Hey guys, I have 3B’s in my A levels and a 1410 on the SAT. I’ve read that a lot of people apply for the IBA entry test as well for an extra chance, will I get in regardless based off these scores or will I have to go through the interview? also how do i go about registering for the IBA test as well given I entered my SAT score while registering? thank you in advance!!

Young Pecos Bill and the Legendary Birth of Bitcoin

Young Pecos Bill wasn't your average Texas teenager. Born under a sky as wide as his imagination, Bill had an unquenchable thirst for knowledge. He wasn’t roping tornadoes or wrestling with mountain lions just yet. No, Bill had his sights set on something far more elusive: the world of technology. It was the late 20th century, and the digital frontier was as wild and untamed as the Old West had ever been.
Bill had always been a curious kid. While other boys were learning to ride horses and shooting tin cans off fences, he was tinkering with old radios and broken computers he scavenged from the local junkyard. By the time he was sixteen, he could hack into just about anything. But Bill wasn’t looking for trouble; he was looking for a way to change the world.
One hot summer day, as the cicadas droned on outside his makeshift garage-turned-laboratory, Bill had an idea. What if there was a way to create a new kind of currency, one that didn't rely on banks or governments? A currency that was as wild and free as the Texas plains themselves? Bill's eyes sparkled with the kind of mischief that only a young genius can muster.
Bill's parents were as supportive as they could be, though they didn’t quite understand what he was up to. “Bill, why don’t you go outside and get some fresh air?” his mother would say, peering into the dimly lit garage where Bill was surrounded by a sea of wires and screens. But Bill was too engrossed in his latest project to heed her advice.
He dove into his work, fueled by nothing but black coffee and dreams of digital gold. Bill knew he needed a name, a moniker that would disguise his true identity. He couldn't very well go around calling himself Pecos Bill in the world of cryptography. So, he looked around his garage for inspiration. There, amid the piles of circuit boards and soldering irons, he saw names like Nakamichi, Toshiba, and Motorola. They danced before his eyes, forming a strange but harmonious symphony of syllables.
"Satoshi Nakamoto," he whispered to himself, a grin spreading across his face. It was perfect—mysterious, exotic, and entirely fabricated.
Bill got to work. He coded through the night, writing line after line of what would become the Bitcoin protocol. He saw it all in his mind’s eye: a decentralized ledger, secure transactions, and miners who would keep the whole system running. By the time the sun rose, he had created the first cryptocurrency, a digital miracle born from the mind of a teenage cowboy.
Of course, Bill knew he couldn't keep this up forever. Texas wasn't exactly a tech haven, and sooner or later, folks would come asking questions. So, he released his creation into the wild, letting it take on a life of its own. Bitcoin spread across the globe, from tech-savvy circles to the mainstream, each transaction a testament to Bill's genius.
Despite the attention Bitcoin garnered, Bill remained in the shadows. He watched as the world speculated about the enigmatic Satoshi Nakamoto. Some said he was a lone genius, others claimed he was a group of developers. Bill chuckled at the theories, knowing the truth was stranger than fiction.
As Bitcoin grew, so did the scrutiny. Governments and financial institutions were baffled and intrigued by this new form of money. But Bill stayed one step ahead. He had designed Bitcoin to be resilient, decentralized, and anonymous. Even as experts tried to dissect the code, they found no clues to Satoshi's identity.
Bill's teenage years passed in a blur of code and covert operations. He managed to keep his identity a secret, even as Bitcoin's value soared. He communicated with other developers through encrypted emails, always careful to maintain his alias. His parents, blissfully unaware of their son's double life, continued to support his "hobby," thinking he was just another tech-savvy kid.
As the years went by, Pecos Bill's legend grew. He rode the digital waves just as he once dreamed of riding tornadoes, always one step ahead of those who sought to uncover his true identity. And while the world speculated about the enigmatic Satoshi Nakamoto, Bill was content to let them wonder.
In the end, young Pecos Bill had done what he always set out to do. He had tamed a new kind of frontier, not with a lasso, but with lines of code. And in true Texas fashion, he did it all with a wink and a smile, leaving behind a legacy as enduring and mysterious as the Lone Star State itself.
One day, long after Bitcoin had become a household name, Bill sat on the porch of his family’s ranch, sipping a cold glass of lemonade. The sun was setting, casting long shadows across the dusty landscape. He thought about the journey he had taken, from a curious boy in a garage to the mastermind behind a global financial revolution. He had outgrown the need for recognition, finding satisfaction in the quiet knowledge that he had changed the world.
As the stars began to twinkle in the vast Texas sky, Bill felt a sense of peace. He had woven himself into the fabric of history, not as a mythic cowboy, but as a digital pioneer. And that, he thought with a smile, was a tale worth telling.

It’s finally done, I applied/filled N-400 on my own but the rest (L1 visa, Adjustment, GC) was done with a lawyer.
Mariage based, LPR since May 2019 (L1-A before that). I applied under the 5y rule, because I was in the middle of a divorce during the application and didn't want to apply earlier under the 3y rule and become ineligible if the divorce was official before the interview.
Here is my timeline: - Feb 19: Online application - Feb 19: N-400 received - April 8: Interview scheduled (Newark, NJ) - May 21: Interview and same-day oath ceremony
Appointment/Day of (Newark Field Office): - 8:45: appointment time/check-in - 9:10: called to meet my case officer (very friendly) - 9:35: appointment is over - 10:35: called for oath ceremony (first of the morning, 50 participants… probably why we waited a bit) - 11am: all set.
The appointement with the case officer went very smoothly, she was very nice. We went through the following: - ID verification, photo, fingerprint - Swearing to tell the truth - Civics + reading/writting test - Reviewing the application (in my case she updated marital status) - Questions (have you? do you?) - Signatures
Civics questions: - 51. What are 2 rights of everyone living in the US? - 44. What is the capital of your state? - 59. Who lived in America before the Europeans arrived? - 78. Name one war fought by the US in the 1900s. - 3. The idea of self government is in the first 3 words of the constitution. What are these words? - 86. What major event happened on Sept 11, 2001 in the US?
Reading test: "Where is the White House" Writing test: "the White House is in Washington DC"
Good luck to all of you!

Hey everyone. I wanted to just review some changes that have taken place since I took over the space last week.

1. Rules: the rules have been updated. Please go read them.

Non-tech/hobbyists are designated to Sundays only now, with the correct flair only. You are responsible for assigning the correct "non tech" flairs. I will allow some posts into Mondays going forward if they were missed on Sunday, but I won't update the flairs for you, and they won't be approved without the correct flair. (It might go back to sat/sun when we bring on more mods)
1A. I can't believe I need to say this, but if you're a consumer, and are having trouble with a service you received from a nail tech, and you're complaining here, don't share their name. Vigilante justice and brigading nail techs on other socials is unacceptable. Pay with a card, do a chargeback, but DO NOT encourage people to go make comments on their socials. Any member caught doing this will be perma banned. Do I agree with how some techs treat clients? Absolutely not. But attacking people does not solve anything.

1. Automod has been activated to manage user posts. Going forward, posts will be held for moderator review. You will receive a message from automod when you've submitted a post. I will approve as I have time throughout the day.
   
2. Monday-Saturday- posts will only be approved from verified members. A verified member is someone who has sent their license numbeproof of certification to mod mail (please don’t send me private messages), and a "verified" user flair is assigned. This means that even if you are a tech, your post might not be approved M-Sa.
   

3A. I know there are a handful of you who have sent in your docs for verification. I will get to them asap.

1. I'm currently speaking with 2 members to add onto the mod team, but I would love to talk with anyone else who might be interested. It's always better to have more coverage than not enough.

Any questions or comments, feel free to discuss below.

I have 3 M4R Tp Link Mesh units in a 4200 square ft house. I am on a 1gb plan. My ISP is Spectrum, but I have chosen not to use their router. I am using one of the mesh units as my router. The TpLink system offers a Guest Network, which i use for in home cameras, whereas the Spectrum Router does not. I have used a Spectrum Router before, and my Speed Test results were much faster on my phone (S-22). My question is, should I give up the guest network and go back to the Spectrum Router and put the mesh units in AP mode, or stick with only the mesh units?

Seven months ago, I reached out to a local rescue looking to adopt a dog. They said they would match me with a dog and asked me some questions. I live in a downtown apartment and told them I was looking for a largish dog with low to medium energy who would mostly enjoy relaxing on the couch and going with me to the dog friendly restaurants in breweries in the city.
They suggested the dog I have now. He was about 6 months old at the time. They knew he was mixed with a hound because of his howl, but said he was pretty quiet indoors and liked to cuddle.
I have had him now for 7 months and he's not exactly what the rescue advertised – which they may not have known! I found out pretty early on that he was really high energy. He does like to lay on the couch, but only after serious exercise! I got a DNA test, and he is 100% hound (a mix of a few different types of coonhound). 
I came here for advice from other coonhound owners.
I do a lot with him and for him. He goes to daycare for a half day twice a week, and on the other days, he has play dates with the other dogs in my complex. I take him on a few walks a day, probably about three or 4 miles a day total. And we do training sessions, but he's not nearly as easy to train has other dogs I've had.
I have reached out to two different behaviorists. The first because he had some separation anxiety when I first got him, which is understandable if he was abandoned, and then because he gets aggressive during grooming and sometimes during play. There have been a few incidences of biting, never hard enough to break the skin but it's still scary. And I will definitely need professional help with further training, because he's just as stubborn as I have read hounds can be. He's mostly good indoors, and sometimes good on the leash. He has zero manners meeting other people are dogs, and I've made zero progress in that area on my own.
I'm just feeling incredibly overwhelmed, and I'm not sure if I'm in the right home for him. I feel like he's so much work every day, and while I have made it work, I do sometimes find myself thinking I wish I never got him, and then I feel terribly guilty. More than anything, I wanted a companion who would fit into my lifestyle. I work from home, but I work long hours, and I'm not an athlete or big on hiking or outdoor adventures. I don't know if he's ever realistically going to be able to join me anywhere in public, because he's so hyper and wants to sniff and explore. And I'm not faulting him for that, but sometimes I can't help but think that we would both be happier with other situations.
I posted in another thread, and someone brought up that he's right in the middle of adolescence, so maybe some of this might change. But I also recognize that he is not like the lab mix I had before who, after year, basically wanted nothing more than to play fetch for a bit and then crashed. I took that dog everywhere with me, how to eat, I'm beach vacations, and right now, I can't imagine that with him.
I am incredibly heartbroken even considering this, so I just wanted to hear an honest opinion of what the next decade might look like. He and I have definitely bonded, like he loves sleeping in my lap and crawling up next to me at night, but sometimes I'm just very overwhelmed.

Not so long ago I had an escort job. A divorced older man, in need of my service. When I ranged the bell, he opened the door and something moved around in the background, at first, I thought, someone else was in his house. It turned out to be the dog. The dog was big, but very friendly. The dog had a lot of energy, it was like a toddler in the amusement park. He pushed his nose into my crotch, and almost jumped me over. The customer laughed and said that the dog really liked me. We sat down and had a drink, I tried to put on my act, but that didn't go very well because his dog was all the time seeking my attention.
After a second glass, he suddenly apologized for having to walk the dog first. I waited and just watched TV. When he returned, we went upstairs and I lured him into the shower, because he smelled like a dog. Finally, he was ready for sex. We went into his bedroom, I undressed, crawled on top of him, grabbed a condom and I gave him a blowjob. Suddenly the dog entered the bedroom and sat down on the bed next to us. As it seemed, the dog was used to sleep on the bed. When I asked him to put the dog outside, he agreed, took the dog out of the bedroom and closed the door behind him. Before he was back even on the bed, the dog already opened the door.
I gave up and continued working. Moments later whilst fucking, I could see the dog staring at us, and that dog got on my nerves. The man noticed my distraction, and we changed position, but because of all the commotion he lost his erection. He took the dog down, and locked him up somewhere downstairs. Finally, we could continue, without the dog.
It didn't go well. Already after a couple minutes, the dog started barking. He didn't stop. He went down, freed the dog and gave some food, as a distraction. That gave us enough time for a quickie. As we fucked, the dog came up the stairs silently but quickly, and walked into the bedroom and started sniffing and licking my feet, and then I watched the dog moving his hips, the movement was very clear!! I said something like, “What is he doing?”, and he replied, “He likes you too.” and then apologized for the bad joke and pulled the dog away. I was shocked, because there are really men who want to see how a woman fuck a dog, and I’m already getting sick of the idea!! Lucky this one wasn’t, I believed him. When I got home, I immediately showered. I was covered in dog hairs, and everything smelled like a dog. I don't understand why people want a dog. And, YES, I do love animals, but not during sex.
I hope you enjoyed reading it; I write about what’s it like to be a prostitute. Why? Because I can't talk about it with my family and friends. I’m 42 and a single mom of 2 and joined REDDIT so I can tell in this community my story undisturbed.
I created my own community on REDDIT: “Life_as_a_Sex_Worker” hope to see you all there, many more post will follow. Any questions, suggestions? Send me a private message, big hugs to you all XXX💋

Hi all, first off, this group has made me feel less guilty about everything GD.
I was diagnosed with GD at 24 weeks; they refused to give me the 3-hour test as my numbers were high (but I had been eating a lot of sugar and had a lot of pasta and pizza the night before the test); but given my numbers now that is beside the point cause I do think I have GD.
I am 28 weeks today, so for the last four weeks, I have driven myself crazy; I spoke to a dietitian who essentially told me my diet is good and there isn't much I can change. For context, I have maybe 1/4 cup of steel-cut oats, a spoonful of PB, 5-10 berries, and 1-2 hard-boiled eggs for Breakfast. Have rice cooked in coconut oil sat in the fridge overnight (to reduce the GI) with cottage cheese and spinach for lunch, snack on beef jerky, cheese, maybe half a granny smith apples with PB, and sometimes guac with two pieces of tiny sourdough crackers. For dinner, I almost always have half a plate of salad with some Caesar dressing and either chicken/fish / or steak with half an avocado. And I walk 15-20 mind after lunch and dinner. My fasting numbers are consistently between 96 and 105 (I know, not good), but my post-meal numbers have mostly been around 105-117, except today, when my post-breakfast number was 131, after eating the same breakfast as always.
In all this, my OB has been quiet. Their office, not any doctor, called me the Monday after the Friday I got the test results and told me to prick myself four times a day and take notes of what I eat and the numbers. That's it. I am supposed to see them tomorrow, after a month of anguish, and the fetal-maternal specialist on Thursday. I feel so exhausted from all of this because clearly, the OB doesn't give two shits, I am trying, and I feel like I am failing badly.
I also got a CGM to see what was going on. My BG drops at night and returns up just in time for fasting to increase. At this point, I feel so deprived and tired of this and want to be able to eat some carbs and not just meat all the time. I am more than willing to take insulin; presumably, they will give me insulin. My thought process was that I might need insulin for night time, but after today’s post breakfast number I feel hopeless. :(
That’s all I wanted to say. Idk if I am the only one but I can’t wait for the baby to be out, I am no longer enjoying my pregnancy. And yeah, if it provides any perspective, I work in a very high stress job. Any suggestions is welcome. Thank you so much.

How did everyone find it? I think it was quite a simple test however that last question was hard but the rest of the paper I found chill but I reckon high grade boundaries?

Hi all. I am currently in the "throw everything at the wall and see what sticks" phase of treatment after numerous things have not worked. I have briefly spoken with my neuro about CBD or medical marijuana and she basically was like "we can try it, it's not going to hurt anything." I want to start with CBD because I want to stick to what it currently legal on a national level (in the US) for job purposes. If I really run out of options I will have to probably have to run some serious traps with my job to make sure taking medical marijuana would be ok and I won't get surprise drug tested one day.
So my question: there are SO MANY CBD products available and it is mind boggling, so do you have any recommendations on actual products, or at least things to look for on a product that would a) be legal at a national level in the US, and b) specifically treat pain of migraines/head injuries? Any guidance at all would help, I've looked for CBD options multiple times before and get super overwhelmed and just say forget it but really need to find some options so I can see if maybe just maybe this might help.

I had a wonderful childhood. I couldn't have asked for a better one. My parents, brother, family, ... so much love in my life.
As I got older, I started to become exposed to the harsh realities of life. The people closest to me and the ones I loved the most started to get sick and pass away. I lost my dog. Life wasnt the same. And later, was diagnosed with Crohns which had a massive impact on my life and self confidence. I felt like a lab rat.. so many tests, doctor visits, medicine, diets, needles, ... eventually extensive surgery.
Luckily, after years of torture, I made it out ok. I started to build back my confidence, and was optimistic about the future. Before I knew it, I met the love of my life. I felt so extremely lucky to have you in my life. It felt like a dream. I felt that after all that pain and loss, I had finally had something good happen to me.
As time we on, we became best friends. You confessed your love to me, said I was different than all the rest, and you saw a future with me. You expressed how special I was to you. I felt the same way.
We met eachothers families, who became so close with eachother. I truly loved your family, they felt like home. My family loved you so much... my parents loved you like a daughter, and I knew you loved them too. We had everyone's support and love. We were the golden couple. We grew and experiences so much together. Bought our first house, saw the world, new jobs, school, ... Everyone was so proud of us, and we were proud of eachother.
Somewhere along the way, you started seeking outside the relationship for attention. I knew you were very social, so at first, I was happy to see you making friends. I knew you had a difficult childhood and past, and didn't have many good friends, so I was very supportive and encouraged you to do things with your friends.
We were inseparable. Always going things together, planning trips, going on adventures. Everything was easy. We enjoyed eachothers company so much. We made eachother laugh, feel loved, and safe. We were so comfortable and open, goofy with eachother, and always so intimate.
We shared a lot of the same hobbies: plants/garden, camping, trails, video games, movies, travel, outdoors, relaxing at home, ... it didn't seem to matter what we were doing, we were happy together.
I loved making you smile and laugh. I loved seeing you happy doing what you loved, or eating a meal I'd prepare for you.
I always wanted you to have the best. Since you were in school, I provided for you. Food, toys, restaurants, trips, ... whatever you wanted. I wanted to give you the world. It felt so good to make you happy.
You would tease me and hint towards wanting to get engaged. After 3 years, it happened. We were so happy, and you were so excited and happy to share the big news. We started planning our wedding, moved into a bigger house, new jobs, everything felt good.
I never expected to love someone so much. This young woman brought so much love, happiness, and adventure into my life. She completed changed everything. Everything was so easy.. effortless.. felt right.
When we moved into your dream home, things became more stressful. The house needed a lot of work, as well as the property. Regardless, we were willing and eager to tackle projects together and were excited to make things our own.
As time went on, and school/work seemed to become more stressful for you, I was left finishing a lot of our projects and maintaining them by myself. I also stepped up and started trying to take on more of the chores and responsibilities so that you could focus on school/work and still have time to relax. I was happy to help give you some relief.
After a few months, your brother asked to be our roommate for a time. I was hesitant, but you encouraged me that it would be a good thing. He would pay and help around the house. At first, it was nice. However, as time we on, it became more and more stressful.
The stress of doing everything and having a roommate that didn't mesh well with us overwhelmed me. I knew it was temporary, so I endured it.
One day, you came home from your new job and expressed what a good day you had.. that you had the chance to work with a different doctor, and that he was very fun and nice. I was so happy to hear it, since I knew you hadn't been having good days and people had been difficult. I was glad you seemed to have a mentor.
You started to have more good days than bad, working with this person more and more. You started talking to me about them more, sharing things you learned and talked with him about. As time went on, I started to feel a bit jealous. You had been spending more time with this person than me... your shifts were long, and I hadn't been seeing you as much. You started even talking to our parents about this person.
I started to notice you texting him while we were at home together. I'd ask, and you'd happily share whatever it was you guys were talking about. One evening, you were texting this doctor late at night. I approached you about this, and expressed how it was making me feel. I felt that it had started to become too much, and wasn't appropriate. I didn't like the idea of this older married man communicating with my young fiance so much. I expressed that I was happy that you had a friend at work, but felt that it was becoming too personal and inappropriate. You tried to reassure me that you were just friends, and that he was old and married, you would never be attracted to him. I stood firm and expressed that I would like for you to only communicate while at work, or for work related matters. You agreed and assured me it was nothing.
As time went on, I noticed you would sometimes hide your phone, turn it away, flip it upside down, or turn it off as I walked by. At first, I thought it was just me being paranoid. But as time went on, it started to mess with my head... otherwise, everything was good, so I told myself it was nothing. You started to enjoy that type of work and decided to join his practice. I was happy you were able to make up your mind and find something you enjoyed. Time went on. At some point, you needed an invasive procedure done... and you requested that doctor complete it. I didn't love the idea, but you preferred to have someone do it that you trusted. After that, the doctor seemed to be a thing of the past.
As the wedding date approached, the excitement increased. We had everything planned out and we were so excited for our big day. I saw how happy you were throughout the whole process. I couldn't believe our big day was right around the corner.
Our wedding was like a dream. Everything came together so nicely. We had the best night of our lives. I loved seeing you so happy with our friends and family there to celebrate with us. We went on a wonderful honeymoon and I felt so loved and appreciated.
Once we returned home, our roommate left, and stress started to decrease dramatically in the house. I was so relieved. You finished school, graduated, and I threw you a big surprise party to celebrate. I had always put together parties for all your special occasions, and I knew you really appreciated that. After so many nights helping you study, it felt wonderful to see you walk across that stage and finally finish.
You shortly after moved to a different hospital, and seemed to really like your new job and everyone there. Life was so good...
The house and our list of responsibilities and all the maintenance was still a lot, but I felt we were quickly starting to knock things off our list.
One week, you started working a lot... I hardly saw you that week. We'd always text and check in, saying we loved eachother, missed eachother, and looked forward to seeing eachother. When the weekend finally arrived, you had mentioned your best friend invited you to join her for girl time. I realized you hadn't seen her much lately and encouraged it.
That weekend, my grandmother had been struggling. I felt alone in our big house and had wished you were there. We checked in on eachother while you were gone. I was expecting you to return one evening, so I had dinner prepared. I was hurt when you didn't arrive and decided to stay another night with your friend.
When I saw you the next morning, I was feeling pretty down. I was already sad about my grandmother, but also felt like an after thought that week. You were so happy to see me, which was nice. We had a nice evening, spent time together, .. you never stopped telling me you loved me.
The next day after work, I got home, and you seemed so cold and distant. You seemed bothered by something. I checked in, asked if you needed anything, then went about my day. It seemed like you wanted space. I checked in every few hours, and you were busy doing something on your laptop.
I prepared dinner and started watching TV. I encouraged you to take a break, eat, and relax some before bed. You joined me on the couch, but was quiet and explained that you had some work to finish.
As it got late, I went up to bed. You explained you'd be up a little longer while you finished your work. As the hours went by, I thought it was so odd that you weren't in bed yet. I knew you had to get up early... sleep was always such a priority. I got up to check on you and to get some water. You were still on your laptop.. I noticed you were looking at rooms to something. I encouraged you to get some sleep. You joined me, looking exhausted.
We cuddled, said we loved eachother, then fell asleep. The next morning, I finished getting ready for work while you slept. As I was getting ready to leave, I sae your laptop. I decided to check and see what you were looking at... another air bnb for a trip? I was curious. We shared the laptop, so I didn't feel like I was invading her privacy.
I opened the laptop and saw apartments. I was so confused. I checker her email.. apartments. I noticed she had Facebook messenger up with recent messages. I checked... my world turned upside down. Those seconds felt like eternity as my heart sounded and my stomach sank. I read a message to a friend saying she wanted a divorce, never loved me, felt like a stranger in her house, dreaded coming home to me, ... that she loved a doctor.. he's married, but his wife is a lesbian. That was easily the worst moment of my life. I panicked and didn't know what to do... I was in shock. After a few minutes, I decided to address this with you.
I quietly walked up the stairs, sat on the edge of the bed, and calmly woke you up. You were sleepy, asking why I woke up.. you still had about 30m before work. I apologized for waking you.. As I looked at you silently, I started to cry. I quietly said "I know...". "I saw the messages". She looked back at me in shock.. eyes wide in the dark. I asked if she had been having an affair. She said no.. then started to look at me as if I wad a stranger. It was a terrible feeling.
You got up to get ready for work, and said we'd talk later that evening. You left. I was standing in the driveway and felt sick. I wasn't sure if I could make it to work.. but being at the house was making me feel worse, so I left. I didn't eat anything that while day. While at work, I prepared myself for our talk.
When we both got home, you pulled up to the house and started to pack some things while I sat on the couch. When you finally joined me, you were quiet.. asked about my day, I asked about yours.. then more silence. I asked what you needed from me. You explained that you were feeling very anxious, and didn't want me to get upset. You said you were going to stay with a friend for a few days to clear your head and wanted to talk once we were both rested.
You left for almost a week while I stayed in our big empty house, taking care of our pets, and completely confused and dead inside. I hardly ate or slept. I desperately started reading and watching whatever information I could find to help explain what was happening and to prepare myself. I spent most of my time thinking, reflecting on our life. I started tonrealize how stressed I had been... and thought about all the things I should/could have done differently. I knew I treated her so well, but no one is perfect.
Looking back, I started to think about all the red flags. Love is blind. I truly loved, trusted, and cared for this person more than anyone in the world. I thought she felt the same way... I never imagined us seperating.
I started to think of that doctor she used to talk about.. and realized she probably never stopped talking to him. I started to realize that my wife had stopped opening up to me... was no longer emotional or vulnerable... her emotional? affair started to kill the emotional intimacy between us.
I was happy just to have her in my life and enjoyed just being with her... she never expressed or talked about being unhappy... if I had known, I feel certain that we could have fixed whatever was lacking. I would have met whichever needs werent being met.
Were you lonely while I was busy working hard for us? Was she bored? I would have happily planned more outings... whenever I suggested something, you expressed that you were tired or didn't show interest. I knew you enjoyed time alone, so I never felt bad doing my own thing. I figured you would tell me of you needed or felt something...
I was so confused... started to question what was real. When did this all start? Why? How? Terrible thoughts entered my mind... so many late shifts, staying the night at the hospital, leaving early to get the air bnbs ready, ...
I also realized that towards the end, you had suddenly started to listen to different music, got a nose piercing, tattoo, talked about signing up for a sport, working out, ... these were all things I knew you had wanted to do for awhile, but it was all so sudden.
Why didn't you ever communicate... I recall you expressing your concern with my stress, but nothing else. I felt that my stress was reasonable considering everything I was doing.. and knew it was temporary. I didn't ignore it though. I saw a therapist, and started making changes. Was it all too late?
When we finally spoke again, it was so nice to just see you. We sat and you were so friendly and sweet - it reassured me that everything was going to be ok. We made small talk and joked, which immediately lightened the mood. You suggested I spoke first. I expressed my feelings and how important the marriage was.. that I'd so anything to save it. I took responsibility for my side of things and expressed the changes I had made and would continue to make. When you started, you expressed that you would always cherish our time together, but we're set on divorce. That we both deserved to be truly happy. Shortly after, you left.
The days after, you started packing your things while I was at work. I was living in a big empty house, every day getting more and more empty. I was a complete mess living in hell. Her family started to reach out to me and shower me with support, apologies, and disbelief. No one could make sense of this.
After a week or so, I couldn't take it any more, so I moved to stay with my parents while we finished moving out. I attempted to stay cordile through all this. You seemed so unphased and happy... texting me and talking to me like we were still best friends.
You explained that you felt bad for saying you never loved me... that you did, but not in the way a wife should love their husband. That it could be years, but in the future, I could count on you.
As time went on, and the pain increased, I was more distant. You texted more and more. Finally, I suggested that we limit communication unless she was interested in working on our marriage.
As the days went by, you grew colder and irritated.. I started to feel like the bad guy. I know you started to feel the weight of your decisons, and starred to project onto me. Making me the bad guy made you feel better. I attempted to end things on a good note... being helpful throughout the move out process, but you were so cold. It hurt so much... 5 wonderful years tossed aside like it never mattered.
I havent talked to you in weeks... I miss my best friend, my love, your family, our pets, and the wonderful life we built. I'm left trying to pickup the pieces. I feel so lost, confused, broken, ...
The tremendous amount of support I've gotten from both sides has helped a lot. I'm seeing a therapist, reading a lot, eating more, working out, and focusing on my self. The days are getting better, but I still have days where I am a mess.
I havent been sleeping well... always tired. Waking up several times, terrible nightmares and thoughts of you being with another man... I still have believe you would be capable of all this.. of hurting me so much.
I have urges to reach out to you... wanting to fix this, that there must be a misunderstanding... there are so many things I'd like to say. I got complacent and comfortable during our time together. I stopped doing the little things as often as I used to... I never meant to hurt you, make you feel lonely, unloved, unappreciated, ... whatever it is you felt. It's difficult for me to accept that my sweet innocent wife was capable of this... surely there was a reason?? I was just so caught up in my list of things... I was working so hard for our future.
I feel like my wife was manipulated by this man... why does an older doctor (20 years older) have a lesbian wife? He doesn't love her like she seems to think... he is using her. I feel sorry for her... I know there is no future there.
I've done a lot of reading on Attachment Styles, Limerence, love addiction, and other things that come as a result of childhood trauma. I feel like a lot of this has to do with her trauma... but also her selfishness and emotional immaturity. There is nothing I can do. I just pray she figures things out on her own, finds longlasting happiness, and puts an end to this cycle.
I would love it if we were able to reconnect in the future... I still deeply love and care for her. I don't want our story to end... none of this feels right. My gut is screaming that this is all wrong. I just know we both need to work on ourselves for the time being.
One day I had it all, the next, it crashed down before my eyes. Meeting you was the best thing to happen to me... you leaving was the worst. You rushed out of my life so quickly... I wish things were different.

Hello, I have a question that maybe someone knows about or has experienced before.
I am training to compete (I do kickboxing, I am 25, 1.80 meters tall, and weigh 86 kg). My physical performance after the COVID vaccine (Sputnik, 2 doses) has been terrible. I lost my morning erections, have "chronic" fatigue, my libido is very low, and nothing seems to help. I was like this for a long time, and recently I decided to solve this problem.
I have been seeing a sports doctor, who prescribed creatine before my workouts and also "Second Shift," which is a supplement from Star Nutrition. I also went to a urologist and was diagnosed with varicocele. According to the urologist, it should not affect my sexual performance or testosterone production.
The sports doctor, who is also monitoring me, requested some blood tests. The result is as follows (according to him, my total testosterone is low):

Hormone	Result	Normal Range
CPR4	1.4 mg/l	[ 0 - 6.0 ]
Glucose	87 mg/dl	[ 70-110 ]
Phosphorus	2.9 mg/dl	[ 2.7 - 4.5 ]
Iron	147 ug/dl	[ 59 - 158 ]
Transferrin	213.0 mg/dl	[ 200 - 400 ]
Iron Binding Capacity	270.5 ug/dl	[ 274 - 497 ]
Iron Saturation	54.3 %	[ 20 - 55 ]
CPK	418 U/l	[ 0 - 190 ]
Urea	35 mg/dl	[ 5 - 50 ]
Creatinine	1.0 mg/dl	[ 0.4 - 1.4 ]
Uric Acid	5.4 mg/dl	[ 0 - 7.0 ]
Gamma GGT	19 U/l	[ 8 - 61 ]
Sodium	137 mmol/l	[ 135 - 148 ]
Potassium	4.36 mmol/l	[ 3.5 - 5.3 ]
Magnesium	2.0 mg/dl	[ 1.7 - 2.5 ]
GPT	32 U/l	[ UP TO 37 ]
GOT	30 U/l	[ UP TO 37 ]
ALP	167 U/l	[ 68 - 240 ]
Cholesterol	135 mg/dl	[ 100 - 200 ]
Total Proteins	7.1 g/dl	[ 6 - 8 ]
Direct Bilirubin	0.4 mg/dl	[ UP TO 0.2 ]
Total Bilirubin	1.1 mg/dl	[ UP TO 1.0 ]
Ferritin (FERR)	392.5 ng/ml	[ 30 - 400 ]
Thyrotropin (TSH)	3.04 uIU/ml	[ 0.27 - 4.2 ]
FT4	1.32 ng/dl	[ 0.93 - 1.70 ]
Cortisol	13.12 ug/dl	[ 6.2 - 19.4 ]
Total Testosterone	5.59 ng/ml	[ 2.8 - 8 ]
Bioavailable Testosterone	9.22 nmol/l	[ 5 - 15 ]
SHBG	35.52 nmol/l	[ 14.5 - 48.4 ]
DHEA Sulfate	127.7 ug/dl	[ 211 - 492 ]

Resume
Low levels:

Hormona	Resultado	Rango Normal
FT4	1.32 ng/dl	[ 0.93 - 1.70 ]
Total Testosterone	5.59 ng/ml	[ 2.8 - 8 ]
DHEA Sulfate	127.7 ug/dl	[ 211 - 492 ]
Transferrin	213.0 mg/dl	[ 200 - 400 ]
Iron Binding Capacity	270.5 ug/dl	[ 274 - 497 ]

High levels:

Hormona	Resultado	Rango Normal
Iron Saturation	54.3 %	[ 20 - 55 ]
Ferritin (FERR)	392.5 ng/ml	[ 30 - 400 ]
SHBG	35.52 nmol/l	[ 14.5 - 48.4 ]

Regarding all of this, he suggested I undergo testosterone injection therapy via intramuscular injection. I asked him if this is risky because I understand that once you inject or take a dose of testosterone, one of the problems is that your testicles stop producing it.
What do you think?

We take seats at a meeting table in the castle, Princess Jiakyn taking a seat first, then Seirialia, Tyrelia, Trenon, Lankensy and Kyrem, then the castle commanders who are quite surprised by presence of princess in their castle, and lastly Jakan and I take seats.
'Alright, explain then.' Lankensy says calmly to Princess Jiakyn. I wish I could have talked to Jakan about her before we sat down.
'Well, it took some persuasion for me to make the journey here. I am not going to just learn with theory, I need something to practice on and I have spell ideas that I want to try out.' Princess Jiakyn says calmly and in persuasive tone. Jakan and I looked into each others eyes for a moment, Jakan looks very concerned and, really wanted to say something but, chose to stay quiet.
'This is a war zone, and there is a good reason why there is a travel ban in this zone too.' Kyrem says straightly without hesitation.
'All the more reason for me to be here, the soldiers would need my presence, so that they know that their efforts will not be thrown away and that they will be remembered.' Princess Jiakyn states in honest tone.
'Do you really believe that you are ready to witness horrors of war?' Jakan asks calmly and interested to Princess' answer. For a moment she looked unsure and slightly insulted that Jakan was the one to ask the question, she looked at others present and even at me. She noticed that all of people here agree with Jakan's question.
'I do.' Princess Jiakyn says with slight hesitation.
'Bold answer, I know it is rude of me to question you, but, know this, I have already vowed that. It is either life, or death, that will carry on. I have seen those horrors myself, I have even fought and executed my own brother in arms. There are good reasons why the castle commanders and heroes of the riven war agreed with why I asked.' Jakan states, not entirely convinced but, willing to guide, guard, shelter, save and teach Princess Jiakyn, if the heroes of the riven war allow.
'How do you have such confidence in the words you have spoken? Ghaudunian.' Princess Jiakyn asks after glancing at all present here.
'As I am a Ghaudunian, I have good grasp of both active and passive effects of dark arcane on people. I have warred against undead before the war, I have seen the horrors, faced sorrowing defeats and lived through moments of triumph. Here, there is only death, life and struggle. One of the heroes of riven war, has met me before the war.' Jakan replies without hesitation and puts weight on his words.
'He was one of the groundskeepers of the Ghaudunian academy which I studied at. Draconian is a brave, stalwart and a dominant figure cast from metal and forged from war. Not many survived from the beginning, to the end of the war. When he speaks of facing undead, it is for your better that you listen.' Seirialia says with honesty.
'You have spoken well, draconian. Although, I have a feeling that my presence here is not exactly welcome.' Princess Jiakyn states to Jakan.
'Not only have we caused a diplomatic and political scandal, I do fear that the undead would make you a priority target to capture. These are not feral or dark arcane maddened undead we are facing, somebody is organizing this affair.' Jakan replies calmly and shows the maps. Princess asked for a confirmation from heroes of the riven war and castle commanders.
'Jakan speaks the truth, I personally witnessed his victory over a revenant champion. His sword is fine, as is his mind for war. Such a destructive figure of battle, are rare and continuing to survive. Surely one of the finest retainers of the shadowy ones.' Salgi states with respect.
'Not only is he strong but, also has knack for dueling. Tied with Lankensy before his victory in a mock duel. Ages like finest wine, princess. I know and understand your distrust towards the Ghaudunians but, in this matter. There are no nations.' Kyrem states with respect.
'What about you? You must be a junior agent.' Princess Jiakyn says heeding the words of to be her people, one day. She asks from me.
'I am indeed a junior agent, it is thanks to me that we know some specifics of who plausibly are behind this. Where my senior, is a cliff breaker, I am his eyes and ears, where he is not. I am new to the organization, but, our lords strongly believed that my skills would only benefit your nation's grand effort on solving this crisis, which is why I am here.' Speak out my purpose of being here to her.
Princess Jiakyn listened very carefully what I said. Closing her eyes to ponder, she nodded and opened her eyes again. That eye color has to be rare for people of Valerie, pink and yellow. Her physical stature, isn't ideal for war but, if she is at least one quarter of Seirialia's skill in arcane. She most certainly would make a difference.
'Alright. I will place my trust on both of you. I believe you are both here to help.' Princess Jiakyn says to me and Jakan. I feel mildly relieved, still, her presence here is double edged matter, I sense she is mildly overconfident but, worse is that she is untested. 'What are your plans for today?' Princess Jiakyn asks in her usual tone of, slightly confident and strong.
'We do need to escort the supply caravan to the town to the north and north west. Right now, we need mages that can heal wounds and work as secondary ranged units. Princess Jiakyn, may I request your presence at the town?' Lankensy asks, this would be both perfect opportunity to bolster morale of the citizens of the town but, also place a target on her back though... Lankensy looks into eyes of Jakan and I.
I think I understand his intentions, Jakan to act as part of the caravan guard and, maybe send me ahead to scout whether it is safe for the princess to enter... Smart man. Jakan ponders what Lankensy tried to indicate to him.
'From what I have heard, the town was in terrible danger previously, what has changed?' Princess Jiakyn asks mildly surprised of Lankensy's proposal.
Castle commanders brief Princess Jiakyn of the situation. Northern sectors of the castle to the town are pretty much back in control of Valerie. She smiles warmly of hearing these news. 'What about you heroes? What are you going to do while this is on going?' Princess Jiakyn asks.
'Kyrem, Tyrelia. Do you two think you can go with me to the town as escorts for the supply caravan?' Lankensy asks after thinking about the situation for a moment.
'This makes sense, we are going to need only good fighters just in case we get intercepted.' Kyrem says, Tyrelia nods in agreement.
'We are quite busy here already. The mages will provide a lot of help in healing these people, I need your assistance too, lady Seirialia.' Trenon says calmly.
'After seeing the slugging match yesterday, I agree with you, Trenon. The more we can help to recover sooner, the better.' Seirialia says, well, that's that for the plans of actually getting to know the heroes of the riven war better.
'What do you want us to do meanwhile then?' Jakan asks pondering how Lankensy is going to answer his question.
'I was planning on having you part of the security convoy and have Volarie check the town for anything suspicious.' Lankensy replies calmly.
'Hmm... Solid thinking. I wouldn't be able to avoid attention in a city. Are you okay with this plan? Princess Jiakyn.' Jakan says calmly.
Jiakyn thinks for a while. 'I do not have objections. When do we depart?' Princess Jiakyn asks somewhat excited to get started.
'It will take a while for the supplies required for the castle to be unloaded. No thoughts on what to do while it is on going...' Lankensy states thinking about the matter.
'How about getting to know each other then?' Princess Jiakyn proposes warmly and innocently. She has some ulterior motives that I can speculate but, no way I am voicing them here, I believe Jakan is thinking the same.
'Well, there isn't really anything else better to do.' Tyrelia says with content tone.
'All of the forces required for the convoy are being amassed as the time goes by anyway.' Kyrem says with a neutral tone, not being for or against the idea.
'A sound idea, I would like to get to know you better, Jakan. Warrior like you, along with the past you have had, must have quite tales to share.' Lankensy says, interested to talk with Jakan. I am guessing that he looks to learn, both history and combat from him.
Very easy to see from Jakan's expression that he is thinking about it. 'You have remained silent for the most of the talk, young agent. Is something bothering you?' Princess Jiakyn asks, warmly and calmly. I can see why people would feel warmly about her.
'At the moment, there aren't really any concerns. As the younger agent, I chose that, my senior agent handles most of the conversations with both of us present and back his words.' Reply to her calmly and partially choosing to elaborate the dynamic between me and Jakan.
'We do have the time since everything for today was already discussed yesterday. Princess, if I may be allowed to be direct with you. I would like to comment on your decision.' Jakan says calmly requesting an allowance to be open to her.
'You may say what is on your mind senior agent.' Princess Jiakyn replies calmly.
'I believe your heart is in the right place when you came here but, I fear for your safety of being here. As you already know, our most recent victory which has secured north east and north of the castle, has very likely escalated the conflict. I have strong suspicions that, once enemy agents in or outside of the castle find out of your presence here, you will be a high value target, which could swing this conflict into favor of our common enemy.' Jakan states humbly and professionally.
'I believe in my people to be wise to not choose such action, and that you agents. Will spare no effort in thwarting any action taken against me.' Princess Jiakyn replies confidently.
'It is just us two here, no more, no less. Princess, I believe I am stretching your willingness to hear those, once your opponents word's but, I plea that you will seek council of the heroes of the riven war when you are making decisions of where to apply yourself. Our combined presence most likely has already set the rumors running, which is my secondary concern.' Jakan says with consideration and caution.
'Your concerns are certainly reasonable, agent Jakan. Once the information of why you are here and involved with our war against the undead, such rumors should no longer be of concern. I will take your plea into consideration.' Princess Jiakyn says calmly, I quickly glance at Jakan, who is, not all that convinced but, fears overstepping his influence, so chooses to just nod deeply to Princess Jiakyn.
Castle commanders speak with Princess Jiakyn and after talking for a while. The private talk is over and we all go take our positions to be ready for the convoy's departure to the town. Lankensy and Jakan go to talk slightly further away from Princess Jiakyn, Kyrem and me.
She could be trying her luck on find out more about me than I am willing to share or about our organization. To my surprise, slightly to my own happiness. 'From what I have heard from my friends, your past was a rather ugly one, societally. I know some deeds of those whose name is Volarie.' Kyrem states to open the conversation.
'I remember reading about my name, how terrifying the weight of it is, certainly explained a lot of the treatment I received. What do you know?' Reply to him calmly, keeping my happiness hidden from him.
'A ghaudunian self learned rogue, who stole, murdered and misdirected Ghaudun in the past, to aid Valerie in all ways possible. This rogue was finally cornered by Ghaudunian guards and some army personnel, chose to take it's own life, than ever reveal anything to it's fellow countrymen. I read some about his exploits, what a scoundrel... Part of me wonders what part will you play.' Kyrem speaks what he knows, his face is masked by the whole head helmet he wears.
'Know that it will not be as anything grandeur as those who came before me, I intend on keeping the home I have. There won't be one like it.' Say with light seriousness.
'Your lords chose wisely to adopt you into their order, you must not have taken the news lightly.' Kyrem replies, referring to my blood, human and dragon in nature.
'It shocked me, part of me wanted to run, part of me wanted to very much not believe it... I had those rumors myself. When I was introduced my new part of my family, it changed me, in all ways, for the better.' Say with warmth. Princess Jiakyn looks confused but, I as expected, she realized quite quickly.
'You have blood of a dragon of Ghaudun?' Princess Jiakyn asks mildly shocked by the realization, even if it isn't all of it.
'Yes, it was a battle accident. We believe primary target was the one whose blood I share. I became a secondary target, just because of proximity. Investigation is still on, we do not have answers yet.' Reply to her calmly.
'I have read about the tales of those who have dragon blood, few even have written book or two. Variety of those tales is, as large as backgrounds and jobs they did before the discovery. You have blood of a shadow dragon?' Princess Jiakyn asks, tone telling that she is interested to hear more.
'I do. Never believed that something like this would happen to me, but, here I am. Ever since the day of meeting him, my life has become a lot better.' Reply in content tone.
'Volarie. I will be quite interested on reading what you have written of your life. Have you learned anything special from the mixing of the blood?' Princess Jiakyn asks excited to hear. Briefly, I smile cunningly to her and then vanish into a shadow before her and Kyrem's very eyes.
'Seirialia told me of your abilities, now, I most certainly believe her...' Kyrem says with slight shock and awe in his voice, as I just stand mixed into the shadows, there, but, not there.
'Learning from the artists and masters of dark arcane, most certainly must have helped. I have read about this ability but, never expected to witness it with my own eyes. Your life most certainly went through a great change...' Princess Jiakyn says with respect, awe and some admiration.
I appear from the embrace of the shadows and stand confidently. 'They most certainly taught me well, I feared the dark arcane, they taught me how to use it and imparted knowledge which helped me greatly to never again fear it. Now I dance with the light and dark as easily as I breathe.' Reply warmly and staying humble.
'You are still young, the best is, it is only upwards from here for you. Envious of you I am, I have only began to understand the other arcanes.' Princess Jiakyn says being open about her emotions to an extent.
'Know that it wasn't easy but, even my teachers admitted that they were somewhat surprised how I was responding to their teachings, even with the struggles here and there.' Reply to her calmly and remembering some of those times.
'It is the only arcane you are adept at?' Princess Jiakyn asks, somewhat doubtful of my words.
'It is, during the Riven War, many of the talents, both dragon and non-dragon were lost, one way or another. They said that, I have a knack for some specific areas of dark arcane, they would have been interested to see what potential I have with the other arcanes but, many of the shadow dragons agreed that having me here, along with Jakan, is the best combination.' Explain to Princess Jiakyn calmly, she isn't a child.
More towards late teens than young adult, state where her world view is growing far more comprehensive and more detailed than before. 'You grew up during the war. Didn't you?' Princess Jiakyn asks, most likely has deduced my age enough well to ask.
'Yes, it was bad, peace... Almost as bad. There are a lot of strong personal emotions, for now, I do not feel safe enough to tell you about them.' Reply carefully and making it clear that, it is a rather sore area.
Princess Jiakyn was about to ask but, Kyrem placed his left hand on Princess Jiakyn's right shoulder, prompting the younger to look at him, he shook his head in reply to the confused expression of the late teen. 'I believe it was commander Salgi who put it best. "War's monsters are not always fought at the front lines." Those are memories best shared in a far more less intense environment.' Kyrem states in straight tone.
Princess Jiakyn seems to struggle understand as her gaze fixates upon me. 'I do not understand.' Princess Jiakyn says to Kyrem when they seem to make eye contact.
'I am not the right person teach you about it. Believe in this though, she wouldn't mind change of subject.' Kyrem says calmly and let's go of Princess Jiakyn's shoulder. Interesting, royal family must trust Kyrem so strongly that they would allow that type of interaction. Princess Jiakyn looked quite surprised and slightly disappointed. I nodded to her, that Kyrem is correct.
She seems to relent, probably acknowledging that there are boundaries that needs to be respected. Thank you Kyrem, I do not think I am at all comfortable to speak about it to her. She thinks for a moment and looks at Jakan for a moment, who is talking with Lankensy. The two warrior's seem quite content with their discussion.
'How did you get to know him?' Princess Jiakyn asks as I look at Jakan for a moment with a small warm smile of happiness. I look at the princess and think about my response.
'First time I ever saw him, was when he doing melee training, felt quite intimidated and scared to talk to him or even be in his presence, so, I just left my melee training for later. Made enough sound for him to realize that somebody had entered the room but, left a lot sooner than what was normal to him.
The shadow dragons had found out about my avoidance of other members of the organization which were not dragon. They told me that, they learned from the war that, incoherent organization, that is not able to trust members within the organization is not a well functioning organization.
They said that, they will allow me to take my time to approach him. It was a lot sooner than later, they set up our proper introduction, relatively innocently. He is whole lot gentle than from outside he might seem to be. Now, we talk like we are life long friends. The draconian is most certainly is a veteran and fluent, of war and death, but, he can be a good mentor about life and peace.' Explain to Jiakyn who is listening very carefully, Kyrem is also listening.
'It sounds rather strange of you to word it how you did. What caused such a shift in him?' Princess Jiakyn asks intrigued.
'There is always change, that which we can observe, that which we can be, to put it quite bluntly, very ignorant off.' Answer to Princess Jiakyn, who looks at Kyrem, man nods deeply in agreement.

Tagged as humor because I have to laugh in order to not cry. We’re all aware how low achieving students across the country are. This is my 7th year teaching and currently I’m teaching 8th grade Civics.
I am constantly shocked just at how low my students are and how much support they need performing basic functions and tasks. I know you all experience similar things in your classroom. I feel like I am constantly having to decide between what I know is right (where my 8th graders SHOULD be) vs what is reality (where they actually are). I used to teach 6th grade and the assignments I gave them with ease, I have to walk step by step with my 8th graders.
I had a moment where this caused basically an existentialist crisis and reckoning. I think I’m experiencing moral injury: becoming a teacher to help kids only to be forced to participate in a system that fails them at every turn.
I have 14 year olds who cannot write a complete sentence. A paragraph? You better give them sentence starters if you want anything remotely stylistic. Even basic reading comprehension questions after a paragraph passage I have to walk them through step by step. The lowest level I’m legally qualified to teach is 6th grade; I have no formal training in teaching a child to read or construct basic sentences. By the time they get to me it’s expected they already know how to do that but as we’ll know, many don’t.
I’m so alarmed on both a micro and macro level. Zoomed in, I love the majority of my students. They’re (usually) good kids but I worry that unless they drastically change in the next 5 years their earning potential is significantly limited because they lack basic skills. Zoomed out, I worry about our society. The gap between the haves and have nots (academically speaking, the students who can and cannot) is further widening and I am so scared about our future if a large chunk of our population can’t hold down an hourly position.
How do you deal with this on a daily basis? I feel like people outside of teaching are generally aware of this but they don’t encounter this 5 days a week. Right now the only thing keeping me going is focusing on my small group of all star kids.

I do surf and turf nights for my wife and me a couple of times a year, and I may have talked a big enough game to get myself into hosting a half a dozen people. I have a pretty good feel/method for cooking a perfect medium-rare filet, but some people like it cooked differently.
My method is pretty traditional: sear both sides, baste, oven to finish, and then tented rest.
If I want to get to medium-well, my question is which step above do I add time to? More oven time? More testing time? Etc

We take seats at a meeting table in the castle, Princess Jiakyn taking a seat first, then Seirialia, Tyrelia, Trenon, Lankensy and Kyrem, then the castle commanders who are quite surprised by presence of princess in their castle, and lastly Jakan and I take seats.
'Alright, explain then.' Lankensy says calmly to Princess Jiakyn. I wish I could have talked to Jakan about her before we sat down.
'Well, it took some persuasion for me to make the journey here. I am not going to just learn with theory, I need something to practice on and I have spell ideas that I want to try out.' Princess Jiakyn says calmly and in persuasive tone. Jakan and I looked into each others eyes for a moment, Jakan looks very concerned and, really wanted to say something but, chose to stay quiet.
'This is a war zone, and there is a good reason why there is a travel ban in this zone too.' Kyrem says straightly without hesitation.
'All the more reason for me to be here, the soldiers would need my presence, so that they know that their efforts will not be thrown away and that they will be remembered.' Princess Jiakyn states in honest tone.
'Do you really believe that you are ready to witness horrors of war?' Jakan asks calmly and interested to Princess' answer. For a moment she looked unsure and slightly insulted that Jakan was the one to ask the question, she looked at others present and even at me. She noticed that all of people here agree with Jakan's question.
'I do.' Princess Jiakyn says with slight hesitation.
'Bold answer, I know it is rude of me to question you, but, know this, I have already vowed that. It is either life, or death, that will carry on. I have seen those horrors myself, I have even fought and executed my own brother in arms. There are good reasons why the castle commanders and heroes of the riven war agreed with why I asked.' Jakan states, not entirely convinced but, willing to guide, guard, shelter, save and teach Princess Jiakyn, if the heroes of the riven war allow.
'How do you have such confidence in the words you have spoken? Ghaudunian.' Princess Jiakyn asks after glancing at all present here.
'As I am a Ghaudunian, I have good grasp of both active and passive effects of dark arcane on people. I have warred against undead before the war, I have seen the horrors, faced sorrowing defeats and lived through moments of triumph. Here, there is only death, life and struggle. One of the heroes of riven war, has met me before the war.' Jakan replies without hesitation and puts weight on his words.
'He was one of the groundskeepers of the Ghaudunian academy which I studied at. Draconian is a brave, stalwart and a dominant figure cast from metal and forged from war. Not many survived from the beginning, to the end of the war. When he speaks of facing undead, it is for your better that you listen.' Seirialia says with honesty.
'You have spoken well, draconian. Although, I have a feeling that my presence here is not exactly welcome.' Princess Jiakyn states to Jakan.
'Not only have we caused a diplomatic and political scandal, I do fear that the undead would make you a priority target to capture. These are not feral or dark arcane maddened undead we are facing, somebody is organizing this affair.' Jakan replies calmly and shows the maps. Princess asked for a confirmation from heroes of the riven war and castle commanders.
'Jakan speaks the truth, I personally witnessed his victory over a revenant champion. His sword is fine, as is his mind for war. Such a destructive figure of battle, are rare and continuing to survive. Surely one of the finest retainers of the shadowy ones.' Salgi states with respect.
'Not only is he strong but, also has knack for dueling. Tied with Lankensy before his victory in a mock duel. Ages like finest wine, princess. I know and understand your distrust towards the Ghaudunians but, in this matter. There are no nations.' Kyrem states with respect.
'What about you? You must be a junior agent.' Princess Jiakyn says heeding the words of to be her people, one day. She asks from me.
'I am indeed a junior agent, it is thanks to me that we know some specifics of who plausibly are behind this. Where my senior, is a cliff breaker, I am his eyes and ears, where he is not. I am new to the organization, but, our lords strongly believed that my skills would only benefit your nation's grand effort on solving this crisis, which is why I am here.' Speak out my purpose of being here to her.
Princess Jiakyn listened very carefully what I said. Closing her eyes to ponder, she nodded and opened her eyes again. That eye color has to be rare for people of Valerie, pink and yellow. Her physical stature, isn't ideal for war but, if she is at least one quarter of Seirialia's skill in arcane. She most certainly would make a difference.
'Alright. I will place my trust on both of you. I believe you are both here to help.' Princess Jiakyn says to me and Jakan. I feel mildly relieved, still, her presence here is double edged matter, I sense she is mildly overconfident but, worse is that she is untested. 'What are your plans for today?' Princess Jiakyn asks in her usual tone of, slightly confident and strong.
'We do need to escort the supply caravan to the town to the north and north west. Right now, we need mages that can heal wounds and work as secondary ranged units. Princess Jiakyn, may I request your presence at the town?' Lankensy asks, this would be both perfect opportunity to bolster morale of the citizens of the town but, also place a target on her back though... Lankensy looks into eyes of Jakan and I.
I think I understand his intentions, Jakan to act as part of the caravan guard and, maybe send me ahead to scout whether it is safe for the princess to enter... Smart man. Jakan ponders what Lankensy tried to indicate to him.
'From what I have heard, the town was in terrible danger previously, what has changed?' Princess Jiakyn asks mildly surprised of Lankensy's proposal.
Castle commanders brief Princess Jiakyn of the situation. Northern sectors of the castle to the town are pretty much back in control of Valerie. She smiles warmly of hearing these news. 'What about you heroes? What are you going to do while this is on going?' Princess Jiakyn asks.
'Kyrem, Tyrelia. Do you two think you can go with me to the town as escorts for the supply caravan?' Lankensy asks after thinking about the situation for a moment.
'This makes sense, we are going to need only good fighters just in case we get intercepted.' Kyrem says, Tyrelia nods in agreement.
'We are quite busy here already. The mages will provide a lot of help in healing these people, I need your assistance too, lady Seirialia.' Trenon says calmly.
'After seeing the slugging match yesterday, I agree with you, Trenon. The more we can help to recover sooner, the better.' Seirialia says, well, that's that for the plans of actually getting to know the heroes of the riven war better.
'What do you want us to do meanwhile then?' Jakan asks pondering how Lankensy is going to answer his question.
'I was planning on having you part of the security convoy and have Volarie check the town for anything suspicious.' Lankensy replies calmly.
'Hmm... Solid thinking. I wouldn't be able to avoid attention in a city. Are you okay with this plan? Princess Jiakyn.' Jakan says calmly.
Jiakyn thinks for a while. 'I do not have objections. When do we depart?' Princess Jiakyn asks somewhat excited to get started.
'It will take a while for the supplies required for the castle to be unloaded. No thoughts on what to do while it is on going...' Lankensy states thinking about the matter.
'How about getting to know each other then?' Princess Jiakyn proposes warmly and innocently. She has some ulterior motives that I can speculate but, no way I am voicing them here, I believe Jakan is thinking the same.
'Well, there isn't really anything else better to do.' Tyrelia says with content tone.
'All of the forces required for the convoy are being amassed as the time goes by anyway.' Kyrem says with a neutral tone, not being for or against the idea.
'A sound idea, I would like to get to know you better, Jakan. Warrior like you, along with the past you have had, must have quite tales to share.' Lankensy says, interested to talk with Jakan. I am guessing that he looks to learn, both history and combat from him.
Very easy to see from Jakan's expression that he is thinking about it. 'You have remained silent for the most of the talk, young agent. Is something bothering you?' Princess Jiakyn asks, warmly and calmly. I can see why people would feel warmly about her.
'At the moment, there aren't really any concerns. As the younger agent, I chose that, my senior agent handles most of the conversations with both of us present and back his words.' Reply to her calmly and partially choosing to elaborate the dynamic between me and Jakan.
'We do have the time since everything for today was already discussed yesterday. Princess, if I may be allowed to be direct with you. I would like to comment on your decision.' Jakan says calmly requesting an allowance to be open to her.
'You may say what is on your mind senior agent.' Princess Jiakyn replies calmly.
'I believe your heart is in the right place when you came here but, I fear for your safety of being here. As you already know, our most recent victory which has secured north east and north of the castle, has very likely escalated the conflict. I have strong suspicions that, once enemy agents in or outside of the castle find out of your presence here, you will be a high value target, which could swing this conflict into favor of our common enemy.' Jakan states humbly and professionally.
'I believe in my people to be wise to not choose such action, and that you agents. Will spare no effort in thwarting any action taken against me.' Princess Jiakyn replies confidently.
'It is just us two here, no more, no less. Princess, I believe I am stretching your willingness to hear those, once your opponents word's but, I plea that you will seek council of the heroes of the riven war when you are making decisions of where to apply yourself. Our combined presence most likely has already set the rumors running, which is my secondary concern.' Jakan says with consideration and caution.
'Your concerns are certainly reasonable, agent Jakan. Once the information of why you are here and involved with our war against the undead, such rumors should no longer be of concern. I will take your plea into consideration.' Princess Jiakyn says calmly, I quickly glance at Jakan, who is, not all that convinced but, fears overstepping his influence, so chooses to just nod deeply to Princess Jiakyn.
Castle commanders speak with Princess Jiakyn and after talking for a while. The private talk is over and we all go take our positions to be ready for the convoy's departure to the town. Lankensy and Jakan go to talk slightly further away from Princess Jiakyn, Kyrem and me.
She could be trying her luck on find out more about me than I am willing to share or about our organization. To my surprise, slightly to my own happiness. 'From what I have heard from my friends, your past was a rather ugly one, societally. I know some deeds of those whose name is Volarie.' Kyrem states to open the conversation.
'I remember reading about my name, how terrifying the weight of it is, certainly explained a lot of the treatment I received. What do you know?' Reply to him calmly, keeping my happiness hidden from him.
'A ghaudunian self learned rogue, who stole, murdered and misdirected Ghaudun in the past, to aid Valerie in all ways possible. This rogue was finally cornered by Ghaudunian guards and some army personnel, chose to take it's own life, than ever reveal anything to it's fellow countrymen. I read some about his exploits, what a scoundrel... Part of me wonders what part will you play.' Kyrem speaks what he knows, his face is masked by the whole head helmet he wears.
'Know that it will not be as anything grandeur as those who came before me, I intend on keeping the home I have. There won't be one like it.' Say with light seriousness.
'Your lords chose wisely to adopt you into their order, you must not have taken the news lightly.' Kyrem replies, referring to my blood, human and dragon in nature.
'It shocked me, part of me wanted to run, part of me wanted to very much not believe it... I had those rumors myself. When I was introduced my new part of my family, it changed me, in all ways, for the better.' Say with warmth. Princess Jiakyn looks confused but, I as expected, she realized quite quickly.
'You have blood of a dragon of Ghaudun?' Princess Jiakyn asks mildly shocked by the realization, even if it isn't all of it.
'Yes, it was a battle accident. We believe primary target was the one whose blood I share. I became a secondary target, just because of proximity. Investigation is still on, we do not have answers yet.' Reply to her calmly.
'I have read about the tales of those who have dragon blood, few even have written book or two. Variety of those tales is, as large as backgrounds and jobs they did before the discovery. You have blood of a shadow dragon?' Princess Jiakyn asks, tone telling that she is interested to hear more.
'I do. Never believed that something like this would happen to me, but, here I am. Ever since the day of meeting him, my life has become a lot better.' Reply in content tone.
'Volarie. I will be quite interested on reading what you have written of your life. Have you learned anything special from the mixing of the blood?' Princess Jiakyn asks excited to hear. Briefly, I smile cunningly to her and then vanish into a shadow before her and Kyrem's very eyes.
'Seirialia told me of your abilities, now, I most certainly believe her...' Kyrem says with slight shock and awe in his voice, as I just stand mixed into the shadows, there, but, not there.
'Learning from the artists and masters of dark arcane, most certainly must have helped. I have read about this ability but, never expected to witness it with my own eyes. Your life most certainly went through a great change...' Princess Jiakyn says with respect, awe and some admiration.
I appear from the embrace of the shadows and stand confidently. 'They most certainly taught me well, I feared the dark arcane, they taught me how to use it and imparted knowledge which helped me greatly to never again fear it. Now I dance with the light and dark as easily as I breathe.' Reply warmly and staying humble.
'You are still young, the best is, it is only upwards from here for you. Envious of you I am, I have only began to understand the other arcanes.' Princess Jiakyn says being open about her emotions to an extent.
'Know that it wasn't easy but, even my teachers admitted that they were somewhat surprised how I was responding to their teachings, even with the struggles here and there.' Reply to her calmly and remembering some of those times.
'It is the only arcane you are adept at?' Princess Jiakyn asks, somewhat doubtful of my words.
'It is, during the Riven War, many of the talents, both dragon and non-dragon were lost, one way or another. They said that, I have a knack for some specific areas of dark arcane, they would have been interested to see what potential I have with the other arcanes but, many of the shadow dragons agreed that having me here, along with Jakan, is the best combination.' Explain to Princess Jiakyn calmly, she isn't a child.
More towards late teens than young adult, state where her world view is growing far more comprehensive and more detailed than before. 'You grew up during the war. Didn't you?' Princess Jiakyn asks, most likely has deduced my age enough well to ask.
'Yes, it was bad, peace... Almost as bad. There are a lot of strong personal emotions, for now, I do not feel safe enough to tell you about them.' Reply carefully and making it clear that, it is a rather sore area.
Princess Jiakyn was about to ask but, Kyrem placed his left hand on Princess Jiakyn's right shoulder, prompting the younger to look at him, he shook his head in reply to the confused expression of the late teen. 'I believe it was commander Salgi who put it best. "War's monsters are not always fought at the front lines." Those are memories best shared in a far more less intense environment.' Kyrem states in straight tone.
Princess Jiakyn seems to struggle understand as her gaze fixates upon me. 'I do not understand.' Princess Jiakyn says to Kyrem when they seem to make eye contact.
'I am not the right person teach you about it. Believe in this though, she wouldn't mind change of subject.' Kyrem says calmly and let's go of Princess Jiakyn's shoulder. Interesting, royal family must trust Kyrem so strongly that they would allow that type of interaction. Princess Jiakyn looked quite surprised and slightly disappointed. I nodded to her, that Kyrem is correct.
She seems to relent, probably acknowledging that there are boundaries that needs to be respected. Thank you Kyrem, I do not think I am at all comfortable to speak about it to her. She thinks for a moment and looks at Jakan for a moment, who is talking with Lankensy. The two warrior's seem quite content with their discussion.
'How did you get to know him?' Princess Jiakyn asks as I look at Jakan for a moment with a small warm smile of happiness. I look at the princess and think about my response.
'First time I ever saw him, was when he doing melee training, felt quite intimidated and scared to talk to him or even be in his presence, so, I just left my melee training for later. Made enough sound for him to realize that somebody had entered the room but, left a lot sooner than what was normal to him.
The shadow dragons had found out about my avoidance of other members of the organization which were not dragon. They told me that, they learned from the war that, incoherent organization, that is not able to trust members within the organization is not a well functioning organization.
They said that, they will allow me to take my time to approach him. It was a lot sooner than later, they set up our proper introduction, relatively innocently. He is whole lot gentle than from outside he might seem to be. Now, we talk like we are life long friends. The draconian is most certainly is a veteran and fluent, of war and death, but, he can be a good mentor about life and peace.' Explain to Jiakyn who is listening very carefully, Kyrem is also listening.
'It sounds rather strange of you to word it how you did. What caused such a shift in him?' Princess Jiakyn asks intrigued.
'There is always change, that which we can observe, that which we can be, to put it quite bluntly, very ignorant off.' Answer to Princess Jiakyn, who looks at Kyrem, man nods deeply in agreement.

I had a wonderful childhood. I couldn't have asked for a better one. My parents, brother, family, ... so much love in my life.
As I got older, I started to become exposed to the harsh realities of life. The people closest to me and the ones I loved the most started to get sick and pass away. I lost my dog. Life wasnt the same. And later, was diagnosed with Crohns which had a massive impact on my life and self confidence. I felt like a lab rat.. so many tests, doctor visits, medicine, diets, needles, ... eventually extensive surgery.
Luckily, after years of torture, I made it out ok. I started to build back my confidence, and was optimistic about the future. Before I knew it, I met the love of my life. I felt so extremely lucky to have you in my life. It felt like a dream. I felt that after all that pain and loss, I had finally had something good happen to me.
As time we on, we became best friends. You confessed your love to me, said I was different than all the rest, and you saw a future with me. You expressed how special I was to you. I felt the same way.
We met eachothers families, who became so close with eachother. I truly loved your family, they felt like home. My family loved you so much... my parents loved you like a daughter, and I knew you loved them too. We had everyone's support and love. We were the golden couple. We grew and experiences so much together. Bought our first house, saw the world, new jobs, school, ... Everyone was so proud of us, and we were proud of eachother.
Somewhere along the way, you started seeking outside the relationship for attention. I knew you were very social, so at first, I was happy to see you making friends. I knew you had a difficult childhood and past, and didn't have many good friends, so I was very supportive and encouraged you to do things with your friends.
We were inseparable. Always going things together, planning trips, going on adventures. Everything was easy. We enjoyed eachothers company so much. We made eachother laugh, feel loved, and safe. We were so comfortable and open, goofy with eachother, and always so intimate.
We shared a lot of the same hobbies: plants/garden, camping, trails, video games, movies, travel, outdoors, relaxing at home, ... it didn't seem to matter what we were doing, we were happy together.
I loved making you smile and laugh. I loved seeing you happy doing what you loved, or eating a meal I'd prepare for you.
I always wanted you to have the best. Since you were in school, I provided for you. Food, toys, restaurants, trips, ... whatever you wanted. I wanted to give you the world. It felt so good to make you happy.
You would tease me and hint towards wanting to get engaged. After 3 years, it happened. We were so happy, and you were so excited and happy to share the big news. We started planning our wedding, moved into a bigger house, new jobs, everything felt good.
I never expected to love someone so much. This young woman brought so much love, happiness, and adventure into my life. She completed changed everything. Everything was so easy.. effortless.. felt right.
When we moved into your dream home, things became more stressful. The house needed a lot of work, as well as the property. Regardless, we were willing and eager to tackle projects together and were excited to make things our own.
As time went on, and school/work seemed to become more stressful for you, I was left finishing a lot of our projects and maintaining them by myself. I also stepped up and started trying to take on more of the chores and responsibilities so that you could focus on school/work and still have time to relax. I was happy to help give you some relief.
After a few months, your brother asked to be our roommate for a time. I was hesitant, but you encouraged me that it would be a good thing. He would pay and help around the house. At first, it was nice. However, as time we on, it became more and more stressful.
The stress of doing everything and having a roommate that didn't mesh well with us overwhelmed me. I knew it was temporary, so I endured it.
One day, you came home from your new job and expressed what a good day you had.. that you had the chance to work with a different doctor, and that he was very fun and nice. I was so happy to hear it, since I knew you hadn't been having good days and people had been difficult. I was glad you seemed to have a mentor.
You started to have more good days than bad, working with this person more and more. You started talking to me about them more, sharing things you learned and talked with him about. As time went on, I started to feel a bit jealous. You had been spending more time with this person than me... your shifts were long, and I hadn't been seeing you as much. You started even talking to our parents about this person.
I started to notice you texting him while we were at home together. I'd ask, and you'd happily share whatever it was you guys were talking about. One evening, you were texting this doctor late at night. I approached you about this, and expressed how it was making me feel. I felt that it had started to become too much, and wasn't appropriate. I didn't like the idea of this older married man communicating with my young fiance so much. I expressed that I was happy that you had a friend at work, but felt that it was becoming too personal and inappropriate. You tried to reassure me that you were just friends, and that he was old and married, you would never be attracted to him. I stood firm and expressed that I would like for you to only communicate while at work, or for work related matters. You agreed and assured me it was nothing.
As time went on, I noticed you would sometimes hide your phone, turn it away, flip it upside down, or turn it off as I walked by. At first, I thought it was just me being paranoid. But as time went on, it started to mess with my head... otherwise, everything was good, so I told myself it was nothing. You started to enjoy that type of work and decided to join his practice. I was happy you were able to make up your mind and find something you enjoyed. Time went on. At some point, you needed an invasive procedure done... and you requested that doctor complete it. I didn't love the idea, but you preferred to have someone do it that you trusted. After that, the doctor seemed to be a thing of the past.
As the wedding date approached, the excitement increased. We had everything planned out and we were so excited for our big day. I saw how happy you were throughout the whole process. I couldn't believe our big day was right around the corner.
Our wedding was like a dream. Everything came together so nicely. We had the best night of our lives. I loved seeing you so happy with our friends and family there to celebrate with us. We went on a wonderful honeymoon and I felt so loved and appreciated.
Once we returned home, our roommate left, and stress started to decrease dramatically in the house. I was so relieved. You finished school, graduated, and I threw you a big surprise party to celebrate. I had always put together parties for all your special occasions, and I knew you really appreciated that. After so many nights helping you study, it felt wonderful to see you walk across that stage and finally finish.
You shortly after moved to a different hospital, and seemed to really like your new job and everyone there. Life was so good...
The house and our list of responsibilities and all the maintenance was still a lot, but I felt we were quickly starting to knock things off our list.
One week, you started working a lot... I hardly saw you that week. We'd always text and check in, saying we loved eachother, missed eachother, and looked forward to seeing eachother. When the weekend finally arrived, you had mentioned your best friend invited you to join her for girl time. I realized you hadn't seen her much lately and encouraged it.
That weekend, my grandmother had been struggling. I felt alone in our big house and had wished you were there. We checked in on eachother while you were gone. I was expecting you to return one evening, so I had dinner prepared. I was hurt when you didn't arrive and decided to stay another night with your friend.
When I saw you the next morning, I was feeling pretty down. I was already sad about my grandmother, but also felt like an after thought that week. You were so happy to see me, which was nice. We had a nice evening, spent time together, .. you never stopped telling me you loved me.
The next day after work, I got home, and you seemed so cold and distant. You seemed bothered by something. I checked in, asked if you needed anything, then went about my day. It seemed like you wanted space. I checked in every few hours, and you were busy doing something on your laptop.
I prepared dinner and started watching TV. I encouraged you to take a break, eat, and relax some before bed. You joined me on the couch, but was quiet and explained that you had some work to finish.
As it got late, I went up to bed. You explained you'd be up a little longer while you finished your work. As the hours went by, I thought it was so odd that you weren't in bed yet. I knew you had to get up early... sleep was always such a priority. I got up to check on you and to get some water. You were still on your laptop.. I noticed you were looking at rooms to something. I encouraged you to get some sleep. You joined me, looking exhausted.
We cuddled, said we loved eachother, then fell asleep. The next morning, I finished getting ready for work while you slept. As I was getting ready to leave, I sae your laptop. I decided to check and see what you were looking at... another air bnb for a trip? I was curious. We shared the laptop, so I didn't feel like I was invading her privacy.
I opened the laptop and saw apartments. I was so confused. I checker her email.. apartments. I noticed she had Facebook messenger up with recent messages. I checked... my world turned upside down. Those seconds felt like eternity as my heart sounded and my stomach sank. I read a message to a friend saying she wanted a divorce, never loved me, felt like a stranger in her house, dreaded coming home to me, ... that she loved a doctor.. he's married, but his wife is a lesbian. That was easily the worst moment of my life. I panicked and didn't know what to do... I was in shock. After a few minutes, I decided to address this with you.
I quietly walked up the stairs, sat on the edge of the bed, and calmly woke you up. You were sleepy, asking why I woke up.. you still had about 30m before work. I apologized for waking you.. As I looked at you silently, I started to cry. I quietly said "I know...". "I saw the messages". She looked back at me in shock.. eyes wide in the dark. I asked if she had been having an affair. She said no.. then started to look at me as if I wad a stranger. It was a terrible feeling.
You got up to get ready for work, and said we'd talk later that evening. You left. I was standing in the driveway and felt sick. I wasn't sure if I could make it to work.. but being at the house was making me feel worse, so I left. I didn't eat anything that while day. While at work, I prepared myself for our talk.
When we both got home, you pulled up to the house and started to pack some things while I sat on the couch. When you finally joined me, you were quiet.. asked about my day, I asked about yours.. then more silence. I asked what you needed from me. You explained that you were feeling very anxious, and didn't want me to get upset. You said you were going to stay with a friend for a few days to clear your head and wanted to talk once we were both rested.
You left for almost a week while I stayed in our big empty house, taking care of our pets, and completely confused and dead inside. I hardly ate or slept. I desperately started reading and watching whatever information I could find to help explain what was happening and to prepare myself. I spent most of my time thinking, reflecting on our life. I started tonrealize how stressed I had been... and thought about all the things I should/could have done differently. I knew I treated her so well, but no one is perfect.
Looking back, I started to think about all the red flags. Love is blind. I truly loved, trusted, and cared for this person more than anyone in the world. I thought she felt the same way... I never imagined us seperating.
I started to think of that doctor she used to talk about.. and realized she probably never stopped talking to him. I started to realize that my wife had stopped opening up to me... was no longer emotional or vulnerable... her emotional? affair started to kill the emotional intimacy between us.
I was happy just to have her in my life and enjoyed just being with her... she never expressed or talked about being unhappy... if I had known, I feel certain that we could have fixed whatever was lacking. I would have met whichever needs werent being met.
Were you lonely while I was busy working hard for us? Was she bored? I would have happily planned more outings... whenever I suggested something, you expressed that you were tired or didn't show interest. I knew you enjoyed time alone, so I never felt bad doing my own thing. I figured you would tell me of you needed or felt something...
I was so confused... started to question what was real. When did this all start? Why? How? Terrible thoughts entered my mind... so many late shifts, staying the night at the hospital, leaving early to get the air bnbs ready, ...
I also realized that towards the end, you had suddenly started to listen to different music, got a nose piercing, tattoo, talked about signing up for a sport, working out, ... these were all things I knew you had wanted to do for awhile, but it was all so sudden.
Why didn't you ever communicate... I recall you expressing your concern with my stress, but nothing else. I felt that my stress was reasonable considering everything I was doing.. and knew it was temporary. I didn't ignore it though. I saw a therapist, and started making changes. Was it all too late?
When we finally spoke again, it was so nice to just see you. We sat and you were so friendly and sweet - it reassured me that everything was going to be ok. We made small talk and joked, which immediately lightened the mood. You suggested I spoke first. I expressed my feelings and how important the marriage was.. that I'd so anything to save it. I took responsibility for my side of things and expressed the changes I had made and would continue to make. When you started, you expressed that you would always cherish our time together, but we're set on divorce. That we both deserved to be truly happy. Shortly after, you left.
The days after, you started packing your things while I was at work. I was living in a big empty house, every day getting more and more empty. I was a complete mess living in hell. Her family started to reach out to me and shower me with support, apologies, and disbelief. No one could make sense of this.
After a week or so, I couldn't take it any more, so I moved to stay with my parents while we finished moving out. I attempted to stay cordile through all this. You seemed so unphased and happy... texting me and talking to me like we were still best friends.
You explained that you felt bad for saying you never loved me... that you did, but not in the way a wife should love their husband. That it could be years, but in the future, I could count on you.
As time went on, and the pain increased, I was more distant. You texted more and more. Finally, I suggested that we limit communication unless she was interested in working on our marriage.
As the days went by, you grew colder and irritated.. I started to feel like the bad guy. I know you started to feel the weight of your decisons, and starred to project onto me. Making me the bad guy made you feel better. I attempted to end things on a good note... being helpful throughout the move out process, but you were so cold. It hurt so much... 5 wonderful years tossed aside like it never mattered.
I havent talked to you in weeks... I miss my best friend, my love, your family, our pets, and the wonderful life we built. I'm left trying to pickup the pieces. I feel so lost, confused, broken, ...
The tremendous amount of support I've gotten from both sides has helped a lot. I'm seeing a therapist, reading a lot, eating more, working out, and focusing on my self. The days are getting better, but I still have days where I am a mess.
I havent been sleeping well... always tired. Waking up several times, terrible nightmares and thoughts of you being with another man... I still have believe you would be capable of all this.. of hurting me so much.
I have urges to reach out to you... wanting to fix this, that there must be a misunderstanding... there are so many things I'd like to say. I got complacent and comfortable during our time together. I stopped doing the little things as often as I used to... I never meant to hurt you, make you feel lonely, unloved, unappreciated, ... whatever it is you felt. It's difficult for me to accept that my sweet innocent wife was capable of this... surely there was a reason?? I was just so caught up in my list of things... I was working so hard for our future.
I feel like my wife was manipulated by this man... why does an older doctor (20 years older) have a lesbian wife? He doesn't love her like she seems to think... he is using her. I feel sorry for her... I know there is no future there.
I've done a lot of reading on Attachment Styles, Limerence, love addiction, and other things that come as a result of childhood trauma. I feel like a lot of this has to do with her trauma... but also her selfishness and emotional immaturity. There is nothing I can do. I just pray she figures things out on her own, finds longlasting happiness, and puts an end to this cycle.
I would love it if we were able to reconnect in the future... I still deeply love and care for her. I don't want our story to end... none of this feels right. My gut is screaming that this is all wrong. I just know we both need to work on ourselves for the time being.
One day I had it all, the next, it crashed down before my eyes. Meeting you was the best thing to happen to me... you leaving was the worst. You rushed out of my life so quickly... I wish things were different.

"Determining the Role of Social Reward Learning in Social Anhedonia in First-Episode Psychosis Using Motivational Interviewing as a Probe in a Perturbation-Based Neuroimaging Approach"
Principal Investigator: Junghee Lee, Ph.D.
What is this study about?
The primary purpose of this study is to explore a better way of measuring social anhedonia, the inability to feel pleasure related to social interaction, with tasks designed to measure how individuals respond to social rewards and to examine whether brief sessions of psychosocial training can change performance on those tasks.
Who can participate?
We are looking for those with first episode psychosis. You may be eligible for the study if you are between 18-35 years old, have no neurological problems, and have no history of problematic drug or alcohol use in the past 6 months. Participation in this research is voluntary.
Due to the study requiring in-person visits, you should be located near Birmingham, Alabama.
What will happen in the study?
Interview (up to 2 hours): Answer questions about your mental health and medical history and substance use history, etc.
Assessments (about 2 hours): Respond to objects that are presented on a computer screen, answer questions about your personality, and take tests that measure your mental abilities.
Skills Training (three 45-minute sessions): Discuss various obstacles with a member of the research team, as well as how to improve upon them.
MRI Scans (about 1.5 hours): Lie down still and perform a social information processing task in the MRI scanner before and after skills training sessions.
Total study participation may take place over multiple sessions.
Do participants receive compensation?
Participants will receive $25 for each hour participated. Total compensation could be up to $363.
For more information, please call the lab at 205-934-8203 or email us at [NLSB.UAB@gmail.com](mailto:NLSB.UAB@gmail.com) and please feel free to review our lab website https://www.nlofsb.org/

"Determining the Role of Social Reward Learning in Social Anhedonia in First-Episode Psychosis Using Motivational Interviewing as a Probe in a Perturbation-Based Neuroimaging Approach"
Principal Investigator: Junghee Lee, Ph.D.
What is this study about?
The primary purpose of this study is to explore a better way of measuring social anhedonia, the inability to feel pleasure related to social interaction, with tasks designed to measure how individuals respond to social rewards and to examine whether brief sessions of psychosocial training can change performance on those tasks.
Who can participate?
We are looking for those with first episode psychosis. You may be eligible for the study if you are between 18-35 years old, have no neurological problems, and have no history of problematic drug or alcohol use in the past 6 months. Participation in this research is voluntary.
Due to the study requiring in-person visits, you should be located near Birmingham, Alabama.
What will happen in the study?
Interview (up to 2 hours): Answer questions about your mental health and medical history and substance use history, etc.
Assessments (about 2 hours): Respond to objects that are presented on a computer screen, answer questions about your personality, and take tests that measure your mental abilities.
Skills Training (three 45-minute sessions): Discuss various obstacles with a member of the research team, as well as how to improve upon them.
MRI Scans (about 1.5 hours): Lie down still and perform a social information processing task in the MRI scanner before and after skills training sessions.
Total study participation may take place over multiple sessions.
Do participants receive compensation?
Participants will receive $25 for each hour participated. Total compensation could be up to $363.
For more information, please call the lab at 205-934-8203 or email us at [NLSB.UAB@gmail.com](mailto:NLSB.UAB@gmail.com) and please feel free to review our lab website https://www.nlofsb.org/

idk maybe i’ll get into how we met later on if y’all are interested in the story.
but background information; we met at an event/ party on the 31st of september 2023 and i tapped his shoulder because i was drunk and he looked hella cute. So after that we started talking and we later found out we were in the same school and yeah. He’s 18M and i’m 16F
so he cold at first and i hadn’t really liked him like that. I was just talking to him to he polite because you can’t just ask for someone’s number and ditch them like that. So he was cold but i could handle it because everyone deserves kindness. we talked and it was okay, until the first visit. The first visit was on a thursday and i hadn’t gone to school. And on the previous day he had told me he was not going so we decided to link up. So i went to his house and i thought we were going to chill since that’s what he said. ooo boy i got that wrong. after we had finally linked up, he was cold. Really cold but as i said, i could handle it. I was quiet while we walked to his house because we had a meeting place since i didn’t really know his house. okay great, i was quiet and he asked me what was on my mind and i responded with “i’m wondering is i made a mistake coming here” he said “you can turn if you want” (example of how he was😂)
great so we get to his house and it’s a cozy little house. He lived with his mom alone but she was at work since this was like at 9-10 am. so we got there and we sat in his living room and u was just cuddling my purse in my lap.😂he sat on another seat and out of thin air this man pulls out a vape and he’s just scanning me head to toe. so he questions me a bit and i swear it was like i was in an interview but okay. So he says can you give me a hug and i stand up yknow being polite, and i hug him. And then boom kissing. so he says let’s go to his bedroom and that day i was on my periods. again my dunbass thinks nothing of it and we go. i walk in and i’m mesmerized cs this guy is CLEAN. so aight we carry on and his hand goes inside my pants. and i was wearing tights under my pants yknow. So long story short i tell him i’m on my period and he says it’s okay.
And after that i was soul tied🙃✨. Great so after the second time we had met and done it, i think the second time was the day i fell for this dude. Because it was 2 days after our first meetup and he was much more lighter. He was happier before we had even done it. So yeah after that we he progressively got warmer but he was still cold don’t get me wrong. He hated phone calls but would make an exception if i begged yknow. cool, until he just changed. We started arguing a lot and before christmas 2023 (if y’all want i can get into detail in another story )we broke up… well went on a break but later the day before Christmas, his ex posted him. We weren’t really known, he didn’t want to be seen with me but i was head over heels in love so i said okay because i didn’t want to jeopardize what we had.
we went on a few on and offs until i just couldn’t do it because he had been physically cheating on me right in front of my eyes. so we just stopped talking and it really broke me. Till present day. This happened in February so all these months i’ve been thinking about him and how he was nice before. I still want him, all of him with his imperfections and coldness and smalll kindness. and the weird way of him expressing his feelings. i have accept him and love him the way he is but ig he isn’t looking for that. Should i go back ? even though i’m exhausted, i have hope he’ll become the guy i’ve known. Cold but has a soft little spot for me.
if yalll like this, i can do more details about the 9 times we’ve met up and done shit. (maybe he’s just tired of me hey)

"Determining the Role of Social Reward Learning in Social Anhedonia in First-Episode Psychosis Using Motivational Interviewing as a Probe in a Perturbation-Based Neuroimaging Approach"
Principal Investigator: Junghee Lee, Ph.D.
What is this study about?
The primary purpose of this study is to explore a better way of measuring social anhedonia, the inability to feel pleasure related to social interaction, with tasks designed to measure how individuals respond to social rewards and to examine whether brief sessions of psychosocial training can change performance on those tasks.
Who can participate?
We are looking for those with first episode psychosis. You may be eligible for the study if you are between 18-35 years old, have no neurological problems, and have no history of problematic drug or alcohol use in the past 6 months. Participation in this research is voluntary.
Due to the study requiring in-person visits, you should be located near Birmingham, Alabama.
What will happen in the study?
Interview (up to 2 hours): Answer questions about your mental health and medical history and substance use history, etc.
Assessments (about 2 hours): Respond to objects that are presented on a computer screen, answer questions about your personality, and take tests that measure your mental abilities.
Skills Training (three 45-minute sessions): Discuss various obstacles with a member of the research team, as well as how to improve upon them.
MRI Scans (about 1.5 hours): Lie down still and perform a social information processing task in the MRI scanner before and after skills training sessions.
Total study participation may take place over multiple sessions.
Do participants receive compensation?
Participants will receive $25 for each hour participated. Total compensation could be up to $363.
For more information, please call the lab at 205-934-8203 or email us at [NLSB.UAB@gmail.com](mailto:NLSB.UAB@gmail.com) and please feel free to review our lab website https://www.nlofsb.org/