Swine flu and upset bowels

Hi there!!
Just curious if anyone has had the same reaction and how long it’s lasted! I’ve had IBS for the last four years and normally drinking wine has been OK for me. On Friday I was at the cottage drinking with some friends and for the last 3 to 4 days I’ve been having really bad cramping And my bowel movements are orange tint colour. It’s included diarrhea as well. It’s definitely time for me to remove alcohol from my normal life.
Just a little concerned because I haven’t really had a flare since starting on the antidepressant that has helped a lot. Super upset with myself that I did that because I was feeling so good as of last week.

I’ve had chronic insomnia from childhood.
I’m coming off a horrendous flu. I’ve slept for a week straight. My body was weak. I got back into work today, got off early because my mind and body couldn’t take it.
I’ve taken double my ivedal dosage which isn’t recommended but I have to get back to work tomorrow, and early! It’s now 2am.
Now, mind and body - wide awake. I’ve doubled with synaleve which helps. I’m just so fucking irritated.
I’ve had chronic insomnia since childhood, I could work off 2 hours sleep no issues. This year, I can’t for the life of me WAKE THE FUCK UP. It’s so upsetting. There are other circumstances but text limit.
When I don’t wake up, it sets a sour tone to my day knowing I can run on fumes. I’m medically managed professionally, I’m in fight or flight but this is fucking ridiculous. I take my meds consistently 9 pm. Sometimes I just have one of those days where I don’t sleep. Could go on for 2 straight days.
Sorry for the vent. I’ve already completed multiple deep breathing exercises. I just feel defeated. I know what cycle I’m about to step into. It starts with a level of low motivation, this and repeat.
I run my own company, I cannot have this.I’m just so fucking annoyed. Like I said, I’m happy if it was like every other year running off fumes and bouncing the day. But this year, I just can’t get up! There are other stressful extenuating circumstances, but it’s being managed.
Sorry for the vent. No permission given for this to be shared on any other platform.
Just wtf more yall? I’m just so annoyed. Thank you for reading, sorry for the rage.

TL;DR: My friend insisted she was too sick to see me during the 4 days we went specifically to visit her, but it sounded like an excuse.
I've been friends with L for decades. We've been what I had considered best friends. Our friendship has had some ups and downs, but nothing too major. When I got married several years ago, I moved to a different country. But I still visit my family and my friends once a year and we keep in touch via text and video calls (about 4 a year). The visits and video calls all have to be organized by me, btw.
I am a forgiving person, so when she did not come to my wedding and, more importantly, did not even try, I forgave her because I understood it would've been a major expense to travel and pay for the travel documents for it. When some years later I offered to pay for her and her new husband's tickets to come visit me if they got the travel documents, she never said no but never said yes. But she never tried to get the documents. I still cut her some slack.
Recently L moved to a different, neighboring, country and she's now 4 and a half hrs away by car. I visited her last year in her new hometown, then a second time we met up with her halfway (on her side of the border), and this visit was going to be my third time seeing her in this new country.
The first time I visited I went for just a couple of days and it was just me. Her mother-in-law was visiting as well at the time, so her husband was busy with work and entertaining his mom. My friend and I had a great time going everywhere just the two of us. The second visit when we met halfway, was very quick, just a few hours because she and her husband had to catch a ferry back. I know she'll never come to visit me because it would require her to get the travel documents she has never once tried to get (even though she now has a permanent residency card for the new country, which would make it easier to get documents to visit me).
This time I drove up with my husband to visit her. We took time off from work to make sure we had plenty of time to sightsee and visit, and we paid for 3 nights at a hotel. My friend and I planned a lot of activities together. We had started planning a couple of months before the trip. I was thrilled and incredibly excited. It had been YEARS since I spent my birthday with friends. It really meant a lot to me. We were to drive up on day 1, see her on her own while her husband was working on day 2, go out all of us together on day 3, and have more fun together before we headed back in the afternoon of day 4.
Day 1 as we were driving slowly making our way to where she lives, she told me she and her husband were feeling a little sick, but that they were taking some Tylenol to make sure they were better by day 2 (when the bulk of the activities we planned together that did not include her husband was going to happen). I told her to rest well and feel better.
By day 2 she said she was still feeling sick, with a temperature of 37.2ºC/99ºF (which is still considered within normal range FYI) and sniffles, cough, and watery eyes, and she didn't think she could join us. I was very, very disappointed, but I thought it might be better if she rested. We switched around the plans for day 3 so we could at least have lunch together.
Day 3 she was feeling better but didn't feel 100% and preferred if we saw each other for lunch on day 4, the day we were going to go back. I told her lunch had to be at 1 pm so we could get going around 2 pm. I asked if there was any way to see each other before lunch as well since I had come all the way to see her after all. A lot of back and forth ensued where we planned to meet at 10:30 am because her husband had an online event earlier, but we could watch them have breakfast (I declined to have breakfast at that time given that we were eating lunch at 1pm), then chit chat and have lunch at 1 pm.
Day 4 she sent a message that she had a "fever" of 37ºC/98.6ºF and wasn't feeling well (again that is an even more perfectly normal body temperature). And she had the flu and didn't want to get us sick. She also said that the weather was rainy and bad and didn't want to get worse by going out in that weather (the day was sunny and clear). She sounded proud that she was telling me early enough that we could still get some sightseeing done. I was devastated to say the least. I took a while to reply thinking of all the things I could say, but I finally decided that if she just didn't want to see me I was not going to beg or point out the inconsistencies. I replied with the equivalent of an "Ok I guess". When she saw that, she sent a message about how she was going back to bed and how she "might" feel better if we wanted to stop by on our way out of town around 1 pm so we could say hi across the lobby while wearing masks. At that point, my husband and I had decided to just go home early because I was devastated and doubted she would see us. A couple of hours later, she tried calling, and sent tons of texts, again explaining that she had been sick with a fever and that the doctor had at some point (she did not see a doctor at this time) told her that she's contagious if she's coughing. And no, she was not going to be able to see us for the couple of minutes she had hinted at. I proceeded to ignore her messages as I was very upset and we were already driving back anyway.
The next day (my actual birthday), she sent a text in our group chat about how she was so sad she had been sick after all that planning, but happy birthday.
I don't know what to think. Was she avoiding me? Was she truly sick? If so, why tell me the not-really-fever temperatures? Is it bad depression? Was she having trouble with her husband and this was a way to cover for it? I kept telling her we could do anything she wanted, we didn't have to sightsee or go anywhere. She never suggested meeting at an open area to chat and not worry about being contagious until the very end. I am so hurt and upset, but part of me is wondering if this is one big cry for help. If it is, how can I help her? Do I tell her to go to therapy? That is a big taboo in our culture, so I don't even know how to suggest it. What if she really thought she was sick? Will hinting that maybe she had something else going on insult her? How do I move past this? She broke my heart a little.
We've grown apart geographically and in our beliefs/interests as we got older and we both changed and got married, but neither of us has that many friends so we remained best friends by default. Do I just give up on the decades of friendship because she couldn't be bothered to see me during the trip?

Im 8dpo (31F lap turned abdominal. Kept ovaries and cervix) and i think im past the worst of it. While im still pretty much couch ridden, I figured I would put this out there to maybe help someone else preparing for their surgery! Obviously we all know these experiences are highly personal and will not be exactly like anyone elses experience, but I personally found it helpful gathering peoples experiences and reflecting based on what I know about myself so I thought id write the kind of post Id want to read! I tried to make easy to skim but also included plenty of details!
Heres some things Im glad I did beforehand

• washed and changed my bed sheets -cleaned my bathroom well
• moved things i knew i would need to a hight where I don’t have to bend down to get them. I moved my toilet paper to easy accessible places, my pj shirts and underwear on top of my dresser. Set up a bed stand for water and meds. Also moved my fridge around.
• as for buying stuff, i mostly had everything i needed but was glad to have comfy sweat pants, backless slippers and highwasted underwear. Also those rechargeable battery bricks were handy for charging my phone in the hospital or sitting somewhere not near an outlet. -exercised. Dont stress about this one, i know chronic pain is often the reason for this surgery. I had to stop my routine months before surgery for this reason. But I was glad to be familiar with proper squat form and have strong arms and legs to help get myself up and down without using my core. I also did yoga therapy that helped me understand how to transfer my weight to different parts of my body which helped too!

Heres some things i was extremely stressed about but ended up not being a problem
-Food. My mom came and cooked me some large portion of meals. I ended up throwing most of it away. The idea was to freeze some of it but it was too much of a hassle. I didn’t have much of an appetite and definitely gravitated towards things in the BRAT diet especially bread. I spent the first few days eating like i had the flu and was really sensitive to grease. My mom made wedding soup and it was too greasy. I think i could have survived this week just on a package of bagels and different spreads.
-cleaning and chores. Im pretty sure I have OCD.. this experience has confirmed it. I looked out at my thriving garden yesterday and said to my partner absent mindedly “wow. Things really thrive when im not out there being over involved “ and like wow that is a lesson i did not expect to learn. My partner has been clearing the dishes each day and did some more involved chores once this week. So if you live alone I would advise paper plates and maybe some to help ya once a week for the first week at least.
-in terms of my surgery i was really scared of having a catheter which i did end up needing to have for a day. It was weird but not at all painful. Honestly it was kind of the worst part of my recovery so far just because i felt i had to pee so bad while it was in. Idk if thats typical. Taking it out was not at all painful but also weird. They used the catheter to put sterile water back in my bladder. As soon as i felt a twinge of uncomfortable full feeling i told my nurse. She removed the catheter and i peed it back out no problem.
-being bored. This week has felt like one day. Since it takes me 10x as long to do anything, the days are flying by. I got myself plenty of low key things to do (crafts, activity books, ect) and haven’t even had time to do any of them yet! I still have a feeling this will change in the coming weeks though..
-having enough help. I secretly wished one of my friends or family members would stay with me for a while just so I could be the solo focus of their attention. I live with my partner and two dogs and he has been totally enough support. I needed help getting up and down up until about day 5. He also makes my meals and cleans them up for me and would bring me my meds and water the first few days. I think it makes sense if you live alone to have someone stay a week with you, but ive been fine and honestly anytime someone has come to “help” its just felt draining. I didn’t know how much of a hermit I would wana be.
-my dogs. I piled myself in pillows if i was sitting on the couch with them. I also had a no chew spray near by that we used when they were pups but only had to use it one time. My partner helped to coral them the first few days too. I have not yet been puppy stomped
-the stairs. Its been fine I just have to go slow.
Heres some things I found out along the way that were helpful

• keep cough drops in your pocket. Coughing aint fun and my throat was irritated from being intubated for about 4 days after surgery. Also keep the paper so you can spit em out when they’ve done the job if you want. I started getting a tummy ache from having too many.

-keep lil pillows by your toilet. The hospital gave me one that was plasticy and easy to wipe off (like an outdoor pillow insert). Or even a balled up towel would work. I couldn’t wear a binder because of all my incisions but this helped take the pressure off my stomach/incisions when i needed to have a bowel movement.
-if you stack pillows on either side of you, they can act as “arms” that are handy to push down on when you get up.
-sip your water and take your stool softeners as soon as they say you can! It took me until day 4 to poop but it was no problem when it happened.
-lots of deep slow breaths to calm your nerves and pain.

• those squeezable applesauce packs. Great for when you take your pain pills.

Heres some challenges I encountered that surprised me.
-my throat was so sore! For the first 4 days my throat was irritating, it felt like I had a flap of skin sticking down. The first day it hurt but the rest was just so annoying.

• breathing was a challenge. The first few days i was in bed, it was hard to breathe. I couldn’t take a Deep belly breath because of my incisions. I tried to regularly take a big breath filling my lungs though. Once i started being able to get up and walk around it became less of a problem. I think they have a tool for this at the hospital too but i was not offered it and forgot to ask.

-always laying on my back is getting old. I haven’t quite figured it out yet but im getting there.
-not really a challenge but my lower belly is numb. Apparently that can just happen (even long term). Which has actually been helpful since I can’t feel my lower abdominal incision at all
Lastly!! The pain/symptom scale: Day 0: honestly don’t remember much except feeling i need to pee and my throat being sore. Day 1: was still in the hospital. Pain like cramps and burning pain near certain incisions. I was able to walk the hall but very tired after. Sore throat. Day 2: burning pain near bellybutton incisions. Heavy lung feeling. Left the hospital. Day 3: heavy lung feeling. Pinching pain in incisions whenever I stood or sat. Had some moderate discharge that was yellowish with red and brown. Otherwise no pain Day 4: more like a sharp ache when i stood/sat. Discharge again but a very light amount. Day 5: felt strides..any pain was mild cramping. Tried to shower myself and make myself breakfast which led me to be very tired for the rest of the day. Day 6: most tired yet. Pain the same Day 7: felt like turning a page. Pain very little and energy very good.

TL;DR: ranting about my experience with clinicians + needing help with finding better doctors or better medical path (preferably affordable)
Hello fellas, I'm 22F university student currently having severe pain (joint, muscle, fatigue, migraine, etc) and it has been affecting my university life that I couldn't do my assignments as my wrists/hands/forearms constantly in pain, nor could I properly walk to class without pain in my soles/ankles/knees. I had looked around and even get suggestions from friends and they say I should try looking into HSD and definitely get this checked in general.
Unfortunately, there's little to no information about HSD in Malaysia, nor are there any list I could find of docs/specialists who qualify in HSD.
I've tried my luck with usual clinic/GP in hope that I could try get referrals to rheumotologist/genetist/specialist for my complications but bear no result and was instead traumatized.
First clinic in Wangsa Maju, he outright look away when I tried explaining my symptoms and how it's affecting me, and instead say it's just "anxiety" (this is coupled by the fact that I also could only come with my unsupportive dad who thinks my symptoms are "normal" and that I'm just stressed, and he took my dad's words more than me), the doctor even laughed at my symptoms.
So my dad angrily(towards me) drove me to a different clinic in Gombak seeing that I was extremely upset and cried due to how dismissive and rude the doctor was.
Second clinic in Gombak, at the very least he took my blood for testing, but was accompanied with "Kalau darah awak normal jangan sedih pulak, yer?" and repeated it 3 times so I "understand" in very condescending tone. This is definitely insinuating that I came here because I want to be sick soooo bad. He even lectured me about not to "tick tick everything in google" and said I should just ignore those pain so the pain stop bothering me... Which is literally crazy. How am I supposed to ignore when it's affecting my life especially with assignments? He also told me to never listen to my concerned friends because they're "enabling" me to get sick.
I also have to physically force myself in uni as well, as I live in fourth floor and the cafe and classes are so far apart. Being in art course is another killer as I'm forced to exhaust my wrists and hands. Unfortunately these pains do not appear Suddenly, I've been dealing with muscle and joint pain ever since primary, but my parents aren't concerned about it especially when you can just put minyak on them and call it a day. Even going to doctors in the past would just be met with "you're probably just stressed" or "maybe you have a bit of flu".
What's silly is that, the second GP also told me to just "take an hour of your day to walk and get some sun", when I literally told him in the beginning that I have problems with walking and standing in general (can't even last 5 minutes without my calf sizzle and tingles and my hips feel squashed + common ankle injury). Plus I'm already walking 4h+ in university in general and an hour of that is being in the hot sun. I also told him I'm looking to try out compression socks and he outright denied me using any aid since "you can just walk and exercise".
But my rant is over, I'm looking if someone could point me out on the right direction to get help with my health.
Unfortunately I'm also well aware that I probably need to book with private professionals for this to really get taken seriously, however I'm only a student and my family is B40. I was wondering if there's still away around this, or at least affordable path? If not, I'll just wait for the future but I still would like suggestions of any good specialists out there for future references. Plus, any suggestion you guys have on what I should do next would be nice too, as I'm quite lost and still very upset about my experience.
And if anyone has the same health issues as me but it isn't HSD, then feel free to let me know just so I'm aware with other possibilities. (of course I'm not looking for redditors to diagnose me, it's just so I can keep in mind).
Currently, I'm just taking the painkillers medications provided, but unfortunately the dose may be too low (only 50mg) as I do not have improvements at all with my pain. I've also tried investing in aids such as wrist and ankle braces, compression socks, and insoles (they haven't arrived yet so I couldn't comment much). Including exercises/stretches fit for hypermobile people (which actually doesn't hurt me unlike regular exercises).
Thank you for reading this far!
EDIT: not sure why I have to mention this, but to reiterate; I'm not diagnosing myself, rather I'm SUSPECTING. I'm highly open to other possibilities of illnesses of course, all I want is to get this pain properly treated and what ever the end result of the diagnosis is welcomed. If you have no input to help besides insults and judgement, then kindly project your anger somewhere else.

So I have experienced some PMS symptoms basically all throughout puberty: mood swings, cramps, tender breasts, sore muscles, etc. During my period I get the period poops (not diarrhea, y’know the ones).
But in almost 8 years I have NEVER experienced borderline stomach flu-like symptoms until last month.
Last month on the 22nd of April I experienced such horrible nausea (but unfortunately I couldn’t puke) and diarrhea. I didn’t think anything of it at the time, I thought maybe it was just an ordinary upset stomach. Went away after a couple days of pepto and eating noodles and crackers (which sucked because it undid my diet progress a little bit).
But NOW it’s the SAME exact issue as it was on the 22nd of April. Almost exactly a month later, May 21st, and I’m experiencing the same problem. Now I’m not so sure it was just a one-time thing.
April 22nd was five days before I got my period.
Today is about 4-5 days before my period is supposed to start.
Common denominator: week prior to period.
I’m a “once is an instance, twice is a coincidence, three times is a pattern” kinda girl, so I’m not gonna assume anything until it happens a third time, but I was wondering if this has ever happened to you ladies?
I know that a lot of women experience these nausea and diarrhea, but have any of you just abruptly began experiencing this after years of having your period and not having this problem?

So I have experienced some PMS symptoms basically all throughout puberty: mood swings, cramps, tender breasts, sore muscles, etc. During my period I get the period poops (not diarrhea, y’know the ones)
But I have NEVER experienced borderline stomach flu-like symptoms until last month.
Last month on the 22nd of April I experienced such horrible nausea (but unfortunately I couldn’t puke) and diarrhea. I didn’t think anything of it at the time, I thought maybe it was just an ordinary upset stomach. Went away after a couple days of eating noodles and crackers (which sucked because it undid my diet progress a little bit).
But NOW it’s the SAME exact issue as it was on the 22nd of April. Almost exactly a month later, May 21st, and I’m experiencing the same problem. Now I’m not so sure it was just a one-time thing.
April 22nd was five days before I got my period.
Today is about 4-5 days before my period is supposed to start.
Common denominator: week prior to period.
I’m a “once is an instance, twice is a coincidence, three times is a pattern” kinda girl, so I’m not gonna assume anything until it happens a third time, but I was wondering if this has ever happened to you ladies?
I know that a lot of women experience these symptoms, but have any of you just abruptly began experiencing this after years of having your period and not having this problem?

I mean this in no offense to anyone else who is going through this. I took a picture of my wound yesterday (4 days post op) since I can’t really maneuver in a mirror to see it. It was much larger and just.. different than what I expected honestly. (My surgeon really did not talk me through anything. Reddit has been my best friend in the process.) My husband has been wonderful throughout the whole process but I feel upset that one of my most intimate areas is nextdoor to a gash in my ass lol. I’m also wearing incontinence diapers and every bowel movement I have to jump in the shower. It’s summer and since I’m in Ohio, I feel like I should at least be out swimming or something since I’m lucky to get three months to do so. I feel so bored and defeated and unattractive this is the worst ugh. Thank you for listening to my rant

I am getting back into the game so to speak after a rather long hiatus. Have been losing weight, eating right, and then last night bought a new dildo and douche to prepare myself for having anal sex again. Well, after a few tries on the dildo of going further and further down it I pretty much got it all the way in. In the semi-darkness it looked clean as a whistle. When I checked it in the morning, before cleaning it, it still looked mostly clean as a whistle except for the tiniest amount of poo under the head of the penis that could almost act like a hook/lip/scraper for that sort of thing when it is inside you. Also, my ex of four years always used to compliment me on the fact that it was so clean up there. I have never once douched in my life but I know a lot of people seem to emphasize it these days. So my question is: Should I even bother? Dildo seemed pretty damn spot free and it was good enough for my ex even comparing his other partners. I am concerned douching could upset my inner apple cart too (figure of speech). How many of you? A. Have good diets or solid poops and don't douche. B. Have poor diets and don't douche. C. Have good diets or are blessed in the bowel movement area and still douche anyways. D. Have a poor diet and make sure to douche. Thus my original question: To douche or not to douche?

We recently went to a friends birthday party were we were out drinking all day and then into the night. All day he had been making little comments and embarrassing me. So by the end on the bus home I was really upset. I told him how upset I was and started crying but he wouldn't pay any attention to me. At this point, I am balling my eyes out and begging him to stay with me for 10 mins because he kept getting up to see his friends and get more drinks. But he did not listen to me at all and did not care that I was upset (this is so not like him). That morning he promised we would go straight home afterwards as we both weren't very well and getting over the flu. But on the bus home he told me he was going out and all he cared about was his friends. He was telling me to “fuck off” and “suck it” along with many other cruel things as I am balling my eyes out begging him to come home and stay with me. I have never ever seen this side of him. We have been together for 2 years. Once we finally got home I was so upset and cried all night and morning. He says he can't even remember most of the night but remembers being rude to me and says he regrets it very much and will never do it again. This whole situation has honestly broken my heart because I never thought he would do that to me. I don't even know what to do, how can I trust that he won't do this again?

A week ago today my mom’s dog was excitedly, running and jumping around when she all of a sudden let out the loudest screech. When we turned around to look at her, she had collapsed and then started dragging her back legs. Rushed her to an emergency vet, but they did not have an MRI, so had to drive an hour away to NYC where they did an MRI 24 hours later and diagnosed her with ANNPE. No surgery was needed, they said just crate rest for four weeks and then PT. They gave her a 50% chance of walking again. 😔 At the first animal hospital she still had deep pain sensation (she pulled her paw back a bit when they squeezed her paws with the tool)but by the time we got to NY they said she had no deep pain or reflexes. she spent three days in the hospital, and when she was sent home she had regained her reflexes but still no deep pain.
She didn’t have any type of movement whatsoever in her legs. Over the last few days, we have seen her legs twitching, tighten, lift very slightly, move her paw a tiny bit when tickling her paws, and she lifted her tail a little bit when she went to urinate (while laying). Her leg also seems to shake/very quick almost vibrating feeling at times, especially after doing stretches and home PT). When we sent videos to the neurologist, she seemed very pessimistic about it just saying that it’s probably just reflexes. But we were really praying that some of the twitching and tightening of her legs were some good signs. Even when we do some stretching at home and we have her on her feet she sometimes so stiff that she can almost stand with much less support from us. can anybody tell me what their very very first signs of improvement or recovery was? Besides the obvious of standing and walking.
Another question I had is when did everyone start outpatient physical therapy? I thought we should start way before four weeks. (The neuro is a resident and gave very little advice or help, I have a hard time trusting her expertise) But the Neuro insisted on crate rest until four weeks, no PT during them except the at home exercises. I understand not let her do any type of hard PT, but I feel laser therapy, hyperbaric oxygen chamber, acupuncture, stretching, etc. would be good for her in these early stages. Any and all recommendations are appreciated! We are all truly devastated over this. so sorry if this was long-winded. We just are alll so very upset and really looking for any sign of hope.
Also, this may be a dumb question. But how do you know if your doggie has regained bladder or bowel function? She had a bowel movement for the first time today but how do you know if she pushed it out or it just comes out?

I AM NOT OOP. OOP deleted their account before could capture the post.
OOP claims to be a husband and wife couple, and responds as such in the post.
Originally posted on amiwrong and updated in the same post.
Content warning: Mention of assault, sexual assault, potential child sexual abuse, PTSD (a lot), potential domestic violence, hands-on violence including choking
Original post with update - May 19th, 2024
AITA for kicking out a female house guest for touching me repeatedly in a non-sexual manner while I repeatedly told her no.
(See update at the end) Some context before I (32m) get into the situation as I feel it's important to how I reacted. I have been in two situations, one as a 6-year-old and at 28, that involved women and unwanted touching and beyond in both occasions I have been powerless as a child or incapacitated as an adult like unable to control my bowels or bladder kind of incapacitated. Both my wife and my guest are aware of my past. I'm trying to keep this broad stroke so as not to violate any rules, but again I think this context is important.
So on to the current situation. We currently have a (26f) friend who is living out of a tent, and we often invite her over so she can do laundry, shower, and other hygiene tasks. In this instance, I decided to hop onto my computer and play some games while she did her stuff and hung out with the wife while I chatted back and forth with them a bit. As she wrapped up her visit, she approached me from behind and hit me with a hairbrush not hard just to get my attention. It for sure startled me, and I did snap at her telling her to stop. I looked up at her from my chair, and she does it again, and I tell her to stop again while making direct eye contact with her, which she doesn't doing it once more and then demanding I hug her, which I refuse to do, telling her very clearly "fuck no, I don't want to touch you," and I follow that up with if you keep going like this I'm going to kick you out. She gives me a kinda laugh and says whatever, I'm leaving anyway and then touches me again.
I get to my feet now both extremely panicky feeling and angry we have a bit of a scuffle not a fight, and I end up shouting at her to leave and not come back. I felt entirely violated in my own home during all this, but both her and my wife insist it was just a game and she did not mean it despite me telling her no repeatedly and both my wife and the guest hearing it. I'm for sure not saying my behavior was great, and I've been seeking long-term treatment to help with my issues both mainly being PTSD related to my time as an Army MP and the events mentioned in my personal life. Despite that, I 100% should not have acted in anger like I did.
So am I wrong for feeling the way I do? Or is the wife and the guest right and it was just a game and she didn't mean it.
EDIT: to be 100% upfront it escalated and I reacted (badly) physicality was involved but as also pointed out I was near panicked and overwhelmed due to my past.
EDIT 2: EDIT: Gonna try and respond to a few more posts then I've gotta have a break. I do thank everyone that took the time to write out comments or interact with me.
Edit 3?: My husband gave me access to this account, and I told him I wrote down my perspective. When I asked if I should add it, he said "it's up to you." So here it is.
Our friend approached my husband, who was playing an online cooperative action game on his computer, at his desk. I was sitting on the couch about 8 feet behind them, waiting for my friend to be ready for me to drive her home. She was wearing a long night shirt with a loose v-neck. She stood at his left side peripheral for about 2 seconds before she tapped the back of her hairbrush firmly against the side of his left shoulder. I immediately was not comfortable with this, as I don't tend to engage in horseplay unless someone else has repeatedly demonstrated to me that it's a method of expression that they like and want. I do enjoy my husband's frequent physicality with me, including picking me up or tickling me. My friend and husband have engaged in horseplay on many occasions before, tickling, poking at one another's stomach, and playfully throwing soft objects. This often included my friend's fiance, who usually only reciprocated with my friend. I will frequently smack my husband on the butt, but only when I am sure he is in a mood to be okay with it.
My husband said, "Hey, I'm busy," and didn't turn to her at first. She hit him again with the brush in the same spot, and my husband said "stop" in a normal voice, and my friend responded, saying "give me a hug (which we almost always all do at the end of visits). I don't remember if she hit him again, because he said (and I'm going to paraphrase, because at this point I began to get alarmed, and was only listening to the tone of his voice, and less to his words, unfortunately) that if she didn't stop, he'd make her leave. She said lightly that it didn't matter anyway; she was leaving. At this point, I realized by her teasing tone that she didn't understand how upset he was getting, which I did understand, through years of experience with his tone of voice and what it means. He didn't raise his voice, and I could hear that he was attempting to remain casual as he said something else, ending with "my dude" but that she had really pushed him past the point of anger and I didn't think she realized it. She put her hand on his shoulder, and he said "I don't want to fucking touch you now" and he stood up, and grabbed her by the neck of her shirt, pulling her foreward, and then put both hands around her throat, and I saw his hands tense, as he leaned down into her face and told her to leave the house and never come back. He pushed her backwards and she started to cry, and put her head down, hurrying to get pick up her things. My husband sat back down at his desk and didn't say anything else until I told him I was going to take the friend home and I'd be back, and he said "sure." The friend cried during the ride home, and her voice was harsh, but I wasn't sure if it was stress or physical. She did have marks on her throat, but those faded over the next few hours. She asked me repeatedly why he got so upset, and if anything was different, and I did point out to her that he said "stop," and she said that she thought it was part of the play. When I returned home, my husband did not seem upset, and seemed more relaxed than before, although he seemed nervous about my response to the situation. He said that he didn't remember putting his hands around her throat when I told him that he did.
My thoughts about this are that:
horseplaying with people with trauma, which all three of us have, to various degrees and in various forms, is potentially dangerous, and I'm frequently uncomfortable when it happens, although I often don't say anything, as I'm usually the odd one out when it comes to initiating social teasing, although I often enjoy receiving it.
2.) Our friend should have stopped at the word stop. I don't know why she didn't, but I don't think it was out of malice, because she genuinely did not seem to see how she was provoking him.
3.) Her actions were inappropriate, in my opinion, but his were potentially life-threatening and the fact that he didn't remember what he did was alarming. I am concerned that this will happen again, and he will have charges pressed in a situation where he is the first physical aggressor. This would be even worse if he inadvertently harms someone, and the escalation of force combined with memory issues in this latest case makes me worry that it might happen.
4.) I possibly could have prevented this from happening by being quicker stopping her or by getting between them, but I know from experience that once he has a grip on someone, I'm not strong enough to break it, and he ignores my presence or physically shakes me off if I try. He ignores my words entirely at these times. I expected her to see that he was upset before he snapped, because it seemed obvious to me, but she didn't, and I have no idea why. She's had lots of trauma of her own (as have I, including SA) in the past (and, like me, has worked in jobs that revolve around dealing with people dealing with trauma).
Relevant Comments
Husband clarifies (many times) that he "wasn't trying to choke" friend:
Husband here. I actually went for her jaw or mandible for a hold a extremely common restraint grab used by MPs and some of my other work I faltered and grabbed her neck and shoved. Some confusion between my spouse as she only saw the me grab the neck as I did not remember it as she did, but I think it’s important her post stays as is since it’s her view. This person has been made aware of and in fine detail my reactive nature and my past and was a trusted person thus allowed into our home as she should’ve been well aware of everything. EDIT: Also thank you for taking the time to share about your experience and respond.
Magerimoje
To the husband ---
You need more help for your PTSD. More therapy to give you the tools you need to be able to tell when you are about to be triggered, and how to de-escalate yourself before you get to that point of reacting. Possibly meds too until you learn those skills and have those tools.
To the wife ---
You are likely a safe person for your husband, which means he's likely to be more relaxed in your presence, which means when he is pre-triggered he likely expects your help in de-escalating (not because it's your responsibility, but because that's been your pattern together so far - he has learned that you're safe and he has learned that you can reduce the things that trigger him)
Because you are the safe person, and because you have learned how to hear that pre-triggered state just by tone of voice, and because you've already established a pattern together that you're able to de-escalate, you need to step up when you hear that change of tone in his voice.
Whether that means you say to your friend "stop, he's not in a playful mood" or you say to your husband "hun, take a few deep breaths, you're safe" (or say both) but you have to do something [or you have to work together to stop the established pattern so his brain realizes you can't/won't be able to help]
Either option (helping him, or breaking the pattern) is acceptable, but together you two need to make that choice and then you need to stick with it.
If you're going to stay the safe person who helps, you have to help every time. His brain relies on it. It's an unconscious thought, but it's there.
My husband has PTSD too, and I'm his safe person, so I totally understand what it's like I have PTSD and my husband is my safe person,so I understand what that's like too. It's hard work, but you can't skip that hard work if you want to stay together. I think the work is worth it, but I can only choose for myself, you have to choose for yourself.
To both of you ---
Horseplay is one of the worst things for PTSD. Stop that immediately. No pranks. No unexpected jokes. No horseplay.
If you want to make each other laugh or laugh with friends, tell dad jokes or knock knock jokes or Cards Against Humanity. No physical comedy. No unexpected touches. No touching that's surprising or even "playfully" hurtful. No intentional startling. STOP THE TRIGGERS
My verdict ---
ESH everyone needs more therapy, and everyone needs to change behavior patterns.
Husband here. Firstly thank you for taking the time to write out such a detailed and thoughtful response it really is appreciated. Also basically agree with what you’ve laid out for me I need more tools and yeah meds is definitely one of those. I’m very hopeful that due to a recent VA rating bump I’ll have more options that work towards my own specific needs.
Nuhhuh
You both need to focus on controlling your own feelings and actions instead of expecting everyone around you to be able to read your subtle signs and magically adjust their behaviour. You are both intellectualising the issue to avoid how unhealthy all reactions are involved. You both should do some work on finding yourselves outside of each other. This is a very unhealthy codependant relationship. No one should be this non-chalant about poorly executed physical force. To believe that is some kind of excuse shows how deep in denial you are. You, dear husband, are dangerous to those around you and should be deeply upset with yourself.
Husband here. No one is happy this is basically the worst possible outcome. As in the post but I’ll go over it again here it was the worst possible way to react, and with that being said I’m not looking for justification. She’s been a friend for years and has been made aware of all my issues in detail and what lines I draw with them until recently she is been fine stopping. Hopefully that clears things up more I can definitely answer more if you want.
Nuhhuh
I don't think you understand what I said. You are further intellectualising here to make excuses for your behaviour. I don't think you are a bad person, but you are not taking responsibility for how your lack of dealing with your PTSD and your emotional regulation is harming the people around you. Your wife is making excuses and monitoring your behaviour like an abused woman because you aren't handling your emotions. Your friend 'being aware of your issues in detail' isn't an action plan.
You need to go into some deep therapy. You are currently a ticking time bomb for the people around you and you need to look inward to address those issues. You are the problem and you are not showing any signs of working on the root of the issue, instead you focus on reason and explanations to make others do the work for you. Sadly, that never ends well. Look into DBT, EMDR, and access the VA for better psychological support. I am a veteran, I am not just talking out of my ass. You need help.
RelatableMolaMola
Wife: You saw that he was getting upset and you saw that she didn't realize he was getting upset. You also know his history. Yeah, you can't break his grip once he gets to the point of putting his hands on someone but you could have stopped her from teasing him when it became obvious he wasn't taking it the way she thought. Why did you not get up and stop her instead of watching her push him past the point of no return?
I am absolutely not defending his actions and I find it frightening that he seems to not remember putting his hands on her throat, unless he does and that's what he's glossing over in the OP. Frankly I would not be able to stay with someone with that kind of response, no matter how great they are when they're not triggered to that point. I have been choked in an abusive context before. Do not recommend. BUT you seem to be aware that he is capable of this and you stayed. So at that point I think you have some responsibility to other people who you see provoking him in a manner that could elicit that response.
(The wife) I do. You're right. I am beyond sad that I didn't do it, and yes, I really should have acted faster. My parents used to fight, sometimes violently (usually just breaking stuff and yelling) and when it comes to people I care about, I don't handle their out-of-control anger well. After this incident happened, I sort of lost all my emotions for several hours, which I guess isn't unusual for me in a situation like this. Professionally it's very different, and I don't react like this at all. I feel like it would be good for us to discuss some sort of protocol for times like these so that the both of us can be more prepared. I would suggest exposure therapy or something to keep me from dissociation or whatever it is, but how would one even do that? I'd like to be able to do or say something in the moment that would help, but idk. I love him and he's awesome (and ordinarily one of the most chill, easygoing fun people and i love that about him), and this stuff isn't his fault, but I'm afraid of future legal and personal issues it might bring down on him.
Marked as disturbing if real, sad in general.
No brigading, no harassment, on the chance the OOP pops up again with a different account.

FTM 16 weeks pregnant. In laws live on the east coast and want to book flights ahead of time around the time of our due date to be here ready to meet the baby when born. I’m generally a pretty private person. I’m also genuinely scared about the labor ahead and how torn up my body may be after the fact. Being a FTM, I really don’t know what to expect or how my recovery will go. I went through IVF for this pregnancy, so the whole process was quite traumatic. Probably partly due to that, I’m also scared about my in laws passing flu or other things to my baby after coming off a plane.
My in laws are very nice people, but can be overbearing. My FIL doesn’t really understand boundaries (he once followed me into the bathroom instead of getting the message that we were done chatting). I wouldn’t expect either of them to be hugely helpful with the types of things I’d want help with (cooking, cleaning), and think they’ll just want to pass the baby around. I also think it would be so stressful for me to have them in town during the home stretch of pregnancy, just waiting for me to have the baby.
I’ve expressed to my husband that I would like to tell them we will let them know when we’re ready for visitors and that we don’t know when the baby will come or how long after that we’d be ready for visitors. My husband is on board and supportive, but so nervous about offending and upsetting his parents. The conversation was broached the other day, and my FIL was shocked that we might want to bond as a family before having visitors. My parents are local too, so he immediately made the comparison and asked if my parents would also wait to meet the baby. My response is anyone who is coming over is coming to help me, not to meet the baby. And the priority will be my comfort, not fairness. I absolutely cannot be tits out nursing in front of my in laws as that would be mortifying for me.
One compromise that was suggested was to allow them to book plane tickets for 2-4 weeks after the due date. They would stay in a hotel. I still worry about how I’ll be doing and how much time we’ll have to ourselves to bond as a family, depending on when I end up actually delivering.
For those who’ve been in a similar position, how soon after having the baby we’re you feeling well enough to have out of town visitors over? 2 weeks? 4 weeks? I think it’s probably different for everyone which is why I’d like to decide after I’ve had the baby and have a better idea of what I’m dealing with recovery-wise.
Any good suggestions on how to approach the conversation or compromise? I really do want to have a good long term relationship with my in laws, and also want the same for my baby with her grandparents. I know I’m lucky to have in laws that care and are excited, and I feel guilty pushing them away. Is it selfish to ask them to wait until we feel ready?
ETA - Wow I wasn’t expecting so many responses! Thank you all for your helpful input and advice. I’ll do my best to continue to advocate for myself and baby!

I mean some kind of viral or bacterial illness, not cancer, genetic disease, autoimmune disorder, etc.
Currently recovering from some nasty viral infection that’s had me down and out for a week now. I went back to work late last week because I thought I was turning a corner, but I left work on Friday feeling worse than I did when I first got sick. Nasty sore throat and cough, bad laryngitis, fever, and a double ear infection. I got antibiotics for the ear infections and slept all day on Saturday, and I think now I’m finally getting better.
This certainly isn’t the sickest I’ve ever been, but I haven’t been this sick in almost a decade. It totally caught me off guard. I’m used to catching something and feeling just fine after a day or two. I’ve had Covid twice and both times I barely felt sick after the first two days. Even the days I felt sick it didn’t feel any worse than a nasty cold.
Certainly, the worst thing I’ve ever had was the swine flu when I was 11. I ended up with pneumonia and after a brief stay in the hospital I spent two weeks confined to my bed. My parents had to help me walk and stairs were out of the question entirely. I mostly slept and got out of bed only to use the bathroom.
Most of that time is a feverish haze, but I do remember feeling frightened by the level of alarm and concern that I picked up on from doctors and my parents. A few local kids had already died from complications of H1N1 so my parents were right to be scared.
I knew I must be very sick when my parents, who never ever let my siblings and I have a tv in our room, brought an old tv up from the basement (one of those ray tube clunkers) and turned it sideways on the floor so I could watch it without picking up my head. My aunts and uncles were sending me magazines and books to read while I recovered and my teacher sent me a box of get well soon cards from everyone in my class.
Honestly, this is maybe the first time in my adult life where I’ve spent so much uninterrupted time resting. It’s been oddly reflective and now that I’m no longer on death’s doorstep I’m kinda enjoying it.
Before I went to the doctor I thought I might have had strep throat which lead down a rabbit hole of reading about common illnesses before the advent of modern medicine. I didn’t realize that scarlet fever was just an advanced strep throat infection, and I was a little shocked that plenty of people (children mostly) still come down with scarlet fever.
I honestly thought that scarlet fever was one of those Victorian illnesses that had been mostly wiped out through vaccination. It’s incredible to me that a disease that used to be the 9th leading cause of death (!) is still incredibly common, but complications from step or even scarlet fever are rare because of the effectiveness of antibiotics. Strep throat used to kill you dead, and now you can knock it out with a course of amoxicillin, it’s hardly a big deal.
Okay, I’m done ruminating. I have one day of rest and languish left before I return to the world of the living. Tell me a story about your worst illness. I’m invested.

About two months ago, I started getting a burning sensation in my chest, sore upper back and pain in armpits. I went to my doctor and they said it seem to be stress related because when I went in, I was quite upset about it but they didn’t do any test to make sure that everything was okay and a week later It was still really intense pain so I ended up going to the ER I got an x-ray and an ECG and they both came back fine, so the doctor there said it seems to be muscular or a sprain in my chest/back, something along those lines. It started to get a little bit better, but a week after that I got hit with some sort of flu/Covid and I’ve been out of it for close to a month and now this chest pain has come back really badly and I’ve got really bad pain in my ribs, underarms my back and abdominal pain. I actually went back to the doctor, did a blood test and a stool sample. The blood test came back perfect. My stool sample came back slightly over and they said it seems to be a viral infection that I had this was about a month ago, but I have still been having really bad chest back and armpit pains. I guess I kind of just want a little bit of advice or reassurance in a way,that after having a viral infection, if you’ve already got a sprain or anything, is that likely to be flared up from this viral infection just be causing this pain to linger up little bit longer than normal it’s obviously hard not to worry when it’s in your chest and it’s constant. Or how long do sprained muscle last for? I’ve always been really healthy and always worked out I have been going to physical therapy for the past six months because I also have a pinched nerve in my trapezius which was pretty much healed until all of this happened and that flared up as well so this is another thing that could be contributing to this pain, but no doctor that I’m seeing is really giving me that reassurance, my concern is is that I’m going travelling in two weeks for three months. I’ve been resting I haven’t been going to the gym I have been just going for walks I’ve alternating between naproxen and ibuprofens and paracetamol. It helps a little bit, but not for too long.
Any advice for input would be great :)
I am 25, female average weight for my age and height

We have a soon to be seven year old who has a delicate constitution. He is prone to picking up stomach bugs, maybe once or twice a year - even changing his food slightly can set him off. We have recently discovered there's a plant in the garden of our new house which may be the cause of his current upset (it is being removed) but he has evacuated his bowels three times indoors in the last 36 hours.
We also have two toddlers - four and two. I am obviously concerned about the dog but even more so about what impact the mess might have on the children given they share this space. No amount of bleach and disinfectant will allow me to believe that the space is fully clean for them. Our dog generally sleeps between our living room and dining room at night (the door between them is left open so he has plenty of space and access to his food and water) but I cannot continue to leave him there when I know there's a high likelihood he is going to make a mess.
I do not have any obvious other place in the house to secure him at night where the mess might be less of an issue and I am struggling to come up with any better idea than buying a kennel and putting him outside at night until his stomach his better. To be absolutely clear I do not wish for him to live outside for anything other than a short period (two-three days until we can be sure he's back to normal) as that's not why we got a MS and it is certainly not what I think is best for him medium to long term. We live in the UK and I have no reason to think he'd be in at any real risk of harm in our garden - he'd be secured, it's not particularly cold, he'd be dry etc.
The reason I am posting is to ask if anyone has any other ideas or suggestions as to how to better manage this as I'm not keen on making him sleep outside but cannot currently see a better option.

I’m (30 F childfree) 4 days post-op from a total laparoscopic hysterectomy with bowel resection, removal of stage iv endo and adhesions, and removal of my appendix. I have been having absolutely terrible pain since my surgery. I have been using ibuprofen and acetaminophen to handle the pain, and for the most part it works well. No BM yet—I did not take the Sennokot they gave me. Otherwise I am up and walking around, able to pee, able to shower by myself, etc.
I just want to know when does the pain end. I got an allergic reaction to the binder they gave me and had to stop wearing it yesterday. I am having difficulty sleeping because of the pain. It seems that so many people heal quickly, and I’m so upset that I’m still dealing with this.
Update: finally went and wow that was not NEARLY AS PAINFUL as my period poops!!

Every day, for like the past month or two, like a clock.
Not in the morning. Morning goes fine.
3 pm. It starts. Slight cramps. Urge to go now. A little bit comes out, small soft bits. Or a longer one. But only one. If it's a good day, it will happen twice and I will be fine. But on most days... Repeat every 15 min for the next four hours. Or more, if I'm unlucky. And it cuts my appetite, and I can't get in the calories that I baldy need because I'm now officially underweight.
If I get too fed up with it, I take Dicyclomine and it stops it, but upsets my stomach and makes me anxious.
Is this because of lack of fiber? I don't have a lot in my diet. Really really fed up 😭 Now, I'm anxious when the afternoon comes, hoping I won't be on the toilet all afternoon.
Edit 10 pm bowel movements stopped at 7, but I'm still having abdominal pain. Finally took a dicyclomine. Hope it kicks in fast and doesn't give me nausea.
Really really tired of this.

I was having such a good week mon-Friday, consistent bowel movements, no more trapped wind (have had it for 2 months straight prior to this), had much more of an appetite thsn I have in months, actually was wanting and enjoying food. Then wanted to make sure even though I wasn’t hungry and was working on Friday night not to miss dinner so bought a sandwich, saw it had onion in the description but assumed it would be fine (it never has been). Ate it, thought it was fine, then started tasting really strong onion, before I knew it my stomach had tripled in size, no wind was able to come out, I felt that horrible rock feeling in my right side that I had been dealing with for months, I felt sick and nauseous and completely lost my appetite. I had ruined the streak and initiated a flare up because of my own stupidity…
Since then I’ve felt so upset and angry with myself I’ve taken it out on food, making things so much worse. For me when I’m flaring the best thing to do is just not eat, give my stomach time to play catch up as it sluggishly tried to digest a single bit of bread. But have messed up countlessly by forcing myself to eat thinking it’s the ‘right thing to do’ when deep down I know I’m only doing it out of comfort. Wanted and needed to skip dinner tonight, instead made a massive salad (I literally NEVER eat salads so dk why or where this came from) full of kale, lettuce, cucumber, walnuts, goats cheese, roasted root veggies etc. I am so stupid.
Idk what to do, I want to fast and give my stomach a break from food but keep messing up and giving it worse things. I’m mostly just so angry at myself for ruining this streak for no good reason, I would’ve been better to just have missed dinner and caused some bloating rather than eating a sandwich with a trigger food in it and initiate a flare up and not get back to that good streak for god knows how long (last time it took 1.5months for a good couple of days after constant wind and lack of appetite)
I guess I’m looking for advice on a what to do now, what to eat, what to avoid, how to lessen the damage and how to never be stupid to do this again? Just feeling super deflated that I ruined what had been a massive step forward in terms of digestion and now I’m sitting on the toilet with my stomach convulsing in all kinds of ways…