Shaunie o neals short hair cut

Long story short, I paid a hair dresser who I thought I trusted to bleach and dye my hair. She did a wonderful job the first time, but the second time, she did damage. My hair had only been bleached twice prior, all 3 times being well over a year apart and most of the previously bleached hair had been cut off this go. We bleached it and dyed it bright pink, my regular. Immediately after bleaching, my hair started breaking. I had a lot of breakage and hair fall, for around a month. I babied it with no heat, hair treatments, silk bonnets, etc etc and eventually it got back to what seems like normal.
Skip forward to today, several months later - my entire head is this atrocious salmon color with these terrible blonde streaks (she tried to add different shades of pink that faded to blonde almost immediately) and I want to re-dye it so bad. It looks terrible.
But I am really nervous that it will put me back to the breakage and hair fall point I was at. I really dont want to have to cut my hair from the damage. But on the other hand, I'd have to rock this salmon color until new healthy hair grows out otherwise which would take well over a year, which I also really don't want to do.
All that to ask, would it be safe to use semi permanent dye over bleach damaged hair? (iroiro is what I use, i've used it religiously for years without issue) I feel like I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place.

NOTE: I posted this elsewhere yesterday when I was completely spiraling. I feel a a fraction of a bit better today. I'm leaving this in word-for-word. Even though I say at the end I don't know why I posted this, I guess I do want to hear about other people's experiences. Its felt better to get this out.
The last three years of my life have been pretty tough, but I really thought I had come through the other side. I (M39) decided to go back to school, as I was not very happy in my former field. It was an extremely tough thing to do, as I would be taking a pay cut for the foreseeable future. My ex-girlfriend and I had been together for almost three years at this point and owned a house together. She said she supported my decision and understood my time would become limited considerably while I was in my program. Well that was a fucking lie. Almost immediately she started complaining about me "not taking her out" like I used to, or not doing as many projects around the house. The program I was in was already anxiety-inducing enough. To cut a long story short (because this isn't event what this post is about), I came to see our relationship was transactional, developed severe anxiety, and started to suffer health-related problems like high blood pressure. By the skin of my teeth I passed my program, became licensed, but had lingering issues around everything that had gone down in that span of time.
Over the last six months I have put in a lot of work and truly felt very hopeful for my future. I saw a therapist, got on some medications, lost 20 lbs. and got into great shape. Starting this new field has been a challenge, but also rewarding in the way I was looking for. I met a girl at work which I was very hesitant about d/t setting and some lingering anxiety issues. There was common interest, and I really explained what I had gone through and where I felt like I was. We both agreed to take things VERY SLOW. Hiking, lunch, movies, very casual for the first month. We finally had our first "serious" date - a fancy late night dinner and tickets to a show. We had some wine at her house after, and after some light touching and kissing, we had the conversation of getting tested because we were very much both interested in pursuing more. She had an ex give her chlamydia and had an upcoming OB/GYN appointment and was planning and getting a full workup. I thought "Well I've only slept with two women in the past eight years and have had no issues," but knew I hadn't been tested since 2016, which had shown I was clean.
I got my results back last Friday. HSV II. I'm fucking stunned. I mean I couldn't fucking breath. Full blown panic attack. I have never had any issues with my penis at all. Never any pain urinating, nothing. All the anxiety that I had worked so hard to get rid of came back and crushed me over this last weekend. It was all I could do to to get through my 12-hour shifts. I immediately hit up both of my ex's to figure out who the hell had given me this, as there was no other way. Last ex proceeds to tell me she had been tested about six months ago when she started dating her new boyfriend. I confirm she's clean for HSV II. She proceeds to berate me for being an idiot and a near 40 year-old with a disease now. I'll admit I'm not very proud of this, but she assumed I had caught something after her and I did not tell her that that left only the possibility of my relationship before her passing this to me.
So on to the title and why I'm so devastated. I'm really racking my brain on how I could have this but never see anything wrong with my penis. Then I read something that was my 'getting struck by lightening' moment. It was a post that is very similar to mine. Guy gets tested, guy gets HSV II diagnosis, perplexed at no previous penis symptoms. But he does get pretty bad cold sores from time-to-time. His Dr informs him that it's very possibly to get HSV II on your face. Now I never thought I had a cold sore before, but I remember back in 2017 getting an infected hair follicle in the hair right below my bottom lip after shaving. I went to the Dr, he looks at it and says "Yup, looks like an infection," give me antibiotics, but it doesn't go away for about two weeks. About two years after that, same thing happens: I shave, my follicle gets infected, I get more antibiotics from the Dr, and though it's not anywhere near as bad as the first time it still takes about two weeks to heal. Then almost exactly a year ago the same thing pops about, but this time I haven't shaved. Call my Dr, gives me antibiotics without even looking at it. I start looking at HSV II outbreaks in the same area as I was getting my infected follicle. I find a few pictures that look dead-on from what mine looks like. I at least though "Well, it's on my penis, condoms exist," but I'm not exaggerating in the least when I tell you after my realization I felt like the hopeless protagonist at the end of an HP Lovecraft novel where he realizes there is indeed a fate worse than death.
I'm finally able to get ahold of my ex from back in 2016. She confirms to me that she indeed has HSV II, but didn't think to tell me because we hadn't spoken in years. "I figured if you didn't reach out then we were good." This confirms she cheated on me because we were tested together. I don't even care about that now. Now my focus shifts to the girl I'm currently dating. She knows something is up. So I just started at where we work and on the other hand she's been there for six years. She is like family to most people on the floor. I'm the annoying new guy who barely knows anyone. She has her OB/GYN appointment today and I realize I need to tell her that not only do I have HSV II, that it's on my face and there is possibility she might have it on hers' too. She is very calm about it but I can tell in her voice that she is shook. I hope to beyond all fucking hope that her test comes back all clear. I'm also legitimately contemplating put in my resignation at work, a job I just fucking started. There's no way this doesn't get out at work and I don't become ostracized. I don't know how I'm going to approach this in the future, I don't see any romance in my life anymore. And this is so fucking selfish, but if I gave this to her I am legitimately scared on how this will make ME feel. I'm scarred that that guilt will cripple me and I'll be doomed to live in constant anxiety. I don't feel any better writing this all out, in fact I feel worse. I have no idea why the fuck I'm posting this.

I have naturally really curly hair a combination of 3 a,b and c I’ve straightened my hair or gotten perms to straighten my hair permanently (my roots would always been too curly so I’d still have to straighten my hair after those treatments) since I can remember My mom didn’t know how to deal with my hair or didn’t want to and has always told me I look pretty w straight hair as opposed to my natural hair A few years ago I decided I was done straightening my hair cuz it was a lot of work In middle school I’d always cry while straightening my hair cuz I just wanted to be like those girls who come out of the shower and barley do anything and have amazing hair It didn’t help that both my younger sisters have really nice curly/wavy hair that’s so much easier to maintain and style I’ve yet to find a way to style my hair in a way I like and feel comfortable with so I usually have it tied back And it grew out a good amount over the years and my hair was healthier than it’s ever been But then the Christmas before last we went to Sweden to see family and my mom convinced me to dye my hair so I had a lot of highlights done and it damaged my hair a lot So when I got back from Sweden I dyed it back to dark brown and let it grow My ends were completely damaged so at some point I decided I wanted to choose health over length and started cutting all the split ends And the more I cut the more I got annoyed cuz it seemed like the split ends r never ending and appear right away It got to the point where my hair went from being pretty long to now shoulder length and the worst part is I still have split ends Like I keep getting them I’m just unsure of what I’m doing wrong I try to take care of my hair I do weekly oil routines and leave it overnight or throughout the day if I’m free and then wash it I also use hair masks once a week and I haven’t used heat in over a year My hair is so short now and I still can’t style it and hate how it looks and I still have split ends and I just want soft healthy ends Please if you have any advice or anything cuz I’m desperate

I have naturally really curly hair a combination of 3 a,b and c I’ve straightened my hair or gotten perms to straighten my hair permanently (my roots would always been too curly so I’d still have to straighten my hair after those treatments) since I can remember My mom didn’t know how to deal with my hair or didn’t want to and has always told me I look pretty w straight hair as opposed to my natural hair A few years ago I decided I was done straightening my hair cuz it was a lot of work In middle school I’d always cry while straightening my hair cuz I just wanted to be like those girls who come out of the shower and barley do anything and have amazing hair It didn’t help that both my younger sisters have really nice curly/wavy hair that’s so much easier to maintain and style I’ve yet to find a way to style my hair in a way I like and feel comfortable with so I usually have it tied back And it grew out a good amount over the years and my hair was healthier than it’s ever been But then the Christmas before last we went to Sweden to see family and my mom convinced me to dye my hair so I had a lot of highlights done and it damaged my hair a lot So when I got back from Sweden I dyed it back to dark brown and let it grow My ends were completely damaged so at some point I decided I wanted to choose health over length and started cutting all the split ends And the more I cut the more I got annoyed cuz it seemed like the split ends r never ending and appear right away It got to the point where my hair went from being pretty long to now shoulder length and the worst part is I still have split ends Like I keep getting them I’m just unsure of what I’m doing wrong I try to take care of my hair I do weekly oil routines and leave it overnight or throughout the day if I’m free and then wash it I also use hair masks once a week and I haven’t used heat on it in over a year My hair is so short now and I still can’t style it and hate how it looks and I still have split ends and I just want soft healthy ends Please if you have any advice or anything cuz I’m desperate

I have naturally really curly hair a combination of 3 a,b and c I’ve straightened my hair or gotten perms to straighten my hair permanently (my roots would always been too curly so I’d still have to straighten my hair after those treatments) since I can remember My mom didn’t know how to deal with my hair or didn’t want to and has always told me I look pretty w straight hair as opposed to my natural hair A few years ago I decided I was done straightening my hair cuz it was a lot of work In middle school I’d always cry while straightening my hair cuz I just wanted to be like those girls who come out of the shower and barley do anything and have amazing hair It didn’t help that both my younger sisters have really nice curly/wavy hair that’s so much easier to maintain and style I’ve yet to find a way to style my hair in a way I like and feel comfortable with so I usually have it tied back And it grew out a good amount over the years and my hair was healthier than it’s ever been But then the Christmas before last we went to Sweden to see family and my mom convinced me to dye my hair so I had a lot of highlights done and it damaged my hair a lot So when I got back from Sweden I dyed it back to dark brown and let it grow My ends were completely damaged so at some point I decided I wanted to choose health over length and started cutting all the split ends And the more I cut the more I got annoyed cuz it seemed like the split ends r never ending and appear right away It got to the point where my hair went from being pretty long to now shoulder length and the worst part is I still have split ends Like I keep getting them I’m just unsure of what I’m doing wrong I try to take care of my hair I do weekly oil routines and leave it overnight or throughout the day if I’m free and then wash it I also use hair masks once a week and I haven’t used heat on it in over a year My hair is so short now and I still can’t style it and hate how it looks and I still have split ends and I just want soft healthy ends Please if you have any advice or anything cuz I’m desperate

Connor made his way up the mountain path, his escort ordered to stay at the base of the mountain until he returned. Connor had been here before with his father many times, as did his father and his father before him, this trail was made with generations of his family’s sandal prints, and he was accending it once more, to speak to the man at the top.
When Connor reached the top, he saw a cabin, simple and humble, with a chimney smoking at the top. Looks like he’s home, Connor thought, and knocked on the door. The door opened to see a man who appeared to be in his mid twenties, with dirty blond hair cut short and green eyes, a bit of stubble growing on his face. This man looked the same as he had when Connor first met him as a boy, and according to his father he has never changed in appearance through the generations of Guilliman’s who have known him.
“Ahh, Connor! Welcome my friend! Come in, come in…” The man says, waving his hand to come in. “It’s only been a few years since you’ve last visited, you already have military problems?” The man asked, a bit of teasing in his voice.
“No Honored Centurion, not at the moment at least…” Connor said, dipping his head out of respect for the man who had aided his family in military matters for generations. “I have come-“
“Please Connor, there is no need for formalities, we are but two men up here, there is nothing dictating manners or protocol.” The Centurion said, siting at the table in the center of the cabin casually.
“I understand, but it’s a matter of respect for me Centurion.” Connor said, and the Centurion simply shrugged. “But like I was saying, I have come for a favor…”
The Centurion could sense the seriousness that Connor was saying these words, and straightened up in his seat to listen more intently. “Go on…”
“… I have made many enemies you see,” Connor says, “I know there are many who already plan my downfall, and I worry I won’t be long for this world soon…”
The Centurion’s face grows with concern. “If that is the case, we can start taking steps to make sure you’re-“
“With all due respect, Centurion…” Connor interrupts, “I am not the one who needs protecting.” Connor takes a breath before continuing, “… I have a daughter,” the Centurion’s eyes widen with surprise, “we found her in some sort of pod, and I’ve taken care of her as my own. She is… special, more than any of us I wager. She has grown faster than normal and she towers over every other person. She is also smart, so very smart… I am proud to call her my daughter…” Connor says with a smile radiating with pride.
“I see. She sounds like quite the lady.” The Centurion says, though there’s a slight edge in his voice, almost cautious, but it’s only there for a moment, it was probably nothing. “So, I’m guessing this daughter of yours is the one you want me to protect?” The Centurion ask.
“Not so much protect, she is plenty capable herself, but she is still young, and I would appreciate it if you were by her side to help her.” Connor says, and looks out the window for a moment. “… She will be the one to realize everything I ever envisioned, and spread it out to other worlds, my Ultra Astra…” Connor looks at the Centurion once again. “Please… Will you do this for me? Will you look after my Juno?”
The Centurion is silent for a moment, as he ponders what Connor is asking. He had secluded himself upon this mountain in order to get some peace, serving as a military advisor when the Guilliman’s needed him as thanks for helping him remain secret…. But the truth is, he had eventually began to hope and look forward to their visits, and found himself itching to be more than a advisor. Despite his want for some peace, it seems that’s just not something he can do for very long. “…. Very well. I will look after your daughter, and assist her in any way I can.” He says, “But do me a favor, and introduce me as the son of an old friend, I think it would be best as to not overwhelm her with my true nature.”
Connor smiles gratefully at the Centurion. “Thank you, Honored Centurion.”

pls don't click out yet but I swear there is good evidence to support this. and you will see how ironic this it.
this theory is written when re zero web novel Arc 8 chapter 73 come out
So, as we know, Todd is "Dead" to Subaru and some other person eyes. But due to Sacrament of the immortal king. those who die near the spell can be revive. So, it's safe to say that Todd could be revive too. but this is not the crazy part.
for this theory to work. let's assume that Todd had been revived and planning on retrieving Katya and also take down Subaru. So, he ran away from the Volachia kingdom and do some planning.
and sometime very later. Todd have come for Katya,
they thought just killing Todd would be enough Since the spell does not work normally anymore but Todd come prepare, he somehow manages to still be revived after dead.
then Subaru need to use the old way he did in arc 8. that's mean Spica need to use star eclipse on him. so, she teleports and touch him, and Subaru call his name.
...
nothing happens. and then Subaru realize that Todd fang is not his real name. and then...
Todd: Yang sword
Todd pulls out yang sword from the air and then he cut spica with yang sword.
ok don't click out yet.
the core of this theory is "Todd is one of the Volachia royalty"
First of all, why do I think that the case? because of his hair color is the same as priscilla? that's some part of it.
But the main evidence is how many times Tappei made him to be associate with fire.

1. he burn the budheim jungle down.
   
2. he burn the bar down.
   
3. he burn the entire gladiator island (I don't really remember he or arakiya burn it, but I remember there are fire everywhere)
   
4. the area is burning when he fought against otto,medium,petra,al
   
5. the area is burning when he fought against subaru
   

anywhere he goes, there always bound to be fire.
not to mention that he is together with arakiya for a specific time. the girl who has deep bond with volachia royalty such as priscilla. what is it call? a parallel, I guess.
So, the theory is Todd is Some Volachia royalty child that's one of his ancestors is secretly in love with werewolf, manage to run away together with the werewolf and start having children and Todd is the latest of this secret Volachia family line.
his existence would be very ironic because he is royalty and also the werewolf that the kingdom hate.
and if this the case, he will has another name chapter which is his real name that the content will just not be short Wikipedia description.
phew. that's a lot.
what do you guys think?

what should I do with my hair? not hoping to cut it short. not hoping to look too feminine either.

So I'm currently a early teenager and have butt length hair. I tbh am gonna grow more cause I am obsessed with long hair and prefer it that way. So recently one of my relative told my mom that I shouldn't grow my hair this long at this young age and that it will cause hairfall or hairless. So basically to cut it short for now and grow it later on so it doesn't cause haorloss. A few months back a grandmother of my friend also told me this. I don't believe it and think that it all leads down to how we take care of our hair. So I wanna know if there's any truth to this, cause even though butt length hair is the most common hair length in my areas,and mostly so many girl my age, younger than me and older has the same length hair. So if anyone knows if there's something to this or have any opinion on this please comment below because I'm really insecure about my hair for a few months and there should be a stop for it.

You don't get rich over a a night we know this all of us are scared of losing money I get it but if we all held and stopped trying to cut losses and wait we can make a lot more money we have to look at the short long term ahead of us if you really want it we can take it not a lot o if community's can great such a following so fast we just need to hold put and have hope and stop looking at your damn phone all the time enjoy life

Especially when they have the classic 2016 hair cut with some cargo shorts and a flannel. No hate just an observation

Hello!! I have long hair but unfortunately loosing my hair after 4 months post op. I am wondering by cutting my hair short if it will decrease my hair loss? Yes, I do take biotin, and 60-80grams of protein and lots of water.

I’m 20, and I want to change who I am. I have done a lot of introspection and I want to feel confident, happy, less arrogant and more importantly to heal and let things go a littleI think that to do this, I have to let go of the past and the pain it caused me, but I frankly don’t know how to do so.
I’d say that 3 things affected me in a major way : - I’ve been raped by my cousin from age 5 to 8. It crushed my soul and I don’t know if I’ve been able to feel like myself ever since. It has destroyed a lot of things in my life and has damaged my trust abilities a lot, but it is something I am willing to work on, I just… don’t know where to begin. - My father was abusive towards me, my mom and little brother. He was violent with me and my brother, used to tell us very humiliating and harsh things. Not having a paternal figure has been hard, and feeling hates by your own father feels horrible. It surely damaged my self esteem, increased my anxiety. I developed OCD at an early age because of it, it’s really hard. - Last, but not least and I only realized it recently, my mom has also hurt me. A lot. Maybe even more than my father, because even if he said terrible things, I knew he didn’t cared and didn’t love me. But my mom; it’s not that she doesn’t care. She loves me and always ment the best, but sometimes there are those moments where she snaps and I’m scared.
She is very religious, and me being a girl, I was supposed to fit a certain role : long hair, pretty dresses, quiet and organized. Everything child me wasn’t. I was messy, loud, I loved football and dinosaurs. She never really hid her disappointment, telling things like « I didn’t gave birth to a son ». She cut my hair short because I refused to let her style them ( I wanted long hair like rapounzel ). Weirdly, despite her wanting me to be the cliche of a girl, there was one thing she never tolerated : crying, and every strong emotion in general. When I was sad or upset and showing it, she would fly into one of those rages and lock me up in my room until I stopped. Once, my father throw the remote tv in my face me because I was too loud. It didn’t really hurt tbh, but I was shocked. So shocked that I froze during like 10 seconds before actually being able to cry, and my mom gave me the most terrifying look, a mix of disgust, anger and mockery, and she said « you’re not gonna cry, I saw what he did, it didn’t even hurt that bad. Quit pretending or I’ll give you a reason to cry ». I was 5, that was 15 years ago, but I still feel the pain and isolation I felt that day.
One of her favorite thing to do was also stopping to « be my mom ». She would just ignore me all day, and if she talked to me she called me by a different name as if I was a stranger, saying things like « why would I cook for you, you’re not my daughter ». To be clear here, she never refused me food nor water. But those words, ngl, they still hurt like a motherfucker.
I could keep going on and on. She laughed at me when she found a letter where I detailed how I would off myself, because I was supposedly attention seeking. She yelled at me until I broke down because she wanted me to tell her if I had a boyfriend (which I hid to her because he isn’t a catholic and she said that I would loose my soul if I ever dated a non religious guy). She stole private letters that were destined to vent and made them read to my dad, only making things worst, and when I asked her why she didn’t support me, she said she was scared. I was too, but I was here for her when she told me about her marital problems and her sex life when I was 10 . She called me a liar each time I confessed feeling down. And now she feigns surprise when she realizes she doesn’t know anything about anymore. I just can’t trust her anymore, because I know showing my weaknesses will simply let her where to strike the next time she snaps.
And I want to make this clear, but my mom isn’t a horrible person at all, she sacrificed everything for us and most of the time she is sweet and gentle. She even let me stay home even if I don’t work (because I have disabilities) and she accepted my boyfriend once she knew. She suffered so much because of my father, and has some problems of her own. And the fact that she only does it with me, and not with my little brother and sister shows that she has learned it wasn’t a way to treat you kids, and I’m happy they only got to know her loving and amazing side.
Which makes me feel even more guilt, and that’s why I want to forgive her. Problem is, whenever I talk with her about all of this, she straight up denies it ever happened, or say it’s in the past I shouldn’t hold grudges. And I mean, it’s fine if she doesn’t apologizes, but at least please acknowledge that what happened to me was real and that I’m not a liar ? I feel like I’m crazy and that everything I live was simply in my head, but I know it’s real. I’m having nightmares about it several times a week, panick attacks, night terrors.
I want to forgive those people, but at these point I feel like I’m dying inside. It feels impossible, and I feel even more guilt and shame about myself. Despite trying harder and harder, I have very dark thoughts crossing my mind because I feel trapped with my mother, with my faith - or rather her view of how I should practice my faith - and ultimately I feel like I don’t matter.
So how do I forgive those people, how do I let go of the past and begin to heal ?
Thank you for taking some of your time to read about me and my life, and even more thank you of gave me of your time to answer. Sorry about mistakes, I know there must be some but English isn’t my first language. Take care of you 💕

​

Disclaimer: I have switched back to the main subreddit, so aside from three, maybe four of you, you’re probably missing out on some context. If you’d like to be all caught up, you can comb through the previous episodes on my profile.
Votes:
Emma - 2
Katie - 1
Props to u/Proofracer for coming up with plot points
At the campfire ceremony, Chris attempts to build suspense by reminding the campers about the safety of a marshmallow, but Heather insists he get on with it, so the moment is cut short. Chris calls on Shawn, Zoey and Max before tossing them all a marshmallow. He then gives Owen and Heather one each, leaving Emma and Katie. Both Emma and Heather shoot angry looks at Katie, making her feel a tad worried, but Chris gives her the last marshmallow and deems Emma eliminated, causing her to have an outburst at Heather.
Emma: I knew I couldn’t trust you! You’re a backstabbing snake!
Heather: Please, as if I’d betray you this early. If I had any say, you’d still be here for a few more weeks.
Emma: Then, how?
Katie: It’s not just me who’d been fed up with how mean you’ve become. We don’t want a second Heather on this team. No offense.
Heather: Offense taken.
As Emma walks the dock of shame and the rest of the Screaming Gophers disperse, Chris turns to the camera to say his outro.
Chris: Will Max finally do something actually evil? How much longer can Heather keep her alliance afloat? And what will Damien do once he finds out about Bunny’s replacement? Find out next time, on Total Drama Island!
In-world votes:
Emma - Katie, Owen, Max, Shawn
Katie - Heather, Zoey, Emma
Basic Straining
The episode opens with Duncan using his knife to carve a skull into the wall of the Bass cabin when Axel exits the cabin. She scoffs at him, but before she can leave, Duncan attempts to apologize for how he’s treated her in the past. Axel stops to think for a second, but she sees through Duncan’s lie and leaves anyway.
Confessional:
Duncan: Of course I didn’t mean what I said to Axel, but Trent and Sammy are too loyal to one another, and Damien’s essentially attached himself to Dawn. Sadly this means that Axel is the only person I have a chance to ally with, so I need to get back on her good side.
Meanwhile at the Gophers cabin, Katie is sitting dejectedly on the front steps when Owen comes over to cheer her up.
Owen: Are you still bummed out about poisoning me? It’s okay, I know it was an accident.
Katie: That’s only half the problem. Emma got so mad at me for it, and now apparently I brought a cursed item to the team.
Owen: You mean your tiki souvenir? Are you sure it’s cursed?
Katie: Apparently it’s from Boney Island, so I’d say it’s pretty cursed.
Owen: Well, you don’t have to get rid of it, if that’s what you’re worried about. It may be cursed, but it’s still yours. I say you should keep it to remember this show by.
Katie: Thanks Big-O.
Owen: You know what? Let's prove Emma wrong. If you try your best this time, I’m sure you’d do way better at the challenge than you think!
Just then, the loudspeakers turn on, but instead of Chris, it’s Chef Hatchet who orders the campers to meet him at the docks for their next challenge. At the docks, Chef is dressed in a military uniform and starts barking orders at the campers about fixing their forms, with the one exception being Axel, whose form he deems “surprisingly average”. Chef then goes over today’s challenge. The teams will go through Chef’s grueling boot camp and drop out one by one until the last person remaining wins immunity for their team. Heather asks Chef what happened to Chris, but he ignores it and starts going over further rules, like how everyone will have to address him as Master Chief, and that no one eats or sleeps unless he says so.
Confessional:
Axel: I was never trained in the military, but I’m adept in most fields of work Master Chief could go over, so this will be a breeze.
For the first part of the boot camp, each team must carry a canoe, and will continue to do so until someone drops out and rings a bell on the dock. Owen and Trent each make a remark about how easy the challenge sounds, but by noon, everyone is starting to feel the heat.
Chris and Chef are sitting on top of the canoes while taunting the campers about missing lunch. This causes Owen to think about quitting, but Max catches on and tells him not to.
The Bass are still holding up strong, so Duncan tries to talk to Axel again. He says that he knows she hates him, but they’re both stuck between the two couples and need each other. This causes Axel to angrily reply that she’d take her chances with the others over him, leaving Duncan beginning to get annoyed. However, Trent overhears the conversation and begins to look worried.
As night rolls through, the campers are all tired, especially Owen, who has fallen asleep with his arms still holding onto the canoe. Chef is recalling a story from his military days, and Heather asks him what war he was in, causing him to shout at her. Heather then turns to Shawn and tries to strike up a conversation with him.
Heather: Hey Zombie Boy, how do you feel about joining my alliance?
Shawn: Wait what? You’re kidding, right?
Heather: You and Emma were friends, yes?
Shawn: Sure, but that doesn’t mean I trust you. What happened to getting payback on me for locking you in the freezer?
Heather: You could trust me if you were in my alliance. With Emma gone, I’m missing a member of the alliance, and if you join, you won’t be in as bad a spot as you are now.
Shawn: Oh, and what is that supposed to mean?
Heather: Think about it. I didn’t vote Emma off, she got herself eliminated. If the team knew you worked with her, maybe they’d vote you out too. Especially since you’re such a big threat without any allies. With me, I could protect you, plus I won’t plot against you anymore.
Shawn: You were plotting against me?
Heather: That’s besides the point. Just think about it.
Later, Chef has finished bragging about his line of duty just in time for Max to decide he isn’t going to stand in one spot anymore. Much to his teammate’s dismay, he walks down the dock and rings the bell, thus allowing the contestants to drop their canoes. Chef insults Max through his megaphone before ordering everyone else to go to the mess hall to eat dinner, getting Owen excited.
In the cafeteria, Chef announces that everyone will get only ten minutes to eat before he starts night training, which gains him a lot of complaints. Damien asks him where the food is, and Chef gestures to a row of trash cans filled with leftover garbage from breakfast, which only causes more complaining. Owen, however, doesn’t discriminate against the disgusting food and eats some anyway. Chris then invites Chef to eat at the craft services tent, leaving the teams to themselves.
Trent meets with Sammy and tells her about what he heard between Duncan and Axel. He says that Duncan has a point and that since nobody really likes Duncan, Axel would be the deciding vote between them and Dawn and Damien. Hearing this, Sammy comes up with an idea, and suggests winning Axel over ahead of time so that she’s with them. Trent likes the idea, so Sammy goes over to talk with Axel. They have a friendly conversation, and Sammy offers Axel the least disgusting food she can find in the trash, to which Axel declines. Sammy then returns to Trent to talk about other ways to win Axel over.
Damien was watching Sammy’s conversation with Axel, and realises what she and Trent were trying to do, so he walks over to Dawn to talk with her.
Damien: I hate to say this, but we’re going to have to start getting extra votes against Trent and Sammy
Dawn: But why? Wouldn’t we just vote Duncan?
Damien: No, that’s not- I mean, after Duncan’s gone, all that’s left of the Killer Bass is us, them, and Axel. And I think they know that too, because they’re trying to bond with her.
Dawn: Yes, Axel is stuck in between the four of us. I’m not very worried though. I’m good friends with her.
Damien: I know, but we should start getting closer so that if need be, Axel will vote with us instead of them.
Damien then digs through the trash and finds a carrot that is half eaten, but otherwise clean. He decides to save it for Bunny, before noticing that Dawn looks unsure of something. He asks her what’s wrong and she brushes it off as having missed Bunny while it was gone. Damien is happy with this answer and tells Dawn that he knew she and Bunny would get along well, but this only makes her feel worse.
Confessional:
Dawn: Bunny left Damien, but I still don’t know why Duncan found a replacement. Duncan is not to be trusted, but I don’t know how to break the news to Damien that Bunny’s really gone.
We then cut to the next part of the boot camp, which is to repeat Chef’s suspiciously Triller-esque dance routine. The dancing goes on for a while until it’s interrupted when Duncan shuts off the music. Chef angrily asks him what he’s doing so Duncan reminds him about how once someone drops out the training ends. Chef says that they’ll be done when he says they’re done, before forcing Duncan to do push-ups.
Next up, write a three hundred word essay about how much you love Chef, being eliminated if you fall asleep or fail to reach the minimum word count. Owen and Katie are discussing ways to pad out their essays while cracking jokes to make each other laugh. Seeing the two of them bonding, Shawn turns back to his own essay looking a little less confident.
Duncan takes a break from doing the challenge to try and persuade Axel to join him again. She snaps at him and tells him to get lost, but Duncan mentions Shawn, which gets her attention.
Duncan: Let’s face it, everybody knows you like Shawn.
Axel: So? If you want to mock me about it, expect a fight!
Duncan: No, I’m saying that you two are pathetic. Neither one of you ever makes a move! Watching you two is like watching a car crash in slow motion.
Axel: (Sarcastically) Thanks for the advice, Dr. Love.
Duncan: You need a wingman, badly. So it’s going to be me.
Axel: Why would I ever listen to you?
Duncan: Because if you and Shawn are ever going to be a thing, you need me.
Axel: Fine. But if you pull anything you’ll leave this island in a cast.
Duncan gets Axel to close the deal with a handshake before returning back to working on the challenge. Later, Chef returns to pick up the essays, and eliminates both Trent and Zoey for falling asleep. As for everyone else, their essays meet the requirement, although Duncan’s is just one sentence with 289 verys in between. On his way out of the cafeteria, Chef slips in a puddle of Owen’s drool from him being half asleep, and Duncan offers to clean him off. This causes Chef to yell at him again, and the rest of the Bass stop Duncan from saying anything more, lest he get them all in trouble.
The next evening, the training continues, as Chef forces the campers to run an obstacle course until everyone can do it in less than a minute. As they climb a wooden wall, Axel asks Duncan for advice and he tells her she should get Shawn’s attention by showing off her survival skills in the course. Axel takes the advice and waits for Shawn to reach the top of the wall before jumping off and doing acrobatic tricks in midair. This catches Shawn’s eye, who shows off some tricks of his own in return.
The obstacle course causes trouble for some of the other campers, as Owen gets stuck while jumping through a tire, getting him eliminated. On top of that, Damien falls flat on his face when climbing the wall. He pukes up some mud, and is coughing and sputtering, so Chef eliminates him too and sends him to the infirmary.
After going through a montage of campers falling into the mud or otherwise failing, we see Katie struggle to clear a rope swing. She remembers what Owen told her and tries it again, only to clear it easily. She cheers for herself before continuing to run the course.
While crawling through the mud, Sammy reaches a deep spot and starts sinking. Duncan passes while mocking her, only to come across an angry Chef. He gives Duncan more pushups, but Duncan just thanks Chef before kissing him on the nose. This sends Chef off the edge and he announces that Duncan will spend the rest of the night in solitary confinement in the boathouse. This causes everyone to gasp, but Duncan asks how bad it could be, before we cut to him sitting in the boathouse regretting that comment.
In the cafeteria, the contestants remaining in the boot camp are being fed rock hard gruel. Dawn sits down next to Axel, intending to win her over, but Axel is the one to talk first. She explains to Dawn how Duncan is working as a wingman for her and Shawn, and while Dawn is happy for Axel, she reminds her about how Duncan is untrustworthy. She talks about how he replaced Bunny when it left Damien, and that she thinks he has a secret agenda behind everything. Axel agrees with Dawn but leaves to get more advice from Duncan anyway.
Heather finds the gruel Chef has served her to be well past unappetizing, and chooses to instead try to persuade Shawn again. She points out how close Owen, Katie and Max have become, and that since she still has Zoey, they’ll go after him first. After careful consideration, Shawn caves and agrees to work with her. But he specifies that while he will do what’s required for her to protect him, he will not associate himself as a member of her alliance. Despite this, Heather is still pleased by the news, and leaves to get some sleep.
In the boathouse, Axel finds Duncan sweeping the floors to pass the time.
Duncan: Did you get General Crazy angry at you too?
Axel: No, I’m here so you can make good on our deal. What’s some more advice you have?
Duncan: Really? You can’t be so desperate that you need my help for every single thing.
Axel: Then what do you want me to do then? This was entirely your idea!
Duncan: Just ask Shawn out. Maybe set up a date or something. But if you just sit there and don’t talk to him I promise you that nothing good will happen. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to mess with Chef.
Duncan then leaves despite Chef’s orders and heads towards the craft services tent, leaving Axel behind wondering what she could do.
In the Gophers cabin, Katie visits Owen, who congratulates her on doing so well in the boot camp. Katie is ecstatic at her performance and thanks him for giving her the pep talk. Max, while also happy for Katie, insists that “Evil has better things to do than make friends” as he works on something secret in his bunk bed. Owen tells Katie that he thinks she can win the entire challenge, but to this Katie is still a bit skeptical.
The remaining Bass return to their cabin to find Trent and Damien playing cards on the front steps, and inside Dawn finds various snacks left in a big pile on her bed. She’s confused how it got there, but is happy to finally find something edible, so she invites everybody on both teams to hang out and eat the food. As the eleven of them dig in, they discuss how insane Chef is for making them do full on combat training, with only Shawn, Axel, and surprisingly Katie enjoying the challenge. Eventually the relaxation is ruined when Chef barges in and orders everyone in the Killer Bass to line up outside. He announces that the food they were dining on was stolen from the craft services tent, and that he was tipped off that it was one of them because the perpetrator left a raw bass in the fridge. Dawn confesses that she found it on her bed, but before she can explain herself Chef automatically eliminates her from the boot camp and confiscates the rest of the food.
Chef starts the last part of the boot camp the next morning, which is to hang upside-down from a tree until only one person is left. The last campers left are Sammy, Duncan and Axel for the Bass, and Shawn, Heather and Katie for the Gophers. Axel confronts Duncan about what he did, and he admits he stole Chris and Chef’s food, left a bass behind as a calling card and dumped the food on the first bed he found. Axel is pissed at him for getting Dawn in trouble with Chef and cuts the deal between them, causing Duncan to tell her that he never really cared.
Confessional:
Duncan: Okay, maybe I went a little too far, but I’ve always found a way to stay in the game. Surely this will be no different, right?
Chef rants about the side effects of being upside down, and as he goes over each one, someone gets it, causing them to fall off the tree. Eventually it’s down to Axel and Katie, with Dawn cheering on Axel while Owen motivates Katie. Axel looks between Dawn and Duncan, and is visibly conflicted, while Katie’s starting to get dizzy. But just as she’s about to fall, Axel jumps off first, meaning the Screaming Gophers win. Katie then falls off the tree before being enveloped in a bear hug by Owen. Chef congratulates Katie, saying he’d go to war with her anytime, but she gets mixed messages from the complement.
Duncan scolds Axel, saying she lost the challenge for them. But she snaps at him in front of everyone.
Axel: You are not fit to be on this island! You essentially threw two challenges, ridiculed me the entire game, and now got Dawn disqualified just because you wanted to prank Chef! So excuse me if I want you out!
Duncan snaps back at her before storming off, and for the first time in a while, Axel looks relieved. Dawn then comes up to her with Damien telling her that she did the right thing. Afterwards, Damien asks Dawn if she only said that to get Axel on their side, gaining an annoyed look from her. Seeing this, he backtracks and says that they should help Axel like real friends, and is relieved when Dawn nods her head in agreement.
Vote off a Killer Bass and come up with any plot points you want to see later.

Trigger warning: mention of sexual assault
This is my first ever post to Reddit and I get most of my Reddit fix from YouTube so please be patient with me if I don’t understand all the lingo or rules, thank you.
Here’s some context: I am a transgender male. Boyfriend, who we will call H, is a cisgender male. We’ve been together just over 1 year and 2 months. We were roommates before we started dating, and friends with benefits long before I moved in, though we did fall off for about a year before I moved in too. H has only ever known me as trans, I have been out for about 3/4 years now.
Last night I went to bed mad and I didn’t want to. I was triggered shortly after dinner time when H lifted up my shirt on my backside in the shared living room we have with our roommate and his gf, almost exposing my chest which I do not bind while home. He then starts to try massaging my back until his hands starts inching closer to the front of me. I did not ask him to do this. I felt an immediate panic and told him to stop but it didn’t feel like enough to actually stop him so I said very yelling like: “the reason we never have sex is because you can’t help but cross my boundaries and I barely even want you to touch me anymore.”
I can understand how this felt really harsh on him as he quickly became quiet, wouldn’t look at me, and then left to his room. We do have separate rooms as we were roommates before, I now use my room as an office for my remote customer service job and his room as an actual bedroom.
I knew that if we talked immediately that I would probably lash out again, getting mad and yelling and he would shut down but maybe even get mad himself. But we know better that at least I need some time to cool off if we’re going to have a productive conversation as I do have big feelings very often that overwhelm me and I have anger issues as well. We’ve never had a big fight where both of us are trying to get a point across. I feel like I did before in my last big relationship where I’m the only one with all the big feelings and no one wants to listen to them. The point isn’t that I want a big fight, it’s that I know eventually I need to let it out but more calmly.
So when H came out of his room after I went to partake in the devils garden on the balcony, I was expecting to sit down and talk it out. Instead he asked me to make a copy of his license for work cause I have a scanneprinter, we hugged, apologized to each other but didn’t explain why we’re were apologizing, I went to make the copies and we went on like it was a normal night. I waited for a more appropriate moment to bring it up and every time I think it’s time to speak up, H has a favor to ask, he wants me to look at the TikTok’s and Reels he sent me, and then we’re going to bed. At that point, I am fully in my head about this interaction and relationship and I haven’t said a word to him since last night except he texted me this morning complaining about his new job.
I want to give a little context why I am scared to say anything further about being triggered and lashing out. About three months ago, H was very drunk (he is an alcoholic) and after I rambled on about something, H stopped me and said something to the effect of “No one’s listening to you.” He has apologized profusely about this but I have always had the impression that if you want someone to tell the truth, talk to a toddler or a drunk. I haven’t been able to get him saying that out of my head. I’ve been told some messed up stuff about me by others but this one…hurts. So when he doesn’t start a conversation, I don’t want to talk. He doesn’t like listening to me talk. He’s blamed his ADHD and said “I never know when you’re gonna stop and my brain won’t focus” but part of me knows that’s a crock of sh*t.
Maybe while writing this post I’m realizing that it’s not worth it, but I’d like to explain that his insistent “Stims” on me (smacking, tickling, scratching, finger tracing, scratching my head and pulling my hair, pimple popping on my back, etc) are what’s crossing my boundaries. I have had a rough time with touch ever since I was 14 and was sexually assaulted. The last time I was triggered like this, my bf of the time tried to hold me from behind but his hand placement freaked me out and I had an anxiety attack; sweating, crying and dry heaving type of anxiety attack. While H never initiated without asking for consent, I’ve always wondered why consent and “keep your hands to yourself” is only important for him when he’s using his genitals.
I have repeatedly tried to explain to H that I am uncomfortable with most touch, and his stims still happen. I’ve tried to be mindful that maybe he actually can’t control it, that his extreme OCD is making him (he was diagnosed as a kid, the beginning of the relationship I had to drive with him everywhere because he kept thinking he hit people while on the road, a great example of pure O) so I tried displacement where he stims on himself, asked him to stop repeatedly and making him work through what he can do instead of stimming on me, I have tried to gentle parent his issue and nothing works. I am beginning to resent him and I don’t want to resort to violence just because he’s backed me into a corner with this issue.
I know however that when we have heart to hearts about these types of issues, he listens and tries better (he stopped smacking my thigh and went to my butt, the frequency of stims have slowed down) but after a year, I feel worn down and don’t know how to get him to talk to me now as I know if I start the conversation he will either deflect or dismiss. What should I do?
TLDR: boyfriend has trouble keeping his hands to himself, triggered my SA issues, we never talked about it, I don’t think he cares to listen. What should I do?

My friend and I have been friends for the past 3 years. We met during our bachelor studies and immediately hit it off. We connected on a very emotional and deep level. Back then, we were both in a very dark place in our lives. Since then, I have started therapy and I’m in a much better place.
Unfortunately, my friend has not improved much. Most of our conversations now have been me trying to help her with her issues, and I feel it takes me so much energy, and I am not willing to do this anymore. I have also been realising more and more that if I have remove the emotional side of our friendship, we have absolutely nothing in common. She likes to stay at home, doesn’t like trying new things, new foods. She doesn’t like watching movies, nor listening to music, nor dancing. She’s not up for trying new activities like VR. On her bday, I planned a trip to a city nearby, and she was constantly paranoid and scared that people would rob her, so we had to get a taxi everywhere and barely enjoyed our time.
She was also convinced that her stepmother would make her cut contact with her sister based on a hypothetical conversation she thought she would have with her grandparents. I spent the whole train ride trying to convince her that was this would not happen.
I find it impossible to simply hear her saying these things and stay quiet, because I don’t want to reinforce her thoughts. But I also feel like I’m constantly lecturing her, which doesn’t make feel comfortable either. She was seeing a psychologist for a few months, but she stopped because she said it wasn’t helpful. However, she’s no longer trying to find a new one because she says she’s in a better place now. A couple of weeks after this, she was convinced she would fail some courses and decided to postpone the thesis. She told me that this led to extreme anxiety - pulling hair, stomach aches, panic attacks, you name it. To her surprise (not mine), she passed the courses. When I suggested that she really should get help, she told me that school was only a small part of her life, so she didn’t see the point. I could go on and on about it, but the bottom line is that I am tired. I feel like she’s not in a place in which she’s ready for some change, and unfortunately being friends with her is not being a pleasant experience. I also don’t think she’s enjoying constant lectures, which I can completely understand. I’m at point in which I no longer want to be friends with her. I feel like I put in so much effort to change and be a better person not only for myself but for those around me, and I don’t see the same with her. There are also some behaviours that I find difficult to respect. In the past, she had a lot of arguments with her boyfriend because she didn’t want him to go out with his friends. I think she’s also quite codependent, as her boyfriend drives her to university every day before going to his work (which is 40min away) and then picks her up in the evening. This is because she says she cannot bike due getting short of breath and the bus takes too long. Another argument was that she would annoyed(and even angry) every time her boyfriend and his family would talk about his late grandpa, because in her mind he’s already dead. So, as I mentioned, I have a really hard time just listening to such things and not saying anything. My decision is reinforced by the fact that I am moving away in 2 months, and I know for a fact she won’t be putting in the effort to see me. I went to an exchange in another city, and she kept saying she would visit but never did.
This is not to say that I am better than her, but I feel like I am aware of my shortcomings and I am working on improving myself. I can’t say that she’s trying. Or at least it doesn’t seem like that to me.
We both just stopped texting each other, and nothing official was stated. I assume she got tired of getting lectured, and I am unfortunately not interested in hearing only complaints with her, so the conversation just stopped. I went to my psychologist today, and we talked about it. I started thinking whether I should make it official and explain to her how I am feeling, and that I don’t want to be friends anymore. I think I owe that to her. But I don’t know, I think it will be quite painful to her, but at the same time the way things are at the moment, she may not understand what is going on.
What are your thoughts? Thanks in advance!

I sit alone in my room on the seventh floor, writing what will surely be my last will and testament. The heroin which allowed me to forget and to sleep for the last couple of years has lost its power to keep the screaming terrors away. The drug destroyed my body and mind, gradually eating away at them like a corrosive acid. Now I have become a slave to it. And yet, without it, I do not sleep for weeks, but instead continuously see the scenes from that terrible night running through my head on repeat as worsening waves of madness crash on the shores of my consciousness.
In the caverns under the town of Frost Hollow, I found the meaning of true madness. Ever since I escaped that den of horrors, it is difficult to tell what is real and what is only the feverish delirium of an unhinged mind.
Even now, they wait behind the door to this cheap, bare rented room. They drag their claws over the wood. I hear them hissing in that strange, ancient tongue, the one I first heard in the tombs of rock that had been undisturbed for countless millennia.
***
I had first heard rumors of an unexplored cavern from my friend, an experienced caver named Sonia who had explored caverns all over the world. I had been looking for some excitement in my life, some break from the constant monotony and boredom of simply working and sleeping. I had gone caving quite a few times over the year leading up to the trip, but I was not nearly as experienced and had never explored a supposedly virgin passageway of cavern before.
“How do you know no one’s gone down there?” I asked, curious. We sat across from each other at a local diner, getting some early breakfast before our planned descent. The sunrise was still another half-hour away, the sky flat and dark. We would be joined by Sonia’s husband, Phil, who would meet us there shortly after sunrise. I repressed an urge to yawn, chugging half of the steaming hot coffee in one long swallow. Sonia leaned close to me, her nearly colorless blue eyes reminding me of chunks of ice floating down a muddy stream.
“Phil’s friend just found it randomly,” she whispered before glancing around conspiratorially, as if she feared someone would care enough to eavesdrop on a conversation about a cave. “Well, it’s in the middle of a farm, and Phil’s friend, Jack Graysole, owns the entire property and surrounding woods. Jack says he noticed the cows kept going over to a certain spot in the field when it got really hot during the summertime. They would all gather around this little indentation in the grass. After seeing it a few times, Jack got curious and went to investigate what the cows were doing.
“He found a small hole in the ground, almost entirely covered by weeds and grass. He said he felt a cool breeze constantly blowing out of the hole, a breeze that smelled like burning matches and charred metal. After bringing out some shovels and digging down a couple feet, Jack realized that the hole wasn’t a hole at all, but the beginning of a steep passageway leading deep into the bowels of the earth.”
***
The owner of the land decided to unofficially call the newly-discovered cavern Graysole Caverns. Out of respect for him, this is also the name we all used. This is the story of how I found myself in the bowels of a strange subterranean tunnel, a tunnel where creatures beyond my comprehension slunk and hunted, skittering monstrosities who would be more at home in a nightmare.
After grabbing a couple coffees to take with us, Sonia drove over to Graysole Farms. Cows stood out in the grassy fields, huddled in tight circles as they repetitively chewed. The thin silhouette of Jack Graysole waited for us next to the herd. He had a face like a raisin, I thought to myself. I watched his thin, shaking body standing in the middle of an overgrown grassy field. Jack stared down blankly at something only he could see. Sonia and I started unloading some equipment from the car while we waited for Phil.
Once we had the backpacks loaded with some simple supplies, such as water, food, headlamps, rope, a couple extra batteries, some buck knives, and radios, we headed over to accompany Jack. We weren’t taking much, as we didn’t really expect to be down there for more than six or seven hours at the most.
Jack Graysole’s withered old face was as slack and expressionless as that of a corpse. He stared down at the ground as if he were in a trance, waving back and forth slowly on his feet like a plant in a light breeze.
“Jack?” Sonia called out as we approached. I could hear the man’s teeth chattering as we got nearer.
“Hey, what are you doing over here this early? You interested in accompanying us down there?” Sonia joked. But Jack might as well have been totally deaf for all the reaction he gave. Sonia glanced over at me with an anxious expression. I wondered if the old man was having a stroke.
I quickly walked over to where he stood, staring down at a black circular hole about three feet across directly in front of his feet. The entrance to Graysole Caverns stared up at us like a sightless pupil. As I drew within a few feet of Jack and looked straight into his blank eyes, I noticed something alarming.
His pupils were quickly dilating and constricting before my eyes. They would shrink to tiny pinpoints, then, a couple seconds later, rapidly expand until they became dark and serious. I could see his thready, rapid heartbeat pulsating in a vein on the side of his temple. Alarmed, I reached forward and put my hand on his shoulder.
Instantly, he came to life, like a man waking up from a nightmare. Shrieking, he looked at me with fully dilated pupils, reminding me of a panicked deer surrounded by wolves. His quavering old man’s voice shook with ineffable existential horror and mortal fear.
He took a step back away from us, seeming to realize where he was and what he was doing. He looked around, confused, then straight at me and Sonia. His eyes focused with anger and fear, as if we were demons here to drag him down to Hell. His eyes flicked back and forth between us constantly. Jack raised a trembling hand and pointed it straight at my heart.
“It’s you,” he said, his voice dropping to a harsh whisper. His teeth chattered despite the warm spring air. His skin looked deathly pale. “You’re the one who will bring an end to humanity, who will release the ruler of nightmares upon us.” He continued to point accusingly for a long moment at me, his face turning chalk-white. Then his eyes rolled up in his head. Slowly, he stumbled and fell backwards onto the soft grass of the field.
“Jack!” Sonia cried, running over to the old man. Jack’s breaths had started to come in slow, drawn-out gurgles, like a man with a slit throat trying to breathe. Frothy blood bubbled from his lips as they turned blue. Staring up at the endless expanse of cloudless sky, he exhaled one last shuddering breath and died.
***
Phil showed up only a couple minutes later. He found me and Sonia in a state of utter panic, both of us bent double over the still body of Jack. Sonia was on the phone with 911, and I was trying to give Jack chest compressions. The way his fingernails and lips shone with that cyanotic blue cast made me feel sick and weak. I knew it was futile, that I was simply playing with a corpse at this point, but I didn’t know what else to do. I felt if I didn’t do something, I might explode.
I heard the faint wailing of sirens approaching as Sonia’s panicked voice continued babbling to the 911 operator. Phil stood by her side, his tall, dark features searching and lost.
“Oh God, I think he’s dead!” Sonia cried over and over to the operator, as if she thought the operator could do anything about it. I didn’t hear what the operator said in response. As the ambulance pulled in, I gave up on chest compressions. I stood up and took a step back, looking sadly down on the kindly old man’s dead body.
The paramedics ran over. Phil, Sonia and I stood back while they worked on the corpse, trying to shock the heart back into life. But Jack’s open eyes stayed glazed as they stared sightlessly up into eternity.
***
The paramedics left. A couple police officers stayed behind to ask us a few routine questions. Eventually, after an hour or so, they left, too.
“What a fucked-up day,” Phil said, shaking his head grimly. “Do you guys still want to do this? Maybe it’s an omen from God telling us to go home.” Sonia and I exchanged a glance, then we both nodded at the same time.
“Definitely,” she said. “It’s sad what happened to Jack, but realistically, we don’t know what’s going to happen to this property now that he’s passed away. It might get sold or taken by the bank for all we know. This could be our one and only chance to explore this cave.”
“I don’t believe in omens. I’m still down,” I said, feeling slightly sick from the experience. I still remembered how Jack’s body had cracked under the weight of my chest compressions, how his ribs had snapped like bones shattering in greedy hands. “We’ll do it in memory of Jack. I plan to put this up on YouTube.” I pulled my GoPro out of my bag, turning it on. Phil groaned at that.
“Do we have any idea how far down this cave goes?” Phil asked. I felt a sense of relief now that the topic had changed from the death of the old man.
“I sent a little camera down on a rope, but it only went about a hundred feet,” Sonia responded. “It’s pretty steep at first, then it levels out. I couldn’t really see much after it leveled out, but it looks like it should be easy to climb down. There’s plenty of handholds, lots of jutting rocks.”
Phil put on his headlamp and small pack. As he crawled down into the hole, his tanned face looked up at us and gave us one last devilish grin. Once he had gone down a few dozen feet, Sonia started descending. She looked excited and happy. I noticed how she couldn’t stop smiling as she disappeared from view.
I watched their lights grow smaller and dimmer in the circular tunnel. I marveled at how perfectly circular the entrance was. It almost didn’t even look natural.
Taking a deep breath in, I followed my friends down into the dark.
***
“This isn’t too bad,” I said as I climbed down. The jutting rocks gave plenty of handholds and footholds for us. It wasn’t so tight that it felt like a coffin, either.
“It only gets easier from here!” Sonia called up.
“How do you know?” I asked. “You said you’ve never been here before.” She laughed.
“I know. Probably just wishful thinking,” she said. Far below us, Jack’s voice drifted up, faint and weak. He had already reached the bottom.
“The tunnel really opens up down here, guys,” he called. “It’s somewhat… bizarre, though.”
“What do you mean by that?” Sonia asked. I looked down, seeing Sonia and I would reach the bottom in seconds. “Forget it, I’ll let it be a surprise.” I heard her drop down. Slowly and carefully, I lowered myself down the last few feet. There was a short fall onto a smooth granite floor. I looked up, seeing what Phil and Sonia were so mesmerized by.
“Oh, wow,” I said, speechless. I blinked rapidly, wondering if the image would clear like a mirage. The tunnel was cut into a perfectly triangular shape, each side about seven feet long. The ceiling met in a point above our heads.
All along the smooth walls of gray rock, I saw thousands of black orbs peeking out. They looked similar to obsidian, but they were perfectly smooth and circular, each about the size of an orange. They were formed into interlocking diagonal patterns and followed the tunnel straight down as far as the eye could see.
“What is this place?” Sonia asked, taking a tentative step forward. I looked up, seeing the distant pinpoint of sunlight far above our heads. Our voices continued to echo off down the massive tunnels, disappearing in eerie waves into the thick curtain of shadows.
“Are you recording all this?” Phil asked me. I laughed, giddy.
“Of course! This is internet gold right here,” I said. “No one’s going to believe that this isn’t man-made, however. I can’t even believe it. Do you think Jack was playing a joke on us or something?”
“Jack had the sense of humor of a wet paper towel,” Phil whispered, shaking his head. “No, he wouldn’t do something like this.”
“Well, let’s go check it out,” Sonia said, taking a step forward. Her headlamp bobbed up and down rapidly, throwing dancing shadows through the triangular tunnel. It continued straight ahead, without the slightest deviation or curve, disappearing off into a dark point in the distance.
***
We walked as fast as we could, excited to see where, if anywhere, the strange tunnel led. Phil, always the conspiracy theorist, babbled excitedly.
“This has to be aliens, man,” he said, running his fingers through his dark hair. “I bet that scientists will find out this shit is millions of years old when we get back up and tell everyone. Maybe aliens came to earth in ancient times and made a bunch of stuff underground.” Gradually, as we walked, I noticed the tunnel opening up. The pointed triangular ceiling rose up higher above our heads and the walls moved outwards, as we were walking up a triangular funnel. At first, it was so subtle that I didn’t believe it when Sonia pointed it out.
“No, look,” she said, raising her hand above her head. “When we first started down this weird tunnel, my fingers were only maybe a foot away from the top. Now it’s a couple feet.” I was about to respond when our headlamps illuminated something standing in the middle of the tunnel.
“What the fuck is that?” I whispered, stopping cold in my tracks. Phil and Sonia looked up at the abomination at the same time. Its back was to us. It stood nearly as tall as the tunnel, which was now about twenty feet high.
The bottom half looked black and spidery with dozens of long, jointed legs. A bloody, white spine rose out of the mass of legs. Inhumanly long, skeletal arms stretched out in front of it. Its face was pointed away from us, but the back of its head resembled an enormous pointed skull with deep fissures like the cracks of an earthquake running through the bone. The abomination stayed as still as a statue, and for a long moment, I wondered if we were looking at some macabre work of art.
Then, suddenly, one of its insectile legs twitched. A moment later, the other legs started jerking and twisting. There was a sound like bones shattering as it rose up to its full height, turning around to face us.
Its face was like something from a nightmare, melting and reforming constantly like dripping candle wax. I would see a black eye appear on its forehead, then a grinning mouth on its chin, then the features would get sucked back into the folds of melting flesh. After a few moments, two enormous eyes appeared on its face, dark and cold like craters on the surface of the Moon. The mouths and noses disappeared back into the dripping skin, and only the two lidless eyes remained, emanating a cold, reptilian consciousness beyond the ability of my mind to comprehend. I felt terror radiating from its body like freezing waves.
“Free me,” it cried in a gurgling voice that seethed with insanity. It had a shrieking, metallic ringing behind every word that gave it an alien quality. “Free me, and I will give you the waters of eternal life. Within me, I contain the seeds of immortality. Within the nightmares, we live forever, always together, never alone.”
“Who are you?” I asked, terrified. The black reptilian skin of the enormous beast glistened as it knelt down, its massive face drawing near to mine. A sideways mouth burst out of the liquified flesh, showing hundreds of fangs growing like tumors from its white, bloodless gums. The fangs varied in size from only a couple inches to long, sword-like projections that stabbed into the creature’s flesh, causing white blood glittering with rainbows to fall like raindrops all around me.
“I have many names,” it hissed, its thousand voices rising and falling in crashing waves of sound. “I was present at the beginning, when this planet was no more than dead cliffs and endless freezing oceans. Those holy ones who search for us, the ancient ones, call me Niralahoth.”
“How do we free you?” Phil asked, looking terrified. He held Sonia’s hand tightly.
“By letting me into your mind and body,” Niralahoth cried, shaking the cavern. “I was thrown down here, cursed and forgotten. I cannot leave this place of shadows within this body. But in the body of another, my consciousness can be free, and the seeds of new life can spread beyond this prison.”
“There’s no way anyone’s going to do that,” I said, my eyes widening as Niralahoth’s reptilian skull turned towards me in fury. “I mean, you’re asking one of us to give up our individuality, our lives, right?”
“I am asking you to become one with me and gain power undreamt of by mortals,” it cried. “I have within me the fountain of life, the waters that send death away screaming.” I glanced anxiously at Phil and Sonia, wondering if we would have to run.
“The answer is no,” I said. “I’m sorry.”
“Yeah, we can’t do that,” Phil said, backing me up. “But, anyways, I think our trip has ended. It’s time to turn around…”
“You will never return,” Niralahoth cried, skittering away from us. “If you will not accept salvation, then you must accept death.” Within seconds, it slunk away from us, backpedaling on its many skittering legs into the shadows.
***
All around us, a rumbling started.
There was a pounding that crashed through the rock tunnel, as if an insane blacksmith were hammering on a massive anvil. The ringing of crashing rock started off slowly, with a few stones smashing down around us with heavy blasts of sound. Within seconds, the cacophony sped up, rising into a constant stream of destruction. The black orbs were spinning in place all up and down the tunnel, their glossy obsidian surfaces flashing with sparks of blue light.
“It’s collapsing!” Phil cried, running back in the direction we came, holding Sonia’s hand as she tried to keep up with him. I could only stare for a long moment, not sure what to do. It seemed that the direction Phil was heading stood closer to total collapse.
“Wait!” I cried, but my voice was drowned out in the destruction all around us. I felt a rock smash into my shoulder, sending me down to my feet. I heard Phil give a scream of pain, then another stone came down and smashed into my forehead. I remember seeing everything spinning around me as the world went black.
***
I awoke to find my headlamp still shining straight up in the dusty tunnel. Large chunks of the tunnel had slid out of place and crashed to the stone floor. The granite chunks that had fallen looked unnaturally smooth, most of them in the shapes of cylinders or cubes and varying in size from that of an egg to that of a small car.
My head throbbed. It felt as if a tight belt of fire were wrapped around my temples. Groaning, I put my fingers up to my forehead. They came away slick with blood.
Slowly, I started pushing myself up on my feet. I was relieved that nothing seemed broken. I had a deep gash running from the center of my scalp down to my left temple and some shallower cuts on my shoulders and back, but I knew none of that was life-threatening.
“Sonia?” I whispered, my voice coming out weak and strained. I reached into my pack and found a bottle of water. I chugged it quickly in one long swallow.
“Phil?” I cried again, this time stronger. I heard a soft weeping nearby. Staggering, I followed the sound.
Sonia was bloody and covered in cuts and scrapes, sitting next to Phil’s prone form. I saw Phil’s right arm pinned under a massive slab of granite. His arm disappeared from the elbow down in a spreading puddle of thick, dark blood.
“Oh God, Max, I think he’s hurt really bad,” she wept. Phil’s eyes rolled wildly in his head, his face pale and bloodless. I looked down the way we had come, seeing the entire tunnel blocked by large slabs of stone, many with strange, black orbs peeking out like the lenses of cameras.
***
I don’t know how much time passed. My phone died after a day, and then we were counting the endless darkness in breaths and tears.
Phil swam in and out of consciousness as his arm putrefied and blackened around the crush site. After a couple days, Sonia and I agreed that something had to be done. We told Phil we would need to amputate his arm. He was half-delirious, but he came back long enough to understand us and nod weakly.
We made a fire with Phil’s pack, trying to find fuel to throw in it to get it roaring. As it grew, I saw one of the black orbs near the flames abruptly ignite, as if it had been covered in gasoline. Blue, almost colorless flames rose from its surface. We started throwing the small black orbs on the fire until it rose high in the air. I sanitized the buck knife with the flames and pulled a rope tourniquet tight around Phil’s arm. He was conscious but seemingly insane, talking to himself more than anyone else.
“How are we going to get the car started without a key?” he gurgled to someone only he could see. “We need to look around. It has to be here somewhere.”
“Phil, can you hear me, bud? We need to fix your arm. We need to get you out of this mess. OK?” I said as comfortingly as I could. Phil’s eyes rolled wildly, but they didn’t meet my own. I sighed and looked over at Sonia.
“Let’s do it,” I said, giving a grim nod.
I pulled the buck knife out, slicing quickly down through the flesh next to the tourniquet. His veins throbbed like fat worms as the blackened, necrotic skin split easily under the blade, releasing a rancid-smelling gas that hissed out of the wound.
I couldn’t believe how hard it was to slice all the way through the arm. It felt like I was stuck in that hellish task forever. Phil’s eyes rolled in his head as his skin turned the color of clotted milk.
“God, Jesus, make it stop,” Phil whispered over and over, exhaling ragged, pain-filled breaths. The blood spurted from the blackened, dying tissue all over the dust-covered cavern floor, covering my hands in its warm, slick embrace.
After what was probably only three or four minutes, but felt like hours, I had sliced all the way down to the bone. The infected tissue of his arm spurted great gouts of orange pus mixed with rivulets of blood. The hard part was over.
Standing up, I took my steel-toe sneaker and stomped down on his arm as hard as I could. Phil cried out in a powerful voice, as if all the agony and suffering in the world was contained in that one shriek. The bone snapped under my weight with a sound like a tree branch cracking. A moment later, Phil rolled away from the rock that had pinned me in place for so long. Something alien and spongy was shoved into my face, a mass of destroyed red tissue pulsating in time with a runaway heartbeat. At first, shell-shocked and revolted, my mind couldn’t comprehend that I was looking at the stump of Phil’s mutilated arm. I hardened my heart and forced the giddiness and madness to the back of my mind. The time had come to cauterize the wound.
“Sonia, give it to me,” I said with a tremor in my voice. I reached out a hand towards her, a hand stained with Phil’s blood. It looked as if I were wearing a wet, crimson glove. Sonia only stared blankly at me for a long moment, however. A surge of anger ran up my chest.
“Sonia, toughen the fuck up! He’s going to die if you just sit there!” I swore at her, hearing my deep, angry voice bounce around the caverns. Sonia pulled back, as if she were struck. Inwardly, I cursed having a woman as my only able-bodied companion in this situation. She was a competent enough caver, but what would happen if violence and blood came over us? What would happen if, or more realistically when, we needed to fight?
Grimly, Sonia leaned forward and yanked the burning black orb out of the roaring fire, handing it to me on the end of a buck knife that had just barely pierced its hard, strange exterior. The handle of the knife felt coarse and splintery under my filthy skin. I put it to the spongy stump of Phil’s arm. The stump twitched violently. Phil tried to pull away as black smoke rose from the burning flesh.
There was a smell like bacon sizzling. The searing meat of Phil’s arm blackened and crisped under the heat of the orb, which had become no more than a cylinder of glowing blue embers by this point. I felt simultaneously sick and giddy. I didn’t know if I wanted to laugh or vomit. I felt like I was on the verge of some kind of madness, that the stress and insanity of the experience had started to shatter my mind.
His eyes rolled back in his head and he appeared to go into a seizure for a few seconds. With a long exhalation of breath, he finally, mercifully, lost consciousness. It’s hard to admit it, even this close to the end, but a small, sick piece of me was jealous of Phil. Most likely, he would be dead soon, maybe within hours, while Sonia and I would slowly starve and dehydrate like animals over a period of weeks. I looked at her lithe body and soft skin, seeing the feminine curves of her hips and chest. She was a beautiful woman. I knew Phil to be a lucky man. At least, before this trip, he was.
I watched her body, wondering if I had what it took to eat her or Phil if I had to. Did I have an iron heart that would allow me to slice into my friends and consume their raw, cold flesh? Perhaps, by that point, it would be hunger and madness driving me forward, and I wouldn’t even hesitate. I shuddered at the very thought.
***
I fell asleep that night, having strange dreams of massive gods with melting faces sitting in judgment in a circle around me. We had very little food or water left. No one knew we were down here. Rescue was not coming.
When I awoke, I found myself alone. Phil had died from his injuries while I slept, the black streaks of septic shock spreading up his arm towards his heart. His eyes stared sightlessly up at the rock ceiling.
“Sonia?” I called out, my heart racing as I sat up. “Where are you?” My headlamp was growing dim. I looked in my pack, realizing I was on the last of my batteries. I saw a silhouette walking out of the darkness, the thin, pale form of Sonia. She was trembling badly.
“I saw them,” she said. “Niralahoth and its priests. The priests aren’t human. They look reptilian with sideways mouths and too many eyes.” She shuddered.
“Why would you do that?” I asked. Her eyes grew distant.
“You know we’re not getting out of here alive,” she said. “Not on our own. I wanted to see what it offered. It says that if we take a piece of its nightmare into us, we will gain the power to leave this place, that it simply wants to see the surface and spread its nightmares there.” I shook my head.
“Insanity,” I muttered. “We’d be better off dead.” Sonia nodded.
“My thoughts exactly,” she responded grimly. I didn’t realize what she meant until the next day, when I woke up and found her hanging next to Phil’s body, her tongue swollen and blue as it poked out of her cyanotic lips. And then I was truly alone.
***
Soon after Sonia committed suicide, the last of the batteries for the headlamp died. I had run out of food and had only a small sip of water left. I don’t know how much time passed in the darkness, starving and raving, following the tunnel by running my hands over the walls. I heard many things skittering in the darkness, and a few times, I heard the demonic voice of Niralahoth as it split and distorted.
“You are on death’s door,” it hissed. “Will you not drink from the fountain of life?” I couldn’t tell where the voice came from in the maddening blackness. It seemed to come from everywhere and nowhere. I had lost nearly all of my sanity in that pit of shadows by this point. I tried laughing constantly to keep my spirits up, and when that failed, I simply cried.
“I’ll do it,” I wailed. “I’ll do it. Just let me see the sky again. Get me out of here, Niralahoth.” Everything went deathly silent all around me, then a laugh rang out like the grinding of glass.
In front of me, I saw a tornado of fire descending from the ceiling, surrounding the massive, spidery form of Niralahoth. It rose its skeletal arms upwards, as if it were Zeus calling down lightning. In the sudden brightness, I saw the fiery form of snakes slithering and centipedes skittering forwards in that tornado, each massive creature sculpted from flames in the spinning cyclone of energy. Niralahoth reached into the tornado of fire with its sharp points of fingers and plucked something small from it. The fire instantly dissipated. In its hand, I saw a tiny, swirling orb that looked like it contained a firestorm within it.
“The nightmare seed,” Niralahoth gurgled as it skittered forward towards me. I could only stare, open-mouthed and starving. I hadn’t slept for days, it felt like, and everything seemed slow and unreal.
In a blur, its skeletal arm shot out and forced the orb into my mouth. Despite the fire raging within it, it felt freezing cold. As it touched my tongue, it gave off a sensation like frostbite all throughout my mouth. I screamed and tried spitting it out, but it seemed to have a mind of its own. It started liquifying, dripping down my throat.
I felt something cancerous and sick spreading throughout my body, radiating out from my heart and stomach to every inch of it. I tried to scream, but it caught behind my teeth. I fell to my knees, clawing at my face as that insane, alien laugh continued resounding all down the tunnel. I fell unconscious and woke up under a beautiful sky in the fields of Graysole Farms.
***
Soon after, I realized that my life would never be the same. Everywhere I went, I could hear the wailing voice of Niralahoth. Behind the trees, I always saw skittering shadows, creatures with long, spidery legs that stalked me every day and night. I slept with every light in the house turned on, yet when I woke up, they would all be shut off, and I would find myself in darkness, next to something in the bed with far too many legs and a face that dripped like burning wax.
I sold everything I owned and tried to move far away, to give as much distance between myself and those cursed caverns as I could, but the nightmares followed me like a shadow. I realize what a fool I was in those ephemeral moments of madness. Sonia was much wiser than myself; I should have killed myself or died rather than allowing that thing inside of me.
Even now, I can feel it creeping through my heart, spreading through my blood. I feel it trying to crawl its way out of my throat, the thin, black legs peeking out at the back of my esophagus.
I only hope that, when I finally jump and feel my bones shatter against the concrete far below, I will kill whatever is inside of me. For I fear the consequences for the world if it were to escape.