Quotes on friend stealing from you

Unethical Life Pro Tips

2016.03.01 20:50 adamdavenport Unethical Life Pro Tips

An Unethical Life Pro Tip (or ULPT) is a tip that improves your life in a meaningful way, perhaps at the expense of others and/or with questionable legality. Due to their nature, do not actually follow any of these tips–they're just for fun. Share your best tips you've picked up throughout your life, and learn from others!
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2011.03.16 08:03 Obsidius Minecraft Builds

Here on MinecraftBuilds, you can share your Minecraft builds with like-minded builders! From PC to Pocket Edition, professional to novice all are welcome. We want to see what you have created!
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2010.02.08 18:26 roger_ The Simpsons on Reddit! Woo-hoo!

Simpsons TV Show. The /TheSimpsons subreddit is fan base of redditors who love The Simpsons. The Simpsons is an American animated sitcom created by Matt Groening for the Fox Broadcasting Company. The show is set in the fictional town of Springfield and parodies American culture, society and television.
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2024.05.22 02:48 omltianna (18-19+ ONLY) Looking for people to join my survival realm!

(18-19+ ONLY) Looking for people to join my survival realm!
looking for members to join Midnight Grove! -dm to join the Moonlight Grove disc -
REALM CODE: nAPvS-T9d2g
Looking for members to join Midnight Grove!
(18-19+) Hey all, I own a friendly survival realm. It has shops i’m working on right now and you can make ur own as well. In ur own town or village. This realm is still a work in progress and please be patient and kind to others while we make it look amazing!
•• RULES! ••
  1. No Griefing or hacking
  2. Be kind to other players
  3. No stealing from players
  4. No Trolling aloud whatsoever
  5. Don't destroy others builds
  6. NO killing animals (unless it’s sheep, pigs cows etc and it’s has multiple of two.)
  7. no killing other players please.
  8. AND NO AFK!⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
If i see you killed a CAT, DOG, CHICKEN, SHEEP (if it’s a pet and it’s named // says no killing)
or any other pet animal. You only get one warning and if you do it again ur banned.
  • keep inventory off (may turn on later)
  • conditions on
  • texture pack: Quadral
  • lastly, it as addons from the marketplace
PLEASE JOIN THE DISC SERVER SO YOU GET UPDATES WHEN IM GONNA ADD NEW ADDONS OR A TEXTURE PACK!
submitted by omltianna to MinecraftRealmClub [link] [comments]


2024.05.22 02:41 omltianna (18-19+ ONLY) Looking for people to join my survival realm!

(18-19+ ONLY) Looking for people to join my survival realm!
Looking for members to join Midnight Grove! - dm to get the discord link! -
REALM CODE: nAPvS-T9d2g
Looking for members to join Midnight Grove!
(18-19+) Hey all, I own a friendly survival realm. It has shops i’m working on right now and you can make ur own as well. In ur own town or village. This realm is still a work in progress and please be patient and kind to others while we make it look amazing!
•• RULES! ••
  1. No Griefing or hacking
  2. Be kind to other players
  3. No stealing from players
  4. No Trolling aloud whatsoever
  5. Don't destroy others builds
  6. NO killing animals (unless it’s sheep, pigs cows etc and it’s has multiple of two.)
  7. no killing other players please.
  8. AND NO AFK!⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
If i see you killed a CAT, DOG, CHICKEN, SHEEP (if it’s a pet and it’s named // says no killing)
or any other pet animal. You only get one warning and if you do it again ur banned.
  • keep inventory off (may turn on later)
  • conditions on
  • texture pack: Quadral
  • lastly, it as addons from the marketplace
PLEASE JOIN THE DISC SERVER SO YOU GET UPDATES WHEN IM GONNA ADD NEW ADDONS OR A TEXTURE PACK! -- DM ME AND I'LL SEND YOU A LINK TO IT. --
submitted by omltianna to MinecraftBedrockers [link] [comments]


2024.05.22 02:32 omltianna (18-19+ ONLY) Looking for people to join my survival realm!

Looking for members to join Midnight Grove! - dm to get the discord link -

!! BEDROCK ONLY !!

REALM CODE: nAPvS-T9d2g
Looking for members to join Midnight Grove!
(18-19+) Hey all, I own a friendly survival realm. It has shops i’m working on right now and you can make ur own as well. In ur own town or village. This realm is still a work in progress and please be patient and kind to others while we make it look amazing!
•• RULES! ••
  1. No Griefing or hacking
  2. Be kind to other players
  3. No stealing from players
  4. No Trolling aloud whatsoever
  5. Don't destroy others builds
  6. NO killing animals (unless it’s sheep, pigs cows etc and it’s has multiple of two.)
  7. no killing other players please.
  8. AND NO AFK!⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
If i see you killed a CAT, DOG, CHICKEN, SHEEP (if it’s a pet and it’s named // says no killing)
or any other pet animal. You only get one warning and if you do it again ur banned.
PLEASE JOIN THE DISC SERVER SO YOU GET UPDATES WHEN IM GONNA ADD NEW ADDONS OR A TEXTURE PACK! -- DM ME AND I'LL SEND YOU A LINK TO IT. --
submitted by omltianna to Minecraft_Realms [link] [comments]


2024.05.22 02:32 DrJWilson /r/anime Awards Essay and Video Contest Results!

Hello!

At the beginning of the year, we kicked off a series of events to celebrate... well a number of things! The subreddit growth is insane, so we hit 10 million subscribers while we were just finishing up celebrating 9 million...

But we started that celebration with a new Essay and Video contest! I'm happy to announce that after a long series of deliberations, we're ready to announce your winners! First and foremost, I want to congratulate everyone on producing such wonderful submissions. I and the other judges absolutely enjoyed reading/watching them, and I hope this encourages you to create more. I'm always here for what limited guidance I can give.
Reminder: Prizes are funded through Reddit's Community Funds program! The top 3 positions will receive gift cards to Crunchyroll's (formerly RightStuf) store! Please, I would love to see what you're going to purchase with them.

Writing Contest

1st Place: In This Corner of the World: Agency, The Past, and The Paths We Did Not Choose by VelaryonAu

VelaryonAu hits it out of the park with this essay. It stays true to the theme, starting strong and continuing that quality until the end. Much like Suzu's life, it expertly moves from point to point, example to example, all the while using succinct and pleasant prose. We all enjoyed every second of reading this piece and we think you will too. VelaryonAu wins a $200 gift card.

2nd Place: Gunslinger Girl and Confronting the Posthuman by paukshop

Paukshop delivers an essay that exemplifies the reason why we keep the themes for these contests vague, with it being a clever examination of a beloved classic under a unique lens. This is probably one of the best structured essays we received, clearly laying out step by step how each relationship in the show may evoke different interpretations of the posthuman. Its broad coverage and almost academic nature earn it 2nd place, winning a $100 gift card.

3rd Place: Puella Magi Madoka Magica: Eternal by baquea

As expected from a fan of Madoka Magica, and much like the show itself, this essay is dense with meaning. Baquea's prose ebbs and flows—sentences sometimes stretching out into labyrinthian snakes or curving back around into pointed statements. Regardless of what you think about the show or the writing style, this essay makes itself heard. Its clear passion and depth of knowledge towards the subject earns it a $50 gift card.

Videos

1st Place: Heavenly Delusion: Body Horror, Gender, & Transformation by thedman1954

This video is not only laser focused, it utilizes the video format pretty near to its fullest potential. The subject matter is exciting and engrossing, and it serves to be a vessel for the feel of the show itself. Editing is a strong point, using slick transitions and title cards to further illustrate key points. A nearly flawless entry earns it first place and a $200 gift card.

2nd Place: Blue Reflection Ray ( I Want to Change!) by thegajumaru

Thegajumaru's "[Blue Reflection Ray] I Want to Change!" starts off in a peculiar way, but I think one of the best things about the video format is that you can experiment and be eclectic and maybe... go off on a completely non-anime tangent about Star Wars before jumping into your real topic of Blue Reflection Ray. The most notable thing about this video is just how watchable it is. It flows from point to point with ease—both the editing and script leading the viewer along, almost unbeknownst to them just how entertained they are along the way. This addicting quality earns thegajumaru a $100 gift card.

3rd Place: Grief in To your Eternity by paukshop

Pauk digs into a core concept of To Your Eternity in this video, following the throughline of our main character almost literally carries his grief for his friends and family with him. My personal notes on the video mention quote, "it's quite to the point and the point is strong," and in a sea of videos that are stretched out as long as they can for monetary's sake—it's a breath of fresh air. One of the hardest things to do in a contest like that is coming up with a concept that fits/subverts the theme, but pauk combining literal as well as metaphorical transformations, as well as adding a small personal touch, really elevates this video. He gets a nice $50 gift card for his efforts (in addition to his essay win!).
That's that! Congratulations to our winners, but also to everyone who managed to sneak in a submission. Please view the round-up of EVERYTHING here. I love seeing well thought out posts to the sub, whether that be in essay or video format. If you have any ideas on how to encourage this content, let me or the rest of the mod team know. Oh and also, if you submitted an entry and would like some brief notes on what we thought, message the moderators or PM me!
Winners, expect to receive a PM asking to confirm some information, and then accept your prize!
Thanks all!

submitted by DrJWilson to anime [link] [comments]


2024.05.22 02:21 Runieman [Online][5e][Other][RP Heavy][New-Player-Friendly][Long Term][Homebrew][18+] - The Continent of Altaria - Seeking 1 Player

I made this post the other day however have had another player drop out with potentially another one, I am looking for an additional player. MUST have a microphone.

As a heads up The first session is tomorrow Thursday 22/05/24 11AM AEST (I know it may be fast and I apologise)

Welcome everyone!
I'm a relatively new DM who has had some very brief experience running as a DM during my highschool years and have recently become engrossed back in the world of DnD. I have been experimenting over the past several months with running a game with some old friends and have been having a blast, due to the long gaps between sessions I am setting up a second campaign alongside my homebrew world of Altaria!
The game is going to a traditional medieval fantasy/classic adventuring tale within the lands of Altaria, with a focus on political intrigue and consequences between kingdoms which can be influenced by the players and their actions. A focus will be on role play. I am continuously updating the lore of the world with new organisations and locations. For your commitment I will always try to create a handcrafted map or battlescene for the session.
I have 2 friends who are already keen to join and am looking for another 1 players to join along.
Session Outline
I plan on running a D&D campaign via a mix of Foundry VTT and discord. The sessions will run most likely every week, Due to my employment in emergency services my roster is constantly changing making setting a specific/regular session difficult and will require everyone to be slightly flexible.
I will try to have sessions set up every week or 2, most likely on Wednesdays or fridays, session start times ranging from ~1100-1700 AEST. Depending on everyone's availability. the Session length itself I am aiming for is ~4 hours with a break in between.
I am planning on having this be a long-term campaign if you do not believe you can commit please reconsider applying
New players are most certainly welcome! If you need I will help guide you both with setting up characters, teaching you rules and how to use the programs.
World Setting/Description
Discovering Altaria, a continent veiled in mystery and allure, marked a pivotal moment for explorers from the old world. Millennia ago, these adventurers first set foot in what is now known as Wavecrest, but it was the fertile expanses of the mainland that truly captivated their ambitions. Cities and towns emerged along bustling trade routes, flourishing rapidly and soon overshadowing the initial settlement on Wavecrest. The burgeoning civilizations reached heights of prosperity previously unimaginable, until the world was shaken by the "Great Evanescence." Communication with the old world abruptly ceased; ships that set sail to reconnect vanished into the void, sparking fears of a catastrophic demise of the old continent or the wrath of divine or malevolent forces.
In the ensuing chaos, the Eldorian Empire rose to prominence, leveraging its control over fertile lands and the allegiance of migrating nobles and craftsmen to establish a new order. This era of uneasy peace, upheld by Eldoria's military dominance, persisted for centuries. However, complacency and neglect, coupled with the earth-shattering discovery of a new mystical metal, Atherium in the Mountains of Last Ridge within the provence of Verdantia, set the stage for upheaval. This arcane material, promising wealth and power, ignited the flames of envy, particularly in the eyes of the waning Eldorian Empire main counties. The empire's attempts to monopolize Atherium sparked a fierce rebellion by the now new Kingdom of Verdantia, plunging the realm into a devastating conflict known as "The Great Sundering." The war raged, reshaping landscapes and redefining borders, with neither side securing a decisive victory.
The stalemate was broken only when the combined forces of Stoneshield, the Timorian Realm, and Wavecrest intervened, presenting an ultimatum that ultimately led to a grudging peace. In the treaty that followed, Eldoria relinquished control of the western territories, paving the way for the formation of the "Three Leagues," to manage distribution of Atherium through the continent, while Verdantia gained the right to retain control of Atherium production and retaining its new found sovereignty. Although peace has prevailed for five years, unease simmers as reports of raids along the kingdoms' borders escalate.
Amidst political tensions, the presence of magical and monstrous beings adds layers of complexity to the realm. While sightings are rare in civilized areas, the increasing frequency of such encounters has prompted many to form adventuring groups or guilds. Magic, revered for its power, remains an uncommon and dangerous art, commanding respect and fear in equal measure. Those who dare to underestimate its potency often face dire consequences.
In this intricate tapestry of alliances, rivalries, and arcane mysteries, Altaria stands as a realm teeming with potential adventures, challenges, and untold stories, waiting to be discovered by those brave enough to venture into its depths.
Rules
18+ content is allowed within reason - Gore and NSWF are allowed. However, nothing extreme eg. sexual assault, rape etc.
No PVP, Exceptions depend on the situation and both parties must consent.
Be respectful towards myself and other players, Try to be a team player, do not steal or ruin the game for everyone else (that includes fudging roles)
No meta-gaming, please try to put yourself into the mind of your character. try not to yell out at other players during their turn.
Let me know if there is an issue, dont let it brew. whether it be from something I'm doing, or if it is another player. This is a game where we are all trying to have fun and I will try to make it the best I can.
Ultimately the rules are up to my discretion, I may make a decision in a situation that is not strictly allowed for either comedic value or for the fun of the game (TLDR Rule of Cool)
Please try to show up on time for our sessions, I know life can get in the way. If something does occur or you have another event please let me know beforehand. if you frequently do not show or respond I will take it as a sign of your disinterest and remove you from the party. I will give you fair warning before this occurs.
Know your characters abilities and how they work, if you are new again I can run through it with you before the session.
DEATH RULES - I am going to take inspiration from Critical role regarding death rules, if a character dies there is going to be a chance that they stay dead. They are able to be revived however it will be both an expensive and laborious process with a chance of failure! (remember retreat is always an option!)
I will not be fudging roles, I believe that the game becomes much more enjoyable if there is a chance of failure, creating suspense and risk.
RP will be a key element of the game, however you can't justify a blatantly evil action as "its what my character would do"
Pay attention when playing, I am putting extensive effort into creating this world and game for you, this includes in combat try to have your turn prepared before it reaches you.
Applying
Righto almost done with the wall of text :P, if you are interested either message me on reddit or my discord name (Runieman),
Maps
Continent of Altaria - https://inkarnate.com/m/wo08p2/
Continent of Alaria Political - https://inkarnate.com/m/qgrEDA/
Descriptions
World Description - https://inkarnate.com/m/RlJlQM/
Eldorian Empire - https://inkarnate.com/m/wo08Ve/
Kingdom of Verdantia - https://inkarnate.com/m/O7GGm7/
Three Leagues - https://inkarnate.com/m/oy0vLk/
Timorian Realm - https://inkarnate.com/m/X7gwvQ/
Stoneshield Dominion - https://inkarnate.com/m/ZV0bxQ/
Petty Kingdom of Wavecrest - https://inkarnate.com/m/Vmqv73/
The Whitevale - https://inkarnate.com/m/KwOwmQ/
Thanks for reading!
submitted by Runieman to lfg [link] [comments]


2024.05.22 02:20 SunHeadPrime I Think I'm Being Stalked by A Smaller Version of Myself

The stress of the last six months has nearly killed me. Besides the general cratering of the outside world—political strife, climate change, inflated rents, corporate greed, and the baffling resurgence of crew socks—my internal life was falling apart, too. I'm at the point where I can't see a way out of the darkness, and that feeling has only grown in the last few days.
My struggles ramped up exponentially in the last two weeks. It started when my long-term girlfriend and I called it quits after five years. There was no definitive relationship-altering fight or infidelity. It was simply the boring banality of the "roommate-ification" of our lives together. We both felt the shift but never talked about it. Turns out communication is important.
Truthfully, we'd stayed together for so long because we couldn't afford to live apart. Our rent had nearly doubled the last time we re-upped our lease but even that was a bargain compared to what was out there currently. We were trapped by our need to have a roof over our heads.
My job had stagnated, and I couldn't find anything better. I was stuck. Like me, she'd been job hunting as well. Unlike me, she had a master's, and her prospects should've been higher. They weren't. For five months, she applied to hundreds of jobs and couldn't break through. If she got a rejection email, it was a win. Most of the time, the companies never responded.
Finally, she found a great opportunity at a Fortune 500 company. It was an involved process. She nailed the five interviews, and her "test project" was well received. She was offered the position, and it came with a massive pay increase—double her current salary. I was proud of her—she needed a win. We celebrated with pizza and beer that night.
Two days later, she dropped the bomb that she was breaking things off. The relationship ending wasn't a surprise. The timing was. The discussion was brief, and there was zero chance of reconciliation. She declined when I asked if she could stay until the lease ended. Mentally, it would've been too much for her. Two days after that, she moved out, taking half the rent with her. I was stuck in a lease I couldn't afford on my salary for the next six months.
My free time evaporated as I took on two extra gigs to help make ends meet. In addition to my office nine to five, I drove for a delivery app on the weekends and took a part-time night job stocking shelves at a local grocery store. When I wasn't hustling for housing, I slept or ate. I did nothing beyond that. Nothing brings me joy. There is no spark.
This drudgery has become my daily routine, and it's killing me.
To help cover some cost gaps, I've started selling off some of my stuff online. It was just me here, and I decided that the Spartan lifestyle would have to work for now. Anything I could fetch a decent amount for went up for sale. My apartment is so empty now every noise causes an echo.
Before my shift at the grocery store, I agreed to meet someone who wanted to take a look at my kitchen table. It was a lovely table – my ex had obsessed over it – but I didn't see a need at the moment. Now that I was a bachelor, my TV trays became my default kitchen tables anyway. I wasn't planning on any dinner parties in the future anyway.
A couple showed up later than they said they would. It was a bored-looking guy and a fastidious young woman. She made friendly small talk as she looked over the table. Her boyfriend (I think) stayed quiet and played bodyguard. I gave him a friendly nod at one point, and he just looked away. She said they'd take it without trying to talk me down. I took the small win.
She asked if I could help carry it down to their truck. I was running late, but feeling helpful, even for a fleeting few seconds, was worth it. Her silent boyfriend and I hauled the table through the hallway and even managed to avoid hitting the walls the entire way down.
I placed it in their truck, got my money, and turned to leave. The girl said thanks, and the boyfriend finally returned the nod. I gave a weird half-wave to them both and started to walk away when I heard the passenger window being rolled down.
"Hey man," the boyfriend said, his voice higher pitched than I thought it would. "What was up with your brother giving us the evil eye in the lobby when we got here?"
I turned around, "Huh? I don't have a brother."
"A cousin then?"
"My family lives about a thousand miles away. What happened in the lobby?"
"A dude that looked just like you was hiding in a dark hallway in the lobby and staring at my girl's ass."
"Jacob, really," she said.
"I'm sorry that happened, but I had nothing to do with it. We do have the occasional homeless guy meander in. Maybe you saw one of them," I said. "Did he say or do anything bad?"
"Jacob, I asked you to not say something," the girl said, burying her head in her hands.
Jacob's frosty attitude to me made sense now. "He said something about running up that ass. I dunno, he was mumbling. I told him I'd beat his ass if he didn't stop staring. Seemed to shut him up."
"Oh. Well, congrats," I said. "I'll tell the manager. Thanks for letting me know."
"You should do a better job keeping jokers like that out of the building."
"Jacob, he's not a security guard."
"He should still be a man and protect his home."
"Have a good night," I said, ending the conversation and heading back up to my apartment. I had about five minutes to change and head out before I'd be late. Last thing my ego needed was to be fired from my backup job.
Thankfully, I was able to slip into work and not get spotted by my boss. That was the last of the good news, though. We had a massive weekly order come in, which meant I'd be there late, plus someone had called out. Worse, our hand truck had a flat tire, and I spent the next few hours torturing my muscles, schlepping heavy boxes around the store. I soldiered on, counting down the minutes until I left and fantasizing about going to bed for the night.
If wishing for sleep wasn't a sad statement to my mental well-being, nothing was.
I came home after my shift at the grocery store and plopped down on the couch. I had contemplated selling it, but it was an older Ikea number, and I didn't think the value would replace my desire to sit. I could feel my body sink into the cushions, and the day's tension seep out. I was beat and tired to the point that turning on the TV was a chore.
I picked up my phone and thought I'd doomscroll until sleep overtook me. I didn't expect it to be a long scroll, as even the methadone that is my phone has failed me lately. As I lowered myself from a slumped position to a supine one, I heard footsteps outside my apartment door. This was not unusual, but the noise I heard sounded like kid footsteps. That was unusual, as nobody on our floor had kids, and it was almost midnight.
Despite my body screaming at me to not move, my brain suggested I check it out. I rolled myself off the couch and eventually stood up. I listened again and heard the kid running down the hallway. I walked over to my door and looked out the peephole. I didn't see anyone.
"Maybe I'm dreaming," I said to myself. "Maybe I'm not staring out a peephole, expecting to see a kid running down the hall at midnight, but instead, I'm cuddled up in my bed, snoozing." I pinched my arm and felt the pain. I was definitely in the waking world.
I turned to head back to the couch when I heard the running again, this time louder. I opened my door and peeked out into the hallway. Nobody was there. The door from the apartment across me opened up, too. Gloria, a young at heart grandma who was friendly/constantly buzzed in a wine mom kind of way, gave me a once over.
"You heard that, too?" she asked.
"Kids?"
"No rugrats around. I assumed it was some drunk assholes stumbling home from the bar."
I laughed. Gloria was, as always, blunt. "I didn't see any assholes," I said.
"Then you're not watching the right kind of internet videos," she said with a wink and a hoarse cackle.
I blushed. How do you respond to that? I just kind of nodded in agreement and shrugged.
"Gotta get your jollies while you can," she said before adding, "You need some rest, dear. You look like hammered shit." She shut her door and went back inside.
She was right. I felt like hammered shit. Since I wasn't going to solve the case of the mysterious runner and was sure it wasn't some lost kid, I decided to call it a night. I went back inside, shut down the apartment, and crawled into bed.
I thought about watching one of the "right kind of internet videos" but fell asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow.
***
"Your problem is you think the world owes you something."
John, my elderly coworker at the grocery store, was standing by while I unloaded a pallet of cereal. I liked John, and when I first started, we instantly clicked. He's quick with a joke and fun to talk to. He's also about thirty years older than me and speaks with the Boomer combination of accumulated wisdom, backhanded compliments, and fringe conspiracy nonsense. Still, regardless of how couched the kindness is in gobbledygook, he's usually coming from a good place.
"What?" I said, putting a box of Captain Crunch on the shelf.
"You're complaining about your situation, right? Saying it ain't fair. The world took a paddle to your hind quarters? Hey brother, that's the way the cookie crumbles. Gotta just pick yourself up and start over. You're smart enough – figured this job out right quick – you can do it."
The job was wheeling pallets around the store and stocking shelves. It wasn't much to figure out, but I understood his meaning. The other stuff wasn't necessary, though. "I'm just in a funk. I don't see a way forward."
"Hey, so you've bottomed out. No shame in that. Happens to us all. Silver lining, you can only go up," he said before adding, "Unless some other bad shit happens to you like your car dies or your apartment building burns down. But after that, it's only up."
"The apartment building burning down would be a blessing," I said, hoisting another little Captain on the shelf. "The rent is killing me."
"Have you tried negotiating a lower rent? They used to do that when I was your age."
"I think they'd evict me if I even asked."
"Hell, then you'd have at least thirty days, maybe forty, before they'd kick you out. Plenty of time to turn things around."
"Uh-huh," I said, "Any chance you could give me a hand here?"
"My back is screaming like a pretty young thing after prom," he said, holding his back for emphasis.
I didn't push. "Hey, I meant to tell you about some weird shit that happened the other night."
"Lay it on me. I love the strange."
"So, after my shift the other day, I got home around midnight and was flopped on the couch. I heard someone running down the hallway outside my apartment. I wasn't the only one. A few other neighbors heard it, too. When we checked, though, nobody was there."
"That ain't strange," John said, waving his hand, "that's a man who's plowing another man's wife running for his life."
I laughed. "That's not the weird part. So, for the next two nights, it's the same thing. Around midnight, someone runs down the hallway. Only this time, they're trying the door handles as they pass. So, I asked the front desk to check the security cameras, and they do."
"They see a man running away holding his clothes?"
"There wasn't anyone running down the hall," I said, "But the weird thing was, you could see the door handles turning on the video."
"Damn, that's a good one," John said, "You sure it wasn't just a camera glitch. These new ones from overseas aren't as reliable as they want you to think. Chinese probably using them to spy on you, too."
He continued as my brain tried to reconcile John's two opposing comments. "Weird shit happens at night, man. Before working here, I only worked the day shift. Even when they offered me more money to work nights, I turned it down. Even when they promised me a promotion, I turned them down."
In a previous life, John had worked as a paramedic. He came by it after serving in a medical unit in the army. He'd told me he loved the rush of the job, but after a while, the death and hurt in people's eyes got to be too much to handle. But he worked there for almost twenty years. So, the man had a tolerance for shenanigans and odd occurrences.
"Why'd you agree to work nights here?"
"Shit, we're home before the witching hour. This is like late afternoons, at best. But if it was overnights, hell no. Captain Crunch can anchor his own ship to the shelves. I'd take my ass to 7-11 for a day shift before agreeing to work an overnight."
"Something happen to you during the army?”
“I got the clap,” he offered.
I sighed. “What turned you off nights?"
"Oh. I heard enough stories from coworkers to know I didn't want to experience any of that hoo-doo shit," he said, "trying to save someone's life is hard enough without adding in demon kids and ghosts."
"Did your coworkers see demon kids?" I asked, moving on from the good Captain to the Trix rabbit.
He nodded, "They saw too much. I find it odd, even with all the surveillance we have now and all the science we know about these days, that the night still scares us. You ever know someone who worked a night shift?"
I had. My ex. During college, she worked the overnight desk at a hotel for a while. She quit because the job gave her bad vibes. I told John as much.
He pointed and laughed, "See! Don't you find it odd that every person who works at night always has a story of something eerie happening to them? Every person, buster. That's what they call an irrefutable fact."
"Maybe the ghost running down the hallway is an old employee still doing his rounds."
"In that case, keep that door double locked. I'd even wedge a towel under the door just in case."
"Maybe they're friendly? Casper-like in that way."
"You ever heard someone tell you about a friendly ghost outside the funny papers?"
"I'm sure it happens," I said, "The scary ghosts are more popular though."
“We think we know everything there is to know but we are just babes in the woods when it comes to night things.” John shook his head. "Imma tell you one or three things that happened to a guy I worked with back when I first got hired on to chase after corpses in the ambo. Guy's name was Gil. Quiet man, kept to himself. Didn't rock the boat or demand a bigger paddle. Just rowed with us. Good cat to learn under," John said, finally handing me a cereal box.
I took it, and he kept going, "Now, Gil, ya see, he had a little wifey that would pester him about working days. She was a cop and worked evenings at that time, so they never saw each other. When married people can't align their genitals every now and then, it spells doom."
"A little too much information but sure," I said, shelving another box of Trix.
"Probably part of what happened with you and yours," he said. He wasn't wrong, but that didn't mean I wanted to hear it.
John kept on, "Gil finally got approved to move to nights. Little pay boost and a happy, 'fulfilled' wife should've made that man happy. But it didn't. I saw him a few months later, and he had changed. He might've been quiet when he was working with me, but he'd talk to you if you engaged. When I saw him that time, though, oh boy. He looked sick."
"Wasn't a fan of working nights?"
"Wasn't a fan of living anymore is the feeling I got," John said, "After some prodding, he got to talking with me some. Told me he missed days because the nights were messing with him. I thought it had to do with the schedule change, but that wasn't the case. He said he saw things in the dark he couldn't explain. Things that would turn James Brown into James White, ya dig?"
"I...dig," I said.
"Told me they got a call to an abandoned apartment building one night, around three in the morning. Wasn't unusual. Old buildings in the city are where hop-heads congregate and share drugs. Sometimes, the drugs are too much. Sometimes, they find a person passed out or, worse, dead. When you work in the ambo, you aren't scared of death like a civilian. You've been around it. Probably seen a few folks take their last breaths. It doesn't bother you the way Mother Nature intended it should."
He handed me another box, continuing his assist streak, and kept going, "Ambo pulled up, Gil stepped out and looked for someone to talk to. Nobody there, though. Not uncommon. Some people want to help but not be involved. There's not a soul around. He calls out, but nothing comes back. Tells me he turns to get back in the ambulance when he hears a scream from inside the run-down building. They're calling for help. He's gotta go in the abandoned building in the dark."
"No thanks," I said.
"But it don't bother a medic like that. Gil's done a million of these calls. No big deal. He runs into that building but doesn't come back out until twenty minutes later. Just goes missing. After five, the crew heads in to back him up but can't find him. Gil tells me his crew called the cops. It was like he had vanished."
"What happened?"
"I asked him and he got real quiet. Said he fell into some place that looked like here but wasn't here. Said he felt their eyes on him. Judging him. Told me they followed him home and wouldn't leave him be."
"Who?"
John shrugged, "He didn't say. Shut down after that and left. Just walked past me like I was shit on the sidewalk. He quit about a week later. Heard he had a stroke a year later and was a tombstone owner three months after that. Good guy, though."
"Your aversion to overnights makes a little more sense."
"Never in a million years. You don't want something like that coming after you."
"In my case, could it get much worse?" I said with a half-smile.
"Man, I wouldn't even joke about that," he said, making the sign of the cross, "You don't want that shit attachin' itself to you. With your luck, you'd bring him in here, and it'd hop over to me. I can't have a ghost crimping my style."
After a bit, he got called away to sign off on a delivery. I finished out my shift and headed out to the parking lot. When I exited the building and spotted my car, I froze. My doors were all open, and the interior lights were on. Someone had broken in.
I glanced around the lot to see if the thief was still around, but there wasn't another person near me. I walked over to the car and peered inside. My glovebox had been ripped open, and my registration was pulled out, but nothing else was missing.
I found little hand prints in the dirt all along the body and the windows. I held mine up for comparison, and they were about half the size. It must've been some tweens or teens who did this. Maybe they were going to steal some things and got cold feet. I contemplated calling the cops, but since nothing had happened and they wouldn't do anything anyway, there was no reason to delay sleep any longer than I had to. I closed all the doors and climbed inside.
I started the car and heard something rattling in the AC vents. I pulled out my phone and shined the light at the vent. There was a small piece of paper inside. I looked around my car for some tool to pull it out and only found an ink pen and a bent-up paperclip. After McGuyvering the vent for a bit, the paper finally came out.
I held it up and unfolded it. There was a handwritten note. It simply read, "I know you're here. I know you're hiding him. I will find you both, and then it'll be your turn to run the race. We all have to run at some point."
I had no idea what that meant, but my body still provided goosebumps. Who was trying to find me? Who was the second person? Why leave a note in my AC vent? What the hell did run the race mean? I hadn't run a race since elementary school and wasn't planning to do so any time soon. Did they mean the rat race? Because I was basically marathoning that motherfucker already.
"Jesus Christ," I said, shaking my head. "What else, universe?"
As if it were a well-practiced comedy routine, the universe responded. My back passenger door swung open, and I heard footsteps running away from my car. I sprung up and scrambled to get out. There wasn't anyone else in the lot that I could see, but very clearly, someone had been hiding in my backseat.
My nerves were shot already, and this was not something I wanted to deal with at the moment. My brain decided that to avoid a breakdown, I needed to shift into automatic mode and just get back to the safety of my apartment. I'd be more prepared to deal with this – whatever it was – in the morning.
Either that or I'd jump in front of a bus. Both sounded satisfying, albeit in different ways.
***
"There he is," Gloria said as soon as I turned down the hallway. I looked up and noticed a small cabal of my neighbors standing in a semi-circle, waiting for me. They all look displeased.
"Hey guys," I said, confused. "I miss an invite for a block party?"
"What do you have to say for yourself?"
"About?"
"Don't play dumb," another neighbor said, jabbing their finger in my direction.
"I'm not playing," I said, realizing the self-burn only after the words escaped my lips.
Gloria showed me the screen on her phone. It was a static shot of her door from across the hall. She pressed play, and nothing happened for a beat until something darted across the screen. That was the whole thing. I looked up at her, my face twisted up in confusion.
"Well," she said, "What do you have to say?"
"What was that?" I asked.
"That was you!" the pointing neighbor said, pointing harder than I thought possible.
"What?" I said, laughing. "Are you all serious?" They didn't laugh, and I realized they weren't joking. "How can you even tell it's me? It's a blur. Never mind the fact I've been at work for the last five hours. Plus, this blur is half my size. I get we're all weirded out about the Phantom Runner, but it's not me. I swear to God. I don't even have the energy to think about running, let alone the physical desire to."
"Then explain this," Gloria said, slightly swaying from the half bottle of Pinot Noir coursing through her blood. She rewound the video and froze it on a specific frame. I couldn't believe my eyes, but I was looking at...me. Or, rather, something pretending to be me.
"What the fuck?" I said, my jaw dropping.
"Still think we're lying?" the pointer said smugly.
"No, but, guys, this isn't me. I... I've been at work. Wanna see my schedule?"
I reached into my phone and pulled it out. There was an email with my work schedule that confirmed what I was saying. They relaxed, and, for the first time, anger gave way to fear. Their very plausible explanation was suddenly invalid. It left two implausible answers floating in the ether: either I had a pint-sized doppelganger terrorizing the hallways of my apartment, or a ghost was haunting the building.
"I'm...gonna go inside," the pointer said, walking back to their home. Everyone else drifted away until it was just Gloria and I standing alone in the hallway.
She looked at me and sighed, "I feel like an asshole," she said. "Sorry I accused you of causing the racket."
"If I had seen the video, I would've thought the same thing," I said. "We're good."
"What do you think it is?" she asked.
I shrugged and let out an exhausted sigh. "Honestly, Gloria, I've had a screwed-up night already, and this is the cherry on top of the shit sundae; forgive my language. I don't have the mental bandwidth to even comprehend what's on the video at the moment."
"Think it's after you?" she asked, though I suspected the wine had forced her to put that idea out into the universe. As I had already seen, the universe seemed to take requests on my behalf.
"Maybe it's after you?" I said, coming off a little meaner than I intended, but I didn't care. I left her there to contemplate that scenario and went into my apartment.
As soon as the door shut behind me, I felt on edge. Just because I didn't have the mental bandwidth to discuss the doppelganger didn't mean it wasn't dominating my thoughts. I saw the frame of the video. The damn ghost looked exactly like me. What could that possibly mean? I know I had wished for death, but I was very still alive. I had rent due to prove that.
Did I happen to live in a place haunted by a ghost that looked strikingly like me? Was it some kid with a passing resemblance just causing chaos? Was it something else I couldn't even comprehend – an alien? A clone? A secret government project?
There was a thumping coming from the hallway. The mini Usain Bolt was at it again. I knew the neighbors would ignore it. Since they had all thought it was me, which was proven to be untrue, they would avoid the running man from now on. While curious and confused by the creature, they'd never put themselves in harm's way to discover what it was. They were not a brave lot.
Neither was I, but maybe my life crumbling around me had forced my hand. I walked over to my door and swung it open. I hit record on my phone, stuck it out like a periscope, and glanced around the hallway. Nobody was there. No neighbors were looking. No person was running.
"You gotta stop, man. I need to go to sleep," I said to the empty space. No response, not that I was expecting one.
I turned to walk back in, and I caught something out of the corner of my eye. A face at the end of the hallway peeked around the corner. For a quick second, we locked eyes, and it was like I was looking into a mirror. This thing was me. But...how?
I tried to get it on video, but it ducked back into the shadows. I took that as a cue to shut and lock my door. My heart was racing, and I didn't want to think about this anymore, but I couldn't help it. There was a me in the hallway who enjoyed pestering my neighbors. Worse, they liked to run for some ungodly reason.
I put my phone on the counter, the video still rolling, when there was a knock at my door. It echoed in my near-empty apartment. I tried to ignore it and convince myself it was something else, but it wasn't. The ghost was knocking on my door. Even with my brain paralyzed, I couldn't help but think that it was awfully polite to knock.
Another knock, this one more forceful. I wondered if the neighbors thought I was making this up?
"I know you're in there," a voice said. It sounded just like me. "This is about the race. We all have to run the race. It's your turn now."
I froze. My legs went wobbly like a boxer on the brink of a blackout, but I stayed tall. I opened my mouth to speak and found the words dying in my throat. I grabbed a nearby bottle of water and took a chug.
"We all have to run the race."
"What race?" I choked out, "What are you talking about?"
"Open up. They're in there already, and I need to get them."
I glanced all around my empty apartment. I didn't see anyone else in here. I didn't hear anything. Whatever this thing was, it was lying. I grabbed my phone and held it in my hand. I wanted to document this to prove that I wasn't crazy.
“Did you leave the note?”
“I know they’re in there with you,” it repeated.
"There's no one in here," I said.
"They're hiding. I think I know where. I can hear them."
"You've gotta get out of here," I said. "There's nothing here, and you're scaring people."
"I'm scared, and you should be! You have to run the race, man! Open up, and I can show you."
The handle started to shake. I peered through the keyhole and only saw the top of the other me's head. They began to shoulder the door, and it crunched against my nose. I screamed out in pain and stumbled back. I tripped over my feet and landed hard on my ass.
The thing slammed into the door two more times, shaking the walls. The strength seemed unnatural. On the third hit, the door burst open. I finally got a view of the thing. It was me. Scaled down by half, but it was me. We both seemed shocked.
"You're so much taller up close," the other me said.
"Who the fuck are you?"
I felt a buzzing in my feet that seemed to climb up my body until it reached my brain. There was an intense pain that rippled through the folds of my mind. Through the pain, I could hear a disembodied voice whisper, "We all must run the race. We all have to run. Chase it. Chase yourself." It felt like my skull was going to split in two. I clutched the sides of my head and let out a primal scream that hurt my own ears.
Then it was gone. But I could still feel the echoes in my mind. "We all have to run the race. We all have to run." The thought would waver between making no sense and making complete sense. One second, I was questioning what was happening to my mind, and the next, all I felt was the desire to continue the race.
"There he is!" the other me yelled, pointing at the hallway.
I glanced over and saw another version of me standing in the hallway. It was half the size of the other me that had broken into my place. When tiny me locked eyes with my intruder, he ran for the open hallway closet.
The other me followed, screaming that it would catch the little bastard if it was the last thing he'd do. I pushed myself up to my feet and felt queasy. I watched as the other me ran head-first into the closet without slowing. I expected to hear a loud thump as it hit the back wall but none came.
"We all have to run the race," the voice in my head said, soothing my nerves. "It's your time to run the race."
I moved down the hallway, each footfall echoing loudly in the empty apartment, each step bringing me closer to the closet door. Something was drawing me there. The voice's words echoed in my mind as well: "We all have to run the race. It's your turn now."
I grabbed the door and stopped. Something was compelling me to move forward. To go into the closet. To chase myself. To run the race.
"No," I whispered and yanked my hand from the door. I pulled out my still recording phone, and stared into the camera. My face was devoid of color, and you could see the fear etched into me. "I'm freaking out because...because…"
I stopped. I felt an invisible hand grab my body and tug. "Because...because if I don't run the race, something bad will happen. I have to chase it. I...I have to."
My phone dropped from my hand, and I didn’t care. The force pulling me forward stopped but my body kept going. I could feel the last strands of my rational mind splintering. My thoughts became focused on one thing: I had to catch myself, find out what was happening, and run the race. If I ran, maybe I'd win.
I needed a win.
I walked into the back of the closet and felt a door handle sticking out of the wall. I'd been in that closet a million times before and never had seen this. But a sense of calm washed over me. This….this was supposed to be here. This was perfectly fine.
I turned the handle and pulled open the invisible door. In front of me was a hallway that looked strikingly like the one outside my apartment. At the end of the hallway, I saw Gloria step out of their home to leave for the night. She was huge. Twice my size, easy.
Another door opened, and I saw...me—a giant version of me. The Hulk version of me was getting ready to go to the grocery store for work. I watched as the giant Gloria and giant me joked and laughed. I was stunned.
I stared, and a new thought came to me. I have to find the smaller me and talk to it. I needed to find out if there's a way out of this...this….
"It's your turn to run," the voice said.
Calm embraced me. "It's my turn to run," I repeated. As the giant me took off and the giant Gloria re-entered her apartment, the hallway beckoned.
"We all have to run the race," I said softly, "It's my turn now."
I started running.
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2024.05.22 02:08 kimvette This is not about work

I want to stress that this is not about work. It's about a stupid gaming club.
First, I'm detoxing from Facebook; here I can tailor my news feed more so I am not innundated with Maganazi stuff.
Second, the thing is:
You can't fire someone who quit and you invited back but they were stalling and waiting for you to hold up your end of the bargain, and to cut out the snide, condescending shit. You're not convincing anyone to come back with that when you haven't addressed the underlying issue.
Third, once I was reminded I quit, and cannot be fired, and that whether or not Trump and the Maganazi wins in November, all the stress, hurt, and sadness was gone. When I was a Christian I practiced "No one steals my joy." Although I am now an athiest, because I see no evidence on the part of evangelicals that they even believe in the god they profess (the evidence Jeebus promised believers would show is love for their neighbor), I will continue to keep an open mind, and I will let no one steal my joy.
I'm sticking to my committment to stay off of Facebook as a general rule until July, or sometime in July, just to get a good long break from Maganazi bullshit, but know this if you're stalking me, and I know you are:
I admit, you get me down for a few months, but I remembered I quit, you invited me back and I hadn't yet accepted because you did none of your agreed parts, and added snideness and condescension to it, and I did flinch and let it get me down. No more. Fuck off, because I have my joy back and I rest knowing that although I said things in a way I regretted, I do not regret what I said, but only how I said it.
The thing in January was a litmus test. if we were on better terms I'd explain to you yet again, but you're unwilling to listen, and my favorite quote aside, there is no point in talking to a wall.
You were another brick in the wall, but I am tearing the wall back down. I'm not going back behind an emotional wall.
submitted by kimvette to u/kimvette [link] [comments]


2024.05.22 01:59 Fortinbrah If You're Interested in Dzogchen...

Somebody requested that I write down some resources for Dzogchen in the sidebar, so I thought I would do a post as well to give a sort of background and offer anyone else the chance to get in on the conversation or building of resources too...
But first,

A Word on Secrecy, Safety Maturity, and Cults

I'm writing this post out by request of someone who messaged me, with the intention of reaching a wider audience, or all beings, who could benefit from learning about these teachings. I have to caution, though, that they may not be for everybody, and in that regard, I would advise gentleness, with yourself and others, with regards to this path. Please take care of yourself, and keep a measure of your own mind with regard to your mental health and these practices. I wish that those who read this post are only those who it may help, and I apologize preemptively to all those it may hurt, or if I've made any mistakes in my writing.
With that in mind, I can maybe share a little bit about the secrecy aspect of what is called Vajrayana. Someone who learns about these practices but does not genuinely practice them can generate obstacles to their own awakening; specifically with Dzogchen, there is a real danger of intellectualizing the practice such that one covers over their own mind with a sheen of thoughts and fabrication, blocking one from advancing towards awakening. In that regard, this particular practice is called self secret. From what I know, many Lamas won't introduce one to the practice if they aren't sure the student has the capability to grasp it, and also - the student won't be able to practice it or understand it if they're not able to. But, to give some background, from what I understand the strongest indicator of capability to practice Dzogchen, is an interest in doing so.
On the subject of cults - I have to note that Dzogchen practice can be very personal, but that is not a license for any teacher to abuse you, in any form, ever. Things that happened in the past - students getting slapped, hit with shoes, etc. - happened in the past - but that doesn't make them appropriate teachings devices today. A genuinely compassionate teacher won't take advantage of your practice to abuse you, steal your money, degrade you, control you, or anything like that. If they try to - it is more likely that you've stumbled on a cult, and should get away as fast as you can.
As for what makes a good teacher - others have asked this question before, and u/krodha in particular has written out a good description many times, although I can't find the quote he usually uses unfortunately.
As far as general safety in the practice goes, Lama Lena has written this (and I'm shamelessly stealing it from her website):
"The responsibility to take care of your own mind rests with you; not the lama, not your mom, not your cat. So, take it upon yourself to be safe and use common sense."
Please, read that whole page and heed the warnings.

My Practice

I've been working with Dzogchen for about 3.5 years now, since approximately the end of 2020. I'd been interested in Mahayana practices for the better part of a decade before that, but mostly just practicing Samatha by the way of Anapanasati and Metta, and also through the framework provided by *The Mind Illuminated*. I had been curious about Dzogchen for a bit, mostly from reading about it on Wikipedia and just, in general, being interested in seeing what the fuss is surrounding vajrayana, tantra, and the "highest system" called Atiyoga.
By chance, I happened to see a comment on Dzogchen from someone who basically said "If anyone is looking for pointing out, feel free to message me." So I sent them a message giving my general background and motivation for the practice, and they invited me to join them on meditationonline.org - which had been a place they'd been doing meditation for a few years (and still do, I suppose I'd consider myself part of that sangha). I happened to meet the individual who I'd been messaging, a Nyingma lama called Dawai Gocha, and received pointing out, along with teachings for the next few years... up until the present day.
My main practice now is Dzogchen - I gradually transitioned into this from Anapanasati over the course of about six months - and most of my sessions are now just me resting in awareness - Rigpa. I generally do augment this however with other practices, like Satipatthana, mantra recitation, and other practices from the three main vehicles, simply because I like to do them and find them helpful on the path.

What is Dzogchen?

I can't say anything that has not already been said by others, in particular, meditation masters with vastly more experience than I have - but to put it simply, Dzogchen practice can encompass a large number of different types of ancillary practices, and one central practice, which the ancillaries are meant to accomplish. The main practice is resting in the Rigpa.

How to Learn

"Get pointing out instructions from a qualified teacher before embarking on Dzogchen and Mahamudra. A teacher can address pressing questions as they arise and give you a map and tools for the journey. As practitioners, we can rely on those who have hiked the trail before us." - Lama Lena
Since the awareness nature is always present in every being, it is both simple to learn and simple to maintain the practice - being that one just simply is introduced to the awareness nature, and then abides in it at all times.
As far as being introduced to that awareness, in my experience there are many avenues, such as getting pointed out in person( verbally or non verbally), in visions, through texts, in dreams, etc. In one of her videos, Lama Lena goes through, I think, five different days that transmission/pointing out can happen.
But in my experience, getting pointing out, repeatedly and periodically, from a teacher is the most effective (and probably the most important) way to learn, like having someone coach you through riding a bicycle, until you finally internalize the fundamentals and are able ride on your own. Even someone that can check your progress, humble you, and keep you from common pitfalls, can be extremely helpful. Dzogchen, to me and from what I have read from e.g. Tulku Urgyen, is very simple, so simple that many people are able to miss it extremely easily. Whether we miss it because we're so worked up, or because we are subtly fabricating something and fixating on the fabrication - there is a miss, and from what I know, it's better to realize that than carry on doing whatever else. The harsh reality of Dzogchen practice is that fixation, because we're so habituated to it as human beings, is extremely easy, and being led astray by fixation means your meditation becomes a conditioned Samatha practice. On a lighter note though - from my perspective, one we learn to continually distinguish between Consciousness from Wisdom, we are on very solid ground, and it becomes easier and easier to recognize when we've become fixated.
On the subject of teachers - I would consider myself to have had many teachers. My main teacher, I mentioned before, is a lama I talk to live over the internet, but I would also say I've received teachings from recordings, from books, and in dreams. For clarity, I will state again: having a teacher that you can use to verify your practice is very important so as not to fall into common pitfalls. Whether you are confirming your experience through texts, reasoning, pointing out videos, whatever - doing it repeatedly will help because otherwise, as a beginner, one can be lost for minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, etc. without finding awareness again. I've seen people on Dzogchen who, unfortunately, even though they got pointing out from great teachers, were not able to full internalize the practice because they got lost in thoughts and then never were able to find recognize awareness again, and so need the pointing out once more. Others get the pointing out repeatedly - practice a lot, and attain good results over time. In that way, from my perspective, having continual access to the teachings is very important.
Fortunately, we live in a good time for this.
I'll get to recommend specifics later but - this is my perspective - although some people say that you can't get transmission over recordings or the internet, or from books - I actually do doubt that that is that case, just from experience. But, I must caution that all of my experience in this realm comes from after the point in time that I received live pointing out, so I would not take what I say as gospel. Once again, anything I say would defer to a knowledge and reputable teacher.
This all being said - regardless of how one feels at a specific time or place, there's no reason to ever refrain from confirming one's experience or view against the words of masters. There are others that have said this, who have more experience, but until we are Buddhas ourselves and phenomena have exhausted, there is no reason to ever stop practicing. Ever. If you are practicing, there is no need to make effort, and all phenomena will come and go without trouble until they are fully exhausted. Namkhai Norbu says almost exactly this in The Cycle of Day and Night.

Finding A Teacher - Resources

"Do not expect to travel this path guided only by books and the internet! Use the internet to find a teacher, then connect with them." - Lama Lena
It's taken a while to get here, my apologies for that.
For finding a teacher, I think any lama that has accomplished a three year retreat will be proficient in either Mahamudra or Dzogchen (both Atiyoga - subtle differenes but the same essential practice), and will likely be able to give pointing out instructions.
Not all may do so at first. Some may want a more personal relationship, some may require Ngondro, and some may say "sorry I don't really give those teachings". Some may require a baseline knowledge of the practice first - for example the Tergar program does.
That being said, there are many places to receive pointing out for free and in public.
Off the top of my head, I can name four that are always open and free: Lama Lena on Facebook and Youtube, The Rangdrol Foundation (run by the reddit user u/jigdrol), MeditationOnline.org, and The Pristine Mind Foundation . I know there are others, but at least to me on reddit and personally, these have been the most visible. I do know that Yongey Mingyur Rinpoche and James Low occasionally give pointing out instructions and videos on the practice. As well - many other lama do on occasion, and especially Bon lamas - practitioners and Yogis from the Tibetan Indigenous religion, through teachings series or classes. Some may even do so if you are able to get a phone call with them.
Personally, I recommend finding someone who you can learn from personally, and allowing them to teach you whatever they can.
Edit: Here is a recent list of online teachers compiled by Dzogchen
Lama Lena Dzogchen Youtube Videos
Lama Lena Introductory Videos
Meditation Online Videos (Almost all Dzogchen)
Once you've received pointing out, there are also numerous public books, and texts one can read to deepen their understanding and/or background in the teachings, a few of which I've read and can list below. I'll also try to find some links that I care share too.
Many texts on Dzogchen, Mahyana and Vajrayana in general can be found on the excellent Lotsawahouse.org
A list of a few books that I've read and can personally recommend. Please note - these books (with the exception of Transcending AFAIK) are best read after having received transmission:
The Cycle of Day and Night by Chogyal Namkhai Norbu
Dzogchen: Heart Essence of the Great Perfection by HH The Dalai Lama
Zurchungpa's Testament by Dilgo Khyentse Rinpoche
Vajra Heart Revisited by Tulku Urgyen Rinpoche
Transcending Ego: Distinguishing Consciousness from Wisdom by Thrangu Rinpoche
Also, I've not read the Trilogy of Rest by Longchenpa but heard that they're excellent.
Anyways, this about wraps up the post. If you have any questions or additional comments, they are very welcome. I wish all of your the very best of luck on your paths, and that all beings may reach enlightenment.
submitted by Fortinbrah to streamentry [link] [comments]


2024.05.22 01:55 OrionsRequiem The Cure of the Soul [05/24 03:30 UTC]

[9:30 PM EST/6:30 PM PST on May 23rd] - Picks will go out a few hours before
Player Count: 3-5
Duration: ~4-6 hours
Communication: Discord and Roll20
Threat Level: Deadly (With high potential to escalate based on player's actions)
Mission: Retrieval
Location: Alexandria, Arab Republic of Egypt
Game Theme: Where Dragons Cannot Tread
GM Style Sheet: After Shenanigans
*Connecting to ShadowHaven Host* *Welcome to ShadowHaven.* *69 new Notifications* *Accessing Recent Crime...* *Earthquakes near Stonehenge monuments cause local druids to gather. One irate druid is quoted "They're fragging with our drek!"* *Mysterious MERC founder and Dairy Queen regional operator Silas Rojas wanted for questioning by local government authorities after series of "Robot-based magical incidents"* *Satelite footage surfaces today of the Great Dragon Lofwyr flying from Sader-Krupp headquarters in Essen and heading East. More as it develops* *Your Crime Phone is ringing* *It's Crime Time* *Accessing Crimelogs...* 
"Yooo! Shadowdudes! Brodie J's got a totally wiz job for you all. Gonna be totally banger! I need like, this really specific book, and it's at this totally rad library, but apparently you can't just like take it out. I'll give ya more deets at the club!
OOC Info: I need a wiki page, if you are willing to write the AAR and a response to the IC prompt below.
Full Disclosure: This run involves stealing from not one, but two Great Dragons. This comes with significant risk especially if you get caught. As such please review the [rules on burning edge] before applying (https://shreloaded.net/wiki/GM_Rules#Player_Characters_and_%22Not_Dead_Yet%22) before applying.
IC Prompt: "How do you feel about libraries? Do you think some knowledge should be held back from metahumanity as a whole? If so, who determines who gets to have that knowledge?"
submitted by OrionsRequiem to ShadowHaven [link] [comments]


2024.05.22 01:48 Vegetable-Ear-9731 When And How Did Content Creation Change?

Something I was thinking about when I watched the final moments of the most recent EFAP was Mauler’s observation that the internet content creator landscape used to be different when AVGN clones ruled Youtube and his question of how that shifted into video essayists and commentary channels. I thought about that for a while and I thought of some reasons why the landscape changed that I would like to share.
Managers
Something that people might not be aware of is how many Youtubers have people managing their content in the form of things like setting up brand deals and other services that I am not familiar with. Some of them are very public about what they do, some of them are more private. The important thing is how managers worked in the past.
One thing that I liked about Machinima, ScrewAttack, and Channel Awesome that the creators probably didn’t like is that they forced the older creators to stick to a set schedule of uploads and some of them forced creators to follow a set formula. This meant that the manager would make sure that if a creator uploaded a video every Friday at 2pm, they would have an upload every single Friday at 2pm.
How would this work if the creator wanted to take a week off? Well, the creator would have to have a video to upload in advance. What if the creator wanted to spend 3 weeks on a super-duper big video? Well, they could absolutely do that, but it would be a passion project and they’d still have to follow the set schedule for regular uploads.
This created a content landscape that I actually enjoyed a lot as a consumer because it’s probably the way it should be for reviewers. Every week, or every day in rare cases, a movie reviewer would need to review a different movie, which meant that a reviewer might have to force themselves to sit through a movie they don’t want to see like Fifty Shades Of Grey to give it a chance to subvert their expectations and earn a glowing review, or dig deep to find a new indie movie to review to fill that quota if they really didn’t want to sit through Fifty Shades Of Grey.
The promise of Patreon and creators becoming more independent was that creators would exclusively make videos on topics they wanted to do, but I personally think that was the wrong way to go. I’ve maintained a position that I prefer it when content creators are encouraged, or even forced, to talk about things that they don’t want to talk about because oftentimes that’s when reviewers are most interesting. Some of my favorite Roger Ebert reviews were when he reviewed a children’s movie like Space Jam or Pokemon: The First Movie, and some of my favorite Zero Punctuation reviews are when he has to pick out a random indie game and commit to reviewing it regardless of what the indie game turned out to be, like when he reviewed Hell Pie.
What I think has happened is that the lack of managers has encouraged content creators to upload whatever they want, whenever they want, which has usually translated to videos about ‘easy’ topics, like videos about Disney movies, being uploaded weeks, or even months, apart, which has made the content creation landscape, at least for reviewers, a lot less interesting, and a lot less engaging.
It’s actually one of the reasons why EFAP has been losing my interest lately, because although they upload a stream every week the topics they choose are generally ‘easy’ topics because I genuinely think the hosts don’t have the ability to make an EFAP on something more obscure, or even just ‘difficult’ like Baby Reindeer, very interesting, or they just won’t do streams on those topics because, as Rags said: “This is our show, and we can do whatever the fuck we want.”
Honestly, my hot take is that I liked you better when you couldn’t do whatever the fuck you wanted all of the time. In fact, one of my favorite Rags moments on EFAP was when he clearly didn’t want to be involved with the debate with Twin Perfect.
Sponsors
I remember the Adpocalypse and how Youtubers transitioned to sponsors over relying heavily on ad-revenue. What that event transpired into is that audiences were far more accepting of basically any form of making money that Youtubers would use. Patreon became a very dominant part of Youtube, but sponsors also became extremely common and audiences would even cheer in the comment sections when creators would have their first Raid: Shadow Legends sponsorship.
Sponsors are what I want to talk about because I have seen Youtubers show that they have a bunch of videos on their computer that they simply aren’t releasing to the public because they don’t want to upload a single video without a sponsor on their main channel, as well as Youtubers having a second channel where they upload ‘slop’ content without sponsors that most of their audience is usually unaware of or isn’t interested in.
The problem is that the appeal for pretty much all content on Youtube is the personalities of the people creating the content, which is less about the actual personalities and more like “That’s an actual person doing what they actually want to do, that’s so cool,” but that is usually undercut by the presence of sponsors. The fact that Youtubers will sit on a video they made and not upload it unless they can get a sponsor to pay for it always seemed strange to me, especially for Youtubers where the image they present is “I’m just a normal, chill guy who makes Youtube videos for fun,” which needs the caveat of “Uhhhh, I’m actually really poor and if I don’t take this BetterHelp sponsor I can’t afford my rent this month. Please understand, I’m barely making any money on Youtube,” when a sponsor is included in the video.
As weird as this sounds, there are communities of creatives online that don’t expect to ever make any money putting hours, days, weeks, months, and years of work into a project. There are modding communities, bloggers, game developers, fanfiction writers, and artists that only want comments saying “You did a good job,” and Youtubers used to be that way, or they used to present themselves that way before sponsors became as common as they are now.
I don’t say this often enough, but I remember when Youtubers would make videos about not just random pictures on Deviantart, but on fanfictions and pornographic videos. They’d do those videos for things like clout, which is something that I don’t see too often on Youtube.
People might say that there are a bunch of Youtubers that talk about obscure media and Youtubers that make things without any expectation of earning money, which I say “Well, yeah, but that’s not what I’m talking about,” and then I’d point to things like AVGN’s Atari Porn video, and old videos where commentary Youtubers would branch out from their niche to say “Hey, just for fun, we’re going to check out this weird fanfiction story,” or how Yahtzee would include fun projects he created at the end of his Zero Punctuation videos, like how he’d dub over scenes in video games like Half-Life and Painkiller, or how he made a slideshow with Garry’s Mod that depicted a love story between Heavy and Medic.
What I’m saying is that a large part of what made Youtube fun was that not every video from an established creator with 100k subscribers needed to be monetized, or even created with the expectation of being successful or well-received by the community. There was a time when the expectations people had for, say, Jim Sterling was for a high-quality Jimquisition video to be produced and uploaded to the main channel once a week, and for the other days to feature a minimally-edited video where he showed himself trying out a game or reacting to a trailer on his main channel.
In the past I said that I would like it if EFAP would talk about comments and read fanfictions on-stream and I was mocked for it, but I stand by that statement because, although EFAP clearly doesn’t want to do it regularly, when they do read comments on-stream it tends to result in some of the best content because it showcases a side to them that I like. Instead of being totally normal dudes talking to each other about a movie they saw or reacting to a video, they have to use text-to-speech or read the comment using a silly voice or, well, use just a little bit of creativity when reading those comments out-loud.
What I’m kinda saying is that, yes, I think we all like professionally-produced content, and we all accept that sponsors for videos are necessary. But, like, I don’t like how for most successful Youtubers only the monetizable content, often with sponsors, is presented on the main channel, while the other content doesn’t exist, is uploaded to a secondary channel, or is locked behind some kind of paywall.
It just feels strange that these normal, chill, relatable people have gotten themselves into a position where they can earn real money, in some cases a lot of money, to stand in front of a webcam for 10 minutes talking about their favorite movies, chat with a group of friends, or even just play their favorite video game, and in quite a few cases they won’t do any of those things unless there’s a way to monetize it. Imagine how it looks to say “Well, I can’t talk about this cool fanfiction story I read on my main channel to my audience that enjoys my content about that franchise because I can’t get a sponsor for it.”
I wonder if Rags, a regular host of EFAP, appreciates the irony of him criticizing Chris Stuckmann for advocating that filmmakers “Get as much time and money as possible to make their films in the ideal circumstances and for the process to be easy,” when he’s in the position that he’s in where, on EFAP, he has as much freedom as he wants in the ideal circumstances to make money with EFAP, and it’s easy, yet he still will complain if he’s asked to step out of his comfort zone, even a little bit, on stream.
Insecurity
A while ago I had a theory about Cancel Culture which was that usually Cancel Culture is incredibly exaggerated by the audience of the people being canceled, and that most of the people being canceled are perfectly fine. The go-to example is the poor lady who made a joke about AIDS before going to Africa that got off the flight and got fired from her job due to her joke going viral. What people often don’t mention is that she got fired because it’s a terrible look for the company’s PR person to be involved with such a massive PR disaster, and that she got hired at another company a very short time later. Plus, like, she made a racist joke and people were calling her a racist, it wasn’t like she was targeted for absolutely no reason.
My theory is that people think that Cancel Culture absolutely ruins the lives of celebrities and influencers online because of their intense reactions to being canceled. An early example being Seth Macfarlane, who was mocked for his poorly-received hosting of the Oscars and who seemed incredibly bitter about it, making Cancel Culture a plot point in multiple episodes of Family Guy, talking about how bitter he was about it in interviews for years, and even apparently getting emotional support from his friends and family after the ordeal, even going as far as to ask celebrities to say “I liked what he did and I thought he was hilarious, and very handsome.”
What I’m saying is that I think that in the early days of content creation on Youtube the people making videos were more willing to appear on camera and embarrass themselves, like with Spoony screaming at a big gaming event on camera, because even though they were aware of Cancel Culture being a thing they weren’t going to be reduced to tears by someone saying “You’re totally cringe and annoying,” and even went as far as to incorporate those kinds of comments into their video because it was extremely easy content to create. You probably know what I’m talking about, where a creator would read out “This content creator is SOOOOOOO CRINGE,” in a video in a silly voice which you can’t really do as easily with “OMG, I love your content,” and make it entertaining.
That’s changed a lot today with content creators seeming to project an extreme amount of insecurity in every video they’re a part of, which gets even worse in formats like podcasts. It feels like every commentary creator is a chill dude that isn’t offended by anything and only wants to have a good time talking about things they like because, well, that’s what they need to be to avoid being criticized too severely, but they constantly allude to being a very immature and thin-skinned person that is mainly concerned about earning money, to the point where they’ll say “I’m not even having fun producing content at all.”
In college I remember one of my professors saying: “When you were high school kids you were insecure and weren’t confident in your abilities enough to volunteer when you were asked. You’re adults now, and when you graduate you can’t do that at a real job. Part of growing up is being confident in yourself, and if you don’t want to do that, you can always work in fast food where you never need to grow up, while the other adults in your friend group are becoming doctors and construction workers.”
It’s something that I realized with Youtubers which is that a decent amount of them started their careers young and never had to ‘grow up’ the way that my professor said that we needed to. Even with millions of subscribers you still see a lot of Youtubers struggle to commit to any statement they make, and I hear “I’m just a dumb Youtuber who doesn’t know anything and is stupid and socially-awkward and is fat and smells bad,” too many times from rich and successful people.
The thing is, when you’re a teenager, or you’re in your 20s, that insecurity is charming and relatable because you're trying to find a place in the world and discovering the role that you will fill in society. But, when you’re 30 and your role is “I tell people about the latest internet drama and make references to Spongebob,” or “I talk about Star Wars for hours at a time,” even if you make $2 million every day there’s likely a part of you that says: “I don’t like who I am. I don’t like what I do for a living. Yes, I’m rich, but I don’t like why I’m rich, and I don’t like my audience.”
I think that this insecurity leads to people trying to make their content more ‘mature’, but the way they do it isn’t by presenting themselves as a more confident person, or by making a clear separation between the personality in their content and their actual personality so that they can have a good work/life balance, it’s by creating the same content with very superficially mature elements. So, you end up with the video essayists of the past that gained fame by describing the events of a movie and then giving their opinion on whether they liked or disliked it doing the same thing but with quotes from smart people, like Socrates, and making conclusions like “Some people are gonna like this movie, some people are going to hate it. The important thing is that everyone involved with this movie tried really hard and had fun.”
The thing is, teenagers and 20-year-olds get value from a relatable person that comes across as an insecure loser who is too afraid to take a proper stance on anything to commit to a statement. When someone is actually mature they find more value in someone who is willing to do a good job and defend the job that they did, even if they’re like Neil Breen who thinks they did a good job but clearly did a terrible job. A 20-year-old might declare that Twin Perfect’s debate with EFAP wasn’t embarrassing because he was just being himself or something, but a 40-year-old might not tell Twin Perfect that the debate was embarrassing, but they would no longer respect him, and I imagine a lot of 40-year-olds don’t respect a lot of Youtube video essayists because of how eager they seem to be to engage in self-deprecation.
Conclusion
Despite everything that I’ve said, I do think that the content landscape on Youtube is generally ‘better’ than it was in, say, 2010. We weren’t getting a 4+ hour video by The Little Platoon about Rebel Moon, for instance, in 2010.
What I would compare modern Youtube and classic Youtube to is the 1970s movie scene vs. the 1980s movie scene, which Quentin Tarantino has labeled as “The worst period in movie history,” which the EFAP crew have pushed back on.
The thing is, in the early 80s we got Blade Runner, in the same way that nowadays we got the 4+ hour Little Platoon video, but the theatrical release of that film was famously sabotaged by the company that wanted Harrison Ford to provide voiceovers for the film that ‘ruined’ it, or at least, ruined the ending of the movie.
Throughout the 80s films were made which satisfied audiences more than films from the 70s did because Spielberg was producing hugely successful films that are still highly regarded, but there was also a bunch of shady practices going on and a bunch of notoriously poor studio decisions made in order to appeal to a wide demographic, such as the fiasco with Supergirl and Masters Of The Universe, or changing the ending of Brazil.
In the 1970s we not only got more challenging films, but there was also a thriving independent cinema scene that gave us Death Race 2000, Eraserhead, THX-1138, and Duel. There was also Jaws, Star Wars, and A Clockwork Orange, which were big-budget movies that took serious creative risks that paid off immensely which just wouldn’t happen in the 1980s, or would happen very rarely.
I think that I do prefer Youtube back in, say, 2015-2017 when it seemed like we generally got the best of both worlds, challenging content about a diverse range of subjects with production values comparable to what we have now.
To close this, I would like to include a paraphrased interaction I saw on a podcast featuring a pretty big Youtuber that I think illustrates why Youtube has changed in the way that it has.
Youtuber: Look, I don’t need to work as hard on my videos now because not every video needs to be an event. I just want to take it easy now, pump out a video whenever I feel like it, get paid by the sponsors, and then spend time with my family, is that so wrong?
Host: It kind of is. I know your audience of teenagers will be like “He just wants to spend time with his family, dude, have a heart,” but a lot of Youtubers, especially younger Youtubers look up to you for inspiration. If you’re in that position and your attitude is “I’m going to half-ass every video that I make from now on and if anyone calls my content lazy I’ll use my 8-year-old daughter as a shield against criticism,” that’s the attitude that a lot of young Youtubers are going to have. They’re going to half-ass their content and when criticized, they’re going to find their own excuse, like “I have a kid now,” or “I have to eat,” or something.
Youtuber: That’s not my fault, though. I never asked to be a role model.
Host: That’s not how that works. You don’t get to decide whether or not people look up to you, have expectations of you, and emulate your approach to content creation. You only release 2-3 videos a year, and with your status every video should be a major event, but instead every video is half-assed, as you admitted, and then you use your daughter as an excuse for why you don’t put as much effort into your content as you used to. I think you need to have someone in your life, like a friend, that actually makes you feel some shame for your content and encourages you to do better, rather than your social circle being composed of supportive people like your family and the people who pay you through Patreon.
Host 2: He did have that. He fired him two years ago, remember?
Host: Oh, yeah, you fired your friend, or made him quit, whatever the story was. Did that not make you feel bad at all?
Youtuber: Friendships end, that’s just life.
Host: That’s the attitude that I hate that comes across in your content. You can’t just brush aside everything and bumble through life, except if you’re an internet personality, apparently.
Host 2: It worked for the MCU.
Host: It’s not working for the MCU anymore, though, and it isn’t working as well for this Youtuber. It’s probably going to get worse and when he decides to do more work and make better videos, like he used to do, it’s probably going to be too late, or he’ll need to make really good videos to get the views he once did.
Youtuber: My videos are really good, though.
Host: You admitted to half-assing them.
submitted by Vegetable-Ear-9731 to MauLer [link] [comments]


2024.05.22 01:35 Abject_Plantain1696 Atma, the Brittled Backbone of Agnisha

Atma, the Brittled Backbone of Agnisha

Champion

Class: Specialist Mage -> Juggernaut
Role: Top/Mid
Resource: Backbone

Forward

Atma, (pronounced like aath-maa and meaning "breath" in Sanskrit) is my take at a courageous coward. What's a courageous coward? Well I think of a courageous coward as someone who is cowardly and easily frightened, but still chooses to fight and confront adversity despite being afraid. They just need some time to gain some backbone before fighting.
Atma actually has 2 forms (similar to Gnar). Each form has a different playstyle as Atma is a cowardly mage in his Brittle Form and a resolute juggernaut in his Forged Form. Atma switches from a coward to a brave warrior after gaining max courage (Backbone), at which point he unsheathes his very spine to use in battle. His spine? Yes. His brittle spine was reforged by Ornn himself into the Forgefire Kanabo he wields today. Read the lore to find out more!
The idea of Atma's Brittle Form is to be a mobile mage that gains Backbone by dodging skillshots and landing ranged abilities and attacking froma safe distance - Atma is too scared to fight up close but he still fights in his own way aha. Running away and trying to survive is still brave to me - its better than standing still and accepting defeat at least :P Although he himself is brittle in this form, his abilities also apply brittle to enemies, possibly immobilizing them a bit longer (giving him more time to run away!). Eventually he gains enough Backbone to be able to unsheathe his Kanabo from his back and enter his Forged Form.
The idea of the Forged Form is to be an aggressive Juggernaut with high amounts of melee damage and healing. This form has great catching potential, especially if the enemy was brittled while Atma was in his Brittle Form. Once a frightful coward who would haphazardly cough up smoke, now Atma is a tenacious berserker who wants all the smoke - and fire too!

Appearance

Tall, medium build, young man, black charred and scorched skin, long red-orange hair in a ponytail like a wildfire, orange eyes, fireproof black leather pants, blacksmith's apron, Agnisha emblem, Kanabo handle sticking out from his back behind his head.
In Brittle form he hunches his spine into a cowardly posture, and his hair is let down in front of his face, turning more and more ashy gray as his backbone drops.
In Forge form, he stands up straight and confident and his hais and eyes glow a bright red-orange as his backbone increases.
AI Image for reference:
Before
After

Applicable Contest Prompts

Contrasting Parts: Make a champion that fulfills two contrasting archetypes
Atma is a mage/juggernaut with very different playstyles based on his form. To oversimplify, his kit is basically a "wait/ go" playstyle. While the brittle form can still deal quite a bit of damage, its main function is to survive enemy engages, as well as "set up" by applying brittle, and finally to gain backbone all the while to enter his forged form. His Forged form is where Atma shines, gaining incredible kill and survival potential.
A Story Through Action: Make a champion whose kit tells their story and character
I tried my best to embed the courageous coward into his kit and playstyle as much as I could. His gernation of Backbone requires him to be in battle to gain Backbone, meaning the player has to be brave enought to attack and dodge abilities to gain backbone. The story of Atma is one of fear and courage. He is scared and yet does his best to survive, he will not give up. And when he finally gains enough courage and backbone he becomes the warrior he knew he always was, attacking aggressively and recklessly without doubt.
I tried to add subtle things to make the player understand the change in Atma throughout the game. Like in brittle form his dash ability is actually a short self fear with increased movement speed. And in forged form that ability is a self-berserk with increased movement speed. I'm sure its probably best to make it a dash with animations that communicate this, but this is more fun. Other things that show his story was that in brittle form his abilities use smoke. The smoke is a result of Atma's fear causing him to be unable to breath properly with his new Steelforged Lungs (read the lore!), coughing up smoke. But in Forged form, each breath is calm, deep, and intentional resulting in the accumulation of forgefire in his body instead. Cowardly smoke/ Unextinguishable Forgefire.
Tell Me A Story: Connect your champion to other champions already in the universe, and include game mechanics that tie their stories to gameplay
Connected to Ornn and his Hearthblood, but not sure if the brittle mechanic apply and proc is sufficient for the second half. Regardless, I had a lot of fun making the lore this time around so thanks for giving this prompt!

Lore:

An Inextinguishable Flame
TLDR: Atma is an Agnisha, a decendent of the last surviving Hearthblood. One day Agnisha village is radied by the Winter's Claw and all Agnisha's are killed, including Atma's master, Marnn, who made Atma's Kanabo. Since Atma just watched in fear as his village was killed he feels guilt and hatred to wards himself for being such a coward. Remembering his master's words he travels to the howling abyss where Ornn and Volibear clashed, and nearby he wishes to go to hearth-home the closest place he has to a home. Instead he is attacked by a Spirit Ram, ends up getting completely scorched and on the brink of death. But his defiance to live unleashes a burst of forgefire, immediately letting Ornn know that Atma is a descendent of his friends the Hearthbloods. Ornn ends up saving Atma's life and replaces his now brittle spine with the Kanabo. Ornn teaches Atma how to wield his Kanabo saying that only a truly courageous person can unsheath it. And so Atma trains with Ornn to one day get his revemge against Sejuani and the Winter's Claw. But he is still a coward at heart, so this journey will be very difficult.

Kit:

Please assume the numbers are balanced, thank you🙏 Also, reminder that Brittle is a status effect that reduces tenacity by 30%.
Shared Kit 
Innate: Inextinguishable Flame of Agnisha
  • Atma has 2 Forms (Brittle Form and Forged Form) with their own set of unique abilities with unique cooldowns. Atma spawns and respawns in his Brittle Form.
Innate: Unrelenting Backbone
  • Atma generates Backbone as his secondary resource, generating 10 Backbone whenever he deals or receives damage (doubled against champions). While at 100 Backbone, Atma's next ability cast will make Atma switch to his Forged Form and cast. While in his Forged Form or upon exiting combat for 5 seconds, Atma loses 20 Backbone per second. Upon reaching 0 backbone he reverts back to Brittle Form.
  • Atma gains Tenacity based on his current Backbone, regardless of Form.
Tenacity: 4%/5%/6%/7% per 10 Backbone @ lvls 1/6/11/16
Brittle Form Kit: 
Innate: Brittle Backbone
  • Atma is permanently Brittle and his damaging abilities apply Brittle to enemies for 3 seconds. Atma's attack range is 550.
Q: Coughing Fit
  • Active: Atma enters a fit of coughs, coughing 3 times over 1 second, firing an orb of hot smoke in a line with each cough. Each orb stops upon colliding with the first enemy hit, dealing physical damage.
  • Each consecutive cough deals 25% less damage and has less range. Enemies hit by 2 orbs are slowed for 1 second, enemies hit by 3 orbs are rooted for 1 second instead.
Note: Dance of the Frail can be cast during this ability.
Physical Damage: 50/75/100/125/150 (+60% AD) Cooldown: 10/9/8/7/6 seconds Range: 900 (reduced by 300 range for each consecutive cough)
W: Choke n' Smoke
  • Active: Atma gasps, quickly inhaling over the cast time. Afterwards, Atma suddenly coughs spewing a cone of hot smoke dealing physical damage to enemies it passes through.
  • The smoke remains for 2 seconds, covering a circular area over time and granting Atma stealth while within it. Enemy champions have obscured vision of Atma while they are also within the smoke.
Physical Damage: 80/120/160/200/240 Cooldown: 18/16/14/12/10 Radius: 300
E: Dance of the Frail
This ability's active effect will only be successfully cast if an enemy unit or enemy ability-projectile is within Atma's proximity range at the time of the cast. Otherwise this ability will fail and go on cooldown.
  • Passive: Atma gains 20 Backbone whenever he dodges an enemy ability-projectile within his proximity range.
  • Active: Atma fears himself for 0.5 seconds moving in the target direction, setting his movement speed to 1200 during the fear duration.
  • Atma's fear will end prematurely if he would walk into another enemy unit during the fear duration. When this occurs, this ability's cooldown is reset.
Note: Since Atma has decreased Tenacity in this form (brittle), the fear duration will actually be a bit longer than 0.5 seconds while his Backbone is low.
Cooldown: 10 Seconds Proximity Range: 220/240/260/280/300
R: Coward's Hesitation
No active in this form.
Forged Form Kit: 
Innate: Reforged Backbone
  • When Atma or a nearby ally immobilize a Brittled enemy champion, the immobilizer steals a % of their armor and magic resist. Afterwards, the enemy champion is marked as Shattered for 4 seconds. Atma heals himself for a % of the post-mitigation damage he deals to shattered enemy champions.
  • Atma's Kanabo Swing and basic attacks against Brittled enemies pull them slightly towards Atma (like Ornn mini-knockback but mini-pull instead).
Armo MR Steal: 5%/6%/7%/8% @ lvls 1/6/11/16
Shattered Heal: 20%/25%/30%/35% @ lvls 1/6/11/16
Q: Tenacious Sweep
  • Active: Atma winds up for a swing over the cast time, then he swings his Kanabo from right to left covering a half-circle in front of him. Enemies in the outer edge are dealt 20% increased damage. Brittled or Shattered enemies are pulled slightly towards Atma.
Physical Damage: 60/90/120/150/180 (100% AD) Cooldown: 4 seconds
W: Inner Flame Cultivation
  • Active: Kanabo slows himself by 20% as he charges for a minimum of 1 second and up to 2 seconds. During the charge duration, Atma gains displacement immunity, generates 20 Backbone every second, and stores 100% of all post-mitigation damage he receives as Inner Flame.
  • Recast: Kanabo spins in place exhaling a torrent of Forgefire in a small circle around him which deals physical damage. Afterwards, Kanabo heals himself for a % of the stored Inner Flame.
Physical Damage: 100/130/160/190/220 (increased by % of current backbone)(+70% AD) Heal: 40%/45%/50%/55%/60% of stored Inner Flame Cooldown: 20/18/16/14/12 seconds
E: Berserker Rush
  • Passive: Atma gains 10 Backbone each time he kills a unit, quadrupled against champions.
  • Active: Atma berserks himself for 0.5 seconds moving towards a target enemy unit, setting his movement speed to 1200 during the berserk duration. If Atma would get in proximity range of the target during the berserk duration, this ability can be recast as Kanabo Smash to end the berserk duration.
  • Kanabo Smash: Atma slams his Kanabo straight down in front of him dealing physical damage. Brittled or Shattered enemies hit by the Kanabo are also stunned for 1 second.
Note: Since Atma has increased Tenacity in this form, the duration will be even shorter than 0.5 seconds basically making it a very short dash while his Backbone is high, but making it a short dash when his backbone is very low.
Physical Damage: 80/110/140/170/200 (+50% AD) Cooldown: 10 seconds Proximity Range: 220/240/260/280/300
R: Horn of the Ram Spirit
  • Active: Atma inhales over the cast time gaining displacement immunity, focusing Forgefire at the tip of his Kanabo, making it take the shape of a Ram's Horn.
  • Atma thrusts forward with his Kanabo applying brittle to the first enemy for 3 seconds and dealing physical damage to them over the brittle duration. The tip of the Kanabo will drag the colliding enemy over the thrust. If the enemy would collide with a wall during the thrust, they are stunned for 1 second.
  • If used at 100 Backbone, Atma will dash a short distance during the thrust.
Note: If the enemy would Shatter during the brittle duration, the damage is increased by 30% and is dealt instantly. Afterwards, Atma generates 40 Backbone.
Physical Damage: 150/250/350 (+100% AD) Thrust Range: 300 Dash Range: 300 Cooldown: 75/60/45 seconds
Thank you for taking the time to read this concept. Any and all questions and feedback welcome!
  • maGeDNA
submitted by Abject_Plantain1696 to LoLChampConcepts [link] [comments]


2024.05.22 01:33 Fair-Parfait-8682 CFA Charterholder and Looking for good opportunities

Hi All,
It's been around 7 months since I have been actively looking for jobs in Investment Management. Received 7 interviews from different firms all within Canada either on the East Coast with a few on the West Coast. My experience after starting this program in 2018 while working at an investment dealer is quite overwhelming. I gained an intense amount of understanding, knowledge and application from the program which I am very thankful for. I did alot of other courses to develop a skillset for the workplace. Sometimes I feel quite burntout as I am 29 yo, Have been studying at a higher level basically since 18. Have no girlfriend as I chose to equip myself with the knowledge which will be useful to my future career. But all in all, the last 4 years have been pretty terrifying, from the start of the pandemic to the Russia/Ukraine situation which impact's products globally and job markets. I was under the impression that having the CFA demonstrates to an employer that this person has good technical skills, is extremely focused and passionate about investment management and would like to pursue a career within this field long-term. At the interviews, most of the people who interview me are either in their 50s - CIO's, MD's or for Corp/Finance, M&A roles younger than me 27-28 with no CFA. It feels quite discouraging at times when HR professionals for their first round downplay me and have no idea what the CFA is other than just a normal certificate like CSC. My technicals and behaviourals are pretty good and I always wonder why i don't receive 3rd round interviews. Also, I was under the impression that investment firms for someone with 5-6 years or good experience pay over $150K for a charterholder. But, it's becoming difficult in Canada to negotiate as most employers don't come back to you or come back saying you are not chosen without any specific details as to why is that? But, you know that they are quoting a salary of 80-90K which btw is not a good salary for a charterholder, and with the cost of living being so high in the country, how does someone even save over $20K a year. How do you buy a nice place when the cost is close to $1 million for a good 2 BR den? You can't even take a couple international vacations and be comfortable with that kinda savings. Not sure what is going on in the job market for Finance in Canada. Maybe you guys can shed some insight into the process. Time just flies by and you tend to get demotivated just by the amt of hard work being put in not correlating with the compensation in the near future. Thanks for listening.
Yours truly,
Friendly CFA charterholder
submitted by Fair-Parfait-8682 to CFA [link] [comments]


2024.05.22 01:24 thesayke PSA: Palestinian-ism is a fascist ideology. Biden not embracing it shouldn't be surprising. Here's why

Fascism has a number of essential characteristics but the most distinct is palingenetic ultranationalism: The myth that the nation is an organic body composed of a downtrodden but authentic "common people" who have been betrayed, victimized, and derived of land and money by out-groups (especially Jews, LGBT folks, immigrants, and liberals), and the nation must be reborn and grown larger, phoenix-like, from the ashes of its downtrodden state through the cleansing fire of violence against those out-groups and their allies (especially their allies among the "common people") and the seizure of their land and property, regardless of how many "common people" must be sacrificed in this process of violent "purification"
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Palingenetic_ultranationalism
Palestinian nationalism has all these definitional features. Its central myth is that "the Palestinians" (whose language, Arabic, lacks the letter P) have been betrayed, oppressed, and deprived of their land and money by Jews, and "Palestine" must be reborn and grown larger, phoenix-like, from the ashes of its current corrupt theocracy through the cleansing fire of violence against Jews, LGBT people, and liberals (especially liberal Arabs who believe in co-existence with Jews and LGBT people), and all those who support them, regardless of how many human shields, child soldiers, and hospitals with bunkers underneath them must be sacrificed in this process of purification
This Palestinian ideological mythos entirely reverses victim and perpetrator
In the real world, there is an extensive and well corroborated archeological record (starting with the Merneptah Stele) showing the continuous residence of the indigenous Jewish inhabitants in the land between the river and the sea, but that Stele alone independently establishes their presence for at least the last 3200 years
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Merneptah_Stele
In contrast, the Arab-Israeli conflict started relatively recently, with the battle of Tel Hal on March 1st 1920, when an Arab militia attacked the Jewish-owned farms at Tel Hal in an attempt to find French soldiers, eventually burning it to the ground. Prior to that there was no organized violence between Arabs and Israelis in the region:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Battle_of_Tel_Hai
The next incident in the Arab-Israel conflict was the Nebi Musa riots a month later, on April 8th 1920, when Amin al-Husayni (who later allied with the Nazis and was a big fan of Hitler) gave an incendiary speech from the balcony of the Arab Club, kicking off what resulted in an Muslim mob of around 60,000 ransacking of the Jewish quarter of Jerusalem:
https://www.palquest.org/en/historictext/6709/palin-commission-report
That's what started the war. It started with Arab people committing mob violence against Jewish people and that has never stopped to this day. Genocide is what Nazi and Communist-inspired Arab mobs and armies have repeatedly tried to do to the indigenous Jewish people of the land between the river and the sea, starting from the 1920 Nebi Musa riots, and continuing on through 1948, 1967, 1973, 1982, 1987, 2000, and most recently on October 7th
They keep trying to eradicate Jewish people off the land their ancestors lived in continuously for thousands of years, they keep getting their asses kicked every time they try it, and they deserve it every time they do
This makes sense when you understand the history of the region, and how Arab-ness was imposed by force (along with Islam) by multiple relatively historically recent waves of conquering Muslim settler-colonists
The Ottoman Empire was the culmination of those waves of Muslim settler-colonists, and after World War I it collapsed and in much of the Middle East was followed by Pan-Arab nationalism, which was a remarkably Nazi project. The founder of modern Palestinian religious nationalism (Amin al Husseini) was a close ally and personal friend of Hitler
https://time.com/4084301/hitler-grand-mufi-1941/
https://www.timesofisrael.com/full-official-record-what-the-mufti-said-to-hitle
After waging and escalating series of genocidal pogroms against the indigenous Jewish people (culminating in their alliance with the Nazis in World War II) and getting their asses kicked, Palestinian nationalism (as distinct from pan-Arab nationalism) emerged a fundamentally Soviet project
That is not an exaggeration. 100 years ago most people in the region defined themselves as Ottoman, by their village, or by their religion. Arab nationalism is a relatively new socially constructed weapon, made up by unambiguous fascists (like Sati Al-Husri, Abdulrahman Badawi, and Amin al-Husseini) and communists (like Fawaz Taraboulsi or Suhayl Idris) to mobilize hate against and justify the murder of their imperfect but much more reasonable democratic enemies (who also happened by the enemies of the Nazis and Soviets)
https://www.tabletmag.com/sections/israel-middle-east/articles/liberation-arabs-global-left
Palestinian nationalism, as opposed to Arab nationalism, was created by the KGB after the repeated defeats of the USSR's Arab-nationalist proxies in 1948 and 1967. The blueprint for the PLO Charter was drafted in Moscow in 1964 and was approved by 422 Palestinian representatives hand-selected by the KGB. At that time, the USSR was in the business of creating "people’s liberation" fronts. The KGB founded the PLO as well as the National Liberation Army of Bolivia in 1964 led by Ernesto "Che" Guevara, and the National Liberation Army of Colombia in 1965
The “Palestinian Liberation Army” was contrived by the KGB, much like the KGB devised the Bolivian National Liberation Army, Greek People's Liberation Army, Malayan National Liberation Army, etc etc. It created this Arab army in the early 1960s following the failure of the troops of various Soviet-puppet-ruled Arab states to destroy Israel. The KGB drafted the Palestinian National Charter and handpicked the 422 members of the PLO council that approved it. As the KGB's director said at the time, "We needed to instill a Nazi-style hatred for the Jews throughout the Islamic world, and to turn this weapon of the emotions into a terrorist bloodbath against Israel". Likewise, both the Palestine National Covenant and Palestinian Constitution were drafted in Moscow
https://stanfordreview.org/deception-palestinian-nationalism/
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Soviet_involvement_in_regime_change
The most popular Palestinian faction currently, Hamas, pointedly opposes multi-ethnic pluralistic democracy. That's what Israel already is and they hate it. Hamas also explicitly opposes a two-state solution, wants to expel and murder Jews, and impose an Islamic theocracy by force
The founding covenant of Hamas, which they created their terrorist organization around in 1988, opens with a message that precisely encapsulates Hamas’s master plan. Quoting Hassan al-Banna, the Egyptian founder of the Muslim Brotherhood, of which Hamas is a constituent member (Article 2), the document proclaims, “Israel will exist and will continue to exist until Islam will obliterate it, just as it obliterated others before it.”
After some general explanatory language about Hamas’s religious foundation and noble intentions, the covenant comes to the Islamic Resistance Movement’s raison d’être: the slaughter of Jews. “The Day of Judgement will not come about,” it proclaims, “until Moslems fight the Jews, when the Jew will hide behind stones and trees. The stones and trees will say O Moslems, O Abdulla, there is a Jew behind me, come and k-ll him.”
Article 11 spells out why this annihilation of Jews is required. Palestine is described as an “Islamic Waqf”—an endowment predicated on Muslim religious, education, or charitable principles and therefore inviolate to any other peoples or religions. Accordingly, the territory that now encompasses Israel, Gaza, and the West Bank is:
consecrated for future Moslem generations until Judgement Day. It, or any part of it, should not be squandered: it, or any part of it, should not be given up … This Waqf remains as long as earth and heaven remain. Any procedure in contradiction to Islamic Sharia, where Palestine is concerned, is null and void.
In sum, any compromise over this land, including the moribund two-state solution, much less coexistence among faiths and peoples, is forbidden.
https://web.archive.org/web/20231010215457/https://www.theatlantic.com/international/archive/2023/10/hamas-covenant-israel-attack-war-genocide/675602/
And Hamas has the support of somewhere between 65-80% of the Palestinian people
https://www.awrad.org/en/article/10719/Wartime-Poll-Results-of-an-Opinion-Poll-Among-Palestinians-in-the-West-Bank-and-Gaza-Strip
To understand the Palestinian strategy in this latest phase of their forever war, see here:
How Hamas Uses Civilians as a Weapon - The Dark Side of Clausewitzian War
https://deadcarl.substack.com/p/how-hamas-uses-civilians-as-a-weapon
Both Palestinian leadership and street have repeatedly acting as willing pawns, first of the Nazis, then of the Soviets, and now of the contemporary fascist Axis that includes Russia, China, and Iran. The historical Palestinian embrace of Nazi, Soviet, Islamist, and modern Axis fascism (and their rejection of democracy and equal rights) only makes their rationale for doing do so, and the nature of their project, more clear
In this context, Biden's support for Israel should not be surprising. Palestinian-ism is fascist, and everyone who understands and opposes fascism should oppose it
submitted by thesayke to conservativeterrorism [link] [comments]


2024.05.22 01:16 SnackPatrol After ~3 months of adding/testing literally every community server that seemed even remotely decent (<150 ping), & ~1 week curating & formatting this post, I believe I have a solid list, w/ descriptions, of the best ones (they're active don't worry). Will update as needed (NA mainly- May 2024)

Last updated 5/21/24 (Any updated servers at bottom)
Anyone stumbling upon this: About 3 months ago I literally went through every single community server, empty/full/whatever, and added any that sounded interesting, and didn't have crazy ping to Favorites (My region is Northeast US (NJ), FYI). I repeated the process twice. There are still a bunch of good ones out there (I've also had many solid ones in my favs for quite some time) I don't know if anyone cares but been around since Beta & have run a server before.
For reference:

Scroll down a few lines to my "To keep it simple..." header for the best ones. The following link is a much fuller list:

Full server list: https://i.imgur.com/qY2gCH9.png

To keep it simple, I think the best ones right now (for me are):

tiny kitty's girl pound - friendly community, runs really solid, nice-looking custom maps, Meme Maps Wednesday is a blast, always has people in it, just be wary of nsfw furry sprays (yeah I know...put cl_spraydisable 1 in console to disable)
1st server: 74.91.115.12:27015 2nd server: 74.91.113.115:27015
OPRAH's PETROL STATION - Friendly community, always has people in it, no goofy Instant Respawn which has no place in payload yet half of all community server owners see fit to do that, pre-round scramble
108.181.63.51:27015
-EOTL- Payload - same deal
74.91.114.223:27015
redsun.tf - This community is the poster child for tastefully modded custom game modes, and is very active. It's very well maintained & polished and even though I may not enjoy every game mode I've been very impressed by this server network (esp. as a former highly-modded community server owner). The EU one fills up most of the time, and I deal with the ping because it's a cool community (it even runs a Battle Royale mode that is surprisingly well-made). Their server "shop" is extremely impressive with the amount of customization available (Taunts, player skins, custom voicelines). I'd recommend downloading their asset pack here as it's fairly sizeable to DL upon server connect:
EU (actually gets players): 141.95.28.56:27015 US: 66.206.13.139:27015
Trigger Happy Gamers (EU) - Trigger Happy Gamers have been around forever and even though they are in the UK I deal with the ping to play with them because they are an awesome, fun, friendly community. Their main server gets reliably full from around 1 PM - 3 PM EST every day, and on the weekends a little longer. Their Nocrits server also gets full Saturday
main: 87.98.254.85:27015 Nocrits (gets full Saturdays @ 1 PM - 2 PM): 87.98.254.85:27025
Fucked in the Head - Another community that has been around forever. To be honest, they have equal respawn on Red & Blu, even for Payload, which I hate with a searing passion, HOWEVER, the regulars are entertaining af and give off vibes of drunk buddies goofing off and not giving a fuck that it almost offsets it. It's also decently populated.
216.52.148.223:27015
Skial Payload & Casual servers * - I never got the hate for this server network, decent spawn times, Halloween mode year round, no power tripping admins, feels like a bunch of randoms having a good time. You can also equip any weapon or cosmetic. The Payload+ EU in particular has some really chill/cool regulars, Dustbowl+ US some interesting/funny peeps. Payload US generally decent also. Their Autoscramble is also on point.
Payload+ EU 91.216.250.226:27015 Payload+ US 91.216.250.11:27015 Dustbowl+ US * (has become very stack-prone lately) 91.216.250.12:27015 ~~~~~
~Trying to get the word out that unlike their other servers, Casual is very barebones- no Instant Respawn, no RTD, normal map pool:
Casual NY 91.216.250.34:27015 Casual US 91.216.250.40:27015 Casual LA 91.216.250.21:27015 ~~~~~ Harvest (32-pl), also: 91.216.250.18:27015 ~~~~~
If you are super super new, their server network might be worth checking out, even if RTD, 2fort & other weird mods aren't my cup of tea: https://www.skial.com/servers/
Uncletopia - Pretty standard Casual experience except the skill level is generally higher, though it seems to be evening out honestly. And tbh from my experience people in these servers seem pretty cool. If you're looking for Vanilla I'd say this is your best bet.
https://uncletopia.com/servers
Southern Cross Gaming (Rainbow Swirl in particular) - Stumbled across this & played 1 round with these guys running a cool custom mode but apparently they run stock maps as well as custom maps/game modes. Their rules had a huge emphasis on keeping it fun & being respectful and everyone seemed really cool & laidback. It was full at peak time on the weekend. They also have other servers, even in other games & seem to have been around awhile:
IP: furfortress.com:27016 Site: https://www.scg.wtf/servers#team_fortress_2
ciggyland 18+ LGBT+ Furry server run by puppygirls
Funny, chill vibes, lots of custom maps. Seems to get full around peak time. Another diamond in the rough I discovered recently.
74.91.115.82:27015
Bad Weapon Rehabilitation (Vanilla US)
A really solid rebalancing of all weapons in-game. Nothing really feels overpowered or underpowered anymore, also fun things like flames stay on surfaces & I think spy or engy can radar enemies within a few feet or something to his team? It's really fun and gets full. Here's the site with IPs and stuff (The US server gets full around peak time, esp. on weekends)
(Yes this is the website): http://74.91.126.159/
redstar.gg - Arena server, the owner ComradeYazoo seems pretty dedicated to starting it up and I hop in whenever I can. Believe it or not it's still very fun with little people but it's gotten pretty packed a couple times. It also has like every good custom arena map, and scrambles if a team wins 3 in a row. North America I believe.
204.12.240.186:27015
Step in the Arena - Another Arena server I see get randomly populated on Saturday into Sundays around 11 P.M. - 2 A.M. EST. Probably missing a Discord announcement or something from a group of buddies.
172.240.237.2:27015
The Furry Pound - Some people list this one as one of the best non-UT for Vanilla TF2, however the one time I decided to give it a try I was met with some weird overly dramatic BS happening in Voice chat, and I heard someone else give a similar criticism the other day here. BUT, I've also seen people say they're ok. Might depend on what players/admins are on maybe, IDK:
Main server: thefurrypound.org:27015
shounic trenches (100-player TF2) - This goes against everything in my being but it's so unique and while not my cup of tea it's definitely a bunch of others'. Some maps such as pl_dbz_b5 & pl_dustbowl were created for this player count & people seem to have a lot of fun there. Again, I think 100 players is too much but I can't argue with how popular it is.
45.62.160.71:27015
UGC High Tower servers - They run no carts, so it's the TDM High Tower everyone's always dreamed of. They also run Instant Respawn and on any other map I hate that setting with a searing passion but because it's reworked as TDM I feel it actually improves the gameplay (put "high tower" including the space, and without quotes in the search box for a list of 'em in the following link):
https://www.ugc-gaming.net/servers/tf2/
UGC also runs other servers which I cannot vouch for but might be worth looking into.
Tropic Crisis Official Servers (NA, SA, EU)
These are the official servers for the Tropic Crisis project which is very very cool. I looked up their stats and most get full around standard peak hours.
Atlanta 155.138.213.202:27015 São Paulo 216.238.106.29:27015 Minsk 86.57.152.101:27025 Buenos Ares 45.235.99.105:27038
UEAKCrash's House of Nerds - official server of the mapmaker responsible for several very fun official maps. Runs a lot of very cool custom maps, Gets full on Fri, Sat night (must have a Discord/Twitch announcement I'd assume).
74.91.124.162:27015
Wolves Den - I'm going to make an exception to the "no "friendly"/non-combat server" thing (even though people seem down for combat ~50% of the time) because everyone just always seems to be having fun here. If you want to just screw around on interesting trade-type maps this is the place. Plus they have hilarious custom player models like velociraptors. (Has RTD)
162.248.92.33:27015
Samwiz1's Stupid Server - Another server I feel obligated to mention despite feeling like it's too much personally. Very goofy and people seem to have fun there.
173.237.52.135:27015
Swoocehut 2024 Workshop - Seems to be tied to a Discord as far as getting full, but runs a lot of custom maps apparently:
149.28.248.101:27015 Discord: https://swoocehut.com/discord Map rotation: https://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=2802508136
swagtown epic maps only no random crits 18+ - Suggested by someone on Steam Discussions. Looks alright- seems tied to a Discord as far as getting players, but got full last Tuesday @ standard peak hours. Looks like it runs stock & custom maps.
79.127.234.193:22136 Discord: [https://discord.gg/DTH3sMWsH8](discord.gg/DTH3sMWsH8)
TF2's Official VS Saxton Hale LOOS - 'Nuff said. Very laidback goofy atmosphere.
205.178.177.24:27027
GFL Clan (maybe???) - Someone said these guys are chill too, though I hate 2fort with a passion:
https://gflclan.com/forum/26-team-fortress-2/
Kogasatopia if you're desperate. They run some really fun mods, and solid (especially good gimmicky) custom maps, but their community is 4chan edgelords that like to say racial slurs. However their server is almost always full of people. Again, if you're truly desperate. Just mute chat & voice I guess by entering this in console (replace with 1's to re-enable)- hud_saytext_time 0;voice_enable 0
74.91.116.171:27015
The Weeabootique if you're desperate. Pretty much the same description as above. Mute chat & voice by entering this in console (replace with 1's to re-enable)- hud_saytext_time 0;voice_enable 0
198.245.61.57:27015
Custom Weapons servers (including a guide to the best one via TF2Classic)
More Arena Servers
pic of a dog
submitted by SnackPatrol to tf2 [link] [comments]


2024.05.22 01:16 ThrowRA-inneedofhelp I (19M) am very worried about if my gf (20F) is cheating on me, is there a way I can deal with it?

You can skip a lot of stuff here if you don't want a lot of details I am writing as much details as I can to make sure that whoever needs details can get them more easily, if there are details about anything you want to ask me about just ask.
So me and my gf are in a long distance relationship, we have been together for over a year and she trusts me a lot to the point that she doesn't mind telling me very private stuff about herself, but lately(nearly 18 days) she doesn't text me at all while I send her messages every day and night, sometimes at random times too, so it makes me worried for her wellbeing, or if she is ghosting me for another like a some of my ex gfs did to me, and my gf is attractive I know that well because some of my friends saw a picture of her on my phone, ehile i am below average in looks at best, I am 5'8 so average in height was a bit on the muscular side when we started dating but I lost slot of muscles due to inflation making me not able to afford enough protein without having to cut off on other stuff, my family is well off, while she is pretty much someone out of my league all that I said above about myself but better except the height I am just a bit taller than her she isn't extroverted but she has a lot of friends both girls and guys which I think you can see where I am going, makes me feel like she will cheat on me one day with a guy friend of her's since allot of them have better looks, taller, more muscular, etc, and I have a fear that someone will steal her from me, then I will have nothing after that, she is the most important person to me in the world, and no my parents or siblings aren't important to me since they pretty much make my life hell and full of problems but that is something for another time, anyways no I can't tell her to stop having male friends because that would make it double standards because I have female friends but I am only friends with them to understand more about what girls like and one of them pretty much helps me with writing poetry for my gf.
I guess what I wrote is enough if somehow you want more details about anything just ask me and I will answer asap, I need advice on what to do, if it is a way to make sure my worries go away or a way for me to stop thinking about it.
submitted by ThrowRA-inneedofhelp to relationship_advice [link] [comments]


2024.05.22 01:13 adamAlexanderGreen Young Avengers will be a Entanglement Movie

Young Avengers film formed by Kamala Khan & Lead by Kate Bishop, will bring together the Young Avengers via Quantum Entanglement.
First seen in The Marvels, where they are Entangled by thier light based powers. connection to Kree based teleportation devices such as the Bangles and the Infinity Stones themselves. Quantum entanglement key element is transportation. Transportation will be the key to the Film, as it is a theme of the Multiverse Saga in general.
The Movie will see Kamala once again being in an entanglement scenario, where a Time traveling Nathinel Richards arrives in Kate’s Pad and warns the teens about Kang’s invasion onto the multiverse. As he was searching for the Avengers in other timelines, but his Armors Temporal pad malfunction after a Kang Fight and lead him to Kamala & Kate’s timeline.
Ironlad is also a teenager, but feels like Kamala isn’t ready for the responsibilities to help save his world. Ironlad attempts to time jump to another universe but actually transports Kamala and Kate to San Francisco in the same timeline. In need to fix his temp pad, he asks where is Tony Stark. Kamala informs him that he died in Endgame. Kate tells him that her parents own a Security company and both of thier partners are Avengers. The girls reach for thier phones, but they left them back in New York. Kamala goes asking people to borrow thier iPhones so she can call Carol Danvers. But Hawkeye and Carol don’t answer. Kate tells them they can try to go find Scott Lang. IronLad is arrogant and doesn’t need the kids help to find a hero, Kamala grabs him before he can fly off. To test thier power he begins a fight with them in the middle of the city.
Kate quickly hits him with a emp arrow, but IronLad advanced armor reboots itself. Kamala uses her newly improved Embiggen powers to protect civilians and stall IronLad. Kate uses several trick arrows in coordination with Kamala and they manage to remove his helmet. (The actor that played Harley Keener Ironman 3) reveals his face, and stops fighting once Antman intervenes. Kate, Kamala, & Cassie meet for the first time at Scott Lang’s lab as they interrogate Ironlad about the validity to his warnings about Kang.
Scott is traumatized that he didn’t actually defeat Kang, and tells the kids that he will buy them a flight back home and to let the adults handle this situation. Kamala ask Cassie what’s it like to have a superhero dad. Even tho her’s is human, Kamala thinks her family is as much of heroes as the Avengers. Cassie & Kate realize their favorite color is purple. Ironlad gets bored of the bonding, and doesn’t think Antman is up to the challenge of helping him. He begins to start his temp pad, but realizes that high quantum frequencies are being detected by his armor. Ironlad demands Scott use his science to help rebuild his pad. For Quantum is the basis to his tech as well. Antman tries to reason with him, but ironlad describes the eradication on his world. Antman and Ironlad begin to fight for access to the basement of his home. Cassie and Scott shrink, while Kamala & Kate try to fight and reason with him. The team crashes into the basement, where ironlad races to the focal point of quantum in the room. Picking up the device that sent the Pym family into the Quantum realm in Quantumania. Ironlad’s nanotech absorbs the device and the temp pad starts to activate. Scott gets serious and starts to enlarge, but Ironlad blasts him back upstairs. The kids all shift and are transported to Westview New Jersey.
They all start having a screaming match, as Cassie is furious that he shot her dad. Kamala tries to calm the team down, but it’s Kate Bishop who makes everyone shut up with a puzzle arrow. This arrow expand an entire acre of land with Purple lasers. She explains it’s a game, that you have to work together or you’ll burn. Cassie laughs and shrinks, ironlad armor is tough enough to not be phased, Kamala has to actually maneuver around to escape the maze of lasers. Kate shows her reflexes and experience by doing flips and evading the laser beams.They all laugh realizing Cassie and Ironlad cheat. As tension dwindles, ironlad explains why he is so serious. That in his future he is a genius prodigy, and learn about the existence of the multiverse in a dream as a kid. Then a week ago Kang invaded his world and eradicated a majority of human life, and took away knowledge and education rights to the slaves of his world. The teens tell thier experience during the blip and how it took away thier own youth, and that’s why the Avengers are an important symbol of hope for them. Kamala starts to fangirl about Carol, Hawkeye, and Ironman… but is stop by Agatha.
Agatha says she saw the kids in her crystal ball, and is aware of the Kang Situation. Using magic to transport them into her suburban home. IronLad is confused why a witch is helping them. Cassie & Kate both keep thier guards up, but hear her out. Agatha tells them that they are on a children’s Crusade, but she can help them all get back home. Ironlad interjects, he needs heros that are competent and ready for war. Agatha uses magic to upgrade thier outfit, then tells them her step son should be home from school soon. Ironlad is tired of waiting as the girls continue to bond and learn more about their abilities. He doubts Billy/Wiccan is as powerful as Agatha claims, and ask why won’t she just use her magic to fight Kang. Agatha says that’s not her role. Billy enters awkwardly, wondering why all these teens are in his house. Kamala ask just how powerful is he, and he simply says he can do whatever he wants.
IronLad test him, and fires a rocket. Wiccan makes it turn into a headband. Picking it up and wearing it, he repeats he can do whatever he wants. Agatha, ask what exactly is Ironlads plan to stop Kang since his Quantum enhanced temp pad can teleport but still can’t take him home. Ironlad says he just needs more power, and rushes Wiccan. Sending his armor to liquidity and consume the sorcerer. Wiccan force pushes back and as they struggle for control, the temp pad activates and sends the group to a new Location; Kahmer Tajh.
Agatha makes fun of the monastery architecture and compares it to her home. Only Kamala & Agatha know this is the home of the sorcerer supreme. Wiccan and Ironlad argue over the consent of letting him suck his energy. And the girls grow more wary of how much they can trust ironlad. Agatha tells them they can find power in teamwork, and disappears into the castle. Kate & Kamala breaks the team into groups. To find Wong or other sorcerers that can help thier fight against the Kang invasion. Wiccan follow where Agatha went. Kate & Cassie search the for more weapons and gear. Kamala and ironlad find Wong & America Chavez.
The 2nd half of the movie has the group coming to face thier teenage fears, as the castle has a horror hex. Ironlad is too afraid to time jump, as memories from his home being overran by Kang haunts him. Wiccan and Agatha are immune to castles spells, as they are magical in tune, however they can’t use thier magic to its fullest extent due to the runes places around the Thaj that prohibits forbidden spells. Wong meets Kamala and tells the young avengers that he didn’t put the horror hex on. There is a Skrull sorcerer in the castle doing this. Kate finds an Asgardian bow and arrows, and takes it for “emergency”. Cassie tells her she is a criminal too, and jokes she spent a day in Jail. Ironlad finds the skrull sorcerer, under stress from the truama spell he is getting beat in the fight. But Wiccan arrives and they team up to defeat him. With a massive display of science meets magic, the young avengers put thier animosity behind them and regroup with Kamala and Wong. Wong is then impaled by a spear by Agatha. Wong’s skin turns Green and it’s revealed he is a skrull too.
America Chavez is distraught, and prepares to fight all the young avengers as she don’t know who to trust. Kamala relates to her humanity, and proves she is just a kid too. She tells her to help them fight off the other skrulls that may be in the castle. Agatha and Wiccan use thier magic sight to determine who is a skrull and who is a real sorcerer. The young Avengers fight off the skrulls, and learn America Chavez can travel the multiverse freely. IronLad sends his armor around her, but she punches and the star impact sends them to Baltimore, USA. The result sends all the hero’s and the Skrulls they were fighting as well.
Inside the Bradley home, Eli is playing video games when the hero’s instantly appear in his house. This sequence is shot from his perspective, as if it’s a home invasion. He runs for his granfathers room, to get his gun. But the safe is only full of a vials of Serum. A skrull breaks into the room and swings an axe at him. He ducks, and drinks the serum. He takes a diluted version of the serum as a hormone and steroid boost, but he never drank the original source of his grandfather saved juiced. He punches the Skrull so hard that his guts explode. Eli runs into the living room ready to box, but see’s the young avengers beating up the Skrulls. Shrugging his shoulders he jumps in and helps.
The team see’s how Brutal he fights and Ironlad likes him. Kamala says they can’t just recruit every teen they see, but looks closer and realizes she seen him on tv. He is the grandson of the first black super soldier, revealed in Captain America Brave new world where they were wrongfully accused of a terrorist attack at the White House. He explains that he has actually been taking his grandfather’s serum and synthesizing it for a hormone steroid supplement. But today he drank the original source out of fear for his life. Making him 10x stronger than he has ever been on the drug. Agatha has a funny don’t don’t drugs PSA, as the kids formulate a way on how to repay Eli for his housing damages. We learn his grandfather is still on trail, and he lives alone. Kate gets everyon back on focus and tells them maybe they can’t help ironlad. They have destroyed homes & Castles today and she needs to get back home to feed her dog Lucky. Kate makes a PowerPoint presentation on how to get ironlad out of their lives, and get Captain Marvel. Ironlad becomes more interested in Carol after Kamala keeps hyping her up to be the strongest avenger of all. Wiccan & Agatha use magic to fix the house as the hero’s finally contact Fury and the whereabouts of Captain Marvel. Fury asks why the hell didn’t she just call him to begin with. Kamala didn’t want to get in trouble for stealing the intel about all these characters
The final act has Kamala & Kate using each hero’s best quality to get Ironlad back to his world, and deflate the Kang dictator in his timeline. Kamala nicknames them Team Red & Team Blue after Captain America & Ironman and Team Purple after Hawkeye since he Don’t get much love.
Team Red; Ms. Marvel, America Team Blue; Wiccan, Eli, Team Purple; Kate Bishop, Cassie, Agatha
America Chavez punches 2 Star portals, one to ironlads homeworld and another to the location fury tells them Carol is. They all wear a harness rope that Kate gives them so they don’t get lost in the multiverse jump. America isn’t sure she can send so may people at once into a diffrent timeline, but Cassie uses her quantum shrinking disk and ironlad’s tech to help keep them from all turning fall off and turning into spaghetti.
While they are preparing, Kamala meets Carol in a New York park and catches up. Ironlad watches them from behind the portal and says this must be what it’s like to have a true friend. Kamala tells Carol that if she keeps asking her for support then she wouldn’t be a hero. Carol gives her the 2nd Bangel and tells her just let her know if she needs backup. Ironlad is still hesitant that going into the fight against Kang with a bangel isn’t gonna do much. Kamala tells them she isn’t a normal human, she is inhuman.
And the team all suit up as the prepare to Jump into the Star. IronLad suddenly laughs and fires his rockets around the building. Knocking out America and collapsing the roof, and shoves Kamala into the future with him.
It’s assume all the young avengers and Agatha are crushed under debris. The perspective changes to Eli who has to save all the hero’s bleeding out or stuck. Eli saves them By bear crawling and dragging them out of the fires. America uses her last strength to send the heros into the future
Kamala fights IronLad alone in a future hala. Ironlad reveals that he is the Kang variant, and his master plan was to go to a past timeline where both bangles existed. These weapons of mass destruction are his way of fighting off other Kang’s tryin to conquer his conquered timeline, following the events of Loki. Due the branching timelines, not even the tva knew he was a variant of Kang since his biological DNA is that of a Reed Richards. Kamala is losing the fight, as Ironlad has one of the bangles and can temporarily stop time. He continues to toy with Kamala and steals her other bangle. Mocking her for playing hero, he kicks her off a platform and into a pit of terrain crystals. Kamala uses the last of her will to let out a furry of punches, cracking the crystals around her and filling the battlefield with mist. Kamala goes through terrgenises, turning into stone. Ironlad fires a missle at her, but ironlad blocks it with a shield formed by Wiccan
Kate Bishop arrives saying Young Avengers Assemble, all the Young Avngers exit America portal. Kate then says that ones for Kamala, and Cassie grows and begins the final fight. The team hold off the firepower of ironlad while Kamalas scales break off. Ironlad can combat Wiccan’s magic with the bangles, and uses time stop techniques to stay ahead of the gang. Kate shoots Cassie’s shrinking disk onto one of the bangles, crushing ironlads left arm. Wiccan uses kamala’s satchel scarf to drag ironlad like a whip. Eli uses his magic shield to block the repulsor blast, and Kate uses the Asgardian bow to pierce his Armor. Cassie uppercuts and shrinks rapidly as the team closes in to fight close quarters. Ironlad makes an energy shield then blows back them all, Kamala is awake and grabs his wrist from far away. Realizing she don’t have light energy anymore, but can stretch her body like Reed Richards. She slams him like hulk did in the original Avengers. Nathinel monoluges about how there will be more conquerors just like history. Tva agents appears, Mobius enters telling the heros thanks for fixing this slight anomaly they better return home or they will all be prune in seconds. IronLad vaporizes and the timeline is erased as the heros return home
The movie ends with Kamala having a to explain to the khan family the events of the film and who all her new friends are. They all are ready to return to thier respected homes, when fury enters and says he heard there was a secret invasion. A running joke about how fury is now last to know anything
Post credit 1: Jessica jones is taking on a private investigator case when she spots a teen couple in an alleyway. She comments that they must be runaways, she zooms in and it’s Cloak and Dagger. They teleport away
Post credit 2: on another planet the Skrull Queen is talking about the failed relations of Kree following Captain Marvel restarting the Hala Sun. The humans are no longer allies after the declaration of war against all allies the President made. She says maybe it’s time we fight back son; and the camera pans to Hulkling
The Young Avengers will return in Avenger’s Secrt Wars
submitted by adamAlexanderGreen to MCUTheories [link] [comments]


2024.05.22 01:02 Ur_Anemone Why was my face stolen for a dating profile?

Why was my face stolen for a dating profile?
When Mandy Appleyard discovered that her photograph was being used by a stranger online, she began a personal quest to find out how it had happened
…I was annoyed — but first things first. I would need to contact Match, explain the mess and have it investigate then report back: simple. Except that contacting Match as a non-subscriber was a challenge beyond my capabilities. I pored over the website. “Match does not have a customer support phone number … Please be aware that there are fake customer support numbers posted on various websites, none of which are affiliated with Match.” My blood was boiling by the time I read: “Profile checking: all ads and photos are checked individually before they are published.” What? My photos certainly hadn’t been checked or they wouldn’t have been published on a false profile for millions of people to see.
I asked my friend if he could message Clare5432 to tell her we were on to her. He kindly did so, but came back to me within minutes to say she had blocked him. “Would you contact Match then, and complain on my behalf?” I asked him. “Get them to take it down?” He did that, and Match took the profile down within hours. I assumed, naively, that was the end of the story…
Knowing my face had been used to create a bogus dating profile, I was irritated that someone had stolen my picture and at least part of my bio to sell themselves under false pretences. Terrible things happen on the internet, which from some angles looks like a cesspit of fraud, depravity and deception. What had happened to me wasn’t the crime of the century but it felt decidedly icky.
Things were about to get worse. In January another male friend phoned me to say he was on Match and had seen my profile on there. He knew I wasn’t online dating so he was immediately suspicious. I realised we were on familiar territory when he sent me a screenshot of “Wendy, 63, in Wakefield”. It was the image of me that had been used last time, with a profile that described an outdoorsy free spirit. My pal immediately contacted Match on my behalf and straight away it took the profile down.
When this happened for the third time, earlier this month, I was livid. A male friend of a friend said he’d been reading my profile on Match the night before and really liked it. “Great picture of you too,” he messaged. I told him I wasn’t on Match and asked him to send me a screenshot. He hasn’t — and now seems to have disappeared off the face of the earth. I can only assume “my” image and profile are still up there for the world to see and exploit.
So I now know that my identity has been stolen by online dating scammers at least three times, although it could be 1,003 times for all I know. I’m made aware of the theft only when someone I know happens to stumble across it and takes the trouble to alert me.
“Don’t you feel just a bit flattered that someone has used your picture? They must think you’re attractive to have bothered!” a friend suggested. The answer is that I don’t. No part of me is flattered, instead I find it deeply creepy. It feels like a trespass on my life, a theft over which I have no control, an invasion of my privacy that makes me feel queasy but which I can’t stop happening again. And again.
I posted on Facebook that I was looking for advice on how to close this fraud down once and for all, hoping someone in my online social media community would have an answer. They did — but not the one I was hoping for. A journalist friend said this probably wasn’t a lone woman using a false profile as romantic bait. Instead, she suggested, it was more likely to be the work of an industrial-scale scam where gangs of people in “fraud factories” (often in north Africa and southeast Asia) create false profiles on dating sites using stolen photos and false information. They then contact potential victims. Over time the conversations become more intimate and personal as the scammer builds trust with their target.
The targets are often vulnerable people in their fifties, sixties and seventies, perhaps new to dating after long marriages that have ended in divorce or bereavement, sometimes lonely, invariably trusting. Low-hanging fruit, in other words, for the wily thieves who groom them, telling them how beautiful and desirable they are, forge a speedy romantic connection then ask for money — a little to begin with, a lot later on…
These scammers commit a fraud, the false profile is reported and shut down, but the con artists immediately set up a new false profile using the same pictures — and on and on it goes.
Sadly there are a thousand iterations of this scenario: coercive controllers who manipulate vulnerable people into believing they have found love. They send photographs, gifs, songs and poems during their “courtship”, telling their victims they are surgeons or spies, Nasa physicists or retired army colonels. They send (stolen) pictures of their children, their luxury home, their fast car, then one day start asking for gift cards, crypto, or money to buy heart surgery or a flight home.
The people perpetuating these cybercrimes are often doing so because they have been trafficked and trapped. Sixty Kenyans were rescued from “fraud factories” after the customer service jobs they applied for in Thailand turned out to be a cover for cybercrime. One woman had been promised a monthly salary of £675 but ended up targeting Americans by creating enticing profiles on Tinder, Instagram and Facebook. “They fall in love with you and you can tell them about cryptocurrency. You start stealing from them,” the 31-year-old woman said, describing in Swahili how she was forced to work in a vast call centre-like hall with hundreds of people of many nationalities…
All of which brings us back to my predicament and how I’m being made to feel complicit in these grubby scams. My face is being used to deceive trusting people who could be fleeced of everything. The victims of a serious and organised crime repeated over and over again but which remains outside the victims’ control. I’m the frontwoman for online activity that may be illegal or dishonest. If it’s neither of those things it’s still plain embarrassing, because I have no idea what the person using my image is saying or doing.
Someone who knows exactly how this feels is Christian Gerhard Boving, a Danish doctor who says scammers have been using photos of him for years to target victims online. “Suddenly all these pictures were stolen by scammers using them to hit on innocent people around the world. They are cruel, sophisticated and evil people doing this.”
Boving has called on companies such as Meta, which owns Facebook and Instagram, to do more. “There should be verification of every new profile being created, like you have to verify yourself with a passport or driving licence, so you know it’s a real person behind the profile,” he says. Perhaps social media companies could use AI to trawl for photographs they know have been stolen and used before on fraudulent accounts — mine and Boving’s, for starters. Certainly the companies running dating apps should make it easy for non-subscribers such as me to contact them with a complaint.
The problem is getting worse, the latest figures showing that reports of romance fraud have risen by almost 60 per cent over four years. Action Fraud, the UK’s centre for fraud and cybercrime, says dating apps are a common place for scammers to find their victims. The top five platforms they use are Facebook, Plenty of Fish, Instagram, Tinder and Match.
As a journalist I like to think that I’m pretty savvy in the ways of the world, but stealing my credit card is one thing; stealing my face is something else. I’m tempted, next time this happens (and I have no doubt there will be a next time), to join whichever dating app is responsible and strike up a conversation with my alter ego. Let’s see where that takes me. Watch this space — and this face.
submitted by Ur_Anemone to afterAWDTSG [link] [comments]


2024.05.22 00:32 Defiant-Flower-135 I wish I turned out differently

M21 I'm doubting if it was strict parenting or if it was the drink but I want opinions. She has done a lot but I don't feel entirely satisfied either. But in the days I have drafted this, my doubts only grow.
As a kid my mom hawked over me and now things I wish I could have experienced did not exist, like going to a park or playground with a friend without supervision, whereas she did. Going to the gas station for snack I couldn't, when she asked her parents and was given a quarter when everything was a cent. Riding a bike was limited to the street we live on, and when I was able to leave, I couldn't leave the neighborhood when she walked for a while to make sure her friend got home. Once sitting on my bike at the edge of the sidewalk and she walked over, cursed me out for going on a different street and wouldn't believe me. I couldn't go to a friends house because I was going to do my homework how my teacher taught me instead of hers, which I didnt know and was not taught. At a friends house, she berated me for making her wait in the car for a few minutes longer than the arranged pickup time. By comparison to what it would have been like, it is a magical opportunity lost.
For most of my school years, all I did was go to school, do homework and play games. Despite catching on to lessons quickly, classes were something to pass, nothing more, not even for life skills. Have a B? Make it an A. I did. Is the project due? Make it better. Alright. Taking orchestra and painting was fleeting then and while I enjoyed it, it was only done for practice or assignment. Now I am upset that it was all I did instead of going out and experiencing life: going out with friends, finding a club or sport to do, or just big activity sessions. Never had a curfew because I never left home to start. I may have had fun gaming then, but I lament heavy over that now to where I will not touch one. A future education and the future as a whole I should have taken a lot more seriously than I could possibly have imagined. School did push for it, but I was a fool and did not care.
Other than the occasional family visit, I did nothing and learned nothing. Never taught to cook much, properly clean, shop for necessities, make right finances, etc. Future prospects was left to whatever I would choose, which I would put it later down the road. Never got any real world experience and just been sheltered for so long, both by my doing and my moms. No drive to do anything, nothing of a hopeful future, no being pulled out of whatever I was doing to learn anything or having skills necessary in the world today be incentivized. Aside from making sure I did well in school, I was left to myself.
She always has something to complain about. Streaks of mean and grumpy. Remembered somethings of what we were interested in but other times just an empty face. Who my mom is today is doom and gloom, speaking two different points that are showing the worst of her and nitpicking over every possible detail. Most of who she enjoys in media has an underlying toxic presence to them with name calling. Polarize, prejudice, politicize, judge and bias everything. Norway and Iceland? Too cold and mountainous, how could anyone have settled there? Germany? They all speak the same language and cannot understand anyone in a city that is 30 minutes away. That guy's accent she can't stand and defaulted to being generated, even though he sounds the same speaking Finnish. All for a better planet yet everything is wasted, trashed, or sent to China. Treat others how you want to be and from where I stand, seem like a backtalking coward. Couldn't have a water pitcher because "no one refilled it" to keep the filter going when I made sure to keep it plentiful. If she has a problem she will bring up the one exact same example related to the topic that I have heard plenty before. And most of the negative aspects of society happen more likely than they should. All while bring home a 24, 30 or however many count of budweiser a week at least. I imagine we only got along because I wasn't a brat anymore and did not try to upset her. Falling in line if you will.
Emotions bottled or maybe emotionally dead. The masculinity trap of what is the general expectation of "men". To express myself, to show emotion, to even cry is something I don't want to do out of fear of being seen, which is ironic given the code of the samurai. 6th grade she didn't remember to pick me up even though I said and called and a friend and his friend caught me being emotional and stayed around a bit to comfort me.
The fear that was put into everything. An actual quote went something as "If you get hurt, I'm not going to drive you to the hospital". Another "All girls are evil". And "that sounds too confrontational" when I asked neighbors to clean after their dog. Even questioning if my eyes doing something required a doctor for her to say that my eyes will fail naturally and something about her relative who had an eye problem and didn't see a doctor. Things that made me not do the kinds of things I want to do now. I have been so sheltered then and now that I want to go out but there is the ever scared part of me towards the unknown world. I feel I have been prejudiced into thinking such ways but there's no personal experience to back or challenge said thoughts.
Admittably, parts of me are glad I know what I have and want for morals and mindset, but its also a matter of temptation and theres still so much that I wish to explore. At times I feel I matured too quickly at the cost of a kids stupidity or innocence and now am too serious and heavyhearted for my own good. To be told how I've matured when there wasn't much to mature from. A part of me feels that I have taken after her cold, judgemental, selfish attitude and that makes me fearful to screw up any kind of friendship or relationship, and dreading that I could reflect that onto any child I may have no matter how far away into the future I do have one. I kind of want to hate her but I am so emotionally gone or warped that I can't. If I "rebel" now, or begin to, I feel that might get the fire started.
She would argue with my dad from time to time but then that continued on for days and it was a cold environment lasting days to weeks after a fight. Even prior to their fights, they rarely slept together in the same bed, let alone the same room. She would critique his employer and even his choice of friends. Once he woke up late, thus having us late to get ready for school and she began one for that. I don't remember the exact details but she once criticized him over a coat he got me. All while listening from the top of the stairs to even the bottom where I was covered by a wall. A few times we listened and we made noise that I think made them aware of us but that didn't stop them. Even starting in our presence where we would leave the room. It got to the point where he actually packed lightly to leave for the night or days and my brother and I stopped him just so he could be home. I wish I did let him go then.
I really do believe I could have had it differently if my dad was alive. He made such an effort. When I was in hospital at 4, he made the efforts to get me out and moving around. When I didn't know a swim style, he literally chucked me towards the deeper waters (I was scared, but he was right in the end, one of the fondest memories). He taught me how to use the mower and had a mini shop set up in the garage. I played with him so much and he got me into the complex games he enjoyed as I got older. For as rough we were, he was so gentle. I looked up to him then and even more than ever now. He made the effort to be one worthy of "Dad" and he was damn well worthy of that and no one could be more better for me.
"Faded gray are all the days of yesteryears So much time has turned to memories and to tears" -Valkyrja
I did graduate HS 3 years ago, did a summer program and since nothing. No job, education chances, or life plans. Even though I felt smarter, I was turned off of college simply for cost reasons and "feeding the rich" mindset. Last summer I began to look at my past and future with a whole new look with no physical change taking effect. First week into March this year I realized what I have been doing compared to how others are living through good and bad and I fell into depression hard. Now it persists with great off and on. Where I have been up at 9 in the morning to suddenly be up at 5 or 6 in the afternoon. Throughout the past 3 years, there was no making sure I was ok, no seeing how I felt, no finding out what I wanted to do. And I am still frightened of what may be out there, even when that is the key to the living that I want. I want to go, I need to go. But where? I leave for the good and better of myself, but I also leave behind this place I've called home, yet it's now so far from the one I want to remember with a fond memory. So much happens that seems to have been "normal" when it doesn't seem like it should. The same place with the same inhabitants in the same motions. No going out, no difference, no change, and VERY artificial. Nothing means anything anymore. To let how I feel about the previous years subside in me or blow over...
Always have been insecure, hesitant, second guessing. While others had spent their 18s, 19s and 20s going into the world doing many things, I've had the summer program at 18, nothing at 19, and two days in the big city to attend a concert at 20. Little noteworthy moments under my belt. It seems like love in the immediate family was not two ways or had to be earned. I have not grown. Who I am is not who I want to be at heart.
For 21, I know I should have more skills and be in better places, but theres nothing from anyone. No check-in, no advice, no motivation. Like "the birdling will leave the nest" instead of anyone preparing a boy to what is before him. Its not a snap of fingers or blink of an eye do I learn what is expected. On the grown up part, I feel heavily underprepared for the world and life. Far too long have I stayed and lived in my head. I cannot understand why I am still at home, a part of myself thinks to keep the peace but what peace needs to be kept? Nothing and no one is stopping me from leaving except myself and the thought that they will most definitely want to know where I am if I go, which I do not want to tell anyone. Or that I've been sheltered and not have realised the gates have been unlocked long ago. Things are not ok and I want to stop pretending when I leave. Even with Spring's green grass under a blue sky that ends the day with the orange sunset piercing the clouds to make them blue and pink do I feel grey.
"Watching to the night with tired eyes Waiting for nothing all my life" -Battle Against Time
I feel the kid within me, wanting to do those exciting things, yearning for any kind of companion or fellowship. What daylight reveries I can conjure to make him feel hopeful enough so he can shine soon. The things I want to do to feel happy. I want to water that little guy.
A lot of this I have remembered recently and still am connecting the dots. I already am upset at myself for not doing anything in life, but I want to be angry and I honestly hate myself for not seeing this sooner and listening to her for so long. Despite feeling broken and defunct, I still feel young enough but there's been so little done that it feels many chances are long gone. There is more freedoms I have that I do not know about and ones that I have had before that gathered dust. And now I am in a toss up between beginning college preparation now, leaving states or the country to act on these now childhood regrets. I don't want to be who I am now any longer. I just want to do something. And in between it all, confusion of what to do, how to feel and saddened that I am not who I once was or could have been.
submitted by Defiant-Flower-135 to AdultChildren [link] [comments]


2024.05.22 00:14 terracottahoney I (32F) ghosted him (37m) after 1 year of empty promises I can't help but feel I owe him closure?

We met online with a 1.5 hour commute between us - It was lovebomb at first sight. The first date (june 2023) was magic spending 10 hours at the beach in the water. I had a feeling after just a week of knowing him... facetimes or texts every 3-5 hours, seeing each other every other weekend. It was lovely to have such an incredible connection with someone so quickly and crave them every moment of everyday. I really felt like this was it with the amount of attention/affection he gave me, we would surf and skate together. he said his dream was always to skate with a girl. he told me how important it was to have the same interests as your partner and we also were both into taking film photos and have really special memories captured.
The distance started to take a toll on us 3 months (September) in. It was our first sort of argument he picked about it being almost noon and we hadn't left the house yet to do what we said we would do I was ready and waiting for him to be done playing guitar. But this was all due to him waking up late per usual and his ADHD is so severe he has no idea how quickly time goes by while He will do 4 things at once and then complain about not enough time in the day.
We ended up breaking up because he kept saying "I don't Know" when I Would ask him what he wants. We both crying I packed all my things and then I said why don't we enjoy the day and do what we said we would do and then I'll go home. We ended up enjoying the afternoon and he cried to me about how he can't lose me and how foolish he was to start an argument.
OK fast forward 2 weeks in September we had plans to go camping for the weekend, I booked a dog sitter. the night he was planning to come over he cancels on because there is a rat in his house (he has 3 roommates and the kitchen and pans and cabinets were never cleaned). so I end up taking my oldest dog on the camping trip and leaving the younger one with the sitters. this was my first sign from the universe that things happen for a reason... keep reading.
Then in end of October. My old boy is sick I drive to Mexico for vet care and he offered to come with me both times and then said he had too much work. Mind you, he wakes up at 9am, clocks in from his bed, does his morning routine and doesn't start to work until 11am usually. He will go run errands in the middle of the work day, play guitar and complains about not being a good worker. He even told me a friend called him out for it because he had mentioned it to them a year prior. So he had been knowingly a poor worker for more than the time I have known him. I brushed it off since my dog was #1. 2 weeks later I take the second trip to Mexico which also happened to be the day after I had been put under for a broken finger from a surf accident. he did not come for my surgery to support me and i expressed concern on lifting my 80 lb dog with my finger freshly put back together with a metal plate. yeah he couldn't come he has work. I spend 8 hours in mexico going to 5 hospitals for my sick dog to find answers. while he ended up going to the skatepark after work. I went to stay at his house that night which was nice he setup a bed for me to lay next to my dog on the floor.
the next morning was Friday. I said ok I have to put my baby down this weekend he is so sick. he said ok I am coming over right after work to be with you. that evening he calls me. his friends brother is in town and he is going to go surfing in the morning (saturday) with them and come over right after. I said ok whatever. I was screaming inside.
he comes its fine. sunday I put my dog down. I have the vet come, before hand I had frequencies playing for my baby on spotify and he has the audacity to change it to youtube video to show my cousin a skate clip. I called him out and he dismissed me.
a week after my dog is put down we have another (many not even mentioned because its painful) butting heads episode of him telling me knitting is not faster than crocheting and he has the experience since he was around it when his friends crocheted so i should listen to him. mind you I have been crocheting for 10 years i have never knitted so i mentioned i was going to start knitting and he told me how much slower it is and i just genuinely don't know so i said oh I didn't know and I don't know what to expect and because I didn't say I believe you it was this terrible icky feeling in my gut I didn't even wanna talk to him anymore. I was telling him how excited I Was about something and he would always shoot me down. so I called him later that evening after work to discuss it and of course he is driving to the skatepark and he says he needs to go skate and feels bad energy after me calling him to talk about the knitting crocheting mishap and he goes "your life has been so depressing lately" and I was just so taken back by that and hurt I don't even remember what my response was but I should have hungup and never talked to him again. I don't remember what happened but I let it go.
then a couple weeks later (November) its 2 weeks from Thanksgiving, he says his roommate is making a fried turkey and invites me i am so excited because I am 2,000 miles from my family so I begin to prepare what meals I want to make. a week before Thanksgiving he facetimes me and says he has exciting news that hes going to mexico for thanksgiving to surf with his friends. I was so sad, I asked him why he would make plans in place of what we planned and he just said it was a special opportunity and so I felt i had no choice and didn't fight it. i realize at this point of typing all of this I enabled alot of this behavior.
that evening I sent a video message to him about how hurt I was and how inconsiderate he is of my feelings and the fact that I am his girlfriend and his friends and what he wants to do comes before me always. the next morning he apologizes via text and then is quite throughout the day which is very odd because he texts every 3 hours pretty much. I ask how his day is going and he says it started off shitty because of the message he received from me that morning, it wasn't the "best way to start the day". so again I am dismissed for sharing my feelings. and I let it go again.
Thanksgiving comes and I take my other dog camping to the spot I took my recently passed dog. Fast forward December he was visting at my house and I have been working on training my younger dog he has leash reactivity. I say "here" and treat dog when we pass other dogs so he associates quiet still behavior with a reward in this moment. Ok so then he suggests I teach dog a different word that would associate a dog is coming and that my dog needs to behave............ I said that is exactly why I say "here". He continues and starts to raise his voice, "you aren't listening to me, teach him a different word like leave it" and I said ok but he still isn't good with "here" so why would i give him another word to learn? it turned into an explosive fight. we broke up the next night and he is bawling his eyes out and so am I. a week goes by we get back together because I can't help but think he has potential to be this amazing partner he talks about all these things he wants out of someone and I check every box but he just would pick this random little arguments and then be so indecisive of what he wants to break up or not.
I told him how I wanted to do yoga teacher training he says "theres already a lot of yoga teachers". I told him I was going to costa rica with my girlfriend for a surf trip and he says "why would you go with her and not me? how long have you known her? your level of surfing isn't even at the par to go to costa rica" but he had already gone on 2 surf trips with friends. he would dismiss me time and time again. he would criticize everything I do. even telling him something I saw happen he would qualify everything I said and question what I saw was true.
His birthday comes in January and prior to this I told him how excited I am and important it is to spend brithdays together and shower each other. I make him a cake the night before and set up my dog for daycare. I drive to work keep his cake in the fridge and then after pick up dog from daycare and drive 2 hours to see him and celebrate. He then tells me he booked a trip to skate in Spain with his friends over my birthday. I was so heartbroken I wanted to throw up I asked him if he takes me seriously and he said yes of course and we both cry I am so furious I should have left but I didn't. I then tell him how disgusting his house and its been 8 months and hes never bought me flowers. the next day he brings flowers to the coffee shop I went to work at. I went back to his house after and broke up with him yet again. I burned a picture of him he gave me. I really tried to move on. he hurt me so much and would dismiss me all the time.
I don't know why but we got back together again. he started watching dharma talks I would send him (mindfulness talks, Tara Brach, Jack Kornfield, Ram Dass kind of stuff) because he knew how selfish and self centered he was and he admited it every time we broke up but made no effort and this last break up he really did seem to make an effort.
we didn't see each other for 40 days and he came over in April for a weekend we went to the art museaum he was in the middle of a story and we were getting kicked out I asked him if he can take my picture quick and he flips, "I can never finish a story it takes forever all the time" he takes my picture and then I stop being silent. I tell him you are the storyteller all the time I never tell you stories because its always about your stories I remind him I haven't been to an art museum in ages and i want a photo in that moment and your story already happened so why cant it wait a moment??? he then woke up a little and saw my perspective. and then the next day we went to surf, the surfboards are in the car we go thrifting and he says oh we can't be in there for even 30 minutes someone will steal the boards he had all this concern on the surfboards and I was like why did we come here then...? lets just leave but no we go inside and of course 15 min in he says ok! 15 more min! and then later that night I said why did you make such a big fuss and then you don't even live the truth you say? he says yeah I wanted to come apologize to you but I didn't and I am like are you kidding?! come on please I need you to take accountability for your actions this is part of being an adult!! and then he admits to being a "whiny baby" and I was like yes you are a huge baby and youre a grown ass man! anyways it was a very nice talk while I was actually able to talk and he was listening very well.
Ten days ago was my birthday, I went camping with my dog. He told me he would facetime me on my birthday he only sent a text in the morning from spain mentioning "I wish I could be with you" whatever crock of s*/t. he never called me. I saw his friends posting on IG though so I know they had Wi-Fi. I sent a picture of my camp and said "we made it, thanks for calling like you said you would :(" that was my last text to him.
the next morning he gave every excuse, "sooooo sorry I didn't get to facetime you" we were so busy blah blah blah. its like if you wanted to make the effort you would? sends another text asking how camp was and what are we doing that day and then another one 8 hours later apologizing saying how truly bad he feels and hopes I am willing to speak with him but could understand how I wouldnt want to and says he blew it.
I never responded. He never even tried to call me to apologize just 4 total texts. I blocked him from seeing my IG stories. I am so heartbroken that I spend a year thinking I was with this wonderful person who wants the same things as me to learn that all he wants is to skate and surf and not do any hard work or put any effort into life he has not made any growth the entire almost year I have known him.
I have made so many advancements in my own life. I sold my motorcycle, rented out my garage, laid brick in my yard by myself never offered to help, I starting selling all of my vintage at pop ups I did 3 and he never came to any. I broke my finger and put my dog of 11 years down. I have a really wonderful job and I also stick to my word and do what I Tell people I am going to do.
I can't help but be missing him. Wanting to work it out. I act impulsively quite often but I know in my gut this man would not stand up for me if times got tough like he hasnt this whole year. can people really change? do I owe closure to him?
submitted by terracottahoney to relationship_advice [link] [comments]


2024.05.22 00:03 Lou9896 2TMC [Semi-Vanilla][SMP]{1.20.1}{Java}{Datapacks}{Whitelist}{Discord}{Hermitcraft-like}{21+}

Hello we are 2TMC a 21+ community server much like Hermitcraft. We are a SMP with emphasis on being friendly (with a little bit of chaos) with other players, and trying to be a welcoming community to everyone. We are running a Semi-Vanilla server with a few terrain generation mods and additional mods that enhance the vanilla experience (see list below).
We are looking for players who will be active in game on chat and on our Discord voice channels. The server is in NA but we accept players from all around the world. Discord and a mic are required! We love to chat on voice in game but it's definitely not required! We are also youtubestreamer friendly. So if you love to play minecraft and are looking for a friendly environment where you can prank others and do community projects then send us a message! We'd love to chat with you.
Data packs on the server

Fabric mods on the server

Fabric mods required to join the server

Server Rules
  1. Be Respectful
  2. No griefing, stealing, or cheating
  3. Chat is English only
  4. Non-Destructive Pranks are allowed (so Hermitcraft style pranks)
  5. Spawn area is for a spawn town
  6. Bases must be built 250 blocks away from Spawn.
  7. No duping except for carpet, rail and tnt.
  8. No combat logging, this means mobs as well.
  9. Taking items/griefing from active and maintained ruin sites is prohibited.
  10. No hacking or hacked clients
  11. No using others builds, items, villagers, etc without their permission.
If you are interested in joining please fill out this application
submitted by Lou9896 to smp [link] [comments]


2024.05.22 00:03 Lou9896 2TMC [Semi-Vanilla][SMP]{1.20.1}{Java}{Datapacks}{Whitelist}{Discord}{Hermitcraft-like}{21+}

Hello we are 2TMC a 21+ community server much like Hermitcraft. We are a SMP with emphasis on being friendly (with a little bit of chaos) with other players, and trying to be a welcoming community to everyone. We are running a Semi-Vanilla server with a few terrain generation mods and additional mods that enhance the vanilla experience (see list below).
We are looking for players who will be active in game on chat and on our Discord voice channels. The server is in NA but we accept players from all around the world. Discord and a mic are required! We love to chat on voice in game but it's definitely not required! We are also youtubestreamer friendly. So if you love to play minecraft and are looking for a friendly environment where you can prank others and do community projects then send us a message! We'd love to chat with you.
Data packs on the server

Fabric mods on the server

Fabric mods required to join the server

Server Rules
  1. Be Respectful
  2. No griefing, stealing, or cheating
  3. Chat is English only
  4. Non-Destructive Pranks are allowed (so Hermitcraft style pranks)
  5. Spawn area is for a spawn town
  6. Bases must be built 250 blocks away from Spawn.
  7. No duping except for carpet, rail and tnt.
  8. No combat logging, this means mobs as well.
  9. Taking items/griefing from active and maintained ruin sites is prohibited.
  10. No hacking or hacked clients
  11. No using others builds, items, villagers, etc without their permission.
If you are interested in joining please fill out this application
submitted by Lou9896 to MinecraftServerFinder [link] [comments]


2024.05.22 00:01 ikieneng My fanfiction - episode 4!

My fanfiction - episode 4!
The next part is here! This episode is so long that I had to split it, and today, you're finally getting part 3 of 3.
You can find the previous episodes in the side bar! (Community info page in the app)
DISCLAIMERS (the same ones as before)
The point of this fanfiction is not to be a straight-up continuation of events with the same themes, intensity, and tone. If you go into it with those expectations, you are probably not going to like it. Rather, it’s supposed to be how I wish things went if these events were real life. The resolution you want for a real-life situation isn’t often the right choice for a show, but it can be incredibly beautiful. Think of what you’re about to read to be a separate show then.
Episode 1 of this fanfiction begins after the episode “2:00” (season 2 episode 4), so it replaces the episode “Cake” and the ones that follow it. This fanfiction expects you to have seen the entirety of seasons 1 and 2, so you should watch those first.
I myself am bursting into the story here. The narrator and me are the same. While my character is like 95% real me, don’t take events about my life described here as facts. Some aspects of my life have been changed for the story. In my head, I started writing like an “alternate me” character in 2016, fulfilling a lot of the things that I wish I had in life, adding that to my story. I’m not really from Ukraine. I speak fluent Ukrainian as a foreign language, I started learning it in 2014, and I’ve talked to tons of people from there, but I’m not from Ukraine. I also don’t have as much money as I do in the story. I wish lmao.
If you want to post your own fanfiction, feel free to do so! To get your own post flair for your fanfic, and to appear in the side bar, please message me.

Part 3 (days 3 and 4)

We’d wake up on day three, and still, nothing would be any different - we’re still locked up. We’d both feel really worried not knowing if we’ll have to forfeit our whole plan because we might run out of food and water and take the risky route - calling the police and getting ourselves into a situation where we’d have to be freed by force, which would be so dangerous because the Turners have proven that there’s nothing they’re not prepared to do to us to “get Jericho back”. Leanne would ask me “What do we do if we call the police, and Mrs. Turner comes up here and tries to hurt us?” At first, I’d insist that we start thinking about that when we do run out of food the next day, but she’d insist we should come up with a plan. I’d point at the corner on the edge of the attic facing Spruce Street, the corner that’s to one’s right when coming up into the attic,
https://preview.redd.it/knoz0zwpou1d1.png?width=975&format=png&auto=webp&s=bd1694f292bb546ea45339ebecea7ffacfe33541
and say “Then you’d curl up and hide over there, and I’d take the radio, you’d take the metronome, and I’d sit down in front of you, shielding you, and if she gets in here before the cops do, we’ll defend ourselves. And we’d record everything on my phone. And we should probably hide behind the sofa. Maybe then, she might not notice we’re still up here at first. She’d probably be in a state of panic.” She’d look at me with sad, but touched eyes and just hug me and say thank you. I’d reply “Of course”. After some silence, I’d tell her “If anything happens to me… Please bring me back”.

She’d be touched by that, but say that if she reanimates me, the Church of Lesser Saints will come after ME as well because they’ll believe that I’ll be obligated to join. With a worried smile, I’d say “I know... But they’re probably already gonna do that, right? Because I won’t let them get to you!” We’d both nod with the same half-happy, half-worried expression. “And if things go terribly wrong and you have to bring me back, we can try again!”

I’d ask if I’m getting it right that the “great sins” they think she’s committing are not spending time with the Church and helping another family from the one that was assigned to her. She’d say yes and add that there’s a lot more they hate her for, like her “disobedient and rebellious streak”, disobeying their instructions, putting curses on people, and now, leaving the Marinos.
https://preview.redd.it/4obn4r9uou1d1.png?width=975&format=png&auto=webp&s=1e77adafbde221c320999ba1169adb0a1c6b2b17
After a few seconds of silence (out of shock that this is how the Church of Lesser Saints frames it), I’d be like “If you disobey so many of their instructions, then...”, look her directly in the eyes, and go “Good! Keep on disobeying them! I’m actually kind of stunned that this is how they frame your actions, because that is so manipulative. Wanting to have a life where you don’t have to worry about your every step being watched and controlled, where you can actually freely explore what you believe – not what they tell you to believe, but what YOU believe, where you can do totally normal human things like listen to music, and where you can go wherever you want and make some basic decisions for yourself and work wherever you want, that doesn’t make you...” (doing the “quote-on-quote” with my hands while I say it) “quote-on-quote ‘disobedient’ or ‘rebellious’, it makes you a normal human being. If they forbid every little thing that people do that makes you happy, if you then look for happiness elsewhere, that’s on them. You can’t take every bit of joy away from people and then expect them to just deal with it. You wanting to run away, that’s the logical result of their bullshit. And you didn’t ‘leave’ the Marinos, you were taken. Don’t let them think you’re at fault in any way!” She might have never heard any verbal confirmation before that her feelings about leaving are valid, and this would be so reassuring to her. She’d tell me that whenever she did things like not be there for meals at the Church, skip assemblies, or curse people without permission, she would be brought before May and the rest of the community, get questioned about her behavior, and she’d have to self-flagellate to receive forgiveness.
https://preview.redd.it/roex7c20pu1d1.png?width=975&format=png&auto=webp&s=32cecf94a41a97e66b1c74967cb074ca89321777
I’d go really still and quiet when she mentions the self-flagellation, which she’d then explain is a frequent punishment. That would freaking break my heart... I’d ask her when was the last time she hurt herself, and it was a little less than two weeks ago, before she was forced to leave the Turners. Very carefully and quietly, I’d ask her if it would be okay if she can show me her scars and add “You do NOT have to if you’re not comfortable, PLEASE don’t do it if you’re not”, and after a second, she’d nod and show me her back. My heart would break for her even more seeing her scars, I’d just express how horrible it is that they made her do that… I’d show her some of my cut wounds from when I self-harmed, which I hadn’t done in like three and a half years at that point. I’d want her to know that way that I get the urge, that I really do, but I’d tell her that hurting oneself achieves nothing. All it does is make you feel horrible mentally and physically, and every time you do it, there’s a risk of infection and even death. I’d just tell her I understand while taking her in my arms. I’d ask her to please look me in the eyes and tell me she won’t hurt herself again, and that when she feels like doing it again, to please talk to me first. She’d quietly say “I promise” while looking me in the eyes, and after some longer embraces, we’d both smile a bit, that would make me really happy to hear! I’d ask that when we’re out of here, if we can call a doctor sometime soon and get them to look at her scars to make sure none of them are infected, if she’s comfortable enough, and she’d nod and smile at me a little bit some more.

We’d eat after that. We’d run out of tomato soup that meal, and I’d tell her that when we’re getting out of there, I’d get her all the tomato soup in the world! “We’re gonna fill a whole hotel fridge with tomato soup!” “And with Ben & Jerry’s?”, she’d ask, and I’d say yes and say that we’re probably gonna need more than one fridge. I’d say we’re gonna pick the nicest and most expensive hotel to stay at, an idea that she’d love! “You still think Allentown is a good idea?”, I’d ask her, and she’d think my reasoning from the day before makes sense and say yes. We’d look for the nicest hotel in Allentown online and see that there are “only” three-star hotels in Allentown. Leanne would ask if getting such an expensive place to stay is really okay, and I’d say “Money is not an issue, don’t worry about it” while reaching across her back and like caressing her right shoulder, looking her in the eyes, and smiling. “And besides, let’s spoil you, you fucking deserve it after all this!” We wouldn’t book anything yet because we wouldn’t know when we can get out of there yet, but looking at all those insanely nice hotels would lift our spirits a bit.

After eating the first half of that day’s rations (only two half day’s rations would be left after that…), we’d think that it would probably be a good idea if we started writing the document for the police right now. Writing it can take hours upon hours, and there’s no point in delaying the rescue to write the document after I leave if we can do it right now, so we’d begin right that moment. It would begin something like “My name is Daria Horenko, born July 30, 1999 in Odesa, Ukraine, residing in 501 Pembroke Ave, Philadelphia 19050, Pennsylvania...” (I don’t live there. I have no idea who does. Please leave them alone lmao) “...I sent this statement to my Facebook friend Liam [...] (residing in Tipperary, Ireland, using Facebook as Liam [...]) as a PDF file and told him to call the Philadelphia police and read this statement to them if I don’t come back online and confirm that I’m okay by 10 PM Philadelphia time / 3 PM London, UK time on December 22, 2022. If he is reading this to you, it probably means that there was no sign of life from me by that time, and that I’m not safe, probably kidnapped and locked up by Dorothy Turner, Sean Turner, Julian (I’m not sure about his surname, but I’m referring to Dorothy Turner’s brother - redhead, not very tall, moderately overweight) in the attic of their residence at 9780 Spruce Street, Philadelphia 19139, Pennsylvania”, and then document everything I’ve seen in chronological order and everything that Leanne has told me, with a link to our video and photographic evidence, references to DNA evidence that can probably be found in the hole in the basement if they haven’t covered it up by now, and a statement at the end saying that I’ve written it together with Leanne to make sure that everything is correct. That would take a really long time, hours for sure. But when it’s done, I’d run spell- and grammar checks on it and send it to my printer at home, to be queued for printing when I get home and turn it on. We’d also know that today (December 21) or tomorrow will be the day when we leave one way or another, so I’d schedule a text message to 911 in 30 hours from that moment. The message would say “This is a scheduled message. If you’ve received it, then Leanne Grayson (born October 13, 2001)...” (We only ever learn Leanne’s birth year from the gravestone. October 13 is Nell Tiger Free’s birthday, so October 13, 2001 being Leanne’s birthday is kind of my headcanon)
https://preview.redd.it/0hr9niq1pu1d1.png?width=975&format=png&auto=webp&s=4dbead2015781ed8beee236188b8273aac1b3fb0
“...and me (Daria Horenko, born July 30, 1999) are probably not safe, abducted and locked up against our will by Dorothy Turner, her brother Julian, and Sean Turner in the attic of their house at 9780 Spruce Street, Philadelphia 19139, Pennsylvania or somewhere else on the property. We need help immediately. The Turners should be considered dangerous and very clearly willing to use violence and intimidation. We need help NOW. Details in our prepared statement: [the link]”. Because we’re holding out hope that we won’t have to call the police from inside the attic, the document would include information on what our plan is to get Leanne (and me) out of there as safely as possible and call the police from the taxi, but that if we run out of rations, we won’t have a choice but to call the police while we’re unarmed and while the Turners still have the upper hand.

We would debate whether we should include information about the Church of Lesser Saints right away or tell the police about them later because we know how that sounds, considering that this would hurt the credibility of our testimony,
https://preview.redd.it/sinvabf3pu1d1.png?width=975&format=png&auto=webp&s=e37811b53eb90cb8a066bfcb30f6244bb9f34ad4
but we’d modify the document and include the most important information about them as well, with more believable explanations - how they forced Leanne and other members to self-harm (meaning that current members or those who recently left), where they’re currently operating from in Lancaster,
https://preview.redd.it/mxbm8445pu1d1.png?width=975&format=png&auto=webp&s=1f9b5f1c671c15afce7149eeb90926c2c29b9bdb
that they faked their deaths, that they forced Leanne to leave the Turners, and the necessary lie that they took the real baby, and that Leanne hasn’t seen it since that day and doesn’t know where they’ve taken it. We’d also include names and stuff, and most importantly, reference the baptism tape and say that it shows May and George watching us from the sidewalk outside the church less than three weeks ago, and that piece of evidence would change everything in regards to investigating the Church of Lesser Saints and make the police believe us. We’d add that it’s probably among the other DVDs in the Turners’ living room, and that I’ll try to get it when leaving the building if our original plan is still going to be an option, rip the DVD at home, and add a link to the video file to the document. We’d modify the scheduled text message as well, and we’d charge both phones, mine first because the scheduled message is so important, but it’s an iPhone, so we could charge it to 100% rather quickly and then charge hers. And we’d add that we’d want the police to get Leanne’s things from the Marino estate. All her stuff being there would be further evidence that she was taken suddenly and against her will. We’d also add what number Leanne can be reached at for now with the Samsung Galaxy phone. And then, I’d send the document to Liam on all platforms where I know how to reach him, followed by a message to alert the authorities if I’m not back online confirming that we’re both okay in what’s now probably more like 29 hours, the phone number of the Philadelphia police, and caps at the beginning saying that it’s an actual emergency.

Out of nowhere, I’d ask her if she’s seen “Titanic” lmao, and with her near total isolation growing up, she wouldn’t have seen it. “I’ve only seen movies on TV”. I’d be like “I can show you lots of movies if you want! I got several subscriptions to streaming services, and also a bunch of stuff offline on an external drive at home.”
https://preview.redd.it/lr58woa7pu1d1.png?width=975&format=png&auto=webp&s=63537b149270faeebb2c3f1be9ba2af0d259e1b7
Back on talking about “Titanic”, I’d tell her it’s wonderful and so freaking romantic, albeit over-the-top at times for sure and a bit overrated. It has that glossy feeling and some superficial characters to it that all James Cameron movies have, but it’s still really wonderful. After explaining the plot to her (since she’s grown up so isolated), I’d tell her about one scene that I’m thinking about a lot from time to time - near the end of the movie, when old Rose is done telling the researchers her story, she says that she doesn’t even have a picture of Jack, and that has hit me so hard from the first time I’ve seen the movie.
https://preview.redd.it/96bgw8s8pu1d1.png?width=975&format=png&auto=webp&s=476c1a4cbee498c26a0be4651ef83258f0aa7748
She has no physical memories of him, she can never see his face again, and she can never show people what he looked like. That just rips my heart. I’d ask Leanne if we can take some pictures together. We’d look pretty horrible because we haven’t been able to shower in days, but we wouldn’t care and take them anyway and really, genuinely smile so hard. I’d send them to her email address (leanne_grayson@icloud.com, that email address is on her resume in the show),
https://preview.redd.it/frfz9e7apu1d1.png?width=975&format=png&auto=webp&s=1b65065ab622e71f52edc6e9b84a2974e7efe9cb
manually sync my gallery with iCloud, and I’d send them to Liam. I’d ask what phone she got back at the Marinos’ and if she’s got any pictures of herself in her iCloud gallery, but she’d tell me she’s rarely ever taken pictures of herself, only for the resume she applied at the Turners’ for, and I’d be like “Whaaaaat? But you’re so beautiful!”, and she’d smile hard, a bit embarrassed. I’d look her straight in the eyes and say it again and say that I mean it for real, she is so incredibly beautiful! It’s probably so rare that anyone’s ever said that to her in her entire life (her mother definitely didn’t, and given that the Church of Lesser Saints believes that anything that feels good is dangerous,
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it’s rather unlikely that they did), Tobe saying it in “Balloon” might even have been the only time ever…
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I’d then add “Inside AND out!”, and she’d smile some more in a bit of embarrassment and then look me in the eyes and say “You, too, Daria!”, and as you’d expect, I’d smile so hard and even with my eyes!

It would be rather late by then, so we’d eat and listen to some more music together from the Spotify playlist I created for her and talk so much about what we’re hearing.

After dinner, she’d bring the topic up on her own (this is kind of making fun of these fan theories) - she’d tell me that some in the Church of Lesser Saints think she’s the Devil or Lilith because of her rebelliousness, and how she’s inspired doubt in some people in the Church. I’d make such a weirded-out face. After realizing she’s serious, I’d say “If you are the Devil, then hail Satan! Like, seriously, if YOU are what God is threatening will happen if we don’t follow him, then that’s literally the weakest threat I’ve ever heard of. Then God is the villain here. We need more people like you in the world!” Shy as she still is, she’d still be almost embarrassed to hear this (she’s so not used to compliments), and I’d make it clear I’m serious, that I really think she’s fricking wonderful and the sweetest, and that she clearly has a huge heart full of so much love, and that she deserves so much better than what she’s ever experienced! Almost in denial, she’d see in my eyes that I really mean it and just smile and hug me, and then, we’d both smile even more! I’d rub her back a lot in that moment and promise her again that everything will be okay. “I’ll make sure of that!”

After some more music together, knowing that tomorrow will be the day we leave, no matter which plan we’ll go with, we’d make sure we haven’t forgotten anything. Looking around, I’d realize I have to give her my earphones with a cord because the internal mic of my Samsung Galaxy S5 Mini is essentially useless. I’d tell her that when I call her the next day to tell her it’s safe to come downstairs now, she should answer the call, plug in the earphones, and then, it will take a few seconds until I can hear her, but then, it should be fine. We’d set a code phrase that I’ll mention to let her know if the Turners got me and it’s NOT safe to come down. She’d suggest “tomato soup”, and I’d smile and say yes, that’s gonna be our code phrase. “And if it IS safe to come down?”, she’d ask, and I’d suggest “ice cream”.

I’d realize that we should probably find her fresh clothes in the attic and a coat right now, so as I said, it’s not too obvious that she’s been locked up for a long time the second she walks out of the door, because if she’s in dirty clothes or nightwear, with it being obvious that she hasn’t showered in days, and I get her out of there and into a taxi to drive off while I got a gun, it would look as if I was kidnapping her, so we’d find her a nice dress and coat up there, and I’d turn around and close my eyes while she puts it on, and when she’s done, I’d tell her again that she looks amazing! 😊
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And she’d smile and thank me this time, sort of the way she says it to the makeup artist at the street fair in S3E5 “Tiger” in that typical way of hers that’s so adorable for real,
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and she’d look in my direction and say “You look really beautiful, too!”, really shy, before peeking me in the eyes for a moment, and we’d just look at each other for a moment. “Can I have your pictures?”, she’d ask me, and I’d say yeah, open my iPhone, and select ALL pictures of myself in my gallery and send them to her email address, and send her those that are too large via a Google Drive link (iCloud isn’t great for sharing files lol), and then, I’d take her Samsung Galaxy S5 Mini, download them all (which would take a while because that phone is ancient), and set one of the pictures we’ve taken together as her wallpaper, and then set it as my wallpaper on my iPhone as well! 😊

We’d consider if there’s anything else we’ve missed. She’d mention that parts of the floor screech, especially one tile, so when I sneak out, I gotta be careful on the stairs, especially with that one tile.
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After a few seconds, she’d ask me if we wanna book a hotel now, and I’d smile and say sure! “Did you like any hotels in particular, out of the ones we looked at?” She’d say “The one with the big jacuzzi looks great” with big eyes and enthusiasm in her voice, like she does during some of her conversations with Tobe in S3E5 “Tiger”. “You’ve ever been in a jacuzzi?”, I’d ask her, and she’d go “Nooo, but I wanna try!” in the same tone,
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and so, after lying down now, we’d look up which hotel she was talking about and book a two-room suite in that hotel in Allentown for three weeks. I’d add “So we can easily look out for each other, and so you’ll also have some privacy.”, and she’d smile and nod, that consideration would probably mean a lot to her.

We’d then get ready for bed. For the next day, I’d get some better clothes as well and put them on while she’s turned around with her eyes closed. I’d take the last ration of food out of my backpack, put the clothes I just took off at the bottom of it, above Leanne’s Bible (the porcelain baby and card are already in one of the other pockets), and put my phone and the chargers in another pocket. I’d look around and ask her if there’s anything else I should take with me to safeguard, and at first, she’d also look around because she wouldn’t know how to answer right away, but she’d then point at Mrs. Barrington with her face,
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and I’d be like “Well, I think she’s a little too big for my backpack, but I can talk to the police when we’re out of here, maybe we can try to get her!”, and Leanne would nod with a big smile again.

We’d lie down on the mattress and share the covers again. Just like the night before, I’d lie down on the side of the mattress that’s closer to the stairs, in case Dorothy changes her mind and tries to assault Leanne again… On the mattress, she’d suddenly hug me really tight, break into tears, and thank me over and over again, and I’d just hold her tight, say “Of course”, and assure her that everything’s gonna be okay, that we’ll get out of there tomorrow. I’d wipe some of her tears off her face 🥺 On the mattress, we’d just look each other in the eyes and both just smile more and more, and after a minute or two, she’d kiss me on the lips for a tiiiiny moment and then, we’d just smile at each other even harder! She’d say “I’m not supposed to do that” while still smiling just as hard and looking me directly in the eyes! “Says who?”, I’d reply. She goes “My aunts and uncles”, and I’d say “I don’t think they’re a reliable source!”, and we’d kiss each other some more and longer, and both feel each other’s smile on our lips, and peek at each other a few times in between 😊🥰❤️ We’d both put our arms around each other before telling each other good night and before I promise her one more time it’s all going to be okay!
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At some point during the night, she’d wake me up, and when she does, I’d realize I had a nightmare, like, not from my night terrors, and she’d tell me I had a nightmare, that I was sniffling in my sleep, and that I told her two days earlier to wake me up if this happens. Still feeling terrible (the feeling of immediate dread always takes a while to subside for me), I’d thank her. I’d ask what I was saying, and she’d say that I wasn’t speaking English. I’d consider if I should tell her for a moment, but then, I’d take a deep breath, look up for a second, and with a heavy voice, slowly say “What if we try plan A tomorrow, and I fail? I’m scared… I don’t wanna mess this up… I don’t wanna fail you…” And she’d slowly look at me and just say two words: “You haven’t!” I’d look at her and almost laugh a bit out of joy. I’d smile and just cuddle up to her a bit, and she’d do it back. I’d say I’ll try to listen to music for a while to calm down because doing something else makes it much easier for me to zone out of the feeling of dread again. “Why only you?”, she’d ask. “I don’t wanna keep you awake”, I’d say, “You need the sleep”, and she’d say “It’s okay” and just smile a bit, and so, we’d listen to some music together for about half an hour.

I’d tell her that my sleep is so horrible (she’d say she can tell) because I don’t have my meds, and I’m really fricking looking forward to taking them again. Without them, the quality of my sleep is terrible, and it takes so long for me to fall asleep at all if I don’t take them. She’d ask if I’ve taken them for a long time, and I’d say that I haven’t taken these particular meds for long because whatever I take, my body builds up some resistance to them pretty quickly, so after a while, I always have to get new ones, but I’ve taken sleeping meds for years now. “It sounds like they’re really helping you, right?”, she’d ask, and I’d nod and say “Yeah, they really do. I’m also taking antidepressants, and they were an absolute gamechanger for me. It’s okay if I don’t take them for a few days because they don’t work in the moment, but they like rewire your brain over time, and they’re the best thing that’s ever happened to my mental health. Before I started taking them, it was so hard for me to avoid bad thoughts or resist them, like, it was hell, but ever since then, it got sooo much easier, and not letting things get to me or not letting bad things really take over me is just so much easier now.” After a while, I’d say “I was at a psychiatric clinic voluntarily for six months, but I also had nowhere else to go, and the doctors and employees really abused their power. They only intervened when there was physical violence, they didn’t intervene in any other conflicts, so because of them, the patients constantly bullied each other. My doctor switched to another department while I was there, so I got a new one, and the new one wasn’t perfect, but at least, she cared. I got really lucky to get a place at a living group for mentally ill people, which was when I could finally leave. But honestly, all my experiences with mental health professionals since then have been better. I went to a different clinic for four or five days voluntarily in 2019, and even they were far better. “That sounds scary…”, she’d say. I’d reply “It was. But things got much better after that. I had lots of setbacks, like, you know, but if you get help, it’s always better.”

After the current song’s over, we’d lie down to try and sleep again. We’d smile at each other again in bed, and I’d give her a short-ish kiss before saying good night, and we’d both smile even harder after that 😁 And we would fall asleep for good after a while (it would still take me longer than her).

In the morning, Leanne would wake me up again. She’d show me that the door is unlocked and open by a little bit now (they’re “letting” her out for a few hours…),
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and we’d both just embrace and chuckle in huge joy, as we can go with plan A now, the less risky one! We’d remember to quiet down after a few seconds and whisper from then on out. I’d go to the toilet roll, take eight pieces, rip them into two bands of four pieces each, and roll each of them up into a little bunch. I’d give them to her and tell her to put them into the wall pieces of the door when she gets out (so it looks like the door is closed while it can’t actually lock) and give me an audible signal when the third floor is clear, so I’ll get out with my backpack, take out the toilet paper, and hide in her room.
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“Is there anything you want me to get from there?”, I’d ask. “No. Everything is here or at the Marinos’.” I’d go “Okay” and move on - since I’m almost definitely unable to come down to the second floor right away (I’m using American English in all of these episodes. “First floor” in American English = “ground floor” in British English; “Second floor” in American English = “first floor” in British English; “Third floor” in American English = “second floor” in British English, etc.), she’d give me a signal when coming back upstairs. We’d agree that when she comes back upstairs, if it’s safe to go to the second floor, she’d shout something, maybe in conversation, maybe some sort of cry, doesn’t matter, and if not, she’d kick something. She’d be locked upstairs again after that, so I’ll have to tell when to get further downstairs myself, which I’d do as soon as I’ve heard absolutely no sounds from inside the house for at least a few minutes. On the first floor, I’d get the DVD from March 11, 2001, and if the baptism tape isn’t clearly labeled among the tapes, I’d unplug the DVD player from the TV, turn on the player, open the DVD slot, and if the tape isn’t in there, I’d take all unlabeled tapes. I’d then listen in on the basement door for a few seconds, and if I hear no sounds from down there, I’d quietly open the basement door and go downstairs, and if no one’s there, I’d get out through the side entrance down there, out through the back gate, walk back to Spruce Street, drive my bike home, take a shower, watch the tape from March 11, 2011 like she told me I could, hide it somewhere at home, print out the document for the police, take it with me in an envelope, print out a second version of it to give to the taxi driver, so I can say “If I’m not back in an hour, please call the police for me and read this to them”. I’d then call a taxi (a taxi with a large trunk whose driver is allowed to drive to Allentown and back), load my gun, and leave for the Turners’ and get Leanne.

We’d see that Liam has replied by now. Of course, he’d be super worried, but he’s got our backs for the plan, and that would be really reassuring. We’d look each other in the eyes, and then, I’d hug her sooo tight for several seconds, and we’d have one loooong kiss (hoping it’s not the last time we see each other…) before she goes downstairs while looking back at me on the way before putting the toilet paper in the door. I’d then put on my backpack. Once Leanne loudly shouts “Mister Turner?”, that would be my signal, and I’d hide in her room for about 45 minutes before she’s “let” back upstairs and shouts “You can lock me in now, Mrs. Turner”,
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which is when I’d sneak into the storage/guest room and wait. It would take like five hours until I hear nothing for a while, which is when I’d sneak onto the first floor, look around to make extra sure no one’s there, and go to the living room. I’d get the tape from March 11, 2011, and the baptism tape would be among the labeled DVDs, and I’d put it into the box of the March 11, 2011 tape (I’d put the original DVD loose in there and use the spot inside the box for the baptism tape because it’s probably more important. I then wouldn’t hear anything from the basement, so I’d slowly and quietly go down there. No one would be there, so I’d leave as planned and go home and take a shower. I’d watch the March 11, 2011 DVD. I’d be surprised to see the interaction between Leanne and Dorothy for sure, but sort of knowing her, I wouldn’t think anything bad of it. I’d actually get it because of my past celebrity crushes (which I know isn’t what she was feeling for Dorothy) and the desire to meet them, especially with Blanche. I’d get why Leanne wouldn’t want the police to see it, it would look bad for her. I’d wrap up the DVD in a thick piece of paper and tape it to the back of my closet, between the closet and the wall. I’d burn the piece of paper in the DVD case in my bathtub with a bucket of water next to me just in case. I’d test if the DVD of the baptism tape still works (it does), rip it, upload the video file to Google Drive, add it to the document for the police, cancel my printing queue, print the document (two versions of it. The one for the taxi driver would just have a short introduction at the beginning, like, that I’m the person who ordered the taxi), order the taxi, pack my things for the next couple of weeks and anything that Leanne might need, so I’d include any clothes that I think could fit her, and go to the taxi. I’d tell the driver to get me one block away from 9780 Spruce Street (which isn’t actually a real address, by the way) and wait there for me. Before leaving for the Turner house, I’d give him the envelope with his version of the letter for the police and tell him what I said I would tell him. I’d then get my backpack with the gun in it from my luggage in the trunk, and walk to the Turners’ house.

I have already "written" so much more in my head, but I've now reached the end of what I've actually written down, so it will take longer until the next episode is out now! Hope you've enjooooyed this one!
submitted by ikieneng to teamleanne [link] [comments]


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