What kind of berries grow in the taiga
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For the hunting, growing, and consuming of mushrooms.
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2024.05.21 15:08 BothAd7146 WIBTAH for not wanting to speak to my dad and younger brother anymore?
i’ve seen a lot of those types of things in tiktok and so i wanted to give it a try too, before anything i’m not the best in english so if there are any errors forgive me!
so i (16f) was born in a large family of 5 and two pets! there’s my father (44) my mother (46) my big sibling (17) and my younger brother (11), i love all of them dearly but there’s always an issues that makes my parents fight, and it’s because 1. i’m very lazy and sometimes i don’t clean the house perfectly like they wants and 2. my older sibling wants to go out with their best friend everyday (my fathers hates the idea) and 3. is my youngest brother, that we call R, so R is the only male child my parents had, and he’s the pride and joy of my father, but thankfully my father had always made sure to give us equally things, but even so R grown up being a pure brat since my father had never disciplined him, while with me and my older sibling, my father used to hit us and scream at us whenever we did something wrong, with my brother was the other way around, he cherished R in anything he did, and even if R was wrong, my Father would always make some kind of excuse to make R look like the victim or the innocent one, my mother in the other hand hates it and hates the way my father made R grow up and how R is now, something my mom hates even more is when she ask R to do some simple chores, like for example picking up his school supplies and clothes from the living room and put them in his bedroom, and R would just starts crying, throw tantrums and then call my father, that will just scream at me and my older sibling for not being the one picking up R stuff instead of him.
So after a little back story, here what happened today for making me decide not to talk with my father again, so, my mom is a very quiet person and will always try her best to make me and siblings look like pure angels and the perfect children infront of strangers and family, but my brother will always make sure to ruin everything, today, my mother went out with the dog for a walk and for then pick up my brother from school since she was already outside (my brother usually comes home alone since we live a few meters away from his school) and apparently when she arrives, he saw R group if friend being very quiet and polite, and then there’s my brother who was jumping and screaming around, apparently he even took one of his friends umbrella and brake it, and as his friends walked away, he started playing with our cousin (11m), and R falls into the ground bc he just kept jumping around and screaming, my mom got of course angry (she told him multiple times to stay quiet and to stop being silly or he would hurt himself) and so she scolded him, as they got upstairs to our home, R starts screaming, crying and throwing things just bc my mom scolded him, my mom then hits him (she had not even once hit him since my father prohibited her to hit him) and since my father was at home, he starts screaming at my mom face and even hit her in her arm, me and R were looking at the scene and i could see the fear in my mom eyes as she starts crying and telling my father to leave the house, a few minutes pass and my father then walked to my mother and started bombarding her with love, something he had probably never done in years, my mom was begging him to leave and leave her alone, but instead, since my father didn’t want to leave, she was the one leaving. so, would i be the AH if i stop speaking to my brother and father?
submitted by BothAd7146 to AITAH [link] [comments]
so i (16f) was born in a large family of 5 and two pets! there’s my father (44) my mother (46) my big sibling (17) and my younger brother (11), i love all of them dearly but there’s always an issues that makes my parents fight, and it’s because 1. i’m very lazy and sometimes i don’t clean the house perfectly like they wants and 2. my older sibling wants to go out with their best friend everyday (my fathers hates the idea) and 3. is my youngest brother, that we call R, so R is the only male child my parents had, and he’s the pride and joy of my father, but thankfully my father had always made sure to give us equally things, but even so R grown up being a pure brat since my father had never disciplined him, while with me and my older sibling, my father used to hit us and scream at us whenever we did something wrong, with my brother was the other way around, he cherished R in anything he did, and even if R was wrong, my Father would always make some kind of excuse to make R look like the victim or the innocent one, my mother in the other hand hates it and hates the way my father made R grow up and how R is now, something my mom hates even more is when she ask R to do some simple chores, like for example picking up his school supplies and clothes from the living room and put them in his bedroom, and R would just starts crying, throw tantrums and then call my father, that will just scream at me and my older sibling for not being the one picking up R stuff instead of him.
So after a little back story, here what happened today for making me decide not to talk with my father again, so, my mom is a very quiet person and will always try her best to make me and siblings look like pure angels and the perfect children infront of strangers and family, but my brother will always make sure to ruin everything, today, my mother went out with the dog for a walk and for then pick up my brother from school since she was already outside (my brother usually comes home alone since we live a few meters away from his school) and apparently when she arrives, he saw R group if friend being very quiet and polite, and then there’s my brother who was jumping and screaming around, apparently he even took one of his friends umbrella and brake it, and as his friends walked away, he started playing with our cousin (11m), and R falls into the ground bc he just kept jumping around and screaming, my mom got of course angry (she told him multiple times to stay quiet and to stop being silly or he would hurt himself) and so she scolded him, as they got upstairs to our home, R starts screaming, crying and throwing things just bc my mom scolded him, my mom then hits him (she had not even once hit him since my father prohibited her to hit him) and since my father was at home, he starts screaming at my mom face and even hit her in her arm, me and R were looking at the scene and i could see the fear in my mom eyes as she starts crying and telling my father to leave the house, a few minutes pass and my father then walked to my mother and started bombarding her with love, something he had probably never done in years, my mom was begging him to leave and leave her alone, but instead, since my father didn’t want to leave, she was the one leaving. so, would i be the AH if i stop speaking to my brother and father?
2024.05.21 15:03 mern_ I don’t know what to caption this I hopes that someone might take the time to read about my problems other than breastfeeding is fricken hard man
When I was pregnant my plan was to exclusively breastfeed my baby girl. After she was born, we really struggled with feeding the first day because she was chomping on my nipples. They were really bloody, painful, chapped. Towards the end of the day I eventually asked my doula to grab some formula and bottles because baby girl needed to eat and I couldn’t supply what she needed in that condition.
The lactation consultant at the hospital was no help either, she was in the room for five minutes and just gave me some pamphlets and left. The nurses were super helpful in getting her to latch but unfortunately they weren’t coming home with us to help me every time.
I began pumping as soon as we got home and more so once my milk supply came in. Baby girl still wouldn’t latch so she was having formula and bottled breastmilk. I was constantly beating myself up over this thinking something was wrong with me that I couldn’t feed my baby. I really wanted her to be breastfed. My doula referred us to a lactation consultant in our area who helped us with a lot. She was able to have baby latch with a nipple shield and she told me there isn’t anything anatomically wrong with me, which was a weight taken off my shoulders, but that baby girl was lacking the reflexes that babies are born with in order to produce a wide latch. She also found a tongue tie that our pediatrician missed. So we had to do different mouth exercises and tongue exercises and ultimately were referred to a pediatric dentist for a laser frenectomy.
Fast forward to now baby girl is 4 months old. Still won’t latch, even with the shield she just screams and gets so upset. I want to give up. I’ve accepted and come to terms with being a lost cause for this and that it probably won’t happen. I feel like I don’t have time to keep trying. I don’t produce enough, I don’t drink enough water, I’m not eating enough to feed my milk supply I feel like I don’t have time to eat these days, my nipples are chapped and discolored from pumping, my baby doesn’t see me and think “mom boobies milk” instead she recognizes the bottle and reaches for it and smiles at it and while it’s cute a part of me breaks. I never got to experience the bonding that comes with breastfeeding, the comfort for baby, the exchange of enzymes in her saliva that tells my body what she needs if she’s sick.
You know, my entire life I’ve always felt I was born into the wrong generation but let me tell you, I have never been more grateful to be born into this generation. I’ve been lucky enough to use several different kinds of pumps over the last four months to feed my baby. I never wanted her to be a formula baby (yes I was that mom) but I am beyond thankful to have a formula that’s right for my baby (plus, you can’t tell by looking at someone if they had formula or breastmilk and my girl is perfectly healthy and growing. A story for another time. Fed is best) Way back when, if you couldn’t feed your baby it would die or someone else would have to feed them. This is what I think about when I’m pumping every single time. How I can’t feed my baby because she couldn’t latch to me. It’s agonizing and consuming.
It is such a biological and primal urge to want to feed your baby, and I simply can’t. It’s wearing me down so much emotionally, I want to stop pumping all together but I don’t know how. I need someone, some mom out there who gets it, to tell me it’s ok to be done :(
submitted by mern_ to beyondthebump [link] [comments]
The lactation consultant at the hospital was no help either, she was in the room for five minutes and just gave me some pamphlets and left. The nurses were super helpful in getting her to latch but unfortunately they weren’t coming home with us to help me every time.
I began pumping as soon as we got home and more so once my milk supply came in. Baby girl still wouldn’t latch so she was having formula and bottled breastmilk. I was constantly beating myself up over this thinking something was wrong with me that I couldn’t feed my baby. I really wanted her to be breastfed. My doula referred us to a lactation consultant in our area who helped us with a lot. She was able to have baby latch with a nipple shield and she told me there isn’t anything anatomically wrong with me, which was a weight taken off my shoulders, but that baby girl was lacking the reflexes that babies are born with in order to produce a wide latch. She also found a tongue tie that our pediatrician missed. So we had to do different mouth exercises and tongue exercises and ultimately were referred to a pediatric dentist for a laser frenectomy.
Fast forward to now baby girl is 4 months old. Still won’t latch, even with the shield she just screams and gets so upset. I want to give up. I’ve accepted and come to terms with being a lost cause for this and that it probably won’t happen. I feel like I don’t have time to keep trying. I don’t produce enough, I don’t drink enough water, I’m not eating enough to feed my milk supply I feel like I don’t have time to eat these days, my nipples are chapped and discolored from pumping, my baby doesn’t see me and think “mom boobies milk” instead she recognizes the bottle and reaches for it and smiles at it and while it’s cute a part of me breaks. I never got to experience the bonding that comes with breastfeeding, the comfort for baby, the exchange of enzymes in her saliva that tells my body what she needs if she’s sick.
You know, my entire life I’ve always felt I was born into the wrong generation but let me tell you, I have never been more grateful to be born into this generation. I’ve been lucky enough to use several different kinds of pumps over the last four months to feed my baby. I never wanted her to be a formula baby (yes I was that mom) but I am beyond thankful to have a formula that’s right for my baby (plus, you can’t tell by looking at someone if they had formula or breastmilk and my girl is perfectly healthy and growing. A story for another time. Fed is best) Way back when, if you couldn’t feed your baby it would die or someone else would have to feed them. This is what I think about when I’m pumping every single time. How I can’t feed my baby because she couldn’t latch to me. It’s agonizing and consuming.
It is such a biological and primal urge to want to feed your baby, and I simply can’t. It’s wearing me down so much emotionally, I want to stop pumping all together but I don’t know how. I need someone, some mom out there who gets it, to tell me it’s ok to be done :(
2024.05.21 15:01 SharkEva My wife friend-zoned me and wants a platonic “companionship”
I am not the OOP. The OOP is u/themachucajr posting in Marriage
Ongoing as per OOP
1 updates - Long
Original - 7th May 2024
Update - 15th May 2024
My wife friend-zoned me and wants a platonic “companionship”
My wife (35f) and I (35m) have been married for 15 years and we've been together for 20 years. We have two kids (12,14) we absolutely adore and work tirelessly to provide the best possible life for them. For the past 3 years, things have been somewhat bumpy. I understand that our kids are at an age where they require a ton of our attention and resources with school, band, club sports, and other extracurriculars and I'm aware of the physical and emotional toll that can have on marriages.
However, for these past 3 years, my wife and I have had very little intimacy and very little sex and we've been trying very hard to work on that aspect of our relationship. This past year has been the most difficult and by far the darkest year in our marriage. We didn’t talk very much, we essentially became roommates coparenting our kids under the same roof. It was very depressing and very demoralizing. It was to the point where we began contemplating divorce and it became very dark and gloomy in the household because of that.
We began seeking help with both individualized therapy and couples therapy and it seems to have helped some. Little by little we started to get along and started to have deeper conversations about what our marriage looks like and what we would love for it to look like. This is where it gets tough. As time passed, my wife started to tell me she no longer was "in love with me" and that she only saw me as a "best friend." That she only loved me in a very platonic way, and this was one of the main reasons she didn’t have any desire for intimacy and let alone sex.
This was very shocking to me and quite frankly, I was devastated. I because angry and depressed and I couldn't fathom the thought that I was no longer wanted or desired by the person I felt completely in love with. Things began to deteriorate again and not long after, we were back to square one. I sat down with her one afternoon and had a heart to heart and began to ask questions about where the root of this problem lies, and her answer was "I don't know" and that "I have built up resentment towards you but I don't know where it stems from." As you can imagine, this provides very little to no insight into how to approach this.
I'm puzzled, I'm frustrated and I do not know what to do at this point. Currently, we've arrived at a place where she says that she has no sex drive and no desire for intimacy or connection. She says that all she wants is simply "companionship" which basically means our coparenting roommate dynamic. I asked her what I could possibly do or what is it about me that is so unattractive or undesirable and she her response is always "I don't know." She stated that she does "love" me but its not the same. That she has been feeling disconnected for years and that our marriage just takes up too much work. Her focus is only the children for now and that my coparenting contributions are "meaningful" to her in our home.
I'm at a loss and I'm mainly venting about my frustration. It's tough to realize that the person you love has no feelings for you. I feel like at this point I'm only here to contribute financially and as a parent. I feel like what she means with "companionship" is that she's comfortable with the convenience of having a good father for our kids and my financial contribution to the household.
In regard to intimacy and/or sex, she basically told me that its not something she’s interested in or wants at this time. She mentioned that the only way to get to a point for any of that is to be intoxicated which o believe is incredibly awful and very wrong. I told her I do not think forcing herself to have sex or be intimate by drinking or smoking is good and I declined to be a part of that which to my surprise, it upset her and made her more distant.
We're both extremely honest and transparent. We've never cheated on each other and we are always free to look through each others phones, emails, socials, etc. and we hardly ever do. I asked her if there was someone else and she declined. Honestly, I believe her. We then peacefully went through each other’s things and as expected, it was clean. We've always been very forward, even with the hard topics so I don't smell nor feel any foul play or infidelity.
Am I wrong for declining to only be intimate or have sex when she’s intoxicated? (I'm firm on my stance of not partaking in this "only when I'm high or drunk" sex because it doesn’t sit well with me.) I do not know how to help our situation and I'm starting to become a bit anxious and desperate. We're both fairly young and healthy individuals and good looking. We both have good standing careers and are good parents. I'm just not sure how our lives could have driven us to this point. I'd love some outside perspective on this matter and some insight on how to address something like this. It feels so awful to be unwanted and undesired by my own spouse. I hate it.
tl;dr: My wife of 15+ years is no longer in love with me and doesn’t know way and now says she can only have sex while intoxicated or I need to settle for a platonic sexless marriage and she doesn’t know why that is but it is what it is and I'm in need of insight or advice.
Comments
Warthog__
From your comment history it looks like you are Swingers? If so, I would think that would be relevant information to consider.
failedopportunities
It’s an obvious potential issue bro… wether it be she’s enjoying herself a side piece and wants nothing to do with you in that manner anymore. Or, she just went along with you on the swinging and never wanted to do it in the first place. Hence brings resentment. Regardless, should have been included in the initial post.
BigIronBruce
Will she be your best friend if you live elsewhere and have a relationship with somebody in love you. Probably not. Which makes the whole "best friend" speech feel like self-deception on her part.
I won't lie, if it were me, I'd get a divorce. She doesn't seem willing to do the work to fix the marriage and you can't fix it alone. She might promise to fix it or beg you not to but you need to follow your gut as to whether she actually can or will fix it. She's serious that she wants you to stick around but not necessarily as her husband.
Basically withold from any unnecesary interactions and affection. This is from an infidelity forum, but principles are the same https://www.survivinginfidelity.com/documents/library/articles/discovery/the-simplified-180/
Update - 8 days later
I wanted to give you guys an update of how the therapy session with my wife went this week. Not sure if this is helpful or not but I took many of the responses/comments/suggestions from my initial post and put together some things I wanted to discuss with our couples therapist to help us navigate some of the core issues that may be affecting this situation.
One of the main things that is the "buzz word" of this has been the term "resentment" and it has been really eating me up inside knowing my wife keeps telling me she doesn't know why she's resentful or doesn't know why this is affecting her emotionally/mentally. I brought this up with our therapist once again and resurfaced the conversation about being married for so long (15yrs) and being together since we ere 14yrs old. Our long history of growing up and how having children when she was 19yrs old (me 20) significantly changed the trajectory of our lives.
We experience severe poverty and many hardships in the process and we essentially had zero social life for the past 10 years because we were so busy raising babies (2 kids now ages 12 &14). She followed up with tons of questions directly mostly at my wife about her feelings towards this and 90% of the responses were very "our kids" focused. It definitely felt like she was afraid of saying "yes it sucked" because she would feel guilt or shame because it would imply she regrets the kids.
I mentioned this in the session and the therapist encouraged her to look at this outside of the lens of being a mother and to try to view it a bit more selfishly and individually and it was very eye opening. My wife mentioned that she was very frustrated with the fact that we did miss out on many things in life. She also was very clear in saying "I do not think I missed out on other partners or dating or partying but I certainly lost all my friends." This was huge because one of the big pieces that has caused a strain in our lives is how silo'd and isolated we've been (again busy raising kids). I followed up by reminding her that it's important to have good friends and to make time for herself and her friendships.
For the past 3+ years, we've had multiple conversations about friends and how it is important to have them in life. Specially when you have similar peers that can help in many areas of life that perhaps we have no experience navigating and even simply for enjoyment. It has always been something my wife avoids, even though she's always been someone who needs that external stimuli. The main reason for her not investing in friends or even herself has always been "the kids." Like I mentioned earlier in this post, 90% of the answers have to relate to "the kids" to some degree.
At this point in our session I started to feel like there was a common denominator (the kids) in most of the frustrations and problems she was experiencing. So I simply asked her "Do you think you may be upset at me because I'm responsible for these kids in the sense that I got you pregnant so young?" I wasn't ready but she said that she was upset at me for that. She also followed up with the fact that she knows that's unreasonable because it "takes 2 to tango." I did feel like it was progress because it kind of gave us something to work on and help alleviate some of these "burdens" so we agreed to invest more time in nurturing good friendships both together and individually.
Towards the end of the session, we began to discuss what actionable items we would take from this session. At this point, it was still all very ambiguous and blurry as to what the outcomes were. I was very direct and very forward in asking my wife what her plan is moving forward. (NOTE: I had decided prior to the session that should my wife say the same thing about being a coparenting roommate that I would take the 180 approach and essentially do me) She started basically saying the same thing, that she doesn't have any desire to be intimate or sexual with me as of now and that she loves me immensely and she feels bad for not being there for me (as mentioned in my first post).
I also brought up the brief swinging that happened, to which for the 50th time said it wasn't a problem. I agree with her on this. This was something that was a "mechanical" approach for a solution to a problem that was very much in existent when we tried this. We (both) really have no issue to this. We know it happened, we tried it and mutually stopped and turned the page.
I also brought up other life events that may cause resentment and really we ended up not getting anywhere else as far as the root for resentment which was discouraging.
I then basically expressed to my wife that I will not be ok with that arrangement. I told her that I've really done everything I can and that this issue really has reached a point where it has nothing to do with me or require me to do anything that I'm currently not doing. I was very direct and saying that I will not be accepting this dynamic and that I need to be with someone who is actively involved in our marriage, works towards resolutions and is very much interested in maintaining an active intimacy and sexual relationship.
I expressed how I am not going to be a "convenience" and that there was more to life than being roommates and coparents. I made sure she knows I love her dearly and that I do want this to work for the better. I also told her that I'm fully committed to this marriage so long as she is as well and that is she wasn't, its ok, however I will not be a part of something where these efforts are not reciprocated. I told her I have no plans of leaving, and I do not want a divorce, however, I made it clear that if this dynamic continues that divorce will be the only outcome.
Of course tears were involved and it was a very bleak and sad ending to the session. Still nothing was said and I walked out very discouraged and very determined to start working on the 180 as soon as we left the room. It's painful and very difficult because much of the 180 requires you to be very short and cold and transactional. The saddest part is realizing, this dynamic already is very cold and transactional.
Here is where it gets VERY interesting. I started working on implementing many of the 180 recommendations that same day. I mentioned to my wife that, "hey, things are going to be a bit different moving forward. I'm going to honor her roommate/coparent dynamic without reproach and that it should be no mistake that I am not happy here and I am never going to be ok with it but I am done working on it if she wasn't going to work on it."
She agreed and went to bed. I started to build distance and started to basically focus on myself. Very short and transactional. She asked for help on some of her personal things to which I declined and it really shocked her. She was upset saying I was being petulant. I explained to her that, she is now fully in charge of her own life and her own issues.
We didn't talk all day and we only spoke when necessary. Few days I keep this going and she's very visibly upset and stressed. I typically react to that with gestures of help or nurturing but I didn't this time. That night she was crying telling me she's stressed and she things something is wrong with me because I'm "indifferent." I simply listened, then I told her that this is the dynamic she proposed and that I'm simply (much like her) taking care of myself and focusing on myself.
I'm not going to lie, it has been VERY hard to be cold and distant because as I mentioned before, I love her and I wish I could hold her and love on her. However, I know this is somewhat manipulative in a way just to get her way and still keep me in the friendzone. So I've been staying the course.
We're now going on a week of this 180 and let just say, there has been MANY changes on her side. I think she is starting to realize there is more to me than just "friends and coparenting." I sent her a text a few days ago essentially itemizing bills and separating the financial responsibilities 50/50 and SHE LOST HER SHIT. She basically told me it was "out of left field" to which I responded "hey, friends go in 50/50 and as your friend I expect nothing less."
This was very eye opening because it gave me a glimpse of I'm really taken for granted and how her level of comfort and convenience at my expense is really overlooked. I pushed through anyways and basically told her that this is the new dynamic she asked for and that its still a "bargain" because she would have to be 100% if she was on her own.
I'll wrap up with this. While the 180 has been working in many different areas, I am still very much sad about the overall situation. There have been MANY eye opening statements being said and realization that have not been pleasant to encounter. It has also sparked new energy and new efforts on her side as well. She's definitely seeking to talk to me more often and while its hard to turn down, I hope if things improve, this continues to happen.
I've also noticed that she's making more time for herself aside from being a mom which is HUGE because she pretty much neglected herself for years. I'm very pleased seeing her be more herself. My hope is that as we work on ourselves, the marriage improves. There really is no telling at this point where this will go. We are very much cordial and amicable even to this day and that's a very good sign.
Boundaries are set and expectations are very clear and I feel that no matter the outcome, I will be at peace with everything that has been done. We're still going to continue the couples therapist until we either rekindle our marriage or end up in divorce. I feel like having this nonbiased third party really helps as a witness and as a guide through this. No matter what I will always love my wife, however, I will not participate in a sexless, intimacy less marriage because we both deserve better.
Thank you all for all the kind words and recommendations and feedback. This will be my last post on this topic and I wish you all the best.
TL;DR: My wife friend-zoned me wants to just coparent at my expense but I started the 180 method to try and find a solution because she doesn't want to work on us which seems to be working on getting her out of her rut and helping me discover more about how she feels. Also, therapy is paramount and highly recommend to all couples.
Comments
Complete-Old-1960
Bottom line and not to be brutal, but there is one thing you don't have infinite amount of, is TIME. This has to be resolved in a timely manner. It takes 2 to be in love and to be loved, and u only have ½ of the equation. You need to put a time limit on you being the good guy and think of you and your future. Look hope it works out for you, but listening to what you are going through and what you could be in for you can still be a good father but also be a great husband to another wife if you find that special person again.
shes_a_killer
I have to agree with this, simply because at some point, the person who has gone 180 and is waiting for the other person to decide will begin to wonder, "Wow, they're really taking their time coming around to me...did they love me at all? If they ever appreciated and cared for me, why would they keep me waiting and neglecting me for so long?" Except, in my case, it had more to do with the other person being stubborn and unable to admit their faults.
RandyPan_theGoatBoy
I think it’s interesting that in the comments of your original post you said you didn’t think she was taking you for granted but you came to realize she absolutely was. Can you give some more details on what the 180 method is?
I am not the OOP. Please do not harass the OOP.
Please remember the No Brigading Rule and to be civil in the comments
submitted by SharkEva to BORUpdates [link] [comments]
Ongoing as per OOP
1 updates - Long
Original - 7th May 2024
Update - 15th May 2024
My wife friend-zoned me and wants a platonic “companionship”
My wife (35f) and I (35m) have been married for 15 years and we've been together for 20 years. We have two kids (12,14) we absolutely adore and work tirelessly to provide the best possible life for them. For the past 3 years, things have been somewhat bumpy. I understand that our kids are at an age where they require a ton of our attention and resources with school, band, club sports, and other extracurriculars and I'm aware of the physical and emotional toll that can have on marriages.
However, for these past 3 years, my wife and I have had very little intimacy and very little sex and we've been trying very hard to work on that aspect of our relationship. This past year has been the most difficult and by far the darkest year in our marriage. We didn’t talk very much, we essentially became roommates coparenting our kids under the same roof. It was very depressing and very demoralizing. It was to the point where we began contemplating divorce and it became very dark and gloomy in the household because of that.
We began seeking help with both individualized therapy and couples therapy and it seems to have helped some. Little by little we started to get along and started to have deeper conversations about what our marriage looks like and what we would love for it to look like. This is where it gets tough. As time passed, my wife started to tell me she no longer was "in love with me" and that she only saw me as a "best friend." That she only loved me in a very platonic way, and this was one of the main reasons she didn’t have any desire for intimacy and let alone sex.
This was very shocking to me and quite frankly, I was devastated. I because angry and depressed and I couldn't fathom the thought that I was no longer wanted or desired by the person I felt completely in love with. Things began to deteriorate again and not long after, we were back to square one. I sat down with her one afternoon and had a heart to heart and began to ask questions about where the root of this problem lies, and her answer was "I don't know" and that "I have built up resentment towards you but I don't know where it stems from." As you can imagine, this provides very little to no insight into how to approach this.
I'm puzzled, I'm frustrated and I do not know what to do at this point. Currently, we've arrived at a place where she says that she has no sex drive and no desire for intimacy or connection. She says that all she wants is simply "companionship" which basically means our coparenting roommate dynamic. I asked her what I could possibly do or what is it about me that is so unattractive or undesirable and she her response is always "I don't know." She stated that she does "love" me but its not the same. That she has been feeling disconnected for years and that our marriage just takes up too much work. Her focus is only the children for now and that my coparenting contributions are "meaningful" to her in our home.
I'm at a loss and I'm mainly venting about my frustration. It's tough to realize that the person you love has no feelings for you. I feel like at this point I'm only here to contribute financially and as a parent. I feel like what she means with "companionship" is that she's comfortable with the convenience of having a good father for our kids and my financial contribution to the household.
In regard to intimacy and/or sex, she basically told me that its not something she’s interested in or wants at this time. She mentioned that the only way to get to a point for any of that is to be intoxicated which o believe is incredibly awful and very wrong. I told her I do not think forcing herself to have sex or be intimate by drinking or smoking is good and I declined to be a part of that which to my surprise, it upset her and made her more distant.
We're both extremely honest and transparent. We've never cheated on each other and we are always free to look through each others phones, emails, socials, etc. and we hardly ever do. I asked her if there was someone else and she declined. Honestly, I believe her. We then peacefully went through each other’s things and as expected, it was clean. We've always been very forward, even with the hard topics so I don't smell nor feel any foul play or infidelity.
Am I wrong for declining to only be intimate or have sex when she’s intoxicated? (I'm firm on my stance of not partaking in this "only when I'm high or drunk" sex because it doesn’t sit well with me.) I do not know how to help our situation and I'm starting to become a bit anxious and desperate. We're both fairly young and healthy individuals and good looking. We both have good standing careers and are good parents. I'm just not sure how our lives could have driven us to this point. I'd love some outside perspective on this matter and some insight on how to address something like this. It feels so awful to be unwanted and undesired by my own spouse. I hate it.
tl;dr: My wife of 15+ years is no longer in love with me and doesn’t know way and now says she can only have sex while intoxicated or I need to settle for a platonic sexless marriage and she doesn’t know why that is but it is what it is and I'm in need of insight or advice.
Comments
Warthog__
From your comment history it looks like you are Swingers? If so, I would think that would be relevant information to consider.
OOP: We did some swinging in the past. That was fun for some time. We mutually decided to stop doing it and we have established it’s not the case. When we were swinging however, our marriage seemed to be in a good place. This IS something we did disclose with our couple therapist and made sure to include it to make sure we’re not neglecting an obvious potential issue.
I will say, I did ask my wife if what she experienced during swinging is something that is affecting her view on our relationship and she said it wasn’t. Our swinging experience was always together and it was very sex driven. Nothing really emotional or “poly”. Truth is, I have to believe her at her word. I have no reason to distrust her. To date, she’s always been very forward and never afraid of dealing things head on. No matter how painful.
failedopportunities
It’s an obvious potential issue bro… wether it be she’s enjoying herself a side piece and wants nothing to do with you in that manner anymore. Or, she just went along with you on the swinging and never wanted to do it in the first place. Hence brings resentment. Regardless, should have been included in the initial post.
OOP: Swinging was her idea. Not mine. But I suppose I should have included it but I honestly believe her on it not being an issue. I don’t have any reason to distrust her. Maybe it’s something she has to accept with her therapist or our couples therapist. Can’t really approach that with a solution if she doesn’t think it was a problem. IDK
BigIronBruce
She says that all she wants is simply "companionship" which basically means our coparenting roommate dynamic.That's only a marriage if you both agree it is. You're hoping she's going to wake up one day and feel different but she's basically said that's not going to happen and doesn't want to figure out why she feels that way. It seems like you tried several different ways to get to the bottom of it and she's either deflected or is being honest that she's not in love with you.
Am I wrong for declining to only be intimate or have sex when she’s intoxicated?I wouldn't do this, either, if that makes you feel better.
Will she be your best friend if you live elsewhere and have a relationship with somebody in love you. Probably not. Which makes the whole "best friend" speech feel like self-deception on her part.
I won't lie, if it were me, I'd get a divorce. She doesn't seem willing to do the work to fix the marriage and you can't fix it alone. She might promise to fix it or beg you not to but you need to follow your gut as to whether she actually can or will fix it. She's serious that she wants you to stick around but not necessarily as her husband.
OOP: A very hard truth to accept here. Thank youInteresting-Tip-4850
"I’m ensure I do everything possible to mend our marriage to ensure my own peace of mind and excite knowing I did everything I could."you may still concider 180 method, to protect yourself and perhaps in the same time the reality that the ship is leaving may start to change your wifes perspective. If that doesnt what else would.
OOP: Can you elaborate on the “180 Method”?Interesting-Tip-4850
Basically withold from any unnecesary interactions and affection. This is from an infidelity forum, but principles are the same https://www.survivinginfidelity.com/documents/library/articles/discovery/the-simplified-180/
OOP: I bookmarked this. I’m heavily considering this.
Update - 8 days later
I wanted to give you guys an update of how the therapy session with my wife went this week. Not sure if this is helpful or not but I took many of the responses/comments/suggestions from my initial post and put together some things I wanted to discuss with our couples therapist to help us navigate some of the core issues that may be affecting this situation.
One of the main things that is the "buzz word" of this has been the term "resentment" and it has been really eating me up inside knowing my wife keeps telling me she doesn't know why she's resentful or doesn't know why this is affecting her emotionally/mentally. I brought this up with our therapist once again and resurfaced the conversation about being married for so long (15yrs) and being together since we ere 14yrs old. Our long history of growing up and how having children when she was 19yrs old (me 20) significantly changed the trajectory of our lives.
We experience severe poverty and many hardships in the process and we essentially had zero social life for the past 10 years because we were so busy raising babies (2 kids now ages 12 &14). She followed up with tons of questions directly mostly at my wife about her feelings towards this and 90% of the responses were very "our kids" focused. It definitely felt like she was afraid of saying "yes it sucked" because she would feel guilt or shame because it would imply she regrets the kids.
I mentioned this in the session and the therapist encouraged her to look at this outside of the lens of being a mother and to try to view it a bit more selfishly and individually and it was very eye opening. My wife mentioned that she was very frustrated with the fact that we did miss out on many things in life. She also was very clear in saying "I do not think I missed out on other partners or dating or partying but I certainly lost all my friends." This was huge because one of the big pieces that has caused a strain in our lives is how silo'd and isolated we've been (again busy raising kids). I followed up by reminding her that it's important to have good friends and to make time for herself and her friendships.
For the past 3+ years, we've had multiple conversations about friends and how it is important to have them in life. Specially when you have similar peers that can help in many areas of life that perhaps we have no experience navigating and even simply for enjoyment. It has always been something my wife avoids, even though she's always been someone who needs that external stimuli. The main reason for her not investing in friends or even herself has always been "the kids." Like I mentioned earlier in this post, 90% of the answers have to relate to "the kids" to some degree.
At this point in our session I started to feel like there was a common denominator (the kids) in most of the frustrations and problems she was experiencing. So I simply asked her "Do you think you may be upset at me because I'm responsible for these kids in the sense that I got you pregnant so young?" I wasn't ready but she said that she was upset at me for that. She also followed up with the fact that she knows that's unreasonable because it "takes 2 to tango." I did feel like it was progress because it kind of gave us something to work on and help alleviate some of these "burdens" so we agreed to invest more time in nurturing good friendships both together and individually.
Towards the end of the session, we began to discuss what actionable items we would take from this session. At this point, it was still all very ambiguous and blurry as to what the outcomes were. I was very direct and very forward in asking my wife what her plan is moving forward. (NOTE: I had decided prior to the session that should my wife say the same thing about being a coparenting roommate that I would take the 180 approach and essentially do me) She started basically saying the same thing, that she doesn't have any desire to be intimate or sexual with me as of now and that she loves me immensely and she feels bad for not being there for me (as mentioned in my first post).
I also brought up the brief swinging that happened, to which for the 50th time said it wasn't a problem. I agree with her on this. This was something that was a "mechanical" approach for a solution to a problem that was very much in existent when we tried this. We (both) really have no issue to this. We know it happened, we tried it and mutually stopped and turned the page.
I also brought up other life events that may cause resentment and really we ended up not getting anywhere else as far as the root for resentment which was discouraging.
I then basically expressed to my wife that I will not be ok with that arrangement. I told her that I've really done everything I can and that this issue really has reached a point where it has nothing to do with me or require me to do anything that I'm currently not doing. I was very direct and saying that I will not be accepting this dynamic and that I need to be with someone who is actively involved in our marriage, works towards resolutions and is very much interested in maintaining an active intimacy and sexual relationship.
I expressed how I am not going to be a "convenience" and that there was more to life than being roommates and coparents. I made sure she knows I love her dearly and that I do want this to work for the better. I also told her that I'm fully committed to this marriage so long as she is as well and that is she wasn't, its ok, however I will not be a part of something where these efforts are not reciprocated. I told her I have no plans of leaving, and I do not want a divorce, however, I made it clear that if this dynamic continues that divorce will be the only outcome.
Of course tears were involved and it was a very bleak and sad ending to the session. Still nothing was said and I walked out very discouraged and very determined to start working on the 180 as soon as we left the room. It's painful and very difficult because much of the 180 requires you to be very short and cold and transactional. The saddest part is realizing, this dynamic already is very cold and transactional.
Here is where it gets VERY interesting. I started working on implementing many of the 180 recommendations that same day. I mentioned to my wife that, "hey, things are going to be a bit different moving forward. I'm going to honor her roommate/coparent dynamic without reproach and that it should be no mistake that I am not happy here and I am never going to be ok with it but I am done working on it if she wasn't going to work on it."
She agreed and went to bed. I started to build distance and started to basically focus on myself. Very short and transactional. She asked for help on some of her personal things to which I declined and it really shocked her. She was upset saying I was being petulant. I explained to her that, she is now fully in charge of her own life and her own issues.
We didn't talk all day and we only spoke when necessary. Few days I keep this going and she's very visibly upset and stressed. I typically react to that with gestures of help or nurturing but I didn't this time. That night she was crying telling me she's stressed and she things something is wrong with me because I'm "indifferent." I simply listened, then I told her that this is the dynamic she proposed and that I'm simply (much like her) taking care of myself and focusing on myself.
I'm not going to lie, it has been VERY hard to be cold and distant because as I mentioned before, I love her and I wish I could hold her and love on her. However, I know this is somewhat manipulative in a way just to get her way and still keep me in the friendzone. So I've been staying the course.
We're now going on a week of this 180 and let just say, there has been MANY changes on her side. I think she is starting to realize there is more to me than just "friends and coparenting." I sent her a text a few days ago essentially itemizing bills and separating the financial responsibilities 50/50 and SHE LOST HER SHIT. She basically told me it was "out of left field" to which I responded "hey, friends go in 50/50 and as your friend I expect nothing less."
This was very eye opening because it gave me a glimpse of I'm really taken for granted and how her level of comfort and convenience at my expense is really overlooked. I pushed through anyways and basically told her that this is the new dynamic she asked for and that its still a "bargain" because she would have to be 100% if she was on her own.
I'll wrap up with this. While the 180 has been working in many different areas, I am still very much sad about the overall situation. There have been MANY eye opening statements being said and realization that have not been pleasant to encounter. It has also sparked new energy and new efforts on her side as well. She's definitely seeking to talk to me more often and while its hard to turn down, I hope if things improve, this continues to happen.
I've also noticed that she's making more time for herself aside from being a mom which is HUGE because she pretty much neglected herself for years. I'm very pleased seeing her be more herself. My hope is that as we work on ourselves, the marriage improves. There really is no telling at this point where this will go. We are very much cordial and amicable even to this day and that's a very good sign.
Boundaries are set and expectations are very clear and I feel that no matter the outcome, I will be at peace with everything that has been done. We're still going to continue the couples therapist until we either rekindle our marriage or end up in divorce. I feel like having this nonbiased third party really helps as a witness and as a guide through this. No matter what I will always love my wife, however, I will not participate in a sexless, intimacy less marriage because we both deserve better.
Thank you all for all the kind words and recommendations and feedback. This will be my last post on this topic and I wish you all the best.
TL;DR: My wife friend-zoned me wants to just coparent at my expense but I started the 180 method to try and find a solution because she doesn't want to work on us which seems to be working on getting her out of her rut and helping me discover more about how she feels. Also, therapy is paramount and highly recommend to all couples.
Comments
Complete-Old-1960
Bottom line and not to be brutal, but there is one thing you don't have infinite amount of, is TIME. This has to be resolved in a timely manner. It takes 2 to be in love and to be loved, and u only have ½ of the equation. You need to put a time limit on you being the good guy and think of you and your future. Look hope it works out for you, but listening to what you are going through and what you could be in for you can still be a good father but also be a great husband to another wife if you find that special person again.
OOP: Definitely. I think this “soft ultimatum” (180 method) has been very eye opening. I’m definitely hoping for a rekindling of our marriage but I’m also bracing for divorce. I agree on a timeline and I’ve decided on a timeline for myself privately. I don’t want to give her a timeline because I want to reduce the pressure, however, after 1-2 yrs of things don’t improve, it won’t be shocking or a surprise if we split. I think 1-2yrs is more than reasonable.
shes_a_killer
I have to agree with this, simply because at some point, the person who has gone 180 and is waiting for the other person to decide will begin to wonder, "Wow, they're really taking their time coming around to me...did they love me at all? If they ever appreciated and cared for me, why would they keep me waiting and neglecting me for so long?" Except, in my case, it had more to do with the other person being stubborn and unable to admit their faults.
OOP: I understand what you mean. I don’t think I’ll ever doubt she loved me at all. I’m certain she did and I’m certain she still does. I know it sounds crazy and I’m not at all infatuated or blinded by love. Love is far more than the intimacy and sex we’re lacking.
RandyPan_theGoatBoy
I think it’s interesting that in the comments of your original post you said you didn’t think she was taking you for granted but you came to realize she absolutely was. Can you give some more details on what the 180 method is?
OOP: Yeah, I definitely felt this way. But with this 180 method it’s happening right in front of my eyes. Actual actions and reactions taking place that clearly demonstrate that she is taking me for granted. She actually see this as well. It’s evident she’s thinking about this heavily based on her demeanor and her behavior.
Here’s what I used as a guide:
https://beingabeautifulmess.wordpress.com/the-180/
https://www.survivinginfidelity.com/documents/library/articles/discovery/the-simplified-180/
I am not the OOP. Please do not harass the OOP.
Please remember the No Brigading Rule and to be civil in the comments
2024.05.21 15:01 SharkEva AITA for not giving my adopted daughter a stuffed animal for her high school graduation, when both of my biological children got one?
I am not the OOP. The OOP is u/evastraea posting in AmItheAsshole
Concluded as per OOP
2 updates - Long
Original - 21st June 2022
Update1 - 27th June 2022
Comment from OOP - 27th June 2022
AITA for not giving my adopted daughter a stuffed animal for her high school graduation, when both of my biological children got one?
I [49f] have 3 children, [22f], [19m], and [18f]. My oldest are my biological children from a previous marriage, and my youngest I became a mother to at the age of 2 when I married her widowed father. She has only ever called me mom, and I officially adopted her at the age of 12.
Now on to the issue with the stuffed animals: years and years ago, when I was only 20 and in college, I worked at a children's museum. I adored the job and working with kids, and had the idea to buy stuffed animals from the gift shop to be my future-kids' first stuffed animals whenever they were born. I had gotten a stuffed bear at birth that was very special to me growing up, and on my 18th birthday my parents gifted me a duplicate they had bought way back when and kept for me all these years. I found this so special, and wanted to do something similar, so I bought 6 stuffed animals from the museum's gift shop; 3 to be given at birth, and 3 duplicates. I had no idea at the time how many kids I would have, but I knew I wasn't planning on having more than 3, so I didn't get any more.
My first daughter received the stuffed animal I selected for her while pregnant. Then, between her birth and the birth of my son, I miscarried. The experience was deeply traumatic for me, especially as I miscarried in my second trimester, and I buried my baby with the stuffed animal they would have gotten. I kept the duplicate to for comfort, to cuddle and hold.
Finally, my son was born and received the last of the stuffed animals I had set aside so many years ago. Now, here's where I may be the asshole. For both my daughter and son's high school graduations, I surprised them with the duplicates, for them to take to college with them and compare against the stuffies they've been loving on their whole lives. Both were very moved by this, and took both (original and duplicate) to school with them.
My youngest, however, never received a stuffed animal, and so when her graduation celebration rolled along I had no duplicate to gift her. I watched her unpack all her gifts, and her face fall when she got to the last one and realized. She didn't really say anything, just got this super sad look on her face, and excused herself to her room. I followed to ask what was wrong, but she said she didn't want to talk to me, so her father went in instead.
According to him she cried to him that she didn't feel as loved by me as her siblings, and as much a part of the family - the unwrapping of her siblings' stuffed animals were very emotional events, and she had had the expectation she'd be getting the same. In hindsight I could have easily done something similar for her whenever I first came into her life, even if it wouldn't have been from the museum, but I just didn't think of it. She has been cold to me this entire last week, and I feel so terrible, I've offered to take her out to a special dinner the two of us to make amends but she turned me down. AITA?
Edit: the votes are in, and I am definitively TA. Many of you are suggesting that I get her a stuffie that reminds me of her, or maybe to get her two so she can continue the tradition with her future kids. But I think what I will do is gift her the duplicate my parents gifted me of my special plush bear I received at birth, which is one of my most treasured possessions, and deeply meaningful to me. Thank you all for the advice, it is genuinely appreciated.
Comments
Mrs-Addams
YTA. Nothing quite says “you’re not like my other kids” like leaving her out of a family tradition when her turn came. I’m sorry about the loss of your baby and understand why you kept that stuffed animal for your own, however, the tradition could have started with her when she joined your family at age 2, or when you formally adopted her.
SmartassMouth89
YTA your kids grew up together and for years you never once thought to go and buy two stuffed animals for your adoptive daughter?
QueenKeisha
Right? In 16 years, and after giving 2 other bears away, she didn’t once think, hey what about youngest?
SmartassMouth89
Right? She liked the daughters dad enough to marry him but didn’t think that it would be a good idea to give the two year old a stuffie at the wedding?
Update - 6 days later
Long story short: my daughter found my reddit post, and came to me in tears apologizing for her reaction. This was NOT my expectation, and I assured her she had nothing to apologize for, as I had been in the wrong. We had a long discussion about the situation, our feelings, and how to move forward from this, and although I know she is still hurt we are on our way to making amends.
Long story long: so what even happened? As I've now discovered, my daughter loves browsing AITA. She stumbled on my post, and after reading it in it's entirety, as well as a good chunk of the comments (all of mine, and many left by other redditors) she came to me in tears apologizing for her reaction.
She sobbed in my arms that she didn't want this to be the end of our relationship, and that she was sorry, and wanted to enjoy this last summer together. I held her and assured her she had nothing to apologize for, and apologized myself (I did shed a little tear, but tried to keep my emotions in check as I did not want the burden of comforting me to be on her).
What followed was a productive but incredibly emotionally vulnerable conversation, the details of which I will not disclose entirely. She has been going through a rough time, and my impression (I could be wrong) is that the lack of a stuffie at graduation was a catalyst for bigger emotions. She did take me up on my offer to take her to dinner, and I've now booked a reservation at a nice restaurant she has been wanting to go to for a while.
And last night we cooked her favorite dinner together, which gave us an opportunity to smooth things over somewhat. We have not yet broached the subject of me intending to gift her my own plush, except for very briefly (she insisted I didn't have to, and seemed to feel a lot of guilt), but I still plan to. I just feel it would be best to wait until things have cooled down.
And if she truly doesn't feel comfortable taking it, I plan on getting a bear of a similar look to be its "little brother" for her to take care of. That's the update, obviously things have not magically mended overnight, but we are finally on-track to a resolution. Many thanks to all that left advice, and please check the comments below for clarification on many questions asked before passing any judgements (I far exceeded the allowed word limit, and have instead pasted much of what I intended to say here below).
Comments
aroundincircles
Read your first post and this one, and I feel it from both sides. My wife and I recently adopted a bio niece (13 yo this week) and she welcomes us as dad and mom, but we've run into a number of times where the kids will pull out something from a trip we went on, or an activity we did, etc years before she was ever in our lives, and she'll go "why don't you have one of those for me"? It's really hard, some of these things are simply impossible for us to get, and/or would cost us thousands of dollars (when We already spent 30+k on custody/adoption lawyers and court fees).
She also didn't even bring anything with her when we picked her up, she wasn't even allowed to bring a change of underwear. It's been something that we've had to deal with in counselling that her life with us didn't start till she was almost 12, and we have to begin fresh from there, we cannot turn back the clock and give her back an entire childhood she missed. Like when we went camping for the first time with her, and we were getting things out to visually see what we needed to get from the store and we pulled out the kid's sleeping bags, and she was like "where is mine", and the fact that we didn't already have one hurt her.
Glum_Hamster_1076
And that doesn’t make you an ahole. I hope no one will call you one. Situations change and you’re not always able to “make up for it”. OP didn’t do this to hurt her daughter and it’s weird people are painting it that way. I hope things are going well with you all in therapy and your family is making great strides together.
Comment from OOP
When I initially posted to AITA, I was prepared to face judgment, and open to constructive criticism. However, while I did receive many constructive comments, which I truly appreciate, I received many more that were hateful and unconstructive, and I will admit, I did get defensive. But the attitude I took on in the comments is not one I brought into my interactions with my daughter; please understand that I did not throw in her face all the kind things I feel I've done for her over the years, but was rather attempting to contextualize our relationship for strangers who've never met us.
And before passing any further judgment in the comments, please check below for answers to a lot of the questions asked in the original thread. To answer a few questions: why did I not adopt her until 10 years after I came into her life? Because I never sought to force myself on her as her mother, and waited until she could give me explicit consent to adopt her. Why did I never buy her any stuffed animals? I did. I bought her many when I first met her, as well as one for her official adoption day, and every adoption day celebration since.
And I did technically gift her a stuffed animal for her graduation, too, it was just a plush of her college's mascot rather than a duplicate of a treasured plush from her childhood. So why did I not buy her a duplicate at any point over the last 16 years? I did not think to until my oldest graduated and received hers, by which point I (mistakenly) felt the significance would be lost. Both my bio kids received stuffies saved for them for decades, whereas she would have received one saved for only four years. Instead I tried to honor her in other ways, such as (as I described in the comments) crafting her a cookbook of generational family recipes that I illustrated by hand, because she is her own individual.
Truthfully, while I understand the sentiments expressed in the comments, I don't believe recognizing differences is inherently a bad thing. The duplicate stuffies my bio kids received were duplicates of the very first stuffies to ever be in their crib with them. Their receival of them was a birth event, and I did not give birth to my youngest. But that does not mean I love her any less, or that she is any less my daughter.
We have established our own traditions honoring her entry into my life, such as our celebration of her adoption day, and while I realize I could have handled the stuffie situation better, I do believe it was an honest mistake. But how could I not include her in a treasured family tradition, knowing how important it is (especially as an adopted child) to feel a part of the family? Because I truly did not realize this one specific tradition meant as much to her as it did.
I have strived to include her in as many family traditions as possible throughout the years. As I mentioned in the comments, she speaks German because I taught and spoke it to her growing up, even though her father does not. We celebrate German traditions, such as baking countless batches of German Christmas cookies together every year (just the two of us, neither of her siblings have any interest in baking), which is something I grew up doing with my mom, and every year it is quality time I deeply treasure.
For her 16th birthday I gifted her the locket my mother gifted me on my 16th, which she'd been gifted by my grandmother before me - this actually upset my eldest daughter, who had not received such a hand-me-down, and this is just to name a few. So given the fact that she has on occasion received and taken part in traditions my other kids have been excluded from, I did not think the stuffie would carry as much weight as it ultimately did. But isn't her reaction an indication that there are larger issues at play, and that she has likely felt this way for a while? Perhaps.
I am not a perfect adoptive mother, and have never claimed to be. And I can not see inside her brain, so I cannot know her true feelings. But my sense - and I may be wrong! - is that the larger issues at play relate back to her bio mom, which is something she expressed to me in our conversation. I did not disclose this in my original post, because I did not believe it to be relevant, and it is also a painful topic within our family, but her bio mom committed suicide whilst in the thick of post-partum depression. This has obviously impacted my daughter, who has been in and out of therapy for years grappling with feelings of loss, and guilt.
She is highly sensitive to feeling isolated within our family unit, which is something I should have taken into account in this situation, and I own that. I realize this is a huge hunk of text, but given the visceral reaction many had, I felt it was important to cover my bases. Come to whatever conclusions you all like, I will likely not be checking the comments for my own mental health, and the wellbeing of my family. To all who left genuine advice, even if that meant calling me an asshole, I truly do appreciate you. And to all who said hateful things, especially in regard to the loss of my baby, please consider the impact your words may have moving forward
Comments
Rice-Correct
You’re a good mom. It might’ve been a mistake not to gift her the plush, and it might, as you said, just have been indicative of some larger big emotions going on, as graduating is a HUGE milestone and going to college is an enormous life change that is very rewarding and exciting, but also stressful. But it sounds like you’ve been amazing about creating beautiful memories and experiences together! I think at some point, the plush will be a distant memory. From your post, it seems pretty clear you DO have a good relationship, and you’re a caring, empathetic parent. ENJOY your summer together, Mama!
sharraleigh
Don't take the hateful comments personally; it's easy to be cruel online to a faceless stranger. Also, your original post didn't include all this info (it would've been impossible to anyway), and therefore lacked a lot of the back story and nuance that frankly, a real person's life experience encompasses. Your daughter probably saw your post and realized how her reaction hurt your feelings and read the hateful comments and felt bad for you. It sounds like you have a great relationship and you're lucky to have each other in your lives!
I am not the OOP. Please do not harass the OOP.
Please remember the No Brigading Rule and to be civil in the comments
submitted by SharkEva to BORUpdates [link] [comments]
Concluded as per OOP
2 updates - Long
Original - 21st June 2022
Update1 - 27th June 2022
Comment from OOP - 27th June 2022
AITA for not giving my adopted daughter a stuffed animal for her high school graduation, when both of my biological children got one?
I [49f] have 3 children, [22f], [19m], and [18f]. My oldest are my biological children from a previous marriage, and my youngest I became a mother to at the age of 2 when I married her widowed father. She has only ever called me mom, and I officially adopted her at the age of 12.
Now on to the issue with the stuffed animals: years and years ago, when I was only 20 and in college, I worked at a children's museum. I adored the job and working with kids, and had the idea to buy stuffed animals from the gift shop to be my future-kids' first stuffed animals whenever they were born. I had gotten a stuffed bear at birth that was very special to me growing up, and on my 18th birthday my parents gifted me a duplicate they had bought way back when and kept for me all these years. I found this so special, and wanted to do something similar, so I bought 6 stuffed animals from the museum's gift shop; 3 to be given at birth, and 3 duplicates. I had no idea at the time how many kids I would have, but I knew I wasn't planning on having more than 3, so I didn't get any more.
My first daughter received the stuffed animal I selected for her while pregnant. Then, between her birth and the birth of my son, I miscarried. The experience was deeply traumatic for me, especially as I miscarried in my second trimester, and I buried my baby with the stuffed animal they would have gotten. I kept the duplicate to for comfort, to cuddle and hold.
Finally, my son was born and received the last of the stuffed animals I had set aside so many years ago. Now, here's where I may be the asshole. For both my daughter and son's high school graduations, I surprised them with the duplicates, for them to take to college with them and compare against the stuffies they've been loving on their whole lives. Both were very moved by this, and took both (original and duplicate) to school with them.
My youngest, however, never received a stuffed animal, and so when her graduation celebration rolled along I had no duplicate to gift her. I watched her unpack all her gifts, and her face fall when she got to the last one and realized. She didn't really say anything, just got this super sad look on her face, and excused herself to her room. I followed to ask what was wrong, but she said she didn't want to talk to me, so her father went in instead.
According to him she cried to him that she didn't feel as loved by me as her siblings, and as much a part of the family - the unwrapping of her siblings' stuffed animals were very emotional events, and she had had the expectation she'd be getting the same. In hindsight I could have easily done something similar for her whenever I first came into her life, even if it wouldn't have been from the museum, but I just didn't think of it. She has been cold to me this entire last week, and I feel so terrible, I've offered to take her out to a special dinner the two of us to make amends but she turned me down. AITA?
Edit: the votes are in, and I am definitively TA. Many of you are suggesting that I get her a stuffie that reminds me of her, or maybe to get her two so she can continue the tradition with her future kids. But I think what I will do is gift her the duplicate my parents gifted me of my special plush bear I received at birth, which is one of my most treasured possessions, and deeply meaningful to me. Thank you all for the advice, it is genuinely appreciated.
Comments
Mrs-Addams
YTA. Nothing quite says “you’re not like my other kids” like leaving her out of a family tradition when her turn came. I’m sorry about the loss of your baby and understand why you kept that stuffed animal for your own, however, the tradition could have started with her when she joined your family at age 2, or when you formally adopted her.
SmartassMouth89
YTA your kids grew up together and for years you never once thought to go and buy two stuffed animals for your adoptive daughter?
QueenKeisha
Right? In 16 years, and after giving 2 other bears away, she didn’t once think, hey what about youngest?
SmartassMouth89
Right? She liked the daughters dad enough to marry him but didn’t think that it would be a good idea to give the two year old a stuffie at the wedding?
Update - 6 days later
Long story short: my daughter found my reddit post, and came to me in tears apologizing for her reaction. This was NOT my expectation, and I assured her she had nothing to apologize for, as I had been in the wrong. We had a long discussion about the situation, our feelings, and how to move forward from this, and although I know she is still hurt we are on our way to making amends.
Long story long: so what even happened? As I've now discovered, my daughter loves browsing AITA. She stumbled on my post, and after reading it in it's entirety, as well as a good chunk of the comments (all of mine, and many left by other redditors) she came to me in tears apologizing for her reaction.
She sobbed in my arms that she didn't want this to be the end of our relationship, and that she was sorry, and wanted to enjoy this last summer together. I held her and assured her she had nothing to apologize for, and apologized myself (I did shed a little tear, but tried to keep my emotions in check as I did not want the burden of comforting me to be on her).
What followed was a productive but incredibly emotionally vulnerable conversation, the details of which I will not disclose entirely. She has been going through a rough time, and my impression (I could be wrong) is that the lack of a stuffie at graduation was a catalyst for bigger emotions. She did take me up on my offer to take her to dinner, and I've now booked a reservation at a nice restaurant she has been wanting to go to for a while.
And last night we cooked her favorite dinner together, which gave us an opportunity to smooth things over somewhat. We have not yet broached the subject of me intending to gift her my own plush, except for very briefly (she insisted I didn't have to, and seemed to feel a lot of guilt), but I still plan to. I just feel it would be best to wait until things have cooled down.
And if she truly doesn't feel comfortable taking it, I plan on getting a bear of a similar look to be its "little brother" for her to take care of. That's the update, obviously things have not magically mended overnight, but we are finally on-track to a resolution. Many thanks to all that left advice, and please check the comments below for clarification on many questions asked before passing any judgements (I far exceeded the allowed word limit, and have instead pasted much of what I intended to say here below).
Comments
aroundincircles
Read your first post and this one, and I feel it from both sides. My wife and I recently adopted a bio niece (13 yo this week) and she welcomes us as dad and mom, but we've run into a number of times where the kids will pull out something from a trip we went on, or an activity we did, etc years before she was ever in our lives, and she'll go "why don't you have one of those for me"? It's really hard, some of these things are simply impossible for us to get, and/or would cost us thousands of dollars (when We already spent 30+k on custody/adoption lawyers and court fees).
She also didn't even bring anything with her when we picked her up, she wasn't even allowed to bring a change of underwear. It's been something that we've had to deal with in counselling that her life with us didn't start till she was almost 12, and we have to begin fresh from there, we cannot turn back the clock and give her back an entire childhood she missed. Like when we went camping for the first time with her, and we were getting things out to visually see what we needed to get from the store and we pulled out the kid's sleeping bags, and she was like "where is mine", and the fact that we didn't already have one hurt her.
Glum_Hamster_1076
And that doesn’t make you an ahole. I hope no one will call you one. Situations change and you’re not always able to “make up for it”. OP didn’t do this to hurt her daughter and it’s weird people are painting it that way. I hope things are going well with you all in therapy and your family is making great strides together.
Comment from OOP
When I initially posted to AITA, I was prepared to face judgment, and open to constructive criticism. However, while I did receive many constructive comments, which I truly appreciate, I received many more that were hateful and unconstructive, and I will admit, I did get defensive. But the attitude I took on in the comments is not one I brought into my interactions with my daughter; please understand that I did not throw in her face all the kind things I feel I've done for her over the years, but was rather attempting to contextualize our relationship for strangers who've never met us.
And before passing any further judgment in the comments, please check below for answers to a lot of the questions asked in the original thread. To answer a few questions: why did I not adopt her until 10 years after I came into her life? Because I never sought to force myself on her as her mother, and waited until she could give me explicit consent to adopt her. Why did I never buy her any stuffed animals? I did. I bought her many when I first met her, as well as one for her official adoption day, and every adoption day celebration since.
And I did technically gift her a stuffed animal for her graduation, too, it was just a plush of her college's mascot rather than a duplicate of a treasured plush from her childhood. So why did I not buy her a duplicate at any point over the last 16 years? I did not think to until my oldest graduated and received hers, by which point I (mistakenly) felt the significance would be lost. Both my bio kids received stuffies saved for them for decades, whereas she would have received one saved for only four years. Instead I tried to honor her in other ways, such as (as I described in the comments) crafting her a cookbook of generational family recipes that I illustrated by hand, because she is her own individual.
Truthfully, while I understand the sentiments expressed in the comments, I don't believe recognizing differences is inherently a bad thing. The duplicate stuffies my bio kids received were duplicates of the very first stuffies to ever be in their crib with them. Their receival of them was a birth event, and I did not give birth to my youngest. But that does not mean I love her any less, or that she is any less my daughter.
We have established our own traditions honoring her entry into my life, such as our celebration of her adoption day, and while I realize I could have handled the stuffie situation better, I do believe it was an honest mistake. But how could I not include her in a treasured family tradition, knowing how important it is (especially as an adopted child) to feel a part of the family? Because I truly did not realize this one specific tradition meant as much to her as it did.
I have strived to include her in as many family traditions as possible throughout the years. As I mentioned in the comments, she speaks German because I taught and spoke it to her growing up, even though her father does not. We celebrate German traditions, such as baking countless batches of German Christmas cookies together every year (just the two of us, neither of her siblings have any interest in baking), which is something I grew up doing with my mom, and every year it is quality time I deeply treasure.
For her 16th birthday I gifted her the locket my mother gifted me on my 16th, which she'd been gifted by my grandmother before me - this actually upset my eldest daughter, who had not received such a hand-me-down, and this is just to name a few. So given the fact that she has on occasion received and taken part in traditions my other kids have been excluded from, I did not think the stuffie would carry as much weight as it ultimately did. But isn't her reaction an indication that there are larger issues at play, and that she has likely felt this way for a while? Perhaps.
I am not a perfect adoptive mother, and have never claimed to be. And I can not see inside her brain, so I cannot know her true feelings. But my sense - and I may be wrong! - is that the larger issues at play relate back to her bio mom, which is something she expressed to me in our conversation. I did not disclose this in my original post, because I did not believe it to be relevant, and it is also a painful topic within our family, but her bio mom committed suicide whilst in the thick of post-partum depression. This has obviously impacted my daughter, who has been in and out of therapy for years grappling with feelings of loss, and guilt.
She is highly sensitive to feeling isolated within our family unit, which is something I should have taken into account in this situation, and I own that. I realize this is a huge hunk of text, but given the visceral reaction many had, I felt it was important to cover my bases. Come to whatever conclusions you all like, I will likely not be checking the comments for my own mental health, and the wellbeing of my family. To all who left genuine advice, even if that meant calling me an asshole, I truly do appreciate you. And to all who said hateful things, especially in regard to the loss of my baby, please consider the impact your words may have moving forward
Comments
Rice-Correct
You’re a good mom. It might’ve been a mistake not to gift her the plush, and it might, as you said, just have been indicative of some larger big emotions going on, as graduating is a HUGE milestone and going to college is an enormous life change that is very rewarding and exciting, but also stressful. But it sounds like you’ve been amazing about creating beautiful memories and experiences together! I think at some point, the plush will be a distant memory. From your post, it seems pretty clear you DO have a good relationship, and you’re a caring, empathetic parent. ENJOY your summer together, Mama!
sharraleigh
Don't take the hateful comments personally; it's easy to be cruel online to a faceless stranger. Also, your original post didn't include all this info (it would've been impossible to anyway), and therefore lacked a lot of the back story and nuance that frankly, a real person's life experience encompasses. Your daughter probably saw your post and realized how her reaction hurt your feelings and read the hateful comments and felt bad for you. It sounds like you have a great relationship and you're lucky to have each other in your lives!
I am not the OOP. Please do not harass the OOP.
Please remember the No Brigading Rule and to be civil in the comments
2024.05.21 14:59 Queen-Ness My players gave up Ireena
Okay so for a bit of context: I’m running Curse of Strahd with help from the companion by Wyatt Trull
In the last Session after the Burgomaster was burried Rahadin dropped by to take Ireena for Strahd bc I guess Strahd is growing a bit impatient. Now getting too caught up in the moment I kind of forgot that Rahadin wouldn’t harm Ireena to not incur strahds wrath. And she went KO during the fight. Oops. 🙊
One of my players also went down twice and all of my players were steadily running out of resources and spell slots so at around round 4 or 5 orso, right after Ireena went down, they were like “okay please just take her” Ismark wasn’t all too pleased with that (obviously) and is now rightfully pissed at the players but still needs their help so is reluctantly traveling with them to try and save Ireena.
Now the Companion suggests Ireena escaping after Rahadin leaves bc the dark powers would interfere. And the players can potentially find her at Tser pool encampment.
But part of me kinda feels like this diminishes player action and removes the consequenses for their actions. Bc they did willingly give her over. Its not like Rahadin knocked them all out and took her. Granted even if they hadn’t said that Rahadin would’ve scooped her up and vanished anyways but yknow.
I was wondering what you all were thinking/ how you would approach it going forward? Should I still have Ireena escape? Should I have her locked up in Castle Ravenloft? Something else?
submitted by Queen-Ness to CurseofStrahd [link] [comments]
In the last Session after the Burgomaster was burried Rahadin dropped by to take Ireena for Strahd bc I guess Strahd is growing a bit impatient. Now getting too caught up in the moment I kind of forgot that Rahadin wouldn’t harm Ireena to not incur strahds wrath. And she went KO during the fight. Oops. 🙊
One of my players also went down twice and all of my players were steadily running out of resources and spell slots so at around round 4 or 5 orso, right after Ireena went down, they were like “okay please just take her” Ismark wasn’t all too pleased with that (obviously) and is now rightfully pissed at the players but still needs their help so is reluctantly traveling with them to try and save Ireena.
Now the Companion suggests Ireena escaping after Rahadin leaves bc the dark powers would interfere. And the players can potentially find her at Tser pool encampment.
But part of me kinda feels like this diminishes player action and removes the consequenses for their actions. Bc they did willingly give her over. Its not like Rahadin knocked them all out and took her. Granted even if they hadn’t said that Rahadin would’ve scooped her up and vanished anyways but yknow.
I was wondering what you all were thinking/ how you would approach it going forward? Should I still have Ireena escape? Should I have her locked up in Castle Ravenloft? Something else?
2024.05.21 14:56 Crazy-Concern8080 Hearts and Minds 4: When All is Said - (Part 5)
Even if you don’t speak the first time, just being with other people who can understand you will help.
First
Previous
You know the drill: credit to SpacePaladin15 for the universe.
Thank you JulianSkies for proofreading.
Memory Transcription Subject: Billy Marsh, Dirt
Date [Standardized Human Time]: March 29, 2142
Why the hell couldn’t I get rid of Gillab? I wanted him gone, he was ruining everything, and he is even technically trespassing in my house. I could easily get him removed with a simple nine-one-one call, so why couldn’t I just do it? Is there something else wrong with my head? Another problem I needed to deal with?
I wish I had some alcohol. Something to take my mind off of this. The memories were starting to come back more and more as well, last night was the worst sleep I have had in a while. The night terrors I once kept away with liquor had returned, something that scared Gillab half to death. He said that I was screaming bloody murder in my sleep, but just like every other time I’ve had a night terror, I couldn’t even remember a single detail.
But that didn’t matter now, what did was trying to give a decent first impression. I don’t know why, it’s not like I care, but I found myself wanting to look halfway presentable for the veterans’ meetup. Maybe I didn’t want others to waste their time worrying about me. Yeah, that was it. They shouldn’t need to worry about dirt like me. Still, I promised to ‘go through the motions,’ so here I was.
I didn’t really know how to describe the building, it almost looked like a warehouse. Short and wide, from the outside one would assume it was just another warehouse, but the inside had been turned into a community center. It was probably just another one of the overbuilt buildings that had been repurposed. There were tones of those around as architects and city planners would miscalculate how many of a certain type of building were needed. Many places were repurposed, this was just another.
I stopped at the door and looked over to Gillab. “This isn’t going to do anything. I’m just wasting time here.”
“No, you aren’t. Even if you don’t realize it, you are healing. Even just walking around outside of your house and eating a half-decent meal has helped, I can see that. You aren’t nearly as angry today as you were yesterday. Now go on, while you are doing this I’m going to run some errands for you. You need real food in your house.”
“Don’t bother, I don’t know how to cook.”
“Then we will learn. I don’t know how to cook Human food either. Kirala is the chef of the house.”
I thought to ask who Kirala was, but bit my tongue. I’m not supposed to care. “Whatever, I’m going in now.”
“See you soon Billy.”
I shut the door behind me and took stock of the room around me. It was a waiting area complete with inoffensive paintings and beige seats. At the opposite end of the room was a woman sitting behind a counter, typing away on a computer. Taking a deep breath, I walked up to talk to her.
“Hello, uhm, I’m here for the veterans’ group therapy session.”
“Oh course, that’ll be down that hall. Room number three, it should be on your left.”
I tried to stop bouncing my leg. “Thank you.”
I didn’t wait for a response and started down the hall, feeling a pit grow more and more in my stomach. What if this goes wrong? What if I just cause more problems? What if I ruin more people’s lives? What if I just make it worse?
I stopped in front of the door, my leg bouncing constantly. This was wrong, I shouldn’t be here. I’m unhelpable, I should just leave. Gillab said he was running errands, he wouldn’t even know that I skipped it.
The pit in my stomach began clearing as I turned away, but I couldn’t even take a single step before I stopped.
No, that’s wrong. I made a promise to Gillab, so I have to do this. Not for me, but for him. Even if I’m useless, I should still respect others.
But I could just lie, he wouldn’t know any better.
But what if he finds out?
Getting chewed out later is much easier than going through with this.
Isn’t this supposed to help though?
Do you think I deserve help?
Why… why shouldn’t I?
Because of what I’ve done. Who I've hurt. Who I have killed. The lives I have ruined trying to help them. If I was anything other than dirt, I could have saved so many more and ruined so few. Now stop stalling, and walk-
“Do you need help, sir?”
My heart plummeted and the bouncing immediately started. I turned around nervously, trying to form a single cohesive thought. A man was standing halfway in the doorway.
Don’t bother him, just say that I’m in the wrong spot.
“Uhh… N-”
My voice caught in my throat, almost causing me to cough.
“Y-yes. Is this the v-veterans’ therapy thing?”
Why did I say that?
The man stepped out of the doorway, a small smile now on his face. “Yep, this is it. You must be Billy, right? Charlotte told me that you were going to start showing up. I’m Richard, and yes, my friends call me Dick.”
Richard stuck out his hand. I stared at it for a split second before realizing I needed to shake it. As I did, I realized that it felt wrong. It was too tough to be a normal Human hand, it was almost like metal.
I looked up from the hand. “Y-you’re an amputee too?”
Richard smiled widely. “Sure am. Lost it on Sillis to an Arxur. I can see - feel - that you lost an arm as well.”
“Yeah… I’d prefer n-not to talk about it.”
Richard lost his smile, but not his courtesy. “I understand. I wasn’t able to even look at mine for a long time. Quite a few were just as unfortunate as us, a number of them come to these sessions as well. Would you like to step in? I was only going to leave to grab some refreshments.”
“S-sure. Yeah. I’ll find a seat.”
“Great, I’ll be right back.”
Richard departed for the end of the hall, leaving me standing awkwardly in front of the door. I could feel the pit begin to grow again and my leg started to bounce furiously.
Why did I say yes? Why did I say yes? Why did I say yes? Why did I say yes?
I’m in too deep now to back out, all I can do is go through the motions. It’s just motions. Just another step. One more breath. That’s all I have to do.
I stepped into the room, keeping my head lowered the entire time. There were three other people in the room, chatting idly with one another. Two Humans were chatting together, only briefly pausing to glance at me before starting right back up. The Venlil looked up from his phone and patted the seat next to himself, inviting me to sit next to him.
I sighed internally and made my way over, not wanting to set myself apart as the outcast. The Venlil watched me sit and only started talking when I was settled in. “Hi, I’m Tunek.”
I gave him a short nod, looked away, and realized I was supposed to give my own name. “I-I’m Billy.”
Tunek watched my hand for a moment, before leaning back in his chair. “So, is this your first time being at one of these?”
I nodded quickly. “Yes. I’m only here because of a friend.”
Tunek nodded. “Hey, as long as it gets you here. Just taking the first step is all it takes to start the journey. I stole that from Dick, but don’t tell him I said that.”
I nodded. “Sure.”
Tunek tilted his head in concern and moved to respond, but Richard returned just before he could speak. “Alright, I’m back with the waters and the snacks, why don’t we all grab one before we start?”
Everyone but me left their spot to grab something from the cooler that Richard brought back. The two Humans returned to their seats with some water and a cereal bar each, but Tunek hesitated when he started to return. He took a step, paused when he saw me, and turned back to grab another water and snack bar. He must have been hungry.
I looked down at myself as he walked back. Even if I was hungry, I didn’t deserve something to eat. My suffering was my punishment for what I had done and what I had failed to do. I don’t know why I’m here, I don’t deserve to get better. I’m just dirt, I should just-
“Here you go.”
I looked up to see Tunek handing me a bottle of water and a piece of fruit leather. Tentatively, I reached out and grabbed them. “How’d you know I was hungry?”
Tunek shrugged. “A hunch. It’s a little early for dinner and a bit after lunch and I figured I would be peckish around this time so you might be as well.”
I set the water bottle to the side and peeled open the fruit leather. “Thanks…”
“No problem.”
Richard took a sip of his water as I took my first bite, setting the bottle aside as he began to speak. “Alighty, now that everyone has something to keep them awake, I can start talking. As you might have noticed, we have a new member joining us today. So why don’t we all introduce ourselves? John, do you want to start with a name and a little about yourself?”
The man with short, brown-blonde hair sat up straight. “Sure, I’ll get this started. I’m John, I served the UN for four years before we made first contact, but only served for one after. I’m an only father, but I like to think that my wife is looking down from heaven trying to guide me. However, with how old Rachel is, it feels less like guiding and more strength-giving. Oh, and I hate the taste of lemons. I think that’s about it.”
The mention of lemons caused my stomach to tie itself in a knot. James always hated the taste of lemons. Just another reminder of how useless I am.
The man to the left of John smiled. “I guess it’s my turn. My name is Carter. I served the UN for three years until I was discharged for repeated disorderly conduct. I was in a bad spot for a while, but with the help of Dick here I got out of it. Well, start getting out of it. I still have some… flare-ups, but that’s why I’m here.”
Carter smiled, but it was sad. Tunek let him have his moment of silence, encouraging the veteran to be with his emotions for a moment, before starting his own introduction. “Well, I guess you already know my name, but for the sake of completion, I’ll say it again. I’m Tunek. I served the Venlil Space Force for around one Earth year before first contact, where I served with the UN until the conflict with the Yulpa on Grenelka. I… well… after that I couldn’t serve anymore. Something else… I’ve always wanted to learn how to play an instrument properly, but never had the drive to do it. That’s about it for me. Dick, since you were so kind to leave yourself for last, I think it’s your turn.”
Richard chuckled. “Yeah, I guess it is. Well, like I said earlier, my name is Richard, but don’t be afraid to call me Dick. I come from a military family and have always known the dangers of signing up, but that didn’t stop me. I didn’t realize that the war was affecting me until Milieu. Then and there I knew what needed to be done. Once the war was over, I went straight to work creating this.”
Richard paused for a moment to catch his breath. ”I knew that therapists were going to be swamped and many veterans were going to be left behind, so I took what little experience and knowledge I had with my military family and used it to help as many as I could. So now I meet with tons of veterans throughout the week to help them adjust to civilian life and overcome their internal struggles. I’m glad that you have joined us today and hope that we give a good first impression.”
I wasn’t ready for him to stop talking and scrambled to get my words out. “Y-yeah. So far everyone seems nice.”
“Well, if it’s good for you then it’s good for me. With that all out of the way, why don’t we jump right in? I’m not the type to beat around the bush. Let’s start with a simple recap of the week. How have you all been this last week? Any wins, losses, jumps, or setbacks? Remember, there’s no judgment here. We are all suffering together, but we heal together as well.”
The room was silent for a moment, everyone looking for someone else to start the chain, before Carter spoke up. “I guess I’ll go first, if you’ll let me.”
Richard sat down. “Of course Carter, whenever you are ready.”
Carter nodded and propped himself up on his elbows. “I, uh… I had another meltdown, on Wednesday. It came out of nowhere. Happened in the middle of the supermarket, I thought I was… I managed to make it home in time before it really started, but just barely. I was hardly in my room before I started bawling. I… I feel so alone sometimes. I can be in the middle of the supermarket and feel like I’ve been stranded on an island alone f-for years. I m-miss them so much. Y-you all have made it easier, but sometimes… Sometimes it’s too much.”
John placed a hand on Carter’s back and Richard offered a concerned look. “If you ever feel like that, feel free to call me.”
Carter sniffled and wiped away a forming tear. “I know, I know. You’ve told me before, and I almost did, but I thought that you wouldn’t need me bothering you in the middle of the day.”
“Carter, you know I would drop anything to come to your help. Only me dying could stop me.”
Carter leaned back in his chair and laughed even as he wiped away another tear. “Thank you, Dick, but please don’t go dying. You’re too nice for that.”
Richard smiled. “I don’t plan on it anytime soon, Carter. I still have so many more people to help.”
After a moment of silence, John took the initiative and started his own story. “I had a pretty big win this last week. I finally made it through a whole week without having suicidal thoughts.”
Richard smiled widely. “That's wonderful! I told you that you were making progress.”
“I know, but sometimes I feel like I have no purpose anymore. It’s overwhelming. My daughter is old enough to care for herself, I’m only working a menial labor job, I can’t find any hobbies to enjoy… I feel like nothing.”
“But you aren’t ‘nothing,’ you are you. And there is only one of you. I can’t go out and find another John, or another Carter, or Tunek, or Billy. You are all unique, and losing you would be a tragedy.”
Before I could stop myself, I spoke. “Am I really worth saving?”
Everyone went silent for a moment, caught off guard by my words. After Richard deciphered the sudden question, he gave a response with absolute certainty. “Absolutely. There is nothing in this world that can’t be forgiven or overcome.”
“Are you sure? After the things I’ve done… forget I said anything.”
Richard shook his head. “I can’t do that, Billy. I can’t willingly ignore someone in need.”
“I don’t need help. I’m getting exactly what I deserve for what I have done.”
“And what have you done?”
“I… I don’t want to talk about it.”
Richard sighed. “That’s okay, for now. Eventually, you will have to come to terms with it, but for now, you can just listen if you want to.”
“Yeah. I think I’m just going to listen.”
I leaned back and crossed my arms, letting Tunek speak his mind. “I think I know what you are going through. Not the specifics, but I think I can get a general idea.”
“No, I don’t think you do.”
Tunek was silent for a moment, before looking away from me and speaking. “I was on the Cradle when it fell, and on Sillis when the Arxur raided it, and on Milieu fighting off the Kolshians. I tried to save as many people as I could, but in the end, I could only make their passing less painful. I couldn’t even save my partner. I froze in the moment. I could have saved him. But I was frozen in fear. His death is entirely on my shoulders. I’m still fighting that to this day.”
I stared at Tunek for a second, before turning away and sighing. They didn’t know what I was going through, no one could. They didn’t know my crimes, if they did they would kick me out. Their problems, no matter how real, were nothing compared to mine. They still could be helped, I couldn’t.
Could I? If all these people could heal, why couldn’t I?
Because my crimes are too severe.
I… yeah…
submitted by Crazy-Concern8080 to NatureofPredators [link] [comments]
First
Previous
You know the drill: credit to SpacePaladin15 for the universe.
Thank you JulianSkies for proofreading.
Date [Standardized Human Time]: March 29, 2142
Why the hell couldn’t I get rid of Gillab? I wanted him gone, he was ruining everything, and he is even technically trespassing in my house. I could easily get him removed with a simple nine-one-one call, so why couldn’t I just do it? Is there something else wrong with my head? Another problem I needed to deal with?
I wish I had some alcohol. Something to take my mind off of this. The memories were starting to come back more and more as well, last night was the worst sleep I have had in a while. The night terrors I once kept away with liquor had returned, something that scared Gillab half to death. He said that I was screaming bloody murder in my sleep, but just like every other time I’ve had a night terror, I couldn’t even remember a single detail.
But that didn’t matter now, what did was trying to give a decent first impression. I don’t know why, it’s not like I care, but I found myself wanting to look halfway presentable for the veterans’ meetup. Maybe I didn’t want others to waste their time worrying about me. Yeah, that was it. They shouldn’t need to worry about dirt like me. Still, I promised to ‘go through the motions,’ so here I was.
I didn’t really know how to describe the building, it almost looked like a warehouse. Short and wide, from the outside one would assume it was just another warehouse, but the inside had been turned into a community center. It was probably just another one of the overbuilt buildings that had been repurposed. There were tones of those around as architects and city planners would miscalculate how many of a certain type of building were needed. Many places were repurposed, this was just another.
I stopped at the door and looked over to Gillab. “This isn’t going to do anything. I’m just wasting time here.”
“No, you aren’t. Even if you don’t realize it, you are healing. Even just walking around outside of your house and eating a half-decent meal has helped, I can see that. You aren’t nearly as angry today as you were yesterday. Now go on, while you are doing this I’m going to run some errands for you. You need real food in your house.”
“Don’t bother, I don’t know how to cook.”
“Then we will learn. I don’t know how to cook Human food either. Kirala is the chef of the house.”
I thought to ask who Kirala was, but bit my tongue. I’m not supposed to care. “Whatever, I’m going in now.”
“See you soon Billy.”
I shut the door behind me and took stock of the room around me. It was a waiting area complete with inoffensive paintings and beige seats. At the opposite end of the room was a woman sitting behind a counter, typing away on a computer. Taking a deep breath, I walked up to talk to her.
“Hello, uhm, I’m here for the veterans’ group therapy session.”
“Oh course, that’ll be down that hall. Room number three, it should be on your left.”
I tried to stop bouncing my leg. “Thank you.”
I didn’t wait for a response and started down the hall, feeling a pit grow more and more in my stomach. What if this goes wrong? What if I just cause more problems? What if I ruin more people’s lives? What if I just make it worse?
I stopped in front of the door, my leg bouncing constantly. This was wrong, I shouldn’t be here. I’m unhelpable, I should just leave. Gillab said he was running errands, he wouldn’t even know that I skipped it.
The pit in my stomach began clearing as I turned away, but I couldn’t even take a single step before I stopped.
No, that’s wrong. I made a promise to Gillab, so I have to do this. Not for me, but for him. Even if I’m useless, I should still respect others.
But I could just lie, he wouldn’t know any better.
But what if he finds out?
Getting chewed out later is much easier than going through with this.
Isn’t this supposed to help though?
Do you think I deserve help?
Why… why shouldn’t I?
Because of what I’ve done. Who I've hurt. Who I have killed. The lives I have ruined trying to help them. If I was anything other than dirt, I could have saved so many more and ruined so few. Now stop stalling, and walk-
“Do you need help, sir?”
My heart plummeted and the bouncing immediately started. I turned around nervously, trying to form a single cohesive thought. A man was standing halfway in the doorway.
Don’t bother him, just say that I’m in the wrong spot.
“Uhh… N-”
My voice caught in my throat, almost causing me to cough.
“Y-yes. Is this the v-veterans’ therapy thing?”
Why did I say that?
The man stepped out of the doorway, a small smile now on his face. “Yep, this is it. You must be Billy, right? Charlotte told me that you were going to start showing up. I’m Richard, and yes, my friends call me Dick.”
Richard stuck out his hand. I stared at it for a split second before realizing I needed to shake it. As I did, I realized that it felt wrong. It was too tough to be a normal Human hand, it was almost like metal.
I looked up from the hand. “Y-you’re an amputee too?”
Richard smiled widely. “Sure am. Lost it on Sillis to an Arxur. I can see - feel - that you lost an arm as well.”
“Yeah… I’d prefer n-not to talk about it.”
Richard lost his smile, but not his courtesy. “I understand. I wasn’t able to even look at mine for a long time. Quite a few were just as unfortunate as us, a number of them come to these sessions as well. Would you like to step in? I was only going to leave to grab some refreshments.”
“S-sure. Yeah. I’ll find a seat.”
“Great, I’ll be right back.”
Richard departed for the end of the hall, leaving me standing awkwardly in front of the door. I could feel the pit begin to grow again and my leg started to bounce furiously.
Why did I say yes? Why did I say yes? Why did I say yes? Why did I say yes?
I’m in too deep now to back out, all I can do is go through the motions. It’s just motions. Just another step. One more breath. That’s all I have to do.
I stepped into the room, keeping my head lowered the entire time. There were three other people in the room, chatting idly with one another. Two Humans were chatting together, only briefly pausing to glance at me before starting right back up. The Venlil looked up from his phone and patted the seat next to himself, inviting me to sit next to him.
I sighed internally and made my way over, not wanting to set myself apart as the outcast. The Venlil watched me sit and only started talking when I was settled in. “Hi, I’m Tunek.”
I gave him a short nod, looked away, and realized I was supposed to give my own name. “I-I’m Billy.”
Tunek watched my hand for a moment, before leaning back in his chair. “So, is this your first time being at one of these?”
I nodded quickly. “Yes. I’m only here because of a friend.”
Tunek nodded. “Hey, as long as it gets you here. Just taking the first step is all it takes to start the journey. I stole that from Dick, but don’t tell him I said that.”
I nodded. “Sure.”
Tunek tilted his head in concern and moved to respond, but Richard returned just before he could speak. “Alright, I’m back with the waters and the snacks, why don’t we all grab one before we start?”
Everyone but me left their spot to grab something from the cooler that Richard brought back. The two Humans returned to their seats with some water and a cereal bar each, but Tunek hesitated when he started to return. He took a step, paused when he saw me, and turned back to grab another water and snack bar. He must have been hungry.
I looked down at myself as he walked back. Even if I was hungry, I didn’t deserve something to eat. My suffering was my punishment for what I had done and what I had failed to do. I don’t know why I’m here, I don’t deserve to get better. I’m just dirt, I should just-
“Here you go.”
I looked up to see Tunek handing me a bottle of water and a piece of fruit leather. Tentatively, I reached out and grabbed them. “How’d you know I was hungry?”
Tunek shrugged. “A hunch. It’s a little early for dinner and a bit after lunch and I figured I would be peckish around this time so you might be as well.”
I set the water bottle to the side and peeled open the fruit leather. “Thanks…”
“No problem.”
Richard took a sip of his water as I took my first bite, setting the bottle aside as he began to speak. “Alighty, now that everyone has something to keep them awake, I can start talking. As you might have noticed, we have a new member joining us today. So why don’t we all introduce ourselves? John, do you want to start with a name and a little about yourself?”
The man with short, brown-blonde hair sat up straight. “Sure, I’ll get this started. I’m John, I served the UN for four years before we made first contact, but only served for one after. I’m an only father, but I like to think that my wife is looking down from heaven trying to guide me. However, with how old Rachel is, it feels less like guiding and more strength-giving. Oh, and I hate the taste of lemons. I think that’s about it.”
The mention of lemons caused my stomach to tie itself in a knot. James always hated the taste of lemons. Just another reminder of how useless I am.
The man to the left of John smiled. “I guess it’s my turn. My name is Carter. I served the UN for three years until I was discharged for repeated disorderly conduct. I was in a bad spot for a while, but with the help of Dick here I got out of it. Well, start getting out of it. I still have some… flare-ups, but that’s why I’m here.”
Carter smiled, but it was sad. Tunek let him have his moment of silence, encouraging the veteran to be with his emotions for a moment, before starting his own introduction. “Well, I guess you already know my name, but for the sake of completion, I’ll say it again. I’m Tunek. I served the Venlil Space Force for around one Earth year before first contact, where I served with the UN until the conflict with the Yulpa on Grenelka. I… well… after that I couldn’t serve anymore. Something else… I’ve always wanted to learn how to play an instrument properly, but never had the drive to do it. That’s about it for me. Dick, since you were so kind to leave yourself for last, I think it’s your turn.”
Richard chuckled. “Yeah, I guess it is. Well, like I said earlier, my name is Richard, but don’t be afraid to call me Dick. I come from a military family and have always known the dangers of signing up, but that didn’t stop me. I didn’t realize that the war was affecting me until Milieu. Then and there I knew what needed to be done. Once the war was over, I went straight to work creating this.”
Richard paused for a moment to catch his breath. ”I knew that therapists were going to be swamped and many veterans were going to be left behind, so I took what little experience and knowledge I had with my military family and used it to help as many as I could. So now I meet with tons of veterans throughout the week to help them adjust to civilian life and overcome their internal struggles. I’m glad that you have joined us today and hope that we give a good first impression.”
I wasn’t ready for him to stop talking and scrambled to get my words out. “Y-yeah. So far everyone seems nice.”
“Well, if it’s good for you then it’s good for me. With that all out of the way, why don’t we jump right in? I’m not the type to beat around the bush. Let’s start with a simple recap of the week. How have you all been this last week? Any wins, losses, jumps, or setbacks? Remember, there’s no judgment here. We are all suffering together, but we heal together as well.”
The room was silent for a moment, everyone looking for someone else to start the chain, before Carter spoke up. “I guess I’ll go first, if you’ll let me.”
Richard sat down. “Of course Carter, whenever you are ready.”
Carter nodded and propped himself up on his elbows. “I, uh… I had another meltdown, on Wednesday. It came out of nowhere. Happened in the middle of the supermarket, I thought I was… I managed to make it home in time before it really started, but just barely. I was hardly in my room before I started bawling. I… I feel so alone sometimes. I can be in the middle of the supermarket and feel like I’ve been stranded on an island alone f-for years. I m-miss them so much. Y-you all have made it easier, but sometimes… Sometimes it’s too much.”
John placed a hand on Carter’s back and Richard offered a concerned look. “If you ever feel like that, feel free to call me.”
Carter sniffled and wiped away a forming tear. “I know, I know. You’ve told me before, and I almost did, but I thought that you wouldn’t need me bothering you in the middle of the day.”
“Carter, you know I would drop anything to come to your help. Only me dying could stop me.”
Carter leaned back in his chair and laughed even as he wiped away another tear. “Thank you, Dick, but please don’t go dying. You’re too nice for that.”
Richard smiled. “I don’t plan on it anytime soon, Carter. I still have so many more people to help.”
After a moment of silence, John took the initiative and started his own story. “I had a pretty big win this last week. I finally made it through a whole week without having suicidal thoughts.”
Richard smiled widely. “That's wonderful! I told you that you were making progress.”
“I know, but sometimes I feel like I have no purpose anymore. It’s overwhelming. My daughter is old enough to care for herself, I’m only working a menial labor job, I can’t find any hobbies to enjoy… I feel like nothing.”
“But you aren’t ‘nothing,’ you are you. And there is only one of you. I can’t go out and find another John, or another Carter, or Tunek, or Billy. You are all unique, and losing you would be a tragedy.”
Before I could stop myself, I spoke. “Am I really worth saving?”
Everyone went silent for a moment, caught off guard by my words. After Richard deciphered the sudden question, he gave a response with absolute certainty. “Absolutely. There is nothing in this world that can’t be forgiven or overcome.”
“Are you sure? After the things I’ve done… forget I said anything.”
Richard shook his head. “I can’t do that, Billy. I can’t willingly ignore someone in need.”
“I don’t need help. I’m getting exactly what I deserve for what I have done.”
“And what have you done?”
“I… I don’t want to talk about it.”
Richard sighed. “That’s okay, for now. Eventually, you will have to come to terms with it, but for now, you can just listen if you want to.”
“Yeah. I think I’m just going to listen.”
I leaned back and crossed my arms, letting Tunek speak his mind. “I think I know what you are going through. Not the specifics, but I think I can get a general idea.”
“No, I don’t think you do.”
Tunek was silent for a moment, before looking away from me and speaking. “I was on the Cradle when it fell, and on Sillis when the Arxur raided it, and on Milieu fighting off the Kolshians. I tried to save as many people as I could, but in the end, I could only make their passing less painful. I couldn’t even save my partner. I froze in the moment. I could have saved him. But I was frozen in fear. His death is entirely on my shoulders. I’m still fighting that to this day.”
I stared at Tunek for a second, before turning away and sighing. They didn’t know what I was going through, no one could. They didn’t know my crimes, if they did they would kick me out. Their problems, no matter how real, were nothing compared to mine. They still could be helped, I couldn’t.
Could I? If all these people could heal, why couldn’t I?
Because my crimes are too severe.
I… yeah…
2024.05.21 14:52 lazymentors What a week in advertising: CTV AdTech, Reddit AI & $2.5M Spam Marketing fine.
Top 6 Updates of last Week:
- After Google, OpenAI enters a new data + advertising partnership with Reddit.
- Google rolls out AI overviews in US with planned expansion in more countries.
- Threads App is testing pinned columns on web, Tweetdeck 2.0.
- Youtube expands Creator Takeover ad format and shares new details into CTV growth.
- OpenAI launched GPT-4o, adding AI voice assistant and other improvements.
- Netflix plans to launch In-house ad tech platform with their ad audience growing to 40M in Q1.
Trending
- Pinterest and Real Simple, a lifestyle magazine partner to launch the first shoppable magazine issue.
- e.l.f. Beauty’s latest campaign ‘So Many Dicks’ campaign touches on points made in the last newsletter, diversity in boardrooms is rare.
- Reddit is bringing back Awards program, nice.
- Amazon shared strong ad viewership numbers and other content updates at Upfront.
- Microsoft’s AI developments have caused their carbon emissions to jump 30%.
- Warner Bros. Discovery launches new ad products and shares new subscriber growth.
- Nielsen ranks top media companies, First Convergent TV Comparison of its kind.
- Bumble apologies for Celibacy billboards and apologises to all users.
- ASDA launches new brand identity as part of its summer campaign- Serious about Summer.
- TripleLift & Amazon’s partnership to expand ad business beyond amazon’s own websites.
- Expedia launches travel media network and new AI features.
- McDonald’s new launch; Grandma McFlurry meanwhile Gen-X is still waiting for repersentation.
- Delivereasy’s new ad campaign is funny and worthy of a long-term run.
- Dentsu’s new global brand proposition; Innovating to Impacting.
- Disney, Fox and WBD unveiled name of Sports-Streaming Venture: Venu Sports.
- Pizza Hut Australia fined $2.5 million for spam marketing.
- Snapchat shares new insights on improving ad campaign performance with 3Es.
TikTok 🎶
- TikTok is now testing 60-minute video uploads, What?
- IKEA to run a Pet Shopping Network for a TikTok Livestream.
- TikTok is testing addition of AI-generated search results.
- TikTok released new playbook for Beauty businesses.
- Frank McCourt offers to buy TikTok from ByteDance.
Instagram & Threads 🗂️
- Instagram expands creator marketplace to new regions
- Instagram’s new BeReal-like feature ‘Peek’ in testing.
- Threads launched its fact-checking program.
- Threads launches recent tab for search function.
- Instagram is testing option to add notes on posts and reels.
- Creators aren’t happy with Instagram’s AI bot suggestions.
- Instagram launches new creator interview series.
- Notify sticker is now available for IG Reels.
- Instagram testing ability to create public reels playlist.
Meta 😅
- Meta hit with new EU probe for having additive algorithms harming children and teens.
- Meta to shut down Workplace its enterprise workspace platform.
- Meta launches travel mode for Quest 2 & 3.
- Meta’s Oversight Board receives first case from Threads is here, involving Japanese PM.
- Meta is exploring AI-Assisted Earphones with Cameras.
- WhatsApp redesigns drawing editor for beta testers.
X (Twitter) 🕹️
- X’s Gork AI expands to EU users.
- X’s Takeover Ads get improved spotlight takeover with commentary and shop feed.
- WNBA is coming to X with new content partnership.
- X completes the website transition from twitter to x dot com.
- X updates communities feature to increase user adoption.
Youtube 🕹️
- YouTube CEO shares, It’s Time for the Emmys to Embrace Creators.
- Youtube gets branded QR codes to improve CTV Ad conversion.
Google 🔦
- Google adds two new crawlers: GoogleOther-Image and GoogleOther-Video.
- Google shares video pages need to be super obvious to be shown in Video Tab.
- Google Search launches ‘Web’ filter with only text-based links.
- Google rolling out new restrictions for suspended ad accounts.
- Ad format preferences now available for Demand Gen campaigns.
- How publishers are removing their content from Google’s AI overviews.
- AI Ad summaries are now available in Google Ads.
Agency News
- GAP Inc. appoints Omnicom as Media AOR.
- Esusu appoints David&Goliath as Agency of Record.
- Athletic Brewing Company names Wpromote Media AOR.
- Kenvue hires FCB and BBDO to run creative account.
- HEINEKEN appoints Blue Yonder to improve Demand Planning.
- STOP&SHOP names Curiosity as creative AOR.
- Moore named Primary Direct Response Agency for Nationwide Children’s Hospital Foundation.
- M&C Saatchi Sport & Entertainment wins Dometic as New Global Client.
- Mother hires creative directors from Droga5 NY and Adam&eveDDB.
- Gallo appoints VaynerMedia LA as lead creative agency for Barefoot Wine.
- L’ELOI announces major roster expansion.
- Mazda Canada names FCB/SIX CRM Agency of Record.
- Canadian Blood Services appoint Diamond as Agency of Record.
- Cricket Australia hires Special, Independent creative agency.
AI 🤨
- ChatGPT announces improvements to data analysis.
- A Recap of AI features announced at Google I/O Event.
- Deloitte Digital launches AI-powered content tool for marketers.
- Google still hasn’t fixed Gemini’s biased image generator.
- Snowflake in talks to buy Reka AI for $1 Billion.
- Sony Music warns AI developers not to use its content for training.
- Anthropic hires IG Co-founder as head of product.
- Claude AI is now available across Europe.
- OpenAI disbanded their team focused on long-term risk of AI.
Reddit & Snapchat
- Reddit launches 5 new features to improve AMA (Ask Me Anything) posts.
- Snapchat partners with Scope3 to launch carbon emission tracking for Snap Ads.
- Snapchat announces new partnership with Datahash to improve performance via CAPI.
- Reddit hires new VP of Ads Product, Jyoti Vaidee.
Microsoft & LinkedIn
- EU warns Microsoft it could be fined billions over missing GenAI risk info.
- Sainsbury’s and Microsoft announce five-year AI partnership.
- LinkedIn adds Unique View Count for post analytics.
Marketing & AdTech
- Broadsign acquires OutMoove, Netherlands-based DOOH DSP.
- Twitch announces new Partner Discords
- Politico launches its first consumer registration wall.
- Havas acquires Liquid to enhance E-commerce and Retail Media Expertise.
- DEPT and BIGR Social are launching a new Automated Social Media Management Platform.
- QR codes aren’t out yet, Innocent drink’s OOH campaign success.
- Commercial TV networks spent $1.67 billion on Australian Programs.
- Streaming is Cable: Comcast to launch Peacock, Netflix and Apple TV+ bundle.
- Advertiser trust in Google continues to go downhill, here’s what experts believe.
- Yahoo tests Google’s post-cookie ad platform.
- GoPuff’s ‘Ozempic Week’ ad campaign backfires on social media.
- NCM Teams with Nerds for On-screen Holographic Cinema Campaign.
- Asperity launches composable ‘Lakehouse’ CDP.
2024.05.21 14:50 lazymentors What a week in marketing: GPT4o, AI overviews, Netflix vs Amazon + Reddit’s AI sellout
Top 6 Updates of last Week:
- After Google, OpenAI enters a new data + advertising partnership with Reddit.
- Google rolls out AI overviews in US with planned expansion in more countries.
- Threads App is testing pinned columns on web, Tweetdeck 2.0.
- Youtube expands Creator Takeover ad format and shares new details into CTV growth.
- OpenAI launched GPT-4o, adding AI voice assistant and other improvements.
- Netflix plans to launch In-house ad tech platform with their ad audience growing to 40M in Q1.
Trending
- Pinterest and Real Simple, a lifestyle magazine partner to launch the first shoppable magazine issue.
- e.l.f. Beauty’s latest campaign ‘So Many Dicks’ campaign touches on points made in the last newsletter, diversity in boardrooms is rare.
- Reddit is bringing back Awards program, nice.
- Amazon shared strong ad viewership numbers and other content updates at Upfront.
- Microsoft’s AI developments have caused their carbon emissions to jump 30%.
- Warner Bros. Discovery launches new ad products and shares new subscriber growth.
- Nielsen ranks top media companies, First Convergent TV Comparison of its kind.
- Bumble apologies for Celibacy billboards and apologises to all users.
- ASDA launches new brand identity as part of its summer campaign- Serious about Summer.
- TripleLift & Amazon’s partnership to expand ad business beyond amazon’s own websites.
- Expedia launches travel media network and new AI features.
- McDonald’s new launch; Grandma McFlurry meanwhile Gen-X is still waiting for repersentation.
- Delivereasy’s new ad campaign is funny and worthy of a long-term run.
- Dentsu’s new global brand proposition; Innovating to Impacting.
- Disney, Fox and WBD unveiled name of Sports-Streaming Venture: Venu Sports.
- Pizza Hut Australia fined $2.5 million for spam marketing.
- Snapchat shares new insights on improving ad campaign performance with 3Es.
TikTok 🎶
- TikTok is now testing 60-minute video uploads, What?
- TikTok shares new insights into #FinTok (Finance) in Canada.
- IKEA to run a Pet Shopping Network for a TikTok Livestream.
- TikTok is testing addition of AI-generated search results.
- TikTok released new playbook for Beauty businesses.
- Frank McCourt offers to buy TikTok from ByteDance.
Instagram & Threads 🗂️
- Instagram expands creator marketplace to new regions
- Instagram’s new BeReal-like feature ‘Peek’ in testing.
- Threads launched its fact-checking program.
- Threads launches recent tab for search function.
- Instagram is testing option to add notes on posts and reels.
- Creators aren’t happy with Instagram’s AI bot suggestions.
- Instagram launches new creator interview series.
- Notify sticker is now available for IG Reels.
- Instagram testing ability to create public reels playlist.
Meta 😅
- Meta hit with new EU probe for having additive algorithms harming children and teens.
- Meta to shut down Workplace its enterprise workspace platform.
- Meta launches travel mode for Quest 2 & 3.
- Meta’s Oversight Board receives first case from Threads is here, involving Japanese PM.
- Meta is exploring AI-Assisted Earphones with Cameras.
- WhatsApp redesigns drawing editor for beta testers.
X (Twitter) 🕹️
- X’s Gork AI expands to EU users.
- X’s Takeover Ads get improved spotlight takeover with commentary and shop feed.
- WNBA is coming to X with new content partnership.
- X completes the website transition from twitter to x dot com.
- X updates communities feature to increase user adoption.
Youtube 🕹️
- YouTube CEO shares, It’s Time for the Emmys to Embrace Creators.
- Youtube gets branded QR codes to improve CTV Ad conversion.
Google 🔦
- Google adds two new crawlers: GoogleOther-Image and GoogleOther-Video.
- Google shares video pages need to be super obvious to be shown in Video Tab.
- Google Search launches ‘Web’ filter with only text-based links.
- Google rolling out new restrictions for suspended ad accounts.
- Ad format preferences now available for Demand Gen campaigns.
- How publishers are removing their content from Google’s AI overviews.
- AI Ad summaries are now available in Google Ads.
Agency News
- GAP Inc. appoints Omnicom as Media AOR.
- Esusu appoints David&Goliath as Agency of Record.
- Athletic Brewing Company names Wpromote Media AOR.
- Kenvue hires FCB and BBDO to run creative account.
- HEINEKEN appoints Blue Yonder to improve Demand Planning.
- STOP&SHOP names Curiosity as creative AOR.
- Moore named Primary Direct Response Agency for Nationwide Children’s Hospital Foundation.
- M&C Saatchi Sport & Entertainment wins Dometic as New Global Client.
- Mother hires creative directors from Droga5 NY and Adam&eveDDB.
- Gallo appoints VaynerMedia LA as lead creative agency for Barefoot Wine.
- L’ELOI announces major roster expansion.
- Mazda Canada names FCB/SIX CRM Agency of Record.
- Canadian Blood Services appoint Diamond as Agency of Record.
- Cricket Australia hires Special, Independent creative agency.
AI 🤨
- ChatGPT announces improvements to data analysis.
- A Recap of AI features announced at Google I/O Event.
- Deloitte Digital launches AI-powered content tool for marketers.
- Google still hasn’t fixed Gemini’s biased image generator.
- Snowflake in talks to buy Reka AI for $1 Billion.
- Sony Music warns AI developers not to use its content for training.
- Anthropic hires IG Co-founder as head of product.
- Claude AI is now available across Europe.
- OpenAI disbanded their team focused on long-term risk of AI.
Reddit & Snapchat
- Reddit launches 5 new features to improve AMA (Ask Me Anything) posts.
- Snapchat partners with Scope3 to launch carbon emission tracking for Snap Ads.
- Snapchat announces new partnership with Datahash to improve performance via CAPI.
- Reddit hires new VP of Ads Product, Jyoti Vaidee.
Microsoft & LinkedIn
- EU warns Microsoft it could be fined billions over missing GenAI risk info.
- Sainsbury’s and Microsoft announce five-year AI partnership.
- LinkedIn adds Unique View Count for post analytics.
Marketing & AdTech
- Broadsign acquires OutMoove, Netherlands-based DOOH DSP.
- Twitch announces new Partner Discords
- Politico launches its first consumer registration wall.
- Havas acquires Liquid to enhance E-commerce and Retail Media Expertise.
- DEPT and BIGR Social are launching a new Automated Social Media Management Platform.
- QR codes aren’t out yet, Innocent drink’s OOH campaign success.
- Commercial TV networks spent $1.67 billion on Australian Programs.
- Streaming is Cable: Comcast to launch Peacock, Netflix and Apple TV+ bundle.
- Advertiser trust in Google continues to go downhill, here’s what experts believe.
- Yahoo tests Google’s post-cookie ad platform.
- GoPuff’s ‘Ozempic Week’ ad campaign backfires on social media.
- NCM Teams with Nerds for On-screen Holographic Cinema Campaign.
- Asperity launches composable ‘Lakehouse’ CDP.
2024.05.21 14:50 fligglebits What is happening to my grape vines?
 | First time trying to grow grapes, planted 2 vines lasted year and this year as they've just started to flower this past week or so these spots keep popping up. Looks like a cut and the vine has swollen and turned a reddish color around it. Inside looks brown and rotted? I havent noticed any insects on them in the day time and I can't for the life of me find anything similar online. I trimmed off the first few I noticed and more were on other parts of the vine the next day. The rest of the vine and leaves seem healthy from what I can tell. I'm guessing some kind of night-time pest that I'm just not around to see? Im in the north eastern US zone 6b Any input or advice is greatly appreciated! submitted by fligglebits to gardening [link] [comments] |
2024.05.21 14:48 lazymentors What a week in marketing: GPT4o, AI overviews, Netflix vs Amazon + Reddit’s AI sellout
Top 6 Updates of last Week:
- After Google, OpenAI enters a new data + advertising partnership with Reddit.
- Google rolls out AI overviews in US with planned expansion in more countries.
- Threads App is testing pinned columns on web, Tweetdeck 2.0.
- Youtube expands Creator Takeover ad format and shares new details into CTV growth.
- OpenAI launched GPT-4o, adding AI voice assistant and other improvements.
- Netflix plans to launch In-house ad tech platform with their ad audience growing to 40M in Q1.
Trending
- Pinterest and Real Simple, a lifestyle magazine partner to launch the first shoppable magazine issue.
- e.l.f. Beauty’s latest campaign ‘So Many Dicks’ campaign touches on points made in the last newsletter, diversity in boardrooms is rare.
- Reddit is bringing back Awards program, nice.
- Amazon shared strong ad viewership numbers and other content updates at Upfront.
- Microsoft’s AI developments have caused their carbon emissions to jump 30%.
- Warner Bros. Discovery launches new ad products and shares new subscriber growth.
- Nielsen ranks top media companies, First Convergent TV Comparison of its kind.
- Bumble apologies for Celibacy billboards and apologises to all users.
- ASDA launches new brand identity as part of its summer campaign- Serious about Summer.
- TripleLift & Amazon’s partnership to expand ad business beyond amazon’s own websites.
- Expedia launches travel media network and new AI features.
- McDonald’s new launch; Grandma McFlurry meanwhile Gen-X is still waiting for repersentation.
- Delivereasy’s new ad campaign is funny and worthy of a long-term run.
- Dentsu’s new global brand proposition; Innovating to Impacting.
- Disney, Fox and WBD unveiled name of Sports-Streaming Venture: Venu Sports.
- Pizza Hut Australia fined $2.5 million for spam marketing.
- Snapchat shares new insights on improving ad campaign performance with 3Es.
TikTok 🎶
- TikTok is now testing 60-minute video uploads, What?
- TikTok shares new insights into #FinTok (Finance) in Canada.
- IKEA to run a Pet Shopping Network for a TikTok Livestream.
- TikTok is testing addition of AI-generated search results.
- TikTok released new playbook for Beauty businesses.
- Frank McCourt offers to buy TikTok from ByteDance.
Instagram & Threads 🗂️
- Instagram expands creator marketplace to new regions
- Instagram’s new BeReal-like feature ‘Peek’ in testing.
- Threads launched its fact-checking program.
- Threads launches recent tab for search function.
- Instagram is testing option to add notes on posts and reels.
- Creators aren’t happy with Instagram’s AI bot suggestions.
- Instagram launches new creator interview series.
- Notify sticker is now available for IG Reels.
- Instagram testing ability to create public reels playlist.
Meta 😅
- Meta hit with new EU probe for having additive algorithms harming children and teens.
- Meta to shut down Workplace its enterprise workspace platform.
- Meta launches travel mode for Quest 2 & 3.
- Meta’s Oversight Board receives first case from Threads is here, involving Japanese PM.
- Meta is exploring AI-Assisted Earphones with Cameras.
- WhatsApp redesigns drawing editor for beta testers.
X (Twitter) 🕹️
- X’s Gork AI expands to EU users.
- X’s Takeover Ads get improved spotlight takeover with commentary and shop feed.
- WNBA is coming to X with new content partnership.
- X completes the website transition from twitter to x dot com.
- X updates communities feature to increase user adoption.
Youtube 🕹️
- YouTube CEO shares, It’s Time for the Emmys to Embrace Creators.
- Youtube gets branded QR codes to improve CTV Ad conversion.
Google 🔦
- Google adds two new crawlers: GoogleOther-Image and GoogleOther-Video.
- Google shares video pages need to be super obvious to be shown in Video Tab.
- Google Search launches ‘Web’ filter with only text-based links.
- Google rolling out new restrictions for suspended ad accounts.
- Ad format preferences now available for Demand Gen campaigns.
- How publishers are removing their content from Google’s AI overviews.
- AI Ad summaries are now available in Google Ads.
Agency News
- GAP Inc. appoints Omnicom as Media AOR.
- Esusu appoints David&Goliath as Agency of Record.
- Athletic Brewing Company names Wpromote Media AOR.
- Kenvue hires FCB and BBDO to run creative account.
- HEINEKEN appoints Blue Yonder to improve Demand Planning.
- STOP&SHOP names Curiosity as creative AOR.
- Moore named Primary Direct Response Agency for Nationwide Children’s Hospital Foundation.
- M&C Saatchi Sport & Entertainment wins Dometic as New Global Client.
- Mother hires creative directors from Droga5 NY and Adam&eveDDB.
- Gallo appoints VaynerMedia LA as lead creative agency for Barefoot Wine.
- L’ELOI announces major roster expansion.
- Mazda Canada names FCB/SIX CRM Agency of Record.
- Canadian Blood Services appoint Diamond as Agency of Record.
- Cricket Australia hires Special, Independent creative agency.
AI 🤨
- ChatGPT announces improvements to data analysis.
- A Recap of AI features announced at Google I/O Event.
- Deloitte Digital launches AI-powered content tool for marketers.
- Google still hasn’t fixed Gemini’s biased image generator.
- Snowflake in talks to buy Reka AI for $1 Billion.
- Sony Music warns AI developers not to use its content for training.
- Anthropic hires IG Co-founder as head of product.
- Claude AI is now available across Europe.
- OpenAI disbanded their team focused on long-term risk of AI.
Reddit & Snapchat
- Reddit launches 5 new features to improve AMA (Ask Me Anything) posts.
- Snapchat partners with Scope3 to launch carbon emission tracking for Snap Ads.
- Snapchat announces new partnership with Datahash to improve performance via CAPI.
- Reddit hires new VP of Ads Product, Jyoti Vaidee.
Microsoft & LinkedIn
- EU warns Microsoft it could be fined billions over missing GenAI risk info.
- Sainsbury’s and Microsoft announce five-year AI partnership.
- LinkedIn adds Unique View Count for post analytics.
Marketing & AdTech
- Broadsign acquires OutMoove, Netherlands-based DOOH DSP.
- Twitch announces new Partner Discords
- Politico launches its first consumer registration wall.
- Havas acquires Liquid to enhance E-commerce and Retail Media Expertise.
- DEPT and BIGR Social are launching a new Automated Social Media Management Platform.
- QR codes aren’t out yet, Innocent drink’s OOH campaign success.
- Commercial TV networks spent $1.67 billion on Australian Programs.
- Streaming is Cable: Comcast to launch Peacock, Netflix and Apple TV+ bundle.
- Advertiser trust in Google continues to go downhill, here’s what experts believe.
- Yahoo tests Google’s post-cookie ad platform.
- GoPuff’s ‘Ozempic Week’ ad campaign backfires on social media.
- NCM Teams with Nerds for On-screen Holographic Cinema Campaign.
- Asperity launches composable ‘Lakehouse’ CDP.
2024.05.21 14:47 lazymentors What a week in marketing: GPT4o, AI overviews, Netflix vs Amazon + Reddit’s AI sellout
Top 6 Updates of last Week:
- After Google, OpenAI enters a new data + advertising partnership with Reddit.
- Google rolls out AI overviews in US with planned expansion in more countries.
- Threads App is testing pinned columns on web, Tweetdeck 2.0.
- Youtube expands Creator Takeover ad format and shares new details into CTV growth.
- OpenAI launched GPT-4o, adding AI voice assistant and other improvements.
- Netflix plans to launch In-house ad tech platform with their ad audience growing to 40M in Q1.
Trending
- Pinterest and Real Simple, a lifestyle magazine partner to launch the first shoppable magazine issue.
- e.l.f. Beauty’s latest campaign ‘So Many Dicks’ campaign touches on points made in the last newsletter, diversity in boardrooms is rare.
- Reddit is bringing back Awards program, nice.
- Amazon shared strong ad viewership numbers and other content updates at Upfront.
- Microsoft’s AI developments have caused their carbon emissions to jump 30%.
- Warner Bros. Discovery launches new ad products and shares new subscriber growth.
- Nielsen ranks top media companies, First Convergent TV Comparison of its kind.
- Bumble apologies for Celibacy billboards and apologises to all users.
- ASDA launches new brand identity as part of its summer campaign- Serious about Summer.
- TripleLift & Amazon’s partnership to expand ad business beyond amazon’s own websites.
- Expedia launches travel media network and new AI features.
- McDonald’s new launch; Grandma McFlurry meanwhile Gen-X is still waiting for repersentation.
- Delivereasy’s new ad campaign is funny and worthy of a long-term run.
- Dentsu’s new global brand proposition; Innovating to Impacting.
- Disney, Fox and WBD unveiled name of Sports-Streaming Venture: Venu Sports.
- Pizza Hut Australia fined $2.5 million for spam marketing.
- Snapchat shares new insights on improving ad campaign performance with 3Es.
TikTok 🎶
- TikTok is now testing 60-minute video uploads, What?
- TikTok shares new insights into #FinTok (Finance) in Canada.
- IKEA to run a Pet Shopping Network for a TikTok Livestream.
- TikTok is testing addition of AI-generated search results.
- TikTok released new playbook for Beauty businesses.
- Frank McCourt offers to buy TikTok from ByteDance.
Instagram & Threads 🗂️
- Instagram expands creator marketplace to new regions
- Instagram’s new BeReal-like feature ‘Peek’ in testing.
- Threads launched its fact-checking program.
- Threads launches recent tab for search function.
- Instagram is testing option to add notes on posts and reels.
- Creators aren’t happy with Instagram’s AI bot suggestions.
- Instagram launches new creator interview series.
- Notify sticker is now available for IG Reels.
- Instagram testing ability to create public reels playlist.
Meta 😅
- Meta hit with new EU probe for having additive algorithms harming children and teens.
- Meta to shut down Workplace its enterprise workspace platform.
- Meta launches travel mode for Quest 2 & 3.
- Meta’s Oversight Board receives first case from Threads is here, involving Japanese PM.
- Meta is exploring AI-Assisted Earphones with Cameras.
- WhatsApp redesigns drawing editor for beta testers.
X (Twitter) 🕹️
- X’s Gork AI expands to EU users.
- X’s Takeover Ads get improved spotlight takeover with commentary and shop feed.
- WNBA is coming to X with new content partnership.
- X completes the website transition from twitter to x dot com.
- X updates communities feature to increase user adoption.
Youtube 🕹️
- YouTube CEO shares, It’s Time for the Emmys to Embrace Creators.
- Youtube gets branded QR codes to improve CTV Ad conversion.
Google 🔦
- Google adds two new crawlers: GoogleOther-Image and GoogleOther-Video.
- Google shares video pages need to be super obvious to be shown in Video Tab.
- Google Search launches ‘Web’ filter with only text-based links.
- Google rolling out new restrictions for suspended ad accounts.
- Ad format preferences now available for Demand Gen campaigns.
- How publishers are removing their content from Google’s AI overviews.
- AI Ad summaries are now available in Google Ads.
Agency News
- GAP Inc. appoints Omnicom as Media AOR.
- Esusu appoints David&Goliath as Agency of Record.
- Athletic Brewing Company names Wpromote Media AOR.
- Kenvue hires FCB and BBDO to run creative account.
- HEINEKEN appoints Blue Yonder to improve Demand Planning.
- STOP&SHOP names Curiosity as creative AOR.
- Moore named Primary Direct Response Agency for Nationwide Children’s Hospital Foundation.
- M&C Saatchi Sport & Entertainment wins Dometic as New Global Client.
- Mother hires creative directors from Droga5 NY and Adam&eveDDB.
- Gallo appoints VaynerMedia LA as lead creative agency for Barefoot Wine.
- L’ELOI announces major roster expansion.
- Mazda Canada names FCB/SIX CRM Agency of Record.
- Canadian Blood Services appoint Diamond as Agency of Record.
- Cricket Australia hires Special, Independent creative agency.
AI 🤨
- ChatGPT announces improvements to data analysis.
- A Recap of AI features announced at Google I/O Event.
- Deloitte Digital launches AI-powered content tool for marketers.
- Google still hasn’t fixed Gemini’s biased image generator.
- Snowflake in talks to buy Reka AI for $1 Billion.
- Sony Music warns AI developers not to use its content for training.
- Anthropic hires IG Co-founder as head of product.
- Claude AI is now available across Europe.
- OpenAI disbanded their team focused on long-term risk of AI.
Reddit & Snapchat
- Reddit launches 5 new features to improve AMA (Ask Me Anything) posts.
- Snapchat partners with Scope3 to launch carbon emission tracking for Snap Ads.
- Snapchat announces new partnership with Datahash to improve performance via CAPI.
- Reddit hires new VP of Ads Product, Jyoti Vaidee.
Microsoft & LinkedIn
- EU warns Microsoft it could be fined billions over missing GenAI risk info.
- Sainsbury’s and Microsoft announce five-year AI partnership.
- LinkedIn adds Unique View Count for post analytics.
Marketing & AdTech
- Broadsign acquires OutMoove, Netherlands-based DOOH DSP.
- Twitch announces new Partner Discords
- Politico launches its first consumer registration wall.
- Havas acquires Liquid to enhance E-commerce and Retail Media Expertise.
- DEPT and BIGR Social are launching a new Automated Social Media Management Platform.
- QR codes aren’t out yet, Innocent drink’s OOH campaign success.
- Commercial TV networks spent $1.67 billion on Australian Programs.
- Streaming is Cable: Comcast to launch Peacock, Netflix and Apple TV+ bundle.
- Advertiser trust in Google continues to go downhill, here’s what experts believe.
- Yahoo tests Google’s post-cookie ad platform.
- GoPuff’s ‘Ozempic Week’ ad campaign backfires on social media.
- NCM Teams with Nerds for On-screen Holographic Cinema Campaign.
- Asperity launches composable ‘Lakehouse’ CDP.
2024.05.21 14:45 lazymentors What a week in marketing: GPT4o, AI overviews, Netflix vs Amazon + Reddit’s AI sellout
Top 6 Updates of last Week:
- After Google, OpenAI enters a new data + advertising partnership with Reddit.
- Google rolls out AI overviews in US with planned expansion in more countries.
- Threads App is testing pinned columns on web, Tweetdeck 2.0.
- Youtube expands Creator Takeover ad format and shares new details into CTV growth.
- OpenAI launched GPT-4o, adding AI voice assistant and other improvements.
- Netflix plans to launch In-house ad tech platform with their ad audience growing to 40M in Q1.
Trending
- Pinterest and Real Simple, a lifestyle magazine partner to launch the first shoppable magazine issue.
- e.l.f. Beauty’s latest campaign ‘So Many Dicks’ campaign touches on points made in the last newsletter, diversity in boardrooms is rare.
- Reddit is bringing back Awards program, nice.
- Amazon shared strong ad viewership numbers and other content updates at Upfront.
- Microsoft’s AI developments have caused their carbon emissions to jump 30%.
- Warner Bros. Discovery launches new ad products and shares new subscriber growth.
- Nielsen ranks top media companies, First Convergent TV Comparison of its kind.
- Bumble apologies for Celibacy billboards and apologises to all users.
- ASDA launches new brand identity as part of its summer campaign- Serious about Summer.
- TripleLift & Amazon’s partnership to expand ad business beyond amazon’s own websites.
- Expedia launches travel media network and new AI features.
- McDonald’s new launch; Grandma McFlurry meanwhile Gen-X is still waiting for repersentation.
- Delivereasy’s new ad campaign is funny and worthy of a long-term run.
- Dentsu’s new global brand proposition; Innovating to Impacting.
- Disney, Fox and WBD unveiled name of Sports-Streaming Venture: Venu Sports.
- Pizza Hut Australia fined $2.5 million for spam marketing.
- Snapchat shares new insights on improving ad campaign performance with 3Es.
TikTok 🎶
- TikTok is now testing 60-minute video uploads, What?
- TikTok shares new insights into #FinTok (Finance) in Canada.
- IKEA to run a Pet Shopping Network for a TikTok Livestream.
- TikTok is testing addition of AI-generated search results.
- TikTok released new playbook for Beauty businesses.
- Frank McCourt offers to buy TikTok from ByteDance.
Instagram & Threads 🗂️
- Instagram expands creator marketplace to new regions
- Instagram’s new BeReal-like feature ‘Peek’ in testing.
- Threads launched its fact-checking program.
- Threads launches recent tab for search function.
- Instagram is testing option to add notes on posts and reels.
- Creators aren’t happy with Instagram’s AI bot suggestions.
- Instagram launches new creator interview series.
- Notify sticker is now available for IG Reels.
- Instagram testing ability to create public reels playlist.
Meta 😅
- Meta hit with new EU probe for having additive algorithms harming children and teens.
- Meta to shut down Workplace its enterprise workspace platform.
- Meta launches travel mode for Quest 2 & 3.
- Meta’s Oversight Board receives first case from Threads is here, involving Japanese PM.
- Meta is exploring AI-Assisted Earphones with Cameras.
- WhatsApp redesigns drawing editor for beta testers.
X (Twitter) 🕹️
- X’s Gork AI expands to EU users.
- X’s Takeover Ads get improved spotlight takeover with commentary and shop feed.
- WNBA is coming to X with new content partnership.
- X completes the website transition from twitter to x dot com.
- X updates communities feature to increase user adoption.
Youtube 🕹️
- YouTube CEO shares, It’s Time for the Emmys to Embrace Creators.
- Youtube gets branded QR codes to improve CTV Ad conversion.
Google 🔦
- Google adds two new crawlers: GoogleOther-Image and GoogleOther-Video.
- Google shares video pages need to be super obvious to be shown in Video Tab.
- Google Search launches ‘Web’ filter with only text-based links.
- Google rolling out new restrictions for suspended ad accounts.
- Ad format preferences now available for Demand Gen campaigns.
- How publishers are removing their content from Google’s AI overviews.
- AI Ad summaries are now available in Google Ads.
Agency News
- GAP Inc. appoints Omnicom as Media AOR.
- Esusu appoints David&Goliath as Agency of Record.
- Athletic Brewing Company names Wpromote Media AOR.
- Kenvue hires FCB and BBDO to run creative account.
- HEINEKEN appoints Blue Yonder to improve Demand Planning.
- STOP&SHOP names Curiosity as creative AOR.
- Moore named Primary Direct Response Agency for Nationwide Children’s Hospital Foundation.
- M&C Saatchi Sport & Entertainment wins Dometic as New Global Client.
- Mother hires creative directors from Droga5 NY and Adam&eveDDB.
- Gallo appoints VaynerMedia LA as lead creative agency for Barefoot Wine.
- L’ELOI announces major roster expansion.
- Mazda Canada names FCB/SIX CRM Agency of Record.
- Canadian Blood Services appoint Diamond as Agency of Record.
- Cricket Australia hires Special, Independent creative agency.
AI 🤨
- ChatGPT announces improvements to data analysis.
- A Recap of AI features announced at Google I/O Event.
- Deloitte Digital launches AI-powered content tool for marketers.
- Google still hasn’t fixed Gemini’s biased image generator.
- Snowflake in talks to buy Reka AI for $1 Billion.
- Sony Music warns AI developers not to use its content for training.
- Anthropic hires IG Co-founder as head of product.
- Claude AI is now available across Europe.
- OpenAI disbanded their team focused on long-term risk of AI.
Reddit & Snapchat
- Reddit launches 5 new features to improve AMA (Ask Me Anything) posts.
- Snapchat partners with Scope3 to launch carbon emission tracking for Snap Ads.
- Snapchat announces new partnership with Datahash to improve performance via CAPI.
- Reddit hires new VP of Ads Product, Jyoti Vaidee.
Microsoft & LinkedIn
- EU warns Microsoft it could be fined billions over missing GenAI risk info.
- Sainsbury’s and Microsoft announce five-year AI partnership.
- LinkedIn adds Unique View Count for post analytics.
Marketing & AdTech
- Broadsign acquires OutMoove, Netherlands-based DOOH DSP.
- Twitch announces new Partner Discords
- Politico launches its first consumer registration wall.
- Havas acquires Liquid to enhance E-commerce and Retail Media Expertise.
- DEPT and BIGR Social are launching a new Automated Social Media Management Platform.
- QR codes aren’t out yet, Innocent drink’s OOH campaign success.
- Commercial TV networks spent $1.67 billion on Australian Programs.
- Streaming is Cable: Comcast to launch Peacock, Netflix and Apple TV+ bundle.
- Advertiser trust in Google continues to go downhill, here’s what experts believe.
- Yahoo tests Google’s post-cookie ad platform.
- GoPuff’s ‘Ozempic Week’ ad campaign backfires on social media.
- NCM Teams with Nerds for On-screen Holographic Cinema Campaign.
- Asperity launches composable ‘Lakehouse’ CDP.
2024.05.21 14:44 thebeefolks [QCrit] YA Fantasy, HONEYFLESHED (90K/vers 2)
prev. version here
Dear [Agent Full Name],
Seventeen-year-old human Faline no longer wants to be that one human living among monsters anymore. For her entire life, she is given the sliver of grace to grow up in the land known as Arishael, but is constantly in danger of being killed due to her humanity. She wants to go back to her realm but there’s just one problem: she’s prevented from doing so by the magic in the land. The magic must weaken enough so she can leave and see a safer future among her own kind. Such a chance will only arrive during the abdication of the queen.
Instead, her hope falls into horror when Faline discovers that the queen has adopted a human girl named Hala as her own daughter. This causes unrest among everyone and also in Faline, as it slows her plan to leave the land for an indefinite amount of time. Soon, she makes another discovery: she’s suddenly accused of being a spy for the human girl. Faline knows that she’s not the one who helped the human girl enter their queendom and that she has no idea how a human can enter the land despite being one herself. Of course, it’s easier to think about it than actually proving it. The rest of the queendom are not keen on an explanation and Faline fears more trouble awaiting her in the future.
Faline must find out how and why Hala came into Arishael and what the purpose of her stay is. First, she has to learn how to befriend someone who doesn’t want to be befriended. If she cannot do so and convince her to leave, Faline will continue to be at the mercy of the land and its creatures.
HONEYFLESHED, is a 90,000 words young adult fantasy with sequel potential. It combines the vivid worldbuilding of Where the Dark Stands Still by A.B. Poranek and the visceral action of The Spirit Bares Its Teeth by Andrew Joseph-White.
Best,
[Name]
submitted by thebeefolks to PubTips [link] [comments]
Dear [Agent Full Name],
Seventeen-year-old human Faline no longer wants to be that one human living among monsters anymore. For her entire life, she is given the sliver of grace to grow up in the land known as Arishael, but is constantly in danger of being killed due to her humanity. She wants to go back to her realm but there’s just one problem: she’s prevented from doing so by the magic in the land. The magic must weaken enough so she can leave and see a safer future among her own kind. Such a chance will only arrive during the abdication of the queen.
Instead, her hope falls into horror when Faline discovers that the queen has adopted a human girl named Hala as her own daughter. This causes unrest among everyone and also in Faline, as it slows her plan to leave the land for an indefinite amount of time. Soon, she makes another discovery: she’s suddenly accused of being a spy for the human girl. Faline knows that she’s not the one who helped the human girl enter their queendom and that she has no idea how a human can enter the land despite being one herself. Of course, it’s easier to think about it than actually proving it. The rest of the queendom are not keen on an explanation and Faline fears more trouble awaiting her in the future.
Faline must find out how and why Hala came into Arishael and what the purpose of her stay is. First, she has to learn how to befriend someone who doesn’t want to be befriended. If she cannot do so and convince her to leave, Faline will continue to be at the mercy of the land and its creatures.
HONEYFLESHED, is a 90,000 words young adult fantasy with sequel potential. It combines the vivid worldbuilding of Where the Dark Stands Still by A.B. Poranek and the visceral action of The Spirit Bares Its Teeth by Andrew Joseph-White.
Best,
[Name]
2024.05.21 14:38 PocketSmile Stay at cushy help desk job or take sys. admin/jr dev role?
So I've been mulling it over for a while now and am looking for some outside feedback on what others would do in this case.
Background: I have a bachelors in IT and a minors in computer science. I have over 12 years of experience working in IT (mainly break-fix).
I have been given a job offer for a Sys. Admin/ Jr. Dev role for a fairly large family business that pays 27 an hour 56k at 40 hours a week and they said they'd visit a 90 day review for a raise. The people seemed great but they aren't necessarily looking to hire a dev, I just kind of stumbled in their picture so I believe they are lowballing the pay for the position. Plus its a rough job market. Its 4 days in, 1 day remote every week.
Currently, I work a full time remote doing Help desk IT support, pay is 26.40 an hour with only 37 hours mandatory a week. There is no real way to move up from this position. The IT team for this company is small, only way to move up is when someone else leaves and that's rare. Developers are off shored so no way to get professional, dev experience there. However, it is fully remote and has great work life balance. This job is cushy, 9 months out of the year, low-stress, low-work. Great manager. It has allowed me to develop my own video games and learn a ton while its slow at work.
The question is, should I give up a very cushy job and take the offer to gain more experience or should I stay?
My current plan was, if I take the dev role, learn as much as I can, start gaining work experience towards dev and then in 9 months start looking for WFH again.
If I stayed at my current job, I would continue to grow my skills, enjoy this amazing work life balance, and keep applying for jr dev positions (I would hope remote but in this market I highly doubt it would happen)
To add: commute will be negligible because I will move less than 5 minutes away from the company.
submitted by PocketSmile to ITCareerQuestions [link] [comments]
Background: I have a bachelors in IT and a minors in computer science. I have over 12 years of experience working in IT (mainly break-fix).
I have been given a job offer for a Sys. Admin/ Jr. Dev role for a fairly large family business that pays 27 an hour 56k at 40 hours a week and they said they'd visit a 90 day review for a raise. The people seemed great but they aren't necessarily looking to hire a dev, I just kind of stumbled in their picture so I believe they are lowballing the pay for the position. Plus its a rough job market. Its 4 days in, 1 day remote every week.
Currently, I work a full time remote doing Help desk IT support, pay is 26.40 an hour with only 37 hours mandatory a week. There is no real way to move up from this position. The IT team for this company is small, only way to move up is when someone else leaves and that's rare. Developers are off shored so no way to get professional, dev experience there. However, it is fully remote and has great work life balance. This job is cushy, 9 months out of the year, low-stress, low-work. Great manager. It has allowed me to develop my own video games and learn a ton while its slow at work.
The question is, should I give up a very cushy job and take the offer to gain more experience or should I stay?
My current plan was, if I take the dev role, learn as much as I can, start gaining work experience towards dev and then in 9 months start looking for WFH again.
If I stayed at my current job, I would continue to grow my skills, enjoy this amazing work life balance, and keep applying for jr dev positions (I would hope remote but in this market I highly doubt it would happen)
To add: commute will be negligible because I will move less than 5 minutes away from the company.
2024.05.21 14:36 homeandsoul Sustainable Furniture: Eco-Friendly Choices for Your Home
As awareness of environmental issues grows, more people are seeking sustainable options for their homes, including eco-friendly furniture. Choosing sustainable furniture not only helps protect the planet but also ensures that your home is filled with high-quality, lasting pieces. Here’s how you can make eco-friendly choices for your home, with a special focus on finding bar stools Dubai, bohemian furniture Dubai, and L shaped sofa.
1. Understanding Sustainable Furniture
Sustainable furniture is made using methods and materials that have a reduced impact on the environment. This includes using renewable resources, non-toxic finishes, and durable construction to ensure longevity. When shopping for furniture, look for certifications such as FSC (Forest Stewardship Council) or GREENGUARD, which indicate that the products meet high environmental standards.
2. Materials Matter
The materials used in furniture greatly impact its sustainability. Opt for pieces made from:
- Reclaimed Wood: Salvaged from old buildings, this wood gives new life to what would otherwise be waste.
- Bamboo: A fast-growing, renewable resource that’s incredibly durable and versatile.
- Recycled Metal and Plastic: Using recycled materials helps reduce waste and the demand for new raw materials.
3. Sustainable Bar Stools in Dubai
If you’re searching for sustainable bar stools in Dubai, look for local craftsmen who use reclaimed wood or recycled metals. Not only do these materials reduce environmental impact, but they also add unique character to each piece. Additionally, check out eco-friendly furniture stores in Dubai that prioritize sustainable practices and materials.
4. Embrace Bohemian Furniture in Dubai
Bohemian furniture is known for its eclectic and artistic style, often incorporating natural materials and handmade elements. In Dubai, you can find a variety of bohemian furniture options that are both stylish and sustainable. Look for items crafted from organic materials like rattan, jute, and reclaimed wood. Handcrafted pieces not only support sustainable practices but also ensure each item is unique and tells its own story.
5. Choosing an L-Shaped Sofa
An L-shaped sofa is a versatile and practical addition to any living room. When selecting an eco-friendly L-shaped sofa, consider the following:
- Natural Upholstery: Choose fabrics like organic cotton, linen, or hemp. These materials are grown without harmful pesticides and are biodegradable.
- Sustainable Frames: Look for sofas with frames made from FSC-certified wood or reclaimed materials.
- Non-Toxic Finishes: Ensure that any finishes or treatments are free from harmful chemicals, protecting both your family and the environment.
6. Shop Local and Support Artisans
One of the best ways to find sustainable furniture is to shop local and support artisans. Local craftsmen often use locally sourced materials and traditional methods that are less harmful to the environment. This not only reduces the carbon footprint associated with transportation but also supports the local economy.
7. Invest in Quality
Sustainable furniture is often about quality over quantity. Investing in well-made, durable pieces means they will last longer and won’t need to be replaced as frequently. This reduces waste and is often more cost-effective in the long run.
8. Repurpose and Upcycle
Another eco-friendly approach is to repurpose or upcycle existing furniture. A fresh coat of non-toxic paint or new upholstery can give old furniture a new life. This not only saves money but also reduces waste.
9. Energy-Efficient Production
Consider the production process of the furniture you buy. Some manufacturers use renewable energy sources and sustainable practices to reduce their environmental impact. Research brands that are transparent about their production methods and prioritize sustainability.
10. The Benefits of Sustainable Furniture
Choosing sustainable furniture offers numerous benefits:
- Environmental Protection: Reduces deforestation, pollution, and waste.
- Healthier Home: Non-toxic materials and finishes improve indoor air quality.
- Unique Style: Handmade and reclaimed pieces add unique charm to your home.
- Long-Term Savings: Durable, high-quality furniture lasts longer, reducing the need for frequent replacements.
Incorporating sustainable furniture into your home is a step towards a greener future. Whether you’re looking for bar stools in Dubai, bohemian furniture, or an L-shaped sofa, there are plenty of eco-friendly options available that combine style, comfort, and sustainability. By making mindful choices, you can create a beautiful home that’s kind to the planet.
submitted by homeandsoul to u/homeandsoul [link] [comments]
1. Understanding Sustainable Furniture
Sustainable furniture is made using methods and materials that have a reduced impact on the environment. This includes using renewable resources, non-toxic finishes, and durable construction to ensure longevity. When shopping for furniture, look for certifications such as FSC (Forest Stewardship Council) or GREENGUARD, which indicate that the products meet high environmental standards.
2. Materials Matter
The materials used in furniture greatly impact its sustainability. Opt for pieces made from:
- Reclaimed Wood: Salvaged from old buildings, this wood gives new life to what would otherwise be waste.
- Bamboo: A fast-growing, renewable resource that’s incredibly durable and versatile.
- Recycled Metal and Plastic: Using recycled materials helps reduce waste and the demand for new raw materials.
3. Sustainable Bar Stools in Dubai
If you’re searching for sustainable bar stools in Dubai, look for local craftsmen who use reclaimed wood or recycled metals. Not only do these materials reduce environmental impact, but they also add unique character to each piece. Additionally, check out eco-friendly furniture stores in Dubai that prioritize sustainable practices and materials.
4. Embrace Bohemian Furniture in Dubai
Bohemian furniture is known for its eclectic and artistic style, often incorporating natural materials and handmade elements. In Dubai, you can find a variety of bohemian furniture options that are both stylish and sustainable. Look for items crafted from organic materials like rattan, jute, and reclaimed wood. Handcrafted pieces not only support sustainable practices but also ensure each item is unique and tells its own story.
5. Choosing an L-Shaped Sofa
An L-shaped sofa is a versatile and practical addition to any living room. When selecting an eco-friendly L-shaped sofa, consider the following:
- Natural Upholstery: Choose fabrics like organic cotton, linen, or hemp. These materials are grown without harmful pesticides and are biodegradable.
- Sustainable Frames: Look for sofas with frames made from FSC-certified wood or reclaimed materials.
- Non-Toxic Finishes: Ensure that any finishes or treatments are free from harmful chemicals, protecting both your family and the environment.
6. Shop Local and Support Artisans
One of the best ways to find sustainable furniture is to shop local and support artisans. Local craftsmen often use locally sourced materials and traditional methods that are less harmful to the environment. This not only reduces the carbon footprint associated with transportation but also supports the local economy.
7. Invest in Quality
Sustainable furniture is often about quality over quantity. Investing in well-made, durable pieces means they will last longer and won’t need to be replaced as frequently. This reduces waste and is often more cost-effective in the long run.
8. Repurpose and Upcycle
Another eco-friendly approach is to repurpose or upcycle existing furniture. A fresh coat of non-toxic paint or new upholstery can give old furniture a new life. This not only saves money but also reduces waste.
9. Energy-Efficient Production
Consider the production process of the furniture you buy. Some manufacturers use renewable energy sources and sustainable practices to reduce their environmental impact. Research brands that are transparent about their production methods and prioritize sustainability.
10. The Benefits of Sustainable Furniture
Choosing sustainable furniture offers numerous benefits:
- Environmental Protection: Reduces deforestation, pollution, and waste.
- Healthier Home: Non-toxic materials and finishes improve indoor air quality.
- Unique Style: Handmade and reclaimed pieces add unique charm to your home.
- Long-Term Savings: Durable, high-quality furniture lasts longer, reducing the need for frequent replacements.
Incorporating sustainable furniture into your home is a step towards a greener future. Whether you’re looking for bar stools in Dubai, bohemian furniture, or an L-shaped sofa, there are plenty of eco-friendly options available that combine style, comfort, and sustainability. By making mindful choices, you can create a beautiful home that’s kind to the planet.
2024.05.21 14:10 Justly_Life How To Cultivate a Habit of Positive Self-talk?
Do you ever catch yourself having full-on arguments with your thoughts?
Today we’re going to look at some ways to stop that inner critic in its tracks when it’s being less than helpful.
What is Negative Self-Talk?
Negative self-talk refers to the internal dialogue or thoughts about ourselves that are predominantly critical, pessimistic, or self-defeating.
It involves a pattern of negative thinking that often involves harsh self-judgement, self-doubt, and self-criticism.
Cultivating a positive inner dialogue involves intentionally shifting your thoughts and self-talk toward more positive and supportive messages.
Here are some strategies to help you cultivate a positive inner dialogue —
And don’t forget to embrace the power of humour along the way. Laugh at the absurdity of your inner critic’s arguments, and let that laughter be the catalyst for change.
Be patient with yourself, and don’t expect overnight changes. Consistency and practice will gradually shift your inner dialogue towards more positivity and self-empowerment.
submitted by Justly_Life to getdisciplined [link] [comments]
Today we’re going to look at some ways to stop that inner critic in its tracks when it’s being less than helpful.
What is Negative Self-Talk?
Negative self-talk refers to the internal dialogue or thoughts about ourselves that are predominantly critical, pessimistic, or self-defeating.
It involves a pattern of negative thinking that often involves harsh self-judgement, self-doubt, and self-criticism.
Cultivating a positive inner dialogue involves intentionally shifting your thoughts and self-talk toward more positive and supportive messages.
Here are some strategies to help you cultivate a positive inner dialogue —
- Practice Self-Awareness - Monitor your thoughts to identify when they turn negative or self-critical. Awareness is the first step toward change.
- Challenge Negative Thoughts - Question the accuracy of negative thoughts. Evaluate the evidence for and against them, as they are often based on assumptions rather than facts.
- Reframe Negative Thoughts - Replace negative thoughts with positive or realistic alternatives. For instance, change “I’m a failure” to “I faced a setback, but I can learn and grow from this experience.”
- Use Positive Affirmations - Repeat positive statements that enhance self-belief, such as “I am capable and deserving of success” or “I embrace my uniqueness and value myself.”
- Practice Self-Compassion - Treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding you would offer a friend. Forgive yourself for mistakes and acknowledge your efforts and progress.
- Surround Yourself with Positivity - Engage with people and activities that uplift you. Create an environment that fosters positivity and encourages positive self-talk.
- Gratitude Practice - Regularly reflect on what you appreciate and are grateful for. This shifts focus to positive aspects and counterbalances negative thoughts.
- Seek Support - Reach out to friends, family, or a support network when struggling with negative self-talk. Sharing experiences can provide perspective and encouragement.
- Practice Mindfulness and Meditation - Mindfulness helps you observe thoughts without judgement. Meditation can increase self-awareness, enabling you to choose more positive thoughts.
And don’t forget to embrace the power of humour along the way. Laugh at the absurdity of your inner critic’s arguments, and let that laughter be the catalyst for change.
Be patient with yourself, and don’t expect overnight changes. Consistency and practice will gradually shift your inner dialogue towards more positivity and self-empowerment.
2024.05.21 13:46 WirelezMouse Day 1. Again.. and a few questions too.
So... I relapsed.. felt distraught. Gave me pleasure for about 5 seconds.. and I was back to feeling like crap..
So Im here again, day 1 starting now. I just had a few questions regarding my walk with God..
May God bless you, and may his perfect peace be with you. And thank you once again.
submitted by WirelezMouse to NoFapChristians [link] [comments]
So Im here again, day 1 starting now. I just had a few questions regarding my walk with God..
- Yesterday I had this really really really STRONG urge to reconcile with God.. Not just ask for forgiveness, but like REALLY go back and live that sinless life... You know? Like running back to Jesus, not looking at the storm, just focusing on Him.. I still have that strong desire (I can't' stress how strong it is).. Does that mean Im growing closer to God? Or does that mean Im going away from God?
- I can't discern the Voice of God.. I asked God to talk to my yesterday, and I read the bible.. No verse struck out, no voice from God at all.. I know that I have to stay persistent with God, but could this mean that I just can't hear God anymore because I hardened my heart with sin? And if so, I did pray for God to give me a heart of flesh, but I don't see any changes (again, I think I have to be persistent).. Could someone make sense of this?
- I am worried about marriage.. And I don't want to be.. Im in my late teens, I shouldn't be concerned or worried about this at all, I don't want to be troubled with issues I may or may not face in my later life.. Im too young for it and I have other more important things to focus on.. Is this normal? What should I do about this? I kind of don't want to be in any relationship except with God.. Im not that good looking so no girlfriend, and I don't want a girlfriend either. I don't want petty things like this to bother me.. So, if someone could guide me through this, it would be nice.
- What exactly is prayer? I just sit in front of a picture of Jesus I have in my house and I just vent out my feelings, thoughts, my emotions, what I think, what I feel, what I want God to do for me in my life.. Is this prayer? or is it that I have to be on my knees, clasping my hands, closing my eyes? Because I had doubts about maybe I was just talking to myself, and I was not talking to God.. So I want some guidance there too..
- How do I know that Im walking in the way of the LORD? I may be walking according to what seems right to me, but I how I know that I am walking in the direction that the LORD wants me to walk in? Is it just based on what I do right or wrong? I know that I must be able to produce fruits of the Holy Spirit if I am walking in His way.. And Im not seeing any big difference in my life right now, so I want to be sure to put my efforts in walking in the way of the LORD..
May God bless you, and may his perfect peace be with you. And thank you once again.
2024.05.21 13:40 CQ-118 A Rift Between Me and My Friends Was Created Over a Man
I (24F) am having issues with my friend group over the man (31M) that I picked. I’ll have to provide the long background story for context.
My friend group consists of several individuals. The specific few I will talk about I will refer to as “J” “M” and “A.” They are all (24F). J and M are a couple. These girls seem to have the strongest opinion about the ordeal. I met my friends in middle/high school. We didn’t become close until our college years. I love these people and we’ve gone on many trips and shared many experiences together.
In early 2023, I was asked out by a guy who frequented my place of work. He had apparently noticed me for some time. It is quite rare for me to “date,” but something about him gave me the sense I could trust him. He gave off good vibes overall. We went on a date a few days later and discovered we have everything in common. EVERYTHING. From our morals, values, hobbies, childhood upbringing, family dilemmas, favorite foods, love for traveling, etc. we are the same person in two separate bodies. The date was such a success and I knew then in my gut that he was going to be someone special.
Unfortunately, our beginning took a turn. We initiated dates back and forth that fell through due to valid reasons dealing with weather, conflicting schedules, etc. During this break between dates, he took the time to think if he was ready to start a new relationship. Although he liked me a lot, he was a little unsure unbeknownst to me. He’d been in several relationships before and they ended with him getting hurt whether they ended on good or bad terms. He was getting cold feet and didn’t know how to communicate that to me. He didn’t want to officially end it and he also didn’t want to lead me on so he said nothing for awhile. Although it wasn’t necessarily thought out, he was buying himself time until he knew how he felt (I learned all this later on). Then came about a month with no contact. During this time, he was dealing with family drama and I was becoming anemic. I eventually did need a blood transfusion. I mention this because that month apart went by fast and we didn’t have much time to linger over the thought of each other. I did notice he hadn’t reached out though. I’m certain now that he wouldn’t have ignored my messages had I sent any, but I was honestly waiting for him to reach out first. I was a little hurt to think that he had changed his mind and didn’t have the guts to tell me.
Sometime in that next month, when I returned to work after my hospital stay, I saw him at my job. I thought he saw me. He left and said nothing. I was actually devastated. He had been so kind and I didn’t know why he had a change of heart. At least he should’ve told me about it anyway. I decided that I was going to text him that night. I mentioned I had seen him at work, thanked him for the initial first date, apologized for not reaching out on my end, and I sort of wished him farewell under the assumption he wasn’t interested. It was very professional and I let him know that there were no hard feelings had he changed his mind. I was expecting some lame, typical excuse response if I even got one. He sent back this long text message apologizing, explaining himself, and asking me questions. He explained his fears and asked if we could start a “friendship” of sorts to keep a slow pace. There was chemistry of course, but he was afraid of me and now I was afraid of him. There was enough there to where we wanted to spend time together, but I needed to be sure I could trust him with my feelings and he also needed to be sure he could trust me with his heart. To this, I agreed to see him again.
We spent time going on casual dates and talking a lot. He became my friend. We talked a lot about what happened with the break over the following months. I told him how hurt I was and how communication is important to me. He understands the impact of going no contact abruptly. It has been entirely resolved and I also take responsibility in my part of not reaching out to him either. Ever since the break, he became consistent. We’ve talked every single day since. He was patient with me and I was patient with him. We earned each other’s trust and are now madly in love. It happened slowly and quietly. I have never met such a soft, kind, understanding, sensitive man. I am more myself with him than I ever have been before. If soulmates are real, then he is mine.
Now to the tea. Of course, my friends knew (most) all of this. I told them about the big events as they were happening. They were excited for me on my first date, they sympathized with me when he no longer reached out, etc. They were surely surprised when I decided to spend time with him again. I asked them to trust me. I didn’t think he was a bad guy. What happened was a mistake. As my man and I spent more time, my friend J would reach out asking me questions about him. I told only her about my concerns in the beginning. Back then, I was guarded and nervous to proceed, but it was something I knew I had to do. I had to find out for sure what kind of person he was.
Now, J, she’s a fireball. I love that girl, but I’ll admit she’s one to hold a grudge, keep score, and quietly judge. She’d never admit it. I made a mistake in choosing her as my confidant in those early days. I was looking for advice when speaking to her because I do value her opinion. She then went and told the other friends in my group, M and A included, about my man—what a bad person he seems to be, using her words, which frankly, are very different from mine. What makes me mad is she got to tell them about him, not me. Not even any of the positives either. This was all before they had even met him and they already didn’t like him. They had no problem scolding me for being with him.
Months down the road, I arranged a meeting for everyone. My friends thought a bar would be a great place. Still not sure about that. It was awkward. Nobody talked more than a few words. My man was shy and my friends didn’t really do anything to make him feel welcome. I was the only one babbling all night it seems like. You’d think that as time goes on, it’d be different. More meetings will help everyone be comfortable. Nope. Every time after was awkward. They haven’t spoken more than a few words to him at a time. It’s very “surface level” talk even now—a year later.
My last birthday had come around and J, M, and A took me out for drinks. It turned into a lecture session about how I seriously need to break up with him. They scolded me on “allowing a man to waste my time.” They criticized his career choice, our age difference, his “character,” etc. Mind you, this is based off of this one mistake and a few other things that I mentioned to J in private that were no longer an issue. I cried myself to sleep that night thinking I was going to have to break up with him to please them.
Of course, I couldn’t. They still invite him to events and friend functions out of politeness, but it’s always the same. They don’t acknowledge him. It makes me especially sad when my man makes comments like, “I’ve never seen so many shy people in one room” (He thinks my friends are just shy when they’re really just ignoring him). He’s printed out their pictures for our scrapbook and labeled them as “new friends.” I haven’t told him the truth and I probably never will.
A few months ago, J, M, me, and my man had plans to go to this local indie concert. Tickets are free. The concert was on a Friday. The next day, Saturday, was scheduled for my man’s nephew’s 2nd Birthday Party. His brother’s family would be traveling from out of town to celebrate their son. Well, things didn’t go according to plan. The brother decided to come a day early, the day of the concert. I should have cancelled the concert date then when I learned this news, but I told J and M we were still coming because my man still wanted to go. We figured we’d be able to sneak away since the brother had come by himself and wanted to come over and take a nap since he works odd hours. Well, my man’s dad dropped by and the brother didn’t take his nap as he’d planned. Now, having company over with expectations, I made the difficult decision to cancel with my friends last minute. I realize it is rude, but something came up. I didn’t see how we could go anymore.
My friends let me have it. J and M were so angry. They told me how rude we were and how disrespectful it was to their time to opt out of the concert which was free and in town by the way. There was also the two of them and they could have easily gone on a date. I think it would’ve been equally rude to leave our company or rush them out the door. I picked my battle. I should have gave them more notice, but I didn’t know we weren’t going until the last minute. It couldn’t have happened any other way. We fought over text for awhile. She accused me of being so different now, saying and doing things out of the ordinary for me. The truth is, I’m just growing up. J ended the conversation saying, “Well, we’re just going to stay mad.” She claimed to understand my circumstance, but she didn’t. We didn’t talk for weeks after.
I eventually got invited to a breakfast date to which I declined. I have been avoiding all of them for awhile. I keep getting “I miss yous” from J. She keeps asking when we’re gonna hang out next. It’s also true that J and M are now moving 4 hours away at the end of the month. My problem may solve itself. That does sound awful though. I feel like an asshole. I have not been a good or present friend lately. I’m so busy, tired, and I have no room for petty drama. I’m not giving up my friends yet, but I will gladly choose this boy over them. He’s given me more peace in one year than they have in five years.
My boy and I are now engaged. I told my friends the news. They said some nice things I guess. J texted to let me know “If I’m really happy, she’ll support me.” This would be nicer if it was coming from a concerned friend. To me, this whole situation feels controlling. It’s more than concern. There’s venom behind it. They don’t care about the wedding either. They don’t ask me fun questions or get excited when it comes up. When I eventually explained how he proposed, they seemed disinterested. I could tell they were judging the experience. When I finally showed J the engagement ring in person all she said was, “Take it off” in a snippy tone so she could try it on.
I’m so disappointed in my friends. I always wanted a big friend group and especially to share this big milestone with. I haven’t even gotten excited about wedding planning because I’m dreading going over the bridesmaids list. Anyway, if you’ve made it this far, thanks for listening. I definitely need to get this off my chest and outta my life. I can’t believe I’m losing my friends over a boy.
submitted by CQ-118 to offmychest [link] [comments]
My friend group consists of several individuals. The specific few I will talk about I will refer to as “J” “M” and “A.” They are all (24F). J and M are a couple. These girls seem to have the strongest opinion about the ordeal. I met my friends in middle/high school. We didn’t become close until our college years. I love these people and we’ve gone on many trips and shared many experiences together.
In early 2023, I was asked out by a guy who frequented my place of work. He had apparently noticed me for some time. It is quite rare for me to “date,” but something about him gave me the sense I could trust him. He gave off good vibes overall. We went on a date a few days later and discovered we have everything in common. EVERYTHING. From our morals, values, hobbies, childhood upbringing, family dilemmas, favorite foods, love for traveling, etc. we are the same person in two separate bodies. The date was such a success and I knew then in my gut that he was going to be someone special.
Unfortunately, our beginning took a turn. We initiated dates back and forth that fell through due to valid reasons dealing with weather, conflicting schedules, etc. During this break between dates, he took the time to think if he was ready to start a new relationship. Although he liked me a lot, he was a little unsure unbeknownst to me. He’d been in several relationships before and they ended with him getting hurt whether they ended on good or bad terms. He was getting cold feet and didn’t know how to communicate that to me. He didn’t want to officially end it and he also didn’t want to lead me on so he said nothing for awhile. Although it wasn’t necessarily thought out, he was buying himself time until he knew how he felt (I learned all this later on). Then came about a month with no contact. During this time, he was dealing with family drama and I was becoming anemic. I eventually did need a blood transfusion. I mention this because that month apart went by fast and we didn’t have much time to linger over the thought of each other. I did notice he hadn’t reached out though. I’m certain now that he wouldn’t have ignored my messages had I sent any, but I was honestly waiting for him to reach out first. I was a little hurt to think that he had changed his mind and didn’t have the guts to tell me.
Sometime in that next month, when I returned to work after my hospital stay, I saw him at my job. I thought he saw me. He left and said nothing. I was actually devastated. He had been so kind and I didn’t know why he had a change of heart. At least he should’ve told me about it anyway. I decided that I was going to text him that night. I mentioned I had seen him at work, thanked him for the initial first date, apologized for not reaching out on my end, and I sort of wished him farewell under the assumption he wasn’t interested. It was very professional and I let him know that there were no hard feelings had he changed his mind. I was expecting some lame, typical excuse response if I even got one. He sent back this long text message apologizing, explaining himself, and asking me questions. He explained his fears and asked if we could start a “friendship” of sorts to keep a slow pace. There was chemistry of course, but he was afraid of me and now I was afraid of him. There was enough there to where we wanted to spend time together, but I needed to be sure I could trust him with my feelings and he also needed to be sure he could trust me with his heart. To this, I agreed to see him again.
We spent time going on casual dates and talking a lot. He became my friend. We talked a lot about what happened with the break over the following months. I told him how hurt I was and how communication is important to me. He understands the impact of going no contact abruptly. It has been entirely resolved and I also take responsibility in my part of not reaching out to him either. Ever since the break, he became consistent. We’ve talked every single day since. He was patient with me and I was patient with him. We earned each other’s trust and are now madly in love. It happened slowly and quietly. I have never met such a soft, kind, understanding, sensitive man. I am more myself with him than I ever have been before. If soulmates are real, then he is mine.
Now to the tea. Of course, my friends knew (most) all of this. I told them about the big events as they were happening. They were excited for me on my first date, they sympathized with me when he no longer reached out, etc. They were surely surprised when I decided to spend time with him again. I asked them to trust me. I didn’t think he was a bad guy. What happened was a mistake. As my man and I spent more time, my friend J would reach out asking me questions about him. I told only her about my concerns in the beginning. Back then, I was guarded and nervous to proceed, but it was something I knew I had to do. I had to find out for sure what kind of person he was.
Now, J, she’s a fireball. I love that girl, but I’ll admit she’s one to hold a grudge, keep score, and quietly judge. She’d never admit it. I made a mistake in choosing her as my confidant in those early days. I was looking for advice when speaking to her because I do value her opinion. She then went and told the other friends in my group, M and A included, about my man—what a bad person he seems to be, using her words, which frankly, are very different from mine. What makes me mad is she got to tell them about him, not me. Not even any of the positives either. This was all before they had even met him and they already didn’t like him. They had no problem scolding me for being with him.
Months down the road, I arranged a meeting for everyone. My friends thought a bar would be a great place. Still not sure about that. It was awkward. Nobody talked more than a few words. My man was shy and my friends didn’t really do anything to make him feel welcome. I was the only one babbling all night it seems like. You’d think that as time goes on, it’d be different. More meetings will help everyone be comfortable. Nope. Every time after was awkward. They haven’t spoken more than a few words to him at a time. It’s very “surface level” talk even now—a year later.
My last birthday had come around and J, M, and A took me out for drinks. It turned into a lecture session about how I seriously need to break up with him. They scolded me on “allowing a man to waste my time.” They criticized his career choice, our age difference, his “character,” etc. Mind you, this is based off of this one mistake and a few other things that I mentioned to J in private that were no longer an issue. I cried myself to sleep that night thinking I was going to have to break up with him to please them.
Of course, I couldn’t. They still invite him to events and friend functions out of politeness, but it’s always the same. They don’t acknowledge him. It makes me especially sad when my man makes comments like, “I’ve never seen so many shy people in one room” (He thinks my friends are just shy when they’re really just ignoring him). He’s printed out their pictures for our scrapbook and labeled them as “new friends.” I haven’t told him the truth and I probably never will.
A few months ago, J, M, me, and my man had plans to go to this local indie concert. Tickets are free. The concert was on a Friday. The next day, Saturday, was scheduled for my man’s nephew’s 2nd Birthday Party. His brother’s family would be traveling from out of town to celebrate their son. Well, things didn’t go according to plan. The brother decided to come a day early, the day of the concert. I should have cancelled the concert date then when I learned this news, but I told J and M we were still coming because my man still wanted to go. We figured we’d be able to sneak away since the brother had come by himself and wanted to come over and take a nap since he works odd hours. Well, my man’s dad dropped by and the brother didn’t take his nap as he’d planned. Now, having company over with expectations, I made the difficult decision to cancel with my friends last minute. I realize it is rude, but something came up. I didn’t see how we could go anymore.
My friends let me have it. J and M were so angry. They told me how rude we were and how disrespectful it was to their time to opt out of the concert which was free and in town by the way. There was also the two of them and they could have easily gone on a date. I think it would’ve been equally rude to leave our company or rush them out the door. I picked my battle. I should have gave them more notice, but I didn’t know we weren’t going until the last minute. It couldn’t have happened any other way. We fought over text for awhile. She accused me of being so different now, saying and doing things out of the ordinary for me. The truth is, I’m just growing up. J ended the conversation saying, “Well, we’re just going to stay mad.” She claimed to understand my circumstance, but she didn’t. We didn’t talk for weeks after.
I eventually got invited to a breakfast date to which I declined. I have been avoiding all of them for awhile. I keep getting “I miss yous” from J. She keeps asking when we’re gonna hang out next. It’s also true that J and M are now moving 4 hours away at the end of the month. My problem may solve itself. That does sound awful though. I feel like an asshole. I have not been a good or present friend lately. I’m so busy, tired, and I have no room for petty drama. I’m not giving up my friends yet, but I will gladly choose this boy over them. He’s given me more peace in one year than they have in five years.
My boy and I are now engaged. I told my friends the news. They said some nice things I guess. J texted to let me know “If I’m really happy, she’ll support me.” This would be nicer if it was coming from a concerned friend. To me, this whole situation feels controlling. It’s more than concern. There’s venom behind it. They don’t care about the wedding either. They don’t ask me fun questions or get excited when it comes up. When I eventually explained how he proposed, they seemed disinterested. I could tell they were judging the experience. When I finally showed J the engagement ring in person all she said was, “Take it off” in a snippy tone so she could try it on.
I’m so disappointed in my friends. I always wanted a big friend group and especially to share this big milestone with. I haven’t even gotten excited about wedding planning because I’m dreading going over the bridesmaids list. Anyway, if you’ve made it this far, thanks for listening. I definitely need to get this off my chest and outta my life. I can’t believe I’m losing my friends over a boy.
2024.05.21 13:31 Strong-Guess3986 I Think I'm in Love With My Best Friend
Hey everyone! I've never made a post on reddit before so bear with me friends. This is also gonna be long because I physically cannot restrain myself from overexplaining.
Ok, SO me (24F) and my guy best friend (25M) have known each other since about sophomore year of college. Let's call him Tony alright. I met him through my college roommate and best friend, we'll call her Tina (Tony is Tina's cousin's husband's best friend). He went to a different college in a city about 2 1/2 hours away, but he came and hung out with his friend a lot and he lived with them during COVID. I'm a pretty socially awkward and shy person so it takes me a while to get comfortable around someone and be myself so I didn't really engage with him at first. It should also be mentioned, I've never been in a relationship or in love befoe; I've been on dates and done a thing or two here and there with some people, but I've always been shy so I'm kind of a late bloomer in the relationship aspect. He is not and he's been in relationships before and has experience doing the horizontal tango; an activity I do not have experience in!
Fast forward, tail end of junior year or beginning of senior year of college we start actually interacting and I open up a bit more. I then develop a small "schoolgirl" kinda type crush because he was a new friend and funny and nice, and I never really had any guy friends growing up so it was new to me and you know the daddy issues of it all. Ok so BOOM spring break senior year right (March 2022), we go on a vacation to NOLA with our friend group. My crush is in full swing at this point and during said trip, my bff Tina and I share a hotel room with Tony and his best friend Ted (sharing bc we are poor). So we get a lot of quality time and get a lot closer as friends. Skip to May 2022, we graduate college and my BFF Tina moves to the bigger city in the state we live in (where he lives) in June (we went to college in a small town). So, naturally I go to the city a lot to visit her and so in turn we start hanging with him more frequently since he's closer now. At this point, I'm over my crush and he's just my really good friend (I promise). Fast forward to December 2022, I move to the city as well and my bff Tina and I move in together so we see him even more, and he's spending nights at our place (on the couch). We get a lot closer and the main thing we do in our friendship is talk. He's a level 100 yapper, and I didn't used to be at all until we became friends honestly, but he just brings out the yap in me. We talk about anything and everything; we even argue about a variety of topics, but it's not with malice or rudeness at all; we're just talking. He's just genuinely the easiest person to talk to I've ever met; strangers just talk to him all the time.
So now we're gonna jump to December of 2023 (sorry for the jumping around, I'm an ADHD warrior). I've had mental health issues off and on since high school, but they got worse around this time. Around this same time, he started getting depressed as well as a few months prior he had been fired from a job and his car got towed amongst other things. My BFF is also going through it.We are all just going through some trials and tribulations lemme tell ya. So, we've all been leaning on each other emotionally pretty heavily lately. Recently, he spends multiple days in a row at our house. So, I've been working through the prior mentioned mental health issues these past months and I'm think I'm finally coming out the other side. I've actually been the happiest I've been in a very long time, but I'm also still struggling a bit because I feel as though my personality has changed drastically since this ordeal or maybe I'm finally feeling secure enough in myself to show my true personality idk, but in a nutshell I'm feeling open and brave which are qualities I don't have experience in whatsoever. As I'm finding myself, I think I'm also becoming more in touch with my feelings which is how I realized I had feelings for him, but anyways back to the nitty gritty. So I'm feeling all these new feelings and all, and my crush on Tony comes back with a terrible new twist: 100% real uncut feelings 😔. But, I am terrible at reading social cues and understanding other people's feelings so I genuinely can't tell if he feels the same or not. But, ever since I've realized my feelings, I've been noticing things more. Me, Tina, and Tony have always been very open with each other in the sense that we talk about anything and everything. We talk about sex, relationships, our bodies, etc. But, lately, I feel like him and I talk even more about sex and relationships and he makes more jokes or funny remarks about sexual or romantic things between us. To be fair, I have too (😝), so it may just be in response, but come on, it's to the point like, we jokin anymore?? So, the other day, I was joking about how I was gonna be a virgin at 40, and he said, "Nah, we'll figure something out before then." like what you mean by that?? And another time, we were riding in the backseat together, and the whole car was talking about eating a girl's kitty cat and I had made a joke about not knowing the feeling and he said, "What?? That's so sad bro" and then under his breath said, "we'll have to do something about it" like huh???? And I also have this crop top with butterflies on it that may be a lil revealing (🙈) that he complimented when he first saw me wear it. And now, whenever I wear it, he'll say something about it like, "Ohhh, return of the shirt" or something along those lines. Also a while back, I had told him about how my late grandpa would always sneak me Ho-Hos as a kid and how I missed him a lot, and in the next few days, he brought some over when he came to hang out like brooo 😩. He didn't say that was the reason or anything, but that would be a crazy coincidence I feel. He's also always showing me something on his phone like a video he thought was funny, a movie he liked, pop culture we talk about, music he likes, etc. He'll just appear in front of me with his phone 2.3 cm from my face saying, "look 👁👄👁". Also, we've both been talking a lot lately about how lonely we are and how we miss sleeping and cuddling with another person in the bed. I feel like I've been dropping hints, but I'm also scared to tip him off so the hints I think I'm dropping could be more like office friendly chit-chat in reality!
It should also be noted that after I got over my initial crush, I didn't find him attractive. I really didn't find him attractive when I had a crush tbh. He's definitely not my usual type at all; I'm a fat bi girl who usually goes for masc women or feminine men and he's a short skinny lil fella with a permed mullet 😭. I'm definitely not his usual type either which is another reason I have doubts about his interest in me. He usually dates skinnier girls. I'm finally okay with my body, but if you're a fat person, you know how absolutely anxiety-inducing it is thinking about shooting your shot and someone rejecting you because of your body. I don't think he would do that, but there's still that fear there. He's also mentioned recently how he doesn't care about looks and body and I'm like 🤨 you hinting at something?? Cause I've talked to him before about struggling with loving my body so he knows im self-conscious about it at times. I'm also hesitant because besides Tina, he's my best friend in the world. I would never want to do anything to jeopardize that friendship. I've been trying to get over it and/or ignore it. But, God, idk what to do anymore. It's driving me insane, and I hate that I'm looking for things and reading into things. And I feel like I'm acting weird or changing my behavior which sucks cause it's hard to control cause I'm nervous. But, I really don't think it's all in my head. I don't even know if I want to pursue anything and change our relationship forever, but I feel like I'm going crazy. If anyone has any insight or advice, it would be much appreciated. Thanks a bunch!
TL;DR: I (24F) think I'm in love with my guy best friend (25). We met when I was 20, and I think he may be flirting and secretly feel the same, but I truly can't tell. We hang out almost everyday, but I don't want to be seeing things that aren't really happening. I also don't want to ruin our friendship. I would really just like some insight on the situation or advice on how to tell if he's also interested. TIA! 🫶
submitted by Strong-Guess3986 to relationships [link] [comments]
Ok, SO me (24F) and my guy best friend (25M) have known each other since about sophomore year of college. Let's call him Tony alright. I met him through my college roommate and best friend, we'll call her Tina (Tony is Tina's cousin's husband's best friend). He went to a different college in a city about 2 1/2 hours away, but he came and hung out with his friend a lot and he lived with them during COVID. I'm a pretty socially awkward and shy person so it takes me a while to get comfortable around someone and be myself so I didn't really engage with him at first. It should also be mentioned, I've never been in a relationship or in love befoe; I've been on dates and done a thing or two here and there with some people, but I've always been shy so I'm kind of a late bloomer in the relationship aspect. He is not and he's been in relationships before and has experience doing the horizontal tango; an activity I do not have experience in!
Fast forward, tail end of junior year or beginning of senior year of college we start actually interacting and I open up a bit more. I then develop a small "schoolgirl" kinda type crush because he was a new friend and funny and nice, and I never really had any guy friends growing up so it was new to me and you know the daddy issues of it all. Ok so BOOM spring break senior year right (March 2022), we go on a vacation to NOLA with our friend group. My crush is in full swing at this point and during said trip, my bff Tina and I share a hotel room with Tony and his best friend Ted (sharing bc we are poor). So we get a lot of quality time and get a lot closer as friends. Skip to May 2022, we graduate college and my BFF Tina moves to the bigger city in the state we live in (where he lives) in June (we went to college in a small town). So, naturally I go to the city a lot to visit her and so in turn we start hanging with him more frequently since he's closer now. At this point, I'm over my crush and he's just my really good friend (I promise). Fast forward to December 2022, I move to the city as well and my bff Tina and I move in together so we see him even more, and he's spending nights at our place (on the couch). We get a lot closer and the main thing we do in our friendship is talk. He's a level 100 yapper, and I didn't used to be at all until we became friends honestly, but he just brings out the yap in me. We talk about anything and everything; we even argue about a variety of topics, but it's not with malice or rudeness at all; we're just talking. He's just genuinely the easiest person to talk to I've ever met; strangers just talk to him all the time.
So now we're gonna jump to December of 2023 (sorry for the jumping around, I'm an ADHD warrior). I've had mental health issues off and on since high school, but they got worse around this time. Around this same time, he started getting depressed as well as a few months prior he had been fired from a job and his car got towed amongst other things. My BFF is also going through it.We are all just going through some trials and tribulations lemme tell ya. So, we've all been leaning on each other emotionally pretty heavily lately. Recently, he spends multiple days in a row at our house. So, I've been working through the prior mentioned mental health issues these past months and I'm think I'm finally coming out the other side. I've actually been the happiest I've been in a very long time, but I'm also still struggling a bit because I feel as though my personality has changed drastically since this ordeal or maybe I'm finally feeling secure enough in myself to show my true personality idk, but in a nutshell I'm feeling open and brave which are qualities I don't have experience in whatsoever. As I'm finding myself, I think I'm also becoming more in touch with my feelings which is how I realized I had feelings for him, but anyways back to the nitty gritty. So I'm feeling all these new feelings and all, and my crush on Tony comes back with a terrible new twist: 100% real uncut feelings 😔. But, I am terrible at reading social cues and understanding other people's feelings so I genuinely can't tell if he feels the same or not. But, ever since I've realized my feelings, I've been noticing things more. Me, Tina, and Tony have always been very open with each other in the sense that we talk about anything and everything. We talk about sex, relationships, our bodies, etc. But, lately, I feel like him and I talk even more about sex and relationships and he makes more jokes or funny remarks about sexual or romantic things between us. To be fair, I have too (😝), so it may just be in response, but come on, it's to the point like, we jokin anymore?? So, the other day, I was joking about how I was gonna be a virgin at 40, and he said, "Nah, we'll figure something out before then." like what you mean by that?? And another time, we were riding in the backseat together, and the whole car was talking about eating a girl's kitty cat and I had made a joke about not knowing the feeling and he said, "What?? That's so sad bro" and then under his breath said, "we'll have to do something about it" like huh???? And I also have this crop top with butterflies on it that may be a lil revealing (🙈) that he complimented when he first saw me wear it. And now, whenever I wear it, he'll say something about it like, "Ohhh, return of the shirt" or something along those lines. Also a while back, I had told him about how my late grandpa would always sneak me Ho-Hos as a kid and how I missed him a lot, and in the next few days, he brought some over when he came to hang out like brooo 😩. He didn't say that was the reason or anything, but that would be a crazy coincidence I feel. He's also always showing me something on his phone like a video he thought was funny, a movie he liked, pop culture we talk about, music he likes, etc. He'll just appear in front of me with his phone 2.3 cm from my face saying, "look 👁👄👁". Also, we've both been talking a lot lately about how lonely we are and how we miss sleeping and cuddling with another person in the bed. I feel like I've been dropping hints, but I'm also scared to tip him off so the hints I think I'm dropping could be more like office friendly chit-chat in reality!
It should also be noted that after I got over my initial crush, I didn't find him attractive. I really didn't find him attractive when I had a crush tbh. He's definitely not my usual type at all; I'm a fat bi girl who usually goes for masc women or feminine men and he's a short skinny lil fella with a permed mullet 😭. I'm definitely not his usual type either which is another reason I have doubts about his interest in me. He usually dates skinnier girls. I'm finally okay with my body, but if you're a fat person, you know how absolutely anxiety-inducing it is thinking about shooting your shot and someone rejecting you because of your body. I don't think he would do that, but there's still that fear there. He's also mentioned recently how he doesn't care about looks and body and I'm like 🤨 you hinting at something?? Cause I've talked to him before about struggling with loving my body so he knows im self-conscious about it at times. I'm also hesitant because besides Tina, he's my best friend in the world. I would never want to do anything to jeopardize that friendship. I've been trying to get over it and/or ignore it. But, God, idk what to do anymore. It's driving me insane, and I hate that I'm looking for things and reading into things. And I feel like I'm acting weird or changing my behavior which sucks cause it's hard to control cause I'm nervous. But, I really don't think it's all in my head. I don't even know if I want to pursue anything and change our relationship forever, but I feel like I'm going crazy. If anyone has any insight or advice, it would be much appreciated. Thanks a bunch!
TL;DR: I (24F) think I'm in love with my guy best friend (25). We met when I was 20, and I think he may be flirting and secretly feel the same, but I truly can't tell. We hang out almost everyday, but I don't want to be seeing things that aren't really happening. I also don't want to ruin our friendship. I would really just like some insight on the situation or advice on how to tell if he's also interested. TIA! 🫶
2024.05.21 13:02 Comfortable_Fish_616 Tips about career and financial stuffs
Hi,
I'm Daniel from Spain, and I'll be turning 15 this month. With my birthday coming up, I've been thinking a lot about my future. Like many others my age, I don't really have any clear ideas about what I want to be when I grow up, and I know very little about financial matters. For example, I'm unsure about things like banks, credit cards, interest, rent, and managing money.
In school, I'm taking a course called "Informatik" (Computer Science). I'm interested in it, but I'm not sure if I'm creative enough to pursue a career in this field. I also play football as a hobby, but I don't think it’s a viable career path for me.
I moved to Germany in Mönchengladnach three years ago and have learned the language quite well. I'm currently attending a Realschule, and if everything goes well, I have two more years to go. I know I need to decide what kind of place I want to study at next, but I’m not sure about my options and what they involve.
My main goal is to have a stable life. I don’t aspire to be a millionaire, but I definitely don't want to end up homeless. This is why I need to understand financial matters better. My parents say that many parents expect their children to start living independently once they turn 18. I want to be prepared for that.
My parents, who are from Africa, didn't have the same educational opportunities that I have. I don’t want to work extremely long hours just to make ends meet. I also don’t plan to have a partner right now, as I’ve heard that can be expensive.
So, if anyone reads this, could you please give me some tips on choosing a career and managing finances effectively? I’d really appreciate any advice.
Thank you,
Daniel
submitted by Comfortable_Fish_616 to AskAGerman [link] [comments]
I'm Daniel from Spain, and I'll be turning 15 this month. With my birthday coming up, I've been thinking a lot about my future. Like many others my age, I don't really have any clear ideas about what I want to be when I grow up, and I know very little about financial matters. For example, I'm unsure about things like banks, credit cards, interest, rent, and managing money.
In school, I'm taking a course called "Informatik" (Computer Science). I'm interested in it, but I'm not sure if I'm creative enough to pursue a career in this field. I also play football as a hobby, but I don't think it’s a viable career path for me.
I moved to Germany in Mönchengladnach three years ago and have learned the language quite well. I'm currently attending a Realschule, and if everything goes well, I have two more years to go. I know I need to decide what kind of place I want to study at next, but I’m not sure about my options and what they involve.
My main goal is to have a stable life. I don’t aspire to be a millionaire, but I definitely don't want to end up homeless. This is why I need to understand financial matters better. My parents say that many parents expect their children to start living independently once they turn 18. I want to be prepared for that.
My parents, who are from Africa, didn't have the same educational opportunities that I have. I don’t want to work extremely long hours just to make ends meet. I also don’t plan to have a partner right now, as I’ve heard that can be expensive.
So, if anyone reads this, could you please give me some tips on choosing a career and managing finances effectively? I’d really appreciate any advice.
Thank you,
Daniel
2024.05.21 12:54 Doonpublicschool000 Best public schools in paschim vihar
Paschim Vihar is the hub area of the best public school.. This area is known for its wide and clean roads, greenery and many options for living. Here you will find everything from big bungalows to modern flats. Due to metro and good transport system, people living here do not face any problem in commuting. Besides, there are also shopping centres, hospitals, entertainment venues and restaurants. The presence of good schools and colleges makes the area even more attractive, making it a great place for families who want to provide their children with a good education and enjoy a high standard of living.
submitted by Doonpublicschool000 to u/Doonpublicschool000 [link] [comments]
Importance of Choosing the Right Public School for Children’s Education
It is very important to choose the best public school in paschim vihar for your child's education. This decision greatly affects their education, progress and future. Let's find out why:- Good start: A best school inculcates the habit of learning and curiosity in children. This gives them basic understanding of difficult subjects, which is beneficial for further studies and competitive examinations.
- Good teachers: best Experienced and dedicated teachers give the right direction to the child's education. They not only impart knowledge but also inspire children to reach their full potential.
- All round development: Best Education does not mean just reading books. best schools also pays attention to activities like sports, art and music. This brings out the hidden talents of children, strengthens their teamwork skills and develops leadership qualities.
- Infrastructure: Modern buildings, facilities like library, lab and playground create an environment for children to learn. This helps in meeting their different learning needs.
- Social and emotional development: Best Schools also play an important role in the social and emotional development of children. best schools inculcates values like respect, sympathy and cooperation in children. This gives them the skills to build strong social relationships and understand emotions.
- Parental involvement: Best schools also involve parents in the learning process. With this, parents can keep an eye on the child's progress and resolve any problems quickly.
- Safety: Children's safety is of utmost importance. Good schools enforce strict safety rules and keep the school premises safe. This keeps parents at peace and children learn and grow without any fear.
- Long-term impact: The choice of best school has a long-term impact on a child's career and life. From good schools, children get support from old students, get information about different career paths and get good values. These benefits remain useful to them even after finishing school.
Criteria for choosing a public school in Paschim Vihar
1.Exam Results: How has been the performance of schools children in the last years? To know this, see the exam results of previous years. This shows how helpful the school is in making children successful in examinations.2.Reputation of the school: Talk to people nearby and other schools and try to know what kind of image this schools has. If the school has a good reputation, it means that the children there will get good education. 3. Infrastructure and Facilities: Check the classrooms, laboratories, libraries and recreation areas: Inspect the physical structure of the schools. There should be adequate light and air in the classrooms. Laboratories should have necessary equipment for science related experiments. The library should have adequate books and resources on various subjects. It is also beneficial to have recreational areas like play grounds, indoor game rooms etc. Make sure that classrooms, laboratories and toilets are clean and well maintained. Broken furniture or poor lighting can affect the learning environment.Best public school in paschim vihar : Doon Public School
Choosing the right best school in paschim vihar for your child's education is a very important decision. This decision decides their future. Doon Public School is one of the best public schools in Paschim Vihar. This school is known for good education, all-round development and providing a good environment to children. Let us know why Doon Public School in paschim vihar is the best option for parents living in Paschim Vihar.Over the years, best Doon Public School has made its name in education. Every year the children here score good marks in the examinations, many children even get top rank and later become successful in major examinations also.The school focuses on a rigorous but broad curriculum, preparing children for further study and the challenges of life.Large classrooms built for teaching using modern methods, good library, science and computer labs with new technology and large playgrounds together create a good learning environment for children.The school also promotes the use of technology in studies, so that children enjoy studying and can learn more.Why Choose Doon Public School in Paschim Vihar?
- Legacy of Excellence: With a long tradition of academic excellence and holistic education, Doon Public School in paschim vihar has earned the trust and respect of the community.
- Comprehensive Development: The school's balanced focus on academics, extra-curricular activities and character building ensures that students receive an all-round education.
- Community and Values: Doon Public School in paschim vihar fosters a strong community spirit, inculcate values such as respect, honesty and social responsibility in its students.
- Future-ready education: By integrating technology and modern teaching methods, the school prepares students to succeed in a rapidly changing world.
- Individual Attention: Favorable student-teacher ratios and dedicated faculty ensure that each student's specific needs are met, promoting personal growth and success.
Conclusion
The education and development of the child depend on the choice of the best public schools. Paschim Vihar is a great area for kids to grow up because it offers nice houses and modern amenities. Of all the schools there, Doon Public School in paschim vihar is the best option because it will give pupils an extensive and excellent education.Best Doon Public School in paschim vihar is top in studies and a school with modern facilities. Here, experienced teachers teach in new ways and provide not only books but also activities like sports. Children are taught using technology so that they are prepared for future challenges. Children's personal growth is aided by the school's positive atmosphere and moral principles.You can be confident that your child is in an atmosphere that will prepare them for success and a bright future if you send them to Doon Public School. A Doon Public School in paschim vihar education is an investment in your child's future.2024.05.21 12:51 aarvyedutech How do I become a full-stack developer?
 | A Comprehensive Guide: How to Become a Full-Stack Developer submitted by aarvyedutech to u/aarvyedutech [link] [comments] Became a full stack With the tech world constantly on the move, full-stack developers are the new rockstars. These programming wizards can craft both the user interface (the part you see) and the inner workings of web apps, making them goldmines for businesses. Because they can speed up development and create amazing user experiences, companies are in a hiring frenzy to snag them. So, if you're a student dreaming of becoming a full-stack developer, get ready for an adventure! It won't be a breeze, but the potential for career growth is outstanding. This guide will be your map, outlining the strategies and steps you'll need to navigate your way into this exciting and in-demand field. Understanding the Role of a Full-Stack Developer Hold on! Before we jump into the nitty-gritty, let's nail down what a full-stack developer does. These tech pros are like masters of two worlds: the user-facing interfaces you see and interact with (front-end), and the behind-the-scenes logic that makes everything work (back-end). This means they can handle everything from designing how things look to managing databases and keeping the server running smoothly. Alright, we've got a full picture of what a full-stack developer does. Now, let's break down the key areas they need to master: Making it Pretty: This is the front end, all about the visual elements users interact with. Think HTML, CSS, and JavaScript, along with fancy tools like React, Angular, or Vue.js to make it all sing. Behind the Scenes: This is the back-end, where the server magic happens. Here, full-stack developers build the core functions using technologies like Node.js, Python (with Django or Flask for extra power), Ruby on Rails, or PHP. Data Doctor: Full-stack developers gotta keep all that user data organised! They'll need to be familiar with databases like MySQL, PostgreSQL, MongoDB, or Firebase to store and grab info efficiently. Version Control Champs: Working with others and keeping track of code changes is essential. That's where Git, a version control system, comes in. Full-stack developers gotta be pros at using it. ## Strategy 1: Master the Fundamentals Imagine you want to be a web-building ninja, but before you can unleash your skills, you need some serious training. That's where HTML, CSS, and JavaScript come in. These are the basic building blocks for creating the cool interfaces users see and interact with on websites. Think of them as your Legos! Luckily, there are tons of ways to learn this stuff, like online tutorials, coding boot camps (think summer camp, but for coding!), or even just a good book. Find what works best for you, then dive in and practice like crazy. The best way to learn is by doing, so build some small projects to play around with and get comfortable with these core concepts. ## Strategy 2: Choose Your Stack Wisely As a full-stack developer, you'll need to choose a technology stack that aligns with your interests and career goals. Research different stacks and consider factors such as industry demand, community support, and scalability. Some popular technology stacks for full-stack development include: MEAN Stack (MongoDB, Express.js, Angular, Node.js): Ideal for building dynamic and feature-rich web applications. MERN Stack (MongoDB, Express.js, React, Node.js): Similar to MEAN stack but uses React for front-end development. LAMP Stack (Linux, Apache, MySQL, PHP/Python/Perl): Commonly used for traditional web development projects. Django Stack (Python, Django, PostgreSQL/SQLite): Great for rapid development of secure and scalable web applications. Choose a stack that resonates with you and dive deeper into mastering its components. ## Strategy 3: Gain Hands-On ExperienceOkay, so we talked about building the knowledge foundation, but being a full-stack developer is all about applying that knowledge in the real world. Here's how to get your hands dirty:Real World Bootcamp: Look for internships, freelance work, or even just personal projects to test your skills on real problems. Open Source Hero: Join open-source projects on platforms like GitHub. This lets you collaborate with experienced developers, learn from them, and show off your skills to potential employers all at once! Project Runway (for Code): Put your knowledge to the test and unleash your creativity by building your projects. This is a fantastic way to showcase your problem-solving skills and build a portfolio that will make you a rockstar applicant. ## Strategy 4: Stay Updated with Emerging Technologies The world of web development moves fast, with new tools and tricks popping up all the time. To stay on top of your game, you'll need to be a lifelong learner. Here's how to become a web dev news junkie: Follow the Gurus: Subscribe to industry blogs written by web development experts. Webinars on Demand: Attend online workshops and presentations to learn about the latest advancements. Join the Club: Participate in online developer communities to chat with other developers and stay in the loop. Don't just read about the cool new stuff, try it out! Experiment with new technologies and frameworks to keep your skills sharp and adapt to the ever-changing needs of the industry. ## Strategy 5: Cultivate Soft Skills Team Player: You'll need to communicate clearly with your teammates and explain technical stuff to people who don't code. Brushing up on your communication skills is key! Puzzle Master: Problem-solving and critical thinking are essential for tackling those inevitable development roadblocks. Time Ninja: Staying organised and managing your time well will help you meet deadlines and deliver high-quality work. No more all-nighters for this developer! ## Strategy 6: Continuous Learning and Growth Keep the Learning Flame Alive: This journey is all about continuous growth. Always be on the hunt for new knowledge! Dive into advanced web development concepts like serverless architecture, microservices, and progressive web apps. Consider certifications or advanced courses to truly master specific areas of full-stack development and become an expert. Join the Developer Crew: Don't go it alone! Network with other developers and industry professionals. Bounce ideas around, find a mentor for guidance, and stay motivated throughout your journey. Remember, collaboration is a fantastic way to learn and grow as a developer! ## Conclusion So you want to be a full-stack developer? That's awesome! It's a challenging path, but super rewarding if you're up for it. Just like any adventure, it takes dedication, perseverance, and a genuine love for learning. Here's the trick: equip yourself with the basics first, like a strong foundation in coding. Then, pick the right tools for the job, kind of like choosing your gear for a hike. To truly level up, get your hands dirty with real projects. It's like learning to ride a bike - you gotta practice! The tech world moves fast, so staying on top of new trends is key. Don't forget, that communication, teamwork, and problem-solving are your secret weapons - essential for any developer. The most important thing? Never stop learning! Embrace the journey, and keep getting better every day. There will be obstacles, but each one will make you a stronger developer. Stay curious, stay motivated, and keep pushing yourself to be the best. The world of full-stack development is waiting for you, and with the right approach, you can totally crush it! |