Handjob using her shoe

Gamitin nyo? Or papabenta nyo?

TL;DR - selfish asshole of an older brother scams me and my parents out of $200.
Okay, so I’m not doing too well financially, but I live with my Mom and Pops so we try to make ends meet. A couple weeks back we were in such rough shape financially, that I had to juggle three day jobs just to cover rent and suppress the collector’s from knocking on the door regarding our collective debts. We so broke I literally can’t even afford to sleep because in the night=I can get freelance work done. “I can sleep when I’m dead,” has become my full-time motto (unfortunately). Anyways, to try to bring some income in my household I offer services as a freelance video editor.
A while back, my older brother (who’s a career criminal and has flee’d multiple countries when authorities were after him for violent offences) hit me up and asked if I’d be down to edit for him. I was hesitant at first, being as last time I heard from him was after he beat our Mum to a pulp when I was only 12. For context bro or sis, whoever you are that is reading this: if I was only three years older I wouldn’t have let that slide—I would have mobbed his ass right then and there, pinned him down and done him so fucking dirty… IDGAF if my 15 year old ass had gone to juvie for it, I would do anything for my mother, including take a life. But instead, all that’s been imprinted in my brain is how much of a bitch I was at 12–cowering under the dining table as he took multiple shots with a shoe, at our crying helpless mother on the ground.
Anyways it’s been a few years, I’m 24 now and he gave me a big sob story how he has changed. I bought it up like the good little sheeple I am… started editing for him under the guise that he’d pay me $200 per video: SCORE! That’s a lot of money!!!
I got to know his business (shady as fuck) and got to find out he now dreams of being a finance influencer (double shady) but alas, he’s my big bro and no matter what wrong-doing he’s doing, he convinced me that he was a good man. Ight, bet, I’ma edit for him and make some money for the fam! In between his ‘takes’ of videos he sends me, I piece together that his “wife” films the videos, and he’s still an extremely abusive person. He tries not to let it show on camera, but I’m really good with people, emotions and hidden trauma so I can feel the sickening ‘abuser-of-people’ energy SEEPING off of him, still, to this day. I feel sick to my stomach editing for him, but shit, he’s promised me $200 per video. Over the course of a few weeks I can see why he never told us about his wife, it seems he keeps her pent up somewhere in Georgia, Batumi, and forces her to do whatever he wants. He once referred to her as “his slave” which I originally thought was A JOKE, but now in the grand scheme of things… I don’t think it was a joke. I pray that authorities get to them before he does something to her, but idek where to begin to put a ‘concerned citizen tip’ in a foreign country.
Some context as to why I put up with all the red flags: Mom’s not working as she has to take care of the house and she’s also trying to make money online, any ways possible. She’s starting to sell her favourite clothes. It fucking breaks my heart that I can’t do shit about it… at 24 years old, with all the social media influencing and advertising, I feel like garbage that I can’t fully support my parents… at least not yet! Dad is constantly depressed because he’s almost 80 years old and can’t retire ‘cuz my parent’s are in too much debt.
Okay, anyways, three BIG videos done for him (by big, I mean I spent +8 hours on each vid) and brother’s paid me for ONE via PayPal… no worries, he keeps leading me on saying the money will come, the money will come. And PayPal says I got $200 coming my way from him! Uhh ight, bet? Mind you, I start PLANNING my life around this $200 notification because that’s a hot stack for me and my family!!! Takes PayPal about 20 days to actually let me use the money… ridiculous because we NEEDED it… but that’s okay, I work around the problems in life, much like we all have to.
Here comes the turning point: I’m a little overworked and a little coo-coo sometimes, and one night I start telling him personal shit, kinda pouring out my heart to him, venting almost. I don’t really remember about what, just life I guess, nothing negative towards him. Somehow he misconstrues it, gets upset with me, and ‘tells me off.’ I get upset with him, tell him his business is a sham and I’ma change the rules that we agreed upon. Since his fake-ass can’t pay me what was agreed upon, (maybe $200 is a lot for him, as well) so I ask him if we can do $10 per hour instead. I pitch to him that moving forward, anytime I edit more than five hours ($50), I will refuse to edit until the money gets sent. The conversation turns hostile, QUICK. He calls me a ton of bad names with an underlying message that I’m the biggest loser on earth for pursuing a dream in working in Entertainment & he ends it with a sweet “you’ll never be anything.” LOL WHAT? Completely out of pocket and out of left field, so naturally, I tell him to eat shit, I won’t be doing anymore free work and he can pay me a mere $30 (yes, thirty dollars) for the entire portfolio of audios, texts/scripts, videos, and clips I’ve taken from the internet that ‘match’ the vibe he wants in his videos.
Context: at this point I’ve completed SIX FULL VIDEOS FOR THIS DUDE and he’s only paid me the one payment of $200. Not good at maths? Me neither, lemme help you out. He owes me $1,200 from our original agreement because I’ve spent more than 48 collective hours working on his videos, and he’s only paid me $200. But I tell him: I’ll let it all slide if he pays me $30 for the portfolio of about 50 gigabytes, and then moving forward, he’d pay me the $10 per hour if he wanted more content from me. He already has the six full videos in his possession. The ‘portfolio’ is stuff I’ve found that’s free-use on the internet, stuff that I’ve compiled, and even some scripts that I’ve written out! ALL MINE that I did for HIS business. So it seems logical for me to give this portfolio as an option, just incase he wants to say nah moving forward on me editing for him, and just take the material & go our separate ways…
In response, my (35 year old) brother files a complaint on PayPal claiming he only hired me for a channel encompassing trailer that I did not provide and that I’m attempting to extort him for more money. LOL, WHAT? PayPal’s like BET and automatically attempts to deduct from MY chequing account, without even getting to the bottom of it. Obviously doesn’t work, my account (not PayPal account, my fucking bank account. these mf so overzealous that they reached right into my mf pocket!!!!) gets put in the negatives and I attempt to appeal, with no sweat on my brow ‘cuz I’m like no way PayPal finna let this slide. I then proceed to message my terrible relative multiple times, with texts, videos and audio recordings and I’m in a hysterical mess. I begin threatening him, I begin begging to him, pleading with him, saying anything under the sun just for the hope that he has some heart and would send back the $200 if PayPal does end up taking it from me. Already my chequing was fricked but I could do some damage control… I was cocky, thinking PayPal would obviously side with me once they heard the whole story, so I also told him since he’s caused such pain for me out of absolutely nothing, like completely unprovoked, then shit: I want the original $200 PLUS an extra $200 for all this trauma. He responds by blocking me on everything. It’s 4 A.M. and I’m shaking as I’m typing this…
Somehow after all the information I provided, PayPal sides with him. Wow, wait, what? PayPal has since tried to deduct my PERSONAL CHEQUING ACCOUNT multiple times in order to fish back the $200 which I ALREADY HAD TO USE!!! Idk if you ever had a payment tried to be taken out of an account which already has a negative balance, but the payment doesn’t go (it does a minus then a plus) but usually the bank is like WTF and charges you fees. Multiple times = Multiple fees…
Before, I was in the negatives on my ONE chequing account I own… now I’m in the NEGATIVE-NEGATIVES… no clue how tf I’ma get out of it, but we all persevere eventually! I’ve reached out to PayPal but I’m almost sure nothing will come of it.. I’m considering taking PayPal to small claims court to somehow try to fix all this mess, but I fear it’ll break me off more trouble than repair anything. If you want to DM me, I’ll gladly give you my brother’s socials to send a report to his accounts on Instagram or TikTok, or even leave him a not-so-nice comment if you’d like. Also let me know if you know how I can get in contact with the authorities in the country of ‘Georgia.’
I have absolutely no issues posting his socials, address, doxxxing his ass to the fullest extent, all to do whatever’s necessary: because I fear he will one day gain notoriety and scam a shit ton of people. Praying that never happens.
Let me know what y’all think!!!

TL;DR - selfish asshole of an older brother scams me and my parents out of $200.
Okay, so I’m not doing too well financially, but I live with my Mom and Pops so we try to make ends meet. A couple weeks back we were in such rough shape financially, that I had to juggle three day jobs just to cover rent and suppress the collector’s from knocking on the door regarding our collective debts. We so broke I literally can’t even afford to sleep because in the night=I can get freelance work done. “I can sleep when I’m dead,” has become my full-time motto (unfortunately). Anyways, to try to bring some income in my household I offer services as a freelance video editor.
A while back, my older brother (who’s a career criminal and has flee’d multiple countries when authorities were after him for violent offences) hit me up and asked if I’d be down to edit for him. I was hesitant at first, being as last time I heard from him was after he beat our Mum to a pulp when I was only 12. For context bro or sis, whoever you are that is reading this: if I was only three years older I wouldn’t have let that slide—I would have mobbed his ass right then and there, pinned him down and done him so fucking dirty… IDGAF if my 15 year old ass had gone to juvie for it, I would do anything for my mother, including take a life. But instead, all that’s been imprinted in my brain is how much of a bitch I was at 12–cowering under the dining table as he took multiple shots with a shoe, at our crying helpless mother on the ground.
Anyways it’s been a few years, I’m 24 now and he gave me a big sob story how he has changed. I bought it up like the good little sheeple I am… started editing for him under the guise that he’d pay me $200 per video: SCORE! That’s a lot of money!!!
I got to know his business (shady as fuck) and got to find out he now dreams of being a finance influencer (double shady) but alas, he’s my big bro and no matter what wrong-doing he’s doing, he convinced me that he was a good man. Ight, bet, I’ma edit for him and make some money for the fam! In between his ‘takes’ of videos he sends me, I piece together that his “wife” films the videos, and he’s still an extremely abusive person. He tries not to let it show on camera, but I’m really good with people, emotions and hidden trauma so I can feel the sickening ‘abuser-of-people’ energy SEEPING off of him, still, to this day. I feel sick to my stomach editing for him, but shit, he’s promised me $200 per video. Over the course of a few weeks I can see why he never told us about his wife, it seems he keeps her pent up somewhere in Georgia, Batumi, and forces her to do whatever he wants. He once referred to her as “his slave” which I originally thought was A JOKE, but now in the grand scheme of things… I don’t think it was a joke. I pray that authorities get to them before he does something to her, but idek where to begin to put a ‘concerned citizen tip’ in a foreign country.
Some context as to why I put up with all the red flags: Mom’s not working as she has to take care of the house and she’s also trying to make money online, any ways possible. She’s starting to sell her favourite clothes. It fucking breaks my heart that I can’t do shit about it… at 24 years old, with all the social media influencing and advertising, I feel like garbage that I can’t fully support my parents… at least not yet! Dad is constantly depressed because he’s almost 80 years old and can’t retire ‘cuz my parent’s are in too much debt.
Okay, anyways, three BIG videos done for him (by big, I mean I spent +8 hours on each vid) and brother’s paid me for ONE via PayPal… no worries, he keeps leading me on saying the money will come, the money will come. And PayPal says I got $200 coming my way from him! Uhh ight, bet? Mind you, I start PLANNING my life around this $200 notification because that’s a hot stack for me and my family!!! Takes PayPal about 20 days to actually let me use the money… ridiculous because we NEEDED it… but that’s okay, I work around the problems in life, much like we all have to.
Here comes the turning point: I’m a little overworked and a little coo-coo sometimes, and one night I start telling him personal shit, kinda pouring out my heart to him, venting almost. I don’t really remember about what, just life I guess, nothing negative towards him. Somehow he misconstrues it, gets upset with me, and ‘tells me off.’ I get upset with him, tell him his business is a sham and I’ma change the rules that we agreed upon. Since his fake-ass can’t pay me what was agreed upon, (maybe $200 is a lot for him, as well) so I ask him if we can do $10 per hour instead. I pitch to him that moving forward, anytime I edit more than five hours ($50), I will refuse to edit until the money gets sent. The conversation turns hostile, QUICK. He calls me a ton of bad names with an underlying message that I’m the biggest loser on earth for pursuing a dream in working in Entertainment & he ends it with a sweet “you’ll never be anything.” LOL WHAT? Completely out of pocket and out of left field, so naturally, I tell him to eat shit, I won’t be doing anymore free work and he can pay me a mere $30 (yes, thirty dollars) for the entire portfolio of audios, texts/scripts, videos, and clips I’ve taken from the internet that ‘match’ the vibe he wants in his videos.
Context: at this point I’ve completed SIX FULL VIDEOS FOR THIS DUDE and he’s only paid me the one payment of $200. Not good at maths? Me neither, lemme help you out. He owes me $1,200 from our original agreement because I’ve spent more than 48 collective hours working on his videos, and he’s only paid me $200. But I tell him: I’ll let it all slide if he pays me $30 for the portfolio of about 50 gigabytes, and then moving forward, he’d pay me the $10 per hour if he wanted more content from me. He already has the six full videos in his possession. The ‘portfolio’ is stuff I’ve found that’s free-use on the internet, stuff that I’ve compiled, and even some scripts that I’ve written out! ALL MINE that I did for HIS business. So it seems logical for me to give this portfolio as an option, just incase he wants to say nah moving forward on me editing for him, and just take the material & go our separate ways…
In response, my (35 year old) brother files a complaint on PayPal claiming he only hired me for a channel encompassing trailer that I did not provide and that I’m attempting to extort him for more money. LOL, WHAT? PayPal’s like BET and automatically attempts to deduct from MY chequing account, without even getting to the bottom of it. Obviously doesn’t work, my account (not PayPal account, my fucking bank account. these mf so overzealous that they reached right into my mf pocket!!!!) gets put in the negatives and I attempt to appeal, with no sweat on my brow ‘cuz I’m like no way PayPal finna let this slide. I then proceed to message my terrible relative multiple times, with texts, videos and audio recordings and I’m in a hysterical mess. I begin threatening him, I begin begging to him, pleading with him, saying anything under the sun just for the hope that he has some heart and would send back the $200 if PayPal does end up taking it from me. Already my chequing was fricked but I could do some damage control… I was cocky, thinking PayPal would obviously side with me once they heard the whole story, so I also told him since he’s caused such pain for me out of absolutely nothing, like completely unprovoked, then shit: I want the original $200 PLUS an extra $200 for all this trauma. He responds by blocking me on everything. It’s 4 A.M. and I’m shaking as I’m typing this…
Somehow after all the information I provided, PayPal sides with him. Wow, wait, what? PayPal has since tried to deduct my PERSONAL CHEQUING ACCOUNT multiple times in order to fish back the $200 which I ALREADY HAD TO USE!!! Idk if you ever had a payment tried to be taken out of an account which already has a negative balance, but the payment doesn’t go (it does a minus then a plus) but usually the bank is like WTF and charges you fees. Multiple times = Multiple fees…
Before, I was in the negatives on my ONE chequing account I own… now I’m in the NEGATIVE-NEGATIVES… no clue how tf I’ma get out of it, but we all persevere eventually! I’ve reached out to PayPal but I’m almost sure nothing will come of it.. I’m considering taking PayPal to small claims court to somehow try to fix all this mess, but I fear it’ll break me off more trouble than repair anything. If you want to DM me, I’ll gladly give you my brother’s socials to send a report to his accounts on Instagram or TikTok, or even leave him a not-so-nice comment if you’d like. Also let me know if you know how I can get in contact with the authorities in the country of ‘Georgia.’
I have absolutely no issues posting his socials, address, doxxxing his ass to the fullest extent, all to do whatever’s necessary: because I fear he will one day gain notoriety and scam a shit ton of people. Praying that never happens.
Let me know what y’all think!!!

Hello!
I’m probably reading in to this, but on my re-watch of s3 I found some of the editing of Sara Pascoe to be odd. The first thing that tipped me off is the balloon task where they use an excessive number of slow-mo shots of Sara popping the balloons with her teeth (I think about 4) and none for anyone else. Rob Beckett made a joke about it in the studio . The other thing is the studio task where Sara isn’t wearing shoes and, for no conceivable reason, it pans down to her feet for a few seconds.
Again, I do think I’m looking too much into this but it’s just something I noticed and wondered if anyone else felt the same.

I have already made short post that I finished series finale. I stiil feel sad, depressed and that feeling when tv show ended.... unbelievable how "The Shield" is stuck with me. Can't believe this journey is over.
I wanted to say so many things. Firstly, how can I miss this? I was too young when it came out, but I hear about "The Wire" everywhere even now. "The shield" feels like out of the radar all the time. WE MUST DO SOMETHING WITH IT! Please, just watch "The Shield"!
My friend told me to watch it and he stumbled upon this Tv show in one cool review that was left by some user (girl , actually) on my native language site about movies/tvshows.
When I look at some photos and pictures of "The Shield" I have thoughts that it is like CSI or some other typical cop show with nothing more. How wrong was I with such first impression.
What I really like that "The shield" has blu-ray release. So cool tv show is reinnovate for high quality format and has a lot of bonus features on blu-ray.
My friend also told me that I need to watch especially until Season 5 where it will be so high level quality writing that I gonna really appreaciate "The Shield".
As for myself, I fond of cinema. I just not go easy on any movies/tvshows. I am very nit-picking because I like to learn about cinematography, screenwriting, directing and so on. For me movies like the greatest art and I study movies as an art. That's why I feel bored about modern movies and TV shows. Screenplays are not bold, not so complex, characters feel flat and creators afraid to insult other races, woman right and so on. Many movies and TV shows of modern era feel convinient. I am tired of that. And I started to watch "The Shield" six months ago.
"The Shield" was aired in the right time! Year 2002 like "The Wire". From the pilot episode "The Shield" don't try to be convinient, it shows you what Vic and his team doing, what "The barn" doing everyday. Everything around characters feels not-convinient: drug-addicted, child trafficking, other awful staff around. Characters not just saint and clean, they do what they have to do like it or not as a viewer. That's what I wished for a long time. "The Shield" just clicked with me. I can't even imagine TVshow about cops can be on such level with great cast, great characters, really good screenwriting, directing and editing.
Before "The Shield" I can't tolerate semi-documentary cinematography and "hand-held" effect of camera in movies. In "The Shield" I fall in love with such camerawork and editing. That's really what I can't imagine I would love in cinemas. In this Tv show every take is so close, editiing beetwen close-mid plan camera panning and it feels so great in terms of "The Shield" storytellling. You are always near characters, you like breathing just around their shoulders and see every bad side of Farmington so close that you feel how disgusting this district is. Incredible work from cinematographers and editors.
Dynamic feeling of everything that happens on the screen. The greatest part of "The Shield" it is never trying to dragging some melodrama to extend seasons or try to be sentimental in the scenes. Modern TVshows really like that and i don't. Don't need to play with the viewer. In "The Shield" everything happenes so fast, so realistic that sometimes you can't even catch a breath. Not a single dull episode. In every episode something cool will definetely happens and it keeps you attached to the screen. And I don't mean that "The Shield" hasn't some melancholic or not-fast pacing moment. On the opposite, "The Shield" has everything what makes cinema alive and fascinating.
Let me explain what I really like about "The Shield" and I have never experience such different emotions just in one piece of the cinema:
In "The Shield" you can feel like a kid again and rooting for cool-masculine guys who breaks door and shout: "Police! On the ground!". After some episodes I really wanna just play in cops and criminals on my yard with friends. That's how action feels in this Tv show. I wanna buy merch with "Strike Team" on it and snake eating rat logo. Incredible.
In "The Shield" as an adult you can feel totally devastated by events that just happened on the screen. You can feel pure emotions from character actions. And what most important you don't want to judge character right away you want to put yourself in his shoes because what character did feels so realistic. Characters here not some fancy cards, you can feel them like real human beings.
In "The Shield" you can laugh as an adult. Humor in some scenes and from some characters really spot on and not stupid. It is full drama but some episodes has great humor parts. And again it feels so real and natural like human beings in real life would joke about something. Bilings sutuations and lines from later seasons are just pure gold.
In "The Shield" you want to discuss some parts of the story. It feels like after reading a good complex books with interesting characters you start to think about their actions and how you can think about your actions in the real life. What it is like to be a coward? To be hypocrite? What about loayalty and friendship? Trust me not so many movies/TVshows can be so full-thinking. It's a miracle that such depth can be in cop TV show. I stiil can't imagine how believable characters are and situations in "The Shield". Script and story of all seasons and how characters arcs redeemed is golden!
So I trying to say "The Shield" can feel like popcorn-blockbuster cop show in some parts with overacting but sometimes it's pure complex drama with silence scenes and great acting and very realistic characters. It's the best mixture of movie formula that I have seen in my life! I stiil can't imagine that I saying such words in terms of cop TV show.
"The Shield" was ahead of its time. It is a real piece of art. In modern days I want to see Tv show with overacting (when it need to be done), cool action and the same time it can provide me with great drama sequences and believable characters.
[SPOILER] section below. Please read only if you watched the series.
What I also like about "The Shield" it has great leading character. Michael Chiklis was born for this role. Maybe in first seasons you can think he overacting sometimes and can't be so dramatic but in the late seasons Michael have shown one of the best acting scenes in cinema. Pure mastery. This 42 second silence in front of Olivia was something unique and incredible. Then final eyes scene with Cloudette and finale running eyes scene in the ending of season 7 when he sits alone.
Vic is so well written in every season. He is the anchor of the show. So charismatic, strategy wise, musculine and cool and what I like the most this character feels real. When Vic came alone in gang territory and didn't fear anything you believe in that. You understand as a viewer that not anybody in "the barn" have balls for things that Mackey can do. He uses "shortcuts" in police work that only he can manage. He has really metal backbone. Even when he mentally broke at the end of the 1st season he needs just a couple of minutes to grab his shit together and go further. Character has a great amount of willpower and dedication to do anything that he wanted to.
Vic is the greatest anti hero in cinema history. Many side characters hate him but when there is a problem that no one can resolve Mackey step up. Farmington is so dirty that it needs people dirty as Vic to clean it.
I actually always rooted for Vic as a viewer because nobody in "The Shield" is black and white. Even Claudette free Kleavon from death penalty to keep her warm place. And I like that "The Shield" shows every character is corrupt somehow.
But I can't believe that Vic betrayed Ronnie. It hits hard. After that I as a viewer understood Cloudette words: "Vic is trying to be someone he wants you to see him". We viewers see Vic true nature in the final episode and it hits hard too. He always was like that and we didn't want to accept. And some part of me like him but other part can't forgive him for what he did to others. Such a great character downfall through all seasons. And this shot when he smiled to his gun and go somewhere. Where did he go? He can't sit tight he always need to be "living on the edge" this his type of character.
I wanna write about other characters. Shane for sure. But Post is too big. I leave it for later.
10/10. I am empty and depressed that "The Shield" journey ended for me. Can't believe that many people don't know about this masterpiece. I am glad I stumbled upon it. It touched my strings for cinema love that not any movie or tv show touching in years.
So many emotions and thoughts. Thanks to Shawn Ryan, Michael Chiklis, Walton Goggins and every other member of "The Shield" crew and FX. I wish I had a chance to tell it to them personally. I am grown man but I feel emotions like a kid again. Pure emotions from "The Shield" story.
To sum up my words. I like this ending montage of Season 2. It has great editing and you feel emotions. I literally cried when I rewatched it after the final. Clodette touches Dutch and thanked him. Aceveda moving forward. Coriine in thoughts. Dutch investigate a murder again. And Pile of money scene... Vic the only one who is laughing but others feel mix emotions. Gives shivers to my spine.
The Shield - Overcome Season 2 Ending (youtube.com)

Kadillac Kirk had been a good friend of mine for several years. I had met him through friends from The Spring Stage; and he never had anything to do with The Imp, which is why he didn’t appear in the Married Mary saga. Mary would have totally thrown herself at him, and Kirk would have definitely “thrown it in her.” He loved the ladies and often remarked that there was no such thing as an unappealing woman, nor was there anything sweeter than finding the pearl of passion in an outwardly plain dame. Fortunately for Kirk, he never met Mary. This was probably fortunate for Mary as well, seeing as Kirk was a confirmed bachelor and his rakish nature might have broken her fat heart.
Kirk was an older guy. Not MOE old, though. He was in his early forties, but he easily passed for a carefree dude in his 30s... not that he lied about his age. I only mention this trait to juxtapose Kirk’s genuine youthful air with Moe’s unconvincing youthful farce. Kirk dressed normally, avoided stupid jargon, and never busted out gimmicks like tarot cards or spells. He just existed, behaved affably, and people liked him for it.
He drove a classic 1962 Cadillac El Dorado convertible with red leather interior, and he lived in a charmingly quaint (and ridiculously expensive) neighborhood. How he made his fortune remained a mystery, but he never bloviated about his wealth. He just threw spectacular parties and people showed up. And, to my knowledge, he never tried to lure women into bed with his money (although I’m sure he got his fair share of boom-boom thanks to his digs and his wheels, even if the gold-diggers denied their monetary agendas).
Kirk was legitimately handsome. He was a drummer, he had a full head of black hair, he was clean-shaven, he worked out, and he knew all the hidden gems in Wellsprings. So why hadn’t I tried... or even desired to date him? I don’t know. I just didn’t feel drawn to him like that. He felt like a cool uncle and he had, thus far, never done anything to change my perception. Plus, the age difference weirded me out a little. Kirk didn’t look forty; but knowing that he had so much more life experience than I did created a power imbalance that would have creeped me out if we’d been dating. As buddies, I just felt supremely cool riding in his Cadillac, smoking Fantasia cigarettes, and hitting the speakeasies and jazz clubs I would have never known about if it weren’t for Kirk’s connections.
And he had been a good person to talk to about my romantic woes. He never lecherously suggested that I should date him, and he gave the type of tempered advice that only comes with lived experience. But he often lightly mocked me for my crush on Dennis and he did a hilarious impression of Smegal popping too soon over his “precious.” So when Mary “got me back” by doing whatever she did with to Dennis, I called Kadillac Kirk and told him the drinks were on me if he’d be my designated driver for the night.
Why hadn’t I called Whisky??? Well, A) Kirk was way more fun to hang out with, at least from my past experiences up to that point. And B) I needed to bitch about a boy, something I couldn’t do in good conscience in front of a guy I was dating. So I put on the sexiest plunging halter dress I owned, applied heavy eye makeup and spikey accessories, braved a pair of stilettos, and sashayed out to Kirk’s convertible. I felt like a badass rock star. I probably looked like a try-hard hooker.
Kirk: Daaaaay-um! Somebody really did do a number on you, huh? I know you said you were upset, but the gents are gonna be writing thank you notes to that fat girl and that butt-fucking hobbit.
Me: I just need to feel pretty and numb. And I trust you to keep me from making a fool of myself.
Kirk squeezed my shoulder. “I’ve got you. You do whatever you need to do to get rid of these demons.”
He sparked up a J and offered me the first puff. I gladly accepted. He took one puff of his own, but said that the rest was mine since he didn’t want to drive stoned. See? He was responsible! Weed wasn’t legal in California yet, so I got a little bit baked before I stashed the sativa in the glove box and wrapped a scarf around my hair like a starlet from the Golden Age of Hollywood. Kirk sped out of the parking lot and said he was taking me to a downtown hotel that was hosting a party that night in their lush lobby.
Kadillac Kirk pulled up to the main entrance, paid the valet, and then opened my door. I was wobbly from the weed. And I had stupidly decided to wear heels. You can get high or you can wear high (heels). You can’t have both. Not if you’ve repeatedly injured both ankles (as I have). I had to take Kirk’s arm to keep from keeling over. “Can people tell I’m stoned?” I whispered. Kirk replied, “Nobody’s paying any attention to anyone else’s intoxication. I promise you that much.” I nodded, steadied myself, and strutted alongside my very cool friend, feeling a little more confident.
A live jazz orchestra was playing Cole Porter as we entered the lobby. Everything sparkled. The music was even more intoxicating than the spliff had been. “Just One of Those Things” brought tears to my eyes since the lyrics hit every raw nerve regarding the Dennis debacle. But I smiled. It might sound mental, but being distraught over a trash fire of a one-sided romance was exhilarating. Immature, for sure. But also exhilarating. You see, that kind of sadness doesn’t hurt. Not really. It stings. It leaves little bruises, but it’s very safe to wallow in because you haven’t actually lost anything. Melancholia over that which you never had is as sweet as it is bitter; and that type of twisted splendor is rivaled only by Stendhal.
“Here's hoping we meet now and then. It was great fun, but it was just one of those things.” I sang along with the band, and a fat tear rolled down past my melancholic smile and onto my chin. Kirk brushed it aside. “Too close to home?” I wiped away the remnants of the tear’s journey from eye to chin and smiled a more genuine smile. “The perfect distance from home. Shall we get drinks? Remember, I’m buying.”
Kirk: No, no. This is your time to heal. And I’m here as your pal, not your chauffeur. What would the lady like?”
I pretended to barf. Kirk knew I hated it when he got overly formal and overly attentive. So he did it just to mess with me. “Shot of vodka,” I replied.
Kirk: How many?
I thought briefly. “FIVE.”
Kirk: Five to one, baby. One in five...
Me: No one here gets out alive.
Kirk: Are you able to hold yourself upright, or should you come with?
I took a seat on an ornate, damask-upholstered chaise lounge. “I’ll be okay. And I was kidding about the five shots.”
I sat there lost in the music for a while. I thought very little about Dennis. Even less about Mary. And not at all about Whisky (whom I had shagged less than a week ago). My mind danced through the ornate lighting in the hotel lobby, and I suddenly felt the need to join the hoity-toity guests on the dancefloor!
Kirk returned with four shots of vodka. Two for him, two for me. That was quite reasonable of him. He knew damn well that I couldn’t handle five shots, but he also knew that I was in a... state. One that called for more than a single shot. I raised a both miniature glasses to “No more ninnyhammers or hairy-footed lovers.” Kirk did his hilarious Smegal impression, we double-toasted, and downed the shots. The band launched into “Let’s Misbehave,” and I kicked off my stilettos and made a beeline for the dance floor.
“There’s something wild about you child that’s so contagious. Let’s be outrageous! Let’s misbehave.” Kadillac Kirk swept me up, twirled me around, and dipped me as we both sang along with the lyrics. I wasn’t swooning for him, but I was enthralled by the moment. The music, the dancing, the combination of booze and bud... so I kissed him as he pulled me back to my feet. And he kissed back. In a way that Dennis never had. In a way that Whisky’s beard wouldn’t permit. I didn’t feel the visceral sensations that I’d felt when Dennis had kissed me, but it felt nice to feel desired. And then I noticed that other guests were watching us and applauding. Now, that was a dopamine rush if ever there was one!
I gently broke away from the embrace, high-fived Kirk and returned to the chaise lounge to put my stupid shoes back on. He followed me and smashed his face back onto mine. I pulled away and laughed. “It was a moment,” I told him. “I appreciate the dance, and that kiss was the perfect finale. But it’s not happening again.”
Kirk: Not to worry, Valerie. I know you. I knew all along that we were performing, and I was more than happy to be your scene partner.
Me: And dance partner! Those were some excellent moves! I didn’t know you had ballroom training.
Kirk: You name it, I’ve mastered it. Another drink for the lady?
I pretended to barf again. “Not yet. I’m not sad right now. Do you mind if I just sit here and enjoy the music?”
Kirk: Ah. My kisses do have healing properties...
I flipped my hand up at him. “Knock that shit off, bro. I wanted to hang out with you because I trust you not to get weird. Even if I get weird, I know you have the maturity to balance me out.”
Kirk: Are you calling me old???
Me: No. I’m calling you rational, responsible, and respectful.
Kirk: Well, now. If you can articulate an alliterative statement that fluently, then you clearly aren’t drunk enough!
I dismissed this comment as a joke. And he did indeed knock off the flirtation. We had a perfectly pleasant time chatting and dancing (no more kissing, though). And then I noticed a girl I knew from Into the Woods entering the lobby. She’d played Florinda and I’d played Little Red. I called her name and waved enthusiastically. She waved back. And then her date entered. It was D.E.N.N.I.S. I sank into the chaise. Kirk caught on immediately. “The hobbit???” he asked. I nodded silently. “You wanna make out again?” he enthused. I shook my head. I had to go say hello to Flo. And I had an idea...
I crossed the lobby, smiled, squealed, and hugged her.
Florinda: Lil’ Red! It’s been forever! So glad to see you!!! This is my friend, Denny.
From the corner of my eye. I could see Dennis shifting uncomfortably. I refused to look directly at him, neglected to acknowledge Flo's introduction and continued to converse only with her. "So glad to see you, too! What have you been up to since we left the woods?"
Dennis: C’mon, Val...
Florinda (appearing oblivious to the iciness between me and Dennis): Oh, I had some drama after the show closed. I'll have to tell you about it some other time... Have you seen Prince Big Bad (Scumbanger) lately?
I laughed. “Last time I saw him, he was hitting on some nasty fat chick at The Imp.”
Flo and I both scoffed at the pervy pest. Into the Woods was where I’d initially met Scumbanger. He played The Wolf/Cinderella’s Prince. Again... typecasting. There’s a whole essay in my brain about my first encounter with the pest, during which he quoted the song that he sang to me in the show, “Hello, Little Girl.” But it gets into some pretty uncomfortable territory because he made me feel... excited. Well, excited and scared. Nothing of note happened during Into the Woods, but our odd interactions did kind of set the stage for some extremely regrettable events during that Cats cast party.
I excused myself, saying that I needed to get back to my friend. And then I leaned in and said in a hushed voice to Flo, “Watch your ass with that one. If he’s the Denny I’m thinking of...” I gave her a look that only another female would be able to read. Her eyebrows shot up and she nodded. Dennis continued to shift as though he were trying to hold in a massive dump. “BABE! Uh...”
Flo apparently answered to that moniker as well. “What is it, Denny? Don’t worry. That was just telepathic girl talk. You apparently have a reputation...”
Dennis: Different Denny. I assure you I’m a pious gentleman.
Me: Ah. My mistake. Well, then. You guys have a good time! They’re playing Cole Porter, and the band is delovely. Great to see you, Flo!
I hugged Flo again, gave Dennis a curt nod, ignored the scent of mandarins and mountain air, and returned to Kirk.
I collapsed on the chaise lounge, exhausted from holding back the rage. I had no right to be mad at Florinda. I hadn’t seen her in three years, so how was she supposed to know that I’d had a thing with Dennis? Hell, I couldn’t even be mad at Dennis because the last time he and I had spoken in any meaningful way, I’d told him that I was no longer entertaining my crush on him. So why was I surprised to see him dating??? And why had he never taken ME out on a date like this??? And why wasn’t I smitten with Kadillac Kirk who HAD taken me out on a date like this, was an objectively excellent kisser, and a bona fide BALLER? What was wrong with me???
Kirk suggested going down the street to a quaint little bar and then sobering up at a diner closer to my apartment. I numbly nodded and followed him in silence for a few blocks. He assured me that I had “turned several heads” on the way to the new location, but I neither cared nor believed him. This wasn't the type of numbness I'd been aiming for. Now I needed to get schnockered. “Five shots of vodka, please.” Yes, I was serious.
Kadillac Kirk, my reliable designated driver, ordered only a beer and watched in something across between astonishment, concern, and delight as I slammed all five shots in rapid succession. I half expected to immediately retch all over the bar. But I felt fine. I half expected to immediately lose consciousness and wake up in the hospital. But I remained coherent. How I’d managed to take in that much hard liquor and suffer no direct consequences, I’ll never know.
I think I wanted to suffer. I wanted to either feel nothing at all or to feel a sickness bad enough to distract me from the scorching sting that pulsed through my being when I realized that I had lost the abstract notion I’d been addicted to this entire time. Hope. It wasn’t Dennis himself I couldn’t quit. It was that drug called hope. The hope that maybe, just maybe Dennis would give our romance a fair chance. The hope that maybe, just maybe he would make peace with himself, get his mind out of his crotch, and enjoy some agenda-free togetherness. The hope that maybe, just maybe he would stop bloviating about his admittedly impressive accomplishments for five fucking minutes and ask about my life. I had my own reasonably impressive accomplishments, even if they paled in comparison to his. A proper suitor would have enjoyed hearing about them.
But seeing him out with another woman, a woman who had no reason to parade her Dennis escapades before me as some means of revenge, a woman he was clearly courting of his own volition... My hope had died. It died before I’d had time to wean myself off it. Now I had to mourn the loss of hope, which is a very tricky brand of grief to navigate. Vodka wasn’t the answer, but it was what I had to work with. So it would have to do.
After enough time had passed without vomiting or collapsing, I asked Kirk to bring his car around to the bar so that I didn’t have to walk two and a half blocks drunk and in heels. He nodded and dramatically leaned in for a kiss. I recoiled. “DUDE! I told you. The moment has passed.”
Kirk: I beg your pardon. I misread your eyes. Thought I saw a green light...
Me: It’s fine. I just want to go home while I’m still feeling okay.
Kirk: Of course. Your chariot will be here soon.
He skipped off to fetch his Cadillac and I noticed that the lights in the bar were beginning to dance a bit. This should have been concerning. But then I realized that I was giggling. Wait... What? Oh shit. Sure, I was drunk from those shots. But what I was feeling in that moment wasn’t drunkery. It was stonery. Kirk probably misread my face because my pupils were dilated. Not from desire, but from drug use.
Some of you might be thinking that I was a bad friend for not introducing Lucy, an old dude connoisseur, to Kirk. Well... I did. Several years before the events of this story. He adored her. She, on the other hand, thought he was immature. And she wasn’t wrong. Lucy was astute when it came to sussing out a person’s true nature. Far more astute than I. Her initial assessment that Kirk was immature is about to be vindicated. Stretch those cringe muscles! It’s almost time for pie...
I somehow managed to get to his car. I honestly don’t recall how I got there. Did one of the bartenders carry me? Did some kind patron allow me to lean on him? Had Kadillac Kirk carried me out? I’m not sure. But my memory ceases to be fuzzy about halfway to the 24-hour diner. It might have been the very same 24-hour diner where Mary pulled her... shenanigans. I’ll never know.
Kirk: Would you say that you’re more drunk or more stoned?
Me: STONED. Definitely stoned.
Kirk made some sort of grunty noise and reached for my thigh. I slapped his hand.
Kirk: Stoned but not amorous? That’s rare.
I started laughing rather unkindly. “You’re a fucking horndog! I thought you were my safe straight male friend, dammit.”
Kirk: I solemnly swear that your safety is my primary concern, my stoned beauty.
I pretended to throw up.
Kirk: So... You’re not horny. But are you hungry? The diner I’m heading to makes this Maple Walnut Pie with the most sumptuous... sensual cream and exquisite drizzling of...
Me: Ew! Stop trying to bang the pie. Bro. Are YOU stoned? (Then I remembered the question.) Yes, I’m hungry. But I don’t like nuts. I’ll have banana cream.
Kirk made that repulsive grunty noise again. “Uhhhhh... Mmmmmm. Cream. Yessssss. Yes, we’ll be there in just a minute.” He was squirming in the driver's seat.
Me: GROSS, DUDE! If you’re gonna be like that I’ll just order HASH brows. Get it? Hash??? (I giggled.) You can’t make that sound nasty.
Kirk: Forgive my jokes. I think my blood sugar’s a bit low.
As Kirk parked, I began to wonder how I might get away with walking shoeless into the diner. The stilettos had to get off my feet. At least while I was walking. And Kirk was kind enough to give me his socks and wear his loafers “island style” into the establishment. Okay, that was gallant of him. Maybe he was going to behave himself for the rest of the evening.
I wasn’t terribly talkative as we sat down, and he expressed a bit of concern for my emotional well-being. I wasn’t coherent enough to explain what was happening to my emotions and I wasn’t sure I trusted him with my deep, dark secrets at that point. So I shrugged like a sulky teenager, ran my hands over my messy, windblown hair, and mumbled that I was “just hungry.” And right on cue, a very kind, slightly older waitress with a sweet southern accent stopped by to take our order.
Kirk: Ah, yes. We’ll have two cups of black coffee. And we’ll share a slice of that delectable Maple Walnut Pie.
Waitress: Oh, honey. That pie is scrumptious! I take it you’ve been here before?
Kirk: I have. This will be her first time to taste the splendor.
I hated to be a killjoy, but I interrupted and said to the waitress, “Ma’am? I’m sure the Maple Walnut is excellent, but could I please get a slice of Banana Cream? And a big glass of ice water?
Waitress: Sure, hon! Banana Cream’s just as yummy! I’ll be right back with those coffees and that big water.
Kirk was sucking on the tip of his forefinger and shaking his head a bit. “You’re passing up so many sensational... sensual...”
I put my forehead on the table and growled. “You swore you’d stop being nasty!” I held this #headdesk pose for quite some time before I finally lifted my head... only to see that Kirk was still sucking his fingertip and staring at me like a wild animal. “Pleeeeeease be normal,” I whined. “It’s been a really weird night for me.”
Kirk: Indeed. Many surprises. You know... You’re like titanium. Your flame burns so fast and so bright, if a guy doesn’t get in there while the iron is hot, he’ll never get another chance. I was too slow.
What the...? I was pretty sure he was wrong about titanium burning quickly. I’m no chemistry wiz, but my dad and my oldest brother are both big-brains when it comes to physics and chemistry. So I picked up some things just listening to them talk. Accurate or inaccurate, Kirk was being creepy again. He’d never been creepy towards me before, although I’d seen him act like this with other women. Usually with staggering success. Why????? His money. It had to be his money. Kirk was a nice-looking man, but holy shit... No amount of good looks could save this creep show
And then, our sweet waitress sat down our coffees, my water, and the two slices of pie. After I gulped down a whole bunch of water, I grabbed a fork, prepared to quell my munchies... and then I froze. Kirk was quickly flicking his finger back and forth across the top of his pie. And moaning. He noticed my wide-eyed stare, smirked, sucked the tip of his thumb, picked up the plate with both hands, and began flicking his tongue across the tip of the triangular pie slice. And moaning some more. Well, there went my appetite.
Kirk took his middle finger and jabbed it into the crustless vertex of the pie slice, then he began pumping it in and out like a piston, and flicking his thumb across the increasingly demolished top layer of whipped cream. He gasped this time. People were starting to stare. His pointer finger joined his middle finger in the piston action, and he replaced his thumb with his tongue. Between flicks of the tongue, he groaned, “Oh yeah, baby... Let me taste you,” but it was kind of hard to understand him.
And I was either about to run to the back office, tell them that I was in danger and needed a police escort home... OR I was about to burst out laughing at the spectacle. Kirk continued... He removed his fingers and gregariously licked pie filling off of them. "Ohhhhh," he groaned, "I got you soooo sticky. So sweet. So moist." And then he started sucking his fingertips again, switching from middle to pointer, middle to pointer and emitting a delighted little, “Mmmmmm” with every suck.
Finally, he jabbed his fingers back into the utterly destroyed pie, lowered his face into the mess and lapped loudly and passionately, moaning, grunting, and mumbling “Come on, baby. Come on. Mmmmmm. Come on.” I could see the waitress and some dude in a suit heading over to the table, so I sank down in my seat, partially covered my face, but continued to watch the train wreck. At last, Kirk shuddered violently as he splatted his entire hand onto the plate and rubbed furiously. And then he locked eyes with me. He sucked the tip of his thumb one final time and said, “You...” There was a long pause during which Kirk lovingly stroked the mess he’d made. “You... are the pie.”
I don’t hang out with Kadillac Kirk anymore. But he’s still a bachelor, ladies!

So let me go on a story.
I'm a gay 29M.
I lost my parents, and received inheritance around two months before my birthday last year. It was put toward purchasing a lovely home with several rooms and accommodations. It's very lovely.
However; when this happened, I lost my job which would've provided a far better income, benefits, and far easier work due to circumstances that transpired. I was set back for a while, and ultimately became financially unstable. I always make it work out ultimately now, re-employed and taking odd jobs, so I've become reliable on that front.
I invited a coworker of mine who wanted to avoid her abusive living situation with her mother, who threatened to kick her out. This coworker friend (20F) [Let's call her J] tends to have anger-issues that elicit her to lash out at people rather immensely. She has made tremendous progress in this respect I feel in some of the time I know her, but habits continue. It's not physical or anything, it's just emotional/anxiety riddled stuff, and so forth. For the most part, having lost the job, the majority of the duress between us arrives from housing situations and ultimately the issues aren't massive. Either out of respect, out of understanding, or out of better compatibility, things improved. Likewise she has a cat, and while it can be a little annoying, it's adorable so I forgive it. Likewise she's a big animal lover.
Near Christmas, another former Coworker of mine (24F) [She can be H.]had a falling out with her boyfriend. So at the behest of my new roommate's request, she was given a room. It was a trial to sort of get her back on her feet. I offered a month without rent to allow her to save money. Then a 3-month period discounted Rent, to help her furnish herself. Likewise due to a smaller room; she had less money owed. This has continued for five or so months in totality. This Coworker I don't have much synergy with, and she seems primarily self-contained. I don't opt to interact with her, and she doesn't with me. Likewise; she's far more extroverted than I or my roommate, so often goes out drinking, hanging out with boys, etc.
Recap.
J is 20. H is 24.
And for the majority of the time together; the two have been fast friends and likewise seemed to improve more as they've hung out here. Until the second roommate wanted a cat, which initially both were overjoyed by. She got a kitten, pretty spontaneously. And ignoring advice, she let it interact with my roommate's cat. We were initially planning on keeping them apart for both their safety, especially because the kitten hadn't been vet-processed and J's cat has a slightly weak immune system. This was in breach of trust given, and upset J quite a bit.
H had made plans to hangout with a friend that night, and essentially left the cat in a carrier in her room, and told J she'd likely be back by 1 AM that night, and if she could watch the cat. J had work at 7 AM, but agreed.
H got drunk and never came home that night. Meanwhile, the kitten she adopted was mewling all night across J's room and upsetting her essentially. The 4-week old kitten was comforted and likewise, and could fit into your cupped hands. It got stuck under a door once even, escaping it's carrier. It could've been bad or worse. I'm mildly upset at it.
But likewise; I own a pet I keep in my room too, who rarely scratches at the door sometimes. I can understand a cat left to their own devices can be fine, they can be solitary creatures seemingly. But given how young the kitten was and how it needed constant attention, it felt very rough for J to both look after H's kitten after everything, and for H to disappear after saying she'd return. Likewise J didn't want the cat to be harmed. She'd leave it be for intermittent periods but would check in on it every half-hour to hour.
So on this side of the topic; I feel J is beyond validated.
But it evolved.
J elected to lash out at H over this. Sending 20+ text messages in the same day; threatening to get the cat into a Vet, or Humane Shelter due to what had happened and the seeming neglect, so on and forth. Hollow threats she claims to provoke H into caring more, but ultimately still made and essentially this was on the first day of owning the kitten. I don't feel H was given an opportunity or time to process or adjust from her day's decision, and was bombarded immensely with hateful messages that tore her down.
Ultimately, this led to H giving her cat away, but she refuses to apologize, and their friendship essentially broke. H's ability to take accountability is tremendously limited and often leans toward victimization at times, but I empathized with her because J can be absolutely vitriolic, toxic, and poisonous when her anger oversteps her rationality.
Ultimately H feels like moving out in some regards due to it. But the talk about J's feelings toward H; the disdain, annoyance, and likewise low-opinion J holds due to this, has caused H to recluse some toward J further. And ultimately time has passed, between shouting at one another, to text messages, to H seeking refuge in friends and drink, to J having a operation around this time and spending time recuperating from it. Which opened a bridge of concern from H, that I hoped would maybe lead them to talking it out. Because the two can be good at it.
But ultimately when J relented enough to offer the Olive Branch, H rejected it. Which is her right. Civility after the initial moments had been somewhat restored, life moved on, they weren't friends but they could mostly live with one another.
Which led J spiraling into an angry tirade that was primarily meant to tear down H again, and did so by praying on trauma H had. Because J wanted to ensure all bridges were burnt down.
I'm stuck in the middle on this and it's aggravating me.
H refuses to even so much as budge in admitting fault, but I honestly don't think leaving your kitten alone at home is necessarily a bad idea on paper; since many animals are often left alone and while not the greatest situation can still be fine. She already has to work an 8-hour+ job some days, and would be relying on us in the interim for feline-care, until the cat was grown, had her shots, and was allowed to roam the house and have some more freedom. And likewise she had made plans, and got carried away. I can honestly chalk up her decisions to inexperience and bad decision-making and feel in some respects she deserves some grace. Likewise J's treatment of her, personal attacks, threats to get the Cat put into a Vet after one day, and likewise were it me in her shoes it would make me reconsider ownership of the cat as well, and likewise would make me very unreceptive toward any sort of relationship with J.
But as I said; H throughout all of this didn't apologize, and took solely to defending her decisions, justifying her rationale in them, and ultimately even on the things she did wrong that led to the situation developing, doesn't relent.
J meanwhile, I can see the frustration on. She is earnestly trying to get H to be accountable. She helped tremendously toward even getting the cat, and offered a lot of help throughout the process. She had her own cat endangered recklessly despite several warnings (in a very avoidable way that you'd deliberately have to do otherwise), and likewise was sent to work without sleep caretaking for a kitten that she had only volunteered for a few hours for. Much the same, the kitten was essentially in distress and abandoned in the first day, which raised a few questions about the responsibility and future events arising alike to that.
But; I feel that while J deserves to be told that in several respects she was right, that her grievances toward H erupted in such a manner that it was absolutely disrespectful, and painful, and likewise manipulative in the worst of ways.
I've no idea what to do in this case, because I'd like both Renters to sort of hash it out, and be done with it, but obviously not happening per se. But I'm also conflicted on the topic. I don't know if the kitten left alone is a massive deal and red flag for future neglect on the first day, or if it was acceptable to take time away from the kitten given how it would be left alone anyway when she worked. Likewise; I'm not sure if J's justified in respects for how used it made her feel and not receiving a single apology, or if H at this point is suffering more than enough from how J's reacting.
I'm very stuck in the middle here, and I'm worried about losing one. Should I accept the potential loss?
TL;DR: 20F lashes out toxically at 24F for abandoning kitten she had just adopted for twelve+ hours and making her babysit on a work-night beyond agreed upon times and also endangering her own cat in the same day. 24F refuses to apologize, but 20F's negative response has been borderline overwhelming and personal.
29M landlord is unsure what to do, feel, think, or prepare for.

Hi guys,
I [31m] feel like my partner [25f] is constantly on my case about not doing enough, or not giving enough.
I had a pretty shit start to life which meant that i started off on the backfoot, however I managed to graduate a MSc Computer Science last December and I have been looking for a graduate job ever since. I've had numerous video interviews, but I've been rejected by all except one place that has invited me to an assessment center in June.
About 6 weeks ago I applied for two companies that I really like the look of. One in defence and one in maritime services. Both looked like amazing opportunities and I was lucky enough to be invited to an interview for both. It was nice to finally have companies call me back, you know? Anyway, I had my interviews and prepared for them both as best I could. I felt like the interviews went very well, but unfortunately I got rejected by both companies on the same day last week.
I'll be honest, it broke me. I was really, really upset about it and began to feel completely hopeless, useless and defeated. I worked so hard to get educated, did the best that I could, got very high grades, but it feels like it has all been a waste of time.
I cried like a baby when I got those rejections and felt absolutely broken. My partner supported me through it and said to me "it isn't your fault" and that it's just a shit economy at the moment.
Fast forward to this week and my partner calls me (she's away visiting her parents). It started off fine at first as we were both talking about plans for the future. Basically, the conversation spiralled and she started saying that I'm not doing enough, that's its a males job to provide financially and that I'm not trying hard enough to get us ahead. I showed her this spread sheet I've kept that lists every single job I've applied for and what stage of the application I made it to. There are 128 jobs on that list. I felt so hurt because when I was super upset about my rejections last week, she supported me and told me none if it was my fault. Yet here she is insinuating that it is. I point this apparent hypocrisy out to her, and she says "it's always partially your fault".
I've applied to every single job available in this area and city a couple of hours away. Then she said that I don't work enough currently (I'm a healthcare worker). I remind her that I work 3x 12.5hr shifts per week which is about the limit of which I can handle tbh. I'm wiping ass and coping abuse all day, it isn't easy.
She then rebutted me by saying "what about last year when you were only working 2 shifts per week". Wtf, I was studying a Masters degree so of course I was working less. And during my dissertation I was studying roughly 6-8 hours. In my view, doing a MSc full time during the week and working 12 hours on Saturday and Sunday is commendable, and I was the only student in my cohort who worked as much as I did. Most just lived off their student loan. Yet here I am, being made to feel like I was a lazy pos. I feel like she had absolutely no appreciation for just how hard i worked tbh.
when I asked her "what would you do differently in my shoes?" She was unable to answer. Crickets. I would have expected her to be able to list exactly where she could see room for improvement, but nope. Then she brought up how I don't "contribute enough to the household financially or with chores". She makes this argument from time to time and it infuriates me. I pay more than 50% of our bills and more than 50% for groceries. I effectively bought a car for her to use almost exclusively (every day drives to her uni, or work, or her stables). She has possession of the car around 95% of the time, yet I've been paying atleast 70% of the running costs of it (and boy did the thing need some work over the last 2 years). But she completely disregards that because it doesn't contribute to our standard of living. Whatever the fuck that even means.
So I say to her, what about all the trips I've taken you on? Last year I took her to Australia, I paid for everything. She said "that doesn't count because it was to see your family". I then said how about me taking you to Greece the year before last? Or me taking you to Sweden, Denmark, Germany, Switzerland and Italy on a road trip the year before that?
Do you know what her response was? "You see I don't like when you pay for these holidays because you always end up using them against me". WTF! She literally complained that I don't contribute enough financially! Ugh what is this logic even?
Then she moves on and says I dont do enough chores. I bought this hook line and sinker when we first got together, but I've really stepped up my game in the last two years. I pointed out that I prepare us meals, I vacuum, I do dishes, walk the dogs, dust, put my shit away, keep the mirror clean, you name it. She always has a clean flat to come home to.
But she says "it's not to my standard so I don't consider it done". Wtf? Absolute bs, I pay far closer attention to detail that she does. I do a very thorough job.
Basically, my partner makes absurd criticisms of me that I do not think have any basis in reality. How should I handle this? Because I do love her, but I'm really finding this aspect of her personality very jarring, unfair and difficult to deal with.
Also, sorry for the huge essay. I really needed to vent tbh.

I'm a 23-year-old male who works at a gas station alongside my full-time studies, so I'm busy seven days a week.
One day, while I was working, my sister offered to pick me up with her husband since they were in the area. I agreed, as long as it wasn't too much trouble for them.
After my shift ended, I was waiting for them when a young man on a motorcycle approached me and asked how to use the self-service pump. I explained it to him, and just then my sister arrived. I also explained to him that he could only pay with bills or a card. He asked if I could pay with my card and he would give me the cash, as he didn't have his card with him. I declined, not just because he had enough cash, but also because I was tired from my shift and had to get up early for college the next day. So I wanted to get home quickly.
In the car, my sister started questioning why I didn't help him, saying he would have given me the money. My brother-in-law was on my side and said that since he had enough cash, I did the right thing.
When I got home, I took a shower while my mom made dinner. She went for a walk with my sister, leaving me to finish cooking, set the table, eat, and then clean up.
As I was lying down, I heard them talking about the incident through the open window. Not wanting to argue, I pretended to be asleep.
For extra context, I lost my father when I was 15 and have taken on responsibilities since then. My mother doesn't work, but we're financially stable—not wealthy, but doing okay. I started working at the gas station to pay for a car, which we needed. I took on extra shifts to cover the initial costs and now I'm paying it off. I don't go out often or buy new things as long as the stuff I have (clothes, shoes) is still usable to avoid unnecessary spending.
They said some hurtful things, labeling me as cheap for not buying new stuff. They also mentioned that someone else would have paid for the young man since he was young and the amount wasn't significant.
This made me wonder, am I the asshole for not paying for him?

I’m 21f and living at home with my parents, 52m and 49f. I feel like I’m crazy but I just want to list some things that have happened over mostly this year: • My clothes have gone missing and while looking I’ve found my panties, bra, workout spandex, and other items hidden in her room under a blanket • She bought me a pair of running shoes and told me that I need to do dishes for her now (I do my own and regularly load the dish washer) • She comments on my body and compares how we look. I’m 5’9 and a beanpole and she’s 5’5 ish and a bit bigger; says things like “Yeah I wish I could wear that but I can’t pull that off” if I show her clothes that I bought. My dad will grab my waist and comment on my weight or how scrawny my legs look. There’s a lot more to this if anyone wants me to elaborate • She is very condescending to me about random things.. I had bought raw honey for my morning fruit and was so excited to show her and she laughed in my face and said all honey is raw. She wouldn’t stop talking about it and laughing for around 5 minutes. It feels like an ego trip • I’m super picky and don’t like getting sauce with my food, we went out to eat at Cane’s with my brother 22m and when she was ordering I was adamant that I didn’t want sauce with my food. We got back to the table and she slams down napkins and says I was being a brat and she wanted more sauce for herself and my brother. She called my dad crying after this and he chewed me out because she was having a rough day. This was over sauce.. • I do our laundry and have noticed she buys a lot of clothes I haven’t shown her or talked to her about; I got a bra from Skims and a few weeks later I noticed the same one in a different color in our laundry. I don’t know if she goes through my things because this has happened multiple times with underwear, shoes, beanies, bras, haircare, you name it. Even expensive skincare items (Estee Lauder night serum that was over $100 that she never tried and doesn’t use!) • I got money back on my taxes this year and decided to treat myself and was talking to her about some new boots I got and she whipped back “Yeah I have to pay $7800 in taxes this year I can’t do that”. • My fiancé and I have two cats together and she seemingly gets jealous of the relationship I have with my cat. She regularly calls him “her boy” “her baby” and other possessive terms and crosses the boundaries I’ve set; my cat doesn’t like to be picked up and freaks out, she picks him up to entertain herself and calls me uptight and continues to pick him up and mess with him. He exclusively cuddles with me and she gets upset when I send pictures of it. • My fiancé and I have a great relationship, I recently quit working this year to raise our puppy and he takes care of our finances. My mom and dad are rocky most of the time. My mom recently sat me down and asked if my fiancé was financially abusing me even though he provides me anything I want. She wouldn’t back down from the narrative which confused me.. She had always talked about how she wanted to quit work, about how lucky I was to have my fiancé, how nice and funny he is, and has said a few times that he’s handsome. • When I was in high school, I wasn’t in a good spot mentally and started to struggle in sports and a math class. My dad would pull me aside and berate me, would say “Do you fucking care? Are you fucking depressed or what?” “You know you have a pedigree right? You’re making us look bad” which isn’t even the tip of the iceberg. I found out every financial talk, depression talk, screaming match whatever he would have with me that my mom would instigate it behind closed doors. She would always comfort me after my dad would make me cry and talk about what a douchebag he was. My dad came to me recently and admitted he was shielding my mom because she was having mental health issues and didn’t want to be the bad guy, which she admitted to and said he shouldn’t have told me.
There’s so much more and I’m genuinely at a loss. I don’t know how to approach my parents and tell them I feel disrespected, hurt, and uncomfortable with how they’ve handled things and how they treat me sometimes. Just looking for advice I guess or any reason that they would be acting this way toward me. Thank you

My (24m) gf (23f) and I went on a trip last month. We’ve been together for a bit over 3 months officially. One of her closest friend’s (let’s call her Alice) was in that city and my gf wanted me to meet her for the first time. So we went for dinner with Alice and Alice’s boyfriend (let’s call him Rob). I got to know them and we had a really good time and went clubbing after.
The day before we returned to our city, my gf went out with Alice and didn’t come back till about 5am. Alice seemed cool and Alice was a girl so I didn’t mind that.
Last weekend my gf was drunk and let it slip that she used to sleep with Alice (my gf’s bisexual) before we met. She also mentioned that she once had a threesome with Alice and Rob about two years ago.
When my gf got sober I brought it up and she said she forgot to mention it because they’ve stopped sleeping together and the threesome was only once. And that they haven’t talked about it since they stopped sleeping together and are just purely platonic friends now.
Here’s the thing, my gf is an extremely jealous person. If I’m going out with a female friend she wants me to tell her in advance. She’ll also ask if they’re single and doesn’t like if I hang out with female friends that aren’t in relationships. She also doesn’t want me to have anything to do with anyone I’ve had a past with. I get all of that and have no issue obliging cause I don’t want her to feel uncomfortable and I don’t think she’s being unreasonable.
But her not telling me before I met Alice and Bob that she used to sleep with Alice and had a threesome with them really upset me. I mean I went on a double date and she’s had a threesome with the other couple. And then she went out with Alice and was out till 5am. Knowing they used to sleep together changes how comfortable I am with that.
She said since Alice is a girl she wasn’t really thinking about the fact that they used to sleep together. And she didn’t think about the threesome because it’s been almost 2 years. I asked her what she would do if I did the same thing to her and she said she would breakup with me if she was in my shoes.
She’s been apologizing all night but I’m still pretty upset and don’t know what to do. She asked me what she can do to make her trust me and I honestly don’t know. She asked if I would want her to stop being friends with Alice and Bob. I feel like that would be controlling since she has known them for years but I feel weird knowing she’s close friends with people she used to sleep with. Especially knowing she doesn’t even want me saying hi to anyone I’ve had a past with. She says it’s different because they’re both girls but I don’t really see the difference.
Am I the asshole for being upset by this and considering breaking up?
Also, would it be controlling to ask her to stop being friend’s with the couple? And do you think I’d be overreacting if I decide to breakup with her?

Venue: Greensboro Coliseum (Greensboro, NC)
Attendance: ~8,200

Winner	Loser	Match Finish	Stipulation
Chad Gable w/ The Alpha Academy	Sami Zayn	Chaos Theory after Otis attacks Sami
Bron Breakker	Kale Dixon	Spearb
Lyra Valkyria	Iyo Sky	Pin Reversal	Queen of the Ring Semifinal
The Awesome Truth (c) w/ Braun Strowman	Finn Balor and JD McDonough w/ Dominik and Carlito	AA after Braun Strowman runs down and causes JD to run into the ring	For the World Tag Team Championships
Shayna Bazler and Zoey Stark	Damage Ctrl, Ivy Nile and Maxxine Dupree, Katana Chance and Kayden Carter	Alley-Oop Knee	#1 Contender for the Women's Tag Team Championships
GUNTHER	Jey Uso	Chokehold	King of the Ring Semifinal

• Kickoff with Intercontinental Champion Sami Zayn making his way to the ring. He says we are 5 days away from King and Queen of the Ring and he finds himself in a triple threat with Bronson Reed and Chad Gable for his Intercontinental Championship. Sami says he agreed to this match despite the disadvantage because he has two issues to deal with, one is very personal with Chad Gable and vows that Chad Gable has an ass kicking coming his way. The other issue with Bronson Reed isn't personal, all he cares about is the title, so the way Sami sees it this is a fight between the mind, Chad Gable, the body, Bronson Reed, and the soul, Sami Zayn. Sami says if he's putting his money down he's betting on soul every single time because it's that passion that is the reason he's holding this title right now and he was able to beat GUNTHER at Wrestlemania, and why he will walk out this Saturday still champion. Chad Gable comes out with the Alpha Academy in tow. Chad says he isn't manipulative, he selfishlessly coached Sami to victory at Wrestlemania and says he's been too damn nice to Sami and the three clowns standing behind him. Take Maxxine for example, she should be competing in the Queen of the Ring finals but she blew her opportunity and she's a failure. Tozawa did 0% of the damage he demanded he do to Bronson last week which makes him a failure as well. Chad turns his attention to Otis and says last week he proved once again why he is the biggest disappointment on the planet. Sami says he's heard just about enough and asks the Alpha Academy how much longer are they gonna deal with this guy's crap?! Chad says he sees what Sami is trying to do but the three of them have already re-dedicated themselves to him and the Alpha Academy. Chad says he's sick of hearing Sami go on about his heart and his soul, it's pathetic and says in Saudi Arabia he's going to pin Sami and won't just be taking that tile, he's taking his soul. Sami says Saudi isn't for another 5 days and last he checked they're scheduled for one on one competition tonight and both of them are dressed and ready to go so let's get it on.
  
• During the opening match Chad tries to get Maxxine and Tozawa to cheat on his behalf but both hesitate, causing him to make them go to the back. After Otis also fails to attack Sami as well Chad slaps him before grabbing the title belt to try and strike Sami. Sami ducks but Otis attacks him while his is in the corner, allowing Chad to his the Chaos Theory for the win.
  
• Backstage Chad is interviewed after his victory but there is a commotion and the camera rushes to find Crus Del Toro laid out with the rest of the LWO checking on him asking is Carlito did this.
  
• After the referee stoppage Bron runs the ropes and nails Dixon with a third spear before throwing him to the outside. Bron goes to attack him with the steel steps but officials rush down to stop him. Bron backs up and grabs a steel chair which he uses to bash Dixon's skull betwee the corner of the steps. Bron walks off as paramedics rush down to attend to Dixon. After the break Dixon is loaded into an ambulance and Adam Pearce shouts for Bron and says he's never been good at math so make this add up for him. Bron says Pearce didn't put him in King of the Ring, this is what he gets.
  
• Backstage Becky tells Lyra has come a long way for this and she's gotta go out there and show why it's been all worth it. Lyra says she's got it.
  
• Lyra is interviewed after her victory, but before she can speak Iyo shouts in Japanese at her before leaving. Lyra says three weeks ago she wouldn't believe that she'd be standing there beating a former WWE Women's Champion, and says it doesn't matter how you get the job the done as long as you believe you can and now she is only one Nightwing away from being Queen of the Ring.
  
• R-Truth is talking with New Catch Republic when Miz comes in and tells Truth they may be in a disadvantage going against Judgement Day. R-Truth says his good friend Andre the Giant told him he's got their back as Miz has to tell Truth that Andre passed about 30 years ago. Truth asks what he passed on before walking. Miz looks up and says they could use Andre in spirit tonight, Truth walks back and says people call him crazy before waving up at the sky.
  
• Earlier today GUNTHER is standing in the stands and admits he was wrong, 7 months ago he mocked Jey Uso, but he has turned himself to one of the hottest people in this company and later tonight these seats will be filled with thousands of people cheering in delusion. GUNTHER says he deals in reality and says tonight it won't matter who is the more exciting act on the way to the ring, it's about who is best once that bell rings and after that final bell rings all those people will embrace him and soon he will be King of the Ring.
  
• In the Judgement Day Clubhouse Finn and JD say they are ready to bring the tag titles back, Priest moves to Dom and Carlito and tells him good work on what he did to Del Toro earlier and Carlito says he came back til the heat dies down. Damian tells him they aren't his personal protection agency and that he needs to keep earning his keep. Dom reminds him that Carlito did help Finn and JD last week so they're cool.
  
• Backstage Shayna Bazler returns! She approaches Zoey Starks and Shayna Bazler and tells them she has something to talk to them about, Zoey seems interested but Shayna shuts it down and says they're busy as they go to prepare for their match
  
• Backstage Becky congratulates Lyra on her win and says they'll never beat the Irish. Lyra continues walking and runs into Liv Morgan who congratulates her as well and says she's shocked she didn't have Becky help her win again like last week. As Lyra goes to explain Liv distracts Lyra before slapping her.
  
• Bronson Reed confronts Sami backstage and tells him he doesn't have to worry about Sami and his mind games, instead he should be looking at the real threat standing right in front of him. Bronson leaves as Otis walks in and Sami says he expected better out of him but maybe he's wrong about him and tells Otis he shouldn't be proud of himself. Otis tells Sami he's truly sorry and Sami believes him. He tells him that Chad isn't a good guy and that he's been in Otis's shoes before and it's time he stops listening to Gable and starts listening to the fans.
  
• Becky Lynch makes her way down to the ring. She says in 5 days she'll be defending her title against Liv Morgan, the two of them have a lot of history, they've fought in honor and in bad blood but not once has Liv beaten her. Now we are dealing a much different Liv Morgan, attacking people from behind and bailing on fights. Becky goes to talk about when she first came over here but Liv comes out to interrupt. She says Becky is gaslighting the fans since last week Becky punched her and she was just getting retaliation and she left once Damage CTRL came out because that wasn't her fight. Liv says she doesn't even care about Becky, her only purpose is to finish the Liv Morgan Revenge Tour. Becky congratulates Liv on finally finding a purpose after being here for 10 years, while she has had her purpose since she first started training at 15, she wanted equality and to break down barriers and wanted to leave things better than she found it, meanwhile Liv just wants revenge and then what. Liv says Becky is the most selfish person in this company and has only ever cared about herself, but since Becky was so kind to ask about someone else for a change Liv says she'll finally sit at the top of the mountain as WWE Champion. Becky says these people have always come here for here, and right now Liv is here and she is here so why wait, let's get this going right now. Liv walks down but turns around at the ring, she says she's doing the smart thing and waiting until the title is actually on the line and tells Becky to cry about it.
  
• Back at the club house Damian demands that someone explains what happened. Carlito says he thought JD was supposed to handle Strowman and Priest tells McDonough to challenge Strowman to a match next week. Priest says he doesn't even recognize them anymore. Finn agrees and tells JD to go to Pearce and get the match made.
  
• In the trainers room the doctor tells Woods he's now cleared to compete and Kofi celebrates and goes off to tell Pearce they're ready to re-enter the tag division. After Kofi leaves Karrion Kross enters and tells Woods there is always times for things to be turned around.
  
• Backstage Ludwig Kaiser says he hopes Jey Uso takes his loss tonight better than Sheamus took his loss. He says Sheamus used to love to fight but now he just pounds at a computer being a keyboard warrior and challenges for Sheamus to come back to Ludwig can put him down for good. After Ludwig Kaiser leaves Drew McIntyre comes out and says he's surprised he's here after being medically disqualified, but the people want him and calls out the paper champion Damian Priest, saying he's spreading himself too thin with the Judgement Day, LWO, Braun, Awesome Truth, and more and says it's the same things he warned Seth about and look how that turned out.
  
• Backstage Chad is talking to the Creed Brothers about amatuer wrestling stories and tells them to keep in mind about what they discussed. Otis walks up and tells Chad he apologized to Sami. Chad assumes he's doing this to soften up Sami and asks Otis if he's all set to help him win back his Intercontinental Championship together and tells him to say it and Otis says of course.
  
• Jey Uso says tonight is the night, there is no tomorrow, the main event vs the Ring General and says he almost had GUNTHER last time but he's gonna finish the job, GUNTHER gonna get a yeetdown while he's about to get that crown.
  

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This past weekend I threw my buddy a bachelor party. Now he got married in December but because of a scheduling we had to do it after. Little back story I was 1 of 2 best men. The other no showed. In fact. All of my buddy’s invites (family included) no showed for his wedding. So I naturally wanted him to have some great memories. So I planned a weekend in San Diego and deep sea fishing. Invited all his buddies. Paid for everything but their hotel and food. I shopped around and made phone calls and finally settled on a fishing charter.
Well none of my buddy’s friends got back to me except for 1 for 5 months. And I was this kids coach when he was in high school. Hate him. He was also the other best man. So I plan the trip. We were to go to Mexican waters for great fishing. Well the other guy never got his passport even though I told him 5 months ago. So I find this out this past Monday. I call the boat captain and we change the trip to an island trip, way more expensive but supposed to be the best fishing possible In US waters. I told the captain from the get go our goal was not a specific fish, but one you have to use two hands to hold.
I spent 4500 on a trip to catch four fish the size of my shoe. 11 hours. They took us to San Clemente where there were no fishing reports despite Coronado having great reports. Also Multiple issues with the boat.
The other best man didn't pitch in for shit. Didn't book his hotel and tells me when we stop at the grocery store 5 minutes before the hotel. Says he's just gonna get a cot and sleep in my room. Fuck no.
Also while we are at the grocery store he tells the groom that he’s gonna cover his alcohol. He doesn’t. He buys himself two cases of beer and has my buddy buy his own shit. Not a real big deal but I didn’t want the groom to have to cover anything. We go to a steak dinner after our shitty day on the boat. I pay for the groom. We order sides for the table. The other guy doesn’t. Orders one of the most expensive steaks and no sides. Proceeds to eat ALL of the sides from the table. Split a salad with my buddy that went but had my buddy pay.
I type this and I know I’m sounding petty but I’m infuriated.
We come back yesterday. We all rode together. I drove.
Dip shit left his phone in my truck. Asks when I get home. Tell him 330 but leaving right after for the gym. He doesn’t respond. End up not going to the gym. Guess who shows up at my house at 4? Than wants to chit chat outside. I want to strangle this kid.
Flip side. I was really hoping to have a good time on this trip for my own personal gain, just needed a break. My wife and I are trying for a baby. I’ve wanted us to have kids for the last 8 years and she’s wanted to wait. I’m 33.
She just had her second miscarriage. Now she wants to wait again. I’m struggling. Also the groom just announced he’s having a girl.
If that weren’t all, I find myself struggling with our relationship. I am a romantic. Go all out on birthdays and Christmas. Anything to make her feel special. She doesn’t do the same. She’s not affectionate with me. Hardly touches me. Doesn’t ever pursue sex. If I don’t plan something for my birthday we don’t do anything. I get It. Not her love language. But what about my love language.
We do have fun together. Every now and then. I would never consider leaving my wife nor cheating but I truly feel unloved. I know she cares but not like I need/want.
And we’ve talked about it but she chops it up to being my fault or that I only want to have sex or that’s just how she is. I thought marriage was about compromise.
There’s much more but I’ll start with this.
Btw. Been with my wife for 16years. Married for 11.

I (20) started talking to this girl (23) on tinder about three weeks ago. Things have been going really, really well. I feel like we click on so many levels. She's just so easy to talk to and I'm already very comfortable with her in a way I've never been with someone from a dating app. We recently moved to talking on social media and planned a date for next weekend when we're both off work. I've been over the moon excited to meet her until today.
I looked at her Instagram last night, and all of her tinder pictures are from years ago (the most recent being 2 years ago, and some older than that). She has a couple more recent pictures on her Instagram, but not very many, and no recent pictures on her tinder. She looks incredibly different now than she does in her tinder pictures (and I'm not sure if it's weird to bring up preemptively, but I figure I'll get ahead of the Reddit accusations and mention that this is not about weight. She did not gain weight. It's almost like her entire face changed; she looks much older than 23, to the point that I'm wondering if she's lying about her age on tinder as well as using younger pictures).
I am not attracted to her the way she looks now. It feels shallow, but I'm just not. On top of that, I feel like it's a really bad first impression to lie about what you look like, and I'm very caught off guard and frankly, disappointed.
I guess I'm not sure what to do now. Talking to her is great. I'm wondering if I should go on the date this weekend with the hope that the recent pictures are just bad pictures... but then what do I do if they aren't?
My friend says I should go on the date with her and if she isn't attractive, just tell her I don't want a second date. Which I'm willing to do, but I'm hung up on the 'how' of it. My friend says this would be a situation where lying would be better (tell her I'm not ready to date and didn't realize until we went out, or something to that affect) than outright saying I'm not attracted to her because I expected her to look much different. I'm inclined to just follow her advice, but it feels like taking the easy way out. I feel bad lying. But what else would I say? I know I would feel better hearing that she's not ready to date if I was in her shoes... but I'd also think that was the truth if I was in her shoes.
Just feeling really stuck here.

This is unfortunately going to be a niche post because I don't know how many history nerds watch anime but for anyone who's familiar with this genre of anime, I'm surprised no one's tried to write a manga or anime where an ordinary girl from the modern day dies and gets reincarnated into Anne Boleyn, preferably right when she's caught Henry's eye at court. For those unfamiliar, the "reborn as the villainess" anime sub-genre is an affectionate parody of typical shoujo (aka, targeted towards a young female demographic) story where the poor, downtrodden commoner girl is romantic rivals with a stereotypical haughty rich girl (aka, the "villainess"). The "reborn as a villainess genre" essentially asks the question of "what if you suddenly woke up in the body of Regina George and had all the social power and money a teenage girl could dream of but unfortunately everyone secretly hates you and another pretty girl is destined to steal your boyfriend and everything you have"? Thus, the main characters of these stories wake up in the bodies of young women who are beautiful, wealthy, and powerful but doomed to some sort of karmic death or punishment because of the previous body's inhabitant's actions and they have to use their wits to avoid this fate and hopefully fix their reputation.
Now, I'm obviously not comparing the actual Anne Boleyn to Regina George but I think her story might resonate with the themes of the "reborn as a villainess" genre." These stories LOVE to look at cliche romance stories from the designated romantic rival's perspective and sympathize with them. Anne Boleyn has been deemed a "whore" and a "homewrecker" by popular culture but an intriguing story could be told if a random girl from the modern day woke up in her shoes and was forced to navigate court politics and Anne's dangerous relationship with Henry. Have the hypothetical main character be a history nerd so she knows what happens to Anne and what dates to look out for and have her be determined to change history. There's two paths the main character could follow: either be ambitious and become Queen of England but avoid the beheading and survive to see Elizabeth (or a hypothetical son) succeed Henry or GTFO out of court without rousing Henry's wrath and maybe set yourself up with a loving marriage to someone who won't cut off your head. The main character might try to befriend Catherine of Aragon and Mary (probably not realistic but these stories often try to have the "villainess" turn nice to see what happens) or be more calculating and ruthless to avoid execution. Frankly, it could be a compelling visual novel with multiple endings.
I think Tudor media could afford to try new twists and I think having a story like this could be refreshing. I'm honestly surprised that anime hasn't touched upon Henry VIII before, since there was a Richard III anime a few years back. It has a lot of things that shoujo or josei anime watchers could enjoy: an intense web of romantic relationships, pretty costumes and settings, court intrigue, betrayal, and strong female characters in the form of Henry's wives. What do you guys think?

Buckle up, it’s gonna be a long post! First time poster, so please forgive me for the lengthy post, but I feel the details are import. I (46F) married my husband (52M) almost 17 months ago after dating for six weeks. To add some context, we have known each other for 30 years. We met when I was 15 & he was 21. His younger sister & I were good friends. My mentally unstable, Southern Baptist Grandmother who raised me was obviously not cool with he & I having any sort of a relationship back then so we snuck around and had the closest we could to a relationship at that time. This went on for years, off and on. I was in love with him from the beginning, but always afraid to tell him for fear of rejection. Come to find out years later, he felt the same way towards me back then. Over time, we went our separate ways, both got married twice & divorced twice, had kids, etc… about 3 years ago we reconnected. I was married at the time and he was in a relationship so no lines were crossed. We kept everything platonic. Eventually, we found ourselves both single at the same time. So, Thanksgiving 2022 neither of us had any plans. I invited him over. We hung out, ate, drank, I told him in advance he should just plan to stay the night since he had to be at work at 8:00 am the next day & I’m only about 30 mins from his work & his house was an hour from my house in the opposite direction. (Not like we haven’t ever shared a bed before). So, long story short, things picked up where they left off 24 years prior. We very quickly and seamlessly fell into a relationship. It wasn’t hard. This man used to be my best friend. I knew everything about his core values, his priorities in life, etc… and he knew everything about me as well. It wasn’t long before the conversation of Marriage started getting brought up. We knew we wanted to spend the rest of our lives together and we weren’t getting any younger. Everything was wonderful. We were planning on getting married in about a year. He has two boys. At the time they were 10 & 12. He had shared custody with their mother. I had not met her, but I hadn’t heard anything good about her either. I met his boys right after Christmas. They all came to stay the night with me on Mew Years Eve. Everything was falling into place, I was on top of the world. January 3rd we were laying in bed and I just made the statement “I’d marry you now if I could”. He said he felt the same. So long story short, Jan 6th we got married in my living room & didn’t tell anyone (at first). That didn’t last long bc we were too happy to keep it a secret. January 8th his boys called me and asked me to come get them from their mom’s house (their dad was at work) bc she was getting high in front of them with a 16 year old. That was the last night they spent with her. Side note, my son was almost 26 at that time & he is disabled. He has a very rare chromosomal abnormality that has left him completely non-ambulatory, non-verbal and terminal. He wasn’t expected to live as long as he has. I was not planning on raising any more children, but I love my husband and when all this happened, without hesitation, I told him to go get the boys, move in with me (bc I have the bigger house) and we will figure it all out. I quit my job & started working from home. I’m now a full-time caregiver to my son, plus overnight I took on the roll of mother to his two boys. It’s been challenging. They have a lot of emotional trauma to work through (from mom & dad), they hadn’t had proper medical, dental or vision care in years. I blame both of their parents bc their mom didn’t care & dad just assumed she was taking care of everything. My husband has also brought a whole set of unresolved emotional baggage into our marriage from his marriage to the boy’s mom. He doesn’t think a therapist can help him in any way and refuses to entertain the idea of going to one. he has zero ability for emotional regulation (nor do his boys), he immediately gets defensive and gaslights if anything is ever mentioned about his kids (even when it’s done in a calm manner out of concern), he always dominates any conversation we have and he treats me with a lack of respect in front of his kids, so you can guess how they treat me. For context, I had a very abusive childhood. I entered adulthood emotionally and mentally unstable w/out any of the skills necessary to navigate healthy relationships. I was not a good person for the first 12 or so years of my adult life. I used people. In my defense, that’s what I was taught & it’s all I knew. I finally figured out I didn’t want to be that person & started making changes, found a great therapist, started working on myself and made sure I was in a good place mentally and emotionally before considering entering into another relationship. So I recognize a lot of the unhealthy behaviors in my husband and his boys. I do genuinely love all of them and I want to give the boys every opportunity I didn’t have going into adulthood. So I keep trying to teach them things like healthy interpersonal skills, being accountable for one’s actions, impulse control (oldest is ADHD & has serious issues with impulses & compulsions as well as anger issues). So whenever I try to discuss with my husband something that I think he and I should do to help achieve any of these things he always gets defensive, argues with me, justifies their behavior, etc… There is so much more I could explain, but this post is already long enough. We fight constantly about the same issues with the kids and my need to be heard and validated. I literally kill myself doing Everything around the house, while caring for my son, taking care of his two boys, 29 chickens & a garden. I go non-stop from about 8:00 am-11:00 pm. I ask for what I consider the bare minimum. A little appreciation and when I’m talking to them that they don’t interrupt me and just acknowledge that they heard me. I can’t remember the last time I completed a full sentence w/out one of them talking over me. It makes me feel minimized. I feel like the only time any of them value me is if I’m doing for them or buying them things. Which I have paid for 95% of all the clothes, gifts & furniture as well as all of a birthday cruise for the boys and about 95% of the food and the majority of the bills. I also do about the same percentage of the household chores. I do nothing except take care of all of them. I have barely a shred of time to ever do anything for myself anymore. So now to the final straw. It got brought up in a conversation through text between my husband and I earlier this evening that I’m not only concerned about, but also tired of the fact that pretty much everything out of the 13 y/o’s mouth is either an over exaggeration, warped version of the truth or just complete fabrication. I don’t like feeling like I can’t believe anything he says, not to mention, he will never build healthy relationships or make it very far in any career if he is unable to ever tell the truth. I followed by saying that I don’t think we need to scold or punish him, but maybe start trying to gently encourage him to modify his behavior. I made sure to put that in text twice because I know my husband, and he only reads or hears what he wants to hear or read. FFWD to dinner: we are all sitting on the couch eating dinner and my husband and the oldest were talking so I waited for a break in their conversation and I started to say that pretty soon we need to go through all of his and his brother’s clothes and shoes and figure out what fits and what doesn’t so we can get rid of the old stuff and start getting ready to get school clothes. I got as far as “pretty soon we need to go through” when I was abruptly cut off by the 13-year-old, who did not even acknowledge that I was speaking and started talking to his dad again about the size of their feet. This is a bit of a sore spot with me as I am constantly being treated like this by my husband and the kids. I did not say anything in front of the 13-year-old. I waited until he walked away and mentioned it to my husband. As usual, my husband said that they heard me and I asked him how could they hear me when I didn’t even finish my sentence and then my husband followed up by saying that’s how an active conversation works that people just jump in wherever. I argued, an active conversation is where people give each other a chance to speak their words and respectfully listening is just as much a component of a healthy conversation as actually speaking. He said it’s not necessary that they acknowledge me when I speak to them. My husband then tried to manipulate the conversation and say that I’m expecting them to wait until I tell them they can speak which is not the case at all. I just want a chance to speak as well and be heard. My husband decides to take it up a level, and bring up the text conversation from earlier and say that I was criticizing the 13-year-old and calling him a liar. My husband never bothered to mention either of the times in the text conversation where I said I don’t want to punish him, but I would like to gently lead him into the direction of a healthier behavior, and when I tried to explain or defend myself, my husband did his usual where he dominates the conversation and doesn’t let me speak, nor does he listen to anything I’m trying to say or consider any of it with any amount of objectiveness. It’s literally like trying to talk to a four year-old throwing a temper tantrum. he hears what he wants to and refuses to acknowledge anything that’s actually being said, and he will manipulate and gaslight rather than try to have a constructive and productive conversation. I am just at a point that I am exhausted with all of this. My husband wants to cherry pick when I am a mother figure to his kids, and he only wants me to be a “mom” when I am doing things for them or buying them things, but when it comes to the nitty-gritty of parenting where I’m having to use tough love or teach them life lessons then it results in a huge argument. The kids know they can treat me any way they want to and get away with pretty much anything because they know that their dad is always going to defend them and tell me I am a liar or I am over exaggerating. These kids have no chores, pretty much run around here all day doing whatever they want to, and their dad always finds a way to make all of their actions someone else’s fault. Our last argument was a few days ago. It was because I very nicely asked if we could just set some ground rules about the pool and that the boys not use all of the pool cleaning tools as toys because they don’t just play with things, They have to destroy everything and that includes all of the tools I used to clean the pool and then I don’t have them when I need them. That was a ridiculous request on my part according to their father and I was told boys will be boys. I am exhausted with all of this. I love my husband, but I don’t like him very much anymore, and I keep trying to have a relationship with his kids, but he has created an environment where I no longer have a desire to try and build a relationship with them because no matter what I do, according to him, it’s never enough and when I have a legitimate request or complaint I’m met with Manipulation, opposition, and gaslighting. Mind you, my husband makes less than the bare minimum effort to have a relationship with my son. While I do not agree with the majority of the actions of the boy’s Mom, there is part of me that understands why she has walked away. I talked to her mother a lot, so I’ve gotten both sides of the story and her claim is that she doesn’t want anything to do with her kids because they are so disrespectful to her due to their father not ever holding them accountable for their actions. I don’t agree with her walking out on her children, but I can understand how she feels. So, that leads me to my question…. Am I the A-hole for reaching a point where I just want to walk away and until I am in a financial situation to where I can either walk away or take over the mortgage on the house we bought together am I the A-hole for not wanting to continue to try to be involved in my step son’s lives? if any part of this doesn’t make sense or you need more information for more context, please comment or message me and I will fill you in because there’s so much more. I have not put in this post. Thank you all for your advice in advance.

Blood tests appear fine, but I can't get my guardians to set me up with a primary care provider. Symptoms include constant chills to the point of not being able to walk, constant stomach pain, dropping and breaking things almost 24/7, and tripping to the point where I can barely get up out of bed and walk without being in pain from muscle weakness anymore. I take sleeping meds along with anxiety pills, but I don't know if they're enough anymore. . . . . . . . . . . . .
I've had labels thrown at me ranging from bipolar like my mother from a licensed psychologist to a schizophrenic who thinks they have ghosts in their bones by EMTs. They constantly ask how much caffeine I drink even though I only drink one cup a day (ranges in size). I would switch over to decaf in a heartbeat, but it's no longer sold on store shelves where I live and I'm stuck with what's available. I've tried to cut back on soda/kool-aid/etc. and mostly drink cold water from their dispenser to save money. I usually go for a sprite when I'm out at a restaurant. All my blood tests come back fine aside from Vitamin D and my stool looks completely normal. I do have the rounded gels for vitamin D, but I forget to take them.
I left my phone at therapy on accident so using this time to see if I can make sense of the outside world, but all it really does so far is prove the point of why I'm addicted to my phone in the first place. While everyone else aimlessly scrolls through TikTok, browsing actual social media like Twitter and Reddit is the only way to connect with the outside world in a small rural town with next to nothing but a trashed up Dollar General. I feel hopeless when it comes to everyday civil rights issues taking place around the world while I'm stuck with old boomers who pray for our demise.
It's not safe to get an apartment where I live because of all the drugged up deadbeats banging on people's windows and helping themselves to everyone else's spaces while the cops do nothing. I've also had all kinds of people come up to me and fantasize about wanting to kill my pets in front of me, so that's another thing I have to worry about as well. There's even been issues with people pulling out knives on each other, so even though I've bought pepper spray for myself I dont think it's enough to protect my entire living space from being pillaged. It might injure my pet if the perpetrator decides to aim for my pet first and I can't spray them in time.
Steel padlocks don't mean jack fucking shit when people can pick up a screwdriver from somewhere and unscrew the hinges off the door while I'm gone just like my sister's kids did to me growing up. Security cameras don't mean much either if all the meth heads are just gonna come back and rip through all the replacements without any consequences from the police whatsoever. Not only is it unsanitary and unsafe, but I wouldn't be able to find clothes that fit me without traveling out of state either. I would like to start walking again, but I'm scared of falling in the middle of a busy highway or tumbling into a ditch somewhere. Even then it wouldn't matter how much weight I lose due to cup size being controlled by horomones. The only reason I'm so concerned about my heart is because my mother's side of the family has heart issues really bad.
I do go to group therapy (CBT), but they've practically given up on the "mental health" aspect because it triggers all the other clients into not wanting to come anymore, with some being in even worse conditions than I am (CSA, domestic violence, etc). Whenever we try to provide reasonable explainations on how coping mechanisms can trigger volatile reactions out of other family members, we're constantly being invalidated and told that we're just choosing to be miserable. Everyone is always a stuck up about how family is so important and how we need to "love" them from a distance. However, I can't just go anywhere else for therapy because the only other psychologists they have for miles (ones at the facility) will literally raise their voice and scream at residents in front of everyone else if they don't get their way. I can't go to the other group therapy that the residents because some of them reek so bad to the point of giving me flashbacks of my parents' roach infested hoards.
Everyone gets onto my ass about leaving things on the table when I go use the restroom, but the truth is that I'm already tired of having my all shit stolen since I was 10 while everyone in my life sat around and told me to quit crying and bitching about everything. I do try to watch other residents and keep my personal items within arms reach, but I can't keep up when I can barely exit my bed and walk down the fucking halls just to eat. That's all on top of my parents consisting of three different hoarders and losing track of everything I bring over there (not to mention all the roaches, mice, and animal waste all over the floor).
I've gotten a lot more freedom since moving away from the cult, but everything I did to cope has practically gone out the fucking window due to thieves and lack of internet (they won't fix the damn router bc they dont know anything about tech). I used to have a Bluey box full of different characters from the show (ordered online ofc), but everything's so filthy that I can't really bring anything out besides toys or stuffed animals. I have an entire tote of books I've never even touched because the place is way too nasty to have them out and risk them getting ruined.
Whenever my belongings do go missing, I'm told to just suck it up and forget about it. I'm scared to fucking death end up with holes in them from being burnt or get mixed up with other women's clothes and get caught being worn them when they supposedly "know better" according to staff. I had a female resident at the religious group home scream and cry to the point that my entire fucking body weight against the damn door wasn't enough to stop her from barging into my bedroom and harass me for shit (that's after all the BS with my sister's kids for over a decade), so I'm not even gonna try to talk to anyone directly anymore.
If I told anyone in my family about my concerns, they would just get pissed and ramble on about how it's my choice to be there, how I need to stop bitching about everything not going my way, and that I should've just stayed at the religious group home. Therapists keep acting like it's all my fault in regards to my emotions, that I just need to work on myself and tell me there's nothing else they can do. Nothing fucking matters when everything on my broken ass tablet requires internet and my consoles are broken. Hell, I'd be having a blast with my 2DS XL if the thing didn't fall apart within the first month. All I really wanted it for was to emulate old PC games and hook it up to the TV. I figured that if I had all my games on one device with the bare minimum accessories needed to make it function, I wouldn't have to feel like a damn hoarder anymore.
I love the tiny library of games I have on my Wii, but my remote is absolutely dirty as fuck with roach poop and other crud. There's no way to clean it without literally soaking it in something. The console itself has all kinds of encrusted gunk on the side from where my hoarder father attached velcro to the side of it. Constant chills makes it practically impossible to sit up and play the games as well (I'm lucky just to be able to stand up anymore). My library is small enough that I'm willing to fuck around with gyroscopic controls for fun. It's not even the biggest priority to me anyway because there would be so many other games to play in the mean time.
I figured with the Steamdeck I could could prop it up against the bed or set it on a table use a controller with it if I reach a point to where I can't see the TV screen from my bed. I can't apply for a job at Walmart to pay for the thing myself because of my balance issues causing me to fall and the inability to grip anything (which would result in massive damages to inventory). I'm also worried about them taking all my earnings since my SSI check isn't enough to cover rent and I need state supplement. I thought about selling my art on Redbubble and save up that way, but my 2022 Samsung tablet that I got a few months ago glitches out when I try to draw stuff and crashes whenever I try to play certain games.
I can honestly forget about recieving one for Christmas/birthdays because for whatever reason, everyone has to have their way when it comes to gift giving and god fucking forbid you try to establish the most basic of boundaries or else you're nothing a spoiled bitch. It's one thing for the Steamdeck to be out of budget, and it's another to deliberately go against a person's wishes when it comes to simple shit like candy or soda when they obviously fucking know better. It doesn't help that everyone goes apeshit over the concept of making a "wishlist" like their life depends on it, only to hand me a sack full of random shit from the Dollar Tree and call it a day. It's also impossible to give it all away when nobody else wants it (I don't have transportation to Goodwill) and throwing away new items is a trigger for me.
I know the Steamdeck wouldn't really fix anything outside of the clutter issue and I probably shouldnt be getting one with my current impairments, but it would provide me with something to do outside of being on social media 24/7. Given the total squalor I grew up in as a child, I'd be genuinely happy with a lot of things outside of the Steamdeck if it weren't for my living situation literally preventing me from doing so:
_ toys
_ art
_ exercise bike
_ walking outside

• playing games on the 2DS again

All of these "coping" mechanisms would come back to me if I were able to move to a different area in my own setting where I don't have to constantly worry about pest infestations from the neighbors, getting evicted for no reason, and random strangers trying to kill me or my pets. I've looked everywhere for supported independence programs and absolutely all of them require a medical waiver with a waiting list of up to 10 years. I absolutely need these services for my own safety as a neglected autistic person to ensure that people aren't just gonna come out of the woodworks and try to assault me on my own property. If I move to a more stable area, I could finally get a decent job without having to worry about coworkers coming up to me and taking shit out of my hands for not knowing any better. I could finally have stuff to do outside of technology and be comfortable with my own surroundings.
Even if all of this is just anxiety, I'm still fucked over when in it comes to actual health issues like gingivitis (as confirmed by Aspen Dental) and getting my wisdom teeth removed due to the lack of a primary care physician. I've done everything I can to and they just won't do anything to get me in to see a doctor. I try to brush my teeth when I can but hurts too much to do so. I also feel overwhelmed with trying to organize everything as I keep getting way more brushes than I possibly need and people will not take no for an answer. I don't even know how to prepare for death anymore as I don't even have loved ones. The only people I've ever been given true contact with are my hoarder parents and mentally unstable sister and that's it; no friends or anything.
There's nothing I can really do to repeal the guardianship without taking everyone to court, which is impossible with my sister's busy schedule and unwillingness to work with anybody else. I only because it gives me something to do finally outside of being locked up all week until I go to a half-assed therapy session for three hours. However, they usually go straight home and aren't really willing to go anywhere that costs money aside from restaurants since we have next to no food at the house (even then it becomes unsafe to eat due to all the roaches and mice).
The bane of her existence is to scream about how much of a lazy ass I am despite turning my parents basement into a hoarded up shithole that's flooded out with animal waste to the point of attracting mice. I know her issues aren't my problem, but back in the day she'd come up behind me and pinch my sides to aggrivate me. She also threw pants/shoes/etc. at me while I was on the bed and even shoved me out of the way after accusing me of hiding something I wasn't supposed to have in the kitchen drawer (I was a legal adult at the time). I usually lay flat in bed to avoid confrontation, but ignoring her makes her volatile so I'm screwed either way. I'm pretty sure she's beating and starving her dogs as well, but nobody really gives a fuck. I've got too many of my own issues to even try worrying about them. She's known to be a neurotin junkie for years since moving in with my parents and was even caught smuggling Adderall at work while the cops didn't give a fuck and turned her loose the next day.
I would've called the cops only if there was another child still in the house, but can't do so otherwise because of the risk of charges being brought against me for slander and libel (APS labeled the case as unsubstantiated). I can't just go around risking all my freedom and housing over sick animals that would more than likely be euthanized anyway. Not that animal control would do anything to begin with, of course. I know it feels redundant to even go over there every weekend in those conditions, but I'm tired of being cooped up all day. I'm tired of not having access to a PC with internet and not being able to breathe due to all the secondhand smoke.
I have finally have regular access to food and meds at the facility, but I'm bored with nothing that makes me feel comfortable anymore. I used to walk around town because of my issues with knocking stuff off tables, bumping into everything, and tripping all the time. I used to play games on my tablet to get through the day, but the internet no longer works since switching it over to a new name and the staffare too lazy to just reset the router (everything is infested with ads). We do have bingo during the week, but most people only play for cigarettes and that's it. I can't hold any kind of conversation with anyone else because they'll just ramble on and on about random shit that happened thirty years ago. I used to play Fortnite and Warframe on my Switch Lite, but it broke after I dropped it and we don't have repair shops where I live. It would only hold charge from 45 minutes to an hour with half the games being broken anyway, so I don't even know if it's even worth saving at this point.
I can barely make use of group therapy (CBT) because of how cold I am and how much my stomach hurts. I try to sit outside when I'm not cold as there's nothing to really do around town anyway, but it's nothing more than cigarette butts and spit everywhere (along with rotten food that attracts flies). There's nothing the staff can really do to make the residents pick up after themselves and they can't ban smoking (even if other residents have health issues) because it's the only reason why anyone gets out of bed. The people where I live don't really believe in PTSD outside of veterans, let alone C-PTSD. The mere concept of it would go against everyone's idea that "family is everything, even if they do things we don't like". We barely have mental health services as it is so I'm basically screwed into staying where I'm at even though I live in fear of being punished. I'll see what I can do to get the medicine lady to up the hydroxozine a bit, but I don't know what else there is to even do beyond that point aside from huddling in bed and freezing 24/7 for the next decade until I'm approved for the waiver.

The latest update: uBPD mom has Parkinson's dementia (a form of Lewy body dementia). For a while she was living in a memory care home, but is now in limbo at a psychiatric unit in a local hospital because the disease has progressed quickly and in recent weeks she became aggressive and violent towards staff and other residents. Dad is working hard with her current providers as they try to rebalance her medication regimen and figure out where she'll be going after her current inpatient stay.
I visited her yesterday. She's sundowning constantly. She doesn't stop moving unless she's asleep. She was in a calm mood and I spent about an hour just walking around the ward with her, until she got so tired and dizzy that staff took her in hand and had her rest in a big comfy-looking lounger before dinnertime.
I don't know how they do it. Every provider I've encountered is on top of it, knows her care, knows her situation, and treats her with firm but gentle compassion. When I left one of the CNAs was gently stroking mom's hair and helping her calm down. I lost it on the way home, just seeing someone give her the kindness she needed so much (and didn't get) when she was a tiny little girl.
While mom is in the hospital I've started visiting their house to clear away her stuff. Dad has recognized that mom will probably never come home again, except perhaps for hospice care at the very end, and he wants to put the house on the market sometime in the next couple of years. So that means going through the place and sorting out 50+ years' worth of stuff to get rid of.
I hate it.
I hate every blinkered, stupid fucking minute of it. Not because I can't do it: if there's one thing I'm good at, it's organizing stuff and being absolutely brutal about what to keep or toss. No, I can do this, and I'm choosing to do it now so that my sibling and I don't have to deal with the massive mountains of crap after our parents die.
Sometime after mom's father died, she started up drinking and using pills again. She also developed a shopping addiction that just got worse and worse and worse. She bought furniture, jewelry, clothes, shoes, makeup, perfume, pictures and decor for the house. She got obsessed with collecting Toby jugs for a while. She bought dishes and crystal tchotchkes and hats and... she had something like two dozen umbrellas, for fuck's sake, because she'd buy one and then see another she liked better, so she'd buy that one. And it was the same for everything.
She's spent probably hundreds of thousands of dollars on endless materialistic bullshit, at first because she thought she had to earn her parents' love by emulating her Golden Child sibling, and later because the shot of dopamine she got from the thrill of hunting for and purchasing something just wasn't enough. So she did it more, and more, and more. In the end QVC was on the telly most of the time. She was like a dragon, like Smaug, gathering a mountain cavern full of gold and glitter unto herself just for the sake of having it.
And every single item I put my hands on is something she chose to spend money on instead of on her children.
Those two dozen umbrellas? That could've been lunch with us on the waterfront, just enjoying each others' company. That extensive collection of malachite jewelry? That was my sibling's college fund, at one point. All those shoes and clothes, that could've been day trips to a winery or joining a dance class with us or hell - all of it could've been her making saying "fuck it" and investing the cash and spending TIME with us instead.
Every single item in that house is something my mother chose over me.
I will NEVER forgive her for that.

Howdy folks, I ran my first ever full (but most certainly NOT my last) marathon yesterday and wanted to share my experience! I signed as kind of a spur of the moment impulse after running 18 miles for the first time last October. I’m SO glad I did, because it was an amazing and eye-opening experience. I never thought I would have the time, energy or stamina to do a full marathon, but a good friend of mine who has done several gave me good advice last year that really changed my perspective. Anyway, on to the report, and I’ll try to keep it brief!

Race Information

• Name: Cleveland Marathon
• Date: Sunday, May 19, 2024
• Distance: 26.2 miles
• Location: Cleveland, OH
• Website: https://www.clevelandmarathon.com
• Strava: https://www.strava.com/activities/11448481433
• Time: 3:48:20

Goals

Goal	Description	Completed?
A	Finish	*Yes*
B	Sub 4:00:00	*Yes*
C	Sub 3:45:00	*No*
D	No walking	*Yes*
E	Miles 20-26 faster than 10:00	*Yes*

Splits

Mile	Time
1	8:24
2	8:16
3	8:01
4	8:15
5	8:00
6	7:59
7	8:19
8	8:25
9	8:10
10	8:17
11	8:24
12	8:26
13	8:18
14	8:27
15	8:35
16	8:19
17	8:35
18	8:58
19	8:36
20	8:53
21	9:21
22	9:17
23	9:21
24	9:24
25	9:55
26	9:10
27	8:28

Training

For several months now I've been focusing on intervals and ever-increasing distances for my long runs. Regarding intervals, they were tough at first, especially since my first time doing it it was pouring rain and standing water in a lot of places I was running. But in spite of that, I enjoyed it. After doing them for a few weeks, I noticed I could run faster with less exertion, and generally recovered faster from my harder workouts. As far as distance running is concerned, I had previously ran 15-18 miles quite a few times, and generally felt very good during and after each of those runs. I have ran a half marathon at least once a month, each month, for over a year now, and always felt very comfortable doing it. Then, about a month prior to the race, I set out to attempt my first ever 20 mile run... and failed, (I posted about it here actually in one of the daily questions thread) only making it 13 miles. But to be honest, I knew the reasons why I didn’t have it in me that day, shrugged it off, and went out 3 days later and accomplished it. That cemented in my mind that I was likely “ready” and “able” to do the marathon.

Pre-race

Without going into details, through a small series of humorous events, I ended up signed up for 4 races in a row, each one on a separate weekend. Two half marathons, followed by a 5k, then the full marathon. I was a little worried that this would mess up my marathon, but fortunately there were two full weeks between my last half and the full, with only the 5k in between. So I just took it easy on the 5k and week following it, made sure to follow a healthy diet (for example no alcohol for basically two weeks prior, as well as higher carbs the days prior), and tried to get to bed earlier.
Fast forward to the morning of the race, and because of an issue with parking in downtown Cleveland (we had a spot reserved and paid for at a lot, which ended up being full, which really pissed me off), we were running out of time and my wife had to drop me off and go off on her own to find parking (she wasn’t running, but wanted to be at the starting line to watch me take off). Fortunately, she managed to find a spot within minutes and made it on time! After dropping off my bag at the gear check and finagling my way to a port-a-potty for a last minute number two, I got a little lost trying to find where I was supposed to enter the corrals at, but finally made it in with about 3 minutes to go til the race started. So I was a little nervous but very excited to be there.

Race

I started in corral B, and during the first 3 miles or so was getting passed by a fair amount of people. But every time I checked my watch I was pretty much on pace for where I wanted to be at that point in the race, and also sticking just behind the 3:40:00 pacers, so I just ignored it and kept plugging along. I’ve done enough half marathons and other races to know some folks come out of the gate a little too fast and burn out, and I would likely end up catching up to and passing them several miles later. Honestly, none of that really matters, as I’m not out there to compete against anybody but myself, but a constant stream of people passing you can have a psychological effect even if you don’t want it to.
The support along the route was phenomenal! It was the largest race I’ve been a part of, with the Columbus Half a close second. I imagined however, that after the halfway point, the support would significantly drop off, since the vast majority of the runners were doing the half marathon. While the support did drop off, there was a surprising amount of support on the “back half”, even though miles 14-26 took us quite a ways away from downtown, all the way out to Edgewater Park via several neighborhoods. But even in the neighborhoods, there were so many local residents sitting on their porches and balconies, cheering us on, and quite a few with their own little refreshment stations set up, handing out water, electrolytes, fruit, granola bars, even pickles. I’ve never been so happy to eat an orange in my life! Others had their sprinklers or hoses out to help us cool off as we ran by (which I took advantage of EVERY time haha).
Around mile 15, I ended up having to backtrack about 30 yards because my medical dog tag came off my neck; DOH! At mile 16 I was bummed to see a young guy convulsing on the ground, but fortunately the paramedics were there and no doubt taking good care of him. At mile 17, the rear-most 3:40:00 pacer caught me and ran with me for a bit before he mentioned he had to catch up to the group further up the road. I said no big deal and he moved on. At mile 19 or so, I saw a long hill that formed part of the final stretch and remembered that most of the elevation was in the last few miles, but I just shrugged and put it out of my mind. After mile 20, I definitely slowed my pace; in part because that was the farthest I had ever run before, in part because of the increased elevation changes, and in part because it’s mile 21 and that’s when you hit the wall, right? Well I never felt I “hit a wall”, I just felt like I was starting to get tired. But I had kept a steady routine of consuming a gel every 45 minutes or so, and grabbing a water and electrolytes at every station, so I was confident that I had the reserves to keep going without having to stop to walk. Then I hit mile 24, which was that hill I had seen earlier, and it was a bit of a struggle. It wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be, but I did notice my pace dropping below 10:00, so I refocused on my breathing, skipped to a motivating song (Rage Against the Machine: The Ghost of Tom Joad in case you’re wondering) and kept on trucking. I managed to finish that mile at 9:55, just under my goal of keeping miles 21-26 at under 10:00... PHEW! At mile 25, the next pacer (3:50:00) caught up to me and another guy going across a large bridge. We got to chatting, asking him about his experience as a pacer, and sharing our story, and it turns out the other guy was doing his first marathon as well. That little chit chat gave me a boost to hit it hard on the last half mile.
At the end of the bridge was a huge group of people cheering everybody on, and the music was so great I paused mine and just soaked in the experience. At the last turn, I could see the finish line, about a quarter of a mile away. I have this thing where I always want to sprint the last stretch before the finish line, but wasn’t sure if I would be able to for a marathon. But I felt pretty good, so I went for it and ended up hitting a 4:49 pace! That surprised me, because while I’ve hit sub 5:00 pace quite a few times doing intervals, and can maintain that speed over a 400m distance, I didn’t think I would be able to do it after running 26 miles. So it felt great to know I still had “gas in the tank”. I crossed the finish line, heard my name and shouted “that’s me!!!”, after which I immediately looked for the banana haha.

Post-race

After crossing the finish line, I did feel somewhat disoriented and clumsy. So I sipped on some water and chocolate milk, found my wife (or rather, she found me), unlaced my shoes and then waddled over to one of the grassy areas and laid flat on my. I took advantage of the free beer and massage tables, took some pictures, took in the atmosphere, headed to the car and then home. I spent most of the rest of the day on the couch haha.
To be honest, I felt great after the race, and even the rest of the day. I didn’t have any discomfort or pain, and my right ankle which has a tendency to get really tight after a race felt completely normal. I chalk it up to good preparation, the shoes I used that day (actually used my “recovery run” shoes instead of my race shoes), making sure they weren’t laced too tight, making sure not to overdo it with my pacing, and immediately unlacing my shoes afterwards.
I spent most of the rest of my day reflecting on what I love about races: the camaraderie. The sense of unity amongst thousands of people from all walks of life, who might not have much in common, but at least share an interest if not a love for running. To me, both the participants and the people who support them, be them event volunteers or local residents, give me a glimpse into what people are capable of. Races bring out the good in us, the sense of belonging and acceptance, and is a humbling and encouraging experience. This was my first full marathon, but it won’t be my last!
Also... sorry... I tried to keep it brief... and failed haha.
Made with a new race report generator created by u/herumph.

Has anyone gotten their ingrown toenail taken out out here in Bangkok? If yes, where did you do it and how much was it? Did they use chemical to prevent it growing back? Would you recommend that place?
I've been looking around online and wanted to gather more information. My friend got 2 taken out in a surgery done at Sukhumvit Hospital, which costed him around 14k baht, so I went there since he seemed to have an alright experience. The place seemed okay, everyone spoke pretty good English, service was relatively quick, easy to meet the doctor fast, and the doctor was nice and easy to speak with. However, the lady that took my blood pressure seemed annoyed or pushy and had me move around and take off my shoes to show her the ingrown toenail while I was still taking my blood pressure, which I thought you're supposed to keep still until the machine was finished taking the blood pressure. She said my blood pressure was a little high, but yeah I was moving around, I thought it was kind of unprofessional of her.
Then I spoke with the doctor and he said there's a chance I might have this procedure done many more times because it could grow back. I had an ingrown toenail taken out in America before and the second time they put some chemical on it to prevent it growing back in the same place, but the doctor said they don't do that or they won't. My friend that his done at this hospital, his has grown back after about two years and he might have to get the procedure done again. The doctor also said it would cost me around 8k-10k baht for the procedure.
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I'm kind of skeptical of if I should have the procedure done at this hospital; thus, I'm still looking around and considering my options. Not so much concerned about price, but more about quality of the service and if they do something to prevent it growing back. If you guys have any experience you could share or a place that you recommend, especially one that uses chemical to prevent it growing back, I would highly appreciate it, thank you so much in advance!