I am not the OOP. The OOP is u/themachucajr posting in Marriage
Ongoing as per OOP
1 updates - Long
Original - 7th May 2024
Update - 15th May 2024
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My wife friend-zoned me and wants a platonic “companionship”
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My wife (35f) and I (35m) have been married for 15 years and we've been together for 20 years. We have two kids (12,14) we absolutely adore and work tirelessly to provide the best possible life for them. For the past 3 years, things have been somewhat bumpy. I understand that our kids are at an age where they require a ton of our attention and resources with school, band, club sports, and other extracurriculars and I'm aware of the physical and emotional toll that can have on marriages.
However, for these past 3 years, my wife and I have had very little intimacy and very little sex and we've been trying very hard to work on that aspect of our relationship. This past year has been the most difficult and by far the darkest year in our marriage. We didn’t talk very much, we essentially became roommates coparenting our kids under the same roof. It was very depressing and very demoralizing. It was to the point where we began contemplating divorce and it became very dark and gloomy in the household because of that.
We began seeking help with both individualized therapy and couples therapy and it seems to have helped some. Little by little we started to get along and started to have deeper conversations about what our marriage looks like and what we would love for it to look like. This is where it gets tough. As time passed, my wife started to tell me she no longer was "in love with me" and that she only saw me as a "best friend." That she only loved me in a very platonic way, and this was one of the main reasons she didn’t have any desire for intimacy and let alone sex.
This was very shocking to me and quite frankly, I was devastated. I because angry and depressed and I couldn't fathom the thought that I was no longer wanted or desired by the person I felt completely in love with. Things began to deteriorate again and not long after, we were back to square one. I sat down with her one afternoon and had a heart to heart and began to ask questions about where the root of this problem lies, and her answer was "I don't know" and that "I have built up resentment towards you but I don't know where it stems from." As you can imagine, this provides very little to no insight into how to approach this.
I'm puzzled, I'm frustrated and I do not know what to do at this point. Currently, we've arrived at a place where she says that she has no sex drive and no desire for intimacy or connection. She says that all she wants is simply "companionship" which basically means our coparenting roommate dynamic. I asked her what I could possibly do or what is it about me that is so unattractive or undesirable and she her response is always "I don't know." She stated that she does "love" me but its not the same. That she has been feeling disconnected for years and that our marriage just takes up too much work. Her focus is only the children for now and that my coparenting contributions are "meaningful" to her in our home.
I'm at a loss and I'm mainly venting about my frustration. It's tough to realize that the person you love has no feelings for you. I feel like at this point I'm only here to contribute financially and as a parent. I feel like what she means with "companionship" is that she's comfortable with the convenience of having a good father for our kids and my financial contribution to the household.
In regard to intimacy and/or sex, she basically told me that its not something she’s interested in or wants at this time. She mentioned that the only way to get to a point for any of that is to be intoxicated which o believe is incredibly awful and very wrong. I told her I do not think forcing herself to have sex or be intimate by drinking or smoking is good and I declined to be a part of that which to my surprise, it upset her and made her more distant.
We're both extremely honest and transparent. We've never cheated on each other and we are always free to look through each others phones, emails, socials, etc. and we hardly ever do. I asked her if there was someone else and she declined. Honestly, I believe her. We then peacefully went through each other’s things and as expected, it was clean. We've always been very forward, even with the hard topics so I don't smell nor feel any foul play or infidelity.
Am I wrong for declining to only be intimate or have sex when she’s intoxicated? (I'm firm on my stance of not partaking in this "only when I'm high or drunk" sex because it doesn’t sit well with me.) I do not know how to help our situation and I'm starting to become a bit anxious and desperate. We're both fairly young and healthy individuals and good looking. We both have good standing careers and are good parents. I'm just not sure how our lives could have driven us to this point. I'd love some outside perspective on this matter and some insight on how to address something like this. It feels so awful to be unwanted and undesired by my own spouse. I hate it.
tl;dr: My wife of 15+ years is no longer in love with me and doesn’t know way and now says she can only have sex while intoxicated or I need to settle for a platonic sexless marriage and she doesn’t know why that is but it is what it is and I'm in need of insight or advice.
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Comments
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Warthog__
From your comment history it looks like you are Swingers? If so, I would think that would be relevant information to consider.

OOP: We did some swinging in the past. That was fun for some time. We mutually decided to stop doing it and we have established it’s not the case. When we were swinging however, our marriage seemed to be in a good place. This IS something we did disclose with our couple therapist and made sure to include it to make sure we’re not neglecting an obvious potential issue.
I will say, I did ask my wife if what she experienced during swinging is something that is affecting her view on our relationship and she said it wasn’t. Our swinging experience was always together and it was very sex driven. Nothing really emotional or “poly”. Truth is, I have to believe her at her word. I have no reason to distrust her. To date, she’s always been very forward and never afraid of dealing things head on. No matter how painful.

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failedopportunities
It’s an obvious potential issue bro… wether it be she’s enjoying herself a side piece and wants nothing to do with you in that manner anymore. Or, she just went along with you on the swinging and never wanted to do it in the first place. Hence brings resentment. Regardless, should have been included in the initial post.

OOP: Swinging was her idea. Not mine. But I suppose I should have included it but I honestly believe her on it not being an issue. I don’t have any reason to distrust her. Maybe it’s something she has to accept with her therapist or our couples therapist. Can’t really approach that with a solution if she doesn’t think it was a problem. IDK

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BigIronBruce

She says that all she wants is simply "companionship" which basically means our coparenting roommate dynamic.

That's only a marriage if you both agree it is. You're hoping she's going to wake up one day and feel different but she's basically said that's not going to happen and doesn't want to figure out why she feels that way. It seems like you tried several different ways to get to the bottom of it and she's either deflected or is being honest that she's not in love with you.

Am I wrong for declining to only be intimate or have sex when she’s intoxicated?

I wouldn't do this, either, if that makes you feel better.
Will she be your best friend if you live elsewhere and have a relationship with somebody in love you. Probably not. Which makes the whole "best friend" speech feel like self-deception on her part.
I won't lie, if it were me, I'd get a divorce. She doesn't seem willing to do the work to fix the marriage and you can't fix it alone. She might promise to fix it or beg you not to but you need to follow your gut as to whether she actually can or will fix it. She's serious that she wants you to stick around but not necessarily as her husband.
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OOP: A very hard truth to accept here. Thank you

Interesting-Tip-4850

"I’m ensure I do everything possible to mend our marriage to ensure my own peace of mind and excite knowing I did everything I could."

you may still concider 180 method, to protect yourself and perhaps in the same time the reality that the ship is leaving may start to change your wifes perspective. If that doesnt what else would.

OOP: Can you elaborate on the “180 Method”?

Interesting-Tip-4850
Basically withold from any unnecesary interactions and affection. This is from an infidelity forum, but principles are the same https://www.survivinginfidelity.com/documents/library/articles/discovery/the-simplified-180/

OOP: I bookmarked this. I’m heavily considering this.

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Update - 8 days later
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I wanted to give you guys an update of how the therapy session with my wife went this week. Not sure if this is helpful or not but I took many of the responses/comments/suggestions from my initial post and put together some things I wanted to discuss with our couples therapist to help us navigate some of the core issues that may be affecting this situation.
One of the main things that is the "buzz word" of this has been the term "resentment" and it has been really eating me up inside knowing my wife keeps telling me she doesn't know why she's resentful or doesn't know why this is affecting her emotionally/mentally. I brought this up with our therapist once again and resurfaced the conversation about being married for so long (15yrs) and being together since we ere 14yrs old. Our long history of growing up and how having children when she was 19yrs old (me 20) significantly changed the trajectory of our lives.
We experience severe poverty and many hardships in the process and we essentially had zero social life for the past 10 years because we were so busy raising babies (2 kids now ages 12 &14). She followed up with tons of questions directly mostly at my wife about her feelings towards this and 90% of the responses were very "our kids" focused. It definitely felt like she was afraid of saying "yes it sucked" because she would feel guilt or shame because it would imply she regrets the kids.
I mentioned this in the session and the therapist encouraged her to look at this outside of the lens of being a mother and to try to view it a bit more selfishly and individually and it was very eye opening. My wife mentioned that she was very frustrated with the fact that we did miss out on many things in life. She also was very clear in saying "I do not think I missed out on other partners or dating or partying but I certainly lost all my friends." This was huge because one of the big pieces that has caused a strain in our lives is how silo'd and isolated we've been (again busy raising kids). I followed up by reminding her that it's important to have good friends and to make time for herself and her friendships.
For the past 3+ years, we've had multiple conversations about friends and how it is important to have them in life. Specially when you have similar peers that can help in many areas of life that perhaps we have no experience navigating and even simply for enjoyment. It has always been something my wife avoids, even though she's always been someone who needs that external stimuli. The main reason for her not investing in friends or even herself has always been "the kids." Like I mentioned earlier in this post, 90% of the answers have to relate to "the kids" to some degree.
At this point in our session I started to feel like there was a common denominator (the kids) in most of the frustrations and problems she was experiencing. So I simply asked her "Do you think you may be upset at me because I'm responsible for these kids in the sense that I got you pregnant so young?" I wasn't ready but she said that she was upset at me for that. She also followed up with the fact that she knows that's unreasonable because it "takes 2 to tango." I did feel like it was progress because it kind of gave us something to work on and help alleviate some of these "burdens" so we agreed to invest more time in nurturing good friendships both together and individually.
Towards the end of the session, we began to discuss what actionable items we would take from this session. At this point, it was still all very ambiguous and blurry as to what the outcomes were. I was very direct and very forward in asking my wife what her plan is moving forward. (NOTE: I had decided prior to the session that should my wife say the same thing about being a coparenting roommate that I would take the 180 approach and essentially do me) She started basically saying the same thing, that she doesn't have any desire to be intimate or sexual with me as of now and that she loves me immensely and she feels bad for not being there for me (as mentioned in my first post).
I also brought up the brief swinging that happened, to which for the 50th time said it wasn't a problem. I agree with her on this. This was something that was a "mechanical" approach for a solution to a problem that was very much in existent when we tried this. We (both) really have no issue to this. We know it happened, we tried it and mutually stopped and turned the page.
I also brought up other life events that may cause resentment and really we ended up not getting anywhere else as far as the root for resentment which was discouraging.
I then basically expressed to my wife that I will not be ok with that arrangement. I told her that I've really done everything I can and that this issue really has reached a point where it has nothing to do with me or require me to do anything that I'm currently not doing. I was very direct and saying that I will not be accepting this dynamic and that I need to be with someone who is actively involved in our marriage, works towards resolutions and is very much interested in maintaining an active intimacy and sexual relationship.
I expressed how I am not going to be a "convenience" and that there was more to life than being roommates and coparents. I made sure she knows I love her dearly and that I do want this to work for the better. I also told her that I'm fully committed to this marriage so long as she is as well and that is she wasn't, its ok, however I will not be a part of something where these efforts are not reciprocated. I told her I have no plans of leaving, and I do not want a divorce, however, I made it clear that if this dynamic continues that divorce will be the only outcome.
Of course tears were involved and it was a very bleak and sad ending to the session. Still nothing was said and I walked out very discouraged and very determined to start working on the 180 as soon as we left the room. It's painful and very difficult because much of the 180 requires you to be very short and cold and transactional. The saddest part is realizing, this dynamic already is very cold and transactional.
Here is where it gets VERY interesting. I started working on implementing many of the 180 recommendations that same day. I mentioned to my wife that, "hey, things are going to be a bit different moving forward. I'm going to honor her roommate/coparent dynamic without reproach and that it should be no mistake that I am not happy here and I am never going to be ok with it but I am done working on it if she wasn't going to work on it."
She agreed and went to bed. I started to build distance and started to basically focus on myself. Very short and transactional. She asked for help on some of her personal things to which I declined and it really shocked her. She was upset saying I was being petulant. I explained to her that, she is now fully in charge of her own life and her own issues.
We didn't talk all day and we only spoke when necessary. Few days I keep this going and she's very visibly upset and stressed. I typically react to that with gestures of help or nurturing but I didn't this time. That night she was crying telling me she's stressed and she things something is wrong with me because I'm "indifferent." I simply listened, then I told her that this is the dynamic she proposed and that I'm simply (much like her) taking care of myself and focusing on myself.
I'm not going to lie, it has been VERY hard to be cold and distant because as I mentioned before, I love her and I wish I could hold her and love on her. However, I know this is somewhat manipulative in a way just to get her way and still keep me in the friendzone. So I've been staying the course.
We're now going on a week of this 180 and let just say, there has been MANY changes on her side. I think she is starting to realize there is more to me than just "friends and coparenting." I sent her a text a few days ago essentially itemizing bills and separating the financial responsibilities 50/50 and SHE LOST HER SHIT. She basically told me it was "out of left field" to which I responded "hey, friends go in 50/50 and as your friend I expect nothing less."
This was very eye opening because it gave me a glimpse of I'm really taken for granted and how her level of comfort and convenience at my expense is really overlooked. I pushed through anyways and basically told her that this is the new dynamic she asked for and that its still a "bargain" because she would have to be 100% if she was on her own.
I'll wrap up with this. While the 180 has been working in many different areas, I am still very much sad about the overall situation. There have been MANY eye opening statements being said and realization that have not been pleasant to encounter. It has also sparked new energy and new efforts on her side as well. She's definitely seeking to talk to me more often and while its hard to turn down, I hope if things improve, this continues to happen.
I've also noticed that she's making more time for herself aside from being a mom which is HUGE because she pretty much neglected herself for years. I'm very pleased seeing her be more herself. My hope is that as we work on ourselves, the marriage improves. There really is no telling at this point where this will go. We are very much cordial and amicable even to this day and that's a very good sign.
Boundaries are set and expectations are very clear and I feel that no matter the outcome, I will be at peace with everything that has been done. We're still going to continue the couples therapist until we either rekindle our marriage or end up in divorce. I feel like having this nonbiased third party really helps as a witness and as a guide through this. No matter what I will always love my wife, however, I will not participate in a sexless, intimacy less marriage because we both deserve better.
Thank you all for all the kind words and recommendations and feedback. This will be my last post on this topic and I wish you all the best.
TL;DR: My wife friend-zoned me wants to just coparent at my expense but I started the 180 method to try and find a solution because she doesn't want to work on us which seems to be working on getting her out of her rut and helping me discover more about how she feels. Also, therapy is paramount and highly recommend to all couples.
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Comments
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Complete-Old-1960
Bottom line and not to be brutal, but there is one thing you don't have infinite amount of, is TIME. This has to be resolved in a timely manner. It takes 2 to be in love and to be loved, and u only have ½ of the equation. You need to put a time limit on you being the good guy and think of you and your future. Look hope it works out for you, but listening to what you are going through and what you could be in for you can still be a good father but also be a great husband to another wife if you find that special person again.

OOP: Definitely. I think this “soft ultimatum” (180 method) has been very eye opening. I’m definitely hoping for a rekindling of our marriage but I’m also bracing for divorce. I agree on a timeline and I’ve decided on a timeline for myself privately. I don’t want to give her a timeline because I want to reduce the pressure, however, after 1-2 yrs of things don’t improve, it won’t be shocking or a surprise if we split. I think 1-2yrs is more than reasonable.

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shes_a_killer
I have to agree with this, simply because at some point, the person who has gone 180 and is waiting for the other person to decide will begin to wonder, "Wow, they're really taking their time coming around to me...did they love me at all? If they ever appreciated and cared for me, why would they keep me waiting and neglecting me for so long?" Except, in my case, it had more to do with the other person being stubborn and unable to admit their faults.

OOP: I understand what you mean. I don’t think I’ll ever doubt she loved me at all. I’m certain she did and I’m certain she still does. I know it sounds crazy and I’m not at all infatuated or blinded by love. Love is far more than the intimacy and sex we’re lacking.

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RandyPan_theGoatBoy
I think it’s interesting that in the comments of your original post you said you didn’t think she was taking you for granted but you came to realize she absolutely was. Can you give some more details on what the 180 method is?

OOP: Yeah, I definitely felt this way. But with this 180 method it’s happening right in front of my eyes. Actual actions and reactions taking place that clearly demonstrate that she is taking me for granted. She actually see this as well. It’s evident she’s thinking about this heavily based on her demeanor and her behavior.
Here’s what I used as a guide:
https://beingabeautifulmess.wordpress.com/the-180/
https://www.survivinginfidelity.com/documents/library/articles/discovery/the-simplified-180/

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I am not the OOP. Please do not harass the OOP.
Please remember the No Brigading Rule and to be civil in the comments

I’ve never posted here before but I feel like I have a story that will resonate with you all.
—— Edited to add: I (26F) was diagnosed at the age of 24. So this happened pre diagnosis. ——
I was reminded today about my days in college and how I was a much better student in college than I was in school.
Where I come from, any child who does well in school is pressured into pursuing STEM in college. Fortunately, I was never good in school (too inattentive) and my parents were not the kind to pressure me into doing anything (they tell me now, that I was never the kind to listen to anyone. Sounds familiar?).
So naturally, when I went to college, I chose courses that seemed interesting and fun to me. I chose to major in literature. In my college, you have to apply for a seat toward the end of your 2nd year (it’s a 3 year course).
The list of students who made it to the final year was released announced on a WhatsApp group. My name wasn’t on it. 30 minutes later, there was another text. It read:
“After careful consideration, we’ve decided to chosen 4 more students to sit through the course despite their poor records.

1. Some kid
2. A different kid
3. A third kid
4. OP

Please keep in mind that you all will have to work harder and improve your record moving forward.”
My grades weren’t too bad but my attendance was pretty low. So I guess it’s fair.
Now, our faculty was by far the best in the city but since they had known all the students for 2 years, their minds were set. Even us students knew where we stood with them. It’s not unfair to say that they were biased. They liked the kids that they liked and rightly so. These students were very engaged in class, always participated in conversations, wrote poetry, etc. I didn’t do any of that. While I enjoyed literature and reading and ruminating (I had moments when I genuinely believed that my introspection skills were superior to some of the best students but I’d dismiss it because if I was so good then I’d be more liked by the faculty right?), I was never able to pay attention in class. I used to be zoned on all the time. This is why my attendance was so low. I was really scared of being called out by the professors for not paying attention. Anyway, I used to score average grades in my class projects and tests. Not bad at all but not great either. However, our semester-end exams used to be held in a different college and they were graded anonymously.
When our exam results were announced, I scored the highest grades in my course (I figured this out because everyone was sharing their score on the WA group). The next day, everyone in class was talking about how the exams were so difficult and it’s so difficult to score well. One of our professors said, “Yeah, I really don’t know what happened this time. Some of the brightest students scored poorly while some of our lowest graded students did very well. It’s messed up.” And then she asked, “Who had the best score out of all of you?” I raised my hand and she said, “OH”.
I can see the humour in it now but I remember feeling humiliated back then. There was no convincing her. For her, this was an act of God. Under no circumstances could she be a human being who was biased towards charismatic people and didn’t favour those who were hard to like (totally fair, btw. I mean not entirely fair but I get it). It was all some conspiracy to her. And honestly, I had been failed by the system so many times by that point, that I believed her.
I feel really sad for that young woman who failed to succeed on most days and even when she managed to win one, those wins were invalidated.
Anyway, I thought this story belonged here. I hope it acts as a reassurance for you all. May we find the strength to believe in ourselves and let ourselves celebrate our accomplishments because they’re too far and few between.
TL;DR: My achievements were undermined by a professor because I wasn’t a model student.

Hi everyone,
This is my first ever post on Reddit so I’m a novice when it comes to what information to include and structuring so please bear with me. I included a TL;DR at the bottom for those who may want a quick summary.
I want to first apologize for my lack of knowledge on what to do in my circumstances. I also want to apologize for making it seem like my situation is the end of the world because I know there are people who are so much more hardworking and in even harder situations. However, I would appreciate any recommendations from those who end up reading my post.
The main reason I’m making this post is because I’m struggling to sleep and study for my MCAT since I worry that I’m wasting my time.
I’m about to enter my 4th year of undergrad doing health science at UWO and have a cGPA of 3.94 (although I took mostly 2nd-year courses in 3rd year to meet the prereqs for my degree). I only recently realized how much I've been half-assing my pursuit of medicine because it is an arduous journey and an opportunity that people dream about. Due to some personal events that occurred in my life, I wanted to work harder towards this path but I feel like I have no ECs that can reflect that. I am an exec in 2 clubs (nothing "pre-med" or "impactful" on others but clubs that I am passionate about and enjoy) and joined my school’s paddling and orientation team this year. I have 0 research or volunteering (besides in high school) hours under me. The only real "work" experience I have is that I've helped out my relatives with their businesses for the last 2 summers (one in Canada and one in the US). I have read a lot of people say “It’s how you frame your ABS and essays” but I feel like I have nothing to talk about. This situation is 100% my fault and I feel so stupid and remorseful for wasting 3 years of undergrad because I was so ingenuous and lost sight of my goals in life.
I’ve been talking with other premed/med friends who have suggested that I use 4th year to continue my current ECs and to start on both research (only continue if I like it) and volunteering then take a gap year to improve in both these sections. I understand that I should only do something if I enjoy it and not actively “check off” a box but I feel like no matter what I do now, I am filling out a checklist. I apologize if it seems like I don't care about medicine or the hardships that doctors face because of my lack of experience and my naive thinking up until this point.
My biggest issue is that throughout the last 2 weeks, I’ve read about so many amazing people on this subreddit as well as my friends get rejected that my self-confidence has diminished. I had to tell my parents about my situation and that I stood no chance of getting in next year which was heartbreaking. Everyone around me seems to have done so much more and I feel so fraudulent saying "I want to pursue medicine". I feel so lost right now but I’m so grateful and appreciative for my friends who are helping me through my quarter-life crisis and constantly offering me advice but I think I need an objective point of view (and also because I feel like I’m annoying them).
Here are a few questions that I would like some opinions on:

1. Do you think I should even attempt to apply to med anymore? (I understand people trying to remain optimistic but I also want to be realistic)
2. How feasible is it to improve my situation (I’m struggling to remain motivated for my MCAT and I'm the oldest child in my family so I don't want to keep them waiting forever)
3. If it is possible, should I take a gap year (has anyone ever recovered from this situation) or try and do research during my last year and see if I like it enough to do a master’s?

Once again, I'm sorry if I come across as self-centered and I don't expect any sympathy from anyone. I'm just looking to get unbiased-ish guidance from people more experienced than me. Thank you for reading this incoherent post and for bearing with me until the end.
TL;DR I feel like I stand no chance because I didn't volunteer or do research for 3 years of undergrad and want advice on what I can do.

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TL;DR I (14F) don't know what to do about my friend/classmate (15M) who has love-hate (this is kind of an exaggeration) feelings for me.
We're in the same class and graduating 8th grade in less than a month and I'm asking for help because I don't want to be the villain in his life. I'm always stressed about hurting people and I only ever tried to be kind and honest, but I was stupid and I messed up this time. I don't want him to remember me as the exact thing I am not. I hate conflict and being mean. I would rather compromise than hurt somebody's feelings, but now I am just at loss.
We started talking more in October and then got pretty close in November and December. We'll call him D. We went out mid December at the mall to buy a book for school and I ended up buying Christmas presents. He helped me pick stuff for all of my friends and then we ate. It was very much a date-like hangout and we even walked arm in arm to the bus stop at the mall. He also walked me from the bus stop to my front door.
Fast forward to a day before our school's Christmas event. I told my friends that I kind of liked him and they convinced me to tell him. I told him and we texted some more at home then we agreed to talk the next day after the event. That evening I thought about it all and I realized that I wasn't ready for a relationship. I am 14 after all and I have the most important exam of my life so far at the end of the school year (this is just the schooling system in my country). The next day I avoided him and then at home I explained everything through text because I was too anxious to do it face-to-face. I was a wimp and I wish I had the guts to actually talk to him. I apologized countless times. I felt horrible and I can't even imagine how it was for him. I still kinda hate myself for it, but at the time I believed it was for the best.
I thought about the whole ordeal and it made me realize I might have attachment issues. I'm so obsessed with being loved (I grew up very lonely) that I feel a certain level of romantic attraction towards anyone who gives me a little more attention (especially men which I know is terrible). I also don't mean this as an excuse, but rather as an explanation to why I acted the way I did. I liked how D made me feel about myself, not actually him (this is horrible, I know). After I explained everything I felt he was cool about it and I actually thought that maybe things were okay. I told him i wasn't going out until after New Year's because I was very busy with family (I wasn't avoiding him purposely I was actually busy) yet for about a week straight he asked me 2 times every day where I was which was kinda weird and made me not want to go out at all even after New Year's.
Fast forward to this March when a common acquaintance of ours (not in our class) talked to D because he'd heard from a friend of his that D still liked me. D told this acquaintance that he does indeed still like me, that I look good and that he likes my big breasts (he said this in a much less respectful way). I was shocked because I couldn't fathom D still liking me after I'd been a total witch to him. We'd been ignoring each other mostly ever since December and even though we agreed to stay friends and I was very confused.
A few days later I was talking to a good friend of mine, D's deskmate, and mentioned the acquaintance who told me D still liked me. I just repeated something funny he said. I didn't say anything about D because he was right there, but D got mad (he probably found out I knew stuff) and broke a pencil. I'd seen that he had problems with anger and jealousy (he used to read my texts to my online friend on the other side of the world who is also a guy and got upset when I'd say they're personal and we weren't even together), but I didn't think it was that bad.
My friend (we'll call her R) told me she found out from another friend in our group that I was driving D crazy with telling his deskmate (a very close friend of mine) about stuff like weird fanfiction about my favourite singer (Gerard Way) and my variety of dirty jokes. From what R understood, he didn't like me speaking about sexual stuff (I haven't done anything like that, it's just an interesting topic to me) around him. I didn't understand why it would bother him, but apparently it did. Maybe jealousy? I don't know.
Nothing much happened until this Saturday when our whole class was taking album photos. The basic and typically "popular" girl in our class invited my group (the 7 emo girls basically) alongside her group (her another 3 people) to the new Japanese restaurant in town. We get along fine with them, though they kinda gossip about us sometimes, so we gladly agreed to eat with them. A girl in our group (whom D liked last year; she was much harsher in rejecting him - she blocked him on all platforms) is a tad bit closer to the popular girl, so the two of them made the reservation for 11 people at the restaurant.
During the shoot, D and another classmate that we're not very close friends with (they're chill, we just don't talk all that much) overheard our sushi plans and asked me if we were going. I said yes and tried to kindly say that we have a reservation already for 11 people and that they can tag along, but sit at another table. I felt bad because I've been excluded countless times in social situations in my life and I didn't want them to feel that. Their parents who were also there questioned me and I was too ashamed to lie, so I said that yes, we had a reservation. D and the other person didn't come in the end.
That evening I texted D apologizing and explaining that I was just invited and that I wasn't the one making the reservation. He said that it's okay and not my fault and he said that the other person was also not mad at me. He asked me why i was so obsessed with apologizing and I made a sharp remark I didn't think through about being annoyed at my friends' insensitivity about excluding them. He asked me why I was telling him all that and I told him to forget it. He encouraged me to continue and just speak my mind. I said no and told him I only had a question. I asked "do you still like me?" and I proceeded to explain why that would be impossible. He said I was changing the subject and I didn't realize that he was the one doing it in reality. He told me again to just speak and that nobody else will know whatever I tell him. I refused, but he somehow convinced me and I made a small confession about being lonely and feeling like only 3 people truly like me. It wasn't as personal as it may seem because I have much deeper feelings I have never told anyone, but I was still shocked that he somehow made me spit out things it takes a lot of hard work to get me to say as I am a very introverted and closed off person. For some context I was literally shaking and hyperventilating from anxiety throughout the whole conversation. I asked him again if he still liked me and he responded in the morning, completely ignoring the question and asking about a math test we recently took.
Yesterday evening, on Sunday, I talked to another classmate and friend (again not very close, but he's nice) whom I'll call L. L told me D had sent the group chat with the other person who I apologized to for the sushi thing, L and another classmate (I presume) screenshots of our whole conversation (even though he promised he'd keep his mouth shut). L sent me a screenshot of D saying I played him before and after I rejected him and said I manipulated him and only pretended to be interested in the things he liked just to get close to him (for the record, I'm a big listener, I love hearing my friends talk about their passions and interests). He also said he hated me. I was shocked and very upset because while telling me everything is alright and that the mess in my mind will get better, he was talking nonsense about me to others and sharing private information.
I told my friends about all of this. R said it's all my fault and that I did give him false hopes even after I rejected him and that I give him too much importance. She basically said I'm a bad person because I told D I wasn't ready to date anybody after saying I liked him. She probably believes I did it for kicks, just like D thinks, but I swear on everything I have that I'm just very dumb and I have no idea how to navigate human relations. I'm a massive people pleaser and it shows. Two friends said that it is what it is and another four said that it is totally not my fault and that I did not give him false hopes after I rejected him and that I barely even acknowledged him during that time (I also think so, but R said I kept flirting with him - I ignored him completely and he ignored me just the same so I am very confused as to what she deems "flirting"). They said I communicated clearly that it's not him, but rather a personal issue and that I am very sorry and I will respect his decision if he doesn't want us to talk or be friends at all anymore. I am in a dilemma.
I feel like a bad bad bad person for what I did and how I acted and I have no idea if R is right and that I did keep giving him false hopes or if all of my other friends are right and it's not my fault. I never thought that my behavior (existing in his perimeter) would be considered as flirting, but apparently R thinks otherwise. In R's opinion sending him two TikToks in 3 months and talking to him 3 maybe 4 times through text and another two face-to-face from December to now was too much attention.
So, am I a horrible person who deserves unhappiness or is D just overreacting and being manipulative and toxic? Please help this is really messing with my mind.

Ive never so so scared, lonely, and insecure in my entire life. All i do all day is either be alone and have constant negative thoughts about myself swarming me to the point where i cant even stay still or think straight or I distract myself with pointless shit.
Im finishing up Junior year and before the start of the year my mother said "try your hardest this year, Junior year is really important for colleges, if you get all As I'll be happy". Like everything she said that was a lie. I finished with all As and twice the amount of classes i normal take and our relationship has never been more horrible
Rn im looking at my college application and im genuinely scared for the future. During my Freshman and Sophmore years i was really immature. I was loud, attention seeker, never shut up, and mostly importantly didnt take school seriously. Because of that, my College resume is dogshit for any college i want to attend. For one i got shit grades in both my science classes (bio and chem) during Freshman and Sophmroe year. Im going into college as a PRE MED student majoring in BIOLOGY.
Thats not the worst of it, i basically slacked off all year for extracurriculars and my application is dry AF. No leadership positions, hardly any volunteering hours, barely participation in clubs. I also quit soccer due to stress reasons. Im doing the same for archery too. Ive done archery up until this year but like soccer it stressed me tf out and put me in another depression so im yet again quitting another activity. Another knock for applications.
And again that's not even the fucking worst part about it all. My STUPID. FUCKING. LAZY. ass hardly studied for the ACT. I just blew off the ACT classes my mom gave me during Junior year because im lazy and now my ACT scores are shit. I got a 25 the first time, second time i was feeling confident but only got a 26. Both scores not even in the ranges of the colleges i am expected to go to.
"Actually taking school seriously this year", what a fucking joke. Im still the same pathetic mf i was during underclassmen. So now ACTs off the table since im so shit at it. I took an SAT however it was right in the middle of finals, midterms, and AP test for all my classes so i could barely study. I got a 1290 on it which is about 27 on the ACT. My mom was fucking furious at me. I have basically one more chance to not fuck it up. The only dates left for the SAT is Aug and Oct. Oct way too close to the application deadline so i really only have one more chance. One more chance to study my ass off after the worst year of my life to get at least a 1400 on the SAT, and it's all my fault. Because i was lazy like always.
I dont know, rn im lying in bed alone after making myself depressed again with my thoughts with tears on my face and i just dont know what to do. I got really emotional suddenly and typed this up. I was gonna type about a bunch more stuff but the college thing took me so long and now the emotions gone.
I just feel so shameful about my entire status rn. I feel like some lazy, pathetic, skinny, ugly bitch rn and not like a talented, hardworking, academically successful, attractive child like my mom clearly wants. We're Asian so im basically a tool. Her bare minimum college is University of Pittsburgh, Ohio State, and UIUC, all of which are clearly not 'match' colleges for me. Downsizing and going to anything lesser just feels like failing to me.
I look at other kids in my grade who got like 30s first try on the ACT, have better GPAs, do extracurriculars, have leadership roles, etc and they're hardworking, honest, have friends, better looking, etc, etc, etc. Theyre just good people and im literally NOT. Everytime im in class i sit alone while they are all in groups chatting, and just being better i feel like dying. That's why im not gonna get together with my crush, shes literally infinitely better than me.
Again i dont know, im just so lost in thought and emotion, I have so much shit rn. College, being alone, start powerlifting, new gym routine, i wanna start calisthenics, i need a new diet, i want a different haircut, i need a new skincare routine, day and night study for the SAT, i need to get a job, i need to start making money this year, i have to do college classes this summer, i have to fix my eyebrows, i need a new clothes style, my body dsymorphia is getting really bad, my instrusive thoughts are getting really bad, i CLEARLY have an inferiority complex i REALLY need to fix, learning about college resumes, planning out college applications, college essays, colleges letters of rec,......
Like im so fucking confused and angry all the time and NOBODY is helping me. EVERYONE in my life either tells me im useless and wrong or just doesnt talk to me at all. Its always something new. Before this archery stress put me in depression for like a month, before that it was loneliness, before that it was more body dysmorphia, and more, and more, and more.
Im so confused and angry and i dont know what to do. I didnt even scratch the surface. Im mad again and so i just wanna conclude this. All in all i guess ill just keep on going.

https://archive.is/Fn2ma
With unanimous approval from the Zoning Board of Appeals, Ja’Duke Inc. is one step closer to opening its second performance art, driver’s education and preschool center at the former Greenfield Community College building at 270 Main St.
Ja’Duke owners Kimberly Williams and Nicholas Waynelovich came before the ZBA last week with a detailed plan to transform the 25,000-square-foot building into a facility equipped with a driver’s education classroom on the basement floor, classroom space to hold 35 infants and 45 toddlers on the first floor, and five preschool classrooms and three performance arts educational rooms on the third floor. Williams said she expects the facility will hold between 120 to 150 students per day.
“With a wait list of 120, you can’t just sit on your hands, you’ve got to do something,” Williams said.
Williams confirmed Monday that she plans on closing on the new property for about $655,000 by the end of June, with the goal of opening in 2025. Although Viva Tubes founder Dave Mell purchased the building for $700,000 in January 2023, Williams said it has remained unused since 2020.
Ja’Duke first opened in 2004 in the basement of the Colle Opera House before moving to its current space at 110 Industrial Blvd. in Turners Falls a few years later. It has grown to include driver’s education through the Ja’Duke Driving School, 75 weekly performance art classes under Ja’Duke Center for the Performing Arts, and 14 early education and child care classrooms through Ja’Duke Preschool.
Williams said Ja’Duke’s Turners Falls location will remain open for business as the company expands to Greenfield.
“[Child care and early education] is a much-needed thing in every community right now — I think it’s a no-brainer,” Williams told the ZBA Thursday. “This is mainly an expansion of learning into a more populated area.”
Williams said Ja’Duke expects to pay roughly $1.2 million to make numerous renovations to the Greenfield building, such as roof repairs or replacement, installation of new sprinklers, and upgrades to the heating, ventilation and air conditioning system.
Because the building is in a commercially zoned area, Ja’Duke needed to obtain a special permit from the ZBA to operate a private school.
Before the ZBA’s unanimous vote of approval, member Debra Gilkes noted that the board should consider the new business’ potential impact on traffic in downtown Greenfield, considering the school’s 120-150-student capacity and other large-scale projects being planned in the area, such as the redevelopment of the former Wilson’s Department Store. In response, Williams said student drop-offs and pick-ups at Ja’Duke’s current location typically take place quickly and efficiently, mitigating negative traffic impacts. She said the vehicles come and go “like a stream.”
“[The building] used to be a bank, so it was the same story. ... I don’t think it’s going to increase traffic any more than that,” ZBA Chair David Singer said. “Maybe we’ll be busy downtown, but it’s a thriving community and I assume it can tolerate this.”
When a resident asked how the presence of nearby cannabis dispensaries might impact the driver’s ed and pre-school facets of Ja’Duke’s business, Williams responded that there are not cannabis dispensaries within 250 feet of 270 Main St., and that even if there were, the school would embrace the opportunity to educate drivers ed students on marijuana and the dangers of driving while under the influence.
Following the planned renovations, the company hopes to launch Greenfield-based programming in early 2025.

Hey all, here is my scenario and current plan would love people to question my thought process.
Goal = Get off the treadmill, although still happy to work / consult but slow the pace down a bit enjoy more family time, Get a meaningful positive cashflow from investments.
38, Married with 1 kid (no more incoming).
PPOR = $1.8M (owe $0.69 cents (just cos) on $700k mortgage which can be redrawn. )
Shares = $1.4-1.5M after CGT in my company (way too high risk for me).
HHI = $200-220k pre tax (lower than alot of you, but partner has started new business which is starting to grow)
Yearly Expenses = $70k (can save around 50k per year after expenses). Potential for private school in 4 years, maybe..........
Plan
Sell $750k'ish of shares (after CGT) invest in commercial property ($2-$2.5M range, a good long lease,) with a net yield estimate 6%. Net cashflow around $30k-38k per year (not included capital growth). This will be purchased in a Discr. Trust with Corporate trustee to divy out the income.
Take $500k-600k of the last of the shares and sell down over the next 6 months place into some ETF's. Then add the extra 50k per year into the ETFs. Lets say $24k per year at a 4% withdrawal rate.
Leave 100k in High interest for commercial property issues and life things.
Whilst I'm working, the net income from the commercial property pays off it's mortgage.
Worst case, the above would provide me with $55k per year in income, with $70k expenses. Meaning I have the flexibility to take a lower paying role, and still save and still have growth in my investments.
I'm not really touching the equity in my house at all as it's a safety net, but I could potentially look at using against another investment down the road and debt recycle. I could potentially leverage more tbh.
The above plan spreads my NW risk across, my house, commercial property, and the Market (ETFs), and gives me flexibility and cashflow over the coming years to find a job that aligns more, figure out my next steps and reduce any major stresses.
What are people's thoughts?

Hello! I am a 4th yr undergrad student taking BS Chemistry and I am planning to proceed to med school nxt year. I have a lot of questions po, hope you will give time to answer. Thank you.

1. How hard is the NMAT? My target NMAT percentile rank is 90+. Should I enroll in a review center, or is it okay to self-study?
   
2. I did not perform well in my pre-med course and have failing grades. Are there medical schools that do not accept applicants with failing grades? If so, which ones?
   
3. Considering that I have failing grades but a high NMAT percentile rank, such as 90+, do I still have a chance of being accepted into UP, PLM, Ateneo, UST, St. Luke's, and CIM?
   
4. Which medical schools offer free tuition?
   
5. Since I am planning to complete my residency abroad, will these medical schools that offer free tuition require a return service?
   

This week's book club list is as follows (enjoy reading and comment which your favourite is below):
​

1. The Lost Art of Compassion: Discovering the Practice of Happiness in the Meeting of Buddhism and Psychology by Lorne Ladner: Dr Lorne Ladner rescues compassion from this marginalised view, showing how its practical application in our life can be a powerful force in achieving happiness. Combining the wisdom of Tibetan Buddhism and Western psychology, Ladner presents clear, effective practices for cultivating compassion in daily living.
2. Choosing Happiness: Keys to a Joyful Life by Alexandra Stodda: Happiness lies in the passions we pursue and in the pressures we decline. It is in knowing how to work and when to play. It is in the treasured objects we keep nearby and in the ordinary moments we elevate into small celebrations. It is in the note we write to a friend and the kindness we show a stranger. It is in the colors we love and the music that transports us. It may be as simple as sunlight on your face; as sudden as a shared smile; as sensuous as a single flower on your desk, candles on your nightstand, or cookies hot from the oven. Happiness is what you make it, where you make it. Happiness is our best choice.
3. Health, Wealth and Happiness: You Can Control Your Destiny by David Singh: David Singh's dramatic journey from the jungles of Guyana to the helm of one of Canada's largest financial planning companies provides the backdrop for this guide to lasting happiness. Advocating wise investments, careful planning, and healthy eating choices, this inspirational book uncovers the secrets to a happier and more successful life.
4. What All the World's A-Seeking: Or, The Vital Law of True Life, True Greatness Power and Happiness by Ralph Waldo Trine: Ralph Waldo Trine was an influential member of the New Thought movement. He was one of the first people to write about the Law of Attraction. Long before Rhonda Byrne discovered the secret that one's positive thoughts are powerful magnets that attract wealth, health, and happiness, Trine already knew it.
5. Authentic Happiness: Using the New Positive Psychology to Realize Your Potential for Lasting Fulfillment by Martin Seligman: I have read about 80 pages and I am enjoying Seligmen's friendly, engaging writing style so far. Also, there are interesting facts about each person's 'range' of happiness being fixed on a spectrum.Great so far. Will attempt to update review when I have completed the book.
6. Happiness Hypothesis: Putting Ancient Wisdom to the Test of Modern Science by Jonathan Haidt: Jonathon Haidt is a terrifically productive thinker about psychology. This is book is a credo and a guide book to your own happiness via an accomplished romp through the psychological literature which Haidt uses to explore the truths of ancient religion. I'm surprised it's not a wild best seller, but I think I know why - it doesn't have an singular and catchy formula for your salvation which you can learn in your lunchtime and hear about ad nauseam on late night TV infomercials. Just well written, well thought out commentary on the formula for a happy and fulfilled life distilled from the psychological literature.
7. It's All in Your Head: Thinking Your Way to Happiness by Stephen M. Pollan, Mark Levine: If you've ever wanted to have a conversation with someone on a normal level about undoing negative thinking patterns, this book is about the closest you'll ever get in written form. The style is conversational, pragmatic, and realistic. Kind of like talking to a favorite uncle or aunt who is just "on the mark" about dealing with life. The book focuses on 8 behaviothought patterns that hinder us from being happy NOW, and provides simple, easy "exercises" to do to help overcome them. It is also one of those rare self-help books that the whole family can read, enjoy, and profit from. In my opinion, this book is better than any other I've read by Wayne Dyer, Deepak Chopra, Nathaniel Branden, and many others. If you've ever thought you can be happier, YOU CAN, and this book can help you get there.
8. Handbook on the Economics of Happiness by Luigino Bruni, Pier Luigi Porta: This Handbook provides an unprecedented forum for discussion of the economic issues relating to happiness. It reviews the more recent literature and offers the interested reader an insight into the vast scope of the field in terms of the theory, its applications and also experimental design. The Handbook also gives substantial indications as to the future direction of research in the field, with particular regard to policy applications and developing an economics of interpersonal relations which includes reciprocity and social interaction theory.
9. Freeing your child from negative thinking: powerful, practical strategies to build a lifetime of resilience, flexibility, and happiness by Tamar E. Chansky: This book is excellent for those who wish to embrace Food Combining i.e. what has become known as the Hay Diet. It is where one avoids mixing starch-based foods and protein-based foods in the same meal.
10. The 7 Steps of Spiritual Intelligence: The Practical Pursuit of Purpose, Success and Happiness Volume by Richard A. Bowell: Pioneering researcher and educator Richard Bowell delivers the first and only self-help guide to the power of spiritual intelligence (SQ)-the next evolutionary stage in our pursuit of purpose, success, and happiness. He introduces the latest breakthroughs in neuro-science. Life lessons from such exceptional individuals as Nelson Mandela to Ghandi and Mother Theresa take readers on a self-guided journey to personal development and growth.

So, which one are you picking up next or have read? Let us know with a comment and upvote and share this post and our sub bodychemistry to stay tuned for more reading lists every week!
Love, marmalada

Hi!
I haven’t posted on this sub in literally years. I wanted some advice and possible personal anecdotes from people who have been through the same thing. I applied for the first time to medical school in 2020; was rejected due to low GPA (3.0c and like 2.9s) and sub 500 MCAT scores. Going into 2021, I took post-bac courses to bring up my GPA, but it barely moved since I had already graduated by then and had taken so many courses already. I ultimately ended up giving up after this realization and was able to enroll in a nursing program in 2022, with the goal of becoming an NP or CRNA. I’ve decided within the last year that becoming an NP would not align with my goals, and I wanted to pursue medical school again. -current GPA 3.0 for core and 3.0 for science (some of my pre-reqs for nursing school helped my science GPA because they fall under the science category) -492 and 496 MCAT scores in 2020 (both now expired) -I graduate from nursing school this august -planning to enroll in the masters of biomedical sciences courses offered by the medical school I’m interested in -will be retaking my MCAT within the next 2 years
I’m feeling a bit defeated, as that same school had a general admissions chat recently, and their director relayed that ADCOMS look unfavorably on people who were in the medical field before (nurses, EMTs, paramedics etc.) because they ask why did they change their mind?
I am wondering if anyone can offer insight on how I could frame my application to get the best results. I feel as though I have extenuating circumstances that can explain faults on my application but I just need some guidance. -my 492 and 496 were taken a month apart right after I finished my first undergrad degree; I took my second attempt a few days after my family received the news that my cousin killed his girlfriend -I am a URM and my family could not fathom the thought of me going to medical school (took too long, too much debt, not making money to add to the family fast enough). My grandmother literally told me that my peers will pass my financially for being in school so long and that I won’t be able to contribute to the family if I pursue medicine, so I sought nursing as a stable and quicker option to address the financial needs of my family and myself.
I am hoping someone out there will be able to resonate and advise me on what to do. Thank you all in advance for your help!

hi all, it’s my first time posting so i’m going to try and make this as clear as i can, open to clarifications if needed!
so, i am offered by SIT for their UoG nursing programme and i am very short in time to make a decision on which i should pursue because both have their strengths. I am considering SIT because of what they offer (specifically the glasgow programme) but i am also worried about the trimester system they’re using. i was also pre empt on how rigorous the lessons can be as well.
on the other hand, i was also looking into taking a part time degree in nursing prior to receiving an offer letter from SIT, as back then i wasn’t confident in even receiving an offer from them. I was considering la trobe at that point in time, and currently still reading more into other schools (i.e. kings college, curtin etc)
as i am just literal days away from the deadline, i hope people who have gone through the dilemma i am facing, or who have chosen either paths to share their experiences and why they chose that way.
thank you!

TL;DR - What’s the most cost effective neighborhood for GREAT schools, nature, and nice/community oriented people?
We’re originally from a <10,000 population town in Arkansas. I got a job in DC a year ago and left a DV situation with 2 small kids. I didn’t really want to live in DC but for whatever reason it was the only job I could find then, so I pushed out a liiiitle bit to Arlington and commuted for the schools and a slower paced home life. I haven’t been able to save much, but I recently got a remote job and I’m going to use this opportunity to move to a lower COL area, hopefully buy a house in a few years.
I value my children’s education - so much that I wanted to homeschool them but as a single mom from a poor family I had to let that go. (I was a semester away from a Bachelor’s degree in engineering, but ran out of money and that’s on my agenda too.) I have a 4 year old and 1 year old, so I have a little time to get it figured out but it’s definitely top priority for me in the long run. I prefer a Montessori-type school but I can let that go if there’s a school where it isn’t just sit down and be quiet.
Next, we like trees and nature walks. I want to be closer to the beach than the 3 hour drive we have now but not so close that tourist traffic ruins the summer if there is tourist traffic?
Also, I don’t plan to go out often. I’m going to try to go out without the kids once a month just for my sanity but I don’t need a night/club scene nearby. Just something like a movie theater or spa.
Last, thanks for reading all this. I know you probably didn’t expect to read a life story and a “where should we live” post at 5am, but here I am. There should be a travel agent type job for finding a place to live.

Hi everyone thinking about taking MICR 4600 Immunology with Porter! I wanted to give you a breakdown for the class format and explain how it functions. I just finished Immunology with Porter (was one of my CLS pre-reqs) and this class is no joke. It was one of the hardest classes I have ever taken and I already have my degree in Microbiology. Please be ready for being tested comprehensively on the information you learn. Not only is there lots of content to learn, but Porter will design ways to test your understanding of how to apply the info you learned in lecture.
Grade breakdown - lab and lecture are graded together. There is a total of 1000 points you can earn from each. You need to do well in both to get a good grade:
Lecture Component (600 points total):

• Reflective Essays (20 points)
  • Easyish essay on what you expect from the class at the beginning and then again after the final (2 essays).
• Active Learning (50 points)
  • Randomly during class, there will be a ~2pt assignment just explaining the lecture content you learned. Acts as an attendance checker
  • This isn't tested on if you get it correct its graded by participation and if you get it wrong she just comments the right answer.
• Case Studies (100 points)
  • Five team-based case studies: 10 points each
    • Every other week you get a group assignment. Using information you learned in lecture, you need to assess a medical issue. You must explain the immunological causes, key information why you diagnosed what you did, what diagnostic tests you should run to assess the diagnosis, and some questions that may be applicable for the case.
  • Final team-based case study: 50 points
    • Same as above but this one is presented to the class (powerpoint + 1 question from Porter)
• Seminar Synopsis and Research Question (30 points)
  • You will get two guest lectures during this class. You will need to write a paper on the research/information being presented during one of these lectures.
• Weekly Post-Lecture Quizzes (150 points)
  • Fifteen quizzes: 10 points each
    • These quizzes are really challenging! You get two chances and your grade will be the average of the two. Study the lecture before taking the quiz.
• Midterm Exam (100 points)
  • Free response with a few multiple choice questions
    • About 5 pages of free response
• Final Comprehensive Examination (150 points)
  • Similar to midterm setup.
    • About 11 pages of free response (comprehensive with emphasis on lectures after midterm) plus 20 multiple choice.
• Midterm and Final have an essay portion due the night before the test. You need to find a regular news article(NYT/BBC/etc not actual science or research journals) where you describe news on information from the lessons in class. Should be an easy 10 points for each.)

Laboratory Component (400 points total) ~with Dr. Tapia:

• Weekly Pre-Lab Quizzes (60 points)
  • Twelve quizzes: 5 points each
    • Easy just read manual and due early morning before lab section
• Safety Quiz (10 points)
• Quizzes 1 and 2 (80 points)
  • Two quizzes: 40 points each
    • Open lab notebook. As long as you keep your notebook updated, you'll be okay but be sure you have all the reagents whole names written down.
• Graphs (30 points)
  • Three graphs: 10 points each
    • Will be on lab data given by the professor. Make sure you include all the information required on the assignment or points might be deducted.
• Lab Notebook (50 points)
  • Needs to have images or drawings of experiment if noted in manual.
• Poster Session (50 points)
  • Poster: 30 points (team)
    • Team makes poster but each individual is required to present during a poster session.
  • Poster presentation: 10 points (individual)
  • Poster evaluations: 10 points (individual)
• Final Comprehensive Laboratory Examination (120 points)
  • You get a cheat sheet for this.

General Policies:

• Attendance for both lectures and labs is mandatory.
• No make-up exams or late assignments are accepted unless justified (e.g., doctor's note). She's pretty strict with exceptions without doctor note.
• Participation in lecture will help you accumulate extra credit for your final grade so participate often and go to office hours!!

Feel free to ask any questions below. Happy to answer :)

(TL;DR: My brother is a freeloading hog that doesn’t touch grass or communicate with ppl and just stays in his mom’s basement playing video games and I’m not sure I’m worried or envy him)
I (18->19) and my brother (22->23) both live at our parent’s house. For many years I’ve been planning to move out due to mental and personal reasons. Found an apartment that’s not too big nor small for a good price and it’s about 2hrs from where I would originally stayed. There’s a college nearby and plenty of places looking for new hires so I’m not worried about rent. I’m making friends in the area (others go to school there) so i wouldn’t be alone and confused when I move.
I’ve learned the basic stuff an individual needs to know to live on their own (cook, clean, etc.) My brother on the other hand barely does.
Made multiple friends, went on a couple dates, and started working at 15 but my brother has been in 1 relationship that only lasted a day and it was with a girl over the internet. He doesn’t go out at all…unless he has work, wants junk food or wants a better gaming system/pc.
He finally got his first job at 20 or 21yrs (idr) and it pays very well. He gets paid $300-$400 every week and I make $10hr + tips at get paid every 2 weeks.
Groceries or cook meals never last. My brother well take VERY BIG portions and not think about others, he would also eat our snacks (me and our father mainly) without asking and we would find empty containers and bags. (We both had to start hiding our stuff)
I help our family financially sometimes (food bills etc.) while my brother is the cause of some bills, he would tell our mother, “ask younger sibling for it”. He’ll ask us for money and get mad when we ask him. (he makes more$$$) when asked to do ANYTHING he gets made, when we give ADVICE he gets mad!!!
At this point I’m not sure if im mad or worried about him. We’re both raised very differently and kinda envy him, but at the same time I’m worried about his future…

Sorry if this gets a bit wordy, I'm having a hard time making this as concise as I would like.
I have a ROM of Pokemon White 2 which contains some (completely legal & unhacked) legends, events, shinies, & Ribbonmons that I plan on eventually migrating through my legit copies of Gen 6 & 7 games, then eventually on to Home/Gen 8/Gen 9. My question is:
1: If I use PKSM instead of the Pokemon Transporter app to move Pokemon from White 2 to an authentic Pokemon X cartridge, is there some kind of legality check that Bank/Home does that will flag when I eventually move them off that cartridge through Bank & Home?
It's my understanding that Transporter moves them from a Gen 5 save into Bank, so does that initial Transporter-to-Bank movement stick any sort of identifier onto them that would be missing if I just used PKSM, thus flagging Bank/Home that these Pokemon are illegal due to its absence? I believe Home uses what I've seen referred to as a Home Tracker ID, which if Home doesn't detect on something that logically should have it (e.g. a Pokemon on a Switch game originating from a pre-Home game, thus requiring to have passed through Home to be on the Switch in the first place), it doesn't play nice. Does Bank have anything like that/Does Home check for some sort of "Bank Tracker ID"?
Tl;dr, if I want to eventually migrate Pokemon from an older game to the latest games, does PKSM completely do the job, or am I shooting myself in the foot by not using the "official" methods?

Hi all, my younger brother is a left-handed kid and wants a Fender PLAYER STRATOCASTER® LEFT-HANDED so badly. While US Fender does not ship guitars to China, I also can not carry the guitar back to China becuase of some pre-scheduled plans.
I did some research and knew there are manufactures of Fender in China which gave me some hope. The fact that my brother will graduate from middle high school this summer and crave to start learning guitar this summer makes me really want to help him.
Any one knows how to buy that model in China or simply points out how to connect with Chinese manufactures? I asked some Taobao stores and it is really hard to find a left-handed model.
Or, worse senerio, any left-handed models for recom in case I could not find the one my brother wants^
Thank you all!!

Hi all, my younger brother is a left-handed kid and wants a Fender PLAYER STRATOCASTER® LEFT-HANDED so badly. While US Fender does not ship guitars to China, I also can not carry the guitar back to China becuase of some pre-scheduled plans.
I did some research and knew there are manufactures of Fender in China which gave me some hope. The fact that my brother will graduate from middle high school this summer and crave to start learning guitar this summer makes me really want to help him.
Any one knows how to buy that model in China or simply points out how to connect with Chinese manufactures? I asked some Taobao stores and it is really hard to find a left-handed model.
Or, worse senerio, any left-handed models for recom in case I could not find the one my brother wants^
Thank you all!!

For context - I have my CPL from Canada, but haven't flown in a while (basically since covid) but am looking to get back into flying this year. I can of course fly in Canada but I am in London currently for just 3 days and am really hoping to experience flying here before I leave.
I have been frantically searching for flight schools offering trial lessons and am super confused. I know I should have planned this ahead, but I messed up! Its not about the flight school itself - I actually found some good ones (i think?) like SEMET aviation, North Weald Flight training etc. but what I am worried about is getting there. Almost all of them are in the middle of nowhere and even after taking the train for 1-2 hours google maps still shows a walk of 30-40 min roughly..I considered taking a cab but that's almost as expensive as the trial flight! I could rent a car but I am nervous about driving on the other side and also don't want to stress myself before the flight.
So, I guess my question is there any good flight school in London or at least one with a easy public transport connection? Please, any help is much appreciated. Thank you!

Hello everyone. I got a job at my Hagwon almost exactly 3 months ago. Since I have been in Korea and working, I have had two completely free days the whole 3 months.
I work at a Poly school (won’t say which one for privacy reasons). When I interviewed, my director said that it was a lot of work but didn’t specify what exactly that meant. I understood that Korean companies work much more on average than American ones, so I was prepared for a heavy workload, but nothing like this. As I said in the opening paragraph, I have had only two free days in the past 90 days. The workload here is nothing short of Herculean. First, I have approximately 40 teaching hours a week. On top of this, we have to grade, correct, and comment 24 Poly Writers Club essays bi-weekly. We also have to grade, correct, and comment on language composition assignments weekly (a first draft essay and the final draft of the previous lesson). We have to do individualized student comments for all of our kindergarten and elementary students (kindergarten bi-monthly, elementary tri-monthly). They require us to make these stupidly long (my kindergarten comments came out to 4000 words for 12 students and the elementary comments 6000 for 22). In August were supposed to do comments for every student we teach (not just our own students), so I’m looking at about 60 comments. I have to grade 12 picture diaries every week. And this does not even mention the lesson planning. My Poly requires an extremely detailed lesson plan which usually takes me hours to make. I also have to do behavior numbers for elementary students. I also have 12 essays for higher level students that I teach that I have to grade both first draft and second draft bi weekly. I’m sure I’m forgetting some things, but you get the gist.
My mental health is suffering tremendously. I always have to bring work home with me and I end up working until 2-3am (I get off work at 6-6:40pm). I have a partner of 2.5 years that lives here as well, and we have not been able to go out together or really do anything other than stay home because I always have to work, so my personal relationships are suffering. Every spare second I have, I find myself mentally shutting down and zoning out. The sleep deprivation is not helping this either. I don’t have hobbies anymore because I don’t have time for them. I literally just wake up, go to work, go home and work, sleep and repeat. As I write this, I’m looking at a stack of 24 poly writers club essays that need to be corrected and commented.
I don’t want to leave Korea, like I said, I have a long term partner here, but I can’t keep up working like this.