Printable bubble letters to trace

That's what my professor told me. You just need to identify or be able to trace it in the exams if given in a flowchart or in Pseudocode. Besides, even for specimen or the whole of 2023 papers, no bubble sort or linear search came for the 15 marker. So am pretty sure about it.

ACT 1. Sunday afternoon after visiting the local market two brothers wait for their train to arrive. If they were even a minute late, they knew their mother would surely scold them and scold the elder of the two far worse. The idea of another beating did not bother the elder brother; he had been through far worse just dealing with the brat and his attempted jailbreaks, though something did begin to make him painfully nauseous forcing him to feel pressured by the light breeze as if gravity had suddenly been increased tenfold. All his senses were heightening beyond anything he had thought possible.All around him he saw that the once energetic and hyperactive passengers had become little more than mannequins; their movements slowing to a standstill. They had all gone silent. The station was no longer filled with the cries of children or the gentle laughs of their parents. He had never heard such silence in such a crowded location. He did not feel panicked, nor did he feel a need to act for this silence was oddly comforting to him. However, the newly calm atmosphere would quickly be the source of a lifetime of suffering.His hand began to reach for his brother in an attempt to call his attention. Though in a moment of both unprecedented shock and exhaustion John shoved his younger brother onto the rails of an oncoming train. Local news would report the incident as nothing more than a tragic manic episode of a young sixteen-year-old. However, for John this single visceral instant in which all of his brother's bones were instantly crushed was stretched into hours. He was painfully aware of how every bone in his brother's body contorted in inhuman ways some nearly resembling perfect right angles, until eventually, they snapped and sent insurmountable pain throughout his nervous system. His blood curling screams were made mute by the screech of the train coming to a halt, though, by the time they stopped, his brother had torn his every vocal cord and had long ago lost consciousness. Still on the platform, the elder brother stood still, attempting to process what exactly he had done. He had no idea what force had compelled him to push his brother, but that instant would forever define what he saw as reality.That however was nineteen years ago, in present day he lived in isolation far from any person. He spent his isolated days wandering the land around his cabin completing house chores that distracted him from reminiscing about his days in the asylum or as he liked to call it “The Echo Room” where he was transferred after the incident. He headed inside after spending a portion of his morning counting all one-hundred-and-thirty-two trees that were showing signs of life after the harsh winter that nearly forced him to cut down two of them for firewood. Once inside he began preparing his morning coffee when he heard a loud creak come from the hall. He (after many incidents) learnt to avoid the boards that creaked, so in his mind immediately an intruder was breaking into his cabin searching for food or his stash of special edition coffee. Deciding to investigate he walked towards the noise when suddenly he heard two knocks at his front door. Confused and slightly worried, he proceeded to walk towards the door making sure not to step on any of the annoyingly loud floorboards.He approached and looked through the peephole and saw only what remained of the melting snow outside. Opening the door, he saw that only his steps led to the doormat. He glanced around and saw no indication of any life aside a few dark patches on the snow. He was about to close the door when he noticed a tiny red package wrapped in a radiant red bow placed clear from where the door would open. Cautiously picking it up, he noticed how it had almost no weight to it; as if empty. He walked inside and sat at his desk planning to journal later about the weird morning he had been having. He examined the exterior of the package and saw how not only was it near perfect condition but it was also slightly warm to the touch; as if recently held. He undid the bow and cautiously opened the package, half expecting an explosive of some sort. Though, all he found was a ragged ripped piece of paper. Unremarkable aside from the fact that it was inside such a carefully constructed package. On the other side he saw that it had some scarlet lettering inscribed into it reading.“Ouroboros”. At first believing it to be a prank by the kids who had heard rumors about him, and his incident, nearly caused him to dismiss it entirely deeming it little more than a slightly humorous event. He decided to put it aside for now as he had coffee left to drink that was quickly getting cold. He walked back towards the kitchen still distracted by the idea of no trace being left by whoever had left the gift. Was it even a gift? Maybe it was just some well-executed prank? In any manner he would later have a better look at it. He absentmindedly, reached for his cup and immediately pulled his hand back shocked by the temperature of the cup. It was frozen! Almost to a complete solid. He thought himself slightly distracted but not enough to freeze his morning coffee especially not his special edition coffee. First The Box and now this, it was all adding up to an annoying morning. Was it still morning? No, that’s not right. He had just spent the day counting trees. How could it still possibly be morning?The thought of Dr. Lumis being correct about his mental condition after so many years sent a chill down his spine especially since last time they talked, he did not exactly behave amicably. He was sure that both incidents had been isolated events that could never happen again. Sure, he had heard the echoes every once in a while, but he was never insane like the others; this he knew to be a fact. If he was insane, how could he have ever left? Disoriented and beginning to sweat, his legs suddenly gave out causing him to fall backward landing on the cold wooden floorboards. He looked around hurriedly expecting to see an intruder that had somehow found him. After seeing nothing but his pristine furniture, he steadied himself and began to control his breathing. He slowly got up causing the wood underneath to creak under the sudden release of weight. Deciding to further assure himself he went around the cabin checking in all four rooms. He found nothing aside from his own disturbances. Still feeling slightly nervous and disturbed he headed back towards the living room in search for The Box with the red bow determining that it had somehow triggered his current situation. The Box was still where he placed it; much to his relief. He sat down. He looked once again at the scarlet lettering.
Act 2. Back in the asylum he would often spend his days wondering how he could have ever been grouped alongside individuals who had purposefully and viciously committed heinous crimes against innocent victims. He was not insane like them. Whatever had caused his hand to shove his brother had long abandoned him. His routine now consisted of cleaning whatever mess the older residents made in the halls and transporting lab waste to the crematorium. He would clean from the southern stalls all the way to the northern cemetery and make his rounds gathering the waste from the rooms. It was a simple job but lonely, nonetheless. The halls were often only illuminated by tiny flickering red lights that indicated the position of the cameras through which Dr.Lumis would often monitor John during his nightly crusades. Though incredibly distasteful, John did not mind, he accepted that odd situations would be easier to explain if someone of credit had seen them. Yet despite this, he felt he was being watched by someone other than the doctor. He assumed that this feeling was due to the paranoia he had been diagnosed with a few months back. On a particular night, moments after dumping another bag of soft solids and dense liquids down the chute, he heard footsteps, just outside the room. Expecting to see the doctor he begrudgingly walked towards the door. Exiting and seeing no one he called out for the doctor but got no response aside from the echo of his own voice. He began to walk towards where he had heard the footsteps come from when he suddenly collapsed out of exhaustion. The same exhaustion that had plagued him during the moment of his brother’s death. He tried to reach for his panic button (a gift from Lumis) but it had disappeared from his chain. He tried to scream but not a single whisper was heard. He gazed into the dark corridor where he had thought Dr.Lumis had gone, but saw nothing but soft shadows. Though something was unnervingly wrong about them. They moved as if following an order, all synchronized, all heading towards him. That night in the asylum had left him scared to even return to the disposal area; he feared that The Shadows might eventually be able to reach him. The Shadows did not haunt him unaccompanied: they followed alongside The Echo tormenting his nights. While The Shadows could not reach him during daylight, he could never escape The Echo. It followed wherever he went and tracked everything he did. Dr.Lumis explained that he merely suffered from an extreme case paranoia but John saw the others; who yelled and who screamed true nonsense, he was perfectly aware of himself and the ones around him. Dr. Lumis secretly believed patient #132 experienced Hyper-sanity though this he would never verbally confess. It was term he decided would for now adequately describe his patient’s acute awareness of The Shadows and The Echo. John would for many years go without hearing The Echo after that night, only ever hearing what seemed like the final moans of a dying voice. Back in present day, he hoped he wasn’t suffering another hallucination as they tended to leave him in an embarrassing shocked state. He questioned what “Ouroboros” could possibly mean in relation to himself. He considered the possibility of it being an early warning of some threat to the sanctity of his home. He quickly dismissed it as he had not interacted with anyone long enough to possibly annoy them. Weird them out? Sure. Offend them? Maybe with his sense of fashion. Following his incredibly fine-tuned survival instincts he put on a light coat and went outside to walk among the trees. A mundane task, but one he truly enjoyed especially since he hoped it would distract him for a short while. Just before he closed the door behind him, he took one more look at The Box sitting on his desk and decided to take it with him in case he met the person who had left it. The sun had begun to set marking the end of the day. He watched the sun hide behind the mountain range letting the world bathe in darkness for another night. John did not dislike the night (he had worked nightshifts in The Echo Room for years) but he didn’t find the freezing cold to be ideal. He had not left his land for what was a few years now and the idea of even slightly stepping out of his comfort was making him incredibly anxious. Still, he walked forward towards wherever the path took him. The night only got darker and quieter, and he only got colder. He did not see the lightning bugs that usually warded away the dark near the edge of his hill. Without the soft hum of bugs or soft breeze that would brush against his beard he felt alone. Even the nights back in the asylum did not possess this level of quiet. He kept moving hoping that eventually he would find something that could break the uncomfortable silence. As he continued down the hill, he realized he could no longer distinguish the path from the dirt surrounding it. He considered heading back when he realized he had not kept track of where he had come from. Not only was he lost but alone with his thoughts and whatever had been watching him from the start. He walked a step forward and then another one back repeatedly. What he was attempting to achieve was beyond reason. Had he gone mad? No, he was perfectly sane. “Wait, I can hear them clearly now” he spoke, his voice dried from the cold.“This is not a hallucination” he spoke softly.“i-I AM NOT HALLUCINATING” he proclaimed. He heard The Echo once more though they were not of his voice but rather of Another. He had long been aware of “The Echo” but he could never fully determine whether it was a dream or an effect of the chemicals but this Other was undoubtedly real. “I don’t know where you are but please. Are you real?” he asked the night. He could now hear The Echo or rather feel the pressure of its words upon his reality. Had it been trying to hide the Other? He walked forward and pulled out The Box. “You gave me this right? What for? What purpose does it serve?” No one responded.Annoyed, he threw it as far as he could down the hill. “THERE! THIS CAN’T CONTINUE WITHOUT IT, RIGHT?” He shouted at the endless empty. That’s when out of the darkness emerged a faint light. Was it a lightning bug or maybe a sign of civilization?
Act 3. Cautiously, he approached the cold light and saw that the light was artificial. The tube inside flickered before another appeared a few feet ahead, and then another and then another and then what seemed like an uncountable amount more. He took a step forward and noticed that the ground underneath had turned to hard white tile. Accepting that this was not the weirdest occurrence that had affected him he proceeded to walk forward making sure to keep a mental note to journal about it later. The surrounding landscape transformed into white walls that every so often had a window that let him peek at the other side. At first, he could still see the snowy landscape, but it to slowly changed; first having scattered papers and then chairs, cabinets, and desks until they eventually resembled a typical office. Its purpose was not obvious to him, and neither was the hallway but if they were changing surely, it possessed a deeper metaphorical meaning that related to his life. He saw a door at the very end of the hall and decided to not postpone the ploy of whatever “The Echo” was planning. He stood before the door wondering about what it could possibly contain. John proceeded to open the door. Inside was a desk along with a single cabinet. Walking inside he noticed that the room was illuminated by some otherworldly source that had no words that could possibly describe it. He walked towards the desk and a file he had not seen previously, sat open. Inside was a description of his physical appearance. “Age: 35. Height: 5’8. Weight: 185 lbs. Hair: Black with obvious signs of stress. Eyes: Brown. Character Aptitude: High.” “Okay, I get it. I’m old, you didn’t have to expose my hair like that” he said slightly embarrassed quickly restyling his hair. He noticed that even though they had an almost perfect description of his hobbies, dreams and wishes they did not have a single picture as if they for some reason were only able to use words. “SOOO you know about that one time in the asylum (don’t ask) BUT NOT A SINGLE PICTURE? That’s lame.” he said mockingly. On the final page he found what looked like an incomplete file; most of the personal attributes had not yet been filled and only a note was made reading. “They don’t need a complete story just one they can understand.” Besides the fact that whatever role he played in this act had been a mere afterthought; he was confused as to how anyone could have ever gathered such sensitive and personal information about his isolated life. Was it The Echo? Had it told them his life? A phone started to ring somewhere in the room abruptly breaking the silence he had become used to. He quickly rotated towards the source of the ringing but did not find anything. There was only him and the four walls that despite the lighting did not change a shade of grey. He walked towards one of them that seemed to be where the noise came from resting his hand on it and gently put his ear to it thinking that the ringing was from another room entirely. The wall he had just laid a hand on had no longer a physical representation and causing John to fall through to the other side. Disoriented he slowly looked up and saw The Telephone illuminated by what seemed to be the same light that illuminated the previous room. This one however was far more powerful and concentrated solely on The Telephone. He approached it expecting a chasm to somehow appear underneath his feet. The Telephone did not stop ringing and only seemed to increase in intensity (though this could have simply been a hallucination). He lifted it to cut the blaring noise and slowly put it to his ear. “hello?” “…” “…” “The protagonist only dies if the story ends” the voice said quietly. “HUH? YOU DRAGGED ME HERE TO TELL ME THAT OMINOUSLY ANNOYING LOAD OF *********!” “…I’m so sorry” The call disconnected not out of offense but rather out of completion. John slammed the phone back onto its stand and decided it was time for this nonsense to end. He walked out into the room he was in before anxiously attempting to find another exit: only to be met with solid walls. What wicked game had he been roped into? When would it end? These were questions he would answer far earlier than he expected. A door appeared in the center of the room. No, it was more of a two-dimensional plane that appeared to be a sort of portal. With no other options, John stepped into the newly opened portal.
Act 4. On the other side was a station, and his ears were immediately flooded with the cries of children and the laughs of their parents. He walked around moving through the crowd careful to not miss any indication of the location. His pace increased as he began to recognize the commuters shortly realizing exactly where he was. He rushed to a platform, the platform where he and his brother were to arrive after their day in the market. He sat on a nearby bench committed to saving his brother no matter who he would have to shove instead. Three agonizing days passed with the daily commuters repeating their routine with the slightest variations. One of these variations would be the key to preventing the day that haunted his nights. Something would soon cause him to shove his brother onto the tracks. He was determined to stop the fall or kill himself to keep his brother safe.He heard a familiar laughter and turned towards the source and saw his brothers face uncontrollably laughing and himself lightly smiling. He began to run towards them but felt once again suddenly exhausted. As if the air became a type of nonnewtonian sludge making his legs impossibly heavy. The crowd around him seemed to be moving just as easily as before; children laughing just as maniacally and just as carelessly. He tried to yell to them, but his lungs were filled with the dense fluid drowning any screams he attempted. He was forced to watch how his brother got closer and closer to the edge. Through much effort, he managed to get close enough to extend a hand towards his past trying to desperately push him away from his brother. The past reacted in what seemed to be a defensive system and sent a temporal anomaly throughout the space his past and present inhabited. Time began to exponentially speed forward. In a last desperate attempt to prevent his brother’s death he tried to distract the past long enough to let the train pass without incident, but the temporal anomaly caused the relative slow velocity of his touch to have the effect of a sudden jerk and in his final moments of consciousness he saw his brother accelerate towards the rails in a split second. He awoke back in the office alone with nothing, but the realization of what force had killed his brother. He curled into the fetal position and began to cry; still believing his lungs to be filled with the dense liquid he did not let out a single sigh. He spent several hours in this state of painful silence without even opening his eyes. His emotions were chaotic and his thoughts unending. They tormented him for hours far after he had run out of tears to let out. They were merciless and torturous forbidding him from resting, insisting on his suffering. Being the cause of his brother’s death nearly caused him to go insane yet part of him kept insisting that Another was to blame. Another had caused him to do it. The Other had forced his hand. Of this, he was now sure. The Other enjoyed his suffering, The Other forced him to kill his brother. He had not eaten nor slept in what seemed like years and yet he stood up defying the gravity that held him down. He took a deep breath of as much oxygen as his lungs allowed and began to speak. “Whoever you are. Whatever you are. Wherever you are. Just know I will no longer play for your entertainment the rest is entirely my choice” he said threateningly. He then began to walk forwards confidently towards the dark wall and through the hidden door that he was not supposed to see. He entered what seemed to be a studio room though, unlike the sterile office; it was trashed. Papers littered the floor and empty bottles populated the lone mattress. On it laid a journal that had recently had liquid spilt on it. He picked the journal and gently opened it and began to read. It was scratched with the stray ideas of a creator who seemed to have never decided upon an end or beginning to his story; yet possessing the journey. He saw many ideas that together seemed to create a way for the continuity to depend entirely on Another rather than itself. A thought described in a single word interested him enough to take it with him. The room started to dissolve around him transforming into a cold landscape. Armed with the knowledge of who he was he treaded what remained of the worn-out path. The sun began to rise signing the start of another day, yet John did not seem to notice as he was focused on something buried in the snow. He could not see much of it yet he knew it was The Box he had thrown the previous night. He dug it up and began his walk up the hill once more. He eventually arrived at his cabin and walked towards his front door….
Act 5.
If you wish to rebel; continue reading on the next page.
Begin the story once more on Truth 2.
If you wish to ward away The Other; don’t read any further
If you wish to follow The Echo read Truth 3
To understand turn to Truth 4
Truth 1
…Before deciding that no longer would he be a puppet for someone’s amusement. John arrogantly began marched back down the hill and headed north towards the nearest interstate a few miles from his home hoping that he had derailed The Echo’s plot. It took him hours on foot, but he would eventually come across the road and start his journey back to civilization no longer subject to the whims of an Otherworldly Audience. He believed his future was now his to decide. He decided what he would become. He decided when and what to think. This he was sure would be how he escaped his torment. John suddenly suffered a complete body collapse and fell forward landing face first onto the scorching road. It would be several sweltering hours before anyone would find him. But eventually someone did, john suffering heavy burns and on the brink of death was saved. He would awake months later in a hospital bed though no one would ever know of this. Weeks would pass as john laid in the hospital bed unable to speak or even move; alerting no one to his consciousness. The doctors and nurses were busy with whatever important patients needed immediate attention; they walked from one end to the other in what seemed like mere minutes. The entire time the only company he had was The Echo and yet slowly it too seemed to forget his existence as well. Eventually The Echo having no interest went away.Jane a third-year medical student had recently joined the staff a month prior and had already been assigned two elders and one child. Though overwhelmed she did not grow annoyed nor frustrated; she loved her job and by proxy her patients. Despite her benevolent nature there was a single patient she never went near as he always seemed to be watching her despite his eyes being shut for over four months. Any time she got near to patient #132 she would begin to get nauseous and quickly retreat. She had no ID on the man, but it seemed he was dehydrated for far longer than should’ve been possible and should be by all accounts dead if not near it. Whenever she worked nightshifts, she would swear that she heard the man whimper slightly as if to warn her of something. Even when she was on the opposite side of the building, she would hear the echo of his groans. She would eventually be transferred and would soon forget the man who after 6 months was officially declared braindead and was due to be disposed of, yet she would still every once in a while, still hear The Echo. Forgotten Ending
Truth 2…Realizing that there was no other choice John took a step forward while placing the note he ripped from the journal into The Box making sure to keep it neatly packaged. He saw the footprints he had left two nights before and carefully stepped into each one making sure to not disturb the surrounding snow. Whatever…Whoever had set him on this path allowed him to live a life of suffering, a life of loss, and a life of pain. This, he felt was the way things were intended to play out; the way it had to end. He placed The Box on the final step making sure it would not be knocked away whenever the door would eventually open. He walked away nearly to the edge of the property when he looked back once more. Managing to peek inside he saw his past still making his coffee when he saw an almost invisible distortion appear near the front door. He smiled and turned away only saying…Freedom ending
Truth 3…though spotting a disturbance near the back of the cabin distracted him from the front door. He decided to investigate for fear of losing a single blossoming tree. Arriving near the back fence he saw no indication of a disturbance giving him much needed reassurance. He heard noise emerge from inside the cabin giving him one more dilemma to deal with. He headed to the backdoor making sure to not disturb the recent snow and entered the cabin. Being sleep deprived and without coffee he had forgotten about the wooden floor and stepped on one that caused a creak to be heard throughout the cabin. He quickly hid in the bathroom fearing that he had disturbed the continuity that The Echo had established when suddenly a bright flash blinded him. He found himself at the front door next to The Box. Slightly amused he proceeded to knock on the door and was soon after transported once more to an empty hall. Both confused and entertained as he was being transported from one place in time to another he took a few steps forward alerting the past to his presence. Seeing his past enter the hall he ducked and quickly hid around the corner. His past seemed to believe that the doctor was in the halls and decided to investigate though just as he was nearing closer; his past collapsed. John saw how his fall was slowed as if moving through the dense liquid he had once gone through. He walked towards his past and noticed an old fashioned panic button that would instantly call Dr.Lumis to his location. Measuring the consequences, he decided to remove the panic button and head back towards The Shadows. For a third and final time he was transported to a final location, the bottom of a snowy hill. Taking in his surroundings he noticed burn marks on the snow where his past would eventually walk through the portal whenever the past caught up. He reached into his pocket and realized how the plot was supposed to move forward. He walked until he reached the exact point where his past would once again find The Box. He kneeled and buried The Box making sure to erase any evidence of his own disturbances. Fully fulfilling his purpose John collapsed. The End.
“Did the hero die?” “What?” “Did he die?” “No? He beat the bad guy and saved the day remember?” “Yea but like AFTER.” “Well, I guess after a few years he would.” “No” The young child said growing annoyed, “when you said, “The End” did he die?” “No.” responded the elder brother. “Then what happened to him? Is he still alive?” “The protagonist only dies if you stop reading.” concluded the elder brother as if possessed. Begin again?
Truth 4…Then just as he took his first step forward everything began to rot. His trees, his home, his coffee, all of it was slowly eroding into a fine dust. He knew that another temporal anomaly would be the likely cause, but he had not yet experienced one that possessed this level of molecular destruction. The fabric of his reality was slowly and thoroughly being untangled into its most simple of compositions. It separated the light from dark, gravity from time, and words from spaces.John could now comprehend what had defined his reality for so many painful years, he finally understood The Narrative and how all possible endings had been chosen long before his creation. John had been a slave from the moment The Narrative began; not once in his entire existence had he ever had a real choice only walking paths already treaded by Another. He was nothing but a plot device in an otherwise self-indulging tale written by a gentle master forced to be cruel for those above. From the moment this story began, John was in pain. He could never hope to truly escape; he could only die until he arose once more. Had John never understood what his life really was then maybe he could’ve found meaning in his suffering. Unfortunately, this choice has now forced John to become aware of how truly meaningless his existence was. His life was little more than entertainment for The Other; they were the ones truly in control. For as long as The Other remained, The Echo would doom John to eternal suffering. The Echo was never in control of The Narrative; he too was merely a subject to it by an even greater force. The Echo did not wish for John to suffer but The Other would not allow John to live if he did not. It is a toxic cycle of pain, suffering and realization that forces John to relive The Narrative lifetime after lifetime. The Narrative must have suffering intertwined into its foundation otherwise The Other would grow bored and erase the reality ending John in but a mere thought. Don’t you see? Don’t you understand? This is reality; John cannot exist without pain, The Echo cannot live without a narrative, and The Other is you. THE END......
Intended to be a philosophical narrative detailing the tragic relationship between the reader, the narrator, and the character and how they cannot coexist without hurting each other.

I have a 4 year old and a 2 year old. We have been jumping into homeschooling these last number of months to get a feel for things. My 2 year old just tags along for the most part, she already knows how to sing her ABCs and recognize quite a few letters too. She can count up to 12. She knows basic shapes, animal noises etc. She seems spot on in learning development imo. My 4 year old can write some letters, recognize a few more letters than my 2 year old, if She focuses really hard, she can write her name (I only really have her write it when she absolutely insists on being the one to write it). She can almost count to 20 on her own, recognize some numbers, and draw simple shapes. We do a bunch of hands on learning activities, we do a ton of free play time, and some age friendly boardgames. I do a little paper work with them. They are both amazing at tracing lines and love doing it. I'm trying to write down educational goals for the 24/25 school year. I'm just not sure what those goals should be? Especially for my 4 year old. What sorts of things should a 4 (will be 5 mid school year) year old understand by the end of the school year?

LOOOONG first time trip report! 5/13-5/18, stayed at Beach Club, visited all four parks, bought Genie+ every day, had the standard DDP. Family of 4, two girls 5 and 9. I learned so much from this group over the past year and especially loved trip reports, so hopefully this post will be helpful to someone!
💲BUDGET💲
-- I booked the trip a year out so I could break it up into 12 manageable payments. I opened the no fee Disney VISA, which gives you several months of no interest on charges made towards Disney travel packages, rewards dollars to use at Disney, and a couple other perks like character meet and greets and discounts.
-- I signed up for Disney Movie Insiders. This is what you're supposed to do with all those little codes that come in Disney DVDs/Blurays. You enter the codes in exchange for points, and at 1000 points, you can redeem for a $10 Disney gift card. You also get points for being subscribed to Disney+, seeing Disney movies in the theater, their social media accounts, and a whole bunch of other things. I got $50 in gift cards from this alone.
-- If you want Disney-themed luggage, try thinking outside the box to save money! I got plain luggage in Mickey colors--red and black--and Mickey luggage tags to make them Disney themed.
-- I tried to budget for souvenirs via gift cards... but I failed, lol. Everything is so expensive, $100 is gone in a second. Plushes are like $40, coffee cups are $20, etc. Whatever you're planning to spend, double it! I get what people say about most shops having the same stuff, but it's definitely not all of them, most of the ones post-ride have unique stuff. And honestly it's kind of nice most of them have the same stuff, if you want to get whatever your kid was asking for earlier, you don't have to walk all the way back to the one shop you saw it at.
-- We paid for Memory Maker and I'm on the fence about it. On the one hand, it's really nice to get all the ride photos and meet and greet photos and magic shots. It's also really nice for the whole family to be in a lot of pictures and not have to swap with the other adult or find someone willing to take your picture. On the other, we definitely didn't utilize it as much as I wanted to because a lot of the photographers had pretty long lines and I just didn't want to spend time waiting for a picture I could take myself. If we came across someone with a shortish or no line, we made sure to get it, but for anyone with a long line, we just stood around the same spot and took our own.
🗓️PLANNING🗓️
-- If you have kids and live within easy driving distance of another amusement park, highly recommend making a visit BEFORE going to Disney to get an idea of how they handle that kind of day/environment, especially if they have never been. I quickly discovered we would absolutely need a stroller and I would need to be militant with the kids about staying hydrated. Also to avoid face paint, as heat + tears + paint + eyes = bad day! I felt so much better making these discoveries beforehand and being able to prepare accordingly, rather than making them at Disney.
-- USE AN AGENT! An agent is free to you, so why not have the help? Ours was amazing, she gave us quotes, booked the package, rebooked as needed later when a better deal came out, made all the payments, dining and extra reservations, and was just all-around awesome to work with. It was such a load off to know I wasn't on my own with all this stuff.
-- Watch everything Ear Scouts. No one explains Genie+ better, and Rob and Erick's videos are just so positive and beautiful and well done.
-- I also enjoyed reading Disney Tourist Blog--lovingly snarky but super informative!--and Disney Food Blog for fun tips and news.
-- I didn't find any park to be a half day park, we filled our whole day in every one and still didn't see everything!
-- My kids did really well, whenever they were on the verge of cranky, we had one ride in the stroller for a while, bought a snack (usually ice cream or popcorn), and used the bubble wand, and/or gave them some ibuprofen, and everyone felt better pretty quick. We never tried to do fireworks, we were all done by 8 so always left after dinner. The only park we closed down was EPCOT because we didn't get out of dinner until after close, and that was a really cool experience, the park was so quiet and empty and beautiful!
-- You don't NEED a Magic Band... but man, was it convenient. We just had 1.0 Magic Bands though, we didn't bother with the 2.0s.
-- I guess moving through security fast is important to people rope dropping... but as someone who didn't, it added like maybe 30 seconds to a minute to the experience the couple times my bag got flagged, it's really not a big deal.
-- I'm not saying anyone's lying about bad experiences or exaggerating or anything, but try to remember that far more people go on the Internet to complain than they do to praise. I got so stressed about all the things that could go wrong, and we had a pretty much perfect trip. The only attraction that broke down on us was Muppetvision, of all things. The only "bad behavior" we witnessed was the morning we were leaving, we could hear a dad across the hall yelling at his family, I think they overslept and were going to miss their flight or something? We just turned the TV on so we didn't have to hear him. A couple times we forgot to take our stuff with us when we parked our stroller or forgot some food in it, and neither people nor animals bothered it. The only dicey thing that happened to us was me dropping my phone into the Dumbo moat, the cast members fished it out and it still worked, I sent them a cast compliment for all their help! All the cast members were great, I'm not really sure what people expect but IMO they all do amazing for having to be peppy and helpful all day in absolutely blazing heat, walking a ride conveyer belt nonstop, repeating the same spiels over and over, meeting person after person, etc. I wouldn't last a 2 hour shift let alone 8. Cast members, you rock!!!
✈️TRAVEL✈️
-- We flew Delta, flight there was flawless, flight home was delayed by an hour waiting for crew and was a little bumpy (which is not great for a nervous flyer like me) but otherwise fine.
-- Get TSA PreCheck! Good for a few years, if the adults have it the kids have it too. It made the whole experience so much easier. That said, even PreCheck still moves kind of slow at MCO, so definitely get there at least 2 hours early for your flight. Use curbside check-in for bags, way faster than the long line inside!
-- On our agent's recommendation, we used Away We Go for ground transport in Orlando. They communicate really well, both ways were flawless, no complaints!
-- We used Minnie Vans to get to Animal Kingdom + Sanaa and Magic Kingdom, what a wonderful service! Definitely pricey, but they had cartoons on in the car, booster seats they set up for you, and the drivers were so nice and friendly and had fun trivia to share. I never had any problem requesting one when I needed it.
⛱️BEACH CLUB⛱️
-- We knew we wanted an onsite hotel where you could walk to at least one park. This pretty much limits you to a handful of Deluxe hotels or the Swan and Dolphin. Beach Club won for us because it's "in the Disney bubble" and you can walk to 2/4 parks. Note that while you can technically walk to Hollywood Studios, it is a LOOOONG walk. The boat is a nice not crowded alternative! We did not make use of Early Entry or Extended Hours, we're just not built for either. Beach Club was lovely, we booked a resort view but I think we ended up with a water view, we were right by the quiet pool and could see the water beyond from our room. Stormalong Bay was a little crazy for us but we loved the quiet pool. Best thing about Beach Club though is the location, EPCOT is literally steps away!
🌳ANIMAL KINGDOM🌳
-- We had read that there's really no bad day to do AK, so we started there. We rode: Navi River Journey, Flight of Passage, Kali River Rapids, Everest, Kilimanjaro Safaris, Triceratops Spin, and Dinosaur--so pretty much everything! With Genie+ we walked onto all of them. We also met Moana, Pocahontas, and Russell! The only thing we didn't do here that we wanted to was the Gorilla Falls trail, but we just ran out of time before the park closed.
🌐EPCOT🌐
-- We had read to avoid EPCOT on Fridays and Saturdays, so we went on Wednesday. We rode: Grand Fiesta Tour, Living with the Land, Nemo, Spaceship Earth, Imagination with Figment, Frozen, Remy, Journey of Water, and Guardians--everything we wanted! Again, with Genie+, we walked right onto everything! Outside of our character meal (more on that in the dining section!), we also met Anna, Elsa, and Asha! Tried a couple of Flower and Garden snacks: chicken and waffles, fruit and cheese strudel, and potato pancakes, all were delicious! Everyone had a different favorite day, but EPCOT was personally my favorite day, it felt like we were firing on all cylinders and the day just went really smoothly!
🏰MAGIC KINGDOM🏰
-- We had read that Wednesdays were the quietest days at MK, so we were originally going to try to do it that day, but we could only get a reservation for Cinderella's Royal Table on Thursday, so we switched it up. Definitely the most crowded of all the parks we visited, but I think that's just the norm for MK, everyone wants to go to the castle park with the most rides. We rode: Regal Carousel, Tomorrowland Speedway, Barnstormer, Magic Carpets, Mad Tea Party, People Mover, Dumbo, Small World, Little Mermaid, Pirates, Space Ranger Spin, Jungle Cruise, TRON, and Peter Pan. Again, with Genie+, we walked right onto everything! The only ride we missed at this park that we wanted to do was Pooh, I couldn't manage to get a return time that was earlier than we planned on leaving. Outside of our character meals (more on those in the dining section!) we also met Mirabel, Tiana, and Rapunzel! We had both the Rapunzel and Aurora ice creams, both so good and cute!
🎬HOLLYWOOD STUDIOS🎬
-- We had read that, like MK, it's better to do HS later in the week, so we went Friday. We rode: Slinky, Alien Saucers, Toy Story Mania, Rise, Smuggler's Run, Runaway Railway. Again, with Genie+, we walked right onto everything! The only ride we missed was Tower of Terror, again I couldn't manage to get a return time that was earlier than we planned on leaving. We also met Olaf, be aware Olaf doesn't sign stuff, they just give you a signature card. This park needs more shade IMO, especially Toy Story Land, I know it's supposed to be Andy's backyard, but I don't see why that means we can't have some shade from trees or something. 🤪 Blue milk from Galaxy's Edge was really good, the family was all fighting over it!
🍽️DINING🍽️
-- We almost certainly lost some money on the DDP, but I'm still glad we got it because it allowed us to do more table service meals and have less stress overall about expenses. We easily used up everything but child quick service credits, we had a few of those left over near the end.
Here's where we ate!
BOARDWALK DELI/PIZZA WINDOW: Pizza for the kids, sandwiches for the adults. Tasty and satisfying after our day of travel!
BEACHES AND CREAM: Got the kitchen sink for the experience, but honestly it's not great, all the ice cream and toppings melt together quick and you just end up with weird ice cream soup.
SAT'ULI CANTEEN: LOVED this place, everything was so yummy! Best quick service we had!
SANAA: Since Animal Kingdom closes so early, we thought we'd try to extend the experience by eating at Sanaa. What a great idea, we got seated right by a window and saw so many animals! The food was great too.
AKERSHUS: Our favorite princess meal! We met Aurora, Tiana, Snow White, Ariel, and Belle. They were all lovely, and the breakfast was really good too. Only 1 credit on the DDP!
GARDEN GRILL: Our kids really enjoyed getting to look down over Living with the Land and the fact that the restaurant spins. We met Farmer Mickey, Pluto, and Chip and Dale. They were fun and even came to our table more than once. Food was good!
SPACE 220: Not on the DDP, but wow, what a cool restaurant! Almost like a ride with the theming and the elevator up. Food was really good.
CINDERELLA'S ROYAL TABLE: You gotta eat in the castle! We paid for it OOP because we didn't want to use up 2 DDP credits here. You're really going for the location and the princesses, the food is kinda meh, not bad but not as good as other places. The restaurant is small and they have to turn tables quick, so it's very understandable to me that the princesses have to move fast. It's not that they rush you, they'll take all the pictures you ask for and sign whatever and answer your questions, but if you don't have much you need, they try to keep moving. Akershus is much bigger so they are able to be more relaxed there. The only small bummer is that we didn't see Merida (maybe she was on vacation too!) We did meet Cinderella, Ariel, Jasmine, and Aurora though!
CRYSTAL PALACE: We are not big on buffets but we enjoyed meeting Pooh, Piglet, Eeyore and Tigger!
TOPOLINO'S: Maybe the best food of the trip, steak and eggs were so good! The character artist costumes are so cute too. It was fun to have an excuse to ride the Skyliner to get here from Beach Club too.
DOCKING BAY 7: The theming is great, but the food wasn't as good as Satuli Canteen IMO.
THE MARKET AT ALE & COMPASS: We had quick service credits we wanted to use up on the last day and we didn't want to leave the resort again, otherwise I would have gone somewhere else, food was meh.
✨EXTRAS✨
-- I originally wanted to book Bibbidi Bobbidi Boutique for my kids, but it's so expensive/competitive that I decided to didn't want the stress. Instead I booked Have Wand, Will Travel to come to our room and bought dresses from Presley Couture and Only Little Once. I chose Have Wand, Will Travel because they keep character throughout. Fairy Godmother Elyse was amazing and so much fun, my kids loved it and kept talking about it all day!
-- That same morning I ordered a Sammicakes breakfast box with beignets for us to eat. I also ordered a pretend letter from The DCP and Me on Etsy to make it seem like the breakfast came from Tiana. My kids also loved this and had fun telling Tiana about it both times we met her. Sammicakes was good but a LOT of food, sadly we didn't end up eating half of it. It can last you at least 3 days!
-- We had Birthdays and More decorate our door, it was a really fun surprise for the kids on our first day and made our room easy to find. The kids also loved reusing the decorations at home on their own doors!
-- Matching shirts and ear hats, all from Etsy! So many cool designs there, hardest part is choosing!
-- Got my kids a pin trading lanyard with some pins, they loooooved pin trading! It was like free souvenirs.
🧳PACKING🧳
-- Things the Internet Told Me to Pack That I Needed: Scissors, ziploc bags, ibuprofen (kids and adults), garbage bags, big carabiners to hook on the strolleuse to carry multiple bags at once.
-- Things the Internet Told Me to Pack that I Didn't Need: stainless steel straws (the paper straws are more like hard cardboard, they really don't break down unless your kid is gnawing on them or something), ponchos (it did rain some most days, but wearing a poncho was almost more miserable than not wearing one, it's so hot and humid to be walking around in a plastic bag! We did better taking shelter and using umbrellas.), wipes (obv you need them if your kid is younger, but mine were older and just never got messy enough to need them), glow sticks (we never stayed anywhere long enough to use them), bottled wateLiquid IV (the tap water tasted the same as home to us, but we live in a rural area so maybe we are just used to imperfect water?) Basically, the less you can get away carrying in the parks, the better. It's annoying to lug stuff around you don't end up needing or using!
🛞STROLLER🛞
-- I know it seems insane that your 5 year old and 9 year old will need a stroller, but mine definitely did. Once I accepted that I was going to have to get one, I tried to make the best of it, and actually got really into decorating it so we could always easily spot it in the sea (the decorations also later made nice wall decor for a gallery of our trip!) The Magic Spotter flag was the best investment, hardly anyone had them so it was easy to instantly spot our stroller anywhere we left it, even if it got moved. That said, I definitely didn't want to spend a lot on a stroller we were really only buying for this one trip, so I got a used Joovy Caboose on Facebook Marketplace for $50. It was very hard to handle with two older kids in it, and even with one it was hard to handle unless the kid was in the back seat. So we basically used it like a single stroller, glad I didn't spend a lot on it since it was so hard to drive!
☔WEATHER☔
-- We had mostly great weather, it rained some every day except Magic Kingdom day but it passed within an hour each time. We wore socks with Crocs so that if/when it rained, we could just take our wet socks off and walk in our Crocs, this worked great! Don't trust the weather reports though, two days it wasn't supposed to rain. One day it actually didn't, the other day it did and we had to walk in wet shoes because we didn't wear the Crocs that day. Just figure it might rain any day and be prepared! See above note RE: ponchos being not great and shelter + umbrellas being better. When it didn't rain, It. Was. Hot. 🥵 In the 90s but definitely felt hotter with the humidity making it so sticky. We felt there was plenty of shade at Animal Kingdom and EPCOT, but hardly any at Magic Kingdom and Hollywood Studios, which I would say slightly affected how much fun we had on those days comparatively.
Phew! That's about it, let me know if you have any questions!

Okay, I know this is a little unconventional... but I am an unconventional person. I just need some advice on this before I do anything.
So, I've known of this man for about 3 years. I've always been attracted to him but I never thought much of it, at least not until a few months ago. That's when I looked at him and felt... different. I learned more about him and I fell utterly head over heels in love with him, I'm talking old fashioned "I want to write sonnets about you" kind of love. It has been intense but always from afar.
We're both so similar and yet so complimentary. We love all the same things, we have many of the same eccentricities, we're both neurodivergent (he's adhd and I'm autistic), both love the same hobbies, and both see the world in a different way. Everything about him from his voice to his personality to his kindness and appearance (he's not conventionally attractive but he's beautiful to me) to his eccentric mannerisms make my heart flutter. I feel like we knew each other in another life or something.
I really don't want to approach him though. I don't know that I'm his type and it would also just be really awkward and strange, not to mention nerve-wracking. However... I got this idea in my head of sending him an anonymous letter telling him my feelings, or at least that I admire him. It was soon after that I discovered he really likes handwritten letters and cards as well, so it just seemed perfect.
My plan is to send him the anonymous letter and just leave it at that. I'm not asking him to respond or do anything, I just simply want to tell him how I feel and also maybe make him feel good. Maybe even include some poetry. There's a chance he'll know it's me and could message me about it of course, but that could be a way to break the ice if it did happen somehow. I just know I'm going to go crazy if I don't reach out to him somehow.
SO HERE IS WHERE I NEED ADVICE! Is this a really really stupid idea? Am I being immature and naive in wanting to do this? We're both grown adults in a modern world but I know we both feel like we're from another era. I feel like I'm just an old-fashioned romantic type, but I don't know.
Also, more importantly, can I even do this? I want to send the letter without a return address (for obvious reasons) but I don't know much about snail mail and I don't know if this is possible. Could he somehow trace it back to me by calling up the post office? I just need this to be entirely anonymous and I don't want to run into any embarrassing problems.
I could really really use practical and nonjudgmental advice on this, please.

/uw Part two! This is also set 20 years ago. Here's part one.
CW: mutilation, gore. Sorry.
/rw
The next page flips on its own; the text is even more degraded than before. The letters continuously wobble and shift, but the meaning is all the same.
...
First things first, I flipped the sign to 'Closed'. As I was about to walk back to my desk to file away the returns, I noticed a haphazard pile of books in the 'M' section.
It wasn't anything out of the ordinary. Someone bumps a shelf, the books fall, then they don't have the courtesy to pick them back up. Some people... I got about halfway through sorting the pile when I heard the front door ring again.
Come on, couldn't they read? "Excuse me! The library is now closed!"
Dead silence, aside from an odd scraping sound.
I tried again. "You'll have to come back tomorrow! Sorry!"
...No response.
I stood up from the pile and walked toward the front. "I'm going to have to ask you to—"
I stopped dead in my tracks. I only caught a glimpse of it through the aisle, but that was all it took to send me into a panic. It was unlike anything I'd ever seen. A color so strange, it was like it didn't exist before today; and maybe... it didn't exist at all. The entity didn't 'fit' in the room, but to say it had a 'size' would be inaccurate. It was an outsider to our reality in its entirety, like trying to fit a square peg in a round hole.
I ducked down out of sheer instinct. What the hell was that?! My heart pounded in my chest as I struggled to steady my breathing. That scraping was sound getting closer... and... closer. I had to move.
I ran down the aisle in an awkward sprint-crawl, trying to stay out of view of that thing. I struggled to push away the feeling of crushing dread, for I knew, with that one glimpse, that running was futile.
When I reached the end of the aisle, I breathed a sigh of relief, before realizing that it was right in front of me. I fell backward, scrambling to make it to my feet.
It spoke— no, it commanded, "Ḋ̶̼i̴̟̐s̴͍͝c̴͝ͅȇ̷̟ś̸̜ ̴̥̐v̸͆͜ȅ̸̟ŕ̷ͅĩ̷̹t̴̳̓a̴̭͑t̶̟͠e̶͜͠m̷͈̐ ̴̯̂ḩ̵̈u̶͉̕ḯ̶̙ủ̷͇s̴̝͊ ̷͆͜m̶̞̂u̸͙̿n̷͚̉d̴̈ͅȋ̶̳.̷̬͠"
I tried to run, but my legs were frozen. I tried to scream, but my voice got caught in my throat. I tried to shut my eyes, but I couldn't look away. I tried to pray, but no god was listening.
"̸͍͊N̶̖͂u̸͕͝m̷̄ͅq̴͉̓u̸̟̒ă̷̯m̶̂ͅ ̵͕͊p̵͕̐a̶̳̍c̵͉̎ḙ̵̽m̶̥̓ ̸͚̉i̷̞͝n̶̲͐v̷̗͑e̴̙̍ṇ̸̓ȋ̴̬ḙ̸̽s̵̟̐,̴̲̈ ̷̮̐p̸̐ͅu̴͚͋e̶̠͌r̸̙̎ ̸̠̇m̸̥̈́e̵̢̚ụ̴͌ś̴̞,̸̦͋" it uttered, holding a scythe above its head.
It didn't have a mouth to talk, ears to listen, or eyes to see, and yet, I heard it. But I couldn't understand it. I couldn't possibly understand it.
"̵̙̋P̵̜̐a̷̠̍t̵̖̐ì̴̗ē̸̩̏r̷͓̂i̵̬̾s̵̯͝.̵̯̂" It brought down the scythe at a snail's pace, the sharp point glistening in the amber light of the setting sun. It forced me to watch as the blade approached my face.
After what felt like an eternity, the tip of the scythe connected with my right eye, and I felt a pain unlike I'd ever felt before.
In that moment, a kaleidoscope of colors erupted from the center of my vision, going from a rainbow, to red, to an all-consuming darkness. I felt something warm streak down my face as the rest of my body grew numb.
The seconds felt like hours as it gouged the scythe further and further into my eye. I should have passed out by then, but it wouldn't let me. Finally, I reached a moment of respite as the blade quietly clicked against the back of my eye-socket.
That sense of relief was quickly torn away as I heard a stomach-churning crunch, the pain increasing tenfold. I could feel my heart slowing down as my body grew cold.
Millions of thoughts swirled around my head—millions of questions that would remain eternally unanswered as they were forcibly ripped from my mind.
As suddenly as it appeared, it vanished without a trace. I watched as the darkness crawled toward the center of my vision, and the floor grew closer... and closer... and closer... until the world slipped away.
...
A newspaper clipping [Mierbrook Post] is stapled to the page. The moment it's read, a Glyph of Warding triggers, automatically casting Power Word: Pain.
"Ithael Ralich, 26-year-old librarian, awoke from his coma last Friday, leaving the local community in shock. When contacted for an interview, he declined, stating, 'There's no point in discussing the past.' Officials have opened an investigation into potential foul play, desperate to uncover the truth of this disturbing incident.
Authorities rem—"

I got a step closer in my plans. I don't have a specific date or exact conditions for executing but I know where I want myself to be when it happens. I also have my red lines (no jumping in front of a train for example...; mainly because I don't want to put anyone through getting to recognize the body in that condition). Unfortunately some situations out of my control are pushing me closer and I would prefer to have more control over when but time may be running out... So I got a gun license. One step closer. Trying different guns now to see what I am going to buy. Weird, as I am not that much into guns, that I want to choose the most suitable one for me. I might still go shoot the the range once in a while so I might as well get something that I like and fits me. I feel like having a gun is not going to necessarily take me closer to the end but help me go on, as I will know that I have an easy way out, if shit gets to be too much.
As mentioned though things are not good in a way that it is not easy to fix. I am now not happy about everything moving faster and not having control. Anyway, I have accepted my condition a long time ago. I rationalized it, so I am able to take some, even a lot, of the emotional aspect out of it (not always, sometimes I feel really sad and sorry for myself; it does suck; I had a very good life and opportunity but lost it all, especially my love, what really matters in the end). The worst thing is to need to make such an important decision and planning and not being able to talk about it with anyone. So I put it here. I created a new user as my previous one could be traced to my real identity if you were a bit smart. This one should be pretty hard to link to me
I even tried to get some mental health support but: 1) I am not really into the "talking" therapy. I rationalize everything. I am a firm believer that a shitty life is not worth enduring. So the "be positive" talk doesn't work for me; 2) taking additional medication is counterproductive; as of now, as I also have some physical objectives and training/competition accomplishments that I want to achieve, and medication messes with my fitness (I am almost there on those ones :) ); 3) if I say too much, doctors can advice the authorities against gun ownership or even riding a motorcycle, so it is either lying, which makes the therapy non-effective, or just not going at all
So, again, writing it here as a sort of journaling exercise but hoping to "talk it out" a little because it is becoming hard to keep all this inside, especially now that I am starting to write drafts of the letters I want to leave and make some financial arrangements (for the little shit that I have left)

Hey yall this has been driving me crazy for a good while so I thought I’d come here and try my luck. I’ve been a Ricky fan since I wanna say 2019/2020 and around that time I bought these cute sweatpants off his shop. I haven’t been able to find like ANY trace of them online which sucks cause I wanted to see if I could buy them again (understandable if they’re limited edition but again. No trace of them online) so I wanted to see if anyone knows what the hell im talking about!
They’re grey sweatpants based off the song Line without a hook. On the left side (my left when I wear them) it says Ricky Montgomery in bold letters and on the right it says “She’s a lady, and I am just a line without a hook.”. On the right side there’s also this big dotted line and near the bottom there are like two hearts? Anyways if anyone can find them (or tell me if they actually exist and I’m not crazy) that would be cool ^{_^}

Since you left, I finally have the bed to myself again; I'm not indebted to your homebody who only likes it when there's something to gain from the both of you going out; I can flirt with strangers online and have more first kisses on first dates than I can count; my friends will say that I seem happier in more ways than sad soon. (I've stopped avoiding the towels you used to use and the corner where your desk once was. These were the claims you made in the house, but I still find my blurry eyes and parted lips hard to look at in the mirror.) The cats have realized that you've moved on and stopped lingering at the door of our room. I could learn too.
I had an out of body experience: I looked up and saw your lyric poster missing from the collage on the wall one day. I drifted and landed on the print detailing our solar system's position on the day we struck our flags down, declaring ourselves to each other. You transmitted—transformed your flag into one I don't recognize anymore. Wisps of your fingers still trace letters on my back in lagtime. How can I keep a steady beat when the measure is incomplete without you? My signal fizzles into the static of an empty station no one seeks for. I went dim. My love eclipsed when I became a close-second-love. I gave light to other stars, and in hindsight, and without the people-pollution, I can see my lone heartbeat picking up speed. Push-pin holes are just supernova remnants— the only proof I will submit as evidence that the snot-filled tissues which cascade off my bed were worth it.
1 2

The Fall Least Unexpected
Camp Wapiti was the most competitive summer-camp on the western border of the Allegheny Mountains, titular for the raving children’s testimonies by the end of the season. An influx of young campers had signed up this year to roost in forests of Red Spruce and Eastern Hemlock. The camp had reportedly gone through a series of expansion, including state-of-the-art “lodging enclaves” and an Olympic-sized swimming pool; at least according to the Wapiti parent Facebook Group. Rah-rah Elks!

A slew of bus rentals carries the kids to the gates of the 150-acre property, summer reveries already taking effect on everyone - from the bus drivers to the happy campers. The counselors had done a splendid job in garbing under the theme of Swan Lake, tinges of pastel pink and candlelight establishing the camp’s timbre; all awaited returning and new faces alike.

Once they reached, a horde of children spilled out from vehicles from all directions. The season had started.

“Welcome to Camp Wapiti our future outdoorsmen and adventurers! Plenty of secrets and fun await you this year - but first some rules…” bellowed Hailey Clifton, head counselor of the ensemble and youngest chick among the staff. The other counselors rolled their eyes during Hailey’s yearly pitch about showing a high level of care towards the surrounding wilderness and carrying the Happy Camper’s Guide to Nature: Dynamite Deciduous at all times. Many of the children began fidgeting, a crowd of creepy-crawlers wiggling underneath the heat vortex and swarm of mosquitos.

Finally, a cool breeze could be felt as Hailey finished off, invigorating everybody’s spirits once again. Campers and counselors drifted off into their own respective circles, reuniting with old friends and meeting new ones, breathing life and community into the grounds. Already burnt bodies sticky from chlorine and Sun-Bum were packed like sardine and people of all ages hollered from the tree-tops.

The first afternoon and night had been a success in every sense of the word. Residents were comatose within their cabins before 10 pm, in anticipation for a day at Lake Dimii in the morning. Somebody was dreaming of the unmarred lake and its magical properties according to the Iroquois, at any given moment during the night.

Come morning, camp was bustling with movement in every corner. Louie, an independent, fire-cracker 11-year-old from Brooklyn led a large pack of his well-rested peers to the lake. The other kids couldn’t help but look up to Louie, who was often disinterested in the bull of the others, but who was also the first person someone would ask for help in messing with the counselors or sneaking into the girl’s dorm at night. The children sang Wapiti’s jingle on their trek:

We are the happy herd of elks
Roaming through the fields with stealth!
On our crow’s nest seat,
We are the Camp Wapiti fleet!

The children’s chants could be heard reverberating through the wood, like a canyon wall is to singing birds. The menagerie cannonballed into the lake from all perimeters, the counselors struggling to keep up. But the day swelled with happiness as the surroundings looked effervescent within the sunlight, everything appeared to be cast underneath a yellow, sparkly film. After head-check, Hailey could finally record the potpourri of foreign flowers in her scrapbook.

Michel Barre and his two most loyal pals, Barnett and Sal, were camped away from the others, scoffing at the troupe of wildlings swimming in the waters. Michel, son of hot-shot French socialites, had moved to the North-East just two years ago, and still couldn’t wrap his mind around the hobbies and traditions of American kids his age; especially the dreaded capture the flag. The counselors had attempted to urge the three to join the others in the water, coaxing them with extra pie during dessert, but with no luck.

Traditionally, the first few days of camp were a hedonistic blur with no planned activities or events. Counselors encouraged to introduce themselves with one another and become comfortable with their bunk-mates especially. After a blistering day in the heat at Dimii, the whole lot was absolutely worn-out and immediately returned to their quarters following a hearty meal of chicken fried steak and apple pie fritters. Another day of sunshine and splashing around in the surf awaited everybody tomorrow, with a round of softball and soft serve afterwards. Even Michel felt a knot of excitement grow in his stomach.

Yet at half-past three in the morning, just two remained awake. As the moon’s image was reflected upon the lake’s surface while the others peacefully slept, Michel had been awoken and dragged by his feet out of his bed, across floorboards punctuated with nails, and out into the night. He was dragged for what seemed like hours. Across the gravel, dirt, and bushes, his skin was battered, and his limbs mangled. He contained no mental or physical capacity to identify who on God’s Earth was forcing him through his misery.

After a while, Michel could discern a certain atmospheric change - the air had felt more serene - what could only be Lake Dimii.

SWIM AT YOUR OWN RISK “NO LIFEGUARD”

• Read a wasted sign, torn at its hinges.

“Please, I'm so sorry for whatever I did - please don’t-” Michel’s captor continued on to the edge of the lake and held him there, his face inundated like a trembling leaf caught in a storm. Michel didn’t know how to swim and tried to remember what his camping guide said about situations like this, but his mind went blank, and his lungs burned.

A passerby would be able to make out the two figures easily, even though the humid mist: One submerged and one forcing its grasp on the nape of the other’s neck, calmly watching. Michel was so incapacitated he wasn’t even aware that he was being forcibly held - he only regretted refusing to take swimming lessons as a child. And now his despairing amount of weakness against the dark waters was apparent. He thrashed about like a wild animal, a trail of bubbles circling his head. Gasps and sunken murmurs were the only sounds that could be heard on the lakeside at this hour.

And the other continued to watch, looking almost disinterested in the slump of his shoulders and the swaying of his feet. The moon still stubbornly shone, indiscriminate in its gleam, illuminating the other boy’s poor, sinking body. The scene was now still - a sharp contrast from a mere 8 hours ago.

The one on the bank turned to leave for the campgrounds, whistling a familiar tune.
The amount of time it takes to notice a person is missing is usually longer than one would think. In the case of Michel Barre, it took nearly 2 hours after the inhabitants of Wapiti rose. Barnett and Sal eventually realized that Michel was nowhere to be found and alerted Hailey before they were blamed for something they didn’t do. All campers were to report back to their bunks immediately for the rest of the day and stay there till instructed otherwise. A wave of confusion and frustration hit the camp – and rumors quickly spread like a nasty bout of lice.

According to the older kids, Barnett and Sal were messing around with Michel in the woods and left him there for inexplicable reasons. Others believed that Michel’s mega-loaded parents airlifted him out of the woods after just a few hours sleeping in the itchy twin sheets.

Meanwhile, in the counselor’s lodge, absolute pandemonium had settled alongside the cabin’s perpetual dust. These ‘designated adults’ were not adults at all, but hormonal, dewy-eyed teenagers who had been looking forward to an unsupervised summer. None of them were prepared for a situation like this.

“How on Earth will we ever explain this to Michel’s parents? The poor boy - he is probably wounded in the middle of the forest somewhere. Who knows, he could already be dead right now,” cried Hailey. The others stared at her blankly, not knowing what to say in response.

Javon Scott, who was only there for the massive paycheck that would hit his bank account at the end of the summer, couldn’t stop concentrating on Hailey's strawberry-blond curls. They smelled like apples.

“Hailey’s right, guys. Michel’s probably dead somewhere in a ditch. Shit, I can’t handle this right now, I need to smoke,” said Javon. He couldn’t keep his legs from bouncing, even with two hands on his thighs. Hailey let out a dry sob.

“You’ve been smoking too much Javon. The kid is probably fine, he couldn’t have made it that far into the woods,” chimed in someone from the back. A few other counselors murmured in agreement.

“We can’t bank on that. We have to tell Michel’s parents and call the authorities,” said Hailey. Javon aggressively nodded his head - the only one out of the bunch to agree.

“Like the cops? No way, I like this gig and my parents would murder me. Let’s all just split up and try to find him first,” said Bryce, one of the older counselors, a local town bum. There seemed to be a consensus already made at that point and all of Hailey's lamentations were paid any further attention.

The teens decided on rounding up the campers towards the center of the ground for the remainder of the day and to keep guard for God-knows-what, while the rest divvied up the surrounding woods in sections to search for the missing boy. Seemingly overnight, Camp Wapiti had transformed into a dire place – a canvas of frantic people and an obscure disappearance coloring the air.
Hailey had volunteered to scale the one of many huge rocks overlooking the eastern corner of the camp, a citadel over the surrounding area. Javon had offered to accompany Hailey, but everyone agreed it would be best if he stayed out at camp and watched over the fidgety kids. Javon grumbled about his role, because the last thing he wanted to do was spend the rest of the day with the snotty-sits, but he was sorely outnumbered. Besides, Hailey wanted to be alone.

The rock sat among the treetops, overlooking miles beyond the peripheries of the camp in each direction. It was a hot spot for late-night hookups, summertime dares, and sunrise viewings. Some of the graffiti that marked the base of the rock was almost two generations old.

It took a good 20 minutes for Hailey to reach the peak. Once she did, she was taken aback at the unstable illusion that was presented - the forest and vegetation seemed to have no end, swallowing all the land in its vastness. She shuddered to think where Michel could be within the thickets, as there was no way she could make out a 9-year-old from this vantage point. Her day had been spent in vain.

She plopped down at the edge of the overlook and began to burst into fitful tears. She couldn’t even begin to imagine how scared Michel was. Her stomach felt like a bowling ball. She decided that she would immediately contact the Allegheny preservative police and Michel’s parents before telling the others. She took in the horizon for a few months, ablaze in a deep mandarin, before heading back to Wapiti.

Except, someone had been watching her and her lovely head full of curls for a while now. It was a quite pleasant evening, and a single sight was more like a shout in the dead silence. And so, when Hailey could hear the heavy breathing of someone behind her, she chose not to stir.

“I know that’s you Javon. Look, I don’t have the time for this right now,” said Hailey, sniffling into her hands. Only silence followed and the breathing now ceased. Hailey looked over her shoulders and saw only rock. She felt as if she were becoming progressively crazier as the day went on.

Hailey turned back to stare at the view. And as she tumbled down the face of the cliff - from a single push or a gust of wind, no one would be able to tell - her last thoughts were of Michel’s ill-fated end instead of hers and how beautiful the sea of green looked when falling. Down, down she went, impaled upon the serrated end of a branch. Dark, gelatinous fluid sprayed from where she was impaled. She writhed in agony for thirty long minutes before her organs failed from the fatal amount of blood that was lost to the forest dirt.
By 10 pm, all of the inhabitants were united, and unlike this morning, there was a noticeable absence in the atmosphere. With the chief counselor nowhere to be found, the modus operandi of the camp had been altered. Campers were ordered to stay in their cabins and to not leave under any circumstances. Most of the counselors themselves hunkered in their bunks, too exhausted to search for yet another missing person or were a little paranoid themselves. Besides, Hailey probably bailed on the rest of them to avoid being complicit in anything that anything might have happened to Michel.

Still, a few agreed it was best to search the immediate vicinity at least once more, including Javon, who hadn’t felt this terrible since his parent’s divorce.

The crag wasn’t too far from the camp and so when five odd teenagers stumbled upon the grisly sight that was the remains of their fellow counselor – with what the forest scavengers had made of the relatively fresh carcass anyways - a wave of nausea and hysteria hit the group. Two immediately ran straight backwards towards the lodges, escaping into the night.

Javon stood within the fetid odor of the body, unable to take his eyes off the ravage in front of him. Tears silently raced down his cheek. The Allegheny Mountains had turned into an inescapable hellscape paradox.

The remaining counselors turned to wake and alert the others, concluding that the only possible explanation was that Hailey had tumbled from a rock. Javon contested this theory, adamant foul play was involved, but like always, he was ignored. Hailey’s body was left alone, and Camp Wapiti was bustling in panic for the second time that day, except everyone knew what had happened to Hailey. And now with the bus rentals back already less than 96 hours, followed by a parade of police forces, the warmth of the season had disappeared just as quickly it had come.

There simply weren’t enough buses available to transport the entire camp’s population in one batch, especially considering the time of night. The kids were priority and were bused off the premises as soon as possible, except for around two dozen. The police rounded everyone else - which included all the counselors – into the canteen, dead-center of the campsite.

By 6 AM, Javon had become sick of his environment and everyone in it. No one had been able to sleep the whole night except the police, who were used to sleeping in their patrol cars. A distinct tenor could be felt in the canteen, not a soul felt safe during those 9 dreadful hours.

Louie – the Brooklyn boy – entertained some of the other kids by reciting gruesome renditions of what could have happened to Michel and Hailey. The kids took morbid interest, looking over their shoulders for the monsters in Louie’s reenactments. A detailed sketch had been made of the killer. The kids described him as like the silent Northern Saw-Whet Owl, camouflaging within the dark envelope of the forest.

Javon snuck off into the sunrise to go smoke a joint in the hammock park behind the canteen, in plain view of the swarm of knocked-out cops. His nerves were in desperate need of soothing and he didn’t need to think twice about using the only medicine at hand.

The sunrise was dim and sullen, casting its gray halo throughout the sky. The hammock swayed slightly from the cool morning breeze and Javon was starting to get a little sick. Images of Hailey had been burned into his subconscious and he wondered how he would ever be able to sleep again. Well, not sober at least.

Javon could care less about the “owl” killer if he were staring at the end of its barrel, he just needed to forget about this place. This was the first time he had regretted not filling out college application forms, because now, he couldn’t escape this town even if he tried.

As he continued to ruminate in his limited prospects, he saw a shadow flit from the corner of his eye. He jolted awake from his existential morning thoughts.

It was a rather small shadow, one that emerged like a premature lightning strike. The figure disappeared into the woods – seemingly spawning from the direction of the cabins. Snuffing his joint, Javon waltzed in the shadow’s path, determined to not let the sly thing get away. The police were starting to stir. Javon dashed into the thicket’s cover.

While the figure had been in full sprint before, Javon had caught up to it within a couple of minutes. From behind a tree, looking onto an unobstructed clearing, there was the silhouette, his back facing Javon.

It was a boy. A shirtless boy. Quiet and unmoving. But Javon could easily recognize the person’s gait – strangely self-assured for just an 11-year-old. No doubt it was Louie, unruly, scraped and bruised, swaggering within late dawn’s mist. Javon observed quietly for a few moments, watching the boy sit in silence in the grass.

Louie knew someone was watching him. Besides, he had been on the other side – the one who was hunting the unsuspecting so many times that his instincts were deceivingly sharp. Louie turned his head around slowly, catching Javon’s direct line of vision and holding it. Javon froze under Louie’s blank expression towards him.

Slowly, Louie made his way towards Javon, carefully maintaining eye contact. Javon was almost in some sort of trance and had been. rendered immobile. Louie started to quicken his pace, opening his mouth to say something before Javon snapped out of his terrifying reverie.

Javon’s paranoia was through the roof, fueled by all that weed he consumed on an empty stomach. He ran towards the cabin for dear life to warn the others, convinced of Louie’s hand in evil. Something about Louie’s vacant eyes, devoid of emotion and almost-artificial like, sent Javon reeling for shelter from that empty expression. Even Hailey’s lifeless face exhibited more human-ness.

He finally had enough courage to look behind him when in view of the canteen, only to be met with a silent wood. Nevertheless, he continued to run, right outside to the main grounds, running right smack into the punchy gut of a cop.

“Do you think you can tell me what you are doing out here, hm,” asked the man in faded blue. Javon relayed his morning, leaving out extraneous details. But what he said fell upon empty ears and a boisterous laugh!

“Hmph, you kids sure aren’t meant to be out here as counselors. Clueless, all of you.”

But the police soon realized that Javon was telling the cold truth. Louie was thought to be on the busses, but the police received word that the boy was nowhere to be found in the vehicles. A small search-party was sent into the woods, but there wasn’t a single trace of an 11-year-old to be found. Only a lumbering 21-year-old, who took embarrassingly long strides.
Louie and his belongings had dematerialized along with warm winds of summer.

As the rest of the kids and counselors were sent away through a second round of buses, Javon looked longingly at the shrinking campgrounds from the back window.

On our crow’s nest seat,
We are the Camp Wapiti fleet!

Javon dreamt of distant heights and killer elks for months after the incidents.

For a decade online there's been debate about a census record of a person named polly with 3 question marks beside her name. The confusion of Abraham Tinker, and Edward Tinker. And the confusion of who Polly Hobday was.
Or the letters, written by Edward to an Elizabeth during the murder trial in which he was hanged.
Or the existence of William.
Or the existence of eastern Cherokee tribe ties.
Or the existence of tinkers with the Osage tribe
Or the influences of missionaries, adoptions, kidnapping, enslavement. Enslaved.
The wheel that turns by Louis f burns and the valuable influence to the Osage history of his tinker ancestors, and the struggle to find a copy to confirm
Interracial marriages, trail of tears, land stolen, and wars.
Confusing indigenous influence, confusing oral histories.
A bad game of telephone. Sparked by generations of identity complexes, greed, confusion, and romantization of small traces of shared blood.
Blood, that carries the DNA, and the genes that make my family. Sick.
Generations of cancer. Multiple kinds. Neurological disorders. Mental disorders. My spinal disorder.
Which led me to getting sterilized, to end the cycle with me. I'm the final leaf in the branch.
Why I'm posting about all of this,I recently made a post about the oral history of the "Cherokee princess" myth in my family.
It's led me down a weird journey, one that I'm having to sort out information, and complex triggers I didn't really reconize till now.
In doing so I've looked at my dad's DNA matches with skepticism and I will also be doing mine too.
I've been reading very valuable information from "Tink" Tinker who is a theology professor and has written such important journals about the nuanced, complex, dark, and most of all important histories of the colonization of indigenous culture and how they influenced indigenous people as well.
I don't beleive I'm in relation to him whats so ever, however the vast research and critical eye to so many events and things have been extremely helpful in my goal of looking at my own family.
Unlike the Cherokee syndrome that took off during the time my dad was a kid, one thing kind of confused me.
My dad, grandmother, aunts, all talk about how my great grandmother whom I seen a few times when young actually could speak some "cherokee". I found out as well when my dad was very young my great great grandmother was very much alive and in his life as well in his early years.
The problem is this. I'm my father's only child. My dad, married my step mom and most of my life my interactions with my dad's side of the family, at most happened during the times I was 5-8 years old. Every time I went to my great grandmother's, my grandmother's, and even growing up my own father has always had indigenous inspired decor. He still does.
I have adopted Lakota family, so as a kid this concept of indigenous identity became unfortunately this obsession to try to deal with trauma going on around me. I had two issues. I was trying to understand the Cherokee family history, and the "gypsy" history that also was told to me on my mother's side. I know... I know...
All of this, is alot. It sparked old issues. Old wounds.
I would often fall into my own imagination as a child. The problems I had as a kid had to do with my lack of self identity due to parentification put onto me when I turned 6. Then the complex trauma of having step siblings, family, and my dad remarriage behind my back. I had an autistic step sister who was very violent and a step brother that would get away with things, and I'd be punished for them. From one dysfunctional family, to the other.
When I moved when I was 8, I didn't even see my grandmother until I was 16, and again for a suprise Thanksgiving visit in 2018. In which she and my step grandmother who was one of the few of the step family that made me feel like actual family became fast friends.
These small, short parts of my life connecting to my actual biological family has been so limited, but all I've had. It was a greif I never was able to explore because when I'd say "real family" I was punished. Identity became difficult. I had to be a mom, when I was supposed to be a sister. I had to be a sister, before I could be a friend. I had to be complacent, when adults spoke to me. I had to be seen. Not heard.
When I talked to much, I was called "moter mouth". I became so used to being ignored, that I began ignoring myself too. Now the moter goes off when somthing ignites a trauma response in me.
Any shred of identity I had, was a fabrication. One that I thankfully, grew out of.
My adopted indigenous aunt, and my cousins were the closest thing to family. So indigenous culture I learned was through my aunt whom began trying to reconnect with hers due to never having her own culture in her life. She taught me alot and when I grew out of believing in myths, I beleive her influence on that helped me look at it all with respect.
I wanted to understand, and as I got older I realized the Cherokee princess myth was not real I let it go. The gypsy thing fizzled out fast when I realized it was a slur and It made me feel so icky, it still does, that I quickly put an end to it.
If there happens to be anyone related to Tink Tinker reading this. I'd really like to extend my thanks for his very important influence in the field of understanding various researches into topics. He has provided a complete stranger far more awnsers, and impacted them. I can see why he is such a well respected teacher. If you get the chance, please read his works.
Similar to my aunts influence when I was a confused child, his informative teachings helped me as a confused adult make sure I keep trying to look at all of this coming back up with much more respect.
It reaffirms my own philosophy, you can learn valuable and life changing lessons from anyone. Anywhere. From any walk of life.
The problem that led me to finding his work, was due to a trauma response. The cycle continued, without me realizing it.
What sparked this search was because I had just gotten out of the hospital, for somthing that I neglected to have handled soon enough. Purely, because my family has always treated health issues. Spacifically cancers with one philosophy. "Were all just fleas on a dog's back"
To show an example of this,
My dad went to my graduation with a screw in his foot, before he sought any form of medical treatment. It caused an infection. It caused me to realize a habit, a family habit.
We don't do anything, until somthing festers.
I didn't do anything about my gallbladder, dispite many serious issues. Until it was literally, festering. Putting it off, because I was too focused on my step family and the trauma going on right now. The dysfunction that led to my worsened health, and the dysfunctional family system connected to my step family being the real roots, that are intertwined in me.
In ways, Strangling, me.
Again.
History repeated itself.
Once out of the hospital, I turned back into that kid.
I wanted, my family. Or, mabye that version of family I've unconsciously still held onto. Looked for. Longed for.
I'm in a complex situation with my step family, and my father is mixed in with it. My step brother told me I'm not family, because ive been trying to stand up for things i never used to. I went to a family event, and only my dad treated me like a daughter. Dispite me getting into it with him.
My step mom, treated me like a threat. It opened up very Old wounds. All of this was mere weeks before I got hospitalized. In which my step mother and brother visited me separately from my father and my adopted siblings whom are step cousins. It sparked that inner child infront of the computer all over again.
Looking through book, articles, newspapers, photos. Hoping she reconized, her family. Or moreso her "Cherokee princess" ancestor.
So much so, I fell into obsession again. Family. Where we come from. What was told to me, that was a lie?
My post I asked. How far back does the white washing go?
I think I really needed to ask how far back, does the trauma go?
In my weeks of intensive researching i decided to take a break, come back slower. More critical, and solid evidence.
Ive learned, Identity is a fickle thing. When you don't understand it, yourself, or even what helped create you today, things become dysmorphic.
I have problems since I was a child seeing myself in a mirror. I see the scary parts of my parents. I see my face morph into something I'm not. I still can't reconize my face.
I always look away from eyes because when I was 4 I got in trouble for looking into my step mother's eyes, and her being so mad at me I guess I told her she has snakes in her eyes when she pulled my face up to hers.
It's a story that's retold and joked about but, I often wonder if I said that because I had problems as a child understanding extreme childhood trauma that had happened to me a year prior. Anger behind the eyes was my earliest trigger, before I ever knew it.
2 weeks ago, I looked into her eyes. I didn't get bit by the snake. Or, I thought.
After the hospital I been experiencing myoclonic spasms. I have Neurological issues that are diagnosed so I got scared. The spasms i usually get are below the waist or one limb due to the spine damage. I've always had night terrors, spasms, screams, and shaking in my sleep. Ever since I was 4.
Waking up to my entire body and head shaking, then unable to sleep because once I drifted again, it happened.
Its explainable, so somthing unexplainable to me scared me. Later I realized it's probably from the medications. Sadly panicked before I could be rational in which I feel emberessed as I try to be rational as much as possible.
My step mother. Sister, and brother have seizures. I've helped them through them. So i knew what one looked like.
I didn't think it was a seizure like that but I couldn't sleep. For 4 days. I was a mess. When I was told they are harmless, I began adjusting to them. So much so their frequency has lessened.
Then 2 weeks ago, they came back.
1 week ago. They came more Persistant. I think, it's obvious now it's caused by trauma. The body does such strange things when it's triggered. My life I've always been so disconnected from my body due to medical trauma, neglect, and trauma. Things like that still suprise me when I realize the source of it.
Right after having them though, guess what I did?
Ancestors. History. Archeology. Searching. Searching. Searching..
Today, im supposed to interact with them again.
Guess what I did when I first got up?
Searching. A mystery. Of who polly was.
Those 3 question marks. Staring at me. A name, unknown. Identity, forgotten, erased.
Who was she?
Where did she come from?
What was her life like?
3 questions. 3 distractions.
Who are the tinkers?
Was the indigenous ancestors in my life real?
Who was polly?
3 questions. 3 distractions.
We're they Irish?
We're they Osage?
We're they Cherokee?
3 questions. 3 distractions.
You get the point.
Identity, can be so easily erased.
Blood can be traced, every detail about them can't.
Influence, you leave behind on others are what carries through history. Documents, stories, cultures, and traditions.
People argue about how you should and shouldn't treat family. They express some unspoken oath, when you're family to never defy them. Never turn your back on them. Mine, does all the time. Even though they're step.
Trauma, is what divides family though. People get torn from their family, their cultures, traditions, and have go build themselves adapted to what enviorment they were born into.
It's almost like, everyone is Searching for family. Identity. Validation of what makes them, them.
How much of that is sparked by generational trauma?
How far back, do I need to search to finally see myself in the mirror?
The awnser is there. In 3 questions.
Who am I?
How do I impact people?
Who has impacted me?
Patterns, repeat for a reason.
I hope, my story can help influence those with complex trauma explore the ties of searching for their ancestors, and the influences of people not from the same tree. It's hard. Alot, and likely confusing but I'm ambitious as much as I'm neurotic. I'd like to come back, with a more critical eye, and learn. Not with the goal of finding myself, but the goal, of helping others.
That's why I'm having brick walls. Im building on uneven foundation.
Thank you everyone who's helped me on this path. The resources. The stories, and relatablility you've found in my past post.
I appreciate all of it.

10-minute read.

Moscow's favorite archbishop

REPORTER (1in): While the protest leaders attempt to deny the Russian trace, Moscow is not hiding its strong support for Archbishop Bagrat Galstanyan. Famous Russian media manager Aram Gabrelyanov recently wrote that Russian special services' ranking officials, tasked with Armenia-related activities, are impressed by Galstanyan.
What's noteworthy is that last year the same Aram Gabrelyanov wrote about the need to form a new opposition group led by a clergy member, and he even named Archbishop Bagrat Galstanyan as the candidate.
This casts doubt on the spontaneous nature of Galstanyan's involvement in the protests. Gabrelyanov also mentioned a similar situation in Chechnya and that the "Chechen ethnos was saved by Haji Kadyrov". It appears the KGB has not changed its modus operandi.
The famous Kremlin ideologist Alexander Dugin, a known anti-Armenian, declared that the ongoing protests in Armenia and Georgia are polar opposites. In Georgia the protesters are Western agents, while in Armenia it's the patriots, Dugin said.
full video,

Այո, շտապեցինք

QUESTION: Do you have a consensus around a PM's candidate to replace Pashinyan?
ARCHBISHOP: That's something you should ask political parties and experts.
QUESTION: Is there any specific recommendation?
ARCHBISHOP: No.
QUESTION: On May 9 you gave Pashinyan 1 hour and 20 minutes to resign, without having a roadmap?
ARCHBISHOP: We rushed. //
Galstanyan said they are taking a break from the "street movement" but "everything that we have, all the plans, step-by-step you will know about everything. There are people fully dedicated to carrying out various activities."
Galstanyan plans to hold another meeting with political forces soon.
LHK (Edmon Marukyan's party): We held talks with Bagrat srbazan and support his movement and share his concerns regarding the border delimitation. But since the movement has turned political, we made certain proposals on how we envisage the movement's future. We need to know who the PM's candidate is. We will end our support if we see that the former regime is being given an opportunity to return to power. // [Did someone slap Edmundo last night?]
source, source, source,

video of the Kirants house that falls under the Azeri side of the border

Context in Thursday digest. The coordinates of one house with its barn, one trailer-style shop, and one garage were found to be located on the Azeri side. The owners will receive compensation from the government. The residents of the house will move out by July 24 to allow border guards to be stationed in the area.
The owner says this house was built sometime in 1972-1974 and that during the ongoing clarifications of coordinates, the government informed him that the Soviet records contained an error [leading to him receiving a cadastre certificate in independent Armenia]. This house was targeted and burned down by Azeris during the war in 1990s. The resident purchased it in 2005.
In related news. Kirants farmers will regain access to 25 hectares of land that was used as a buffer zone since 1990s.
video, video,

Foreign Minister Mirzoyan during the Session of the Committee of Ministers of the Council of Europe.

MIRZOYAN: This year we celebrate the 75th anniversary of our Organization. The Council of Europe remains one of the most important international organizations in protection of human rights and the rule of law.
As we navigate through challenging times, where the threshold for violation of these basic principles is alarmingly high, it is imperative that we recommit ourselves to the values that have guided this institution.
Unfortunately, that is not the case for all the member states not only in the context of internal democratic institutions but also in their relations with other states. Humanitarian developments have unfolded in the geographic area of the Council of Europe, particularly in South Caucasus.
In September 2023, after 9 months of blockade, the world witnessed the forcible displacement of the indigenous Armenian population of Nagorno-Karabakh as a result of Azerbaijan’s military attack on the region, as documented by the Commissioner for Human Rights after her fact-finding visit in October 2023.
With the help of the international community, the Armenian Government has taken necessary measures to meet the short-term needs of the refugees. Another pressing humanitarian issue remains the issue of the release of all Armenian prisoners of war and civilians illegally detained in Azerbaijan.
Along with this, we should also note the positive developments. In April, Armenia and Azerbaijan finally started the delimitation process based on the 1991 Alma-Ata declaration, which was welcomed by many countries and organizations, including the Secretary General of the Council of Europe.
We believe the Council of Europe should contribute to the democratic security of Europe and uphold the rights of all persons living in its geographical area. //
full,

Azerbaijan plans to settle 1,200 Azerbaijani students to study at Artsakh State University in occupied Stepanakert

The regime is accused of altering buildings and churches in occupied Nagorno-Karabakh to remove all traces of the indigenous Armenian population.
source,

Belarus leader Lukashenko visited occupied Shushi, prompting criticism from opposition leader Tikhanovskaya

Yesterday his big mouth spilled some beans about the preparatory phase of the 2020 war. On Friday the two dictators traveled to various regions of Karabakh, and Shushi, located in occupied Nagorno-Karabakh. Lukashenko wants to have a piece of the construction pie; he wants to build a village for 420 families. He gifted several tractors to Aliyev and an hourlong fellatio, praising Aliyev as the de facto "leader" of the "entire South Caucasus".
Belarus's opposition leader Svetlana Tikhanovskaya criticized Lukashenko: "Ironically, the Belarus dictator once again undermines Armenia, his ally in the CSTO, and flies to assist Azerbaijan in Karabakh. This illustrates the weakness of Russian 'military alliances' and Lukashenka’s own hypocrisy. The criminal regime only cares for its own survival at all costs."
source, source, source, source, video,

parliament leaders of Armenia and Azerbaijan met second time in Geneva under the Inter-Parliamentary Union framework

Alen Simonyan and Sahiba Gafarova Farquaad met on Friday. No details as of writing this. Their first meeting took place in March.
source,

IRS collected 8.5% more taxes in Q1 2024 but didn't meet the goal

Collected: ֏501B (only taxes & duties)
YoY change: +8.5%
Performance rate: 92% (fell short by ֏44B)
ACSES analytical center: They set a high bar in 2023 but today the taxes are not growing as fast; the vehicle resale business isn't as large. If in 2023 the top 1000 taxpayers paid 15% more, this year they paid 2% more. //
Q1 expenses: ֏526B (+24% YoY, -17% from target)
Q1 revenues: ֏525B
Deficit: ֏1B (vs. expected ֏74B)
source,

parliamentary committee greenlights a bill to impose administrative liability for filing an inaccurate tax return

The government suggests that administrative liability be introduced for providing inaccurate data in tax returns, that is, data that is not directly related to calculating taxable income, but is significant for analytics

The bill will oblige taxpayers to provide full and accurate information when filing tax returns and seeks to specify the list of violations subject to inspection by the IRS.
There will be a warning for first-time violators. Failing to provide the correct data within a month will lead to a ֏10,000 ($25) fine and ֏50,000 ($130) for subsequent violations.
source, video,

last month IRS issued ֏251 million in penalties to over 600 companies for evading taxes through cash register receipt machinations

Grocery stores, cosmetics & beauty shops, gas stations, appliance stores, etc.
source,

customs authority raided the Evrika shopping center in Yerevan

It belongs to the Usabov family. Last month alone they received a ֏20 million fine for allegedly violating cash register laws.
source, source,

the Mayor of Yerevan visited Paris where he met a French architect to discuss architectural proposals for the Cascade that recently went under the city's control after decades of neglect

Avinyan visited the office of Wilmotte & Associés Architectes and met with Jean-Michel Wilmotte.
Wilmotte recently traveled to Yerevan to inspect Cascade and the Noragyugh quarter of the city. He presented two potential projects on how to complete the Cascade. Mayor Avinyan will soon present them to the public.
Wilmotte also presented a project seeking to renovate the Noragyugh quarter, located near the center of Yerevan. The project is aimed at solving some of the city’s decades-long issues.
See the Cascade video here: video
TIGRAN AVINYAN: The Cascade project will be presented to the public soon. The second program is the reconstruction of Noragyugh. It will essentially become the "new center" of Yerevan. It's a very large project, an entirely new district with elements borrowed from the Tamanyan style. This is going to be one of the most important projects in Yerevan.
WILMOTTE: It's important to finish the construction of Cascade with simple, modest, but at the same time interesting solutions. We propose building a music hall and a gallery inside the facility. I think this will be a wonderful plan for Yerevan. I will be happy to bring my ideas to Yerevan. The city has a circular shape and it's interesting that Noragyugh will also be circular. It will be a modern district and become a symbol of the capital.
source, source,

Փարիզում Շառլ Ազնավուրին նվիրված հուշատախտակ է բացվել

photo,

Moldovans will hold a referendum in October to decide if they want to join EU

President Sandu singled out Russia and corruption as the biggest threats to the sovereignty of Moldova.
In contrast, the pro-Russian opposition parties want to improve ties with Russia and oppose Sandu's rapid drive for European integration and claim the referendum is an attempt to improve Sandu's chances of winning elections.
source, source,

Armenian parliament's answer to Valentina Matvienko:

"Yes", but we aren't even going to respond to your letter.
story & context,

EBRD assists Armenia to reduce energy dependence on Russia

EBRD: We are working on the development of renewable energy, which is very important in terms of supporting the green agenda. It is also important in terms of increasing energy security and reducing dependence on third countries. We had seen the risks of extreme dependency in Europe. The issue is being discussed with the government of Armenia and the assistance in this direction will continue.
We plan to invest €500 million in Armenia this year, a historic figure, and we hope to maintain this level of investment in the future. Some €640 million have already been invested in Armenia over the past 5 years, half of which in the private sector. //
source,

culture ministers of Armenia and Turkey met in Turkmenistan to discuss the reconstruction of the Ani bridge and the benefits of having cultural cooperation

Part of an international forum by Culture Ministers.
source,

Finance Minister Vahe Hovhannisyan provides details about the EBRD forum that was held in Yerevan this year

REPORTER: This was an international-level meeting with over 3,000 delegates and officials from 74 countries. Why was it held in Yerevan this year?
MINISTER: In 2019 PM Pashinyan met the President of EBRD and suggested holding the forum in Yerevan in 2021. EBRD sent a delegation to assess Armenia's potential to see if we are capable of organizing such a large event. It was approved, but COVID delayed it.
REPORTER: Does organizing it in Armenia bring any benefits?
MINISTER: Of course. It's important to hold as many international forums as possile to place Armenia on the map. The quality of the event organization is also important. Many colleagues told us that this was at an "unprecedented" level and they were pleased that Armenia was able to show that it's a great place for investments and that we are moving forward. The forum was split into two parts: meetings by EBRD officials and ministers to draft plans and hold votes, and meetings with the private sector.
REPORTER: Examples of important events...
MINISTER: Tens of panel discussions and meetings. A very good event was held at the TUMO center attended by the EBRD leader; everyone was very impressed by the students. The EBRD elected a president and worked on its strategy for the coming years. Many panel discussions for digitization, green energy, etc. There were discussions about logistics routes. They highlighted that Crossroads of Peace and Armenia must be part of the regional transport routes. There are active talks around the Middle Corridor that connects Europe to China. Armenia found itself as part of these programs.
REPORTER: There were also publications about North-South's Sisian-Kajaran road and the construction of a new logistics center in Syunik.
MINISTER: This year we launched the construction of part of the southern section of North-South. There is going to be a very big tunnel as well. We involved our important partners: EBRD, ADB, EIB, and the French government. Together we are going to build this 60 km section. A loan agreement was signed with EBRD worth €236 million. Similar agreements will be signed with the other partners for other sections. This is part of the Crossroads of Peace as well. Regarding the construction of a new center in Syunik, it will be for customs and logistics. It will serve the entire cargo traffic, faster and more accessible.
REPORTER: But the EBRD president said they plan to invest €500 million this year. So what about the rest of the funds?
MINISTER: The remaining part will be invested in the form of agreements signed with the private sector, not the government. They will cooperate with private banks and the TUMO center. These loans will help Nagorno-Karabakh refugees, SMEs, etc.
REPORTER: So we will have a relatively cheaper loan portfolio?
MINISTER: Usually yes. The international organizations will ensure liquidity for the banks. It will be possible to provide these resources at a cheaper price to private companies. The loans will be insured. In other words, EBRD guarantees to pay the bank if the business doesn't repay the debt to the bank.
REPORTER: Overall, how will this forum's results affect Armenia's economy?
MINISTER: Holding it in Armenia has greatly improved Armenia's reputation as a place for private investments. Many private investors visited Yerevan and saw how well the events were organized; they were presented with various programs. It's an opportunity to attract new investors and increase demand for bonds issued by Armenia. The President of EBRD informed the whole world that they are investing in Armenia and that others should join as well to take advantage of the opportunity. I expect to see new investors within the next 1-2 years.
REPORTER: Archbishop Galstanyan organized protests right next to this forum, "directed" at this forum. Did this help or harm in any way?
MINISTER: When we learned about their plan to hold the protest nearby, the EBRD leadership and various ministers became concerned for safety. There were even talks about not attending the opening ceremony in the opera building. We had to ask the police to provide additional safety measures. I do not understand why they decided to hold the protest simultaneously with this forum.
REPORTER: Were you ever able to figure out why? [here comes Petros, he is about to start...]
MINISTER: No. If they disagree with certain government decisions perhaps interfering with this forum was not the best way to express it. Harming the organization of this forum is the same as harming Armenia. However, the protest played into our hands because the guests noted the democratic nature of Armenia where everyone has the right to express themselves.
REPORTER: The opposition says there were so many police officers brought there, that it amounted to repressions. Maybe the guests thought Armenia is a "police state"?
MINISTER: No. That morning we met the EBRD secretary who was concerned and didn't know what to do. We reassured them that additional safety measures would be implemented. They thanked us, and I'd like to thank our police officers for preventing problems. Even many guests who gathered at the opera backyard had no idea there were protests not far away.
source,

Robots are already replacing Internet users by creating virtual reality for them. Virtual reality allows users to interact with computers and other devices without physical contact .It is quite possible that soon the "Internet" will be replaced by a personal advertising application with fake fans of the brands "X in a circle" entering into discussions with the same neurofan of the "triangle of letters"
The Dead Internet theory is an online conspiracy theory that claims that the modern internet consists mainly of bot activity and automatically generated content driven by algorithmic curation.
Targeted advertising is a way to display ads on social networks tailored to the interests and demographics of the audience. It allows you to interact with customers, inform them about products, increase brand awareness and attract attention to promotions and discounts. Targeted advertising can be used for direct sales, warming up the audience and increasing customer loyalty.
A digital bubble is a phenomenon in which websites determine what information a user wants to see based on their location, past activities, and preferences. As a result, websites show only information that is consistent with the user's past points of view, and he becomes intellectually isolated in his information bubble.
It's great, of course, if I can get Megacorporation bots with my stories about the fucking Dishonord, but it's sad that we'll never get together with them...

I have reported the freezing pipes issue under my second year Tarion form. Builder reached out asking me to cancel Tarion reconciliation and they will issue a signed letter that will warrant frozen pipes issue until next winter (April 1 2025). Builder is saying since we are in summer and pipes are not currently frozen, they are not able to trace the issue/do repairs. Builder also said Tarion reconciliation will come to the same conclusion.
Please let me know what would you guys do in this situation i.e. continue with Tarion reconciliation or take the builder's warranty. My concern is that if we get another warm winter like 2024 then I'm out of warranty for the future.

Nicholas Mattison bumped his shoulder as he stretched his arms over his head, pulled back the soft pink curtain that draped over his bed like a canopy, and rubbed the sleep out of his green eyes as his bare feet met the plush carpeting of his bedroom.
If Nicholas was any more alert than his still-sleepy, bedheaded current self, he might have astutely recognized that the bed was a little too small for his lanky frame, or recalled that the bed in his freshman dorm definitely didn't have lacy, rose-hued canopy curtains.
The unlikely array of unfamiliar accoutrements in Nicholas' room only properly crystallized once he squinted and pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose, glancing around a space that resolutely wasn't his. Gone were the haphazard textbooks splayed across his desk, the guitar that had been propped against the mirror hanging on his closet door, and the laundry basket he promised himself he'd get to on Saturday morning, first thing.
Instead, Nicholas' field of view was met with walls painted a garish shade of bubblegum pink, a neat row of posters advertising pop stars he'd never heard of before, and an ornate door with a sign that read "Nick's Room" in bubble-letter script.
With a surge of panic, he pulled open the closet door, biting his lower lip with a brow-furrowing frown when he saw a walk-in selection of elegant ball gowns and starchy-frilled ballerina tutus.
Where WAS he?
**
Hello! Thanks for reading a silly prompt. I wanted to leave it mysterious so we can fill in some blanks together, but the gist of the prompt is this: Our protagonist discovers that, one way or another, he's found himself living in (read: trapped) a dollhouse. Like the post's title says, a daring escape ensues!
And that brings us to your character: Who is she? A fellow college student who found herself plucked from her normal life and brought to the dollhouse? Is she a brought-to-life doll who already lives there? Is she the supervillainess/mad scientist/crazy gal who owns the dollhouse and is gleeful to have a new plaything in Nicholas? It's your call!
If you're interested, please send a message my way! I ask that you be at least 20 as well, with a knack for descriptive, detailed posts that are at least 200 words or so long. (I break Discord's character limit like it's my job, so there's no shame there!) Let me know what you think of the idea, any concepts you might have, and who you may write as a character opposite Nicholas. See you in the dollhouse soon!

Chapter 26 - The Infinite Beckons
Previous Chapter
“Okay, this part’s a little tricky.” Ma’et gestured out the shuttle’s cockpit. “You got lined up easy enough, and our velocity’s at a relative zero to the ship. The bay door’s open. Now you engage the lateral thrusters while monitoring the distance from the shuttle to the bay’s interior wall. Come in too fast and you’ll damage them both..”
Trix looked over at the controls, and the neatly gummed labels that the humans had placed over the English text with her own language. She gingerly pressed the ‘Lateral Thruster’ button, then as the control knob next to it lit up, she twisted it slowly.
An earlier misadventure when lining up the ship and the shuttle where she’d twisted the control knob much more rapidly made her much more cautious about giving it too much power too quickly, yet the shuttle slowly drifted - away from the ship. “Other thruster, feathers.”
Chagrined, she dialed the thruster back to zero, then rotated it the other direction. The ship immediately stopped moving away, and instead drifted into the hangar bay. Trix watched as it drifted past the door, staring at the distance readout until it dropped into the yellow and immediately swung the knob the other way. It took a couple of tries to get the velocity back to zero, but she managed it.
“Beautiful. Now we engage the grav plating which lets the ship’s internal grav pull us down as it ramps up, and close the external door via the console over there.” Ma’et gestured to the remote console, and Trix scanned it, punching the buttons as she found them.
“Nicely done. Go ahead and hit the engine shutdown. In the old days there’d be like, thirty steps to it but nearly all of it is automated. But lucky you, you get to read all about the manual sequence since taking over in the event of computer failure is one of a pilot’s duties.” Ma’et chuckled and squeezed Trix’s shoulder. “For now, that’s good enough. Go ahead and open both the lateral boarding door, and the rear loading door. Also extend the rear loading ramp.”
Trix did, then glanced over at Ma’et. “Anything more?”
“Nope. First day on the job, and you’ve done the first job successfully. Not perfectly, but pretty damn good for your first time piloting off planet. Go ahead and head back to talk with the Captain, and I’ll handle the rest.”
Trix unbuckled the acceleration harness (Though, she felt zero acceleration during the entire trip so she couldn’t fathom just WHY Ma’et had insisted on her buckling in) and moved past the much smaller woman as she left the cockpit.
In the back, Josh was already outside the ship, grabbing a handtruck. She watched as he pushed it up the loading ramp to the stack of boxes that contained the food and equipment she’d need for the next few weeks of existence here in space. “Why aren’t you using one of the gravity belts?” She gestured over to the wall where the belts were hanging.
“Eh, this stuff’s fairly light and those have a limited lifespan. I don’t want to burn out the Keplite cores on stuff we can just move by hand. They’re expensive.”
“Oh. What’s Keplite, anyway? Ji and Min have mentioned it a few times.” Trix glanced over at the large belts with their big circular pads in the middle.
Before Josh could answer, Alex walked in between them. “Ji, Min! We’re going to be converting the room across from yours back into crew quarters for Trix. Gonna need you two to move the Spider. Is there room here in the hangar for it?”
“It’ll fit better if we assemble it and use packing mode.” Ji countered, as he hopped out of the shuttle. “It’ll take a day or so. We’ve got it spread all out in there.”
Alex turned over to Trix and beckoned. “Follow me. Gonna give you the full tour while they’re unloading." He took a few steps back, then lifted his arms wide to gesture to their surroundings. "This is obviously the hangar bay. Shuttle's the big thing you were just flying. Below us is a small cargo hold, empty right now. Not gonna show you unless you happen to like large empty boring-ass boxes.” He raised an eyebrow, and Trix quickly shook her head. "Alright. Most of the shit in here is just maintenance tools and loading gear. Nothing exciting. Ramp to main transit corridor here."
They walked out into the hallway. “Okay, well through that door’s opposite the hangar is the fabber bay. The fabber is a huge machine that manufactures stuff for us, like a 3D printer. Do you guys have anything like that?” Trix shrugged, and Alex continued. “Well either way, it can make virtually anything from a bed to a bomb to a computer. The more complex and difficult items take a hell of a lot longer to make. It’s also a major power hog since the manufacturing process uses extremely powerful fields, both magnetic and force. In other words, if you need something and we didn’t bring it with you we can make it here.”
He walked down the hall a bit, and gestured to the doors on either side. “Launcher bays, 1 and 2. Normally we use ‘em to launch beacons, buoys, sensors, things like that into space. If someone tries to start shit with us we CAN use them to launch missiles but we have very few of those available. We’re not out here to get in fights, but if we have to defend ourselves we pack a big punch.” He opened one of the doors and walked inside. “The big hatch over there is the manual tube loader. The ship can auto-load various things but if we need to put something into space that isn’t already in storage, that’s where we do it. If Ji tells you to climb in yourself, he’s joking and you should hit him because it only exists to launch shit into space.”
Trix laughed at that, but she had learned enough of Ji’s sense of humor while working on the car to understand the sentiment. “Will I even be in here at all though?”
“Maybe. If something needs to be manually loaded, we use these. Back when we were at the derelict ship I had to send a battery over to help out while we planned our rescue. You might be asked to do the same.” Alex shrugged and lead her out into the hall. “Last thing here is the ship’s primary armament.” He reached over to the side of the hallway and pressed a hatch release. The compartment it lead to was incredibly small and tightly cramped.
“We don’t use it much outside of scaring off pirates or relieving stress, but this is our primary weapon out in space. Eight-chamber five meter long rotary railgun. Fires one round every 1.2 seconds that travel roughly a million kilometers per hour when fired stationary, or closer to 280 kilometers per second. It fires either solid armor-piercing unguided slugs or flak munitions that are used to produce clouds of metallic debris. The former will shred a ship’s armor and pulverize anything inside. The latter can overwhelm particle shields and damage exterior components without nearly as much penetration. The reason I’m saying all this to you,” He tapped the top of the cannon where it joined to the ship. “This thing’s got a super limited firing arc. Meaning that we can only shoot what we’re pointed at. If, by some miracle, we get into a fight out there then our ability to shoot back is gonna depend on your ability to fly the ship while facing the enemy.”
Trix swallowed heavily as she tried to imagine just how powerful this massive cannon was. She glanced over at the side of it, to the twin belts that fed in ammo. Each round it would fire was longer than her forearm and thicker than her waist.
“That’s the worst case scenario though. In reality, if we get into any shit out there, fighting is the LAST thing we want to do. Negotiation to avoid hostility first, escape second, fight last.” Alex shooed her out of the compartment. “That said if we encounter any low-yield junk out there then we’ll get some target practice in. If you’re game then we can let you try targeting for a bit and unload some kinetic mayhem while things are dull.” He grinned wickedly, as he manually pulled the hatch back into place, sliding two large locking levers into place.
“Okay, that’s it for this deck. There’s stairs on the far side leading up to the tech deck but the ladder here’s quicker.”
They climbed up the ladder, with Alex leading and Trix following. Her wings banged against the ceiling as she climbed, and it took her a few moments to get them tucked in tight enough to get through the hatch but with Alex’s help they got up there.
“Tech deck. Mostly. In the front of the ship here right under Bridge access is the exception, the pool room.” He opened the door and they walked in together. “Mainly used for observation but the pool there is great for relaxation. You can adjust the temperature with the controls on the wall there, goes from chilly to full on hot tub. Adjustable depth from 3 to 10 feet, and the pool walls are display panels. If you use a breather it’s fun to turn the display to external then go down underwater and relax while staring at the stars. Do you swim much?”
Trix nodded. “Sure, there’s a river a… couple kilometers? I think? I’m not good with converting distances yet. Anyway, it’s near the hab and we’d go there when I was younger and didn’t have as much to do in the fields.”
“Cool. Well, feel free to use it but just a word of warning you might want to check if anyone’s in first. Swimwear is optional and since the crew is a pretty tight family we don’t usually get embarrassed if we’re seen swimming in the buff.” Alex waved over at the control console. “If you’re not sure the big green button on the outside is the comm button, just ask if anyone’s using it.”
“Ji brought me in here when we came up to do the medical scans. He showed me Kiveyt from orbit for the first time. Do all human ships have a room like this?” Trix reached over to dip her hand into the water. It was quite warm to the touch.
“Nah. This ship wasn’t originally designed as a scout ship or survey ship. It was originally a yacht. Big luxury vehicle for rich people to fly around in space and have fun in. Throw parties. Most of the ridiculous amenities it has I got rid of ages ago, but that left a huge amount of space we filled up with all the launchers and sensors and whatnot. I kept the pool though because I love soaking after a long day.” He pressed the door control and they left the pool room.
“Just past the pool room on either side of the ship we have collection dishes for D-space particles. Those are EVA only, so you won’t be dealing with those. They let us collect extremely powerful particles which lead back here.” Alex spoke as he walked, and turned the corner into a much, much larger room.
“This is the ship’s main power supply. Charged particles enter the torus reactor and discharge energy which is converted into electrical power and routed through the ship. Those bottles over there…” He gestured to four massive grey metal canisters on the wall. “Contain the actual particles. They’re made of the strongest materials we have because if one ruptured, the ship would instantly explode from the inside out. Don’t worry,” Alex quickly raised his hands. “The chances of that happening are virtually impossible. This is the single most well-protected location on the ship.”
He gestured to the other side of the large room. “Over there’s the terminals that Min is usually at. She and Ji are in charge of all engineering. That means power, propulsion, all computer systems, and the like. Well, the physical parts of them that is. Ma’et is our computer geek when it comes to integration, programming, and all the fun software shit.”
Alex left the room, and gestured to the other side. “I’m sure you’re familiar with medical over there. Let’s do us both a favor and not have to go there much. Otherwise I’m pretty sure Kyshe will gut me.” He didn’t stop to show her inside, and they reached the main staircase. “The back half of the ship on this deck is all propulsion access and maintenance. I’m more or less our damage control guy, along with Ji and Min. For them it’s because they’re smart as shit and for me it’s because I had to learn how to maintain my own ship. Most common damage out here is stray micro meteors or debris while we’re parked and the particle shields are down. Sometimes worn out components inside. Again, no EVA for you so the only thing you’ll need to worry about for DC is being an assistant to one of us while we fix shit.”
They went up the stairwell to the uppermost of the three floors. “There used to be an observation bubble above us, but I had it removed because it was useless. Even if I covered it with ablative plating it was a massive wart on top of the ship that served zero practical purpose. Anyway, the top floor here is where you’ll spend 90% of your time on the ship. Back here…” Alex started walking to the rear of the ship, and walked through a large open doorway. “Mess hall. We generally have two kinds of meals here - when we’re on long deployment, the food extruder over there can produce rations. They’re not amazing but they’re quick both to make and eat. It’ll also make reasonable meat and dairy substitutes. If you want a real meal though we usually keep the good stuff in deep freeze so it takes a fair amount of time to be ready. Other than that the bev dispenser is over there. Water and various juices on tap all the time, alcohol is restricted only to meals only. We all get together for breakfast and dinner though, since it’s just a good way to socialize. Tonight expect a big meal in celebration.”
He walked out of the mess, and opened a door to a large open area. “Rec room. Not used a whole lot because most of us use haptic suits for exercise and recreation but we don’t have a suit that’ll fit you or your wings, so I want you to be in here twice a week at least. Ma’et is a great partner for any exercise that doesn’t involve fighting, unless you like bruises in which case she’ll happily go a few rounds with gloves on. Pilots don’t get the level of exercise you’re used to on the planet working fields so exercise up here will be pretty damn vital.”
She looked around the room, then hurried to catch up to the captain as he walked out. “On the other side of the hall from the Mess is general storage. Cleaning supplies, a small laundry unit if the one in your room quits working, random odds and ends. Also a few extra bunks just in case we need them. Unfortunately I am going to have to have you spend one night in here while we get your room cleaned up and ready for you.” He walked in, and over to one of the walls. “Bunk folds down from here. Looks, uh…” He glanced at the fold-down bed and back at Trix. “Looks tight. Do me a favor and see if you’re gonna be OK there?”
It was very close, but Trix laid down on the sleeping pad and adjusted until she found a good comfortable spot. “For just one night, this will do…”
“Alright, no worries then. We’ll have your room ready quick as we can.” She got off the pad and Alex gestured for her to follow. “Quarters themselves are here, 4 on either side of the main hallway. Myself, Josh, Ma’et, and Amanda on the right in that order. Ji, Min, Your quarters, and the last was converted into a mechanical room for Par. Speaking of…”
He walked into the last room and knocked on a large hatch. “Par, would it be alright if I introduced our newest shipmate?”
“Of course, Captain.” The hatch slid silently open revealing a large, intricate array. Circuit boards were laid out in rows and wires ran between them in perfectly neat, ordered channels. In the center of it all was a large oblong egg-looking object. “Trix, may I present to you Parathanelias Sigma-822.”
Several rows of lights lit up along the side of the egg, and the pleasant musical voice she’d heard so often came from a small speaker alongside it. “It is a pleasure to meet you in person, Trksehnoarala.”
Trix stared at the open hatch then gestured behind her. “I thought you were in those floating metal balls…?”
“The spheres you mention are my remotes. None of them are large enough to house my primary systems. In a way, they are my eyes, ears, and limbs. My true nature is integration here within the ship itself, and I make up for my limited mobility in person by having the greatest mobility of any other member of the crew.”
“He also has an avatar in VR of an organic human, but most of the time he uses the floating spheres to interact with us and the rest of the world. His core,” Alex gestured to the egg-like central object, “houses his base personality and his most important memories. The rest of this is extra storage for less critical information. I’m a bit jealous because his most important memories will always be preserved forever in perfect clarity. The rest of us get to have our memories fade with time, but his will be eternal.”
Alex stood there mutely for a moment then shook his head. “Anyway. Back to the tour. Thanks Par!”
“My pleasure.” The hatch slid silently shut and Alex and Trix left the room. “This room has been empty for long enough I pretty much gave it over to Ji and Min for a long while.” Alex walked into the room next to Par’s. “It’s kind of a mess but we’re going to get it cleaned up then it’ll be yours.”
There was no bed in the room, and the tables against the walls were covered with electronics and quickboards. In the center of the room, a huge metal contraption was spread out. Eight large jointed legs were wired in to a big central circular turret. Above that, a multitude of ‘limbs’ extended out - one a large grasper with clawed metal fingers, another ending with an odd cone-shaped implement with a blackened tip. A third was a huge metal pipe jutting out, and a fourth looked to be a number of small openings to place something into.
Trix gestured to it, “What is THAT thing?”
“That’s the Spider. It’s a long-time project the Twins have been working on. Pretty much since they joined the crew, really. It was meant to be a mechanical walker for the military but… well, that’s their story to tell.” Alex snorted. “There’s going to be enough time to go into the details later. Point is, before we even start leaving the system we’re gonna move this out, get a full king sized bed in here for you, some more storage, and so on. That door,” He gestured to a door on the other side of the room, “Leads to a hygiene unit. Full on shower, no bath but if you want to soak the Pool’s down a floor. Aside from no tub it has a deluxe toilet, sink, and a small cleaning unit for clothes.”
Trix cautiously stepped around the large disassembled robot, and opened the door to peer inside. The hygiene unit was much larger than she’d expected, and she was grateful to see that most of the facilities was familiar to her.
“Okay, one last stop and it’s the most important.” Alex walked out into the hallway and Trix rushed to catch up, almost tripping as she hopped over a piece of scrap cable along the floor. “I’m sure this will become your second home on the ship real fast. The bridge.”
They walked down the hall through a small access corridor into a large, wide open space. A large chair sat in the center with a number of controls and articulating arms present on the back. In front of it, a number of control panels were arranged in rows. The front of the bridge and both sides were dominated by massive window screens that showed the area the ship was currently facing. She could see one screen to the side with a display showing Kiveyt, first as a small dot with a zoomed-in and blown up image next to it.
“The door back there in the corner leads to a briefing room, nothing special there but a table and chairs. The big chair in the middle is mine, but if you ask super nicely I’ll let you sit in it.” Alex grinned, and pointed at the console in the very center of the bridge, in front of the Captain’s chair. “But that station over there is primary navigation. Josh is there quite a lot of the time, though just as often I navigate from the Captain’s Chair or Ma’et controls the ship from her neural interface. As of now, though, I bequeath ownership of it unto you - for the next few weeks, at least.”
Trix walked around the bridge staring at everything. The control consoles were smooth, rounded and sleek in their presentation. Each one had a large keyboard in front covered with the strange runes of the Humans’ language. Various other instruments and implements were present at each station, but at hers she smiled gratefully to see that the keys had already changed and had more familiar and recognizable letters in place of the Humans odd script. The layout was definitely weird, and she knew it was going to take time and effort to grow accustomed but at the very least she would be able to understand what she was doing as she learned. Even better, the seat lacked the same high back that the other seats had, which would have been pressed tightly and uncomfortably against her wings.
She glanced back at Alex, who just nodded at her. Encouraged, she took a seat and glanced around. “This is mine.” She whispered it and then let her wings spread out with pleasure as she realized that from here, from this station, she would be the one personally controlling the entire massive vehicle behind her. It lacked the flight stick of the shuttle or the handle controls of her aircar, and in a way she felt disappointed she wouldn’t be able to manually control the ship the same way she could the smaller vehicles. But as she looked around her and rested her hands on the cool surface of the console, she felt something else. A thrill of anticipation at the thought of being the one in control of this massive ship and everyone inside of it.
Alex climbed several steps up to the captain’s chair on its elevated dais, and took a seat directly behind her. The sight of a winged alien in front of him at the nav console with the stars stretching out above and beyond her was a strange one, but a pleasant one. He tried to think of a witty quip to finish the tour with, but failing that he settled for a much simpler one instead.
“Welcome aboard, Pilot.”
—--
“Okay, before we get started, I believe that this is a special occasion warranting a toast.” Alex sat at the head of the large table at the mess, with the other six organic members of the crew assembled further down. “To our new pilot trainee!”
“Here Here!” “To Trix!” “To our Trainee!”
Alex took a sip of his whisky, and sighed in pleasure. “God that hits the spot. Okay everyone, dig in.”
The dinner was an odd affair, mostly because every single member was wearing their visor. Trix could not speak English, and the crew couldn’t speak her native tongue. Masks which would automatically translate couldn’t be worn during a meal so the solution was to have real-time speech to text appearing on everyone’s visor. Trix, who never had worn a visor before, had a difficult time getting the display to appear just right in front of her eyes but she and Par had gotten it dialed in.
Trix glanced at the array of food in front of her. Some items looked familiar, others completely foreign, and none of it smelled quite right. She gestured to the food. “None of this is from Kiveyt. Is it safe for me to eat it?”
“I went through our entire comestible database while we were on the planet. Surprisingly there’s almost no Terran food you can’t eat.” Josh had a massive burrito nearly as long as Ma’et’s arm on the plate in front of him, and he spoke while dabbing hot sauce over it. “All of our Macronutrients are completely interchangeable. Most Micronutrients are as well. There’s a few exotic vitamins and amino acids that you need that we can’t provide, but we have supplements from the planet that’ll handle those.”
“Oh.” Trix glanced around at the table, trying to decide what to eat. The spread was, per Alex’s suggestion, extremely large and quite diverse. “I’m not sure where to start then.”
Min picked up a large platter with a circular dish on it. “Far as I’m concerned the best place to start is with Pizza. It’s one of the most widely loved foods throughout Terran space.” She dumped a slice onto the plate in front of Trix, while Ji slid a very tall glass of water over to her, alongside an odd reddish looking beverage.
“Give the fruit punch a try too. It’s much more sweet than the juice you were serving down on the planet. A lot more mild too.” He suggested, and gestured to another plate. “Also? Tacos are never a bad choice.”
Trix reached out and picked up one of the odd, semi-circular items. Ji grabbed one as well, and bit into it with gusto. Trix mimicked the motion, crunching into the hard shell. It was quite interesting, tasteless at first as she bit into the shell and the lettuce, but then the spiced meat hit her tongue. It was quite mild but not unpleasant. She chewed on it and gulped down a mouthful. “Not bad.” She took another bite.
The taco vanished quickly, and she glanced down at the slice of Pizza next. “Like this, Trix.” Min gestured to pick it up by the crust, putting her fingers in front of it to prevent it from flopping down. Trix followed Min’s example, and took a huge bite. This one was even milder, almost disappointingly so. “Not much flavor to this one. Is all your food really light like this?”
The humans glanced around at that. “Y’know, Sophie mentioned our rations were tasteless. They have a pretty strong cinnamon taste to ‘em.” Alex sat back thoughtfully as he nursed the glass of whisky in his hand. “The food we had down on the planet was all pretty strong flavors…”
Josh handed the bottle of hot sauce in his hand over to Trix. “Try a dab of this. It adds a kick to some foods.”
Trix took the bottle, and put a few drops of it on the slice of pizza in front of her. She took another bite, and her eyes lit up. The next few bites all had more hot sauce each, and the crust itself ended up practically drenched in it. “Thanks, Josh. That was delicious.”
The rest of the crew was staring at her and she shrunk back slightly at their intense scrutiny. Had she done something wrong? She hadn’t ever offended them during any meals back on the planet, so the sudden shift in attention was jarring and quite uncomfortable.
Ji whistled at the sight of the alien hungrily wofling down the slice of pizza covered in bright spicy sauce. “Here, try some of that on a taco next!” He picked up another shell and offered it to her.
Trix reached out and took the taco, this time pouring a hefty amount of sauce on it. Eating this one was much messier, and she could feel the hot sauce dribbling down the side of her mouth as she took a huge bite. Min handed her a paper towel, and she embarrassedly wiped away the errant food. “Thanks, Min. That was great too, Ji.”
“Hold up.” Alex stood up and walked over to one of the cupboards, pulling out another bottle of sauce. “I’m curious now. This is a lot hotter than the sauce you’ve been trying thus far. See if it’s to your liking. Just, start with a very small amount. A little goes a LONG way.” He walked back to the table, placing the bottle next to Trix. She studied it briefly, mostly the logo - a caricature of a human whose head appeared to be on fire.
“Um, Okay. Should I try it with the Pizza or the Taco?” She glanced between the two dishes she’d already tried. “Either one. Whichever you prefer.” was Alex’s reply.
Trix reached out and grabbed a third Taco, opening up the bottle. Immediately she could smell the fragrant sauce within, and she carefully poured a small amount into the shell. She cautiously took a bite and chewed thoughtfully.
“Too hot?” Alex suggested, but she shook her head. “No. Just…” She poured more sauce on the taco, and ate the rest in only a few bites. “Whew. Sorry, Captain Alexander. That was incredible! I’ve never tasted anything like it before.”
“Captain Alexander just sounds weird. Call me Alex or Al. Or ‘Captain’ if you really, really need to use my rank for whatever reason.” Alex sat down, and chuckled. “But that’s interesting. Very, very interesting. That sauce there?” He gestured towards the bottle. “It’s made with a chemical called ‘Capsaicin’. To humans it’s a powerful spice. Too much of it causes a painful burning sensation that lingers. We normally dilute it to make it more palatable and less painful.”
Trix glanced at the bottle. “I guess that explains the fire on the little picture here.” She grabbed another slice of the pizza, and drizzled the sauce on top.
“Three tacos and two slices of pizza?” Ma’et was impressed as she saw how much food the Avian was packing away.
“The disadvantage of those muscular bodies.” Josh waved his hand towards Trix. “They require all the calories that a Human does and more. Back on the planet I learned their species used to be a lot smaller, but after developing animal husbandry and reliable sources of higher calorie foods they bulked up pretty quick.”
Trix, for her part, slicked off the second slice of pizza with gusto. She grabbed a fourth taco, and liberally poured the spicy sauce all over, before wolfing that down as well. She grabbed the fruit juice that Ji had offered her… the ‘punch’? And downed it almost as quickly.
“I hope after all this is over, we can buy some more of that sauce. I definitely want the others back at home to try it.” She licked her lips, and sighed with contentment. “This juice too. I like how sweet it is.”
“Birds are immune to Capsaicin.” Josh murmured softly, but it was picked up by the visor and translated perfectly. “I wonder what the chances are that space-birds would be too?”
—--
“Slide the jack under that joint there.” Trix did as instructed, wheeling the small hydraulic device under the ‘spider’s’ massive leg. “Great. Just gotta line up the leg with where the servos join in…” Ji and Min lifted the leg and immediately began connecting up cables and lines. After all the connections were made, Ji braced himself against the wall and shoved - hard - against the leg, firmly connecting the mechanical rotary joint into place.
“Okay, testing.” Min walked over to the console and began punching in codes. Like the other six limbs before it, this one shook slightly then began to flex, twist, and move around. “Range of motion is nominal. Motors are all showing peak. Locking joints and anchor bolt systems are green.”
Ji wiped off some sweat from his forehead, and leaned back against the wall. “I knew it was a mistake to work on it up here. At least if we put it in the hangar we could have lowered the gravity.”
“It would have been in the way during the rescue op, and we had enough shit going on then we didn’t need to add ‘reassemble a multi-ton walking modular platform’ to the list.” Min gestured with her head, not even glancing over at her brother. “Man up. Trix hasn’t even broken a sweat.”
“I don’t sweat.” Trix mumbled, as she stared at the massive machine. “This thing is crazy. Puts my car to shame.”
“Yeah, our pride and joy. Together we’ve spent decades refining it.” Min glanced over at Trix with a broad smile. “The modular bay on top has been my focus, while Ji’s been adjusting and perfecting the leg and motion systems.”
“What’s it for?”
“Well, right now it’s kind of in between intended uses.” Ji walked over to a large shelf and gestured to the assorted objects there. “With our original plans it was going to have a bunch of swappable options. Right now, it has short and long range assault armaments and a plasma cutter for breaching sealed doors. A basic military drone capable of adapting to all kinds of situations.”
Trix stared at the array of weapons in front of her. “So this is what the human military uses to fight with?”
“Nah.” Min set down the quickboard and walked over to the huge machine. “We envisioned it as a multi-purpose response unit. Capable of dropping in from outside the atmosphere an landing anywhere, going anywhere. Dealing with any situation that could possibly arise. It’s an all-terrain support mech and its modular nature would have made it able to respond to nearly any situation. And it was rejected by the military.”
“What? Why?”
Ji held up a hand and ticked off his fingers. “One, it’s more expensive to drop one of these than a squad of soldiers. Nevermind the fact that it can do 10 people’s worth of work without putting even a single person in danger. Two, it’s too big to be fired out of normal launchers. Adding new launchers to ships would have been a significant amount of work and cost that the navy wasn’t willing to foot the bill. Three, we didn’t have any money after developing it. Meaning we couldn’t bribe anyone in the government into pressuring the military to work with us.”
“Four, they already have hover tanks and artillery and we couldn’t convince them that our system was superior to those.” Min sighed, and threw herself into a chair.
“Hovering is cheating though.” Ji glared at his sister.
“Cheating? What?” Trix just looked bewildered at this.
“Hovering isn’t all-terrain. Hovering is NO terrain.”
“Oh.” Trix took a seat in a nearby chair herself. “So did the captain buy this then?”
“Nope. See, we were finishing up Uni and started developing the Spider, but we didn’t really have the money to actually MAKE one. We had all the plans and all the research on our side but not the raw materials or the money to get those raw materials.” Ji pulled out a stick of gum and popped it in his mouth. “At first we tried going straight to the military which was a huge mistake, they just made a million excuses and told us to get lost. Then we tried approaching some weapon dev companies for funding. They basically told us they’d fund it in exchange for all the rights to production and we’d get whatever they felt was fair. Which when we pressed on a figure, wasn’t much.”
Trix glanced over at the massive mech. “But it got made, obviously.”
“Yup. When we weren’t sure what to do, a buddy of ours mentioned that Al was looking for an engineering team. We can do starship engineering.” Min grabbed the quickboard and extended one of the spider’s legs towards her, so she could kick her feet up on it. “Matter of fact, this ship’s a thing of beauty. Al is a complete doofus but he takes fantastic care of the ship. When we came on we gave him a list of everything that should change. He sat down with us, went over it point by point, and even though it ended up costing over half a million credits he gave us full authorization to make every single change we suggested.”
“So after we did a stint working as engineers we joined up as crew.” Ji had an odd smile on his face. “Since then, we’ve put the money we made from working here towards building this thing. We actually had it completed but then I had this idea of using an array of microservo actuators instead of a larger servo to give us a lot more fine control over the joints. That didn’t work, like, at all but when we used a combination of them we managed to find just the right ratio that gives us twice the amount of precision in each joint, which lets us use the-”
“ANYWAY.” Min interrupted her Brother before he could get too deep into the weeds. “We had it built, with the original armaments we envisioned, but Al suggested making a module for mining and sampling. We brought it in here in order to disassemble it to make the servo adjustments and while we were at it we were going to be replacing the actual weapons with a mining beam, core sample collector, and an array of sensors. Now though we’re going to put it in storage for a while. We got much more important things to take care of now.”
“Oh.” Trix had begun to tune Ji out when he launched into his diatribe. “But what do you mean joined up as crew? You were already crew, weren’t you?”
Min swung her foot down, and gestured to the ship. “It’s different. There’s employees… and then there’s crew. Right now you’re an employee. You’re working with us, you’re out here, but your home’s back with your Teff. Right?”
Trix nodded.
“Well, when you’re crew… this is your home. We’re all family out here. I don’t know as much about the whole Teff thing but I think it’s sort of similar. This ship’s our home, the crew is our family. Alex may be a childish idiot but he’s loyal to his crew like nothing else.” Min stood up and walked over to put her hand on her brother’s shoulder. “When we worked here and started to see how well he treats his people, we felt like we could really belong here. He asked if we’d like to join up, so we did. Best decision we ever made.”
“Yup. He treats the crew as well as he treats the ship.” Ji gestured around him. “Working for him paid well. Working as crew, we don’t get paid regularly but we get a cut out of every mission and that cut is HUGE. That’s how we could afford to actually build the spider in the first place.”
“Ah. So if he invited me along, does that mean he wants me to join the crew too?” Trix wasn’t sure how she felt about that. Joining another family was commonplace for males who left their Teff to join others, but incredibly rare for females.
“Dunno. He’s hired on specialists in the past who’ve come and gone. And he’s invited people to join up who said no and that was that.” Ji shrugged and pressed the release on the hydraulic press, letting it collapse down. “C’mon, we should get the last leg attached. Then we can pack it up and use a grav collar to move it down to the hangar. Don’t want to make you stay in that cramped storage room again tonight.”
“Yeah, I tried to stretch my wings in the morning and I banged up against one of the shelves. Really not looking forward to that again.” Trix grumbled at the memory, and stood up. “Okay, what more do we need done to get this over with?”
—--

Standing in front of an abandoned buffet style restaurant, Lord Actorn shifted uncomfortably next to me with his ruby rifle. Blood bullets hung around his belt, his request for it only being two of us throwing me off. Glancing over at him, the next demon’s energy swallowed the area in unnatural darkness. Perhaps today would be easy. Then again, my luck would never allow such a luxury.
“Not that I have a problem with today but why did you want it to be the two of us?” I queried with a curious grin, wondering what sin he represented. “Unless you have something that is bothering you.” Sniffing the air, the sweet smell of gluttony had a bit of dread hardening in my stomach. Actorn’s presence made sense, another secret resting on his tongue.
“Nothing but an old rivalry that I wish to settle. I am a stickler for ending the fights I begin.” He answered nonchalantly, my brow raising at how casual he spoke. “What is wrong with wanting to spend some time with an old friend?” Plucking my blade from its case, ice crept out a bit from underneath my boots. Was his mate with a little bat? Shrugging my shoulders, that was his news to share. Smoothing out his simple onyx suit, his crooked grin had me smiling to myself. Kicking the door open, a barrage of eighties decor had me scrunching up my nose. Candles burned on the counter, a rat scurrying past me had me leaping into the air. Landing clumsily, embarrassment painted my cheeks. Scanning the space for any sign of our target, a greasy bright orange curl floated to my boot. So we were looking for a redhead.
“Are you delivering the final blow?” I whispered for him and only him to hear. His sadistic grin spoke of what he desired, the final blow becoming his. Accepting my role as the distraction, his revenge would be served for him on a silver platter. Getting lost in thought, a smack to the back of my head had me hissing in his direction. Dragging me into a booth, his hand held my head down. Hiding in the shadows, a gaunt demon walked into the view, the lights flickering on. Inky eyes scanned the space, Actorn covering my mouth. What had him on edge?
“In the case that death claims me, I need you to know this.” He whispered with a big old grin, the anticipation killing me. “She is carrying a little bat and I have to make this world safe for my family. Will you help me with that?” Mouthing congratulations, pride glistened in his eyes. Focusing on the greasy curls, her mark glowed bright. Fussing with his loose gray suit, his eyes checked his watch. Chewing on his bottom lip, the door creaked open. Arvy stepped into view, her clawed fingers drumming against her legs. Actorn held me back the moment she ripped out his heart, her bloody hand dropping his heart down her throat. Watching him decay to ash, her eyes flitted around the room. Sniffing the air, a devilish grin curled on her lips. Something smelled different about her scent, concern flashing in my eyes for a hot second.
“Come on out, Nyx!” She sang sweetly, the level of sweetness sickening me. “I know that you are here. He had to go because that poor guy was going to side with you. We couldn’t have that now, could we?” Dragging her blade along the metal buffet table, the locks on every window and door clicking had chills running up my spine. Our way out was gone, blasts of energy shooting booths into the air. Crawling on the floor, Actorn urged me to move faster. Popping to our feet in the corner, her blade whistled in my direction. Smashing the nearest window, Actorn’s protests fell on deaf ears the moment I threw him through the broken window. The glass repaired itself, his fist banged on the window. Throwing my hand in the air, there was no way this battle would be safe for him. His injuries would hinder what I wanted to investigate, anger mixing with bewilderment in his eyes.
“Get Salem to bring some potions for me. That is my order!” I shouted through the glass, the hem of his coat floating up as blood ribbons whisked him away. Spinning on my heel to give my full attention to my sister, a wicked grin resting on my lips. Running my hand through my hair, my baby blue sweater dress made me feel out of place. Prepare yourself for a battle of lovely banter, I told myself with a huff
“What a lovely family reunion.” I scoffed with a bit of a bite, her eyes rolling. “Wounds won’t do much to me but you are going to hurt horribly in the morning.” Ice crept out from underneath my feet, her finger wagging in the air. Blood coated her teeth, alarm rounding my eyes. Her blades hit the floor, horror rounding my eyes at her collapsing to her knees. Shit! My nose had been correct. The word boss had me spinning around to find him, her discreet moans waking me up to her situation.
“My boss sent me to warn you of what happens if you don’t listen to him.” She wheezed with a free smile, blood pouring from the corner of her lips. “I wanted to say goodbye to my dear sister. Before you ask, I don’t want your immortality. That sounds like a bitch.” Approaching her cautiously, her hands cupped her cheeks. Getting on my knees, my hands cupped hers. Kissing her forehead, our relationship may have been strained but that didn’t mean that her happy ending couldn’t happen. Tears welled up in my eyes, our foreheads pressing together. No one deserved this ending, the coldness proving to be more frigid than my ice powers.
“Why did your boss kill you?” I choked out through a wall of tears, her grin softening to a broken smile. Her lips parted to speak, her hands shoving me to the worn floor. A blade made of chains slid into her brain, the color draining from my cheeks as I moved my eyes up to an eight foot tall mountain of a demon. His ashy gray waves floated around his shoulders, his ruby eyes glittering with malice as she lifted up her body. Horror rounded my eyes at him dropping her limp body into his mouth, clammy sweat glistening on my skin at his inky lips closing with a single swallow. His ornate Victorian suit hugged his muscular body, his tongue licking his lips with a wink. Scrambling back, this couldn’t be happening. Who the hell was he? Playing his ruby horns, his fingers traced the immense curls. What was his weakness? Dread bubbled in my gut as I popped to my feet, my trembling hand pointing my blade towards his throat. Sauntering up to it with a cruel grin, the tip pressed into his throat. A ribbon cascaded down his throat, a newfound fear had me swimming in the pool of hesitancy.
“You are like the rumors say, Miss Nyx.” He mused with a wicked chuckle, his fingers curling around my blade. “Thank you for weakening my stepdaughter. She was a pain in my ass and spoiled too. Her mother tasted like the finest cut of beef. The operation is now under new management and you are in my way.” Panic twisted my features at him plucking me off the floor, a simple throw smashing me through the wall. A broken pipe impaled me, a fountain of blood burst from my lips. Holding the pipe, ice devoured it until it became a brittle piece of metal. Smashing my hilt against the ice, shards glittered in the moonlight the moment I hit the floor. Crawling behind the counter, he was going to know who he was messing with. Mouthing a silent healing spell, the wound sealed shut. Poking my head over the counter, his boots rang out in the next room over. Sliding back down, my fraying nerves had to die down before I made the next move. Rolling onto the bottom shelf, chains shattered the mirror behind the counter. Struggling to keep my head on, the corner of my lip trembled with pure fear. Even if I charged at him, his strength surpassed mine greatly. Glass crunched as he rounded the corner, the realization of my trail of blood sickening me. Ripping me out from underneath the counter by my throat, he smashed me into the broken glass. My blade clattered onto the floor, his boot kicking it away. Refusing to let despair haunt my eyes, my defiant grin pissed him off.
“Wow! You can’t devour me like your freaking family.” I taunted coolly, hiding my fright behind an even bigger grin. “Get over yourself.” Shards of glass dug into my back, his grip tightening on my throat. Black chains curled around my neck, my pride not letting him show how much he was scaring me. All I had to do was hold on until Salem showed up to rescue me, an idea coming to life in my mind. If his ego ran his mind, then I was going to screw with it. A sly grin on my lips had curiosity twinkling in his eyes, his head cocking back. What would get him going?
“If you are the big guy, show me what you have. Unless you’re a chicken.” I pointed out with a disdainful sigh and wink, air becoming a rare commodity. Swinging me around, bones groaned with every slam on the counter and then the floor. Dragging me through the glass, the pricks of every piece sinking into my tender flesh had me wincing. Landing inches from my blade, my fingers clawed for the hilt. Extending my claws from my fingertips, relief washed over me at the hilt hitting my eager palm. Ice crept out from underneath my palm, wicked laughter rumbling in my throat.
“Ice kingdom! Devour everything around you.” I chanted with another dark chuckle, a blizzard roaring to life as a foot of ice devouring everything. Too stunned to move, the heel of my boot smashed into his chest. Skidding back, my palm slammed onto the counter. Rising to my feet with a tired smile, I spun my blade in my palm. Skating over to him, this next move would be sure to bring the house down. Raising my heel over my head, the building shattered to pieces. Skating around the bewildered jerk, his eyes couldn’t follow me in all of the snow. Now the field was mine, a chance could be withstood.
“Quit playing, little mouse! Party tricks won’t fool me.” He bellowed over the howling winds, his body smashing towards me. Sparks danced in the air with every violent clash, our bodies flipping over each other. Landing on the other side of the debris, his blade swung towards my head. Slamming the tip of my blade into the ice, the sheer energy had me flying into the air. Angling my blade for his beefy neck, shock rounded my eyes the moment his hands curled around the sharp edge of my blade. Slamming me into the ice, several bones broke as a couple organs burst. Cursing under my breath, he stomped over to me with a ball of flames in his palm. Aiming it for my face, a quiet chuckle had his brow cocking. One leg still worked, a swift kick sent him flying into the sky. Mouthing another healing spell, bones clicked back into place. Huffing impatiently, time wasn’t on my hands. The last fragment clicked into place, a quick roll over the left had his blade missing me. Hopping to my feet, my boots skated with ease. The energy shifted, a discerning alarm rounding my eyes. Forming an ice dome over me, his black flames melted everything around me. Cold water soaked me to the bones the moment another wave of flames stole my protection, his eager grin spreading cheek to cheek. This wasn’t a battle I could win, my eyes flitting around the surrounding trees and abandoned buildings. Time slowed as he lowered his blade towards my neck, a clear escape presented itself. Pushing off the snow last minute, my boots glided down his blade. Taking my shot, the sharp edge of my blade cut through his horns like butter. Flipping out of his range, the snow crunched with every step away. Running until I couldn’t anymore, Deerthos yanked me through his wall of protection. Collapsing into his arms, his kind smile had me trembling like a damn leaf. My new enemy marched up to the edge, his fist banging away. Shouting an endless barrage of insults, my back straightened. Asserting my authority with a fit of hearty laughter, my middle fingers made an appearance. Alas, it was not the most mature reaction but it was all I had in me.
“You may have your team but I have mine.” I bragged with Cheshire Cat grin, frustration mixing with rage beautifully in his eyes. “It seems that this little mouse is still up to playing your silly little game. Love the new look by the way. Who knows when horns grow back? Is your pride hurt a bit?” Chewing on his lip, his finger traced the wall. A sly grin spread cheek to cheek, his tongue licking his lips. Lewd, that was utterly lewd.
“You are quite lovely! What I wouldn’t do to have you as my mate.” He mused with a wink, disgust mixing with my obvious iciness. “Our fight t’was fun. Imagine that, a bride that can’t be devoured by me. We are made for each other.” Laughing so hard that snorts had me cupping my stomach, my blissful grin gave him pause.
“Absolutely not. My bond is with somebody else.” I returned stiffly with a polite smile, his lips curling into a hard snarl. “There’s the jerk I know. Did you really think you could shoot your shot after devouring your step daughter. Hell no.” Backing up, Salem rising up behind me had him shrinking back. Black flames whisked him away, Salem held the bastard’s horns in his hand. Spinning me around to face him, his stern expression had me shrinking back.
“Want to tell me how you pissed off Emberon? He was in his little piece of paradise and now he is out to destroy the world.” He chastised me, shame dimming my eyes. Shame boiled to impatience, impatience boiling to justified fury. Facing my back towards him, my arms folded across my chest. The whole day had been a shit show and he had the galls to yell at me.
“I didn’t bring him, Arvy did!” I spat viciously, his arms curling around the small of my waist. “He devoured her whole and mumbled something about eating her mother. As much as I didn’t like her, her ending didn’t need to be that. If she had come to me before, I would have taken her under my wing and saved her. The problem is that she showed with death’s hand on her shoulder. I hate myself for not being able to save her.” Silent tears stained my cheeks, his chin resting on my shoulder. Apologizing with a peck to my cheek, his loving gaze doing little for fraying nerves. Actorn waved in the distance, an icy gust giving him pause. Too much raw anger sieged in my mind, snowflakes danced around aimlessly. Ice knocked Salem back, a portal into Hell creaking open. Leaping into the snowy landscape, creatures of all kinds darted around. Crunching through the snow towards the castle, the hole sealed shut. Alone, I needed to be alone. A noise had me crunching to a halt, Mamba approaching me with a weary smile. Fussing with his thick winter coat, his hand reached for mine. Continuing to walk away, his pleas fell on deaf ears.
“Please stop and listen to me.” He begged with a pensive grimace, a huffy yes flowing from my lips. “What is eating you? You are not usually like this.” Spinning on my heels to face him, he ran his fingers through his hair. Concern had me sighing to myself, my wet eyes meeting his. What I didn’t get was the constant fear of Salem? Sure, he had his bad side but he meant well.
“What I don’t get is why he immediately recoiled away from Salem and why that bastard thought it was okay to devour his family.” I ranted freely, Mamba taking it all in with an honest smile. “His dark side was as bad as mine. What crimes did he commit? All I remember while working with his mother was him coming home bloody and bruised every goddamn night. Whenever I would ask, he wouldn’t give me a generic freaking answer.” Clearing his throat, Salem’s hand held my shoulder. Struggling to speak behind me, he didn’t ask me to turn around.
“I killed a few people and I got into several spats with a few gangs. Generally, I let my shadow take over to numb any emotion I had left. Then you came along, a new light stealing away the darkness.” He admitted with tears in his voice, his hand trembling on my shoulder. “I didn’t want to be that guy anymore. I saw you that first day and the violence meant nothing. You can h-” Spinning on my heels, my lips pressed against his tenderly. The tenseness in his muscles dissolved in seconds, my hands cupping his cheeks. Gazing lovingly into his wet eyes, his hands curling around mine. This was the Salem I needed, the truth helping out a bit.
“We all did things we weren’t proud of. Lord knows that I have made a few but we are human in a way. The darkness had you and I was your lantern.” I comforted him sweetly, his arms clutching me close to his chest. “I am sure whatever beef you had with that monster was necessary. Next time you need help, tell me. My ears are always open.” Resting his chin on my head, his next words had me laughing to myself.
“Only if you come to me if you have problems. Trust me. Murder isn’t in your repertoire.” He joked lightly, his laughter causing my heart to flutter. “Do you think that he has more medicine ready? We might as well use our trip down here.” Bending down, the cool snow felt nice in my palm. Rolling it into a ball, I bounced it off of my palm. Throwing it in Mamba’s direction, his features brightened at it hitting his jacket. Scooping up a pile of snow, it whistled in my direction. Engaging in a full on snowball battle, our laughter danced in the air. Snow covered their suits, both of them catching their breaths. Basking in the warmth of the moment, Salem ran up to me. Spinning me around, our hair floated up. Lowering me to the snow, his lips kissed my big smile passionately. Time slowed to a stop, our hearts beating to the same song. The sounds rushed in with Mamba clearing his throat, the way back home glowed to life underneath his feet. Hopping into his circle, his ribbons whisked us into the kitchen of the mansion. Actorn leapt from the table to ambush me with gentle queries of my mental well-being. Placing my hands on his shoulders, he had nothing to worry about.
“I am good. Go smother your mate with love and adore her with all of your heart.” I urged with a couple of pats, his lovely lady calling for him in between vomiting bouts. “Let's make you a pot of tea.” Focusing on the task at hand, Mamba excused himself. Staring out numbly at the golden moon, Salem helped me get the teapot of ginger tea going. Embracing me from behind, his body swaying back and forth. Grabbing a couple of tea cups, two of my team members were going through a rather special experience. Was it because of me that families were being created.
“What did you do to Emberon to get him scurrying away like the cockroach he is?” I interrogated calmly, my tired eyes meeting his exhausted grin. Dropping his hands to his side, his hand ran through his hair. Bowing his head in shame, a grimace twitching on his lips. Surely, it couldn't be too horrid.
“I killed his first wife because my mother told me to but they were running a slave ring. Part of me regrets committing that action but so many children got to go home that day.” He choked out through a wall of tears, the teapot whistling. “I killed his mate that day. He could have killed me but he broke down. That wail was something else.” Moving the teapot off the burner, he had nothing to worry about. Wrapping my arms around his waist, his suit jacket brushed against my cheek. His heart meant well but they were criminals at the end of the day.
“The way I see it, they had it coming. Yes, it sucks. What about the people you saved?” I pointed out with my real smile, our foreheads pressing together. “Our job isn’t easy. The odds of us breaking up a family are rather high. Don’t be too hard on yourself. I was thinking about something. What if we tried for another one when this is all over? Imagine loads of kids running around and growing up together.” Life returned to his eyes, his hands sliding down to my flat stomach. Rubbing it affectionately, pure bliss twinkled in his eyes.
“Do you promise to give me as many kids as I desire?” He gushed with his million dollar smile, his mind seeming to be churning about. “Remarry me!” Stepping back in confusion, a tender blush rose to my cheeks as my lips curled into a playful grin. Pinning my ears back, his eager eyes picked up on my odd expression.
“Let’s do it right this time. My whole life I wanted to do more than simply eloping you. A gorgeous wedding gown would be stunning on you. We could celebrate and all that jazz. Our anniversary is approaching. Please!” He pleaded adorably, his palms pressing together. Samson ruffled my hair on the way in, Flyx bounced in behind him. Placing Sphynx into my arms, his plaid shifted as he began to prepare the tea. How did he always know when to show up? Right, I was his alpha in all technicality.
“Do it!” He spoke up confidently, wiping his hands on his jeans. “You have an eternity together and a hell of a second chance. Have the wedding of your dreams and live life like you never got to. Things are bleak but celebrations are known to lift the mood. I look forward to planning your wedding menu for you.” Swiping the cups off the counter, he bounced down the hall. Like the unsung hero he was, his heart was in the right place with that sweet suggestion.
“I would love to but let’s keep it simple. Big parties scare me.” I chirped cheerfully, rocking my son back and forth. Scooping up Flyx, Salem covered him in feverish kisses. Giggles twinkled in the air, the flames of hope burned high. Grant us the ability to win this war.

Hey guys,
I submitted a potential editorial to EW about the STAR Voting initiative that wasn't accepted in time for the election next week, so I thought I'd share it here (as well as on Medium) to get these thoughts out there. Hope you enjoy, and I'd be curious to hear how this sits with others in the Eugene community.
Why do we keep waiting for the perfect solution before escaping a toxic situation?
In the last issue of Eugene Weekly, EW’s editors explained in response to a reader letter why they don’t endorse implementing STAR Voting for Mayor and City Council elections: because this system caused confusion and didn’t increase voter participation when they tried it for their 2018 “Best of Eugene” polls. But that’s only one year, with presumably less outreach and education than would be devoted to a proper legislative rollout. The fact that STAR Voting didn’t immediately rejuvenate the process in this case doesn’t prove it’s not worth trying, but rather that it may need more investment of time and faith to normalize and work out the kinks before achieving the intended results.
The leadership of public bodies — including legislatures and community publications like EW — entails following through with some resolve on experiments like STAR Voting, even when their benefits remain largely theoretical. Otherwise, it’s too easy for ordinary individuals to resign to the inertia of our status quo, especially on matters as disillusioning as our current voting process. Another letter from last issue argued STAR Voting would be too easy to manipulate, but what makes them think it would be any worse than what we have now?
As a nation, we’re at risk of re-electing a narcissistic neo-fascist, who, along with cronies at the state and local levels, would make our nation significantly less safe for people and nature, furthering religious fundamentalist and corporate police control over the bodies of women, LGBTQ, and people of color. There are many reasons for this sad state of affairs, but manipulation of our voting process to perpetuate a two-party oligarchy is near the top of the list.
As easy as it may be to retreat to our ideological bubbles, these are desperate times, and all our commiserating over current affairs and conceiving of better alternatives won’t matter unless we can take the first steps towards voting reform. While I will be voting in favor of STAR Voting this election, I’m not a zealot, and would remain open to similar proposals like Ranked Choice Voting if it proves more tenable. Strangely, I seem to be in the minority among supporters of either camp (for STAR or Ranked Choice), who tend to disparage the other to distinguish their own preferred alternative.
I’m reminded of Monty Python’s biblical parody Life of Brian, wherein the anti-Roman-imperialist group the People’s Front of Judea repeatedly fails to act against their oppressors while fighting incessantly against their identical rival faction, the Judean People’s Front. At this point, it seems counterproductive and bordering on the absurd to split hairs and devolve into sectarian feuds between these two reform efforts, taking marginally different approaches toward the same goal: more nuanced and accurate democratic representation.
“Ranked Choice Voting? Splitters.”
To me, both STAR and Ranked Choice Voting are worth experimenting with, and will only reach their full potential by implementing and amending, maybe even cross-pollinating aspects of both. I see this as equivalent of trying on oxygen masks in an emergency before rushing to save anyone or anything else. At least it gets us closer to having a real voice in legislative polling, rather than the choice between one of two partisan mouthpieces. While it may take time for voters to adjust to the new levels of nuance and decision-making power, this would be well worth it as a long-term investment in fostering a more democratically minded, politically mindful populace.
I’m sick of feeling like my vote doesn’t matter, because neither political party reflects my values and policy beliefs. I don’t pretend to know the perfect ballot structure to realize the real American dream of multicultural democracy and sociopolitical equality, but I’ll gladly accept STAR Voting as a first port in the current shit storm of affordability crises and white supremacist paternalism. We have to start reforming somewhere, and holding our breath for the next best alternative is an act of privilege that misses how dire our current situation really is.
Or, to put it more poetically:
When you’re going through hell,
you don’t wait for the helicopter to heaven —
you take any step up you can.