hi my brothers dropshipping business , i really need your advices & support .. i started dropshipping about 9 months ago .. imagine i have the following :

• i sell decor items for home & for business
• my ebay store limit $1M i used all of them , so my total listings amount hit $1M , more than 400 listings ... i promote them for $2-$4 each.
• my feedback 100% as i do very good customer service .
• my shopify store inventory total amount about $1.5M much more my ebay store .
• my pinterest acc have +600k monthly views + +260 followers .
• i take much time almost everyday contact business on social media to let them know about my products .. no answer ... very very few of them answer they like it but not intersted OR ask about price then never back .
• i sell my products on ebay much less my competitors .
• my pinterest acc receive huge traffic & likes but NO sales !!!
• imagine with all that my sales on ebay are too low only one item every 2 days .
• my shopify store only 16 orders in about 9 months !!!
• only 3 orders from my pinterest acc in about 7 months .
• i need your help what can do .. i can not afford paid ads at this time , can not pay hudreds of dollars everyday on facebook or elsewhere on social media .
• HOW you hire marketers ? how pay ? how it works ?
• thank you everyone for your advice & support .

I've been thinking about making this post for months! I have absolutely no idea how to start it but I've decided it's time to make it. I am a (26M) Sikh guy in Canada that would like to find a S/O through online dating, meeting up, hook ups, whatever, etc. I was born and raised in Canada and have never been outside of the country, my family's been here for 4 generations and I've been raised around diverse backgrounds and people that aren't like me. However, being a Sikh and having a turban is like an identity to me (like a blood type, natural eye colour, etc) and not something that defines that I have limitations to who I can date/ what I can do. I believe I've achieved everything outside of dating and have perfected myself enough that I'm super confident in myself (I still acknowledge I have flaws) and don't feel insecure about anything that could cause me to feel down for being rejected by everybody. I went to a T20 school to study a STEM field, have a great career that I love, am financial stable in a rough economy to grow in, am confident in my attractiveness (understand appearance is massive in dating) and emotionally intelligent to be calm through any challenges.
However, I feel like there's many walls I have to climb over that I need advice for. How do I possibly present my identity and myself in a way that a girl is willing to date me? That doesn't her feel like I'm in it for short-term fun, that my parents won't accept her (my parents will accept a girl outside of my faith happily), and that'd she'd have the freedom to do anything? I'm very liberal in my views. She's going to look at my turban first and immediately assume that there are religious differences, she's going to take a massive risk to even allow me to make a move/make a move herself?
I, like most guys, just want an attractive S/O that I can grow with and share experiences and interests with. How do I present myself? How do I make my dating profile to look 'normal'? How do I start convos with my interest in a girl? Ah so many questions, I hope I can gain some guidance...
TL;DR: Sikh guy (26M) that has to climb walls to be dateable for a girl, need advice on how to present my identity so it doesn't hinder my ability as a guy

Yo brother. please help me with some support and acknowledgment ill take anything at this point would be helpful... feedback too. I’m really down right now. I’m 32 years old and I’ve never had a full-time job or a real job. For some backstory, I grew up In a rough neighborhood. Single mom I literally just wandered the streets of boston from a young age. When I was 14 years old, I was walking my little sister home and got punched in the face they took 3 dollars out of my pocket too, I did have a Gray bandana in my back pocket so some will say I deserved it. I wasn’t going to say anything, but my sister told my mom, and six months later, we moved to another city that was diverse and had a lot of opportunities. I finished high school and then went on to get my bachelor’s degree in Communications Media. I graduated in 2014, which was a big deal for me. I went to school for film and video so I moved to Los Angeles and freelanced for about three years. I worked hard, taking any job I could find on Craigslist, but I was sleeping in my car the whole time, which shows how tough it was.
In 2017, I moved back home with my mom and started doing Uber. Uber was doing pretty well, so I managed to get a small apartment and did that for about three or four years. In 2020, I started teaching myself web development. I learned CSS, JavaScript, HTML, and React. I built my own projects and managed to land about 15 interviews, but every time, the interviewers seemed surprised when they saw I am Black and have an Afro. I think about cutting it all the time because of stuff like this.
The interviews often felt like they weren’t taking me seriously or were rushing me off the phone. This has taken a huge toll on my mental health. In some of these first-round interviews, the HR people were more inclusive and would tell me I was really qualified, which gave me hope. But then I’d get a LinkedIn notification that someone viewed my profile from the company, and I wouldn’t hear back. They would say they’d get back to me in four days, and then I’d find out they hired someone else. This has happened several times.
In another interview, I was able to solve two out of three problems, but the interviewer seemed rushed and questioned everything I said, even when I was correct. At the end, they told me I had a bright future and potential, which was devastating because it felt like they saw me as a child, not a professional.
I recently had another interview, and everything seemed to go well, but then I got rejected in less than 12 hours. I can’t take the discrimination and racism in the tech field anymore. Another time, an interviewer told me they would love to hire me, but then they hired someone else.
So I decided to drive for Amazon, but the job only lasted six weeks because a coworker harassed me. I then worked at an Amazon warehouse, which has been incredibly stressful. I feel like I should be doing more and am capable of so much more, but my managers implied I was incompetent. One even told me, “I hate to see a young African-American kid like yourself struggling to fit in.” This comment really bothered me because I’m 32 years old.
I eventually moved up to an assistant manager position, but ongoing disrespect forced me to step down. I try to remain stoic, but my feelings are always invalidated. I don’t know what to do anymore. I just had another job interview where I was told they’re not hiring right now. I’m spiraling out of control because I don’t have much time left. I tried tell my family and talking to some of my og’s but damn they just tell me to be strong or my family they just ignore me or think this is some joke. Sometime I believe it too like maybe im a fuck up seriously maybe im making excused at this point I just want to know what its been like for you guys. When I got promoted at amazon I was excited but then they would withhold information from me then they tell senior management that im struggle then on my off days im taking linkedin learning classes on six sigma just to prove my value to them. I try really hard to code switch and hide my aave like I said I grew up in the hood so I know its there. I really pisses me off when I talk to people at work and they say things to me like im intelligent or sound smart.
Any advice or support would mean a lot. Thank you

There seems to be a good amount of conversation today about issues with mechs and whether they're usable. As an avid mech player, who the mech was a huge reason to keep leveling, I use it whenever applicable, but I do so knowing that there is a lot to be improved (better targeting with missiles, unnecessarily long cool down time, limited applicability, the addition of mech modularity, etc.)
My post isn't to highlight the functional, common-sense fixes, which definitely need to happen, but talk more about useful and fun additions to make mechs more desirable slot options.
The below ideas are just a few I've come up with during my time playing Helldivers 2, but feel free to add on:

1. Mechs drop with a backpack. A la the Fallout Amazon series. The backpack would contain a partial reload (50%) for the machine gun and rocket launcher, as well as an "armor patch," which would heal the mech by up to a 1/3 of its health. The backpack would take (x) seconds to deploy, and the action would either be performed by the pilot, or they could drop the pack to another player, enabling the mech to provide cover while being reloaded/patched.

This would help address the mech's longevity and functionality while offering balance, as the pilot has to dedicate a backpack slot to the mech's upkeep, the mech can't move while being repaired/reloaded, and the time for the action to occur (presumably out of combat).

1. Ride the mech. The mechs are faster than they appear, and providing up to one player with the option of clinging on to the mech's back offers some interesting potential. For one, allowing players to mount the mech would occupy a hand slot (the player has to grab on somehow), which would free up a single hand.

With one hand, the player riding the mech could fire from a fixed position over or around the mech with one-handed weapons (providing a passive buff to one-handed weapon utility), keeping the mech safe from enemies that sneak up from the mech's blind spots.
Additionally, players riding the mech could throw grenades or stratagems.

1. Plush mech interiors. When I first unlocked the mech, I had the (unreasonable?) expectation that there would be a cozy interior to the mech (e.g. screens showing ammo count, health, armor remaining, speed, etc), but players are locked in a third person perspective. It would be awesome to see how Arrowhead envisions the mech's interior, and I could even see a first-person view serving as a potential fix to the missile problem.
   
2. Mech go BOOM! The mechs in Helldivers live short lives, and they are often abandoned on the battlefield to either be destroyed or run across while escaping hordes of enemies, but what if the mechs could be made to explode?
   

Much like the undetonated hellbombs littering the landscape, the mech operator should have the ability to set their mech to detonate, offering an explosive reward about half the size of an environmental hellbomb.
In the same way that players can set rate-of-fire and scope distance, mech pilots should be able to set a timed mech detonation or a reactive detonation (shooting the mech with an explosive weapon causes it to violently explode). I could imagine some creative bile titan kills or tactical explosions (the robot drone ship factories).

I have a facebook friend who I knew in real life too but her last update was photos of her travels to Peru in 2011... In that time, I have talked to everyone she used to hang out with here in our hometown and the only people who vaguely remember her are not concerned with tracking her down in the slightest..
So why am I so interested? About 6 years ago, another profile with the same name popped up online and it was adding all the people from what I know to be her real profile (especially locals as opposed to people she'd met on her travels). "She" sent me a message to tell me "Hey, its really me! i can't access my other profile" and she was not recycling pics from the old profile so I felt like it was legit because nobody had heard from her. But then, when I informed the other people that she added, they said, "wait, so she sent you a message?"... I was the only one the new profile was communicating with, which is weird because we were never besties or anything like that but I WAS the only one who publicly made it known that I was trying to find her... So I did a little test to see if she really remembered me and she failed... It was not really her.
I've just now sent out messenger chats to everyone who indicated in comments that they knew her IRL - only two of which I have other friends in common with.
This girl (woman now) is a really special person who was very kind, very pretty in a simple kind of way, and super clever. She had a wry sense of humor but because she was so shy, I feel like I'm the only one who caught a glimpse of it. She lived with her grandma who raised her here where I live. But her grandma passed away a few years ago and I have no idea if she knows, if she came to a funeral, or if she's even alive.
She travelled all over the world (Africa, North America, South America, Peru, the Amazon, etc.) with a few men that I have only seen photos of and have no idea who they are... One of the women she travelled with ALSO stopped updating her social media in 2013...
So what should I do next? Are there any experts in this sort of thing? Im not mentioning her name here (yet) to protect her identity (in case she doesn't want to be found) and my own identity because I may still need to use it as bait if that other profile shows up again.

After camping at Cedar Springs for the first time recently, I was studying various maps of the area, and noticed that on older maps, there was a trail connecting Cedar Springs (and the PCT) to Palm Canyon in the Indian Canyons in Palm Springs.
I was able to find out the trail was called Jo Pond trail, build in the 90s, a pretty impressive series of switchbacks that climb over 4000 feet up from the desert to Cedar Springs, that must have taken some effort to build. From looking at historic aerial photos, the trail looked well defined and maintained until 2013, when most of the landscape the trail went through was almost completely stripped of all vegetation in the 2013 Mountain Fire. I assume the trail was then closed for a period of time (same as the PCT above it that was also hit by the same fire)
From the aerials again, it looks like the trail was never maintained after that, and has slowly been taken over by the rebounding vegetation. I was able to find a few trail reports from around 2018 or 2019 from people who managed to hike it, making note of difficult trail finding in places, and nothing since. The recent wetter years seemed to have accelerated the regrowth as well, and on most recent aerials, the trail is almost completely invisible.
I also found some news reports about a rescue on this trail in winter of 2018 of a tourist who slipped down the snow into a canyon and had to be helicoptered out after 3 days of being stranded.
I am assuming the relatively low popularity of this trail (due to combination of difficulty, the logistics of connecting to it at the Indian Canyons, with no overnight parking allowed, cost, etc.) plus the fire and rescues afterwards caused the trail to be abandoned, but I can't find any official information about this anywhere, other than the trail quietly disappearing from most recent maps.
Does anyone have more of the story ? Is this trail officially closed, or is it still possible to try to hike it ?
The trail also used to pass through a BLM parcel that would have made it possible to camp in the area below the "Needles Eye" flat (on the old aerials there appear to be nice spots along the trail there too, with at least seasonal water flow in the creek in the West Fork Palm Canyon), this parcel has been part of a land swap in 2018 and given to the ACBCI, so the entire trail past Garnet Ridge (which is SBNF) is now on Indian land, and they do not allow any overnight camping as far as I can tell (not sure if there were any stipulations that would have preserved this right on the former BLM owned parcels in the swap, I assume not)
For reference the trail can be seen on this map for example and even still shows on on the Indian Canyons trail map, although they have removed it from most other places on their site (the elevation profile is also still up)

Hello Reddit!
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We do not outsource or mass produce any of our process, everything is created in house - from sketch to finished packaged pieces. We focus on creating high quality, affordable women's jewelry and recently released a hydrangea flower inspired collection!
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Hey y'all...so this has to be one of the craziest things that's ever happened to me and I really wanted to share it. Buckle up cause it's a long one...sorry in advance lol.
It started in 2019 I (26f but back then 21) met this dude (23m at the time) on kik from the Netherlands, let's call him...butthole. So, me and butthole hit it off, we're vibing, we're flirting, all that shebang.
We decide to date online long distance (cause I still lived in America at the time) so we text every day and we call a lot and it's just sooo nice. He was really sweet and nice to me. Well, August of that year I went on a trip to Ireland and got SA'd while there we'd been dating for 3 months at this point.
Once I got back home I finally worked up the nerve to tell him cause I legit had PTSD from that shit and when I did, he got mad at me. He accused me of cheating...I was like wtf?? So we broke up and went no contact and that was that.
Until
2020 it's lockdown....my diddly dumbass was lonely and bored and decided to text him! Like girl wtf was I thinkin? So I text him and he ends up apologizing for accusing me of cheating. He realized he was wrong and just like that, we went back to vibing and flirting. We're also making low key plans for me to visit him once lockdown is lifted too. After a few days of this I'm thinkin we're gonna get back together. But he says to me "I have something to tell you and you're gonna get mad at me".
And I'm like....ok? I didn't even know what to think like no clue what it could be (cause I'm dumb lol) And he goes "so I'm actually living with a girl who is (and I quote) officially my girlfriend". Oh man I was pissed and really hurt...like that fucking hypocrite!! So he goes on to explain they'd been dating for 2 Y E A R S!!
Anyway, so I'm dumb and was so in love and had no self esteem and thought he was the best I could get so I ask if he wants to leave her. He was like yea but we have a house together and I recently lost my job because of the pandemic so it'd screw us both over if I left now. I should've run right then and there but nooooo.
So I was like "you want to leave her and be with me right? Like, you will right?" And he said yes, I want to be with you, I'll leave if I can, blah blah blah." After a couple weeks of us acting coupley, sexting, sending pics, flirting and shit I woke up one day and realized, he's never gonna leave her for me. Ever. So....I decided I have to find this girl and tell her cause this is bullshit.
Problem is...I know nothing about her and apparently barely anything about him. He wouldn't tell me her name or anything. And he told me back in 2019 that he doesn't have social media (I should've known that was a lie cause who doesn't at least have facebook?) So I have nothing except his first and last name (later I find out he lied about how his last name is spelled and he gave me his nickname instead of his actual first name!...bro is a pathological liar I s2g!)
I tried looking for him on social media (obviously I didn't find him) I would try to ask about her name, but like in a really chill way, obviously he wouldn't tell me. I got desperate and googled Netherlands chat sites, and got on one and legit asked each person if they knew butthole mcbuttface from Rotterdam...I knew it was a long shot but I had to try.
That ended in a flop (well not entirely but I'll get back to that later) So then I get real crafty. I decide that I'm gonna play an adult fun game with him. I ask a question, he answers it truthfully and he gets a "reward". So I made sure to write out all the questions, starting with super innocent ones and I put the really revealing ones later cause I figured he'd be thinking with his other head at that point so he'd answer anything I asked.
We didn't do this over video call, we texted and I sent videos doing the thing (that way I could write down his answers) I did a lot of shit I'm not proud of. But I got the answers I needed. So I went all FBI and I got the specific area he lived from him and I ended up finding roughly where his house is, I was hoping I could find her name somewhere with that but it was a bust.
I tried to use the other answers to find stuff but I got nothing. I then decide to confront him over one of the answers (his brother's name) cause I legit thought he lied, it didn't sound like a name a Dutch person would have. He told me it was the truth. It's a really weird name for someone in the Netherlands so I looked him up on Facebook and I FOUND THAT BITCH!
That's how I realized he gave me the wrong spelling of his last name. So through his brother I found butthole's page and through butthole's page I found her!!! It took me weeks to find her! I was so shooketh! I couldn't believe I actually did it! So I go and look through her profile for a bit and I see that a few days before we played that game he FUCKIN PROPOSED TO HER!!!
I literally screamed when I saw that...I was so pissed and upset that he did that to her..... So I take a shit ton of screenshots and send her a message basically telling her everything. And she responded like "omg thank you for telling me". Like she wasn't upset at me or anything and that made me so sad. We chit chatted a bit and she was telling me all this shit about how she heard he was only with her for her money and blah blah blah...and she asked me for a few more specific screenshots which I gladly sent.
Then she said that she was at work and would confront him when she was home. I was in full support mode and was like I'm here for you and I'm so sorry this happened. And she was in support mode and she said she was sorry it happened to me too. So we exchange numbers and start texting. Later she texted me saying that she was off work and she was almost home and I wished her luck. At that point I texted him saying something like bye bitch good luck and blocked him lol.
So then I waited to hear from her...I check an hour later and saw that she blocked my number....I was so confused. I genuinely wish I could know what he said to her cause y'all...she ended up staying with him and getting married.I saw the pics on Facebook lol but yea....she could do so much better like...idk how this gremlin lookin ass bitch pulled 2 girls cause he's ugly inside and out. Idk if they're still together. I haven't looked in on them since I saw the wedding pics.
So yea, that's my story...but I said I would come back to the chat site not being a complete flop. I met a dude on there and we became friends and he introduced me to a guy who is now my boyfriend of almost 4 years and I ended up moving to the Netherlands to be with him lolol....I'm nowhere near where butthole lives so I'll never run into him but yea thanks for reading!

On may 25th of 2023, I stopped drinking completely. Cold turkey. Im not a good drunk. Im an angry drunk. Not an angry tipsy, if I get like DRUNK DRUNK, I get angry at the littlest things. Last time, in may of 2023, I lied about drinking and how drunk I was. This is what triggered me deciding to stop.
so I stopped 100%.
from may 25th, 2023 - March 2, 2024.
My wife and I have been married for about two years. She has her son through a previous marriage. I have my son through a previous marriage and then together we have our daughter.
during this time, my wife never stopped drinking. She can be an angry drunk, but it is not inherently in her nature.
She would order drinks when we went out to dinner, she would drink white claws at the house. For a while, she was not asking me to go to the store to buy her alcohol, but rather having it DoorDashed to the house. I genuinely thought this was a huge waste of money, so I offered a handful of times to go and do that for her. It didn’t bother me.
I stayed sober for roughly 9 months, that is, until my wife and I went on a date night. I planned it, booked a reservation, all that stuff. Real nice.
Anyway, we are at dinner and my wife asked me, “so, do you see yourself just going without alcohol for like your entire life? Like forever?”
And I said, “I don’t know I thought about it a little bit, but honestly not too much. I do have this image, though in my head, of me as like a 50-year-old man wearing my hair is all gray and my beard is gray and me and you are at some family event, maybe Christmas, maybe Thanksgiving or something. And all the kids are running around and doing their thing and I am just kind of looking out at all of the activity and really feeling proud of what we have built and the family we have built in the relationships. And in my hand is a glass of really really nice whiskey with a big ol ice cube, right in the middle. Like… That’s the idea that I have in my head for like… Satisfaction? I guess? Comfort? Security?”
So we talked a little bit more about that, but it ended up with her, offering me a glass of wine. And I said sure. It’s date night. It’s been like nine months. I have no intention, nor desire to seriously begin drinking again. Like I have absolutely zero desire to drink to get drunk.
Anyway, I had a glass of wine. Had one glass of wine. Enjoyed it. It was very nice. We had a great night. Went home. That’s it.
But then, like… Fast forward like a week or two or some thing… And one of the things I drink a lot is lemonade… So she comes home and she’s got two really tall Mike’s hard lemonade. And she’s like I got these for you to try. and I was like OK. And I drink them and we hung out and had a great night I didn’t get like wasted or even remotely close, and no issues. Cool.
So, then, like one night, I’m by myself, like I do every Sunday and and then, the urge just hit me to like have a claw. And I was like I mean, sure, why not? Like my whole mentality around drinking has changed over the course of this past 9 to 10 months , so I’m not worried about it in the least. I know my brain.
So I have a claw. I have two of them.
And then, the next day, she asked me, “hey, did you drink my claws?” and I was like, “yeah I had some.” and then she’s like, “I didn’t know we were like getting back into it like that.” And I was like what do you mean? And she was like well you were just by yourself, and you felt like you needed a claw. And I was like I didn’t feel like I NEEDED a claw, I just like felt like having one, and she was like that really scares me.
and i GET THAT.
But I’m also really fucking confused. And I feel like I’m being yanked around a little bit.
And then she just went on this spiel about how this is starting to really make her nervous in really scare her and shit.
and I just feel really annoyed. And confused.
Like I’ve made so much fucking progress in the thing is dude… I think alcohol had a massive role to play in me making bad choices, but I do believe it was the bad choices that led to the climax of me and my wife’s bullshit.
I thought my brain had changed and developed and I just think my view on alcohol and like a drinking socially has completely and 100% changed.
And I think my wife like SOMETIMES wants her old drinking buddy back or something… I don’t know. But it’s like she’s only cool with it when she gives it to me? Or when she wants me to have it?
so then like the whole month of May. I mean, it’s like… back to the old days of drinking in the house. Im not getting obliterated by any means, but like im coming home, cracking open a claw, etc. she’s cracking open claws, etc. and we’re drinking and having a blast and its all fine, staying up WAY later than we should have. We’re not getting in fights tho. Its all fine.
then, rewind to this past sunday. It was my morning to get up with the kids. I do. At about 12:30 PM, I crack open my first claw. That was my first mistake.
everything, is mostly fine throughout the day, no big deal. But then I go to start my start my hobby @ 5:00 PM, where i will be by myself until about 11:00 PM.
while im doing my hobby, im drinking, my wife and I are texting about a friend of ours and how they’ve been acting like not so cool lately. And its been bothering me.
by 11:00 PM im pretty drunk. Likkkeee pretttyyy fuckin drunk.
i call my friend up, we have a great conversation about the shit thats been on my mind. All good.
but then, I get off the phone, I go into our bedroom, i lay down on the bed and I begin telling my wife that I spoke to our friend and before I can even get through the story, wife can tell that im like 3 sheets to the wind. And starts yelling at me. Getting upset at how drunk I am. Understandable. I was not in a place to like… have that conversation. Like I was GONE. And then this fuckin angry version of me comes out. and we start arguing. I slam doors. I say NASTY shit. She locks me out of the bedroom. That pisses me off. I try to get in by just whiteknucling the door handle. Doesn’t work. I leave. I kick a laundry basket. I grab a blanket. I go up stairs to the couch and pass out.
the next morning, wife gets up with the kids, takes em to school, I try to talk to her in the morning. We get into another fight.
i spend all day upstairs. I work all day from the up stairs loft.
our daughter gets home. I make her dinner. We go about our regular shit.
i was scheduled to do my hobby again last night. I was not in the mood. I hung out with my wife in our bedroom all night just scrolling through my phone as she worked on her computer.
she realizes that im tired and gets upset saying, “its like if youre not doing your hobby, everything else bores you and you’re tired.”
i tell her, “I honestly didn’t think you wanted anything to do with me today.”
i stay up, scrolling through my phone.
she had conversation with me about certain things. About the gift we bought my son (her stepson) and where we were going to set it up and how to take care of it.
she talks to me about these two songs she’s heard that seem to have the exact same beat.
we talk about how we need to re-do our budget bc we just got new bank accounts.
we laugh a few times.
eventually, she climbs into bed, we watch an episode of last week with Jon Oliver, and she rolls over to go to sleep.
before she falls asleep, I tell her how sorry I am,. How ashamed and stupid I feel. I tell her im so sorry for overdoing it. I dont know what got into me. I dont know why I decided to drink so heavily. I tell her that isn’t the type of husband I want to be. I tell her it’s not the type of father I want to be. I scared her with how drunk and angry I was. And its like all the hard work I did over the past year, it’s completely went away and was tarnished bc of the decision I made in one night to drink so heavily. I tell her I dont know how she could ever forgive me and I understand that. I tell her if I were to lose her, it would be considered my greatest failure. I tell her a lot more before I say, “and thats about it really.”
she says, “I dont know if I can respond to that right now, but thank you for sharing.”
she falls asleep. I fall asleep. I toss and turn all night. Dreading this morning to come.
i wake up, I get the kids ready, get daughter breakfast, get myself ready, I take daughter in to say bye bye. She is as sweet as ever with daughter. As if nothing happened.
i leave, take daughter to daycare, I go to work.
we havent spoken. ———
I don’t know what to do.
I thought that I was different. And I thought that after spending so much time not drinking any alcohol, I had formed a sort of new relationship with it and now had control. I don’t know why I made that stupid fucking decision to crack open that white claw at 12:30 PM.
I’m now thinking that I’m going to lose my wife and kids. And I have never been so scared in my life.
The obvious answer is, “you have to stop. Not even a few drinks and getting tipsy and being able to handle it is even remotely worth risking losing my wife and kids.”
I could give a fuck about drinking alcohol ever again.
I don’t know how I let it weasel its way back into my life. But it is the definition of a slippery slope. It just keeps going. And I got too comfortable and too confident in my ability to maintain. Until I got obliterated and lost all sense of dignity and respect.
I don’t know what the fuck I could even begin to possibly say for her to give me another shot at this. Of course, I think if we both stopped drinking, that would be the most ideal reality, but I don’t think that she should have to pay for my bullshit.
If there’s anyone out there, who read this whole thing, I really do appreciate it.
i’m just looking for some sort of advice as to what to do next

Hi all! First off, so glad this sub reddit exists because it was a life saver when I was making decisions on my own ACLr and knowing what to expect from surgery. I'm a 2x cancer surviver, Paramedic, Rugby player, and now have been a caregiver to my partner who just celebrated 3 months from her own ACLr. I collected a bunch of advice and tips and tricks that I have used both during cancer treatment, my own experience with ACLr, and now through care taking my partner through hers. I know there have been guides before, but mine is a bit different and aimed at caregivers so I thought I'd post it here since ya'll helped me so much instead of it just circulating the rugby community every time a teammate or friend has to have ACLr or some other reconstruction. Hope it's allowed and helps!
A Cancer Patients Guide To Knee Reconstruction Recovery
A Comprehensive Guide To Surviving and Thriving In the Pre and Post-op Period Built From The Perspective of Caretaker and Patient.
Before The Date
__/__/____

Preparation

It is important to adequately prepare for surgery in the weeks and days leading up to the procedure. A significant period of immobility and reliance on support can be expected immediately post-op and will vary by procedure and personal experience. Physical modification of living space and thorough preparation allows for the immediate post-op period to be free of emergency store runs and the small inconveniences that can add up to big frustration. Not having food and drink nearby as well as other essentials may be a small deal now, but can turn into a big deal when you can no longer get those things for yourself. While physical preparation (home modifications, adaptive tools, meal prepping, etc.) are important, mental preparation is crucial to the long term success of the repair. Making small, achievable goals in the immediate post-op period and maintaining a long sighted view of recovery will make the pain and immobility that is initially experienced more bearable. Additionally, social support through a partner, family members, or friends is an essential part of recovery, as is maintaining contact with sports teams or other social groups during rehabilitation.

General PEARLs

• Pre-surgical rehab is an essential part of recovery and can improve immediate outcome so if it is a resource available to you- use it!
• Learn the basics of your procedure such as reconstruction technique, graft type, surgeons recovery timeline, where you will do your rehab, and what you should expect going into and coming out of surgery. Knowledge is power and can give a sense of control and set reasonable expectations in a situation that is otherwise out of your control.
• Seek out positive experiences and recovery stories from other people who have had your procedure and gather as much advice as possible from resources such as ACL. Know that some people will have negative experiences, everyone is an individual, and that much of your long term recovery is in your control.
• Expect and learn to advocate for yourself or the person you are taking care of. Be vocal and honest with any needs you may have and understand that issues may come up in the immediate post-operative time that you as a patient or caregiver may have to contact your surgeon to resolve. Familiarize yourself with who to call and when *before* you leave after surgery, as well as being quick to call with any questions or problems that arise. It is better to be told that what you are experiencing is normal than to sit with the anxiety of the unknown.
• Create a folder with all relevant information: Surgeons name, procedure information, follow-up appointment dates and times, phone numbers, emergency contacts, facility of choice in an emergency situation, and any other important information. Maintain this folder throughout your recovery and add paperwork as it comes.

Days Leading Up To Surgery

• Contact support people and confirm any arrangements that have been made including but not limited to: Who is taking you to/from surgery, child or pet care, transportation to first PT appointments, meals, etc.
• Recommended Items we found essential:
  • Ice Machine (Polarcube, etc) if at all possible
    • Recommend checking facebook marketplace or other second hand options, as they cost hundreds new but can be found for $40 or so used.
    • Studies have shown these do actually reduce pain and lend to earlier mobilisation and our experience has shown this to be essential not just immediately post-op but in the weeks and months afterwards so if you *can* obtain one you absolutely should.
  • Large sweatshirt and oversized shorts for surgery day, especially if you wear a bra, as putting clothes on after surgery can be a struggle and it’s easiest to just throw on a sweatshirt and shorts that fit over your post-op bandages and brace.
    • In particular, we found a blanket hoodie to be very useful both for going home and the first few days as it could stay on when moving around/when napping.
  • Neck Pillow
    • Helps with reading or other activities during long hours spent in bed or on the couch and really helped in the first two days to prevent neck strain and provide head positioning during napping.
  • Large pillows for body positioning and elevation of the leg
    • We found cheap, giant, dog beds from places like TJ Max or Marshalls to be more affordable than specialty products
    • A large, thin, dog bed (or blanket) rolled into a tube and secured with stretch bandage or tape around the surgical leg and brace helped significantly with comfort during sleep so that the leg was padded, comfortable, and the other leg didn’t get roughed up from the brace.
  • A shower chair
    • Can be found used at second hand stores like Goodwill, or cheap online
    • Easy substitute is a chair covered in a trash bag
    • Allowed showering the second day post-op which was a huge mental boost and relieved physical discomfort and achy muscles
  • Extra large leg cast cover
    • Can be found cheap online
    • Placed around outside of brace covering the entire leg initially, we then found it easier to place on the leg and place the brace outside of the cover for the remaining healing period for the incisions: We did this after the first PT appointment when it was safe to take off the brace for short periods while laying down. We acquired a second post op brace from a friend (you can find on eBay for cheap) and it was amazing to have, as we could let it dry after showering and immediately put her post op brace back on.
  • Foldable stool
    • Great for elevating the leg during transfers, while on the toilet, etc.
  • Lap Desk
    • Great for eating on the couch or in bed, but we also found it useful as a side table for holding drinks/meds/remotes/books that could be taken to whatever room they landed in at the time
    • A small table works as well, really just anything that can be used to set things on within arms reach
  • Assortment of sodas, water, seltzers, snacks, etc.
    • There is no way to know what you will want and when, but when you want it it’s nice to *have* it available
    • Appetite often decreases after surgery so make sure to have favourites on hand so that when you *are* hungry you have it immediately before your body changes its mind
  • A big bucket
    • We used a soft plastic beach type bucket from the dollar store, it was extremely useful to have to put small items in, a small towel, a spare water bottle, extra meds, baby wipes, etc.
    • Also doubled as an emergency puke bucket, as you never know when a sudden bout of nausea might hit in the first day or two after surgery
  • Extra reusable ice packs and bags of ice
    • Your home ice maker will not be able to keep up with the demands of constant icing the first week or so
    • Reusable ones are great for ‘hot spots’ and short trips where you can’t take the ice machine
  • Extra steri-strips and assortment of bandages
    • Sometimes there’s extra leakage, sometimes your steri-strips come off and you need to slap a new one on, sometimes you’re allergic to the ones they put on you at the hospital. Always consult a medical professional, but it’s handy to have these on hand just in case.
    • We also used a bulky padded bandaid to keep the brace off the healing incisions once the large post-op dressing was taken off which helped immensely.
  • Compression sleeves
    • Aside from helping with swelling these also provided a layer of protection under the post-op brace
    • We found cheap ones at Wal-Mart (copper brand) but also just bought a cheap pair of leggings a size down and cut off one of the legs to use before getting a more expensive one once swelling had fully subsided after a few weeks. Your leg will change so cheap works great at first, then you can get something a bit more substantial when you know what you’ll need long term. Now she wears high compression socks to sleep 3 months out.
  • Slide on shoes
    • Self explanatory, bending down to put on shoes becomes a chore after surgery. Avoid flip flops or other styles that can become a trip hazard.
  • Baby Wipes/Dude Wipes/etc.
    • Wiping down after you get home from surgery can help prevent that icky feeling and restore some sense of normalcy, then can be used over the next few days before you can shower more normally
  • Lotion and chapstick
    • Hospitals dry out your skin big time, and lips are often cracked post surgery from intubation/LMA placement
  • Small, easily labelled tupperware containers
    • Regular pill containers are too small to hold pain meds, OTC pain meds, anticoagulants such as aspirin, supplements, and edibles or other small things you take with your medication. We got small tupperware boxes with lids from the dollar store.
    • We found it very convenient to have six sets of meds set up and labelled with times which meant we never missed doses and could leave the next dose of meds at bedside, take them with us when going to appointments, and keep up with what had been given and when.
  • Small notebook to record med times and other important information
  • Two extra changes of clothes already setup and ready to go
  • Compression device
    • We are athletes so we already had leg compression sleeves but these days off brand versions can be bought online cheap. Studies have shown these lead to reduced pain, increased mobilisation, reduced the chance of blood clots, and there is even some evidence they help with bone healing.
    • We used it 3 days post op and beyond and her range of motion was significantly improved after the first time.
  • A yoga strap
    • Excellent for strapping to the brace and moving the surgical leg
• If possible, pick up post-op medications prior to surgery to prevent any unexpected delay in obtaining them. If this is not possible, verify that the prescription can be filled the day of the surgery by your selected pharmacy and that it has been filled prior to leaving after your surgery. Controlled substances cannot be transferred to another pharmacy without a new prescription sent directly from the provider. You do not want to be trying to get in contact with a physician in the hours after surgery, unable to manage pain, before the pharmacies close for the night.
• Do a thorough clean of your living area, it will make the time after surgery when you cannot independently do normal activities more bearable and a neat organised space is easier to function in when your body is not cooperating. Take special attention to removing tripping hazards and clearing a wide path from wherever you plan to spend your recovery and the bathroom.
• Plan to spend the first couple of days in one spot and on one floor and set up that area the day before surgery. If you have a downstairs bathroom a floor mattress or well setup couch can be your landing pad until you are more mobile and is the easiest during the immediate post-op period. That being said, if you don’t, it’s easier to get upstairs by sliding up on your bum immediately post-op when your pain is still well controlled than realise that you have no bathroom downstairs a few hours later when the pain has started to set in. Wherever you intend to land, plan on staying there at least a couple of days and bring all your supplies to that area. Plan to lay with your surgical leg on the outside of what you are laying on, this makes transferring easier.
• Have your recovery bed setup the day before surgery and prepared for when you return before you leave the day of, including blankets and your supply table setup.
• Meal prep, whether that means cooking or getting easy to make microwave meals is up to you. You won’t feel like cooking and neither will your caretaker the first few days. High protein, easy to eat meals are key! We had chicken and broccoli casserole, egg and sausage frittata, and lots of applesauce the first few days and it was a lifesaver not to have to think about meals.
• Spend some time mentally preparing for the long haul of recovery and make long term plans that fit within your timeline. For example, we planned to attend a rugby game five days after surgery *but* planned nothing else for that day and the next day. We also planned hiking trips the next fall, and other events appropriate for her timeline along the way that could be looked forward to and keep up morale. Remember that this is temporary and that it is okay to be recovering and resting, expect hard moments and days but keep things planned so you don’t get stuck in those down places.
• Eat your favourite meal and eat well the day before surgery. Your body needs fuel to recover and fasting the day of surgery sucks. As weird as it sounds, after multiple surgeries, the pre-surgery night meal of whatever I want is one shiny thing in a crappy situation to hold on to.
• Plan for what you want your first meal to be and consider making a playlist for the ride to and from surgery. Small things, again, help maintain a sense of control and comfort in a situation where you are largely out of control and these things can be done with friends or support people in the days leading up to reduce anxiety and pass time.
• Hit the gym, take a walk, do a hike, visit places or do things you enjoy but won’t be able to do in immediate recovery! We took my partners knee to one last tournament before her surgery, it helped pass time and kept spirits high.

Day Of And Immediate Post-Surgery Phase

• Maintain fasting starting at whatever hour you are told. Some people can drink clear liquids up to a certain point, others are completely nothing by mouth. Your instructions will guide you on this.
• Before leaving home double check that everything is set up how you need it and place a blanket, pillow, drink, and snack of choice in the car. You may or may not need it but if you do it is important to have. Make sure your ice packs are in the freezer ready to go!
• Bring your own post-op snack if you are picky or have food allergies, otherwise you’re stuck with whatever graham cracker and applesauce combo the facility gives you.
• Go with the flow, or as I always say “surrender”. Feel what you feel, have a cry in the car before you go in, listen to your playlist, bring your blanket or other comfort items into pre-op, tell your support person what’s going through your mind, tell your pre-op staff how you’re doing, ask all the questions, and most importantly just do what you have to do. For some people surgery can be overwhelming and the loss of control frightening, but fighting only makes it worse, so whatever you are just be it. I’m pre-op pacer myself, but some people just snuggle up under some warm blankets and wait. Either way, just let the waves take you where they go and know you’re along for the ride. Remember that future you with a healthy joint thanks you for what you’re doing today.
• Speak frankly with your anesthesiologist and utilise any pain control or anxiety control options given to you. There is no award for least meds taken or toughest patient of the day. If a nerve block is available, know that you can request sedation for its placement, and utilise that option if at all possible.
• Caregivers should bring something to keep them entertained and be prepared for a long period without update once surgery has started. Honour your feelings as well, it can be tough to watch someone you care about go through this! Consider having someone to act as a support person for you as well through text or phone, that way you can divert your own worries or struggles to them and away from the person having surgery while still making sure you are also taken care of.
• Make sure that pain is well controlled before leaving after surgery. You have more options there than you will at home and getting things under control once pain has become unbearable can be very difficult.
• Make sure you note when the next dose of medication is due, what medication they should be taking, and write it down.
• Double check contacts from your surgeons office and add any post op paperwork to your folder in case you need the information later.
• If your post-op meal requires picking up, or your prescription, try and do that immediately after leaving surgery even if you are not hungry yet. This is the most comfortable you will be for a while and your support person will be unable to leave for at least that day and night. I have been known to peruse the big gas station after surgery in search of snacks, my partner however simply waved to the nice people at the drive through and napped the rest of the way home before eating some hours later.
• Once you get home crash wherever you plan on spending the rest of the time. Don’t have friends or family over that first day. Just go ahead and sleep through the rest of the anaesthesia and get comfortable.
• Try and keep your home cool, and consider keeping the room dim for the first few hours if not days. Sleep is precious and pain meds can make you hot, and getting hot can lead to nausea. It is better to have the home cool and the person snuggled under blankets and comfortable than be trying to cool someone down who just had surgery and got too hot and is now dizzy, nauseous, and miserable. The least stimulation for the first little while the better, and naps will happen throughout the rest of the day and over the next few days. A cool, dim place lets this happen much easier than a bright, warm place where they might be overstimulated or awakened by noise or activity.
• If allowed, try and activate the quad muscle immediately after returning home and once every few hours by having them squeeze it and feeling for contraction while in the brace. Some people will be able to begin range of motion exercises immediately and if so, make sure to do them as soon as allowed even if that means just helping them by doing gentle manual range of motion movements in the brace.
• If it’s not already on, begin continuous icing as soon as you come out of surgery either by meticulously timing the replacement of ice packs or with the ice machine. Make sure to check the ice machine, replace ice as often as needed, and keep it on *continuously* for the next few days. For us this meant I checked it at every medication dose throughout the night and added ice during that time as well. We went through frozen mini water bottles and bags of ice like crazy the first week.
• Elevate the surgical leg as high as possible, placing support under the heel and calf but not directly under the knee to promote extension and prevent more headaches with gaining range of motion later on.
  • We found that icepacks directly under the knee helped tremendously with the discomfort associated with this.
• Anticipate that bathroom trips will not be fun or easy and take them extremely slow. As a caregiver allow the person to guide you on what they need and don’t need your help with and avoid grabbing or moving someone unexpectedly. Standing, acclimating to being upright, and then proceeding to the bathroom is the best way to do things and rushing will only result in frustration for both of you. A rolling chair or wheelchair can be helpful, but for some people standing up and sitting down is harder than just moving on to the bathroom. Pay attention as a caregiver and know that it is possible they may need your help getting off the toilet or back from the bathroom so be close by and available should that happen. For the first few days do not lock the bathroom door in case of an emergency.
• Place chairs or things to sit on around your path to the bathroom, kitchen, etc. And consider a small backpack or using a rolling chair to carry items around the house.
• Once you know when your next dose is, set alarms for each time your doses are due. If using the med boxes this makes doing meds and keeping track very easy, as they are each labelled with a time and all we had to do was open the box and take the meds instead of finding each bottle and dosing each med individually each time. As the days went on we were able to re-label and time the boxes as needed and remove meds as needed or adapt to what was needed when sleeping or up during the day.
  • For example day 1 would look like:
    • First post-op doses at 4pm box: 250mg tylenol, 10mg oxycodone, 5mg edible.
    • 8pm box: 250mg tylenol, 10mg oxycodone, 800mg ibuprofen, 10mg edible, 12.5mg diphenhydramine (itching and sleep), stool softener, and regular night time meds.
    • Midnight box: 250mg tylenol, 5mg oxycodone, 5mg edible.
    • 4AM: 250mg tylenol, 5mg oxycodone, 800mg ibuprofen, edible (if nauseas or restless).
    • 8AM box (preparing to get up): 250mg tylenol, 10mg oxycodone, 5mg edible, aspirin, stool softener, normal morning meds.
    • 12pm: 250mg tylenol, 10mg oxycodone, 5mg edible, 800mg ibuprofen.
    • Repeated on time, reducing pain med dose as tolerable, and refilling boxes 1x a day.
• If possible do scheduled tylenol (paracetamol) and ibuprofen (or another NSAID), alternating them on the dosing schedule, and take them religiously even through the night. This also goes for additional pain medications, which you will also need to wake to take through the night if you are prescribed for at least the first night.
• Staying on schedule might mean waking up in the night, but it’s better to be awoken to take meds than to wake up in pain and spend several hours trying to get it under control. You may find you seldom need them if your nerve block is in place, or you may just not need very much at all during your recovery. It is easier to trial run this after the first day by stretching out the time between doses from 4 to 6 to 8 and then potentially off entirely, but everyone will have their preferences.
• Eat a small snack with every med dose and keep emergency meds (extra pain med doses, nausea meds, etc.) at bedside as well as the next set of meds due so they can be taken when it is time.
• We found that edibles were a great addition to pain and nausea control after surgery. There are medication options available and having at least one option for nausea is advisable for the first few days after surgery when anaesthesia and medication can really make you want to puke.
• Expect absolutely nothing in the first few days post-op. Some people will feel well enough to move around, others will not be able to do anything but get up to use the bathroom. Expecting nothing is better than expecting more and being disappointed or frustrated. I would highly suggest not making plans until your first follow up 7 or so days after surgery.
• Be obsessive about icing, meds, any PT you have been given, and keeping track of appointments. Give yourself the best start to your recovery that you can and you will thank yourself later!

One thing I've noticed they (Kammy and Nev) do too often, particularly in this episode, is cut slack for objectively "beautiful" people.
In some episodes, they will see that the catfish is a nice looking person and immediately be like "Well you can still date them then!" Even if they lied just as much as any other catfish. Whereas if the catfish was a normal, or even overweight person, they are immediately on their ass about the lies and basically telling the victim to get out of it.
In this episode, I noticed that they kept repeating, "She's beautiful." so many times when they were searching the profiles and found the image of the actual girl. But during the same Google search, they came across a girl's Facebook profile that shared the same name and since she wasn't as "beautiful" to them, they only said "Oh, suspect number one here." Why didn't they say, "Oh she's pretty too. I guess if it's her she doesn't need to hide."-type stuff.
Now, I understand why to an extent, but in this particular episode I really noticed how many times he repeated how beautiful she was and it was just so "Throw it all out the window then, no problems here." Overboard.

In short the idea is akin to the Idiocracy "Not Sure" type thing, where the character is given a weird wrong name in some official sense and then throughout the story he's almost always referred to by that name by the other characters.
It's only for some college writing class but it is a world I'd want to expand on in the future because I like the potential the story could give me. It's a kind of space-opera, I'm trying to add funny things like tropes and references from classic books and older movies - but in space!
GRIPE: So I usually ask my little brother for advice cause he'll give it to me straight and a view from a reader rather than writer (he doesn't write at all, he's just a varsity athlete still in high school and reads sci-fi mostly from Preston & Child) And he warned me that doing this may be tiring to the reader.
Like one idea was a guy submitted a form without filling out the majority of it so his name would be First Last. And my brother said a reader might get annoyed when they "think" of my MC they're saying a word in their head that isn't a real name. (Not locked on First Last, that was just an example I gave him.)
I kinda get it, but what do you think.

To the Board of Directors, Advisory Board, and Instructors at the Global Center for Religious Research:
When I first came across an advertisement for the Global Center for Religious Research’s courses, I got excited, especially because the instructors weren’t all old white guys like me. I wanted to get a broad range of experiences. I intended not only to sign up for the courses, but to see whether or not I might be able to offer courses through GCRR in the future. I pictured a future in which I would have a whole new set of colleagues who, like me, treat clients who have experienced religious trauma.
Before buying anything, I decided to join the “Religious Trauma Studies” Facebook group that GCRR is running. It took me less than an hour to become very concerned about the behavior of GCRR and its leader, Darren Slade.
While GCRR’s advertisements give the impression of professionalism and research, Slade himself is traumatizing and even harassing his/your own customers. Do you not see it? Best case scenario: he’ll keep embarrassing you. Worst case scenario: someone (especially if you ever have employees) is going to sue you. If he publicly treats his customers with this much contempt, how will he treat his employees, if he ever gets this business off the ground?
To illustrate, I am attaching several documents printed (customer names redacted) from the GCRR’s “Religious Trauma Studies” Facebook group. It’s messy, but you can go look up the Facebook group and find the originals.

• In his comments, Darren Slade keeps referring to “We”, as in “here’s how we do things around here”. He has a lot of people listed on his website as his “International Advisory Board” and as instructors of his courses. Did you all get together and advise him to be this condescending and hostile to your own customers? Do you want him to talk to women with this much contempt?
• He expresses pride several times about the fact that this group is “not a safe space”. IN A GROUP ABOUT TRAUMA??!
• Maybe you think this is fine, because everyone is offensive on the Internet? But if "the boss" at any company in America tacked any one of these memes or notes to an office bulletin board, each one would be an instant, valid complaint to the Human Resources department. And Darren Slade’s replies to the complaints would warrant another complaint. When his/your customers complain on Facebook, he rolls his eyes and tells them that he’s not responsible for their “triggers”. If he talks to his customers this way, how will he talk to his subordinates in the future? Especially young women subordinates? Do you see him expressing any respect here, for anyone, especially if they don’t agree with him?
• He refers to himself and the entire GCRR repeatedly as “inappropriate”, “unprofessional” “offensive”, and even “creepy”, and he says "we" like it that way. Do you like being represented that way? Are you part of this, or is this guy a runaway ego train?
• Some of you are trained as therapists. I'm a retired psychologist. You know that the following behaviors are cause for concern in anyone who is promoting himself as the leader of any kind of group. You'll find several examples of each of these circled in the attached document:
  • Slade sees himself as both the hero and the victim in every story he tells. He talks a lot about the death threats he has supposedly receives.
  • Regularly expresses condescension, contempt, and hostility toward his own customers, especially women. If a woman points out that he's being sexist, he claims that she is being sexist against him.
  • Constantly talks about his Ph.D. Most of my colleagues put “PhD” after their names and leave it at that… but this guy? This guy needs to mention his PhD at least a couple times a week.
  • Makes sexually demeaning/harassing comments to women if they disagree with him (see the “Google Complaint” document), tries to get the whole community to join him in this, and then gets even more condescending and contemptuous if a woman customer complains. He sees accusations of sexism against him as being unfair accusations leveled at him “because he identifies as ‘male’”
  • When people try to help him not be a jackass, he just turns up the hostility and tells them to leave if they don't like it.
  • Repeatedly fails to show empathy, especially with anyone who disagrees with him.
  • Presents a professional face to the world (GCRR ads), but behind closed doors is abusive and inflammatory.

If you’re a therapist, do you not see how much credibility you lose by associating yourself with an organization that mocks your own therapy clients for being triggered and having feelings? And Slade's approach isn't just annoying or unprofessional, it’s aggressive. Surely you can see what I’m talking about? Why are you supporting this guy?
At one point in the attached document (while accusing a woman of being sexist against him for saying he's being sexist), Slade even claims that men are constantly discriminated against just for speaking, and that "oppression and marginalization cut both ways". (About 1/3 of the way down page 3). You are all experts in religious trauma, and I first became interested in GCRR's courses because I saw some women and people of color among the instructors and advisors. Do you, as a group, actually believe that "oppression and marginalization cuts both ways"? Do you believe that racism, sexism, and homophobia oppress and marginalize straight white men just as much as people of color, women, and LGBT people? If so, I'll be warning people away from your whole organization.
Our job is to help people put an end to this kind of abuse, not to perpetuate it. Our job is to help people to recover from their traumas, not inflict more trauma, and certainly not to belittle them for speaking up.
If I had gotten involved without checking out how Slade treats his customers, I'd be embarrassed now, so I'm taking the time to give you the professional heads-up that I would want were I in your shoes.
https://drive.google.com/file/d/128aqrYsIlbCBLcWfAiYu6JdaDeZ_1Ouo/view?usp=sharing

Anytime someone sends me a chat request I try to view their profile really quick to make sure they aren’t a bot. However, on the mobile app I can’t seem to find a way to do that? When I tap the person’s user name in the chat request nothing happens, when I try to tap the … at the top right of the screen nothing happens. Also, for some weird reason it’s impossible to get these user names to show in search. I had to go out to google and type “bobevans21 username Reddit” to get to the person’s profile.
Am I missing something here or is the mobile app set up purposefully to make it impossible to screen chat requests from the app? If I tap someone’s user name in the comments of a post it takes me to their profile no problem, it’s just the direct chat function that seems to not have any option for that.

I passed! AT/AT/AT. Took the test this past Saturday May 18, at a test center. Thank you to everyone on this sub, reading through your tips and experiences made all the difference.
Context: Start to finish, I completed this journey in about 4 weeks. I was laid off in March of this year and am job hunting. So, having the time, I opted to do it on a very aggressive timeline, to knock it out and beef up my resume. Not having it on the resume felt like a blocker for the positions I’ve been applying to, time will tell if it helps. I do wish I had thought to do it while still employed, so I could have done it on their dime. (I could not have pulled this off this quickly while working full time.)
Budget (USD) $723

• $159 - PMI membership
• $79 - PMI Study Hall Plus
• $425 - PMI Exam
• $20 - Andrew R's Udemy course
• $25 - AR Prep Book, Ebay
• $15 - Third3Rock Study Guide

Timeline

• April 19: Purchased AR’s course
• May 1: Once I got course completion certificate, I submitted PMP application. No audit.
• May 3: Bought Study Hall Plus
• May 11: Finally confirmed my PMP application approval. It had been approved a few days prior, but the notification was not sent. So I recommend checking and not waiting for an email. Paid and scheduled exam, to take on site. Too many horror stories of online, test center is 15 min away.
• May 18: Took and passed exam!

Prep and study plan:

• AR Udemy course for the 35 PDU. Watched on 1.5-1.75x speed, took notes. Got 72% on the in-session mock exam.
• AR PMP Exam Prep Simplified book. Read the whole thing. Averaged about 70-75% on the section quizzes. Saved full mock exam till later.
• PMI Study Hall Plus: Took all 5 full exams (only 1 per day, I’m not a monster. Took the last one 3 days before exam). Scores 69/73/75/63/62. I reviewed all questions after, and made sure I understood the wrong ones. The expert questions killed my last two scores. Also took a bunch of the SH mini quizzes. First pass, scored 60-70’s.
• I built a post-it Mural (mural.io) of the 49 processes/ITTOs. I was having hard time getting these to stick, and taking the time to do this helped me visualize it and keep it straight in my head. It’s not perfect, more of a brain dump in virtual post-its, but I’m happy to share a read-only link if anyone is interested.
• Watched David McLachlan’s 150 PMBOK 7 Q&A on YouTube. Helpful to learn his approach to highlighting key points and eliminating.
• When away from studying (i.e., driving, on walks, etc) — instead of my usual podcasts, I listed to a bunch of Scott Payne’s podcast “PMP Exam Prep Success Secrets”. More conversational, a much different style than DM or AR. I found it helpful. I don't know if it's the best podcast resource out there, but by then I was fried, so I grabbed first one I could find. I was done researching :)
• Third3rock PMP Study Notes/Cheat Sheet. So many of you recommended this! I grabbed it about 5 days before exam, read through multiple times through the week. Fantastic resource! (Thank you u/third3rock!)

Final countdown to test: Two days before exam:

• Took AR’s full exam in from the Prep Simplified book (85%)
• Reset SH mini exams and started redoing them, improved scores to 80-90’s, and one 100
• Re-read Third3Rock docs

Day before exam

• Rewatched AR’s mindset videos, reread minset section of prep book
• Re-read mindset section of Third3Rock
• Did more mini SF exams to stay in practice
• Reviewed Mural content

Morning of exam:

• Reread Third3Rock mindset section, and AR's mindset pages on drive in

Finally the test itself :

• Scheduled for 8am at testing center. My husband dropped me off at 8am to save me the stress of finding parking (test center at local university.)
• Locked up my stuff, turned off phone and took off apple watch. Got signed in and started at 8:30. Had to show ID and show empty pockets at beginning and at every break.
• I could not bring my water into test room, but could leave it on counter near proctors.
• There were only 5 drag and drop. Only one question required calculation for CPI. No PERT or Comm Channels. No MBTI or DiSC. Maybe 5 ITTO at best. Everything else followed closely to Study Hall approach, situational and mindset. Heavy on agile and hybrid.
• I followed the 230/155/80 timing, which was super helpful to time things out. I paced myself, took breaks at 154 min and 83 min, and finished with 4 minutes to spare. I didn’t mark any for review, and at my pace it was just as well, I would not have had time to review.
• I used the highlight and strikethrough on every question. Do the tutorial in beginning to get comfortable with the tool.
• Be careful to understand the rules at the test center. I almost got in trouble at the first break! I asked permission to go to my locker for snacks after 1st break, which were right off to the side and in view of proctors. I stayed at locker to eat some granola and grapes, and was reprimanded, since I was supposed to bring the snacks out to the proctor’s desk area, which I now realize was in view of the cameras. Whoops! I apologized and said I misunderstood the rules. I’m glad they did not suspect me of trying to use my phone, etc. I was a little nervous waiting for final results due to this.
• Make sure to return from break a few minutes early, because proctor needs to sign you back in to your station. I had to wait until they got to me.
• Got my provisional pass on way out the door, and my official pass confirmation the next evening.

Most helpful tips:

• Read the last sentence in the scenario question FIRST. So you know what to pay attention to when reading the scenario.
• Strike through the obviously wrong answers first, to stay focused.
• Mindset, mindset, mindset. When in doubt, mindset.

Hope that helps! Good luck!

Hello, here I am once again! First ever Fan-Fic.
Last week I opened a poll about the type of Fan-Fic I should write (or try to), and after a good 4 days I took a look at said poll, and the overwhelming majority went for Option 2. And so I shall try my hardest to deliver, and give you all a story about Humanity entering on the Galactic stage later and being more prepared for eventual hostile encounters, and acting as such.
Let's see what I can cook up in my tired state- Some creative liberties are to be expected.
Still thinking of a Title- but this is the one I came up with.
... Also consider this a proof of concept for now, a WIP if you will, as I'm still new to writing (and not a native English speaker either) and wanting to learn as much as possible while writing anything at all- so expect word vomit. Any and all feedback will be welcomed.
Lastly, all love to for having made such an amazing universe.
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Memory Transcription Subject: N/A, AI Communications Unit Terminal, UN-HQ.
Date [Standardized Human Time]: January 1st, 2300, 00:00
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<<00:15, Probe successfully launched. Explore protocol initiated.>>
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Log Update: 01:15
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Log Update: 10:15
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Log Update: 10:35
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Log Update: 10:50
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Memory Transcription Subject: N/A, Terminal Deactivated.
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Memory Transcription Subject: Alan Voor-hein, UN Secretary-General.
Date [Standardized Human Time]: January 1st, 2300, 11:00
It has finally happened. A fellow space-faring civilization has been found, something we thought would happen one day- Never in my 40 years would I have guessed it would happen in my lifetime. But I guess that is the thought process for everyone who are now involved.
I had gotten the first message out of anyone. It was now up to me to head to the HQ and get everything ready for the Emergency meeting. We'll have to "discuss" our next course of action on this situation. And I use the term "discuss" lightly, because there is not a lot to discuss, rather there is much to think about as a potential next step. I'll be having these discussions with our diplomatic and military advisors. Civil advisors will be left out, as to not make the public aware of this discovery ...at least, not yet.
I have an hour to get everything ready... and I still need to travel 20 minutes to get there. Luckily I have my own companion who can be my chauffeur- who is always ready at a moments notice, essentially 24/7.
I was speed-walking.. or speedily descending more like it, down the stairs of my house. ...Don't ask me what I was doing upstairs. My hastiness almost caused me to trip while going down the stairs because I was in a such rush to get outside, I did not have a lot of time on my hands.
After reaching the ground-floor I sped-walked past the kitchen, and I took a second to contemplate about taking a quick bite from a snack, but I decided against it. After-all, I could eat at the HQ... not that I'd have the time too, but at least I could give it a shot if I arrive in time.
As my journey to the front door continued, I was met with a familiar face- namely Heluni. Heluni is my Android companion. Android technology has gotten far over the last few decades, and Androids have become more Human than ever before.
"Good morning Alan!" Heluni spoke up, her voice as smooth as the calmest oceans. I looked towards her, and greeted her in return.
"Morning Heluni- Sorry to be a bother, but I gotta use your driving expertise again today. Emergency UN meeting. It's at 12, but I would like to be there as quickly as possible. Can you do that for me?"
"Of course I can, sir. Right this way." She led the way, opening the front door, waiting on me to follow behind her. I took my place behind her as she led me towards our car that was parked outside. A classic unmarked "not noticeable" vehicle, one everyone knows screams "here is someone important" but no one seems to care about in their daily life.
And like always when walking outside, my mind wandered to the flowing shoulder long hair Heluni has, her hair was always a beautiful sight to behold. How she- an Android- managed to have the hair of a Goddess remains a mystery to me. But I learned to never question our technological prowess.
Before I knew it, I was standing next to the car, Heluni having already taken the drivers seat. I took my seat in the back. And before I even sat down, Heluni look back at me. "Ready sir?"
"Floor it." was the only thing I responded with.. and Heluni took off like it was the end of the world.
... And I'm suddenly reminded why I only used her driving skills in Emergencies. This type of driving is gonna make me sick- but it's to late now, I suppose. I gazed down to my watch, and it's 11:15. If Heluni keeps driving like this, we'll be there in about 10 minutes.
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I'm just gonna try and keep myself calm, as to not make myself sick with Heluni her driving.
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We drove through the city towards the UN Headquarters. Heluni was cutting through the traffic wherever she could- you'd think we would get pulled over. But the only reason we never were, was because the only symbol on this car (to at least mark it somewhat) was that the UN symbol was put in place of the car-manufacturer logo. Any officer knew that, if a UN car was speeding like this, there was something going on.
But since I still did not want the public to know about the discovery made earlier today, I'd have to come up with some excuse for this... I think I'll wave it off as a training exercise for my Android.
Noticing that I was rather quiet, Heluni chirped up. "Sir, is everything okay?"
"Hm? .. Oh yeah, just thinking about stuff. Don't worry about it."
"Sir, is it about the upcoming meeting? What is it about?"
"..Heluni, that's confidential information-"
"I know sir, but perhaps.. whatever it will be about, is making you nervous?"
... Am I nervous? I don't think I am- maybe subconsciously I am??
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"Well, I can say it's something I have never planned on doing."
"Is it bad?" Heluni asked me, trying to inquire more out of me.
"Depends on future circumstances...."
"Will I be allowed to know more about this meeting?"
"One day you will, Heluni. But for now, that's gonna be a negative."
"I understand, Sir."
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For the rest of our journey, no words were spoken. I was deep in thought again. Like.. what does this mean for my career? I will be the first leader in UN history who may lay the ground-works for an eventual "First Contact" between Humans and an Alien species.
I'm nervous thinking ahead that far, for all we know, they are those type of Alien we have seen in pop-culture. Either fun and loving, or utterly ruthless and genocidal. What would they think of us? ... What will we think of them? Is there a potential for a future war?
We have that last one covered at least. Humans being Humans and all- we already have a decent Space going fleet of roughly 8000 ships of various sizes. ... Just in case a Colony gets any funny ideas with their local security forces. But now knowing we might have to face off against Aliens as well, I think it's about time to ramp up the ship production tenfold.
More importantly, we have to spy on them. Luckily that probe we sent is close to their planet, so we'll just use that for any surveillance and intelligence..
My thoughts were shaken back into reality from plausible scenarios once we took a tight corner a little too fast- but before I could scold Heluni for it, there it was, the UN-HQ in the distance. A few more minutes, and we'll be there.
...
===---===
There we have it! I think I did well in my tired state for this first part. I'll keep looking through the text itself from time to time. So if any feedback, grammar, etc, is thrown my way. I can implement them right away.
I hope this is setting a decent stage for what's to come. Hope you had fun reading this!
For now, Imma chill with some music.

I'm reaching out for some advice/guidance regarding my job search situation after a challenging last year or so. I guess I start by saying that this will be a long post.

1. I finished a contract job early last year. After spending a significant amount of time on the resume (first time i did so largely on my own, took a better part of a few months trying to figure that out). I started applying online around the summer and I was getting interviews, but it didn't go anywhere (got close twice, getting to the third round, but still nothing).

Long story short, It got to the point where this year, i needed to move back in with family because i didnt want to go into debt. Now, there telling me to apply to the CRA and do the situational judgement test, and then everything will be fine and you could apply to any job.
Ignoring how incredibly competitive those roles must be, there's likely a high probability that I don’t have the years of experience for that (have basically around 2 years in several roles) that I dont see, with my employment gap and despite me doing volunteer work right now how even if i do the situational judgement test, that it could be remotely worth the effort.... Is this in any way realistic? Anyone familiar with what the process is actually like applying for jobs at the CRA?

1. My interviewing skills are weak. I've made careless mistakes as I look back on some interviews i've done. I've thought about going to the university i graduated from and asking for help, however, I always felt that interview prep was more suitable after getting the request for the interview from the employer, meaning you have a few day notice at best.

Each job description/job your applying for is different so your preparation will be different each time. Is there a place any of you went to in order to get help with interviews? Has general interview preparation worked for you?
I've practiced with family/friends before many times, but it hasnt really helped because the issue is and its hard to explain, but its hard to simulate an actual job interview with people your familiar with because the nerves aren't there for me.

1. At this point, I view advice like "apply online", "keep applying" given my unemployment gap is longer then a year, that advice feels like a wasted effort right now, I've tailored and altered my resume slightly, changing job titles, the beginning profile summary so it aligns better with jobs i've applied for so many times, I have so many different versions of my resume saved on my computer.

I had finally decided last month, to change my strategy and given that I had to move back in with family, I looked more toward volunteer work, as an easier way to cover up an employment gap, and an easier way to gain work experience right now. I started a non-paid volunteer role last month (thankfully, no interview required, just orientation process). This felt like a realistic option, but its a non-paid volunteer role. That very obviously wont work long term, and thats why I'm looking for general advice here on what to do next.

1. I've contacted agencies. Robert Half, Recruiting in Motion, Altis Technology are the ones where I have actually get responses back. However, i guess it comes back to the interviewing skills issue where maybe I'm just not showing enough energy during those calls. Which is why, going back to #2, If anyone has tips or resources that helped them improve their interview skills beyond practicing with family and friends, I'd greatly appreciate any advice you can offer.
   
2. I'm also signed up with YMCA's Employment Services through Employment Ontario. I recently did that, so its to early for me to say whether they'll be any benefit from it.
   
3. In terms of networking, I went through a significant amount of mental and physical health issues during my time in university. One of my regrets during that time was not being able to do, what your supposed to during that time which was network/build connections. I was in no shape to remotely think about working and doing school work at the same time. I tried that once during the summer time one year and I was really struggling , and I was only doing 2 courses during that semester. I’m far better now compared to before, but its more that, now that I’m out of school. I’m not sure where to start with that. ________________________
   

Thank you to anyone that might have took the time to actually read all of that. For some reason, I feel better after writing it.

Dunno if this is the right place to ask but figured no harm in trying.
I'm in Washington State, and there's a grocery store in town that's begun locking the only entrance/exit all the time. When someone goes to leave, the cashier has to press a button to unlock the door. Button isn't actively being pressed, nobody gets out. (there's another door that's physically built to be entry only so getting in is never an issue)
I feel like this violates some fire safety code, because if no cashier is present there is no way to exit the building without climbing to a high window and breaking it (I assume there's a back door but the back of house is big and obstructed from view so I don't know how reasonable it is to call that a public fire escape) . Can anyone confirm if this is in fact an issue from a legal standpoint, and what authority would be able to enforce it?