Credit debt and counseling

So last time I posted an update, I got denied for multiple apartments and had decided to just work on my credit until I could qualify for an apartment. Well, the roommate I was looking with reached out to me after her own trouble finding a place and convinced me to try one more time at a place that doesn’t look at credit as closely at others do, as they place more emphasis on having income at least 3x the rent, which we had between the two of us.
And we got it! My mom (and 1 dog and 4 cats, with my other 2 dogs claimed) has to be an illegal, but split 3 ways, my housing costs are around $740- including utilities and renters insurance, and assuming a high utility usage month. It’s a 2 bed, 2.5 bath townhome, so we all have our own toilets, and I just have to share a shower with my mom. According to the floor plan, the dining and living rooms are separate, so we shall be turning the dining room into Mom’s room. We move in June 11th. Now the rest of the year will be paying back my grandma and building up my initial emergency fund.
I’ll have roughly $600.00 extra a month after all bills are paid (including a $75/check spending amount), and will be splitting that in half, with the first half going to my grandma and the second half going to my emergency fund. Next year will be paying down my debt and contributing the full match (6%) to my retirement. :)

So a little backstory, my wife and I , married 20 years, 3 kids , she cheated and wanted the divorce. We both agreed 4 years ago in the separation agreement, written by a family law attorney, that we would have 50/50 custody with me being primary. She got half the equity from our family home that I kept ($40,000) and I paid off all her debt ($25,000) and she got her 2016 Tahoe that was paid off . This was in 2020 . We’ve co-parented extremely well , we actually get along great , I keep her involved in all activities and we split child expenses (70%- 30%) with me paying the 70% because I make significantly more than she does. She makes about $55,000 per year tax free from military disability and I make about $140,000 per year . Most of my discretionary income goes to my teen daughter’s car and insurance, cell phones for 2 daughters, cruises and vacations with the kids and I pay for most extra curricular activities. We both agree with this set up . My ex , to her credit doesn’t believe in mandated child support if both parents work well together. So we file a few months ago for uncontested divorce, because everything was sorted out and distributed 4 years ago when we separated. The judge decided our arrangement isn’t sufficient and ordered a hearing, stating that she had major concerns for the fairness of the agreement because no mandated child support was stipulated (we both signed documents waiving it) . My lawyer is beside herself and told me she’s never seen this in over 25 years of family court law . My ex told my attorney that she will adamantly deny any exchange in child support in court before the judge if need be. My feelings and my ex’s feelings are , if what we have been doing for 4 years has worked great so far , and both of us are financially secure and supporting our children together, why does the court feel they need to get involved and insert themselves, She has a great apartment and a nice new car and is doing fine. I agreed to pay the majority of child expenses because I made more , it’s been working great for 4 years. My ex and I get along very well and have great communication. Has anyone seen this before?

Living with my family is severely wearing down on my mental health. It has just been a very emotionally unavailable and toxic environment for years to the point I now suffer with depression. I’ve reached my breaking point as I got called mentally ill and crazy by my mother for losing a LOT of weight, quite uncontrollably, due to my health problems (I have a very bad case of IBS, which is only worsening because of the stress I have living in this house, and a bunch of other deficiencies). This is not the first time my health issues have been disrespected by my parents as well. I feel extremely trapped.
I’m 18 years old, have been poor my whole life and live in council housing with my parents. My father lost his job this month so I’ve had to pay £400 out of my savings for bills, groceries etc. and I was lucky to not have to pay our rent as he managed to get a universal credit claim and an advanced payment to pay that. My father is in a shit ton of debt with no savings, same with my mother who is also stubborn and doesn’t want to work so I was the only option as I had money (which I had saved up from monthly £290 universal credit payments for the past couple months). These were savings for long term travel.
I do not have a job or any work experience. My only “work” at the moment is an unpaid, remote, digital marketing internship to gain experience in this field. My health makes it quite difficult to do on-site work and even with this I must have sent hundreds of applications for these jobs (like fast food, retail etc etc..) and I have never gotten anything back for MONTHS. And I’ve tried remote call centres too which was recommended to me by my work coach. No luck. I failed my alevels and wasn’t able to retake them at my college so I do not have qualifications to go to university, and honestly want to avoid going back to education for the time being if I can. I cannot afford to rent a place in my city.
I’m not sure of my options at this point. I’m in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend who lives in Australia, at this point I’m considering blowing the rest of my savings to stay with him. For further reference, I live in the UK on a settlement status so this would be seriously expensive. I just don’t want to be in this house anymore. My friends do not have their own places either so I cannot stay with them.
ADVICE ONLY.

Advice on 30,000k Debt
Hello all,
I was hoping to get a bit of advice on the best way to tackle some debt I accumulated when I was in my early 20's living above my means.
20k secured personal loan using my car as collateral through onemain financial. 30% interest
10k personal loan through mariner finance that got sold to a collections agency
4 credit cards, 3 of which are still open. Total around 2k
IRS - long story short I owe them around 4k from back taxes from when I received an inheritance.
I'm drowning here and having so many different payments all coming out at different times at such high interest is killing me. I make decent money, but I'm always in the negative trying to catch up. My work uses ADP and I tried reaching out to a debt consolidation company through them amd they said they can't do anything with the personal loans, which are the main crutch.
Any advice would be much appreciated.
Thank you

Like the title says I’m 21 and just graduated from college with a degree in education. I’m waiting to be approved for New York State initial teacher certification. I have $30k in student debt and about $1,500 to my name. I have a 2004 Lexus RX (115,000 miles, in excellent condition other than several large chips in the paint), worth about $8k. The car is registered under my dad’s name and my parents pay the insurance, but we agreed that when I get my first full time job they’ll put the car in my name and I’ll start paying the insurance. I own a high quality musical instrument, worth about $5k (worth it since I’m a music teacher). I have two open credit cards, no credit card debt, and my credit score is 750. Rent is $700/month plus utilities and I’ll be starting grad school in August, paying out of pocket. Tuition will be $550/credit hour, my degree is 30 credit hours. Teachers in New York State are required to complete their Master’s degree within five years of when they start teaching. I’ll be applying this summer for K-12 teaching jobs in Western NY (hopefully around $50k starting salary), but if I don’t get hired I’m going to substitute teach while I work on my Master’s. Subs in my area make about $135/day. Over the summer I expect to make $3,700 total working as a counselor at a day camp and as an orientation leader at my college.
I’d like to own a house in upstate NY or the Midwest and eventually have kids. I’d like to avoid living with my parents or asking them for money. In a few years I want to be able to buy a nice ring for my girlfriend and have a nice wedding. Girlfriend is also studying to be a teacher and has a similar amount of debt, she will graduate next year. We’ve agreed that while we want to prioritize paying off debt and saving up for our future, it’s also very important to us to travel and see the world in our 20s before we have kids.
I understand that my position is privileged compared to many, and I want to make a long-term plan now to figure out where to go from here. What should my next 15 years look like? How many credits should I take per semester in grad school? How aggressively should I pay off my student loans? Should I do something about the exposed metal and chips in my car’s paint job? How much fun can I afford to have in my 20s? When should I start investing, and where, and how much? How much should I save? What will the timeline to home ownership look like? When will I be able to afford to have kids? Thank you!

24 year old, wife 1 child. Relocating for job, new homeowner, $325,000 home mortgage + utilities around 2500-2700. Plan on refinancing with VA loan once out of military, non super well versed on the refinancing process. Would I be better off waiting for interest rate drop, my parents are fine with me taking over on the mortgage now that I am free from rent on my previous residence.
I will be in the service for at least the next 3 months, current income is around $4200 a month below is expected given job offer and likely VA percentage, could move down or up but likely to be around this.
Income - expecting 100% VA disability $3,946 -Salary w/o commission $4,200 Commission est $25,000-$60,000 Low end $2,500
Total income after august $10,646
Debt: Turning in lease, will need vehicle preferred newer model truck if reasonable for budget Est $700 including insurance Wife car+ insurance $560 Credit cards $12,000 $6,000 in 0% apr for 16 months from now
Would like to prioritize paying off other cards as quickly as possible and pay off 0% by end of 16 months.
I will likely add around 2k in credit card usage by the time august comes around and I’m able to start my new job.
Payments Home 2500 Cars 1200 Debt As much as possible to pay off and reduce interest payments
Is 14-16 k in credit card debt a terrible place to be considering I will be having a huge income increase in the near future? I feel like it is not and I will be able to be relatively comfortable once I start my new career. Just have to get through the next 4 months being as frugal as possible I suppose.

I acquired to have JG to handle my debt for a set fee. I do remember them telling me that they will settle within 6 months an about 4 to 6 to see a bump in my credit. If any debts could not get resolved, they would return some of the money paid and I’d deal with it myself. Problem is I only have 3 accounts I wanted them to handle and only 1 of those has been getting paid for. It’s been 7 months already. My question is, to anyone who’s used JG or is familiar, what would happen if I terminate the contract? Will they return the money I’ve paid like they mentioned since none of those accounts got paid for? And what will happen the the account that they already settled with?

I feel like fixing my financial health is one of the last big hurdles I need to accomplish before I will start feeling like I am okay with the setbacks and limitations of living with bipolar disorder for the first 12 years of my adult life prior to achieving medical success. I have so much shame. There was financial control and abuse between my parents and one of my traits from growing up in an abusive home is an extreme need for independence regarding survival essentials. Money. Living away from them. Perfectionism and overworking.
I make a good salary in the low 6 figures. My boyfriend wants to move in together. He makes a little more than me but he’s been making this type of a salary the entire time and is in a really good spot financially. I need to talk with him and I just don’t know how to do it right now.
There’s so much shame tied to my debt. I was in law school when I had my first debilitating manic episode and then it all made sense. I was at the part of law school where you finally have enough time and knowledge to start making money part time during school. My plan for the entirety of law school was to work as much as I could to put myself in a good position to graduate on good footing. I was completely unable to work for the entire time from the manic episode a month before my second to last year through the time until I took the bar exam.
At the time, I had a mild amount of credit card debt. A few thousand dollars. I did what I felt I needed to do to get by without needing to rely on my father to get by.
Instead of working that year I started almost 3 years of medication trials and instability. Even hypomania is debilitating as an attorney because it destroys my ability to concentrate and keep an even keel.
But most of all, antipsychotics were continually pushed on me and the physical side effects were debilitating. I slept for 12 hours a day and gained 40 pounds. I couldn’t regulate my body temperature on some of them. Once my beach umbrella blew away and I was literally too slow to grab it and stop it from hitting another persons tent.
I relied on student loans and on credit cards for my third year and it got bad. My first job paid low but was worth the career experience for a year. My brother was sick with cancer, I was studying for the bar, I paid for bar prep, I was in an abusive relationship where I was pressured into paying for everything and where he got me to even pay for his laptop repair claiming that my car stepped on it and broke it. I was so broken down from the med side effects that life was just happening and I tired to get through each day with minimal damage. My parents didn’t believe I was sick and this guy took care of me literally when I was disabled. Except that it was in a manipulative way way. He accidentally exposed my cat to lily toxins and I had to pay $2500 at the vet, he didn’t help with a penny. I couldn’t let the cat go, he saved my life more than once.
My debt got worse. I consolidated and my parents helped me with a loan, but it still got worse when my pay was low. I had a lot of medial expenses. Therapy. Psychologist. IOP. Prescriptions @latuda $86 to poison myself. I also had a nasty colorectal condition that was very upsetting and painful and required surgery.
I was struggling daily with wanting to be alive and debt was a minimal concern. I said ok it won’t be so bad when I make $150K this is temporary. I was still trying to work at a mental capacity that had changed after having a severe manic episode and realizing I can’t just grind my way into success because I’m limited.
I moved away and got a job with better pay. I’m trying, but this is so hard. I still owe my parents money and they can’t forgive it for me because they have their own debt. My mom took it in for me on a 0% card.
My credit score says it’s about a 665-675. I have a lot of debt but a good payment history. I just need help. I need advice to talk to him. I need encouragement.
I’m having such a bad day. My city’s local university is hosting an encampment protest demanding the school “terminate” their Jewish student center because the organization is affiliated with Israel and incorporating “there is only one solution” into marches that have come past my office window at a volume that could be heard anywhere in my office suite.
I am heartbroken and so triggered over this. Apart from the Jewish stuff, the Hitler reference is very triggering for me as a person with a mental health disability because I’m really freaked outabout the recent embrace of physician assisted suicide for mental health. I don’t trust psychiatrists to have my best interest in mind nor do I trust us when we are sick to be rational about a choice like that.
I have an assignment due to a partner who has all but said he thinks I am incompetent and am in anxiety paralysis about it. I’m in doom panic mode thinking about everything that is wrong.
I feel like I want my finances to be private but I don’t want to keep secrets from my boyfriend. I would save $1000/month if I moved in with him. He would save $750. I’m ready for that commitment and he is too but I feel like I need to be transparent before we make such a big step.
Pls help pls advise. Crying in the tub rn 🛀

Non stop bullshit my entire life. Its like bad luck is my best friend. I have scabies that no one believes me I live in a building with bed bugs that no one will take care of and I can't move out of cuz I can't afford the currently raised rent in my city. My bf of 15 years stole all my money and left me in credit card debt that I cannot pay off now. My friends and family don't speak to me anymore cuz I never see them and have missed important events due to my apparently perceived scabies. They think I was just making excuses to not spend time with them or something. So I'm done. I think I'll end it tonight. I will not be leaving a note since no one in my life will care why I did it.

I’m meeting with a lawyer in two weeks to start the process of filing bankruptcy. I’m in Illinois and at my full-time job I make $51k before taxes. My apartment is $1k per month, and I have no car loan. I do have medical expenses of about $250-$300 per month. I have $23,921 in credit card debt and another $8,100 on a personal loan.
I’ve been working a second job (taking home about $800-850 extra per month) for the past year in an attempt to try to make progress on it, but with my medical expenses I haven’t actually made any progress beyond paying off one $1k limit card.
My health has taken a real downturn from working seven days a week, and the financial counselor I spoke to through my EAP agreed that I can’t keep working this much and would be a good candidate for bankruptcy.
My question is when should I quit my second job. I cannot make my minimum payments (just over $1k) without this income. Would it be better to quit now and have a few weeks with just one established income before meeting the lawyer, or should I wait until I talk to him in two weeks and see what he says? My gut says to wait until I talk to him, but my mum is urging me to quit ASAP because of the impact on my health.

Hi everyone,
I'm reaching out because my family is in a tough spot right now. My dad recently lost his job, where he was the sole breadwinner. He worked in sales and management but doesn't have formal training or a college degree. After being fired, he applied for unemployment benefits, but the company fought it, citing poor work performance. He never received any warnings or formal complaints, and the small company lacks an HR department, allowing them to fabricate complaints. We can't afford to hire a lawyer to fight this.
My mom's income isn't enough to support our family, and I'm away on an internship, unable to contribute significantly because my internship pay check is just enough to cover my food and rent. My dad, in his 50s and not in the greatest health, is struggling to find another job in sales or management. Age discrimination seems to be a barrier, and this situation is taking a toll on all of us. We went through a similar ordeal before, which left us in credit card debt for nearly two years.
My parents don't have much in retirement savings, and they're struggling to pay the bills. Dropping to commission-based work isn't viable for my dad due to their financial commitments and lifestyle.
Does anyone have any advice or resources that could help my dad find a job or assist my family in staying afloat? Any suggestions for organizations, financial assistance, or job search strategies would be greatly appreciated.
Thank you for your support and advice.

I am currently in Harvards school counseling program that is a 1 + 1 model. This means after the first year we get our masters in human development and the second we get our school counseling certificate of advanced study.
I just finished with my first year and am trying to decide whether to continue onto the second. I somewhat regret choosing such a closed off degree. I loved the mental health aspect in school counseling and have thought about potentially qualifying for the LMHC eventually.
The only problem is that my program isn’t continuous. In my first year I have completed 48 credits and will obtain my masters. During the second year I will get around 32 credits additional credits and a school counseling certificate of advanced study.
I reached out to a nearby university to ask a few questions and was told “the Board of Allied Mental Health will not accept multiple transcripts and educational/internship experiences; they will only accept a 60-credit Master’s degree in Clinical Mental Health Counseling.”
Has anyone from Massachusetts run into this problem?

So I was paying a hospital payment plan back in 2022 after I was hospitalized. Despite this I still got a text from a debt collection office called Wakefield and Associates. I assumed the hospital had grown impatient and sold the debt because I wasn’t able to pay more than $100 a month and the bill was quite large. I also had multiple bills, and I figured they all got sold at different times, which was why I was still receiving notices from the hospital while also making payments to Wakefield. I never asked for verification, and was paying them a pretty hefty $250 a month, as they claimed they would sue if I didn’t pay enough. Now I know med bills take a year to show up on credit reports, but it’s been over a year and the bills still haven’t showed up. Now I’m wondering if that’s a sign that the debt was never sold to them, or something. Is that how it works? I called them today to ask but the guy I talked to wasn’t very helpful.

18 months of hell.
In November 2022 I got accused of a very serious crime and investivated by police. My girlfriend at the time lost her job. I had to move home because rent was getting ridiculous for the area and quality.
Christmas 2022, grandfather dies of a Stoke. At rhe same time, grandmother on other side of family nearly dies of the same thing.
Ny father can't speak at his dad's funeral, I step up, trying to support the family and keep things ordered. I do it. But I see my dad cry fir the first time in my life...
I took out a £15k loan. Which helped with credit card debt (due to my gf at the time not really working or paying for anything), then after I moved, new housemate was a fucking slob who used my good nature to treat the place like a shit tip. Leaving chocolate out for my dog to eat and everything.
Police issue is resolved, no evidence after I get a solicitor and an interview. Still to this day, I flinch when I hear sirens...
Birthday... gf St the time, while sleeping upstairs and I sleep on the sofa cause be and my friend are chatting unti lwe fall asleep ad a heavy day drinking... ex comes down.. stands over me. And hits me so hard I scream. House wakes up. Mate sees this happen. And then housemate comes down, and asks why she got in his bed... she is currently pinning me down, crying and screaming.. I tell everyone to go to bed and deal with it the next day.
Tell gf at the time that she has fucked up... She doesn't know why she did it... says she was sleep walking.. touch starved...
Had to physically remove housemate after 1) his room smelled so bad, that I had to get landlords involved and a professional carpet clean on his room and 2) he pissed on my fucking landing carpet.
Months of me paying nearly as much rent as I earn in wage, due to gf at the time barely paying me... get a housemate in who wants the place to be good to live in.. Ex decides to threaten suicide when it's just me and her, after multiple times she has grabbed and tried to hold me down knowing I am in pain from her hitting me... She locks herself in the bathroom (razors and isopropyl alcohol inside, and apparently as I find out later, our dog). I call 111, she is screaming, I'm taking on the phone to try to get control... I struggle...
Eventually she opens the door, screaming at me... 111 operator can't do anything more... I thank him and hang up.. ex gf screaming at me immediately.. im the worst person, im stupid... can't believe i believed her she might commit suicide. How stupid am I.. all of it.. I broke.. broke up with her. Hated life, hated myself. Still do.
This was November 2023.. she finally left in May 2024. Every day since I havent been able to say a word in my house. I have been belittled, broken, criticised, for the tiniest things... while I can't say a word against anyone... she left dishes to go mouldy, I cant ask her to clean after herself.... and that's the minor things..
I am alone... when she left, she took the dog.. she was ours. She slept with me every night... ans now she is gone.. to a girl who never took her for a walk unless she was the ONLY one to.. and even then.. First walk at 2:30... maybe 5pm...
I dont know anymore. I'm sick of everything.. ex even got to move out of London and keep her job.. Best I could argue was the possibility of a transfer... but I'd lose my London weighting... and fuck over my housemate...
I don't even know what I need.. I've had counselling, the Counsellor didn't turn up to half the sessions... And can't get free ones... I canr get help for domestic violence victims as its not an ongoing issue and I'm a male in my 30s. So im not priority (I get it, but im allowed to say it hurts not getting support).
I just want to be allowed to live a normal life.. I dont want this... I just want to scream.
Thank you if you read this. I'm sorry if its not the usual content.

So me and my s/o have been renting my grandfathers 2nd home (he lives elsewhere in state with new wife). We recently found out we are expecting our first child and really love this house and property.
He has recently expressed interest in selling the house. Property has no mortgage on it and with interest rates being so high I’m thinking this might be a viable option for both parties. Primarily for us as first time homebuyers.
In his favor he can save quite a bit on closing costs and realtor commissions. For us we can maybe leverage a better rate or repayment structure than a normal amortized loan with a traditional lender.
This would be a temporary solution while rates are high and continuing to rise. Stick with this for 3-4 years and then refinance to a traditional lender when rates come back to 5-6%.
Our situation: $130k annual income combined $0 debt Her credit is 700+ mine is about 630 $30k in savings (saving about $6-7k monthly now)
What I would propose for the sale: $25-40k down payment $2500-3000 per month ($500 of which goes to him as “interest” or loan servicing” and the remainder towards principle) Home is worth between $410-435k
I know I’m conjuring up this as I feel it can give a family just starting out a big advantage with the current markets and is definitely in our favor. Am I being unrealistic with this thought?
Has anyone done something like this before and what unforeseen issues did you experience?

I have been needing to buy miscellaneous building materials for a renovation. Most of the places I go to will accept credit cards, and I have a HELOC that is currently about 6% APR. I want to put as much of the cost of this renovation on a new credit card with 0% APR then roll over the balance to the HELOC right before the introductory rate expires. Only debt I have is $65k on my house, and $30k on the HELOC.
Current Stats:

• 1 Credit Union credit card with $25k limit
• HELOC with $96k limit
• FICO Score: 750+
• Oldest credit account: 17+ years
• Chase 5/24 status: 0/24
• Income: $85k+
• Open to Business Cards: Maybe?
• What's the purpose of your next card? 0% intro APR,

Hey everybody! I could use some advice. I keep getting denied for credit cards due to my debt to income ratio. Pretty standard numbers: $250k in debt, $66k salary, and a credit score between 740-750.
Has anyone else run into this, and if so what have you done about it?

Edit: I messed up on the title. I meant to say they’re moving out. No making out.
I moved out 10 years ago. I’m currently 35M living in California. I Got my own place with my wife. We’re happy where we are. My parents recently transferred their house, which is paid off completely with no liens on it, to me. They said do with it whatever you’d like. They moved out to spend their later years somewhere better (they hate the weather here). I have no intention in moving back in. As both my wife and I have our jobs down the street where we are and my parents house is 2 hours away. Do I just sell it?
Option 1) move in. My wife said we should move in as it will remove our current bill of $2300 for rent. But that’ll mean an insane commute and just all around being 2 hours from everything we know.
Option 2) rent it out. I kinda wanna look into renting it out. As it’s in great shape. Maybe make some income off of it. We have a friend who’s a realtor and another that buys homes and rents them. They said they’ll help with this. But my wife said it’s venturing into dangerous territory.
Option 3) Sell. The more easy option and less stress is just sell and walk away with enough money to be debt free and have a nice cushion. Plus I can invest the remainder.
I’m currently about 15k in credit card debt from a medical emergency and paying it off as best as I can. besides your typical bills like water, power food etc. our next biggest bill that’s over $300 is our car. I still own another 16k. The second car (the one I drive) is paid off. Besides that we’re both saving about 1k per month after all expenses. I’m saving a little less as I’m paying as much as I can while still having something in the bank towards my debt.
Edit 2: They actually transferred the house to me on my 18th birthday. Which was 15 some years ago. I’d actually forgotten about this whole thing and only got reminded when they told me they’re moving out and it’s mine to do whatever I want. They suggested renting it as I can make money and it’s a back up in case I need it. They’re still paying any taxes on it and paying the bills for power and water. It’s all under my name.
Edit 3: my wife and I current rent ourselves. As we’re usually too busy and tired to do any house work ourselves. She wants option 1. I’m down for option 2 or 3. Leaning more towards 3 just to get something out of this and be done with it. Houses where we live are going for about 350k. My parents house and those around it, especially one that just sold) goes / went for 280k

I’m a stay at home mom of two baby boys. Married 3 years & dated 6 months prior to marriage & got pregnant a couple of months before getting married.
I’m going to get shit for all my bad decision-making here.
I prayed (out loud) for a man that would meet all this criteria and one month later met my husband. He met all the criteria of my prayer so no matter what bad things happened, I thought God had this purposed for me. I mean like a checklist of 10-20 items all checked off. I was vedy devout in my faith. But, now looking back I feel like maybe it wasn’t God who answered my prayer. Maybe this was like a time in the book of Job where God let Satan attack Job and take everything away from him. I don’t know. Oddly enough, the man that became my husband said he prayed for this, too, one month prior.
He love-bombed me. He devalued me. Later, he threatened to leave me (but never has). While we were dating, when I was pregnant, when we were engaged. He called escorts behind my back. I find out he had sexual relations with a woman in his apartment complex one week before we started dating - he told me three years into our marriage. Before we dated, he also had a two year affair with a married woman (whose husband to this day has no idea about it.) He was meeting her and texting her behind my back 2 weeks into us being officially dating exclusively. I find out because he got arrested and I went to pick up his things on his person at the jail. I guess his passcode in one try and there I see the truth. He lied about this woman - he said she was a best friend with no I love yous and no sexual relations. He even asked me if it was okay to be friends with her and I asked him those two questions. He lied and the proof was right there. We were fairly new so I didn’t read too many texts. I spent one hour on his phone at most and handling a panic attack in between.
I read where he texted escorts, too, and read two other relationships he had while seeing this married woman. My mind was blown. I was done. I screenshoted some evidence for my personal keepsake. I texted the married woman because their I love you was so recent. I told her what happened and said to go get him out of jail because I was done. She blew up my phone with texts. She wanted to know who I was and she wanted to share all the creepy details about this man. She claimed they only had sex twice and it was rape - bullshit. She also said a lot of other things like she knew when he bought me a coffee and knew when he went to the city to meet his friends. She said he said that they could still have sex while he was seeing me. He denied it and said it was the other way around.
When he got out of jail, he contacted me and sent me a video. She texted me to show me he sent her a video, too. Same shirt, same scenery and all filmed back after back. He told her how much he cared about her but he was letting her go. He came to meet me because I took his dog to care after her while he was in jail. He talked me into giving him one more chance. I moved into his apartment to get away from a situation at home. I fell for him hard and believed I was in love. We texted and talked all the time and when we were able, we were together. I went on a trip for a week withoht him to California. I got back and the sheets were washed. He said he did that for me so I can come home to clean sheets. Later over the course of our relationship I noticed he never much stepped up to do the laundry. A lot of chores started falling on me. Before even being married he expected me to coean his whole apartment which seemed to have never been touched once with any cleaning.
We were fighting a lot and I saw some of his anger but I thought he was just frustrated with things he was dealing with in his life. He got sort of pushy with me having intercourse with him at times I told him I didn’t want to because I wanted to wait. That made him angry. I find out that he had been FaceTiming escorts from the first weeks we started dating and found at least one call every month up to the week we were suppose to get married. I was shocked! I had no idea and I couldn’t believe it. We had intercourse so much that he wouldn’t need that so I thought. He said it was like porn to him and he had that habit from before he met me. Keep in mind, I’m religious so I was abstinent most of my life and these red flags weren’t so obvious to me. I thought most men were dogs like this. The biggest factor that blew my mind (of which he explained away) was that these escorts weren’t typical - they were transgender women and some still had their boy parts. After talking with someone who I thought was like a mom to me(I find oht later she wasn’t for me), I went through with the wedding, and besides, I was having his baby.
We moved states. I noticed a lot of verbal abuse starting from typically the night time as we shared a bed. He would cuss at me a lot and get so angry. It was almost every night. I was surprised - thinking who is this guy. He made me cry a lot. It was so stupid, I got screamed at just for rolling over in my sleep. He explained this away later after the problem got better. I began feeling like I made a mistake in marrying him. I was so scared at the same time because this was my first pregnancy. I feared so much about the “what ifs” and what world this baby was coming into.
The abuse got worse. It got physcial from time-to-time. He says I was abusive back but I feel like it was reactive abuse because it became too much for me. I would hit him back. It ate at my mind every day and I had all these hormones because I was going to have a baby soon. When pregnant, he has pushed me, held me down, jumped on me with his hands around my neck. He said things that were horrible like he would walk away from this son like he did his first son (he had a son from an earlier relationship which he had nothing to do with). Fear overcame me and some days I thought ending my life was the only way to escape my life and prevent a nightmare for my son. (These feelings relented later in time.)
One time he held up furniture above his head and he was ready to throw it at my head - I believe this was right after our son was born. We argued a lot because my mistrust in him because what I mentioned I discovered earlier. I wanted him to assure me he was trustworthy so sometimes I asked for his phone. Doing that resulted many times in violence and rage. When he had that furniture held up, I felt like he was going to end me right then and there. He stopped himself and I asked him why. He said because he saw the fear in my eyes.
We fought and made up A LOT. That was our relationship and me asking him where he has been or was he with someone. It was terrible for both of us. I discover later that he lied about a lot of things. I didn’t even know he didn’t have a drivers license until about 1-2 years into our marriage. I didn’t know the pictures of his boy parts I found once while dating were to the escorts. I asked him approximately a thousand times. He doesn’t just lie - he tells a story with details and the whole thing is a lie.
I use to check his phone and browser history because it was never ending place of discovery. I never got confessions out of him but I did get evidence that he thought he hid. He must have gotten better at hiding things because I would find less and less. I got to a point where I don’t check anymore - I know and it’s a damn headache to live like that. All the time he did these things, he swore his love for me. He said I was everything.
I discovered again a lie the first time he went to Miami last year (his first time away from me.) He took advantage and called at least ten eacorts and almost met up with one (or did. I don’t know. There’s no money spent but he lied and said the last escort called was his co-worker. I may never know what happened but his coworkers got weird around me after that trip. They won’t look me in the eye.) I didn’t know all this until December last year where I asked him for his T-Mobile password. He didn’t think I would find this when giving me the password.
I saw a text after that trip and found out he lied. He was awake at 2:00PM after he told me he went to bed on the phone. He told me how he missed me SOOO much. He said he tried putting his arm around me in bed to realize I was not there. We FOUGHT over the phone. He didn’t want me to see the rest of the texts between him and his coworker. He left bruises on my arms pushing and shoving me with all his strength. He overpowered me and I never saw the messages. He said he was hiding the fact ge did cocaine. I lost control because I pulled a knife out at him. Not to hurt him but to intimidate him. (I never lost it like this again -he ALWAYS uses this against me to say I’m the abusive one.)
December he admitted the elaborate cocaine story he gave me was a LIE. He said he did do cocaine but not how he told me. The real thing he was hiding was the escorts. At that time, I find out he kissed a coworker (maybe more but nobody will tell me anything.) Another girl told me he was always flirting with new hires. After I find this out from these girls, he put two holes in the walls and broke the doors at the apartment that was in my name. He also bought me $200 roses and a new marriage ring fo Christmas along with other nice gifts. He even goes to therapy to get better at his lying problem (which he only did for about 3 sessions.) He swore this was the last time I would EVER have this happen to me. He swore he loved me and our family. My second baby was born February after ALL of that.
November, my mom died and left me money. I find all that out after I put money on a house for us - Our first house. I made sure we were good. I made sure my baby had everything he could need. I didn’t even buy myself a new car (backstory I lost my good credit, my 2020 car and had one eviction in this marriage. I was almost $30,000 in debt after all of that. My husband made his bad credit good and how we got the house, too. He still has his car and no evictions on his name. We paid over $5,000 for his traffic tickets and court fees plus his debts.)
I could have left then but I was vulnerable because I was having another baby in two months.I feared all the time because I couldn’t get a job or keep one being pregnant and I worried about having one after because I wouldn’t make enough with him and me working would put us at a negative income. I tried building this website but I have yet to get sales. I knew I needed to get out but one last things I feared was breaking up my marriage. I thought he could get better for all his problems.
His anger reared its head again this past month. I found a book titled “Why did he do that.” My husband fits a lot of those examples of abusers. The book said the nice guy is the mask.
This time when he got angry, he said it was my fault he cheated on me. He said it’s a woman’s fault if a man cheats. He said that women need to keep a man happy. He said he had depression caused by me which he never mentioned before. He always said I made him happier than he ever has been in his life. I didn’t know about the cheating just like I didn’t know about the cause. He endlessly lied to me.
I went to his work and asked his boss about the girl he kissed. He is still lying. He said he told his boss what happened. His boss said they both said nothing when they came in for questioning. My husband got the word out and it turned into drama when those girls texted me.
My husband is two people. Dr. Jekell and Mr. Hyde. I just learned recently he has been reading my journals on my phone and texts between my sister. He read my reddit posts. He lied about this and kept it to himself. I feel like he may have planned trapping me in my marriage so I would have nothing. I feel like he is stalking me, too. I have 30K left locked up in a CD - he wants that when its available to pay off the credit cards in his name. We both spend on those cards for food and needs. I want to keep it as my nest just in case. He scares me sometimes. I feel like he may charm a judge when we fight for custody if I leave. I’m scared he will bring up the knife incident and the baker act (I was bakeracted last year when 5 months pregnant- he said he would cut me off financially and have me and our unborn baby fend for ourselves. I panicked and he was being a monster. I said he was hurting me and he said he didn’t care.) I told a cop I wanted to hurt myself but I wasn’t suicidal - I just feared my husband and wanted to get away from him. It was impulsive and I regretted saying it immediately. He was messing with my mind - he fake called the cops. Never dialed but acted out a conversation. I called right after.
I fear him. He is looking like a pscychopath to me or narcist - he pal ed his whole marriage and family around abuse and lies. He admitted to lying to keep me from leaving him on a few occassions. He would act like a little innocent and hurt boy. I could never see the abuser when he switched.
Would you be scared, too? I feel like no matter what I will never be free from him. My husband has once told me nobody will believe me. Everyone thinks I’m crazy - he said this right after convincing the cops that. (Time where he bent the truth to make it funny - the cops were sold.)

I’m a stay at home mom of two baby boys. Married 3 years & dated 6 months prior to marriage & got pregnant a couple of months before getting married.
I’m going to get shit for all my bad decision-making here.
I prayed (out loud) for a man that would meet all this criteria and one month later met my husband. He met all the criteria of my prayer so no matter what bad things happened, I thought God had this purposed for me. I mean like a checklist of 10-20 items all checked off. I was vedy devout in my faith. But, now looking back I feel like maybe it wasn’t God who answered my prayer. Maybe this was like a time in the book of Job where God let Satan attack Job and take everything away from him. I don’t know. Oddly enough, the man that became my husband said he prayed for this, too, one month prior.
He love-bombed me. He devalued me. Later, he threatened to leave me (but never has). While we were dating, when I was pregnant, when we were engaged. He called escorts behind my back. I find out he had sexual relations with a woman in his apartment complex one week before we started dating - he told me three years into our marriage. Before we dated, he also had a two year affair with a married woman (whose husband to this day has no idea about it.) He was meeting her and texting her behind my back 2 weeks into us being officially dating exclusively. I find out because he got arrested and I went to pick up his things on his person at the jail. I guess his passcode in one try and there I see the truth. He lied about this woman - he said she was a best friend with no I love yous and no sexual relations. He even asked me if it was okay to be friends with her and I asked him those two questions. He lied and the proof was right there. We were fairly new so I didn’t read too many texts. I spent one hour on his phone at most and handling a panic attack in between.
I read where he texted escorts, too, and read two other relationships he had while seeing this married woman. My mind was blown. I was done. I screenshoted some evidence for my personal keepsake. I texted the married woman because their I love you was so recent. I told her what happened and said to go get him out of jail because I was done. She blew up my phone with texts. She wanted to know who I was and she wanted to share all the creepy details about this man. She claimed they only had sex twice and it was rape - bullshit. She also said a lot of other things like she knew when he bought me a coffee and knew when he went to the city to meet his friends. She said he said that they could still have sex while he was seeing me. He denied it and said it was the other way around.
When he got out of jail, he contacted me and sent me a video. She texted me to show me he sent her a video, too. Same shirt, same scenery and all filmed back after back. He told her how much he cared about her but he was letting her go. He came to meet me because I took his dog to care after her while he was in jail. He talked me into giving him one more chance. I moved into his apartment to get away from a situation at home. I fell for him hard and believed I was in love. We texted and talked all the time and when we were able, we were together. I went on a trip for a week withoht him to California. I got back and the sheets were washed. He said he did that for me so I can come home to clean sheets. Later over the course of our relationship I noticed he never much stepped up to do the laundry. A lot of chores started falling on me. Before even being married he expected me to coean his whole apartment which seemed to have never been touched once with any cleaning.
We were fighting a lot and I saw some of his anger but I thought he was just frustrated with things he was dealing with in his life. He got sort of pushy with me having intercourse with him at times I told him I didn’t want to because I wanted to wait. That made him angry. I find out that he had been FaceTiming escorts from the first weeks we started dating and found at least one call every month up to the week we were suppose to get married. I was shocked! I had no idea and I couldn’t believe it. We had intercourse so much that he wouldn’t need that so I thought. He said it was like porn to him and he had that habit from before he met me. Keep in mind, I’m religious so I was abstinent most of my life and these red flags weren’t so obvious to me. I thought most men were dogs like this. The biggest factor that blew my mind (of which he explained away) was that these escorts weren’t typical - they were transgender women and some still had their boy parts. After talking with someone who I thought was like a mom to me(I find oht later she wasn’t for me), I went through with the wedding, and besides, I was having his baby.
We moved states. I noticed a lot of verbal abuse starting from typically the night time as we shared a bed. He would cuss at me a lot and get so angry. It was almost every night. I was surprised - thinking who is this guy. He made me cry a lot. It was so stupid, I got screamed at just for rolling over in my sleep. He explained this away later after the problem got better. I began feeling like I made a mistake in marrying him. I was so scared at the same time because this was my first pregnancy. I feared so much about the “what ifs” and what world this baby was coming into.
The abuse got worse. It got physcial from time-to-time. He says I was abusive back but I feel like it was reactive abuse because it became too much for me. I would hit him back. It ate at my mind every day and I had all these hormones because I was going to have a baby soon. When pregnant, he has pushed me, held me down, jumped on me with his hands around my neck. He said things that were horrible like he would walk away from this son like he did his first son (he had a son from an earlier relationship which he had nothing to do with). Fear overcame me and some days I thought ending my life was the only way to escape my life and prevent a nightmare for my son. (These feelings relented later in time.)
One time he held up furniture above his head and he was ready to throw it at my head - I believe this was right after our son was born. We argued a lot because my mistrust in him because what I mentioned I discovered earlier. I wanted him to assure me he was trustworthy so sometimes I asked for his phone. Doing that resulted many times in violence and rage. When he had that furniture held up, I felt like he was going to end me right then and there. He stopped himself and I asked him why. He said because he saw the fear in my eyes.
We fought and made up A LOT. That was our relationship and me asking him where he has been or was he with someone. It was terrible for both of us. I discover later that he lied about a lot of things. I didn’t even know he didn’t have a drivers license until about 1-2 years into our marriage. I didn’t know the pictures of his boy parts I found once while dating were to the escorts. I asked him approximately a thousand times. He doesn’t just lie - he tells a story with details and the whole thing is a lie.
I use to check his phone and browser history because it was never ending place of discovery. I never got confessions out of him but I did get evidence that he thought he hid. He must have gotten better at hiding things because I would find less and less. I got to a point where I don’t check anymore - I know and it’s a damn headache to live like that. All the time he did these things, he swore his love for me. He said I was everything.
I discovered again a lie the first time he went to Miami last year (his first time away from me.) He took advantage and called at least ten eacorts and almost met up with one (or did. I don’t know. There’s no money spent but he lied and said the last escort called was his co-worker. I may never know what happened but his coworkers got weird around me after that trip. They won’t look me in the eye.) I didn’t know all this until December last year where I asked him for his T-Mobile password. He didn’t think I would find this when giving me the password.
I saw a text after that trip and found out he lied. He was awake at 2:00PM after he told me he went to bed on the phone. He told me how he missed me SOOO much. He said he tried putting his arm around me in bed to realize I was not there. We FOUGHT over the phone. He didn’t want me to see the rest of the texts between him and his coworker. He left bruises on my arms pushing and shoving me with all his strength. He overpowered me and I never saw the messages. He said he was hiding the fact ge did cocaine. I lost control because I pulled a knife out at him. Not to hurt him but to intimidate him. (I never lost it like this again -he ALWAYS uses this against me to say I’m the abusive one.)
December he admitted the elaborate cocaine story he gave me was a LIE. He said he did do cocaine but not how he told me. The real thing he was hiding was the escorts. At that time, I find out he kissed a coworker (maybe more but nobody will tell me anything.) Another girl told me he was always flirting with new hires. After I find this out from these girls, he put two holes in the walls and broke the doors at the apartment that was in my name. He also bought me $200 roses and a new marriage ring fo Christmas along with other nice gifts. He even goes to therapy to get better at his lying problem (which he only did for about 3 sessions.) He swore this was the last time I would EVER have this happen to me. He swore he loved me and our family. My second baby was born February after ALL of that.
November, my mom died and left me money. I find all that out after I put money on a house for us - Our first house. I made sure we were good. I made sure my baby had everything he could need. I didn’t even buy myself a new car (backstory I lost my good credit, my 2020 car and had one eviction in this marriage. I was almost $30,000 in debt after all of that. My husband made his bad credit good and how we got the house, too. He still has his car and no evictions on his name. We paid over $5,000 for his traffic tickets and court fees plus his debts.)
I could have left then but I was vulnerable because I was having another baby in two months.I feared all the time because I couldn’t get a job or keep one being pregnant and I worried about having one after because I wouldn’t make enough with him and me working would put us at a negative income. I tried building this website but I have yet to get sales. I knew I needed to get out but one last things I feared was breaking up my marriage. I thought he could get better for all his problems.
His anger reared its head again this past month. I found a book titled “Why did he do that.” My husband fits a lot of those examples of abusers. The book said the nice guy is the mask.
This time when he got angry, he said it was my fault he cheated on me. He said it’s a woman’s fault if a man cheats. He said that women need to keep a man happy. He said he had depression caused by me which he never mentioned before. He always said I made him happier than he ever has been in his life. I didn’t know about the cheating just like I didn’t know about the cause. He endlessly lied to me.
I went to his work and asked his boss about the girl he kissed. He is still lying. He said he told his boss what happened. His boss said they both said nothing when they came in for questioning. My husband got the word out and it turned into drama when those girls texted me.
My husband is two people. Dr. Jekell and Mr. Hyde. I just learned recently he has been reading my journals on my phone and texts between my sister. He read my reddit posts. He lied about this and kept it to himself. I feel like he may have planned trapping me in my marriage so I would have nothing. I feel like he is stalking me, too. I have 30K left locked up in a CD - he wants that when its available to pay off the credit cards in his name. We both spend on those cards for food and needs. I want to keep it as my nest just in case. He scares me sometimes. I feel like he may charm a judge when we fight for custody if I leave. I’m scared he will bring up the knife incident and the baker act (I was bakeracted last year when 5 months pregnant- he said he would cut me off financially and have me and our unborn baby fend for ourselves. I panicked and he was being a monster. I said he was hurting me and he said he didn’t care.) I told a cop I wanted to hurt myself but I wasn’t suicidal - I just feared my husband and wanted to get away from him. It was impulsive and I regretted saying it immediately. He was messing with my mind - he fake called the cops. Never dialed but acted out a conversation. I called right after.
I fear him. He is looking like a pscychopath to me or narcist - he pal ed his whole marriage and family around abuse and lies. He admitted to lying to keep me from leaving him on a few occassions. He would act like a little innocent and hurt boy. I could never see the abuser when he switched.
Would you be scared, too? Am I overthinking his lies and abuse? Do I need to get away now? I feel like no matter what I will never be free from him. My husband has once told me nobody will believe me. Everyone thinks I’m crazy - he said this right after convincing the cops that. (Time where he bent the truth to make it funny - the cops were sold.)

I need HELP! So, I fell for ECSI debt collector trap by replying to one of their bills of $0.
When I contacted them in Sept 2023. They asked for proof of payment in full I made 7 years ago and I sent it, only for them to take my information, and claim I didn't pay in full. The took the amount I paid and subtract it from what the lawyer billed me in 2016 to prove that I didn't pay the principal? Which makes no sense because why would I pay almost double the amount in debt all at once only to leave out $200?! I don't have the letter for the payment in full since it was sent to my work email, and I was laid off so no access.
With this, they created a new amount for the debt with the $200+ and added fees and interest on top, restart my loan and claimed it to the Dept of Education. I never got any bills until ECSI decided to trick me with this scummy move. Basically they took Biden's covid deferment law and started sending out bills in hopes that someone answers them in order to zombify their loans, same situation with the zombie mortgages! I put in a complaint to the DoEd only to get my complaint dismissed without explanation which was weird.
They reported me to the credit bureau and claim they have been billing me since Feb. 2023 the so called "$300+ amount" even though I have paper proof I was billed $0 current and past amount in Sept 2023 with the bill stating " THANK YOU FOR KEEPING YOUR LOAN CURRENT. Credit Bureau rating as of the above due date: Current and in Good Standing."
I have asked for paperwork of this 26-year-old loan via mail and phone calls. They claimed they mailed it, I never got anything. I tried a pro bono lawyer, who first wanted to help but now said he got no time since he picked up so many other bigger cases. The lawyer suggested the SAVE program, but I have to wait another 20 years for it be dismissed? I also don't like the fact I have to agreed to take ownership of the new loan amount when I already paid more than enough to be considered paid off and extra all at once.
It's clear ECSI just made everything up. Now they constantly bill me every month since Dec. 2023. I tried everything I can think of, from complaints, to emails to the school the loan originated. By the way its no longer there, but merged into some other school. I emailed the old debt lawyer, too, and they all ignored me. Well, I tried everything other than starting lawsuits which I am highly tempted to do.
I swear they are just hoping this amount of $370+ is small enough that I would pay them off to get them off my back. It's still increasing by $1 every month btw. But I rather fight it if I can since I paid it off in full and should not be coerced to pay more for these scammers.
What do you all think?