTATE the way that I am supposed to clean, or criticise the cleaning that I have done. I LOVE cleaning, when I’m in the mood and something is dirty or disorganised and needs to be rectified. I love a clean and tidy space, I hate clutter and grime. My house is clean. Very clean.
I have never really been into anything exceedingly artsy. I attempted crochet for about a day and a half and hated it. Knitting? Sure, as a teenager I gave it a go. I made some of the ugliest “scarves” you’ve ever seen. I gave up. It was boring as fuck. Painting can be okay sometimes I guess, if the canvas has outlines and numbers I can just fill in. I am NOT a painter.
Fashion? Fuck that. Going shopping for clothes is a nightmare torture experience. Trying to keep up with the latest trends and what is “cool” is literally impossible. Trying to find things that fit your body in a flattering way, but which are also made out of a fabric that doesn’t make you want to peel your entire skin off, is incredibly difficult. Buttons and zippers and velcro and buckles and chains and eyelets and all the rest of it can get fucked. I have a love/hate relationship with collars. Sometimes they’re okay, most of the time they need ironing. FUCK IRONING.
So, yeah. I’m “not like the other girls” I suppose. Ugh, I hate that I just wrote that. That term has been commandeered by a community of truly toxic anti-individualist … people (my mind went to a MUCH harsher word, you’re welcome). But it’s true! I never had a lot of female friends as a child or a teenager.
The closest friend I remember from when I was very young was a boy who shall be named … Liam. I had two “close” girl friends too but I remember feeling a lot more relaxed and at peace with Liam. Presently, my husband is my best friend. And our relationship is not going so great at the moment by any means but when we are just chilling and talking shit, yeah he is my best fucking friend.
Anyway, I think I’m enjoying my blog more than any other social media I’ve ever used (except MySpace, you’ll always be my #1) for a couple of reasons. Obviously I can write whatever I want, it is fairly anonymous, I can moderate the comments so I don’t have to expose myself to any hatred or negativity.
And it’s customisable. I can spend my time working on my theme and trying to get it just right. It’s such a pity that the membership package thing I actually need will cost me like $300 to make the thing fully customisable. But for now, there are themes to play with. I can change colours and fonts and use widgets and blocks. I haven’t really worked it out yet. I would kind of prefer the HTML to be honest. But I can’t afford it, so I’ll take what I can get.
The sun is starting to rise on what will surely be a magnificent Friday. There’s that ever-pervasive hope and positivity I seriously thought I’d lost.
I need a cup of tea, and my cats are yelling at me for biscuits.
Have a wonderful day, friends x

I was recently stalked online by a guy I briefly texted with on Tinder. I told him to leave me alone, blocked his messages on all apps and phone. Thank god he was not aggressive or anything. But this got me worried and I went on a crusade to delete all my details from the internet.
I’m sharing this here, because I want to hear tips, if I did everything or is there something more to add.
1. Wipe my personal info from people finder sites. Once I googled myself, I found quite a few people search site profiles with my phone number, email, several addresses. Whitepages even had my brother's name.
I opted out of a few of them by myself. But the idea that maybe I missed some site kept bugging me. I wanted a more professional scan. So, I got into reading about personal information removal services, and I've found a rather positive Incogni review and I'm glad I got it. It showed me there are more sites that have my data. And it also opted out of them on my behalf.
2. Clean up social media accounts. I’ve read that the safest thing would be to eliminate social media accounts entirely. But I didn’t want to vanish from the planet Earth. I want to continue exchanging reels with my friends and so on.
Instead, I removed my old photos, tags, posts and messages from IG, Twitter, Linkedin. Also, contacts that I don’t personally know or talk to often. I also wiped all the mentions of where I live, significant events or dates of my life. I took it a bit further and even got rid of all the photos and tags from IG of cafes, restaurants and shops I visit often. Then I made my IG private, and limited who can see my Facebook posts and profile.
3. Clean up what google search shows about you. I used Google’s “Results about you” tool to remove those search inquiries that I didn’t want to be visible. Here is a post explaining quite well how to use it.
4. Deactivate old accounts. From a privacy standpoint, it’s a good idea to delete unused Skype, Myspace, Pokemon Go or other accounts because some of those have your email and details.
5. Use strong passwords. I was already doing that, but I saw this tip quite often. People share that theoretically if your email is easily found on Whitepages and your password is 12345, someone could easily hack into e.g. your airlines account where your credit card and all details are stored. Passwords should be strong and differ on different accounts.
What I also read here on Reddit is that once you clean up, it’s a good idea to keep things tidy. Meaning, everyone should have 2 or more email aliases, and dedicate each for official business, online shopping, for new logins, accounts, etc. This helps you avoid spam, scam attacks and tracking.
Do you have a tip to add? Please share.

This was back in the days of MySpace. I hate that I’m dating myself like this, but oh well. I think it was like 2006. Sister sent me a MySpace PM and we exchanged some chatty missives. She was a fan, love fans. Anyway, do you all remember the “Top Friends” slots on those profiles? (This question is not for the younger generations.) Sarah was in sister’s top friends, aww, cute, back in simpler times. I’m not sure why but the photo caught me off guard and I spent a fair amount of time looking at it. She was pretty, but in an unconventional way, with lovely green eyes.
I’ve always been an “observer,” yeah, let’s call it that… I had a few dozen people I liked keeping tabs on. All totally legal stuff, you know, like the kind of thing everyone does nowadays when they follow someone on Instagram. Socially acceptable, non-invasive stalking. I added her to my pile and didn’t give the thought of her any special attention. I just liked her silly vibe and the funny way she designed her space. I think she had that song, “I’m naked” by Stereo Total as the theme, Silly.
She was always on the move. Every time I was about to take her out of my lineup, she would go somewhere else and then I wanted to see what would happen next, so I just left her in the rotation for giggles. At this point you could hardly classify this as obsession, more of a bored interest. I like to have different character types in my rotation because it helps my writing. She had her own flavor, so I kept her on the shelf. Weird side-note! She met one of my musician acquaintances through MySpace and met him in Canada for a date. Such a coincidence. After that I filed her into the “groupie” category.
I would check on her every so often over the years, maybe once a month, if even. She started doing some interesting work in the industry and traveling to some places I had been and loved, so I began to feel a bit of a kinship with her. She lived thousands of miles from me so I never expected to see her in real life and I was fine with that, as I was with all my online interests, but after she left the industry she did a big trip and didn’t plan to go home when she was done. In one of the wildest twists of fate I’ve ever lived through, when she ended her trip she moved to my city. WHAT ARE THE CHANCES? I was so astounded, but it is a big city so I got over that pretty soon. Until one day, there she was, standing in front of me waiting to get on the train. We were just blocks from my place. I could not believe it was really her. I could smell her hair and Dear Lord it was like bubble gum, I wanted to taste it, I wanted to touch it. I sat where I could see her on the train. She didn’t look up from her book. I was able to watch her up until the second she got to her stop. It was an incredible feeling. After that day I began checking her socials on an hourly basis. I needed to find a way to “bump” into her again.

I just had the most healing experience, one that I thought I would NEVER have, and I just want to share it here. Thank you for reading :)
Many precocious young women, myself included, have been told by older people and men specifically that we are "not like other girls" and are "so mature for our age" etc. So forth. Feeling special and understood, we are often taken in by these lies with ruinous consequences. My story starts there.
I had just gotten back from a stint in one of those horrible for-profit troubled teen child prisons, I was 16, Myspace was the only social outlet I had because I had no friends anymore. My family and I went on a trip to Austria and I posted moody pics of course. A guy messaged me and we hit it off. Communication increased, a mutual attraction formed. Problem was, he was 23 and I was, as I said, A SIXTEEN YEAR OLD MINOR. But I was also extremely smart but not wise, extremely oppositional but lacked common sense, extremely vulnerable but thought myself bulletproof. Even if someone had said "this is inappropriate, you can't date him" I would have found a way to. That doesn't absolve the adults in my life from their error in what happened next but those are the facts.
So we started a relationship, had sex, lied to our respective parents about ages. A year went by and we finally spilled the beans to his religious and fairly conservative traditional family (a "good family" by weirdo evangelical standards) and my progressive but clueless parents. At the time, I was THRILLED that no one peeled us apart, and we were told that we would be under careful observation but we could continue our romantic relationship. In retrospect, he was sheltered and immature, his family milieu and position as the only son and the first baby caused him to be coddled but strangely
also alienated (especially by his dad. Masculinity issues and religious trauma and sexual shaming oof it was a MESS). Time went by. I moved in with him at 17, graduated from high school, then moved to Fiji for a bit to do some gap year marine bio research. The first twinges of wanting independence sprouted there. After a few months I came back and started college. I felt isolated at college because I was in this relationship with a much older man and spending time with his much older peers and friends, and I couldn't relate to classmates. After a year, we decided to get married, and I switched to public University to save money and be able to use my grants and scholarships to cover my tuition and use what was left of my savings to put a down payment on a house (it was 2009 lol. they were ECSTATIC to get us into a mortgage). I was 19. I remember having cold feet and trying to figure out how to tell someone as the date drew nearer. But as time went on, more and more time and money and emotion had been invested in this event and I increasingly felt trapped in my decision because I COULDN'T let everyone down and back out so late in the game. I told myself it was just the pre-nuptial jitters and to suck it the fuck up and honor my commitment. As a former competitive gymnast I was VERY good at self-denial and forcing myself to do things that hurt or were uncomfortable. The wedding happened.
We went on our honeymoon. We came back and started our life. I got menial jobs and continued college. We got roommates to help afford our mortgage. I was a babe in the woods finance-wise and I let him take care of all that because I was scared and clueless. He went from job to job, dabbled in grad school, dropped out, tried on different personalities and hobbies and interests. He completely overhauled his "himself" about every 4-6 months. I worked at the same coffee shop for the last 2.5 years of school and got my bachelor of science. I switched to a nannying job and that's when the baby pressure started. I was applying to graduate school and finding my niche in a music scene I loved and I was doing research and making art, going to shows and making friends. I was becoming more myself all the time. The more that happened the harder he tried to reign me in. He didn't want me to go for a Ph.D. because it was going to take too long and I refused to do pregnancy in grad school (I wasn't even sure I wanted kids anymore). I got into grad school and started my research, teaching training, coursework. He became frantic in efforts to disallow my independence. He started saying things like "just take a break to give me a baby and then you can go back to school and I will be a stay at home dad. You can take out loans to cover us until you finish school." Fortunately for me I am VERY oppositional and that was a BIG NOPE. But I thought I was in love? I thought that the honeymoon phase was long over and the sort of quiet discontent but somewhat comfortable discontent was just normal. What did I have to complain about? I was married, owned a house, pursuing a grad degree and on "the path" to what people regard as success. I steadfastly refused the kid stuff and threw myself into my program and my music scene and friends. He hated punk and metal, and wasn't a science person, so my friends were my own and I went to things solo or with them, because he considered these pursuits "immature".
He became emotionally enmeshed with this absolute disaster of a woman at his work, married, new mom, hated her husband, burgeoning opioid addiction. The dependency she developed for him was what he craved. Attention, being regarded as the "man" who took care of things and was a rescuer and a saver. I didn't give a shit that much, but it did bother me that I thought he might be cheating. His constant efforts to control me and his selfish and unkind behavior toward others disgusted me more and more. Once, a poor girl tripped in front of our house and it ripped her toenail off. Her shoe was full of blood. She asked me for help. I didn't have a drivers license at the time but I knew he was inside and not busy. I asked if we could take her to the ER. He replied "It's not our job to cater to strangers on the street every time something bad happens." Not the HUGEST transgression but that was kind of it for me. I was SO DISGUSTED by that. Helping her would have been so easy, cost nothing. I was repulsed, indignant, furious. That changed me.
I did my own thing, I started taking risks, I cheated and stopped trying to hide it. All this came to a head one night when I went out and obviously wasn't where I'd said I was. I got dropped off by my FWB on his motorcycle in front of my house in full view of all at about 2am. I was wasted, angry, miserable, and remorseless. He wouldn't let me sleep, took my phone out of my hands, screamed at me, prevented me from leaving. Come morning I called my parents to come get me and he took off. I told him I was leaving him. We had been together for 8 years at that point but I was done with his bullshit and furious that all he wanted in life was to subjugate me and for me to become a mother against my will. Unbeknownst to me, that day he went to the bank and took all our money out of our joint account, leaving me penniless. He kicked me out of the house I had spent my college money on and intimidated me into not returning by moving several people in and filling the rooms overnight.
I was homeless. I slept on couch cushions in a punk house basement for months. I rode my bicycle to school and teaching. I tried to survive on $1,400 a month stipend. I was too inexperienced and too busy and too emotionally destroyed to seek legal action or try to get my house back or anything. I was white knuckling it through grad school and just TRYING to keep going. Then something good happened, I went on a date, I met a man more age appropriate, we fell in love. I found a rental room in a house and I got my dog back and some of my belongings and I set up my new little life. I kept my boyfriend and finished grad school and lived in squats and punk houses and was poor and drunk but happy for a few years. FINALLY I got some teaching jobs and I got a car and my license and took my first baby steps to my career. We eventually got divorced and although he tried to intimidate me into an INSULTING buy out of the house, I made him understand that I was smarter and angrier and more resourceful and that stealing my house and my money would have dire consequences for him. We tensely sold our home and split the dividend 50/50 despite my investment in the property being significantly more than that. Whatever. I was just happy to have a modest lump sum and a long term boyfriend and the beginnings of a career as a professor. I'm scrappy, a survivor.
Years went by. I slowly realized how fucking disgusting and inappropriate our relationship had been. I was furious at him for not being a fucking grownup and saying "no" to me and instead entering a relationship with me. I was furious at him for trying to control me, for slandering me and trying to steal from me afterward. For spreading the narrative that I was an evil, unfaithful woman (he called me a slur for sexually liberated woman) who humiliated him and ruined our marriage with my cheating and my rebellion, and that I deserved to have things taken from me because of that. I blocked him on social media, I eventually told my story. I broke up with my boyfriend and met my now-husband. I experienced healthy and fulfilling love for the first time, I got tenure, made a new life. All the while, I silently processed. No adult in my life protected me as a teenager. Nobody helped me when I hit the eject button from my marriage, it didn't appear to matter that our relationship's foundation was predatory. I transgressed so I was the bad one. But life goes on, the rage muted, I changed and matured. He married and had a baby. I worried about his wife. She seemed very happy but.... I wanted to protect her. I hoped he was growing and changing like me but did not want to open the can of worms necessary to find out. I just held hope that he'd become a better person, his wife would be safe and happy, and that I would heal and find closure somehow. I think since for me, a significant portion of this stuff happened as I was literally growing up, it has been really hard for me to move on without some kind of closure, or endpoint, or finale. Part of my personality began crystallizing during these events but it couldn't quite finish, and that bothered me. Especially because it wasn't all bad. Not even close. We traveled together and built some meaningful pieces of our joint and respective lives with each other's support, and learned, made mistakes, tried to grow together. It would honestly be easier if it had been front-to-back misery but nope. Complicated life is complicated.
Cut to today: I'm 35, I'm happy, I'm on my way home from my job as a tenured professor (Despite his best efforts at obstructing me). I am excited to see my husband and my dogs. I need to make a phone call, I am driving, It's raining, I want to be safe, I tell google to call someone. It accidentally calls HIM and to my horror he picks up. I'm in traffic in heavy rain. I can't take my hands off the wheel. SHIT SHIT SHIT. I PANIC and pretend I can't hear him and the call drops. I get a text saying "I picked up but couldn't hear you. Call back if you need to."
I pulled over and thought "fuck it. this is my chance" and wrote
"If this is still ##Ex husbands name##: With time and distance from our relationship I feel increasingly disturbed by it having ever happened. I don't need to process that with you though, other than to say that I'm older and wiser and very different now. I'm sure you are too, I hope so anyway. But I am pissed and weirded out and ?????????????????? about all of it still. The culpability for the wrongness of it lies a lot with the actual adults in our lives at the times, and comparatively not as much with me or you, but more with you. I think in retrospect we both deserved better guidance and didn't receive it. Respond or don't. I will respect either choice. I just needed to finally say it.
I hope you and your family are good. Joy is hard to come by this Epoch, I hope you've got a little."
WHEW. I felt relief. I didn't expect an answer. I thought I told the truth about how I felt and that I was pretty happy with what I said. I don't hate him anymore and I have different perspective now. Doesn't absolve him of anything but we are all doing the best we can with what we've got and neither of us were set up for success in healthy love and sex.
So I was anxious when I heard a text tone. I steeled myself and read the text. I thought "eh if it's bad fuck him and I will talk to my husb about it"
Here's what he said:
"in hindsight I wish ANYONE would have just shaken me to my senses or just punched me if that's what it took. You have ABSOLUTELY ZERO culpability here. Adults (myself included) should be capable of better judgement. I can reflect on what an immature, selfish and insecure person I was at that time, but that would be missing the point. I owe you an apology for a multitude of reasons, and frankly, owe you a sincere thanks for putting an end to it. Thank you for the well wishes. You have my deep respect and I hope Joy finds you."
NOT WHAT I EXPECTED. Apology AND accountability and no excuse-making or blaming? AND GRATITUDE?!?! Shit. Maybe people learn and grow after all.
So I said:
"Damn. I'll be succinct: I am thrilled (and pleased that what I suspected turned out to be correct. You know I love being right) that you metamorphosed into the sort of person who would show the grace to write that reply to me. I am proud of us both. Let's leave it at: We both learned a lot. Life is weird. I hope yours is mostly good. Goodbye."
He wrote:
"this is a gift. Thank you. I hope the years treat you splendidly"
I had seethed and hurt for years and I was afraid and angry and I worked hard to heal, but I was just uncomfortable and NEEDED this closure I guess. So I hoped that maybe my belief that mostly people can learn and change and be good, and take responsibility for their actions, would be proven correct for fucking once, and it looks like at least this time I was right.
I feel lighter. I put down a heavy burden at the feet of the person that inflicted it on me, and they picked it up willingly. I got the apology, the gratitude, and admission that I was not at fault that I hoped for but wasn't counting on. I am sharing because this outcome finally brought me peace and maybe someone else in a similar situation who is hoping for that peace will be comforted by the possibility of it.
Thanks for reading. Sorry it was long. Whew.

I know this is going to be alot. And it's actually very embarrassing to share but I want to get this off my chest somewhere because I have no one else to talk to about this.
I know most of you will call me dumb or stupid. And I humbly agree that I am all the things.
The catfish started when I was in high school. It was a time of dial up internet where AOL and MySpace were the things to be on. Yes im old (30+ f)I met a person who I never intended on even really being friends with just casual conversations every few days. Eventually we became closer and I started to talk to this person every single day i could online. Eventually we exchanged emails then phone numbers. At that time I was going through something really terrible so I didn't devote alot of time into having friends or being close with anyone so this secret friendship worked out great.
Fast fwd 2 yrs I'm 18 and I'm out of the housee and omo. Me and this person become closer to the point were we considered ourselves in a relationship. Right from that moment it always seemed to be some type of chaos or drama happening. You'd think that I'd be smart enough to walk away then but I wasnt wasn't. I'm sure my best froend knew the truth that I was being catfish but I didn't recognize it as that. Hell I didn't even know this word at the time. As years went on we'd break up on and off because they would come clean about "cheating" or having to go to jail or something.
After they told me they were going to jail I said ok decided I'm never going to talk to them again so I told them I'd come visit and things but they said no and to live my life. I was hurt but said ok. Mind you by this time I'm 24 so it's a blow but I figure whatever. I delete their number and start going on with my days. A week later a get a txt from someone saying he's been hurt and telling me all this stuff. Not even a week after those txts he calls me from his phone saying he's out and other things. I told them this was too much so I told them I didn't want to do this anymore.
Fast fwd about a year later no contact I get an email from them telling me how they realize they f'd up and they miss me and telling me all about everything that's been going on with them over that last year. I fell for it and somehow we became even closer. I got a tattoo of his name and everything. I kept telling them I wanted to see them or them to come see me but it was always some excuse. They had told me multiple times they were in my area but soon as I'd say meet me anywhere or ask to come see them they'd go ghost and a day or 2 later respond with the worse excuses. I'd been to there state a few times telling them ahead of time and when I got there but they used the same tactics and excuses. For the next few years we barely talked about meeting anymore because I got tired of asking. We just talked watched movies and played video games together. Years pass and I started to grow distant towards them. I'm in my 30s and I wanted more than they were willing or had the capacity to give. I loved them and that hurt.
I eventually just said enough and very recently changed my number and blocked everything they had access to of mine. I'm 30+ now no kids no relationships nothing. I found out very recently like a few weeks ago actually the person's identity who I've been talking to for these yrs and they are nothing like the pictures they sent me. Nor is 90% of anything they ever told me real. The betrayal I feel is unexplainable. But I can acknowledge that Im really just mad at myself.
I don't blame them for me falling for anything because I was the blind one and they just played into that. I always felt not good enough or the problem for everything so my self esteem and need for connection made this very easy for them. I wasted years hoping for something real with them knowing deep down it would never be. That's on me, but this hurt doesn't feel any smaller.

Sorry, this is long. Possible trigger is stalking.
I (39f) dated a boy in high school (fake name Daniel) for about nine months when I was 17-18 and he was 17. He was clingy but I thought it was sweet and endearing. I was pagan and very into goddess worship and the divine feminine and he was too. I thought his mother was a monster because that's how he talked about her; she infantilized him, she blow dried his hair in the morning, laid out his clothes for him to wear, etc. He said he wanted to be more responsible but she wouldn't let him. His room was a disaster, with no room to walk on the floor at all except a small space around the bed and a path to the closet. It drove me nuts but he never made any effort to clean it (and weirdly, his terribly overbearing mother didn't do it either).
Then one day I was at his house and his mother had brought in KFC. She had all the containers on the counter and handed him an empty plate. He looked at the plate, scowled, and handed it back to her. She said "oh, sorry" and filled it for him. Later I asked "what the hell was that" and he said he wanted to get his own food but she had pulled the plate out of his hand. I didn't know the term "gaslight" and it was years before I was able to put a name to it, but the whole experience of being told "no, you didn't see that thing that happened right in front of you" stunned me. I began to rethink what I thought I knew of his mother and wonder if he was actually a victim or if he was insisting that she baby him.
I was getting very disillusioned and tired of the clinginess, and I was getting ready to go to college. We had an unpleasant breakup, after which he asked if we could "pretend it didn't happen" and go back to dating. Then he kept showing up at my job, wanting me to come over, telling me he'd cleaned his room for me and I needed to see it, etc. One evening I saw what looked like his car sitting in a parking lot across the street with someone in the driver's seat for hours. He turned up everywhere I was. I finally told him that if he didn't stop I was going to get a restraining order and I didn't hear from him again.
Less than a year later, I was pacing in the back yard of a house Daniel should not have known I lived in late at night/early in the morning trying to work out some emotions, and the police showed up for a wellness check. They said that someone driving by had called and said there was a woman in distress. I've always suspected Daniel did it, but I have no proof (because how would someone driving by know that I was pacing?). A year or two later (so 2-3 years after the breakup) a mutual friend said Daniel told her he'd found one of my hairs in his car and was upset. I hoped he wasn't adding it to some hair doll he'd been making for years, and moved on.
Maybe three years later, during my first marriage, Daniel and I briefly tried to be friends on MySpace until he told me that I had gained a lot of weight "since the last time he'd seen that much of my body," whereas he was running around so much at his job that his legs had gotten very fit and sexy; and that I was a slut. I told him my body and my sex life was none of his business and blocked him. Since then I've seen him comment on mutual friends' posts on Facebook occasionally, but that's it...until yesterday.
I joined one of those "is this your man" type groups for my area, just for the tea, and was happy to find that most of it is just women warning other women about predatory men. I scrolled for maybe five minutes and bam, Daniel. In a post from five weeks ago from a woman saying "Do not date him. He pretends to be a feminist and a nice, polite guy, but he is not. He will call your therapist and try to get you put on a 72-hour hold (because you must be crazy to break up with him). He will hand deliver weird notes to your house wanting to be 'friends.' He will always be the victim in every situation. You will quickly realize that all his ex girlfriends aren't narcissists, it's him." I read through the comments and there were three women who know him saying oh no, Daniel's not like that, he knows you posted him here and he's so hurt, you must have been the problem in the relationship. And another woman who didn't date Daniel but was close enough to have screenshots of texts with him where he was obsessing about this woman, talking about how to get in touch with her therapist, tracking when she was online. And she only dated him for four months! And apparently this is a pattern with every woman he dates or has a crush on.
I feel SO WEIRD. Admittedly my first reaction was to laugh because oh my God, what a freak. Then I felt bad for his most recent victim, both for what he did and because she wasn't being believed (and I did share my experience to help support that she is not making any of it up). I feel validated, because I've always wondered if maybe I was just being a dramatic teenager and things really weren't that bad, and now I know for sure (and while I still don't know if he is the one who called for the wellness check, the fact that he tried to have his ex put in a psych hold out of "concern" makes me feel like it's very likely). And I'm just sad. Sad for every woman he dates or becomes interested in, but even sad for him. It is funny that he's being publicly humiliated in front of thousands of women for being creepy, but also...he hasn't changed since high school. That sucks. I have no liking for him but I wouldn't have wished for that. I don't know if it's a mental health issue or if he was coddled into this toxicity and entitlement because he was the baby and the only son (I never met his older sister but I always had the impression that she was pretty normal), but either way it doesn't seem like he's going to change. I hope at least some women see his last ex's post and know to steer clear.

Throw away because I don't want it connected to my main. So I(29f) have been best friends with my best friend I'll call him Jay(31m) for about 12 years or so. We met back on MySpace and have been friends ever since. I've talked to a few different friend groups about this, they think the same thing but I would like opinions from people who don't know me. So everything in our friendship has been fine minus a few bumps in the road that all friends have, but lately, these past about 3ish years have been... terrible. When he gets mad instead of talking things out he will block me and ignore me. This year has been much worse with it because he thinks when I don't answer him it means I'm ignoring him on purpose even though 9 times out of 10 I'm just lost in my own world distracted working on things or zoning out. When he gets mad at the world he takes it out on me, he'll give me the silent treatment, will block me, and delete me from everything. When I can finally get through to him and talk. He will bring up things I've said and done in the past when I was like 19 to early 20s. Stuff I have apologized for long ago. I called him out on giving me the silent treatment when he himself gets triggered by the silent treatment. He threw it in my face that I gave him silent treatment publicly(??? not even sure how???) when he played a game with an ex-friend that he doesn't even care about anymore. The time he's talking about happened 9 to 10 years ago. Everything he throws back at me for why he does what he does is always something I did years ago when I was younger. It's never anything from the last 5 years or even the last year. I've always been by his side and trying to keep him calm. He says he's in a mental decline after hitting his head. I understand but, when his girlfriend and his job are 90% of his problems that makes him angry. My 1% of ignoring him because I'm distracted or working is his breaking point he'll always take it out on me. I've gotten screenshots from an ex-friend of his showing him in a group chat shit-talking me with people I thought were also my friends and he didn't defend me. He shit-talked me with them. But when I finally break and open up about what's going on and how he's treating me to a group of close friends it's the end of the world. He can't go back to a friend group I have because they know how he treated me and he always brings up how he can't go back to them. I always point out he doesn't even want back in that friend group who were my friends, to begin with in the first place. Every time fight though he brings it up saying "I can't go back to that friend group because they know how I treated you." He himself has made a lot of people I have never known or talked to hate me because he will complain or get advice from them without the full context of everything. Or none of them know his side and what he has done. It's become an almost weekly thing where he will get upset I'm "ignoring him". So he'll block me and then it doesn't get worked out till I reach out cause otherwise he won't reach out. He always tells me that I'm his best friend and he loves me so much. But at the drop of a hat, he'll kick me out and throw me away. He always blames it on the fact he hit his head and he just lets his anger get control of him and he can't just step away like a normal person for 5 minutes. I mean he's not wrong, I visited him Back in April for a concert. While we were waiting for our UbeLyft he got really mad. He was punching the air and being angry. He threw his earbuds at one point cause he was so mad and his girlfriend had called him and was bugging him. I stood there by the light watching him. He's a 6'0 big dude and I'm just a 5'3 big girl but that is the first time I have ever been scared of him cause of how he was acting even tho he's said he'd never hurt me. Anyway, it happened again last week and my own mental health is already on the rocks and this just sent me over bored. I finally broke down the other day and vented to a different friend group I have gotten close to. I've told them what's been going on, told them the things I have done in the past. I even sent them screenshots. They all agree he's a manipulator, and abusive. One friend even asked me "Why would you put yourself through all that?" after I said this isn't even one of our worst fights. Everyone is telling me to drop him. I feel like... I can't... It's been 12 years should I really throw it away? I see this guy like a brother. I guess what I'm asking is, should I listen to my other friends and just cut him out of my life? Is there anything I can do to help my friend? If anyone needs more context just ask and I'll answer the best I can.

I’m not even sure why I’m writing this. I think after randomly coming across this sub I realized I did a fantastic job of packing up, compacting and storing away the trauma from my first marriage. But, I don’t think I’ve ever properly processed it. Even though it’s been 12 years now, it still affects me in ways I don’t immediately realize. I’m certainly more bitter, less trusting. I’ve always had a hard time letting go of things when I got wronged, but I rarely felt truly wronged before my ex-wife.
Backstory -
I have always been socially awkward. Always. I was shy as a child and had a personality where I wanted to please everyone. I was an only child (adopted at 3 days old). I lived in a very rural area and there were no other kids to interact with. My parents had adopted me very late in life, compared to the rest of the family, and my only cousins were already going into college as I entered preschool and elementary school. I’ve never liked crowds. I don’t panic, I just dislike them on a very visceral level. Having grown up with nothing but adults, grandparents and parents around me, I found myself having little in common with other kids other than some cartoons we watched. This continued all the way through high school. While other kids went to football games or parties, I would find a quiet room in the library and read. I had a few friends in school, but only one or two I would consider close. My closest friend I only got to see a few times a year as he lived a state away. My awkwardness combined with my shyness made sure I had zero girlfriends in high school. The few girls I attempted to ask out turned my attempt into a public spectacle for entertainment. I would be ridiculed endlessly for weeks. It became a game in my school then. Girls would come up to me and ask me out, trying to get me to go along with it so they could gain social points and publicly humiliate me. I didn’t find out till almost 20 years later that three of the girls had been legitimate. One girl who was a freshman when I was a senior, and twins that were in my grade. I was so thoroughly traumatized at that point though that I avoided all contact with girls beyond what I needed for school work and assumed that any friendly contact was a trap of some sort. The one single girl I “dated” in high school mind fcked me as well. About two months into going out with her (kissing, cuddling ect), while on a “date”, she casually said there were two guys she found really hot and wanted my opinion on which one she should approach. So yeah, high school was awesome.
College felt like a new start. No one knew me, and as I had come from a small town, the sheer pool of people had expanded by an incredible degree. I still didn’t even attempt to date my freshman year, but then met a girl I couldn’t stop thinking about in my sophomore year. She had come to a party my roommates were throwing at our apartment. I was being myself and hiding in my room, reading. At some point some drunk asshole stole the CD Binder that was being used for the party music. I emerged from my room and handed over the CDs I had, the first CAKE album being on top. Sandy complimented me on my choice and we talked for a couple hours. We ended up chatting for a few weeks and had a date. It was going well. Sandy was older and was getting heavy into her Architecture major, and I knew she had a HUGE final coming up. I wanted to do something nice, so I got some flowers and a few small gifts to give her when she came back from the test. I waited outside her sorority dorm. It turned out Sandy didn’t come straight back, so I waited for an hour and a half. The sorority sisters deemed me stalker material. Sandy called me a few hours later and asked me not to come back anymore. Flowers and gifts went in the trash. I tried one more time the next year, but found out she was just using me to make her long distance BF back home jealous and had zero intentions of progressing the relationship. Needless to say, I was done. For the next four years I just went to school, or worked and did my own thing.
At 24, i was playing an MMORPG, Everquest, and met a woman. We clicked instantly. We chatted for months and started phoning each other. Jan was several states away but we connected emotionally. After 8 months of talking I visited her for a couple days. I took some time off from work and went to her town. We went to parks, restaurants, the zoo, just had fun. I didn’t stay at her house because she had a young daughter and we wanted to avoid concerning the family about strange out of state visitor in the house. Also, Jan was 12 years older than me. I didn’t care though, I fell hard. I tried to plan another visit 2 months later, but got denied hard. Much prodding and digging had me discover there was a husband at home, not just a daughter. Jan wasn’t a single mom. I was devastated. I actually tracked down her husband and sent him an email to his work account explaining everything. I even gave him all my contact info. I cut off all communications with her, blocked her number and ignored all her characters in the game. To this day I don’t know what happened after that. He never called me. If he had shown up in person to beat me up I probably would have let him.
I go another three years just doing my thing, not even looking for romance. Because of my personality and awkwardness, I never went to bars, parties or concerts. I’ve never even consumed enough alcohol to get a buzz. I don’t do any drugs or smoke. I’m just the most boring plain guy ever. My roommates at the time finally talked me into checking out a dating site, and after a few weeks of looking I saw a girl from my hometown, about 30 min away from my current residence. Nikky was 21, I was 27. I assumed with the age gap there was no chance, but I sent her a message anyway. She answered me the same day. We chatted for hours. Then weeks. We eventually met in person and I gave her a kiss on the cheek when I left. We started dating for real, and I would drive to my home town to pick her up as her car was old and sketchy. Four months in, Nikky stayed at my place for the night, for the first time. Right at the two year mark I asked her to marry me.
We had a small wedding at my hometown church. I was building my first house at the time. Our financial start ended up being hell. I was one of the first casualties of the 2008 housing market crash. The mortgage company I was with went bankrupt before the house was finished. It was on family land and I couldn’t just walk away, so I ended up taking a loan that was 800 dollars more a month than my original loan was going to be, so we started off our marriage in financial stress and turmoil. We both ended up getting two jobs in an attempt to stay afloat money wise. My main job was a computer tech for a government entity, and I got a second job in a shoe store(cue married with children theme). Nikky worked in the cafeteria for my main job and then a fast food place for her second job. We both ended up working weekends, but I did my absolute best to spend time with her. No matter how tired I was, if I was home first I would make dinner and clean up some. Unfortunately our differences in personality started to come out hard. I’m honestly not sure how we made it through dating without it becoming an issue, but we were polar opposites. She liked to party, drink and go to concerts, all things I seemed to be genetically against. Our schedules were so different, if Nikky asked to go drink with friends or go to a concert, I said ok. I didn’t want her sitting at home simply because I was working. Maybe because I was younger, maybe because no one in my “family” circle had ever hurt me, I never saw any red flags. We did our thing, still had sex frequently and were just going along. Finances were terrible, and Nikky often complained about not doing things like when we were dating, but I could barely afford gas in my car. We had a few small fights, but things seemed to be getting better. One night, Nikky had asked if she could go drinking at her friend’s house. I was working super late at my second job that night preparing for the holidays so i said ok. Nikky calls around 1 AM and asks if its ok if she sleeps over, because she is too drunk to drive, unless I want to come get her. I was extremely tired and suffering from sleep apnea, so I said that was ok. I think nothing of it and go to work the next day. While at my first job, I realize I misread my schedule for the second job and will have to work that night. I text her and let her know. At the end of my first job but before going to the second one, I decided to try out this Myspace account Nikky had set up for me. I go to log in, and realize Nikky is still logged into it from the last time she visited me at work. As soon as it comes up, there is a message thread where she is discussing with her best friend’s ex boyfriend about how much she enjoyed the sex last night, and it was a shame she had come home early because it turned out i was now working late after all. I had no chill, I flipped my shit. I was devastated. I called my second job and told them there was an emergency and I couldn’t make it. I drove straight home and charged into the house like a bull. I verbally unloaded on her for probably 15 minutes. I’m not sure I have ever been so angry in my life. Nikky just stood there like a deer in the headlights, never said a word. I raged, I seethed, I put many knuckle imprints in our metal front door. Oh, I forgot to mention. While never super in shape, I’m a big guy. 6’4”, 260lbs. I was offensive line material in high school and college. I broke shit, but I never touched her. When I finally exhausted enough rage to stop moving. Nikky very, very calmly said that it was just a sexting chat, she hadn’t actually done anything, and asked what I wanted her to do. I told her to go to her parents house, because I couldn’t be in the same house with her. She grabbed some clothes and left immediately. I knew her story was BS. That wasn’t a sexting chat, they were actively talking about what they did. In detail. We stayed separated for two weeks. During that time, both families, mine and hers worked me over hard to give her a second chance. Maybe our families are strange for modern times, but there were NO divorces, on either side. The arguments from her family held little sway for me, but my mom had a sit down with me and we talked for hours. She didn’t tell me to take her back, but said she believed everyone deserves a second chance.
I eventually let her come back. I had no resources like this subreddit back then. From reading stuff here, I realize now that Nikky was love bombing me. We went to marriage counseling, both with a professional therapist and my pastor. Things seemed really good for about 8 months. Nikky let me check her phone any time I wanted and I had all her passwords for everything. She changed jobs to be away from the other guy and I never saw her texting or calling anyone strange. It was about this time she asked if she could bring over some friends from work. This way Nikky could hang out, but it would be in our home where I can see what’s going on. Feeling a little guilty for having her on lockdown I agreed. Enter my new nemesis. Two girls and two guys came over. One of them in particular just……wrankled me for the moment I saw him. He never did anything funny while at the house, but he had a….smirk he would give me. It was oily, and I disliked him instantly. For all the Idiocracy fans out there, I’ll call him Carl’s Jr. For the next few weeks, any time she talked about her friends, it was brought to me by Carl’s Jr. Nikky mentioned him. ALOT. I informed her it made me uncomfortable. She quit mentioning him and became moody. One Friday, Nikky informed me she was going to a bar, it had been long enough to prove she was on the up and up. I volunteered to be the DD and go with her. This is the first time I’ve ever forced the issue. She reluctantly agrees, and heads to the bathroom to get ready. I can hear furious clicking as she texts. We got to the bar. Surprise, no one shows up. Nikky drinks for 2 hours, talking to random people and finally says her friends just didn’t show, how odd. Even shit faced drunk, she made sure to delete all her texting that night. I know, I checked. I spent the next few days letting her rest mentally, I didn’t accuse her of anything or try to be nosey. She has to go to the hospital for an auto immune issue. It's genetic. I leave work early to go visit her. Carl’s Jr. is already there and leaves quickly when I arrive earlier than expected. I see that Nikky has a new tattoo on her leg. I hadn’t seen it before, she must have been working hard to keep it covered around me. It looks like a puzzle piece has been cut out of her leg. I don’t comment on it, and she covers it quickly when she thinks I’m not looking. I did some social media digging that night, specifically Carl’s Jr’s page. He has a picture of a new tattoo he has. It's a puzzle piece that looks like it has been sewn onto his leg. At this point I’m just numb. I’m realizing the last 8 months have been a mistake. Even though we were “reconciling”, sex had dropped off to almost nothing. I had a hard time engaging with her and not picturing her with the guy from before. It was a good anti-viagra. Despite all this, I wanted more proof before I pulled the trigger on divorce. I was naive, and still loved her. I didn’t want to think, after all my early failures in romance, that my marriage wouldn’t even make the 2 year mark. The next day at my main job, I used all my knowledge, of networking, coding and of her to get into her myspace account and email accounts. Everything was clean. Super clean. I’ve deleted everything ever clean. No spam, no sent, no deleted, no inbox. Clean. A little bit later I remember an email account she had when we first met. I managed to get into it by answering all her security questions. It's spotless clean too, except for one email in the deleted folder. It's a message for setting up a Gmail account. Nikky had made an account I didn’t know about, almost a month before. Since it was tied to this yahoo account, I was able to get into it. I honestly expected tons of back and forth between her and Carl’s Jr. Instead, what I found was PAGES of emails, between her and her….UNCLE. Dirty, nasty sex talks. Him asking her to do some pretty sordid things next time he visited the state, and come home and kiss me without me knowing what she had been up to. Nikky had told him…..yes.
I didn’t rage this time. I was just….numb. I was angry, but not enough to show it. I was sad, I still had love for her, and my idea of us, but none of it was real. I made copies of everything in her email chain. I sent a set of these copies to her Dad, so he could see what his brother had been getting up to with Nikky. I tracked down her uncle in virginia, and found his wife. I sent copies of the emails and an explanation of what I had found to every account I could find. I even printed them out and mailed them to her office. A couple days later all his online presence and hers were deleted. I have no idea if things went pear shaped for him or if he gas lit her hard enough to save his marriage.
I packed all of Nikky’s clothes I could fit in two suitcases and had them sitting at the front door. When she came home that afternoon, I also had the emails printed out and sitting on the suitcases. She stared at it for a long time, not speaking. She didn’t even try to pick it up and read it. Nikky knew what it was. I told her she had an hour to get out. I didn’t care if it was her parent’s house or elsewhere, she had to leave, and I was going to divorce her. Nikky started crying then. She tried to hug me, saying she could explain. I refused, I wouldn’t let her touch me. She gave up after a few minutes and made a phone call. Wouldn’t you know it? Carl’s Jr. was there to get her within 20 minutes.
Over the next couple weeks, I learned more than I cared to. A lot of her “evening” shifts at the fastfood place were actually spent at Carl’s Jr’s trailer. Several….I wouldn’t call them friends, but acquaintances were happy to let me know that they knew she was cheating, but didn’t want to ruin the marriage and tell me? Fck off. I would like to say I took the high road and the divorce was quick. We lived in a no fault state, but it required separation time. During this period, her autoimmune issue started acting up. I had already kicked her off my insurance and she ended up in a bad way. She was still married to me, so no assistance programs would help with her medical bills as my income was still counted against her. Once she called me stating that, I drug out the divorce even further. It wasn’t till I met my current wife, and SHE asked me to have mercy, that I finally finished the divorce after two years. There are still things that happened after the divorce, but I will save there for an update…maybe.

Hey y’all, I went last year, day one survivor that decided to make the trek back out for day 3. I’m also an experienced concert and festival goer, so here’s what I did and what I suggest from last year.

1. Any sort of hydration backpack is highly recommended, you are in the desert, even if it’s not super hot, it is super dry, definitely good to drink as much water as possible while you’re there. A have a “lunchbox” and it worked great.
   
2. You will have to make sacrifices, some of the bands you want to see may be playing at the same time, and with the amount of people at this festival, it’s not as easy to get around from stage to stage. When the set times drop, definitely use the app to get a better sense of everything.
   
3. On that topic, if GA Pit is even remotely the same as it was last year, it will take hours to get into it. For those who don’t know, GA pit was basically a blocked off section within the first 100ft of the main stages. Basically if you like to get close, you have to go in early and commit to staying there. If you leave and try to come back, the lines are super long. I sat in it around 4pm last year and it took 2hrs about.
   
4. I hope it’s different this year, but last year GA pit did not have a water station. Plan accordingly.
   
5. Bring a portable charger, you will be taking videos, pics, going on your phone in between sets. I brought in my massive brick of a charger last year.
   
6. On that same topic, reception fucking sucks. If you’re going with a group of people, and y’all wanna split up for certain sets, make sure y’all know where youll meet up at certain times.
   
7. Vegas is a literal desert, which means it’s dry and sunny as fuck. Bring chapstick, stay hydrated, and for love of god, apply sunscreen multiple times. A cheap pair of sunglasses also make a huge difference. There is very little places for shade.
   
8. The food at the festival was actually way better then I thought it would be, so don’t be afraid to wait in lines and eat some stuff, I had the veggie burgers and really enjoyed them. If you don’t wanna eat at the festival, Sahara actually has a small little cafe that sells pizza bread that is incredible. (Might be effected by strike.)
   
9. Talk to the people around you. I met so many incredible people from all around the world. I know (falling into stereotypes) that is emo kids are super shy and introverted, but you already have something in common with them. You might just make lifelong friends.
   
10. Go to the sideshows and other activities around the festival. Emo Nite apparently puts on a great club show, there is emo karaoke, and even walking around the hotels (especially if you’re at the Sahara,) there is a TON of use just hanging out. It truly felt like home to me. (You might just meet your next MySpace GF.) This was all stuff I wish I did last year.
    
11. On how to dress, obviously every year is different with weather. I wore a basketball jersey and skinny jeans and did great the whole day. But this the exact outfit is what I wear to every concert. I kept a shirt in my bag incase I got cold, but didn’t need it. My female friend wore a crop top and tights and said she felt great the whole day.
    
12. This one goes out to all my newer to festivals people. The crowd will move, you’ll get pushed side to side, it may feel uncomfortable buts that’s just normal. You may get knocked over, the person next to you may get knocked over, take care of each other and pick each other up. And a tip, a mosh pit usually forms in the dead center of the crowd, and it’s usually started by a couple big guys messing with each other. Don’t wanna be involved in it? Move, or don’t be the person who tries to stop it.
    
13. Buy merch at the pop up the day before if you can, it will make your life so much easier. But if it’s anything like last year, the merch is not great quality.
    
14. NO CASH, don’t bring anything you don’t need, highly suggest to not bring a wallet at all. I just had my phone, credit card, ID and room key on me, and it was all I needed, and kept it all but my phone in my backpack. (The pockets only face inwards, so someone trying to sneak into my bag is close to impossible.)
    
15. If you’ve never been to Vegas, the strip is a lot bigger then you might think. I highly suggest grabbing a taxi/ Uber and tell them that you don’t care about seeing the strip. (It’ll be cheaper.) The monorail is a another great option, and offer a full day pass. Definitely plan out where you want to go on the strip, don’t just wing it. All that being said, they are setting up for F1 right now, so a lot of stuff will be shut down.
    
16. Lastly, and not to sound like every teacher you’ve had, but HAVE FUN. Anxiety, stress, bullshit, that all goes away when your favorite band comes on. You’re surrounded by 60,000 + other emo kids, and there’s a good chance they feel the same way. Just do you, and remember to enjoy yourself.
    

That’s about the gist of everything I can think of, but if you have questions, feel free to ask.
I won’t be making it this year, but I already have tickets for Sick New World. Have fun my dudes.

I have spent quite some time and still want to learn. I've done self paced apps for swift playgrounds, python, and java. I can get the first few lessons down, but then it suddenly jumps (like 7 small building block principle, 8 welcome to advanced processes regarding extrapolation theory....not literally) several levels and makes zero since.
I self taught and found out how-tos when I was homeschooled and playing with html on Myspace for all kinds of stuff. Learned my code was cluttered. Saw the before and after someone helped it be better. I learned that certain things I get and learn more as I go about why are listed the way they are. Like layers of an onion.
Not these. Went to apple store for swift playgrounds for help and none of the people there knew coding, not even when I scheduled it. The web said schedule time at your local store if you have trouble and we will be glad to help.
For instance, I get "if"statements and "true/false" just fine. Shortly after learning how to write the code and rock it. Now I have five more symbols and no further assistance on the next chapter.
Am I nuts. Am I missing something. Am I going to need to go to college to learn code. Once learnt, I can turnt it up...(sorry, but it was punny). Once I learn it, I can self teach the others. Perle is unique but not hard? Html and html3 are not that drastically different? Python, java are not hard languages?
Just trying to get a reality check of sorts. Any tips to get further than this? More free = more desired. I understand some investment may be needed, but where, perhaps?