Thinck friendship bracelet patterns

Hi there, I'm just going to hop right into it.
I'm looking for advice on learning social cues in a timely manner. I wouldn't say I'm a hopeless case when it comes to learning this, but I will say that I do need a bit of uhm, polishing.
For some background, I am 25(f) I was diagnosed autistic and ADHD when I was very young. Literally enrolled into a special preschool for it... I have learned some things, I wouldn't have been able to hold down jobs at manager levels, and have successful relationships with friends and partners even if we're no longer in a relationship... I obviously have some understanding of patterns and social cues but there's definitely red flags and issues that need to be sorted.
Tell me what you can about social cues and I guess give a little guidance? Feel free to ask me anything on this subject to be able to give a better answer.
Also any tips on how to maintain friendships or relationships with people would be... Great. I have been uh... isolating myself and I'm ready to engage with people again...
I appreciate the advice and help in advance. Trying to grow and understand myself a little bit better in the various ways I can... to be better for me and those around me, thank you.

My college friend really needs help and has for about 10 years. Despite trying a lot of tactics to help her, she just isn’t interested in sobriety or therapy. The past few years she seems to be devolving into what I can only describe as alcoholic rambling, general madness, and randomly lashing out.
When she calls me, it typically goes something like this: she tells a story or talks at me, reminisces about the good old days, remembers something that upset her, yells at me, says she loves me, reminisces again, and then I try to exit.
I think it would help me to have a few terms to describe her behavior and maybe mine too… My husbands friend was a total jerk to me behind his back for years and no one believed me. Understanding what “gaslighting” is helped me frame that behavior and be able to talk about it!
So that’s why I’m posting and would so appreciate any comments.
—-—- here’s the long version:
My friend is a 37-year-old living in a rural area with her parents and grandmother with dementia since COVID. My friend is an alcoholic, workaholic, and has ADD. She also really smart, funny and social. Shes amazing at her job in sales/recruiting and really defines herself by it. Her parents are both alcoholics, kinda conspiracy theorists, and often mean to each other (yelling in the background, belittling, hiding things from eachother, etc). She feels obligated to help with her grandma and is kinda resigned to change nothing. Clearly the environment is bad and rubbing off on her.
For example, last week she called me frantic and crying because her dog killed a bird. She talked for about 30-45 minutes, jumping between the current bird and other bird stories, of which there are many. I barely uttered a mmhmm the whole time. Eventually, she asked what’s up with me. I mentioned that I’ve been depressed and struggling to find a job, which is putting stress on my marriage so overall I’m feeling really low. Since she’s in recruiting and knows my work history, I asked if she knew of any job openings. She then launched into a story about how competitive she is with her coworkers and how it’s all a game to get the biggest commissions on placements but those are for engineers. So I take that as a no and by the end of her monologue she was back on the topic of birds. I tried to exit the conversation, and she said to call her the next afternoon if I wanted to talk about job hunting and she may have ideas.
The next day, I called her, optimistic to see the side of her that shines and hoping for some jobs she can refer me to. Instead she pulled up my LinkedIn profile and started telling me what I should change. Which wasn’t want I wanted but sure if that’s her approach she’s the expert. Then she became critical, loudly laughing at my picture, saying my hair was covering part of my face and I looked like a villan, untrustworthy. She’d never hire me based on that photo. She was kinda manic laughing as I was kinda tearing up (I’m aging and avoid photos so I thought the one take by my hairdresser was a high quality headshot and my hair looked cute). Okay sure I’ll change it. The critique wore on roast style with the justification of this is just tough love, the way we talk to each other is unfiltered and she just always around guys.
She brought up networking and remembered introducing me to a coworker, Sally. I said I didn’t remember what ever happened with Sally because it was two years ago. To which she got very heated, accusing me of dropping the ball and never following up. She started screaming, how she put her neck out for me and I couldn’t be bothered. I tried to talk her down and eventually hung up. I later checked the old email thread and saw that I had followed up with Sally, but she was going on vacation, so it didn’t go anywhere. My friend kept calling and texting, so I eventually picked up. I told her I didn’t mess up, and I didn’t want to be spoken to like that. So she apologized for yelling. Then she went back to criticizing my LinkedIn, pointing out a spelling error and calling me stupid. I told her I wasn’t in a great place and that her feedback style was hurtful.
She then veered off into a story about how she loves me and has saved the letters I wrote her. I cut her off, saying that while I appreciate it, those notes aren’t relevant to this conversation and let’s focus on job talk. She got upset, saying I don’t value our friendship and was using her just for a job so fuck you blablabla…
After a few more hours of texts and calls, I let her know I’m going to prioritize my own feelings and block her number but I’ll check in with her in 3months. I’ve tried to support her but also keep my distance but I need to be firmer in enforcing that. I’d say forever but that feels like canceling her when I know she needs help. ——- Rewriting this, feels as long and draining as that conversation was so I’ll stop there.
All of this to say, what kind of pattern is that? Is it something she’s doing because her parents do it to her? Am I crazy to keep picking up her calls? I feel like if I had a name or terminology to unpack all these conversations it would be easier to process them.

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Data-Miner Gego stared at the results of the analysis, still in disbelief that this wild theory had borne fruit and stood up to scrutiny again and again. But now, here before him in data as clear as even the youngest apprentice could see, was evidence, clear and unshakable:
Humans were not what they promised themselves to be.
Feeling slightly nauseous with anxiety, he keyed in a request to meet with the diplomat’s office as soon as possible.
As the diplomat looked over his latest treaty proposal, there was a faint sound of horns in harmonious blaring, signifying someone had requested permission to enter. Glad for any distraction from the monotonous paperwork, he activated the intercom, saying “You are recognized and accepted. Please enter.”
As the crouched and scrabbling shape stepped into the doorway, diplomat Hale-he mused again how interesting it would be if the if their ancestors could have heard such a magnificent call for a mere diplomat. Previously, such a grand instrumentation would have been reserved for a high chieftain or king, and yet here was Hale-he, a diplomat to be sure, but certainly no ruler of any stripe, heralded by a song that would bring envy even to high lords and minor rulers in ages past.
The individual sat before him, and Hale-he could tell by their coloration and the shape of their antenna they were a scientist or engineer, someone likely far more familiar with numbers than he was. Hale-he, while now taking on the rich purple hues of a diplomat, had the underlying color of brilliant crimson, a mark of his near-decade of study as a historical scholar and graduate before his appointment into diplomacy.
“What do you have for me? Gego, I believe?”
The other individual nodded, crossing his pinchers in a sign of deference and respect. “I am sorry to disturb your appointment, but I have important information regarding humans.”
“Ah yes, humans,” said Hale-he, feeling a degree of relaxation and comfort at the mention of the gregarious and affable people.
Humans had taken quite some time in venturing out to the stars, but their planet was located such that a number of major trade routes passed quite near to their system. Several species had reported contact with them before humans had in turn reached out and started to make contact of their own. But from all reports, they were kind, clever, and selfless to a fault, with no recent instances of conflict despite a very violent early history. They were renowned for having an impeccable record of interspecies relations.
“I'm actually in the process of framing a new trade treaty with some of their inner-system human colonies. I believe the primary planet in question is called Mars, but they also have gas refineries and extractors above their gas giants, and several mining operations set up on a number of moons and their asteroid belt.”
“Yes, I have seen the newscast about how much this treaty is expected to aid both species,” said Gego. There was an odd note of apprehension Hale-he could detect in their chittering voice. “There is some invaluable context that I believe needs to be put to light.”
“Context? What do you mean, ‘context?’”
“Well, you are aware that we, the Civicor, first met humanity when a trade ship fell off course and crashed upon Earth?”
“It is a well-known accident. Some manner of navigational mishap; Thankfully, our propulsion systems are far more accurate today.”
“This is true, but are you also aware the Bayons have a remarkably-similar story related to their first contact with humanity as well? A military scout vessel, intending to regroup with the bulk of their fleet and engaging the Dendite menace, and they were likewise drawn off course, spiraling to crash onto Earth as well.”
“I remember the stories that time hypothesized that it was Dendite sabotage, even though it was unlikely for such a minor and inconsequential vessel,” said Hale-he. “Other than that, I’m unfortunately not familiar with their own reports on it.”
“But our two species are but a few from over a dozen first-contact reports with humanity. All stemming from engine failures, navigation failures, and crashes or forced landings of ships that lost control and arrived on Earth.”
“Well,” said the diplomat, starting to see the shape of the data-miner’s point, “Warpspace travel.has always been an inexact science at times, and was even less accurate decades ago. It's possible you are reading too much into a handful of coincidences.”
The data-miner rubbed their eyestalks, feeling exhaustion creeping in for how much frantic effort they had put in over the past three-day cycle. “Yes, but to borrow an idiom for the humans, ‘Once is happenstance, twice is coincidence, but three times is a pattern,’ let alone a solid dozen instances within barely a fifty-year timespan. Even the most heavily-trafficked routes past the most dense or erratic planetoids have only achieved a third of that number.”
“You're asking me to disrupt peaceful and productive diplomatic ties with humans by suggesting they were responsible for these instances. Are you truly suggesting that this was intentional from humanity's part?”
“I am.”
“That may be, but we will require more proof than mere happenstance, unlikely though it may be.”
“I have additional data as well.” Gego was the most proud of this next part, and he carefully pulled up the diagrams and charting maps. A vibrant animation appeared onscreen of what appeared to be a rainbow-colored and spiked disc, surging and shaking on the screen. “This is the analysis of the gravitational field irregularities within a quarter of a solar year of Earth's primary star.”
The diplomat looked nonplussed at the diagram. “I would assume the fluctuations here are not ideal?”
“No indeed. They could be likened to a reef within a shallow sea, permitting transit in the calm regions but damaging and disrupting ships passing through a rough space. I have reached out to several of the shipping guilds for more details, but initial reports back support this theory, with several commenting that the route passing near to Earth is highly undesirable amongst experienced pilots due to the rough effects it has on engine stability and wear and tear.”
The diplomat looked over the diagram further before attempting to wave it away dismissively. “But who’s to say that this isn't a natural phenomena of Earth’s system? There are many regions of space that are disruptive or dangerous to travel through in warpspace, so what would make Earth's patch of turbulence unique?”
“The fact that they can turn it on and off at will.”
The diplomat coughed violently as the surprise dislodged the piece of fruit pulp he was eating out of his primary digestion sack and instead into the top of his gas exchange organ. “What in the three spheres do you mean they can turn it off?”
Gego grimaced this time as he keyed in some commands to the report. This time the disc figure that was pulled was much grainier and blocky, fine measurements now showing as wide swaths. “This was reverse-calculated from a series of gravimetric scans done across that entire arm of the galaxy.”
Even with the poor resolution, the diplomat could still see that this was a wildly chaotic and dangerous gravitational field. “It looks the same.”
The data-miner nodded. “Yes, but watch here: It's hard to tell, but this readout is actually playing in reverse, stepping backwards through time. We're about to hit 76 years ago.”
“What's so important about 76-” The diplomat cut off, words caught like fruit pulp in his throat as the image abruptly stilled. The disc depicting the gravitational field was now still and smooth as a windless pond.
“So it just started one day?”
“Indeed, Diplomat Hale-he. And furthermore, this beginning of the turbulence was a mere month before the first vessel lost controlI and was forced to make an emergency landing on Earth.”
The possibilities were rapidly narrowing, but Hale-he was still in favor of exploring whatever possible shred he could find to avoid confronting the dawning reality about humans.
“Well, while things of this nature are highly irregular, I presume, I'm still not convinced that this shows they can activate it at will.”
“I know, Gego said, “Which is why I wanted to show you that data before I show you this.”
The gravitational field display became the ragged tumultuous ocean of currents and surges, and this time in the higher detail that told Hale-he this was more recent readings. “I'm sure you saw the announcements a fortnight ago that humanity had tested their first faster than light engine they had made themselves, rather than trading for, and successfully made a jaunt out to the furthest planetoid in their star system and back without incident?”
“Yes?” the diplomat said cautiously.
“I received this data from a colleague, who was concerned there may have been an instrument malfunction to produce such data as I’m about to show you. She checked and validated it herself. It was fully accurate and reliable, which makes it all the more troubling. I don't think she realized the cause of what she was seeing, but unfortunately the timing of it adds up too perfectly.”
The data-miner continued quietly recalling “I believe at this point we're at 30 seconds to launch the human’s test flight.”
Hale-he let out an involuntary gasp of breath as the gravity field abruptly stilled again, perfectly smooth simultaneously across the entire spread of it.
Grimly, the data-miner said “Here we had the jump,” and after a short pause continued “-and the return.” A few seconds later and the field abruptly resumed its turbulence.
The diplomat was still in shock, staring at the gravimetric readout, when Gego said “That's also not the most concerning part, either. This was supposed to be humanity's first faster-than-light capability of their own they were testing here; Isn't that right?”
“Well of course,” replied Hale-he. “It was on all the new stations. A great achievement for a species that had been slow to achieve that milestone.”
“I would remind you then that the readout here is half a light-year in diameter.”
The diplomat scrunched his eyestalks in confused concentration, trying to understand what the other alien was implying, when suddenly it hit him. “Yet they were able to disrupt such a large region simultaneously, and stop it equally quickly?”
Gego nodded. “Whatever means they have at causing such a disruption is certainly faster-than-light, and immensely wide-ranging. If it was slower and confined to a small area, I might have some theories as to how it could be accomplished, but this size, this scale and the speed? I have no idea. It is beyond anything our sciences and technology can produce, or that of any other known species.”
The diplomat sat back, stunned. “By the Spheres.” He glanced up at Gego. “What do you propose we do with this information?”
The data-miner waved an arm. “Perhaps we can get to the bottom of this: Go to humanity with the information we have. Tell them we want the secrets of this technology and the power sources that feed it, as it far eclipses anything we can currently achieve. Tell them that we will expose these findings to the rest of the space-faring civilizations of the galaxy if they continue to hold back.”
The diplomat’s eyes widened, before after a long moment he said “I see. Well, I still need to get to my duties and figure out how to handle this. You are excused, and a reminder to keep the strictly confidential while I inform the appropriate other parties.”
Gego bowed in deference before leaving the office. After he left, Hale-he leaned back in his saddle chair and groaned. The idiot had uncovered humanity possessed the capability of affecting a wide chunk of space at a power and complexity unheard of among any other known species, and his first suggestion was to blackmail them? The diplomat rubbed his head trying to make the sudden headache go away.
A few thoughts were coming to mind, snippets that had been dismissed in the moment, but now he couldn't shake them as he was reminded of the first species that had ever encountered humanity, and the comments by their scientists. They had said that humans were curiously disinterested in their warpspace drivers, despite not having faster-than-light capabilities already.
Then the second species that encountered humanity had mentioned that a child of one of the diplomatic party had become separated from the group, and accidentally come in contact with and ingested some Earth flora. It wasn't something toxic or dangerous to humans, but the physiological makeup of that species reacted poorly with alkaloids in the flora and would have resulted in a swift and painful death if left untreated. But instead, the humans had administered a series of emetics and alkaloid-binding treatments, something they said was common in the case of an accidental poison ingestion, The diplomat remembered reading a footnote from the inhuman physician at the time that this particular blend of neutralizing agents was not something commonly found in human medical kits, and in fact was uniquely suited to their own species’ biology.
Both had been written off as flukes, interesting anecdotes at most, but now the diplomat began to see the greater shape of it, as a species that cared not for faster-than-light travel, for they'd doubtless already achieved it, mastered it, and discarded it as uninteresting at some point before. A species, who upon supposed first contact, had comprehensive medical and anatomical knowledge of their guests sufficient enough to save a child in mere minutes from otherwise certain death.
All this from a species that had befriended and gregariously hosted every alien ship that had come astray upon their planet, and offered nothing but support and friendship to both waylaid travelers and their subsequent diplomatic summits, despite seeming to lack the ability to travel outside of their own star system. A species that was confident, at a basal level that Hale-he was only just now beginning to truly understand.
He opened a communications missive, addressed to all the other diplomats of similar station amongst the other species humanity had made contact with.
”Greetings to my fellow ambassadors. * *I come bearing difficult news regarding humanity: * *They are not what they appear to be. * *Yet, I believe it is of the utmost importance that we continue to pretend that they are, * *For fear that otherwise, we will learn who, or what, they truly are…”
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I (34f) took my ex (28m) back after he asked me and told me life wasn’t the same or as fun without me. He is very emotionally immature in some ways (jokes too inappropriately and used to gaslight me because he is rude and wanted me to accept his “humor” that was downright abusive sometimes) but has grown significantly (has better boundaries and communicates more calmly, is more fair and apologizes/changed his “joking” behavior significantly) and wants to change-but I have overwhelming anxiety around him now due to trauma (we both traumatized each other) and history. When it seems to subside, something new comes up and I panic, or get very depressed. Currently I am fighting back sobbing at work because even texting him hurts some days.
Any time he starts to be who he was when I broke us up I lose my cool. I can’t feel safe. I feel constantly exhausted and he still is insensitive and stoic at times. I don’t know if he is actually feeling guilt for things he has done that hurt me or if he is just people pleasing again so I don’t leave him. I fear we are addicted to our patterns and no amount of couples counseling will help. We have been going to counseling for 1 month or so, and while I like our counselor, and he makes great points, I fear most of the therapy talk goes over my partner’s head and he misses the point. Now he says, “we’re working on things, I am better now” instead of asking what he needs to do to improve. He is still avoiding changing his behavior entirely. My sister said it seems emotionally “lazy”. I think he loves me a lot and me him, but sometimes it feels like we are clinging to a dead relationship.
The main issue is I keep holding on too tight and when I let go, he just is barely available. He’s amazing in person and he will send me memes, but he prioritizes work so much so it has become his whole life. He has work friends and I am soooo happy for him bc he is an introverted nerd and used to cling to me for friendship, but throughout the week he will get busy and I feel forgotten. I end up checking in “too” much or panic when I don’t hear anything. He usually won’t text me until he notices I am not bugging him. I feel it’s against my personality to not text at least daily, bc that’s how I treat everyone I love. In a nutshell it’s an anxious-avoidant trap. I really don’t think my needs are crazy…text me without prompting? Plan without me always initiating? Apologize when u hurt me even unintentionally? Plan with me instead of leaving me in the dark?
He resists thinking he is the issue because I blow up on him when I am worn thin from trying everything in the world to communicate my feelings and needs. He uses it as a pass to not change. I don’t accept my behavior as good and I really need to regulate my emotions better. But it feels as if as soon as I acknowledge that, he thinks he is off the hook.
And I also don’t give him enough credit because I am still sore af from past actions.
I fear I am too old for him now, emotionally and physically. But I see growth so I am hesitant to leave someone I once considered my best friend. 3 years later though and Idk how much longer I can hold on, when it sometimes feels like relief to let go.
So do I let go?
Please be gentle, thanks.

We want to make friendship bracelets and ship them to each other but my mom probably won't approve of sharing addresses. I live in the UK and he lives in the USA. Is there any way we can ship it to each other? Any help is appreciated.

We want to make friendship bracelets and ship them to each other but my mom probably won't approve of sharing addresses. I live in the UK and he lives in the USA. Is there any way we can ship it to each other? Any help is appreciated.

I have a lot going on in my mind, but i dont know what to say, or dont have the energy.
My anxiety and depression started to severly affect my life 10 years ago for the first time, when i was 19. I am 29 now, had a great job that I just quit with the excuse of physical health issues (spinal cord/nerve issue makinh it harder for me to sit), but i think what i am suffering with is my mind. Been diagnosed with ADHD 5 months ago. So I've been voluntarily jobless for 2 months now.
I wanted to take a break for myself and get better. I wanted to travel and learn new things. But, just a month before my last day at work, I texted my ex to check how he is doing. He has tried to contact me over the past 4 years, but since all his communication seemed accusatory, I thought i was protecting myself by avoiding him. This was my only relationship, we were together (long distance) for 4 years. He was inconsistent and dishonest from the get go. He would lie to me about going out with his female friends, would talk to them for hours and ignore me. He always called me crazy for misunderstanding friendship, but you dont hide it from your partner if there's nothing wrong in what you are doing. He was always harsh with me when i wanted to discuss that it hurts me. I used to text him in panic sometimes, because i didnt know who else to contact when i didnt understand what i was going through. I was feeling suicidal, consistent panic attacks, and a volatile relationship did not help. He was abusive on calls, and never respected me. He would force me to do things, and threaten to stop talking if I didnt do them. And whenever i tried to walk away, he would come back asking to patch up, but the same pattern continued.
As i was having a hard time keepinh myself alive due to my mental health issues, i couldnt take the disrespect anymore, and said i wanted to leave him. I think he thought i would never leave anyway, and provoked me to block him. So in a fit of panic, i blocked him. He owed me a lot of money, so that is the last rhing i asked him to return out of spite. Then he started sending texts that i am doing this to torture him, that i love him and that he didnt understand why i would do this. But i was so anxious all the time, i just couldnt deal with it anymore. The few times i did pick up the call, he would say things like "tell me your decision now or i will decide what i will do with my life" implyinh he would kill himself. I told him i can redirect him to resources that can help, but that i cant be in the relationship because i dont feel safe anymore. He was always very unstable and never ready to have a proper conversation. So everything he said seemed like emotional manipulation. But everytime i read the texts he sent, about how awful and hopeless he felt after i blocked, i feel like i monster. I cant help but feel guilty about the way i dealt with it.
I went to therapy later, also had a phase of self-care when i was lookinh forward to my future, and then fell back to hectic work. But have been feeling extremely anxious and hopeless since August last year - that is when i reached out for a diagnosis and got diagnosed with ADHD in January.
I dont know what made me want to contact him, but after an episode of panic attack in March, I just texted a 'how are you'. He responded well, and we had a normal chat about current worklife. Then 2 daya later, he called me and apologized for the way he treated me. He cried and opened up about his thought process behind everything, or what he rhought he was doing. This was the first time ever, that i felt like he opened up to me the way I craved. Then we talked for about 10 hours the two days, and he kept sending me good morning texts, and was worried about my physical health. He started giving me tips, and checking upon my exercise and schedule everyday. He called me everyday for the month, and even used to text me if he was going to be unavailable (he never did that when we were together). He asked me to meet multiple times, but i didnt agree to - until after 1.5 months have passed. By then, he had made many remarks about our relationship, reminiscing, when i didnt bring anything up. When we met, he held my hands multiple times, and even pulled me in for a hug (which i withdrew from) when he saw a note in my phone about my anxiety at night and also wondering about my love for him.
After I got home, i felt uneasy, and started the conversation to confirm where we are headed, and that i was starting to get attached to him again, so if this is just friendship, i cant do it anymore. He said he was just being a friend, and that triggered every bad memory i forgot about our relationship. Why would he be so kind, gentle and all things i craved for when we were together, call me everyday, hold my hands multiple times, and call it friendship? like i misunderstood? I sent a few frantic texts and he refuses to be honest and respond on why he behaved that way.
and maybe it's the free time without job, but i feel so depressed and powerless this time. i know its not the relationship that's making me suicidal. It's just my brain being frantic all the time, evern when there is nothing to stress about. i feel like i can go to the best beach in the world, and still feel anxious and breathless. I am seeking therapy again, but all thoughts i have are - i want to get things in order and actually kill myself. i fought the urge for 10 yeqrs, but i dont think i can anymore. i dont know what to do with my life.
and the funny thing is, i feel like i will feel better and want to live if he calls me everyday again. but i guess he doesnt care because i abandoned him years ago when he couldnt deal with the break up too, so i am the "cruel" one. he kept saying i only asked for the money back, which he still hasnt returned, but forgets about all the years i fought for him, for us. my parents are conservative, so it was even harder to hide this from them. why do i feel so powerless now, knowinh that he is actually capable of being better and somebody else is going to get that version? i know this is not rhe end of the world. but i feel like, due to my mental healrh issues, i am hyperfixating on this - hoping that getting some love will fix me. but no, it's always something wrong with me, i feel horrible for being rhis vulnerable and unstable. i kmow i can do better, i jave been there for everybody for years, but i just dont know what to do with myseld anymore. i wamt this pain to end.

Long post ahead so bear with me.
I’m 24F dating my 24M boyfriend for 4 years. Overall I’d say our relationship has been pretty good - no serious issues until now, all of our fights have been over his tendency to be moody or passive aggressive.
Some background information: I’m on the neurodivergent spectrum and suffer from depressive episodes, but I’m high functioning because I don’t want it to affect my professional life or anyone else but me. A side effect of that has been my tendency to isolate myself from everyone, which I’ve done for the majority of our relationship - sometimes I didn’t interact with anyone at all except for my family and my bf. I haven’t gone a single day in the last 6 years without any contact with him.
I realized that this wasn’t healthy so this year I decided to try and come out of my shell and build more friendships. It’s a bit hard but I’ve been working on it slowly, and one of my newfound friends was one of my bf’s friends, J (23M), as well - they had been friends for about a year at this point. We hit it off pretty well and as someone who’s really bad at friendships I enjoyed talking to J, but it was strictly platonic - nothing out of the ordinary, exactly like every friendship I have/have ever had. Please keep in mind I did not prioritize interactions I had with J or anyone else over ones I had with my bf.
While my bf initially really liked J, around the time we started becoming friends he started to sour on J until he eventually just started icing him because he didn’t like anything about him all of a sudden, and the only reason he could come up with was “J was annoying.” He also told me he found it “weird” that he chose to be friends with his friend’s gf (confused about that one because I met some of my closest friends through him/his circles). I reassure him that there’s nothing weird going on and my friendship with J is, once again, platonic. In all honesty, I also didn’t really think much of it because I didn’t find J to be annoying and my bf has had a pattern of disliking some of my friends for no apparent reason, even if he’d never talked to them. (My friends are all just goofy nerds so I never really got why.)
3 weeks ago my bf tells me he thinks J is trying to sleep with me but he has no evidence or thoughts to support this. I’m obviously shocked and once again reassure him that I’ve never picked up sleazy vibes from J and he’s never been inappropriate with me. I’ve had really creepy encounters before so I’m always hyperalert about these kinds of things and if I do get those vibes I shut them down immediately.
Onto the main clown show: last week my bf texts me angry that I’ve been lying to him and that I’ve been repeatedly gaslighting him into thinking my friendship with J was normal, but after a conversation with one of his other friends he’s convinced that he’s right and it’s inappropriate for J to be friends with me. Then he goes ahead and texts J to stop texting me and accuses him, amongst other things, of being a creep. To the surprise of absolutely no one, turns out this scenario that my bf created of J secretly trying to steal me away from him was completely false and J is both hurt and pissed about it. He tells him that he’s only ever thought of him as a good friend and he never had ill intentions towards me but he cannot in good conscience be ok with this and subsequently cuts both of us off.
For obvious reasons, I’m extremely pissed about this and we have a blowout fight over it, because turns out I don’t like anyone messing with my friendships like that and falsely accusing someone who’s done nothing wrong to you of being a creep is a shitty thing to do. He genuinely didn’t see anything wrong about what he did and “he did what he had to because he was desperate to get J out of my life and I left him no other choice.” He also told me that if he woke up to find out I did something to cause his friends to cut him off, he’d assume I had a good reason to do so and everything that happened with J was for the best. He screamed at me, accused me of being disrespectful and thinking of him as an insecure loser, called me a whole slew of hurtful things, that I’m disgusting and make him feel worthless and that he fucking hates me repeatedly. It overall just turned into a really ugly mess.
The next morning he was calmer and apologized for the hurtful things he said and that he didn’t mean any of it. He also admitted what he did was wrong, that he overreacted out of paranoia, and that he’s sorry he hurt J and ruined my friendship with him. He admitted that I was right, there wasn’t anything weird going on like he thought and he apologized for messing with my personal life.
The issue is I’m having a hard time processing all of this. First of all this couldn’t have happened at a worse time because I have a lot of personal issues going on that I’m incredibly stressed out about and he’s well aware of that. He’s also aware that I’ve always struggled with making friends, and now any urge I’ve had to do that is gone. I can’t get over him saying I make him feel worthless because I’ve dedicated so much and sacrificed so much to be with him and make him happy every way I could. I’ve never and still don’t prioritize anyone else over him. Having your boyfriend of nearly 5 years tell you he doesn’t trust you and despises you is also pretty fucking shitty because I’ve never done anything distrustful or been anywhere near as hurtful as he has been to me. His apologies sound hollow and lukewarm to me because at the end of the day, he got exactly what he wanted. And I’m left to suck it up and deal with it.
I don’t know what to do and I feel like I’m alone backed into a corner and I’m about to break with all the other things going on in my life. I’m sorry if this post isn’t very coherent but I’m a little tipsy right now. I just feel so violated and I’ve never felt more horrible or alone in my life than I do now and I’ve never not felt like that my entire life. I don’t know and can’t tell if I’m the one who messed up here and what I should do. Any advice, harsh or gentle is appreciated.
TLDR: bf incorrectly assumed mutual friend was trying to sleep with me and subsequently went nuclear on both me and friend. Am hurt and don’t know how or if I should resolve this.

Long story short - Several months ago I ended the only serious relationship I've (28m) ever had. We dated since high school, and we knew each other beforehand so it was like a friendship that turned into relationship situation. I didn't realize it at the time, but now looking at getting back out there I've realized it takes me a while to realize if I'm attracted to a girl enough to ask her out.
It seems like dating now is so based on physical attraction and getting to know someone after the fact. But for me it's like the physical attraction is enough to catch my eye, but is not my primary motivation and never enough for me to think about asking a girl out. It's only after I've gotten to know who she is/how she is as a person that I'm interested in asking her out.
Usually by the point I've realized I'm interested in a girl in that way, we've talked and gotten to know each other enough that we've crossed into the friends only territory and there's really no way of coming back from that. In retrospect, I realize this led to me having many problems in high school always crushing on my close friends who were girls.
I haven't really tried actively dating again yet, but I've already seen this pattern show up since becoming single again. I met a new coworker that got assigned to work on a project with me. This required talking at least an our a day. Initially our conversations were kinda slow, but after a while we just clicked and spent a lot of time getting to know each other. I just thought she was pretty cool, but after getting to know her more I realized I actually found her really attractive and thought about asking her out.
By that time, though, we'd been talking at least an hour or two per day every work day for at least 3 weeks. And when I finally started being a little flirty, she nicely gave me indications that she only saw me as a friend. Sure, I know that there may have never been an opportunity there. But it would be naive of me to think me not showing any indication in interest before 3 weeks of talking at least an hour a day didn't help land me in that friend zone kinda spot.
So I'm just wondering if I'm weird in this way and if this will cause me issues trying to date again?

This will be wordy and complicated so you may only wish to read it if you’ve found yourself as inexplicably captivated by this entire mess as I am. This is my current working theory, and I don’t claim that it’s entirely accurate or factual It’s just my theory and I am open to corrections, additions, or counter arguments. (No, I am not overly proud of how I know some of these things. I reactivated Instagram and rejoined Reddit after years of abstaining from social media just to further this little investigation/obsession. Hyperfixation is a real bitch sometimes.)
Taylor’s team would’ve been aware of her impending breakup with Joe and relationship with Matty Healy long before those things were public knowledge. With the Eras tour set to start up in March of 2023, her team would’ve been actively, aggressively plotting to address any potential negativity or fallout from the situation, especially with so much riding on this tour. Preemptive damage control would’ve been in absolute overdrive because of the timing of it all. Speaking of timing, the early months of 2023 were a big moment for Travis Kelce. The Kelce brothers were about to face off in the Super Bowl and the media was saturated with them. All the Kelces have mentioned the attention and opportunities they were receiving during that time, including Donna. Scott Swift is a huge football fan, especially of the Eagles, and he was already at least acquainted with or had a casual friendship with Andy Reid. It's very likely that Taylor "dating" Travis Kelce was Scott Swift’s idea. During my “research” on this entire situation, I’ve come across multiple remarks about Taylor’s team traveling to/having meetings in KC in March of 2023. I am guessing that Taylor was so in love with Matty that she put her foot down with her team (including Scott) and wouldn’t participate in their plans regarding Travis at that time. Instead, she likely insisted on the April 8^th announcement of the breakup with Joe and doubled down on her relationship with Matty, mouthing loving messages to him and making her speech on stage about how happy she was and how her life finally made sense, being seen with him repeatedly and allowing him to be seen carrying bags into her apartment, etc.
I don’t know if Taylor or her team anticipated exactly how bad the publicity surrounding Matty would be or how intensely negative the response would be from a very vocal portion of her fanbase. I feel like most of us know about the narratives that ramped up against Matty, the SpeakUpNow letter, Swifties threatening to sell their concert tickets, Matty and his people receiving death threats, just all the BAD MESS, so I won’t make this even longer by going too deep into it. I have no doubt Taylor and Matty were experiencing a ton of pressure and emotional whiplash during all of that, which ultimately led to a painful and traumatic breakup for them. And that brings us right back to the suspended Travis Kelce plan. Taylor had shows in KC on July 7^th and 8^th of 2023. A couple weeks after that we get the cute little story from Travis on his podcast about trying to give Taylor a friendship bracelet with his number on it at her show (I have never and will never believe that bs for a single moment, no matter what). According to them, they start hanging out shortly after that, which is likely true. Ryan Reynolds apparently started following Travis on Instagram in early August so that timing checks out. (I could go off into a whole thing about Travis Kelce and Patrick Mahomes joining Ryan in the F1 Alpine deal, but this is already just SO MUCH). Next thing you know, we get Taylor appearing at a Chiefs game on September 24^th and it’s on from there. According to some Chiefs players, Taylor had already attended a game or two unnoticed and unmentioned (supposedly in the owners’ suite) prior to that September 24^th game. That’s interesting to note because of all it implies, such as how much the Chiefs/Hunts may have had to do with this whole deal between Taylor and Travis or just how it was clearly a choice with big motivations behind it for her to be seen at that 9/24 game.
Everything then goes AS PLANNED AND ORCHESTRATED for a few months. The public is captivated by the Taylor and Travis showmance and not even thinking much about Joe Alwyn or Matty Healy or any of the negative publicity surrounding Taylor anymore, the Chiefs and the entire NFL are profiting enormously, the popularity of the New Heights podcast is skyrocketing and catching the attention of major networks, every member of the Kelce family and Travis’ inner circle sees their public profile rising and more and more opportunities coming their way, the Eras tour is a history making success and so is the movie, the Chiefs pull off another Super Bowl win…it’s just a glorious, fantastic time when the whole plan is coming together and everyone remotely involved or connected to Taylor and Travis is benefiting and profiting beyond their wildest dreams. During all of this, Taylor is obviously working on TTPD, and everything connected to it, but I guess no one on Taylor’s team is too concerned about that because it keeps her motivated and pacified and it’s only going to make them all even more money so everything is just great, great, great. BUT THEN Taylor shows up at the Grammys drunk, making an ass of herself and announces the release. Now everyone is maybe back to thinking and talking about Taylor and Joe a bit, but it’s still ok because at least they aren’t talking about Matty and the Taylor and Travis show is still getting tons of attention, Travis is getting acting opportunities, all the Kelces are still benefiting in various ways; it’s all still good.
Then TTPD is released, and everything starts to take a turn. People are still talking, but now it’s mostly about Taylor and Matty or about Taylor and Travis, but only about what a great boyfriend Travis is to Taylor and what a perfect couple they are and their hypothetical impending nuptials and future potential offspring, etc. It probably doesn’t help that it’s off-season and there are no Chiefs games where Travis can shine with his football skills to try to bring some of the spotlight back to anything other than him maybe being the future Mr. Taylor Swift. Despite what many Swifties theorize about Travis, I do not for one moment think that’s his aim in life. This man wants FAME. His own mother repeatedly states how much he loves being the center of attention. And sure, he gets a lot of attention right now, but I have a feeling this is not panning out to be what he was hoping for when he signed up for all of this. His podcast is doing great, but its enormous surge in popularity is largely due to Swifties tuning in, hoping to hear a mention of Taylor (yes, I know it was already a very popular podcast – we wouldn’t be here if Travis Kelce had been an unsuccessful nobody, obviously). Everywhere he goes, everything he does, it’s all about Taylor now. Even at KELCE Jam, he was inundated with questions about Taylor. That might not be an issue except this is a man who already had a very big ego and desire to be hyper famous before Taylor Swift entered the picture. It may have seemed like a golden opportunity initially, but I think reality may be setting in for Travis and Co. and this may not have been the best deal for them in the long run. But the Chiefs and the NFL are deep into it now as well and l bet Travis has pressures on him that I would not even want to imagine coming from that side.
Meanwhile we have Taylor out here messing up the plans again, sending secret messages and singing surprise songs to Matty Healy during her sold-out concert tour where she’s added an entire set to imitate Matty and heighten the speculation and discussion surrounding their big “cosmic, tortured romance.” I feel sure she’s still in love with Matty and is absolutely in contact with him. Logically, their friendships and professional circles are far too intertwined for me to believe they would not be in any form of contact throughout all of this. I wouldn’t be at all surprised if they were already back together. I think it’s highly possible they’ve even been back together since shortly after their breakup last summer and that likely helped fuel the big push to launch the “relationship” between her and Travis the world. That’s another post for another time though and I still haven’t fully drawn my conclusions about that. Very long story short, I think they are all in a great big mess right now and things are taking a toll, and cracks are showing. I think this may all come crashing down around a lot of people very soon, but I’m betting Taylor Swift comes out on top no matter what somehow. Some people are just lucky like that.

I know a lot of people are talking about her recreating the Bejeweled music video in her relationship with Travis but she’s obviously doing Blank Space too. Not a new thought but worth diving more into.
Travis says it’s his favorite song. The Lake Como Villa looks a lot like the one in the Blank Space MV. I was also realizing that at the end of the MV, the next guy/PR relationship shows up in a red convertible which reminded me a lot of the convertible we first see them get into after the first football game she attended.
The lyrics of Blank Space fit so well. I’ve got my thoughts below. What else do you all see?
———-
Nice to meet you, where you been? I could show you incredible things Magic, madness, heaven, sin Saw you there and I thought "Oh, my God, look at that face You look like my next mistake Love's a game, wanna play?" Ay

Taylor chooses her next beard - this time it’s Travis. Love’s a game, wanna play? Might as well pick a football player to make the game analogy more obvious. She can show him amazing things. Make his Hollywood dreams come true.

—
New money, suit and tie I can read you like a magazine

Travis is the epitome of new money, suit & tie with his flamboyant dressing style. Pin stripe three piece suits, etc. She can read him like a magazine because he’s not deep enough to be a book.

—
Ain't it funny? Rumors fly And I know you heard about me So hey, let's be friends

Travis goes on his podcast and talks about wanting to give her a friendship bracelet (lol) causing rumors to fly.

—
I'm dying to see how this one ends Grab your passport and my hand I can make the bad guys good for a weekend

Travis says how they are planning to travel all over Europe together this summer during Eras. Get that passport ready Buddy.

—
So it's gonna be forever Or it's gonna go down in flames You can tell me when it's over, mm If the high was worth the pain Got a long list of ex-lovers They'll tell you I'm insane 'Cause you know I love the players And you love the game

Is it going to be worth it Travis? We know you love the game.

—
'Cause we're young, and we're reckless We'll take this way too far

Will they actually get engaged? Will they get married? How far will they take it?

—
It'll leave you breathless, mm Or with a nasty scar Got a long list of ex-lovers They'll tell you I'm insane But I've got a blank space, baby And I'll write your name

Travis’s favorite song? She blows him a kiss during this song? C’mon

—
Cherry lips, crystal skies I could show you incredible things Stolen kisses, pretty lies You're the King, baby, I'm your Queen

I feel So High School. Almost like Tayvis is Homecoming King & Queen right? Stolen kisses backstage, on a boat in Italy… it’s true, swear, scouts honor.

—
Find out what you want Be that girl for a month

Travy wants a WAG, right? Taylor says bet, I can be the Waggiest Wag to ever Wag. I’ll drape myself in Chiefs gear and show up to every game. She can be that girl for a while…

—
Wait, the worst is yet to come, oh, no Screaming, crying, perfect storms I can make all the tables turn

Until she drops TTPD. Completely about an ex. She’s screaming, she’s crying, she’s craaaaaaazy. Wait where did the fun, bubbly WAG go?

—
Rose garden filled with thorns Keep you second guessing like "Oh, my God, who is she?" I get drunk on jealousy But you'll come back each time you leave 'Cause, darling, I'm a nightmare dressed like a daydream

Stories come out about how she can’t bear to be without him. She’s insecure, maybe jealous? Photos show them looking sad, bored, over it. Is the daydream starting to feel like a nightmare?

—
Boys only want love if it's torture Don't say I didn't, say I didn't warn ya Boys only want love if it's torture Don't say I didn't, say I didn't warn ya

Don’t say she didn’t warn you Travis. You already know, babe.

Never thought I would be making a post on here, but I only get 3 free therapist visits a year so here I am.
TLDR : My parents have fully replaced me with some guy (M28) they met at work/ church. I'm slightly hurt but ultimately it's their life and they can do what the please. I am more bewildered, and concerned about my parents being taken advantage of.
First some relevant background info:
My parents are VERY religious boomers. by this I mean more religious than you would believe until you actually spoke to them. growing up this created a lot of friction between us. As I reached my teens I became disillusioned with organized Christianity mostly due to the fact that a lot of modern day interpretations miss the point of what is written in the Bible. the hypocrisy I witnessed was rampant among church members including my parents. I strongly disliked their thinly veiled revulsion for any people who they considered "sinners", a title which was doled out on a whim. even while I was in the church it would be weaponized against other church goers and even myself once. a pastor from another church told a girl I was hanging out with that I would lead her to hell, despite the fact that I also went to church. she promptly cut off all contact despite admitting that she didn't want to, but was being threatened with being kicked out of her church groups of she did not.
back to my parents: we were at odds throughout my teen years as I began to avoid church and anything about it. I did not stop believing but I did not want to be associated with their type of toxic Christianity. this was not something they could understand. when I say they are fully indoctrinated it means they are irredeemable in many of their views. they were willing to ignore any and all boundaries I set about religion even to this day. despite me telling them that what they were doing would tear our family apart. in the end they chose religion over their children. my sister is essentially no contact with them.
as a very young child, our family moved around a lot. I was a continual outsider. I had no friends, at all. my parents would say it was no big deal cause I was just a kid and kids don't care about that stuff really, kids don't know the difference, etc. but I knew the difference and I desperately wanted friendship and community. the only constants were 2 hyper controlling parents who wanted a quiet and obedient follower.
eventually we moved to a place where I was able to form solid friendships for the first time in my life. it was , to this day, the happiest time period of my life. this lasted until my final year of high school when my parents decided to move. despite me having many friends whose parents offered me a place to stay for the final year, my parents forced me to move. this caused me to spiral into a deep depression for around 3 years. I developed enduring social anxiety which I deal with to this day. I have made peace with the fact that I will never have a lot of friends, but thinking about what I missed out on is painful. years later I found out they forced me to move because they prayed and God told them it would be better for all of us if I moved with them. we needed to stay together as a family. then 2 years later they moved back to the place they took me from. all I can do is laugh at this because it is so dark and obviously bullshit. when it was my life getting fucked up "God" said ok we needed to stay together as a family. when I needed support he said naw just ditch him and move away.
my life was destroyed by religion. I have since learned that of course, we are ultimately in charge of our own happiness, but at the time I had no knowledge of trauma or therapy. simply 2 parents who reduced every concern I ever had in my life to "just pray about it". in fact throughout my entire life they diminished all of my concerns, big and small. in addition, they would often judge me for everything I did, even if they were innocent to a non religious person. so I would only tell them about things when I absolutely had no other choice. and they would treat them as wholly unimportant. they also believed that men should not be upset or emotional and should figure things out for themselves. so they would help my sister out whenever she needed it, including buying her a new car, while I was riding my bike an hour each way to go to engineering school. there were many points in my life where I was at rock bottom, and despite them having more than enough means to help me, they did not.
compounding this is the fact that all the while they diminished my own concerns, they would bend over backwards to help people not in our family. they always wanted to appear nice and helpful, but this never extended to me. in fact they would often do things to inconvenience me in order to help some random person they just met.
All of these circumstances created a very weird relationship dynamic between us all. I became avoidant, negative and pessimistic for years before I discovered therapy and began to work through my mental health issues. I struggled in many relationships I had, and always felt like I was a lesser person than everyone else. this persisted until around 3 years ago when I began to correct the errors in my thinking patterns. despite therapy, I still struggle to have a relationship with my parents. all they talk about is religion. I have given up trying to enforce the boundary there. there is no point. they don't know anything else. they cannot be different and have no desire to change, in fact they see no error in their actions throughout the years. despite me obviously having issues. they essentially chalk it up to me just being a bad egg. I have since been able to forgive them, but the trauma I experienced throughout my life has left me with tendencies they hate. I withdraw when I am depressed, I am prone to anxiety from time to time, I have ADHD, I distance myself from them because all they do is cross my boundaries to preach at me, etc etc.
Back to the present:
Before my dad retired he hired this guy, let's call him Raj, at his work. just a basic bank employee. he is a nice enough guy I think. a little awkward but nice enough. I believe he has an engineering degree from another country but it got rejected by our country, so he had to just take whatever job he could get. he is new to the country and a bit of a fish out of water, this is the reason I think most people looked past his non ordinary behavior.... I literally cannot imagine myself ever hanging out or going on vacations with my boss, who is 20+ years older than me.
he struggled to understand the job and my dad had to spend a lot of time with him to get him up to speed. he began to go to my dad for life advice beyond work, as he struggled with making friends or getting a girlfriend. I think eventually my parents invited him to church and he went, despite being originally Hindu. eventually he went with them regularly and integrated himself with them to a wild extent that I did not realize until this past weekend when they came to "visit". they brought this motherfucker with them without saying shit beforehand. paid for his hotel and all his food. bought him clothes and took him on errands. all while saying they didn't really have time to assist me; I cannot drive anymore as I began having seizures 3 years ago.
when we did finally hang out, my own parents mistakenly called me his name many times. they acted like a family and treated me like I was just some dude lol.
we went out to dinner with some friends of theirs who were also in town. during dinner they called Raj my parents adopted son. needless to say I was very weirded out. but did not say anything. if I did they would just say I was being negative and I look like the asshole.
I know Raj does not make a lot of money but somehow he was able to buy a small house a year after starting work. I have not seen proof personally but my sister has said she is sure that my pprovided the down payment. this is where I began to be concerned they are being taken advantage of. this is very out of character for my parents.
I have considered also the weirdest possiblity, that they may have some kind of weird ass sugar baby relationship but I simply cannot see that being the case. they are hypocrites about some aspects of Christianity, such as not judging people, but they are 1000% devout when it comes to what they would deem as sin.
I get the impression that they have empty nest syndrome and compounded with their propensity to bend over backwards for non family members, they have essentially adopted this guy. he is at their house several times a week. as far as I know my mom prepares most of his meals.
it appears to me that they found a replacement for me with none of the mental health issues and resentment ( that they caused) and who was willing to play the part of a church goer. I fear now, based on watching them shop together that he is taking advantage of them. If they are just choosing to help him out money wise that is MASSIVELY out of character for them to do so to this extent. this is the main reason I think they are being taken advantage of. they are doing things for this guy they would NEVER do for anyone.
I am not sure how to approach this situation or what to even think about it. I lack the bandwidth to really mull it over or be upset about it. one thing I am certain of is that me saying anything about this will do nothing except make them mad and bring them closer together .they think I am simply a negative person and don't really listen to my thoughts on things, whether I am right or not.they have always treated me like I'm a moron
Is this as weird to you as it is to me? What would you do in this scenario?

I could use advice about my relationship. Recently I (25F) started seeing a girl (27f). We met through a mutual ex (got cheated on by the same dude) and essentially have been best friends and unseparable since meeting almost a year ago.
I do really love her, I think she is a wonderful person, beautiful inside and out, one of the sweetest people I've ever met. I just don't think I'm falling IN love with her. I was crushing super hard in the beginning of our friendship but I didn't really want to pursue because the situation we came from was fresh, but about a month ago she asked me to start going on dates and stuff and I was SO excited she had feelings for me too.
My thing now is that it feels rushed, even though I was willing to rush too. She is very much a U-Haul lesbian and talking LOTS of BIG plans for our future (she also has a 5 year old son) that I don't necessarily see for myself, let alone so fast. I told her in the beginning I was also nervous about being a large part of her child's life because I've never wanted kids myself, and now that I am spending considerable amounts of time with them I am so tired all of the time. I feel like I'm forcing myself to participate when my mental battery is low, and I know neither me or her want love to feel like a chore. She also talks a lot about how she hopes our mutual ex knows about us, how she wants to vandalize his property (we both already totalled dudes car after we found out) , etc and it makes me feel like a revenge plot a little.
These are just small things I feel already poking at me in the beginning of our relationship. I don't want to repeat my own toxic patterns of letting my feelings build up until I explode. I know I need to talk to her, but I feel I'm going to upset her so much and I don't know how to phrase what I'm even feeling. In my head I'm thinking "if she's too much, go find less" and like I'm an asshole for not seemingly reciprocating the same feelings she has. I want to stay her friend and in her life, I just don't think i can meet her needs as a partner.
Also please don't hate me for how I'm speaking about my feelings, I have extremely bad untreated anxiety and depression due to losing health insurance so my brain chemicals are extra spicy and mean to me, especially about a wonderful girl actually wanting to love me and im trying to let her. I don't know if I'm picking apart something good to self sabotage, or if I'm invalidating my own feelings to not hurt someone else's.