How to get gangster letters on myspace

How To Get There (Philippines)

2018.04.11 17:14 epikotaku How To Get There (Philippines)

Ask the community and get the right directions wherever you like to go: Jeepneys, buses, tricycles, trains, UVs, and more!
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2018.09.12 02:33 MasterOfTrolls4 Chonkers

http://redd.it/1476ioa
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2012.10.03 15:41 moddestmouse Where Men Can Live

MaleLivingSpace is dedicated to places where men can live. Here you can find posts discussing, showing, improving, and maintaining apartments, homes, domiciles, man caves, garages, and bungalows. https://www.theverge.com/2023/6/5/23749188/reddit-subreddit-private-protest-api-changes-apollo-charges
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2024.05.19 03:00 No-Exercise5869 Pick a Place! (Part 1)

That’s all it was. A game.
Something my friends and I used to play during the summer when we had nothing better to do. I never expected that it would get so out of hand.
I never expected it to come back long after recovery.
To anyone reading, please don’t do what I did.
I’m putting this out there to warn people.
On that warm summer evening, we played the role of Pandora.
Except, the monsters we released were far worse than what’s told in stories.
Because stories end.
And this doesn’t.
I still remember the date. July 16, 2013. I was an upcoming senior in high school while the others were getting prepared for their freshman year of college, raving on about their majors, life plans, dorms, you get the point. The summer had been bittersweet as those months would be the last I’d see them for a while. Because of this, Anthony, Lola, Eliza, and I would spend the bulk of our time together going to festivals and various camping trips, trying to make the most out of the summer while we could. On that day, the day I wish I could forget, Eliza had run late to one of our hangouts at my place. This was odd since as an Ivy league student, she was usually early or right on time to these kind of things. Half past three, we heard her knocking on my door rapidly, which was also out of character considering that she was usually the calm one in our group. A bit worried, I hurried down the stairs with Anthony and Lola following close behind, expecting Eliza to be in hysterics due to her frantic behavior. When I opened the door, however, there she was with a bright smile on her face, her red hair getting in the way of her eyes, which were a dark green shade. She pushed her hair out of her face with one hand and held a brown box in the other, and she was bouncing up and down as she usually does when she’s about to talk about something exciting.
“You’ll never believe what I found.” Eliza’s voice could barely hold her impatience as she stepped inside and kicked her shoes off once she crossed over my threshold.
“What’s up with you today?” Anthony questioned, looking more confused than concerned now.
“I’ll show you guys in a minute. Can we go up to your room, Felix?” Eliza looked over at me with her trademark smile, knowing damn well we were all too curious to just leave that box unopened. Without a word, I led the group up to my room and shut the door after everyone had walked in. Anthony took his usual spot on my beanbag and unzipped his hoodie, which had the MSM logo sprawled across the front in big red letters. He adjusted his dark rimmed glasses and took on his usual stoic expression. Lola wore a dark blue FIT shirt, which she revealed more of when she moved her locs over her shoulder as she sat on my desk chair and wheeled over to us. As she did, the various necklaces she wore clinked against each other. Eliza herself was the smartest out of the group, and probably in the whole school as well. She had gotten accepted into multiple prestigious schools, but ultimately settled for Harvard to pursue a degree in some obscure philanthropic career. Unlike Anthony and Lola, Eliza wore her regular outfit –usually a white tank top and jeans– and sat on my bed with the box in her lap. I took a seat next to her to get a closer look.
“So what’d you find?” The others moved closer.
“Something we probably haven’t thought about for a really long time. Do you guys remember that one game we used to play in middle school? The one we made after Felix joined our class?” Eliza looked at our puzzled faces to see if we had connected the dots, but her clue didn’t seem to strike any of us with familiarity.
“After Felix joined? Didn’t we just hang out or something that weekend?” Anthony questioned.
“We did, but there was something else,” Eliza raised an eyebrow, “you guys seriously don’t remember?”
At that moment, I saw Lola’s eyes light up and a thin smile grew on her lips, something she always did whenever she was able to figure something out.
“You mean that little map game we played? Where we would go out to the woods and explore?”
Both Anthony and I seemed to have remembered as well with the mention of a ‘map game.’ I chimed in, “ yeah I remember! Every once in a while when we were all bored, we’d pick a random spot on a map to go to and explore there for a bit, right? When did we stop doing that anyways? I remember really enjoying it.”
“Well life happens,” Eliza responded to me, “but I was thinking of things to do for the rest of the summer when I suddenly remembered that game! That’s why I was so late for our meetup today, I was looking through my attic for this.” Eliza shook the box slightly and a couple things clattered around inside.
“There’s no way.” Anthony sounded like he was in disbelief.
“You mean…?” Lola sat forward in the chair. Eliza smirked, her adventurous nature creeping out as realization swept over us like a wave.
“Mhm! I found the map we used to use as well as the things we collected from our little escapades.” With that, Eliza opened the box, revealing a folded piece of paper and various trinkets scattered over the bottom of the capsule. Lola squealed with excitement and immediately snatched the box from Eliza, who simply chuckled and leaned back on the bed.
“No way! Everything’s still in here!” Lola digged through the box and placed whatever objects she found across the blanket. Anthony got up and sat at the foot of my bed, to observe our findings more closely. There was a piece of some clay pottery, some rusty springs and scraps of metal, an old digital camera, and some other random stuff I can’t recall to memory right now. Anthony picked up a spring and turned it in his palm.
“Shit man, this is from that abandoned junkyard we found in 8th grade…that feels like such a long time ago now.”
I examined the piece of pottery with Eliza looking over my shoulder. Lola picked up the digital camera.
“Do you remember where this came from?” I turned to Eliza and held up my discovery.
“No clue,” she shrugged. It must have been a while ago if even she didn’t remember. I turned the piece over and grew curious when I saw weird symbols inscribed on the inside of it. I squinted a bit, trying to discern some sort of pattern within the scribbles.
I turned to Eliza again, “hey, what do you think-”
“OH MY GOD GUYS IT STILL WORKS!” Lola’s voice went up a whole octave as she motioned to us.
The rest of us looked up as she turned the camera to face us. There were various photos we went through. All of us at lakes, museums, exploring the woods; everything we did from 7th grade until my freshman year seemed to be documented. The last photo was arguable the best and msot bittersweet. It was a picture of the whole group from a while ago. We were sitting at Eliza’s dinner table with a giant chocolate cake on the middle of it adorned with two candles shaped like the numbers one and five. Eliza was talking to me in the photo. Her hair was even more red at the time and she wore it in a braid. I looked about the same in the photo as I did then, with light brown hair, blue eyes, and freckles scattered all over my body and face. I was smiling sheepishly at Eliza. I now knew why Anthony said it was obvious I had a crush on her in 8th grade. Lola went through the most changes out of all of us. At the time in the photo, she had her hair straightened and side-swept, with a bright pink streak in her bangs. She wore clunky jewlery and a frilly skirt underneath a long tank top, leaning over the table to cut another slice of cake. All of us had birthday hats on except for Anthony, who kept his sitting on the table. He held up a peace sign staring straight into the camera with a stoic expression. He looked like a statue compared to the rest of us, who were laughing and smiling. You could tell he was having fun, though.
“Well don’t you look like a ray of sunshine,” Lola snickered as Anthony shot her a dirty look.
“At least I didn’t go through some weird scene phase in freshman year,” He smiled and watched Lola’s face, knowing she was blushing despite her dark skin which made it practically invisible. I let a laugh slip out, but quickly stifled it knowing that if I kept going it would mean death. Lola side-eyed me and continued, “I was using my creative liberty to experiment with my options as an artist,” she said with an overly-posh accent that made Eliza laugh.
“Yeah Anthony, don’t be such a downer,” Eliza teased. Anthony simply rolled his eyes and suppressed a smile to pretend like he was mad at all of us. He looked into the box and picked up the paper we left, unfolding it with a hint of excitement and curiosity. When he looked at it, only two words came out of his mouth.
“Holy shit.”
“What, what is it?” Lola tried to look at the other side of the paper, but Anthony quickly held it out of her view.
“What if I didn’t want to show you?” A smile crept onto his face. This was one of those rare moments where he’d be in the moos to joke around with us.
“Don’t be a dick bro,” I said, laughing as I went to grab for the paper. Anthony just held it up in the air and pushed me off of him and I landed on my floor. While he was distracted, though, Eliza took her chance and snatched the paper right out of his hand.
“You boys need to learn to be nice,” she warned in her jokingly stern voice as she unfolded the paper and spread it out onto my bed. We all leaned over to look.
It was a map of a couple towns including ours. There were around ten small star stickers placed on different areas on the map near the streets the four of us lived in. On the top of the map, a couple words were scrawled in black sharpie; “Pick a Place!” I could see everyone’s faces light up.
“Oh my god it’s our map!” Lola shouted and pointed to one of the stars near her street, “this was where we found that old junkyard right?”
Eliza smiled, “I remember that. It feels like such a long time ago now.” She pointed to another star, “and this is where we found that lake we made a hideout of. I still remember swimming in there in 8th grade…”
The four of us reminisced for a while, talking about where we had gone and what we did there, and how impressive it was that we didn’t get tetanus from that junkyard. After nearly an hour of conversation, Eliza asked something that made all of us stop.
“So how about it guys? Do you want to do one last round before the summer ends?”
The rest of us looked around at each other. It was clear we all wanted to do it. Eliza seemed to catch on and she nodded.
“Who wants to pick where we go?”
“How about you do the honors?” Lola suggested, motioning towards the map. “You’re the one that brought this stuff in anyways.”
Eliza raised her eyebrow but didn’t object. Without a word, she examined the map for a few minutes, then placed her finger on one spot a bit far from my house.
“How about here?”
“You think we can make it that far?” Anthony asked.
“Well, we can drive now so why not?”
“You sure there’s some type of trail we can drive on? That spot looks pretty deep in the woods”
“We can find a path to drive on for a bit then walk the rest of the way. C’mon guys, this is probably our last chance to do something like this! Felix, you can drive right?”
Eliza and the rest turned to me with a hopeful expression. I had to comply.
“Sure. No big deal, right?”
All three of them cheered and high fived each other, looking pretty excited to go on one last adventure.
“So when do we leave?” I questioned.
Eliza flashed that smile again, “right now.”
“Right now?!”
“Hell yeah,” Lola chimed in. “It shouldn’t take that long, right?”
“I guess…” Even then I felt uneasy about the whole thing. I didn’t feel prepared enough to go on some random trip into the woods. I needed to pack food, water, flashlights, I had no idea how long this was going to take. Little did I know that those things would be the least of my worries a couple hours from then. I wish I could go back and convince my 17-year-old self that it wasn’t worth it, that I should just convince my friends to stay and talk for the rest of the day. I wish Eliza had never remembered that stupid game. In a way, I’m almost mad at her for what happened, but I know it wasn’t anyones fault. We just wanted to have fun. I wish we could’ve just had fun. But God had a different plan for us. One that made me think Satan himself devised it instead. On July 16, 2013, Anthony He, Lola Smith, Eliza Landserson, and Felix Johanson went on an adventure that none of them were ready for.
Author's Note:
If you just read all of that then thank you so so so much for doing so! I'm a rookie writer, so feel free to comment any constructive criticism you might have if you have actual writing experience! This is the first silly little story I'm posting here, so I hope you enjoyed :)
submitted by No-Exercise5869 to u/No-Exercise5869 [link] [comments]

2024.05.19 02:58 adulting4kids Emotional One Page Stories

Use these to draft one page short stories that can be used to give life to emotional reactions.
  1. How do you feel when you find out your favorite book has a sequel?
    1. Describe the emotion when you receive a surprise gift from a friend.
    2. What emotions arise when you lose a game you were really looking forward to winning?
    3. Share the feelings you experience on the first day of a new school year.
    4. How do you react when you have to speak in front of the class unexpectedly?
    5. Describe the mix of emotions when you meet a new friend for the first time.
    6. What's your emotional response when you get a good grade on a test you studied hard for?
    7. Express your feelings when you have to apologize to someone.
    8. How does it feel when you successfully solve a challenging puzzle or riddle?
    9. Describe the emotions when you witness an act of kindness in your school.
    10. Share your reaction when your parents surprise you with a fun outing.
    11. How do you feel when you receive a compliment from a teacher?
    12. Express the emotions when you face a fear and overcome it.
    13. Describe the mix of emotions when your best friend moves away.
    14. How does it feel when you achieve a personal goal you've been working on?
    15. Share your emotional response when you receive constructive criticism.
    16. What are your feelings when you have to say goodbye to someone you care about?
    17. Describe the emotions when you create something artistic that you're proud of.
    18. How do you react when you encounter a challenge you've never faced before?
    19. Express the feelings when you win a competition against your classmates.
    20. What emotions arise when you have to admit you made a mistake?
    21. Share your reaction when you successfully make someone else laugh.
    22. How do you feel when you see someone being unfairly treated?
    23. Describe the mix of emotions when you receive recognition for your hard work.
    24. Express your feelings when you have to confront a difficult situation.
    25. How does it feel when you help someone who is struggling?
    26. Share your emotional response when you receive a genuine apology.
    27. What are your feelings when you witness an act of generosity in your community?
    28. Describe the emotions when you receive unexpected praise from a peer.
    29. How do you react when you experience a moment of pure joy?
    30. Express the feelings when you have to deal with a disappointment.
    31. Share your reaction when you successfully navigate a new environment.
    32. What emotions arise when you make a new friend during a group activity?
    33. Describe the mix of emotions when you have to share something important with others.
    34. How do you feel when you achieve a milestone in a personal project?
    35. Express your feelings when you have to confront a situation that makes you nervous.
    36. How does it feel when you receive support from unexpected sources?
    37. Share your emotional response when you witness an act of bravery.
    38. What are your feelings when you receive constructive feedback on your creative work?
    39. Describe the emotions when you discover a new hobby that you love.
    40. How do you react when you have to face a rule or consequence you disagree with?
    41. Express the feelings when you overcome a physical challenge or obstacle.
    42. Share your reaction when you meet someone who shares your interests.
    43. What emotions arise when you have to work in a group and contribute your ideas?
    44. How do you feel when you witness an act of perseverance in someone else?
    45. Describe the mix of emotions when you learn a valuable lesson from a mistake.
    46. Express your feelings when you receive encouragement from a mentor.
    47. How does it feel when you are asked to take on a leadership role?
    48. Share your emotional response when you make amends with someone after a disagreement.
    49. What are your feelings when you have to adapt to a sudden change in plans?
    50. Describe the emotions when you receive unexpected assistance from a classmate.
    51. How do you react when you have to share your personal achievements with others?
    52. Express the feelings when you successfully navigate a social situation.
    53. Share your reaction when you find out your favorite activity is canceled.
    54. What emotions arise when you have to admit you need help with something?
    55. Describe the mix of emotions when you receive positive feedback from a teacher.
    56. How do you feel when you are chosen for a special role or task?
    57. Express your feelings when you witness an act of fairness in a game or competition.
    58. How does it feel when you learn something new that challenges your perspective?
    59. Share your emotional response when you have to comfort a friend in need.
    60. What are your feelings when you participate in a community service project?
    61. Describe the emotions when you receive recognition for your kindness towards others.
    62. How do you react when you have to navigate a situation where you feel misunderstood?
    63. Express the feelings when you successfully resolve a conflict with a friend.
    64. Share your reaction when you discover a hidden talent or skill.
    65. What emotions arise when you have to stand up for what you believe in?
    66. How do you feel when you experience a moment of gratitude towards someone else?
    67. Describe the mix of emotions when you have to say goodbye to a beloved pet.
    68. Express your feelings when you overcome a fear and try something new.
    69. How does it feel when you receive support during a challenging time?
    70. Share your emotional response when you witness an act of sportsmanship.
    71. What are your feelings when you participate in a team-building activity?
    72. Describe the emotions when you have to navigate a situation where you feel left out.
    73. How do you react when you receive constructive criticism from a peer?
    74. Express the feelings when you successfully complete a long-term project.
    75. Share your reaction when you witness an act of environmental stewardship.
    76. What emotions arise when you have to cope with the loss of a valuable possession?
    77. How do you feel when you are entrusted with a responsibility by a teacher?
    78. Describe the mix of emotions when you participate in a cultural exchange activity.
    79. Express your feelings when you help organize a surprise for someone else.
    80. How does it feel when you receive unexpected encouragement from a family member?
    81. Share your emotional response when you witness an act of compassion in your community.
    82. What are your feelings when you have to navigate a situation where you feel underestimated?
    83. Describe the emotions when you receive a heartfelt letter or note from a friend.
    84. How do you react when you have to confront a situation where you feel pressured?
    85. Express the feelings when you successfully teach someone a new skill.
    86. Share your reaction when you witness an act of creativity in your school.
    87. What emotions arise when you have to cope with the end of a school year?
    88. How do you feel when you participate in a group project and everyone contributes?
    89. Describe the mix of emotions when you receive an unexpected apology.
    90. Express your feelings when you successfully negotiate a compromise with a friend.
    91. How does it feel when you discover a new way to express yourself creatively?
    92. Share your emotional response when you witness an act of selflessness.
    93. What are your feelings when you have to navigate a situation where you feel proud of yourself?
    94. Describe the emotions when you receive positive feedback for your efforts.
    95. How do you react when you have to face a situation where you feel out of place?
submitted by adulting4kids to writingthruit [link] [comments]

2024.05.19 02:49 skyhighauckland Are you feed up with the cost of US-China flights? Write to your Congressional rep with this handy suggested letter

I can't believe what I'm paying to fly to China to see family now. I composed the following letter. Take from it what you will, modify to fit your own personal circumstances, and send to your local rep.

Dear Congresswoman/man [INSERT NAME],

I write to request that your urge the Biden Administration to disregard airline lobbying to restrict flights between the US and China. The Associated Press reported (April 11, 2024), "US airlines ask the Biden administration not to approve additional flights between the US and China". The lobbying is anti-competitive and causes hardship for consumers like my family.
Prior to the pandemic, there were more than 300 flights per week between the US and China (2), and one could get a nonstop round trip ticket from Los Angeles to Shanghai for around $1000. Right now, the Biden Administration maintain a covid-era policy of restricted flights between China and the US (1), long after the pandemic is over. There are now fewer than 100 flights (a maximum of 50 for each Chinese and American carriers), and as a result, a non-stop flight on the same route costs $2487. To get from [MY LOCAITON] to Shanghai round-trip with one stop in San Francisco also costs [INSERT COST. SEE https://www.google.com/travel/flights].
We are a family of three, and my wife hasn't seen her family since prior to the pandemic, so the costs pose a significant hardship to us. [REPLACE WITH YOUR OWN COMPELLING CIRCUMSTANCES] Ultimately our hard-earned money has gone to pay for a long indirect route to China via a foreign carrier in an intermediate country--South Korea, in this instance--because booking one of the very limited number of direct US-China flights by US carriers is too costly for us. [TELL THEM HOW YOUR MONEY IS BEING SPENT ON FOREIGN FLIGHTS ANYWAY]
US airlines lobbying the administration to restrict flights complain about an unfair advantage by Chinese carriers as they can fly over Russia (3). This is not true of new flights the US have approved or could approve, as the FAA has quite sensibly required all new flights (including Chinese carrier flights to the US) should avoid Russian airspace (2). Lobbyists also complain that "Chinese airlines enjoying certain protections stemming from the Chinese airline’s relationships with their government". Such vague objections cannot be taken seriously and can't justify the continued freeze on numbers of flights between the US and China. Ultimately, it appears that US airline lobbying is an effort to restrict foreign competition by Chinese carriers, who appear to be more able to resume flights than US carriers.
I would respectfully request that you convey to the Biden Administration that airline lobbying hurts consumers like [ME/MY FAMILY/MY COMMUNITY]. That lobbying should be resisted, and the Administration should continue to relax flight restrictions and move towards pre-pandemic levels of flight permits for US and Chinese carriers flying between the US and China.
Best regards
[YOUR NAME HERE]
(1) https://apnews.com/article/us-airlines-china-flights-biden-administration-2071e9ef88956e0e550cb95d1ca73527 (2) https://www.usnews.com/news/world/articles/2023-06-01/chinese-airlines-avoiding-russian-airspace-in-new-u-s-flights (3) https://www.airlines.org/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/Coalition-China-Letter.pdf
submitted by skyhighauckland to China [link] [comments]

2024.05.19 02:39 whackyhack DTS:X v Dolby Atmos: Lost in Translation?

IMAX enhanced Queen Rock Montreal on Disney+ renewed my curiosity in different recording standards. But I am unsure what I am hearing. So, help me out.
My streaming device is Hisense U8K, sound bar is M512a-H6. EQ is Direct. The first time DTS:X version became available, Disney+ helpfully asked if I wanted to switch to that audio track. I switched. The sound was impressive. (As another redittor noted, M512a indicates DTS Surround.) But I am not familiar with the material. (Nor am I familiar with live concert format.) So, I turn DTS:X on and off, scrub back and compare. When DTS:X is off, the sound track is in Dolby Atmos, Disney+'s best offer before May 15.
This gives me the impression that the Atmos track has lower sound level, and less impressive. Lacking equipment to calibrate sound level makes it very difficult to really compare. I experimented by turning volume up when DTS:X was off, then turning volume down with DTS:X on. In all, I could not get the same rumbling sound in Atmos as in DTS:X.
Then, I tried Thor: Ragnarok. With this, the Atmos track is in the same level as the DTS:X track, and I cannot hear much difference.
My big question is, then: Is the difference I hear in Queen Rock Montreal because of the dynamic range in original recordings that Dolby Atmos cannot reproduce, or is it because the producer did not pay enough attention in the Atmos track? (Or worse, could it be that I am tricked into feeling less impressed with the Atmos track merely because of the sound level difference, like the lack of difference in Thor: Ragnarok would have implied? Not only am I not an audiophile, but also how faithful M512a can deliver these sounds is always a question.)
I cued up two more live concert films, Taylor Swift: The Eras Tour and Happier than Ever: A Love Letter to Los Angeles, both in Dolby Atmos. The Swift concert sounded quite like the Atmos track of the Queen concert. But the Eilish concert sounded very much like the DTS:X track of the Queen concert. The latter has full orchestra. Maybe that makes sound engineers more conscious about dynamic range? (The Eilish sound is better even when orchestra is not playing.)
submitted by whackyhack to VIZIO_Official [link] [comments]

2024.05.19 02:37 ImportanceLanky4675 How would you act if your (42f) sister was talking trash about you (24f) to your family?

Hello everyone,
Im coming to this Reddit because I’m honestly not sure how to handle this situation. It honestly makes me very sad and I feel like I’ve moved on and just want to move on with my life but my sister likes to drag me into drama.
For backstory I lived with my sister when I was 15. I slept on the couch and my mom slept in the spare bedroom. We had to move in there because we lost the house after my mom’s very messy and abusive divorce. I had been neglected for years at that point since I was 10 and my sister started to take care of me more than my mom had the time to. Which I loved at the time. She bought me clothes, spent time with me, etc. well after a few months she became less kind and more controlling. I was essentially the Cinderella of the household, needed to get straight As. She would scream at me if I dirtied a dish and if I let my shoulders show she would tell me to go pray to God. I had to memorize bible verses that were posted on my wall and recite them to her Etc.
I eventually became so stressed out I lost a ton of weight and was throwing up from so much anxiety. I also got my period twice a month from stress. I felt like I was always going to get yelled at or grounded; she really got in my head. To the point where I wasn’t allowed to talk to my mother alone, she would always be there to make sure I didn’t say I needed help. My mom noticed something was up and always would tell me we can leave if I want but I was always scared. Eventually it got to the point where I could swear my sister could tell what I was thinking. Looking back I was just very manipulated.
After dating my boyfriend (now Husband) for a while I realized I felt at peace at his family’s house. His parents were kind and I felt safe. I realized what I was going through really wasn’t normal so I told my mom I couldn’t take it anymore and I just wanted my sister to be my sister. My sister kicked me out at 17, told my mom she didn’t have to leave but I did. My mom and I moved into my friends bottom floor and rented a room. I eventually moved out on my own after I graduated and went to college etc. Also my sister sent me demand letters asking for $5k for the time she spent taking care of me and buying me food and clothes. The last I spoke with her I was saying I’m sorry and I hope we can still get along but she sent me lots of “F U” emails afterward asking for money.
Fast forward to now. I’ve been doing well, I’m married, we both have decent jobs and I’m very happy in life and I don’t think much about my past unless my mom or other sister brings it up. My husband and I are very in love after 8 years (total) of being together and enjoy traveling.
Anyway my sister 42f apparently talks about me to my other sister 32f and essentially hates me. My sister 32f told me today my 42f sister has been telling the whole family that I’m terrible and my husband is controlling etc. which gives me anxiety because honestly I don’t want to lose more family nor do I want to be seen as unkind. I’m trying not to stress about it because I don’t want to feel sick but it’s just hard. I have my grandmothers funeral coming up and it really sucks feeling anxious going to it and seeing her while also knowing others may hate me too. Any advice on how I should handle this?
submitted by ImportanceLanky4675 to relationship_advice [link] [comments]

2024.05.19 02:36 some-guy124 35M and 31F are going "no contact" for three months; can I break this to request that she not sleep with ONE person in particular?

My ex GF (31F) and I (35M) are on a "break," meaning that we're doing a 3 month no contact period after which we'll touch base and see where each other's heads are at.
TLDR: my girlfriend of four and a half years and I are going on a break and won't contact each other for three months, we'll touch base then and see where both of our heads are at. There's one person I really hope she doesn't sleep with during that time, but I'm afraid that, number 1, she doesn't know how important that is for me, and that she'd wished I'd told her before she did it because I'm afraid I wouldn't be able to recover, and I'm afraid I'll DEEPLY DEEPLY regret not having told her.
We were together for four and a half years. She had things she wasn't happy about with our relationship, but she was ready to move forward with an engagement and having a family. I was on the fence, unable to commit, and so she asked me to move out.
We wrote each other letters in the day's after our break began, and the common denominator was that we both felt we've never loved each other more, or closer, or more well-understood than we did after all the tears and talks we had in our final 10-12 days living together.
I know I'm holding onto hope that we could work things out, and that we could move towards engagement and family, and I feel mostly-certain that she is too, though she's also expressed that she's felt hurt in ways that might be irreparable by some of what's gone on over the last few months of our time together.
Context first, then my question:
There's one person I was suspicious of her having slept with during a time that her and I were official or exclusive. She was adamant that she didn't sleep with him (though she would have been within her rights to do whatever she wanted), even though he comments on some of her photos sometimes, and I remember feeling strongly that she was acting a little awkward on the way to a party he was going to be at, and adamant then that she wasn't interested but that if anything she was going to introduce her sister to him (he's a few years younger). Side note - "I was going to hook my friend/sister up with him," feels like something every girl says to their partner about guys they secretly want.
I've never loved someone the way I love this person, in terms of the depth of our friendship and how tied we feel to each other, and I know she feels the same way, but it would ruin things for me to find out she'd slept with this guy during our time apart, and I've never been more scared of someone I love becoming someone I hate. There's something deep and profound about our friendship and connection and I'm deeply afraid of losing my ability to love her after feeling as betrayed as I'd feel from this. I feel like she should know that this would be a dagger to me, and not to do it, but I am also afraid that it's my fault for not communicating more clearly (because of how embarrassed I am to admit insecurities and vulnerabilities around jealousy, perhaps), and I'm wondering whether I should break our "no contact period" to ask that this one person be off limits, as it would feel tragic to both of us for what we have to be ruined this way. It won't be easy to think of her with other people, it'll sting like hell, but I could handle it, I just want this one person to be off limits.
Question: should I safeguard a potential future by breaking the no-contact to ask her please not to sleep with that one guy, or do I need to honor the no-contact and chance her doing something I don't know if I'd ever be able to recover from or forgive her for, and that she might wish I'd reached out about? That is, if you can take my word for it that she might also wish I'd told her how important this was to me.
I don't need anyone reminding me that I'm the one refusing to commit - I get that - and she's a grown, mature woman taking ownership of her journey, so nobody needs to protect her with their responses like she's a victim of anything because she certainly doesn't see herself that way.
submitted by some-guy124 to relationship_advice [link] [comments]

2024.05.19 02:25 Novel_Remove_5421 I need help being a normal person

This is not work related but has to do with my personal life. This is a burner account for obvious reasons with bad karma due to posting legal info in tenants rights subs which are trolled by landlords (my new hobby due to the situation explained below).
I am really struggling with having normal communications with my landlord due to my minimal, basic working knowledge of landlord tenant law in my jurisdiction and my landlords complete lack of understanding of these same rules. I do corporate transactional for work, so when I say basic knowledge I mean like basic knowledge I discovered via google.
Rental agreements are always annoying but generally I just agree to whatever inane stuff they include because my jurisdiction has clear rules on everything so it really doesn’t matter.
But i’m in a situation where my landlord has attempted to start the process to get me to move out of his property and it is OFF THE RAILS. I say “attempted” because he sent me some notice form that in no way, shape or form requires me to move out but he seems to think it’s an order or something. He keeps sending me progressively hostile emails about how I’m “violating” the “terms” and I’m not “complying” with the arbitrary date in the notice which he wants me to move out by which I’m realizing he thinks is like an eviction date.
I live in a jurisdiction with strong tenant rights laws and very clear processes for ending a tenancy but he seems to not have familiarized himself with them at all prior to becoming a landlord. Which is surprising to me because he’s like a senior VP of an international company. So I genuinely expected more from him.
I didn’t actually even realize he was so uninformed until yesterday when he sent me some deranged email asking me to sign some landlord’s application form that doesn’t have anything to do with the tenant. Like, it doesn’t even have a signature line on which I could sign even if I wanted to.
I guess the thing is…he is being really mean and aggressive in his emails. They are super hostile but also entirely out of touch with reality. It’s causing me a ton of stress and upset and I’m struggling to just “let it go”. It’s making me feel uncomfortable in my own home. And it’s entirely due to the fact that he is grossly uninformed. Like he seems to think I am really fucking him over by not moving out on the date he selected even though I have been bending over backwards to be a normal, reasonable person and try to find a new place since he wants his property back ALL WHILE I HAVE HAD ZERO OBLIGATION TO DO SO. like I have literally been working with him out of the good of my heart, yet he is so confused on the process that he thinks I am being a total asshole.
This is all to say, I don’t know how to be a normal person in this situation anymore. My work brain says to stop communicating with him but my personal brain needs to tell him he’s super dumb and the reason he’s unhappy is entirely due to his own lack of understanding. So I start drafting replies to him based on my personal urge to tell him this but then my work brain takes over and l’m basically writing a work letter explaining how he has the law wrong. I don’t want to be my own client.
What would you do? Would you write him a letter telling him he’s severely confused? Do I just ignore him and not engage because it’s so dumb? At this point there is not any kind of legal issue because he has botched the process so bad, it’s literally just an interpersonal issue where I’m being emailed by someone who is acting like a total asshole.
What would a normal person do here? Help me.
submitted by Novel_Remove_5421 to Lawyertalk [link] [comments]

2024.05.19 02:25 Mellodramatical He reached out again and again. So confused

He reached out, I called , we talked and it went nowhere. I sent a message saying he is choosing drugs over everything and running away and until that changes we shouldn’t speak. Then he writes back a three page text about how that’s why he left, to protect me because I deserve better , that he is so unwell etc etc I write back again that he is worth it but only if he chooses to get clean and learn to ask for help and otherwise to please let me grieve . 1am I get another message , telling me he is on ketamine and won’t hurt another person and that there’s always a chance of relapse even when he tries and tells me he has sent me a song to explain better .
Like what the hell, I send a letter, you respond, I call and you said to leave you alone , I accept it finally and you message, I again reaffirm that it’s your choices and to leave me alone then and you message again ? I feel like it’s a cry for help but he can’t face it, I feel like he keeps trying to “explain” but pepper in how he is dying without me and I’m the love of his life but the back to feeling sorry for himself
submitted by Mellodramatical to ExNoContact [link] [comments]

2024.05.19 02:24 LibraryGullible4679 Sibling is facing foreclosure, frustrating circumstances... how should I help?

Throwaway account. Genuinely, this is my sibling's situation, not mine. Much of the 'story' of this is what the sibling related to me. Sibling has had financial issues in the past. This may belong in FinancialAdvice, but I sense things may beyond money fixing...
Sibling is in Alabama, I am in Georgia.
Sibling is self employed in a profession that involves taking many direct payments, and uses Square to accept those payments. Sibling purchased a home in August of last year. They claim that they [attempted] to use Square to make the mortgage payments, however apparently the mortgage company never actually accepted them. Sibling and their spouse apparently ignored many letters before realizing the situation and were months past due. Between them and the mortgage company, it was finally realized the failure to make/accept via Square, so Sibling began the process of getting the money back from Square and succeeded.
Sibling apparently also banks with a non-mainstream online-only bank, so then getting the funds from Square to that bank was a process. The mortgage company apparently told Sibling that they HAD to overnight a cashiers at the time she was finally in possession of the funds. They get online bank to increase withdrawal/ATM limits, and over the course of several days they get the cash in hand... at this point I'm just going to round the amount to 15 thousand dollars.
Sibling takes cash to local, mainstream brick-and-mortar bank they have a car note with and get a cashiers check, takes that to FedEx, and send check and paperwork as instructed.
It takes two weeks for the mortgage company to come back and say "Got your FedEx envelop - and the paperwork - but no check." Commence cashiers check cancellation process... money is locked up for 90 days according to brick-and-mortar bank.
1-2 weeks later, the foreclosure notice is in the newspaper and they're getting notice of foreclosure. (Don't ask me what notices they've gotten or ignored, I'm aware these things don't happen overnight.) I would have thought all this is was a scam if I didn't find the notice in the newspaper myself.
Courthouse steps sale is in 10 days.
I am liquid enough to help my sibling - I've known about the situation for 48 hours at this point. After the initial story from my sibling, my spouse and I slept on the situation and decided that if there was something we could do, we should do it...
I asked sibling "If a wire or ACH could happen today, would it solve this problem." They waited until the end of the day to call/text me back (they were working, maybe I didn't imply strongly enough that I was willing to make a payment). That was Friday. Little/no contact since then from sibling.
So, I have two areas of questions:
  1. What do you think the options for my siblings actually are at this point? The mortgage company has referred the whole thing to Brock and Scott for the foreclosure, and with them involved, it's not clear to me whether a payment is possible at this point, who it would be to, a deadline, etc... (Not that I'm trying to get directly involved). Apparently bankruptcy is an option to stop foreclosure? If the story is true, perhaps they could even exit bankruptcy before it's complete?
  2. If I do help my sibling, are there logical safeguards I should put in place? Some form of written agreement? Do you have recommendations on how to go about this? I want to verify the status of the cashiers check cancellation and that that money IS coming back, and if possible or logical draw up an actual contract with my sibling about this (if that's a logical thing to do?)
I greatly appreciate any input you may have. (including if it is just a statement of direct advice to my sibling of 'Go get an attorney.')
I have redacted some known details or minutiae for the sake of length of this post. Happy to fill in any gaps I have knowledge of.
submitted by LibraryGullible4679 to legaladvice [link] [comments]

2024.05.19 02:22 jakemar5 Questions and theories through Oathbringer

I just finished Oathbringer and am fully invested in figuring out all of the intricate details of this series that has quickly become my new obsession. I’ve loved diving into the lore and seeing how our characters have been handling growing through their serious brokenness. Just wanted to post a lot of my thoughts, ideas, and questions here. Please let me know if any of these can be answered with information through OB. Otherwise, I’m sure most of this is RAFO and I’ll see as I jump right into Dawnshard and RoW!
Radiance
Gods, Heralds, all things of power:
Secret Organizations:
Bridge Four:
Other mysteries and thoughts:
submitted by jakemar5 to Stormlight_Archive [link] [comments]

2024.05.19 02:10 PlusPaper STAR-DP7P-GD4P for 5,000 UEC [+FREE FLY until May 29]

Become a star citizen.
https://robertsspaceindustries.com/enlist?referral=STAR-DP7P-GD4P
use code STAR-DP7P-GD4P
If you don't already have a Roberts Space Industries (RSI) account, you'll want to take advantage of the Star Citizen referral code program. Doing so benefits the code provider and grants only you a bonus 5,000 United Earth Credits (UEC), the in-game currency for Star Citizen!
Thanks!!!
Improved New Player Experience : Play the tutorial
Star Citizen features a beautiful sprawling universe full of wonder, adventure, and action. However, it’s easy for new citizens to feel overwhelmed as they take their first steps into life in the 30th century.So, from Alpha 3.19, a whole-new guided mission will welcome new players to the ‘verse, including showing them how to get around, use the mobiGlas, and fly a ship in atmosphere and in space.
Invictus end free fly Celebration May 17-29 Invictus Launch Week 2954 - Roberts Space Industries Follow the development of Star Citizen and Squadron 42
Letter from the chairman https://robertsspaceindustries.com/comm-link/transmission/19848-Letter-From-The-Chairman
Alpha 3.22 https://robertsspaceindustries.com/comm-link/transmission/19565-Star-Citizen-Alpha-322-Wrecks-To-Riches
Alpha 3.21 https://robertsspaceindustries.com/comm-link/transmission/19477-Star-Citizen-Alpha-321-Mission-Ready
CitizenCon October 21st and 22nd https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xKWa4WoTkV4&list=PLVct2QDhDrB15f0diWl9YaDmL4Je1BkX3
Welcome Back, Pilot! https://robertsspaceindustries.com/comm-link/transmission/18359-Welcome-Back-Pilot
STAR CITIZEN & SQUADRON 42 EXPLAINED
There are two components to Cloud Imperium Games' (CIG) project. Star Citizen is the MMO component, a first-person experience in a simulated 30th-century universe. Squadron 42 is the single-player component, a story-driven campaign where you enlist as a UEE Navy combat pilot. Our current understanding is you will be given the option of having your Squadron 42 character, who musters out of the Navy at the conclusion of the campaign, carry over into the Star Citizen persistent universe, taking with them the reputation and relationships they've built with NPC entities.
[Customers interested the Squadron 42 standalone only] If you only want the single-player campaign, after creating your account (next section) you can buy the Squadron 42 standalone here. You need only wait for the game to be released and become available for download. But take note that when you buy Squadron 42 you also get immediate access to Arena Commander, the online dogfighting module, and Star Marine, the online first-person shooter.
Squadron 42: I Held The Line https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IDtjzLzs7V8
UNDERSTANDING THE PLEDGE STORE
There are a couple of points I want to make about recognizing what comes with a package. First, game packages may include only Star Citizen, only Squadron 42, or both games. Look at the package's contents for "Star Citizen Digital Download" and/or "Squadron 42 Digital Download." I will show you an easy way to add Squadron 42 to a Star Citizen-only package during the checkout process.The second point of interest concerns ship insurance (also found in the package's contents). Ship insurance covers the ship's hull and factory stock equipment in the event of complete loss. As a part of promotional offers, ships are sometimes sold with lifetime insurance (commonly referred to as LTI), but there are tricks to get LTI on almost any ship and many people will advise you to take advantage of them (often at a cost of $20-$35 USD = Token LTI ). To properly assess of the "value" of lifetime insurance, you should know a few things.
guide https://robertsspaceindustries.com/comm-link/transmission/18381-New-Player-Guide-Star-Citizen
submitted by PlusPaper to starcitizenreferrals [link] [comments]

2024.05.19 02:09 Agitated_Locksmith27 Broke up a week ago

I just wanted some support. So this my ex of 1.5 years broke up with me last week. We were bestfriends prior to starting the relationship. We used to share our traumas, and other issues with each other during that period.
Initially when we started the relationship, I had several issues due to insecurities. Like I had issues sending photos, being on video calls and sending voice notes. Because of these she belived that I didn't put any effort. I accept my issues but I would spend hours on the phone texting her. I asked her to give me time to change them. In 4-5 months most of my issues were gone.
We were in a long distance relationship. Our parents didn't know about this, so we had to keep it secret for the time being. But we would meet atleast once every three months when we would sit for our exams. Post September last year, I tried to make up reasons so that I can meet her. I really thought that our relationship would only get better from that point.
But in January this year, I had to move out of state for a job. She had joined her new job in our state. Her colleagues basically insulted my personality, saying things such as that my introvert character was going to be an issue in the future. Like that if our children got kidnapped, i would be sending mails to the police rather than calling them. And she believed them. Post that incident, she started complaining that I had never changed.
I am not talking high of myself, but by that point I was so different from the insecure version of me. We would call/video call daily, send pictures, send letters, etc. But for some reason she chose to see me through the past, as if I would never change.
I was the only person that stood by her when she went through so many issues, I was there for her in everything. I invested so much emotionally and in time to make this work. I worked on myself too.
But she kept seeing only the past me. So I decided to quit my job, and move back to our state to solve the issues. I loved her that much. And she told me that she would wait until we met.
But she broke it off suddenly once I flew back to our state. Didn't even want to meet me. I begged her to meet me even if she didn't want to continue the relationship. But she didn't.
She said that I was soft, but that softness is only needed when people are down. And that our energy only matched initially because she was in a depressed mood. She then proceeded to insult each and everything about me. My character, my family, my religion, and all. At times she would also use my past traumatic incidents against me. I confided these issues when we were best friends.
I really thought that she was the love of my life. How can a person that we once loved so much turn into stonewalls? How can they see only the bad in us?
She would say that in a perfect relationship, the partners would not have to work on anything. Is there really a relationship where no working on themselves is required?
Is it me who is really in the wrong here? I believe that each person in a relationship is a work in progress. But she doesn't have the same viewpoint. Since she blamed me so much, I am starting to believe it was my fault.
TLDR: broke up after 1.5 years. Ex gf didn't believe in making it work, said that perfect partners don't have to do anything to match. Initially in the relationship, I had some insecurity issues but got over them in some time. Quit my job to be closer to her and solve any issues. Was not given a chance. Now I am blaming myself.
submitted by Agitated_Locksmith27 to BreakUps [link] [comments]

2024.05.19 01:48 Trutheratbirth Repost: Alex (PARENT) Trails Carolina 2018

2018: (PARENT) "DO NOT WASTE YOUR MONEY AND SEND YOUR KIDS HERE! This program lives to make profit not to help kids. Clearly they over idealize everything in their website. You pay so much yet they won't change a $30 water filter at least once a week leading to many kids getting sick. Forget any new supplies when they break. "School" consists of 1 hour a day 1 week a month sitting in a room working on a single essay. Your kid WILL be falling behind. They also seem to not care to feed your kids. My daughter lost a total of 30 lb! I hardly recognized her. Apparently she was carrying so much weight that her pack (built to carry 110 lb) broke straight off her back. All letters are sensored so you don't know the truth. Punishments are inhumane. They try to convince you to send your kid to boarding school which is possibly the very worst thing you could do for them. They are just trying to make sure you don't see how much they have damaged your child. In her speaking with her other group mates, they ALL felt post Trails that they gained major anxiety disorders. 3 years later this trauma still cripples my child. Reading these reviews it seems these girls are not alone in their continuing trauma. PLEASE DON'T GET SCAMMED! More importantly : DON'T DESTROY YOUR CHILD BY SENDING THEM TO THIS PROGRAM! I really hope no other parent or child has to go through what we went through." - Alex (Google Reviews)
submitted by Trutheratbirth to troubledteens [link] [comments]

2024.05.19 01:23 Feeling-Piano9887 Daughter I gave up at 13 contacted me and has been told lies, she’s in a very vulnerable mental health state and I’m concerned

Hi I’m a 29 year old female. When I was 13, I fell pregnant. This wasn’t a consensual relationship, I was a virgin who didn’t really even know how babies were made, i still played with barbies, I was raped by my friends 23 year old brother during a sleepover.
I didn’t tell anybody. I didn’t know I was pregnant, Id only started my periods a few months prior so there absence didn’t concern me and like I said, I didn’t really know how babies were made beyond the basics. I found out I was pregnant at 29 weeks when I went to ER with my parents for stomach pain.
My parents were very angry at me despite the circumstances. He was convicted and imprisoned. They tried to find a doctor who’d give me an abortion but none would due to gestation. They said I had to give the baby up and I went along with it, I had no support from them and I grew up having a very cold relationship with them. When my daughter was born I was inconsolable and didn’t want to give her up. I refused to and my daughter was forcefully taken from me at the hospital. After which I was hysterical and had to be sedated. I made attempts on my life in the months after that. I was then put in to boarding school, where I stayed until I was 18.
It wasn’t an open adoption, I was allowed to leave a letter with her and I also left her my necklace which was my prized possession at the time. The adoptive mother stated she wanted no contact which I was devastated about but the social worker told me I could have contact when she turned 18. After I turned 18 and left boarding school, I moved in with my Nan whilst attending university. My Nan gave me so much love and care and was very disappointed in my parents (my Nan had no knowledge of me even being pregnant)
When I was 21 I graduated and I also got pregnant, that relationship didn’t work out but I’ve since married and had 3 more children. But I’ve never stopped thinking about my first born. I gave birth to her on my 14th birthday so we share a birthday and every birthday I feel like I’m grieving. I go through periods of just crying and staying in bed feeling guilty at what I’d done. I still feel so guilty and I can’t cope with guilt.
Anyway, my daughter who is now 15 found me on Facebook 2 weeks ago (I have a distinct name and I still use my maiden name on there) she messaged me an angry message and then blocked me so I couldn’t even respond.
She messaged me saying that she hates me and I’m dead to her, she told me how much she loves her adoptive mother and as far as she’s concerned I don’t exist. She says I’ve turned her in to a “messed up person” She told me how she thought I was a disgusting person for giving her up for adoption because I wanted to “enjoy life without the burden of a child” her words. She called me a slut (among other words) and questioned why I was having sex at 13. She said that she hoped my other children die and called them racist terms (they are mixed) because she is angry that I kept them and not her and that she felt that meant I wasn’t good enough. She then went on to say her adoptive mother told her that
1: My parents (her bio grandparents) wanted her but I refused to look after her and wanted her to be adopted.
2: I wanted an abortion and told adoptive mother that I wished I could have had an abortion
3: That adoptive mother had reached out to me when I was 21 and pregnant with her first sibling to ask if I wanted contact, and I (according to her birth mum) said I didn’t care about her and wanted to forget the whole thing and asked her not to contact me again.
4: That I was sleeping around with a lot of men my age and didn’t know her bio dad as I’d been with so many male school friends which is why I got sent to boarding school because I was “out of control”
All the above are just outright lies. I am glad she doesn’t know the circumstances of her conception, I’d be happy if bio mum had told her for example that her father was a childhood boyfriend of mine because the truth is something she shouldn’t know until she’s older, but to suggest I was sleeping around with multiple men at the age of 13 and didn’t know who he was is disgusting when it’s not true.
Im not able to contact her back because she’s blocked me. I’ve looked at her profile from my husbands account, I’ve seen her bio mums Facebook profile but I don’t intend to contact either of them as much as I want to because I guess I will just tell her everything when she’s 18 if she wants to hear it because perhaps now is not the appropriate age.
Her mums Facebook shows that she is her only child, that she’s now divorced (her and her husband adopted my daughter so she’s since divorced him) they seem very close and have lots of pictures together.
Her Facebook is concerning and it’s public so I could see everything. She posts quotes about depression and anxiety, has scars on her wrists which I fear may be SH scars) writes status’ such as “no body cares about me I may as well just die” constantly posts pictures laying in a hospital bed.
I have since informed social services about what I’ve seen on Facebook and they’ve just told me that they can not discuss this with me due to confidentiality as she’s legally not my child but have said they can assure me that they are doing everything necessary to ensure she is ok.
I don’t really know what to do. She has a false impression of me told by her adoptive mother. None of which is true, she was so wanted and I’ve never got over it. I now fear that her thinking I rejected her and didn’t want her and she wasn’t good enough has led to some serious mental health issues and potentially these will only get worse or she could harm herself very badly based on lots of lies.
I want her to know I love her, I want her to know I wanted her but I was forced to give her up, I want her to know that I still love her and always will and that I’d do anything for her. I want to tell her I was never contacted by adoptive mother and had I have been I would have jumped at the opportunity to even just talk to my daughter. I want to tell her that I do know her bio father and I wasn’t sleeping with multiple men (although the truth regarding the rape shouldn’t be disclosed right now) I just want her to know all of this, but I’m powerless until she is 18. I have been told if I message her from a different account since I’m blocked I could face legal charges.
I am so scared of her hurting herself based on lies. Her adoptive mum whilst I believe does love her, has poisoned my daughter against me in an attempt to get my daughter to hate me because she doesn’t want daughter potentially coming back to me or forming a relationship with me and her getting pushed out, so she’s said all of this to make that impossible so she will be her only mother.
But that’s to the detriment of my daughter, my daughter clearly has mental health issues and whilst they could be from other things I know that feeling unloved, unwanted and having being told this information that is outright lies must be weighing heavily on her and making her feel inadequate. I can’t imagine if I was adopted and I heard things like that about my bio mum, it would devastate me and I would hate myself.
I don’t know what I’m hoping to gain from this post just looking for advice. I can contact her in 3 years. But I’m scared in those 3 years something bad could happen with the way her mental health is, and that something bad may happen without her knowing the truth about how much I love her.
I’ve been off sick from work since, I have been an emotional wreck. I just hope she’s okay even if she does hate me. Of course I’d love to tell her the truth but more than anything I want her to know the truth for the sake of her own mental well-being even if that means she still doesn’t want to speak to me. Social services just keep telling me that they can’t discuss anything with her about me beyond the basics of the fact that she’s adopted. The rest is down to adoptive mother to disclose if she wishes. When she is 18 she will get access to her file and know the true circumstances but until then, everything she knows is based on lies.
submitted by Feeling-Piano9887 to Adoption [link] [comments]

2024.05.19 01:21 HolyCityRunner I think I’m losing BP for good. And I’m in agony.

I’ve been quiet for a while because I moved in with BP and we have been working through things for almost two years. I’ve been doing bi-weekly IC, monthly relationship coaching, we did bi weekly couples counseling, and I continued with my psychiatrist. I’ve read multiple books such as “the body keeps the score”, “the state of affairs”, “not just friends”, and “the courage to stay”. I’ve poured effort and energy into the marriage helper (though we aren’t married) program and one other program. I am really trying. I have so many good memories from the past 18 months that completely warm my heart…. And then suddenly a few weeks ago — BP asked me to move out. BP felt the angry thoughts about me they continuously had weren’t healthy and that it wasn’t a good way to live “always feeling triggered by me”. We have had a few bumps in the road: There was some tension after I found solace in a game on my phone for a bit — but BP brought this to my attention in CC and I quickly realized how triggering that might be and did my best to never be on my phone when we were together. BP also had free rein to any of my devices including my phone whenever they wanted. Eventually, BP started to get annoyed anytime I would even look something up - even for work. So that was difficult. But I was trying my best. I kept trying to be better — truly. BP also felt I was “disinterested” in any intimacy , which wasn’t anything BP did wrong but more of a personal self-confidence issue with me after gaining some weight after a recent running injury. So I got a weight loss and wellness coach to help me get back on track.
Anyway, BP made the announcement suddenly in one of our CC meetings. I felt so blindsided. It felt like we were working through this. However, out of respect for BP and their wishes (but against my heart and feelings for BP), I have slowly since moved out to stay with some mutual friends.
It has been AGONY without my BP. Today, BP asked for their house key back and my heart just sank. That kind of sinking feeling when you just take a deep breath and the only thing that comes out are tears because the sadness is boiling over inside. In my heart, I don’t want to give it back. Not because I will do anything nefarious or horrible. But because it feels so final. Please don’t hate on me for this. I would never do anything horrible or vengeful. But I just still feel special having their key on my key ring - like I still have a home with BP.
Last week, I spent multiple days constructing a really heartfelt letter to BP relaying how much I appreciate all the effort BP has put into trying to make this work , the amount of bravery it took to stay and try, and a few of the reasons I am so in love and cherish them. I did my best to pour my heart into it. I read it to them as I came to get a few more boxes of my stuff. It didn’t get much of a reaction - but that’s ok, maybe it needs to marinate for a bit… I also sent it to them so BP could have it to read if they chose to do so. I am trying so hard to be respectful and mature through this because I know it’s my fault this is broken. But I am not well. Not well at all.
I don’t want to whine or make this about myself but I just feel completely soul broken. I know what I did to BP was awful and betraying them destroyed everything they thought they knew. I know this relationship is broken because of my actions. I also realize that it is not up to me whether or not BP takes me back. But I thought we were slowly trucking along. Of course there were small bumps and blips in the road but I felt we were doing well getting through some things and making some (albeit slow) progress.
I love BP so much. I realized how much I took their love, passion, generosity, tenderness, and spirit for granted. I emasculated them and likely destroyed their ego. Maybe I didn’t do enough to help build it back up? I’m not sure. But I definitely had/have every intention of repairing everything in my power. I will do anything to help repair this for us.
I hate myself for it. But I just cannot get through this I cannot leave them. It is killing me. I honestly find myself driving to work and hoping I get side-swiped in a horrible car accident so I don’t have to think about everything I’m losing because of what I did the first two years of our nearly 4 year relationship. I am not the kind to do anything to hurt myself but if something were to happen to me - maybe it would be a little mental and emotional break. It hurts so bad. I know I can’t force BP to love me. But part of me thinks they still care but they are so hurt (traumatized) and haven’t been able to get through the trauma that I have caused. I want to be there to help but I know they don’t want me around. And it kills me.
To add salt to the wounds, I gave up a once-in-lifetime dream job offer to move down here to live with BP and work on “us”. And now the job I took here (which is definitely not dream job status) is falling apart (so-to-speak). I just feel so broken and hopeless and it’s all my fault. It absolutely kills me. I miss every single moment with them. I guess I just need a shoulder to cry on and some sort of hope that maybe my BP just needs a little time and space. I’ve searched and there really isn’t much support for waywards that are in my position. Any support or reassurance is appreciated.
Thanks everyone. 🙏🏼
submitted by HolyCityRunner to SupportforWaywards [link] [comments]

2024.05.19 01:15 Gazooonga Diary of a Press-Ganged Saurian (#1/?)

Just another fun little story idea I had. I am still working on Humans are the violent ones but I like to bounce around and experiment with ideas to see what I really like. I also suck at writing more casual stories, as they give me severe writer's block as I try to map out how to make a scene feel genuine in my head, but I promise I'll update that soon. If you like this story and want to see more, then like and comment. I'll gladly continue this series as well.
Start of Personal Log
Humans don't like being told what to do. They don't like being commanded, put in their place, or snubbed. It was an inexorable, inalienable trait of humans, at least any noteable humans, to go against any authority that they believed was against their interests.
Humanity would not fit amongst the stars. Few ever did. It was a trait of most successful species to be willful, ambitious, and to desire more. But once they reached the stars the new (and simultaneously very old) pecking order either quashed any spirit such species had or simply eradicated them. Countless tomb worlds and diaspora served as painful reminders of what became of the nails that chose to stick out. The hammer of order would always strike. There could be no compromise, the very soul of the authority that held the Jurisdiction together relied on a show of unmatched power, or at least the illusion of item.
In reality, the Jurisdiction was an old, fat, and lazy beast. It filled its belly on the corpses of empires far and wide, and sated its bloodlust on the shattered dreams of hopeful cubs. It had every right to, for none could challenge it: there were no new frontiers to explore, nor were there any other enemies to conquer. The Milky Way, as humans had so strangely dubbed our cradle galaxy, as well as Andromeda, had long since been warred over and settled for millennia before humanity had arrived, bright-eyed and with familiar yet otherwise foolish dreams of cooperation and prosperity. The Jurisdiction did not cooperate, nor did it ensure prosperity. Oh, it claimed it did, but in reality it simply took. The rest was just the peace that came with not being the direct target of the biggest fish in the pond. The humans didn't like that, but they had no choice.
Slavery was a common tribute. The Jurisdiction had no use for other resources: it simply took. No, it wanted those who could facilitate that unequal exchange, those raised in a world where the only morality was the one set by your lord. The Jurisdiction was held together by expectations, obligations, and dury more than any kind of shared dream, so when you were ordered to take you did so without question. Humanity was new: they had no niche or value that set them apart, but they had a penchant for killing and taking, so the Jurisdiction gave them a taste of how the galaxy worked. They killed and they took. The humans didn't like that, but what choice did they have?
Humans were strange. They learned, but not in the way most species learned. Most species learned to adapt in a passive way, to adhere to the world around them. They flowed like water, moving past and around obstacles and confirming to the boxes they were assigned too. Humans didn't confirm, nor did they adapt: they made their circumstances fit their desires. They would not move around obstacles, but rather smash through them, and they refused to stay in one box for too long. The Jurisdiction merely saw them as a particularly loud nuisance, but those who faced their wrath knew better.
It is said that when a beast seeks to make an example, it shall humble its rival by killing it's cubs. Children were one of those universal constants that brought entire communities together: the Sok’klar saw their hatchlings as gifts, shaped by the fruitful currents of the universe in perfect harmony. The Yarrack saw each and every newborn whelp as an uncut gemstone, ready to be shaped into something magical. Humanity oftentimes referred to their offspring as angels, or spirits of unbridled good sent by the gods themselves. Children were seen by most of the galaxy as gifts.
The Jurisdiction saw them as a lever to inflict suffering. It had become quite effective at enacting psychological punishments on those that stood up and spoke out. You dare to disobey? You believe you can speak out? Your gifts shall be taken from you, and you shall be without joy.
Humans didn't like this, but the Jurisdiction would have their pound of flesh, and humankind would kneel. And they did. But humans were patient creatures: most species who retained that trait of willful spit also lacked patience.
I had long since become desensitized to the Jurisdiction’s actions: it was simply how the universe worked now, as if it were a constant akin to gravity. Cruelty was the unspoken rule of this seemingly unending age, where our lives never appeared to move forward or backwards, only lay dormant. The Jurisdiction had been the unyielding authority that ruled the galaxy for thousands of years, venerable yet feared all the same.
And for the longest time I was just another cog in its wheel. My name is Kalnuracht Sedjuur-Noumar VII, and was the scion of the noble house Sedjuur-Noumar. I was born into what most would describe as veiled apathy, living a life that could be attributed to the privileged class of feared scribes that enacted the will of those above. I was an administrator and nothing more. And now I am doomed to be far less than that in the eyes of my former constituents within the endless administration. I am the only scion, as is tradition, and without an heir I am the last of my house, our name to be scrubbed from the records, worthless, meaningless, and forgotten.
I am merely Kalnuracht, nothing else and nothing more. I have seen from their eyes, the eyes of the downtrodden, and it makes my crimes of association with the Jurisdiction feel all the more damning on my worthless soul. I am worthless to the world, and this is my story.
End Personal Log #1
Start of Neural Lace Narrative Log #1
They came from the black like carrion birds in the night, encircling our convoy as if it were a dying animal ready to be picked clean without remorse. There was no warning, no list of demands sent out as civilized peoples did, nor was there either any requirement for unconditional surrender nor chance to parlay, as was done so under letter of marque: this was an unmistakable call for violence and nothing else. They sought to reduce us to slag and scavenge the rest.
So, as one would expect, the entire bridge of the ship was nearing a panicked state. This was not the actions of those practicing civility, but rather the common behaviors of despoiling barbarians, the kind that tore their way through the dark reaches of the galaxy as if they owned it.
“Wayfinder, what do your probes see?” Shouted the ship’s sovereign. He was an older Kar’Rowmach, an amphibious cephalopod species with a venerable history within the Jurisdiction going back thousands of years. Normally one such as him would be above me if it weren't for the fact that I was under the authority of the Jurisdiction’s seal of office. He didn't like me very much, but most of his kind shared the same sentiment.
“All dark, honorable Sovereign: the sensor arrays are wailing but the feedback we're reviewing is beyond incomprehensible,” the wayfinder replied with a certain restrained temper in his voice. The Sok'klar wayfinder swayed gently, his tentacled limbs grasping different metallo-liquid braille output arrays, the liquid gallium flexing and reshaping unnaturally to allow him to to take in multiple different sources of sensory output at once, with the primary navigation computer plugged into the cybernetics surrounding his opaque, gelatinous head and plugging directly into his tube-shaped brain.
The Sovereign cursed in Loskat and pointed to his bridge crew while I simply sat in the back, near the Sovereign’s symbolic throne. “Prepare countermeasures and spool up the warp drive, we cannot allow the amanuensis to be taken! He carries sensitive information that only he can translate and transcribe!”
As the bridge crew nodded and began fiddling with their own systems, I preened my feathered hide anxiously. I wasn't a fighter: us nobles of the cloth were the educated minority above all else, not those who waged war or partook in hard labor. Special cybernetics in my brain allowed me to translate triple-encoded messages that usually took a ducal signet codekey or above to parse, but even without that I was a skilled mathematician and logician. I had terabytes worth of knowledge stored within the hardware installed in my head, all well protected of course, but if I were to die it would still be a waste. I could only imagine the damage any malcontenders could do with it if they were able to get their filthy hands on me.
Suddenly, the ship rocked, and the gallium overhead display began to form crescendos like I'd never seen before. “Sovereign, decks A-3 through C-12 are venting atmosphere and our coolant systems have been obliterated,” the Wayfinder spoke in an almost serene voice, as if he was completely unconcerned by current events. I knew they were simply incapable of tonal displays, but it was unnerving nonetheless. “Once we jump, we will not be able to risk another until the vacuum of the void can reduce temperatures to acceptable levels within the plasma capacitors.”
“Damn them,” the armored nautiloid hissed, his barbed feelers coiling in frustration, “May the currents take them. What are our options? what can we see? This fleet cannot fall to the void today, not with such vital cargo.” My hackles rose lightly at the Kar’Rowmach referred to me as some object rather than an esteemed amanuensis of the Jurisdiction, but I bit my forked tongue. Now was not the time to squabble with the sovereign over who was what and what titles I deserved, not while he was so desperately attempting to keep what semblance of order within his fleet that he had left.
I could not blame the crew for being panicked either: wars were practically mythologized now, having been long since rendered obsolete with the rise of the Jurisdiction, and that felt like an eternity ago. Now, either being levied into or joining a ducal naval force was simply another career, more akin to serving as an officer of the law rather than a fully fledged soldier. Minimal training was required, most of it being the technicals of one's duty rather than any kind of combat conditioning, so expecting a fleet to actually be prepared for a combat scenario in a universe where peace was the norm was laughable.
“We are practically blind, Sovereign,” stated the Sok'klar Wayfinder, “our probes are offline, and shipboard graviton displacement sensory arrays have been rendered unreliable at best.”
“What about the particle emission array? Has there been a spike in radioactivity where we were hit?”
The Wayfinder seemed to think for a second, his gelatinous form flexing and morphing a bit before answering. “Affirmative, a jump from negligible to forty billion becquerels along decks A through E-5 on our starboard side.”
“Torpedoes…” the Sovereign hissed, stroking his barbed feelers, “Human Torpedoes. Only those primitives would rely on crude nuclear warheads.” He then turned to his militant leaders on the ship. “Noddos, Rel’ads: organize your phalanxes and prepare to repel boarders. We are bound to be assailed by those rancorous primates, and I want their skulls piled at my feet if they dare set foot on our ship.”
“Your wish is our command, Sovereign,” the two militant commanders spoke as one. Noddos, a large bipedal with multiple sets of curved spines running down his back, a pair of graceful horns sprouting from his head, and multiple rows of sharp teeth in his snout, bowed first, followed by Rel’ads, a marsupial with long saberteeth and thick fur. They both must have been fierce warriors in their own right to each lead a phalanx. They wore thick, semi-powered armor and held dueling polearms alongside their usual plasma casters, and seemed completely unfazed by the situation we were in. As they stomped out of the brightly lit bridge, I let out a quiet squawk of discontentment. “Sovereign, why haven't we jumped again? We are wasting precious time.”
“I am working on it, you spineless beaurocrat!” He warbled back, his feelers tensing in anger, “besides, it's not as if you're the one who will be spilling blood today, amanuensis, so flatten your wretched beak or I shall weld it shut with a plasma torch.
I was about to reply with something indignant, but the ship rocked again, this time causing the lights to flicker and the air to become… thick. The skin under my feathers began to blister, and I became lightheaded and confused. “Seal the damnable vents, initiate radiation scrubbers, and activate secondary life support!” Shouted the Sovereign, “Their nuclear weapons are rendering the ship inhospitable!”
I coughed up magenta blood accidentally, and I could feel more seeping from under my eyes. Some of the crew was in a similar position, but others were more resistant to radiation than I. The Sok'klar seemed completely at ease as he ran his tentacles across his morphic braille arrays before calmly announcing the ship’s status. “I've regained some control over our probes: ten, twelve, and seventeen are active and fully functional, the rest are either still malfunctioning or permanently inoperable. A rapid rise in localized radiation is also interfering with the detection of graviton displacement; we can't sense photon redirection, thus readings will remain inconclusive.
“Wayfinder, damn you, get me some kind of out here! We're easy prey until we can respond in kind!”
“Negative, something has gone awry with our processing hub, I am attempting to troubleshoot-”
And with that, the Wayfinder’s bulbous head exploded in a cascade of opaque lavender blood, covering the front half of the deck crew like a morbid art piece. Some of the crew screamed and shouted in terror before removing their cranial adaptors and choosing to interact with their displays manually. Others died just as quickly, unable to unplug in time as their brain stems fried or their blood boiled. It was a horrible way to go, having your insides neutralized by your own cybernetics, so I was glad I wasn't connected to the system.
“Cybernetic warfare! All systems are to be considered compromised, switch to manual settings or you'll be killed!”
The lights in the bridge flickered again, and the displays went haywire. The bridge crew, which obviously weren't acquainted with working without being hard-linked into the mainframe, moved at a much slower pace.
“Launch missile pods A through F and set to self-target after five hundred kilometers, then rely on their ballistic coordinates to begin firing broadsides! If we can't see the humans due to their meddling, we'll just have to feel them.” Shouted the Sovereign, “and got me a detailed report on the ship’s diagnostics readings. I need to know if this flagship is still capable of escaping or if we'll have to scuttle it and retreat on another.”
“Acknowledged, Sovereign, launching now,” affirmed another deck officer as he swiped across his own gallium output array. I could hear the dull thunk, thunk, thunk of missiles pushing out of their pods before racing off to their intended targets, then the mechanical whirring as the pods rotated to be reloaded by slaves in the lower decks. I was regaining my bearings as the many horrible sensations of being overwhelmed by radiation poisoning were beginning to subside, but I still felt as if I had been microwaved. The air was stale, the crew was horribly sick as well, and even the sovereign himself seemed to be on his last leg. I was beginning to believe that I might die here.
“Sovereign, a message from the lower decks,” shouted a communications officer, his chitin scraping against itself as he turned quickly, “they're requesting reinforcements, something about being overrun.”
“Impossible,” the Sovereign hissed out in a vain attempt to exude confidence, “We must outnumber the humans, they always go for bigger targets out of arrogance.”
“I've received reports that it's not just humans: the primates seem to make up only a third or so of the assailing force, along with some Phaeldaer and Vrex.”
The commander slammed his clawed hands down on his own output array in a fit of rage, obviously overwhelmed by the circumstances, “Then this wasn't just a typical assault, but something more sinister!” The nautiloid warbled, blood seeping from his shell as the full effects of the radiation took hold, “Get Rel’ads on the line, have him divert all spare lances to the lower decks or else we'll lose the only offensive capabilities we can use.”
“Rel'ads has gone dark, Sovereign, his vitals are critical.”
“Then either get me Rel'ads tail-leader or get me Noddos!” He screamed in rage, “don't give me this nonsense! If we don't pick it up we're all going to die, is that what you want?”
“No, Sovereign, I'm simply overwhelmed-”
“We're all overwhelmed! By the tides, I'm dying of radiation poisoning you nincompoop! Get me something I can work with!”
The officer didn't even acknowledge the Sovereign after that, simply turning back to his display. Eventually, the Sovereign was able to get Noddos on the line.
“Sovereign, two thirds of my phalanxes have been decimated by combat with the primitives and the radiation, the rest are in shambles. We must retreat and fortify elsewhere!”
“Then the ship is compromised! Rel'ads is unresponsive and the lower decks are swarming with intruders. We must evacuate the amanuensis to another ship.”
Just as the Sovereign spoke, I heard several gentle thumps rattle against the bridge’s door, and it made me uneasy. Some of the bridge crew seemed to feel the same, as they looked incredibly nervous and some even drew their sidearms. Just as the sovereign turned to give further orders, the door blew inward with a deafening explosion, followed by shouting and gunfire. Several of the bridge officers were dispatched quickly, brain matter and blood splattering against the delicate electronics. Others were shot in the legs, the torso, or in any other exotic yet non-vital body parts. The humans poured in, brandishing primitive ballistic firearms and jury-rigged energy weapons while wearing scavenged, legion-grade powered armor.
The Sovereign was the next to go, but he wasn't afforded an honorable death. He was shot along the arm with a particularly potent plasma caster, burning off his clawed hand and cauterizing the wound, the acrid smell of roasting chitin filling the already hot and cramped bridge. He fell back against his output array, the gallium reaching new highs and lows as more diagnostics and casualty reports were delivered, and he clutched his stump angrily. “I'll burn every last one of you in the foundries! I'll tie you to stakes, cover you in wax and set you alight! Your screams will be broadcasted all over the galaxy!”
One human warrior stomped up and slammed the butt of his rifle into the sovereign’s face, shattering his facial plates and causing blue blood to splatter across his section of the bridge. “Shut the fuck up, you mutant lobster,” the human said before dragging him by both antennae towards the center of the bridge and receiving a stained breeching axe from one of his comrades. “Emmanuel, start recording. We need proof.”
The other human nodded and pressed a button on his armor before lifting up his gun again. The rest of the humans fanned out, holding everyone else at gunpoint. I tried to get up and sneak out, but a human grabbed me by my neck and nearly wrung it out as he forced me to my knees and pointed a sidearm to my skull. “Get down, you piece of shit, before I blow your brains out too.”
“Damnable primate,” I hissed, but he bashed me in my skull with the base of his sidearm’s grip and sent me sprawling, making my already pounding headache worse. Another human shouted at him in a language I didn't recognize, but he sounded furious. The first brought me back up to my knees again, and I complies with a hiss and a groan, blood still leaking from my eyes and mouth and my world was spinning.
The Sovereign struggled, but he was weak from the radiation poisoning and he couldn't exactly resist on account of his lost arm. The human with the breaching ax kicked the Sovereign down and forced him to kneel before lifting up the breeching ax and splitting his chitinous head down the middle with one powerful swing, sending more blood and brains across the floor. “Execution confirmed, take his antennae just in case and we've got ourselves a bounty. Now all we need is that ugly cat’s teeth and the fat hedgehog-thing’s grimy spines and we'll be in business. Although, they do have skulls… we might as well just take their heads.”
The real horror of the situation dawned on me at that moment: they were going to kill us all, or maybe worse. They mentioned a bounty for the commanders, and multiple of the higher ranking ship officers were already dead, their brains splattered against the walls or their bodies torn apart by gunfire. I wasn't dead yet, but that didn't mean much since I wasn't an immediate threat.
“Alright, round them up and bring all the grunts to the hanger bay, then kill the rest,” the leader of the humans said in such a lackadaisical manner that his complete disregard for life almost made me sick… almost. I had seen worse from the Jurisdiction before, but usually that was from me delivering some kind of ordered judgment on a world that had sinned against order. I might have simply been the messenger, but I had seen many of the outcomes. “And make sure to collect whatever proof of bounties you can, we'll need to deliver them to the office to get cashed out. Don't let this be a repeat of last time where Juarez fucking forgot to take a few heads and it ended up cutting our profits in half, the fucking retard.”
Some of the humans chuckled at that as they dragged more of the senior officers away, out of the room and into the hall,where I heard gunshots. The rest of the bridge crew froze in place, different fear instincts kicking in. The remaining Sok'klar corralled together into what seemed to be a singular, semi-congealed mass as if to try and trick the humans into believing that they were much bigger and much more threatening than they actually were. The one Thei’chi on the bridge, an ensign who had clearly thought this would be a simple mission, bore her curved fangs at the humans and growled as they approached, her hackles completely vertical and her eyes dilated. They quickly muzzled and bound her before beating her over the head with a gun stock, sending her sprawling onto the ground. Many others simply cooperated, eyes wide and yet simultaneously empty, as if they couldn't quite process that the ship had been taken and the commanding officers were being executed as the rest were escorted to the hangar.
“Get the damn messenger down to the hanger as well, we need whatever data's in his ugly lizard head, then we can decide on what to do with him.”
I spat at him in spite, as if to try and seem brave, but it was clearly an empty gesture. “You won't get anything, primate! You couldn't possibly crack the encryption!”
The human holding me seemed to wind up for another swing, but the commanding officer simply held up his hand to stop my tormentor before strolling over to me. He knelt down and removed his helmet, revealing a beige-colored face covered in scars, wiry black hair cut down to the scalp, and multiple tattoos. “You're really fucking mouthy for a hostage,” he said before punching me across my beak faster than I could register. I heard a sharp crack as his fist connected, and my head spun again as the metallic taste of blood pooled into my mouth. “I'd advise you to shut up, but I'm sure you won't listen: you aristocratic types are so full of yourselves. Maybe I should have you flogged in the public square until your vocal chords give out once we rip those cybernetics from your head, huh? How's that sound?”
“It won't matter… it won't change anything… the Jurisdiction will hunt you down.”
“Maybe, but I doubt it will happen for some time: they really suck at doing anything that requires effort, even when they're mad enough. They just keep sending their rabid lapdogs to try and smoke us out, and they always end up full of holes,” the human officer said with a smirk, his yellowish-white teeth and green eyes sending shivers down my spine as he drew his knife. “They're just horrible at their job, you know? You've all gotten so lazy and incompetent after being able to just take what you want without resistance, and now that you've met people who are angry and crazy enough to fight back you act as if we're committing some grave injustice,” he placed the knife against my throat, the flat just underneath my now bent beak, “No, we just took a few pages out of your book, ‘cept we've got standards. No kids, for one…” he seemed to look off into the distance as his sneer deepened, “but it's more than that, we don't attack the defenseless in general and we still win against you all in fair fights.”
I went to say something else snarky, but he quickly grabbed my thin tongue with his fingers and yanked it out, blood from my mouth pulling to the floor as he held the blade of his knife against it. “No no, none of that. Say one more thing and I'll cut that rancid little tongue of yours out of your mouth and feed it to you,” he hissed at me, pressing the blade down just hard enough to draw blood. “Do you know what it's like to see a planet turn into a tomb?" he asked me, gritting his teeth, “Do you know what it's like to see everything you've ever known crumble to ash and glass, all the life and the green stripped away leaving nothing but bones? I do. I've seen it happen to countless worlds, and my grandfather always told me stories of how you bastards did it to Earth. He still prays in its direction five times a day, to Mecca, but he knows the Kaaba is gone now, or maybe it's still there, buried in the bones of those who sought refuge there.”
I didn't care for the human’s nonsensical beliefs, but I did care to correct him. “I've seen it before, and I'll see it again. And so will you, it's inevitable. The Jurisdiction will always have its judgment fulfilled, there is no alternative.”
“One day, I hope we can rectify that,” he said, then he sheathed his knife and slammed my head against the metal floor with enough force to nearly knock me out. As I lost consciousness, I could hear him speak. “Take him to the Chop Doc, and make sure the cybernetics don't get damaged: they're supposedly more valuable than any bounty on this ship.”
Warning: Severe radiation poisoning detected. Flush system immediately.
Warning: Neural Lace removal detected, chance of neurological damage high. Proceeded with caution.
submitted by Gazooonga to HFY [link] [comments]

2024.05.19 01:13 kqsk3t AITAH for wanting to go no contact with my dad and by extension my mom because of their toxic relationship?

I (18F) have always known my dad (53M) wasn’t the most healthy person in the world. For some context on my family and to make sure it’s a whole picture i’m basically going to trauma dump, so TW for sexual assault i guess? When i was two he and my mom(48F) got a divorce because he was using drugs and alcohol to cope with some of his past traumas, while never putting in any work to get past them. After the divorce he ended up being put in prison after receiving multiple DUI’s (im not entirely sure how it happened exactly, i was two or three when he was locked up) and it got him locked up till I was six. My mom, despite having every reason to speak badly of my father, never said anything negative about him. She would take me to visit him, let me read the letters he sent me (when i actually could read, and she would write my replies down for me), and always let me talk to him when he called. We lived with my grandparents while he was locked up. After he got out he spent a long time working to get past his unhealthy coping mechanisms. He lives with his parents for two years and i would visit often. When i was eight he finally had a stable enough job to have both me and my mother move back in with him. I was young, and stupid, and when they asked me if i was okay with it I said yes. We moved into a single wide mobile home in my dad’s home town. My entire life was uprooted and replanted. I began classes in my new school and was bullied for most of my time there. I was told to “suck it up, bullies aren’t that bad.” even though in middle school i was pushed down a very steep flight of stairs and almost broke my arm. My grades began slipping and i went from a gifted child to a burn out really quick. My dad would yell at me and my mom for my grades, then get mad when i couldn’t understand how explained something to me. By thirteen i was suicidal and it was “an attempt to get attention” according to my dad. He had begun to pick fights with my mom over the littlest things. The house wasn’t clean enough, she didn’t make dinner fast enough, my room was a mess. (it was the size of a medium sized walk in closet.) And then my older (half) brother moved in with us. He (32M, let’s call him Michael) had never had a stable life and my dad coddled him because he felt like he had failed him. He had, but Michael was always a screwed up dude, so it only added into it. Anyways, over the course of the next three years my older brother would come to sexually assault me about five times over the next three years. We ended up moving into a larger house when i was about fifteen and i ended up going into counseling and learning that i had been groomed and conditioned to be basically unaware of the trauma inflicted on my by my brother since i was a kid. My dad, when i was seven and my brother a teenager, would turn a blind eye to Michael basically bashing my head into the island counter whenever he would steal something like food from me. My grandparents would always intervene and he would call me a whiner. At night he would tell me all sorts of things and make it seem like he was my only friend in the world. He kept doing it my entire life. My father, who had stopped drinking, had begun again because my grandfather was diagnosed with stage four lung cancer and has been fighting for him life since, it’s been about eight years i think since they had to pull him out of remission because the cancer came back. This is when he really became a nightmare. Depending on what type of alchohol he drinks his mood goes a few ways. Whiskey and he gets angry. Tequila and he gets all sappy and lovey dovey(this makes me very uncomfortable because he hasn’t ever been very openly affectionate), beer and he’s just a happy drunk, and wine and he gets sad. Sometimes it switches up but normally this is how it goes. After i finally told my parents about my brother and what he had done and him getting kicked out, he began to bury himself in alcohol. I had to get over it fast because he was blaming anyone within pissing distance. Eventually he would cry to me about how he had failed him son, to the daughter that his son had raped. it was really fucked up, and he only ever said that when he was drunk. (I want to say that my dad isn’t an inherently terrible person, he didn’t have a good life growing up and generational trauma hits hard.)He has been using drinking as a way to escape reality for a long time. It’s caused a great deal of arguments and both of my parents asking “what they do to deserve this” while my dad accuses me of treating him like garbage (he says the same thing to my mom). We’ve had to leave the house and spend a few days with other people before because i was scared he was going to hit us instead of the walls next time, multiple times. The most recent bought of fighting has been happening over the last three days. (for more context i moved out right after i turned eighteen, i became a manager at my workplace and was able to live with friends) I’ve been visiting my family and spending time with them since i haven’t really had time the past few months. I guess my mom found out that he had been receiving nudes from other women on messenger and wanted AT LEAST an apology. My dad blamed it on a married friend who was using his phone. it was a lie because he’s been receiving them almost every day. and commenting on them. it makes me sick to think about. he has begun blaming my mom for it. saying she ruined our old house, that she has to one up him, and saying “do you really wanna go there?” while he was the one who fucked up. After screaming at each other for nearly an hour he said he wanted to break up. My mom spiraled and wanted to kill herself. Her psychiatrist that she had a tele-health call with that day, asked me to basically watch my mom to make sure she doesn’t kill herself. I took her pills and asked my dad to lock up his guns. he took this as her “one -upping him”. Yesterday while i was back at my apartment i got a call from my mom explaining that he had gotten drunk and had told her to kill herself. She had left and was at a bridge to watch the water. I drove back in a panic since i live a town over. Today, my father was drunk again and asked me to go spend time alone so he could screw my mom. I didn’t want to be there so i showered and got ready to leave. Turns out their conversation had shifted and he was berating her for “not letting him discipline me”. I guess that after years of pent up anger never being touched on, i finally snapped and began yelling at him. I called him a hypocrite and he called me a bitch. And basically i left as he began to destroy things around the house. That was after i told him if he kept going this way i would cut contact. I’m currently sitting at our outdoor sports complex writing this because everyone i know is busy and i don’t want to bother them. I just needed to get it out. I don’t know if cutting contact is the right thing to do. Of if it makes me an asshole. I’m only eighteen. I don’t know what to do anymore.
submitted by kqsk3t to AITAH [link] [comments]

2024.05.19 01:09 Ralf_Reddings After the first time, How to skip over a expensive calculation and just operate on the result with each subsequent wheelscroll?

I have a function that I need to use on a number of scroll wheel hotkeys, the function increases or decreases a value on controls found on a inactive window, the following is a use case example:
a & WheelUp:: ;increment control #1 lazy_rulers("++", 1, "a") return a & WheelDown:: ;decrement control #1 lazy_rulers("--", 1, "a") return b & WheelUp:: ;increment control #2 lazy_rulers("++", 2, "b") return b & WheelDown:: ;decrement control #2 lazy_rulers("--", 2, "b") return c & WheelUp:: ;increment control #3 lazy_rulers("++", 3, "c") return c & WheelDown:: ;decrement control #3 lazy_rulers("--", 3, "c") return z & WheelUp:: ;increment control #26 lazy_rulers("++", 26, "z") return z & WheelDown:: ;decrement control #26 lazy_rulers("--", 26, "z") return
Each time I need to increase/decrease this value, I need to perform two steps: - Because the window is QT5 based and the control positions are not constant, I first I have to find a controls relative coordinates using Descolada's UIA - Then using controlClick send wheelUp/wheelDown to the windows coordinates
This works reliably but its very slow. I have looked at it closely, step 2 (controlClick) works fast, its step 1 that is slow, which consists of multiple query's to UIA.
Since I only need to know the controls position once, which is upon the first + event, then while the parent key (letter) is down, I want to skip the UIA step, but I am not sure how to go about this, I tried a number of approaches (keywait, while with getKeystate) but failed.
What is making it difficult is the fact that the code is wrapped in a function, which I need to do so to make use of it in a lot of places, the following is pseudo code:
lazy_rulers(value := "", index := "", key := ""){ if (???){ ; Only enter this branch on the very first wheel scroll (when the letter is first held down, along with the first wheel scroll) UIA := UIA_Interface() hwnd := WinExist("Lazy Nezumi Pro ahk_exe LazyNezumiPro.exe") el := UIA.ElementFromHandle(hwnd) pos := el.findFirstBy("ControlType=spinner AND AutomationId=LazyNezumi.centralWidget.widgetDetails.animWidgetRulers.frameRulers." rulerParam).GetCurrentPos("window") } ;Run the follwoing on every wheel scroll if (value = "++") ControlClick,,% pos.x + 10,% pos.y + 10, wu,,, Lazy Nezumi Pro ahk_exe LazyNezumiPro.exe else ControlClick,,% pos.x + 10,% pos.y + 10, wd,,, Lazy Nezumi Pro ahk_exe LazyNezumiPro.exe
The function is a lot more involved than the above, but I feel the above gets my point across, I would appreciate any ideas or solutions on this.
submitted by Ralf_Reddings to AutoHotkey [link] [comments]

2024.05.19 01:00 DependentAnxious3251 mediocre PI lor??

My PI (I work as a CRC full time in clinical medicine) submitted my lor to interfolio and she sent me a copy of the letter afterward, as a confirmation that she finished..
I’m so afraid that this letter will be seen as mediocre! Spent more than half the letter talking about the role and “how hard it is to get.” Then just listed (1 small paragraph) that I’m involved in every aspect of the research, have submitted some pubs + abstracts. Mentioned I went to a conference. Then.. that’s basically it.
She did state at the end that I’m (in general, in the context of me as a working professional, not specifically regarding research) proactive, open to feedback and good at applying it (she literally wrote “never makes the same mistake again” ??). She wrote I communicate professionally.
But like she mentioned nothing about my aptitude for research, didn’t expand on all the research I do— didn’t even mention I’m leading a project like a supervisory role with my own “students.” It read more like what kind of employee I am than what kind of researcher I am. Will this be a red flag for a research letter?? Especially considering I was planning on making this activity an MME and expanding on this all?
I’m starting to reconsider using this letter but it’s also from my gap year job :/ or am I overthinking it and it’s a good enough letter? Please help :(
submitted by DependentAnxious3251 to premed [link] [comments]

2024.05.19 00:55 Lazy-Ad8562 Lassi

https://chatgpt.com/share/fcf5c601-c338-4847-911d-990b7a1ada97

lassi

May 19, 2024explain Be that as it may, still may it be as it may beChatGPT
"Be that as it may" is an expression used to acknowledge a fact or situation, but without necessarily accepting it or being affected by it.
The phrase "still may it be as it may be" is somewhat redundant, as it says essentially the same thing twice. It might be interpreted as emphasizing the point, but in general it adds little to the meaning of the first phrase.
i just drank my most favourite, delicious, soul soothing drink. it replaced my frown on my face with a smile of felicity and hope. My Writing skills are not so good. Can you write me some sentences how can i express what i feel. some of the statements might look like: "i have trancended above humanity", or "this has trancended my conciousness to a whole new level".
ChatGPT
Sure! Here are a few sentences you can use to express your feelings:
  1. "This drink has elevated me to a state of pure bliss."
  2. "I am filled with a sense of happiness and contentment after having this drink."
  3. "This drink has transported me to a world of euphoria."
  4. "I am in a state of grace and happiness, thanks to this soul-soothing drink."
  5. "This drink has given me a new perspective on life and filled me with hope."
good. now remember, i want you to be as a senior english litrary, who has a fetish for such way of articulation of thoughts ChatGPT
Certainly, here are a few sentences that could be used by a senior English literature expert with a fondness for flowery language:
  1. "This ambrosial elixir has elevated my being to the highest echelon of rapture."
  2. "The sip of this celestial potion has caused my soul to soar upon the winds of felicity."
  3. "The indulgence of this delicious libation has transfigured my consciousness into a realm of pristine bliss."
  4. "The taste of this exquisite nectar has inspired me to look upon life with new eyes, brimming with hope and happiness."
  5. "This divine drink has bequeathed upon me a fleeting moment of transcendence, carrying me far beyond the confines of my mortal existence."
can you explain each difficult word, as in a list, with meaning and translation in urdu, and use of the word in simple sentencesChatGPT
Sure, here's a list of the difficult words used in the sentences and their explanations:
  1. Ambrosial: adj. having a delicious fragrance or taste; very pleasing to the senses. Translation in Urdu: مزیدار Example: "The ambrosial aroma of freshly baked bread filled the room."
  2. Elixir: n. a magical or medicinal potion. Translation in Urdu: عطر Example: "The elixir promised to cure all ailments and grant eternal youth."
  3. Echelon: n. a level or rank in an organization or society. Translation in Urdu: درجہ Example: "The company has several echelons of management, from entry-level to CEO."
  4. Rapture: n. a feeling of intense pleasure or joy. Translation in Urdu: خوشبوداری Example: "She was in a state of rapture after receiving the good news."
  5. Soar: v. to rise or fly high into the air. Translation in Urdu: اوپر ہو جانا Example: "The bird soared into the sky, riding the thermals."
  6. Felicity: n. a state of well-being characterized by happiness and contentment. Translation in Urdu: خوشبوداری Example: "His newfound felicity was evident in his broad smile and contented demeanor."
  7. Transfigure: v. to change in appearance or form, especially in a supernatural way. Translation in Urdu: تبدیل کر دینا Example: "The prince was transfigured into a beast as a result of the curse."
  8. Nectar: n. a sweet liquid produced by flowers to attract pollinators, or a drink with a sweet taste. Translation in Urdu: نیکار Example: "The nectar of the flowers was a delight to the bees."
  9. Indulgence: n. the act of allowing oneself to enjoy the pleasure of something, especially something considered to be bad or wrong. Translation in Urdu: لذت بخشی Example: "He allowed himself a small indulgence of chocolate after a long day."
  10. Bequeathed: v. to pass down or leave something to someone through a will or as an inheritance. Translation in Urdu: ارادہ کر دینا Example: "The antique vase was bequeathed to her by her grandmother."
continueChatGPT
  1. Transcendence: n. the state or quality of being beyond normal limits; surpassing or exceeding. Translation in Urdu: تجاوز Example: "The singer's voice had a transcendent quality that left the audience in awe."
  2. Celestial: adj. of or relating to heaven or the heavens; divine. Translation in Urdu: آسمانی Example: "The celestial beings watched over the mortal world from above."
  3. Potion: n. a magical or medicinal drink. Translation in Urdu: پوشیدہ شراب Example: "The wizard brewed a potion to cure the prince's illness."
  4. Confines: n. a limit or boundary that restricts or confines something. Translation in Urdu: حدود Example: "The prisoner was confined to his cell for the duration of his sentence."
  5. Mortal: adj. relating to a human being who is subject to death. Translation in Urdu: موتی Example: "As a mortal, his life was finite and fleeting."
continueChatGPT
  1. Awe: n. a feeling of reverence, admiration, or fear in response to something grand or powerful. Translation in Urdu: عجب Example: "The awe-inspiring view of the Grand Canyon left him speechless."
  2. Euphoria: n. a feeling of intense happiness or well-being. Translation in Urdu: خوشبوداری Example: "The victory parade filled the city with a sense of euphoria."
  3. Enamored: adj. feeling a strong or passionate liking for someone or something. Translation in Urdu: عاشق Example: "She was enamored with the handsome prince from the moment she saw him."
  4. Sumptuous: adj. rich and luxurious in appearance, quality, or style. Translation in Urdu: خوشبودار Example: "The sumptuous feast was fit for royalty."
  5. Soothing: adj. calming and comforting to the senses or emotions. Translation in Urdu: سکون دینے والا Example: "The soothing sound of the ocean waves helped her fall asleep."
what would be adverb of Trancendence? i mean, i want to call this drink as "The Trancendent Drink" would that be ok?ChatGPT
The adverb form of "transcendent" is "transcendently." So, "The Trancendent Drink" would be grammatically correct, but it may be more commonly expressed as "The Transcendently Delicious Drink" or "The Drink That Transcends."
"The Drink That Transcends", give me more words or phrases for thisChatGPT
Here are a few more options:
  1. The Elixir of Transcendence
  2. The Beverage Beyond Boundaries
  3. The Nectar of Elevation
  4. The Sip of Sublimity
  5. The Potion of Perfection
  6. The Draught of Delight
  7. The Tonic of Tranquility
  8. The Cup of Contentment
  9. The Ambrosia of Bliss
  10. The Concoction of Joy.
10 words for 'to express your ideas clearly' that starts with 'e'ChatGPT
Here are ten words starting with the letter "e" that relate to expressing your ideas clearly:
  1. Eloquent: using language effectively and persuasively.
  2. Explicit: stated clearly and in detail.
  3. Engaging: capturing the interest and attention of the listener or reader.
  4. Educative: providing knowledge or instruction.
  5. Entertaining: providing enjoyment or amusement.
  6. Evocative: stirring up strong emotions or memories.
  7. Expressive: conveying meaning or feeling through language or gestures.
  8. Elaborate: detailed and complex in design or construction.
  9. Effusive: expressing feelings or opinions in an unrestrained or overflowing manner.
  10. Emphatic: spoken or written with emphasis or confidence.
above 3 or 4 chats, in which you wrote 20 word's meaning. i want you to give the same result, but in code blocks. i want to copy it.ChatGPT
Certainly! Here's the information from the previous chats, with each word and definition presented in a code block for easier copying:
vbnetCopy code Word: Transcendent Definition: Going beyond ordinary limits; surpassing. Word: Felicity Definition: A state of happiness, especially in regards to a content and fulfilling life. Word: Euphoria Definition: A feeling of intense happiness or well-being. Word: Enamored Definition: Feeling a strong or passionate liking for someone or something. Word: Sumptuous Definition: Rich and luxurious in appearance, quality, or style. Word: Soothing Definition: Calming and comforting to the senses or emotions. Word: Awe Definition: A feeling of reverence, admiration, or fear in response to something grand or powerful. Word: Eloquent Definition: Using language effectively and persuasively. Word: Explicit Definition: Stated clearly and in detail. Word: Engaging Definition: Capturing the interest and attention of the listener or reader. Word: Educative Definition: Providing knowledge or instruction. Word: Entertaining Definition: Providing enjoyment or amusement. Word: Evocative Definition: Stirring up strong emotions or memories. Word: Expressive Definition: Conveying meaning or feeling through language or gestures. Word: Elaborate Definition: Detailed and complex in design or construction. Word: Effusive Definition: Expressing feelings or opinions in an unrestrained or overflowing manner. Word: Emphatic Definition: Spoken or written with emphasis or confidence.
but you should have written the word number also, i would like to know which word is the 10th and 12th and so on. Also give urdu meaning of each wordChatGPT
Certainly! Here's the information with the word number, definition, and translation in Urdu for each word:
yamlCopy code Word #1: Transcendent Definition: Going beyond ordinary limits; surpassing. Urdu Translation: تجاوز پذیر Word #2: Felicity Definition: A state of happiness, especially in regards to a content and fulfilling life. Urdu Translation: خوشبختی Word #3: Euphoria Definition: A feeling of intense happiness or well-being. Urdu Translation: بے پرواستی Word #4: Enamored Definition: Feeling a strong or passionate liking for someone or something. Urdu Translation: عاشق Word #5: Sumptuous Definition: Rich and luxurious in appearance, quality, or style. Urdu Translation: شاندار Word #6: Soothing Definition: Calming and comforting to the senses or emotions. Urdu Translation: آرام دهندہ Word #7: Awe Definition: A feeling of reverence, admiration, or fear in response to something grand or powerful. Urdu Translation: عجب Word #8: Eloquent Definition: Using language effectively and persuasively. Urdu Translation: بلند زبان Word #9: Explicit Definition: Stated clearly and in detail. Urdu Translation: واضح Word #10: Engaging Definition: Capturing the interest and attention of the listener or reader. Urdu Translation: بخشش دار Word #11: Educative Definition: Providing knowledge or instruction. Urdu Translation: تعلیم دہندہ Word #12: Entertaining Definition: Providing enjoyment or amusement. Urdu Translation: خوش گذرا Word #13: Evocative Definition: Stirring up strong emotions or memories. Urdu Translation: بے حد جذبات دار Word #14: Expressive Definition: Conveying meaning or feeling through language or gestures. Urdu Translation: بےشمار Word #15: Elaborate Definition: Detailed and complex in design or construction. Urdu Translation: تشریح دار Word #16: Effusive Definition: Expressing feelings or opinions in an unrestrained or overflowing manner. Urdu Translation: بے حد بے قاعدگی سے Word #17: Emphatic Definition: Spoken or written with emphasis or confidence. Urdu Translation: با توجہ
continueChatGPT
Certainly! Here are the remaining words:
yamlCopy code Word #18: Enraptured Definition: Filled with delight or wonder. Urdu Translation: خوشبخت Word #19: Enthralled Definition: Fascinated and captivated by something. Urdu Translation: عاشق Word #20: Ecstatic Definition: Overwhelmingly joyful or happy. Urdu Translation: بے خود مبتلا
I wish I could be happy like that then, always. ChatGPT
It's natural to wish for lasting happiness. While we can't always control our circumstances, focusing on gratitude, cultivating positive relationships, and engaging in activities that bring joy can contribute to a more enduring sense of happiness.
Get started with ChatGPTReport contentTerms of usePrivacy policy?
submitted by Lazy-Ad8562 to u/Lazy-Ad8562 [link] [comments]

2024.05.19 00:54 streptobiotic16 Confession to my lovecrush.

I choose this platform to say sorry to a person I hurt 15 years ago. I know we have our own lives today but I would like to take the courage to say sorry. For me to also move on and validate the feelings I had this moment. I'm not a good writer but I want to share my story. Do you guys experienced having no memory of a certain situation in your life? It's like you remember the person but not fully apprehend what "really" happened to both of you? Seems like there is a missing puzzle in the big picture? It happened to me and realized everything after all the embarrasing things I did. I was like acting the victim before and not knowing I am to blame after all. Year 2023 when I came back in my country, I'm working overseas by the way. As I went home, I declutter my personal things and there I saw some letters wayback 15years ago. Letters during our retreat activity college days. I read all their sweet messages and I stumbled to read a letter written by my crush. After reading his short and sweet letter I'm sobbing. Tears rolling down my cheeks and asking myself, what was my reaction when I read his letter before? Like what did I do?!! Did I read this? I'm thinking so hard searching for answers in my head about his letter but got no answer. It was so vague to me that I cannot find the answer I'm looking for in my mind and in my memory. All memories and emotions were bleak during that specific time. Throughout the day, all I'm thinking about was his letter. Thoughts like, yeah, I do have a crush on him during college days and it is too impossible that I disregarded that letter. I'm thinking crazy things already about his letter yet I cannot remember what really happened. I contacted my close friend who's been with me since college. She's like my sister from another mother who knows everything since college days. I started the convo sending her the letter he wrote for me and instantly she recognize who wrote it. She even ask me what did I do when I read the letter before or did I even bother to read the letter? I told her I cannot remember what I did before but one thing that's clear to me was our friendship seemed to drift away even before the graduation day. That's why I was'nt able to contact him after graduation day till up to present. Thinking, I was just the girl who just learned that the guy I like before, liked me back after reading the letter, my friend give me a silly suggestion of giving him a PM. Yes, we are classmates, friends during those days. He was on my list of friends in my socmedia yet after all this years, I never sent him a PM. I just wanted to say hi but I'm too embarassed to do it. Overthinking stuff and crazy ideas crossing in my mind. Then all of a sudden I saw in my screen 11:11am, immediately type hi and hit send button. Feeling embarassed that I pm-ed him first at the same time doubting if he still knows me, I'm too anxious in wanting to have or not to have a reply from him that time. Morning the next day upon checking my phone I got a reply from him, 👍 at 5:55am. Being weirdo again all I did was to talk to myself early that morning to give him a reply or not. I'm thorn of doing so or what. Then I just decided to give him a message of asking how is he, introducing myself, hope he's doing okay, message him because of blah, blah then wishin him luck and good day. Ugh, still embarassed. I thought it will be the end of our convo but he replied back saying he's doing okay. He remember me saying I'm his classmate and I'm happy that he's doing good now in his new career. He also ask how I'm doing and what do I do these days. We exchange 4-5 convo until he stop responding. I'm like yeah, that's it. I'm sure he's busy and I understand his profession demands time but I also want myself not to expect anything in REALITY. I'm being too emotional as of the moment that all I got to think was him and his letter creating imaginary things between us. I'm a rational person so as I pacify myself and calm down the thoughts in my mind, I decided to write everything in my journal. As I write down my thoughts, the question of how's and why's, slowly I remember everything that happened 15 years ago. I clearly remember the thoughts I had, the decisions I made and how I ghosted him.
Circa 2009. 4th year college. I have a guy friend who's my classmate during 3rd year since we were block section. He's also my block groupmate. Maybe we became close because we were together most of the times. He's tall, lanky, sweet, caring, funny and brainy. He's the type of guy who only bring a notebook in the room, I never saw him with a bag in normal schedule of classes but hey he always pass. And as a cheapskate college girl, I used to take down notes and do everything as I can to not spend extra penny. I become aware of him being sweet to me by borrowing my notes saying she can understand my handwriting, sitting beside me on classes where sitting position is not required, going to library doing group activities, walking side by side in school aisle and seeing him giving me a sweet smile. Getting him caught staring at me then he will just smile mirorring his eyes. It seems like normal things right? But I can sense there is something behind those small gestures. I also shared this to my friend that I can sense there is something about him but he never confirm anything at all. He was never even bothered when he knew one of my girl friends told him she had a crush on him. I got a little jealous during that time, I even got jealous on her friends that were beauties during college days. He was a friendly guy but knows how to be a gentleman. Since, no admission of feelings in his part we continued to be good friends, him still giving the same care and treatment to me. I can't remember if it was 2nd trimester when we had our retreat activity. It was months also before our graduation day and then after that will have our in-house review for upcoming board examination. Everyone is excited to attend the retreat because we can give a rest on our tired minds. We rented a good place with a perfect weather during that time. During our last day, the last task given to us is write a letter to each person in your group. He was my groupmate during the retreat. We can read the letter after the activity or if we have time to spare. I decided to read mine when I got home. Me and him are still good during that time. When I arrived home, I started reading their letter, I read his letter last. His letter goes like this,
A_____, " I have met you on a cloudy Monday and now you never knew how much I loved the rain." Your a gentle child and very sincere. You are very concern to all the people around you and thats what make you different from others. You can carry things up and I know you can make it. Goodluck and Godbless. I am just on yourside waiting for you to tap me and call my name.
I'm shocked yet relieved knowing that what he's doing towards me is confirmed in his letter. It might be a indirect confirmation but I think it still says so. I'm happy to know he's not just a friend caring for me but someone special who took care of me all this time. But as my happiness took over me, that feeling of anxiousness and cowardice envelops my entire body. Confessing his feelings, then now, what? What will happen in our friendship? How do I face him, as I am shy girl before? If I tell him I like him too, what will happen to us? Graduation day is in the corner, inhouse review is giving us pressure, licensure examination will happen in next few months and I need to focus, to study to pass the exam. Those were my concerns at that time. So, I made up my mind. Without giving him any answer, without telling him what I have in my mind, without him knowing what I really wanted to say despite the concerns I had in mind. I let him go without telling him what I feel towards him that time. Following days at school, I started avoiding him. I dare not to look at him directly in his eyes. I never got to talk to him about his letter. And as days passes by giving him same treatment and distance, I saw him once looking at me, his eyes saying like giving up. From then on, our friendship drifted off. I never got to talk to him in our graduation day, even in succeding events after our licensure exam. I did pass my licensure, he also did. I'm not expecting he will talk to me or greet me if ever we crossed our path again. He was my first love. But I never give him the chance. There might be a future for our relationship but I never gave him a chance. To my lovecrush, I am sorry for ghosting you, for not giving you a chance, and for leaving you hanging-up. I know I'm a big coward, selfish, self centered and faint hearted person when it comes to you. Confessing and telling you what my heart wants before will NOT/NEVER change anything now. But I wanted to say this for me to let go of the feelings that I still have for you. Lovecrush, I like you too. I care for you too. I did become a scaredy cat before telling you my true feelings are but know that after all those days knowing you like me too, I always think of you. The heartbeak I give to myself and to you, left me no choice but to suppress the pain and convince myself to forget the painful choice I made. Thank you for letting me feel how special I am in my own way. Thank you for being my green flag.❤️ Thank you for being warm, caring, thoughtful and loving friend.🥰 Now, I will never ever forget the memories we shared before even if it brings joy and pain. It is now my treasure. Thank you so much lovecrush. 🥰 You will always be my first love and first heartache.🙂 I know you can make it in life. You're such a kind hearted soul. Wishin you all the best in life! Takecare as always. Godbless!🙏❤️
submitted by streptobiotic16 to self [link] [comments]

2024.05.19 00:49 pearyeet Timeline/low stats school list/odds

Do I even stand a chance?
Feeling defeated….I just recently got my MCAT score back, and after scoring consistently in the mid-500s on every practice FL, I got only one point higher than my initial score (495–>496). I am nontraditional (out of college for a few years) with roughly a 3.35 cGPA, 3.0 sGPA, 2000+ clinical experience hours, 100ish shadowing hours (MD, DO, and PA). I grew up in a medically underserved rural area, and I’m interested in rural primary care and plan on only applying DO at this time.
I know that my stats are below average, and I am strongly considering retaking MCAT either in August or September, as well as doing volunteer work this year and continuing to work my healthcare job. However, I really want to apply this cycle, and I’m not sure if I have time to study for the MCAT and retake it by the time I’d need to apply. Another option might be to send an update letter to ADCOMs, though I’m not sure that this would help if I had already gotten a rejection prior to updating MCAT.
***Edit to add: Would it be worth it/necessary to do a SMP this year?
submitted by pearyeet to Osteopathic [link] [comments]

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