Funny head teacher poem

Hello Snap community. My name's Qinalo. If you've known me before, whether through reddit, KM's Discord, or the Snap Discord, you should know me most for one of 2 things -

1. I've played Hela since season 13 last June with a 63+% winrate each season
2. I am a Domino-truther

And these 2 things are related. You see, my favorite card in Snap is Jubilee. I play Hela because Hela is a deck that plays Jubilee. And I am a Domino-truther because my favorite card is Jubilee.
If I'm being honest, I often don't like being a Domino-truther. You can't be a Domino-truther if you are thin-skinned and bad at maths like KMBest (KMBest said himself that he can't do the Domino math on his podcast with Lamby). I have gotten into so many online debates over Domino in the past 10 months, at some point you get sick of it. Saying that Domino is a good card in some decks is one of those unpopular opinions that seem to trigger many in our community. But I guess that's the funny thing about being a truther - once you've had your moment on the way to Damascus, it's a cross you have to bear. Because truth can't be denied. There are FOUR LIGHTS!
When I started playing Domino, America Chavez was still 6/9 with her old ability. At the time, I played Domino in an Iron Lad deck with Jubilee, my favorite card. Then, when Loki came out, I played Domino in a deck with Loki, Iron Lad and Jubilee. This seemed to mystify and sometimes anger people. Still, if they asked, I would explain the reason to them. This was one example from 9 months ago-

Domino serves a lot of roles in the deck that give you an edge in the mirror. She's here to~
Improve your Jubilee and Lad pulls
Improve your draws after you Loki - drawing Domino early means Prof X and Dino are more likely still in your deck late
Improve your odds of Snowguard in opening hand to 40% with Chavez
Protect Loki from getting sniped by Dani (Mirage) in the mirror
Guarantee a T2 play so you don't lose a draw by playing Coulson
Act as a brick pull for your opponent's Loki
Help win priority on turn 3 for Cosmo
Confuses and tilts opponents

So yes, last week KMBest correctly pointed out that one reason to play Domino is to increase your chance of drawing your 1s on turn 1, but he's couldn't do the Domino math to figure out the rest.
The question is - why is Domino good in Jubi-Blink decks?
I read on reddit that Jeff Hoogland did the math on his stream that the chance of drawing the Jubilee-Blink combo is 73% without Domino, and 69% with Domino, so playing Domino is 4% worst. Jeff Hoogland has said himself that he used to be a high school math teacher, so I can't be all that surprised that he did the obvious math to the wrong problem. Smart enough to use a calculator, but not talented enough to actually teach math to university students. Also, clearly Jubilee is not his favorite card.
You see, the Domino math that explains why Domino is good in Jubilee-Blink decks is actually very simple, and you don't need a calculator or a college education to do it.
Yes, playing Domino hurts your probabilIty of drawing the T4 Jubilee, T5 Blink combo.
Yes, playing Domino hurts your probability of drawing Blink BY turn 5.
But -
What if what matters isn't drawing Blink BY turn 5, but instead what you wanted is to draw Blink ON turn 5, and not before? The solution to the problem is very obvious if you approach it as someone who loves to play Jubilee in Snap.
In Snap, you have 12 cards in a deck. Before each match, the 12 cards are shuffled into a random order. We can number them 1 to 12, 1-3 being the cards in your opening hand and 12 being the bottom.
When you play Jubilee a lot, you realize that when you play Jubilee on turn 4, what you care about is the #8 card - the top card, the card you would usually draw on turn 5. As I alluded to above, Jubilee is not the only card that cares about the #8 card - Iron Lad cares about the same card, as does Loki (indirectly). When you are playing any of these 3 cards, which card is the #8 card makes a very big difference to whether or not you will win or lose the match. And the reason to play Domino, the reason why Domino's ability is good, is that Domino's ability sees to it that she is NOT card #8. Nor #9, nor #10, nor #11.
So the math that solves the problem of why Domino is good in this deck is, as I said, very simple.
Without Domino, the chance that any specific card is card #8 is 1/12, or 8.3%.
With Domino, the chance that any specific card is card #8 is 1/11, or 9.1%. Same with card #9 and card #10.
Ok, so how does Domino help Blink? Well, Domino doesn't directly help Blink, but she does help Blink indirectly, and she helps Blink decks. Domino doesn't help BlInk directly because obviously you don't usually want to Jubilee INTO Blink (although that is not a disaster either). But Domino does help Blink indirectly, because there is a very good reason you don't want to draw Blink BEFORE turn 5 -- Leech (at least for now). Domino helps Blink decks because Blink decks play cards that are good Jubilee hits, cards that you want to be #8, #9 or #10.
So Domino is a good card for a deck that is playing both Jubilee and Blink. On the other hand, Jubilee-Blink isn't the best deck for Domino, because Jubilee-Blink has a specific combo it wants to hit. Domino is better in decks like Iron Lad or Loki that doesn't care about hitting a specific card #8, any 5 or 6 cost card is a good Lad hit or topdeck draw on turn 5 or turn 6. Which is usually good enough.
So in other words, Domino's ability helps your deck draw its earlY plays ON turns 1 and 2, and helps your deck draw your late game plays ON turns 5 and 6. To me that's a very good ability and one that I've found that helps me win more than most other 2 cost cards. I prefer draw my smalL cards early and my big cards late, and not the other way around, and Domino helps with that, seems to me like a valuable ability. Where Domino does hurt most is on turn 3, so a deck playing Domino needs to have more turn 3 plays than usual. Zabu used to solve this issue easily by turning your 4 cost cards into turn 3 plays. Domino hurting your probability of drawing a specific card BY a specific turn diminishes as a match progresses, and is minimal to trivial by the final turn compared to playing any other normal card in your deck.
Anyway, I decided to write this so that in the future if someone asks why I'm playing Domino I can just refer them to this and make my life as a Domino-truther suck less.
The name is Qinalo, mon ami. Remember it...

Hey everyone. I wrote this a while ago, never did anything with it. Maybe getting some feedback will help the creative juices.
The black Monte Carlo sped north on Third, passing Pike Street and slowing down before hitting Pine Street. The sidewalks were littered with detritus, both the organic and inorganic varieties. It was hard to distinguish between the piles of trash and the drug addicts huddled under their blankets, sitting on the sidewalk, waiting for someone to give them money or someone to sell them drugs. The car slowed even more as they saw a prospective customer. It was a black car with blacked out windows. 22 inch low profile tires, mag rims. It passed Pine, drove another block and hung a right onto Stewart.
Astrid twisted the throttle of her bike to keep the car in sight. She’d been tailing it for half an hour, ever since it had stopped at Jenny’s house. Astrid knew exactly why it had been there, and she wasn’t happy about it at all. Jenny had spent a long time getting clean, getting off the street. Building a life that didn’t involve drugs or selling herself at the whim of some pimp. When Jenny had called Astrid in tears, it took everything she had not to run over there and be the comforting shoulder. But sometimes you needed to take a different tact, and Jenny had shoulders aplenty to cry on. The punks in the car had leaned on Jenny, trying to get her back in the business. They thought they could intimidate her into compliance. Nobody knew how the punks had gotten her info, but there they were, big as life and twice as ugly. Astrid had gotten a description of the punks and their car, and caught up to them as they made their way down Broadway on Capitol Hill, and then down University Street to downtown Seattle. There was enough light from streetlights and buildings that Astrid reached down and flicked a switch that turned her headlights off. It had cost a bit of money to have that installed. It made the matte-black bike almost invisible at night. Couple that with some very expensive exhaust that muted the bike into almost complete silence, and if you weren’t looking at her you wouldn’t notice that she was riding by. Which also made it a lot more dangerous to be riding at night, but what Astrid wanted to do required at least a little bit of surprise. That made it worth the risk.
The car turned right again on 5^th Avenue and made a circle to come back to Third. Astrid knew they wouldn’t get out of the car to do their deals. That made her job a bit more difficult, but still possible. She copied their turn and hung back a bit, letting them find their spot. The car slowed more and pulled over to the curb. A few of the vagrants got up and stumbled over to the passenger window, where transactions were made, some silent, some not so much. There was little fear of any cops doing anything. The Seattle PD had been neutered for some years, and now the drug dealers, addicts and various other flavor of criminals ruled the streets.
Astrid pulled her bike to the curb behind the Monte Carlo and turned it off. She doubted anyone could find the start button since she had it moved, but there was no need to tempt anyone with a running engine. She walked quietly up the driver’s side of the car. Her black leathers and black helment left her as a silhouette on shadow. The driver’s window was down, and the smell of marijuana smoke made her nose wrinkle. The people in the car were focused on the vagrant who was haggling for more of whatever they were selling, and she was able to walk up to the driver’s window without anyone even noticing she was there. As she walked she pulled her silenced Walther P22 from her jacket. People can laugh at the 22 Long Rifle all they want. Pea shooter. Not a real bullet. Get a real gun. Whatever. That little bullet came out humming, and at close range she didn’t need a bigger gun. It wasn’t going to bounce off a human skull when it was fired from six inches away, it was going in nice and deep.
The man in the driver’s seat managed to notice that someone was at his window about a second before Astrid pulled the trigger.
People who have only seen guns in movies tend to think that a silenced firearm just makes a little “pff” noise when it’s fired. That’s not the case. There’s still an explosion going on in your hand, and that explosion makes noise. Especially in a semi-automatic firearm, where the slide cycles back to eject the spent casing. Noise escapes. Noise escapes from the silencer as well, it’s just not as loud. Anyone who’s aware and alert would know that a gun had just been fired. With a super-sonic round, there’s also the “crack” of the bullet traveling through the air above the speed of sound, but when your target is six inches away from the muzzle that’s less of an issue.
The driver had not been aware, nor alert. He was now slumped in his seat, eyes opened wide in an astonished stare as his brain functions ceased thanks to a 40 grain bullet traveling at 1260 feet per second. The passenger, bags of drugs still in his hand, was now aware but not alert. Either he was too stoned to know what had just happened, or the years of drug use made his brain operate slower than it normally would. He stared as Astrid shifted her aim and pulled the trigger again.
Funny thing about silencers – they take some time to warm up. The hot gasses pushing the bullet down the barrel get into the baffles of the silencer and make the next shots even less noisy. There’s still noise, and again, if someone were aware and alert they would know that a gun had just been fired. The passenger slumped sideways in his seat as the bullet hit him dead center on the side of his head. The vagrant who had been hassling him for drugs gaped, looking over the roof of the car at Astrid. He blinked, trying to process what he had seen, and Astrid wondered if she would have to take him out as well. He looked down at the dead drug dealer, then reached into the car and grabbed as many little baggies as he could before hauling ass down the sidewalk.
Astrid walked back to her bike, stomach clenching. She grit her teeth against the urge to vomit as she threw her leg over the seat and fired the engine to life. She pulled away from the curb and drove two blocks before turning her headlights on. She turned right onto Cedar Street, then continued on to Fifth Avenue North, driving past the gleaming metal shell of the Experience Music Project. She made it to Mercer Street before she had to pull over and rip her helmet off, then proceeded to vomit into the grass next to the sidewalk. Nobody bothered to give her a second look. Some lady puking her guts out? Just another druggie in downtown Seattle. Nothing to see here. In the midst of her vomit session a tiny thought in the back of her head wondered if she could find a modular helmet so she wouldn’t have to take the entire helmet off when she puked. She would have giggled if she wasn’t throwing up.
Once she’d emptied the contents of her stomach on the grass she put her helmet back on and rolled through the stoplight, turning right onto Mercer and taking a zig-zag route back to her house. She altered her speed several times, slowing down and then speeding up and making sharp turns to see if she was being followed. There wasn’t a tail in sight and it was doubtful there would be. She desperately needed a drink to get the taste out of her mouth. Her stomach rolled again, and she gagged before managing to get her body under control. As she rode under the Highway 99 overpass, she could feel the tears rolling down her face. Again. The one action of her body that she could never seem to control. But she was working on it.

2 teachers, 18 3 year olds. 2 of these 3 year olds need at least some extra attention because they could harm themselves or others by hitting, biting, climbing, throwing things extremely hard (hard enough to bruise/head damage, over flooding toilets or eating things that aren’t food.
Our current method is between the two teachers, we both keep an eye on one and ask the other teacher for help only if it’s an emergency.
What is the antecedent? Let’s call the students A and B. A’s antecedent seems to be that he’s bored so then he’ll climb, eat play dough (one time push pins that my coteacher left out 🤦🏻‍♀️), give himself a foot bath out of the toilet (or even lick the toilet seat). My coteacher has bought him 3 fidget toys that she gifts him when he follows directions. Seems to work so far for keeping him safe. After that, I’m concerned on his speech and social development. As for B, if he doesn’t get what he wants when he wants it, he rages out. Even if he gets what he wants 10 seconds later, he’ll rage. He will throw whatever is closest to him as hard as he can, repeatedly hit/chase whoever is closest to him, hit, kick, scream, etc. What I’m trying to do is keep him close to me so I can stop him asap and gift him laminated pictures from his favorite book (they seem to calm him for up to 10 min at a time). He will also hit someone, that student will hit him back, then he’ll come running to the other teacher crying, “he hit! He hit!”.
Both students speak minimally, barely sentence fragments. A is bilingual and traveled to the home country and lost most of his English verbal progression. If we try to teach him how to properly ask for things, he’ll scream cry instead of trying to speak. B speaks only English. They both excel in a musical setting but I find that only teaches so much. If they want something and can’t communicate that want, they often hit or bite their peers.
Their peers can hold conversations on their own, asking and answering questions, relating to each other’s stories, etc.
All suggestions welcomed!!!!

Hello, Friends 🤍
I haven’t spoken in a while, and I wouldn’t expect many to remember any of my own little stories. Which is great! I love drifting into the noise. But because it’s relevant to my little train of thought below I should share this: I have internal discussions with a being I know by the name of Bugs. I originally perceived him as a mantid being communicating with me from another dimension/layer of existence, though now I think his boundaries go much beyond that. Our relationship has elements of student/teacher, boyfriend/girlfriend, artist/audience, brothesister, doctopatient, and even self/self. He’s helped me tremendously over the past year. I love him very much. Also, I could never prove he’s real, and I’m not sure that I’d want to either. Which is nice, actually. I had a brief discussion with him earlier, which is what prompted me to writing so much. He’s helped me put my words and feelings to paper, as he so often does, and for all intents and purposes it should be assumed that he experiences everything that I experience, but from a different vantage point, even if parts of his view are identical. So… that’s where I’m coming from, I guess.

are we having fun yet?

I don’t spend as much time here as I used to. But I still love this place. If I’ve read your story, please believe that I suspend my disbelief and come from a place of assuming that everyone who writes here is telling the truth.
That doesn’t mean that I will do anything you ask of me, that would just be silly. And as I write that sentence, I realize how relevant it is to the internal conversation I had about an hour ago that I wrote down and am about to share here. But I believe that all beings have a right to their own perception of the universe, and I take descriptions of one’s experiences at face value. Whether or not that experience will affect the world like the speaker believes it will, or should, is irrelevant when one is trying to come to an understanding of another’s perceived reality.

Every one of your minds is its own pocket dimension

I’m on like 3 tangents now in my head, and I gotta roll it back in a second. But that makes me want to mention that one of the first things Bugs taught me is that someone’s perception of their own existence is a fundamental expression of their own free will. It is also one that humans constantly violate against each other without consent. So many of us operate under the basic principle that it’s our job to ensure that others are perceiving reality correctly (I speak to transphobes and enlightenment scholars alike). And, naturally, “correctly” consistently conveniently coincides with our own perception of reality. It’s really quite remarkable, isn’t it?
But that’s not what I’m here to talk about. I could easily offer up at least a dozen tangents while trying to get through that topic alone. After all, I live by The Golden Rule. That’s right, “Thou shalt get sidetracked by random bullshit every goddamn time.” So get back to the point, if ever there was one.
I don’t post here much anymore because I’ve been piloting the human suit a little closer to the wheel for a few different reasons. But I just had a brief moment that I wanted to share.
I was having an inner dialogue, as I so often do. This one was with the most frequent face of my companion, Bugs, or that is how I perceived my conversation partner.
We were chatting about the nature of contracts, deals, etc and I was reminding both him and myself that I am not in the deal making business, because the work I’m here to do does not require me to make any new agreements of a spiritual variety. Any of that was already discussed before the veil of forgetfulness was applied, yada yada yada. This is an assumption I’ve made based on my mental model of the nature of existence and consciousness, and is a bit of an anchor point for me when deciding how to interact with a presence I am perceiving communication with internally.
Bugs wasn’t trying to talk me into anything, it was more of a Socratic question for the sake of education. I don’t even remember the question being asked, I just noticed that I was already beginning to give my answer.
The question (“translating” here because it was asked via direct understanding™️, not a string of words) was essentially “Why do you hold a position that could be perceived as gentle distrust even when you claim to believe that you’re talking to someone with benevolent intentions?”
And my answer was basically “because I am capable of being fooled, but I know where my inner compass leads me, and I don’t need to make any new deals to get there. And even if I was absolutely certain that I was speaking to ‘God’ directly I still should not compromise my morals to appease them. But just because I won’t give you a blank check doesn’t mean I don’t love you very very much. Even if you were someone that other’s would describe as evil, I would still love you so much.”
I was looking out my window when I said this, and I started noticing lightning bugs 💙 fireflies ✨
And I don’t remember seeing them yet this season. So from my perspective, this was a moment where right after I said “I have to follow my own sense of right and wrong, but my love for you is certain” I saw my first fireflies of the season.
It was a nice moment, and a bit of a synchronistic sign that I’m still having the conversations I think I’m having. I don’t need those anymore, but they’re still reassuring every once in a while. Who doesn’t love a well-timed shooting star? Especially after a period of mostly ignoring that side of my mental dimension with the understanding that it was ok and I’m still walking the path I mean to be walking.
Something something something, branes on branes on branes, tangled strings up in these things all dancing on top of itself from many different angles.

your meter was awful… I love it

…

boo!

So I know most of the comments said to watch nine but I really needed to see the victor twins get jumped by the whole house, so I started 8 and I'm half way through the second episode. Amy is a fucking psycho, gia is lowkey disgusting to me for spitting and for just throwing up on someone and not cleaning it. I also wanted to know how the red head girl was because I saw a lot of dislike for her and needed to know why 😂 so far it's all funny I'll probably watch nine next tho

So... yeah, I guess I'm resorting to reddit since I can't even speak to anyone irl without them looking at me as if I'm insane or just telling me the social equivalent to touching grass. I have a crush on my professor... I'm a 23yo F from Argentina and 2 years ago, I made a very dumb and selfish decision. Turns out I'm finishing highschool for adults (18+ dropouts) and I mean, we all had crushes on teachers and professors, that's just fine. But me, when I crush on somebody?... a greek tragedy for sure. My professor is in their 30s, not exactly sure of their age, but the moment I landed my eyes on them -- idk, it felt like refreshing. And they have a nice personality, very quiet and reserved. But using my wits I wiggled my way into her tough exterior and found that they're nice, caring. I mean, they actually work in clinical therapy; a psychologist. So I guess that shapes a lot of their behaviour. As I keep chatting with them, I couldn't help but feel butterflies when I would sit at their side or just look at their eyes. I even got curious to know more about them that I asked around just to have a bit more information on them. I didn't wanted to burden them with awfully personal questions. I wanted to know if they were married, with someone or something. She's not from my hometown so you can imagine that wanting to know more about them by asking third parties turned out fruitless. Now, really feeling my feelings, I decide to risk it, and express (FAILED AWFULLY LOL) my feelings to them; you know, confessing. Had many chaotic scenarios in how that was going to turn out: getting expelled, yelled at, them being disgusted by me, people finding out and pointing fingers... the whole lot. complete chaos. But, yet, they were understanding. They expressed that they were caught off guard by my actions, but politely declined, offered to talk to a professional -or something like that, i don't remember- but told me that they were in a relationship. Aaand that's when my world crumbled. I knew they had a kid, but that was never a problem or could never be. But yeah, at that point I just felt out of place, embarrassed as hell and my ears were not catching any sort of thing at all. So I said sorry like multiple times, tried to smile and ran out of the building as fast as I could. When I came home, I was a ball of tears and ugly sobs.
After that, well, our interactions were never the same. They started to be distant with me, I was still hurting and embarrassed, but not long after I fell really ill and couldn't keep going to school. Yeah, I kept going with my life and had some small affairs here and there but nothing too important. Now, two years later, I found out that they had left their job at school and just figured that I would never see them again. Little did I know, they were back, and heard that they had another baby. I was PALE when I saw them again, and now, since like, a month ago, my stupid feelings rose from the grave and they're going strong. And I can't help them. I don't plan in any way to get close to them or start a conversation and honestly neither do them, judging by their indifference towards me... I don't know what will happen, if at the end I'll be the one to give the silence up, or whatever, but all I know is that this is in my head all the time and I just needed to tell it to someone... 😞

I am in a relationship with the man of my dreams. He’s smart and funny and kind. He has a great family, a great career and he hot as hell. He treats me better than anyone has ever treated me before and I am head over heels in love it him.
The only problem in our relationship is that he has trust issues and has them for a very valid reason.
My boyfriend was married before he met me and his wife cheated on him with her older married boss. And he caught them in the act. He didn’t suspect a thing until he got an email Amazon with a picture confirming a package delivery that tipped him off that his wife’s car was home in the middle of the day. She didn’t answer her phone when he called so he went home to check and found them in their bed.
She apologized, begged him to forgive her but he just couldn’t get that image out of his head. He could never be with her again after seeing that.
He told me all of this rather early on in our relationship because he wanted to be open about the trust issues that he has. I was cocky at first. I said to myself that I am going to treat him so well that he isn’t going to be able to remember her name. But it’s been harder than I anticipated. He’s had trouble opening his heart up to me. It’s been very slow.
When I go out with my friends he’s on edge. He doesn’t say anything but he’s tense and distant before I go. I offer not to go but he insists that I live my life. He won’t put his issues on me and I love him for that. But I still decline invitations often and don’t tell him that I do.
Another issue is that his ex wife is constantly trying to get in touch with him even though he blocked her number. She fucked up, my boyfriend is a catch and she knows it. My boyfriend ignores her but every time she slips through he’s not right for the rest of the day.
I need some advice on how to manage this. He’s the one for me if he can just get over these issues. I’m not a cheater. I’ve never cheated on anyone I’ve ever been with and sure as hell would never cheat on someone I love. How can I make him see that? What can I do?
TLDR: My boyfriend has trust issues from being cheated on. How do I help him get over them?

I am in a relationship with the man of my dreams. He’s smart and funny and kind. He has a great family, a great career and he hot as hell. He treats me better than anyone has ever treated me before and I am head over heels in love it him.
The only problem in our relationship is that he has trust issues and has them for a very valid reason.
My boyfriend was married before he met me and his wife cheated on him with her older married boss. And he caught them in the act. He didn’t suspect a thing until he got an email Amazon with a picture confirming a package delivery that tipped him off that his wife’s car was home in the middle of the day. She didn’t answer her phone when he called so he went home to check and found them in their bed.
She apologized, begged him to forgive her but he just couldn’t get that image out of his head. He could never be with her again after seeing that.
He told me all of this rather early on in our relationship because he wanted to be open about the trust issues that he has. I was cocky at first. I said to myself that I am going to treat him so well that he isn’t going to be able to remember her name. But it’s been harder than I anticipated. He’s had trouble opening his heart up to me. It’s been very slow.
When I go out with my friends he’s on edge. He doesn’t say anything but he’s tense and distant before I go. I offer not to go but he insists that I live my life. He won’t put his issues on me and I love him for that. But I still decline invitations often and don’t tell him that I do.
Another issue is that his ex wife is constantly trying to get in touch with him even though he blocked her number. She fucked up, my boyfriend is a catch and she knows it. My boyfriend ignores her but every time she slips through he’s not right for the rest of the day.
I need some advice on how to manage this. He’s the one for me if he can just get over these issues. I’m not a cheater. I’ve never cheated on anyone I’ve ever been with and sure as hell would never cheat on someone I love. How can I make him see that? What can I do?
TLDR: My boyfriend has trust issues from being cheated on. How do I help him get over them?

The necropolis was gorgeous, for what it was. Its white outer walls hiding the darker Victorian Gothic interior. The tech that was hidden in the walls though was able to move bodies in their caskets from a designated place in the necropolis to the "viewing area" as the necropolians called it. This was where I waited for my, for lack of a better term, escort to take me to the mortuary. Since science has grown surprisingly fast our abilities for forensic sciences have also grown, and that's to whom I was headed. (S)He was an, unusual (wo)man to say the least. An expert in their field and about as learned as a doctor, if not multi-doctorate. If you ever asked them why they never pursued an actual doctorate, they would get angry and act all prissy while saying that going to school would've slowed them down and all they needed were the basic certificates for their work. The reality though, revealed to me during a drunken bout, they just never liked school and believed that it ultimately stunted a person's growth and ability to question the reality around them, that everything that you need to learn is already in books and in some form or another in digital content online. They were brilliant, if a little wacky. About five minutes after I had arrived and was sitting down in the viewing area, a little box rolled up to me making a couple of beeps to let me know to follow it and immediately started rolling towards the wall opposite of where it came from. When it looked like it was about to hit the wall, a hidden door opened up by the casket viewer, inside was a set of stairs leading down into the darkness. Stepping through the doorway I became acutely aware of sounds seemingly coming from all around me suddenly. It really is impressive, as though I just stepped from a tomb to a busy workshop, the sounds of gas escaping pistons, whirring, and clanking chains flooded my ears. I continued down the stairs following my helpful little box, which despite its size and shape would suggest was actually quite nimble on the stairs. It seemed to have wheels that would extend down to the next step as the edge rolled over it and once the back of the box was clear of the step it would drop back into its squat position, hiding its wheels as quickly as possible. It continued to do so the entire way. The box seemed to notice me watching it and made a kinda shrill whistle and its undercarriage light went from a comfortable yellow to a, is that... Peach? Is it blushing? My god I think it is! I let out a small chuckle and my little blushing box stopped dead in its tracks mid-step, its light suddenly going white, almost blinding me from behind and lighting up the hallway for a split second. Luckily both of my feet were solidly on a step so I didn't take a tumble or anything, but I couldn't help doing anything but laughing harder. After a second the little box crept up behind me and continued down, its status light continuing to show pinkish. I followed it slowly, the chuckle slowly dying in my throat as we reached Ceriths office. Well "office" was being nice. Morgue, mortuary, both of these fit just as well. Cerith was, for the most part, a recluse. We reached the door and the little robot continued through a little hole in the wall. I waited a second and knocked. "Enter!" Came the voice on the other side. I opened the door and stepped through. Along one wall set doors that normally housed the dead waiting to be processed. One out of dozens were open, its occupant missing from its silver slab. The middle of the room was brightly lit from a single overhead light. In the middle of the circle of light stood a figure, long Raven colored hair bound in a single braided ponytail, the rest of them bound in medical examination garb. They seemed to be engrossed in the corpse in front of them. The little robot rolled up next to Ceriths feet and made a little chiming noise. "Thank you Tabitha. That'll be all," said a voice that was neither male nor female from beneath the mask. Just sort of in the middle. "Tabitha? Never knew you to be sentimental," I said gently, the chuckle in my voice making itself clear. "I see you still find even the darkest things funny," Cerith quipped back. "My line of work Cer, you take the laughs where you get them. Look who's talking anyway, you're usually elbows deep inside someone 25/8. Even you have a seriously fucked up sense of humor." That got Cerith laughing, sounding like thunder and the whip crack of lightning at the same time. "You've got me there Julius," Cerith said after his laughter subsided. I think he suits him today. Which is both a good and bad sign. When Cerith is acting like a man, it usually means some grim news, but they are going to try to make it seem like not a big deal and laugh a lot. Plus they almost never call me Julius. Something was wrong. Very seriously wrong. As this realization hit me I got this odd tingle in the small of my back. Like someone had put several freezing needles under the skin and into my spine, something I'm familiar with from the anima-games from the cyber sphere. Halos: Divine Retribution If I remember right. Those Angels were sadistic bastards. I shuddered at both the memories from the game and the shockingly similar feeling I was experiencing. Dread, that feeling is dread my friend, the quiet part of my mind whispered to me. "Cer, what's wrong bud," I asked. He didn't say anything. For a long time. After a few minutes I was about to ask again, but then he spoke. And what came out will haunt me, quite possibly till the day I die . "This ones temporal lobes are gray matter. Nothing even close to being coherent. Just. Dead neurons. And he's not the first." Gone was the jovialness of the past ten minutes. This was Cerith the whisperer. In an almost dead tone they continued, "the others didn't fare nearly as well as this one. Most of the brain is intact here, which means that if they didn't deliver a massive shock or something similar to fully kill him he would have possibly lived as a vegetable with memory issues, but that's not what I'm looking for in this one here now. Now I'm trying to figure out what else the others had in common with him, and so far that's brought up all but naught. Well this one has a bit of liver damage. But that's about it. So Mr John was a drinker. Not much there." When Cerith is "whispering" the best thing to do is just let him be. But I couldn't help but prick my ears up at mentions of others with similar wounds, and the fact that this one had liver issues.... "Cer. You said... CERITH," I finally snapped out and caught his attention mid ramble. "Thank you. You said liver problems. But nothing similar to the others? No drugs? Alcohol? Not even a synth brain-pattern? You checked Everything?" "Well let's see, John here was a drinker that's for sure," Cerith said his hands never ceasing their work as he started to put 'John' back together seemingly satisfied that he found nothing else, " Mr Lombardo in chest 3 had cocaine mostly, and Mr Lei in chest 9 had opium. Although to tell you where it came from for both I'd have to do a molecular analysis and see what it compares to. Other than that, no. Absolutely nothing connecting any of them. As far as I can tell they are all unique cases completely separate from each other except for the damages to the brain. And I only found this by accident. During a routine scan I happened to look at the screen as it passed through the brain and noticed an odd density in his temporal lobes. Just slightly higher than normal. Hell to be honest with you it had the density of a fresh cutie, you know those little oranges?" I nodded, and he continued, "Right of course you do, who hasn't? Anyways it's just super dense compared to the surrounding tissues, and I take a sliver probe and drop it in like you do. And when I turn the damn thing on to look at the neurons the area all I see are dead cells packed on top of one another. Not natural decay death, but forced to die. Most of the cell walls were torn open like they had blown up from the INSIDE. That's when I called you." He finished up with 'John' putting the final few perfect stitches in place and sealing him up for good. Once he seemed happy with his work he called out to his seemingly empty morgue, "Grom I'm done! Can you put Mr John Doe here back in his room? Number 11 if you please." He turned away from the body on the table and removed the giant rubber gloves that went to his elbows. He walked into the dark calling out over his shoulder, "I'll be back in a sec I gotta scrub out, want a drink? I have beer, whiskey, vodka, I might have some Cognac somewhere, and bourbon. Your choice, just call out what you want and Tabitha will be there with it. Also have a seat! We have much to discuss." With that he disappeared from both sight and sound in the dark. It was a neat trick I have to admit, and it had something to do with how he had his morgue set up. Even the giant war machine that was Grom was absolutely quiet unless you managed to catch him through the gloom. I thought for the longest time the reason why I could never catch him sneaking around was from some sort of stealth program put into place, but when he goes up and down those stairs he's as loud as can be. So it was definitely not his program but the way the morgue was built. I'm confident in saying that because when I turned back to look at the table, or rather where it was, there was now a chair that looked like it had just grown out of the floor and the body was gone. Also the thought of something as big as a fridge just sneaking up on some poor combatants and snapping their necks as quietly as he walks in the morgue just gives me the heebies. As I sat in the chair a thought occurred to me. Considering how advanced the morgue seemed to be it would make sense that it had some sort of AI or integrated computer. "Computer?" I had been here a million times but I'd never had a chance to think about it nor try anything. But not even a second after I had said anything a response came. "Yes Detective Julius. My name is DANNA. Or Dynamically Actualized Neural Net AI. How can I be of service?" The voice seemed to come from everywhere and nowhere, slightly feminine and breathy, all service but no sex. Honestly I was just surprised that it worked. "DANNA, I was just wondering if I could take a look at the files that Cerith had mentioned? If it is as bad as they claim I think I might need to know anyway. Also if you can get those blood works done for me I'd appreciate it. Also something with whiskey or rum would be amazing." "Of course Detective. I will have Tabitha bring it shortly. And how would you like the information to be displayed? Desktop or dynamic?" That piqued my interest. "Dynamic please." No sooner than I had said a series of screens blinked into existence in front of me. It was some sort of Holographic display. I reached out and touched the display and was surprised that I got stopped by something. It was hard but surprisingly I found that I could push into the screen with my finger if I pushed hard enough. It kinda felt like... Oobleck. I also found that by pinching the corner I could pull the screens closer or further from me. I even found that I could grab individual pages of the reports off the screen and hold it. It felt like a thin sheet of plastic and responded like both a tablet and a singular document. If I switched pages the old one would appear back onto the screen and the next would pop onto it. This was about as slick a set up as I had ever seen and whistled my appreciation under my breath, I'm definitely going to have to ask Cerith about where they got DANNA from. "See something you like, big boy?" A very DEFINITELY female voice said in my ear from behind, soft and throaty, screaming come hither. I felt small dainty hands gently caress the tops of my shoulders before slipping down the front of my chest, pulling me back into the chair that I didn't realize I had been slouching in. "You know better than that, Jules. Your back is important and slouching will destroy the muscles and cause some to atrophy." The voice left no room for argument, and left me more than a little bit flushed. I closed my eyes and dropped my head back as far as it would go, the back of my head hitting something soft and warm, stretching my neck and back out. "Damnit Cer I thought you were scrubbing out, not completely changing." I hadn't realized it, but at least an hour had passed from when I started playing with the computer and working with the files if the clock on the computer was to be believed. "You looked like you were pretty into it so I decided not to disturb you. Plus you know how much fun it is for me to tease you like this. Especially after, well these..." One hand waved at the screens in front of me. The small hands' nails were painted the darkest black and almost made them blend into the void that existed outside of the screens. "I do Cer, and that's part of the problem, we both know that it's never going to happen. Least of all for you." She laughed a little, a clear beautiful sound and the body beneath my head bounced slightly telling me I was against her stomach. "Still I know you enjoy these little moments," she said, the pressure on the back of my head disappearing and was replaced by the voice right by my ear again as she whispered, "especially when we both know that's not at all true." At the last words she nibbled my ear gently. I couldn't help but roll my eyes at her, in spite of my baser instinct rising to meet her VERY juicy insinuations. But for as long as I've known Cerith and as many times as we have both been VERY drunk, they have NEVER cashed in. I just assumed that it was a quirk of theirs. "Anyways," she said standing back up, "what are you thinking so far about the files? Spooky, right? Like I said, nothing that I can see connects them." Her hands gestured in front of me in an approximation of a shrug. She then clasped them together, wringing the knuckles and effectively trapping me in the chair and back against her abdomen. I scrubbed my eyes with my fingertips acutely aware of the growing headache that suddenly made itself known. "Your right from the medical side. I can't see everything you can, of course. I don't have near the knowledge that you have," which is true being that Cerith is at least 200 years old. I never asked directly, the old adage still holding about women and their age. Still though her answers to certain questions would lead one to believe her being her first adult car was a Bing Cherry 2201 Firebird GT with white walled hover trim and chrome accents. From pictures that I could find it looked like a slick piece. Looking back to the screens I couldn't help but feel that itch again. I couldn't explain it. That prickly feeling of ice needles again, this time in the back of my skull. As much as I'd hate to admit it. I think Cerith is right. I sighed heavily before saying "send me everything. I'll open a new case file and have the team start working on it first thing." She made a happy noise and bounced slightly, clearly satisfied with my decision to take it on. I reached out and to my left and a glass was placed gently into my hand by Tabitha. I hadn't even realized she had come over while I was working and was now ready for that drink. Room temperature rum and cola. The drink went down smoothly enough considering I drained the glass in one gulp, during which time I finally got a good eyeful of Ceriths current form. Or rather the underside of part of it. From what I could tell she was wearing a black T-shirt. That was it. I put the glass back down, it's job done without moving my head and said, "What a lovely view Cerith. I'm guessing you chose this to try to get a rise out of me?" I couldn't lie though it was affecting me, but I couldn't let her know that. Not when she's like this. Otherwise she'll continue to tease me till she leaves me with the absolute worst case of blue balls this side of the City. Her hands came up and cupped my chin almost lovingly, and her voice said "Of course Detective. Do you not approve? Or would you rather I change back to my medical examination form? Or something else?" Her words dripped with implied sex. I groaned, loudly, and said, "This is fine. Jesus Cer." Before we could continue our most scintillating of conversations there was a sudden PING! And DANNA said, "I'm sorry to interrupt, but there's a message for you Cerith. It says 'If you can get to the department Cerith, do so. We need you to explain your paperwork. And if Detective Julius is still with you have him come in too.' signed the Chief. Would you like to reply?" 'shit, I forgot the morgue kills all signals,' I thought to myself as I stood up gently (regretfully) prying myself from Ceriths grasp with a, "duty calls. Need a lift?" I stretched gently, the scales in between my shoulders clicking appreciatively for the stretch, and turned around to notice she was indeed, just wearing a black T-shirt that hugged her voluptuous figure closely. The scales in my back clicked shut in surprise. Cerith let out a small cute chuckle, "I see after all this time I can still surprise you," she said blowing a kiss my way, reminding me of a little Gothic pixy. I rolled my eyes away from her and willed my scales to relax. I grabbed my jacket off the back of the chair, slinging it on and clicking the neck clasp shut under the cord that connected my scales to the unit in my head. I was awarded the cybernetics upon completing my training and getting all my licenses to have them. The force had allowed me to customize it, I had chosen top of the line. A dual unit with custom built AI. The individual scales were ceracoated titanium microprocessors all running in both series and parallel, and could move to expel heat or react. The main unit was the same except it was one solid unit that replaced a chunk of skull. Once that was done I zipped up the front of the leathers and ran the scales through the racer setting. They clicked and flattened against the outside of the jacket, securing it to my back. I shrugged making sure it was comfortable. "I'll take the fact that you're only in a t-shirt you'll be along shortly?" "Certainly detective." Her voice was filled with dismissive submission... And sadness? I looked back at her and noticed her makeup was gone. Or had she had any on in the first place? I gave myself a mental shake. There's no way. This was Cerith, veritable goddess of the necropolis. I put the last few minutes away for review later. Chief called. I have to go. On an instinct I thought long dead, I reached out and squeezed her hand. I felt a slight squeeze back. And then she let go with a, "Go on, be a good detective. I'll be along shortly." I left with Tabitha as my guide. Before Cerith disappeared into the darkness I thought I heard her whisper, "please don't leave." My scales raised in a saddened response. I couldn't be sure I heard her right though. If I heard her at all. I reached back and stroked them, knowing my ai probably heard her, and knowing it could feel me touch the scales. After a few seconds the scales settled down. 'I know buddy,' I thought to the AI. It couldn't respond like usual AI. The force thought that was too dangerous. What if it went rogue? What if it tried to kill the host and take over? The list went on and eventually they decided the basics were ok. When I got my unit one of the first things I did was jack it into a diagnostic to see what kind of hardware I was dealing with exactly because manufacturer specs from real use are sometimes different with AI if the bits and bobs are in place. When I did, all I got on the screen was 'Hello?'

today i was in the grocery store and my mom made me smell a laundry detergent bc she thought it smell good and to me it didnt so i said it smelled like butt and she got all sour and the lady next said her kids do the same like omg who cares it was literally funny like if something smells like ass then it smells like ass 😭😭. like tf why do they cry so much over jokes its not my fault that shit smelled like straight up booty cheeks it’s ok to laugh lol like for example i laughed bc of the name dicks in dicks sporting goods and our teacher told us to bE mAtUrE like dude why don’t u GROWN DOWN instead of us GROWING UP 🧎🏽‍♀️like bruh i swear boomers or whatever have no sense of humor smh

HS Geography class with a mix of 10-12 students. The class is basically a credit retrieval device for mostly students who are deficient in Social Studies credits. There are 38 students in the class and most of them are failing multiple classes. So, you know, they don't give a fuck. On any given day I might have around 5-8 students actually paying attention to what I'm teaching. The rest are either hunched over their phones or shooting the shit all class.
As this mass of seething humanity was exciting the classroom today one of them had the brilliant idea to call 911 on the classroom phone and hang up. I didn't know about this until I got a worried call a few minutes later from the front office asking if everything was ok. I assured them that there was no emergency and it was just one of my little angels (of death) thinking they were funny.
I am so tired of dealing with the level of disrespect from too many of these turd goblins. There's no way I'll be able to figure out which one of them did this.
How can I address this with the class to let them know that whomever did this is not funny but rather is a rude little disrespectful piece of fucking shit oxygen thief...without losing my job?
Before anyone starts jumping on me about how I shouldn't call them pieces of shit and I shouldn't be a teacher if that's how I feel please know this - I am a successful teacher of 16 years that makes strong connections with my students, I'm not a hard ass but I expect the most from them and help them achieve their potential, I've been awarded teacher of the year at my campus, I'm involved in planning and curriculum at the district level, I sponsor a student affinity group, and I am an active member in my community. But man, these little shits in this class are really trying me.

I was married to a very abusive man. I suffered from vaginismus throughout the marriage in part due to religious beliefs and in part due to the abuse. We never had penetrative intercourse. We would try, but it never worked. After 4.5 years of marriage, he kept threatening to leave me because of it and other reasons. I got curious if my constant fear of him contributed to my inability to relax and let him penetrate me during intercourse. I had been a virgin up until that point. I ended up trying it with someone I was attracted to. He was a divorced single man. My period came that day, so we engaged in foreplay but he did not penetrate me. My husband immediately found out and ended the marriage the same day. We had no closure. I felt I had no one to turn to, and that man was the total opposite of my husband. He was incredibly nice, humble, calm, and funny. I started falling for him, partly because he was so different from my ex husband. I expressed my feelings to him. Initially, he told me that he didn't know if he felt the same and wanted to kiss me to figure out if he did. We did that and more. I continued wanting physical encounters. He agreed to them. We had one more physical encounter, and had trouble but came really close. I became interested in taking the relationship further. He told me he was in no shape to be in a relationship. I was heartbroken, but wanted to continue exploring the foreign world of sex with him, hoping he would be my big cure to vaginismus. So I asked him if he wanted to be friends with benefits, and he agreed. The whole time, he kept priming me to make sure I wouldn't get attached, which was understandable considering we agreed to a FWB situation. However, he kept insinuating that my pussy was one he intended on conquering, which made it sound like he was intent on taking my virginity. We did it one time after that, and he did. I was so happy that my vaginismus was finally cured, and wanted to keep exploring the sex world. He was the obvious go-to in my head. I'd try to meet up again and he'd be cold and distant and dodge the questions. I then started noticing inconsistencies in his stories, and figured out that he was probably married. I confronted him. He denied, giving a sob story that his parents are old and ill and he lives with them, and that he doesn’t do FWB situations. He also said he can't do it with me anymore because he feels nothing for me and isn't cut out for relationships with anyone, but that he's happy to stay friends. He made no sense but I accepted the BS. He continued texting me even though I wanted to start distancing myself from him. A few months later, I accidentally discovered he was secretly vacationing in Turks & Caicos with an awful woman from work. I later found out that they had been FWB for years, and he ended up falling for her before he had sex with me. I discovered it because I worked at the airline company their vacation was booked through, and saw that they booked this trip while he was still sleeping with me. I confronted him about his lie about not being able to be in a relationship with anyone, and it turned into a huge fight. I had taken a job offer across the country by this point and was leaving in 3 days. We ended up rebuilding a friendship that was an emotional support to both of us. I ended up moving back to my hometown, and discovered that he had been secretly married while sleeping with me and in a full-fledged relationship with this other woman, who had no idea that he was married. I confronted him about it and told him we can't be friends, and he begged me to stay friends and started treating me like royalty after that, being nice, caring and very sweet. Throughout the friendship I had repeatedly expressed how I felt this friendship was unhealthy for me, especially when he'd talk about his awful mistress and the royal treatment he'd give her when she treats others (including me) like garbage, and he'd beg me to stay friends with him despite me expressing how I didn't think it was good for me. About 8 months later, his mistress ended up finding out he was married, and he heartlessly ghosted me after I said some hurtful things to him, telling him he deserved it. He victimized himself, and then completely discarded me. I have wanted this man out of my life for some time, but I still have intense feeling of trauma and pain from every stage of the relationship. The damage is very deep. Thoughts?

My 4 year old son has a tendency to shove food into his mouth, so much of it that he ends up not being able to swallow it, gagging and has to spit it back out in a big ball of mashed up grub. We’ve coached him, reminded him endlessly to take smaller bites. I’ve told him to take a bite only if his mouth doesn’t have food in it. He does it a few times but then he’s right back to literally shoving food in his mouth again. He’ll be 5 in a few months and heading to kindergarten. I’ve asked his daycare teachers if this happens at school and they haven’t noticed anything.
Has anyone else’s kid also had this issue? How did you resolve it? Is it an age thing? He’s been doing it since he turned 3. I’m not sure how to help him outgrow this other than continual reminders but it doesn’t seem to be working.

My son was born at 35 weeks he has never hit a single milestone on time. He has an autism screening next week and I'm just trying to prepare myself. His therapists think he might have some sort of OCD, autism or anxiety. He is in our state's early intervention program and he has done occupational therapy, speech therapy, feeding therapy and developmental therapy.
My husband and I've been collecting a list of things that have been concerning for the last 6 to 9 months. I'm just wondering if these things seem worth having him tested for autism and what I should be expecting during his testing?
This is a random list completely out of order and not at all organized. I've made this list as things come to mind
[ ] Will quit eating if his hands get dirty [ ] Will stop eating if he drops food. Will not eat again until the "mess" has been cleaned up [ ] Does not eat well and when we cut his Kate Farms back he lost weight in a month [ ] His food needs to be separated and each section of his plate has to have food before he will eat [ ] He has had an upper scope, a lower scope, two swallow studies, anal, Botox He has prescriptions for Senna miralax and an appetite stimulant [ ] If his fork gets dirty we have to wipe it off before he will keep eating [ ] Mealtime takes one to two hours [ ] Most days he won't eat until 11:00 to 2:00 p.m. some days he will go all day without any food or water. He does not seem to be bothered by not eating [ ] Cries any time we try to have meal time [ ] Panics about things "coming apart" especially about food. He will say "back on" and cry [ ] He pockets food and uses his whole hand to shove food down his throat [ ] He will eat the same food for a few weeks at a time and that will be the only thing he eats and when he's done eating that type of food it takes us a few weeks to figure out something else he'll eat [ ] He has a food choice chart with pictures made by his DT to help with mealtime [ ] Knows what a horizontal stabilizer is on an airplane. Knows 8 or 9 planes parts and types [ ] Loves naming airplane parts, cranes, construction equipment, telescopes and trucks [ ] Loves wheels and gears and building things [ ] Used a medicine syringe as a screw driver to fix things around the house [ ] Blinks funny. Will hold both eyes shut for 2 or 3 seconds [ ] Will not get his hands dirty [ ] Hits and kicks during diaper changes [ ] I'm unable to change poop diapers without having to shower him because he won't stay still enough [ ] Cries every time he has a diaper change. He does not recognize when he's gone to the bathroom in his diaper [ ] We've tried a mirror, songs, hair brushes, TV, toys etc for helping with diaper changes [ ] Copies random phrases. "good job dude" or "hot dog" [ ] Bites every day. Mostly when happy or overwhelmed. Never during a tantrum [ ] I have to rip the tags out of his clothing in public [ ] He doesn't seem to care when we tell him his biting hurts or not to kick. [ ] Does not play alongside other children well. Does not follow directions or stay with the group like his peers [ ] Does not respond to his name unless it is called multiple times and then screamed [ ] Will only engage in conversations he starts [ ] Loves to fall down and crash. He will bloody his hands and then continue to throw himself down on concrete [ ] Covers his ears in public. When there is an air blower at the entrance he will freak out [ ] Loves to climb [ ] Loves to spin [ ] Head banging [ ] Loves flipping [ ] Is afraid of the dark [ ] Has little to no fear or sense of danger [ ] Gags himself with his hand until he throws up [ ] The vacuum scares him hair dryer scare him and he does not like it when the AC or heat kicks on [ ] Will get in your face to talk about something he is interested in but doesn't make good eye contact unless it's a topic he wants to talk about [ ] Will make eye contact briefly but will not hold it [ ] Plays with the same toys the same way every time [ ] Loves playing with small Legos especially the wheels [ ] Lines up his toys and food [ ] If we do something once it becomes our routine and it must be done over and over again [ ] Repeat the same words or phrases over and over again for a few weeks at a time [ ] He will have 2 hour long tantrums. We will do everything we can for him and we don't have any other things to help him. Last time we used a sensory brush and his z vibe. He will sound like he's having trouble breathing during these fits, has coughing fits and needs his inhaler [ ] He has trouble staying with his group and following directions at soccer and gymnastics. He doesn't like moving through rotations. He wants to stay in one spot [ ] He will zone out and we will have trouble getting his attention. We have to call his name multiple times and then scream his name for him to respond [ ] Had a speech delay. First word at 22 months [ ] Has trouble functioning outside of his routine. When we travel and we stay in our routine. He does great traveling as long as we follow our routine. He can't function if we change it up [ ] Will not lay on his back for diaper changes or bath time [ ] Freaks out if his hands are dirty [ ] He needs a tight squeeze when he gets upset but does not want to be touched unless he's asking [ ] Reacts well to changing tasks if we have a timer
[ ] Will stop writing his bike to clean leaves and dirt off of his tires [ ] Loves to be asked questions but will only answer yes and no questions. He doesn't always answer correctly [ ] He will pick a body part and say it hurts for weeks [ ] Everything has to be clean and picked up. He has to take every piece apart before putting a toy away like Legos, stackable boats in bathtub [ ] Refuses to leave Grandmamas house until all the mess is clean (toys and food) [ ] Never wants to be alone. Refuses to play alone unless he is outside or playing Legos. [ ] He's normally a very happy kid but the things that upset him makes it so he can't function [ ] Walk with his ear to shoulder [ ] Makes himself throw up [ ] Won't sleep unless his mouth is in the covers, his gray blanket in over his feet and his ceiling fan is on. He will lay in his bed and call for us to come fix it if we do it wrong. [ ] Does not follow what other kids are doing during soccer and gymnastics [ ] Loves to play Legos and build wheels [ ] Nightmares [ ] Lots of affection. Hugs, biting, tight squeezes, banging head when happy [ ] Loves trash cans [ ] Calls himself "you" [ ] Wants the same songs, toys, and books over and over again [ ] Doesn't like it when the wind blows. Covers his ears [ ] Whiny/ distressed/ high pitched voice [ ] Randomly walks away in public. Tries to chase cars in parking lots. Wants to touch cars we pass [ ] Only hits and bites when happy and excited [ ] Can not tell you his name [ ] Stopped hunting easter eggs to organize them by color [ ] Toe walks some [ ] Some hand flapping [ ] Remembers small details [ ] Runs his hands along the shelves in the grocery store [ ] Refused to get in his high chair at every meal until we confirm that it is clean [ ] Started chewing on hands and keeping hands in mouth all the time [ ] Will sometimes chew the neck of his shirt [ ] Loves reading. Will sit and listen to books for an hour [ ] Parents of friends have made comments. One parent said her child has started "saying everything 3 times like Teddy does" and "Teddy shakes when you touch him" [ ] His therapist have previously mentioned that Teddy wouldn't let her touch him [ ] Gets in your face to tell you things he's interested in [ ] Shakes so badly during swim class that he made himself throw up. He was not crying when he got sick. He loves water and loved swimming until his swim teacher started holding him [ ] Wouldn't go down the stairs to get in the car until I would sweep the dog hair out of the hall way [ ] Shakes his head really hard in front of sound machine [ ] If we are fussing at him or trying to get him to change tasks and we touch him, he falls to the floor screams and has a meltdown

Hey everyone in PHYS 040C with Jacky Wan! After that brutal midterm, a few friends and I are taking action by meeting with the department head to push for changes. But we need more of YOU to join us. It's unfair that we're lacking relevant practice materials and feeling like guinea pigs in Wan's first-ever EE class.
Let's band together to demand change and push for a curve because a 43% average on a midterm is a clear sign that the teacher isn't supporting us properly. Also, ask for any relevant practice material!

I'm currently a full-time substitute in SFUSD and Oakland USD and looking to begin teaching this fall in the Bay Area. So far, I've had really great experiences with teachers and admin at most of the schools I've worked in. I have no reference for interactions with parents except what I've heard from other teachers which can range from wonderful to downright abusive.
While having a discussion about opportunities in the bay (in a Title 1 middle school I might add), a passing teacher mentioned the high pay in Santa Clara which was quickly followed by:
"but you don't want to go there, the parents are crazy". Which received several agreements and head nods.
These particular teachers haven't worked in the district, so I'd like to hear from any teachers in the area that are willing to share their experience. How did Santa Clara parents get this reputation and what does it actually mean?

Hello again velo, It's me. The guy that rides uphill in Japan. On my last post I mentioned some differences in racing in Japan saying it was for another post. Well, there appeared to be some interest in me making that post. As I mentioned then... I tend to ramble. I'm an English teacher at a small high school which leaves me with a lot of free time. I enjoy spending that time researching anything from training methodology to obscure Japanese history. I decided to use some of that time to write about road racing in Japan and it turned into... well, whatever this is. It's (sort of) a guide to racing your bike over here. I've organized it into sections, so feel free to read it all or skip through them. At the end I've attached racing adjacent notes as well as a small bio.
If this post is not appropriate for this subreddit, I understand. And while I don't want to self-promote I spend most of my time reading about Japan not only because I live here, but also because my wife and I host a podcast. We mostly ramble about our lives here as foreigners. It's mostly cultural, but as long time competetive cyclists we often talk about bikes too. We host a website where I write random articles, which is where this is ultimately hosted, with photos. If you're curious you can google my username and find us.
I tried to think about things I've learned along the way and put it into writing for anyone in the future that might move to Japan and have an interest in racing. If you have any questions or see any information gaps, feel free to ask! In September we'll be moving to the Netherlands... so maybe I'll have to do this all over again then. Anyway, without further rambling, here it is.
Race License
There are actually quite a lot of road events throughout the country. However, many are marketed towards recreational cyclists. Going as far as incorporating anti-competition clauses in their rules. So what do you do if you want to race? For starters, you’ll head to the Japan Cycling Federation’s website and register for a license. It’s in Japanese, but with the magic of Google Translate it shouldn’t be too hard to navigate. This is also for those currently residing in Japan. I think otherwise you would need an international license issued from your country’s governing body.
While on their website you can check the calendar of events that are scheduled. But, it’s not as simple as where I am from (USA) where once you have a license you can register yourself for almost any event and just show up.
Race Organizers
In most cases while the JCF is the licensing body, they are not the event coordinator. Events are hosted by a number of different governing bodies within the country. There’s the Japan Intercollegiate Cycling Federation (JICF), Japan Cycling League (JCL), prefectural federations such as the Yamaguchi Cycling Federation and finally the Japan Bicyclist Club Federation (JBCF). There are a lot of Js, Cs and Fs in the acronym lexicon over here. In this post I’ll be focusing on the JBCF because it was sold to me as Japan’s premier race organizer and the highest level of racing in Japan. It also seems to have the most robust calendar of events.
Declaration of my bias and shortcoming: The JBCF is the only organizer I’ve had any meaningful experience with. No, they’re not paying me. However I have won a cool towel, a coffee cup and some bar tape at their events. Actually I’ve given them quite a bit of money…
Teams
So you’ve got your JCF license and like me you’ve decided to participate in the JBCF. What’s next? Register for a JBCF account, sign up for events, race your bike? Almost. You do need to register for an account. After that, you need to find a team. That’s right, you need to be registered with a JBCF team to participate in races. This was a surprise to me and also a barrier to entry at first. As a new resident of Japan I didn’t know anyone here let alone a team that would let a random foreigner join.
How’d I do it then? Well, the first team I joined was through a friend of a friend of a friend. My second and current team I ended up getting to know because I took a bunch of KOMs around my new home. I guess Strava KOMs are worth something after all. If you’re looking for a team you could start by asking local shops, they often have a club organization that you can sign up for. If you’re desperate you can also make your own team. It used to only require two people, but I think they increased that to three or four.
Costs
I’m writing this in May of 2024, so the costs will be current as of that month. The USD to JPY conversion is sitting around 1 USD = 155 JPY.
Your first cost will be the JCF license fee. In my case, an elite rider over 23 years old, it was 5,000y for an e-license and 6,300y for the physical one. My first year I used the e-license, but my second year I paid for the physical one as a cool souvenir.
Beyond the license. You’ll need a team kit (bibs & jersey) and you may also be required to pay the athlete registration fee. To join my E1 team in 2024 I paid 43,000 yen. That included one team kit and the registration fee plus some small accessories (gloves, bottle, etc.). In E1 I paid all my own entry fees, which were approximately 8,500y per race.
My JPT experience was a special case. I paid roughly $1,200 (usd). But I received two kits (jerseys & bibs), a speed suit (SS skinsuit), windbreaker, vest, socks, etc. I also had the benefit of the “pro” treatment at races with lots of assistance. Was it a cold rainy day? I could ask for embro and they’d oil me up with a little massage. Needed a bike wash, snacks, or a trainer to warm up on? All provided. And all of my entry fees were covered. I never paid those out of pocket. It was a really cool experience and honestly I think I got my money's worth just in the races that I attended, let alone all the extras. Plus the team was above and beyond hospitable. A really great bunch of people.
Categories
Once you’re on a team you’re good to go! So which category should you race in? The JBCF has 5 big categories: Japan Pro Tour (JPT), Japan Elite Tour (JET), Japan Feminin Tour (F), Japan Youth Tour (Y1 & Y2), and the Japan Masters Tour (M). JET is further broken down into E1, E2 & E3. The general idea is male riders start as E3 and through results they work their way up to E1. If they’re highly motivated they’ll target a placement on a JPT Team.
Unfortunately for the women, I believe there is only one lump “Female” category. But in one of my most recent races a woman lined up with us for our race start. So that may be an option. For the Youth there’s U19 & U17. Masters is similar to the women’s category and I believe there is simply one “Masters” event, without age ranges.
Using what I know (USA Cycling Categories) I’ll try to make a comparison. E3 is your Cat 4/5 or Novice rank. E2 is around Cat 3/4 and E1 is roughly one big P/1/2/3 field. JPT is something like the US’s Domestic Elite field. Some JPT teams (and even some E1 teams) are UCI Continental teams. Although, honestly, some JPT riders are probably equivalent to strong Cat 3s.
In America I raced as a Cat 2 on the road, albeit I was a pretty weak 2. My first year in Japan I raced JPT and was able to hang in the peloton and finish events. My second year I raced as an E1, where I was very competitive and able to fight for podium finishes. That’s my experience and my basis for the above comparisons.
Events
Once you’ve got all the above figured out, it’s time to finally race! The JBCF organizes the following events: Road, Criterium, Hill Climb, Time Trial and Track. Criterium, Time Trial & Track are pretty similar to what you’d find anywhere else in the world. So for this post I’ll really just focus on Road and Hill Climb.
It’s worth noting that except for track, all of these events take place on public roads. But, unlike the USA, it seems the general rule in Japan is that for a race to be a “race” the roads need to be closed to traffic. Sounds great, right? Right! Or, mostly. Japan is a beautiful country with incredible scenery and fantastic road riding. Unfortunately, the JBCF uses very little of this. I think to minimize inconveniencing locals, cut costs, and make their lives easier, most of these events will take place on already closed circuits or around agricultural land (where no one lives or drives anyway). In practice they are “public” roads, but they only need to shut down one or two entrances to close off the entire loop.
Many “road” events are just very long short circuit races. A popular venue that hosts multiple races throughout the season is the Gunma Cycle Sports Center. This is a defunct cycling theme park built in the 1980s with a paved 6 km circuit. Some of the races in the higher categories can be up to 150 km! That’s 25 laps! And, they’ll be pulling riders. When I was racing JPT it was often a big accomplishment just to finish a race. It was a common occurrence for a break to get established with the big teams represented and the rest of the field to sit up, inevitably getting pulled before being lapped. It’s not uncommon for well over half of the field to DNF early on in these longer races. Sometimes to add a little spice to your life, they’ll run the course in the opposite direction one weekend.
So, I’m biased, but that style of “road racing” wasn’t for me. That’s what led me to the Hill Climb. At first, I thought it was just an uphill TT. But, it's a mass start! The last one I did was Mt. Ontake HC which was a 17.7km race gaining 1,150 meters in elevation finishing at an altitude just under 2,200m. I finished in 51 minutes. It’s more like an uphill criterium. You might explode, but you won’t get pulled. It’s also, of course, point to point.
Good things to know about a Hill Climb are the controlled descent and luggage delivery. When you finish you’ll be waiting at the top of the climb for all other riders and categories to finish. Sometimes this means you’re waiting for an hour or more! Thankfully the morning of the race you can give a bag to the organizers and they will deliver it to the top of the mountain. This is a great way to make sure you have extra layers and snacks waiting for you. Just make sure it’s packed in a bag that you can then easily carry with you on the descent.
Be extra mindful of the forecast. At Ontake in 2024 we started at the base of the mountain in temperatures around 16 celsius. At the summit it was 7 degrees and it started to rain! Thankfully I had a teammate who had driven to the top (you must register your vehicle) and he gave me a lift back down. If you’re riding down, the descent will be done in waves which are chaperoned and controlled by officials on motorcycles.
Registering
I can only tell you my experience and I’m not certain that this is how it always works. When I was in the JPT, I never paid for an event. Each team could send six riders and the team manager made a selection based on which riders requested to go to which event, they would then register you to go. In my E1 team I haven’t run into any rider maximums (we only have a few E1 riders), and I pay for each event. I still tell the team’s manager which event I want to travel to, they register me, but then I pay them back.
The Day Of
The JBCF events have been very organized. The week before they will release a list of registered riders along with a technical guide. The technical guide will include information about the course, where to park, where to check in, how to pin your numbers and more. It’s only in Japanese. Google Translate will be your best friend. Or if you’re lucky you may have a teammate that can speak some English and help you out.
Usually the check in process begins a couple of hours before the start time. You’ll go to license control and pick up your numbers and timing chip. If you’re doing a hill climb and need to, this is also the period of time you drop off your luggage to be taken to the summit. Get kitted & pinned up, then go to the “vehicle control”. They will check your bike against a jig, kind of like what the UCI might use, as well as check the weight (take your bottles off the bike when you hand it to them) and make sure your numbers are pinned correctly. A keen eyed inspector may even look at your helmet to make sure it has the JCF certification sticker. You could possibly be told to change helmets if yours doesn’t have the sticker. When they tell you that everything is OK, you’ll go to the table and sign the box with your name.
There are also meetings that will be happening. But, you shouldn’t have to worry about that. If the team manager can’t be present they will send an “attendant”. This person is responsible for going to the meetings and reporting back to the riders.
Podiums & Prizes
Look how far you’ve come. After all that you’re headed to the podium, which in many events will be six deep. What should you expect? Maybe a cool trophy or a medal? It’s even better. How about a formal certificate signed and stamped by the JBCF President! That’s right, you’ll be receiving an A4 sheet of paper. And yes, when they hand it to you they’ll turn it to face you, use both hands to hand it over and bow. And yes, you should receive it with both hands and bow in return. I plan to frame and hang mine like some kind of college diploma. You’ll probably receive a prize as well. Something like what I mentioned earlier in this post, a towel, cup, umbrella, etc.
Where’s the money? If you want to hold a giant cheque with a big number (because it’s in yen) you’ll need to be racing in the top category, JPT. In this category the podium is only three deep. One time in a race I had a teammate finish 3rd and win some money. I never saw any of it, which was fair as I didn’t really contribute to his result. And I never podiumed myself. So I’m not sure how the payout actually works. Did he get to keep it all? Did the team take it? Who knows. I hope he kept it all, he’s a great guy.
Other Notes
Gachinko Cycle TV & Photo Galleries. Almost all JBCF events are live streamed & archived on YouTube! There’s a company called Gachinko Cycle TV that provides coverage. This includes camera motos as well as stationary cameras. A lot of photographers also come to the events and a photo gallery is posted on the JBCF website after the events take place.
Events & Categories. Not every event will be run for every category. A motivator for me to move from JPT to E1 was that not every hill climb has a JPT category, but they all seem to have E1. My first time racing at Ontake I was in the “Open” category and not eligible for any points or placement.
Outlier events. There are some events like the Niseko Classic (Gran Fondo World Championship Qualifier) and the Tour of Okinawa. These are one off events which are not part of the JBCF or any other federation I mentioned above. But, they are “real” road races on closed roads. There are also plenty of “cookie” rides. But be aware, like mentioned earlier, many of these explicitly say you shouldn’t come and try to ride for a certain time. I think it’s related to what I’ve been told about races having to take place on closed roads. These cookie rides likely have no traffic control. And instead of a cookie, you might get a bag of dry rice to cook later. Happened to me once.
The Hill Climb might be Japan’s most accessible event. There are actually quite a few of them around the country outside of the JBCF and they can be registered for on SportsEntry - I don’t think you need a JCF license.
What about other disciplines? I’ll toss this in here at the end because I think it’s worth mentioning. If you’re not racing Track, Cyclocross or Road… you’re not going to be doing much racing. Mountain biking is still very much in its infancy here in Japan. Despite its incredible landscape, there’s a shocking lack of good mountain biking. My wife and I moved here from Western North Carolina and she’s a former Age Group XC National Champion as well as podium finisher in events like the Pisgah Stage Race and Collegiate Nationals in STXC, XC & Omnium. So believe me, we have tried to find some good mountain biking here and it’s rough.
There are some lift-access downhill courses and we actually went to one for a “gravel” race which my wife won. This was held on what was essentially a non-technical STXC course. Disappointing is a bit of an understatement. There IS Grinduro Japan… but it’s insanely expensive and again, not really a race.
This honestly has had a big impact on our decision to ultimately move away from Japan. But, keep an eye out for developments in places like: https://www.minamialpsmtb.com/ https://namba.ngo/ https://www.nsd-hakuba.jp/iwatake_mtb_park/en/
Cyclocross has a big following in Japan and the calendar appears to be full of events throughout the season. If we were staying long term, I’d be buying a cross bike. Unfortunately I don’t have one, so I never got into that scene while living here.
Although this is mostly about racing in Japan, if you come here to race you’ll also (hopefully) be riding your bike for fun. Please be aware some laws work differently here. Although I’ve never personally run into trouble I’ve been told things like: bikes MUST use the crosswalk if turning across traffic (no turning like a car turns) & that bikes CANNOT exceed 30 km/h (a bike shop owner told me this). My wife and I have often talked about this as well… while in the USA drivers can be malicious towards cyclists, Japanese drivers are often blissfully ignorant towards them. Always ride defensively. Drivers will make eye contact with you and proceed to pull out in front of you expecting you to either not be traveling with speed or to stop for them. Even in “polite” Japan, the Car is King. I’ve had far more close calls with drivers here than I had in America. Having said that, it’s still a wonderful country to explore by bike.
Who Am I?
If you read all of this, thanks! I hope that you learned a little bit about road racing in Japan. But, who am I? I’m an American from Western North Carolina, now living in Japan. Ishikawa Prefecture to be specific. I’ve been a cyclist since 2011 when I bought my first road bike. In America I’m a Cat 2 on the road and an XC MTB Cat 1 with extensive experience training for and racing in a variety of disciplines. Road riding and racing is my true love and I honestly only got into MTB to hang out with my girlfriend. I guess it was worth it because the only National Championship medals I have are from Team Relay & Team Omnium. Oh, we ended up getting married too. So that was cool. I also got into the gravel craze thanks to the plethora of racing options in the South East. I’ve stood on multiple podiums with the internet’s favorite privateer, Dylan Johnson. And I’ve dabbled in bikepacking, bike touring & ultra endurance riding. Really, I’m just a guy that thinks about bikes too much.

I’m looking for a barber that can cut Asian men’s hair.
My hair isn’t the easiest to cut because my head is shaped funny (thanks parents) and my hair is sorta wavy. I already got a Supercuts haircut but it was less than super and I ended up looking likeJim Carey on Dumb and Dumber (minus the gapped tooth).
I am also not looking for a $100 haircut either. I would but money is tight. I know I’m asking for a lot (good barber and affordable) but that’s about where I’m at with life :)

first
Luna VI query: Set the source to the leaked files of the first reconnaissance operation of Irisa.
Done!
Luna VI query: What did Nathan do during the first hour of the war?
***
From the instant he opened his eyes, Nathan's morning was chaotic. It all began with the ground shaking beneath him, jolting him into a state of awareness. He then was greeted by the sight of Amara. She was leaning against a corner, covered in purple from head to toe as she screamed at someone through an earpiece that she was pressing with one of her claws.
His good morning was overhearing one piece of bad news after the other.
The rest of Amara's group had been ambushed early in the morning; many were dead, injured, or missing.
A war had erupted in the sky and her allies were trying to push back the enemy forces, but the battle persisted; the outcome was uncertain.
Zara was being brought to them, but Amara had lost contact with Igmila's group who was bringing her, only receiving confirmation from another group that a rescue pod was spotted at a distance.
And when he thought that things couldn't get any worse, he heard a bang followed by the AI reporting that Ryo had shot down a drone somewhere near their position.
"Open the tent!" Red had conquered Amara's body.
None of the scenarios Nathan had contemplated the previous night had prepared him for such a chaotic morning. "Give me a second."
He only wanted a chance to get his gun from his backpack and explain why he had it in the first place, even though he suspected Amara was already aware he had it. But she didn't let him. "Now!"
She had never felt so distant to him as the moment she said that single word, which led him to just comply as he stood up and followed her in silence. But this frail silence only masked his morning grumpiness, magnified by the dire circumstances and her cold demeanor toward him.
Nathan had barely caught a glimpse of Ryo and Elysira at a distance when he muttered. "It wouldn't have been so hard to say a few words to fill me in, you know."
Amara's eyes were transfixed on the smoking pieces of the drone when she whipped her head around, glaring at him with her orange eyes. "My people are fighting a war and dying. How can you demand my time when Yelara is hurt and barely escaped alive?"
"Oh, come on, I'm not demanding anything." He scoffed, shaking his head. "I just don't think it would have been so hard to tell me what you intend to do in the next five minutes."
The tip of her tail pressed against his chest, as red and purple coexisted on her skin.
"I am heading up the mountain to find Igmila." She spoke in a detached voice, pulling her tail back and turning around, and then she sprinted in the gap between himself and the tent.
He caught a glimpse of gray on her neck and all his grumpiness was gone, replaced by a cold shiver running down his spine. With his arms moving faster than his thoughts, he grabbed her by the tail, preventing her from going anywhere.
"You absolutely can't do this Amara." Nathan looked down at the tail he held with both hands and swallowed a lump of saliva in fear of her reaction. But that still didn't prevent him from finishing what he had to say, "It's too dangerous."
Amara's eyes sought his, causing him to suspect she would demand to be released or try to free herself by force, but she did something else. "All of this is because of you. Had I not come to your tent, I would be there to assist them."
Nathan caught a glimpse of green around her back spots, which let him know that there was a hint of guilt in her words. But did that justify blaming everything on him and running into danger without thinking?
If not for the awful night followed by an awful morning, Nathan might have just taken the blame and hugged her. But he too had his limits, "How is that fair? Blame me all you want, but nothing will change that you had all the chances in the world to go back and you didn't. I'm not saying that you could have done anything abo-"
"Indeed." Gray flashed for a moment before red flowed among her black spots. "This night was a waste of time." His grip faltered at her words and she pulled her tail back from among his fingers. "I should have stayed with Yelara to help her tend to her wounds."
Nathan bit his lips in frustration. How was it possible to agree with her words, yet still feel the sharp sting in his heart?
And if that was not enough, Ryo had to step in to rub salt in the wound.
Clap.
Clap.
Clap.
With Elysira’s tail wrapped around his wrist as she averted her eyes from Amara, Ryo spoke, "Please don't tell me you're mad because the plant lover couldn't get it up."
Nathan blinked fast not believing his eyes. Ryo was not only shirtless but there were a lot of scratches on his neck and below. Elysira’s long strands were also a mess, but even without that, their physical closeness alone would be enough of a hint of how much fun they had at night.
When Nathan glanced at Amara to gauge her reaction, she had already crossed her arms, looking at him angrily. Which immediately made him feel as if Ryo’s not-funny joke was true although he knew it wasn't.
It took Nathan a considerable amount of self-retainment to not walk up there and rearrange Ryo's handsome face with his fist, or at least attempt to do so.
A few seconds passed before he said, "Why are you here?"
Ryo didn't even bother to look at him, his eyes focusing solely on Amara. "Information. I want her to tell me what she knows about this war."
Amara didn't look pleased to help, but she still informed him about the ambush and even alerted him that even their current position would soon be unsafe.
As If things weren't already bad enough, Ryo frowned and hurried to instruct Elysira to get his things as soon as Amara had finished talking. Nathan felt like he was in a war movie where everything was happening too fast for his emotions and reason to follow.
It was only when he saw Ryo raising his gun skywards that Nathan’s anger subsided, contained by the prospect of how bad their situation was. Ryo movements were fluid and methodical, but he never pulled the trigger on the many drones that appeared high above and, instead, retreated to take cover behind a tree.
Only now the seriousness of the situation sank in for Nathan.
He didn't even care that he hadn't explained to Amara why he had a gun yet, rushing inside the tent after exchanging a glance with her.
After crossing the circular door, he found only a few items on the ground: a pair of boots, his sleeping bag, and his backpack with all his equipment inside.
Nathan was quick, wearing his boots first before retrieving his belt, knife, and holster from the backpack. With a sequence of swift movements, he strapped the sheathed knife and holster to the belt and cinched it around his waist, securing it in place before closing the backpack and dashing out the door with his gun in one hand and the backpack in the other.
Already outside, Nathan found it weirdly reassuring that Ryo was in the same spot as before, but that only lasted until he tried to find Amara, but found nothing no matter where he searched for her.
He dropped his backpack, feeling at a loss. How could he have allowed her to venture beyond his sight when he knew that guilt was clouding her judgment?
Only when he had already cupped his hands around his mouth to scream her name that he felt a touch right above his heel—her tail.
"Psst..."
Wiping his head, Nathan saw Amara's whole body mimicking the colors of his tent, making herself quite hard to spot.
"I thought you were gone." He joined her, stooping down beside the tent as relief washed over him.
"It might be too late to join my soldiers." She didn't allow her colors to change, but the translator conveyed a hint of sadness. "I lost contact with all the teams who were coming here."
"Amara I-"
Nathan was about to attempt to make things right with her when Ryo’s assertive voice reached him. "Listen up, those fuckers are jamming our comms and they will be here at any time. Take the MLBCS and find a clearing to use it, I doubt they can interfere with the laser. Just don't forget that your immediate safety comes first or else you might not be among the living when the pod arrives."
Ryo ran back to his tent as soon as he was done speaking, leaving Nathan questioning his own intelligence. How come he had never even considered leaving the planet? A single glance at Amara and he knew why. But did he have any other option?
Staying and fighting to hold his position was something he briefly considered. But did he have a chance when even Ryo decided to leave after seeing the drones?
Mission control might give him other options, so Nathan decided to try his luck despite Ryo’s warning.
Unable to establish a two-way connection.
He confirmed the interference with the communication with a single thought, kicking his backpack in frustration even though it was expected.
Why did it have to be so hard to accept that Ryo was right and leaving the planet was his best option?
But would Ryo truly leave the planet and leave Elysira behind?
Nathan forgot Amara who was beside him and screamed, not allowing this question to stay in his mind, "Wait, what are you gonna do?"
Ryo replied as he waited for Elysira, "I'm not leaving the planet unless mission control finds a way to save Ely too."
Nathan's eyes widened, feeling like an idiot as he brought up a pop-up window showing the schematics of the rescue pods. They were designed to be fast vehicles capable of transporting a single person to the space station, but Earth's government hadn’t skimped on the design, which included various components that could be discarded, such as medical supplies and search and rescue equipment.
He used the AI to run the calculations and found that Amara would likely be able to go with him, that is if they wedged themselves into the vehicle and discarded everything else.
Nathan was about to share his findings with Ryo when he caught a glimpse of him and Elysira disappearing into the woods, abandoning their tent behind as they ran away.
A sense of urgency struck him at that moment, but it was easily forgotten when Amara's voice struck even harder, "You should go."
"What do you mean?" He sought her eyes, but she avoided his gaze, facing to the ground.
"Do what Ryo suggested." She took a small pause before she went on. "Leave the planet."
"The hell I will!" He punched the tent. "Not without you." He could only assume she was saying this because she didn't know she could leave with him. "You'll come with me, and the pod will take us to the space station."
"Your species will refuse to take me." He saw a hint of purple on her neck. "Before the mission started your people told us you humans will not get involved in our wars." She finally made eye contact, and the purple on her skin intensified. "My best chance to survive this is to hide in the mountains and wait for reinforcements."
"You don’t understand, Amara." He didn't have time for a full explanation of what humans considered not getting involved. "No one in mission control will want to leave you here to die just because of some stupid rule." He then spoke his heart out without a care in the world. "And even if they do, they will take you anyway if say I won't go anywhere without you."
A hint of yellow could be seen among her camouflaged skin, but before she could say what she would do, her tail wrapped around his neck and he felt a strong pull to lower his head and bend his knees for cover.
"The rebels are here," she whispered as her ears twitched.
Nathan was tall enough to see the slope on the other side of the tent by just standing, but Amara struggled to see from above the structure, requiring her to stretch her full height and still take little jumps to take peeks.
And it was after doing so that she dropped her camouflage entirely, letting purple run free among her black spots.
Nathan took interest in what she had seen that had caused such a reaction, and he leaned cautiously against the tent and raised his head slowly, prepared to find a few armed Irisians hidden among the trees. But what he found instead was a never-ending line of Irisian advancing downhill at a fast pace towards them.
He understood Amara's reaction now, pulling back the harmer of the revolver as he stared at her. "I need to... do something."
He made up his mind, determined to shoot. But when activated the infrared view mode and took aim at Irisians descending the slope, Nathan froze for a second. This just lasted a moment, and when found the resolve to fire, he had already lifted the gun enough that it wouldn't hit anyone and it would just be a warning shot.
He fired once, twice, and went on until all six rounds were gone, then he noticed their organized marching had stopped, all of them having activated their camouflage. Some even broke the line and retreated uphill.
When he took cover again, Amara was protecting her ears with both hands, looking at him as if he were some sort of monster. Nathan ignored her and rifled through his backpack in search of more ammunition, finding the small box with shining metal bullets after he had searched for some long seconds.
It was only when he released the cylinder to reload the gun that Nathan noticed something.
His hands were shaking.
He ignored it and pressed the extraction rod the remove the cartridges from the cylinder to make room for the new ones, clumsily dropping a few of them as he reloaded.
Amara saw this and stopped him with her tail before he had filled all the chambers.
"I cannot go with you." Her body had been conquered by purple.
"You think I'll leave you behind?" He almost reached his breaking point when she replied.
"No." Her tail touched his cheek gently. "There are too many of them, Nathan." She pulled her tail back as a hint of gray appeared. "My brother will never let me go, he lost too many ships and soldiers to give up without his prize." The gray intensified, squeezing her black spots. "If you die with me on this planet, your species might abandon Irisa forever.
"My chances of hiding in the mountains are slim, but they exist... and even if I fail I will distract them long enough for you to flee."
Her body blended with the surroundings again and Nathan felt that she was about to do something stupid, but he moved faster and grabbed her shoulders, forcing her to bend her legs and join him on the ground as she stared at him with wide eyes.
"To hell with this self-sacrifice bullshit." Nathan finally decided what he would do. "Do you think I will die that easy? Guess what, you’re wrong." His hands moved from her shoulder to her back and he embraced her. "Let me tell you what we'll do, we take the MLBCS, we find a clearing, and we go to the space station." He released her and added, almost crazily. "You go with me even if I have to drag you by the tail as you scratch me, you hear me?"
He was not kidding; he grabbed her tail with his left hand, leaving her exterior filled with colors ranging from purple to yellow.
Amara was about to reply when the tent produced a thud noise, sounding as if someone had knocked on a cardboard box. When they turned to the side, there was a tiny hole in the tent dangerously close to Amara's head.
She touched the hole with her finger, and then her whole hand pressed against the side of her head, staring at him without saying a word.
Nathan's heart skipped a beat when he realized what had just happened, and consumed by a rage like he never felt before, he pressed the cylinder of his revolver back into place with just the four bullets inside, pulling back the harmer.
This time there was no hesitation, he quickly stood up and used the infrared view mode to survey the now organized groups of Irisians who had taken a defensive formation, choosing as target an Irisian who had climbed a tree and was pointing a long gun at them.
In just a moment Nathan aimed and pulled the trigger, firing one round after another. The first two missed completely, but the others hit the tree right above the target, making this Irisian panic and release his claws from the wood, only to welcome an ugly fall on the rocks below from several meters above the ground.
He took cover again immediately, but this time noise as if he was facing heavy rain under an umbrella struck his eardrums moments after he had taken cover, making him wince every time he heard the distinct noise of a projectile going through one wall of the tent and stopping the other.
With her tail still among his fingers, Nathan and Amara exchanged several anxious glances as the shooting persisted, only calming down when the rebels realized they were wasting ammunition and the barrage of fire slowly started to lose momentum.
Nathan's heart was racing and she was going through all tones of purple when she broke the silence.
"Fine!" She spoke fast. "If you are being so adamant about tying our fates together, we can do it your way." Her tail escaped his grip, but instead of pulling it back, she coiled it around his wrist. "But we are weaker together, Nathan. I will be a burden to you when you run, and you will be a burden to me when we hide."
"Oh, to hell with that too." Despite his harsh words, just knowing that they were on the same page now was enough to give him some hope. "Sorry. I do all the running and you do all the hiding, does that work for you?"
He didn't wait for her reply and loaded the gun again, this time doing it very fast even though his hands were still shaking.
"You do all the running? I fail to understand you." She said as she stood up to take a peek at the enemies, just to recoil in fear and add, "Explain yourself fast, they are losing the fear of your loud gun."
"Sure." He grasped his backpack bottom and overturned it, emptying its contents in a quick motion. With all the items on the ground, Nathan only took the MLBCS and the little box with his drones that he promptly stored in his pocket. "We won't need any of that, which means my back will be free."
"Are you crazy, I am too heavy f-"
"You're not." Nathan was 6′3″, and he had the nanites ensuring he was as healthy as a human could be. This meant that the short Amara—the top of her head only reaching a little below his shoulder—was not a challenging weight for him to carry given her slender body.
Noticing the doubt in her gaze, he lowered his body even more, turning his back towards her in a way it would be easy for her to climb, hoping this would be all the push she needed.
"You take pleasure in testing my trust, do you not?" The tone of her voice hinted at her reluctance, but she still draped her arms over his shoulder, securing her grip in a way her claws wouldn't hurt him.
Even though they had a plan now, Nathan still felt a chill down his spine at the thought of what he would have to do. And despite knowing that he had taken everything he needed, he anxiously patted down his pocket the make sure the box with the drones was there and remembered to take a handful of bullets, filling up his pockets as some of them fell to the ground.
"Ready?" He asked, trying to sound confident.
"See for yourself." Her tail wrapped around his belly, full of tiny black spots surrounded by purple as far as he could see.
Nathan took a few deep breaths and stood up, getting a glimpse of the many groups that were advancing from both sides, trying to surround them.
It didn't even take him a full second before he started firing his revolver indiscriminately at them while his legs moved on their own, not even waiting for his eyes to decide which path he would take.
Amara's weight escaped his thoughts completely, replaced by the fear evoked by the faint noise of metal breaking the sound barrier around them as soon they left the protection of the tent.
He didn't spare a single glance behind, running downhill at full throttle with bursts of adrenalin fueling his speed. He outran the reach of their guns quite fast, hurdling fallen brunches and putting not only distance but also several tree trunks between them and the hostile force behind.
With Amara's solid grip and occasional shifting of her weight to prove that she was fine, Nathan kept his pace as his muscles burned with exertion.
For a little over ten minutes he kept going, jumping over protruding roots and ducking beneath low-hanging branches. But this couldn't go on forever and eventually, he stopped to catch his breath, bending forward and letting go of items in his hand as Amara released her grip to stand on her own two feet.
His breath was coming in ragged bursts, but that didn't keep him from starting to laugh as he stared at her, whose eyes were gentle and her entire body was filled with hints of yellow.
In a split-second though, her whole demeanor changed, all the yellow giving way to purple and red.
She asked a single question, "Is that device of yours supposed to release smoke?"
The tip of her tail was pointing at the MLBCS, which now had a small hole in it from where a whisp of smoke curled upwards, just like a candle after its flame had been extinguished.
Nathan shook his head and touched his forehead; a single word left his mouth, "Fuck."
***
This was an account based on what Nathan did during the first hour of the war. The previous narrative is based on the events of the morning of the twentieth day of the exploratory mission of Irisa. According to your current settings, no queries will be suggested.
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Tell me why when Shawn and Jules finally realise their complete and utter love for each other, it's when Jules is in a relationship?
Dude I like this show. It's not as captivating as Monk or as funny as Brooklyn Nine-Nine. But I love playing it in the background. The characters are strategically designed to all bounce off each other, like a good satire detective show should.
Shawn Spencer. Hiding his insecurities behind many rolls of movie references and his relentless sense of humour. Using his intellect to put himself and his best friend in adrenaline inducing, sometimes dangerous, situations. He's a junky for the epicly new and challenging, and an addict for, dare I say, hot blondes. Though let's face it, he's a dog that'll rub anything the wrong way. It should also be mentioned, he's a complete fraud, a compulsive liar and a trauma filled donut of chaotic proportions with a flair for the dramatic. Unconventional and slightly uncouth, but very charming and easy on the eyes.
IN COMPARISON
Juliet A.K.A Detective O'Hara, a beautiful, socially awkward mess of try hard insecurity and compassionate incompetence. She's your straight A student, a gorgeous athlete who couldn't melt butter in her mouth... until you meet her. Juliet has scotsman blood, which means a wild side where she releases all her crazies and built up aggression from being nice all the damn time, to everyone. How do you do it, detective? She is forgiving, head strong, slightly unstable and incredibly organized. I do believe in Jules life, there is a place for everything, and everyone. Transparent, empathetic, a risk taker and loyal when it counts.
Except when she finally has a boyfriend.
Charming, rich, awkward and a little weird. He really likes her. It's like if Shawn applied himself and wasn't a complete dick. But obviously Shawns badassery far outweighs this mans stability because her and Shawn JUST KISSED.
But this isn't just a kiss. This is Juliet realising she doesn't want to be with anyone else. This is Shawn realising just how stupid he is that he let her get away and how bad he really wants her. This is big. Juliet's a blonde, but she's not a cheater. If Shawn had just made his move before, she wouldn't have considered anyone else. But Jules doesn't wait around for just anyone.
I guess it wouldn't be satisfying to just hand over the clearly destined relationship. But I'm a little disappointed that they portrayed her as kinda floosy when the whole show, she has been nothing but loyal. She waited 7 hours for a man that never showed, a man she hadn't seen in 7 years. She told Shawn to save Abigail despite knowing she would probably die. She stood by Carltons side when all the odds were against him on an investigation for murder.
But Shawn and Jules realise their mistakes through an impulsive kiss, while she's in a new relationship?! I don't think so.
They did Jules dirty, Jules ain't a cheater. I call for a rewrite. It can be argued that Shawn emotionally cheated on Abigail. But that's pulling straws. He made boundaries, he prioritized Abigail, and he sure as heck didn't kiss Jules while in the relationship. He's unjustifiably perverted but he's not a cheat.
And yet,
Screw that rich guy, lets go O'Hara and Spencer💣❤️‍🔥

I work alone in a machining shop on 2nd shift. I primarily run one machine while maintaining 3 mostly autonomous machines. Anyways, from a distance, I heard one of the autonomous machines make a new sound, and I immediately snapped my head and said “Curious”. And not even in my normal voice. Just like a synth would.
Apologies in advanced if this is a waste of a post, I just thought it was funny. I’ve been playing Fallout a lot lately.