hello!
i'm new to the indie community—i'm neurospicy (though i have two diff diagnoses across two diff countries) and have had a fixation on fragrances for a while; thousands of dollars spent on niche perfumes that triggered cascades of dopamine ejaculation from my neurons (sorry for the word choice, i wanted to be as vivid with my imagery as possible), i've decided to branch into indies after getting a bit bored with niche offerings :)
i'm also very picky choosy and almost never blind-buy when i buy niche, but obviously for indies, i don't have the luxury of being able to sniff and test out frags on my skin before pulling the trigger—and this applies for samples as well! indie or niche, i always did research into notes and compared reviews on fragrantica and even the fragrance/perfume subreddits before pulling the trigger. fragrantica isn't really an option for indies, unfortunately, so i turned to IMAM and read as many reviews on fragrances from different houses that caught my interest!
a few full sizes and sample orders later (i learned the hard way why it's important to sample before FSing...🫠) i've now grown my indie collection to at least 2 dozen? off the top of my head? and would love to contribute back to the community! there are some perfumes that i pulled the trigger on knowing they were gambles because i couldn't find as much information on them as i wanted, and i know how frustrating or lost-feeling it's like to need information and not be able to get it :( so i'd like to contribute to the review pool!
i've left reviews as comments before, but through my own searching journeys on the subreddit, i realized that it's easier to find posts with reviews rather than searching through terms in the comments in the subreddit and having to comb through buy/sell comments or whatnot... so i wanted to start writing review posts..! i'm just a bit lost on how to start, as i know indie perfumes especially smell different in different forms (oil/edp), different people's skins, even aging..! etc. so i was curious to how the seasoned indie perfumes consumers (and artists!) did their review process. i'm especially new to oil perfumes—was originally an oil hater, but now i'm discovering more and more of their advantages/benefits (i'm looking for the english equivalent of the korean word 장점)—so i'd really appreciate some feedback on how i should be testing these!
for example, one tip that i got after stalking one of the houses that i tried and fell in love with at first sight (sniff? first order?) was to not just to a sniff sniff whiff whiff, but also smell retronasally—it's really opened up how i smell ALL of my perfumes, and i've gone back to every scent in my collection just to smell retronasally. i got this tip off osmofolia's sab! it was on their tiktok—i consider it a personal flex that i am not a regular tiktok user, but sab had me opening the tiktok app three days in a row... and osmofolia is my heart eyes, heart-goes-LUB-DUB-really-fast, dopamine cascade house right now.
if you've read this far, thank you for reading my long word vomit ramble! i'd really appreciate some tips and tricks from the community so i can give back (intellectually? experience-wise?) as much information and knowledge as i have received (and hopefully help out future indie beginners like me)!

Hello. This will be long but I need help.
I have suffered from a low self esteem for as long as I can remember which has specially gotten worse in the last 3 years.
I’m the youngest of 4 siblings with loving parents and have had a nice environment at home overall. My siblings and I have a pretty big age gap so I will say that I always had two sets of parents hovering over me and trying to control me.
Academically I’ve always been slow. Never got good grades, was admitted into a pretty average university and never got to complete my undergrad degree because I had to start working.
You could say I’m street smart so I kicked off my career with a wonderful job (without a degree), gained experienced, got another amazing job and so on.
It was in 2021 that I had to leave my job as I was getting married and moving to a different city and then in 2022 to a different country where unfortunately I can neither study nor work due to my visa limitations.
This has brought a huge toll on me now. I look at my age fellows and see how much they’ve achieved in life and it makes me wonder why I was never able to do so. I find it difficult to make friends because I’m constantly worried about what they’ll think of me. If I say something dumb to somebody, I replay that scene in my mind over and over again thinking how I embarrassed myself. I don’t value my own thoughts, goals, or dreams and like to put myself in the backseat so other people can come forward, so much so that I left everything and moved to a different country only for my husband to fulfil his academic plans.
I am always trying to please people, always trying to get everyone’s validation, cannot set boundaries, I am afraid to ask for help because I think it will make me look weak, I don’t see a positive future for myself ever, I don’t like how I look physically now because I’ve completely lost my spark in the last 3 years.
I need help. I want to do something about this because now it has gotten to a point where it is affecting me in many more ways that I could have ever imagined.

I know this gets brought up occasionally but I want to discuss this as it’s affected my life drastically. I’m sick of people our age seeing mistakes, bad moments, or negativity as unforgivable. Like we have this mindset we were born into the future so the mistakes of the past must never be repeated, and if they are, you’re a monster. Nobody looks at the individual, and how that individual grows and is overcoming their issues. I’ve been treated as if I have a time limit of how long I have a hard time before I’m a piece of shit.
My story goes, I have spent two years in undiagnosed chronic pain unable to work. Along with numerous other issues. My life isn’t good. I can never act as if it is. It feels dishonest to just lie to myself and be positive. I’m literally just trying not to dip out early. BUT if I even talk about my situation, my peers don’t offer support but instead see me as pessimistic when I’m just venting. I’m expected as an adult male to figure this out alone, and because I’ve been frustrated over this in the past, I am a negative person. Whenever I see these lovey dovey positivity posts, I don’t see genuine help. I see a temporary crutch to hold until that mindset gets questioned, then the crutch breaks. I see people putting their own comfort of mind over everyone around them. Because it’s your life to live kinda thing. I disagree, yea it’s good to be positive, but not if it’s a lie. That isn’t foundation. And there’s 8 billion people in the world to take into account for, not just what makes you happy. I believe the moment you befriend someone, that’s also someone you should value just as much as yourself. People are so fast to give up on someone going through a hard time if they’re mishandling it. I often believe people can handle more than what they think too. Like being around a negative person to me, doesn’t affect me to the point I’m going to start feeling negative and want to die. I often feel a need to help, and apparently no one else thinks like that. They Just avoid all obstacles, don’t work through problems in relationships because there’s a perfect match waiting for you somewhere, stop wasting your time with someone who has faults. That person is bad, so give up. Make them worse. Stay positive, focus on you. To summarize, I view honesty as a better problem solver and treatment than positivity. And that we need to be more forgiving with each other.
I wrote this specifically in hopes someone can help me change my mind. And also because I haven’t felt this lack of tolerating people with older people/ generations. I’ve lost countless friends so I know I’m doing something wrong here. I want to change, to live, and be better. But nobody sees that part, they just think I’m gonna be mad forever and I’ve changed permanently. Yea I’ve said some bad things from agony and frustration but my peers should’ve known I’m dealing with a lot and it likely didn’t mean anything. I just don’t get why people stop understanding someone’s behavior after a certain extent no matter what that person has gone through. I feel just thrown away by the word around me because I screwed up a few times. Yet people I know who’ve done absolute horrific things are favorites amongst those people. Most of me wants to say “Fuck you guys, I’m finding new people who will stay when shit gets hard, who will value me and fight for me”.
Also I don’t expect my adult friends to be there at all times. One of them said “I’m not a dog who’ll be there whenever you want, but I’ll love you from afar” kind of thing. I don’t view my peers as dogs. Just none of them have checked in or said hi in months and I feel neglected. Like I wasted my time with these people and I need new peers. Which would be fine. I just don’t want to try if everyone in our generation acts this way. Just gaslighting positivity and those who don’t follow that light, are left in the dark.
Thanks for reading, I don’t want to argue with any of you. Just wanted some thoughts. Please be kind.

I have recently have had more time to play some games and need another game to play!
Just a warning, I am not well versed into the RPG realm as most people in this sub I assume, so I apologize if this post may seem very uneducated to read.
Game Systems I have to play are PS5 and PC!
I have always been a huge fan of fantasy like games that revolve around swords, magic, etc.
I have deeply fallen in love with Baldur's Gate 3 first playing it at its summer launch, one playthrough being a solo run, and another being a multiplayer run with friends. I had such a great time with this game and it has made my all time list of gaming experiences!
After finishing BG3, I wanted to scratch that itch again, and began my journey with Dragon Age Origins. And despite being an old game, this game surprised me and also made me fall in love with the world and characters. Playing this was such a great experience and has also made my top gaming experience list.
So, after finishing these last two games, I was wondering what game would you recommend me to play next?
Some things I like in these games that would help for recommendation:
Great Party Members/Cast: When playing these games, I love all the lore and story that came with characters like Shadow Heart and Morrigan, and how different characters developed throughout your time with them. these games provided such quality members that it really felt like I was playing with real people and real personalities.
Party Managing Combat: One aspect I really loved about these games were the battles. Being able to strategize combat and taking specific people to certain battles always seemed very fun to me. Another game I had played that I really love as well was Marvel's Midnight Suns, which also is a great game for party managing!
Voice Acting: This one is not a must have, but I must say that this really helped with the immersion of the game. BG3 did so great with the Voice actors, expressing such emotion and a voice that fits the characters so well. And the same thing can be said with DAO. while I understand some games may not have had the budget for VA's, I cannot lie when I say that having a game with voice acting greatly improves my experience with it overall!
Relationship system with party members: I think a great part of my experience with games like BG3, DAO, and Midnight Suns is that party members reacted to your decisions and conversations. There were also chances where you could pursue deeper conversations to learn lore and more about the character. I believe this aspect created way more immersion for me, and made me feel like I was dealing with real people with different emotions and personalities, and I would need to approach each character differently.
Apologize for the long response and if this was a hard read! but if anyone could help me with a recommendation that would be great!
One game that was recommended to me was Mass Effect. While this game seems up my alley, I did not seem to click with it at first play, that may be due to me not liking space setting games or movies as much. I also did not really like the gun/shooter like aspect of combat. I do want to try this game again though, as it seems weird I do not like this. Am I the only one that did not click with Mass effect?

https://preview.redd.it/874d5qfd3u1d1.png?width=890&format=png&auto=webp&s=50ffa55f9b39a1a2b239ab2ea1ab6994d4805a54
I know that the number of applicants is not actually the number of people applying, but even then 6000+ within a few days of posting the job is insane ! Every company out there wants PMs with 4+, 8+, 10+ years of experience only. The ones hiring for entry-level PMs are flooded with so many applications that even with referral there is no chance of your resume ever getting noticed. I've gotten a straight rejection from all the firms I applied to because I have only 1+yrs of PM experience. It doesn't matter to recruiters that I have 4yrs of SDE experience with Product Owner & PM responsibilities.
How is an entry-level level PM supposed to survive in this market if they get laid off?

Context is at the end of this post __________________________________________________
In the stormy northern seas lies the island of Amaria. Under the polar lights in cold forests live the descendants of the once great Varaki, who in turn followed the mammoth herds across the steppes for countless eons. These are the gods and spirits of this land. They live in every tree, every lake, every star, deep below the ocean and beyond the polar lights in four domains.
The underworld, a place of transition between life, death and rebirth. It was made after the creation of the material to help souls find their way back to life. The spirits of this domain all take the shape of dragons with red eyes and golden patterns.

• Räkimarak: Lord of the underworld and of all its riches. Every stone, flint and gems alike, belong to him. A great violet dragon with enormous antlers. He reviews the lives of all that died and guides them to the new lives they deserve. Father of all dragons of the underworld.
• Idaka: Wife of Räkimarak, goddess of love and beauty. She resides at the darkest place, where her light shines the brightest. A violet dragon with a frill and wings of red rose petals with golden patterns. She stands for all encompassing unconditional love and reunites loving souls in their next lives. Mother of all dragons of the underworld.
• Kimorak: Firstborn son of Räkimarak and Idaka, guide of souls who escorts the souls of the dead into the underworld. A great black dragon with golden horns. Every mortal he touches sees and feels their life in great detail from the point of view of those they affected. In the process, mortals always see something they need to see.
• Galorak: Lord of caves and their denizes, bats. A small black dragon with bat ears and a bat nose. Caves are entrances to the underworld and bats are its sacred animals. They are not to be harmed. But since they are also messengers of death, one must keep a safe distance. Don't disturb the bats or Galorak may convince his older brother to take you too soon.
• Letorak: Messenger of the underworld. A small black dragon with golden antlers. Whenever Kimorak takes a soul, they often have something to tell their loved ones. Something they didn't have the time or the courage to say in life. It is Letorak's task to convey these messages through dreams.
• Vhedurak: The white dragon who heals souls between death and rebirth, so they don't take wounds from one life to the next.
• Ohnarak: Craftsman of the underworld. A great yellow dragon who can make anything out of the riches of this realm.
• Vahirak: Builder of the underworld. A great brown dragon with antlers he can use to dig new caves or cover up old ones as needed.
• Voomarak and Vothorak: The great hunters keeping the underworld free of demons preying on scared souls. Two emerald dragon who can turn invisible. The younger brother Voomarak has golden horns and is also the patron of boys and unmarried men. The older brother Vothorak has great golden antlers and is also the patron of married men.
• Mokorak, Kaharak, Roporak and Sukorak: The four golden-headed red dragons guarding the entrances to the underworld. Mokorak has the ears and nose of a bat, Kaharak has four horns, Roporak great antlers and Sukorak the wings and feathers of a swan.
• Tathorak: The great beast, god of violence and bloodshed, the only dragon of this realm who is not a son of Räkimarak and Idaka. A huge gray dragon with three heads, three tails and three pairs of wings. The most powerful beast in the cosmos, but devoid of empathy or understanding. He is imprisoned at the second deepest, darkest point of the underworld, where he guards the only being living even deeper below, the Nameless One.

The boundaries. This is the realm of souls and spirits, dreams and nightmares, the skies and oceans and all waters deep and shallow. This domain has existed before time even began. It is endless and timeless.

• Kavijohka: The moon, a great silver dragon with glowing teal eyes. Sister of Räkimarak and goddess of wisdom, cunning and battle.
• Vellamun: The ocean, husband of Kavijohka, a great blue dragon with red eyes and golden patterns. God of the unknown and lord of all waters. Sometimes, he stretches his hands out to land, creating bogs and swamps.
• Lukilan: The morning star, son of Kavijohka and Vellamun. He is the lightbringer who gives people the power of sight. An azure dragon with emerald eyes and a golden morning star on every scale and a third eye on his forehead.
• Sojulan: The great traveller, son of Kavijohka and Vellamun, a black dragon with red eyes and the neck and wings of a black swan. He travels between the waters, land and air and protects all fellow travelers.
• Turikan: Lord of storms, thunder and lightning. The loudest and most unruly son of Kavijohka and Vellamun. A blue dragon with red eyes and a golden lightning pattern on his scales. His tail is like a hammer, hurling lightning bolts at the ground as he roars.
• Lumika: Goddess of magic, daughter of Kavijohka and Vellamun, a silver dragon with teals eyes and scales shimmering with polar lights. She continues in the footsteps of her mother.
• Ilunika: Goddess of grief, daughter of Kavijohka and Vellamun, a silver dragon with teal eyes and the neck and wings of a black swan. She travels to and from the world of the living and the dead to take the grief of letting go upon her. Whenever she crosses the boundary, she has to go through the ocean and that is where tears comes from. That is why they are salty.
• Avastaja: The great trickster. A shapeshifter, usually appearing with the attributes of a barn owl. Most often as an owl-headed human or a fox/dragon with the head and wings of an owl. The youngest child of Kavijohka and Vellamun who defies all boundaries, uses the powers of all his/her siblings (except for Ilunika, because Avastaja has standards) to protect the jesters and jokers. But he/she is also a scolar and explorer, who uses Lukilan's light to find new ways to mess with people.
• Aiwana: Wife of Avastaja and goddess of memory. A shapeshifter, usually taking the same shape as her husband/wife Avastaja. She paints everything she sees into the skies and caves of Amaria and lives in every single one of the most sacred objects of all Amaria, the fairy memory stones. But Avastaja is rubbing off on her and sometimes, she plays tricks on you.
• The Ashirana: Goddesses of the arts, each of which has its own Ashiran patron. One for painters, wood carvers, musicians and for storytellers.

The world of the living. This is our material world.

• Kadath: The sun, greatest of all dragons with shining golden scales and golden eyes. God of justice who sees all... during the day that is. At night, his sister Kavijohka rules and she has a different idea of justice. Sometimes, she tries to turn the day to night, causing an eclipse. But in the end, Kadath always wins these confrontations. Especially when people light fires and cheer him on.
• Inari: Mother nature, goddess of life and all plants and animals. A great green dragon with wings and a frill made of flowers. She provides all food, but only as long as nature is in balance. Unlike her husband Kadath, Inaro does not care about justice, only balance. Those who anger her are punished mercilessly, no matter how long it takes, sometimes more than they deserve.
• Ilmania: Goddess of healing, firstborn daughter of Kadath and Inari. She was the first fairy, a tall woman with long pointy ears. Her descendant, although far shorter, are still endowed with her healing powers and compassion.
• Vrila: Protector of the home and hearth, patron of married women and the goddess of affectionate familiar love between equals. Secondborn daughter of Kadath and Inari. A woman, always accompanied by a cat and carrying a sling. The weapon of a lady, which requires skill and finesse instead of strong arms and can be more deadly than a bow in the right hands.
• Aria: Protector of girls and unmarried women, goddess of erotic love. A young woman with hair reaching to her ankles. She often reincarnates among mortals for fun. That is why the Amarians do not look down on women looking for fun. They might be dealing with a goddess in disguise.
• Mahaseta: The great white mammoth, goddess of the old world of Varaki. She and Inari together created dogs to protect humanity from dangers of the material and other worlds. All forest elephants and mammoths are her children and as such, sacred. But she was not born a goddess. Mahaseta was born a human. When Avastaja wanted to prove to the others that the material world and humanity are worth preserving, he appeared to Mahaseta in the most terrifying form and ordered her to sacrifice one of her own children to him. But Mahaseta refused. First she begged for the lives of all her children, then she offered her own life instead and when Avastaja refused, she spat in his face. No punishment could be worse than having to murder your own child. With these words, Mahaseta ascended to godhood.
• Retaro: Son of Mahaseta, who became a god by his mother's love. A great white tiger with blue eyes. Guardian of Amaria, lord of the forests and god of the hunt.
• Red Lady and Blue Knight: Also known as the Blue Lady and Red Knight. A pair of lovers who find each other in every new life they are born into. Living as mortals, they are the paragons of loyalty for all Amarians.

Evil. This is not actually a domain, but a state of mind. A very lonely one.

• The Nameless One: God of Evil, who goes by many false names. He lures mortals in with impossible promises to make them do his bidding. The Nameless One orders blood sacrifice and the killing of those who disobey him. He demands to worshiped and praised every day and is jealous of all those gods who receive praise without asking for it. Thus, the Nameless One also seeks to be the only one. No matter the cost to everyone else or even himself.

__________________________________________________
Context: I am currently working on a stone age fantasy novel and I'm sooo close to finishing it, but the last couple chapters are taking longer than expected. It's set on a forested island named Amaria\ at a time when people are making their first steps towards sedentary life and domestication** of plants and animals. Here is the pantheon I worked out for the Amarians.*
You can read my novel for free on Wattpad and Inkitt. I am planning to publish it on Royal Road too. If you know any other platform that might be good for fantasy stories, feel free to tell me.
\Amaria is short for "Amara Aria", which translates to "Gift of the gods/spirits". Aria means gift and Amara is the plural of Amar. The term Amar can not be literally translated into English. It's an umbrella term for all sorts of nature spirits, gods as well as entities one might compare to angels or saints. So it refers to a person with transcendent characteristics and always carries positive connotations.*
\*Dogs have been domesticated by the ancestors of the Amarians for tens of thousands of years already and are central to their culture. It is believed that they have the same souls as humans, so eating a dog would be considered cannibalism. So far the only other note on domestication I have in the books is the pruning of hazelnut trees to get more nuts. That's something I will change in later drafts. Nightshades will be far more important to the civilization emerging on Amaria in the coming millennia.*

The truth is, I’ve never experienced a relationship. I’ve never kissed someone, I’ve never been with someone sensually and I never had a deep conversation with someone. I never had that chance to have a connection with someone and I feel like there aren’t people out there who truly understand what I’m dealing with. I’m not perfect and unfortunately people strive for perfection. I've pretty confidence when it comes to looks face wise but I'm not confident when it comes to my body. I’ve always put in the effort and truly want to experience loving someone. I’ve always wanted to experience silly moments. I’ve always wanted to enjoy company with someone where I can put overthinking aside. I've always wanted someone that I can grow with sensually. I’m someone who enjoys moments of quiet without expecting someone to talk to me. I believe being comfortable is key to having good communication. I know saying all of this is meaningless for some because preferences are key but that’s just how I’ve been thinking lately. I don’t mind any culture or race and I wish people judged based on personality.
My life a years ago while suffering through depression and anxiety affected me greatly. I’ve been dealing with negative energy which caused me to be unestablished with life with no type of motivational goals. I was extremely overweight lying in bed all day doing nothing but playing games. My family had put a lot of their problems on me, and I was usually the scapegoat for their narcissistic traits. Regardless, I am still grateful because my life could have been worse. While my parent’s gave me a hard time, I am still able to pursue life goals and bettering myself with a roof over my head, which is why I will always be grateful for them. While my life now has changed a lot. I am still in the process of self improvement. Currently I’m finishing up my first year in college studying for a technology degree. I’ve always wanted to experience college and I also wanted to have a good future with a degree that can open multiple opportunities for me. I’ve also lost a significant amount of weight. I don’t have the “ideal” body that most look for, but I’ve been feeling better for myself recently which is all I need. Self care plays a major role in changing my wellbeing. I picked up some new hobbies along the way. I’ve been fascinated with aquariums and aqua scaping. I’ve been in love with nature and everything to do with it. I’ve also started watching more shows and movies.
If you’ve reached the end, I appreciate you giving me the time to even read this. I don’t like sharing my name randomly, but you can call me Ken for now. I’m willing to show my picture so don’t be afraid to ask. My height is 5’9, I’m a black American with a light skin complexion. I wear glasses, I don’t have any tattoos, I don’t have any piercings, I don’t smoke or do drugs, I drink on special occasions but would be nice to finally have someone to casually drink with, I normally dress presentable, I smile a lot and tend to be silly, I don’t mind any humor. I lean more to be extremely introverted which gave me my shy and awkward traits, I am respectful and treat people how I want to be treated. I love to game, especially on PC. I’m always down to trying a variety but my favorites so far have been anything from Tom Clancy or a game to vibe to whether it’s Mine Craft or some old 2d games like maple story. I love watching streams especially GTA RP, I love watching YouTube, I love watching anime and reading manga. When I’m not too focused on college I tend to do them more. I don’t mind going out, which is something I would love to get more comfortable with. I’m always willing to try new hobbies.
All that I can ask from you is to be patient with me. Most importantly, JUST BE YOU. Besides interest being the most important thing when it comes to connecting, I would appreciate someone closer to me in NYC or train distance. I will consider another distance if the connection is right. My personality and hobbies are very important when it comes to connecting so I would appreciate it if you’re similar in thar regards. I tend to stick to one person than multiple people at one time. I want to be able to understand you how you would understand me. Before you talk to me, understand that I’m in the process of improving my life. That means, don’t expect a 27 year old to be established with everything. I’m working on it. So please, to avoid certain spams, can you tell me about yourself just like how I did in this post of mine. Thank you.

The truth is, I’ve never experienced a relationship. I’ve never kissed someone; I’ve never been with someone sexually and I never had a deep conversation with someone. I never had that chance to have a connection with someone and I feel like there aren’t people out there who truly understand what I’m dealing with. I’m not perfect and unfortunately people strive for perfection. I've pretty confidence when it comes to looks face wise but I'm not confident when it comes to my body. I’ve always put in the effort and truly want to experience loving someone. I’ve always wanted to experience silly moments. I’ve always wanted to enjoy company with someone where I can put overthinking aside. I've always wanted someone that I can grow with sexually. I’m someone who enjoys moments of quiet without expecting someone to talk to me. I believe being comfortable is key to having good communication. I know saying all of this is meaningless for some because preferences are key but that’s just how I’ve been thinking lately. I don’t mind any culture or race and I wish people judged based on personality.
My life a years ago while suffering through depression and anxiety affected me greatly. I’ve been dealing with negative energy which caused me to be unestablished with life with no type of motivational goals. I was extremely overweight lying in bed all day doing nothing but playing games. My family had put a lot of their problems on me, and I was usually the scapegoat for their narcissistic traits. Regardless, I am still grateful because my life could have been worse. While my parent’s gave me a hard time, I am still able to pursue life goals and bettering myself with a roof over my head, which is why I will always be grateful for them. While my life now has changed a lot. I am still in the process of self improvement. Currently I’m finishing up my first year in college studying for a technology degree. I’ve always wanted to experience college and I also wanted to have a good future with a degree that can open multiple opportunities for me. I’ve also lost a significant amount of weight. I don’t have the “ideal” body that most look for, but I’ve been feeling better for myself recently which is all I need. Self care plays a major role in changing my wellbeing. I picked up some new hobbies along the way. I’ve been fascinated with aquariums and aqua scaping. I’ve been in love with nature and everything to do with it. I’ve also started watching more shows and movies.
If you’ve reached the end, I appreciate you giving me the time to even read this. I don’t like sharing my name randomly, but you can call me Ken for now. I’m willing to show my picture so don’t be afraid to ask. My height is 5’9, I’m a black American with a light skin complexion. I wear glasses, I don’t have any tattoos, I don’t have any piercings, I don’t smoke or do drugs, I drink on special occasions but would be nice to finally have someone to casually drink with, I normally dress presentable, I smile a lot and tend to be silly, I don’t mind any humor. I lean more to be extremely introverted which gave me my shy and awkward traits, I am respectful and treat people how I want to be treated. I love to game, especially on PC. I’m always down to trying a variety but my favorites so far have been anything from Tom Clancy or a game to vibe to whether it’s Mine Craft or some old 2d games like maple story. I love watching streams especially GTA RP, I love watching YouTube, I love watching anime and reading manga. When I’m not too focused on college I tend to do them more. I don’t mind going out, which is something I would love to get more comfortable with. I’m always willing to try new hobbies.
All that I can ask from you is to be patient with me. Most importantly, JUST BE YOU. Besides interest being the most important thing when it comes to connecting, I would appreciate someone closer to me in NYC or train distance. I will consider another distance if the connection is right. My personality and hobbies are very important when it comes to connecting so I would appreciate it if you’re similar in thar regards. I tend to stick to one person than multiple people at one time. I want to be able to understand you how you would understand me. Before you talk to me, understand that I’m in the process of improving my life. That means, don’t expect a 27 year old to be established with everything. I’m working on it. So please, to avoid certain spams, can you tell me about yourself just like how I did in this post of mine. Thank you.

DISCLAIMER: This is a RANT that's going here as someone who just graduated from SOA, and I'm sure there's discourse that's already been going on for a while around what I have to say that I'm just new to it but what I have to say just feels urgent to shout at a bunch of people, but specifically people who might be receptive/interested in taking action on it/at least thinking through it and debating it. SO while there might be a better space for this post, we'll see what moderators and anyone else on here might think.
SO:
As title states. IMO Big Tech has really truly gotten out of hand in controlling and having influence over every aspect of human culture and society globally; way, WAY too much power. I think this is real bad and a lot of us aren't vibing with it, and we should be trying to disrupt Big Tech's power.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ibMd_Jx9daw&t=1s
This conversation about AI in music/Spotify sparked a march larger chain of thought in me about something that I took for granted but didn't realize the scope of. Across nearly every industry, Big Tech is running mass/macro culture into the ground. Movie studios don't take risks on things because all profits rely on streaming services (no more Blockbuster rentals to make up box office losses). All forms of media, entertainment, even journalism or information, the whole game of content--
I don't know if anyone else has felt this way, but I feel like the algorithms feeding me content every day don't even work at hacking my lizard brain anymore like they used to; I mean most of the shit they show me on social media and other apps these days just doesn't hold my attention or interest me any more. It feels like, no offense STEM peeps, your services and function in society and humanity is vital, but seems like fueled by the structures of capitalism, a bunch of STEM peeps in Silicon Valley thought they could reduce the human spirit to math and engineering, and the feeling I have of cultural stagnation seems to me to prove the overstep of Tech Companies incentivized to grow ceaselessly with no greater reason than higher stock prices.
Has anyone else not felt like art and culture has been kind of stagnant lately? Art and culture has been taken over my tech companies and on the macro level, shit is just bad an uninspired and I feel like we're all really in need of many kinds of revolution, but also one that's more a humanistic creative artistic and cultural revolution.
Does Tech really need to just keep advancing? I'm not convinced humanity is doomed unless Tech companies just keep expanding and exploding and completely shifting the entire nature of the human experience in a single human lifetime. I'm not convinced that's necessary or inevitable. I'm not anti-tech either, but I think the version we've gotten of monopolized capitalist tech corps turning our digital commons into a deeply surveilled Digital Disney World is not inevitable.
I'm speculating here, but I'm day-dreaming about young creatives, inspired STEM peeps, perhaps even some of YOU, who might be trying to figure out how to make new decentralized internet, how to create more new micro internet culture. Create hardware systems that people can access and allows them to communicate with other people in different ways than devices created by corporations; DEI software and hardware not owned and controllled by corporations, almost a vision of anarchist tech, with clever people using the comms systems already in place to let the masses know and teach them about these new spaces forming on new internets and new systems that massive corps can't control. Make virtual meeting spaces and modes of communication that aren't owned by Musk, Bezos, and Zuck.
I know shit like this already exists and it immediately gets targeted (and i'm sure sometimes fairly when it's actually used by criminals and terrorists)--but I believe the right people are clever enough to design something that could be innocent and benign enough to really break through and disrupt the monopoly of the tech corps.
We can do better tech, better internet, and we can disrupt the power of these tech companies, because a handful of these assholes have just been going to town on human civilization for the last decade and these mfs need to be put in their place. I don't believe we have to inevitably plow into a cyberpunk dystopia; I think the last few months on campus should have everyone here in agreement that if enough people feel strongly enough about something and choose to resist it together, things can happen.

Hi all! After a crazy, but incredibly fun and rewarding year earning my pilot certs, I wanted to make a write-up of my experience in hopes that it’ll be helpful for any other aspiring or current pilots. To summarize, I went from zero aviation experience to CFII in 13 months, Part 61, paying as I go and on the pretty cheap side. I do want to emphasize that I was ~incredibly~ lucky and had some very generous people who helped me out, and I could not have done this as efficiently and cheaply if it weren’t for them. I’m going to list all my takeaways below, but I think my biggest piece of advice is to network as much as you can because there are some amazing, generous people in this community that want to see us all succeed.
Background:
For context, I’m in my mid to late twenties and have been in the workforce for about 5 years. Through a combination of factors I decided to make a career switch to professional pilot but was hesitant because I did not want to take on debt. I have a family member who is an airline pilot who helped me devise a plan. I moved home and kept working my job remotely so I was able to put all my paychecks towards flying.
Private Pilot – 3 months, 75 hours TT, $12k
I did my private in a Piper Archer owned by my local FBO. The owner allowed my family member to be my instructor and gave me a small discount for pre-paying hours. We flew almost daily. I also took ground school at another local FBO in-person, and that was much more helpful than having to learn everything on my own because I was brand new to aviation. I took the private written exam as soon as my ground school concluded which was also the week of my checkride (bad idea in hindsight, but it worked out).
I solo’d around 25 hours and took my checkride with about 60 hours in the Archer (15 additional hours were in a friend’s airplane). The checkride was challenging, but straightforward and I was well prepared. The DPE said good things about me afterward and I was officially a private pilot! I’d be happy to answer questions or do a writeup in a separate post on any of my checkrides but for the sake of brevity I’ll skip that for now.
~Key takeaways from private:~
Fly as often as possible and make sure your instructor is aligned with that. Also stay on top of ground school. Also, don’t rush to take the checkride before you’re ready, it’s okay to have a lot of practice first. Lastly, I know DPE availability is a big issue in lots of areas and can cause people to have to wait on a checkride even though they’ve been ready for months. In my experience, if you try hard enough and call around, you will find someone. However, it might mean you have to travel a little bit which I know is not possible for everyone.
Instrument – 2 months, 150 hours TT, $14k
I was feeling a little fatigued after private so I was slow to start studying for instrument. I started by doing a lot of flying for fun, mainly flying in the Archer by myself on little cross countries to check off some of the requirements (in hindsight I should have found someone to split time with).
I did my instrument at a flight school in one of the adjacent states. This particular school specializes in accelerated programs, but they do not have a formalized instrument course. I went in-person and spoke with the director of flight operations to discuss my options. Since I had to take PTO to do this, the goal was to finish my instrument in one week with the checkride at the end. I paid a flat rate for the airplane and instructor time. I also stayed over there during that week so I had to pay for housing as well.
Before I went over there, I did some prep in the Archer that I did my private in and took the written exam (Sheppard air). I also purchased Sporty’s Instrument course and used that to prep and for the endorsement needed to take the written. The week I spent at the flight school was honestly a blast, and I was able to take my checkride on day 7 with 20 hours in the plane and about 4 hours of sim time. Again, happy to discuss the checkride in the comments or another post.
~Key takeaways from instrument:~
TAKE THE IRA, FII, AND IGI EXAMS AT THE SAME TIME. You only have to purchase the IRA Sheppard course and can take all 3 exams back to back. Also, again stay on top of ground school because instrument flying requires a lot of technical knowledge. But it honestly is really fun!
Commercial – 3 months, 263 hours TT, $8k
The biggest challenge for commercial was time building, of course. This is where networking saved me. I made friends with another instructor who frequented my local FBO who also owns a plane. He needed the time as well so we flew together a lot and I paid for the fuel. I also had another friend at the airport who owns a plane that he doesn’t fly often and offered to let me time build in that (again, I’ve been so lucky to come across some very generous people).
I did my checkride in the Archer that I learned in with my family member signing me off, and with the same DPE who did my private. Commercial was probably the easiest one I had done so far, but it still was no joke! I will say I was amazed with how much easier things came to me by this point versus when I first started, which was a great feeling.
~Key takeaways from commercial:~
Network, network, network. Spend as much time as you can at your local FBO or flight school and make friends with everyone. Like I’ve said, there are some very generous people out there who love to help out new pilots, and I could not have made it this far without them.
Also, in retrospect, it would have been a really good idea to have done commercial from the right seat. I’ve heard of a lot of people doing that and if I had, I would have been able to knock out CFI a lot sooner and cheaper.
Multi-engine add-on – 1 week, 298 hours TT, $4.3k
Shortly after getting my CPL, I had a week of PTO and decided to knock out my multi add-on. I found a flight school with a Seminole and got ahold of their MEI, and we figured we could knock it out during that week. I contacted the DPE who did my private and commercial and we scheduled my checkride for the end of the week. This flight school was about 2 hours driving from home, and I was able to stay with friends while I was there.
This one was a little challenging because this was in January in the midwest and we were seeing a lot of low IFR days. We ended up getting weathered out the first half of the week, but luckily the Seminole was an easy transition for me and we got me trained up in 3 days, 8 hours of flying. I took the checkride as scheduled and passed (I will say I have had extremely good luck with weather for all of my checkride days so far).
Sidenote: Prior to this checkride, I also took the AGI and IGI exams and asked the DPE who did my multi checkride to sign off on the ground instructor certificate at the same time. I did this because I’ve heard it helps when applying to CFI jobs (shows a little extra effort) and it was easier to do it this way versus having a FSDO issue the cert. Cost me $50 to the DPE.
~Key takeaways from multi:~
Do your research to find an airplane at a good rate. I paid $395 per hour which included the instructor, but I’ve seen some schools charging a lot more. Also, I looked into schools with accelerated courses that you pay as a package, and based on my experience I would not recommend because I was able to do it much cheaper my way.
My instructor did a good job of making sure I knew all the aircraft systems well enough to teach them in case I go for my MEI (which I would like to do soon). Since the MEL is light on material, I highly recommend this. Also, when I was doing research I was told to look for a Seminole or DA-42 because they’re easy trainers, which I would agree with based on my limited experience.
CFI – 1 month (on top of all my experience thus far), 316 hours TT, $5k
This was the scariest one for me. I had heard all along that CFI is the hardest and longest checkride and for the most part I would agree. I originally was planning on going to a school with an accelerated program for this, but after asking around I decided to do it on my own (with my family member signing me off).
This one was heavy on ground school. I got some lesson plans from various people as I heard that’s what everyone has prepared for the checkride, but I hardly ended up using them. I also had a friend send me PowerPoints he made for the technical subject areas. I edited them/made them my own and these are what I ended up using for the checkride along with a couple props.
As far as studying goes, the thing I found most helpful was watching random YouTube videos before bed every night. Although it was all review, I picked up a lot of tidbits that weren’t quite drilled into my brain as I still feel new to aviation overall. As the DPE described it, to be a good CFI you basically need to be a nerd about everything aviation and that’s what I tried to do. I would guess that I studied a few hours a day for a month and a half or so. As for the flying part, I had a little bit of right seat experience prior to buckling down for CFI (probably under 5 hours), so I’d guess it took me about 5 more hours to feel comfortable in the right seat. I took the checkride with the same DPE who did my private, commercial, and multi and passed! The checkride was 8 hours total so definitely a long day. As we were debriefing, I went ahead and scheduled CFII with him as well.
~Key takeaways from CFI:~
Start nerding out now (if you aren’t already). Keep a running collection of links and videos that explain concepts well or teach you something interesting, they will be useful for the checkride. Also, don’t buy lesson plans. As my DPE put it, there are really only like 5 lesson plans for any given topic and we all steal them from each other, so no need to reinvent the wheel or pay for them if someone else can give them to you. I’d also recommend really getting to know the PTS, because it lays out very clearly what you are required to do on the checkride (for example you know you’re going to need to teach runway incursions so it’s a good opportunity to be really prepared). I’m sure my last point is most applicable to those doing CFI on their own since you won’t have a school telling you exactly what to expect.
CFII – 1 month, 368 hours TT, $1.3k
CFII was possibly the easiest checkride to prepare for. I did this one in a friend’s airplane – a Mooney with a G750 and GFC 500 autopilot. It probably took about 10 hours of flying (I already have lots of time in this plane) to be ready. For studying, I reviewed Pilot Cafe, YouTube videos, and obtained some lesson plans from a friend. I did not use PowerPoints or anything for this one. I also had already completed the written exam back when I did my instrument rating. I’m not sure what else to say about this one, but I did it with the same DPE again and passed. It feels amazing to be done with checkrides for a while!
~Key takeaways from CFII:~
Select an airplane with a good autopilot. This made the flying portion of the checkride super easy. For the oral, I highly recommend working with instructors who send students for a lot of instrument checkrides. I feel like there are so many very specific questions that DPEs like to ask on instrument/CFII checkrides, so it helps if you have someone who knows what those questions are going to be. Also, FlightInsight on YouTube and Boldmethod were my favorite resources for this one. Lastly, make sure you know your avionics and autopilot really well, including reading and being able to teach all of the limitations that are in the user manuals.
Notes regarding cost:
I did a decent job of tracking all my expenses throughout this process. I noted in the title that the total cost to me was about $50k, which consists of the ~$45k that I discussed above plus some additional expenses. I also did my commercial ASES rating at Jack Brown’s seaplane base which cost me about $2.5K total (of course this was just for fun). The remaining amount consists of things like buying a headset, books, random accessories, and even some things I called “unnecessary expenses”. I temporarily paid for a membership at a flight school that I barely ended up using, so I put that in that category. While I did everything pretty cheap, I was definitely not perfect!
Here is a further breakdown of my expenses:
Airplane rentals/fuel - $36.9k
Instructor fees - $2.5k (bear in mind I got a lot of free instruction from friends & family)
Ground school - $1.3k (includes actual ground school and books)
Flight accessories - $1.2k
Written exam fees - $1.2k (8 exams total)
DPE fees - $5.8k (7 checkrides; this includes seaplane)
Medical fees - $290
Housing - $900
Misc/unnecessary expenses - $1.2k
Total: $51.7k
Overall Takeaways:
- For those doing Part 61/pay as you go, I highly recommend finding an independent instructor with a flexible schedule. This was key for me because I had a work schedule to work around.
- NETWORKING/MAKING FRIENDS. Go to every fly-in you can, always stop into the FBO to say hi to people, etc. etc. Having friends in aviation was monumentally helpful for me and saved me SO much money. Cannot stress this enough!
- If you are on a timeline, make sure you set specific milestones and when you are going to hit them. Make sure your instructor is on board too.
- Do your research! Reddit has been a fantastic resource for me throughout this process. Talk to people who have achieved the things you want to achieve. I really cannot thank you all enough for all your help and insights on your experiences!
Again, I am more than happy to answer any and all questions. I also apologize if anything is jumbled or confusing; this took a long time to write and I’m sure I missed things. I will also disclaim that while I did a good job of tracking all my expenses, I was not perfect and YMMV for sure. I just hope this gave a somewhat helpful picture for those hoping to do something similar to what I did.
As for next steps, I am aiming for the airlines one of these days! I have a couple interviews at flight schools coming up so I am planning to quit my job and finally start flying full-time soon. I want to do my MEI sometime soon as well but I haven’t figured out how I’m going to pay for the PIC time yet.
I also want to say that I absolutely love general aviation and hope to always be involved in it. I have made so many friends, had some incredible experiences, and learned way more than I could have ever imagined in the past year. For anyone thinking about flying, hopefully this is your sign to just do it! Feel free to comment with questions!

TLDR: How do you know it's time to move on? Time for divorce/breaking up? How do you know you have had enough?
As a 28M who has been married for 1.5 years, my marriage has not been going well at all. We have not had sex once. She says she is attracted to me and I am attractive, but she has not been feeling well (since we got married) which has been affecting her labido. She keeps saying one we fix this and that in our life, she will get her labidk back. But so many of this and that have been fixed and she hasnt had sexual desires yet to initiate anything or allow me when I try to initiate (which I barely do anymore now).
The other major problem is I feel constantly disrespected as a man in this relationship. She is often rude in the way she speaks with me, in the way she responds, reacts and shouts all the time... There is nothing more hurtful for a man that the disrespect from your wife. And when it's all the time, it really just gets too much.
On top of all this, a few months into our marriage, she got angry enough during one of our arguements that she slapped me in the face. Since then, there has been a pattern of physical violance where she slaps or hits me. My initial reaction was shock. After a couple occurances, I would physically restrain her when she tries to get violant (I'm obviously physically stronger) but that's when she would bite, scratch, kick etc etc. The most recent thing is an incident 4 days ago where she disrespected me, I got mad, stonewalled her (which I started doing more frequently as a reaction) and stopped responding to her. I was brushing my teeth in the bathroom and she got so mad and most it for a second and pushed me hard against the glass mirror which left me bruised till today. It's also not the first time I got bruised from her violence, but honestly it's not the physical pain (which is generally bearable) that hurts the most, it's the disrespect of a slap or the emotional outburst that I receive as a reaction...
On the other hand, as a person she is really one of the nicest and greatest people ever, and I'm not saying this because I'm naive. Her values, morals, kindness, generosity, care of others, fun side, etc. are so admirable and I love all that about her.
I know this post focuses on the negatives, but honestly there are so many positives in her and I love lots about her. But I just don't want to live a sexless life (or have sex every 3 months) or a life where I constantly feel disrespected by my wife.

I want to write this here since I'm a fan and to get some advice since my post keeps getting removed from other subs. I came home about 5 months ago after deciding that I wanted to take a break from college because of burnout. I had been begging my father to send me back to our home country to refresh and get back to school, and about a month ago, he agreed because he had been wanting to go to the doctor where there isn't as long a wait to get a consultation as it is here so we went together. Unfortunately, he had to go back to the U.S. about a week later since the doctor told him his condition was severe and that he needed to get further tested since they didn't have that kind of equipment and especially not for cheap as our home country is a 3rd world country, we have a healthcare plan in the U.S. that covers most things anyway. Not even a couple hours later after he landed, we got the news that he had colon cancer and that he had to go into surgery in a couple of days.
My family all collectively decided that because I wasn't "doing anything" and because my mom didn't want to put in the effort of learning how to take public transport even though she's lived here for 5 years, I was the one who had to take care of my dad. They flew me back the next day. When I landed, I didn't even have time to rest after traveling internationally with our suitcases. I was pretty much told by my grandmother to get food ordered and head straight to the hospital to take care of my dad, and I did. In a way, I was happy that I was finally being helpful to my parents. My dad was in the hospital for about 10 days. For those 10 days, I fell asleep by his side in a chair almost every day, calling and texting family to update them on his condition; every few hours, the nurses and doctors would come in to give him meds and talk to him. I would pretty much be awake for all those days with only a couple of hours of sleep as I would be the one to have to translate for him and to tell them of any questions he may have. I only left the hospital to take public transport for an hour and return home to shower. But honestly, that wasn't hard at all; it was the way that my family and even my father would talk about me that made me depressed.
My aunt slashed out at me because I called my other aunt a shared Uber from the hospital to her house to not spend a lot of money; she called me a penny pincher and said that I put her in danger by doing that at night, but she later apologized. My father would call me useless and tell me that I was worth nothing and that I might as well stay home because I was doing nothing to support him. This triggered me as my mom had been telling me that stuff my entire life, and hearing it from my father made me feel like those words were true. I tried to push it aside and forget about it; I knew that he was just probably easily agitated at the hospital because of all the medicine and needles and having his surgery pushed back. But his behavior hasn't changed; if anything, he became more hateful towards me.
A couple of days ago, I woke up to them and my grandmother talking in the living room and calling me all types of things. Useless, worth nothing, unhelpful, berating my entire existence just because I couldn't get on the line with my father's doctors to make his appointments due to the lines were always busy saying that I couldn't even do that. After they changed the topic, I went out pretending to have just woken up and called the doctors in front of them. I was finally connected with the doctors and got the appointments for him. My grandmother thanked me and told me that I was so helpful for doing all of this and being the backbone of the family through this challenging situation at such a young age. Honestly, I couldn't even look at her, knowing she could say that not even an hour after she talked behind my back, criticizing me. I wasn't surprised that my mom was in on it, but so was the aunt I mentioned before, my grandmother, and my father. Some days after that, I accompanied my father to one of his appointments again to translate for him, and after I relayed the fact that my father needed chemo to my family, they all got angry at me for saying that even though that was what the doctor had told me point blank. They contacted a family friend who works at the hospital to ask him if this was true, and he said that it was, but it was likely only to be preventive. They never apologized for questioning me and calling me a liar, even though what I said was precisely what the doctor had told me. I mean, I'm 18; I don't think I'm supposed to have the medical knowledge to know what type of chemo a patient needs.
I thought I could get over this entire situation since this is stuff that I have had to deal with my whole life from my mother but to hear those exact words from my father and my other closely related family is making me fall into crippling depression again. To listen to those things from people I thought cared about me and wanted to watch me succeed to find out this is what they really think about me. He was supposed to be my good parent. I don't know what to do anymore nowadays. Even getting up from my bed to use the bathroom seems like a chore. I've just slammed my mind with media every waking hour so that I don't think about it anymore, but the words they said are always looming at the back of my mind.

So I’m going to make this short and sweet. I’m at a crossroads with the woman I’m involved with. It’s very possibly the end of idk a log drawn out version of what’s already ended. Or I just need to say we are ok and we are good and things will work as we drift away from one another (which if civil would make things hurt less, as long as no infidelity is revealed along the ways). Weird but so is a relationship with someone with BPD. That said I’m someone who takes responsibility for MY actions and the results of MY choices. And although I know where things stand now with my BPD meaning the BS is over. She may stop it. But I am clear and will remain so until she either shows consistency and the ability to have a relationship that’s only problems or issues of any relationship as they are work, or she goes on with all her bullshit and I remain so disciplined and graceful and non reactive it’s on her. And no amount of bullshit will change my mind. Nor rage and abuse. She cheats I hope I can sense it and she uses protection but yeah that’s the fucked one. That said let’s focus on US. As I and we all have some culpability as to how we got here. Truthfully we all know it. Whether it’s posts where it’s clear the person posting is maybe more then SIMPLY the victimization of a borderline to this with the multi decade table scraps, discard, Hoover, rinse wash repeat. Many posts state multiple partners ALL having BPD. My “person” asked me early in our relationship “think there’s a reason these people are able to..?” I now remember with a sort of wicked weight and dark intentions. Which now seem like “let me Show you..”
But I can say this woman isn’t all terrible nor responsible for our chaos. I’ve often failed miserably at being non reactive. We all know the point where we are now being asked why WD are yelling and to stop after they… you all know. All the terrible shit here. But because I have or had a sexual “dynamic” with mine (now I refuse to do it as it’s dangerous in many ways ) which included consensual abuse it led to me losing my shit twice and physically assaulting her. After Which I IMMEDIATELY felt disgusting and disgusted and told her so. Told Her if ever again to leave me and never come back for her sake not mine. Weirdly she seemed to like it and also if all things excused it me saying “no it’s not nothing..” I have never and will never again. Yet she did store it and use it as material to threaten me with. And let’s say a lot of other shit I helped fuel and or volley back and forth. My question is also when we become victims or if ever? Or do we choose this abuse many of us? And just as they are old and cruel to a degree that is unhealthy are we also the same on the opposite side?
I ask because my struggle is how cognizant this thing is that she was and is and always will take me For a ride as long as I let her? And if I doin not a victim? But I know in some ways I have been exploited and abused.
Anyone here gone therapy to figure out the why they ARE vulnerable or SO vulnerable it’s always a BPD they end up With? This is my first actual relationship And definitely my last. But the definition of insanity is doing the same thing expecting different results? So we are sort of addicts of their machinations if we can’t do what all addicts must do. Accept and change. Often what we ask of them and they parrot back.
Just food for thought and maybe insight for me. I know my heart was matured wit my emotions leaving me “your so vulnerable “. Not anymore ladies. Healthy and sensitive yes. Vulnerability no.
All feedback welcome.

First time:
Post office Ms. F: what are you calling for?
Me: Hello, I am returning a phone call. I have a service request.
Post office Ms. F: Hold on (cut me off, put me on hold to listen to the recorded commercials of USPS' world class service with music )
(Commercials continued for 10 minutes. During this time, my daughter dragged me to see her drawing.)
Second time:
(10 minutes later...)
Post office Ms. F: Mam, what is your service number?
Me: (in another room) uh, let me find it...
Post office Ms. F: hold on (cut me off , put me on hold to listen to the recorded commercials of USPS' world class service with music )
Third time:
(A decade later...)
Post office Ms. F: Mam, do you have your service number?
Me: yes!
Post office Ms. F: ........ (long silence, then cut me off , put me on hold with me listening the recorded commercials of USPS' world class service with music )
Fourth time:
(Another decade later...)
Post office Ms. F: I am ready for your service number.
Me: xxx
Post office Ms. F: what did you say?
Me: xxx
Post office Ms. F: what did you say again?
Me: xxx, xxxx
Post office Ms. hold on, this is not your tracking number.
Me:Yes, I am reporting you the service number.
Post office Ms. F: ok, service number. Repeat it please.
Me: xxx
Post office Ms. what did you say?
Me: xxx
Post office Ms. F: what did you say again?
Me: xxx, xxxx
Post office Ms. F: this service number doesn't exist... oh, the case is closed.
Me: (Explained why I called, which was to return a missed phone call from this post office, and to find out whether there was some information I missed. During my explanation, I was asked to repeat multiple times for every single time I talked, because M.s F claimed that she couldn't understand me. )
Self disclaimer: I am not a native speaker. However, I've lived in the U.S. for 20 years. I pursued and received my Ph.D. at one of the top U.S. universities. I have been working at U.S. since I graduated from there. My English speaking U.S. colleagues and random people I talk on the street or over the phone have never had problems understanding me. Of course, there is accent when I talk, but I highly doubt that "Ms.F" from that post office really had the problem understanding me. Or, instead she is just having a very hard time to interact with customers in general.

I have a dilemma. I'm 24 in July and my parents think I'm graduating uni at the end of the year... I'm definitely not (I officially quit uni sept 2023 after doing it on and off for 5 years). Up until now I was super confident I could get away with it because coming from a Chinese/vietnamese immigrant household, I'm distant enough with my parents that they couldn't possibly catch onto my lie.
My dilemma starts because my mum is extremely anal about me renting with my partner and bestfriend in a shared apartment. She doesn't like the fact that I'm "paying off someone else's mortgage". SO, she's actually forcing me into the housing market... literally it feels like gun to my head. She keeps going on about how the market has dropped by 14% and nows the time to buy blah blah. Now, my mum plans on helping me buy an apartment and she'll contribute approximately 60% towards the down payment along with whatever savings I've had since I was 16. I'm super grateful that I'm even able to think about owning my own property with the help of my family but it's alot of pressure and to be honest, and I'm happy renting in this stage of my life and don't actually want all the baggage that comes with owning your own home.
Continuing, I don't make a lot of money currently. I'm working two jobs, one of which is for my mum at a nail salon (I get paid in cash). So imagine this. My borrowing power from the bank isn't alot. So here comes my mum swooping in to save the day. She knows a guy who works at a bank who can play the system and give me more borrowing power. Super dodge I know. Vietnamese people in the same community always doing the most. So along with the money she's giving me for the down payment and the dodgy bank guy, she also has a broker who is helping her with all of this. If you can't tell, he's probably also dodgy. Now, when I say dodgy, they all get something in return for helping each other and if you couldn't guess, it's obviously getting paid extra on the side to help. So dodgy also means reliable.
I'm absolutely shitting myself because the broker and bank guy need to look at my history of spending and any loans I have ie. my hecs debt. I'm scared that they're going to be like, "you're daughter hasn't been at uni since 2023". And they're probably going to see that the debt amount and my years of schooling don't add up because I should have racked up more debt for an almost finished degree. That's pretty much it and i don't really know what to do now or if I'm over thinking. I just need someone on here to reassure me that this is all in my head and I have nothing to worry about.
Thank you for reading.

I’m nervous as to whether or not I passed. I studied probably no more than 200-250 hours, if that, and I didn’t go over the ethics material at all. But hear me out.
Took a look at the mock exam, but didn’t really sit down and actually attempt it properly, just skimmed through 2/3’s of the first 90 questions on LES. I did study the make-up of ethics questions for a solid 30 minutes, but this was all the night before the exam so I chose to allocate my time elsewhere, which ended up being a good investment decision.
I have a BBA in Psychology, but have worked at a BrokeDealer since 07/2022, and got my SIE, Series 7, Series 63 out of the way that year, first try. I listen to podcast and have always done additional research on the market/global and domestic economy. Still, a ton of new info in CFA program.
When studying, I didn’t study in preparation for the test. I didn’t really think about the test when studying at all. I just read through the material and tried to learn it the best I could in the way I saw most fit for myself.
I felt very unprepared for the Exam, I only skimmed through 2/3’s of the first 90 question mock, and didn’t read the ethics section at all.
When taking the exam, I felt like it was way easier than expected, and was honestly a little disappointed that it wasn’t harder. I don’t think I crushed it, but I feel there is a very low chance I got <70, feel more like my range is 75 But with how I felt coming into the test, having not slept the night before, only finishing all material (except ethics) just a couple days before, I feel like I could be overconfident or completely missing something. People tell me I’m incredibly smart, and I’ve heard from people who know me that they don’t think I need to study the full 300-350 hrs recommended, but they also don’t know how much shit is on there man, and I don’t think I’m a genius who can just beep boop bop retain everything. I have always been good at math though and do like Poker statistics/probabilities so the quant section was good for me and I made it my mission to understand all the mathematical formulas in the curriculum. This partially extends to ROE and decomposition of, but most other accounting formulas I forgot.
But I understand all underlying concepts well and felt I was able to figure quite a bit of stuff out mid exam.
I did flag the questions I was unsure of. Basically anything I wasn’t absolutely certain about. I didn’t get a chance to go back and look at all the ones I flagged, but if I had to guess, I’d say I ended with 30-40 flagged in part one and about the same for part two. I carefully read each question and was very thorough with each one. Sometimes I spent too long on a question because I was having fun figuring it out, and felt comfortable on many others leading up to that one, which is why I didn’t have time to go back.
Now, this is the fun part. I felt like I was completely unsure on no more than 1/5 of the ones I flagged. I didn’t know those at all. I have a 33% chance of getting those right. The other 4/5ths, I feel like I at least eliminated one answer choice, confidently, giving me at least a 50/50 chance of getting those question right. But out of that 4/5ths, I think at least 1/2, or 2/5ths of the questions I really had some knowledge that pointed me to the right answer out of the two choices I had left, after eliminating the prior. I think this gives me a bit above 50/50 odds, putting me at 67% chance (more or less for some, but ya know, hard to quantify and don’t want to oveunderestimate the advantage given by knowledge).
So, I did the math: a range of 60 unsure questions to 80 unsure (30part1+30part2, 40+40)
Lower Level (Wrong Answers): 60/5=12 1267%= 8 2450%= 12 24*33%= 8 28 wrong out of 180; Score: 84.44%
Upper Level (Wrong Answers): 80/5=16… Rounding up on all decimals 1667%= 11 3250%=16 32*33%=22 49 wrong out of 180, score 72.77%
I really don’t think I was unsure about 80 questions, but also, idk, because I hadn’t slept and had tunnel vision, and I was already worried, and I’m unfortunately and fortunately aware of all the biases I possess. Curse my psychology BBA. I know I just need to wait, but dang dude. I’m stressed.
Backstory on why I couldn’t study more:
I had to unexpectedly move in January because our apartment had black mold and other toxic molds resulting from lackluster apartment maintenance.
The management team was not willing to pay for our move and withheld funds from us that I figured we were entitled to, so I had to scan the state property code, cite it to them, act accordingly, etc. Ended up getting a lawyer. Still dealing with that.
Found out my brother-in-law was hitting my sisteniece during that time so had to deal with that (didn’t deal with him as I would’ve liked, no crimes committed). CPS called by someone else and then I was blamed by my sister who cut off communications with my family.
Found out my girlfriend of 20 months now has or had HPV and CIN3 cervical dysplasia, precancerous cells at the most severe stage before becoming cancerous, and a whole bunch of other scares around that.
Two family weddings to attend, both out of town. Cousins wedding was on May 3. My test was May 15th, 830 a.m.
Sister-in-law (I will be proposing to gf soon) Graduation to attend on May 10th in Washington DC. I live in Dallas, Texas. Flew out on the 9th, got back on the 12th.
Night of the test, I realized I needed my passport, which I hadn’t seen in months!!! Looked for it in my house, couldn’t find it. After studying an all nighter, left for my parents at 7-715am. Test at 830am. They live 20 minutes away. Testing facility 40 minutes with traffic from my parents. Found the passport, luckily, around 752am. Left. Took express lanes and went above the speed limit. Walked through the doors at 8:32am. Adrenaline flowing. Caffeine kicking. Took the test. Went full tunnel vision. But I really had a good time taking the test, I will say. I did almost piss myself in the last 15 minutes of part 1.

South Dakota has its own particular brand of anti-Indigenous racism, and this is my take on it, as a white resident of Rapid City who lived on the reservation for over 20 years. To wit:
With some exceptions, most white South Dakotans are not openly and aggressively racially hostile. The days of “No Indians allowed” in shop windows are thankfully in the past. But a more pernicious strain of prejudice still permeates much of the culture. You hear it in conversations (or, at least, I do, when white people talk openly around me, assuming I am of like mind) and you often read it in social media postings, especially on news sites.
I’m not sure what to call the attitude in question, maybe “performative sympathy” or “passive-aggressive patronizing.” Basically, it’s when somebody laments how Natives in the state can’t “get it together,” can’t “get with the program,” can’t “get their lives on track,” can’t “give up alcohol/drugs,” etc. etc. (By “the program,” they generally mean assimilated American society.) This is usually couched in faux concern, as if the person saying it is genuinely puzzled and sorrowfully bewildered at this predicament. Often, a sad shake of the head will accompany this pronouncement.
The person in question, of course, rarely gives a care about Native people’s “plight,” and these pat statements are just a way of saying, “Oh well, what are ya gonna do with those folks?” and distancing oneself from the situation, shrugging and moving on to a happier topic of conversation. Why can’t “those people” get it together indeed?
When it comes up in a convo that I’m a participant in, I do my best to bring up the history of how things got to where they are today. I’m a history teacher, after all. I’m well-versed in the subjects of manifest destiny, colonialism, broken treaties, and the like. Usually their eyes will start to glaze over or they will start fidgeting and shuffling their feet, uncomfortable at the way the conversation is going, their mind doing its best to reject input that contradicts their view of the world, no matter how diplomatic and non-preachy I’m being. It’s not the tone that intimidates them and puts them off, it’s the very subject itself.
More often than not, after I’ve had my say, they will just mumble something along the lines of, “Yup, I don’t know how those people will ever get it together. It’s too bad,” as if I had never said anything. People’s sincerely-held beliefs are incredibly difficult to dislodge, as we all know. And being brought up white in South Dakota, unless your situation is significantly different from the norm, you get the same whitewashed story over and over, at home, at school, at church. You’ve heard it your whole life, and doggone it, it didn’t include big fancy words like “colonialism” that make people feel bad when they didn’t do anything wrong. So, the mind shuts out the competing information, stays closed.
And here’s the big secret that maybe you already know: If you don’t believe that history in any way informs the present (because it was “so long ago” or whatever), then the only other option is to – consciously or unconsciously – blame the people themselves. Think about it. If history doesn’t matter and generational trauma doesn’t exist and everyone is born at the same starting line, with the same obstacles stretching ahead of them in life, then the only possible blame for people not succeeding individually or collectively HAS to fall on the people themselves. This is the most pernicious aspect of South Dakota racism. At its root lies a belief that the reason why Native people have higher incarceration rates, lower graduation rates, higher rates of substance abuse, etc. etc. etc. is that the people themselves are somehow defective, somehow lesser. Lesser than whom? Lesser than the white majority.
This is white supremacy in one of its purest forms, but most people don’t recognize it as such. This white supremacy doesn’t necessarily wear a white robe or burn a tiki torch (although look at how they vote and they’re not far off), but it is an unearned superiority complex than many whites learn from a young age. “I don’t know what’s wrong with those Indians. What a pity,” with the implicit understanding that “we” are superior. How else can you explain our demographic superiority? Of course, you and I know the answer to that.
This is one of the single greatest obstacles to race relations in the state moving forward and true understanding and reconciliation happening. How can you understand a people when you see them as faulty, unable to progress, victims of nothing but their own indolence and failure to thrive? You have to put the blame for their lot in life squarely on their own shoulders because to do otherwise would mean interrogating your own state’s history and country’s history in a way that you can’t bear (not you, of course, innocent Reddit reader).
But you don’t want to hear about broken treaties. You don’t want to hear about stolen land. You don’t want to hear about historical trauma. You don’t want to hear about boarding school abuses. You just want a nice story where progress has always progressed and the white man brought the light of civilization into a dark continent and the light of the Gospel to the heathen. “My country, right or wrong” is just another way of saying that you take no responsibility for your country’s wrongs.
And “That was a long time ago” is the great hand-washing, the refrain of a people who dare not look into the mirror, dare not teach what really happened in the not-so-distant past. And so, you have a state where nearly all of the positions of power are held by whites, in government, business, school boards and administration, as well as nearly all the wealth in the state, all the best land, and you wonder how things got to be that way. But then you stop wondering because the questions it raises are too challenging. “Why can’t they get it together,” indeed.

So, I'm not much of a Manhwa guy. I've read a couple, but that's very recently. So, almost all the Otome Isekai I have read have been in Manga form. So, these here are the top three I have had the pleasure of reading.

3: The Most Heretical Last Boss Queen: From Villainess to Savior.

I love this one because she's not your typical ditzy Villainess or heroine that you see in an Otome Isekai. She's a very intelligent, calculating woman who's doing her best to do better while still fearing the possibility of her old personality surfacing. The flashbacks other characters have of the previous version of her in the game add to that and really gives you a sense that she's just afraid of herself more than anyone else. To the point where she still is a little unobservant of the way people think or feel about her. The manga recently had to get picked up by a different artist because the original one, Bunko Matsuura, has been in extremely poor health. This is the only one of the three that currently has an anime.

2: May I Ask For One Final Thing?

If you've read this one, I shouldn't have to explain myself. She likes punching fat, lazy nobels who do nothing but contaminate everyone's air. Not to mention, she's not an Isekai character at ALL. There IS someone in the story who is, but I will hold off on giving TOO many spoilers for those who were just curious about my post. The story and characters are all really fun and interesting and I can't wait for the next chapter. Also I'd love it if this became an anime.

1: An Observation Log of my Fiancee Who Calls Herself a Villainess/ An Observation Log of my Wife Who Calls Herself a Villainess.

I can't understate how much I love this series. I've read through it Thirteen times. THIRTEEN. Some of you probably saw my post that I made about it the other day when I was just thinking about what kind of voice actors they could possibly get for the anime. What makes this one so interesting is that not only is the Villainess character NOT trying to avoid death flags, she's trying to BRING THEM ON HERSELF. (And absolutely failing along the way). Its also told from the perspective of her fiancee, the Crown Prince. Your typical Emotionless, Super Talented Prince that needs the Heroine to bring the color of life to them. But much better fleshed out and just a really interesting character in his own right. The series is hilarious, heartfelt, and all the characters are memorable. The manga went on hiatus for a while because the artist had suffered a hand injury, but its all healed up and the chapters are pimping out on schedule again.
So yeah, that was my top three favorite Otome Villainess manga. Have you read them before? What are your favorites? Go ahead and comment below, I try to respond to all comments I get on posts I make.

Hey guys! First of all, I would like to give some context of my arrival here. I spend a lot of my day "daydreaming", so to speak, having internal dialogues and even sounding them so that I can talk to myself when no one is around ( I believe a lot of people do this- I have no idea, haha ), this basically helps me get my thoughts out of my head in a simpler and more organized way.
I was here in the kitchen, sitting at the table, and I caught myself thinking about a kind of "strategy" that I unconsciously adopted a few months ago, and it has helped me value myself more. You know, I'm the type of person who dedicates a good amount of minutes and even an hour or two just to research different types of gifts for people I love, like, or have any kind of interest in getting closer, as long as it is already clear to me that that contact is reciprocal (another super important thing that I thought would be nice to emphasize, look for reciprocal relationships!! whether they are friends, lovers, etc. Men and women, ladies and gentlemen, do not accept less than you know (or will eventually discover) how much you deserve, and i tell you, this isn't some nonsense from a self-help book, it's one of the facts of life that I think we all miss having around us, strong bonds.
Returning to the subject, preparing gifts such as books, mugs, t-shirts, baskets of sweets and things like that are part of my love language, and I am very proud of this affection. However, last year, I realized that it was an exclusive language totally dedicated to other people, and I also realized that these were rarely relationships of simultaneous affection. Finally, I had the idea of ​​giving myself a gift! And look, I'm someone who is very difficult to accept something positive from myself, and I don't just mean material things.
I noticed that during a good portion of my short life so far ( I'm nearly on my 20's ) I dedicated myself entirely to any grains of contact I got to have with people around me. I grew up as an insecure person with a huge lack of confidence in most of my attitudes, and this and much more are things that I have been striving to change since about two years ago. And for those who want to know, I have improved a lot! and I still have a lot more to change :))
Anyway, I'm monologuing excessively, what I want to say is that my schizophrenia has evolved in such a way that, in order to be able to make me feel like i deserve better, I have been talking about myself in the third person ( LOL ), so it ends up being something like this: "Hmm, i wonder what him ( me ) would like to receive as a birthday present"
Maybe this is the most ridiculous thing you'll read today, but believe it or not, it's a decent and functional way I found to start this task of improving my relationship with myself.
I think of it as if it were the same as riding a bicycle with training wheels, you know? At some point I will be able to think about giving myself gifts without having to think of myself as this other person I want to get closer with, ( which would mean removing the training wheels ) I mean, I want to get closer to myself lol, but not thinking of myself as someone else, y'know? ( I hope that wasn't difficult to understand ).
( Just making it clear that I don't go around talking to myself in the third person, capiche? )
Anyway, I think I need to improve my way of narrating, to avoid these unnecessary detours with too much information. As I said earlier, I started thinking about this to myself and then I did a quick research looking for a community here on Reddit that talked about each person's personal issues, because I thought it would fit well here. If my post doesn't relate to others posted here, I apologize! The same if I used the wrong tag for my post.
I'm a anxious person, and while writing the post, I got into thinking that the more mature audience of this sub might think of my advice as something that would only work for people of my age, but I also think that all of us, even adults over 30, are still kind of learning more and more about "adulting", I think there are no useless lessons, we just adapt and remodel those we learned previously in other phases of life, to make more sense with the current lifestyle we may be leading.
In short, value your time! Don't insist on relationships that only your side shows interest in keeping going, and take a deep breath before making decisions that cost a lot of your mental health. I know you all must know all this, but I think words like that are always valid as a way of reminding ourselves not to let nervousness or stress from other people's influence take away our sanity. And remember to give yourself a "gift" at some point, maybe it won't have a physical form, and it won't be bought with money, but it's definitely one of the things in this world that only you can give to yourself with a singular meaning.