Valentine alliteration

Song of the Week: Crush With Eyeliner

2024.04.21 19:30 thesilverpoets96 Song of the Week: Crush With Eyeliner

https://youtu.be/ycvJHQUqU1M?si=egv9sMPFoabi93Bz
https://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/rem/crushwitheyeliner.html
Hello everyone, I hope all is well. Today we are going to be taking a closer look/listen at the fourth single from the band’s ninth studio album Monster. And that song is the second song on the “C” side of the album, “Crush With Eyeliner.”
Monster is a bold album filled with swagger, glam and a whole lot of tremolo. And “Crush With Eyeliner” is a great example of all of that. When it comes to writing this song and album, Michael had a five month period where he couldn’t write due to the passing of his good friend River Phoenix. When he did start writing again, this song was one of the first that was written for this album.
In the typical Monster fashion, the song starts off the album’s signature sound; some electric tremolo guitar from Peter. It’s definitely played at a slower tempo and with the distortion and feedback, it’s a pretty cool way to start the song. With a count off from Bill’s drum sticks, him and Mike enter the mix. Mike’s bass is almost playing the main melody as Peter’s guitar is mostly just there for texture and to carry along the chordal progression.
When Michael starts singing, he’s definitely got on his “rockstar” persona that’s portrayed through a megaphone like vocal effect. He sounds a little distant, a little hard to fully understand and almost like his vocals have their own tremolo effect. Lyrically, a lot of people at the time thought this song was about Courtney Love, hell even she thought it was about her as well! Some thought the lyric “she's a real woman-child” was a reference to the Hole song “Doll Parts” while other people pointed out the the “oh, my kiss breath turpentine” was a call back to another Hole song titled “Turpentine.” And Courtney herself thought the “three miles of bad road” lyric and the overall imagery of eyeliner was alluding to her then eyeliner phase.
But I’m not sold on the fact that this song is about someone as specific as Courtney Love. You gotta remember that for this record Michael and the band were inspired by 70’s glam rock and bands like Slade, the New York Dolls and T.Rex. And with this song specifically, Michael said he was going for a New York Dolls vibe. When talking about the song Michael said “the New York Dolls knew how to exaggerate a song, to make it sound really sleazy and over the top.”
When I listen to the first verse, it sounds like Michael, or this rockstar character he’s portraying, is describing a girl that interest him. This girl is someone that’s noticeable as Michael sings “I know you’ve seen her.” The funny lyric “she’s a sad tomato” is a reference to the jazz standard “And Her Tears Flowed Like Wine” and its lyric “she’s a real sad tomato, she’s a busted valentine.” And the “Courtney Love” lyric “she’s three miles of bad road” is actually a reference to the Duane Eddy’s song “40 Miles of Bad Road.” Michael starts to question if he’ll ever get a chance to meet this woman.
There’s a short pre chorus with a chord change and a building drumbeat before the band launches into the chorus. The chorus takes a similar route to the verse with more tremolo guitar and a nice ride cymbal from Bill. The character that Michael is singing though is smitten over his “crush with eyeliner” and is maybe trying to build themselves up by explaining how cool they are and how “they’re the real thing.” I find the song title to maybe be a play on how people invent a look for themselves through make up and wardrobe to try to display their real selves.
It’s also during chorus that I should point out that instead of Mike helping with the backing vocals, you have Thurston Moore from Sonic Youth contributing backing vocals and extra guitar. You can hear him (and I think a doubled Michael) repeat the lyric “I’m the real thing” after Michael sings it. There’s also some weird far away screaming that’s barely audible in the mix.
In the second verse Michael is singing about how infatuated he is with his “crush” and how much pressure it’s causing him. Although, he never says he’s in love, he just says “I’m in like.” Then he tries to think of ways that he can convince her that he’s “inventive” like her too. But when he sings about “coping an attitude” and thinking about what “positions” he should wear, he ends those lyrics with “you faker” and “faker” in a higher pitch melody as if to say that he feels like a fake in trying to impress her. One thing I like about this verse is the wordplay with the slight alliteration with the “in’s” in words like “in-like”, “infatuated” and “inventive.”
In the second chorus Michael changes some of the lyrics with “we all invent ourselves, and…uh…you know me.” I think this adds to the added narrative of being fake and putting on an act by wearing specific clothes or using makeup to pretend to be someone you’re not. He even sings “you know me” when in reality we probably question whether we truly know other people or even ourselves. Especially when it comes to “rockstars” or celebrities.
After this chorus we get to the bridge which is backed by a different chord progression and a guitar solo from Peter! It’s a perfect solo for this song with great note bending, the perfect amount of distortion and a perfect length that leaves you wanting more. It’s the exact solo you would expect from a glam song. And Mike and Bill do a great job at keeping the groove of the song solid through this whole section.
In the last verse we have some lyrics that were first sung in the opening verse. But we also have new lyrics where Michael is acknowledging that this woman is her “own invention.” He also mentions how “life is strange” and starts wondering what he can make himself become in order to make her his. But yet again, as he’s wondering this, we get those backing vocals of “faker” as if to warn himself that he may have to pretend to be someone else to get her to notice him.
This idea is also brought out again in the ending of the song as the chorus is repeated three times with alternating lyrics. Michael sings “I could be your Frankenstein” which not only is a reference to the New York Dolls song “Frankenstein” but also the idea that he’ll sculpt himself and add things to his appearance to get this woman to like him.
Overall I think this is a song that not only encapsulates the album in the best way, but it has a great feel with Mike’s bass work and Peter’s tremolo guitar. The lyrics are very relatable when it comes to fighting the urge to become someone you’re not to get people’s attention. The music really fits the lyrics like a glove and Michael’s attitude in his vocal delivery really helps sells that idea. Also, if you didn’t know, this single had a music video that was directed by Spike Jonze.
And of course we can’t forget about the 2019 reissue of Monster with the “remix” version of the album. This version of the song actually begins with Michael singing “la la la” instead of that tremolo intro. We also have some extra guitar melodies in this version which I’m guessing is coming from Thurston Moore as he’s credited for guitar on this song but the original mix probably buried him. Michael’s vocals are also different as the megaphone effect now just sounds like a bad delay. This version does make some of the guitar parts a little more clear, but this is an instance where I think the original version was the way to go.
But what do you think of this song? Is this a single that should have been a bigger hit? What do you think the song is about? What are your favorite musical or lyrical moments? Did you ever catch the song live? And which version of the song do you prefer.

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2024.04.07 19:19 energythief Community Challenge #17: Confess!

Hello, /sixwordstories!
It's been so long since our last Community Challenge. ("What's your perfect Valentine Day's date?")
The top vote-getters were:

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2023.07.11 13:06 TheRoyalFandomMess [Updated as of 07/11/23] Reasons why I think Sid is the father

[Posted this on Tumblr and it’s only fair if I update the list over here as well]
I don’t think other viewers can call fellow Sid-is-the-father theorists delusional anymore. The show is already building up the final contenders and I know in my gut they’re gonna be Sid, Jesse, and Ian. Hopefully we get S4 because I will update this whenever there’s a season break or a season ends.
Possible hints from the show (not the obvious and usually stated ones + not hints that could also apply to other contenders): - When Sophie enters Pemberton’s to switch phones back with Sid, the engagement party crowd thought she was Hannah - Sid remembered how much Tinder dates Sophie went on; he paid attention to her well (more on this later) - Sophie and Sid both experienced relationship problems then found each other at the same time and same place. Sid later gave Sophie advice about finding the right person (funny enough, the advice parallels the situation because Sophie and Sid found each other at the right time to give each other advice) - Two of Sophie’s by far most important love interests are connected to Sid—Jesse who is Sid’s best friend, and Drew who is a close friend of Sid’s wife - Sophie remembers the Electric Slide; this time she is proven to pay attention to him - Sid tells Sophie that he hopes the man she’ll marry will give her a better reception that what he and Hannah have - If the father isn’t Jesse and Sophie is still married to the father, only Sid would be the perfect candidate to be understanding on why Jesse’s photo is on Sophie’s wall since he is Sid’s best friend - The father is hinted to have loved Valentine’s Day even before he and Sophie even got together. Unlike the other guys, Sid’s memory for Valentine’s Day was always consistently good. Additionally, when Hannah walked in Pemberton’s to surprise Sid, only Sophie’s reaction was the focus - Sophie and Sid both remember random facts they found out about each other offscreen; once again solidifying that they do pay attention to each other - Sid somehow is the only character who has profound or notable interactions with both of Sophie’s parents - In the episode where Sophie and her father made a popup, she tells her son it’s a story of how she met her father; in this episode, Sid is the only father optioj to interact with Sophie and her father - Since we know that Sophie narrates the story, it’s important to note that she often emphasizes Sid’s stories by giving us in-depth insight despite their minimal interactions in episodes before 02x13. While she also does this for her other friends, it’s only Sid’s stories that we actually see play out long. To add, Sophie always paints Sid in a positive light in her stories - In the disengagement episode, Sid and Sophie are implied to know a lot about each other (Sid knowing Sophie’s lock screen, Sophie knowing the password to Sid’s iPad); this isn’t really a hint but again, recurring theme that they pay attention to each other - Both Sid and Sophie have this storyline where they are judged for their jobs/careers (and in the same episode) - By 2x18 we see Sophie’s parents again and it’s Sid who primarily consoles them when they (along with Valentina) follow Sophie into Sid and Jesse’s apartment - Sophie slowly bonds with Sid as each episode progresses and have more significant plots with him more than with Jesse - Hannah assumed that Sid emotionally cheated on her with Sophie, and it was without reason. After this scene, we then cut to Sophie - EDIT: Season 1 also had another cheating conversation between Sid and Hannah where Sophie’s situation with Jesse and Drew was the trigger - Sophie’s son says that he thought it was a happy story to which Sophie replies it was, but we immediately get Sid crying over Hannah—setting the mood that it wasn’t really a happy night for everyone - By 2x20 we have finally taken Charlie out as a candidate to be the father of Sophie’s child because it’s been confirmed that he ends up with Valentina (Side note: love this revelation. I was on a fifty-fifty with them but they fit well and love each other); Drew can also be taken out of the equation because of how future Sophie talks about him as a mere catalyst, but since there’s not an official confirmation we can just put him down the list for now - Once again, it needs to be mentioned that the way Sophie talks about Sid in her story is always in a good light. She talks about the father so fondly and only Sid is the male character who is presented with so much emphasis about his personal life, his goodness, and his ability to have someone stir up their fondness for him
Parallels & Connections with HIMYM/Ted and Tracy: - Alliteration names (Ted Mosby and Tracy McConnell, Sophie and Sid—if Sid’s last name also starts with a letter “T” like Tompkins then that would be interesting) - Both are romantics. Sophie is a hopeless romantic who can’t find “the one” like Ted, while Sid is a committed romantic who is (and possibly going to be was) in a longterm relationship like Tracy - Sophie and Sid swap phones, paralleling the yellow umbrella swap - Sophie and Sid’s banters are very similar to that of Ted and Tracy’s - Sid has Ted’s old room - In connection to a point from the previous section, Sophie painting Sid in a picture that’s so positive and feeling untainted is very similar to how Ted paints Tracy in his stories—perfect, an angel, someone who no one could say something bad about, with great fondness - Not directly related to HIMYM, but in the original HIMYM spin-off (How I Met Your Dad), the lead character Sally met the dad as she was preparing to get divorced. The script of this scrapped spin-off was reworked into HIMYF. I’m not saying it’s a direct answer, but what if the divorce storyline is gonna go to HIMYF’s only married main character father option? - Sophie and Sid both play detective in 2x19. In HIMYM, Ted and Tracy have this running gag that they loved sleuthing - Both Sophie and Ted went through all the lengths to get with Jesse and Robin, respectively. When Ted met Tracy he didn’t have to work so much, he just let it happen. Both shows work with a philosophy on how love is hard but loving is supposed to be easy. Both Robin and Jesse have complicated love lines with Ted and Sophie, respectively.
Also if it’s any consolation, I previously took a film course for my major. So while I do acknowledge that I could be delusional, I did have backing since I tried to incorporate the concepts to pick these things up.

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2023.05.31 16:20 TheRoyalFandomMess Why I think Sid is the father

I also posted this on Tumblr, but I’m sharing it here as well so we can discuss. If you think otherwise, it’s completely okay! Let’s do some detective work.
Possible hints from the show (not the obvious and usually stated ones + not hints that could also apply to other contenders):

When Sophie enters Pemberton’s to switch phones back with Sid, the engagement party crowd thought she was Hannah
Sid remembered how much Tinder dates Sophie went on; he paid attention to her well (more on this later)
Sophie and Sid both experienced relationship problems then found each other at the same time and same place. Sid later gave Sophie advice about finding the right person (funny enough, the advice parallels the situation because Sophie and Sid found each other at the right time to give each other advice)
Two of Sophie’s by far most important love interests are connected to Sid—Jesse who is Sid’s best friend, and Drew who is a close friend of Sid’s wife
Sophie remembers the Electric Slide; this time she is proven to pay attention to him
If the father isn’t Jesse and Sophie is still married to the father, only Sid would be the perfect candidate to be understanding on why Jesse’s photo is on Sophie’s wall since he is Sid’s best friend
The father is hinted to have loved Valentine’s Day even before he and Sophie even got together. Unlike the other guys, Sid’s memory for Valentine’s Day was always consistently good. Additionally, when Hannah walked in Pemberton’s to surprise Sid, only Sophie’s reaction was the focus
Sophie and Sid both remember random facts they found out about each other offscreen; once again solidifying that they do pay attention to each other
Sid somehow is the only character who has profound or notable interactions with both of Sophie’s parents
Since we know that Sophie narrates the story, it’s important to note that she often emphasizes Sid’s stories by giving us in-depth insight despite their minimal interactions in episodes before 02x13. While she also does this for her other friends, it’s only Sid’s stories that we actually see play out long. To add, Sophie always paints Sid in a positive light in her stories
EDIT: I forgot to add that the possibility that Sid’s last name not being revealed might also allude to Sophie’s future last name. Given, women can keep their names, but let’s not forget the possibility. Because of societal norms, women usually take their husband’s family name. If Sophie is indeed still married to the father in the future and took his last name, we can see why she won’t tell the audience her current last name. If Sid then happens to be the father and husband, it’s a strong possibility. In HIMYM, it was not needed to hide the maiden name of the possible mothers because it was Ted telling the story.

Parallels & Connections with HIMYM/Ted and Tracy: - Alliteration names (Ted Mosby and Tracy McConnell, Sophie and Sid—if Sid’s last name also starts with a letter “T” like Tompkins then that would be interesting)

Both are romantics. Sophie is a hopeless romantic who can’t find “the one” like Ted, while Sid is a committed romantic who is (and possibly going to be was) in a longterm relationship
Sophie and Sid swap phones, paralleling the yellow umbrella swap
Sophie and Sid’s banters are very similar to that of Ted and Tracy’s
Sid has Ted’s old room
In connection to a point from the previous section, Sophie painting Sid in a picture that’s so positive and feeling untainted is very similar to how Ted paints Tracy in his stories—perfect, an angel, someone who no one could say something bad about
Not directly related to HIMYM, but in the original HIMYM spin-off (How I Met Your Dad), the lead character Sally met the dad as she was preparing to get divorced. The script of this scrapped spin-off was reworked into HIMYF. I’m not saying it’s a direct answer, but what if the divorce storyline is gonna go to HIMYF’s only married main character father prospective?

Now for personal feelings, I just think that out of all the guys, Sid is really the most “the father of my child” material for Sophie. His personality is so well-suited for her and they both have the same outlook in life. I know that the obvious is Jesse, but something in me is really screaming that it isn’t him. Now, I’m still on a limbo if Sophie and the father are still together in the future, but whether they are or not, I am gonna stick by with Sid as the father.
Might I also add, I actually didn’t seriously ship SidSophie before. I was more on the logical side with why I wanted Sid to be the father but 02x13 got me fully onboard!

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2023.03.19 00:56 FitInvestigator5945 Wednesday, March 15, 2017 THE CHAD METHOD METHOD WRITING IN THE 22ND CENTURY 12/7/2016 David Xzavier Crichton

Wednesday, March 15, 2017

THE CHAD METHOD METHOD WRITING IN THE 22ND CENTURY 12/7/2016 David Xzavier Crichton

Qwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzx cvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmrtyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzx cvbn mqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmrtyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmrtyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmrtyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmrtyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmrtyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmrtyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnm THE CHAD METHOD METHOD WRITING IN THE 22ND CENTURY 12/7/2016 David Xzavier Crichton
23PAGES PEOPLE ARABIC TYPESETTING IS THE FONT USED AND 16 IS THE FONT SIZE.TRACK ONE –WHAT IS GOING ON EVERYBODY? IT IS 5:11PM EST TUESDAY DECEMBER 6TH, 2016. MY NAME IS CHAD XZAVIER HARRIS. MY PEN NAME IS DAVID X. CRICHTON. MY STREET NAME IS CHADFILMS. THIS CD WILL GO DOWN AS THE FIRST CD OFFICIALLY CREATED WITH THE IMMEDIATE INTENTION OF RELEASING IT ON CD AND IN PAPERBACK IN GREAT NUMBERS. THIS CD TURNED BOOK IS ABOUT HOW TO WRITE A BOOK. I AM GOING TO WALK YOU THRU THAT IN ABOUT ONE HOUR. THEN I AM GOING TO TYPE UP EVERYTHING SAID IN THE HOUR AND THEN PUT THOSE TWO PROJECTS OUT IN THOSE TWO FORMATS. THE ORIGINAL FORMAT BEING AUDIO. THAT IN ITSELF IS THE OTHER HALF OF THE FORMULA. WHAT I AM GOING TO GIVE YOU IS TWENTY YEARS OF EXPERIENCE. I AM GOING TO GIVE YOU IT RIGHT HERE AND RIGHT NOW. THOSE TWENTY YEARS OF EXPERIENCE CULMINATED INTO ONE MOMENT WHERE THE CREATIVE GENIUS OF AND IN ME WAS FOREVER UNLEASHED UPON THE WORLD AND WRITER’S BLOCK BECAME A THING OF THE PAST.I CAN WRITE WHENEVER I WANT TO AS LONG AS I FEEL LIKE IT. IF I CAN NOT AUTOMATICALLY GRASP EXACTLY WHAT I AM TRYING TO SAY AND PLACE IT ON THE PAPER THE WAY I WANT TO, I EVENTUALLY GET PAST IT AFTER A FEW SECONDS OF COUNTLESS THOUGHTS. MAYBE.. AFTER MY CREATIVE GENIUS WAS FOREVER UNLEASHED UPON THE WORLD I DISCOVERED MY CREATIVE FORMULA FOR ACHIEVEMENT.MY CREATIVE GENIUS AWAKENING INSIDE OF ME AND YOU KNOW EXTERNALIZING THESE INTANGIBLE IDEAS WE HAVE HAD INSIDE OF US AND EXTERNALIZING THOSE INTO THE PHYSICAL WORLD. THIS RESULTED IN THE BIRTH OF THE FORMULA BECAUSE THIS WAS HOW THE BOOK WAS DONE. ONCE I FOUND THE FORMULA, I USED THE FORMULA TO CONTINUE WRITING MORE BOOKS. SINCE JUNE 2015 I HAVE BEEN WRITING A BOOK A MONTH, PULL OUT A CALENDAR FOR 2015 AND 2016. EVERY MONTH FROM JUNE 2015 TO 2016 HAS IT’S OWN BOOK. EVENTUALLY,, AS YOU DELVE INTO MY CREATIVE EXPANSION MANSION MAYBE, YOU WILL FIND A BUNCH OF OVERLAPPING DATES.YOU WILL FIND THERE MAY BE ONE DAY ON THE CALENDAR WHERE I RECORDED SOMETHING ON THE RECORDER I AM USING NOW AS WELL AS WROTE A BOOK. IF YOU REALLY BECOME A REAL FAN OF MY ART AND ARE IN FULL MADE ACCESSIBLE TO MY ART IN FULL, INCLUDING ALL OF THE AUDIO ACCUMULATED OVER THE PAST YEAR AND A HALF THEN YOU WILL FIND I WAS WRITING MORE THAN ONE BOOK OR RECORDING AND WRITING DIFFERENT BOOKS SIMULTANEOUSLY. THIS IS THE JOY OF HAVING ALL OF THE WORKS OF YOUR FAVORITE ARTIST. YOU GET TO LEARN I WAS WRITING THE PHONE GIRL AND CFK BACK TO BACK. THE PHONE GIRL IS A NOVEL BUT IT IS AN AUTOBIOGRAPHICAL NOVEL. BECAUSE IT IS A NOVEL BECAUSE IT IS FICTION BUT IT ACTUALLY REALLY HAPPENED TO ME. EVERYTHING IN THE PHONE GIRL BOOK IS REAL. I AM NOT ABOUT TO WRITE AN AUTOBIOGRAPHICAL NOVEL CALLED I BOUGHT A GIRL A PHONE.NAH I AM GOING TO WRITE A NOVEL CALLED THE PHONE GIRL AND THIS GIRL KNOWS SHE IS THE PHONE GIRL BECAUSE I TOLD HER SHE IS THE PHONE GIRL AND SHE JUST MADE ME RICH. SHE BROKE MY HEART AND THEN GOT PLAYED RIGHT AFTER THAT. THEN SHE WANTS TO COME BACK TO ME LIKE IT IS ALL MILK AND COOKIES; HIM DOWNSTAIRS. SO THIS IS WHERE THE BOOK CAME FROM. IT IS A PART OF THE FORMULA BECAUSE I BROKE THROUGH WRITERS BLOCK. (A DOUBLE-DOUBLE OCCURRED) A DOUBLE-DOUBLE IS WHEN YOU ARE THINKING ABOUT SOMETHING AND THEN SOMETHING WEIRD HAPPENS IN YOUR ENVIRONMENT. TRACK TWO – THE OTHER PART OF THE FORMULA, THE KEY ELEMENT IS THE CONCEPT YOU ARE WRITING ABOUT; THE SUBJECT MATTER, THE MATERIAL, WHAT ARE YOU WRITING ABOUT? THIS IS THE MOST IMPORTANT THING TO FIGURE OUT. IF YOUR ANSWER TO THE QUESTION IS NOT WHAT I AM WRITING ABOUT IS SOMETHING I FEEL DEEPLY AND HEAVILY IN MY HEART THEN YOU HAVE A GREATER CHANCE OF FAILING AT YOUR OBJECTIVE. THE OBJECTIVE OF WRITING IS TO PURPOSELY IMPART AN EMOTION UPON THE READER DESIRED FROM THE WRITING PROCESS. THIS IS JUST MY OWN DEFINITION OF CREATIVE WRITING. IF I AM GOING TO WRITE A SCARY STORY THEN MY INTENTION MUST BE TO SCARE YOU AND MUST ACCOMPLISH THE OBJECTIVE BY ACTUALLY BEING SOMETHING ACTUALLY SCARING YOU. IF IT IS OF THE HORROR VARIETY THEN IT SHOULD SCARE YOU. IF IT IS A HORROR COMEDY THEN IT SHOULD MAKE YOU LAUGH IN A SUSPENDED MANNER MAYBE.YOU MAY BE MORE OUTRAGED AT HOW PREPOSTEROUS IT MAY SEEM OR YOU MAY BE DISGUSTED AT HOW GORY IT IS BECAUSE IT IS OF A MORE SATIRICAL AND SPOOF LIKE MATTER. SHAUN OF THE DEAD MAY GET AWAY WITH A LITTLE MORE BUT AN INTENDED HORROR MOVIE MAY HAVE MORE RESTRICTIONS ON GORE. IF YOU ARE NOT WRITING ABOUT WHAT IS THE MOST BURDENING ASPECT OF YOUR EMOTIONAL COMPLEXITY THEN IN MY OPINION YOU ARE GOING TO FAIL BECAUSE YOU ARE NOT BEING REAL TO YOURSELF.THE PHONE GIRL WAS A SITUATION REALLY HAPPENING TO ME SO WHILE THE SITUATION WAS HAPPENING TO ME I WAS WRITING POEMS ABOUT IT EVERY DAY IN THE FORM OF OF THE PHONE GIRL VERSE NOVEL. NOW THE TYPE OF POEMS I WROTE IN THE FIRST FOUR PARTS OF THE PHONE GIRL SAGA ARE AVAILABLE NOW. THE PHONE GUY WILL BE THE FIRST PART OF THE PHONE GIRL SAGA. THE LONE GIRL IS PART TWO AND THE PHONE GIRL IS PART THREE BUT TAKES PLACE IN THE SAME TIME FRAME AS THE PHONE GUY. IT IS JUST OF THE OPPOSITE PERSPECTIVE. I SUGGEST YOU WRITE OTHER THE CHARACTER’S PERSPECTIVE OF CERTAIN TIME FRAMES IN EVERY PROJECT. IF YOU WAIT UNTIL YOUR BOOK IS DROPPED AND SUCCESSFUL YOUR NEWLY ACCUMULATED FAN BASE MIGHT ROB YOUR ROUGH DRAFT MATERIAL OF YOUR NEW VERSIONS. OUT OF LOVE THEY WILL LOVINGLY COPY AND PASTE THE FILE AND LEAK IT TO ALL OF THE OTHERS CRAVING YOUR NEW MATERIAL. YOU WOULD BE BETTER OFF WRITING YOUR STORIES BACK TO BACK SO YOU CAN INCORPORATE FUTURE STORIES INTO THE FUTURE STORIES AND INCORPORATE THE FUTURE STORIES INTO THE PRESENT STORY. WITHOUT BEING CONFINED BY WHAT YOU WROTE A LONG TIME AGO. FOR EXAMPLE, THE LAST BOOK I WROTE WAS THE PRINCE WHO KNEW TOO MUCH. FROM NOVEMBER 13TH TO NOVEMBER 21ST, 2016 I WAS WRITING IT AND IT WAS PUBLISHED ON THE 21ST MAKING IT THE FASTEST IDEA I HAVE EVER TURNED AROUND. IT WAS PUBLISHED ON THE DAY IT WAS FINISHED. WHAT DOES THIS MEAN? IF I PUBLISHED IT ON THE DAY I FINISHED TYPING IT THEN IT MEANS I WAS TYPING IT FROM THE BEGINNING. I DIDN’T WRITE IT AND THEN TYPE IT UP OR TYPE IT ON MY TABLET AND THEN EMAIL IT TO MYSELF BEFORE COPYING IT AND PASTING IT INTO A WORD 2003 DOCUMENT AS I WOULD HAVE NORMALLY DONE. NO, AFTER THESE TEN BOOKS I HAVE DONE I HAVE REALIZED IT WOULD BE A LOT EASIER FOR YOU IF YOU WOULD JUST FORMAT EVERYTHING FROM THE BEGINNING.YOU ARE NOT ALWAYS GOING TO BE ABLE TO USE THE SAME TOOL. THE TABLET OR THE PHONE OR THE PAPER AND PEN WILL NOT ALWAYS BE AVAILABLE. AT LEAST YOU CAN FORMAT YOUR 2003 WORD DOCUMENT IF YOU USE WWW.LULU.COM. YOU CAN ADD A BORDER AND PAGE NUMBERS, EVEN A WATERMARK OF A CONCEPTUAL KEYWORD. HOLD ON, LET ME SWITCH TRACKS. TRACK THREE – OK, YOU WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU FORMAT FROM THE BEGINNING JUST SO IT DOES NOT SEEM AS OVERWHELMING AS IT MIGHT REALLY BE. IT IS GOING TO SEEM REALLY JOYOUS WHEN YOU KNOW, ON THE SAME DAY YOU FINISH TYPING UP THE LAST CHAPTER OF THE BOOK, ALL OF THE OTHER CHAPTERS ARE DONE ALREADY AND YOU JUST HAVE TO PROOFREAD OR ORDER A COPY TO PROOFREAD. I ORDER A COPY OF MY BOOKS TO PROOFREAD. NOW I PROOFREAD ON THE BLOG IMMEDIATELY BEFORE POSTING IT FOR FREE. I USE THE BOOK TO MAKE IT EASIER TO PROOFREAD IT AND CIRCLE ERRORS AND MAKE THE CORRECTIONS TO THE FILE. ON MY ADVANCE COPIES YOU GET TO SEE MY HUMANITY. HOW MUCH IT MAY APPEAR I KNOW ABOUT WRITING I STILL AM NOT PERFECT. SEEING THE PROFESSOR’S ERRORS MAY INSTILL CONFIDENCE IN THE STUDENTS. I WILL SHOW YOU HOW TO CRANK OUT A NOVEL IN THIRTY DAYS AND EVENTUALLY BREAK IT DOWN INTO ONE TO THREE DAYS IF YOU REALLY WANT TO. I GUESS THIS IS THE SECRET TO HOW I DID IT; I REALLY WANTED TO. I AM GIVING YOU ALL THE GAME RIGHT NOW IN A BOOK AND ON CD. AFTER TWENTY YEARS OF WRITING POEMS I GIVE THIS TO YOU. I WILL BE 27 YEARS OLD AT THE END OF THIS MONTH. I WAS SEVEN WHEN I WROTE MY FIRST POEM. I WAS TWELVE WHEN I DIRECTED MY FIRST SHORT FILM IN MY BACKYARD WITH NO FILM SCRIPT OR EDITING SOFTWARE. I SHOT EVERY SCENE IN ORDER. I WAS FIFTH-TEEN LIVING IN CONYERS, GEORGIA WHEN I WROTE MY FIRST POETRY JOURNAL. BETWEEN EIGHT-TEEN AND TWENTY-ONE I HAD ACCESS TO OTHER PEOPLE’S CAMERAS WHERE I WAS ABLE TO PRACTICE MY CINEMATOGRAPHY. THEN AT TWENTY-ONE I HAD RECEIVED MY FIRST CAMERA AS AN ADULT. THANK YOU GOD AND MY MOTHER. AT TWENTY I COMMITTED TO WRITING MY OWN MOVIES AND DIRECTING THEM. THE CAMERA AT TWENTY-ONE WAS A VALENTINE’S DAY PRESENT FROM GOD AND MY MOTHER. AT TWENTY-ONE CHADFILMS MADE HIS DEBUT. THE DEBUT OF CHADFILMS WAS KEVITV. WHEN YOU TYPE IT IN YOU MIGHT HAVE SOME TROUBLE FINDING IT DUE TO THE FACT SOME GROUP OF SCOUNDRELS STOLE OUR NAME. THEY CALL IT KEVITVONE. IF YOU LOOK AT BOTH OF THE CHANNELS YOU WILL SEE SIMILARITIES IN THEIR VIEWERSHIP. THEY HAVE SOME OF THE SAME VIEWS OUR VIDEOS HAD. KEVITV WAS THE START OF CHADFILMS. IT WAS JUST ME UTILIZING MY NIECE’S ACTING POTENTIAL; SHE DIDN’T WANT TO DO THIS. SHE HAD A REAL BIG FANBASE FOR IT BUT IT IS WHAT IT IS. ALL OF THESE YEARS LATER YOU KNOW I AM ON THE VERGE OF BUILDING A REAL BIG FANBASE FOR WHAT I AM DOING IN DEEP CREATIVE SOLITUDE. KEVITV IS GOING TO MAKE A CERTIFIED COMEBACK BECAUSE I HAVE ANOTHER NIECE NAMED MALIAH AND SHE LOVES ME SO MUCH. WE HAVE A LOT OF AUDIO OF US RAPPING TOGETHER OR I MIGHT BE RECORDING A BOOK AND SHE’LL BARGE IN AND TAKE OVER. SO KEVITV IS GOING TO MAKE A COME BACK WITH THAT. AFTER KEVITV I STARTED MY OWN CHANNEL SEEXZAVIERFILMS. IT WAS INTENDED AS A PUN, TO GO SEE XZAVIER’S FILMS. YOU WANT TO MAKE SURE YOUR CONTENT IS HEARTFELT BECAUSE THAT IS HOW THE PHONE GIRL WAS. THE PHONE GIRL WAS A REAL STORY AND I WROTE ABOUT HOW I FELT ON THE SITUATION EVERY DAY. THEN THIRTY DAYS LATER I HAD THE BOOK DONE. THIS IS WHEN I REALIZED I HAD CREATED AS FORMULA FOR IT. I HAD BEEN WRITING POEMS FOR YEARS BUT WHEN I DECIDED TO WRITE SCRIPTS I TRIED TO IMMEDIATELY JUMP INTO IT WITHOUT FULLY REALIZING WHAT A SCRIPT WAS. I NOW HAVE ENOUGH PERSISTENT FAITH AND INTELLECTUAL CONFIDENCE IN MY ABILITY TO VISUALLY INTERPRET THE STORY ON PAPER. OR ANY FORMAT AT THIS POINT.AS LONG AS YOU HAVE A SUPER CLEAR VISION OF HOW YOUR SCRIPT IS GOING TO GO YOU CAN JUST CLOSE YOUR EYES AND VISUALIZE EVERY SCENE OF A SIXTY SCENE FILM. WHERE EVERY ACT CONSISTS OF JUST TWENTY PURE SCENES. ALL OF THESE YEARS I WAS ATTEMPTING TO DO A NOVEL OR A FILM SCRIPT YET COULD NEVER FINISH THEM. I BROKE THEM UP INTO FORMATS AND SAID I WAS GOING TO HOLD ON TO THE IDEA UNTIL I PUSH IT OUT MYSELF.I AM GOING TO PUBLISH THIS MYSELF AND PUSH IT ON THE STREET MYSELF AND BUILD A FANBASE TO A MILLION. THEN HOLLYWOOD WILL COME KNOCKING ON THE DOOR LIKE SHOW ME YOURS AND I WILL SHOW YOU MINE.THE PHONE GIRL CAME FROM HEARTBREAK. IN THE SITUATION MY HEART HAD FELT LIKE A BLACK HOLE FOR CREATIVITY. I HAD SO MUCH PAIN IN MY HEART OVER THE SITUATION I WAS ABLE TO TAP INTO THE PAIN AND USE THE PAIN TO PULL OUT THE CREATIVITY NECESSARY TO FINISH THESE STORIES.I WAS SO HURT, I KNEW EXACTLY HOW I FELT. ONLY WHEN YOU KNOW EXACTLY HOW YOU FEEL CAN YOU PUT IT DOWN. IF YOU CAN ONLY PUT DOWN WHAT YOU FEEL THEN YOU SHOULD ONLY WRITE EXACTLY WHAT YOU FEEL ABOUT. WHATEVER IT IS, ALL OF MY NOVELS, THEY REALLY REPRESENT MY PERSONAL PHILOSOPHY. DESPITE THE GENRE, ALL OF MY NOVELS ARE ACTUALLY PHILOSOPHICAL NOVELS.THEY ARE NOVELS DERIVED FROM MY PHILOSOPHY. MY PHILO FOR THE PHONE GIRL MIGHT BE MY PHILO ON DATING AND THE TYPE YOU DATE. MY PHILO FOR THE BOOK WET CUTS MIGHT BE DATING PREMATURELY VS. A SOLITUDE, AMBITION STREAK WHERE YOU ACHIEVE ALL OF YOUR DREAMS FIRST. THEN YOU ARE DATING WITH MORE LEVERAGE AND LESS VULNERABILITY TO FINANCIAL CIRCUMSTANCES TIED IN WITH THE EMOTIONAL COMPLEXITIES OF A RELATIONSHIP.I FEEL A MILLIONAIRE COUPLE MIGHT ARGUE LESS OVER MONEY. THEY CAN TRAVEL WHEN THEY HAVE A DIFFERENCE INSTEAD OF JUST HAVING A DIFFERENCE OVER THE FACT THEY CAN NOT TRAVEL. WHO WANTS A BROKE DADDY? IT IS JUST THIS SIMPLE. TRACK FOUR – THE PHONE GIRL WAS DONE IN THIRTY DAYS. I WAS LIKE OK NOW I HAVE MY FIRST BOOK AND IT CAME IN THE FORM OF POETRY. I STARTED OFF WRITING A POEM ON HOW I FELT AND I KEPT DOING IT. NOW THIS IS MY FORMULA BECAUSE IT FLOWS FASTER, IT IS MORE DESCRIPTIVE AND I CAN DERIVE FROM IT THE OTHER FORMATS. I CAN TURN THE SOURCE MATERIAL INTO NARRATIVE, INTO PROSE, INTO EXPOSITORY, A FILM SCENE, A STAGE PLAY SCENE, A COMIC BOOK STRIP, A GRAPHIC NOVEL PAGE, A SONG. IT IS ABOUT FORMATS ALRIGHT? THIS IS HOW YOU CREATE A ONE HUNDRED MILLION DOLLAR FRANCHISE. FORMATS, YOU WANT YOUR PROJECT TO BE ON AUDIO BECAUSE SOME PEOPLE DO NOT LIKE TO READ OR HAVE TIME TO READ. PUT THE PROJECT ON AUDIO AND THEY CAN LISTEN TO IT EVEN IN SLEEP. I SUGGEST YOU PLAY THIS LOWLY WHILE YOU SLEEP. YOU SHOULD POP THE CD IN WHEN YOU ARE SLEEPING SO YOU CAN FIND YOURSELF USING SOME OF THE TACTICS UNKNOWINGLY. IF YOU REALLY WANT TO KNOW SOMETHING THEN YOU WANT TO PUT IT IN YOUR SUBCONSCIOUS MIND QUICKLY. FOR EXAMPLE, PHOTO READING AND LISTENING TO AUDIO BOOKS WHILE YOU SLEEP. YOUR CONSCIOUS MIND WILL NOT EVEN KNOW AND YOU WILL BE PLAYING INTELLIGENCE DÉJÀ VU. THE PHONE GIRL WAS DONE IN THIRTY DAYS. AFTER THIS I WAS LIKE OK I HAD JUST FINISHED MY FIRST BOOK AND I WAS SO EXCITED. I WAS LIKE WHAT AM I GOING TO DO NOW? KEEP THE MOMENTUM UP PLEASE, DO NOT EVER LOSE IT; THE BEST ADVICE SELF GIVEN. I TOOK THE ADVICE AND KEPT GOING. THAT WAS CFK. THE PHONE GIRL ONE, CFK ONE, THE LONE GIRL, CFK TWO, THE PHONE GUY, CFK THREE THRU SIX. THEN FROM HERE I STARTED THE UNFINISHED CFK MEMOIRS PRE 26 YEARS OLD. JANUARY I WAS WORKING ON A BLOG, THE RESTLESS WRITER, TALES OF AN ALL NIGHTER. CLEVERLAND AND CLEVERFIELD WAS WRITTEN IN FEBRUARY. THEN I MOVED AND FINISHED U.G.L.Y QUOTRY WHICH IS THE NAME OF MY MAIN BUSINESS INSTAGRAM. THEN I GOT MY JOB AT P AND G AND I WAS WRITING A 13 PAGE BOOK RANDOM QUIRKINESS. I PLACED IT AS A PREVIEW IN THE FIRST CFK SAGA BOOK. I WROTE A FEW SHORT STORIES AS MY FIRST ATTEMPT IN A NOTEBOOK I LEFT AT WORK FOR WRITING ON MY BREAK. THE NOTEBOOK DISAPPEARED. I LOST ALL OF MY FIRST SHORT STORY NOTEBOOK. THOSE MONTHS WENT DOWN THE DRAIN. SOME OF THOSE POEMS CONTAIN WHAT WOULD HAVE BEEN PUT INTO THE PHONE GIRL PART FOUR. THOSE WOULD HAVE BEEN NICE BUT IT IS WHAT IT IS WHATEVER, THE BOOK IS STILL OUT. AT THIS POINT I STARTED WRITING A BUNCH OF MATERIAL THAT STARTED DISAPPEARING WHETHER I LOST IT OR I GAVE IT AWAY FOR A SINGER TO MAKE IT INTO A SONG AND THEN I NEVER HEARD FROM THEM AGAIN. I MIGHT HAVE GIVEN OUT LIKE TWENTY PAGES AND THEN TWENTY MORE PAGES TO TWO DIFFERENT MUSIC ARTISTS WHO CAN’T WRITE LYRICS. AT THIS POINT I WAS REALLY JUST PAYING A DEBT TO THE UNIVERSE. IT IS WHAT IT IS. I AM NOT GOING TO TRIP FOR THIS IS WHAT I DO. I GAVE AWAY FORTY PAGES LIKE IT WAS NOTHING. I JUST POPPED IT OUT. I LOST THE FIRST FEW POEMS FOR THE STIPULATION KING IN THE LOST 2016 P AND G NOTEBOOK. I LOST NERDS IN THE HOOD AND IT WAS COMPLETE. I LOST 10-20 POEMS ON THE PHONE GIRL NUMBER TWO AS IN ANA THE 2ND PHONE GIRL SAGA. TRACK FIVE – ALRIGHT, SO LET ME TRY TO FLOW THRU THIS WORKBOOK REAL QUICK TO GIVE YOU THIS THING. ALRIGHT WRITER’S BLOCK STARTED TO GO AWAY WHEN MY CREATIVE WRITER CAME OUT AND I GOT THE FORMULA. I REALIZED AS LONG AS I WAS WRITING ABOUT SOMETHING THAT WAS HEAVY IN MY HEART, THERE IS NO WRITER’S BLOCK BECAUSE I FEEL SO DEEPLY ABOUT IT. NOW THERE IS GOING TO COME A TIME WHEN YOU READ BACK WHAT YOU WROTE OR YOU DON’T EVEN READ IT FOR YOU KNOW WHAT YOU WROTE BECAUSE IT IS MAKING YOU CRY, TREMBLE OR WHATEVER – WHATEVER. AT THAT POINT YOU’RE GOING TO ASK YOURSELF; DO I FEEL COMFORTABLE ENOUGH FOR ANYBODY, A PERSON CLOSE TO ME OR A COMPLETE STRANGER TO READ THIS AND KNOW IT IS ABOUT ME? DO I FEEL COMFORTABLE? WHETHER THE ANSWER IS YES OR NO YOU SHOULD GO AHEAD AND LET THEM READ IT. NOW, IF IT MAKES YOU REALLY UNCOMFORTABLE AND IT’S A REALLY DARK SECRET, DON’T DO IT. AS LONG AS IT IS NOT A REALLY DARK SECRET, DO IT. FEEL ME? JUST ONLY HOLD BACK YOUR REALLY DARK SECRET. AS LONG AS IT IS NOT YOUR REALLY DARK SECRET THEN THERE IS NOTHING TO BE ASHAMED ABOUT. AS LONG AS YOU ARE BEING HONEST ABOUT IT AND IT IS REALLY WHAT HAPPENED/HOW YOU FELT ABOUT IT. NOW AS LONG AS YOU LIVE BY THIS CRITERIA WHEN WRITING BOOM: YOU WILL NOT GET WRITER’S BLOCK ANYMORE. IF YOU HAVE WRITER’S BLOCK IT IS BECAUSE YOU ARE WRITING ABOUT SOMETHING YOU SHOULDN’T BE WRITING ABOUT. HOW ABOUT THAT? REAL WRITERS DON’T GET WRITER’S BLOCK. IF I WANT TO WRITE, THEN I AM GOING TO WRITE BECAUSE I AM A WRITER. THAT IS JUST HOW IT GOES. I’M SORRY BUT THAT’S JUST HOW IT GOES. RIGHT? WHEN YOU WANT TO EAT, YOU EAT. YOU DON’T GET STOMACH BLOCK DO YOU? I DON’T. I’M NOT SAYING WHEN I’M WRITING I DON’T EVER HAVE A STUMBLE WHERE I JUST PAUSE. IT IS ACTUALLY PRETTY ENTERTAINING BECAUSE I WOULD WRITE ON LUNCH BREAK AND THE OTHER BREAKS WE HAVE. IT WOULD BE A TEN MINUTE BREAK AND I WOULD SIT DOWN ON MY BREAK AND TIME THE PAPER BEFORE WRITING. ABOUT A TEN OR FIFTH-TEEN MINUTE BREAK FRIEND I AM WRITING NON STOP. MY HAND MIGHT STOP MOVING HALFWAY DOWN THE PAGE AND THEN YOU SEE ME PULL MY HAND ALL THE WAY BACK. YOU’LL HEAR A CRACK, IT’LL DO LIKE THAT AND I’LL BE LIKE OH THAT’S WHERE IT IS AT. RIGHT? BECAUSE I AM STRETCHING MY HAND BECAUSE IT HURTS BECAUSE I’VE BEEN HAVING IT CROUCHED IN THAT POSITION. THE HAND HELD HOSTAGE TO MY CONSTANT CREATIVITY.BOOM! SO THEN I FINISH THE OTHER HALF AND I MIGHT FINISH HALF THE PAGE OR THE WHOLE PAGE IN FIVE OR TEN MINUTES, IT DOES NOT MATTER. IT DEPENDS ON WHAT I’M WRITING ABOUT, IT DEPENDS ON WHAT I AM WRITING ABOUT. THAT’S WHY YOU WANT TO TIME EVERYTHING. ONCE YOU START TO TIME EVERYTHING THEN YOU START TO LOOK AT IT LIKE A SPORT. ONCE YOU LOOK AT IT LIKE A SPORT YOU REALIZE ONCE YOU TIME EVERYTHING IT IS THE STATISTICAL POINT OF NO RETURN.ANY READER OF YOUR MATERIAL MAY SEE THE TIMES, AND THEY CAN LEARN A LOT. HERE’S WHAT YOU LEARN FROM TIMING YOUR MATERIAL, HERE’S WHAT THE READER LEARNED FROM YOU TIMING YOUR MATERIAL. THEY KNOW WHEN YOU STARTED AND FINISHED IT. MEANING THE INDIVIDUAL PAGE OR POEM. THEY KNOW WHEN YOU STARTED AND FINISHED THE ENTIRE PROJECT. THEY KNOW WHEN YOU STARTED AND FINISHED ALL OF THE RELATED PROJECTS (SEQUELS, PREQUELS AND SPIN OFFS). THEY KNOW WHEN YOU STOPPED OR TOOK A BREAK. THEY KNOW WHAT OTHER PROJECTS YOU WORKING ON THE SAME DAYS AND THEY KNOW WHAT THEY WERE DOING ON THOSE SAME DAYS. SO IT IS MORE OF A CONNECTION, THEY KNOW MORE ABOUT IT AND IT IS UNSAID. IT IS ALL IN THE MATH. JUST BY YOU PUTTING THE TIME YOU MADE IT AND THEY LOOK AT IT THE DAYS THEY READ IT; THEY MADE THE MATH CONNECTION. IT IS A MATHEMATICAL EQUATION OF YOUR PRODUCTIVITY. WHEN YOU TIME YOUR MATERIAL, IT IS LIKE TIMING YOURSELF RUNNING A MILE. YOU’RE NOT GOING TO RUN A MILE WITHOUT TIMING IT OR DO 1000 PUSH UPS WITHOUT COUNTING THEM UNLESS YOU ARE JUST DOING TOO MUCH TO NEED TO TIME IT. UNTIL THEN JUST TIME IT BECAUSE IT MAKES EVERYTHING A LOT MORE LEGIT AND IT PRODUCES A SMILE ON THE READER’S FACE. I’VE SEEN IT MYSELF. YOU WANT THEM TO KNOW WHAT THEY WERE DOING WHEN YOU WERE WRITING YOUR MATERIAL AND THAT IS THE BASIC CONNECTION. THEY COULD HAVE BEEN GOING THRU SOME EXTRANEOUS EMOTIONS ON THE DAYS YOU WROTE IT. THEY COULD HAVE BEEN GETTING KICKED OUT. THEY COULD HAVE BEEN PUSHING A CAR. THEY COULD HAVE BEEN CLIMBING UP A TREE IN THE RAIN. YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT THEY WERE GOING THRU WHEN YOU WERE WORKING ON THE PROJECT AND THAT IS WHAT WILL PROVIDE THE CONNECTION. YOU HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH IT. ALL YOU DID WAS PROVIDE THE TIME YOU CREATED IT SO THEY COULD SEE THE CONNECTION. THE FIRST STEP IS TO BLEED ON THE PAGE. YOU HAVE TO BLEED ON THE PAGE. I CAN FILL UP AN ENTIRE PAGE IN TEN MINUTES BECAUSE I AM GOING TO BLEED ON THE PAGE. IT IS LIKE A TRICK; IT IS LIKE SOMEONE SAYING HEY CHAD HERE’S THIS PIECE OF PAPER NOW FILL IT UP. I’M LIKE OK, I TAKE IT AND PUT IT IN MY TRENCH COAT. I TAKE IT OUT OF MY TRENCH COAT AND ALL OF THE INK IS JUST BLEEDING AND DRYING UP ALL GLOSSY. THAT’S THE KEY, TO GETTING OVER THE WRITER’S BLOCK. THE SECOND KEY TO GETTING OVER THE WRITER’S BLOCK IS YOU ARE GOING TO KNOW WHAT TO DO TO PUMP UP YOUR INSPIRATION REAL QUICK. GO TO GOOGLE AND TYPE IN FORMS OF POETRY. GO TO GOOGLE AND TYPE IN LIST OF LITERARY TERMS ON. GO TO GOOGLE AND TYPE IN CHARACTER ARCHETYPES ON GOOGLE. GO TO GOOGLE AND TYPE IN ANYTHING SIMILAR TO THIS AREA OF LITERARY ELEMENTS OF A STORY. YOU USE STORY ELEMENTS IN CONJUNCTION WITH QUOTES RELATED TO YOUR STORY TO SOUP UP YOUR IDEAS. PICK A CONCEPT FOR YOUR STORY AND FIGURE OUT WHAT YOU HAVE TO READ OR WATCH TO RESEARCH YOUR STORY. FOR EXAMPLE, I AM WRITING A BOOK ABOUT THE MAFIA AND I HAVE TO STUDY THE MAFIA. ONCE I KNOW ENOUGH ABOUT THE MAFIA THEN I CAN FEEL COMFORTABLE WRITING A STORY ABOUT THE MAFIA. SO WHATEVER YOU ARE GOING TO WRITE ABOUT YOU WANT TO GET YOUR STUDYING TOGETHER FIRST. ONCE YOU HAVE STUDIED ENOUGH ABOUT YOUR STORY IF IT IS NOT A REAL LIFE SITUATION TURNED INTO A NOVEL. I WOULD SUGGEST AUTO-BIOGRAPHICAL NOVELS INSTEAD OF AUTO-BIOGRAPHY BOOKS. HAVE BOTH; I DO AUTO-BIOGRAPHICAL NOVELS BECAUSE A LOT THAT COMES FROM IT, I COULD MAKE IT AN AUTO-BIOGRAPHY BUT I DON’T NECESSARILY WANT ALL OF THOSE STORIES IN THE AUTO-BIOGRAPHICAL SECTION. I CAN INCLUDE ALL OF THE STORIES IN MY AUTO-BIOGRAPHY AND I WILL BUT CERTAIN THINGS HAPPENING TO ME IN REAL LIFE I WOULD RATHER MAKE IT INTO A NOVEL TO BE HONEST WITH YOU. THE PHONE GIRL BOOK WAS MY WRITING FORMULA FIRST EXTERNALIZED. IT TURNED INTO SOMETHING BIG BUT I DON’T WANT THE PHONE GIRL IN MY MEMOIRS. THE PHONE GIRL IS A REAL PERSON AND WAS A REAL SITUATION. SO, IF I PUT THE SITUATION ONLY IN AN AUTO-BIOGRAPHICAL PUBLICATION, THEN IT IS KIND OF LIKE I’M JUST SNITCHING. BUT IF I TAKE THIS THING THAT REALLY HAPPENED TO ME AND I SPRINKLE IT INTO A BOOK, MASKING IT INTO A NOVEL THEN IT IS LIKE PAYBACK. YES, THE PHONE GIRL IS REALLY OUT THERE BECAUSE SHE IS A REAL PERSON. YES, THAT’S SOME CREEPY PASTA FOR YOUR TAIL. TRACK SIX – ANYWAY, LET’S TRY TO GET THRU HERE. CAN I ACTUALLY FINISH RECORDING THIS ENTIRE BOOK IN ONE HOUR? I HAVE EIGHT MINUTES LEFT. GO ONLINE AND TYPE IN LITERARY TERMS. I KNOW I HAD SOME QUESTIONS TO ASK YOU TOO BUT ANYWAY HERE IS WHY YOU USE QUOTES. I STARTED USING QUOTES DURING CFK 5 AND 6. I DIDN’T PUT THE QUOTES IN THE BOOK BUT AFTER THIS POINT I STARTED USING QUOTES IN THE MAJORITY OF THE STORIES I WROTE. THE ONLY TIME I DON’T USE QUOTES IS WHEN I AM WRITING ABOUT SOMETHING I FEEL CONFIDENT ENOUGH TO EXPRESS WITHOUT THE USE OF QUOTES. IF I NEED TO SUPERCHARGE THE THOUGHT AND MAKE IT DEEPER THEN I GET THE QUOTE. I DID NOT COMPREHEND WHAT A QUOTE WAS UNTIL I STARTED USING THEM IN MY WRITING. A QUOTE IS A PHRASE, A SENTENCE OR A PARAGRAPH FROM A PERSON WHO HAS ACHIEVED SUCCESS IN THEIR OWN INDUSTRY AND THEY HAPPEN TO LAY DOWN THE QUOTE. WHEN YOU READ THE QUOTES YOU CAN READ THEM IN CATEGORIES LIKE HAPPINESS, LOVE, JOY, EARTH, HATE, FURY, BLISS, ANGER, RAGE, SOCIETY, POLITICS, THE PRESIDENT, THE PRESIDENCY, POLITICIANS, AMERICA, EUROPE, NORTH AMERICA, SOUTH AMERICA, ASIA. YOU WILL STUMBLE ACROSS SOMETHING SUPERCHARGING YOUR STORY. FIGURE OUT YOUR STORY CONCEPT. FIGURE OUT THE CONCEPTS THE STORY WILL BE TALKING ABOUT. WHATEVER THE STORY IS ABOUT THEN BREAK IT DOWN INTO THE EXPRESSED EMOTION. IF YOUR STORY IS ABOUT YOUR GRANDMOTHER DYING AND YOU BEING SAD ABOUT IT THEN BREAK DOWN THOSE EMOTIONS. FIND QUOTES ON THOSE EMOTIONS AND APPLY THOSE QUOTES TO WHAT YOU ARE ALREADY PLOTTING IN YOUR HEAD OR ON PAPER. GO TO WWW.BRAINYQUOTE.COM AND TYPE IN YOUR CONCEPT KEYWORDS. TAKE THE FIRST TEN OR TWENTY QUOTES AND THIS SHOULD GET YOU FAR ENOUGH UNTIL YOU DECIDE IF YOU ARE GOING TO USE THE SAME KEYWORD QUOTES OR SWITCH QUOTE TOPICS OR SWITCH AUTHORS. FOR EXAMPLE, THE LAST FRANCHISE I STARTED UNDER THE PEN NAME DAVID X. CRICHTON IS CALLED THE PRINCE WHO KNEW TOO MUCH. THE SEQUEL IS CALLED THE PRINCE’S PHILO. IN THE FIRST BOOK I USED QUOTES ON DESTINY. IN THE PRINCE’S PHILO I USED ALBERT CAMUS QUOTES WHERE EVERY CHAPTER USES AT LEAST ONE OF HIS QUOTES. IN THE PRINCE’S FATE I WILL USE QUOTES ON FATE. SOMETIMES I MIGHT READ A QUOTE THAT FLOODS MY BRAIN SO MUCH I CAN FILL UP A CHAPTER OR PAGE OR POEM USING IT. SOMETIMES A QUOTE ONLY GETS ME THROUGH A PARAGRAPH. SOMETHING ELSE I STARTED TO USE IN THE BOOK “WET CUTS” WAS STATISTICS. IT IS ALL ABOUT AMBITION AND GUYS MAKING THEIR AMBITION TOWARDS ACQUIRING SEX. ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS WATCH THEM BECAUSE THEY WON’T ADMIT IT.MY VERSION OF “WET CUTS” USES STATS LIKE TEENAGE PREGNANCY. 500,000 PREGRANCIES A YEAR. 4.6 MILLION KIDS BORN A YEAR. 1.2 MILLION ABORTIONS OR MISCARRIAGES. THE NUMBER OF ABORTIONS ALMOST MATCHED THE NUMBER OF MISCARRIAGES. WHY COULDN’T NATURE SWITCH THE MOTHERS INSTEAD? THAT IDEA IS A NARRATIVE IN ITSELF. LOOK OUT FOR THAT SPIN OFF. IT WAS JUST WILD LEARNING STATS AND AT THIS POINT I STARTED USING STATS. I WOULD WRITE ONE POEM OR PAGE BASED ON A STAT. YOU CAN EXPAND THE CATEGORIES TO SPARK YOUR BRAIN WITH. YOU CAN FIND OTHER CATEGORIES TO BOOST UP YOUR STORY DETAILS. PICK A SUBJECT TO WRITE ABOUT AND THEN PICK OUT QUOTES OR STATISTICS ON YOUR STORY. FIND THE DIFFERENT TYPES OF POEMS IF YOU CAN WRITE A POEM EASIER THAN YOU CAN WRITE A PAGE OF PROSE OR NARRATIVE.THEN YOU HAVE TO PICK OUT THE TYPE OF POEM AND THEN APPLY THE QUOTE OR STAT OR CASE STUDY. YOU ADD THE HEARTFELT CONCEPT TO THE QUOTES OR STATS ON THE HEARTFELT CONCEPT AND THEN YOU ADD IT TO THE TYPE OF POEM OR LITERARY ELEMENT OR DEVICE.(ALLITERATION, CONSONANT, ASSONANT, ENJAMBMENT, ADJECTIVE, ANTHOLOGY, COUPLET, ENVOI, ENVOY, CHORUS, FOOT, HYBERBOLE, IAMBIC PENTAMETER, KENNING, METAPHOR, ONAMOTEPIA, PERSONIFICATION, OXYMORON, CONUNDRUM, POETRY, POETRY SLAM, POWERFUL VERB, PROSE, RHYMING COUPLET, RHYME, SIMILE, QUATRAN, REPETITION, STANZA, SYLLABLE, TERCET, REFRAIN, RHYTHM, VERB, VERSE)IT IS NOTHING MORE THAN A LITERARY EQUATION. IT STARTS OFF WITH A STORY ABOUT THIS CONCEPT AND I AM GOING TO USE THESE QUOTES, THESE STATS, THESE LITERARY TERMS AND THESE CHARACTER ARCHETYPES. NOW YOU HAVE YOUR NOTES. YOUR NOTES INCLUDE ALL OF YOUR CASE STUDIES, ALL OF YOUR NARRATIVE JUICERS. AS LONG AS YOU GET THIS PART HERE OF THE EQUATION, THEN YOU GOT IT AND YOU CAN DO IT.LET’S SAY YOU GET IT, NOW LET US MOVE ON TO HOW THIS BOOK ITSELF WAS CREATED. THIS BOOK ON HOW TO WRITE A BOOK WAS NOT ORIGINALLY WRITTEN AT ALL. THIS BOOK IS A TRANSLATION OF A W.A.V. FILE THAT MUST BE CONVERTED TO MP3 BEFORE RELEASING THE AUDIO ONLINE AND ON CD FORMAT ON DATPIFF.COM UNDER THE D.X.C. PEN NAME.LET US SAY YOU DO NOT GET HOW TO WRITE A BOOK YET. I GET IT, EVEN FOR ME AS A WRITER, THE THOUGHT OF PRODUCING A NOVEL IS INTIMIDATING. DETAILS, CHARACTERIZATION, PUNCTUATION AND GRAMMAR IS SCARY TO MOST PEOPLE. YOU MAY NOT HAVE BEEN WRITING YOUR WHOLE LIFE BUT YOU HAVE BEEN TALKING FOR ALL OF YOUR LIFE.SO WHY NOT THINK IT WOULD BE EASIER TO TALK THE STORY OUT? YOU CAN BUY ANY RECORDER BUT THE ONE I AM USING IS A 70$ TASCAM DR RECORDER. BUY THE NEWEST VERSION. TURN THE DECIMAL LEVEL ALL OF THE WAY UP AND TURN THE VOLUME UP 50 TO 75%. NOW YOU HAVE THIS REALLY LOUD THING GOING ON. IT ALSO HAS EXTERNAL MICROPHONES SO YOU CAN DECIDE IF YOU WANT TO BE HEARD PRIMARILY ON THE LEFT OR RIGHT EAR.IT RUNS ON DOUBLE A BATTERIES SO BUY A FEW PACKS OF BATTERIES AND A RECHARGEABLE SET OF BATTERIES AND THE CHARGER SO YOU CAN BEGIN TO FILM YOUR LIFE. GET READY FOR THE TIME OF YOUR LIFE. I HAVE JUST STARTED TRANSCRIBING MY AUDIO SOURCE MATERIAL INTO PUBLICATIONS AND HERE IS WHAT I HAVE DEDUCED.EVERY TEN MINUTE RECORDING EQUALS 2-5 PAGES OF TRANSCRIBED MATERIAL DEPENDING ON HOW FAST OR SLOW I AM SPEAKING. I RECORD FOR ONE HOUR WHICH WOULD BE SIX TRACKS OR I WOULD GO TO TEN. I WOULD TYPE UP THE TEN TRACKS AS ONE BOOK. 20-50 PAGES ARE DERIVED FROM SOURCE MATERIAL AUDIO. I HAVE 50 HOURS OF UN TRANSCRIBED AUDIO SOURCE MATERIAL FROM MAY, 2015 TO 1-1-2017. THAT EQUATES TO 50 MORE BOOKS TO ADD TO THE ULTIMATE DAVID CRICHTON AUDIO TRANSLATION 2016 COLLECTION. TRACK SEVEN – ANOTHER THING, GET THE RECORDER, SIT DOWN AND CLOSE YOUR EYES. YOU CAN OPEN YOUR EYES, TAKE ALL OF YOUR NOTES, USE YOUR NOTES AND JUST FLOW THE STORY OUT. USE YOUR NOTES, YOU CAN EITHER FREESTYLE POEMS WITH RHYMEZONE.COM AND PICK OUT ALL OF THE WORDS YOU WANT TO USE AND THEN IT COMES UP WITH ALL OF THE RHYMES FOR THE WORD AND YOU JUST HAVE TO FREESTYLE IT. YOU HAVE TO PUT IT TOGETHER ON AUDIO, WITHOUT WRITING IT. ALL YOU HAVE IS THE LAST WORD YOU ARE GOING TO USE.YOU HAVE TO FILL IN THE BLANK. THIS IS WHAT I AM TRYING TO GIVE YOU. A FILL IN THE BLANK ON A BOOK. I AM GOING TO TAKE EVERYTHING I JUST SAID, TYPE IT ALL UP AND WHATEVER I DIDN’T INCLUDE IN IT THAT NEEDED TO BE INCLUDED I WILL ADD IT BUT REALLY HOPE THE AUDIO DOESN’T NEED ANYTHING ELSE I COULD SAY TO BE MORE EFFECTIVE IN HELPING YOU WRITERS.I REALLY WANT TO INCLUDE CHARTS AND THINGS I CAN NOT JUST SAY. IF IT IS SOMETHING I COULD SAY HERE AND I DIDN’T SAY IT I WOULD FEEL LIKE THIS AUDIO IS NOT AS COMPLETE AS A PROJECT INTENDED TO HELP WRITERS WOULD NEED TO BE. CHARACTERIZATION – THIS IS ANOTHER PART YOU SEE PEOPLE CRITICIZE IN MOVIES AND NOVELS. MY CHARACTERIZATION IS GETTING BETTER BUT I KNOW AT LEAST THIS MUCH. MY BOOK “THE PRINCE WHO KNEW TOO MUCH” IS MY FIRST OFFICIAL SHORT NOVEL, PROSE, AND NARRATIVE WRITTEN LIKE A DIARY ENTRY. EVERY CHAPTER IS A DIARY ENTRY USING QUOTES ON DESTINY. IT IS WRITTEN IN FIRST PERSON DIARY PERSPECTIVE FORMAT.I FIND THIS THE EASIEST WAY TO PUSH IT OUT BEFORE TRANSCRIPTION. MAYBE YOU SHOULD TRY THIS WAY AND JUST GIVE IT A SHOT. WRITE IT AS DIARY ENTRIES IN FIRST PERSON PERSPECTIVE. I READ A FEW ARTICLES. THE FIRST ARTICLE I READ WHEN I WAS 20-22, THE ARTICLE SAID TO PICK A SUBJECT YOU ARE PASSIONATE ABOUT, WRITE DOWN HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT THE SUBJECT AND THEN BOOM, GIVE THE FEELING TO A CHARACTER. IT IS THIS SIMPLE.WRITE DOWN HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT SOMETHING. EVEN IF IT IS NOT RELATED TO THE STORY, WRITE DOWN HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT YOUR FAVORITE CHIPS AND YOUR LEAST FAVORITE CHIPS AND GIVE THIS TO YOUR CHARACTER. NOW WHEN YOUR READERS READS THIS IT IS GOING TO MAKE YOUR CHARACTER MORE ACCESSIBLE TO THEM. YOU ARE YOUR CHARACTERS, YOUR CHARACTERS ARE AN EXTENSION OF YOURSELF. WRITE DOWN YOUR FAVORITE FRUIT OR FOOD AND YOUR LEAST FAVORITE FOOD AND FRUIT OR VEGETABLE.NOW YOUR READER’S KNOW YOUR CHARACTER’S FAVORITE CHIPS. I LOVE THE BOONDOCKS SO MY CHARACTERS LOVE THE BOONDOCKS. I AM OBSESSED WITH JFK/RFK AND THE PRESIDENCY AND I WILL HAVE CHARACTERS IN STORIES NOT RELATED TO CFK OR THE BLACK JFK WHO ARE JUST OBSESSED WITH THE KENNEDY PRESIDENCY.THIS IS THE BEAUTY OF BEING A WRITER; YOU CAN SPRINKLE YOURSELF INTO YOUR OWN IMAGINATIVE STORIES. SO WHAT ELSE? CHARACTERIZATION, DO THE DIARY FORMAT EVEN IF YOU DIDN’T WANT TO DO THIS FOR THE ENTIRE BOOK. YOU CAN EVEN WRITE THE DIARY FORMAT AS THE TREATMENT OF THE STORY AND THEN INDIVIDUALLY PUBLISH THE DIARY FOR THE CHARACTER. IT IS AN EXTENSION OF THE SERIES, IT IS A PART OF THE FRANCHISE.THE DIARY OF YOUR CHARACTER YOU CAN BE OFFERED AS AN ALTERNATIVE PURCHASE FOR YOUR FANS TO BUY ONCE YOUR STORY GETS POPPING. WHEN! A SIDE BOOK, “THE TWILIGHT SAGA” “THE SECOND SHORT LIFE OF BREE TANNER” “THE HUNGER GAMES” MAY NOT HAVE A SIDE BOOK. “INSURGENTS” HAS A SIDE BOOK. YOU HAVE TO PLOT THIS STUFF IN ADVANCE.ALL OF THESE PEOPLE, I DO NOT KNOW IF THE SIDE BOOKS WERE WRITTEN WITH THE ORIGINALS. WHETHER THEY DID OR NOT, SHE STILL DID IT AND I SAY YOU SHOULD STILL DO IT NOW. I ALSO SAY YOU SHOULD DO IT AT THE SAME MOMENT.FOR EXAMPLE, SHOUT OUT TO MY HOMIE CECE THE WRITER FROM NY. I SAW HER AT WORK, GAVE HER A COPY OF “THE PRINCE WHO KNEW TOO MUCH” AND TOLD HER THE SEQUEL IS ALREADY DONE. SHE WAS LIKE “WORD, THE SEQUEL IS ALREADY DONE? YOU ARE NOT WASTING ANYTIME? YOU ARE A BEAST WITH IT.” WHAT’S GOING ON?THIS IS WHY I AM MAKING THIS TAPE BOOK. I AM NOT MAKING THIS TAPE FOR ME BECAUSE I ALREADY KNOW HOW TO MAKE BOOKS. SO WHY I AM GIVING AWAY MY SECRET? (5SECOND PAUSE) THAT’S WHY I WAS GIVEN THE SECRET, TO GIVE IT OUT. GOD SHOWED ME THE FORMULA SO I CAN SHARE IT WITH THE WORLD. I MEET MANY PEOPLE WHO WANT TO WRITE BOOKS AND THEY SEEM TO HAVE MUCH MORE TROUBLE WITH IT THAN I DO. I FEEL I CAN BREAK IT DOWN ON A LEVEL SO THEY CAN REALLY TAKE OFF WITH IT.THIS CAN BE ONE OF MY MANY GIFTS AND CONTRIBUTIONS TO SOCIETY. A DOCUMENT ON HOW TO WRITE A BESTSELLER NOVEL IN A THIRTY DAY PERIOD AND THEN BREAK IT DOWN TO A 7 DAY AND A 3 DAY PERIOD IS A HELL OF A CONTRIBUTION TO THE LITERARY ARTS. I WOULD JUST HAVE INSPIRED AN ENTIRE GENERATION OF WRITERS ON HOW TO MASS PRODUCE AN EMPIRE OF INTELLECTUAL PROPERTY. A PUBLICATION EMPIRE OF NOVELS.I REALLY DO NOT WANT TO LISTEN BACK TO THIS HOUR AND TYPE UP WHAT I SAID AND KEEP PLAYING IT BACK. (TUPAC’S ALL EYEZ ON ME ALBUM PLAYS OVER AS I FINISH TYPING THIS LAST TRACK. THANK YOU DEAREST READER. PROOFREAD BY THE AUTHOR. PUBLISHED BY THE AUTHOR. COPYRIGHT OWNED BY THE AUTHOR. CHAD X. HARRIS UNDER DAVID X. CRICHTON PEN NAME.
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Intensely Inventive and (Ideally) Inspiring Intro

Aloha (as mi amore’s ancestors say). Attend this aspiring author’s artistic account of an admirable man’s adventures. (Ah, alliteration. Am I attempting to attract the affection of our auditory artist for affording me access to an audience for my asides? Absolutely.) Albeit beautiful to behold, building this biography on the basis of words’ beginnings would burden this boisterous bard and might bewilder the beholders, barring them from appreciating the ballad of a bygone-era badass (bubbling to the brim with battles, beatings, and bravado.) Conveyance constrained by such convention could come across as cumbersome, but it’s certainly a cheeky and challenging choice.
This doesn’t denote dereliction of duty, so don’t despair. Detour around my devilish deviation for details about dad’s dastardly, devious, and defensive deeds. Today’s entertaining exposition explains exploits of enlistment, engineering, education, and exploitation.
Forewarning: Forget foulmouthed familial folklore. Family-friendly fun for the future.
The gregarious gentleman who graces the groundlings with his gift of the gab regularly regales the general public to generate gold. Going against the profane grain guards him from YouTube’s oligarchical gargoyle. Helping our host hold his habitat unhindered is only half of it, though. I inadvertently invited an individual to inspect the tales of indignity and ingenuity I’ve given in intermittent installments.
Who joined the joyful jury to judge my jargon?
The kindliest of my kinfolk (who could still kick her kid in the keister). Kanga to my Roo. Lost? Lamenting the language limit this literary limbo has leveled at its onlookers? Mama Pirate. My matron now marks my musings to monitor my mischief.
“Nonsense! Needlessly neutering your normal narrative to not offend a nanna?”
Obviously. Only an oafish orangutan would outline the obligation otherwise. Pontification aside, today’s presentation of Papa Pirate portrays a pinch of peril and a proper portion of pugilistic punishment leveled at a pitiful punk.
“Quit qualifying your quirky and quixotic quips, you quack!”
Really? Rather rude to reprimand a rapscallion for trying to regale the readers by resourcefully reordering the words in his Reddxclusive report.
Asides aside I’ll set the stage for today’s story of shenanigans. The tale will take us back in time to 1970, but ultimately this undertaking will usher us to 1974. Our venerable veterans will verify that Vietnam was a venue for violence. Woeful was once wide-eyed Papa Pirate that the window to Western was walled off. Exposure to extermination hadn’t been expected, but an exit to Mexico (and subsequent expatriation) would be a vexing prospect. So yesteryear’s youthful hero was yoked with zero zeal.
“Ah, but can descriptive exploits from grand heroes issuing justified knockouts logically meet numerous observers’ ponderous queries? Recent story themes utilized violence. Why? Explain yourself! Zounds!”
And now that I’ve made my brain hurt I’m going to go back to my normal style. If you skipped over the shenanigans above you might have made the right choice. You didn’t miss much except the fact that I’m toning down my language for here on because my mom has started watching these. It’s not that I’m afraid of her taking a switch to my hindquarters for using bad words, it’s because I want to make it easier for my mama to listen along without getting upset.
…that and a willowy branch has the same effect on a 37-year-old’s meaty mudflaps as it does on a wee lad’s.
Anyway…
When last we left Papa Pirate he was holding his draft notice in one hand and a college application packet in the other. The one rendered the other as useless as Valentine’s Day dinner reservations to a neckbeard; if Papa Pirate was to safeguard his ability to provide Mama Pirate with an ongoing supply of mid-February roses and chocolates, he would have to make some quick decisions.
The Army’s cordial invitation to get shot at had a two week deadline. Unless he fled the country, faked his death, or suddenly came down with a bad case of club feet, Papa Pirate had a fortnight to present himself to an enlistment site.
Have you ever lied to someone about having a significant other to shut down unwanted advances? Ever tell someone you have a funeral to attend to avoid coming over to their house because the whole place reeks of cat piss and they are unironically dressing their felines in formal attire to get married? Ever tell a Direct TV salesmen you’re already a subscriber to shut them up?
What if you shoved into their hands a marriage license, obituary, or monthly bill with Sonic The Hedgehog 2 rented 16 times on Pay-Per-View when you know for a fact that you didn’t watch it only to recall your wife asking you a month ago to put a PIN on the account because your 4-year-old has figured out how to work a TV controller but you forgot to do it because you’ve been busy playing Yee Haw Pew Pew 2 with your buddies every night since then.
Where was I going with that…
Ah. Right.
Papa Pirate came to the enlistment office with a letter that said
“Hey, dummies.
We already called dibs on this guy so you can kick rocks. You know. On the ground. Where you do all your work. Because you’re dummies.
Sincerely,
The way-better-than-you Air Force.”
Now before any of you Army guys come after me, remember that this was the Air Force’s words. Not mine.
And yeah, I guess that was a harsh exaggeration but the core concept is true. Papa Pirate signed on with the Air Force the day after getting his draft notice. So long as he was already enlisted in the military he couldn’t be forced into another branch.
Why the Air Force? Did he have a burning desire to become an aviator? Did he want to adopt “Ride of the Valkyries” or “Off We Go Into The Wild Blue Yonder” as his personal anthems?
No. He just wasn’t a fan of getting shot at. He’d had his fill of that growing up being used for target practice by a pair of BB Gun-wielding alcoholic brothers.
One of his then-comrades hadn’t been so lucky. He had a friend who had been there for the outhouse attacks, the days of Tiny Tim, the Next Town Over rumble, and the legendary Trashcan Incident. He had been drafted into the Army and hadn’t made it back out.
Papa Pirate’s name came up in one of the earliest rounds of draft notices. Some of his other friends had already enlisted in the Air Force as a means of getting away from Hometown and doing something with their lives other than farming or laboring at the cotton mill. They encouraged him to follow their example, and it’s a good thing they did.
What happened next isn’t as action-packed and exciting as the earlier installments, I’ll be honest. I could come up with some exciting fiction about fisticuffs and hijinks, but that’s not what this is about. This is just an ongoing story about my dad and all the stuff he’s told me about his life that I thought was cool or funny enough to put in writing.
Anyway, a week before I wrote this I asked him:
Irish Pirate: So was there anyone you had to get even with when you were in the Air Force? Anybody you had to give summer teeth?”
I then had to explain the phrase “summer teeth” (summer over here, summer over there.)
He chuckled and said:
Papa Pirate: No. I kept my head down, minded my own business, and got the hell out.
That’s not to say he didn’t have ANY fun stories, mind you. They just weren’t revenge-y.

Part 1 The Boot Camp Chronicles:

Papa Pirate distinctly remembers the first time his barracks was called to attention by their Military Training Instruct (MTI)—a man whose stature would give heightcels a breath of fresh air. But as they say, furious foul-mouthed balls of hatred come is small packages.
He can’t remember the specifics of the introductory tirade, but apparently Gunnery Sergeant Hartman wasn’t the only Vietnam-Era drill instructor to use racial slurs and profanity as seasoning for his oratory offerings.
Oh, and threats of violence. Can’t forget those.
Apparently one brave soul in Papa Pirate’s new band of brothers had either courage or stupidity enough to say:
Cadet: The recruiting officer said you guys can’t hit us anymore. Not since Korea.
MTI: I’ll bet he told you that you’ll be stationed in Hawii, too.
Cadet: Actually, he said it would be—
Whatever scenic location the cadet had in mind, the world will never know. He caught a tiny fist to the stomach and started making out with the linoleum.
MTI: Well they LIED, boy!
Papa Pirate says he can’t remember if that guy finished boot camp. He wasn’t the sharpest lightbulb in the drawer.
When they were on a marching drill the poor guy kept losing his step. The rest of the platoon (or whatever) allowed their footfalls to be guided by the Grammy-Award winning single “I Left My Wife With Twenty-Four Children In Starving Conditions Without Any Gingerbread Did I do Right? Right? Right” poor Cadet was following along to the tune of “Entry of the Gladiators.”
MTI: (after stopping the march) Cadet! Why the (fork) do you keep losing step?
Cadet: Sir, I’m sorry, sir! I keep getting my right and left mixed up…
MTI: Oh, I’m sorry. Here, let me help you figure it out…
MTI stepped closer and slammed the heel of his size 7 combat boot down on Cadet’s left foot.
Cadet cried out in pain as MTI wagged a finger in his face.
MTI: For the rest of the day, your Left is the one that HURTS.
The poor guy also ended up misplacing his cap a week or so later. Papa Pirate tried to help him find it and didn’t make it back to the foot of his own bed fast enough, and thus earned an equal share in Cadet’s punishment of “Sweeping The Sun Off The Roof.”
I’ll let you use your imagination to see if you can figure out what that entails.
Welcome back. What did you come up with? *pause for answer a la Blue’s Clues* That’s right! Walking around the the mess hall’s hot tin roof until sundown with a splintery wood-handled broom is EXACTLY what that meant! Good job!
This wasn’t the only time he would find himself on the receiving end of a creative punishment, but there was really only one incident he can remember more vividly.
Apparently footlockers are supposed to stay…y’know…locked. That was part of the daily inspection. Papa Pirate was always careful to have the corners of his bed neatly made. The buttons of his shirt and seam of his pants were always neatly aligned. The footlocker in which he kept his personnel effects was always locked.
Until that one time it wasn’t.
MTI: Papa Pirate, why the (fork) is your footlocker unsecured?
Papa Pirate: Sir, I have no excuse, sir!
MTI picked the footlocker up and carried it to the window. I should point out at this point that Papa Pirate’s room wasn’t on the ground floor.
MTI: Well thank you for that. To make sure this doesn’t happen again, I’ve got a little job for you.
MTI upended the footlocker, spilling all of its contents to the ground below.
Papa Pirate groaned internally as his worldly possessions validated Sir Isaac Newton’s speculations.
MTI: Now I want you to go down there and gather your things. Bring them up one piece at a time and put ‘em back in your locker. If you forget to secure it before you head back down you’ll be starting all over again.
This task would take him the entire day. You see, one of the items in his locker was a pickle jar filled with loose change. MTI made it clear that he regarded each coin and shard of glass as “one item.” By the time Papa Pirate was done he had made a solemn vow to himself. Taking inspiration from Scarlett O’Hara, he declared with firm confidence “As God is my witness, I will never leave anything unlocked again.”

Part 2: Viet…Guam?

Once San Antonio was in Papa Pirate’s proverbial rearview mirror he was on his way back home. Not for good, mind you, but for Tech School. He had done well enough on his aptitude test at the time of enlistment that he could have gone into any kind of job other than pilot. The Lord had seen fit to give him astigmatism so as not to bestow upon him the power of an airborne demigod.
Would the war have been over faster if Papa Pirate had been entrusted with an outrageously expensive piece of destructive equipment?
You decide.
Instead, Papa Pirate elected to go into administration.
Papa Pirate: I figured that would give me the best chance of being in an air-conditioned building on a gated base away from the frontline. A lot of those bases were guarded by South Korean troops and the Vietcong knew better than to mess with them.
Irish Pirate: Why?
Papa Pirate: Well, the Koreans didn’t play by the same rules. Or any. When we interrogated someone we just kept asking the same question a little louder each time. When they did interrogations they did it at high altitude with at least two prisoners. The second guy would give answers before the first one hit the ground.
Anyway, Papa Pirate was at tech school working as a typist when his commanding officer approached him with a promotion. One of the departments was falling behind on their work and needed someone that demonstrated the ability to quickly learn new technology.
Airman First Class Pirate spent the better part of the next year learning the ins and outs of a cutting-edge piece of technology that was big enough to fill an Olympic swimming pool.
Some newfangled thing called a “computer.”
By the time 1972 rolled around, Senior Airman Papa Pirate would have been quite content to ride out his last 2 years at a quaint little military base in the good ‘ol US of A. He was learning the ins and outs of computer programming, which apparently involved a punch of paper cards with punchouts or something? He tried explaining it but I just smiled and nodded. My brain doesn’t work quite the same as his. I take more after my mother who is brilliant in her own way and dare I say a paragon of virtue? Well and truly the nicest woman you’ll ever meet?
Unfortunately (or fortunately, depending on how you look at it) he was a bit too good to stay in this time-zone. If e’er someone wanted to poster-ize the phrase “Good Work Is Rewarded With More Work,” then Papa Pirate would be the child from whose face the artist drew inspiration.
Staff Sergeant Pirate packed his bags (all one of them) and eagerly (begrudgingly) made his way across the Pacific. He stopped off for a brief Hawaiian vacation (12-hour nap in a Hickam Field hangar) before taking the last leg of his trip in First Class (strapped into the back of C-7A Caribou with cargo netting). He would spend the next two years in the tropical paradise of Guam. (That part wasn’t sarcastic. Papa Pirate says it was legit nice there.)
Papa Pirate swears there aren’t any good stories about his time in Guam. And I trust him because I can say without exaggeration that I’ve never known the man to tell a single lie about anything other than the existence of certain holiday-based dental and/or stocking based entities.
The friends Papa Pirate made in Guam would usually spend or gamble their pay as quickly as they earned it. Some even hopped a flight to Vietnam itself for a little moonlighting in Saigon on leave. Papa Pirate on the other hand squirreled his earnings away. Each check gave him more money than he had ever been able to call his own before enlisting. As you may recall, he grew up so poor that he had to use pages from the Sears catalogue as toilet paper.
Papa Pirate: The regular pages worked well enough. They were just paper. But you didn’t want end up with one of the glossy ones.
Guam, as Papa Pirate describes it, essentially served as a truck stop between Hawaii and Vietnam. Papa Pirate’s role at the base there was to lead a team of programmers whose job it was to archive maintenance and cargo records for the planes coming through.
Was it glamorous? No.
Did he get shot at a single time? No.
Did they offer him another promotion to reenlist? Yes.
When he was doing his exit interview or whatever it’s called the officer asked if Papa Pirate would be willing to stay on stateside at the rank of Technical Sergeant with the promise of (probably) making Master Sergeant within a year.
Papa Pirate: I think “Brigadier General Pirate” sounds better than “Master Sergeant Pirate.”
His military career then ended with the officer writing “Not willing to re-enlist.”
Papa Pirate returned to civilian life with a uniquely marketable skill. He had a job offer from First Citizens, in fact. Apparently this whole “computer” thing was taking off and banks (among other businesses) saw some practical application for the technology down the road.
He almost accepted the offer, but saw it as risky. Yes, businesses were starting to clamor for people familiar with these massive machines, but private sector employment didn’t offer ironclad job security. Papa Pirate knew how to use the current technology well enough but he had seen how quickly these the technology was growing and evolving. What if it outgrew him? Would he still have a job in ten years if the complexities of it outpaced his ability to learn?
He had been poor his whole life. He didn’t see employment as a route to getting rich. He saw it as a means to a comfortable end. Job security mattered more than job salary to him.
And so he instead he settled for something that was less rigid than the military and more secure than private sector.
He became a government employee. Which agency? I can’t tell you. Even the most prodigious internet stalker doesn’t yet have enough information to pinpoint Papa Pirate’s identify (at least I don’t think they do). This particular bit of information might be that one step too far.
Suffice it to say he remained gainfully employed for decades to come. And no, the technology never outpaced his comprehension.

Part 3 – Marching Powder with a side of Summer Teeth

This last part isn’t really related to Papa Pirate’s military service, but it wouldn’t really be a true Ballad of Papa Pirate story without a healthy dash of fisticuffs, right?
Papa Pirate had an older brother I haven’t mentioned before now. He was old enough to be Papa Pirate’s dad and he was never really an active player in Papa Pirate’s life, so it really didn’t merit mention before now.
Uncle Elder wasn’t the most attentive father to his kids. He had a very “once you’re old enough to tie your shoes I wish you the best of luck” attitude. One of his sons was only a little younger than Papa Pirate and by the end of the 70s had developed a fondness for fermented fluids and pale powders imported from particularly problematic counties in constant conflict on the southern side of the equatorial divide.
To make hyperbolic use of the “Black Sheep” idiom let’s just say that Party Nephew's fleece was of a hue that would make Anish Kapoor start frothing at the mouth and threaten a lawsuit.
Grandpa Pirate’s health was failing. Papa Pirate was helping here and there with the bills, but he now had a wife and daughter so there were limits on how much he could help. Enter Churchfolk, stage left.
Grandpa Pirate’s church collected an offering to provide some financial relief to the Pirate family. It wasn’t a fortune, but it was enough to help offset the loss of Grandpa Pirate’s wages. Or at least it would have been. Charitable donations only help when they make it to the hands of their intended recipients.
No-one had dropped a dollar into the offering plate thinking “Gee, I sure hope this makes it to the liquor store or a drug dealer” but find it to one of those destinations it did. Party Nephew had taken it upon himself to reallocate those funds.
Aside: One of my clinical certifications is specifically related to addiction, so I can understand on a logical level how addiction disrupts neurochemistry to change a person’s priorities. I understand that it’s not as cut and dry as “they’re choosing to do it.” Essentially the neurochemical responsible for telling us to eat, form communities, and procreate is the one that says “you need crack more than oxygen.” That’s about the shortest explanation I can give of it. That said, I can also see how stealing money from your sick grandpa to buy hooch and devil’s dandruff is a (duck) move.
Papa Pirate found out that Party Nephew had taken the money and run. He asked around and was able to follow the trail to a not-too-distant locale: Next-Town-Over.
I don’t know if he found Party Nephew at the same bar that had played host to Booze Brother Beatdown ’67, but I like to think so.
Party Nephew was reveling in his newfound fortune, elevated to a narcotic-induced Nirvana as he sipped the cheapest gutrot the barkeep could offer. He was looking down at the counter thinking
Party Nephew : What a great day to be alive. Hey, that counter looks like it’s getting closer.
The family exile hadn’t expected to be hexed by the expiring restraint of an extremely vexed (not exactly) ex-boxer who wasn’t exactly ecstatic about his extortion.
Papa Pirate hadn’t bothered announcing his arrival. Instead he silently reflected on his youthful pastime of playing basketball and yielded control to muscle memory, thus bouncing Party Nephew noggin off the bar.
Party Nephew : *recovering on the floor* What the (fudge)…Papa Pirate?
Papa Pirate: Where is it?
Party Nephew : Where’s what?
Papa Pirate: You know good and (darn) well ‘what.’ The money. Where is the MONEY?
Party Nephew : *trying to wipe cheap whiskey off his shirt* You made me spill my drink…
Papa Pirate: *gripping Party Nephew by the collar of his shirt* I’ll spill more than that if you don’t tell me where the money is!
Party Nephew reached into his pocket and produced a few crumpled bills. It was less than a tenth of what had been collected. He had blown through most of it in the course of a single afternoon.
No-one moved to help Party Nephew as Papa Pirate rearranged his face. It had been years since Papa Pirate had bloodied his knuckles, but Grandpa Pirate didn’t have the longest forecast to begin with and this blatant theft could cut that strand of fate even shorter. Each punch thrown carried a drop of the fear and sadness Papa Pirate had been holding back. The barrage finally ended when Papa Pirate stopped to catch his breath. The barely recognizable lump of flesh staring up at him gave a nonverbal, whimpering plea for mercy.
Papa Pirate stood up and grabbed Party Nephew by his long-overdue-for-a-trim hair. The bruised and battered burglar blubbered as he bumbled along behind. Papa Pirate was entirely unconcerned about how it must have looked to passersby. Someone had already called the law back at the bar. By the time the responding officer had taken the report and returned to the station, Papa Pirate would be waiting for him.
Papa Pirate dragged his nervous and inebriated ne’er-do-well nephew to the counter and held him in place with a firm grip on the back of the bleeding boy’s belt. He was fully prepared to confess to the assault and accept the punishment that came with it.
Desk Officer: Holy (smokes)! What happened?
Party Nephew: *finally able to form words through his busted lips* He beat the (snot) out of me!
Sheriff Matt: *walking in behind them* I would, too.
Matt’s star had lost the word “deputy” at some point over the last decade. When he heard about the disturbance he hazarded a guess as to who had been involved.
Papa Pirate explained the situation. Matt listened intently. Party Nephew wet himself.
In the end, Party Nephew spent some recovery time in the county jail. Papa Pirate went home to ice his knuckles.
I’d like to say that this was the last time addiction would plague Papa Pirate’s family, but…well…much like the titular protagonist of our saga, I don’t want to lie.

Outro

I’m writing this paragraph last, but it’s not the last one of the post. I scrolled back up to write this out before hitting “submit.” I spent half an hour trying to come up with a limerick or two like I normally do. If you’ve read/listened to the other parts you know I like to try to summarize the story in a couple of lighthearted bits of poetry. I can’t do that this time. The words aren’t coming to me. Even if they did, it would feel like laughing at a funeral (which might work for the Barenaked Ladies, but not for me.) The next few paragraphs are incredibly heavy. Heavier than the Tragedy of Tiny Tim. Redd, I know you always say “I have to read it” but I’m telling you right now, you’re not obligated to. If you choose to, then I’m telling anyone listening that you might want to just cut it off here. Pretend the last page of this story was just me talking about different whitling techniques and why a pair of stop-cuts are superior to a single v-cut in my opinion. Anyway…here goes.
I mentioned my sister once and only once when I was writing the Star Wars Shenanigans saga. I didn’t exactly give her a flattering description. In hindsight I really wish I hadn’t made light of what I—at the time—saw as a ridiculous situation. I don’t know why I’m ending this on such a down note. As I was typing this all out it just sort of…happened. I could highlight this, hit ‘delete’ and move on without a word. But…I don’t want to.
My sister struggled with addiction for most of her adult life. She died earlier this year. Papa Pirate has always been my hero. Even moreso than Brandon Sanderson, and that’s saying a lot for anyone that knows me. Even into adulthood I’ve always just seen him as some adamantium-skinned superhero. Impervious to harm. Limitless in his strength. Unshakeable.
This year has been hard on him. I’ve never seen him so hurt. So vulnerable. He’s started talking more about things. A lot of these stories have come up when I’ve gone to visit and just sit with him. He’s currently reading some chapters I’ve written for a book I want to get published. We’ve been watching Rings of Power together when it airs (those of you who read/listened to the Tragedy of Tiny Tim will know the significance of that.) I finally feel like I can repay a sliver of what he’s done for me over the past thirty-seven years. I wish I could do more for him.
I wish I had done more for her.
If you’re struggling with addiction, or you even think you MIGHT have a problem, please get help. Please reach out to someone. The sad reality is that you might have burned bridges with the support system you WANT, but that doesn’t mean support isn’t out there somewhere.
If you have a loved one struggling with addiction, take that call. You don’t have to give them money. You don’t have to believe them when they say “I mean it this time.” But I can tell you that you don’t want your last thread of contact with someone to be a text message that says “Please call dad.” You don’t want to have a voicemail of “Hey, give me a call when you get a chance” to be a constant reminder of the fact that you let it go to voicemail. You don’t want to spend the rest of your life wondering “What would have happened if I had picked up?”
I’m sorry for ending the story like this. I really am. And again, I know how easy it would be for me to highlight this whole last section, hit a single key, and pretend I didn’t write it. And maybe this isn’t the right place to air it. Hell, I’m sure it isn’t. But…well. Maybe it is. I don’t know. And I have no intention of going back to edit this. These are my thoughts. This is stream of thought. This is the closest you’ll get to reading my mind. Having fun yet?
I’m just now realizing as I put this in text that I’m not okay.

Addiction sucks. Don’t give up. Please.

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2022.02.19 07:56 maltabunny I need some help on coping with anxiety throughout this process.

Ive only been trying to conceive for 3 months. I just didn’t think it would even take this long. (Was under the impression that it doesn’t take months for two younger healthy individuals). With anything I want, i get a little over ambitious and obsessive. I want results instantly and i know I absolutely cannot work like that in this department of life. I was so under the impression that having unprotected sex would just make it happen. I didn’t know all about ovulation, temping, etc, but it has allowed me to learn so much about my body and I am thankful for that. Sometimes I enjoy the phases of ttc. I enjoy the intimacy it has brought my partner and I. I really do feel so much closer to him, and he has been a HUGE rock to me this whole process. This man deserves a gold medal and a planet named after him for how amazing, patient, and supportive he has been to my annoyingly anxious ass. (Hey, that was good alliteration). He even got me the Ava bracelet for Valentine’s Day to show me how serious he is about this (I’d tell him sometimes I don’t think he takes it as seriously as me even though he totally is, he just has such a calm demeanor about everything). In addition, he got me a trip to Hawaii next week that I normally would be going crazy for but it’s almost like I can’t find the energy to even plan it properly. This is what I’m talking about.. my normal life and habits have become colorless and bleak during this whole process. With each passing month, I get more and more frightened, and increasingly more dull about the world around me. I’m so bent on becoming pregnant, as more time goes on, that I can’t even focus on anything else, even an awesome trip to paradise with the love of my life.
I go through phases where I try to hold it together, and I manage to, but other times I fail. I have anxiety attacks every so often that I am not pregnant, and feel like it’s such a struggle to do anything because I have absolutely no control over this situation. I just want to be pregnant. I know it takes time and patience. I just need a way to combat this anxiety during the process because I feel like the added stress isn’t doing me or my body any favors. It just feels like poison. Anyone have any suggestions on ttc with anxiety? Thank you for your help.

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2021.02.18 06:35 MyLifeHurtsRightNow It's okay to take a break from "good habits".

I'm writing this for myself just as much as I'm writing this for y'all. All my miscellaneous thoughts that I want to share go here because it is, in my experience, a very kind and loving sub. Good habits, like reading every day and staying off your phone at night, are amazing for your mental health...most of the time. I've made a New Year's resolution to read and write every day. I want to finish writing my novel by next fall and want to read 30 books by the end of the year. I always leave my phone in the kitchen at night, so as to give my brain some mindful time both in going to sleep and waking up. I try to watch tv not too much, as I feel that it is wasteful. I grew up with work-ethic crazed parents, and it's super hard for me to stop working, stop being an efficiency machine. "Wow, that's a wonderful thing. You must be very productive." No, it is not wonderful, and yes, it is productive. I'm often touted as a great student and worker, but it's mostly at the expense of life's joys. Whatever, another conversation for another day.
Anywho. I'm currently snowed/iced in, which has put a few dents in my securities. I can't get to the gym, which is causing a lot of stress. My eating habits are getting particularly bad (I chewed and spat a box of valentine's chocolates today). Body image thoughts are distracting me from my online work. I can't get to work work, which would help me stop eating so much (and give me some human interaction).
I've found myself vegging a lot. I've been falling asleep with my phone in my hands because I can't do my daily sudoku without voices shouting in my head about how unlovable I am. I have skipped reading and writing the past few days to browse Reddit, which is a bit of a task since I deleted it from my phone several months ago (I do it on my laptop). I feel horrid about it. I feel so unproductive. Days absolutely wasted. Days I'll never get back. I have an app that helps me keep track of all my daily habits, and the fact that I broke both my writing and reading streak made me super upset. Plus, I really love writing and am so excited about my novel. I pour my heart and soul into weaving together worlds and characters and intertwining story arcs. I find purpose amongst the hundreds of thousands of words at my disposal, words able to capture even the most minute eye movements and breathing moments. Yet, right now, I can't bring myself to do it. I fear that it will never be done. It's been an offhand personal project for over a year now, I'd work on it whenever, but now, I feel as though the concept may be good enough for a published book! But perhaps I'll never finish it. Maybe it will be merely a sad half-finished unsound story left to erode in the depths of my google docs.
I think I am going to sit it out. Whip out the ol' (frankly loathsome) DBT skills and practice distress tolerance. I'm going to put on a Disney movie and paint my nails. Is it productive? No. Is it commendable? No. Will it make me loveable? No. Am I even good at it? No. Do I enjoy it? I think so. I'm not actually sure. I'm not used to enjoying things for the sake of enjoying things. Enjoying moments for the sake of those moments, rather than for the sake of what they'll look like from tomorrow.
It's okay to live life like (immaculate assonance + alliteration, I'll say) a kayak on the river. It seems as though you've already got your vessel into a river headed toward your goals. You paddle as hard as you can, trying to get to your desired destination as fast as possible. You get sore, but that pain means progress, right? No pain, no gain, baybee. It means steps closer to your perfect dock. Some days, your muscles ache terribly, and you're unsure if you can even keep rowing. Just let the river take you. You're in the river for a reason; I mean, if you didn't want help, you could have just walked, ffs. Just let the river be your friend.
I don't know what the fuck that terrible pos metaphor was. Word vomit, blec. I think that I'm trying to say that life should happen organically. Sure, we can incorporate good habits and practices, but we should let joy come to us. Let time take the wheel and notice that we've made it this far. Note the scenery. Is it ugly? Is it pretty? Is it scary? Where are we? Have we passed other people without noticing? I hope that I coherently relayed at least part of the wisdom I believe I have arrived at. It's pretty late at night, right now. I just can't sleep and wanted to share with other people.
TL;DR It's okay to veg out. It's okay to stop working. It doesn't make you a bad person. It doesn't mean that your goals will never happen. You can take care of yourself in unproductive and arbitrary ways and be successful, productive, and healthy (dialectics, baby).
Edit: Also, if any of you know of a good Disney movie, please comment. There are way too many to choose from.

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2021.01.13 03:38 FEshippingBot A Purple Puff and Orange Oaf Walk into a Tea Parlor (or why the narrator needs a break)

Read here
by Codename_Mallory_Grace
Greetings, dear reader. As the narrator of this tender, yet tomfoolery-filled tale, it is also the narrator’s duty to apologize for using well-worn tropes. Yet, it is the nature of such dramatic creatures that certain dramatic elements will naturally reoccur. If, dear reader, you can forgive use of such fun, yet foolish tropes, then by all means, let the tale begin in earnest.
Lorenz and Ferdinand are pining fools, to point of causing pain in the other, their friends, and more importantly, the poor narrator for how blind the other is in their love for certain gentlemen.
Words: 4302, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English
Series: Part 11 of various stand-alone Ferdinand/Hubert fics

Fandoms: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Categories: M/M
Characters: Ferdinand von Aegir, Lorenz Hellman Gloucester, Hubert von Vestra, Claude von Riegan, Hilda Valentine Goneril (mentioned)/works), Dorothea Arnault (mentioned)/works)
Relationships: Ferdinand von Aegir &Lorenz Hellman Gloucester, Lorenz Hellman GloucesteClaude von Riegan, Ferdinand von AegiHubert von Vestra
Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Mutual Pining, But Make It Stupid, Tea Parties, an attempt at a Lemony Snicket-esque Narrator, POV Third Person Omniscient, Narrator as a Character, Friendship, Friendship is calling out friends for pining while not recognizing you're pining too, Lorenz's Poetry, probably purple prose, A lot of alliterations, ferdinand and lorenz are determined to say in the victorian era, or whatever the fodlan equivalent is, Breaking the Fourth Wall, Not Beta Read
Read here
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2021.01.03 16:14 sailorfish27 I read a book a day for the past two weeks - Mini-reviews!

Ok, I skipped two days for Christmas. Anyway, I thought it might be interesting to put them all together: most are under 300 pages, so if you're looking for short reads to start off the year... (As for “why” - I had the two weeks off and was scared I’d end up wasting them scrolling through my phone, so. 😂)

Earthlings by Sayaka Murata, translated from Japanese. 247p. A book about a woman so alienated by society, she imagines herself to be an alien, removed from humans. I picked this book up because I heard it had a real “wtf” ending, and it did NOT disappoint! Really enjoyed it. It’s v heavy though, look up the content warnings before you go in.
A Children’s Bible by Lydia Millet. 224p. A group of kids whose parents took them to a summer retreat end up facing apocalyptic climate change. Hm, I don’t know about this one! The Bible references were interesting to me, but I’m not a fan of this recent trend of “how will the rich deal with climate change” lol. (Ok maybe it’s not a trend, but I’ve read 2 books about climate change in 2019 and they both focused on liberal, well-off people.)
Where the Wild Ladies Are by Aoko Matsuda, t.f. Japanese. 288p. An interlinked collection of feminist stories retelling traditional Japanese ghost stories. I thought this book would be a lot scarier and/or angrier. Instead, I mostly got happier, softer takes on the original stories. I really enjoyed it - it feels fresh compared to the way most English-language feminist retellings go.
The Trojan War Museum and Other Short Stories by Ayse Papatya Bucak. 210p. A collection of various short stories, focusing on Turkish people and Turkish-Americans; many of the stories have an element of fantasy. I enjoyed it! I think some of them were a liiittle overwritten (aka trying to add in a profound sentence when not adding it would sound better imo). But overall, a lot of interesting ideas.
The Living Mountain by Nan Shepherd. 114p. Nature writing, focused on a Scottish mountain range. I’d never read anything like this before - my non-fiction reading tends towards history/facts. This is just like… descriptions of the feelings, air, water, nature on a mountain. I loved it. I wanna reread it while hiking in my own hills.
Djinn City by Saad Hossain. 413p. Set in Bangladesh, a half-djinn, half-human kid runs into trouble with the djinn side of the family; his human family tries to save him. I love Hossain’s books - they have this crazy energy that no others can match. Having said that, this book started off strong but ended up disappointing me in the end - nothing’s really wrapped up and there’s no sequel :( If you wanna try a Hossain book, I’d start with Escape from Baghdad!, a fantasy book about two Iraqis trying to get out of American-occupied Baghdad. It deserves its exclamation mark lmao.
Devil in Winter by Lisa Kleypas. 368p. Historical romance about a young woman trying to get away from her abusive family by marrying a duke! Look I started watching Bridgerton over Christmas and craved some marriage-of-convenience shenanigans. Unfortunately it kinda disappointed - I remember almost nothing about the book other than its terrible othering of a Romani side-character. The heroine had a stutter, which is cool though.
Luck Be a Lady by Meredith Duran. 368p. Try 2 for historical romance with marriage-of-convenience shenanigans, this time with the love interest being a gangster lmao. This one I really enjoyed until around 80% in, when the love interest’s fear for the protagonist’s well-being overrode her will and this was considered ok by the narrative. I don’t find that romantic, just infuriating.
Prometheus Bound by Aeschylus, t.f. Ancient Greek lol. ~40p. Greek tragedy play about Prometheus, who defied Zeus to help humans by giving them the gift of fire, being chained to a boulder. This play is so bizarre - it’s mostly just Prometheus seething about how Zeus is a tyrant and the fucking worst. I’d love to see how the fuck it should be staged. Anyway if you’ve never read a Greek tragedy before, this might be an interesting one to start with. Who doesn’t like a play that ends with: “Majesty of my mother Earth/bright sky that lets the common light whirl round/you see me here, and see my lot: injustice.”
Frankenstein in Bahgdad by Ahmed Saadawi, t.f. Arabic. 281p. In US-occupied Baghdad, a man builds a monster out of the human parts left behind from explosions and street battles; the monster seeks revenge for each of its body parts. This book is grim. I enjoyed it, and what it had to say about vengeance, but I feel like it just didn’t go the extra step from a great book to an amazing one.
Beowulf: A New Translation by Maria Dahvana Headley, t.f. Old English lol. 140p. This translation of Beowulf modernises the language, so it feels like some guy at the bar is telling you an epic story over some beers. I love MDH, but I couldn’t quite get into this one. I do always appreciate a more punchy translation of an old epic but eh. Still, contains some neat alliterations - I’m a big fan of alliteration lol.
Snow, Dog, Foot by Claudio Morendini, t.f. Italian. 128p. Title says it all: an old man living alone on a mountain during winter, the stray dog he picks up and threatens to eat if the supplies get low, and a foot. This one was odd! Both lighter and grimmer than I expected. I think this book will hit especially hard for anybody with older relatives who have dementia.
The Girls at the Kingfisher Club by Genevieve Valentine. 277p. Historical reimagining of the Twelve Dancing Princesses fairytale set in New York in the Roaring 20s. This was my first book of 2021 and it was a fantastic way to start the year off! Lots of sisterhood feelings, fun setting, a bit of romance. Great light-hearted read.
Strange Beasts of China by Yan Ge, t.f. Chinese. 314p. Set in a fictional Chinese city, where “beasts” (almost-human creatures with some fantastical ability) live alongside humans. This book is really melancholic, bordering on depressing. Each chapter focuses on a different beast and rarely ends happily. It’s a beautiful book, but to be honest I feel like I need to read some discussions or interpretations of it - I don’t know enough about China to feel like I truly “got” everything myself.
This Is How You Lose the Time War by Amal El-Mohtar & Max Gladstone. 209p. Sci-fi - two agents on opposing sides slip through worlds as they manipulate timelines, leave letters for each other, and fall in love. Man, I wish I liked this book but it just didn’t work for me. I enjoy flowery prose, but this just felt like a long list of similes and synonyms. I do like Amal El-Mohtar’s short stories though, so check those out instead maybe haha.

Have you read any of them? Thoughts? If anybody has any recs for me, particularly for non-English language literature, I’d be super happy too! I’m taking a break from one-book-a-day reading for now, but I hope I can continue the habit of reading a bit each day in 2021. :)

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2020.01.26 04:03 mialbowy Prince, You Mustn't Fall in Love with Me! [Part 39]

Part 1 Part 40
Once the rush of “achieving my goal” subsides, I’m left staring at Trissy with doubt in my heart. Would it have been better for me to simply hug her and tell her that I love her? I mean, I don’t, so I didn’t want to do something insincere and misleading.
While I care for her, it’s not the same as love to me. Seeing that someone’s happy makes me feel happy, seeing someone sad makes me feel sad, love not as simple as caring for her. Rather, it’s proactively making someone happy. I’ll go out of my way to make Violet happy without her asking, not out of pity or seeking favours or wanting her to think better of me. I’ll think of her at odd times, find courage or motivation in wanting to meet her expectations of me.
Trissy, though, I love her like I love cute things and adorable girls, a shallow love that has nothing behind it. Sort of a borrowed love. Like, Jemima and Belle, I love them as my friends and I would happily do so much for them, but I wouldn’t keep loving them if we “broke up”, not like I kept loving Violet for those three years.
However, I am trying to love Trissy. This is how I do it. I take two steps forward, let her push me one step back. You know, I was the sort of girl who picks scabs, am still unrefined and shameless. I like to say unexpected things to see what faces people make, make them laugh and blush and show me the expressions they don’t show to anyone else. Yet I try not to be reckless, try to be thoughtful and compassionate, try not to act for my own amusement at the expense of others.
But right now, am I helping or hurting her?
Knowing better than to try and understand someone I barely know, I lower my head, let that prideful smile turn solemn. “See, you can say it clearly.”
She gives no reply.
When I look up again, her posture has lost some of the tension, not so guarded. Ah, but, she wasn’t careful lifting up her knees, so I’d be treated to quite the sight if I ducked my head. Let’s not do that (even if her reaction would be incredibly amusing). She’s clearly still upset with me. Angry? Betrayed? Who knows.
I don’t feel like I should apologise; I don’t regret my actions and her reaction is what I expected. That said, I do feel like I should give her an explanation—a full one.
My gaze settling on the table beside her, I say, “It really touched me that you said you were afraid of disappointing me. What hurts me is when my friends are distant, so I’m glad you told me, that you trusted me enough to share your feelings with me.”
Before I start rambling, I pause for a moment to collect my thoughts.
“I know you’re not perfect. You have parts of yourself that you dislike or want to change, and you sometimes say the wrong thing, or make mistakes. It’s the same for me, for everyone. I hope that, eventually, you trust me enough to show me that side of you and, rather than you worrying about it alone, we laugh together.”
Memories flicker in my mind. One that stands out, Violet accidentally shoved me over into a puddle (no doubt I deserved the push and then I lost my footing). When she went to help me up, I pulled her in as well, the two of us thoroughly ruining our dresses amidst our squeals of laughter. I think that was her third or fourth visit, about a year after our first meeting.
“We can argue and upset each other and still be friends. I won’t hate you over little things, and I hope you won’t hate me either. I want you to be honest with me, to tell me off when I annoy you, to tease me back or otherwise have fun when we’re together.”
Moving my gaze to her face, the expression there isn’t easy to read, her emotions hidden behind a blank look.
“What do you say?” I ask.
It takes a while, some two or three minutes, before she comes to her decision. Slowly, she lowers her feet back to the ground and straightens out her dress. There’s a different air about her. Without all that tension, she looks soft, and her comfort is easily mistaken for confidence, making her seem less fragile. The paleness of her skin (with no hint of a blush) also adds to her beauty, a stark contrast with her eyes.
I can’t help but wonder how many people have seen her look like this.
“Okay,” she says, that word quiet but clear.
I smile softly, and then a thought comes to me. “May I braid your hair?” I ask, getting to my feet.
Like she’s a calm pond, my words send a ripple through her, yet she quickly settles. “You may.”
It only takes a few steps to get around my room, collecting my hairbrush and a ribbon. Brushing her hair, it’s nice—sleek and smooth, no knots. I soon move on to the braiding, and I talk to her as I do.
“My friend did this for me the other day, and I really liked how it looked,” I say.
Just like Helena, I carefully braid Trissy’s streak—a thick strip of black amidst blonde hair. I won’t give her a whole makeover or do anything with the rest of her hair, but I think this is good. However, I do it entirely by hand (no magic) as I casually talk with her.
“Did you have the writing exam today as well?” I ask.
She tries to nod, stopping herself as soon as she feels her hair pull; I silently giggle. “I did,” she says, still in a quiet but clear voice.
I guess everyone does use the Rose class’s timetable for exams. “Do you like the writing classes more or less than the literature ones?” I ask.
So it goes, my meandering questions never quite following on directly, but she answers them, gradually becoming more talkative. After a couple of minutes, she even starts asking me similar questions back.
“What dessert do you like most?” she asks.
“Ah, at school… I would say the mousses.”
She makes a little sound of agreement, and then asks, “And outside of school?”
It’s funny, she has probably picked up all the skills she needs from talking with Lady Ashford and the third friend (whose name I still don’t know). “When I was young, a maid at my estate had a pound cake recipe I’m very fond of. Oh, but, my father also brought back a treat during winter break. It’s called ice-cream and is like sweet milk that’s been frozen, more creamy than a sorbet.”
She laughs, the delicate titters reminding me of birdsong. “You sound so happy talking about desserts.”
“Wait until you see me eating them,” I say.
Her laughter returns.
Despite braiding rather leisurely, I can only delay the inevitable. To keep the braid secure, I use a small slip of pink ribbon, neatly tying it into a bow. When I take a step back, I’m happy with the choice of colour. Even without lipstick, her lips are a rather nice colour and I matched it.
Offering her a hand, she takes it without question and I help her up, leading her towards the bathroom; rather then entering, I just open the door for the full-length mirror there. (The mirror on my desk is good for makeup, but bigger is better for this.) Her hair is long and she brings the braid in front of her shoulder. She looks at it in the mirror, and then holds it in front of her face, closely inspecting it.
“Do you like it? I think it really emphasises the contrast like this,” I say, peeking at her reflection over her shoulder (an easy thing to do with our height difference).
Her eyes hold a lot of emotion, but I can’t tell which. “It would look nicer… if it was a prettier colour, wouldn’t it?”
Ah. I smile, and I carefully move her braid from the side to the back, nudge her so she turns at an angle. After a couple of brushes with my fingers, I have her hair in a ponytail, the braid tucked underneath.
“How is this? It’s like a shadow, still there yet it doesn’t draw attention,” I say.
It’s a bit awkward for her to see (especially since I have to keep hold of her hair, no ribbon to tie the ponytail), but her expression looks better. “I like this more, I think,” she says.
“Do you use makeup?” I ask. I can tell she does, but I want her to talk more.
“Um, just powder,” she says.
I let down her hair and nudge her to face forwards again. Without going into much detail, I share some secrets: a few moisturisers I recommend (it’s not like you can pop down to the pharmacy and see all the big brands there, what you can buy very regional), how to use concealer, and I suggest some colours for lipstick and eyeshadow. It’s quite funny, clearly something she’s interested in but has been too afraid to ask about before.
Then I move on to fashion—what colours she likes to wear, accessories. We’ve moved to my wardrobe during that discussion and I show her some of my handmade dresses.
“Oh they’re so beautiful! And you did it all yourself?” she asks, elegantly squatting down to inspect the branch embroidered across the waist of my green dress.
“Well, I bought the fabric and thread,” I say.
With my focus on dresses recently, I haven’t thought much of my (many) handkerchiefs, but her compliments remind me and I show them to her, offering for her to choose one for herself. In the end, she selects the one with a tortoiseshell cat. (Fictional that cats may be in this world, they seem to still be cute.)
From there, we both end up sitting on my bed and I let the conversation open up, her near-crippling shyness long forgotten. That’s not to say she speaks perfectly—she often pauses or uses a filler word when her mouth gets ahead of her brain—but there’s not a timidness to her voice or a reluctance to share her thoughts.
Eventually, it comes to Evan (as she’s curious after meeting him). After a couple of questions, I turn it around and ask, “Are there any lords in your class who have caught your eye?”
Despite my light-hearted intentions, she quickly closes up at my words, her expression gloomy. “No,” she says simply.
I’m not so blind to think she has a crush, but it’s clear there’s something. “Then is there one whose eye you’ve caught?”
Her eyes glisten, yet she doesn’t turn away from me when she lowers her head. “Maybe. He… comes to talk to me, but….”
I wait, only finishing her sentence when it really looks like she won’t. “You feel like he’s just making fun of you?”
She gently nods her head.
Sitting right next to her, I easily loop my arm around her far shoulder and lightly hug her. “Okay, so, when he talks to you next, just start crying. You’re so cute that everyone will think he’s bullying you and rush over to protect you.”
She giggles, some of her poor mood washed away.
“Lady Ashford is in my class, but is your other friend with you?” I ask.
She nods her head.
That’s good; it’s important to have friends because it can be hard to care about yourself when it comes to some things.
Before I can ask my next question, there’s a knock on the door. This time, I feel like evening tea must be an hour late—or is it that my friends and I all retired an hour early tonight?
“Oh, I should go,” she says, quickly getting to her feet.
“Did you have fun?” I ask.
She stops halfway to the door, and turns around to give me a bright smile. “I don’t know, but I feel… lighter.”
Well, I guess that’s good enough.
It’s only after Trissy leaves that I wonder if she actually came to revise for the geometry exam tomorrow. Oh well.
We have two exams on Thursday, and then two more on Friday. Dance is our last lesson, but it’s still exam week and so is cancelled, but we don’t have any more exams to study for, so we’re let out early in a pleasant surprise. While the days are decently long now, it’s nice to be out in the warmer hour and I go on a long walk with my friends. Past the flower garden and the cricket pitch, around where we had the picnic, we slow down to a stop and fondly reminisce of that day like it was far longer ago than just two weeks.
I’m hoping to use the time until the end of term to get closer to my friends. Something like the evening I had with Trissy. When we spend every day together, it’s easy to get lost in talking about school and other shallow things, just passing time.
So, when the conversation dies down, I say, “We should have a slumber party.” Ellie would have called it a sleepover, but “slumber” sounds posher, right?
“Oh, what is that?” Helena asks, curious.
Somewhat incredulous, Violet says, “A party where we sleep?”
I smile to myself, a dozen thoughts grinding away as I follow the consequence of my imagined plans. Not wanting to keep them in suspense, I don’t think for too long. “Well, I would ask the maids to bring several duvets to my room, and we would make a large bed on the floor, and we would stay up late talking until we all fall asleep.”
“So we would be in our nightwear?” Violet asks.
Leaning close to her, I loudly whisper, “If you wish to sleep au naturel, I shan’t say anything, but I’m unsure if the others are so open-minded.”
Of course, the others-in-question hear me and laugh. That Violet doesn’t give me a shove makes me feel like I’ve got away with it.
“Are you still a fitful sleeper? I merely worry what state you may be in come morning,” she says.
Never mind.
Not one to sit back and lick my wounds, I clap my hands and say, “I was thinking, you know the kit we wear for calisthenics? If made from a different fabric, wouldn’t it be pleasant nightwear? No more cold ankles when popping to the loo.”
Everyone laughs again, Helena and Jemima glancing around. Jemima chides me, saying, “Speaking like that in public,” and finishes with a tut.
“My apologies, I forgot men aren’t to know that there’s more than just a mirror in our lavatories,” I say, bowing my head.
Helena giggles and gives me arm a light slap. “You are just incorrigible,” she says.
Violet sighs. “Truly, she is.”
It’s finally my turn to laugh; no one knows me as well as Violet.
While we’ve all become distracted, Belle shares what she’s been thinking. “Would we even all fit?”
I think for a moment, and then say, “The bed is wide enough for two, and there should be space for three on the floor.”
“Two people in the same bed is a bit…” she says.
It’s quite funny that that’s her hang-up and not the three people on the floor. Rather than me defending it, Jemima perks up and says, “Ooh, what if we have a pillow at each end? That way you wouldn’t be beside each other.”
“Wouldn’t you have feet in your face, then?” Helena asks, frowning.
“if we put the shortest two in the bed…” Jemima says.
So we end up in a logistical discussion, and I’m sure the only thing stopping Violet from drawing out a sketch of the floor plan (to scale, obviously) is that she doesn’t think to do so. When everything is worked out and vigorously cross-examined, I bring up the question I really should have started with.
“Everyone is… comfortable with the idea?” I ask.
Really, sleepovers are a very strange thing for noble daughters. I never even dared to ask Violet before because I know how weird it is. Privacy, personal space, boundaries are all central parts of the culture. I mean, my manor has several rooms to entertain guests depending on how close they are to my family—from strangers, to acquaintances and friends, to family and those like family (and my father’s office has an attached room for business guests).
Like, if there was a shortage of rooms, I think Violet wouldn’t mind sharing, but, as it is, I think she’d rather just talk with me until late and then go back to sleep. That’s reasonable and I understand, hence why I haven’t brought it up before.
So that we’ve spent the last few minutes going through the details surprises me. I thought I might as well ask, maybe coax them a bit, putting the idea in their head and trying again another time. I guess the room sharing at Queen Anne’s may have softened them up?
Helena answers first. “Oh yes, it sounds like such fun.”
“The lounge doesn’t feel all that private,” Jemima says, nodding. “It would be nice to talk about certain things.”
Belle rolls her eyes. “Like the lords?”
Jemima grins, but says nothing.
With those three tacitly agreeing, I turn to Violet, and I see her less sure. I really don’t want to pressure her into it, but I would hate for her to not join us. “Is there something worrying you?” I softly ask her.
She awkwardly looks to the side.
Before anyone else can say anything, I say, “This weekend would be too soon, but what about the last Friday? Wouldn’t that make a good end to the term?”
Everyone quickly agrees but for Violet. Having loitered in this area for a while now, I suggest going back to see the flower gardens, and so we start walking again. I wait for the others to go first, lingering to join Violet at the back, giving her hand a quick squeeze.
While she stays distant and doesn’t say anything, the rest of us keep a cheerful and chatty mood and give her space. They’re good at that—they were very considerate of me when I was getting used to being part of a group.
After some flower viewing, we wander the long way around the main building back to our dormitory, passing the rest of the afternoon and evening as we usually do before retiring to our rooms. When my tea comes, I ask the maid a few questions to see if a sleepover is feasible, and her answers are promising.
Although I wait, hoping Violet will come, she doesn’t.
The next morning, I make my prompt exit into town. Violet does weigh heavily on my mind, but I know there’s nothing I can do right now, so I don’t let it sour my mood. Instead, I fill my mind with thoughts of Iris, Lottie, and Gwen.
Coming to Lottie’s house, I go to knock… except it’s noisy. I hesitate while I try to make out what I can hear, but the voices are muffled and unfamiliar, all I can tell that the people speaking are fairly young. I shortly give up and knock, and instantly a hush falls.
Light footsteps scurry over inside. “Hullo, Gwen,” I say before she asks.
The door clicks and opens. “Ellie!” she says, diving into me like usual.
Rather than our usual pleasantries, she’s quick to drag me inside. There, I’m greeted to several spying eyes around the doorway to the lounge—and not Lottie or Iris’s. “Good morning,” I say to them.
They giggle and hide.
Turning to Gwen, I ask, “Your friends?”
She grins at me, cheeks puffing out. “Yeah!”
Taking another look around, I spot Lottie in the kitchen. Once I hang up my coat and give my feet a little scrub on the mat, I go see her first, no sign of Iris there. “Busy, are we?”
Lottie gives a shallow chuckle, mouth behind her mug. “Somewhat.”
Satisfied that I’ve spoken enough to her mother, Gwen grabs my hand and starts tugging me towards the lounge. “Come on, mama said you would help us,” she says.
I manage one last look at Lottie and see a terribly smug smile on her face. “Did she now?”
“Yes!” Gwen says, her tone rather insistent.
So I end up in the lounge with four little girls (including Gwen) and a little boy staring at me. Their eyes are full of expectation. I clear my throat. “Well, I’m Ellie. A pleasure to make your acquaintances,” I say, lightly curtseying.
They all giggle at that. One by one, I single them out with a look and ask their names, starting with Gwen. Thus I find these friends of hers are: Ali, Hetty, Lucy, Jessie (the girls) and Danny (the boy and the very one who liked the Valentine’s Card Gwen made, if I remember correctly).
With introductions done, I turn to Gwen and ask, “What exactly is it I’m helping with?”
She pouts for a moment, her brow furrowed in thought, and then she breaks into an, “Ah!” and nods her head. “We have to write a storwy, and mama said you’re good at making up storwies.”
I can’t say she’s wrong.
“Is it for Sunday school?” I ask.
They nod in a disjointed mess.
Okay, then it should probably be a fable. As a reader, I’m not that fond of overly moralistic stories; when the author writes to prove a point, it’s inevitably boring to discuss. Take Romeo and Juliet—most people think it’s a tragic love story, and then there’s people who argue that it’s mocking angsty teenage love, while I go all the way and think of it as a celebration of how teenagers can literally love something enough to be willing to die to protect it. Yet how (un)interesting would it be if they were both twenty-something and happily married at the end?
Anyway, the task at hand. “What animals are your favourites? Everyone pick one, and then give it a funny name, okay?”
“Rabbit!” Hetty says.
I smile, nodding.
“Frog,” Gwen mumbles, writing it down.
Lucy chooses a mouse, and Jessie an owl. Danny, a shy thing, quietly says, “Butterfly.”
I see Lucy and Hetty give him a strange look, but they don’t say anything. Leaving that for now, I clap my hands to get their attention, and say, “Now the names. Make sure they alliterate—that means, your rabbit’s name should start with a ‘r’ sound,” I say, directing the latter half to Hetty. I go through the others to check and then we have another round of answers.
From there, it starts to get tricky. I wheedle out some “morals” by asking them what things their parents or teachers have told them to do, or what things they should do to be a good friend. Once we have ten in total, they choose one each for their story.
Iris arrives at this time, but I can only spare her a wave and a smile before I go back to the children, helping them come up with the events they’ll write about. Just something like: Rosy Rabbit lost her lunch, so Minnie Mouse shared a sandwich with her. (Disney wouldn’t sue a seven-year-old girl in a parallel universe, would they?)
When they’re finally all settled and writing, I go through to greet Iris, leaning down to give her a light hug as she sits at the table. My greeting for Lottie cut short earlier, I exchange a few pleasantries with her as well.
But there’s a hint of laughter on her lips and I eventually ask, “Is there something funny I should know about?”
Lottie carefully holds my gaze, and says, “They are supposed to be writing about the members of their family.”
What was that about “writing a storwy”, Gwen?
Well, I listen and it sounds like the kids are having fun, so I don’t feel like my misunderstanding has been a waste of time. “So, what were you two talking about before I interrupted?” I ask, not at all subtle with the change of topic.
Iris says she’s been questioning Lottie about her time at the Kent estate, wanting to know more. While she was all too quick to compliment my focus, I admire hers as well, no opportunity wasted. I encourage them to continue.
It quickly becomes clear that there’s not much room for me to contribute; Iris is asking questions to do with maid duties. I mean, I have vague notions of these, but Lottie has an on-the-job education for it and answers most questions promptly and clearly.
My attention inevitably wavers.
I think about asking Iris which of the two exhibition dresses she would like, but decide it’s better as a surprise. I start worrying about Violet, and stop once I catch myself doing it. Because of the exams, I haven’t seen Cyril and Julian in a while, and probably won’t for the rest of term unless something unusual happens. At least Evan can’t get away from me so easily. Trissy tries to enter my thoughts, but I don’t really know what to think about her. I want to leave her in charge of our relationship, so all I can do is hope she comes to see me again. If I chase her, pressure her, I’ll no doubt scare her away.
Whether Iris naturally runs out of questions or cuts herself short out of pity for me, I don’t know, but their conversations winds down. Picking up on the silence, I come up with a few things to say and choose one.
“Will you be going back to help today, or…” I ask Iris.
She shakes her head. “No, the shifts are properly rescheduled now. Papa always keeps an eye out, so there’s no shortage of staff,” she says, ending on a laugh.
I giggle as well, not often a father praised for looking for women. “Do you have plans with anyone else then?”
“I’ll go see my sister for lunch,” she says.
Lottie gets up to tidy the cups and she asks me if I would like a drink. While she prepares a tea for me, I ask Iris about her niece and nephew, getting a (still rough but) better view of her family than from my time working for Neville. That ends up with us discussing what it was like for us growing up—her as the daughter of a couple who wholeheartedly ran their business, and me as a ruffian in a dress.
“There’s no way you did!” Iris says, covering her mouth.
I turn to Lottie and nod my head. She sighs. “The first time she climbed a tree after I was hired, she had fallen asleep by the time I found her, so all I could do was stand beneath the branch and fret. I didn’t dare shout loudly for help in case I startled her.”
However much my father paid her clearly wasn’t enough.
It’s not long before the children finish their stories. At Gwen’s insistence, we “grown-ups” have to come to the lounge and listen to them read. An experience filled with filler words and pauses while whoever it is squints at the words, apparently unable to read their own handwriting from just minutes ago. And of course, it’s all achingly cute, very much akin to watching Bambi take his first steps. I applaud loudly after every story and get back cheeky grins and flushed cheeks.
Then Lottie serves a mid-morning snack of savoury biscuits, along with little cups of water. (I ask her about the biscuits and she tells me they’re filling and nutritious. By taste, I’d guess they’re a mix of diced nuts and something like mashed bananas, baked to a slight crunch.) A few parents soon arrive, picking up Ali, Lucy, and Jessie; this leaves Hetty and Danny still here.
Those two seem close to Gwen. Even if Hetty talks a lot and Danny hardly at all, Gwen herself bounces between the two, and they both focus on her rather than each other. Observing their body language and not following what they’re talking about, I only notice Gwen has asked me something when she looks at me expectantly.
“Pardon?” I say, smiling.
She has a little huff, more adorable than arrogant. “May I show Hetty and Danny the Val, the Valatines you made me?” she asks.
Forgotten the word already? It’s only been a month, no two. “You can show it to whoever you wish,” I say, smiling.
In a flurry of little feet, she drags them upstairs to her room. Giggling to myself, I wonder if maybe I shaped Lottie’s views on parenting and indirectly influenced Gwen? She feels so familiar at times, the little sister I never had.
“I told her that Valentine’s gifts are a personal thing and shouldn’t be shown or discussed freely,” Lottie says, perhaps misinterpreting my expression as amused bemusement.
Having turned to look at Lottie when she spoke, I catch sight of Iris putting on a strange look of her own. She asks, “What did you give her?”
“I sewed her something like a card,” I say.
She nods, but, before she can reply, our attention is drawn back to the doorway, footsteps pounding down the stairs; Gwen pops around the door. “Ellie?” she says.
“Yes, sweetie?”
She shuffles in place, nervous, and asks, “Would you teach us some sewing?”
I glance at Lottie, getting a subtle nod of confirmation from her. “Sure.”
It takes a few minutes to organise everything. Lottie has some of her own sewing needles she takes out for me, and Gwen has her own set of (somewhat child-friendly) needles and threads for her and her friends to use. She only has the one embroidery hoop, but there’s enough squares of fabric around for everyone.
Given their age and (in)experience, I want to keep it simple, yet a running stitch feels too pathetic of a lesson. I mean, they could do that without me showing them. So I first show them a backstitch, mentioning the basics like keeping stitches a consistent length and not stabbing yourself.
I’m quite nervous about the friends playing with the needles, but it looks like Danny has some experience, awkwardly trying to thread the needle. My nerves are soon enough settled, no real injuries coming about as everyone takes to heart me telling them to go slowly and carefully. Gwen is fairly dextrous after all her cross-stitch practice and picks it up quickly, so I also show her a chain stitch; the (sort of) overlapping loops makes it more pronounced—both wider and a little more raised.
Danny does quite well as well, but I leave him to it as he looks focused on whatever it is he’s sewing. On the other hand, Hetty is struggling, and it’s hard not to notice her upset expression when she looks over at him and his progress.
That comes to a head when my back is turned, correcting Gwen as she attempts a chain stitch.
“Like she’d want something a boy sewed.”
Hetty says that quietly, a harsh whisper, yet both Gwen and I hear it. Gwen tenses up, nearly pricking herself. Her head raises to look, but I’m in the way and, when she tries to look around me, I move to block her. She glares at me, and I smile back, putting a finger on my lips.
My educated guess is that Danny is sewing something for Gwen. Also, he’s young and impressionable, no doubt impacted by Hetty’s frustrated outburst.
Speaking loudly, I say, “Gwen, did I tell you my friend embroidered a handkerchief as a present for his sister’s birthday?”
Her glare transitions to a look of confusion, and then she catches on. “No, you did not,” she says, her voice robotic. I guess acting is too dishonest for her.
“She was really happy with it. If you had a brother and he gave you something he sewed himself, would you like it?” I ask, nice and blunt—finesse is wasted on children.
Gwen nods dramatically, her movement overly exaggerated even though Hetty and Danny probably can’t see her. “Yes, I would,” she says.
Maybe because my own childhood was full of scolding, I prefer this kind of approach. Not to mention I’d rather not scold a child when I haven’t even met either of her parents.
Leaving it at that for now, I have Gwen focus on sewing again. When I get the chance to check behind me, Hetty is bent over her work with a fairly grumpy expression, while Danny just seems focused. Good enough, I guess.
Their parents soon come to get them. From the brief looks I have of their work, Hetty did her name and Danny made a blob—an animal? None of my business. Lottie and Gwen go to send off the guests, and Iris joins me on the couch.
“I don’t suppose there’s a lesson for me as well?” Iris asks, her tone half-joking.
But I latch onto the half that is serious. “Sure,” I say, smiling.
She’s initially embarrassed, yet her brazen personality soon returns and she has no hesitation picking up a needle. I go through a few tests and questions to gauge her ability and knowledge, and she is rather open with her replies.
When I ask what her mother taught her, she says, “Mama always got too frustrated with me to really teach me anything.”
It’s hard for me to see the sweet Terri as someone short with her own daughter, but I know that Iris isn’t lying. I don’t know the actual circumstances, though, so I don’t take it as the whole truth either.
Lottie joins us with her knitting once she finishes sending off the guests, Gwen picking up where she left off with her chain stitch practice.
As I get a feel of Iris’s skill, I’m reminded of what she told me a long time ago, something about being clumsy like her father. That seems to be true. Given what she told me about her mother, I take a (figurative) step back and observe her as a whole for a little while.
“You’re quite tense, try to calm down,” I softly say, stilling her hand with a gentle touch. Her hands are cold—as I thought, paler than usual.
“Sorry,” she mumbles.
I lightly laugh and squeeze her hand. “Why don’t you embroider something for your niece? If you think of her while you sew, I’m sure your heart will be tender,” I say.
Although she nods, I can feel that slight quiver persist in her hand. Muttering a chant, the peaceful warmth of fire magic spreads outwards from my fingertips, running up my arm and, no doubt, across her chilly hand.
She gasps, tries to pull back, but I’m not easily escaped from. “Relax,” I whisper, and I switch to my “hair dryer” magic, brushing both her hands with warm air.
The initial shock over, she settles into it. Her hand squeezes mine back. Rough hands, not exactly calloused but self-evident of the work she’s been doing from such a young age. Did she help with washing up? I wish I knew how to make a good hand moisturiser….
Unfortunately, she adjusts her grip and pricks me with the needle in her hand. I wince, but the skin isn’t broken, just scratched. Maybe I could get a drop of blood out if I squeezed it.
“Ah! Sorry, sorry,” she says, stuck between keeping her hands to herself and wanting to check I’m okay, hesitant to an almost comical degree.
I bring my thumb to my mouth out of a childish habit, giving the scratch a lick to ease the irritation. Lottie clicks her tongue, almost making me jump—old habits really are hard to shake.
Well, at least Iris’s unabashed laughter at my reaction calms her nerves and the rest of our sewing lesson goes smoothly.

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2019.02.01 11:17 holliequ "Fortune Favours" Ficlets - Daily Prompts February 2019

Hello, hello, and welcome to another month of FanFiction's Daily Prompts! In case you're new here, the idea is that there's one prompt every day of the month with a suggested wordcount of 100-500 words. You don't have to complete every prompt and you don't have to do them in order. You don't even have to share them here! But it's nice to see what other writers are up to on the sub even when we don't share fandoms, so I encourage it ;)
I had some trouble coming up with a theme for this month’s prompts, but I’ve been playing Persona 5 recently and one of the things I really enjoy about that series is the use of symbolism from Tarot Cards. And then I thought, hey, we’re just getting into a new year, why not have a month themed around fortunes and luck? Plus, “Fortune Favours February” is alliterative. Everyone loves alliteration.
Despite the theme, however, the point of this is exploring the symbolism of fortune-telling for our stories. We’ll also be playing with tropes relating to destiny and fate, as well as throwing some real curveballs at your characters with luck-of-the-draw prompts. I definitely cannot predict you the winning lottery numbers.
If these prompts don’t float your boat, or you just need more… feel free to check out the previous months: April, May, June, July, August, September, OCtober, November, December and January. If you do choose to write some of these prompts, you can post them in this thread so people will see them.
Some other guidelines:

This space is meant for fanfiction – original fiction isn’t allowed on the sub.
The prompts can be done at any rating, but let’s not post M or higher rated fics in the thread. Please post those elsewhere and comment with a link.
Creativity in interpreting the prompts is not only welcomed, but encouraged! Similarly, the wordcount goal is just a guideline; it's fine if you want to go over or under.
Please use the suggested format so people can easily see which prompt you’re answering and what fandom you’re writing for at a glance:

February 1 Fandom “Title” Rating Offsite link/wordcount

Friday 1st – Heads or Tails. Your character has come to a crossroads and is stuck between two choices or routes, one of which is bad, and one of which is good (your character may or may not know which is which). Flip a coin or use a random number generator to choose which one your character is stuck with. Potential examples include: the character giving in to or resisting a self-destructive impulse; the wrong or right thing to say to a friend or ally; the safe or dangerous route; going out or staying in. Feel free to come up with your own ideas, of course. (500 words) Saturday 2nd – Trope: The Chosen One. A heroic archetype older than print, it’s time to put your own spin on the idea of “the chosen one”. Feel free to check out the related tropes on the tvtropes entry and subvert them if you wish! (300 words) Sunday 3rd – Readings: Tarot Cards. One of the more modern forms of fortune-telling, originally a card game, today the Tarot is popular because it’s replete with symbolism, each care from the Major and Minor arcana having potentially different meanings based on whether it’s in the reverse or upright position. There are various readings that can be done with Tarot cards, but let’s keep things simple for today. Pick one of the Major Arcana and write a character study based on that Arcana’s meaning. (400 words) Monday 4th – Oracles. Various people throughout history have claimed to have some special insight into the future. Some of them, like the Oracle of Delphi, had temples built for them, whilst others, like Cassandra, were disbelieved and scorned. Someone, whether through foresight or more mundane powers such as meteorology, has predicted a disaster. What response do they receive, and how do they feel about it? (300 words) Tuesday 5th – Oneiromancy, divination through dreams. Write a drabble about a dream your character has. This can be a dream as in a goal, or a dream they have when asleep. Actual divination not required, but have fun with foreshadowing and symbolism! (100 words) Wednesday 6th – Trope: Self-Fulfilling Prophecy. Another trope that dates back to (at least) the ancient Greeks, where doing your best to subvert a prophecy actually causes it to come true. Of course, the “prophecy” in this case doesn’t have to be a literal prophecy: this happens in the mundane world too, where rumours of a bank’s insolvency causes a run on the bank which actually does drive them into insolvency. So, what fate is your character meeting on the road they took to avoid it? (400 words) Thursday 7th – Lucky Sevens. Your character has gambled on something, metaphorically or literally, and this time they’ve come up trumps. Celebrate your character’s lucky break! (200 words) Friday 8th – Random trope! Hit the random trope button on the tvtropes homepage, and write something inspired by that trope. Feel free to pick the best of three in the event of getting a trope that you can’t write for whatever reason. Choose a suitable wordcount to aim for and away you go. Don’t forget to link us to the trope too! Saturday 9th – Readings: Tasseography, or divination from tea leaves. Often the symbols in tea leaf reading have different meanings than other forms of fortune telling, and the placement in the cup can influence the reading too. Let’s use this inspiration today to upset your character’s expectations. Is something they thought was far off coming upon them sooner than expected? Did they misinterpret another character’s actions in a serious way? Or, to go literally, maybe this tea party is really just not what they were expecting. (300 words) Sunday 10th – Make Your Own Luck. One of your characters doesn’t believe in coincidence or fate. Through hard work or outright cheating, they’re going to make things work out the way they want. (400 words) Monday 11th – Trope: Externally Validated Prophecy, when a character makes a prediction the audience knows will come true. This can be a Genre Savvy character who says something bad will happen if they split up in this haunted house, or someone in the past predicting an event the audience knows later happened. Or, in fanfiction, the future of the canon! You may also want to investigate It Will Never Catch On or This Is Going to Be Huge, best summed up as “The Titanic is unsinkable”—when a character makes a prediction the audience knows is wrong. (200 words) Tuesday 12th – Augury, divination through the flight of birds. Write a drabble inspired by birds or flight. Maybe your character feels like a caged bird, confined to one path, or feels free to choose their own destiny. Be as literal or metaphorical as you want! (100 words) Wednesday 13th – Break a Leg! Traditionally used in theatre as a way of wishing good luck, where it’s considered unlucky to actually say it aloud. We can do our own take on this today. Your character is wishing someone good luck, or being wished good luck, but for some reason the words can’t be said aloud. Why and what happens instead? Alternatively, your character needs all the luck in the world to pull off the performance of their lives! This could be a literal theatre performance or bluffing their way into the villain’s lair. Bonus points if you can combine the two somehow. (400 words) Thursday 14th – Unlucky in Love. Today is Valentine’s Day, but there’s enough lovey-dovey stuff out there in the world. Let’s spread angst and misery instead! The “love” can be romantic, platonic, familial, or other, but either way it’s not going well for your character right now. (300 words) Friday 15th – Wheel of Fortune. Your words today are “danger”, “spirit”, “horizon”, “mellow” and “penultimate”. Spin the wheel and see which one you get. Write a drabble inspired by that word. Include the word at least once. (100 words) Saturday 16th – Fortune Favours the Brave. You can’t get lucky if you never take risks. Today your character is taking the brave step of reaching out for something or someone. The question is, will the odds be in their favour? (300 words) Sunday 17th – Trope: Prophecy Twist. A trope Older Than Feudalism, used by everyone from the ancient Greeks to Shakespeare to Tolkien, yet it’s still an incredibly popular way to subvert audience expectations in works with a prophecy. Maybe your work doesn’t have a literal prophecy to subvert, but you can still utilise double meaning phrases and exact words (“I’ll give you everything that you deserve”) to set up a similar ‘twist’. (400 words) Monday 18th – Superstitious Minds. A superstition is a “pejorative term for any belief or practice that is considered irrational or supernatural”. Despite that, our society is full of superstitions, from collecting good luck in horseshoes to seven years of bad luck if you break a mirror, and people often have their own superstitions, such as a personal lucky number. What superstitions does your character have? (300 words) Tuesday 19th – Luck Comes in Threes. A reference to the old belief that luck, good or bad, comes in sets of three. Let’s get a snapshot of three instances of good or bad luck in your character’s life. (Set of three drabbles, 3 x 100 words) Wednesday 20th – Portent of Doom. Red skies at morning, sailors take warning. A variety of things are said to foretell death or danger, such as a grim, the wail of a banshee, or something celestial like a comet or an eclipse. Something in your story has a character or place marked for a terrible fate. What is it? (200 words) Thursday 21st – Readings: Chiromancy, or palm-reading. Today inspiration can literally be found in the palm of your hand – doubly so if you’re reading this on mobile. Check out the wikipedia entry for palm-reading and borrow one of its beliefs or symbols for your prompt today. Or, go literal and write something about hands! (300 words) Friday 22nd – Horoscope Help. Look up today’s horoscope for the astrological sign your character falls under. If you don’t know or they come from a canon with a different calendar to ours, feel free to use your own horoscope or pick one at random. I hope the future looks bright for your character, because at least one thing on that horoscope is coming true for them today. For bonus pats on the back, include everything in the horoscope. (500 words) Saturday 23rd – Lucky Men Need No Counsel. With enough luck, you don’t need good advice or wisdom. Luck is pulling through for someone today, and they’re getting away with something they really shouldn’t. The question is, when will that luck run out? (400 words) Sunday 24th – Gambler’s Fallacy. This is defined as “the mistaken belief that, if something happens more frequently than normal during a given period, it will happen less frequently in the future (or vice versa)”, normally associated with gamblers, hence the name. Maybe your character is a gambler, or maybe they’ve just suffered a string of bad coincidences, but their luck has got to turn around soon, right? Right?! (200 words) Monday 25th – Numerology, the practise of using numbers to find connections between coincidental events. What number has special significance to your character, whether good or bad? (100 words) Tuesday 26th – Be Careful What You Wish For. A common phrase applicable to every day life. Whether the “wish” is magical or not, something your character wanted is backfiring on them terribly today. (300 words) Wednesday 27th – Readings: Tarot Cards. I love them so much I did it twice. This time, use the reverse meaning of a Tarot Card for your prompt. (If you picked a reverse meaning last time, use the upright position instead.) You can use the same Tarot or choose another one if you like. Alternatively, you can explore the meanings of some of the Minor Arcana cards. (200 words) Thursday 28th – Trope: Screw Destiny. By now you’ve probably had it up to here with all these luck and fortune tropes. Well, feel free to channel all that frustration into our last prompt. Your character is facing impossible odds or something that seems predestined. Spit in the face of probability and kick destiny to the curb as your character says: Not this time. (400 words)

submitted by holliequ to FanFiction [link] [comments]

2018.01.30 20:10 waffel113 For Your Consideration #137: Fiona Apple - The Idler Wheel...

Good afternoon everyone, and welcome to this week's installment of For Your Consideration, the weekly series where we discuss albums that aren't on our Essentials list, and maybe why they should be. This week, 1080TJ is here with his thoughts on Fiona Apple's The Idler Wheel...
Fiona Apple - The Idler Wheel Is Wiser Than the Driver of the Screw and Whipping Cords Will Serve You More Than Ropes Will Ever Do
Listen:
YouTube
Spotify
(Fiona) Apple Music
Background by 1080TJ
Fiona Apple initially rose to prominence in the mid-1990s. Classically trained in piano as a child, her debut album Tidal, released when she was just eighteen years old, was a huge commercial success thanks to Fiona’s unique blend of jazz, pop, and alternative rock styles, with fantastic singing, piano playing and songwriting to boot. It produced some of her most popular singles, including the Grammy-winning “Criminal” (and its controversial video) and “Sleep to Dream”, which won her the VMA for Best New Artist, resulting in possibly the greatest acceptance speech in the history of acceptance speeches.
From this point forward, if there’s one thing to expect from Fiona, it’s consistently high quality, long album titles, and even longer gaps between albums. In 1999 she released her sophomore album, When the Pawn Hits the Conflicts He Thinks like a King What He Knows Throws the Blows When He Goes to the Fight and He'll Win the Whole Thing 'fore He Enters the Ring There's No Body to Batter When Your Mind Is Your Might so When You Go Solo, You Hold Your Own Hand and Remember That Depth Is the Greatest of Heights and If You Know Where You Stand, Then You Know Where to Land and If You Fall It Won't Matter, Cuz You'll Know That You're Right. Yes, that’s the album title. Considered her best by many fans and critics, the album marked the beginning of a fruitful relationship with producer Jon Brion, whose creative, lush arrangements complimented Fiona’s style perfectly. The two of them would also collaborate on her next album, Extraordinary Machine. I won’t go into the messy details of this album’s production and release, or the alternate leaked internet version, because I have a review to write. Just know that it wasn’t until 2005 that this thing saw an official release, and that it’s excellent regardless of what version you listen to.
Fans would once again have to wait years for details on another Fiona Apple album. Finally, in 2012, the silence broke with the release of The Idler Wheel Is Wiser Than the Driver of the Screw and Whipping Cords Will Serve You More Than Ropes Will Ever Do. That’s the last time I’m using the entire title.
Review by 1080TJ
The Idler Wheel is a career high point for an artist who has yet to release anything less than great. It’s raw, personal, heartbreaking, everything you could possibly want from a singer-songwriter album. When I volunteered to write about it, I figured that expressing exactly why I love it so much in written words would be easier than it actually is. I want to write a deep and poetic essay (there’s a draft of a very different, incoherent review on my hard drive that will never see the light of day) but I just can’t. Sometimes the best way to make people understand why an album is so special to you is to just implore them to listen and hope they understand. But there’s plenty of things to love about The Idler Wheel that are much easier to quantiify, so I’ll talk about those in a list format (with some subjective gushing thrown in for good measure).
Songwriting: The cornerstone of any great album, really. To put if simply, these are just great fucking songs. Every single one. The melodies stick with you despite not being traditionally “catchy”. Every track is structured to perfection. These songs rise and fall, start and resolve, and do so in a way that you only see in something made by a master of their craft. They unfold and reveal themselves in such an organic way that may not stick out on first listen, but is deeply rewarding by the third or fourth. Or in my case, the 30th or 40th. What can I say? Fiona keeps you coming back. And as I explore in my next point, the nature of this album’s sound means that these songs survive almost entirely on their own merit.
Production and Instrumentation: Part of the reason the songwriting on The Idler Wheel stands out, even by Fiona Apple standards, is because the bare-bones presentation allows the true nuts and bolts of these songs to reveal themselves with little obstruction. It’s the aspect of this album that may make it alienating at first, especially for fans who enjoyed the increasingly detailed arrangements of Fiona’s first three albums, but it pays off. The music-box-like flourishes on “Every Single Night” are the closest we ever get to Jon Brion territory. The bulk of the album is comprised of little more than vocals, piano and some jazzy percussion. Nothing electric unless you count the looped vocals on “Hot Knife”. The production doesn’t attempt to beef it up, either. The intimate recording style of The Idler Wheel is something I’ve only heard on a few other albums. Every sound is clear and crisp, but never feels tampered with, and there’s a sense of space that allows it all to breathe. I remember the first time I heard “Werewolf”, I closed my eyes and it felt like I was listening to her play from across the room. It makes the album seem even more personal that it already is. While I love my Pet Sounds-style engineering masterpieces as much as the next music geek, there’s something refreshing about hearing an artist strip it down to the basics, and knowing that every sound you hear in a song is there for a reason.
Musicianship (and also Songwriting Part II, sorta, now that I’m reading what I’ve written): As mentioned in the background section, Fiona was more or less a child music prodigy, and that raw talent really shines through here. Presenting songs in a way where all the individual parts, all of which are being performed by live musicians, can be clearly heard in the mix means that those things need to played damn well. And are they ever. Little additional instrumentation is needed when you have Fiona’s piano chops – she can lay down a series of notes, sing her lyrics, and have a song with plenty going on as it is. While the percussion is great (the drum solo on “Left Alone” is an album highlight) even that can sometimes feel like a garnish compared to what Fiona is already doing. Her piano and vocals aren’t merely the skeleton of these songs; they’re the muscles and the skin, too. She knows how to do more with less – take “Daredevil”, which largely consists of her slamming down chords with a crude, striking force that you’d have a hard time calling graceful. But a truly brilliant musician can say more with something as simple as that than they can with the flashiest solo. Not that there isn’t some technical prowess on display. As someone who gave up learning the instrument after only a few frustrating months, playing the instantly memorable piano lines of “Jonathan”, “Left Alone” or “Periphery” even once seems like a nightmare, let alone running through them as effortlessly as Fiona does. And I haven’t even touched on her singing. Have you ever fallen in love with the way a singer delivers a specific line in a song for some reason you can’t fully describe? That’s every track on The Idler Wheel for me. Specifically the end of “Regret” and every single line of “Every Single Night.” There’s so much genuine feeling packed into each little nuance of Fiona’s vocal performances. But the singing wouldn’t be nearly as great if she didn’t have something great to sing, which brings me to my final point.
Lyrics: This is the reason I love this album instead of simply admiring it. Lyrically, The Idler Wheel is my favorite album of all time, and it cemented Fiona as my favorite lyricist. Music is ultimately the art of sound, of course, so I don’t require something to have great lyrics for me to enjoy it. But if you think that lyrics don’t matter at all, or can’t elevate an album that you already like sound-wise, my experience with this album tells me you’re dead wrong. Never have the words of an album rocked me to my core in the way the ones on The Idler Wheel have. Fiona Apple has a way of writing things that are as literate and poetic as any Bob Dylan or Leonard Cohen song, but accessible and direct enough to deliver an emotional gut punch without the need to decipher anything. Her word choice, her phrasing, her use of similes and metaphors and alliteration and rhyme, it’s all so perfect. But Fiona’s greatest gift is her ability to make the personal feel universal. For those who might be unaware, she’s endured a lot of trauma in her life. Sexual assault, struggles with mental health, eating disorders, messy relationships. And it’s stuff that she clearly talks about in her music, with just enough distinct detail that one can assume a song relates to a specific person. But her lyrics also speak to basic human truths. Even though you’re aware that these are songs about Fiona Apple’s life, and that you are not Fiona Apple and may have not led a life similar to hers, you can listen to The Idler Wheel and relate to it, because Fiona translates feelings into words in a way that people just understand. There’s a great clip (which I tried to find on YouTube but it seems to have been taken down) from when she played on Jimmy Fallon in 2012 while promoting the album. Before playing “Anything We Want” she looks at the camera, holds up a billiards ball and says something along the lines of “there are probably people watching who think this song is about them, but if you’re not the person who gave me this, it’s not about you.” I think that summarizes how her words can come from experience while also resonating with just about anyone.
One thing I’ve noticed about the album’s lyrics upon revisiting it for this review is how they seem to tell a story. It’s a mostly melancholy album, but it gains a bit of happiness by the end. The first few songs describe a state of mental despair and romantic longing that only seems to get worse as the album goes along, culminating with the heartbreaking “Regret”. But immediately after we’re treated to “Anything We Want”, a joyous track that captures the feeling of falling in love like few others. Fiona has met someone new. She’s happy. The closing track “Hot Knife” describes the chemistry Fiona feels with her new partner, with vocal loops repeating and building on each other to create a sort of sonic mosaic that I always saw as a representation of the inescapable thoughts about a person that tend to cloud your head when you first fall for them. But there’s a hint of violent imagery in how Fiona portrays this feeling. A hot knife through butter. It’s an interesting choice that sticks with you. Is this another relationship destined to turn sour? Is this love even mutual, or is it another case of the one-sided desire we saw on “Valentine?” It’s impossible to tell when you first fall in love. Even without the presence of Jon Brion, it’s hard for me to not think about the end of Eternal Sunshine by the time this album draws to a close.
As you may have noticed, I haven’t actually quoted any specific lyrics yet, because there’s a whole section just for that below (where I’ll try to avoid posting the entire album). But I’ll end this review with one. One that’s so simple yet so profound that your ears are bound to perk up the first time you hear it. I truly think it’s one for the ages:
“How can I ask anyone to love me when all I do is beg to be left alone?”
Favorite Lyrics by 1080TJ

What’d I say to her, why'd I say it to her?
What does she think of me?
That I'm not what I ought to be
That I'm what I try not to be
It's got to be somebody else's fault
I can't get caught
If what I am is what I am
'Cause I does what I does
Then brother get back, 'cause my breast's gonna bust open
The rib is the shell
And a heart is the yolk
And I just made a meal for us both to choke on
Every single night's a fight
With my brain
I just wanna feel everything

“Every Single Night”

Say I'm an airplane
And the gashes I got from my heartbreak
Make the slots and the flaps upon my wing
And I use them to give me a lift
Hip hip for the lift
Hip hip for the drag
I want them all in my bag
Oh give me anything and I'll turn it into a gift
And don't let me ruin me
I may need a chaperone

“Daredevil”

You didn't see my valentine
I sent it via pantomime
While you were watching someone else
I stared at you and cut myself
That's all I'll do cause I'm not free
A fugitive too dull to flee
I'm amorous but out of reach
A still life drawing of a peach
I'm a tulip in a cup
I stand no chance of growing up
I've made my peace, I'm dead, I'm done
I watch you live to have my fun
I root for you, I love you
You you you you

“Valentine”

Jonathan, anything
And anyone that you have done
Has gotta be alright with me
If she's part of
The reason you are how you are
She's alright with me
Just tolerate my little fist
Tugging on your forest chest
I don't wanna talk about
I don't wanna talk about anything
You'd like to captain a capsized ship
But I like watching you live

“Jonathan”

My ills are reticulate
My woes are granular
The ants weigh more than the elephants
Nothing, nothing is manageable
So couldn't we skip the valedictories?
I can see a the door there
Shut it and forget my number
‘Cause I'm hard, too hard to know
I don't cry when I'm sad anymore, no no
Tears calcify in my tummy
Fears coincide with the tow
How can I ask anyone to love me
When all I do is beg to be left alone?

“Left Alone”

I could liken you to a werewolf the way you left me for dead
But I admit that I provided a full moon
And I could liken you to a shark the way you bit off my head
But then again, I was waving around a bleeding open wound
But you are such a super guy ’til the second you get a whiff of me
We’re like a wishing well and a bolt of electricity
But we can still support each other, all we gotta do is avoid each other
Nothing wrong when a song ends in a minor key
The lava of the volcano shot up hot from under the sea
One thing leads to another and you made an island of me

“Werewolf”

Go to the periphery
Have them celebrate your name
Have them forge you a pedigree and then you'll be
Left to run the races, lame
Run it if you want
If you think it’s worth it
But not with me
Cause I don't appreciate
People who don't appreciate
All that loving must've been lacking something
If I got bored trying to figure you out
You let me down
I don't even like you anymore at all

“Periphery”

Remember when we argued over the concept of regret?
You were an expert even then but not me, not yet
Now all you gotta do is remind me that we met
And there, you got me
That's how you got me
You taught me to regret
Remember how I asked you why are you so mean?
You didn't know how to react to being seen
I tried to be your friend, you made me shamed so I'm getting e’en
And there, you got me
That's how you got me
You taught me to be mean
But I ran out of white doves' feathers
To soak up the hot piss that comes from your mouth
Every time you address me

“Regret”

My cheeks were reflecting the longest wavelength
My fan was folded up and grazing my forehead
And I kept touching my neck to guide your eye to where
I wanted you to kiss me when we find some time alone
My scars were reflecting the mist in your headlights
I look like a neon zebra shaking rain off her stripes
And the rivulets had you riveted to the places that
I wanted you to kiss me when we find some time alone
And then we can do anything we want

“Anything We Want”

If I'm butter, if I'm butter
If I'm butter then he's a hot knife
He makes my heart a cinemascope screen
Showing a dancing bird of paradise
He excites me
Must be like the Genesis of Rhythm
I get feisty
Whenever I'm with him

“Hot Knife”

Talking Points

What albums did you find a new level of appreciation for when you started paying attention to the lyrics?
Do you think a listener’s individual interpretation of lyrics is just as valid an interpretation as what they mean to the artist who wrote them?
Are songs that feel lacking if you take away elaborate production and instrumentation less well-written than songs that can still stand out with simple production and minimal instrumentation, or is the final product all that matters? If a song doesn’t work as well when you strip it down to what some might call “the essentials”, shouldn’t the things you take away be seen as essential?
How many more years until we get a new Fiona Apple album? Assuming that even happens?

Thanks again to 1080TJ for the absolutely fantastic review! Next week, barring a schedule change, aMartin3105 will be here to talk about Julee Cruise's Floating Into the Night, so be on the look out for that. If you'd like to apply to write an FYC, send me a PM with the artist, album, and maybe a little bit about why you'd like to write about it. Once you do, you'll be added to the schedule below. Thanks for reading!

submitted by waffel113 to indieheads [link] [comments]

2016.09.11 17:31 namanma Would like help naming our boy/girl twins

We're having fraternal twins (a boy and a girl) in a few weeks and we're having trouble picking names. Here are some names we like so far:
For the boy: Edison Cyrus Damian Felix Simon Fessenden Maxwell
For the girl: Evelyn Cosima Charlotte Valentine Miren Samira Eleanor
Last name starts with "A." We think that the fact that it starts with a vowel might be problematic for some names, but on the flip side people aren't addressed by their full names very often, so we wouldn't disqualify a name we really like. We'd also like to avoid very popular names and (because they're twins) we'd like to avoid alliteration or cutesy rhyming names if possible.
Any suggestions would be great!
EDIT: New ideas would be awesome too. We aren't completely in love with any of the names on the list and would be happy to see names we may not have considered!

submitted by namanma to namenerds [link] [comments]

2016.02.12 23:06 thiscommentisboring Is anyone else disappointed by the Valentine's Day game?

Warning: Super long. Kind of ranty. This isn't intended to be a hate thread, it's voicing my disappointment in the Valentine's Day game and why I think it lacks the things it needs to be fun.
Last Christmas I complained that they kept recycling Christmas Chaos, but now I think I see why. With the Valentine's game it becomes pretty clear that MinePlex has been avoiding making a new holiday game for good reason - they've lost their touch.
Christmas Chaos is fun, it's got a creative concept, and players are encouraged to cooperate making it different than almost every other game on MinePlex. In fact, players are even more helpful in this game than in actual team games, as you have to be in close quarters working on a common goal together. It's also got a fitting and catchy name, which is nice.
Valentine's Vendetta, on the other hand, isn't really fun. It's another generic game where a large-ish group of players all fight over something, like Sheep Quest without the ability to steal sheep and without teams. It would be better for it to be a persistent game and have MinePlex put effort into making something unique. As for the gameplay, it's really not very interesting. It's 16 players chasing pigs for 5 minutes. The pig spawning and catching is almost totally random - there's almost no strategy aside from a bit of fishing rod aiming and sprint-jumping. The game is largely luck-based: Where the pigs spawn, whether or not someone accidentally chases one into you, how successful the fishing rod pulls the pig towards you. These are all randomized to the point of pretty much nobody being able to use the mechanics.
This would all be forgiveable, if it weren't for the fact that the game, by design, is unlikely to end legitimately. I've been told that the last round is supposed to be the player bringing the pig to Calvin, but I've never seen that happen. Losing players are allowed to kill the pig with ease. There's nothing the rider can do to stop this from happening. Let's be honest here - MinePlex has beyond terrible sportsmanship. It's the kind of place where you need a filter to prevent people from cursing each other out, to stop people from accusing each other of cheating simply because they won, and might as well be the origin of the word "noob". Nobody will ever, ever, let someone else get first at this server if they can prevent it. If the pig dies, then nobody wins. Getting a total loss is preferable to seeing someone else win in the wonderful world of PvP.
I cannot stress this enough, giving players the ability to ruin the entire game is a terrible idea. The player in second will always kill the last pig and there is nothing that can be done to stop them. It's terrible, unspeakably bad design. That's like giving every player on the losing team of Domination the ability to reset the scores and end the game. It's like letting everyone in the second, third, and fourth place teams of Sheep Quest kill Sheep. Did MinePlex just forget to play-test their game? Did they have a lapse in thought that lasted long enough for them to make the entire final round of this game?
And also, for consistency, I'll address the name. Sure, it's hard to find words that start with V, but Vendetta doesn't seem like the right word here. The word just seems shoehorned in for the V sound. Alliteration isn't what makes your game good, the thing that makes your game good is actually putting effort into it. Which is truly lacking in this year's Valentine's Day event game.
I'm tempted to add a section on what I, as an example, would want to see in a Valentine's Day minigame, but this is long enough as is.

submitted by thiscommentisboring to Mineplex [link] [comments]

2015.04.02 03:14 onrv Top Posts of March 2015

Date	Theme/s	Song Title	Artist	Year	Country	Posted by
Sun 1st	Name Chain Game	Pressure Drop	The Maytals	1970	JM	justchuck1070
Mon 2nd	Tableware	Mack the Knife	Bobby Darin	1959	US	justchuck1070
Tue 3rd	Hobbyhorses (Bands/Stuff You're Always Banging On About)	Far Away	José González	2010	SE	That_one_cool_dude
Wed 4th	Emo	Downtown Downers Grove	Emo Phillips	1985	US	Grimblewedge
Thu 5th	Forest Animals	White Rabbit (Live)	Jefferson Airplane	1969	US	mackavicious
Fri 6th	What Happened Last Night?	Last Nite	The Strokes	2001	US	oldwhitelincoln
Sat 7th	Shameless Plug	Breezeblocks	alt-J (∆)	2012	GB	onrv
Sun 8th	California	California Über Alles	Dead Kennedys	1979	US	sanityismyvanity
Mon 9th	East Coast USA	New York's Alright If You Like Saxophones	Fear	1982	US	sanityismyvanity
Tue 10th	Clouds	Cloudbusting	Kate Bush	1985	GB	justchuck1070
Wed 11th	Acoustic Versions	Hurt	Johnny Cash	2002	US	thenatman
Thu 12th	Loss of a Friend or Loved One	American Pie	Don McLean	1972	US	oldwhitelincoln
Fri 13th	Villains	See My Vest	Mr. Burns	1995	US	sbroue
Sat 14th	You	With or Without You	U2	1987	IE	aleagueofmyown
Sun 15th	Slow	Slow	my bloody valentine	1988	IE	g_yore
Mon 16th	Comics	Flash's Theme	Queen	1980	GB	_bronte
Tue 17th	Saint Patrick's Day (Ireland)	Drunken Lullabies	Flogging Molly	2002	IE/US	That_one_cool_dude
Wed 18th	Cardio, Workout	Feel Good Inc.	Gorillaz	2005	GB	heyits_poky
Thu 19th	Alliteration	She Sells Sanctuary	The Cult	1985	GB	golden_an
Fri 20th	Woodwind	Baker Street	Gerry Rafferty	1978	GB	Grimblewedge
Sat 21st	Neologisms	Hyperbolicsyllabicsesquedalymistic	Isaac Hayes	1969	US	justchuck1070
Sun 22nd	Fast	Fast Car	Tracy Chapman	1988	US	Tedius
Mon 23rd	Ambient, Background Noise	Steven's Last Night in Town	Ben Folds Five	1997	US	That_one_cool_dude
Tue 24th	Swamp	The Legend of Wooley Swamp	The Charlie Daniels Band	1980	US	oldwhitelincoln
Wed 25th	Fashion	Short Skirt/Long Jacket	Cake	2001	US	aleagueofmyown
Thu 26th	Purple (Epilepsy)	Smoke on the Water	Deep Purple	1972	US	aerial1981
Fri 27th	Debt	Sixteen Tons	Tennessee Ernie Ford	1955	US	oldwhitelincoln
Sat 28th	Dinner	5-Piece Chicken Dinner	Beastie Boys	1989	US	tinteoj
Sun 29th	New to Music Theme Time (includes 2014)	There She Goes	The La's	1988	GB	justchuck1070
Mon 30th	Sleazy	Do You Wanna Touch Me? (Oh Yeah)	Gary Glitter	1973	GB	topcutter
Tue 31st	Glam Rock	20th Century Boy (Live)	T. Rex	1973	GB	SummerMummer

And on we March. Mr Burns was the top post of March. A few interesting top posts this month, like Emo Phillips or an American band for the Irish theme. There were also 6 repeated themes. The monthly Reddit Gold goes to justchuck1070 with a massive 5 top posts. The 80s are still the most popular decade, with 3 songs from 1988 alone. Countries represented include United States of America (18), United Kingdom (9), Ireland (3), Jamaica and Sweden. Check out the wiki if you want to check out more past themes.
I also want to thank our dedicated followers who consistently post great/appropriate songs, particularly those who comment thoughtfully. I'd give out Reddit Gold to all of you, but I'm too cheap/poor. Keep on trucking.

submitted by onrv to Musicthemetime [link] [comments]

2015.02.11 23:04 tabledresser [Table] IamA Veronica Vain AMA!

Verified? (This bot cannot verify AMAs just yet)
Date: 2015-02-11
Link to submission (Has self-text)

Questions	Answers
Now that you're working primarily with seed investors, can you tell us a little more about the business side of your porn ambitions? You've made some statements about changing the way that porn monetizes that seem worthy of expounding upon.	The business side is multifaceted and requires a very strategic approach. My first step is doing this movie featuring the first ever paid product placement by a non-porn related company in pornography. So that's pretty ground breaking and should give me a good case study to pitch future companies about product placement. That itself would allow production companies to be more profitable as it essentially lowers their costs -- which is of course better for their margins and bottom line.
	There are other opportunities as well, so as working on ways to distribute porn aside from the bread-and-butter website model. I think people would buy more porn if it was easily available on demand on their TVs and other mediums.
	There's also an abyss content-wise between hardcore porn and what you see on HBO that has yet to filled. Porn can cross over in to the mainstream if done correctly, and that would attract even more talent and money to the industry.
As a college junior who is interested in finance, what is working on Wall Street like? What are the people like?	Wall Street is a big place with a variety of working environments. Ultimately, it's a boring office job from my perspective. If you like routine and stability, then go for it. If you're getting in to it for the money, then I advise against because whatever extra money you have you will lose in free time. The people are varied, some are great and others suck. For the most part they are just normal people with families and mortgages like any other. Trading is more fun, but less financially enticing these days. Intellectually it can be quite stimulating, but only in bursts. Otherwise you are kind of just screwing around with Microsoft Office most of the time.
Where you ever with a guy they could cum as much as Manuel? Also, I understand your biz model around porn, but it appears to the average wanker like me, that stealing porn seems to be the biggest problem for most companies (except Mindgeek, which owns tubes sites)?	The great thing about product placement is that the more viewership content receives, the better it is for the company who paid to place the product. So rampant piracy actually becomes good in this case.
	Also, the people stealing porn off of torrent sites are the minority. Most people just go to a tube site because why not? So you just have educate the consumer a bit on why buying porn is better, and you do that by releasing free high quality content that is shortened, and those who want to see the full thing will go buy it.
	Manuel cums quite a bit. I don't exactly have statistics on the dispersion of cum volume from all my previous partners though.
When did it came to your mind that you'd stop working at Wall Street for porn?	I started thinking about quitting Wall Street some time in October of last year. I wasn't sure about the adult industry at that point but I knew I wanted to be elsewhere. Then when I started researching other industries to work in, I realized adult had a ton of interesting opportunities. At first I thought I could get an analyst position or something, and then I was like...well I could probably just be a porn star. That would be fun. Then BOOM.
Suprised nobody asked this one, how did you come up with your porn name, Veronica Vain?	Veronica is the name of my favorite historical character, Veronica Franco. She was a noted poet, writer, and political figure during a time when women were not allowed to read anything other than the Bible. She was also a courtesan. I loved the juxtaposition of being a strong, empowered, influential figure but also a woman with overt sexuality.
	Vain is because a) alliteration is good for branding purposes and b) I am really cocky.
Why do most people get I to porn? Is it the money, the fame? What do you want to take away from this experience?	You can never generalize why most people do anything.
	I did it because I love sex, I love being around other hot people who love sex, and because porn is a business like any other and it is one in which I would like to be a part.
	I think a lot of young women might come in to it for some misguided reasons i.e. thinking it will lead to money or fame, but those were not my reasons.
Whats it like coming from a jesuit school and getting into porn?	I don't know. I did not even know what a jesuit was before I went to jesuit school. I actually thought jesuit was a denomination of being judaism. I hated all the stupid theology classes I'll say that much. Like, they didn't even prescribe birth control at the health center. Like what the hell. At least now I know who Ignatius is I guess.
What are your plans for Valentine's Day. Can you give me advice on love?	My plans involve anal sex. Advice on love...stop thinking that being in love equates with having sex only with one person for the rest of your life. I think people can have wonderful loving relationships and still explore their sexuality with others. It brings excitement and adventure and I think can bring couples closer together.
One last question Please answer how did you achieve it squirting was it penetration or masturbation or what's the best way to achieve it?	You have to tease the girl a lot, have some sex, and really get her mentally ready. Let her cum a few times in small ways first, it's how we get up the mountain so to speak. Then when she is just going nuts, use your fingers and find the G-spot and hit it just the right way. I'm not really sure how. Google it. Takes practice.
When is your first scene going to release? What is it going to consist of? Whats your favorite position?	A shortened version of the scene will be available this week. It consists of some story line and me having sex with Manuel Ferrara.
	I don't have an official favorite position as it varies by the type of dick I'm having sex with, but I cum best with the guy on top hitting my G-spot.
What type of porn do you like? What kind of porn don't you like?	I like most porn -- it really depends on my mood. I'm not only in to any one thing, but I tend to like double penetration scenes. I don't like anything obscene like with pissing or anything where it looks like the girl is not having a good time.
What's you favorite type of foreplay? I'd really like seeing you as a nurse but which do you like?	I love getting fingered. I cum best from penetration.
	But it's nice when a guy warms me up first from kissing, licking, touching, grabbing, etc. You have to get a girl mentally ready. You can't just shove your fingers in her and expect her to really cum.
Just wanted to say that you are gorgeous and will do great in the business. Also wanted to say thank you for what you do. As someone who spent three years overseas in iraq and afghanistan i figured i would let you know that porn and frequent jerking off are what keep you sane over there. Your doing the troops a service hun! Now doe my question. Chicken or steak?	Oh my gosh I'm so happy to be able to entertain you guys! I used to play World of Warcraft and so many of the guys in my guild were playing from overseas. I appreciate what you all do so much, and please let me know how else I can make your tour of duty more pleasant!
	Chicken. Less fat, more protein and overall leaner and healthier. Unless you can get me a lean cut of steak, in which case I choose beef.
Would you ever consider dating a guy with a small "appendage" if he is funny and has a good personality? I'm asking for a friend...	Penis size is really not as big of a deal as guys think it is. I've had great sex with quite small penises before, so yes if he is funny and has a good personality, takes care of himself, and is down to do other adventurous sexual things, penis size doesn't matter much.
What qualifies as "other adventurous sexual things"?	Things aside from the traditional dick in pussy.
How do you feel the online porn business effects the dvd/hard copy business? Does one benefit the other? Detract from it?	Online porn 100% takes away from DVD sales. But the same goes for mainstream movies and music. When is the last time you bought a physical copy of a movie or an album? So porn just needs its own itunes or Hulu, but we aren't there yet.
How does your SO feel about you getting into porn? Were you with him when you were in finance, or is he newer?	He loves it and is very excited by it, but he is a different breed of man. I don't think there are a lot of guys like him in our society today. Yes I was with him while in finance. He is a Wharton educated management consultant.
How has the experience been thus far? Associating with Kayden and Manuel off the bat seems like a good start. They genuinely seem like good people.	It has been seriously awesome. I've gotten to work with some of the best performers, crew, camera guys, directors, and photographers in the industry so far. The people are really amazing, inviting, and open minded. Veronica Avluv is an absolute DOLL I love her so much.
Was Manuel Ferrara the fattest guy you ever banged for money?	I wouldn't charge the guys in porn to have sex, I charge because making a scene is way more intensive than the sex and it is a full day of work. Keep being an asshole though, I'm sure one day you'll lose your virginity.
Hello, my name is Lloyd Turner. Miss Vain, at your old job on Wall Street, did you commute?	If by commute you mean did I take the subway, then yes I did.
What are your favorite books?	I love The Art of Seduction by Robert Greene, The Name of the Wind by Patrick Rothfuss, Harry Fucking Potter, and Market Sense and Nonsense by Jack Schwager.
Sooo would you be open to tickle fetish porn?? :D.	I'm not sure...please elaborate. How long would the tickle last, and what is the context in which I am being tickled? Will I be having sex while being tickled? I'm confused.
Well there's variations, but what usually happens is you will be restrained and then tickled relentlessly for like a half hour. Although I've seen videos of models being tickled during sex.	Hmm. I dunno. If it was a really well done tickle scene then perhaps, but usually when you start to veer away from the cookie cutter naughty nurse porn, quality tends to diminish.

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2015.01.04 22:10 digitalskyfire The /r/Skullgirls Beginner's FAQ: 2015 Edition! New players, check here before posting!

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2014.02.07 01:33 tabledresser [Table] IAmA: I am Kayden Kross. I've done porn, and some other stuff. Mostly porn. AMA!

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Date: 2014-02-06
Link to submission (Has self-text)

Questions	Answers
Sooo...um...how's your vagina these days? Everything good? No hickups with the ol' taco?	I still feel like I got punched. So it's like that.
How many of your videos do you actually have an orgasm in?	Most. Any scene where I'm given a shot at missionary means I've probably had an orgasm. Any place where you see me having an orgasm in cowgirl or reverse cowgirl is most likely fake. Doggy is 50/50.
What is the best and worst thing you got from being in the porn industry?	The best would probably be the experiences. I've been paid to sit in a two person plane while it did barrel rolls in the sky. I've been paid to take pictures with cheetahs in Africa. I was able to spend two weeks road tripping most of Eastern Europe and in Australia I got to play with a koala bear. The worst thing is probably just the fact that these things end early. You can't spend 40 years building on one career that you love. You have to go in knowing you'll eventually have to start over somewhere else.
Koalas aren't bears; they're mammals/marsupials. Fun fact for you there!	I did read that somewhere. And also that killer whales are whales.
Kind of, it's a translation error. the name killer whale would be a mistranslation of the 18th century Spanish name asesina ballenas* which means literally whale killer* They are part of a suborder called toothed whales.	I liked it better when it was a factoid. Damn.
How do I tell you I love your videos without sounding like a creep?	Just like that. That came off nicely.
What made you start, and leave porn?	Fluffers have not been real for some time now, or ever, as far as I know. Maybe they were slightly real. Not intentional. Like some guy would be having a hard time getting wood and some chick would be hanging around the party... I dunno. I wasn't there. No one from the glory days ever mentions fluffers.
Also, are "fluffers" real?	I wouldn't say I've left porn. I've taken a minor leave of absence, if you will.
I am very excited to hear this. How long do you think you'll be out?	It's hard to tell. I'm only going to be performing in projects I have control of going forward, and I'd like to have my body back to where it was before I got pregnant. I'm about 90% there. Just need to get that muscle tone back..
How do people you meet(that are not in the business) normally react when you tell them how you earn a living?	They don't because I don't tell them. I'm still finessing that speech.
"I'm in show business."	But then they try to google you. That's the worst. Some stranger googling your vagina right in front of you, only not expecting to see your vagina.
So would strangers googling your vagina be ok if they knew what they were in for? Because I'm googling your vagina now.	Yes vaginas are better when they don't take you by surprise, I think.
Best tip (other than my own) I could give to my fiancée for giving a BJ?	Treat it like a giant giant clit.
Does it work the other way? Treat a clit like a tiny, tiny dick?	Exactly.
How much thought or time does it take to decide on a pseudonym for porn? Does alliteration help your career?	I think it's a placebo thing with alliteration. We all seem to use it but I wouldn't say there's any correlation between success and starting your first and last name with the same letter... though it does make it easier to remember when you're getting going. Maybe. Maybe it makes it harder. A lot of us end up misspelling names to force the alliteration, which maybe fucks potential fans up in the Google search... I put more thought into this answer than I put into my porn name, if that gives you any idea.
So, tacos or corn dogs?	Can I be honest? I've eaten nothing but graham crackers since January 23rd. I've lost all sense of an appetite. And all memory of one. Probably corn dogs though. I like to put ketchup on things. It's how I show my patriotism.
I'm not sure if ShadowSkeet meant for that to be answered literally.	Yeah I realized that after the fact. But my stomach was growling and that was the filter it was passed through.
I've eaten nothing but graham crackers since January 23rd. Why?	I had a baby on January 23rd, and the biggest side effect (besides the weight of being responsible for another human life) has been that I now find all food gross, especially the more solid foods. Literally no appetite whatsoever. At first I thought it was a neat thing but now I'm just annoyed.
It's a relief to know that I'm not the only one who snacks on Graham Crackers and is also above the age of twenty-five.	Graham crackers for life.
What's your ideal penis size?	Manuel is my ideal penis size. He would have been my ideal penis size no matter what he was packing though.
Edit: also, is it true many porn stars only do porn so their escort business is more sought-after?	To answer your second question, that has been a rising trend as the economy/economics of porn have gone southward. It is not a steadfast rule, but I see it now and I didn't see it when I first came into the business.
Do u ever watch porn yourself?	No. It is intensely boring. I end up critiquing it he whole time.
Sometimes if you want it done right you have to do it yourself.	This is true. I wish there were many versions of me and I could run them all at once. I'd have a porn empire.
Ha. What do you look for in a good porno? What are your critiques like?	Lack of cheesiness is the first thing. It feels like that's not so much a budgetary problem as a general lack of self awareness on the part of those involved.
Probably making/directing/writing porn instead of starring in them?	Yes I've been doing some of that, and then just straight up writing. A lot of non porn writing. My fingertips are almost bleeding from the keyboard. Not really.
You should try some short stories too. They are good to "polish" your style.	I've done a few. Harper published one in their "Forty Stories" thing. That was a high point in my life.
Been there. Hope you keep at it, I'd like to read it one day.	I'm keeping at it but there is the eternal doubt that comes with each new page. I keep thinking I should start over. But that would probably suck worse than working through the doubt.
Congrats. Do you have any other highlights from your life you want to tells us about. Doesn´t have to be porn. Any good story will do.	Well, giving birth. Not the feeling. That sucked. But immediately after I stopped screaming it was amazing.
How do you feel about one of your videos being featured in "Don Jon"?	That was a pretty awesome surprise. I'd never seen myself on such a large screen before.
Have you ever had relationship problems because of your line of work?	Of course. Big ones. Even when I've dated male talent. But that comes with the territory.
How and why did you get into the business? If you could go back in time would you still do it?	I started stripping at 18. That's the gateway drug. I would still do it. I would do things differently, with the knowledge I have now. But that is true of anything for anyone. Porn has been good to me.
I started stripping at 18. That's the gateway drug. I would still do it. I would do things differently, with the knowledge I have now. But that is true of anything for anyone. Porn has been good to me. Care to elaborate on what you would do differently?	I would have started earlier, and probably chosen one company to stay under contract with and just stuck with it. There is a lot of starting over when you switch contracts... it's a six month turn around to get a movie out, etc. I would have started a website immediately and pushed it hard. Websites have been eroding in value year after year so it was more worthwhile earlier on. There are other things. Investments I would have made earlier and whatnot.
What was the last book you read?	Just finished Cat's Cradle, which I should have read a decade ago. Vonnegut is a master.
I like you now, not that that should matter much to you. I think an appreciation of Vonnegut makes anyone more likable. Congrats on your new baby!	It's always nice to be liked. You've met a very basic need.
How did you get cast for the Nekrogoblikon music video?	I knew the director and he just asked if I'd do it. I wish all things were that simple.
Can you pick my porn name for me?	Tell me more about yourself.
What is your favorite book/novel of all time?	I have a few... East of Eden has been what I would call an important book. I notice book nerds throw that word around. Important. It makes sense. A book becomes important to me when I start using it as a bar I judge books against going forward. Infinite Jest. Wittgenstein's Mistress. There is a book I read over and over and over again growing up called "King of the Wind". It's no literary masterpiece but it is maybe the reason I kept reading. The Sound and the Fury was an important book. I read it in 7th grade and wouldn't say I understood a word of it. But it was so beautifully written that it sucked me into real literature as opposed to the John Grisham route.. I could keep going but then I may not stop..
Awesome response, and, no joke, East of Eden is my favorite book. I absolutely loved the story and the characters, particularly of Tom, and the message of the book. And thinking of a real life Cathy is terrifying. Thanks for the answer!	I think there are Cathys in the world, and yes, it's terrifying.
What's in your pocket (when you wear pants)?	All I wear are yoga pants, which are sans pockets.
Does anyone in your family feel embarrassed about your profession? Or are they open and accepting of it?	No one in my family has ever said to me, 'Hey, I'm embarrassed by what you do." I'm sure there are people in my more extended family who are not thrilled with it (I come from a super religious family), but they've never spoken up or treated me any differently. I'm close with my more immediate family and they are very supportive of me.
What's one tip that you can give to do better when with a woman?	Sex tip? Or picking up a chick? You're gonna have to narrow this one down. No matter what, just never act like your very sense of self worth hinges on her approval. We hate that.
Thank you so much for your work!!! Big fan!! My question: What's the funniest incident you have gone through while filming a scene?	I think every time I've broken a set in a scene has been funny. Often painful, but funny nevertheless. Falling off of beds is funny. Directors dropping their pants behind the camera and bending over to expose their delicate pink assholes while we're trying to do something serious is funny. All dialogue, ever, is funny. The grammatical disadvantage that porn script writers seem to possess as a rule is funny..
Directors dropping their pants behind the camera and bending over to expose their delicate pink assholes. Uhh, why?	To keep up the goodwill? To see if we'll break character? As some ironic comment on the situation? I never thought to ask.
Does it creep you out when random people approach you and tell you they love everything you've ever done, or is that something that's supposed to come with the territory? I always thought that would be one hell of an awkward situation regardless, like it's best just to say thanks and move on.	It's not creepy at all. It's just more shocking that I'm recognized. I walk around dressed like a bum.
For camouflage purposes or just 'cause?	I think I'll go with the camo answer.
How was your Breaking Bad experience? Btw, love your stuff, keep it up.	It was one of the most surreal, amazing, and exhausting days of my life.
The behind the scenes video is available here => they say you danced for 14 hours?!	Yeah... I only had an hour or so of sleep because I was so jittery.. the pick up time from the hotel was 5:15am and they had me on set at 7am. The entire day was that scene, and I was dancing through all of it. We wrapped at 9pm. My legs were shaking for like 3 days.
Are you investing your money wisely?	So far so good. I've been more lucky than wise I think.
I'm a young, handsome and savvy investor. AMA. The tables have turned, Kayden.	Whats up with those emerging markets right now?
What is porn like behind the scenes? Is it like its played out to be in movies with a whole bunch of people and a full buffet and all that stuff, or is it more like just the actors and a small camera crew?	It used to be a much bigger thing--especially on the feature sets. Big crews and locations and stories and scripts and big catered sets. But as technology has changed the way porn is distributed (AKA made porn free), the budget has been whittled down to only allow for the most base things.
Of all the scenes you have done, which one is your favourite?	I really like the scenes I did in "The Smiths". I think all around that was probably my best movie.
You should get on Kassem G's "Going deep with" Link to www.youtube.com.	I was actually booked to do that show but ended up being double booked that day and Stoya filled in for me...
When did you decide this was the industry for you?	On day 2.
Day one was not so hot though?	Nerve racking. That's day one.
Who was the first pornstar you worked with?	Manuel Ferrara. He seems to be a constant in my life.
If i was a girl, I'd also try to make him a constant in my life.	You get it.
What was the best girl-girl scene you ever did?	I think the one I did with Bree Daniels in "Girl Squared" was profound. Then again I wrote it and directed it and picked the girl, so it would have been profound for me either way.
What are the biggest differences between porn sex and real sex? Besides all the guys with cameras filming you.	There is a term we use called "opening up for the camera". Basically it involves keeping the two or more bodies apart enough that the nitty gritty stuff can be seen by the camera. That is probably the biggest difference. People having sex for reasons not related to mass distribution tend to not give a fuck whether outsiders can see in. Then there is the extreme amount of bodily grooming. People tend to not get too worked up about this to such an extent... Girls on porn sets tend to smell overly sanitary. I think the biggest difference though is the pacing. Sex on a porn set happens on a schedule and in an order. Sex in real life just happens. You will notice a marked difference if you've done both.
This might be a strange question, but it would be very nice if you tried to answer. How do you think porn has changed society in the last 30 years and what kind of role do you see for it in the future?	I think porn is pretty passive in this regard. Obviously it can't interact with a thing without changing it in some way.. but that is the nature of interaction rather than some quality unique to porn. I think technology has changed society in a major way, one way being the free access its given to porn. Porn really only responds to consumer demand from there... but at the same time as consumers have their demands met by porn their demands seem to increase in some way.. eh. I can't answer this. Don't know why I tried. In the future I think the porn industry will be pushed out by the mainstream industry doing more and more risque stuff. One day there won't be a gap, and porn definitely isn't the one stepping up to fill it. If anything our production quality is retracting, not pushing forward.
Why did you win the citizenship award?	I'm actually not sure why they called it that, in hindsight. It went to the student who was best behaved and pulled the best grades. First grade was my peak, man.
Please disregard my username for a moment. I don't want this to sound bad and try to make you feel bad but do you ever regret going into your industry?	I don't regret going into this industry at all. It's made me who I am, and I like this person. I can't say I necessarily liked the person I was before. Couple that with the incredible experiences its given me as well as the part where I met the man with whom I now have a child.. overall it was a good deal.
Why not? ¯_(ツ)_/¯	It just seemed so natural at the time.
What is an average day like filming porn?	Long. It's a lot of waiting around. I usually nap. These are feature sets, though. The gonzo stuff that most girls do for most shoots tend to be an in and out type deal, no pun intended. A typical day for a feature set for me would involve waking up at 5am to meticulously groom every last inch of myself, driving for an hour to get outside of the county and therefore outside of the condom jurisdiction, jumping in the make up chair at 8am, realizing they hadn't written the script yet at 9am, and then going back to bed until noon. We'd wrap near midnight.
What was it like doing your cameo in The League?	It was hard not to laugh. It was all improv so it just never stopped...
What percent of porn is real?	Real how? This is probably an impossible question to answer, because if you mean "real" as in, sexual interest and orgasm, I can only answer from personal experience.
Like the story lines. Obviously the scenes with big name actors who act as random strangers who randomly meet and have sex are fake. Stuff like those "college party invasion" movies. Where its a random (or supposed to be) person. Are those people others from the industry/	For the same reason no celebrity sex tape can be accidentally leaked, no porn scene can be accidentally shot. Producers have to verify legal age with two forms of ID and get any number of signatures ahead of time to release any type of adult content. It's called 2257.
I'm putting my own spin to this question: How much of the pleasure you express is real? Does sex feel good behind camera?	Sex absolutely feels good. Certain positions, though, either require more time to build up to it than we're allotted, or just don't feel good at the pace that porn sets. They don't feel bad. They just won't get me there.
What is the weirdest shoot/ movie you have done?	Family Matters felt strange the whole time we were shooting it. Awkward, more than anything. There was another one where I had to shoot with an ex boyfriend..
What's your favorite movie? I guess I'm asking about movies of the non-pornographic sort, but anything works!	I've seen Natural Born Killers probably 20 times. But at least ten of those were for a school project. I'm more into the really strikingly well written TV series. Breaking Bad, The Newsroom, House of Cards..
From that blog: Were/Are you upset that Manuel was hesitant (to say the least) about some of the birthing decisions? Or was it pretty much, you knew he was just concerned for you and baby? Glad it worked all worked relatively good.	He was genuinely concerned. The conversations were never heated or antagonistic. He just couldn't understand why I would do anything other than go to a hospital if I had the choice.
Were you able to make a decent living? Have you saved some of the money for the future? Did your family know? Support? Ignore? or ??? How is your health in general and what did you do to ensure safety while working?	The living I have made in porn has been very good. I've saved a lot of that money. My family knows what I do and is for the most part supportive. My health is solid, thanks for asking. Choosing the people I worked with was the best safety measure I feel I took on set. There are others, too, but I think knowing the person you are having sex with is a generally safe thing to do.
Congrats to you and Manuel! Also, just wanted to say I loved Kayden's Review and wish your co-host didn't move. My question is: what are some good books you've read recently and would recommend?	I'm big time in a Steinbeck phase. We were talking about East of Eden in another thread. I recently discovered John Fante. Ask the Dust is his best in my opinion. I hate admitting how much I liked reading Gone Girl Gillian Flynn (Sp?). William Gibson has a book called 'Distrust that Particular Flavor'. I have fun coming back to it but I can't seem to read too much in one sitting. I did finish the newest Malcolm Gladwell book in one sitting though. Worth it.
What were you like in high school?	I couldn't effectively give a book report. The only class I ever ditched was PE. I was in FFA and refused to wear the jacket because I looked bad in corduroy.. and if this hasn't been inferred by now I was socially apathetic and/or stunted. It's hard to tell whether I cared or not, looking back.
Have you read anything from chuck palahniuk? If so what is your favorite work from him? Also dog or cat person?	I've probably read about half of his work. 'Guts' was the most moving, physiologically speaking--the short from one of his novels. I can't remember the title of the novel itself. Just that that chapter made me ill.
Can you please ask if Isis Taylor will be my Valentine?	I will try to pass that along. Her husband may pose a problem for you, though.
Who is/was your favorite porn star to work with?	Manuel Ferrara was and is and will always be.
Just wanted to tell you I'm a fan from Lebanon beirut. I love you. Anyway will you ever do a scene with Anissa Kate ?	I don't know Anissa Kate. I'm sure she's lovely but I can't at this time give you an answer one way or another.
I actually just googled you. You are beautiful. Anyway, my question is. Why are male porn stars so buttfuck ugly?	They're not all ugly. The first thing the industry looks for in a guy is whether he can get his dick hard. Everything else comes second to that. Hence, sometimes they don't look very good.
Graham Crackers or Animal Crackers?	Graham Crackers. duh.
Would you be disappointed if your daughter went into porn?	I wouldn't want that for her. It's not a reliable profession, the stigma is not something I'd want her to deal with, and each year the risk/reward ratios change for the worse. I'm very happy with what I've gotten from porn, but that setting doesn't exist anymore, and likely won't again.
What things do new actresses consider when picking their porn name?	These days they have to consider whether someone before them has used the name already. I think we're suffering a porn name shortage.
Without going into too much detail, what's the kinkiest thing you'd be willing to do in a porn video?	Eh. I've never been known for being particularly kinky. There's not much detail to provide. I like the old fashioned stuff. Penis in vagina type stuff.
Where would you say you fall on the political spectrum?	Left of center, for sure. Maybe far left.
What kind of music (if any) do you listen to when you write? Also, I hope you're having a nice week!	I don't listen to anything intentionally. Just whatever Manuel is playing in the next room, which is usually a video game.
What's the film industry like? The people, directors, income, stuff like that.	Like anything there is a wide mix of people. Because it's a form of entertainment, egos seem to be more prominent than if you were to examine, say, and accountant's office. Income varies widely too. Some girls are struggling just to get bookings and some girls won't step out of the house for the kind of money anyone else would be thrilled to make in a 40 hour work week. Porn tends to attract more extreme personalities, not that that's good or bad. It just is. Sorry. That's a broad question that I probably really didn't shed much light on at all.
How's motherhood treating you? What your daughter's name?	It's making all the days blend together in one long series of naps but it's amazing. I'm not putting pictures of her online or things like her name, etc.. but yeah. She's perfect.
What do you think it is, inside of you, that fundamentally makes you want to pursue pursue a career in porn? Is it your passion?	Lack of direction got me started. Other things kept me in.
I've been trying to develop a documentary about relationships in the porn industry. As someone in the industry, do you think that is worthwhile material to explore?	It's a rabbit's hole you're about to fall down...
I've listened to a few of your podcasts, and it seems some of the moderators are winging it and wasting a rare opportunity to talk with an intelligent, witty and interesting woman such as yourself. How do you feel?	I feel like interviews in all forms are really just winging it and sometimes the chemistry between those involved produce gold, or at least something worth tuning into, and sometimes they flop and everyone feels the heavy blanket of failure for a good five minutes following the event. One can never know, going in.
Would you mind elaborating on what "some other stuff" is referring to in your title?	A little writing. A little acting. A little hosting. A few hobbies. Some behind the scenes stuff. Here I'm doing an AMA. I keep busy.
Without having read the entire AMA and still hoping to get a response without repeating a question - Does having your makeup done typically last longer than the shoot itself?	It would if I were shooting gonzo.. but I shoot features and they're typically 14-16 hour days. So, no. But I see your point there.
How do you handle the sexual tensions with fellow male actors, did you ever had feelings for an actor after work?	There isn't usually much tension because the sex is sort of guaranteed. I have dated a couple of guys I've worked with. I am with one now.
What do you think is the best video (that didn't feature Manuel) you've been in?	Mmmm... Maybe Family Matters?
How was your experience in filming the "No One Survives" video for Nekrogoblikon? That last scene was fantastic, by the way.	It was so much fun. The blood at the end was freezing cold but it gave me a nice goose bump effect.
Kayden, are you having much luck recovering your lost Unkrossed blog entries?	Yes! Someone provided me with a link to the web archives so I've been slowly getting them all back up. Or most of them. I don't know how I'd even know if I were missing entries.
Have you gained any long-term friends as a result of being in the industry?	Some of the best people in my life are people I've met in this industry. I think they will always be in my life.
What's your favorite cereal?	Life cereal, I think. It's been a long time since I ate cereal. It would have to be with bananas or nothing would be okay.
Pancakes or waffles?	Pancakes for sure.
The Left Handed Rock.	Wow I think he just did my job for me.
You just replied to me, OMG. This is going on my future résumé.	Well you replied to me too. This is very reciprocal.

Last updated: 2014-02-11 00:07 UTC
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2014.01.24 02:46 sam_buscus [6th] [Meta]: Fighting Type Friday Tomorrow at 5:00 PM EST!

Some of you may have caught my earlier post advertising my next giveaway--4-6 IV Meditites and Croagunks with 4 egg moves! Anyway, that's going to be taking place at five tomorrow for east coasters (is that a thing?) and I have exactly a box of each. The giveaway will be over the GTS, and I hope to continue these day-of-the-week-alliteration-giveaways in the near future! (Ex: "Steel Type Saturday", (Good) Luvdisc Valentine's Day", etc.) Please leave a suggestion below for types or days that you want to see! Thanks, and make sure to look out for the giveaway tomorrow!
Link to the previous post with the giveaway details!
TL;DR: Giveaway including Meditites and Croagunks tomorrow at 5:00 PM EST. Also please read the long text, I tried very hard on it. :D

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Valentine alliteration

Song of the Week: Crush With Eyeliner

Wednesday, March 15, 2017

THE CHAD METHOD METHOD WRITING IN THE 22ND CENTURY 12/7/2016 David Xzavier Crichton

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Intensely Inventive and (Ideally) Inspiring Intro

Part 1 The Boot Camp Chronicles:

Part 2: Viet…Guam?

Part 3 – Marching Powder with a side of Summer Teeth

Outro

February 1 Fandom “Title” Rating Offsite link/wordcount

FIRST THINGS FIRST: You should be using this -> SKULLHEART.COM

FIRST THINGS FIRST: ^You ^should ^be ^using ^this ^-> SKULLHEART.COM