Teachers day funny phrases

Hey guys, I have a problem that I guess is somewhere between a table dispute and a technical question. And it may not be directly a D&D problem, but this group gives such good advice and I am most comfortable talking about social conflicts within the realm of DND.
I started playing in the late 1970s with the original three books. I’ve come and gone from the hobby over the years. I don’t really like the Forever DM label, but I’ve started the lean into it because I realize that, aside from convention games where I sign up for a session, I’m just not gonna get anybody else to DM. But that’s not my problem.
I’m also quite often the oldest player at the table. I think that in someways kind of makes me the table parent or scout leader or whatever. Because we often play at my place I got in the habit of providing snacks. Sometimes it’s just chips and salsa. Sometimes I’ll bake some oatmeal cookies or something like that.
Now over the years there have been a few times when players have had specific food allergies or religious requirements or just preferences. I’ve done my best to take that into account. I think I’m pretty good at communicating usually, that’ll be part of a session 0, or I’ll talk to an individual player if they’re joining an existing group. it’s not overboard, it’s not like I have them fill out a form or anything, but over the years I have learned to ask certain basic questions about halal, kosher, vegan, pescatarian, gluten, nuts. So I have a good handle on that. I like the challenge of working within constraints.
At one point, we had a new player join the table for my Wednesday night game. To set some context, every party has its own tone and limits. My personal limits are pretty tame so it’s not like anything really wild is happening. The Wednesday night table specifically has no PVP actions; any weird backstory or side story stuff has to be negotiated; and kind of PG-13 level of humor and interaction. No explicit sex or gory violence.
This new player joins and he shows up with a character sheet for a hex blade warlock named Warc*ck. Unless you think I am Bowdlerizing the name, that’s exactly how they spelled it — with the asterisk. And they insisted that it was pronounced “Warrick”. Keep in mind we are all in the USA but many of us are fans of UK entertainment and so we have fun with names like Worcestershire and Cockburn and so this actually was funny to me.
HEY, if you are Warc*ck or anybody in the same group, or really if anybody recognizes who I am at this point, you should stop reading because there are spoilers.
(OK now that they’re not reading I should say that there aren’t any GAME spoilers but I do I want to talk honestly about the players at my table so I feel like now it’s safe to do so)
I was nervous that this Warcck was going to be the sort of person that can really mess up the dynamics and be the center of attention, but I put it to the group, and it turned out ok. Warcck is important to the issue but let me get back to them. Also they don’t have any dietary restrictions. I asked.
So I decided that I was going to really go all out for the last session we had before breaking for the holidays. This would have been late 2022, so post pandemic. I decided to go all out for a holiday meal. I got a Kurabota ham which was amazing, fresh made mashed potatoes, gravy, a sweet potato casserole, and the obligatory green beans that nobody ever eats. It was a big hit. We made situationally appropriate toasts and told tales of battles past and it was awesome.
Obviously I couldn’t do this for all four of my weekly sessions, one of which happens at a local game store anyway, but word got around and apparently some people were a little jealous. Instead of coming to me directly, some of the players started talking amongst themselves and comparing notes, and next thing I know, I have people from the other three nights approaching me and asking me if the Wednesday group is my favorite group, and if they’ve done anything to me, and stuff like that.
We have a meta discord and it just happens to be the day before Valentine’s Day 2023. To complicate things, the group that meets at the game store includes my ex. They also play a hexblade warlock, although that’s not directly pertinent to the story, but I think it’s interesting how many people gravitate towards that. Now my ex knows that one of my secrets is, I actually gave up eating pork a decade ago. I’m worried that they’re going to bring that up as evidence of my hypocrisy, that I’m willing to sit down with my favorite table and eat a nice big old slice of ham.
Fortunately, I was able to resolve all that by talking to people.
It did come up that I was letting the Sunday matinee group use some homebrew content and the Adventurer League Tuesday table was super snarky. But that’s another post for another day.
Also my ex never brought up my pork abstinence. I feel like I could defend it if I needed to, but it just seemed like that would’ve been the last straw when we were talking about favoritism and all the other things.
But now we come to the problem.
Fast forward to December 2023, and I decided to repeat the holiday meal idea. Only this year money is a little tight and I don’t go for the Kurabota. I got a pretty good Costco ham that I’ve had success with in the past. I have a great glaze recipe that involves orange juice concentrate, brown sugar, pickle, ginger, and this amazing cherry essence that’s mostly used by candy makers so if you can’t find it any normal place see if there’s a chocolate making supply store in your city. Or Michael’s has it.
If anybody wants the recipe let me know and I’ll put it in the comments.
Warning: the next paragraph contains graphic descriptions of undigested meat.
Anyway, dinner was going great and everybody was going just fine when suddenly Warc*ck stands up and starts gesturing. At first, I think they’re trying to be funny or make a toast, but pretty soon it becomes clear from the desperate look on their face and the gestures that they’re having a medical emergency. Now none of us at the table have ever done the Heimlich maneuver, but we’ve all heard of it, so we take turns scrambling around trying to get in position to do it. Eventually, they self-Heimlich on the back one of the chairs and out plops the mostly awful looking gristly wet pink chunk of Costco ham.
After a few minutes, everybody seems fine and they’re kind of joking about it, but absolutely nobody wants to pick up this chunk of ham. we make about using spells to do it, but eventually, of course it comes down to me, as the parent, to clean up the mess. So everybody leaves and I am cleaning up the mess. It makes me a little upset.
So I had a conversation over discord later and instead of talking about why everyone just bailed, Warc*ck has complaints. We should have helped sooner. There should have been more beverages on the table than just sparkling cider because sparkling cider is not great for washing down food. And most importantly, the Costco ham was not suitable. It was wet and gooey and borderline disgusting. And meanwhile, I’m thinking, you couldn’t wait to get that ham down your neck! You actually choked because you were so eager to ham into your gullet!! I was raised at beggars can’t be choosers and that if you want the expensive ham may offer to kick in next time.
Well, by now, everybody else has joined the discord, and, although it takes some coaxing, EVERY person has some complaint about the meal. II don’t know if I mentioned it, but the Wednesday table is rather large. Seven players. I will say that one thing they all agree on is that the glaze is in impeccable. Let me know if you guys want the recipe for the glaze.
We finally get partway through the conversation and Warc*ck snaps, says “pigs are intelligent and more caring that you guys!” and drops the call. And now one of the other players who barely spoke up, mentions that they too were uncomfortable with the ham. Not as pork but because it was so pink and bland and wet that it looked like fake meat. And now everybody’s chiming in with all these things that they never brought up before, and one of them even starts joking that it looks like synthetic human flesh.
Meanwhile, I’m thinking, I only did this for you guys. I don’t even eat pork most of the year. And of course did any of them demand that I make a ham? No, I’ve volunteered to do that. Was I being self indulgent? Self-destructive? I couldn’t be mad at them for a decision I made without any question.
I feel like a bad DM. I hang up the group call. I text ALL my tables that I need two weeks off.
And this brings me to the essential query for the group hive mind.
Has anybody here had luck with cooking a Costco ham in a way that gives it a drier texture? Not dedicated but less … wet? Should I just not tent it? Should I go for lower heat and longer in the oven? I used to worry that it would dry out, but this ham has such a high water content.
Thanks for your help.

Hiya! My native language is not English so please excuse further mistakes or spellings!
I've (F24) recently self diagnosed myself as AuDHD, because I've found out that both of my siblings were diagnosed with AuDHD as well, my dad is definitely autistic and mum definitely ADHD (so naturally got the best of both worlds, ha 😂). Also my dad's brother also likely has it, as all his children are autistic, too.
Soo definitely checking some boxes here!
My question tho is: I'm currently studying to be a teacher in an elementary school in Germany. I've had many internships and practical trainings that from the theoretical teaching part weren't too bad and enjoyable.
But dear god, I've always struggled with the noise and stimuli! In one of my internships I was in a very loud and talkative class and by the end of the day I was having meltdowns (now I know what they actually were and hiw they've felt!)
Are there any AuDHD teachers here? What are your coping skills with sensory issues and how do you manage to be organized with lessons and all? I don't wanna be rude and blunt to my students obviously, I'd never want to hurt them either. But I'm also soo afraid of the future, especially when in the future I'll be in the "Referendariat" which is like a hardcore internship where you have teaching exams and multiple people watch you while you teach.
I'd be so grateful for any help, tyia❣️

Just wanted to give (and receive) a virtual hug to those who are feeling the pain. I (mom) have been coparenting since my son was 2 years old, and now he is 11. He was so young... My ex got a new woman about 5 years ago. At some point my son started calling her mom as well, mostly influenced because she has a son the same age. The two boys are treated the same at that house, and it just naturally happened and I couldn’t stop it without being punitive to my innocent son. Anyway, it has been such a painful past 9 years. At times, this woman takes my place and robs me of my motherhood to my son. Whether intentional or accidental, sometimes she will not tell me about things like picture day or meet-the-teacher if the notice comes home while he’s at her house, for example. Not include me in his class’s parent group online. As if my son isn’t the most important thing in the world to me? So I end up feeling like I lost custody of my son and I’m a second tier parent. And this is NOT the case. I’m right here. You can’t make me go away to pretend like you have a perfect little nuclear family! She doesn’t share custody of her son… He was a dead beat dad I guess. I can be grateful my son has a dad who made him a priority like me. But that doesn’t stop the pain. Having my heart ripped out every other holiday. She doesn’t know what that’s like. And I just have to tuck it away and smile for my son because he doesn’t deserve to be in the middle of this bullshit. It sucks. Anyone going through the same thing, my heart goes out to you.

This is not any kind of complete love story with any complete ending it's just collection of few incidents. I am just writing it on the run. I am using dummy name for her let's call her Shree.
So story starts in 7th standard I guess. Once day an aunty approached me while I was going for tution class that she wants to talk to my tuition teacher regarding admission of her daughter because their family recently got shifted to our near by society and while I go for tuition probably she might have seen me.
So from here story starts, next day Aunty was with her daughter "Shree" she introduced me with her and we went to tution as usual she was walking a little far behind us ( me and bro ) and following us to the tution because she didn't know the path but Idk what I had no feeling for her with first sight. Like for a month or two she was attending tution with us we almost never talked to each other because I am very shy person and same with her.
After that vacation started and I went to Mama ke ghar and idk what happened I stated to see her in my dreams like playing badminton in our society compound and talking with her so much and she was always cheering and happy in my dream I slightly thought about it that I might like her and eventually started falling for her.
Incident - 1 I started developing very little little feeling for her and one fine day I she came to me with some project work/ model she wanted to create a solar system with toys 😂 idk what was she expecting and she described the project so so un realistic with those material. I brutally told her that it's not possible like this ( I had no communication skills but I really liked her ).
Incident - 2 We used to play games in compound we have a common society compound ( very complex to understand ) and it was her bday she gifted me and all other kinds "Kaccha Mango" it was very special for me I exactly remember she gave me 3 and I kept in hidden pocket of my school bag and never ever ate it after like 1.5 years Chitiya ( Ant ) aa gai bag mai and I had to throw them I was very upset because like after 1 year of this "gift"(kaccha mango) her family shifted somewhere else it was her first and last gift to me.
Incident - 3 Once we were playing Hide and Seek ( Dabba is Spice idk what it's translation in english ) "Shree" , I and one small kid hide at same place. I saw her so very closely ( not in creepy manner ) her brown eyes was like coconut 😂. I was feeling that time should stop and I can see her indefinitely. If I try to describe more about her I have to make another post so leave it and back to the story. We exchange few words about our study nothing more and I tried to peek and see the status of the compound for the guy who was after us to find us and she told don't take a peek to me and as an obedient friend I instantly pulled back my head and it hit so hard in the corner of the wall that it instantly started to bleed. She started to get panic but I was very calm and said nothing happened to me ( I knew I was bleeding but still I wanted to spend more time with her 🫠). After that neighborhood of that building came and my parents and took me to hospital and I got stitches. While on my way and getting stitches all I was thinking was about her that she must be very scared because of this incident. After this incident Shree never came to compound to play with us.
Incident - 4 We totally lost each other's contact after she shifted another where then I saw in same complex where I was going to tution ( new tution not the older where we were together we changed in 9th standard and she before 9th ) and saw her in the stairs of the tution and I asked her "Do You remember me ?" Shree "No I don't" *Traumatic Background music player inside my heart - "Chann se jo toote sapna ...." * After like 5 seconds she laughed ( her smile was so so so much cute 🫠😭 ) and said " Obviously I remember you " and we exchanged our last smile with each other.
I was scared of proposing her because I had literally 0.1 female interaction with anyone in my entire life and she was "Jain" so I thought she might tell her parents 😭 and never dared to purpose her. I still Miss her a lot and currently don't have any idea or contacts where can I find her but if "Shree" is reading this just i wanted to talk to you ( not going to propose you 😭😂💀 ) just " How are you? "😭
That's it guys that you for reading this I know it's not any well structured story but just my feelings. Thank you all for reading this much lots of love.

Hey guys so I am a first year music teacher in a tier 1 district. I currently move between 3 schools which seems like a lot (and it is) but hasn’t been too difficult for me to handle because of the way my schedule is.
That being said at one of my schools I have had constant issues with my space. I wasn’t allowed to put anything up because they needed to use my bulletin boards in my room. My space was constantly, for lack of a better term, pimped out and in some cases even when I was scheduled to be there I was pushed out. I would come to school some days with my room looking destroyed, garbage all over, chairs moved around and out of my usual arch, my speakers knocked over and chords (black and red that link them together) torn out, and I’ve gone through 20+ dry erase markers. I’ve been told it is my responsibility that this is happening because I should be locking my things up and overall it has been extremely frustrating with multiple documented emails and complaints to principal met with nothing.
I was just told in passing that next year I will not even have a classroom at all and will need to do music from a cart for the whole year. This year I teach 5th grade next year I’ll be teaching K4 at this school.
40 minutes of PK music 5 days a week with no classroom. Even if you aren’t a music teacher let that sink in.
Being a first year teacher I’m trying to navigate how to actual put my foot down with situations exactly like this and really could use some advice.
Only 5.5 more days for me let’s see if I make it.

At first, do I have inferior se or inferior si ?
What I know about me is that I got big problems with sensation so I’m sure that I got my sensing function being low in my stack but I want to know if it’s Se or Si. Oftentimes I can forget my stuff at home and at times forgetting to give money to the cashier or then forgetting to take the change, and not taking care of my stuff in general, even breaking things sometimes and struggling with my physical surroundings, for example I’m pretty rigid with my moves, struggling to be attentive of the environment around me and zoning out is something not rare with me, slow time reaction, slow in my moves and because of that I already received bad feedbacks at some jobs where you gotta be dynamic, but it’s funny cause as a kid I used to be a lot energetic and chaotic, I think it started to change when I went to a psychologist when I was a really young kid. Let’s say that if I’m going to the beach, it will mostly be just for chilling on a towel and listening the waves noise instead of doing physical activities that I don’t specially enjoy except for some special stuff(but I’m still in a good shape), my friends saying that I’m slow cause of that lol
Also I’m really not punctual or organized, I’m only planning some goals on the long term but I’m never planning exactly what I’m going to do the day following the other one, even at the gym I’m going over there with no programs and all. I don’t really care about deadlines, schedules Of course there is moments when I’ll be in time and when I will organize some things but this is not what I’m going to do on the regular.
And I can have some insecurities about my looks also, I want to look the best in front of others and absolutely not looking bad, I actually want to take care a lot about my physics so I can spend a lot for hairs, clothes, etc and I will feel miserable if I’m failing to look good. In general, my biggest insecurities tend to give bad experiences to people like giving a bad sex and not being practical, it’s really something that I fear but I keep all of that to myself, I don’t wanna show weaknesses. I would also like to be more organized, more disciplined and all but it’s not where my biggest insecurities will come from.
Now let’s focus on Ti-Fe axis or Te-Fi axis
I don’t really like useless conflicts or dramas even if I love to joking around and being sarcastic a lot for the fun of it but at the end I want to treat people fairly and equally, not being personal. I can say some hard truths if I think it’s something needed depending the situation, if things are going too far but other than that I prefer harmony. I give nonchalant behavior that makes people think that I don’t care about anything but I’m emotionally expressive (not that I share what I feel but I’m smiling when talking to people) so it balance the thing. Also I tend to prefer working by myself, not having a boss always behind telling me what to do because he might not share the same vision that me on a project, but instead I prefer working with others if it’s for something less professional and more fun like preparing a party, where there is no leaders and where we are all equal. I don’t care that much about being validated for my emotions by the way, I tend to keep things for myself when I might not be good and not saying to everyone that I feel sad or some, I’m somehow secretive about me in general and I’m not telling other people about my life, what I like, my opinions on things, etc until they ask me for it (and I won’t even tell about everything). I got some values and principles of course but it’s more like a mark of respect for other persons, so they seeing me as a trustable person and they telling me about their secrets because they know that I won’t talk bad on them. I can be seen as a wise or intelligent person when I share to others my vision of things and the world, I’m just being cautious to balance logic and feelings with my ideologies and thoughts.
Also I got an hard time finding what I’m truly am, what I truly love in life but everyone going through that no matter the type.

My WW had an EA online including sexting, and masturbation on video, though the camera only showed her face. She is shy about sex and only sent him flirty pics in a sports bra and one of her nude hip.
Her AP was her high school teacher from 20 years ago that she emailed to catch up with.
They planned to meet for the first time in 20 years at a convention in June. I found out about it and she called everything off.
When I confronted her and asked her whether the trip was to meet him (all I had were emails at that point). She admitted she was going to see him. I asked if she was going to have sex with him and she said she didn't know. They were going to stay in the same hotel but he did get his own room.
I later found out that she had sent him an email saying that given their history he might have expectations about what was going to happen and she wanted to make clear that she wasn't sure what she wanted.
She told me that she would think about the trip and had fantasies of being there and it feeling wrong and deciding she couldn't go through with it. She has never said she wasn't going to have sex with him, only that she didn't know. In other respects she's been as good as I could ask. She broke it off permanently, has been open, apologetic and answered all my questions (some involved admitting very embarrassing info that I couldn't have known, so I think she's being honest)
I'm not a fool, I know it is very likely they would banged like rabbits for 4 days, but what I want to know is just how very likely... 99%? 80%?
So my question for waywards is this: has anyone even heard of a case where a sexualizes emotional affair resulted in a meeting where the WP felt guilt and couldn't go through with it? Or is that just a pipe dream?

Before we started up dating, she talked about how her dad was bad to her and she used to have an abandonment issue, but she's over all of that. She was a super charismatic, smoking hot, funny, intelligent 30-something that was chronically single. (which is another red flag)
Early in our dating, when I had my kids (6 out of 14 days), we'd just text, call, and video call. She'd go to bed at her house, I'd sleep at my place. When I didn't have my kids I was with her. Period. Those were the two phases I was in.
So I spent 8 out of 14 nights at her place. We live in the midwest. I'd find out her dad (lives in Texas) was visiting her mom (walking distance from M's house) for a month only after he was gone. Like he was there, a mile away, for over four weeks, and I hadn't even known he was in, though I spent over half the nights at M's. We/she didn't go there, he didn't comes to M's house. Her mom would come over for dinner and games and they wouldn't even refer to him being in!
It took me two years to meet him, at her brother's wedding on the East Coast. He was a HUGE fan of mine, to the point he was irritated that he and I weren't assigned to the same table (he's the father of the groom, I was a boyfriend of his sister, of course we were at different tables!). In four years I had dinner with him and the rest of the family once at M's place and once at my house.
How the hell did I believe her that she was "over all of that"??? A mile away for a month, and he wouldn't even get mentioned.
Christ, they were so many red flags I was blinded to or ignored.

Hello everyone,
i recently can't play AC anymore because my PC decided that it only wants to run at 40Fps.
2 Days ago i was playing AC with Graphic mods, Filters and CSP smoothly 120fps but since yesterday it is completly stuck at 40FPS.
I tried everything i could, i reinstalled my Graphics driver, my Windows driver, played around with the Graphics ingame and nothing seams to fix this shit.
I tried removing every graphics mod and lower the resolution to low but it still didnt help.
The funny thing is that its only AC who has this problem.
I can play Half life alex and more graphic intense title and my pc runs it at 120fps with no problems.
Hope to find some help here.
Here my specs:
Intel Core i7 13700K
Nvidia RTX 4090
Gskill TridentZ 6600 Mhz
3tb m.2 SSD
Seasonic platinum 1300W

I was diagnosed in 2022 and struggling with cpap. My AHI was 71 and I absolutely believe it came out of nowhere. The severity did. I'm 39 now and I have severe endometriosis and adenomyosis and had ovarian surgery in 2022. After that surgery I started having these bouts of gasping for air and my partner told me back then I was breathing funny. I was 37 then. I went to a sleep clinic, had a study done (only slept 1 hour and 45 mins, with a benzo) and was diagnosed with severe sleep hypopnea and a few centrals that they didn't worry about. I had drops of oxigen as low as 88%
I absolutely believe my ovarian surgery has something to do with it. I prob had sleep apnea all along but I never snored. And after surgery I all of a sudden started getting severe insomnia, anxiety, depression and severe headaches and tmjd got so much worse.
Not much is known about women's sleep apnea, and I wonder if I can find someone on here who has it.
I'm not overweight, don't drink or smoke. And sleeping on my back made it so much worse according to the sleep study. I do have large breasts so this might be why. I feel I have a small jaw so saw a dentist and gnatologist and even an orofacial surgeon. They said my jaw is fine. So to me the only reason can be the hormonal changes after the ovarian surgery. I do have a slight deviated septum but according to clinic this can't be the cause of my severe sleep apnea.
Has a brain scan in 2022 cause of my severe tmjd facial pains, and also a sinus CT in 2022. Nothing was seen, only the slight deviated septum and a ear drum perforation.
I'd love to get in touch with women my age. Cause it scares me that this is what I have all of a sudden. I just can't wrap my head around it.
My main symptoms aren't fatigue, even tho I am exhausted. But that shows as having adrenaline and energy rushes, like ADHD episodes. Other symptoms are: - Sudden panic attacks - anxiety - gasping for air during the day - fast heartbeat - heart palpitations - heart pounding in throat - tmjd - facial pain - severe headaches, mostly above the eye - dizzyness (was told its cervical vertigo coming from neck or tmj) - high cholesterol while I eat healthy - neck tightness - mouth breathing - getting sick easily like flu, covid (not colds. Hardly get a cold)
Can anyone relate? 😢

One day, Muhammad, the prophet of islam, had an interesting conversation with ... a donkey!
Assuming that animals communicate, Muhammad asked the donkey: “What is your name?”
“My name is Yazid ibn (son of) Shihab” said the donkey.
Thus, identifying himself as the son of his father much like the arabs of Muhammad's time did.
The donkey added: “Allah had brought forth from my ancestry 60 donkeys, none of whom were ridden on except by prophets.”
Then the donkey said: “And I expected you to ride me!”
(A true believer of Muhammad's prophethood!)
The donkey also admitted: “Before you, I belonged to a jewish man whom I caused to stumble and fall frequently…”
(Jihad?)
And the poor victim added: “..so he used to starve me and beat my back!”
(Islamophobia!)
Muhammad decided to change the donkey's name to Ya'foor. “I'll call you Ya'foor”, said Muhammad.
Then he asked Ya'foor a rather personal question. “Ya'foor, do you desire females?”
The donkey blushed and said: “Sir! No Sir!”
(A homosexual donkey?)
So, Muhammad used to ride Ya'foor to complete his business. Sometimes he would send Ya'foor to knock at the door of a person he wanted to visit and the donkey would signal to that person to go see the prophet.
When Muhammad died, the donkey went to a well and threw himself in it out of sadness. Ya'foor commited suicide!
The sad thing about all this is that Ya'foor went to hell for committing suicide. It seems that the donkey wasn’t told that committing suicide is a sin that leads to hellfire!
Source: The Beginning and the End (1) by Ibn Kathir (2) v.6, p.166-167
البداية و النهاية لإبن كثير ج.6 ص.166-167
لما فتح الله على نبيه صلى الله عليه وسلم خيبر أصابه من سهمه أربعة أزواج بغال وأربعة أزواج خفاف، وعشر اواق ذهب وفضة، وحمار أسود، ومكتل، قال: فكلم النبي صلى الله عليه وسلم الحمار فكلمه الحمار، فقال له: ما اسمك، قال: يزيد بن شهاب، أخرج الله من نسل جدي ستين حمارا كلهم لم يركبهم إلا نبي، لم يبق من نسل جدي غيري، ولا من الانبياء غيرك، وقد كنت أتوقعك أن تركبني، قد كنت قبلك لرجل يهودي، وكنت أعثر به عمدا، وكان يجيع بطني ويضرب ظهري، فقال النبي صلى الله عليه وسلم: سميتك يعفور، يا يعفور، قال: لبيك، قال: تشتهي الاناث ؟ قال: لا، فكان النبي صلى الله عليه وسلم يركبه لحاجته، فإذا نزل عنه بعث به إلى باب الرجل فيأتي الباب فيقرعه برأسه فإذا خرج إليه صاحب الدار أومأ إليه أن أجب رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم، فلما قبض النبي صلى الله عليه وسلم جاء إلى بئر كان لابي الهيثم بن النبهان فتردى فيها فصارت قبره جزعا منه على رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم.
Translation:

• "When Allah opened Khaybar to his prophet Muhammad – may Allah’s prayers and peace be upon him – he (Muhammad) received as his share of the spoils four sheep, four goats, ten pots of gold and silver and a black, haggard donkey. The prophet – may Allah’s prayers and peace be upon him – addressed the donkey asking, ‘What is your name?’ the donkey answered, ‘Yazid Ibn Shihab. Allah had brought forth from my ancestry 60 donkeys, none of whom were ridden on except by prophets. None of the descendants of my grandfather remain but me, and none of the prophets remain but you and I expected you to ride me. Before you, I belonged to a Jewish man, whom I caused to stumble and fall frequently so he used to starve me and beat my back’. The prophet – may Allah’s prayers and peace be upon him – said to him, ‘I will call you Ya’foor, Oh Ya’foor.’ Then Ya’foor replied, ‘I obey.’ The prophet then asked, ‘Do you desire females?’ The donkey replied, ‘No!’. So the prophet used to ride the donkey to complete his business and if the prophet dismounted from him he would send the donkey to the house of the person he wanted to visit and Ya’foor would knock at the door with his head. When the owner of the house would answer the door, the donkey would signal to that person to go see the prophet. When the prophet died, the donkey went to a well belonging to Abu Al-Haytham Ibn Al-Tahyan and threw himself in the well out of sadness for the prophet’s death, making it his grave."

Download link (arabic): http://www.almeshkat.net/books/open.php?cat=13&book=366
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(1) The Beginning and the End: One of the most authoritative sources on Islamic history. (Wikipedia)
(2) Ibn Kathir: Is known as a qadi, a master scholar of history. (Wikipedia)
Funny animated video of the incident: https://youtu.be/iezZ_b1G_z8?si=HNT5edFj8f4BXnYo

I hit 600 hours yesterday and figured I should post about my experience thus far - hopefully it will be helpful for all of you, but also will be fun to look back on myself, later on.
Background: I took a couple semesters of Spanish in high school as well as university over a decade ago, but never gave more effort than just trying to get a decent grade. A year ago, I decided to try and learn Spanish for real. I went down the normal Duolingo track, then found Paul Noble audiobooks and Language Transfer. I became really interested at this point, and eventually came across Dreaming Spanish. At first, I would do like 15 min a day of Dreaming Spanish while “studying” with my other time, until sometime around July 2023 when I realized I was getting more out of DS, and went “all in”. I put 70 hours as my total input up to that point (although since then even though I’ve had other sources, I haven’t added any more “outside hours” along the way, so technically I have 530 hours of pure DS now).
Reasons for learning Spanish: - It’s simply something I’ve always wanted to do, but never really committed to it - My family and I love to travel, and want to be able to communicate much better - We spent 6 weeks in Spain late last year which was partially why I dove in, but even before the trip I realized I would for sure keep going after the trip (I now wish I had started DS way before that trip, of course!) - I have two young daughters, who will be going through the Spanish Immersion program (100% spanish through elementary and then it gradually balances between Spanish and English into middle and high school) in our district! My older gal starts kindergarten in the fall. - There is a hosting program within the immersion program where families can host a teacher assistant (someone completing Uni or just graduated) from a spanish speaking country. It would be a semester of hosting the TA at our house. We’ve talked to others who’ve hosted and they had a great experience. Some have since visited the TA in their home country. We aren’t signed up to do this for the coming year, but my wife and I would love to in the next couple years potentially.
Listening: 90% input from DS. Half the time I go from just the easiest Intermediate/Advanced video remaining (around level 58) and half the time I just pick a video that looks Interesting (BeginneIntermediate/Advanced). Sometimes I’ll speed up the easier videos. In general, I understand anything 60 and below very well, 60-70 is comprehensible and enjoyable but challenging, 70+ varies. I find Pablo, Sandra and Alma, and Agus much easier. I find Tomás and Edwin difficult, for example. But overall I’m still really enjoying DS. Currently half the time Im watching, and half the time I’m listening with headphones. A few times a week I’ll watch some super beginner / beginner videos with my daughter - she loves Calcetín videos and the Michelle cooking videos. Ive seen the “Find Wally” videos about 8 times…haha
I also have listened to a lot of Español Con Juan, which I enjoy too. I mix in YouTube videos sometimes as well. I’ve watched some native Ted Talks and found some of them too hard, but also found some that I’ve almost fully understood, which was encouraging. On the other end of the spectrum I put on the movie Society of the Snow in Spanish without subtitles and I was completely lost haha. No huge surprise. Overall, I’m happy with progress but have days where I’m frustrated too. Loving the journey though.
Reading: I haven’t done a ton of reading but doing more now. I ready a handful of Olly Richards books around 300 hours and enjoyed overall. I read Harry Potter book 1 at 400 hours. I really liked it, although it was a bit too difficult, but having read them in English many times it was often still comprehensible. I’m now reading a bunch of the “Diario de Greg” books and they are great haha. Love being mid 30’s guy at the coffee shop posting up with one of those books. Challenging but comprehensible and fun. I also read a bunch of picture books in Spanish to my girls. My older gal is picking up a decent amount of words.
Writing/Speaking: Haven’t done a ton of writing other than occasionally texting a buddy who knows Spanish. But found it to be not too bad.
We were in Spain as a family when I had around 300-350 hours I think. It was super helpful to have that under my belt but also I generally couldn’t follow conversations between native speakers. I had conversations with people at the park or elsewhere if people were patient or spoke slower, and it was super rewarding. I made a lot of mistakes (including mistaking a verb and asking a guy at the beach in front of his family if he wanted “to touch me” instead of me taking a photo for him haha. He silently walked away. But also talked to an old woman about my kids and she talked about being envious of my parents as she never had grandkids and was very sad about it. I tried to comfort her. Moments like that make the whole journey worth it.
Also I should note that between 100-300 hours I was doing Baselang speaking lesssons. It is expensive, but I really liked the platform and had some great recurring teachers. I may re-sign up after 1000 hours. I would’ve held off but I also wanted to be able to communicate a bit better in Spain. Maybe it will have end up harming my progress, I’m not sure.
TLDR: hit 600 hours. Have a long way to go but seeing progress and loving the journey. Averaging around 2 hours per day now. Will re-start speaking around 1000-1500 hours. AMA.
Thanks!

I'm female, late 20s, run my own business, work from home and am super busy. I love my job and have an overall comfortable life - even without any friends or acquaintances.
However, now and then, I do feel like having a "going out" weekend with a female friend like I used to in my younger years. You know, going to a bar, talking about our boyfriend's, sharing makeup and outfit advice, talking about our jobs/career...
I am not able and not willing to take the "classic route" by investing days, weeks, months of talking to someone almost daily about the most mundane things. Mostly due to my limited amount of time. I just want a "hey girl I know we haven't talked in 3 weeks but this weekend is a party at X, wanna join?" "hell yeah I'm in" - kind of thing. I don't want "writing only" friendships. I do not need to know your whole lifestory - we just need to vibe more or less. I wanna go out with you on a drink, do an activity, go to a museum, take a course together... When I ask you "hey wanna meet up" please don't tell me "hmm I'll think about it, I can make it work on Saturday the 12th in 3 months to grab a drink". Yeah no thanks.
Of course, if she's having a damn mental breakdown she can call me anytime and I'll pick up. But i can't do the "everyday talk" kind of thing.
Is this something I should put in my bumble profile? How do I phrase this? What are your overall thoughts on my view? Is this a common thing? Or do only feel this way?

I feel like my life is a dead end now...
For my whole lifetime, I was proud for tackling various hardships and turning out stronger than ever. Since my early childhood, I've been told that I'm mature for my age, as I had a vivid interest in reading and learning complex ideas - which was nothing more than autistic hyperfixations, but nobody knew at the time. And that was the factor that put some distance between me and my peers. To say I've struggled with forming bonds is an understatement. To be honest, it was my fault, too as I begin to be a people pleaser and a kind of clown during my teens. The pain of loneliness was intense, it still is. But after my major failure in life it hits even harder. I remember having a birthday party and nobody invited showed up.
This experience made me think that I should focus on studying, to gain knowledge and guarantee myself a good career. I chose the medical path. I've developed tunnel vision, which allowed me to say "whatever" when people my age tried relationships and parties. I'd wanted to say I had trapped myself in my room with books, but the expression doesn't feel right; I didn't feel enslaved by it, it was liberating and finally made me content that I have something I'm good at. I had put all my eggs in one basket. Fast forward to high school. I've developed depression with a hint of psychosis. Grades started slipping and I felt useless. Teachers used to yell at me, when it wasn't even my fault. I wanted to study and I literally shed my blood, sweat and tears to do it, to no avail. They knew I was sick and needed acommodations, but didn't care. I hate teachers as a group so much, I despise them. They can't get my forgiveness, even though I tried. Started drinking and taking benzos, as it was the only thing keeping me at peace. Failed uni entrance exams, no med school accepted me. I said fuck it and went for a gap year, studying 12hrs per day, being perfectly clean and working on my mindset. Remission finally laid her eyes upon me and I tapered off SSRIs.
I had the second attempt this month and guess what, my score will probably be lower than last year. I'm so tired of it, so tired of trying when nothing makes sense. I''ll probably pick nursing, but I feel like my whole identity is gone. He literally died and now I can't recognize the person in front of my mirror. I won't get into medicine like I've always hoped. I'm single and alone, forgotten and disgusting. I may be 20 years old, but due to the fact that I didn't quite experience childhood like a proper kid, I'm closer to 12 y.o behavior-wise.

This is the episode where I truly start to get annoyed by Rhaenyra lol.
-The suitor tour that seems to take place at the Stormlands due to Lord Baratheon acting as the host I thought even though for some reason both House Bracken and Blackwood are there, so who knows. Also funny enough a member from House Mudd, came to propose as a suitor Lol. I guess he made a calculated move that marrying the princess would be the best chance to reclaim the Riverlands lager on, just wonder how the writers Will handle the Mudd restoration subplot in Season 2 Lmao
-Rhaenyra just belittles and mocks a suitor due o their age, despite him a Dondarrion being a marcher lord and a important asset against any Dornish incursion. It’s okay if you don’t want to marry him, just say thank for your interest in a polite and considerate way and move on. Again a pattern of her lack of awareness and just putting down potential friends in her reign “OMG I have all these suitors to choose from, what hell I am in!” Like girl even Alicent pointed out how most ladies would have no more than two choices and that’s if they are lucky as they may only have one. You literally had a suitor tour and squandered it, just ending it early (this is in part why I don’t feel as bad when she is married off to Laenor, since she had plenty of options to choose from)
-Alicent and Rhaenyra are shown to be close again, perhaps not as close as the first two episodes but much more than last episode. You could argue time heals all wounds and it just makes sense the bridge would be softened a little though still this is where one or two of the cut scenes could have been really helpful and added so much to their development.
-This episode is focused on its theme of sexuality and marriage and the differences in how it affects men and women. First between Daemon and Rhaenyra’s initial different conclusions, where she was funny enough initially right (within the context of the patriarchal society of Westeros) of her not being able to do what she wants even after she weds one person while Daemon and many a prince can have quite the number of mistresses and whores without being socially or politically sanctioned. Then of course the clear parallel in scenes between Rhaenyra being out and about in the more sexually liberated inner city, while Alicent being forced to perform her duty even if she might not want to personally (I felt so bad for her during that scene). This thematic framework is something that of course as a modern viewer we would agree with, that patriarchal society is built in hypocrisy, and many times still is in our own world.
That being said I cannot use said conclusion to jump to support Rhaenyra’s actions in this episode obviously. The system is broken but for the time being she just needed to operate by it just because of everything that is at stake with her position, but more importantly how her actions affected everyone else. Because of her lie she got Otto a competent and loyal man dismissed as Hand despite him just telling Viserys the hard truth (yes before I get the pedantic argument “well they didn’t really do it” they may not fully done it but that was the intention clearly the intention even going as far as the fire play and Rhaenyra’s being disrobed. As far as the standards of this world go, that is still enough for her virtue to be questioned as even Viserys and Alicent point out, and also if you want to be pedantic “Daemon never touched me” is a lie since Daemon quite literally touched her sexually. But I digress, it also will later on next episode as we will see affect Otto and Alicent’s relationship, due to poor Alicent trying to defend her friend who she still think’s innocent. In the end it even affects her own life, as Viserys makes her marry Laenor, a good match on paper but a gay man who she will have trouble making s child down the line and eventually the whole mistake sequence of Strong Boys she will have, when all of this could have been avoided by her realizing both the disadvantages for sure but also advantages she had at the start of the episode with things like the literal suitor tour
-After the whole Daemon sneak out, of course she tries to seduce Criston Cole. Regardless of team how people still misinterpret this scene is beyond me. Yes Cole is an older guy while Rhaenyra is a younger woman, but the power dynamics are significantly in her favor due to her position as princess. She is the person that gave him everything he is, as Ser Criston so clearly pointed out last episode, and the Targaryens are literally seen as closer to Gods than men, it makes sense why he would feel the need to go along with it. We see him tell her no initially and even when he does consent, Fabien does such a great job conveying the hesitation and fear ass he does, and later the regret and shame the scene the next day. This doesn’t completely excuse him from his part in this mistake, but clearly when we analyze the scene through these dynamics, it paints a very clear picture. While I am on this subject, at the end of the episode Maester Mellos brings her some moon tea, and then it ends with a frame of her looking saddened and disappointed at it, but like literally even if you didn’t had sex with Daemon, you still did with Cole, honestly how the thought of Moon Tea coming into the equation didn’t come into your head first is beyond me…
Sorry if my post isn’t well articulated, as i go along more into these episodes I get more and more frustrated with Viserys and Rhaenyra Lmao

My dad has had crohns his entire life, and I’ve always had bowel issues (think diarrhea 4-6 times per day for years with a quarterly “shit in my pants”) I always just thought it was funny because wtf? But I recently was diagnosed and I thought it wasn’t serious because my dads had it forever but they brought up the risks associated and I did some of my own research. I’m doing 75 hard right now so my diet is great and I’m exercising/drinking which I guess I’ll just continue, but my biggest fear is a stoma from a bowel resection. Has anyone had one? Is it as terrifying as I make it out to be?
Also welcoming any tips on what has helped you all. Thankfully after shitting my pants twice at work and with help from my doctor I’m allowed to WFH, so I’m not too concerned on that front. 😂

I’m half a yea55 mics in. One of my biggest struggles with writing is turning a funny story into a bit. I’m hoping that if I saw some examples of how people would tweak a story of mine, I could learn something.
I have a dry/calm monotone delivery, if that means anything.
So here’s what I have:
It’s spring time. That means the cum trees are blooming. If you don’t know about cum trees, you probably gotta jerk off more, or go outside more - but don’t jerk off outside more
I first noticed the scent once while I was with my family. I caught a whiff and said “these trees smell familiar, but I can’t figure it out.” My hardcore Christian dad immediately said “it’s phosphorus. I work around it, I smell it all day” I argued “I’m a freshman in high school, how would I know what that smells like? It’s something else- It’s on the tip of my tongue”
He was being weirdly dismissive & assuring me I was smelling phosphorus. I would later realize that the familiar scent was cum. We also happened to have this conversation as we were walking into church. That was the day my dad found out I jacked off; and frequently enough to recognize the smell. He probably prayed for me that day. Also… I guess my dad jerks off at work if he smells cum all day. That’s cool.
This story had my friends crying (yeah I know that doesn’t mean much lol) but I think that’s because they know how my dad is. I feel like the situation is funny, but idk what to focus on to make it translate to standup. The few times I tried it, I got laughs at the opening & the “on the tip of my tongue” line, but not really anything for the finish (the fact that my super religious father and I talked about smelling semen as we walked into church is the funniest part to me).
Should I change the order of the story? Is there any fat I can trim? Anything I could add? Is this just not that funny? Would I be funnier if I stood on the left side of the stage and switched the mic from one hand to the other? Which hand is funnier at holding microphones?

I have a crack theory as to why the bridal party ended up being such a shit show: we’re currently watching james walk all over Shannon’s “once in a lifetime” event and she’s such a doormat she happily lets him do it.
So for months now, we’ve seen and heard taylor and Shannon yap about planning SHANNON’S bridal shower. We’ve also seen both women attend bridal showers, even quite recently.
Bridal showers are traditionally held to celebrate a BRIDE and the groom doesn’t attend, or if he does he’ll come in at the end to say hi.
A few days before the “shower” it’s suddenly being referred to as a bridal soirée. James is posting cringe reels like “get ready with me for MY bridal soirée” (side note, does he not realize he’s calling himself a bride??) then continues to go on about how bridal soirées aren’t a thing in England. Well we haven’t heard of them either princess.
Lo and behold after it’s all said and done, the bridal shower turned out to be much closer to a wedding showeengagement party (albeit a shoddily planned one). So why would they not phrase it that way from the beginning?? Why a bridal shower?
My theory is james didn’t know that a bridal shower is a party solely meant to celebrate THE BRIDE and threw a major hissy fit a few days before demanding to be included(remember, they were both oddly silent on social media and he didn’t stay with her as she recovered from surgery).
Shannon did what Shannon does and let this man trash one of the single times a bride should feel like the most important person in the room and be celebrated by her friends and family. I would confidently bet that this party was intended to be a bridal shower, planned as such, until the last minute when james took over as queen bee, going so far as to call it HIS (not even our) bridal shower.
This is further evidenced by the fact that only her mom attended, not her dad. Because, again, this was supposed to be a time for Shannon to feel celebrated by the women in her life. It could also be (partially) why it seemed so thrown together- it was originally planned for half the amount of people that actually ended up going and the men/significant others were asked to come last minute.
This man will never let her shine or have her moment and she’s a moron for putting up with his petty shit, I rest my case.

Just curious on cases from anyone here, since I remember that one time a lady called in and asked me how can she claim the auto insurance, I noticed that the policy started literally that same day and I asked some probing questions like time of the accident, some minor details, and finally got to a point where I had to ask “so you got the insurance online after the accident?” and then she answered yes and how she can use the coverage since she paid for it.
It was pretty funny and silly having to explain that wouldn’t be covering this accident.