Heyyyy... Long time no see. I'd like to stop by with the results from SNL Predict from last season and congratulate the many players from last season on a job well done!
Results and Congratulations:
1st Place with 123 Points: u/Solareous Congrats on a job well done, you didn't miss a single game all season, and with me posting at different times each week, that's a job well done. And after 20 episodes. You win by 3 points. You had 4 games where you scored at least 8 points!!
2nd Place with 120 Points: u/SullyGee It's up to you if you want to donate gift cards to the NBC shop,to 1st and 3rd place, and get yourself something too haha. You were damn consistent throughout, and bravo to you my friend.
3rd Place with 115 Points: u/shaneysides You only missed one game this year, and this could have been a whole different ball game if you would have predicted the Emma Stone episode.
4th Place with 113 Points: u/bjkman I missed two episodes, but Its my game so of course I did well. And I scored a 10/10 one week
5th place with 112 Points: u/Smart-and-cool Ohhhhh, you played every episode but you posted 1 time after the episode started, and that dropped you from 3rd to 5th. Still a phenomenal performance.
5th place with 112 Points: u/EitherPermission2369 The only other person with a perfect score in the top 5 this season. And it propelled you to that coveted 5 spot. Congrats to you!
Congrats to you all and I hope to see you again next season!
PREDICT FOR SEASON 50:
Next Season I'll be using a multiple choice google sheet that should both be easier to fill out, and easier for me to grade! See you all this fall for Season 50!!
Results Sheet
Be aware if you could not win after a certain point, I stopped tracking your scores in my google form. I did reply to every single one of you on reddit this season though!
PS: Look out next week for the Sketch Sorting Sunday season results!

I was gonna ask extroverts this question but extroverts isn't that much prevalent and I was an introvert all my life, in the first chapters I was anti-social, hated people and stuff. and whole school life the only people I knew were my classmates and yes I was an extrovert in school, not online. now I'm 18, graduated already and willing to study in a uni, and I'm talking to alot people from apps, but I seem to struggle with responding and some of them would unadd, remove or block me if I don't reply in time. so I wanted to hear from you guys who are introverts-to-extroverts

Passed the exam on my first attempt and I am beyond ecstatic!
SCALED SCORES BY CONTENT AREA:

Name	Score
Information Systems Auditing Process	599
Governance and Management of IT	444
Information Systems Acquisition, Development, and Implementation	573
Information Systems Operations and Business Resilience	564
Protection of Information Assets	608

Total scaled score of 564. Yes, I know my scores for Domain 2 are low, but that's alright. I passed overall, and that's all that matters.
Background

• 15+ years of work experience, primarily within IT Asset Management, IT Project Analysis/Management, and IT Finance.
• I have been involved in my organization's annual audit of IT general controls (as part of the external financial audit) for the past three years, which prompted me to pursue my CISA certification.

Resources

• The most important resource, like everyone says, is the CISA Review Manual. I read the online manual once from top to bottom. It was REALLY boring. Highlighted text and created flash cards. Honestly, never reviewed any of it again.
• Once I finished reading the CRM, I answered the domain specific questions in the QAE. Scored poorly, almost 45-60% on most of them. Really lowered my confidence, to be honest... especially after reading the entire book for what seemed like an eternity.
• One name that kept popping up in forums was Hemang Doshi. Found his course of Udemy and went through the whole thing. Quality of audio/video is low BUT there were a number of useful tips/tricks which helped me in the exam.
• Completed the 2 practice exams in the QAE after taking the Udemy course above. Took about 1.5 hours each, and scored 91% in each exam, which boosted my confidence.

Full disclosure, I attended a 3-4 day virtual crash course type course from a major IT training company. I can confidently say that it was a massive waste of money. Paid over $3K for it and got zero value from it. And I really mean it... ZERO. I will NEVER recommend attending that course or any paid crash course, if you ask me. There are many online resources available that are better and cheaper.
Preparation Time
Studied religiously for 10 straight days (12-14 hours/day), and took my exam on the 11th day.

• CISA Review Manual: 6 days
• QAE: 1.5 days (domain-specific questions)
• Hemang Doshi: 2 days
• QAE: 0.5 days (practice exam)

I am not including the crash course here since it was completely useless. Moreover, I took it 1 year prior to my exam. Did not follow up on that course at any point. I started preparing exactly 10 days before the exam date.
Tips

• Your best resource is the CRM. It is really dry, but read it. I set goals of 2 days each to complete reading domains 1 and 5, and 1 day each for domains 2, 3, and 4. Exceeded that goal by 1 day, so that felt good.
• When reviewing the QAE, don't try to memorize answers. Instead, try and understand why your answer was wrong (or even right).
• Hemang Doshi's tips are quite useful, especially for hard-to-understand concepts. One of his tips was to try and answer the question even before reading the answers. This works in some cases, but not all. But still a useful strategy.
• Regarding Hemang Doshi... Again, quality was not the greatest but try to keep an open mind. I played the videos at 1.5x-1.75x with no loss in learning.
• I took time off work to study, so that ensured that studying was my only priority.
• Had to give up time with my wife and kids, which was extremely difficult. But, I was motivated to do so knowing that I was working towards a target. Was hoping for light at the end of the tunnel.
• I believe my work experience in asset management, project management, finance, and audit (all within IT) helped me understand the content better since I could apply it to the CRM content. So perhaps I was at an advantage here.
• I didn't sleep well during the 10 days, but I did the day before the exam. I was much more composed during the exam. Figured there was no use cramming in the last minute.

The Exam

• I opted for the virtual proctored exam.
• I was calm on the morning of the exam... until I decided to run the compatibility checker for PSI, 2 hours before the exam. It failed due to low network streaming quality. I was on WiFi, so I moved closer to where my router was. Failed again! Moved even closer and switched to a wired connection. FAILED. At this point, stress levels were through the roof. Ran it 2 more times. Failed. Ran it once more. PASSED. Ran it again. PASSED. One more time, FAILED. Again, PASSED. Figured that PSI was having issues, so I left it at that. Joined the exam 30 mins early without any issues.
• Not sure how it is when you write the exam in a test center, but they don't even let you drink water (not even from a clear bottle or glass) during the exam. That was annoying.
• You have to have your hands visible at all times, you cannot cover your mouth, you can't read the questions aloud, etc.
• I think they allow breaks, but I can't be sure. I didn't bother asking.
• Used 3 out of the 4 hours to complete the exam. This included going back and reviewing 20% of the exam that I flagged for myself for further review.
• Seeing "Passed" at the very end was the best feeling in the world for me. Literally felt like a ton of bricks was lifted off my shoulders.

I will mention that I always felt that my strong areas were Domains 2-4. My weakest was Domain 5. My scores say otherwise, so that's surprising. But I'll take it.
I hope this information is useful for anyone preparing for the exam. Good luck!

Disclaimer: This is going to read like stupid middle school drama because it is
Basically, throughout all of elementary and middle school, I was very good friends with this girl. At some point I realized I developed feelings for her and soon after had heard from a couple of people that she also liked me. A little while after that one night while out of state for thanksgiving I texted her telling her I liked her and she was very happy and reciprocated. We ended up texting for a while and then I went to sleep. I still remember how nervous/excited I was when I was sending the reply and waiting for her to open it.
One thing about me is I legitimately hate texting and especially snapchat texting. I hate the read receipts, I hate the notification when I start typing, I hate seeing their bitmoji waiting in the corner, I hate everything about it. I always overthink my replies and generally it just stresses me out. Even fr imessage I pretty much limit myself to only receiving or sending information that doesnt really necessitate a phone call.
A while later I made an offhand comment to one of my friends who was dating one of this girl's best friends. The comment was essentially "I regret telling this girl I like her, she texts me so much and its really annoying." My friend ended up telling this to his girlfriend who told the girl and when I got home I got a text from her asking if this was true. One of worst traits is that Im horrible at dealing with confrontation in interpersonal conflicts (my whole family is like this) and honestly when I got this text I just kinda shut down. I didn't know how to respond and so I didn't. Looking back I think I was embarassed and kind of ashamed she had found out I said that when its not entirely what I meant so I just ended up never responding. Over the couple months she would very regularly send long texts apologizing and just asking me talk to her. I still had classes where I would sit next to her and very near her but I would just ignore her. I couldn't even look at her because I was so ashamed about ignoring her which just made me ignore her more. The texts she would send me most of the time I wouldn't even read but I would sometimes pass my phone to my group of friends to read them (I know this was an extremely shitty thing to do.)
Eventually she stopped texting me and obviously our friendship was completely over. I don't know if its related but the timeline makes it hard for me to believe it isn't around this time I started getting bad social anxiety, was self conscious, and looking back I think I was pretty depressed through most of highschool (still into college but I've never been to like a therapist or doctor about it so idk) and if it wasn't for the pretty big friendgroup I already had I probably wouldn't have talked to anyone in highschool. Outside of this friendgroup I just didn't engage with other people. Also after I ghosted this girl a few of her friends, who I was also friends with, (one was the girl who told her in the first place, and had also been one of my best friends since kindergarten) asked me out and I turned them down. This pretty much marked the end of serious female friendships in my life.
I think it also really altered the way I view relationships as a whole as I just saw them as unwanted stress in my life so while there were one or two girls I almost dated in highschool, I never did. Besides hooking up with a girl once while I was in early college I never had a girlfriend until this year, sophomore year in college. (I broke up with her after 4 months because it stressed me out and she texted me way too much.)
Without getting too specific, and because I only heard bits and pieces from friends (since I wasn't talking to her) it affected her pretty substantially. Also to my knowledge she didnt really date at all in highschool, despite being an very pretty, smart, athletic, and genuinely sweet girl. She had one kind of relationship in senior year into freshman year of college to my knowledge with a dude who was a friend of friend of mine. Based on how he talked about her he was probably a bigger asshole to her than I was.
We did have some contact into highschool and one thing I always respected/appreciated was she was always extremely kind and friendly with me even though I didn't really return the favor because I just felt too guilty to even look at her straight on. She was on student council and I was pretty notorious for having no knowledge of school events so she would often text me making sure I knew when picture day was, yearbook stuff, important extracurricular stuff, etc. I would respond but that was it. When we were in the same early college class she would unprompted send me her notes from class when I would skip. (Frequently) Genuinely she is one of the sweetest and kindest people I have ever met and I just feel so guilty for blowing up our friendship over basically nothing. I was only 13 so I guess it makes sense I was immature but all I needed to was have like the most basic communication skills and not shut her out completely.
This brings us to present day and I guess I just want to know if I should apologize at this point or not. It was so long ago it honestly seems stupid I even care about this, and we both go to different colleges hours away from eachother so we don't interact at all anymore. Our summer jobs are right next door, but because of how our shifts are the likelyhood of us randomly bumping into eachother are low. (Hasn't happened yet) (Also its a very rural area so right next door isn't like building to building) I'm not looking to necessarily rekindle the friendship or anything, just everytime I think about her or see her car drive by I feel insanely ashamed. Part of me thinks it’s better to just let it go but the other part wants to get it off my chest.
Genuinely really want to hear somebody’s opinion on this. I can’t tell if I’m just obsessing over nothing and should just let it go. If you were on the other end of this would you want an apology like 7 years later?
TLDR: In 8th grade I confessed to my close friend who I was pretty sure liked me that I liked her as well. Later I confided in a friend that I regretted telling her this because I was annoyed she texted me so often. She found out and I proceeded to completely ignore her for years.

If you just got admitted (whenever you are reading the post) to the university and are tensed about managing your studies and social life. I have been there and struggled a lot - even still am but not that confused now.
I ll try make this brief and share my experience on the subjects that I took in my first semester.
Previous Program: Computer Engineering Just got admitted (transfer) to Computer Science.
(WINTER 2024)

Econ 203:

At first I thought why I took this subject as an elective because it wasn't light study or any stuff that I previously knew.
But I joined the group sessions( more like tutorials) and the TA(Maria) was great. My professor was Fatina and I wasn’t able to hear her (in the big auditorium ) also she was usually just reading the slides and nothing else.
So I started going to Moshe Lander's lectures (90% of econ students do this kinda switch attending ) and I am really glad I did , his lectures are super interesting - you might feel that he is not going the BOOKISH way but you would any way have to read the book to score well, so the way he connected real way scenarios and answer the student's questions was really engaging. I am even taking his online course for ECON 201.
About the subject - If you are slightly well in maths - or about the slope and ratio concepts you will find it conceptually very easy.
Grade curved - YES
my score - A+

Math 204:

Prof : Hamid

• In the first half the course is really easy and you can score easily 80 to 90% in the midterm and you should definitely try to do so because the in the second half you might get overwhelmed as the vectors gets introduced.
• Don’t worry much about Vector spaces and their conditions - try to understand on the concepts more.
• For this and Math 205 definitely practice previous exams because I was very lucky enough to get a nearly cloned Midterm and Final.

Scored - A+

MATH 205 :

Prof: Andreea Panait

• Let's talk about Dinosaur in the room!
• I literally cried after the first lecture ( as I got the transfer credits for MATH 203 - the prerequisite for this course and I learned that 6 years ago.)
• So the pressure of blending into new culture finding a part-time job in the new city - hardly having any social life all of them kicked in the exact moment.

-But I tried my best to clear as many doubts as I had with the Prof. Leonard videos on youtube ( caution - he explains really well but in deep so check on what you really need to know and search that topic particularly to save time)

• My professor is a real GEM (Andreea Panait) in this course. -She teaches as many sums as possible in the class and always ays ready to help in her office hours as well as really kind grader (midterm).
• Do as many previous exams as possible.
• I ll check if I can provide the link here or not for the previous exams and my formula sheet.

Scored - A+

GEOL 206:

Prof: Alena Perout

• I took this and Economics course because these were one of the only choices and I wanted to get some idea about the environment and the finance world.
• But !!!!!!! - Please be ready to memorize stuff in this course.
• I can guarantee you that you will have to study this course more than any course that you have taken in the current semester.
• The subject is informative and somewhat interesting and the professor explains well and these are the only good things about the course buttt, the facts:
• The quizzes are really really very tricky and from what I know if you get 70% its like 100%.
• Be aware to check each and every answer in every quiz when you get your copy. (There's no midterm).
• Make as detailed assignment as you can to score more.
• Yes I feel it was curved in the end but not much.
• My advice would be to avoid the course if you are not exceptional in studies.

Scored - A
I still have not found a part time job or have a good social life but I am trying to involve more and may be in the fall I might think about joining any club if I get some time.
All in all if I can do it after being working full time for last 3 years and not touching the book of maths since last 6 years then yes you can do it too!!!.
Thanks:)

Hi, I am Presley, a 14 year old alter with a few years of developmental delays in a 22 year old body. Since I came back 3 months ago, I noticed that the other ones in me who are adults are so open about their DID and are finding their own communities within their interests during our study break. I don’t know how to summarise any of the paragraphs below.
I want to have friends too! I want to join activities I like! I want to stop masking my autism! But every time I come out, my parents [body] say I need to stop acting like a strange person because I don’t speak normally, I don’t behave normally, and I don’t express normally. Normal meaning people without special needs. I was diagnosed with both as a child. The outer world gatekeeper (also an emotional protector) in my body told me this socialising with people inside a consistent imaginary world in my head for many years and not knowing what is going on externally is called dissociative identity disorder. She told me that we are now bodily an adult with adult things and I need to be a “big sister” now to teenagers 👀. So weird. The body was 14 years old when I last came out!
I went to lots of therapy in childhood and I carry lots of autism symptoms in what they call “an ableist world”, so the adult alters experience it a lot less. Context: the body has had moderate special needs and was advised to attend a special school, but my parents decided not to comply, and the body “miraculously recovered” at age 12 when a lot of alters like me disappeared 🙃. I used to mask all the time but not anymore because I get so tired and I still don’t get it right. Other alters aren’t masking and people don’t look at them weirdly at all, but every time I go outside, people looked at me because of my hand gestures, facial expressions and voice+sounds — according to other alters and my family. My parents [body] scolded me both when I masked + didn’t mask and refused to talk to me until I resume being a “normal person”, that is when I no longer interact with this world. They threatened to report this to the psychiatrist and psychologist to get me fixed if I act like this and they spot it one more time. Staff in public always make angry sounds whenever I approach them for help. All of this is making me uncomfortable.
I feel like nobody wants me all over again, especially when the negative memory gatekeeper and the inner world gatekeeper (also an intellectual protector) said it’s better if I don’t come out at all to avoid stirring trouble for them. But the positive memory gatekeeper countered this by implementing an internal programme to integrate me to the rest of them. She even searched for activities that I like, but those organisations say it’s only for normal people and someone like me is unwelcome. But I really want friends with special needs and attend activities with people that won’t look down on me. Last time I went to an activity, it was 4 years of gymnastics from body ages 10-14, and I was stuck with children between 4-9 years old without levelling up for the entire time due to learning difficult. I was also ignored by my former classmates whom I tried to befriend after they levelled up a year later and I developed my later diagnosed social anxiety disorder from all my bad socialising experiences.
My point is, I question if I could interact with others at all. The neutral memory gatekeeper suggested that I go to a social centre for people with special needs, but they aren’t taking me in anymore because the staff saw one of us years ago as a volunteer and believed that I didn’t need any support. The positive memory gatekeeper, who takes care of alters with more impactful special needs, tried to get me touch with the counsellor whom she used to work with, but she does not seem to be contactable anymore because she’s not answering our emails. This makes me sad because she was very helpful to the others.
Nowadays, whenever the other alters bring me up to their friends externally, they always sound worried or embarrassed. The academic alter (also a verbal protector) in my system likes to pretend that I don’t exist to carry the strong person image in front of her social circle. Their social circles don’t seem interested to meet me and the negative memory gatekeeper has a friend who even said he wanted to give me hate comments for being this way. Context: the negative memory gatekeeper makes online friends who have controversial views and they engage in taboo topics together. There are 5 gatekeepers in my system and they’re all mentioned in this post.
I feel lonely. There’s still so much about me that is hard for me to accept, let alone embrace. Other people now talk about neurodivergence these days online and it’s so alien to me. I feel like I don’t belong anywhere. I’ve spent more than an hour texting these thoughts and feelings into this post. I just want someone to understand me and to reach me out. Please.

I was introduced to a guy for arranged marriage by our parents, and we decided to take the process organically. After meeting him for 4 times, I took him to a birthday party of a close friend of mine to see how he is like in social situations.
He wished my friend and sat in the middle of the party along with me and chatted with me for a bit. I then left to help my friends setup the party and chat with them. He remained there on his phone and being by himself. I didn't want to push him much because he had mentioned previously he was introverted. I didn't see him take initiative to come and connect with my friends. when i went and sat next to him before drinks round started, he was chatting with me but i still didn't see him try to connect with my friends etc., He seemed so low-key .. I asked him why he seemed detached and if he was uncomfortable being at the party .. he said well as I had told you before I like to listen and observe more in new settings. I am not sure what he meant by then but we went along. At one point, after not seeing him engage actively, me and my friends thought he was uncomfortable and he was hesitant to say it so we gently pointed him to other employees at the party from his company in case he wanted to mingle. He thanked us and continued to be low key. I again asked him if he was uncomfortable and he said he was fine and that he liked to listen and observe and that he was exhausted being there. By that point, my friends who were hosting the party felt he was not really interested in the party or them, and I became closed off to him by the end because i felt he was being cold.
I confronted him again the next day and he seemed annoyed and said as he had mentioned he liked to listen and observe and also that he was very tired because he hadn't slept well the night before the party. Another thing he said was I had told him to introduce himself as a 'friend' when he asked what to introduce himself as at the party. I meant that as a generic label to introduce himself to people who were not in the know about us being prospective partners. He said he took that to mean he had to dial down the emotional engagement and that there were no expectations at the party. And that if I had told him I was taking him to the party to assess his social skills and told him my preferences/expectations, he would have had a very different approach. He is now accusing me and my friends of pushing him around and also taking him to a party to assess him without his knowledge when he had already mentioned he was introverted. I don't know what to say - all that me and my friends were trying to do was make him comfortable and not make him feel like pushing him around. I didn't mean it to feel like a test to him - all I was trying to do was understand our social compatibility.

Just curious, I once maxed the 2016 8th grade reading STAAR test without studying. What would this say about my verbal abilities? I have ADHD and was diagnosed with major depression at the time. I never turned an assignment on time and rarely turned in homework. I’m not aware of any correlations to iq with said test. I’m curious to see you thoughts on this. Thanks

I've noticed a common theme in this sub is regret, and that makes me sad! As a guy with some years and dozens of tattoos, I'd like to put some thoughts forth that might help folks who are regretful, anxious, or otherwise unsure about their tattoo decisions.

1. Always take the extra time. I would be getting tattoos monthly if I could, but I know I'd make some sideways decisions if I did. Find an artist (ARTIST, not shop) you love. Study their work. Look at healed pics. Sleep on it. Wait 4 months. I have gone years between tattoos not because I didn't have the money, but because I wasn't "compelled" in a way that told my brain there is no doubt at all about this. Currently I'm planning a chest piece and I hope it happens in 2024 but if it doesn't, it wasnt meant to.
   
2. Only reputable artists. I can't stress that enough. Save up and pay more, including the cost of traveling to the RIGHT person. I live in Austin, so I'm lucky, but if you live in a small town in Montana, you need to accept that you WILL have to travel to get a quality, no doubt about it tattoo. That might upset some folks, but it saves a lot of heartache in the end.
   
3. Your idea and your artist aren't always compatible. I wanted a particular tattoo for a long time, but none of the folks I trust would do the "style" justice in my mind. I have mostly American traditional, but this was a fine line figure drawing. I studied IG, other socials, landed on a pretty famous artist who I'd have to travel to. Think of a tattoo as a special treat, not a birthright. In that way, you honor the thought, care and planning that must go in to it.
   
4. If they can't pack ink, look elsewhere. So many tattoos look blown out, faded, or otherwise janky, and that's technique. Are their 3 mo healed pics bright, with solid coloring?
   
5. Dont look for deals. I might make an exception for classic Friday the 13th specials (that's kind of its own thing and more about the experience of going to a shop on 13th) but a $100 tattoo is either going to be shit or tiny. This is a pretty obvious one: save and pay the better artist.
   
6. Ask them to modify if you don't like something. I know HAVING that convo is incredibly difficult and confrontational for some people, but do this: remind your brain in the moment this is a wound and a traumatic event and defend your body with all your energies. Just because they spent 30 minutes drawing and really like what they did, it's not their blood. Say: "what if we did this _____?" If they push back, gently repeat, and if they still object, leave. Tattoo artists are amazing creatives, but they serve you, same way as a great hairstylist does.
   

You all love tattoos, and so do I. Set yourself up for success early, and hopefully you won't have to post on this sub, just lurk like me😅

Disclaimer: This is going to read like stupid middle school drama because it is
Basically, throughout all of elementary and middle school, I was very good friends with this girl. At some point I realized I developed feelings for her and soon after had heard from a couple of people that she also liked me. A little while after that one night while out of state for thanksgiving I texted her telling her I liked her and she was very happy and reciprocated. We ended up texting for a while and then I went to sleep. I still remember how nervous/excited I was when I was sending the reply and waiting for her to open it.
One thing about me is I legitimately hate texting and especially snapchat texting. I hate the read receipts, I hate the notification when I start typing, I hate seeing their bitmoji waiting in the corner, I hate everything about it. I always overthink my replies and generally it just stresses me out. Even fr imessage I pretty much limit myself to only receiving or sending information that doesnt really necessitate a phone call.
A while later I made an offhand comment to one of my friends who was dating one of this girl's best friends. The comment was essentially "I regret telling this girl I like her, she texts me so much and its really annoying." My friend ended up telling this to his girlfriend who told the girl and when I got home I got a text from her asking if this was true. One of worst traits is that Im horrible at dealing with confrontation in interpersonal conflicts (my whole family is like this) and honestly when I got this text I just kinda shut down. I didn't know how to respond and so I didn't. Looking back I think I was embarassed and kind of ashamed she had found out I said that when its not entirely what I meant so I just ended up never responding. Over the couple months she would very regularly send long texts apologizing and just asking me talk to her. I still had classes where I would sit next to her and very near her but I would just ignore her. I couldn't even look at her because I was so ashamed about ignoring her which just made me ignore her more. The texts she would send me most of the time I wouldn't even read but I would sometimes pass my phone to my group of friends to read them (I know this was an extremely shitty thing to do.)
Eventually she stopped texting me and obviously our friendship was completely over. I don't know if its related but the timeline makes it hard for me to believe it isn't around this time I started getting bad social anxiety, was self conscious, and looking back I think I was pretty depressed through most of highschool (still into college but I've never been to like a therapist or doctor about it so idk) and if it wasn't for the pretty big friendgroup I already had I probably wouldn't have talked to anyone in highschool. Outside of this friendgroup I just didn't engage with other people. Also after I ghosted this girl a few of her friends, who I was also friends with, (one was the girl who told her in the first place, and had also been one of my best friends since kindergarten) asked me out and I turned them down. This pretty much marked the end of serious female friendships in my life.
I think it also really altered the way I view relationships as a whole as I just saw them as unwanted stress in my life so while there were one or two girls I almost dated in highschool, I never did. Besides hooking up with a girl once while I was in early college I never had a girlfriend until this year, sophomore year in college. (I broke up with her after 4 months because it stressed me out and she texted me way too much.)
Without getting too specific, and because I only heard bits and pieces from friends (since I wasn't talking to her) it affected her pretty substantially. Also to my knowledge she didnt really date at all in highschool, despite being an very pretty, smart, athletic, and genuinely sweet girl. She had one kind of relationship in senior year into freshman year of college to my knowledge with a dude who was a friend of friend of mine. Based on how he talked about her he was probably a bigger asshole to her than I was.
We did have some contact into highschool and one thing I always respected/appreciated was she was always extremely kind and friendly with me even though I didn't really return the favor because I just felt too guilty to even look at her straight on. She was on student council and I was pretty notorious for having no knowledge of school events so she would often text me making sure I knew when picture day was, yearbook stuff, important extracurricular stuff, etc. I would respond but that was it. When we were in the same early college class she would unprompted send me her notes from class when I would skip. (Frequently) Genuinely she is one of the sweetest and kindest people I have ever met and I just feel so guilty for blowing up our friendship over basically nothing. I was only 13 so I guess it makes sense I was immature but all I needed to was have like the most basic communication skills and not shut her out completely.
This brings us to present day and I guess I just want to know if I should apologize at this point or not. It was so long ago it honestly seems stupid I even care about this, and we both go to different colleges hours away from eachother so we don't interact at all anymore. Our summer jobs are right next door, but because of how our shifts are the likelyhood of us randomly bumping into eachother are low. (Hasn't happened yet) (Also its a very rural area so right next door isn't like building to building) I'm not looking to necessarily rekindle the friendship or anything, just everytime I think about her or see her car drive by I feel insanely ashamed. Part of me thinks its better to just let it go but the other part wants to get it off my chest.
TLDR: In 8th grade I confessed to my close friend who I was pretty sure liked me that I liked her as well. Later I confided in a friend that I regretted telling her this because I was annoyed she texted me so often. She found out and I proceeded to completely ignore her for years.
Edit: Genuinely really want to hear somebody’s opinion on this. I can’t tell if I’m just obsessing over nothing and should just let it go. If you were on the other end of this would you want an apology like 7 years later?

PC divers, in your steam userdata directory is the controls config file, and it's the best documented and most capable controls config I've ever seen. A lot of controls that aren't exposed in the game's ui can be found in a bloody markdown file on an ArrowHead website.
You can easily bind an action to more than one key just by duplicating an input section. You can supposedly also use Overlap = 0.2 or a Chain statement to require multiple inputs (the one containing Overlap and the one immediately following) to trigger an action, but there aren't any examples in the defaults. (even with the uncertainty, it's still amazing).

I've reproduced important sections below.

The input settings file can be edited in any text editor. If you have cloud saves enabled it is here: [Steam install directory]\userdata\[userid]\553850\input_settings.config If you do not, then it is here: %APPDATA%\Arrowhead\Helldivers2\saves\[steamid]_input_settings.config Check the cloud save folder first, it is most likely there.
READ FIRST
Make a backup of the file before you start making changes, so you can revert more easily without losing your settings. Should you get stuck and be unable to boot the game, please report this (and attach your settings file) so we can make this more robust. Then delete the file to revert to defaults. You may need to briefly disable cloud saves if a broken file has been uploaded.

Settings in this file

Verbatim from the documentation.

The available settings values are (and defaults): ``` // Number of frames over which to smooth mouse input (zero means no smoothing). Note that this applies to the _movement_, not the position! mouse_smoothing_frames = 3 // If set (per axis) the look axis is inverted _when aiming down sights_ for gamepads. gamepad_scope_inverted_x = false gamepad_scope_inverted_y = false // If set (per axis) the look axis is inverted _when aiming down sights_ for mice. mouse_scope_inverted_x = false mouse_scope_inverted_y = false // If set (per axis) the look axis is inverted for gamepads gamepad_inverted_x = false gamepad_inverted_y = false // If set (per axis) the look axis is inverted for mice mouse_inverted_x = false mouse_inverted_y = false // Gamepad look sensitivity in first component, vertical multiplier in second. // Range is any valid real value. gamepad_sensitivity = [5 0.6] // Mouse look sensitivity, range is any valid real value. mouse_sensitivity = [0.072 0.072] // If zero or exactly one, no acceleration is applied. // Otherwise, mouse movement is scaled by the following formula: // movement = movement_after_sensitivity ^ acceleration // Settings menu shows this value offset by 1, so the settings range of [0, 3] maps to [1, 4], // essentially cutting off the deceleration part of the curve. mouse_acceleration = 1.0 // The first value is the speed at which we accelerate. Zero means we do not apply acceleration at all. // The second value is the exponent applied to the acceleration rate. gamepad_acceleration = [0.7 3.0] // Multiplier of sensitivity while aiming gamepad_aim_sensitivity = 0.5 // Multiplier of sensitivity while aiming down sights gamepad_scope_sensitivity = 0.5 // Sensitivity of PlayStation controller touchpad when using this to move the map cursor ([0,1] range) touchpad_map_sensitivity = 0.5 // Multiplier of sensitivity while aiming mouse_aim_sensitivity = 1.0 // Multiplier of sensitivity while aiming down sights mouse_scope_sensitivity = 1.0 // Multiplier of sensitivity while scrolling map mouse_map_sensitivity = 1.0 // Size of gamepad deadzone (lower bound, absolute value, [0,1] range). deadzone = 0.1 // Disables the Steam input in-game warning when connecting a DualSense or DualShock controller while Steam input is ON. dont_warn_about_steam_input = false // Veteran mode toggle + scale (percentage of max observed input, [0,1] range). veteran_mode = false veteran_mode_scale = 0.8 // How much stickyness should there be to aiming with controllers when looking at enemies controller_sticky_aim = 0.5 // How strong the Dualsense adaptive triggers should be. [0,1] range, where 0 is disabling all trigger feedback. trigger_effect_strength = 1.0 // How strong the Dualsense haptics or conroller rumble should be. [0,1] range, where 0 is disabling all feedback. haptics_rumble_strength = 1.0 ``` 

Default Controls

These include controls that are not exposed by default. Copying this section into the controls file will replace your binds with the defaults for all platforms, but lets you change them all in the file.
I massaged the formatting because sue me. The original is in the markdown file I linked at the top of this post, which ArrowHead saints linked at the top of the config file. You can remove the bindings for controllers you don't use, but this does unbind those controls for those devices!
Since I did technically make changes, I tested this by launching the game. It didn't crash. Caveat emptor, refer to the markdown file if you have doubts!

Menu = { Up = [ { device_type = "Keyboard", input_type = "Button", input = "up", trigger = "RepeatInterval", threshold = 0.2 },{ device_type = "Keyboard", input_type = "Button", input = "w", trigger = "RepeatInterval", threshold = 0.2 } ] Down = [ { device_type = "Keyboard", input_type = "Button", input = "down", trigger = "RepeatInterval", threshold = 0.2 },{ device_type = "Keyboard", input_type = "Button", input = "s", trigger = "RepeatInterval", threshold = 0.2 } ] Left = [ { device_type = "Keyboard", input_type = "Button", input = "left", trigger = "RepeatInterval", threshold = 0.2 },{ device_type = "Keyboard", input_type = "Button", input = "a", trigger = "RepeatInterval", threshold = 0.2 } ] Right = [ { device_type = "Keyboard", input_type = "Button", input = "right", trigger = "RepeatInterval", threshold = 0.2 },{ device_type = "Keyboard", input_type = "Button", input = "d", trigger = "RepeatInterval", threshold = 0.2 } ] Back = [ { device_type = "Keyboard", input_type = "Button", input = "escape", trigger = "Press", threshold = 0.0 },{ device_type = "Mouse", input_type = "Button", input = "MouseButtonRight", trigger = "Press", threshold = 0.0 } ] Select = [ { device_type = "Mouse", input_type = "Button", input = "MouseButtonLeft", trigger = "Press", threshold = 0.0 },{ device_type = "Keyboard", input_type = "Button", input = "space", trigger = "Press", threshold = 0.0 },{ device_type = "Keyboard", input_type = "Button", input = "enter", trigger = "Press", threshold = 0.0 } ] Social = [ { device_type = "Keyboard", input_type = "Button", input = "o", trigger = "Press", threshold = 0.0 } ] ExtraOption1 = [ { device_type = "Keyboard", input_type = "Button", input = "tab", trigger = "Press", threshold = 0.0 } ] ExtraOption2 = [ { device_type = "Keyboard", input_type = "Button", input = "r", trigger = "Press", threshold = 0.0 } ] ExtraOption3 = [ { device_type = "Keyboard", input_type = "Button", input = "t", trigger = "Press", threshold = 0.0 } ] ExtraOption4 = [ { device_type = "Mouse", input_type = "Button", input = "MouseButtonMiddle", trigger = "Press", threshold = 0.0 } ] CategoryNext = [ { device_type = "Keyboard", input_type = "Button", input = "e", trigger = "Press", threshold = 0.0 } ] CategoryPrev = [ { device_type = "Keyboard", input_type = "Button", input = "q", trigger = "Press", threshold = 0.0 } ] SubcategoryNext = [ { device_type = "Keyboard", input_type = "Button", input = "c", trigger = "Press", threshold = 0.0 } ] SubcategoryPrev = [ { device_type = "Keyboard", input_type = "Button", input = "z", trigger = "Press", threshold = 0.0 } ] Rotate = [ { device_type = "Mouse", input_type = "Button", input = "MouseButtonMiddle", trigger = "Press", threshold = 0.0 } ] ReadyUp = [ { device_type = "Keyboard", input_type = "Button", input = "enter", trigger = "Press", threshold = 0.2 } ] Zoom = [ { device_type = "Mouse", input_type = "Axis", input = "MouseWheel", trigger = "Y", threshold = 0.2 } ] ZoomIn = [ { device_type = "Mouse", input_type = "Axis", input = "MouseWheel", trigger = "Y+", threshold = 0.5 } ] ZoomOut = [ { device_type = "Mouse", input_type = "Axis", input = "MouseWheel", trigger = "Y-", threshold = 0.5 } ] Scroll = [ { device_type = "Mouse", input_type = "Axis", input = "MouseWheel", trigger = "Y", threshold = 0.2 } ] WarbondOverviewScroll = [ { device_type = "Mouse", input_type = "Axis", input = "MouseWheel", trigger = "Y", threshold = 0.2 } ] ScrollHorizontal = [ { device_type = "Mouse", input_type = "Axis", input = "MouseWheel", trigger = "X", threshold = 0.2 } ] MouseScroll = [ { device_type = "Mouse", input_type = "Axis", input = "MouseWheel", trigger = "Y", threshold = 0.2 } ] MoveCursor = [ { device_type = "Mouse", input_type = "Axis", input = "MouseMovement", trigger = "Any", threshold = 0.0 } ] MouseCursorAbsolute = [ { device_type = "Mouse", input_type = "Axis", input = "MouseCursor", trigger = "Any", threshold = 0.0 } ] InspectItem = [ { device_type = "Keyboard", input_type = "Button", input = "left ctrl", trigger = "Press", threshold = 0.0 } ] ItemInfo = [ { device_type = "Keyboard", input_type = "Button", input = "tab", trigger = "Press", threshold = 0.0 } ] ToggleMenu = [ // main menu { device_type = "Keyboard", input_type = "Button", input = "backspace", trigger = "Press", threshold = 0.0 } ] KeyboardToggleMenu = [ // also main menu "for technical reasons" { device_type = "Keyboard", input_type = "Button", input = "escape", trigger = "Press", threshold = 0.0 } ] CloseWheelMenu = [ { device_type = "Mouse", input_type = "Button", input = "MouseButtonRight", trigger = "Press", threshold = 0.0 } ] SelectHeaderTab1 = [ { device_type = "Keyboard", input_type = "Button", input = "1", trigger = "Press", threshold = 0.0 } ] SelectHeaderTab2 = [ { device_type = "Keyboard", input_type = "Button", input = "2", trigger = "Press", threshold = 0.0 } ] SelectHeaderTab3 = [ { device_type = "Keyboard", input_type = "Button", input = "3", trigger = "Press", threshold = 0.0 } ] SelectHeaderTab4 = [ { device_type = "Keyboard", input_type = "Button", input = "4", trigger = "Press", threshold = 0.0 } ] SelectHeaderTab5 = [ { device_type = "Keyboard", input_type = "Button", input = "5", trigger = "Press", threshold = 0.0 } ] SelectHeaderTab6 = [ { device_type = "Keyboard", input_type = "Button", input = "6", trigger = "Press", threshold = 0.0 } ] SelectHeaderTab7 = [ { device_type = "Keyboard", input_type = "Button", input = "7", trigger = "Press", threshold = 0.0 } ] SelectHeaderTab8 = [ { device_type = "Keyboard", input_type = "Button", input = "8", trigger = "Press", threshold = 0.0 } ] OpenChat = [ { device_type = "Keyboard", input_type = "Button", input = "enter", trigger = "Press", threshold = 0.0 }, ] InvitePopupAccept = [ { device_type = "Keyboard", input_type = "Button", input = "y", trigger = "Press", threshold = 0.0 }, ] InvitePopupDecline = [ { device_type = "Keyboard", input_type = "Button", input = "n", trigger = "Press", threshold = 0.0 }, ] AxisUp = [] // default directional menu for controller AxisDown = [] AxisLeft = [] AxisRight = [] CursorRight = [] // Directly moves the cursor? CursorLeft = [] CursorUp = [] CursorDown = [] RotateRight = [] // rotates the Inspect Item model? RotateLeft = [] RotateUp = [] RotateDown = [] InvitePopupModifier=[] // ??? } Map = { MoveRight = [ { device_type = "Mouse", input_type = "Axis", input = "MouseMovement", trigger = "X+", threshold = 0.0 } ] MoveLeft = [ { device_type = "Mouse", input_type = "Axis", input = "MouseMovement", trigger = "X-", threshold = 0.0 } ] MoveUp = [ { device_type = "Mouse", input_type = "Axis", input = "MouseMovement", trigger = "Y-", threshold = 0.0 } ] MoveDown = [ { device_type = "Mouse", input_type = "Axis", input = "MouseMovement", trigger = "Y+", threshold = 0.0 } ] ZoomIn = [ { device_type = "Mouse", input_type = "Axis", input = "MouseWheel", trigger = "Y+", threshold = 0.0 } ] ZoomOut = [ { device_type = "Mouse", input_type = "Axis", input = "MouseWheel", trigger = "Y-", threshold = 0.0 } ] PlaceMarker = [ { device_type = "Mouse", input_type = "Button", input = "MouseButtonLeft", trigger = "Press", threshold = 0.0 } ] } Avatar = { MoveLeft = [ { device_type = "Keyboard", input_type = "Button", input = "a", trigger = "Hold", threshold = 0.0 } ] MoveRight = [ { device_type = "Keyboard", input_type = "Button", input = "d", trigger = "Hold", threshold = 0.0 } ] MoveForward = [ { device_type = "Keyboard", input_type = "Button", input = "w", trigger = "Hold", threshold = 0.0 } ] MoveBack = [ { device_type = "Keyboard", input_type = "Button", input = "s", trigger = "Hold", threshold = 0.0 } ] LookRight = [ { device_type = "Mouse", input_type = "Axis", input = "MouseMovement", trigger = "X+", threshold = 0.0 } ] LookLeft = [ { device_type = "Mouse", input_type = "Axis", input = "MouseMovement", trigger = "X-", threshold = 0.0 } ] LookUp = [ { device_type = "Mouse", input_type = "Axis", input = "MouseMovement", trigger = "Y-", threshold = 0.0 } ] LookDown = [ { device_type = "Mouse", input_type = "Axis", input = "MouseMovement", trigger = "Y+", threshold = 0.0 } ] Aim = [ { device_type = "Mouse", input_type = "Button", input = "MouseButtonRight", trigger = "Hold", threshold = 0.0 } ] Fire = [ { device_type = "Mouse", input_type = "Button", input = "MouseButtonLeft", trigger = "Hold", threshold = 0.0 } ] Reload = [ { device_type = "Keyboard", input_type = "Button", input = "r", trigger = "Tap", threshold = 0.2 } ] Use = [ { device_type = "Keyboard", input_type = "Button", input = "e", trigger = "Hold", threshold = 0.0 } ] Crouch = [ { device_type = "Keyboard", input_type = "Button", input = "c", trigger = "Press", threshold = 0.0 } ] Prone = [ { device_type = "Keyboard", input_type = "Button", input = "z", trigger = "Press", threshold = 0.0 } ] Climb = [ { device_type = "Keyboard", input_type = "Button", input = "space", trigger = "Hold", threshold = 0.0 } ] Sprint = [ { device_type = "Keyboard", input_type = "Button", input = "left shift", trigger = "Hold", threshold = 0.0 } ] Dodge = [ { device_type = "Keyboard", input_type = "Button", input = "left alt", trigger = "Press", threshold = 0.0 } ] Melee = [ // Patriot Parry { device_type = "Keyboard", input_type = "Button", input = "f", trigger = "Press", threshold = 0.0 } ] QuickStim = [ // a control so handy they { // yote what it's quicker than device_type = "Keyboard", input_type = "Button", input = "v", trigger = "Press", threshold = 0.0 } ] ChangeEquipmentQuickGrenade = [ // press to throw { device_type = "Keyboard", input_type = "Button", input = "g", trigger = "Hold", threshold = 0.0 } ] ChangeEquipmentPrimary = [ // Change to primary weapon { device_type = "Keyboard", input_type = "Button", input = "1", trigger = "Press", threshold = 0.0 } ] ChangeEquipmentSecondary= [ // Change to secondary weapon { device_type = "Keyboard", input_type = "Button", input = "2", trigger = "Press", threshold = 0.0 } ] ChangeEquipmentSupport = [ // Change to support weapon { device_type = "Keyboard", input_type = "Button", input = "3", trigger = "Press", threshold = 0.0 } ] ChangeEquipmentGrenade= [ // equip then fire to throw { device_type = "Keyboard", input_type = "Button", input = "4", trigger = "Press", threshold = 0.0 } ] SwitchAimMode = [ // between ADS and 3rd person { device_type = "Mouse", input_type = "Button", input = "MouseButtonMiddle", trigger = "Press", threshold = 0.0 } ] CameraSwitchSide = [ // from shoulder to shoulder { device_type = "Mouse", input_type = "Button", input = "MouseButton4", trigger = "Press", threshold = 0.0 } ] Map = [ { device_type = "Keyboard", input_type = "Button", input = "tab", trigger = "Press", threshold = 0.0 } ] WeaponFunctionUp = [ { device_type = "Mouse", input_type = "Axis", input = "MouseWheel", trigger = "Y+", threshold = 0.0 } ] WeaponFunctionDown = [ { device_type = "Mouse", input_type = "Axis", input = "MouseWheel", trigger = "Y-", threshold = 0.0 } ] WeaponFunctionLeft = [ { device_type = "Mouse", input_type = "Button", input = "MouseButtonLeft", trigger = "Press", threshold = 0.0 } ] WeaponFunctionRight = [ { device_type = "Mouse", input_type = "Button", input = "MouseButtonRight", trigger = "Press", threshold = 0.0 } ] BackpackFunction = [ { device_type = "Keyboard", input_type = "Button", input = "5", trigger = "Press", threshold = 0.0 }, ] WeaponFunctionOpen = [ { device_type = "Keyboard", input_type = "Button", input = "r", trigger = "LongPress", threshold = 0.2 } ] DropOpen = [ { device_type = "Keyboard", input_type = "Button", input = "x", trigger = "Press", threshold = 0.0 } ] ChangeEquipmentContextSensitiveShort=[] ChangeEquipmentContextSensitiveLong=[] } Player = { NagForRespawn = [ { device_type = "Keyboard", input_type = "Button", input = "space", trigger = "Press", threshold = 0.0 } ] CommunicationWheelOpenBasic = [ { device_type = "Keyboard", input_type = "Button", input = "q", trigger = "LongPress", threshold = 0.2 } ] Emote = [ { device_type = "Keyboard", input_type = "Button", input = "b", trigger = "Press", threshold = 0.0 } ] CommunicationSpot = [ { device_type = "Keyboard", input_type = "Button", input = "q", trigger = "Tap", threshold = 0.2 } ] RadialMenuRight = [ { device_type = "Mouse", input_type = "Axis", input = "MouseMovement", trigger = "X+", threshold = 0.0 } ] RadialMenuLeft = [ { device_type = "Mouse", input_type = "Axis", input = "MouseMovement", trigger = "X-", threshold = 0.0 } ] RadialMenuUp = [ { device_type = "Mouse", input_type = "Axis", input = "MouseMovement", trigger = "Y-", threshold = 0.0 } ] RadialMenuDown = [ { device_type = "Mouse", input_type = "Axis", input = "MouseMovement", trigger = "Y+", threshold = 0.0 } ] DialogueSkip = [ { device_type = "Keyboard", input_type = "Button", input = "space", trigger = "Press", threshold = 0.0 } ] VoicePushToTalk = [ { device_type = "Keyboard", input_type = "Button", input = "caps lock", trigger = "Hold", threshold = 0.0 } ] SpectateNext = [ { device_type = "Keyboard", input_type = "Button", input = "d", trigger = "Press", threshold = 0.0 } ] SpectatePrevious = [ { device_type = "Keyboard", input_type = "Button", input = "a", trigger = "Press", threshold = 0.0 } ] } Stratagem = { Start = [ { device_type = "Keyboard", input_type = "Button", input = "left ctrl", trigger = "Hold", threshold = 0.0 } ] Left = [ { device_type = "Keyboard", input_type = "Button", input = "a", trigger = "Press", threshold = 0.0 } ] Right = [ { device_type = "Keyboard", input_type = "Button", input = "d", trigger = "Press", threshold = 0.0 } ] Up = [ { device_type = "Keyboard", input_type = "Button", input = "w", trigger = "Press", threshold = 0.0 } ] Down = [ { device_type = "Keyboard", input_type = "Button", input = "s", trigger = "Press", threshold = 0.0 } ] } Vehicle = { FireDualWieldLeft = [ { device_type = "Mouse", input_type = "Button", input = "MouseButtonLeft", trigger = "Hold", threshold = 0.0 } ] FireDualWieldRight = [ { device_type = "Mouse", input_type = "Button", input = "MouseButtonRight", trigger = "Hold", threshold = 0.0 } ] } 

Demographics: Indian Male, Bay Area Public High School (Sent 10ish to T20s and 30+ to UCB/UCLA), Duke Legacy
Intended Major(s): Finance/Data Science
ACT/SAT/SAT II: 32 (Will bring up to 34-35 if I actually study), Taking it again in June
UW/W GPA and Rank: 3.83/4.5 (Right now, but should increase by end of Junior year)
(I hate my GPA, I got 3 Bs Junior Year (APUSH, Calc II, AP Chem) cuz my grandma was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer which tipped my mental health over. AP Chem can be changed to an A if I get a 5 on the exam)
AP Coursework (Took outside courses too to make up for poor GPA): AP Euro, AP CSP, APES, AP Calc AB, AP HUG, AP Calc BC, APUSH, AP Chem, AP CSA, AP Lang, AP Bio, AP Physics Mech, AP Physics EM, AP Art History, AP Comparable Gov, AP Statistics, University Microeconomics, AP Macro, AP Gov, AP Lit, AP African American, Multivar Calc, Linear Algebra, Diff Equations, Tulane Accounting, Some Notre Dame for-credit course on Israel
Extracurriculars: (in no particular order)

1. Ebay and Etsy eCommerce Business: Generated over 20k+ in revenue and national recognized awards for it (4 years)
2. Corporate Law Internship under Duke Law Graduate (Will get LOR from him) & District Attorney Internship
3. District Task Force member for Transportation Initiative & Paid Internship under San Francisco government to implement a transport plan for Bay Area. Will pitch idea to San Francsico Transportation HQ.
4. Director of Finance for DECA Chapter: Gave $300 scholarship to each of our ICDC competitors (3 years)
5. Santa Clara University Young Scholar in Economics and first and only high schoolar apart of university community action team (3 years including Sophomore summer)
6. Econ/Finance Research (Wake Forest Professor, Stevens Quant Research Program, Probability Bethel SSI Program) (2 years)
7. Financial Literacy NPO: Education on financial literacy intitiative, small business financial consulting, and providing microloans to small businesses (obtained CA Lending License); Providing microloan to URM beekeeping business in India to provide education and jobs to widows and divorced (2 years)
8. Civic Leadership? (Civics Unplugged Fellow, Youth in Policy Fellowship) (2 years)
9. XC/Track (3 years)
10. YYGS in Politics, Law, and Economics (Hopefully become a part of the YYGS social media team)

Idk where to put ECs:
-State Congressman Intern (He can also give an LOR)
Awards:

1. eBay Top Rated Plus Seller (Most sought after recognition on eBay), Etsy Star Seller
2. USNA Summer Seminar Attendee
3. Tulane University Book Award
4. Stevens Institue of Technology Trading Qualifier (Placed 6th in National Stock Trading Competition)
5. ICDC Qualifier (First in State of CA)

LOR: 1. Calc BC Teacher (Got a B in his class but he writes AMAZING LORs and I will TA for him next year) 2. APUSH Teacher (Only been in her class for a semester but she likes me and I will TA for her as well; she also writes great LORs cuz I have seen them) 3. Counselor (This will be medicre at best cuz I have talked to her like 5 times in the entirety of high school cuz of how big it is) 4. Duke Lawyer LOR (He's a lawyer so his writing skills are obviously really good and I am hoping to really connect with him this summer) 5. State Senator LOR (Tbh I dont know if I should even bother including this cuz it will def be mediocre)

I know this is a bit of a rant and sorry if this is a weird question to ask. But I was curious if anyone else has struggled with dating ever since being diagnosed?
I was diagnosed with Chronic Myeloid Leukemia when I was 16 which was around the same time I was meant to learn to drive. Unfortunately, that didnt happen because when they were trying to figure out what was wrong with me I was in and out of the hospital a ton due to my elevated white blood cell count and suffering from excessive sleep.
I was still going to normal highschool during this time, and it was during the pandemic, so at this point my school had migrated to a really bad online program that I was slowly falling behind in due to my hospitalizations and excessive sleep (not sure what caused it im assuming it was my WBC being out of wack but I dont know I never really asked at the time). After my white blood cell count surpassed 115,000 I actually had a pretty crazy experience when I was at the hospital before getting my bone marrow biopsy, spinal tap, and bone marrow aspiration. Despite the fact we had already emailed all of my teachers (including this one) informing them of what was going on and that I was in the hospital, not even 2 minutes before I was going to be taken to the room where they would do the biopsy, aspiration, and tap we got a pretty rude phone call from one of my teachers. They sounded very angry and asked something along the lines of "Why aren't you doing any work right now?!" I responded by saying "I am currently in the hospital getting tests done to see if I have cancer." And their response in a very rude and condecending tone was to say "Oh, goodluck with that 😒" and then hang up.
I will admit after that experience I was pretty much ready to give up on school (especially because I was already stressed from how much id fallen behind - also for reference this was something that was happening over the course of multiple months) but we will come back to this point later.
Anyways, since I was diagnosed during the pandemic and my immune system was pretty much nonexistant in the beginning of my diagnoses. I couldnt really go out much since both me and my oncologists didnt want to risk me getting covid. So I would become extremely isolated.
To go back to the point I brought up earlier about school I had fallen very far behind. I am not proud to admit it but I was considering dropping out or taking a gap year at that point (even though my school wouldnt allow it because of truency). This didnt happen though, and I was informed of an accellerrated scholarship program at a local college in my area that would let me get college credits and high school credits whilst taking college level classes at the college.
So I applied for that program and got in. The reason I even bring this up is because, this ironically made it even harder for me to have a social life. Lol
Because I was a minor in this program and everyone at this college were adults the school had a very strict rule that said that anyone in the program couldnt be friends with other students at the college, I believe it was because it could open them up to be liable if something bad happened.
So this made it even harder to have meaningful connections with anyone because I was in this program for 4 semesters straight without any gap inbetween whilst also dealing with the bulk of my worst med side effects since this was right after my diagnosis, and whilst doing that I wasnt really even allowed to talk to or interract with anyone I came in contact with at the place I was going to everyday.
Eventually towards the end of this program I would end up in a relationship with someone who was also in the program and not a student at the college but this wouldnt last.
During the first 2 years of having CML I did try online dating for a bit, but my experience with it hasnt been the best. I met this one person we will call "pink haired girl." Eventually we started dating and were together for around 3 months. However, she would eventually just break up with me out of nowhere without an explaination. Eventually, she would reach back out months later to begin talking again, and I asked her if she could tell me why she broke up with me so I could have some closure. She would respond saying "If I tell you you will think I am a bad person." I told her to tell me anyway and she said "I broke up with you because you have cancer."
(That is not even my worst experience I've had by a long shot this is just an example. I am curious if anyone has had a similar one to that one I just mentioned or not. People can be very brutal, and ive had some very bad experiences with ppl whilst dating with CML - I cant even begin to imagine what it may be like for people with other forms of Leukemia.)
Anyways, as of now I have since graduated from that accellerated scholarship program, in fact it allowed me to graduate like a year and a half earlier than I wouldve if I had been in highschool with the benefit of also having college credits. You would think that would be a good thing. But I will admit, things have somehow gotten even worse for me because ever since graduating I have pretty much had no way of meeting new people in real life. So I have even less of a social outlet to meet real people now than I did in that program.
It also doesnt help that I still do not have the best immune system. I have been working on improving myself a lot. I changed my diet and started exercising and I am slowly studying for my permit test so I can begin driving.
I will admit I couldnt think of any other way to meet new people. So I optimistically downloaded Tinder. I have no other way of meeting new people in real life so I figured it was worth a shot so I could at least try to do something to be less isolated.
I havent had any luck meeting actual people who arent just there for you know what so far, and I also dont expect to find anyone sadly.
Due to my immune system still not being the best I still have to wear a mask and be careful of covid. (As you can imagine not many people want to have to covid test themselves before meeting someone unfortunately.) I also can't drive yet (still could use uber though), and I plan to get on an NG Tube soon to help with my weight gain since Ive lost a lot of weight from my meds. Im worried that the NG Tube will also be a big thing that will turn people away and cause people to give weird looks. I am very close to giving up on ever having meaningful connections with anyone in real life at this point. If anyone has any suggestions for what I could try let me know.
Im not sure if anyone else here has had similar experiences, but I figured Id share my experience and see if it resonates with any other people here.
I have a ton of respect for you all, and I hope you all are doing well where ever you may be on your leukemia journey rn. I love you all and think you are all super strong. Please stay safe. 💪💜

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/Other_Salt3889
My wife is addicted to the gym and it’s ruining our marriage
Originally posted to TrueOffMyChest & survivinginfidelity
BoRU 1
BoRU 2
TRIGGER WARNING: infidelity, physical violence, anger management issues, emotional manipulation
Original Post Feb 1, 2024
My wife is 30 years old and she’s always worked out and been in shape, but lately I feel like it’s becoming excessive.
She used to regularly work out at a gym when she was in college. At some point she stopped going to the gym, I think lately just due to her schedule, and preferred to work out at home or go for runs outside.
About 18 months ago she announced she was going to get back into the habit of going to the gym. She now had a job where she’s able to make more time for it. It started off normal, but slowly became more and more frequent. She signed up for classes on the weekend (both days), she started going to the gym every day, then it became the morning before work and then again later in the evening. Every single day. If she’s stressed, she goes to the gym. Experience some sort of life crisis. She immediately heads to the gym. We have an argument - runs to the gym.
She’s 4 months pregnant right now. I’m kind of surprised we even had time to make a kid. I understand that it’s safe for her to work out, especially since she was already in the habit of doing it before she got pregnant, but the intensity is not slowing down.
If she misses one of her normal gym session she becomes so irritable, like a junkie not getting her fix. It’s just bizarre. Truly a case of too much of a good thing.
Of course she gets upset when I voice that I feel it’s becoming an unhealthy obsession and that I miss spending time with her because she’s there so much. She has all of these friends and this whole circle of people there that she seems to prefer spending time with over me. Why don’t we work out together at the gym? The gym is her time, she says. This isn’t a case of me feeling insecure because she’s in great physical shape and I’m a fat slob. I work out and am in shape - my job really requires me to stay in shape so I can’t let myself go if I want to.
I genuinely feel her gym habits are unhealthy. She’s over exercising, for one. There is such a thing. But worse than that, I feel it’s becoming a way for her to escape everything else in her life. She never actually fixed anything that goes wrong in her life. She just runs off to the gym to get some sort of mood boost and then that’s it. She also never gets anything else done in a practical sense because how can she when she’s at the gym so often? It’s to the point where I have to do every chore and if food is getting made I’m going to have to do it. I don’t expect her to do all of those things, but it should at least be a shared effort.
People we know have even commented about it to me. They’ve said things about how she seems different, how she “sure is at the gym a lot,” and many of her friends and family barely see her anymore. Some have even suggested she’s having an affair with somebody there.
Please tell me that this doesn’t sound normal to you. She insists this is perfectly normal.
Update Feb 11, 2024
I posted not very long ago about my wife’s addiction to the gym. A compulsion, if you will. She spends most of her free time there. She often goes twice a day, and sometimes even 3 times if we have a fight at night and she needs to run off instead of actually talking to me.
She won’t let me go to her gym and she refuses to go to mine. Her gym is her place, my gym is my place, and that’s just the way it has to be according to her. I’d love to have her come along with me. I’ve invited her multiple times.
She’s about 18 weeks pregnant right now. This is our first baby. She worked out like crazy prior to the pregnancy and she continues to just as hard now.
I truly didn’t think she was cheating on me. People suggested it in the last thread and I laughed. You can tell she’s at the gym a lot, she’s in great shape. So she’s obviously going there. I felt really confident about the cheating issue and when I posted 9 days ago I wasn’t even considering cheating.
I’m embarrassed to admit that after reading a lot of the comments on my last post, I thought maybe I was being overly confident about her fidelity. She usually always has her phone on her, but she left it in the kitchen counter and as stupid as I felt, I decided to do a quick swipe through her texts. She had a current text conversation going on with a guy. I recognized the name. The same name of a guy from the gym she mentions a lot. She’s friends with a lot of people there, went to one of their weddings last fall. I wasn’t too terribly concerned until I started reading the texts. Never wanted to know what the guy’s dick looked like, but I know now.
She was only out of the room for literally about a minute or two, so I had to scroll fast. I was furious. I asked her what the fuck that conversation was about. She started yelling at me for looking at her phone. I told her she’s acting so weird and the gym obsession was really bothering me so I just decided to look, and was ashamed that I did, but that’s I thought I’d find nothing all. She said “it’s nothing! It’s nothing!” Didn’t look like nothing to me. She sure seemed pretty interested in this “nothing.” I wanted to know if she’s been fucking him. For how long? She kept saying no. I left the house because I was so furious, but not before I slammed her phone on the ground and shattered it. She was calling me all sorts of names for breaking her phone. She hit me on the back as hard as she could. I left. Went to my brother’s house. My brother and sister in law were shocked, although my sister in law was one of the most vocal ones about my wife’s gym obsession being weird and bringing it up to me constantly.
I went home. She was in bed crying. She obviously couldn’t call me or anyone else for that matter. She was laying it on thick, “I don’t know if you’d ever come home.” Give me a break.
I took her phone to get repaired tonight. She doesn’t deserve it but I still feel like an ass breaking her phone.
I still don’t know how deep it goes. She won’t admit to anything beyond what I saw. Was it sexting (bad enough) or more? I’m convinced it was a lot more, but she refuses to hand over her phone and is now trying to act like I’m this terrible monster who is abusing her because I broke her phone. Not my proudest moment, but I honestly wanted to body slam her after she punched me. I have never and would never actually touch her like that.
Update 2 - My wife admitted to an affair Feb 12, 2024
Not sure if posting something in my profile will be seen by anyone, but I don’t feel like making another update in a subreddit.
Today my wife asked me to stay home from work so we could “talk.” She laid in bed all day yesterday trying to get me to feel sorry for her, but I paid absolutely no attention to her and ended up leaving the house to go to my family’s Super Bowl party. I wasn’t in the mood to go but I wasn’t going to sit at home with her. It really bothered her that I left. She kept texting me things like “Who just leaves like that? When something like this is happening, who is that cold and callous that they just leave to go to a party.”
I stayed home today to talk to her. She was full of tears, she’s “so sorry.”
According to her, she really was going to the gym twice a day because she likes going there, that’s where her friends are, makes her feel good, it’s “fun” for her. She met this guy there and he started flirting with her. Everyone likes him. He’s one of the most popular guys there. I didn’t realize there were popular people at gyms.
She admitted that she flirted back but didn’t mean anything by it. She didn’t reciprocate very much at first, but he gave her “butterflies” and she just found herself flirting back without thinking. She said it felt like when she had a crush on somebody when she was in school when she was younger. They started texting. At first it was just friendly and nothing sexual for several months, but she’d feel giddy every time she got a message from him. She was really attracted to him, but told him that she was married and there could never actually be anything between them.
According to her, he kept flirting with her anyway and said “sure, we won’t cross the line.” Until they did cross the line. She said she had tried to resist it for a while, but then one day they kissed. She admitted to enjoying it but also feeling that it was wrong. She must not have felt that bad because she slept with him for the first time later that night.
She described it like falling in love with somebody for the first time. All she could think about what him. Is she in love with him? She doesn’t know.
Is this baby mine? She thinks so but there’s always a small chance it could be his. He always uses a condom so she doesn’t think it’s his baby but they were sleeping together at the time she got pregnant.
She loves me. She can’t help that there’s just this huge spark between the two of them.
She doesn’t know if she loves him. She doesn’t know if the baby is mine. She doesn’t know why she did this. She doesn’t know what she thinks we should do.
The nail in the coffin is when she said “You would really leave me if it’s not your baby would you?” She had the balls to ask me that. I told her of course I’m leaving her and I wouldn’t raise another man’s child. She seemed shocked. She said “really? With everything we have and all our history, you wouldn’t even consider it?” She can’t be serious. I told her no I would never consider it.
She agreed to get a DNA test. She tearfully agreed, like I’m supposed to feel sorry for her about it?
I don’t know who this woman is. She was crying the whole time, but not tears of an ashamed or sorry person. They were tears for herself and meant to try to make me feel bad. Feel bad for what? That her heart is apparently so torn?
RELEVANT COMMENTS/ADDITIONAL INFO
OOP

She’s ruined my life, but I just feel numb right now. I barely feel anything at the moment.
It would have been bad enough for her to have an affair and cheat on me. But she couldn’t have stopped when she found out she was pregnant? At least I could have walked away if it wasn’t for this pregnancy. Maybe a still can, but I won’t know for sure until I get some test results. She’s almost positive the baby is mine. Im stuck dealing with her forever then. My child will grow up with divorced parents. Their mom will be the gym bike. Maybe she’ll even take off to live near her family and take my kid with her. Oh but then she couldn’t be near the guy who gives her butterflies and fucks her in gym changing rooms. The thrill, the excitement, how can I even blame her?
She’s ruined fatherhood for me, whether this is my kid or not. If by some chance this isn’t my baby and I’m able to completely break free, how will I not think of this one day when I start a family? I was so fucking happy to have this baby with her. I was really excited, even though we hadn’t planned for it right now. We have names picked out. I’ve been there for everything and now she does this to me. Not only me, but this poor kid regardless of who their father is.

~
OOP

She’s saying “I’ll never go back to the gym again. I’ll never talk to him again.” But she can’t say whether she’s in love with him or not? What kind of idiot does she think I am?

TTIsurvivors

She still thinks there is hope to save your relationship? Jesus Christ.

OOP

Yeah, I believe she still thinks there’s a chance I’ll agree to raise another man’s child with her. She doesn’t take me seriously when I say there’s no way I’d do that. She is dependent on me. She probably wouldn’t leave me if I knocked somebody else up and wanted her to play mommy. I know that sounds terrible and it’s nothing I’d ever do but I feel like she’d be mad and she’d go screw somebody else to get back at me but she probably would be too scared to actually leave me. I don’t feel the same way about leaving her. I’m sad to leave her. I don’t want this to be our reality. I can’t even say that I completely hate her yet. But I won’t raise another man’s child. If she feels so strongly about that guy and he’s so wonderful, go get together with him then and leave everyone else alone.

~

She was practically on her knees yesterday saying “I won’t go back to the gym. I won’t ever contact him again.” I feel like that doesn’t really mesh with the fact that she doesn’t even know if she’s in love with him or not. She obviously still has very strong feelings for him, which are probably coming more from between her legs than her actual heart but doesn’t really matter either way to me.
I think despite anything to do with him, she’s dependent on me in a way. For stability, maybe. Just out of comfort, maybe. We’ve been together since she was 20 years old, so I’m just this familiar person I guess. She has her gym friends out here but other than that she has no family or friends out here. She makes pretty good money, but I make more and all of our benefits are through me. Even with her good salary, it would be difficult to survive on her own as a single mom here with all of the daily living expenses, or at least live anywhere near the level she wants to live at.

~

Today is the day she was crying all night about how she’s ruined her life. She seemed genuine, like reality is hitting her, but I didn’t pay any attention to her at all. I just pretended she wasn’t there.
I did ask her if she’ll get blood drawn for a paternity test. I asked her to please not hurt me further by keeping me in limbo about that for months. She said she doesn’t want to.

OOP on if he got a lawyer and if he ever met the AP

I’m meeting with a lawyer next week and will see what they advise.
How can she parade me around when I’ve never been allowed to go to her gym? I’ve met two of the people, a slightly older married couple.
Yes, I met the AP. Last summer he called her because he was drunk at a bar and couldn’t drive home, so he called her to come get him. I didn’t think it was a good idea for her to go pick somebody up late at night, so I went with her.
I want her out of the house but I don’t necessarily want her to fly back home to where she’s from just yet. If this is my kid and she gives birth out here I’ll be in a much better position. If she leaves and goes home to her parents, she could very well be allowed to stay there and that would be considered the baby’s place of residence.
She missed a few days of work, but she has gone to work since all of this happened. She was having a meltdown this morning and I left for work. She told me had to go in late today and when she got there everybody was making her food and tea and stuff. She obviously didn’t tell them what really happened.

How long the affair was happening

She claims they’ve been sleeping together since the summer. Thats just what she claims, of course.

My wife is moving in with her AP, they’re “in love” Feb 22, 2024
My life has been reduced to a trashy daytime talk show.
The woman who was once my wife, who I considered a classy woman, has turned into complete trailer trash.
Today she announced that she’s moving in with her affair partner from the gym. She’s pregnant, might be his kid, might be mine. She’s too embarrassed to go get blood drawn for a paternity test.
She spent about a week trying to get my attention, to get me to talk to her, to get me to beg her to be mine. I didn’t fall for any of it. I’ve largely been ignoring her and when we have to speak I keep it very brief. We’ve been living together this whole time, but I’m in a different room now and functioning separate from her in all ways.
So, her pouting and trying to get me to pay attention to her and give her a gold star for not going to the gym for 5 days in a row didn’t work. Today she texted me to say she is moving in with him.
Somehow I still care about this person. I’ve already met with a lawyer though. I can care about her as a human being and possible mother of my child without being married to her. Still, it stung to hear her say she was going to be with him. I told her it wasn’t a smart move to leave the house. I’ve even told her she should probably meet with a lawyer. She doesn’t care about anything I have to say. I don’t think she needs to move in with anybody. I actually feel bad for her that she can’t just be on her own.
I asked her if he actually knew she was pregnant and wanted to know what story she’s been telling him this whole time. She said he knows and he doesn’t care if it’s my baby, he loves her and wants to be with her. Bizarre. You can’t find anyone else? Somebody who isn’t a married, pregnant woman? Why would you take that on? Doesn’t make sense to me. He’s scum but he’s good looking scum who apparently is gainfully employed and owns his own home, so you can’t tell me that my married, pregnant wife is your only option here. I just can’t imagine being a single guy like that and wanting to put up with this baggage when I could have other options.
And if this really is my baby then what? They’ll live with my wife and this weasel 50% of the time?
I don’t know how my life turned into this mess. And she thinks it’s embarrassing to have to go get blood drawn?!?!
My wife has agreed to a paternity test Feb 29, 2024
My wife moved in with her AP last weekend. She didn’t take very much at all. Most of her stuff is still in our house. I still get the feeling she was just waiting for me to beg her to come home, but I didn’t reach out to her at all after she left.
It was a strange mixture of relief, anger, and sadness. I don’t think I ate at all until last night. Just never felt hungry. Drank a little too much. But I’m fine.
I’m posting this update because I’ve received a ton of messages from people and honestly it’s emotionally draining to respond to each one and to have to type the same stuff out. I just don’t feel like talking about her that much.
So this morning she texted me to say her AP wants to get a DNA test done, so she’s going to do it. Look at that, didn’t matter when I wanted one but now that he has requested it she suddenly thinks it’s a great idea. She asked if I wanted to submit a sample because it’ll be cheaper to have 2 dads tested as part of one package. I don’t even care about the cost at this point, I just want an answer.
I don’t have to see or interact with them at all. I just have to make my own appointment with the lab to get my cheek swabbed. So this Saturday I’m going to do that and we should have the results within a week.
I’ll take what I can get at this point because it’s better than her dragging this out for another 20 weeks.
So that’s it. I’m fine. I’m going to work every day. Trying to function. Just feel stuck in limbo. I miss her. Honestly, I hate that she’s there with him. It makes me sick. Part of me does want to beg her to come home. It’ll be even worse if I find out that it’s my baby and she’s there with him. Unless he drops her at that news. I won’t let myself beg her. I won’t play any of those games with her.
RELEVANT COMMENTS/UPDATES
March 8, 2024
TTIsurvivors

Have you gotten the paternity test results?

OOP

At 11:00 this morning I got the news that I’m the father. I feel incredibly conflicted right now.

jacobe_bryant8

Is she asking to come back home? Or is she still planning on staying with the other guy? Regardless this is a rough situation I’m sorry for you bro.

OOP

We haven’t talked.

jacobe_bryant8

Understandable but I think that you should try and set up a meeting with her somewhere public to discuss the pregnancy and the future in general with her. Whether or not your marriage is going to end the kid is still going to be a big part of your lives so it would be best to see where both of you stand in that regard. Also I recall you saying earlier that you think that your wife would listen to what her affair partner would say to her (or something similar to that) so now that it’s not his kid I would be concerned about him pressuring her into getting a abortion. So I think you really should talk to your wife about your unborn child and whatnot.

OOP

We definitely need to talk, but I got the news in the middle of a work day so I wasn’t in the mood to have a full blown conversation with her. I think I need to sort of wrap my head around the reality of it all before I say too much to her anyway.

And update on my wife’s affair and pregnancy March 15, 2024
My wife has been having an affair with a guy she met at the gym for at least nearly a year. She’s around 22 weeks pregnant right now. She was somewhere around 17 weeks when I discovered she was cheating. She maintained that she was positive I was the father, but then refused to get a paternity test done to ease my mind.
We recently had a paternity test done (at the request of her affair partner) and it proves the baby is mine. It’s been very mixed emotions for me, very up and down. Originally I thought I just wanted to be completely done with her and not have any lifelong ties in the form of a full blown human being we shared, but I was sort of happy or relieved when I got the results. I’d already had it in my mind that I was going to be a father for months before I found out she was cheating. Sometimes I just have moments where I can’t believe this is my life, that this is the situation that my kid will be born into and I hate her for it.
She’s still living with him. All of her belongings are still here in our house. I refuse to do the work of packing everything up for her. She doesn’t seem concerned about taking any her things, beyond the essentials.
After we got the news that I’m the baby’s father, she texted me to say she’s glad I’m the father and that she knows I’ll be a great dad. She was texting me new baby name ideas last night. She’s tried calling but I ignore the calls. I only speak with her via text. This morning she asked if she could come by and get a few things. I told her it was fine, as I’ve been advised by my lawyer to not prevent her entry from the home, but I told her that he better not be with her.
So who shows up with her? The scumbag boyfriend. He walks right on into the house behind her like it’s no big deal. She ran upstairs to get the stuff she wanted and he and I were just left standing there in the living room. He told me it wasn’t her fault that he was there. She told him I didn’t want come but he forced his way along. He wanted to talk to me, supposedly, to tell me he “understand how I must be feeling.” No, you don’t know. He told me he knows I probably don’t believe him, but he genuinely loves her and knew he probably wasn’t the father. He accepts it and then tried to assure me he won’t try to take my place with the baby and hopes we can just get along since we’re both going to be in her life now. He “promises” that she’s fine, he’s looking after her. I told him that I couldn’t for the life of me imagine what he wanted with a pregnant woman who is having another man’s child, that I found it weird. Then I told him if he didn’t get out of my house I’d punch him. I went upstairs and she was trying to find somebody things in the bathroom. I got mad, asked her why she brought him along, and told her I find it really strange that he still wants to be with her now that he knows he has nothing to do with this baby - and that I refuse to let him have anything to do with my child. She said he talked her into coming and she’s sorry and never meant for any of this to happen but she’s in love with him now. He is supposedly what 30 year old her is looking for, not me. She’s setting up a nursery in his house and I can set one up at my house and she has no intention of trying to get full custody or anything like that. She doesn’t want to keep me from being involved in my child’s life. How generous of her.
She went back downstairs and I followed her and he was still standing there in the living room and I just walked up to him and punched him. He stumped back and fall into a table. She yelled “What the fuck?!” and ran over to him. I don’t even care at this point. As if he’s going to call the cops? He deserved it and it wouldn’t have happened had he just left like I told him to.
Several hours later she texted me to say she was sorry about today. He really meant what he said and he’s actually a good guy and he cares about her and he respect me. Wtf? He respects me?! He was screwing my wife in the gym locker room! I was like you can’t be serious. She said “Fine! I’m trying to have a mature conversation about this. I can’t help that we fell in love. Believe it or not, I’m not trying to hurt you and I want everything to be amicable.”
This guy stole my wife and he’s stealing my kid too. Sure I’m the actual father but now they’re setting up a nursery together in his house? I’ve tried to not feel jealous or sad. I’ve tried to maintain the thought that he’s the trash man who picked up my garbage. Sometimes I feel that way, but the truth is that I loved her, and still love her. I don’t want to stay married to her on principle alone, but this is devastating to me.
Another installment of the implosion which is my marriage Apr 10, 2024
My wife? is basically 26 weeks pregnant now.
There actually hasn’t been much drama with her and her AP. I was away for a long weekend last week and it was nice to just get away from home for a while.
Only really annoying thing that’s happened is that I told her I’m being in the delivery room, not him. After everything she’s done, she owes me that. It’s not his baby. He has no right or reason to be there. I will not be the one waiting outside when my kid is being born.
She said yeah she agreed and she never planned to have him in there with her. I asked her if she’d told him that and she said no. I told her to tell him he’ll have no part in it. Well she told him and apparently he didn’t like that and he started trying to convince her why he should be there. Next thing I know she’s telling me that he really wants to be there and she’s the one giving birth so she should be able to say who she wants there and she wants him there. I suppose he’ll start making name suggestions soon and will try to overrule names we’ve had picked out for our future kids for years.
We’ve talked a little bit and she told me I can have our house and the dog in our divorce. I’m requesting that we sell the house and split the profit. I already that written in the paperwork. I’m not buying her out of our house - a house that I’ve made all the payments on anyway. I have a much better credit score than her and less debt. I compromised a lot because she liked this house. I’d rather be able to get my own place based just on what I want and with no reminders of her. And there was already no way she was getting the dog. I already had proof that I “owned” him though so she wouldn’t really stand a chance of having a court award the dog to her. It’s the one thing I told my lawyer I wanted above everything else (not including any custody issues surrounding my actual human child). Honestly, her AP can have her, but he will never ever have my dog. Not to mention my dog is 100 times more loyal than my wife and some might even say better looking too.
So with the idea I won’t be living here in this house for much longer after the baby is born (if everything moves quickly), I decided I will still prepare a nursery here anyway in case anyone wants to try to accuse me of not being invested/prepared for fatherhood. I’m trying to look at the positives. It doesn’t matter what colors she likes or what themes. I can do whatever I want. Honestly, we’ve been together for so long and have lived together for most of our adult lives. It sort of nice not living with somebody but sort of lonely too. I have friends and family, but it’s hard to feel in the mood to go out or hang out with people too often. They always ask me about everything that’s going on and it’s just like I’m tired of that being the topic of conversation.
I got a promotion at work, which financially would have been better had it happened after the divorce, but I’ll take what I can get.
I feel like I’m living in this limbo right now and a lot of what I do is always framed around “how will this affect me in the divorce?”
Admittedly I spy on them on social media sometimes. Guess I’m hoping to see he’s been in a motorcycle accident or something now that the weather is nicer. Hasn’t happened yet, but he’s starting a new company and once that’s up and running I can always get all my friends and family to leave 1 star reviews everywhere. Have to find ways to have a little fun.
Sorry that I don’t respond to a lot of messages or comments. Sometimes I just take big breaks from looking at Reddit since it can be depressing af.
Editing to add something I forgot. She told her family that we’ve split up and that she’s with this other guy now. Her sister reached out to me to say how sorry she was, her sister is a dumbass, that sort of thing. She told me that my wife was complaining about her AP. She the sex is over when he’s done and apparently he’s really selfish with sex. He doesn’t do extra little things for her that she’s used to me doing, like clearing the snow off her car in the morning and heating it up or offering to make her food after a long day. He doesn’t speak her “love language” and he hangs out with his friends too much. This made me so happy to hear. She’s secretly miserable and I find that absolutely delightful.

NEW UPDATE

I’m still alive May 19, 2024
I’m still alive. I’m mainly posting here because several people have reached out to me and were concerned that I’d taken my own life. No, I’m not on the brink of ending my life. I think I’m doing better than I have since all of this started.
Around the time of my last post, my story blew up and I was getting messages from people who saw it on TikTok and YouTube. I had to take a step back because it was a little overwhelming. I have over 100 unread messages here. I appreciate it but it was a little uncomfortable at the time, and I got to the point where I didn’t really want to talk about the situation with my wife and her AP anymore.
So as of today, our baby is due in less than 10 weeks. We’re in the home stretch now. I don’t feel prepared at all. All of this other stuff has just been so distracting.
I started working on a nursery. It’s not done yet, but I have the floor finished and the walls painted. My ex-wife was impressed with the color scheme and furniture I chose. She’s not legally my ex-wife yet but I’ve started calling her that. It sort of makes it easier.
I also packed up a bunch of her stuff. Originally I refused to spend my time packing up her things, but eventually just said screw it and started packing it. I’m at the point where it’ll just be easier to not see all of her stuff around here. Why did I leave it for so long?
She came over to get some of the boxes I packed up. She came alone. Things were fine between us. I loaded the stuff into her car. We didn’t argue. At one point she started to tear up and said she fucked up. I said yeah she did, but there’s no point talking about it now. She shit all over our marriage. She has her muscle bound asshole to go home to now anyway so who cares. She said “I know, but it’s not the same.” I told her nothing has been the same since she decided to fuck him the first time.
Supposedly he’s going to “let” me be in the delivery room when my baby is born. I didn’t even argue it when she said it like that, but inside I was boiling at the idea of him letting me be there for the birth of my child. She says she talked to him and he agreed it wouldn’t really be right to not allow me to be there. I’m going to take what I can get if it means being there for the birth of my child. I’m going to try to just ignore him for the time being. She was acting all sweet and laying on all of the “I really want you there. I really need you there” stuff and I know mentally I’m not in a place to be that cold to her when she starts acting that way. I’m trying to be indifferent more than anything else but it’s so hard when she’s actually around and starts looking at me a certain way and making me feel bad. She invited me over to see the nursery they have set up at his house. I’m not sure I can bring myself to go into another man’s house and look at the nursery set up for my kid.
I did ask her if she was truly safe there though. I don’t know why, it’s just been bothering me. As pissed as I still am, I don’t want to find out he’s mistreating her and I definitely don’t want my kid to be going into an unsafe household. I haven’t told her about anything her sister has told me. They probably won’t last but as of right now there’s a very good chance my newborn baby will be going home to his house. It kills me to think about. It’s almost soul destroying to think about if I dwell on it too long.
She says she’s fine. He genuinely loves her. He’s great with kids. He accepts that she’s having a baby and that this is part of the package. She insists it’s not weird because she wasn’t pregnant when anything started between them.
I asked her why she did it…why did she ever let anything start between them in the first place. She said “I don’t know.” Then went into “I don’t want to talk about this” mode and left pretty soon after. Typical behavior from her - just run away.
Overall I’m doing ok. I’m not sitting here depressed and drinking a bottle of scotch every night anymore. I mean on occasion, but for the most part no. I feel more used to my new normal now, and that’ll all change yet again pretty soon.
THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP
DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/Parking_Breadfruit80
Originally posted to AITAH
Previous BoRU
[New Update]: AITA for refusing to have my dad in my life after he chose his new family?
Editor’s Note: changed letters to names for readability, originally used Logan, but now switched to Luke based on OOP’s latest update.
Editor’s Note 2: Also have removed some older relevant comments as they have been covered in the further updates and needing more space to fit all posts here.
Thanks to u/queenlegolas and u/Direct-Caterpillar77 for suggesting this BoRU
Trigger Warnings: verbal abuse, emotional abuse and manipulation, infidelity, gaslighting, betrayal. vandalism, obsessive behavior
RECAP
Original Post (rareddit): April 20, 2024
When I was 13 my dad had an affair and left my mom and moved in with his affair partner who ill call Jane.
At first me and my sister would visit every weekend and I will admit he was a good dad although I never liked Jane.
When Jane got pregnant and had their son our visits became less frequent and my dad was more concerned with his new family. He would miss some of my my recitals or my sisters competitions because he was busy with his son.
When I was 16. Jane decided she wanted to move for a new job opportunity. Me and my sister begged him not to leave us bit he just said "I need to prioritise my family". He moved 10 hours away. That pretty much ended our relationship and I decided to go no contact as it was clear he did not consider me family.
My younger sister stayed in contact with him. He would try and call me and offer for me to come and visit with my sister but I refused. When he came back to see my sister I would refuse to speak to him when he turned up at the house. I didn't invite him to my high school or college graduation.
I'm now 33 and have remained no contact with him, he has over the years repeatedly tried contacting me and getting his family to contact me on his behalf to reconcile. I have avoided family events in case he attended including my sisters wedding and baby showers.
My dad and his family moved back to our home town 3 months ago and he has been relentless trying to reconcile.
I have received messages from my half brother and sister wanting a relationship saying he's a great dad. My dad found out I'm getting married and keeps trying to contact me and has even tried to speak to my fiancé.
Jane messaged me saying I have broke my dads heart repeatedly and I'm pathetic and should get therapy. I replied back that she was nothing but a home wrecking whore and then blocked her.
Everyone seems to be wanting me to let him back in my life. I'm sick of all the harassment and accidentally bumping into my dad and his family in the town. Whenever I see him I just walk away and refuse to speak to them. Everyone is saying he's a good dad and tried his best to remain in contact but I pushed him away.
Everyone is pressuring me my mom, sister. Grandparents aunts and uncles, even some of my friends. My fiancé has even started saying I'm the AH for shutting him out. Its all starting to get to me so am I aita?
Edit:
Thank you for your comments I haven't got through all of them but I'm glad to know that most of you think I'm NTA which is a huge relief as I thought I was going insane.
I'm going to have a serious conversation with my fiancé as most of you pointed out he should have my back. If he continues to defend my dad then I'm going to have to think if this relationship should go any further. We are 12 weeks out from the wedding but need to sort this out sooner than later.
For information
I own a local business moving away is not an option
I live in a small town where everyone knows everyone and he is friends with a lot of people including my fiancé family.
My dad did not come back for me - he came back because Jane’s parents need help and care.
He has not financially supported me since I was 17 he withheld my college fund to try and blackmail me into having a relationship with him so I had to work and get loans.
I've avoided events because my family use it as a chance to force reconciliation. He also won't leave me alone and makes scenes - hell come up to me talking as if nothing has happened try to hug me or starts crying.
I cant simply cut everyone off - everyone is on his side and against me including my own mother.
Edit 2
To give you all a bit more context when he left my mom for Jane he only wanted us on the weekend my mom offered him 50/50 but refused.
I didn't like Jane and was standoffish with her because I knew what they had done- my sister was too young to understand and was more accepting of her. Jane was mean to me but nice to my sister when I was at my dad's I felt uncomfortable and she would purposefully leave me out of fun activities or plan things purely for my sister. We had a few arguments over minor things but my dad always took her side. My dad and me used to have daddy daughter date at least once every 2 weeks. Jane put a stop to that.
When she had my half brother we went from going every weekend to once every 6 weeks. My dad was MIA and had finally gotten his precious son. He stopped trying with me.
When they moved I was so upset he chose to leave us. He didn't want custody just for us to visit him every now and again and speak to him on the phone. Parenting at a distance so all of his focus was on his new family
When I graduated from high school and refused to invite him everything blew up Jane called me some terrible names and so did my dad and he refused to give me my college fund unless I started being part of the family again. From what I gathered, he spent it on his new family.
I'm sick of being the one to miss out on events with my family. I would be willing to be in the same room but not interact or even be civil but he pushes things and makes it impossible
Edit 3
Have spoken to my fiancé. Update will be posted shortly
AITAH has no consensus bot, OOP was NTA
OOP on staying away from the father and his family and blocking Jane

OOP: I've tried my best to stay away from him and his family but with it being a small town its impossible to avoid them. Some of the times I've bumped into him seemed a bit too coincidental and feel like it was a set up.
I have blocked Jane can't stand the woman she was always mean to me even when I was a child because I was standoffish. My sister is 5 years younger and was more accepting of her so my sister and Jane have a good relationship.

 
Update #1 (rareddit): April 20, 2024 (10 hours later)
Thank you for all of the comments although most seem to be NTA some were YTA. Some of you gave helpful suggestions which I am planning to take on board.
I have just spoken to my fiancé and unfortunately it has not gone well but at this point in time I've had enough and want to runaway and never come back.
My fiancé knows my history with my dad and Jane. I explained to him that him siding with my father and pressuring me was hurting me and as my fiancé he should be supporting me.
My fiancé who I'll call Luke told me he can't support me in doing something that he knows is wrong. Luke told me that he had spoke to my father and had an understanding of both sides of the story and believes that if we both sit down and talk we can sort this out and reconcile.
I told Luke I don't want this and want no contact and asked why he is even speaking to my father. Luke admitted his father who is friends with my dad encouraged Luke to speak to him and hear him out.
Luke told me my dad loved me very much and always wanted to be in my life and has pictures of me (I'm guessing he got these from my family as my social media is set to private). Luke said my dad is heartbroken at the state of our relationship because I was being unreasonable about him moving away when I was young. Luke stated I got on the wrong foot with Jane and that I was not innocent in the breakdown of the relationship. He told me that everyone can see the truth but me and to look in the mirror because I'm the problem.
Needless to say I broke down crying and asked him why he was doing this to me and not supporting me. Luke claims to love me but won't stand by and watch me be "a heartless bitch".
After he said this I stood up told him that he shouldn't marry a heartless bitch and walked out. I'm currently sat in my car. My phone is blowing up with Luke trying to contact me but I don’t want to speak to him. I feel like I'm losing everything and everyone I dont understand what is happening.
 
Update #2 (rareddit): April 21, 2024
Hi everyone thanks for the comments and letting me sound off on you as I desperately need an outside perspective.
I know a lot of you are telling me to cut all contact with my family and leave town. That is not an option for me financially and I would not be able to set up business elsewhere all my money is invested in it and I have only managed to get established recently with steady income, relocating is not an option for me. I love my friends and family and don't want to cut everyone off, I love my hometown I grew up here this is my life and I'm not willing to walk away from it.
I didn't expect to write another update this fast but a lot has happened today.
So firstly I agreed to meet my dad to talk and try and get him to back off and leave me alone. I asked my mom to arrange it, just him no one else. I wasn't sure if he would agree to that but within 15 minutes of her calling he was at the door.
I asked my mom to stay and mediate. To summarize the conversation. These are a bit messed up because it's a lot to remember.
Me: * I asked him to give me space and stop trying to get everyone on his side and let me live my life.

• I told him he stopped being my father when he moved 10 hrs away
  
• I told him Jane was mean to me and told him about all the horrible things she has said to me over the years.
  
• I hate how he chose Jane and his new family over me and how he told me he had to prioritise them and how he basically told me I wasn't family
  
• He was an AH for withholding my college fund and trying to blackmail me and then spending it on his new family
  
• I hate how I have missed major family events because he attended the events and would make them awkward.
  
• I don't see his son and daughter as my family and I'm sick of them trying to speak to me and approach me
  
• he keeps making scenes every time he sees me and making me look the bad guy
  
• he keeps inserting himself into my life going to my fiancé’s family events, going behind my back to talk and sway Luke to his side
  
• I hate how he cheated on my mom and broke our family up and then listened to Jane who stopped our dates, missed my recitals, reduced contact and was more concerned about his son.
  

Him * He loves me and always has he is never going to give up trying to reconnect and he has given me enough space over the years and he is done hearing about my life from 2nd hand knowledge and is not willing to miss any more if it.

• he loves Jane and and can't regret his past because he wouldn't have her or his 2 kids. He wishes he had done it differently and ended his marriage with my mom first.

*his kids are innocent and I shouldn't be taking it out on them they just want to know their big sister

• I was difficult child who was rude and disrespectful to Jane breaking her belongings, calling her names, ruining day trips.
  
• when Jane got pregnant she was high risk and me coming every week and starting arguments was stressing her out so for her and his sons sake he stopped the weekend visitation. He still spoke to us on the phone and took us out for dinner and days out but just didn't let us sleep over.
  
• when his son was born he was premature and had health complications which meant him staying in hospital for weeks and frequent hospital admissions. Jane was also going through PPD so he wasn't able to see us as much and had to miss some events when he was taking care of Jane and his son.
  
• Jane was unable to get a job locally and the opportunity was too good to pass up so they had to move. He pointed out that he came back to town for weekends as much as he could to see us and would always invite us to fly out and spend vacations with him. He phoned everyday but I refused to speak or see him.
  
• They had flown in for my graduation but I refused to invite him and he lost his temper and refused to give me my college fund. He apologised for this and tried to fix this a few weeks later and give me the money but I refused it. He has not spent the money he still has it and I have only to ask and I can have it.
  
• he had visited me at my college to try and talk to me but I refused to see him.
  
• He is not going to miss family events
  
• he makes a scene because he misses me and just wants to talk to me and reconcile but I always end up running way or shouting insults at him and Jane.
  
• He has been trying for 16years to reconnect but I shut him down at every turn he just wants to be my dad.
  
• He is old friends with my fiancé dad and he hoped my fiancé could talk some sense into me and open a line of communication.
  
• he feels I never gave Jane a chance no matter how she tried in the beginning and hoped we could be civil. Jane hates knowing I talk bad about her, am mean to her children and won't speak to him.
  

He wants:
My dad is in therapy and wants me to join him for family sessions.
He wants me to spend time with him 1-1
To stop being rude and mean to his children and spend time with them.
Stop trash talking Jane to everyone and actually give her a chance
Invite for him and my family to my wedding and to walk me down the aisle.
I want:
Him to stop talking to my friends and getting others to try and talk to me on his behalf
Keep Jane away from me completely
To be be civil at events or in town providing he does not try and hug me or talk to me.
My mom told him he was being unrealistic with some of the things he wants especially regarding Jane and his other children so we have agreed for now.
I will attend 3 therapy sessions with him when he arranges it. (my mom thinks I need individual therapy as well) He will stop trying to interfere in my life and relationships He will keep Jane away from me and talk to his kids to give me space. I will be civil to him in public as long as he respects my personal space and does not approach or pressure me.
As for my fiancé - I still havent spoken to him, he turned up at my moms but she refused to let him in. He keeps blowing up my phone and so does his family and friends telling me to hear him out.
During my conversation with my dad I found out my dad has paid for most of the vendors and services for my upcoming wedding and they have been on speaking terms for quite some time ( longer than I thought). Luke told me his family had paid for these and i believed him. I feel betrayed by him and that I can't trust him. I'm going to have to speak to him eventually but I dont feel ready.
Relevant Comments
OOP on if she can block her father and if she can have an order on him to stay away from her

OOP: I wouldn't be able to get a restraining order against him. What am I going to do tell the police my dad is talking to people in the town and my friends about me. He is showing up to parties and events he's invited to. He's trying to talk to me when he bumps into me in town?
He is not on my social media , he is blocked on my phone other than events and meeting in town that can be chalked up to coincidence I have nothing to report

 
Update #3 - April 27, 2024
Firstly I'd like to apologise for taking down my posts. I was really upset and felt under lot of pressure and needed space to think without constant messages. Some of you were trying to be helpful and I apreciate that but some of the abusive messages I received was terrible.
I'm updating for those who have asked for an update and were supportive to me. This will be my last post and I wont be posting again.
Firstly the deal with my dad is off the table. He couldn't even manage a week without overstepping my boundaries. So there will be no therapy sessions with him and I will remain no contact.
As you are all aware after speaking to my dad and agreeing a way forward and my conditions.
Keep Jane away from me Tell his kids to back off Don't pressure me or invade my space
It lasted all of 3 days. Everyone seemed happy I had "forgiven" my dad and told me so. My sister was excited I was willing to give him a chance and with some pressure I agreed to have dinner with just her and my dad.
When my sister and I arrived at the restaurant to meet our dad he was not alone. He had invited Jane, my grandparents his son and daughter. He got up and tried to hug me.
I immediately became upset asking why they were there. My dad told me that if we have any hope of repairing our relationship I had to accept Jane and my younger siblings. I told him he just broke our deal and to never contact me again and tried to leave. He refused to let me leave and grabbed hold of me.
When I say all hell broke loose I mean it. I started shouting at them. My Dad, Jane and grandparents tried to gaslight me and convince me to sit down when that didn't work things got very heated and a shouting match started and a lot of unforgivable things were said by my dad and Jane including remarks about my appearance and calling me a psychopath. My half brother walked out of the restaurant and my half sister started to cry.
My sister actually surprised me and defended me, shouting at my dad for ruining things after all this time when I had finally given him a chance. She even slapped Jane. She got me out of there and apologised to me. I think this was the first time she had really seen how Jane was with me and how she treat me. She kept saying she couldn't understand how dad had spent years saying he would do anything to have me back and then would do this when he finally got his chance to rebuild the relationship.
My dad has been trying to contact me but I have blocked him and refused to talk to him. I have also refused to speak to my grandparents. My dad has tried to convince my mom and sister to speak to me but I think he's burned his bridges with them.
The incident from the restaurant has spread and some people seem to be backing off. Like I said what my dad and Jane shouted at me was unforgiveable and they were overheard and this is a small town. Hopefully people will back off and those who won't Im going to have to cut them out.
My sister is very unhappy with my dad and Jane and not speaking to them. She is blaming them for me going no contact again. My sister is not letting them see her kids. I don't know if my sister will reconcile but right now she is furious. My mom is also furious and apparently had a few choice word with my dad and Jane and has promised she will never pressure me again to speak to him.
I am going to go to individual therapy I think I definitely need it. I do feel bad about my half siblings as they havnt done anything wrong and am maybe open to having a distanced kind of relationship with them in the future but I'm not ready yet or if I'll ever be. I did send them a message on Facebook to apologise and tell them they've done nothing wrong.
Lastly to update you all - in regards to my fiance well I spoke to him yesterday about everything I had been radio silent since walking out on him.
Basically he was pressured by his father to speak to my dad and was fed a sob story of a misunderstood father desperately wanting to be in his daughters life. Luke had become annoyed with me refusing to attend his family events and walking out of his mother's birthday party when I realised my dad and Jane was there as he was getting pressure from his family about me ruining their events.
He just wanted everyone to be happy and get along clearly at my expense.
Luke admitted my dad had paid for some of the vendors for the wedding but he did not know this until after it was already paid. His father had told Luke that him and his mom had paid. My dad had told Luke it was a gift and his way of contributing. Luke admitted my dad had asked him to speak to me on his behalf.
I told Luke he had betrayed my trust and I couldn't see myself marrying someone who does not support me. He broke down crying and apologising to me and promising to never do it again. Luke was heartbroken and begged for a 2nd chance.
To those of you who wanted me to break up with him, I'm sorry to disappoint you but we are going to try and work through this. Apart from this issue he had been the best partner and I genuinely think that he had been manipulated by his family and my dad. Luke has promised to stand up to his family and go no contact with my dad.
I'm still living at my moms as I still need some space which I wont have if I move home. We are going to contact our wedding vendors and see what our options are next week. Luke is begging for a postponement rather than cancel it altogether. We may still break up as actions speak louder than words and I need to see if he can rebuild what we had and show me I can trust and depend on him.
Relevant Comments
OOP on if she is able to change her contact information and what about Luke

OOP: There's no point changing my number when I've done this before he always manages to get it again.
As for Luke - breaking up is not off the table. I'm giving him a chance to show me he means what he says. I always thought I had a decent relationship with Luke’s family, but clearly not. I'm not asking him to go NC with them thats for him to decide. I'm certainly going to distance myself from them and any further incidents no contact.
As for any future children if we are still together I won't be trusting them with my children at all

 
Update #4: May 4, 2024
Hi everyone I did not plan to make another update at all but I'm still getting messages for an update and thought I would let you know the recent developments.
Firstly I have cancelled the wedding I was able to get some partial refunds but have lost some money. Luke begged me not to cancel the wedding but there was no way I could marry him after what he did.
I was set on giving him a 2nd chance and he promised me he would go low contact and stand up to his parents and issue an ultimatum that we would not tolerate any contact with my dad and Jane. Basically he would tell them we would not attend any event or party if they were invited and we would not tolerate any attempt to force contact or relationship with my dad.
He met with them to explain this to them. When he came back from this meeting he was quite irritable with me and appeared to have had a change of heart to summarize it - he was trying to convince me his family only meant well and that he can't go low contact with his family because he loves them and he can't dictate their friendships. He then tried to convince me it won't be an issue in the future and his father would speak to my dad and tell him to be on his best behaviour in my presence.
As soon as I heard this people's comments went through my head and the main one being if we had children he would take them to his family where my dad and Jane would be and I would have no control over this. At that moment
I realised I couldn't trust Luke and never would be able to.
I broke up with him, he is not taking it well and keeps begging me to take him back and that he would go no contact with his family. His family and friends are trying to convince me on his behalf not to end our relationship. He has made his choice and proven to me he is spineless. I don't need him in my life.
In regards to my dad I'm looking into getting a restraining order given what happened in the restaurant I might be able to but i dont know yet a friend of mine is helping me look into this.
My dad has kept a low profile since last week apart from a couple of attempts to apologize to me I havnt heard much from him. My sister still won't speak to him or Jane. Unlike me my sister is highly confrontational and has blasted him and Jane on social media with what happened at the restaurant and things that have happened in the past which I didn't know about.
My sister and Jane had a very public screaming match when she had seen them in town due to my sisters posts and demanding to take them down it ended up with Jane assaulting my sister. My dad apparently sided with Jane in this. My sister now hates Jane and refuses to speak to our dad who is also trying to contact her.
My dad and Jane’s reputation seems to have taken a hit and between the incident in the restaurant and my sisters fight with Jane and het numerous Facebook posts about them, People are gossiping. This has worked well for me because some people have backed off which Im happy about unfortunately there are a few people still on his side including my ex's parents.
As for my half siblings there's not much of an update in regards to them.
I've found a therapist however there is a bit of a waiting list before I can start my therapy. I'm still living with my mom who is completely on my side and I have found a kitten and pick her up next week.

 

----NEW UPDATE----

Update #5: May 19, 2024 (2 weeks later)
Hi everyone thought I would give you an update as to what's been happening the last couple of weeks for those of you who are still interested.
Firstly I'm still at my moms and I got my little kitten. I've named her sascha and she is the sweetest thing but very energetic. For those of you asking for pictures I'll try, but she refuses to stay still long enough to get a one that's not blurred. I love her already. My mom continues to be my rock. IM still waiting for therapy but am finding reddit useful and therapeutic and the support I've received from most of the people on here has been great and helped me see things more clearly so a big thankyou to everyone.
As for my ex now that we've broken up I feel lighter and free and being away from him has made me see all the red flags that I was blind to in our relationship and feel like I've dodged a bullet. Luke (using real names because my posts were discovered) is not taking the breakup well and has taken over from my father constantly bothering me.
If you read this Luke we are DONE and I'm not changing my mind so stop calling me, stop coming to the house and stop sending me flowers! I'm moving on so you should too.
My sister Emma is still firmly on my side and has washed her hands of Jane (stepmonster) and they are not on speaking terms after my sister told everyone about Janes affairs.
Jane is still trying to save face saying my sister is lying and telling everyone she can how we are just the worst and that we have treated her terrible over the years and trying to ruin her marriage. Don't think anyone is buying what she is saying. She has sent abusive messages to me and my sister and when we've bumped into her she's been screaming at us and threatening us. My sisters car had been keyed and my store windows were smashed. We can't prove its her unfortunately but she is the most likely culprit.
My half siblings are definitely my dads children they tested then years ago when she was a baby. From what I've heard they're not speaking to Jane at all.
As for my dad he seems to have grown a spine and has kicked out Jane she is now living with her parents. From what I've heard he's thinking about divorce. I havnt had any contact with my dad except for a text saying he was sorry for everything. As for getting a restraining order I'm more concerned about getting one against Jane at the moment.
Relevant Comments
OOP on if she has cameras at her place

OOP: I have cameras but you can't see if it her because of the angle I'm getting more fitted for better coverage

OOP on if she has been speaking to her half siblings (father’s side) and how their relationships are with Jane now that the truth got out. And how the family is reacting

OOP: I'm not speaking to my dad or Jane or my half siblings. I've gotten this info from a cousin on my dad's side so not sure if it's true or if there is more to this. + The only people who knew were my grandparents and sister. Unfortunately when Jane and my sister fell out my sister decided to expose her on social media to everyone. My half siblings knew about her recent affair but not the one years ago.
As for my dad I don't know and I'm not going to reach out to ask

OOP on if she will forgive her father and if he would get a second chance without Jane present

OOP: Yep- hes destroyed my relationship, his and janes relationship with Emma and by sounds of it his own relationship. All because he couldn't respect my boundaries
No the damage is already done. He had his chance to fix things with me and he blew it. I just want to be left alone and get on with my life

 

DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

4 December 1998
Loren R. Mosher, M.D. to Rodrigo Munoz, M.D., President of the American Psychiatric Association (APA)
Dear Rod,
After nearly three decades as a member it is with a mixture of pleasure and disappointment that I submit this letter of resignation from the American Psychiatric Association. The major reason for this action is my belief that I am actually resigning from the American Psychopharmacological Association. Luckily, the organization’s true identity requires no change in the acronym.
Unfortunately, APA reflects, and reinforces, in word and deed, our drug dependent society. Yet it helps wage war on “drugs”. “Dual diagnosis” clients are a major problem for the field but not because of the “good” drugs we prescribe. “Bad” ones are those that are obtained mostly without a prescription. A Marxist would observe that being a good capitalist organization, APA likes only those drugs from which it can derive a profit — directly or indirectly. This is not a group for me. At this point in history, in my view, psychiatry has been almost completely bought out by the drug companies. The APA could not continue without the pharmaceutical company support of meetings, symposia, workshops, journal advertising, grand rounds luncheons, unrestricted educational grants etc. etc. Psychiatrists have become the minions of drug company promotions. APA, of course, maintains that its independence and autonomy are not compromised in this enmeshed situation. Anyone with the least bit of common sense attending the annual meeting would observe how the drug company exhibits and “industry sponsored symposia” draw crowds with their various enticements, while the serious scientific sessions are barely attended. Psychiatric training reflects their influence as well: the most important part of a resident’s curriculum is the art and quasi-science of dealing drugs, i.e., prescription writing.
These psychopharmacological limitations on our abilities to be complete physicians also limit our intellectual horizons. No longer do we seek to understand whole persons in their social contexts — rather we are there to realign our patients’ neurotransmitters. The problem is that it is very difficult to have a relationship with a neurotransmitter — whatever its configuration. So, our guild organization provides a rationale, by its neurobiological tunnel vision, for keeping our distance from the molecule conglomerates we have come to define as patients. We condone and promote the widespread use and misuse of toxic chemicals that we know have serious long term effects — tardive dyskinesia, tardive dementia and serious withdrawal syndromes. So, do I want to be a drug company patsy who treats molecules with their formulary? No, thank you very much. It saddens me that after 35 years as a psychiatrist I look forward to being dissociated from such an organization. In no way does it represent my interests. It is not within my capacities to buy into the current biomedical-reductionistic model heralded by the psychiatric leadership as once again marrying us to somatic medicine. This is a matter of fashion, politics and, like the pharmaceutical house connection, money.
In addition, APA has entered into an unholy alliance with NAMI (I don’t remember the members being asked if they supported such an association) such that the two organizations have adopted similar public belief systems about the nature of madness. While professing itself the “champion of their clients” the APA is supporting non-clients, the parents, in their wishes to be in control, via legally enforced dependency, of their mad/bad offspring: NAMI with tacit APA approval, has set out a pro-neuroleptic drug and easy commitment-institutionalization agenda that violates the civil rights of their offspring. For the most part we stand by and allow this fascistic agenda to move forward. Their psychiatric god, Dr. E. Fuller Torrey, is allowed to diagnose and recommend treatment to those in the NAMI organization with whom he disagrees. Clearly, a violation of medical ethics. Does APA protest? Of course not, because he is speaking what APA agrees with, but can’t explicitly espouse. He is allowed to be a foil; after all – he is no longer a member of APA. (Slick work APA!) The shortsightedness of this marriage of convenience between APA, NAMI, and the drug companies (who gleefully support both groups because of their shared pro-drug stance) is an abomination. I want no part of a psychiatry of oppression and social control.
“Biologically based brain diseases” are certainly convenient for families and practitioners alike. It is no-fault insurance against personal responsibility. We are all just helplessly caught up in a swirl of brain pathology for which no one, except DNA, is responsible. Now, to begin with, anything that has an anatomically defined specific brain pathology becomes the province of neurology (syphilis is an excellent example). So, to be consistent with this “brain disease” view, all the major psychiatric disorders would become the territory of our neurologic colleagues. Without having surveyed them I believe they would eschew responsibility for these problematic individuals. However, consistency would demand our giving over “biologic brain diseases” to them. The fact that there is no evidence confirming the brain disease attribution is, at this point, irrelevant. What we are dealing with here is fashion, politics and money. This level of intellectual /scientific dishonesty is just too egregious for me to continue to support by my membership.
I view with no surprise that psychiatric training is being systematically disavowed by American medical school graduates. This must give us cause for concern about the state of today’s psychiatry. It must mean — at least in part that they view psychiatry as being very limited and unchallenging. To me it seems clear that we are headed toward a situation in which, except for academics, most psychiatric practitioners will have no real, relationships — so vital to the healing process — with the disturbed and disturbing persons they treat. Their sole role will be that of prescription writers — ciphers in the guise of being “helpers”.
Finally, why must the APA pretend to know more than it does? DSM IV is the fabrication upon which psychiatry seeks acceptance by medicine in general. Insiders know it is more a political than scientific document. To its credit it says so — although its brief apologia is rarely noted. DSM IV has become a bible and a money making best seller — its major failings notwithstanding. It confines and defines practice, some take it seriously, others more realistically. It is the way to get paid. Diagnostic reliability is easy to attain for research projects. The issue is what do the categories tell us? Do they in fact accurately represent the person with a problem? They don’t, and can’t, because there are no external validating criteria for psychiatric diagnoses. There is neither a blood test nor specific anatomic lesions for any major psychiatric disorder. So, where are we? APA as an organization has implicitly (sometimes explicitly as well) bought into a theoretical hoax. Is psychiatry a hoax — as practiced today? Unfortunately, the answer is mostly yes.
What do I recommend to the organization upon leaving after experiencing three decades of its history?
To begin with, let us be ourselves. Stop taking on unholy alliances without the members’ permission. Get real about science, politics and money. Label each for what it is — that is, be honest. Get out of bed with NAMI and the drug companies. APA should align itself, if one believes its rhetoric, with the true consumer groups, i.e., the ex-patients, psychiatric survivors etc. Talk to the membership — I can’t be alone in my views. We seem to have forgotten a basic principle — the need to be patient/client/consumer satisfaction oriented. I always remember Manfred Bleuler’s wisdom: “Loren, you must never forget that you are your patient’s employee.” In the end they will determine whether or not psychiatry survives in the service marketplace.
Sincerely, Loren R. Mosher, M.D
https://perlanterna.com/articles/letter-of-resignation-from-the-american-psychiatric-association-loren-moshe?fbclid=IwZXh0bgNhZW0CMTAAAR1NPK4284udULE7CFTS1hyG_Dd454i-AoPFz1YN1aaUg_X4qPpy_utx0a0_aem_AWBXC7WlkEeDjlM6GwzGdbJDyDQ-mhIUamquAHQ6cQWf-_fkxmDZKd3QR0hwLiSDtstkHsRlnkEvQK886QDI2BQr

made the man with gave me herpes (and never apologize or take accountability) change his number and delete his social medias<333333
this man literally gave me herpes a week before my birthday and after I forgave him for it, started lying and put me through absolute fucking hell for months. Before anyone asks I know I got it from him bc I didn’t have sex for 4 years, we started talking and I felt like he was safe enough so I broke my celibacy and he gave me herpes LMAO. We both tested positive and he never once denied it. Just never said sorry.
I forgave him again recently and he tried to pull some dumb shit on me and I just feel like he is not a good person and genuinely deserves to suffer like i’ve had to lmao

i really want to minor in spanish, but i just barely missed the cut off for 2201 on the placement test due to not having studied spanish since 10th grade (but i have 4 yrs under my belt before that). not sure yet if i can jump from 1103 to 2201, but can anyone speak on the difficulty of either class? for example, are either of them taught completely in spanish? also debating taking the earlier classes through my local cc and then starting at vandy when i hit 3301w.
like i said, i really want the minor because it's such a useful skill, but i don't want to take 9 extra credits to earn it, and i think i might be ready for 2201 after brushing up on spanish this summer. thanks!!