My wife's been in perimenopause for at least a year and a half, or so it would seem from her symptoms. She has PMDD and this has made it significantly worse.
She hates me. Not, like...mood swings. Genuine contempt and loathing. And I'm hearing the reasons she's giving me, but it seems like everything I do is suddenly tinged with her belief that I'm out to get her, want her to fail, think she's stupid, etc. My yearslong gender identity introspection and gender presentation disgust her; she's no longer attracted to me, even though funnily enough I ended up right back where I started identifying in the first place. I'm constantly doing things I "must have known" would upset her and am therefore upsetting her on purpose.
Look, I'm so far from perfect it's not even visible from where I'm standing. I have many flaws. However, among them are not "actively conspiring for my wife to have a horrible life."
I've been in menopause temporarily myself (Lupron was fun...said no one ever) and I remember the sheer misery of hating everyone and everything and feeling like I had no control over myself. I know this isn't her fault.
She has bpd and borderline on top of this, and has had to cut way back on her mood stabilizer recently to what anyone would consider a subclinical dose. That's not helping. She's neurodiverse, and has psoriatic arthritis that seems to be in constant flare for the last six months or so. Her anxiety and depression are through the roof.
But I cry constantly. My SI has skyrocketed. I'm losing the person I chose to spend the rest of my life with, the person I WANT to spend the rest of my life with, the person who says she wants that too at least one week out of the month.
I'm desperate to try anything that might work - or at least suggest them to her so she can try them, I guess. So I'm trying to get information from actual people as, in a shocking twist, her doctors are absolutely useless. Go figure.

• HRT is something she's presently unwilling to do because it increases cancer risk. She's Jewish and therefore at a slightly elevated breast cancer risk (though she's BRCA negative, I think her odds are 15% compared to the usual 12% according to the genetic testing? Maybe a higher number, in the teens though, I'm fairly sure.) If you've decided to do HRT despite increased cancer risk, or decided against it for that reason, I would love it if you would share your thoughts on the subject.
• She's tried HBC many times in life. The results have always been awful. If you've had success with a particular brand though, let me know. It's worth asking if she's tried that one before. So far it's been suggested to me to try LoLoestrin and Slynd. If you've had experience with those I'm very interested to hear about it.
• She has bad reactions to many herbal/natural products, but I can't remember what offhand. I just remember fish oil sent her into a depression spiral. She also has kidney damage from lithium. So I'm still interested in hearing about these, I'm just not sure which would be useful or safe. Obviously not taking anything without professional input from a doctor.
• She's iron deficient but also has severe ibs-c. If you know an iron supplement that won't make that worse, I'd love to hear about it. SlowFE worked great for her at one point but I think they stopped making it? Flintstones vitamins were a no-go, which is a shame as they worked for me. I did suggest blackstrap molasses capsules and acv capsules, which is what I took when I was hemorrhaging bimonthly with a giant fibroid, but to be honest I have no idea if it helped at all.
• Her doctor will not test hormone levels because she believes those tests are pointless. I would love to know your experiences with doctors regarding hormonal testing and whether or not it was helpful. I've been trying to convince her to get a second opinion with my own GYN but it's hard when she's so drained from symptoms she can barely get out of bed.
• Her psychiatrist isn't interested in getting her on a different mood stabilizer. She tried others when she was first diagnosed bipolar and the only one that worked was lithium. However, she's on a subtherapeutic dose and I really don't feel that's doing much. Did any brain-altering medications help you? (Note: western medicine only, weed and shrooms are not an option.)
• She's phobic about acupuncture so that's a no-go but have any other alternative therapies helped you?

And this question is for me. For those of you who felt like you hated your spouses, were sick of them, wanted them gone...were you able to get past it? Did you love them again? Asking for a friend. I'm crying as I type this. She's my main priority in life, we've been together thirteen years. And no matter how much she seems to not love or want me, I don't know how to stop loving her. My stomach is always in knots, I can't sleep, I cry constantly. I want the love of my life back.

Blood tests appear fine, but I can't get my guardians to set me up with a primary care provider. Symptoms include constant chills to the point of not being able to walk, constant stomach pain, dropping and breaking things almost 24/7, and tripping to the point where I can barely get up out of bed and walk without being in pain from muscle weakness anymore. I take sleeping meds along with anxiety pills, but I don't know if they're enough anymore. . . . . . . . . . . . .
I've had labels thrown at me ranging from bipolar like my mother from a licensed psychologist to a schizophrenic who thinks they have ghosts in their bones by EMTs. They constantly ask how much caffeine I drink even though I only drink one cup a day (ranges in size). I would switch over to decaf in a heartbeat, but it's no longer sold on store shelves where I live and I'm stuck with what's available. I've tried to cut back on soda/kool-aid/etc. and mostly drink cold water from their dispenser to save money. I usually go for a sprite when I'm out at a restaurant. All my blood tests come back fine aside from Vitamin D and my stool looks completely normal. I do have the rounded gels for vitamin D, but I forget to take them.
I left my phone at therapy on accident so using this time to see if I can make sense of the outside world, but all it really does so far is prove the point of why I'm addicted to my phone in the first place. While everyone else aimlessly scrolls through TikTok, browsing actual social media like Twitter and Reddit is the only way to connect with the outside world in a small rural town with next to nothing but a trashed up Dollar General. I feel hopeless when it comes to everyday civil rights issues taking place around the world while I'm stuck with old boomers who pray for our demise.
It's not safe to get an apartment where I live because of all the drugged up deadbeats banging on people's windows and helping themselves to everyone else's spaces while the cops do nothing. I've also had all kinds of people come up to me and fantasize about wanting to kill my pets in front of me, so that's another thing I have to worry about as well. There's even been issues with people pulling out knives on each other, so even though I've bought pepper spray for myself I dont think it's enough to protect my entire living space from being pillaged. It might injure my pet if the perpetrator decides to aim for my pet first and I can't spray them in time.
Steel padlocks don't mean jack fucking shit when people can pick up a screwdriver from somewhere and unscrew the hinges off the door while I'm gone just like my sister's kids did to me growing up. Security cameras don't mean much either if all the meth heads are just gonna come back and rip through all the replacements without any consequences from the police whatsoever. Not only is it unsanitary and unsafe, but I wouldn't be able to find clothes that fit me without traveling out of state either. I would like to start walking again, but I'm scared of falling in the middle of a busy highway or tumbling into a ditch somewhere. Even then it wouldn't matter how much weight I lose due to cup size being controlled by horomones. The only reason I'm so concerned about my heart is because my mother's side of the family has heart issues really bad.
I do go to group therapy (CBT), but they've practically given up on the "mental health" aspect because it triggers all the other clients into not wanting to come anymore, with some being in even worse conditions than I am (CSA, domestic violence, etc). Whenever we try to provide reasonable explainations on how coping mechanisms can trigger volatile reactions out of other family members, we're constantly being invalidated and told that we're just choosing to be miserable. Everyone is always a stuck up about how family is so important and how we need to "love" them from a distance. However, I can't just go anywhere else for therapy because the only other psychologists they have for miles (ones at the facility) will literally raise their voice and scream at residents in front of everyone else if they don't get their way. I can't go to the other group therapy that the residents because some of them reek so bad to the point of giving me flashbacks of my parents' roach infested hoards.
Everyone gets onto my ass about leaving things on the table when I go use the restroom, but the truth is that I'm already tired of having my all shit stolen since I was 10 while everyone in my life sat around and told me to quit crying and bitching about everything. I do try to watch other residents and keep my personal items within arms reach, but I can't keep up when I can barely exit my bed and walk down the fucking halls just to eat. That's all on top of my parents consisting of three different hoarders and losing track of everything I bring over there (not to mention all the roaches, mice, and animal waste all over the floor).
I've gotten a lot more freedom since moving away from the cult, but everything I did to cope has practically gone out the fucking window due to thieves and lack of internet (they won't fix the damn router bc they dont know anything about tech). I used to have a Bluey box full of different characters from the show (ordered online ofc), but everything's so filthy that I can't really bring anything out besides toys or stuffed animals. I have an entire tote of books I've never even touched because the place is way too nasty to have them out and risk them getting ruined.
Whenever my belongings do go missing, I'm told to just suck it up and forget about it. I'm scared to fucking death end up with holes in them from being burnt or get mixed up with other women's clothes and get caught being worn them when they supposedly "know better" according to staff. I had a female resident at the religious group home scream and cry to the point that my entire fucking body weight against the damn door wasn't enough to stop her from barging into my bedroom and harass me for shit (that's after all the BS with my sister's kids for over a decade), so I'm not even gonna try to talk to anyone directly anymore.
If I told anyone in my family about my concerns, they would just get pissed and ramble on about how it's my choice to be there, how I need to stop bitching about everything not going my way, and that I should've just stayed at the religious group home. Therapists keep acting like it's all my fault in regards to my emotions, that I just need to work on myself and tell me there's nothing else they can do. Nothing fucking matters when everything on my broken ass tablet requires internet and my consoles are broken. Hell, I'd be having a blast with my 2DS XL if the thing didn't fall apart within the first month. All I really wanted it for was to emulate old PC games and hook it up to the TV. I figured that if I had all my games on one device with the bare minimum accessories needed to make it function, I wouldn't have to feel like a damn hoarder anymore.
I love the tiny library of games I have on my Wii, but my remote is absolutely dirty as fuck with roach poop and other crud. There's no way to clean it without literally soaking it in something. The console itself has all kinds of encrusted gunk on the side from where my hoarder father attached velcro to the side of it. Constant chills makes it practically impossible to sit up and play the games as well (I'm lucky just to be able to stand up anymore). My library is small enough that I'm willing to fuck around with gyroscopic controls for fun. It's not even the biggest priority to me anyway because there would be so many other games to play in the mean time.
I figured with the Steamdeck I could could prop it up against the bed or set it on a table use a controller with it if I reach a point to where I can't see the TV screen from my bed. I can't apply for a job at Walmart to pay for the thing myself because of my balance issues causing me to fall and the inability to grip anything (which would result in massive damages to inventory). I'm also worried about them taking all my earnings since my SSI check isn't enough to cover rent and I need state supplement. I thought about selling my art on Redbubble and save up that way, but my 2022 Samsung tablet that I got a few months ago glitches out when I try to draw stuff and crashes whenever I try to play certain games.
I can honestly forget about recieving one for Christmas/birthdays because for whatever reason, everyone has to have their way when it comes to gift giving and god fucking forbid you try to establish the most basic of boundaries or else you're nothing a spoiled bitch. It's one thing for the Steamdeck to be out of budget, and it's another to deliberately go against a person's wishes when it comes to simple shit like candy or soda when they obviously fucking know better. It doesn't help that everyone goes apeshit over the concept of making a "wishlist" like their life depends on it, only to hand me a sack full of random shit from the Dollar Tree and call it a day. It's also impossible to give it all away when nobody else wants it (I don't have transportation to Goodwill) and throwing away new items is a trigger for me.
I know the Steamdeck wouldn't really fix anything outside of the clutter issue and I probably shouldnt be getting one with my current impairments, but it would provide me with something to do outside of being on social media 24/7. Given the total squalor I grew up in as a child, I'd be genuinely happy with a lot of things outside of the Steamdeck if it weren't for my living situation literally preventing me from doing so:
_ toys
_ art
_ exercise bike
_ walking outside

• playing games on the 2DS again

All of these "coping" mechanisms would come back to me if I were able to move to a different area in my own setting where I don't have to constantly worry about pest infestations from the neighbors, getting evicted for no reason, and random strangers trying to kill me or my pets. I've looked everywhere for supported independence programs and absolutely all of them require a medical waiver with a waiting list of up to 10 years. I absolutely need these services for my own safety as a neglected autistic person to ensure that people aren't just gonna come out of the woodworks and try to assault me on my own property. If I move to a more stable area, I could finally get a decent job without having to worry about coworkers coming up to me and taking shit out of my hands for not knowing any better. I could finally have stuff to do outside of technology and be comfortable with my own surroundings.
Even if all of this is just anxiety, I'm still fucked over when in it comes to actual health issues like gingivitis (as confirmed by Aspen Dental) and getting my wisdom teeth removed due to the lack of a primary care physician. I've done everything I can to and they just won't do anything to get me in to see a doctor. I try to brush my teeth when I can but hurts too much to do so. I also feel overwhelmed with trying to organize everything as I keep getting way more brushes than I possibly need and people will not take no for an answer. I don't even know how to prepare for death anymore as I don't even have loved ones. The only people I've ever been given true contact with are my hoarder parents and mentally unstable sister and that's it; no friends or anything.
There's nothing I can really do to repeal the guardianship without taking everyone to court, which is impossible with my sister's busy schedule and unwillingness to work with anybody else. I only because it gives me something to do finally outside of being locked up all week until I go to a half-assed therapy session for three hours. However, they usually go straight home and aren't really willing to go anywhere that costs money aside from restaurants since we have next to no food at the house (even then it becomes unsafe to eat due to all the roaches and mice).
The bane of her existence is to scream about how much of a lazy ass I am despite turning my parents basement into a hoarded up shithole that's flooded out with animal waste to the point of attracting mice. I know her issues aren't my problem, but back in the day she'd come up behind me and pinch my sides to aggrivate me. She also threw pants/shoes/etc. at me while I was on the bed and even shoved me out of the way after accusing me of hiding something I wasn't supposed to have in the kitchen drawer (I was a legal adult at the time). I usually lay flat in bed to avoid confrontation, but ignoring her makes her volatile so I'm screwed either way. I'm pretty sure she's beating and starving her dogs as well, but nobody really gives a fuck. I've got too many of my own issues to even try worrying about them. She's known to be a neurotin junkie for years since moving in with my parents and was even caught smuggling Adderall at work while the cops didn't give a fuck and turned her loose the next day.
I would've called the cops only if there was another child still in the house, but can't do so otherwise because of the risk of charges being brought against me for slander and libel (APS labeled the case as unsubstantiated). I can't just go around risking all my freedom and housing over sick animals that would more than likely be euthanized anyway. Not that animal control would do anything to begin with, of course. I know it feels redundant to even go over there every weekend in those conditions, but I'm tired of being cooped up all day. I'm tired of not having access to a PC with internet and not being able to breathe due to all the secondhand smoke.
I have finally have regular access to food and meds at the facility, but I'm bored with nothing that makes me feel comfortable anymore. I used to walk around town because of my issues with knocking stuff off tables, bumping into everything, and tripping all the time. I used to play games on my tablet to get through the day, but the internet no longer works since switching it over to a new name and the staffare too lazy to just reset the router (everything is infested with ads). We do have bingo during the week, but most people only play for cigarettes and that's it. I can't hold any kind of conversation with anyone else because they'll just ramble on and on about random shit that happened thirty years ago. I used to play Fortnite and Warframe on my Switch Lite, but it broke after I dropped it and we don't have repair shops where I live. It would only hold charge from 45 minutes to an hour with half the games being broken anyway, so I don't even know if it's even worth saving at this point.
I can barely make use of group therapy (CBT) because of how cold I am and how much my stomach hurts. I try to sit outside when I'm not cold as there's nothing to really do around town anyway, but it's nothing more than cigarette butts and spit everywhere (along with rotten food that attracts flies). There's nothing the staff can really do to make the residents pick up after themselves and they can't ban smoking (even if other residents have health issues) because it's the only reason why anyone gets out of bed. The people where I live don't really believe in PTSD outside of veterans, let alone C-PTSD. The mere concept of it would go against everyone's idea that "family is everything, even if they do things we don't like". We barely have mental health services as it is so I'm basically screwed into staying where I'm at even though I live in fear of being punished. I'll see what I can do to get the medicine lady to up the hydroxozine a bit, but I don't know what else there is to even do beyond that point aside from huddling in bed and freezing 24/7 for the next decade until I'm approved for the waiver.

Wanted to post my story here for any it might help.
I’m currently on day 6 of a CT quit, largely thanks to the existence of this sub and AA. As a background, I am a recovering alcoholic, whose been sober for several years.
How it started: 2 years ago a friend of mine who was familiar with the company, and knew I was in recovery suggested it might be a good alternative. Being familiar with both kratom and kava, I gave it a hard pass. However I did do some googling (this was pre-backlash / lawsuit) and there wasn’t much on the internet at this point. Still stayed away.
Months later I heard it promoted as a pre workout that was used by several colleges and gave it a second chance thinking, if it’s good enough for major D1 colleges to give to kids, it would be fine. Similar to others, the results were pretty amazing. I run to destress in sobriety and my times went down and mileage went up.
What happened: I slowly started taking it beyond workouts as I found it increased focus and efficiency at work and I am routinely on 5am calls.
That creeped to 1 a day…to 2 a day…pretty slowly. And I saw this and stopped. This should have been my out and I should have done some googling, because this was about 9 months ago.
Then earlier this year I started a new job and found myself back at it again. The ramp was pretty prolific (I am definitely an addict). I capped myself at 3 a day and couldn’t hold it, having to up the dosage as tolerance built.
I started to notice very real side effects, and tried to quit but couldn’t, feeling strong cravings and withdrawal symptoms. I would make sure I had enough supply at all times and I was hiding it from everyone around me.
The last few weeks were really bonkers, sometimes consuming 10-12 a day. Side effects were intense. Absolutely insane constipation (which I have never experienced before FF), my eyes were watery and felt like they had sties (people thought I had bad spring allergies), my skin - which is normally babyfaced for a 37m - suddenly looked 5 years older than I am with flaking and itchiness everywhere. Mentally I was destroyed, knowing that I should have known better given my history. Physically I was lethargic and couldn’t even run a mile at an 8 minute pace where 1 year ago this weekend I ran 7 mile race at a 7:22 pace.
My quit week: On Tuesday, I was really having trouble keeping anything down (including FF) and lost a lot of weight (10lbs quickly, or like 6% bodyweight). I threw up in my car, which was crazy. Also a goddamn nightmare to clean up if it’s FF. I couldn’t eat anything or move. My motivation was zero. It was effecting my personal life, mental and physical health in ways that really got me spiraling.
I woke up on Wednesday and bought a box as soon as the store opened and chugged one. I realized the shape I was in and decided to do some googling and found this sub existed. I also watched a few youtube videos that maybe will link later. Came to the realization that my fears were true, it was all because of feel free and that I needed to stop. I wrote “take accountability for your own health” on a piece of paper and put it on top of that box of FF. (Ripped that phrase straight from the YouTube so I really should link it).
I quit CT from there and have not had one since.
Where I’m at now: I called my sponsor Wednesday eve and came clean. He had no idea what I was talking about so it took a little explaining. I went to the store and bought magnesium and vitamin C and did the best I could to hold it together. I also talked to my doctor and got some gabapentin, which I would 300% recommend to deal with withdrawal.
I think I had some serious help in this regard as I’m already very familiar with 12 step programs, have a sponsor, and have worked through most of the real trauma/ resentments that led me down a dark path with booze. So, for someone who is doing this for the first time without that experience, here is my totally frank take:
0) stop now. This stuff is truly poison in every sense of the word. Unlike alcohol or other substances, where you literally have to taper, you will not die from quitting CT. Today is the day, you got this
1) consider a 12 step program. I initially hated this, but have come to really appreciate working through problems old and new with these steps. If you’re coming to this sub you are not alone
2) tell someone. It might be sibling or parent or friend. If you consider a 12 step program or are in one this could be your sponsor. This gets the monkey off your back a bit and will increase accountability
3) talk to your doctor. Don’t be scared. They are licensed medical professionals who see naked people all day. I am honestly not sure how well I would have done without the gabapentin
My detox process: as much water as possible, magnesium, vitamin C and emergenC multivitamin, gabapentin
Hope this helps + much love

Lights out. Lights on. Lights out. Lights on. Vincent strained to keep his eyes open. Indeed, it wasn’t him blinking, it was the sun. It flickered mid day.
He was jobless again, and was trying to take his mind off it. He’d left the apartment, which would soon not be his, to get away from its suffocating evocation. Eventually his mindless sauntering led him to a nearby park, where he found a soft patch of grass to lie in, and perhaps just die there.
The allure of fresh cut grass in the sun had attracted others as well, but everyone was quiet, thoughtful. The recent AI revolution had put many in the same boat as him. It had been something spectacular, at an unprecedented rate the productivity of mankind soared, dwarfing the industrial and digital revolutions. In a mood of euphoric optimism, it enveloped the planet as a swarm of fruit flies with viagra.
In the beginning, managers and mid-managers were ecstatic, finally they would have the type of workers they dreamed of, ones who didn’t moan and complain about every poorly thought out decision they made. And with them gone, a huge useless drain on profit would be removed. Money would be redistributed, recognition at last, with them taking a major chunk to match their exceptional qualities, their uniqueness among their peers. AIs only needed electric power after all.
Of course, that was all a managerial fantasy, and following a brief time of delusional bliss, they themselves got promptly replaced or simply removed. For the people higher up in the hierarchy, who kept their jobs, it felt like removing your socks after a long trek.
The optimists claimed that this was the long awaited transition to a post scarcity society, utopia in the making. Reality, being a pessimist, had other plans. Wealth discrepancy deepened, and suddenly most societies found themselves with two castes: the wealthy, people who still had income and money, and the destitute who had nothing. The penniless made poor consumers, so business stopped catering to them. Governments were already designed to represent the rich anyway, so they lacked political power as well. They became outcasts, people left to die in the streets. They couldn’t even rebel effectively, since soldiers were getting paid, which made them partial to the upper class, and civilians going against modern military forces was somewhat iffy.
In a spasm of altruism, the elite figured that starvation of more than half of the population would be inhumane. Therefore bread and potatoes became free, which fit nicely well below the 1.3% of global GDP that went for charity. Some of the affected wondered whether that was some sort of a cruel joke. They felt like the roach being kept alive as food for the wasp’s progeny.
Since getting laid off, Vincent dreaded his eventual transition to the outcast class. He had not found a job in time, and now he was being evicted. Not much he could do now but join one of the sprawling tent cities, but luckily, he already owned a tent having bought one for just such an occasion.
These new cities, built within the old ones, were slowly becoming their own authorities. It started when people formed gangs to raid large grocery stores. These soon went out of business, since the stratum they served had perished. The stores that remained, that sold to the rich, had big enough margins to afford armed guards, so the gangs had to become larger and tougher. As history teaches us, government is an euphemism for the biggest bully in town, and these gangs were growing into big bullies themselves. Eventually, they started to refer to themselves as tribes, separate entities from their origin countries. And you didn’t want to meet tribesmen when you were going home at night.
The original administrations made several half hearted attempts to suppress these new states, but what was it supposed to do? Kill what it claimed to be its own citizens? Ultimately, citizens who couldn’t afford to consume or pay taxes were not desirable ones, so they gave up.
Vincent was self aware enough to know that he wouldn’t make a good tribesman. He was soft, pudgy, and often out of breath. As the main source of wealth for these people was raiding, he wondered what niche he could fill, but he avoided thinking about it too hard.
And now the sun was flickering. How unfortunate it would be, he mused, if it turned off one of these days, but he knew it wasn’t that. He was surprised to find out that it saddened him it wasn’t.
The remaining governments had their coffers empty in the end, since the populace paid politicians directly, bypassing them entirely. In a new plan, one of managerial cunning, indeed one that only a government clerk can come up with, they decided to block out the sun. Then they would sell sunlight as a service; it was the new SAS model. Proponents of this plan argued that obviously they deserved sunlight for free, but they were not so sure about the tribal riff raff that beat them senseless when they met on the street. The rich didn’t care, because it was a small fee, and hey, the money would go toward fixing the parks. It could even fix climate change!
Since there was no opposition, the decision was made, and the project undertaken. At first, people could hardly believe their reality. Such was the case with Vincent as well, he had indeed forgotten about it until now. A myriad of small robotic satellites were launched with reusable rockets, each with its own AI and at all times connected to a massive computational center via relays. There the monumental computation of where each robot should stand was made, so that any unsubscribed person would get shaded. It was akin to a Dyson swarm, but unfortunately, on the wrong celestial body.
And there it was, the last sunray to ever touch him; it blinked out. Vincent looked up, and saw the sun as in an eclipse with only its corona visible. Unhappily, he brought his gaze down, and examined the other lawn loafers. Nearly the whole place was in the dark, but two people had their own personal god rays. The chosen ones glanced around nervously. Death stares shot back at them. They left in a hurry. Vincent walked home depressed, while a robot shrouded him from orbit.
It was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness.
Months passed, and Vincent found himself the third wife of a tribe chieftain. It was the Sunset Boulevard tribe, named after the street it had occupied during its inception and not after recent events. The area was now almost permanently shaded, and vegetation had completely died out, but humans found ways to persist. Even in darkness, people managed and found things to put value in. Food, water, and shelter had become precious, while electronic gadgets lost all meaning. Vitamin D supplements were the unofficial currency.
Being the third wife had its benefits. It provided uncommon security, and his chores were simple. He had to keep the tent in order and take care of the chieftain’s many children, who were from the man’s other wives.
Vincent had come to accept this existence, which his past self would’ve found intolerable. He fell into the routine of his new life, and the days strung along, but change was inevitably brewing again behind the curtain.
It turned out that blocking large portions of sunlight made the climate go haywire. Giant planetary superstorms became a thing, and the Atlantic was consumed in a never ending hurricane of continental magnitude. It effectively cut off the Americas from Europe, which miffed the rich a bit. Although travel was restricted, they still found their lives largely unchanged, an infinite stream of AI generated entertainment and whatever else was left for money to buy paved the way to a lifetime of hedonism.
For the tribesmen life grew rougher: winters were colder, springs rainier, and summers gloomier. But people persisted. Among them, Vincent had recently become a grandmother. His new routine created distance between him and his old memories of the world that had been, a dream is all it was. As life became harder, and food became scarcer, and the planet itself grew more hostile, his chores expanded to consume more and more of his time. They left him with no time to think or reflect on what was and what could’ve been. Oddly, his present situation fulfilled him, and at the end of the day, when he lay on his roll-up bed under the rotting tent roof, he fell asleep happy.
Conditions worsened across the globe, and officials started to argue that maybe they’d been wrong in removing the sun from the poor. Perhaps, it was said, the divine disagreed with SAS. Such voices remained a minority however, because neither clerks nor politicians were prepared to separate themselves from the sweet cash inflows it produced.
Tsunamis drowned the coasts, and it rained debris from humankind’s abandoned cities across the world. At last, twilight shone over the rich as well. Their assets were submerged and ruined, but they still had money to spend. And where there’s demand there’s supply. Luxurious underground bunkers, offshore platforms, deep sea hotels, and offworld apartments were hastily constructed with the poorly understood technology of days past.
Relentless, time marched on, unperturbed by humanity’s plight, and Vincent lay on his deathbed after a long, long life. A coup had ousted the chieftain, and he no longer had the same status, but was largely left alone to his own devices out of respect for his former husband. The tribe had migrated high up on the Rockies to evade the boiling ocean. He’d even managed to convince a woman to be his wife in his later years, and had a couple of children of his own. Presently, they all sat around his disintegrated roll-up bed, in his decayed tent, and a woman he barely recognized held his hand, and a young man held a palm over his shoulder. The deep sorrow of a final goodbye lingered in their eyes. He tried to remember where he’d come from and how it had all begun; he tried to remember the sun, but his aged brain faltered.
He closed his eyes for a final time, and while his mind dissolved, one thing remained clear to him. As people drowned in their underwater havens, suffocated underground, and their bones grew weak and their flesh rotted in space, he was here, happy, with his family.

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Gen 3 to 5: Legendary RNG, Wild RNG, Gift (including Manaphy & Bonus Disc Jirachi/Celebi) RNG with custom OT & TID possible
Gen 7: Egg RNG (TSV hatch RNG possible until April 8th)
The prices for each RNG request will all be in €uro and will depend on the type of RNG, the amount of time I expect to spend on them, and any extras you may request (example: custom OT)
Base prices are as follows (per each mon):

• Gen 3-5 Wild RNG: 2€
• Gen 3-5 Legendary/Gift/Wishmaker Jirachi RNG/Ranger Manaphy Egg: 3€
• Any of the above SHINY: +2€
• Gen 3 Channel Jirachi / Ageto Celebi & Gen 4 Shiny Ranger Manaphy Egg: 5€
• Custom OT/TID (Gen 3-5): +2€ (per ONE save - ie, can be used for multiple mons)
• Gen 7 Egg RNG: 2€ (TSV hatch or Shiny +1€)
• Flat fee per Hour spent on your RNG request: 2€/h

Example: 1x Shiny Terrakion (5€) + 2x Shiny Wild mons (8€) from BW with a custom OT/TID (2€) would be 15€ + the fee for the expected time spent on the RNGs (average 2-6 hrs but obviously depends on the specific request)
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I can also offer a Training service & Item trade service in Scarlet/Violet & Sword/Shield, with prices as follows:

• Training Service: 2€
• Any 10x Items Trade: 3€

The more RNG/Training services you request, the bigger the discounts I can make for you!Requesting RNGs that can save me a lot of time will also decrease your cost considerably! (example: multiple Wild RNGs from the same save/game)At least 5x of any given type of service must be requested to be eligible for a discount!
Buyer pays any required fees!
To calculate how much you need to send me accounting for fees, use THIS PayPal fees calculator!
Delivery available in Gen 8 or 9, or with Bank>HOME transfer, up to buyer's choice, where applicable.
I can provide proof of the RNG in the form of screenshots of all important steps, with all RNG information clearly visible, if requested! These pictures would all be provided within a zip file uploaded to Google Drive that I would send a link for you to download, via PM.
Please reply to this thread asking what Pokémon you'd like me to obtain, the origin game(s)/Gen(s) and if Shiny or not, so that I can work out exactly how much it would cost you for your order!
After we have discussed the above and have agreed on a deal, please send your detailed requests for RNGs (IV spreads, natures etc) through this google form: https://forms.gle/vBhoDio8obiUU47g9
Training services & Item trades don't need to go through the form.
MY TOOLS & DISCLAIMERS:
I have and use several emulators for all my RNGs (Citra - 3DS, Bizhawk - DS & GBA) using assisted overlay tools like lua scripts, as well as the standard RNG 'calculation' tools like PokeFinder.
I also have a CFW 3DS that I use to import my saves into carts with a save manager (Checkpoint), in order to then transfer the mons up to Bank, followed by HOME.
All my saves are also save-managed (backed up, extracted and injected) with tools such as Checkpoint & JKSV.
For my Training service & Item trading in Gen 9 I use my CFW Switch to multiply items in my bag such as Vitamins, Candy, TMs, Apriballs.
You can request the training service for your own mons in Gen 9, or as an extra (for the same price) on any RNG you buy from me!
Feel free to ask any questions you may have here in my thread, and thank you for stopping by!
[svirtual]
My ref: https://www.reddit.com/pokemonexchangeref/comments/18tsljf/usexymalasada_reference/

How would you describe your tinnitus? I have had it for about a week now following a dental cleaning and my symptoms are pain and a bit ticklish feeling in my left ear, and a really high pitch ringing in my head. I can't tell what ear it's coming from but seems like more to my left. I cannot drown out this noise with any sound because of how high pitch it is. I have always slept with a fan so when I first noticed the noise I knew something was off and started looking into what could have happened. I am a homebody so I never have any loud noise exposure of any kind, even in the car I don't play music too loud. The noise that I hear is not extremely loud, but it's so high pitch to the point where in a quiet environment, a fan or TV can not drown it out, and it seems. When I say high pitch, I mean like when I tried to use a test to classify how long it was, the loudest I could hear was a bit over 16khz, but the ringing is definitely higher than this. Before this all happened, I had a slew of other issues going on and was struggling just to get through the day, I was and still am dealing with crippling brain fog and dissociation which made it difficult for me to think and concentrate on a day to day basis, as well as bad memory and perception problems. (If you read any of my previous posts, you would see how bad my life has been over the past few months. And now to have this going on as well, really feels like the nail in the coffin for me, as it makes it even more difficult to concentrate on anything and I find myself not able to focus on anything at all due to the compounding issues. I don't know what about the dental cleaning could have caused this to happen, as I experienced no real discomfort during the cleaning aside from the suction thing hitting my teeth while the hygienist was suctioning up the water. This just all feels like a cruel joke of some kind, I was barely hanging on, and in trying to better myself even slightly, I ended up getting stuck with a debilitating condition that will probably be the end of me.
Due to my progressively worsening brain fog and sensory issues, there is no way for me to habituate to this new issue, and from what I have read, if you got tinnitus from any kind of noise related incident, event if it was just a one time event, you are essentially screwed. The only other thing I did in the past month was start high dose vitamin d supplements due to a deficiency but stopped them a couple weeks back. I have been exhausted the past week, and it seems like the high pitched ringing has been getting worse as the days go on. No therapy app has worked for me. I don't know why I am writing this post, but it just sucks to be in this position through no fault of my own. I was already severely struggling and what I thought would just be a regular dental consultation, seems to have made my life that much worse. The tone I hear in my head is so high pitch that I don't even know how to describe it. I think this is going to be the end for me, I had nothing before all of this, and waking up every day was a pain, life being the equivalent of being like in a dream. And now, I have this. If you look at my post history, you would probably see that I was struggling to deal with a ton of issues before. I know that no one here has any advice for me, and will just tell me I will get used to it, but due to my other compounding issues, I am not able to get used to anything, I can barely even think on a daily basis, and that was before the tinnitus. If it was my only issue, yeah I would just adapt, but with everything else on top, I can't. Before all of this, I could barely remember what I did in the previous day. Now, I can't even focus on anything that is happening in the current moment. All I want to do is just sleep, but every time I wake up all of my symptoms are worse than before. Whenever I think my life couldn't get worse from my current issues, I'm always proven wrong. At this point, I'm just hoping that anything positive happens to me. I truly wish everyone here the best, and if you are only dealing with the tinnitus, regardless of how you got it, I truly wish that you are able to somehow move forward with your life.

I was an idiot. I felt okay for a week and tried to drive five minutes to the grocery store, which caused another crash, plus new muscle pains.
Grocery deliveries in my area are very expensive and I can't keep it up forever, but it looks like I will have to accept how expensive being disabled is for now.
I am aggressively resting. I still have some functionality to walk around the house only when I absolutely need to, so I'm thankful. I have to be ready to move in four weeks. I will have someone helping me move, but even having somebody doing the drive for me I know it will be hard.
Currently I'm on a very good diet with Pedialyte and multivitamins and foods like nuts, fruit, fish, berries and one meal a day with some more "junky" carb meals, like I'll have some frozen chicken nuggets with carrots and hummus.
I have ADHD and it is mental torture to sit. And do absolutely nothing. My brain feels like its on fire. I need some stimulus, or I start heading into trauma flashbacks and suffocating grief from recently losing my father. Negative emotions and even the thought of worry feels so much worse than stimulating my brain, its an instant sick feeling.
If I am able to sit and watch a low energy youtube video for some time a day, am I still harming myself? Do I have to stop? I don't have health insurance right now, I cannot see a doctor and in my state I still do not qualify for state insurance. This is partly why I have to move because I know I need a doctor.
ETA: Hi everyone, thank you for your advice and encouragement. It is really helpful during this time.
I wanted to share some things that have worked well for me during this crash, as well as things that harmed me. PLEASE take it all with a grain of salt and do your own research if you attempt to try these. And go slow, especially with medicines.
Dextromorphan, for me sourced from nyquil. Can help me sleep, helps with aches and pains, and helps me feel a boosted sense of rest following sleep.
Pedialyte, I usually hate it, but the blue raspberry flavor is delicious. Leagues better than gatorade and comes with extra vitamins.
Aspirin, used sparingly in response to brain inflammation. Instant relief.
Co Q-10 and B Vitamins. Just good for you even if not chronically ill.
Blueberries! No idea why but I really love them when I crash. They must have something good!
Probiotics strain resistant to stomach acid. Greatly reduces bloating and discomfort.
Dark chocolate, the darkest you can tolerate. Very good for you.
Things that had adverse effects
Benadryl/aka diphenhydramine. Made me fall asleep, but not stay asleep. Gave me horrible nightmares. Loopy sensation is quite unpleasant.
Marijuana, smoked. Magnified every negative symptom and uncontrollable anxiety. My legs felt heavier and I was enduring it, which is never great.
Pepto-bismol. Can NOT be used with aspirin. Also, seemed to make my stomach upset worse.
Plain water. If its all you can get, do drink water. But please try to get something more. All I did was urinate way more often and my thirst was constant, and torturous.

My question first: How did you start unraveling the mysteries of your condition, what helped you the most in terms of finding information that was helpful and real? I know everyone's experiences are different and personal, but how did you seek help? How did you find relief? What was the most helpful resource? How did you advocate for yourself at the doctor? What tests did they run to help you? I am desperate.
Context/story (sorry it is so long): I have been diagnosed with Hypothyroidism since September 2023 and Hashimoto's since January 2024. I had been struggling with constant, extreme exhaustion since prior to 2016. My moods swung wildly, I was constantly tired, and until this day I suffer from what feels like a swollen stomach. Sometimes it is bloating with gas, but often it just feels full like the fullness/heaviness of bloating but there is no gas. It's just swollen and heavy feeling. There is no relief to be found. Sometimes my throat just feels tight, almost like I am about to cry even if I'm not. Now that my TSH is leveled out/where it's supposed to be, and I've been taking Vitamin D and B12 supplements, my energy is recovered, and I no longer feel that constant exhaustion, which is great. But I am still left with tight throat on occasion, and my constant sore stomach, which is my main agony.
I am only now learning, through my own internet searches, that the tight throat and stomach issues may be related to the Hashi's, and finally have gotten a referral (no appointment yet) for an Endocrinologist. I am hopeful, but I also know that when I finally get an appointment, it likely won't be for another several months.
I have had the WORST experiences with doctors. I have been told for 10 years, that if I just lose weight, I will relieve my stomach issues and replenish my energy. That my problems are stress related and I should work less (who can afford to do this?). That it is PMS. I am forever thankful for my current PCP, who was the FIRST DOCTOR IN 10 YEARS to tell me "It's not normal to be this tired" and gave me a very simple blood panel, which revealed my high TSH levels and dangerously low vitamin levels. However I am having trouble getting information beyond the basics of "hashimoto's is an autoimmune disease, it is genetic, it is lifelong, it affects your thyroid and metabolism, it is treated with synthetic thyroid hormones". I did not know that Hashimoto's has flare up periods like other autoimmune disorders like IBD. Now that I know, could my stomach issues and tight throat a part of that?
I am tired of doing all of my own research and then have to pay a ridiculous amount of money to bring that information to the doctor for them to tell me "yepp you're right, good job doing all that info seeking, here's the treatment, $1000 please" when I just did all the work and they just signed off on it.
The stomach pains are my main concern, it is totally debilitating. I cancel plans and avoid making them altogether because I don't know how my stomach will be. I can only wear loose jumpsuits and can no longer wear pants at all because it hurts my stomach too much. I can't even find pants that fit, because my stomach is so much larger than the surrounding areas. Size 14 pants fit me everywhere but my stomach, I have to buy size 18 to fit my stomach but then they are ridiculously loose everywhere else, comically so. It's literally like I have a pregnant stomach, but I am not pregnant and never have been. My sex life with my partner is almost nonexistent because my good days are so few, and then when I have them, I just don't want to be touched, I want to revel in the sensation (or lack thereof) that I don't feel my giant inflated stomach for once. I'm just so, so desperate for this to stop, or at least not be constant.
Sorry for the long post, I feel so alone. No one else I know deals with this. My husband has IBD, so he understands to an extent, but I'm desperate to have conversations with folks who have experience with this and can provide some hope.

Hi everyone,
I'm curious because I feel like my own routine is a bit troublesome.
I have some safe foods but some seems better than others, and I also begin to ask myself if my zinc supplementation hasn't been causing troubles. Basically, here's my routine and tolerated foods (I'll add what makes me doubt and explain why)
Zinc citrate on an empty stomach and prior to eating anything (30mg) I suspect it feeds a pulmonary bacteria though but I can't tell for sure if it isn't candida albicans instead.
Buckwheat crispbreads* with margarine that have B1 (I believe it's high nickel and I'm sensitive to that but unless I make a pound cake with a flour I tolerate, I don't know how to replace it, it's my cheating thing I guess...)
Rice milk that have coconut puree and hemp powder (hemp powder really seems to help me to recover and calm down stomach/belly aches quickly)\ Eggs (this one is tricky... It seems to feed candida if I don't add garlic or onion alongside)
Rice Zucchini (it's ok... Sort of)\ Brocoli (I'm definitely having a preference for this one here, maybe because of quercetin)\ Turkey\ Chicken\ Spices :\ Garlic (ok and made excrete biofilm so it's great, however I feel like it constipates me, so I wonder if garlic water is any better)\ Onion (ok too, however glutamic-acid rich foods like it can worsen my nights for some reason, I use CBD oil to avoid that)\ Small amounts of curcuma (suspecting it may have caused me trouble with iron though)\ Cumin (not sure how I react to this yet, doesn't feels too bad)
And to finish the day, iron supplements because I've been diagnosed with anemia.\ I can't tell if it's a result of food reintroduction attempts that failed and gave me stomach pains (they disappeared though) it seems like it but I'm not sure.\
I feel like my health is improving but my lungs and nose feel full of mucus so I wonder if I ain't doing something wrong in particular and if removing my buckwheat crispbreads could help. Maybe I can make keto pancakes instead...
PS : I'm somewhat careful of L-glutamine and things like that, as I said, it really destroy my nights :/ unless I take CBD (20mg) but sometimes, this doesn't even work either...
I was tempted to reintroduce calf-liver for the vitamins this weekend but honestly I don't want to ruin the recovery either.
Any corrections you'd add ? I feel like I mostly suffer from candidosis so antibiofilm foods are helping tremendously, but maybe I can do more ?
Thanks in advance for your help !

I first went no contact with my entire family at the age of 15. I moved out and dealt with homelessness before I found an apartment. Lived in a high crime area and worked long hours to keep afloat. It was not easy but I never regretted it. I changed my number and got on with it. I have had a tumultuous relationship with my parents due to conflicting beliefs, their own mental health issues and what I consider to be emotional immaturity. Abuse and police intervention regularly and social workers ahoy in our lives. I don't like how they treated me and I knew that it wasn't good for anyone for myself to stay in the picture. It didn't stop my mother from stalking me, following me around in her car, having people she knew take pictures of me in public, going to places I worked at and waiting to spot me and making fake numbers to reach out. I don't really blame her as I was really young to be on my own, but she didn't care about my safety or how I was doing, she only cared about being "in the know" and her reputation. She frequently tried to get others to reach out to me so they could report back to her.
I reconnected with my parents after 5 years and I am on year 3 of having a civil, distant but polite relationship with them. They understood I meant business and that I held no qualms in walking away now that I was entirely independant. I've worked extremely hard to keep boundaries in place and keep a bit of discomfort in order to keep things from spiralling out of control. My one important reason for doing so is because two of my siblings are under the age of 18 and I love them tremendously. I've started to have my siblings come and visit over a weekend to catch a break from their home life which I thought was great because I could enjoy being around my siblings without the agony of being around my parents and trying to do everything perfectly. My sister came over recently and told me that my mom asked her to report how long I sleep, when I sleep, if I am taking my vitamins. My mother's reason for this is because she told my sister I didn't bring my vitamins with me for an overnight stay at her house. My mother is a conspiracy, health nut, religious psychosis type person. She believes the COVID vaccine made me sick, but I've always had the illness I have now, she just never brought me to the doctors because she didn't believe in them. I didn't bring my vitamins because it was less than a 24 hour stay and if I did bring them I'd keep them in a pill box. It leads me to believe she went through my belongings. The worst bit of this is her courage to go directly past me and not ask me directly. Which implies my mother thinks I am not being truthful about very mundane things or perhaps a small part of her knows it's not a question that'd resonate well with me. Or to ask my little sister to do her dirty work. My sister reassured me she isn't going to report back to her and she wanted to let me know so that I knew what she was up to.
This isn't the only thing that's ticked me off recently. They've started to regress and get too comfortable with me. This was the final straw for me, but a few notable other things said behind my back or to my face have set me off. My mother told my sister the reason why I'm sick is because I fill my body with toxic garbage (birth control, diet coke... and medication lol), told me if I ever got pregnant to give her the baby to raise as her own instead of an abortion (she said this infront of my longterm partner and he looked horrified, I never said I'd get an abortion but I guess she just assumes I would because of my beliefs), told me my partner and I were just simply "playing house" and that my partner needs to grow up (because he doesn't have a government job and works as a barista. We own a home together and have for years, and are financially stable with spoiled pets so idk lol) and arguing with my partner during Christmas about "indoctrination of kids" and that the government is putting chemicals in the food to make kids LGBTQ. These are a few examples.
I am considering going no contact again because while I am not bothered by what they say anymore; mostly because I've been through so much that it doesn't get to me and my parents are predictable. It's a step too far to make my siblings detectives and to go through my personal items. That is not the type of relationship I want to have with my siblings. I am their much older sister, with a cool home, cool snacks, cute cats and it's a place for them to come and relax. My other brother closer in age is entirely no contact with them, and in turn has been iced out of having a relationship with our other younger siblings. So I know how it'll go. I don't confront my parents anymore because it'll spiral into an argument or they'll dig their heels in. It's not worth it and for the most part I'm not as stupid as they may think. They don't have to say much for me to figure out what they are up to.
I guess the advice needed is how to go about this issue constructively. While I don't hold much value to my parental relationship and wouldn't really care if I never spoke to them again, my relationship with my younger siblings are important. They are homeschooled by my mother, live in the middle of nowhere and have no outside contact with kids their age and often come over to do stuff and see their friends in the city. I don't want to put my foot down and damage that avenue of connection with my siblings. I also don't really care to argue or defend myself to my parents, and I don't feel I have to prove anything to them. But, I am beyond enraged they are using my siblings to get information I'd very easily talk about with them. I don't have secrets. If anyone has been through something similar I'd love to hear your story and how it went. If you were able to find a balance between sibling relationships and distance from parents.

Hi, 22M sufferer from Mexico here. Long context here (I mix tenses because, yeah haha) :
Height: 172 cm, Weight: 54 kg (I've always been skinny, you know, that kind of person who can eat a lot and don't gain weight, well, I also think that's because besides my genetics, I had always been an active person)

• July 2021 *

I was going to the grocery store before lunch and suddenly started feeling like I couldn't breathe and a huge pressure on my chest. I managed to get to the store and came back home. I started eating and immediately started burping and feeling kinda trapped gas in my esophagus and I could feel how it was burning and swallowing caused the most terrible pain I've experienced. I tried Alka Seltzer and sodium bicarbonate and didn't feel relief, so my parents took me to a GP and I was diagnosed with GERD and gastritis and was prescribed omeprazole, carafate and Riopan (don't know the name in other places). This was really weird because I had never experienced GERD nor digestive issues, just a bacterial infection when I was 17, but that's it. After a week I started feeling better and I could eat normally again, I was burping less.

• August 2021 * After a month only an increased burping (for what's normal) remained, so I went to a gastroenterologist. He told me to take Dexilant instead of omeprazole, since it was the best med for GERD and gastritis. I started taking it and felt an improvement on my burping. He also ordered some testing, barium swallow and a endoscopy. They found a small hiatal hernia (2 cm), a lax LES, mild esophagitis and mild gastritis.

He told me that since I was young, going under surgery (Nissen fundoplication) would be a good option for me to get rid of symptoms and be off PPIs. My dad and I agreed, but since I didn't have insurance before, I'd have to wait 2 years until the surgery was covered. So we decided to wait.

• January 2022 * After vacation where I ate as if I was healthy, I started feeling a weird sensation of hunger (like gas travelling in my stomach and intestines), but not in a normal way as hunger usually feels, terrible nausea, so awful that I was bedridden, what now I know is brain fog, decreased energy and increased burping again. I was also dealing with was apparently an UTI, so I was prescribed an antibiotic for it. I discovered, after years of having intermittent symptoms of UTI, that it was never an UTI because tests showed nothing and it always resolved on their own. Obviously those antibiotics made me feel worse, but as they thought it was just a bacterial GI infection, they gave me more antibiotics. I learned then how terrible antibiotics were because for the first time in my life they made me feel awful. At that time I was studying uni online because of * fkn pandemic *. I was eating only chicken and rice and feeling hungry but full all the time (in a gastritis way, I'd say)
  
• February 2022 * A friend of mine told me that her sister was a nutrionist (not a functional nor a SIBO knowledgeable though), so I went with her and she gave me a menu and told me to try probiotics. I bought a commercial ones (Bacillus clausii I think, only 2 billion CFU) and at the end of the 5 days that they lasted, I started feeling better. Suddenly I was optimistic, the nausea was gone, the weird gas feeling was gone and my energy was back. Brain fog was still there, but at a minimum. At that time my uni decided to go back to physical classes, so I enjoyed my recovered health.
  
• March 2022 * I had a throat infection and took antibiotics (terrible decision). Since the first dose all my symptoms came back. I became suicidal at that point because I struggled so much on pandemic with depression and anxiety due to lockdown and when I was finally able to go back to a normal life, now I was terribly sick. My parents wanted to fix the GERD issue so they paid the two tests (manometry and 24 pH test) needed to determine what kind of fundoplication the surgeon could do. After those tests it came back that I was candidate for Nissen, but the surgeon didn't want to perform it because he wanted to wait for insurance to cover it. My parents and I were mad, but I was again trying probiotics to see if I felt better. I did, not as good as before, but better. At that time I also met a girl who became my girlfriend, so that helped me too. Didn't know how, but suddenly I could eat anything, except spicy food, only with more burping, but I didn't have issues. But, a weird feeling of being off has been with me since this all started (brain fog? It's like feeling that you're living a life that's not yours and everything feels alien to you). From there on every time I had a throat infection I requested injectable antibiotics (I can say that it really helps to not mess up with my microbiome)
  

I dropped out from school because I couldn't keep going. I was kinda okay, but going out and doing stuff made me feel nauseous and tired, for the first time I couldn't take a bus because I felt dizzy and about to throw up. So I usually stayed home and only went out to the store or to my gf house or sometimes to somewhere else, but not frequently. During this year I switched careers and got back to what I've always loved, programming, so I worked as a freelancer and made some money that way.

• March 2023 * My gastritis gets worse (more burping and feeling full fast) and I go on a bland diet. After two weeks it gets better and I try to eat pizza. No problems. A week after that I wake up feeling as if I was hit by a truck. I was insanely tired and with flu symptoms. I thought it was just another flu. After some days I was still feeling that way, so I go to the doctor and he says it's a bacterial infection and prescribes what they usually do, of course, with an injectable antibiotic. Flu goes away after a few days, but fatigue remains. To cope with fatigue I decide to eat some chips and all those weird symptoms come back. It feels as if I wasn't digesting a thing, with all that gas travelling inside my gut, but not in a way of trapped gas, I didn't feel bloated at that time.
  
• April 2023 * After a few days, I don't know what to do, I get a blood work done and it shows no deficiencies in minerals (they don't test for vitamines, it's a separate test which costs much more). An ultrasound also don't show anything abnormal on my GI tract. I was eating eggs, chicken, rice and avocado. My gf gets sick of me being sick and leaves me after tough months due to my illness (don't want to dig on it, but, cheated on me, basically). I'm heavily depressed, but convinced to get my health back and I use that as motivation. I start my research and discover SIBO and so much more that I'd like to know before. I don't know where to begin due to the GERD and lax LES thing, but I drop gluten (I was dairy free already) and experiment with several diets, keto, low-carb, low FODMAPs, low acid, but as time goes by, my symptoms only get worse and now I deal with bloating and occasional constipation. Magnesium helps with constipation at its worse.
  
• May 2023 * I discover functional medicine, do my research and find an institute where I live. An appointment is expensive, but I think it's worth it. I go there, explain all my symptoms, and the doctor talks to me about leaky gut. It seems interesting. She suggests a food sensitivity test and I see that I'm sensitive to gluten, any dairy related food, and eggs. The only thing I was still eating was eggs. That test also covered candida and it showed a little overgrowth. I tried fluconazole and grapefruit seed extract, but didn't feel anything different nor better at the end of the course. After that, she just sent me a generic treatment, which made me feel gaslighted and stopped going with her.
  

She also prescribed me digestive enzymes, which for some reason also contain ox bile here in Mexico and I've been taking them since then. I can tell they have actually helped, but can't tell when I'm doing the same and feeling like s*it.

• June 2023 * My dad, desperate, calls the surgeon to see if the surgery would help me, and he says that he doesn't recommend the surgery for me due to my other issues (he's right, I was already having trapped gas, it'd be worse). We also got mad at that time because he said other bad things about the surgery that he didn't say before, so he also seemed like a person we couldn't trust, but at least he told the truth about the surgery not being ideal for me.
  
• August 2023 * I'm following an unnamed diet, just avoiding processed stuff, and while it doesn't make me feel amazing, it makes me feel stable. I also get a job as software engineer from home (an informal job, without benefits, but it's a good opportunity to make some money and be able to buy more things that could help me).
  

I buy zinc-carnosine and Thorne's GI Relief to see if they help with GERD and gastritis. They seem to help, but can't tell really. I finish the bottles and don't refill. Don't feel noticeable changes.

• January 2024 * After eating some processed foods every now and then, it seems that I shouldn't have done that and I switch from occasional constipation with well-formed stool to loose stool, cramps and a weird mix of feeling like I want to poop all the time, but it's trapped gas, but sometimes it's poop, but it's loose, but I have to push it and sometimes it just comes out (sorry for being so descriptive haha). I stop eating raw salads and fruits and stick to chicken, avocado, rice cakes, walnuts and almonds. It helps and I can occasionally eat processed food with a little discomfort.
  
• Present * After sticking to those foods for months, I start feeling worse and now the weird pooping situation gets more uncomfortable and I feel like I need to poop all day, but when I go, sometimes it's just gas and sometimes it comes out a lot and sometimes a little. Dexilant made my stool darker, but since taking digestive enzymes it became lighter and it's more yellow than brown to say it somehow. There's no mucus as far as I can tell (it has been, but not recently, the same goes for blood). I also experience abdominal pain on a daily basis, sometimes it feels on the stomach and sometimes it feels on my intestines (seems like a mix of gastritis + whatever is going on on my gut).
  

I also tried ginger and artichoke for weeks, but I felt more cramping and gas. I've also tried Iberogast to no avail
Here's a list of my symtopms, I didn't mention some on the story

• Bloating (my abdomen doesn't look like a balloon, but man, I can feel the gas pushing my insides)
• Abdominal pain (fullness in stomach or in intestines)
• Fatigue
• Farting when gas decides to come out
• Cramps
• Brain fog
• Migraines
• Excessive burping
• That weird mix between constipation and diarrhea
• Sometimes trapped gas on my esophagus
• Sometimes spasms/twitches all over my body (if that's the expression)
• Bad breath
• Intermittently, a sharp pain under my right rib (it feels as if something was going to explode, but only lasts a few seconds and it can happen after eating or while eating, but this isn't common, and I think it's gas on my large intestine because when my bloating gets worse, I get this pain, besides, eating high fat foods don't always trigger it, so I doubt it's my gallbladder or liver)
• Hunger all the time, which leads me to eat more, but then I feel worse, but I can eat a lot, feel terribly full and after a few hours feel hungry again as if I hadn't eat a thing in years. I feel kinda hypoglicemic and that's when I have intense headaches. That's why I think keto is not for me, when I tried it I lost 6 kilos in only 2 weeks. As I said, I've always been skinny but needed to eat a lot, the difference now is that I feel sick. But, to clarify, I do feel hunger and my stomach growls, which I know is good, but not so good when it seems that there's no way of getting enough nutrients without discomfort

I also want to say that between August and December I managed to gain my weight back from 43 kg to 54 kg (don't know how, I guess I was absorbing more, which make sense since I didn't have this weird diarrhea situation)
I really don't know what to do because my parents have no money for tests nor treatment and I don't have either (I don't earn much, besides I have to buy my own food and meds). I can't stop Dexilant because I've tried and my esophagus just doesn't handle it well (cold turkey, wean off, I've tried it and it's the same in the long-term). Here where I live nobody knows about SIBO and aren't tests available, so I can't say if I have it. The public system health in Mexico is terrible also, I tried it for my GERD at first and I received the worst treatment and I obviously wasn't rude by any means :(. I haven't tried more extreme approaches such as ED or carnivore since I don't know what's the best for me because as I said, I just suppose that my glucose levels go down easily. I can eat high-protein and high-fat and low-carb and still feel weak. Is it the PPI? Is it leaky gut? Is it stress? I don't know.
I've thought about getting a better job where they give me a nice private health insurance, but besides it isn't that easy to get a nice job, I get discouraged by these symtopms and not being able to focus properly and have to fight all day with these symptoms. I know stress is a huge factor for me, but how not feel that way when I don't know a s*it about life and since this age I have to deal with a lot.
I've felt suicidal a lot of times. You should understand, it isn't like I want to die, I just don't know how to get better and stop suffering while trying to do every single thing you're supposed to. I just want to be able to hang out with my friends, have fun and live a life as the young person I am :(.
Thank you for reading :)

I wanted to share my experience with all of you; Following a traumatic event I experienced motility issues and severe constipation; I jumped through many hoops trying to get to the root of the issue to no avail;
I went into an urgent care sometimee before my gastro had scheduled for a colonoscopy procedure; the urgent care prescribed me azithroymycin and prednisone; I believe the azithryomocyin may have cured my condition because I started having regular bowel movements; with that I also experienced panic attacks and severe depression from what I believe was a lack of gut microbiota, from what I’ve researched; rebuilding the gut is a painstaking process and many people are faced with uncertainty and bouts of depression; I still get panic attacks and feel out of breath but I changed the way I eat; I gave up drinking alcohol completely which also presented with its own set of anxiety because the gut was extremely sensitive to not having the alcohol present; that paired with the sudden change in my diet has put my body into shock; I’m slowly regaining my strength and found out I am deficient in so many vitamins; a life time of partying and over indulging has brought me to another turning point for me; I just want to tell everyone that your body is resilient and you will recover; my tests came back negative for h pylori and c diff fter the procedure; the doctor found no polyps but he said there was inflammation; I have been prescribed histamine blockers and I take them occasionally; I’ve really had to learn to listen to my body to know how to talk myself out of panic attacks and understand how to reduce inflammation; I am slowly getting stronger but still have sudden bouts of paranoia and existential dread; these feelings come back and I’ve read that there is a direct link between this and the stomach. Just know you should think happy thoughts and make sure you have air conditioning any sort of amenity you can afford. The hospital is the worst place to go but it can provide comfort in knowing you will be surrounded by medical professionals if the worst were to happen. I’m posting this because most people don’t get to hear the good news because most people heal completely and disappear from Reddit so I felt I owed everyone some words of encouragement

Hello ladies, <3
It's lovely to meet you all.
My name is Lisa, and I'm going to give you a little bit of a BG first.
I'm 41 (in a few weeks), married, was a virgin until I was married, recently had a baby. ^_^
Now for a bit of story (this is long, so I'm going to try and pair it down)-
The month that I turned 30 (June), I woke up to something that I thought was a UTI- naturally went to the doctor, got antibiotics, it seemed better, went on with life. A few days later, here it was again. This started a cycle that lasted over 8 months, and cost easily over 4,000$ in doctor visits, and the like. There was lots of head scratching, and about 6 different rounds of antibiotics that were all different.
Eventually they diagnosed me with "urethritis" (if you have chronic pain in your urethral area, please look into this.)
Long story short, lots started going wrong. Serious pain in my "lower half" (internally). I started going to the doctor for other things.
But I'll never forget when I went in for another exam, the doctor put her finger in me, and the pain was so intense that I fell back. That was new. More tests, more problems. I went to a specialist. She diagnosed me with vestibulitis and vulvodynia and told me that it would clear up in about 6 months.
Welp, a year went by, then another. I am married, so this was extremely difficult on our sex life. Almost every time we had sex, it was excruciating for me. We actually went an entire year one time without almost touching each other.
I started doing my own research and digging into things and I found a group on facebook called "Vulvodynia Curing it Naturally with Laura." - And I'll tell you right now, while I understand that correlation does NOT equal causation - nearly EVERY SINGLE WOMAN in there had the same story about how all of their symptoms started. - The culprit ? Antibiotics, or some medicine for "down there" (as a few had had yeast infections and used monostat)... I saw a few posts earlier this week where women said they got it after surgery (of things not related to the vagina)... the more likely scenario is that the antibiotics did it as most surgeries require you to take antibiotics afterwards.
The vagina is an ecosystem made of perfect flora and fauna and when we disrupt it, we can cause all kinds of crappy things to happen... pain, dryness, itching, and so on. Antibiotics work to destroy bacteria- and not only the bad, but the good as well.
What I found were a few things - firstly, if you CAN contact her, get Laura to send you her free book on how she cured her vulvodynia (I DO NOT have it- so please don't ask. I had it years ago, but no longer do.)
What I can tell you, however is this- her book talks a lot about the benefits of replacing good bacteria, PH balancing (drinking water like essentia, etc), and eating a LOW OXALATE diet- I started to eat a low oxalate diet, and I only followed it about 80 % (Because I'm a dumb dumb) and I'll tell you right now, even THAT much saw an improvement in pain. I was floored. It DID take some time (about a month to really start to notice a difference) But I went from near constant feeling like burning / acidy feeling down there, to having breaks, and the overall pain lessening by about 30% ... that was HUGE for me.
Something else I did was started taking several probiotics, and drinking KEFIR, etc. I SUGGEST Femdophilus if you haven't taken it/ tried it.
Still, it wasn't gone, and our sex life was still suffering tremendously.
So, I started doing another round of research and realized that there was a good chance that the doctors had also missed something.
Not to get TOO TMI - but for years, I had had GREEN discharge... like snot -_- So gross. No one could ever explain that. I didn't have an STD, There was no trace of certain kinds of bacteria that would make that happen.
One day I came upon an article about desquamative vaginitis, and they stated that for many women the answer seemed to be vitamin D- Welp, I went out, bought some regular old vitamin D, and started slamming it like crazy to the point of near ODing on it. (I looked up how much was safe to take first) ...
And let me tell you... I thought I was crazy, but the pain that I had been experiencing for over EIGHT YEARS almost vanished overnight...
I believe it was all of the things that I did working together, but I've been basically in "remission" for about 3 years now. I even had a baby. ^_^
I STILL have a day EVERY SO OFTEN where I get a "minor" itch down there, that is totally manageable and nothing like before, but otherwise? Pain free.
I don't claim any of this as "cure" or any such thing, but if anyone can be helped by ANY of this, then God bless you, I hope it helps. <3
Well, that's my story, and I REALLY hope someone benefits from it. <3

Chapter 26 - The Infinite Beckons
Previous Chapter
“Okay, this part’s a little tricky.” Ma’et gestured out the shuttle’s cockpit. “You got lined up easy enough, and our velocity’s at a relative zero to the ship. The bay door’s open. Now you engage the lateral thrusters while monitoring the distance from the shuttle to the bay’s interior wall. Come in too fast and you’ll damage them both..”
Trix looked over at the controls, and the neatly gummed labels that the humans had placed over the English text with her own language. She gingerly pressed the ‘Lateral Thruster’ button, then as the control knob next to it lit up, she twisted it slowly.
An earlier misadventure when lining up the ship and the shuttle where she’d twisted the control knob much more rapidly made her much more cautious about giving it too much power too quickly, yet the shuttle slowly drifted - away from the ship. “Other thruster, feathers.”
Chagrined, she dialed the thruster back to zero, then rotated it the other direction. The ship immediately stopped moving away, and instead drifted into the hangar bay. Trix watched as it drifted past the door, staring at the distance readout until it dropped into the yellow and immediately swung the knob the other way. It took a couple of tries to get the velocity back to zero, but she managed it.
“Beautiful. Now we engage the grav plating which lets the ship’s internal grav pull us down as it ramps up, and close the external door via the console over there.” Ma’et gestured to the remote console, and Trix scanned it, punching the buttons as she found them.
“Nicely done. Go ahead and hit the engine shutdown. In the old days there’d be like, thirty steps to it but nearly all of it is automated. But lucky you, you get to read all about the manual sequence since taking over in the event of computer failure is one of a pilot’s duties.” Ma’et chuckled and squeezed Trix’s shoulder. “For now, that’s good enough. Go ahead and open both the lateral boarding door, and the rear loading door. Also extend the rear loading ramp.”
Trix did, then glanced over at Ma’et. “Anything more?”
“Nope. First day on the job, and you’ve done the first job successfully. Not perfectly, but pretty damn good for your first time piloting off planet. Go ahead and head back to talk with the Captain, and I’ll handle the rest.”
Trix unbuckled the acceleration harness (Though, she felt zero acceleration during the entire trip so she couldn’t fathom just WHY Ma’et had insisted on her buckling in) and moved past the much smaller woman as she left the cockpit.
In the back, Josh was already outside the ship, grabbing a handtruck. She watched as he pushed it up the loading ramp to the stack of boxes that contained the food and equipment she’d need for the next few weeks of existence here in space. “Why aren’t you using one of the gravity belts?” She gestured over to the wall where the belts were hanging.
“Eh, this stuff’s fairly light and those have a limited lifespan. I don’t want to burn out the Keplite cores on stuff we can just move by hand. They’re expensive.”
“Oh. What’s Keplite, anyway? Ji and Min have mentioned it a few times.” Trix glanced over at the large belts with their big circular pads in the middle.
Before Josh could answer, Alex walked in between them. “Ji, Min! We’re going to be converting the room across from yours back into crew quarters for Trix. Gonna need you two to move the Spider. Is there room here in the hangar for it?”
“It’ll fit better if we assemble it and use packing mode.” Ji countered, as he hopped out of the shuttle. “It’ll take a day or so. We’ve got it spread all out in there.”
Alex turned over to Trix and beckoned. “Follow me. Gonna give you the full tour while they’re unloading." He took a few steps back, then lifted his arms wide to gesture to their surroundings. "This is obviously the hangar bay. Shuttle's the big thing you were just flying. Below us is a small cargo hold, empty right now. Not gonna show you unless you happen to like large empty boring-ass boxes.” He raised an eyebrow, and Trix quickly shook her head. "Alright. Most of the shit in here is just maintenance tools and loading gear. Nothing exciting. Ramp to main transit corridor here."
They walked out into the hallway. “Okay, well through that door’s opposite the hangar is the fabber bay. The fabber is a huge machine that manufactures stuff for us, like a 3D printer. Do you guys have anything like that?” Trix shrugged, and Alex continued. “Well either way, it can make virtually anything from a bed to a bomb to a computer. The more complex and difficult items take a hell of a lot longer to make. It’s also a major power hog since the manufacturing process uses extremely powerful fields, both magnetic and force. In other words, if you need something and we didn’t bring it with you we can make it here.”
He walked down the hall a bit, and gestured to the doors on either side. “Launcher bays, 1 and 2. Normally we use ‘em to launch beacons, buoys, sensors, things like that into space. If someone tries to start shit with us we CAN use them to launch missiles but we have very few of those available. We’re not out here to get in fights, but if we have to defend ourselves we pack a big punch.” He opened one of the doors and walked inside. “The big hatch over there is the manual tube loader. The ship can auto-load various things but if we need to put something into space that isn’t already in storage, that’s where we do it. If Ji tells you to climb in yourself, he’s joking and you should hit him because it only exists to launch shit into space.”
Trix laughed at that, but she had learned enough of Ji’s sense of humor while working on the car to understand the sentiment. “Will I even be in here at all though?”
“Maybe. If something needs to be manually loaded, we use these. Back when we were at the derelict ship I had to send a battery over to help out while we planned our rescue. You might be asked to do the same.” Alex shrugged and lead her out into the hall. “Last thing here is the ship’s primary armament.” He reached over to the side of the hallway and pressed a hatch release. The compartment it lead to was incredibly small and tightly cramped.
“We don’t use it much outside of scaring off pirates or relieving stress, but this is our primary weapon out in space. Eight-chamber five meter long rotary railgun. Fires one round every 1.2 seconds that travel roughly a million kilometers per hour when fired stationary, or closer to 280 kilometers per second. It fires either solid armor-piercing unguided slugs or flak munitions that are used to produce clouds of metallic debris. The former will shred a ship’s armor and pulverize anything inside. The latter can overwhelm particle shields and damage exterior components without nearly as much penetration. The reason I’m saying all this to you,” He tapped the top of the cannon where it joined to the ship. “This thing’s got a super limited firing arc. Meaning that we can only shoot what we’re pointed at. If, by some miracle, we get into a fight out there then our ability to shoot back is gonna depend on your ability to fly the ship while facing the enemy.”
Trix swallowed heavily as she tried to imagine just how powerful this massive cannon was. She glanced over at the side of it, to the twin belts that fed in ammo. Each round it would fire was longer than her forearm and thicker than her waist.
“That’s the worst case scenario though. In reality, if we get into any shit out there, fighting is the LAST thing we want to do. Negotiation to avoid hostility first, escape second, fight last.” Alex shooed her out of the compartment. “That said if we encounter any low-yield junk out there then we’ll get some target practice in. If you’re game then we can let you try targeting for a bit and unload some kinetic mayhem while things are dull.” He grinned wickedly, as he manually pulled the hatch back into place, sliding two large locking levers into place.
“Okay, that’s it for this deck. There’s stairs on the far side leading up to the tech deck but the ladder here’s quicker.”
They climbed up the ladder, with Alex leading and Trix following. Her wings banged against the ceiling as she climbed, and it took her a few moments to get them tucked in tight enough to get through the hatch but with Alex’s help they got up there.
“Tech deck. Mostly. In the front of the ship here right under Bridge access is the exception, the pool room.” He opened the door and they walked in together. “Mainly used for observation but the pool there is great for relaxation. You can adjust the temperature with the controls on the wall there, goes from chilly to full on hot tub. Adjustable depth from 3 to 10 feet, and the pool walls are display panels. If you use a breather it’s fun to turn the display to external then go down underwater and relax while staring at the stars. Do you swim much?”
Trix nodded. “Sure, there’s a river a… couple kilometers? I think? I’m not good with converting distances yet. Anyway, it’s near the hab and we’d go there when I was younger and didn’t have as much to do in the fields.”
“Cool. Well, feel free to use it but just a word of warning you might want to check if anyone’s in first. Swimwear is optional and since the crew is a pretty tight family we don’t usually get embarrassed if we’re seen swimming in the buff.” Alex waved over at the control console. “If you’re not sure the big green button on the outside is the comm button, just ask if anyone’s using it.”
“Ji brought me in here when we came up to do the medical scans. He showed me Kiveyt from orbit for the first time. Do all human ships have a room like this?” Trix reached over to dip her hand into the water. It was quite warm to the touch.
“Nah. This ship wasn’t originally designed as a scout ship or survey ship. It was originally a yacht. Big luxury vehicle for rich people to fly around in space and have fun in. Throw parties. Most of the ridiculous amenities it has I got rid of ages ago, but that left a huge amount of space we filled up with all the launchers and sensors and whatnot. I kept the pool though because I love soaking after a long day.” He pressed the door control and they left the pool room.
“Just past the pool room on either side of the ship we have collection dishes for D-space particles. Those are EVA only, so you won’t be dealing with those. They let us collect extremely powerful particles which lead back here.” Alex spoke as he walked, and turned the corner into a much, much larger room.
“This is the ship’s main power supply. Charged particles enter the torus reactor and discharge energy which is converted into electrical power and routed through the ship. Those bottles over there…” He gestured to four massive grey metal canisters on the wall. “Contain the actual particles. They’re made of the strongest materials we have because if one ruptured, the ship would instantly explode from the inside out. Don’t worry,” Alex quickly raised his hands. “The chances of that happening are virtually impossible. This is the single most well-protected location on the ship.”
He gestured to the other side of the large room. “Over there’s the terminals that Min is usually at. She and Ji are in charge of all engineering. That means power, propulsion, all computer systems, and the like. Well, the physical parts of them that is. Ma’et is our computer geek when it comes to integration, programming, and all the fun software shit.”
Alex left the room, and gestured to the other side. “I’m sure you’re familiar with medical over there. Let’s do us both a favor and not have to go there much. Otherwise I’m pretty sure Kyshe will gut me.” He didn’t stop to show her inside, and they reached the main staircase. “The back half of the ship on this deck is all propulsion access and maintenance. I’m more or less our damage control guy, along with Ji and Min. For them it’s because they’re smart as shit and for me it’s because I had to learn how to maintain my own ship. Most common damage out here is stray micro meteors or debris while we’re parked and the particle shields are down. Sometimes worn out components inside. Again, no EVA for you so the only thing you’ll need to worry about for DC is being an assistant to one of us while we fix shit.”
They went up the stairwell to the uppermost of the three floors. “There used to be an observation bubble above us, but I had it removed because it was useless. Even if I covered it with ablative plating it was a massive wart on top of the ship that served zero practical purpose. Anyway, the top floor here is where you’ll spend 90% of your time on the ship. Back here…” Alex started walking to the rear of the ship, and walked through a large open doorway. “Mess hall. We generally have two kinds of meals here - when we’re on long deployment, the food extruder over there can produce rations. They’re not amazing but they’re quick both to make and eat. It’ll also make reasonable meat and dairy substitutes. If you want a real meal though we usually keep the good stuff in deep freeze so it takes a fair amount of time to be ready. Other than that the bev dispenser is over there. Water and various juices on tap all the time, alcohol is restricted only to meals only. We all get together for breakfast and dinner though, since it’s just a good way to socialize. Tonight expect a big meal in celebration.”
He walked out of the mess, and opened a door to a large open area. “Rec room. Not used a whole lot because most of us use haptic suits for exercise and recreation but we don’t have a suit that’ll fit you or your wings, so I want you to be in here twice a week at least. Ma’et is a great partner for any exercise that doesn’t involve fighting, unless you like bruises in which case she’ll happily go a few rounds with gloves on. Pilots don’t get the level of exercise you’re used to on the planet working fields so exercise up here will be pretty damn vital.”
She looked around the room, then hurried to catch up to the captain as he walked out. “On the other side of the hall from the Mess is general storage. Cleaning supplies, a small laundry unit if the one in your room quits working, random odds and ends. Also a few extra bunks just in case we need them. Unfortunately I am going to have to have you spend one night in here while we get your room cleaned up and ready for you.” He walked in, and over to one of the walls. “Bunk folds down from here. Looks, uh…” He glanced at the fold-down bed and back at Trix. “Looks tight. Do me a favor and see if you’re gonna be OK there?”
It was very close, but Trix laid down on the sleeping pad and adjusted until she found a good comfortable spot. “For just one night, this will do…”
“Alright, no worries then. We’ll have your room ready quick as we can.” She got off the pad and Alex gestured for her to follow. “Quarters themselves are here, 4 on either side of the main hallway. Myself, Josh, Ma’et, and Amanda on the right in that order. Ji, Min, Your quarters, and the last was converted into a mechanical room for Par. Speaking of…”
He walked into the last room and knocked on a large hatch. “Par, would it be alright if I introduced our newest shipmate?”
“Of course, Captain.” The hatch slid silently open revealing a large, intricate array. Circuit boards were laid out in rows and wires ran between them in perfectly neat, ordered channels. In the center of it all was a large oblong egg-looking object. “Trix, may I present to you Parathanelias Sigma-822.”
Several rows of lights lit up along the side of the egg, and the pleasant musical voice she’d heard so often came from a small speaker alongside it. “It is a pleasure to meet you in person, Trksehnoarala.”
Trix stared at the open hatch then gestured behind her. “I thought you were in those floating metal balls…?”
“The spheres you mention are my remotes. None of them are large enough to house my primary systems. In a way, they are my eyes, ears, and limbs. My true nature is integration here within the ship itself, and I make up for my limited mobility in person by having the greatest mobility of any other member of the crew.”
“He also has an avatar in VR of an organic human, but most of the time he uses the floating spheres to interact with us and the rest of the world. His core,” Alex gestured to the egg-like central object, “houses his base personality and his most important memories. The rest of this is extra storage for less critical information. I’m a bit jealous because his most important memories will always be preserved forever in perfect clarity. The rest of us get to have our memories fade with time, but his will be eternal.”
Alex stood there mutely for a moment then shook his head. “Anyway. Back to the tour. Thanks Par!”
“My pleasure.” The hatch slid silently shut and Alex and Trix left the room. “This room has been empty for long enough I pretty much gave it over to Ji and Min for a long while.” Alex walked into the room next to Par’s. “It’s kind of a mess but we’re going to get it cleaned up then it’ll be yours.”
There was no bed in the room, and the tables against the walls were covered with electronics and quickboards. In the center of the room, a huge metal contraption was spread out. Eight large jointed legs were wired in to a big central circular turret. Above that, a multitude of ‘limbs’ extended out - one a large grasper with clawed metal fingers, another ending with an odd cone-shaped implement with a blackened tip. A third was a huge metal pipe jutting out, and a fourth looked to be a number of small openings to place something into.
Trix gestured to it, “What is THAT thing?”
“That’s the Spider. It’s a long-time project the Twins have been working on. Pretty much since they joined the crew, really. It was meant to be a mechanical walker for the military but… well, that’s their story to tell.” Alex snorted. “There’s going to be enough time to go into the details later. Point is, before we even start leaving the system we’re gonna move this out, get a full king sized bed in here for you, some more storage, and so on. That door,” He gestured to a door on the other side of the room, “Leads to a hygiene unit. Full on shower, no bath but if you want to soak the Pool’s down a floor. Aside from no tub it has a deluxe toilet, sink, and a small cleaning unit for clothes.”
Trix cautiously stepped around the large disassembled robot, and opened the door to peer inside. The hygiene unit was much larger than she’d expected, and she was grateful to see that most of the facilities was familiar to her.
“Okay, one last stop and it’s the most important.” Alex walked out into the hallway and Trix rushed to catch up, almost tripping as she hopped over a piece of scrap cable along the floor. “I’m sure this will become your second home on the ship real fast. The bridge.”
They walked down the hall through a small access corridor into a large, wide open space. A large chair sat in the center with a number of controls and articulating arms present on the back. In front of it, a number of control panels were arranged in rows. The front of the bridge and both sides were dominated by massive window screens that showed the area the ship was currently facing. She could see one screen to the side with a display showing Kiveyt, first as a small dot with a zoomed-in and blown up image next to it.
“The door back there in the corner leads to a briefing room, nothing special there but a table and chairs. The big chair in the middle is mine, but if you ask super nicely I’ll let you sit in it.” Alex grinned, and pointed at the console in the very center of the bridge, in front of the Captain’s chair. “But that station over there is primary navigation. Josh is there quite a lot of the time, though just as often I navigate from the Captain’s Chair or Ma’et controls the ship from her neural interface. As of now, though, I bequeath ownership of it unto you - for the next few weeks, at least.”
Trix walked around the bridge staring at everything. The control consoles were smooth, rounded and sleek in their presentation. Each one had a large keyboard in front covered with the strange runes of the Humans’ language. Various other instruments and implements were present at each station, but at hers she smiled gratefully to see that the keys had already changed and had more familiar and recognizable letters in place of the Humans odd script. The layout was definitely weird, and she knew it was going to take time and effort to grow accustomed but at the very least she would be able to understand what she was doing as she learned. Even better, the seat lacked the same high back that the other seats had, which would have been pressed tightly and uncomfortably against her wings.
She glanced back at Alex, who just nodded at her. Encouraged, she took a seat and glanced around. “This is mine.” She whispered it and then let her wings spread out with pleasure as she realized that from here, from this station, she would be the one personally controlling the entire massive vehicle behind her. It lacked the flight stick of the shuttle or the handle controls of her aircar, and in a way she felt disappointed she wouldn’t be able to manually control the ship the same way she could the smaller vehicles. But as she looked around her and rested her hands on the cool surface of the console, she felt something else. A thrill of anticipation at the thought of being the one in control of this massive ship and everyone inside of it.
Alex climbed several steps up to the captain’s chair on its elevated dais, and took a seat directly behind her. The sight of a winged alien in front of him at the nav console with the stars stretching out above and beyond her was a strange one, but a pleasant one. He tried to think of a witty quip to finish the tour with, but failing that he settled for a much simpler one instead.
“Welcome aboard, Pilot.”
—--
“Okay, before we get started, I believe that this is a special occasion warranting a toast.” Alex sat at the head of the large table at the mess, with the other six organic members of the crew assembled further down. “To our new pilot trainee!”
“Here Here!” “To Trix!” “To our Trainee!”
Alex took a sip of his whisky, and sighed in pleasure. “God that hits the spot. Okay everyone, dig in.”
The dinner was an odd affair, mostly because every single member was wearing their visor. Trix could not speak English, and the crew couldn’t speak her native tongue. Masks which would automatically translate couldn’t be worn during a meal so the solution was to have real-time speech to text appearing on everyone’s visor. Trix, who never had worn a visor before, had a difficult time getting the display to appear just right in front of her eyes but she and Par had gotten it dialed in.
Trix glanced at the array of food in front of her. Some items looked familiar, others completely foreign, and none of it smelled quite right. She gestured to the food. “None of this is from Kiveyt. Is it safe for me to eat it?”
“I went through our entire comestible database while we were on the planet. Surprisingly there’s almost no Terran food you can’t eat.” Josh had a massive burrito nearly as long as Ma’et’s arm on the plate in front of him, and he spoke while dabbing hot sauce over it. “All of our Macronutrients are completely interchangeable. Most Micronutrients are as well. There’s a few exotic vitamins and amino acids that you need that we can’t provide, but we have supplements from the planet that’ll handle those.”
“Oh.” Trix glanced around at the table, trying to decide what to eat. The spread was, per Alex’s suggestion, extremely large and quite diverse. “I’m not sure where to start then.”
Min picked up a large platter with a circular dish on it. “Far as I’m concerned the best place to start is with Pizza. It’s one of the most widely loved foods throughout Terran space.” She dumped a slice onto the plate in front of Trix, while Ji slid a very tall glass of water over to her, alongside an odd reddish looking beverage.
“Give the fruit punch a try too. It’s much more sweet than the juice you were serving down on the planet. A lot more mild too.” He suggested, and gestured to another plate. “Also? Tacos are never a bad choice.”
Trix reached out and picked up one of the odd, semi-circular items. Ji grabbed one as well, and bit into it with gusto. Trix mimicked the motion, crunching into the hard shell. It was quite interesting, tasteless at first as she bit into the shell and the lettuce, but then the spiced meat hit her tongue. It was quite mild but not unpleasant. She chewed on it and gulped down a mouthful. “Not bad.” She took another bite.
The taco vanished quickly, and she glanced down at the slice of Pizza next. “Like this, Trix.” Min gestured to pick it up by the crust, putting her fingers in front of it to prevent it from flopping down. Trix followed Min’s example, and took a huge bite. This one was even milder, almost disappointingly so. “Not much flavor to this one. Is all your food really light like this?”
The humans glanced around at that. “Y’know, Sophie mentioned our rations were tasteless. They have a pretty strong cinnamon taste to ‘em.” Alex sat back thoughtfully as he nursed the glass of whisky in his hand. “The food we had down on the planet was all pretty strong flavors…”
Josh handed the bottle of hot sauce in his hand over to Trix. “Try a dab of this. It adds a kick to some foods.”
Trix took the bottle, and put a few drops of it on the slice of pizza in front of her. She took another bite, and her eyes lit up. The next few bites all had more hot sauce each, and the crust itself ended up practically drenched in it. “Thanks, Josh. That was delicious.”
The rest of the crew was staring at her and she shrunk back slightly at their intense scrutiny. Had she done something wrong? She hadn’t ever offended them during any meals back on the planet, so the sudden shift in attention was jarring and quite uncomfortable.
Ji whistled at the sight of the alien hungrily wofling down the slice of pizza covered in bright spicy sauce. “Here, try some of that on a taco next!” He picked up another shell and offered it to her.
Trix reached out and took the taco, this time pouring a hefty amount of sauce on it. Eating this one was much messier, and she could feel the hot sauce dribbling down the side of her mouth as she took a huge bite. Min handed her a paper towel, and she embarrassedly wiped away the errant food. “Thanks, Min. That was great too, Ji.”
“Hold up.” Alex stood up and walked over to one of the cupboards, pulling out another bottle of sauce. “I’m curious now. This is a lot hotter than the sauce you’ve been trying thus far. See if it’s to your liking. Just, start with a very small amount. A little goes a LONG way.” He walked back to the table, placing the bottle next to Trix. She studied it briefly, mostly the logo - a caricature of a human whose head appeared to be on fire.
“Um, Okay. Should I try it with the Pizza or the Taco?” She glanced between the two dishes she’d already tried. “Either one. Whichever you prefer.” was Alex’s reply.
Trix reached out and grabbed a third Taco, opening up the bottle. Immediately she could smell the fragrant sauce within, and she carefully poured a small amount into the shell. She cautiously took a bite and chewed thoughtfully.
“Too hot?” Alex suggested, but she shook her head. “No. Just…” She poured more sauce on the taco, and ate the rest in only a few bites. “Whew. Sorry, Captain Alexander. That was incredible! I’ve never tasted anything like it before.”
“Captain Alexander just sounds weird. Call me Alex or Al. Or ‘Captain’ if you really, really need to use my rank for whatever reason.” Alex sat down, and chuckled. “But that’s interesting. Very, very interesting. That sauce there?” He gestured towards the bottle. “It’s made with a chemical called ‘Capsaicin’. To humans it’s a powerful spice. Too much of it causes a painful burning sensation that lingers. We normally dilute it to make it more palatable and less painful.”
Trix glanced at the bottle. “I guess that explains the fire on the little picture here.” She grabbed another slice of the pizza, and drizzled the sauce on top.
“Three tacos and two slices of pizza?” Ma’et was impressed as she saw how much food the Avian was packing away.
“The disadvantage of those muscular bodies.” Josh waved his hand towards Trix. “They require all the calories that a Human does and more. Back on the planet I learned their species used to be a lot smaller, but after developing animal husbandry and reliable sources of higher calorie foods they bulked up pretty quick.”
Trix, for her part, slicked off the second slice of pizza with gusto. She grabbed a fourth taco, and liberally poured the spicy sauce all over, before wolfing that down as well. She grabbed the fruit juice that Ji had offered her… the ‘punch’? And downed it almost as quickly.
“I hope after all this is over, we can buy some more of that sauce. I definitely want the others back at home to try it.” She licked her lips, and sighed with contentment. “This juice too. I like how sweet it is.”
“Birds are immune to Capsaicin.” Josh murmured softly, but it was picked up by the visor and translated perfectly. “I wonder what the chances are that space-birds would be too?”
—--
“Slide the jack under that joint there.” Trix did as instructed, wheeling the small hydraulic device under the ‘spider’s’ massive leg. “Great. Just gotta line up the leg with where the servos join in…” Ji and Min lifted the leg and immediately began connecting up cables and lines. After all the connections were made, Ji braced himself against the wall and shoved - hard - against the leg, firmly connecting the mechanical rotary joint into place.
“Okay, testing.” Min walked over to the console and began punching in codes. Like the other six limbs before it, this one shook slightly then began to flex, twist, and move around. “Range of motion is nominal. Motors are all showing peak. Locking joints and anchor bolt systems are green.”
Ji wiped off some sweat from his forehead, and leaned back against the wall. “I knew it was a mistake to work on it up here. At least if we put it in the hangar we could have lowered the gravity.”
“It would have been in the way during the rescue op, and we had enough shit going on then we didn’t need to add ‘reassemble a multi-ton walking modular platform’ to the list.” Min gestured with her head, not even glancing over at her brother. “Man up. Trix hasn’t even broken a sweat.”
“I don’t sweat.” Trix mumbled, as she stared at the massive machine. “This thing is crazy. Puts my car to shame.”
“Yeah, our pride and joy. Together we’ve spent decades refining it.” Min glanced over at Trix with a broad smile. “The modular bay on top has been my focus, while Ji’s been adjusting and perfecting the leg and motion systems.”
“What’s it for?”
“Well, right now it’s kind of in between intended uses.” Ji walked over to a large shelf and gestured to the assorted objects there. “With our original plans it was going to have a bunch of swappable options. Right now, it has short and long range assault armaments and a plasma cutter for breaching sealed doors. A basic military drone capable of adapting to all kinds of situations.”
Trix stared at the array of weapons in front of her. “So this is what the human military uses to fight with?”
“Nah.” Min set down the quickboard and walked over to the huge machine. “We envisioned it as a multi-purpose response unit. Capable of dropping in from outside the atmosphere an landing anywhere, going anywhere. Dealing with any situation that could possibly arise. It’s an all-terrain support mech and its modular nature would have made it able to respond to nearly any situation. And it was rejected by the military.”
“What? Why?”
Ji held up a hand and ticked off his fingers. “One, it’s more expensive to drop one of these than a squad of soldiers. Nevermind the fact that it can do 10 people’s worth of work without putting even a single person in danger. Two, it’s too big to be fired out of normal launchers. Adding new launchers to ships would have been a significant amount of work and cost that the navy wasn’t willing to foot the bill. Three, we didn’t have any money after developing it. Meaning we couldn’t bribe anyone in the government into pressuring the military to work with us.”
“Four, they already have hover tanks and artillery and we couldn’t convince them that our system was superior to those.” Min sighed, and threw herself into a chair.
“Hovering is cheating though.” Ji glared at his sister.
“Cheating? What?” Trix just looked bewildered at this.
“Hovering isn’t all-terrain. Hovering is NO terrain.”
“Oh.” Trix took a seat in a nearby chair herself. “So did the captain buy this then?”
“Nope. See, we were finishing up Uni and started developing the Spider, but we didn’t really have the money to actually MAKE one. We had all the plans and all the research on our side but not the raw materials or the money to get those raw materials.” Ji pulled out a stick of gum and popped it in his mouth. “At first we tried going straight to the military which was a huge mistake, they just made a million excuses and told us to get lost. Then we tried approaching some weapon dev companies for funding. They basically told us they’d fund it in exchange for all the rights to production and we’d get whatever they felt was fair. Which when we pressed on a figure, wasn’t much.”
Trix glanced over at the massive mech. “But it got made, obviously.”
“Yup. When we weren’t sure what to do, a buddy of ours mentioned that Al was looking for an engineering team. We can do starship engineering.” Min grabbed the quickboard and extended one of the spider’s legs towards her, so she could kick her feet up on it. “Matter of fact, this ship’s a thing of beauty. Al is a complete doofus but he takes fantastic care of the ship. When we came on we gave him a list of everything that should change. He sat down with us, went over it point by point, and even though it ended up costing over half a million credits he gave us full authorization to make every single change we suggested.”
“So after we did a stint working as engineers we joined up as crew.” Ji had an odd smile on his face. “Since then, we’ve put the money we made from working here towards building this thing. We actually had it completed but then I had this idea of using an array of microservo actuators instead of a larger servo to give us a lot more fine control over the joints. That didn’t work, like, at all but when we used a combination of them we managed to find just the right ratio that gives us twice the amount of precision in each joint, which lets us use the-”
“ANYWAY.” Min interrupted her Brother before he could get too deep into the weeds. “We had it built, with the original armaments we envisioned, but Al suggested making a module for mining and sampling. We brought it in here in order to disassemble it to make the servo adjustments and while we were at it we were going to be replacing the actual weapons with a mining beam, core sample collector, and an array of sensors. Now though we’re going to put it in storage for a while. We got much more important things to take care of now.”
“Oh.” Trix had begun to tune Ji out when he launched into his diatribe. “But what do you mean joined up as crew? You were already crew, weren’t you?”
Min swung her foot down, and gestured to the ship. “It’s different. There’s employees… and then there’s crew. Right now you’re an employee. You’re working with us, you’re out here, but your home’s back with your Teff. Right?”
Trix nodded.
“Well, when you’re crew… this is your home. We’re all family out here. I don’t know as much about the whole Teff thing but I think it’s sort of similar. This ship’s our home, the crew is our family. Alex may be a childish idiot but he’s loyal to his crew like nothing else.” Min stood up and walked over to put her hand on her brother’s shoulder. “When we worked here and started to see how well he treats his people, we felt like we could really belong here. He asked if we’d like to join up, so we did. Best decision we ever made.”
“Yup. He treats the crew as well as he treats the ship.” Ji gestured around him. “Working for him paid well. Working as crew, we don’t get paid regularly but we get a cut out of every mission and that cut is HUGE. That’s how we could afford to actually build the spider in the first place.”
“Ah. So if he invited me along, does that mean he wants me to join the crew too?” Trix wasn’t sure how she felt about that. Joining another family was commonplace for males who left their Teff to join others, but incredibly rare for females.
“Dunno. He’s hired on specialists in the past who’ve come and gone. And he’s invited people to join up who said no and that was that.” Ji shrugged and pressed the release on the hydraulic press, letting it collapse down. “C’mon, we should get the last leg attached. Then we can pack it up and use a grav collar to move it down to the hangar. Don’t want to make you stay in that cramped storage room again tonight.”
“Yeah, I tried to stretch my wings in the morning and I banged up against one of the shelves. Really not looking forward to that again.” Trix grumbled at the memory, and stood up. “Okay, what more do we need done to get this over with?”
—--

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Edit: Add ToC and correct flow of post. Best to read on laptop or desktop!

1. Disclaimer
2. Introduction
3. Glycerin properites
4. --
5. Research- safety
6. Research- source
7. Research- density and comparison to hyaluronic acid
8. Research- ability to last on applied area
9. Benefits on skin
10. Benefits on hair
11. Use in makeup
12. Use in makeup remover

13.- 17. my journey

1. (correction paragraph 18) Starting ratios

1. Please know, I am a regular human, just like you. I am not a specialist, doctor, or a scientist of any kind. I have spent over 2 years in writing this (post has been in my drafts and I worked on it in my free time only.) I have talked about using glycerin and the changes I have seen on my own body many times on here and I always received comments from someone wanting more information on glycerin which is not easily available. (I think it's because of how cheap it is and how its the top ingredient in many products we use, companies don't want us to know lol.) My sources are from medical/universal research libraries that I have access to from my university. Still, research papers are very complicated to understand and takes a long time to get through the whole study so if I made a mistake in comprehending anything, please let me know. Lets begin :)
2. This product/poly compound does have many names/spellings but I'll be sticking to glycerin. Glycerin is used in vast variety of products like medicine/wound care, food industry, hygiene products including soaps, skincare, hair care and more. Glycerin is stable, nontoxic, non irritating and hypoallergenic with mild antibacterial, antiviral, and antimicrobial effects. Because of these properties it is said that about 20% of all glycerin is used in our territory (makeup, skincare, hygiene) which is a very large portion. Glycerin is also fairly cheap so you can see it in the top 10-15% of the ingredient list (especially in products that promote hydration) or towards the bottom 25% in preventative products making it the most underrated, versatile, and affordable product all should have in their cupboards
3. In skin/hair care, glycerin is a humectant (retaining or preserving moisture) an emollient (quality of softening or smoothing of the skin), and a thickener. Meaning a moisturizing agent that draws water to the surface of the dermis from the atmosphere or from layers deep in your skin/hair; brighten and soften the dermis and hair at the same time; thicken any liquid formulas. This said, using glycerin in low humidity or dry, hot air can result in drying out your dermis (skin) or hair shaft because it is pulling moisture deep in your dermis or hair. (Personal note: if you wish to use glycerin in locations or seasons where the air is dry, it is best to keep spritzing the area with a mist of just water, preferably distilled, or other hydration mist to prevent the glycerin pulling any to all moisture from your dermis which could result in flaky, dry skin or brassy, frizzy hair strands. I believe after immense research this is the only downside of glycerin).
4. Glycerin has many benefits. You can look at luxury creams to affordable face wash products and chances are, you will see glycerin in it. Some skincare companies now include a directory on their website to explain what each ingredient does and benefit on the skin but I feel it is very vague and wanted to bring some science to this poly compound. Now the accredited and certified research papers I found available to me are limited on its effect on the skin of humans but are on animals with some following up on humans. I was hoping to include links and incorporate wording however it was too cruel so I will summarize.
5. The vast amount of information available is on, if glycerin is a safe product, its effects to our (human) tissues, and possible illness/diseases scientists believed it can cause or be linked to. Like I said, I'll keep the animal testing gory out but to wrap it all up, glycerin is safe. It did not have any effect on the reproductive system for males or females and is not carcinogenic to humans. In a different study, a group of 25 human volunteers (22 male 3 female) were tested orally which resulted in no change in weight of humans if under 50 with or without diabetes, unless over 50 with diabetes history it caused some jittery behavior in one human (this experiment was conducted orally and used 3x a day.) Researchers checked the sperm of males and saw no abnormalities comparing it to when they first came in. For the females, ultrasound showed no abnormalities on their reproductive health. It should be noted, the researchers did not compare anything regarding glycerin and its effect on the thyroid but the other organs tested no abnormalities were found. I also found several studies on inhalation and applying glycerin on eyes was normal in sense nothing will happen other than some irritation that subsides, on animals. Same study then compared their findings on a group of humans and only a couple of people from the testing group reported it caused mild or moderate irritation that lasted for little while. To conclude, there are no known side effects or illness caused or linked to by usage of glycerin. Still, after immense testing it is recommended to patch test glycerin even if being allergic to glycerin is considered rare according to researchers.
6. Glycerin was originally found from lipids of animals (animal fat) but now can be extracted from plants (vegan) like shea butter, palm oil, coconut oil and more. As of today, glycerin from oil has a high extraction rate from palm. Glycerin can also be formed synthetically through fermentation, bio-diesel or chemically created with its chemical compound ( C3H8O3; Carbon 3 Hydrogen 8 Oxygen 3) (Personal note: I am including this because when purchasing you glycerin, be sure on where and how it was extracted as you will be applying it on your dermis or hair.) Glycerin is non-comedogenic, meaning it will not clog your pores, but reading the different studies I believe there is a difference between lab, plant, and animal lipid created glycerin. Some prefer the animal glycerin as its more suitable to their skin type but majority of the glycerin in our market is from plants or lab. You can tell the difference of glycerin by how tacky it is. Animal glycerin is most tacky (sticky like tree sap) compared to the plant glycerin followed by lab created which only has a slight slip to it.
7. The density of glycerin (1.26g/cm^3) is lower than the density of our skin (1.1g/cm^3) which allows glycerin to penetrate deeper than a lot of other products. Whereas hyaluronic acid (varies but avg. 1.8g/cm^3) may look to be better way to go around but both have their benefits! Glycerin is better suitable when you want your skin or scalp to hold moisture on your skin. HA is suitable if you want to lock in the moisture. But what makes them very different is the molecular level. Glycerin has a smaller molecular level than HA, which in return allows the glycerin to saturate deeper in your dermis or hair strands whereas HA sits on the top 2 layers (about). So using HA on your skin can mean it can take longer to see the visual results on your skin. That said with either or, consistency is important to unlock all the benefits either product can offer.
8. Glycerin will hold onto the water keeping your face soft and smooth (like a newborn babies bum) for long periods of time. (On study showed if glycerin is not washed from the dermis or hair, glycerin can last upto 6 days on the area applied hydrating the top layer of skin. In this study the researchers had 3 groups, 1 controlled, 1 glycerin applied only(group1), 1 glycerin applied with misting water every 6 hours(group2) for 14 days. From control- the group had natural oil build up, group1 had dry almost chapped skin, group2 felt dry to touch, some shine-no oil, bounce on dermis.) It is not recommended to keep glycerin on for this long as glycerin can attract pollutants from settling into pores-it just sits on surface of skin.
9. Glycerin is beneficial to all skin types, most hair types, and help aid in various skin or scalp conditions (if you have a medical condition please consult a doctor or dermatologist.) Applying glycerin consistently, will boost collagen production making brighter, even skin from healing blemishes to hyperpigmentation, aiding in the prevention of acne bacteria spreading on your dermis (help with clearing back acne) aid in healing old acne marks, clearing and hydrating pores for the prevention of black or white heads, smooth skin texture and premature aging lines. Glycerin may act as a mild natural sunscreen by protecting the skin from the sun's rays and environmental pollutants, including smog. On large open pores, because of its density, glycerin can settle into pores reducing the visual size of them and help clear out any dirt or imperfections.
10. Glycerin is more suitable for those with dense or thicker hair and with more texture (curls.) Once again, glycerin pulls moisture from the hair shaft when no moisture is available in the atmosphere. For the scalp, glycerin can be a natural/soft treatment for dandruff or other scalp dryness. For your hair strands, mixing it with our ayurvedic hair masks or hair oil, you can condition any damaged hair strands, preventing further breakage (split ends), and adding strength to protect against harmful rays of the sun and hot tools.
11. Remember we discussed how glycerin is a humectant, emollient, and thickener? Well, this is what many of us expect from a makeup primer. I have used a glycerin primer for when I wanted a quick everyday makeup look or when I misplaced my holy grail benefit POREfessional primer. I used it in 2 ways, One was mixing a drop of glycerin into my moisturizer or my foundation. The other was my standard rose water and glycerin spray bottle. With the rose water I did notice I had to make sure the water and glycerin was well set into my face. I use a damp sponge to press any glycerin sitting on my face deep into my pores before applying foundation to avoid any separation or caking. (If you want an airbrush look; try this method then after dabbing your face with the sponge, apply a thin, even layer of finely milled translucent powder.) Why you may ask do this extra step of dabbing? Well using glycerin in a liquid format like the rose water is also an effective makeup remover! Crazy how it can work both ways.
12. If you pull out any micellar water you may have, the first 2 ingredients are water and glycerin followed by additives to act as mild surfactants and unwanted possible ingredients alcohol, fragrance, preservatives. Surfactant is a substance that will help the water and glycerin chemical properties mix when dissolved together. Sometimes when you let the micellar water sit you see a layer of liquid settle on top of another layer and you have to mix the two, right? The surfactant is the ingredient that leaves that oily feel on the face and I believe blends the glycerin chemical with the surfactant to create a less tacky formula. It will be different brand to brand based on how they source their glycerin and the ratios. That said, after my full beat, spraying a setting spray and all, I experimented to see how the rose wateglycerin will react with my full face of makeup if I just wanted to rehydrate my face with the same mixture. I spray till my face feels nicely hydrated, let that fully dry with help of a fan or my hands, then with a dry sponge, I lightly tap the glycerin back into my dermis and if needed, powder to set any makeup separation or fading.The only time I dealt with makeup reacting with the glycerin was when my makeup began pilling from mixing silicone and water based skincare products with foundation.
13. From my journey: I saw some posts of users using and not having benefactual results so I'd like to inform you how I personally started using glycerin and the changes on my own skin. I remember stumbling on a random Instagram account of Farah Dhukai from Farsali using glycerin back in 2016 and I decided to copy the recipe to lighten dark skin. After following her instructions and started to use her recipes very often, it was not long before I had all family reunions turn into skincare nights. I would make custom masks for my cousins and aunts based on their skin concerns and I would receive endless compliments and discussions on how my skin as a 15 year old teenager looked amazing. It was not long until I connected the dots and started researching extensively into glycerin.
14. At that time, I didn't even have access to these studies and research papers, many were released after 2016! I found another ayurvedic Instagram account (now deactivated) and found my first recipe for rose water and glycerin and we have been going strong ever since. I started off with about 1 cup of fresh/homemade rose water to 1 tablespoon of glycerin. I originally started using this as a toner. I suffer from acanthosis nigricans (thickedry/dark skin on back of neck, elbows, armpits, knees) I would drench a cotton pad and hold the serum onto my skin for 5 seconds before moving it. I would repeat this then go over the same parts on my skin in circular motions. After about 4-6 months I had reduced the appearance on my elbows and knees to about 90% (only small dryness patch was left) my neck still had the thickness of skin but the darkness had reduced significantly and started blending in with my natural skin. Armpits were about 40% lighter but after a year of consistent use I was very happy with my results. Now it is important to mention, skin care can only carry so much; during this time of using the toner I lost about 23 kgs which helped clear the inflammation causing the dark skin in the first place.
15. Along with this toner I only used a light moisturizer and face wash; no SPF, facial scrubs, or actives. My skin was very clear, bright, hyperpigmentation free. Then life hit me with a ton of bricks and depression set in. I gave up skincare and my skin was terrible. Pores, pigmentation, fungal acne and stubborn blackheads on forehead and chin, extremely flaky/irritated cheeks. At this point I had been using glycerin for over 3-4 years so I upped the ratio I mix about 1:4 ratio of glycerin to rosewater now and put it in a spray bottle. I would start by double cleanse my face, use vitamin C serum and drench my face with the glycerin water before bedtime daily (about 1-2 hours before) let it settle then use my fingers to give myself a soft facial massage and help the remaining dripping water settle into my skin or slide it down my neck and chest. Then before bedtime, I splash my face with just cool water and remove the glycerin sitting on top of my skin. Gently dry my face and apply my nightly moisturizer with retinol, let that settle then spray 4x of the glycerin water again, finish with some lip mask and go to sleep.
16. From researching and experimenting, this was best way to clear out my white/black heads. The glycerin made them soft and I did not have to include any active or harsh scrubs or facial tools to pick them out. I found mixing the vitamin C with the glycerin 2 hours before helped tremendously with my hyperpigmentation and left my face glowing and added a beautiful bounce! I now only use a soft facial scrub that was marked to be safe for daily use once a week only. In the mornings, I thoroughly wash your face with some cleanser and apply a light moisturizer and SPF. My skin has gotten significantly brighter and has the glass skin effect without using multiple actives and products. Reason I don't apply it the rosewater glycerin in morning is because we are having dry weather and my schedule is unpredictable to remember to spray a hydrating spray in between wear.
17. For my scalp psoriasis, I used the same toner product just in different ratios and it helped significantly. Only thing about glycerin and your scalp/hair strands is you do not want to dry it out. I only kept it on for about 30 minutes before I shower. I do have thin/pin-straight hair but my ends just felt so much healthier. One research entry mentioned how glycerin was very benefactural to animals with dense fur. So if you have textured(wavy/curly) or coarse(thick) hair definitely try glycerin out on yourself! Im sure it will help your curls be more defined and healthy! Glycerin helps strengthen the hair follicles and strands to prevent breakage, leading to the illusion of faster-longer growing hair. (I have to trim my hair about 3x a year. Each time I trim about 4 inches off. Sometimes I mix the glycerin and rose water in my hair oil concoctions. I feel this allows the oil to penetrate in even deeper. The oil doesn't sit on the stands but absorbs faster which I always struggled with. It leaves my hair so soft/supple, helps my brittle ends when I'm past due for a trim or from heat damage. In the case I add the glycerin into the oil and I wish to keep the oil on longer, I spray my hair with regular distilled water only to keep the moisture constant for the glycerin so it doesn't suck the water out of the strands.
18. Here are a couple ratios you can start to experiment with:

• Hair care: 1/4 cup distilled water, 1/2 cup rose water, and 2 tablespoons glycerin in a spray bottle
• Skin toner: 1:3 glycerin to rosewater in a sterilized bottle of your choice
• Skin mist: 1:6 glycerin to rosewater in a sterilized bottle of your choice

NOTES: If you believe glycerin and rosewater is not the combination for you, you can mix glycerin with aloe, powders/herbs, moisturizers, and more. Be sure to research the product you will be mixing with and always patch test to ensure a chemical change will not take negative effect on your skin. Reason why I mix with rosewater is because when mixing with other products, remember glycerin is also a thickener, so it can feel very heavy on the face. Whereas water dilutes it and feels comfortable to wear for all day or night.
NOTES: I know my oily and acne girls are always fighting for their life. If you try this and are struggling, keep adjusting the formula and trust the process. It may feel nothing is happening or too much is happening but if you can, stay consistent for 6 weeks before you call it quits.
NOTES: ( NSFW but IMPORTANT!) Please do not apply glycerin on or near your genitalia! Glycerin is a type of carbohydrate known as a sugar alcohol. The breakdown of glycerin with our natural bacteria will turn it into an irritant creating a risk of a yeast infection!

This is going to be a long post, so please bear with me. For starters, this is my second time applying to PA school--I was at a disadvantage last cycle, as I applied late July, almost early August. I was working towards my masters degree during that time, and had a bunch of in-progress courses that I need to retake. I wasn't the best student my sophomore year of college, and Organic Chemistry I was the death of me, had to retake it and passed on my third try. I have shadowed a surgical PA for a few months, but because of the pandemic, the hospital was not allowing any students to shadow anymore. I like the idea of PA's bridging the gaps in healthcare, as with everyone. Although lateral mobility and good work-life balance are enticing factors in being a PA, I don't see that as being true. It really is specialty-dependent, an ideally, I think is best to stick with one speciality and perfect your craft. I don't mind the level of autonomy that comes with being a PA, I feel that everybody can be a leader within their own scope of practice.
However, amidst this journey of applying to PA school, during college, and even high school, medical school and being a physician has been nagging in the back of my mind. I come from two loving parents who never pressured me to pursue a career in medicine, but something that will make me satisfied and have a good life. Being a physician means having the breadth of knowledge, thoroughly understanding the mechanism of actions in medication and diseases. Its better to know and comprehend the whole story and the why, instead of just knowing surface level information. I'd like to think being a research assistant is helping me in solidifying my decision to be a physician--I understand that its two completely different things, but I enjoy showing medical students and other graduate students how to dissect a mouse, I love teaching them the anatomy of the mouse, and what each part is special in, and how it pertains to the research that I do. I love being the leader, and I appreciate when my colleagues come to me for questions and ask for my perspective in different things. I enjoy being a leader, yet I enjoy working in a team. For reference, here are my stats, they are not the greatest, but I'd like to think my experiences showcases that:
-graduated college with a 2.943 gpa, had to retake most of my sophomore year's worth of classes, failed organic chemistry I and passed on my third try. with all retakes and masters, raised to 3.02. despite failing most of soph year, i made deans list numerous times.
-got my masters in biomedical sciences, got a 3.4 gpa
-last 60 credits, 3.66, last 45, 3.61
-1955 hours as a night shift float pct, certified in phlebotomy, ekg, and as a pct.
-1392 hours in biochem research, vitamin D regulation focused. abstract sent out, will be presenting in symposium in fall
-new job as mental health specialist on back up call center, about 60 hours since i just started position
-990 hours in social and affective neuroscience research, presented thesis to psych department
-volunteering: sunday school teacher for 2nd graders, habitat for humanity, health screener in grad school, volunteer in hospital in high risk pregnancy and geriatric wings, summer camp counselor in church, food bank.
-teaching experience: learning assistant for psych stats course, helped teach 37 juniors and seniors as a junior, about 42 hours bc during semester.
-hobbies: food festivals, legos, parrots, painting, cooking and baking.
I have not taken my MCAT, and I told myself that if I do not get far in PA school applications, I will start studying for the test come the fall. The masters program that I am apart of has a linkage with the medical school, so I will try to see what my options are when the time comes. All in all, both professions are excellent, but I don't want to spend the rest of my life wondering what could have been. Some honest advice and feedback would be helpful.

Having been vegan for over 10 years now, I, like many of you, have heard all of the arguments against veganism and plant-based diets. Some of these probably sound familiar: "You will be malnourished!", "Humans aren't meant to eat just plants, we can't get all of our vitamins and minerals from plants alone!"
I would roll my eyes at these arguments and continued on living a vegan lifestyle. I knew that, even if it WERE true that we evolved to eat animal products alongside plants, that didn't mean that now, as we have also evolved morally, technologically, and developed a greater conscientiousness to the environment, that we still had to eat animal products. I knew that it was possible to get all of the necessary vitamins and minerals from plants. I knew that I could be perfectly healthy and be vegan.
Over the last 10 years, that has been mostly true. I started eating plant based in college and have ever since. Did I watch my vitamin and mineral intake to ensure I was fulfilling my nutritional needs? Of course not! What college student, with an on-the-go lifestyle and penchant for junk food, alongside the brazen confidence of one's health in youth, is concerned about such things? Not I!
I have now come to reckon with this ignorance, when after 10 years I have started to take a vegan multivitamin. Let me tell you all, B12 matters. I knew it did, in a broad, yeah, I should try and make sure I get B12, way. But my deficiency fundamentally changed my personality.
I thought that my personality just...changed during college. Where I started university with a happy, more outgoing outlook, free from most anxieties and preoccupations, I ended university an anxious, paranoid woman who dealt with periods of severe depression and lack of energy and motivation. I thought, well, that's college! I'm an adult now, and being an adult just sucks. It crept up so slowly I didn't realize how much I had changed; until I took that multivitamin.
I feel like I have been living in a fog for 10 years. A fog where I constantly started petty arguments with my husband over my own paranoia, where I dealt with suicidal ideation almost every day, where I hated being around others. I had an extreme need for control, of anxiety over very small things, and a preoccupation with rewinding ancient embarrassments and conversations in my head over and over, growing more and more anxious. I felt like there was no out. Was this just how I was, how I had always been?
I took the multivitamin two weeks ago, and now take it every morning. The fog has lifted. It seriously cured my depression and anxiety. When I think about conversations or embarrassments now, I can hardly hold onto the memory before I brush it aside and move on, because I can't change the past by replaying it. I have more self-confidence, and the negative, spiraling self-talk has ceased. I feel more levelheaded, and I have regained trust in my husband that I lost due to this fog. He has also noticed a change in me, my energy levels, and my outlook.
There is NO SHAME in supplementing your diet. Do not feel like you are validating critics' opinions that veganism isn't sustainable just because you need a vitamin supplement. We cannot make the world a healthier place if we ourselves are not healthier first! Please share your own stories, and please do not take deficiencies lightly!
Additionally, while this was the root cause of my mental health struggles, I am not saying it is a cure-all. B12 deficiency can be *a* cause of anxiety, paranoia, insomnia, depression, weakness and fatigue, nerve pain, dementia symptoms, along with many, many MANY more psychological and physical issues. It is VERY IMPORTANT. Do not underestimate your own health!
Edit: My point on some people disliking the discussion of veganism being often deficient in vitamins has been proven, as the upvote rate on this post continues to drop. What's controversial here, except that folks should be aware that being vegan, or having a poor diet, you're more at risk for vitamin B12 deficiency? I feel people are reading the title, seeing something about B12 deficiency, and making a judgement. That right there is the problem, there should be no judgement in discussion of deficiencies in our diets!

For anyone who has been following, I've been sharing everything I've learned about living well with Chiari without surgery to this sub for the past few weeks. Here are links to previous posts:
Living Well With Chiari - Without Surgery
Take a Life Inventory
Reducing Triggers
The next step for me was Improving My Overall Health. Living well with Chiari starts with living well everywhere else.
Meditation:
If you’ve heard it once, you’ve heard it a thousand times. Meditation is good for you. It’s not a woo woo thing. It’s a creative thing.
My first real experience with meditation was with Dr. Joe Dispenza. His book You Are the Placebo was the catalyst that started me down another road--one that didn’t involve doctors who didn’t know what to do with me, and reliance on prescription medication.
The catalyst for major change in my life, and my introduction into healing myself.
If you haven’t heard of Dr. Dispenza but you’re at all interested in changing any facet of your life, health, personality, or habits, he’s worth Googling. The guided meditation that accompanied You Are the Placebo was intended to change something about my health by helping me create and connect with the version of health that I wanted to experience instead. Every time the mediation ended, I felt strong, empowered, and hopeful. And I don’t think it’s any coincidence that today I feel (almost) as good as the version I created in my own mind, long before I saw any physical change in my body.
We forget--especially when we are sick and in pain--that we have so much more power over our circumstances and our bodies than we realize. Dr. Dispenza seeks to remind us of who we are and what we are capable of, and show us how to actually change our minds to change our health.
You don’t have to get on board with Dispenza (though you can find his free meditations on Youtube). Admittedly, his work goes deep, and you might not be interested or ready to go there. Any meditation, even sitting for five minutes of quiet breathing is going to help calm your raging thoughts and the body that’s probably feeling too much.

Hydration:
Simple, right? Drink more water. Fluids in a well-hydrated body flow better, and let’s face it—for those of us with crowding at the back of our skulls, flow is vital. Flow is life.

Put Good Stuff In:
Fruits and vegetables
High quality vitamins/supplements—the best you can budget
Detox—naturally with food or with the help of a detox program. I have done Alejandro Junger’s Clean program a few times, and felt amazing afterwards. It’s an easy to follow program outlined in his book Clean. You don’t need to buy the food/supplements from him (I didn’t) but that used to be an option—not sure if it still is. I also use the supplement Clean Slate by Root.
Juice—and not the kind out of a bottle. Juice your own fruits and vegetables for a nutrient bomb to your cells. Check out the documentary Fat, Sick, and Nearly Dead if you want to see how beneficial fresh juice can be.
Smoothies—some would argue it’s better than juicing because with smoothies you keep the fiber. I like them because they are a great way to get nutrients into my body quickly.

Limit the Bad Stuff:
This should be a no-brainer, but it’s very easy to get caught up in habits and not as easy to change them.
Prior to the Chiari diagnosis, I smoked for a few years. I’m not proud of it, but there you have it. As soon as the Chiari pain started—which was triggered by coughing—it was easy to quit. I haven’t smoked a cigarette since.
Alcohol was a different story. I have a long, complicated history with alcohol. For part of this journey, red wine actually helped relieve the coughs, and that’s part of why I drank 1-3 glasses every night for years. I kicked that nightly alcohol habit in January 2024…long after it stopped being necessary to keep me from coughing. Now I’ve noticed that if I do partake in a few drinks, the Chiari wakes the fuck up with a roar. It honestly takes the fun out of a cocktail! I had to be several months out of that habit, though, to realize how much better I felt on a daily basis without it.

Essential Oils:
I know, I know, they aren’t for everyone. But they’ve helped me so much that I will post separately outlining how I use them with Chiari.
Enzymes:
I debated mentioning this because I know they won’t be available for everyone. Since they do play a significant role in my overall health, it wouldn’t be right not to talk about them.
The enzymes I’m referring to are made by Loomis, a company that specializes in enzymes for nearly every organ and system in the human body. The catch? You need to order them through Loomis practitioners. Until a few years ago, I happened to work for one. If you’re interested, you can search for a practitioner near you from the Loomis website.
These aren’t your average digestive enzymes (though the importance of a healthy gut cannot be overstated). Mostly I use certain formulas to help ward off that old familiar foe: the cold bug. Just as I never go a day without essential oils, I never miss a chance to take certain enzymes at the first sign of trouble. And like the oils, they’ve done exactly what I need them to do.

you are capable of more. and there is better for you than the way you probably feel if you found this post.

This is just the beginning. It’s true that nothing changes if nothing changes. And changes—even positive ones—can be hard, especially when living with Chiari can suck the life right out of you.
I feel better. Genuinely better. Most days I don’t experience any symptoms. It’s not magic, but I had to pull myself out of the dark and make some changes. If I can do it, so can you.

This topic is difficult to research online, given how little discussion there is around it, if any. Still, I believe it is possible to regenerate glans penis tissue, given that our bodies' cells are in a constant process of regeneration (death and birth) at a controlled rate. When it gets out control, it's called cancer but that's another topic; this needs to be a controlled, effective and safe kind of treatment. Glans regeneration (regrowth, tissue repair, however you wish to call it) may also be possible with some kind of stem cell therapy. If some kind of wound or burn happens on it, it obviously can heal to a considerable degree if you're healthy, so there must be a way to stimulate the procreation of new cells in this part of the body.
The reason why I'm asking is because, throughout the months, I washed my glans penis too frequently and too intensely in the shower due to my OCD. It was a grave and stupid mistake of mine that I really regret, and I'm looking for a solution. What happened: I ended up slightly deforming my glans penis, making it a bit flatter on top and slimmer on the sides, giving it a slightly conical shape, and reducing the protuberance of my urethra opening. This has made me feel like my sexual wellbeing has considerably decreased.
Furthermore, I have a couple of ideas in my mind to stimulate glans tissue regrowth or regeneration: Applying honey or olive oil, or both (going the natural, non-pharmaceutical route).

• "Everything to Know About the Health Benefits of Honey" This Healthline article mentions the healing properties of honey for wounds and burns, along with the following scientific citations:
  
• "Honey as a topical treatment for wounds"
  
• "Health Benefits of Manuka Honey as an Essential Constituent for Tissue Regeneration"
  

Furthermore:

• "11 Proven Benefits of Olive Oil": This article mentions it has large amounts of antioxidants, as well as vitamins E and K which may benefit. It also has anti-inflammatory properties.
  
• "Benefits of Olive Oil for Your Skin "
  

Also, of course, including plenty of protein in diet (like a carnivore diet or thorugh protein supplements) is important for tissue repair. And olive oil, or extra-virgin olive oil more specifically, has a downside which is the risk of yeast infection, as far as I'm concerned. So a way to properly sterilize olive oil for healing as a topical treatment, without having it lose its beneficial chemical properties, is needed. I guess there's also coconut oil but I don't know if it can be of any help, since I've heard it's used for other reasons... Including plenty of vitamin C in the diet can also help the body produce its own collagen, as far as I'm concerned, and collagen is necessary for tissue to be healthy, is it not?
So do you have any suggestions? Please help, thank you! If you're just going to comment something like "regeneration isn't possible" or "there's nothing you can do" then don't even bother doing so, since that kind of answer is unhelpful and arrogant (because science is in a constant process of evolution and discovery, and just because you think it isn't possible, doesn't mean it actually isn't).