Greetings to all.
Given the anonymity of the site, I decided to share my experience having dealt with my parents as an opportunity to vent a little. Normally, I do not post about personal issues anywhere on the internet, but this is a topic that I've made the exception for. Writing about it helps me put many thoughts in order. It’s difficult to leave things in the past when many of the behaviors of a person keep carrying on to this day, so I’ve got justification.
I'm in my mid-to-late 20s, and my parents are from the age range 50s-60s. My father has been a non-existant presence regarding the emotional side of parenting ever since I was a kid. My mother, on the other hand, has been emotionally immature, manipulative and the most hypocritical person I have ever met by quite a large margin.
My parents themselves have had to deal with neglectful parents in their time, so I am dealing with them repeating a cycle, so it seems. Remnants, I presume, because truth be told, they have managed to have given me with a few aspects that they weren't given, namely, proper financial support.
On that note, my parents are the typical type of parents that justify their deplorable emotional side of their parenting with materialism. As such, repeteadly throughout the years, the typical accusation has been that of the "ungrateful child" in the discussions that we've had. Every argument they made in defense of themselves has been based on their materialistic providence. They've always expected me to give them all of the positive emotional attachment that they have never given me in the first place and to accept all of the emotional negativity they have given me on this basis.
My father has never shown guidance nor emotional support of any kind growing up, not even now. He was/is a man committed to his work and providing for us, and left the emotional side of things to my mother. He's played the role of the passive parent in conflicts.
My mother has been... deplorable. Manipulation, childish tantrums, exaggerations, irritation, lies, gaslightning, projection, guilt tripping, push and pull tactics, passive-agressivenes, open hostility, wrathfulness... I could go on and on about all the negativity she has CONSISTENTLY shown me throughout the years, especially during adolescence.
Growing up as a kid, on the parenting side, I did get hurt plenty by a few aspects, as I've always had a soft spot for my parents. During adolescence, the period from 2010s onwards, until relatively recently, I fell to an emotionally dettachment/numbness towards them, and to family in general. I was in a state of severe depression and anxiety, especially that's when I developed social anxiety, and was also dealing with issues with high school. I ignored my family (I regret only not spending time with the ones that truly loved me and are now gone. The rest of my family was/is toxic). I pushed my little sibling away until they stopped trying to get closer over a few years. I put up a strong barrier against my parents, that helped me well to deal with their barrage of negativity, especially from my mother and her vitriolic hostile immaturity. It failed plenty of times, though. I do remember times where I would emotionally retaliate or have breakdowns. My mother would get extremely upset if I didn't answer to her provocations all that time, and would proceed to be more hostile to me. I also learned to not share anything with them, because they would not provide any support, rather weaponize the issue against me or dismiss/minimze/mock it. My mother had noticed the push and pull dynamic she's done and for a time used it willingly and also has attributed it to me mockingly. My mother also takes her anger on whoever she wished, anger that stemmed from situations she faced or by cause of another family member. My family (almost all) has always been prone to treating non-family members better than itself; the negativity is reserved for family, and it was important to maintain a front to them. I, naturally, treated other people instead simply because I wasn’t going to give what I didn’t receive from my family (not 100%, though, I have shown appreciation). Of course, this would upset my mom greatly, whose hypocrisy knows no bounds. Simultaneously, I did seek out any semblance of emotional support and love here and there, hoping, since childhood, that they would change. We had many issues, and my mother would always say she would be better next time, only for things to go back to how they've always been, a cycle of emotional instability.
During 2020, I ruminated about my family situation and how the decade had been between me and my mother, how she's been as a mother figure. I desired to lay it all out to my mother, given the chance, and it presented itself. Come december, we had a talk and I did so, as best I could, due to her interruptions. She did say something I didn't register at the time: she said that she wanted to be closer to me and asked me what she could do to make it so. I ignored that and continued talking. The conversation ended on my terms. That month, on the last day, I saw her breakdown crying. That was also the year I didn't attend the annual family meeting for the first time ever, because she was there.
These next three years were more of the same between us, with slight improvements in some areas. I spent, again, ruminating about family, but from a different standpoint. I had faced my deeply-rooted emotional dettachment in general and focused on improving myself, thanks to my depression subsiding and making GREAT advancements on my anxiety. I was committed to FEEL again, and try to, hopefully, attempt a deep talk about our situation again and maybe, get things going, if the opportunity presented itself. I also reflecte don whether or not I should stand up for myself more against bad treatment from my parents (I have always largely avoided confrontations, I can’t handle them well). I especially was looking back at how she said she wanted to get closer to me back then and offering a change. I thought maybe that was sincere, because she had never done that before, and with that demeanor. On the matter at hand, I gained a lot of knowledge from studying about narcissists, and emotionally immature parents in general. It always made sense for the way my parents were, but I had not known before then the extent to which it did.
Something unexpected happened last year. My mother was going through a rough situation on the phone (work) and I happened to be there in the room, along with my dad. We were getting ready to head out and I was preparing myself. My mother began making a drama because I wasn't planning to go dressed how she wanted me to and I dismissed her as I always did. She then shot up, and physically pushed me. I was taken aback but stabilized and stood ground. She faced me and completely EXPLODED in rage yelling, I had never seen her stare at me like that. I do not think I will ever forget that stare, she looked unhinged. She blurted out something about me wanting to hit her before (she did this a few times before, lying in front of my dad). I looked at her and I blanked out mentally momentarily. I, then, made a HUGE mistake, looking back. I do not know why, but I felt the urge to explode yelling too. My father was extremely concerned and was trying to calm us. I just kept staring and yelling things at her until she backed down and I stormed out, now semi-conscious, blurting out "I'd beat anyone, no matter who" as a bluff to scare them, because it was me in actuality who was terrified and so, so lost. We never spoke of that day again and things were back to normal. Later on that year, I came to my mother and I asked if we could move on and tried to once again, connect with her. We did, and we carried on.
Come this year, I was preparing myself for a task I was doing. My parents were trying to micro-manage what I was doing, yelling, and I was stressed and irritated. I went to wash my hands and I clumsily bumped into something, falling to the floor. My father saw and went into a HUGE screaming fit, to which my mother joined in as well.
In my mind, I flashed back to all we had been through all these years, and how I've for so long wanted to feel love from them and how easy it would be to form a strong bond with them if they just were more open and we could talk things through without them being hyperdefensive and actually listened. I flashed back to how much negativity I had endured from them and how best I tried to manage it all this time. I flashed back to this cycle of me being the one who wanted to move things forward emotionally with them after an issue (and the times they joked about the cycle). I broke. I hadn't had a breakdown since almost 10 years ago. This one was the biggest one, and I felt so fucking done with them, especially my mother. I said a lot of things I wanted to get off me to them and I longed to not be home, I truly wished to go no contact... if I could. I had nowhere to go. I just graduated and am not yet employed, and I'm from a latin american country that has a disastrous economy. It is extremely difficult or outright impossible for most young adults to quickly go independent, unless they land an incredibly high paying job. Anyway, I spent a few weeks with the only family member I could connect with and explained the situation (badly, I’ve never been one to express emotional stuff well). I wanted to live with them, but taking in another person is a huge compromise. I reluctantly proposed to go back home.
I had found out that my mother thinks that I brokedown because of that one incident. I set out to explain to her what we could do moving forward, and what happened and reach out to her. I couldn't even say 20% of what I wanted to, because she was incessant in her interruptions, her dismissive attitude and her twisting the conversation. She went hard on all the typical dismissive phrases: "I/other people have had it worse than you, you're exaggerating, you're too sensitive, I've treated your sibling the same way all this time and they don't complain, you torment yourself too much, no one's perfect, you can't change people (true general statement, but used by a hypocritical controlling person), etc..". She did apologize about her behavior, but in a general way. Whatever. We carried on.
Now, a few months later, her behavior has changed in many ways, and not in others. She's almost completely toned down the “bully” behavior. She’s more calmed and her yelling for small issues has stopped. She has also been open and shared a few vulnerabilities in a few talks; a thing her pride had never allowed her to do. Mainly, she’s admitted that she needs to understand other people’s feelings better. That’s huge; though it wasn’t particularly directed at us at home.
I am these days doing great in life in general emotionally-wise, it’s just the aspect of family on which I am a bit unstable. I surpass rather quickly situations like the way we’ve had, but I do admit that, at this very moment, I’m torn between seeing if these improvements will continue for the remainder of the year, or I outright cut them out emotionally, completely. In either case, I must continue working on myself and look ahead, plan for the future. I would also love to reach out to my sibling; we’ve been under the same roof, and has gone through some of the experience, but we barely speak since over 10 years ago. The blame is on me, for having repeated a neglectful attitude all those years ago.
Anyway, I must decide if I go semi-contact or fully no contact when the time comes. But I’ll see for myself once I get the opportunity to gain independance, for now I continue helping around, observing and keep maintaining peace on my part. I’m just so done with such a cycle, I want an end. I felt guilty and extremely anxious for wishing so long, long ago, but not anymore.
I didn’t expect this to be so long, and believe me, this IS a summary. But I’ve expressed the main points and I feel great having vented. Maybe it helps some relate, just like reading about many similar stories did for me. Made me feel more understood and less alone.
Take care of yourselves and keep working on yourselves. May you all find peace.

Disclaimer: English is not my first language and this is my second real post. Apologies for miany mistakes.
Over a year ago a YouTube video about the artwork destroyed in the September 11 attacks rekindled my interest in 9/11. I started reading about the attacks, the events surrounding them, the people involved in the events, as well as WTC complex itself: its history, its architecture, its features and its layout. I was already aware of first responders' fight for health benefits and the health conditions that could arise from the exposure to the remains of WTC. Now I learned that some of the same-sex partners of the victims were denied survivor benefits and had to fight for them in court. One such person was Keith Bradkowski. He was considered ineligible for survivor benefits, as the airlines at the time did not recognize domestic partnerships. His partner was Jeffrey Dwayne Collman. Collman was a flight attendant aboard American Airlines Flight 11 who lost his life, when the terrorists flew it into the World Trade Center. The interview mostly concerned Keith's crusade for the recognition, survivor benefits and changes in the inheritance laws, so I decided to look for additional information about Jeff's life. I found another older interview with Keith, article about Jeff's parents (or rather his father and stepmother) and Jeff's Find a Grave profile. He was born in 1959, was 41 at the time of his death and lived in Novato, California, but was originally from Yorkville, Illinois. Keith was his partner of 11 years. His parents divorced when he was a child, and it broke the family. Before his father remarried, he lived with some other relatives. He had three brothers (I later found out that he had many more siblings). One predeceased him. This brother's name was Mark Allen Collman. According to Find a Grave he was born in 1957 and died in 1979. The fact that this family lost two young sons, one of them the deadliest terrorist attack in history, made me understandably sad. I opened Mark's profile. He was born on July 22. 1957 in Aurora, Illinois. The date of his death was 1979, with no day and month. His profile's description read: "Cenotaph for man missing since April 3, 1979." I was even more sad, but as a true crime buff I was also intrigued. I set out to find all the info that I can get about his disappearance. Unfortunately, there isn't a lot written about it. It's coverage seems to be minimal. No newspaper articles, no podcasts, no documentaries. His Charley Project page claims that he went missing from his hometown of Yorkville, Illinois on April 3, 1979. At the time he lived with his parents in a basement bedroom and worked second shift at a Model Box factory off Route 47 and Cannonball Road in Yorkville. According to The Charley Project his parents realized that he was missing after his boss called them to say that he hadn't shown up for work. On the other hand his Doe Network page claims that his mother (his parents divorced years before his disappearance) called from out of state, when she had not heard from him for two weeks. No one ever heard from him again. Charley Project quotes his parents as saying that he was very close to his younger brothers and would never have willingly gone for this long without contacting them. His parents had him declared legally dead after his disappearance and placed a stone for him at the cemetery. He's regarded an endangered missing and foul play is considered possible. Mark's Charley Project page admits that there's little information available about his case. We don't know what he was wearing and we don't know if he took anything with himself. Possibly because it was his mother, who lived out of state, that reported him missing and she had no way to know what he was last wearing or if he left on foot or by car. Mark was a White male, he had brown hair and eyes, stood between 5'10" - 5'11" and weighted between 140 - 160 lbs. He had a small scar on the side of his nose (unknown which side) according to Doe Network, or on the side of his chin according to The Charley Project. I found more information about his disappearance on Websleuths forum and a blog called Whereabouts Still Unknown. Webslauths users were inspired by the (now unavailable) Naperville Sun article from 2011. Here's a quote from the this article (via Websleuths forum):
"On Sunday I wrote about Kay and Dwayne Collman's very public grief in the aftermath of the 9/11 terrorist attacks that claimed the life of their son Jeffrey.
Like so many of the victims, the body of the 41-year-old flight attendant on board the first plane that hit the World Trade Center was never recovered, except for a couple of finger bones that are now buried at River Hills Cemetery in Batavia.
But what the Collmans have kept much more private is that next to Jeffrey's memorial is a similar marker for his older brother, whose burial site is also missing a body.
In 1979, the Collmans' 21-year-old son Mark disappeared and was never heard from again. The shy young man, a 1975 graduate of Yorkville High School, had been living at home at the time and was employed at the Model Box factory off Route 47 and Cannonball Road.
Because he worked a 3 to 11 shift and his bedroom was in the basement, Kay and Dwayne didn't necessarily see Mark every day. So when his boss called to say he'd not shown up to work on April 3, 1979, it was the family's first indication something was wrong."
Websleuths users managed to submit his data for a NamUs, Charley Project and Doe Network in 2011. Before that Mark Allen Collman was absent from all databases. Websleuth users also provided more info: he had many half-siblings and step-siblings, he wasn't on the best terms with his father (that also applies to Mark) and Jeff's and Mark's divorced mother was the one who paid for her sons' graves and according to them she was the one who reported Mark missing. Some comments made by their father in the article about Mark's disappearance and mentioned on Websleuths seem to confirm that their relationship was far from perfect. And then, there's a book called "Jeff's Way: The Story of 9/11 Flight Attendant Jeffrey Collman". It was written by Douglas O'Keeffe, Jeff's co-worker and friend. Both Websleuths and Whereabouts Still Unknown quote this book on Mark's disappearance. According to the book Mark, Jeff and their father Dwayne all worked for the same company in April of 1979. Apparently Mark had a fistfight with his father on the day before, which probably contributed to his disappearance. He left behind his paycheck and his savings. There's also one more theory only mentioned briefly on Websleuths, but expanded on Whereabouts Still Unknown. It's apparently a local rumor based on speculations, not supported by any evidence. We know that Mark attended Yorkville High at the time when Dennis Hastert, former Speaker of the House, was a teacher and wrestling coach there. In 1981 Hastert won a congressional seat and later went on to become the longest running Speaker in U.S. history. In May 2015 Hastert was indicted on federal charges of structuring bank withdrawals to evade bank reporting requirements and making false statements to federal investigators. Investigators alleged that the funds Hastert had withdrawn were used as a hush money to conceal his past sexual misconduct. In 2016 prosecutors alleged that Haskert had molested at least four boys some as young as 14 during his time as a high school wrestling coach. Hastert later admitted to molesting the boys whom he had coached. He was sentenced to 15 months in prison. Some speculate that Mark was either one of Hastert's victims or he was a witness to his crimes, who was then silenced to prevent him from harming Hastert's reputation. Someone also suggested that Mark lived near the area that Larry Eyler traveled in and picked up his victims, Yorkville is also close to John Gacy's area of operation. Several John Does has been ruled out as Mark. Mark's dental records and DNA are available. Sadly, both of his parents died not knowing what had happened to him, his mother died in 2004 and his father died in 2022. If Mark alive today, Mark Allen Collman would be 66 years old.
Sources
Charley Project: https://charleyproject.org/case/mark-allen-collman
Doe Network: https://www.doenetwork.org/cases/4564dmil.html
Mark's Find a Grave page: https://www.findagrave.com/memorial/147230782/mark_allen-collman
Websleuths forum thread about Mark's case: https://www.websleuths.com/forums/threads/il-mark-collman-21-kendall-county-3-april-1979.148614/
Whereabouts Still Unknown post about Mark: https://whereaboutsstillunknown.wordpress.com/2018/12/07/mark-collman/
Jeff's Way by Douglas O'Keeffe: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/19858906-jeff-s-way
Excerpt about Mark's disappearance: https://books.google.com/books/about/Jeff_s_Way.html?id=-GS-pBlQ9kUC#v=onepage&q=jeff%20collman's%20brother%20Mark&f=false
Interview with Keith Bradkowski: https://abc7news.com/amp/911-attacks-september-11-anniversary/11013395/
Article about Dwayne and Kay Collman: https://patch.com/illinois/yorkville/local-couple-featured-in-patch-remembers-911-in-911-snapshots

Gen X (by Pew 1965-1980, by broadest definition 1961-1981; my definition for off-cusp is 1965-1977)
The oldest of Gen X were adults or high schoolers when the Challenger exploded, were grown adults out of college when Windows 95 launched and were in their late 20s and 30s during Y2K. Younger X were elementary school age kids when the Challenger exploded, were still in college when Windows 95 started, they weren't alive or unable to remember Nixon's administration, and were in their early-mid 20s during Y2K.
Xennials (by Pew 1978-1983 or 1979-1982, by broadest definition 1975-1985; my definition is 1978-1983)
The oldest Xennials grew up in the mid-80s and were in high school when Windows 95 first came out. They were also in their 20s when Y2K hit. The youngest were still high schoolers during Y2K, and they were still in middle school when Windows 95 launched.
Millennials (by Pew 1981-1996, by broadest definition 1977-2000; my definition for off-cusp Y is 1984-1994)
The oldest Millennials will remember life before the internet even existed. They were in high school when Y2K hit and/or were in high school when 9/11 happened. Younger Millennials will not; they were elementary schoolers during Y2K and 9/11.
Zillennials (by Pew 1994-1999 or 1995-1998, by broadest definition 1990-2002; my definition is 1995-2001)
The oldest Zillennials could have vivid memories pre-9/11; the youngest graduated pre-COVID but will have no memory of a pre-9/11 world.
Gen Z (by Pew 1997-2012, by broadest definition 1995-2014; my definition for off-cusp Z is 2002-2011)
The oldest of Gen Z could remember life before tablets and smartphones became commonplace, were adults when the AI boom began, and were teenagers under 18 when COVID-19 first hit. Younger Gen Z were in elementary school when COVID-19 hit, were middle schoolers when the AI boom started, and will have no memory of life before tablets and smartphones were commonplace.
Z/Alpha cusp (by Pew 2010-2015 or 2011-2014, by broadest definition 2007-2017; my definition is 2012-2017)
The oldest of the Z/Alpha cusp could vividly remember life before COVID-19, and their childhood was largely free from AI in their daily lives. Younger members of the Z/Alpha cusp will have vague memories pre-COVID at best, and they were younger elementary school kids when AI boom began.

As the title implies, I'm writing a novel set in late 2023. It's a tragicomedy, kind of like Bojack Horseman, if anyone's familiar!
A supporting character works in PR, and while I want to depict the industry accurately, I have no PR experience. If anyone can answer the following questions, I'd greatly appreciate it!

1. Do top PR firms send their own employees on-site to work closely with their clients (as is typical in Consulting), or do PR employees typically stay more centralized and communicate with clients through phone, zoom, etc?
   
2. How high could a driven, talented college graduate climb in a major PR firm after 5 years of experience? Is this enough time for them to have direct reports, make high level decisions on behalf of clients, travel to see clients, etc?
   

2.5. What salary could the above employee expect to make?

1. How common is it for very large charities to work with large PR agencies, vs hiring in-house? Eg: A charity with homeless shelters across the northeast, or even a bigger org like the Salvation Army?
   
2. What little phrases, customs, terminology, in-jokes, etc could I sprinkle into my book that would make a reader like you say "oh wow, they did their research!"
   

All input is greatly appreciated!

First of all to be upfront, I am a civilian, so forgive me for my stupid and ignorant questions. But, I rather choose to sound stupid for asking these questions rather than making speculations. I apologize first if some of my questions sound accusative. But, I think I should provide context about my current impressions to avoid miscommunication. I will be honest, the purpose why I ask these questions are for research materials for my fiction writing. There is a side character in my story who happens to be a former USMC Commissioned Officer who unfortunately (for him) never saw combat (I mean he joined the Marine in the first place because he wanted to be deployed to the battlefield). That side character ended up taking over my story because he is more interesting than the vanilla protagonist. I have already done my research, but I am still unsatisfied with what I found. All of those information still feels abstract to me. I still feel I need to ask actual Marines for more concrete and solid information. My story may be comedic, but just because this is a comedy, I still want to write USMC respectfully and accurately. I may need to adjust my writing with the information I will get.
These are my questions, but I provide the context first before asking those questions:
The time range of my story is 2006-2014, I put a timestamp in case there are changes in Marine which I didn’t know despite doing my research. So, let’s start.
Not every Marine personnel job (MOS) is fighting, some work in logistics, some work as clerks, some work in maintaining facilities and equipment, you get the pictures. As far as I know, Marines are always the one which gets deployed to the battlefield. Here, I am under the impression most/majority of Marines (who were active from 2006 to 2014) always went to the Middle East at least once in their services including clerks and desk jockeys. My questions are:
What are the MOS of Commissioned Officer who are unlikely to get deployed to the battlefield until he is done with obligatory service (limit the answers to the MOS of 2nd lieutenant can get)?
What are the MOS of Commissioned Officer likely to get stuck in the base in the USA, Okinawa and South Korea until he is done with obligatory service (limit the answers to the MOS of 2nd lieutenant can get)?
Let’s say 22 years old (4 years) college graduate with many skills joined the Officer Candidates School or enlisted. He happens to be good at cooking, carpentry, welding and is fluent in foreign languages (like Japanese, Korean and other languages). He joined with infantry in mind. Higher-ups aware of his skills and refuse to put him on the battlefield because they think his skills will be wasted in battlefield. Once again, I am aware not every Marine personnel's job is to fight. But, unlike other branches, Marines are always the one which gets deployed first when war breaks. The questions are:
Are there chances an officeenlisted never gets deployed to the battlefield because higher-ups think his skills are wasted on the battlefield and end up stuck on domestic bases or overseas bases (because I am under the impression, that the majority of Marines will likely go to Middle East no matter what their MOS)?
Can an enlisted get FAP’d or to phrase it differently, get shuffled from a non-combat job to another non-combat job because his non-combat related skills are more valued until he is done with obligatory service?
Can a 2nd Lieutenant/1st Lieutenant/Captain get FAP’d or to phrase it differently, get shuffled from a non-combat job to another non-combat job because his non-combat related skills are more valued until he is done with obligatory service?
After more than a decade of finishing obligatory service as a Marine, a former Commissioned Officer missed the military. But, he is too old to be a Marine (he is above 30) again. The question is:
Can the former commissioned officer of the Marine enlist to another branch?
There also these questions:
Are 2nd Lieutenant/1st Lieutenant/Captain allowed to join work hands-on with their subordinate or they must contend in their supervisor role?
Can a 2nd Lieutenant/1st Lieutenant/Captain hold more than one MOS?
Do 1302 Combat Engineer Officers only work on the battlefield or they do work on non-battlefields just like Seabees (Because I am under the impression every 1302 Combat Engineer Officer who was active between 2006-2014 has been to the Middle East at least once)?
I think that’s all, thank you for the time to read this post and for answering my stupid and ignorant questions. I also apologize for being so verbose, I try my best to be as clear as possible when writing contexts and questions to avoid misunderstanding.
Once again, thank you.

tldr; while my partner was visiting her sister last weekend, my sister in-law and her husband told her to break up with me. Now I don't trust them. We have a meeting today to discuss how to move forward. Help!
Background:
My (32M) partner (30F) and I met in 2011 at university. We kissed for the first time, and started a relationship in 2012. It was beautiful, so so beautiful. We were two inseparable love birds. The amazing memories from those years will last me a lifetime. In 2015 we started facing challenges in our communication. We failed to resolve them and ultimately broke up/reconciled twice between 2015 and 2018.
During the breakup we tried to live our lives, forget each other, meet other people. She even moved to another country and had a great time there. We had minimal communication while broken up: sharing only major milestones like graduation, or the random message when she got a tattoo etc. Eventually she moved back to the same country. We started talking again and agreed that we would fight to make our relationship work. We worked out our issues. Since 2018, we've been learning and growing together. We've had arguments, especially when adjusting to living together. Things are still not PERFECT but I was convinced they are good, until last weekend.....
The issue:
My GF visited her sister (35F), the husband and their 2 daughters. When she came back, she wasn't in a good mood. She started picking a fight with me about dishes, laundry and other small things. I was shocked. We didn't see each other for a weekend, and this is the hello I got. I had actually done 3 loads of laundry that weekend. I cleaned her lunch boxes and pots from the previous week that had started developing mould. The fight was very unreasonable. Ultimately she told me that she was doubting/confused about our relationship. I'm thinking: WTF!!
It's not the first time we fight after she talks to her sister. So I dug and she eventually told me that in laws wanted her to reflect on breaking up with me. It went far. They offered her a place to stay if she would need a few months to process the breakup. I became more confused the more details I learned. At family events they are always friendly. When I got the impression that they don't like me, my partner assured me that they all thought I'm a great guy. Well, it's now clear that although I'm a great guy, just not the right guy for their "little sister." I've known this woman much longer than the sister has known her husband. The arguments they made are along the lines of: I'm holding her back from her dreams, I have no direction in life, cultural differences. A suggestion was made (not sure if by my GF or them) that I may be manipulating her. As a result, I find it hard to discuss with her now because, will she just say I'm manipulating her when I share my views? According to my gf, they reiterated that I'm a nice person, just not the person for her. Part of it could be financial. I'm not close to f.e. having enough savings to purchase a house (which I know is her dream, it's mine too, I'm just not there yet).
Anyway, we're meeting later today, all four of us. I don't trust them anymore. I don't feel comfortable with my partner visiting them. I don't want to visit them either. I don't think I even want to talk to them at family events anymore. I feel angry, disgusted, humiliated, and stabbed in the back. I have so many questions. Who else did they talk to? Other siblings, the parents? How long have they been thinking this? Is my girlfriend telling me the full truth or is she protecting her family by withholding certain information? (she's done this in the past) It's a mess.
Some other context:

• My partner has been feeling low energy for a while and recently shared with her sister that she sometimes has suicidal thoughts.
• My partner and all her family are white, EU. I am black, non-EU.
• Their native language is my FIFTH language. I speak relatively well, although I am uncomfortable in a family context with fast-paced group conversations. I am usually quiet during family gatherings unless I have a 1-1 conversation.
• I am currently not working, I'm receiving unemployment benefits which isn't much money but enough to cover my basic expenses. GF is doing quite well financially.
• I'm not actively looking for a job but rather completing a 7 month, full-time data science bootcamp, accredited by government, working on real use cases with real companies, career coaching etc so I'm confident in securing a job in the coming months when the training is complete.
• GFs sister recently had kids and has shared her desire for GF to start having kids too so their kids can grow up together (I want to wait with kids until I secure a job after my training and have a better financial circumstances)
• When we got back together after 2018, we decided to move in together and I applied for a family reunion through my gf (better possibilities for me in terms of access to the job market). I live in EU for 18 years but have no nationality.

The situation now:

• My partner says that she's 99% sure about us (i can live with the 1% doubt lol)
• Partner is willing to go low contact with sister but I feel bad because she loves her nieces and actually 3 weeks ago, her and her sister had a heart to heart where they both cried and reaffirmed their sibling love for each other
• we are having a call to discuss how to move forward with our relationship, all four of us.

Honestly, I don't know how to approach the conversation. How would you do it? What would you ask? What would you want to have as outcome? Is this talk even healthy/necessary?
The truth is, if I could, I would never talk to them again, I miss nothing in my life by avoiding them. But how do I ensure that i don't push my GF from her family and create more resentment either towards me or the sister?
If you read this far, I appreciate it, and happy to hear your thoughts!

The profusion of identical green tents at this spring’s anti-Israel protests struck many as odd. “Why is everybody’s tent the same?,” asked New York mayor Eric Adams. Like others, the mayor suspected “a well-concerted organizing effort” driving the protests. More recent reporting shows a concerted push behind the Gaza protest movement. But it is not as simple as a single organization secretly rallying protesters or buying tents. Instead, the movement’s most determined activists represent a network of loosely linked far-left groups. Some are openly affiliated with well-known progressive nonprofits; others work in the shadows.
The movement also draws on diverse but generous sources of financial backing. Those funding streams may soon be augmented by the federal government. As I chronicled last year in a Manhattan Institute report, “The Big Squeeze: How Biden’s Environmental Justice Agenda Hurts the Economy and the Environment,” the administration’s massive program of environmental justice grants seems designed to prioritize the funding of highly ideological local groups. The Inflation Reduction Act, for example, earmarks $3 billion for “environmental and climate justice block grants” intended for local nonprofits. Today, hundreds of far-left political groups include language about environmental issues and “climate justice” in their mission statements. If just a fraction of planned grants flows to such groups, the effect will be a gusher of new funding for radical causes.
As the Gaza protests spread across U.S. college campuses, many observers noted an eerie uniformity among them. From one campus to the next, protesters operated in disciplined cadres, keeping their faces covered and using identical rote phrases as they refused to talk with reporters. The Atlantic noted the strangeness of seeing elite college students “chanting like automatons.” Students held up keffiyeh scarves or umbrellas to block the view of prying cameras and linked arms to halt the movements of outsiders. At Columbia University and elsewhere, protesters formed “liberated zones,” from which “Zionists” were excluded. Around the edges of the encampments, the more militaristic activists donned helmets and goggles and carried crude weapons, apparently eager to mix it up with police or counter-protesters. We’ve seen these tactics before—notably during the “mostly peaceful” Black Lives Matter protests of 2020, when full-time agitators helped ignite riots, set up a police-free (and violence-plagued) zone in Seattle, and laid nightly siege to Portland, Oregon’s federal courthouse.
In a remarkable work of reporting, Park MacDougald recently traced the tangled roots of organizations backing pro-jihad protests, both on and off campuses. These include Antifa and other networks of anonymous anarchists, along with “various communist and Marxist-Leninist groups, including the Maoist Revolutionary Communist Party, the Party for Socialism and Liberation (PSL), and the International ANSWER coalition,” MacDougald writes. Higher up the food chain, we find groups openly supported by America’s growing class of super-rich tech execs or the anti-capitalist heirs of great fortunes. For example, retired tech mogul Neville Roy Singham, who is married to Code Pink founder Jodie Evans, funds The People’s Forum, a lavish Manhattan resource center for far-left groups. As the Columbia protests intensified, the center urged members to head uptown to “support our students.” Following the money trail of other protest groups, MacDougald finds connections to the Rockefeller Brothers Fund, the Ford Foundation, and—surprising no one—the George Soros-backed Tides Foundation.
Of course, the current wave of anti-Israel protests also involves alliances with pro-Hamas organizations such as Students for Justice in Palestine. Last November, Jonathan Schanzer of the Foundation for Defense of Democracies testified to the House Ways and Means Committee that SJP and similar groups have deep ties to global terrorist organizations, including Hamas.
For many keffiyeh-wearing protestors, however, a recently professed concern for Palestinians is just the latest in a long list of causes they believe justify taking over streets and college quads. In Unherd, Mary Harrington dubs this medley of political beliefs the “omnicause,” writing that “all contemporary radical causes seem somehow to have been absorbed into one.” Today’s leftist activists share an interlocking worldview that sees racism, income inequality, trans intolerance, climate change, alleged police violence, and Israeli-Palestinian conflicts all as products of capitalism and “colonialism.” Therefore, the stated rationale for any individual protest is a stand-in for the real battle: attacking Western society and its institutions.
In the U.S., this type of general-purpose uprising goes back at least to the riots at the 1999 meeting of the World Trade Organization in Seattle. In those protests, mainstream liberal factions—including labor unions and environmentalists—were joined by “black bloc” anarchists and other radicals eager to engage in “direct action” against police. That pattern—relatively moderate demonstrators providing a friendly envelope for hard-core disruptors—formed the template for many later protests: the Occupy Wall Street encampments in 2011, demonstrations following the police shooting of Michael Brown in 2014, 2016’s Standing Rock anti-pipeline movement, and of course, the calamitous summer of 2020.
These uprisings were not entirely spontaneous. In some cases, activists spend months planning mass actions—for example, against economic summits or political conventions—and can recruit street fighters from across the country. In others, an event, such as George Floyd’s death, sparks popular protests involving neophyte demonstrators. Those attract far-left activists, who swoop in to organize and expand the struggle, often tilting it toward more radical action.
That has certainly been the case at the college Gaza-paloozas. At Columbia, the New York Times spotted a woman old enough to be a student’s grandmother in the thick of the action as protesters barricaded that school’s Hamilton Hall. The woman was 63-year-old Lisa Fithian, a lifetime activist, who Portland’s alternative weekly Street Roots approvingly calls “a trainer of mass rebellion.” A counter-protester trying to block the pro-Hamas demonstrators told NBC News, “She was right in the middle of it, instructing them how to better set up the barriers.” Fithian told the Times she’d been invited to train students in protest safety and “general logistics.” She claims to have taken part in almost every major U.S. protest movement going back to the 1999 “Battle in Seattle.”
America’s radical network has plenty of Lisa Fithians, with the time and resources to travel the country educating newcomers about the “logistics” of disruptive protests. And these activists appear to have played key roles in the college occupations. The New York City Police Department says nearly half the demonstrators arrested on the Columbia and City University of New York (CUNY) campuses on April 30 were not affiliated with the schools. One hooded Hamilton Hall occupier—photographed scuffling with a Columbia custodian before getting arrested—turned out to be 40-year-old James Carlson, heir to a large advertising fortune. According to the New York Post, Carlson lives in a $2.3 million Park Slope townhouse and has a long rap sheet. For example, in 2005, he was arrested in San Francisco during the violent “West Coast Anti-Capitalist Mobilization and March Against the G8.” (Those charges were dropped.)
For a quarter-century now, Antifa and other anarchist networks have worked to refine tactics and share lessons following each major action. At Columbia, UCLA, and other schools, authorities found printouts of a “Do-It Yourself Occupation Guide” and similar documents. The young campus radicals are eager to learn from their more experienced elders. And, like the high-achieving students they are, they follow directions carefully. MacDougald asked Kyle Shideler, the director for homeland security and counterterrorism at the Center for Security Policy, about the mystery of the identical tents. There was no need for a central group to distribute hundreds of tents, Shideler said. Instead, “the organizers told [students] to buy a tent, and sent around a Google Doc with a link to that specific tent on Amazon. So they all went out and bought the same tent.”
In other words, America’s radical class has gotten very skilled at recruiting and instructing new activists—even from among the ranks of elite college students with a good deal to lose. How much more could this movement accomplish with hundreds of millions in federal dollars flooding activist groups around the country?
From its first week in office, the Biden administration has trumpeted its goal to funnel more environmental spending toward “disadvantaged communities that have been historically marginalized,” partly by issuing grants to grassroots organizations. Previous environmental justice (EJ) grant programs were small in scope. But, with the passage of the Inflation Reduction Act (IRA) in August 2022, a huge pool of grant money became available. EPA administrator Michael Regan told reporters, “We’re going from tens of thousands of dollars to developing and designing a program that will distribute billions.”
More than a year and a half later, it remains hard to nail down just where the Biden administration’s billions in EJ grants will wind up. Money is being distributed through a confusing variety of programs, and the process of identifying recipients is ongoing. To help outsource the job of sifting through proposals, the EPA last year designated 11 institutions as “Environmental Justice Thriving Communities Grantmakers.” These groups are empowered to make subgrants directly to community organizations, under streamlined EPA oversight. In all, the Biden administration has entrusted these outfits with distributing a staggering $600 million in funding. The money is expected to start flowing this summer.
The EPA’s grantmakers include a number of educational institutions and left-leaning nonprofits. For example, the EPA chose Fordham University as its lead grantmaker in the New York region. Fordham, in turn, lists as partners two nonprofits that oppose immigration enforcement. (One, the New Jersey Alliance for Immigrant Justice, states on its website: “NJAIJ believes in the human right to migrate, regardless of citizenship or political status.”) Neither group claims expertise in environmental issues. Given that the IRA’s eligibility requirements for EJ grants are extremely vague, however, perhaps that’s not a problem. Almost any activity that could help “spur economic opportunity for disadvantaged communities” (in the words of Biden’s EJ executive order) might qualify.
Perhaps the most prominent—and problematic—EPA grantmaker is the Berkeley, California-based Climate Justice Alliance. The CJA is a consortium of mostly far-left activist groups. It describes its mission as working for “regenerative economic solutions and ecological justice—under a framework that challenges capitalism and both white supremacy and hetero-patriarchy.” The group is a vigorous proponent of the omnicause, embracing almost every left-wing concern as a manifestation of climate change. For example, the CJA website proclaims: “The path to climate justice travels through a free Palestine.” MacDougald notes that the Grassroots Global Justice Alliance, one of CJA’s affiliated groups, “organized an illegal anti-Israel protest in the Capitol Rotunda in December at which more than 50 activists were arrested.”
The CJA website also includes a section dedicated to the cause known as Stop Cop City. It refers to an effort to halt the construction of an 85-acre police and firefighter training center outside Atlanta. Rag-tag activists from around the country have gathered around the facility since 2021. They have repeatedly battled with police—sometimes with fireworks and Molotov cocktails—and used bolt cutters to enter the site and torch construction equipment. (CJA’s Stop Cop City page features a cartoon illustration of three childlike activists; one brandishes bolt cutters.) The group also backs a legal defense fund for activists arrested in attacks on the training center or in other protests. For those looking for more inspiration, CJA links to an interview with former Black Panther and self-described revolutionary Angela Davis.
The Alliance is not an ideological outlier in Biden’s EJ coalition. On the contrary, when the White House assembled its White House Environmental Justice Advisory Council (WHEJAC), a panel of outside experts meant to provide “horizon-expanding EJ advice and recommendations,” it chose CJA co-chair Elizabeth Yeampierre to help lead the committee. Like other members of the panel, she sees environmental issues through an ideological, not a scientific, lens. “Climate change is the result of a legacy of extraction, of colonialism, of slavery,” Yeampierre told Yale Environment 360. As a group, radical EJ activists tend not to focus on pragmatic ways to reduce pollution and carbon emissions; for them, the real goal is overturning what they see as an exploitative economic and political system. Since these are the voices the White House chose to help shape its EJ policies, we can assume this worldview will dominate grantmaking decisions.
In February 2023, House Oversight Committee chairman James Comer, along with fellow committee member Pat Fallon, wrote to EPA administrator Regan asking for more information on the EPA’s grant programs. They noted that the EPA’s own studies of EJ grants issued in previous years showed sloppy supervision. According to an EPA report, an earlier version of the program funded projects that did “not logically lead to the desired environmental and/or public health [result].” Without better oversight and more clearly defined goals, the congressmen wrote, the EPA’s EJ grant machine risks becoming simply a “slush fund for far-left organizations.”
Since then, the administration has done little to reassure skeptics. To the contrary, the EPA has put at least one far-left organization—CJA—in charge of distributing $50 million in grant money. No doubt, many of the EPA grants will go to worthwhile projects. But money is fungible. A group that gets a large grant to, say, clean up dirty parks or teach children about recycling will also be able to hire more staff and divert more resources to political action.
With graduation behind them, most of the anti-Israel college protesters have stowed away their keffiyehs and moved on to summer vacations or internships. But the peripatetic activists who helped guide and intensify those uprisings are doubtless already planning their next actions. After all, two political conventions are looming. This fall, the college protests will likely flare up again, though by then perhaps focused on a different facet of the omnicause. And, with hundreds of millions in fresh funding flowing through the activist ecosystem, the groups that quietly nurture extremists—like those who firebombed “Cop City,” or who chant “Intifada Revolution!,” or who block bridges in the name of “climate”—will be more emboldened than ever.
A Slush Fund for Radical Protesters? City Journal (city-journal.org)
​

Hey everyone! I've been in a longterm relationship with my partner (24M) for 6 years and I am in a really tough spot. I am looking for advice from an unbiased group. Sorry for the long post.
I (24F) am a very independent person that is career driven and self motivated. My partner (24M) is a very family oriented and co-dependent person. He also does not know what he wants to do with his life (his words) which leaves him feeling directionless sometimes. None of these are problems at all! It's just where he is at in his life vs. mine.
I have been with my partner since the start of college. He has been my best friend and my rock. We have such a great respect and love for each other and have supported each other though extreme illness, family death and so much more life has thrown our way.
My favorite moments are the ones when we get into silly late night talks that have me laughing till I cry. I feel safe and grounded with him. We can truly tell each other anything and we trust each other with our lives (everything I am saying here we have discussed).
Though we share and enjoy similar interests, there are some differences that cause us to butt heads. Our work and work schedules differ. Our ability to make decisions and timelines of decisions (I a bit more "go with the flow", he need a whole war plan for a lack of better words) cause frustration. Lastly, and the biggest differences, are motivation and independence.
Since graduation, we have been trying to figure out whats next. We lived together in college and are now living at our homes again as he did not find a job once I graduated (he graduated a year before I did and stayed with me at college) and I did not make enough from my job to afford rent for the both of us. Another leading factor as to why we didn't get a place was because there was the potential for me to have to move for work.
For the past +5 years, I have been working really hard to get a stable job in my industry. Working in this industry has been a dream of mine and everything I have done to make this dream a reality has caused me to sacrifice me so much. But I love my work and feel the most me when I am in "boss" mode. I feel I can make a difference where I work and enjoy the hustle.
I had a chance to spend some independent time on-location in my field this past year and fell in love with it! I was able to accomplish so much and managed to make great connections. Since that time, I got an opportunity for stable work that would require me to move.
Before this point, my partner was aware that my career would most likely take me out of state someday. Yet, as far as I was aware from our discussions, he was always up for considering a move if it came down to it. When the opportunity became a reality though, he said "no".
He has never done well with change and said it would be too much for him. He also said that leaving family and stability of his new retail job is a lot, which I understand and don't take lightly. At the same time, I was thrown off because he had never been this direct with me before on this topic until it was right in front of our faces.
While finishing my degree, we had tirelessly tried to compromise to find a way to make this work for both parties. He did not want to leave me so he stayed in our college town after he graduated and got work to support himself. I gave up a high level internship with a major company to maintain my graduation status so we could stay together and he did not have to stay in our college town longer than expected. I worked from home for 2 years and paid for business travel out of my own pocket, allowing us to stay in our current state. But, as time went on, I was not making ground in my field and I was spending more to work than I was making. The sacrifices for my stability were taking a toll.
At this point though, knowing my dream was right in reach, I decided regardless of if he wants to take the journey with me or not, I am going to go for it and move. This means long distance, which is not my first choice (we had done this before when I was really sick and it was not fun).
For several weeks, I have been making plans to move alone. I went apartment hunting and picked an apartment for one person and I had my finances in order. I was ready to go and I was feeling comfortable and almost excited to have that independence that I have not had in a long time. And I almost felt bad about how I felt, maybe a little guilty?
I have shared this with my partner before that his co-dependent nature can feel suffocating at some times. He doesn't have friends he talks to outside of work, he doesn't really leave the house, and I feel I have to motivate him to go out and live life. When I hear phrases like I am “all he has”, or “I am his life”, it feels like a weight, and I feel awful for feeling those things.
Partners should push each other and motivate one another, but I also feel you have to motivate and take care of yourself and he struggles to do that when I am not around.
All this to say, I recently started to feel like I was giving up too much of myself. I felt like I was giving up so much of my dreams to make our relationship work and fit his comfortability.
Back to the present.
After sharing with him that I am going to do this journey myself, he has changed his tune and has said he wants to go with me. When he said this, I should have felt excited, but I felt worried.
I kept thinking, "why don't you feel excited? Why do you feel stressed or frustrated or anxious?” I was honestly so thrown off by my reaction and the emotions that came up. Meanwhile, he was planning what the apartment would look like and talking about all we could do together now that he is going and I felt that suffocating feeling again.
Ultimately, I don't know if him deciding to go felt like a threat to my independence or if I felt upset I had to replan/rethink a move (location, apartment, etc.). It is probably a little bit of both?
I also don't know if I felt like him being there was going to hold me back from the life I wanted to live or even if I had the effort or energy to put into the relationship like he can and will. Because if I can’t, that is not fair to him.
I love him, I am not questioning that. I care for him deeply. He deserves the world. He is the kindest human being I have ever met and cares so much about those around him. I don't know my life without him and I don't want to know my life without him, but I cannot ignore the alarm bells that went off when he shared something that should have made me happy, but didn't.
Is it falling out of love? Does this happen in long-term relationships? Is it just me wanting independence? I am so confused. (Prior to this, my longest relationship was 6ish months).
I don’t want to break things off knowing it could have worked in a new state and ruin something that was really good and ruin something where there was a lot of love. But, I don’t want him to uproot his life, pack up his things and leave his family and stable job if it won’t work out and I cannot give him what he needs. It is a big thing to ask and a decision I don't take lightly.
Maybe we find our footing again like we did when we lived together in college and everything will be ok. Maybe I can help him explore what life has to offer and adventure together. Or, maybe not.
For the first month or two, we have decided I will be living on my own before he moves down so I can get settled.
Overall, this is a stressful situation that has my heart torn in two. Those close to me, family and friends, have opinions on the matter but have been respectful enough to let me do what I think is best for me, and right now, I don’t know what that is. I just don't know where to go from here. Any advice on how to make this work, rekindle things, or any of the above would be helpful.

# Today In Phishstory - June 1st Brought to you by tiph-bot. Beep.
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Phish

Phish, Wednesday 06/01/2022 (2 years ago) Credit One Stadium, Charleston, SC, USA
Gap Chart, Tour: 2022 Spring Tour
Set 1 : Cool It Down , Foam , Knuckle Bone Broth Avenue , Dirt , 555 > Gumbo > Backwards Down the Number Line > The Wedge , About to Run , Divided Sky
Set 2 : Wilson > Simple , Prince Caspian -> Egg in a Hole > Piper > Prince Caspian , Lonely Trip > Back on the Train , Most Events Aren't Planned , Blaze On
Encore : Nothing > When the Circus Comes , The Oh Kee Pa Ceremony > Suzy Greenberg
Jamchart Notes:
Backwards Down the Number Line - Great versions produce different points to view. Be it 7/8/14's summertime "Line"d up shimmery shake; Pitt 17's huge, crazed sustain; or 10/20/21's incendiary take; this here jam features what the best "BDNTLS" have in common: Fire Trey. Largely straightforward guitar whose inspired improvisation, offset by impassioned Fish, is the best of its type, carrying you not so much backwards, as away.
Simple - Multi-faceted shapeshifter cruises through an array of styles ranging from heavenly bliss to industrial funk, eventually ascending to a sizable peak and then briefly returns to "Simple" to close.
Piper - > from "Egg in a Hole". A familiar propulsive jam develops, with the music initially coalescing around a repeated minor key motif from Trey. Fishman and Mike's driving rhythms provide a bedrock for Trey and Page to dole out a bevy of varying textures. The jam threatens to fall apart but comes back alive via a "Manteca" tease. This then morphs into a peaky, psychedelic hard rocking jam before executing a rickety > "Prince Caspian."
Show Notes:
Mike teased Do You Feel Like We Do before Dirt. Trey teased Prince Caspian near the end of Egg in a Hole. Piper contained Guy Forget teases and quotes from Page and Manteca teases from Trey. Nothing was last played on January 15, 2017 (158 shows). The Oh Kee Pa Ceremony was last played October 20, 2018 (108 shows). The soundcheck's My Soul had Guy Forget lyrics from Fish.
Listen now at Phish.in!
Phish, Wednesday 06/01/2011 (13 years ago) PNC Bank Arts Center, Holmdel, NJ, USA
Gap Chart, Tour: 2011 Early Summer Tour
Set 1 : First Tube , Stealing Time From the Faulty Plan , Camel Walk , Heavy Things , Gotta Jibboo , Wilson > Seven Below > Kill Devil Falls , Axilla > Split Open and Melt , Suzy Greenberg
Set 2 : Tweezer > No Quarter ¹ , Carini ² > Piper > Twist > Ghost > Backwards Down the Number Line
Encore : Show of Life > Tweezer Reprise
1 Phish debut. 2 Unfinished.
Jamchart Notes:
No Quarter - Debut of the "Led Zeppelin" classic emerges > from a foggy "Tweezer".
Backwards Down the Number Line - Fiery and rocking "Type I" version with a nice big peak.
Show Notes:
This gig featured the Phish debut of Led Zeppelin's No Quarter. Trey subsequently teased No Quarter in both Ghost and Number Line. Carini was unfinished.
Listen now at Phish.in!
Phish, Friday 06/01/1990 (34 years ago) The Cotton Club, Atlanta, GA, USA
Gap Chart, Tour: 1990 Tour
Set 1 : Take the 'A' Train > Reba , Colonel Forbin's Ascent ¹ > Fly Famous Mockingbird , Bathtub Gin , David Bowie , Lawn Boy , Bouncing Around the Room , The Oh Kee Pa Ceremony > AC/DC Bag
Set 2 : Rocky Top ² , Uncle Pen ² , Run Like an Antelope ³ , Mike's Song > I Am Hydrogen > Weekapaug Groove , Hold Your Head Up ⁴ > Fee ⁵ , Terrapin ⁶ > Hold Your Head Up , Possum , Fee , Big Black Furry Creature from Mars , Contact
1 Lyrics changed to refer to Col. (Bruce) Hampton. 2 "Reverend" Jeff Mosier on banjo. 3 "Reverend" Jeff Mosier on banjo and Oteil Burbridge on bass. 4 Crowd chanted for Fee as Fish took the stage. Fish sounded perplexed and remarked that he doesn't sing Fee, but Trey and Page started the song up anyway and left Fish on the spot. 5 Fish on vocals, aborted in chorus after first verse. [6] Fish on trombone.
Jamchart Notes:
Run Like an Antelope - Awesome version with the "Reverend" Jeff Mosier on banjo and Oteil Burbridge on bass. Great intro, good jam with a huge peak, and then a cool breakdown jam featuring the bass acompanied with scat singing.
Show Notes:
After Reba, the crowd was chanting "cheeseburger." Fish and Trey subsequently went into a rap about burgers. Trey dedicated Forbin's to the Colonial (Bruce Hampton). Forbin's was then performed with a variety of lyric substitutions of Col. (Bruce) Hampton for Col Forbin. Rocky Top through Antelope featured the "Reverend" Jeff Mosier on banjo; Antelope also featured Oteil Burbridge on bass. As Fish took the stage during HYHU, the crowd chanted for Fee. Fish sounded perplexed and remarked that he doesn't sing Fee, but Trey and Page started the song up anyway and left Fish on the spot. He tried his best and got through the first verse before falling apart during the chorus. Terrapin featured Fish on trombone. The band said "Fee" several times at that start of Possum, which contained subsequent Blue Monk teases from Trey and a Rhapsody in Blue tease from Page. BBFCFM contained an Auld Lang Syne tease from Trey. The source of Set I is phish.com.
Listen now at Phish.in!
Phish, 1986-06-01 Boston Harbor, Boston, MA, USA
Setlist: https://phish.net/setlists/phish-june-01-1986-boston-harbor-boston-ma-usa.html
Tour: 1986 Tour
Show Notes: This show was performed on a boat in Boston Harbor as part of the Cambridge School graduation festivities. Mike's brother assisted Phish in securing the gig.

Trey Anastasio

Trey Anastasio Band, 2019-06-01 The Tabernacle, Atlanta, GA, USA
Setlist: https://phish.net/setlists/trey-anastasio-june-01-2019-the-tabernacle-atlanta-ga-usa.html
Tour: Not Part of a Tour
Show Notes: This show was webcast via Live Phish and featured the TAB debut of Friend. Brian and Robert and More were performed by Trey solo acoustic.
Trey Anastasio Band, 2002-06-01 Thomas & Mack Center, Las Vegas, NV, USA
Setlist: https://phish.net/setlists/trey-anastasio-june-01-2002-thomas-mack-center-las-vegas-nv-usa.html
Tour: TAB - The Dectet Summer 2002 Tour
Show Notes: The Roots, and then Antibalas opened. Trey performed "Thunderhead" acoustic.

Mike Gordon

Mike Gordon, 2019-06-01 Red Rocks Amphitheatre, Morrison, CO, USA
Setlist: https://phish.net/setlists/mike-gordon-june-01-2019-red-rocks-amphitheatre-morrison-co-usa-2.html
Tour: Not Part of a Tour
Show Notes: White Denim and Mike Gordon opened for moe.
Grappa Boom, 2003-06-01 Higher Ground, Winooski, VT, USA
Setlist: https://phish.net/setlists/mike-gordon-june-01-2003-higher-ground-winooski-vt-usa.html
Tour: Mike - Grappa Boom
Show Notes:

John Fishman

Jazz Mandolin Project, 2004-06-01 Stella Blue, Albuquerque, NM, USA
Setlist: https://phish.net/setlists/jon-fishman-june-01-2004-stella-blue-albuquerque-nm-usa.html
Tour: Fish - Jazz Mandolin Project Summer 2004 Tour
Show Notes:

Page McConnell

Page McConnell, 2007-06-01 Lupo's at the Strand, Providence, RI, USA
Setlist: https://phish.net/setlists/page-mcconnell-june-01-2007-lupos-heartbreak-hotel-providence-ri-usa.html
Tour: Page McConnell Spring & Summer 2007 Tour
Show Notes: Carl "Geerz" Gerhard sat in on trumpet for "Cars Trucks Buses."

Other

moe., 2019-06-01 Red Rocks Amphitheatre, Morrison, CO, USA
Setlist: https://phish.net/setlists/mike-gordon-june-01-2019-red-rocks-amphitheatre-morrison-co-usa.html
Tour: Not Part of a Tour
Show Notes: Mike sat in on In Memory of Elizabeth Reed.

Disclaimer that I'm mainly writing this with TMS in mind because I think that best epitomizes this train of thought though much of this could still apply to the entire oeuvre as much as it also couldn't, and I also must concede that for as much as I refer to their use of atonality and unconventional musicality, there are still, of course, converse examples of this all over the catalogue (also with a function that I think fits still into this thesis, as far as their employment of what have become archetypal musical memes and tropes that come from popular western music).
Also a disclaimer that when I say "pop," I'm referring broadly to the canon of popular music writ large(from rock to punk to hip-hop to pop-pop), but also including the more culturally-industrially connotations that we'd associate with the word, as per that intentionally engineered and abstractly effective elementality that makes something have major label marketability, radio viability, and chart success. I use the term multi-intentioned in this sense.
Required reading in general but also this post owes some of its general mentality to this great post from u/mcfartknocker
…
Death Grips is conceived to sound like popular music from the next century. Their aesthetic goal is what Stefan describes as "familiar music of the future," with pop(ular) form as the conscious medium by which to achieve that--the standard being "it has to be blowing systems in 2099."
How does one reverse engineer future music? it's essentially an act of science fiction, namely speculative fiction. One has to ask oneself, what does popular music sound like 100 years in the future?
As in all good science fiction about the future, one doesn't merely blindly guess. one looks at the present and the past and sees what is happening, what has lasted, what feels timeless now, and what feels arbitrary and passing now. This reveals what cyclical tendencies are, what the transhistorical throughlines are, if any.
As per them referring to it as a musical "mantra," (same interview linked above) I think that DG landed on the idea that primal, tribal pulse and "the use of negative space within bounce" are timeless universals--as per the deterministic tendencies of terrestrial human biology, and that the language of pop structure will continue to persist as a cross-culturally unifying global commodity as technocapitalist globalization only expands and accelerates.
Markets accelerate the deterministic tendencies of human biology, bodies pushed to their own respective and communal limits as the demands of both advertising, consumer-tribal coercion, and commodities themselves necessarily grow more narcotic and compulsive in relational nature and technology only deepens the possibilities and power of this process over the original, flailing ape with headphones on.
In other words, pop is both a military-grade weapon but also employs the base 'truth' of human rhythm, mutating in extremity, complexity, and innovation along with the culture around it. The beat hacks and hijacks, possesses the body. Once one understands what the language of both pop and the universalizing primal elements within it constitutes, one has a skeleton key to what will happen to animal ears of the future, in essence far more than exactitude(which is never what matters most in speculative fiction anyway).
Not from the future as such but for the future. Match the mentality that leads the charge of innovation and acceleration in musical cultures and follow that to its natural extremities--how the ape plugs into culture and vice-versa. Not predicting, but channeling. Cyber audiomancy that reflects the future by plunging through the tribal past that walks among us everyday in the core of what infects people most in good beats, and which is paramount when stepping into any distinctly tribal culture still accessible, however scathed or not colonially speaking.
To this end, The Money Store is consciously a post-globalized 'third world' internetted capsule of frequently explicitly tribal, bounce-based rhythms that exhibit tight pop structure and hooks but tend to rest on timbre, texture, and atonality over traditional popular western chord structures, keys, or melodies for its novelty and thrills.
In constructing the classic music of future, the universalizing conceit of the tribal beat, that bounce that, as I think Zach even cites at one point, mirrors the beat of the heart are preserved as cultural universals(as they say in anthropology), whilst the potentially too-culturally-specific factors of distinctively typical scales and chord progressions are eschewed in favor of the rhizomatic, decentralized, increasingly digitalized, fractalized modes of the future. The things favored by space and facelessness; the blur, the shatter, the disintegrant. No obvious regional context or stationed there for long, the slither of a global mind that swims too fast to be defined by exact old-world geographic means of thinking or expressing.
In this is the estimative leap, following the tendencies of where both avant-garde and electronic music had been heading towards the end of the century, that there is a casted focus on fragmented samples that move too fast to describe or locate in their original state, emphasis on texture over symphonic progression, and laser-like atonal top-lines over conventional scales and themes. The quintessence of all elements themselves humbled and equalized under their innate distortability as sound, subject to any bend of pitch-shifting or granular synthesis…"it sounds like a broadcast because it is a broadcast" (again from the Quietus interview).
That is basically how to transpose "future primitive digital" (I link True Vulture for the full phrase but the "future primitive" has been employed by the band many times in various contexts) into musical form; the original monkey jacked into the accelerating vectors of the internet, the hub of an ever-increasingly post-human society (mentally and physically speaking), where one is beset with adaptation to inhospitable norms that hijack and mine the depths and stocks of human brain chemicals to facilitate maximum ad traffic…A 24/7 lighted vista of neural heroin (not that old-world dope isn't neural in nature, but) where one can live psychically, but the problem of the body remains, as the body remains. The ape. The part with the heart, the thing that moves to a beat, that dances and grooves to the pulse of a drop.
Embracing the digital landscape with total acknowledgement and awareness of the limits and benefits of a body is how I would describe "future primitive" in totem, and I think the above paragraph is exactly how musically one would adapt those aspects technically. The primal body (pulse) and the hyper-mutated head (dissolving of all other boundaries and signifiers into warpspeed stew that fires too fast for old-world blues scales).
In 2099, people may not know or care about Smoke On The Water, but will know what roaring bass and shrieking treble means, because it's a matter of feeling, not history. Core and edge that survives archeological time, a kind of musical esperanto meant to be accessible in the future across the globe, down to how so often even the lyrics employ phrases and words from various languages very casually, non-chalantly alongside English.
Another kind of post-globalization polyglottal memetic sleight of hand is how multinational corpo artifacts like the McDonald's logo, brandnames like Toyota, Apple, or Google, original peak-era cellular ringtones, PC system sounds, and the music in commercials are meant to be recognizable, pronounceable(in the case of the language entailed), and sensorily resonant across planetary culture. I believe it's highly arguable that PC system sounds, og-era ringtones, and earworm ad jingles are a huge inspiration for the melodies and samples on ExMil and TMS, and it's also circularly fitting that many of those are engineered to have cross-cultural appeal, unbound by exactly regionally discernible musicality, tending towards heavily decontextualized melody lines or one or two notes overall.
This universality is not quite a humanist togetherness that's aspired to here, but more so merely one of utility and realism--fiercely armed and insured mobile cultural currency. This is the way the world is heading, acceleration and mutation is inevitable, unswervable, one can tap into its power by riding the wave aesthetically as lucidly as possible and rendering something that will, by virtue of its impact, thread both global and immediate cultural-historical lines. The 'future' is a mentality meaning primarily to not be bound by the confines of tradition and persistent baseless ritual, to think beyond, to feel outside of conventional structures, and so the universality of the future music on TMS is just as much about self-liberation and exchange of communally experienced empowerment as it is about wanting to be understood or standing some test of abstract time.
And of course it's the music of the impoverished, the music of the tribe. "Poverty and bass" being cited as their primary inspiration in that one early interview. I think somewhat in tandem with those early interviews where Zach describes this very explicitly cyberpunk vision of how we live now feeling like the dark ages(particularly re inequality) but with all this insane technology that is simultaneously dangerous but also yielding togetherness and progress. I think it's no mistake that Zach also cites arte povera as an aesthetic reference point for DG and this is reflected in the music here too. It's not just conscious of the morays of global popular and personal culture, it's instructively demonstrating an archetypally cyberpunk vision wherein one can jam and smash together the trashiest random youtube samples, old-school hiphop nods, drumline rattles, and drum circle rhythms with Aphex-like sleekness and live-rave intensity with very low production value and/or budget. "Third world in a first world," a more concise and materialistically inclined revision of the old 'high-tech/low-life' adage regarding cyberpunk's tendencies.
"We’re inspired by the future primitive life. We talk about experiencing the cusp of the digital age. Seeing it accelerate literally everyday is very influential. To experience everything becoming rapidly techno and simultaneously knowing this is still medieval times is strange. It’s interesting to think about what you hold onto from the past and what part of the oncoming unknown you embrace, on all levels". (Vice interview, April 2012).

Hello , this is my fifth submission. It feels like it's trending in the right direction thanks to the feedback I've been getting from you all.
I would love to hear some more thoughts because I would like to start querying in the near future, but don't want to jump the gun unless the query itself is ready. I'm open to any and ALL criticism and feedback. Thank you in advance!
[First Attempt](https://www.reddit.com/PubTips/comments/1b2oprl/qcrit_adult_science_fiction_god_particle_111k/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button)
[Second Attempt](https://www.reddit.com/PubTips/comments/1b8cxqn/qcrit_adult_science_fiction_god_particle_111k/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button)
[Third Attempt](https://www.reddit.com/PubTips/comments/1cr7k53/qcrit_adult_science_fiction_god_particle_111k/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button)
[Fourth Attempt](https://www.reddit.com/PubTips/comments/1cy7p00/qcrit\_adult\_science\_fiction\_god\_particle\_111k/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=web3x&utm\_name=web3xcss&utm\_term=1&utm\_content=share\_button)
QUERY
[Dear Agent]
Detective Asaju knew she’d have to face death eventually, she just thought it would’ve been in 200 years. After catching a group of hackers ID scrubbing a simple arrest quickly turns into a blood bath. Surviving a dance of blades thanks only to her cybernetic enhancements, Asaju meets Helel, a man known to only a handful as the devil of Nauru.
Preferring to speak the languages of his past lives, Helel is surprised when Asaju speaks Latin. Seeing an old soul that he recognizes Helel spares Asaju believing he’s found his successor. Recruited by the Intelligence Division, Asaju joins the hunt for Helel and his cult. Through her investigation Asaju learns how untouchable the corporations that run the world are, and how they’ve tricked those they exploit into believing they’re happy.
Helel’s plan to save humanity from itself finally begins when he hijacks a news station and promises to change the world in six days. Asaju and the Intelligence Division move in to capture him only to find themselves ensnared in Helel’s trap. Asaju sacrifices herself so others can escape, but the devil always gets his due.
Asaju is drugged with a mind altering hallucinogen that leaves her questioning who she really is. Seeing things that leave her both terrified and at peace, Asaju begins to wonder if these thoughts are her own, or if she’s just clay being shaped by the hand of the devil. As she struggles with her own sanity and tracking down Helel, Asaju realizes there may be fates worse than death.
GOD PARTICLE is an adult science fiction novel in the cyberpunk subgenre complete at 110,000 words. It combines the futuristic world of (insert comp I'm still looking for, last book I read did not work, that's 4-5 so far, but at someone suggested the Murderbot Diaries. I'm rereading the first but I don't think it fits, at least book 1. Last suggestion was maybe Womb City. The synopsis doesn't sound close but the world might be similar. Richard K Morgan's "Thin Air" has a similar world and detective vibe, but it came out in 2018, so 6 years ago. Is that possibly still okay to use?), and the mind bending and detective elements of Blake Crouch's, Recursion.
I graduated with a bachelor's degree in Cinema with an emphasis in Screenwriting from [insert uni name] before I transitioned to writing novels six years ago and am so exciting to be sharing my debut novel with you. (insert brief reasons why I think they would be a good fit to represent God Particle).
Thank you for your time and consideration.
FIRST 300:
Detective Asaju watched a kaleidoscope of colors dance above the street. The glittering holos moved against each building trying to entice partiers inside with every attraction imaginable. Asaju secretly envied these people. To her, the swirling mosaics were beautiful, but unappealing. She once heard a spaced raver describe them as “unicorn barf,” which perfectly summarized how she felt about them.
She stood beneath the holo of a shield that read, DigiSafe, behind a neon green phrase, NOT SAFE ENOUGH, and a laughing face. No one paid it any attention here in the entertainment district. It was normal for everyone to be in their loudest outfits, wearing the flashiest augments money could buy. Graffiti or not, the holo was too tame to be noticed by anyone. Ironically, it was Asaju who garnered the most attention. In a sea of color her plain gray jacket, dark jeans, and black shirt couldn’t have stood out more. Thankfully no one paid her more than a cursory glance before continuing on their way.
“How we lookin, Garcia?” she asked, scanning the crowd with her police issued EyeDent glasses that brought up the ID of every person that walked by. Almost everyone’s tag above their head was green, with only a few yellows sprinkled here and there. Most were unpaid tickets for overtuned cybernetics or unregistered solicitation. None of it was worth the paperwork or hassle of bringing them down to the station. Seeing nothing of interest, Asaju rubbed her wrists as she watched a woman with an augmented chest that looked like it had been dipped in a vat of pink satin walk past.
“Wired in now,” Garcia shouted over the crowd.
“I’m counting on you to find something I can follow up on,” Asaju said while looking down at him. He was a scrawny guy who looked even smaller as he sat on the ground with his terminal on his lap.

Okay I know I made some few posts about the same subjects a bunch of times but after many insights, I think I have found the ultimate range for gen Z.
Zillenials: 1996-1999
They grew up in a time where analogue technology was still around. They were in their mid-late childhood when the first iPhone came out, they were in high school when people started to use phones, they wer born in the dawn of the internet and social media, they graduated pre COVID, last to be born in the 20th century, most likely to have seen MySpace, they have a mix between late millenial and early gen Z culture. They can consider themselves millenial or gen Z because of how they grew up and relate to.
Early gen Z: 2000-2003
2000-2003 are an extension of the zillenials except that they don't have a huge amount of millenial influence on them. They are the last to Remember a time before the iPhone release, they were the first to be born in the 21st century, they are the last to start kindergarten in the 2000 including early 2004, they were born in a time when social media was booming, early z is the cohort that starts to show more gen Z attribute, and they are the last to experience the downfall of VHS tapes.
Core gen Z: 2004-2008
The first to have no millenial influence. They are the first to start kindergarten in the 2010s with the exception of early 2004. They are the first to be born in a world dominated by social media, they wher in school when laptops was mostly used, they were all teenagers/pre-teens when the pandemic happened, they are the main group of people when people think about gen Z, the where the first to remember a world without without smartphones, they are the last to experience CDs briefly, the main tiktok group, and they are the purist gen Z without any outside influence.
Late gen Z: 2009-2011
They are the last of the gen Z with core influence. They are the last to see the smartphone spread across the world, they are the first to born in a time where smartphones and tablets where being released, they are still in middle school an or about to enter high school so there is not a lot we can say about them.
Zalpha: 2012-2015:
They are can consider themselves gen Z or alpha, they are mostly the cocomelon generation, can't say much but of what I see with zillenials, it's gonna apply the same with zalpha as they become teens/adults.
So in conclusion gen Z broad range ranges from 1996-2015
Gen Z range: 1997-2012
Gen Z range without overlap: 2000-2011
Gen Z without early influence 2004-2012
*1995-1996 can also be zillenials same goes with 2010-2011 can go with zalpha but for zalpha, it is still need to be known how will they be when they grow up.

I am a sophomore in BBA in MIS (Management Information Systems). Until last year I had no idea what MIS is. But now that I have some idea what it is, I have started to find it very interesting. At the same time, I realize that there is so much to learn in the next three years before I can apply for decent jobs.
My very low ranked (>1000) university still follows a backdated curriculum from 2011. The teachers are not good, the course structure is not good, we have minimum technical courses. So I firmly believe relying on university education will be a loss of time.
My dilemma is there is a lot to learn and that has to be strategic. After graduation I would try to either get e good job abroad, preferably US or, get a master's degree from a top 100 school in the world. I want to utilize my full potential and privilege to reach my desired position. I have been doing some additional data analytics courses on coursera and some other platforms. However, I want to know from a professional how I should navigate the next 3 years of my uni life and prepare myself in the best possible way.
Note: In my country there aren't many internships available for students.

I'm going to be as thorough as possible here so please excuse the lengthy post. I'm going to breakdown my previous and current relationship that this has happened. I want to give a background of myself as well to add some context. Throwaway account used for obvious reasons.

TL;DR

My overthinking to an obsessive amount over things like sex and phrases like "I love you" put me into a panic and make me question everything in the relationship to the point of breaking up. There is nothing wrong with the current relationship but getting intimate makes me feel like I'm obligated to marry this woman. The pressure to make a choice is causing me grief.

Background

I have therapist-diagnosed Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD). I suffer from panic attacks but it's very situational and I've been taking a low dose of Lexapro for years now. I haven't had a full on panic attack for at least 6 months. I'm a very analytical person. It's my job and personality, engineer and ISTJ, respectively. I haven't dated in years prior. I had two relationships in highschool (2011 & 2012), a situationship in college (2015), and a fling in my previous location (2018). Since then, I haven't really had a genuine relationship that I yearn for. The two relationships below are really the first "big-boy" relationships I've been in. One resulted in breaking up and the other headed that same direction for seemingly the same reason. Also, I'm a virgin although I have had "outercourse" a few times before. The act of sex is kind of a big deal for me.

Previous Relationship (2023)

In my previous relationship, my partner (28F) and I were together about 5 months, but it was a difficult five months. We met on the dating apps and she was just about the only one who seemed interested although there was someone else. Before dating her, I went on a date with this "someone else" and the date was amazing. We had a great time and got along great. I thought she was attractive and had a great personality. Unfortunately, that was the only date I went on with her as she was super busy with career tests (studying to become a CPA) that she never had time for more dates. At the same time, I met the girl in question here whom, after a few dates, we decided to start a relationship. It was really great but on the second "date" (while being in a relationship) we were making out on the couch and she told me that she think she "loved" me. Instantly, a cold shot ran through me and I immediately started experience panic attack symptoms. Hyperventilating, tingling fingers, chills, etc. Since that day, things were never right. I always doubted the relationship. I could not stop thinking to myself "is she the one? Is she the person I want to wake up to every morning? Have kids with?" I always second guessed myself if I had made the right decision to date her instead of this "someone else". This eventually led to multiple times of the two of us crying because we would talk about it and I couldn't put into words what was wrong. I lost all attraction towards her after she told me she had loved me. I blamed it on my GAD. I am a terrible chronic overthinker. I literally could not stop worrying "is she the one?" "did I make the right decision?" "what will my parents think" to the point where I was physically ill. She tried so hard to make it work and to this day, I feel awful about making her go through that. I ended up breaking things off and felt 1000x better literally minutes after breaking up with her. I just couldn't deal with the uncertainty anymore. It wasn't fair to her or myself. After the emotions settled (a few weeks), I reached out to this "someone else" who I mentioned previously and she ignored me. That was my closure from her that she was no longer interested. That was that. I moved on.
Throughout the whole relationship, I was telling my therapist (who specializes in anxiety and couples therapy) about the issues and he had basically said that the fact that so early on in the relationship you were having doubts is a pretty good indicator that deep down it wasn't a good fit. He agreed the anxiety wasn't helping but he said that the gut-feeling I was experiencing was really just you deep down telling you that it wasn't going to work.

Current Relationship

A few months after ending my previous relationship, I met my current (34F) girlfriend. We've been dating for nearly 5 months now. We went on a ton of dates but never really officially became "boyfriend and girlfriend". This relationship was different. I learned to really just "go with the flow" instead of trying to "calculate" the relationship. That worked for the first 4 months of the relationship but this past week it has all changed. We went on a trip that was potentially overnight. I couldn't stop thinking about "what if we have sex"? Well, the trip ended up not being overnight in the other location. We finished everything we wanted to do early and it was too hot outside so we went back to my apartment to spend the night. I was nervous about this. As I mentioned earlier, I am a virgin, so sex is sort of a big deal for me. I was really nervous. The next morning things got...steamy, but we ended up not having full on sex. Afterwards, she giggled and said "we almost made babies" and I immediately had the same bolt of anxiety rush through me. Not as strong as my prior relationship but this week I have begun to have the same thoughts of "is she the one?" "Is this person the person I want to be married to?" It is weighing on me greatly. I feel like I have to make a decision now because we almost had sex. I'm not waiting for marriage (agnostic here), but it's just something I take seriously. I am not asking "is she the one" but I am more asking if there's a way to determine whether or not this is anxiety driven or if there is actually something fundamentally wrong here.
This time though I still find her attractive but I feel like a part of me is pulling back on the relationship already once I heard those words. I don't know what to do at this point. I'm afraid of seeing her this weekend. I'm afraid if we talk about it, we'll break up. I have cold feet. I feel like if I didn't hear those words or get close to having sex, things would still be great.
Every session with my therapist we've talked about the relationship and he's said "this seems like a much better relationship than your past one" and I genuinely believe that. I guess I'm just afraid of "taking the plunge" as they say. I'm afraid of being wrong. I'm afraid of making the wrong decision.

I know that's an odd title, I'm really not sure how to phrase it... I'm in top 50% of my class, took all Bar courses my school offered, two B-s and nothing else lower than a B. I don't by ANY means consider myself a genius or master of the material. I'm a joker, smoker, midnight toker (but on a 2 month study break). But people really seem to think that I'm going to pass with flying colors. A friend who also graduated with me, whose girlfriend didn't pass twice now, tells me I seem like a "passer" and I have nothing to worry about. Some attorney family friends have told me I've got it hands down. Attorneys I've worked with, both those who passed my state's bar and those who haven't and moved/ passed elsewhere, say I'm smart and they know I'll do well and pass. A school security guard I talk to often told me I have nothing to worry about, that he can just tell. Etc. etc. and ... it makes me WILDLY uncomfortable. It doesn't make me stressed out, I really feel like it's too early in the game to subscribe to doom OR feel a foolish degree of confidence -- it's more like, if I don't pass the first time I know it's not the end of the world. I have a job and yeah it would be great to start making an associate attorney salary early, but I know I can live and take it again in February if things don't pan out. It's not that I'm complacent or don't want it, I do, but I'm not a KJD and it's just that I know it won't be the end of the world if I fail. I have a good study schedule and I'm diligent with my work and that's all I can do for now. But I really really hate and don't know what to do about people TELLING me not to worry because I'm going to pass. And I guess if it comes down to it, it does stress me out a little, in the sense of disappointing these people or letting them down. Idk. Maybe this is just a weird ramble and I should be glad people believe in me. But it feels weird.

I am about to complete my A.S. degree in CS at a community college which I did the equivalents of (CSCI 2021, 1933, 2011, 1103, 1113; Math 1271, 1272) and almost all my lib eds (I just need to take one more lib ed at the U)- all my classes I got A's in besides for one semester I had to withdraw due to perosnal reasons (2 classes I wasn't able to withdraw that I failed in- one was a 1 credit and the other was 3) . My GPA went from 4 to 3.7 due to the last semester. I graduated top 5% of my highschool with a 3.94 unweighted. I applied for CSE as a transfer student but was rejected due to prerequisites not being met (i'm assuming because I didn't do PHYS 1301).
Due to my applicaton being rejected it automatically applied for me to CLA. If I enter CLA for CS, will be able to change to CSE after doing my Phys 1301 (the last prerequisite I need for CSE)? Is it going to be easy to transfer as long as I maintain straight A's in succeeding classes while in CLA?

I feel like the truth needs to be heard. Please respect the privacy of Yuko and the people surrounding this. I have censored the names and PL accounts involved. Some might call this drama but it was the reason Yuko Yurei ended the way she did. I am mostly doing this because I feel like the boo bros got treated unfairly in the eyes of the public. Mods delete this if you must but I believe it clears all the rules. I don’t think this is petty drama since it involved the graduation of a talent.
First off I would like to say that I was briefly part of Yuko’s fanbase as a lurker. I joined right before her hiatus and quite enjoyed her content. I membered to her and didn’t mind her GFE shtick. I thought she was really talented and I found it interesting to see how invested she was into the lives of her fans and much she interacted with them. Then everything fell apart in the blink of an eye.
I joined the idol fan discord to see if they knew what was going on. I was thrown into a rabbit hole that was an emotional roller coaster. I read and read and watched almost everything that had happened up until this point. It really affected me. It really hurts to know the truth sometimes. I watched as people laughed and criticized her fans without knowing anything.
To start out I would like to discuss what Yuko’s content was like. No, I will not post members content out of respect for Yuko. Yuko was not your normal GFE streamer. She took it to the next level. She described how she didn’t want a parasocial relationship with their fans because she actually wanted to get to know them. She would ask for maros frequently, ask about people’s days, write members posts on her days, share very personal stories and constantly pushed the boundaries of how close a streamer could get to her fans. This started out slowly and began to build and build over the months of her time in Idol corp. She then began to say she loved them. She would constantly make references to being their GF on a very frequent basis (not just in RP streams). Fans started to admit their feelings to her. Some were concerned as they knew it was a fantasy that could ever be fulfilled. They asked her if it was ok to love her, she said that’s what she wanted. They asked if it bothered her that people were obsessed, she said that’s what she wanted to encourage. She did all sorts of content with GFE sprinkled in everywhere. She would do very explicit ASMRs and even "indulge herself" while doing so. She even accepted receiving "tributes" (look this one up yourself). She made her donothon goals very explicit with some goals reaching as high as $20000. Even after reaching her top goal, her fans continued to contribute. She made 34000$ by the end of the donothon. Continuing on after her donothon, she would continue to "love bomb" her audience and hype up the rewards especially the "spicy asmr" which was promised to be her most explicit one yet.
One of the phrases she would use on occasion was: "honesty is policy". She promised to always be honest with her fans. Her fans loved her. Despite this, people would anti her fanbase constantly because they thought they were GFE "degenerates". Most of this hate came from her supposed PL fanbase.
At one point, one of Yuko's fans pulled a really vapid stunt and posted his "tribute" publicly. It was gross to find that out but Yuko consented to receiving them so I can’t judge too harshly. Yuko accidently saw it while streaming and freaked out but laughed about it. It was a pretty big controversy at the time supposedly. Yuko didn’t seem bothered with it and continued her normal song and dance. It ended in him getting doxxed by someone that was likely from her PL fanbase. Yeah... some of Yuko's fans were weird freaks... but they genuinely loved her and were some of the most passionate fans I've ever seen. From making and commissioning art on an almost weekly basis to making massive projects and gifts for her. This wasn't just buying her throne gifts, but putting there love, passion and skills to work to make more personal gifts. Everyone was happy or so it was thought... Queue the downfall.
It began around October of 2023 when Yuko started to act different. She began to stream less and less. Fans were concerned as they thought she was unhappy. They got together and asked her in Maros if something was wrong because of the lack of streams. "Honesty is policy" after all. She came on stream to address it. At first her fans apologized for bringing it up, but she insisted that it was ok. She began to put their worries to ease stating that she was just really busy working on donothon goals and that the recent October attacks were effecting the company. She vented a bunch about management and said she would try to stream more. The fans insisted that she didn’t have to do higher effort material and she could just stream to have fun and hangout. The rest of October was met with less streams as her fans began to expect. Her fans never waivered in their support for her even in these times. They were a little worried though. Something was off. (This is when I joined funnily enough). Come November, the Riro Ron situation occurred causing a massive amount of stress to the talents and the fanbase. Yuko went silent for the day. She apologized for not saying anything but it was obvious that it had affected her as she was fairly close to Riro. Later that month she did a members stream where she discussed how happy she was being where she is and that she had no regrets doing any of the explicit streams and that she liked doing them. She then talked about wanting to do more kinds of content such as the Cabella's stream (my favourite stream to be honest) and other kinds of skit content. It was received well. Later in that stream she went dead silent for about 5-10 minutes. She said she was crying during that time and implied how she loved what she had built up. I think the fans thought it was strange but I wasn't paying attention at the time. Later on she discussed getting a new laptop from management so she could stream on vacation. She said she knew how much people would miss her streams with her taking so many vacations recently. December came. She was lovebombing the audience more than usual and sending tweets about how she will always love her boo bros. Her December streams did not last long as she soon found out that she was accidently overdosing on afrin which was causing her some fairly annoying sinus issues and she was likely suffering some other amount of side effects that from withdrawal. She came back and did another member's stream hyping up her "spicy asmr" and decided it would be fun to shop for "toys" on stream. Even her fans were shocked by this and seemed to enjoy it. She talked about her feelings for the rest of stream and her usual ramblings that her fans had come to love. Christmas came and she did a few fun skit streams before leaving for vacation where she said she would try to tweet a bunch for her boobros. She did 1 laptop stream over her vacation and fans expected that she was busy with family. Then shortly after Christmas, it happened. The action that would completely change the trajectory of her career and inevitably lead to the collapse of the once loved Yuko Yurei.
Christmas had come and gone. Yuko decided to recreate her Past Life account on twitter after tweeting something vaguely bad was happening within idol but that eventually things would be "so back". While that was happening, word spread on twitter, 4chan, and the fan discord that her PL was back, The fans were worried but went to go support her anyways. It didn't matter where she went, they would follow. She hinted at reactivating her PL account in a members post and if you had a keen eye, you would have picked up on it. She then went to her PL youtube channel community section to address the fans that had came from Yuko and was happy to see "familiar faces". She told them to spread the word that she was returning to her PL activities. All was going well with her usual kind of tweets, but then she made her first mistake. She made a vague post for her members saying that she was at a "crossroads" that she couldn't say what was wrong but that she had greivances and that things might not be ok. This obviously worried her fans but they supported her despite it. That is until she made a 2nd mistake that completely blew up in her face. Whether it was intentional or not, she upset all her biggest fans in a matter of minutes. An uproar ensued in the official idol discord with fans straight up saying they were leaving and that Pandora's box had opened. So what was it that caused such massive amounts backlash? From the outside, it seemed like they were upset that she wasn't streaming as she had promised on Yuko Yurei, but no, it was one worst branding mistakes I've ever seen a Vtuber make.
Misinformation is being spread by drama-tuber channels. Yes, one reason for Yuko’s hiatus was burnout. That much was obvious since October, but the whole truth is that it was her PL account that was the main cause of her long hiatus at the beginning of what would be a long winter for the boo bros. You see the thing about Yuko is that she had some interesting connections to 4chan in her past life. This connection happened to be to the "guns" board typically referred to as /k/. This was fine by itself but the company she surrounded herself was the main issue. I won't go into the serious allegations or even say who it is but just know these people were despised by the boobros. Yuko knew this as she removed her association with them in the past. These two individuals were considered antis to the boo bros. They hated what Yuko had become. They hated the content she created and most of all, hated her fanbase. They were quite vocal about it supposedly. I have heard from the boobros experience that they have sent some weird DMs but I cannot confirm myself. I’ve attached censored images of what they have been posting recently and why I believe the boobros’ allegations to be true. There is more serious allegations in terms of their meetups at /k/ events but I will not delve into this. The issue started when Yuko both liked and followed them on her PL account. People started asking questions. Why was she following people who were antis? Why would she re-open her PL? Does she actually hate her fans? Does she actually hate being Yuko? Are allegations of these two real? Why wasn’t she following fan artists? Why isn’t she following her friends at Idol? Why prioritize following them? The fans remembered the vague post she had made earlier. The talk of grievances and being at a crossroads sent a message to her fans. They took it as her endorsing the antis and that she really despised her fans. This caused the most vocal boo bros to run to Twitter and ask her what was going on. She was acting strange. Then her daily tweets stopped. She said “honesty was policy” so why was she avoiding answering? Fans started to panic. Speculation got out of control. They went to the official discord to share their concerns with each other. People began to leave while other’s said they would wait and see how Yuko responds.
The boo bros did not account for something. Their fan discord was being watched by an ex moderator of hers. The speculation and anger that was supposed to be contained to their fan server was likely being leaked to Yuko. On the other side of things, a Boo bro also had a connection to the /k/ “antis’” discord. Allegedly the supposed antis were gloating that they convinced her stop ASMR. I cannot confirm the veracity of these statements.
Trust was shattered. The vocal boo bros reached out to her Marshmallow account supposedly voicing their displeasure. It is likely she was flooded with criticism, anger, and confusion. Maros are usually filtered through an AI to weed out negativity so I don’t know how much of it actually reached her. A week passed with Boo bros continuing to discuss the drama in the fan discord while the official moderators told them to avoid doomposting and alluding to her PL account. Infighting ensued in fan discord. This where things started getting messy. The 4chan thread for Idol was up in flames. Mocking boo bros, mocking Yuko, and mocking her /k/ friends. The thread was raided by individuals that were either the /k/ antis themselves or people pretending to be them. Shortly after, one of them decided to change their Twitter user name to “oshislayer”. While this was happening, a self-titled PL fan decided to dox them on Kiwifarms. This got spread to 4chan and “oshislayer” privated their account. A week passed and Yuko was still silent until she tweeted and announcement apologizing for making people worry and that she would be back to streaming full time “soon”. She then privated her PL account and refrained from posting on it. Boo bros relaxed. They would soon have their answers and she would be back soon. She didn’t come back. Not for an entire month and a half. This waiting caused boo bros a lot of pain. She promised that she would never leave them in the dark so why was she so silent? As Valentine’s Day approached fans began to get more agitated and lose patience. She lied to them. They waited and waited until some decided that they couldn’t take the anxiety of waiting for her to address things. One by one they began to move on. They changed their avatars back from the boo bro mascot they once loved.
After valentines week, she announced her schedule. Most boo bros were anxious to hear what she had to say but most had enough already. The dreaded announcement stream began. It looked like she was going to graduate. That would have been better for the boo bros considering what happened next.
The announcement stream began with her old intro. The one she hadn’t used in a long time. She was a mess. She couldn’t stop laughing nervously which agitated the boo bros as it appeared she wasn’t taking things seriously. Then she teased it. She knew why they were upset and said she was going to address the “elephant in the room”. Instead of responding to the controversy, she said she was dropping GFE for good and that her old content would be deleted by the end of the week. This was last straw for the remaining most vocal supporters of Yuko Yurei. Her fans were furious. She had betrayed them. She chose to withdraw from completing her promised donothon goals, she was going to delete all the memories they had built and cherished for an entire year. They protested, and hated her for what she had done and the sheer amount of lies she told. Some of the boo bros took things too far with one wishing her dead but the vast majority gave her biting criticism. One changed their profile to suggest she was a bad person and felt he had been taken advantage of. Most of her attached fans told her that they were leaving and that they were disappointed with how she handled things. They left. After the stream, her fans were called names: toxic, psychos, freaks, degenerates, incels, they were called too parasocial despite Yuko being the one to encourage it up until the day she disappeared. Then Yuko deleted most of her content…1 hour later instead of the week she had initially said. Fans tried to defend themselves saying how betrayed they felt but she had just deleted all evidence of her being the one pushing them to be parasocial, to be honest with her, for her to be honest with them. It was messy. Fans wanted an apology for her retracting donothon goals, they wanted an apology for her lying about so much, for hurting them emotionally and for the handling of the stream in front of the most live viewers she ever had. She never apologized and only decided to address the issues in a members stream one week later.
In this stream, she admitted she hurt people but again never apologized. Her explanation for quitting GFE was that she was getting stressed out and had burnout. Then she decided to push the blame to some of her fans. She said she wasn’t getting enough support for her other content and that people only wanted more ASMR and were stressing her out. This was a flat out lie. If you saw what her fans were saying in the comments of every members posts, of every video and stream she did, it was all positive. Now it could have been that complaints were being sent via marshmallow but the issue with marshmallow is that it’s anonymous. Anyone can say anything without repercussions. This invites bad actors to join in and stir the pot. It could be possible that Yuko faced a torrent of harassment from bad actors but I don’t know. Nobody does. From the outside all I saw was positivity. Later on in the stream Yuko briefly suggested that people not make fun of her fans that left but, the fact that she was still following the people that did made her message appear insincere. The now ex-fans took her deleting her lies and blaming them for her change in content as blatant gaslighting. It’s frustrating because I get it. I saw the members posts she was making. I saw how up until the day she disappeared, her fans worried about her well being. I remember one of her last members streams a bunch of boo bros were asking if she was still comfortable with their behaviour, with the content she made. She enthusiastically said yes each and every time. I feel like I’m taking crazy pills. I saw it with my own eyes but I don’t have the proof to back it because it was all deleted by her. It will always be the boo bros who look bad in the face of the public. Yuko controls the narrative. Eventually Yuko began to feel the consequences of her actions. Weeks of donations being almost nothing. The people who claimed to support her content shift had barely donated a penny. It got to the point where she had a stream complaining about her stress getting to the point of almost having a panic attack. This is where she cried about potentially having to work a normal job like at Starbucks or Walmart. Unfortunately for Yuko, a scorned ex boo bro or troll decided to leak the clip to 4chan. This got picked up by Banned VT Memes and went viral. Banned VT memes seemed to have sided with the fans and provided a bastardized version of events to the likes of thousands of Twitter followers with it being slightly inaccurate. Despite this her biggest ex-supporters either just corrected some details and confirmed the rest but had nothing else to say as far as I’m aware.
Yuko pretty much stopped streaming after this event and has decided to graduate. She is now reopened her PL and kept following the /k/ “antis” that started this all. They decided to appear on her PL stream and donate around 100$ worth of bits. Yuko ignored them completely. Additionally Yuko has now attempted to complete her donothon goals that she promised with the exception of the spicy Asmr which was a top goal worth thousands of dollars. She decided to mock the idea that she promised long ago and make a low effort video that was 15 min of her eating noodles. Most of her biggest ex supporters didn’t care but a few people came to laugh and bunch criticized her heavily for pulling out of such a large donothon goal and mocking the people who paid. The comments are disabled on said video. Finally, Yuko has not explained why she’s graduating and said she “doesn’t know”. To me I think it’s pretty clear.
Some thoughts: This situation was handled very poorly by Yuko and is an interesting case study in Vtubing scandals. I am reminded of Nyanners scandal that happened a decade ago. At first I thought the Boo bros were crazy when this whole event kicked off but I did the digging to find the context. I found myself in miasma of emotions. It certainly looks like a betrayal to me. I would have dug into Yuko’s side of the story but she never gave it. She just ignored it. I won’t support some of the accusations that were made towards her /k/ friends as the evidence is shaky and I don’t like spreading criminal accusations without sufficient evidence even if there’s a lot of suspicion surrounding them.
The boo bros definitely pushed her away with some of the discourse they had in the fan server that was meant to be contained. That being said, I think Yuko was irresponsible and hurt a lot of people. It hurt me to see her fans done dirty. It is even more frustrating that so few people know what actually happened. Granted, there probably were a couple of bad apples but does the whole audience deserve to be thrown in with the hatred of the few?
Always be careful what you like and follow on Twitter. Remember it’s public. It hurts to see Yuko get support while the boo bros are scorned and hated. It was never that simple. I wish it could be as simple as there being a victim and villain but more often than not, it’s complicated.

If you're going to or just hit your 120th payment remember that you can request a forbearance!
Started teaching in September 2013, and I changed school districts twice. Lost a few months due to not getting credit for the summer while I was in between districts, but just found out (while on the phone with a rep) that I will get credit for May even though MOHELA pushed back my payment due date into June (my last payment was in April).
Just have to submit my last PSLF form and wait for the July processing to finish and I'll be officially done on paper. Requested a processing forbearance to get this bill off my monthly budget, and if, for whatever reason, I made a mistake with my payment count I can always make another payment and resubmit; I shouldn't have to do that because I've kept track of every payment through this process.
What a weight off my shoulders: I've lurked on this sub for a long time, mostly for the affirmation that I was keeping on top of my paperwork (I graduated in 2011 and always planned to be a public school teacher). I will stay subbed to cheer on those of you who haven't yet hit your payment count. It is possible!

Techno died a year ago and every day I miss him and cry a lot his birthday is coming and I still remember the day of his death as if it was yesterday so on June first I’ll make poem that contains my feelings and emotions towards Alex this poem is only the start of my tribute I’ll post fanarts and pictures of builds and when my soon to be senior graduation comes my jacket will have the technoblade never dies as my phrase the poem will be sent on June first.
Also help me with the pain in my chest for his loss is it normal? Will I recover from the shock of his death? Or is this my life now? Please I’m dying now (literally and metaphorically ) drop your ideas and for now goodnight.