Bahen ki pehli gand mari

mai apni mummy se abb utna share nahi kar pati jitna pahle karti thi kyunki meri life meai mujhe sabse jyada judge wohi karti hain plus wo apne aap ko hamesha right samajhti hai aur kabhi kabhi indirectly yea bhi kah deti hai ki meri wajah se hi wo doctor nahi ban paayi kaash wo yea samahjti ki mai bhi insaan hu aur ki insaan perfect nahi hota wo meri best friend ke khilaf bhi mujhe bhadkati hai kyunki mai usko sab batati hoon onki jagah wo baat baat pai tantrum deti hai wo mujhe chemistry padhane ke liye firce karti hai but mai isliye nahi maanti kyunki wo eak compound na yaad aane par bhayankar prakar ke taane deti hai aur aaj tak mene aisa kuch lafde wala kiya bhi nahi hai fir bhi unko shak hota rahta hai meri choti bahen bhi unhi ke side pai rahti hai kyunki mummy usko obviously jyada favour karti hain mai abhi 12th mai hoon waise hi bohot stress hai 2 min ka break leti hoon toh taane dene lag jati hai fir padhne ka man hi nahi karta kyunki kitna bhi padhlu mai unke liye kabhi enough nahi hoga subah se padh rahi thi mai duphar mai khana banake khate samay thoda laptop dekh rahi thi kyunki mumma so rahi thi par pata nahi achanak uth gayi fir taana maarne lagi ki aag laga dungi mere man mai aya ki boldu ki mujhe aag laga do but mene kuch nahi bola abhi bohot jor se ronna aa raha hai but nahi ro sakti kyunki wo dekhengi toh bolengi ki bohot drama kar rahi hai iska toh roj ka hai (to my sister aur pahle bhi bol chuki hai ) but koi nahi bas eak saal ki baat hai bas kisi tarah jee nikal lu fir yahan se toh bahar hi lungi college aur jee ke liye kuch tips ho toh bhi bata dena guys abb padhne ja rahi hoon iss se pahle mumma wapis ana maare

I'm a typical, unemployed, middle-aged Pakistani. (34 years old) I was a banker for sometime but during the first wave of corona in 2020, I lost my job. Since then I'm mostly unemployed for almost 3.5 years now.
It's not like I don't wanna work but it is that I can't find work. My Spouse has left me. Father passed away 10 years ago. Mother's Pension and younger brother's salary is keeping the kitchen and circle alive which is getting harder day by day. May daily routine is to get up, I don't get any breakfast because there's none left for me. get suited in a couple of office pants and shirts that I still own, go to different offices and drop my CVs, some sympethize, some flat out refuse and even redicule that you're now a 34 year old male. You should of been a tycoon by now.
No one respects me. No one remembers me in gatherings. No one bothers to call or invite me during family functions.
My own mother hates and despises me because I'm a constant source of shame for her ever since I was born. Things I hear on daily basis are, kaash mein marr jati to tu na hota aj mjhe zaleel krny keliye, ya phir hazaron khawateen zachgi k doran marr jati hain, kaash mein bhi un me se 1 hoti, tery paas job nai to to aisa kr k kisi flyover ya high voltage electricity pole pr charh ja or ehtjaj kr, koi na koi politician aye ga, apni publicity k bahany hi sahi, tujhe nechy utarwaey ga, photo wagera banwaye ga or nokri deny k wada kr k chala jye ga. Khakrob ya sweeper ki nokri bhi dy to kr le bas meri jaan chor dy.
I've been struggling with anxiety and depression ever since I was 18, (so for almost half of my life, I've been stressed, depressed and battling with anxiety). I tried to h**g myself on a couple of occasions due to severe anxiety but my mother and wife were always able to intervene at the right time. But Level of despise has gained such heights that my mother says kaash hum tujhe us time jhoolny dety. When I say k jab me la-ilm hoon to mery khany me poison daal dena. to mother boli k beta dil to boht chahta ha but police ayegi to pehla shak ham per hi jye ga. for the record she's my biological, sagi mother. Kehti hain, nokri nahi milti to bheek hi maang ly but kisi trah meri jaan chor dy.
My spouse had remain faithful for a couple of years after I lost my job but she left when she saw that he's getting over aged and not gonna get a decent job. We have no kids so it was easier for her to leave. Her family as well as mine, supported her decision.
I haven't received much milestones in Educational or Career wise.
I have a lot of gaps in my education and career, which every one notinces in an instant while scruitining or perusing my C.V.
I've been rejected from many places for being OVER AGED or not having too much experience.
For some time I felt shame, that I don't want to be a Food panda rider or courier guy, INdrive, careem, bykea captain but now I'm considering everything.
Can't get a license due to weak eyesigt and licence is must to get registered on any app. Bought a bike on installments and half of them are still remaining so I can't use those documents to get registered on apps either.
Little savings I had, I tried rickshaw driving but couldn't because of frequent challans by Traffic Wardens and degrading behaviorude remarks of pessengers and passersby because ricksshaw walas are considered subhumans.
I've also tried selling sabzi, corn soup, gol gappas, dahi ballas, ice cream cycle (according to the season) but got always cheated. either because of my inexperience or me being too SIMPLE and Bahir Ki dunia being bahir ki dunia, dog eating dog world.
I've also tried freelancing, but aaj ki dunia mein ya lafz mjhe gaali lagta ha, jab koi pochy kia kr rhy ho, or koi agy se boly online work krta hoon to agla yahi samajhta ha k VELA ha.
Tried my hands in Private schooling but couldn't get a job due to social anxiety, low confidence and self esteem.
Tried Day Trading as well as options trading, thinking that I can atleast make the amount equal to my monthly salary to keep my kitchen and circle flowing but after losing almost 35 k in it, I said to myself, k people are right k ye juwa ha.
I'm 34. mjhe agy kch nahi nazar arha. Freelancing se nafrat si ho gai or wo is wajah se k 20 years ki age se ye freelancing kr rha hoon or job keliye bhi try krta raha hoon. Freelancing k sath rishta on and off raha ha. yani jab job mil gai to freelancing chor di or jab job chali gai to dobara freelancing shuru kr di.
Freelancing keliye grinding se mjhe both khouf ata ha. proposals likhty howy lafz mery samny nachny lagty hain. apny room me akela betha hoa hoon to mjhe ajeeb ajeeb mayoosi waly khayal aty hain
My kai baar apny sagy behn bhai se request kr chuka hoon k choti moti job dila do, woh kehty hain k bhai tera masla ha. Mera chota bhai mjh per haath bhi utha chuka ha.
due to lack of funds, I don't groom myself much so I look like a jawari, nashai, jahaaz most of the time. when I go to an office, guards won't even let me in k bhikari andar allowed ni.
Pichly 5 saal se sleeping pills le kr so rha hoon. Pehly bhai la deta tha but ab nahi kyun k wo bolta ha mehngai boht hai, me afford ni kr skta.
day before yesterday, I made a fake prescription and bought some 6 or 7 brands of sl**ping pills.
I'm planning on taking them all at once and ending it once and for all.
I remember reading the story of a writer who was overwhelmed by despair and decided to end his own life. Feeling utterly hopeless, he left his home and went for a long walk, contemplating his decision. As he walked, he made a solemn vow to himself: if he encountered even one person who was genuinely smiling, he would reconsider his decision to end his life.
The writer walked for what felt like hours, passing countless people along the way. But despite his search, he couldn't find a single person who appeared genuinely happy or content. Disheartened, he concluded that there was no joy left in the world, no reason to continue living.
With a heavy heart, the writer returned home, his resolve to end his life firm. He took the final steps to carry out his decision, feeling utterly alone and abandoned by the world.
This, in no way, is plea for bheek or charity or attiyat or donations or KHUDA keliye mjhe kaam per rakh lo ya job dila do. Kyun k ye ghar ghar ki kahani ha but Mjhe samajh hi nahi arha k kia kron. to ye kaam asaan lag rha ha.

KARACHI
I'm a typical, unemployed, middle-aged Pakistani. (34 years old) I was a banker for sometime but during the first wave of corona in 2020, I lost my job. Since then I'm mostly unemployed for almost 3.5 years now.
It's not like I don't wanna work but it is that I can't find work. My Spouse has left me. Father passed away 10 years ago. Mother's Pension and younger brother's salary is keeping the kitchen and circle alive which is getting harder day by day. May daily routine is to get up, I don't get any breakfast because there's none left for me. get suited in a couple of office pants and shirts that I still own, go to different offices and drop my CVs, some sympethize, some flat out refuse and even redicule that you're now a 34 year old male. You should of been a tycoon by now.
No one respects me. No one remembers me in gatherings. No one bothers to call or invite me during family functions.
My own mother hates and despises me because I'm a constant source of shame for her ever since I was born. Things I hear on daily basis are, kaash mein marr jati to tu na hota aj mjhe zaleel krny keliye, ya phir hazaron khawateen zachgi k doran marr jati hain, kaash mein bhi un me se 1 hoti, teri paas job nai to to aisa kr k kisi flyover ya high voltage electricity pole pr charh ja or ehtjaj kr, koi na koi politician aye ga, apni publicity k bahany hi sahi, tujhe nechy utarwaey ga, photo wagera banwaye ga or nokri deny k wada kr k chala jye ga. Khakrob ya sweeper ki nokri bhi dy to kr le bas meri jaan chor dy.
I've been struggling with anxiety and depression ever since I was 18, (so for almost half of my life, I've been stressed, depressed and battling with anxiety). I tried to h**g myself on a couple of occasions due to severe anxiety but my mother and wife were always able to intervene at the right time. But Level of despise has gained such heights that my mother says kaash hum tujhe us time jhoolny dety. When I say k jab me la-ilm hoon to mery khany me poison daal dena. to mother boli k beta dil to boht chahta ha but police ayegi to pehla shak ham per hi jye ga. for the record she's my biological, sagi mother. Kehti hain, nokri nahi milti to bheek hi maang ly but kisi trah meri jaan chor dy.
My spouse had remain faithful for a couple of years after I lost my job but she left when she saw that he's getting over aged and not gonna get a decent job. We have no kids so it was easier for her to leave. Her family as well as mine, supported her decision.
I haven't received much milestones in Educational or Career wise.
I have a lot of gaps in my education and career, which every one notinces in an instant while scruitining or perusing my C.V.
I've been rejected from many places for being OVER AGED or not having too much experience.
For some time I felt shame, that I don't want to be a Food panda rider or courier guy, INdrive, careem, bykea captain but now I'm considering everything.
Can't get a license due to weak eyesigt and licence is must to get registered on any app. Bought a bike on installments and half of them are still remaining so I can't use those documents to get registered on apps either.
Little savings I had, I tried rickshaw driving but couldn't because of frequent challans by Traffic Wardens and degrading behaviorude remarks of pessengers and passersby because ricksshaw walas are considered subhumans.
I've also tried selling sabzi, corn soup, gol gappas, dahi ballas, ice cream cycle (according to the season) but got always cheated. either because of my inexperience or me being too SIMPLE and Bahir Ki dunia being bahir ki dunia, dog eating dog world.
I've also tried freelancing, but aaj ki dunia mein ya lafz mjhe gaali lagta ha, jab koi pochy kia kr rhy ho, or koi agy se boly online work krta hoon to agla yahi samajhta ha k VELA ha.
Tried my hands in Private schooling but couldn't get a job due to social anxiety, low confidence and self esteem.
Tried Day Trading as well as options trading, thinking that I can atleast make the amount equal to my monthly salary to keep my kitchen and circle flowing but after losing almost 35 k in it, I said to myself, k people are right k ye juwa ha.
I'm 34. mjhe agy kch nahi nazar arha. Freelancing se nafrat si ho gai or wo is wajah se k 20 years ki age se ye freelancing kr rha hoon or job keliye bhi try krta raha hoon. Freelancing k sath rishta on and off raha ha. yani jab job mil gai to freelancing chor di or jab job chali gai to dobara freelancing shuru kr di.
Freelancing keliye grinding se mjhe both khouf ata ha. proposals likhty howy lafz mery samny nachny lagty hain. apny room me akela betha hota hoon to mjhe ajeeb ajeeb mayoosi waly khayal aty hain
My kai baar apny sagy behn bhai se request kr chuka hoon k choti moti job dila do, woh kehty hain k bhai tera masla ha. Mera chota bhai mjh per haath bhi utha chuka ha.
due to lack of funds, I don't groom myself much so I look like a jawari, nashai, jahaaz most of the time. when I go to an office, guards won't even let me in k bhikari andar allowed ni.
Pichly 5 saal se sleeping pills le kr so rha hoon. Pehly bhai la deta tha but ab nahi kyun k wo bolta ha mehngai boht hai, me afford ni kr skta.
day before yesterday, I made a fake prescription and bought some 6 or 7 brands of sl**ping pills.
I'm planning on taking them all at once and ending it once and for all.
I remember reading the story of a writer who was overwhelmed by despair and decided to end his own life. Feeling utterly hopeless, he left his home and went for a long walk, contemplating his decision. As he walked, he made a solemn vow to himself: if he encountered even one person who was genuinely smiling, he would reconsider his decision to end his life.
The writer walked for what felt like hours, passing countless people along the way. But despite his search, he couldn't find a single person who appeared genuinely happy or content. Disheartened, he concluded that there was no joy left in the world, no reason to continue living.
With a heavy heart, the writer returned home, his resolve to end his life firm. He took the final steps to carry out his decision, feeling utterly alone and abandoned by the world.
This, in no way, is plea for bheek or charity or attiyat or donations or KHUDA keliye mjhe kaam per rakh lo ya job dila do. Kyun k ye ghar ghar ki kahani ha but Mjhe samajh hi nahi arha k kia kron. to ye kaam asaan lag rha ha.

Ek story sunati hoon. If you have not listened before. Ek woman hoti hai aur uska husband war se wapas aata hai. Toh woh pehle jaisa nahi rehta. Woh rude behave karta hai aur loving nahi rehta pehle ki tarah. War ka uske mental health pe asar hua hota hai. Toh uski wife ek hermit ke pas jati hai aur madad mangti hai. Ki uske husband ko pehle jaisa karne ke liye woh kya kar sakti hai. Woh hermit bolta hai ki jungle mein jao aur ek tiger ka ek whisker har roz tod kar lana. Toh woh woman ek tiger jo ek cave mein rehta hai wahan jati hai aur ek bowl of milk leke usko deti hai. Pehle toh woh tiger gussa hota hai baad mein, Woh tiger bhi uske saath peaceful rehta hai. Kyunki woh uske liye har roz aise hi bowl of milk lati hai. Toh phir jab woh tiger uske saath familiar ho jata hai toh woh ek karke whisker tod ke hermit ko deti hai. Toh itna karne ke baad hermit usko bolta hai, ki jaise tumne ek tiger itne fierce animal ko carefully aur bravely tumne apne saath friendly bana liya toh tum apne husband ko bhi pehle jaisa bana sakti ho. Phir us woman ne love, affection, aur patience se apne husband ko wapas pehle jaisa bana liya.
Last year mere class mein ek new ladki aayi thi. I teach her cause I'm the teacher. Yeh bilkul normal baat hai ki jab bachcha pehli baar school start karta hai, apne parents, yani Primary caregiver se seperate hota hai toh usko seperation anxiety hoti hai. Sab bachche different hote hain toh kuch bachche bilkul nahi rote, kuch bachche thodi der rote hain. Aur kuch bachche kuch dino ke liye rote hain, again absolutely normal Ki bachcha first time school aa raha hai toh thoda toh rota hai.
So, jo new girl mere class mein aayi thi woh pehle din ro rahi thi. Maine usko pacify kiya toh woh chup rehti phir thodi der baad woh phir rona start kar deti. Aur yeh bhi hota hai ki koi bachcha pure time roye ga nahi but jaise hi chhuti time pe mummy ko dekha they'll start crying. She also did the same mummy ko dekh kar rone lagti. Kuch dino tak usne yahi kiya. I talked to her mother and asked her to say nice things about school, like you'll get to make new friends there or you'll learn new things and your teacher is your friend type of things to her daughter. Her mother did tell me ki woh bachchi unke alwa kisi ke paas nahi rehti.
Phir us chhoti ladki ki yeh baat mujhe bohot alag lagi ki jab mein koi activity karvati thi class mein toh suddenly she'll say, mere samne muh kyun bigad rahi ho? To me. Aisa usne Kai baar Kiya toh ek baar maine keh Diya but I wasn't even looking at you.
She would suddenly start crying in the class and also cry when her mother dropped her off at school.
I was very nice to her, very kind to her. She would cry a lot in the beginning toh, andar se toh ek baar mujhe bhi gussa aa gaya tha. Lekin I was very calm and super nicely I would say that I was her friend and she can play with me, be with me and learn new things. She did this for 10 to 12 days then slowly she started asking me to make her do the activity that I had helped her do the day before. and slowly she started talking to me. The first time jab us chhoti bachchi ne mere samne smile Kiya aur mujhse kaha ki she wants to sit next to me.
Mujhe bilkul waise hi feel hua jaise us lady ko feel hua tha after she made the tiger gentle towards her. Bohot hi rahat mehsus hui, bohot Khushi bhi mehsus hui.
Edit- because I like dad jokes. Ek sunati hoon.
Tiger ke papa ko kya kehte hain?
Baghdad...

2nd dropper hu zoology mein iss baar 154 bane aur botany mein 146 but physics and chem mein milake 100 ke approx bane. I know mujhe physics chem pe extra dhyan dena chahiye
Maine aaj nomesh sir ki pehli class li yakeen ki aur mujhe bahut slow laga I am thinking ki bio ke jo chapters mujhe bahut acche se aate hai main unka Ncert line by line dekhu jis se time bache aur uss time ko main phy aur chem mein de saku , Is it alright? I am listing the chapters below
1) Living world 2)Biological classification 3) Animal Kingdom 4) structural organisation except coackroach and frog 5) Cell the unit of life 6) All 6 chapters of human physiology 7) reproductive health 8) human health and diseases 9) Microbes 10) Whole Ecology Unit
Rest baaki chapters main Yakeen ke lectures se hi karunga 1.5X speed se Aur genetics , plant physio aur biotech 1X pe acche se karunga
Thanks for helping dropper ki dua lagegi

Ye meri pehli post hai. Isse pehle kabhi Reddit pe koi bhi post nahi ki. 1 mahine se follow kar raha hu iss subreddit ko, socha mai apni problem bata du. Meri mains mein 42 percentile aayi hai. I'm thinking of taking a drop year, I am aware of all the hardships and problems that may arrive but uske liye I'm prepared.I also know ki 42 se 90 tak jaana bhi bohot zyada mushkil hai but still,I'm mentally prepared. Tbh mera Aim BITS hai. Mostly Allen offline coaching join karunga. Please honestly bata do ki agle saal BITS mein CSE ya ECE crack kar sakta hu kya. Ik it depends on meri mehnat but ek rough idea dedo pls.

Ye mat kro wo mat kro hostel walo ka lund chuso aur day scholars ki gand marao bas 2 kaam hai

Meri mains mein 94.2%ile aayi, pure khaandan ka star tha main basically aur end mein chudh gya. Maine puri koshish Kari yeh main keh sakta hu without any regret. Still parents kabhi kabhi jaane Anjane mein kuch aisi baatein bol dete hain Jo hurt Kar jati hai. Mere papa mujhe kehte hain tune mehnat nahi Kari, not in a toxic way just if you had you would've made it Wali baat. Ispr mujhe gussa aata hai because main gaand ghisi hai in 2 Saal. Mera result dekhkr mere teachers aur dost jinki 99+ aayi hai woh shocked the kyunki batch toppers mein hoti thi meri ginti, teachers kehte the top 5k mein aana hai kuch bhi karke aur main 90k rank laya. Tut chuka hu, existential crisis mode mein hu, ki topper nhi toh aakhir hu kon main? Hu kya main? Mere hone ka point kya hai? Ghar se Bahar nhi ja rha kyunki lag rha hai saari duniya mujhe hi dekh rhi hai, saari duniya soch rhi hai, "baatein karta tha, aukaat mein kuch tha nahi", nahi padha ja rha lekin koshish abhi bhi Kar rha hu. Aaj bhi yahi hua, papa ne bol diya ki thodi aur mehnat Kari hoti toh.... main chilla padha ki kuch nhi karna mujhe, mere bas ka kuch nhi hai akela chhodh do. Is baat pe papa ne realise Kiya shayad ki I am hurting. After all clear na hone ka mujhse zyada dukh hai kya kisi ko? Console Kar rhe the, meri aankho mein aasu the lekin ek bhi baha nahi. Utne mein ek baat suni. "Bohot garv hai mujhe tujhpr aur tune Jo kuch bhi Kiya uspr". Life mein pehli baar suni yeh cheez. Fir nhi ruke aasu. Kamre ki light off karke leta hua tha toh shayad kisi ko dikhe nhi. Saari ummeed kho chuka hu main. Karna toh chahta hu life mein kuch lekin Kar nhi pa rha kisi wajah se. Sach kahu toh aur jeena bhi nhi chahta lekin itni Himmat bhi nhi ki kuch action le Saku. Kuch point nhi tha, bas suna hai dard baatne se Kam ho jata hai toh yeh lamba sa para likh diya. I am sure aap mein se bohot log same cheez experience Kar rhe ho. Maybe yeh relatable lage? Maybe kuch positive impact ho iska? Main nhi karna chahta aur kisi ko bhi disappoint, kyunki fir khud se bhi nazre nhi mila paunga. Thak gya hu, tut gya hu.