my partner, who i love, has been working on changing. they are going to therapy, using therapy tools and making huge effort. they always admit their mistakes and apologise soon after they do something like yell o overreact. they grew up without a role model for love, and their family relationships are tumultuous- which I have seen. The family is a lot. They are also from a culture known for yelling being he normal.
Anyways, I am close with my family. My mom came to visit us after three years of marriage (international couple) and finally met my partner in person. The first few days were fine but the last day was awful. All the stuff my partner had worked on in therapy over the past few months went out the window completely. They insulted me in a catty way and told me they wanted a divorce twice in the same day, both in front of my mom. Both times they apologised after but it was INSANE that they did this in front of my mom, whose opinion means so much to me. She now told my family and doesn't feel like I am in a emotionally safe relationship. I moved to a different country to be with my partner so for them to threaten divorce is to uproot and change my whole life in a way that is so intense. International relationships are hard and we have had a difficult time as it is.
My mom and I cried on the last day, not how I wanted her to feel at the end of her trip. She supports and loves my other siblings relationships, but said mine felt like a toxic cycle of fighting and making up. I don't know what to do. My partner cried and apologised, asking for me back and said they would do more therapy and that they didn't mean it. They used to say that and I told them threatening the relationship is abusive when i have nobody in this country and that's a big reason they went to therapy in the first place. The fighting was over trivial sh*t like sharing housework and just little stuff I don't fight people over. Insulting me too. My mom knows i'm very non particulachill and knows I wouldn't ever get worked up about these things. She felt my partner talked down to me and was not pulling their weight in the relationship, which is true and I almost broke up with them before they started making those impactful changes.
Now my mom saw the way they treated me a few months ago before they started to change, and I was so upset in her visit those behaviours came out. When they said they wanted a divorce in front of my mom I almost packed my bags and left. I stayed in the end because they were telling me they are going to do more therapy or anything I need to try to change. They love me and I love them, my mom agrees to seeing their love for me and that it is a dysfunction in how they show it.
I told them I am taking time to decide if I should stay or go. I am married and in love with this person, so nuanced answers would be appreciated. They are a good person, but with bad learned tendencies from their family (which I have witnessed) and are actively trying to change.
On the flip, can I be with someone who would talk down on me and threaten our relationship in front of my family? It seems humiliating in an unforgivable way, or that's how it felt in the moment. I love them very much, but I feel at a crossroads.
Can people change patterns they work hard to change, and do not want in your opinion. And if they can, how long would I need to be patient to wait for those changes. They've been in therapy for a few months and had really made so many changes I asked for until my mom came... which is really really upsetting. We are in our early 20's and I just need advice from other married people. They have manipulative and controlling tendencies- and so does the family. I always call it out, they always apologise.
I know people say "if your partner wants to they will" and they are doing everything I asked, but how they acted especially in front of meeting my mom was nuts. They are in the process of changing. I am in the process of deciding to stay or go.
Mind you, it is a huge life decision as I applied for PR in their home country and paid a lot of money and we are married. My whole life would change drastically if I left, and they are my best friend, partner, and companion. They treat me right 80% of the time, but the other 20% is unacceptable. And they know that. I always tell them.
Drunk rant.

I’m planning to buy a house (not sure if this is really a good decision) and I’m a bit anxious na baka hindi ko mapanindigan 🥺
I’ve grown accustomed to a certain lifestyle na comfortable. Like I order food whenever I want, I like to travel a lot (local and international), gala almost every weekend, trying new activities, bili ng kape everyday, getting a massage once a week, etc
Pero with the new house, the monthly amort will consume more than half of my salary, and this means I need to cut some costs.
Any tips po para makatipid and para maovercome po yung nakasanayan na lifestyle?
May way po ba na makatipid pero maenjoy pa rin ang life?
Iniisip ko pa lang na need ko silang ilet go, I already feel miserable.
Thank you po sa inputs and help! 🙏

Big Bubbler -Shield deals chip damage to enemies like the Rainmaker's shield.
Trizooka -Projectiles will start to spread apart after a certain distance.
Killer Wail 5.1 -If no target is locked onto, the beams will stay still, acting similarly to the original Killer Wail. -In Salmon Run, tageting now uses a priority system; Boss Salmonids have higher priority than Common ones, and Kings have higher priority than both. Beams will lock onto the highest priority target in sight.
Triple Inkstrike -If two beacons touch eachother, their respective missiles will spiral with eachother, creating a singular, larger tornado. If all three beacons touch, the resulting tornado will be the size of the original Inkstrike.
Crab Tank -Walking into enemies while in firing mode deals damage to them. -In Salmon Run, all damage received by the user during the use of the special is redirected to the Crab Tank itself.
Zipcaster -Movement speed is increased like if the user drank a Tacticooler can. (does not stack with Tacticooler effect) -User will be pulled back if they go above the enemy spawn region.
Ink Vac -Vacuum also pulls in enemy ink that is on the stage.
Tacticooler -Thermal Ink and Respawn Punisher are included amongst the drink's effects.
Wave Breaker -Each wave will go farther than the last. (first wave is smaller, second is og size) -In Salmon Run, Boss Salmonids will be marked by the special's placement and its waves.
Reefslider -Slide can be turned, though the angle is limited.
Kraken Royale -Special can be activated mid-Super Jump like Triple Splashdown
Super Chump -Each marker shows a random name from user's team to enemies, and "Chump" to user's team.
Triple Splashdown -Ink fists aim slightly at nearby enemies.
Splattercolor Screen -Ink sheet is now see-through for user's team. -Effect is changed to be silent and to only affect ink colors.
Booyah Bomb -If the user is splatted while their Booyah Bomb is fully charged, it will go off immediately.
Ultra Stamp -User is shielded like Booyah Bomb until the special ends or is thrown.
Tenta Missiles -Missiles can be shot out of mid-air like Torpedoes.
Inkjet -Air movement speed is increased to regular human form walk speed. (does not stack with Tacticooler effect) -User will be pulled back if they go above the enemy spawn region.
Ink Storm -Rain heals and refills user's team's ink like swim form in ink if they stand in it.

I'm just having an extra bad day. I have to take care of my post stroke mom who is likely on the spectrum n deal w my narcissistic borderline personality disordered memory losing father.
Closing her bedroom door i didn't realize I he was reentering. I literally just made a slight brush on his arms as I had just swung it closed over carpet n the door was hollow plywood. But here we go. Perceived slight n offense. Into you don't respect me n an hr long verbal rage as I'm trying to give my mom a bath, remove everything off her bed to change her sheets n wash them. Literally doing slave work as I'm being verbally abused.
And she just is quiet. Hollering at me to do this n that. Sometimes I wonder if this is what hell is.
He thinks he's doing my all sorts of favors when on reality me doing everything gives him too much extra time to pick fights w us bc of his boredom.
I really wish it on no one to have to take care of a mentally and emotionally reactive person. When my mom passes he's into a nursing home.
Caregiving is a life lived in shame n humility. Society doesn't value your work as work, so people look down on you. The people who you take care of, they have groomed you in ways to be emotionally guilted into being obligated to be responsible for them.
The inner feeling is like walking down a street completely naked as people throw garbage at you n then having to muster the courage to hold your head up high bc you know that if there is a God, he sees the good you do. But at the same time, you have such low self esteem at this point, you don't really value that anymore.
Ugh... I'm having a day. Thinking of all the opportunities, people, lifestyle that I sacrificed for the n underfunctioning people in my life. Is it worth it? No. Hell no.
I am wasting my life to keep my mom alive n well, so she can sit in w chair n nap after breakfast, wake up to eat the food i cook , nap after lunch, wake up eat dinner n sleep 5 hrs later. She is capable of so much more but it's her own mental issues she refuses to address that limits her life n wastes mine. There is no greater torcher than watching someone sleep n sit .. while you're throwing your life away.
Vacation? Haven't had one since 2016. I'm trying to manage a side business n tired from that.
I have been binge eating, being avoidant to deal with my anger. I don't need a rescue plan or to get my mom or myself on antidepressants. The situation is the problem n I have no help.
Just ranting n hope someone out there can relate.

Hello, in about a month we will be in Chengdu and I have been desperately searching for 'off the beaten track' activities for months. We really enjoy Chinese culture and are looking for less touristy places to visit... We were thinking of going to Shangli Ancient Town, but I have the impression that it too is ultimately a tourist trap... Are there any 'authentic' villages, let's say not 100% reconstructed for commercial purposes, in the area? We will already be visiting many mountains... Does anyone have any recommendations?

my partner, who i love, has been working on changing. they are going to therapy, using therapy tools and making huge effort. they always admit their mistakes and apologise soon after they do something like yell o overreact. they grew up without a role model for love, and their family relationships are tumultuous- which I have seen. The family is a lot. They are also from a culture known for yelling being he normal.
Anyways, I am close with my family. My mom came to visit us after three years of marriage (international couple) and finally met my partner in person. The first few days were fine but the last day was awful. All the stuff my partner had worked on in therapy over the past few months went out the window completely. They insulted me in a catty way and told me they wanted a divorce twice in the same day, both in front of my mom. Both times they apologised after but it was INSANE that they did this in front of my mom, whose opinion means so much to me. She now told my family and doesn't feel like I am in a emotionally safe relationship. I moved to a different country to be with my partner so for them to threaten divorce is to uproot and change my whole life in a way that is so intense. International relationships are hard and we have had a difficult time as it is.
My mom and I cried on the last day, not how I wanted her to feel at the end of her trip. She supports and loves my other siblings relationships, but said mine felt like a toxic cycle of fighting and making up. I don't know what to do. My partner cried and apologised, asking for me back and said they would do more therapy and that they didn't mean it. They used to say that and I told them threatening the relationship is abusive when i have nobody in this country and that's a big reason they went to therapy in the first place. The fighting was over trivial sh*t like sharing housework and just little stuff I don't fight people over. Insulting me too. My mom knows i'm very non particulachill and knows I wouldn't ever get worked up about these things. She felt my partner talked down to me and was not pulling their weight in the relationship, which is true and I almost broke up with them before they started making those impactful changes.
Now my mom saw the way they treated me a few months ago before they started to change, and I was so upset in her visit those behaviours came out. When they said they wanted a divorce in front of my mom I almost packed my bags and left. I stayed in the end because they were telling me they are going to do more therapy or anything I need to try to change. They love me and I love them, my mom agrees to seeing their love for me and that it is a dysfunction in how they show it.
I told them I am taking time to decide if I should stay or go. I am married and in love with this person, so nuanced answers would be appreciated. They are a good person, but with bad learned tendencies from their family (which I have witnessed) and are actively trying to change.
On the flip, can I be with someone who would talk down on me and threaten our relationship in front of my family? It seems humiliating in an unforgivable way, or that's how it felt in the moment. I love them very much, but I feel at a crossroads.
Can people change patterns they work hard to change, and do not want in your opinion. And if they can, how long would I need to be patient to wait for those changes. They've been in therapy for a few months and had really made so many changes I asked for until my mom came... which is really really upsetting. We are in our early 20's and I just need advice from other married people. They have manipulative and controlling tendencies- and so does the family. I always call it out, they always apologise.
I know people say "if your partner wants to they will" and they are doing everything I asked, but how they acted especially in front of meeting my mom was nuts. They are in the process of changing. I am in the process of deciding to stay or go.
Mind you, it is a huge life decision as I applied for PR in their home country and paid a lot of money and we are married. My whole life would change drastically if I left, and they are my best friend, partner, and companion. They treat me right 80% of the time, but the other 20% is unacceptable. And they know that. I always tell them.
Drunk rant.

Verizon CS had a tough time finding info on it but after directing them where to look online they found it and tried to activate it but they wanted the sim #. They said t go down and get one from the store. I’m at Verizon store now and they’re giving me a hard time saying they don’t support it anymore. Anyone add one as a “companion device” recently?

~First~
Cats, Cops and C4
The Erumenta woman tries to fight even as he forces her into the cell, her natural fire flaring hot enough for his clothing to smoulder and him to mentally congratulate himself for his Undaunted Brand. It’s literally saved his fingers multiple times today.
Marlintine Spire is like many of the spires of Centris still reeling from the massive scan. Sure it had been legal, and both Living Goddesses upon the world had told everyone to calm down in their own way. But just because something is legal and endorsed by powerful figures does not make it a popular move.
“You burn any of your fellow prisoners while you’re in there and you’re getting a suppression collar.” He tells the obstinate criminal as he shoves her into the holding cell and slams the bars shut. The forcefields supplementing the metal bars flickers into place and the blast of flame she aimed at his face splashes against it without further effect. “Cute, keep it up and we won’t need a court hearing to upgrade you to a real prison.”
“He’s being serious. Stripper boy is playing at being a serious police officer.” Another criminal mocks and is subsequently ignored as Chenk leaves the area. He has other things to do.
“Ma’am.” He greets Chief Bowman as he slips by to head back out.
“Hold it human. I know your kind are endurance monsters, but you need to sit the hell down. You’ve been dragging in cult soldiers for six and a half hours straight. Your legal overtime ended a half hour ago.”
“Then keep a cell open for me as I keep bringing in more people. This needs to be quelled.” Chenk says and as he turns to keep going she grabs his belt and pulls him back.
“You need to rest.”
“The Spire is in the middle of a borderline insurrection. I can rest when it’s...” He begins to say before a sudden movement to his right makes his head snap around. Just before Vera the Takra-Takra crashes into him.
“Thanks for stalling him out Chief! Come on you goofy human!” Vera announces as she drags him down the hallway and into Linda’s Office. She tosses him onto the couch and then pounces onto him and pins him.
“Really?” Chenk asks.
“Yes really. You need to calm down. And I found a way to force it.” Linda states.
“But the Spire is...”
“You are one officer. Supersoldier on loan to the station or not, you’re still only one officer. The structural integrity of this spire only depends upon you when there’s a bomb threat and even then, only when it’s a chemical bomb.” Linda tells him. “Or do we have to restrict you to only being called out during a bomb threat?”
“No.” He says. “But people are still getting hurt and...”
“And they're the ones hurting themselves. Just please calm down. I know you’re skilled, but your sense of justice is just going to hurt you at this rate. Don’t want to leave a bad example for Amy now do you?” Linda teases him and Chenk groans in frustration.
“... I really should have thought things through before growing attached to that girl.”
“Oh probably, but it was adorable to see. The world crashing down on a poor little girl in over her head and then Officer Hero, Supersoldier from the blackest void of the galaxy flies in to save her.” Vera teases.
“Still, him being a supersoildier is a bit of a problem right now. Big man needs a mission, or he’s going to go nuts!” Linda notes. “Luckily! I called one of your friends on the ship. Soldier, you’re in position to requre a talking to from The Observer. However, the call is on hold, but you need to be here when it goes off.”
“That’s a dirty trick.” Chenk notes even as an Undaunted communicator is tossed at him and he catches it. It’s activated, it’s in a waiting queue and there’s no way he can go into the field now if he’s waiting for an official answer. “Very dirty.”
“Good thinking!” Vera compliments as she cuddles closer to her pinned target. Her hair spikes out in sudden shock as The Communicator then goes off to signify the call has gone through. “I jinxed it!”
“Specialist Chenk Barnabas sir!” Chenk answers the call instantly as he sits up and Vera scurries off him.
“Really? I put him on that waiting list to get him to calm down and stop working.”
“Specialist Barnabas, I’m one of numerous individuals filtering the sheer number of incoming calls to The Inevitable. You’re in the proper queue now, please state what you have been doing as a member of The Undaunted so that Observer Wu can better decide who to speak with.”
“I’m on loan to one of Marlintine Spire’s major police stations. Due to the overpopulation of Centris this means I have been acting as elite law enforcement over a population that exceeds that of many of earth’s countries.”
“I see, anything in particular that you’re doing?”
“I’m a chemical expert and accredited detective at this rate. I am the go to specialist for law enforcement when it comes to chemical explosives for a full ten percent of Centris Police Departments.”
“Any particularly interesting cases you’ve been assigned to?”
“Yes, one that is still being debated in court by none other than The Trytite Lady. It involves cloning, murder, mercenaries, numerous criminal gangs and a great deal of more nonsense such as massive prison breaks, fighting robots and Axiom effects so dangerous that even speaking about them in anything more than the most broad and general of terms on an open frequency is a punishable offence.”
“So you have seen a fair amount of what has occurred in the galaxy.”
“I’ve seen enough that I’m going to be very hard to surprise or overwhelm any longer.” Chenk says.
“Very good. I’ll just note this down. The Galaxy is absolutely insane, I’ve been fielding calls from people with like nine heads all speaking in concert and god damn lobster people and more...”
“That’s reality for you.” Chenk replies. “Always more absurd than it should be.”
“Indeed, stand by. I’m putting you into the next proper queue. It shouldn’t be more than a minute or two long.” The Assistant states and then the call shifts to simply display that he’s fourth in the queue now.
“Hunh. Faster and somehow slower than expected at the same time.” Chenk says even as Vera leans against him.
“Even when you take a break you’re still working.”
“You didn’t complain about me being an endurance monster when I planted this in you.” He says gently patting her growing stomach and she pushes him a bit in protest.
“Problem with getting the super-babies of doom is the wait for the baby.” Vera complains and he chuckles before the communicator activates again. He puts it in broadcast mode as Linda leaves her desk to sit next to him for support.
“Observer Wu I take it?” Chenk asks the Asian man who nods.
“And you are Officer and Operative Barnabas. The little summary in front of your call has my attention. Tell me, how are laws generally handled in the Centris space.”
“Centris is a massively overpopulated planet consisting of Spires and Plates. The Spires are the massive multi tiered towers that have two hundred levels each and each level holds enough people to populate any major city on Earth with ease. The lower the level on the spire the less funding, infrastructure and support it has with the bottom ten generally considered a universal slum or no man’s land. Law enforcement in those areas is nigh on impossible and the air itself has been described as thick and fetid. No natural light reaches those areas either.”
“And higher up?”
“Increasing amounts of wealth and support. To such a degree that the plates, which form an artificial ring around Centris are of such high quality that their most squalid and desperate places are at roughly the same standard of living as the middle fifty floors of a well off Spire. As you can imagine, policing all this is an outright herculean effort and every station, no matter how well funded, armed or endorsed is simply inadequate for the task.”
“What sort of crimes have you witnessed?”
“I’ve stopped terrorist conspiracies, torn down drug labs, found myself between assassins and their targets, I’ve stood in the middle of gang wars commanding people to stand down, I have tackled muggers, murderers and maniacs alike into walls and cuffed them. Not even twenty minutes ago I dragged a criminal who could light fires with her will alone into a cell, my jacket is still singed from it.”
“So the world is rife with criminality.”
“No more than any other place, there’s just so many people crammed in here that it’s constant, and that’s without the recent provocation that every single criminal organization received more or less simultaneously. Generally for every single idiot that needs a police officer to remind them why good behaviour is a good idea, there’s an entire bus full of people that didn’t even consider breaking the law.” Chenk explains.
“But when they truly commit crimes they don’t stop do they?”
“No, more resources, technology and Axiom means that if someone wants to break the rules they can break the very concept of rules. The last major case I was in before this flashfire of criminality was kicked off involved the sanctity of body and mind being shattered for the sake of mere greed by a figure so underworld infamous that for a chance to get either evidence on the person in question or ingratiate themselves to them we had an all out war break out in the station. One that if not for a quick trick, we would have lost.”
“And the trick was?”
“Switching out the prize for a disguised tracking beacon.” Chenk says and Observer Wu nods appreciatively. “I can’t credit on that though, it was The Private Stream that did that.”
“I haven’t had that fully explained to me. What is THE Private Stream?”
“I’m not the best person to explain it, but a quick summary is that it’s a shared persona for low profile work. Operative Jameson is the founder and original Private Stream, a persona that lets him go around while heavily armed and armoured while arousing no suspicion.”
Vera snorts in amusement. “Arousing... lot of girls find the aw shucks innocent routine to be arousing.”
Chenk slowly urns to her. “What?”
“You know what.”
“Maybe I don’t!”
“Maybe you do.”
“Could we focus please?” Observer Wu asks. “Now, as an Officer, are there any laws that you would find concerning about humans?”
“Yes, they’re usually location dependant thankfully. So the issue can be avoided. Furthermore there’s a lot of leeway given in laws where the traits of a species would make following the law difficult if not impossible. For example a human can generally get away carrying substances that are considered highly toxic or dangerous due to the fact that our diets contain what many people in the galaxy are nothing more than hard core poisons.”
“Hmm... Could you be more specific?”
“Well, this one won’t apply to you due to an amendment that Admiral Cistern was able to get allies to help him push through, but one of the most popular religions the galaxy over is the Gravid Faith, it has numerous denominations and variants and several of them create what’s called Arrangement Systems where men are required by law to have a hundred wives.”
“And the amendment is?”
“That if you are gainfully employed by governmental or military forces that you are exempt from the law so long as you remained employed in such a manner. You Observer Wu are the eyes of hundreds of Earth Nations meaning a government employee.” Chenk explains and he nods.
“I see. Any other exemptions?”
“Generally the Galaxy looks down on kinetic weaponry, so when it was pushed that humans wear weapons and cultural garb it was allowed through without issue. So humans are legally allowed to carry weapons like knives and pistols at almost all time without question. It’s... rather stupid in my opinion, but well it would be even more foolish for me to complain about something I’m outright benefiting from.”
“Hmm... any other laws?”
“They very much vary by location. Which are further influenced by the species of the residents, local culture, religion, political association, economic status. The name of the game is jurisdiction issues here on Centris. The local police departments all help one another, but always at the invite of the local officers who can actually confirm if what’s taking place is a crime or not in the local area.”
“Can you give an example of this working against things?”
“Alright, the easiest example is with drugs. There is no agreed on way to combat the spread of illegal narcotics. Some make the growing of the plants that produce what you want illegal. Others make the refinement of it’s fruit illegal and some make the selling of the drug illegal. So you can produce it all on the third Spire and sell it on the first two legally. You can grow the plant on the second and third spire legally, refine it on the first and third legally and that way you have a massive multi-jurisdiction drug running operation without technically breaking any law.”
“Hmm... that is a great deal to consider. I presume other such crimes can operate the same way?”
“Unfortunately yes. But that’s the problem with laws, you need to set where the boundaries are, but not make people prisoners in their own homes. There’s always a loophole.”
“Tragically yes.” Observer Wu remarks. “Now, I do need to speak to the others, but I have a few moments more. Who and what are you sitting near. The vaguely catlike woman on your right and the... generally human looking woman on your left are?”
“Linda is to my left. Partner and wife, the first actual police officer of us three. Vera is to my right. Wandering Warrior and wife. Linda is a Tret woman, they’re best considered to be humans if we evolved with Axiom helping us, a sister species to our own people. Vera is a Takra-Takra, she and her kind can shapeshift into the ferocious Warform and use it in battle. They pride their skill as Warriors and seek out stronger mates to empower the next generation.” Chenk explains before tiltiing the view down a little to show the pregnant stomach on Vera. “A work in progress.”
“I see. Congratulations. Although compared to many other Undaunted you seem a little behind.”
“I wasn’t aware it was a race.”
“Which is exactly how you lose the race!” Vera says in an amused tone.
“Indeed. Every conversation leads me to believe that I need to take an entire university degree in order to understand things. Thankfully your own is rather straight forward.”
“Really? Who are you speaking with next?”
“I haven't decided yet, but I need to speak with everyone in some way.” Observer Wu states.
“Good luck sir, I think you’ll need it.” Chenk says.
“Excuse me, is there a way to get a human to calm down and take a break? Ever since Centris was Scanned and hidden societies were exposed all over Chenk has refused to stop working. Is there any way to just get him to take a break?” Linda asks.
“It generally varies from person to person. But I would suggest guilting him. Emotional blackmail is a powerful tool.” Observer Wu says with a slight smirk.
“Traitor!” Chenk declares and there’s a chuckle from The Observer.
“Indeed. I’m afraid this call needs to finish now. Best of luck.” Observer Wu says before the call ends.
“So... we need to guilt you then? Okay!” Vera exclaims before her eyes start to water. “Don’t you wanna be there for the baby? Doesn’t she deserve a daddy?”
“Oh my god woman!”
~First~ Last

TL;DR: My friend insisted she was too sick to see me during the 4 days we went specifically to visit her, but it sounded like an excuse.
I've been friends with L for decades. We've been what I had considered best friends. Our friendship has had some ups and downs, but nothing too major. When I got married several years ago, I moved to a different country. But I still visit my family and my friends once a year and we keep in touch via text and video calls (about 4 a year). The visits and video calls all have to be organized by me, btw.
I am a forgiving person, so when she did not come to my wedding and, more importantly, did not even try, I forgave her because I understood it would've been a major expense to travel and pay for the travel documents for it. When some years later I offered to pay for her and her new husband's tickets to come visit me if they got the travel documents, she never said no but never said yes. But she never tried to get the documents. I still cut her some slack.
Recently L moved to a different, neighboring, country and she's now 4 and a half hrs away by car. I visited her last year in her new hometown, then a second time we met up with her halfway (on her side of the border), and this visit was going to be my third time seeing her in this new country.
The first time I visited I went for just a couple of days and it was just me. Her mother-in-law was visiting as well at the time, so her husband was busy with work and entertaining his mom. My friend and I had a great time going everywhere just the two of us. The second visit when we met halfway, was very quick, just a few hours because she and her husband had to catch a ferry back. I know she'll never come to visit me because it would require her to get the travel documents she has never once tried to get (even though she now has a permanent residency card for the new country, which would make it easier to get documents to visit me).
This time I drove up with my husband to visit her. We took time off from work to make sure we had plenty of time to sightsee and visit, and we paid for 3 nights at a hotel. My friend and I planned a lot of activities together. We had started planning a couple of months before the trip. I was thrilled and incredibly excited. It had been YEARS since I spent my birthday with friends. It really meant a lot to me. We were to drive up on day 1, see her on her own while her husband was working on day 2, go out all of us together on day 3, and have more fun together before we headed back in the afternoon of day 4.
Day 1 as we were driving slowly making our way to where she lives, she told me she and her husband were feeling a little sick, but that they were taking some Tylenol to make sure they were better by day 2 (when the bulk of the activities we planned together that did not include her husband was going to happen). I told her to rest well and feel better.
By day 2 she said she was still feeling sick, with a temperature of 37.2ºC/99ºF (which is still considered within normal range FYI) and sniffles, cough, and watery eyes, and she didn't think she could join us. I was very, very disappointed, but I thought it might be better if she rested. We switched around the plans for day 3 so we could at least have lunch together.
Day 3 she was feeling better but didn't feel 100% and preferred if we saw each other for lunch on day 4, the day we were going to go back. I told her lunch had to be at 1 pm so we could get going around 2 pm. I asked if there was any way to see each other before lunch as well since I had come all the way to see her after all. A lot of back and forth ensued where we planned to meet at 10:30 am because her husband had an online event earlier, but we could watch them have breakfast (I declined to have breakfast at that time given that we were eating lunch at 1pm), then chit chat and have lunch at 1 pm.
Day 4 she sent a message that she had a "fever" of 37ºC/98.6ºF and wasn't feeling well (again that is an even more perfectly normal body temperature). And she had the flu and didn't want to get us sick. She also said that the weather was rainy and bad and didn't want to get worse by going out in that weather (the day was sunny and clear). She sounded proud that she was telling me early enough that we could still get some sightseeing done. I was devastated to say the least. I took a while to reply thinking of all the things I could say, but I finally decided that if she just didn't want to see me I was not going to beg or point out the inconsistencies. I replied with the equivalent of an "Ok I guess". When she saw that, she sent a message about how she was going back to bed and how she "might" feel better if we wanted to stop by on our way out of town around 1 pm so we could say hi across the lobby while wearing masks. At that point, my husband and I had decided to just go home early because I was devastated and doubted she would see us. A couple of hours later, she tried calling, and sent tons of texts, again explaining that she had been sick with a fever and that the doctor had at some point (she did not see a doctor at this time) told her that she's contagious if she's coughing. And no, she was not going to be able to see us for the couple of minutes she had hinted at. I proceeded to ignore her messages as I was very upset and we were already driving back anyway.
The next day (my actual birthday), she sent a text in our group chat about how she was so sad she had been sick after all that planning, but happy birthday.
I don't know what to think. Was she avoiding me? Was she truly sick? If so, why tell me the not-really-fever temperatures? Is it bad depression? Was she having trouble with her husband and this was a way to cover for it? I kept telling her we could do anything she wanted, we didn't have to sightsee or go anywhere. She never suggested meeting at an open area to chat and not worry about being contagious until the very end. I am so hurt and upset, but part of me is wondering if this is one big cry for help. If it is, how can I help her? Do I tell her to go to therapy? That is a big taboo in our culture, so I don't even know how to suggest it. What if she really thought she was sick? Will hinting that maybe she had something else going on insult her? How do I move past this? She broke my heart a little.
We've grown apart geographically and in our beliefs/interests as we got older and we both changed and got married, but neither of us has that many friends so we remained best friends by default. Do I just give up on the decades of friendship because she couldn't be bothered to see me during the trip?

News (Overview)

• AP: Tuesday’s primaries include presidential races and the prosecutor in Trump’s Georgia election case
  
• 538 via ABC: 6 elections to watch in Georgia, Oregon and Idaho
  

California

Today some Californians will complete their voting in the special general election for CA's US House District 20. Per the New York Times: "Nine candidates are vying to fill the seat left vacant by former House Speaker Kevin McCarthy for the duration of his term, which ends in early 2025. Two weeks ago, a primary election was held to fill the seat for a full two-year term starting next year. In that race, two Republicans who are running again today, Vince Fong, a state Assemblyman, and Mike Boudreaux, the Tulare County sheriff, advanced to the November general election."
News and Analysis

• AP: AP Decision Notes: What to expect in the California 20th District special election

Results and Resources

• California Secretary of State: Special General Election, May 21, 2024
  
• The New York Times (soft paywall): California 20th Congressional District Special Election Results
  

Florida

Per Ballotpedia, Florida's sole election today is the "Special general election for Orlando City Council Commissioner District 5"
Resources

• ClickOrlando: Special election underway for Orlando City Council District 5. What you need to know

News and Analysis

• Florida Politics: Seven face off in Special Election for Orlando City Council

Results

• Orange County, Florida Supervisor of Elections: Election Results and Turnout

Georgia

Per the Georgia Recorder: "Georgians will have one last opportunity Tuesday to head to the polls to vote in state and congressional primaries and a host of nonpartisan races on ballots all across the state."
Resources

• Atlanta News First: Answers to every question you have about voting in Georgia

News and Analysis

• Georgia Recorder: Georgia polls open Tuesday with key state, local and federal races on the ballot
  
• Georgia Recorder: Georgians go to the polls to pick legislative nominees but few competitive races await in the fall
  
• WABE: Guns, gambling, abortion and more: Here are the ballot questions for the 2024 primary elections in metro Atlanta
  
• US News: State Supreme Court and Republican Congressional Primary Elections Top Georgia Ballots
  

Live Updates

• Georgia Public Broadcasting: Georgia's 2024 Primary Election: live results and updates from GPB News
  
• 11Alive: 2024 Georgia primary election Live updates
  

Results

• Georgia Secretary of State: Georgia Election Results

Idaho

Idahoans finish voting today in statewide primaries as well as a local recall election in Kamiah
Resources

• Idaho Capital Sun: Today is Idaho’s 2024 primary election. Here’s what you need to know to vote.
  
• Idaho Statesman: 2024 Idaho Voter Guide
  

News and Analysis

• KTVB: Extreme hate in Idaho: Part I of III
  
• Idaho Statesman: ‘What’s in it for them?’ This outside lobbying group is top spender in Idaho GOP primary
  
• The Washington Post (soft paywall): In a place with a history of hate, an unlikely fight against GOP extremism North Idaho has beaten the far right before. Now renegade Republicans are seeking to root it out of their own party, with a crucial test in Tuesday’s primary.
  

Results

• Idaho Secretary of State: Idaho Election Results

Kentucky

Resources

• USA Today: Here's what to know about Kentucky's primary election on Tuesday

News and Analysis

• AP: AP Decision Notes: What to expect in Kentucky’s primaries
  
• AP: Kentucky congressman expects no voter fallout for his role in attempt to oust House speaker
  

Live Updates

• Lexington Herald Leader: Live election updates
  
• WVXU: Live results from Kentucky's 2024 primaries
  

Results

• ABC: Kentucky 2024 primary results
  
• Kentucky State Board of Elections: Kentucky Election Results
  

New York

Resources

• Ballotpedia: Lackawanna City School District, New York, elections (2024))

Results

• Lackawanna City School District: 2024-2025 Budget and Election Information

Oregon

Resources

• Oregon Capital Chronicle: Oregon’s 2024 primary election: Where to vote, find results and more

News and Analysis

• Oregon Capital Chronicle: U.S. Supreme Court won’t hear Oregon lawsuit that sought to end mail voting
  
• Oregon Public Broadcasting: Turnout for Oregon’s primary election still lags behind historic levels
  
• USA Today: Tired of your state politics? These residents are looking to secession as the solution. An Oregon ballot initiative is the latest in a long line of secession efforts that speak to the nation's sharp divide.
  

Live Updates

• Oregon Live: Oregon primary election 2024 live results

Results

• ABC: Oregon 2024 primary results
  
• KGOU: Here are Oregon's 2024 primary election results
  

Announcements
1) We are actively looking for new moderators. If you have any interest in helping to make this subreddit a place for quality discussion, please fill out this form.
2) Those looking for the earlier discussion thread from today on Secretary of State Blinken's testimony before the US Senate's Foreign Relations Committee can find that at this link.

Do you have to go to the board and BLC first like active duty?

I want to know where I can find in the Bible, besides Luke 17 and Matthew 18, passages that talk about parents who abuse their children? However, I want to know specifically about a parent or family member who does not actively abuse their child, but they witness and know their spouse or a sibling is abusing their child but they do nothing to protect them or stop the abuser. It could be out of fear or it could be they are in denial, but there are so many stories of childhood molestation where the mother knew what was going on but did nothing to stop the man because she wanted her "dream family" or wealth or just didn't want to believe it.
Are they held accountable? I mean, I know they are because it's neglect, but how are they punished? Are they punished as if they had committed the sin themselves? Because personally I think it's just as bad as actually doing it.

What kind of things are going on this weekend in the 716? My boyfriend and I are going to be back in Buffalo a Thursday-Sunday and with it being Memorial Day weekend, we’d love activities to do! Bonus points for things I can do for my birthday! (I am 24, he is 27 and we love nerdy stuff like Magic the Gathering but want to take a break from that for the weekend)

This is something I've literally never told no one in entire life, because I've always felt embarrassed and confused on why it feels like I'm the only one who goes through this.
When I was little, according to my parents I had a really active imagination which varied in me speaking to an imaginary person in the store, in my school, or even an imaginary older brother that I built to be the ideal older brother.
Now I'm 23, so I'd expect to not be like that anymore yet it's gotten so much worse. I've envisioned a total of 4 people who I named, gave a personality to, and often talk to them in my head as I zone out. Sometimes my mouth moves whenever they're "responding" to me to the point where I often forget what's reality and what's not. Exhibit A. (Let's say I named one Joseph) When I was intoxicated on my 21st birthday, I just asked my friend if he's seen or talked to Joseph because I had completely forgotten that Joseph isn't a real person. It's to the point where I feel so content and safe with these characters being my friends that it's ridiculously hard to start a relationship or make friendships, because of the fake ones I've made in my head. To the point where they feel too real. Occasionally I would pretend I'm someone else for an entire day, but if someone would talk to me, I'd snap out of it and respond as I normally would.
Thats why I am not sure if this is considered a mental illness or an active imagination, but either way I'd like for it to stop, but I also don't. I'm afraid to lose these people in my head because now they feel too real to me. It's like I'd have to grieve them, but obviously this isn't a healthy mindset to live. I spend days at home just hanging out with them and imagining different scenarios with them, but I've lost real friends over this, because they didn't fit in with my nonreal ones. I have never opened up to this before so please don't go the route in making me feel crazy, because trust me, I do. Please help me.

I'd originally posted in another thread, and some of the commentors ( u/one85fortunes and u/Jeciew) had asked for elaboration as to the incidents that happened in my house.
I'll try to fill in as much as possible. This will probably be ridiculously long, so strap in.
My SO and I moved into this house a little under 2 years ago. It's an average looking rancher, built in 1990. We're the second owners of the house. The original owner was an older man, who'd cared for his wife after she had a stroke. She ultimately passed away (not in the house, but in hospice) and being in his late 70's he'd decided to move to Florida. We met him briefly during one of the inspections, and he wasn't creepy or anything. Nothing in the house seemed off. No signs of satanic rituals, etc. All jokes aside, I add these details because I assume some of these questions will come up.
There was a hurricane the night we moved in. Rushing back and forth from the AirBnB to get situated with our two cats that first night was stressful to say the least. We basically throw down an air mattress, got out the litterbox, cat food, and other basics and then passed the hell out.
When I woke up the next morning my cat Oscar was dead. As he was only 7, and not knowing if a danger existed that would harm his brother Max or us, I rushed and had an autopsy done. The vet said he basically threw a clot, probably because of the stress of the move. I miss him, he was a hell of cool cat. I think he's still around - his spirit or whatever, and I am almost positive he visits and plays with Max some nights. Just seeing Max start chasing (literally nothing) around, the way they used to chase each other. I'm probably crazy but I feel better believing it.
One of the first weird things that occurred was a few weeks in. I was in my office building some shelves. An idiot proof kit, with hardware in bags numbered, you open them depending on the step you're on. I was on the last step, which involved hammering in these four feet.. each one similar to a giant thumbtack. Just big enough to keep the shelf system from scratching up the floor. I hammered in the first 3, and the 4th was just gone. I stood up, searched the room. Searched the hallway (no clue how it could have moved, I was sitting immobile on the floor but who knows). It's nowhere. I check Max, he's a Maine Coon so maybe it got stuck in his hair. After an hour of tearing apart most of the house, I give up and stack some quarters where that foot would have gone. Told my SO to keep an eye out for it. We then found it 3 days later on the top shelf of my coat closet, under a ballcap. It's about this point I should mention it's just the two of us, no one else lives in the house, at least not full time. We do have a room over the garage that one of the kids calls home when she's not in college. As this was all around early October, she was away at school.
We'd start hearing things. The amount of times (to this day) we'll rush into one of each other's rooms only to find neither of us called each other, but one of us at that time had distinctly heard someone yelling for us, well it's not even scary anymore just annoying. Maybe the entity wants me to lose some weight and get my steps in *shrug*. Other times we'll hear crashing sounds. In the early days, with boxes and things scattered and being unpacked, I figured the cat just knocked something over. I'd go check and find nothing amiss.
Lights would start being on in rooms we hadn't used. Again, we chalked a lot of this up to confusion, or carelessness. It's a new house, neither of us had our routines yet, it was all a bit of a hot, sleepless mess, and I can't always swear I didn't go into that back bedroom and maybe turn the light on while on autopilot (even though I totally didn't). I'm a big fan of horror (post history proves that) and I don't spook easily. I'm also pretty pragmatic and realistic, so I'll try to find a rational reason for most things before jumping to the paranormal and metaphysical concepts.
Eating dinner one night we heard a weird noise, and we got up to investigate to find the bathtub running at full blast. Around this time we'd also find oddities like pictures on the walls being askew. Overall things started escalating. My SO and I promised to each other, on penalty of ending the relationship, that neither was pranking the other. That pact holds to this day.
At this point in the game, I'd started looking into metaphysical things that I could do to help. I'm talking amethyst and obsidian pieces in the house, saging, stuff like that. I honestly don't believe in it, but I also don't NOT believe, so what can it hurt. It didn't really do much that I could tell. Things continued to happen.
Twice in the same day, at vastly separate times and in different bathrooms, we both experienced an incredibly loud pounding in the attic over the bathroom as we were doing our business. I assume the ghost doesn't like whatever we ate that week. My bad, homie.
The locks had been changed at this point. I started looking throughout the house, wondering if someone was phrogging. I've seen a few horror movies about it. Nothing out of the ordinary. The attic has two entrances, one needs a ladder from the hallway, and the other is through an opening in the eaves, which you can get to from the FROG (Finished Room Over Garage). I stacked things in front of that eaves door, just to make sure nothing was coming and going. I did come to the realization that the attic was FULL of stuff from the previous owner. Luggage, clothes, random stuff. I still haven't cleaned it out, so maybe something up there is tied to an entity. No clue.
I've never felt anything malicious from the entity/spirit/energy/demon/whatever. My other half is terrified of it. Came home from the store one day to find the last rites crucifix in the bedroom turned sideways and half opened. Also felt every hair on my body stand up when I went in the room. The hair-on-end happens often when activity is spiked, I can't tell if it's energy literally raising my hair, or just me being creeped out.
I went to check the aforementioned stacked items in the FROG one night to find that all the LED strips the girl had put up were blazing red. She hadn't been home in weeks and never uses that color. I was up there just a few days prior and all the lights were off.
Halloween was fun. Giving out candy, talking with the cul-de-sac neighbors. One cute kid, maybe 4 years old turns to look to his right (my garage) and says you have a goblin in your garage. We didn't have any decorations on that side of the house. I'm sure just random kids being weird kids, right?
I have a habit of being flippant, and I started talking to the entity. SO also tried it once. At this point we'd started hearing breathing in the dark sometimes. One night she's in the hall, cleaning the cat litter. She felt something behind her, heard breathing. She calmly said "I'm busy right now, please leave me alone". The feelings and sensations instantly left, then all the doors in the hallway slammed shut. We both started wearing amethyst and obsidian jewelry, just in case.
I noticed movies I'd leave up on my computer (I watch stuff while I'm working) would be playing, or finished when I know I had them paused. I thought maybe if you are a ghost you're bored af, so I spoke to the ghost and setup a dozen books in the back bedroom. A mixture of my stuff and my SO's, not knowing what the thing might be into. I'm nothing if not a gracious host. The next day one of the books was turned upside down and opened, as if being put down after being read. I kept more books out but it never happened again.
For Xmas we had 6 different mini-nativity scenes throughout the house (yes, she has a problem lol). We found various pieces from the nativity scenes moved into scenes they didn't come with. We also had these little xmas gnomes that we sat on the curtain rods, we found one sitting upright in the middle of the couch one morning, a good 12 feet away from where it was before.
One night we were sitting out front having a smoke, came inside and heard music. There was a snowglobe that was playing music. It was an old heirloom, she'd forgotten it also could wind up and make music.
A box of kleenex that we keep on the living room end table was found in the garage one day.
One night, she sends me a video while I'm out - We have a first gen Alexa, that was playing Bad Habits by Ed Sheeran. She came inside from having a smoke and recorded it blasting away. I had unplugged it earlier that day when our new toaster arrived. FYI, first gens dont' have battery backups.
Another night we came back inside to find one of our butcher knives on the kitchen floor, instead of in the knife block.
One evening while getting ready for bed I noticed an earring on my night stand, it was part of a set her grandmother had left her, the other part was buried in a box under some clothes in a drawer.
One night I woke up to hearing knocking at the front door. I could see through the glass it was a decoration we had hung outside, beating against the door. I opened the door expecting to see a storm brewing but the night was completely calm, the trees weren't even swaying. No wind whatsoever.
The previous house owners smoked in the house at one point, that much we know. Weirdly, sometimes when you go into the back bathroom it'll smell like someone is actively smoking a cigarette.
There's been a crazy amount of times we've been outside and see movement, what appears to be a person in a window out of the corner of our eye. Friends and family who visit have also noticed this kind of stuff.
Things go missing, and reappear in random places far too often.
So those are most of the big things. I'll try to pre-emptively answer the common questions.

• No, we don't have cameras inside. We've considered it. Feels like a lot of work to maybe catch something moving. Having video proof of any of this isn't going to sway a non-believer either (anything can be faked on photo/video imo). That said I do have photos and videos of some of the events (the alexa, the music box, the butcher knife).
  
• The neighbors filled me in a bit about the familial history of the home. The father worked hard, his kids were drug addict shitbags who trashed the place and partied a lot. No one died in the house that I know of, nor were there any other weird activities. Could they have gotten drunk and sacrificed a cat on a ouija board? Sure, I dunno.
  
• We considered getting the church to bless the home, but she was raised very catholic and I'm more of an agnostic mutt so I haven't jumped on board the idea. Again, I don't believe but don't NOT believe when it comes to most spirituality, mysticism and religion.
  
• I did look to see if there were any paranormal investigators nearby, and it doesn't look like there are any local ones. The activity in the house is so intermittent that I can't justify offering someone to come down when there are months that go by with nothing, then a bunch of stuff for a week straight. I thought maybe it was cyclic, tied to an event, hell even the phase of the moon, but so far I've got no clue. I also really have no interest in paying someone to investigate.
  

Last thing that might be worth mentioning, my SO is 95% positive her grandmother was a witch. The bonafide, keeps their baby teeth hidden away in a box so you can't be cursed, type witch. She often dreams of her when things start acting up in the home. It was HER jewlery mentioned before, and HER last rites crucifix. I don't know if that changes things or not, I've done some reasearch but I honestly learn more from episodes of Supernatural than what I find on the internet most days lol
If you've gotten this far thanks for reading, I'd love to hear your thoughts.

my partner, who i love, has been working on changing. they are going to therapy, using therapy tools and making huge effort. they always admit their mistakes and apologise soon after they do something like yell o overreact. they grew up without a role model for love, and their family relationships are tumultuous- which I have seen. The family is a lot. They are also from a culture known for yelling being he normal.
Anyways, I am close with my family. My mom came to visit us after three years of marriage (international couple) and finally met my partner in person. The first few days were fine but the last day was awful. All the stuff my partner had worked on in therapy over the past few months went out the window completely. They insulted me in a catty way and told me they wanted a divorce twice in the same day, both in front of my mom. Both times they apologised after but it was INSANE that they did this in front of my mom, whose opinion means so much to me. She now told my family and doesn't feel like I am in a emotionally safe relationship. I moved to a different country to be with my partner so for them to threaten divorce is to uproot and change my whole life in a way that is so intense. International relationships are hard and we have had a difficult time as it is.
My mom and I cried on the last day, not how I wanted her to feel at the end of her trip. She supports and loves my other siblings relationships, but said mine felt like a toxic cycle of fighting and making up. I don't know what to do. My partner cried and apologised, asking for me back and said they would do more therapy and that they didn't mean it. They used to say that and I told them threatening the relationship is abusive when i have nobody in this country and that's a big reason they went to therapy in the first place. The fighting was over trivial sh*t like sharing housework and just little stuff I don't fight people over. Insulting me too. My mom knows i'm very non particulachill and knows I wouldn't ever get worked up about these things. She felt my partner talked down to me and was not pulling their weight in the relationship, which is true and I almost broke up with them before they started making those impactful changes.
Now my mom saw the way they treated me a few months ago before they started to change, and I was so upset in her visit those behaviours came out. When they said they wanted a divorce in front of my mom I almost packed my bags and left. I stayed in the end because they were telling me they are going to do more therapy or anything I need to try to change. They love me and I love them, my mom agrees to seeing their love for me and that it is a dysfunction in how they show it.
I told them I am taking time to decide if I should stay or go. I am married and in love with this person, so nuanced answers would be appreciated. They are a good person, but with bad learned tendencies from their family (which I have witnessed) and are actively trying to change.
On the flip, can I be with someone who would talk down on me and threaten our relationship in front of my family? It seems humiliating in an unforgivable way, or that's how it felt in the moment. I love them very much, but I feel at a crossroads.
Can people change patterns they work hard to change, and do not want in your opinion. And if they can, how long would I need to be patient to wait for those changes. They've been in therapy for a few months and had really made so many changes I asked for until my mom came... which is really really upsetting. We are in our early 20's and I just need advice from other married people. They have manipulative and controlling tendencies- and so does the family. I always call it out, they always apologise.
I know people say "if your partner wants to they will" and they are doing everything I asked, but how they acted especially in front of meeting my mom was nuts. They are in the process of changing. I am in the process of deciding to stay or go.
Mind you, it is a huge life decision as I applied for PR in their home country and paid a lot of money and we are married. My whole life would change drastically if I left, and they are my best friend, partner, and companion. They treat me right 80% of the time, but the other 20% is unacceptable. And they know that. I always tell them.
Drunk rant.

So somewhat related to Adams recent video on vacuum forming Styrene, it got me wondering about something and I'm hoping some seasoned model makers here will be able to guide me.
I'm planning a model build in the next few weeks that will involve panel work being applied to an existing model for, bulking the sides of a tank to make the armour appear thicker and reinforced. But my aim is to bulk by at least 3 to 4 mm on both sides, so the extra bulk is both exageraged and noticeable even from a display distance of 4 to 5 foot.
But, where I am unsure here is what thickness of sheet to use. Should I use 1mm,which I have stock and could start right now in theory, and then to make the thickness I'm after, carefully bond layers until I get the desired look? Or should I start thicker, 2.5 or 3mm sheet, and then create the panel effect over this? If the thicker base is the way to go then, how is thicker styrene to work with? Do I need to transition from a knife to a hobby saw to make sure o get the crisp lines I'd achieve with a knife and scoring on thinner sheets?
Apologies if the answers to this are all very basic and common sense, but this is the first time I've planned tk use styrene of this thickness, so I'm trying to limit early and easily avoided mistakes by deferring to your collective knowledge. 🙂

My boss "jim" and I don't have a natural chemistry. We constantly miscommunication. Like we both speak two different languages.
If we met one another outside of work. We would never be friends just bc our personalities are so different. My personality is too "big". I'm professional but I get very excited about new ideas and projects and I love working hard and what's worse - I'm enthusiastic about working hard.
He is very introverted. And just has the opposite demeanor.
I recognized early enough on that I should scale myself back with him and that less was more.
But no matter what I do - I'm always doing it wrong or I'm doing the wrong thing according to him. I have a lot of experience and I'm smart. And I always thought that my personality may not be for him but we worked well together bc we respected the others one intelligence and experience very.
But it finally landed with me - - I realized that he not only doesn't like me, he thinks I'm stupid.
For months, he already vehemently disagrees with anything I say. No matter what I say or how I say it. He never supports anything I saY or tell staff. And contradicts me with staff and has been wrong for it. He seems to be happiest when he knows I am doing menial work. I have to keep and projects I have secret. If he finds out that I am doing anything that involves using brain cells, he will assign it our from me to someone else.
And it's so hurtful but today was a real bad day as far as his open display of his contempt for me goes. All the following happened today:

1. This morning, he sent an updated staff assignment sheet showing who should contact staff for what area of.concern. he asked us all to review it b4 he published it on the intranet. He had at least 15'-20 items listed for each team member. My name was at the very bottom. Be had two items listed. He sent me a note and told me I should add more responsibilities of mine if I could think of any.
   
2. I received a salesforce question from staff. Salesforce isn't my area, so I pinged both him and my colleague who manages it to communicate it. Denise responds with an answer to the inquiry. And I thanked her. Then my boss wrote "that's an excellent approach, denise!" And it's not that he complimented her. It's that it took him complimenting her to make me realize in that moment that he has never said one nice thing to me about anything I do in the workplace.
   
3. Yesterday, Our sales team sent he and I a fairly standard support request with a non standard caveat. I responded and indicated that I could not immediately comply with the request without confirming that what they wanted wasn't a compliance violation. He replied all and said it was fine and to do it. I really struggled and ultimately decided - without consulting him - to email our CIO and legal and I CCed him and I relayed the request and relayed the concern I had. And without naming names I said I was being pushed to perform an action that I was not comfortable performing until I knew that action was compliant. Today, The 4 of us had to get on a call. I was told I was really smart for contacting them and that it wasn't compliant and good catch on my end. Jim didn't acknowledge any part of the conversation one way or another. He just said he would talk to sales.
   
4. Our team has our first stand up call as part of a new meeting series. It's a 3 min round Robin where we all go thru and quickly update the team on what we are doing. Ive been coaching denise on product implementation (unbeknownst to jim). I recently led a project of hers (in secret) while educating her on the why behind the scenes so she wouldnt need me for her next project. I directed her every action item. I provided guidance, support, timlines. Today she announced the close of the project. Jim was ecstatic and singing her praises. She looked so uncomfortavle. She repeatedly credited me with mentoring her. He would not acknowledge any claim of hers to give me credit. there was 6 minutes left on the call by the time it got to me (I was last). I ran thru my current tasks super quick.
   
5. Our weekly 1:1 meeting was next. He was20 minutes late. I was very eager to show him something I had spent weeks working on (bc I do care about the work. And I love working. I can hide my enthusiasm but it shows in my work. Multiple industry pros who I have worked with in the past have praised my project plans and audits and other efforts as "the gold standard." Our company was late to adopting agile methodology. I am an agile pro. He's been dragging his feet on committing to it but it's a directive from higher up. Today, I presented him with the "skeleton'" if you will of our teams roadmap. I built everything for him - just the bones, the automation. I added my own work to it aa a demo. The outline that all he would have to do is fill in. This was something that would have taken him hours of time to do if he had attempted building it himself. Which is why he kept putting it off.
   Before presenting these boards to him, colleagues from different departments had stumbled upon them and asked me if they could clone my work over to their own workspace and did I have any mgmt tips for them. I did not share this with him. I'm not a bragger but I do take great pride in my work. I low key worked on our boards outside of office hours. I was determined that this would finally win him over. Bc I've never quite understood how he treats me. My personality isn't for everyone, I know that. And I'm not perfect. I've contributed to miscommunications between us before. But I've tried really hard to be what he needs me to be in this organization in my role. And today I was going to do it. I was determined it was going to be our watershed moment. I proudly unveiled my boards. He waved them off. Made a remark that he thought it was so interesting to see what people got passionate about in the workplace. That he thinks it's funny that they usually think they're helping the organization when they are really making it all about themselves. He then throws in "and I say that in the nicest way possible." He then told me I had talked for way too long on our stand up call. He said I had to dial it way back next week. That the entire team did not have time to sit there and listen me ramble.
   

And I've been sitting here sobbing ever since. That pushed me over the age. Normally I can shake it off, I can separate, I like myself, I know I work hard, I know that I am smart. So I am pretty quick to let go of all the ways he chooses to diminish me on a fairly regular basis. But this was alot of hits to take in one day. I'm embarrassed to admit that he really took the wind out of my sails today. And I feel so stupid. I feel so fucking stupid. And I just want to quit. I don't want to work here anymore. This feels awful. And everyone loves him. He's every employees favorite guy. He is universally beloved at my company. So surely I must be the problem, right? And we ve talked about our miscommunication and I've done everything I can but I guess I just rub him the wrong way. I am always either not doing enough, doing roo much, or I'm doing the wrong thing. And I just needed someplace to vent while I cried my eyes out.
Tl; DR: boss is really mean to me, today he made me cry, I need to make a plan to quit

Last fall a male bluebird showed up in my yard to scope out the bluebird house that I put up. Eventually he brought his partner, and together they spent more and more time in my yard, eventually going inside the bluebird box consistently. Fast forward to spring, they came back! I was delighted. Again they spent lots of time scoping out the yard and scoping out the box. Eventually they began to build a nest in the box and I was elated.
Shortly after this, she laid some eggs. Shortly after that, the eggs hatched and I watched every day as they took care of their babies and fed them during the daylight hours.
The amount of time I watched these birds throughout the day would probably be considered ridiculous by most people. I learned so much about their behavior and their habits. They were wonderful parents and a great pair. Periodically I would take a look at their nestlings, who were all in excellent health, although one of them seemed to be less responsive than the others.
One day I watched all morning and there was no activity at the Nest. Nobody going in and out. This was very strange. After over an hour, I went out to check out what was going on with the nest. When I opened it up, I discovered the male was dead inside. This was absolutely heartbreaking. I put on some gloves and I removed the male, And I had my partner film as I examined the body. I didn't see evidence of a physical altercation, however that same day another male bluebird showed up. I know he was different because he looked different, and he was acting different. He was chasing away all the other birds and was scoping out the property the same way that the bluebirds were scoping it out in the fall. So I figured he killed the other male.
Strangely enough, the new male took over. He participated in feeding the babies with the female, and as sad as it was for the original bluebird to have died I was happy that at least there was a pair again.
A few days later, I see the same thing happening at the nest. Hours go by and nobody's going to the nest. I finally go out there and I open it up and I find the female is dead inside. My heart dropped. Two of the nestlings were very lethargic and not very responsive, whereas the other two were very energetic and responsive.
I did my research, and I brought them inside and took care of them as I contacted local wildlife rehabilitation centers in my area. Eventually I found somebody that would come and pick them up. I cared for the two that were healthy and they were healthy all the way up into the point that I gave them away. Unfortunately the other two died.
Here's the crazy part. I'm just dumbfounded at what happened and so I'm watching the Nest constantly all day. Suddenly the male shows up again. Shortly after that, ANOTHER female shows up. Together they start scoping out the property and the nest the same way that the original pair did last fall. Based on their behavior, it seems like they are not familiar with the nest the way they would be if they were the original bluebirds. While the male is easy to distinguish from the original, I have a harder time with a female and I'm using her behavior to distinguish versus physical appearance.
In my research it seems that this is extremely rare, and very unfortunate, for bluebirds to kill each other. I wonder if anyone has experience with a pair of bluebirds aggressively killing and taking over another pair's active nest. The weirdest part about it is that the second male bird seemed to care for the nestlings for many days before killing the female. So heartbreaking.
I have lots of theories but I'm interested to hear yours. I'm very interested if anyone else has direct experience with this type of behavior in bluebirds.
Also- The new male is doing something strange. He sits in one spot and sort of flicks one wing at a time, one after the other over and over again.