Quote about phony people
Classic lines from other posts
2011.09.13 01:56 keraneuology Classic lines from other posts
This reddit was inspired by a post by The_Big_Salad - when I read "mystery cloth on the guy's head turns out to be his underwear" I knew it had to be done.
2010.02.11 04:07 Pr0gramm3r Video Editing (non professionals)
This subreddit is geared towards hobby/amateur editor. We have a professional sister sub /editors - and an "Ask a Pro" thread there for aspirational (but professional) questions.
2017.08.19 09:30 The Meta Evolves
This is sub is dedicated to the animal players of the game Outside
2024.05.22 03:37 jl_theprofessor Quick notes on Christian Theology and Imagery
This is a discussion about Christian theology. There's some real obvious stuff I discuss up top, and some more arcane stuff later, namely the Doctrine of the Serpent Seed and the View of Felix Culpa. Feel free to jump to those if you don't want a rehash of all the Jesus/Satan parallels in the trailers but I think it's worth a refresh.
Relationships
Miquella is Marika's child. Messmer is Marika's child. The first comes from the world's Golden Order and the second from the Land of Shadow. The gameplay trailer has Messmer referring to "mother" and doesn't say Marika's name directly but she's the most likely candidate to sanction someone becoming a Lord since it's her order that was last in existence.
Christ and Satan
Miquella and Messmer take center stage in the gameplay trailer and both are referenced heavily throughout. If you have the Grace of Gold, you won't meet death. That's a promise of Marika's since within the Golden Order the Rune of Death has been removed. People return to the Erdtree. In contrast, Messmer says "Those stripped of the Grace of Gold shall all meet death in the embrace of Messmer's flame." So to be graced means salvation, and to not be means destruction. Heaven, hell, with Miquella aligned with the salvation aspect and Messmer aligned with the destruction aspect.
So Miquella is pretty heavily aligned with Christ. Miquella's rune blatantly looks like a cross, evoking Christ. The gameplay trailer says he "wields love to shrive clean the hearts of men." To shrive in Christian practice is to hear a confession and absolve a person of their sin. Christ in the Bible is described as a Christian's High Priest who wipes clean a person's heart.
But the most important words here are from the story trailer which says, "Miquella would abandon everything. His golden flesh, his blinding strength. Even his fate." So the motif here parallels Phillippians 2, which says about Jesus, "Who, being in very nature[a] God, did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage; rather, he made himself nothing by taking the very nature[b] of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to death—even death on a cross!" Here we have both casting off divinity.
In contrast, and as noted above, Messmer is aligned with Satan in a lot of ways. There's the quote that his fire destroys those not graced by gold, similar to how hellfire is the destruction of the unsaved. There's also the snake imagery, and the fire motif.
The Doctrine of the Serpent Seed
Alright so now for the first doctrine. The story trailer says that in the beginning, there was "The seduction and the betrayal." The story of the Garden of Eden often references Eve being seduced not necessarily sexually but by the allure of becoming a god. The Old King James version specifically says, "Your eyes shall be open, and you shall be as gods." So we have an initial parallel here of this moment being when both Marika and Eve become as gods because of their affair.
For Eve it wasn't a sexual affair, and it might not have been Marika's either. But there's a lot happening in that trailer that evokes sexuality and actual birth, including two images of what looks like the vulva and a birthing canal.
At any rate, the trailer then says this was "An affair from which Gold arose. And so too was Shadow born." So this act of Marika's brings both salvation and destruction. Those blessed by Gold had the prospect of life eternal, while those left in the Shadows faced destruction.
In the Doctrine of the Serpent Seed, it is believed that Eve first had sex with the snake before she had sex with Adam. Her affair with the snake gave birth to Cain, while her relationship with Adam gave birth to Abel and Seth. This doctrine marks the descendants of Cain versus Adam/Seth as two different races of human beings. The first was the wicked descendants of the snake who was cursed to be damned, while the second was the righteous who were bound to have eternal life. And we see in the trailers that Marika's decisions, like Eve, produced two outcomes with a group of the damned and a group of the saved.
And, of course, throughout Elden Ring, the snake is associated with wickedness and a betrayal to the Erdtree, such as with the Duelist Helm, which explicitly states, "The snake is viewed as a traitor to the Erdtree."
Am I saying Marika slept with god like snake? Maybe. If Messmer is the product of that, he is a reflection of Cain and what Cain represents. Adam and Seth, meanwhile, are two bloodlines similar to how Marika/Radagon has two lines through the Godfrey/Rennala partnerships.
The Doctrine of the Serpent Seed says that history is defined by the conflict between these two races and that one day the descendants of Adam will crush the descendants of the Serpent. I'll just say here that Messmer's got snakes coming out of him and I thought think he gets that from Rennala or Godfrey.
The View of Felix Culpa
Felix Culpa in Christian theology means "happy fault," "blessed fall" or "fortunate fall." In Christian theology, it refers to how the Fall of man brought the unexpected benefit of also allowing for mankind to know and understand the saving grace of Christ. I like the Doctrine of the Serpent Seed more but this one may have some application. I say that because the story trailer says that there was a negative event, a seduction and betrayal, but that this allowed for Gold to arise.
So the story trailer notes that despite the evil that came of this seduction and betrayal, there was also the grace of Gold that arose from it and the eternal life that accompanied it. There is the original salvation offered in the grace of Gold. But the image released from Bandai Namco says that Miquella "abandon(ed) Grace in pursuit of something greater." From a Christian theological perspective, there were two methods of redemption used in human history. The first was the use of the animal sacrifice as practiced historically by the Jewish community. Later, there was the sacrifice of Christ that brought a permanent removal of sin. It sounds crass to describe it as an "upgraded" form of forgiveness but that's the most basic way to put it.
So the unfortunate consequence of Marika's actions also birthed the path to the ultimate form of salvation not even in her original design, but through Miquella's sacrificing of his own divinity in pursuit of something greater.
In the end, I think there's a nice little resonance between the Doctrine of the Serpent Seed and Felix Culpa going on in the trailer.
submitted by jl_theprofessor to EldenRingLoreTalk [link] [comments]
Relationships
Miquella is Marika's child. Messmer is Marika's child. The first comes from the world's Golden Order and the second from the Land of Shadow. The gameplay trailer has Messmer referring to "mother" and doesn't say Marika's name directly but she's the most likely candidate to sanction someone becoming a Lord since it's her order that was last in existence.
Christ and Satan
Miquella and Messmer take center stage in the gameplay trailer and both are referenced heavily throughout. If you have the Grace of Gold, you won't meet death. That's a promise of Marika's since within the Golden Order the Rune of Death has been removed. People return to the Erdtree. In contrast, Messmer says "Those stripped of the Grace of Gold shall all meet death in the embrace of Messmer's flame." So to be graced means salvation, and to not be means destruction. Heaven, hell, with Miquella aligned with the salvation aspect and Messmer aligned with the destruction aspect.
So Miquella is pretty heavily aligned with Christ. Miquella's rune blatantly looks like a cross, evoking Christ. The gameplay trailer says he "wields love to shrive clean the hearts of men." To shrive in Christian practice is to hear a confession and absolve a person of their sin. Christ in the Bible is described as a Christian's High Priest who wipes clean a person's heart.
But the most important words here are from the story trailer which says, "Miquella would abandon everything. His golden flesh, his blinding strength. Even his fate." So the motif here parallels Phillippians 2, which says about Jesus, "Who, being in very nature[a] God, did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage; rather, he made himself nothing by taking the very nature[b] of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to death—even death on a cross!" Here we have both casting off divinity.
In contrast, and as noted above, Messmer is aligned with Satan in a lot of ways. There's the quote that his fire destroys those not graced by gold, similar to how hellfire is the destruction of the unsaved. There's also the snake imagery, and the fire motif.
The Doctrine of the Serpent Seed
Alright so now for the first doctrine. The story trailer says that in the beginning, there was "The seduction and the betrayal." The story of the Garden of Eden often references Eve being seduced not necessarily sexually but by the allure of becoming a god. The Old King James version specifically says, "Your eyes shall be open, and you shall be as gods." So we have an initial parallel here of this moment being when both Marika and Eve become as gods because of their affair.
For Eve it wasn't a sexual affair, and it might not have been Marika's either. But there's a lot happening in that trailer that evokes sexuality and actual birth, including two images of what looks like the vulva and a birthing canal.
At any rate, the trailer then says this was "An affair from which Gold arose. And so too was Shadow born." So this act of Marika's brings both salvation and destruction. Those blessed by Gold had the prospect of life eternal, while those left in the Shadows faced destruction.
In the Doctrine of the Serpent Seed, it is believed that Eve first had sex with the snake before she had sex with Adam. Her affair with the snake gave birth to Cain, while her relationship with Adam gave birth to Abel and Seth. This doctrine marks the descendants of Cain versus Adam/Seth as two different races of human beings. The first was the wicked descendants of the snake who was cursed to be damned, while the second was the righteous who were bound to have eternal life. And we see in the trailers that Marika's decisions, like Eve, produced two outcomes with a group of the damned and a group of the saved.
And, of course, throughout Elden Ring, the snake is associated with wickedness and a betrayal to the Erdtree, such as with the Duelist Helm, which explicitly states, "The snake is viewed as a traitor to the Erdtree."
Am I saying Marika slept with god like snake? Maybe. If Messmer is the product of that, he is a reflection of Cain and what Cain represents. Adam and Seth, meanwhile, are two bloodlines similar to how Marika/Radagon has two lines through the Godfrey/Rennala partnerships.
The Doctrine of the Serpent Seed says that history is defined by the conflict between these two races and that one day the descendants of Adam will crush the descendants of the Serpent. I'll just say here that Messmer's got snakes coming out of him and I thought think he gets that from Rennala or Godfrey.
The View of Felix Culpa
Felix Culpa in Christian theology means "happy fault," "blessed fall" or "fortunate fall." In Christian theology, it refers to how the Fall of man brought the unexpected benefit of also allowing for mankind to know and understand the saving grace of Christ. I like the Doctrine of the Serpent Seed more but this one may have some application. I say that because the story trailer says that there was a negative event, a seduction and betrayal, but that this allowed for Gold to arise.
So the story trailer notes that despite the evil that came of this seduction and betrayal, there was also the grace of Gold that arose from it and the eternal life that accompanied it. There is the original salvation offered in the grace of Gold. But the image released from Bandai Namco says that Miquella "abandon(ed) Grace in pursuit of something greater." From a Christian theological perspective, there were two methods of redemption used in human history. The first was the use of the animal sacrifice as practiced historically by the Jewish community. Later, there was the sacrifice of Christ that brought a permanent removal of sin. It sounds crass to describe it as an "upgraded" form of forgiveness but that's the most basic way to put it.
So the unfortunate consequence of Marika's actions also birthed the path to the ultimate form of salvation not even in her original design, but through Miquella's sacrificing of his own divinity in pursuit of something greater.
In the end, I think there's a nice little resonance between the Doctrine of the Serpent Seed and Felix Culpa going on in the trailer.
2024.05.22 02:55 UmbralikesOwls Making Bible verses and quotes on videos not related to God and Christianity
Ok so I do want to say I'm Christian. I'm not talking about videos that are related to Christianity, birth, or loss or anything like that. If you mention God in a video not related to Christianity (like saying "you need God/Jesus Christ", quoting one of the 10 commandments on something someone did illegally or something like that), then that's ok.
What I find annoying is watching a video that's completely unrelated to God or Christianity (ex: a cartoon, TV show, animatic, etc) and people just randomly come on and start writing essays of Bible verses. If it's a comment trend on YT and someone randomly comes in and writes a Bible verse, that honestly annoys me. It's ok if you want to spread word about our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, but not every single damn video needs your Bible verse comment.
Not everyone believes in God just like how not everyone believes something from other religion...or even if they're atheist. Not everyone who watches a video is looking to read a Bible verse in the comments
submitted by UmbralikesOwls to PetPeeves [link] [comments]
What I find annoying is watching a video that's completely unrelated to God or Christianity (ex: a cartoon, TV show, animatic, etc) and people just randomly come on and start writing essays of Bible verses. If it's a comment trend on YT and someone randomly comes in and writes a Bible verse, that honestly annoys me. It's ok if you want to spread word about our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, but not every single damn video needs your Bible verse comment.
Not everyone believes in God just like how not everyone believes something from other religion...or even if they're atheist. Not everyone who watches a video is looking to read a Bible verse in the comments
2024.05.22 02:39 kazmir_tyd Mike Zeroh makes up fake quotes from Amandla Stenberg
 | I always knew Mike Zeroh was a clickbaiter and grifter but the fact that he literally makes up fake quotes that fit his narrative and presents them to his gullible audience like they are real just pisses me off. Because of him, people are going to hate on Amandla over something she never even said. I notice that he did the same thing to Lesly Headland. Completely made up quotes that he probably wrote himself. submitted by kazmir_tyd to saltierthankrayt [link] [comments] I figured this out when I saw his latest video on Amandla Stenberg and decided to look up what she said on Google because it just didn’t sound like something she would say. Sure enough, there was absolutely nothing to find. This video is pure slander just like most of his videos. Something needs to be done about this. |
2024.05.22 02:25 ArchangelM7777 Update s+ New Character: I updated Hocus's and Chameli's of the character's sheets. OC Character: Flueric the Demon (Suggestion given by u/YoshiBink), Feel free to use him in other Fanart and/or Fanfiction. Just cite this post please. Also please be kind, I worked hard on this.
 | submitted by ArchangelM7777 to theamazingdigitalciru [link] [comments] |
2024.05.22 02:24 ArchangelM7777 Update s+ New Character: I updated Hocus's and Chameli's of the character's sheets. OC Character: Flueric the Demon (Suggestion given by u/YoshiBink), Feel free to use him in other Fanart and/or Fanfiction. Just cite this post please. Also please be kind, I worked hard on this.
 | submitted by ArchangelM7777 to TheAmazingDigitalCirc [link] [comments] |
2024.05.22 02:20 CyanideLovesong Speculations on Klaus Schwab 'stepping back from executive role'
Klaus Schwab is 'stepping back from his executive role' in the WEF ( https://www.cnbc.com/2024/05/21/world-economic-forum-davos-founder-klaus-schwab-to-step-back-from-executive-role.html )
He was used at the end of his position in a very strange way. All those terrible quotes and seeing him looking like an evil Darth Vader type... that was really strange.
I never could figure out how making WEF seem so villainous served their goals...
Now it's obvious they knew he could be used that way since he would be out before long anyway. But what was the point of it?
I've always speculated that the complete and total absurdity associated with everything related to "Covid" and the push for the vaccines was so they would target a very specific demographic:
Here were some clues:
It's not. This is the sad truth no matter how upset it makes anyone. It is what it is, and we were all attacked from within by our own governments...
And there's something critical about the way Klaus Schwab intentionally played the part of a cartoon evil villain. They didn't cast him that way and dress him up like a Space Invader for nothing. That played a role in this psychological operation -- it's just hard to tell precisely what.
For those of us who pay attention, it will likely become clear later -- as most people (from the first list) are caught up in the next Current Thing. Those who haven't yet succumbed to the long term effects of what was done to them. One of the most profitable mass poisonings in history.
(You may have noticed Pfizer & Moderna heavily investing in treatments for cancer and heart problems. This is no coincidence.)
PS. For the coincidence theorists out there -- don't forget that in the court of law people are convicted based on 'coincidences' and 'circumstantial evidence' all the time. Here in California juries are ordered to treat circumstantial evidence on the same level as direct evidence. When a series of coincidences add up to form a pattern -- they aren't coincidences anymore. And we're WAY past that point now.
But will they ever be held accountable? No, the naive & weak who allowed (and even encouraged) them to do this would rather stand in their defense than to admit they were wrong and hold them accountable. And that is probably why they were targeted in the first place. "Useless eaters" as Klaus Schwab's right hand man called him. (Their words, not mine.)
submitted by CyanideLovesong to HermanCainDebate [link] [comments]
He was used at the end of his position in a very strange way. All those terrible quotes and seeing him looking like an evil Darth Vader type... that was really strange.
I never could figure out how making WEF seem so villainous served their goals...
Now it's obvious they knew he could be used that way since he would be out before long anyway. But what was the point of it?
I've always speculated that the complete and total absurdity associated with everything related to "Covid" and the push for the vaccines was so they would target a very specific demographic:
- Gullible/naive people
- Unintelligent people
- Follower types
- People with no backbone or ability to resist peer pressure
- People who would harm themselves and their own families for 'the greater good'
- People who would turn against their own kind
- Weak people unable to withstand hardship
- Addicted consumers who would shoot up a needle directly in their body in order to keep consuming nonstop
Here were some clues:
- Widespread censorship of citizen thoughts and opinions
- Widespread censorship (and worse) for people in the science/medical community
- Constant assertion of easily disprovable lies
- Insane & bizarre measures to coerce people
- Economic things that made no sense
- Sending sick people as young as 20 into nursing homes even though the hospitals had already been emptied (and then censoring anyone who showed others that the hospitals were empty)
- Blatantly exaggerating risk in obvious ways (testing only sick people in order to claim a high IFR)
- Pushing the PCR test to a whopping 45+ cycles (a test that will detect anything with a high enough cycle threshold)
- Making sure we knew that the people on the inside weren't following their own orders (elite/politicians had large unmasked parties, non-stop footage of authorities not wearing masks but pulling them up for the camera and off right after, etc., newscasters peddling fear vacationing maskless around crowded pools in Florida and other places that reopened or never shut down) etc.
- Pushing unhealthy lifestyles, division, and hate during a time we were supposedly in "the worst pandemic of our lives"
- Using expected deaths to trick people into thinking the death count was unexpectedly high. (~80 years ago began a massive global ~25 year baby boom. You can't have a baby boom without a death boom later on -- it's simple math. Anyone that explained this was shamed, censored, and banned.)
- Intentionally death protocols -- separating people from their families and then administrating medications that killed them
- Blocking treatments that appeared to work
- Encouraging people to go out in the streets and protest in crowds while simultaneously shaming others for stepping outdoors
- Arresting people for harmless activities, like walking their dog, being alone at a beach, or fishing at a pond, etc.
- Lying about the shots being "approved" when they never were, and when called on it they said, "Well the approved shots are the same as what's being given to people so that's good enough!" Without telling them that they would be excluded from the National Vaccine Injury Compensation Program(!) ... And for the few who bothered to look it up, they claimed there was a "Countermeasures Program" to
- Bold, blatant lies, coverups, and censorship with regard to vaccine side efficacy, adverse events, and death.
It's not. This is the sad truth no matter how upset it makes anyone. It is what it is, and we were all attacked from within by our own governments...
And there's something critical about the way Klaus Schwab intentionally played the part of a cartoon evil villain. They didn't cast him that way and dress him up like a Space Invader for nothing. That played a role in this psychological operation -- it's just hard to tell precisely what.
For those of us who pay attention, it will likely become clear later -- as most people (from the first list) are caught up in the next Current Thing. Those who haven't yet succumbed to the long term effects of what was done to them. One of the most profitable mass poisonings in history.
(You may have noticed Pfizer & Moderna heavily investing in treatments for cancer and heart problems. This is no coincidence.)
PS. For the coincidence theorists out there -- don't forget that in the court of law people are convicted based on 'coincidences' and 'circumstantial evidence' all the time. Here in California juries are ordered to treat circumstantial evidence on the same level as direct evidence. When a series of coincidences add up to form a pattern -- they aren't coincidences anymore. And we're WAY past that point now.
But will they ever be held accountable? No, the naive & weak who allowed (and even encouraged) them to do this would rather stand in their defense than to admit they were wrong and hold them accountable. And that is probably why they were targeted in the first place. "Useless eaters" as Klaus Schwab's right hand man called him. (Their words, not mine.)
2024.05.22 02:08 kimvette This is not about work
I want to stress that this is not about work. It's about a stupid gaming club.
First, I'm detoxing from Facebook; here I can tailor my news feed more so I am not innundated with Maganazi stuff.
Second, the thing is:
You can't fire someone who quit and you invited back but they were stalling and waiting for you to hold up your end of the bargain, and to cut out the snide, condescending shit. You're not convincing anyone to come back with that when you haven't addressed the underlying issue. You thought you were testing me. You were wrong. January I was testing the org, and the org failed, and it was a continuation of a pattern.
Third, once I was reminded I quit, and cannot be fired, and that whether or not Trump and the Maganazi wins in November, all the stress, hurt, and sadness was gone. When I was a Christian I practiced "No one steals my joy." Although I am now an athiest, because I see no evidence on the part of evangelicals that they even believe in the god they profess (the evidence Jeebus promised believers would show is love for their neighbor), I will continue to keep an open mind, and I will let no one steal my joy.
I'm sticking to my committment to stay off of Facebook as a general rule until July, or sometime in July, just to get a good long break from Maganazi bullshit, but know this if you're stalking me, and I know you are:
I admit, you get me down for a few months, but I remembered I quit, you invited me back and I hadn't yet accepted because you did none of your agreed parts, and added snideness and condescension to it, and I did flinch and let it get me down. No more. Fuck off, because I have my joy back and I rest knowing that although I said things in a way I regretted, I do not regret what I said, but only how I said it.
I gave a lot, but was always treated as an outsider. You know, in your heart of hearts, that this is absolutely ttrue. Especially you - the micromanaging one I thought was a friend - especially you because I had expressed concerns and pain last Autumn and last summer. There is a bias, and I regret giving and donating so much, and being one of the people who kept things somewhat active through covid, and being one of the givers rather than one of the takers. The mark of a leader is a servant attitude, and is why I was such a successful team lead that after I went whistle-blower, half or more of my team followed me. I know I am a good leader buy I also don't shy away from calling bullshit. We had conversations about the bias, and you never even tried to see it. I was always an outsider and shame on me for putting sp much in. I wanted to play at the highest levels and my skills have only improved since, but I won't deal with that bias from an allegedly-inclusive club
The ongoing culture war in the real world is more than enough to be pained. I wanted the game to be an escape from being collateral damage innthe anti-trans culture war. I initially thought it was because I was a newbie pre-covid, but since have realized there is a definite bias because amab intersex and trans people don't stick around past a few sessions so it isn't imagined, and it really didn't get better last season. Which leads us to:
The thing in January preceding my quitting was a litmus test. if we were on better terms I'd explain to you yet again, but you're unwilling to listen, in your hubris, and my favorite quote aside, there is no point in talking to a wall. Keep talking when both sides are willing to not just listen, but to hear. You made it clear you will not hear.
You were another brick in the wall, but I am tearing the wall back down. I'm not going back behind an emotional wall after all; i got the joy back that you tried to rob me of.
Remember, you invited me back. You can't fire someone who quit your game, and your games.
submitted by kimvette to u/kimvette [link] [comments]
First, I'm detoxing from Facebook; here I can tailor my news feed more so I am not innundated with Maganazi stuff.
Second, the thing is:
You can't fire someone who quit and you invited back but they were stalling and waiting for you to hold up your end of the bargain, and to cut out the snide, condescending shit. You're not convincing anyone to come back with that when you haven't addressed the underlying issue. You thought you were testing me. You were wrong. January I was testing the org, and the org failed, and it was a continuation of a pattern.
Third, once I was reminded I quit, and cannot be fired, and that whether or not Trump and the Maganazi wins in November, all the stress, hurt, and sadness was gone. When I was a Christian I practiced "No one steals my joy." Although I am now an athiest, because I see no evidence on the part of evangelicals that they even believe in the god they profess (the evidence Jeebus promised believers would show is love for their neighbor), I will continue to keep an open mind, and I will let no one steal my joy.
I'm sticking to my committment to stay off of Facebook as a general rule until July, or sometime in July, just to get a good long break from Maganazi bullshit, but know this if you're stalking me, and I know you are:
I admit, you get me down for a few months, but I remembered I quit, you invited me back and I hadn't yet accepted because you did none of your agreed parts, and added snideness and condescension to it, and I did flinch and let it get me down. No more. Fuck off, because I have my joy back and I rest knowing that although I said things in a way I regretted, I do not regret what I said, but only how I said it.
I gave a lot, but was always treated as an outsider. You know, in your heart of hearts, that this is absolutely ttrue. Especially you - the micromanaging one I thought was a friend - especially you because I had expressed concerns and pain last Autumn and last summer. There is a bias, and I regret giving and donating so much, and being one of the people who kept things somewhat active through covid, and being one of the givers rather than one of the takers. The mark of a leader is a servant attitude, and is why I was such a successful team lead that after I went whistle-blower, half or more of my team followed me. I know I am a good leader buy I also don't shy away from calling bullshit. We had conversations about the bias, and you never even tried to see it. I was always an outsider and shame on me for putting sp much in. I wanted to play at the highest levels and my skills have only improved since, but I won't deal with that bias from an allegedly-inclusive club
The ongoing culture war in the real world is more than enough to be pained. I wanted the game to be an escape from being collateral damage innthe anti-trans culture war. I initially thought it was because I was a newbie pre-covid, but since have realized there is a definite bias because amab intersex and trans people don't stick around past a few sessions so it isn't imagined, and it really didn't get better last season. Which leads us to:
The thing in January preceding my quitting was a litmus test. if we were on better terms I'd explain to you yet again, but you're unwilling to listen, in your hubris, and my favorite quote aside, there is no point in talking to a wall. Keep talking when both sides are willing to not just listen, but to hear. You made it clear you will not hear.
You were another brick in the wall, but I am tearing the wall back down. I'm not going back behind an emotional wall after all; i got the joy back that you tried to rob me of.
Remember, you invited me back. You can't fire someone who quit your game, and your games.
2024.05.22 02:00 sillygoose14456838 existential ocd? help!
i posted this on the ocd forum but just joined here. wanted to get some comfort. i feel so ungrounded because my brain has been saying “no matter what anyone says, you are alone, they are fale, and everything is fake.”
here it goes!! :
Hi! I’m a 21F and have had OCD since about 8th grade. I also have Panic Attacks and Anxiety. I was on Lexapro for about a year, then got off in October. This is important because I’ve heard getting off can make anxiety and everything else 10x worse once you hit that 4-6 month mark. I have had a mix of Harm, Relationship, Religious, Existential, Health, etc OCD, basically my whole life. I also had a weird hyperawareness of being in first person, and everything looking like teeny tiny particles in 8th grade, not sure how it went away. I had a small period of time Freshman-Sophmore year of high school where I somehow managed to forget I had OCD?? Miss that tbh.
Anyways, starting about three months ago my anxiety started to SKY rocket. For context, my bf came back from a 7 month deployment, so that caused some weird stress/ excitement. I also had a VERY social life during, aka I was drinking steadily. It was during this I was getting off meds too, then fully off by December of last year. I had/ now have horrible panic, guilt, OCD, fear of living day to day because I had no idea what was/ is going on. I tried everything, cutting alcohol, confessing, vitamins, working out. The whole shabang. It never really went away. I had about one “normal week” because I had a super stressful situation occur that I think drew my attention away, but anyways, it came back full force and 10x worse. Basically, I have been in a constant state of derealization and hyper aware of my existence for the whole three months but SO powerful the last three weeks. Like WAY too aware. Here are what most of my thoughts are now: •••”Other people experience this too. What if I am the only real person though? So everything people say to help is fake and so are they.” •••’’What if I am truly alone?” •••’’Am I going to feel like this forever because I really don’t want to.” •••”No one else sees in first person and I am the only existing being.”
The first person view reaaalllllyyyy gets me and the thought of being truly alone, and everyone being fake. I get that that is just how it “is” but for some reason my brain isn’t taking that answer. I am so scared of everything now, of existing, of feeling this. I don’t get why it is happening to me. I know DR can come from high anxiety, and when that high anxiety started, I had just hit the four month mark of being off my meds. (Heard that anxiety symptoms after getting off meds can come back 10x worse after a while too) I just want to go back to being happy again. I’m starting back Lexapro soon (within the week) but I want this to go away. I want to love the life I had three months ago. Anyone else feel anything similar? Especially the fear of first person?
To leave this off, a youtuber who has went through something similar said this quote and it is me to a T. “I was so afraid of dying and death, but so unwanting to living like this.”
Also, I am doing ERP, plus starting that medication soon. I have been trying the acceptance of uncertainty and “so what?” thinking. I still hate this. I am a prisoner of my own mind, and existence. I used to love life and love and sadness and adventure and turmoil but it’s like a flip switched.
Help!!!
submitted by sillygoose14456838 to ExistentialOCD [link] [comments]
here it goes!! :
Hi! I’m a 21F and have had OCD since about 8th grade. I also have Panic Attacks and Anxiety. I was on Lexapro for about a year, then got off in October. This is important because I’ve heard getting off can make anxiety and everything else 10x worse once you hit that 4-6 month mark. I have had a mix of Harm, Relationship, Religious, Existential, Health, etc OCD, basically my whole life. I also had a weird hyperawareness of being in first person, and everything looking like teeny tiny particles in 8th grade, not sure how it went away. I had a small period of time Freshman-Sophmore year of high school where I somehow managed to forget I had OCD?? Miss that tbh.
Anyways, starting about three months ago my anxiety started to SKY rocket. For context, my bf came back from a 7 month deployment, so that caused some weird stress/ excitement. I also had a VERY social life during, aka I was drinking steadily. It was during this I was getting off meds too, then fully off by December of last year. I had/ now have horrible panic, guilt, OCD, fear of living day to day because I had no idea what was/ is going on. I tried everything, cutting alcohol, confessing, vitamins, working out. The whole shabang. It never really went away. I had about one “normal week” because I had a super stressful situation occur that I think drew my attention away, but anyways, it came back full force and 10x worse. Basically, I have been in a constant state of derealization and hyper aware of my existence for the whole three months but SO powerful the last three weeks. Like WAY too aware. Here are what most of my thoughts are now: •••”Other people experience this too. What if I am the only real person though? So everything people say to help is fake and so are they.” •••’’What if I am truly alone?” •••’’Am I going to feel like this forever because I really don’t want to.” •••”No one else sees in first person and I am the only existing being.”
The first person view reaaalllllyyyy gets me and the thought of being truly alone, and everyone being fake. I get that that is just how it “is” but for some reason my brain isn’t taking that answer. I am so scared of everything now, of existing, of feeling this. I don’t get why it is happening to me. I know DR can come from high anxiety, and when that high anxiety started, I had just hit the four month mark of being off my meds. (Heard that anxiety symptoms after getting off meds can come back 10x worse after a while too) I just want to go back to being happy again. I’m starting back Lexapro soon (within the week) but I want this to go away. I want to love the life I had three months ago. Anyone else feel anything similar? Especially the fear of first person?
To leave this off, a youtuber who has went through something similar said this quote and it is me to a T. “I was so afraid of dying and death, but so unwanting to living like this.”
Also, I am doing ERP, plus starting that medication soon. I have been trying the acceptance of uncertainty and “so what?” thinking. I still hate this. I am a prisoner of my own mind, and existence. I used to love life and love and sadness and adventure and turmoil but it’s like a flip switched.
Help!!!
2024.05.22 01:59 Fortinbrah If You're Interested in Dzogchen...
Somebody requested that I write down some resources for Dzogchen in the sidebar, so I thought I would do a post as well to give a sort of background and offer anyone else the chance to get in on the conversation or building of resources too...
But first,
With that in mind, I can maybe share a little bit about the secrecy aspect of what is called Vajrayana. Someone who learns about these practices but does not genuinely practice them can generate obstacles to their own awakening; specifically with Dzogchen, there is a real danger of intellectualizing the practice such that one covers over their own mind with a sheen of thoughts and fabrication, blocking one from advancing towards awakening. In that regard, this particular practice is called self secret. From what I know, many Lamas won't introduce one to the practice if they aren't sure the student has the capability to grasp it, and also - the student won't be able to practice it or understand it if they're not able to. But, to give some background, from what I understand the strongest indicator of capability to practice Dzogchen, is an interest in doing so.
On the subject of cults - I have to note that Dzogchen practice can be very personal, but that is not a license for any teacher to abuse you, in any form, ever. Things that happened in the past - students getting slapped, hit with shoes, etc. - happened in the past - but that doesn't make them appropriate teachings devices today. A genuinely compassionate teacher won't take advantage of your practice to abuse you, steal your money, degrade you, control you, or anything like that. If they try to - it is more likely that you've stumbled on a cult, and should get away as fast as you can.
As for what makes a good teacher - others have asked this question before, and u/krodha in particular has written out a good description many times, although I can't find the quote he usually uses unfortunately.
As far as general safety in the practice goes, Lama Lena has written this (and I'm shamelessly stealing it from her website):
"The responsibility to take care of your own mind rests with you; not the lama, not your mom, not your cat. So, take it upon yourself to be safe and use common sense."
Please, read that whole page and heed the warnings.
By chance, I happened to see a comment on Dzogchen from someone who basically said "If anyone is looking for pointing out, feel free to message me." So I sent them a message giving my general background and motivation for the practice, and they invited me to join them on meditationonline.org - which had been a place they'd been doing meditation for a few years (and still do, I suppose I'd consider myself part of that sangha). I happened to meet the individual who I'd been messaging, a Nyingma lama called Dawai Gocha, and received pointing out, along with teachings for the next few years... up until the present day.
My main practice now is Dzogchen - I gradually transitioned into this from Anapanasati over the course of about six months - and most of my sessions are now just me resting in awareness - Rigpa. I generally do augment this however with other practices, like Satipatthana, mantra recitation, and other practices from the three main vehicles, simply because I like to do them and find them helpful on the path.
Since the awareness nature is always present in every being, it is both simple to learn and simple to maintain the practice - being that one just simply is introduced to the awareness nature, and then abides in it at all times.
As far as being introduced to that awareness, in my experience there are many avenues, such as getting pointed out in person( verbally or non verbally), in visions, through texts, in dreams, etc. In one of her videos, Lama Lena goes through, I think, five different days that transmission/pointing out can happen.
But in my experience, getting pointing out, repeatedly and periodically, from a teacher is the most effective (and probably the most important) way to learn, like having someone coach you through riding a bicycle, until you finally internalize the fundamentals and are able ride on your own. Even someone that can check your progress, humble you, and keep you from common pitfalls, can be extremely helpful. Dzogchen, to me and from what I have read from e.g. Tulku Urgyen, is very simple, so simple that many people are able to miss it extremely easily. Whether we miss it because we're so worked up, or because we are subtly fabricating something and fixating on the fabrication - there is a miss, and from what I know, it's better to realize that than carry on doing whatever else. The harsh reality of Dzogchen practice is that fixation, because we're so habituated to it as human beings, is extremely easy, and being led astray by fixation means your meditation becomes a conditioned Samatha practice. On a lighter note though - from my perspective, one we learn to continually distinguish between Consciousness from Wisdom, we are on very solid ground, and it becomes easier and easier to recognize when we've become fixated.
On the subject of teachers - I would consider myself to have had many teachers. My main teacher, I mentioned before, is a lama I talk to live over the internet, but I would also say I've received teachings from recordings, from books, and in dreams. For clarity, I will state again: having a teacher that you can use to verify your practice is very important so as not to fall into common pitfalls. Whether you are confirming your experience through texts, reasoning, pointing out videos, whatever - doing it repeatedly will help because otherwise, as a beginner, one can be lost for minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, etc. without finding awareness again. I've seen people on Dzogchen who, unfortunately, even though they got pointing out from great teachers, were not able to full internalize the practice because they got lost in thoughts and then never were able to find recognize awareness again, and so need the pointing out once more. Others get the pointing out repeatedly - practice a lot, and attain good results over time. In that way, from my perspective, having continual access to the teachings is very important.
Fortunately, we live in a good time for this.
I'll get to recommend specifics later but - this is my perspective - although some people say that you can't get transmission over recordings or the internet, or from books - I actually do doubt that that is that case, just from experience. But, I must caution that all of my experience in this realm comes from after the point in time that I received live pointing out, so I would not take what I say as gospel. Once again, anything I say would defer to a knowledge and reputable teacher.
This all being said - regardless of how one feels at a specific time or place, there's no reason to ever refrain from confirming one's experience or view against the words of masters. There are others that have said this, who have more experience, but until we are Buddhas ourselves and phenomena have exhausted, there is no reason to ever stop practicing. Ever. If you are practicing, there is no need to make effort, and all phenomena will come and go without trouble until they are fully exhausted. Namkhai Norbu says almost exactly this in The Cycle of Day and Night.
It's taken a while to get here, my apologies for that.
For finding a teacher, I think any lama that has accomplished a three year retreat will be proficient in either Mahamudra or Dzogchen (both Atiyoga - subtle differenes but the same essential practice), and will likely be able to give pointing out instructions.
Not all may do so at first. Some may want a more personal relationship, some may require Ngondro, and some may say "sorry I don't really give those teachings". Some may require a baseline knowledge of the practice first - for example the Tergar program does.
That being said, there are many places to receive pointing out for free and in public.
Off the top of my head, I can name four that are always open and free: Lama Lena on Facebook and Youtube, The Rangdrol Foundation (run by the reddit user u/jigdrol), MeditationOnline.org, and The Pristine Mind Foundation . I know there are others, but at least to me on reddit and personally, these have been the most visible. I do know that Yongey Mingyur Rinpoche and James Low occasionally give pointing out instructions and videos on the practice. As well - many other lama do on occasion, and especially Bon lamas - practitioners and Yogis from the Tibetan Indigenous religion, through teachings series or classes. Some may even do so if you are able to get a phone call with them.
Personally, I recommend finding someone who you can learn from personally, and allowing them to teach you whatever they can.
Edit: Here is a recent list of online teachers compiled by Dzogchen
Lama Lena Dzogchen Youtube Videos
Lama Lena Introductory Videos
Meditation Online Videos (Almost all Dzogchen)
Once you've received pointing out, there are also numerous public books, and texts one can read to deepen their understanding and/or background in the teachings, a few of which I've read and can list below. I'll also try to find some links that I care share too.
Many texts on Dzogchen, Mahyana and Vajrayana in general can be found on the excellent Lotsawahouse.org
A list of a few books that I've read and can personally recommend. Please note - these books (with the exception of Transcending AFAIK) are best read after having received transmission:
The Cycle of Day and Night by Chogyal Namkhai Norbu
Dzogchen: Heart Essence of the Great Perfection by HH The Dalai Lama
Zurchungpa's Testament by Dilgo Khyentse Rinpoche
Vajra Heart Revisited by Tulku Urgyen Rinpoche
Transcending Ego: Distinguishing Consciousness from Wisdom by Thrangu Rinpoche
Also, I've not read the Trilogy of Rest by Longchenpa but heard that they're excellent.
Anyways, this about wraps up the post. If you have any questions or additional comments, they are very welcome. I wish all of your the very best of luck on your paths, and that all beings may reach enlightenment.
submitted by Fortinbrah to streamentry [link] [comments]
But first,
A Word on Secrecy, Safety Maturity, and Cults
I'm writing this post out by request of someone who messaged me, with the intention of reaching a wider audience, or all beings, who could benefit from learning about these teachings. I have to caution, though, that they may not be for everybody, and in that regard, I would advise gentleness, with yourself and others, with regards to this path. Please take care of yourself, and keep a measure of your own mind with regard to your mental health and these practices. I wish that those who read this post are only those who it may help, and I apologize preemptively to all those it may hurt, or if I've made any mistakes in my writing.With that in mind, I can maybe share a little bit about the secrecy aspect of what is called Vajrayana. Someone who learns about these practices but does not genuinely practice them can generate obstacles to their own awakening; specifically with Dzogchen, there is a real danger of intellectualizing the practice such that one covers over their own mind with a sheen of thoughts and fabrication, blocking one from advancing towards awakening. In that regard, this particular practice is called self secret. From what I know, many Lamas won't introduce one to the practice if they aren't sure the student has the capability to grasp it, and also - the student won't be able to practice it or understand it if they're not able to. But, to give some background, from what I understand the strongest indicator of capability to practice Dzogchen, is an interest in doing so.
On the subject of cults - I have to note that Dzogchen practice can be very personal, but that is not a license for any teacher to abuse you, in any form, ever. Things that happened in the past - students getting slapped, hit with shoes, etc. - happened in the past - but that doesn't make them appropriate teachings devices today. A genuinely compassionate teacher won't take advantage of your practice to abuse you, steal your money, degrade you, control you, or anything like that. If they try to - it is more likely that you've stumbled on a cult, and should get away as fast as you can.
As for what makes a good teacher - others have asked this question before, and u/krodha in particular has written out a good description many times, although I can't find the quote he usually uses unfortunately.
As far as general safety in the practice goes, Lama Lena has written this (and I'm shamelessly stealing it from her website):
"The responsibility to take care of your own mind rests with you; not the lama, not your mom, not your cat. So, take it upon yourself to be safe and use common sense."
Please, read that whole page and heed the warnings.
My Practice
I've been working with Dzogchen for about 3.5 years now, since approximately the end of 2020. I'd been interested in Mahayana practices for the better part of a decade before that, but mostly just practicing Samatha by the way of Anapanasati and Metta, and also through the framework provided by *The Mind Illuminated*. I had been curious about Dzogchen for a bit, mostly from reading about it on Wikipedia and just, in general, being interested in seeing what the fuss is surrounding vajrayana, tantra, and the "highest system" called Atiyoga.By chance, I happened to see a comment on Dzogchen from someone who basically said "If anyone is looking for pointing out, feel free to message me." So I sent them a message giving my general background and motivation for the practice, and they invited me to join them on meditationonline.org - which had been a place they'd been doing meditation for a few years (and still do, I suppose I'd consider myself part of that sangha). I happened to meet the individual who I'd been messaging, a Nyingma lama called Dawai Gocha, and received pointing out, along with teachings for the next few years... up until the present day.
My main practice now is Dzogchen - I gradually transitioned into this from Anapanasati over the course of about six months - and most of my sessions are now just me resting in awareness - Rigpa. I generally do augment this however with other practices, like Satipatthana, mantra recitation, and other practices from the three main vehicles, simply because I like to do them and find them helpful on the path.
What is Dzogchen?
I can't say anything that has not already been said by others, in particular, meditation masters with vastly more experience than I have - but to put it simply, Dzogchen practice can encompass a large number of different types of ancillary practices, and one central practice, which the ancillaries are meant to accomplish. The main practice is resting in the Rigpa.How to Learn
"Get pointing out instructions from a qualified teacher before embarking on Dzogchen and Mahamudra. A teacher can address pressing questions as they arise and give you a map and tools for the journey. As practitioners, we can rely on those who have hiked the trail before us." - Lama LenaSince the awareness nature is always present in every being, it is both simple to learn and simple to maintain the practice - being that one just simply is introduced to the awareness nature, and then abides in it at all times.
As far as being introduced to that awareness, in my experience there are many avenues, such as getting pointed out in person( verbally or non verbally), in visions, through texts, in dreams, etc. In one of her videos, Lama Lena goes through, I think, five different days that transmission/pointing out can happen.
But in my experience, getting pointing out, repeatedly and periodically, from a teacher is the most effective (and probably the most important) way to learn, like having someone coach you through riding a bicycle, until you finally internalize the fundamentals and are able ride on your own. Even someone that can check your progress, humble you, and keep you from common pitfalls, can be extremely helpful. Dzogchen, to me and from what I have read from e.g. Tulku Urgyen, is very simple, so simple that many people are able to miss it extremely easily. Whether we miss it because we're so worked up, or because we are subtly fabricating something and fixating on the fabrication - there is a miss, and from what I know, it's better to realize that than carry on doing whatever else. The harsh reality of Dzogchen practice is that fixation, because we're so habituated to it as human beings, is extremely easy, and being led astray by fixation means your meditation becomes a conditioned Samatha practice. On a lighter note though - from my perspective, one we learn to continually distinguish between Consciousness from Wisdom, we are on very solid ground, and it becomes easier and easier to recognize when we've become fixated.
On the subject of teachers - I would consider myself to have had many teachers. My main teacher, I mentioned before, is a lama I talk to live over the internet, but I would also say I've received teachings from recordings, from books, and in dreams. For clarity, I will state again: having a teacher that you can use to verify your practice is very important so as not to fall into common pitfalls. Whether you are confirming your experience through texts, reasoning, pointing out videos, whatever - doing it repeatedly will help because otherwise, as a beginner, one can be lost for minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, etc. without finding awareness again. I've seen people on Dzogchen who, unfortunately, even though they got pointing out from great teachers, were not able to full internalize the practice because they got lost in thoughts and then never were able to find recognize awareness again, and so need the pointing out once more. Others get the pointing out repeatedly - practice a lot, and attain good results over time. In that way, from my perspective, having continual access to the teachings is very important.
Fortunately, we live in a good time for this.
I'll get to recommend specifics later but - this is my perspective - although some people say that you can't get transmission over recordings or the internet, or from books - I actually do doubt that that is that case, just from experience. But, I must caution that all of my experience in this realm comes from after the point in time that I received live pointing out, so I would not take what I say as gospel. Once again, anything I say would defer to a knowledge and reputable teacher.
This all being said - regardless of how one feels at a specific time or place, there's no reason to ever refrain from confirming one's experience or view against the words of masters. There are others that have said this, who have more experience, but until we are Buddhas ourselves and phenomena have exhausted, there is no reason to ever stop practicing. Ever. If you are practicing, there is no need to make effort, and all phenomena will come and go without trouble until they are fully exhausted. Namkhai Norbu says almost exactly this in The Cycle of Day and Night.
Finding A Teacher - Resources
"Do not expect to travel this path guided only by books and the internet! Use the internet to find a teacher, then connect with them." - Lama LenaIt's taken a while to get here, my apologies for that.
For finding a teacher, I think any lama that has accomplished a three year retreat will be proficient in either Mahamudra or Dzogchen (both Atiyoga - subtle differenes but the same essential practice), and will likely be able to give pointing out instructions.
Not all may do so at first. Some may want a more personal relationship, some may require Ngondro, and some may say "sorry I don't really give those teachings". Some may require a baseline knowledge of the practice first - for example the Tergar program does.
That being said, there are many places to receive pointing out for free and in public.
Off the top of my head, I can name four that are always open and free: Lama Lena on Facebook and Youtube, The Rangdrol Foundation (run by the reddit user u/jigdrol), MeditationOnline.org, and The Pristine Mind Foundation . I know there are others, but at least to me on reddit and personally, these have been the most visible. I do know that Yongey Mingyur Rinpoche and James Low occasionally give pointing out instructions and videos on the practice. As well - many other lama do on occasion, and especially Bon lamas - practitioners and Yogis from the Tibetan Indigenous religion, through teachings series or classes. Some may even do so if you are able to get a phone call with them.
Personally, I recommend finding someone who you can learn from personally, and allowing them to teach you whatever they can.
Edit: Here is a recent list of online teachers compiled by Dzogchen
Lama Lena Dzogchen Youtube Videos
Lama Lena Introductory Videos
Meditation Online Videos (Almost all Dzogchen)
Once you've received pointing out, there are also numerous public books, and texts one can read to deepen their understanding and/or background in the teachings, a few of which I've read and can list below. I'll also try to find some links that I care share too.
Many texts on Dzogchen, Mahyana and Vajrayana in general can be found on the excellent Lotsawahouse.org
A list of a few books that I've read and can personally recommend. Please note - these books (with the exception of Transcending AFAIK) are best read after having received transmission:
The Cycle of Day and Night by Chogyal Namkhai Norbu
Dzogchen: Heart Essence of the Great Perfection by HH The Dalai Lama
Zurchungpa's Testament by Dilgo Khyentse Rinpoche
Vajra Heart Revisited by Tulku Urgyen Rinpoche
Transcending Ego: Distinguishing Consciousness from Wisdom by Thrangu Rinpoche
Also, I've not read the Trilogy of Rest by Longchenpa but heard that they're excellent.
Anyways, this about wraps up the post. If you have any questions or additional comments, they are very welcome. I wish all of your the very best of luck on your paths, and that all beings may reach enlightenment.
2024.05.22 01:49 sillygoose14456838 existential hyperawareness and derealization: anyone else?
Hi! I’m a 21F and have had OCD since about 8th grade. I also have Panic Attacks and Anxiety. I was on Lexapro for about a year, then got off in October. This is important because I’ve heard getting off can make anxiety and everything else 10x worse once you hit that 4-6 month mark. I have had a mix of Harm, Relationship, Religious, Existential, Health, etc OCD, basically my whole life. I also had a weird hyperawareness of being in first person, and everything looking like teeny tiny particles in 8th grade, not sure how it went away. I had a small period of time Freshman-Sophmore year of high school where I somehow managed to forget I had OCD?? Miss that tbh.
Anyways, starting about three months ago my anxiety started to SKY rocket. For context, my bf came back from a 7 month deployment, so that caused some weird stress/ excitement. I also had a VERY social life during, aka I was drinking steadily. It was during this I was getting off meds too, then fully off by December of last year. I had/ now have horrible panic, guilt, OCD, fear of living day to day because I had no idea what was/ is going on. I tried everything, cutting alcohol, confessing, vitamins, working out. The whole shabang. It never really went away. I had about one “normal week” because I had a super stressful situation occur that I think drew my attention away, but anyways, it came back full force and 10x worse. Basically, I have been in a constant state of derealization and hyper aware of my existence for the whole three months but SO powerful the last three weeks. Like WAY too aware. Here are what most of my thoughts are now: •••”Other people experience this too. What if I am the only real person though? So everything people say to help is fake and so are they.” •••’’What if I am truly alone?” •••’’Am I going to feel like this forever because I really don’t want to.” •••”No one else sees in first person and I am the only existing being.”
The first person view reaaalllllyyyy gets me and the thought of being truly alone, and everyone being fake. I get that that is just how it “is” but for some reason my brain isn’t taking that answer. I am so scared of everything now, of existing, of feeling this. I don’t get why it is happening to me. I know DR can come from high anxiety, and when that high anxiety started, I had just hit the four month mark of being off my meds. (Heard that anxiety symptoms after getting off meds can come back 10x worse after a while too) I just want to go back to being happy again. I’m starting back Lexapro soon (within the week) but I want this to go away. I want to love the life I had three months ago. Anyone else feel anything similar? Especially the fear of first person?
To leave this off, a youtuber who has went through something similar said this quote and it is me to a T. “I was so afraid of dying and death, but so unwanting to living like this.”
Also, I am doing ERP, plus starting that medication soon. I have been trying the acceptance of uncertainty and “so what?” thinking. I still hate this. I am a prisoner of my own mind, and existence. I used to love life and love and sadness and adventure and turmoil but it’s like a flip switched.
Help!!!
submitted by sillygoose14456838 to OCD [link] [comments]
Anyways, starting about three months ago my anxiety started to SKY rocket. For context, my bf came back from a 7 month deployment, so that caused some weird stress/ excitement. I also had a VERY social life during, aka I was drinking steadily. It was during this I was getting off meds too, then fully off by December of last year. I had/ now have horrible panic, guilt, OCD, fear of living day to day because I had no idea what was/ is going on. I tried everything, cutting alcohol, confessing, vitamins, working out. The whole shabang. It never really went away. I had about one “normal week” because I had a super stressful situation occur that I think drew my attention away, but anyways, it came back full force and 10x worse. Basically, I have been in a constant state of derealization and hyper aware of my existence for the whole three months but SO powerful the last three weeks. Like WAY too aware. Here are what most of my thoughts are now: •••”Other people experience this too. What if I am the only real person though? So everything people say to help is fake and so are they.” •••’’What if I am truly alone?” •••’’Am I going to feel like this forever because I really don’t want to.” •••”No one else sees in first person and I am the only existing being.”
The first person view reaaalllllyyyy gets me and the thought of being truly alone, and everyone being fake. I get that that is just how it “is” but for some reason my brain isn’t taking that answer. I am so scared of everything now, of existing, of feeling this. I don’t get why it is happening to me. I know DR can come from high anxiety, and when that high anxiety started, I had just hit the four month mark of being off my meds. (Heard that anxiety symptoms after getting off meds can come back 10x worse after a while too) I just want to go back to being happy again. I’m starting back Lexapro soon (within the week) but I want this to go away. I want to love the life I had three months ago. Anyone else feel anything similar? Especially the fear of first person?
To leave this off, a youtuber who has went through something similar said this quote and it is me to a T. “I was so afraid of dying and death, but so unwanting to living like this.”
Also, I am doing ERP, plus starting that medication soon. I have been trying the acceptance of uncertainty and “so what?” thinking. I still hate this. I am a prisoner of my own mind, and existence. I used to love life and love and sadness and adventure and turmoil but it’s like a flip switched.
Help!!!
2024.05.22 01:48 Vegetable-Ear-9731 When And How Did Content Creation Change?
Something I was thinking about when I watched the final moments of the most recent EFAP was Mauler’s observation that the internet content creator landscape used to be different when AVGN clones ruled Youtube and his question of how that shifted into video essayists and commentary channels. I thought about that for a while and I thought of some reasons why the landscape changed that I would like to share.
Managers
Something that people might not be aware of is how many Youtubers have people managing their content in the form of things like setting up brand deals and other services that I am not familiar with. Some of them are very public about what they do, some of them are more private. The important thing is how managers worked in the past.
One thing that I liked about Machinima, ScrewAttack, and Channel Awesome that the creators probably didn’t like is that they forced the older creators to stick to a set schedule of uploads and some of them forced creators to follow a set formula. This meant that the manager would make sure that if a creator uploaded a video every Friday at 2pm, they would have an upload every single Friday at 2pm.
How would this work if the creator wanted to take a week off? Well, the creator would have to have a video to upload in advance. What if the creator wanted to spend 3 weeks on a super-duper big video? Well, they could absolutely do that, but it would be a passion project and they’d still have to follow the set schedule for regular uploads.
This created a content landscape that I actually enjoyed a lot as a consumer because it’s probably the way it should be for reviewers. Every week, or every day in rare cases, a movie reviewer would need to review a different movie, which meant that a reviewer might have to force themselves to sit through a movie they don’t want to see like Fifty Shades Of Grey to give it a chance to subvert their expectations and earn a glowing review, or dig deep to find a new indie movie to review to fill that quota if they really didn’t want to sit through Fifty Shades Of Grey.
The promise of Patreon and creators becoming more independent was that creators would exclusively make videos on topics they wanted to do, but I personally think that was the wrong way to go. I’ve maintained a position that I prefer it when content creators are encouraged, or even forced, to talk about things that they don’t want to talk about because oftentimes that’s when reviewers are most interesting. Some of my favorite Roger Ebert reviews were when he reviewed a children’s movie like Space Jam or Pokemon: The First Movie, and some of my favorite Zero Punctuation reviews are when he has to pick out a random indie game and commit to reviewing it regardless of what the indie game turned out to be, like when he reviewed Hell Pie.
What I think has happened is that the lack of managers has encouraged content creators to upload whatever they want, whenever they want, which has usually translated to videos about ‘easy’ topics, like videos about Disney movies, being uploaded weeks, or even months, apart, which has made the content creation landscape, at least for reviewers, a lot less interesting, and a lot less engaging.
It’s actually one of the reasons why EFAP has been losing my interest lately, because although they upload a stream every week the topics they choose are generally ‘easy’ topics because I genuinely think the hosts don’t have the ability to make an EFAP on something more obscure, or even just ‘difficult’ like Baby Reindeer, very interesting, or they just won’t do streams on those topics because, as Rags said: “This is our show, and we can do whatever the fuck we want.”
Honestly, my hot take is that I liked you better when you couldn’t do whatever the fuck you wanted all of the time. In fact, one of my favorite Rags moments on EFAP was when he clearly didn’t want to be involved with the debate with Twin Perfect.
Sponsors
I remember the Adpocalypse and how Youtubers transitioned to sponsors over relying heavily on ad-revenue. What that event transpired into is that audiences were far more accepting of basically any form of making money that Youtubers would use. Patreon became a very dominant part of Youtube, but sponsors also became extremely common and audiences would even cheer in the comment sections when creators would have their first Raid: Shadow Legends sponsorship.
Sponsors are what I want to talk about because I have seen Youtubers show that they have a bunch of videos on their computer that they simply aren’t releasing to the public because they don’t want to upload a single video without a sponsor on their main channel, as well as Youtubers having a second channel where they upload ‘slop’ content without sponsors that most of their audience is usually unaware of or isn’t interested in.
The problem is that the appeal for pretty much all content on Youtube is the personalities of the people creating the content, which is less about the actual personalities and more like “That’s an actual person doing what they actually want to do, that’s so cool,” but that is usually undercut by the presence of sponsors. The fact that Youtubers will sit on a video they made and not upload it unless they can get a sponsor to pay for it always seemed strange to me, especially for Youtubers where the image they present is “I’m just a normal, chill guy who makes Youtube videos for fun,” which needs the caveat of “Uhhhh, I’m actually really poor and if I don’t take this BetterHelp sponsor I can’t afford my rent this month. Please understand, I’m barely making any money on Youtube,” when a sponsor is included in the video.
As weird as this sounds, there are communities of creatives online that don’t expect to ever make any money putting hours, days, weeks, months, and years of work into a project. There are modding communities, bloggers, game developers, fanfiction writers, and artists that only want comments saying “You did a good job,” and Youtubers used to be that way, or they used to present themselves that way before sponsors became as common as they are now.
I don’t say this often enough, but I remember when Youtubers would make videos about not just random pictures on Deviantart, but on fanfictions and pornographic videos. They’d do those videos for things like clout, which is something that I don’t see too often on Youtube.
People might say that there are a bunch of Youtubers that talk about obscure media and Youtubers that make things without any expectation of earning money, which I say “Well, yeah, but that’s not what I’m talking about,” and then I’d point to things like AVGN’s Atari Porn video, and old videos where commentary Youtubers would branch out from their niche to say “Hey, just for fun, we’re going to check out this weird fanfiction story,” or how Yahtzee would include fun projects he created at the end of his Zero Punctuation videos, like how he’d dub over scenes in video games like Half-Life and Painkiller, or how he made a slideshow with Garry’s Mod that depicted a love story between Heavy and Medic.
What I’m saying is that a large part of what made Youtube fun was that not every video from an established creator with 100k subscribers needed to be monetized, or even created with the expectation of being successful or well-received by the community. There was a time when the expectations people had for, say, Jim Sterling was for a high-quality Jimquisition video to be produced and uploaded to the main channel once a week, and for the other days to feature a minimally-edited video where he showed himself trying out a game or reacting to a trailer on his main channel.
In the past I said that I would like it if EFAP would talk about comments and read fanfictions on-stream and I was mocked for it, but I stand by that statement because, although EFAP clearly doesn’t want to do it regularly, when they do read comments on-stream it tends to result in some of the best content because it showcases a side to them that I like. Instead of being totally normal dudes talking to each other about a movie they saw or reacting to a video, they have to use text-to-speech or read the comment using a silly voice or, well, use just a little bit of creativity when reading those comments out-loud.
What I’m kinda saying is that, yes, I think we all like professionally-produced content, and we all accept that sponsors for videos are necessary. But, like, I don’t like how for most successful Youtubers only the monetizable content, often with sponsors, is presented on the main channel, while the other content doesn’t exist, is uploaded to a secondary channel, or is locked behind some kind of paywall.
It just feels strange that these normal, chill, relatable people have gotten themselves into a position where they can earn real money, in some cases a lot of money, to stand in front of a webcam for 10 minutes talking about their favorite movies, chat with a group of friends, or even just play their favorite video game, and in quite a few cases they won’t do any of those things unless there’s a way to monetize it. Imagine how it looks to say “Well, I can’t talk about this cool fanfiction story I read on my main channel to my audience that enjoys my content about that franchise because I can’t get a sponsor for it.”
I wonder if Rags, a regular host of EFAP, appreciates the irony of him criticizing Chris Stuckmann for advocating that filmmakers “Get as much time and money as possible to make their films in the ideal circumstances and for the process to be easy,” when he’s in the position that he’s in where, on EFAP, he has as much freedom as he wants in the ideal circumstances to make money with EFAP, and it’s easy, yet he still will complain if he’s asked to step out of his comfort zone, even a little bit, on stream.
Insecurity
A while ago I had a theory about Cancel Culture which was that usually Cancel Culture is incredibly exaggerated by the audience of the people being canceled, and that most of the people being canceled are perfectly fine. The go-to example is the poor lady who made a joke about AIDS before going to Africa that got off the flight and got fired from her job due to her joke going viral. What people often don’t mention is that she got fired because it’s a terrible look for the company’s PR person to be involved with such a massive PR disaster, and that she got hired at another company a very short time later. Plus, like, she made a racist joke and people were calling her a racist, it wasn’t like she was targeted for absolutely no reason.
My theory is that people think that Cancel Culture absolutely ruins the lives of celebrities and influencers online because of their intense reactions to being canceled. An early example being Seth Macfarlane, who was mocked for his poorly-received hosting of the Oscars and who seemed incredibly bitter about it, making Cancel Culture a plot point in multiple episodes of Family Guy, talking about how bitter he was about it in interviews for years, and even apparently getting emotional support from his friends and family after the ordeal, even going as far as to ask celebrities to say “I liked what he did and I thought he was hilarious, and very handsome.”
What I’m saying is that I think that in the early days of content creation on Youtube the people making videos were more willing to appear on camera and embarrass themselves, like with Spoony screaming at a big gaming event on camera, because even though they were aware of Cancel Culture being a thing they weren’t going to be reduced to tears by someone saying “You’re totally cringe and annoying,” and even went as far as to incorporate those kinds of comments into their video because it was extremely easy content to create. You probably know what I’m talking about, where a creator would read out “This content creator is SOOOOOOO CRINGE,” in a video in a silly voice which you can’t really do as easily with “OMG, I love your content,” and make it entertaining.
That’s changed a lot today with content creators seeming to project an extreme amount of insecurity in every video they’re a part of, which gets even worse in formats like podcasts. It feels like every commentary creator is a chill dude that isn’t offended by anything and only wants to have a good time talking about things they like because, well, that’s what they need to be to avoid being criticized too severely, but they constantly allude to being a very immature and thin-skinned person that is mainly concerned about earning money, to the point where they’ll say “I’m not even having fun producing content at all.”
In college I remember one of my professors saying: “When you were high school kids you were insecure and weren’t confident in your abilities enough to volunteer when you were asked. You’re adults now, and when you graduate you can’t do that at a real job. Part of growing up is being confident in yourself, and if you don’t want to do that, you can always work in fast food where you never need to grow up, while the other adults in your friend group are becoming doctors and construction workers.”
It’s something that I realized with Youtubers which is that a decent amount of them started their careers young and never had to ‘grow up’ the way that my professor said that we needed to. Even with millions of subscribers you still see a lot of Youtubers struggle to commit to any statement they make, and I hear “I’m just a dumb Youtuber who doesn’t know anything and is stupid and socially-awkward and is fat and smells bad,” too many times from rich and successful people.
The thing is, when you’re a teenager, or you’re in your 20s, that insecurity is charming and relatable because you're trying to find a place in the world and discovering the role that you will fill in society. But, when you’re 30 and your role is “I tell people about the latest internet drama and make references to Spongebob,” or “I talk about Star Wars for hours at a time,” even if you make $2 million every day there’s likely a part of you that says: “I don’t like who I am. I don’t like what I do for a living. Yes, I’m rich, but I don’t like why I’m rich, and I don’t like my audience.”
I think that this insecurity leads to people trying to make their content more ‘mature’, but the way they do it isn’t by presenting themselves as a more confident person, or by making a clear separation between the personality in their content and their actual personality so that they can have a good work/life balance, it’s by creating the same content with very superficially mature elements. So, you end up with the video essayists of the past that gained fame by describing the events of a movie and then giving their opinion on whether they liked or disliked it doing the same thing but with quotes from smart people, like Socrates, and making conclusions like “Some people are gonna like this movie, some people are going to hate it. The important thing is that everyone involved with this movie tried really hard and had fun.”
The thing is, teenagers and 20-year-olds get value from a relatable person that comes across as an insecure loser who is too afraid to take a proper stance on anything to commit to a statement. When someone is actually mature they find more value in someone who is willing to do a good job and defend the job that they did, even if they’re like Neil Breen who thinks they did a good job but clearly did a terrible job. A 20-year-old might declare that Twin Perfect’s debate with EFAP wasn’t embarrassing because he was just being himself or something, but a 40-year-old might not tell Twin Perfect that the debate was embarrassing, but they would no longer respect him, and I imagine a lot of 40-year-olds don’t respect a lot of Youtube video essayists because of how eager they seem to be to engage in self-deprecation.
Conclusion
Despite everything that I’ve said, I do think that the content landscape on Youtube is generally ‘better’ than it was in, say, 2010. We weren’t getting a 4+ hour video by The Little Platoon about Rebel Moon, for instance, in 2010.
What I would compare modern Youtube and classic Youtube to is the 1970s movie scene vs. the 1980s movie scene, which Quentin Tarantino has labeled as “The worst period in movie history,” which the EFAP crew have pushed back on.
The thing is, in the early 80s we got Blade Runner, in the same way that nowadays we got the 4+ hour Little Platoon video, but the theatrical release of that film was famously sabotaged by the company that wanted Harrison Ford to provide voiceovers for the film that ‘ruined’ it, or at least, ruined the ending of the movie.
Throughout the 80s films were made which satisfied audiences more than films from the 70s did because Spielberg was producing hugely successful films that are still highly regarded, but there was also a bunch of shady practices going on and a bunch of notoriously poor studio decisions made in order to appeal to a wide demographic, such as the fiasco with Supergirl and Masters Of The Universe, or changing the ending of Brazil.
In the 1970s we not only got more challenging films, but there was also a thriving independent cinema scene that gave us Death Race 2000, Eraserhead, THX-1138, and Duel. There was also Jaws, Star Wars, and A Clockwork Orange, which were big-budget movies that took serious creative risks that paid off immensely which just wouldn’t happen in the 1980s, or would happen very rarely.
I think that I do prefer Youtube back in, say, 2015-2017 when it seemed like we generally got the best of both worlds, challenging content about a diverse range of subjects with production values comparable to what we have now.
To close this, I would like to include a paraphrased interaction I saw on a podcast featuring a pretty big Youtuber that I think illustrates why Youtube has changed in the way that it has.
Youtuber: Look, I don’t need to work as hard on my videos now because not every video needs to be an event. I just want to take it easy now, pump out a video whenever I feel like it, get paid by the sponsors, and then spend time with my family, is that so wrong?
Host: It kind of is. I know your audience of teenagers will be like “He just wants to spend time with his family, dude, have a heart,” but a lot of Youtubers, especially younger Youtubers look up to you for inspiration. If you’re in that position and your attitude is “I’m going to half-ass every video that I make from now on and if anyone calls my content lazy I’ll use my 8-year-old daughter as a shield against criticism,” that’s the attitude that a lot of young Youtubers are going to have. They’re going to half-ass their content and when criticized, they’re going to find their own excuse, like “I have a kid now,” or “I have to eat,” or something.
Youtuber: That’s not my fault, though. I never asked to be a role model.
Host: That’s not how that works. You don’t get to decide whether or not people look up to you, have expectations of you, and emulate your approach to content creation. You only release 2-3 videos a year, and with your status every video should be a major event, but instead every video is half-assed, as you admitted, and then you use your daughter as an excuse for why you don’t put as much effort into your content as you used to. I think you need to have someone in your life, like a friend, that actually makes you feel some shame for your content and encourages you to do better, rather than your social circle being composed of supportive people like your family and the people who pay you through Patreon.
Host 2: He did have that. He fired him two years ago, remember?
Host: Oh, yeah, you fired your friend, or made him quit, whatever the story was. Did that not make you feel bad at all?
Youtuber: Friendships end, that’s just life.
Host: That’s the attitude that I hate that comes across in your content. You can’t just brush aside everything and bumble through life, except if you’re an internet personality, apparently.
Host 2: It worked for the MCU.
Host: It’s not working for the MCU anymore, though, and it isn’t working as well for this Youtuber. It’s probably going to get worse and when he decides to do more work and make better videos, like he used to do, it’s probably going to be too late, or he’ll need to make really good videos to get the views he once did.
Youtuber: My videos are really good, though.
Host: You admitted to half-assing them.
submitted by Vegetable-Ear-9731 to MauLer [link] [comments]
Managers
Something that people might not be aware of is how many Youtubers have people managing their content in the form of things like setting up brand deals and other services that I am not familiar with. Some of them are very public about what they do, some of them are more private. The important thing is how managers worked in the past.
One thing that I liked about Machinima, ScrewAttack, and Channel Awesome that the creators probably didn’t like is that they forced the older creators to stick to a set schedule of uploads and some of them forced creators to follow a set formula. This meant that the manager would make sure that if a creator uploaded a video every Friday at 2pm, they would have an upload every single Friday at 2pm.
How would this work if the creator wanted to take a week off? Well, the creator would have to have a video to upload in advance. What if the creator wanted to spend 3 weeks on a super-duper big video? Well, they could absolutely do that, but it would be a passion project and they’d still have to follow the set schedule for regular uploads.
This created a content landscape that I actually enjoyed a lot as a consumer because it’s probably the way it should be for reviewers. Every week, or every day in rare cases, a movie reviewer would need to review a different movie, which meant that a reviewer might have to force themselves to sit through a movie they don’t want to see like Fifty Shades Of Grey to give it a chance to subvert their expectations and earn a glowing review, or dig deep to find a new indie movie to review to fill that quota if they really didn’t want to sit through Fifty Shades Of Grey.
The promise of Patreon and creators becoming more independent was that creators would exclusively make videos on topics they wanted to do, but I personally think that was the wrong way to go. I’ve maintained a position that I prefer it when content creators are encouraged, or even forced, to talk about things that they don’t want to talk about because oftentimes that’s when reviewers are most interesting. Some of my favorite Roger Ebert reviews were when he reviewed a children’s movie like Space Jam or Pokemon: The First Movie, and some of my favorite Zero Punctuation reviews are when he has to pick out a random indie game and commit to reviewing it regardless of what the indie game turned out to be, like when he reviewed Hell Pie.
What I think has happened is that the lack of managers has encouraged content creators to upload whatever they want, whenever they want, which has usually translated to videos about ‘easy’ topics, like videos about Disney movies, being uploaded weeks, or even months, apart, which has made the content creation landscape, at least for reviewers, a lot less interesting, and a lot less engaging.
It’s actually one of the reasons why EFAP has been losing my interest lately, because although they upload a stream every week the topics they choose are generally ‘easy’ topics because I genuinely think the hosts don’t have the ability to make an EFAP on something more obscure, or even just ‘difficult’ like Baby Reindeer, very interesting, or they just won’t do streams on those topics because, as Rags said: “This is our show, and we can do whatever the fuck we want.”
Honestly, my hot take is that I liked you better when you couldn’t do whatever the fuck you wanted all of the time. In fact, one of my favorite Rags moments on EFAP was when he clearly didn’t want to be involved with the debate with Twin Perfect.
Sponsors
I remember the Adpocalypse and how Youtubers transitioned to sponsors over relying heavily on ad-revenue. What that event transpired into is that audiences were far more accepting of basically any form of making money that Youtubers would use. Patreon became a very dominant part of Youtube, but sponsors also became extremely common and audiences would even cheer in the comment sections when creators would have their first Raid: Shadow Legends sponsorship.
Sponsors are what I want to talk about because I have seen Youtubers show that they have a bunch of videos on their computer that they simply aren’t releasing to the public because they don’t want to upload a single video without a sponsor on their main channel, as well as Youtubers having a second channel where they upload ‘slop’ content without sponsors that most of their audience is usually unaware of or isn’t interested in.
The problem is that the appeal for pretty much all content on Youtube is the personalities of the people creating the content, which is less about the actual personalities and more like “That’s an actual person doing what they actually want to do, that’s so cool,” but that is usually undercut by the presence of sponsors. The fact that Youtubers will sit on a video they made and not upload it unless they can get a sponsor to pay for it always seemed strange to me, especially for Youtubers where the image they present is “I’m just a normal, chill guy who makes Youtube videos for fun,” which needs the caveat of “Uhhhh, I’m actually really poor and if I don’t take this BetterHelp sponsor I can’t afford my rent this month. Please understand, I’m barely making any money on Youtube,” when a sponsor is included in the video.
As weird as this sounds, there are communities of creatives online that don’t expect to ever make any money putting hours, days, weeks, months, and years of work into a project. There are modding communities, bloggers, game developers, fanfiction writers, and artists that only want comments saying “You did a good job,” and Youtubers used to be that way, or they used to present themselves that way before sponsors became as common as they are now.
I don’t say this often enough, but I remember when Youtubers would make videos about not just random pictures on Deviantart, but on fanfictions and pornographic videos. They’d do those videos for things like clout, which is something that I don’t see too often on Youtube.
People might say that there are a bunch of Youtubers that talk about obscure media and Youtubers that make things without any expectation of earning money, which I say “Well, yeah, but that’s not what I’m talking about,” and then I’d point to things like AVGN’s Atari Porn video, and old videos where commentary Youtubers would branch out from their niche to say “Hey, just for fun, we’re going to check out this weird fanfiction story,” or how Yahtzee would include fun projects he created at the end of his Zero Punctuation videos, like how he’d dub over scenes in video games like Half-Life and Painkiller, or how he made a slideshow with Garry’s Mod that depicted a love story between Heavy and Medic.
What I’m saying is that a large part of what made Youtube fun was that not every video from an established creator with 100k subscribers needed to be monetized, or even created with the expectation of being successful or well-received by the community. There was a time when the expectations people had for, say, Jim Sterling was for a high-quality Jimquisition video to be produced and uploaded to the main channel once a week, and for the other days to feature a minimally-edited video where he showed himself trying out a game or reacting to a trailer on his main channel.
In the past I said that I would like it if EFAP would talk about comments and read fanfictions on-stream and I was mocked for it, but I stand by that statement because, although EFAP clearly doesn’t want to do it regularly, when they do read comments on-stream it tends to result in some of the best content because it showcases a side to them that I like. Instead of being totally normal dudes talking to each other about a movie they saw or reacting to a video, they have to use text-to-speech or read the comment using a silly voice or, well, use just a little bit of creativity when reading those comments out-loud.
What I’m kinda saying is that, yes, I think we all like professionally-produced content, and we all accept that sponsors for videos are necessary. But, like, I don’t like how for most successful Youtubers only the monetizable content, often with sponsors, is presented on the main channel, while the other content doesn’t exist, is uploaded to a secondary channel, or is locked behind some kind of paywall.
It just feels strange that these normal, chill, relatable people have gotten themselves into a position where they can earn real money, in some cases a lot of money, to stand in front of a webcam for 10 minutes talking about their favorite movies, chat with a group of friends, or even just play their favorite video game, and in quite a few cases they won’t do any of those things unless there’s a way to monetize it. Imagine how it looks to say “Well, I can’t talk about this cool fanfiction story I read on my main channel to my audience that enjoys my content about that franchise because I can’t get a sponsor for it.”
I wonder if Rags, a regular host of EFAP, appreciates the irony of him criticizing Chris Stuckmann for advocating that filmmakers “Get as much time and money as possible to make their films in the ideal circumstances and for the process to be easy,” when he’s in the position that he’s in where, on EFAP, he has as much freedom as he wants in the ideal circumstances to make money with EFAP, and it’s easy, yet he still will complain if he’s asked to step out of his comfort zone, even a little bit, on stream.
Insecurity
A while ago I had a theory about Cancel Culture which was that usually Cancel Culture is incredibly exaggerated by the audience of the people being canceled, and that most of the people being canceled are perfectly fine. The go-to example is the poor lady who made a joke about AIDS before going to Africa that got off the flight and got fired from her job due to her joke going viral. What people often don’t mention is that she got fired because it’s a terrible look for the company’s PR person to be involved with such a massive PR disaster, and that she got hired at another company a very short time later. Plus, like, she made a racist joke and people were calling her a racist, it wasn’t like she was targeted for absolutely no reason.
My theory is that people think that Cancel Culture absolutely ruins the lives of celebrities and influencers online because of their intense reactions to being canceled. An early example being Seth Macfarlane, who was mocked for his poorly-received hosting of the Oscars and who seemed incredibly bitter about it, making Cancel Culture a plot point in multiple episodes of Family Guy, talking about how bitter he was about it in interviews for years, and even apparently getting emotional support from his friends and family after the ordeal, even going as far as to ask celebrities to say “I liked what he did and I thought he was hilarious, and very handsome.”
What I’m saying is that I think that in the early days of content creation on Youtube the people making videos were more willing to appear on camera and embarrass themselves, like with Spoony screaming at a big gaming event on camera, because even though they were aware of Cancel Culture being a thing they weren’t going to be reduced to tears by someone saying “You’re totally cringe and annoying,” and even went as far as to incorporate those kinds of comments into their video because it was extremely easy content to create. You probably know what I’m talking about, where a creator would read out “This content creator is SOOOOOOO CRINGE,” in a video in a silly voice which you can’t really do as easily with “OMG, I love your content,” and make it entertaining.
That’s changed a lot today with content creators seeming to project an extreme amount of insecurity in every video they’re a part of, which gets even worse in formats like podcasts. It feels like every commentary creator is a chill dude that isn’t offended by anything and only wants to have a good time talking about things they like because, well, that’s what they need to be to avoid being criticized too severely, but they constantly allude to being a very immature and thin-skinned person that is mainly concerned about earning money, to the point where they’ll say “I’m not even having fun producing content at all.”
In college I remember one of my professors saying: “When you were high school kids you were insecure and weren’t confident in your abilities enough to volunteer when you were asked. You’re adults now, and when you graduate you can’t do that at a real job. Part of growing up is being confident in yourself, and if you don’t want to do that, you can always work in fast food where you never need to grow up, while the other adults in your friend group are becoming doctors and construction workers.”
It’s something that I realized with Youtubers which is that a decent amount of them started their careers young and never had to ‘grow up’ the way that my professor said that we needed to. Even with millions of subscribers you still see a lot of Youtubers struggle to commit to any statement they make, and I hear “I’m just a dumb Youtuber who doesn’t know anything and is stupid and socially-awkward and is fat and smells bad,” too many times from rich and successful people.
The thing is, when you’re a teenager, or you’re in your 20s, that insecurity is charming and relatable because you're trying to find a place in the world and discovering the role that you will fill in society. But, when you’re 30 and your role is “I tell people about the latest internet drama and make references to Spongebob,” or “I talk about Star Wars for hours at a time,” even if you make $2 million every day there’s likely a part of you that says: “I don’t like who I am. I don’t like what I do for a living. Yes, I’m rich, but I don’t like why I’m rich, and I don’t like my audience.”
I think that this insecurity leads to people trying to make their content more ‘mature’, but the way they do it isn’t by presenting themselves as a more confident person, or by making a clear separation between the personality in their content and their actual personality so that they can have a good work/life balance, it’s by creating the same content with very superficially mature elements. So, you end up with the video essayists of the past that gained fame by describing the events of a movie and then giving their opinion on whether they liked or disliked it doing the same thing but with quotes from smart people, like Socrates, and making conclusions like “Some people are gonna like this movie, some people are going to hate it. The important thing is that everyone involved with this movie tried really hard and had fun.”
The thing is, teenagers and 20-year-olds get value from a relatable person that comes across as an insecure loser who is too afraid to take a proper stance on anything to commit to a statement. When someone is actually mature they find more value in someone who is willing to do a good job and defend the job that they did, even if they’re like Neil Breen who thinks they did a good job but clearly did a terrible job. A 20-year-old might declare that Twin Perfect’s debate with EFAP wasn’t embarrassing because he was just being himself or something, but a 40-year-old might not tell Twin Perfect that the debate was embarrassing, but they would no longer respect him, and I imagine a lot of 40-year-olds don’t respect a lot of Youtube video essayists because of how eager they seem to be to engage in self-deprecation.
Conclusion
Despite everything that I’ve said, I do think that the content landscape on Youtube is generally ‘better’ than it was in, say, 2010. We weren’t getting a 4+ hour video by The Little Platoon about Rebel Moon, for instance, in 2010.
What I would compare modern Youtube and classic Youtube to is the 1970s movie scene vs. the 1980s movie scene, which Quentin Tarantino has labeled as “The worst period in movie history,” which the EFAP crew have pushed back on.
The thing is, in the early 80s we got Blade Runner, in the same way that nowadays we got the 4+ hour Little Platoon video, but the theatrical release of that film was famously sabotaged by the company that wanted Harrison Ford to provide voiceovers for the film that ‘ruined’ it, or at least, ruined the ending of the movie.
Throughout the 80s films were made which satisfied audiences more than films from the 70s did because Spielberg was producing hugely successful films that are still highly regarded, but there was also a bunch of shady practices going on and a bunch of notoriously poor studio decisions made in order to appeal to a wide demographic, such as the fiasco with Supergirl and Masters Of The Universe, or changing the ending of Brazil.
In the 1970s we not only got more challenging films, but there was also a thriving independent cinema scene that gave us Death Race 2000, Eraserhead, THX-1138, and Duel. There was also Jaws, Star Wars, and A Clockwork Orange, which were big-budget movies that took serious creative risks that paid off immensely which just wouldn’t happen in the 1980s, or would happen very rarely.
I think that I do prefer Youtube back in, say, 2015-2017 when it seemed like we generally got the best of both worlds, challenging content about a diverse range of subjects with production values comparable to what we have now.
To close this, I would like to include a paraphrased interaction I saw on a podcast featuring a pretty big Youtuber that I think illustrates why Youtube has changed in the way that it has.
Youtuber: Look, I don’t need to work as hard on my videos now because not every video needs to be an event. I just want to take it easy now, pump out a video whenever I feel like it, get paid by the sponsors, and then spend time with my family, is that so wrong?
Host: It kind of is. I know your audience of teenagers will be like “He just wants to spend time with his family, dude, have a heart,” but a lot of Youtubers, especially younger Youtubers look up to you for inspiration. If you’re in that position and your attitude is “I’m going to half-ass every video that I make from now on and if anyone calls my content lazy I’ll use my 8-year-old daughter as a shield against criticism,” that’s the attitude that a lot of young Youtubers are going to have. They’re going to half-ass their content and when criticized, they’re going to find their own excuse, like “I have a kid now,” or “I have to eat,” or something.
Youtuber: That’s not my fault, though. I never asked to be a role model.
Host: That’s not how that works. You don’t get to decide whether or not people look up to you, have expectations of you, and emulate your approach to content creation. You only release 2-3 videos a year, and with your status every video should be a major event, but instead every video is half-assed, as you admitted, and then you use your daughter as an excuse for why you don’t put as much effort into your content as you used to. I think you need to have someone in your life, like a friend, that actually makes you feel some shame for your content and encourages you to do better, rather than your social circle being composed of supportive people like your family and the people who pay you through Patreon.
Host 2: He did have that. He fired him two years ago, remember?
Host: Oh, yeah, you fired your friend, or made him quit, whatever the story was. Did that not make you feel bad at all?
Youtuber: Friendships end, that’s just life.
Host: That’s the attitude that I hate that comes across in your content. You can’t just brush aside everything and bumble through life, except if you’re an internet personality, apparently.
Host 2: It worked for the MCU.
Host: It’s not working for the MCU anymore, though, and it isn’t working as well for this Youtuber. It’s probably going to get worse and when he decides to do more work and make better videos, like he used to do, it’s probably going to be too late, or he’ll need to make really good videos to get the views he once did.
Youtuber: My videos are really good, though.
Host: You admitted to half-assing them.
2024.05.22 01:33 Fair-Parfait-8682 CFA Charterholder and Looking for good opportunities
Hi All,
It's been around 7 months since I have been actively looking for jobs in Investment Management. Received 7 interviews from different firms all within Canada either on the East Coast with a few on the West Coast. My experience after starting this program in 2018 while working at an investment dealer is quite overwhelming. I gained an intense amount of understanding, knowledge and application from the program which I am very thankful for. I did alot of other courses to develop a skillset for the workplace. Sometimes I feel quite burntout as I am 29 yo, Have been studying at a higher level basically since 18. Have no girlfriend as I chose to equip myself with the knowledge which will be useful to my future career. But all in all, the last 4 years have been pretty terrifying, from the start of the pandemic to the Russia/Ukraine situation which impact's products globally and job markets. I was under the impression that having the CFA demonstrates to an employer that this person has good technical skills, is extremely focused and passionate about investment management and would like to pursue a career within this field long-term. At the interviews, most of the people who interview me are either in their 50s - CIO's, MD's or for Corp/Finance, M&A roles younger than me 27-28 with no CFA. It feels quite discouraging at times when HR professionals for their first round downplay me and have no idea what the CFA is other than just a normal certificate like CSC. My technicals and behaviourals are pretty good and I always wonder why i don't receive 3rd round interviews. Also, I was under the impression that investment firms for someone with 5-6 years or good experience pay over $150K for a charterholder. But, it's becoming difficult in Canada to negotiate as most employers don't come back to you or come back saying you are not chosen without any specific details as to why is that? But, you know that they are quoting a salary of 80-90K which btw is not a good salary for a charterholder, and with the cost of living being so high in the country, how does someone even save over $20K a year. How do you buy a nice place when the cost is close to $1 million for a good 2 BR den? You can't even take a couple international vacations and be comfortable with that kinda savings. Not sure what is going on in the job market for Finance in Canada. Maybe you guys can shed some insight into the process. Time just flies by and you tend to get demotivated just by the amt of hard work being put in not correlating with the compensation in the near future. Thanks for listening.
Yours truly,
Friendly CFA charterholder
submitted by Fair-Parfait-8682 to CFA [link] [comments]
It's been around 7 months since I have been actively looking for jobs in Investment Management. Received 7 interviews from different firms all within Canada either on the East Coast with a few on the West Coast. My experience after starting this program in 2018 while working at an investment dealer is quite overwhelming. I gained an intense amount of understanding, knowledge and application from the program which I am very thankful for. I did alot of other courses to develop a skillset for the workplace. Sometimes I feel quite burntout as I am 29 yo, Have been studying at a higher level basically since 18. Have no girlfriend as I chose to equip myself with the knowledge which will be useful to my future career. But all in all, the last 4 years have been pretty terrifying, from the start of the pandemic to the Russia/Ukraine situation which impact's products globally and job markets. I was under the impression that having the CFA demonstrates to an employer that this person has good technical skills, is extremely focused and passionate about investment management and would like to pursue a career within this field long-term. At the interviews, most of the people who interview me are either in their 50s - CIO's, MD's or for Corp/Finance, M&A roles younger than me 27-28 with no CFA. It feels quite discouraging at times when HR professionals for their first round downplay me and have no idea what the CFA is other than just a normal certificate like CSC. My technicals and behaviourals are pretty good and I always wonder why i don't receive 3rd round interviews. Also, I was under the impression that investment firms for someone with 5-6 years or good experience pay over $150K for a charterholder. But, it's becoming difficult in Canada to negotiate as most employers don't come back to you or come back saying you are not chosen without any specific details as to why is that? But, you know that they are quoting a salary of 80-90K which btw is not a good salary for a charterholder, and with the cost of living being so high in the country, how does someone even save over $20K a year. How do you buy a nice place when the cost is close to $1 million for a good 2 BR den? You can't even take a couple international vacations and be comfortable with that kinda savings. Not sure what is going on in the job market for Finance in Canada. Maybe you guys can shed some insight into the process. Time just flies by and you tend to get demotivated just by the amt of hard work being put in not correlating with the compensation in the near future. Thanks for listening.
Yours truly,
Friendly CFA charterholder
2024.05.22 01:29 Sanguiniusius 'I'll be the golden seamster, Boc! Now I'll be able to sew ANYTHING, even the threads of the demigods'
Its Bocing time yo. I've thought for a long time that Boc is in some way related to the marika radagon story- he shares a love of sewing like radagon, he talks expressly about his mother, and lets be honest the main (bad) mother figure in the game is Marika/Radagon. Finally Melina even spares Boc of all people a little dialogue. I think Boc's story is an allusion to the core metaphysics of the gods. Its not that he is literally Marika's son, its that his/his mother's experience may parallel hers.
In light of Marika(?) pulling some golden thread out of somewhere, lets pull some Boc quotes out and think about how they may be describing the true heart of the story
1
I was pushed out of the cave. Told not to come back, not ever. Then I ended up as a tree. Lucky you came along, really.
Well urm ive recently seen a lot of corpses that ended up as a tree, and in a sense Marika ended up as a tree only to be 'saved' by us.
2
'My mum was a seamstress...and that sewing kit was all I had to remember her by. I always wanted to be just like sweet old Mum. Then, I suppose I-I can't just curl up and die, can I?"'
Huh i know a mothefather who appears to be playing with thread...
3
I'll be the golden seamster, Boc! Now I'll be able to sew anything, even the threads of the demigods!"
When you say you can sew anything boc, does that include conjoining all of reality? Because i think your mother figure might have been in the business of literally sewing reality together.
4
"Oh! Oh! It can't be... For my rebirth? But these are precious, are you certain that it's for me? Oh... M'lord how did you know? It was my only wish, that I might honour you with a decent appearance."
Did your mother change appearance at all Boc? Did she change from something ugly to a beautiful queen? Was she reborn like the description on the https://eldenring.wiki.fextralife.com/Shield+of+the+Guilty
I expect Boc's dialogue to start making a lot more sense when we see what happened to Marika in the land of shadows.
submitted by Sanguiniusius to EldenRingLoreTalk [link] [comments]
In light of Marika(?) pulling some golden thread out of somewhere, lets pull some Boc quotes out and think about how they may be describing the true heart of the story
1
I was pushed out of the cave. Told not to come back, not ever. Then I ended up as a tree. Lucky you came along, really.
Well urm ive recently seen a lot of corpses that ended up as a tree, and in a sense Marika ended up as a tree only to be 'saved' by us.
2
'My mum was a seamstress...and that sewing kit was all I had to remember her by. I always wanted to be just like sweet old Mum. Then, I suppose I-I can't just curl up and die, can I?"'
Huh i know a mothefather who appears to be playing with thread...
3
I'll be the golden seamster, Boc! Now I'll be able to sew anything, even the threads of the demigods!"
When you say you can sew anything boc, does that include conjoining all of reality? Because i think your mother figure might have been in the business of literally sewing reality together.
4
"Oh! Oh! It can't be... For my rebirth? But these are precious, are you certain that it's for me? Oh... M'lord how did you know? It was my only wish, that I might honour you with a decent appearance."
Did your mother change appearance at all Boc? Did she change from something ugly to a beautiful queen? Was she reborn like the description on the https://eldenring.wiki.fextralife.com/Shield+of+the+Guilty
I expect Boc's dialogue to start making a lot more sense when we see what happened to Marika in the land of shadows.
2024.05.22 01:16 SnackPatrol After ~3 months of adding/testing literally every community server that seemed even remotely decent (<150 ping), & ~1 week curating & formatting this post, I believe I have a solid list, w/ descriptions, of the best ones (they're active don't worry). Will update as needed (NA mainly- May 2024)
Last updated 5/21/24 (Any updated servers at bottom)
Anyone stumbling upon this: About 3 months ago I literally went through every single community server, empty/full/whatever, and added any that sounded interesting, and didn't have crazy ping to Favorites (My region is Northeast US (NJ), FYI). I repeated the process twice. There are still a bunch of good ones out there (I've also had many solid ones in my favs for quite some time) I don't know if anyone cares but been around since Beta & have run a server before.
For reference:
tiny kitty's girl pound - friendly community, runs really solid, nice-looking custom maps, Meme Maps Wednesday is a blast, always has people in it, just be wary of nsfw furry sprays (yeah I know...put cl_spraydisable 1 in console to disable)
1st server: 74.91.115.12:27015 2nd server: 74.91.113.115:27015
OPRAH's PETROL STATION - Friendly community, always has people in it, no goofy Instant Respawn which has no place in payload yet half of all community server owners see fit to do that, pre-round scramble
108.181.63.51:27015
-EOTL- Payload - same deal
74.91.114.223:27015
redsun.tf - This community is the poster child for tastefully modded custom game modes, and is very active. It's very well maintained & polished and even though I may not enjoy every game mode I've been very impressed by this server network (esp. as a former highly-modded community server owner). The EU one fills up most of the time, and I deal with the ping because it's a cool community (it even runs a Battle Royale mode that is surprisingly well-made). Their server "shop" is extremely impressive with the amount of customization available (Taunts, player skins, custom voicelines). I'd recommend downloading their asset pack here as it's fairly sizeable to DL upon server connect:
EU (actually gets players): 141.95.28.56:27015 US: 66.206.13.139:27015
Trigger Happy Gamers (EU) - Trigger Happy Gamers have been around forever and even though they are in the UK I deal with the ping to play with them because they are an awesome, fun, friendly community. Their main server gets reliably full from around 1 PM - 3 PM EST every day, and on the weekends a little longer. Their Nocrits server also gets full Saturday
main: 87.98.254.85:27015 Nocrits (gets full Saturdays @ 1 PM - 2 PM): 87.98.254.85:27025
Fucked in the Head - Another community that has been around forever. To be honest, they have equal respawn on Red & Blu, even for Payload, which I hate with a searing passion, HOWEVER, the regulars are entertaining af and give off vibes of drunk buddies goofing off and not giving a fuck that it almost offsets it. It's also decently populated.
216.52.148.223:27015
Skial Payload & Casual servers * - I never got the hate for this server network, decent spawn times, Halloween mode year round, no power tripping admins, feels like a bunch of randoms having a good time. You can also equip any weapon or cosmetic. The Payload+ EU in particular has some really chill/cool regulars, Dustbowl+ US some interesting/funny peeps. Payload US generally decent also. Their Autoscramble is also on point.
Payload+ EU 91.216.250.226:27015 Payload+ US 91.216.250.11:27015 Dustbowl+ US * (has become very stack-prone lately) 91.216.250.12:27015 ~~~~~
~Trying to get the word out that unlike their other servers, Casual is very barebones- no Instant Respawn, no RTD, normal map pool:
Casual NY 91.216.250.34:27015 Casual US 91.216.250.40:27015 Casual LA 91.216.250.21:27015 ~~~~~ Harvest (32-pl), also: 91.216.250.18:27015 ~~~~~
If you are super super new, their server network might be worth checking out, even if RTD, 2fort & other weird mods aren't my cup of tea: https://www.skial.com/servers/
Uncletopia - Pretty standard Casual experience except the skill level is generally higher, though it seems to be evening out honestly. And tbh from my experience people in these servers seem pretty cool. If you're looking for Vanilla I'd say this is your best bet.
https://uncletopia.com/servers
Southern Cross Gaming (Rainbow Swirl in particular) - Stumbled across this & played 1 round with these guys running a cool custom mode but apparently they run stock maps as well as custom maps/game modes. Their rules had a huge emphasis on keeping it fun & being respectful and everyone seemed really cool & laidback. It was full at peak time on the weekend. They also have other servers, even in other games & seem to have been around awhile:
IP: furfortress.com:27016 Site: https://www.scg.wtf/servers#team_fortress_2
ciggyland 18+ LGBT+ Furry server run by puppygirls
Funny, chill vibes, lots of custom maps. Seems to get full around peak time. Another diamond in the rough I discovered recently.
74.91.115.82:27015
Bad Weapon Rehabilitation (Vanilla US)
A really solid rebalancing of all weapons in-game. Nothing really feels overpowered or underpowered anymore, also fun things like flames stay on surfaces & I think spy or engy can radar enemies within a few feet or something to his team? It's really fun and gets full. Here's the site with IPs and stuff (The US server gets full around peak time, esp. on weekends)
(Yes this is the website): http://74.91.126.159/
redstar.gg - Arena server, the owner ComradeYazoo seems pretty dedicated to starting it up and I hop in whenever I can. Believe it or not it's still very fun with little people but it's gotten pretty packed a couple times. It also has like every good custom arena map, and scrambles if a team wins 3 in a row. North America I believe.
204.12.240.186:27015
Step in the Arena - Another Arena server I see get randomly populated on Saturday into Sundays around 11 P.M. - 2 A.M. EST. Probably missing a Discord announcement or something from a group of buddies.
172.240.237.2:27015
The Furry Pound - Some people list this one as one of the best non-UT for Vanilla TF2, however the one time I decided to give it a try I was met with some weird overly dramatic BS happening in Voice chat, and I heard someone else give a similar criticism the other day here. BUT, I've also seen people say they're ok. Might depend on what players/admins are on maybe, IDK:
Main server: thefurrypound.org:27015
shounic trenches (100-player TF2) - This goes against everything in my being but it's so unique and while not my cup of tea it's definitely a bunch of others'. Some maps such as pl_dbz_b5 & pl_dustbowl were created for this player count & people seem to have a lot of fun there. Again, I think 100 players is too much but I can't argue with how popular it is.
45.62.160.71:27015
UGC High Tower servers - They run no carts, so it's the TDM High Tower everyone's always dreamed of. They also run Instant Respawn and on any other map I hate that setting with a searing passion but because it's reworked as TDM I feel it actually improves the gameplay (put "high tower" including the space, and without quotes in the search box for a list of 'em in the following link):
https://www.ugc-gaming.net/servers/tf2/
UGC also runs other servers which I cannot vouch for but might be worth looking into.
Tropic Crisis Official Servers (NA, SA, EU)
These are the official servers for the Tropic Crisis project which is very very cool. I looked up their stats and most get full around standard peak hours.
Atlanta 155.138.213.202:27015 São Paulo 216.238.106.29:27015 Minsk 86.57.152.101:27025 Buenos Ares 45.235.99.105:27038
UEAKCrash's House of Nerds - official server of the mapmaker responsible for several very fun official maps. Runs a lot of very cool custom maps, Gets full on Fri, Sat night (must have a Discord/Twitch announcement I'd assume).
74.91.124.162:27015
Wolves Den - I'm going to make an exception to the "no "friendly"/non-combat server" thing (even though people seem down for combat ~50% of the time) because everyone just always seems to be having fun here. If you want to just screw around on interesting trade-type maps this is the place. Plus they have hilarious custom player models like velociraptors. (Has RTD)
162.248.92.33:27015
Samwiz1's Stupid Server - Another server I feel obligated to mention despite feeling like it's too much personally. Very goofy and people seem to have fun there.
173.237.52.135:27015
Swoocehut 2024 Workshop - Seems to be tied to a Discord as far as getting full, but runs a lot of custom maps apparently:
149.28.248.101:27015 Discord: https://swoocehut.com/discord Map rotation: https://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=2802508136
swagtown epic maps only no random crits 18+ - Suggested by someone on Steam Discussions. Looks alright- seems tied to a Discord as far as getting players, but got full last Tuesday @ standard peak hours. Looks like it runs stock & custom maps.
79.127.234.193:22136 Discord: [https://discord.gg/DTH3sMWsH8](discord.gg/DTH3sMWsH8)
TF2's Official VS Saxton Hale LOOS - 'Nuff said. Very laidback goofy atmosphere.
205.178.177.24:27027
GFL Clan (maybe???) - Someone said these guys are chill too, though I hate 2fort with a passion:
https://gflclan.com/forum/26-team-fortress-2/
Kogasatopia if you're desperate. They run some really fun mods, and solid (especially good gimmicky) custom maps, but their community is 4chan edgelords that like to say racial slurs. However their server is almost always full of people. Again, if you're truly desperate. Just mute chat & voice I guess by entering this in console (replace with 1's to re-enable)- hud_saytext_time 0;voice_enable 0
74.91.116.171:27015
The Weeabootique if you're desperate. Pretty much the same description as above. Mute chat & voice by entering this in console (replace with 1's to re-enable)- hud_saytext_time 0;voice_enable 0
198.245.61.57:27015
Custom Weapons servers (including a guide to the best one via TF2Classic)
More Arena Servers
pic of a dog
submitted by SnackPatrol to tf2 [link] [comments]
Anyone stumbling upon this: About 3 months ago I literally went through every single community server, empty/full/whatever, and added any that sounded interesting, and didn't have crazy ping to Favorites (My region is Northeast US (NJ), FYI). I repeated the process twice. There are still a bunch of good ones out there (I've also had many solid ones in my favs for quite some time) I don't know if anyone cares but been around since Beta & have run a server before.
For reference:
- Good servers (to me): Emphasis on not being a dickhead, actually gets players, if running custom content it has to be tastefully done, not bloated & tacky, ping <100, anti-teamstacking measures
- "Bad" servers/what will not be here ( again this is just my opinion, also a couple exceptions ): Instant Respawn, 1 map or game mode only, more than 32 players, RTD, "friendly"/no combat servers, unmoderated racist/toxic BS
- Servers/settings I'm indifferent towards: Crits/Nocrits, Vanilla vs. Custom, Average skill level, 24 vs. 32 player, NSFW sprays, centered around niche/"weird" fandoms, Bullet/Damagespread, Class limits
Scroll down a few lines to my "To keep it simple..." header for the best ones. The following link is a much fuller list:
- Green line ones are my seal of approval
- Pink line ones I either haven't checked out as much but seem to be ok, or have 1 big issue or 2 I think holds them back from being fully recommended
- No underline = probably seemed interesting, haven't checked out at all, or never gets full
To keep it simple, I think the best ones right now (for me are):
1st server: 74.91.115.12:27015 2nd server: 74.91.113.115:27015
108.181.63.51:27015
74.91.114.223:27015
EU (actually gets players): 141.95.28.56:27015 US: 66.206.13.139:27015
main: 87.98.254.85:27015 Nocrits (gets full Saturdays @ 1 PM - 2 PM): 87.98.254.85:27025
216.52.148.223:27015
Payload+ EU 91.216.250.226:27015 Payload+ US 91.216.250.11:27015 Dustbowl+ US * (has become very stack-prone lately) 91.216.250.12:27015 ~~~~~
~Trying to get the word out that unlike their other servers, Casual is very barebones- no Instant Respawn, no RTD, normal map pool:
Casual NY 91.216.250.34:27015 Casual US 91.216.250.40:27015 Casual LA 91.216.250.21:27015 ~~~~~ Harvest (32-pl), also: 91.216.250.18:27015 ~~~~~
If you are super super new, their server network might be worth checking out, even if RTD, 2fort & other weird mods aren't my cup of tea: https://www.skial.com/servers/
https://uncletopia.com/servers
IP: furfortress.com:27016 Site: https://www.scg.wtf/servers#team_fortress_2
Funny, chill vibes, lots of custom maps. Seems to get full around peak time. Another diamond in the rough I discovered recently.
74.91.115.82:27015
A really solid rebalancing of all weapons in-game. Nothing really feels overpowered or underpowered anymore, also fun things like flames stay on surfaces & I think spy or engy can radar enemies within a few feet or something to his team? It's really fun and gets full. Here's the site with IPs and stuff (The US server gets full around peak time, esp. on weekends)
(Yes this is the website): http://74.91.126.159/
204.12.240.186:27015
172.240.237.2:27015
Main server: thefurrypound.org:27015
45.62.160.71:27015
https://www.ugc-gaming.net/servers/tf2/
UGC also runs other servers which I cannot vouch for but might be worth looking into.
These are the official servers for the Tropic Crisis project which is very very cool. I looked up their stats and most get full around standard peak hours.
Atlanta 155.138.213.202:27015 São Paulo 216.238.106.29:27015 Minsk 86.57.152.101:27025 Buenos Ares 45.235.99.105:27038
74.91.124.162:27015
162.248.92.33:27015
173.237.52.135:27015
149.28.248.101:27015 Discord: https://swoocehut.com/discord Map rotation: https://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=2802508136
79.127.234.193:22136 Discord: [https://discord.gg/DTH3sMWsH8](discord.gg/DTH3sMWsH8)
205.178.177.24:27027
https://gflclan.com/forum/26-team-fortress-2/
74.91.116.171:27015
198.245.61.57:27015
2024.05.22 01:08 Jkm1693viola People- Why are you settling?
Okay so I was talking to a friend today who I hooked up with in Spain with seven years ago haha we had great memories and sex etc blah blah blah. Not the point haha this all happened because he messaged me on Friday and then we started flirting etc. reminiscing about our days swimming in the valleys and experiencing so many things in nature. We sexted which was super hot but this is where my point is.
He told me today he had been worried because I may fall in love with him and he already was seeing a lot of women. When I reminded him fervently that I am poly with two partners and many friends who I love and have sex with he kind of got it. Yes cultural difference in that I don’t think casual relationships are common in Spain, and also those relationships definitely do not come after being in a committed relationship to someone else 😂 But this went on to describe how the women he was seeing literally fell into bed with him and immediately caught feelings because normally and I quote “men only care about their own pleasure” and he said he cared about both.
Okay people, friends, women, folks. Hear me out. WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU SETTLING FOR THIS SHIT. Gah it makes me angry for them 😂 like why is it that firstly, if a man cares an ounce for your pleasure that all of a sudden it means they are in love with you and exclusively want you. Secondly why the hell are we tossing around love as a surface emotion without depth that a lot of men use to get people to sleep with them? Like honestly this man is 33 and hot there is no doubt, but like after three days of talking in seven years he assumes I’m going to fall in love with him the second we reconnect again when I visit Spain in the fall. Furthermore the audacity to think that his dick is so special that that would be the reason i’d visit.
Now don’t get me wrong, im Mrs. Worldwide and love my friends and benefits that i’ve made on my travels but the audacity is just, something. Like ever think women have autonomy and everything doesn’t revolve around you or what you can give them in bed?
It’s objectifying and does not allow for the idea that women may know exactly what they want, just felt like settling for less.
So in conclusion you wonderful poly friends, don’t fucking settle. Your pleasure matters, your feelings matter. We need to pick the bar of “he focused on me what a good guy” off the floor and start again. That’s bare fucking minimum. Like not something to be at all impressed by.
Okay have a splendid evening! Toodleoo!
submitted by Jkm1693viola to polyamory [link] [comments]
He told me today he had been worried because I may fall in love with him and he already was seeing a lot of women. When I reminded him fervently that I am poly with two partners and many friends who I love and have sex with he kind of got it. Yes cultural difference in that I don’t think casual relationships are common in Spain, and also those relationships definitely do not come after being in a committed relationship to someone else 😂 But this went on to describe how the women he was seeing literally fell into bed with him and immediately caught feelings because normally and I quote “men only care about their own pleasure” and he said he cared about both.
Okay people, friends, women, folks. Hear me out. WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU SETTLING FOR THIS SHIT. Gah it makes me angry for them 😂 like why is it that firstly, if a man cares an ounce for your pleasure that all of a sudden it means they are in love with you and exclusively want you. Secondly why the hell are we tossing around love as a surface emotion without depth that a lot of men use to get people to sleep with them? Like honestly this man is 33 and hot there is no doubt, but like after three days of talking in seven years he assumes I’m going to fall in love with him the second we reconnect again when I visit Spain in the fall. Furthermore the audacity to think that his dick is so special that that would be the reason i’d visit.
Now don’t get me wrong, im Mrs. Worldwide and love my friends and benefits that i’ve made on my travels but the audacity is just, something. Like ever think women have autonomy and everything doesn’t revolve around you or what you can give them in bed?
It’s objectifying and does not allow for the idea that women may know exactly what they want, just felt like settling for less.
So in conclusion you wonderful poly friends, don’t fucking settle. Your pleasure matters, your feelings matter. We need to pick the bar of “he focused on me what a good guy” off the floor and start again. That’s bare fucking minimum. Like not something to be at all impressed by.
Okay have a splendid evening! Toodleoo!
2024.05.22 00:38 SearchMelodic8804 English Paragraph Feedback
Hi! I am in year 8 and I was a bit bored so I wrote a paragraph about Boxer from animal farm. I didn’t really plan a lot so it’s not really that good or anything but I would really love your feedback. If you were to give it a grade (U-9) what would you give it? I know I’m only in year 8 but I’ve been feeling like my writing is sub par recently and I need a confidence booster lol
Through the novella, Orwell depicts Boxer as a diligent and selfless hero while simultaneously exposing the manipulation he suffered due to his naïvety and lack of autonomy. After Squealer diminished Snowball’s accomplishments in the Battle of the Cowshed, Boxer had the chance to think things over, and comes to the conclusion that ‘Napoleon is always right’. The use of the simple sentence reveals Boxer’s innocence, as well as his lack of intelligence, as he is not able to deliberate complex pieces of information. Furthermore, this quote demonstrates that he believes everything told to him by Napoleon, uncovering the degree to which Napoleon reveres and follows the Pigs, elucidating how he has been indoctrinated. This is further emphasised by the use of logical fallacy, as it is impossible for Napoleon to be right all of the time, suggesting this statement is false. From this we come to understand that Boxer is tricked and manipulated into assuming an argument that, with logic, can be easily dismantled, uncovering how it is lack of literacy that is allowing Napoleon to abuse and terrorise him and the other animals. Boxer is an extremely strong, large horse as well as the most powerful on the farm, meaning he could easily take down the Pigs with brute strength, but as he isn’t able to realise the corruptness of Napoleon’s regime or speak out against him, he ends up suffering. The adverb ‘always’ implies the fact that there is no room for dissent against Napoleon and emphasised how absolute his power is. It also suggests continued faith and devotion to a leader, and it is this devotion that keeps the animals passive towards Napoleon and his abuse. Orwell has arguably presented Boxer this way to reveal how without the benefit of learning and knowing your strength in numbers, people are susceptible to be exploited by their ruthless leaders. In the context of the Russian Revolution, Boxer alludes to the proletariat, the working class of Soviet Russia used and tortured by Stalin to promote its economy. They were minimally fed and could barely sustain their lives so by characterising Boxer in the way, Orwell uncovers the ease Stalin had in enforcing his power over Russia due to their lack of knowledge and simultaneously criticises his tyrannical rule of the people powering his nation.
submitted by SearchMelodic8804 to writingfeedback [link] [comments]
Through the novella, Orwell depicts Boxer as a diligent and selfless hero while simultaneously exposing the manipulation he suffered due to his naïvety and lack of autonomy. After Squealer diminished Snowball’s accomplishments in the Battle of the Cowshed, Boxer had the chance to think things over, and comes to the conclusion that ‘Napoleon is always right’. The use of the simple sentence reveals Boxer’s innocence, as well as his lack of intelligence, as he is not able to deliberate complex pieces of information. Furthermore, this quote demonstrates that he believes everything told to him by Napoleon, uncovering the degree to which Napoleon reveres and follows the Pigs, elucidating how he has been indoctrinated. This is further emphasised by the use of logical fallacy, as it is impossible for Napoleon to be right all of the time, suggesting this statement is false. From this we come to understand that Boxer is tricked and manipulated into assuming an argument that, with logic, can be easily dismantled, uncovering how it is lack of literacy that is allowing Napoleon to abuse and terrorise him and the other animals. Boxer is an extremely strong, large horse as well as the most powerful on the farm, meaning he could easily take down the Pigs with brute strength, but as he isn’t able to realise the corruptness of Napoleon’s regime or speak out against him, he ends up suffering. The adverb ‘always’ implies the fact that there is no room for dissent against Napoleon and emphasised how absolute his power is. It also suggests continued faith and devotion to a leader, and it is this devotion that keeps the animals passive towards Napoleon and his abuse. Orwell has arguably presented Boxer this way to reveal how without the benefit of learning and knowing your strength in numbers, people are susceptible to be exploited by their ruthless leaders. In the context of the Russian Revolution, Boxer alludes to the proletariat, the working class of Soviet Russia used and tortured by Stalin to promote its economy. They were minimally fed and could barely sustain their lives so by characterising Boxer in the way, Orwell uncovers the ease Stalin had in enforcing his power over Russia due to their lack of knowledge and simultaneously criticises his tyrannical rule of the people powering his nation.
2024.05.22 00:13 Serenity_1765 What should I do?
For context before I get on w what happened, a girl in my school drowned on Sunday, she was extremely kind, and was always helping someone, I did not know her personally but we have had small conversations every once and a while. She was always super sweet to me.
3 people who well call D, T, and J today in my class were mocking her death, quote D: "What a dumbass bitch how do you even drown" T&J: cackling and agreeing. J: She probably drowned cause shes black (dont know if this does anything but D is mexican, J is black, and T is mixed mexican and black) Me and my friends tell them to stop because it's extremely disrespectful J then goes into a screaming match about how we're childish and bitchy for getting upset about it. In response we obviously yell back, calling them assholes and they need to find some dignity and self respect. The teacher all this time is doing absolutely nothing. One of my class mates has already run out crying. I am still extremely upset right now so I'm sorry if this is like rushed or not enough details I'll try editing it later fixing anything that may need to be fixed or adjusted.
submitted by Serenity_1765 to teenagers [link] [comments]
3 people who well call D, T, and J today in my class were mocking her death, quote D: "What a dumbass bitch how do you even drown" T&J: cackling and agreeing. J: She probably drowned cause shes black (dont know if this does anything but D is mexican, J is black, and T is mixed mexican and black) Me and my friends tell them to stop because it's extremely disrespectful J then goes into a screaming match about how we're childish and bitchy for getting upset about it. In response we obviously yell back, calling them assholes and they need to find some dignity and self respect. The teacher all this time is doing absolutely nothing. One of my class mates has already run out crying. I am still extremely upset right now so I'm sorry if this is like rushed or not enough details I'll try editing it later fixing anything that may need to be fixed or adjusted.
2024.05.22 00:01 ikieneng My fanfiction - episode 4!
 | The next part is here! This episode is so long that I had to split it, and today, you're finally getting part 3 of 3. submitted by ikieneng to teamleanne [link] [comments] You can find the previous episodes in the side bar! (Community info page in the app) DISCLAIMERS (the same ones as before) The point of this fanfiction is not to be a straight-up continuation of events with the same themes, intensity, and tone. If you go into it with those expectations, you are probably not going to like it. Rather, it’s supposed to be how I wish things went if these events were real life. The resolution you want for a real-life situation isn’t often the right choice for a show, but it can be incredibly beautiful. Think of what you’re about to read to be a separate show then. Episode 1 of this fanfiction begins after the episode “2:00” (season 2 episode 4), so it replaces the episode “Cake” and the ones that follow it. This fanfiction expects you to have seen the entirety of seasons 1 and 2, so you should watch those first. I myself am bursting into the story here. The narrator and me are the same. While my character is like 95% real me, don’t take events about my life described here as facts. Some aspects of my life have been changed for the story. In my head, I started writing like an “alternate me” character in 2016, fulfilling a lot of the things that I wish I had in life, adding that to my story. I’m not really from Ukraine. I speak fluent Ukrainian as a foreign language, I started learning it in 2014, and I’ve talked to tons of people from there, but I’m not from Ukraine. I also don’t have as much money as I do in the story. I wish lmao. If you want to post your own fanfiction, feel free to do so! To get your own post flair for your fanfic, and to appear in the side bar, please message me. Part 3 (days 3 and 4) We’d wake up on day three, and still, nothing would be any different - we’re still locked up. We’d both feel really worried not knowing if we’ll have to forfeit our whole plan because we might run out of food and water and take the risky route - calling the police and getting ourselves into a situation where we’d have to be freed by force, which would be so dangerous because the Turners have proven that there’s nothing they’re not prepared to do to us to “get Jericho back”. Leanne would ask me “What do we do if we call the police, and Mrs. Turner comes up here and tries to hurt us?” At first, I’d insist that we start thinking about that when we do run out of food the next day, but she’d insist we should come up with a plan. I’d point at the corner on the edge of the attic facing Spruce Street, the corner that’s to one’s right when coming up into the attic, https://preview.redd.it/knoz0zwpou1d1.png?width=975&format=png&auto=webp&s=bd1694f292bb546ea45339ebecea7ffacfe33541 and say “Then you’d curl up and hide over there, and I’d take the radio, you’d take the metronome, and I’d sit down in front of you, shielding you, and if she gets in here before the cops do, we’ll defend ourselves. And we’d record everything on my phone. And we should probably hide behind the sofa. Maybe then, she might not notice we’re still up here at first. She’d probably be in a state of panic.” She’d look at me with sad, but touched eyes and just hug me and say thank you. I’d reply “Of course”. After some silence, I’d tell her “If anything happens to me… Please bring me back”. She’d be touched by that, but say that if she reanimates me, the Church of Lesser Saints will come after ME as well because they’ll believe that I’ll be obligated to join. With a worried smile, I’d say “I know... But they’re probably already gonna do that, right? Because I won’t let them get to you!” We’d both nod with the same half-happy, half-worried expression. “And if things go terribly wrong and you have to bring me back, we can try again!” I’d ask if I’m getting it right that the “great sins” they think she’s committing are not spending time with the Church and helping another family from the one that was assigned to her. She’d say yes and add that there’s a lot more they hate her for, like her “disobedient and rebellious streak”, disobeying their instructions, putting curses on people, and now, leaving the Marinos. https://preview.redd.it/4obn4r9uou1d1.png?width=975&format=png&auto=webp&s=1e77adafbde221c320999ba1169adb0a1c6b2b17 After a few seconds of silence (out of shock that this is how the Church of Lesser Saints frames it), I’d be like “If you disobey so many of their instructions, then...”, look her directly in the eyes, and go “Good! Keep on disobeying them! I’m actually kind of stunned that this is how they frame your actions, because that is so manipulative. Wanting to have a life where you don’t have to worry about your every step being watched and controlled, where you can actually freely explore what you believe – not what they tell you to believe, but what YOU believe, where you can do totally normal human things like listen to music, and where you can go wherever you want and make some basic decisions for yourself and work wherever you want, that doesn’t make you...” (doing the “quote-on-quote” with my hands while I say it) “quote-on-quote ‘disobedient’ or ‘rebellious’, it makes you a normal human being. If they forbid every little thing that people do that makes you happy, if you then look for happiness elsewhere, that’s on them. You can’t take every bit of joy away from people and then expect them to just deal with it. You wanting to run away, that’s the logical result of their bullshit. And you didn’t ‘leave’ the Marinos, you were taken. Don’t let them think you’re at fault in any way!” She might have never heard any verbal confirmation before that her feelings about leaving are valid, and this would be so reassuring to her. She’d tell me that whenever she did things like not be there for meals at the Church, skip assemblies, or curse people without permission, she would be brought before May and the rest of the community, get questioned about her behavior, and she’d have to self-flagellate to receive forgiveness. https://preview.redd.it/roex7c20pu1d1.png?width=975&format=png&auto=webp&s=32cecf94a41a97e66b1c74967cb074ca89321777 I’d go really still and quiet when she mentions the self-flagellation, which she’d then explain is a frequent punishment. That would freaking break my heart... I’d ask her when was the last time she hurt herself, and it was a little less than two weeks ago, before she was forced to leave the Turners. Very carefully and quietly, I’d ask her if it would be okay if she can show me her scars and add “You do NOT have to if you’re not comfortable, PLEASE don’t do it if you’re not”, and after a second, she’d nod and show me her back. My heart would break for her even more seeing her scars, I’d just express how horrible it is that they made her do that… I’d show her some of my cut wounds from when I self-harmed, which I hadn’t done in like three and a half years at that point. I’d want her to know that way that I get the urge, that I really do, but I’d tell her that hurting oneself achieves nothing. All it does is make you feel horrible mentally and physically, and every time you do it, there’s a risk of infection and even death. I’d just tell her I understand while taking her in my arms. I’d ask her to please look me in the eyes and tell me she won’t hurt herself again, and that when she feels like doing it again, to please talk to me first. She’d quietly say “I promise” while looking me in the eyes, and after some longer embraces, we’d both smile a bit, that would make me really happy to hear! I’d ask that when we’re out of here, if we can call a doctor sometime soon and get them to look at her scars to make sure none of them are infected, if she’s comfortable enough, and she’d nod and smile at me a little bit some more. We’d eat after that. We’d run out of tomato soup that meal, and I’d tell her that when we’re getting out of there, I’d get her all the tomato soup in the world! “We’re gonna fill a whole hotel fridge with tomato soup!” “And with Ben & Jerry’s?”, she’d ask, and I’d say yes and say that we’re probably gonna need more than one fridge. I’d say we’re gonna pick the nicest and most expensive hotel to stay at, an idea that she’d love! “You still think Allentown is a good idea?”, I’d ask her, and she’d think my reasoning from the day before makes sense and say yes. We’d look for the nicest hotel in Allentown online and see that there are “only” three-star hotels in Allentown. Leanne would ask if getting such an expensive place to stay is really okay, and I’d say “Money is not an issue, don’t worry about it” while reaching across her back and like caressing her right shoulder, looking her in the eyes, and smiling. “And besides, let’s spoil you, you fucking deserve it after all this!” We wouldn’t book anything yet because we wouldn’t know when we can get out of there yet, but looking at all those insanely nice hotels would lift our spirits a bit. After eating the first half of that day’s rations (only two half day’s rations would be left after that…), we’d think that it would probably be a good idea if we started writing the document for the police right now. Writing it can take hours upon hours, and there’s no point in delaying the rescue to write the document after I leave if we can do it right now, so we’d begin right that moment. It would begin something like “My name is Daria Horenko, born July 30, 1999 in Odesa, Ukraine, residing in 501 Pembroke Ave, Philadelphia 19050, Pennsylvania...” (I don’t live there. I have no idea who does. Please leave them alone lmao) “...I sent this statement to my Facebook friend Liam [...] (residing in Tipperary, Ireland, using Facebook as Liam [...]) as a PDF file and told him to call the Philadelphia police and read this statement to them if I don’t come back online and confirm that I’m okay by 10 PM Philadelphia time / 3 PM London, UK time on December 22, 2022. If he is reading this to you, it probably means that there was no sign of life from me by that time, and that I’m not safe, probably kidnapped and locked up by Dorothy Turner, Sean Turner, Julian (I’m not sure about his surname, but I’m referring to Dorothy Turner’s brother - redhead, not very tall, moderately overweight) in the attic of their residence at 9780 Spruce Street, Philadelphia 19139, Pennsylvania”, and then document everything I’ve seen in chronological order and everything that Leanne has told me, with a link to our video and photographic evidence, references to DNA evidence that can probably be found in the hole in the basement if they haven’t covered it up by now, and a statement at the end saying that I’ve written it together with Leanne to make sure that everything is correct. That would take a really long time, hours for sure. But when it’s done, I’d run spell- and grammar checks on it and send it to my printer at home, to be queued for printing when I get home and turn it on. We’d also know that today (December 21) or tomorrow will be the day when we leave one way or another, so I’d schedule a text message to 911 in 30 hours from that moment. The message would say “This is a scheduled message. If you’ve received it, then Leanne Grayson (born October 13, 2001)...” (We only ever learn Leanne’s birth year from the gravestone. October 13 is Nell Tiger Free’s birthday, so October 13, 2001 being Leanne’s birthday is kind of my headcanon) https://preview.redd.it/0hr9niq1pu1d1.png?width=975&format=png&auto=webp&s=4dbead2015781ed8beee236188b8273aac1b3fb0 “...and me (Daria Horenko, born July 30, 1999) are probably not safe, abducted and locked up against our will by Dorothy Turner, her brother Julian, and Sean Turner in the attic of their house at 9780 Spruce Street, Philadelphia 19139, Pennsylvania or somewhere else on the property. We need help immediately. The Turners should be considered dangerous and very clearly willing to use violence and intimidation. We need help NOW. Details in our prepared statement: [the link]”. Because we’re holding out hope that we won’t have to call the police from inside the attic, the document would include information on what our plan is to get Leanne (and me) out of there as safely as possible and call the police from the taxi, but that if we run out of rations, we won’t have a choice but to call the police while we’re unarmed and while the Turners still have the upper hand. We would debate whether we should include information about the Church of Lesser Saints right away or tell the police about them later because we know how that sounds, considering that this would hurt the credibility of our testimony, https://preview.redd.it/sinvabf3pu1d1.png?width=975&format=png&auto=webp&s=e37811b53eb90cb8a066bfcb30f6244bb9f34ad4 but we’d modify the document and include the most important information about them as well, with more believable explanations - how they forced Leanne and other members to self-harm (meaning that current members or those who recently left), where they’re currently operating from in Lancaster, https://preview.redd.it/mxbm8445pu1d1.png?width=975&format=png&auto=webp&s=1f9b5f1c671c15afce7149eeb90926c2c29b9bdb that they faked their deaths, that they forced Leanne to leave the Turners, and the necessary lie that they took the real baby, and that Leanne hasn’t seen it since that day and doesn’t know where they’ve taken it. We’d also include names and stuff, and most importantly, reference the baptism tape and say that it shows May and George watching us from the sidewalk outside the church less than three weeks ago, and that piece of evidence would change everything in regards to investigating the Church of Lesser Saints and make the police believe us. We’d add that it’s probably among the other DVDs in the Turners’ living room, and that I’ll try to get it when leaving the building if our original plan is still going to be an option, rip the DVD at home, and add a link to the video file to the document. We’d modify the scheduled text message as well, and we’d charge both phones, mine first because the scheduled message is so important, but it’s an iPhone, so we could charge it to 100% rather quickly and then charge hers. And we’d add that we’d want the police to get Leanne’s things from the Marino estate. All her stuff being there would be further evidence that she was taken suddenly and against her will. We’d also add what number Leanne can be reached at for now with the Samsung Galaxy phone. And then, I’d send the document to Liam on all platforms where I know how to reach him, followed by a message to alert the authorities if I’m not back online confirming that we’re both okay in what’s now probably more like 29 hours, the phone number of the Philadelphia police, and caps at the beginning saying that it’s an actual emergency. Out of nowhere, I’d ask her if she’s seen “Titanic” lmao, and with her near total isolation growing up, she wouldn’t have seen it. “I’ve only seen movies on TV”. I’d be like “I can show you lots of movies if you want! I got several subscriptions to streaming services, and also a bunch of stuff offline on an external drive at home.” https://preview.redd.it/lr58woa7pu1d1.png?width=975&format=png&auto=webp&s=63537b149270faeebb2c3f1be9ba2af0d259e1b7 Back on talking about “Titanic”, I’d tell her it’s wonderful and so freaking romantic, albeit over-the-top at times for sure and a bit overrated. It has that glossy feeling and some superficial characters to it that all James Cameron movies have, but it’s still really wonderful. After explaining the plot to her (since she’s grown up so isolated), I’d tell her about one scene that I’m thinking about a lot from time to time - near the end of the movie, when old Rose is done telling the researchers her story, she says that she doesn’t even have a picture of Jack, and that has hit me so hard from the first time I’ve seen the movie. https://preview.redd.it/96bgw8s8pu1d1.png?width=975&format=png&auto=webp&s=476c1a4cbee498c26a0be4651ef83258f0aa7748 She has no physical memories of him, she can never see his face again, and she can never show people what he looked like. That just rips my heart. I’d ask Leanne if we can take some pictures together. We’d look pretty horrible because we haven’t been able to shower in days, but we wouldn’t care and take them anyway and really, genuinely smile so hard. I’d send them to her email address (leanne_grayson@icloud.com, that email address is on her resume in the show), https://preview.redd.it/frfz9e7apu1d1.png?width=975&format=png&auto=webp&s=1b65065ab622e71f52edc6e9b84a2974e7efe9cb manually sync my gallery with iCloud, and I’d send them to Liam. I’d ask what phone she got back at the Marinos’ and if she’s got any pictures of herself in her iCloud gallery, but she’d tell me she’s rarely ever taken pictures of herself, only for the resume she applied at the Turners’ for, and I’d be like “Whaaaaat? But you’re so beautiful!”, and she’d smile hard, a bit embarrassed. I’d look her straight in the eyes and say it again and say that I mean it for real, she is so incredibly beautiful! It’s probably so rare that anyone’s ever said that to her in her entire life (her mother definitely didn’t, and given that the Church of Lesser Saints believes that anything that feels good is dangerous, https://preview.redd.it/msylzejbpu1d1.png?width=975&format=png&auto=webp&s=b343bf8d10b86f7c731eed3c8a5204460daec4d4 it’s rather unlikely that they did), Tobe saying it in “Balloon” might even have been the only time ever… https://preview.redd.it/jdce6tndpu1d1.png?width=975&format=png&auto=webp&s=c9edaacd72634c3dbe7dbf29abcc84f2412a10d4 I’d then add “Inside AND out!”, and she’d smile some more in a bit of embarrassment and then look me in the eyes and say “You, too, Daria!”, and as you’d expect, I’d smile so hard and even with my eyes! It would be rather late by then, so we’d eat and listen to some more music together from the Spotify playlist I created for her and talk so much about what we’re hearing. After dinner, she’d bring the topic up on her own (this is kind of making fun of these fan theories) - she’d tell me that some in the Church of Lesser Saints think she’s the Devil or Lilith because of her rebelliousness, and how she’s inspired doubt in some people in the Church. I’d make such a weirded-out face. After realizing she’s serious, I’d say “If you are the Devil, then hail Satan! Like, seriously, if YOU are what God is threatening will happen if we don’t follow him, then that’s literally the weakest threat I’ve ever heard of. Then God is the villain here. We need more people like you in the world!” Shy as she still is, she’d still be almost embarrassed to hear this (she’s so not used to compliments), and I’d make it clear I’m serious, that I really think she’s fricking wonderful and the sweetest, and that she clearly has a huge heart full of so much love, and that she deserves so much better than what she’s ever experienced! Almost in denial, she’d see in my eyes that I really mean it and just smile and hug me, and then, we’d both smile even more! I’d rub her back a lot in that moment and promise her again that everything will be okay. “I’ll make sure of that!” After some more music together, knowing that tomorrow will be the day we leave, no matter which plan we’ll go with, we’d make sure we haven’t forgotten anything. Looking around, I’d realize I have to give her my earphones with a cord because the internal mic of my Samsung Galaxy S5 Mini is essentially useless. I’d tell her that when I call her the next day to tell her it’s safe to come downstairs now, she should answer the call, plug in the earphones, and then, it will take a few seconds until I can hear her, but then, it should be fine. We’d set a code phrase that I’ll mention to let her know if the Turners got me and it’s NOT safe to come down. She’d suggest “tomato soup”, and I’d smile and say yes, that’s gonna be our code phrase. “And if it IS safe to come down?”, she’d ask, and I’d suggest “ice cream”. I’d realize that we should probably find her fresh clothes in the attic and a coat right now, so as I said, it’s not too obvious that she’s been locked up for a long time the second she walks out of the door, because if she’s in dirty clothes or nightwear, with it being obvious that she hasn’t showered in days, and I get her out of there and into a taxi to drive off while I got a gun, it would look as if I was kidnapping her, so we’d find her a nice dress and coat up there, and I’d turn around and close my eyes while she puts it on, and when she’s done, I’d tell her again that she looks amazing! 😊 https://preview.redd.it/zp5gbjwfpu1d1.png?width=975&format=png&auto=webp&s=777d2120f72b5002e2d5e5e9ffe4760ab2d5fada And she’d smile and thank me this time, sort of the way she says it to the makeup artist at the street fair in S3E5 “Tiger” in that typical way of hers that’s so adorable for real, https://preview.redd.it/fuu6x7ohpu1d1.png?width=975&format=png&auto=webp&s=ec5f23b8de4568996bd6e4c706ab4f95b8f98063 and she’d look in my direction and say “You look really beautiful, too!”, really shy, before peeking me in the eyes for a moment, and we’d just look at each other for a moment. “Can I have your pictures?”, she’d ask me, and I’d say yeah, open my iPhone, and select ALL pictures of myself in my gallery and send them to her email address, and send her those that are too large via a Google Drive link (iCloud isn’t great for sharing files lol), and then, I’d take her Samsung Galaxy S5 Mini, download them all (which would take a while because that phone is ancient), and set one of the pictures we’ve taken together as her wallpaper, and then set it as my wallpaper on my iPhone as well! 😊 We’d consider if there’s anything else we’ve missed. She’d mention that parts of the floor screech, especially one tile, so when I sneak out, I gotta be careful on the stairs, especially with that one tile. https://preview.redd.it/nijqz08jpu1d1.png?width=975&format=png&auto=webp&s=6f6756ae6c304a5f5133c21ef857e0f91c6c91d7 After a few seconds, she’d ask me if we wanna book a hotel now, and I’d smile and say sure! “Did you like any hotels in particular, out of the ones we looked at?” She’d say “The one with the big jacuzzi looks great” with big eyes and enthusiasm in her voice, like she does during some of her conversations with Tobe in S3E5 “Tiger”. “You’ve ever been in a jacuzzi?”, I’d ask her, and she’d go “Nooo, but I wanna try!” in the same tone, https://preview.redd.it/6rh2p63lpu1d1.png?width=975&format=png&auto=webp&s=987a19161b85fe5ee6a500f452c168ba7dec961b and so, after lying down now, we’d look up which hotel she was talking about and book a two-room suite in that hotel in Allentown for three weeks. I’d add “So we can easily look out for each other, and so you’ll also have some privacy.”, and she’d smile and nod, that consideration would probably mean a lot to her. We’d then get ready for bed. For the next day, I’d get some better clothes as well and put them on while she’s turned around with her eyes closed. I’d take the last ration of food out of my backpack, put the clothes I just took off at the bottom of it, above Leanne’s Bible (the porcelain baby and card are already in one of the other pockets), and put my phone and the chargers in another pocket. I’d look around and ask her if there’s anything else I should take with me to safeguard, and at first, she’d also look around because she wouldn’t know how to answer right away, but she’d then point at Mrs. Barrington with her face, https://preview.redd.it/amqsh2mmpu1d1.png?width=975&format=png&auto=webp&s=12d0bfe376210a8798671d45f31e96e28037870b and I’d be like “Well, I think she’s a little too big for my backpack, but I can talk to the police when we’re out of here, maybe we can try to get her!”, and Leanne would nod with a big smile again. We’d lie down on the mattress and share the covers again. Just like the night before, I’d lie down on the side of the mattress that’s closer to the stairs, in case Dorothy changes her mind and tries to assault Leanne again… On the mattress, she’d suddenly hug me really tight, break into tears, and thank me over and over again, and I’d just hold her tight, say “Of course”, and assure her that everything’s gonna be okay, that we’ll get out of there tomorrow. I’d wipe some of her tears off her face 🥺 On the mattress, we’d just look each other in the eyes and both just smile more and more, and after a minute or two, she’d kiss me on the lips for a tiiiiny moment and then, we’d just smile at each other even harder! She’d say “I’m not supposed to do that” while still smiling just as hard and looking me directly in the eyes! “Says who?”, I’d reply. She goes “My aunts and uncles”, and I’d say “I don’t think they’re a reliable source!”, and we’d kiss each other some more and longer, and both feel each other’s smile on our lips, and peek at each other a few times in between 😊🥰❤️ We’d both put our arms around each other before telling each other good night and before I promise her one more time it’s all going to be okay! https://preview.redd.it/08fqmdqspu1d1.png?width=975&format=png&auto=webp&s=477498f6f3e6260f2a0429defebf98475b14eda1 At some point during the night, she’d wake me up, and when she does, I’d realize I had a nightmare, like, not from my night terrors, and she’d tell me I had a nightmare, that I was sniffling in my sleep, and that I told her two days earlier to wake me up if this happens. Still feeling terrible (the feeling of immediate dread always takes a while to subside for me), I’d thank her. I’d ask what I was saying, and she’d say that I wasn’t speaking English. I’d consider if I should tell her for a moment, but then, I’d take a deep breath, look up for a second, and with a heavy voice, slowly say “What if we try plan A tomorrow, and I fail? I’m scared… I don’t wanna mess this up… I don’t wanna fail you…” And she’d slowly look at me and just say two words: “You haven’t!” I’d look at her and almost laugh a bit out of joy. I’d smile and just cuddle up to her a bit, and she’d do it back. I’d say I’ll try to listen to music for a while to calm down because doing something else makes it much easier for me to zone out of the feeling of dread again. “Why only you?”, she’d ask. “I don’t wanna keep you awake”, I’d say, “You need the sleep”, and she’d say “It’s okay” and just smile a bit, and so, we’d listen to some music together for about half an hour. I’d tell her that my sleep is so horrible (she’d say she can tell) because I don’t have my meds, and I’m really fricking looking forward to taking them again. Without them, the quality of my sleep is terrible, and it takes so long for me to fall asleep at all if I don’t take them. She’d ask if I’ve taken them for a long time, and I’d say that I haven’t taken these particular meds for long because whatever I take, my body builds up some resistance to them pretty quickly, so after a while, I always have to get new ones, but I’ve taken sleeping meds for years now. “It sounds like they’re really helping you, right?”, she’d ask, and I’d nod and say “Yeah, they really do. I’m also taking antidepressants, and they were an absolute gamechanger for me. It’s okay if I don’t take them for a few days because they don’t work in the moment, but they like rewire your brain over time, and they’re the best thing that’s ever happened to my mental health. Before I started taking them, it was so hard for me to avoid bad thoughts or resist them, like, it was hell, but ever since then, it got sooo much easier, and not letting things get to me or not letting bad things really take over me is just so much easier now.” After a while, I’d say “I was at a psychiatric clinic voluntarily for six months, but I also had nowhere else to go, and the doctors and employees really abused their power. They only intervened when there was physical violence, they didn’t intervene in any other conflicts, so because of them, the patients constantly bullied each other. My doctor switched to another department while I was there, so I got a new one, and the new one wasn’t perfect, but at least, she cared. I got really lucky to get a place at a living group for mentally ill people, which was when I could finally leave. But honestly, all my experiences with mental health professionals since then have been better. I went to a different clinic for four or five days voluntarily in 2019, and even they were far better. “That sounds scary…”, she’d say. I’d reply “It was. But things got much better after that. I had lots of setbacks, like, you know, but if you get help, it’s always better.” After the current song’s over, we’d lie down to try and sleep again. We’d smile at each other again in bed, and I’d give her a short-ish kiss before saying good night, and we’d both smile even harder after that 😁 And we would fall asleep for good after a while (it would still take me longer than her). In the morning, Leanne would wake me up again. She’d show me that the door is unlocked and open by a little bit now (they’re “letting” her out for a few hours…), https://preview.redd.it/sqql9udupu1d1.png?width=975&format=png&auto=webp&s=b2505bc6f7795639777433a1897f0d31e5753d67 and we’d both just embrace and chuckle in huge joy, as we can go with plan A now, the less risky one! We’d remember to quiet down after a few seconds and whisper from then on out. I’d go to the toilet roll, take eight pieces, rip them into two bands of four pieces each, and roll each of them up into a little bunch. I’d give them to her and tell her to put them into the wall pieces of the door when she gets out (so it looks like the door is closed while it can’t actually lock) and give me an audible signal when the third floor is clear, so I’ll get out with my backpack, take out the toilet paper, and hide in her room. https://preview.redd.it/bzze2o6wpu1d1.png?width=304&format=png&auto=webp&s=aaa155b611408db6e9960485f6f726125fc2698d “Is there anything you want me to get from there?”, I’d ask. “No. Everything is here or at the Marinos’.” I’d go “Okay” and move on - since I’m almost definitely unable to come down to the second floor right away (I’m using American English in all of these episodes. “First floor” in American English = “ground floor” in British English; “Second floor” in American English = “first floor” in British English; “Third floor” in American English = “second floor” in British English, etc.), she’d give me a signal when coming back upstairs. We’d agree that when she comes back upstairs, if it’s safe to go to the second floor, she’d shout something, maybe in conversation, maybe some sort of cry, doesn’t matter, and if not, she’d kick something. She’d be locked upstairs again after that, so I’ll have to tell when to get further downstairs myself, which I’d do as soon as I’ve heard absolutely no sounds from inside the house for at least a few minutes. On the first floor, I’d get the DVD from March 11, 2001, and if the baptism tape isn’t clearly labeled among the tapes, I’d unplug the DVD player from the TV, turn on the player, open the DVD slot, and if the tape isn’t in there, I’d take all unlabeled tapes. I’d then listen in on the basement door for a few seconds, and if I hear no sounds from down there, I’d quietly open the basement door and go downstairs, and if no one’s there, I’d get out through the side entrance down there, out through the back gate, walk back to Spruce Street, drive my bike home, take a shower, watch the tape from March 11, 2011 like she told me I could, hide it somewhere at home, print out the document for the police, take it with me in an envelope, print out a second version of it to give to the taxi driver, so I can say “If I’m not back in an hour, please call the police for me and read this to them”. I’d then call a taxi (a taxi with a large trunk whose driver is allowed to drive to Allentown and back), load my gun, and leave for the Turners’ and get Leanne. We’d see that Liam has replied by now. Of course, he’d be super worried, but he’s got our backs for the plan, and that would be really reassuring. We’d look each other in the eyes, and then, I’d hug her sooo tight for several seconds, and we’d have one loooong kiss (hoping it’s not the last time we see each other…) before she goes downstairs while looking back at me on the way before putting the toilet paper in the door. I’d then put on my backpack. Once Leanne loudly shouts “Mister Turner?”, that would be my signal, and I’d hide in her room for about 45 minutes before she’s “let” back upstairs and shouts “You can lock me in now, Mrs. Turner”, https://preview.redd.it/uy9loclypu1d1.png?width=975&format=png&auto=webp&s=16abd51170405f1ef3123ff22f4559642a0c0c92 which is when I’d sneak into the storage/guest room and wait. It would take like five hours until I hear nothing for a while, which is when I’d sneak onto the first floor, look around to make extra sure no one’s there, and go to the living room. I’d get the tape from March 11, 2011, and the baptism tape would be among the labeled DVDs, and I’d put it into the box of the March 11, 2011 tape (I’d put the original DVD loose in there and use the spot inside the box for the baptism tape because it’s probably more important. I then wouldn’t hear anything from the basement, so I’d slowly and quietly go down there. No one would be there, so I’d leave as planned and go home and take a shower. I’d watch the March 11, 2011 DVD. I’d be surprised to see the interaction between Leanne and Dorothy for sure, but sort of knowing her, I wouldn’t think anything bad of it. I’d actually get it because of my past celebrity crushes (which I know isn’t what she was feeling for Dorothy) and the desire to meet them, especially with Blanche. I’d get why Leanne wouldn’t want the police to see it, it would look bad for her. I’d wrap up the DVD in a thick piece of paper and tape it to the back of my closet, between the closet and the wall. I’d burn the piece of paper in the DVD case in my bathtub with a bucket of water next to me just in case. I’d test if the DVD of the baptism tape still works (it does), rip it, upload the video file to Google Drive, add it to the document for the police, cancel my printing queue, print the document (two versions of it. The one for the taxi driver would just have a short introduction at the beginning, like, that I’m the person who ordered the taxi), order the taxi, pack my things for the next couple of weeks and anything that Leanne might need, so I’d include any clothes that I think could fit her, and go to the taxi. I’d tell the driver to get me one block away from 9780 Spruce Street (which isn’t actually a real address, by the way) and wait there for me. Before leaving for the Turner house, I’d give him the envelope with his version of the letter for the police and tell him what I said I would tell him. I’d then get my backpack with the gun in it from my luggage in the trunk, and walk to the Turners’ house. I have already "written" so much more in my head, but I've now reached the end of what I've actually written down, so it will take longer until the next episode is out now! Hope you've enjooooyed this one! |
2024.05.22 00:01 Gossip-Luv2 Retrieved the content of Tweets on SLB's eccentricities - The Mythmaker’s Legacy - Mirror, Mirror on the Wall, I am the Greatest of Them All!
Thanks to Patron Member u/Entharo_entho - Here is the wiped out Tweet retrieved
Context - Wiped out from Internet
In March, I got a chance to work with filmmaker Sanjay Leela Bhansali right after he made Gangubai Kathiawadi, and Alia Bhatt, playing the titular character in the film, retweeted me.
The headline (in my head) was going to be, ‘The Boy From Kamathipura Goes To Bhansali Mandi.’
Then reality struck in April.
One of my closest friends Sweta called me from the Shivapuri National Park near Kathmandu and put me on speaker. Two other friends Mona and Ayush were listening to the WhatsApp call.
‘How’s it going with Bhansu?’ Sweta asked.
‘We are not working together anymore,’ I said.
‘Whaaaaaaaat?’ the three people shrieked, creating a wavy disturbance in audio frequency.
‘Whyyyyy?’ they cried, collectively anguished.
‘He said he is not feeling the vibes.’
‘What?’
‘Vibes,’ I said aloud, causing a seismic tremor in the audio frequency.
‘What vibes?’ Sweta jibed, ‘Maybe he can’t feel the vibrator.’
Laughter upped the vibes.
First, a little context on how I got that far. Check this, this, this & this.
So my tweets were going viral in February-March.
In the second week of March, a woman DM’d me saying she loves the tweets. I said thank you. She said she works at Bhansali Productions.
Whoopsie Daisy!
I asked if I could be a part of the production. She checked with SLB and team. He said he wants to meet now.
NOW!
How?
I was in Calcutta.
I called an actor friend in Bombay and told him about it.
“They will book your tickets and put you up in 5-star,” he said, “Like Hollywood.”
“This is Bhansaliwood,” I said, “Yahan dhanda hamesha manda hai.”
I flew (on my own expense) and met him.
I was ‘prepared’ by his team for the meeting with His High and Mightiness.
I was told:
I sashayed in a brown kurta and white linen trousers. Please see Madhuri Dixit-Nene’s brown ghagra for aesthetic reference I used from my very limited wardrobe of the only kurta I had at the time. By the way, the chorus sings ‘Jhanak Jhanak Payal Baaje,’ aesthetically referencing you know what, right?
He was lunching with his minions (strictly calling them minions from his pov) when I arrived in his pristine white dining hall in a building called Magnum Opus. Where else should he reside, no? Both his house, and his office (where I was ‘prepared’ earlier) were tastefully done in creamy white.
It was, as I said to my friend later, like walking into a cumulus cloud, or like sitting on his favourite singer Lata Mangeshkar’s lap. Calm, serene and quite surreal. I was inside his snow globe. Violins from a Bach concerto (in my head) were replaced with say Madan Mohan’s doleful rendition of ‘Mai ri main ka se kahoon peedh apne jiya ki.’ (Side effect of writing this on Mother’s Day.)
I look for books when I enter a house for signs of intelligent life. There were lots of lamps and candelabras but where were the stacks of books they were perched on? The aesthetic was high on film set disposable kitsch. I stared into a cumulative void.
The minions were intensely debating Darjeeling momos. What’s that? I spent my childhood there. Never heard of this GI tag!
SLB relished his meal and said, “I want puranpoli today.”
Puranpoli appeared not out of thin air, but a house-help flipping wishes instantly on a griddle on the fifth floor. We were on the first floor. Although the puranpoli is shaped like a flying saucer, it doesn’t fly, perhaps burdened by the weight of excess ghee and crowd-pleasing expectation. It does, however, reach SLB’s plate at the speed of light.
‘Give him some,’ he asked a minion to serve me while I waited on the sofa.
‘I’ve had lunch, thank you,’ I said, trying to behave. The plate arrived. I took a mousy bite to exhibit my failing attempt to transform into a champion minion.
When he came to chat, he noticed the unfinished food and gently reminded me how there were days he went hungry. I should have rolled my eyes for my own lean days.
‘One should not waste food,’ he said.
‘I don’t,’ I said, ‘I was going to parcel it home in a doggy bag.’
Hearing the word doggy, his well-behaved dog came over to inspect me.
He observed me. I petted her perfunctorily. Am a cat person. Stereotypical writer stuff — allergic to undesired petting and attention.
‘So, what have you done?’ he asked, sitting on a sort of empire-style bergere chair. Full marks for faux-ornate.
‘A novel, some writing for a series,’ I said nervously, dismissively.
‘Anything I might have seen?’ he asked.
‘No, not worthwhile.’
‘Are you interested in direction also?’
‘No, am not delusional.’
A moment passed. I might have displayed an errant repartee.
‘I mean, I can only write, or am trying to,’ I said. L’esprit de l’escalier.
He gave me a spiel on writing, how screenplay is an art not many understand, etc, et cetera.
I nodded to make his voice disappear.
‘What are you writing now?’
I showed him the cover of my new book, The Last Courtesan, featuring my mother, on my phone.
‘Oh, this is so fascinating,’ he said.
He spoke rapturously about Calcutta’s great food and colonial architecture when I mentioned growing up in Bowbazar kothas. If you watch any of his interviews now on YouTube you will realise he only speaks in raptures. He’s always explaining things like an impassioned conductor at a dime-store opera. It can exhaust the boorish audience immediately. He spoke about living in the Kamathipura area as a child when I said I had lived there. The mythmaker was interested in exoticising his own legend as an ‘outsider’.
‘But how will you work here if your mother is in Calcutta?’ he said, ‘I am a maa-ka-bhakt.’
Everything is about him or his mother. I have reached that stage too, though only by circumstances unavoidable.
‘Actually it was my mother who asked me to come here. I told her it would only work out if you understand that I will have to vacillate between the two cities initially. Jaise Sanjay ki Leela hai, waise meri Rekha.’
Corny dialogue, but worked. No one calls him by his first name, except perhaps his own mother. He is sir for everyone.
‘If I am speaking to you for so long means I like you,’ he said. ‘Otherwise, I would have asked you to leave long ago.’
Barely five minutes into the conversation, he asked me to return to his office and inform his team that I was going to be a part of his writer’s room.
I went back to his office and read a script. This is the part I cannot mention. His legal team sits in the adjacent room.
I flew to Calcutta and was to return after a week. I had to make arrangements for my mother’s tri-weekly dialysis sessions at a nearby hospital, figure out a tiffin-delivery service for her, find a house help (she sent four nurses scurrying in the past), all of which is a bit of a task in this retrograde city.
Remember the woman who had DM’d me about my tweets? She messaged. She had met SLB after my meeting. He said this about me: ‘What a wonderful find. That boy has so much potential and is talented. Most importantly, he is sensitive.’
I told her I’d get this engraved on my tombstone.
Like how he wants to take Alia Bhatt’s golchakkar in Dholida to his grave.
“It’s a shot that I will take to my grave. If there’s any shot that I want to be played when I breathe my last, it would be Alia doing that shot. It is the best thing I have seen an actor do in a very long, long time.”
I was only emulating the high priest of hyperbole in my tombstone comment. Perhaps I was regressing into a minion.
I had only managed a few tasks for mother when I was back in Bombay. It worried me that the old, frail woman with shaky limbs and slurred speech was trying to be brave to send me to work. I hadn’t worked since the pandemic; she was in and out of hospitals so frequently that I had surrendered the thought of getting another job ever again. Taking care of her was my full-time job.
The first day in his office was to chill in my new, aesthetically pleasing kurta I had shopped for in Gariahat. There was a security camera in every corner that was apparently accessible on his phone. My skin tingled with this information. Chilled. He was at home. Probably watching. That’s a great way to create a myth.
The next day, there were more minions on the lunch table in his first floor apartment. The magically appearing steamy and fragrant sheera was delicious. A minion deemed it the best sheera in the city. I nodded to make that statement evaporate.
A courier boy interrupted for a document signature. SLB flared at a spelling mistake in the document papers.
‘Go wash your face and come back,’ he yelled at the young man.
The minions at the table laughed nervously. I so wished I was wearing a mask to cover my surprise emoji face.
The minions on the table were writers and assistant directors.
‘Dastavez,’ SLB said, ‘would that be correct to use?’
‘Kaaghzaat,’ the minion replied.
‘Kaaghzaat is paper, dastavez is document,’ said the second minion.
‘You always mislead me,’ SLB sternly reprimanded the first minion. ‘Don’t ever do that again.’
Only that minion tried to laugh, offering an apology. He shut the minion down.
My mask, my mask emoji face.
A third minion was sulking in a corner before I arrived for the writing session. This minion had reportedly offered a script suggestion, which he disliked and barked down. I liked this minion the most. Relatable.
A faint noise of a person running or perhaps just a rumbling sound from somewhere outside interrupted the room. He looked up at the ceiling and said, ‘No one lives there. Am certain it is a ghost. I hear running sounds all the time. I have heard sounds of furniture being dragged.’
I wondered if he actually believed in half the things he uttered, or was he just saying it to create enigma about himself. Mythical thoughts certainly kept him preoccupied.
Reality bored him. SLB had nothing good to say about the ‘current plague’ of South Indian films upsetting the Bollywood cartel. He compared them to a circus. He wasn’t kind to the actors he had worked with in his last film. He cracked lame jokes about everyone and everything. The minions laughed and kept him busy. I chuckled a few times to blend in. The mythmaker revelled in his prophesies about the impending doom of charlatans with no aesthetics: just crass, commercial peddlers pimping art. It was all said to amuse and bemuse while he fussed over the yellow shade of fabric from several swatches.
When he left for his music session, the minions bitched him out, and how! All the horror stories I had heard over the years about his moods, behaviour, language and violent temper were true. How else will he create myth about himself as a maestro? The Glomar response. Let the plebs indulge in hearsay. I will neither confirm nor deny. The minions sang effigy songs in happy tunes, if I may stretch this part a bit like his penchant for high camp.
That night, when I went to my actor friend’s house, where I was temporarily staying, I said to him, ‘I don’t think I will last a week there.’
I was rattled by how he spoke to the courier boy and the minions, with no filter. Well, at least it was clear he had no tact, endearing as that might be of a ‘genius’ if one compromises with his erratic behaviour. The CEO of his company does it beautifully and advises to develop a ‘thick hide’ around him. Cows, essentially.
Verve
The words genius, great, master, maverick, were so loosely bandied by his office staff even in his absence that I was tempted to add auteur, if they could spell or pronounce it. They worked in perpetual fear of him turning up at any hour and checking on their tidiness. A minion whined she wasn’t dressed appropriately for his surprise visit. Once, he even cut pay for unscheduled leave, said another minion. A minion narrated a shot he copied from a photographer in Gangubai Kathiawadi. Another minion recounted how he made her cry on shoot by screaming at her for a silly mistake. Minions couldn’t leave the office till his evenings were scheduled. It was a well-paying job so long as they did not have to see ‘chacha’s’ face and only applaud his cinematic sorcery.
His office team would assign me desk-work and warn me not to inform him about it.
‘What am I supposed to say if he asks?’
‘Make up something,’ I was told.
‘Why should I?’
‘You will slowly understand,’ I was told.
His team of assistants would sneak around me. I didn’t know who was reporting what back to him. He would interrogate the management team. They would lash out at me for informing the assistants. The management wanted to control me a certain way because ‘sir’ does not need to know everything. It was quite a guessing game. He had created an ecosystem of complete chaos and loved the hubbub. New people were hired for him to use the ‘new energy’ to rekindle the ‘old energy’ that needed to be reminded it could be snuffed out and replaced. He thrived on confusion because it all boiled down to him to sort out the mess. He was the provider so long as the minions ingratiated and served their grand master.
One time he called me upstairs, what his CEO called the god’s chamber aka the Shahenshah’s durbar: his office on the seventh floor. Walls were lined with giant posters of his films. We minions sat on the fifth floor. I was of course by now a week old in the toady mill. On the seventh floor, production team members, set designer, director assistant, young people sat on the floor, armed with notebooks and laptops, alert and sugar-tongued. He sat on a throne and dictated each one about their duty. A masseur massaged his leg. He asked me what I thought of a script. I said it was lovely. He asked me to elaborate. I said I liked a character’s resolve. He denied it was written. I said that’s my interpretation. A minion promptly backed me.
‘What changes do you suggest?’ he asked.
‘We should sit on it collectively and decide,’ I said.
He mumbled something. My suggestion was dismissed. I was dismissed. I bowed out. A minion whispered to me, ‘We all walk on eggshells around him.’ I had to be a chicken in a coop I suppose.
Another time he dismissed my suggestion for a scene saying, ‘That’s not how art is made.’ I had referenced a scene from Bandit Queen to illustrate my point. Just like his entire oeuvre is homage to a classic. How else does he make his art?
Allow me to illustrate with a frame from his first film Khamoshi: The Musical. The second image is from Pakeezah.
Hum Dil De Chuke Sanam references Red Beard, Woh 7 Din.
Devdas references Pakeezah more than once.
Black references The Miracle Worker.
Saawariya references Pyaasa, Awaara.
Guzaarish references Whose Life Is It Anyway?
Goliyon Ki Raasleela: Ram-Leela references Franco Zeffirelli’s Romeo and Juliet, West Side Story.
Bajirao Mastani references Mughal-E-Azam.
Padmaavat references Mirch Masala.
Gangubai Kathiawadi, let’s give him the benefit of doubt is all his own, original artistry.
The American filmmaker Jim Jarmusch once meta quoted the French filmmaker Jean-Luc Godard when he said:
“Nothing is original. Steal from anywhere that resonates with inspiration or fuels your imagination. Devour old films, new films, music, books, paintings, photographs, poems, dreams, random conversations, architecture, bridges, street signs, trees, clouds, bodies of water, light and shadows. Select only things to steal from that speak directly to your soul. If you do this, your work (and theft) will be authentic. Authenticity is invaluable; originality is non-existent. And don’t bother concealing your thievery — celebrate it if you feel like it. In any case, always remember what Jean-Luc Godard said: “It’s not where you take things from — it’s where you take them to.”
SLB believes he takes art and betters it, removing the grubby coat of slime from the sublime, often not concerned with acknowledging the source. He is a master’s master, elevating it to an otherworldly experience, the creator of a mythoverse.
He asked me to rewrite a scene I didn’t agree with. He banged the script folders on the table like a petulant, little child. I watched his posture change into a frump. Tiger Shroff’s ‘Bacchi ho kya,’ dialogue comes to mind.
‘You are talking like those critics who find fault but don’t know how to write. They should write the film,’ he said.
That argument will never make sense to me but since I write movies now and not just about them, I rewrote the scene in half an hour and showed it to him. He found it rubbish.
I was not called to the writer’s room for a week.
His CEO said I should go to his house; hang around him, like the other assistants whose only purpose in life is to feed his ego. We are slaves to his vision, she said. She thought I was a better writer than the team he had assembled. ‘From whatever I read, only three lines of your work on social media, I could sense it,’ she said.
Either she was encouraging, or bluffing with a perfectly Zen face. From the hundreds of Ganesh idols stacked in her room, it was clear she wasn’t a reader. She was good at reading numbers, data, and stats. She would sense a sign if one of the metal idols sucked milk from a spoon on the day she enquired about box –office figures.
There was more than one right-wing hardliner in his office. Secular staff was invisible. A pretty minion in baby pink t-shirt, whose main grouse was that another minion called him a Barbie doll, said he was happy with the Modi government building roads in his home state Bihar. Another minion countered him by asking: What about the persecution of minorities by the same government? The pretty minion said he didn’t care for that. He was assisting ‘sir’ because he wanted to be an actor. Which lead me to wonder how many Muslim actors has this production worked with? Silly of me to think, right? Given that I myself don’t use my Muslim surname. I’ve now successfully planted a myth in your head. That’s how it works.
In the time that I was in Versova during my brief stint at Bhansali Productions, I met several people with their own SLB horror story. A producer said, ‘He is a difficult man but life changes for good after you work with him. Some people want to go through hell first. Life bann jaati hai.’ I didn’t understand why purgatory was necessary. Another former assistant said, ‘When you work with the worst (SLB) and the best (KJO), you are ready for the rest.’
A young woman gave him a thesis she wrote on his films. He asked her to write a book on her. She said she wanted to assist as a director. She never heard from him. A filmmaker said SLB was too friendly with another assistant, suggesting intimacy. A writer wasn’t given credit in a film.
Another writer was promised his script will be turned into a film but it never took off and now he feels his life has been ruined. A young filmmaker’s debut movie SLB produced was delayed, not promoted, and called ‘kachra’ to his face.
The young man said SLB is sexist, homophobe, classist, fat shamer, emotional abuser, and a body shamer. “He is a joyless pit of darkness where happiness goes to die. And those are the nicest words I can think of to describe him,” he said. Another filmmaker said a choreographer was in a relationship with SLB and wanted to marry him but he wouldn’t even touch her, a hotly discussed conversation amongst his minions.
Everything sounds hokum. A successful man is likely to upset a few. The few will talk. Their words may ring true through a gossamer veil of implausibility. Myths magnifying his persona.
There are too many myths about his personal life, aroused by his silence on the subject but all too obvious in his work. When people want to confirm with me, I am equally appalled at their lack of aesthetics. Like the great reader of curtains, Edgar Allan Poe, you only have to look at SLB’s use of billowy curtains in films to guess.
Hope you get the drift, or draft, hawa ka jhonka! By the way, am digressing now, is the weirdly named character Sameer Rosselline in Hum Dil De Chuke Sanam the first mainstream Hindi film hero to pass wind? The ruffled curtains are first to be cautioned though.
Unlike most people willing to swallow their pride to work with SLB, few like the eponymous Gangubai character choose izzat. The house-help employed in my actor friend’s house was asked to work as a cook in his house. When she heard the whimsy, dessert-craving demands, she declined the offer. I identify with her no-nonsense style.
In November 2021, a filmmaker read a film script I wrote and said, ‘This is SLB territory. Only he can make it. It is the modern love-story he has been wanting to make for a long time.’
‘Are you sure?’ I asked, somewhat flattered but also bewildered.
‘Yes, we just have to change the setting from Calcutta-Bombay to Calcutta-New York. It is what he has been trying to crack. I’ll get him to read it.’
I never spoke to SLB about my script. I did not want to look like a schemer. I had only got a chance because of my mother’s story. I had come to write courtesan songs. Hindi films are recognised by their songs. His films have show tunes that live on long after the sequins and mirrors reflect a decadent style. He employs the old-fashioned method of making Hindi films, which is to stitch scenes around a song, not the other way round. And when you glean your references from the best of classical melodies, how can you falter?
My own SLB story is that after watching Saawariya in 2007, I wrote a few songs, moved to Bombay, lived in Versova, close to Magnum Opus, and hoped to meet him, but made no effort even though I came in close contact with people who worked directly with him. I never requested for a meeting. Over the years, I too had heard a few horror stories about him. I only believe in what I see. I waited when he would call for me, my work would have to speak for itself.
A day before Good Friday, his CEO sat me down and said it’s not working out.
There’s a mythical story of how Lata Mangeshkar was on her way to record a song for SLB but the heavens poured and she had to turn her car back. A typical SLB frame of hope and hopelessness.
Never work with your idols. You’ll have a better story to imagine and create myths.
I was so relieved to leave. I hadn’t got a moment to read, or write, let alone think since I got here. Why I wanted to work with SLB was to not believe in hearsay. I will either confirm or deny.
‘Great,’ I said, ‘everyone deserves an off on Good Friday.’
The office was unsure about public holidays. SLB’s mood dictated the calendar.
Before returning to Calcutta, I met a friend entrenched in the film business.
When she heard of the fiasco, she said, ‘I’ve heard he is very anal, is he?’
The vibrator jokes never stop.
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Context - Wiped out from Internet
In March, I got a chance to work with filmmaker Sanjay Leela Bhansali right after he made Gangubai Kathiawadi, and Alia Bhatt, playing the titular character in the film, retweeted me.
The headline (in my head) was going to be, ‘The Boy From Kamathipura Goes To Bhansali Mandi.’
Then reality struck in April.
One of my closest friends Sweta called me from the Shivapuri National Park near Kathmandu and put me on speaker. Two other friends Mona and Ayush were listening to the WhatsApp call.
‘How’s it going with Bhansu?’ Sweta asked.
‘We are not working together anymore,’ I said.
‘Whaaaaaaaat?’ the three people shrieked, creating a wavy disturbance in audio frequency.
‘Whyyyyy?’ they cried, collectively anguished.
‘He said he is not feeling the vibes.’
‘What?’
‘Vibes,’ I said aloud, causing a seismic tremor in the audio frequency.
‘What vibes?’ Sweta jibed, ‘Maybe he can’t feel the vibrator.’
Laughter upped the vibes.
First, a little context on how I got that far. Check this, this, this & this.
So my tweets were going viral in February-March.
In the second week of March, a woman DM’d me saying she loves the tweets. I said thank you. She said she works at Bhansali Productions.
Whoopsie Daisy!
I asked if I could be a part of the production. She checked with SLB and team. He said he wants to meet now.
NOW!
How?
I was in Calcutta.
I called an actor friend in Bombay and told him about it.
“They will book your tickets and put you up in 5-star,” he said, “Like Hollywood.”
“This is Bhansaliwood,” I said, “Yahan dhanda hamesha manda hai.”
I flew (on my own expense) and met him.
I was ‘prepared’ by his team for the meeting with His High and Mightiness.
I was told:
Arre, then what do I say?
I sashayed in a brown kurta and white linen trousers. Please see Madhuri Dixit-Nene’s brown ghagra for aesthetic reference I used from my very limited wardrobe of the only kurta I had at the time. By the way, the chorus sings ‘Jhanak Jhanak Payal Baaje,’ aesthetically referencing you know what, right?
He was lunching with his minions (strictly calling them minions from his pov) when I arrived in his pristine white dining hall in a building called Magnum Opus. Where else should he reside, no? Both his house, and his office (where I was ‘prepared’ earlier) were tastefully done in creamy white.
It was, as I said to my friend later, like walking into a cumulus cloud, or like sitting on his favourite singer Lata Mangeshkar’s lap. Calm, serene and quite surreal. I was inside his snow globe. Violins from a Bach concerto (in my head) were replaced with say Madan Mohan’s doleful rendition of ‘Mai ri main ka se kahoon peedh apne jiya ki.’ (Side effect of writing this on Mother’s Day.)
I look for books when I enter a house for signs of intelligent life. There were lots of lamps and candelabras but where were the stacks of books they were perched on? The aesthetic was high on film set disposable kitsch. I stared into a cumulative void.
The minions were intensely debating Darjeeling momos. What’s that? I spent my childhood there. Never heard of this GI tag!
SLB relished his meal and said, “I want puranpoli today.”
Puranpoli appeared not out of thin air, but a house-help flipping wishes instantly on a griddle on the fifth floor. We were on the first floor. Although the puranpoli is shaped like a flying saucer, it doesn’t fly, perhaps burdened by the weight of excess ghee and crowd-pleasing expectation. It does, however, reach SLB’s plate at the speed of light.
‘Give him some,’ he asked a minion to serve me while I waited on the sofa.
‘I’ve had lunch, thank you,’ I said, trying to behave. The plate arrived. I took a mousy bite to exhibit my failing attempt to transform into a champion minion.
When he came to chat, he noticed the unfinished food and gently reminded me how there were days he went hungry. I should have rolled my eyes for my own lean days.
‘One should not waste food,’ he said.
‘I don’t,’ I said, ‘I was going to parcel it home in a doggy bag.’
Hearing the word doggy, his well-behaved dog came over to inspect me.
He observed me. I petted her perfunctorily. Am a cat person. Stereotypical writer stuff — allergic to undesired petting and attention.
‘So, what have you done?’ he asked, sitting on a sort of empire-style bergere chair. Full marks for faux-ornate.
‘A novel, some writing for a series,’ I said nervously, dismissively.
‘Anything I might have seen?’ he asked.
‘No, not worthwhile.’
‘Are you interested in direction also?’
‘No, am not delusional.’
A moment passed. I might have displayed an errant repartee.
‘I mean, I can only write, or am trying to,’ I said. L’esprit de l’escalier.
He gave me a spiel on writing, how screenplay is an art not many understand, etc, et cetera.
I nodded to make his voice disappear.
‘What are you writing now?’
I showed him the cover of my new book, The Last Courtesan, featuring my mother, on my phone.
‘Oh, this is so fascinating,’ he said.
He spoke rapturously about Calcutta’s great food and colonial architecture when I mentioned growing up in Bowbazar kothas. If you watch any of his interviews now on YouTube you will realise he only speaks in raptures. He’s always explaining things like an impassioned conductor at a dime-store opera. It can exhaust the boorish audience immediately. He spoke about living in the Kamathipura area as a child when I said I had lived there. The mythmaker was interested in exoticising his own legend as an ‘outsider’.
‘But how will you work here if your mother is in Calcutta?’ he said, ‘I am a maa-ka-bhakt.’
Everything is about him or his mother. I have reached that stage too, though only by circumstances unavoidable.
‘Actually it was my mother who asked me to come here. I told her it would only work out if you understand that I will have to vacillate between the two cities initially. Jaise Sanjay ki Leela hai, waise meri Rekha.’
Corny dialogue, but worked. No one calls him by his first name, except perhaps his own mother. He is sir for everyone.
‘If I am speaking to you for so long means I like you,’ he said. ‘Otherwise, I would have asked you to leave long ago.’
Barely five minutes into the conversation, he asked me to return to his office and inform his team that I was going to be a part of his writer’s room.
I went back to his office and read a script. This is the part I cannot mention. His legal team sits in the adjacent room.
I flew to Calcutta and was to return after a week. I had to make arrangements for my mother’s tri-weekly dialysis sessions at a nearby hospital, figure out a tiffin-delivery service for her, find a house help (she sent four nurses scurrying in the past), all of which is a bit of a task in this retrograde city.
Remember the woman who had DM’d me about my tweets? She messaged. She had met SLB after my meeting. He said this about me: ‘What a wonderful find. That boy has so much potential and is talented. Most importantly, he is sensitive.’
I told her I’d get this engraved on my tombstone.
Like how he wants to take Alia Bhatt’s golchakkar in Dholida to his grave.
“It’s a shot that I will take to my grave. If there’s any shot that I want to be played when I breathe my last, it would be Alia doing that shot. It is the best thing I have seen an actor do in a very long, long time.”
I was only emulating the high priest of hyperbole in my tombstone comment. Perhaps I was regressing into a minion.
I had only managed a few tasks for mother when I was back in Bombay. It worried me that the old, frail woman with shaky limbs and slurred speech was trying to be brave to send me to work. I hadn’t worked since the pandemic; she was in and out of hospitals so frequently that I had surrendered the thought of getting another job ever again. Taking care of her was my full-time job.
The first day in his office was to chill in my new, aesthetically pleasing kurta I had shopped for in Gariahat. There was a security camera in every corner that was apparently accessible on his phone. My skin tingled with this information. Chilled. He was at home. Probably watching. That’s a great way to create a myth.
The next day, there were more minions on the lunch table in his first floor apartment. The magically appearing steamy and fragrant sheera was delicious. A minion deemed it the best sheera in the city. I nodded to make that statement evaporate.
A courier boy interrupted for a document signature. SLB flared at a spelling mistake in the document papers.
‘Go wash your face and come back,’ he yelled at the young man.
The minions at the table laughed nervously. I so wished I was wearing a mask to cover my surprise emoji face.
The minions on the table were writers and assistant directors.
‘Dastavez,’ SLB said, ‘would that be correct to use?’
‘Kaaghzaat,’ the minion replied.
‘Kaaghzaat is paper, dastavez is document,’ said the second minion.
‘You always mislead me,’ SLB sternly reprimanded the first minion. ‘Don’t ever do that again.’
Only that minion tried to laugh, offering an apology. He shut the minion down.
My mask, my mask emoji face.
A third minion was sulking in a corner before I arrived for the writing session. This minion had reportedly offered a script suggestion, which he disliked and barked down. I liked this minion the most. Relatable.
A faint noise of a person running or perhaps just a rumbling sound from somewhere outside interrupted the room. He looked up at the ceiling and said, ‘No one lives there. Am certain it is a ghost. I hear running sounds all the time. I have heard sounds of furniture being dragged.’
I wondered if he actually believed in half the things he uttered, or was he just saying it to create enigma about himself. Mythical thoughts certainly kept him preoccupied.
Reality bored him. SLB had nothing good to say about the ‘current plague’ of South Indian films upsetting the Bollywood cartel. He compared them to a circus. He wasn’t kind to the actors he had worked with in his last film. He cracked lame jokes about everyone and everything. The minions laughed and kept him busy. I chuckled a few times to blend in. The mythmaker revelled in his prophesies about the impending doom of charlatans with no aesthetics: just crass, commercial peddlers pimping art. It was all said to amuse and bemuse while he fussed over the yellow shade of fabric from several swatches.
When he left for his music session, the minions bitched him out, and how! All the horror stories I had heard over the years about his moods, behaviour, language and violent temper were true. How else will he create myth about himself as a maestro? The Glomar response. Let the plebs indulge in hearsay. I will neither confirm nor deny. The minions sang effigy songs in happy tunes, if I may stretch this part a bit like his penchant for high camp.
That night, when I went to my actor friend’s house, where I was temporarily staying, I said to him, ‘I don’t think I will last a week there.’
I was rattled by how he spoke to the courier boy and the minions, with no filter. Well, at least it was clear he had no tact, endearing as that might be of a ‘genius’ if one compromises with his erratic behaviour. The CEO of his company does it beautifully and advises to develop a ‘thick hide’ around him. Cows, essentially.
Verve
The words genius, great, master, maverick, were so loosely bandied by his office staff even in his absence that I was tempted to add auteur, if they could spell or pronounce it. They worked in perpetual fear of him turning up at any hour and checking on their tidiness. A minion whined she wasn’t dressed appropriately for his surprise visit. Once, he even cut pay for unscheduled leave, said another minion. A minion narrated a shot he copied from a photographer in Gangubai Kathiawadi. Another minion recounted how he made her cry on shoot by screaming at her for a silly mistake. Minions couldn’t leave the office till his evenings were scheduled. It was a well-paying job so long as they did not have to see ‘chacha’s’ face and only applaud his cinematic sorcery.
His office team would assign me desk-work and warn me not to inform him about it.
‘What am I supposed to say if he asks?’
‘Make up something,’ I was told.
‘Why should I?’
‘You will slowly understand,’ I was told.
His team of assistants would sneak around me. I didn’t know who was reporting what back to him. He would interrogate the management team. They would lash out at me for informing the assistants. The management wanted to control me a certain way because ‘sir’ does not need to know everything. It was quite a guessing game. He had created an ecosystem of complete chaos and loved the hubbub. New people were hired for him to use the ‘new energy’ to rekindle the ‘old energy’ that needed to be reminded it could be snuffed out and replaced. He thrived on confusion because it all boiled down to him to sort out the mess. He was the provider so long as the minions ingratiated and served their grand master.
One time he called me upstairs, what his CEO called the god’s chamber aka the Shahenshah’s durbar: his office on the seventh floor. Walls were lined with giant posters of his films. We minions sat on the fifth floor. I was of course by now a week old in the toady mill. On the seventh floor, production team members, set designer, director assistant, young people sat on the floor, armed with notebooks and laptops, alert and sugar-tongued. He sat on a throne and dictated each one about their duty. A masseur massaged his leg. He asked me what I thought of a script. I said it was lovely. He asked me to elaborate. I said I liked a character’s resolve. He denied it was written. I said that’s my interpretation. A minion promptly backed me.
‘What changes do you suggest?’ he asked.
‘We should sit on it collectively and decide,’ I said.
He mumbled something. My suggestion was dismissed. I was dismissed. I bowed out. A minion whispered to me, ‘We all walk on eggshells around him.’ I had to be a chicken in a coop I suppose.
Another time he dismissed my suggestion for a scene saying, ‘That’s not how art is made.’ I had referenced a scene from Bandit Queen to illustrate my point. Just like his entire oeuvre is homage to a classic. How else does he make his art?
Allow me to illustrate with a frame from his first film Khamoshi: The Musical. The second image is from Pakeezah.
Hum Dil De Chuke Sanam references Red Beard, Woh 7 Din.
Devdas references Pakeezah more than once.
Black references The Miracle Worker.
Saawariya references Pyaasa, Awaara.
Guzaarish references Whose Life Is It Anyway?
Goliyon Ki Raasleela: Ram-Leela references Franco Zeffirelli’s Romeo and Juliet, West Side Story.
Bajirao Mastani references Mughal-E-Azam.
Padmaavat references Mirch Masala.
Gangubai Kathiawadi, let’s give him the benefit of doubt is all his own, original artistry.
The American filmmaker Jim Jarmusch once meta quoted the French filmmaker Jean-Luc Godard when he said:
“Nothing is original. Steal from anywhere that resonates with inspiration or fuels your imagination. Devour old films, new films, music, books, paintings, photographs, poems, dreams, random conversations, architecture, bridges, street signs, trees, clouds, bodies of water, light and shadows. Select only things to steal from that speak directly to your soul. If you do this, your work (and theft) will be authentic. Authenticity is invaluable; originality is non-existent. And don’t bother concealing your thievery — celebrate it if you feel like it. In any case, always remember what Jean-Luc Godard said: “It’s not where you take things from — it’s where you take them to.”
SLB believes he takes art and betters it, removing the grubby coat of slime from the sublime, often not concerned with acknowledging the source. He is a master’s master, elevating it to an otherworldly experience, the creator of a mythoverse.
He asked me to rewrite a scene I didn’t agree with. He banged the script folders on the table like a petulant, little child. I watched his posture change into a frump. Tiger Shroff’s ‘Bacchi ho kya,’ dialogue comes to mind.
‘You are talking like those critics who find fault but don’t know how to write. They should write the film,’ he said.
That argument will never make sense to me but since I write movies now and not just about them, I rewrote the scene in half an hour and showed it to him. He found it rubbish.
I was not called to the writer’s room for a week.
His CEO said I should go to his house; hang around him, like the other assistants whose only purpose in life is to feed his ego. We are slaves to his vision, she said. She thought I was a better writer than the team he had assembled. ‘From whatever I read, only three lines of your work on social media, I could sense it,’ she said.
Either she was encouraging, or bluffing with a perfectly Zen face. From the hundreds of Ganesh idols stacked in her room, it was clear she wasn’t a reader. She was good at reading numbers, data, and stats. She would sense a sign if one of the metal idols sucked milk from a spoon on the day she enquired about box –office figures.
There was more than one right-wing hardliner in his office. Secular staff was invisible. A pretty minion in baby pink t-shirt, whose main grouse was that another minion called him a Barbie doll, said he was happy with the Modi government building roads in his home state Bihar. Another minion countered him by asking: What about the persecution of minorities by the same government? The pretty minion said he didn’t care for that. He was assisting ‘sir’ because he wanted to be an actor. Which lead me to wonder how many Muslim actors has this production worked with? Silly of me to think, right? Given that I myself don’t use my Muslim surname. I’ve now successfully planted a myth in your head. That’s how it works.
In the time that I was in Versova during my brief stint at Bhansali Productions, I met several people with their own SLB horror story. A producer said, ‘He is a difficult man but life changes for good after you work with him. Some people want to go through hell first. Life bann jaati hai.’ I didn’t understand why purgatory was necessary. Another former assistant said, ‘When you work with the worst (SLB) and the best (KJO), you are ready for the rest.’
A young woman gave him a thesis she wrote on his films. He asked her to write a book on her. She said she wanted to assist as a director. She never heard from him. A filmmaker said SLB was too friendly with another assistant, suggesting intimacy. A writer wasn’t given credit in a film.
Another writer was promised his script will be turned into a film but it never took off and now he feels his life has been ruined. A young filmmaker’s debut movie SLB produced was delayed, not promoted, and called ‘kachra’ to his face.
The young man said SLB is sexist, homophobe, classist, fat shamer, emotional abuser, and a body shamer. “He is a joyless pit of darkness where happiness goes to die. And those are the nicest words I can think of to describe him,” he said. Another filmmaker said a choreographer was in a relationship with SLB and wanted to marry him but he wouldn’t even touch her, a hotly discussed conversation amongst his minions.
Everything sounds hokum. A successful man is likely to upset a few. The few will talk. Their words may ring true through a gossamer veil of implausibility. Myths magnifying his persona.
There are too many myths about his personal life, aroused by his silence on the subject but all too obvious in his work. When people want to confirm with me, I am equally appalled at their lack of aesthetics. Like the great reader of curtains, Edgar Allan Poe, you only have to look at SLB’s use of billowy curtains in films to guess.
Above stanza, courtesy Poe, poem: The Raven.
Hope you get the drift, or draft, hawa ka jhonka! By the way, am digressing now, is the weirdly named character Sameer Rosselline in Hum Dil De Chuke Sanam the first mainstream Hindi film hero to pass wind? The ruffled curtains are first to be cautioned though.
Unlike most people willing to swallow their pride to work with SLB, few like the eponymous Gangubai character choose izzat. The house-help employed in my actor friend’s house was asked to work as a cook in his house. When she heard the whimsy, dessert-craving demands, she declined the offer. I identify with her no-nonsense style.
In November 2021, a filmmaker read a film script I wrote and said, ‘This is SLB territory. Only he can make it. It is the modern love-story he has been wanting to make for a long time.’
‘Are you sure?’ I asked, somewhat flattered but also bewildered.
‘Yes, we just have to change the setting from Calcutta-Bombay to Calcutta-New York. It is what he has been trying to crack. I’ll get him to read it.’
I never spoke to SLB about my script. I did not want to look like a schemer. I had only got a chance because of my mother’s story. I had come to write courtesan songs. Hindi films are recognised by their songs. His films have show tunes that live on long after the sequins and mirrors reflect a decadent style. He employs the old-fashioned method of making Hindi films, which is to stitch scenes around a song, not the other way round. And when you glean your references from the best of classical melodies, how can you falter?
My own SLB story is that after watching Saawariya in 2007, I wrote a few songs, moved to Bombay, lived in Versova, close to Magnum Opus, and hoped to meet him, but made no effort even though I came in close contact with people who worked directly with him. I never requested for a meeting. Over the years, I too had heard a few horror stories about him. I only believe in what I see. I waited when he would call for me, my work would have to speak for itself.
A day before Good Friday, his CEO sat me down and said it’s not working out.
There’s a mythical story of how Lata Mangeshkar was on her way to record a song for SLB but the heavens poured and she had to turn her car back. A typical SLB frame of hope and hopelessness.
Never work with your idols. You’ll have a better story to imagine and create myths.
I was so relieved to leave. I hadn’t got a moment to read, or write, let alone think since I got here. Why I wanted to work with SLB was to not believe in hearsay. I will either confirm or deny.
‘Great,’ I said, ‘everyone deserves an off on Good Friday.’
The office was unsure about public holidays. SLB’s mood dictated the calendar.
Before returning to Calcutta, I met a friend entrenched in the film business.
When she heard of the fiasco, she said, ‘I’ve heard he is very anal, is he?’
The vibrator jokes never stop.
2024.05.21 23:58 Jim-Panzy Quick question about stolen, then sold items.
So, this has been eating away at the last few remaining braincells I have left for months, (the good news is that I should be a vegetable by noon tomorrow. yay!) ever since my account was “hacked”… I use quotes because I really don’t think they had to do much to get in. 2 point verification must mean that steam gives you 2 “rad points” for signing up, allowing them to treat your account like a house that has a “free candy” bucket on halloween… because it sure as sugar doesn’t stop theives!
Let me get to the freakin point before I start ranting about something else unrelated!
What is the actual reasoning that steam gives for not reimbursing items that are stolen/traded/sold? **To be double clear, I’m not asking what the BS con artist line they feed us is when it happens, I’m basically asking what legal loophole do they use, or how can they get away without reimbursement when
A. I actually have one account (out of who knows how many involved) who was in on the theft without a doubt! Because they showed up in my friends list right before it happened, and I literally don’t accept friends I don’t know in real life… there are 3 legit people there!!! (worst case scenario, the items are digital, so they can just copy/paste)
B. the account buying has at least a 50/50 chance of being in on the theft. How could they set up a sale for items they didn’t yet have, yet sell them all within a few minutes of getting into my account?
C. So to explain above, I happened to catch my theives in real time, and there is absolutely nothing you can do to as far as contacting someone - customer service doesn’t exist, nor is there any “emergency freeze” for your account should you notice anything happening (I spammed the shiz outta them with whatever button I could find that even resembled “help”, which I think stopped a lot more loss!)
So to sum it up, I’d say there’s an insane amount of negligence on their part, and I think for over 10 years I did about as good as one could to prevent anyone in, yet it happened! Has nobody ever called the better business bureau, or tried a class action with this? Because it’s mind blowing that these con artists are #1 with how little thought they put behind 90% of their actions, and never address the most important things like security, but will sink lord knows how much money into …a store facelift?!?! Are you pulling my wang-jobber?!
I’m getting just as enraged now as when it happened, someone has to have a worse story than this, but I don’t know if I should hear about it?
Help Dear Abby!!!
submitted by Jim-Panzy to SteamScams [link] [comments]
Let me get to the freakin point before I start ranting about something else unrelated!
What is the actual reasoning that steam gives for not reimbursing items that are stolen/traded/sold? **To be double clear, I’m not asking what the BS con artist line they feed us is when it happens, I’m basically asking what legal loophole do they use, or how can they get away without reimbursement when
A. I actually have one account (out of who knows how many involved) who was in on the theft without a doubt! Because they showed up in my friends list right before it happened, and I literally don’t accept friends I don’t know in real life… there are 3 legit people there!!! (worst case scenario, the items are digital, so they can just copy/paste)
B. the account buying has at least a 50/50 chance of being in on the theft. How could they set up a sale for items they didn’t yet have, yet sell them all within a few minutes of getting into my account?
C. So to explain above, I happened to catch my theives in real time, and there is absolutely nothing you can do to as far as contacting someone - customer service doesn’t exist, nor is there any “emergency freeze” for your account should you notice anything happening (I spammed the shiz outta them with whatever button I could find that even resembled “help”, which I think stopped a lot more loss!)
So to sum it up, I’d say there’s an insane amount of negligence on their part, and I think for over 10 years I did about as good as one could to prevent anyone in, yet it happened! Has nobody ever called the better business bureau, or tried a class action with this? Because it’s mind blowing that these con artists are #1 with how little thought they put behind 90% of their actions, and never address the most important things like security, but will sink lord knows how much money into …a store facelift?!?! Are you pulling my wang-jobber?!
I’m getting just as enraged now as when it happened, someone has to have a worse story than this, but I don’t know if I should hear about it?
Help Dear Abby!!!
2024.05.21 23:52 brad35309 Help me understand this standpoint please
A coworker linked me to this sub via a post about wolves and predation.
a particular comment has me baffled as to why someone could feel this way, and why people support it.
the comment, or part of it in question is
"How are we gonna convince those type of people that nature is cruel and we should help end wild animal suffering even if it means interference?"
How can we challenge the idea that nature is good, when the concept/idea of what good is is man made?
If i tried to imagine myself as any other organic living entity on this planet, in any scenario i can't see an outcome of wow, nature is bad.
I would like to think that nature is not good nor bad, that it just exists. And that events we are able to see/are aware of are only good or bad based on our opinions, and the opinions of others that we base ours on in most cases, as a lot of us don't live or experience said scenarios anymore.
As cruel as nature seems at times, nature is just as loving and kind 10 times over i feel. I also feel you really cannot control nature.
Quoting the above quote "we should help end wild animal suffering" If i am understanding this stance correctly, you want to kill predators humanely so they don't kill pray inhumanely, if only so nature isn't so cruel in the predatoprey dynamic. But, if a predator has the means to kill humanely, they are allowed to exist? If this is the case, how is this humane for the predators who have no choice but to survive by killing inhumanely?
Or, assuming that all predators kill inhumanely, be it a tiger who goes for the throat and kills quickly, vs a Komodo dragon who, let me tell you, is not an easy site to watch them eat, especially larger prey. How is that fair or humane to the Tiger?
The concept of helping end wild animal suffering by going out and killing the wild animals we deem as killing inhumanely in a humane way, seems inhumane to me?
Am i misunderstanding this concept?
At the end of the day, nature is natural, and it happened before us, and will continue after us. And that us getting involved to that level doesn't help nature, it only helps us with our feelings on how nature handles itself.
My personal stance is that nature is neither good nor bad, right or wrong. It just is, and we are apart of it. Because we are so far advanced in ages, that i think we have lost sight of how we came to be. Like, say, 10,000 years ago, when our early ancestors where hunting mammoths. I don't think there were any easy or clean ways to kill them. I can imagine is was brutal and terrifying and frightening for both the human and the mammoth.
Do our ancestors deserve to be euthanized humanely because they lacked the tools for a humane kill? Or is it now that we have advanced, and that the idea of being able control nature is real to some, that nature has evolved from bad but necessary to unnecessarily bad? Even than, as just another resident of nature, what gives us the right to try and control it?
submitted by brad35309 to natureisterrible [link] [comments]
a particular comment has me baffled as to why someone could feel this way, and why people support it.
the comment, or part of it in question is
"How are we gonna convince those type of people that nature is cruel and we should help end wild animal suffering even if it means interference?"
How can we challenge the idea that nature is good, when the concept/idea of what good is is man made?
If i tried to imagine myself as any other organic living entity on this planet, in any scenario i can't see an outcome of wow, nature is bad.
I would like to think that nature is not good nor bad, that it just exists. And that events we are able to see/are aware of are only good or bad based on our opinions, and the opinions of others that we base ours on in most cases, as a lot of us don't live or experience said scenarios anymore.
As cruel as nature seems at times, nature is just as loving and kind 10 times over i feel. I also feel you really cannot control nature.
Quoting the above quote "we should help end wild animal suffering" If i am understanding this stance correctly, you want to kill predators humanely so they don't kill pray inhumanely, if only so nature isn't so cruel in the predatoprey dynamic. But, if a predator has the means to kill humanely, they are allowed to exist? If this is the case, how is this humane for the predators who have no choice but to survive by killing inhumanely?
Or, assuming that all predators kill inhumanely, be it a tiger who goes for the throat and kills quickly, vs a Komodo dragon who, let me tell you, is not an easy site to watch them eat, especially larger prey. How is that fair or humane to the Tiger?
The concept of helping end wild animal suffering by going out and killing the wild animals we deem as killing inhumanely in a humane way, seems inhumane to me?
Am i misunderstanding this concept?
At the end of the day, nature is natural, and it happened before us, and will continue after us. And that us getting involved to that level doesn't help nature, it only helps us with our feelings on how nature handles itself.
My personal stance is that nature is neither good nor bad, right or wrong. It just is, and we are apart of it. Because we are so far advanced in ages, that i think we have lost sight of how we came to be. Like, say, 10,000 years ago, when our early ancestors where hunting mammoths. I don't think there were any easy or clean ways to kill them. I can imagine is was brutal and terrifying and frightening for both the human and the mammoth.
Do our ancestors deserve to be euthanized humanely because they lacked the tools for a humane kill? Or is it now that we have advanced, and that the idea of being able control nature is real to some, that nature has evolved from bad but necessary to unnecessarily bad? Even than, as just another resident of nature, what gives us the right to try and control it?
2024.05.21 23:45 WhatCanIMakeToday ComputerShare Confirms DSPP Details (Both in DTC and Beneficially Owned)
 | ComputerShare has generously updated their FAQ on holding registered shares and Paul Conn has generously answered some questions on video about DRS and DSPP shares. [1] submitted by WhatCanIMakeToday to Superstonk [link] [comments] Chain Of CustodyA chain of custody [Wikipedia] represents the documentation of ownership and/or control as an item may pass through various parties. Applied here to registered shares, a chain of custody can detail who owns a share and through whom, if applicable. As is generally well known on this subreddit, “street name” shares all have a chain of custody from Cede & Co through DTC to broker to a “street name” shareholder as the ultimate beneficial owner. Based on ComputerShare’s answer outlining the chain of custody and ownership for Pure DRS and DSPP shares, we can identify 3 separate categories of ownership with 3 different chains of custody as shown and described here with color coding:Illustrating Chain Of Custody For DRS & DSPP Shares per ComputerShare 1. DRS or Pure DRS shares (Purple) have no “chain of custody” as “investors hold the shares in their own name” with “no intermediary”. This is as clean and clear as you can get for ownership of property where investors have both title and possession (see below for more details on these terms). 2. DSPP Shares @ ComputerShare (Light Purple) For DSPP shares, there can be 2 different chains of custody for shares which I’ll denote as “DSPP @ CS” or “DSPP @ DTC”. The “DSPP @ CS” shares comprise 80%-90% of Plan shares which are “held on the register in the main class”. The chain of custody for this “DSPP @ CS” group of shares is “CPU Nominee” to Investor where CPU is shorthand for ComputerShare as their ticker symbol is CPU [Wikipedia]. ComputerShare’s nominee is Dingo & Co. For this group of 80-90% of DSPP shares, ComputerShare’s ledger identifies ComputerShare’s nominee. As ComputerShare (or their nominee) are the only intermediary, title and possession of these shares is clean and clear. 3. DSPP Shares @ DTC (Light Pink) For DSPP shares held via ComputerShare’s broker at DTC (denoted as “DSPP @ DTC”), the chain of custody is Cede & Co to ComputerShare’s broker to ComputerShare to Investor. For this group of 10-20% of DSPP shares, ComputerShare’s ledger identifies Cede & Co (who holds shares for the DTC which is a subsidiary of the DTCC). DSPP Shares @ DTC ARE Beneficially Owned By InvestorsWe can build upon that Overview diagram with more detailed information from ComputerShare who directly answers questions about DSPP shares held at DTC for Operational Efficiency and which, if any, shares may be beneficially owned.For the DSPP @ DTC shares, “Computershare holds the title for the benefit of the underlying plan participants” where shares are held with ComputerShare’s broker who has an account at the “DTC [who] holds shares on the register through Cede & Co”. (Red) ComputerShare also says a “portion of shares will be beneficially owned by the investors” referring to “any portion of the Plan shares in a brokerage account through DTC”, which corresponds to the DSPP@DTC category. (No other chain of custody meets that description and there are only two possibilities for Plan shares.) Thus, the DSPP@DTC shares are beneficially owned by investors. (From the previously available FAQ text, we also know that “[t]hese particular shares are maintained by [ComputerShare’s] broker (for the benefit of Computershare, and in turn, for the benefit of plan participants” so the line from Broker to ComputerShare is also labeled FBO designating “for the benefit of” for beneficial ownership [Wikipedia]. Detailed Illustration Of Chain Of Custody for DRS & DSPP Shares per ComputerShare To be abundantly clear regarding the “DSPP shares held at the DTC for Operational Efficiency” (denoted DSPP@DTC), “On the ledger, the title for this specific portion of the shares falls within the Cede & Co holding”. TADR: ComputerShare Has Confirmed
Title & PossessionTitle identifies who has rights to ownership and possession of property.https://preview.redd.it/6ja7ax0piu1d1.png?width=1732&format=png&auto=webp&s=d951547572ffa97cebdc72e025596c96961a41cd “Title is distinct from possession)” where “possession and title may each be transferred independently of the other.” [Wikipedia: Title (property))] The concept of separating title from possession for property (including securities) may not be well known or familiar to everyone and, I suspect, was a huge fundamental source of confusion. Title basically identifies who owns property while possession is who holds property. Here are a couple (hopefully) relatable examples to illustrate this concept to help clear up confusion: Example 1: Your Wife’s Boyfriend Driving Your Car Imagine your wife and her boyfriend are speeding down Lover’s Lane when they’re pulled over by a cop. The cop will ask for license and registration because those two documents identify who is in possession of the car (i.e. your wife’s boyfriend as the driver) and who is the registered owner with title to the car (i.e., you), respectively. Applying this to stocks, we can ask the “license & registration” question of every party in possession of GameStop stock to determine who has title and/or possession. Apes have title and possession of pure DRS shares. But for DSPP@DTC shares, title for shares begin at Cede & Co passing down to ComputerShare; while apes only have possession of beneficial rights to shares. (See, e.g., “On the ledger, the title for this specific portion of the shares falls within the Cede & Co holding”, “Computershare holds the title for the benefit of the underlying plan participants”, and “that portion of shares will be beneficially owned by the investors”. [Updated FAQ]) Example 2: Your Home Imagine you are renting your home. As a renter, you probably tell people the place is “yours” because you have possession by renting even though your landlord is the owner with title to “your” home. This is an example where we use the term “your” to refer to having possession without title. At the same time, if someone were to ask your landlord if the place you rent is theirs, your landlord would also say yes. Me to Your Landlord: Is that your place where the ape lives?In this case, the same term “your” refers to having title without possession. Which means that two different parties, you and your landlord, can simultaneously claim ownership of your home depending solely on having either title or possession; without needing both. Applying this to the various Chains of Custody shown above for GameStop, we can see how both Cede & Co and ComputerShare have title to DSPP@DTC shares (see, e.g., “On the ledger, the title for this specific portion of the shares falls within the Cede & Co holding” and “Computershare holds the title for the benefit of the underlying plan participants”). And for DSPP@CS shares, we can see how both Dingo and apes hold shares (i.e., possession; see, e.g., “Dingo holds assets but does not own any of them” and “all plan holders are treated as registered holders of the company”) with ownership by apes (see, e.g., “As a nominee, Dingo & Co has no interest in and no rights to the property it holds in its name on behalf of Computershare” and “While Dingo & Co holds plan shares on the registers of Computershare’s issuer clients, the owners are treated as the registered owners of the plan shares”). [Updated FAQ] DSPP in TWO PARTSBased on the above, we can visualize the aggregate DSPP “Plan” shares as divided into two parts: (a) 80-90% held by ComputerShare through their nominee, Dingo, and (b) 10-20% held in DTC; with the corresponding chain of custody.DSPP Holdings Are Split In Two Portions BUT BUT BUT… SEC email!A previous post summarized an email response from the SEC as “PLAN SHARES ARE OUT OF DTC” [SuperStonk]. Unfortunately, that was a mis-reading of the SEC email with a misleading post title. We can illustrate the SEC response with color coding as shown below (and with comparison to ComputerShare's disclosure):Slightly different words, but similar overall description The SEC clearly states that “the overall count of issuer plan shares includes” (orange) two parts (a) investor shares held at the transfer agent (light purple) and (b) non-investor shares (light pink); thus we can divide up a box representing issuer plan shares (orange) into two parts labeled investor shares (light purple) and non-investor shares (light pink). The investor shares portion is described by the email with two statements: “The investor’s shares are not held at DTC” and “investor shares held at the transfer agent”. We can annotate the investor shares portion with both of those statements. The non-investor shares portion is described by a single statement: “The non-investor shares are held by the transfer agent’s broker at DTC in order to facilitate settlement for plan sales that occur” which can be similarly annotated for the non-investor shares portion (light pink). Visualizing statements in the SEC email allows comparing the SEC’s description and ComputerShare’s description, where we see striking similarities for the description of Plan shares.
Part 2, the shares held at DTC, is described by the SEC as “non-investor shares” (where the prefix non- literally means “not” so literally "not investor shares"). Part 2 of the Plan shares is quite clearly described by ComputerShare and the SEC as held at DTC by ComputerShare’s broker; corroborated by the Chain of Custody above with the ledger identifying Cede & Co as holding these shares for DTC who holds shares for ComputerShare’s broker where Plan Participants are beneficial owners of these shares (per ComputerShare, above). The main difference between the two descriptions is that ComputerShare says they typically have 10-20% of Plan shares in DTC, which yields a split between 80-20 or 90-10, whereas the SEC provides no information on the proportion of the two portions (thus illustrated simply as 50/50). Hopefully, this settles the long-running debate once and for all. One last thing… BE NICEApes are not exactly making friends with Wall St and the securities industry; and most are not the kind of friends we would want anyway. ComputerShare works as a transfer agent for issuers like GameStop so ComputerShare is pretty much the closest thing we have to a friend in industry. Paul Conn pretty clearly doesn’t like how some are accusing them of wrongdoing.Transfer Agents, like ComputerShare, are in a fairly heavily regulated industry. There’s been no indication ComputerShare is breaking any regulations. If there’s a failure, check for gaps in the regulations first. Don’t hate the player, hate the game. And, instead of blaming transfer agents, the SEC has already directed responsibility to the DTCC and NSCC in the SEC GameStop Report. [SuperStonk DD see section “So… who’s bag holding?”] Not the transfer agent. Paul Conn and ComputerShare have provided time and resources engaging with and answering questions from the community. Be nice and don’t fling brown semi-solids until you’re 110% sure it’s deserved. (We must be better than Wall St.) To Paul Conn & ComputerShare, thank you for having answered our community questions. We appreciate the clarity provided especially given the position you’re in. s/WhatCanIMakeToday/ [1] All quotes and citations within (including the post and images) are to ComputerShare’s updated FAQ on holding registered shares (which are corroborated by Paul Conn’s Q&A video); unless otherwise noted. |