How to make a smiley face friendship braceletm
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2012.11.06 00:46 ClintonHarvey whitepeoplegifs
Bring your strongest sunscreen, it's about to get bright.
2014.04.08 20:48 Blue1878 A place for UK MUAs to share hauls, tips and everything make-up related!
A UK centered makeup subreddit that is dedicated to finding and sharing the best makeup deals, products and tips easily available in the UK.
2008.12.29 16:27 Rage Comics!
it's still alive! kinda....
2024.05.21 18:33 Livid_Apartment4527 learning how to be independent
I'm a 17-year-old student who's been doing some serious soul-searching lately. One of the hardest truths I've had to face is that I haven't been as emotionally stable as I'd like to be. Instead of facing my problems head-on, I've often sought comfort in the familiarity of my parents' support. But here's the thing: I've come to realize that this pattern has turned me into something I never wanted to be – a leech. Instead of seeking guidance and learning to navigate life's challenges, I've allowed my emotions to dictate my actions, often making me come across as entitled or even bratty. Don't get me wrong – I know I'm intelligent and capable of so much more. But I've let my feelings get the best of me, and it's time for a change. That's why I'm seriously considering the idea of attending boarding school. I see it as an opportunity not only to gain independence but also to work on my emotional growth in a supportive environment. Being away from the familiar comforts of home will force me to confront my emotions and learn to deal with them in a healthier way .I know it won't be easy, and there will undoubtedly be challenges along the way. But I believe that facing these challenges head-on is the only way I'll truly grow as a person. If anyone has struggled with similar issues or has experience with emotional growth and development, I would greatly appreciate your insights and advice. How did you learn to manage your emotions and become more emotionally stable? And for those who attended boarding school, how did the experience contribute to your personal growth? Cost wise i'd be doing it in my home country so boarding is not as expensive., i'm even dedicated to working all summer to pay for it. Or does this idea in general just make me sound even more dependent on my parents. I'm seriously trying to find a better solution. I really need help as i need to realize my parents are not going to be here forever. Life is short i could lose them anytime, i'm thankful and greatful for their efforts as they've provided me with everything and more, but if i don't build this backbone i'm screwed.
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2024.05.21 18:33 Aginagala WWF In Your House - Ground Zero 1997 Review
Welcome back to my running series of WWF PPV Reviews from a ‘blind’ perspective (I have no idea what’s going to happen; the results, the feuds or how good any of the matches will be). I have always heard stories of the attitude era and golden age but never watched it myself so I set myself to watching every single PPV event chronologically. I am also watching Wrestling Bios ‘reliving the war’ series to keep me updated inbetween the events with the feuds, and to get excited about upcoming matches.
Before I review the matches, based on the past few episodes of raw and last PPVs I’ll let you know, going into the event, which match I’m most excited for and which feud I’m most excited to see.
The match and feud I’m most excited to see is Shawn vs undertaker. I mean what needs to be said their feud is absolutely legendary, and with my favourite match of all time coming in the future between these two I cant wait to see how they perform together in these early years.
WWF In Your House - Ground Zero 1997 Match Ratings
Goldust vs Brian Pillman 2/5
Scott putski vs Brian Christopher 1/5
Savio vega vs Faarooq vs Crush 0.25/5
El torito vs Max Mini 1.5/5
Tag Fatal 4 way elimination match 1.75/5
The patriot vs Bret Hart 3.25/5
Shawn Michaels vs Undertaker 4.75/5
I cannot believe they pulled the “she’s my love child” story it’s so funny to look back on these storylines. Goldust and Pillman are set to fight and there’s a huge grudge for Goldust here so I’m hoping to see a physical bout.
Which it wasn’t… while it was a good bout with no botched or anything, and it was better than their Summerslam match. I saw pillman was limited due to an ankle problem he had, which is kinda weird with the amount of running around he did, but they still had a decent match. Honestly though this draw of this match was where the story was going and it definitely went 😂 Pillman managed to win the match by whacking Goldust with a brick concealed in marlenas bag, and literally drags marlena to his car where he drove off with her. Classic wwf is so hilarious.
The next match was the first time I’m seeing putski and Christopher wrestle and it was actually going well until that ending. I thought they pulled off some very clean looking spots but the crowd was completely dead for almost all of this match, especially after the match, just no one seemed to care. I didn’t really care for this Brian Christopher he was laughing like a clown or something, not even a figure of speech it was literally like a clown. He might’ve been trying to impersonate Lawler but it was just weird. I’m not sure if putski was actually injured or not it was pretty hard to tell but this match seemed like it was 3 or 4 minutes long of pretty dull action.
Going into the next match and honestly I’m pretty bored of these pointless gang wars but let’s see if it can deliver. Maybe rock will get involved and liven it up but all three competitors in this triple threat have yet to put on a good show during my journey through the new gen/attitude era. Also I feel like this is the first triple threat match I’ve seen since KOTR 1996 so there’s some level of excitement for me as it can make for a really entertaining match when done right.
I was surprised to see crush get a pop as I hadn’t heard one before when he made his entrance, but a big biker dude coming in on a massive Harley will get an American crowd going I suppose 😂. But oh man once the match got going there was actually boos going throughout the stadium for the last 1/3 of it. They were trying some weird thing where they played on the fact that they both used to be part of the NOD in which they’d team with farooq on sadio vega but oh my lord it didn’t work at all, it just came off like they had no idea what they were doing. There were no highlights at all, and the last 5 minutes was crush throwing vega out the ring to use moves solo on farooq to which he’d come back in the ring, break the pin and repeat the process. Then he randomly wants to team with crush after all that?? It made no sense at all and was just a bad match, the crowd wasn’t into it and booed during quite a bit of the match, big miss.
I’m just gunna call it a ‘mini-match’ and I’m sure you’ll know what I’m talking about but it ended up being entertaining for what it was in all fairness, much better than the match I’d just seen anyway. It was more of a funny performance than a match; they both end up biting everyone’s asses? Including the referee, and mini goes and steals lawyers crown too. El torito is bloody nuts, his character is basically to act like a bull so he chases refs and officials around trying to headbutt them, fu**ing nuts 😂. I do think it went on a little too long though, if they’re going to book this kind of match then it should be short and sweet filler rather than dragging it on. There was however a pretty good looking springboard move close to the end so that was cool. There were some impressive moves and the crowd was getting involved but It’s just some filler while the show gets going in the end.
Very good idea having dude love and Austin come out inbetween the matches to relinquish the titles as this crowd REALLY needed some livening up after the past hour of the show. And when Steve starts his promo the crowd eats up every second of it and it’s no surprise because he kills it as usual, what a breath of fresh air SCSA is in the WWF during this era. He’s throwing insults to Vince, to the sergeant to JR and it’s f***ing brilliant. It’s cool seeing dude love backing him up as well I think they actually make a really cool looking tag team. And then out of god damn nowhere he delivers a stunner to JR and the crowd absolutely loses it. I would say at this point he is truly the face of the WWF and it really does suck that he suffered that neck injury and couldn’t wrestle properly for a while, having to change his entire wrestling style because of it, but it was never to his detriment, we’re truly in the stone cold era now.
Before the fatal four way, while the LOD get interviewed I couldn’t help but notice how young Michael Cole looks, I mean obviously it’s over 25 years ago but still cool seeing how long he’s been involved.
I really don’t understand these fatal four way tag matches, they always come off weirdly as you can have two people from the same team in the ring that have to wrestle… but it makes no sense because why not just tag someone else in? I don’t know it’s a weird dynamic and I’m not surprised they dropped this type of match in the future.
It’s a shame LOD was the first to be eliminated because they randomly started beating the godwinns with a metal bucket? It makes 0 sense for them to blindly DQ themselves from getting the tag titles since they were crowd favourites, but okay you do you Vince. I wanted them to win too. I know a few people don’t care for LOD but they’re top 2 tag teams in the wwf right now beside Owen and bulldog. The godwinns get eliminated next (thank god), and they just feel like the most filler tag team I’ve ever seen they’re SOOO bland and basic, they don’t even play up to their hillbilly characters anymore which is a new level of bad I won’t lie. I was really REALLY surprised that headbangers took away the belts though, with the massive push of the hart foundation I thought it was a no brainer. It was awesome seeing Austin come in and disrupt the match, he absolutely brings the whole arena completely alive whenever he does anything. Overall though the match was bad and it went on far too long even with four teams. I think the ending was pretty fun but that was only about 2 minutes of the match that was entertaining the rest just felt veryyyy slow.
Man this event has really gotta pull out some f***ing 5/5 main events for it to be worth watching because we’re 1 hour 45 minutes in without a match over 2/5 at most.
When I hear Kurt angles theme playing I was so happy, excited, confused, and then disappointed when I realised it was 3 or 4 years too early. I had no idea they kept this theme and used it for Kurt angle as well as patriot.
I have a small inkling that Bret hart didn’t perform as well as he could’ve in this match because he was annoyed about Shawn getting the top spot after everything that’s gone down and him working more regularly recently than Shawn. Patriot wasn’t a bad wrestler but his character was extremely bland, what would happen after this feud? He’d just be a guy that’s proud to be from America that looks like a Mexican wrestler… in the time of big characters making the main events he unfortunately doesn’t really fit in that well. His in ring ability was good though, no botches or anything but I just couldn’t really feel myself getting into this match. I didn’t really know if they’d book patriot in to take the wwf title as I was pretty sure they wouldn’t want hart to lose his title being such a huge name in the business right now. It was pretty fun when Vader and bulldog came out for some extra drama with them interfering with each of the wrestlers but it’s not a good sign when a match needs drama like that to elevate it. It’s better than what we’ve seen tonight but not particularly worth watching. If you love Bret hart give it a watch as he was his usual fantastic in ring performer but it’s not one of his best for sure. The crowd was really into it, making the hard camera shake chanting “USA USA”, so that was cool, but I’m not entirely sure if it’s because of the crowd or because it was such a small venue. Also worth noting Bret hart is a perfect heel character, he’s a massive star with a character that works perfectly as a heel because he sprinkles some IRL elements into everything he does. The move of breaking the American flag pole and the strangling patriot with the flag is just brilliant, makes it that extra bit more believable and I love it, Americans however must’ve hated it!
Shawn Michaels entrance was so hilarious, he gets hit by a… idk what that even was, a brown cabbage? He makes BJ notions to the crowd, his pyro doesn’t go off properly in the ring like it usually does, and he still pulled it off because he’s HBK, fantastic. This FEELS like main event material though and I’m really excited for it. Sometimes main events don’t really build up properly and just haven’t got that hype behind it but this match should be great. The first of many times we’d see these legends in the ring together.
Starting off the match right too with undertaker taking out the referee and allowing undertaker to take it to the outside and absolutely lay into Michael’s without a count out. I absolutely loved Shawn’s selling during this match too, it’s so over the top that it’s brilliant, with one of his famous vertical presses while he gets kicked in the belly whilst in the corner, love it. Him begging to the ref to dq undertaker, trying to escape through the door of the set and banging on the door, it all works really well and he plays up undertakers character perfectly. I hate when wrestlers forget they’re supposed to play up this undertaker being very scary it really takes away immersion but Shawn does it perfectly. The boos for undertaker seem to be from the women only and the cheers for Shawn seem to be from the women only, of course 😂. I also love seeing the origins of d generation x, one of my all time favourite tag teams as I’m sure is the same with everyone else. HHH makes his way down to the ring with a referee to replace the numerous ones that have been taken out during this match, and they are just the perfect team together I love it.
The actual match I thought was really really fun. It was absolute chaos and maybe not a wrestling masterclass but you can’t deny it was fun. From start to finish we go through 3 referees, we get strangling with power chords, we get triple H and HBK telling the crowd to suck it, and an amazing back and forth showcase from Michael’s and undertaker. I think this match did an absolutely fantastic job and reinstating the undertaker as the most intimidating wrestler in the wwf. The poor referees during this match though, they got absolutely abused. The only thing I didn’t like about this match was the ending. Another random referee comes to the ring to end the match as a DQ, which is a really stupid ending because illegal stuff had already happened when the other referees came to the ring so why wouldn’t they have ended it then? The action continues after the match with undertaker almost soloing Michael’s and HHH. More officials come to the ring as Michael’s beats the hell out of them. And then other wrestlers are forced to come to the ring to try and break the two up which was awesome to see. This really sets up further matches between the two, and I think that’s was the whole idea of the match which worked well, it’s just that I hate these random DQ endings to main events. We see the undertaker flying over the top rope for… I think the first time? Correct me if I’m wrong but I’m pretty sure that’s the first time I’ve seen it in this era which was of course AWESOME!! Overall a really fun match that sets up for further main events but it’s held back by its weird and stupid decision. It’s still well worth a watch if you enjoy this feud however.
Overall, whilst the main event hit all the right places for me I just don’t think the WWF was ready for a 3 hour event yet. They simply didn’t have the roster for it to be enjoyable and so many of these matches went way longer than they had any business doing. I think Bret hart is always gunna deliver so he was fun to watch but it just want one of his best but the main event hit in every single way apart from the finish which I understand is setting up for further matches but ughhhh it was done weirdly and poorly. If you’re gunna watch this event, skip everything but the main event it’s just not worth sitting through everything else.
Overall rating 2.75/5
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Before I review the matches, based on the past few episodes of raw and last PPVs I’ll let you know, going into the event, which match I’m most excited for and which feud I’m most excited to see.
The match and feud I’m most excited to see is Shawn vs undertaker. I mean what needs to be said their feud is absolutely legendary, and with my favourite match of all time coming in the future between these two I cant wait to see how they perform together in these early years.
WWF In Your House - Ground Zero 1997 Match Ratings
Goldust vs Brian Pillman 2/5
Scott putski vs Brian Christopher 1/5
Savio vega vs Faarooq vs Crush 0.25/5
El torito vs Max Mini 1.5/5
Tag Fatal 4 way elimination match 1.75/5
The patriot vs Bret Hart 3.25/5
Shawn Michaels vs Undertaker 4.75/5
I cannot believe they pulled the “she’s my love child” story it’s so funny to look back on these storylines. Goldust and Pillman are set to fight and there’s a huge grudge for Goldust here so I’m hoping to see a physical bout.
Which it wasn’t… while it was a good bout with no botched or anything, and it was better than their Summerslam match. I saw pillman was limited due to an ankle problem he had, which is kinda weird with the amount of running around he did, but they still had a decent match. Honestly though this draw of this match was where the story was going and it definitely went 😂 Pillman managed to win the match by whacking Goldust with a brick concealed in marlenas bag, and literally drags marlena to his car where he drove off with her. Classic wwf is so hilarious.
The next match was the first time I’m seeing putski and Christopher wrestle and it was actually going well until that ending. I thought they pulled off some very clean looking spots but the crowd was completely dead for almost all of this match, especially after the match, just no one seemed to care. I didn’t really care for this Brian Christopher he was laughing like a clown or something, not even a figure of speech it was literally like a clown. He might’ve been trying to impersonate Lawler but it was just weird. I’m not sure if putski was actually injured or not it was pretty hard to tell but this match seemed like it was 3 or 4 minutes long of pretty dull action.
Going into the next match and honestly I’m pretty bored of these pointless gang wars but let’s see if it can deliver. Maybe rock will get involved and liven it up but all three competitors in this triple threat have yet to put on a good show during my journey through the new gen/attitude era. Also I feel like this is the first triple threat match I’ve seen since KOTR 1996 so there’s some level of excitement for me as it can make for a really entertaining match when done right.
I was surprised to see crush get a pop as I hadn’t heard one before when he made his entrance, but a big biker dude coming in on a massive Harley will get an American crowd going I suppose 😂. But oh man once the match got going there was actually boos going throughout the stadium for the last 1/3 of it. They were trying some weird thing where they played on the fact that they both used to be part of the NOD in which they’d team with farooq on sadio vega but oh my lord it didn’t work at all, it just came off like they had no idea what they were doing. There were no highlights at all, and the last 5 minutes was crush throwing vega out the ring to use moves solo on farooq to which he’d come back in the ring, break the pin and repeat the process. Then he randomly wants to team with crush after all that?? It made no sense at all and was just a bad match, the crowd wasn’t into it and booed during quite a bit of the match, big miss.
I’m just gunna call it a ‘mini-match’ and I’m sure you’ll know what I’m talking about but it ended up being entertaining for what it was in all fairness, much better than the match I’d just seen anyway. It was more of a funny performance than a match; they both end up biting everyone’s asses? Including the referee, and mini goes and steals lawyers crown too. El torito is bloody nuts, his character is basically to act like a bull so he chases refs and officials around trying to headbutt them, fu**ing nuts 😂. I do think it went on a little too long though, if they’re going to book this kind of match then it should be short and sweet filler rather than dragging it on. There was however a pretty good looking springboard move close to the end so that was cool. There were some impressive moves and the crowd was getting involved but It’s just some filler while the show gets going in the end.
Very good idea having dude love and Austin come out inbetween the matches to relinquish the titles as this crowd REALLY needed some livening up after the past hour of the show. And when Steve starts his promo the crowd eats up every second of it and it’s no surprise because he kills it as usual, what a breath of fresh air SCSA is in the WWF during this era. He’s throwing insults to Vince, to the sergeant to JR and it’s f***ing brilliant. It’s cool seeing dude love backing him up as well I think they actually make a really cool looking tag team. And then out of god damn nowhere he delivers a stunner to JR and the crowd absolutely loses it. I would say at this point he is truly the face of the WWF and it really does suck that he suffered that neck injury and couldn’t wrestle properly for a while, having to change his entire wrestling style because of it, but it was never to his detriment, we’re truly in the stone cold era now.
Before the fatal four way, while the LOD get interviewed I couldn’t help but notice how young Michael Cole looks, I mean obviously it’s over 25 years ago but still cool seeing how long he’s been involved.
I really don’t understand these fatal four way tag matches, they always come off weirdly as you can have two people from the same team in the ring that have to wrestle… but it makes no sense because why not just tag someone else in? I don’t know it’s a weird dynamic and I’m not surprised they dropped this type of match in the future.
It’s a shame LOD was the first to be eliminated because they randomly started beating the godwinns with a metal bucket? It makes 0 sense for them to blindly DQ themselves from getting the tag titles since they were crowd favourites, but okay you do you Vince. I wanted them to win too. I know a few people don’t care for LOD but they’re top 2 tag teams in the wwf right now beside Owen and bulldog. The godwinns get eliminated next (thank god), and they just feel like the most filler tag team I’ve ever seen they’re SOOO bland and basic, they don’t even play up to their hillbilly characters anymore which is a new level of bad I won’t lie. I was really REALLY surprised that headbangers took away the belts though, with the massive push of the hart foundation I thought it was a no brainer. It was awesome seeing Austin come in and disrupt the match, he absolutely brings the whole arena completely alive whenever he does anything. Overall though the match was bad and it went on far too long even with four teams. I think the ending was pretty fun but that was only about 2 minutes of the match that was entertaining the rest just felt veryyyy slow.
Man this event has really gotta pull out some f***ing 5/5 main events for it to be worth watching because we’re 1 hour 45 minutes in without a match over 2/5 at most.
When I hear Kurt angles theme playing I was so happy, excited, confused, and then disappointed when I realised it was 3 or 4 years too early. I had no idea they kept this theme and used it for Kurt angle as well as patriot.
I have a small inkling that Bret hart didn’t perform as well as he could’ve in this match because he was annoyed about Shawn getting the top spot after everything that’s gone down and him working more regularly recently than Shawn. Patriot wasn’t a bad wrestler but his character was extremely bland, what would happen after this feud? He’d just be a guy that’s proud to be from America that looks like a Mexican wrestler… in the time of big characters making the main events he unfortunately doesn’t really fit in that well. His in ring ability was good though, no botches or anything but I just couldn’t really feel myself getting into this match. I didn’t really know if they’d book patriot in to take the wwf title as I was pretty sure they wouldn’t want hart to lose his title being such a huge name in the business right now. It was pretty fun when Vader and bulldog came out for some extra drama with them interfering with each of the wrestlers but it’s not a good sign when a match needs drama like that to elevate it. It’s better than what we’ve seen tonight but not particularly worth watching. If you love Bret hart give it a watch as he was his usual fantastic in ring performer but it’s not one of his best for sure. The crowd was really into it, making the hard camera shake chanting “USA USA”, so that was cool, but I’m not entirely sure if it’s because of the crowd or because it was such a small venue. Also worth noting Bret hart is a perfect heel character, he’s a massive star with a character that works perfectly as a heel because he sprinkles some IRL elements into everything he does. The move of breaking the American flag pole and the strangling patriot with the flag is just brilliant, makes it that extra bit more believable and I love it, Americans however must’ve hated it!
Shawn Michaels entrance was so hilarious, he gets hit by a… idk what that even was, a brown cabbage? He makes BJ notions to the crowd, his pyro doesn’t go off properly in the ring like it usually does, and he still pulled it off because he’s HBK, fantastic. This FEELS like main event material though and I’m really excited for it. Sometimes main events don’t really build up properly and just haven’t got that hype behind it but this match should be great. The first of many times we’d see these legends in the ring together.
Starting off the match right too with undertaker taking out the referee and allowing undertaker to take it to the outside and absolutely lay into Michael’s without a count out. I absolutely loved Shawn’s selling during this match too, it’s so over the top that it’s brilliant, with one of his famous vertical presses while he gets kicked in the belly whilst in the corner, love it. Him begging to the ref to dq undertaker, trying to escape through the door of the set and banging on the door, it all works really well and he plays up undertakers character perfectly. I hate when wrestlers forget they’re supposed to play up this undertaker being very scary it really takes away immersion but Shawn does it perfectly. The boos for undertaker seem to be from the women only and the cheers for Shawn seem to be from the women only, of course 😂. I also love seeing the origins of d generation x, one of my all time favourite tag teams as I’m sure is the same with everyone else. HHH makes his way down to the ring with a referee to replace the numerous ones that have been taken out during this match, and they are just the perfect team together I love it.
The actual match I thought was really really fun. It was absolute chaos and maybe not a wrestling masterclass but you can’t deny it was fun. From start to finish we go through 3 referees, we get strangling with power chords, we get triple H and HBK telling the crowd to suck it, and an amazing back and forth showcase from Michael’s and undertaker. I think this match did an absolutely fantastic job and reinstating the undertaker as the most intimidating wrestler in the wwf. The poor referees during this match though, they got absolutely abused. The only thing I didn’t like about this match was the ending. Another random referee comes to the ring to end the match as a DQ, which is a really stupid ending because illegal stuff had already happened when the other referees came to the ring so why wouldn’t they have ended it then? The action continues after the match with undertaker almost soloing Michael’s and HHH. More officials come to the ring as Michael’s beats the hell out of them. And then other wrestlers are forced to come to the ring to try and break the two up which was awesome to see. This really sets up further matches between the two, and I think that’s was the whole idea of the match which worked well, it’s just that I hate these random DQ endings to main events. We see the undertaker flying over the top rope for… I think the first time? Correct me if I’m wrong but I’m pretty sure that’s the first time I’ve seen it in this era which was of course AWESOME!! Overall a really fun match that sets up for further main events but it’s held back by its weird and stupid decision. It’s still well worth a watch if you enjoy this feud however.
Overall, whilst the main event hit all the right places for me I just don’t think the WWF was ready for a 3 hour event yet. They simply didn’t have the roster for it to be enjoyable and so many of these matches went way longer than they had any business doing. I think Bret hart is always gunna deliver so he was fun to watch but it just want one of his best but the main event hit in every single way apart from the finish which I understand is setting up for further matches but ughhhh it was done weirdly and poorly. If you’re gunna watch this event, skip everything but the main event it’s just not worth sitting through everything else.
Overall rating 2.75/5
2024.05.21 18:33 zachm182 How to stop facial hair from growing so fast?
I’m 25, my facial hair grows extremely fast, and I don’t look good with stubble/a beard, so I shave every day or two, but the same day I already have stubble. It irritates my face a ton and makes it red no matter how much I moisturize, and it’s driving me crazy. Is there anything I can do to stop the hair from growing so quickly?
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2024.05.21 18:31 astrohoe11 Am I wrong for ghosting one of my “friends”?
Am I wrong for soft ghosting one of my “friends”?
Wow, this one might me a long one.
So I moved to (undisclosed location) sometime in the beginning of last year. When I moved here I really had no friends but became heavily involved in this yoga studio I went to and slowly but surely started to make friends/acquaintances with the teacher that instructed me.
From afar she seemed super cool and I became pretty enthralled with her and her life. I would look forward so heavily to going to her classes every week and was quite intrigued by her. I thought she was funny, bubbly, spunky, cool, and always made jokes during class that made me laugh. As months went by I found myself wanting to get closer and closer to her, and she even invited me out one time to one of her “events” she was hosting. Here’s the thing;
It seemed like we had a lot in common and was just generally craving camaraderie and connection. I felt a sense of belonging with her and wanted to expand that energy in my life, and wanted to do anything I could to get closer to her for those reasons. But I guess this is where we have the first red flag;
One day after class, she extended an invitation to me to a meet up of sorts, (I’m being sparing with details just out of fear she might read this) and when she invited me it seemed like it was gonna be this big thing with lots of people invited, and just in general in talking to her it seemed as if she was very well connected and respected within her community, had lots of friends and connects, and I thought this was gonna be a huge thing that I was even lucky to be invited to. I was super stoked and exited about it.
However when the day of the event came, I was super tired and slow to getting up that morning. I figured I would just make my way over whenever I could since it seemed causal and like you could drop in whenever. I also figured there would be more than enough people that no one would really even notice my arrival or departure. (Plus, sometimes it’s chic to be fashionably late ;) ). Well…. I was most definitely wrong.
When I showed up I heard someone excitedly shout my name, which was her, and she waved me down to the “meet up”…. There was literally only one person there and it had been going on for 2+ hours. I was definitely a bit unnerved, but also didn’t want to be rude, and like I said I was just kind of happy to be there and be getting invited to things. But it was kinda like, damn…. Are these all the friends you have?
I had dressed up and looked cute but they were just kind of wearing whatever and I felt awkward and overdressed and also embarrassed now that I was even this late because it was clearly much more intimate than I expected and my arrival/absence was DEFINITELY felt. We had chatted a bit and that was cool but then I remember her confessing me that she had cried to her husband earlier that morning that she was scared nobody was going to show up and how thrilled she was that not only one, but TWO people had showed up and that it felt like she had friends. I wasn’t really sure what to say or make of that.
She also…. The whole time (and mind you, this is our first legitimate interaction out of yoga class) just kind of kept talking maniacally AT me, not to me, and was coming off almost even manic, and she had formed a white crust of spit around her mouth probably from talking so much that I couldn’t look away from. To say the least, I was a bit disturbed coming away from this interaction but I just kept telling myself that I was being too judgmental of her and to give it a chance and that maybe she was just hyper that day and that I had probably had unintentional embarrassing hygiene moments as well. So I keep going to class and that’s that.
There were several other red flag moments between this first interaction and the next one, mostly just her incredibly cringey social media presence that I genuinely almost couldn’t stand to see without feeling like I was withering away inside, but maybe I’ll save that for later. It’s almost like I couldn’t just see that the person I thought was so cool in class and the person I was seeing her be online and outside of class were the same people. But I digress.
She had actually ended up inviting me to go with her on one of her international yoga retreats, and I was actually very excited about this. I had very little time with her in between classes, and my attraction (but also repulsion) with her was growing stronger and I wanted to figure her out and see what she was really about and what the pull I was feeling towards her was about. Plus, I love travelling and just thought it would be fun.
I had a pretty good time, but we didn’t get to talk much, HOWEVER, I do remember this distinct point during the trip where it was myself, 2-3 other fiends I had made, her brother, and her “best friend” who had happened to be her brother’s Gf in a room together, talking. the brother, the best friend, and the other friend I made just all completely started talking shit about her and I was so confused.
I felt super hurt by this actually, bc I felt like I had a inexplicable bond with the teacher who had invited me, she was the reason we were all there in that beautiful place, and I just couldn’t understand why they were choosing to be so negative about someone I thought they had claimed (at least by title) to love. They would say things like “I can’t fucking stand your sister” (one of the friends I made to the brother) and everyone would just sigh and put their hands in their head and be like “I know…. I know. It’s a lot. She’s a lot”. And I didn’t have anything to add to the conversation because I was just so confused and I knew the girl would just be so upset if she heard them saying this. Anyway… that confusion stuck with me for a while after.
Fast forward maybe a month or two, I started hanging out with her more regularly myself outside of class. I would say this is when we became more “friends”. She would invite me to other teachers classes and we would talk a lot about our lives.
I learned how she felt about her close friend and family connections, and how she often felt hurt and betrayed by people close to her and how some of her friends were actually really shady. I just got a general sense of her feeling scapegoated and libeled against by ppl that got close to her and how she had walls up for that reason.
She also shared to me that most of her family was cut off, with the exception of her brother who she had recently rekindled a connection with, hence why he was on that trip. I felt very bad for her and wanted to be a source of comfort and support, and she would often comment on how she felt a sense of camaraderie with me since I also (LITERALLY) had no family and how we have to make our chosen family. This was a sweet sentiment, for sure, but I was still sussing out how I felt about her.
So one day, a mutual friend that had been on the trip with us was having a birthday party and I guess that she was invited to it, too. She sat down next to me and I was SUPER excited to see her as I was craving her energy and hadn’t seen her in some time. But then… idk. She had had a lot to drink. I’m fully aware that she’s kind of a quirky individual, and has a way of socializing which I can sometimes find a bit uncomfortable or even intense, (like the first meetup I spoke of) but this time it was even more and seemed to be heightened by the drinking.
Her husband was sitting on her other side and kept trying to interject and insinuate that maybe she was doing a bit much, but I think she was drunk enough to the point that she just found it funny and had no awareness of how she was coming off. There’s not even a way I can describe it really, but she just seemed a bit obsessive over me and kept making jokes that were literally not funny and seemed to have lost all ability to read the room. I also had noticed that she had only had TWO beers and was acting like this already which I found… really strange.
So at some point she goes to the bathroom, and I also get in line for the bathroom about 5 mins later. When I get up to the bathroom, she’s still in there, and there’s a line of about 2 or 3 people ahead of me. When she exits the bathroom she immediately spots me and rushes up to me and just starts… drunkenly spewing.
I can’t even remember what she was saying, but we were in a pretty high class establishment and I remember her gushing over me and was saying “I just want to let you know that I don’t really have friends or let people close to me in my circle but I just want to let you know that YOU are officially in my circle and you have earned friend status to me and I’ve let you in my circle…” or something like that. And I just kept thinking, who tf even says that??? I’m pretty sure the last time I checked that friendship is a two way street and it’s not just a title we bestow onto some “lucky” person and that’s that. Like girl… let ME decide if I want to be friends too first.
It was partially that, and also the way she was drunkenly spewing was so awkward and embarrassing bc I could tell all the other women in line were like who tf is this bitch and why is she saying all this weird stuff and like, does she even know you?? Lol. Just a very odd interaction which again, I kind of wrote off, but the unsettling feeling kind of just kept growing after that point.
Then, the time that I REALLY knew something was up came up about a month later, but there are still some key details of this story that are missing. Perhaps I will discuss them later.
SO. About a month later, she invited me last minute to this concert of sorts. When I got there, I was super excited to be there, the vibes were amazing and we were having so much fun. But she had definitely had a lot, A LOT to drink. I didn’t mind at first, because everyone there seemed severely under the influence, but she would just start randomly kind of lashing out at people in the crowd and she thought it was funny? She first loudly and audibly started making fun of some guys shoes in front of us, and was trying to laugh with me as if I would join in, but when his girl friend turned around and shot her a dirty look, she had the nerve to be self conscious and mad about it. She would loudly poke fun at other people in the crowd too, but not in a ha-ha way, just in a straight up mean and asshole way and I could not understand why she would even do that or why she thought that was funny.
Again, I kind of just awkwardly laughed and brushed it off. But when all was said and done and the concert was closing, she enthusiastically invited me back to go to her house and soak in her hot tub. I kept saying are you sure?? But she was like please, PLEASE come, we have weed, we’ll smoke you out and other things and I wanted to continue the vibes because it sounded fun. And then….. completely downhill.
I had arrived back at their place before she did, but as soon as I saw them go in I knocked. When I walked in, she was pale faced up on the floor, non verbal, pretty much motionless, and staring at the ceiling. I was like oh no… it seemed like she got a bit too much to drink. I waited patiently there for a few mins, unsure of what to do as I had just drove for 45 mins and I was still 25 mins in the opposite direction away from home.
I kind of just sat around, and hoped that she would sober up. I asked if she was drunk… she said no. She ran to her bathroom multiple times while her husband (a complete socially awkward case himself) tried to take care of her while she threw up. I asked her if she puked and she also said no. So I didn’t really know what to do. I was trying to offer support/ empathy but she just kept denying any claims of anything being amiss. Her husband left to pick up a pizza and I probably just should’ve left but I’m telling you I had no idea how to exit their house without making it weird or awkward. And I also was hungry. So I just stayed… and waited for the pizza.
What happened in those 20-30 mins, I don’t even know if I can fully explain. She just became… so FUCKING WEIRD. she clearly was embarrassed that I was seeing her drunk, and I think was trying to over compensate. But she just turned into an absolute freak show and I’ve never been more uncomfortable in my life.
She started hoola hooping in my face, and making these weird gremlin faces and noises at me, fell to the floor, rolled round on the floor while continuing to make the noises, convulsed on the floor, but tried to do it in a funny way, tried to make an interpretive dance for me… I’ve truly never experienced something so uncomfortable in my life. I probably do sound like an asshole, but I swear you would just have to be there to see how a) gross and b) weird and actually scary it was. I was genuinely frightened.
I’ve never seen anyone act like that and I didn’t want to make her more uncomfortable or weird by showing her how clearly uncomfortable I actually was. so I just sat there and tried to laugh. But it probably came off as more of a grimace. And for the record, this woman is 33. I am 26. It was just. Obscene.
And she’s tried to act like and say multiple times that she’s like my “big sister”. Now I’ve seen a lot of drunk behavior, but not this. I wolfed down my pizza, and so did she, and she started to get even more philosophical and weird on me, showing me songs and art which were quite frankly some of the worst things I’ve ever heard in my life, and I left as soon as I could.
I was so shaken and disturbed coming away from this, because like I said earlier, I thought she was a cool girl, but honestly her behavior and lack of control over herself completely terrified me. And it’s not like she was drinking liquor, it was just damn IPAs. And I just did not know what to do.
Some details I will try to add to this story, even though I know it’s monolithic at this point , is that 2 months prior to this she had gotten fired from the studio she worked at.
She had a mental breakdown during class because the manager was being mean to her, and he fired her on the spot. I remember being so angry with the owner, (honestly he IS a piece of shit human being) but I thought he was being sexist by calling her mentally unstable and I thought the way he handled things was unfair.
I went so far as to boycott the studio and completely remove myself from it in support of her and followed her to her new one. After the drunk #2 incident, I didn’t hang out with her very much, and only saw her during her class as I was locked into a certain number of classes I had paid for.
I remember her telling me that she had just started at ANOTHER studio, and got fired 3 days after on her birthday and she was talking about how unfair it was and how much of an asshole that new girl was for firing her… and I believed her. AGAIN.
I went so far as to block that girl on Instagram too, but deep down I kind of knew that she had probably just been fired bc let’s face it… as I was starting to discover, she WAS a lot. and the studio was in an upper class area , catered towards more upper echelon people, and I just don’t think she was fitting that image. I lent her an empathetic ear, because that’s all I would want in that situation.
But where she fucked up was sending me screenshot proof of the text exchange between her and that girl, thinking I would take her side, and later sending me screenshots of another conversation she had with the OTHER manager. She told me that this new girl fired her for bringing her husband to class. In my mind I was like, oh no, is she racist!?! Because her husband was black. But no, that’s not what I read at all.
It was the most reasonable, level headed response to someone ever, and laid out multiple offenses and reasons she didn’t want her at the studio. The reasons were honestly so embarrassing that I don’t know why she would send it to me and think I would side with her. She recently also sent me messages with the other boss and the last thing he says to her is “I hope you get help for your mental illness because whatever you have is serious and will impact all your relationships and business and things that you do”. And honestly I can now say in retrospect that those were the truest words ever spoken.
When I read these texts, I had a look back at my whole relationship with and how she would always paint everyone else to be the villain and how everyone is so mean to HER… and the whole time the common denominator was her. It was always her. And it made me rethink everything.
I’ve even had extensive conversations with some of the other people on her trip that were talking shit and couldn’t stand her and they all told me the same things. How it seemed like she was the coolest person ever and had her shit together and seemed like she was going places… but deep down she was just an absolute mess and pushed everyone away from her. And I no longer felt like I was going crazy.
But like I said, she formed a really close bond with me (I think from her perspective) and said she felt like my big sister and family, and shared all these stories about her feeling isolated and shut out by people, but now here I am, doing the exact same thing to her. Icing her out of my life. And I just wanna ask you guys…
Am the asshole?
submitted by astrohoe11 to ghosting [link] [comments]
Wow, this one might me a long one.
So I moved to (undisclosed location) sometime in the beginning of last year. When I moved here I really had no friends but became heavily involved in this yoga studio I went to and slowly but surely started to make friends/acquaintances with the teacher that instructed me.
From afar she seemed super cool and I became pretty enthralled with her and her life. I would look forward so heavily to going to her classes every week and was quite intrigued by her. I thought she was funny, bubbly, spunky, cool, and always made jokes during class that made me laugh. As months went by I found myself wanting to get closer and closer to her, and she even invited me out one time to one of her “events” she was hosting. Here’s the thing;
It seemed like we had a lot in common and was just generally craving camaraderie and connection. I felt a sense of belonging with her and wanted to expand that energy in my life, and wanted to do anything I could to get closer to her for those reasons. But I guess this is where we have the first red flag;
One day after class, she extended an invitation to me to a meet up of sorts, (I’m being sparing with details just out of fear she might read this) and when she invited me it seemed like it was gonna be this big thing with lots of people invited, and just in general in talking to her it seemed as if she was very well connected and respected within her community, had lots of friends and connects, and I thought this was gonna be a huge thing that I was even lucky to be invited to. I was super stoked and exited about it.
However when the day of the event came, I was super tired and slow to getting up that morning. I figured I would just make my way over whenever I could since it seemed causal and like you could drop in whenever. I also figured there would be more than enough people that no one would really even notice my arrival or departure. (Plus, sometimes it’s chic to be fashionably late ;) ). Well…. I was most definitely wrong.
When I showed up I heard someone excitedly shout my name, which was her, and she waved me down to the “meet up”…. There was literally only one person there and it had been going on for 2+ hours. I was definitely a bit unnerved, but also didn’t want to be rude, and like I said I was just kind of happy to be there and be getting invited to things. But it was kinda like, damn…. Are these all the friends you have?
I had dressed up and looked cute but they were just kind of wearing whatever and I felt awkward and overdressed and also embarrassed now that I was even this late because it was clearly much more intimate than I expected and my arrival/absence was DEFINITELY felt. We had chatted a bit and that was cool but then I remember her confessing me that she had cried to her husband earlier that morning that she was scared nobody was going to show up and how thrilled she was that not only one, but TWO people had showed up and that it felt like she had friends. I wasn’t really sure what to say or make of that.
She also…. The whole time (and mind you, this is our first legitimate interaction out of yoga class) just kind of kept talking maniacally AT me, not to me, and was coming off almost even manic, and she had formed a white crust of spit around her mouth probably from talking so much that I couldn’t look away from. To say the least, I was a bit disturbed coming away from this interaction but I just kept telling myself that I was being too judgmental of her and to give it a chance and that maybe she was just hyper that day and that I had probably had unintentional embarrassing hygiene moments as well. So I keep going to class and that’s that.
There were several other red flag moments between this first interaction and the next one, mostly just her incredibly cringey social media presence that I genuinely almost couldn’t stand to see without feeling like I was withering away inside, but maybe I’ll save that for later. It’s almost like I couldn’t just see that the person I thought was so cool in class and the person I was seeing her be online and outside of class were the same people. But I digress.
She had actually ended up inviting me to go with her on one of her international yoga retreats, and I was actually very excited about this. I had very little time with her in between classes, and my attraction (but also repulsion) with her was growing stronger and I wanted to figure her out and see what she was really about and what the pull I was feeling towards her was about. Plus, I love travelling and just thought it would be fun.
I had a pretty good time, but we didn’t get to talk much, HOWEVER, I do remember this distinct point during the trip where it was myself, 2-3 other fiends I had made, her brother, and her “best friend” who had happened to be her brother’s Gf in a room together, talking. the brother, the best friend, and the other friend I made just all completely started talking shit about her and I was so confused.
I felt super hurt by this actually, bc I felt like I had a inexplicable bond with the teacher who had invited me, she was the reason we were all there in that beautiful place, and I just couldn’t understand why they were choosing to be so negative about someone I thought they had claimed (at least by title) to love. They would say things like “I can’t fucking stand your sister” (one of the friends I made to the brother) and everyone would just sigh and put their hands in their head and be like “I know…. I know. It’s a lot. She’s a lot”. And I didn’t have anything to add to the conversation because I was just so confused and I knew the girl would just be so upset if she heard them saying this. Anyway… that confusion stuck with me for a while after.
Fast forward maybe a month or two, I started hanging out with her more regularly myself outside of class. I would say this is when we became more “friends”. She would invite me to other teachers classes and we would talk a lot about our lives.
I learned how she felt about her close friend and family connections, and how she often felt hurt and betrayed by people close to her and how some of her friends were actually really shady. I just got a general sense of her feeling scapegoated and libeled against by ppl that got close to her and how she had walls up for that reason.
She also shared to me that most of her family was cut off, with the exception of her brother who she had recently rekindled a connection with, hence why he was on that trip. I felt very bad for her and wanted to be a source of comfort and support, and she would often comment on how she felt a sense of camaraderie with me since I also (LITERALLY) had no family and how we have to make our chosen family. This was a sweet sentiment, for sure, but I was still sussing out how I felt about her.
So one day, a mutual friend that had been on the trip with us was having a birthday party and I guess that she was invited to it, too. She sat down next to me and I was SUPER excited to see her as I was craving her energy and hadn’t seen her in some time. But then… idk. She had had a lot to drink. I’m fully aware that she’s kind of a quirky individual, and has a way of socializing which I can sometimes find a bit uncomfortable or even intense, (like the first meetup I spoke of) but this time it was even more and seemed to be heightened by the drinking.
Her husband was sitting on her other side and kept trying to interject and insinuate that maybe she was doing a bit much, but I think she was drunk enough to the point that she just found it funny and had no awareness of how she was coming off. There’s not even a way I can describe it really, but she just seemed a bit obsessive over me and kept making jokes that were literally not funny and seemed to have lost all ability to read the room. I also had noticed that she had only had TWO beers and was acting like this already which I found… really strange.
So at some point she goes to the bathroom, and I also get in line for the bathroom about 5 mins later. When I get up to the bathroom, she’s still in there, and there’s a line of about 2 or 3 people ahead of me. When she exits the bathroom she immediately spots me and rushes up to me and just starts… drunkenly spewing.
I can’t even remember what she was saying, but we were in a pretty high class establishment and I remember her gushing over me and was saying “I just want to let you know that I don’t really have friends or let people close to me in my circle but I just want to let you know that YOU are officially in my circle and you have earned friend status to me and I’ve let you in my circle…” or something like that. And I just kept thinking, who tf even says that??? I’m pretty sure the last time I checked that friendship is a two way street and it’s not just a title we bestow onto some “lucky” person and that’s that. Like girl… let ME decide if I want to be friends too first.
It was partially that, and also the way she was drunkenly spewing was so awkward and embarrassing bc I could tell all the other women in line were like who tf is this bitch and why is she saying all this weird stuff and like, does she even know you?? Lol. Just a very odd interaction which again, I kind of wrote off, but the unsettling feeling kind of just kept growing after that point.
Then, the time that I REALLY knew something was up came up about a month later, but there are still some key details of this story that are missing. Perhaps I will discuss them later.
SO. About a month later, she invited me last minute to this concert of sorts. When I got there, I was super excited to be there, the vibes were amazing and we were having so much fun. But she had definitely had a lot, A LOT to drink. I didn’t mind at first, because everyone there seemed severely under the influence, but she would just start randomly kind of lashing out at people in the crowd and she thought it was funny? She first loudly and audibly started making fun of some guys shoes in front of us, and was trying to laugh with me as if I would join in, but when his girl friend turned around and shot her a dirty look, she had the nerve to be self conscious and mad about it. She would loudly poke fun at other people in the crowd too, but not in a ha-ha way, just in a straight up mean and asshole way and I could not understand why she would even do that or why she thought that was funny.
Again, I kind of just awkwardly laughed and brushed it off. But when all was said and done and the concert was closing, she enthusiastically invited me back to go to her house and soak in her hot tub. I kept saying are you sure?? But she was like please, PLEASE come, we have weed, we’ll smoke you out and other things and I wanted to continue the vibes because it sounded fun. And then….. completely downhill.
I had arrived back at their place before she did, but as soon as I saw them go in I knocked. When I walked in, she was pale faced up on the floor, non verbal, pretty much motionless, and staring at the ceiling. I was like oh no… it seemed like she got a bit too much to drink. I waited patiently there for a few mins, unsure of what to do as I had just drove for 45 mins and I was still 25 mins in the opposite direction away from home.
I kind of just sat around, and hoped that she would sober up. I asked if she was drunk… she said no. She ran to her bathroom multiple times while her husband (a complete socially awkward case himself) tried to take care of her while she threw up. I asked her if she puked and she also said no. So I didn’t really know what to do. I was trying to offer support/ empathy but she just kept denying any claims of anything being amiss. Her husband left to pick up a pizza and I probably just should’ve left but I’m telling you I had no idea how to exit their house without making it weird or awkward. And I also was hungry. So I just stayed… and waited for the pizza.
What happened in those 20-30 mins, I don’t even know if I can fully explain. She just became… so FUCKING WEIRD. she clearly was embarrassed that I was seeing her drunk, and I think was trying to over compensate. But she just turned into an absolute freak show and I’ve never been more uncomfortable in my life.
She started hoola hooping in my face, and making these weird gremlin faces and noises at me, fell to the floor, rolled round on the floor while continuing to make the noises, convulsed on the floor, but tried to do it in a funny way, tried to make an interpretive dance for me… I’ve truly never experienced something so uncomfortable in my life. I probably do sound like an asshole, but I swear you would just have to be there to see how a) gross and b) weird and actually scary it was. I was genuinely frightened.
I’ve never seen anyone act like that and I didn’t want to make her more uncomfortable or weird by showing her how clearly uncomfortable I actually was. so I just sat there and tried to laugh. But it probably came off as more of a grimace. And for the record, this woman is 33. I am 26. It was just. Obscene.
And she’s tried to act like and say multiple times that she’s like my “big sister”. Now I’ve seen a lot of drunk behavior, but not this. I wolfed down my pizza, and so did she, and she started to get even more philosophical and weird on me, showing me songs and art which were quite frankly some of the worst things I’ve ever heard in my life, and I left as soon as I could.
I was so shaken and disturbed coming away from this, because like I said earlier, I thought she was a cool girl, but honestly her behavior and lack of control over herself completely terrified me. And it’s not like she was drinking liquor, it was just damn IPAs. And I just did not know what to do.
Some details I will try to add to this story, even though I know it’s monolithic at this point , is that 2 months prior to this she had gotten fired from the studio she worked at.
She had a mental breakdown during class because the manager was being mean to her, and he fired her on the spot. I remember being so angry with the owner, (honestly he IS a piece of shit human being) but I thought he was being sexist by calling her mentally unstable and I thought the way he handled things was unfair.
I went so far as to boycott the studio and completely remove myself from it in support of her and followed her to her new one. After the drunk #2 incident, I didn’t hang out with her very much, and only saw her during her class as I was locked into a certain number of classes I had paid for.
I remember her telling me that she had just started at ANOTHER studio, and got fired 3 days after on her birthday and she was talking about how unfair it was and how much of an asshole that new girl was for firing her… and I believed her. AGAIN.
I went so far as to block that girl on Instagram too, but deep down I kind of knew that she had probably just been fired bc let’s face it… as I was starting to discover, she WAS a lot. and the studio was in an upper class area , catered towards more upper echelon people, and I just don’t think she was fitting that image. I lent her an empathetic ear, because that’s all I would want in that situation.
But where she fucked up was sending me screenshot proof of the text exchange between her and that girl, thinking I would take her side, and later sending me screenshots of another conversation she had with the OTHER manager. She told me that this new girl fired her for bringing her husband to class. In my mind I was like, oh no, is she racist!?! Because her husband was black. But no, that’s not what I read at all.
It was the most reasonable, level headed response to someone ever, and laid out multiple offenses and reasons she didn’t want her at the studio. The reasons were honestly so embarrassing that I don’t know why she would send it to me and think I would side with her. She recently also sent me messages with the other boss and the last thing he says to her is “I hope you get help for your mental illness because whatever you have is serious and will impact all your relationships and business and things that you do”. And honestly I can now say in retrospect that those were the truest words ever spoken.
When I read these texts, I had a look back at my whole relationship with and how she would always paint everyone else to be the villain and how everyone is so mean to HER… and the whole time the common denominator was her. It was always her. And it made me rethink everything.
I’ve even had extensive conversations with some of the other people on her trip that were talking shit and couldn’t stand her and they all told me the same things. How it seemed like she was the coolest person ever and had her shit together and seemed like she was going places… but deep down she was just an absolute mess and pushed everyone away from her. And I no longer felt like I was going crazy.
But like I said, she formed a really close bond with me (I think from her perspective) and said she felt like my big sister and family, and shared all these stories about her feeling isolated and shut out by people, but now here I am, doing the exact same thing to her. Icing her out of my life. And I just wanna ask you guys…
Am the asshole?
2024.05.21 18:30 astrohoe11 AITAH for ghosting one of my “friends”?
Am I wrong for soft ghosting one of my “friends”?
Wow, this one might me a long one.
So I moved to (undisclosed location) sometime in the beginning of last year. When I moved here I really had no friends but became heavily involved in this yoga studio I went to and slowly but surely started to make friends/acquaintances with the teacher that instructed me.
From afar she seemed super cool and I became pretty enthralled with her and her life. I would look forward so heavily to going to her classes every week and was quite intrigued by her. I thought she was funny, bubbly, spunky, cool, and always made jokes during class that made me laugh. As months went by I found myself wanting to get closer and closer to her, and she even invited me out one time to one of her “events” she was hosting. Here’s the thing;
It seemed like we had a lot in common and was just generally craving camaraderie and connection. I felt a sense of belonging with her and wanted to expand that energy in my life, and wanted to do anything I could to get closer to her for those reasons. But I guess this is where we have the first red flag;
One day after class, she extended an invitation to me to a meet up of sorts, (I’m being sparing with details just out of fear she might read this) and when she invited me it seemed like it was gonna be this big thing with lots of people invited, and just in general in talking to her it seemed as if she was very well connected and respected within her community, had lots of friends and connects, and I thought this was gonna be a huge thing that I was even lucky to be invited to. I was super stoked and exited about it.
However when the day of the event came, I was super tired and slow to getting up that morning. I figured I would just make my way over whenever I could since it seemed causal and like you could drop in whenever. I also figured there would be more than enough people that no one would really even notice my arrival or departure. (Plus, sometimes it’s chic to be fashionably late ;) ). Well…. I was most definitely wrong.
When I showed up I heard someone excitedly shout my name, which was her, and she waved me down to the “meet up”…. There was literally only one person there and it had been going on for 2+ hours. I was definitely a bit unnerved, but also didn’t want to be rude, and like I said I was just kind of happy to be there and be getting invited to things. But it was kinda like, damn…. Are these all the friends you have?
I had dressed up and looked cute but they were just kind of wearing whatever and I felt awkward and overdressed and also embarrassed now that I was even this late because it was clearly much more intimate than I expected and my arrival/absence was DEFINITELY felt. We had chatted a bit and that was cool but then I remember her confessing me that she had cried to her husband earlier that morning that she was scared nobody was going to show up and how thrilled she was that not only one, but TWO people had showed up and that it felt like she had friends. I wasn’t really sure what to say or make of that.
She also…. The whole time (and mind you, this is our first legitimate interaction out of yoga class) just kind of kept talking maniacally AT me, not to me, and was coming off almost even manic, and she had formed a white crust of spit around her mouth probably from talking so much that I couldn’t look away from. To say the least, I was a bit disturbed coming away from this interaction but I just kept telling myself that I was being too judgmental of her and to give it a chance and that maybe she was just hyper that day and that I had probably had unintentional embarrassing hygiene moments as well. So I keep going to class and that’s that.
There were several other red flag moments between this first interaction and the next one, mostly just her incredibly cringey social media presence that I genuinely almost couldn’t stand to see without feeling like I was withering away inside, but maybe I’ll save that for later. It’s almost like I couldn’t just see that the person I thought was so cool in class and the person I was seeing her be online and outside of class were the same people. But I digress.
She had actually ended up inviting me to go with her on one of her international yoga retreats, and I was actually very excited about this. I had very little time with her in between classes, and my attraction (but also repulsion) with her was growing stronger and I wanted to figure her out and see what she was really about and what the pull I was feeling towards her was about. Plus, I love travelling and just thought it would be fun.
I had a pretty good time, but we didn’t get to talk much, HOWEVER, I do remember this distinct point during the trip where it was myself, 2-3 other fiends I had made, her brother, and her “best friend” who had happened to be her brother’s Gf in a room together, talking. the brother, the best friend, and the other friend I made just all completely started talking shit about her and I was so confused.
I felt super hurt by this actually, bc I felt like I had a inexplicable bond with the teacher who had invited me, she was the reason we were all there in that beautiful place, and I just couldn’t understand why they were choosing to be so negative about someone I thought they had claimed (at least by title) to love. They would say things like “I can’t fucking stand your sister” (one of the friends I made to the brother) and everyone would just sigh and put their hands in their head and be like “I know…. I know. It’s a lot. She’s a lot”. And I didn’t have anything to add to the conversation because I was just so confused and I knew the girl would just be so upset if she heard them saying this. Anyway… that confusion stuck with me for a while after.
Fast forward maybe a month or two, I started hanging out with her more regularly myself outside of class. I would say this is when we became more “friends”. She would invite me to other teachers classes and we would talk a lot about our lives.
I learned how she felt about her close friend and family connections, and how she often felt hurt and betrayed by people close to her and how some of her friends were actually really shady. I just got a general sense of her feeling scapegoated and libeled against by ppl that got close to her and how she had walls up for that reason.
She also shared to me that most of her family was cut off, with the exception of her brother who she had recently rekindled a connection with, hence why he was on that trip. I felt very bad for her and wanted to be a source of comfort and support, and she would often comment on how she felt a sense of camaraderie with me since I also (LITERALLY) had no family and how we have to make our chosen family. This was a sweet sentiment, for sure, but I was still sussing out how I felt about her.
So one day, a mutual friend that had been on the trip with us was having a birthday party and I guess that she was invited to it, too. She sat down next to me and I was SUPER excited to see her as I was craving her energy and hadn’t seen her in some time. But then… idk. She had had a lot to drink. I’m fully aware that she’s kind of a quirky individual, and has a way of socializing which I can sometimes find a bit uncomfortable or even intense, (like the first meetup I spoke of) but this time it was even more and seemed to be heightened by the drinking.
Her husband was sitting on her other side and kept trying to interject and insinuate that maybe she was doing a bit much, but I think she was drunk enough to the point that she just found it funny and had no awareness of how she was coming off. There’s not even a way I can describe it really, but she just seemed a bit obsessive over me and kept making jokes that were literally not funny and seemed to have lost all ability to read the room. I also had noticed that she had only had TWO beers and was acting like this already which I found… really strange.
So at some point she goes to the bathroom, and I also get in line for the bathroom about 5 mins later. When I get up to the bathroom, she’s still in there, and there’s a line of about 2 or 3 people ahead of me. When she exits the bathroom she immediately spots me and rushes up to me and just starts… drunkenly spewing.
I can’t even remember what she was saying, but we were in a pretty high class establishment and I remember her gushing over me and was saying “I just want to let you know that I don’t really have friends or let people close to me in my circle but I just want to let you know that YOU are officially in my circle and you have earned friend status to me and I’ve let you in my circle…” or something like that. And I just kept thinking, who tf even says that??? I’m pretty sure the last time I checked that friendship is a two way street and it’s not just a title we bestow onto some “lucky” person and that’s that. Like girl… let ME decide if I want to be friends too first.
It was partially that, and also the way she was drunkenly spewing was so awkward and embarrassing bc I could tell all the other women in line were like who tf is this bitch and why is she saying all this weird stuff and like, does she even know you?? Lol. Just a very odd interaction which again, I kind of wrote off, but the unsettling feeling kind of just kept growing after that point.
Then, the time that I REALLY knew something was up came up about a month later, but there are still some key details of this story that are missing. Perhaps I will discuss them later.
SO. About a month later, she invited me last minute to this concert of sorts. When I got there, I was super excited to be there, the vibes were amazing and we were having so much fun. But she had definitely had a lot, A LOT to drink. I didn’t mind at first, because everyone there seemed severely under the influence, but she would just start randomly kind of lashing out at people in the crowd and she thought it was funny? She first loudly and audibly started making fun of some guys shoes in front of us, and was trying to laugh with me as if I would join in, but when his girl friend turned around and shot her a dirty look, she had the nerve to be self conscious and mad about it. She would loudly poke fun at other people in the crowd too, but not in a ha-ha way, just in a straight up mean and asshole way and I could not understand why she would even do that or why she thought that was funny.
Again, I kind of just awkwardly laughed and brushed it off. But when all was said and done and the concert was closing, she enthusiastically invited me back to go to her house and soak in her hot tub. I kept saying are you sure?? But she was like please, PLEASE come, we have weed, we’ll smoke you out and other things and I wanted to continue the vibes because it sounded fun. And then….. completely downhill.
I had arrived back at their place before she did, but as soon as I saw them go in I knocked. When I walked in, she was pale faced up on the floor, non verbal, pretty much motionless, and staring at the ceiling. I was like oh no… it seemed like she got a bit too much to drink. I waited patiently there for a few mins, unsure of what to do as I had just drove for 45 mins and I was still 25 mins in the opposite direction away from home.
I kind of just sat around, and hoped that she would sober up. I asked if she was drunk… she said no. She ran to her bathroom multiple times while her husband (a complete socially awkward case himself) tried to take care of her while she threw up. I asked her if she puked and she also said no. So I didn’t really know what to do. I was trying to offer support/ empathy but she just kept denying any claims of anything being amiss. Her husband left to pick up a pizza and I probably just should’ve left but I’m telling you I had no idea how to exit their house without making it weird or awkward. And I also was hungry. So I just stayed… and waited for the pizza.
What happened in those 20-30 mins, I don’t even know if I can fully explain. She just became… so FUCKING WEIRD. she clearly was embarrassed that I was seeing her drunk, and I think was trying to over compensate. But she just turned into an absolute freak show and I’ve never been more uncomfortable in my life.
She started hoola hooping in my face, and making these weird gremlin faces and noises at me, fell to the floor, rolled round on the floor while continuing to make the noises, convulsed on the floor, but tried to do it in a funny way, tried to make an interpretive dance for me… I’ve truly never experienced something so uncomfortable in my life. I probably do sound like an asshole, but I swear you would just have to be there to see how a) gross and b) weird and actually scary it was. I was genuinely frightened.
I’ve never seen anyone act like that and I didn’t want to make her more uncomfortable or weird by showing her how clearly uncomfortable I actually was. so I just sat there and tried to laugh. But it probably came off as more of a grimace. And for the record, this woman is 33. I am 26. It was just. Obscene.
And she’s tried to act like and say multiple times that she’s like my “big sister”. Now I’ve seen a lot of drunk behavior, but not this. I wolfed down my pizza, and so did she, and she started to get even more philosophical and weird on me, showing me songs and art which were quite frankly some of the worst things I’ve ever heard in my life, and I left as soon as I could.
I was so shaken and disturbed coming away from this, because like I said earlier, I thought she was a cool girl, but honestly her behavior and lack of control over herself completely terrified me. And it’s not like she was drinking liquor, it was just damn IPAs. And I just did not know what to do.
Some details I will try to add to this story, even though I know it’s monolithic at this point , is that 2 months prior to this she had gotten fired from the studio she worked at.
She had a mental breakdown during class because the manager was being mean to her, and he fired her on the spot. I remember being so angry with the owner, (honestly he IS a piece of shit human being) but I thought he was being sexist by calling her mentally unstable and I thought the way he handled things was unfair.
I went so far as to boycott the studio and completely remove myself from it in support of her and followed her to her new one. After the drunk #2 incident, I didn’t hang out with her very much, and only saw her during her class as I was locked into a certain number of classes I had paid for.
I remember her telling me that she had just started at ANOTHER studio, and got fired 3 days after on her birthday and she was talking about how unfair it was and how much of an asshole that new girl was for firing her… and I believed her. AGAIN.
I went so far as to block that girl on Instagram too, but deep down I kind of knew that she had probably just been fired bc let’s face it… as I was starting to discover, she WAS a lot. and the studio was in an upper class area , catered towards more upper echelon people, and I just don’t think she was fitting that image. I lent her an empathetic ear, because that’s all I would want in that situation.
But where she fucked up was sending me screenshot proof of the text exchange between her and that girl, thinking I would take her side, and later sending me screenshots of another conversation she had with the OTHER manager. She told me that this new girl fired her for bringing her husband to class. In my mind I was like, oh no, is she racist!?! Because her husband was black. But no, that’s not what I read at all.
It was the most reasonable, level headed response to someone ever, and laid out multiple offenses and reasons she didn’t want her at the studio. The reasons were honestly so embarrassing that I don’t know why she would send it to me and think I would side with her. She recently also sent me messages with the other boss and the last thing he says to her is “I hope you get help for your mental illness because whatever you have is serious and will impact all your relationships and business and things that you do”. And honestly I can now say in retrospect that those were the truest words ever spoken.
When I read these texts, I had a look back at my whole relationship with and how she would always paint everyone else to be the villain and how everyone is so mean to HER… and the whole time the common denominator was her. It was always her. And it made me rethink everything.
I’ve even had extensive conversations with some of the other people on her trip that were talking shit and couldn’t stand her and they all told me the same things. How it seemed like she was the coolest person ever and had her shit together and seemed like she was going places… but deep down she was just an absolute mess and pushed everyone away from her. And I no longer felt like I was going crazy.
But like I said, she formed a really close bond with me (I think from her perspective) and said she felt like my big sister and family, and shared all these stories about her feeling isolated and shut out by people, but now here I am, doing the exact same thing to her. Icing her out of my life. And I just wanna ask you guys…
Am the asshole?
submitted by astrohoe11 to AITAH [link] [comments]
Wow, this one might me a long one.
So I moved to (undisclosed location) sometime in the beginning of last year. When I moved here I really had no friends but became heavily involved in this yoga studio I went to and slowly but surely started to make friends/acquaintances with the teacher that instructed me.
From afar she seemed super cool and I became pretty enthralled with her and her life. I would look forward so heavily to going to her classes every week and was quite intrigued by her. I thought she was funny, bubbly, spunky, cool, and always made jokes during class that made me laugh. As months went by I found myself wanting to get closer and closer to her, and she even invited me out one time to one of her “events” she was hosting. Here’s the thing;
It seemed like we had a lot in common and was just generally craving camaraderie and connection. I felt a sense of belonging with her and wanted to expand that energy in my life, and wanted to do anything I could to get closer to her for those reasons. But I guess this is where we have the first red flag;
One day after class, she extended an invitation to me to a meet up of sorts, (I’m being sparing with details just out of fear she might read this) and when she invited me it seemed like it was gonna be this big thing with lots of people invited, and just in general in talking to her it seemed as if she was very well connected and respected within her community, had lots of friends and connects, and I thought this was gonna be a huge thing that I was even lucky to be invited to. I was super stoked and exited about it.
However when the day of the event came, I was super tired and slow to getting up that morning. I figured I would just make my way over whenever I could since it seemed causal and like you could drop in whenever. I also figured there would be more than enough people that no one would really even notice my arrival or departure. (Plus, sometimes it’s chic to be fashionably late ;) ). Well…. I was most definitely wrong.
When I showed up I heard someone excitedly shout my name, which was her, and she waved me down to the “meet up”…. There was literally only one person there and it had been going on for 2+ hours. I was definitely a bit unnerved, but also didn’t want to be rude, and like I said I was just kind of happy to be there and be getting invited to things. But it was kinda like, damn…. Are these all the friends you have?
I had dressed up and looked cute but they were just kind of wearing whatever and I felt awkward and overdressed and also embarrassed now that I was even this late because it was clearly much more intimate than I expected and my arrival/absence was DEFINITELY felt. We had chatted a bit and that was cool but then I remember her confessing me that she had cried to her husband earlier that morning that she was scared nobody was going to show up and how thrilled she was that not only one, but TWO people had showed up and that it felt like she had friends. I wasn’t really sure what to say or make of that.
She also…. The whole time (and mind you, this is our first legitimate interaction out of yoga class) just kind of kept talking maniacally AT me, not to me, and was coming off almost even manic, and she had formed a white crust of spit around her mouth probably from talking so much that I couldn’t look away from. To say the least, I was a bit disturbed coming away from this interaction but I just kept telling myself that I was being too judgmental of her and to give it a chance and that maybe she was just hyper that day and that I had probably had unintentional embarrassing hygiene moments as well. So I keep going to class and that’s that.
There were several other red flag moments between this first interaction and the next one, mostly just her incredibly cringey social media presence that I genuinely almost couldn’t stand to see without feeling like I was withering away inside, but maybe I’ll save that for later. It’s almost like I couldn’t just see that the person I thought was so cool in class and the person I was seeing her be online and outside of class were the same people. But I digress.
She had actually ended up inviting me to go with her on one of her international yoga retreats, and I was actually very excited about this. I had very little time with her in between classes, and my attraction (but also repulsion) with her was growing stronger and I wanted to figure her out and see what she was really about and what the pull I was feeling towards her was about. Plus, I love travelling and just thought it would be fun.
I had a pretty good time, but we didn’t get to talk much, HOWEVER, I do remember this distinct point during the trip where it was myself, 2-3 other fiends I had made, her brother, and her “best friend” who had happened to be her brother’s Gf in a room together, talking. the brother, the best friend, and the other friend I made just all completely started talking shit about her and I was so confused.
I felt super hurt by this actually, bc I felt like I had a inexplicable bond with the teacher who had invited me, she was the reason we were all there in that beautiful place, and I just couldn’t understand why they were choosing to be so negative about someone I thought they had claimed (at least by title) to love. They would say things like “I can’t fucking stand your sister” (one of the friends I made to the brother) and everyone would just sigh and put their hands in their head and be like “I know…. I know. It’s a lot. She’s a lot”. And I didn’t have anything to add to the conversation because I was just so confused and I knew the girl would just be so upset if she heard them saying this. Anyway… that confusion stuck with me for a while after.
Fast forward maybe a month or two, I started hanging out with her more regularly myself outside of class. I would say this is when we became more “friends”. She would invite me to other teachers classes and we would talk a lot about our lives.
I learned how she felt about her close friend and family connections, and how she often felt hurt and betrayed by people close to her and how some of her friends were actually really shady. I just got a general sense of her feeling scapegoated and libeled against by ppl that got close to her and how she had walls up for that reason.
She also shared to me that most of her family was cut off, with the exception of her brother who she had recently rekindled a connection with, hence why he was on that trip. I felt very bad for her and wanted to be a source of comfort and support, and she would often comment on how she felt a sense of camaraderie with me since I also (LITERALLY) had no family and how we have to make our chosen family. This was a sweet sentiment, for sure, but I was still sussing out how I felt about her.
So one day, a mutual friend that had been on the trip with us was having a birthday party and I guess that she was invited to it, too. She sat down next to me and I was SUPER excited to see her as I was craving her energy and hadn’t seen her in some time. But then… idk. She had had a lot to drink. I’m fully aware that she’s kind of a quirky individual, and has a way of socializing which I can sometimes find a bit uncomfortable or even intense, (like the first meetup I spoke of) but this time it was even more and seemed to be heightened by the drinking.
Her husband was sitting on her other side and kept trying to interject and insinuate that maybe she was doing a bit much, but I think she was drunk enough to the point that she just found it funny and had no awareness of how she was coming off. There’s not even a way I can describe it really, but she just seemed a bit obsessive over me and kept making jokes that were literally not funny and seemed to have lost all ability to read the room. I also had noticed that she had only had TWO beers and was acting like this already which I found… really strange.
So at some point she goes to the bathroom, and I also get in line for the bathroom about 5 mins later. When I get up to the bathroom, she’s still in there, and there’s a line of about 2 or 3 people ahead of me. When she exits the bathroom she immediately spots me and rushes up to me and just starts… drunkenly spewing.
I can’t even remember what she was saying, but we were in a pretty high class establishment and I remember her gushing over me and was saying “I just want to let you know that I don’t really have friends or let people close to me in my circle but I just want to let you know that YOU are officially in my circle and you have earned friend status to me and I’ve let you in my circle…” or something like that. And I just kept thinking, who tf even says that??? I’m pretty sure the last time I checked that friendship is a two way street and it’s not just a title we bestow onto some “lucky” person and that’s that. Like girl… let ME decide if I want to be friends too first.
It was partially that, and also the way she was drunkenly spewing was so awkward and embarrassing bc I could tell all the other women in line were like who tf is this bitch and why is she saying all this weird stuff and like, does she even know you?? Lol. Just a very odd interaction which again, I kind of wrote off, but the unsettling feeling kind of just kept growing after that point.
Then, the time that I REALLY knew something was up came up about a month later, but there are still some key details of this story that are missing. Perhaps I will discuss them later.
SO. About a month later, she invited me last minute to this concert of sorts. When I got there, I was super excited to be there, the vibes were amazing and we were having so much fun. But she had definitely had a lot, A LOT to drink. I didn’t mind at first, because everyone there seemed severely under the influence, but she would just start randomly kind of lashing out at people in the crowd and she thought it was funny? She first loudly and audibly started making fun of some guys shoes in front of us, and was trying to laugh with me as if I would join in, but when his girl friend turned around and shot her a dirty look, she had the nerve to be self conscious and mad about it. She would loudly poke fun at other people in the crowd too, but not in a ha-ha way, just in a straight up mean and asshole way and I could not understand why she would even do that or why she thought that was funny.
Again, I kind of just awkwardly laughed and brushed it off. But when all was said and done and the concert was closing, she enthusiastically invited me back to go to her house and soak in her hot tub. I kept saying are you sure?? But she was like please, PLEASE come, we have weed, we’ll smoke you out and other things and I wanted to continue the vibes because it sounded fun. And then….. completely downhill.
I had arrived back at their place before she did, but as soon as I saw them go in I knocked. When I walked in, she was pale faced up on the floor, non verbal, pretty much motionless, and staring at the ceiling. I was like oh no… it seemed like she got a bit too much to drink. I waited patiently there for a few mins, unsure of what to do as I had just drove for 45 mins and I was still 25 mins in the opposite direction away from home.
I kind of just sat around, and hoped that she would sober up. I asked if she was drunk… she said no. She ran to her bathroom multiple times while her husband (a complete socially awkward case himself) tried to take care of her while she threw up. I asked her if she puked and she also said no. So I didn’t really know what to do. I was trying to offer support/ empathy but she just kept denying any claims of anything being amiss. Her husband left to pick up a pizza and I probably just should’ve left but I’m telling you I had no idea how to exit their house without making it weird or awkward. And I also was hungry. So I just stayed… and waited for the pizza.
What happened in those 20-30 mins, I don’t even know if I can fully explain. She just became… so FUCKING WEIRD. she clearly was embarrassed that I was seeing her drunk, and I think was trying to over compensate. But she just turned into an absolute freak show and I’ve never been more uncomfortable in my life.
She started hoola hooping in my face, and making these weird gremlin faces and noises at me, fell to the floor, rolled round on the floor while continuing to make the noises, convulsed on the floor, but tried to do it in a funny way, tried to make an interpretive dance for me… I’ve truly never experienced something so uncomfortable in my life. I probably do sound like an asshole, but I swear you would just have to be there to see how a) gross and b) weird and actually scary it was. I was genuinely frightened.
I’ve never seen anyone act like that and I didn’t want to make her more uncomfortable or weird by showing her how clearly uncomfortable I actually was. so I just sat there and tried to laugh. But it probably came off as more of a grimace. And for the record, this woman is 33. I am 26. It was just. Obscene.
And she’s tried to act like and say multiple times that she’s like my “big sister”. Now I’ve seen a lot of drunk behavior, but not this. I wolfed down my pizza, and so did she, and she started to get even more philosophical and weird on me, showing me songs and art which were quite frankly some of the worst things I’ve ever heard in my life, and I left as soon as I could.
I was so shaken and disturbed coming away from this, because like I said earlier, I thought she was a cool girl, but honestly her behavior and lack of control over herself completely terrified me. And it’s not like she was drinking liquor, it was just damn IPAs. And I just did not know what to do.
Some details I will try to add to this story, even though I know it’s monolithic at this point , is that 2 months prior to this she had gotten fired from the studio she worked at.
She had a mental breakdown during class because the manager was being mean to her, and he fired her on the spot. I remember being so angry with the owner, (honestly he IS a piece of shit human being) but I thought he was being sexist by calling her mentally unstable and I thought the way he handled things was unfair.
I went so far as to boycott the studio and completely remove myself from it in support of her and followed her to her new one. After the drunk #2 incident, I didn’t hang out with her very much, and only saw her during her class as I was locked into a certain number of classes I had paid for.
I remember her telling me that she had just started at ANOTHER studio, and got fired 3 days after on her birthday and she was talking about how unfair it was and how much of an asshole that new girl was for firing her… and I believed her. AGAIN.
I went so far as to block that girl on Instagram too, but deep down I kind of knew that she had probably just been fired bc let’s face it… as I was starting to discover, she WAS a lot. and the studio was in an upper class area , catered towards more upper echelon people, and I just don’t think she was fitting that image. I lent her an empathetic ear, because that’s all I would want in that situation.
But where she fucked up was sending me screenshot proof of the text exchange between her and that girl, thinking I would take her side, and later sending me screenshots of another conversation she had with the OTHER manager. She told me that this new girl fired her for bringing her husband to class. In my mind I was like, oh no, is she racist!?! Because her husband was black. But no, that’s not what I read at all.
It was the most reasonable, level headed response to someone ever, and laid out multiple offenses and reasons she didn’t want her at the studio. The reasons were honestly so embarrassing that I don’t know why she would send it to me and think I would side with her. She recently also sent me messages with the other boss and the last thing he says to her is “I hope you get help for your mental illness because whatever you have is serious and will impact all your relationships and business and things that you do”. And honestly I can now say in retrospect that those were the truest words ever spoken.
When I read these texts, I had a look back at my whole relationship with and how she would always paint everyone else to be the villain and how everyone is so mean to HER… and the whole time the common denominator was her. It was always her. And it made me rethink everything.
I’ve even had extensive conversations with some of the other people on her trip that were talking shit and couldn’t stand her and they all told me the same things. How it seemed like she was the coolest person ever and had her shit together and seemed like she was going places… but deep down she was just an absolute mess and pushed everyone away from her. And I no longer felt like I was going crazy.
But like I said, she formed a really close bond with me (I think from her perspective) and said she felt like my big sister and family, and shared all these stories about her feeling isolated and shut out by people, but now here I am, doing the exact same thing to her. Icing her out of my life. And I just wanna ask you guys…
Am the asshole?
2024.05.21 18:30 throwRAanxious93 How to deal with partner taking his bad mood out on you?
My boyfriend and I both work from home. Our biggest stressor is he gets so angry at work that it pours out into me and just makes being in the apt with him miserable.I'm generally an upbeat positive person who won't let a bad day get me down.
He's been swearing at his computer for the last four hours. Then will go silent and barely talk to me which I understand so I leave him alone. He flipped out today because the plant he watered overflowed and was swearing up a storm. Then when that was fixed he went on about how much he "hates his fucking job and the ppl he works with are idiots" this is the time he usually starts interrogating me asking me if l'm making money at my job (it's commission based but a lot more laid back than his job). He was just smiling at something his sister sent him so l decided to try to be funny & make him laugh and with a straight face he goes "im having a bad day at work" and walked away. So then I feel like I can't even be happy in my own home when he's in a bad mood. But if I’m being too quiet he giving me attitude asking why I’m so anxious.
How do I not let his bad moods affect me? How do I get him to not take his bad moods out on me? I'm probably over reacting but I hate that I feel like I have to tip toe around him every single day it's so draining.
submitted by throwRAanxious93 to emotionalabuse [link] [comments]
He's been swearing at his computer for the last four hours. Then will go silent and barely talk to me which I understand so I leave him alone. He flipped out today because the plant he watered overflowed and was swearing up a storm. Then when that was fixed he went on about how much he "hates his fucking job and the ppl he works with are idiots" this is the time he usually starts interrogating me asking me if l'm making money at my job (it's commission based but a lot more laid back than his job). He was just smiling at something his sister sent him so l decided to try to be funny & make him laugh and with a straight face he goes "im having a bad day at work" and walked away. So then I feel like I can't even be happy in my own home when he's in a bad mood. But if I’m being too quiet he giving me attitude asking why I’m so anxious.
How do I not let his bad moods affect me? How do I get him to not take his bad moods out on me? I'm probably over reacting but I hate that I feel like I have to tip toe around him every single day it's so draining.
2024.05.21 18:30 yelpvinegar The 7 Types of Startup Founders: Why It Matters To You
What’s the #1 thing every founder needs to know?
I’ll give you a few minutes to make a list — top of mind might include sales, marketing, technology, product management (especially product-market fit), technical skills, fundraising, team building, leadership, management, finance, and planning/executing strategic growth and scaling.Sure… but, sorry, none of that is the correct answer. Because, of course, you know that founders typically are expected to be jacks of all trades. So yes, to all of the above, but that’s not the secret sauce.
The #1 thing every founder needs to know is… themself.
Here’s the truth: founders start companies, and entrepreneurs build them. While not every entrepreneur is a founder (think franchise owners), every founder is an entrepreneur (at least initially).
If you’re like me, you are a forward-obsessed founder. That means where you are now is always building toward where you want to go. That person is always an entrepreneur. Once the company is started, you’ll do what it takes — including relinquishing control — to keep it growing.
Does that sting? We founders think of our companies as our babies, but statistics say we’re likely to be the ones kicked out of the nest. Also, research shows that in the US, only 14 out of the top selling 500 companies still have the original founder running the company. And the Harvard Business Review reports that most founders relinquish control long before their companies go public — and that four out of five are forced to step down as CEO.
It doesn’t have to be that way if you have one critical attribute: self-awareness. That way, you can decide as your company grows how you want to evolve your role in the overall day-to-day running of the company (i.e., learn, delegate, hire, move on). And ultimately, you can make better choices at critical growth junctures in your business progression.
So, to help you become more self-aware, it’s helpful to understand the different types of founders. Let’s dive in.
The Types of Founders
A couple of notes before we get into specifics:- Much like any other classification, there are gray areas, so you (and many of the examples I share in this article) may fit into more than one category.
- Some traits are common to all founders, such as being open to innovation, passionate about their project, risk-takers, etc. But some founders excel or even over-index in certain attributes, so that’s what you’ll see in the different types.
1. The Solo Founder
Traits:- Fiercely independent
- Self-assured
- Strong belief in their vision/idea
- Business strongly tied to skill set and experience
- Resilient (i.e., can withstand feelings of loneliness)
- Freedom
- Complete control
- Learn a lot
- Solo-founded companies statistically have a higher failure rate
- Harder to raise money/VCs are more reticent
- Health impacts: burnout, loneliness, etc.
- Attention is divided because you wear all the hats (marketing, sales, building your product, finances, fundraising, prospecting for new customers, etc.)
- Complete responsibility for all aspects of the business
Ten years ago, in 2012, when she was just 38, Sara Blakely became the world’s youngest self-made female billionaire. Her business, built on a significant industry gap (the lack of comfortable, effective shapewear) and her incredible sales hustle, also benefited greatly from Blakely’s abundant self-awareness. Here’s her advice to solo founders at a 2020 business conference:
“I tell people as soon as you can afford to hire your weaknesses, do it… As soon as I could afford to hire someone to do more of the operations side of the business, I did. As an entrepreneur, one of the biggest gifts you can give yourself is to stay in your lane.”In other words, know what your Green Zone is and play there.
If you’re like Blakely, it’s usually big ideas and sales ability (she could easily qualify as a Visionary Founder, too) or operations and execution (what Blakely realized she needed help with).
Pro tip: If you’re a solo founder, you’ll likely want to lean into an entrepreneurial framework like the Entrepreneurial Operating System (EOS) to help you define and settle into which side you skew toward.
2. The Visionary Founder (or Co-founders)
Traits:- Driven by a big idea
- Disruptive — recognizes opportunities to upend traditional norms
- Focused and clear
- Persistent
- Natural salesperson
- Can see the big picture
- Collaborative (esp. In co-founder scenario)
- Motivated by the impact they have — more than $$ alone
- Passionate about their work
- Aren’t easily derailed — failures are expected, and mistakes are not made twice
- Inspired leadership
- So focused on the big picture that they may miss important details
- A visionary idea doesn’t automatically = visionary leadership
- Disconnected from reality at times
- Easily bored when the mundane takes priority
- May not plan succession well
- Unrealistic expectations
- Poor communication
Considering that Steve Jobs’ name is pretty much synonymous with “visionary,” I don’t think I need to list more than the products and industries Jobs’ revolutionized at Apple and beyond — Apple Computers, iPod (iTunes), iPad, iPhone, Pixar, iCloud — with many products and points in between. George Lucas, from whom Jobs bought the Graphics Group at Lucasfilm and renamed it “Pixar,” perfectly summarizes his superpower:
“The magic of Steve was that while others simply accepted the status quo, he saw the true potential in everything he touched and never compromised on that vision.”Steve Wozniak was the technological yin to Jobs’ sales and marketing yang, bringing the vision of a computer with a graphic interface to life. From the visionary files, “Woz” also invented the first programmable universal remote and was an early innovator of wireless GPS (thanks to his clever dogs who routinely evaded electronic fences).
3. The Serial Disruptor
Traits:- Varied interests & capabilities
- Easily bored — desires variety and change
- Optimistic
- Extremely innovative
- High threshold for pain
- Accepting of failure
- Self-reliant
- Diverse capabilities
- Bold vision
- Motivated by the impact they have — more than $$ alone
- Variety of experiences
- Flexibility and freedom
- Diversification
- Tons of opportunities for creative expression
- Greater earning opportunities
- Disrupts industries
- Attracts high-quality talent
- High risk
- Difficulties finding trustworthy partners/can get stuck helming something when you want to move on
- Multitudes of people reliant on you
- Divided focus
- Ego-driven pursuits
Like him or loathe him, Elon Musk is perhaps the most prolific (and successful) serial founder of all time with startups including Tesla, SpaceX, The Boring Company, and Neuralink, among others. His drive to design opportunities to evolve humanity has redefined both hustle culture and the art of serial entrepreneurship.
For serial founders, having a set of principles is key to their success. In Musk’s case, his use of “first principles” — reducing a process to its essential parts — has served him well, from helping him figure out how to make rockets cheaper and reusable (SpaceX) to shifting the narrative of electric vehicles (Tesla).
4. The Engineer
Traits:- Engineer by experience and nature
- Technically savvy
- Able to problem-solve technology-driven issues (not just with the product but also operations-wise)
- Strong desire to not just innovate but also to accelerate progress
- Expansive vision of how technology can solve common problems
- Level-headed
- Agile, fast learners
- Focused on execution
- Pragmatic approach
- Own technology
- Problems are solved quickly
- Able to employ technology to reduce time to market
- Solutions for products can become new products in their own right
- Not well versed in other crucial areas (i.e., sales, marketing)
- Over-index on having lower Emotional Intelligence (EQ)
- Because they can learn quickly, so may get stuck playing outside of the green zone
Much like the other examples I’m sharing, Mark Zuckerberg’s story has been widely told, so you probably know about his development of Facebook. But at his core, Zuckerberg is an engineering prodigy and geek. At just 13 in 1997, he built “ZuckNet,” which enabled the family’s home computers to communicate via Ping (a precursor of AOL’s Instant Messenger) with his father’s dental office computers. He was using AI in his senior year in high school, so the roots of his Meta(verse) focus today are apparent.
A common weakness for engineers is they tend to have a lower EQ, which has been well-researched. As a former engineer, I understand how logic and technology come easier than understanding human behavior. This is why tech founders should seek out mentors early and bring in competent leaders with high EQ and leadership skills — for example, Zuckerberg credits his former COO of 14 years, Sheryl Sandberg, for turning the company into a multi-billion dollar company.
5. The Personality Founder
Traits:- Charismatic and gregarious
- Attracts a vast audience
- Influential
- Ambitious
- Forward-thinking
- Inwardly motivated (responds to a “calling”)
- Excellent storytellers
- Authentic and honest (ideally 😉)
- Has a built-in audience and established social platforms
- Likely has pre-existing wealth (can help fund the business/mitigate startup money woes)
- Can use their power for good; disruptive in a positive way
- Needs to find the right people to trust
- Can’t just be the “face” of the business; needs to accrue real business chops
- Celebrity and influence status don’t equal quality products
- Difficult or impossible for the founder to leave
I’m using Oprah as an example, as her products are an outgrowth of her — her eponymous talk show, which ran for 25 years, the OWN network, O Magazine, her book club, and a variety of charitable endeavors comprise her vast empire. But of course, we know plenty of other personality brands that have racked up billions in sales and even transformed, from the Kardashians/Jenners, to Bethany Frankel and Ryan Reynolds (just watch Deadpool 3 to see his brands — coming in 2023).
In today’s age of influence, we’ve seen a surge of personality brands and founders who leverage built-in audiences and communities to scale quickly. All these names are business mavericks in their own right, but many didn’t start out this way — they deftly utilize their charisma and ability to entertain to shape their brands and pave the way to success.
6. The Accidental Founder
Traits:- Independent
- Resourceful
- Necessity-driven
- Follow their desire/passion
- Creative
- Willing to take risks
- A deep belief in what they’re doing
- Solves real-world problems based on personal experience
- Discover they’re much happier running their own show
- Turns skills, vocation, or avocation into a profitable business
- May not have the business chops
- Reluctant business person — may not actually want to run their own business
- Needs to find the right people to trust
- Overwhelm
Patagonia founder Yvon Chouinard has been in the news lately for giving away his company to fight climate change. He’s an OG accidental entrepreneur whose passion for rock climbing led him to develop reusable pitons (rock climbing spikes) and, later, heavy-duty shirts. Famously Chouinard called himself a “dirtbag climber” and didn’t want to become a business mogul. Sixty-five years later, this accidental founder’s company is valued at $3 billion, and his latest innovation is a way of giving away the profits of a company to continue his contribution to society — protecting and preserving the natural world.
As I always say, there are riches in the niches, and accidental entrepreneurs are the leading type of founders to discover a marketplace with little or no competition.
7. The Intentional Founder
Traits:- Purpose-driven
- Strong ideals and values
- Passionate about the bigger picture impacts
- Socially conscious
- Clear and focused on the brand mission
- An empathetic approach to the product/the company
- Can educate, empower, and motivate others (i.e., team, customers)
- Employees are statistically more satisfied and likely to stay
- Commitment to a higher ideal engenders more loyalty and trust with the general public (customers)
- Moving from individual ideals to a group effort is tricky
- Difficult to find employees with perfectly aligned values
- Might not have the business experience to set the organization up for long-term success
- Purpose-driven (belief) isn’t the same as purpose-enabled (capability)
- Might be challenging for the company to survive the loss of the founder
While Jessica Alba does have some touches of a Personality Founder (she is an actor) and an Accidental Founder (an allergic reaction to detergent made her worry about her new baby’s sensitive skin), she is an excellent example of an intentional founder. Back in 2008, when Alba had that allergic reaction, influencer marketing wasn’t what it is today — plus, she had some success but was by no means a household name. Ditto for eco-conscious consumer packaged goods — a plus, sure, but didn’t have the same urgency and importance it does today. Alba then spent years researching ingredients in everyday products and even went to DC to lobby for updates to the 1976 Toxic Substances Control Act. Convinced that consumers need safe, affordable, environmentally friendly products for kids and home, Alba launched The Honest Company in 2011.
Now, she did have seasoned co-founders, her own wealth to use out the gates, and VC support shortly after that, but it has always been Alba’s commitment to and alignment with the brand’s core principles that have kept the brand growing and thriving — today, as a publicly traded company with a 2021 $412.8 IPO.
What type of founder are you? Definitely feel free to share in the comments.
2024.05.21 18:29 Vivagabex How sad, and painfull.
How sad and selfish is it when someone makes the "Final" decision for you in a friendship, or a relationship.
Even worse is the person that wouldn't explain why or even give the other party the common courtesy to understand. Now I realize you might have been taking internal notes and decisions but courtesy would have you communicate, just saying.
submitted by Vivagabex to u/Vivagabex [link] [comments]
Even worse is the person that wouldn't explain why or even give the other party the common courtesy to understand. Now I realize you might have been taking internal notes and decisions but courtesy would have you communicate, just saying.
2024.05.21 18:28 AutoModerator Memorial Day Mattress Sales
Memorial Day is right around the corner, and I think it’s time we start sharing some insights on the best Memorial Day mattress sales for this year.
Needless to say, we all love to sleep here, and some of you here know A LOT about mattresses... especially where to get the best Memorial Day mattress deals! That’s a fact. I mean, I've seen a lot of mattress deals around already, (Reddit Ads), but we all know there's always something new, especially during big sales events like Memorial Day.
This is one of the biggest sales events though!
I'm pretty sure there are a lot of users just hanging around, looking for mattress deals these days. I mean, who am I to judge, I'd rather help instead. At the end of the day, we all want to get the best deals for whatever we're buying, right?
So, let's break down the ins and outs of this year's Memorial Day mattress sale event.
FYI, brands have to change the promotion every now and then, as there are regulations that suggest that if an item is on sale for the same price for an extended period of time, it is deemed the regular price and can face advertising fines for misleading advertising.
Most brands like to get a jump on their competition. So... usually, by the time the Memorial Day weekend mattress sale hits, mattress offers will be out in full swing.
During the mattress sales Memorial Day period, almost every brand will claim they have the best mattress sales Memorial Day deals. But, don't just get any mattress because it was "CHEAP", always get a mattress that is right for you.
I mean, while the sales are great, the goal is to find a comfy and supportive mattress. So, even though the Memorial Day sale on mattresses is good, the best deal you can get is a good night's sleep.
Here's a guide on how to look and find the best mattress for you.
https://www.reddit.com/Mattresses/comments/1c35c03/how_to_look_for_and_find_the_best_mattress_fo
Anyway.
While you're at it, you might want to look for mattress deals that offer not just discounts but also free stuff like pillows, mattress protectors, or extended trials. Extras are what make deals GREAT, particularly during Memorial Day sales mattress events.
There's not much more to say.
Is Memorial Day a good time to buy a mattress? Yes, it is. Who has the best Memorial Day mattress sales? I don't know, that's why I'm asking.
Last piece of advice.
Most brands are looking to clear out old stock before the mid-year influx of new models, which is why I mentioned that the Memorial Day mattress deals can be some of the best deals you'll see in a year.
But, again... it's not just about finding the best mattress Memorial Day sale; it's about finding the right sale. Also, there's nothing wrong and I have never had an issue with an overstock mattress. Overstock does not equal to crappy, it just means that they have a lot of them... lol
I would suggest keeping an eye out for all online Memorial Day sale mattress events, as they might even have better mattress deals on Memorial Day.
So... what deals have you spotted? Let's share our experiences and tips to make the most out of the Memorial Day sales on mattresses.
submitted by AutoModerator to Mattresses [link] [comments]
Needless to say, we all love to sleep here, and some of you here know A LOT about mattresses... especially where to get the best Memorial Day mattress deals! That’s a fact. I mean, I've seen a lot of mattress deals around already, (Reddit Ads), but we all know there's always something new, especially during big sales events like Memorial Day.
This is one of the biggest sales events though!
I'm pretty sure there are a lot of users just hanging around, looking for mattress deals these days. I mean, who am I to judge, I'd rather help instead. At the end of the day, we all want to get the best deals for whatever we're buying, right?
So, let's break down the ins and outs of this year's Memorial Day mattress sale event.
What are the best Memorial Day mattress sales?
In case you had NO IDEA when Memorial Day mattress sales start, typically, you'll start seeing ads popping up a week or two before May.FYI, brands have to change the promotion every now and then, as there are regulations that suggest that if an item is on sale for the same price for an extended period of time, it is deemed the regular price and can face advertising fines for misleading advertising.
Most brands like to get a jump on their competition. So... usually, by the time the Memorial Day weekend mattress sale hits, mattress offers will be out in full swing.
During the mattress sales Memorial Day period, almost every brand will claim they have the best mattress sales Memorial Day deals. But, don't just get any mattress because it was "CHEAP", always get a mattress that is right for you.
I mean, while the sales are great, the goal is to find a comfy and supportive mattress. So, even though the Memorial Day sale on mattresses is good, the best deal you can get is a good night's sleep.
Here's a guide on how to look and find the best mattress for you.
https://www.reddit.com/Mattresses/comments/1c35c03/how_to_look_for_and_find_the_best_mattress_fo
Anyway.
While you're at it, you might want to look for mattress deals that offer not just discounts but also free stuff like pillows, mattress protectors, or extended trials. Extras are what make deals GREAT, particularly during Memorial Day sales mattress events.
There's not much more to say.
Is Memorial Day a good time to buy a mattress? Yes, it is. Who has the best Memorial Day mattress sales? I don't know, that's why I'm asking.
Last piece of advice.
Most brands are looking to clear out old stock before the mid-year influx of new models, which is why I mentioned that the Memorial Day mattress deals can be some of the best deals you'll see in a year.
But, again... it's not just about finding the best mattress Memorial Day sale; it's about finding the right sale. Also, there's nothing wrong and I have never had an issue with an overstock mattress. Overstock does not equal to crappy, it just means that they have a lot of them... lol
I would suggest keeping an eye out for all online Memorial Day sale mattress events, as they might even have better mattress deals on Memorial Day.
So... what deals have you spotted? Let's share our experiences and tips to make the most out of the Memorial Day sales on mattresses.
2024.05.21 18:25 Consumed2010 Total Shuffled Drama - Basic Straining
Disclaimer: I have switched back to the main subreddit, so aside from three, maybe four of you, you’re probably missing out on some context. If you’d like to be all caught up, you can comb through the previous episodes on my profile.
Votes:
Emma - 2
Katie - 1
Props to u/Proofracer for coming up with plot points
At the campfire ceremony, Chris attempts to build suspense by reminding the campers about the safety of a marshmallow, but Heather insists he get on with it, so the moment is cut short. Chris calls on Shawn, Zoey and Max before tossing them all a marshmallow. He then gives Owen and Heather one each, leaving Emma and Katie. Both Emma and Heather shoot angry looks at Katie, making her feel a tad worried, but Chris gives her the last marshmallow and deems Emma eliminated, causing her to have an outburst at Heather.
Emma: I knew I couldn’t trust you! You’re a backstabbing snake!
Heather: Please, as if I’d betray you this early. If I had any say, you’d still be here for a few more weeks.
Emma: Then, how?
Katie: It’s not just me who’d been fed up with how mean you’ve become. We don’t want a second Heather on this team. No offense.
Heather: Offense taken.
As Emma walks the dock of shame and the rest of the Screaming Gophers disperse, Chris turns to the camera to say his outro.
Chris: Will Max finally do something actually evil? How much longer can Heather keep her alliance afloat? And what will Damien do once he finds out about Bunny’s replacement? Find out next time, on Total Drama Island!
In-world votes:
Emma - Katie, Owen, Max, Shawn
Katie - Heather, Zoey, Emma
Basic Straining
The episode opens with Duncan using his knife to carve a skull into the wall of the Bass cabin when Axel exits the cabin. She scoffs at him, but before she can leave, Duncan attempts to apologize for how he’s treated her in the past. Axel stops to think for a second, but she sees through Duncan’s lie and leaves anyway.
Confessional:
Duncan: Of course I didn’t mean what I said to Axel, but Trent and Sammy are too loyal to one another, and Damien’s essentially attached himself to Dawn. Sadly this means that Axel is the only person I have a chance to ally with, so I need to get back on her good side.
Meanwhile at the Gophers cabin, Katie is sitting dejectedly on the front steps when Owen comes over to cheer her up.
Owen: Are you still bummed out about poisoning me? It’s okay, I know it was an accident.
Katie: That’s only half the problem. Emma got so mad at me for it, and now apparently I brought a cursed item to the team.
Owen: You mean your tiki souvenir? Are you sure it’s cursed?
Katie: Apparently it’s from Boney Island, so I’d say it’s pretty cursed.
Owen: Well, you don’t have to get rid of it, if that’s what you’re worried about. It may be cursed, but it’s still yours. I say you should keep it to remember this show by.
Katie: Thanks Big-O.
Owen: You know what? Let's prove Emma wrong. If you try your best this time, I’m sure you’d do way better at the challenge than you think!
Just then, the loudspeakers turn on, but instead of Chris, it’s Chef Hatchet who orders the campers to meet him at the docks for their next challenge. At the docks, Chef is dressed in a military uniform and starts barking orders at the campers about fixing their forms, with the one exception being Axel, whose form he deems “surprisingly average”. Chef then goes over today’s challenge. The teams will go through Chef’s grueling boot camp and drop out one by one until the last person remaining wins immunity for their team. Heather asks Chef what happened to Chris, but he ignores it and starts going over further rules, like how everyone will have to address him as Master Chief, and that no one eats or sleeps unless he says so.
Confessional:
Axel: I was never trained in the military, but I’m adept in most fields of work Master Chief could go over, so this will be a breeze.
For the first part of the boot camp, each team must carry a canoe, and will continue to do so until someone drops out and rings a bell on the dock. Owen and Trent each make a remark about how easy the challenge sounds, but by noon, everyone is starting to feel the heat.
Chris and Chef are sitting on top of the canoes while taunting the campers about missing lunch. This causes Owen to think about quitting, but Max catches on and tells him not to.
The Bass are still holding up strong, so Duncan tries to talk to Axel again. He says that he knows she hates him, but they’re both stuck between the two couples and need each other. This causes Axel to angrily reply that she’d take her chances with the others over him, leaving Duncan beginning to get annoyed. However, Trent overhears the conversation and begins to look worried.
As night rolls through, the campers are all tired, especially Owen, who has fallen asleep with his arms still holding onto the canoe. Chef is recalling a story from his military days, and Heather asks him what war he was in, causing him to shout at her. Heather then turns to Shawn and tries to strike up a conversation with him.
Heather: Hey Zombie Boy, how do you feel about joining my alliance?
Shawn: Wait what? You’re kidding, right?
Heather: You and Emma were friends, yes?
Shawn: Sure, but that doesn’t mean I trust you. What happened to getting payback on me for locking you in the freezer?
Heather: You could trust me if you were in my alliance. With Emma gone, I’m missing a member of the alliance, and if you join, you won’t be in as bad a spot as you are now.
Shawn: Oh, and what is that supposed to mean?
Heather: Think about it. I didn’t vote Emma off, she got herself eliminated. If the team knew you worked with her, maybe they’d vote you out too. Especially since you’re such a big threat without any allies. With me, I could protect you, plus I won’t plot against you anymore.
Shawn: You were plotting against me?
Heather: That’s besides the point. Just think about it.
Later, Chef has finished bragging about his line of duty just in time for Max to decide he isn’t going to stand in one spot anymore. Much to his teammate’s dismay, he walks down the dock and rings the bell, thus allowing the contestants to drop their canoes. Chef insults Max through his megaphone before ordering everyone else to go to the mess hall to eat dinner, getting Owen excited.
In the cafeteria, Chef announces that everyone will get only ten minutes to eat before he starts night training, which gains him a lot of complaints. Damien asks him where the food is, and Chef gestures to a row of trash cans filled with leftover garbage from breakfast, which only causes more complaining. Owen, however, doesn’t discriminate against the disgusting food and eats some anyway. Chris then invites Chef to eat at the craft services tent, leaving the teams to themselves.
Trent meets with Sammy and tells her about what he heard between Duncan and Axel. He says that Duncan has a point and that since nobody really likes Duncan, Axel would be the deciding vote between them and Dawn and Damien. Hearing this, Sammy comes up with an idea, and suggests winning Axel over ahead of time so that she’s with them. Trent likes the idea, so Sammy goes over to talk with Axel. They have a friendly conversation, and Sammy offers Axel the least disgusting food she can find in the trash, to which Axel declines. Sammy then returns to Trent to talk about other ways to win Axel over.
Damien was watching Sammy’s conversation with Axel, and realises what she and Trent were trying to do, so he walks over to Dawn to talk with her.
Damien: I hate to say this, but we’re going to have to start getting extra votes against Trent and Sammy
Dawn: But why? Wouldn’t we just vote Duncan?
Damien: No, that’s not- I mean, after Duncan’s gone, all that’s left of the Killer Bass is us, them, and Axel. And I think they know that too, because they’re trying to bond with her.
Dawn: Yes, Axel is stuck in between the four of us. I’m not very worried though. I’m good friends with her.
Damien: I know, but we should start getting closer so that if need be, Axel will vote with us instead of them.
Damien then digs through the trash and finds a carrot that is half eaten, but otherwise clean. He decides to save it for Bunny, before noticing that Dawn looks unsure of something. He asks her what’s wrong and she brushes it off as having missed Bunny while it was gone. Damien is happy with this answer and tells Dawn that he knew she and Bunny would get along well, but this only makes her feel worse.
Confessional:
Dawn: Bunny left Damien, but I still don’t know why Duncan found a replacement. Duncan is not to be trusted, but I don’t know how to break the news to Damien that Bunny’s really gone.
We then cut to the next part of the boot camp, which is to repeat Chef’s suspiciously Triller-esque dance routine. The dancing goes on for a while until it’s interrupted when Duncan shuts off the music. Chef angrily asks him what he’s doing so Duncan reminds him about how once someone drops out the training ends. Chef says that they’ll be done when he says they’re done, before forcing Duncan to do push-ups.
Next up, write a three hundred word essay about how much you love Chef, being eliminated if you fall asleep or fail to reach the minimum word count. Owen and Katie are discussing ways to pad out their essays while cracking jokes to make each other laugh. Seeing the two of them bonding, Shawn turns back to his own essay looking a little less confident.
Duncan takes a break from doing the challenge to try and persuade Axel to join him again. She snaps at him and tells him to get lost, but Duncan mentions Shawn, which gets her attention.
Duncan: Let’s face it, everybody knows you like Shawn.
Axel: So? If you want to mock me about it, expect a fight!
Duncan: No, I’m saying that you two are pathetic. Neither one of you ever makes a move! Watching you two is like watching a car crash in slow motion.
Axel: (Sarcastically) Thanks for the advice, Dr. Love.
Duncan: You need a wingman, badly. So it’s going to be me.
Axel: Why would I ever listen to you?
Duncan: Because if you and Shawn are ever going to be a thing, you need me.
Axel: Fine. But if you pull anything you’ll leave this island in a cast.
Duncan gets Axel to close the deal with a handshake before returning back to working on the challenge. Later, Chef returns to pick up the essays, and eliminates both Trent and Zoey for falling asleep. As for everyone else, their essays meet the requirement, although Duncan’s is just one sentence with 289 verys in between. On his way out of the cafeteria, Chef slips in a puddle of Owen’s drool from him being half asleep, and Duncan offers to clean him off. This causes Chef to yell at him again, and the rest of the Bass stop Duncan from saying anything more, lest he get them all in trouble.
The next evening, the training continues, as Chef forces the campers to run an obstacle course until everyone can do it in less than a minute. As they climb a wooden wall, Axel asks Duncan for advice and he tells her she should get Shawn’s attention by showing off her survival skills in the course. Axel takes the advice and waits for Shawn to reach the top of the wall before jumping off and doing acrobatic tricks in midair. This catches Shawn’s eye, who shows off some tricks of his own in return.
The obstacle course causes trouble for some of the other campers, as Owen gets stuck while jumping through a tire, getting him eliminated. On top of that, Damien falls flat on his face when climbing the wall. He pukes up some mud, and is coughing and sputtering, so Chef eliminates him too and sends him to the infirmary.
After going through a montage of campers falling into the mud or otherwise failing, we see Katie struggle to clear a rope swing. She remembers what Owen told her and tries it again, only to clear it easily. She cheers for herself before continuing to run the course.
While crawling through the mud, Sammy reaches a deep spot and starts sinking. Duncan passes while mocking her, only to come across an angry Chef. He gives Duncan more pushups, but Duncan just thanks Chef before kissing him on the nose. This sends Chef off the edge and he announces that Duncan will spend the rest of the night in solitary confinement in the boathouse. This causes everyone to gasp, but Duncan asks how bad it could be, before we cut to him sitting in the boathouse regretting that comment.
In the cafeteria, the contestants remaining in the boot camp are being fed rock hard gruel. Dawn sits down next to Axel, intending to win her over, but Axel is the one to talk first. She explains to Dawn how Duncan is working as a wingman for her and Shawn, and while Dawn is happy for Axel, she reminds her about how Duncan is untrustworthy. She talks about how he replaced Bunny when it left Damien, and that she thinks he has a secret agenda behind everything. Axel agrees with Dawn but leaves to get more advice from Duncan anyway.
Heather finds the gruel Chef has served her to be well past unappetizing, and chooses to instead try to persuade Shawn again. She points out how close Owen, Katie and Max have become, and that since she still has Zoey, they’ll go after him first. After careful consideration, Shawn caves and agrees to work with her. But he specifies that while he will do what’s required for her to protect him, he will not associate himself as a member of her alliance. Despite this, Heather is still pleased by the news, and leaves to get some sleep.
In the boathouse, Axel finds Duncan sweeping the floors to pass the time.
Duncan: Did you get General Crazy angry at you too?
Axel: No, I’m here so you can make good on our deal. What’s some more advice you have?
Duncan: Really? You can’t be so desperate that you need my help for every single thing.
Axel: Then what do you want me to do then? This was entirely your idea!
Duncan: Just ask Shawn out. Maybe set up a date or something. But if you just sit there and don’t talk to him I promise you that nothing good will happen. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to mess with Chef.
Duncan then leaves despite Chef’s orders and heads towards the craft services tent, leaving Axel behind wondering what she could do.
In the Gophers cabin, Katie visits Owen, who congratulates her on doing so well in the boot camp. Katie is ecstatic at her performance and thanks him for giving her the pep talk. Max, while also happy for Katie, insists that “Evil has better things to do than make friends” as he works on something secret in his bunk bed. Owen tells Katie that he thinks she can win the entire challenge, but to this Katie is still a bit skeptical.
The remaining Bass return to their cabin to find Trent and Damien playing cards on the front steps, and inside Dawn finds various snacks left in a big pile on her bed. She’s confused how it got there, but is happy to finally find something edible, so she invites everybody on both teams to hang out and eat the food. As the eleven of them dig in, they discuss how insane Chef is for making them do full on combat training, with only Shawn, Axel, and surprisingly Katie enjoying the challenge. Eventually the relaxation is ruined when Chef barges in and orders everyone in the Killer Bass to line up outside. He announces that the food they were dining on was stolen from the craft services tent, and that he was tipped off that it was one of them because the perpetrator left a raw bass in the fridge. Dawn confesses that she found it on her bed, but before she can explain herself Chef automatically eliminates her from the boot camp and confiscates the rest of the food.
Chef starts the last part of the boot camp the next morning, which is to hang upside-down from a tree until only one person is left. The last campers left are Sammy, Duncan and Axel for the Bass, and Shawn, Heather and Katie for the Gophers. Axel confronts Duncan about what he did, and he admits he stole Chris and Chef’s food, left a bass behind as a calling card and dumped the food on the first bed he found. Axel is pissed at him for getting Dawn in trouble with Chef and cuts the deal between them, causing Duncan to tell her that he never really cared.
Confessional:
Duncan: Okay, maybe I went a little too far, but I’ve always found a way to stay in the game. Surely this will be no different, right?
Chef rants about the side effects of being upside down, and as he goes over each one, someone gets it, causing them to fall off the tree. Eventually it’s down to Axel and Katie, with Dawn cheering on Axel while Owen motivates Katie. Axel looks between Dawn and Duncan, and is visibly conflicted, while Katie’s starting to get dizzy. But just as she’s about to fall, Axel jumps off first, meaning the Screaming Gophers win. Katie then falls off the tree before being enveloped in a bear hug by Owen. Chef congratulates Katie, saying he’d go to war with her anytime, but she gets mixed messages from the complement.
Duncan scolds Axel, saying she lost the challenge for them. But she snaps at him in front of everyone.
Axel: You are not fit to be on this island! You essentially threw two challenges, ridiculed me the entire game, and now got Dawn disqualified just because you wanted to prank Chef! So excuse me if I want you out!
Duncan snaps back at her before storming off, and for the first time in a while, Axel looks relieved. Dawn then comes up to her with Damien telling her that she did the right thing. Afterwards, Damien asks Dawn if she only said that to get Axel on their side, gaining an annoyed look from her. Seeing this, he backtracks and says that they should help Axel like real friends, and is relieved when Dawn nods her head in agreement.
Vote off a Killer Bass and come up with any plot points you want to see later.
submitted by Consumed2010 to Totaldrama [link] [comments]
Disclaimer: I have switched back to the main subreddit, so aside from three, maybe four of you, you’re probably missing out on some context. If you’d like to be all caught up, you can comb through the previous episodes on my profile.
Votes:
Emma - 2
Katie - 1
Props to u/Proofracer for coming up with plot points
At the campfire ceremony, Chris attempts to build suspense by reminding the campers about the safety of a marshmallow, but Heather insists he get on with it, so the moment is cut short. Chris calls on Shawn, Zoey and Max before tossing them all a marshmallow. He then gives Owen and Heather one each, leaving Emma and Katie. Both Emma and Heather shoot angry looks at Katie, making her feel a tad worried, but Chris gives her the last marshmallow and deems Emma eliminated, causing her to have an outburst at Heather.
Emma: I knew I couldn’t trust you! You’re a backstabbing snake!
Heather: Please, as if I’d betray you this early. If I had any say, you’d still be here for a few more weeks.
Emma: Then, how?
Katie: It’s not just me who’d been fed up with how mean you’ve become. We don’t want a second Heather on this team. No offense.
Heather: Offense taken.
As Emma walks the dock of shame and the rest of the Screaming Gophers disperse, Chris turns to the camera to say his outro.
Chris: Will Max finally do something actually evil? How much longer can Heather keep her alliance afloat? And what will Damien do once he finds out about Bunny’s replacement? Find out next time, on Total Drama Island!
In-world votes:
Emma - Katie, Owen, Max, Shawn
Katie - Heather, Zoey, Emma
Basic Straining
The episode opens with Duncan using his knife to carve a skull into the wall of the Bass cabin when Axel exits the cabin. She scoffs at him, but before she can leave, Duncan attempts to apologize for how he’s treated her in the past. Axel stops to think for a second, but she sees through Duncan’s lie and leaves anyway.
Confessional:
Duncan: Of course I didn’t mean what I said to Axel, but Trent and Sammy are too loyal to one another, and Damien’s essentially attached himself to Dawn. Sadly this means that Axel is the only person I have a chance to ally with, so I need to get back on her good side.
Meanwhile at the Gophers cabin, Katie is sitting dejectedly on the front steps when Owen comes over to cheer her up.
Owen: Are you still bummed out about poisoning me? It’s okay, I know it was an accident.
Katie: That’s only half the problem. Emma got so mad at me for it, and now apparently I brought a cursed item to the team.
Owen: You mean your tiki souvenir? Are you sure it’s cursed?
Katie: Apparently it’s from Boney Island, so I’d say it’s pretty cursed.
Owen: Well, you don’t have to get rid of it, if that’s what you’re worried about. It may be cursed, but it’s still yours. I say you should keep it to remember this show by.
Katie: Thanks Big-O.
Owen: You know what? Let's prove Emma wrong. If you try your best this time, I’m sure you’d do way better at the challenge than you think!
Just then, the loudspeakers turn on, but instead of Chris, it’s Chef Hatchet who orders the campers to meet him at the docks for their next challenge. At the docks, Chef is dressed in a military uniform and starts barking orders at the campers about fixing their forms, with the one exception being Axel, whose form he deems “surprisingly average”. Chef then goes over today’s challenge. The teams will go through Chef’s grueling boot camp and drop out one by one until the last person remaining wins immunity for their team. Heather asks Chef what happened to Chris, but he ignores it and starts going over further rules, like how everyone will have to address him as Master Chief, and that no one eats or sleeps unless he says so.
Confessional:
Axel: I was never trained in the military, but I’m adept in most fields of work Master Chief could go over, so this will be a breeze.
For the first part of the boot camp, each team must carry a canoe, and will continue to do so until someone drops out and rings a bell on the dock. Owen and Trent each make a remark about how easy the challenge sounds, but by noon, everyone is starting to feel the heat.
Chris and Chef are sitting on top of the canoes while taunting the campers about missing lunch. This causes Owen to think about quitting, but Max catches on and tells him not to.
The Bass are still holding up strong, so Duncan tries to talk to Axel again. He says that he knows she hates him, but they’re both stuck between the two couples and need each other. This causes Axel to angrily reply that she’d take her chances with the others over him, leaving Duncan beginning to get annoyed. However, Trent overhears the conversation and begins to look worried.
As night rolls through, the campers are all tired, especially Owen, who has fallen asleep with his arms still holding onto the canoe. Chef is recalling a story from his military days, and Heather asks him what war he was in, causing him to shout at her. Heather then turns to Shawn and tries to strike up a conversation with him.
Heather: Hey Zombie Boy, how do you feel about joining my alliance?
Shawn: Wait what? You’re kidding, right?
Heather: You and Emma were friends, yes?
Shawn: Sure, but that doesn’t mean I trust you. What happened to getting payback on me for locking you in the freezer?
Heather: You could trust me if you were in my alliance. With Emma gone, I’m missing a member of the alliance, and if you join, you won’t be in as bad a spot as you are now.
Shawn: Oh, and what is that supposed to mean?
Heather: Think about it. I didn’t vote Emma off, she got herself eliminated. If the team knew you worked with her, maybe they’d vote you out too. Especially since you’re such a big threat without any allies. With me, I could protect you, plus I won’t plot against you anymore.
Shawn: You were plotting against me?
Heather: That’s besides the point. Just think about it.
Later, Chef has finished bragging about his line of duty just in time for Max to decide he isn’t going to stand in one spot anymore. Much to his teammate’s dismay, he walks down the dock and rings the bell, thus allowing the contestants to drop their canoes. Chef insults Max through his megaphone before ordering everyone else to go to the mess hall to eat dinner, getting Owen excited.
In the cafeteria, Chef announces that everyone will get only ten minutes to eat before he starts night training, which gains him a lot of complaints. Damien asks him where the food is, and Chef gestures to a row of trash cans filled with leftover garbage from breakfast, which only causes more complaining. Owen, however, doesn’t discriminate against the disgusting food and eats some anyway. Chris then invites Chef to eat at the craft services tent, leaving the teams to themselves.
Trent meets with Sammy and tells her about what he heard between Duncan and Axel. He says that Duncan has a point and that since nobody really likes Duncan, Axel would be the deciding vote between them and Dawn and Damien. Hearing this, Sammy comes up with an idea, and suggests winning Axel over ahead of time so that she’s with them. Trent likes the idea, so Sammy goes over to talk with Axel. They have a friendly conversation, and Sammy offers Axel the least disgusting food she can find in the trash, to which Axel declines. Sammy then returns to Trent to talk about other ways to win Axel over.
Damien was watching Sammy’s conversation with Axel, and realises what she and Trent were trying to do, so he walks over to Dawn to talk with her.
Damien: I hate to say this, but we’re going to have to start getting extra votes against Trent and Sammy
Dawn: But why? Wouldn’t we just vote Duncan?
Damien: No, that’s not- I mean, after Duncan’s gone, all that’s left of the Killer Bass is us, them, and Axel. And I think they know that too, because they’re trying to bond with her.
Dawn: Yes, Axel is stuck in between the four of us. I’m not very worried though. I’m good friends with her.
Damien: I know, but we should start getting closer so that if need be, Axel will vote with us instead of them.
Damien then digs through the trash and finds a carrot that is half eaten, but otherwise clean. He decides to save it for Bunny, before noticing that Dawn looks unsure of something. He asks her what’s wrong and she brushes it off as having missed Bunny while it was gone. Damien is happy with this answer and tells Dawn that he knew she and Bunny would get along well, but this only makes her feel worse.
Confessional:
Dawn: Bunny left Damien, but I still don’t know why Duncan found a replacement. Duncan is not to be trusted, but I don’t know how to break the news to Damien that Bunny’s really gone.
We then cut to the next part of the boot camp, which is to repeat Chef’s suspiciously Triller-esque dance routine. The dancing goes on for a while until it’s interrupted when Duncan shuts off the music. Chef angrily asks him what he’s doing so Duncan reminds him about how once someone drops out the training ends. Chef says that they’ll be done when he says they’re done, before forcing Duncan to do push-ups.
Next up, write a three hundred word essay about how much you love Chef, being eliminated if you fall asleep or fail to reach the minimum word count. Owen and Katie are discussing ways to pad out their essays while cracking jokes to make each other laugh. Seeing the two of them bonding, Shawn turns back to his own essay looking a little less confident.
Duncan takes a break from doing the challenge to try and persuade Axel to join him again. She snaps at him and tells him to get lost, but Duncan mentions Shawn, which gets her attention.
Duncan: Let’s face it, everybody knows you like Shawn.
Axel: So? If you want to mock me about it, expect a fight!
Duncan: No, I’m saying that you two are pathetic. Neither one of you ever makes a move! Watching you two is like watching a car crash in slow motion.
Axel: (Sarcastically) Thanks for the advice, Dr. Love.
Duncan: You need a wingman, badly. So it’s going to be me.
Axel: Why would I ever listen to you?
Duncan: Because if you and Shawn are ever going to be a thing, you need me.
Axel: Fine. But if you pull anything you’ll leave this island in a cast.
Duncan gets Axel to close the deal with a handshake before returning back to working on the challenge. Later, Chef returns to pick up the essays, and eliminates both Trent and Zoey for falling asleep. As for everyone else, their essays meet the requirement, although Duncan’s is just one sentence with 289 verys in between. On his way out of the cafeteria, Chef slips in a puddle of Owen’s drool from him being half asleep, and Duncan offers to clean him off. This causes Chef to yell at him again, and the rest of the Bass stop Duncan from saying anything more, lest he get them all in trouble.
The next evening, the training continues, as Chef forces the campers to run an obstacle course until everyone can do it in less than a minute. As they climb a wooden wall, Axel asks Duncan for advice and he tells her she should get Shawn’s attention by showing off her survival skills in the course. Axel takes the advice and waits for Shawn to reach the top of the wall before jumping off and doing acrobatic tricks in midair. This catches Shawn’s eye, who shows off some tricks of his own in return.
The obstacle course causes trouble for some of the other campers, as Owen gets stuck while jumping through a tire, getting him eliminated. On top of that, Damien falls flat on his face when climbing the wall. He pukes up some mud, and is coughing and sputtering, so Chef eliminates him too and sends him to the infirmary.
After going through a montage of campers falling into the mud or otherwise failing, we see Katie struggle to clear a rope swing. She remembers what Owen told her and tries it again, only to clear it easily. She cheers for herself before continuing to run the course.
While crawling through the mud, Sammy reaches a deep spot and starts sinking. Duncan passes while mocking her, only to come across an angry Chef. He gives Duncan more pushups, but Duncan just thanks Chef before kissing him on the nose. This sends Chef off the edge and he announces that Duncan will spend the rest of the night in solitary confinement in the boathouse. This causes everyone to gasp, but Duncan asks how bad it could be, before we cut to him sitting in the boathouse regretting that comment.
In the cafeteria, the contestants remaining in the boot camp are being fed rock hard gruel. Dawn sits down next to Axel, intending to win her over, but Axel is the one to talk first. She explains to Dawn how Duncan is working as a wingman for her and Shawn, and while Dawn is happy for Axel, she reminds her about how Duncan is untrustworthy. She talks about how he replaced Bunny when it left Damien, and that she thinks he has a secret agenda behind everything. Axel agrees with Dawn but leaves to get more advice from Duncan anyway.
Heather finds the gruel Chef has served her to be well past unappetizing, and chooses to instead try to persuade Shawn again. She points out how close Owen, Katie and Max have become, and that since she still has Zoey, they’ll go after him first. After careful consideration, Shawn caves and agrees to work with her. But he specifies that while he will do what’s required for her to protect him, he will not associate himself as a member of her alliance. Despite this, Heather is still pleased by the news, and leaves to get some sleep.
In the boathouse, Axel finds Duncan sweeping the floors to pass the time.
Duncan: Did you get General Crazy angry at you too?
Axel: No, I’m here so you can make good on our deal. What’s some more advice you have?
Duncan: Really? You can’t be so desperate that you need my help for every single thing.
Axel: Then what do you want me to do then? This was entirely your idea!
Duncan: Just ask Shawn out. Maybe set up a date or something. But if you just sit there and don’t talk to him I promise you that nothing good will happen. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to mess with Chef.
Duncan then leaves despite Chef’s orders and heads towards the craft services tent, leaving Axel behind wondering what she could do.
In the Gophers cabin, Katie visits Owen, who congratulates her on doing so well in the boot camp. Katie is ecstatic at her performance and thanks him for giving her the pep talk. Max, while also happy for Katie, insists that “Evil has better things to do than make friends” as he works on something secret in his bunk bed. Owen tells Katie that he thinks she can win the entire challenge, but to this Katie is still a bit skeptical.
The remaining Bass return to their cabin to find Trent and Damien playing cards on the front steps, and inside Dawn finds various snacks left in a big pile on her bed. She’s confused how it got there, but is happy to finally find something edible, so she invites everybody on both teams to hang out and eat the food. As the eleven of them dig in, they discuss how insane Chef is for making them do full on combat training, with only Shawn, Axel, and surprisingly Katie enjoying the challenge. Eventually the relaxation is ruined when Chef barges in and orders everyone in the Killer Bass to line up outside. He announces that the food they were dining on was stolen from the craft services tent, and that he was tipped off that it was one of them because the perpetrator left a raw bass in the fridge. Dawn confesses that she found it on her bed, but before she can explain herself Chef automatically eliminates her from the boot camp and confiscates the rest of the food.
Chef starts the last part of the boot camp the next morning, which is to hang upside-down from a tree until only one person is left. The last campers left are Sammy, Duncan and Axel for the Bass, and Shawn, Heather and Katie for the Gophers. Axel confronts Duncan about what he did, and he admits he stole Chris and Chef’s food, left a bass behind as a calling card and dumped the food on the first bed he found. Axel is pissed at him for getting Dawn in trouble with Chef and cuts the deal between them, causing Duncan to tell her that he never really cared.
Confessional:
Duncan: Okay, maybe I went a little too far, but I’ve always found a way to stay in the game. Surely this will be no different, right?
Chef rants about the side effects of being upside down, and as he goes over each one, someone gets it, causing them to fall off the tree. Eventually it’s down to Axel and Katie, with Dawn cheering on Axel while Owen motivates Katie. Axel looks between Dawn and Duncan, and is visibly conflicted, while Katie’s starting to get dizzy. But just as she’s about to fall, Axel jumps off first, meaning the Screaming Gophers win. Katie then falls off the tree before being enveloped in a bear hug by Owen. Chef congratulates Katie, saying he’d go to war with her anytime, but she gets mixed messages from the complement.
Duncan scolds Axel, saying she lost the challenge for them. But she snaps at him in front of everyone.
Axel: You are not fit to be on this island! You essentially threw two challenges, ridiculed me the entire game, and now got Dawn disqualified just because you wanted to prank Chef! So excuse me if I want you out!
Duncan snaps back at her before storming off, and for the first time in a while, Axel looks relieved. Dawn then comes up to her with Damien telling her that she did the right thing. Afterwards, Damien asks Dawn if she only said that to get Axel on their side, gaining an annoyed look from her. Seeing this, he backtracks and says that they should help Axel like real friends, and is relieved when Dawn nods her head in agreement.
Vote off a Killer Bass and come up with any plot points you want to see later.
2024.05.21 18:23 LectureAccomplished8 Social expiriences as a hidieously ugly woman.
I have to be the nicest and most harmless person with the most "normal" fake expression (not because I feel not normal, but because my face has a weird expression) in the room just to have my presece tolerated. The nicest most harmless person will get me as far as greeting me with hello and goodby, and even then is only with some people (mostly women). Not only that no one ever contacts me about everything - studing, general topics, technical little things - anything, ever - they actually don't reply when I need help with those things. Over the past months I have texted 3 different girls (of course girls, I will never approach guys with anything, god forbid) study realted questions - only one question for each - and they didn't reply. I don't want to think what would have happened if I had offered them to do assignments together or anything that will make them, how terrible, talk to me for a few minutes. When I go get some service if I ask more than question I am "hard" and "annoying", when other people ask millions of questions and no body sees that as anything wrong. I have always concidered to be annyoing when I am barely even speaking or not speaking at all.
I asked on another sub is being unattractive makes it hard for them to get friends. With me -friends? I can't get anyone to interact with me for a few minutes over techniqal trivial issues, even virtually, when they know how I look like. These girls I mentioned (who are all really nice girls) will say hi to me if they see me, usually with the weirdest of expression every single time (even people who have seen me from the day I was born still look at my face with this unbreakable weirdness), and that's the end of that for all of my life. Not a single conversation, not ever any meeting, even when it's on completley un-personal things with common interest like doing school assignments, because of this huge broken nose and malformed-shut down-demon looking eyes. Who in the world would have accept this?
I constantly have to prove that my presence wll not be any annoyance, that I won't approcach ot talk to anyone. "You will never have to look at this hidious thing so please just tolerate me being in the same room with you". This is really like this. I have tried different approach, which comes naturally to me now, with just being my self and to be confident in who I am. And I am. I have changed a lot, I am very confident about my personality now. But the socail rejection is the same or maybe even worse than it was years ago. Not even any other WOMAN for god's sake would talk to me like she does with every other person.
The only thing I think bothers them other than my face is that they find me too serious and boring to hang out with because I don't have daily normal expiriences that everyone else does - but that's just an excuse. Even if you find someone to be boring you don't reffrain from talking to him about EVERY TOPIC for the rest of his life. So you won't be his best friend cause you wanna have fun , but you will still speak to him occassionaly about general or common interests, and without this weirdness like you look at something demonic.
I can take being ugly and therefore rejected, what I think about anyway doesn't meet with the grand majority around me so it works fine, but this? That I can't get any technical help when I really need it? That I always have to prove I am never gonna bother anyone (and by 'bother' I mean just talking)? that someone saying "hello" to me is, if it happens, the best expirience I have? I know this is too hidieous to look at. So I am not seeking for friendship with anyone, but just the most basic normal day to day interactios, get help when I need it. I promise not to try in be their friend, I know it terrifies them because of my face. But just that. Who in the world would agree to living like this?
submitted by LectureAccomplished8 to ugly [link] [comments]
I asked on another sub is being unattractive makes it hard for them to get friends. With me -friends? I can't get anyone to interact with me for a few minutes over techniqal trivial issues, even virtually, when they know how I look like. These girls I mentioned (who are all really nice girls) will say hi to me if they see me, usually with the weirdest of expression every single time (even people who have seen me from the day I was born still look at my face with this unbreakable weirdness), and that's the end of that for all of my life. Not a single conversation, not ever any meeting, even when it's on completley un-personal things with common interest like doing school assignments, because of this huge broken nose and malformed-shut down-demon looking eyes. Who in the world would have accept this?
I constantly have to prove that my presence wll not be any annoyance, that I won't approcach ot talk to anyone. "You will never have to look at this hidious thing so please just tolerate me being in the same room with you". This is really like this. I have tried different approach, which comes naturally to me now, with just being my self and to be confident in who I am. And I am. I have changed a lot, I am very confident about my personality now. But the socail rejection is the same or maybe even worse than it was years ago. Not even any other WOMAN for god's sake would talk to me like she does with every other person.
The only thing I think bothers them other than my face is that they find me too serious and boring to hang out with because I don't have daily normal expiriences that everyone else does - but that's just an excuse. Even if you find someone to be boring you don't reffrain from talking to him about EVERY TOPIC for the rest of his life. So you won't be his best friend cause you wanna have fun , but you will still speak to him occassionaly about general or common interests, and without this weirdness like you look at something demonic.
I can take being ugly and therefore rejected, what I think about anyway doesn't meet with the grand majority around me so it works fine, but this? That I can't get any technical help when I really need it? That I always have to prove I am never gonna bother anyone (and by 'bother' I mean just talking)? that someone saying "hello" to me is, if it happens, the best expirience I have? I know this is too hidieous to look at. So I am not seeking for friendship with anyone, but just the most basic normal day to day interactios, get help when I need it. I promise not to try in be their friend, I know it terrifies them because of my face. But just that. Who in the world would agree to living like this?
2024.05.21 18:21 Global-Restaurant-33 AITA: my bridesmaid skipped my wedding to get engaged.
Hi! I (F, 25) just got married 6 months ago and this is STILL bothering me.. So here I am. I have been friends with this girl (we'll name her O, F, 26) since I was 10 years old with a break from ages 15 to 21 ( I moved) . We reconnected just before my 22nd birthday, which is around the time I met my husband. She had also JUST started dating her now fiance. We are two of five in a group of girls all from the same middle school and reconnected at the same time our partners into the mix. Honestly, before I got engaged there's not much of a story. I found it odd that she got a very similar dog to mine and named it something similar, almost a year to the day that I got mine, but that's like, whatever. She did a couple other little copycat things but, imitation is a form of flattery right? Anyway, my man and I get engaged and essentially, same day, choose our wedding date which was 9 weeks later (it was a significant date). Moments after getting engaged, I call the group and share the news, telling them we will most likely be getting married x day. Now, I understand it's short notice, but they're my lifelong friends and I knew, they knew they'd be bridesmaids.
O tells me she will not be able to make the wedding because she has a trip planned (is this wrong of her, because I totally understood). I make it official at my engagement party 4 weeks later and ask them to be bridesmaids, knowing O won't be present. I ask them for NOTHING. Note: they did not throw me a brunch or lunch or help with anything, nor did I expect it because it was all so quick. I told them they could wear what they want, no gifts, just be present x day, place and time. Shortly after my engagement party (wedding 4.5 weeks away) that O tells us her boyfriend has gone ring shopping. I am happy for her thinking she'll be engaged soon or SOONEST the end of her trip.
My wedding morning arrives, she sends me a congratulatory text from the airport departure lounge. My wedding day goes by. The day after my wedding goes by. I've been married now 48 hours and.. O drops "we're engaged" in the group chat. So what do I do? I call!! Of course! Because that's the least you can do when one of your closest 5 friends has a big life event. The facetime call was awkward at best, she never acknowledged my wedding even though I was still in my all white sweatsuit. She didn't seem to care that I called and her fiance couldn't be bothered, but I could have been interrupting I guess. (Note: she had the ability to call me and join the girls from wherever she was, but chose not to)
They return for their trip and I begin planning to host one of the other 5 girls' birthday party. She, of course, comes to my house for the party. This is the first time we see eachother since I'm a wife and she, a fiancée. At the time, I lived in a high rise building so I had to go down to get her. First words to her "congratulations!!!" It was not returned. Not to me or my husband all. Night. She talked about her wedding ideas and plans with my husband for no less than 30 minutes while the rest of the girls got ready. The other ladies noticed but she just didn't seem to read the room at all. I even tried by giving her a white scrunchie I got during wedding planning as a little pass along, bridal thing... In an effort to initiate some kind of conversation.
After that night, I really realize that this may have been intentional. I mean of course I thought it, but now I was really skeptical. I asked another girl in the group and according to O, her fiance only purchased the ring 3 weeks before their trip. Which means he knew he was going to do it. That's fine, but it would have been so much nicer to have felt included and not like it was done to overshadow me. He could have called and said "hey I'm gonna do this, I know shes your lifelong bestie and she won't be in your wedding photos, but it's for good reason 🥹" I would have been soo down and happy. This leads me to believe that she doesn't really speak highly of me to her man or make our friendship seem as important as I considered it to be... She was a bridesmaid at my mini wedding (25 guests at the ceremony).
We live about 45 minutes apart and have very busy lifestyles so I haven't seen her much since. I've been distant I. The group chat but I'm not sure she's even aware there's an issue, dispute me not being able to give her a difinitive answer on weather or not I want to be a bridesmaid in her wedding.
It's been 6 months since my wedding & her engagement and her engagement party is coming up (My cousin asked me to plan her birthday party, which falls on the same day as her engagement party, so honestly I'm not pressed about going at all)
I still feel icky about everything and honestly am not sure if I care to work it out. On the most important day of my life (imo), she showed how much she cared to make me feel loved. I haven't done anything bridal for her beyond the scrunchie.
AMITA and/or am I overreacting?
Should I be her bridesmaid? Pls I need help..
Notes:
•her wedding is in 2025 •her & her man have been together as long as me & my husband •me f25, my husband m26, her f26, her man m29
submitted by Global-Restaurant-33 to AITA_Relationships [link] [comments]
O tells me she will not be able to make the wedding because she has a trip planned (is this wrong of her, because I totally understood). I make it official at my engagement party 4 weeks later and ask them to be bridesmaids, knowing O won't be present. I ask them for NOTHING. Note: they did not throw me a brunch or lunch or help with anything, nor did I expect it because it was all so quick. I told them they could wear what they want, no gifts, just be present x day, place and time. Shortly after my engagement party (wedding 4.5 weeks away) that O tells us her boyfriend has gone ring shopping. I am happy for her thinking she'll be engaged soon or SOONEST the end of her trip.
My wedding morning arrives, she sends me a congratulatory text from the airport departure lounge. My wedding day goes by. The day after my wedding goes by. I've been married now 48 hours and.. O drops "we're engaged" in the group chat. So what do I do? I call!! Of course! Because that's the least you can do when one of your closest 5 friends has a big life event. The facetime call was awkward at best, she never acknowledged my wedding even though I was still in my all white sweatsuit. She didn't seem to care that I called and her fiance couldn't be bothered, but I could have been interrupting I guess. (Note: she had the ability to call me and join the girls from wherever she was, but chose not to)
They return for their trip and I begin planning to host one of the other 5 girls' birthday party. She, of course, comes to my house for the party. This is the first time we see eachother since I'm a wife and she, a fiancée. At the time, I lived in a high rise building so I had to go down to get her. First words to her "congratulations!!!" It was not returned. Not to me or my husband all. Night. She talked about her wedding ideas and plans with my husband for no less than 30 minutes while the rest of the girls got ready. The other ladies noticed but she just didn't seem to read the room at all. I even tried by giving her a white scrunchie I got during wedding planning as a little pass along, bridal thing... In an effort to initiate some kind of conversation.
After that night, I really realize that this may have been intentional. I mean of course I thought it, but now I was really skeptical. I asked another girl in the group and according to O, her fiance only purchased the ring 3 weeks before their trip. Which means he knew he was going to do it. That's fine, but it would have been so much nicer to have felt included and not like it was done to overshadow me. He could have called and said "hey I'm gonna do this, I know shes your lifelong bestie and she won't be in your wedding photos, but it's for good reason 🥹" I would have been soo down and happy. This leads me to believe that she doesn't really speak highly of me to her man or make our friendship seem as important as I considered it to be... She was a bridesmaid at my mini wedding (25 guests at the ceremony).
We live about 45 minutes apart and have very busy lifestyles so I haven't seen her much since. I've been distant I. The group chat but I'm not sure she's even aware there's an issue, dispute me not being able to give her a difinitive answer on weather or not I want to be a bridesmaid in her wedding.
It's been 6 months since my wedding & her engagement and her engagement party is coming up (My cousin asked me to plan her birthday party, which falls on the same day as her engagement party, so honestly I'm not pressed about going at all)
I still feel icky about everything and honestly am not sure if I care to work it out. On the most important day of my life (imo), she showed how much she cared to make me feel loved. I haven't done anything bridal for her beyond the scrunchie.
AMITA and/or am I overreacting?
Should I be her bridesmaid? Pls I need help..
Notes:
•her wedding is in 2025 •her & her man have been together as long as me & my husband •me f25, my husband m26, her f26, her man m29
2024.05.21 18:21 Fit-University4996 Everything Hurts - I need help
I haven’t seen my fiancée since court on May 7th due to court mandating a protective order. I miss him so much. Our next court date is Friday and I’m anxious, and I’m so afraid he won’t love me anymore or will leave me.
I haven’t left my bed since. I can’t eat. I’m so depressed.
If I had to pick being hurt by him or being hurt losing him, I pick being hurt by him.
I am so in love with him.
and even as I rewatch the footage and hear his threats, hear him calling me a bitch, hear him threatening to sock my face in until I die, and even him strangling me. Nothing makes his absence any easier on me. I miss him. I love him.
I’m a wreck. I cant stop crying. I just rot in bed everyday and every day this gets more and more painful.
I know my drinking bothers him and triggers his anger and I will literally never drink again if I can have him back home. I’m in therapy and on anti-alcohol medications so it’s not like I’m completely dismissing the problem, I’m working really freakin hard. But I’m losing him to alcohol. And realistic me knows it’s a genuine medical problem but idk alcoholism is ugly and it does not discriminate.
Anyways our lease ends this month and idk what to do, where to go, I guess it depends on the court hearing on Friday, if they continue the mandated protective order like how do I navigate this move on my own? I can’t even shower I’m drowning in depression. What if he decided to break up with me? How to I navigate his personal belongings versus mine and the movers/packers. I moved across the county for him and we had plans to relocate together once our lease ended. I’m from Connecticut, I’ve been in CA for over two years because that’s where he’s from and I absolutely hate California and I know its definitely a contributing factor to my depression and alcohol use. We have 2 Guinea pigs and a bearded dragon I have to account for potentially going across country safely. I’ve done the drive with the guinea pigs but it’s his lizard and I’ve brought a small animal carrier and 24 hour heat packs and portable light to make the potential drive not distressing for the lizard. Anyways I’m ranting because I have legit no idea what my life is going to be after Friday.
I’ve been off work since the night of the assault and I’m financially okay for now I just… I’m just beside myself.
I need help.
submitted by Fit-University4996 to domesticviolence [link] [comments]
I haven’t left my bed since. I can’t eat. I’m so depressed.
If I had to pick being hurt by him or being hurt losing him, I pick being hurt by him.
I am so in love with him.
and even as I rewatch the footage and hear his threats, hear him calling me a bitch, hear him threatening to sock my face in until I die, and even him strangling me. Nothing makes his absence any easier on me. I miss him. I love him.
I’m a wreck. I cant stop crying. I just rot in bed everyday and every day this gets more and more painful.
I know my drinking bothers him and triggers his anger and I will literally never drink again if I can have him back home. I’m in therapy and on anti-alcohol medications so it’s not like I’m completely dismissing the problem, I’m working really freakin hard. But I’m losing him to alcohol. And realistic me knows it’s a genuine medical problem but idk alcoholism is ugly and it does not discriminate.
Anyways our lease ends this month and idk what to do, where to go, I guess it depends on the court hearing on Friday, if they continue the mandated protective order like how do I navigate this move on my own? I can’t even shower I’m drowning in depression. What if he decided to break up with me? How to I navigate his personal belongings versus mine and the movers/packers. I moved across the county for him and we had plans to relocate together once our lease ended. I’m from Connecticut, I’ve been in CA for over two years because that’s where he’s from and I absolutely hate California and I know its definitely a contributing factor to my depression and alcohol use. We have 2 Guinea pigs and a bearded dragon I have to account for potentially going across country safely. I’ve done the drive with the guinea pigs but it’s his lizard and I’ve brought a small animal carrier and 24 hour heat packs and portable light to make the potential drive not distressing for the lizard. Anyways I’m ranting because I have legit no idea what my life is going to be after Friday.
I’ve been off work since the night of the assault and I’m financially okay for now I just… I’m just beside myself.
I need help.
2024.05.21 18:21 Global-Restaurant-33 AITA: my bridesmaid skipped my wedding to get engaged.
Hi! I (F, 25) just got married 6 months ago and this is STILL bothering me.. So here I am. I have been friends with this girl (we'll name her O, F, 26) since I was 10 years old with a break from ages 15 to 21 ( I moved) . We reconnected just before my 22nd birthday, which is around the time I met my husband. She had also JUST started dating her now fiance. We are two of five in a group of girls all from the same middle school and reconnected at the same time our partners into the mix. Honestly, before I got engaged there's not much of a story. I found it odd that she got a very similar dog to mine and named it something similar, almost a year to the day that I got mine, but that's like, whatever. She did a couple other little copycat things but, imitation is a form of flattery right? Anyway, my man and I get engaged and essentially, same day, choose our wedding date which was 9 weeks later (it was a significant date). Moments after getting engaged, I call the group and share the news, telling them we will most likely be getting married x day. Now, I understand it's short notice, but they're my lifelong friends and I knew, they knew they'd be bridesmaids.
O tells me she will not be able to make the wedding because she has a trip planned (is this wrong of her, because I totally understood). I make it official at my engagement party 4 weeks later and ask them to be bridesmaids, knowing O won't be present. I ask them for NOTHING. Note: they did not throw me a brunch or lunch or help with anything, nor did I expect it because it was all so quick. I told them they could wear what they want, no gifts, just be present x day, place and time. Shortly after my engagement party (wedding 4.5 weeks away) that O tells us her boyfriend has gone ring shopping. I am happy for her thinking she'll be engaged soon or SOONEST the end of her trip.
My wedding morning arrives, she sends me a congratulatory text from the airport departure lounge. My wedding day goes by. The day after my wedding goes by. I've been married now 48 hours and.. O drops "we're engaged" in the group chat. So what do I do? I call!! Of course! Because that's the least you can do when one of your closest 5 friends has a big life event. The facetime call was awkward at best, she never acknowledged my wedding even though I was still in my all white sweatsuit. She didn't seem to care that I called and her fiance couldn't be bothered, but I could have been interrupting I guess. (Note: she had the ability to call me and join the girls from wherever she was, but chose not to)
They return for their trip and I begin planning to host one of the other 5 girls' birthday party. She, of course, comes to my house for the party. This is the first time we see eachother since I'm a wife and she, a fiancée. At the time, I lived in a high rise building so I had to go down to get her. First words to her "congratulations!!!" It was not returned. Not to me or my husband all. Night. She talked about her wedding ideas and plans with my husband for no less than 30 minutes while the rest of the girls got ready. The other ladies noticed but she just didn't seem to read the room at all. I even tried by giving her a white scrunchie I got during wedding planning as a little pass along, bridal thing... In an effort to initiate some kind of conversation.
After that night, I really realize that this may have been intentional. I mean of course I thought it, but now I was really skeptical. I asked another girl in the group and according to O, her fiance only purchased the ring 3 weeks before their trip. Which means he knew he was going to do it. That's fine, but it would have been so much nicer to have felt included and not like it was done to overshadow me. He could have called and said "hey I'm gonna do this, I know shes your lifelong bestie and she won't be in your wedding photos, but it's for good reason 🥹" I would have been soo down and happy. This leads me to believe that she doesn't really speak highly of me to her man or make our friendship seem as important as I considered it to be... She was a bridesmaid at my mini wedding (25 guests at the ceremony).
We live about 45 minutes apart and have very busy lifestyles so I haven't seen her much since. I've been distant I. The group chat but I'm not sure she's even aware there's an issue, dispute me not being able to give her a difinitive answer on weather or not I want to be a bridesmaid in her wedding.
It's been 6 months since my wedding & her engagement and her engagement party is coming up (My cousin asked me to plan her birthday party, which falls on the same day as her engagement party, so honestly I'm not pressed about going at all)
I still feel icky about everything and honestly am not sure if I care to work it out. On the most important day of my life (imo), she showed how much she cared to make me feel loved. I haven't done anything bridal for her beyond the scrunchie.
AMITA and/or am I overreacting?
Should I be her bridesmaid? Pls I need help..
Notes:
•her wedding is in 2025 •her & her man have been together as long as me & my husband •me f25, my husband m26, her f26, her man m29
submitted by Global-Restaurant-33 to AITAH [link] [comments]
O tells me she will not be able to make the wedding because she has a trip planned (is this wrong of her, because I totally understood). I make it official at my engagement party 4 weeks later and ask them to be bridesmaids, knowing O won't be present. I ask them for NOTHING. Note: they did not throw me a brunch or lunch or help with anything, nor did I expect it because it was all so quick. I told them they could wear what they want, no gifts, just be present x day, place and time. Shortly after my engagement party (wedding 4.5 weeks away) that O tells us her boyfriend has gone ring shopping. I am happy for her thinking she'll be engaged soon or SOONEST the end of her trip.
My wedding morning arrives, she sends me a congratulatory text from the airport departure lounge. My wedding day goes by. The day after my wedding goes by. I've been married now 48 hours and.. O drops "we're engaged" in the group chat. So what do I do? I call!! Of course! Because that's the least you can do when one of your closest 5 friends has a big life event. The facetime call was awkward at best, she never acknowledged my wedding even though I was still in my all white sweatsuit. She didn't seem to care that I called and her fiance couldn't be bothered, but I could have been interrupting I guess. (Note: she had the ability to call me and join the girls from wherever she was, but chose not to)
They return for their trip and I begin planning to host one of the other 5 girls' birthday party. She, of course, comes to my house for the party. This is the first time we see eachother since I'm a wife and she, a fiancée. At the time, I lived in a high rise building so I had to go down to get her. First words to her "congratulations!!!" It was not returned. Not to me or my husband all. Night. She talked about her wedding ideas and plans with my husband for no less than 30 minutes while the rest of the girls got ready. The other ladies noticed but she just didn't seem to read the room at all. I even tried by giving her a white scrunchie I got during wedding planning as a little pass along, bridal thing... In an effort to initiate some kind of conversation.
After that night, I really realize that this may have been intentional. I mean of course I thought it, but now I was really skeptical. I asked another girl in the group and according to O, her fiance only purchased the ring 3 weeks before their trip. Which means he knew he was going to do it. That's fine, but it would have been so much nicer to have felt included and not like it was done to overshadow me. He could have called and said "hey I'm gonna do this, I know shes your lifelong bestie and she won't be in your wedding photos, but it's for good reason 🥹" I would have been soo down and happy. This leads me to believe that she doesn't really speak highly of me to her man or make our friendship seem as important as I considered it to be... She was a bridesmaid at my mini wedding (25 guests at the ceremony).
We live about 45 minutes apart and have very busy lifestyles so I haven't seen her much since. I've been distant I. The group chat but I'm not sure she's even aware there's an issue, dispute me not being able to give her a difinitive answer on weather or not I want to be a bridesmaid in her wedding.
It's been 6 months since my wedding & her engagement and her engagement party is coming up (My cousin asked me to plan her birthday party, which falls on the same day as her engagement party, so honestly I'm not pressed about going at all)
I still feel icky about everything and honestly am not sure if I care to work it out. On the most important day of my life (imo), she showed how much she cared to make me feel loved. I haven't done anything bridal for her beyond the scrunchie.
AMITA and/or am I overreacting?
Should I be her bridesmaid? Pls I need help..
Notes:
•her wedding is in 2025 •her & her man have been together as long as me & my husband •me f25, my husband m26, her f26, her man m29
2024.05.21 18:19 Either-Style7389 i need closure
i 20M have this friend 21M and we have been really great friends for the past 3 years and it was really fun and intelligent conversations. aside from that we have also had a lot of down and bad times in our friendship. i’ll give you all a short summary.
we found each other in a really bad time in his life, he was going thru depression and a lot of other mental health problems, i was a good friend and i loved and still love him and wish him well, when he got better in this regard our relationships shifted and i realized we don’t have much in common except that love for each other and care.
i decided to try to get to know him better but i was always met with excuses or phrases like ”i don’t want to change u so i will like u, i already like u as a friend”. however deep down even during our one and one hangout time i would always open conversations and try to relate and make him join a convo which for a introvert like me is really difficult already.
due to these reasons we found ourselves really fighting a lot , he started no caring in action but telling me he cares which confused me mentally. i decided to cut back on our interactions until he figures this stuff out. i texted him a little less and make convos more normal and i confronted him a lot about this and told me how i felt and how his inaction and basically avoidant friendship style with me btw and solely me is making me feeling alone and like i am fighting for a lost cause.
he promised to put more of an effort and i believed him, he like any other person in life has periods where he doesn’t wanna talk, usually i try to talk to him about it or thru it but in one conversation he told me that he just doesn’t want that, so i respected his wishes.
around 3 months ago, i saw he was entering that level and i remembered what he said so i decided to give him space, i decided he will talk to me once he is ready, until now he didn’t even text or ask about me, completely ignoring me and not communicating, i know from our mutual friends he is texting hanging out and enjoying life and i am still stuck here.
i really did love him like family and it feels like i lost my brother and dear confidant. i grappled a lot with these emotions and i can’t just drop him the way he dropped me, i want closure and i don’t know if i should confront him or just ignore him or have a conversation but i feel it would be really bad looking in my part to communicate with someone who wants nothing to do with me.or atleast showing me that.
i really need help, i don’t like how all my love turned into anger and hatred and i don’t like hating people i don’t like having to deal with this and i can’t have this stress anymore.
i just need closure and i don’t know what to do.
submitted by Either-Style7389 to FriendshipAdvice [link] [comments]
we found each other in a really bad time in his life, he was going thru depression and a lot of other mental health problems, i was a good friend and i loved and still love him and wish him well, when he got better in this regard our relationships shifted and i realized we don’t have much in common except that love for each other and care.
i decided to try to get to know him better but i was always met with excuses or phrases like ”i don’t want to change u so i will like u, i already like u as a friend”. however deep down even during our one and one hangout time i would always open conversations and try to relate and make him join a convo which for a introvert like me is really difficult already.
due to these reasons we found ourselves really fighting a lot , he started no caring in action but telling me he cares which confused me mentally. i decided to cut back on our interactions until he figures this stuff out. i texted him a little less and make convos more normal and i confronted him a lot about this and told me how i felt and how his inaction and basically avoidant friendship style with me btw and solely me is making me feeling alone and like i am fighting for a lost cause.
he promised to put more of an effort and i believed him, he like any other person in life has periods where he doesn’t wanna talk, usually i try to talk to him about it or thru it but in one conversation he told me that he just doesn’t want that, so i respected his wishes.
around 3 months ago, i saw he was entering that level and i remembered what he said so i decided to give him space, i decided he will talk to me once he is ready, until now he didn’t even text or ask about me, completely ignoring me and not communicating, i know from our mutual friends he is texting hanging out and enjoying life and i am still stuck here.
i really did love him like family and it feels like i lost my brother and dear confidant. i grappled a lot with these emotions and i can’t just drop him the way he dropped me, i want closure and i don’t know if i should confront him or just ignore him or have a conversation but i feel it would be really bad looking in my part to communicate with someone who wants nothing to do with me.or atleast showing me that.
i really need help, i don’t like how all my love turned into anger and hatred and i don’t like hating people i don’t like having to deal with this and i can’t have this stress anymore.
i just need closure and i don’t know what to do.
2024.05.21 18:19 NascentLeft Historical Progression of Economies
(TL;DR - Humanity historically recognized that there were essential needs facing humans "in the moment". And they organized themselves collectively to address the pressing need. Obviously the pressing need for primitive hunter-gatherer societies was the provision of food. Consequently the first attempt to organize society to provide for that need was a system that concentrated focus on the problem and the solution. The most advanced system to address that specific need later came to be called "feudalism".
When that was adequately addressed, focus began to shift to commodity production as the next need. A new kind of organizing principle that would answer that need was required. New relations of production to address the need later became known as "capitalism".
Now we know how to organize production, how to provide for innovation, and how to develop technology. And we must create new relations of production to take advantage of what we now know without the new system creating constant major problems that comes with late-stage capitalism. What shall we call that new system? )
Karl Marx never suggested what some people seem to believe, which is that we are free to pick and choose what kind of economic system we have. On the contrary, he laid out a logical progression of systems from slave society (think Rome) to the future communist society 1000 years in the future. Each system addressed the needs at the time, and each one properly addressed and provided for solutions to problems of the time. The only real trouble with that is that in no case did any leaders of any failing system realize that their system was holding back development of society and that a new system was needed. In fact, in every case the leaders chose to cling to the existing system and keep the ruling class in power. So for the most part, change is resisted. And we must remember always that a big part of that resistance takes the form of lies and propaganda to cling to the old system by “leadership” who personally benefits from it. At that point they cannot afford to tell the truth. In every case only the new, emerging and revolutionary forces depended on the truth to empower them.
Historically, the “value” of capitalism depends on the current stage of your society. In the early stage of capitalism and as societies transitioned from feudalism, food production technology had been developed during feudalism and so hungry people knew how a food need could be addressed. The leading and pressing need at that point, then, was the development of productive capacity for commodities. People wanted better and less expensive tools, housewares, clothes, and other things of daily use. So capitalism (which wasn’t referred to as “capitalism” then) was the new arrangement of relations of production that answered the need best. Think about it. It makes sense that if you’re adequately fed but you can’t just make all your own household items that you need, you would welcome a popular effort to organize production of those things in order to make them available. So that’s what they did and they found ways to organize it efficiently. BINGO! Capitalism was born and was only later named.
So yes, capitalism did good things. It was a powerhouse. And in addition to inspiring innovation, it also has created the means and ability for us to provide goods in abundance. For the first time in the history of the world, we live in an age of abundance, . . . . -except for the contrived “shortages” that capitalism, itself, creates in order to maximize profits (think gasoline). That is a problem. In fact, all of our national, most solution-resistant problems can be traced back to one cause - capitalism. And capitalism not only created those problems but it also prevents them from being solved.
So yes, capitalism was the right thing at the right time. But now, the problem with capitalism isn’t that it keeps growing like a tumor, but that the drive for more and more and more profit is creating a succession of insolvable problems, like climate change, excessive incarceration, Medicare and Social Security problems, etc. And the only real solution is the elimination of the profit motive because that is what is in our way. We now need a system that can just make use of the productivity, innovation, and technology capitalism has produced and make it all available to the population as a whole. What shall we call it? "Socialism" is what the world has chosen for a name.
Socialism: Socialism is the one economic system that was named before it was ever established. And unfortunately, the first countries that tried to establish it were those that were still mostly agrarian and still needed to develop their means of food and commodity production, contrary to what Marx had “prescribed”. And since they lacked a well-developed industrial worker population, they weren’t able to put their working class in charge as Marx had described. So they put government “experts” in charge, along with government “managers” and it all led to disaster including Stalin and the failure of most attempts to create socialism. Cuba remains the one exception that may remain on the socialist path. We shall see.
submitted by NascentLeft to SocialismVCapitalism [link] [comments]
When that was adequately addressed, focus began to shift to commodity production as the next need. A new kind of organizing principle that would answer that need was required. New relations of production to address the need later became known as "capitalism".
Now we know how to organize production, how to provide for innovation, and how to develop technology. And we must create new relations of production to take advantage of what we now know without the new system creating constant major problems that comes with late-stage capitalism. What shall we call that new system? )
Karl Marx never suggested what some people seem to believe, which is that we are free to pick and choose what kind of economic system we have. On the contrary, he laid out a logical progression of systems from slave society (think Rome) to the future communist society 1000 years in the future. Each system addressed the needs at the time, and each one properly addressed and provided for solutions to problems of the time. The only real trouble with that is that in no case did any leaders of any failing system realize that their system was holding back development of society and that a new system was needed. In fact, in every case the leaders chose to cling to the existing system and keep the ruling class in power. So for the most part, change is resisted. And we must remember always that a big part of that resistance takes the form of lies and propaganda to cling to the old system by “leadership” who personally benefits from it. At that point they cannot afford to tell the truth. In every case only the new, emerging and revolutionary forces depended on the truth to empower them.
Historically, the “value” of capitalism depends on the current stage of your society. In the early stage of capitalism and as societies transitioned from feudalism, food production technology had been developed during feudalism and so hungry people knew how a food need could be addressed. The leading and pressing need at that point, then, was the development of productive capacity for commodities. People wanted better and less expensive tools, housewares, clothes, and other things of daily use. So capitalism (which wasn’t referred to as “capitalism” then) was the new arrangement of relations of production that answered the need best. Think about it. It makes sense that if you’re adequately fed but you can’t just make all your own household items that you need, you would welcome a popular effort to organize production of those things in order to make them available. So that’s what they did and they found ways to organize it efficiently. BINGO! Capitalism was born and was only later named.
So yes, capitalism did good things. It was a powerhouse. And in addition to inspiring innovation, it also has created the means and ability for us to provide goods in abundance. For the first time in the history of the world, we live in an age of abundance, . . . . -except for the contrived “shortages” that capitalism, itself, creates in order to maximize profits (think gasoline). That is a problem. In fact, all of our national, most solution-resistant problems can be traced back to one cause - capitalism. And capitalism not only created those problems but it also prevents them from being solved.
So yes, capitalism was the right thing at the right time. But now, the problem with capitalism isn’t that it keeps growing like a tumor, but that the drive for more and more and more profit is creating a succession of insolvable problems, like climate change, excessive incarceration, Medicare and Social Security problems, etc. And the only real solution is the elimination of the profit motive because that is what is in our way. We now need a system that can just make use of the productivity, innovation, and technology capitalism has produced and make it all available to the population as a whole. What shall we call it? "Socialism" is what the world has chosen for a name.
Socialism: Socialism is the one economic system that was named before it was ever established. And unfortunately, the first countries that tried to establish it were those that were still mostly agrarian and still needed to develop their means of food and commodity production, contrary to what Marx had “prescribed”. And since they lacked a well-developed industrial worker population, they weren’t able to put their working class in charge as Marx had described. So they put government “experts” in charge, along with government “managers” and it all led to disaster including Stalin and the failure of most attempts to create socialism. Cuba remains the one exception that may remain on the socialist path. We shall see.
2024.05.21 18:17 traps_r_fkin_gay I (21M) lied to my long distance partner (24F) about something stupid. What should I do?
I've been in a relationship with my partner for about a month now, after meeting her 7 months ago. This is the first time I've truly fallen in love, unlike past relationships that were more about self-validation or combating loneliness. However, we face a significant challenge: we live incredibly far apart—I'm in Europe and she's in America. We've discussed our future and are committed to making the long-distance relationship work, with the ultimate plan for me to move to her country.
Early in our friendship, I lied to her and our online friends about my living situation. I said I lived in an apartment with roommates, but the truth is I live with my parents. I did this because I didn't want to seem like a loser. This lie has been weighing heavily on me, especially since she’s been very open about how poorly her previous partners treated her. She sees me as incredibly sweet and perfect, and I strive to be the best partner I can be. But this lie has become a significant burden.
My initial reaction was to continue lying, thinking it doesn’t matter if I live alone or with my parents. But I know she deserves honesty. I worry that revealing the truth will damage her perception of me and make her question what else I might have lied about, which I completely understand. I deeply regret lying in the first place.
I'm not seeking sympathy because I know I was wrong. I'm torn between wanting to keep lying or ignoring the issue knowing full well how she doesnt deserve that. Im lost on how to proceed with this stupid situation I've created.
submitted by traps_r_fkin_gay to relationship_advice [link] [comments]
Early in our friendship, I lied to her and our online friends about my living situation. I said I lived in an apartment with roommates, but the truth is I live with my parents. I did this because I didn't want to seem like a loser. This lie has been weighing heavily on me, especially since she’s been very open about how poorly her previous partners treated her. She sees me as incredibly sweet and perfect, and I strive to be the best partner I can be. But this lie has become a significant burden.
My initial reaction was to continue lying, thinking it doesn’t matter if I live alone or with my parents. But I know she deserves honesty. I worry that revealing the truth will damage her perception of me and make her question what else I might have lied about, which I completely understand. I deeply regret lying in the first place.
I'm not seeking sympathy because I know I was wrong. I'm torn between wanting to keep lying or ignoring the issue knowing full well how she doesnt deserve that. Im lost on how to proceed with this stupid situation I've created.
2024.05.21 18:17 s-g26 Mariia Holubtsova/Kyryl Bielobrov split
The Ukrainian Ice Dance team of Mariia Holubtsova/Kyryl Bielobrov have just split. People had speculated that this could be what's coming based on Mariia's Instagram post last week on the toxicity that she had faced in the figure skating world, Kyryl has posted a really sweet Instagram post, copied below, and says that he'll be searching for a new partner. It's unclear what she'll be doing.
Kyryl's post:
I’m here to announce the end of our partnership with Mariia.
Masha and I skated together for 11 years. That wasn’t an easy journey in any way. We had lots of ups and downs throughout our career. Huge obstacles that we had always found a way to fight with. I can’t count how many times I felt like that’s it, we won’t recover from that, but every time we were able to do it, no matter how hard it was.
We grew up together, Masha always was and still is the closest person and friend I had. I am very proud to share my career with her, and of the person she has become throughout the years, she’s strong, independent, loving, confident and always sure of what she wants. A great role model for a lot of people, and most importantly for me. Thanks to her, I discovered that sometimes, to get closer than ever with the person, you have to drift apart as much as possible. I’m really happy that we have made this decision together and on the good terms, actually on the best terms ever.
We were never alone on this journey. We had great support from many of our coaches throughout the way. Our first coach, Mariia Tumanovska-Chaika who coached us for 8 years and fighting for us in any possible way she could, we are beyond than grateful for everything she did for us and very happy for the time we spent on and off the ice with her. And of course, the Ice Academy of Montreal, who helped us in the desperate times when russia started the war against Ukraine. Who made us feel like home in Montreal from the first day we arrived. They also have hugely helped us to fund our skating for the last 2 years. I want to say a huge thank you to Patrice, Marie-France, Romain, Jamal, Pascal, Benjamin, Josee, Samuel, Ginette, Eva and Guillaume for making our dreams true.
Lastly, I wanted to say thanks to all the people who supported us, family, friends, people who donated money on GoFundMe and Patreon to keep our career going. Especially to Masha’s mother, Hanna. Without her, we never would be able to make it this far.
In conclusion, I would like to say that I still personally feel a huge love for the Ice Dance, therefore I will be looking for a partner to keep skating with.
submitted by s-g26 to FigureSkating [link] [comments]
I’m here to announce the end of our partnership with Mariia.
Masha and I skated together for 11 years. That wasn’t an easy journey in any way. We had lots of ups and downs throughout our career. Huge obstacles that we had always found a way to fight with. I can’t count how many times I felt like that’s it, we won’t recover from that, but every time we were able to do it, no matter how hard it was.
We grew up together, Masha always was and still is the closest person and friend I had. I am very proud to share my career with her, and of the person she has become throughout the years, she’s strong, independent, loving, confident and always sure of what she wants. A great role model for a lot of people, and most importantly for me. Thanks to her, I discovered that sometimes, to get closer than ever with the person, you have to drift apart as much as possible. I’m really happy that we have made this decision together and on the good terms, actually on the best terms ever.
We were never alone on this journey. We had great support from many of our coaches throughout the way. Our first coach, Mariia Tumanovska-Chaika who coached us for 8 years and fighting for us in any possible way she could, we are beyond than grateful for everything she did for us and very happy for the time we spent on and off the ice with her. And of course, the Ice Academy of Montreal, who helped us in the desperate times when russia started the war against Ukraine. Who made us feel like home in Montreal from the first day we arrived. They also have hugely helped us to fund our skating for the last 2 years. I want to say a huge thank you to Patrice, Marie-France, Romain, Jamal, Pascal, Benjamin, Josee, Samuel, Ginette, Eva and Guillaume for making our dreams true.
Lastly, I wanted to say thanks to all the people who supported us, family, friends, people who donated money on GoFundMe and Patreon to keep our career going. Especially to Masha’s mother, Hanna. Without her, we never would be able to make it this far.
In conclusion, I would like to say that I still personally feel a huge love for the Ice Dance, therefore I will be looking for a partner to keep skating with.
2024.05.21 18:16 Global-Restaurant-33 AITA: my bridesmaid skipped my wedding to get engaged.
Hi! I (F, 25) just got married 6 months ago and this is STILL bothering me.. So here I am. I have been friends with this girl (we'll name her O, F, 26) since I was 10 years old with a break from ages 15 to 21 ( I moved) . We reconnected just before my 22nd birthday, which is around the time I met my husband. She had also JUST started dating her now fiance. We are two of five in a group of girls all from the same middle school and reconnected at the same time our partners into the mix. Honestly, before I got engaged there's not much of a story. I found it odd that she got a very similar dog to mine and named it something similar, almost a year to the day that I got mine, but that's like, whatever. She did a couple other little copycat things but, imitation is a form of flattery right? Anyway, my man and I get engaged and essentially, same day, choose our wedding date which was 9 weeks later (it was a significant date). Moments after getting engaged, I call the group and share the news, telling them we will most likely be getting married x day. Now, I understand it's short notice, but they're my lifelong friends and I knew, they knew they'd be bridesmaids.
O tells me she will not be able to make the wedding because she has a trip planned (is this wrong of her, because I totally understood). I make it official at my engagement party 4 weeks later and ask them to be bridesmaids, knowing O won't be present. I ask them for NOTHING. Note: they did not throw me a brunch or lunch or help with anything, nor did I expect it because it was all so quick. I told them they could wear what they want, no gifts, just be present x day, place and time. Shortly after my engagement party (wedding 4.5 weeks away) that O tells us her boyfriend has gone ring shopping. I am happy for her thinking she'll be engaged soon or SOONEST the end of her trip.
My wedding morning arrives, she sends me a congratulatory text from the airport departure lounge. My wedding day goes by. The day after my wedding goes by. I've been married now 48 hours and.. O drops "we're engaged" in the group chat. So what do I do? I call!! Of course! Because that's the least you can do when one of your closest 5 friends has a big life event. The facetime call was awkward at best, she never acknowledged my wedding even though I was still in my all white sweatsuit. She didn't seem to care that I called and her fiance couldn't be bothered, but I could have been interrupting I guess. (Note: she had the ability to call me and join the girls from wherever she was, but chose not to)
They return for their trip and I begin planning to host one of the other 5 girls' birthday party. She, of course, comes to my house for the party. This is the first time we see eachother since I'm a wife and she, a fiancée. At the time, I lived in a high rise building so I had to go down to get her. First words to her "congratulations!!!" It was not returned. Not to me or my husband all. Night. She talked about her wedding ideas and plans with my husband for no less than 30 minutes while the rest of the girls got ready. The other ladies noticed but she just didn't seem to read the room at all. I even tried by giving her a white scrunchie I got during wedding planning as a little pass along, bridal thing... In an effort to initiate some kind of conversation.
After that night, I really realize that this may have been intentional. I mean of course I thought it, but now I was really skeptical. I asked another girl in the group and according to O, her fiance only purchased the ring 3 weeks before their trip. Which means he knew he was going to do it. That's fine, but it would have been so much nicer to have felt included and not like it was done to overshadow me. He could have called and said "hey I'm gonna do this, I know shes your lifelong bestie and she won't be in your wedding photos, but it's for good reason 🥹" I would have been soo down and happy. This leads me to believe that she doesn't really speak highly of me to her man or make our friendship seem as important as I considered it to be... She was a bridesmaid at my mini wedding (25 guests at the ceremony).
We live about 45 minutes apart and have very busy lifestyles so I haven't seen her much since. I've been distant I. The group chat but I'm not sure she's even aware there's an issue, dispute me not being able to give her a difinitive answer on weather or not I want to be a bridesmaid in her wedding.
It's been 6 months since my wedding & her engagement and her engagement party is coming up (My cousin asked me to plan her birthday party, which falls on the same day as her engagement party, so honestly I'm not pressed about going at all)
I still feel icky about everything and honestly am not sure if I care to work it out. On the most important day of my life (imo), she showed how much she cared to make me feel loved. I haven't done anything bridal for her beyond the scrunchie.
AMITA and/or am I overreacting?
Should I be her bridesmaid? Pls I need help..
Notes:
•her wedding is in 2025 •her & her man have been together as long as me & my husband •me f25, my husband m26, her f26, her man m29
submitted by Global-Restaurant-33 to u/Global-Restaurant-33 [link] [comments]
O tells me she will not be able to make the wedding because she has a trip planned (is this wrong of her, because I totally understood). I make it official at my engagement party 4 weeks later and ask them to be bridesmaids, knowing O won't be present. I ask them for NOTHING. Note: they did not throw me a brunch or lunch or help with anything, nor did I expect it because it was all so quick. I told them they could wear what they want, no gifts, just be present x day, place and time. Shortly after my engagement party (wedding 4.5 weeks away) that O tells us her boyfriend has gone ring shopping. I am happy for her thinking she'll be engaged soon or SOONEST the end of her trip.
My wedding morning arrives, she sends me a congratulatory text from the airport departure lounge. My wedding day goes by. The day after my wedding goes by. I've been married now 48 hours and.. O drops "we're engaged" in the group chat. So what do I do? I call!! Of course! Because that's the least you can do when one of your closest 5 friends has a big life event. The facetime call was awkward at best, she never acknowledged my wedding even though I was still in my all white sweatsuit. She didn't seem to care that I called and her fiance couldn't be bothered, but I could have been interrupting I guess. (Note: she had the ability to call me and join the girls from wherever she was, but chose not to)
They return for their trip and I begin planning to host one of the other 5 girls' birthday party. She, of course, comes to my house for the party. This is the first time we see eachother since I'm a wife and she, a fiancée. At the time, I lived in a high rise building so I had to go down to get her. First words to her "congratulations!!!" It was not returned. Not to me or my husband all. Night. She talked about her wedding ideas and plans with my husband for no less than 30 minutes while the rest of the girls got ready. The other ladies noticed but she just didn't seem to read the room at all. I even tried by giving her a white scrunchie I got during wedding planning as a little pass along, bridal thing... In an effort to initiate some kind of conversation.
After that night, I really realize that this may have been intentional. I mean of course I thought it, but now I was really skeptical. I asked another girl in the group and according to O, her fiance only purchased the ring 3 weeks before their trip. Which means he knew he was going to do it. That's fine, but it would have been so much nicer to have felt included and not like it was done to overshadow me. He could have called and said "hey I'm gonna do this, I know shes your lifelong bestie and she won't be in your wedding photos, but it's for good reason 🥹" I would have been soo down and happy. This leads me to believe that she doesn't really speak highly of me to her man or make our friendship seem as important as I considered it to be... She was a bridesmaid at my mini wedding (25 guests at the ceremony).
We live about 45 minutes apart and have very busy lifestyles so I haven't seen her much since. I've been distant I. The group chat but I'm not sure she's even aware there's an issue, dispute me not being able to give her a difinitive answer on weather or not I want to be a bridesmaid in her wedding.
It's been 6 months since my wedding & her engagement and her engagement party is coming up (My cousin asked me to plan her birthday party, which falls on the same day as her engagement party, so honestly I'm not pressed about going at all)
I still feel icky about everything and honestly am not sure if I care to work it out. On the most important day of my life (imo), she showed how much she cared to make me feel loved. I haven't done anything bridal for her beyond the scrunchie.
AMITA and/or am I overreacting?
Should I be her bridesmaid? Pls I need help..
Notes:
•her wedding is in 2025 •her & her man have been together as long as me & my husband •me f25, my husband m26, her f26, her man m29
2024.05.21 18:15 Independent-Disk-175 I think I'm losing my best-friend.
So, we've been friends for quite some time, but our friendship only grew stronger after I was with her through a tough season in high-school.
The first incident was when I told her about a boy I had a crush on and she started seeing that boy- gosh they even kissed. I think I was a little dramatic about it, but we ended up making up after we both talked it out. Still, it was a little difficult for me to tell her about boys, but I still did spill partial tea. We grew a little distant then but we made up and things got better, just never the same.
This is the second incident. After graduating high-school I told her how much I wanted to study abroad and all and she helped me out. She got into a really good school and I was so happy for her, whereas I, got rejected from all the schools I applied to abroad but got accepted to some in my country. I went a little crazy from the rejection and kind of lost my mind, which landed me in therapy. (Yeah it was my dream😅). We stopped FaceTiming as much. Ever since then she always gets mad at me for not telling her stuff, but when I do tell her stuff about what's going on in my life, she outright ignores me. (Yeah she skips those messages and starts a new conversation) I initially thought I made her uncomfortable, so I reduced, and our friendship kind of fell through.
She still ignores me when I talk about anything personal to me, like how today I was trying to tell her how happy I was that my parents finally agreed to let me get braces. (I'm very insecure when it comes to my teeth) and she just ignored my text. We don't even talk about deep stuff anymore, she stopped telling me things. I tried to talk to her about this, I even told her that I was all better and stopped my therapy sessions (I lied), just to get her to talk to me because I thought my condition was pushing her away. I don't know what to do now, and we keep drifting apart. Was it wrong for me tell her about those deep deep stuffs? Should I have kept somethings to my self even if she got mad?
submitted by Independent-Disk-175 to Advice [link] [comments]
The first incident was when I told her about a boy I had a crush on and she started seeing that boy- gosh they even kissed. I think I was a little dramatic about it, but we ended up making up after we both talked it out. Still, it was a little difficult for me to tell her about boys, but I still did spill partial tea. We grew a little distant then but we made up and things got better, just never the same.
This is the second incident. After graduating high-school I told her how much I wanted to study abroad and all and she helped me out. She got into a really good school and I was so happy for her, whereas I, got rejected from all the schools I applied to abroad but got accepted to some in my country. I went a little crazy from the rejection and kind of lost my mind, which landed me in therapy. (Yeah it was my dream😅). We stopped FaceTiming as much. Ever since then she always gets mad at me for not telling her stuff, but when I do tell her stuff about what's going on in my life, she outright ignores me. (Yeah she skips those messages and starts a new conversation) I initially thought I made her uncomfortable, so I reduced, and our friendship kind of fell through.
She still ignores me when I talk about anything personal to me, like how today I was trying to tell her how happy I was that my parents finally agreed to let me get braces. (I'm very insecure when it comes to my teeth) and she just ignored my text. We don't even talk about deep stuff anymore, she stopped telling me things. I tried to talk to her about this, I even told her that I was all better and stopped my therapy sessions (I lied), just to get her to talk to me because I thought my condition was pushing her away. I don't know what to do now, and we keep drifting apart. Was it wrong for me tell her about those deep deep stuffs? Should I have kept somethings to my self even if she got mad?
2024.05.21 18:15 toolittletoomuch4 Seeking Guidance on Healing and Self-Improvement After a Toxic Past
Hey everyone,
I'm 24, turning 25 this year. I grew up in a dysfunctional and abusive household and was orphaned at 11. Recently, I've realized that besides my depression and anxiety, I've been toxic and dysfunctional in my relationships, both romantic and platonic.I've had issues with love bombing and putting people on pedestals without really knowing them. I've also had anger issues and had to apologize to ex-partners for embarrassing outbursts. I've switched friend groups often because people distanced themselves from me. No one ever confronted me directly, but I think they saw me as either arrogant or as someone who knew what they were doing—but I didn't. After leaving my abusive home, I felt "free" for the first time and went a bit wild, focusing only on myself and what I felt I had missed out on—attention, love, and financial independence. I created unnecessary drama, including having two affairs with people who were already in relationships. I did it out of insecurity and for the thrill of being "chosen," not realizing how damaging it was. I've posted revealing pictures and sought attention on social media, trying to prove to the world (and myself) that my relationships were great. This behavior has made people keep me at arm's length. No one has called me out directly, but I can see they're cautious around me, and I’ve isolated myself as a result.
Owning up to my insecure and toxic behavior doesn't erase the past. I fear being judged and seen for my mistakes. I'm trying to grow in self-awareness, but I see others my age who are more emotionally mature. I've been childish in handling my reputation, not caring about consequences. I've found a therapist and psychiatrist, but I'm terrified of the costs and the commitment, especially as I struggle with financial habits. I'm nearly hopeless thinking about a potential partner discovering my past. I feel disgusted with myself and my lack of integrity. I know I created this mess and now I have to clean it up. This is a brief summary of everything I've done and experienced.
Is there hope for me? I see the need to reparent myself, as I wasn't raised with consistent love and care. How do I undo the life I've known and accept that I need to heal before pursuing new relationships or friendships? I've been lonely for most of my life, and now that I know I need to heal, I'm angry and sad about missing out on social connections in order to heal without hurting anyone. Does that make sense?
How do I accept that healing requires self-love and self-compassion, not shame? I'm in a severe depressive episode, and I know professionals would want to stabilize my mental state first, but I want to dive into learning new behaviors and coping mechanisms. I feel like shaming myself into changing.
How do I reparent myself joyfully and enjoy the healing journey? How do I forgive myself for the affairs, oversharing, attention-seeking behavior, and serial dating without minimizing my hurt? How do I learn to trust myself and know when I'm ready for new relationships or friendships? What differentiates red flags that can change from those that stay toxic?
Is it possible to establish a sense of self and self-worth at my age? What therapeutic approach would be best for me? Any therapists here with advice?
What else am I missing? Where do I start?
Any comments and tips are greatly appreciated. Thank you so much.
submitted by toolittletoomuch4 to selfimprovement [link] [comments]
I'm 24, turning 25 this year. I grew up in a dysfunctional and abusive household and was orphaned at 11. Recently, I've realized that besides my depression and anxiety, I've been toxic and dysfunctional in my relationships, both romantic and platonic.I've had issues with love bombing and putting people on pedestals without really knowing them. I've also had anger issues and had to apologize to ex-partners for embarrassing outbursts. I've switched friend groups often because people distanced themselves from me. No one ever confronted me directly, but I think they saw me as either arrogant or as someone who knew what they were doing—but I didn't. After leaving my abusive home, I felt "free" for the first time and went a bit wild, focusing only on myself and what I felt I had missed out on—attention, love, and financial independence. I created unnecessary drama, including having two affairs with people who were already in relationships. I did it out of insecurity and for the thrill of being "chosen," not realizing how damaging it was. I've posted revealing pictures and sought attention on social media, trying to prove to the world (and myself) that my relationships were great. This behavior has made people keep me at arm's length. No one has called me out directly, but I can see they're cautious around me, and I’ve isolated myself as a result.
Owning up to my insecure and toxic behavior doesn't erase the past. I fear being judged and seen for my mistakes. I'm trying to grow in self-awareness, but I see others my age who are more emotionally mature. I've been childish in handling my reputation, not caring about consequences. I've found a therapist and psychiatrist, but I'm terrified of the costs and the commitment, especially as I struggle with financial habits. I'm nearly hopeless thinking about a potential partner discovering my past. I feel disgusted with myself and my lack of integrity. I know I created this mess and now I have to clean it up. This is a brief summary of everything I've done and experienced.
Is there hope for me? I see the need to reparent myself, as I wasn't raised with consistent love and care. How do I undo the life I've known and accept that I need to heal before pursuing new relationships or friendships? I've been lonely for most of my life, and now that I know I need to heal, I'm angry and sad about missing out on social connections in order to heal without hurting anyone. Does that make sense?
How do I accept that healing requires self-love and self-compassion, not shame? I'm in a severe depressive episode, and I know professionals would want to stabilize my mental state first, but I want to dive into learning new behaviors and coping mechanisms. I feel like shaming myself into changing.
How do I reparent myself joyfully and enjoy the healing journey? How do I forgive myself for the affairs, oversharing, attention-seeking behavior, and serial dating without minimizing my hurt? How do I learn to trust myself and know when I'm ready for new relationships or friendships? What differentiates red flags that can change from those that stay toxic?
Is it possible to establish a sense of self and self-worth at my age? What therapeutic approach would be best for me? Any therapists here with advice?
What else am I missing? Where do I start?
Any comments and tips are greatly appreciated. Thank you so much.
2024.05.21 18:14 KindheartednessOk837 Regretting wasting 5 years
I want to physically vomit. Im thinking about how much of an asshole my ex (29m) that I broke up with is.
He would pick everything about my face and tell me to get lip filler, nose job, boob job.. he was no calvin klein model and I never said anything about his looks. Prior to that moment, I was feeling happy and relaxed laying in bed and spending time with my bf..
Told me to grow an ass throughout the entire 5 years.
He took a screenshot of me and put it next to a pig.
He always yelled at me when I communicated an issue I had and then said "you win" like he thought I wanted it to be a competition. How was I winning when Im left crying?
He hid me from his friends because he thought they would judge me.. so I nver got meet his friends or go to any of their group trips/parties (he went alone)
He rather go to raves and do drugs than have me tag alone because he thinks I had to be babysat.
I always asked for hangouts.. he never once asked to or called me to.
When he got a job interview in detroit, he never hesitated to travel there. When we were long distance, he made excuses that my city was small and boring.. as if the point wasnt to visit me..
He lied to his mom about staying over a friend's house when he was with me, and said he bought himself the tshirts I gifted him..
Called me a jew but he was too cheap to buy me $10 grocery flowers.
I always ran back and he never even. Said he cares about me but he can sleep peacefully at night after a fight while I cry myself to sleep. I always told hom dont make the other obe go to sleep upset but he doesnt listen. What a total bullshitter. Wish I never gave him a chance. Hope he lives a miserable life. I dont care if anyone thinks I'm toxic for not wanting him to have a good life but he fucken deserves it. I was nothing but nice and when I tried to communicate, he turned it around and make it all about himself. Like you could have communicated to me if you had an issue.. now when I have an issue you make it about yourself? He really makes persian guys look bad.
submitted by KindheartednessOk837 to BreakUp [link] [comments]
He would pick everything about my face and tell me to get lip filler, nose job, boob job.. he was no calvin klein model and I never said anything about his looks. Prior to that moment, I was feeling happy and relaxed laying in bed and spending time with my bf..
Told me to grow an ass throughout the entire 5 years.
He took a screenshot of me and put it next to a pig.
He always yelled at me when I communicated an issue I had and then said "you win" like he thought I wanted it to be a competition. How was I winning when Im left crying?
He hid me from his friends because he thought they would judge me.. so I nver got meet his friends or go to any of their group trips/parties (he went alone)
He rather go to raves and do drugs than have me tag alone because he thinks I had to be babysat.
I always asked for hangouts.. he never once asked to or called me to.
When he got a job interview in detroit, he never hesitated to travel there. When we were long distance, he made excuses that my city was small and boring.. as if the point wasnt to visit me..
He lied to his mom about staying over a friend's house when he was with me, and said he bought himself the tshirts I gifted him..
Called me a jew but he was too cheap to buy me $10 grocery flowers.
I always ran back and he never even. Said he cares about me but he can sleep peacefully at night after a fight while I cry myself to sleep. I always told hom dont make the other obe go to sleep upset but he doesnt listen. What a total bullshitter. Wish I never gave him a chance. Hope he lives a miserable life. I dont care if anyone thinks I'm toxic for not wanting him to have a good life but he fucken deserves it. I was nothing but nice and when I tried to communicate, he turned it around and make it all about himself. Like you could have communicated to me if you had an issue.. now when I have an issue you make it about yourself? He really makes persian guys look bad.