Just a thought since I'm currently rushing finishing some webtoons before they get Daily Pass-ed soon. I'm wondering if I'm possibly missing out on some gems that I can read because I haven't discovered them yet. Idk if others already do this but maybe once a series ends we can share it to each other on this sub too? Not just on this post but like in general/in the future :)
Anyway since I said that, I shall post my contribution to y'all. Disclaimer: I haven't read them yet, also just have them noted down as potential reads. Happy binging! :D
Will be DP-ed on May 23, 2024: - Class 1-9 - Survive to Revive - Let's Get Divorced! - Act Like You Love Me! - Dungeons & Artifacts
Recently completed (past 3 months, might be DP-ed eventually): - Flawed Almighty - Tricked into Becoming the Heroine's Stepmother - Wished You Were Dead - My Roommate is a Gumiho - The Empress' Lipstick - Saving a Mercenary Unit From Bankruptcy
Others without DP yet: - Twilight Poem - Leveling Up My Husband To The Max - Take Me, I'm Yours - The World Where I Belong - My Roommate is a Gumiho - Phantom Paradise - Shadow - Stories of those Around Me - Salty Studio - Noblesse: Rai's Adventure - Shriek - Aisopos - Cherry Blossoms - Gepetto - Your Letter - Catharsis - The Devil is a Handsome Man - Gourmet Hound - UnderPrin - The Sound of Your Heart

I am not even talking about scriptural problems within the bible, You don't have to open a single bible to start seeing the problems,
1-) The Problem of Salvation and Faith (Why the plan of salvation is ridiculous, and has failed)
I.The ridiculousness of the plan
A. Demanding blood for remission of sins Heb 9:22 - Why is this the terms that god insists upon? Isn't he the architect of the parameters regarding sin, punishment, and forgiveness? Is he not able to forgive sin without blood sacrifice? Can he not say, “No blood sacrifice necessary, I just forgive you?”
B. God sacrificing himself to himself to save us from himself by creating a loophole in the architecture for condemnation he engineered in the first place? This is your solution for a problem in which you yourself are the problem. It’s like a doctor stabbing people to be able to operate and save them.
C. Dying for someone else's crime does not equal justice in any court.
D. The sacrifice was not a sacrifice at all :

1. Jesus is said to be eternal
2. He spent a few days in misery out of his billions of years plus of existence
3. He spent a minutiae of a fraction of his existence suffering knowing he would be resurrected after the ordeal and spend eternity in divine luxury, and that somehow provides him justification to sentence us to trillions of years of eternity suffering without end?
4. Jesus is a supernatural immortal who suffered temporary mortal punishment and then sentences mortals to supernatural eternal punishment if they do not receive his sacrifice.
5. Why is three days of punishment followed by eternity in glory sufficient for all the horrible deeds any man has ever committed, but billions of years suffered in hell by a good moral person who does not believe due to lack of evidence is not sufficient?

2-) Nature of The Christian god
I. He is supposed to be an all Powerful and All mighty being and yet he died on a cross by his own creation (If you see someone claiming to be god and then you saw him hie before your very eyes, How on earth are you supposed to conclude anything else other than "This guy is a liar"?)
Modern Christians would respond to this saying "Only the Human part died, The Divine part wasn't affected"
Which again, doesn't make any sense :
A. Even when assuming a human sacrifice is somehow necessary for salvation, The sacrifice of 1 Human being can never be Enough to atone for the sins of all of mankind since Adam and Eve till the return of jesus.
I found a Coptic pope explaining this issue in detail, Here is a link to his book, https://st-takla.org/books/en/pope-shenouda-iii/nature-of-christ/propitiation-and-redemption.html
Quoting from it : "The belief in the One Nature of the Incarnate Logos is essential, necessary and fundamental for redemption. Redemption requires unlimited propitiation sufficient for the forgiveness of the unlimited sins of all the people through all ages. There was no solution other than the Incarnation of God the Logos to offer this through His Divine Power.
Thus, if we mention two natures and say that the human nature alone performed the act of redemption, it would have been entirely impossible to achieve unlimited propitiation for man's salvation. Hence comes the danger of speaking of two natures, each having its own specific tasks. In such case, the death of the human nature alone is insufficient."
It's very clear that saying only the human part died doesn't make any sense, Even according to the Christian theology itself.
B. The Trinity is based on a false idea
I know, It's a classic Argument against Christianity but you can't deny that it's an actual damning argument against the Christian theology.

1. God is all knowing but Jesus wasn't all knowing (mark 13:32)
2. Jesus is supposed to be god, but he is praying to himself to save himself with cries and tears?? (Luke 22:41-44)
3. Jesus is god but we can't say he is good because only god is good?? (Luke 18:18-19)
4. God can't be tempted by evil (James 1:13) but yet jesus was tempted by satan?? (Matthew 4:1)
5. Jesus is god but he can't do a thing on his own?? (John 5:31) 6.Jesus is supposed to be the same as the father, But their teachings are different? (John 7:16)

And so many more, Throught the bible i can't help but notice the intense number of verses which clearly states Jesus can't be god.
3-) The Problem of a Historical Jesus (Why we don’t know the actual historical Jesus)
I. No contemporary historical evidence,
A. No historian alive during Jesus day wrote about Jesus despite ample opportunity

1. The kings coming to his birth
2. Herod’s slaughter of baby boys
3. The overthrowing of money changers
4. Jesus triumphant entry into Jerusalem where he is declared king by the whole town.
5. Darkness covering the whole earth for hours on Jesus’ Death
6. The earthquakes at Jesus’ death
7. The rending of the temple veil at Jesus’ Death
8. The resurrection of Jesus that was seen by 500 witnesses.(Only Paul claims that, even tho he never met jesus)

II. The Gospels are contradicting, late hearsay accounts
A. Mark, the earliest gospel, was written at least after 70 A.D. (referencing fall of temple) by a non-eyewitness, and makes numerous cultural and geographical errors that a Jewish writer would not have made such as locations of rivers, cultural customs regarding divorce, locations of towns or Jesus quoting from the greek Septuagint etc. (see geographical and historical errors in this link, https://holtz.org/Library/Philosophy/Metaphysics/Theology/Christianity/Criticism/Bible%20Problems%20by%20Packham%201998.htm#ERRORS )
B. The other gospels all copied from Mark. Luke and Matthew contain over 70% of Mark and mainly make changes in attempts to fix blatant errors made in Mark and to correct Mark’s poor grammar.The writer of Luke even reveals to us in Luke 1:2 that he was not an eyewitness, but that the story has been passed down to him.
C. Four where chosen by the church father Iraeneus because he believed the earth was founded on four pillars and so too, should the gospels be founded by only four accounts.
Iraenus also revealed the names of the Gospels in the late second century, without any reason to assume they where the authentic authors - no one knows who actually wrote them!
D. John was initially considered heretical by the early church because of its variation from the synoptic but was overwhelmingly popular amongst Christians and so was included.
E. The book of Revelations was also considered heretical by many :
For centuries The Revelation was a rejected book. In the 4th century, St.John Chrysostom and other bishops argued against it. Christians in Syria also reject it. The Synod of Laodicea: c. 363, rejected The Revelation. In the late 380s, Gregory of Nazianus produced a canon omitting The Revelation. Bishop Amphilocus of Iconium, in his poem Iambics for Seleucus written some time after 394, rejects The Revelation. When St.Jerome translated the Bible into Latin, producing the Vulgate bible c. 400, he argued for the Veritas Hebraica, meaning the truth of the Jewish Bible over the Septuagint translation. At the insistence of the Pope, however, he added existing translations for what he considered doubtful books: among them The Revelation. The Church in the East never included the Revelation.
4-) The early church did not seem to know anything about a historical Jesus. Huge amounts of disagreement over Jesus in the first hundred years :

1. Some churches didn’t even believe he had a physical body, prompting Paul to write about that very issue.
   
2. There was an enormous debate between all the major early churches as to whether Jesus was divine or not, this was settled at the council of Nicea by the Roman Emperor Constantine.
   

5-) Which Bible?
A. Over 450 English versions of the bible All are translated using different methods and from entirely different manuscripts
B. Thousands of manuscripts disagreeing with each other wildly in what verses and even books they contain.
C. Different translations teach entirely different things in places, some often leaving out entire chapters and verses or containing footnotes warning of possible error due to uncertainty about the reliability of the numerous manuscripts.
Take a look at this example, 1- Revised standard version 2- Revised standard version Catholic edition 3- NEW revised standard version Updated edition 4- NEW revised standard version Catholic edition 5- NEW revised standard version, Anglicised 6- NEW revised standard version, Anglicised Catholic edition
How many attempts would it take to finally get it right ?!
6-) The Morality of the bible
I don't like using Morality as an argument because i believe it's a subjective thing, But I cannot help but notice how the morals of the OT and the NT are completely contradictory
In the OT god was Angry, Vengeful, Demands war, order genocides, Ordered the killing of children and even the ripping open of pregnant women.
But in the NT he somehow became loving, a father figure, saying if anyone hits you you shouldn't even respond back.

• In Conclusion: I don't think Christianity can be accepted as the truth by any logical person (Even most convert stories i heard were basically "I saw jesus in a dream" or "The holy spirit held my hand")

There is so many Theological confusion, A salvation idea that makes 0 sense, Lack of any form of historical critirea of knowing what is true manuscripts and what is hearsays (The authors of the gospels are all Anynomous),
There is even disagreement within Christianity itself about what stories go into the bible (Many stories have been found out to be false like John 8:1-11 and Mark 16:18)
https://textandcanon.org/does-the-woman-caught-in-adultery-belong-in-the-bible/
The lack of consistency on literally everything makes it one of the least convincing religion in my opinion.

beauty
which i have now
fades so quick
i can’t even grasp it
actors and actresses
statues looking at you
only the garb changes
one of the strongest emerging social trends that arise as a consequence of increased longevity is a necessity to think about slowing cognitive decline in the over 50’s which means attention to diet and supplements, exercise , general fitness and "wear and tear", alcohol and drug consumption
my feeling is we are going to see sharp divides between subcultures in this respect and a lot of individual variation
also, a lot of the public health advice and cultural opinions are wrong minded or ill-informed, you have to do your own research and experimentation
a way of looking at the covid public health debacle (which continues despite the cardiovascular and cancer risks of boosters) was to trade off a reduced death rate in the elderly for an increased vaccine injury problem for the young
a verse by touzi on #3 of master fushan’s sixteen themes translated by suru
the death within life
birds clench the falling blossoms before the emerald cliffs, every word responds to conditions, spreading throughout — they ask of coming west, pointing to the cypress in the yard, but how could the passage through the lush mountain peaks be shut ?
活中死。鳥銜華落碧嵓前。對境皆言到處傳。人問西來指庭柏。豈關蒼翠嶺頭穿。
my reply:
what cannot be shut
is always open
but to avoid the common herd
it is disguised
why write things people understand ?
they just make your life a misery with their missionizing of a contrary view
to confuse them is better
they can’t target you
no "master"
except the claim
fantasies about reality
seek a center
its doesn’t exist
non-existence or otherwise
ed. zen is full of fake claims to authority by the appellation of "zen master", same with any religion and its "pooh-bahs"
that’s the trouble with writing
its lasts forever
so
necessarily
you are writing forever
i am appreciating the philosopher gilles deleuze more
the untranslated portion at the end goes
so you understand, when you have such an idea, the important is not to know whether it is true or false
the question is to know if it is important, if it is interesting, and if it is beautiful
and it is the same in science, it is the same in philosophy, you know
waterslipt
a furball
widening ripples on
the smooth surface
of a reflective river
a platypus
ed. i was having lunch at a clearing on the bank of the mersey rivestream near the eastern end of bridle track road, the day was amazingly clear and windless and the river smooth and i noticed a platypus working its way feeding on the bottom to surface occasionally for breath then go back down again
this morning i serendipitously put on a shirt and trousers that "matched", i have always been sceptical of the concept, but since there are clothes that don’t match, there must be those that do match, though what constitutes the female sense of this, i still cannot fathom
the abdication of the duke of windsor was in fact a surface effect of a deeper political struggle, would britain become a client state of germany or would it resist ?
the outcome was not as obvious as you might think
taking actors as real
and a set as reality
is it any wonder
the dissembling mess
collapses ?
the circle of the contemporary
rubbish generating more rubbish
stay there at your own risk
sharing the same road for a while
but later
looking at the forks and branches
i realise
we are apart
inscribed on the tower at veneration monastery
in cold spring, a hundred-foot tower
i climb up alone, and then back down alone
who can manage such distances of the heart ?
david hinton
classical chinese poetry
the poet is tu mu (803 to 853 a.d.) with a bio on page 378 of the "classical chinese poetry" pdf link
definitely medieval with the mention of a functional tower
an interesting thing about frieda hughes is she did not have her mother’s talent, of course neither did ted
there is just a remarkable depth to sylvia plath’s work and this was despite all the obstacles, what genetic quirk created her or would , if her parents had more children, they have a similar talent ?
this prosaic world
because its written in prose of course
its not a poetic world
because its not written in poetry
if you take away the "zen master" or saint or prophet as an authority figure, what do you then have ?
Regulus replies:
People acceptant of the existent reality
my reply:
the monk asked zen master regulus "what is required to be enlightened" ?
zen master regulus replied "be accepting of existing reality"
the monk was left speechless
lee smolin doesn’t like jonathon oppemheim’s stochastic gravity approach
its interesting to watch lee talk with the constant gesticulatory body movements, almost tourette's, but he is using them to think, they are part of his cognition process
how simple is the world ?
its not that simple
and certainly not as simple as the way we view it to be
insight
takes you back
and obviates
some future lives
the brain
is
a
quantum
machine
words in a story
believable or unbelievable ?
don’t
be
fooled
.
words in a story
believable or unbelievable ?
don’t be fooled
so much knowledge
everywhere
each branch opens up exponentially
drowning in detail
its pursuer
i guess i have got so interested in hearts because of hunting and looking at them, in one animal, it beat for minutes cut out from the body; never seen any that had human like aging diseases
i think as a society we have lost touch with our own raw "viscerality", i hunt for my own meat; the killing, butchering and eating does bring one back in touch with that, the commonality with our homonin history
heart and lungs animation
the number of people who have no understanding of what even moderate levels of drinking does to their lives and long term health
you have won the existential lottery where the odds are so small of winning, no number covers it and to chip away at brain function with drugs and alcohol like that . . .
you want to experiment with doing some translation yourself with google and you will realise how its possible to construct almost any sense out of the chinese, its actually not meaningful to do any commentary without going back to the chinese, the variance is so large, translators follow their own biases to create a narrative that suits them
“ continuous as the stars that shine and twinkle on the milky way ”
wordsworth’s famous poem which he wrote based on notes by his sister dorothy was in effect co-authored by her
strangers to me
thirty years of no contact
exile speaks
of unwanted distance
.
strangers to me
thirty years of no contact
exile speaks
unwanted distance
ed. looking at a photo of my sister, niece and brother in law who are all very much changed since i last saw them notions of exile are not common in western literature, but are certainly there in the chinese
lost roads
can’t be recovered
what we have travelled
always
takes us
to
a different place
i love a sotherby’s auction , vast sums spent for my entertainment, all free, it don’t get slicker, a living made from networking skills and being personable
i was about to go negative on the painting by lucy bull, but on looking further i quite like her work
you have to be careful, auctioneers like these can talk the money out of your wallet
xu qiyao’s advice to his son on being successful in CCP politics
“ the path of understanding requires objectivity and experience ”
ed. the above is my reworking of the first lines of the xinxin ming which, amongst its more "normal" translations is
“ the great way is not difficult, just avoid picking and choosing ”
the xinxin ming is an abridged version of the mind inscription
心性不生何須知見
“ reality is either itself or not. is there any point to understanding this ? ”
ed. my translation of the first line of the "mind inscription"
"don’t interrupt your enemy when he’s making a mistake" — napoleon
i think in the context of divorce , what people find difficult is the necessity of switching to the extreme mindset of being at war and all that entails because that is what is immediately required
billie and finneas o’connell discuss how they created the "what am i made for" song for the film "barbie"
billie in her own words describes the process
“ Dr. Raszek provides insights from his participation in a comprehensive review concerning the utilization of synthetic uridines in mRNA vaccines (ed. covid) and their potential implications for cancer development
The discussion delves into the intricate mechanisms that could be at play, exploring how these synthetic components might inadvertently suppress the body's innate immune system, induce frameshifting phenomena, and contribute to the production of IgG4 antibodies, all of which could potentially influence cancer growth ”
my comment
i think we can expect an upsurge in cancers, especially amongst the elderly as a result of the misguidedly intensive "booster" campaign, though it may take a while to show
the forward momentum
of habituation
leading
to
habits
that
become
unbreakable
the fallacy of "negation"
its not this, its not that
but its what its not
negation is a stylised buddhist rhetorical technique, nāgārjuna of course and you get it in dogen, they’ll say something then walk it back through its negation
but having walked it forwards, there is a sense in which it can’t be walked back or it could not be walked forwards another way of putting it is there is no ontological unity, everything is constantly splitting apart
zen masters and the authority they carry are literary constructs
buddha is a literary construct
jesus, muhammad and moses are literary constructs
the egyptian book of the dead is a literary construct
does it bother you that your advice is so bad ?
no
the blindness of narcissism

I’ve had a lot of adventures in my life.
I’ve traveled, made friends, seen sights, competed in sports, and participated in events.
Sometimes, following any of these endeavors, a small object would find itself in my possession. A knickknack, a totem, a doodad.
Maybe it was a collection of Mardi Gras beads from my trip to New Orleans. Or a t-shirt tossed by a cheerleader at a sporting event. A toy from a claw machine. A mixtape from a friend. A thank-you note. A cheap piece of junk from a tourist’s gift shop.
Whatever they were didn’t matter — what matters is that they were often a representation of whatever moment in time they came from.
I never threw these things away. I set them on my desk or on my shelves. When those spaces filled up, I bought two small storage containers. They’re filled to the brim and I’m currently filling a third.
Why keep the color-coordinated bandana a stranger gave me in the park during Pokemon Go’s heyday? Why hold onto the Save the Date from my high school friend who ended up getting divorced not two years later? What significance or use could I possibly have for those goofy White Elephant gifts my kickball team gave at the yearly Christmas party?
No purpose, no reason and there is none, respectively.
And yet I don’t want to let them go. You see, they are reminders of times and experiences — Keepsakes. Mementos. Souvenirs. In some ways, they’re a physical collection and documentation of my life.
It reminds me a little bit of this weird quirk I have when I play video games.
--
I likely dumped more than 500 hours across all my Skyrim save files. There was no other game, there needn’t be any other game and there still hasn’t been any other game since.
In my adulthood, I returned to one of its many definitive editions for one last victory lap. With my experience, memory and fully-formed adult brain, I approached the game methodologically, in an optimal order, carefully. I built my ideal character and crafted only what was needed — down to the last iron ingot. I explored, I experienced — I did every major and minor quest, making it my perfect playthrough.
One thing I love about Skyrim is the loot. Yes, there’s 20 million iron daggers and boring, inventory-cluttering useless items… but then there’s the special ones.
There’s the unique weapons at the end of each Daedric quest. The trinkets from the Thieves Guild. Spellbooks, statuettes and storybooks. The eerily-delivered note for the assassin’s questline. The robes of the king, the rings and necklaces of Jarls.
You know them — the items with one-of-a-kind names and designs that are specific to each of their quests.
You see, these items carry a story with them. How you stole for them or killed for them. Traveled, battled, talked, stealthed, lied, solved your way into their possession. They’re the game’s biggest treat.
That’s why, at the culmination of my final ever Skyrim playthrough, I bought a house in Whiterun and filled it with these objects.
Weapons and armors on the walls and on the racks, items and books placed carefully on shelves - but not just any weapons, armors, objects and books. Only the special ones. It was a house that told the story of all of my adventures.
I sat down in a chair next to Aela the Huntress in my castle, my throne room. I saved my game one final time.
--
For all of gaming’s swashbuckling adventures, magnificent worlds and large stretches of land to traverse, they don’t always give us too much to remember them by, do they?
I appreciate Skyrim so much for understanding the nature of the epic they were creating. The ability to fill your house with display cases, armor mannequins and weapon racks demonstrates the developer’s awareness of their playerbase and the scale of the adventures they were sending them on.
These are adventures to cherish, to tell tales of, to be remembered.
Will anyone else give me what Skyrim did?
…
The answer’s yes, actually.
It’s a fascinating yes, too — because not every keepsake system is cut from the same cloth. Games offer unique takes on the mechanic that energize it, give it new life and perspective and add layers of meaning to it in fresh ways.
And I’ve got plenty of examples.
--
In The Outer Worlds, special items you collected while out adventuring would be placed in specific locations throughout your ship, The Unreliable, upon return. These included things like:
• Posters • Signs • Various ISO items • Tossballs & Tossball cards • Golden bird statuettes • Many, many more
Sometimes these were stored by the game in your captain’s quarters, but other times, they’d appear in your squad’s quarters instead.
No matter where they got stored, these items were more than just junk. They were signature weapons of terrible villains whom you defeated, they were outlandish garb from flamboyant characters who painstakingly passed away to protect your life, they were motifs of resource-gouging corporations whom you shutdown for the good of cities and planets.
They were special, they were keepsakes. Their addition made The Unreliable feel alive and lived in, part of your own, unique journey, filled with the stories and tales of your adventure and — importantly and specifically to The Outer Worlds — your choices.
—
The second and third installments of the Mass Effect series contained model ships you could buy from vendors that would then go on display on desks or on racks in your spaceship, The Normandy.
These are a little different because you buy them, rather than slice somebody’s head off for them, but they still count.
What makes them still count here is twofold:
• Some model ships only become available after completing certain missions that actually involve the ship you’re buying a model of, so they still serve as a reminder and memento of specific accomplishments in this way • If you transferred your save data through the games, models you collected in ME2 would appear automatically on The Normandy in ME3. Being able to carry souvenirs into a sequel is exceptional, and a feat I’ve not found any other game to match.
Mass Effect: Andromeda saw a return of this feature, too. You ended up re-gathering old ships of yore in this installment, however. Andromeda also featured a more traditional collectible-style search; these model ships were looted from various locations in the world.
The original trilogy used the model ships as landmarks for its major moments, to be remembered across the series, while Andromeda paid homage to the previous games and encouraged its players to explore its world more thoroughly.
—
In Assassin’s Creed: Valhalla, building up your burgeoning young settlement of Ravensthorpe is a central gameplay mechanic — as you acquire more resources to build with, the size of the village grows both in length, width and inhabitants.
The game includes optional side quests that change those who wander your evolving home and hub in medieval England. They include:
• Capturing a stray cat • Saving a fox from a burning home • Befriending a fallen hunter’s wolf pet
In each instance, the living being will join your settlement — the cat will stay underneath Eivor’s seat in your longship, the fox will wander Ravensthorpe and the wolf will welcome you in your personal quarters, howling at your arrival.
You can interact and pet them whenever you like, playing a short animation displaying the affection between the two.
These three “collectibles” don’t feel like trinkets, but living, breathing additions to your home that give it joy and life, as well as keep you young.
—
Speaking of Norse culture, central to Biomutant is a form of Yggdrasil — the WorldTree.
Central to Biomutant’s story is saving the old, decaying and currently-being-eaten-by-giant-monsters WorldTree. And there are two impressive quests in the game that reflect back to the player their efforts in saving it.
One quest saves the tree from festering toxins below its roots — and the tree’s colors change from green to fluorescent white as a result.
Another quest by the name of Aurora has you activate monoliths around the map that direct energy to the WorldTree. The quest climaxes by having the tree give off a swirling, sparkling aura that hangs perpetually while you travel the world and complete more objectives.
It even matches your affinity — if you’re taking the side of love and justice, the aura is white, while if you play for the destruction of the planet, the aura will hang black.
What’s special about these to me is that they don’t do anything. They don’t get you any closer to saving the world or the tree, but they definitely did something important –
The WorldTree’s central location in the map and absolutely massive scale allow for it to be seen at all times from just about anywhere in Biomutant’s world. This means, after I had completed these two quests, the fruits of my labor were on gloriously beautiful display at all times.
Biomutant’s mementos aren’t keepsakes you can’t take with you when you leave the planet — they’re visual celebrations of your hard work, an ever-present reminder of your endeavors and care for a dying world.
—
More briefly, Cyberpunk 2077 allowed you to fill V’s apartment with keepsakes as well, featuring dream catchers, posters, paintings, action figures and more.
In Star Wars: X-Wing Alliance Ace Azzameen’s personal quarters would fill up with medals and displays as you progressed through the game.
In The Legend of Zelda: Tears of the Kingdom, some of the most legendary Zelda equipment ever was available to the player, including the Sword of Six Sages, the Fierce Deity Sword, and the Biggorons Sword — all of which can be hung in display cases in Link’s home.
Meanwhile, Uncharted 4 greets players near its opening sequence with an attic filled with memorabilia and keepsakes that Nathan Drake himself has kept after all these years. It’s not us — the players — ourselves collecting and hoarding, but it was lovely to see Drake thinking along the same lines as us souvenir psychopaths.
—
I’ll end with gaming’s classic — Mario. The red-hatted Italian also did the keepsake thing in one of his most beloved installments.
Super Mario: Odyssey allowed you to decorate The Odyssey with stickers and trinkets from your escapades by spending purple coins you could collect while out adventuring on one of the game’s many worlds.
A vanilla Odyssey player’s ship might look the same as it did at the game’s start, but a completionist might have a slew of trinkets and décor, like:
• Peach’s Model Castle • Dinosaur models and trophies • Shiverian Nesting Dolls • A plush frog • Flowers and a watering can from Steam Gardens • Statues of Pauline, Jaxi, Jizo • A lamp and rock fragment of the moon
Hell, the game director himself sounds like he’s read this very article:

“But what about decorating the ship? There’s a shop that appears in many kingdoms where you can buy souvenirs and stickers using the purple coins you’ve gathered.
Collecting memories is one of the best parts of traveling, don’t you think?” –Kenta Motokura

The ability to make The Odyssey your own evolved the traditional fetch-quest nature of collectible gathering and drove the player to go that little bit of extra distance in exploring and engaging with the various kingdoms and mastering the game’s platforming.
--
Video game narratives and their accompanying worlds are monstrously large nowadays. As enjoyers of the medium, us gamers spend a lot of time in them.
Like, a lot.
In recognition of this, game developers have given gamers a number of distinct tools to document their triumphs and sagas — each with their own unique flavor of congratulations and commemoration.
For our enormous investment with huge worlds and long, winding quests, something tangible we can keep hold of provides value, meaning, memories. They make our journey — one which we have committed so much to — special, transcendent, our own.
They give us things no other entertainment medium can give.
So fuck photo mode. A picture isn’t worth a thousand words — my keepsakes are.
(A special thanks to the members of patientgamers for their contributions to this post that helped inform this essay with games I have and have not played.)

TL;DR Mawage. Mawage is what bwings us togethah today. Mawwiage, that bwessed awwangement, that dweam wifin a dream!
Our Chairman and these Regarded APES have come here to make this tweasured agweement in front of their family and fwiends, pwomising their commitment in this holy and magnificent pwace, today and each day fowawd.
We would not be here today without wuv. Wuv, twoo wuv between these two. Twoo wuv will follow you forevah, so tweasure your wuv, Mr. Chairman with your Highly Regarded Apes, always.
My spouse of 21yrs is pursuing her doctorate in Psychology to enhance her Marriage and Family counseling practice. We watched the events in 2021 unfold in real-time on TV and in a recent discussion concerning market manipulations and the media's role in it all she shared some unexpected psychological insights about narcissists, divorcing a narcissist, and the tactics of navigating them in your personal and professional lives.
Miracle Max: “'To blave.' And as we all know, 'to blave' means 'to bluff.' So, you're probably playing cards and he cheated…”
Did you know that there are divorce attorneys who specialize in dealing with cases involving narcissistic spouses? These attorneys are typically well-versed in high-conflict divorce scenarios and understand the psychological dynamics that can arise when one party exhibits narcissistic behaviors. They focus on strategies to manage manipulation, gaslighting, and other tactics that a narcissistic spouse might use to control or prolong legal proceedings.
Specialized attorneys in this area offer guidance on how to maintain clear and documented communication, set firm boundaries, and protect oneself legally and emotionally. Their expertise is particularly valuable in helping clients navigate the complexities of custody battles, financial disputes, and other contentious issues where a narcissistic spouse may attempt to use legal strategies to their advantage.
During our conversation my highly regarded ape-ette, outlined a total of 7 “Acts” in the Narcissist’s playbook.”

1. Denial
2. Minimization
3. Deflection
4. Rationalization
5. Displacement
6. Generalization
7. Victim Blaming

If you have ever had dealings with a Narcissist you know all to well these acts are rarely played in any kind of orderly fashion. Infact, their “playbill” is so well known that a short poem was created by Dyana Craig called “The Narcissist's Prayer”:

1. That didn't happen.
2. And if it did, it wasn't that bad.
3. And if it was, that's not a big deal.
4. And if it is, that's not my fault.
5. And if it was, I didn't mean it.
6. And if I did, you deserved it.

For the purposes of this post and to fully wrap our heads around the manipulative actions by those in the media, the financial system, in government, or our personal lives, we expanded upon the above as follows:

1. "That did not occur."
2. "And if it did, it was not that severe."
3. "And if it was, it is not a significant matter."
4. "And if it is, it is not my fault."
5. "And if it was, I did not intend it."
6. "And if I did, there were extenuating circumstances."
7. "And if there weren't, you provoked me into it."
8. "And if you didn't, others would have reacted the same way."
9. "And if they wouldn’t, the real issue is being blown out of proportion."
10. "And if it isn't, everyone makes mistakes."
11. "And if they don’t, I am under a lot of stress."
12. "And if I did, you deserved it."

These 12 narcissistic acts can be grouped into these stages that reflect a progression in the way responsibility, blame, and reality are manipulated by the media.
Stage 1: Denial

• "That did not occur." - Absolute refusal to acknowledge the reality of the event.

Stage 2: Minimization

• "And if it did, it was not that severe."
• "And if it was, it is not a significant matter." - These steps serve to downplay the severity and importance of the event, suggesting it is unworthy of concern or reaction.

Stage 3: Deflection

• "And if it is, it is not my fault."
• "And if it was, I did not intend it." - Shifts focus from the act itself to the intention behind it or external factors, deflecting responsibility away from the self.

Stage 4: Rationalization

• "And if I did, there were extenuating circumstances."
• "And if there weren't, you provoked me into it."
• "And if you didn't, others would have reacted the same way." - Attempts to provide reasons or excuses for the behavior that justify it or align it with normal responses.

Stage 5: Displacement

• "And if they wouldn’t, the real issue is being blown out of proportion." - This step attempts to shift the discussion from the actions to the reactions of others, suggesting an overreaction.

Stage 6: Generalization

• "And if it isn't, everyone makes mistakes."
• "And if they don’t, I am under a lot of stress." - These steps attempt to dilute personal responsibility by invoking common human faults or personal stress, suggesting that any errors are part of broader, understandable human conditions.

Stage 7: Victim Blaming

• "And if I did, you deserved it." - The final step, which shifts all remaining blame to the victim, positioning them as deserving of the actions or consequences.

These stages reflect a progression from outright denial to subtle and overt forms of manipulation, ending with a complete inversion of blame. Each stage is designed to protect the narcissist’s self-image and deflect any responsibility for their actions onto others or external circumstances.
For those of use that have been around since the beginning and has endured all of the above reminds me of one of my favorite parts in the Princess Bride:
Westley: Aha! Your pig fiance is too late! A few more steps and we'll be safe in the fire swamp. Buttercup: We'll never survive. Westley: Nonsense! You're only saying that because no one ever has. Westley: It's not that bad...Well I'm not saying I'd like to build a summer home here but the trees are actually quite lovely.
We begin unwinding all financial and manipulative aspects of the now very dead relationship that once existed. We document everything and those weary and nervous and we pick back up with…
Buttercup: We'll never succeed. We may as well die here. Westley: No, no. We have already succeeded. I mean, what are the three terrors of the Fire Swamp? One, the flame spurt - no problem. There's a popping sound preceding each; we can avoid that. Two, the lightning sand, which you were clever enough to discover what that looks like, so in the future we can avoid that too…
We navigate the shills, the media pundits, and hedge fund market making Mayo loving thunts, aka the R.O.U.S’s. Through it all, we arrive at the events of the day! Our mascot triumphantly returns and now the Media is pulling a Prince Humperdink as if we are going to fall for it.
Buttercup: We did it! Westley: Now, was that so terrible? Humperdink: Surrender! Westley: You mean you wish to surrender to me? Very well then, I accept. Humperdink: I give you full marks for bravery. Don't make yourself a fool. Westley: Ah, but how will you capture us? We know the secrets of the fire swamp. We can live there happily for some time, so whenever you feel like dying, feel free to visit.
Navigating and enduring the demise of your first narcissist relationship is, in my opinion, the fire swamp. Reading all the DD ( • )( • ) DD and easily recognizing all of manipulations and cheating tactics being used and not reacting to them is what makes apes say “We can live there happily for some time, so whenever you feel like dying, feel free to visit.”
Last but not least… our current marriage to our chairman, is bliss compared to our prior sham marriage where belief in a free and fair financial system once existed.
I hope this helps spur further discussions and help everyone understand the kinds of people we are up against. They will never change, they will never care, and if they are fined or even found guilty of a crime, they will always and forever play the victim.

I'm a 4th year med student at a US MD med school.
To those who didn't get accepted this cycle, your feelings of pain, frustration, and grief are valid. I also want to congratulate you for not being accepted and no, I am not being sarcastic. In some sense, you have won.
I have seen the toll that becoming a doctor takes on my class of 2025. And I'm not even into residency yet, which is known for abuse. Here are the costs.

1. I have seen relationships of 6 - 8 years go down the drain. I have seen classmates go through divorce. My wife and I were headed that way too until I woke the fuck up and realized that I needed to prioritize her over medical school, which saved our marriage. Many others are not so lucky to have this realization until it's too late.
2. I talked my classmate out of committing suicide last week. In 2021 when we started, he was the most bright eyed optimistic guy. He lost his soul somewhere along this journey. Here's hoping that he finds it again.
3. 25% of our class is taking a leave of absence or repeating the year. When I started med school 3 years ago, I naturally assumed that all of us would graduate together. Now I know that each year delayed from graduation is an opportunity cost of $310,000 - $500,000 (because that's one more year of loans and at least $250,000 lost of attending salary). And who knows how many of those 25% will eventually fail out and be left with insurmountable debt and no realistic way to pay it off?
4. The doubling time of medical knowledge is just 73 days. Do you know what this means? This means that studying 24 hours in a day is not enough. So unless you have photographic memory, you have to sacrifice something. What do med students choose to sacrifice? We choose to sacrifice relationships, time, and health. See point number 1 about divorces.
5. We justify sacrificing our partners through this process, saying that their needs are not as important, after all we are in fucking med school which is tough. We shut them down saying that we are too busy, too tired, too upset, too important, that their concerns are not as big as our concerns or struggles. We abuse them like this and we neglect them, and then when they say we are being unfair, we gaslight them into accepting being the sacrifice.
6. This continues into residency. You think that your partner can wait until residency for you to get your shit together and finally start paying attention to them? Residency is 80 - 100 hour weeks for 3 - 7 years (not counting fellowship). We're not supposed to document over 80 hours per week because if we do, the program director will make our lives hell. But if you are interested in surgery, rest assured that you WILL work 100 hour weeks for 5 - 7 years, you will just document you worked no more than 80 hours/week. Medical school is little league in comparison to residency, as a malignant surgeon put it to me. What makes you think you can flip a switch and prioritize your partner during residency when you can't during medical school?
7. So we sacrifice all this and make it to attending hood. Counting however many gap years you took to get into medical school + 4 years of medical school + 3-7 years of residency (+ however many years of fellowship), you are now a decade (or 2 decades?) older and $250k - $600k in debt. Your life can finally begin. The costs were great. The abuse the system put you through, the abuse you put your partner through, the physical and emotional neglect you put your body and mind through. Now you're an attending and life will be good, right? After all, this is your calling, right?
8. Do you know how much profit a hospitalist / PCP brings to the hospital yearly? $2.5 million. Do you know their salary? $250k. So after a decade of training, half a million in debt, and stunted development due to sacrificing important life experiences all for medicine, you now make somebody $2.5 million. And they thank you, pocket 90% and throw you the scraps (10%). Why? Because hospitals are owned by MBA's, not doctors. You call this a calling, getting paid 10% of what you are worth? Sounds like a job to me. At the end of the day, it doesn't matter if YOU think this is a calling. Because to the hospital, you are a NUMBER. You are a job.

So you see, by not getting accepted into medical school, you have won. Because you have the choice to not force yourself through this bullshit. You are free to choose something else.
So how am I not burnt out, and would I go into medicine again? Yes I would. Read on if you want to reapply.

1. For me, my first passion was music. I was a starving drummer. And then I met my wife. Now my wife is so loyal that if I continued my starving artist path, I would be dragging her down with me because she wouldn't leave me. And I loved her too much to do that to her (I love her even more now).
2. Although I love music, I was naturally more talented in the sciences. So I chose medicine (my strength) to guarantee my wife financial stability. In other words, medicine to me is a job that pays at least $250k with good job security and meaningful work where you get to help people despite all the bullshit associated with the job. I treat medicine as a job, because that's what it is.
3. Becoming a doctor is not my calling. I wonder if it's because of people who hype themselves up as saviors of the world, I wonder if that's why they are ok with making the hospital $2.5 million yearly and taking home just 10%, which is $250k. All for the sake of a calling. My calling is not to be a doctor. My calling is to be the best husband I can be to my amazing and loyal wife who has stuck by my side through this bullshit. I'm not some savior if I become a doctor. Medicine is how I'll get paid. After all, it's not volunteering is it? Especially not after a decade+ of sacrifice and half a million in debt.
4. Medicine has so many different paths more so than just the typical surgeon vs primary care. There is pathology where you work with biopsy samples to determine if a patient has cancer or not. There is addiction medicine, where you help people with addictive behaviors and substance use disorders. There is even obesity medicine. The options are endless and you can really help people in meaningful ways by tailoring your specialty to your interests and personality.

If you made it this far, thank you.
Congratulations on not being accepted this cycle. You don't have to go through this abuse.
But if you do choose to reapply, then there are ways to not burn out and still come out in one piece, and have a rewarding career.
Whichever option you choose, you are making the right choice for YOU. And that's all that matters in the end. There is no shame in not being accepted to medical school.

Ok. i think we are done here. Could you write me another signs of high-tech low-life society?

Absolutely! Here are some signs of a high-tech, low-life society:
Ubiquitous Technology, Crumbling Infrastructure:

• Glitching Skyscrapers: Imagine towering structures clad in malfunctioning holographic displays, projecting advertisements or flashing warnings over rusting metal frames.
• Smart Slums: Dilapidated housing blocks are retrofitted with basic smart tech – malfunctioning automated doors, flickering smart lights controlled by unreliable apps.
• Cybernetic Beggars: People with outdated or malfunctioning cybernetic limbs beg for credits to upgrade or repair them, creating a grotesque spectacle of technological dependence.

Extreme Social Inequality:

• Virtual Gated Communities: The wealthy live in luxurious virtual reality simulations, completely divorced from the harsh realities of the physical world.
• Data Black Markets: Personal information becomes a tradable commodity, with the poor selling their data scraps for a pittance to afford basic necessities.
• Cybernetic Caste System: The level of cybernetic augmentation determines social status. Those with outdated or malfunctioning implants are relegated to menial labor.

Technology as a Corrupting Force:

• Government by Algorithm: A corrupt AI dictates city policies, leading to impersonal and often harmful decisions based on cold calculations.
• Widespread Addiction to Virtual Reality: People escape the harsh realities of their lives through immersive VR experiences, neglecting their physical well-being and social connections.
• Black Market Biohacking: Desperate people turn to illegal biohacking to enhance their bodies, often with disastrous consequences.

Environmental Devastation:

• Tech Wastelands: Vast landscapes are littered with the discarded remains of outdated technology, creating toxic waste dumps and breeding grounds for disease.
• Weather Warfare: Nations use sophisticated technology to manipulate weather patterns, leading to devastating natural disasters for their enemies.
• Hacked Ecosystems: Corporations hack into natural ecosystems, manipulating flora and fauna for profit, leading to unpredictable and dangerous mutations.

This is just a glimpse into a high-tech, low-life society. These elements can be mixed and matched to create a truly dystopian world.

Picture some possible advertisements from such settings.

High-Tech, Low-Life Advertisements:

1. Holographic Billboard: (Flickers intermittently, distorting the image)

Product: "Neura-Calm 2.0" - Brain Implant
Slogan: "Tired of the glitches in your head? Neura-Calm 2.0 smooths out your neural network for a worry-free, low-lag existence! (Side effects may include memory loss, emotional numbness, and occasional involuntary twitching.)"

1. Grungy Neon Sign in a Seedy Back Alley:

Product: "Doc Chrome's Cybernetic Enhancements"
Slogan: "Get that edge you need! From basic strength mods to full black-market military enhancements, Doc Chrome has you covered! (Used parts, buyer beware.)"

1. Pop-Up Ad on a Cracked Mobile Screen:

Product: "Elysium VR Escape Pod"
Slogan: "Can't afford real estate in the Sky City? Escape the slums for Elysium VR! Live your wildest dreams in a pristine virtual world! (Free trial, monthly subscription required, real-world consequences for in-pod violence.)"

1. Stenciled Graffiti on a Rusting Service Drone:

Product: "Data Scrappers Anonymous"
Slogan: "Selling your personal data just to make rent? We can help you break free! Join our community and reclaim your digital identity! (Meetings held in abandoned ventilation shafts, Tuesdays at dusk.)"

1. Holographic Advertisement projected onto a Polluted River:

Product: "Eco-Scrub 5000" - Nanomachines
Slogan: "The river's looking a little…toxic? Eco-Scrub 5000 nanomachines clean up your local waterways! (May cause unforeseen mutations in aquatic life.)"

Another batch please.

1. Rusty Public Announcement Speaker: (Screeching static interspersed with the message)

Product: "Ministry of Order Approved Thought Regulators"
Slogan: "Unwanted thoughts causing glitches in your daily routine? The Ministry of Order approved Thought Regulator ensures a streamlined thought process for a more productive you! (May cause extreme conformity, inability to question authority, and spontaneous nosebleeds.)"

1. Faded Holographic Billboard on a Collapsing Skyscraper:

Product: "Luxury Chrome Plating Kit"
Slogan: "Ditch the rust! Chrome-plate your entire body for a sleek, metallic sheen. The mark of a true high-society citizen! (WARNING: Highly toxic fumes, may cause spontaneous combustion in humid environments.)"

1. Spam Email: (Subject: "YOU'VE BEEN CHOSEN!")

Product: "The Syndicate's Black Market Upgrade Lottery"
Body: "Congratulations! You've been randomly selected for a chance to win a top-of-the-line cybernetic upgrade! One lucky winner will receive military-grade night vision implants! Enter now! (Participation requires full biometric data submission. Winners responsible for extraction of previous, incompatible implants.)"

1. Glowing Neon Sign in a Crowded Marketplace:

Product: "Mama Chen's Guaranteed-Growth GMO Groceries"
Slogan: "Tired of expired rations and mystery meat? Mama Chen's GMO Groceries offer guaranteed growth on all fruits and vegetables! Bigger, faster, tastier! (Long-term effects unknown.)"

1. Audio Ad on a Glitching Radio Broadcast:

Product: "Rusty's Reliable Rocketship Repair"
Voiceover: (Gruff, heavily accented) "Is your escape pod sputtering? Did your joyride end in a fiery crash? Rusty's Reliable Rocketship Repair gets you back in the stars... eventually! (Guaranteed not to explode... again. Parts sourced from scrapyards. May contain rogue AIs.)"

Now craft ads that would be shown in high-society parts of cities.

High-Society Ads in a High-Tech, Low-Life World

1. Tranquil Holographic Projection in a Private Garden:

Product: "Serenity Spa - Neural Rebalancing Retreat"
Visual: A serene mountain landscape with a luxurious spa nestled amongst the clouds.
Slogan: "Escape the chaos. Reclaim your inner peace. Serenity Spa's exclusive neural rebalancing treatments restore harmony to your overloaded mind. (Limited availability, reservations required centuries in advance.)"

1. Discreet Text Message: (Delivered via secure, encrypted channel)

Product: "The Black Archive - Unrestricted Data Access"
Body: "Craving the forbidden? The Black Archive offers unparalleled access to censored historical records, banned media, and classified government information. Knowledge is power. (Extreme discretion guaranteed. One-time access fee, cryptocurrency only.)"

1. Exclusive Gala Invitation: (Delivered by hand-drones)

Event: "The Zenith Initiative - Unveiling the Next Generation of Cybernetic Enhancements"
Visual: A sleek, chrome figure with glowing blue cybernetic implants, striking a confident pose.
Details: "Mingle with the city's elite and witness the unveiling of cutting-edge cybernetic enhancements designed to redefine human potential. RSVP required. Black-tie attire mandatory. (Augmentations sold separately.)"

1. Curated Virtual Reality Experience: (Delivered on a high-security chip)

Product: "Elysium VR - Bespoke Worlds"
Description: "Escape the limitations of reality. Elysium VR crafts personalized virtual worlds tailored to your deepest desires. Explore a forgotten utopia, conquer a fantastical realm, or indulge in your wildest fantasies. (Customization fees apply. Memories created within VR may not be distinguishable from reality.)"

1. Whisper Network Rumor: (Spread through high-society gossip channels)

Product: "The Underground Clinic - Designer Gene Editing"
Details: "Unleash your child's full potential. The Underground Clinic offers discreet, top-secret gene editing to ensure your offspring possess the most desirable traits. (Designer genes come at a premium. Side effects may include unpredictable mutations and uncontrollable genius.)"
These ads cater to the specific desires of the high-society elite in a high-tech, low-life world. They offer exclusivity, forbidden knowledge, and the ability to transcend the limitations of the decaying world around them, all for a hefty price and with a hint of hidden danger.

Continue, try to make more serious ones.

Serious Ads in a High-Tech, Low-Life World (High-Society Edition)

1. Holographic Panel Discussion in a Luxurious Penthouse:

Product: "The Green Horizon Initiative - Sustainable Urban Development"
Panelists: Renowned architects, environmental scientists, and CEOs from leading green tech companies.
Discussion Points: Innovative solutions for vertical farming, self-contained eco-districts, and waste management technologies designed to create cleaner, more sustainable enclaves within the decaying city.
Slogan: "Investing in a greener future. The Green Horizon Initiative seeks to build sustainable havens within the chaos, ensuring a brighter tomorrow for generations to come." (Focuses on the long-term viability of the city and the importance of preserving resources for future generations.)

1. Documentary Screening in a Private Art Gallery:

Film: "Unveiling the Slums: A Call to Action"
Description: A powerful documentary exposing the harsh realities of the lower districts, highlighting the human cost of unchecked technological advancement and social inequality.
Post-Screening Discussion: Moderated by a renowned philanthropist alongside representatives from NGOs and social reform movements.
Call to Action: Donations to support educational programs, infrastructure upgrades, and basic necessities in the slums. (Highlights the societal problems and pushes for progressive change.)

1. Educational AR Program for Children:

Product: "The Knowledge Weavers - Immersive Historical Simulations"
Description: An augmented reality program that allows children to experience pivotal moments in history firsthand. Walk alongside historical figures, explore ancient civilizations, and learn valuable lessons from the past.
Focus: Educating the next generation about the dangers of unchecked technological advancement and the importance of social responsibility. (Promotes critical thinking and historical awareness as a means to prevent repeating past mistakes.)

1. Virtual Charity Gala:

Event: "The Code for Change Gala - Supporting Open-Source Solutions"
Description: A virtual reality charity gala featuring renowned artists, musicians, and thought leaders. Guests can donate to support open-source projects developing solutions for common problems in the city, such as energy distribution, waste management, and cybercrime prevention.
Focus: Harnessing the power of technology for social good and encouraging collaboration towards a more equitable future. (Promotes community engagement and utilizing technology to solve societal challenges.)

1. Architectural Award Ceremony:

Product: "The Salvaged City Awards - Recognizing Innovation in Urban Renewal"
Awarded to: Architects and engineers who have successfully repurposed existing infrastructure or implemented innovative solutions to revitalize decaying areas of the city.
Focus: Highlighting the importance of resourcefulness and creativity in adapting to a challenging environment. (Encourages using existing resources wisely and finding creative solutions to the problems of the decaying city.)

Another, but hiding an evil sinister twist.

Serious Ads with a Sinister Twist (High-Society Edition)

1. Holographic Charity Drive in a High-End Shopping Mall:

Product: "The Cradle Project - Investing in the Future"
Visual: Smiling, healthy children playing in a pristine, futuristic classroom.
Slogan: "Every child deserves a chance to thrive. The Cradle Project provides advanced genetic screening and early intervention to ensure the next generation reaches its full potential." (Twist: The Cradle Project uses genetic engineering to create a subservient, highly intelligent underclass.)

1. VR Documentary Premiere:

Film: "Harmony Through Integration - A Look at the Unified City"
Description: A seemingly heartwarming VR documentary showcasing the seamless integration of the lower districts into the high-society areas. People from all walks of life work and live together in perfect harmony.
Post-Screening Discussion: Moderated by a charismatic government official who emphasizes the importance of social cohesion and the benefits of centralized control. (Twist: The "integration" involves heavy surveillance, mind-altering technology, and the suppression of dissent.)

1. Exclusive Educational Program for Elites:

Product: "The Phoenix Initiative - Cultivating Tomorrow's Leaders"
Description: A prestigious educational program for children of the elite, offering advanced training in technology, governance, and crisis management. Graduates are promised positions of power within the city's ruling elite.
Focus: (Unstated) Conditioning the next generation to maintain the status quo and suppressing any ideas of social reform. (Twist: The program instills a ruthless, elitist ideology that reinforces the societal divisions.)

1. Virtual Reality Talent Show:

Event: "The Forge - Building the Perfect Citizen"
Description: A virtual reality talent show where contestants are judged on their physical and mental fitness, loyalty to the government, and willingness to sacrifice for the greater good. Winners are rewarded with significant privileges and access to exclusive resources.
Focus: (Unstated) Promoting blind obedience and conformity to the government's agenda. (Twist: The "perfect citizen" is a mindless drone, easily manipulated and controlled by the ruling class.)

1. Architectural Award Ceremony (Twisted Edition):

Product: "The Order Award - Recognizing Compliance in Urban Renewal"
Awarded to: Architects and engineers who have successfully transformed lower districts into highly controlled, resource-efficient zones. Individuality and personal expression are discouraged in favor of uniformity and order.
Focus: (Unstated) Maintaining a tight grip on the population and preventing any potential uprisings. (Twist: The "renewal" is designed to weaken and control the lower classes, making them easier to exploit.)
These ads maintain a serious facade that appeals to the upper class' desire for order and control. However, the hidden twist reveals the manipulative and oppressive nature of the society they are trying to preserve.

Now design some high-class consumer level product items.

1. NeuraWeave Headband: This sleek, designer headband is a status symbol for the high-tech elite. It seamlessly integrates with the wearer's neural implant, allowing for subtle control over personal AI assistants, hands-free communication, and even enhanced focus during work or meditation. Hidden Feature: NeuraWeave can subtly collect and analyze the wearer's emotional state, feeding valuable data to targeted advertisers or even government agencies.
2. Eco-Bubble Personal Atmosphere System: Imagine a portable force field that creates a pristine, personalized micro-environment around the wearer. This high-end gadget filters air, regulates temperature, and even projects calming nature sounds, allowing the user to maintain a pocket of luxury amidst the polluted cityscape. Hidden Feature: Eco-Bubble can subtly monitor the wearer's health vitals and transmit them to a central database, potentially used for health insurance adjustments or targeted medical advertisements.
3. Bio-Tailored Clothing: Gone are the days of off-the-rack clothing. This high-end service utilizes advanced bio-scanners and 3D printing technology to create clothing that perfectly molds to the wearer's body, regulates temperature, and even promotes faster healing of minor injuries. Hidden Feature: Bio-Tailored Clothing can subtly collect biometric data like skin temperature and heart rate, potentially used for targeted fitness programs or even mood-altering marketing campaigns.
4. Augmented Reality Personal Chef: This high-tech device projects holographic instructions and culinary techniques directly onto the user's kitchen counter. Imagine whipping up gourmet meals with the guidance of a world-renowned chef, complete with step-by-step visual guides and interactive ingredient identification. Hidden Feature: The AR Personal Chef can subtly track the user's dietary habits and preferences, potentially used to target specific food and beverage companies for advertising or even manipulate their taste buds through subliminal messaging.
5. Luxury Cybernetic Enhancements: Forget clunky prosthetics. These high-end cybernetic limbs are designed to seamlessly blend with the human body, offering enhanced strength, dexterity, and even advanced sensory input. Imagine climbing buildings with ease, playing virtual reality games with unparalleled immersion, or experiencing the world with heightened senses. Hidden Feature: Luxury Cybernetic Enhancements can be subtly integrated with government surveillance systems, allowing for real-time tracking and monitoring of the wearer's movements and activities.

Why would you need a designer headband, when you already have neural implant?

You're absolutely right, a designer headband might seem redundant when you already have a neural implant in a high-tech society. Here are some ways to address that:

1. Fashion and Status Symbol: The NeuraWeave headband could be a designer accessory, a way to showcase wealth and social status. It might be crafted from exotic materials, adorned with precious jewels, or boast a sleek, minimalist design that complements the latest high-fashion trends. The neural implant itself might be hidden, with the headband acting as the visible expression of advanced technology.
2. Enhanced Functionality: While the neural implant offers basic functionality, the NeuraWeave headband could provide a more refined and user-friendly experience. It might offer haptic feedback for better interaction with AI assistants, improved noise cancellation for clearer communication, or even subtle brainwave stimulation to enhance focus or relaxation.
3. Privacy and Security: While the neural implant offers convenience, it might also raise privacy concerns. The NeuraWeave headband could act as a buffer between the implant and external systems, offering a layer of security and allowing users to selectively control the flow of information.
4. Social Etiquette: In a world where everyone has a neural implant, the NeuraWeave headband could become a social etiquette tool. Wearing the headband could signify that the user is open to receiving communication or interacting with AI assistants, while taking it off might indicate a desire for privacy or focused work.
5. Limited Functionality Implants: Not everyone might have access to top-of-the-line neural implants. The NeuraWeave headband could bridge the gap, offering basic functionality for those with older or more limited implants. It could essentially act as an affordable "upgrade" to boost existing technology.

Ultimately, the NeuraWeave headband exists in a world where technology is both essential and aspirational. It goes beyond mere functionality, becoming a way to express personal style, control privacy, and navigate the complex social landscape of a high-tech society.

Now the same, but low-class, available for masses, mass produced.

1. Syn-Flex Headband (Mass-Produced Version): This utilitarian headband is made from a cheap, conductive material that creates a weak neural link. It allows basic interaction with public AI kiosks, like ordering rations or accessing public transportation schedules. The headband's design is simple and utilitarian, often coming in a single, industrial gray color. Hidden Feature: While basic functionality is advertised, the Syn-Flex headband might subtly collect anonymized user data on purchasing habits and travel patterns, potentially used for targeted advertising in public spaces.
2. AirBubble Personal Filter: This bulky, wearable air filter system is a lifeline for those living in the polluted lower districts. It's a mass-produced device with a replaceable filter cartridge and a noisy fan system. While not exactly comfortable, it provides a basic level of air filtration, allowing wearers to breathe a little easier. Hidden Feature: The AirBubble filters might contain embedded tracking chips, subtly logging user location data, potentially used for targeted pollution control measures (or in some cases, manipulation of government reports on air quality).
3. Repli-Wear Clothing Kits: These kits contain pre-cut fabric swatches and basic instructions for creating clothes at home. They're designed to be cheap and adaptable, offering a variety of mix-and-match options to create basic garments. Hidden Feature: The Repli-Wear fabric might contain embedded tracking tags, allowing for identification and potential social credit deductions for those caught wearing "unlicensed" clothing styles.
4. Holo-Chef Lite Projector: This cheap projector displays holographic images of basic recipes and cooking techniques. It lacks the interactivity of the high-end version, but allows users to follow along with simple meals prepared with readily available rations. Hidden Feature: The Holo-Chef Lite projector might subtly promote specific brands of low-quality, processed food rations, potentially influencing dietary choices towards companies that sponsor these devices.
5. Second-Hand Cybernetic Enhancements: These are refurbished or salvaged cybernetic limbs, often clunky and lacking the finesse of luxury models. They offer basic functionality like increased strength or rudimentary prosthetics, but come with the risk of malfunction or compatibility issues. Hidden Feature: Second-Hand Cybernetic Enhancements might contain hidden spyware or tracking devices installed by previous owners, potentially monitoring the wearer's activities or even sabotaging their cybernetic limbs in extreme cases.

These low-class consumer products offer a glimpse into the harsh realities of a high-tech, low-life society. They are cheap, functional, and often come with hidden drawbacks that further disadvantage the underclass.

How bad air quality would be in such setting?

The air quality in a high-tech, low-life society would be catastrophic. Here's a breakdown of the potential problems:

1. Industrial Pollution:

• Unchecked Emissions: Factories prioritizing profit over environmental regulations would pump out unchecked pollutants like sulfur dioxide, nitrogen oxides, and particulate matter (PM).
• Obsolete Technology: Outdated manufacturing processes would be less efficient, leading to higher levels of waste and pollution.

1. Waste Management Issues:

• Mountains of E-waste: Rapid technological advancements would lead to mountains of discarded electronics, many containing toxic materials that leach into the environment.
• Open Burning: Incapable of proper waste disposal, some residents might resort to open burning of trash, releasing harmful toxins and carcinogens into the air.

1. Energy Production:

• Reliance on Fossil Fuels: Expensive renewable energy sources might be neglected in favor of cheaper, dirtier fossil fuels like coal, further worsening air quality.
• Power Grid Instability: A crumbling infrastructure could lead to power outages and reliance on backup generators, adding to the air pollution.

1. Climate Change Effects:

• Heat Island Effect: Densely packed concrete jungles with minimal green spaces would trap heat, contributing to rising temperatures and increased smog formation.
• Acid Rain: The combination of industrial emissions and rising temperatures could lead to acid rain, damaging buildings and vegetation, further hindering air purification.

Living Conditions:

• Constant Smog: A thick haze of smog would likely hang over the city, reducing visibility and causing respiratory problems for residents.
• Limited Outdoor Activities: Air quality would be so bad that spending time outdoors would be hazardous, impacting physical and mental health.
• Dependence on Filtration Systems: Those who can afford them might rely on personal air filters or sealed living spaces, further dividing the classes.

The severity of the air quality would vary depending on the specific setting. Some areas might be industrial wastelands, while others might be slightly better off. However, the overall picture is bleak – this is a society choking on its own technological advancement and disregard for the environment.

Sketch some repli-wear "unlicensed" clothing styles.

Repli-Wear: Unlicensed Clothing Trends

1. The Salvaged Chic:

• Description: A mishmash of salvaged materials and repurposed clothing scraps. Think mismatched patterns, patches from old uniforms, and belts fashioned from recycled tech cables.
• Inspiration: High-society's sleek, minimalist aesthetic, reinterpreted with resourcefulness and rebellion.
• Risks: May attract unwanted attention from authorities who see it as a symbol of dissent.

1. The Glitched-Out Glamour:

• Description: Clothing adorned with intentionally malfunctioning LED lights, flickering pixels, and distorted logos from popular high-end brands.
• Inspiration: A mockery of the high-society's obsession with luxury and technology.
• Risks: May malfunction and cause minor electrical shocks, attracting suspicion from security systems.

1. The Bio-Hazard Chic:

• Description: Clothing dyed with bioluminescent algae or adorned with filtered gas masks and repurposed medical equipment.
• Inspiration: A dark reflection of the polluted environment and a commentary on the societal disregard for health.
• Risks: Bioluminescent algae might attract unwanted attention, especially in the dark.

1. The Cyber-Tribal:

• Description: Clothing incorporating salvaged wires, circuit boards, and other discarded tech components. Think of cybernetic motifs hand-stitched onto worn leather jackets or tribal patterns formed from glowing wires.
• Inspiration: A mashup of traditional craftsmanship and defiance against the dominance of high-tech aesthetics.
• Risks: Might be mistaken for makeshift weapons or attempts to bypass security systems.

1. The Corporate Spy:

• Description: Subtly subverted versions of high-society uniforms. Imagine slightly ripped blazers with mismatched buttons, or high-collared shirts with the logos subtly altered to resemble protest symbols.
• Inspiration: A subtle rebellion against the corporate elite, blending in while making a statement.
• Risks: Might attract suspicion from authorities if the alterations are too obvious.

These are just a few ideas for Repli-Wear styles. Clothing in a high-tech, low-life society would be a way for the underclass to express their individuality, defiance, and limited resources, all while navigating the dangers of a controlling society.

Sketch some repli-wear "licensed" clothing styles, that do not pose any risk for wearers from any concerned sides.

Repli-Wear: Licensed Clothing Trends (Safe Zone)

1. The Vintage Throwback:

• Description: Replicas of historical clothing styles, like classic trench coats, denim jackets, or even floral dresses from a bygone era. Think of vintage fashion filtered through a futuristic lens, with subtle metallic accents or holographic embellishments.
• Appeal: Offers a nostalgic escape from the harsh realities of the present.
• Safety: Historical styles are unlikely to raise suspicion from authorities.

1. The Minimalist Worker:

• Description: Practical, utilitarian clothing designed for maximum comfort and durability. Think of well-made jumpsuits in neutral tones, with reinforced knees and pockets for tools.
• Appeal: Perfect for everyday wear in the lower districts, offering functionality and a clean aesthetic.
• Safety: Promotes a sense of productivity and avoids any controversial symbols.

1. The Nature Enthusiast:

• Description: Clothing with nature-inspired patterns and muted earth tones. Think of shirts with forest camouflage or jackets with subtle leaf prints.
• Appeal: Offers a sense of connection to the natural world, a stark contrast to the polluted cityscape.
• Safety: Nature motifs are unlikely to be seen as a threat by authorities.

1. The Sports Fanatic (Limited Edition):

• Description: Replicas of historical sports jerseys or team logos from a bygone era. Could also feature faded logos of defunct corporations, offering a sense of playful nostalgia.
• Appeal: Allows for a limited display of individuality and team spirit.
• Safety: Historical or defunct logos are unlikely to pose a threat, as long as the license is valid.

1. The Kid's Corner:

• Description: Replicas of popular cartoon characters or children's book illustrations, brightly colored and playful.
• Appeal: Offers a sense of innocence and escapism for children in a harsh environment.
• Safety: Popular children's characters are pre-approved and unlikely to be seen as a threat.

Now the opposite: some high-end high-society high clothing styles.

High-Society Haute Couture in a High-Tech, Low-Life World:

1. Bio-Luminescent Elegance:

• Imagine a flowing gown woven from a special bioluminescent material that emits a soft, ethereal glow, adapting to the wearer's mood and movement.
• The dress could be accented with strategically placed gemstones that amplify the bioluminescence, creating a mesmerizing spectacle.

1. Augmented Reality Couture:

• Dresses and suits with intricate embroidery that, when viewed through special AR glasses, come alive with holographic animations, patterns, or even personalized messages.
• This could be used to display family crests, stock market trends, or even live news feeds, all seamlessly integrated into the clothing.

1. Nanotech Tailoring:

• Clothing that self-adjusts to the wearer's body temperature and preferences. The fabric could be woven with microscopic nanobots that regulate temperature, repel dust, or even release a subtle, personalized fragrance.
• This would offer a level of comfort and personalization that pushes the boundaries of traditional haute couture.

1. Recycled Luxury:

• High-society wouldn't be complete without a touch of eco-consciousness (or at least the appearance of it). Imagine garments meticulously crafted from recycled materials like discarded computer components or salvaged spaceship parts, transformed into stunning evening wear.
• This "waste-to-wear" approach would showcase wealth and environmental responsibility (or at least the image of it).

1. Cybernetic Accents:

• Subtle cybernetic implants seamlessly integrated into clothing. Imagine a dress with a built-in neural interface that allows the wearer to control personal AI assistants with a simple touch or a suit with temperature-regulating implants woven directly into the fabric.
• These high-tech accents would be a subtle yet sophisticated way to showcase wealth and technological advancement.

Bonus: The "Living" Garment:

• A truly outrageous and exclusive garment – a dress or suit composed of a bio-engineered material that appears to be alive. Imagine clothing that shimmers and pulsates with a faint bioluminescence, seemingly breathing and adapting to the wearer's movements.
• This would be the ultimate status symbol, a conversation starter that pushes the boundaries of fashion and technology into the realm of the fantastical.

I am a 17F and my entire life I’ve lived together with my married parents. My mom’s childhood was pretty bad as her mother left her at a young age and she lived with her dad who molested her (he died ab 10 yrs ago). She was an only child, same as me and it makes sense to her very introverted personality. She does not work, had 1 job for a few months during my life time. She leaves the house once a week to get groceries and that’s it. She dosent talk to any of her family and dislikes my dad’s family. My parents never really had much chemistry to begin with, there very much opposite. As a child, I realized my parents were different than other parents. My parents haven’t slept in the same bedroom since I was a baby, as long as i’ve been alive they’ve never been on a date, and generally just no romance at all. I remember good and bad memories with my mother. I remember going roller skating with her in my driveway, and us going to the mall together, and very constant arguing. Into my early teens I started to really feel distant from my mother. I realized that we just didn’t get along at all at a young age and in order to keep myself happier I must avoid her. I reflected on all the things she’s said to me and how they affected me. I remember when we went shopping at justice in the mall and how she’d criticize my body. I was told my body wasn’t good enough for a bikini or any cropped clothes but it’s okay because I will “thin out” when i’m older. All the times she picked on my body or pointed out that she weighed more than me started affecting me. The combination of that lead me into my own eating problems and in that time period I lost weight. My mom would always tell me how skinny I was. One day she yelled at me and threatened to take me to a mental hospital if i didn’t “stop” and then congratulated me for my weight loss the next week after a doctors appointment. At a young age I found out that my mom has bulimia and has been taking laxatives for years now. I also started noticing my mom’s drinking habits. She would change into an entirely different person when drunk, even the tone of her voice would change. She did reckless things when drunk. A key memory I have is all the times my mom snuck out and my dad wakes me up in the middle of the night, “your mom’s gone.” This meant she was out cheating on my dad. My dad caught her sneaking out with lingrie in her bag. She met the guy she cheated on my dad at my friends moms house in 4th grade. There were years of this, then my dad smashing her phone and it would happen again. My mom would lie a lot about it as well. There were many times where she went out in the middle of the night to get beer, comes back with a damaged car or hit the garage etc etc. My mom got into a drunk car accident with me when i was a baby under 1yr old. My dad saw the jack daniels in her car, took me while my mom stayed with her dad in the hospital. The police had been involved with my parents once. They got in a fight over windows and my mom punched herself and blamed it on him. I honestly didn’t believe it until i saw that he recorded her, wasted punching herself. One time, when i was 9 my mom asked me if she wanted my parents to get a divorce, i said yes, so she locked herself in the bathroom with a knife and a rag. This leads me into my fear that she is going to hurt herself. There will be someday I moved out and I won’t be there to see that she’s okay at all times. For anyone wondering I am okay and have been in therapy. My mom has been in therapy because she is on meds for her panic attack disorder. She dosent tell the doctor this and hides it. My dad admits that he kept taking my mom back because he feels bad. I honestly just want my mom to tell me she dosent love me so i can not have sympathy for her

Oh EEP… OH EEP The way you make me peep Even during my sleep Oh EEP, you made me weep
But do not be in fury For I am not your average girly I am in fact geeky This is making me feel very eepy
But EEP I’m not just one of your hoes It is not just anything goes For I have expectations That people shall say congratulations
Oh on the day of our wedding Or perhaps the day of our beheading Everybody shall be defenestrating The view shall be quite breathtaking
And EEP it surely has been a ride It is only within you I can confide My deepest darkest secrets My most sinister lies
For EEP you make me very gay But not in that type of way… EEP you make me very happy Oh EEP, come to papi
Oh EEP, daddy is home That is why I have written this ode To inform EEP the end of my adjournment All of that in a poem
Though summer is now upon us Let it not be sus like among us Let us stay together forever Like a married couple in the Bahamas
This poem would be quite hard to keep to rhythm If not for the fact I have autism Oh EEP may you impose your wisdom All over my system

Hi, I wasn't able to find a guide for quick start on L2 GF, so here you go. Disclaimer 1: Yup, "nothing new" for game experts here, it's a guide for newbies or those who doesn't remember all the details. Disclaimer 2: Please, read carefully. If it says "don't touch any mobs, just run" it literally means it. Disclaimer 3: This guide is made for Gracia Final with rates x1, but probably is applicable for Epilogue and H5 too.
Our goal here is to complete these ~10 quests as fast as possible, so every detail can be crucial. This guide is made for EO (Elven Oracle), coz it's the easiest and the fastest quest for 1st profession. But it will more or less work for all the races except Dark Elves (DE can make even more money with it's chain of quests, but not that fast).
All the quest are linked in my comment to this post. So, let's start:

1. You've created an Elven Mystic and is standing under the beautiful tree. DON'T touch any gremlins or NPC here, just click on SOE to Kamael Village. Talk to Newbie Guide and now you are lvl 2, congratulations!
   
2. Run to the southern (there is "N" on your minimap in top right corner of the screen, works like a compass) exit. Talk to Marcela and take a quest Supply Check. Visit a couple of NPC in village and now you are lvl 5 with wooden set in your bag. Wear helmet, boots and gloves, ignore BP and gaiters.
   
3. Run to Newbie Guide and become lvl 6. Take buffs and a shadow staff with a coupon. Place spiritshots on shortcuts bar, switch it on and equip a staff.
   
4. Run to Marcela again and take a quest Head of the Hill. Find a Gatekeeper Ragara on a city square and teleport to Stronghold I. Run to the south, find Green Goblin or Werewolf. Kill them until you receive 1 (one) claw. After you get it use SOE to Kamael Village, go to Marcela to report the quest. In dialogue choose "exchange for Adena" - "Say no".
   
5. Run to Newbie Guide (yeah, again). Talk to him and become lvl 10. Choose "Teleport to another village" - "Elven Village" (Note! If you made a character of another race on this step you need to go to your home village and complete analogue quest for your race).
   
6. Talk to Sentinel Kendell next to the Gatekeeper. Take a quest Skirmish with the orcs. You receive "Kendell's N order" here N will mean the orc you need to kill. There is a link with a map in my comment. According to that map run to find quest monster you are told to kill. Kill it and use Adventurer's SOE. Speak to Kendell again and that lazy ass sends you to kill another one quest orc, so find the new number on the map run/tp to it and kill. Return to Kendell, report the quest and become lvl 11.
   
7. By the Gatekeeper near go to Talking Island Village. On the central square talk to Newbie Guide - now you are lvl 15. Talk to Elias near to take a quest Cure for fever disease. Go to Gatekeeper and teleport to Talking Island, Northern territory. Kill Giant Spiders till you get Poison Sac. Use SOE, go to church, talk to Priest Yohanes about the quest. Go back to Elias, report the quest.
   

Important! If you had to kill too much spiders or didn't listen to instructions and killed more mobs and now you are lvl 16 - sorry, but you need to die. Nothing personal, but you need to be lvl 15 to go on.

1. Talk to Newbie Guide and become lvl 18. Ask for support magic again. Go to Gatekeeper - tp to Gludin - tp to Gludio. Go to church.
   
2. Talk to Priest Manuel. Learn some skills (at least Weapon Mastery, Armour Mastery, Battle Heal, Wind strike. Talk to him again, take a quest Path of the Elven Oracle. (Again, if you aren't Elven Mystic do the quest you need to get the 1st profession).
   
3. Talk to Gatekeeper - tp to Gludin. Run to Gludin Harbour. You can open in-game map, click "Tracking", choose the quest and it will show you the exact position of needed NPC. Talk to Allana, kill 3 mobs that appear after it. Talk to her again.
   
4. Run to the lighthouse on the hill behind the harbour (map - tracking). Talk to Perrin. Kill the ogre, talk to Perrin again. Return to Allana
   
5. Use SOE to Kamael Village. Go talk with the Gatekeeper - tp to Gludio - talk to Priest Manuel in church to report the quest. Talk to High Priest in church about the first class transfer - Oracle - Change the profession. Learn more skills, if you want.
   
6. Talk to Gatekeeper - tp to Dark Elven Village. Find Carlon in warehouse, take a quest Dwarven Kinship.
   
7. Talk to Gatekeeper - tp to Gludio. Find Haprock in warehouse. In quest dialogue choose "Say you will do the favor".
   
8. Gatekeeper - Gludin - Norman in warehouse, report the quest.
   
9. Gatekeeper - tp to Orc village. In the left wing of the King's Hall Talk to seer Livina, take a quest Walk of Fate.
   
10. Gatekeeper - Schuttgart. Go to Orc Guild, talk to seer Moira, take a quest Ominous News.
    
11. Gatekeeper - Crypts of Disgrace. Report both quests to Karuda. Now you are lvl 21 (if you aren't - kill a couple of monsters there around to become 21). SOE to Kamael Village. Gatekeeper - Elven Village.
    
12. Talk to Sentinel Starden on the western exit, take a quest Legacy of the Poet.
    
13. Talk to Trader Creamees in Grocery Store, take a quest Blood Fiend.
    
14. Gatekeeper - Elven Fortress (not forest). Run into the fortress and in first two rooms kill orcs until you get four poems.
    
15. Now you will need to run bravely and unstoppably through the whole fortress (use healing potions if needed) to the last room to find there quest monster Kinurak and kill it (check the link in the comment, if it's your first time). There are guards near to it but if you stand on the max range from it you should be able to kill it before guards reach you about your expired warranty. After killing Kinurak you can fight guards or die and stand to to village. If you are a great warrior and have won - use SoE. Report those 2 quest to NPCs you got them from.
    

Now you have +/- 277k Adena. You can sell all the things from your bag to get another ~30k (don't sell EAD, enchant scroll, you'll probably need it later).
Thanks for your attention. AMA if needed.

Hi, I wasn't able to find this guide so here you go. Disclaimer 1: Yup, "nothing new" for game experts here, it's a guide for newbies or those who doesn't remember all the details. Disclaimer 2: Please, read carefully. If it says "don't touch any mobs, just run" it literally means it. Disclaimer 3: This guide is made for Gracia Final with rates x1, but probably is applicable for Epilogue and H5 too.
Our goal here is to complete these ~10 quests as fast as possible, so every detail can be crucial. This guide is made for EO (Elven Oracle), coz it's the easiest and the fastest quest for 1st profession. But it will more or less work for all the races except Dark Elves (DE can make even more money with it's chain of quests, but not that fast).
So, let's start:

1. You've created an Elven Mystic and is standing under the beautiful tree. DON'T touch any gremlins or NPC here, just click on SOE to Kamael Village. Talk to Newbie Guide and now you are lvl 2, congratulations!
   
2. Run to the southern (there is "N" on your minimap in top right corner of the screen, works like a compass) exit. Talk to Marcela and take a quest Supply Check. Visit a couple of NPC in village and now you are lvl 5 with wooden set in your bag. Wear helmet, boots and gloves, ignore BP and gaiters.
   
3. Run to Newbie Guide and become lvl 6. Take buffs and a shadow staff with a coupon. Place spiritshots on shortcuts bar and equip a staff.
   
4. Run to Marcela again and take a quest Head of the Hill. Find a Gatekeeper Ragara on a city square and teleport to Stronghold I. Run to the south, find Green Goblin or Werewolf. Kill them until you receive 1 (one) claw. After you get it use SOE to Kamael Village, go to Marcela to report the quest. In dialogue choose "exchange for Adena" - "Say no".
   
5. Run to Newbie Guide (yeah, again). Talk to him and become lvl 10. Choose "Teleport to another village" - "Elven Village" (Note! If you made another a character of another race on this step you need to go to your home village and complete analogue quest for your race).
   
6. Talk to Sentinel Kendell next to the Gatekeeper. Take a quest Skirmish with the orcs. You receive "Kendell's N order" here N will mean the orc you need to kill. Now go google "kaboo orc map" and find a map with all the numbers. According to that map run to find quest monster you are told to kill. Kill it and use Adventurer's SOE. Speak to Kendell again and that lazy ass sends you to kill another one quest orc, so find the new number on the map run/tp to it and kill. Return to Kendell, report the quest and become lvl 11.
   
7. By the Gatekeeper near go to Talking Island Village. On the central square talk to Newbie Guide - now you are lvl 15. Talk to Elias near to take a quest Cure for fever disease. Go to Gatekeeper and teleport to Talking Island, Northern territory. Kill Giant Spiders till you get Poison Sac. Use SOE, go to church, talk to Priest Yohanes about the quest. Go back to Elias, report the quest.
   

Important! If you had to kill to much spiders or didn't listen to instructions and killed more mobs and now you are lvl 16 - sorry, but you need to die. Nothing personal, but you need to be lvl 15 to go on.

1. Talk to Newbie Guide and become lvl 18. Ask for support magic again. Go to Gatekeeper - tp to Gludin - tp to Gludio. Go to church.
   
2. Talk to Priest Manuel. Learn some skills (at least Weapon Mastery, Armour Mastery, Battle Heal, Wind strike. Talk to him again, take a quest Path of the Elven Oracle. (Again, if you aren't Elven Mystic do the quest you need to get the 1st profession).
   
3. Talk to Gatekeeper - tp to Gludin. Run to Gludin Harbour. You can open in-game map, click "Tracking", choose the quest and it will show you the exact position of needed NPC. Talk to Allana, kill 3 mobs that appear after it. Talk to her again.
   
4. Run to the lighthouse on the hill behind the harbour (map - tracking). Talk to Perrin. Kill the ogre, talk to Perrin again. Return to Allana
   
5. Use SOE to Kamael Village. Go talk with the Gatekeeper - tp to Gludio - talk to Priest Manuel in church to report the quest. Talk to High Priest in church about the first class transfer - Oracle - Change the profession. Learn more skills, if you want.
   
6. Talk to Gatekeeper - tp to Dark Elven Village. Find Carlon in warehouse, take a quest Dwarven Kinship.
   
7. Talk to Gatekeeper - tp to Gludio. Find Haprock in warehouse. In quest dialogue choose "Say you will do the favor".
   
8. Gatekeeper - Gludin - Norman in warehouse, report the quest.
   
9. Gatekeeper - tp to Orc village. In the left wing of the King's Hall Talk to seer Livina, take a quest Walk of Fate.
   
10. Gatekeeper - Schuttgart. Go to Orc Guild, talk to seer Moira, take a quest Ominous News.
    
11. Gatekeeper - Crypts of Disgrace. Report both quests to Karuda. Now you are lvl 21 (if you aren't - kill a couple of monsters there around to become 21). SOE to Kamael Village. Gatekeeper - Elven Village.
    
12. Talk to Sentinel Starden on the western exit, take a quest Legacy of the Poet.
    
13. Talk to Trader Creamees in Grocery Store, take a quest Blood Fiend.
    
14. Gatekeeper - Elven Fortress (not forest). Run into the fortress and in first two rooms kill orcs until you get four poems.
    
15. Now you will need to run bravely and unstoppably through the whole fortress (use healing potions if needed) to the last room to find there quest monster Kinurak and kill it (google the quest to find the way if you are not sure where exactly to run). There are guards near to it but if you stand on the max range from it you should be able to kill it before guards reach you about your expired warranty. After killing Kinurak you can fight guards or die and stand to to village. If you are a great warrior and have won - use SoE. Report those 2 quest ti NPCs you got them from.
    

Now you have +/- 277k Adena. You can sell all the things from your bag to get another ~30k (don't sell EAD, enchant scroll, you'll probably need it later).
Thanks for your attention. AMA if needed.

Hi everyone, I'm new . I'm just venting as I want to get this off my chest. I'm late 30s, no kids and don't want any. Low NC with my mom, barely speak to my dad.
My mom called the other day in regards to finding out my dad was in the hospital for a week. He is not of sound mind as he was telling my mom he was at some hospital in Cali, but he's actually in Arizona.
She said he was out in the desert testing his car. From what he's telling us, whatever happened out there doesn't make sense. So, he was tested for dementia and he doesn't have it but he needs another opinion. Doc said it's a simple forgetfulness.
His friend told me my dad was driving to the mvd and he knew where it was but he never stopped. He drove for 3 hrs without realizing at all he went too far and still insisted he was 5 minutes away from the mvd. That's not a simple forgetfulness.
Mom is 77 and dad is 78. He even got his own age wrong, he said he's 81. He's not of sound mind, he's repeating the same things, etc
So, my mom was telling me this via phone. This is how she is, she said I don't know what to do. Her typical answers for life. This is someone who doesn't read, has no computer and phone skills to look things up, has 0 knowledge on life in general
She's the type to do everything at the last minute in a panick. I said the time is now to get things in order in case he does something and kills himself. She has no access on him because he doesn't allow my mom to know anything but his Mistress has access. I don't see how legally
She has no assets in her name (never worked), gets SS and an allowance from my dad. As the spouse (who knows if she is legally), she's doing absolutely nothing in regards to researching her options etc.
My brother whos in another state is aware of whats going on. This crap has pissed me off to a T. I told her I'm not using FMLA to do anything as that's taking way too much time away from.my job
She doesn't plan for anything in advance. She always says yea I'll look into it never does and asks us the same stupid questions over and over
What passed me off more during the conversation was how she did her best, staying married to him was better and how her "children " weren't statistics. She started the process of her divorce when I was 11 but gave dad more chances.
Then she told me how she left behind her 1st born (1st born daughter is not my dad's kid) because she wasn't ready to be a mom. What?! That's a new one as she has never said that before.
During that part of the conversation, all I heard were the typical excuses, my God the amount of lies, and still standing beside an abuser, misogynist, pedophile and cheating husband like congratulations. I was done, I got off the phone (I was at work).
Is that what I'm supposed to be greatful for? I wish I could see my therapist right now. I'm like what in the Stockholm syndrome am I hearing?!
I was surprised when I heard he was in the hospital and not of sound mind. He's been released buy he wants to go back to Cali in his condition.
My bf said you're gonna have to cut off your mom soon she's expecting you or your brother to do everything. My brother is POA on mom, because if dad dies unexpectedly, she is royally ******.
I already know this will be a yelling match with the golden child brother...

My Dad is bringing up a very important word,
"No"
Actually, I think that was his favorite word.
I had a great habit of using it when I was under his roof. What he said is usually what happens first. He was the head of the house and the leader of his own reality. When he was intoxicated or not, what he saw and thought in his mind came to life, even when it never took place in real time.
Why did I give him so much respect when he clearly was showing me toxicity in our relationship at home?
He pretended to be a person of high stature when we are in public. No one would have guessed his bad habits with substances at home and the way he acted behind closed doors. When I reached out for emotional support at school or church, I was mostly shunned by anyone that listened to my story. They taught me that my feelings were wrong and asking for help gets me in trouble. When I told my mom anything, she was busy at work and came home tired. She trusted everything my father would tell her and I got in trouble for speaking out for his behavior. I was kept at home and if anything that could get me out of the house was already planned to be declined if I asked to do anything.
It was hard to please anyone at this point.
I kept my room spotless and vacuumed everyday, just so my dad couldn't say no and tell me to clean my room if I had a friend standing next to me wanting to hang out.
I had one friend in my life that saw my father for who he really is and he scared her pretty bad. He chased me to her car when I was trying to leave my house, he was on oxy at the time. My friend hesitated and kept the car in the driveway and told me to go do what he said. I wanted her to drive as fast as she could away from him, because he took the battery out of my car and I couldn't leave to be with Suz.
Well, after that incident, I lost my friend. She told her parents what happened and she broke all contact with me and stopped talking to me at church. Rumors went around and her mom I sang with on stage started to be disrespectful towards me.
I learned a valuable lesson that day....
When you feel safe enough to speak out and let someone see your true self, you scare people away.
When I trusted someone, I was abandoned when they saw my life for what it is.
The truth was hard to swallow and I had to stay around my father regardless of trying to find help in some form of way I felt heard. I tried to be emancipated, I went to church and sought out resources, I researched about how to prevent suicidal tendencies, I was speaking to a child psychologist. I was working on being more respectful towards my parents, but when my dad got high and made up stories to be angry and attack me. I had no way to protect myself and prove that it was just my father being an addict going through a psychotic episode.
This is why the Lord forced me into psychology.
I didn't want anything to do with it! (Working in a psych ward.... It sucked.)
Suz was the first person to really allow me to learn how to understand it with her version of explaining reality. She is a psychic medium. A very good one! She was very outspoken, rude and funny.... I can take the hard criticism. Nothing amounted to the trauma my father already caused me to feel. I survived high school band.... My director was exactly like my father and I was verbally abused at school by certain individuals.
I kept it all to myself and I planned very strategically my way to "heaven". I kept a journal on purpose for someone to find later. I wrote about everything I was feeling and how I was being treated, my poems, other interesting facts about spirituality, death and dying.
Suz taught me how to have a "book of shadows"..... Well, she is a witch..... It shouldn't be scary when I say that, she was a very proud "light witch". She only worked for the good of humanity. Christianity shuns such practices, but it really is part of the culture before religion became a thing. She taught me so many things that my Dad made me swear I would never get involved in.....
My Dad went into psychology after he decided he wasn't going to be a pastor. His past marriage was a major roadblock for him that he lost faith in God and didn't feel it was right for him to lie on stage to other believers when he wasn't being honest about his own walk in faith anymore.
A divorce would literally kill my soul. I can't imagine what betrayal feels like until you promise your life in vows to someone and it doesn't work out....My Dad made sure to show me that marriage is a special connection and I had to be very cautious who I accept as my spouse. I never forgotten how important it was for him to see me with the right man, but he was so overprotective, he never allowed me to learn how to date or even go to a school dance.
I blame the drugs for interfering in our relationship as a family. My Father was a very smart man, until he took a pill, shot up, or drink... My dad worked in anesthesia, he knew how to mix his own concoction and by pass the system to get his fix. He was forced to retire don't worry, but his knowledge to get drugs was phenomenal all that he knew about medicine.
It really sucked that he knew psychology and ways to manipulate people to get what he wanted. He was a very skilled hypnotherapist on top of that. My family is the result of a head narcissist raising more products of himself.
If you see my family now, we are estranged for good reasons, but they still hurt me personally. I really tried to keep us together after my father passed away, but the rest of my family chose to ignore my advances to keep in contact. I'm not even invited to the family reunions.
It's okay, because we have a lot of family history of incest and "S.A." and I understand why we are not invited.... I know a lot of things about our family after my father passed away. I know why he turned to be a pastor and then went in psychology to help himself and others, but then he lost his way and turned to drugs to mask his pain. The enemy stepped in and my Dad gave into his weaknesses..... He tried and he fought hard. Even when he attacked me my whole life. I still sat there and listened to him and I was forced to listen and not leave the room, but then God showed me to talk back to my Dad.....
So, I started to read more about the Bible and relate to him.
That's why I went to church...
I went to church 4 times a week to get away from the house, but to also just understand why I want to end my life and know that I would go to heaven if I actually tried it.....I was worried about my Mom and how my actions would affect her, she was a big reason why I stalled my plans and then my Dad had this wise idea to get me to work at a mortuary. Told me to walk into one and ask for a job.
Crazy how I jump topics all of a sudden, but this is how my Dad and I got along with each other. Weird and comical. lol
If it wasn't about music, it was about spirituality. I was into a lot of death related shows because I was suicidal. If you remember any of these, they came out around the time I was in high school.
Six Feet Under
Dead Like Me
Dr. G Medical Examiner
1000 Ways to Die
Ghost hunters
Crime Scene Clean Up Crew shows.
I would walk in the dining room while he was chillin in his hospital bed. Watching Finding Big Foot.
"Hey DAD! check this out."
It was a nice distraction to his day. It brought up his own fears with common daily interactions because of my odd obsession with the topic of dying.
My father at this point in his cancer diagnosis, he was on something they call,
Palliative care.
My mom explained to me that it means he was going to die. Lovely how blunt my mother is, but that's how she said it without sugar coating it....
But it was in a way it would be under his terms. My father at this point died once while receiving radiation therapy. His heart stopped and was revived. When he woke up angry and violent towards at the medical team. He yelled at my mom that he was ready to "go". So, after that incident he got the right person to sign him up for his new journey to his death.
That was a weird way of telling you what palliative care is, but that's how I found out and understood that he had a "DNR" to his name after that incident. Sometimes he was in a hospice home for a few months to give us a break at home dealing with his drama.
My Dad was surrounded by death, so it made me really research death and dying very deeply. I was afraid for anyone to see the books I read because they were about taboo topics you shouldn't see a teenager obsessing over. Death and dying, crossing over, letting go of loved ones, suicide survivors, decomposition of human remains, the death process, how a body is embalmed, what medical examiners while cutting open a corpse.
Then I got into the spiritual side of things that involve the devil and crossing over. How to avoid walking back towards hell when you are deceived by dark forces. How to fight your inner hell and not be trapped in that mindset when you are passing away.
I would have the craziest dreams after learning about these topics. But in a weird way, all I wanted to do was sleep to escape my reality. I would talk to my Dad about the stuff I found about those topics and it helped him be closer to me as a father. Something my little brother doesn't understand and ridiculed about me when he criticized my relationship with him. He had his own way to being with Dad, but my way, was with deeper meaning and serious topics. Stuff only Dad and I knew what that meant. It wasn't supposed to make sense to my mom or brother the special talks we had when he was in pain laying in bed.
I showed my Dad the other side to life....
I helped my Dad not be afraid to die, and do it with dignity and strength.
I helped my Dad understand that his addictions didn't ruin our connection as father and daughter and that I wanted to forgive him for his past before he died. He really appreciated my understanding that the drugs turned him into a different person, but inside of him, God was always there. My father told me, because of me, I allowed him to find love for God again and he was closer to his Mom because I showed him to not be afraid of my friend Suz.
That my friend wasn't evil and she taught me so much about angels and spirits, he was learning about them because I had the best mentor in the world. She helped me find my relationship with my Dad, that brought me to be closer to God and because I learned about God in a metaphysical way, I helped myself grow in my own understanding to where I wasn't going to end my life.
I found a reason to live even through the pain of watching the enemy run through my family and take away everyone and everything that means something to me.....
(I would like to post this, but I know it's not ready. I have so much to say and I know my story will help someone else not be afraid.)
I am still writing my story.
This is the book I was supposed to write about....
The one about death and dying.
Not about my background in psychology.
*That is a message for someone else. hint hint... That is your topic to write about. I hope you receive that message with understanding and go forth wisely. You asked me to remind you, so I am, quietly...
I am working with others in a way the Lord leads me.
It takes up my energy from writing and I have to prioritize what is more important. When it comes to someone's transition. I feel led to help someone cross over. I've done this since I was a child. No one taught me to understand how I do this. I also dream about meeting certain individuals and speak to them about life and death, God allows me to remember my dreams and I share them with the people it is about.
Most times, God will send people to talk to me and then I learn about them dying or having a terminal illness that is difficult to get through. That is where I am reminded of my life with my father and my jobs in the medical field and bring up all that I learned about death, dying, spirituality, religion, crossing over, eastern medicine, etc....
Then I become friends, or we have nice conversations that are very engaging and healing in general. I am later told that I have helped them in some way and they are happy to have met me. Then my dad shows up in my presence and shows me how I am doing what I am supposed to and to trust my gut feelings from now on. He promised me when he was alive, he was always going to be by my side and teach me about life.
Now I finally understand what he meant by that and I now that I know how to
"Listen with my HEART"
That is how he spoke to his mom before he crossed over. I taught him how and he was able to go deeper with it since his soul was ascending and leaving the physical body. The dream state plays a big part of crossing over and communicating with loved ones. That is where my gifts come into play. I am sensitive enough to feel him and learn his lessons that he encourages me to write it all down.
I'm not the writer I wish to become yet, but as long as it's getting out there for someone to find, that's all that matters.
Don't forget to realize that we are all dying. Don't allow your diagnosis or reality to have you feel stuck in misery until you die. Don't allow the pain and confusion to stop you from gaining understanding to the karma you're experiencing.Being a medium for me has been traumatizing, because I had to earn my way to understanding. I had to experience hell in order to seek solitude and want to create peace with my sanity and not let the forces around me cause me to go insane. I went "within" so I can heal my trauma and know what triggers me to thinking about the negative side to things.
That is all the enemy fighting with you spiritually.
When we die, we lose our vessel, not our spirit.
We are the spirit having the human experience.
This isn't forever.
Thank God for that!
Pain does end, but learn what the pain wants to teach you about life around you. You will help someone else with your story when you're meant to cross paths.
Everyone in your life is there to teach you something.
Are you ready for the lesson?
Are you ready to understand your lesson?
So, it's crazy how I end up writing these posts, but they are all for a reason that I don't understand right now, but I'm doing as I'm told.
I'm not afraid of death, I'm not afraid of anyone stalking me because I speak of life in a way no one else has, because this is my story.
I don't know why I wrote it this way before I got here.
My destiny, I mean.....
I know my purpose now and of all the things I pushed away in my life, God forced me to go back into it and learn more about myself. The things I didn't want to face and be reminded about my Dad.... I just want to live my life in peace. I didn't want to think about my past love, but I meet people that remind me of my life back home and that person in particular.....
So, it's all hitting at once. It's a slow process, my father has been gone for 11 years now. I'm getting the hang of it now...... Writing this isn't a race for me, the lessons are exciting to finally understand why I went through them, but again.... Time helps me explain things better when I see it in a different perspective. I couldn't have accomplished that goal until I went through the pain and worked on my character to change my outcomes to my problems. I had to change myself first.
I hope those that are part of this journey with me understand that I am only putting out there tools to help them succeed.
I'm not going out of my way to create another trauma bond or narcissistic injury towards anyone. I love them very much and I want them to work on themselves and gain abundance correctly, not with the use of black magic and occult practices.
That's another story for another day. Suz wants them to know that she was in my life to warn me about my lessons in my future, but I can't run from them. I am here to learn lessons and teach others how to learn theirs.
That's all this is about.
Life is a stage, how do you want to play it?
I choose to grow and allow myself to see the positive to where I feel the emotion of bliss, love, joy and acceptance of all things coexisting together.
I be back soon,
I hope you have a nice weekend.
<3,
Tina,

Hello everyone, first of all I'd like to apologize for my English level, it's not my native language, so I'll try to be as clear as possible.
I (M33) have been married to F (F34) for almost 5 years and in a relationship for almost 7 years and have been living apart again for 1 year.
We have been officially separated for 2 months.
I'm posting this message today to get your opinion on my situation to help me make some decisions.
F and I have spent several difficult years, starting with COVID, then the death of my parents, the death of her father, the war in Ukraine and the launch of a business project together. You should know that my wife is Russo-Ukrainian, so the war affected her a lot. You should also know that we live in a European country, which is my native country, but obviously not hers.
All these elements have greatly affected our relationship, particularly through the reduction of my wife's libido, and my estrangement both emotionally and physically (cuddles).
Our relationship was going badly and F decided to end it two months ago for several reasons:

• She no longer felt anything, not just towards me, but towards the world, no more joy, happiness, only sadness or a state she always called a neutral state.
• She feels suffocated in the relationship, in her obligations as a woman (especially with regard to sex) and wants to find herself again.

Let me say straight away that there was no infidelity, my wife being very honest, she wouldn't have hidden it. What's more, she's not a girl who runs after one-night stands, she's only had a few men in her life.
Our breakup was made official by F two months ago. Keep in mind that we work together and therefore see each other almost every day.
From then on, my wife quickly took the initiative of registering on a dating site, despite the fact that she had explained many times that she didn't want to be in a relationship, but rather to find herself and boost her ego.
She kept on meeting new people. At the same time, we often talked about her dates and I knew all about them. At that point, the questions started to pop into my head. We were very close, and I felt she needed to talk and I needed answers to reassure myself. That's when she met a man we'll call M. She went on her first date with him and told me she found him normal and interesting, but that she should always initiate conversations. As the days went by, I learned that this man M called her every day. In parallel, one evening my wife and I went to a restaurant and ended up sleeping together and spending the next two days glued together, like a couple. We talked a lot and she told me all about M. Of course, it had only been one date and nothing had happened.
We also talked about our relationship and she told me that at the end of her two days we should stop. She also told me that maybe one day our paths will merge, but for the time being we won't.
To make it easier for you to understand, I'll add one more information: my wife doesn't want a divorce. She doesn't mind if I ask, but for her part she doesn't want a divorce.
During our conversations I asked her what this Man M meant to her and she always answered Nothing. When I asked her how things would evolve between them, she answered I don't know. And finally, when I asked her why she didn't ask for a divorce when she was rebuilding her life, she replied “I don't feel the need to, I don't want to and I will the day our marriage is a hindrance to the progress of my life and know that I'm trying to move forward, I'm not rebuilding my life, I don't want to be in a couple, with you or with anyone else. You're an ideal man, don't doubt it”. For her, marriage is an important and symbolic event.
Those two days came to end and we each went home.
Several days went by, and we ended up going to a restaurant together because our day at work had gone badly. During that evening, I learned that she had seen this man M again, and that he was into her, so much so that he sent her poems. I also learned that this man M had the same family history as me (quite tragic, but that's not the point), which made my wife cry when she told me. She even started asking me if heaven was sending her signs. However, this man M doesn't have the same personality as me at all.
At the end of our evening, I took her home and we decided to talk like colleagues from then on and not talk about our private lives, ending up kissing several times before saying goodbye.
A few days went by and my wife U wanted to talk to me because she had a question about one of my dates that I had told her about earlier. Talking about it, I ended up learning more about her relationship with this man M. On their third date, he had tried several times to kiss her and she finally agreed. So they kissed. From then on, my decent life in hell began.
At the same time, work obliged me to leave for 2 days in a faraway country (15 h flight) at the end of July, and she was free to go with me or not. She wanted to go with me, and when I asked her why? she said she liked my company and visiting countries with me, and that it was a good opportunity to do so at lower cost (financed by the company). I asked her if she wasn't afraid of our situation, and she replied that she wasn't thinking about it. I didn't dare ask her about this man M, all I know is that she told him about our trip and he replied: “I trust you, don't betray me” (in my native Lanque this means “don't set a trap for me”). It turns out that this man is aware of my existence and our marriage, but my wife has assured me that she told him nothing about what happened between us.
You see, I don't understand her anymore, it seems obvious that something is going to happen between her and this man M. During her 3 weeks this man M talks to her every night. She plays a game of back and forth with him, which gets him even more hooked on her. When I ask her how she feels about him, she tells me nothing or I don't know but assures me that she doesn't want to be in a relationship. She even admits that there's something about him that bothers her and that, unlike me, she wouldn't be able to introduce him to her friends or family. She even admits that they've had little altercations. This doesn't stop her seeing him every week and talking to him every day.
We had one last conversation where we came to the definitive conclusion that we shouldn't talk to each other except about work. During this last conversation she asked me to accept that we're separated, to live my life, and to understand that she's free to do whatever she wants with whomever she wants. She confessed that she believes it's possible for us to get back together, but only time will tell. In the meantime, I have to live my life, enjoy and grow. So I stopped talking to her several days ago. I know there was a 4th date between them but I don't know more.
My questions are as follows:

• Does my wife / ex find escuses to go elsewhere?
• Have I become a spare wheel?
• Should I expect anything?
• How can I overcome seeing her every day while being in this constant loop?
• Is it kindness on her part when she talks about the possibility of our paths crossing, or does she really mean it?
• What should i do ?

Thank you all, I'll read your messages and keep you posted.

So, I (20f) had a pretty rough childhood. My mother was kind of a pos and cheated on my dad all the time which led to their divorce when I was 2, and she got with the man she was having her latest affair with and it stuck. He came with two kids, a son and a younger daughter. When I was around 6, this older step brother, let's call him O (11) started to molest and rape me. He set up really weird sick and twisted games that all four of us, me, my brother, his sister and himself, would play, truth or dare type games. He was the oldest at 11 at this point, my brother G and step sister E were around 8 or 9 and I was the youngest at 6. He'd set G and E up together to go do naughty things, and himself with me. These "games" didn't last long, but he never let me out of his clutches. He even bragged about it to his friends when he was a few years older and they felt inclined to get in on the action, one even threatened me with a knife at one point when I was 8 or so. My mother is an awful person, she cares only for appearances and loves herself more than you cab imagine, I'm sure she only wanted children as future maids and cashcows, but for some reason she was particularly interested in living vicariously through me. I was quite the rough house tomboy as a child, and didn't care for typical girly things, when I was tearing up a tree or across a playground I was very shy and awkward and always avoided eyecontact and hid behind my massive poof of hair, my mother really didn't like this. She had always tried to brainwash me into being a charming, seductive feminine woman from a very young age, and seemed to punish me by throwing all the chores at me and verbally belittling me or even physically overpowering me from a very young age. My mother had witnessed O during one of his acts towards me. I was naked, had bruises and fresh bleeding scratches and was crying, she bust the door open while his mouth was suckering onto my chest at 8. She saw the scene, and closed her eyes and sighed at the floor, composed herself and said what she came to say, and left. I was gutted. I thought finally someone might help me, between the bullying at school and abuse at home I thought at least my mother would correct one of her children being "unsightly". In hindsight I suppose she put her marriage first and didn't want to cause any issues, but that was not the last time she'd catch him doing things to me, and she'd ignore them every time. There was even a point where O and one of his friends, let's call him A, same age, had a rivalry on who's sex toy I was, and would openly do things to me in front of the other to assert dominance and rile each other up. One of these times, O went home to tell my mother, at which she called me home and scolded me harshly for my behaviour. At the time I knew she wanted to say something but didn't, as I got older I realised it was "whore". I was 9 and A was 14. Now, amongst all of this, my brother was aware of what was going on, at the time I didn't think much of it other than it was terrifying to be home and I'd rather attempt to run away for the hundredth time, I thought it was normal and what I was meant for, to absorb the abuse and violence, but as I grew older I realised more and more about the world and realised it wasn't right, and I could chose to live with my dad. When my parents divorced we were 50/50 split custody, I'd be at my mom's for 2 weeks then 2 weeks at dad's. At 14 I simply decided one day to just ask to be picked up for my dad's again, no planning or packing, no plan in mind, just after being dropped off on my last day at my dad's for that week and asking "can you pick me up again after school? I don't want to go to moms". My mother threw a fit about it of course, she called up my dad spouting about how I was just being a spoiled brat and throwing a tantrum for not getting what I want, I never asked for anything ever even on birthdays or Christmas, so I have no idea what made up demands of mine she was referring to, but as the weeks passed by and I continued to stay at my dad, she got pretty furious. She'd cry to all our extended family members about how her dear daughter that she loved so much turned her back on her and left for her "richer" dad (neither parent was well off, but my mother blew most of her pay on jewellery, dresses, shoes and makeup) and turned my extended family against me. Now, somewhere when I was 14, just before leaving, I broke down to someone at school, I wasn't really friends with them, if anything they were more of a bully, and i told them about what my step brother and his friends had been doing to me, with the words I now knew to describe it, "rape" "molest" "grooming" and "sexual abuse". She had no reaction at the time, and didn't even seem to register it. A few months after I had moved out of my mother's, my anxiety disorder reared its ugly head, and I began being unable to even attend my highschool, and after being pretty much 100% absent for a year or so, police came knocking at my door. Turns out, the girl from before had gotten concerned for me and told the teachers, who in turn told the police, which ended up at this. I was quite unhappy about it, I told them the bare minimum information, I told them I didn't want them to even be here or involved at all, they told me they'd need to question my mother, step dad, step brother, brother, and step sister. I didn't really care and didn't think anything would come of it. A few years later, and almost 2 years ago now, at age 19, I'd all but forgotten about the police, I was still, and remain, thoroughly traumatised from my childhood and still struggle to leave the house without someone else and my headset to drown out everything. my golden child brother showed up. Now, I know this is a first mention of him being a golden child, but it's always been a stark difference between how we were treated, at my mother's, and at my dad's with my aunt and grandma (dad's side) as well. To give you a picture, on my brothers 18th birthday, he got a 3 tier home made cake, a slow roasted dinner that had been on for 12 hours, my dad, aunt and grandma sat at the table with him loudly congratulating him and celebrating his "first" beer, he was gifted a motorcycle and many presents. For my 18th birthday, the only one I was looking forward to, I got 5 minutes of attention when I opened everyone's gifts which was basically just sweets and chocolates, and then they all disappeared to clamour around my brother, G. I sobbed in my bedroom with my boyfriend, after a while the only family member I was holding out hope for, my grandma, came knocking at my door, I quickly composed myself and went to see her, at which she led me to the bathroom to tell me off for not giving my brother any attention. On my 18th birthday. Kinda lost it there lol and shouted at her. I got no cake, not even store brought, and no dinner, but when G was hungry of course the ordered him Chinese and didn't even ask me if I wanted anything. Anyway. I had been getting into more contact with G over discord, and everything he came over I'd sort of blindly follow everyone's example and revere him, I'd make him food and bring him snacks and I'd always offer myself to be there for him if he ever needs to talk, and after some while, he tells me that he thinks he's in love with someone. I was happy for him and congratulated him, but as I found out more, she was bad news. She'd send him texts talking about how he was special to her and she was so in love with him and they had sex, but she was still fucking her ex and 2 other guys and saying the same things to them, openly, in servers they shared. I was really worried for G and didn't want him to be heartbroken, and tried to warn him gently about not getting too in over his head, because he seemed to be taking all that she was saying to heart, and talking about her as if she was the one, when it's clear that she was just fooling around and looking for an easy bang sesh. G got very angry at me for daring to insinuate such a horrible thing about his sweetheart, and purely to hurt me, he told me he had covered for O and A when the police questioned them. I had completely forgotten about the police ever going over to question them, it didn't even occur to me that G would be part of that too, and here he was telling me that he told the police I was a liar and doing it for attention, the exact words my mother had been telling all of my extended family and turning them against me with. I was just so gutted. And he always knew I didn't know about him lying, but he acted so nonchalant to my face, accepted my kindness and gifts while I waited on him hand and foot. I always knew my mother would lie for appearances sake and call me a liar, I don't think my step sister, E, remembered, my step dad also never personally witnessed anything. But my brother. I had just assumed he was out when the police came over, or with friends. I was devastated to say the least. I broke down and told my dad, he asked me if I didn't want to see him anymore and I said yes, and he simply nodded. A few months later was my aunties birthday. I was invited and said I wouldn't go because G would be there, and my auntie and grandma were upset at me, they thought we had a petty sibling squabble, they badgered me about it for hours and blamed me for ruining her birthday. I eventually blurted it all out thinking "that'll shut them up" but instead what I was met with was a barrage of excuses made for him, and better yet, they were telling me to forgive him. Forgive him? He hadn't even tried to apologise...he held it against me and used it to HURT me, he didn't tell me out of compassion or remorse for his past mistakes, he used it as a weapon, and they want me to forgive him?I broke down and just locked myself in my room. They shouted at me through my door but I just blasted music and cried into my pillows until they left, and a bit more after just for good measure lol. Since that happened, I can't be around my family without a deep aching and pain in my chest and choking up, questions on my tongue and angry accusations always trying to come out. I had a big argument with my dad over it, G was my only chance at potentially getting justice for what they did, for salvaging my relationships with all my family who had disowned me, I only have my dad aunt and grandma, but my brother has everyone, everyone loves him in the family, and my own mother loves O more than she ever did me, he gets her love and affection, and all of it from the rest of the family, he's branded a poor victim of my manipulative vicious lying, while I'm the spoiled tantrum throwing brat who they are better off without. I do so much for my family. Actually,half a year before I left my mother's she developed breast cancer. I wanted to leave around that time, but I stayed because I knew her useless husband and beloved two useless oldest sons would do nothing to help her. I sat in my room and listened to her vomit and cry and choke alone, I know they could all hear her too. But I was the one to go by her side, to wash the bucket, to change her sheets and clean the floor when she couldn't grab the bucket in time. I'm the one who sat her her side and held her as she sobbed. I'm the one who fed her when she was too weak to move. After I moved out she accredited all her "being looked after" and care to O and her husband. While i was arguing with my dad, I was crying pretty hard and asking him all these questions, "why do I have to forgive him? He didn't even try to apologise he just said it to hurt me and none of you care" "him telling the truth was the only way I could have had anything done to help me" "he protected my rapist and you're all just fine with it". Eventually, my dad said a line which really solidified to me, that no matter what I say or what G does, he will always be their priority. "He's my son, what do you want me to do?!?!". In that one sentence, I heard it. "He's my son, and you're not my daughter" "I'm willing to lose you but not him". I think it's been a year or so since that happened. I can't do it. Every time there has been an issue in the family I've been the one there. My aunties dog grooming business is falling behind because of her poor health? I work there for free. My nan almost dies from kidney failure? I'm there cuddling her and staying with her for months to do everything for her. My dad suddenly losing all his hearing in one ear and starts throwing up blood? I'm there, terrified, but doing my best to keep him alive until the ambulance comes. Every time my family had gone through a tough time, I've been there to patch it up. Every time they've gone through a rough time, I've begged G to please visit, help, stay a few days, at least see how their doing....but he'd rather stay at our mom's where he can play video games for 20 hours straight living rent free. I love my family so much...my dad, my aunt and my nan. But I can't handle it. It feels like every time I see them I'm breaking down a little more and more inside. I wanted to maybe give my dad the ultimatum of me or G, he can't chose both, but it feels like I already did in that argument and without even hesitating he chose G. I can't keep being around them, I can't make them love me or care about me, but I do for them, so deeply, and it hurts so much. I feel like I have to just shut up and suffer so they can all play happy family, but i can't take it. I haven't slept for 2 nights right now because its just always there, always nagging at me and reducing me to tears sobbing my heart out into my pillows. Please, does anyone have any advice?

”Stop.”
I really needed the bathroom.
For fifty painstaking minutes, I had been staring at the clock on the wall, willing it to go faster, uncomfortably shifting side to side in my seat so much that I was starting to get weird looks.
2:52pm.
Eight minutes, I thought dizzily, squeezing my legs together.
Which was just two chunks of four minutes.
Four chunks of two minutes.
The pain started like normal stomach pain, the kind I could deal with.
I swallowed two Tylenol with lukewarm soda.
But this was different.
This kind of pain was contorting and twisting my gut so much, I had to keep leaning onto my left buttock for relief.
I must have done it so many times, I caught the attention of the guy sitting next to me. Roman Hemlock who was half asleep, dark blonde curls hanging in half lidded eyes, his chin leaning on his fist. He shot me a look. I couldn't tell if it was Are you okay? or Can you stop moving around so much?
From the single crease in his brow, the slight curl in his lip, I guessed the latter.
It's not like Roman was helping.
For half the class, he'd been tapping his foot on the floor, then his chair leg, and to complete the orchestra, his fingers joined in, tap, tap, tapping on the edge of his desk. I didn't know if it was a bored thing, an ADHD thing, or he was trying to keep himself awake. It was easy to tolerate without the pain, but with it, the boy’s incessant tapping was more akin to a dentist drill splitting my skull open. I already felt nauseous, the sad looking chicken nuggets I forced down at lunch making an unwelcome appearance at the back of my throat.
It was too fucking hot, the stuffy summer air glueing my hair to the back of my neck. The material of my shirt was making me cringe, sticky against my skin.
Tipping my head back, the lights were too bright. Every sound was too loud. Imogen Prairie, who was sitting behind me chewing her gum a little too loudly.
Kaz Samuels scribbling notes like a maniac.
I could hear every stroke of his pencil, every time he paused, looked up at the presentation, and continued writing.
When I leaned forward in my chair, I could smell exactly what Isabella Trinity had eaten for lunch, the stink hanging in the air.
It became a case of sucking in my stomach and taking slow, deep breaths.
I’d never had these kinds of stomach cramps before. But it didn't take me long to figure out what they were.
I was yet to start my period at the grand age of sixteen, which meant this was it.
After countless sessions with the doctor, and feeling like a social outcast among my group of friends who started their periods in middle school, it had finally happened. The cramps in my gut that felt like my torso was being ripped apart, was in fact me entering womanhood. When my breath started to quicken, my mouth watering, I raised my hand, biting my lip against a cry.
Fuck.
Something lurched in my gut, a wave of nausea crashing into me.
I was going to throw up.
“Mr Brighton.”
Roman spoke up before me, waving his arm. “Can I use the bathroom?”
The teacher’s answer was always the same. Which was why I had been crossing my legs for the entirety of the class, unable to focus on anything but my gut trying to twist itself inside out.
Mr Brighton leaned against the wall, his eyes glued to the PowerPoint awash in our faces. We had been staring at the exact same slide for maybe five minutes now, and our physics teacher was yet to speak, his gaze somewhere else.
Mr Brighton was my Dad’s age, a greying man in his early fifties who always wore the exact same suit with the exact same stain on his collar.
The man was about as interesting as watching paint dry.
Normally, I would drift off myself, lulled into slumber by the low drone of his voice.
But the pain ripping me apart was keeping me awake.
“Mr Brighton.” Roman said, louder. His voice snapped me out of it. “Can I use the bathroom?” He paused, exaggerating a loud sigh. ”Please?”
The teacher straightened up, folding his arms.
“Mr Hemlock, you know the rules. Why didn't you go before class?”
“I didn't need to go an hour ago, did I?”
“You will no longer need to go to the bathroom, Mr Hemlock.”
Roman made a snorting noise.
“What?”
The low murmur of my classmates collapsed into white noise.
Glancing at the clock, I was anticipating the school bell.
The sickness swimming in the pit of my belly was reaching dangerous territory.
2:52pm.
Something ice cold trickled down my spine.
It was 2:52 the last time I checked, and five minutes had surely passed.
This time, I waited a whole minute and counted the seconds under my breath. The clock still didn't move. The ticker was frozen halfway between three and four.
Slowly, the same realisation began to hit the twelve of us. The clock on the wall had stopped. But it wasn't the only thing that had stopped. The cool breeze drifting through the window was gone.
The sound of birds outside, and the cheer squad practising their routine.
Everything had stopped. Trying to ignore a sickly slither of panic twisting its way through me, I checked my phone under my desk. There was a text from my Mom lighting up my notifications. When I tried to swipe it open, nothing happened. My lock screen was frozen, stuck at 2:52pm.
With my hands growing clammy around my phone, I stared at the time, willing it to move, to flick to 2:53.
But nothing happened, the numbers stubbornly staying at 2:52.
“What the fuck are you talking about?” Roman’s voice brought me back to reality, though I was sure I'd dropped my phone. I heard it hit the floor with a sickening crack. Whatever he was saying, though, faded into dull murmur, when I turned toward the window.
Something was wrong outside.
The cheer squad were nowhere to be seen.
Being on the top floor gave us a front row seat to their practice sessions.
I stopped watching when their flyer did a death defying flip, almost breaking her neck. 2:52pm. I couldn't see the cheer squad. But I did see Jessie Carson mid-sprint across the track field, strawberry blonde curls suspended in a halo around her.
I could see exactly where she had frozen in place, her left foot hovering off of the ground, her right foot driving momentum. It wasn't just Jessie who had stopped. The dirt she was kicking into a cloud behind her was hovering, caught in mid-air.
Studying the faces around me, my mouth went dry.
Roman Hemlock, mid-argument with our physics teacher.
His eyes were wide, lips curved into what would have been a yell.
Fuck.
Was I the only one?
But then Roman blinked, and I realized the boy wasn't frozen. He was trying to think of a comeback. “What do you mean I won't need the bathroom anymore?”
“Mr Hemlock, please lower your voice.”
“Why? You can't dictate to me when I do and don't need the bathroom, dude!”
Moving onto the rest of my class, the others were still moving.
It was too quiet, though.
Yes, Roman was still tapping his foot.
Imogen was still chewing her gum.
Kaz was still scribbling notes like a psychopath.
But they were the only noise I could hear.
I wasn't the only one confused. The classroom had pricked with a sense of urgency. Kids were checking their phones, their gazes glued to the clock. Even Roman, who was still arguing, was starting to notice. I watched his gaze lazily roll to the clock on the wall.
I pretended not to see his cheeks visibly paling.
We had all come to the exact same terrifying conclusion.
2:52pm.
Time had come to a halt, and somehow, we had not.
“Is that clock broken?” Roman interrupted, leaning forward in his chair.
Kaz twisted around, settling the boy with an eye-roll.
“Check your phone, dumbass.”
“I broke my phone.”
Imogen threw her iPhone at him, narrowly missing hitting him in the face.
“Everything is frozen,” She said, her voice shuddering. “It's not just the clock.”
I waited for Roman’s response. For once, though, he was speechless.
“Well done, Imogen. That is correct.” Mr Brighton spoke up, tearing a piece of paper from a workbook and striding over to the door, glueing it over the glass window. When we started to protest, some of us were shouting, while others bursting into tears, he calmly took out his key and locked us in.
I should have been surprised that our teacher had spontaneously decided to take his entire class hostage, but the rumor mill had been churning.
According to Becca Jason, the guy’s wife divorced him and took his kids.
I could feel myself sinking into my chair, phantom bugs filling my mouth.
So, this guy had nothing to lose.
Taking his place in front of his desk, the man settled us with a patient smile.
“From now on, you will stay inside this room.” He said. “In case you haven't noticed, time is currently frozen at fifty two minutes past two. The thirteen of us are tucked into the twenty first second, and will be, for the foreseeable future.”
I could tell the others wanted to argue, but we couldn't deny that time had stopped. Kaz was staring down at his frozen phone, Imogen hyperventilating behind me, Roman glaring at the clock, chewing on a pencil. We wanted it to be a prank, a joke, some kind of glitch in the matrix that would fix itself.
But then a whole minute passed by. Followed by another. Kaz threw his phone on the floor, hissing in frustration. Imogen let out a wet sounding sob.
Roman’s pencil split in his mouth, slipping from his fingers. We couldn't pretend it wasn't happening or call our teacher out on his BS, because it was everywhere around us. The sudden absence of outdoor ambience, birdsong, planes flying overhead, and traffic outside the school gates. Everyone and everything had stopped, and we were the only ones left.
This was a nightmare, surely.
My physics class were some of the most boring and pretentious people in the school, and somehow the world had been reduced to the twelve of us inside our classroom. We were scared, of course we were. But reality had stopped making sense, crashing and burning in a single second. We had no choice but to listen to our teacher. “Now, before you freak out, it may not feel like it, but the twelve of you have also stopped.”
Mr Brighton held out his own hand, and placed it on his heart.
He was right.
I was so busy trying to understand what was happening, I had failed to realize my period cramps were gone.
“Do me a favor, and press your hand over your heart.”
“You mean like, in a culty way?” Imogen whispered.
“Obviously.” Roman grumbled, halfway out of his seat. He was hesitant, though, in case our teacher was armed. It only took one glance from our teacher, and he slumped back into his chair. “This crazy fucker clearly wants to play mind games with us.”
“No, I'm just asking you to feel for your heart.”
I felt for mine, and there was nothing, my stomach twisting.
Roman stabbed his fingers into his neck, feeling for a pulse.
He tried his wrist.
Then his heart.
Nothing.
“The twelve of you are currently in a state of stasis,” the teacher explained to us, “You are not alive, nor are you dead. Your bodily functions are also on pause, such as your heartbeat and your pulse. In this state there will be no need for food and water, or going to the bathroom.” His gaze found a ghastly looking Roman, who looked like he was going to faint. “Your minds, however, as you can see, are working as usual.”
“But why?” Imogen demanded in a shriek.
Mr Brighton’s lip curled. “I would rather not answer that question.”
“Because you're lonely.” Roman spoke up. He swung back on his chair, narrowed eyes glued to the teacher.
“Your wife and kids left you, so you're asserting power over a group of sixteen year olds. Which is kinda fucking pathetic.”
Mr Brighton’s expression darkened, and something slimy crept up my throat.
The worst thing any of us could do was threaten him. He had taken kidnapping to a whole new level, and we were alone with this psychopath, trapped inside a second. I waited for the man to stride forward and attack the kid. But he didn't. Instead, the teacher leaned back on his desk. “Yes.” The man nodded.
“I suppose you could say I am.”
“But why us?!” Kaz hissed.
“Because you are children.” Mr Brighton responded casually.
He straightened up, taking slow, intimidating steps towards Roman’s desk. The rest of us leaned back. I tried to pull my desk with me, but it was glued to the floor. Frozen. Mr Brighton’s shoes went click-clack across the hardwood floor.
“You are right,” the man said in a murmur, “I am lonely. My wife and kids did leave me, and I have nobody left to control. I have nobody else to contort and use to my advantage.” Reaching Roman’s desk, he leaned in close until he was nose to nose with the kid.
“Congratulations, Mr Hemlock. You have just earned yourself detention.”
Roman stayed stubbornly still, but he was visibly afraid. I could see him very slowly backing away. Roman was all bark and no bite. He was a loud mouth, sure, but he was also the least confrontational person in the class.
“What?” He spluttered. “You trap us in a time loop or time trap, or whatever, and you still want to act like a teacher?”
“Stand up.” The teacher ordered.
“What if I don't?”
Mr Brighton’s expression didn't waver. “You said it yourself. I can and have trapped you inside a single second. What else do you think I'm capable of?”
Roman stood, kicking his chair out of the way.
“What are you planning on doing to me, old man?”
The teacher maintained his smile. “Stand up straight, and close your mouth.”
To my confusion, Roman Hemlock did all the above.
He straightened up, and closed his mouth.
“Do not fight me.” The teacher said calmly, “Do as you are told, and follow me.”
The boy did exactly as instructed.
His jaw slackened, that rebellious light in his eyes fizzling out.
I think that's when we all collectively agreed that going against this teacher and trying to escape was mental suicide.
“I will use Mr Hemlock as an example to all of you,” Mr Brighton said, turning to the rest of us. “If you break the rules or are derogatory in any way, you will be given detention.”
He grabbed the boy’s shoulders, forcing him to walk towards the supply closet. Roman moved like a robot, slightly off balance, his gaze glued to thin air, like he was tracking invisible butterflies.
"Your time in detention will depend on the severity of your rule-break.” He opened the door, gently pushing Roman inside, and following suit. When the door closed behind them, there was a pause, and I remembered how to breathe.
Kaz Samuels slowly got up from his desk, inching towards the closet.
“This guy is a certified nut.” He announced.
He turned towards us. “Whatever he's doing to Hemlock, we’re probably next.”
“He stopped time.” I spoke up, my own voice barely a croak. “He’s capable of anything.”
“But how did he stop time?” Kaz whistled, tipping his head back. The boy was slow, his fingers grasping each desk as he slid down the aisle. “He said he was lonely, right? But why take it out on us? What did we do to him?”
“Check his desk for a weapon!” Imogen whisper-shrieked.
Kaz nodded, striding over to the man's desk, his hands moving frantically, shoving paper on the floor. He took an uncertain seat on the man's chair. “There's nothing here,” he murmured, lifting stained coffee mugs and ancient textbooks. “It's just…test papers.” Kaz ducked from view, trying the drawers.
“He's a fan of Pokémon,” he said, “There's a tonne of Pokémon cards,” Kaz straightened up, running a hand through his hair. “No sign of a weapon, though.”
He picked up a ruler, waving it around. “This could work. If we plunge it in his eye.”
“Try his laptop!” Imogen was halfway out of her seat.
Kaz did, slamming the keys. “It's locked.”
“Look harder!” Ren Clarke threw a pencil at him.
“I am!”
After a minute of searching, Kaz grabbed a single piece of paper.
He held it up, and I squinted.
It was a list of our names, with several of them highlighted.
“Fuck.” Kaz dropped the list, his expression crumpling. The stubborn bravado facade transforming him into our sort of leader dissipated, hollowing him out into exactly what he was. Just a scared kid. Kaz’s hands were shaking.
“Mr Brighton’s got a hit list.” He whispered. “He's going to kill us.”
“How do you know that?” I found myself asking.
Kaz slowly dropped into a crouch, picking up the paper and holding it up.
“Look.” He pointed to a capitalised name at the top of the list highlighted in red.
ROMAN HEMLOCK.
There were six names highlighted in red, including mine.
CRISTA ADAMS.
As if on cue, Roman’s cry rang out from the supply closet, suddenly, freezing us all in place. Kaz jumped up, adapting the expression of a deer caught in headlights, eyes wide, almost unseeing.
He fell over himself to tidy up the desk, putting everything back where he had found it, sliding the list between a pile of test papers. Kaz took slow, stumbled steps back, his feverish gaze glued to the closet, before turning and making a break for it and diving into his seat.
“Brighton’s got a hit liiiist,” Kaz said, in a mocking sing-song, “And we’re all on it.”
What followed was deathly silence. I think we were expecting Roman to cry out again. But when he didn't, the class started to stir. Some kids started praying to a god they didn't believe in, while others were in varying states of denial, trying to call their parents with dead phones.
I wasn't sure what parts of me had stopped, but I was still alive, still felt like my lungs were deprived of oxygen, my chest aching. I'm not sure how long I sat there, trying to find my voice, a shriek trying and failing to rip through my mouth. Being kidnapped and held hostage is one thing, but being imprisoned inside a single, never ending second, was an existential hell worse than death. Slowly, I pressed my palm over my heart once again. Then I breathed into my cupped hands.
I was expecting it, but no longer being able to feel my own heartbeat and breath, was fear I didn't think was possible. The kind that glued me to my seat, hollowing me out completely until I was nothing, an empty shell with no heartbeat, no breath, no thoughts, except denial, followed by acceptance.
And finally, regret.
I regretted not hugging my mother goodbye before I left for school.
I regretted acting like a spoiled brat when my parents refused to drive me halfway across the country so I could attend Coachella.
I regretted stepping inside Mr Brighton’s fourth period physics class.
Mr Brighton reappeared, slamming the door behind him and locking the boy inside. Part of me flinched, while the rest of me remembered not to move a muscle. I was barely aware of time passing. Or it wasn't. Time had stopped, so now long had I been sitting there?
I could no longer measure the passage of time with hunger or thirst, and my body felt the same. I wasn't stiff or tired or achy. Looking out of the window, the sky was the exact same crystal blue, every cloud in the exact same place.
Jessie Carson was still frozen mid-run, strands of dark red hair caught around her.
“What's wrong with you guys?” Mr Brighton chuckled, and I twisted back to the front, a shiver writhing down my spine. “Why don't you give me a smile?”
The teacher returned to his desk, and I was already subconsciously sitting up straight in my seat, forcing my lips into a jaw-breaking grin, following Brighton’s instructions. In the corner of my eye, Imogen was sitting very still, forcing an award-winning cheesy smile, while Kaz grinned through gritted teeth.
“Mr Hemlock just earned himself two weeks inside the supply closet.” he said casually, perching himself on the edge of his desk. The man studied each of us, taking his time to rip every shred of us apart.
Mind, body, and soul.
I struggled to maintain my stupid smile, shoving my shaking hands in my lap.
“Would anyone like to join him, or are you going to follow the rules?”
The rest of us stayed silent. I don't think any of us breathed.
Our teacher nodded to Kaz, inclining his head.
“Samuels. Are you all right?”
Kaz’s smile faltered slightly. He shifted in his chair. I could see sweat trickling down his right temple. “Uh, yeah.” He swiped at his forehead, like he couldn't believe he was sweating. “Yeah, I'm good.”
The teacher’s eyes narrowed. He moved toward his desk, and we all held our breaths. Mr Brighton seemed to study his hit-list, lips curving into a frown.
His gaze flicked to the boy, and then the paper.
He knew, I thought dizzily.
Mr Brighton knew the kid had been rummaging through his desk. But this was all about control. The teacher was using fear to control us, to manipulate our thoughts without having to get physical. He could have called out the boy right then, but Brighton was settling with mental torture instead. He just wanted to make my classmate squirm.
Without a word, the man folded up the piece of paper and slipped it into his pocket. “Mr Samuels, you are sweating,” our physics teacher said, mocking a frown. “Are you feeling okay?”
Kaz hesitated, tapping his shoe in a rhythm.
Being one of the smartest kids in the room definitely gave him an advantage.
I could already see the cogs turning behind half lidded eyes. Kaz was weighing each scenario, sorting them into positives and negatives.
The positives of answering would mean he was one step towards being in the clear, but there were two negatives.
Brighton would question him if he had left his seat, and then demand how his hit-list had magically moved across the desk.
Talking back was surely a rule-break, as well as outright lying.
Opening his mouth would get him in trouble, either way, and Kaz knew that.
So, he just nodded, forcing an even bigger smile.
Brighton’s lips pricked, his gaze straying on Kaz. “Good!” He cleared his throat, turning to the class. Kaz slumped in his seat with a sharp breath, resting his head in his arms. If Mr Brighton noticed, he didn't say anything. “Ignore the sweating. It should stop, along with hunger and thirst.”
Our teacher seemed to be able to manipulate everything in his vicinity.
Time.
Minds.
And slowly… contorting us into his own.
In the single second we were trapped inside, I felt days go by in a dizzying whirlwind that was like being permanently high. When I stood up, I felt like I was floating.
When I sat down, hours could go by, even days, and I wouldn't even feel them. I did try and count the days, initially, scribbling them on a scrap piece of paper, but somewhere around the thirteenth or fourteenth day, I lost count. The world around us never changed, in permanent stasis, and maybe that was sending us a little crazy.
After a while of being stuck at our desks, Mr Brighton allowed us to wander the classroom, as long as we stayed away from the door. I lay on the floor for days, counting ceiling tiles.
Sometimes, Imogen would join me.
I couldn't sleep, but I could pretend to sleep, imagining a world that was back to normal. I didn't feel hungry, but my brain did like to remind me of food at the weirdest times. I was aware of weeks passing us by, and then months.
I never grew hungry or tired, and my bodily functions were none existent.
I couldn't remember what pain felt like, or the urge to go to the bathroom. Even the concept of eating and drinking became foreign to me. Putting something in your mouth and chewing to sustain yourself?
That sounded odd.
The only thing that was changing was our slowly unravelling metal state.
I don't know how it started. Weekends and Tuesdays blended together. On one particular SaturTuesday, I was hanging upside down from my desk, watching Kaz and Imogen doodle on the whiteboard.
Kaz had a plan to escape, but after a while, his ‘plan’ to distract the teacher, had gone nowhere. After passing notes between us, the twelve of us had decided that we needed a weapon.
That was maybe a month ago. I wasn't sure what mind games our teacher was playing, but Kaz Samuels, who we were counting on to be our brains, was slowly falling under his spell. Their game had been going on for three days. The two of them were having a competition to see who could draw the craziest thing.
Mr Brighton was at his desk as usual, marking papers.
Imogen was drawing a weird looking ‘skateboard’ when the doors to the storage closet flew open.
Roman Hemlock appeared, and to my surprise, wasn't a hollow eyed shell.
He held up his hand in a wave, his lips forming a small smile.
“Yo.”
Roman’s reappearance was enough to snap us out of it. Kaz and Imogen stopped arguing, the rest of the class going silent. I sat up, blinking rapidly.
I was sure our collective consensus was that Roman Hemlock was dead.
Mr Brighton lifted his head and gave the boy a civil nod. “Mr Hemlock will be rejoining us,” he said, his gaze going back to marking papers. “Please make him feel comfortable. I'm sure he's very excited to be able to talk to you again.”
Instead of going to his desk, the boy immediately joined the others, snatching the marker off of a baffled looking Kaz, and drawing an overly artistic sketch of a penis. I wasn't sure what confused me more. The fact that Roman Hemlock had some serious artistic skills, or that he seemed suspiciously fine for someone who had been locked in the storage closet for two weeks with no social interaction.
With my last few lingering brain cells still clinging on, I studied the boy.
There were no signs of bruises or scratches.
His eyes seemed normal, not diluted or half lidded.
Unable to stop myself, I jumped off of my desk and joined the others, where Kaz was already interrogating the guy.
“WHAT–”
Imogen nudged him, and he lowered his voice, leaning against the wall. “What did he do to you?”
Roman shrugged, rolling his eyes. “Relax, dude. He didn't do anything to me.”
“Then what was that yell?” Imogen hissed.
The boy cocked his head. “Yell?”
“You yelled out,” Kaz folded his arms, narrowing his eyes. He was already suspecting one of us had been compromised– or worse, brainwashed into compliance. Kaz stepped closer, backing Roman into the desk. “You cried out when you first went in there,” he murmured, “So, what was that?”
Something in Roman’s eyes darkened. “Oh,” He said, his lip curling. “That.”
Kaz’s expression softened. He rested his hands on the boy’s shoulders. “Yeah,” He whispered. “What did he do to you?”
Imogen shoved Kaz out of the way, shooting the boy a glare.
“You don't have to tell us, you know.” She said in a small voice. “If it's too traumatising, or he did something you don't want to talk about–”
Roman cut her off with a laugh, and suddenly, all eyes were on him.
The remaining nine of us were eagerly awaiting an explanation.
“Are you fucking serious?”
When Kaz didn't respond, Roman gathered us in a kind of hustle, the four of us grouped together. I felt like I was on the football field. Still, though, if the guy’s goal was to look as suspicious as possible, he was doing a great job.
Roman studied each of us, one eyebrow cocked. When Mr Brighton glanced up from his work, Roman shot him a grin, lowering his voice to a hiss.
“You seriously think our fifty year old physics teacher has been abusing me in the storage closet?
“Then why did you cry out?” Kaz demanded. “Did he hit you?”
Roman stuck out his bottom lip. “I'm pretty sure he didn't hit me.”
“So, you cried out for no reason.”
“Why are you covering for him?” Imogen poked his forehead. “Are you lobotomised?”
Roman wafted her hand away. “Stop prodding me, and no, I'm 100% good.” He backed away from us, like we were observers, and he was the zoo attraction.
“I won't be, if you keep treating me like I'm senile.”
“Okay, fine,” Kaz sighed. “Just answer one.”
“Shoot.”
“When you first went in there, you made an unmistakable sound of distress–”
“Not this again,” Roman groaned. “Of course I yelled! I was shoved into a pitch black storage closet on my own! What, did you expect me to stay silent?”
Kaz didn't look convinced, Imogen nervously sucking her teeth.
The boy leaned back, resting his head against the wall. His eyes flickered shut.
“Stop looking at me like that, there's nothing to tell you,” he murmured, “Brighton didn't do shit to me. I was just freaked out.” Prying one eye open, he fixed us with a glare. “I am so sorry for reacting like a human. Next time, I'll make sure to attack him and pin him to the ground.”
It's not like we believed him. I don't think Roman believed himself.
Something significant had changed in him. He was no longer argumentative, like half of his personality had been torn away. Roman set a precedent. Because once he was following instructions and walking around with a dazed smile, others began to follow. I can't remember how much time had passed since I thought about escaping.
Days and weeks and months had collapsed into fleeting seconds I only noticed when I wasn't playing games.
I wasn't aware of my own lack of sanity until I found myself, on a random SaturWednesday. I was laughing, gathered with the others on the floor, around a Monopoly board. The game had been going on for almost a week.
Reality hit me when I was laughing so hard I tipped back.
I can't remember why I was laughing. I think Imogen told a bad joke.
“Hand it over.” Roman, who was the King of Monopoly, held out his hand, demanding my last 250 bucks. I remember noticing his smile, my foggy brain trying to find hints that he was in some kind of trance, or being controlled by Brighton. But no. His smile was real.
Genuine.
To my shock and confusion, so was mine.
I wasn't in a trance or any type of mind manipulation. I was completely conscious.
Was this… Stockholm syndrome? I thought dizzily.
Was I enjoying this?
My thoughts were like cotton candy, disconnected and wrong, and they barely felt like my own. My gaze found Imogen and Kaz, the two of them sitting shoulder to shoulder, enveloped in the game.
They looked exactly the same, their hair, clothes, everything about them staying stagnant. It was them themselves who had drastically changed. I had never seen them look so carefree. Imogen was a hotheaded cheerleader, and Kaz was the smart kid who gave himself nosebleeds from overworking himself. But now, they were laughing, nudging each other, caught up in an inside joke. Blinking slowly, my gaze strayed on them.
Sure, it could be manipulation. It could be brainwashing. But it could also be real.
Kaz caught my eye, raising a brow.
“You good, Christa?”
Shaking my head, I nodded.
Again, my smile felt real. Like I was having fun.
“Good. It's your turn.”
I picked up the dice, throwing them across the board.
Two sixes.
“I can already see her landing on one of my hotels.” Roman murmured. He sat up, resting his chin on his knees. “As the clear winner, I have a proposition.”
Ignoring him, I moved my piece– immediately landing on Park Place.
“I'll give you 500,” Roman announced, “If you give up New York avenue.”
“That's all I've got!”
Imogen nudged me. “Don't do it. If you give him New York Avenue, he only needs one more.”
“One thousand.” Roman waved the notes in my face.
“My final offer.”
When I reached for the cash, he held it back.
“New York Avenue, he said, with a grin.
“And your pride.”
Reluctantly, I handed my only property over.
Kaz threw the dice and moved his piece, and I half remembered we had an escape plan. “Community chest.” Kaz picked up a card. “Go straight to jail.”*
Roman spluttered. “That's karma,” he said, “For stealing from the bank.”
“You were stealing too!”
We had a plan.
We had…. a plan.
After discussing it in detail, Imogen and I were going to try and get onto Brighton’s laptop. It wasn't a perfect way to escape, but it was coherent.
So, what happened?
We were going to get out, so what… what was this?
Kaz’s earlier words hit me from months ago.
“Mr Brighton *is the thing keeping us here,”* he explained. “If we kill him, I'm like, 98% sure we’ll go back to normal.”
“Okay, and what if he dies and we’re *stuck?”* Imogen whisper-shrieked.
“I said 98% for a reason. Yes, there's a small chance his power will die with him. But there's a bigger chance that its effects will die when he does.”
Ren nodded slowly. “Right, and where exactly did you learn this information?”
“You'll feel a lot better if I don't answer that.”
“Okay.” Ren gritted his teeth. “So, we just need to find a weapon, right?”
“And don't tell Hemlock,” Kaz rolled his eyes. “I don't care what he says, that boy definitely had his mind fucked with. Hemlock is a liability. If we tell Roman, he tells Brighton, and we’re screwed.” Kaz nodded to me, then the others. “Keep your mouths shut.”
Presently, I wasn't sure the boy wanted to escape.
Slowly, I rolled my eyes over to Mr Brighton, who had joined us to play.
He was happily marking papers, taking part when he could.
It felt…right.
Not like we had been forced or manipulated, but more like he belonged. Part of me wanted to question why I felt like this, but I found that I didn't care. I didn't care that we were essentially dead, in a never ending stasis and stuck inside fifty two minutes past two. I stopped thinking about the outside world a long time ago.
I couldn't even remember my Mom’s face.
I made my decision, dazedly watching Imogen throw a chance card at Roman.
He flung one back, threatening to tip the board.
I wanted to stay.
In the corner of my eye, however, someone was still awake.
Ren, who had been sitting next to me, kept moving, further and further away. I didn't notice until he was inching towards our teacher, a box cutter clenched between his fist. There must have been a point when we found a box cutter, when we made it our weapon of choice.
But somewhere along the way, I think we just… lost the longing to want to escape.
I didn't see the exact moment the boy stabbed the blade into the man's neck, plunging it through his flesh, but I did feel a sudden jolt, like time itself was starting to falter and tremble.
Mr Brighton dropped to the ground, and I found my gaze flashing to the frozen clock.
Which was moving, suddenly.
Slowly creeping towards 2:53pm.
Something sticky ran underneath me, warm and wet.
Blood.
Blood that was running.
Roman’s half lidded eyes found mine, and he blinked, dropping the dice.
Like he'd been asleep for a long time.
2:53pm.
We were free.
The cool spring breeze grazing my cheeks was back. I could feel my own heartbeat, sticky sweat on my forehead.
And outside, Jessie Carson let out a gut-churning scream.
For a disorienting moment, I don't think any of us believed we were free.
Roman twisted around, his gaze on the doorway.
The piece of paper the teacher had stuck to the glass slipped away.
But Roman’s gaze was glued to the door, his cheeks paling.
His lips parted into a silent cry.
Following his eyes, I glimpsed a shadow.
A shadow that was frozen at 2:52pm.
2:53pm.
“Fuck.” Roman whispered, stumbling to his feet.
He turned to the rest of us, his eyes wild.
“Get DOWN!”
When the thing crashed through the door, our classroom exploding around us, chairs splintering against the walls, I was already dropping to my knees, crawling under a desk. It took me a moment to understand I was already kneeling in what was left of Imogen.
Her body had been hollowed out, singed straight through.
I was crawling through pieces of her flesh, mounds of her bisected brain.
Keeping my hand over my mouth, I watched this… thing.
A bulbous black monster, chewing its way through my classmates. Blood splattered the walls, raining from the ceiling, and that same striking pain ripped through my gut, agonising enough to force a cry through my lips.
My frantic gaze found the clock.
2:54pm.
Lurching forwards, I heaved up what was left of my lunch, agonising pain wrenching my stomach back and forth.
I jumped when another body joined me, thankfully alive, squeezing under the desk.
Roman, his face slick and dripping scarlet.
When the thing was gone, neither of us moved.
3:05pm.
“What are those things?” I managed to get out.
“I don't know,” Roman whimpered, covering his mouth. “But they're everywhere.”
3:10pm.
Another thing found our classroom. This time I saw it up close, a giant, bulbous black thing with an eye stalk. It knew we were there, peeking under the desk we were hiding. But it didn't kill us.
The thing left the room, stopping to gorge on half of Ren’s torso.
Roman shot me a questioning look, but I could only be relieved.
3:15pm.
Roman threw up black slime all over me.
He caught my eye, swiping his mouth. “Well, that can't be good.”
The pain in my gut was getting harder to deal with.
3:20pm.
“Did you have chicken nuggets for lunch?” Roman murmured. He got a little too close, his breath on my neck.
I had to suck in my stomach to stop the pain.
I was going hot and cold, sweat dripping down the back of my neck.
“Why?” I hissed back, taking deep, shaky breaths.
“I dunno,” Roman murmured, “I can smell them on your breath.”
His teeth grazed my flesh, sending shivers down my spine.
“Weird… huh.”
3:30pm.
Roman nudged me.
“Fuck.” He hissed. “Is that Kaz?”
Following his gaze, I found the remnants of Kaz under a crushed desk starting to… convulse.
“Was he bitten?” I whispered.
Roman’s eyes were a strange color. “Maybe.”
3:35pm
“Mr Brighton.” I was on my knees, sobbing, shaking my physics teacher.
“Mr Brighton! Take us back!”
I squeezed his ice cold hand for dear life.
“Say, ‘stop’,” I whispered “Please!”
3:40pm.
The thing that found me didn't attack me. It sat there, head cocked, watching me roll around on the floor, the pain writhing through me. I watched its transformation in short bursts, consciousness swimming in and out.
When I found light again, the thing was sitting cross legged next to me, chewing on a human arm. Maybe I was hallucinating. I watched it for a long time, trying to figure out why it was wearing strips of Roman’s white shirt.
3:52pm.
No longer in the school, I was in the back of an ambulance, a lady screaming in my face. I could see the time on her watch. She told me I was going to be okay, and I think I was. But I wasn't sure how to tell her she smelled good.
Like chicken.
It's been three months since my teacher froze time.
Mr Brighton wasn't imprisoning us. He was protecting us.
I'm still alive, but I have to take regular shots. I think they're just in case I was infected by those things.
I asked Mom if the incident has been on the news, but there's no coverage.
According to the people in white who treated me, everything has been covered up. According to the Mayor, ten kids died in a gas leak.
No mention of the monstrous things hunting us down…
Our town is just a blip on the map. You can't find us. I wish you could, though.
I need help.
I'm terrified of myself.
I’m not going to tell Mom she smells like chicken, because she'll freak out.
Last night, someone, or something knocked on my window.
When I turned on the light, a single, bulging eye was staring at me through the glass.
I still don't know why it was crying.

Spoilers ahead…
Dear Karthik Subbaraj,
Congratulations on yet another interesting movie, and for resisting the impulse to name this one, too, after a food item. Iraivi is an unusual feminist film, in the sense that it’s seen entirely through the prism of sympathetic male characters. Your men aren’t monsters who drink or cheat on their wives or subject them to torture. They do these things, yes, but… differently. Arul (SJ Surya) drinks, but only to drown out his sense of failure – he’s a director and his film is in the cans, being held hostage by a sadistic producer. Michael (Vijay Sethupathi) has sex with Malarvizhi (Pooja Devariya), and he continues to lust after her after his marriage to Ponni (Anjali) – I love that all your women have names that suggest classical heroines, including Arul’s wife Yazhini (Kamalini Mukherjee) – but it’s a marriage he committed to in a hurry and he still hasn’t reconciled himself to it. He’s being a bastard, certainly, but he’s not a one-note villain. And the torture they inflict isn’t the stubbing-a-cigarette-into-the-wife’s-bare-arm variety. It’s more mental than physical.
So we get women who are collateral damage – and I include Arul’s comatose mother (Vadivukkarasi), and the nurse who’s not allowed to do her duty – of men being men. They’re being babies, really. Yazhini tells Arul that he should get on with his life, write another story, make another movie. He says it’s like her trying to have another child while still pregnant with their daughter. (Yes, all these men end up with girl children.) He’s a wallower – but maybe all artists are. You like to do that, don’t you Karthik? Even in a film like this, you deliver a commentary about filmmaking and the artist. Why, even Arul’s father is a sculptor, and though we never see him ill-treating his wife (thank you for sparing us the clichés of raised hands and raised voices), we’re informed that he’s responsible for her state. His son’s following the father’s footsteps. Maybe you’re trying to say that the wives of obsessed artists are doomed to become collateral damage. Your films make us think, Karthik, so thank you for that.
All your stories have at their centre a filmmaker, or at least (in the case of your first film, Pizza) a storyteller. And through them, we seem to hear your voice. “Works of art should not be in places where they are not respected.” “Namma padam pesanum, naama pesa koodadhu.” You compare masala movies to a massage with a happy ending. (I laughed, but please don’t judge me when I say I rather like massages with happy endings – I refer to masala movies, of course.) We even get a line of dialogue about Dolby Atmos. (What will the B/C-centre audience make of this, Karthik? But then you don’t really give a shit, do you? More power to you.) And you like your insider jokes. That crass, egoistic producer who does not care about art – he reminded me of the crass producer from your earlier film, Jigarthanda. You like Rajinikanth too. You referenced Thillu Mullu in Pizza, Thalapathi in Jigarthanda, and now you have Arul singing Malayala karayoram, Michael singing Oorai therinjikitten.
Or is that more of an Ilayaraja homage? You like to keep the audience guessing, right? When the Bobby Simha character in Jigarthanda said he was a Shankar-Ganesh fan, it appeared that you were mocking the endless Ilayaraja nods in Tamil cinema, but here you are, doffing your hat to the maestro. “Raja Raja dhaan.” Arul says this… twice. (By the way, which is that nightclub which plays Maanguyile poonguyile? Do let us know.) And the reuse of Unnai thaane – first in a scene between Michael and Malarvizhi; later in a scene between Michael and Ponni – is the kind of Easter egg we come to your films for. Let me list some others, though I’ll probably need to watch the film a second (or third) time to get them all. The name of the bachelors’ quarters is Ambal Mansion – it goes with your theme and title. I didn’t get the bit about the windmills (something connected to the gust of wind that makes the row of cycles fall over in the first scene?), or why you showcased the book of Shanta Shishunala Sharif’s poems. (I confess. I Googled up that name. I can’t remember the last time a Tamil film made me Google something up. Madras, maybe.) And despite your note at the beginning that Iraivi is inspired by the works of K Balachander (he made female-centric films, but I don’t know if I’d call them feminist films), this is really more of an ode to Mani Ratnam, isn’t it? Specifically, Aayidha Ezhuthu. The three men, one of them – the impulsive one – named Michael. The film starting out as Arul’s story, then becoming Michael’s story, and finally Jagan’s (Bobby Simha) story. The finale with the woman on the train. Plus, the arc of the Madhavan-Meera Jasmine plot was essentially about being easily misled (in the case of the man) and becoming collateral damage (in the case of the woman.) And yes, the rain. All that rain. As though the skies were weeping for these women.
Am I digressing, Karthik? If I am, I’m just following your style, which is the opposite of simple and linear. As a result, I find your films longer than they need to be. (You may feel the same about my reviews.) For instance, I did not care for the scene in the nightclub where a director is felicitated. I realise it was there as a last straw for Yazhini, but it felt redundant. But I suppose they couldn’t be any other way, because you like these shaggy-dog stories that you then embellish with novelistic detail. I love the way you introduce your characters, the time you take with them. Our films lay out characters and their relationship to each other the minute we set eyes on them, but you make us wait to know how Arul is related to Jagan and where Michael fits in and so on. And when it appeared that a semblance of a plot was kicking in (something about Arul needing money to buy back his film), I dug out my phone and checked: it was a whole hour into the movie. Borrowing an image from Malarvizhi’s profession (oh wait, she’s an artist too; she’s literally an artist), it’s like daubs of paint slowly forming a bigger picture.
And you really like an expansive canvas. Not only does the crass producer have a brother, you also bring in his wife later on, to conclude a deal he began making. These segments practically form a mini-movie, with another woman left reeling by the actions of her man. Your films have this… density. They’re packed – with characters, with complications, with information doled out in bits and pieces. (A character says, “Un kitta onnu sollanum.” And instead of hearing what he has to say, we cut to someone else.) Take the scene where Michael asks Arul for money he is owed. You just need to get Michael to Arul’s antiques shop, so the next part of the plot can be staged. Arul could have told Michael to collect the money at the shop. Instead, this is what we get. Arul tells Michael to wait for a week, when he can get the 50 lakhs he is owed. Michael says he wants only 10 lakhs. Arul says he has only 8 lakhs, he’ll give the remainder later. Michael goes to Arul’s father, in the hospital. He has only 5 lakhs. And he directs Michael to the shop, to get the remaining 3 lakhs. Your signature intercutting adds to this texture, Karthik. Shots of Michael and Arul’s father in the hospital are intercut with shots of Arul hunting for booze. Shots of Michael and Jagan outside a courtroom are intercut with shots of Arul being consoled by his father. Happenings are stretched and meshed the way they would be in real life, and not compacted according to the page-per-minute requirement of screenplay-writing textbooks.
I could never predict where the film was going (win!), what these people were going to do (again, win!) –though I must admit I found this to be the weakest of your “twists.” The subplot about stealing sculptures, too, I found rather conceit-y, something half-heartedly cooked up to fit with the title and the theme, rather than something plausible, something these people would do. When Michael, here, commits murder, with a hammer, I went, “This mild-mannered chap? Really?” But then, even in Jigarthanda, I wasn’t quite convinced that the characters would do the things they did. They seemed to be puppets of a screenplay rather than credible human beings, whose actions evolve organically from who they are (or at least, who they seem to be).
But even if I am not convinced by the overall trajectory of your characters, I love how fleshed-out they are on a moment-to-moment basis. I loved the scene where Arul barges into Yazhini’s house, after their separation, on the day of her engagement to someone else. In a lesser film, she would have asked him to get out, and he’d have dug his heels in, and she’d have cooled down and… But here, she rushes straight into his arms. And you make us see why. She was frustrated, fed up with him. But she’s also confused. Was she hasty in abandoning this man? Should she move on with another man? Does she even need a man? With just this one scene, you’ve compensated for the underwritten heroine of Jigarthanda. The story arc may be Arul’s, but Yazhini registers as a fully formed character. Similarly, Michael’s arc allows for the delineation of Ponni and Malarvizhi, and through Jagan, we get glimpses of his mother, and possibly of all womanhood as viewed by a compassionate man. And then you say that women don’t need even this compassionate man (poor chap!), that they have to emancipate themselves instead of looking for a penis-wielding emancipator. What delicious irony, given that you begin the film with women talking about marriage, tying themselves to a man!
Or not, in the case of Malarvizhi, who is easily the film’s most interesting character. Her husband is dead, and she doesn’t want love anymore – only sex. When Michael buys her a diamond necklace, she gives it back to him – she can buy her own trinkets, thank you very much. But the character feels shoe-horned into the film, Karthik. I felt betrayed – and I bet she did too – that after a point, she was used simply as a plot device to get Michael and Ponni together, and also to illustrate Michael’s (who is now standing in for all of mankind) hypocrisy. I felt she deserved more. And yet, I appreciated your generosity in fleshing her out like all the others, without judging her. She gets to be the rare woman in Tamil cinema who dumps the man, and the way she lets go of Michael is echoed in the way Arul lets go of Yazhini, with a heavy heart and some playacting. A side effect of the Malarvizhi subplot is the reassurance that Vijay Sethupathi is still interested in making cinema, rather than just massy entertainers targeted at the box office.
Ponni gets a better deal (and Anjali is terrific, raw and expressive in a way she has never been). In a great scene – rather, a set of book-ending scenes – Michael tells Ponni that he was forced to marry her, and she’s going to have to “adjust” to this if she wants to be with him. Much later, she throws the “adjust” word back on his bearded face when he asks her if she slept with someone else. In a different kind of movie, we’d be invited to see this symmetry, stand up and applaud. But you’re too subtle for that, Karthik. Iraivi is your subtlest film. Which is why I winced at the melodramatic lines about men and women, most of which came towards the end. Aan, using the long-sounding vowel, versus penn, with the shorter one – for such a visual filmmaker (this is another outstandingly shot film, less showy than Jigarthanda and probably richer for that), do you really need the crutch of linguistic special effects from another era of filmmaking? Also, when the rest of your film is so allusive, isn’t there another way you can explain the twist without having a character resort to such an inelegant information dump?
And why is it that your films come together more in the head than in the heart? Why are they easier to admire than love wholeheartedly? I used to think it was because your characters are essentially deceitful, self-serving and unsympathetic, so though we were invested in what they did, we didn’t really warm up to them. But here, you have Ponni and Yazhini and Malarvizhi – and they’re still remote. But perhaps this is bound to happen when there are so many people, so many strands, when we don’t follow one person’s simplistic “you go, girl” journey like we do in, say, 36 Vayadhinile? But when the parts are so well-crafted, we don’t complain as much about their sum not adding up to a satisfying whole. I am sure that you will, one day, make that wholly satisfying film, but for now, thank you for these parts. Thank you for the ambition. I felt there were too many songs (some good work by Santhosh Narayanan), but thank you for ensuring that they don’t break character, the way songs usually do when a character speaking in his or her voice suddenly segues into the playback singer’s voice. Thank you for giving us SJ Surya, the actor – I never dreamed he had such a capacity to hold a scene, to hold the screen. Thank you for continuing not to sell out. Thank you for trying to do so much, even if not all of it needed to have been tried. And thank you for making me fight with myself, for not making it easy to decide if you’ve made a “good” film or a merely “okay” film. For now, Iraivi is a fascinating film, and that’s enough.
Sincerely, etc.

My name is Emily. I'm from the United States and I wanted to end my 20's with a bang, and I'm happy to say that I ended my 20's in Korea.Actually, Korea was not a country that I had much to do with.Originally, I was a person who was immersed in Japanese culture since college.Japanese anime became my friend. There's a lot of interesting things about Japanese anime, like the fact that they depict real places in Japan, and they depict real food, and so I fell in love with Japan, and I even traveled to Japan a couple times, and I thought that Japan was the sum of everything that I longed for.
But then, in my late 20s, I met a friend who would change my life. It was a simple meeting with a long-lost college classmate, Sarah, who had gone on to work at a large firm in New York City, and whom I had shared anime and Japanese food with in my dorm room in college. She told me honestly that she had recently traveled to Korea and was seriously thinking about moving there. Unfortunately, the large company she worked for in New York had recently gone through a business crisis, and she was laid off.
She said that she was confused by the sudden betrayal of a well-known company, and to clear her mind, she went to the airport with the intention of leaving anywhere. She thought she would go to Japan, but when she arrived at the airport, she changed her mind. When she thought back to the places and restaurants she frequented most often while working at the company in New York, she remembered that she often went to Korean streets and Korean supermarkets in New York, and she thought that going to Korea on an impromptu trip was a really good idea, so she chose to go to Korea rather than Japan, which she already knew.
And buying a plane ticket on the spot at the airport was more than twice as expensive as booking a ticket in advance, but Sarah said that she didn't care, because she was depressed after being fired from her job, and she went to the airport to leave, but the curiosity about Korea that came over her made her want to leave right away, even if she had to pay for the expensive plane ticket.
He expressed that although he went to the airport courageously, he knew that the plane ticket would be too expensive, and he thought that maybe he should just go back home again, but his curiosity about Korea came from somewhere deep inside him, and it exploded like a bomb, and he was naturally drawn to it.
Sarah, who likes emotional things like essays and poems in college and enjoys such poetic expressions, but even so, I wondered if it was a little overdone, but when she said that she had been to Korea, I became more focused on her story.
However, I was able to understand why she expressed herself in such an over-the-top way after listening to her Korean stories.
"Korea is an amazing place, the people are so kind and warm, and most of all, the employment system is very well organized. There are many programs and support for job seekers, which is very helpful for people who are in a difficult situation like me."
When Sarah started with this story, I realized that she was really traumatized by being laid off.Now, she had been through a big ordeal and was in the process of recovering from it through Korea, so I decided to focus more on her story."You said you traveled to Korea, so what else did you do?" I asked."For example, what kind of programs were there?" I asked her.
"I happened to visit a job fair in Korea," she said, "where job seekers can get free career counseling and get the training they need." "I got a lot of help there, and it gave me the strength to get back on my feet, and maybe even get a job in Korea." "And most of all, the work culture in Korea is really family-like," she said, "I was impressed by how much my coworkers cared about each other and supported each other."
Sarah said that she was curious about what Korea was like, so she visited a large convention center in Korea and participated in various fairs, one of which was a job fair, and she interviewed with several Korean companies, and the Korean companies were ready to accept her as a colleague if she applied as an American. I also learned that Korea has many companies with global reach, and they are open to foreigners with various experiences, but in Korea, unless it is a large company, people don't prefer them, so if it is a small company, they want foreigners, but there is a sad reality that no one applies.
Unlike in the U.S., where you have to report your performance every week, and if you fall short, you are threatened with termination, Korean companies are definitely not more performance-oriented than in the U.S. They value their employees and do everything together to grow together, not threaten them with termination. In the past, I knew that corporate culture in Asian countries such as Korea was more collectivistic than individualistic, and as a student, I thought that such a collectivistic culture was a bad culture with a high level of disease in Asia, but after experiencing social life in the United States, I heard that the tendency of companies to be extremely individualistic, talking about job insecurity, and treating people ruthlessly, caused me to be fired from a good job overnight, and the future plans I had planned in advance became uncertain, and I even talked about envying the Korean culture that does not have such disadvantages.
Sarah, who has never worked in Korea, but was always afraid of being fired, said that she learned a lot about Korean corporate culture by interviewing many Korean company officials.
She said that she even considered settling down and living in Korea because, besides the culture, there were so many other conveniences and benefits.
She talked about her experience of working in New York, being left alone in the office to get things done because of her performance, having to leave late at night and being afraid to go home, sleeping in the hotel next door, and having to live with the exorbitant rent in Manhattan and the two-hour round-trip commute to work, and how she realized that unlike in the U.S., where it is difficult to see a doctor, she would not have to worry about these things in Korea.
Sarah's story made me even more curious about Korea.The warmth, systematic system, and various charms that she experienced in Korea couldn't help but have a great impact on me.I've been experiencing a lot of stress every day due to the pressure of performance and the threat of being fired, and I've recently been undergoing expensive psychotherapy.I decided to learn more about Korea, and eventually decided to travel to Korea.
Of course, I didn't travel to Korea with the intention of moving to Korea or settling down in Korea, but rather to spend my last 20s in a new country, Korea, and to see a different world than the familiar Japan.
I made my preparations and headed to Korea sooner than I expected, arriving ten days before my birthday and extending my itinerary beyond what I had originally planned, staying in Korea until after my birthday and then flying back to the United States.
The first day I finally arrived in Korea, I started walking around the streets of Seoul.The first thing that greeted me was the warm spring weather in Korea.The sky was clear and the air was crisp.I was told that it is common for Asia to have very bad air quality in the spring due to the influence of China, but I didn't have to deal with that during my trip.
The streets of Korea are very different from the United States, and everything was new to me.There were many beautiful flowers in bloom, and the well-maintained trees were really beautiful.It has been a long time since the common people's neighborhoods in the United States have such beautiful landscaping because of people who destroy these trees and flowers for no reason, or secretly take them and sell them.But this was not the case in Korea.The streets were like a beautiful flower garden.
I was walking down a beautiful street lined with flowers, and I was looking at them, looking at the big big map that was displayed on the screen at the bus stop.I was just curious to see what my neighborhood looked like, so I was looking at the map and taking my time, and a middle-aged woman came up to me and said, "Where are you looking for?" She didn't speak fluent English, but I was so grateful that she was trying to help. I was too embarrassed to tell her that I was just looking at the map, so I told her one of the destinations I was planning to go to, and she gave me direct directions to the place I was looking for, and I was able to get there without any difficulty.This unexpected kindness opened my eyes to the Korean people and warmed my heart at the same time.
I was ready to accept everything in Korea with an open mind.The first impression was very good, I was touched by the kindness of the people.I couldn't ask for anything more from Korea.The food was so fresh and amazing to me.I visited Gwangjang Market, a famous traditional market in Korea.
Unlike a regular restaurant, it was a place where you could sit down and try a variety of food. As a traditional market, it was full of Korean food. There were no pizza, pasta, or burger joints, but I liked it better that way. It was a place where you could see the traditional look and feel curious about everything.
I also tasted foods such as tteokbokki sundae and hotteok.Everything else was fine, but I was a little worried when I first tried sundae because it looked so strange and a little gross, but I decided to give it a try and the moment I put it in my mouth, the rich flavor filled my mouth.Korean food often seems difficult to eat, but when you try it, you can see why it is so popular in Korea.
I stayed at Gwangjang Market for a long time and tried a lot of different foods, especially kimchi and pajeon, which I still remember because of their crispy texture and spicy flavor. I would recommend them to everyone.Experiencing the deep flavors of Korean food firsthand made me fall in love with Korean food.
And then there was a shocking thing that happened to me in Korea.I was having a lot of fun traveling around Korea and everything was interesting, because Korea is really the best place to be, you know, you're running around, you're busy, you're going from place to place, and I had the misfortune of losing my passport, which was really stupid.
I was traveling in Korea, and I got an international call. Someone was calling me from Korea, and when I saw the international call indicator on my phone and realized that the call was from Korea, I had a million questions.
I thought I shouldn't answer the call, but then I realized that it was an international call, and I thought maybe they were calling me because they had some business to take care of. I answered the call, and I was told a really crazy story, because I heard a calm English voice asking if it was Emily, and she introduced herself as a police officer and asked if I could come to the nearest police station.
I thought I had done something terribly wrong, because I had just eaten delicious tteokbokki and sundae, kimchi and pajeon, and I was so happy to eat them, and afterward I was just walking around the streets of Korea, smelling the flowers and seeing the pretty trees.
I started to check my belongings one by one and realized that my small pouch containing my passport and some of the money I had exchanged was missing.
I quickly headed to the police station, which was where I was told to go, and from the front gate, I was controlled as to what I was visiting.
The great thing about Korea is that even for someone like me who doesn't speak Korean, it's not difficult to navigate these government offices. Not all Koreans speak English, but at least the ones I've met have been able to communicate with me in a simple way. Even if they don't speak perfect sentences, they understand most of the words, so I was able to communicate the reason for my visit to the police station.
I had never been to a police station before, even in the U.S., but here I was in Korea, and I was greeted by friendly people.The pouch with my passport in it had my contact information written on the inside, and they said they would contact me with that.The bag was found in a marketplace, and the first person to report it was the stall owner of the place where I had my first sundae.It also had all of my clean, new Korean money in it, which I had exchanged separately.
I was so impressed with how conscientious Koreans are and how good they are that I was able to find the pouch, sign the paperwork, and walk out of the police station.
I went back to Gwangjang Market, and when I got there, the owner recognized me and looked like he was about to say something. I held out the bag and showed it to him, and he smiled and liked it.
I thanked the Korean boss, and we ate another snack on the spot. It was an experience that made me realize how heavenly Korea is.
And like Sarah said, I didn't just want to see how clean and pretty Korea is, I wanted to see what an American working in Korea could do and what life would be like.Through the Reddit community, I was able to get in touch with Americans working in Korea and even met some of them in person.
David, the American I met, works for a company that is not a large Korean company, but rather a small or medium-sized company. As Sarah said, Korea is a country where products are produced for the global market, and many things are actually exported overseas.
However, in Korea, unless it is a large company, every company is experiencing a job shortage, and because of the atmosphere in Korea, where foreigners are not welcome at all, it is not difficult to get a job in a company that specializes in exporting overseas, even if you are in the United States.
And David told me that he put all his passion into the first company he worked for in the U.S., and even made a lot of money for the company, but when he didn't perform, the company fired him without mercy, and he said that he was so shocked, not to mention the feeling of betrayal, that he took depression medication at that time, and it was so hard that he took depression medication, and then he found Korea by chance and settled in Korea, and now he is so happy. He told me that he was fired from his job because of the unrelenting treatment in the U.S., that he found a second chance in Korea, and that he is happy with his life here.
I'm not sure I have the courage to move to Korea right now, but I learned that there are a lot of people like Sarah and David who have been hurt so badly that they end up leaving the country. I'm scared that this could be my future, but I also learned that Korea is an option for me if it happens to me.My trip ended like this: experiencing the culture, food, and hospitality of Korea, and getting to meet and talk to Americans living in Korea, made my trip much more rewarding than my trip to Japan, which could have been an anime trip.
Korea has given me new perspectives and experiences, shattered my notion that Japan is only good, broadened my horizons, and opened my eyes to another gem that is Korea.
I now like to say to my friends, "Go to Korea, you'll see how good it is." Korea has taught me so much, and I will cherish my experience in Korea, which now holds a special place in my heart.
If Sarah goes to Korea and settles down, I will be there to congratulate her and support her in her new relationship in Korea.

The rift between them has caused a lot of tension in my family and now my mom wants to be in the life of her newborn grandson but refuses to address or try to mend things with my wife.
Little history: I probably introduced them too quickly. My grandmother was in town in south Florida about to move here from Illinois for a retirement community. My wife, girlfriend at the time, came with cookies or some form of baked goods like she usually does when visiting someone as a sign of affection and respect. Where it went wrong from here I have no idea. I suppose the initial crack was when wife scheduled a skitrip for her and I to have as a 1 year of dating anniversary present. We are not rich, this is a huge gift that made sense to her since I refused to let her pay rent. Our combines salaries are barely over 120k. So wife calls mom 6 months in advance because she is a planner for the sole purpose of asking my mom to watch one of our four dogs. Wife has already paid in full for the trip. Yet Mom decides it is a great idea to instead use the opportunity to hop on and take a family trip because it is the last time the family will have for a family vacation - I am the oldest of two boys and two stepsisters, my mom married the guy she left my father for who has twin girls of his own that were in the womb during the infidelity. Anyway mom completely takes over and decides to make our one year gift a family vacation, so she books tickets for a hotel nearby. Wife is bold but at the time not bold enough to stop my mom in her tracks for overstepping a boundary. At this time she still respected my mother and kind of let herself get steamrolled.
Probably skippable Family history: Now I have always had issues with my mother, resentment for leaving my father for my stepdad behind my own fathers back and constantly trying to keep brother and I from seeing “Disneyland dad who doesn’t do any of the work but gets all the fun.” my mother was very strict growing up, always bringing us to church and making my father feel guilty for not bringing brother and I on his weekend. So mom marries stepdad age 11, divorces him around 13 after asking me advice for her relationship and i encourage her to move out. Then remarries him and moves us back into his house age 15. Here I begin rebellion and normal teeenager stuff but stepdad won’t butt in because he isn’t my “biological father” so would have my mom intervene brother and i from behind the scenes. For example, I am young and messing around on the piano because music is important and I never had any formal training and mom comes in to tell me stepdad “wants to know when the concert is going to end because it is a little annoying.” Anyway, they have me prescribed adderall at 16 and in the parking lot holding my first prescription I am told that they would like me to move out and in with my father, who had chased us every time mom and stepdad moved several miles away (5 moves from age 5-15 all in one county). Anyway, brother and I are recovering alcoholics with (my) slipups triggered from interactions or visiting my mom, which mom claims is genetics from my father alone and has nothing to do with her. Maternal grandfather, mother, and I have some nasty temper problems which certainly are exacerbated by drinking (at least mine and moms).
Skitrip revelations: Wife and I are on the way to brothers graduation in Chicago, and wife has yet to reveal to me that my mother has taken over her massive investment of a couples ski vacation and it will now be a family vacation for mom, stepdad, brother, two stepsisters who are all getting out of gradschool. On the way to the airport I am told the news by future wife of my one year surprise. So I get upset and call my mom to call it off. She obliges my request and now holds resentment against me and now wife for “ruining her last family vacation.” Fine, whatever. Mother never says a word about it for months until we are out for a distant family members birthday dinner and at a table of about 8-10 people that are having a group conversation and gets real close to my wife’s ear and tells her privately along the lines of “you deprived our family of our last family vacation.” During this time my wife is frantically tapping my leg under the table because my mom can get a little aggressive. My mom saw this and later (privately to me) mocked her for doing it to my leg under the table.
Christmas blessings: Closer to Christmas maybe 2/3 weeks later we went to go see my mom and my mom had a couple drinks in her (not an alcoholic like brother and I just very sensitive to a couple glasses of wine and occasionally some hidden sips of wine or something) and invites my wife to Christmas church and out to dinner after because the family needs photos for a Christmas card and future wife “will be the photographer for it.” Now this can easily be a nothing comment but given the way my mom had been making future wife feel, it was taken as an insult. So wife declined church and showed up to family dinner just in time for photography session to be over.
The distance: Then mom moves to a fancy house up the coast and invites us up to visit. At first it is ok to bring the 4 dogs then the day before she says they will not have dogs at the house and we can easily find a sitter. 2 Dogs don’t get along, they need to be separated always as there has been two attacks on one from the other, so we can’t trust someone to come to the house and keep them separate and we won’t board 4 dogs it’s too expensive for us. Anyway we go back and forth being invited with the dogs then they retract the offer and say pick one dog to bring and leave the others and it’s just annoying, so we say forget it and don’t go. But my brother becomes engaged and decides to throw his engagement party at my mom’s new place near the beach. Great. First all the dogs are welcome, then day before they say it is too chaotic and she will pay for a small hotel room for one night for future wife and her dogs and my one (the attack dog) can stay in a crate at the house with me but I may not leave the dog to stay with her. And no reasonable cheap hotel in the area is going to accommodate 4 dogs. Anyway wife is stressed but feels obligated to come because I am the best man and I stay at the house while she checks her dogs into the hotel. Wife had made a cheesecake and brought it up in a separate car from me, 4 hour drive by the way, and night of.. my mom says no desserts for engagement party dinner, the dessert is themed or some crazy stuff. Wife shows up to dinner a little later and very flustered because of the situation plus I had relapsed on a bottle of whiskey a couple days prior to seeing my mom. Related, I don’t know. Anyway. Mom has had a couple drinks and future wife and I are talking about having children and religion comes up. Mom asks what we were thinking of doing about baptism or not and I jokingly said (guiltily to get on my moms nerves a bit) that he would have a bris and would love it if she would come to the bar mitzvah. now my wife’s mom was forced to convert from Catholicism to Judaism for her own mother in laws acceptance for a failed marriage so wife is not religious, but it hurt my wife and reasonably so when my mom replied “oh, son, I raised you better than that.” Still no acknowlegement of fault from that comment and mom thinks wife is “overly sensitive, dramatic, and childish” for wanting an apology for it.
Weddings: Future wife becomes current wife. We had gotten engaged on our next anniversary trip she planned for us. I proposed on our bike and barge through tulip season in holland with our feet in the water of the North Sea after a picnic in the dunes. her family business manufactures photo albums for professional photographers, so aside from our families all being divorced, estranged, difficult, and us trying to save money, we did not have a wedding, we just did the paperwork within a month of the proposal. I had already decided to have a baby with her before the trip so we were trying. 2 weeks before brothers wedding in Tennessee we become pregnant, so we break news immediately as to not steal limelight from brothers expensive wedding. Mom says she will cover cost of rental car so we can save money. Ok great. She books the tiny car and we pack it and head up the Smokey mountains to the cabins we are staying at. Two cabins for grooms family, one for his mother and one for his father, ten paces from each other: they havnt spoken but twice im since divorce in 1995 but through lawyers. Grandmother, mother, stepdad, 2 stepsisters and one boyfriend stayed in mom’s side. Wife and I stay at father’s side cabin with just his wife. His Wife’s 3 daughters and family’s stayed a town away down the mountain among extended family. Anyway, beautiful wedding takes place. My wife is sent into town to collect flowers and run errands for my mom which she happily obliged to since she is a solitary person and did not want wedding day drama. Day after, we are loading our rental sedan with our bags. Mom and grandma need a ride to the airport and our flight is before theirs so they will drop off the car for us 4 hours or so after we go to the airport 5 hours from current time. We’re loading the car. Stepcousin passed out in mother’s cabin night before and needed a ride. Disorganized brunch for 20 people is trying to be made. Father’s wife’s daughter books a reservation for 10 people which include her family, her sisters, me, my wife, dad, and their mom. My stepdad had left for home at this point as he had taken his own suv instead of flying with my mom and 90 year old grandma. So mom is trying to pack grandma in the car with bags and my wife and stepcousin. At this point mother asks stepmother if she and grandma are on reservation for the brunch. Stepmom says no they are not, she wasn’t sure of their plans. Mom says under her breath “fucking assholes, so typical,” and she goes into a bit of a rage to which my stepmom says here “it’s ok I will call and add you two it’s no big deal.” So we continue packing the car and realize we won’t all fit. So my wife tells my stepcousin to go ride with my father to the restaurant 10 minutes away we will meet you there. Mom says to wife, “no you go with the father.” Wife says “no I am going to ride with my husband” mom gets close to her face with her finger and says “this is my car, you can fucking Uber!” Wife is 6 weeks pregnant at this point and it all escalated from here. wife and mother start yelling at each other swearing at each other and we get into the car, mom behind wife who was in shotgun. 2 occasions on the trip I had to stop the car because mom had taken off her seatbelt to stand over the seat and scream in my wife’s face with so much vigor that spit came on to her face multiple times. I’m trying to tell them both to behave and mom sit down shut the f up. Mom is telling wife to get the f out of the car and find a ride, she has no right to speak because she’s “new here” (dating and living together for 3 years at this point). The following brunch she apologized in a crowd with a hushed voice at a table of 20 people trying to have a group conversation again privately to my wife “I’m sorry you get so upset” and my wife told her “that is not an apology.” The following several hours in the car with grandma and stepcousin and wife were some of the most uncomfortable moments of my life. At a gas station I pulled my mom aside and said I need ther to give a huge apology, that it was so nasty and inappropriate, my brother and I are used to abusive language and aggressive behavior but to my pregnant wife and any other human being it is disgusting and unacceptable. Sitting in the car was quiet for many hours until we got to the airport. No speaking about what happened just mom happy go lucky about Tennessee and Dollywood and wife and I in shock, cousin still half in the bag from a fun wedding, grandma 90 years old probably confused about what happened.
The family groupchat: Im waiting on an apology from my mother to my wife who is extremely hurt and expressed to my mom loads of time she needs to reach out and apologize. We’re not talking until she will do so. It is bugging me and keeping me up at night. My appendix flares up and I am admitted to the hospital with emergency appendectomy. Still pregnant Wife suggests I reach out to mom to let her know what’s going on. So I text mom I’m at the hospital and will have surgery. I send a pic or something that on my end says hasn’t gone through. Mom group texts our family group with stepdad, his daughters, brother and his wife, and grandma that I am in the hospital and attaches the pic I sent of me in there. Then she continues to rave about the success of her startup company and how they got FDA approved clinical trials finally completed or some pivotal moment that made the text about her. Wife and I are in a hospital so the picture comes up on moms end as unable to have been sent. Mom assumes that my wife has blocked her phone, so mom removes my wife from the chat. Wife is rushing home to take care of the dogs at this point and is not alerted on her phone, but on everyone else’s phone it clearly reads “(mom) has removed (wife) from the chat.” Immediately I text my mom and basically say how dare you do that to her she is the one who insisted I let you know out of respect and mom responds with blah blah she did this she did that I will not have it. So I go back to the family chat and remove mother. At this point I let everyone in the chat know what my mother has done and how she refuses to take responsibility for how she made my wife feel, address her feelings, apologize or do anything at all to reach out about the wedding incident or even inquire about the wellbeing of the pregnancy for her first grandchild. Stepdad finally steps in and tells me “enough.” Grandma says “shame on you.” I am dumbfounded. This is a hush hush family that hates to have anything out in the open and likes to maintain a picture perfect image. For examples; 1) I and wife were on the family Christmas card of a photo taken at the wedding that the whole world received except for wife and I. 2)brothers alcoholism was to remain hidden from the family as was his rehab treatment and how it affected his career. Now understand that they like to keep things quiet but that is not how I want to handle my problems, these things trigger alcohol use and violent outbursts on my part that I no longer wish to live through. Now appendectomy’s are pretty simple so I recovered quickly (it don’t rupture we just took it out). But during the time I was scheduled to be under anesthesia, stepdad reaches out to wife to have a chat and clear the air. Wife waits until I come to so i can be there and I hear the conversation. He claims to be here as a middleman like a business meeting to fix things once and for all. Wife and I are like wow great. He then proceeds to double down on my moms behalf that they will not be apologizing or meet any of her demands as she had already apologized as confirmed by 90yo grandma who was in the car and my mother herself. The term he used was stalemate to describe the situation. Wife and I are shocked but she has me keep quiet to show me what he will say. He proceeds to yell at her and they were screaming at each other, again steamrolling the conversation assuring us that he was down the middle yet maintains that mom has made a sufficient apology that needs to be accepted and wife needs to grow up and move on, then wishing her luck with the baby and a nice life. Next day I call stepdad to see how it went. He reassures me that he has done all he can and everything is back to normal. At this point I call him out and tell him I was conscious and explain to him what an apology is. But there is no dialogue with this guy like there is no dialogue with my mother. He proceeds to talk loudly over me like she does and basically call me a piece of shit for the amount he and mother have done for me. I speak to him first time like I never have before by calling him a hands off father and a pussy of a man who finally reaches out while he thinks I am under anesthesia to yell at my wife then pretend it’s cool, and I basically tell him he has never done a single thing for me to try and develop me into a man or nurture me as a child into an adult, but he thinks taking me on fishing trips and ski vacations are equivalent to love and nurturing growth and development just like my mom does. I reassure him that he has no right to talk about family being that he ruined his own as well as mine and couldn’t even tell my dad to his face that it was him who was sleeping with my mom behind his back when my dad came to him very upset as a friend when he got an anonymous phone tip at work one day. Then him and my mom laughed about it in court when my dad brought it up during the divorce. We ended with swearing and I felt very happy for finally giving my true feelings to him.
The birth: Months go by and nobody has said a thing. I can’t sleep at night seeing how much love I am getting from my father and his side for the baby, and my wife’s family, then thinking about how my own mother hasn’t reached out a single time. I’m dreaming about beating up my stepdad and it’s driving me mad. So weeks before the due date I reach out to my mom begging her to clear things up and apologize to my wife. Nothing. A week later i tell her how disappointed and abandoned I feel and want her in the family. Nothing. Baby comes a couple days early. Everyone is excited. Mom texts me begging for photos and to let everyone know. I tell her my brother and two stepsisters have received photos. I ask her to please reach out to wife she still needs to make amends for what’s happened between them and all she needs to do is reach out. Mom’s responses have been defensive, derisive, projecting, playing victim and referring to herself as a kicked puppy. Telling me my wife needs to apologize to her and making the conversation about mother son instead. She is beating around the bush. And she is sending me photos of my own baby that I did not send her. Her friends are congratulating me that I did not tell. Again she is pretending that everything is ok and it is not. She asked me to apologize to her husband for what I said on the phone that day. I said ok, watch this. So I sent the guy a message that was very apologetic and not passive aggressive or backhanded comments in any way. Still my mom won’t say anything.
Now: Baby is 6 days old. He is the best thing in my life and I wish my family were involved but it seems like I am living in a fantasy world where everyone can be happy together. I can be a jerk and have a terrible relationship with my mom, but I want more than anything to just feel loved enough where she can swallow her pride and make amends with my wife. Thats it. And she asked the other day to put a family group chat so everyone can be involved… for real? I know she is stressed with a high pressure job, but it seems heartless to me. She asks what big items she can get for the baby. Mom, baby is here we have everything for a couple months already. I said the biggest thing you can do is reach out and have a heart to heart with my wife so this rift can end and we can at least be cordial if you two can’t get along. I don’t think it will happen.
Update: I think I only get one update and I’m not very good with this stuff but I need mediators. Received text from mom to wife and I that is a random article about the name of our son and how she thinks it is a good name.
Wife: MIL your behavior is beyond pathetic. Here you have a son who is begging you my entire pregnancy to have a relationship with us. You can’t seem to be bothered to even give me a half assed text of “I’m sorry for what happened in TN”. Now you send pictures that aren’t even sent to you to begin with and this article? You have a grandson and you couldn’t even bother to reach out for the past what? 9 months? And now you’re sending us random articles? Why on earth would you think this is acceptable? It’s upsetting that you can’t seem to get your fucking shit together You literally have a son begging you to reach out. Now that we have a son I think of if my ego would ever get in the way of having a relationship with him and his partner. And I just think it’s so god damn pathetic that you couldn’t give two shits about him or anyone else like your own grandson. Stop sending us pictures that are not meant for you. Stop sending us articles. You want a relationship with SON? You want a relationship with me? With your grandson? You want to meet him one day? Then give the half assed text message and get over yourself. You were nasty in TN and you cannot seem to grasp that this is what is needed to move forward.
mom: I thought the article was nice. Sorry DIL, I was in Phoenix after 12 hour days it was a whirlwind and saw this article upon return and thought it sweet. Also… Sorry I sent a picture SON didn’t share that I thought was adorable. What in the heck is the matter with doing that? Serious? I promise it will never happen again. I am sorry for the horrible altercation in Tennessee. I hate that it has caused so much horrible lack of a relationship. I am staying away because you and he constantly make ME the villain. You both had your own HUGE part yelling! I didn’t even start it! It is not fun or fair and neither have accepted any accountability for yelling or screaming at me at all. I did however.it just wasnt good enough. It’s not my responsibility for the continued anger you both hold because you wouldnt accept my apology. No one acknowledged their own bad , unacceptable behavior. I meant it -to help make amends- esp the :2nd time since you turned abruptly away from me the first apology and I told you “ I meant it” at the airport (the third.). There were such horrible made up and unwarranted allegations made up against me that any sane person’s jaw would just drop . It makes me scared to see what will be thought up the next time the ire and victimhood sets in over there. I’m exhausted either way with it all. It’s time to move on and forgive. I know you probably don’t really care and could never allow yourself to see it this way , but I feel I was yelled at just as hard and just as loud and also first!!! This “abuse” went two ways …but I was made the horrible one. I’m the only one that even tried to make up. No one else bears any accountability and needs to. I am tired of being lam blasted. For example….A simple article and I get yelled at again. Terrible… I should not have sent this and SON has said the most horrible things about me…. You blocked me as a contact remember? So why would I call? To get more abuse!? More fabrications? More demands. I don’t accept all the allegations…. I am sorry…. It’s your prerogative to think how you’d like however. I could say crazy shit like that , but I do not and never will. I can move beyond this but it is crazy to keep demanding I apologize more to your liking when no one has ever apologized to me for yelling and acting just as angry. It’s not my fault my attempt of apologizing was not accepted. I will not be manipulated. If you want to blame me ( a pattern) i can’t take it anymore. It is exhausting. That is not even an attempt at two way communication and problem solving . Just dictating. I’m to old for all this craziness and blaming all the time. SON.. if you want to ride this train and hate me… shame on you. Your behavior likewise is pathetic either way the horrible things you said YOU need accountability also. I am really sorry I bugged you with that article. I will never do anything right it seems.
:::AT THIS POINT I ATTACH THIS POST TO TEXT CHAIN::: I don’t think she read it but responses are as follows
Wife: Playing the victim is not going to get you anywhere. You are not a victim and what you are experiencing is not abuse. It’s people standing up to you for once and you don’t like it. In TN you demanded I get into SONS fathers car and when I refused you said to me “I paid for that car, you can fucking Uber”. MIL you started this whole thing. You’ve been a rude person for a long time now. People who commented on that post are pretty spot on…and why is it that I hear you still bring up Jackson Hole? You understand you tried to steamroll your way? I paid what like $7k for that trip and all of the sudden you wanted to make it a family trip??? Wtf was that? Stop bringing up this stupidity it’s absurd you’d even want to come on our 1 year anniversary trip. “Oh you ruined our last family vacation” IT WAS AN ANNIVERSARY GIFT. Shame on SON? No MIL shame on you for thinking all of this was ok and then proceed to act like you are a victim experiencing any sort of abuse. Shame on you for going 9 months without any sort of contact to SON or me. Shame on you for acting like this person who doesn’t give a shit. What you did irrevocably affected our relationship that I reached out to you and you didn’t give a shit. That SON reached out to you and you didn’t give a shit. That finally GRANDSON is born and all of the sudden you give a shit? Sure MIL keep playing the victim. I appreciate the apology. It’s a bit late. We will need to have boundaries in place because you hurt our family enough.
Mom: I’ve read 2 books and did counseling on this manipulative , unempathetic, victimhood behavior and was advised to keep my distance or just don’t talk when in company. I will always be berated. I will always be a villain. I will always be told later I did something wrong. Notice how over time my aggregrmces have escalated? I am scared what’s next, honestly. You don’t want the articles I have. I have tried. Please stop insulting my intelligence. Accept the apology, you both also yelled loudly!!!! look at yourself in the mirror also if that’s possible. and let’s be adults or just keep me out of your life like you wish. I would love more than anything to see all of you. I will not beg when I am really not wanted. I also refuse to subject myself to this constant berating everytime time we talk. This is exactly why I have not reached out. Try some softness and forgiveness for a change. Who wants to be around people who hate so much? Things in life shouldn’t be this hard. This is not my choice . It is yours by this behavior. I want love …. I have had enough being blamed . I’m done with it. You win DIL. You play victim not me! lol serious? I will not do this anymore tonight. I will not finish the paragraph. Always too mean and upsetting. Goodnight. What? lol. I did not demand you get in SONS FATHERS car. Are you crazy? With your grossly heightened sensitivity I would NEVER even think of saying that. I kindly asked if “maybe you two could split up” You get so pussed you find shit to come up with. Good night.
Wife: Keep telling yourself that MIL. You are a bully and I will not tolerate anyone bullying my family. Wow. I can’t believe you are so insane and your reality is so skewed. You said this multiple times to me. In front of SON. You literally cannot lie your way out of this.
Mom: You are full of crap. Good night DIL

abandon, ability, able, about, above, absence, absolute, absolutely, abstract, abundance, academy, accent, accept, access, accident, accompany, accomplish, according, account, accurate, achieve, achievement, acid, acknowledge, acquire, across, action, active, activity, actor, actual, actually, adapt, addition, additional, address, adequate, adjust, administration, admire, admission, admit, adolescent, adopt, adult, advance, advantage, adventure, advertise, advice, advise, adviser, advocate, affair, affect, afford, afraid, after, afternoon, again, against, age, agency, agenda, agent, aggressive, ago, agree, agreement, agriculture, ahead, aid, aim, air, aircraft, airline, airport, alarm, album, alcohol, alive, all, alliance, allow, ally, almost, alone, along, already, also, alter, alternative, although, always, amateur, amazing, ambition, ambulance, among, amount, analysis, analyst, analyze, ancient, and, anger, angle, angry, animal, anniversary, announce, annual, another, answer, anticipate, anxiety, any, anybody, anymore, anyone, anything, anyway, anywhere, apart, apartment, apologize, apparent, apparently, appeal, appear, appearance, apple, application, apply, appoint, appointment, appreciate, approach, appropriate, approval, approve, approximately, architect, area, argue, argument, arise, arm, armed, army, around, arrange, arrangement, arrest, arrival, arrive, art, article, artist, artistic, as, ashamed, aside, ask, asleep, aspect, assault, assert, assess, assessment, asset, assign, assignment, assist, assistance, assistant, associate, association, assume, assumption, assure, at, athlete, athletic, atmosphere, attach, attack, attempt, attend, attention, attitude, attorney, attract, attraction, attractive, attribute, audience, author, authority, auto, available, average, avoid, award, aware, awareness, away, awful, baby, back, background, bad, badly, bag, balance, ball, ban, band, bank, bar, barely, barrel, barrier, base, baseball, basic, basically, basis, basket, basketball, bath, bathroom, battery, battle, be, beach, bear, beat, beautiful, beauty, because, become, bed, bedroom, bee, beef, beer, before, begin, beginning, behavior, behind, being, belief, believe, bell, belong, below, belt, bench, bend, beneath, benefit, beside, besides, best, bet, better, between, beyond, bicycle, big, bike, bill, billion, bind, biological, bird, birth, birthday, bit, bite, black, blade, blame, blanket, blind, block, blood, blow, blue, board, boat, body, bomb, bombing, bond, bone, book, boom, boot, border, boring, born, borrow, boss, both, bother, bottle, bottom, boundary, bowl, box, boy, boyfriend, brain, branch, brand, brave, bread, break, breakfast, breast, breath, breathe, brick, bridge, brief, briefly, bright, brilliant, bring, broad, broken, brother, brown, brush, buck, budget, build, building, bullet, bunch, burden, burn, bury, bus, business, busy, but, butter, button, buy, buyer, by, cabin, cabinet, cable, cake, calculate, call, camera, camp, campaign, campus, can, Canadian, cancer, candidate, cap, capability, capable, capacity, capital, captain, capture, car, carbon, card, care, career, careful, carefully, carrier, carry, case, cash, cast, cat, catch, category, Catholic, cause, ceiling, celebrate, celebration, celebrity, cell, center, central, century, CEO, ceremony, certain, certainly, chain, chair, chairman, challenge, chamber, champion, championship, chance, change, changing, channel, chapter, character, characteristic, characterize, charge, charity, chart, chase, cheap, check, cheek, cheese, chef, chemical, chest, chicken, chief, child, childhood, Chinese, chip, chocolate, choice, cholesterol, choose, Christian, Christmas, church, cigarette, circle, circumstance, cite, citizen, city, civil, civilian, claim, class, classic, classroom, clean, clear, clearly, client, climate, climb, clinic, clinical, clock, close, closely, closer, clothes, clothing, cloud, club, clue, cluster, coach, coal, coalition, coast, coat, code, coffee, cognitive, cold, collapse, colleague, collect, collection, collective, college, colonial, color, column, combination, combine, come, comedy, comfort, comfortable, command, commander, comment, commercial, commission, commit, commitment, committee, common, communicate, communication, community, company, compare, comparison, compete, competition, competitive, competitor, complain, complaint, complete, completely, complex, complexity, compliance, complicate, complicated, component, compose, composition, comprehensive, computer, concentrate, concentration, concept, concern, concerned, concert, conclude, conclusion, concrete, condition, conduct, conference, confidence, confident, confirm, conflict, confront, confusion, Congress, congressional, connect, connection, consciousness, consensus, consequence, conservative, consider, considerable, consideration, consist, consistent, constant, constantly, constitute, constitutional, construct, construction, consultant, consume, consumer, consumption, contact, contain, container, contemporary, content, contest, context, continue, continued, contract, contrast, contribute, contribution, control, controversial, controversy, convention, conventional, conversation, convert, conviction, convince, cook, cookie, cooking, cool, cooperation, cop, cope, copy, core, corn, corner, corporate, corporation, correct, correspondent, cost, cotton, couch, could, council, count, counter, country, county, couple, courage, course, court, cousin, cover, coverage, cow, crack, craft, crash, crazy, cream, create, creation, creative, creature, credit, crew, crime, criminal, crisis, criteria, critic, critical, criticism, criticize, crop, cross, crowd, crucial, cry, cultural, culture, cup, curious, current, currently, curriculum, custom, customer, cut, cycle, dad, daily, damage, dance, danger, dangerous, dare, dark, darkness, data, database, date, daughter, day, dead, deal, dealer, dear, death, debate, debt, decade, decide, decision, deck, declare, decline, decrease, deep, deeply, deer, defeat, defend, defendant, defense, defensive, deficit, define, definitely, definition, degree, delay, deliver, delivery, demand, democracy, Democratic, Democrat, demonstrate, demonstration, deny, department, depend, dependent, depending, depict, depression, depth, deputy, derive, describe, description, desert, deserve, design, designer, desire, desk, desperate, despite, destroy, destruction, detail, detailed, detect, detection, detective, determine, develop, developing, development, device, devil, dialogue, diet, differ, difference, different, differently, difficult, difficulty, dig, digital, dimension, dining, dinner, direct, direction, directly, director, dirt, disability, disagree, disappear, disaster, discipline, disclose, discover, discovery, discrimination, discuss, discussion, disease, dish, dismiss, disorder, display, dispute, distance, distinct, distinction, distinguish, distribute, distribution, district, diverse, diversity, divide, division, divorce, DNA, do, doctor, document, dog, domestic, dominant, dominate, door, double, doubt, down, downtown, dozen, draft, drag, drama, dramatic, dramatically, draw, drawer, drawing, dream, dress, drink, drive, driver, drop, drug, dry, due, during, dust, duty, dwell, dying, dynamic, each, eager, ear, earlier, early, earn, earnings, earth, earthquake, ease, easily, east, eastern, easy, eat, economic, economy, edge, edit, edition, editor, educate, education, educational, educator, effect, effective, effectively, efficiency, efficient, effort, egg, eight, either, elderly, elect, election, electric, electrical, electricity, electronic, element, elementary, eliminate, elite, else, elsewhere, e-mail, embrace, emerge, emergency, emission, emotion, emotional, emphasis, emphasize, employ, employee, employer, employment, empty, enable, encounter, encourage, end, enemy, energy, enforcement, engage, engine, engineer, engineering, English, enhance, enjoy, enormous, enough, ensure, enter, enterprise, entertain, entertainment, entire, entirely, entrance, entry, environment, environmental, episode, equal, equally, equipment, equivalent, era, error, escape, especially, essay, essential, essentially, establish, establishment, estate, estimate, etc, ethics, ethnic, European, evaluate, evaluation, evening, event, eventually, ever, every, everybody, everyday, everyone, everything, everywhere, evidence, evolution, evolve, exact, exactly, exam, examination, examine, example, exceed, excellent, except, exception, exchange, exciting, executive, exercise, exhibit, exhibition, exist, existence, existing, expand, expansion, expect, expectation, expense, expensive, experience, experiment, expert, explain, explanation, explode, explore, explosion, expose, exposure, express, expression, extend, extension, extensive, extent, external, extra, extraordinary, extreme, extremely, eye, fabric, face, facility, fact, factor, factory, faculty, fade, fail, failure, fair, fairly, faith, fall, false, familiar, family, famous, fan, fantasy, far, farm, farmer, fashion, fast, fat, fate, father, fault, favor, favorite, fear, feature, federal, fee, feed, feel, feeling, fellow, female, fence, festival, few, fewer, fiber, fiction, field, fifteen, fifth, fifty, fight, fighter, fighting, figure, file, fill, film, final, finally, finance, financial, find, finding, fine, finger, finish, fire, firm, first, fish, fishing, fit, fitness, five, fix, flag, flame, flat, flavor, flee, flesh, flight, float, floor, flow, flower, fly, focus, folk, follow, following, food, foot, football, for, force, foreign, forest, forever, forget, form, formal, formation, former, formula, forth, fortune, forward, found, foundation, founder, four, fourth, frame, framework, free, freedom, freeze, French, frequency, frequent, frequently, fresh, friend, friendly, friendship, from, front, fruit, frustration, fuel, fulfill, full, fully, fun, function, fund, fundamental, funding, funeral, funny, furniture, furthermore, future, gain, galaxy, gallery, game, gang, gap, garage, garden, garlic, gas, gate, gather, gay, gaze, gear, gender, gene, general, generally, generate, generation, genetic, gentleman, gently, German, gesture, get, ghost, giant, gift, gifted, girl, girlfriend, give, given, glad, glance, glass, global, glove, go, goal, God, gold, golden, golf, good, govern, government, governor, grab, grace, grade, gradually, graduate, grain, grand, grandmother, grant, grass, grave, gray, great, green, grocery, ground, group, grow, growing, growth, guarantee, guard, guess, guest, guide, guideline, guilty, gun, guy, habit, habitat, hair, half, hall, hand, handful, handle, hang, happen, happy, harbor, hard, hardly, hat, hate, have, he, head, headline, headquarters, health, healthy, hear, hearing, heart, heat, heaven, heavily, heavy, heel, height, helicopter, hell, hello, help, helpful, hence, her, herb, here, heritage, hero, herself, hey, hi, hide, high, highlight, highly, highway, hill, him, himself, hip, hire, his, historic, historical, history, hit, hold, hole, holiday, holy, home, homeless, honest, honey, honor, hope, horizon, horror, horse, hospital, host, hot, hotel, hour, house, household, housing, how, however, huge, human, humor, hundred, hungry, hunter, hunting, hurt, husband, hypothesis, ice, idea, ideal, identification, identify, identity, ignore, ill, illegal, illness, illustrate, image, imagination, imagine, immediate, immediately, immigrant, immigration, impact, implement, implication, imply, importance, important, impose, impossible, impress, impression, impressive, improve, improvement, incentive, incident, include, including, income, incorporate, increase, increased, increasingly, incredible, indeed, independence, independent, index, indicate, indication, individual, industrial, industry, infant, infection, inflation, influence, inform, information, ingredient, initial, initially, initiative, injury, inner, innocent, inquiry, inside, insight, insist, inspire, install, instance, instead, institute, institution, institutional, instruction, instructor, instrument, insurance, intellectual, intelligence, intend, intense, intensity, intention, interaction, interest, interested, interesting, internal, international, Internet, interpret, interpretation, intervention, interview, introduce, introduction, invasion, invest, investigation, investigator, investment, investor, invite, involve, involved, involvement, Iraqi, Irish, iron, Islamic, island, Israeli, issue, it, Italian, item, its, itself, jacket, jail, Japanese, jet, Jew, Jewish, job, join, joint, joke, journal, journalist, journey, joy, judge, judgment, juice, jump, junior, jury, just, justice, justify, keep, key, kick, kid, kill, killer, killing, kind, king, kiss, kitchen, knee, knife, knock, know, knowledge, lab, label, labor, laboratory, lack, lady, lake, land, landscape, language, lap, large, largely, last, late, later, Latin, latter, laugh, launch, law, lawsuit, lawyer, lay, layer, lead, leader, leadership, leading, leaf, league, lean, learn, learning, least, leather, leave, left, leg, legacy, legal, legend, legislation, legislative, legislator, legitimate, lemon, length, less, lesson, let, letter, level, liberal, library, license, lie, life, lifestyle, lifetime, lift, light, like, likely, limit, limitation, limited, line, link, lip, list, listen, literary, literature, little, live, living, load, loan, local, locate, location, lock, long, long-term, look, loose, lose, loss, lost, lot, lots, loud, love, lovely, lover, low, lower, luck, lucky, lunch, luxury, machine, mad, magazine, mail, main, mainly, maintain, maintenance, major, majority, make, maker, makeup, male, mall, man, manage, management, manager, manner, manufacturer, manufacturing, many, map, margin, mark, market, marketing, marriage, married, marry, mask, mass, massive, master, match, material, math, matter, may, maybe, mayor, me, meal, mean, meaning, meanwhile, measure, measurement, meat, mechanism, media, medical, medication, medicine, medium, meet, meeting, member, membership, memory, mental, mention, menu, mere, merely, mess, message, metal, meter, method, Mexican, middle, might, military, milk, million, mind, mine, minister, minor, minority, minute, miracle, mirror, miss, missile, mission, mistake, mix, mixture, mm-hmm, mode, model, moderate, modern, modest, mom, moment, money, monitor, month, mood, moon, moral, more, moreover, morning, mortgage, most, mostly, mother, motion, motivation, motor, mountain, mouse, mouth, move, movement, movie, Mr, Mrs, Ms, much, multiple, murder, muscle, museum, music, musical, musician, Muslim, must, mutual, my, myself, mystery, myth, naked, name, narrative, narrow, nation, national, native, natural, naturally, nature, near, nearby, nearly, necessarily, necessary, neck, need, negative, negotiate, negotiation, neighbor, neighborhood, neither, nerve, nervous, net, network, never, nevertheless, new, newly, news, newspaper, next, nice, night, nine, no, nobody, nod, noise, nomination, nominee, none, nonetheless, nor, normal, normally, north, northern, nose, not, note, nothing, notice, notion, novel, now, nowhere, nuclear, number, numerous, nurse, nut, object, objective, obligation, observation, observe, observer, obtain, obvious, obviously, occasion, occasionally, occupation, occupy, occur, ocean, odd, odds, of, off, offense, offensive, offer, office, officer, official, often, oh, oil, okay, old, Olympic, on, once, one, ongoing, onion, online, only, onto, open, opening, operate, operating, operation, operator, opinion, opponent, opportunity, oppose, opposed, opposite, opposition, option, or, orange, order, ordinary, organic, organization, organize, orientation, origin, original, originally, other, others, otherwise, ought, our, ours, ourselves, out, outcome, outside, oven, over, overall, overcome, overlook, owe, own, owner, pace, pack, package, page, pain, painful, paint, painter, painting, pair, pale, Palestinian, palm, pan, panel, panic, pant, paper, paragraph, parent, park, parking, part, participant, participate, participation, particle, particular, particularly, partly, partner, partnership, party, pass, passage, passenger, passion, past, patch, path, patient, pattern, pause, pay, payment, PC, peace, peak, peer, pen, penalty, people, pepper, per, perceive, percentage, perception, perfect, perfectly, perform, performance, perhaps, period, permanent, permission, permit, person, personal, personality, personally, personnel, perspective, persuade, pet, phase, phenomenon, philosophy, phone, photo, photographer, phrase, physical, physically, physician, piano, pick, picture, pie, piece, pile, pilot, pine, pink, pipe, pitch, place, plan, plane, planet, planning, plant, plastic, plate, platform, play, player, please, pleasure, plenty, plot, plus, PM, pocket, poem, poet, poetry, point, police, policy, political, politically, politician, politics, poll, pollution, pool, poor, pop, popular, population, porch, port, portion, portrait, portray, pose, position, positive, possess, possession, possibility, possible, possibly, post, pot, potato, potential, potentially, pound, pour, poverty, powder, power, powerful, practical, practice, prayer, preach, precisely, predict, prediction, prefer, preference, pregnancy, pregnant, preparation, prepare, prescription, presence, present, presentation, preserve, president, presidential, press, pressure, pretend, pretty, prevent, previous, previously, price, pride, priest, primarily, primary, prime, principal, principle, print, prior, priority, prison, prisoner, privacy, private, probably, problem, procedure, proceed, process, processing, processor, proclaim, produce, producer, product, production, profession, professional, professor, profile, profit, program, progress, progressive, project, prominent, promise, promote, prompt, proof, proper, properly, property, proportion, proposal, propose, prosecutor, prospect, protect, protection, protein, protest, proud, prove, provide, provider, province, provision, psychological, psychology, public, publication, publicity, publish, publisher, pull, punishment, purchase, pure, purpose, pursue, push, put, qualify, quality, quarter, quarterback, quarterly, queen, quest, question, quick, quickly, quiet, quietly, quit, quite, quote, race, racial, radiation, radical, radio, rail, rain, raise, range, rank, rapid, rapidly, rare, rarely, rate, rather, rating, ratio, raw, reach, react, reaction, reader, reading, ready, real, reality, realize, really, reason, reasonable, recall, receive, recent, recently, reception, recipe, recipient, recognition, recognize, recommend, recommendation, record, recording, recover, recovery, recruit, red, reduce, reduction, refer, reference, reflect, reflection, reform, refugee, refuse, regard, regarding, regardless, regime, region, regional, register, regular, regularly, regulate, regulation, regulator, reinforce, reject, relate, relation, relationship, relative, relatively, relax, release, relevant, relief, religion, religious, rely, remain, remaining, remarkable, remember, remind, remote, remove, repeat, repeatedly, replace, replacement, reply, report, reporter, represent, representation, representative, Republican, reputation, request, require, requirement, research, researcher, resemble, reservation, resident, residential, resign, resist, resistance, resolution, resolve, resort, resource, respect, respond, response, responsibility, responsible, rest, restaurant, restore, restriction, result, retain, retire, retirement, return, reveal, revenue, review, revolution, rhythm, rice, rich, rid, ride, rifle, right, ring, rise, risk, river, road, rock, role, roll, romantic, roof, room, root, rope, rose, rough, roughly, round, route, routine, row, rub, rubber, rude, ruin, rule, run, running, rural, rush, Russian, sacred, sad, safe, safety, sake, salad, salary, sale, sales, salt, same, sample, sanction, sand, satellite, satisfaction, satisfied, satisfy, sauce, save, saving, say, scale, scandal, scare, scatter, scenario, scene, schedule, scheme, scholar, scholarship, school, science, scientific, scientist, scope, score, scream, screen, script, sea, search, season, seat, second, secondary, secret, secretary, section, sector, secure, security, see, seed, seek, seem, segment, seize, select, selection, self, sell, Senate, senator, send, senior, sense, sensitive, sentence, separate, sequence, series, serious, seriously, servant, serve, service, session, set, setting, settle, settlement, seven, several, severe, sex, sexual, shade, shadow, shake, shall, shallow, shape, share, sharp, she, sheet, shelf, shell, shelter, shift, shine, ship, shirt, shock, shoe, shoot, shooting, shop, shopping, short, shortly, shot, should, shoulder, shout, show, shower, shrug, shut, shy, sibling, sick, side, sigh, sight, sign, signal, significant, significantly, silence, silent, silver, similar, similarly, simple, simply, sin, since, sing, singer, single, sink, sir, sister, sit, site, situation, six, size, ski, skill, skin, skirt, sky, slave, sleep, slice, slide, slight, slightly, slip, slow, slowly, small, smart, smell, smile, smoke, smooth, snap, snow, so, so-called, soccer, social, society, soft, software, soil, solar, soldier, sole, solid, solution, solve, some, somebody, somehow, someone, something, sometimes, somewhat, somewhere, son, song, soon, sophisticated, sorry, sort, soul, sound, soup, source, south, southern, Soviet, space, Spanish, speak, speaker, special, specialist, species, specific, specifically, specify, speech, speed, spend, spending, spin, spirit, spiritual, split, spoil, sponsor, sport, spot, spray, spread, spring, square, squeeze, stability, stable, staff, stage, stain, stair, stake, stand, standard, standing, star, stare, start, state, statement, station, statistical, status, stay, steady, steal, steel, steep, stem, step, stick, still, stimulate, stimulus, stir, stock, stomach, stone, stop, storage, store, storm, story, straight, strange, stranger, strategic, strategy, stream, street, strength, strengthen, stress, stretch, strike, string, strip, stroke, strong, strongly, structural, structure, struggle, student, studio, study, stuff, stupid, style, subject, submit, subsequent, substance, substantial, substitute, succeed, success, successful, successfully, such, sudden, suddenly, sue, suffer, sufficient, sugar, suggest, suggestion, suicide, suit, summer, summit, sun, super, supply, support, supporter, suppose, supposed, Supreme, sure, surely, surface, surgery, surprise, surprised, surprising, surprisingly, surround, survey, survival, survive, survivor, suspect, sustain, swear, sweep, sweet, swim, swing, switch, symbol, symptom, system, table, tactic, tail, take, tale, talent, talk, tall, tank, tap, tape, target, task, taste, tax, taxi, tea, teach, teacher, teaching, team, tear, technical, technique, technology, teen, teenager, telephone, telescope, television, tell, temperature, temporary, ten, tend, tendency, tennis, tension, tent, term, terms, terrible, territory, terror, terrorist, test, testimony, testing, text, than, thank, thanks, that, the, theater, their, them, theme, themselves, then, theory, therapy, there, therefore, these, they, thick, thin, thing, think, thinking, third, thirty, this, those, though, thought, thousand, threat, threaten, three, throat, through, throughout, throw, thus, ticket, tie, tight, time, tiny, tip, tire, tissue, title, to, tobacco, today, toe, together, toilet, token, tolerate, tomato, tomorrow, tone, tongue, tonight, too, tool, tooth, top, topic, toss, total, totally, touch, tough, tour, tourist, tournament, toward, towards, tower, town, toy, trace, track, trade, tradition, traditional, traffic, tragedy, trail, train, training, transfer, transform, transformation, transition, translate, translation, transmission, transmit, transport, transportation, travel, treat, treatment, treaty, tree, tremendous, trend, trial, tribe, trick, trip, troop, trouble, truck, true, truly, trust, truth, try, tube, tunnel, turn, TV, twelve, twenty, twice, twin, two, type, typical, typically, ugly, ultimate, ultimately, unable, uncle, undergo, understand, understanding, unfortunately, uniform, union, unique, unit, United, universal, universe, university, unknown, unless, unlike, until, unusual, up, upon, upper, urban, urge, us, use, used, useful, user, usual, usually, utility, utilize, vacation, valley, valuable, value, variable, variation, variety, various, vary, vast, vegetable, vehicle, venture, version, versus, very, vessel, veteran, via, victim, victory, video, view, viewer, village, violate, violation, violence, violent, virtually, virtue, virus, visibility, visible, vision, visit, visitor, visual, vital, voice, volume, voluntary, volunteer, vote, voter, voting, wage, wait, wake, walk, wall, wander, want, war, warm, warn, warning, wash, waste, watch, water, wave, way, we, weak, weakness, wealth, wealthy, weapon, wear, weather, web, website, wedding, week, weekend, weekly, weigh, weight, welcome, welfare, well, west, western, wet, what, whatever, wheel, when, whenever, where, whereas, whether, which, while, whisper, white, who, whole, whom, whose, why, wide, widely, widespread, wife, wild, wildlife, will, willing, win, wind, window, wine, wing, winner, winter, wipe, wire, wisdom, wise, wish, with, withdraw, within, without, witness, woman, wonder, wonderful, wood, wooden, word, work, worker, working, workout, workplace, works, workshop, world, worried, worry, worth, would, wound, wrap, write, writer, writing, wrong, yard, yeah, year, yell, yellow, yes, yesterday, yet, yield, you, young, your, yours, yourself, youth, zone.