People on social media often talk about “good writing” as if it has some formula we can ascertain. Writers through the centuries have written style guides, academics have come up with narrative theories, but good writing is not something that is canonically accepted or formally laid out. This discourse is reductive. Great works get elevated by a consensus overtime, criticism and analysis follows.
Im doing the same in this post ….I realize the irony, but just because there is no universal standard of “good writing”, this doesn’t mean we can’t talk about it… to facilitate critique, to teach the craft of writing and to have a common understanding.
The reason I’m talking about this is to illustrate why even though “good writing” is useful, it is also reductive, due to tastes, the purpose of a work, genre etc. I have to build the framework to deconstruct it lol. The reason we feel compelled to put “good writing” in quotations imo is this very duality, we acknowledge the utility of the discourse and why it is reductive simultaneously.
Anyway, this is far from encompassing mind you, and im not an authority, these are just some personal thoughts based on reading books by others who are way smarter than me and how people talk about the craft of writing. Theres also way more categories than 4, but these heuristics work for the purposes of casual discussion and avoiding dreaded terms like “peak” and “mid” as if those constitute an argument in themselves.
Also in reality, these categories intertwine and reinforce one another, creating a work that is more than the sum of its parts.

1.Plot

How does the narrative move from point a to b? What are the events in the story taking place, the story beats, how are they sequenced? Does it have good hooks, foreshadowing, a long term plan, goals for the protagonist? For weekly manga, is it interesting week to week, by volume, by arcs? What are the narrative devices used, 3 act structures, kishotenketsu, freytags triangle, The heroes journey, more avant garde sensibilities. Is the plotting complementing the tone, and themes and genre the work is in? Plotting is the machinery of the narrative, how events move, pacing, planning.

2.Themes

What are the ideas and motifs explored by a work? What is the tone, the emotions, the symbolism, the message of the story? Themes can be singular or multifarious, and shallow or deep. Themes aren’t always immediately accessible, and are not an account of the explicit events of the narrative.There is a subtlety to its execution. Much thematic analysis is subtext, metaphor, analogy. Good theming in writing is not just how deep an idea is, or how well it is communicated, but how it is infused into all aspects of a work…. dialogue, characters, arcs etc.

3.Character writing

The 5 cs of storytelling. A character in conflict makes choices that have consequences that lead to change. What are the characters motivations, why are they doing things, what is their back story, is their behavior consistent, how does their journey reinforce the themes and ideas? Mostly though, are the characters relatable and fleshed out, do we see them as a person and not just a collection of images and words. With an ensemble of characters, how do their dynamics bounce of each other, and do these dynamics feed into the narrative well? Friends, rivals, mentors, romantic interests, antagonists…. all these have different roles to play in a narrative.

4.Worldbuilding

How believable is the world that is being crafted? How intricately are the details laid out? Does this feel like an alternate universe with internally consistent rules? Do we know the physics, the biology, the economics, the politics of this world and how does this impact the characters, the motifs, the plot itself. People most often apply worldbuiilding to fantasy and sci fi stories, as they have to actively construct an alternate or speculative universe, but grounding real world details ,history and scope in stories based in our world also requires this. Not to mention much fantasy and sci fi symbolism is based on our worlds myths. Worldbuilding is not just about scale but believability, it can be vast or intimate.

Evaluating Shonen Jump's roster through this lens…..is interesting

Ive said before that bad writing gets weeded out by jumps system, but “good writing” isnt the only important thing in the magazine. Theming and hooks and art and appealing characters matter quite a bit as well. However, I think Jump does require consistency, but some series are exceptional in certain areas.
-One piece is obviously a monument to worldbuilding, not just within jump but all of manga. Its long form storytelling not only creates a dense believable world, it feels consistent and alive thanks to the characters and places luffy explores. The real strength of it though is how the worldbuilding reinforces and highlights its themes and motifs, freedom and control, amplifies its sense of adventure and doles out plot hooks as it escalates in scale over time.
-Akane banashi has different strengths, its focuses on character and themes. It very quickly establishes akanes personality, her drive and pluckiness, but also her motivations regarding her father. Then within the first arc, its exploring interesting ideas regarding art. The first arc for example is about authentic artistic expression vs needing to be responsive to the audience and crowd, which akane learns very quickly. Its a fundamental question in art, but it makes it fun and engaging using a spokon format, and weaves it into her story as well.
Other series are consistent across categories without focusing on one. Undead unluck has an ambitious high concept, breakneck plotting, solid character writing, interesting themes that feed into its power system and characters, and worldbuilding that takes the term more literally.
Its interesting looking at what series focus on, and what seems to be prioritized by jump. This varies by genre and the expectations therein. Character writing is very important in a romance for example which is what blue box focuses on and is great at, whereas a battle shonen needs to have good plotting to ensure it remains interesting and engaging from week to week.
Conversely when you look at series that get axed, you often notice weaknesses in one or more of these categories. These are pretty well documented, I dont need to go over examples, as figuring out what a series does poorly is much easier than figuring out what works.
Obviously im not an arbiter of quality or taste and we can disagree on the merits of different series and which works are the best, but this is just to illustrate how having common frameworks can at least facilitate discussion that starts on the same page. If people have an analysis of different series using this ,id like to read it lol.
Anyway, I hope you get the point. And now we shall use this to examine why this framework is reductive, using the example of Kagurabachi.
So in another post, I responded to someone with my thoughts on the merits of Kagurabachis writing, and thought it was a good launching point for a discussion.
This was the response in question I made regarding Kagurabachi.

On Kagurabachi and its polarization

Kagurabachi is fascinating, because you always get diametrically opposed opinions on the series, people who like it will focus on the positive and people who don’t will do the opposite.
If we take the categories I mentioned with regards to “good writing”, Plotting, themes, character writing and worldbuilding, I think it delivers in the ways that it needs to for its genre and audience....but with obvious weaknesses that others can point to as well. Its superficial appeal obviously does a lot of heavy lifting, but there is more to it as well.
Kagurabachi actually has very good plotting imo, moving the narrative from a to b, foreshadowing, sequencing, pacing. Its engaging, and its uses narrative structure well. The Sojo arc uses both a 3 act structure and kishotenketsu for example, while still being entertaining. It also blends cinematic composition with narrative form.
In terms of themes, it isnt deep literature, but it has ambition. The sojo arc examines authorial intent with regard to the blades, chihiros protect the weak vigilantism vs sojos destructiveness, and chihiro winning because he accepts different interpretations, which his father encouraged him to do himself. "death of the author" etc. Other characters have other philosophies, hiyuki is government control, kyora is transactional ethics. The blades are an allegory for weopons of destruction.
However, in terms of character writing and worldbuilding, I wouldnt say its bad per se, but it is very underdeveloped. We only have some inkling about chihiro and char, and a little of hakuri, but the rest of the characters have very little elaboration so far. The thing is the story is so laser focused on plot and theme, it overlooks this aspect a little too often.
On worldbuilding, its a really interesting alternate history japan setting, but nothing about it has been fleshed out to any realistic degree. People are still guessing at it. This extends to the power system as well, which is relatively unexplained, which some have an issue with. Thats a matter of preference though.
Saying kagurabachi is mid in every way is fine for one to say, but I disagree on this assessment of all its aspects of writing. It is certainly "mid" in certain aspects, but it has strengths as well ...which is why its resonating imo. It is also only 31 chapters in, so I reserve full judgement till at least a few more arcs are done.
This eithe or mentality on writing gets reductive imo. Kagurabachi is great on plotting, good on themes, but mediocre on character writing and worldbuilding. Its 2/4. But the sum total of the writing of a work is also an amalgamation that is more than the sum of its parts, but im going on too long here anyway lol.
For now its plotting and themes can sustain interest, but in the long run, it needs to flesh out its characters and worldbuilding imo. This is all to be determined.
But honestly, its an accomplished work for a rookie mangaka who is 23 years old.

Whats the problem?....why “good writing” is still reductive

This post worked as a response on social media, but I just want to point out why it is reductive as well.
1.”Good writing” cannot be separated from what a work is trying to do.
Kagurabachi may be a tale focused on plot and themes, and elaborating on worldbuilding may get in the way of that. We don’t know how long the story is as well, it could be 100 chapters, it could be 300. Side character focus may also get in the way of its laser focused theming, an elaborate power system bogging down the cinematic qualities. Just using heuristics doesn’t work until we know the scope of a work in its entirety and what its trying to do. This doesn’t mean we cant critique, it just means it bears keeping in mind as a story evolves.
2.Manga is not just a written form, it also tells its story through art. Art analysis is part of “good writing’’
People throw around expressions like “show don’t tell” for good reason, but the exposition of a mixed media form like manga is more complicated than just words. Composition and choreography are buzzwords …what do they mean? Composition pertains to a single panel and how it is laid out, choreography is how we move from panel to panel. Kagurabachi has cinematic composition …you hear people say this, it uses dynamic “camera” angles and staging, blocking etc etc , its choreography communicates speed and its also legible. It also tells its story, its part of its writing. The build up to the sojo fight, a wide shot then close ups, using the language of samurai movies and western films like kill bill. This creates a tone. The battle ends in a chapter, mere seconds in universe. The themes I mentioned before highlighted by this framework. Art does the heavy lifting.
3.Genre and audience expectation
Different genres have different standards, expectations, metrics. What makes a good slice of life is different to what makes a good battle shonen. Moreover, the demographic matters as well. Childrens literature and YA novels have different evaluative criteria than classical literature….and of course so does a shonen jump manga. There are tropes, motifs, conventions that if you arent privy to, will undermine analysis.
Kagurabachi is a battle shonen, but it is influenced by cinematic form and the aesthetics of western media as well. Part of why I find it interesting is because I am a fan of cinema and graphic novels, but this comes with the baggage of needing to understand blended media forms and cultural analysis. Hokazono has said kagurabachi is a vision of japan as cool, as seen through the prism of western media, but written by a Japanese man. This context is important.
Shonen Jump manga specifically also have a set of expectations people have talked about. The book, “the shonen jump guide to making manga” has an interesting set of ideas not just about how to make manga, but about character writing, page and panel flow, theme , readability etc… that lots of mangakas speak about to make it big in the magazine. Surviving in the magazine means considering this, the demographic, the constraints of jumps toc system , and how to appeal to a wide enough audience.
4.The Problem of “taste” and “preference”
Philosophers in aesthetics debate preference and taste. Can we separate out preferences from critique? Immanuel Kant called this the distinction between judgment and perception. Literary criticism has all kinds of schools of thought, I won’t get into it. The core point is, can we determine good writing independent of our tastes? Part of media literacy is understanding this, that there is debate and we should know this.
Beyond academic discussion, how does this impact discourse on social media? Some people assume if they don’t like something, that means that it is bad. Others think that they aren’t biased and can assume some degree of objectivity.
Kagurabachi has a very specific tone, its not going to appeal to everyone. Some will like it for it , some wont. Just because it doesnt appeal to you doesn’t mean its “badly written”, but just because it does appeal to you, doesnt mean its “well written”. This is what some call the aftertaste of taste. It infects how we analyze and critique art. The only mature thing to do imo, is acknowledge it.
I like kagurabachi so I am biased. I should disclose this. This doesn’t mean I cant critique it, but its an inevitable part of analysis that I feel honest critique should entail. That was one thing missing from my original post though.
Whether Kagurabachi has “good writing” or “bad writing” will not be solved by me or anyone else, it’s a consensus that may emerge over time, one that not everyone will agree on either.
Part of generating that consensus is continued discussions about this though, using whatever frameworks or heuristics, but discussion that is informed, critical, and constructive.

I've had quite a bit of fun over the last several weeks building a new Proxmox Hyperconverged Ceph Cluster and using some used Mellanox SN2700 switches we picked up, however the one thing I'd like to change is not using a SONiC image I built myself (it's own huge pain in the ass to be honest, and I can't see to get a clean build).
I've put in inquiry's to Nvidia directly, as well as through some channel partners on Cumulus licensing costs, but it is taking forever to hear back. I'd be open to Nvidia's Sonic and Onyx too but it seems like support for those is waning.
Does anyone have any advice on this front? Basically looking for a stable NOS that has MLAG support built-in....I'm not the first one on this subreddit to bring it up, but I'd like to see what people's experience lately has been?
Thanks in advance for any advice.

Random had stood and made his case Before The Northern Court of the Arch Fae and it had gone... well?
He had dealed and bargained, tricked and charmed, willed and won a place for human nature among the spirits of the frozen top of the world. At one point, he'd used a small trick he'd learned from a game to create tiny auroras and used his knowledge of the cosmos to convince the arch fey of the north that he was the regent of Polaris, come to bridge the elemental metals of the deep Earth with the stars. It had technically been a lie, but they'd bought it.
Still, there was a feeling deep in the pit of his stomach that told him that this was not over yet, and almost as soon as he had the thought, he woke in the mountain cave he'd wandered to in order to seek out the Fay, with a splitting headache, short of breath. By the faint embers left in the dark cave, he could see the snow had pilled up in front of the cave entrance and the room had filled with smoke from the fire while he meditated.
*crap*
He tried standing up to get over to the entrance as fast as possible. Immediately, his vision blossomed into blooms of pain and he had to still himself.
Ok. Bad idea. That was absolutely horrible.
Slowly then.
On hands and knees he struggled forward, low to the ground, trying to control his increasingly urge-driven gasping breathing, as if through a house on fire. Reaching the snow-covered entrance, he tried to melt it with a simple thermal spell from his fingers... to find that nothing at all had happened. His magic was simply gone. Without breath, he could neither maintain concentration nor incant words of power upon the world.
But he could dig.
And crawl.
And try to tunnel with his arms outstretched.
Utill a numb purple hand, and then an arm, and a shoulder and a head and a body emerged into the freezing dark night air, which cut into his lungs like shards of ice. But he was alive.
And as breath slowly returned to him, after an hour or so of lying exhausted, completely spent in his vaguely warm cloak on the terribly cold, empty snowy plain, he realized something strange...
But he wasn't really sure what it was at first.
And then he noticed:
He was looking up at the sky.
And the strange thing was that the sky seemed to be looking down at him, Polaris ever so slightly above the center of his vision.
And just as he noticed this, as if in answer, it burst into aurora brighter than any he had ever seen.
And then he noticed something else, perhaps the oddest thing of all:
His own arm, outstretched, the five points of his fingers reaching out on their own and casting the colors into the sky.
"huh... that's... really cool."
And then he fell unconscious.
...
A day later, a search party that had set out to find him and followed the aurora to the mountains north of cosmopolis found his body, cold and frostbitten, but alive. They brought him back and placed him in a hot spring to recover.

Hi all! First off, so glad this sub reddit exists because it was a life saver when I was making decisions on my own ACLr and knowing what to expect from surgery. I'm a 2x cancer surviver, Paramedic, Rugby player, and now have been a caregiver to my partner who just celebrated 3 months from her own ACLr. I collected a bunch of advice and tips and tricks that I have used both during cancer treatment, my own experience with ACLr, and now through care taking my partner through hers. I know there have been guides before, but mine is a bit different and aimed at caregivers so I thought I'd post it here since ya'll helped me so much instead of it just circulating the rugby community every time a teammate or friend has to have ACLr or some other reconstruction. Hope it's allowed and helps!
A Cancer Patients Guide To Knee Reconstruction Recovery
A Comprehensive Guide To Surviving and Thriving In the Pre and Post-op Period Built From The Perspective of Caretaker and Patient.
Before The Date
__/__/____

Preparation

It is important to adequately prepare for surgery in the weeks and days leading up to the procedure. A significant period of immobility and reliance on support can be expected immediately post-op and will vary by procedure and personal experience. Physical modification of living space and thorough preparation allows for the immediate post-op period to be free of emergency store runs and the small inconveniences that can add up to big frustration. Not having food and drink nearby as well as other essentials may be a small deal now, but can turn into a big deal when you can no longer get those things for yourself. While physical preparation (home modifications, adaptive tools, meal prepping, etc.) are important, mental preparation is crucial to the long term success of the repair. Making small, achievable goals in the immediate post-op period and maintaining a long sighted view of recovery will make the pain and immobility that is initially experienced more bearable. Additionally, social support through a partner, family members, or friends is an essential part of recovery, as is maintaining contact with sports teams or other social groups during rehabilitation.

General PEARLs

• Pre-surgical rehab is an essential part of recovery and can improve immediate outcome so if it is a resource available to you- use it!
• Learn the basics of your procedure such as reconstruction technique, graft type, surgeons recovery timeline, where you will do your rehab, and what you should expect going into and coming out of surgery. Knowledge is power and can give a sense of control and set reasonable expectations in a situation that is otherwise out of your control.
• Seek out positive experiences and recovery stories from other people who have had your procedure and gather as much advice as possible from resources such as ACL. Know that some people will have negative experiences, everyone is an individual, and that much of your long term recovery is in your control.
• Expect and learn to advocate for yourself or the person you are taking care of. Be vocal and honest with any needs you may have and understand that issues may come up in the immediate post-operative time that you as a patient or caregiver may have to contact your surgeon to resolve. Familiarize yourself with who to call and when *before* you leave after surgery, as well as being quick to call with any questions or problems that arise. It is better to be told that what you are experiencing is normal than to sit with the anxiety of the unknown.
• Create a folder with all relevant information: Surgeons name, procedure information, follow-up appointment dates and times, phone numbers, emergency contacts, facility of choice in an emergency situation, and any other important information. Maintain this folder throughout your recovery and add paperwork as it comes.

Days Leading Up To Surgery

• Contact support people and confirm any arrangements that have been made including but not limited to: Who is taking you to/from surgery, child or pet care, transportation to first PT appointments, meals, etc.
• Recommended Items we found essential:
  • Ice Machine (Polarcube, etc) if at all possible
    • Recommend checking facebook marketplace or other second hand options, as they cost hundreds new but can be found for $40 or so used.
    • Studies have shown these do actually reduce pain and lend to earlier mobilisation and our experience has shown this to be essential not just immediately post-op but in the weeks and months afterwards so if you *can* obtain one you absolutely should.
  • Large sweatshirt and oversized shorts for surgery day, especially if you wear a bra, as putting clothes on after surgery can be a struggle and it’s easiest to just throw on a sweatshirt and shorts that fit over your post-op bandages and brace.
    • In particular, we found a blanket hoodie to be very useful both for going home and the first few days as it could stay on when moving around/when napping.
  • Neck Pillow
    • Helps with reading or other activities during long hours spent in bed or on the couch and really helped in the first two days to prevent neck strain and provide head positioning during napping.
  • Large pillows for body positioning and elevation of the leg
    • We found cheap, giant, dog beds from places like TJ Max or Marshalls to be more affordable than specialty products
    • A large, thin, dog bed (or blanket) rolled into a tube and secured with stretch bandage or tape around the surgical leg and brace helped significantly with comfort during sleep so that the leg was padded, comfortable, and the other leg didn’t get roughed up from the brace.
  • A shower chair
    • Can be found used at second hand stores like Goodwill, or cheap online
    • Easy substitute is a chair covered in a trash bag
    • Allowed showering the second day post-op which was a huge mental boost and relieved physical discomfort and achy muscles
  • Extra large leg cast cover
    • Can be found cheap online
    • Placed around outside of brace covering the entire leg initially, we then found it easier to place on the leg and place the brace outside of the cover for the remaining healing period for the incisions: We did this after the first PT appointment when it was safe to take off the brace for short periods while laying down. We acquired a second post op brace from a friend (you can find on eBay for cheap) and it was amazing to have, as we could let it dry after showering and immediately put her post op brace back on.
  • Foldable stool
    • Great for elevating the leg during transfers, while on the toilet, etc.
  • Lap Desk
    • Great for eating on the couch or in bed, but we also found it useful as a side table for holding drinks/meds/remotes/books that could be taken to whatever room they landed in at the time
    • A small table works as well, really just anything that can be used to set things on within arms reach
  • Assortment of sodas, water, seltzers, snacks, etc.
    • There is no way to know what you will want and when, but when you want it it’s nice to *have* it available
    • Appetite often decreases after surgery so make sure to have favourites on hand so that when you *are* hungry you have it immediately before your body changes its mind
  • A big bucket
    • We used a soft plastic beach type bucket from the dollar store, it was extremely useful to have to put small items in, a small towel, a spare water bottle, extra meds, baby wipes, etc.
    • Also doubled as an emergency puke bucket, as you never know when a sudden bout of nausea might hit in the first day or two after surgery
  • Extra reusable ice packs and bags of ice
    • Your home ice maker will not be able to keep up with the demands of constant icing the first week or so
    • Reusable ones are great for ‘hot spots’ and short trips where you can’t take the ice machine
  • Extra steri-strips and assortment of bandages
    • Sometimes there’s extra leakage, sometimes your steri-strips come off and you need to slap a new one on, sometimes you’re allergic to the ones they put on you at the hospital. Always consult a medical professional, but it’s handy to have these on hand just in case.
    • We also used a bulky padded bandaid to keep the brace off the healing incisions once the large post-op dressing was taken off which helped immensely.
  • Compression sleeves
    • Aside from helping with swelling these also provided a layer of protection under the post-op brace
    • We found cheap ones at Wal-Mart (copper brand) but also just bought a cheap pair of leggings a size down and cut off one of the legs to use before getting a more expensive one once swelling had fully subsided after a few weeks. Your leg will change so cheap works great at first, then you can get something a bit more substantial when you know what you’ll need long term. Now she wears high compression socks to sleep 3 months out.
  • Slide on shoes
    • Self explanatory, bending down to put on shoes becomes a chore after surgery. Avoid flip flops or other styles that can become a trip hazard.
  • Baby Wipes/Dude Wipes/etc.
    • Wiping down after you get home from surgery can help prevent that icky feeling and restore some sense of normalcy, then can be used over the next few days before you can shower more normally
  • Lotion and chapstick
    • Hospitals dry out your skin big time, and lips are often cracked post surgery from intubation/LMA placement
  • Small, easily labelled tupperware containers
    • Regular pill containers are too small to hold pain meds, OTC pain meds, anticoagulants such as aspirin, supplements, and edibles or other small things you take with your medication. We got small tupperware boxes with lids from the dollar store.
    • We found it very convenient to have six sets of meds set up and labelled with times which meant we never missed doses and could leave the next dose of meds at bedside, take them with us when going to appointments, and keep up with what had been given and when.
  • Small notebook to record med times and other important information
  • Two extra changes of clothes already setup and ready to go
  • Compression device
    • We are athletes so we already had leg compression sleeves but these days off brand versions can be bought online cheap. Studies have shown these lead to reduced pain, increased mobilisation, reduced the chance of blood clots, and there is even some evidence they help with bone healing.
    • We used it 3 days post op and beyond and her range of motion was significantly improved after the first time.
  • A yoga strap
    • Excellent for strapping to the brace and moving the surgical leg
• If possible, pick up post-op medications prior to surgery to prevent any unexpected delay in obtaining them. If this is not possible, verify that the prescription can be filled the day of the surgery by your selected pharmacy and that it has been filled prior to leaving after your surgery. Controlled substances cannot be transferred to another pharmacy without a new prescription sent directly from the provider. You do not want to be trying to get in contact with a physician in the hours after surgery, unable to manage pain, before the pharmacies close for the night.
• Do a thorough clean of your living area, it will make the time after surgery when you cannot independently do normal activities more bearable and a neat organised space is easier to function in when your body is not cooperating. Take special attention to removing tripping hazards and clearing a wide path from wherever you plan to spend your recovery and the bathroom.
• Plan to spend the first couple of days in one spot and on one floor and set up that area the day before surgery. If you have a downstairs bathroom a floor mattress or well setup couch can be your landing pad until you are more mobile and is the easiest during the immediate post-op period. That being said, if you don’t, it’s easier to get upstairs by sliding up on your bum immediately post-op when your pain is still well controlled than realise that you have no bathroom downstairs a few hours later when the pain has started to set in. Wherever you intend to land, plan on staying there at least a couple of days and bring all your supplies to that area. Plan to lay with your surgical leg on the outside of what you are laying on, this makes transferring easier.
• Have your recovery bed setup the day before surgery and prepared for when you return before you leave the day of, including blankets and your supply table setup.
• Meal prep, whether that means cooking or getting easy to make microwave meals is up to you. You won’t feel like cooking and neither will your caretaker the first few days. High protein, easy to eat meals are key! We had chicken and broccoli casserole, egg and sausage frittata, and lots of applesauce the first few days and it was a lifesaver not to have to think about meals.
• Spend some time mentally preparing for the long haul of recovery and make long term plans that fit within your timeline. For example, we planned to attend a rugby game five days after surgery *but* planned nothing else for that day and the next day. We also planned hiking trips the next fall, and other events appropriate for her timeline along the way that could be looked forward to and keep up morale. Remember that this is temporary and that it is okay to be recovering and resting, expect hard moments and days but keep things planned so you don’t get stuck in those down places.
• Eat your favourite meal and eat well the day before surgery. Your body needs fuel to recover and fasting the day of surgery sucks. As weird as it sounds, after multiple surgeries, the pre-surgery night meal of whatever I want is one shiny thing in a crappy situation to hold on to.
• Plan for what you want your first meal to be and consider making a playlist for the ride to and from surgery. Small things, again, help maintain a sense of control and comfort in a situation where you are largely out of control and these things can be done with friends or support people in the days leading up to reduce anxiety and pass time.
• Hit the gym, take a walk, do a hike, visit places or do things you enjoy but won’t be able to do in immediate recovery! We took my partners knee to one last tournament before her surgery, it helped pass time and kept spirits high.

Day Of And Immediate Post-Surgery Phase

• Maintain fasting starting at whatever hour you are told. Some people can drink clear liquids up to a certain point, others are completely nothing by mouth. Your instructions will guide you on this.
• Before leaving home double check that everything is set up how you need it and place a blanket, pillow, drink, and snack of choice in the car. You may or may not need it but if you do it is important to have. Make sure your ice packs are in the freezer ready to go!
• Bring your own post-op snack if you are picky or have food allergies, otherwise you’re stuck with whatever graham cracker and applesauce combo the facility gives you.
• Go with the flow, or as I always say “surrender”. Feel what you feel, have a cry in the car before you go in, listen to your playlist, bring your blanket or other comfort items into pre-op, tell your support person what’s going through your mind, tell your pre-op staff how you’re doing, ask all the questions, and most importantly just do what you have to do. For some people surgery can be overwhelming and the loss of control frightening, but fighting only makes it worse, so whatever you are just be it. I’m pre-op pacer myself, but some people just snuggle up under some warm blankets and wait. Either way, just let the waves take you where they go and know you’re along for the ride. Remember that future you with a healthy joint thanks you for what you’re doing today.
• Speak frankly with your anesthesiologist and utilise any pain control or anxiety control options given to you. There is no award for least meds taken or toughest patient of the day. If a nerve block is available, know that you can request sedation for its placement, and utilise that option if at all possible.
• Caregivers should bring something to keep them entertained and be prepared for a long period without update once surgery has started. Honour your feelings as well, it can be tough to watch someone you care about go through this! Consider having someone to act as a support person for you as well through text or phone, that way you can divert your own worries or struggles to them and away from the person having surgery while still making sure you are also taken care of.
• Make sure that pain is well controlled before leaving after surgery. You have more options there than you will at home and getting things under control once pain has become unbearable can be very difficult.
• Make sure you note when the next dose of medication is due, what medication they should be taking, and write it down.
• Double check contacts from your surgeons office and add any post op paperwork to your folder in case you need the information later.
• If your post-op meal requires picking up, or your prescription, try and do that immediately after leaving surgery even if you are not hungry yet. This is the most comfortable you will be for a while and your support person will be unable to leave for at least that day and night. I have been known to peruse the big gas station after surgery in search of snacks, my partner however simply waved to the nice people at the drive through and napped the rest of the way home before eating some hours later.
• Once you get home crash wherever you plan on spending the rest of the time. Don’t have friends or family over that first day. Just go ahead and sleep through the rest of the anaesthesia and get comfortable.
• Try and keep your home cool, and consider keeping the room dim for the first few hours if not days. Sleep is precious and pain meds can make you hot, and getting hot can lead to nausea. It is better to have the home cool and the person snuggled under blankets and comfortable than be trying to cool someone down who just had surgery and got too hot and is now dizzy, nauseous, and miserable. The least stimulation for the first little while the better, and naps will happen throughout the rest of the day and over the next few days. A cool, dim place lets this happen much easier than a bright, warm place where they might be overstimulated or awakened by noise or activity.
• If allowed, try and activate the quad muscle immediately after returning home and once every few hours by having them squeeze it and feeling for contraction while in the brace. Some people will be able to begin range of motion exercises immediately and if so, make sure to do them as soon as allowed even if that means just helping them by doing gentle manual range of motion movements in the brace.
• If it’s not already on, begin continuous icing as soon as you come out of surgery either by meticulously timing the replacement of ice packs or with the ice machine. Make sure to check the ice machine, replace ice as often as needed, and keep it on *continuously* for the next few days. For us this meant I checked it at every medication dose throughout the night and added ice during that time as well. We went through frozen mini water bottles and bags of ice like crazy the first week.
• Elevate the surgical leg as high as possible, placing support under the heel and calf but not directly under the knee to promote extension and prevent more headaches with gaining range of motion later on.
  • We found that icepacks directly under the knee helped tremendously with the discomfort associated with this.
• Anticipate that bathroom trips will not be fun or easy and take them extremely slow. As a caregiver allow the person to guide you on what they need and don’t need your help with and avoid grabbing or moving someone unexpectedly. Standing, acclimating to being upright, and then proceeding to the bathroom is the best way to do things and rushing will only result in frustration for both of you. A rolling chair or wheelchair can be helpful, but for some people standing up and sitting down is harder than just moving on to the bathroom. Pay attention as a caregiver and know that it is possible they may need your help getting off the toilet or back from the bathroom so be close by and available should that happen. For the first few days do not lock the bathroom door in case of an emergency.
• Place chairs or things to sit on around your path to the bathroom, kitchen, etc. And consider a small backpack or using a rolling chair to carry items around the house.
• Once you know when your next dose is, set alarms for each time your doses are due. If using the med boxes this makes doing meds and keeping track very easy, as they are each labelled with a time and all we had to do was open the box and take the meds instead of finding each bottle and dosing each med individually each time. As the days went on we were able to re-label and time the boxes as needed and remove meds as needed or adapt to what was needed when sleeping or up during the day.
  • For example day 1 would look like:
    • First post-op doses at 4pm box: 250mg tylenol, 10mg oxycodone, 5mg edible.
    • 8pm box: 250mg tylenol, 10mg oxycodone, 800mg ibuprofen, 10mg edible, 12.5mg diphenhydramine (itching and sleep), stool softener, and regular night time meds.
    • Midnight box: 250mg tylenol, 5mg oxycodone, 5mg edible.
    • 4AM: 250mg tylenol, 5mg oxycodone, 800mg ibuprofen, edible (if nauseas or restless).
    • 8AM box (preparing to get up): 250mg tylenol, 10mg oxycodone, 5mg edible, aspirin, stool softener, normal morning meds.
    • 12pm: 250mg tylenol, 10mg oxycodone, 5mg edible, 800mg ibuprofen.
    • Repeated on time, reducing pain med dose as tolerable, and refilling boxes 1x a day.
• If possible do scheduled tylenol (paracetamol) and ibuprofen (or another NSAID), alternating them on the dosing schedule, and take them religiously even through the night. This also goes for additional pain medications, which you will also need to wake to take through the night if you are prescribed for at least the first night.
• Staying on schedule might mean waking up in the night, but it’s better to be awoken to take meds than to wake up in pain and spend several hours trying to get it under control. You may find you seldom need them if your nerve block is in place, or you may just not need very much at all during your recovery. It is easier to trial run this after the first day by stretching out the time between doses from 4 to 6 to 8 and then potentially off entirely, but everyone will have their preferences.
• Eat a small snack with every med dose and keep emergency meds (extra pain med doses, nausea meds, etc.) at bedside as well as the next set of meds due so they can be taken when it is time.
• We found that edibles were a great addition to pain and nausea control after surgery. There are medication options available and having at least one option for nausea is advisable for the first few days after surgery when anaesthesia and medication can really make you want to puke.
• Expect absolutely nothing in the first few days post-op. Some people will feel well enough to move around, others will not be able to do anything but get up to use the bathroom. Expecting nothing is better than expecting more and being disappointed or frustrated. I would highly suggest not making plans until your first follow up 7 or so days after surgery.
• Be obsessive about icing, meds, any PT you have been given, and keeping track of appointments. Give yourself the best start to your recovery that you can and you will thank yourself later!

Major Feature Improvements:

• Allow passing fields into show message/ask question
  
• Break Point Block needs to be able to Manually skip - like F8
  
• New Dx Back End
  

Minor Feature Improvements:

• Add a way to order back end panels
  
• Add copy form to visions forms/lists
  
• Advanced Filter Panel - Move to the top of the grid
  
• Allow user to choose the styling mode for grid buttons
  
• Change tablenames to start with XPOR_
  
• Composite Field Builder - Output to variable
  
• Context Menu Icons
  
• Custom group by for date columns
  
• Download feature required on file field control
  
• Email Campaign Manager - Send dry run live
  
• Email Manager - Cant view a batch recipients content
  
• Grid height to accept VH and offset
  
• Grids total records - give option to show/hide
  
• Have a LOCAL Clear Cache button on Modeller
  
• Image and link options on HTML editors
  
• Manual refresh button for Back end Panels
  
• New Panel - My Recent Items
  
• Object Browser COUNT of objects missing
  
• Object selectors for Objects should only return permitted object types
  
• ON ERROR block
  
• Option to delete an object when it is open in the backend
  
• Remove Inheritance Option for Object Types
  
• TinyMCE menu bar does not have "xpor image" or "xpor link" in
  
• Xflow history diagrams only update when the page is refreshed
  

Minor Bug Fixes:

• Appointment Object Types Interface is broken
  
• Back end navigation list not obeying "obsolete"
  
• Can't add Close Shadowbox after an Ask Question block.
  
• Can't clear out a Date Field control
  
• Diary Manager - Speed Optimisation and improvements
  
• Email - Preview in campaign manager should NOT contribute to links clicked / images viewed for that email
  
• Handling Deleted items that are included on Models
  
• HTML Atom editor toolbar disappears under top bar - cannot use it.
  
• html on login atom
  
• Image field not showing new image after save
  
• Jump to not ignoring surrounding spaces
  
• Mobile hidden should only hide the column
  
• Render login Link builder
  
• showing a minimised form breaks the HTML fields
  

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Hello, I’m a 19 year old revert girl from England so preferably sisters only, however I believe a male perspective on this would be interesting, as maybe i could be incorrect. For the past 4 months and especially all through my teen life my brothers have been making rude comments towards me, picking on almost everything I do. I have a particular interest and they mock it, mock how I look, mock my body etc. last night one of my brothers decided to joke about something deeply traumatic i had experienced in front of his girlfriend and my mum. Bear in mind he is a year older than me and therefore an adult, his behaviour is surprising. my main issue is that my mother brushes off his behavior saying "men will be men" "boys mature slower than girls" "he doesn't understand", however i knew if i made these kind of comments my mum would kill me. She is extremely defensive over his behavior, and even tries to explain that he has ADHD. If i tell my mum i feel anxious about exams, or believe religon/therapy helps people overcome these specific things, i am some crazy mental lunatic who has too many problems. I have washed these boys clothes every day, cooked for them every day, washed and up after them every day and i almost feel this deep resentment because of the unfairness, how if i merely react i am in the wrong. i am attempting to study to get into medical school and focus on my deen since im currently having to hide it, and this is becoming a major struggle. The only thing thats stopping me from absolutely loosing it is Islam haha. any advice would be appreciated

I’m at my wits end and I really need some help or direction. I (28f) have always had issues with my hormones. I’m average height and weight and my family has a history of low hormones but not anything that’s been treated by a doctor.
I didn’t have a period until I was 17 and that was only after multiple sonograms, ultrasounds, blood tests, and putting me on estrogen/progesterone to medically induce a period. Back then, I was told I was too skinny so my body wasn’t producing hormones like it should. There was also talk about possibly having PCOS. Once my body started menstruating on its own with the help of birth control, my periods were awful and painful. I had suicidal ideation while I was on birth control so I stopped taking it.
Afterwards, my periods would start and stop randomly for years. I think I went almost a year without a period and then ended up having one for 6 weeks straight. At this point, I went to an OBGYN and she told me I could have a partial hysterectomy due to my severe side effects of birth control. At 26, I had my uterus removed and that has been one of the best decisions I made. The OBGYN found lots of endometriosis during this process as well.
But lately I’ve become more aware of symptoms that I probably should’ve taken account of before. No libido, extreme fatigue, irritability, really hot sometimes and sweat during the night, muscle weakness and loss.
I had been looking at previous hormone tests and they all fall in the “normal” range. I’ll be honest, I don’t know how to read all of them but the testosterone test. My T serum test peaked at 19 years old with 25 ng/dL. My most recent serum test before my hysterectomy was 14 ng/dL and records show it has steadily dropped over the years. I recently had a free testosterone direct blood test done and it came back as 0.8 pg/mL.
Every single test has been labeled as normal but I still have all these weird symptoms. I have an appointment with an endocrinologist next month but I’m afraid they’ll say the same thing. I know google doesn’t hold much weight but everything I’ve looked at has said at least my testosterone is low. But no doctor has said anything is low.
I just want to live a normal life and feel good in my body again. Please help or give advice, anything at all!! I feel so alone and like I’m going nuts.

I’m a (25m) recently sober alcoholic. My drinking habits ranged from a few beers a day to 15 beers a day and some weeks none at all so it was all over the place. I drank for about 5 years. I have been having really bad medical anxiety about having done damage to my body by drinking. I have had tons of blood work and scans done and everything has come up fine other than some GERD but I am still worried about my liver and kidneys and wanted to know what are some signs I should be looking out for. I had a liver enzyme test recently and that came back fine.

Said rules lawyer had a plan, see. Become a god and annoy people with the most intrusive mass surveillance system any world had ever known so that they could pretend the rules on targeting shit don't exist and counter their magic from another plane.
Not a great start, but I figured some amusing insanity could follow, might as well indulge for a bit. How on earth does one supposedly become a god?
Apparently the first step is to cast Leomund's tiny hut. Then you cast fabricate to turn the hut into an undead corpse. Reason for why this clearly nonsensible thing can supposedly be done?
'Cause a magic item can make objects out of force. Supposedly means that force is thus a raw material, and can be used in place of anything. And what's more, using fabricate supposedly makes it so that the force doesn't disappear when the spell maintaining it ends.
Some wild shit. But the best part is that, obviously, making something out of force is unnecessary as you can just obtain its raw materials, so I wondered why the hell you'd even bother.
Supposedly, if you use force as opposed to raw materials, it's not susceptible to DM fiat. Makes up a rule saying you can use Leomund's tiny hut as a crafting supply and he's doing it because he thinks the DM's going to say he doesn't have the right materials.
'Course, fabricate makes mention of the fact that you can't actually make an object if you don't know how to craft it out of raw materials, and that the thing you create can't be magical. So the notion that you'll be creating it out of magical force kinda explicitly doesn't work, and the notion that any character in existence can fabricate a working corpse is absurd.
But then it goes one step beyond, for the objective is to return this supposed fake corpse to a state of undeath that it was never in, and in so doing replicate the magical abilities it never actually had. Something fabricate explicitly can't do, but what are rules to a lawyer?
Only problem there is that there really isn't a way to revive an undead. You can turn humanoids into undead pretty easily, but turning what was once an undead back into a functioning one is fairly complicated. But the lawyer had a plan.
True polymorph into a Dybbuk.
Only problem there is that Dybbuk can't possess undead corpses. They also can't possess fabrications made out of pure force formed into the shape of an undead corpse. But there, he has a solution!
Cast Nystul's magic aura on the fabrication to make it appear to divination and magical senses as though it were a humanoid. Actual, literal Road Runner logic where painting the image of a tunnel onto a rock surface allows some birds to run through it.
'Course, to that, I raised a question. Supposedly, according to this misinterpretation of what Nystul's does, you would be able to cast it on an ooze.
A brainless, skullless ooze.
Does said ooze, now appearing to supernatural senses as though it were a humanoid, have the ability to fall victim to an intellect devourer's ability to eat a target's brain and inhabit its skull?
The answer to this question, supposedly, was yes.
As a result? Supposedly you're now capable of using fabricate to replicate the magical ability of any being in existence by turning into a Dybbuk to take control of corpses made out of magic under the effect of an illusion that makes sensory spells and effects misread them as humanoid in origin. And instead of using this to contest Asmodeus's control over the denizens of hell, the best way to use this power is to turn into a lich, make a surveillance state over the entire world, and use it to annoy wizards by occasionally counterspelling them.
Which is fun as a thought experiment, absolutely. But what I don't get is why someone would bother trying to convince anyone else that any of it was legal.

I am so sorry for how long this is, but there's quite a bit to cover.
I am a 28F mechanic who works for a rather large dealership in my city. I love my job, I love working on cars, and I love the men that I work with. It's like having an army of brothers that would do anything for me, and I have genuinely never had such a wonderful and supportive workplace environment.
Until "Collin" (26M) started about 6 weeks ago.
Before I start with him, I want to tell you about my "superpower." When I was very, very young, my mother noticed that I had this uncanny ability to detect "bad" people. Even as a toddler, there were certain people I didn't want near me or holding me for seemingly no reason. If they tried, I would scream until they left me alone. If said people tried to pick me up anyway, she'd snatch me away from them and tell them that I said no and to leave me alone. When they'd ask why or push that I "didn't know what [I] wanted," she'd shut them down and say that me not wanting that was reason enough. She's never, ever questioned my "ability" and instead leaned into it and helped me nurture it (especially after certain charges came out about a previous church member that I was uncomfortable around).
Back to Collin. Obviously, that's not his real name, but what is real about him is how... creepy he is. It was evident to me the moment I first met him, but I didn't want to come off as judgemental. My "superpower" has never been wrong, but I have a problem setting boundaries when I'm on the clock because I never want to be the "problem child" for a company. As the only female mechanic, I'm even more aware of that, so I tend to walk on eggshells out of fear of being treated differently.
With Collin, it's a little hard to explain, but to start, he's got personal space issues. As in, I have an issue with how little he respects my personal space. An example: I keep snacks in one of my toolbox drawers for when I and my teammates are too busy to stop and eat a proper lunch. A few days ago, I was bent over and fishing around for a protein bar when I felt him walk up behind me. Of all the angles he could've approached me from, he picked directly behind me and got so close that I felt him brush up against my butt. I immediately shot up and told him to back the fuck up. He tried to play it off as an accident, but I told him, quite loudly, that it's not an accident to sneak up on someone like that and touch them. When he saw a few of my coworkers looking over at us, he quietly made a comment about me overreacting, and walked away.
A few days before that, as I was working on a car, he came up to my toolbox and just took an impact gun. It wasn't mine; I was borrowing someone else's because mine was being repaired. So I stopped him and told him to put it back. He asked me why. This was weird to me because, as far as he knew, it was mine and if I said no, he should've just left it at that. So, I said, "Because it's not yours and I said no. Please put it back." "It's not yours either," is what he said. He tried to walk away with it. At this point, I physically stepped in front of him and said "All the more reason for you not to take it. It isn't mine to lend out. Please put it back." He then asked me if he had a problem sharing. I asked him if he had a problem with respecting boundaries.
Y'all... the look Collin gave me sent chills down my spine. At that moment, he glared at me like my ex did right before he put my head through a wall, and I was actually scared. I swallowed that fear and stood my ground, even though I just wanted to curl up and disappear. He must not be used to people standing up to him because he just sighed in annoyance and slammed the impact down on my bench, then walked away. He, thankfully, avoided me for the rest of the day.
Since those two situations have happened, I've asked for my friend/coworker, "Evan," to make a new group chat for that handful of us that hangout after work because I wasn't comfortable with Collin having access to my phone number. Evan had added him, without asking the rest of us, when they'd gone to a theme park together a few weeks prior. I'd opted out because I didn't want to hang out with Collin, but they used the group chat to communicate plans and such. Evan agreed to make a new group chat so that I feel safer.
Now, finally , the reason I am writing this post is because of what happened yesterday. I may have overreacted? My fiancé thinks I acted well within reason, but sometimes my anxiety makes me believe that I go overboard, even if I'm being perfectly rational. I'm not sure if that's the case here or not.
I caught Collin fishing around in my toolbox. Except, this time, it was the drawer that I keep my purse in. It's not a secret that it's there; every morning when I walk in, my coworkers see me put it in that specific drawer. I used to keep it with the snacks, but the men I work with are a little more old fashioned and won't even go near my purse, so they'd get hesitant when they saw it near the snacks. I moved drawers so they could freely grab food when I was too preoccupied to personally hand them something in order to avoid my purse. It was no bother to do so, but boy did it bother me when I saw Collin huddling over that drawer with my purse in it.
I shouted with my whole chest, "What the fuck do you think you're doing?" He immediately stood up and started mumbling about needing a certain tool, to which I bombarded him with questions like, "And you were just going to take it? That's not even where any of them are! Why were you going through my purse, you creep?" He couldn't keep up to answer any of my questions, but as far as I was concerned, he wouldn't have been able to come up with a good enough excuse because it's quite well known that that's the place where I keep my personal belongings. It got to the point where I was just yelling at him, and other coworkers had to come pull me away from Collin because I was getting increasingly aggressive. I was so mad, in fact, that I didn't even realize that he was getting aggressive too, and the reason why Evan and "Peter" had to pull me away is because Collin was getting in my face and calling me names. When I try to think about it now, I don't remember hearing that. I was so angry, that all I could really hear was the blood pumping in my body.
I had to sign a write up this morning. Absolutely fair, seeing as how I lost my shit and all professionalism in the workplace. I'm annoyed because this is my first write up, but management needs something to prove they "punished" me in some way for my behavior. What I'm not okay with is Collin telling people that I flew off the handle for no reason. Then this guy has the nerve to approach me today and tell me he forgave me for the way I treated him yesterday and that he hopes we can be friends in the future. I might be the asshole because I told him, calmly, that "I never want to be friends with someone who is so apathetic and disrespectful when it comes to boundaries and personal space" and that I'd appreciate it if he left me alone in the future. Now he's moping and saying I didn't even give him a chance before being a bitch to him.
Am I the asshole? Did I overreact?

I have entered my own hell...
I first attended EF in 2018 and absolutely fell in love with it but it was around this time that I started medical school and have been unable to attend again till this year. I am having my bachelorette party and I wanted to impress the party guests with the absolute blast that can be RV camping. Of course, without loyalty I could not get an RV pass. So I immediately put myself on the waiting list and have been hopeful that by some miracle I can get one. So my sorry ass took to all the FB groups to try to score a pass and it has been scammer after scammer NONSTOP.
I give each reply a chance, they say they have a pass, face value… perfect! Well I begin to vet their profile, clearly nothing posted since 2019… okay, suspicious. They say they will do paypal g&s but get aggressive and mean if I don’t reply in 10 minutes. Suspicious, block. They want to talk and exchange funds on telegram, block. Their profile randomly disappears, okay scammer. I reverse image search their profile, find real person of account they stole, scammer.
Finally, a guy says he's just trying to get some money back. He hates the “scammers.” He says he's different, tells me I can trust him. Then asks for my number and says I have to verify the code he sent to me… NOPE. I am done, we will see yall in GA camping! I am almost to the point of creating a fake account just to waste these f*ckers time and stop them from actually taking money from the hard-working festival goers that just want freaking tickets. Rant over.

Hi all, Sorry if this has been asked before...wondering if anyone here has done induced menopause for endo? My gyno mentioned it as an option for me, as progesterone does not seem to be doing the trick. There is limited information online and I don't get back to see my doctor for another month to grill her with questions. I have tried basically all the birth control, and several variations of progesterone. Aside from the obvious question about the symptoms...can anyone provide a little information about their experience? Is it a pill? An injection? Once your body went through menopause, do you have to keep taking the medication? Did your endo symptoms improve after? My gyno says surgery would mostly be pointless, due to my age they would leave my ovaries and the endometriosis can return to them, or basically any organ by the sounds of it... Appreciated in advance. Been dealing with this for what feels like my entire life (first period at 9 yrs old) and am extremely tired and defeated.
Thanks!!

I feel like I'm a piece of shit. I have basically pushed everyone away, I feel like my friends stayed with me out of convenience or they are scared of leaving me or simply feel pity. I deal with lots of mental health issues. I wouldnt want to necessarily self diagnose but I think I have ocd /bipolar.
I have obbessive tendencies,I want the person/people to like me and see me positively. If I fuck up I get very upset then angry then depressed then angry then FURIOUS then sad. I want to spam them to get them to forgive me or to give me attention. That's basically how I ruined my relationship with a girl by my mood swings and constant neediness.
I know I'm an asshole about this but my friend(1) has like a sensory thing that she cannot wash the dishes until they MARINATED in water and do it the next day. I'm the opposite, I have to clean them in lots of soap lots of water. And before I eat I have to smell each dish and utensils. Drinking water is a huge issue, smell 3 times, rinse 3 times, then I can drink some water. Sometimes I avoid drinking water for the fear of smell or taste of the water from the cup. When she talked about it for like the 2nd time, I commented " EW EW EW". Few hours later she texted me privately saying how my behaviour was unacceptable and hurtful.
Prior to that, another friend (2), love her dearly. Some back story, I deal with lots of issue with eating, body image and body confidence. That friend(2) said that she lost 5kg. Then tagged me saying "OP's turn 🤭". I was FURIOUS ABSOLUTELY FURIOUS!!!! I thought she was saying my turn to lose weight. After all this friend (1) says I was being overly dramatic and I was reading between the lines. And friend (2) just wanted my opinion/praise on her achievement. I felt otherwise but I did not want to argue.
*I have apologised to the both of them. Friend (2) was very nice and loving. Friend (1) is ignoring me. I feel intense hatred to her as I am typing.
I'm now having mixed feelings about my friends and the WhatsApp friend group. I feel the urge to just ghost them until someone wants me specifically. I feel like I'm bothersome and annoying. I will be archieving the group because the urge to text is high. I fucking hate this. I feel like I'm starting to hate them.

I want to write this here since I'm a fan and to get some advice since my post keeps getting removed from other subs. I came home about 5 months ago after deciding that I wanted to take a break from college because of burnout. I had been begging my father to send me back to our home country to refresh and get back to school, and about a month ago, he agreed because he had been wanting to go to the doctor where there isn't as long a wait to get a consultation as it is here so we went together. Unfortunately, he had to go back to the U.S. about a week later since the doctor told him his condition was severe and that he needed to get further tested since they didn't have that kind of equipment and especially not for cheap as our home country is a 3rd world country, we have a healthcare plan in the U.S. that covers most things anyway. Not even a couple hours later after he landed, we got the news that he had colon cancer and that he had to go into surgery in a couple of days.
My family all collectively decided that because I wasn't "doing anything" and because my mom didn't want to put in the effort of learning how to take public transport even though she's lived here for 5 years, I was the one who had to take care of my dad. They flew me back the next day. When I landed, I didn't even have time to rest after traveling internationally with our suitcases. I was pretty much told by my grandmother to get food ordered and head straight to the hospital to take care of my dad, and I did. In a way, I was happy that I was finally being helpful to my parents. My dad was in the hospital for about 10 days. For those 10 days, I fell asleep by his side in a chair almost every day, calling and texting family to update them on his condition; every few hours, the nurses and doctors would come in to give him meds and talk to him. I would pretty much be awake for all those days with only a couple of hours of sleep as I would be the one to have to translate for him and to tell them of any questions he may have. I only left the hospital to take public transport for an hour and return home to shower. But honestly, that wasn't hard at all; it was the way that my family and even my father would talk about me that made me depressed.
My aunt slashed out at me because I called my other aunt a shared Uber from the hospital to her house to not spend a lot of money; she called me a penny pincher and said that I put her in danger by doing that at night, but she later apologized. My father would call me useless and tell me that I was worth nothing and that I might as well stay home because I was doing nothing to support him. This triggered me as my mom had been telling me that stuff my entire life, and hearing it from my father made me feel like those words were true. I tried to push it aside and forget about it; I knew that he was just probably easily agitated at the hospital because of all the medicine and needles and having his surgery pushed back. But his behavior hasn't changed; if anything, he became more hateful towards me.
A couple of days ago, I woke up to them and my grandmother talking in the living room and calling me all types of things. Useless, worth nothing, unhelpful, berating my entire existence just because I couldn't get on the line with my father's doctors to make his appointments due to the lines were always busy saying that I couldn't even do that. After they changed the topic, I went out pretending to have just woken up and called the doctors in front of them. I was finally connected with the doctors and got the appointments for him. My grandmother thanked me and told me that I was so helpful for doing all of this and being the backbone of the family through this challenging situation at such a young age. Honestly, I couldn't even look at her, knowing she could say that not even an hour after she talked behind my back, criticizing me. I wasn't surprised that my mom was in on it, but so was the aunt I mentioned before, my grandmother, and my father. Some days after that, I accompanied my father to one of his appointments again to translate for him, and after I relayed the fact that my father needed chemo to my family, they all got angry at me for saying that even though that was what the doctor had told me point blank. They contacted a family friend who works at the hospital to ask him if this was true, and he said that it was, but it was likely only to be preventive. They never apologized for questioning me and calling me a liar, even though what I said was precisely what the doctor had told me. I mean, I'm 18; I don't think I'm supposed to have the medical knowledge to know what type of chemo a patient needs.
I thought I could get over this entire situation since this is stuff that I have had to deal with my whole life from my mother but to hear those exact words from my father and my other closely related family is making me fall into crippling depression again. To listen to those things from people I thought cared about me and wanted to watch me succeed to find out this is what they really think about me. He was supposed to be my good parent. I don't know what to do anymore nowadays. Even getting up from my bed to use the bathroom seems like a chore. I've just slammed my mind with media every waking hour so that I don't think about it anymore, but the words they said are always looming at the back of my mind.

Firstly, I am not a therapist. I am a 43-year-old male who has been very much weakened by MEcfs. There is a profound physical aspect to CFS, but it very much has a psychological underpinning. It seems that The only people who recover are those that use mind body approaches as a spouse by John Sarno, Howard Schubiner, etc. I am very weak, and am entering in this information via voice. For this reason, there might be some errors, such as the misspelling of CFS.
I have tried psilocybin in two CONTEXTS before. One was a macro dose of 1.5 g. I felt that the experience was pleasant. However, as the mushrooms were wearing off, I developed areas of my body in which it felt, my skin was burning, and went through waves of anxiety. I felt like I went into a lesser trip again the following day. I experienced closed visuals that made it impossible. The only way I can calm down with my eyes open. All of the problems sided after a week. after a week, I took a prescription medication, and this caused an exacerbation of problems that last another week. Additionally, I have I experienced a lesser withdrawal from the Macrodosing, that went away after a few sessions all in all, didn’t have any lasting benefit, though during individual sessions, I felt that I was a state of levity at sometimes. I feel that psilocybin might help me progress with my condition, buried, trauma, etc. However, I am very much worried about the idea of HPD, hallucinogen, persisting, perceptual disorder, or symptoms of the that just last well beyond when they should. Considering it took a while to get down to baseline, and after my back road, I wonder if I might be a specially . Predisposed to. I have used ketamine lozenges before, and have a prescription for them. I’ve only used them a few times, and I found that they didn’t do much in terms of helping me access anything deep within my psyche. This is a potential alternative to be psilocybin, and one less downside, potentially, but also potentially less upside as well.
I think from here on, I’m not going to bother making any paragraph breaks. It’s just too hard on my arm. The only reason I’m considering this is because I had a very meaningful synchronistic event which I believe might be pointing me toward this course of action as a treatment modality. of course, that which I experienced could’ve just been a wild coincidence. If it was coincidence, it certainly defied the laws of probability. No one here can tell me whether I will be safe, using psilocybin or not. I am wondering what the chances are of the bad at weighing the good. in forums in which people discuss negative experiences from the substances, including HPD, there is a substantial responder bias. The same can be set of forums in which people discuss healing benefits that they’ve had. It should also be mentioned that I’m currently taking 2.2 mg of fluoxetine per day. I have had a great deal, difficulty, discontinuing, fluoxetine, and I’ve been tapering down by a small amount over a long period. My psychiatrist informs me that, contrary to popular belief, there is no risk of taking psilocybin with fluoxetine so far as serotonin syndrome is concerned , I wonder if the fluoxetine at this would noticeably attenuate my experience. Roughly 50% of SRT receptors are block at. this dosage. If I were to hold off until being completely off of the fluoxetine, I would be looking at many more months before use. I’m very frustrated at my physical weakness and my lack of progress. More than anything I just want to get my life back. it seems like a key feature of the feeding MECFS, and fibromyalgia for that matter, is to become INDFFERENT to the symptoms. Ironically, those that do develop each HPPD from the substances say that reaching this point of indifference is the only thing that cures them as well. Considering I have a condition that is perpetuated by a lack of indifference, I do wonder if I would be more predisposed to HPD, and then on the other hand, there are those that said that psilocybin has helped their MEC massively. at this point the last thing I want put myself in a state where I’m functioning far worse as a result of a lingering trip that just won’t go away. Any thoughts that you have on this would be very much appreciated. Thank you.

The night was bone-chillingly cold. The slightest whisper of a breeze nipped at my exposed ears and drafted unpleasantly within my overly large winter coat. The black, barren trees stood unmoving like sentinels bearing ominously down upon either side of the sleet-slick street, which was lit only by dim street lamps that, other than creating a dull yellow reflection on the otherwise unlit pavement, seemed to do nothing against the oppressing dark of this fateful December night.
I had passed through a wrought iron gate twenty minutes before, the gate that separated a cozy subdivision from this eerie, undeveloped stretch of road that seemed to be dropped in the middle of the forest. I could think only of my warm, lively hearth and a nice, hot cup of tea between my palms, which now, instead of being pressed against warm porcelain, were being stabbed by my untrimmed fingernails as I tightened my fist onto the leash and plunged the other still deeper into my coat.
This night was the culmination of weeks of investigation on a missing person’s case turned sour. A man named Arthur Smith had reported his four daughters missing, then hung himself three days later when we couldn’t find anything. Oddly, Arthur’s body went missing from the morgue shortly after. The only trace left was an incredible amount of flies, and we were displeased to see that every drawer was leaking a mixture of blood and embalming fluid because the refrigerant pipes burst. When we opened them up, the neck of every corpse had been slit.
Eventually, through good detective work, we were able to connect some dots, and that led us to where we were now: We were now on a manhunt for a suspect that was last seen at a gas station about a mile up the road, not two hours earlier. We checked a network of cameras to see that he had headed for the woods, grabbed the hounds, and here we were.
My colleagues and I were spread around in different parts of the forest with the police force’s seven bloodhounds. I got stuck with Old Ben, the force’s droopiest and most seasoned canine. He was partially blind and notorious for not obeying commands. He didn’t even respond to a dog whistle, which was why some of my colleagues thought his hearing was shot. I doubted this theory, though, because sure enough, when somebody whispered the word “biscuit,” Old Benny perked up and started wagging his tail.
Another ten minutes found Old Benny and I at the end of the once seemingly endless street, with the streetlamps and pavement stopping abruptly at the edge of the woods, which had not entirely swallowed up a bulldozer. Old Ben stopped and sniffed the air for a moment, then plunged down a path in the woods to our right. It was a dirt path, not two feet wide, overgrown and partially washed out, making it an unpleasant and muddy journey from here on out.
…
My flashlight was now the only source of light illuminating our way. Its beam slid over roots and rocks that jutted out of the path at odd angles and briefly swept over the nearest trees, bringing them out of the shadow for a moment. I felt claustrophobic as they bore down upon me and upon the path. The only sound was my deep breathing, my sloppy footsteps, and Benny’s blundering in the mud about ten feet in front of me.
The path turned in such a way that I could see faint moonlight up ahead, but a cloud soon covered the moon and removed the slight comfort its light had provided. I continued following the curve of the path, and pointed my flashlight up ahead. Suddenly, everything was pitch black, as my flashlight had just gone out without a flicker. I was especially annoyed because firstly, I had just replaced the batteries earlier that week, and secondly, I caught a glimpse of the dark outline of what seemed to be a small cottage up ahead, which was now invisible in the darkness.
To my surprise, Benny stopped as soon as the light went out, which made it easy for me to replace the batteries with the ones that I always carried around in my service belt. To my dismay, Benny did not continue walking when the light flickered back on, even when I started tugging on his leash. He simply sat in the mud and peered at the cottage in the distance, which I knew for a fact he couldn’t see. The cottage was incredibly run down, but I couldn’t see much more, as it was just at the edge of my flashlight beam.
I began feeling uneasy when Benny started whimpering and backing away, tail between his legs. Our dogs were trained to bark when they found something, not stand still, and certainly not whine and back away. Old Ben had never been a skittish animal; I had never seen him act like this before. I peered back at the cottage, suspecting something more sinister than I was originally prepared for.
I tied Benny loosely around a nearby tree, so he could pull away if need be, pulled out my handgun, and continued on. Not fifteen seconds later, I was hit with the smell of blood and wet dog, and heard whimpering to my left. I told Benny to stay, and turned to find him where I left him, about twenty yards behind me, looking at me like I was insane. I bent down and examined the source of the noise, only to find one of our bloodhounds laying just off the path and covered in a mixture of mud and its own blood. It was missing its hind legs and was shivering badly. I cursed and dispatched it with a quick slit with my utility knife, then unclipped its collar and stuffed it into my pocket before turning away. I did not want to alert the suspect of my position. I grew worried about the location of my colleagues, as our dogs were trained not to run off. I also wondered what kind of predator would have taken only the hind legs of an animal. I tried not to think about it as I continued on.
As the cottage grew nearer, I was able to make out a few broken windows reflecting my light back at me. Through these I was able to see that the inside of the cottage was pitch black, the darkest black I had ever seen. I walked closer still, and I couldn’t stop looking into the darkness of the cottage. The darkness was so potent it seemed to be spilling over the window sill into the crisp night air. I felt consumed. My heart began pounding within my chest, and I felt colder than ever as I stepped toward the gravel path that led around to the left of the cottage. The sudden change in surface and the sound of my feet crunching upon the gravel seemed to break my trance, and I shuddered.
I didn’t know why I had felt so trapped, and I didn’t like it. Something was definitely wrong with this situation, and my feelings of dread intensified as I followed the gravel path around to the front of the cottage.
A dripping noise interrupted my thoughts and temporarily washed the dread from my mind. I paused. I determined it was coming from the direction I was headed, but I couldn’t see the front door yet as the porch was draped with ivy. I was suddenly hit with the putrid smell I knew all too well: the smell of death. It hit my nostrils like a truck and returned my feelings of dread all at once. I shined my beam to the front steps.
There was a dark, red liquid trickling gently down the steps, pooling under the porch: blood. I looked up onto the front porch, now visible, and saw the torso of a man hanging from his neck about three feet away from the front door. His legs were nowhere to be seen, though there was a blood trail leading into the house, and his glistening entrails swayed sickeningly with the light breeze. Blood was pooling below him, trickling down the steps, and down through the cracks in the porch. It had begun coagulating, and dark swirling orbs rotated in the puddle each time a drop splashed down. I looked up again at the carcass and recognized the man as our suspect. There was frost beginning to form at the edges of his mouth and over his glassy eyes, but his exposed entrails were still steaming. Furthermore, the blood dripping from his wound was still deep red in color. The back of my neck prickled and I knew this man had not been hanging for very long. No, not very long at all.
I raised my pistol and nudged the front door open. I was again hit with the smell of death, though now much stronger, so strong I could scarcely draw breath. The inside of the cottage was unbelievably dank, and the darkness seemed to eat the quivering beam of light I pointed out in front of me, so I couldn’t see ten feet forward.
I heard a sharp crack and I bolted my gaze to my feet. I had just stepped on a human rib. Suddenly the cottage came alive with creaking and shuffling. I heard flies buzzing all around me. I heard a raspy rushing noise to my right. I shined my flashlight to where I thought the noise was coming from, but all I saw was a bloodstained floor and darkness out in front of me. I took a step toward the noise, and the beam of light revealed the glistening mangled corpse of a man, missing most of his skin, hunched in the corner of the cottage. His whole torso was heaving, and I saw the rushing noise was coming from the base of his throat, where a large gash was opening and closing with every breath, spraying flecks of fluid. Maggots wriggled out of his wound, and black purge fluid trickled from his soupy eye sockets, his missing nose, and his gaping mouth. He was missing most of his teeth, and one of his cheeks was rotted through.
I was frozen in place with fear, until, to my horror, the man’s mangled arm rose and reached out to me. At this I aimed and put a bullet through his partially exposed skull, splattering a putrid mist on the wall behind him. Instead of slumping over, as I prayed he would, the man slowly levitated into an upright position as though controlled by a puppeteer. Skin began regrowing around his legs, his torso, and eventually his skull, which sprouted two bloody horns out of his forehead. This being had the likeness of Arthur Smith, though I sensed it was no longer him. I placed two rounds into his torso, and the being staggered, but the bullet wounds simply closed with sickening squelching sounds. I backed away slowly, and he simply stood in the corner and leered at me with burning black eyes and a disconcerting grin.
I continued to back away slowly, placing one more round between his eyes. His head jerked back, but still it healed and he seemed unbothered. I bolted around and headed for the door. I jerked the handle but it wouldn't budge. I tried kicking it down, which was something I was very practiced at, but still, the rotten oak planks held fast against my will. I turned around, back against the door, firearm at the ready, and stared into the blackness. Everything was quiet once again. Despite the temperature, cold sweat beaded upon my brow and dribbled down my neck.
Suddenly I felt a rumbling that seemed to come from the very depths of the Earth. A splitting and splintering sound came from what I presumed was the center of the cottage, and I was soon showered with bits of wood and stone that nicked my exposed skin and drew droplets of blood. I noticed my back was no longer pressed against the back of the door, though I was not moving. The floor seemed to be carrying me slowly in the direction of the noise. I was frozen in place, and found that I could not change my trajectory.
My flashlight beam found the edge of a large hole in the floor. I saw dark, root-like tendrils sprout from the hole and rush across the floor with the sound of scraping and splintering. They then returned to the hole, and they had within their grasp six bare human bodies, which I horrifically realized were those of my now former colleagues. I watched in horror as their pale naked bodies were folded, torn, ripped, and broken in the churning earth. The sound of tearing flesh and cracking bone was deafening and filled the darkness of the cottage. The mass of mangled flesh formed into one chunky, glistening mound in the center of the hole. It began pulsing and rising, and horrible screams rang in my ears. I watched in horror as the mass formed a humanoid figure that rose up ten feet out of the hole and bent over against the ceiling. It was facing away from me, but its raspy voice seemed to mix seamlessly with the screams directly in my ears.
“The churning of earth, the tearing of flesh, the cracking of bone”
At this it let out a booming laugh that reverberated in my skull and shook the foundation of the building. The cottage once again came alive, but now more than ever before. Shutters were opening and closing, floorboards were rattling, flies swarmed in a huge mass around and around the room, blocking the beam of my flashlight and obscuring my view of the figure. I felt my legs quiver along with the rest of the cottage. I looked down at a red book with its pages fluttering in the still air. I dove for it and slammed it shut, and the cottage grew still. I paused for a moment, but the giant figure began turning towards me. I bolted around to see that the door was now open, but the hung corpse was clinging to the top of the door frame, now very much alive. Its entrails were still swinging freely from its short leap, and the rope lay severed and frayed upon the ground.
I paced towards the door, dumping the rest of my magazine into the corpse, which to my relief fell to the ground with a squelch. I hopped over the body and sprinted out the front door, away from the cottage, down the dirt path. I could still hear the screams of the damned faintly in the distance, and the earth began rumbling once again underneath my feet. I continued running back along the path, trying not to think about what I had witnessed. I paused for a moment to catch my breath, and shivered in the now relentless sleet.
The pounding of the earth became the distant rumble of thunder in the distance. By the time I had gotten back to the paved road, I was soaked to the bone in cold sweat and freezing rain, and I was covered up to my thighs in mud from the path. My coat was snagged and torn in places from the splinters of wood and from branches along the path.
When I finally got back to my car, I saw a leash leading underneath it, and found Old Ben, crouched below, tail between his legs. I scooped him up and plopped him in the passenger seat, entirely disregarding the former cleanliness of my car, as it was now covered in mud and dog hair. I cranked up the heat and sped off towards the station to report what I had witnessed.
…
We never did find that cottage again. Other guys went back to where I was and failed to find the path, but they did find the dismembered bodies of my colleagues hidden under the bulldozer at the end of the street. I was charged with the deaths of my colleagues and was thrown into a mental institute, but I don’t mind it much. There are people here that are far more insane than I am. The worst part is my occasional perception of a distant rumbling, and during thunderstorms I’m a whimpering mess.
I have been disciplined three times for writing symbols on the walls that I can’t get out of my head. I draw them in my blood so they stand out more and resemble what I see. I have found that once they are on the wall, they stay out of my head. Unfortunately, I haven’t finished writing them all out yet. The first time I started I got really close to finishing, but then I found myself strapped to a hospital bed.
The worst part of my new existence is the nightmares. I am plagued by images of my former colleagues: their pale dismembered bodies, the sound of cracking bone, their blood on my hands, their shrieks of pain, and the taste of flesh.

i’ve been on lamictal for about 6 months now. it was pretty tough titrating up but i made it to a dose that i feel great on! honesty this is probably the happiest 6 months i’ve ever had. yes there’s been ups and downs and i’m still anxious but for the first time my mood does not control me. i’ve even lost weight from starting to focus on my health and fitness! i’ve made new friends and have overall been content and stable. well over the last week i’ve noticed a rash forming on my shoulder and it now has spread across my whole chest. it’s not super red or itchy but it’s definitely raised skin and spreading. i haven’t changed any meds, or body wash or really anything so i have no idea what’s causing it. i reached out to my psychiatrist yesterday and he told me even tho it’s rare to get a rash after being on lamictal for awhile, to stop it immediately. so i didn’t take my dose last night and im waiting for him to call me back about next steps. now i’m wondering if i shouldn’t have said anything at all and maybe im overreacting. this is my 6th medication ive tried. anyone have a similar experience? or have had to go cold turkey off lamictal?