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Memory Transcript Subject: Vili, Venlil Citizen
Date [standardized human time]: December 1st, 2136
The absent adults were due to arrive any time by now. I navigated the crowd of children who milled about the field, taking a head count to ensure everyone was in sight.
Those who had family attending the excursion were bubbling with excitement to see their relatives while a couple others trailed behind me, asking me yet more banal questions about venlil society and how it feels to have fur and a tail.
“I’ll let you in on a secret,” I had told April once. “It’s really, really… itchy. Have you ever had a bug crawling on you? Feels just like that. All the time.”
Chihiro didn’t approve as much of me saying that but Mercy seemed to enjoy the reaction I managed to get from the other kids. While I felt bad for exploiting the apparent human fear of insects, they were quick to forgive me, citing they “couldn't stay mad at a face like mine.”
Truthfully, I too began to enjoy seeing the children react to the things I'd tell them; the genuine nature in everything they did was more than I'd have expected from humans when I first arrived. Some of them would watch me with curiosity and wonder as we spoke, reminding me that this was a species who had only just been introduced onto the galactic stage and still had cause to gawk at the aliens.
Well, most of them.
Toward the edge of the gaggle of children was Lukas, moping away while trying to hide the black eye Amber had given him. A part of me was - flattered - disappointed that she'd risk herself to enact retaliation on my behalf, but I knew she wouldn't understand me were I to even tell her off about it.
Over the last few weeks, I'd gotten to know many of the children, though Lukas remained as distant as ever. In a way, I felt pity to see him so small even after witnessing the pleasure he got from putting others down and how infuriating I found his antics. He was full of anger and clearly had it misdirected at all non-humans for the actions of those who participated in the extermination fleet - at least he has reason.
I brushed at my ear to ward off the tingling sensation and let out an irritated growl. My hackles raised when I heard a sympathetic growl come from behind.
Turning about, I found that the source was Amber, also swiping at her ear in a mimicry of my action. I was far less bothered by her giddy snarl after having her do it every time she approached me, though it didn't make the itch at my back from almost jumping in fear go away.
“You do that a lot,” Amber giggled. “Is your ear itchy? Wait, don't answer that because I won't understand it.”
My ears whirled about and I tilted my head slightly to look directly at the strange little girl who'd been so eager to make friends with me from the very beginning. I'd accepted that, at least in her eyes, I was “Luka” and that I existed for her to talk to endlessly about her favorite hobbies despite her knowing she wouldn't understand anything I said in response.
Even then, I was still rather worried that I'd been so frequent with admonishing the more - sensible - pushy one that Amber had taken note. How many others could have noticed? I wasn't even sure how humans viewed me, but it wouldn't matter so much now that I was getting ready to return home to Luka.
I took a seat on the grass and found myself surrounded by a small following of kids that did the same. Amber, too, took a seat, but directly on my lap instead. I grunted as the surprisingly heavy child settled and I brought her head upon my scruff, allowing her to play with my paw.
“You only have three fingers and a thumb. That's pretty weird.”
“And you only have hair on the top of your head, that’s pretty weird too.”
“I’ll assume you were giving me a compliment…”
The other of the kids understood me and giggled at the back and forth as Amber raked a nail under my claws. While I was certain they were clean, Amber's scrutinizing stare felt as if I was being judged by my mother again.
“Your nails feel like a dog's. Maybe not as sharp.”
My translator interpreted that word as a “domesticated Terran predator” and I flicked my tail in indignation. I'd tried to shut out those who claimed I had traits akin to Earth fauna, though the accusations kept coming regardless.
From what I'd gathered, they believed my fur resembled that of a “sheep”, my tail and paws resembled a “cat”, and my ears were that of a “bunny”; now, I could add claws of a “dog” to that list. I had to keep reminding myself these humans didn't grow up knowing any other metric than that of the creatures from their home planet.
I knew the Terran Richard would return in the group that was due to arrive - Ma had made a point to inform me of such. The mention of the human's name spoiled my mood each time he was mentioned, and yet the Blackfox women continued to speak of him as though he was the most harmless thing.
I was not over the way he seemed to look down on my brother as an obedient servant, laying hands on him as though he were a dumb animal rather than a person. Luka had been the pillar that held me up since we were barely able to walk and talk, and it burned me up inside to see him crave the validation of predators when I knew he didn’t need it.
Amber, seemingly bored with one paw, grabbed the other as I let my arm remain limp. At first, I felt only the tickle as she played at the knuckles on this one as well, but there was a pause as she turned it over to face the palm outwards.
“Where'd you get this?”
I looked at my own palm and felt my heart skip a beat as Amber's claw pointed directly at the cut in my paw. I'd thought she had noticed it before, but the fact she'd call attention to it now when I was surrounded by the other children made a chill run up my back. I was still uncertain if bloodlust was a learned trait, and so being surrounded by juvenile predators at a moment like this did not sit well with me.
Trying to retract my paw, a lump raised in my throat as the human child’s grip hardened on my wrist. The other children watched with curiosity and neither of my assistants nor Martha were around to call for advice. I was to settle this on my own.
I asked with a shaky tone, “Amber?”
She rolled her head back until the tip of my snout brushed against her forehead. I got to look into the depths of her arboreal eyes, letting me see every red-blooded vein, every muscle twitch, every flash as they glistened in the red sun's light while the predator gave me her full, undivided attention. She even offered me her usual flash of the teeth. “Yeah?”
“Pah… Per… Pwers?”
I wiggled my arm in an attempt to indicate what I was asking to have released.
“Hold on, I'll let go in a sec.”
She understood me this time, but I sighed as she promptly ignored my request. She once again played with my claws, twisting them back and forth gently as she hummed to herself.
“Looks like it was made by your claws,” she concluded while continuing to toy with them. “This is why my momma always had us trim Butterscotch's claws, because she kept scratching me up when we played.”
The name once again tripped up my translator, describing it as a candy made from melted sugar and congealed milk fat. I tried to suppress the bile that built in my throat as I considered that worse than the item's description was the fact that she'd named an animal which had a reputation for scratching her after it.
Please, please don't throw away everything we'd built in this one moment.
“I miss Butterscotch,” she muttered. “But now I have new friends! Alien-friends!”
She rolled her head back again and looked back up at me.
“Like you! We're friends, right Luka?”
Her eyes shone with bright innocence and juvenile glee, making my fears melt away.
“Ie-e… I’ezz, frn'dz,” I confirmed. Apparently, my vocals didn't lend themselves to speaking Amber's tongue any better than hers did mine. Every word I spoke felt as though I needed to clear my throat after.
“Cool!”
With that conclusion, the dark-haired girl snapped back to my arm and pressed her lips to the back of my paw. I went slack as she did so and it felt as though all of my muscles had lost their function at once as I sat motionless and silent. I could see and hear the world around me and yet it didn't register that anything existed.
I felt her face lift from my flesh and Amber proclaimed proudly, “Momma did that every time I got bruised up and told me it helped with healing! So maybe you'll get better too!”
“Ah-hah,” was the only response I could manage, made on impulse as the rest of my brain felt a million light years away.
“Alright, everyone,” a voice called from behind us. “They're here, so clear out so they have somewhere to park!”
There was a commotion as the children all scrambled to their feet, including Amber, and they rushed with zealous squeals back toward the body of the camp. But not me.
My jaw remained slack as I stared at the back of my paw, focusing on the wet spot imprinted in my fur. It was a bite of sorts, described exactly as Tac had told me, and yet not a mark was left on my flesh save for the tingling of nerves as I seized up.
My back hit the grass and I let my tail curl around my leg as I held my paw to the sky. “Wuh…”
Something approached and kicked up the grass as I laid still and glared at my decidedly unharmed paw. My eyes traveled up to find Mercy standing over me with the corners of her mouth turned downwards.
“You good?”
“Why did you bite Tac?”
“Lord help us all,” she mumbled while rolling her eyes. “C'mon, let's get you outta here before you’re turned into ven-paté under some truck.”
“Uh huh.”
The elder teen’s grip helped me to my feet as I regained faculties, though I still felt weak. “It was a legitimate question, though,” I told her.
“It's just a sign of affection, I guess. I never really considered it so much before, y’know? It's not like you really think about why everything is when it's so normal, right?”
Speak for yourself, I wanted to tell her, though I held my tongue.
As I took a seat, the thrumming of engines could be heard coming from over the brow of the hill. Apparating as though it were a giant, segmented insect were the adult humans in their ramshackle vehicles, rattling down the hill with each occupied by at least five or six bodies in each of the dozen autos.
The children and elders alike rushed to greet their family as they parked and disembarked from the chain of gas guzzlers. Parents lifted their children in the air and hugged them while the elders chatted with them. But among the troupe of humans that had arrived, I knew something felt off.
“They’re one vehicle short,” I noted to Mercy.
“Hm?”
“I counted them when they left. They’re one short.”
Her piercing gaze scanned the fleet herself before she nodded. “Mike’s missing.”
Michael was the driver that Richard had departed with and so that helped explain the deadpan Terran’s absence. Luka and Hileen both recounted the same human by name when talking of their experiences with them, with both drawing the conclusion that he had to be the worst driver on Venlil Prime.
“Psst,” came a voice hissing from behind. “Mercy.”
Mercy turned to give attention to Tac as he sulked away from the crowd as usual, though I remained with my back turned to him while watching the humans interact.
The tip of my tail tickled at the grass watching children get smothered in affection by their parents, and they in turn received hugs from their elders as others chattered. I itched at the back of my palm where Amber's mouth had been as Johnny's parents each planted a similar bite on his cheek and forehead. Chihiro carried her brother on her shoulders as she chatted with her own parents with brimming snarls.
“Looks like Mike had a bit too much fun and ran his truck off the road,” Mercy told me as she came back from talking with Tac. “They're on their way.”
“I can do without seeing Crow.”
“Yeah, well, I could do with a place to practice rock climbing, but we can't always get what we want.”
“You humans really are strange for wanting to climb stuff.”
“It's in our nature, no matter how deeply buried.”
She playfully bumped me on the shoulder and I returned with a gentle lashing of my tail against her ankle to which she welcomed with hissing laughter. The teenager wandered off in the direction of her family's tent.
The crowd that had gathered to greet the returning humans was slowly beginning to disperse as the vehicles were unloaded of a variety of equipment. I was relieved to find that there were no signs of blood or death to be seen, assuaging the deep-seated worry that I had of the humans being on the hunt. As little trust as I had for Crow, there'd be no redeeming one so sordid as himself were he to be everything he was as well as a murderer.
I looked forward to seeing Luka again, even if the only thing he had to tell me was stories of his human coworkers. Perhaps now I had stories of my own experiences with humans to tell him and maybe I'd get to see that glimmer in his eye once again that had so long ago been tarnished.
Amber's delighted shrieks were heard over the commotion and I could spot her being held in the air above her father's head as her toothy snarl became somehow wider. Her legs kicked while she wriggled in the hefty human’s embrace and turned attention to her mother as she was lowered into her grasp.
Even here amongst predators, thoughts of home still hounded me. The closest I could recall mom or dad ever coming to that was when they brought me along to one of their outings for dinner where I was allowed to pick the venue. I was still not permitted to talk to other people even then, but I didn't mind at the time.
The gurgle of another gas-powered engine roared over the brow of the hill, prompting a few others and I to turn our attention upwards.
Breaching the horizon came the last truck, though I was curious to note that it appeared to be driving backwards. Tilting my head didn't give me any more of a vantage to figure out why the truck backed up down the hill, nor did it help decipher the mindless chanting that ramped up as the vehicle closed the distance.
“John Wayne's teeth, hey-a
John Wayne's teeth, hey-a
Are they plastic, are they steel-a”
A claw tapping me on the shoulder spooked me, though I had grown to suppress the instinct to jump and make a fuss. “Momma would like to talk before we send you off,” Mercy told me. “She's in our tent.”
I obeyed the summons, almost forgetting how to navigate the maze of rickety shacks and tents to find the Blackfoxes’ residence. It was a simple task, though, once I remembered that the elder sibling had given it a “groovy” paint job.
Approaching the government-issued yurt that had been painted with vivid flowers, I found it odd for it to not have a horde of humans gathered around. They'd typically mill about Martha's tent while she spoke with each of them about their concerns, though what became of their talks was beyond my knowledge.
I ducked inside without notifying Martha, finding her seated at the squat table that was situated in the middle of the tent. The matriarch turned her eyes up to face me and she happily set her insulated cup down.
“There's not really any room for more chairs,” she told me. “But feel free to take a seat anywhere.”
My ears gently brushed against the top of the tent before I sat down just to the right of where she rested. In this claustrophobic environment, I'd have assumed I was being lured into a trap before. At the very least, I still kept my ears on a swivel for signs of trouble, but now confidence outweighed caution.
We sat for a moment without saying anything as Ma adjusted her seat to look at me directly, leaning an elbow against the table as she reclined.
She asked, “Enjoy your stay?”
I scratched the scruff on my neck as I wondered that myself.
“No. Not at first.”
“But now you can say you did?”
“Everything here is a new experience. For me, and possibly every other person who'd have grown up under the Federation.”
“You pulled through, despite being surrounded by predators. That's more than can be said for the lady who stabbed a guy in panic on the first day of the Exchange Program.”
My ear waggled in entertainment to think someone had set the bar so low. What fool would brazenly assault a predator to begin with?
“There were a few times where I thought I'd need to run for the hills,” I explained. “The children you raise are an unadulterated look into what life was like back on Earth, if nothing else.”
Martha chuckled and covered her snarl with a palm as she spoke, “I will choose to believe that's a compliment, given your opinion on us before.”
“I'd say it's a stellar review in the face of almost drowning while under your employment.”
Her face fell a bit and she rubbed the back of her neck while averting her eyes. “Yeah…”
“That is to say!” I blurted out hastily. “Th-that everything else has made it worth my time.”
My desperation to clarify myself felt embarrassing and my ears turned warm as they went flush. Martha sat still for a moment before she spoke again.
“When Richard hired you, he told me you wanted to up your price. 1200 credits?”
“It's a big ask in hindsight, I know. I didn't realize how tight your budget was at the time and I'm grateful that you've offered me—”
She waved a hand with a shushing hiss.
“We don't need to worry so much about that now. Where I was going with that was, that you agreed to our terms yourself, and accepted with only a reasonable upcharge. No other local would've been so quick to take on this job for even quadruple the price!”
“Brashness is a quality of mine I'm becoming more familiar with,” I joked.
“Must be something in the water. But payment is why I summoned you here, actually. We have only a few members who were on board with having an ‘alien’ presiding over the children, and fewer still who contributed any funds.”
“So what you're offering is out of the pocket of only a couple of contributors. I see.”
“I hope it doesn't lessen your opinion of us to tell you that.”
I scratched my snout and exhaled, shaking free the impulse to inquire any further with a flick of my ear.
“So I suppose all there is left to do is arrange payment, and I'll be on my way?”
“It would seem so.”
Heavy footsteps shuffled across the grass outside though conversation from the crowd remained distant. They stopped right outside of the entrance and the canvas foyer rattled as knuckles rapped against the cloth.
“Martha, it's me,” growled a familiar voice. “Everyone decent?”
“You’re clear, come on in.”
The flap shot open and my paw balled into a fist as Richard froze upon spotting me. The predator’s blank gaze didn’t hide their confusion when I could clearly spot their eyes flicking between Martha and I.
“Sorry, am I interrupting something?” Crow asked.
“We were just finishing up,” I responded, making no effort to hide my contempt for the interloper's presence.
Martha waved a hand to one of the chairs. “Have a seat, and I'll be right with you.”
Richard seemed almost deflated as he sulked over to the table. I resisted the opportunity to trip him with my tail in front of Martha to humiliate him, instead glowering at him as he afforded me a quick glance. I turned my attention back to the leader figure that was present while he took a seat.
“So 1100 credits was the agreed upon price, yes?”
“It was, though if there's anything else you desire outside the monetary value, you need only ask. We can't offer much, but I'm sure I have the ear of someone who can.”
“Hopefully you don't mean that literally,” I jested, putting on a facade of worry.
I could spot Crow watching Martha chuckle at my quip. His miserable expression was almost unreadable, save for the furrowing of the pelts on his brow.
Let him watch me charm his kind as easily as he thinks he can mine.
I raised my tail behind my head while I leaned against the table and curled the end loosely to convey appreciation. It was a sign that was rarely used outside of close bonding - that is to say, it'd been a while since I had been able to use it.
Recognition didn't light up in Martha's expression but I was content with projecting affection in any way I could. Understanding wasn't as important as the gesture itself.
“So might I at least know the names of those who did contribute? I'd like to express my thanks to them.”
Richard was the one who responded, “I wouldn't ask questions I wouldn't want the answers—”
“What he means,” Martha interjected. “Is that most contributors wouldn't like being mentioned by name. Aliens are still a polarizing subject and can crop up arguments that others may be obligated to avoid.”
My ears and tail sagged a bit. “Did my presence bring up that much of a problem?”
“More like it's one of a million other things these people can't agree about. But of those who I think would enjoy a bit of gratitude, you may already know some of them.”
“Oh? Tell me!”
I made eye contact with Crow who remained quiet as he cradled his chin in his palm against the table. His bored demeanor irked me in ways I couldn't describe.
“The Ito family, of whom you're already familiar with their daughter Chihiro, were the first to pledge. They're good folk and will happily accept your thanks. Next was myself, though I didn't give much. One of our cooks, Raksh, also contributed a bit, though that may have been more out of courtesy than anything else. And lastly…”
She lazily extended a claw toward Richard.
“... is Mister Crow here, your biggest donor who paid damn near half of your wage!”
Slowly, I felt myself deflate as enthusiasm made way for disappointment. I gritted my teeth to keep any brash words from escaping my lips.
“Closer to a third, actually,” he corrected her. “And with me already having the contact details of your brother, that means I can help set up the rest of the transaction.”
Even when I think I'm winning, he finds a way to one-up me.
“Would you mind giving us a moment, Vili? I think Mister Crow came here to say something and I’d hate to keep you from saying your goodbyes.”
Obliging her request, Martha and Richard waited patiently as I shuffled out of the tent. I hadn't realized how tightly my paw was clenched before reaching the outside where I felt my joints creak with relief as the fist unballed.
In the short time I'd been away, I secretly began to crave interaction from any of the humans I'd become acquainted with. My mind drifted to the slop that Big Joe always served, and how he always laughed every time I tried to inquire as to his full name. It wasn't quite dinner time, though, and so I then considered if any of the kids were still roaming about for me to tell stories to.
Whispers came from the tent before I could set a destination and my ears immediately perked up. I'd found that the humans’ ears were not nearly as effective as mine and so I found it easy to go unnoticed around them. I assumed they thought I was out of earshot by now.
I crouched on one knee and raised an ear to listen, though it was garbled hisses from this far. Curiosity got the better of me and I shuffled on my knees toward the tent, hiding in the shadow cast by an adjacent tent to mask my presence.
“... playing games with the lives of children,” came the low growl of Crow.
“Miss Ito and my own daughter are both very capable of defending themselves and the children from a venlil, Richard. You need to have faith that things can turn out alright.”
“Faith! She wanted to—”
There was a pause before I heard heavy stomping through the canvas. The mesh flaps that acted as windows were quickly torn shut one by one. I feared Crow would spot me, but he seemed too focused on hiding whatever it was he was talking about.
“She told me that she would've used my brains to add character development to a fucking snowglobe. Faith wouldn't have saved me if she carried through.”
“The fact that she informed you of her plot should be some small comfort that there's a piece of her that trusts you.”
“We don't know how many pieces there are! Should we wait for her to try to gore me on the street a second time? Perhaps you’ll get some insight if she sticks a claw through my eye?”
“I'd never let it come to that. I do wonder why it is that you're so worried about her. Did you not tell me you knew someone in her position?”
I heard a huff leave Richard before he spoke, “That was while she was getting help from professionals! What, do you hope to get her the therapy she needs from some squalid nowhere shantytown when we're eating out of the aliens’ trough ourselves?”
“It's a preferable alternative to leaving her at the mercy of the Federation's methods of ‘healing’. At least this way, she's getting help that matters.”
By this point, their voices had lowered into hissing whispers that even I strained to hear.
“I expect that you'll be more open with the others about your motives in the future, Martha. Maybe I have no rock to stand on when I say this, but your actions could very well draw the UN's eye, and the last thing I want is to have the Blues down here.”
“Is it related to your incarceration? Perhaps you were on parole before the bombing and fear the UN will be after you?”
I listened to rustling coming from my left and the conversation grew quiet. I turned to see Tac trotting along, surprisingly unaccompanied by Mercy as he shoveled a bowl of stew into his maw. He stopped mid-bite to look at me hunched over next to the Blackfoxes’ tent and narrowed his eyes in suspicion.
Shove off, I signaled to him. Come back later.
Weird, he replied before trotting off without fuss, thankfully.
There was something of a release from within the tent as I heard Crow and Blackfox alike exhale.
“I assure you, Richard,” Martha started again. “Whatever fears you have, you're protected by venlil laws of asylum as well as having the backing of myself-”
“We can do therapy later,” Crow butted in. “I'll take Vili home. I hope you're prepared to explain to your son that this mission we've embarked on wasn't the quest for glory he thought it'd be.”
“I've tried my best to tamp his expectations down, but I was hoping that Kanek would be open to publishing our actions. The bus that is taking the ones you rescued into town should be arriving shortly, and Kanek will be here soon after she's shushed them.”
I scampered off when I heard Crow trudge out of the tent, using my paws to crawl as quietly as I could manage out of sight. Blowing dirt off of the scab on my punctured paw, I walked off to find people I wanted to say goodbye to.

Most of the kids were already spending time with their families, but the few who still milled about and played were happy to give one last goodbye. Riley broke down in tears while we embraced and I now had a stain on the fur of my belly where her tears had soaked through.
I tried shifting by a group of the adults that were celebrating their return around a campfire. The looks I got as I did so were unnerving now that I understood the discourse that my presence had caused.
Approaching Crow, I pretended I didn’t know why he was slinking between groups and milling wanderers with a leering eye. He turned about to the sounds of my paws shuffling across the grass and threw his head backwards in a lazy greeting similar to how Mercy would.
“Are you ready to head back home?”
“I'm sure Luka has held the place down on his own… but yes.”
“Good, I'll bring the truck around for you and we'll be on our way.”
“Richa-a-a-a-ard!”
My ears perked up and I snapped my head about to meet the approaching Amber with her arms outstretched. Her voice bounced with each step as she rushed toward the towering Terran. Crow let out a grunt as she forced her arms around his waist and jumped about with glee.
“Mama said you were a party pooper! You told me you'd stay cool!”
“Aw, I'm sure you can forgive me for keeping to myself, Amber. Did you enjoy your time alone?”
Amber turned the corners of her mouth down in a pouty expression. “No, I didn't have anyone to help me with my homework!”
Richard patted the young girl on the back and began trying to pry her arms from him.
“I'm sure you managed just fine, you're smarter than the average second grader. And how did Vili treat you?”
I folded my ears back when Crow's eyes turned back to me.
“Vili? That's Luka!”
Amber finally unlatched herself from Crow and rushed over to my side, jabbing a claw toward me.
“See? The ear is the same color! And she knows when I say her name! Mercy told me venlil don't have boobies like human girls do but she's a girl! You were wrong!”
A couple of the voices closest to us erupted in the familiar, grating laughter that accompanied humans everywhere. I tilted my head while trying to grasp what it was Amber said that had earned such a response. Human and venlil physiology was different for sure, but I'd never considered it so entertaining.
Perhaps it's some in-joke that I'm not knowledgeable on, I thought, humans seem to like those.
Crow lowered his eyes to the ground and pursed his lips before squatting down and beckoning Amber toward him. She obeyed and the taller Terran cupped a hand over her ear, whispering quietly.
Amber's eyes lit up as Crow continued and her mouth hung agape. “Lu- ah, er…you're a twin?!”
In a rush, Amber grasped the fur around my ribs and began shaking me back and forth. “You were hiding it from me-e-e!”
Given this small child was still two-thirds my weight, I wobbled like a sapling in the wind as I tried to grab for the scolding child's wrists.
“Please. Stop. Gonna hurl.”
The little girl groaned and buried her face in my stomach. “You must think I'm pretty stupid too, huh?”
Mustering as much of my understanding of English, I belched out, “No.”
Amber buried her face deeper into my pelt while exhaling.
“l'ou… no donb.”
She raised her head to look me head-on, something which I couldn't return in full for the placement of my eyes.
“I'ou's… Zm’rd. Kappy. Ngai'z.”
“You stink at English,” Amber giggled while shooting me one last face-splitting snarl. I mashed her cheeks between my paws and she relented her grasp.
“I neeb go, fr'nd! O’gee?”
“Okay! I promise I'll try to know how to say ‘hi’ next time! And more.”
Richard butted in, “I'm sure she'll hold you to that promise, but I think it's time we got going.”
As soon as he had suggested as much, I caught sight of a human who was only covered in pelts from the waist down stagger into view. The glassy eyed stare and uncoordinated movement were all too familiar to me even without knowing where they were before.
They growled, “Fucks the alien still doing here?”
“Just about to get going, Paul,” Richard shot back. “Don't concern yourself with her.”
“It has been here long enough! Move along, little lambchop!”
“Man, lay off,” another human intervened. “She's as welcome here as any other guest.”
“Nah, Paul has a point. How do we know she ain't some Baby Burner spy or some shit? Get the xeno outta here!”
The humans quickly began bickering amongst themselves and I felt the firm grasp of Crow on my shoulder tug me away from the commotion. Amber trailed behind, watching the debates unfold behind us while we made our way along.
Crow opened the door in a raggedy truck in even worse condition than the others, standing aside for me to enter. While I didn't want to test the predator's patience in light of the tension behind us, I whirled about to give Amber one last goodbye hug. Her grasp around my neck was like iron though the wet streams on her face were all I needed to know that I should let her have this.
“You're gonna come back, right? You and your brother are gonna come and say hi?”
I saw no point in trying to cobble together an articulate sentence in her own language that'd fall flat as soon as I spoke. I considered my words carefully while I clasped her hands in my paws.
“I want to, but I have class that I need to catch up with, as well as I'm in need of a stable job once I'm through with this one. I don't know when I'll be back, but I want you to know that you've made this the best two weeks I've had in a long time, Amber. I don't know how much of my language you understand, but your enthusiasm has surpassed all barriers.”
She stared back up at me with her lips locked in an “oh” pose before turning to Richard who still watched with a lazy gaze.
“She said ‘maybe’.”
That seemed to suffice for Amber as she broke free and ran off squealing with her arms in the air as she always did when she was excited. I'd gotten used to the ear-splitting shrieks of the kids, and my ears didn't even fold back on reflex anymore.
“That's not what I said,” I grumbled to Crow.
He clicked his tongue as he held the door open for me. “Less is more. She's a kid, so she may not fully grasp your struggles anyway.”
With a huff, I crawled into the truck and kicked my feet up onto the dashboard while Crow ducked in behind the wheel. He twisted the key and the vehicle gurgled to life.
Strangely enough, I found that instead of the truck lurching forward, Crow put the vehicle into reverse, using the mirror to navigate up the hill. The truck seemed to make sure we felt every rock and bump that it struck, and I eventually decided to straighten out my posture so that I didn't get folded in half by a particularly bad bump.
Richard seemed unfazed by the sickness-inducing commotion, guiding the truck up the hill with a steady gaze. Stopping at the top, he whipped out his holopad and tapped away while quietly mumbling to himself.
“... hundred-fifty year-old country shit, sure why not.”
He tapped once more and the truck's audio system whirred with the melodic twang of a stringed instrument accompanied by simple percussion. A human's strange croon came over the speaker in a curious tune.
“You held me up, held me down
Made me crazy, then turned me around…”
Richard twisted the knob to bring the volume down to a more agreeable level and I caught a glimpse down at the camp. A group of humans were now gathered where I'd been talking with Amber just moments before.
Now, I could spot the human Paul bumping chests with a human much larger than he, noses almost touching in a clear display of aggression as they howled at each other. Humans pointed claws at one another and argued while yet more flocked to the scene of the commotion. Whether their motives were to disperse or exacerbate was yet to be seen.
“You were my shelter and my storm
Made me cold, then you made me warm…”
Crow finally put the truck in gear and we rolled backwards yet again, leaving the only sight before me the peaks of the Belimal retreating beneath the grassy brow.
As I let the truck shuttle me back to my brother, I yearned for the comfort of my own bed and blankets, for the soft hum of my own air conditioning unit, and for the obnoxious snoring and sleep-talking of my own flesh and blood.
From here, one might even be able to see the highest of the foothills from which my roots would lay betwixt, a reminder that the pangs of home weren't just knots in my stomach. Luka and I had a long way to go to get away from home, and even longer to be rid of it.
“One step forward and two steps back, nobody gets too far like that
One step forward and two steps back, this kind of dance can never last.”
[ First / Previous ]

I was diagnosed with sebopsoraisis by my dermatologist along with psoriasis on one spot on my chest. She suggested I get on Skyrizi but I have anxiety having to be on a medication for the rest of my life (or if choose to discontinue my symptoms slowly come back). I am working with my insurance to see if it’ll be covered but I am not sure Skyrizi will even work for my scalp since it’s not psoriasis and getting on a medication injection once a month for the one spot on my chest feels kind of crazy. Any thoughts or advice?
Secondly, another dermatologist diagnosed me with eczema and put me on dupixent for months until I decided to switch doctors and being on dupixent was horrible (painful joints, body aches, no outcome after 6 months) so maybe I’m apprehensive now.
I have other skin conditions (hypopigmentation and itchiness) which even after several biopsies wasn’t diagnosed so I doubt it’ll help with that.

My poor sweet daughter has had it rough the last couple years, with random outbreaks of hives, asthma, you name it. The last case of hives she was classified as having a mild anaphylactic reaction to something (still unsure what) and I’m trying to come to terms with the fact that we may never know. She gets bad seasonal allergies and has been environmental allergy tested and reacted to a tree and rabbits. She also has asthma and often will have an exacerbation when she is sick or her allergies are bad. We’ve had a couple instances of her eating something, and 30 ish mins later complaining of a tummy ache, and joint pain. The last time resulting in a large amount of vomit, hives and chest tightness.
Her new allergist (and her old one) are not compelled to food allergy test at this point. This past week she ate some scrambled eggs, started to feel itchy about 20 mins later, so I gave her Benadryl and hives resolved. The next day she woke up with this rash, on her face, her back, chest, tummy, and some on her legs. It persisted for 3 ish days and she was really itchy. Her allergist had me giving her 10mg of Zyrtec twice daily without much relief. By the second day in she was complaining of joint pain in her legs and was limping. Her allergist wanted to see her and admitted she wasn’t entirely sure what was going on but thought it sounded like a possible serum sickness like reaction. She wanted to do more research and get back to us with a plan.
She came back and said she believes it’s recurrent episodic hives, but wants to rule serum sickness and urticaria vasculitis with some blood work. After looking into that it does sound like she fits that picture pretty well. If anyone her has that and feels comfortable sharing I’d love to know your experience and what to expect! I’ll attach a photo of her back for reference.

21m had vats pleurodesis 2 weeks ago I was prescribed a painkiller that contains codeine (Paracetamol 500 Mg + Codeine 8 Mg + Caffeine 30) I’ve never used it before but two days ago I took 2 tablets. And today when I woke up I had a mosquito like bites on my both rt and left thighs then eventually it spread to most of my body especially areas near joints. My hands are swollen I can barely bend my fingers. My knees are swollen I can’t walk without feeling the pressure and the pain. It’s not that itchy it’s swollen and hot and painful when applying pressure. I thought it was just a mosquito that got stuck with me and bed and was biting me every where until my eyes got a little bit swollen then I realized it’s an allergic reaction. I was recovering from my surgery home and didn’t go anywhere or ate something new that I don’t usually eat, the only thing new that I consumed was codeine and it was only 16mg. Is this enough to cause an allergic reaction? When does the symptoms go away because I have a final exams next week.

I went to bed healthy one night, then woke up with a rash on the back of my neck, and swollen knees, elbows, and hands. Within 48 hours, the rash spread pretty much everywhere but my torso (arms, behind ears, eyes, legs, etc), and the swelling spread everywhere (feet, ankles, knees, hips, wrists, knuckles, lips). My feet were so swollen they were purple and I could barely walk from my bed to the couch. I could not close my fist, any kind of pressure hurt so bad. The rash turned into large hives eventually that were incredibly itchy. I took ibuprofen, Tylenol, and Benadryl but nothing helped.
Luckily, I was put on a 40mg prednisone taper that worked like magic! I am finishing the taper soon and am nervous because the doctors have no clue what caused this so I'm not sure if it will be coming back / how to prevent this.
Does this sudden onset sound familiar to anyone else?
(My ANA came back negative. My rheumatoid factor was normal. I tested negative for all tick-borne illnesses. I have still had some odd aches and pain despite the prednisone that present as a deep throbbing ache in my joints like my hips, knuckles, knees, etc.)

Basically whenever I get mildly stressed I experience awful pain in my joints and become severely fatigued/confused all day. I also start having skin issues.
My first doctor wasn’t very concerned about it. The one I went to for a 2nd opinion ran tests for autoimmune issues cause I had a slightly abnormal test come back and a butterfly rash with skin issues but I was clear for a ton of autoimmune diseases. I took 6 months off work because my issues were so bad, though, and they seemed to resolve themselves with time off doing absolutely nothing (barely even stood up in my own home I was so exhausted).
My therapist kindly suggested it might be psychosomatic, and I’m starting to think that too. I went to physical therapy for 3 months so far and all it did was get worse some days or I saw practically no improvement. Benadryl and Claritin does help my skin though, as I get severely itchy before I try and sleep but its not connected to the sheets, detergent, time at which I shower, things I eat, night routine, etc, I’ve already tested all that.
If it is psychosomatic how do they even treat it?

So finally have decided after years of gi issues that went into remission and have resurfaced after about 2 1/2 years to go to my GP for coeliac testing. I have explained my symptoms over and over again to other doctors in the past and been fobbed off with antibiotics and meditation that have done nothing. Also been told to stop being stressed 😥😫 by doctors ive seen for other things as I'm Anemic (iron) & my CRP/ inflammation levels keep coming back elevated.
Every time I just take a bite of wheat products, I get; stabbing stomach pains, excess wind, bloating so bad I look like I'm 4-5 months pregnant (according to several relatives/ friends), crying and or screaming from sleep or in the day (used to get this as a kid), lethargic (feels like I'm being weighed down/ panda like dark eye circles/etc) and fatigue (I've fallen asleep at uni lectures/ seminars/ workshops, on café or pub tables when out with friend's, on steps/ pavement near my university building several times, etc), loss of appetite but so so hungry but I can't eat, nausea/ vomiting, constipation & diarrhea in one day, balance issues, itchy skin rash on my wrist that isn't healing & first noticed it appeared in March 2024 after I ate/ touched some bread which sounds so crazy, joint pain/ stiffness exacerbated. Oh and the brain fog/ memory issues have been absolutely bad than usual ( I have Autism&ADHD)-> leaving bathroom doors unlocked (gave my housemate a shock this morning when on the toilet), leaving ovens on when leaving for uni, etc.
One of my best friends at uni who happens to be coeliac noticed I was really struggling last summer but said until I'm tested to keep eating the stuff however they have been so supportive and think I either have coeliac or smthg else. They've become one of my rocks. My mum is also very worried about me.
I'm very nervous around doctors, been in & out of them since I was born due to so many chronic health issues I have as well as being autistic/ ADHD, so I'm not sure what I will tell the doctor to ask them for testing or for them to believe me but I'm going to try my best and keep pushing. I'm 23 atm and it's affecting my sleep & daily routine. I don't expect medical advice as you're not medical professionals. Generic advice or a relating anecdote, would be good to hear x.
Edit - I also don't have an appendix as they removed that when I was 12 in 2013 due to inflammation/ perforation in an emergency surgery. I'm not sure if thats helpful info or not but yh. Regarding my anemia & meds for that, my first round didn't work & currently on 2nd round. I did have a folate (B9) deficiency as well but last test in January came back as almost normal so gp stopped my treatment (folic acid) for that. If ppl are interested about my anemia test results, I can post them but I was told they're 'normal' however I feel like absolute shite so I don't think the pills I'm taking are even working thAt well on the side of the GI symptoms I've been getting.

Hi all! I’m a newbie to the world of thyroid issues. I’ve been reading a lot of posts to get more of an understanding - but I’m really hoping to share my journey to see if anyone else has been in a similar boat (excuse the essay)
I got covid in November last year for the second time. Everything was fine, then at the very end of the week of it I got a feeling of pressure in my chest that lasted for 24 hours. I had an ecg done and cardiac markers tested and nothing.
This feeling would come and go. At the time I had my thyroid tested after a previous high TSH over 1.5 years prior - but it came back normal.
The last 6 months has been a series of blood tests & questioning whether I just have anxiety. I got tested for celiac which one marker came back slightly positive, had an endoscopy - it was negative. The dr told me my results could be from inflammation in my body but didn’t bother to keep insisting on finding where it’s coming from.
Fast forward to the last few weeks I’ve since seen a new dr who’s amazing. And found some new interesting results: • TSH: 12.6 (3x the range) • TPO antibodies: positive - came back as 84 • ANA serology: 1:640 Titre (was 1:320 a few months ago but has increased). • moderately suspicious nodule on my thyroid - just had an FNA doctor explained it was calcified.
Now I’m going to a rheumatologist in 5 weeks to figure out whether I have an autoimmune disease causing my autoimmune thyroiditis, and also trying to determine whether it’s just hashimotos.
These are my current symptoms - •dull ache in my left side under rib cage when I lie down at night • increased acne •hair thinning around hairline and dry hair • chest pain on left side almost under armpit on side of chest. • fatigue - can sleep 8 hours and feel unrested/struggling to open my eyes in the morning. • joint aches and body aches especially when I’m inactive all day. • frequent brain fog • previous insomnia - now better thanks to magnesium • itchy dry skin • intensified TMJ jaw pain, had Botox but it’s still there
There’s been other stuff but those are the most obvious. I’ve been reading loads of posts like I said and it’s been great to see the community that exists online providing support. Just wanted to share my journey so far.

i’ve talked to a couple doctors and no one is helping me identify what are on my fingers. i got sick around 4/13/24 and i was sick for a good two weeks - the longest i have ever been sick for. it started with a sore throat, then body aches, cough, sinus congestion and a runny nose/mucus with a dry cough for the last week. i thought my nose would never get better. i recovered but had these tiny bumps pop up on the joints of my fingers, mainly the middle and last ones near the fingertip, usually always on the sides of my fingers. they developed around 4/18/24 a few days into being sick and are still present but look much different now. they started off as small skin colored bumps and were in multiples of about 2 to 4. and now they seem to be growing outwards in a circular pattern, like a ring and leave behind a flat center. they also get harder and darker in color as they progress/heal. but then new ones will emerge right next to the old ones. they look very different in the photos than they did when they first appeared. they are now red and calloused/peeling and all the bumps have joined to form collective masses. i have never had any skin conditions/issues. sometimes they are itchy but for the most part they are painless. i have no idea what i was sick with, i got tested for flu and it came back negative and i tested negative for covid at home at the time. the doctor i spoke to is hell bent on thinking that they are because of my low weight and poor immune system as a result. i am a female, 29 years old, 93 pounds, 5’3” and have always been on the smaller side. the most i have ever weighed is 111 at 18/19 years old.
photo links: https://ibb.co/KGZvWMq https://ibb.co/rMPfBRk https://ibb.co/0GycZcx https://ibb.co/h7ydccD https://ibb.co/grvYQ9F https://ibb.co/0MS4mH8

Maybe this is a treatment that lasts long, which is required to be done 3 times a year. No Medications, no hard diet, but it's (in the blood). I need a knowledgeable person to advise me. Attention: I'm not responsible if you try it (I wish it works for everyone who will) , but I just want to let everybody know what worked for me.
I will try to explain and go through details and dates, so we can connect the dots to see if it was a coincidence or not.
In 2018 got plaque Psoriasis for the fist time. First thing is, I have never used or taken any Meds or ointments except I started applying coconut oil to moisturize my skin since Mar of 2024. I smoke a lot since 2005 and I eat healthy food since 2015 and I started vaping in 2018. I'd gone through lots of troubles which led to depression in 2018 . Since that time red patches have appeared on my legs only.
In 2019 my blood pressure was 190H/120L and my blood was thick ( blood viscosity) a Doctor told me, you have to do Hijama or blood draw right now. I did Hijama on the same day. My attention was about getting rid of blood viscosity and I never cared or thought about Ps and I still can't remember after how long it cleared (maybe 6 or 5 weeks or less) Note: The blood draw is not a donation, it is just taken blood that will be disposed. Hijama is wet cupping or blood Hijama not a dry one.
August of 2020 I got the vaccine and boooom psoriasis spread and covered all my body even my nose that was just after two weeks of taking the Vac. Went to a doc and told me you have to take Chemicals; if that does not work, we will try Biologics and lots of other things but I took nothing and said F*** it, it will be gone by itself like the first time.
Oct or Nov-2020 two months later or so after the Vac I did Hijama for the same reason of blood viscosity. Smoked Cig and vape a lot during Corona. After 6 months April 2021 did Hijama for the same reason.
The thing is, I was not monitoring my Ps when it was clearing and didn't know how. By the end of May 2021 I was preparing to travel and I noticed there was not a single spot of Ps on my body. My brother asked me how that happened. I said I don't know. Since that time I decided to stop vaping because I don't want my blood to be thick and get a headache every 4 or 5 months.
Jan-2023 was the last time I did Hijama which means year and a half no Hijama so far, because I stopped vaping and I'm no longer having high blood viscosity.
2024 two months ago once again it spread and covered my body and this time it's itchy as F*** creepy dark red and I don't know what to do nor do I accept to take Meds. Kept reading here the conclusion was healthy food improves it after 3 weeks up to 2 or 3 months and most Meds are a temporary solution for some but worked for others. 3 months ago it was the first time in 9 years I introduced every single type of food that exists on our planet into my body and that was the reason, so, I have to accept it. I started fasting and reducing carbs but my Ps this time was so aggressive.
Traveled for business, during a meeting it was itching so hard and I was scratching, a friend told me today I will take you to a doctor where people visit him from many different places around the world I laughed and he replied to me you will see how good he is. I rejected the idea then I said to myself just go and see if no Meds that's ok.
Apparently, The Doctor turned out to be a traditional Doctor in a rural area. First thing he asked me, did you take Bio or Chemicals or any types of pills I said no, then he said ( it's in your blood) I will take blood from your legs and hands (I thought for test purposes) and this is gonna be the first session, and it could go up to 3 or 4 times or even more, do you agree ? I said ok. An old man next to me who showed me his picture of how terrible he was and now he is almost clear taking his last session.
He took blood out of both my hands and legs (from the vein near MTP joint) he wrapped a strap just above my elbow then he put my hands down in a plastic bowl, then the needle was inserted without a syringe, blood started dripping for two mins or so then done.
Less than 24 hours flares and redness decreased and changed from red to pink. No itching then I started remembering Hijama and wondered if Hijama was the reason for my unknown recovery after the vaccine? Both share the same thing, blood taken out!!, but the only difference is blood taken out from the skin and the other one from vein!! people improved after taking a strict diet for two months!!! Is it not the blood responsible for taking the nutrients to the body parts and skin? What happens after two months of clean eating to the Blood? I think it kind of renews or expels the bad things out of the body so that's why people see results. I think diet is safer, harder and takes time, but blood draw is faster and critical if was done in wrong place.
Conclusion: I eat healthy since 2015 but got it in 2018 from stress, and got it 2020 from the Vaccine, but the last time 2024 from junk, processed and sugar.
Could blood draw from Hijama or Vein be the reason of my recovery the last two times? And I'm not sure which one has better results I mean from the skin or the vein.
I will update on the 10th of June.

Killer Grips: Anne Maria, Brick, Jasmine, Justin, Millie
Screaming Gaffers: Chase, Izzy, MK, Ripper, Scott
Episode 8: One Flu Over the Cuckoos
"Last time, on Total Drama Action! Imprisoned in a world they didn't create. Forced to ingest deadly foods, and even to taste them twice!"
"Nonetheless, the two courageous teams clawed their way to freedom! And... a lonely Chef made a new friend."
"But prison is no place for law abiding citizens. Even athletic ones. So at the end of the day, it was goodbye, Sky, hello... Izzy?" The camera panned back to show Chris lounging in the control tent. "Yeah. Izzy. That girl is eight shades of nutty. Will she drive everyone else crazy too?"
The scene flashed to a close-up of Chris standing in front of the cast trailers, the camera pulling back with each word of the show's title. "Find out now, on Total! Drama! Action!"
(Theme Song)
The scene faded in to a shot of an owl hooting on a tree branch at night until a few sparks erupted from it and its head popped off on a spring. The camera panned down and to the left, catching the castmates as they made their way back to their trailers; the Gaffers were in front, and the Grips were in the back, though Brick was noticeably absent.
“Everything is so much smaller than I remembered!” Izzy said while looking around.
"I can't believe that you guys eliminated Sky," Chase said as the camera focused on the Gaffers. "She would have continued to help carry us to victory if she was still here."
“I remember that bush! I remember that tree!” Izzy continued to observe her surroundings until she tripped onto the floor, only to get back up. “Oh, I remember that rock! Hey rock!”
“You know,” Scott spoke up, “with Sky gone and Izzy being back, it's like we didn't lose a player.”
“That may be because the teams are still evenly matched,” MK claimed.
"Good night everybody," Millie told the contestants in a tired tone as she took the steps up to the girls' trailer. "I really need to get some rest." She grabbed the door handle and habitually moved to open it, but it didn't budge and she slammed face-first into it.
"First they lock us in," Ripper said as the camera cut over to him pulling on the door handle of the guys' trailer, "and now they're locking us out!" He grunted as he kept trying to open it, but he failed to move it at all.
"Wait, wait," Izzy said from off-screen, "let me try it!" Ripper quickly stepped aside just as Izzy rammed the door and bounced off of it without making a dent.
A loud siren started up as tense music began to play in the background.
“Cops!!!” Izzy panicked soon after getting up and ducked out of the way.
Seconds later, an ambulance drove past, stopping in front of them just long enough for the back doors to open and a covered stretcher to fall out. Siren still blaring, the ambulance drove off and the castmates hesitantly approached its former cargo.
"What is that? A dead body?" Anne Maria asked nervously.
"Or an undead body," Ripper guessed.
Whatever was on the stretcher sat up, and the cover fell away to reveal Chris McLean lying on a colorful stack of books. The castmates gasped and murmured at the dazed-looking host. "...Boo!" the handsome man said suddenly, earning a blank look from MK.
The host then cleared his throat. "Calm yourselves. No one's dead yet," he said with a smile, holding up one of the books. "I'm here to prep you plucky ducks for our most awesome challenge yet! These textbooks hold the sum total of eight years of med school, and each one of you gets one," he explained before tossing the book in his hand to Anne Maria who raised an eyebrow once she caught it, "cause tomorrow, we're gonna play Doctor!" A few deep and tense notes played as Anne Maria rolled her eyes.
Confessional: Anne Maria
"I don't have anything against doctors," Anne Maria confessed. "It is their job to put scalpers and needles onto people, and give advice like “Don't break your leg because you were out late skateboarding,” but playing doctor isn't really in my wheelhouse.”
Confessional: Brick
"If I wanted to, I could be a doctor," Brick explained to the camera. "I've been to the doctor's office countless times because of my many injuries, like a twisted wrist, a joint thumb, bruised ribs, or even my leg getting bit by a dog." He shuddered. “Don't ask. But the military is my top priority.”
Confessionals End
"To win this challenge," Chris said as the footage cut back to him and the castmates, each of whom now held a textbook, "you're gonna want to memorize the entire contents of these textbooks. By morning."
"But it's already late," Millie protested.
"You got that right," Chris answered as a golf cart drove up with a giant pizza slice on the roof and a large stack of pizza boxes in the back. The driver was Chef, who had a pizza delivery hat on. As soon as the cart stopped, Chef got out and carried the comically large stack of pizzas over to Chase. "What med school all-nighter would be complete without pizza?" Chris asked.
Chase was shown dropping his textbook as he accepted the stack in awe, and a harp played in the background as he and Izzy gave it a sniff. He let out an approving sigh as Izzy smiled happily. "Pizza," the daredevil said.
"This has to be a trick," Millie said.
"More like method acting," Chris told them as he walked over to the golf cart and hopped onto the back. "Med school interns consume 850% more pizza than the average human. So, dig in! Cause there's plenty more where that came from!" The cart sputtered away, leaving the castmates by themselves.
Jasmine opened the top box and took out a slice. "Looks okay, smells okay," she said before finally taking a bite. "Tastes...great!"
"How is that even possible?" Anne Maria asked.
The scene flashed over to an unfinished pizza getting tossed into the air, the camera following it as it fell into Brick's hands. The table he was standing at already had four other pizzas on it, and they looked to be complete.
The camera panned right over to Chef with four cooked pizzas at his table as he held a can of parmesan. "Keep 'em comin'," Chef ordered. "I'll add the final cheesy touch," he said deviously while sprinkling the can on one of the pizzas.
"I'm pretty sure my team is going to question where I am," Brick complained.
"Not as long as they're eating, they won't!" Chef got up in Brick's face. "So hush up and spin that dough. Spin like the wind." As Chef went back to his station, the camera zoomed in on Brick's worried face.
The scene flashed to the five Gaffers sitting in chairs by a fire in front of the cast trailers, eating pizza and reading textbooks. The camera focused in on Izzy and Ripper, who were in the two leftmost seats.
"Y'know," Ripper said, "one time me and my brothers ordered ten boxes of pizza in order to see who can eat the most without using their hands." He chuckled. “You should've been there watching us splatter sauce on each other.”
“Let's pretend I was!” Izzy tossed away her book. “Here!” She sprung off her chair, landed next to the pizza box in front of the team, and began to scarf on the pizza without using her hands.
“My three brothers would be jealous to see you do this quicker than them,” Ripper commented.
Grabbing a pizza with her teeth, Izzy started to shake it around like a rabid animal, splattering sauce onto everybody.
“My hat!” MK exclaimed.
“My shirt!” Scott shouted.
“My pizza!” Chase cried out dramatically.
Confessional: Izzy
“I am so glad to be back,” Izzy said. “I was top of my pre-med class before the RCMP started chasing me, so this should be a snap! On the other hand, I'll tone down my impressions since it bothered Ripper the last time I was here, and he's my friend so I'll try to put his feelings into consideration.”
Confessional: Ripper
“It's amazing that Izzy is back in the game, and unlike the first time it happened, I'm around to witness it,” Ripper chimed. “She better not make us call her E-Scope though. That was really bugging me out.”
Confessionals End
The scene moved to the inside of the craft services tent, where four of the Killer Grips were studying at one of the tables. Millie and Anne Maria were on one side of the table, with Justin opposite them and Jasmine standing away from them.
Justin noticed Jasmine's unhappy expression and decided to go over and press the matter. “Is something wrong?” the eye candy asked.
Jasmine was startled by the question and regained her composure. “I'm completely fine. Nothing's bringing me down.”
“Just tell me. I don't blab about secrets,” Justin continued.
“If you must know, Brick's been spending less time with us lately,” Jasmine confessed. “Usually before the challenge, we never even see him.”
“I've noticed as well,” Justin nodded. “And this is bringing you down because?”
“Me and him have a special bond going, and it may lead into something more than that, but how are we supposed to know each other more if he's avoiding us?” Jasmine wondered.
“Brick'll probably explain what's going on to us, but don't badger him,” Justin advised. “It'll most likely cause him to lie.”
“That's a good idea. If there's one thing I do not like, it's when someone is lying to me,” Jasmine admitted.
“Interesting…” Justin mused to himself.
Confessional: Justin
“Jasmine's concern plus Brick's disappearances equals an opportunity for me to cause a little bit of turmoil between them,” Justin calculated. “That way, I could get one of them eliminated with Anne Maria and Millie's help.”
Confessional Ends
"Man, is this pizza delicious or what?" Anne Maria said as she took a bite out of the slice she was holding. "I wish Chef could cook more food like this for us every day."
Jasmine took a bite of her slice and saw Millie focused on reading rather than eating. "Are you not going to nibble at least one slice, Millie?"
Millie looked up from the book she'd been studying and blinked.
Confessional: Millie
"With the challenge that we're going to get, I have to focus on studying all the contexts of that textbook so I won't forget a single detail," Millie told the camera. "And plus, I'm not really a big fan of pizza."
Confessional Ends
A close-up of an open pizza box was shown as Justin reached in to grab one of the last remaining pieces. "If you don't want any pizza, then that means there's more for us," he said.
“Hold on. Brick hasn't had any,” Jasmine interrupted.
"Where is he anyway?" Anne Maria asked.
Brick then peeked out of the counter, and he ducked down, crawled under the table, and popped up in order to act like he just arrived. "Sorry I'm late. I had an urgent bathroom emergency," he said.
"Here's your pizza," Jasmine slid the open box to the end of the table.
Brick picked up a slice, took a bite, and smiled as he chewed it. "My cooking skills are great!"
"I'm stuffed," Anne Maria said as she stood up. "And with tomorrow being a reward challenge and all, I can just go back to my trailer. Good night!" She began to leave.
"I study better when I'm by myself. Nothing personal," Millie told the team and left the tent as well.
Confessional: Jasmine
"I could make them stay," Jasmine said in the make-up trailer, "but there's no point in doing so. Millie is already educated enough to not read the textbook, and Anne Maria is as tough as an untamed crocodile when it comes to talking with her."
Confessional Ends
The scene moved to Anne Maria and Millie as they walked through the film lot to get to their trailer.
"I thought you'd still be studying back at the tent," Anne Maria casted a suspicious look at her teammate. “Why are you following me?”
"I still want to read the textbook. I just want to do it someplace quiet," Millie replied. “What about you?”
“Like I said, I'm going to sleep,” Anne Maria said. “There's no need to give it my all if the challenge won't have an elimination.”
“You may be wrong about that. Chris is very unpredictable when it comes to episodes having eliminations or not,” Millie argued. “Did you at least read some pages of the textbook?”
“Yeah, and I don't want my head to be egg headed like yours is, brainiac,” Anne Maria claimed.
This got a glare from Millie. “Hey, just because I'm smart, doesn't mean I don't have any more depth to me,” the writer scolded.
“If all we're gonna do is argue, then let's keep to ourselves for the rest of the night,” Anne Maria rebutted.
“That's fine by me,” Millie agreed with the tanned girl.
The scene faded forward into a shot of the numbered studios the following day. The camera cut inside, showing the ten castmates lined up in a small room facing a double door, all but Millie and Anne Maria looking exhausted.
"So tired," Jasmine groaned.
"My brain has never been this full," Ripper mumbled.
"You guys should've turned in for the night like I did if you didn't wanna look like zombies," Anne Maria stated, making the others groan at her.
"Morning, competitors!" Chris said in a chipper tone as he slid in through the door. "Or should I say...DOCTORS!" He pulled out a large gun from behind his back, eliciting a gasp from the teens as he pointed it at them. He fired it at them starting with the Gaffers, and the camera focused on Izzy and Scott at the far end of the line as stethoscopes and reflector headband landed on them. Chase, MK, and Ripper were the next to get hit and MK fell to the ground after impact. Brick and Millie followed, then Anne Maria, Jasmine, and Justin.
"Ready for today's big challenge?" Chris asked them with a smile.
“We pulled an all-nighter studying for this," Scott grunted. "Why wouldn't we all be?"
"If only teenagers were as dedicated to their studies as you guys are!" Chris said with a light laugh. "Let's take it inside." He started backing into the room he'd come out of, the castmates following after him.
The camera cut to a close-up of a large compound stage light before zooming out to show the cast assembled in a large room, each team standing by a large green vat of bubbling slime, a ladder leading up to a high dive, and a sort of slanted platform with a person-shaped indent in it.
"Today's challenge is called," Chris said as the background music became low and tense, "Visiting Hours. And only one member of the winning team will get to enjoy the reward." A few drum beats played, and the camera panned over to the Grips on the left.
"Hold up," Anne Maria asked. "Why're we doing this in teams if only one of us gets to win?"
"I guess it's one for all and all for one this time," Jasmine said.
"But who gets to be the one?" Brick wondered aloud.
"Let's leave it to the one who contributes the most," Millie told them.
Confessional: Millie
"Which will likely be me," Millie added in the confessional trailer.
Confessional Ends
"So what is the reward, Chris?" Chase asked.
"You're very perceptive, Chase," Chris told him. "Let's see if that helps you and your team assemble a CADAVER!" A game show jingle played as he made the announcement.
"You're talking about a dead body, right?" Izzy asked.
"No," Chris corrected as the game show jingle played again, "I'm talking about a giant dead body!" The shot zoomed out further than it had before, revealing that the slanted platforms were attached to chains leading up to a reel in the ceiling and two strange devices on mounted either side just below.
"These tanks contain the dismembered parts of two identical cadavers," he explained over an elevator music-like tune. "Each player will climb their respective team ladder, strap on the bungee cord," the shot cut from his close-up to a bungee harness dangling in front of the Gaffers' diving board, "and jump into the tank with hopes of retrieving a body part." The camera panned down to the tank, then over to the slanted platform. "Any parts you find will be snapped in place on the platforms. Use those chains to raise them all the way to the roof," he continued as the camera followed the chain up to the strange device on either side of the gap in the ceiling as a jolt of electricity stream between them, "where they'll be reanimated by a blast of lightning!"
"First team to bring a Franken-Chris back to life wins," the host told them. "First crack goes to the team who can tell me how to treat someone with a bean stuck up their nose." He tapped his nose, and the camera panned over to the Gaffers.
MK was the first to open her mouth. "Administer two ccs of pain meds and probe the affected area with a sterile swab."
"Correctomundo!" Chris said, giving her a pair of finger pistols.
"Yes!" MK cheered.
The footage flashed forward to the AV girl on top of her team's diving board, the bungee harness already secured. She jumped off with a scream and plunged into the vat, popping back up a moment later as she was electrocuted by the electric eel she was now holding. She let the fish go at the peak of her trip back up, and grabbed on to the edge of the diving board. "What the heck was that?!" she asked in shock.
"Oh yeah," Chris said, "I forgot to mention the electric eels. Three zaps for each turn and you're out!"
With a hesitant look on her face, MK allowed herself to drop back into the vat. She emerged holding a grayish and slime-covered leg. "Got it!" she called as the camera cut to Ripper who was standing by the Gaffers' platform with his arms out to catch. He caught the limb, then turned around and fit it into place.
"Okay, next question!" Chris announced. "Your patient has an itchy red inflammation on their butt! Diagnosis?"
"Diaper rash," Brick spoke up first. "Apply salve repeatedly to achieve humectant dispersion."
"Yes!" Chris said, and Brick smiled.
The footage cut forward to him diving off the board and into the vat. He sprung back out holding an eel, and it shocked him. "Sorry!" he said before plunging back down. He came back up a second time, now holding two eels. "Sorry again!" he told them, falling once more after getting shocked. He popped out holding a hand, which he quickly tossed to his team.
"Don't let it touch my hair!" Justin fumbled with the hand a few times before tossing it over to Jasmine, who rolled her eyes and put it in the right-hand slot.
"Next question!" Chris said. "Your patient's got a white tongue, red eyes, and they're oozing gooey crud! Diagnosis?"
"If I'm not wrong, that should be Pinkus Eyeicus," Chase answered. "Treat with two rounds of floppity jibbits."
"Absolutely correct!" Chris told him. The camera zoomed in on him as he slyly added "I messed around with some of the terms in the textbook."
Chase looked down at the vat, then jumped. He fell without a sound, but when he came back up with an eel in each hand, he shrieked and got electrocuted. He plunged back down, and this time came up with another leg. "Hey, I got one this time!" he said with a smile before tossing the limb over to Scott.
Scott jumped for it, then turned around and slammed it into place.
"Smells like ear wax?" Chris asked next, rushing up to Jasmine with a grin on his face.
"Pineapple-itis," Jasmine answered before low-fiving the host.
Jasmine was shown jumping down, and sprung back up to diving board-level seconds later with three eels on her body; she screamed as she was shocked.
"Fur between the toes?" Chris asked, bending down to point at his bare feet, one of which had a tuft of brown hair growing out of it.
"Stick two horse feathers up the whizzbang!" Izzy answered when the host turned to her.
Izzy was shown dropping into the vat and coming back up with a torso and a smile on her face.
A montage of parts getting added was shown next. Millie was first, putting a leg into her team's platform. Second was Chase, slotting one of his team's arms in. Brick added a waist for the Grips, and the clips transitioned to other parts of the challenge.
"Waka-waka two-by-four!" Scott answered.
Anne Maria was shown listening to Chris's chest with her stethoscope before enthusiastically saying "Sissypants McGee!" to the host's brief approval and sudden discomfort.
Ripper was shown trying to strangle one of the eels as it shocked him, then Justin was shown being electrocuted thrice by the eels before eventually holding up a Chris head. He tossed it to Anne Maria, who was sitting on Jasmine's shoulders, and the two turned around to put the piece in – all they were missing now was the left arm and hand.
"The Grips ahead by...a head!" Chris announced, the camera cutting over to the Gaffers' platform and the five teens giving it nervous, annoyed, and uncertain looks – aside from the head, all they were missing was the right arm and hand.
"Alright Gaffers, next question!" the host said as he slid over to the other team. "Your patient's feeling tired, has spongy gums, and a bunch of spots on their thighs. Diagnosis?"
"Scurvy," Ripper said. "Treated with an increase of dietary vitamin C."
"Correct!" Chris announced excitedly.
The footage cut forward, focusing on the Gaffers' vat as Ripper dived into it. He emerged moments later with his team's hand, and threw it over to Izzy who quickly put it into place.
Confessional: Ripper
“I'm not sure if what we studied are actually real life symptoms and diagnoses, but who am I to know?” Ripper shrugged uncaringly. “I'm not one to study for this sort of stuff unless there's a million dollars on the line.”
Confessional Ends
Another skip forward showed Millie plunging into the vat and coming back out with the arm. "Alright, last piece coming your way!" she said excitedly before tossing it to her off-screen teammates.
It was Justin who caught the piece and put it into the only remaining indentation on the platform. "The Grips have their cadaver!" Chris announced in a close-up. "Time to start yanking some chain, and be quick about it 'cause the Gaffers are right behind you!"
Jasmine and Brick began to pull on their team's chain while Anne Maria moved the slanted scaffold out from under the platform and Justin and Millie watched in anticipation as the cadaver-containing platform was rising quickly.
The camera cut over to the Gaffers as Izzy dangled from the bungee harness covered in slime. “I got it! I got it!” She tossed the Chris head over to MK.
MK stopped in front of the platform and drew back her arm, tossing it up to Chase who had climbed the back of the platform in preparation. The daredevil caught it and slotted the part in, then dropped to the ground.
"Now we pull!" MK ordered as Chase joined Ripper and Scott at the chain.
"Heave!" Ripper said as the three started to pull in rhythm. "Ho! Heave!"
"The Gaffers are still in this," Chris told the camera in a close-up. "Whose cadaver will hit the roof first?" he asked with a shrug. "Make sure you come back for all the Total! Drama! Action!" he finished excitedly.
(Commercial Break)

The Fall Least Unexpected
Camp Wapiti was the most competitive summer-camp on the western border of the Allegheny Mountains, titular for the raving children’s testimonies by the end of the season. An influx of young campers had signed up this year to roost in forests of Red Spruce and Eastern Hemlock. The camp had reportedly gone through a series of expansion, including state-of-the-art “lodging enclaves” and an Olympic-sized swimming pool; at least according to the Wapiti parent Facebook Group. Rah-rah Elks!

A slew of bus rentals carries the kids to the gates of the 150-acre property, summer reveries already taking effect on everyone - from the bus drivers to the happy campers. The counselors had done a splendid job in garbing under the theme of Swan Lake, tinges of pastel pink and candlelight establishing the camp’s timbre; all awaited returning and new faces alike.

Once they reached, a horde of children spilled out from vehicles from all directions. The season had started.

“Welcome to Camp Wapiti our future outdoorsmen and adventurers! Plenty of secrets and fun await you this year - but first some rules…” bellowed Hailey Clifton, head counselor of the ensemble and youngest chick among the staff. The other counselors rolled their eyes during Hailey’s yearly pitch about showing a high level of care towards the surrounding wilderness and carrying the Happy Camper’s Guide to Nature: Dynamite Deciduous at all times. Many of the children began fidgeting, a crowd of creepy-crawlers wiggling underneath the heat vortex and swarm of mosquitos.

Finally, a cool breeze could be felt as Hailey finished off, invigorating everybody’s spirits once again. Campers and counselors drifted off into their own respective circles, reuniting with old friends and meeting new ones, breathing life and community into the grounds. Already burnt bodies sticky from chlorine and Sun-Bum were packed like sardine and people of all ages hollered from the tree-tops.

The first afternoon and night had been a success in every sense of the word. Residents were comatose within their cabins before 10 pm, in anticipation for a day at Lake Dimii in the morning. Somebody was dreaming of the unmarred lake and its magical properties according to the Iroquois, at any given moment during the night.

Come morning, camp was bustling with movement in every corner. Louie, an independent, fire-cracker 11-year-old from Brooklyn led a large pack of his well-rested peers to the lake. The other kids couldn’t help but look up to Louie, who was often disinterested in the bull of the others, but who was also the first person someone would ask for help in messing with the counselors or sneaking into the girl’s dorm at night. The children sang Wapiti’s jingle on their trek:

We are the happy herd of elks
Roaming through the fields with stealth!
On our crow’s nest seat,
We are the Camp Wapiti fleet!

The children’s chants could be heard reverberating through the wood, like a canyon wall is to singing birds. The menagerie cannonballed into the lake from all perimeters, the counselors struggling to keep up. But the day swelled with happiness as the surroundings looked effervescent within the sunlight, everything appeared to be cast underneath a yellow, sparkly film. After head-check, Hailey could finally record the potpourri of foreign flowers in her scrapbook.

Michel Barre and his two most loyal pals, Barnett and Sal, were camped away from the others, scoffing at the troupe of wildlings swimming in the waters. Michel, son of hot-shot French socialites, had moved to the North-East just two years ago, and still couldn’t wrap his mind around the hobbies and traditions of American kids his age; especially the dreaded capture the flag. The counselors had attempted to urge the three to join the others in the water, coaxing them with extra pie during dessert, but with no luck.

Traditionally, the first few days of camp were a hedonistic blur with no planned activities or events. Counselors encouraged to introduce themselves with one another and become comfortable with their bunk-mates especially. After a blistering day in the heat at Dimii, the whole lot was absolutely worn-out and immediately returned to their quarters following a hearty meal of chicken fried steak and apple pie fritters. Another day of sunshine and splashing around in the surf awaited everybody tomorrow, with a round of softball and soft serve afterwards. Even Michel felt a knot of excitement grow in his stomach.

Yet at half-past three in the morning, just two remained awake. As the moon’s image was reflected upon the lake’s surface while the others peacefully slept, Michel had been awoken and dragged by his feet out of his bed, across floorboards punctuated with nails, and out into the night. He was dragged for what seemed like hours. Across the gravel, dirt, and bushes, his skin was battered, and his limbs mangled. He contained no mental or physical capacity to identify who on God’s Earth was forcing him through his misery.

After a while, Michel could discern a certain atmospheric change - the air had felt more serene - what could only be Lake Dimii.

SWIM AT YOUR OWN RISK “NO LIFEGUARD”

• Read a wasted sign, torn at its hinges.

“Please, I'm so sorry for whatever I did - please don’t-” Michel’s captor continued on to the edge of the lake and held him there, his face inundated like a trembling leaf caught in a storm. Michel didn’t know how to swim and tried to remember what his camping guide said about situations like this, but his mind went blank, and his lungs burned.

A passerby would be able to make out the two figures easily, even though the humid mist: One submerged and one forcing its grasp on the nape of the other’s neck, calmly watching. Michel was so incapacitated he wasn’t even aware that he was being forcibly held - he only regretted refusing to take swimming lessons as a child. And now his despairing amount of weakness against the dark waters was apparent. He thrashed about like a wild animal, a trail of bubbles circling his head. Gasps and sunken murmurs were the only sounds that could be heard on the lakeside at this hour.

And the other continued to watch, looking almost disinterested in the slump of his shoulders and the swaying of his feet. The moon still stubbornly shone, indiscriminate in its gleam, illuminating the other boy’s poor, sinking body. The scene was now still - a sharp contrast from a mere 8 hours ago.

The one on the bank turned to leave for the campgrounds, whistling a familiar tune.
The amount of time it takes to notice a person is missing is usually longer than one would think. In the case of Michel Barre, it took nearly 2 hours after the inhabitants of Wapiti rose. Barnett and Sal eventually realized that Michel was nowhere to be found and alerted Hailey before they were blamed for something they didn’t do. All campers were to report back to their bunks immediately for the rest of the day and stay there till instructed otherwise. A wave of confusion and frustration hit the camp – and rumors quickly spread like a nasty bout of lice.

According to the older kids, Barnett and Sal were messing around with Michel in the woods and left him there for inexplicable reasons. Others believed that Michel’s mega-loaded parents airlifted him out of the woods after just a few hours sleeping in the itchy twin sheets.

Meanwhile, in the counselor’s lodge, absolute pandemonium had settled alongside the cabin’s perpetual dust. These ‘designated adults’ were not adults at all, but hormonal, dewy-eyed teenagers who had been looking forward to an unsupervised summer. None of them were prepared for a situation like this.

“How on Earth will we ever explain this to Michel’s parents? The poor boy - he is probably wounded in the middle of the forest somewhere. Who knows, he could already be dead right now,” cried Hailey. The others stared at her blankly, not knowing what to say in response.

Javon Scott, who was only there for the massive paycheck that would hit his bank account at the end of the summer, couldn’t stop concentrating on Hailey's strawberry-blond curls. They smelled like apples.

“Hailey’s right, guys. Michel’s probably dead somewhere in a ditch. Shit, I can’t handle this right now, I need to smoke,” said Javon. He couldn’t keep his legs from bouncing, even with two hands on his thighs. Hailey let out a dry sob.

“You’ve been smoking too much Javon. The kid is probably fine, he couldn’t have made it that far into the woods,” chimed in someone from the back. A few other counselors murmured in agreement.

“We can’t bank on that. We have to tell Michel’s parents and call the authorities,” said Hailey. Javon aggressively nodded his head - the only one out of the bunch to agree.

“Like the cops? No way, I like this gig and my parents would murder me. Let’s all just split up and try to find him first,” said Bryce, one of the older counselors, a local town bum. There seemed to be a consensus already made at that point and all of Hailey's lamentations were paid any further attention.

The teens decided on rounding up the campers towards the center of the ground for the remainder of the day and to keep guard for God-knows-what, while the rest divvied up the surrounding woods in sections to search for the missing boy. Seemingly overnight, Camp Wapiti had transformed into a dire place – a canvas of frantic people and an obscure disappearance coloring the air.
Hailey had volunteered to scale the one of many huge rocks overlooking the eastern corner of the camp, a citadel over the surrounding area. Javon had offered to accompany Hailey, but everyone agreed it would be best if he stayed out at camp and watched over the fidgety kids. Javon grumbled about his role, because the last thing he wanted to do was spend the rest of the day with the snotty-sits, but he was sorely outnumbered. Besides, Hailey wanted to be alone.

The rock sat among the treetops, overlooking miles beyond the peripheries of the camp in each direction. It was a hot spot for late-night hookups, summertime dares, and sunrise viewings. Some of the graffiti that marked the base of the rock was almost two generations old.

It took a good 20 minutes for Hailey to reach the peak. Once she did, she was taken aback at the unstable illusion that was presented - the forest and vegetation seemed to have no end, swallowing all the land in its vastness. She shuddered to think where Michel could be within the thickets, as there was no way she could make out a 9-year-old from this vantage point. Her day had been spent in vain.

She plopped down at the edge of the overlook and began to burst into fitful tears. She couldn’t even begin to imagine how scared Michel was. Her stomach felt like a bowling ball. She decided that she would immediately contact the Allegheny preservative police and Michel’s parents before telling the others. She took in the horizon for a few months, ablaze in a deep mandarin, before heading back to Wapiti.

Except, someone had been watching her and her lovely head full of curls for a while now. It was a quite pleasant evening, and a single sight was more like a shout in the dead silence. And so, when Hailey could hear the heavy breathing of someone behind her, she chose not to stir.

“I know that’s you Javon. Look, I don’t have the time for this right now,” said Hailey, sniffling into her hands. Only silence followed and the breathing now ceased. Hailey looked over her shoulders and saw only rock. She felt as if she were becoming progressively crazier as the day went on.

Hailey turned back to stare at the view. And as she tumbled down the face of the cliff - from a single push or a gust of wind, no one would be able to tell - her last thoughts were of Michel’s ill-fated end instead of hers and how beautiful the sea of green looked when falling. Down, down she went, impaled upon the serrated end of a branch. Dark, gelatinous fluid sprayed from where she was impaled. She writhed in agony for thirty long minutes before her organs failed from the fatal amount of blood that was lost to the forest dirt.
By 10 pm, all of the inhabitants were united, and unlike this morning, there was a noticeable absence in the atmosphere. With the chief counselor nowhere to be found, the modus operandi of the camp had been altered. Campers were ordered to stay in their cabins and to not leave under any circumstances. Most of the counselors themselves hunkered in their bunks, too exhausted to search for yet another missing person or were a little paranoid themselves. Besides, Hailey probably bailed on the rest of them to avoid being complicit in anything that anything might have happened to Michel.

Still, a few agreed it was best to search the immediate vicinity at least once more, including Javon, who hadn’t felt this terrible since his parent’s divorce.

The crag wasn’t too far from the camp and so when five odd teenagers stumbled upon the grisly sight that was the remains of their fellow counselor – with what the forest scavengers had made of the relatively fresh carcass anyways - a wave of nausea and hysteria hit the group. Two immediately ran straight backwards towards the lodges, escaping into the night.

Javon stood within the fetid odor of the body, unable to take his eyes off the ravage in front of him. Tears silently raced down his cheek. The Allegheny Mountains had turned into an inescapable hellscape paradox.

The remaining counselors turned to wake and alert the others, concluding that the only possible explanation was that Hailey had tumbled from a rock. Javon contested this theory, adamant foul play was involved, but like always, he was ignored. Hailey’s body was left alone, and Camp Wapiti was bustling in panic for the second time that day, except everyone knew what had happened to Hailey. And now with the bus rentals back already less than 96 hours, followed by a parade of police forces, the warmth of the season had disappeared just as quickly it had come.

There simply weren’t enough buses available to transport the entire camp’s population in one batch, especially considering the time of night. The kids were priority and were bused off the premises as soon as possible, except for around two dozen. The police rounded everyone else - which included all the counselors – into the canteen, dead-center of the campsite.

By 6 AM, Javon had become sick of his environment and everyone in it. No one had been able to sleep the whole night except the police, who were used to sleeping in their patrol cars. A distinct tenor could be felt in the canteen, not a soul felt safe during those 9 dreadful hours.

Louie – the Brooklyn boy – entertained some of the other kids by reciting gruesome renditions of what could have happened to Michel and Hailey. The kids took morbid interest, looking over their shoulders for the monsters in Louie’s reenactments. A detailed sketch had been made of the killer. The kids described him as like the silent Northern Saw-Whet Owl, camouflaging within the dark envelope of the forest.

Javon snuck off into the sunrise to go smoke a joint in the hammock park behind the canteen, in plain view of the swarm of knocked-out cops. His nerves were in desperate need of soothing and he didn’t need to think twice about using the only medicine at hand.

The sunrise was dim and sullen, casting its gray halo throughout the sky. The hammock swayed slightly from the cool morning breeze and Javon was starting to get a little sick. Images of Hailey had been burned into his subconscious and he wondered how he would ever be able to sleep again. Well, not sober at least.

Javon could care less about the “owl” killer if he were staring at the end of its barrel, he just needed to forget about this place. This was the first time he had regretted not filling out college application forms, because now, he couldn’t escape this town even if he tried.

As he continued to ruminate in his limited prospects, he saw a shadow flit from the corner of his eye. He jolted awake from his existential morning thoughts.

It was a rather small shadow, one that emerged like a premature lightning strike. The figure disappeared into the woods – seemingly spawning from the direction of the cabins. Snuffing his joint, Javon waltzed in the shadow’s path, determined to not let the sly thing get away. The police were starting to stir. Javon dashed into the thicket’s cover.

While the figure had been in full sprint before, Javon had caught up to it within a couple of minutes. From behind a tree, looking onto an unobstructed clearing, there was the silhouette, his back facing Javon.

It was a boy. A shirtless boy. Quiet and unmoving. But Javon could easily recognize the person’s gait – strangely self-assured for just an 11-year-old. No doubt it was Louie, unruly, scraped and bruised, swaggering within late dawn’s mist. Javon observed quietly for a few moments, watching the boy sit in silence in the grass.

Louie knew someone was watching him. Besides, he had been on the other side – the one who was hunting the unsuspecting so many times that his instincts were deceivingly sharp. Louie turned his head around slowly, catching Javon’s direct line of vision and holding it. Javon froze under Louie’s blank expression towards him.

Slowly, Louie made his way towards Javon, carefully maintaining eye contact. Javon was almost in some sort of trance and had been. rendered immobile. Louie started to quicken his pace, opening his mouth to say something before Javon snapped out of his terrifying reverie.

Javon’s paranoia was through the roof, fueled by all that weed he consumed on an empty stomach. He ran towards the cabin for dear life to warn the others, convinced of Louie’s hand in evil. Something about Louie’s vacant eyes, devoid of emotion and almost-artificial like, sent Javon reeling for shelter from that empty expression. Even Hailey’s lifeless face exhibited more human-ness.

He finally had enough courage to look behind him when in view of the canteen, only to be met with a silent wood. Nevertheless, he continued to run, right outside to the main grounds, running right smack into the punchy gut of a cop.

“Do you think you can tell me what you are doing out here, hm,” asked the man in faded blue. Javon relayed his morning, leaving out extraneous details. But what he said fell upon empty ears and a boisterous laugh!

“Hmph, you kids sure aren’t meant to be out here as counselors. Clueless, all of you.”

But the police soon realized that Javon was telling the cold truth. Louie was thought to be on the busses, but the police received word that the boy was nowhere to be found in the vehicles. A small search-party was sent into the woods, but there wasn’t a single trace of an 11-year-old to be found. Only a lumbering 21-year-old, who took embarrassingly long strides.
Louie and his belongings had dematerialized along with warm winds of summer.

As the rest of the kids and counselors were sent away through a second round of buses, Javon looked longingly at the shrinking campgrounds from the back window.

On our crow’s nest seat,
We are the Camp Wapiti fleet!

Javon dreamt of distant heights and killer elks for months after the incidents.

18AFAB (identifying as male). Height: 74 inches (188cm) Weight: 345 pounds (156.5kg) Geographic location: Oklahoma, USA Race: White/Native American Preexisting conditions: High BP, ADHD, ASD, GAD, clinical depression, HS, sleep apnea, Raynaud's, positive ANA (1:640 nuclear homogeneous (all specific antibodies negative)) Current medications: Concerta, Vitamin D, Abilify, Welbrutrin, Magnesium Glycinate, cannabis, Naproxen, Flexoril, Amlodipine Symptoms: rashes (not itchy but they do get really hot), fatigue, brain fog, joint pain, occasional muscle soreness, muscle cramps) Duration of symptoms: Several years (at least 4 years, maybe longer) Potentially relevant family history: High BP (mom, dad, and all gramdparents), diabetes (mom, dad, and all grandparents), MS (mom)

I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism and insulin resistance last summer and then Hashi in February. I have started levo but haven't gotten to a normal tsh value yet.
I don't know if it's because the hypo isnt under control yet, but I've had wild fluctuations in symptoms. Some weeks I felt great, and from one day to the other i will wake up with a puffy face, constant itchy/burning skin, severe bloating, fatigue and burning joints... Sometimes I get episodes of what I associate to a histamine overload: skin feels on fire, bloated upper belly, closed sinus and a physiological feeling of danger.
My endocrinologist is lovely but she also mentions nothing about inflammation, and when i ask how my symptoms could be related to Hashi, she says she has no idea. I have seen a rheumatologist and a nutriologist, and neither provides a clear answer or talks about inflammation. The rheumatologist diagnosed me with fibromyalgia and both her and the nutriologist dismissed anything related to inflammation.
Why is it that no doctor can give me answers about my inflammation symptoms or ever mention inflammation? Hashi is literally an inflammation reponse. Why do we only get our hormonal issues treated and not the root cause? We know how chronic inflammation damages the body, why is it not taken seriously by mainstream doctors?? I also find it hard to trust functional or naturopath doctors, like i dont know if Im gonna get a reasonable one, or one that will want to use my hair's energetic signal to profile my gut microbiota... it's exhausting to have to search our own answers!!!

I was diagnosed Long Covid with dysautonomia. I'm male, 47, no serious health issues in the summer of 2023. From late August 2023 to mid May 2024 I've had numerous symptoms:

• blackouts, lightheadedness, dizziness, headaches
• shortness of breath, spontaneous rapid inhaling
• heart palpitations, high resting heart rate, racing heart beats
• high anxiety, panic attacks
• urine leakage/seepage, swollen/aching pelvic region, urine urgency/frequency, nocturia, weak stream
• nausea, loss of appetite, constipation
• hot hands and forearms, icy cold feet
• loss fine motor control in hands
• extreme fatigue, severe exhaustion, tiredness, crashes from mild exertion
• poor concentration, memory loss, confusion
• sad thoughts, mood swings, depression
• blurry vision, watery eyes, eye strain/soreness, floating dots in vision
• swollen dry mouth, phlegm mouth, excessive saliva, bleeding gums, swollen/chapped lips
• night sweats, excessive sweating throughout day
• muscle jolts/twitches
• joint pain
• itchy/stinging skin
• hair loss

It started with heart issues and standing issues, then mood swings, then urinary problems, constipation, blurry vision, cognitive decline, extreme fatigue, muscle jolts, and so on.
By November I had terrible urinary issues never seen before, excruciating perineum pain, nocturia, leakage, the list goes on.
My ability to function was dropping so rapidly I had a "will" made because I thought I'd be dead in a year.
I went to Urgent Care, ER, Urology, Radiology, GP, Osteopathy, another GP, Therapist, to try to find solutions. Tests came up negative, or misdiagnosed, or nothing found.
Late December to mid March I was in bed nearly 24 hours/day. I couldn't think clearly, had forgotten my phone number, and my vision got extremely blurry. Responding to texts took monumental effort. The lightest exertion would make me crash. It was so debilitating I showered maybe 4 times in about 4 months. Most days I'd eat 1 meal, like a sandwich or cereal. Bowel movements were about every 7 days. Days I could stay up a few hours I'd run YouTube in the background.
In January a Psych prescribed Duloxetine for anxiety and depression. A friend mentioned his brother had LC, that maybe I had it. I didn't investigate, I couldn't think anyway and had no energy.
From mid March to mid April I could stay awake 4 to 8 hours a day, daily headaches and eye strain felt like a hangover. Some issues were subsiding or gone but others remained and new ones appeared. I could do light reading and actually comprehend it.
By mid April I could stay awake about 12 hours, sometimes more, and had strength to start investigating LC. Came to realize Long Covid often has many symptoms, mine kept piling up, and had similar experiences as others.
Late April 2024 I started taking numerous supplements to combat symptoms, especially focusing on inflammation. Then I found a Long Covid Center that said it appears to be LC with dysautonomia. I hadn't heard of dysautonomia before. I've been making progress slowly week by week, with some setbacks and recurrences.
My nutrition is healthier than before, eating less processed foods and more fresh fruits, vegetables, whole wheat, grainy stuff, soups.
For supplements, it's hard to assess what helps and where, if at all. So far no side effect issues for me. I searched about histamine/antihistamine and labeled it antihistamine if it either inhibits production/release, breaks down, or blocks histamines. I’m not certain my issues are histamine related however. Here's what I'm taking:

• Rx Duloxetine (SNRI): anxiety, depression
• Magnesium glycinate: heart, anti-inflammatory, anxiety, depression
• Vitamin B complex: energy, antihistamine
  • B1 (Thiamin) antihistamine
  • B2 (Riboflavin) antihistamine
  • B3 (Niacin) pro-histamine
  • B5 (Pantothenic acid) antihistamine
  • B6 antihistamine
• Vitamin B7 (Biotin)/Keratin: antihistamine, hair, skin, nails
• Vitamin C: immune, antihistamine
• Vitamin D3: immune, mood, antihistamine
• Zinc: immune, antihistamine
• Quercetin: anti-inflammatory, genitourinary, antihistamine
• D-mannose: antibacterial, genitourinary
• Saw palmetto: anti-inflammatory, genitourinary
• Curcumin/Turmeric: anti-inflammatory, anti-cytokines, antiviral, antihistamine, depression
• Resveratrol: anti-inflammatory, anti-cytokines, inhibit blood clotting, antihistamine
• Nattokinase: dissolve blood clots, pro-histamine
• Serrapeptase: anti-inflammatory, antihistamine
• Bromelain: anti-inflammatory, antiviral, antihistamine
• Pycnogenol: anti-inflammatory, blood vessels endothelium, antihistamine
• Cordyceps: anti-inflammatory, antiviral, antibacterial, antihistamine
• Probiotics 33 strains: digestion, antiviral, immune, concentration, fatigue, memory
• Omega 3: anti-inflammatory, anxiety, depression
• Garlic: anti-inflammatory, pro-histamine
• Ginger: anti-inflammatory, antihistamine
• Loratadine (Claritin): antihistamine

Anyone use any of these or others with success? Please let me know. Best wishes to everyone here.

So today was fun. 😅 I got an iron infusion on my lunch break at work since the infusion center is right next to the office I work in. It was my first one and definitely my last lol. An hour after it ended my lower legs started feeling like my skin was burning alive. I got a massive dark purple rash on both legs mid thigh to below my knees with white hives, swollen ankles and knees, and a swollen numb left hand (even tho my IV was in my right hand). Thankfully it didn’t spread any further by the time I was done at urgent care I just felt tingly/itchy and the rash was gone. It gave me the SOREST muscles and joints for the rest of the day OMG 😭 and diarrhea. Great. Thankful I didn’t go into anaphylaxis tho 🫤🫤🫤 I shall depend on oral iron. I have gastroparesis and my diet doesn’t have enough iron in it cause of how low fiber and low fat I have to eat. My iron is 26 and iron sat is 5 fingers crossed it comes up 🤞🤞🤞

30 years old/ female/ Amitryptyline medication/ not overweight, don’t smoke or drink
Timeline:

• 2022: had a baby in April via c section. Pregnancy went great, happiest and healthiest I’ve ever felt.
  
• Gut issues start a couple months afterwards: Yellow stool, diarrhoea, mucus, thinner poop, excess gas
  

All testing except an initial calprotectin of 600 was normal: (colonoscopy {adenoma removed}, gastroscopy {gastritis}, mri small bowel) came back fine and were done in late 2022/early 2023. Had 4-5 calprotectins done since, all <60.
Mid 2023-now - Gut symptoms are worse, extreme excess gas, mucus and painful cramping that came every week or so followed by extreme diarrhoea episodes for 1-3 days.

• Got prescribed Amitryptyline, greatly reduced the cramping flare ups.

Late 2023: - Started getting rashes on my chest, looked a bit like eczema and were mildly itchy. Eventually resolved.

• Started feeling joint-like pain in fingers infrequently

2024: - Started getting recurring staph skin infections/boils

• Extreme diffuse bone pain (especially bad in legs, thighs and hip) - deep, painful throbbing ache. Particularly noticeable in shin bones.
  
• Similar but slightly different sharp/throbbing pain that moves around - lasts a few minutes or less and will go away: fingers, hands, wrists, elbows, knees - typically near or around joints. Usually worst in fingers/hands.
  
• Cramp-like pain in hands and feet, almost like a Charlie’s horse that never comes to fruition.
  
• intermittent night sweats, but I have an anxiety problem and have experienced this since 2018
  
• whenever I’m sick with any type of virus or bug, I get sharp shooting bone pain in my limbs without fail.
  

Other info: - Celiac test negative - I have Lindsay’s nails - H pylori negative - Normal protein electrophoresis - Normal abdominal ultrasound done 6 months ago - Normal blood work throughout the two years with one exception:
Previous bloodwork showing some abnormalities:
https://ibb.co/VT7CHcG
https://ibb.co/GdYSFXy
A following protein electrophoresis was normal, the same bloods were repeated a week later and were back to normal:
Most recent bloodwork:
https://ibb.co/Msr6GpH
https://ibb.co/kSRmN53
https://ibb.co/99VFjTw
https://ibb.co/bzH9V7F
I’m petrified this is some plasma disorder - lymphoma, leukaemia…
The other part of me wonders if this is some auto immune process but I’m really worried this is cancer and the anxiety is eating me alive. Would love any opinions or advice please! Thank you

I first started experiencing mult. symptoms 3 years ago at 40 and they’ve gotten progressively worse.
Most notable are : mass anxiety, brain fog, hot flashes several times a day, itchy skin, dull joint and bone pain that comes and goes, crying jags and continual exhaustion that never wavers. My home always looks like a bomb went off and to complicate things I am the mom of a moderate to higher support needs autistic toddler who while very sweet and good nature is also sensory seeking and going 90 miles an hour every day.
I am desperate to feel better.
I went to my primary care physician 6 months ago and she was totally dismissive. Said she wouldn’t prescribe any hormone therapy - only as a last resort - laughed and said the last resort is to women who are on the brink of divorce and their husbands don’t like them anymore. And besides my family had a history of stroke”. (Um yes in their 80’s)
Today I went to a different doctor - same net work. I read all the wiki info here. I laid out my case and all the notes of symptoms I had experienced and asked about hormone therapy even if a small dose or at least progesterone cream.
He said no because of the risk of breast cancer and instead proscribed me Effexor. I asked him if there is ever a situation in which he would prescribe hrt and he said no - he would not prescribe hrt to anyone because it’s too risky. At least he ordered a blood panel and dexa scan but otherwise I’m at a loss
I’m not refusing to try other things first but I have already been exercising, eating better etc and more sleep and nothing has changed.
I feel like Im existing as a hollowed out version of myself - marked with jags of anxiousness or crying several times a week as my normal.
I just want my life back so I can show up for my kiddo better but also just life in general.
No idea what to do.. 😭😭😭

So sorry in advance for the long post. I just need to get this out.
TW for talk of suicide and depression
If you’re my partner and you see this - please don’t read this. I promise you are a wonderful support but I know my venting hurts you because you want to fix things and you can’t.
Edit to add some probably important context: I was misdiagnosed with BPD when I was 19 after a traumatic experience. And while every mental health professional I saw after told me it was wrong and was actually PTSD and CPTSD, it was not actually “officially” diagnosed on record until the hospitalization, at the start of my ADHD assessment. But, the psychiatrist that ordered the assessment is the first doctor to ever bring up ADHD or neurodivergence. Just to demonstrate how many people missed these things over the years, how many “second opinions” I’ve had to get. Not in any way dissimilar to my experience seeking diagnosis for my physical health issues.
I feel such immense grief and rage. I don’t even know where to begin, so I guess I’ll start at the start of this “health journey”. When I was 16, I became incredibly ill. I was vomiting all the time, exhausted to the point of sleeping 14 hours a day from the time I got home from school til just before I had to leave for the bus. I don’t remember much from this time period because of the brain fog and genuinely don’t know how I passed my classes. I was gaining a lot of weight, too, and hadn’t had a menstrual cycle in 6 months, and was so so depressed. My mom ignored the health issues because she thought I was just being dramatic (there is much deeper context with the issues there but it comes down to I am now NC as an adult), but when I said I needed to see a doctor for my depression she did. My then-family doctor was wonderful and listened, and to be safe decided to run some blood tests though I hadn’t described to her my physical symptoms aside from the oversleeping I attributed to depression. I was diagnosed with autoimmune thyroid disease, or Hashimoto’s. I started medication and my symptoms improved though some things, like the weight gain, never reversed.
I ended up going into remission for a time and no longer needed the HRT. But when I was around 20/21, I started having health problems again. I started experiencing numbness and tingling in both my hands and wrists, which I thought was from repetitive movement working as a cashier, though the symptoms only appeared about 6 months into that job and in hindsight it probably isn’t normal to develop that quickly that way. But I ignored it because I didn’t think it was serious as it was “just” carpal tunnel, and began wearing wrist splints regularly. I did not ask my doctor, as during this time I was having difficulties hearing at work and the hearing test I requested came back normal and I was dismissed and I didn’t want to reinforce the belief I have unreasonable worries about non-issues - later, I learned this was actually an auditory processing issue, which was never brought up by any medical professional I saw as a possible cause.
In 2020, when I was 24, I began experiencing the same autoimmune symptoms I had when I was first sick at the age of 16. I fell asleep at work which had never happened before and it worried me. I went to the ER on recommendation of Telehealth, where the doctor didn’t believe my symptoms and ordered just an EKG that came back normal. He told me I didn’t fall asleep/pass out while actively working, and simply “took a nap” and it’s normal. Follow-up with my GP after was unsuccessful, until I pushed for thyroid testing. I was found to no longer be in remission and put back on HRT, and once again my symptoms improved but did not resolve.
At the same time, and for the year or so that followed, I experienced extreme digestive health issues. I had visible yellowing of the skin, very dark under eye circles, issues with itchy and red patches of skin, and was passing undigested food and eventually became obviously malnourished as a result. I had what seemed to be a kidney stone that passed before I could get in for the ultrasound so it couldn’t be confirmed. I alternated between constipation and diarrhea, and always felt pain. My GP told me it was “probably just IBS” and had me do an elimination diet (twice) that did not work. He dismissed my concerns telling me I’m fine, until I sent a novel of my symptoms and saying I know he thinks I’m a hypochondriac but I am unwell and need to be looked at. The liver tests I pushed for came back normal. He offered to test me for Celiac but advised against it due to the cost of the blood test, so I didn’t. He did, however, refer me for a colonoscopy but the pandemic made this severely delayed. During the wait, I found some relief of my symptoms by cutting out gluten and dairy from my diet, and the yellowing of my skin and dark circles went away as did, eventually, the skin patches my doctor insisted was “just eczema”. I was off of gluten for a full year when I had my colonoscopy in fall 2022, the results came back normal and that doctor reiterated that it is “probably just IBS”. I learned later that I should have been consuming gluten for at least 3 months prior in order for it to be an effective test for Celiac, and my doctor failed to tell me this.
In early 2022, the joint pain had become frequent enough and painful enough in the knuckles where my hands meet my fingers, and in my wrists with definite carpal tunnel in both wrists as well, that I went to my GP. However, he is busy, and it’s often easier to book an appt with his assistant who is able to assess many conditions. At this time I also believed he would be more likely to listen and take me seriously. I went to the appt, described the nerve and joint pain issues. I had an exam where he confirmed bilateral carpal tunnel and arthritis in my hands. He said no testing was needed. I pushed back, stating that I am only 25 and there is no normal reason for the inflammation, and I have Hashimoto’s which has very high comorbidity with RA and I was concerned due to the fact the inflammation was symmetrical. I was dismissed, told the only test that could be done is an x-ray which was pointless as all it would do is confirm the presence of arthritis which he already confirmed with the exam. He told me to keep wearing wrist splints, keep taking ibuprofen and acetaminophen for the inflammation and pain, told me taking them was risk-free, and told me to come back when the redness and swelling of my joints got worse. I didn’t feel comfortable going to my GP for fear of being marked further as a problem patient, and assumed he would tell me the same information his assistant had based on my experiences with him and the fact his assistant is his staff that sees many of his patients.
My depression worsened during these years, coming to a head in early 2023 when I attempted. I did not succeed due to a mistake I made, fortunately. I was hospitalized for a time, where I was finally officially diagnosed with PTSD and CPTSD. And for the first time, a doctor asked if I suspected I’m neurodivergent. I was assessed and diagnosed with ADHD, which explained a significant amount of non-health related issues, though it also explained some like my KP and teenage cystic acne as they are common comorbidities. It’s important to note that I have a younger sibling that was diagnosed with ADHD as a child, and I was viewed as the “normal” child and any issues were dismissed as my sibling had higher support needs and was the priority and I was always viewed as simply being overdramatic and wanting attention. I was told the cause of my depression was trauma, including childhood trauma, as well as 26 years of undiagnosed and unmanaged ADHD I had been forced to deal with on my own. I was told I had done the best I could but they were not surprised it reached the point it did, as sadly the mental health system in Ontario is not what it should be and often people do not receive help until they’re long past the point of needing it. And for many, it’s too late. I am fortunate that it wasn’t too late for me, I’m fortunate I survived.
Prior to my stay at the hospital, I had gotten to the point of needing to take ibuprofen daily for the inflammation. When disclosing my medical history and medications, I was asked if I had received a formal diagnosis for my arthritis and what tests had been performed. I told them I had been assessed for and diagnosed with arthritis, but that no tests were performed. It was clear they did not believe me, and I wasn’t provided ibuprofen during my stay. They did not follow-up with my GP regarding the arthritis either, though to be fair I was in the psych ward and non urgent physical ailments were not their concern.
Now we get to 2024. It’s a jump, but I don’t feel anything between is significant. I do not go a day without pain, and havent for 3 months. The pain has now reached every joint in my body, I feel fatigued and foggy, I feel horrible all the time and have had 3 UTIs since February. The last one reached my kidneys rapidly, and coincided with the worst full-body arthritis flare of my life - this was 2 weeks ago. I woke up every 2 hours sobbing in agony because my body and knees in particular were so warm and painful and stiff. For a full day I was unable to get out of bed and ran a low grade fever with chills I assumed were due to the infection but now I’m not so sure. Since then, I have been in constant pain though not as severe as then. My knee and hip pain keep me up at night, and/or wake me up often due to the pain and stiffness. Regardless of my larger joints, my hands and wrists always hurt now. I feel ill in the way I did with my Hashimoto’s. Ibuprofen and acetaminophen aren’t doing anything anymore, and I rely on cannabis for relief which isn’t always suitable. My partner got me a topical ointment that has been incredibly but isn’t affordable enough to be sustainable with how much of it I need in one go, and I need to use it sparingly when I absolutely need it. Despite not feeling that my joints are red and swollen enough to go back (because I see them every day and they look normal because they always look like that), I stuck with my plan to see my GP. I first tried to book in February, but only saw him this week.
I described all the physical symptoms asking about my lower leg/ankle swelling and to have my thyroid levels checked for potential med increase need, and I described my joint issues. He assessed my hands, and told me my knuckles are red and swollen. I’ve realized after in research and really looking at my hands that the top knuckle on one of my fingers has a lump on it, albeit a very small one. He immediately said he is testing me for RA with blood work, and in my research I’ve confirmed the req form is thorough, and also includes urinalysis and an EKG. However he told me for the inflammation marker test to go for it when it’s at its worst, and with my work schedule I can’t, and I’ve waited so long for this I refuse. I’m going for it as soon as I can. I’ve waited so long to be listened to and believed. And as many as half of people with RA test negative on the blood tests so I’ll end up needing imaging tests anyway either way and I want this process to be as fast as possible. Even if it’s not RA, I need them to figure out what’s wrong with me and give me the appropriate treatment. He was alarmed and visibly displeased to hear that I had seen his assistant 2 years ago for an assessment - though I forgot to mention to him that that appointment was also for bilateral carpal tunnel (which I now know is an early sign of RA due to compression of nerves). It wasn’t explicitly stated but it was clear that I should have been tested 2 years ago. And wasn’t.
I’m tired of being in pain. I’m tired of being sick. I’m just plain tired. I feel so failed by the system that’s supposed to care for us. I’m so frustrated with people insisting that doctors are all-knowing and infallible and if they tell you you’re fine, you are. I’ve been fighting for years to be heard and have only been left to feel like I’m losing my mind and imagining these problems and am just overdramatic after all. I feel vindicated that I was right all along, but it’s too little too late. RA is a progressive disease, and the earlier it’s diagnosed and aggressively treated the better. I’ve had at minimum 2 years of progression that cannot be undone. The damage can’t be reversed. I am angry and devastated. The grief is so f*king immense.
I’m 27. I don’t know what my future looks like anymore and that scares me. I’m worried about the damage this disease has done to my internal organs. I worry having kids is no longer an option for me, due to my health. I worry that my physical capabilities will continue to deteriorate. I am so angry that I’ve been written off as an anxious hypochondriac when I knew something was wrong.
Diagnosis of an autoimmune disease or any illness really, apparently doesn’t negate medical misogyny and ageism. Advocating for yourself doesn’t go anywhere when you’ve been labelled crazy and a problem patient. The most it’s gotten me is my doctor “offering” to send my files if I wanted to switch to a different GP, which I can’t with the GP shortage. I have to live with the lifelong consequences of doctors failing me. And it f*king sucks.

My daughter is 7 yo, she’s 47” tall and weighs around 47 lbs. she has a history of asthma, and seasonal allergies. Currently she’s taking Flovent (2 puffs once daily), Flonase and prn Zyrtec.
A little back story on her. Shes has instances of random bouts of hives (often with no discernible cause.) Her last bout of hives, she had a plain turkey sandwich with just mayo and turkey from a local sandwich shop. 30 mins later, she was complaining of joint and tummy pain. I had her relax on the couch and 30 mins after that when I took her to bed, she had full body hives and a swollen face/mouth. She ended up vomiting once and it was a large amount. It took to doses of Benadryl to calm the hives. She also later reported that during this episode she had chest tightness and a scratchy throat. We were told this was a mild anaphylactic reaction.
Fast forward to present day. Sunday she had scrambled eggs for breakfast and 20 mins later she told me she was itchy and was started to break out in hives. Gave her Benadryl and hives went away and she was fine. The next morning she woke up with another head to toe itchy rash. I got in touch with her allergist and she told me to give her 10mg of Zyrtec morning and night and to update her the following morning. Yesterday she still had the rash and was complaining of joint pain in her knee and ankle. She was sent home from school because she was limping. Her allergist wanted to see her in person. We took her in yesterday and she said the rash definitely looked like hives but she’s perplexed as to what is going on with her. She has no other symptoms (no signs of illness, no fever). Shes thinking serum sickness but she doesn’t totally fit that picture. She told us she wanted to do some research and would get back to us today, but to continue the Zyrtec. My daughter woke up this morning with a worsening rash and was much more itchy today.
We’ve literally changed nothing about her diet or laundry detergent or skin/hair products. Also no new medications. She’s been tested for environmental allergies and was positive for a certain tree and rabbits. Neither of her 2 allergists that she’s seen have felt compelled to food test or any other blood tests. I’d love some other opinions! Here is a photo of her back rash. It’s also located on her face, neck, chest, and some on her legs