I am NOT the Original Poster. That is u/JazzlikeOriginal358. They posted in AmItheAsshole
Trigger Warning: discussions of transphobia
Mood Spoiler: moving in a positive direction
Original Post: March 22, 2024
I'm having a bit of family drama and need a reality check about if I am being unreasonable here. I really need the perspective of LGBT+ sensitive individuals because the drama surrounds transphobia perpetrated by JK Rowling.
My step daughter is going through a pretty tough time. The last couple years have been really rough on her. She has been dealing with bullying at school, being held back a year, not getting along with her mom's new husband, self harm and identity issues. Lots of questioning of her sexuality and gender. (We have been working on getting her a good mental health team of doctors and therapists to help her navigate all of this, please know we aren't throwing her to the wolves or internet to deal with it all herself).
I've been in her life since she was 7. We've always had a pretty good, though not terribly close, relationship. I have not taken on a parental role, but have always tried to make myself available for her.
Until last year, her mom had primary custody and her dad had weekends with alternating holidays. Last year due to the issues with her school and mom's house, my stepdaughter requested that custody arrangements be changed.
Since she came to live with my husband and I full time, there has been quite a bit of friction between the two of us. One of the biggest points of contention is my Harry Potter fandom, particularly "The Bookcase", and my supposed transphobia (due to my apparently "wrong" stance when it comes to the politics regarding trans issues in our country)
I grew up in the hayday. So many of my childhood and teen memories are tied to the franchise. My friends and I were all really into it. We attend midnight book releases, dressed up in costume for movie releases, threw HP themed parties when we wanted to hang out, etc. In many ways it shaped the course of my entire life, those same friends and I joined our high school's botany club because herbology. That unlocked a lifelong passion of mine and my career is working with plants.
Over the years I've collected quite a bit of memorabilia, many of which are gifts, and they have always been displayed on my most prized possession. A monstrously large custom bookcase my grandfather, a former woodworker, built for me when I was a teenager. I love this thing. The shelves are live edge black walnut slabs. All around the casing my grandpa carved beautiful HP themed imagery. Owls, cauldrons, shooting stars, lightning bolts, an adorable little rat at the bottom and nibble marks from said rat, etc. It's both sentimental and valuable (the slabs of walnut for the shelves alone would be pushing a grand, let alone attempting to value the hand carved craftmanship). The bookcase has always been proudly displayed in my home. It currently lives in our living room.
During one of our family therapy sessions, my stepdaughter expressed that seeing my HP shelf made her feel really uncomfortable because of the author and that she was really disappointed in me and her father for being so supportive of a biggot. I apologized for making her feel uncomfortable in her own home, and said that I would take down the HP stuff.
So I packed up all the HP themed merch off the shelves. Made sure I didn't have the books or anything on display that said "Harry Potter" anywhere. I bought some LED grow lights and converted the bookcase into a plant shelf to display succulents. I bought some witchy, but not overtly harry potter, themed pots for the little guys so they'd go with the shelf.
This was not an acceptable compromise for my stepdaughter and has remained a point of contention. With my stepdaughter hurling that I/we (referring to my husband) broke a promise by saying we would get rid of the Harry Potter stuff. I tried to explain to my stepdaughter that, while I do not agree with JK Rowling's political stance at all, the media has a special place in my heart because of my childhood association with it and that the shelf was very important to me because it was a gift from my grandpa, but she maintains that none of that should matter because in 2024 it is nothing but a symbol of transphobia and hate.
At first my husband was supportive of me and my desire to keep my bookcase, but lately the arguments are wearing on him and he asked me if I would reconsider keeping it in the living room. Suggesting we rent a storage unit to house it in.
After the most recent blow up about it, I kinda lost my temper. I didn't yell or anything, but I did very firmly tell my stepdaughter that this is my home and my bookshelf stays. If it is such a big problem for her, she can always go back to live with her mother.
I knew it was a low blow pretty much as soon as I said it. I quickly apologized but it was out there. My stepdaughter has been on an emotional downward spiral.
My husband and I have been arguing almost nonstop. I think it is mostly stress because he is at his wits end with how to help his daughter but he is becoming pretty mean and nasty towards me. Telling me to "grow up and just get rid of the fucking bookcase"
I know I was a dick for saying my stepdaughter could always go back to live with her mom (and I suspect that will be the main topic at hand in our next family therapy session).
But am I really being unreasonable in wanting to keep my beloved bookcase?
EDIT: Thank you everyone. Honestly. Thank you for those who shared their insight and advice and thank you to the people who have asked me hard questions that made me think. Especially those who asked what matters more, a bookcase or a/my child?
I've been reflecting really hard on what my bookcase means to me an why it is so important. I'm hitting some deep truths I don't think I was ready to recognize about how I really feel about my relationship with my step daughter.
All in all I think we just need to shelf things until our next therapy session. (I'll see myself out...)
Relevant Comments:
Commenter: Can you temporarily put it in storage until she’s off to college, then take it back out? That way it will be safe, and everyone can take a deep breath and calm down a little.

OOP: I looked into storage units when my husband suggested it, for the size and climate/humidity control we would need it would cost us approximately $7,500 to store my shelf until she goes to college.
It's cost prohibitive.

Commenter: Why can't you just move the bookcase into the primary bedroom?

OOP: It's 7' x 4' x 1', made of solid wood, and we have a L shaped stair case.
The only way it is going upstairs is if it is completely dismantled and rebuilt. I don't have the skills, knowledge or tools to do that and hiring out a task like that is cost prohibitive especially because it would have to be done again when moving the bookcase back out.

Commenter: NTA. You need to put that bookcase in a room with locks, because your husband is going sell it or damage it.

OOP: My husband isn't an emotionally unstable monster. I don't believe he would ever do anything like that to me. I wouldn't have married him if he was that kind of person.
(to another commenter): I have absolutely zero concern about my husband doing anything to it. He isn't that kind of person. He is incredibly stressed out about all of this and has said shitty things in anger but this isn't some tv show where he and my stepdaughter are going to have daddy and daughter bonding time with a sledge hammer.

Commenter: I think he was just frustrated and worried about his daughter. Hopefully you can talk it out with him and he will apologize for the "grow up" comment.

OOP: That is my impression in regards to him too.
I can't imagine how hard it must be to see your child suffering and not being able to fix that pain.
I've been doing my best to give him grace due to the circumstances.
It is something we will address when he has the spoons to do so.

Commenter: One question: who owns or rents the house you are living in? If it is yours you can suggest that your husband move out and get a place of his own to his daughter liking

OOP: My husband and I purchased it together. We are both on the mortgage.

Commenter: Then time to figure out who stays, who goes, and how the equity...if any...is split.

OOP: I don't intend to divorce my husband and throw away a decade plus long relationship because he said one shitty thing to me during a period of great stress for him.

Commenter: If he destroys the bookcase to show solidarity with his daughter, what will you do?

OOP: Have him pink slipped.
That is not the action of a reasonable adult. I would be very concerned for his mental state.

Commenter: I wonder if she made similar unreasonable demands in her mother’s home or at school that lead you to the conflict there?

OOP: Part of the issues with her homelife with her mother involved my step daughter demanding that her mother choose between her now husband and her because mom's husband's political views.
So, this isn't exactly left field behavior.

Commenter: Your stepdaughter needs a massive reality check and probably different therapists.

OOP: oof. We are on our 5th

More on therapy:

Yes. She meets with a psychiatrist as well as her therapists.
(to a different commenter) We are in family counseling already. Couple's counseling is likely to happen if there isn't a resolution to this current bookcase issue in the very near future.

Commenter: Info needed: what is your ‘wrong stance’ when it comes to trans issues?

OOP: I'm kinda middle of the road when it comes to the trans political issues, and mostly take the stance of "I don't know, I have my own feelings about the issues but as it is not my area of expertise I am not beholden to them and I will leave these big problems up to the people who have made learning about them their focus of study"
Like, I get my feathers ruffled when medically uneducated politicians try to interfere with any kind of health care. Like seriously ruffled.
I believe that people facing gender identity issues should have free and easy access to health care and therapy to navigate those issues.
I believe that society in general should strive to use preferred pronouns if only as a matter of politeness.
But when it comes to things like trans people in sports or having afab only "safe spaces" - I see both sides of the argument and refer back to my "I think this should be left up to the people who focus on this and not form a super strong opinion either way based on my lay opinion"

OOP is voted NTA
Update Post: May 12, 2024 (1.5 months later)
Some one asked if I could update this situation, and I'll try my best to summarize the past several weeks.
My husband and I spoke about the situation. He apologized for being snappish with me, and agreed that SD was being unreasonable about the bookcase. He ultimately agreed to back me about it. He and I are just as tight as we ever have been.
I once again apologized to my SD for the remark I said out of frustration about her moving back with her mom. I reiterated that our home is her home too and she is always welcome here. That even though families sometimes fight and disagree we ARE family.
But the general argument about HP, JK Rowling, and my bookcase continued to escalate for a couple weeks. And then the discontent about that started to bleed over into complaints about me. She started to be more disrespectful and sarcastic.
During all of this we were still attending our family therapy sessions. Our therapist was pretty certain that the misbehavior was anxiety related and didn't suggest that we give in to the demands to have the bookcase removed and wanted to just keep working on the things we all have been.
Well, SD's disrespectful attitude hit a climax. She called me the c word and some other choice things within my husband's ear shot. My husband honestly kinda lost it on her. I don't think I have EVER seen him that angry before. He was bright red and vein popping angry as he marched her to her room and declared "YOU WILL NOT SPEAK TO MY WIFE IN SUCH A WAY".
This was probably the first time my SD had ever seen her dad angry, let alone anger directed at her. It left her pretty shook. Like that was her rock bottom. We ended up needing to do a couple emergency session with her counselor because there was concern about her relapsing with some self-destructive issues she has been working on.
But that incident lead to us having a break through. Her counselor invited my husband and I into one of her sessions, and she had a bit of a break down. Basically she was dealing with a lot of existential dread and a lot of fear due to politics and it being an election year.
That ended up being an excellent opening for us to bond. This is gonna sound silly but I was able to pull up my social media timelines back from 2016 and I showed her some of the things I had written or had shared with me back then.
She was able to see that I shared a lot of the same fears that she has.
So we have all had some really big talks about things like feeling helpless when things are out of your control, about disengaging from the media machine for your own mental health, etc.
Things have been on the upswing since then. Before she left for her mom's this past weekend she even gave me a mother's day gift. An adorable little planter that says Caution: Mandrakes.
I love it. I put one of my favorite props in it and it is front and center on the bookcase now.
Relevant Comments:
To a downvoted commenter:

your continued support of JK Rowling through fandom will likely be an issue for other LGBT people in your life

The only other LGBT person in my life sent me bertie botts every flavor beans in my christmas package this past year...
Commenter: This poor girl is terrified of being kicked out from another set of abusive parents and is forcing herself to buy merchandise to support someone who wants her dead to make her stepparent happy. This update is horrifying, for real.

OOP: Hope you stretched before this reach.
SD was not kicked out of her mom's home. That was a choice she made. She is in no danger of being kicked out of our home either.

Hey, it’s me. It’s been a while since we last saw each other, I hope you’re living your best life and that your friends and family are well.
Last time I tried to reach out to you I still wasn’t thinking clearly, I wasn’t being entirely honest when I was asking for closure- I’m sorry. After the breakup, I was still healing, hoping in my heart that if I gave us a little bit of time and space, we would meet up, work things out and get back together. I had the best intentions at heart and I just hope you know that.
I still have so much that I want to say and I wish I could say it to you without anymore miscommunication and fumbling on my words so here it goes.
When I first met you at the coffee shop, I was taken aback by this gorgeous girl who was funny, a little shy, hardworking and caring. I believed that you were exactly the person I was waiting for…and you were absolutely worth the wait. I couldn’t wait to see you again, when we met again my feelings for you grew stronger, I still remember you hiding your face in your scarf, I thought it was so cute and I was falling for you more and more.
I still remember our first kiss like it was yesterday, I eased into you, I felt secure feeling you close to me it was like a dream.
The next date was also incredible, meeting your friends was also great they’re such amazing people and I hope they’re well by the way. Walking around the town, seeing all the Christmas markets, grabbing a drink at that arcade bar, you whooping my ass at table hockey, and who could forget about that mini pouch of Tropicana at the pizza place (didn’t need a glass for that one haha). What I remember the most was how you cuddled up to me on the way back in the train.
Before we knew it, I made us official the next time we went the dessert shop. I was awkward as hell haha but it was the best decision of my life because it led to so many amazing memories I will cherish forever on top of the ones I just listed:

⁃ You meeting my parents- I felt so much pride and I was so glad when my parents loved you ⁃ Coming round on Boxing Day- it was an amazing day ⁃ New Year’s Eve- welcoming the new year with you, hoping our relationship continued to grow ⁃ Our games of Bowling- you really whipped my ass ⁃ Our games of mini golf- always loved them, you won the best of 3- fair game ⁃ Valentine’s Day when I gave you that bracelet and that cheesy card haha, you gave me a lovely picture of us both and a lovely meal ⁃ The meals round mine- dad makes amazing pizzas ⁃ That night at the bar- I’ll admit cocktails are great 

And the night I’ll never forget. I feel like that night, I’ve never been closer to you, our lovely meal when we were laughing together like there’s no tomorrow, having a drink at bout to show you some moves. Going back to the room, was the strongest I felt for you, that moment we shared together was beautiful and that was when I was truly in love.
I still felt so strongly for you, I missed you every day on that trip to and I thought of you each day. Coming back, everything changed and I felt like we were drifting apart. I was blaming myself so hard for what happened on my Birthday seeing you hurt- I felt like I was to blame. I still do now.
The day we broke up, still feels like a bad dream, it hurts knowing that’s reality. It hurts more knowing I was fighting for us whilst you were drifting away from me, it broke my heart, I felt like you gave up on me. I know we agreed but honestly I wasn’t happy, I thought ending things amicably was better for both of us but I guess it only really helped you. I’m not blaming you, that’s not fair to do that, you had your reasons and I understand completely why you weren’t happy with me no more.
The reasons why we didn’t work out: the communication, not understanding your job and the fact we weren’t moving forward. I’ve had time to self-reflect and I now understand why I was the way I was.
I was always hard on myself when it came to, well everything namely my job, my college work, my future, etc. I always questioned whether I was doing enough, whether I’d reach my full potential and being afraid of making mistakes. Those insecurities invaded the relationship and it’s why sometimes my communication was poor and why I sometimes was silent. It’s cause I stressed myself out over something that wasn’t a concern. That’s also why I would forget things or struggle listening, since I let that go I’m now much better.
When it came to your job, I did understand that you had to work different shifts compared to my job and I knew that. I guess because I stepped up on my communication I guess I was expecting more from you whether it was unrealistic or not.
Now I won’t lie, I guess I was also dissatisfied with some things with you and I felt frustrated at times.
I knew that you were awkward with physical intimacy and I understood. I did try my best to still show you my affection and make you feel loved. I felt rejected at times whenever you would shrug me off when it came to hugging or holding hands whether it was in front of my parents or even between us, when you didn’t reciprocate, it left me feeling uncertain at times.
Your sarcastic sense of humour did sometimes rub me the wrong way, I guess I just didn’t understand the jokes sometimes or I didn’t see it as such.
I did think sometimes you were a bit selfish too, like on your Birthday weekend. I did feel left out and like you didn’t really want me there, I absolutely understand your family should be your priority but I felt like you made it my responsibility to secure my place there and I felt it was unfair. I always considered you for every plan I made whether it was my Birthday or a future holiday.
Introducing you to my parents was also a huge step for me, I did that because I was sure about you. When you didn’t do the same despite everything I did, I felt like you were keeping me at an arms length and like you were trying to keep me out of your life.
Maybe you were also a bit unforgiving towards my struggles with listening. I reckon working around loud machinery all day, every day has affected me a bit and I’m sorry about that.
Despite those things, I still wanted to be with you and I was hoping with time we’d be the perfect couple. I was always eager to plan our next date, future plans for us too: holidays, events and I was also hoping I’d meet your family one day. I suppose it wasn’t meant to be but it still hurts knowing we’re not together no more, I still feel like I had so much more to give.
I feel like what we had was something special, it came at the right time, we are both definitely the right people and we had something amazing. I wished the problems we had didn’t push us apart, I feel like we could’ve overcame them. If you lost feelings for me, I get it but it still hurts and I hope you understand.
I’d give anything to talk to you again, simply just be with you again. I still hope, in my heart, that one day we’ll see each other again, that this isn’t really the end. Whether it’s at a coffee shop, a concert or in town, I still wish to see your face again, we pick up right where we left off. If we need to take it slow, I just hope we find our way back because things like us only happen once in a lifetime. I still miss you, your gorgeous smile, your laugh, simply just you.
If not, that’s ok. I know you’re happy now, I’m happy for you too, I wish nothing but the best for you. I just wished you could be your best with me. I’m ok though, no need to worry about me, I’m living my best life too and everything is looking up.
I hope this isn’t goodbye but if I don’t see you again, I hope you have an amazing life.
I’m glad you heard me out, eventually haha, and I’m happy knowing I got everything off my chest.
Thank you for everything and take care

Title says it all!
So about me, I’m a huge horror fan, it’s basically my life. This includes movies, books/poems, and art/photography. (Take guess which time of year I like most)
I read a lot and I’ll watch any show or movie once. Give me your recommendations!
I love memes a lot lol. I have thousands I’ll gladly share if you ask.
VC would be cool but is kind of awkward at first for me. But movies with friends would be dope asf.
I hope to talk to new people and learn about you!
P.S. if you guessed a tie between Christmas and Halloween, your correct 😂😂

I a (29F) have been friends with my what I thought was my best friend (25F) for about 2 and a half years. We met on hinge as dating prospects and after a little over a month of talking she called it off romantically and tried to pull away (little did I know she was still talking to her ex and hoping they’d get back together.) She had told me that her ex had cheated on her previously but never divulged any deeper into the past.
(For context: they met in high school and have been on and off for 9 years. He is extremely possessive and starts fights and is very controlling of her. She never told him about me because, “he would not like that you had feelings for me and would blow up.” So every time he came to visit her she would tell me and I would not be allowed to speak to her until he left. I had confronted her about that being stupid before and she just said, “I do this to everyone when he’s here I just turn my phone off and ignore everyone to spend time with him.” I found this incredibly weird and controlling of him. Before I met her on hinge she was living with him and a few of his friends in an apartment when she found out he was talking to some girl and he was being sexual with her over the phone. He let her read all the messages and she slapped him across the face. Months later he told her he and his friends were basically pushing her out of the apartment and made her leave. They broke up where she had to live with her mom before she found a cute new apartment she loved and put her soul into. )
Back to now.
I of course told her she deserved better because she truly is a wonderful person or so I thought. Fast forward to now and in between me getting over my feelings for her and now being in a very loving relationship with another person her and I remained very close friends. She ultimately got back with her ex after me and he broke up with her again right before Christmas claiming he loved her but was not in love with her. She was completely crushed. She would tell me basically everything going on her life including what has been going on her ex. He lives in AZ while she lives in CA. She started to date other people but most of them never stuck. She ended up meeting a really amazing guy. Let’s call him Rob. Rob and my best friend hit it off on shared interests and soon became boyfriend and girlfriend. I told her that she should rush too into things because she was still recovering from her ex and it seemed like things with this guy were progressing super fast. (They were already talking about moving in together, marriage and children) They were only together less than a month. But she has this pattern where she talks to men and once one bores her she moves on to the next. This was the first that actually stuck as a boyfriend. Things seemed good with them for a bit and he even flew them both to Vegas. He spoiled her with dinners and drinks at 5 celebrity restaurants and even stayed in a fancy hotel. Upon their return she mentioned to me about how happy she was and how good of a guy Rob was. I agreed and said this was a super healthy relationship and I was happy for us both being with people we deserved. A day later she told me her ex had found her second account on instagram where she posted poems about her life as a coping mechanism. She had before blocked him on everything when she found out he was clubbing and picking up strange women. She had ripped him a new one and told him she was really disappointed in him before blocking him on all social media and phone. I told her to block him on that account as well and move on. She was with a really great guy that was treating her very well and was healthy for her. Her ex had caused her PTSD from the serve mental abusing he put her through. Claiming he was the reason for her success in life. He also hinted as resenting her a bit for stunting his growth in life because he put all his love and support into her.
Apparently they kept talking behind everyone’s back because she had called me at work balling her eyes out that she told her ex about Rob and he was losing his shit. He was begging to know who it was and was blaming her for not waiting for him to get his life together. She said it was confusing her and causing issues with Rob because she liked Rob but she felt like she would always love her ex too. After I calmed her down she texted me that night that she may need to take a break with Rob in order to resolve this issue with her ex. I told her it was a good idea because it wasn’t fair to Rob she was talking to her ex and her feelings were becoming clouded. She told me that the weekend of mother’s days she already made plans with her family and Rob and she couldn’t bail because she didn’t want her family to know something was up with her and Rob. (Her family also HATES her ex for everything he put her through.) I thought I was a terrible idea and she should just make an excuse that Rob couldn’t attend. But she told me no because her mom wanted to get to know Rob better so he would be spending the night with her at her mom’s. I told her ok but he needed to go home to his mom on Mother’s Day and she needed to be with her own. She needed a break and a day to just let her hair down with her mom. On Mother’s Day she told me her and Rob woke up and she broke up with him. She sobbed for an hour because he was a really great guy. After that she told me she was going to reach out to her ex to resolve the issue. I thought this was also terrible but bit my tongue and supported her because she needed someone. Later that day she told me that her ex was on the way and driving to her place from Az. I told her “DONT TELL HIM YOU ARE SINGLE.” It was already too late he knew everything. I also told her don’t let him stay at your house. Last time he broke up with her she had booked a non refundable hotel room for $300 as she wasn’t allowed to stay with him because his mom HATES HER. So she lost $300. I told her make him go waste $300. Alas she didn’t listen to me. He arrived they got back together immediately and he slept in her bed that night. When I found out the next day I was LIVID. To me it felt like she went back to her abuser. He said just the right things to draw her back in. When I confronted her she feed me typical lines of: He’s changed It’s different this time I love him He was always trying to come back to me I wish you could see him like I do.
She brushed all this off as I tried to break her rose colored glasses and told me to stop being a jerk and rude. They were both attending therapy in the next 20 minutes. I couldn’t help but think the only reason he is on his best behavior is because he knew she was with another person and was finally trying to be happy. I chose my words carefully no cursing, no name calling just told her I was disappointed. I told her how hard this was for me as her best friend to see her enter this abusive relationship again. I told her this was wrong. I told her I was morally not ok with her having one man in her bed in that she pretend with and broke up with and then her ex in her bed that night. At this point I was DONE. She told me they will be moving to AZ together and renting a new house once her last day of teaching was done at the end of May.
My heart broke for that apartment she loved so much and finally made it the way she loved as an individual. I told her my heart broke for her family. For her nieces and nephew that love her so much. I told her dear god I hope this guy is the right answer to all her life’s issues and hope that he is worth it. I took old screen shots of old conversations where she told me how much she was glad she moved on from him and that she felt like she wasted her time with him and ultimately hurt herself. My last ditch effort to try and get her to see the light. She never responded. I blocked her on all social media and silenced her motivations on my phone. I still leave them open just in case things blow up Again and if she may need me.
AITAH?

so tomorrows the day, monday
english literature paper 2.
no more english lit
ever
again
tomorrow the feeling when you leave the exam hall, is going to be better than the feeling of finishing your last exam.
imagine
no more poems
no more macbeth
no more christmas carol
no more analysing words
no more
no more
no more

Your blues, shine through,
Every contact you ever wear.
I love your sense of humor,
You've been showing me,
The way I don't need, cursing,
Sauntering through a deep, dark, yet loose, obtuse,
Language.
I love cultures of different people,
I love the closeness of others more,
I hate failing all the things I set out to do,
I'm determined not to waste this time,
Worrying about a sarcastic point of view.
But you're funny, you seem lighter than I.
I've seen you fake laugh, it looked like so much energy,
You were putting out, to make the moment complete,
But for someone else.
The last thing I want, is for you to fake it with me.
I return to your voice, as it has made its way into my mind,
Talking to me, in a voice, that I don't recognize as yours.
I imagine its a little goofy, a little less polite,
Certainly not demonic, your wifi, subliminal,
You're the loveliest of men,
I feel caustic and you're my angel.
This is a crappy poem,
With an interesting title,
I need to currate this a little more.
This title has its lore,
My thin dimeanor, a chameleon, an urban fable,
Maybe I could be, a caustic angel?
Does this even make a lick of sense?

1. Haiku for Hanukkah:
   
   • Craft a series of haikus capturing the essence of Hanukkah, focusing on the symbolism of light, the menorah, and the joy of shared traditions.
2. Sonnet of Diwali Delights:
   
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3. Kwanzaa Villanelle:
   
   • Create a villanelle that reflects on the seven principles of Kwanzaa, exploring the repeated refrains to convey a sense of unity, purpose, and cultural celebration.
4. Las Posadas Limericks:
   
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5. St. Lucia's Day Free Verse:
   
   • Write a free verse poem that explores the sensory experience of St. Lucia's Day, using vivid imagery to convey the sights, sounds, and emotions of the candlelit processions.
6. Winter Solstice Cinquains:
   
   • Create a series of cinquains that capture the anticipation, stillness, and eventual rebirth associated with the Winter Solstice.
7. Chinese New Year Acrostic:
   
   • Compose an acrostic poem using the words "Chinese New Year," incorporating each letter to convey the energy, symbolism, and cultural richness of the celebration.
8. Ganna Elegy:
   
   • Write an elegy that reflects on the Ethiopian Christmas (Ganna), exploring themes of faith, tradition, and the emotional resonance of the holiday.
9. Oshogatsu Haiga:
   
   • Combine haiku with visual elements in a haiga to capture the serene beauty and cultural significance of Oshogatsu, incorporating traditional New Year imagery.
10. Global Celebrations Ghazal:
    
    • Craft a ghazal that weaves together the diverse elements of global holiday celebrations, exploring the shared threads of joy, love, and cultural exchange.

1. History of Christmas Traditions:
   
   • Research the historical origins of Christmas traditions such as gift-giving, decorating trees, and feasting. Explore how these customs have evolved over time.
2. Christmas Carols and Their Stories:
   
   • Dive into the stories behind classic Christmas carols. Explore the origins, lyrics, and cultural significance of popular songs associated with Christmas.
3. Culinary Traditions:
   
   • Investigate the diverse culinary traditions associated with Christmas around the world. Explore traditional festive dishes, desserts, and how different cultures celebrate through food.
4. Christmas Symbols and Decorations:
   
   • Research the symbolic meaning behind Christmas decorations such as ornaments, lights, and wreaths. Explore how these symbols contribute to the overall festive atmosphere.
5. Cultural Variations in Christmas Celebrations:
   
   • Explore how Christmas is celebrated in different cultures. Investigate unique customs, rituals, and festivities associated with Christmas around the world.
6. Christmas in Art and Literature:
   
   • Examine how Christmas is portrayed in art and literature. Explore famous Christmas-themed paintings, stories, and poems, and analyze the cultural impact of these works.
7. Modern Christmas Traditions:
   
   • Investigate contemporary Christmas traditions and how they may differ from historical practices. Explore new trends, activities, and ways people celebrate in the modern era.
8. Christmas Traditions in Education:
   
   • Research how Christmas is incorporated into educational settings. Explore lessons, activities, and programs designed to teach the cultural, historical, and religious aspects of Christmas.
9. Christmas Festivals and Events:
   
   • Explore public Christmas events, festivals, and parades. Investigate how communities come together to celebrate Christmas on a larger scale and the various activities organized during these events.
10. Christmas and Charity:
    
    • Examine the role of charity and giving during Christmas. Research how different cultures and communities engage in charitable activities during the holiday season and the impact of these efforts.

1. Hanukkah Ekphrasis:
   
   • Write an ekphrastic poem inspired by a piece of Hanukkah artwork, exploring the visual elements and infusing it with poetic interpretations of the holiday's themes.
2. Diwali Pantoum:
   
   • Construct a pantoum that reflects the cyclical nature of Diwali, interweaving verses to capture the rituals, lights, and familial warmth associated with the festival.
3. Kwanzaa Sestina:
   
   • Create a sestina that delves into the principles of Kwanzaa, allowing the repeated end words to echo the interconnectedness of the seven guiding principles.
4. Las Posadas Narrative Poem:
   
   • Craft a narrative poem that tells the story of Las Posadas, exploring the characters, their emotions, and the transformative power of reenacting the journey to Bethlehem.
5. St. Lucia's Day Rondeau:
   
   • Write a rondeau that captures the cyclical nature of St. Lucia's Day, emphasizing the themes of light, devotion, and the annual return of the festive traditions.
6. Winter Solstice Tanka:
   
   • Express the quiet beauty and contemplation of the Winter Solstice through a series of tanka, focusing on nature, reflection, and the promise of longer days.
7. Chinese New Year Found Poetry:
   
   • Create a found poem using excerpts from Chinese New Year traditions, incorporating elements from traditional greetings, myths, and customs to craft a poetic collage.
8. Ganna Ode:
   
   • Write an ode that celebrates the Ethiopian Christmas (Ganna), highlighting the spiritual significance, communal joy, and cultural richness of this festive occasion.
9. Oshogatsu Concrete Poem:
   
   • Experiment with a concrete poem that visually represents the symbolic elements of Oshogatsu, using the arrangement of words to evoke the essence of the New Year celebration.
10. Global Celebrations Haiku Sequence:
    
    • Develop a sequence of haikus that encapsulate the spirit of global holiday celebrations, drawing on diverse imagery and cultural elements to create a mosaic of poetic snapshots.

I am looking for a lady between 25 and 35 years old, for a committed monogamous childfree relationship. My goal is to become a true team, supporting each other, caring for each other, nurturing each other and helping each other grow and realise our goals and dreams as much as possible. I'm hoping to find someone that values a relationship as much as I do and takes it seriously. It's not the only thing my life revolves around, but it's also not just something 'nice to have' for me.
I am 186cm tall, slim/fit built, dark brown hair, brown eyes. Both my arms are tattooed (full sleeve), as are my calves and the areas above my ankles. Regarding pictures see below. I am a runner, training multiple times a week. I'm also vegan. My love languages are physical touch and words of affirmation. While I am mostly securely attached, withdrawing from me triggers anxiety and I have made a horrible experience with an avoidant partner in the past, so that is something I fear I cannot deal with again.
I am also an atheist.
I am a very warm, soft and sensitive person, I think I am humorous, I am self reflecting a lot and I can also be really passionate and romantic. Those are traits that also are really important to me in a woman.
I can be quite social, I am a good talker, but also love to listen to really get to know someone on a deeper level. I can enjoy an evening out with friends just as much as the silence of sitting at the shores of the river and watching the sunset in solitude (although I've been craving to watch it together with a partner for a really long time now). I can be out in a pub, at a rave, a metal show or at a football game and have the time of my life, but I cannot do these things every day; I need recharge time (on the sofa, in the woods for a run, a lazy Sunday staying in bed etc.). This should give you an idea; basically, I am a homebody that thoroughly enjoys going out in moderation.
I won't say too much about hobbies; suffice it to say I am into the dark, the obscure, the macabre, the occult, the mysterious, the erotic. It won't surprise you that I had a gothic phase in my youth, bonus points if you did too!
What I'm looking for
Although similar hobbies and interests are a plus, emotional and intimate compatibility are more important to me. I am a very sensitive and emotional person (I do cry easily and by this point I don't think I'll ever be able to change that, sorry), so if you're too, we will definitely understand each other. I need someone who I can open up to (which I do rather quickly, anyway), be myself, bare my soul to and I need these things from you, too. I've had my share of emotionally unavailable women who were afraid of intimacy so I know I can't deal with that again because of the way how those things affect me. I am always emotionally invested with the woman I pursue and in those cases that was to my detriment. But my ability to feel so deep is also something I wouldn't want to change because as of yet, although it's getting harder, I haven't given up on finding someone.
With those emotional needs come two requirements that I found to be vital over the years: First, being able to be silly and cutesy together and to accept each other's inner child and care for it. I am not talking about having to deal with another person's immaturity or inability to perform basic adult skills, rather with the way sadness, hurt, anxiety and being overwhelmed manifests for me (and maybe for you, too?). I need someone who is able to comfort me, to hold me, to allow me to be weak and needy for a while until I've calmed down, and I'm more than ready to offer the same. Your inner child can come out for a while, no problem (: Also in a positive way: Thankfully, today everyone seems to be understanding of the cuteness overload cats (or any animal baby, really) can cause; I need that with a partner. I also still have plushies as comfort animals and ideally, you do too.
Apparently in every relationship, one person is the stronger one. In the past, I have been with women who obviously were stronger than me, but that doesn't mean they always had to be strong, far from it. I certainly need to be able to feel protected, but it's not like I'm a particularly needy partner, like everyone, I have my ups and downs, but I can pull my weight and have been told by past partners that I am very caring and that they felt safe and understood with me, and providing that for my partner is really important for me as well.
Second, intimate compatibility. I am rather insatiable and love to experiment when it comes to the bedroom, so you should, too, in order that we can explore and enjoy together. I found out how fulfilling living out those fantasies can be after years of never being able to try and in a relationship, this kind of fulfillment for both partners is a must for me. I found the term 'filthy best friends and partners' to be a perfect description.
I'm looking for a balance between healthy independence and being emotionally present. A relationship where we 'get' each other; we're both each other's number one and treat each other like royalty. Where a disagreement leads to more intimacy between us as we understand better, not to resentment. Where we're comfortable baring our souls to each other, becoming a safe haven and secure base for each other. I don't like the modern notion that you 'should never feel too safe in a relationship' because that sounds like running from the mafia (and believe me, I love mafia movies); you should always put in effort, yes, but safety is one of the things I always want to experience and provide in a relationship. We shouldn't fear that a disagreement leads straight to breakup. I know ‘self-sufficiency’ is trending right now, but I feel like as partners, we’re partly responsible for each other and not our own but also each other’s happiness. Being dependant and dependable at the same time is important; making each other’s wellbeing a priority. If you’re not able to healthily depend on someone and their support while you’re having a hard time, look elsewhere. If I have to be afraid you’ll run at the first major problem that surfaces, even if it’s a ‘you’-problem, it’s not going to work. I think that all things can and need to be talked about. If you think ignoring someone for days is a form of communication, please look elsewhere.
I am looking for someone real. We all have our problems, I don't want or need a 'perfect' person. You don't have everything figured out or 'all your shit' together. Be imperfect. Admit when you feel sad and angry, lonely, hopeless or even helpless – it's all relatable. Don't hide it. Be quirky, be dorky, be witchy, opinionated, be yourself. Don't pretend.
I'm looking for someone to share romance with. Not great gestures, but small, meaningful ones. Poems for each other, expressing our feelings; cards with heartfelt messages that we put our perfume/cologne on, and a symbol that means something to us only, the print of your lips with lipstick, the way I sign and seal my letters for you.
Just as important to me is agreeing on living a healthy life, staying in shape both for ourselves and for each other, regularly working out and eating healthy. I am drug and disease-free and expect the same of you. I do drink as I love a good beer or glass of wine, rum or whiskey, but I've never really been drinking much and especially during the past year have further reduced it. One vice I have is that I enjoy a couple of cigars a year, but I can definitely accommodate you in this regard.
Another important point is aligned life goals: I value safety more than adventure. I want to build a home together with my partner, a safespace for the both of us, where we always feel loved and protected, a place that we create together, make it cozy together so we just love to get back home there wherever we might have been, a home we decorate together for Halloween (my favourite holiday) or Christmas or Springtime, as we live in tune with the seasons, enjoying nature on a walk or the rain outside, reading in our cozy home. I value stability and harmony.
Appearance-wise, I am into ladies on the smaller side), so I'm looking for someone petite/slim/skinny/healthy-fit. Likewise, I am not really muscular and don't have visible abs; like I said, I'm a runner, so if you're more into the gym-type, I'm not a good fit.
I’d prefer to move from text to voice calls, videochat and then meeting up, all of that rather sooner than later. Not that there’s a need to rush anything, but I’d rather see earlier if we’re compatible or not; as someone who catches feelings fast I need to protect myself.
Caveats

• I don't like travelling as it stresses me out; I don't mind being somewhere else for a week or two, but the organisation part of it drains my energy very quickly and dealing with stuff that doesn't work out is overwhelming to me. Smaller trips are ok, but I'm not the right person to travel the world with.
• I am not the most awake person in the morning (i.e. I identify as nightowl)
• I don't want children and had a vasectomy
• I need space for my own projects/time to recharge after social interaction.
• While I feel like I am in tune with my inner child and working on/with it through therapy, I realise this is something that could be a turn-off for people.
• I have been diagnosed with depressive episodes in the past and am taking anti-depressants right now. I realise that I am a work in progress, maybe more so than in times past, but I manage and the fact that I'm putting myself out here is based on me being ready to get to know someone new.
• I want to create a home together here, as I'm firmly rooted where I was born; I realise this is a lot to ask, but I have seen many people here being open to moving, so I want to at least try reaching out to them.

If you're interested, feel free to message me and include some pictures of yourself and I will reply with my own. Have a nice day (:

General
I am looking for a lady between 28 and 35 years old, for a committed monogamous childfree relationship. My goal is to become a true team, supporting each other, caring for each other, nurturing each other and helping each other grow and realise our goals and dreams as much as possible. I'm hoping to find someone that values a relationship as much as I do and takes it seriously. It's not the only thing my life revolves around, but it's also not just something 'nice to have' for me.
I tried to be as concise as possible while still providing what details I think are crucial to know; I realise this post turned out very long, but I prefer those because I can get as good an idea as possible with detailed descriptions, bar actually talking to the person, and find that very valuable, so if that also applies to you, that would be awesome.
Basics
I am 186cm tall, slim/fit built, dark brown hair, brown eyes. Both my arms are tattooed (full sleeve), as are my calves and the areas above my ankles. Regarding pictures see below. I am a runner (ranging from 5k to full marathon), training multiple times a week. I'm also vegan. My love languages are physical touch and words of affirmation. While I am mostly securely attached, withdrawing from me triggers anxiety and I have made a horrible experience with a fearful avoidant partner in the past, so that is something I fear I cannot deal with again.
I am also an atheist.
I am a very warm, soft and sensitive person, I think I am humorous, I am self reflecting a lot and I can also be really passionate and romantic. Those are traits that also are really important to me in a woman.
I can be quite social, I am a good talker, but also love to listen to really get to know someone on a deeper level. I can enjoy an evening out with friends just as much as the silence of sitting at the shores of the river and watching the sunset in solitude (although I've been craving to watch it together with a partner for a really long time now). I can be out in a pub, at a rave, a metal show or in the stadium watching football and have the time of my life, but I cannot do these things every day; I need recharge time (on the sofa, in the woods for a run, a lazy Sunday staying in bed etc.). This should give you an idea; basically, I am a homebody that thoroughly enjoys going out in moderation.
I won't say too much about hobbies; suffice it to say I am into the dark, the obscure, the macabre, the occult, the mysterious, the erotic. It won't surprise you that I had a gothic phase in my youth, bonus points if you did too!
What I am looking for
Although similar hobbies and interests are a plus (and there have to be at least a couple things we have in common), emotional and sexual compatibility are more important to me. I am a very sensitive and emotional person (I do cry easily and by this point I don't think I'll ever be able to change that, sorry), so if you're too, we will definitely understand each other. I need someone who I can open up to (which I do rather quickly, anyway), be myself, bare my soul to and I need these things from you, too. I've had my share of emotionally unavailable women who were afraid of intimacy so I know I can't deal with that again because of the way how those things affect me. I am always emotionally invested with the woman I pursue and in those cases that was to my detriment. But my ability to feel so deep is also something I wouldn't want to change because as of yet, although it's getting harder, I haven't given up on finding someone.
With those emotional needs come two requirements that I found to be vital over the years: First, being able to be silly and cutesy together and to accept each other's inner child and care for it. I am not talking about having to deal with another person's immaturity or inability to perform basic adult skills, rather with the way sadness, hurt, anxiety and being overwhelmed manifests for me (and maybe for you, too?). I need someone who is able to comfort me, to hold me, to allow me to be weak and needy for a while until I've calmed down, and I'm more than ready to offer the same. Your inner child can come out for a while, no problem (: Also in a positive way: Thankfully, today everyone seems to be understanding of the cuteness overload cats (or any animal baby, really) can cause; I need that with a partner. I also still have plushies as comfort animals (some of which in quite a litteral sense as they make for really amazing pillows) and ideally, you do too.
There is a saying that in every relationship, one person is the stronger one. In the past, I have been with women who obviously were stronger than me, but that doesn't mean they always had to be strong, far from it. I certainly, like I said, need to be able to feel protected, but it's not like I'm a particularly needy partner, like everyone, I have my ups and downs, but I can pull my weight and have been told by past partners that I am very caring and that they felt safe and understood with me, and providing that for my partner is really important for me as well – this just to put the picture I'm (somewhat haphazardly) trying to paint into perspective.
Second, sexual compatibility. I have a high libido and I have kinks, so you should, too, in order that we can explore and enjoy them together. I found out how fulfilling living out those fantasies can be after years of never being able to try and in a relationship, sexual fulfillment for both partners is a must for me. Someone on here has coined the term 'filthy best friends and partners' which I have no shame to be stealing because it's such an apt description.
I'm looking for a balance between healthy independence and being emotionally present. A relationship where we 'get' each other; we're both each other's number one and treat each other like royalty. Where a disagreement leads to more intimacy between us as we understand better, not to resentment. Where we're comfortable baring our souls to each other, becoming a safe haven and secure base for each other. I don't like the modern notion that you 'should never feel too safe in a relationship' because that sounds like running from the mafia (and believe me, I love mafia movies); you should always put in effort, yes, but safety is one of the things I always want to experience and provide in a relationship. We shouldn't fear that a disagreement leads straight to breakup. I know ‘self-sufficiency’ is trending right now, but I feel like as partners, we’re partly responsible for each other and not our own but also each other’s happiness. Being dependant and dependable at the same time is important; making each other’s wellbeing a priority. I love the relationship model outlined in Stan Tatkin’s ‘Wired for Love’ and you should, too. If you’re not able to healthily depend on someone and their support while you’re having a hard time, look elsewhere. I know codependency is the latest thing everyone’s afraid of, but experiencing someone you’ve grown very attached to just bailing because they’re counterdependent and can’t stand working on themselves while simultaneously letting you in is something I’d rather not go through again. If I have to be afraid you’ll run at the first major problem that surfaces, even if it’s a ‘you’-problem, it’s not going to work. I think that all things can and need to be talked about. If you think ignoring someone for days is a form of communication, please look elsewhere. If you think’s it’s okay to lovebomb someone and then leave after a couple of months with the minimum amount of information and no proper conversation because you’re not ready to own up to what’s happening to you emotionally, please look elsewhere.
I am looking for someone real. We all have our problems, I don't want or need a 'perfect' person. You don't have everything figured out or 'all your shit' together. Be imperfect. Admit when you feel sad and angry, lonely, hopeless or even helpless – it's all relatable. Don't hide it. Be quirky, be dorky, be witchy, be opinionated, be yourself. Don't pretend.
I'm looking for someone to share romance with. Not great gestures, but small, meaningful ones. Poems for each other, expressing our feelings; cards with heartfelt messages that we put our perfume/cologne on, and a symbol that means something to us only, the print of your lips with lipstick, the way I sign and seal my letters for you.
Just as important to me is agreeing on living a healthy life, staying in shape both for ourselves and for each other, regularly working out and eating healthy. I am drug and disease-free and expect the same of you. I do drink as I love a good beer or glass of wine, rum or whiskey, but I've never really been drinking much and especially during the past year have further reduced it. One vice I have is that I enjoy a couple of cigars a year, but I can definitely accommodate you in this regard.
Another important point is aligned life goals: many childfree people seem to be adventurous, but that is a trait I don't associate with myself at all. I value safety more than adventure. I want to build a home together with my partner, a safespace for the both of us, where we always feel loved and protected, a place that we create together, make it cozy together so we just love to get back home there wherever we might have been, a home we decorate together for Halloween (my favourite holiday) or Christmas or Springtime, as we live in tune with the seasons, seeing them change around us, enjoying nature on a walk or the rain outside, reading in our cozy home. I value stability and harmony.
Appearance-wise, I am into ladies on the smaller side (albeit not regarding height), so I'm looking for someone petite/slim/skinny/healthy-fit. Likewise, I am not really muscular and don't have visible abs; like I said, I'm a runner, so if you're more into the gym-type, I'm not a good fit.
The natural progression for me would be to move from text to voice calls, videochat and then meeting up, all of that rather sooner than later. Not that there’s a need to rush anything, but having my heart broken because I already developed feelings due to a longer timeframe and then everything unexpectedly turning to shit is not something I want to have to live through again. I’d rather see earlier if we’re compatible or not; as someone who catches feelings fast I need to protect myself, I unfortunately had to learn that
Caveats/Possible red flags

• I don't like travelling as it stresses me out; I don't mind being somewhere else for a week or two, but the organisation part of it drains my energy very quickly and dealing with stuff that doesn't work out is overwhelming to me. Smaller trips are ok, but I'm not the right person to travel the world with.
• I am not the most awake person in the morning (i.e. I identify as nightowl)
• I need space for my own projects/time to recharge after social interaction.
• While I feel like I am in tune with my inner child and working on/with it through therapy, I realise this is something that could be a turn-off for people.
• I have been diagnosed with depressive episodes in the past and am taking anti-depressants right now. I realise that I am a work in progress, maybe more so than in times past, but I manage and the fact that I'm putting myself out here is based on me being ready to get to know someone new.
• I want to create a home together here, as I'm firmly rooted where I was born; I realise this is a lot to ask, but I have seen many people here being open to moving, so I want to at least try reaching out to them.

If you're interested, feel free to message me and include some pictures of yourself and I will reply with my own. Have a nice day (:

Early one night on Christmas Eve the call was reported so we did leave. At 2am what did we receive? We lined up on court to much my reprieve. We wished for candy and so much more. It all turned out it was just a lore. An experience is all it was. There was no candy for our taste buds. Late at night in the shivering cold. Line up on court is all we were told. Middle of Montana -20 degrees. We were all out there wearing our undees. No coat no heat. We had all been beat. It was just a exercise I’ll tell ya. Freezing cold just remember.

So, I (19F) met this guy in church (37M) last November (I know, it gets worse). I was relatively new to this community (became a member in May) and it all started when he began getting closer to me at events, services, and on social media. At first, I assumed he wanted to befriend me, as I observed that he had a ton of female friends in church. However, he started talking to me differently, approaching me in caring and alluring ways, and I sort of fell for it.
He was graduating in theology and I am very interested in the topic. I had no one to share my views and thoughts with, and he used that to kind of ‘bait’ me in. At first, it felt like a safe place. He made me feel loved with endearing words, beautiful declarations of love and affection. I was very lonely at the time and it felt right to me (when it was absolutely wrong).
We would meet up at choir rehearsals for Christmas and see each other weekly. We would talk a lot, but fortunately, we never got physical past hugs. We would text each other day and night, every single day. I knew his work schedule by heart, and I was totally allured into the fantasy world he made up for me. He would sound protective and tell me that he worried about hurting me. Next thing, he would dump all of his trauma info on me, and I dealt with it in the best way that I could because he talked to me as if I was the one God had put into his life to take care of him. He went through a very rough phase in January, so I developed a habit of sending him daily Bible verses and I would dissect them for him. I would sing hymns to him and I gave him all of my energy, prayers, and faith. At the same time, I prayed to God and asked Him to give me a strong heart to deal with it all, to not make that man an idol in my life, to make Christ the center of my existence.
He would tell me about his struggles with his faith and his relationship with God, and I felt like I was the one responsible for keeping it together. I felt like I was the only one who could do it and nobody else would have the sensibility to help this poor grown man! (Silly, silly me). In February, I convinced him to look for a therapist and so he did, but the damage to me was already done. I have crippling clinical depression and at this point, I was talking to no one else around me but him. I was isolated from my friendships and now I can see it, but at that time it all seemed normal. As the weeks passed, I noticed myself falling into a very strong depressive episode. I would try to tell him my struggles because my silly brain thought we had established a relationship based on confidence and trust.
He didn't want to listen to what I had to say. When I tried to talk about my feelings, he would tell me it was an age thing and just a phase. He would say nasty, nasty things that made me feel so unworthy of love. One day, I got sick of it and sent him a ‘meme’ reaction to one of his messages, one where he told me my anxiety would pull people away. Then, he started answering my texts coldly. I spiraled, kind of freaked out, and told him a bunch of things, mostly begging for his forgiveness and telling him that I loved him. Mostly ‘stupid’ stuff (and it would look even stupider if you guys knew all of the things he told me through all of this). But he told me I had offended him, that my personality was too rude and sarcastic for him, and that it’d be better for his mental health to be away from me.
This was two months ago and we haven’t talked ever since. I have been attending a different service time at church and I have been avoiding events in which he might participate. I didn’t believe the things he told me at first, since most of my friends told me it was just nonsensical since my personality is the opposite of rude. But as I prayed to God to try and help me, I felt like my relationship with Him was strained after all this. I had associated Him and His word with someone who traumatized me to the core, and it’s been hard for me to see myself as a good person and a good Christian because I can’t bring myself to forgive this man. The more I process it, the angrier I get, and I can’t seem to be able to reestablish the beautiful relationship I had built with God, my Lord, my Savior, because of a man. I feel so bad for this. I can’t open my Bible because it was a gift from him. I can’t check out my favorite hymns because I sang them to him at his worst. I can’t read my favorite Bible verses because I would send them to him on a daily basis. I have tried everything in my power to rekindle what I had with God, but I feel so weak. I feel like I need a miracle to heal me. I need prayers, please.

Edit: If you are going to comment on the length of this post, please don't. This is not a simple snark but rather an actual critical think piece about feminism and Taylor Swift.

Introduction

Pertaining to Taylor Swift, "Female Rage" has deviated from its intended meaning after Swift debuted a new performance of The Tortured Poets Department during the Eras Tour. Now, according to Swift's use of the phrase, female rage is interpreted as public backlash against Swift's dating choices rather than as a response to the broader injustices against women and women's rights. This post examines Taylor Swift's flawed feminism, philanthropy, branding, and the controversial trademark petition for the phrase "Female Rage: The Musical". Swift's background as an entertainer, indeterminate politics, and alignment with capitalism over feminism pervades her legacy, again threatening her public tolerance as not just an individual but as a brand.

Once Upon a Female Rage...

If you were cognizant in the early 2010's, you've heard countless jabs at Taylor Swift in the media. Magazines, radio, or online. Music critics did not take her seriously as a songwriter; parents put a woman on an unrealistic pedestal as the ideal role model for their children; she dated too much and used men as lyrical fodder. No matter the story, it inevitably spread, conjoined with everyone's respective opinions, and you'd be left to wonder, "Why does everyone hate this girl so much?"
Taylor's target demographic has always been young or adolescent girls, more so when Swift herself was one. She made music that spoke to the awkward misfit, cultivating a para-social relationship with fans on MySpace, then later twitter, Instagram, and YouTube, where Taylor posted relatable vlogs showcasing the life of a homegrown American girl. Taylor had a delayed public "growing up" and, compared to her female pop contemporaries, Swift never "gratuitously sexualized her image and seems pathologically averse to controversy" (and, apparently, never even had a sip of alcohol until she turned 21). She was more than happy to spin this narrative to allude to an inherent moral superiority above other women in the industry (Better Than Revenge, heard of it?), engaging in the very slut-shaming that she herself endured (the Madonna and Whore archetypes). The victim complex arose with the need to prove Taylor as a different type of pop girl. Based upon her holy and clean image, Swift had been dubbed "a feminist's nightmare", and that "[To Swift] other girls are obstacles; undeserving enemies who steal Taylor’s soulmates with their bewitching good looks and sexual availability." Feminism and Tennessee-Christian country values don't exactly mix, it seems.
Years later, Swift befriended Lena Dunham and thus experienced white feminism osmosis, where Dunham taught Swift that real feminists defend rapists, makes insensitive jokes about rape and abortion, and prioritize all-white casts. Swift then declared herself a feminist in 2014, saying,

"Becoming friends with Lena – without her preaching to me, but just seeing why she believes what she believes, why she says what she says, why she stands for what she stands for – has made me realize that I’ve been taking a feminist stance without actually saying so."

I suppose the male-centric songwriting subject that permeates Swift's discography contained covert feminism and that we just didn't see that. Perhaps, the "Bad Blood" song and music video were written only in jest and not about poor Katy Perry, for Swift, as a feminist, would "never make it a girl fight" or tear other women down (though all Katy did was date your terrible ex-boyfriend and allegedly steal three backup dancers from your tour). In 2013, Swift said, in response to Tina Fey and Amy Poehler's joke towards her serial dating, "There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women."
There was that time in 2015 Taylor said that Nicki Minaj was "invited to any stage [she is] on" (as if Taylor expects to have access to every stage, award, and platform that Nicki might not otherwise have as a black female artist...yikes!) in response to Nicki's criticism of the white + thin VMA nominations. Later, Nicki responded with confusion, as Swift continued, "It’s unlike you to pit women against each other. Maybe one of the men took your slot..". Of course, this 'beef' was 'squashed' when Nicki performed with Taylor at the VMAs, with Nicki quite literally only having 38 seconds of stage time without Taylor. Maybe all that parading around with a legion of famous white women - similar to the way Taylor might've done with her numerous 1989-era handbags - was in fact a stance against gender inequality, and that this display of "girl power" should be enough to constitute Swift as a feminist icon.
Even while Swift says that Dunham informed her feminist outlook, she dances around the exact contents of those beliefs: "what she believes, what she says, what she stands for" is not exactly insightful towards what beliefs Swift might have inherited. Taylor never broaches women's rights topics such femicide, FGM, forced pregnancy & marriage, sex trafficking, women in slavery, women's financial and political oppression, women's educational rights, women's health, or women's autonomy, so we can assume she only gives a fuck about "girls supporting girls" (whatever that fucking means).
Despite some questionable (and sometimes vindictive) behavior, Taylor as a young woman did not deserve every media lashing that she received. We cannot deny that most headlines and criticisms perpetuated a misogynistic rhetoric which has plagued Swift for a majority of her career. Acknowledging events such as the development of her ED, her sexual assault trial, "Famous" lyric and MV depiction of Taylor, and the explicit Twitter deepfakes, for example, as both disgusting and unfortunate things that happened to a young woman in Hollywood does not negate the fact that Taylor is mostly a performative feminist.

Get Your Fucking Ass Up and Be a Philanthropist, It Seems Like Nobody Wants to Be a Philanthropist These Days

In 2013, Taylor Swift cut the ribbon at the grand opening of the Taylor Swift Education Center at the Country Music Hall of Fame in Nashville, Tennessee. The donation amount - $4 million - was the largest individual artist gift ever donated to the Country Music Hall of Fame, which is, of course, mentioned on Swift's website. The two-story facility features three classrooms, an instrument room, and an interactive children's exhibit gallery. Swift also performed at "All for the Hall" charity shows and has donated numerous artifacts from her career (such as notable guitars, tour costumes, etc) to the museum.
This was over 11 years ago, and it is still the only notable philanthropic contribution Taylor Swift has made.
For a woman of her net worth and stature, and a woman who recognizes the difficulties for women in film and music, you would think that Taylor Swift might establish a scholarship program for women to study the arts or something. Perhaps Swift might even consider becoming a member of organizations that support female artists, or one that supports LGBTQ+ causes (since she is now proudly an ally), yet she remains superficial with her graces. Broader philanthropy, such as donating relief aid to Palestinian women or women impacted by violence and discrimination will probably never receive any financial support from Miss Swift because then she'd be using her money towards philanthropies involving anyone but white entertainers.
She even says herself in Miss Americana, "My entire moral code as a kid and now is a need to be thought of as 'good'." Well, she's certainly thought of as good, though her actions say otherwise. She's more than happy to do a vaguely altruistic song and dance for a clip-worthy interview quote and mass appeasement, then fuck off to one of her mansions on a 20 minute private jet flight, rather than actually contribute to anything pertaining to the causes she has endorsed. Yet, far too many people continue to give a woman such as her their money, time, and energy, and she hoards these resources to herself.

I Like Some of the Taylor's Songs, But What the Fuck Does She Know About Feminism?

Swift continued with her self-proclaimed feminist campaign, positioning herself as a political activist and LGBTQ+ ally in the Miss Americana documentary. The primary focus of the documentary consists of the sexual assault trial, Andrea Swift's cancer diagnosis, Taylor's ED and body dysmorphia, media scrutiny, and, largely, finally speaking up about her politics publicly, mostly her opposition to the 2018 Tennessee Republican senate candidate, Marsha Blackburn, and Blackburn's beliefs. Swift says, following a scene discussing her experience during the trial,

"I just couldn't really stop thinking about it. And I just thought to myself, next time there is any opportunity to change anything, you had better know what you stand for and what you want to say."

We must ask ourselves, though: when has Swift ever spoken up to change anything? Okay, pulling her entire catalogue from Spotify because they didn't pay their artists enough and similarly pulling her catalogue from Apple Music are changes that she leveraged due to her revenue potential and power, but they are not pertinent to the average woman's rights. Moreover, these are issues that directly impacted Taylor's income, which was enough reason for her to protest in the first place. Swift has sold the most units for a female artist in first week sales, is the first female artist with 100k monthly Spotify listeners, is the first female artist to win the Album of the Year Grammy 4 times, and is the first female artist to do X, Y, and Z, all while being inoffensive and family-friendly to boot. The actual Taylor Swift seems unwilling to compromise the brand of Taylor Swift by contributing in meaningful ways to feminist causes, especially if it is for women outside of America and Hollywood.
The reason political anthems such as "The Man" and "Only the Young" of the Lover era feel disingenuous and corporate is because, well, it is. Taylor has taken every opportunity to advance her career or public image at the expense of other women. What is truly genuine to Taylor's outlook on other women is vying for male attention, taking down female competition, and vocalizing feminist injustices only if they directly impact her and her money. Some will argue that it's satisfactory for a woman with such a huge platform to even TALK about feminism, but that just isn't enough. It's even less impressive when you candidly look at the scope of her feminist lens: "If I was the man, then I'd be THE MAN", or "I really resent the ‘Be careful, buddy, she’s going to write a song about you’ angle, because it trivialises what I do", and, of course, "We all got crowns". Feminism, but only when it happens to me. It gets worse when you look at Taylor's track record of copying other famous women and removing other female artists as potential threats to her pop prowess.
It's good for PR to align yourself with certain blanket feminist and political beliefs, therefore good for branding, therefore good for ticketing and merchandise sales, therefore good for business. And Taylor Swift is a business.
She's not a feminist. Taylor Swift is a capitalist.

I Can't Pay Those Sweatshop Workers a Livable Wage or Benefits! How Else Would I Make My Billions?

Recently, Taylor's team filed to trademark the phrase "Female Rage: The Musical" after Taylor said during Paris N1 of the Eras Tour,

"So you were the first ones to see The Tortured Poets at the Eras Tour...or as I like to call it, 'Female Rage: The Musical'."

This trademark petition was filed last week on Saturday, and news comes about just as numerous unofficial fan-made merch designs have cropped up with this phrase plastered on Fruit of the Loom basics. I'm of the opinion Swift's team motioned for a trademark so that they can send out cease & desists to all those that make knockoff merch, which disrupts potential sales for Bravado, UMG's choice merchandising company; however, since it was filed earlier, perhaps Swift has bigger plans with the bizarre use of the gendered phrase. One Swiftie referred to the phrase "female rage" as "a funny Eras Tour joke". Could it be a possible fourth version of the Eras Tour Movie? Whatever the reason, the motion to capitalize off of such a concept is disgusting, but not unsurprising, for a woman that profits on her vain feminism.
Swift, through her company, TAS Rights Managements, has also trademarked over 200 phrases, including "1989", where she owns the property rights to this calendar year on keychains, phone cases, sunglasses, stationary, bags, beverage ware, clothing, entertainment services, your subconscious, and, of course, Christmas ornaments.
The vapid consumerism in Swiftie culture is, frankly, disgusting. Bravado's sustainability statement is non-existent, the quality control is abysmal, and the materials they use are horrible. The materials, such as acrylic and polyester, are made from petrochemicals. This means they are non-renewable, shed microplastics, and are quite toxic in production. The manufacturing process to make all of those lazy-rushed Eras Tour logo graphic tees is a huge blow to environmental well-being. Apparently, though, Swifties don't give a fuck. They sell out products in seconds and either have to face the manufactured scarcity or buy from a scalper that resells for 200% of the already ridiculous retail price. This doesn't include the environmental impact of vinyl records, CD, and cassette production, of which Taylor produces many variants that sell unsustainable amounts.
If we're talking about women's rights violations, why is no one acknowledging the women that work in the inhumane sweatshop conditions that have to pump out fugly t-shirts and hats? The millions of plastic microfiber dander they are inhaling, or the toxic dyes that touch their bare skin? Are they being compensated fairly for their skilled labour and are they in safe working environments? Do these women have minimal bargaining power, and do they have authority over their worker's rights? Is Taylor Swift female raging at their injustices? Does Taylor Swift ever feels bad that her wealth was built on the backs of women of color, disadvantaged by the demands of the global economy and garment industry? Do you think she ever says a little white feminist prayer for them before she goes to sleep at night?
What's even crazier is not that Taylor herself doesn't care, it's that Swifties don't care. There CANNOT BE ethical billionaires. You only make a billion dollars if you are exploiting other human beings for capital gain. Based on public perception of the possible "Female Rage: The Musical" trademark, it seems like Swifties are already asking for merch with this phrase. "If Taylor made it, I'd buy it." Oh, cool. So not only do you champion Miss Swift's avarice and billionaire status, but you also are unashamed to admit to your blind consumption of her music and merchandise, no matter where they might originate in production or sincerity. Just as Swift takes and takes and takes, Swifties' consumerism of Taylor Swift cannot be quelled.
The tortured artist's most vulnerable and sincere poetry...available now in 21 different versions!

I Am Tortured Poet, Hear Me Whinge

Look - even if Taylor's intention is to characterize TTPD as more "tortured" and "angry", the main thread of the album is "I was ghosted by my decade-long situationship with a controversial indie boy and my fucking stupid fans wrote a 'Speak Up Now' open letter prompting me to drop him" anger, which is adequately expressed in the lyrics and performances. The extent of Taylor's "female rage" on TTPD is on tracks such as "Who's Afraid of Little Old Me?", which contends with relentless media scrutiny; "But Daddy I Love Him", where Swift firmly states she'll date whoever she likes no matter how "Sarahs and Hannahs" may react; and "The Albatross", a track mythologizing her reputation and the consequences of dating her. Of course, these coincide with deep psychological wounds that formed during Swift's early years in the media, and so, from her feminist perspective, these subjects tackle the misogyny and double standards that she faced.
Yet Taylor Swift still has no grounds to be claiming that TTPD best exemplifies female rage and therefore she, in the context of this album, is female rage incarnate. As the daughter of a stock broker and mutual fund marketing executive, Taylor was born into wealth and allowed privileges like trips and subsequent relocation to Nashville all so that she might get a record deal. Her father even invested at least $120,000 into the then-fledgling label, Big Machine Records, which ensured Taylor's place with Borchetta after leaving her dead-end development deal with Sony. The fact that her parents were able to buy her a fucking brand new guitar for Christmas and pay for music lessons says so much about the financial security and safety of her childhood.
Money is privilege and protection, and despite Swift's experiences with misogyny and loser boyfriends, she does not know what female rage is.
Her rage is derived from her frustrations with her obsessive fans pulling the moral superiority card on Taylor in response to her rebound with Matty Healy. That's literally it. She's just pissed that the monster she created is no longer obediant, it's become a feral, sovereign entity that depletes the world of its natural resources and thinks it is more intelligent than it actually is because it's mommy has started to talk to it with big words. Apparently, 'illicit', 'elegy', 'nonchalant', and 'precocious' are considerably big words for the oafish monster, and I find it strange that this level of literacy is present in a group of fans that allegedly have GPAs of 3.5 or higher, but I digress.
Taylor Swift has never been one paycheck away from destitution. Taylor Swift has never experienced racial discrimination. She may have instances of gender discrimination, but she possesses the ideal white, blonde American beauty standard and therefore reaps the benefits of being a conventionally attractive woman. Taylor Swift has sufficient social capital. Taylor Swift is a billionaire woman prolonging her victimhood though she, as a woman, has mostly had control over her image and music (unlike her contemporaries). Taylor Swift is NOT entitled to be championed for her "female rage", nor should she be. Taylor Swift has never even been the struggling artist, for fuck's sake. I don't give a fuck if she's trying to fill the empty lunch tables of her past. Taylor Swift purporting herself, her unpolished album, and her lukewarm feminism as a musical bleeding with female rage is asinine.

Sigh Try and Come For My Job, Poors

Out there in the world right now is a 23-year-old woman, a recent college grad, who works as a barista. She has to wake up and get ready to go into a minimum wage job because she cannot get a job in her field. She doesn't have healthcare benefits or sick time, so she has to go into work no matter how she's feeling. All day long she is berated by vicious customers and creepy men, and, exhausted from being on her feet, she knows she has to go home to her shitty roommate that never does the dishes and her roommate's shitty dog. To comfort herself, she considers getting a treat, but thinks against it when she remembers that matcha lattes cost $15 and they taste like milky dirt. She knows that she needs to buy groceries this week, and so the woman resolves to go home, but notices that her gas tank is low. She goes to put gas in the car, but the pump stops at $27.86 because that's all that she has in her checking account. The woman, bereft and reeling, sinks into the driver's seat. "Well," she thinks, her head in her hands, "at least I don't have Taylor Swift's job. I just couldn't imagine."
Fame is somewhat of a choice. If at any moment Taylor feels that she is misunderstood, misconstrued, or overwhelmed by public opinion, she can LEAVE the public eye - Lord knows she has the retirement fund and residuals to do so. In "I Can Do It With a Broken Heart", the TTPD song about meeting the demands of your career-zenith mega-tour while in the relationship trenches, Taylor ends the song by rambling,

"You know you're good when you can even do it with a broken heart...you know you're good...and I'm good, cause I'm miserable, and no one even knows!...try and come for my job."

Yeah, obviously we wouldn't know, you recently passed the billionaire threshold and are the most famous and in-demand performer in the world right now. Taylor Swift makes an estimated $10 to $13 million dollars A NIGHT on the Eras Tour. Furthermore, the Eras Tour movie grossed $261.6 million globally, (which, as the producer, Taylor takes home 57% of the ticket sales) not counting the streaming revenue from Amazon Prime Video and the estimated $75 million deal that Disney paid to have it on Disney+. We're not even considering the income from cheap plastic popcorn buckets and drink cups plastered with colored squares in her Era-specific likeness.
It's funny. Taylor Swift often said that being famous wasn't hard, that she "isn't complaining". I'm sure it is difficult to always have to present in a good mood, else you'll end up misrepresented in the media, and I'm sure it's invasive to virtually have no privacy or semblance of anonymity. Still, Taylor Swift shows up each night of tour and performs. For a majority of her career, she has penned her sad songs while on the road. Most of "Red", her breakup album, was written in the thick of the Speak Now World tour. Now, some Swifties say they almost "feel bad" for attending the Eras Tour with Swift's revelations in this song, that they have had a 'dimmed experience' upon hearing Taylor's misery whilst performing. Despite the fact that Taylor said that "this was the happiest she's ever been" at Gilette Stadium in May, the lyrics "boohoo, woe is me, smile for the cameras and make the fans happy!!!" are jarring for Eras attendees.
While Taylor Swift was making double-digit millions a night in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil and feeling miserable, Ana Clara Benevides Machado passed away due to heat exposure. The concert promoters, Time For Fun, are now the subject of a criminal investigation due to their lack of adequate hydration and safety. Taylor Swift cancelled the Sunday show that was to follow and offered VIP tent tickets to Benevides Marchado's family, which was a kind gesture, but perhaps incongruous to the incident of which they were offered as consolation. Everyone grieves differently, of course, but I'm not sure attending the very show at the very same venue that my daughter or sister passed away in two days prior, where the singer CONTINUED the show despite her death, would be healthy for closure.
There was no female rage at the show as Swift never saw Benevides Machado pass out. There was no female rage towards the disregard for fans as humans while Swift elected to proceed with her Brazil tour dates despite the country being in historic heatwaves (at risk of overheatting herself). If Taylor Swift was so shaken by touring with a broken heart or a fan's passing, she wouldn't have added an additional North American leg of Eras just two months after the Matty breakup. She's brokenhearted but willing to mend the cracks with your money and move onward with her worldwide female rage induced pillaging.
No matter what happens, even if you die at a Taylor Swift concert, Taylor collects a big fat check and flies away. She doesn't know you as anything other than a conversion rate or earning potential despite what her nearly 20-year long parasocial relationship with fans might otherwise indicate. She knows that, while some Swifties are without disposable income, they feel obligated to spend on a "48 Hours Only!" exclusive vinyl variant instead of necessities because they are so entrenched in Taylor Swift's intoxicating celebrity, they'll prioritize materialistic fandom before their needs. This is good enough for her because this means she can expand her real estate portfolio and finance her cat's lavish lifestyles. They're worth an estimated $100 million dollars. Her three cats could pool their net worth and solve world hunger.
While you and I might be denied bereavement leave and barely surviving the current political and economic climate, Taylor Swift has to, instead of gets to, perform for stadiums at full attendance for three nights in a row across the globe. You and I might be replaced by AI at our longtime jobs, but Taylor Swift is threatened with losing more and more money each time you listen to a "Stolen Version" of her songs. If we don't buy every variant of all of her albums, then who is going to pay for the fucking cats?
It is tone deaf to spend as she spends and lives as she lives in this economy, but this is her reality. She was able to donate $100,000 to all of her tour truck drivers, and that's wonderful, but it leads me to wonder about the ethos of the 2020s where one woman can hoard such life-changing amounts of money. Remember in 2014 when she gave a fan $90 ($120 in today's money) to get Chipotle because she had no fucking clue how much it cost? This is a 34-year-old woman who is increasingly out of touch with the reality for working class people and women in general. Normal everyday adults must wake up and go to their thankless jobs, and yet Taylor Swift, despite all her riches, incessantly references the lows of her life and career as a public figure and entertainer to farm sympathy and drive sales. And still, the corporate women have latched onto "I cry a lot, but I am so productive! It's an art!" as their cubicle battle cry.
Do you think that, from up in her private jet, Taylor Swift gazes at the world through her poetic, tortured eyes, and thinks, "All the little people, in their cars, walking, going about their lives...all those girls that don't support girls...do they know that I've made an album about female rage?"

Conclusion/TLDR

Thank you for reading. I would love to hear your critical insights towards this entire ordeal: TTPD, the trademark, the implications of it all.
TLDR: Taylor Swift is a bad feminist and is delusional to think that the TTPD eras set exemplifies female rage at women's injustice.

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inspire, install, instance, instead, institute, institution, institutional, instruction, instructor, instrument, insurance, intellectual, intelligence, intend, intense, intensity, intention, interaction, interest, interested, interesting, internal, international, Internet, interpret, interpretation, intervention, interview, introduce, introduction, invasion, invest, investigation, investigator, investment, investor, invite, involve, involved, involvement, Iraqi, Irish, iron, Islamic, island, Israeli, issue, it, Italian, item, its, itself, jacket, jail, Japanese, jet, Jew, Jewish, job, join, joint, joke, journal, journalist, journey, joy, judge, judgment, juice, jump, junior, jury, just, justice, justify, keep, key, kick, kid, kill, killer, killing, kind, king, kiss, kitchen, knee, knife, knock, know, knowledge, lab, label, labor, laboratory, lack, lady, lake, land, landscape, language, lap, large, largely, last, late, later, Latin, latter, laugh, launch, law, lawsuit, lawyer, lay, layer, lead, leader, leadership, leading, leaf, league, lean, learn, learning, least, leather, leave, left, leg, legacy, legal, legend, legislation, legislative, legislator, legitimate, lemon, length, less, lesson, let, letter, level, liberal, library, license, lie, life, lifestyle, lifetime, lift, light, like, likely, limit, limitation, limited, line, link, lip, list, listen, literary, literature, little, live, living, load, loan, local, locate, location, lock, long, long-term, look, loose, lose, loss, lost, lot, lots, loud, love, lovely, lover, low, lower, luck, lucky, lunch, luxury, machine, mad, magazine, mail, main, mainly, maintain, maintenance, major, majority, make, maker, makeup, male, mall, man, manage, management, manager, manner, manufacturer, manufacturing, many, map, margin, mark, market, marketing, marriage, married, marry, mask, mass, massive, master, match, material, math, matter, may, maybe, mayor, me, meal, mean, meaning, meanwhile, measure, measurement, meat, mechanism, media, medical, medication, medicine, medium, meet, meeting, member, membership, memory, mental, mention, menu, mere, merely, mess, message, metal, meter, method, Mexican, middle, might, military, milk, million, mind, mine, minister, minor, minority, minute, miracle, mirror, miss, missile, mission, mistake, mix, mixture, mm-hmm, mode, model, moderate, modern, modest, mom, moment, money, monitor, month, mood, moon, moral, more, moreover, morning, mortgage, most, mostly, mother, motion, motivation, motor, mountain, mouse, mouth, move, movement, movie, Mr, Mrs, Ms, much, multiple, murder, muscle, museum, music, musical, musician, Muslim, must, mutual, my, myself, mystery, myth, naked, name, narrative, narrow, nation, national, native, natural, naturally, nature, near, nearby, nearly, necessarily, necessary, neck, need, negative, negotiate, negotiation, neighbor, neighborhood, neither, nerve, nervous, net, network, never, nevertheless, new, newly, news, newspaper, next, nice, night, nine, no, nobody, nod, noise, nomination, nominee, none, nonetheless, nor, normal, normally, north, northern, nose, not, note, nothing, notice, notion, novel, now, nowhere, nuclear, number, numerous, nurse, nut, object, objective, obligation, observation, observe, observer, obtain, obvious, obviously, occasion, occasionally, occupation, occupy, occur, ocean, odd, odds, of, off, offense, offensive, offer, office, officer, official, often, oh, oil, okay, old, Olympic, on, once, one, ongoing, onion, online, only, onto, open, opening, operate, operating, operation, operator, opinion, opponent, opportunity, oppose, opposed, opposite, opposition, option, or, orange, order, ordinary, organic, organization, organize, orientation, origin, original, originally, other, others, otherwise, ought, our, ours, ourselves, out, outcome, outside, oven, over, overall, overcome, overlook, owe, own, owner, pace, pack, package, page, pain, painful, paint, painter, painting, pair, pale, Palestinian, palm, pan, panel, panic, pant, paper, paragraph, parent, park, parking, part, participant, participate, participation, particle, particular, particularly, partly, partner, partnership, party, pass, passage, passenger, passion, past, patch, path, patient, pattern, pause, pay, payment, PC, peace, peak, peer, pen, penalty, people, pepper, per, perceive, percentage, perception, perfect, perfectly, perform, performance, perhaps, period, permanent, permission, permit, person, personal, personality, personally, personnel, perspective, persuade, pet, phase, phenomenon, philosophy, phone, photo, photographer, phrase, physical, physically, physician, piano, pick, picture, pie, piece, pile, pilot, pine, pink, pipe, pitch, place, plan, plane, planet, planning, plant, plastic, plate, platform, play, player, please, pleasure, plenty, plot, plus, PM, pocket, poem, poet, poetry, point, police, policy, political, politically, politician, politics, poll, pollution, pool, poor, pop, popular, population, porch, port, portion, portrait, portray, pose, position, positive, possess, possession, possibility, possible, possibly, post, pot, potato, potential, potentially, pound, pour, poverty, powder, power, powerful, practical, practice, prayer, preach, precisely, predict, prediction, prefer, preference, pregnancy, pregnant, preparation, prepare, prescription, presence, present, presentation, preserve, president, presidential, press, pressure, pretend, pretty, prevent, previous, previously, price, pride, priest, primarily, primary, prime, principal, principle, print, prior, priority, prison, prisoner, privacy, private, probably, problem, procedure, proceed, process, processing, processor, proclaim, produce, producer, product, production, profession, professional, professor, profile, profit, program, progress, progressive, project, prominent, promise, promote, prompt, proof, proper, properly, property, proportion, proposal, propose, prosecutor, prospect, protect, protection, protein, protest, proud, prove, provide, provider, province, provision, psychological, psychology, public, publication, publicity, publish, publisher, pull, punishment, purchase, pure, purpose, pursue, push, put, qualify, quality, quarter, quarterback, quarterly, queen, quest, question, quick, quickly, quiet, quietly, quit, quite, quote, race, racial, radiation, radical, radio, rail, rain, raise, range, rank, rapid, rapidly, rare, rarely, rate, rather, rating, ratio, raw, reach, react, reaction, reader, reading, ready, real, reality, realize, really, reason, reasonable, recall, receive, recent, recently, reception, recipe, recipient, recognition, recognize, recommend, recommendation, record, recording, recover, recovery, recruit, red, reduce, reduction, refer, reference, reflect, reflection, reform, refugee, refuse, regard, regarding, regardless, regime, region, regional, register, regular, regularly, regulate, regulation, regulator, reinforce, reject, relate, relation, relationship, relative, relatively, relax, release, relevant, relief, religion, religious, rely, remain, remaining, remarkable, remember, remind, remote, remove, repeat, repeatedly, replace, replacement, reply, report, reporter, represent, representation, representative, Republican, reputation, request, require, requirement, research, researcher, resemble, reservation, resident, residential, resign, resist, resistance, resolution, resolve, resort, resource, respect, respond, response, responsibility, responsible, rest, restaurant, restore, restriction, result, retain, retire, retirement, return, reveal, revenue, review, revolution, rhythm, rice, rich, rid, ride, rifle, right, ring, rise, risk, river, road, rock, role, roll, romantic, roof, room, root, rope, rose, rough, roughly, round, route, routine, row, rub, rubber, rude, ruin, rule, run, running, rural, rush, Russian, sacred, sad, safe, safety, sake, salad, salary, sale, sales, salt, same, sample, sanction, sand, satellite, satisfaction, satisfied, satisfy, sauce, save, saving, say, scale, scandal, scare, scatter, scenario, scene, schedule, scheme, scholar, scholarship, school, science, scientific, scientist, scope, score, scream, screen, script, sea, search, season, seat, second, secondary, secret, secretary, section, sector, secure, security, see, seed, seek, seem, segment, seize, select, selection, self, sell, Senate, senator, send, senior, sense, sensitive, sentence, separate, sequence, series, serious, seriously, servant, serve, service, session, set, setting, settle, settlement, seven, several, severe, sex, sexual, shade, shadow, shake, shall, shallow, shape, share, sharp, she, sheet, shelf, shell, shelter, shift, shine, ship, shirt, shock, shoe, shoot, shooting, shop, shopping, short, shortly, shot, should, shoulder, shout, show, shower, shrug, shut, shy, sibling, sick, side, sigh, sight, sign, signal, significant, significantly, silence, silent, silver, similar, similarly, simple, simply, sin, since, sing, singer, single, sink, sir, sister, sit, site, situation, six, size, ski, skill, skin, skirt, sky, slave, sleep, slice, slide, slight, slightly, slip, slow, slowly, small, smart, smell, smile, smoke, smooth, snap, snow, so, so-called, soccer, social, society, soft, software, soil, solar, soldier, sole, solid, solution, solve, some, somebody, somehow, someone, something, sometimes, somewhat, somewhere, son, song, soon, sophisticated, sorry, sort, soul, sound, soup, source, south, southern, Soviet, space, Spanish, speak, speaker, special, specialist, species, specific, specifically, specify, speech, speed, spend, spending, spin, spirit, spiritual, split, spoil, sponsor, sport, spot, spray, spread, spring, square, squeeze, stability, stable, staff, stage, stain, stair, stake, stand, standard, standing, star, stare, start, state, statement, station, statistical, status, stay, steady, steal, steel, steep, stem, step, stick, still, stimulate, stimulus, stir, stock, stomach, stone, stop, storage, store, storm, story, straight, strange, stranger, strategic, strategy, stream, street, strength, strengthen, stress, stretch, strike, string, strip, stroke, strong, strongly, structural, structure, struggle, student, studio, study, stuff, stupid, style, subject, submit, subsequent, substance, substantial, substitute, succeed, success, successful, successfully, such, sudden, suddenly, sue, suffer, sufficient, sugar, suggest, suggestion, suicide, suit, summer, summit, sun, super, supply, support, supporter, suppose, supposed, Supreme, sure, surely, surface, surgery, surprise, surprised, surprising, surprisingly, surround, survey, survival, survive, survivor, suspect, sustain, swear, sweep, sweet, swim, swing, switch, symbol, symptom, system, table, tactic, tail, take, tale, talent, talk, tall, tank, tap, tape, target, task, taste, tax, taxi, tea, teach, teacher, teaching, team, tear, technical, technique, technology, teen, teenager, telephone, telescope, television, tell, temperature, temporary, ten, tend, tendency, tennis, tension, tent, term, terms, terrible, territory, terror, terrorist, test, testimony, testing, text, than, thank, thanks, that, the, theater, their, them, theme, themselves, then, theory, therapy, there, therefore, these, they, thick, thin, thing, think, thinking, third, thirty, this, those, though, thought, thousand, threat, threaten, three, throat, through, throughout, throw, thus, ticket, tie, tight, time, tiny, tip, tire, tissue, title, to, tobacco, today, toe, together, toilet, token, tolerate, tomato, tomorrow, tone, tongue, tonight, too, tool, tooth, top, topic, toss, total, totally, touch, tough, tour, tourist, tournament, toward, towards, tower, town, toy, trace, track, trade, tradition, traditional, traffic, tragedy, trail, train, training, transfer, transform, transformation, transition, translate, translation, transmission, transmit, transport, transportation, travel, treat, treatment, treaty, tree, tremendous, trend, trial, tribe, trick, trip, troop, trouble, truck, true, truly, trust, truth, try, tube, tunnel, turn, TV, twelve, twenty, twice, twin, two, type, typical, typically, ugly, ultimate, ultimately, unable, uncle, undergo, understand, understanding, unfortunately, uniform, union, unique, unit, United, universal, universe, university, unknown, unless, unlike, until, unusual, up, upon, upper, urban, urge, us, use, used, useful, user, usual, usually, utility, utilize, vacation, valley, valuable, value, variable, variation, variety, various, vary, vast, vegetable, vehicle, venture, version, versus, very, vessel, veteran, via, victim, victory, video, view, viewer, village, violate, violation, violence, violent, virtually, virtue, virus, visibility, visible, vision, visit, visitor, visual, vital, voice, volume, voluntary, volunteer, vote, voter, voting, wage, wait, wake, walk, wall, wander, want, war, warm, warn, warning, wash, waste, watch, water, wave, way, we, weak, weakness, wealth, wealthy, weapon, wear, weather, web, website, wedding, week, weekend, weekly, weigh, weight, welcome, welfare, well, west, western, wet, what, whatever, wheel, when, whenever, where, whereas, whether, which, while, whisper, white, who, whole, whom, whose, why, wide, widely, widespread, wife, wild, wildlife, will, willing, win, wind, window, wine, wing, winner, winter, wipe, wire, wisdom, wise, wish, with, withdraw, within, without, witness, woman, wonder, wonderful, wood, wooden, word, work, worker, working, workout, workplace, works, workshop, world, worried, worry, worth, would, wound, wrap, write, writer, writing, wrong, yard, yeah, year, yell, yellow, yes, yesterday, yet, yield, you, young, your, yours, yourself, youth, zone.

At least I certainly hope so for my mom, my MIL, and my sister. They all seemed very happy & pleased with the day.
My mom & dad were absolute rock stars for hosting & fixing all kinds of delicious food for dinner yesterday, and I am truly so very grateful for them. They are the kind of selfless people that truly always do more for others than they receive, willingly and lovingly.
Yesterday made me even more glad that I went over to their house on Saturday & helped my mom with some technological stuff + spent several hours with her. We “chased” the northern lights, though frankly we didn’t see much. Apparently they were much more magnificent the night before; I didn’t really have any luck then either. Some of the folks around this area captured some rather unbelievable photos — that’s not to say that I’m calling it nonsense. However I do know for a fact that some of those photos were heavily edited/adjusted. I know what I saw with my eyes, and what I was able to get with my camera… those things were not in alignment whatsoever. But anyway Saturday night was really enjoyable, mostly because I was with my mom.
My parents & family have really welcomed in my MIL with open arms ever since my FIL passed away. She has expressed gratitude for this many times. Yesterday was no exception, and to my husband’s credit, he made sure his mom knew everything we did & all that she got was thanks to me (and my parents, of course).
My sister came out to my parents an hour or so later than she planned, which pushed dinner back a bit, but no one seemed to mind. It was delicious all the same, and my kids loved playing with their amazing cousins.
Unfortunately that put us getting back home about an hour & a half later than I’d expected. My husband & oldest daughter didn’t stay long out at my parents, but MIL stayed with us all day. So I dropped her off before I could get home with my Littles.
On the way back home, I found out that my MIL is somehow back in contact with the MEGAbitch (aka Barbie). The slutty, disgusting Rush-loving racist who is unfortunately my husband’s brother’s w___e. Feel free to fill that word however you deem fit. I truly don’t give a shit that she’s as pure as the driven snow (but she’s a “Christian”, so that’s ok!) or that her moral compass is nonfunctional/nonexistent. What really pisses me off about this bitch is the fact that she *used** an innocent-ish POC to cheat on her [possibly even more] racist partner. And she decided to cOnfEsS that shit to me right before we were to celebrate Christmas w my husband’s parents. (Sadly one of the very last Christmases of my FIL’s life. Also my son’s first Christmas. What a peach, eh?) Prior to that shitstorm, the ONLY thing this bitch said to me about her “indiscretion” was I’m not innocent.
Unfortunately her “confession” text was extremely elusive, and I idiotically thought, “omg, she kissed someone else!” HA. Oh, sweet summerchild self of years ago, you wish that’s all she had done. It wasn’t until the next morning — 3 HOURS before we did Christmas w my husband’s parents that the whole truth came out. After a very long phone call, my hunky but shell-shocked hubby [henceforth called G.I. Joe* — Joe for short] said “we have to talk.” Just then, I received a text from the Barbie MEGAbitch…
“im sure you know that Ken* spoke with Joe today. you may already know, but I def want to tell you that the guy I slept with was black. I know that's the worst offense. I know how Ken feels about that. I just wanted you to know. like I said, I am not innocent. im so sorry.”
Ken had obviously called Joe & word-vomited the whole sordid fiasco, including the fact that Ken knew exactly who the AP was.. one of Barbie’s younger coworkers (huge shocker, sarcastically speaking). I don’t know if this fella was partially or completely duped, but I’m willing to bet my left boob that he did not know he was being used as a pawn. It came as a tremendous shock (and relief) to Joe & me that Ken hadn’t committed an unspeakable act of violence on that guy.
And this is where I need to throw in the caveat that Joe & I were never super close to Barbie & Ken. Our values & beliefs didn’t align in many if any ways; we lived in a very big, diverse area for 10 years; they’ve lived their whole lives in a small, backwards area (save for Barbie’s one failing attempt at a local-ish party college for almost a whole semester — until she got knocked up). And from the outside we were flip-flopped in earnings & appearances. I’m just not a huge spender and I’ll use something until it completely wears out.. I don’t need a new fill-in-the-blank every season, nor do I need flashy name brands. I’m just not into splurgy bs.
But Ken is Joe’s brother. And no matter how big a tool that schmuck is, my husband (bless his heart) will always love Ken. May not always like him, and he straight-up hates aspects of him — but Joe cares about his brother, and he’s never been the biggest fan of Barbie.
I thought Barbie & I were “sorta friends” for the longest time. But after our falling out, I realized she was way more fiend than ally. Yes, my husband’s normal-meter is straight-up-busted (and so is Ken’s) and there was a lot of messed up stuff in the past that made me cling to the hope & illusion of what “could” be. I was always the one who made all the efforts & gave all the favors. I bent over backwards for her, and I regret it all.
After the Christmas debacle & following days, Barbie realized that she didn’t have my undying support / approval of her recent life-choices. She came over to my house & ambushed me while my husband was at his parents doing his best to explain the terrible situation to them & why Christmas was even more solemn than expected. (They knew part of the story but not all of it — and not all of which I’m divulging here). That megabitch said and later texted some of the most VILE, horrible things to me that I’ve ever heard or read. Things that were on par with what she said & texted to our MIL.
But somehow.. my MIL is apparently back on cordial terms with that piece of trash. Joe & I know that she’s been desperate to be back in communication with Ken… but at what cost? I love my MIL (even if I don’t always like her or her decisions), and she’s still very new to being a widow. So she still gets unlimited grace as far as I’m concerned.
That said, it still sucks.
Thank you, void for letting me vent into you.
[* = names changed, duh.]

1. Hanukkah Ekphrasis:
   
   • Write an ekphrastic poem inspired by a piece of Hanukkah artwork, exploring the visual elements and infusing it with poetic interpretations of the holiday's themes.
2. Diwali Pantoum:
   
   • Construct a pantoum that reflects the cyclical nature of Diwali, interweaving verses to capture the rituals, lights, and familial warmth associated with the festival.
3. Kwanzaa Sestina:
   
   • Create a sestina that delves into the principles of Kwanzaa, allowing the repeated end words to echo the interconnectedness of the seven guiding principles.
4. Las Posadas Narrative Poem:
   
   • Craft a narrative poem that tells the story of Las Posadas, exploring the characters, their emotions, and the transformative power of reenacting the journey to Bethlehem.
5. St. Lucia's Day Rondeau:
   
   • Write a rondeau that captures the cyclical nature of St. Lucia's Day, emphasizing the themes of light, devotion, and the annual return of the festive traditions.
6. Winter Solstice Tanka:
   
   • Express the quiet beauty and contemplation of the Winter Solstice through a series of tanka, focusing on nature, reflection, and the promise of longer days.
7. Chinese New Year Found Poetry:
   
   • Create a found poem using excerpts from Chinese New Year traditions, incorporating elements from traditional greetings, myths, and customs to craft a poetic collage.
8. Ganna Ode:
   
   • Write an ode that celebrates the Ethiopian Christmas (Ganna), highlighting the spiritual significance, communal joy, and cultural richness of this festive occasion.
9. Oshogatsu Concrete Poem:
   
   • Experiment with a concrete poem that visually represents the symbolic elements of Oshogatsu, using the arrangement of words to evoke the essence of the New Year celebration.
10. Global Celebrations Haiku Sequence:
    
    • Develop a sequence of haikus that encapsulate the spirit of global holiday celebrations, drawing on diverse imagery and cultural elements to create a mosaic of poetic snapshots.

I am looking for a lady between 25 and 35 years old, for a committed monogamous childfree relationship. My goal is to become a true team, supporting each other, caring for each other, nurturing each other and helping each other grow and realise our goals and dreams as much as possible. I'm hoping to find someone that values a relationship as much as I do and takes it seriously. It's not the only thing my life revolves around, but it's also not just something 'nice to have' for me.
I am 186cm tall, slim/fit built, dark brown hair, brown eyes. Both my arms are tattooed (full sleeve), as are my calves and the areas above my ankles. Regarding pictures see below. I am a runner, training multiple times a week. I'm also vegan. My love languages are physical touch and words of affirmation. While I am mostly securely attached, withdrawing from me triggers anxiety and I have made a horrible experience with an avoidant partner in the past, so that is something I fear I cannot deal with again.
I am also an atheist.
I am a very warm, soft and sensitive person, I think I am humorous, I am self reflecting a lot and I can also be really passionate and romantic. Those are traits that also are really important to me in a woman.
I can be quite social, I am a good talker, but also love to listen to really get to know someone on a deeper level. I can enjoy an evening out with friends just as much as the silence of sitting at the shores of the river and watching the sunset in solitude (although I've been craving to watch it together with a partner for a really long time now). I can be out in a pub, at a rave, a metal show or at a football game and have the time of my life, but I cannot do these things every day; I need recharge time (on the sofa, in the woods for a run, a lazy Sunday staying in bed etc.). This should give you an idea; basically, I am a homebody that thoroughly enjoys going out in moderation.
I won't say too much about hobbies; suffice it to say I am into the dark, the obscure, the macabre, the occult, the mysterious, the erotic. It won't surprise you that I had a gothic phase in my youth, bonus points if you did too!
What I'm looking for
Although similar hobbies and interests are a plus, emotional and intimate compatibility are more important to me. I am a very sensitive and emotional person (I do cry easily and by this point I don't think I'll ever be able to change that, sorry), so if you're too, we will definitely understand each other. I need someone who I can open up to (which I do rather quickly, anyway), be myself, bare my soul to and I need these things from you, too. I've had my share of emotionally unavailable women who were afraid of intimacy so I know I can't deal with that again because of the way how those things affect me. I am always emotionally invested with the woman I pursue and in those cases that was to my detriment. But my ability to feel so deep is also something I wouldn't want to change because as of yet, although it's getting harder, I haven't given up on finding someone.
With those emotional needs come two requirements that I found to be vital over the years: First, being able to be silly and cutesy together and to accept each other's inner child and care for it. I am not talking about having to deal with another person's immaturity or inability to perform basic adult skills, rather with the way sadness, hurt, anxiety and being overwhelmed manifests for me (and maybe for you, too?). I need someone who is able to comfort me, to hold me, to allow me to be weak and needy for a while until I've calmed down, and I'm more than ready to offer the same. Your inner child can come out for a while, no problem (: Also in a positive way: Thankfully, today everyone seems to be understanding of the cuteness overload cats (or any animal baby, really) can cause; I need that with a partner. I also still have plushies as comfort animals and ideally, you do too.
Apparently in every relationship, one person is the stronger one. In the past, I have been with women who obviously were stronger than me, but that doesn't mean they always had to be strong, far from it. I certainly need to be able to feel protected, but it's not like I'm a particularly needy partner, like everyone, I have my ups and downs, but I can pull my weight and have been told by past partners that I am very caring and that they felt safe and understood with me, and providing that for my partner is really important for me as well.
Second, intimate compatibility. I am rather insatiable and love to experiment when it comes to the bedroom, so you should, too, in order that we can explore and enjoy together. I found out how fulfilling living out those fantasies can be after years of never being able to try and in a relationship, this kind of fulfillment for both partners is a must for me. I found the term 'filthy best friends and partners' to be a perfect description.
I'm looking for a balance between healthy independence and being emotionally present. A relationship where we 'get' each other; we're both each other's number one and treat each other like royalty. Where a disagreement leads to more intimacy between us as we understand better, not to resentment. Where we're comfortable baring our souls to each other, becoming a safe haven and secure base for each other. I don't like the modern notion that you 'should never feel too safe in a relationship' because that sounds like running from the mafia (and believe me, I love mafia movies); you should always put in effort, yes, but safety is one of the things I always want to experience and provide in a relationship. We shouldn't fear that a disagreement leads straight to breakup. I know ‘self-sufficiency’ is trending right now, but I feel like as partners, we’re partly responsible for each other and not our own but also each other’s happiness. Being dependant and dependable at the same time is important; making each other’s wellbeing a priority. If you’re not able to healthily depend on someone and their support while you’re having a hard time, look elsewhere. If I have to be afraid you’ll run at the first major problem that surfaces, even if it’s a ‘you’-problem, it’s not going to work. I think that all things can and need to be talked about. If you think ignoring someone for days is a form of communication, please look elsewhere.
I am looking for someone real. We all have our problems, I don't want or need a 'perfect' person. You don't have everything figured out or 'all your shit' together. Be imperfect. Admit when you feel sad and angry, lonely, hopeless or even helpless – it's all relatable. Don't hide it. Be quirky, be dorky, be witchy, opinionated, be yourself. Don't pretend.
I'm looking for someone to share romance with. Not great gestures, but small, meaningful ones. Poems for each other, expressing our feelings; cards with heartfelt messages that we put our perfume/cologne on, and a symbol that means something to us only, the print of your lips with lipstick, the way I sign and seal my letters for you.
Just as important to me is agreeing on living a healthy life, staying in shape both for ourselves and for each other, regularly working out and eating healthy. I am drug and disease-free and expect the same of you. I do drink as I love a good beer or glass of wine, rum or whiskey, but I've never really been drinking much and especially during the past year have further reduced it. One vice I have is that I enjoy a couple of cigars a year, but I can definitely accommodate you in this regard.
Another important point is aligned life goals: I value safety more than adventure. I want to build a home together with my partner, a safespace for the both of us, where we always feel loved and protected, a place that we create together, make it cozy together so we just love to get back home there wherever we might have been, a home we decorate together for Halloween (my favourite holiday) or Christmas or Springtime, as we live in tune with the seasons, enjoying nature on a walk or the rain outside, reading in our cozy home. I value stability and harmony.
Appearance-wise, I am into ladies on the smaller side), so I'm looking for someone petite/slim/skinny/healthy-fit. Likewise, I am not really muscular and don't have visible abs; like I said, I'm a runner, so if you're more into the gym-type, I'm not a good fit.
I’d prefer to move from text to voice calls, videochat and then meeting up, all of that rather sooner than later. Not that there’s a need to rush anything, but I’d rather see earlier if we’re compatible or not; as someone who catches feelings fast I need to protect myself.
Caveats

• I don't like travelling as it stresses me out; I don't mind being somewhere else for a week or two, but the organisation part of it drains my energy very quickly and dealing with stuff that doesn't work out is overwhelming to me. Smaller trips are ok, but I'm not the right person to travel the world with.
  
• I am not the most awake person in the morning (i.e. I identify as nightowl)
  
• I don't want children and had a vasectomy
  
• I need space for my own projects/time to recharge after social interaction.
  
• While I feel like I am in tune with my inner child and working on/with it through therapy, I realise this is something that could be a turn-off for people.
  
• I have been diagnosed with depressive episodes in the past and am taking anti-depressants right now. I realise that I am a work in progress, maybe more so than in times past, but I manage and the fact that I'm putting myself out here is based on me being ready to get to know someone new.
  
• I want to create a home together here, as I'm firmly rooted where I was born; I realise this is a lot to ask, but I have seen many people here being open to moving, so I want to at least try reaching out to them.
  

If you're interested, feel free to message me and include some pictures of yourself and I will reply with my own. Have a nice day (:

I need to know, and this is a throwaway for reasons that will soon be clear. I cannot risk my family or classmates finding this post, although my parents will recognize this easily.
The reason I ask is because I want to mention two situations very quickly while I have time. On Christmas, after opening presents, my dad came back home in a bad mood and called me to clean the dog, and I shouted "Yeah?" when called like ALWAYS before. He demanded "Yes, dad" and when I questioned why, he got mad and pulled me, and I shouted "Merry Christmas" sarcasticly as I found the situation hilarious in some twisted way. He then took all my devices and demanded an apology, and when I pointed out the randomness, he said he tolerated the disrespect all this time. He said just because its Jesus's birthday doesn't mean anything special, which is absolutely wild to me (This may be personal but I believe Jesus is the one taking care of me in these situations)
I spent the day sleeping, going on one device they secretly forgot to confiscate, and doing chores, and eventually my dad said I was not allowed to sleep until I apologized. I pulled an all nighter two weeks before for a school project, and considering I got 18 hours of sleep that day, I agreed. My mother forced me to apologize at like one in the morning as I was gonna get hit if I didn't, and my dad reminded me that we aren't equals and that I better listen. I was also prohibited from going bowling with my friends three days later, but at least I got my stuff back that day, although I find myself dreading Christmas this year. On the bright side, I couldn't sleep, so I stayed up until five in the morning online on that device watching YouTube and scrolling Twitter and Reddit, which is a very fond memory of mine now given the peace and quiet. But was I justified or should I have apologized?
That in combination with the events of 2023 after I turned 15 absolutely destroyed my mental health, so yesterday (May 11) I didn't want my 16th birthday to be celebrated. I never shared this reason because previous attempts failed miserably, as they are the type of people who can NEVER accept they are in the wrong, although I told my parents I didn't want anything the week before, but I was told I had to given that I was leaving soon. My parents came in at midnight singing Happy Birthday but I wasn't having it, so I asked them to leave me alone and said I didn't like the singing. Not even three minutes after I turn 16 my dad slaps the back of my head sending me to the floor, saying I made mom breakdown crying, taking all my devices and saying I was grounded indefinitely, and to immediately brush my teeth and go to sleep.
As I was going to bed, he called me a narcissist and said he has two years to fix me. I find it ironic given three days ago they admitted in an argument that they were trying to mold me according to THEIR values, and painted themselves as victims of me, my teenage brain, and outside influence like the internet and school. He demanded to be called sir (I KNOW he got that idea from Young Sheldon as he seemed to enjoy that scene like a kid watching Cocomelon, and he said in near verbatim what was said on the show) and to not speak so I don't "spew more hate," and to clean my room.
So today several 100+ day streaks on Snapchat died, and I assume they found my private messages of me venting to my best friend as privacy is a privilege and not a right, and I am lucky I am allowed to close my door, so I probably am stuck on this device again for a while, unless it is confiscated too (they will recognize me if they see this post)
I was not allowed to attend a mandatory orientation for my summer job, so unless I go on the 24th I am done. They always hold things like that and friend gatherings over my head while talking about how they are so much better than their parents. I also gotta hope nobody misses me or brings up my birthday, as now I am dreading 17 and lying when asked how my birthday was. I am also not allowed to sleep until I am granted permission each night.
I don't plan on caring much for mother's day, and if I still am for whatever reason faced with a cake as promised it will take all my self control not to yeet it off the table. I wanna know if I'm a bad person, they are, or the three of us are.
And also, when I grow up I wanna travel on my birthday and Christmas on my own to make up for lost time. If I am innocent, got any suggestions? God bless you all, and if my parents are reading, I am bound to escape one day.