Nationals @ Phillies - Sat, May 18

Game Status: Pre-Game - First Pitch is scheduled for 06:05 PM EDT

Links & Info

• Current conditions at Citizens Bank Park: 64°F - Rain - Wind 3 mph, Out To LF
• TV: Nationals: MASN, Phillies: NBCSP
• Radio: Nationals: La Pantera 100.7 FM/1220 AM (es), DC 87.7 (es), 106.7 The Fan, Phillies: WTTM 1680 (es), 94 WIP
• MLB Gameday
• Statcast Game Preview

NLE Rank	Team	W	L	GB (E#)	WC Rank	WC GB (E#)
1	Philadelphia Phillies	32	14	- (-)	-	- (-)
2	Atlanta Braves	26	15	3.5 (116)	1	+6.0 (-)
3	Washington Nationals	20	23	10.5 (108)	5	1.0 (117)
4	New York Mets	20	24	11.0 (107)	7	1.5 (116)
5	Miami Marlins	14	32	18.0 (99)	12	8.5 (108)

	Probable Pitcher (Season Stats)	Report
Nationals	MacKenzie Gore (2-4, 3.38 ERA, 40.0 IP)	No report posted.
Phillies	Cristopher Sánchez (2-3, 3.43 ERA, 42.0 IP)	No report posted.

Nationals Lineup vs. Sánchez, C	AVG	OPS	AB	HR	RBI	K
1 Abrams - SS	.250	.500	8	0	0	2
2 Vargas, I - 2B	.333	.889	9	0	2	0
3 Meneses - DH	.455	.910	11	0	3	2
4 Senzel - 3B	.333	.666	3	0	0	1
5 Adams, R - C	.400	1.000	5	0	2	1
6 Gallo - 1B	.000	.200	4	0	0	1
7 Robles - RF	.000	.200	4	0	0	0
8 Winker - LF	.000	.000	3	0	0	0
9 Young - CF	.500	1.167	2	0	0	0
10 Gore - P	-	-	-	-	-	-

Phillies Lineup vs. Gore	AVG	OPS	AB	HR	RBI	K
1 Schwarber - DH	.222	.639	9	0	0	4
2 Realmuto - C	.250	.833	12	1	2	4
3 Harper - 1B	.286	.715	14	0	2	3
4 Bohm - 3B	.300	.964	10	1	3	3
5 Stott - 2B	.000	.000	2	0	0	0
6 Castellanos, N - RF	.385	1.231	13	2	3	1
7 Sosa, E - SS	.429	1.357	7	1	2	2
8 Pache - LF	.250	.750	4	0	1	1
9 Rojas - CF	.500	1.000	2	0	1	0
10 Sánchez, C - P	-	-	-	-	-	-

Division Scoreboard

NYM 7 @ MIA 2 - End 5
SD @ ATL 07:15 PM EDT
^{Last Updated: 05/18/2024 05:41:15 PM EDT}

I sat down and watched the Godfathers this past week and it's gotten me into watching movies from the 70s, which is a fantastic decade for movies.
Last night I watched Thief with Jimmy Caan and loved it.
What I love about Thief and the Godfather is that they're protrayed as like a visual novel where they don't dumb anything down so much and you have to pay attention to what's going on and work things out in your head. I ADORE movies like that. Honestly I can't watch anything from any decade that isn't some sort of mystery that keeps me guessing. Anything besides that is too boring (like reality TV).
I also just really dig the 70s era. There's something about them, how they're kind of dirty looking, how they don't pull any punches, they feel raw and real (like the scene in Thief where James Caan is talking to his girlfriend about his experience in prison and it was so incredibly believable the way he delivered it).
I'm looking for something along those lines of raw and gritty (I hate that word but it fits) and something I need to pay attention to.
I've looked at several posts like mine on Reddit and some articles of best 70s movies and I think I have an idea of some I'd like to watch.
I'm about to start Dog Day Afternoon.
I've seen The Conversation (loved it)
I would love any suggestions! Thank you.

Athletics @ Royals - Sat, May 18

Game Status: Pre-Game - First Pitch is scheduled for 06:10 PM CDT

Links & Info

• Current conditions at Kauffman Stadium: 88°F - Clear - Wind 9 mph, Out To CF
• TV: Athletics: NBCSCA, Royals: Bally Sports Kansas City
• Radio: Athletics: Bloomberg 960 AM/103.7 HD2, A's Cast, Royals: KCSP 610
• MLB Gameday
• Statcast Game Preview

ALC Rank	Team	W	L	GB (E#)	WC Rank	WC GB (E#)
1	Cleveland Guardians	28	17	- (-)	-	- (-)
2	Kansas City Royals	27	19	1.5 (116)	2	+2.0 (-)
3	Minnesota Twins	24	20	3.5 (115)	3	- (-)
4	Detroit Tigers	22	22	5.5 (113)	6	2.0 (117)
5	Chicago White Sox	14	32	14.5 (103)	12	11.0 (107)

	Probable Pitcher (Season Stats)	Report
Athletics	Ross Stripling (1-7, 4.98 ERA, 47.0 IP)	No report posted.
Royals	Seth Lugo (6-1, 1.66 ERA, 59.2 IP)	No report posted.

Athletics Lineup vs. Lugo, S	AVG	OPS	AB	HR	RBI	K
1 Toro - 3B	-	-	-	-	-	-
2 Bleday - CF	.000	.000	0	0	1	0
3 Rooker - DH	.333	1.666	3	1	1	1
4 Langeliers - C	.250	1.250	4	1	1	1
5 Soderstrom - 1B	-	-	-	-	-	-
6 Gelof - 2B	.333	.666	3	0	0	2
7 Brown, S - RF	.000	.000	4	0	0	1
8 Schuemann - SS	-	-	-	-	-	-
9 Ruiz, E - LF	1.000	2.000	2	0	0	0
10 Stripling - P	-	-	-	-	-	-

Royals Lineup vs. Stripling	AVG	OPS	AB	HR	RBI	K
1 Garcia, M - 3B	-	-	-	-	-	-
2 Witt Jr. - SS	.000	.000	3	0	0	0
3 Pasquantino - 1B	.000	.000	1	0	0	0
4 Perez, S - C	.286	1.429	7	2	4	2
5 Massey - DH	.000	.000	1	0	0	1
6 Velázquez - RF	-	-	-	-	-	-
7 Melendez - LF	.333	.666	3	0	0	0
8 Frazier - 2B	.833	1.833	6	0	2	0
9 Isbel - CF	.000	.000	3	0	0	0
10 Lugo, S - P	-	-	-	-	-	-

Division Scoreboard

CWS 1 @ NYY 6 - Final
MIN @ CLE 05:10 PM CDT
DET @ AZ 07:10 PM CDT
^{Posted: 05/18/2024 04:10:01 PM CDT}

Pirates @ Cubs - Sat, May 18

Game Status: Final - Score: 1-0 Cubs

Links & Info

• MLB Gameday
• Game Graphs
• Savant Gamefeed

	Pirates Batters	AB	R	H	RBI	BB	K	LOB	AVG	OBP	SLG
1	McCutchen - DH	3	0	0	0	1	1	0	.208	.318	.369
2	Reynolds, B - LF	4	0	1	0	0	1	1	.254	.340	.411
3	Joe - 1B	4	0	0	0	0	1	2	.288	.355	.489
4	Olivares - RF	4	0	1	0	0	2	1	.237	.295	.423
	Suwinski - RF	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	.168	.252	.275
5	Gonzales, N - 2B	4	0	0	0	0	2	1	.233	.250	.467
6	Triolo - 3B	3	0	1	0	0	2	0	.204	.292	.259
7	Bart - C	3	0	1	0	0	0	0	.235	.350	.451
8	Taylor, M - CF	3	0	0	0	0	1	2	.216	.264	.279
9	Williams - SS	3	0	0	0	0	2	0	.232	.259	.321
	Totals	31	0	4	0	1	12	7

Pirates
BATTING: TB: Bart; Olivares; Reynolds, B; Triolo. Runners left in scoring position, 2 out: Taylor, M. Team RISP: 0-for-1. Team LOB: 5.
FIELDING: Outfield assists: Olivares (Wisdom at 2nd base). DP: (Williams-Gonzales, N-Joe).

	Cubs Batters	AB	R	H	RBI	BB	K	LOB	AVG	OBP	SLG
1	Wisdom - 1B	4	0	1	0	0	1	3	.289	.386	.579
	Amaya - C	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	.187	.248	.297
2	Suzuki, S - RF	4	0	0	0	0	0	0	.270	.330	.461
3	Bellinger - CF	4	1	2	0	0	1	0	.264	.342	.488
4	Morel, C - 3B	3	0	1	1	1	0	1	.217	.300	.416
5	Tauchman - DH	3	0	0	0	0	1	1	.257	.375	.407
6	Happ - LF	2	0	0	0	1	0	0	.213	.330	.310
7	Madrigal - 2B	3	0	1	0	0	0	0	.227	.284	.267
8	Mastrobuoni - SS	3	0	0	0	0	0	2	.135	.238	.162
9	Gomes - C	2	0	0	0	0	0	0	.182	.191	.288
	a-Busch - 1B	0	0	0	0	1	0	0	.250	.331	.465
	Totals	28	1	5	1	3	3	7

Cubs
a-Walked for Gomes in the 8th.
BATTING: 2B: Bellinger (6, Bednar). TB: Bellinger 3; Madrigal; Morel, C; Wisdom. RBI: Morel, C (32). Runners left in scoring position, 2 out: Wisdom 2. GIDP: Tauchman. Team RISP: 1-for-3. Team LOB: 5.

Pirates Pitchers	IP	H	R	ER	BB	K	HR	P-S	ERA
Falter	7.2	3	0	0	2	2	0	83-55	3.53
Holderman	0.1	0	0	0	1	1	0	9-5	0.73
Bednar (L, 2-3)	0.1	2	1	1	0	0	0	13-9	8.31
Totals	8.1	5	1	1	3	3	0

Cubs Pitchers	IP	H	R	ER	BB	K	HR	P-S	ERA
Imanaga	7.0	4	0	0	1	7	0	88-68	0.84
Leiter Jr.	1.0	0	0	0	0	3	0	16-9	0.95
Neris (W, 4-0)	1.0	0	0	0	0	2	0	12-9	2.65
Totals	9.0	4	0	0	1	12	0

Game Info
Pitches-strikes: Falter 83-55; Holderman 9-5; Bednar 13-9; Imanaga 88-68; Leiter Jr. 16-9; Neris 12-9.
Groundouts-flyouts: Falter 8-8; Holderman 0-0; Bednar 0-1; Imanaga 9-5; Leiter Jr. 0-0; Neris 0-1.
Batters faced: Falter 26; Holderman 2; Bednar 3; Imanaga 26; Leiter Jr. 3; Neris 3.
Inherited runners-scored: Holderman 2-0.
Umpires: HP: Chris Conroy. 1B: Charlie Ramos. 2B: Brennan Miller. 3B: Brian O'Nora.
Weather: 82 degrees, Partly Cloudy.
Wind: 9 mph, R To L.
First pitch: 1:19 PM.
T: 2:10.
Att: 39,857.
Venue: Wrigley Field.
May 18, 2024

Inning	Scoring Play	Score
Bottom 9	Pirates challenged (tag play), call on the field was upheld: Christopher Morel singles on a line drive to center fielder Michael A. Taylor. Cody Bellinger scores. Christopher Morel to 2nd.	1-0 CHC

Team	Highlight
CHC	Shota Imanaga fans Connor Joe (00:00:12)
CHC	Miles Mastrobuoni's smooth backhanded play (00:00:24)
CHC	Seiya Suzuki's running grab (00:00:13)
PIT	Pirates nab Patrick Wisdom at second base (00:00:26)
PIT	Bailey Falter K's Cody Bellinger (00:00:06)
PIT	Colin Holderman escapes a bases-loaded jam (00:00:14)
CHC	Shota Imanaga's seven-strikeout performance (00:01:07)
PIT	Pirates catch Ian Happ in a rundown (00:00:34)
CHC	Christopher Morel's walk-off single (00:00:30)
CHC	Cody Bellinger's ground-rule double (00:00:24)

	1	2	3	4	5	6	7	8	9		R	H	E	LOB
Pirates	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	0		0	4	0	5
Cubs	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	1		1	5	0	5

Decisions

• Winner: Héctor Neris (4-0, 2.65)
• Loser: David Bednar (2-3, 8.31)

Division Scoreboard

MIL @ HOU 07:10 PM EDT
BOS @ STL 07:15 PM EDT
CIN @ LAD 09:10 PM EDT
Next Pirates Game: Sun, May 19, 02:20 PM EDT @ Cubs
^{Last Updated: 05/18/2024 05:07:28 PM EDT}

Anybody else try warm compresses?
I have only done it a couple times since Lasik, but today I had been watching TV in a dark room for 3+ hours. I had very slight halos around a couple lights. I decided to grab my clean washcloth, soak it then wring it out with hot water from my sink, and layed it on my eyelids while I listened to a show. A little over 10 minutes later I took it off, and then gently used it to clean my eyelids and eyelashes. Sat back down and zero halos and my eyes feel a ton better.

There was a fic where during the Triwizard Tournament, somehow Harry gets to know that Victor Krum secretly donates to hospitals and stuff. So, inspired by this he also donates and gives away many toys to the children (I think it could've been from the lots of gifts he was sent as a child that he never got to use). He did this from the Potter vaults along with Sirius (who was exonerated by then I think) and because of the huge amount, this caught the attention of the media- both muggle and magical. He and Sirius were then interviewed by the muggle media where Harry revealed that he was abused by the Dursleys due to which he donated so much to the orphanages. He also 'accidentally' revealed the address of the Dursleys, which led to many witches and wizards going and cursing them.
Now this fic could be a time-travelling Harry (reptilia challenge kind) with H/Hr as I think it might have been a Granger family reunion or something where Hermione saw that Harry was on TV as a young Lord. I think she also had a poster or painting of Harry with the sword of Gryffindor as he killed or defeated the dragon in 1st task. and also a still picture of the yule ball to show her family of muggles.
I've read too many fics with these tropes that it's all muddled up, but one thing I remember clearly is Harry on TV revealing Dursley's abuse.
Any help is appreciated. Thanks!

White Sox @ Yankees - Sat, May 18

Game Status: Final - Score: 6-1 Yankees

Links & Info

• MLB Gameday
• Game Graphs
• Savant Gamefeed

	White Sox Batters	AB	R	H	RBI	BB	K	LOB	AVG	OBP	SLG
1	Pham - CF	4	1	2	0	0	1	0	.346	.386	.500
2	Sheets - RF	4	0	2	0	0	1	1	.244	.346	.405
3	Vaughn - 1B	4	0	0	0	0	3	3	.207	.264	.317
4	Jiménez, E - DH	4	0	1	0	0	1	3	.218	.274	.371
5	Benintendi - LF	4	0	1	1	0	1	1	.196	.224	.285
6	DeJong - SS	3	0	0	0	1	2	1	.236	.282	.439
7	Lee, K - C	4	0	0	0	0	3	3	.291	.322	.465
8	Lopez, N - 2B	3	0	0	0	0	2	0	.195	.264	.212
9	Mendick - 3B	3	0	0	0	0	2	0	.217	.250	.348
	Totals	33	1	6	1	1	16	12

White Sox
BATTING: 2B: Benintendi (5, Gil); Pham (6, Gil). TB: Benintendi 2; Jiménez, E; Pham 3; Sheets 2. RBI: Benintendi (15). 2-out RBI: Benintendi. Runners left in scoring position, 2 out: Sheets; Lee, K 2. Team RISP: 1-for-5. Team LOB: 6.
FIELDING: E: DeJong (7, throw).

	Yankees Batters	AB	R	H	RBI	BB	K	LOB	AVG	OBP	SLG
1	Volpe - SS	5	0	1	0	0	1	2	.270	.343	.427
2	Soto, J - RF	4	2	4	3	1	0	0	.317	.414	.561
3	Judge - CF	4	0	1	0	1	3	6	.266	.405	.568
4	Verdugo - LF	4	1	0	0	0	2	5	.244	.322	.397
5	Stanton - DH	3	1	2	2	1	0	0	.258	.309	.530
6	Rizzo - 1B	4	0	0	0	0	2	3	.250	.316	.398
7	Torres - 2B	4	0	0	0	0	2	2	.218	.294	.287
8	Trevino - C	4	1	1	1	0	1	0	.286	.330	.464
9	Berti - 3B	2	1	0	0	2	0	0	.250	.313	.250
	Totals	34	6	9	6	5	11	18

Yankees

BATTING: 2B: Stanton (8, Keller, B); Volpe (7, Soroka). HR: Soto, J 2 (11, 1st inning off Keller, B, 0 on, 1 out, 5th inning off Keller, B, 0 on, 0 out); Trevino (5, 2nd inning off Keller, B, 0 on, 1 out); Stanton (11, 3rd inning off Keller, B, 0 on, 1 out). TB: Judge; Soto, J 10; Stanton 6; Trevino 4; Volpe 2. RBI: Soto, J 3 (37); Stanton 2 (26); Trevino (15). 2-out RBI: Stanton; Soto, J. Runners left in scoring position, 2 out: Rizzo; Judge 2; Torres; Verdugo 2. Team RISP: 1-for-8. Team LOB: 9.

White Sox Pitchers	IP	H	R	ER	BB	K	HR	P-S	ERA
Keller, B (L, 0-2)	4.0	7	6	5	1	4	4	84-56	4.86
Soroka	4.0	2	0	0	4	7	0	82-47	5.85
Totals	8.0	9	6	5	5	11	4

Yankees Pitchers	IP	H	R	ER	BB	K	HR	P-S	ERA
Gil (W, 5-1)	6.0	5	1	1	1	14	0	98-65	2.39
Burdi	2.0	1	0	0	0	2	0	28-19	1.04
Santana, D	1.0	0	0	0	0	0	0	6-6	4.34
Totals	9.0	6	1	1	1	16	0

Game Info
WP: Keller, B.
Pitches-strikes: Keller, B 84-56; Soroka 82-47; Gil 98-65; Burdi 28-19; Santana, D 6-6.
Groundouts-flyouts: Keller, B 8-1; Soroka 0-1; Gil 1-1; Burdi 0-4; Santana, D 1-1.
Batters faced: Keller, B 21; Soroka 18; Gil 24; Burdi 7; Santana, D 3.
Inherited runners-scored: Soroka 1-0.
Umpires: HP: Mike Estabrook. 1B: Erich Bacchus. 2B: Tripp Gibson. 3B: Laz Diaz.
Weather: 67 degrees, Partly Cloudy.
Wind: 10 mph, In From LF.
First pitch: 1:08 PM.
T: 2:29.
Att: 43,194.
Venue: Yankee Stadium.
May 18, 2024

Inning	Scoring Play	Score
Top 1	Andrew Benintendi doubles (5) on a pop up to left fielder Alex Verdugo. Tommy Pham scores. Gavin Sheets to 3rd.	1-0 CWS
Bottom 1	Juan Soto homers (10) on a fly ball to right center field.	1-1
Bottom 1	Giancarlo Stanton doubles (8) on a sharp line drive to center fielder Tommy Pham. Alex Verdugo scores.	2-1 NYY
Bottom 2	Jose Trevino homers (5) on a line drive to left field.	3-1 NYY
Bottom 2	Juan Soto singles on a ground ball to right fielder Gavin Sheets. Jon Berti scores.	4-1 NYY
Bottom 3	Giancarlo Stanton homers (11) on a line drive to right center field.	5-1 NYY
Bottom 5	Juan Soto homers (11) on a fly ball to right center field.	6-1 NYY

Team	Highlight
NYY	Juan Soto's 10th home run of the season (00:00:31)
NYY	Giancarlo Stanton's RBI double (00:00:33)
NYY	Jose Trevino's solo home run (5) (00:00:29)
NYY	Giancarlo Stanton's solo home run (11) (00:00:30)
NYY	Juan Soto's second homer of the game (11) (00:00:43)
CWS	Andrew Benintendi's diving catch (00:00:30)
NYY	Luis Gil's career-high 14-strikeout performance (00:02:13)
NYY	Juan Soto's massive game (00:02:13)
NYY	Curtain Call: Luis Gil strikes out 14 batters (00:04:20)
CWS	Condensed Game: CWS@NYY - 5/18/24 (00:08:16)

	1	2	3	4	5	6	7	8	9		R	H	E	LOB
White Sox	1	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	0		1	6	1	6
Yankees	2	2	1	0	1	0	0	0			6	9	0	9

Decisions

• Winner: Luis Gil (5-1, 2.39)
• Loser: Brad Keller (0-2, 4.86)

Division Scoreboard

TB 0 @ TOR 4 - Top 6, 2 Outs
SEA @ BAL BOS @ STL 07:15 PM EDT
Next Yankees Game: Sun, May 19, 01:35 PM EDT vs. White Sox
^{Last Updated: 05/18/2024 04:34:27 PM EDT}

San Diego Padres (23-24) @ Atlanta Braves (26-15) Saturday May, 18 4:15 PM

Pick-The-Stick Top 10

Sign up at Pick-The-Stick.com. Be sure to get your picks in before the first pitch.

Rank	User	Points	Total Picks	Position Change
1	Savvmcnasty	143	45	0
2	nickgarver	133	46	0
3	Dagalag	130	42	0
4	enginedown	128	46	+1
4	jsparbs	128	46	0
6	Lingererrrrrrr	125	46	0
7	Edoz10	125	45	0
8	bag_of_bricks	125	40	0
9	Swarley	124	46	0
10	kat	123	46	0

Team	TV	Radio
SD	FOX	KWFN 97.3,XEMO 860 (es)
ATL	FOX	680 AM/93.7 FM The Fan

Starting Pitchers

Team	Pitcher	Record	ERA	IP	H	ER	BB	SO	WHIP
	Yu Darvish	3-1	2.43	40.2	28	11	12	37	0.98
	Bryce Elder	1-1	4.79	20.2	26	11	8	16	1.65

Starting Lineups - Season Stats

#	Player	Pos.	Avg	AB	H	2B	HR	RBI		#	Player	Pos.	Avg	AB	H	2B	HR	RBI
1	Luis Arraez	2B	.299	137	41	8	0	5		1	Ronald Acuña	RF	.247	158	39	6	3	11
2	Fernando Tatis	RF	.257	179	46	6	8	22		2	Ozzie Albies	2B	.279	136	38	10	3	19
3	Jurickson Profar	LF	.325	157	51	8	7	30		3	Marcell Ozuna	DH	.325	151	49	7	12	41
4	Jake Cronenworth	1B	.275	167	46	10	7	28		4	Matt Olson	1B	.227	150	34	9	5	23
5	Manny Machado	3B	.217	166	36	5	5	23		5	Orlando Arcia	SS	.243	152	37	12	4	15
6	Xander Bogaerts	DH	.220	182	40	6	4	13		6	Michael Harris	CF	.258	163	42	6	4	15
7	Jackson Merrill	CF	.294	143	42	4	3	17		7	Zack Short	3B	.308	13	4	2	0	2
8	Luis Campusano	C	.267	135	36	10	3	24		8	Jarred Kelenic	LF	.255	94	24	4	2	7
9	Ha-Seong Kim	SS	.205	161	33	4	5	21		9	Chadwick Tromp	C	.211	38	8	4	0	6

Mets @ Marlins - Sat, May 18

Game Status: In Progress - Score: 7-2 Mets

End of the 5th with Pete Alonso, Brandon Nimmo, and J.D. Martinez due up for the Mets

Links & Info

• Current conditions at loanDepot park: 72°F - Roof Closed - Wind 0 mph, None
• TV: Mets: WPIX, Marlins: Bally Sports Florida
• Radio: Mets: WINS 92.3 FM HD2 (es), WCBS 880, Marlins: WAQI 710 (es), FOX Sports 940AM (WINZ)
• MLB Gameday
• Game Graphs
• Savant Gamefeed

	Mets Batters	AB	R	H	RBI	BB	K	LOB	AVG	OBP	SLG
1	Lindor - SS	3	1	0	1	0	1	3	.192	.268	.356
2	Alonso - 1B	3	0	1	0	0	1	1	.228	.307	.456
3	Nimmo - LF	2	2	0	0	0	0	2	.212	.360	.391
4	Martinez, J - DH	3	0	1	1	0	1	1	.310	.355	.451
5	Vientos - 3B	2	1	2	1	1	0	0	.368	.429	.632
6	Marte, S - RF	2	1	1	0	0	0	1	.257	.306	.365
7	Bader - CF	3	1	1	2	0	2	3	.278	.321	.333
8	McNeil - 2B	3	1	2	2	0	0	3	.240	.316	.312
9	Nido - C	3	0	2	0	0	0	0	.241	.268	.315
	Totals	24	7	10	7	1	5	14

Mets
BATTING: 2B: Vientos (2, Garrett, B). TB: Alonso; Bader; Marte, S; Martinez, J; McNeil 2; Nido 2; Vientos 3. RBI: Bader 2 (10); Lindor (22); Martinez, J (8); McNeil 2 (10); Vientos (4). Runners left in scoring position, 2 out: Alonso; Marte, S; McNeil 2. GIDP: Lindor. Team RISP: 5-for-12. Team LOB: 6.
FIELDING: DP: (Severino, L-McNeil-Alonso).

	Marlins Batters	AB	R	H	RBI	BB	K	LOB	AVG	OBP	SLG
1	Chisholm Jr. - CF	3	1	1	1	0	0	0	.251	.326	.427
2	De La Cruz, B - DH	2	0	0	0	0	1	0	.254	.303	.449
3	Bell - 1B	2	0	0	0	0	0	0	.215	.304	.337
4	Sánchez, J - RF	1	1	0	0	1	1	0	.230	.286	.303
5	Burger - 3B	2	0	0	0	0	0	1	.184	.219	.306
6	Gordon - LF	2	0	2	1	0	0	0	.239	.263	.407
7	Lopez, O - 2B	2	0	0	0	0	0	2	.256	.313	.512
8	Bruján - SS	1	0	0	0	1	0	1	.261	.337	.398
9	Fortes - C	2	0	0	0	0	0	1	.155	.193	.250
	Totals	17	2	3	2	2	2	5

Marlins
BATTING: 2B: Gordon (4, Severino, L). HR: Chisholm Jr. (6, 3rd inning off Severino, L, 0 on, 1 out). TB: Chisholm Jr. 4; Gordon 3. RBI: Chisholm Jr. (22); Gordon (17). Runners left in scoring position, 2 out: Bruján. GIDP: Fortes. Team RISP: 1-for-3. Team LOB: 2.
FIELDING: DP: (Lopez, O-Bruján-Bell).

Mets Pitchers	IP	H	R	ER	BB	K	HR	P-S	ERA
Severino, L	5.0	3	2	2	2	2	1	68-43	3.06
Totals	5.0	3	2	2	2	2	1

Marlins Pitchers	IP	H	R	ER	BB	K	HR	P-S	ERA
Garrett, B	4.1	7	6	6	1	5	0	90-62	10.24
Cronin	0.2	3	1	1	0	0	0	12-10	1.71
Totals	5.0	10	7	7	1	5	0

Inning	Scoring Play	Score
Top 1	J.D. Martinez singles on a sharp line drive to center fielder Jazz Chisholm Jr. Francisco Lindor scores. Brandon Nimmo to 3rd.	1-0 NYM
Top 1	Mark Vientos singles on a ground ball to center fielder Jazz Chisholm Jr. Brandon Nimmo scores. J.D. Martinez to 2nd.	2-0 NYM
Bottom 2	Nick Gordon doubles (4) on a sharp line drive to center fielder Harrison Bader. Jesús Sánchez scores.	2-1 NYM
Bottom 3	Jazz Chisholm Jr. homers (6) on a fly ball to center field.	2-2
Top 4	Francisco Lindor grounds out, third baseman Jake Burger to first baseman Josh Bell. Jeff McNeil scores. Tomás Nido to 2nd.	3-2 NYM
Top 5	Harrison Bader singles on a ground ball to center fielder Jazz Chisholm Jr. Brandon Nimmo scores. Mark Vientos scores. Starling Marte to 2nd.	5-2 NYM
Top 5	Jeff McNeil singles on a ground ball to center fielder Jazz Chisholm Jr. Starling Marte scores. Harrison Bader scores.	7-2 NYM

Team	Highlight
MIA	Visualizing Jazz Chisholm Jr.'s swing using bat tracking technology (00:00:11)
NYM	J.D. Martinez's RBI single (00:00:17)
NYM	Mark Vientos' RBI single (00:00:12)
MIA	Nick Gordon's RBI double (00:00:23)
MIA	Braxton Garrett In play, out(s) to Starling Marte (00:00:10)
MIA	Jazz Chisholm Jr.'s solo homer (6) (00:00:23)
NYM	Francisco Lindor's RBI groundout (00:00:13)
NYM	Harrison Bader's two-run single (00:00:20)
NYM	Jeff McNeil hits a two-run single (00:00:16)

	1	2	3	4	5	6	7	8	9		R	H	E	LOB
Mets	2	0	0	1	4						7	10	0	6
Marlins	0	1	1	0	0						2	3	0	2

Division Scoreboard

WSH @ PHI 06:05 PM EDT
SD @ ATL 07:15 PM EDT
^{Last Updated: 05/18/2024 05:40:29 PM EDT}

TLDR: Best friend came over when I was a few weeks postpartum after having twins, allowed her kid to trash my home, expected me to cook, had me changing her kids etc.
This is just a vent because it was an insane day and I don’t know what to do or think. For context I had a traumatic PP recovery due to losing 1000 mL of blood and contracting several infections. My first weeks were lonely and miserable.
I currently have three month old twins that my best friend had met only twice. The first time she came over they were tiny and she was hurry so she just popped over for a few minutes and then left. BUT when I was about 6 or 7 weeks PP she texted me saying she wanted to visit and that we could do lunch. I thought she meant she was coming over with lunch and that’s we’d go for a walk and that’d be all. What ensued was pure chaos and I haven’t allowed her in my home since.
First off she chose not to bring a stroller for her two year old, she has a “he’ll learn mentality” towards parenting her son. He was all over the place and she was wearing her 6 month old so she “couldn’t” hold his hand so I did it. While pushing my tiny newborn twins and limping along in my sickly postpartum body. Then she tells me she’s not comfortable walking anymore so we head back to my house where she asks me what I’m cooking her for lunch??? Flabbergasted, I told her that since I hadn’t really had time to grocery shop I didn’t really have much. She tells me to make whatever so, with one of my twins swaddled in my arms I cooked her lunch. She didn’t even say thank you or anything. While this is going on she has completely ignored the 2 year old and he has gone fully feral. I know toddlers are goblins so I picked up anything dangerous before she arrived but this kid was like…ripping my entertainment unit doors off and she just sat there smiling at him. At one point her 6 month old started screaming and she just kept watching TV with the 2 year old. Then I’m trying to sooth my little guys and her 2 year old walks by and I mentioned that I thought he may have pooped. She shrugged. So after a few minutes of her not doing anything about it I settled the twins down for their nap and changed him for her. This poor kid had a massive rash and it was clear the diaper hadn’t been changed in HOURS. A short while later, I was sitting on one couch nursing my twins while she let 2 year old climb my furniture and stick his hand in a lamp and grab the HOT bulb with his barehand. And of course he also fell off the couch and his head super hard on the hardwood floors. They stayed for about 5 hours and I was nearly having an anxiety attack by the time she finally left. My partner came home to me crying on the couch with two babies and a destroyed house. I’m possibly overreacting but I felt used and disrespected. Following that day she’s mentioned a few times that I needed to toddler proof my home and wouldn’t it be easier for me to pack up my twins and bring them to her house? Her house that’s absolutely filthy and unsafe due to cat urine and dog feces being left out. She’s my only friend and I feel so lonely in PP so this situation was heartbreaking for me because I thought she’d understand how hard PP is but instead she acted like I was supposed to take care of her kid. I’m so disappointed and sad but I don’t want her in my house anymore.

While watching content from my Nvidia Shield (HDMI) my receiver will randomly change source to CBL/SAT.
The only thing i have plugged into my TV and AVR is HDMI. Have anyone experienced this or had similar issue?

Hi! Long read, but I swear by all the info in this post. I barely post things publicly, but I know this will help someone out there so I owe it to that future nurse! A little about me, I graduated Dec 2023 and I was a pretty decent and involved student, but I wouldn't say I was anywhere close to being the smartest of my 60 student cohort.
On my first attempt, I utilized arc-h3r, Mark K, and the High Yield Podcast on Spotify. I spent all of February averaging at least 4 hours of studying everyday. Got "Very High" chance of passing for 7 straight assessments consecutively (their algorithm claims like a 99% pass rate if you can get 4 "very highs" in a row). I only watched the first and last lecture of Mark K, and I background listened to the High Yield podcast. Come test day, I remember feeling so confident up until I sat down on the test chair, saw the first question and couldn't for the life of me recognize what I was reading. All my test strategies and self-affirmations were thrown out the window as nerves and anxiety got the better of me, and once I passed the 85 question mark, I fully checked out mentally. I rushed through all the remaining questions, left the center in a panic, and cried in my car. Failed at 150 Qs.
Devastated doesn't come close to the utterly defeated feeling I had at this time. Imposter syndrome was crazy and I felt like I had let so many people down. As a first-gen student coming from a family of immigrants, I felt like I had destroyed a future not only for myself but for my family. For anyone reading this who is going through a similar situation, just know every feeling you have is absolutely valid. I encourage you to feel what you feel, cry or scream if that helps, but just remember you can't give up! This journey only ends if you allow it to.
Now, for my comeback All Stars moment: I allowed myself a little under 2 weeks to rest and regroup before I worked my way up again. I can't stress this enough: UWORLD IS YOUR BEST FRIEND. I did the 60 day subscription for like $150ish I think? Sounds pricey, but if you utilize it well, it's a guaranteed life saver. I completed 92% of the test bank, read EVERY rationale (right or wrong), watched each of the lectures, and used their note taking feature. Try to practice a couple questions everyday that isn't a break day. I usually aimed for at least 85 questions each day. I think my overall average was 75%. I took my first self-assessment about 2 weeks before the test, and my 2nd one about 3 days before (got a very high chance of passing for both). I really do think UWorld is pretty similar to the actual NCLEX and it prepares you super well. Again, read through and reread rationales!!
Most people say only watch Mark K's last lecture on prioritization. Although it is the most important (and one that should be listened to at least twice), I still listened to the other 11 sped up 2x and it was still really helpful and relevant come test day. I would to listen to his lectures while following along to his notes to keep me engaged. High yield podcast on Spotify is another great resource! His videos are pretty short (some less than 5min) and he gets straight to the point. I watched them all at 1.5-2x speed and took short notes on each vid. I also used this website called Speechify, which allowed me to copy and paste my notes onto a text box to read by an A.I. voice of my choosing (helped me feel like I was listening to a lecture and gave my eyes a break from reading).
Second attempt: I scheduled my exam at 8AM. Slept early the night before and woke up around 6:30 the morning of. Gave myself time to ready up, drive to the center, and do a little hyping up in my car complete with a prayer. Walked in, sat down, took a pee and snack break about 45 minutes in, and walked out at around 9:45AM. I did the PVT thing when I got home after I got the survey email, and got the good pop up! Got my license emailed to me 2 days later <3
Tips I swear by:

• Give yourself breaks! Your mind will get tired and you'll suffer from mental fatigue if you aimlessly study for hours on end without some respite. Grab a snack, play a video game, go out for coffee or some boba. I ended up going to Vegas for 5 days and Japan for 12 days in between exams. Don't let the NCLEX take away your life before you began to study. I say at the very least dedicate one day of the week where you don't touch any study material.
• Control your anxiety. This is 90% why I failed the 1st time. I couldn't calm down, so I couldn't focus and all I wanted to do was get the hell out of the room. A week before my second attempt, I called my Doctor to prescribe me Propranolol. Tho not technically an anxiety med, it helps to take away the physical manifestations (calmed my HR and BP down). During test day, I was cooler than a cucumber.
• DONT TELL ANYONE when you're testing. I did that and I felt the pressure on me so hard my first time around. All I could think of during the test was, "if you fail, everyone will know it, and you'll be so embarrassed!" Definite vibe killer.
• Change up your study environment. Go to a library, your school's student union, a coffee shop, anywhere with free wifi. I felt like at home was where I was most distracted. I could keep myself accountable best when I was in a place away from my switch or bed.
• Relax the day before the exam. I know a lot of people chill and don't touch anything NCLEX related the day before and I do recommend that to clear your mind before the big day. Personally, I just lightly studied notes on my weak areas.
• Reinforce your weaknesses. You can know everything about GI or Cardio, but if you know you suck at OB and don't wanna study up on it, you're setting yourself up for failure. My weakest area was everything related to pharm. Two weeks before my exam, I watched a couple of YouTube videos to help build up my knowledge and thank god that I did. "Simple Nursing" and "Registered Nurse RN" are honestly the best channels out there.
• You can do it! Don't give up!! It DOES NOT MATTER how many times you need to take this test to pass, because you'll be a great nurse regardless. I believe in you <3

Mariners @ Orioles - Sat, May 18

Game Status: Delayed Start: Inclement Weather

Links & Info

• Current conditions at Oriole Park at Camden Yards: 64°F - Cloudy - Wind 5 mph, Out To LF
• TV: National: FS1, Mariners: ROOTNW, Orioles: MASN 2
• Radio: Mariners: KIRO 710, Orioles: 98 Rock FM/HD2 97.9, WBAL NewsRadio AM/FM
• MLB Gameday
• Statcast Game Preview

ALE Rank	Team	W	L	GB (E#)	WC Rank	WC GB (E#)
1	New York Yankees	32	15	- (-)	-	- (-)
2	Baltimore Orioles	28	14	1.5 (117)	1	+5.0 (-)
3	Tampa Bay Rays	24	22	7.5 (109)	4	1.0 (117)
4	Boston Red Sox	22	23	9.0 (108)	7	2.5 (116)
5	Toronto Blue Jays	19	24	11.0 (107)	9	4.5 (115)

	Probable Pitcher (Season Stats)	Report
Mariners	Luis Castillo (4-5, 3.31 ERA, 54.1 IP)	No report posted.
Orioles	Grayson Rodriguez (4-1, 3.71 ERA, 34.0 IP)	No report posted.

Mariners Lineup vs. Rodriguez, G	AVG	OPS	AB	HR	RBI	K
1 Rojas, J - 2B	-	-	-	-	-	-
2 Rodríguez, J - CF	-	-	-	-	-	-
3 Raleigh - C	-	-	-	-	-	-
4 Garver - DH	.000	.000	2	0	0	1
5 Raley, L - LF	.250	.650	4	0	0	2
6 Moore, D - SS	-	-	-	-	-	-
7 Canzone - RF	-	-	-	-	-	-
8 France, T - 1B	-	-	-	-	-	-
9 Urías, L - 3B	1.000	3.000	1	0	0	0
10 Castillo, L - P	-	-	-	-	-	-

Orioles Lineup vs. Castillo, L	AVG	OPS	AB	HR	RBI	K
1 Henderson - SS	.000	.000	3	0	0	1
2 Rutschman - C	.000	.000	3	0	0	1
3 O'Hearn - 1B	.385	.891	13	0	3	3
4 Santander - DH	.333	1.666	3	1	1	1
5 Westburg - 3B	-	-	-	-	-	-
6 Cowser - RF	.000	.500	1	0	0	0
7 Hays - LF	-	-	-	-	-	-
8 Mullins - CF	.000	.000	2	0	0	1
9 Mateo - 2B	-	-	-	-	-	-
10 Rodriguez, G - P	-	-	-	-	-	-

Division Scoreboard

CWS 1 @ NYY 6 - Final
TB 5 @ TOR 4 - Top 9, 2 Outs
BOS @ STL 07:15 PM EDT
^{Last Updated: 05/18/2024 05:40:56 PM EDT}

Hi, I know some of you have been interested in Joost’s written stuff, so this is one of them. It’s a short story that Joost wrote for Boekenweek voor Jongeren (Book Week for Young People) in 2019. There’s more info about it here (in Dutch) https://www.vice.com/nl/article/qvgzpv/joost-klein-schreef-een-kort-verhaal-over-een-wilde-nacht-in-berlijn and there was also this promo video for it https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wx7wxnpxps0. It's been translated from Dutch - maybe not the most perfect translation but it's readable. Original in Dutch here. Enjoy

"How come he suddenly has cash?" I looked at Gurb, but he avoided my gaze. Louis never had money and yet he was buying another round. Meanwhile, a Moby song was playing and nothing made sense. "If he has money for drinks, he can surely pay me back, right?"
Just a few hours ago, I was alone in Berlin. Now, ten hours later, I'm standing in some obscure techno club with my best friends. Loud rock music with drunken shouting. "Hey, Miss Murder, can I make beauty stay if I take my life?" I woke up that day with a mild hangover from the lonely yet people-filled night before. Perfect conditions for a 20-year-old dropout.
The Hard Rock Café was the most beautifully ugly place in Berlin. Gurb had driven for seven hours straight in his mother's car, but we didn't notice. An iconic black Mini Cooper. Your body leads your mind, the beat never stops, and you can conquer the world. Louis threw in another crazy dance move. We were happy.
"Do you want another drink, brother?" Gurb asked me, half shouting. An evening filled with rhetorical questions. He saw me dancing and already knew the answer.
Gurb always had money. Louis, on the other hand, never did. Louis was also the youngest of us three. He had just turned 18. I wouldn't call him a cunning fox. More like a jack-of-all-trades. Like the time he made a lot of money on a Wadden Island with a group of boys. They sold large blocks of hash.
"Crazy dude!" I shouted at him. He yelled something back.
"Do you remember back then?" Louis said.
"Back then? Back then? Yeah man, of course!" I had no idea what he meant. "Do you mean the party?"
"Do you mean the party, he says! This guy. When I look at you like this, it makes me happy. The exact same kid is here letting loose just like back in high school!"
We knew each other from secondary school. He joined when I was in the second grade. He was very intelligent. Too young, too much knowledge of the world. His mother is from Brazil. We often went to his mother's place to play on the Playstation Louis and I had bought together.
I lived everywhere at that time. In the crisis shelter where I stayed for a while, for example, I wasn't allowed to have a Playstation. So we set it up in an accessible place, near school. It was always fun with Louis. Going together to the Apple Store. Taking all kinds of photos with all the webcams, posting them on Hyves, and then leaving. Louis always knew how to cheer me up.
"Aaaaaaaaaa!" There was Gurb with five drinks in his hands. Gurb was wearing a blue checkered shirt. Two buttons undone. Hair slicked back. "You look good, brother!"
"You look fresh too! We all look fresh!" Gurb said enthusiastically. Louis was wearing a completely white outfit. We quickly bought this before going out. He also bleached his hair.
"You look like the Brazilian cousin of James Dean in these clothes," I said. Louis laughed. "Let me take a picture."
Suddenly, the DJ switched to some kind of techno. "Ah, here Berlin briefly takes off its mask." I was fine with it all. Louis was talking to a lady.
Voluptuous breasts, I thought to myself. He gave her one of his two drinks.
"He's with a girl and he's thinking with his dick," I said to Gurb. "Let him be, tonight Berlin is ours!"
The bass kept pounding. "I simply don't have the patience for the club," I said to Gurb. He looked surprised. Like a sweet dog, tilting his head. "I'm just waiting for tomorrow. Can't do my thing here. Don't have patience for the already known. I want adventure and I want it now!"
Gurb started laughing. "Patience is a virtue." Yes. Patience is all well and good, but I think it's a waste of my time. Gurb grabbed my shoulder.
"I think it's time for another beer."
Louis and I were walking through Leeuwarden a year ago when suddenly a red Ford Ka stopped in front of us. It was Gurb, casually driving around the city. He invited us into his car. We hopped in. Since that afternoon, the three of us were together. A few months later, Louis got a tattoo on his ribs in honor of our friendship. It was the name of our group chat. Braddar Force Indigo.
There were also days when Gurb would take me for a drive around Friesland. He reminded me how beautiful Friesland is. The world doesn't spin there. The newspapers I threw away in the Stiens forest in 2011 could still be lying in the same spot, so to speak.
Just before midnight, I found myself in line for the restroom. My eyes fell on a pair of striking shoes. Cigarette smoke invaded my nose for the fourth time. "Müssen Sie eine Zigarette haben?" a female voice spoke to me. I felt like Tom Hanks in the final scene of Angels & Demons, where the new pope first steps onto the balcony. The curtains opened. There I was, witnessing an important moment in history. I was just told how I was sent by God, but my ears didn't want to hear any of it. At least that's how I felt. My mouth was empty. I had no words left. That's when I knew for sure. Berlin might really be as crazy as literally everyone says.
Dark blond, silky hair. Was this real beauty then? She wouldn't look 40, but I think she was. A true woman. Beautiful in all her elegance. I always joked about being interested in older women, but tonight one stood in front of me. "I don't smoke," I said to her.
Someone tapped me. "Please, just go to the toilet!" He was right. I hadn't peed in a while either. My urine was cloudy. "Glomerulonephritis," I said to myself on the toilet. This is an unusual condition. It's an inflammation in the kidneys, I thought I remembered. They should never have given me access to Google.
The evening progressed, and Louis kept buying rounds. "But seriously now. How does Louis suddenly have all that money for drinks?" I asked Gurb. He was outside smoking with a group of Swiss girls. I had strategically positioned myself so that I could always leave the crime scene if necessary.
"You shouldn't ask me," said Gurb. He was laughing with the temporary girlfriend group of Louis. Gurb has a beard. A lot of chicks like that. I get it too.
As much as I enjoyed Louis and Gurb being here for me, something didn't sit right with me. It couldn't just be about the money. "What's up with him?" I heard one of the Swiss girls say to Gurb.
Those kinds of questions really tire me out. "Not much, with you?" I replied.
They all started laughing. "That's not what she meant, brother," said Gurb.
"I couldn't care less whether she meant it or not. Send that brace-face back to Switzerland. Don't drive me crazy, alright!"
Actually, I hadn't drunk that much that evening. "Two vodka Sprites, please!" It's rare for me to get just one drink. "I always get two drinks, then you have to wait shorter for the third one!" Maybe the alcohol was affecting me more than I wanted to admit. Oh well, it was still the three of us against the world.
"Nice shoes, are those Prada?" I asked a random girl at the bar.
"No, these are fake. Why would I buy real ones for 600 dollars if I could just buy these for 20?"
"..."
I'm not very good at that. Talking. To women.
Louis and Gurb were in the smoking area now. It was less blue than the dance floor itself. My clothes already stank, so a visit to the smoking area couldn't hurt. "These people are so underground!" Gurb shouted. Louis was filming him with his phone. "These people..." There was a brief pause. As if Gurb forgot the only line he had. "...so underground!" All three of us burst into laughter. The alcohol flowed through our veins as if it came from the purest mountains. People seemed doubled and the room was full. We had been in the same club in Berlin for several hours.
"Leonardo! What are you hiding from the big boss?" I sometimes called Louis ‘DiCaprio.’ "You a rich guy, now?" I said, with an accent as if I were from the Bronx.
Louis started laughing. "Eh, you know nothing. Bullshit talk."
I had to laugh too. What was I even worried about? Friends are friends, with or without money. That shouldn't matter. Louis probably just worked for that money. Maybe it wasn't as bad as I thought. Maybe he just had enough to buy rounds. But what if my gut feeling was right? That feeling was never wrong. Except for that one time at the Holland Casino in Groningen. Even the best of us have slip-ups. I was just getting worked up again. When it comes down to it, Louis is one of the sweetest guys I know. I had to let it go. After all, it's still Louis.
"I think I'm going to have sex soon, man," Louis said.
"With who?" I asked immediately.
"That one girl."
"Which one?"
"The one with the boobs."
"Oh, her. Just be careful."
"What kind of reaction is that?" Louis asked indignantly.
I'd only had four drinks, but I was acting like a mess. Louis was right. I didn't understand myself. Where was my head at? I'm here in Berlin, supposed to be having the time of my life, but here I am feeling lonely and sad again. Joost once again couldn't control his emotions.
"Sorry," I suddenly said to Louis. "Sorry for my behavior. Been acting dumb towards you all night. It's unnecessary." Sometimes I have that. Mood swings. "Know that crime is never the solution. We've talked about this so many times. Yes, it's tempting and sometimes easy money. I sometimes find it amusing too, but it's always hypothetical. Ask me for help. I can help you, even with illegal things. I'll always have your back." The dancing was kind of over.
The words I had just placed on Louis's plate came from my heart. My Frisian, irregular boys' heart.
Crying in the club. I had never seen myself like that. Crying, yes. In the club, no. I never understood the taboo around crying. Or emotions in general. I saw myself in the mirror. They weren't tears of joy. They weren't tears of sadness either. It was me letting everything go. All the emotions I had ever felt. The emotions I felt between my brother and sister and myself because they wanted to take on a parental role over me, but I was in puberty, so I pushed them away. The emotions I felt when my old neighbors were supposed to take care of my dog, but didn't tell me that he was bitten by one of their dogs. They didn't have money for the surgery, they later told me. They were ashamed of their lack of money. My dog died from this injury. Even the emotions that were all jumping at once during the retake for my swimming diploma A, I let go of.
No emotions. Just for a moment, not feeling anything. Is that too much to ask for?
"You still don’t smoke?"
It had to be the voice of the woman with the cigarettes. I looked over my shoulder through the mirror. It was her. The one with dark blond, silky hair.
"Not to be rude, but this is the men’s room," I said. She took a step closer and kissed me on my lips. It tasted like more. We started kissing. It had been a while since I had had female contact at this level. It probably didn't look good and it didn't feel good either. She started kissing my neck. Slowly, I noticed the pressure in the erectile tissues of my penis starting to increase. "I really don't have time for this!" I thought to myself. The woman with the cigarettes started to slowly sink down until she was on her knees. I didn't want this. Not now, not like this. She unraveled my penis from my Polo Ralph Lauren underwear. Her tongue was blue. It was probably from cheap shots of alcohol.
Was this real beauty then? Was this the beginning or the end of her story? And had I become the boy my parents hoped I would be? I thought about the fact that this was once someone's little daughter. Somewhere in the world, an old man might be wondering what his daughter is doing. Am I really putting pleasure above my own morals and values?
With my semi-erect circumcised penis still exposed, I lifted her up. After giving her a kiss on her forehead, I pulled up my pants and left the toilets.
It was the usual last hour in any club ever. I met Louis and Gurb at the bar. "Should we have another drink?" I asked Gurb. "I feel like having a cocktail. Something sweet. Lots of sugar. What about you?"
Gurb looked at the menu. "A cognac would go down well right now."
"A cognac? You're only nineteen!" Gurb and Louis laughed. "Two Tequila Sunrises please!" I called to the bartender. "Also, two beers! Thanks!" I also got a beer for Louis. At first, I didn't want to, but I didn't want to spoil the mood either. Besides, I didn't want to show too much that it bothered me so much.
We danced away the last minutes. The club closed, and we decided to walk with the group of Swiss girls. Apparently, they were staying nearby.
As I lagged behind the group, one of them tried to start a conversation with me. "Are you okay?" she asked kindly.
"I'm fine. Just had too much beer. Makes me sleepy." Not true at all, but I've heard people say that.
"You’re tired? The fun has only just began!" And as she said this, she pulled something out of her inner pocket. Her clenched fist, shielded by a half jacket. Who is this girl, anyway? I thought to myself. She opened her hand flat, and right in the center of her palm lay two small pills with a smiley face on them. At least, they looked like it.
"Oh, I don’t do drugs. Sorry."
"Me neither!" And she swallowed a pill. "Now it’s your turn... Or are you scared?"
Scared? Who did this crazy Swiss witch (with really beautiful eyes) think she was. With her "are you scared". I'll show her who's scared.
"Scared? I’m not scared." I picked up the remaining pill and swallowed it.
Everything went in slow motion. Was this who I had become? Was this the same boy from high school? And just before I could swallow, I spat out the pill. She was shocked. I picked up the pill again, dried it with my jacket, and put it back in her fist. "Maybe later!" I shouted, running back to the group, over my shoulder.
I have nothing to say to 9 out of 10 peers I come across. Of course, I can be social. I can also have fun with random people in random situations, but that night, it just tired me out. I also didn't understand what we were doing there. Those girls found me strange anyway. Suddenly, I was the fifth wheel.
"We know this place where they go until 7 in the morning!" The girl leader of the group spoke. I wanted to go home. "If you guys want, you can go. Don't worry about me," I said to Gurb and Louis. The boys had a brief discussion. We agreed to stay for just a little while longer for some drinks. I consented. I was thirsty. "I'll have a Fanta, Louis."
Gurb had reached the last cigarette in his pack. Louis and a girl from the group were nowhere to be found. It didn't even bother me. This guy just walks around with some cash in his pocket and all hell breaks loose. After a night full of stimuli, I understood Louis. Of course, I understood Louis. He's a young god. Handsome, smart guy. But that didn't make me any less angry. It was purely about trust for me. Something inside me said I should stop subconsciously expecting things from people too. It prevents disappointment.
"Hotel please!" I jokingly suggested to Gurb. "Should you call Louis or should I?" I added. Gurb immediately grabbed his Android smartphone and called Louis. He put the call on speaker.
"Are you ready?" Gurb asked.
"Yeah. Sort of."
"What do you mean?"
"We didn't have sex."
"That's fine, right? Tomorrow's a new day!"
"I think I'm in love, man," Louis said.
"...," Gurb said, chuckling as he let out a sigh.
Once we arrived at the girls' hostel, it was already getting light. Louis was thankfully back. There were stains on his pants, around his knees. My focus was solely on arranging a taxi. Although the boys were still flirting, I was really done now. "How are we going to pay for this taxi?" I said a bit too loudly.
There was a silence. "Don't worry. I still have cash," Gurb said.
"Yeah, I knew you would," I replied.
My words clearly hit Louis. "What do you mean by that?" he said.
It was as if time stood still for a few seconds. "Exactly what I said. Better listen." Louis pulled out a small wad of green bills from his pocket. At least 400 euros. "I don't even want to see that money," I reacted. I walked away.
I'll just order a taxi myself.
"Why are you walking away now?" Gurb said.
"Twelve hours ago, I was alone too, and I had a lot more fun then."
"Do you really want to know how I got this money?" Louis said.
Yes, I did want to know. My whole evening revolved around that damn money.
He took a second of pause before he began speaking. "The answer lies in the Mini."
What on earth could be in Gurb's mother's car? Louis was trying to get into my head. "Taxi!"
Once in the taxi, the division was clear. Gurb was upfront, chatting animatedly with the driver. All adventures ever were recounted. Louis and I in the back. One of my best friends since I was thirteen. Funny how things turn out. It was quiet between us. I was in my head, rehearsing how I would bring up the money again. It didn't add up, and he knew it himself. "I don't care, you know," I said, hoping he'd break.
"What don't you care about?"
"About that money."
"What money? You're really a crazy woozy man." Louis burst out laughing again.
On the other hand, it was silent. Gurb had started talking about the driver's family. The driver didn't appreciate it. Gurb meant well. The driver smelled of alcohol. Or was it me? His nails were polished. Maybe his wife was a specialist. I bite my nails myself. Like now.
"In the Mini, oh yeah."
"Shut up. Illegal man."
"You'll never know."
"Stop playing. Just say it!"
Louis grabbed my head, pulled himself towards me, and brought his mouth to my right ear. "Why so serious?" he whispered. He didn't want to tell me.
"But always with this damn money, huh?" I almost shouted at Louis. I broke every silence within a radius of 10 kilometers.
"I'm trying my best, bro. It is what it is. I can't make it any different," he replied. It was clearly bothering him deeply. He ran his hands through his hair. "Sometimes people have to do things. And you know that better than anyone. Sometimes they have to do things they don't really want to or aren't supposed to do."
I knew this spiel all too well. Through all the drunken haziness, I suddenly saw a small glimmer of light. A tiny spark of sincerity. Louis was serious this time.
"I'm sorry. I didn't want to involve you in this. I'm sorry," sweat dripped from his forehead.
"You're serious, huh? Damn, man. What mess have you gotten yourself into now? Worse than Terschelling?" Worse than Terschelling would mean stolen goods. Maybe even violence.
"It's not what you think."
"The Adlon Hotel, right?" the driver chimed in. Always saved by the bell, that Louis.
Suddenly I hit my head against the seat in front of me. Of course, I wasn't wearing my seatbelt. The last thing I saw was Gurb waking up in panic from his drunken stupor. One by one, I started losing my senses. It started with the feeling in my fingers. For a brief moment, everything wasn't quite black, and I could only see a vague pattern of colors repeating inside my eyelids. You could compare it to the brief moment after the commercial break before the movie starts in the cinema. The movie was about to begin.
I knew I wasn't dying. At least not yet. Not like this. Not after an overall mediocre night out in Berlin. I found comfort in the image I forced myself to see. It was all in my head. There I was, unconscious.
I saw myself in a third-person point of view. It wasn't like I was actually leaving my body. More like there was a webcam hanging in one of the upper corners of the taxi.
As a child, I used to dream a lot about death. Nights spent awake.
At some point, I developed a kind of compulsive behavior. I kept swaying my torso from left to right with my hands under my head. It became almost like a workout before bedtime. Every night.
I called it dream shuffling. Just like I had learned to shuffle puzzle pieces or playing cards. Making things a little exciting for yourself. But what I almost never told anyone was that I was scared. I was afraid of burglars, who were very agile and muscular.
Especially afraid that they would murder me. I really wanted to know what death was like. It scared me.
These fear visions originated during an all-inclusive vacation in Turkey. I was 6 years old and already in bed. There was a big old TV in our hotel room, so I could secretly watch TV from bed. Every evening, my parents sat on the balcony. Here they discussed their day while enjoying a glass of alcohol. There was a Japanese animated series on TV. In the few seconds that I watched, I saw a scary creature climbing a sort of apartment complex via the balconies. The creature had hundreds of teeth and blond hair. It quickly entered to decapitate the people, then drained them and, as a final insult, robbed them. Dozens of carcasses of dead people were scattered around the apartment complex. The complex on TV resembled the resort where we were in reality, and the TV world merged with my surroundings. I became part of it. I saw people watching. No matter how loudly I screamed for help, they didn't react. The sun became very bright, and the people turned into nothing more than shadows. As the intensity of the sun increased, something became clear to me. These were not people. They had a sort of orange skin. Where I had previously thought it was their nose and mouth, it turned out that these shadowy figures did not have such physical features. They simply had three holes in their heads. The police tried to do something, but in vain. Since then, we always kept the light on in the hallway outside my bedroom. By rocking back and forth, from left to right, I could glance fleetingly at the beam of light under the door. That bit of light, escaping from the hallway into my room, gave me an advantage. It allowed me to stay one step ahead of the burglars. Pretty smart, right?
"From Jamaica to the world!
It’s just love. Why must the children play in the street?"
It was Bob Sinclar with "Love Generation" speaking to us through the taxi's speakers. We were stationary. I was conscious again, but I didn't feel alive at all. "How long was I out?" I asked Louis.
I could tell by his expression that he was relieved. Relieved that I was back. "One minute," he almost apologized. Louis gave me a pat on the shoulder. Gurb, on the other hand, was sleeping. He slept like a baby cub.
I put my right index finger on my forehead. It felt wet, but it wasn't blood. Blood feels different. Meanwhile, I kept hearing whistling.
"Be the love generation! Oh yeah!" It was still that same song by Bob Sinclar.
The earlier scent of alcohol had now been replaced by the smell of incense. It smelled like the same incense I had in my room. Sold to me as Tibetan 39 incense. I had bought it at a coffee shop in Rotterdam. I pulled up my notes on my phone. "Who lights incense in a CAR????" I let Louis read from my screen. He took the phone from my hands and started typing as well.
"Look at Gurb >>>" Gurb was so deeply asleep that his head drooped. His seatbelt held his torso in place, but his head ended up on the driver's shoulder. The man didn't mind. He didn't move. I made eye contact with the driver through the rearview mirror, and soon I found him. He winked at me.
We arrived at the hotel. Gurb awakened from his alcoholic hibernation. "Who's going to pay for the taxi?" I asked. Clearly rhetorical. I already knew I would take this one for the team, as usual. I refused to use Louis's money. It was uncomfortably quiet. "By card please," I said.
"I'll always protect you, Louis. You really need to know that. I care about you like my own little brother. I'll always try to help you. But you have to be honest with me. Can you do that?" Louis didn't hesitate.
"Yes. Yes, I can. I'll show you. It's really in the Mini." Meanwhile, the taxi driver's card machine indicated that I had insufficient funds. That couldn't be right. Maybe I had withdrawn too much that evening.
"I have cash in the hotel room," Gurb said to me. Gurb informed the driver in broken English that he would go get his cash. The driver agreed. Money is money, whether it comes now or later. As long as it feels good in your hands.
Louis and I got out of the taxi. "You're not going to light a cigarette now, are you?" Louis wanted to smoke. "Especially for stress. That's really for people who can't handle pain. You need to feel pain. Pain needs to brand you for the rest of your life so you finally learn not to do such stupid things." It fell silent again. My blood boiled. All pots were on the stove. I felt like Gordon Ramsay in the kitchen. "Show me then. Do it."
Louis remained silent and walked around the corner of the hotel. Towards the parking lot. I followed him. "You're not going to find much," said Louis.
"Why not? Are you a magician?"
"No. Just. Not much."
"So there's suddenly magically nothing in Gurb's car?"
"Stop. Get out. Get out of my head!" Louis shouted. Louis had had enough. He was done with the parade. Normally we dealt with hypothetical stories. Only this time it wasn't a joke. I was sure now. Louis had dropped his mask. The revolution had begun. The government had fallen and the dikes had broken. The people were in charge. "You shouldn't freak out like this. Always wanting more. Sweet boy, think about yourself."
After Gurb gave the money to the driver, he came to us. He had a smile on his face, lit a cigarette, and exclaimed, "Brothers!" Once with us, he hugged me. He started laughing. "Maybe I haven't been entirely honest either." Sometimes Gurb seemed like a 38-year-old man. In a positive way. He exuded confidence in a way I didn't often see. Affectionate, with a hint of authority.
We stood in the middle of a large parking lot. "Look. We've reached a point where I might not even care anymore. You guys are teasing me." It did matter to me. Maybe more than ever. I was supposed to be two steps ahead of them, but I couldn't figure it out. "I give up."
The delightful silence returned. Louis and Gurb looked at each other. "You guys win. Apparently, I'm not to be trusted as a friend."
From Louis's expression, I could tell he disagreed with this. "Not true. Come to the car."
We arrived at the car. Louis unlocked it and searched for the trunk button. Gurb had started his third cigarette. "It's a corpse, isn't it? Say it now. I can still help you. I can still help us. I can book a ticket for you. We can get you out of here," I said to Louis.
"Just wait. Nutcase."
"Why won't you accept my help?"
Louis started laughing nervously. Or at least it seemed that way. Perhaps a sly laugh too. Had Louis killed someone? "It's not a corpse. That can't be. You wouldn't be stupid enough to use their ID. You're smarter than that. So it must be something stolen. Haven't you found that button yet?"
Suddenly, we heard a click. Louis had found the button. Somewhere, I didn't want to know. Shouldn't I just trust Louis? Wasn't that the whole point of friendship?
Finally, the moment had arrived. I placed my right hand in the slot of the rear hatch. Something in me doubted. Still. I still doubted. Louis looked dead serious. "You wanted to know, didn't you? Then you also have to be man enough to accept it." Louis was clearly not joking. Or was he acting again? "Pussy," Louis said. I looked away. "You're afraid of what's inside, huh? You're afraid of the real Louis." He began to laugh manically. "Open that thing, man. Nutcase!"
I started laughing too. Why did I make such a big deal out of it? Sweat broke out from every pore in my body. It was even a bit damp in the no man's land between my scrotum and my anus. A tropical climate. It had been quite an adventure the whole evening. I took my hand off the rear hatch and first gave Louis a hug. Not some half-hearted birthday wish. No, a real hug.
"It's okay, buddy," Louis said to me. I had no idea what he meant by that. It fit the moment though.
It was really time now. I opened the rear hatch.
"Where is it?"
"In front of you," said Louis.
"In some secret compartment?"
There was nothing in the trunk. Absolutely nothing. An empty trunk. For an empty evening, in an empty Berlin, with an empty group of guys. I didn't get it.
"You won, man," I whispered. "You finally fucking done did it."
I couldn't believe my eyes. Empty? There was still nothing in the car. Louis just stood there. Emotionally, I was a wreck. I had felt every emotion this evening. Seen every color and smelled every scent. I was done. My body was ready. No longer needed. My mission was complete.
"But why did you do this?" I asked Louis, laughing.
He scratched his chin. It felt like the end of a bad movie.
"I sold our Playstation. Wanted to tell you only after I had sorted everything out again. I terminated my lease. Had some debts, and I also wanted to have some money for once. Once not empty-handed in the club. Once not dependent on my best friends. This is not who I am... I know how much that Playstation meant to you. It was ours together. I should have just told you."
"… and how does Gurb actually make his money?"

I don't have many friends. All the people in my life either live far away or are too busy for me.
I don't know why I'm so reliant on having someone to talk to in order to feel OK. I used to be able to comfortably go days without speaking to anyone and now it makes me feel lonely and overthink past memories. I wish I had someone to get work done with instead of sat on my PC at home alone.
My ex would message me every morning and call me after work every night. It feels like I'm crumbling without that support.
During these times,TV shows bore me, music makes me overthink and I just can't focus on my work. What do I do?