Stool gets collected in anus but i can't pass it no matter how hard I try, sometimes i have to use enema or use my finger to open the rectum in order to pass the stool, my parents think I am crazy for me thinking of bio feedback also they think it's an age related problem and exercise to should help and alternative medicines will strengthen the muscles and nerves according to them, i don't know how do I explain the agony of me having to use my finger to to stimulate stool passage 😞
Note: I was diagnosed with TM in November last year symptoms got better but I still have difficulty passing stool and can't empty my bladder fully and urine stream is quite weak.

Chapter 1

Concept art for Sybil
Of Men and Ghost Ships, Book 1: Chapter 21
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As Carter walked onto the bridge, he was surprised that only the girl was present, but he decided to shrug it off. Maybe they were having fun observing their new toy ant colony or whatever the vixen would call the cockroach equivalent. Instead, he spoke to the Sybil who was present. "Well, now that everyone's settled in, so to speak, how do we go about unloading them?"
Instead of adjusting her glasses and launching into an analytical assessment as he expected, the girl looked at Carter with a raised eyebrow. "You want to get rid of them so soon? After being stuck with us for the last few weeks, I figured you'd be with them, enjoying some human company."
Carter shrugged. "This may surprise you, but despite seeking out the glamorous lifestyle of a solo cargo hauler, I'm not much of a people person. I'm not saying I'm a huge fan of empty halls and dust-filled rooms, but I'm not looking into making several dozen new friends, either."
The girl shrugged. "As you prefer, though these may very well be the last people you'll have a chance to get to know."
When Carter didn't say anything, she continued. "Well, unloading them isn't as easy as flying to a space station and dropping them off. It may have been a while, but I'm sure the local governments still have at least some record of all our pirate activity over the years. It might be better to wait until we come across a cargoship of some kind and drop them off there."
Carter laughed. "Yeah, I'm sure any captain would be delighted to take on a whole extra crew's worth of mouths to feed when they have little to offer in return. Not to mention the difficulty of even getting someone to stay and listen long enough to ask. Maybe the new guys never heard of you, but almost anyone who's been in the game long enough to become a captain will know of the stories and rumors about the Sybil. As soon as we show up, any sane captain will either run or shoot first and ask questions later!"
The girl smiled, though this smile would probably be more at home on the vixen's face. "Yes, that has been our general experience as well. So what is it you suggest, Captain?"
Carter stopped and thought about it a moment. "Well, you need to hunt ships to repair and maintain yourself anyway, right? If we take one in good enough condition, we could just give it to them and let them fly off on their own..."
The girl looked bemused. "Quite generous of you to just let them have an entire ship just like that."
Carter shrugged. "Listen, I'm not saying we give them a battleship or some state-of-the-art freighter, but pirates tend to convert anything they can get their hands on into some sort of fighting vessel, whether it's in good shape or a junker. We can probably find some old, beaten-down freighter that's not worth the resources to consume and let them have that. It won't be glorious, but it should get them to a nearby colony or station, and they can figure it out from there."
Now, the girl seemed inscrutable. "So, you want us to become pirate hunters now? Like some sort of do-gooders from a children's cartoon?"
Carter shook his head, then stopped and thought about it. "No... Well, not quite, anyway. Listen, I'm not looking to take on any more than we can chew, and I'm definitely not interested in risking life and limb for a bunch of people I've never met, but this way, we can satisfy everyone's needs and not take it out on a bunch of people who are just trying to get by same as us. It'll get you the resources you need, get the pirate the fight he craves, and let the vixen torment lowlifes to her heart's content. It's what we call a win-win...win."
The girl looked bemused again. "The pirate and...vixen..?"
Carter sighed and rolled his eyes. "Hey, I gotta call you all something other than Sybil. You might all share one mind and memory, but you're all very different people to me. What did you want me to do? Call you all Sybil? That would get confusing real quick!"
The girl laughed. "I suppose, given your... limited perception, that makes sense. So, what's your little nickname for this version of me?"
Carter wondered briefly if he was talking to the vixen in disguise, but despite her choice of words, it lacked the edge or condescension she usually had. Instead, he decided to just answer. "The girl, I suppose."
This time, the girl looked mildly offended. "'The girl?' Really? I'm almost surprised you didn't choose something really witty like four eyes or bookworm!"
Carter grinned. "I didn't know you liked books!"
It was the girl's turn to roll her eyes. "Not the point!"
Carter decided to take pity on her. "Well, what would you like me to call you then?"
That seemed to stump the girl. "What? Do you want me to come up with a name for myself? I already have one. I'm Sybil!"
Back where he started, Charter shrugged again. "Hey, that's fine. I respect that. But given my 'limited perception,' I still have to differentiate you somehow. I can just stick with the girl, pirate, and vixen if you prefer."
The girl shook her head. "No...I'll think about it..."
Carter grinned. "That's all I ask! For now, anyway. And while you do that, I'll go enjoy some 'human company' and have a word with our guests about what we're gonna do with them. Maybe they'll have an idea or two to offer."
-
Alen had just finished eating and was trying to think of some way to pass the time that didn't involve exercising, eating, or sleeping, which seemed to be the only three things available for the crew when Captain Carter walked into the mess hall. He looked around for a bit, then upon seeing Erik, Vanessa, and Alen, who'd taken to eating together, he seemed to brighten slightly and approach the table.
Unsure of what the Captain would want but nonetheless curious, Alen found himself interested, but after Carter laid out his plan, Alen was suddenly less interested. "You want to pick a fight with a bunch of pirates to get us a ship? Are you insane? There's got to be some backwater colony you can drop us off at!"
The Captain shrugged. "Any colony backwater enough to not have records on this ship or be a threat to us is gonna be too small to handle your crew being suddenly dumped on them without notice. Besides, this way, you all can sell the ship, and you won't be starting from nothing!"
Alen shook his head. "We won't be able to sell anything if you get us killed before you unload us! This just sounds like suicide the hard way!"
The Captain didn't seem dissuaded. "Listen, this ship has been feared for hundreds of years for a reason. We were running on fumes in that last fight and still gave them a run for their money. Next time, we won't be on the back foot. I think we'll have that ship for you sooner rather than later!"
Alen shook his head. This guy had clearly lost his mind.
Of course, that was when Erik decided to offer his two cents. "Will we be able to have any fun, or would you be doing all the fighting?"
Alen fought the urge to slam his forehead into the table. Of course, the viking alien wanted to fight. Carter seemed thoughtful. "Well, if we take any ship intact enough to give to you all, it'll probably have to be cleared out the hard way, so I imagine you'd get to get your hands a little dirty."
Erik laughed and slapped the table. "I LIKE this plan!"
Commander Reid, who'd been walking past, looked interested in their discussion. "What's this about a fight?"
Erik grinned at the smaller man. "The Captain here wants to capture a pirate ship to give to us! But we'll have to clear the decks once the Sybil has disabled it!"
The commander took a seat at their table. "What kind of weaponry and support can you give us? What kind of a ship are we talking about? What's the crew compliment?"
Alen felt the last shreds of hope fading. This was not what he'd signed up for. When he'd managed to secure an officer position aboard the Trader's Vigilance, he'd thought he'd lucked into a nice, steady gig that would give him the experience and training he'd need to one day be captain of his own trading vessel. However, instead, he'd gotten a ship full of pirate-hunting lunatics, recruited an insane alien whose whole definition of entertainment seemed to begin and end with pirate hunting, and ended up aboard a pirate-hunting ghost ship. He was in a giant floating insane asylum and surrounded by madmen. He could only hope his family would be able to find his life insurance policy and get some use out of it...
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Well, sounds like almost all of the characters have gotten to know each other. Now to see how well they all get along!
My Wiki has all my chapters and stories, including the short series and stories that I write for an occasional change of pace or style!
As a reminder, "Of Men and Dragons" Books 1 and 2 are available to purchase in e-book or physical form. (Both softcover and hardcovers are available!) Book 3 is almost done being edited, so I'll just have to get the cover art and formatting done, and it will be available to purchase as well! Hopefully, in no more than a month or two! (Barring more Amazon drama like last time... fingers crossed!)
OMAD Book 1: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B09NCPP3PP
OMAD Book 2: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CQ7FQ1ZJ

I have been doing HIIT diastasis recti safe exercises for a month and a half now and it's been 3 months since I've given birth so in theory I should be ready to start running. I ran before my pregnancy and obviously I know I need to start slow. I had a 5 finger gap after 5 days postpartum and 3 finger at 6 weeks.
Does anyone have any advice? Does anyone here run with diastasis recti?

Credit to u/SpacePaladin15 for the NOP Universe.
Hey, I hope everyone's doing well!
Today we return to the namesake of this fic, an actual lesson about animals. This one focuses on Koalas! One of Australia's most recognisable critters. I hope you enjoy.
It's hardly worth mentioning, seeing as I'm an infrequent poster at the best of times, but I'll not have another chapter out for a few weeks due to limited free time and devoting most of my writing time to an upcoming ficnapping. Be sure to look out for that!
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Memory transcription subject: Rysel, Venlil Environmental Researcher
Date [Standardised human time]: 8th September 2136
“Koalas!”
Bernard’s energised voice boomed through the air as the classroom's monitor flickered into life, images of this paws lecture topic popping up one after the other until the entire screen was filled with a collage of furry quadrupeds.
Squee! I’ll never get tired of this, it’s all so cool!
As usual the sight of something new stirred immediate discussion, hushed murmurs swelling into vibrant discourse in little more than a heartbeat. Most of the class swiftly huddled together into small herds to bounce ideas around while the rest opted to stick to the solace of their own thoughts as they took in the display.
I’d be quite happy in either situation, though seeing as Sandi had already sunk into deep concentration and Kailo had peeled off to talk with Ennerif and Solenk, it seemed the decision had been made for me on this occasion. Wasting no more time on idle inspection of the people around me, I focused my full attention forward, eager to form first impressions before the lesson began in earnest.
Now then, time to make some educated guesses. What traits does this animal have? I wonder if I’ll get any right this paw?
Professional assumptions went paw-in-paw with the lectures, examining and coming up with hypotheses about the specimens was only natural. Recently however, I’d started to make a little game of it to make things even more interesting than usual. A veritable bonfire of ideas had been set ablaze within me, fueled by my newfound knowledge of Earthen wildlife. Every flash and spark of the flame was a fresh theory I could try to apply to the lectures. It was an invigorating exercise that further stoked my unceasing wonderment.
So far I’d only done this once during the previous class and, to my disappointment, I’d not done too well.
I was right when I guessed that chickens were omnivores, but wrong in my assumption that they could fly. And that red thing on their head, the um… what was it called? The comb! Yes, the comb. I thought that was to attract mates, but it regulates body heat instead. It’s fascinating. Oh! Stars damn it I’m rambling!
I bapped my tail against my leg, the soft thud being just enough to snap me back from my runaway thoughts before I went completely wall-eyed. I was becoming more and more accustomed to getting lost in my own head while remaining conscious of the fact; it was happening so frequently now that it was pretty much impossible not to. Now I was able to pull myself back to the world around me without having to rely on someone else shaking me out of it. Most of the time anyway.
Sandi still keeps an eye on me, and Kailo even decided to help out once without being too snide about it. Anyway where was I? Oh yeah, Koalas.
Glancing at the furred animals, two things immediately stood out. Firstly, their eyes were in a more central position on their face. And second, all the images showed them being on or close to trees. There were other noteworthy observations of course, such as the Koala’s prominent nose and rounded features, but they fell to the wayside as I honed in on these points first.
Hmmm… ok. I already know to discount the idea that they’re predators just from eye position, so let’s get that thought out of here. Maybe omnivorous? Herbivore? Agh no, I can’t just guess that for the sake of guessing, that’s the same problem! Hrm, it’s tough making these assumptions now that everything I thought I knew has been turned on its head.
Nevermind, I’ll focus on the other thing. All the trees make me think they’re arboreal, that seems to be a reasonable assumption. I wonder what else they-
Clearing his throat, Bernard broke my concentration, his call for attention silencing the murmuring conversation and redirecting everyone's focus to the lecturer's podium.
His gaze panned across the room as he waited for everyone to settle, a beaming smile lighting up his face, “As ever I’m delighted to see you all get so into the subject matter from the get go. I’m looking forward to hearing what you were discussing should you wish to share. For now though, how about we get started, hm?”
A chorus of merry bleats rang out from across the audience, ears and tails flicking happily in agreement. Bernard's grin grew in tandem with the class's fervour, clasping his hands together enthusiastically as he launched into the lesson, “Excellent! Then let’s get started.”
The pictures on screen dissolved away until only one remained, enlarging to cover the entire monitor with the fluffy grey face of a Koala peacefully reclining in the crook of a tree.
“Ah, there we are,” Bernard’s baritone timbre drifted through the room as he looked up at the image, his own tone reflecting the relaxed attitude of the animal on screen, “He looks so comfortable doesn’t he? Perfectly at peace with the world, not too surprising considering they sleep almost 20 hours a day. A full paw!”
A wave of beeps and gasps rippled through the herd, punctuated by a single yawn-dressed comment from Rova, “A full paw? Hwuuu… jealous.”
Her drowsy remark elicited several whistling giggles from the herd, Bernard's own jovial chortle joining them as he turned to face her, “Late evening Rova?”
I twisted a little in my seat, panning an eye in Rova’s direction just in time to see her bleary eyes bulge open and her ears shoot up, now intensely aware of the fact she hadn’t been as quiet as she thought she had.
Sitting up abruptly, she hastily tapped down errant tufts of wool that’d flared in surprise as she composed herself, though her nervousness at becoming the centre of the class's attention was still plain for all to hear, “Uh- I um… achem, a little bit yes, um- …sorry. Lokki dragged me out to a movie viewing in the rec centre. It went on pretty late.”
A melodramatic bray from the other side of the room drew everyone's ears away from Rova to the now aghast Lokki, paw splayed across his chest in faux indignation, “Dragged you? Well excuse me for trying to broaden your horizons with human movies. That’ll be the list time I- …Ahaaaa…”
Lokki’s theatrics were cut short by a heavy yawn of his own, a swell of whistling laughter rolling through the herd as vibrant bloom lit up his snout, a sight that elicited a particularly amused bleat from Rova.
Turning away from the duo I looked back at Bernard, pleased to see that he was chuckling along with us. Behaviour like Lokki’s would never have been tolerated in my school and university days but, in stark contrast, Bernard revelled in it, the liveliness of his students fueling his own bombastic style of teaching. It was a pleasant change of pace having a teacher who let us all be ourselves in class; provided we weren’t too disruptive to the lesson plan.
Speaking of which.
His laughter still rumbling through the air, Bernard clapped his hands to pull everyone's focus back to him, “Ok, ok, let’s get back to it then shall we? Rova. Lokki. Hopefully the two of you can stay awake long enough until you can grab yourselves a coffee.”
As the class settled down and the last few giggling beeps petered out, Benard pointed a hand to the screen, “So, the Koala. Let’s start simple shall we? They are herbivorous marsupials native to the eastern and southern coasts of Australia. Easily recognised the world over, they are a well known and beloved symbol of their homeland, along with other animals such as the Kangaroo and the Emu. The former of which you might remember from one of our earlier lectures.”
Indeed I did remember, along with how angry Bernard had gotten after some speh-head had derided the Yotul after he explained how he held specific disdain for such attitudes.
Uuuggghh… I never want to see him angry again. So chilling.
I shook my ears in an effort to dismiss the unpleasant memory, panning my eyes back to the monitor to try and distract myself by inspecting the Koala’s physical appearance once more. Thankfully, by some Star's blessed intervention, Bernard had the exact same idea.
“Koala’s are rather squat in stature, ranging around sixty to eighty-five centimetres in length and weighing little more than fifteen to sixteen kilograms at their full size. As you can see, the fur of this fellow before you is a lovely silvery grey, but their fur can also sport a chocolaty brown hue as well. Arguably the most distinctive part of their appearance is their head, being rather large for their body size and having rounded ears, a large nose, and a pair of small eyes. These are often brown but variations do occur.”
It didn’t slip past my notice that Bernard didn’t bother to point out that the Koala’s eyes were forward facing. I didn’t think he’d simply forgotten, so perhaps he just felt it wasn’t necessary given that he’d already stated it was herbivorous. Either way, no one stuck up a paw or tail to question him.
“Now this will hardly be surprising considering how long they sleep, but Koala’s are largely sedentary and it’s rather easy to see why when you have a look into the contents of their diet.”
With the press of a button the Koala on screen was replaced by images of vibrant green vegetation. Soaring trees and flowering shrubbery weaved together across landscape framed pictures pulled admiring trills from the herd, the diversity of the plant life being shown standing as a reminder that it wasn’t only animal life that flourished on Earth.
After giving everyone the chance to take in the picturesque scenes, Bernard casually hammered that point home, “This is eucalyptus or, more accurately, a choice selection of more than 700 plants belonging to the eucalyptus genus, though the Koala itself favours 30 of them in particular.”
700!? Stars…
Realising that my ears had drooped in my momentary awe, I twisted them back to tune into the lesson, only for them to splay out in shock at the next words to come out of Bernard's mouth.
“The leaves of these plants are the primary food source of the Koala and there are a couple things worth mentioning when talking about these plants. For starters they do not have much nutritional or caloric value, leading to the Koala’s low-energy lifestyle. Additionally, they contain toxic compounds.”
A shiver instantly ran through the herd, ears flicking rapidly in confusion and alarm followed by a few quizzical whispers. It didn’t take long for someone to decide to give a proper voice to the murmuring.
“Excuse me Doctor. Did we hear that right? Their diet is made up of toxic flora?” Vlek’s grumbling incredulity cut through the herd's mutterings with ease. Until Kailo’s recent change of heart, the fifty something rotation old blonde Venlil had been a close second in terms of scepticism. Mercifully his rebuttals had always been relevant questions as opposed to ranting diatribes, so he at least remained on topic if nothing else.
Bernard nodded in confirmation, smiling back at Vlek while absentmindedly twirling the end of his moustache, “You heard me right, they do indeed consume plants that are toxic. Just not to them.”
Any worry or uncertainty still clinging to the herd was swept away by the provision of the glaringly obvious answer, leaving me chuckling inwardly at the oversight.
Ah of course! The plant might be poisonous but they’ll have evolved to deal with that. Stars… I’m so used to expecting the unexpected with Earth that I didn’t even consider the simplest solution.
“I see, thank you Doctor,” Vlek replied, a tinge of interest still audible in his tone, “I assume they’ve developed some adaptation to become immune to the harmful effects?”
The question immediately evoked a smirk from our teacher, but he hurriedly suppressed it while bobbing his head, “They have indeed. There are several factors that aid in their digestion of eucalyptus leaves without succumbing to the plant's baleful properties. The first is a part of the intestinal tract called the cecum. It contains a microbiome that allows the Koala to digest the eucalyptus. Coupled with this is an enzyme in the Koala’s liver that helps them break down the toxins. They are also capable of sniffing out the plants with the least amount of toxins, ensuring that they ingest as little as possible.”
Pausing for a breath Bernard looked back at the screen before turning to face us, another grin curling at the edges of his mouth as he continued with his explanation, “This is mostly for adult Koala’s, because while their young also possess these same adaptations, they don’t just go straight to munching through foliage right after being born. No, they need a little help making that jump and getting a stomach full of all that good gut bacteria. It’s nothing bad, but those of a sensitive stomach may wish to prepare themselves for this next part.”
Bernard’s assurances did little to assuage the concern that his warning had foisted upon us. Having been exposed to so much of the weirdness Earth had to offer everyone always ended up on edge whenever Bernard gave advice like this, even if he did say it in jest.
What strange nonsense thing do Koala pups do then? Judging by the way he’s acting it probably isn’t something as simple as drinking milk from the mother. Hmmm…
“So,” Bernard began, snapping us from our pensive stupor, “Young Koala’s, known as joeys, have a gestation period of thirty-five days on average, which is approximately forty-two paws. Once born they travel from the birth canal to a pouch in their mother so that they can continue to develop and grow. In the pouch the joey finds and latches onto one of two teats and these provide the newborn with a steady stream of nourishing milk. It spends the next six to seven months growing in the pouch, its eyes, ears, and fur all developing as time goes on.”
Okay, interesting. But this is exactly how I thought it’d go. What’s different?
The unexpected normalcy of the Koala’s birth and growth cycle had calmed everyone's nerves, only to be replaced with an air of suspicion as we waited with rapt attention for Bernard to drop the other claw and upend our expectations like he always did.
Not wanting to keep us in further suspense he forged ahead, the tempo of his voice picking up as the smile started to crease his face once more, “Now to make the switch from milk to eucalyptus, the mother also feeds the joey a substance called pap. It comes from the cecum I mentioned earlier, and contains all the gut bacteria required to help the young Koala in making the switch to eucalyptus.”
He stopped and looked around, searching us for a reaction to what I felt was a rather bland statement of fact. What was it he was saying without actually saying? Koala pups drink milk to mature and then include this pap substance so that they can start eating plants. I don’t see what-
The cecum is part of the intestine.
I blinked.
I blinked again, the intrusive interruption scouring my brain clean of any other thought bar the one it’d just implanted itself in the forefront of my mind.
Oh stars. They-
“They eat their own poop!?”
The shocked bleat shattered the peace of the room to reveal that most if not all of us had come to the same tail curling conclusion. As the hall filled with unrestrained vocalisations of disgust, an ‘Ugh’ over here and a ‘Blegh’ over there, Bernard’s own bellowing laughter joined the throng of voices.
“Ha! Everytime! Each and every time. Clearly it doesn’t matter if my students are Human or Venlil. Whenever someone learns about the Koala’s dietary development the reaction is the same!”
Pleased with himself beyond reason, Bernard chuckled away while the rest of us grappled with this ghastly reality. While there were plenty of animals that feasted on things that ranged from simply unappealing all the way to the stomach churningly grotesque, I’d never heard of an animal that actively consumed the excrement of its own species. Benefits aside, the prospect of having to do that to survive to adulthood sent a shiver of revulsion down my spine.
Ewww… Stars, I hope I forget this feeling by 2nd meal. They’re serving sturen and magamroot stew later. I was really looking forward to it.
With the herds mood beginning to temper Bernard tapped the podiums controls, removing the verdant collage of eucalyptus to display several similar yet distinct environments, still chortling merrily to himself in the process, “Ok then, with that little foray into their diet complete, why don’t we look at their habitat in more detail? As you might imagine given their diet and arboreal nature, Koala’s live in forested regions, and can be found in tropical and temperate zones. About a century ago they were classed as a vulnerable species, however efforts were made to turn this around and increase their numbers. Sadly the largest factor in their decline was human activity, as the fertile lands that gave rise to their bountiful forests were coveted farm land for our settlements.”
It was strange to hear Bernard so matter of factly admit to humanity's negative impacts on other species. He’d alluded to such things in the past but always with an air of caution, carefully pawing the line between honestly answering a question while not painting humanity as uncaring and destructive. AKA, the ‘predators’ we’d all initially expected them to be.
Perhaps his comfort in making such admissions was a reflection of the class's comfort with him, for no one so much as batted an ear. Even Kailo, who I would’ve expected to jump at the chance to use this as a prime example of predatory danger, only flicked an ear in stern yet silent concern.
A cough from Bernard drew my attention back, a new picture on screen that showed a forest from a bird's-eye view. Drawn across the image were around a dozen ringed areas, some bordering one another while others overlapped to some degree. It took me a moment, but I soon recognised that what I was looking at was a map, the rings representing what I assumed to be territories. And it didn’t take much effort to guess who each one belonged to.
“From habitats we move onto behaviours, so let’s start with territories. Koala’s are solitary animals. Yes, despite being herbivores. Considering they’re only awake for roughly four hours of the day I can hardly blame them. Lots to do and not a lot of time to do it. Jokes aside, once they mature they are quite independent, carving out a little slice of land for themselves, as displayed in this example, called a Home Range. That is not to say they go it alone and leave everything else behind however. Rather, as shown in the map behind me, they live in their own space while still being part of a larger social group.”
With another press of his pad the picture was updated to show one of two symbols in each segment, along with a key to the side of the map displayed in helpful Venlang. A quick glance told me that the symbols were representing whether the territory belonged to a male or female of the species.
“As you can see there is quite a bit of overlap between different Koala’s territories. It is in these areas that most of the socialising takes place between neighbours. The trees in these locations represent the few areas where intrusion across territories is acceptable for the sake of social interaction. Outside of that the Koala’s stick to their own territories for the most part, with the exceptions of Koala’s who are passing through, attempting to become part of the social group themselves, or dominant males who sometimes go off into another Koala’s range. But how do they know where one range begins and another range ends you might ask? Well, this brings us onto the next part of the lecture. How do Koala’s communicate?”
Wiping away the map from the monitor, Bernard loaded up a video of a Koala sitting in a tree and pressed play. Head held high, the Koala’s body shook as it belted out a reverberating call into the wilderness that could only be described as a garbled combination of a car engine failing to turn over mixed with the hiccups of someone with a particularly sore throat.
That’s how they sound? Oof that must be rough on the lungs.
I clearly wasn’t the only one to share such a thought, because I clocked Sandi tracing a paw along her neck as the noise went on, ears fluttering in discomfort at the noise.
Bernard himself cleared his own throat as the video came to an end, minimising it and replacing it with another image of a tree with a Koala rubbing up against the bark, “I think they’ve got me beat on who’s got the deeper voice!”
His joke garnered several amused beeps, a rare reaction that caused a beaming smile to shine across his face at lighting speed, “Oh you’re too kind. I’ll be here all week. Now where were we? Oh yes! Communication. As you’ve just heard, Koala’s are capable of loud low pitched bellows that can carry over vast distances. These express everything from ‘Hello I’m over here’ to ‘This is my turf, stay away’. Bellowing is more common in the males than the females, opting for shouting matches as opposed to outright fights when it comes to asserting dominance. Other vocal expressions include grunts, wails, and snarls if they’re acting particularly angsty. Mother and joey pairs also communicate through gentle clicking, squeaking, and murmuring sounds. And there’s one more thing worth mentioning. Something they have in common with Humans and Venlil when it comes to emoting.”
Really? They do something we do?
Curious, I pressed myself against the desk, straining as close as I could to once more scrutinise the Koala’s features. Not a lot stood out to me at first, the grey marsupial not sharing many similarities with a Venlil that I could identify.
Ok think. We show emotion with our ears, tails, and our wool on occasion. They don’t have tails so it’s obviously not that. Wool standing on end is more a reaction than a conscious expression. So it must be the ears then.
To my quiet satisfaction, my hunch was soon validated by Bernard, “As well as their vocalisations, Koala’s are very emotive through their facial features. Just like humans, they use their mouths and lips to show how they feel, but these tend more towards the aggressive side of the scale than what you might see on a human. Regarding yourselves however, Koala’s utilise their ears in tandem with their mouth movements when showing strong emotion.”
I was delighted to hear that my assumption was correct, a little happy flick twisting out through my tail and bapping against my chair with a muted thump against the plastic.
Hehe yes! Got one right!
“Now then, we are getting close to lunchtime so I’ll finish this segment off with something I think you’ll find particularly interesting. Diplomacy.”
Perplexed mutterings followed in the wake of the bizarre inclusion to the lecture, my own thoughts being dominated by bewilderment as I tried and failed to make sense of how the two could possibly be related.
Why would Koala’s, or any animal for that matter, be linked to diplomacy? Hmmm...
I could understand dispatching exterminators to deal with a predator issue as a show of goodwill, that at least includes animals, but Humans aren’t like that so I think I can safely scratch that off the list.
Maybe the humans who live in that region benefited from Koala’s in some way. Could they have gotten something from them? But what?
Hopefully not what the pups get from their mothers.
Agh no! Begone awful intrusive thoughts. Blegh! I don’t need that in my head.
As I wrestled with the short-lived revulsion inflicted upon me by my Star's damned subconscious, Bernard placed a new image on screen, one that was decidedly different from all that had preceded it.
On screen were more than a couple dozen pictures of humans. Some were pictured alone while others congregated in large groups while cameras surrounded them from all angles. Across all the images, I noted two common themes. First of all, a solid majority of the humans were wearing formal wear similar to what I’d seen worn by UN representatives on TV. If the gaggle of journalists in the background of the photos didn’t already confirm my suspicions, then it was this similarity which made me conclude they were all people of some importance. Likely politicians judging from context clues.
Secondly, each of the individuals was interacting with a Koala in some form. Some cradled one against their chests while others were feeding it eucalyptus leaves or pellets of some kind. One of the assumed politicians had become an impromptu bed for a snoozing bundle of fur, a gleeful smile spread across their face as they lovingly gazed down at the sleeping Koala in their lap.
As I continued to stare at the assorted photos something clicked into place, a sudden spark flickering into life. A burgeoning light of comprehension that flared and swelled with every wide-eyed breath I took. Some things still escaped me, things I hoped would soon be explained, but in staring at all of the humans happy smiling faces, I was struck with an instant of pure understanding.
If someone, say a Nevok for instance, offered to gift me a creature that was common to them but which might exotic and breathtaking to a Venlil, how could my feelings not be swayed? How could I walk away from that encounter and not have grown closer to them as a result?
“Koala diplomacy,” Bernard waved his hand up at the monitor, a slight reverence in his tone, “My favourite kind of soft power diplomacy. Where political leaders take photo ops with Koala’s and, on occasion, the Australian government loans Koala’s to other nations for a time to bolster positive relations. It certainly helps that Koala’s are a beloved animal worldwide, drawing large crowds and revenue for countries fortunate enough to host the adorable critters.”
The truly alien concept predictably sparked instant discussion in the herd, two polar opposite schools of thought swiftly cementing themselves as the most popular opinions. Simultaneously, I heard one voice trill excitedly while another scoffed at what they clearly saw as a ridiculous and offensive notion.
“Squee! That’d be so cool! I’d love to get the chance to see a Liri from Coila. Remember the Rainbow Boa? Think of that shimmering effect and colour but put it on a bird! Ah! I’ve only heard their song on video. It’d be a treat to hear it in person!”
Ooo! I’ve read about them! I’d love to get up close to one.
“Loaning. As if animals are property to be hoarded and traded? Pugh! Another predatory trait the humans don’t want to acknowledge for what it is.”
Ugh, typical. Jump right to the worst possible option.
However, despite my dismissal of their disparaging fumings, an uncomfortable thought pressed upon my mind. While it was plain to see how much humans cared for the Koala, it didn’t change the fact that humans did keep animals as property just as the scornful herd member had said.
This begged a rather important, disquieting question. Aside from keeping some animals as cattle, a stomach tightening minefield I had no desire to step a claw onto right now, how else did humans keep other creatures. And how did they treat them?
Before I was fully conscious of doing it my paw was in the air, the question primed on my tongue.
Noticing my elevated paw Bernard pointed at me, smiling warmly, “Yes Rysel? What’s on your mind?”
Sorry Bernard. I hope this one’s not too awkward for you to answer.
Flicking my ear in appreciation, and waiting for everyone to settle enough so that I could be heard, I voiced my concerns as neutrally as possible, “Thank you Doctor. I uh, just had a thought. We know that humans keep certain animals for… particular reasons, and we know why. From how you’ve spoken about Koala’s I think it's fair to say that the same cannot be said for them. However, this makes me wonder, what other reasons do humans have for keeping animals and how do you treat them?”
A flash of surprise blinked across Bernard's eyes but vanished so quickly that it felt like I’d imagined it. Had he not expected such a question? Maybe he was just shocked that it’d been me who’d ended up asking it?
Stars, am I so predictable that no one expects me to ask difficult questions?
Unfortunately, a quick glance at my deskmates seemed to prove that to be the case, as both Sandi and Kailo were looking at me with differing degrees of astonishment flapping in their ears.
Well speh.
“A very good point Rysel, certainly one that’s worth raising. Yet another example of you all anticipating what I have to say before I can bring it up myself.” Bernard tapped the podium, switching off the monitor before returning his focus to me, “We won’t be needing that. I’ve nothing prepared that I can show you and we’re heading to lunch in a few minutes anyway. Still, that’s plenty of time to give you a bit of an answer.”
A bit? What does he mean just a bit?
Made even more curious by Bernard's preempted admission that he wasn’t going to fully answer my query, I dialled both my ears on him, fixing him with an inquisitive stare as he started to explain with a tone that was noticeably more nonchalant than any of his previous explanations.
“So, animals in captivity for reasons other than what you already know. Honestly I would love to delve into other reasons regarding why we keep animals. However, I have a lesson plan in the works that I hope to share with you all in the not too distant future. Some of it touches upon this very topic and I’d quite like to bundle it all together. That said, I can tell you how animals in captivity are treated. In short, the answer is very well. There are a mountain of laws both on private and public interests that govern the standards and ethical treatment of animals, and breaches of these laws are quite severe even for relatively minor infractions.”
While I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t disappointed by the vague answer to what was really the bulk of my question, I was at least satisfied by Bernard’s assurances that animals in captivity, such as the Koala, were well looked after. Considering the barely subdued grumbling coming from some corners of the audience it was clear that several of the herd didn’t believe Bernard outright, but I trusted him to be honest. Additionally, the mention of an upcoming lecture focused on humans keeping animals caused quite the buzz.
I felt a mix of excitement and trepidation at exploring the topic further. He’d pretty much confirmed we wouldn’t be talking about cattle farms, for which I was relieved, but that still left a huge amount of uncertainty in what was to come.
Humans keeping animals as cattle was a forgone conclusion. As horrifying as that reality was, it was one I could understand from a detached and strictly clinical point of view. Being predators they ate meat and therefore they kept cattle. But the concept of keeping animals for any other reason baffled me.
What could be the purpose? The diplomacy thing makes sense now that I have context, but what other reasons could they have.
The class's discussions were interrupted by the recognisable ring of the break bell, the shift in attention eliciting a change in conversation from confused hypotheses to peppy conversation on how everyone was planning to spend their break and what they had in mind for 2nd meal.
“Well I can see everyone’s excited for lunch, and who am I to disappoint,” chuckling Bernard waved us all up from our seats, pocketing his pad from the podium and heading to open the classroom door for us, “Enjoy your break, get a good rest along with a hearty meal, and I’ll see you all back here at the usual time.”
As everyone else filed out I stayed behind, waving at Sandi and Kailo as they left, and pawing over to Bernard once he and I were the only ones left in the room.
Ears folded down and with an apologetic tinge in my voice I greeted him as I sidled up to him, “Hey Bernard, I uh… sorry if that last question was unexpected.”
Chortling in reply, Bernard waved a hand through the air in a sign I’d come to understand meant ‘not a problem’.
“No need to apologise Rysel. It was a good question and most certainly not a problem.”
Heh, called it.
I sighed, allowing tension I didn’t realise I’d been holding to relax itself from my shoulders, “Phew, that’s a relief. I’m glad. I’m curious to hear what this new lesson is you’ve got in store for us by the way.”
Bernard wagged a finger at me, throwing up his eyebrows in mock amazement, “Oh are you now? Well I’m afraid you’ll have to remain curious for the time being. It’s going to be quite the surprise if all goes to plan. But…”
He trailed off, glancing at me before looking to the door like he was making sure no one else was around.
Wait, is he going to tell me? Oh please yes let me know now!
Stopping myself from jumping on the spot in excited anticipation, and trying my damndest to stop my tail from wagging in equal measure, I stared up at Bernard as he stewed in his thoughts before turning back to face me.
“I can’t tell you the specifics, but I’m working with Alejandro and Tolim to get something together. A trip that’s not a trip as it were. And when it happens, I’m going to need a few of the more accepting members of the class to lend me a hand. I’m hoping you and a couple others will be able to help with that?”
A trip that’s not a trip? What does that mean? Agh who cares about that right now! Bernard’s relying on me to help out!
Still trying not to keep myself from bouncing around with pup like glee I swished my tail and nodded my head in joint agreement, happy to help with whatever Bernard had in store for us, “Of course! Anything you need I’ll be there to lend a paw. You can count on me!”
A broad warm smile lit up Bernard's face, a hand patting me on the shoulder in appreciation, “Thank you Rysel. I knew I could rely on you but it still warms my heart to hear it. And, as thanks for this and for the many times you’ve shown your support, the surprise includes a little something special I think you’d appreciate the most.”
If my earlier enthusiasm had been at a nine, then the implication of a supposed gift sent it rocketing all the way to a hundred in a heartbeat.
“Wait… WHAT!? What do you mean? What are you doing?”
As impossible as it seemed, Bernard's grin grew even wider as I almost lost myself in wool shaking exhilaration, “Call it my own form of Koala diplomacy. But I’m afraid that’s all I can say for now. Wouldn’t want to ruin the surprise even for you!”
“Oh you ass!” Whistling jovially I bapped my tail against Bernard’s leg in fake indignation, evoking a barking bellowing laugh from the man himself.
Still laughing, the two of us departed the class and made for the canteen, my rumbling stomach leading me on while my mind spun with fantastical thoughts as to what Bernard had prepared for us.
And what specifically he had in store for me.

In 2018, I went to see a psychiatrist, a "doctor" after an episode in which I was awake for most of a week, with at most 5-8 hours of sleep, and woke up feeling my brain was on fire.
In the one or two months after that, I started to recover slowly. I wasn't fully aware of it at the time, but I had started to suspect I was bipolar, which I now know I am. Looking back, in my early 20s, I started to get hypomanic highs one to two times a month, and also, from what I now know, very likely fueled by the food I was eating at the time.
My mom, on the recommendation of her psychologist at the time, took me to a psychiatrist 2-3 months after the incident, who put me on 3-4 drugs, including an atypical antipsychotic, Saphris, which "rebalances" dopamine and serotonin in the brain, sertraline, and one or two others I can't remember, one may have been buproprion.
I was on these for about one and a half years, from 2018 (autumn I think) to April of 2020. During that time, I lost nearly all my motivation and energy, my libido essentially died, I used to have a certain "sheen" as best as I can describe it that I would see around many objects, trees and forests in particular, and that went away, I could no longer feel happiness, I became emotionally dead inside. My memory was affected, I have had maybe three super vivid dreams in my life, and one of them was on this drug, and I know it was because of it.
I stopped doing most things I used to, because of the loss of motivation and energy, I took Russian lessons online with a woman, my teacher whom I had come to trust and love, and would never under normal circumstances have stopped them. I used to do a lot of vigorous exercise, pushups, pullups, situps, and I stopped doing those. Most of the time I was on this medication, all I could do was play the same video game on my computer every day, and walk around where I lived. I stopped working semi-regularly with my father, and stopped doing chores around the house.
When I realized the saphris was doing this to me, I tried to go off, months or even a year after starting, only to discover I could not sleep for even a second. I had always had some trouble with insomnia, and I thought the saphris was doing some good, because after taking it, I would fall asleep within 5-10 minutes. I ended up screaming at the ceiling so many nights because I couldn't sleep at all. I know now it was definitely the saphris that ruined my sleep, and I suspect most of the other things, but, I think it was likely the sertraline or the sertraline and saphris both that destroyed my libido.
When I went off of the saphris, I needed trazadone, which is prescribed off label as a sleep aid, just to sleep at all, and I barely slept. Some months into this, I began to feel a sort of hyper aggression I had never known before or since, and ended up in a psychiatric hospital several times. It only departed from me one day about 10 months ago. Lithium would barely keep it in check, just behind the surface. I was also perceiving memories differently at this time, they were coming back in a way that was hard to describe, old memories, many of them unpleasant, which under normal circumstances, wouldn't come to my mind. The aggression combined with an unpleasant memory coming to mind, like being bullied as a child, was a horrible combo as the emotional pain from the memory would make me rage more. In the very last months I was on the saphris, I believe I had a form of akathisia, as I would involuntarily cross my fingers on my right hand.
I have learned, because of this miserable experience, more about dopamine and serotonin than I knew before, and how many things these are responsible foregulate. Sleep, memory, libido, aggression, appetite, motivation, pleasure (I can't feel it anymore). Besides all of that, for a time I was feeling temperature differently, something I have learned is not uncommon with antipsychotics/atypical antipsychotics.
Now, five and a half years after being off the medication, I have never fully recovered. I have extremely little motivation and energy, my libido is dead, I take one prescription drug (gabapentin) and antihistamines and melatonin every night to sleep, and they don't always work, I cannot feel anything but the most fleeting sense of pleasure, I feel largely emotionally dead inside, my memory still doesn't work like it once did.
I have read that buspirone may help at least with sexual side effects from SSRIs, in another thread here.
Buspirone might reduce sexual side effects associated with SSRIs : Psychiatry (reddit.com)
within that thread, this was posted
...
"Bupropion is commonly used adjunctively with antidepressants to treat SSRI-induced sexual side effects. Again, the rationale for using a dopaminergic agent, even a modest one, to impact sexual side effects appears sound. Stimulants and other dopamine-­enhancing agents enhance libido.
So, I am at a bit of a loss here, I am still not sure exactly what the saphris and maybe others did, I know it has to do with dopamine and serotonin in my brain. I don't understand all of these things fully, I don't know if I have too little dopamine, serotonin, or both, or if the saphris damaged the receptors or whatever. One thing that really got my attention with the above was the part that "Stimulants and other dopamine-­enhancing agents enhance libido."
One reason I know I have issues with dopamine and serotonin, and that the saphris damaged the receptor(s) for these in my brain or something, is that I have problems with so many things that are tied to these neurotransmitters, sleep, energy, motivation, libido, et cetra. When I take caffeine, up until recently, I would notice, despite the sexual dysfunction I suffer from, that my libido would still noticeably increase, my memory would improve, of course I had more energy, motivation, and I could feel an ever so slight increase in happiness. These are all tied to dopamine and serotonin. It seems to me that there is something or things out there that could reverse this in me, or cause a really noticeable improvement for me. Before this cursed medication, I was a generally happy person, with ADHD, high functioning autistic, bipolar, but generally happy. Now i have lived in hell for more than five years, and I want it to end, desperately. I have some very small hope maybe if I could try buspirone I would see improvement, but I don't know until I try, and I am hoping my current psychiatrist will let me try it. I need to find something that undoes the damage.

The Power of Handgrip: How It Can Benefit Your Respiratory System

When it comes to exercising, we often focus on the major muscle groups like our legs, arms, and core. However, there’s a smaller, yet equally important, muscle group that deserves attention: our handgrip. The muscles in our hands, fingers, and forearms play a crucial role in our overall health, and surprisingly, they can even have a significant impact on our respiratory system. In this blog post, we’ll explore the benefits of handgrip on the respiratory system and why incorporating handgrip exercises into your fitness routine can be a game-changer for your overall health.

The Connection Between Handgrip and Respiratory System

Research has shown that there is a strong correlation between handgrip strength and lung function. A study published in the Journal of Applied Physiology found that individuals with stronger handgrip strength had better lung function, including increased forced expiratory volume (FEV1) and forced vital capacity (FVC). These measures are critical indicators of respiratory health, as they reflect the amount of air that can be exhaled from the lungs.
So, how does handgrip strength impact lung function? One theory is that the muscles involved in handgrip, such as the flexor digitorum profundus and flexor digitorum superficialis, share a common nerve pathway with the diaphragm, the primary muscle responsible for breathing. This shared pathway allows for a synergistic effect, where strengthening the handgrip muscles can also enhance diaphragmatic function.
Benefits of Handgrip on Respiratory System
Incorporating handgrip exercises into your fitness routine can have several benefits for your respiratory system:

1. Improved Lung Function: As mentioned earlier, stronger handgrip strength is associated with better lung function, including increased FEV1 and FVC. This can be particularly beneficial for individuals with respiratory conditions such as chronic obstructive pulmonary disease (COPD).
2. Enhanced Diaphragmatic Function: By strengthening the handgrip muscles, you can also improve diaphragmatic function, leading to more efficient breathing and increased oxygenation of the body.
3. Increased Endurance: Handgrip exercises can help improve cardiovascular endurance, which is critical for individuals with respiratory conditions who may experience shortness of breath during physical activity.
4. Reduced Respiratory Muscle Fatigue: Strengthening the handgrip muscles can reduce fatigue in the respiratory muscles, allowing for more efficient breathing and reducing the risk of respiratory failure.
5. Improved Overall Health: Handgrip strength is also associated with overall health and mortality rates. A stronger handgrip has been linked to a lower risk of cardiovascular disease, diabetes, and even certain types of cancer.

Incorporating Handgrip Exercises into Your Fitness Routine
Fortunately, incorporating handgrip exercises into your fitness routine is easy and can be done with minimal equipment. Here are a few exercises to get you started:

• Grip Strengthening: Use a handgrip strengthener or a small rubber ball to squeeze and release your hand muscles. Aim for 10-15 repetitions, 3-4 times a week.
• Finger Bending: Place a light weight or resistance band around your fingers and bend them down toward your palm. Release and repeat for 10-15 repetitions.
• Wrist Extensions: Hold a light weight or resistance band in your hand and lift your wrist up, keeping your forearm still. Lower and repeat for 10-15 repetitions.

I would like to share my experience so far with diabetes. When one mentions the word 'cure' on this sub, it doesn't tend to end well, so I will omit it and let you be the judge.
I was diagnosed with t2 in Nov 2021. A1c right at the cut-off (6.5), but gtt of 232 mg/dl so definitely diabetic.
My doctor told me to exercise and watch my diet. She didn't mention to lose weight as my bmi was 23 at diagnosis.
So I began my quest to research diabetes. I started from a base of almost zero knowledge, and when I began researching, I found all the typical information on diabetes.
But then, I started going down the rabbit hole of reversing diabetes. There seemed to be a body of research that indicated it was possible. The best situation to reverse it was if you started with a low-ish a1c, lost weight immediately, and kept the weight off. Apparently this would allow the pancreas to heal in some people.
So I decided to give it a try. At diagnosis, I was 6'1" and 179lbs. This sounds like a good size for someone, but I was actually very thin with a lot of stomach fat. I began my quest to lose this fat. I was already fairly active, but I ramped up my activity levels and started Keto immediately (I wanted to lower my a1c quickly, so went the super low carb route).
Within three months, I was at my new permanent weight of 145lbs (this sounds small for someone who is 6'1", but it actually suits me perfectly), and five months after diagnosis, my a1c was 5.7.
Fast forward to the two year mark post-diagnosis (with a1c results of 5.7, 5.4, 5.3, 5.6, and 5.4 under my belt). I decided that at this point, I should probably introduce some carbs into my diet to see what happens. I increased to about 125g a day - adding healthy things like fruit, ezekiel bread, flaxseed, etc to my diet. After doing this for a few months, my a1c was 5.3.
Now, onto the big challenge. We planned an Alaskan cruise. I spent quite a while researching low carb options on cruise ships, until something flipped in my mind and I decided to not worry about my diet on the cruise.
And not worry I did. Although I didn't actively track, my best guess is that I was eating roughly 600g of carbs a day for 7 straight days (three desserts per meal (including at breakfast), high carb snacks throughout the day, hash browns, fries, chicken fingers, breaded fish, etc etc).
I don't regularly test my blood sugar levels. I never wanted the anxiety from it, but I made an exception for the cruise. Two blood draws a day, and not once over 140. In fact, not even close to 140. Was I perfect at testing? Did I test one hour after eating, and then two hours, or whatever the guidance is? No, but I got a good enough idea.
Three days after getting back from the cruise, I got my a1c done and it was 5.2 - my lowest since being diagnosed.
To summarize, in the span of a week, I ate around 4200g of carbs with no spikes and a non-diabetic a1c right after.
My theory, which some research supports - everyone has a fat level their body can tolerate. Mine apparently is not very high. And once I got rid of that fat (which I did very quickly, and before my a1c had gotten very high), my pancreas was able to heal.
In the two years or so since I got down to 145lbs, I have not been above 148lbs. True, if I gain 35lbs again, my pancreas will falter and my a1c will rise because I have diabetic genes. But having lost weight as quickly as I did, and having kept it off for as long as I have, I can apparently go through life as a mostly non-diabetic.
The diet I'm on right now - 125g of carbs a day or so, with lots of healthy things like nuts, grains, fruit, etc - is the one I'll stay on. I see no point in re-introducing cake, fries, etc.. but I have the peace of mind in knowing that I can have a slice of cake at a party, or a potato at a steak house, or nine desserts on a cruise day, and I'll probably be okay.

I've loved her for 2 years whenever I see her I get such a hard cock because she's so horny, I imagine every day how I'm going to fuck her one day. She's the hottest woman I've ever seen. We have the best relationship of all my siblings I always help with everything. Most of all when it comes to sports, show her exercises and something like that. I always get so hard when I'm at her home. She always leaves the door open when we're at home and says it doesn't matter when we see each other, we are Siblings. I once made a video of her at her request how she fingers herself because she wanted to send it to her boyfriend. Once I wanted to jerk off and she came in and heard how the video played while I jerked off, but she said it's okay and just laughed. Sometimes she sits on my lap laughs and says hard. or when we talk she touches my cock with her horny feet and does the same.
What do you think she wants to fuck with me?
I have pictures and videos of her.

Hi, I am 38 (F) and have been with my husband since we were 19. We have 3 children 9, 7 and 5.
I feel like my husand is emotionally unavailable and very passive aggressive. He is very selfish and seems to be motivated by his own needs. I have my own issues especially anger..I get triggered often (I am doing therapy) and am often irritable. I take on too much and operate out of guilt alot and am generally just exhausted.
I will drop the kids in the morning as he starts work early...and he picks them up in the afternoon. Mornings are really tough with getting them ready, lunches, out the door and he just kinda of dissapears..'working' or going to the toilet or whatever..and I am left stressing with them all (1 of them has adhd)..he does help but can be very selective- enough so I cant say you don't help (because he'll say he did xyz) but really just not enough,.not like we are a team. . I just feel he could be more helpful. In the afternoon he picks them up while I cook (I also work in the same position and same hours).
While he isn't busy at work (he's says he has no work and spends lots of time doing non-work related things).. he won't make an effort to prep for dinner or tidy up a little..he will exercise for an hour or so and then showechill
He will generally take bins out, clean etc ..it isn't consistent and only when he feels like it.
In the evenings he will do a similar thing..pick up the kids, bring them home then disappear upstairs to 'work'
At bedtime he'll never do special time with them (I do 15mins per child each night)...he will go in the shower and mainly leave me to it.
He will never do homework or take an active part in their eduction...that is on me.
He will take them to clubs and he will also play football with them (I feel like this is because it benefits him physically)
He is generally alot calmer than me..I will often lose my shit with the kids and he always handles them better.
He is always physically affectionate with me...but I almost dislike him very much and don't want to be near him. He'll try it on in the evenings and I always say no. I am gernally off with him and he has said I feel like you hate me. I have explained and have almost filed for a divorce but he changes and I feel like I imagined it all....during these time I am able to be affectionate as the resentment just goes and ge feels like a different person. He's also very selective with his affection. As an example we went holiday and every opportunity we got to sit alone he would go sit in the further away from me as it was more 'comfortable' or because he wants tl keep an eye on the kids (not true)....like he's physically affectionate but not emotionally.
On the outside he is perfect to everyone, they always say oh your hsuand he's always so active with the kids etc and I seem like I am the one that's always shouting at the kids or being annoyed at him.
He is now not talking to me..he does this thing where he pretends i don't exist for a while. I don't see the point in talking to him..in the past it's always hurt when he's ignored me and I've asked him not to do that. But this time I'm glad he isn't pestering me. I am hurt though and just want him to go. But I know he won't. He will change and then be all nice to the kids etc and make even me think it's my fault.
I spend so much time being confused. I feel its on me...like I am ungrateful and unappreciative for the things he does do, but I cant shake off the resentment and can't just be ok with him. I feel like he manipulates me and situations but I can't put my finger on it or explain. I feel like it isn't sufficient grounds for a divorce (I am Catholic and divorce is generally a no-go) but I think I dislike him. Over the years he has hurt me so much and I just don't trust that he does anything for anyone but himself.

I'm so excited everyday to get a little bit better at the piano. It's truly a dream coming true little by little everyday. Although I say little by little, when I look back and realize it's been less than 2 months and I've already learned finger exercises, major and minor chords, and major and minor scales. Starting to put it together with both hands, here we go baby, no stopping me now!!!!!! Not to mention, I wasn't able to pay for the entire class all at once, so they set up a payment plan for me!!!!!! Otherwise this dream would still be a dream, thank you RIDLEY ACADEMY! - Ridley Academy Student K.M.

24M, 5'7 150lb, South asian.
Noticed these in one of my fingernails two days ago, and then another small one on the side of the thumbnail on the same hand today. Generally exercise every day, insomniac and anxiety, moderate allergies (zyrtec for a month now, flonase for a couple days). Don't grow my nails out longer than 1-2mm.
I see three, the big one, a small speck right behind it (same position), and another one on the right of the same fingernail, if you can zoom in. I also spotted a tiny speck last night on my middle finger when I was clipping my nails but it was so small it got clipped off.
https://imgur.com/a/splinter-hemorrhage-2oEUlQI

hello sweet angels!!!!
I (34F in USA) have posted before that I have really been struggling hard with my blood sugar. I crash very hard after eating or exercise, even very gentle exercise like dog walking. Having some issues with my hypertension either responding too well or not at all to my current cardiac meds, as well. The lower number on BP reads has been particularly low. However!! My A1C is fab after 18 months on Metformin (5.1! Yay!) and I have regular periods again.
EDIT: I also have gastroparesis! From ED, which i am currently in treatment for. not diabetic gastroparesis. I am definitely due for my twice yearly pyloric botox, maybe this is a factor….any gastroparesis friends able to testify to this?
but oh my word, you guys. I cannot keep napping every time I eat. the brain fog from it, lack of energy etc has been misery.
I am super interested in a CGM to see what the heck is going on.
unfortunately me for me my endo moved and i cannot get into one until August!!!! so… here are my questions:
if you got a CGM approved by insurance, would you mind disclosing how you got them to cover it?
Which specialist helped with this? I work with my hands so the pricking fingers multiple times a day is deeply unappealing.
What specialist helped you get it through?
If they only partially covered it, would you mind sharing how much it did cost you?
Or maybe you can share another workaround?
how did you address your blood sugar issues after the CGM captured your data?
does anyone else get absurdly tired after eating or working out?
anything else you care to share about using a CGM to manage PCOS?
thank you kindly ✨✨✨

Hi folks,
Longtime lurker and first-time poster here. I need a (relatively) unbiased perspective on something that happened last night with my girlfriend.
For context, things between us have been touch and go for the past two months. A combination of issues we had when we first started dating resurfacing and long-distance (she's been working out of the country since March but will be back in about ten days) has made it hard to soothe each other during such times.
Things yesterday were more than okay. Actually, they were great. The warmth that we had at the start of the year when she was still here was back. She was affectionate, loving, cracking jokes, smiling, laughing, etc. I felt great. We decided to prepare dinner together that night on FaceTime, and things were going stellar.
Until she was jokingly telling me to stop singing this one song that she hated and I told her "to relax" in a non-serious tone. I instantly went, "Oh shit haha I'm so sorry, don't take my head off," because I remembered how she hates it when someone tells her to "relax." She clapped back, saying, "Haha don't tell me to relax, I'll fucking punch you in the face." And that is when I got pissed. I replied by saying "Lol I'd like to see you try that." She replied by saying "What? Are you going to punch me back?" And I said, "Of course not, I'd never lay a finger on you. You just wouldn't see my face ever again after that." Everything went a downhill after that.
I'm a sensitive guy. I always have been. It is something that has caused me a lot of anguish in my previous relationship because I can very quickly get upset about small things. For some reason, I've always had an issue with this kind of language in relationships. Violence. Do I think my girlfriend would actually punch me in the face? Of course not. But for whatever reason, I've always been hyper-sensitive to this kind of talk. I also despise it when anyone goes for my face in a joking manner, whether it's some rough housing with my dad or my friends, or my significant other jokingly giving me a couple of taps on the face.
I've never been physically abused in my life. My parents never laid a hand on me. I've never been physically bullied, either. So I really don't know where this aversion to physical or verbal jokes of this kind comes from.
I got a little pissed. I didn't shout, scream, or throw a tantrum. But I was visibly upset. She asked me why I was so pissed since she was clearly joking and said she would never actually punch me. I said I don't like that kind of language being thrown around even as a joke, to which she said, "Who hurt you?"
She went on to say that if this triggered a soft spot because of something that happened to me, I should communicate that to her. But I can't expect her to understand that if I've never told her. I said nothing happened to me. I've never been physically abused, so there's no "trauma" underlying it. It's just something I don't enjoy. No need to overanalyze it.
That sentence kicked my anger up a few notches. I guess reflecting on it, it felt invalidating. It frustrated me. I said, "Who hurt me? Do you really want to take it there? Is that how you want to handle this?"
I was pretty sure I knew why that sentence hurt me. I was in an emotionally abusive, toxic relationship for five years with a borderline narcississt. My girlfriend knows this. She knows how bad it was. And I guess the crass nature of the 'who hurt you?' comment reminded me of a time earlier in my relationship with my current girlfriend where we were having an argument and she said, "Do I have to treat you like shit to have you?" Which was a clear reference to my previous relationship. She has since apologized for that comment, after I told her how profoundly invalidating and wrong it is to say something like that.
The thing is. My girlfriend has a tendency to say things that come off as rude, hurtful, or invalidating when she's upset. And I think this whole situation triggered that fight or flight response after the 'Who hurt you?' debacle.
Back to the current issue....
I was flooded, so I told her I'd call her back after I've cooled off. I took five minutes to relax and then called her back. I apologized for my "overreaction" to her joke and explained to her that generally, I don't enjoy these kinds of jokes.
She went on to say that she finds me getting upset at something like this, to the degree that I did get upset, "kind of ridiculous."
I told her I understand. I said it was unfair to get roused up like that. I told her it's all water under the bridge now and I know she didn't mean anything she said seriously. I reiterated that I don't appreciate these kinds of jokes and that I don't think it's a big ask not to make them in our relationship. She agreed.
After we spoke about it, I couldn't shake the feeling that her telling me my reaction was "ridiculous" and me doubling down by saying it was "unfair" to her was, in reality, unfair to me, and invalidating for me.
Either way, it seemed like the damage was done, though. She was cold for the rest of the night while we watched something on Netflix. The jokey, smiling, sensual person that was there a few minutes ago was replaced by a cold, frustrated, avoidant person. Things were just lukewarm for the rest of the night. She was back to feeling super anxious about all the things we were going through and I was back to feeling like garbage. My anxiety was through the roof. My heart was beating like I was running away from a tiger. I felt sick to my stomach.
I wanted to beat myself up to a pulp. My internal monologue went straight into self-hatred mode. "Why are you like this? This is all your fault. Things were fine, but your sensitive, fragile ass just had to have a moment, right? You couldn't just enjoy the present moment. You couldn't take two seconds to calm your nervous system down before overreacting. Now she probably feels like she has to walk on eggshells around you. She probably thinks you're a baby. You're not a real man. A real man wouldn't throw a childish tantrum like this over a silly fucking joke. You just gave her the ick. You triggered her, and now she's anxious and feeling like crap, and so are you. You just can't have nice things, can you? You have to self-sabotage, don't you?"
I didn't give into the monologue. I took ten minutes to record a voice note to myself, speaking to myself as though I was a friend. I told myself that while I may have overreacted, I did the right thing by taking accountability and apologizing. I also reminded myself that what I had done was far from a "tantrum." I didn't scream, shout, break stuff, or name-call. I didn't blame her, hold it against her for the rest of the night, or stonewall.
The issue that I am dealing with and have always dealt with in these situations is the intense feelings of shame and guilt that come about after these moments. In addition, I feel like I can never truly validate my feelings. Sure, I recorded that voice note as an exercise to try to rewire that awful, abusive self-talk in my head, but I still felt like the whole situation was entirely my fault. I still sort of blame myself for how she is feeling now. I blame myself for disrupting a moment of peace and well-being in our relationship. And I also know that I am prone to self-sabotage, so that makes it even more difficult to find the middle ground between taking responsibility for my actions and validating my feelings.
Was I being extra? Was I really overreacting? Is my insecure attachment causing me to overanalyze or interpret my girlfriend's actions after the initial episode I had? Did she really invalidate how I was feeling by asking the "who hurt you?" question in a somewhat sarcastic way as well as telling me that it was ridiculous of me to get angry at such a thing? Was I really being unfair to her by reacting how I did? Is my nervous system just picking up on a pattern of invalidating behaviour and the anger after the 'who hurt you?' comment is a natural reaction to that? It is the morning after that situation, and I am feeling rather distant towards her. I feel almost sick in my stomach. As though I'm seeing a side to her that I shouldn't ignore. But again, I think as people with insecure attachments we have this tendency to either put people on an insane pedestal to which they will inevitably fall short of or label any behaviour as a 'red flag'.
I'm not looking for a pity party. I want honest opinions, please. If I was really in the wrong, I want to hear that perspective.
EDIT: I left this part out for the sake of brevity but I thought I should include this to give a more accurate account of what led to my outburst. When she said, "I'll punch you in the face", I replied by saying "Lol I'd like to see you try that." She replied by saying "What? Are you going to punch me back?" And I said, "Of course not, I'd never lay a finger on you. You just wouldn't see my face ever again after that." Everything went a downhill after that.
TL;DR:
Things have been touch and go with my girlfriend due to resurfacing issues and long-distance challenges. Last night on FaceTime, she joked about punching me in the face, which upset me as I'm sensitive to violent language. I expressed my discomfort, and she responded with a sarcastic "who hurt you?" This reminded me of a past abusive relationship. I took a break to calm down and apologized, but she called my reaction "ridiculous." She became cold afterward, making me anxious and self-critical. Now, I feel conflicted, wondering if my reaction was an overreaction or if her responses were invalidating. Am I overanalyzing due to my insecure attachment style, or is this a red flag? Seeking honest opinions.

Synopsis:
An engineer in another world—blending science and magic to achieve greatness in a world where skills and levels reign supreme.
—
Ethan was just a plain old engineer, but everything changed when he was reborn into a world of skills, levels, and magic. With his advanced knowledge far ahead of the time period he finds himself in, this new reincarnated life will be much different than his last, especially because he can construct, deconstruct, and reconstruct runes—something no one else can do.
But with royal politics, looming tax collectors, a mountain of debt, dungeon incursions, cults, and hostile fantasy races mixing together into a cocktail of bullshit that threatens to bury his dreams; Ethan must bridge the gap between steel and sorcery to grow stronger.
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Chapter 02

-1-
Roland cursed under his breath as he trudged down the muddy path toward Lord Theodore's manor. The late early morning sun cast long shadows, painting the desolate landscape in an even bleaker light.
Why was it only him who had to deal with Lord Theodore's bullshit? Just last night, Roland had to take care of all the complaints from the bar he'd found Lord Theodore at. Not to mention, he had to pay compensation to the wenches from his own personal funds.
And that wasn't even half the things he'd done yesterday alone.
After all, Lord Theodore was either busy abusing his power and bullying the people of the town, gambling, drinking, getting wasted with his face stuck up a prostitute, or doing his fourth favorite activity which, naturally, was a combination of the latter three. The man wasn't the brightest, but he wasn't quite dumb enough to avoid dealing with the problems the town of Holden faced.
Roland shook his head when he made it to the estate gates. As expected, there were guards, servants, and soldiers dashing left and right, but he was ignored. It was time to beg Lord Theodore to attend to his duties. None dared stop him, for he was a [Knight] appointed to Lord Theodore by his father—Lord Alexander Lockheart—and an acting advisor while said lord was being, well, his usual idiotic and selfish self.
So, Roland did what he had to; he moved past them all, and made for Lord Theodore's sleeping quarters where a handful of maids were all fussing about like hens with their heads chopped off.
Lord Theodore's quarters were not large by noble standards, but impressive all the same. Lavish and gaudy, just as he expected. Tapestries and drapes were hung up high all about the walls, and on the ground, there were expensive fur carpets.
After moving past the maids and butlers who were currently shuffling about like a horde of ants whose nest was threatened by a boar, he stopped before a silk drape that barred the way to Lord Theodore's bedchambers.
"Lord Theodore," he called.
Silence.
"Lord Theodore?"
Nothing.
Feeling a little annoyed, Roland frowned. "Lord Theodore," he called again. "With all due respect, are you presently attired?"
Nothing but a muffled sound came from the other side. Roland grimaced, and looked up at the ceiling in exasperation before dropping his hand and tugging the curtain aside. The inside of the bedchamber wasn't much to look at. Just your average nobleman's bedroom with a canopy bed big enough to fit twelve women side-by-side.
Most did, in fact, do just that.
A bookshelf stood on each wall, and at the far end was another drape that led to an enclosed balcony where he had the gall to throw his used clothes through during summer.
"Greetings, my lord," Roland said.
Lord Theodore, however, didn't answer.
He sat in front of a full-length mirror on the dresser. He had this listless sort of look, like he just didn't know how to deal with things. It wasn't an expression he'd ever seen on the man's face.
"Lord Theodore, are you well?" Roland inquired, a sliver of unease creeping into his voice. Though he found the young lord childish—given he was barely eighteen years old—Lord Theodore was his responsibility. He'd been Roland's responsibility when he was a little brat, and even now.
Theodore gave a startled response. "Ah, Roland? Yes, I am quite well."
"My lord, with all due respect, I implore you to be truthful. Has something transpired?"
Roland was anxious now. While he harbored no particular fondness for Lord Theodore, a sworn oath bound him to protect and care for the Baron. Granted, his master, Lord Theodore's own father, had afforded him considerable autonomy within Holden's borders—heck, he could even go as far as beating up Lord Theodore without consequences, if Roland deemed it reasonable and necessary—but his code of honor held oaths sacred. The son of the house Varian would rather lose an arm and his birthright than break a single [Oath] made.
"No, truly, I'm fine."
"If that is the case," Roland acknowledged with a curt nod, "then I bear news."
Lord Theodore furrowed his brow. "Good news, I trust?"
"I'm afraid not," Roland sighed. "Yesterday, our patrol in the Deadwoods encountered a band of brigands...…"
Lord Theodore's frown deepened. "While banditry is a common occurrence, it often heralds further troubles. Elaborate, Roland."
"Indeed, my lord," Roland continued, "these brigands weren't merely causing a ruckus. Apparently, they were engaged in combat with a rather formidable creature, vaguely humanoid in form."
Lord Theodore's posture stiffened. "Vaguely humanoid? Can you provide further details?"
Roland shook his head. "Limited information, I'm afraid. Only reports of unnatural speed reached our ears; it appeared to be engaged with wolves. Both fled upon human-contact, however."
Lord Theodore stroked his chin thoughtfully. "Did our men prevail against the brigands? And this creature—surely Captain..." he paused, searching for the man's name.
"Thomas," Roland supplied.
"Ah, yes, Thomas. Holden is geographically close to the Deadwoods. Sir Thomas wouldn't simply abandon such a threat near the bordertowns, would he? He and I may not see eye to eye on certain matters, but... surely he wouldn't leave such a threat unaddressed." Lord Theodore said.
Roland hesitated. "Captain Thomas chose to bypass us and directly inform the Crown of their discovery. He remained tight-lipped regarding specifics despite repeated inquiries."
Lord Theodore hummed thoughtfully. "If Thomas deems it worthy of the Crown's attention, then it surpasses our jurisdiction. Let's hope for their swift and decisive action. What of the brigands? Eliminated, I presume?"
"So it seems," Roland replied. "All but one met their demise. The sole survivor remains in a cell, though maddened beyond reason."
"I see. Is that for now?" Lord Theodore leaned back in his chair.
"Not quite, my lord. We've had a recent outbreak of the Blight, and we suspect it was an intentional spread. Unfortunately, the culprit remains unidentified."
Theodore's expression morphed into one of genuine shock. "Are these two seemingly unrelated issues connected, perhaps?" He asked.
"It appears to be the case, my lord." A sigh escaped Roland's lips. The Blight—a magical sickness that eats away at your life force, causes lethargy, nausea, and kills you, all while your body radiates a pervasive foul odor. It had recently taken hold on a few people of Holden. Why or how, Roland did not know.
"Those afflicted have been quarantined in a secure location far from Holden to prevent further contagion. Our physicians are doing their utmost to manage them. However, several have died already, and the remaining victims exhibit signs of feral behavior—meaning, they have already entered the late stage, I'm afraid. It's become imperative that they remain under quarantine, lest they either bite other humans—given there's hunger for raw flesh in the late stage—or they could infect the crops, causing them to decay. Consequently, the farmers, understandably anxious, have retreated into their homes."
They were likely waiting for their lord, incompetent as he may be, to deal with the situation. Yet, he had his hand up a wench's skirt more than actually trying to fix the issues... What can I do with him? Roland sighed.
Lord Theodore rubbed the bridge of his nose. "Roland."
"Yes, my lord?"
"Do you think the Merchant Guild would let me have another loan?"
Roland's lips thinned into a line, but he shook his head. "Regrettably, my lord, they would not. The Merchants' Guild has been cautious lately. There was this whole unpleasant affair with a prominent [Merchant Lord] named Bertram, you might know the name. Used to flaunt more gold jewelry than some of the highborn nobles. Turns out, he was embezzling.
"Apparently, he manipulated the Guild's books for months. Inflated trade contracts with nonexistent suppliers from faraway lands, siphoned off the extra profit into his own pockets. Clever, gotta give him that. Even forged shipping manifests to keep it all looking legit.
"Nasty business, that. Apparently, the esteemed Lord Bertram decided a little vacation was in order after everything, and wouldn't you know it, he packed a rather hefty sum from the Guild's coffers along for the ride as well. We're talking a near royal-wedding-sized dowry here, my lord. Vanished, all of it.
"The details are still murky, but rumor has it Bertram might have gotten tangled with pirates operating from the Broken Isles. One of the [Pirate Kings], perhaps—or most likely. So, the Merchants' Guild has been refraining from giving out loans. And, my apologies to say this, my lord, but you're a high-risk individual, and you already have quite the debt with them... They wouldn't want to give more."
Lord Theodore already had a mountain of debt on his name... The interest rate was more than what Lord Theodore could pay off even if the crops did better than planned. Given that the Adventurers' Guild of this sector had been rather short on manpower lately due to a dungeon incursion in the town, Corinth, lying beside theirs and given that Lord Theodore had a tendency for tax evasion and then laundering… Yeah, they were royally fucked. Even if in this situation, Lord Theodore wanted a loan for himself... Roland just gave up. Maybe it was time to return to his master, Lord Theodore's father, and just ask him to appoint him somewhere else—he couldn't deal with this scumbag anymore, not in his current state.
"I see, they wouldn't. Not surprising. It seems I'm going to have to hire a [Necromancer] by my lonesome."
Roland blinked. "That's..." a shock, Roland stopped himself from saying. [Necromancers] cost a hefty sum, and given that Lord Theodore was already under debt and likely the financial situation of Holden was anything but optimal, hiring a [Necromancer] would've put a huge dent in Holden's already meager reserves. However, Roland hadn't imagined, not in his wildest dreams, that Lord Theodore would be employing one by his lonesome.
Throughout his life, Roland had known this man to not even spare a thought to anything that wasn't his immediate self-gratification, or his amusement and satisfaction. How was the wastrel noble suddenly going to change?
"My lord, my apologies for asking, but why do you require a [Necromancer's] assistance?" Roland finally asked, schooling his shocked expression.
"Oh, I have some... theories regarding the Blight." Lord Theodore grinned. "And a [Necromancer] might just be someone who we need in order to solve this problem once and for all."
Roland was shocked to his core, once more. "But, my lord, the treatment for the Blight isn't something common folk can afford? So, how...?"
"Nonsense, Roland. Forget that rudimentary concoction they peddle as a cure. I envision a more... permanent solution. Issue a commission at the Adventurers' Guild—a [Necromancer] or perhaps a [Witch], their talents are equally suited for this task."
"Yes, my lord." Roland bowed, failing to comprehend what Lord Theodore was planning on doing.
-2-
When Roland left, Ethan found it easier to relax. The stiff, aristocratic manners these people employed were rather annoying to bear with. No, they were rather hard to imitate, more accurately. Because despite his efforts, he'd still found it hard to match their ways, but it was doable. Not good enough, yet, but doable.
"How should I, going forward, act, then?" he muttered. "Because if I've understood a single thing, it is this: Theo's character as I know it now will ruin any chance of me, well, earning anything, be that respect, wealth, power, or all three. Should I continue as him, then, or completely overhaul Theodore's character and pretend it's some epiphany? A spiritual enlightenment, perhaps?"
Ethan shook his head. Whatever it may be, he wasn't planning on being like Theo. Let's go with a gradual change in mannerism.
First, however, he needed to deal with the Blight issue. Which would be easily dealt with—all he had to do was pay the [Necromancer], or [Witch], from his own pouch. Then, he needed to figure out this town's financial status and everything else in order to organize a working infrastructure and create new financial opportunities. Afterwards, he could move onto his 'character', if that is indeed what his situation required. There's a lot to do.
Before everything, however, a bath.
After all, he reeked of sweat and alcohol, among other not-so pleasant scents.
...
It took no more than a few minutes for a handful of servants to prepare the bath. Hot water steamed inside the spacious tub as soap bubbles glistened—soap that was far too expensive for the common folk. Despite being a luxury, its quality was arguably trash. Regardless, this was all the people had in this world. A strong scent of lavender permeated the air and tickled his nose as he undressed. A few maids had prepared for his comfort and placed a silken bathrobe alongside a set of towels on a small table near the bathtub before he'd dismissed them, ordering them to inform the kitchen staff that he would like his meal soon.
Ethan relaxed his shoulders, took the robe with one hand, and tossed it carelessly nearby. It was fine silk. Ethan shook his head before proceeding with an easy grace into the water. It was hot. Yet, Ethan felt rather cold, despite the heat. It helped him relax, and with it, the stiff persona that was Lord Theodore faded.
Ethan sank deeper, letting his long blond locks loose. A quick thought made him bring his hand forward. What if... he could make a fire? Just a little one, like a candle flame. How cool would that be? He focused, willing a tiny spark to appear on his fingertip. Nothing. Just a sputter and a fizzle.
"Hmm," he mumbled, undeterred. "Maybe I need to practice."
He doubted it was just understanding. After all, the skill [Elemental Spells] had given him the barest hints of the basics of how to create a basic spark of flame. He lacked control over mana. [Magic Perception] allowed him to view his mana—flowing, fast-moving streams and spiraling, coiling vortexes. It was chaotic; it was a mess! Maybe if he calmed it down, he could actually make something happen?
Easier said than done, he quickly learned. When he moved it, it took no less effort than bending metal with brute force. The feeling was there, and the will, too. Just the act of 'moving' it alone was a herculean effort. It seemed nigh impossible.
Maybe I'm doing it wrong?
Humming, Ethan looked through the snippets of memories he'd gotten from Theodore. The memories, he found, weren't entirely useless; as his mind drifted back and forth from those flashes, he did remember something Theodore had seen last night... There! A memory from last night—a drunk mage at the bar, showing off with a fireball for some girl who didn't seem too impressed.
"Let's see how that trick works," Ethan grinned.
With [Magic Perception], he saw how the spell flowed. The "spell" was, in a way, forced outwards into reality through the use of symbols he quickly recognized as runes—at least that was what he assumed after seeing the fireball.
Ethan could easily recall the shape of the rune that'd appeared before the fire took form on top of the mage's hand.
I'm pretty sure it's not possible to view runes. I assume, at least, from what little fragments of memories I got from Theo. Anyway, let's move my mana in the shape, then.
He imagined the shape on top of his hand and willed the mana to pour into it. Soon, rune motes started forming out of thin air, ripping into reality. Forming into a shape he willed, a rune burned brightly and loudly atop his palm. As he drew his hand forward, flames burst into life, flickering before fizzling out.
[Basic Magic Script] — Lvl 1 -> Lvl 2!
Congratulations! You have gained skill: [Basic Rune Creation]!
"Whoa." Ethan stared at his hand, a wide grin splitting his face. So that's how it works! Runes, huh? That's awesome! Ethan felt like a child again. He couldn't wait to try again, this time with a smaller flame, as it appeared that a fireball was far too much for his lacking skill and control. Magic... it was epic stuff!
Before that, however, he looked at the new skill he'd gained.
~Basic Rune Creation – Level 1~
Type: Active
Effect: You have grasped the fundamental concept of using runes to channel and shape your mana for basic magical effects. The Connection between two of your skill—[Magic Perception] and [Basic Magic Script]—has resulted in the creation of a new skill. You can now create simple runes that allow for the manipulation of elemental energy on a small scale. As your skill level increases, you will be able to create more complex runes, allowing for more powerful and versatile spells. You may also learn to combine runes for even greater magical effects.
Ethan stared. Reading the description was a quick matter of concentration. It took him by surprise, however, when he realized it. Rune creation? Huh. Does that mean I can create anything? The thought alone was exciting. What about rune motes? Rune motes were fragments of runes, combining certain fragments could result in a full rune. I saw them congregating into the shape of a rune, but is it possible to just create rune motes and not a full rune? I should try.
Regardless of his thoughts, it was creation—
—and Ethan loved creation. Even as a child, he had never gotten tired of tinkering with things. He still recalled the time he'd gotten his first Lego set. Just putting random pieces together with no thought for a bigger picture—he'd loved that. He'd loved doing all sorts of stuff with Legos, creating different castles or other complex structures, but it was building something completely random and ridiculous, yet unique nonetheless, which gave him the most sense of satisfaction. It was fun. It was a hobby—a hobby that ignited in him a fire of passion for innovation.
It was then the thought of being a civil engineer had sprung up in his mind. To put it simply, a civil engineer is responsible for planning, designing, and constructing buildings. Though, that was just a general term. Ethan would have been perfectly happy had he chosen that. Unfortunately, his father had wanted him to become a boxer, instead.
The man wanted to become one himself in his prime, but due to health issues, he'd quit right before making it to a big league. He'd hoped his son would achieve what he couldn't and bring victory for the family. Even though Ethan hadn't exactly planned boxing as his future, but who could refuse the pressure his old man put on him? Especially when he'd been just a little boy?
It was another matter entirely that Ethan fell in love with boxing, too, as it made him feel alive. The sensation of a punching bag slamming against his fists? Nothing quite made his blood boil like that.
And oh, fighting in the ring. There was just something about the sport Ethan couldn't resist.
Something about creation, fighting, and experiencing a bit of both, had Ethan wishing he could try the other options that lay in front of him now.
Could he make a real spaceship, in this world?
It sounded silly as fuck and he knew it. Nonetheless, the temptation was still there, hovering and nagging at the edge of his mind, as ridiculous as his previous thoughts might have been.
Spaceships are cool, dammit.
That thought suddenly gave Ethan pause. "Let's just return to practice."
This time, fire flickered atop his fingertips for a second longer.
Another second was added on top of that after his third try.
The light was dim. However, it did mean something: improvement.
[Elemental Spells] — Lvl 1 -> Lvl 2!
Grinning like an idiot, Ethan sank deeper into the hot bath water and brought his other hand up to repeat the exercise for the next half an hour or so, occasionally reading a notification that would come every now and then.
[Elemental Spells] — Lvl 2 -> Lvl 3!
[Elemental Spells] — Lvl 3 -> Lvl 4!
[Elemental Spells] — Lvl 4 -> Lvl 5!
But no matter what, he couldn't get it to level up to level 6, nor could he level up [Basic Magic Script] from level 2 to 3.
Why not, though? I'm doing—
"Don't rush," he chided himself. "Your control is pitiful, shaping is trash, and your spellcasting is akin to tossing stones into the sea without even knowing how to make it bounce—guesswork is all you are, but it's a good start, I suppose."
As he set a handful of candle-like flames afloat on all five of his fingers, his lips quirked into a wide smirk. It was only a party trick. For now, that is. I need to find more about magic and learn. I've been winging it.
That was true; he didn't understand anything about magic. All he'd done so far was try to emulate the rune he'd seen in the memory snippet through the help of [Magic Perception] and cast a few party tricks. Was that impressive? He had literally no comparison to base off of, thus why he knew he needed to learn more.
Theodore's memories proved to be useless in this regard, too. His father hadn't found him worthy enough to be assigned a mage as a tutor. Theodore was a disappointment through and through, and that's why he'd been sent to rule the bordertowns.
He could cast the spell, yes, but he didn't understand the underlying concepts that fueled the magic or what the process was.
-3-
Ethan descended down the stairs that would lead him to the dining room where breakfast had already been laid out for him. Two maids were present as well. It was a feast of the likes he'd only ever read in fairy tales. Fried, scrambled, boiled eggs. Different shapes, sizes, and cuts. Cakes and pies in varying quantities and sizes. Grilled meat, smoked and salted. How could he ever eat everything alone?
Ethan exhaled and then dove in; however, he still maintained decorum as it was imperative to do so given that he was a noble now. Regardless, once done, he made it to the meeting room given that he had some people to meet today.
"Barely breaking even," Ethan muttered, flicking the parchment in his hand. He frowned at the financial situation of Holden, the town he was in charge of. The bordertowns consisted of a series of towns lying on the periphery of the borders. Each town was a barony in name, and nobles—especially troublesome nobles—were often sent here to practice ruling and to make them accustomed to how the common folk lived, so they could empathize with the people they ruled.
With how many bandits the region had had lately, the Blight, debt, tax, and interest that'd ramped up, Ethan's current situation was mind-fucking at best and a keg waiting to explode at worst.
I don't want to deal with Theo's issues.
Not only was this whole situation something Ethan did not want in the slightest, a whole can of worms that were Theo's problems was thrust into his hands. Ethan had held no fantasies of getting isekai'd. That was suicide in his books. He'd have been more than happy to die and meet oblivion. But now that he was here…
Leaning back into his chair, Ethan rubbed his eyes. Yeah, he needed to deal with everything and make the best of his situation to live a comfortable life. When Roland returned with a man in tow, Ethan hummed.
The man was young, younger than Roland, even. Black hair and sharp green eyes. He held himself high with confidence and Ethan recognized him instantly. Isn't he that mage from the bar?
"My lord," Roland bowed. "I have brought a [Necromancer] as per your command."
The [Necromancer] bowed and with a thin smile said, "Pleased to be at your service, my lord. The name's Jack."
Hm. So he wasn't a mage but a [Necromancer].
"Likewise," Ethan replied with a nod, then leaned forward, smiling. "Say, Jack, would you like to be part of a business opportunity?
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Listen, ladies. This topic thread has become depressing and we are not doing ourselves any favors by wallowing. I am guilty of it as much as anyone else, but we have to stop this self-loathing and excuse-making.
Not to be harsh, but we can do so much more than what some of these "facts" being spewed are trying to make us believe. I beg you... Do not use lipedema as your reasoning for not trying really hard to get the level of health and activity that you want - the level of health and activity you DESERVE.
Yes, even the wonderful doctors who are doing lipedema liposuction surgeries and the therapists that say we need special massage for the rest of our lives are still just looking to make money off of us. Why would they want to make us believe that we can make a difference with diet and exercise?
Yes, lipedema is painful. But pain is also surmountable. You can push past and beyond pain and live an extremely fulfilling life. Lipedema does not mean you are doomed to become disabled. Pain is not an excuse to stop taking care of yourself. I myself have used it as an excuse to back away from exercise, and it only made things worse for me in the long run. We ALL need to stop. Instead, we need to find ways to make it better, to push each other, and to fight for ourselves.
My background, in case you doubt that I understand how extreme pain can be: I was covered in 3rd degree burns after a motorcycle accident when I was 20 years old. I've been living with progressing lipedema (by now it is stage 3) since I was 11 (puberty). 50% of my skin -mostly on the left side of my body- is thick, fibrous, contractured scar tissue and has been for the last 19 years. In the accident, I also broke my lower back, herniated a disc, ripped off my kneecaps, tore my rotator cuff, dislocated my big toe and several fingers, and nearly severed my pinky finger. I had 9 skin graft surgeries, got 11 different types of infection including pseudomonas in my blood, developed pneumonia, and got a life-threatening blood clot in my left leg from my knee to my groin. Don't get me started on the PTSD, anxiety, and depression.
Bottom line: We CAN overcome lipedema. We CAN gain muscle. We CAN lose fat. We CAN push past pain. We just have to be willing to fight.

• Smoking: ~10 years, quit 20 years ago
• Drinking: mostly social, sometimes weeks without (maybe an occasional beer), a few hard liquor drinks /cocktails on occasional weekend.
• Drugs: none

Hi docs/all,
I don't have insurance and the finances have been difficult so I'd been putting off any medical studies. And I was worried about what I'd find.
Finally did some bloodwork and other tests recently, visited a doctor (in Mexico), and received some diagnoses, and prescriptions.
I am sure the doctor was fine but this is all new to me and I am just too freaked out. So I am hoping that someone will look this over and share the thoughts on the test results, medications, dosage, and if anything else that may jump out.
Bonus would be to receive advice on what to do next (besides the meds) because yeah, I am in some panic, frankly.
I am asking a lot so fingers crossed. Details below
Blood work (select results, I can add more if I have it):

Test	Result
Glucose	112.5
Gemoglobin, A1C	5.9
Uric Acid	7.3
Cholesterol Total	260.9
Cholesterol, HDL	36.5
Cholesterol, LDL	189.9
Cholesterol, VLDL	37.2
Ratio, LDL/HDL	5.20
Atherogenic Index	7.1
Triglycerides	186
Globulin	1.98

Main findings from the doc:

• Pre-diabetic (extensive family history of it) Also I think I *am* diabetic on the US scale
• High "bad" cholesterol / low "good" cholesterol / high risk (family history of heart disease and stroke)
• Mild hepatic steatosis
• I also showed what looks like varicose veins on my calf

Prescriptions (all new to me):

Medication	Indication	Dosage	Frequency
Metformin*	Diabetes	850mg	1 tablet / twice a day
Forxiga (Dapagliflozin)	Diabetes	10mg	1 tablet / once a day
Atorvastatin**	Cholesterol	40mg	1 tablet / once a day
Alopurinol	Uric acid	100mg	1 tablet / once a day
Darion	Veins	500mg	1 tablet / twice a day

* A week ago started taking HALF the Metformin tablet 2 times a day to start so that I can check for any side effects. Having some stool issues but that wasn't great already.
** Started on half the dosage of Atovastatin and Aloprinol today
Upcoming:
Colonoscopy and sleep study, unfortunately not at the same time.
Specific questions:

• Do these meds and dosages look like a good and reasonable treatment plan?
• Are my glucose results considered pre-diabetic or diabetic? I get that 0.01 doesn't make a big actual difference, this is more mental
• Anything other than exercise and diet (and meds) that I should be doing?
• I understand diabetes is controllable at best (not curable) but would it be true to say that it's possible to control well? I get that "individual results may vary", asking more in general.

Endless thanks to anyone who might take a look and share their thoughts.

Hi!
I'm studying a piece of a Brazilian guitar composer (Garoto) and there's this X2643X chord passage that's really challenging. I'm working recently on "increasing" my left hand spread, and did some research about it, but I was left with the impression that it's all about technique and not hand size. I have an average hand size I believe, maybe a little on the small side and this X2643X is simply outrageous. I can make it and ring all the notes but it takes me 20-30 seconds or so adjusting my hand, shoulder and elbow angles to get it, and even then it's very far from perfect, since I can't press the strings with the middle of the tip of my finger on middle and ring fingers. I also have to bring my arm and elbow until my arm touches the body of the guitar (which doesn't seem and doesn't look right).
I watched this Tonebase video (Achieving impossible stretches with ease) https://youtu.be/5jiHNkR0lNU - but I knew and used all the tips given in the video. I never had any real education on the classical guitar but I found that those tips are very intuitive for any average guitar player.
Right now I can't even imagine being able to make this chord fluidly or which path to follow to be able to do it.
TL;DR Is it actually all about technique and not hand size? Can I increase my left hand spread with exercises at 38yo?
Photos showing my hand making this chord in third and first person and a pro (Sanja Plohl) doing the same chord effortlessly:
https://ibb.co/NCyrDLs https://ibb.co/TBq1JJy https://ibb.co/SsrtgX8 https://ibb.co/prnfvs9

21F, Healthy BMI
Conditions: ADHD + Raynaud’s + Gilbert’s syndrome + chronic constipation (bowel movements 1-3 times a week, was severe during childhood. No known cause)
Medications: Spironolactone 50mg, Accutane 10mg, Dexedrine 30mg
My father died of a heart attack a few years ago, and I’m not sure whether I’d have a higher risk of circulation issues? They didn’t do an autopsy; the cause of death was just listed as a heart attack. He died whilst out on a solo run, but he hit his head so hopefully wasn’t conscious and didn’t feel any pain.
A few months before he died, he fainted while out on a run. He went to the hospital, and they did an angiogram and took some tests but didn’t find anything notable, so they sent him home. He was 60 years old and had high blood pressure and Raynaud’s. He was very fit and had completed a triathlon just 6 months before he died and had always been a healthy weight, and didn’t smoke nor drink.
This is relevant to me because I’ve started to notice sensations I’ve not experienced before. I’ve always had mild Raynaud’s (numb, purple, white fingers), and this might be the same for everyone but whenever I’m standing upright, and not shifting my weight around my feet go white/purple and completely numb. Here’s a list of new symptoms I’m experiencing, but I’m unsure whether any are related or worrisome at all

• Tingling and numbness in hands but no color change (similar but not the same feeling as Raynaud’s)
• Faint tremors in hands when not cold
• Hair falling out noticeably
• Toenails have stopped growing
• Rash on chest when my heart rate increases quickly; the rash is red and splotchy but has no sensation
• I drink 3-4 liters of water daily but will only pee in the morning if I remember or once later in the day
• occasional strong burning pain/tingling in my right pinky toe but only when I’m walking
• Fingers swollen when I wake up occasionally

I’m baffled because nothing has changed in my life recently. I’ve had a blood test, and there was nothing abnormal there. I exercise daily, a minimum of 10km steps, and either run or do strength training. I also eat nutritious foods and don’t drink or smoke anything.
My main concern is that these symptoms are all relatively new, and I don’t know whether they mean anything. Searching online is just confusing, and I’d like to hear some opinions before I see a Doctor.
I hope this is coherent and not just a gigantic info dump! Is there a chance I might have inherited something from my Dad? Or any reasons why I could be experiencing these? Or am I just being a complete hypochondriac? If you have any thoughts at all, please let me know. Thanks in advance!!!

When I was a a Freshman in high school I was taking part in an exercise in theater class where we were down on our knees pretending to be waves on the shore; extending our arms out and dragging them back along the carpet. Unfortunately, one of the times I was dragging my fingers back I got the tiniest piece of dirt lodged into my nail. It felt like it split horizontally.
For the last 20+ years my nail has been SUPER ridged and brittle. It grows upward and the nail bed appears to have “rolled forward”. Sorry if that’s confusing, but that’s my best attempt at describing it. Over the years I’ve tried every once in a while to figure out what’s going on with my nail. I’ve tried letting it grow out (I’m a nail biter, so that’s tough). I’ve tried trimming it WAY back, but that hasn’t worked either.
Today was a “trim way back day” so I figured I’d share a few images of my nail to see if anyone has seen anything like this, or may have some recommendations for what I can do to start growing a normal nail on my ring finger again. The last image is what the nail on my other hand looks like, for comparison.
Any help would be SO appreciated. And if this isn’t the right place to post, please point me in the right direction. Thanks!